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#but yeah!! still pretty proud of myself for sticking with writing even now
spectrearia-archive · 2 years
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reached 20k words in khalan's journal lately! :0 i'm starting to lay out some of the main puzzle pieces of the arc i'm working towards, and it feels really good to finally be able to bring those elements into the journal after all this time.
I have a clear vision for how the story ends once this arc comes to a conclusion (at least, the journal itself will end, though the characters' stories continue beyond what I'll be writing), but the trick will be balancing this arc with the typical slice-of-life stuff in between. that's mainly the type of story this has been so far, and I don't want to stray too far from that by introducing a more formulaic approach instead.
we'll see how things go from here on out, I guess. I'm just gonna continue writing whatever is fun and what feels right, and hope that it's still entertaining and engaging as events continue to unfold ;o;
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silksongeveryday · 4 months
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Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 365!
1 year! One whole year of daily doodles!!
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Honestly?? Idk how to feel, so much has happened since I first started this blog.
I guess I’ll just write what I’m thinking right now??
(Everything under the cut, this thing is longer than I expected)
A lot of this text probably isn’t going to make sense. I’m writing this at 1 am. If there’s any mistakes or errors that’s why. I’ll fix them in the morning maybe.
So like. This whole thing kinda started as a joke, I wasn’t intending to actually draw for a year straight lmao. Like I even used a completely different art style from my regular one that was simple, quick and intentionally dumb. Not that I’m upset by it, I’m actually quite proud of myself that I managed to stick to something for an entire year. That’s pretty unusual for me believe it or not. My original intention was to stop at maybe 20 days because I really wasn’t expecting for this blog to get as much love as it did.
So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so so much to everyone who has followed and supported this silly little idea I had, you guys are the biggest reason my experience has been so positive and worth it. (Sure it’s not original but I hope it’s at least been interesting!)
I’ve said this a few times now but I’ve mentioned wanting to take a break. I’ll admit that even though it’s been fun it’s still pretty tiring to keep up with this blog sometimes since some recent life events have made it so hard. After some thought, I’ve decided that I’ll likely take a break sometime in the coming months. Maybe toward day 400 or so. As of right now, things are at a lull so I’ve been okay enough mentally and physically to keep up this daily streak I think. Though this could change in an instant for whatever reason.
Overall I think my burnout has kind of gone away I think?? Or at least I’ve been reinvigorated recently after replaying a few runs of hk randomizer and steel soul. No promises it’ll stay away but I silly expect it to come in waves.
Ok but call me crazy or delusional or whatever, but my hopes are up that Silksong will release this year. (which means slowing down/not doing daily doodles yay) I genuinely believe big news is coming since I’ve been getting a lot of dreams lately about something happening with Silksong in March. Idk, I could be wrong but after doing this for a year I’m literally clinging onto anything right now lol
I’d obviously still make the occasional doodle or two when HKSS releases but not daily. This stuff is tough to keep up sometimes, I would never do daily posts like this again once it’s over
Oh yeah also I have an actual big drawing I’m still working on, expect that in sometime in the next few weeks I think!
Anyway, I can’t think of anything else to say right now so I guess that’s it for now!
Thanks so much and here’s to more doodles!
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risunsky · 6 months
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2023 review
So, was it a good year ?
I think so, I've enjoyed challenging myself, I've tried Beksinski for a second time, Klimt twice, I've done a crossover hellraiser which I'm quite happy with… I made cement for the first time and it was great!
At the 2022 review I said I wanted to do more horror, so I went for gore with all my emaciated skeletons and I'm very happy with that.
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September is my favorite of all.
Outside of my fanart world, my biggest freelance achievement has been completing a big comic commission on time and now that the book is out and I've had good feedback from both commissioners and readers I'm relieved and quite proud. It's been a stressful time so it's nice to see that it hasn't all been for nothing. So, even though I'll never stop considering myself as a learner and experimenting with new things, I think that this year I've finally managed to settle on a style, or a range of styles, that I like and that I think I'll stick with for a long time. I've been drawing for a very long time but this is the first year I've felt so strongly that I've found MY style. As for my universe, it seems that somewhere in the horror area of dark fantasy it is my home.
What's planned for 2024?
In terms of priorities, the gift commissions, yeah.... I'm soooo late. I've finished one, but two are still on hold, and have been for at least a year now. I'm terribly sorry about that, because I haven't been overwhelmed like that for a long time, and I intend to sort it out as soon as possible.
It should also be the year I finish the Goya remake. Ideally, I'd like to finish in February because that's my birthday month, or March because that's the anniversary of my discovery of Ghost.
For the rest, don't take it as a promise, because I tend to let myself be carried along by my desires and they are constantly changing. For example, I was planning great things with Nunussy but the poor thing was left on the side of the road. My interest in it just died. it seems that shipping characters and writing an alternative universe for them is not my thing. I have at least 3 shorts comics ideas, more or less ghost related but always mixed with something else. I really really want to work on it but it's a lot of work and this year I need money, like more than usual so I don't know... I also want to do Bloodborne fanart.
The fails
I haven't kept to my plan to draw the other characters in the Ghost lore, oopsy. I still haven't had the time to open any commissions, but last year was really special, working on a big contract that kept me busy for months and that was something new, it was stressful enough. 2024 should be different. I had to show a bit more of my traditional technique, let's say I do it with the Goya project, it's a semi-failure.
Not really a failure: I still haven't come up with a design for an official t-shirt. I think that's because I'm more of an illustrator than a designer and for a good design I need to find a special thing. It's not a big deal for me, just, if it happens it's cool, if not, well, not the end of the world.
To finish
I'd like to thank all those who follow me and who like and share my drawings, including those who remain silent in the shadows - I'm myself a lurker so I understand! Of course, a huge thank you to those who have supported me on ko-fi, it's the first time I've tried this system and I'm happy to have had some support pretty quickly!
my apologies if there are any English mistakes in this text, which is still too long
Have a great festive season!
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personasintro · 11 months
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some people are just so impatient… a book takes time, thinking, drafting, editing, etc. and honestly i don’t see mh done by another author, the way you write is just *chef kiss* I wish i had your patience mimi😭 but i’m glad you don’t take their words to heart, yeah they might me bothering, but you just brush them off, love your responses by the way🫶🏽 well, i hope you’re doing good in your life and in general that everything is going according how you want, sending lots of love💜
I absolutely understand there are ppl who don’t know all behind the scenes stuff that affects writing. Honestly, I don’t think I’d even think about it in this depth if it weren’t for ppl complaining. I’ve said this before but it’s not just the planning, drafting, writing, editing itself. There’s also a motivation and inspiration and life and so much more. The thing is that I always get cussed out for not frequent updates (sometimes for a particular story) but when you look at my recent posts, I update at least one story in a month which I think is pretty great for how little of time I have right now. It gets annoying but I’m proud of myself for even sticking to the writing and still being here after all the bullshit 👐 I don’t even know why this became such a thing to come and complain about updates.
Thank you, you’re very lovely! 🫶🩵
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kori-senpai · 2 months
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If you were to recommend your top Fence fanfics, which ones are they and why?
(my answer became unnecessarily long, skip to the end for the one rec I do actually have)
So, this is slightly embarrassing, but. But. But. But. Not sure if you know or not but I also write fanfics for Fence. My problem is that I'm one of those fabled long fic writers and the one fic I have up goes up to 164k words. A little beast, to say the least. Took me a little over a year to write it, pretty proud of it still :')
Now. When I write for a fandom, I do not read in said fandom. That is solely to keep myself from stealing anybodys ideas by accident. You know how dreams work? Surely. You process all the information you've gathered (actively or passively) during the day and they come together in some weird short films or some strange blockbuster which you'll think was extremely alien in the morning, but on some level it of course made sense. It's your head after all.
To get back to the initial point, when I write, I don't read other people's work in that fandom, because when I brainstorm at the start of the writing process and put it all down, I have this outline, I know where I'm going, I know where I'll end up, but there's evething in between. Which, on a long fic that spans at least 130k when I start going, is a lot. And since I really don't wanna steal by accident and jumble in ideas that weren't mine, I don't read other people's fics. Different fandoms? Sure. Not Fence [the respective fandom] tho.
NOW since I'm writing these beasts, they take a while. I posted the other one in August 2022, started the year before (ergo, no fence reading during that time already) and I started my current project in--
August 2022. So yeah. I haven't read any fence fanfics since roughly three years. But I recently got over a very bad writers block and should be finished in maybe three months. Not making promises here tho don't hold me to this lol
TALKING ABOUT PROMISES - thinking back to any fics I DO remember (and since I write so much myself it's honestly just other long Fics that manage to stick in my useless sponge of a brain) is Promised Things from @applesandbannas747 (I can't get the link to work I'm so sorry, but you'll find it if you search the Fence fandom by word count over 100k on ao3, that's how I always did it) and it's one of the only fics EVER where I went back after an amount of time had passed to reread it. I think there's only one other fic that managed to make me do that, so respect to the tagged author.
Sorry I couldn't give you more than that. If anybody even bothered to read this far - I'm very much open to all fic recommendations that came out during the last 3 years lmao. Give me half a year and hopefully not another random writing idea in the shower and I should be finally able to read some good fan content soon
(please muse, fuck off. It's been years now. Visit people that need you more than I do)
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celandeline · 2 years
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Disagreements (Eddie Munson x Reader) (Part Four)
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Your pillow was moving under you. You furrowed your eyebrows, trying to find that comfortable place you had been in before. You wound an arm underneath it, only to find something hard and leathery… something that definitely wasn’t your pillow.
“Woah baby…” A soft low voice rumbled from above you. “Sticking your hand in my pants first thing, huh?”
You opened your eyes to see Eddie. Your face was pressed against his stomach, the hand you thought had been around your pillow wedged between the skin of his back and his belt. Groggily, you sat up. You must have fallen asleep after Cannibal Holocaust…
“Sorry.” You said, pulling your hand back out of Eddie’s pants. “I was half asleep.”
“Hey, if you want to, be my guest.” Eddie said, a sleepy chuckle on the edge of his voice.
For a moment, you allowed yourself to fully wake up, taking in your surroundings. Eddie’s trailer looked different during the daytime, more cluttered than you originally thought. The time on the digital clock read 10:02 - it was a good thing it was Saturday.
Eddie shifted under you, using one hand to scoop you up off of him and onto the couch cushions. You let him, settling into the sofa with a satisfied sigh. For a couch in a trailer, it was pretty comfortable.
Eddie stood up, stretching his arms up over his head so his shirt rode up, exposing his lower stomach. “Sorry about keeping you overnight.”
“Don’t worry about it.” You said. “My fault I fell asleep during the movie.”
“Still.” Eddie said, meandering over to the kitchen. “Least I could do is fix you some breakfast.”
You sat up, rolling your neck a bit. “I’m not gonna say no to that.”
“Awesome.” Eddie said. “How does frozen waffles sound?”
You smiled - of course he would pick frozen waffles. You would t be surprised if every meal he ate was ready made, easily tossed in the toaster oven and done within 3-5 minutes. “Sounds good to me.”
You got up from the sofa, making your way into the kitchen and taking a seat on an empty stretch of counter space, watching as Eddie prepared breakfast. He flipped on the radio, already preset to the local rock station. As he worked he bobbed his head along to the song, muttering the words under his breath.
“You know, I can play this song.” Eddie said, pulling two waffles out of the toaster and plopping them on a plate.
“Can you?” You asked, accepting the plate as he handed it to you.
Eddie shrugged, but you could tell he was proud. “Yeah. It’s not that hard - really only three chords. The stuff I write myself is harder than this.”
You bit into one of your waffles. “You write stuff too? You’ll have to play something for me sometime.”
Eddie glanced over at you, eyes running over your face as if to assess your sincerity. “Really?”
“Yeah?” You said, laughing a bit. “You seem like you’d be really good at music, so why wouldn’t I want to hear you play?”
“Yeah, for sure.” Eddie said, plucking his own breakfast for the toaster. “Definitely.” He paused. “If you’re not doing anything today, we could…”
You sighed. “As much as that would be fun, I should probably get home after this. I don’t want my parents to be too worried. Plus, Pam’s coming over later today.”
“Right.” Eddie said. “Yeah. Another time then.”
A brief moment of silence passed over you. “Maybe that can be the third date.” You said.
Eddie’s eyebrows shot upwards. “Third date, huh?” He asked.
“If you want.” You said.
“If I want.” Eddie mocked. “Obviously I want - why do you think I asked you out in the first place?”
“You more told me out.” You said. “There wasn’t much asking done.”
“Okay… but was I wrong?” Eddie asked. “You’ve said it yourself, you’re having a great time hanging out with me. You totally have a thing for me.”
“I don’t know about that.” You said. “It’s only been two dates-“
“Two and a half!” Eddie said, pointing at the breakfast he had made you. “And it’s about to be three!”
“We haven’t even kissed.” You said.
“We can fix that right now if you want.” Eddie wiggled his eyebrows at you, seductively biting into his waffle.
You snorted in laughter, finishing your own waffles. “Hurry up and finish Eddie, you have to drive me home.”
“Jesus Christ Eddie, that’s red-“
“Oh shit.” Eddie slammed on the brakes, narrowly stopping his van before it collided with the car in front of you, jerking you forward. “Sorry.”
You sat back, fixing your hair from the sudden motion. “You need to stop playing music you like when you drive. You can’t focus on anything but the guitar.”
“To be fair, it’s a sick solo-“ Eddie started.
“I’m not going to be able to go in any more dates if I die in a car crash.” You said.
“Point taken.” Eddie said.
The light turned green, and Eddie hit the gas again, rolling forward. You watched as he focused on the road, head still bobbing slightly to the music, but definitely more focused now. It was cute, the way you could say something offhand, or as a joke, and that he would eat up every word.
The ride to the corner by your house wasn’t long, and before you knew it, the van was coming to slow, approaching the curb. You unclipped your seatbelt, leaning forward slightly in your seat as Eddie came to a stop.
“Thanks again for breakfast.” You said. “And sorry I passed out on your couch.”
“You can pass out on my couch anytime, babe.” He said, turning to grin at you. “And I mean that - you let me know if you wanna have another little sleepover.”
“I’ll think about it.” You said, popping your door open. Before leaving the van though, you leaned over the center console to press a quick kiss to Eddie’s cheek. “Thanks for the ride.”
Eddie’s face lit up instantly. “Woah, woah- hold on a sec.”
“What?” You laughed.
“You gotta give me a real one now.” Eddie said. “Come on, you I made you waffles.”
You pretended to ponder for a moment before leaning over the center console again, Eddie meeting you halfway to press your lips together. He kissed eagerly, but well, his lips soft against yours.
When he pulled back, it was with a smile. “Same time next week?”
“Works for me.” You said, sliding out of your seat. “I’ll see you later Eddie.”
You closed the van door and circled around to the other side, stepping onto the sidewalk to watch as Eddie pulled away, still grinning like an idiot. It wasn’t until you turned around that you saw who was sitting on your front porch, eyes wide like she’d seen a ghost.
Pam.
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witches-pierre · 9 months
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I recently have been getting back into divination and witchcraft as a means to try and unpack my rampant religious trauma. It’s been… a struggle to say the least. Some days are better than others, some days I get filled with an intense anxiety that maybe the god of my old religion will turn my life to hell for even daring to consider anything else.
But I now that’s not true; and that along with so many other ideas are so unhealthy.
That little dissertation out of the way; here’s a list of things I did recently that I’m proud of myself for doing. Cause we all need to be proud of ourselves from time to time; especially when dealing with trauma:
• Number one biggest thing! I’ve started doing shadow work! I’ve started to work through identifying my different triggers and it’s challenging to say the least. While I won’t get into it here let’s just say I’m not in the most accepting environment atm. So while I’m working to move out I’m hoping shadow work will allow me the mental clarity to survive just a little longer.
• I’ve managed to record my tarot readings somewhat often; sure maybe the longest I’ve gone is about 4 weeks between them but the fact that I had able to do it at least twice in one month is incredible by my standards! 
• Speaking of tarot; recently I’ve started to get better at interpreting the meaning of the cards outside of using books. I have about 3 tarot books that I read the meaning of my cards from (I like to get multiple perspectives) and recently started interpreting the cards myself, writing it down what I got and THEN consulting my books. More often than not my interpretations tend to lineup with the books. This is uber exciting for me since I have terrible memory and the fact it’s starting to stick makes me hopeful!
• I made my first oil; that being rose oil! And it’s been three months and it hasn’t gone moldy!! (Another incredible thing by my standards!)
• I made my first spell jar! (A protection jar of course) I usually stay within the realms of Knot magick, but I wanted to push myself a little further. I’ve spent months watching videos and reading books (both witchy and practical) about different herbs and ingredients used in this kind of spell work. Now the finished thing sits nicely in the corner of my room hidden from prying eyes.
• I figured out how to make my grimoire aesthetic looking! The key is, you don’t!
Well I mean, let me explain. I realized that the overwhelming pressure of making my writing look good was… overwhelming. So instead I use an old animal crossing themed notebook I got for my birthday. It takes a lot of the pressure off.
And I know what your thinking; Pierre that’s not really a solution! All the witch influencers always say that and then still have amazing looking grimoires anyway!!!
Well yeah; but here’s the kicker, that shitty little notebook that’s an unorganized mess where all your ideas go; that’s your working grimoire.
Think of it like a sketchbook; a place where all your incomplete thoughts and scribbles go. It’s okay to have it look messy cause it’s you learning. Write down work in progress spells; ideas, and the like.
That way when you come up with a spell that has results; or you feel like you’ve studied and gathered enough information on a topic; you comb over that information in that crappy little book; take the valuable bits and then take the time to put them in pretty little book.
I ramble to much about it already; maybe I’ll make a whole separate post on it. And if did it will be linked here
Feel free to join in with your list in the comments!
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m34gs · 5 months
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For the writing ask meme: 9, 12, 19, and 30!
Hi friend, thank you so much for the ask! Sorry for the late reply; my migraine was really bugging me earlier. It's eased up a little now so I am excited to answer! 💜💜💜 (ask based on this post)
9. What fic meant the most to you to write?
Honestly, I would have to say A Different Kind of Magic; my Kalim/Idia fanfic where Idia mentors Kalim and Jamil in learning to control their magic before it consumes them. I know Kalim and Idia are a rarepair, and I know that this fic kind of just seems like me running wild with my imagination and going crazy with the angst. To be fair, those things are pretty much true. But, it's also a lot more than that to me. It's a story about grieving, about learning to let go of the past without forgetting it, about how parents aren't perfect and family is a work in progress, about how trauma follows you no matter how hard you try to hide it, and about how sometimes you can't have everything you want even though it might break your heart. That's some of what I've been dealing with over the past couple of years and so when I wrote this fic, those were all the emotions and feelings at the forefront of my mind. That's why it's so heavy. That's why there's happy parts mixed in with the sad. That's why there's no damnation of characters that don't behave perfectly and there's forgiveness and love in the end. Because that's what I needed too. I didn't even realize how much I needed to write that fic until I was already in the thick of it, and then I had a moment where I went "Oh. Oh. Oh shit this is me this is mine this is what I feel right now this is me" and I almost cried over it that day. I usually do put a lot of myself into fics, but this one was just so different and so raw. I put a lot of my soul into it. I really love this fic; I'm happy with how it turned out and it was so cathartic to write. So, yeah, it would be the most important one to me. If all the others somehow ended up accidentally deleted, I would be sad but I would be ok as long as this one stayed.
12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?
Hmmm, for a singular fic I think the most challenging one for me this year was the gift fic Mistletoe Misunderstandings (a Twisted Wonderland fic where Yuu is the only one aware of the Mistletoe Kissing Tradition); simply because it was the first time I included at least one representative of each NRC dorm in one fic for Twisted Wonderland. Capturing so many different personalities was a challenge for me, and several of the characters were ones I hadn't really written yet, or had not written often, so I pushed myself a bit. I did complete it and it was a lot of fun to do! I was in love with the prompt for it, and I absolutely am happy with how it turned out!! Definitely feel I've grown as a writer, hehe.
19. Share your favorite opening line
"There are some things in the world that simply cannot be explained. There are others which do, in fact, have an explanation, but it is so ancient and so secretive it has been forgotten. Others have an explanation yet to be discovered. Which of those three apply to the little convenience store in True Cross? It is impossible to tell, as much as it is impossible to tell what came first: the portal to another world or the wall it shares a space with."
-from Inconvenience Store, my Blue Exorcist Bon/Rin Haunted Convenience Store AU! I'm not sure why, this opening just sticks in my brain so much. I was super proud of it when I posted the first chapter, and I'm still pretty proud of it! Still a work in progress, and I love every minute I get to work on it!! :D
30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?
Ooooh there's so many things! Of course, I'm excited to write more of the Saw AU and the Bar AU, as always! But if we're talking about individual fics not in a series, I would have to say I'm really wanting to start posting my Vampire Idia x Human Kalim fic in 2024! I love the ideas I have for it and I am super excited to write more of Idia and Kalim as a couple. (Plus, @kamikazequail gave me inspiration for another vampire au; since when asked I couldn't decide if I liked Human Ortho or Vampire Ortho better...there shall be two AUs!! Mwahahaha). And I'm excited to see what the year will bring!
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What happened to you? You got jaded about your twdg posts?
What happened? *shrug* Life, probably.
Honestly, I've been pretty jaded about TWDG for a while, mostly when it comes to the fandom and a lot of my old work. It's been freeing to not feel compelled to be here and constantly posting like I used to. I show up when I want, post what I want, and I've stopped caring what people might say or feel. That's definitely had an impact on what I do post these days.
Like... we've talked about everything, y'know? I've answered the same asks over and over again, we've discussed everything, and there's nothing new to talk about. Except for the comics. Hence why I'm mostly talking about that. Hate 'em all you want, but it's new and more fun to talk about than answering "what do you think happened to Christa?" for the hundredth time.
Even with Louis there just isn't anything more I can say about him. I've said it all. There's nothing new I can say. He's still my boy, I love him. But I can only write so many essays talking about his vote, or why he and Clementine are my favorite couple, or why he's my favorite character in TWDG. I know I always give y'all the ol' "Oh one day I'll write that Louis character analysis" but I've already done it. It's just spread out all over my blog.
I've talked about the burnout I experienced while running this blog a couple years ago when I was doing themed nights, writing fics and analyses, all that. As in the burnout was severe and I've only recently gotten back into creative writing and have been able to stick with it. And I'm not writing TWDG fics anymore.
After spending so much time away, I've gone back and looked through a lot of my old stuff on ao3 and I see it all through different eyes.
It's a complicated feeling to be like "I'm proud that I wrote this much and that people liked my stories, that's a feeling I'll always cherish" but also feeling "I hate everything I wrote for TWDG, how did any of you tolerate me?" at the same time. While I have a lot of positive feelings about my fics, I've become very critical of that stuff and have many negative feelings about [with you] in particular that tend to overshadow the good a lot of the time.
And I feel bad about that. [with you] was my most popular story but I made bad choices that prevented me from finishing it, and now it's discontinued and a lot of people are pissed at me for that and they're not shy about letting me know... well, actually they are shy; they always tell me on anon. But I feel bad about letting my readers down but I'm also not going to force myself to do something I don't want to do.
So... yeah, I'm jaded about TWDG and my content. There's nothing new to talk about, I'm not writing anymore TWDG fanfiction. I'm happy to talk about the Clementine comics, I answer asks, and occasionally I do get the itch to write about something else, but I've moved on. The creative writing I'm doing right now is for a Dragon Age fic and I'm trying to learn from my mistakes from my TWDG stuff to not repeat them with this. I have a DA side blog that I have posts planned for. That's about it.
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liltaz-asatreat · 2 years
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YES YES YES I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO REBLOG IT :DDD
Obviously I gotta ask about Lucretia and then Julia and I'm also gonna ask about amber :>
:DDDD
You can find the ask game here!
So for Lucretia:
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I almost put deeper than she seems top, but then I thought about it, and in the podcast, while we don't see a lot of her at all, including the Stolen Century, she's still portrayed as a very deep character obviously with everything she's got going on and that she did lol
And honestly, the reason why I would be afraid of her is because, upon first meeting her, I would definitely be intimidated because I'm always intimidated by people I see as authority figures no matter what context it is or how I meet them, and I feel like on top of that, she would have a pretty intimidating aura post stolen century, and even through a lot of the latter years of the stolen century, particularly after cycle 65. And then once I'd get to know her or if I was in the balance universe and met her after Story and Song and heard the story, I would also be afraid of her because I see so much of myself in her (like now irl! Lol) and like, her whole deal and the decisions she made being a reminder of some parts of myself that I'm not too proud of and having her be a mirror as I think about what I would have done in her situation and wondering if there would be a reality in which I wouldn't do what she did even though I know it's wrong because of the thinking and behavioral patterns I constantly have to fight and sometimes fall back on without being in a apocalyptic situation 24/7 for countless years
How do you look someone in the eyes with the love you feel for them when they've deeply hurt the people they're closest too and countless others in the crossfire and being angry on the victims' behalf while also knowing that she was just doing her best and trying to mitigate the hurt they were already feeling and fix things the best way she knew how and tried her best to make them happy and safe while also knowing the aftermath and why it was wrong while also knowing that if put under the exact same circumstances having the exact same experiences, you would have done the same thing, so you have no room to judge?
How do you look at yourself after coming to that revelation?
Anyway, I just love her and am angry at her and hurt for her and have complicated feelings about her and myself and yeah *arm wiggles*
Definitely mentally I'll over her ghfkajflJxk
For Julia:
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There's like, no information about her in canon, so while I do like the things about her that's stated in canon, most of everything has to come from head canon and fanon ghdlajflJsl
And honestly, I never really had much to say about her because like, no one basically knows anything about her, but now I'm like, writing this whole AU where I have to make stuff up about her based on the bare bones Travis gave, and it's gotten a lot easier to do that as time has gone on, but I feel like she's basically more of an OC at this point?? Which is fine I guess since she only showed up for 2 scenes, and Travis' main descriptor of her is that she made Magnus into a "good man" instead of a "good person", whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean fjslahflKcjal
But I love her and I desperately wish she had more screen time, both because I want to know more about her as an audience member because she seems cool and she and Magnus were happy together and they deserve the best and also because it would make my life as a fanfic writer so much easier!!! Lmao like, I worry about whether she's in character or not all of the time beyond my normal can't keep any character consist, but also like, there is virtually no canon to stick to which should be freeing but AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
For Amber:
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I don't really have too much to say about her rn; I think that's mostly because it's been a while since I listened to Ethersea or thought about it and her all that much. But I did put a slash through they've never done anything wrong in their life because that's most of my feelings toward her, but I do feel like she was a little hard on Devo in the end there (though I can't really blame her for snapping just... when he just lost his mother figure? That's when she snapped? Really?) And I really wish they had been able to resolve that.
I also put a slash in they got done dirty by the fans because, while most of the posts I had seen about her during the last arc of the campaign were okay, there were a few that were harsh on her about her reactions to Devo and all the reasons why they hated her now when like, she had reason to be upset with him? I'm not saying that her being hard on him right after he lost Guidance was right, but Devo wasn't right in how he was treating people then and for the entirety of the podcast either tbh, and that argument and resulting tension for the rest of the season was a long time coming. And even though she was done with his bullshit, she still cared enough about him to go after him in the tower despite not wanting to and to make sure he was safe and even got to see the surface of another world before she dived head first into it.
Like, neither of them are perfect characters, far from it actually, and that's the point, and I think there were some people who were too harsh on both of them. Myself included at times tbh
Most of the other posts about her were fine though, so that's why it's only a slash lol
Thank you for sending this in!!! :D
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sebs-studies · 2 years
Text
18.11.22
A realistic day for me, a first year uni student in the UK.
Woke up at 1 pm. Yep productive start to the day, but I'm glad I did because that was the most sleep I have had in weeks and I needed it (for reference I went to bed at 8am yay insomnia).
Seminar 2 pm - 3 pm. Thursday's are a really light day for me this is my only contact hour. Right now we are working on a group project and I have to say I'm not a fan.
Then I went into the city for some coffee and some small necessities. Got home for 4:30 pm.
Realised I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday morning so I was promptly cooked toad in the hole because it's all I had left in my freezer and it was easy to do.
Now so far I'm feeling pretty shit because the day is almost over (it's already dark out due to daylight savings). So I want to do something. But my desk and general living space is a mess. I haven't cleaned in at least a month and even then it wasn't really cleaning. I have a pile of laundry as tall as me. So I stick on a podcast and try to tackle what can only be called a depression room.
So I started cleaning at 5 pm. I finish cleaning now, as I write this post, at 1 am. But I did three loads of laundry (washed, dried and put away). Bleached and scrubbed my entire bathroom. Reorganised most of my room with a few things left to do. Tackled my desk which didn't even look like a desk.
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So other than the seminar I got no studying done and I'm still two weeks behind on reading but I am so damn proud of myself for taking care of myself. I actually made celebratory pancakes at midnight which then motivated me to do my dishes (and stop taking up counter space sorry flatmates).
Now at some point I do want to talk about why uni is hard for me. Not because I think anyone cares but I really enjoy looking back on these posts for future me. And I want future me to see that even when it builds up you can still tackle it. And you always come first.
Sorry for the wordy post I doubt anyone is reading this but again I do this mostly for my sake. So yeah. Here's an accurate day for me. I'm either taking care of myself, only studying or doing nothing. And I'll take this over nothing ┌⁠|⁠o⁠^⁠▽⁠^⁠o⁠|⁠┘
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The pictures are now my (mostly) cleaned room I did hide a couple things. Going to continue trying to read ASOIAF and see if I sleep tonight. Good luck y'all!
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magicallymeta · 1 year
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Alright, folks, I've got a slightly melted cocktail (Blue Hawaii Ramune, a few drops of orange bitters, a healthy dash of this locally made spicy pear shrub, and two shots of tequila) and episode 6 of Wednesday to get through:
1) love the circular mirror visual so much; they have a lot of fun iwht it in shots, but I still feel like they could have used it more. It reminds me of when Chloe becomes The Watchtower on Smallville and they both used the set a lot and never enough. (And yeah, I'm going to fucking mention Chloe and Smallville in 2022, okay? That show is important to me, contrary to what has become of certain people who were once involved with the show. The characters are not their actors and vice versa, unless you're Jensen Ackles/Dean Winchester. I don't make the rules!)
2) ENID IS SO FUCKING CUTE ALL OF THE TIME. GIve me her entire wardrobe. I mean, I want Wednesday's, too, but I think that's the difference in emotional expression: Rachie sees a Wednesday look and thinks "that's so stupid and cool, whatever, fuck off" and Dawni Rae sees Eni and thinks "OH MY GOD WHERE DO I GET THAT IMMEDIATELY?!" It's all about the balance, baby.
3) This surprise party for Wednesday is so fucking cute, and I love her for reacting to all things Manic Pixie Mary Sue about her in annoyance. Blessings.
4) I'm loving Jenna Ortega's balance between Wednesday and Goody. I love a good "same actress/different characters" in a story, especially when it's a "hey look, my ancestor and I happen to look almost EXACTLY the same!" Amazing.
5) The music shift when Enid gives Wednesday her snood. MY HEART. Everythning about that scene was a gift, specifcally, for me.
6) Angsty white boy scenes are so annoying, good god. I can't wait for that part to be over when I've finished.
7) Obsessed with Bianca/Lucas now. Don't know why, but I love that she immediately was honest with him and then admitted that she knew exactly who he was. I think because I've found myself liking them seperately that it means them together has a better chance for both of their character's extending throughout the story moving forward. I hate it when there are good characters just randomly floating on the sideline of the main storyline. Like, those people are where it's at, man! Don't walk away from them!
8) Ugh, more of the Well Intioned White Boy scenes are just as annoying as the Angsty White Boy scenes. it's annoying that some of Wednesday's best moments come when she's against he worst scene partners. This includes the Sheriff. Especially when she's opposite the Sheriff.
9) It's all coming together, more or less, and I'm so excited for it to finish. The fireplace in the Principal's office is so fucking sick, and again, I love Christina Ricci.
10) "Take the win Enid" "Two Best Friends!" I'm so in love with them, be still my little heart.
11) Wednesday is like, "For my birthday, I want a bisexual creepy date with my boy/girl love interests to who is more deserving of my affections." The answer is Enid across the board, but it's cute that Tyler is still sticking in the game for hetero storylines.
12) I love that the "pretty" boys get "sexy scar scratches" and the other boys get mutilated in some way. Seems about right. Very CW.
13) Enid blowing up and leaving her pastel side of the room to haunt Wednesday while she curls up in a ball. WENESDAY. GIRL. Shatter my heart. I feel so alive.
If I wasn't so set on following through on writing up my thoughts on every episode, I would have for sure finished by now, but I'm proud of myself for following through on this. It's like, every little step leads to a bigger things at some point, even if some of it you have to slog through.
On a side note, I was really excited to have the house to myself this weekend and to get so many of the things I'm constantly trying to get done, done, and I've been putting in a lot of work, but it doesn't feel like I've accomplished as much as I was hoping to. It allows the voice in my brain that tells me if my dreams were important I would be doing this all of the time, but I'm not because it must not be. I hate that voice, because it sounds like very Boss Bitch and Capitalist Christian that's ever made me feel like I'm broken or lazy for not being able to "hit the grind" or whatever the fuck.
I keep wanting to stop writing these post and just enjoy the show. It's an argument I'm constantly having inside my head -- do I want to enjoy and consume, or do I want to consume and create? These are entirely different ways to do things, but they're both equally important and I struggle to find the balance between them or when to initiate which roll when I'm dealt a circumstance of life. I share this hear because it's on my mind and I want to and it's my blog and I can do what I want, but also because this is what it's become for me for awhile -- where do I put my time and how do I use it? I constantly feel as if my time is not my own, and all I want is to get it back.
Okay, I only have 2 episodes left of this show and then I can go to sleep. I doubt I'll get through both of them tonight, I can feel myself waning (see above philosophies), but I'll set alarms and finish it in the morning with my coffee. I won't have the house to myself for very long, but I bet I could get through this and then move into my mirror project, which was the one thing I wanted to have completed by the time this weekend was offically over. Depending on my schedule this week, maybe I'll take Monday off and give myself an extra weekend day to finsh up everything on my list! Wish me luck, friends!
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mercy-burning · 3 years
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Your Favorite — Part 3
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: As the summer comes to a close, Spencer and Y/N start feeling a shift in their relationship. Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Adults w/ age gap, thigh riding, exhibitionism, oral sex (male receiving), penetrative/unprotected sex, breeding kink, one line of daddy kink,  Word Count: 4.3k exactly, love how that turned out lol
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | MASTERLIST
NOTE: Thank you all for sticking with me through this long wait, I feel so bad for having to keep putting it off. But I’m very proud of where this ended up, and I’m so glad you’ve all been so excited about it! I had so much fun writing this story, so again, thank you very much for reading and indulging me in this weird fantasy lolol ❤ Love you guys! And, as always, thank you to the lovely Em ( @boldlyvoid ) for being my beta for this series! Your feedback and support has been a big help from the start, ILY
———
AUGUST 12th
"I don't wanna hear a single word, understand?"
Not like I have a choice; As soon as the harsh whisper leaves Spencer's mouth, his hand is covering my own and my back is being pressed up against the wall of the storage closet.
But that's all he does. I wait for him to make a move, but instead he insists on being a tease.
"What? You've been trying to get my attention all night, and now that you have it, you're not gonna do anything with it?"
"I want you to do it for me," I mumble into his hand.
He shoves me harder into the wall and slots his knee in between my legs, spreading them apart and making me sigh.
"You wanted it so bad... So take it..."
Watching the amusement dance through his features as I grind down on his leg and whine into his mouth only excites me more, right next to the knowledge that downstairs the house is congested with people visiting to celebrate my mom's new promotion at work.
Needless to say, it doesn't take me very long to start feeling my stomach tense. My hips are wild as they roll over his leg, whines spewing from my mouth and into his hand. I look up into his eyes, doing my best to show him how much I could never grow tired of this, and he returns the favor by lifting his leg higher and giving me more friction.
In no time at all, I'm shuddering against him, feeling his hand press harder into my mouth to muffle the high-pitched whines that I can't help but expel.
"Nice and quick... Good girl..." Spencer muses, slowly peeling himself away from me. "You're really looking forward to being spoiled later, aren't you..."
The grin that spreads over my face is unwavering. "Definitely. Knowing Mom, she'll be passed out cold in like an hour."
I know I'm the one who brought her up, but it still stings a little when Spencer smiles fondly. "Yeah, she's a lightweight alright... You sure you can handle all this time without me until then?"
Despite the butterflies I get when he says it, mischievous and downright delectable, his hands reach out to grab my waist and pull me closer to him, I roll my eyes. "You underestimate me."
He studies my face for a moment, a pretty smile flashing before me in the dim light before he kisses my cheek. "Sure."
And when he leaves, I wait.
Minutes later, my skin still burns from his touch.
———
The moment my eyes open the next morning, it all comes back in flashes.
His lips are on my skin, travelling lower and lower...
His hands trail all over my body, featherlight in a way that leaves me with goosebumps.
His tongue starts slow, taking its time to taste me and savor every precious second.
His voice is like the sweetest prayer, whispering praises that leave my head dizzy and my heart pounding.
His lips languidly open and close around the most sensitive parts of my body, in tandem with that sweet, magnificent tongue as each action pulls sighs from the very depths of my soul.
His hands reach up and tangle with mine as he makes me come on his tongue, over and over again until I'm practically numb and the lull of sleep drags me under.
His hands now ghost over my bare skin, along my sides and down to my waist. I hum happily and push back against him when I feel it.
He's hard.
"How long before you think she wakes up?" he whispers in my ear.
"Not long... Maybe we... shouldn't risk i—"
The words fall off a cliff, never to be seen again when he slowly enters me, gripping my leg and forcing it over his own. "I'll be quick."
I can tell, though, that he doesn't want to be. It's present in the way he enters me, over and over with motions that feel rather stunted and definitely too rushed.
"Baby, no," I whine, reaching behind me to hold his hips still with one hand. "Fuck me slow... Don't rush..."
"But... Your mom..."
"Please..."
Spencer sighs, though not from exasperation. No, his breath is long and teeming with relief, hands gently roaming over the entirety of my body as his hips move slower. He's taking his time, relishing every second and feeling me gradually get more slick at his undoing.
His lips are on my neck, not providing marks to match the ones hidden on the inside of my thighs and my chest, but merely resting there. He kisses me in between gentle thrusts, letting out small whimpers of his own when I clench tightly around him.
This...
This is different.
We've had slow morning sex before, but never like this. Somehow, I find myself drifting, like I'm being carried away by his current. There's nothing but me, Spencer, and our breathing... Our bodies, our air, our souls...
This is what I imagine making love feels like.
Which is why I barely notice when it slips from my mouth— Three words that should feel more daunting due to the weight they hold and the way they ultimately change everything. And yet, whispering “I love you,” in a nearly breathless string of syllables feels incredibly natural. It’s more sincere than anything I think I’ve ever told him, so much so that I don’t even think about what it will mean in the long-run. Instead I let it fall from my lips again and again without regret or consequence.
He doesn't stop, either. Spencer continues to fuck me softly, like it's all he knows how to do. In fact, my confession only seems to make him relax more.
And that's what finally pushes me over the edge.
His name escapes my mouth in a whisper that sounds more like a plea not to leave, and he holds me closer to him. Our bodies are flush together, my back resting perfectly against his chest as he takes a few final thrusts and empties himself inside of me.
If we stayed like that forever, I could die happy.
And actually, that wouldn't be far from the truth, given that if we did stay here forever, my mom would certainly find us and kill us.
The thought makes me sigh.
"You have to leave..."
"I know..."
Spencer pulls me closer, squeezing me tight and giving me a long, bold kiss on the jaw before he rips himself away and takes my heart with him.
AUGUST 18th
Things are significantly different now.
After the morning I let slip that I love him, Spencer and I had been intimate once. We found ourselves alone while Mom was at the grocery store and instinctually came together.
It was quick, and it was fast and rough, and while it obviously felt good, something was off. But I knew it wasn't a physical problem. Like I said, it felt as good as any other time we'd been together, but it just wasn't right.
I hate it.
It hasn't even been a week since then, and I miss him. I miss our dynamic, and I miss the way I used to feel when he touched me.
So I stalk into the office and lean against the doorframe, watching Spencer as he goes through a large pile of paperwork. His hands and his eyes are moving at near light-speed, and the way he concentrates almost makes me feel bad for my intrusion—Honestly, I could have looked at him all damn day.
But there's a bigger plan in mind.
"What'cha up to?"
He looks up and greets me with a smile. "School starts in a few weeks. I'm just trying to get my coursework prepared."
"Oh... You... mind if I keep you company?"
"Not at all."
It's an innocent enough exchange, though I'm hoping I can change that. Mom doesn't get off work for another few hours, so it gives me ample time to do what I have planned.
I walk over and nudge his leg with my knee, and he lets me in. I climb on his lap, and after giving me a brief kiss on the cheek he returns to going through his paperwork.
My face turns and I nestle it into his neck. He hums softly when I kiss the skin under his jaw, once, and then twice, and then over and over in quick succession.
I can feel him smile. "What are you up to, princess?"
Hearing the nickname return in earnest makes me smile. I nip softly at his neck and run my tongue along it. "Mmm, trouble."
"Sounds like you," he mutters through a sultry sigh once I start going lower, kissing the top of his shoulder.
I slide my hands up the front of his chest and gently undo the top button, giving me access to more skin. "You love it when I make trouble..."
"Hmm, I'm not sure about that."
I slide off his lap then, crouching between his legs and looking up at him with a smile. "Really?"
All he does is look down at me, his pupils growing bigger by the second. So I continue my venture, sliding my hands up the insides of his legs until I reach the belt. "So you don't love when I do this?"
Spencer sighs, helping me by lifting his hips a little and letting me slide down layers of fabric until his dick is right in front of me.
I don't waste any time, taking him in my hand and bringing him to my mouth. He's still not entirely hard yet, but I don't mind at all. In fact, I let out a happy sigh just before I press kiss after kiss along the entire length of him. From base to tip, I take my time kissing and licking along the salty skin and giving him my full attention. I pull back and admire him, I smile, I kiss and I lick and I squeeze him with my hand... And when he's finally nice and hard, I take the head of his cock in my mouth and suck gently.
"Y/N..."
I hum around him, sinking further down until he hits the back of my throat, and then I come back up and repeat. It's slow. Maybe torturous even, but really I don't mean it to be.
Thankfully Spencer seems to be happy with my speed and technique; His eyes are on the verge of closing and his chest is heaving slowly, fingers gently caressing the sides of my face as I go down on him.
It's this same slow, steadying pace we'd taken before, and it's exactly what we needed.
I can feel his touch on my face, burning into my skin and marking me for all eternity. Likewise, the thick, throbbing weight of his cock sliding over my tongue and down my throat feels just like home— Like it's right where we're meant to be.
Once again, we fit together perfectly.
This epiphany sets a fire deep in the pits of my stomach, and just like that our spark is back again.
I look up and catch his eye, and he lets me keep it, forcing himself to keep his eyelids open to watch me. My pace remains consistent and slow, and and he brings both of his hands under my chin. The way he holds my face is so gentle, so loving and sensual that I nearly burst with tears at the sentiment alone, and it doesn't take long for him to start letting go.
He stutters my name when he comes, still using the pads of his nimble fingers to caress my throat. I take in and swallow each rope of cum until it's gone, and even then I keep him in my mouth, gently bobbing my head up and down just for the sake of feeling him inside me somehow.
But then he lifts me off of him and his dick falls limp in his lap. I sigh and lean down, kissing it a few times before just resting my head in his lap as he strokes my hair.
"You're right," Spencer says after a few moments.
"About what?"
"I do love when you make trouble."
We laugh, and I lift my head to look up at him.
"I know... It's your favorite."
"That it is, princess."
AUGUST 26th
I wish more than anything that this orientation would just end. My left foot is anxiously tapping the cool white tile of the floor as I wait to be next in line to grab my paperwork and get on my way— To home for what I'm sure will be a long weekend trying to find free minutes to steal with Spencer.
In another life it might have gotten tedious and painful sneaking around for so long, but I found it excited me. Sure, my feelings for Spencer were growing at an exponential rate, but ever since I visited him in our home office, we seemed to be getting back our groove— With an added flair I might add...
Each time we were together was more intense than the last. His hands got more possessive, his kisses got deeper and more passionate, and the way he looked at me?
I could swear I felt him falling just as deep as I was.
The smile it all brought to my face in that moment fell a little short when they called me next in line, and I fell into a joyful step forward to collect my things.
When I get home, though, things aren't as joyful.
The first thing I notice is that Spencer's car isn't in the driveway or even on the street. He's usually here on weekends, so I wonder if he's out for something, or even out with my mom on a lunch date or something.
I try not to think about that thought too much and step inside, hoping to at least enjoy the silence for a little while, lest they really are out together.
I think I'm out of the woods when I hear the television, a laugh track of some kind, but then it turns into the Friends theme blaring through the speakers, and my heart nearly falls into the pit of my stomach.
There's only one reason Mom would be watching Friends. She swears up and down that she hates it, but it always ends up on TV when there's one specific thing she's going through, because "Hearing them complain about their stupid problems make me feel better about my own!"
Her own problem being a breakup.
For a moment I wonder if maybe Spencer had told her about us. Or maybe she found something somehow that would give us away. I make my way slowly through the space until I reach the living room, my brain making up every possible horrendous outcome— Not even to prepare for the blow, because I know that absolutely nothing could prepare me for the wrath of my mother in any situation... I simply can't help myself from feeling guilty and heartbroken as my stomach churns and my heart beats so loud I can barely hear the TV anymore.
When I come into her view, Mom freezes and lets out a large breath of shaky air. The small tub of ice cream in her hands shakes just as much, and I can tell she's trying her hardest not to burst into tears.
I've never seen her this upset before. Normally it's just anger and annoyance, but this time she looks utterly broken.
"M—Mom?" I stutter, even though she probably can't even hear what I'm saying over the TV. I still don't know if she knows about my involvement with Spencer, but I feel like she'd be more angry with me than sad, so I figure it's safe to come closer.
The moment I take a step forward, she sets the ice cream on the floor and opens her arms to me, a choked sob forcing its way out. It almost makes me cry, just seeing her this heartbroken, and in an instant I'm running to her and snuggling into her side as she hugs me.
"What happened?" I will myself to ask, even though I still have no idea what it means for me. Maybe that's selfish, but if he's taking himself out of Mom's life, surely that has to mean he's removing himself from mine as well, right? And if he's just leaving without saying anything... God, that would ruin me, too.
Still, I wait to hear what Mom will say.
"He broke up with me," is all she says, through a long and tired sigh. She mutes the TV and then holds me tighter. I can feel that there's pure sadness controlling her every movement, and it crushes me.
"Why?"
"I don't know, he just... He said he didn't love me, and he wasn't feeling it anymore."
"That's all?"
"Uh huh... It was so sudden, too, like... I thought we were really getting along, and I just... I don't understand how he couldn't feel it... I felt all of it, and he just... He felt nothing. How could he feel nothing?"
I really don't know what to say anymore... It seems to me like Spencer really told her the truth and ended their relationship because he didn't feel anything for her anymore, but... I always knew he had to have felt something... I guess I just didn't realize someone could fall out of it so quickly.
The guilt overwhelms me then, when it dawns on me that I made him fall out of it so fast. I was there, taking up small moments of his time until, eventually, I'd taken up so much of it that it wasn't just his time I was stealing, but also his love. His fire, and his passion... Month by month, day by day, I was draining the love he had for my mom and distilling it to meet my own desires.
And now, here I am, in my mothers arms as she weeps over a man she truly loved, all because he and I were selfish and treasonous.
If Spencer decides he still wants to be with me after this, I really don't know if I could do it. Even after all this time... After all this trouble and guilt and glorious treason...
He could never really be mine.
———
Y/N,
I knew this day would come from the moment I met you. Of course, I didn't know how far my feelings would take me, but in the end I knew I would one day have to leave you and your mother behind.
Day by day my feelings for you grew stronger, and it wasn't until you told me you loved me that August Thirteenth that I realized I loved you, too. What we had was always dangerous, but by then my heart was focused solely on you, and I could feel your mother slipping from my grasp.
I pretended for as long as I could, but now you've taken up so much space in my brain that when Eve pulled me near, I almost sighed out your name instead. I knew then that no longer could I "keep up appearances," as I often like to tell you.
Maybe one day you and I can find our way back to each other, but for now, I think it's for the very best that we go our separate ways.
In my wildest dreams I will think of you fondly, and I can only hope that you might do the same.
Always Yours, Spencer
JUNE 19th, SEVEN YEARS LATER
There are so many things I'm thinking about when I come home tonight.
One: I'm a little tipsy and completely fucked out, which reminds me of that night I came home in the exact same state, only to find my mom's old boyfriend, Spencer, unable to sleep and to stop staring at my bare legs. The memory brings a smile to my face.
Two: My feet fucking hurt and I want to get these goddamned shoes off.
Three: The ghost of Spencer's smile when he saw me for the first time in seven years burns in the back of my mind, right next to the ghost of his hands caressing my skin like it had been the first time.
Four: How am I going to spend the rest of the summer back in town knowing what it feels like to have fucked him at all without an ounce of guilt attached to it?
Five: Am I going to tell my mom that I slept with her ex-boyfriend tonight?
Six: Fuck, I'm hungry...
My heels come off as soon as I step through the door.
The light is on, and I can hear Mom laughing in the kitchen with Adam from far away, which brings a fond smile to my face. I'm glad that she's finally happy, with someone who doesn't make me want to fall to my knees, thank you very much.
And truthfully, if I hadn't ran into Spencer at all tonight, I'm not sure I ever would have thought about that whole situation again— It was fucked up, he ended up leaving both of us, and Mom was so deeply devastated after their breakup that I didn't have the heart to tell her I missed him too. I just buried it deep down and tried to move on right alongside her, eventually erasing his memory from my mind, body, and soul.
Well, almost.
There were days, obviously, where his letter hummed inside my pillowcase where he left it, whether I brought it to college or kept it at home, or it sat soundly in my new apartment. His words were always there, spilling into my dreams and dancing with me through our memories; tangled tongues and limbs, wild nights and passionate mornings...
I'd wake up feeling hot to the touch and missing him completely.
Thankfully those days were few and far in between, and for a while I'd stopped thinking of him altogether.
But of course, it turns out that Spencer Reid is in fact, pretty damn inevitable.
That bar downtown was packed, so it was a wonder I'd even ran into him of all people in the first place. What he was doing there I didn't know. And neither do I now, because from the moment we laid eyes on each other, it was this constant state of shell-shock and fire, nothing else. He asked briefly about Mom, I told him she'd been married for four years, and then he joked about how he was surprised I hadn't tried to steal him from her.
Naturally, with that ever so playful look in his eye practically taunting me, I played to his joke and responded with a sultry smile, "The only one I ever wanted to steal was you, Doctor..."
The rest wasn't exactly a blur, but all I'm going to say is that we spent the rest of our time together at his apartment, "catching up on lost time"... And as much as I'd grown out of the submissive role sexually over the years, I found myself crawling back, submitting to him like I'd done it a million times over. And, really, I might as well have.
It's like we'd never stopped.
That being said, I declined his offer to stay the night and told him to give me a call some time before I left to go back to Seattle. Though, not without giving him a thousand goodbye kisses that were rather counterproductive.
Thinking about it makes my cheeks burn hot, though thankfully it's summer, and Mom won't have to question it. Though, if she does, I suppose I could keep it short and sweet and tell her the truth at the very least: that I met up with an old friend who showed me a good time.
"Hey'a, Sweetpea," she greets with a bright wave. She and Adam are obviously a little tipsy, more than me by the looks of it, but I pay it no mind. "How was you're night?"
"Great! Went to a few bars downtown, met up with some friends..."
"Oh, good, well we're glad you got back safe."
I snag a bottle of water and an apple from the fridge, then turn back around to see Mom and Adam snuggled in, sharing a smile that would make even the happiest person on the planet sick to their stomach.
Oddly enough, it reminds me of back then, when she was with Spencer, happier than ever and completely oblivious to what was going on in her daughter's life.
The thought makes my stomach flutter, taking me back to earlier in the night when he had his hands tangled in my hair and his mouth attached to my skin, spewing filthy words and praises that had me begging for more...
"I missed you, princess," he whispers, holding himself deep inside me. His fingers brush the matted hair from my face, revealing more of my saccharine smile and eyes that swim with mischief.
"I missed you too," I whine, reaching out and grabbing handfuls of his ass, shoving him even farther inside me and wrapping my legs around him tighter. "...Daddy..."
Spencer loses all semblance of cool, pulling back and slamming into me with full force. I—
"Y/N?"
I blink away his memory, reminding myself of where I am and what I'm doing, finding Mom looking at me with a curious gleam in her eye.
"What are you thinking about?"
With a small smile, I nod in her direction. "Oh, uh... You'll never believe who I ran into tonight."
———
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celestialrry · 3 years
Text
nerves
4.8k
HELLLLO IM WRITING THIS INTRO AND POSTING THIS WHILE FALLING ASLEEP SO ILL POST ALL THE DETAILS ADN ADD THIS TO MU MASTERLIST LATER I LOVE TOU ALL THANK YOU FOR FOLOWING AND REBLOGGIN KISSES FOT YOU ALL (this is like right after release of hs1 harry I think hope you enjoy mwah)
summary: Actress!Y/N goes onto a talk show, and the host has a surprise for her.
warnings: cursing, kinda sorta an anxiety attack?
Y/N was nervous.
This would only be the 5th talk show she’s ever gone on alone after being in the spotlight for a few years when her acting career took off. She started off with indie films and soon made her way to the red carpet, working with esteemed actors and actress’s she could only ever dream of meeting. It was pure bliss.
Of course, fame came with other struggles like hate from the media and random people on twitter, but at the end of the day she was so grateful she had the opportunity to be in the business. She loved getting into a character, finding out what makes them click, and fully emerging herself in whatever film she’s in. At the moment, she was promoting her new film, and being the lead, she had gone on a few talk show’s by herself, but they never failed to make her sick to her stomach. Having no one to turn to when it gets awkward, even not having body heat by her side in front of a live audience and a professional host made her body rack with goosebumps.
“Miss L/N?” 
Her head turned towards the door of the dressing room she had been sitting in for 15 minutes alone, trying to get her nerves down. “Yes?’ She responded flashing a forced smile to the assistant standing in the door way. “They’re ready for you.” She nodded her head and stood up, brushing the non-existent dust off her long dress and tumbled a bit on her heels to follow the assistant that was already walking towards the side stage. 
They instructed her to wait until her name was called, then walk onto stage and take a seat and have the show progress. So Y/N stood there, biting her bottom lip that was coated with clear gloss and her arms crossed around her waist, her heel covered toe tapping the floor in anticipation. 
“Now welcome our very special, and gorgeous guest, Y/N L/N!” She heard Jimmy Kimmel announce and took a short breath before stepping through the automatically opening curtains. She smiled and waved at the people sitting in the audience, happy to see people supporting her, and greeted Jimmy before taking a seat on the loveseat closest to his desk.
“Y/N! Welcome, how are you feeling tonight?” He flashed a comforting smile at her. 
She chuckled a bit due to her inability to not laugh in uncomfortable situations. “I’ll be honest with you Jimmy,” She said, adjusting herself in the seat. “M’ pretty nervous.”
“Nervous?” He asked. “Now, why would 2 time Emmy Nominee Miss Y/N L/N be nervous?” Jimmy teased.
Her eyes fell to the floor and her cheeks heated up before looking back at him. “Because,” She dragged out. “It’s always nerve-racking being on live TV.”
He just nodded and made a joke about feeling the same even though he does this every week.
“How are you feeling tonight?” She asked.
He smiled before resting his arms on his desk. “I’m feeling good, I have a surprise for you later, but I’m supposed to ask the questions now, will you let me?”
“Of course I will.” She smiled back.
Y/N met Jimmy the first year she really became “famous” and he had always been her favorite late-night talk show host just because he was never invasive or creepy. Her standards for hosts were quite low at this point. They continued on, promoting her new movie and such before he settled back in his seat. 
“So.” He said.
“So.” She said back, raising a brow.
“I hate to ask you this, but I honestly am curious myself,” He began, and her anxiety creeped up just a bit. “Now, we dug through your old interviews, and it seems in every single one, when asked if you had a celebrity crush, your answer was Harry Styles?”
She simply nodded, her cheeks heating up again, and a small smile creeping onto her face at his name. 
“I see that smile, Y/N.” Jimmy said, and she let out a laugh, her smile now wide.
“So, do you mind telling us why you like him so much, or should I say love him so much?” His brow raised.
Y/N laughed a bit more, just at her nerves, and took a breath. “Um, he’s always been such an inspiration for me to actually chase my career, I mean I knew him from when he was on X-Factor to be honest. Binged that show all the time when I was in middle school and to see a boy just 2 years older than me just go straight into being in one of the biggest boy-bands in the world was insane. He’s just so passionate about what he does and I admire him for that. Uh- from what I can tell he’s just very charming, sweet, funny, caring, and…” She trailed off her rant, biting her bottom lip just a tad.
“And?”
“He’s incredibly attractive.” She finished a smile on her face as she glanced at the floor again.
“Understandable. I think he’s a good looking man myself, met him a few times and got flustered,” Jimmy jokes before looking at Y/N. “What if I told you he was the surprise I had for you?”
Her brows furrow as she looks at the man sitting across from her. “What? Do you mean like a video-” She feels a tap on her shoulder. 
Y/N turns around, still massively confused, and then she sees him.
Harry standing in a simple black suit and white button up, only a few of the buttons actually buttoned and her jaw drops. “Hello.” He says, smiling at her.
Her eyes are wide and she looks like a dear in headlights before her face falls into her hands, elbows resting on her knees, her breath erratic. “No, this isn’t- no. He’s not here.” She says into her hands and the crowd laughs. Everyone laughs. 
“M’a bit offended you think I’m not really here, love.” Harry grins, and she pulls her face out of her shaking hands to see him.
She opens her mouth to say something and nothing comes out. 
Harry Styles, her celebrity crush since the ripe age of 14, a crush thats lasted 8 years being 22 now, and she’s only seen him on screens her entire life. “Fuck.” Was all she can say. He laughs a bit at her starstruck appearance and turns to Jimmy. “She’s not normally like this, right?”
“Right.” The host jokes, looking back at the girl on the couch, and his smile diminishes a bit. Her eyes are watering and she’s trying to keep her composure but her bottom lip is trembling and Jimmy’s now worried he’s about to have a sobbing woman on live TV.
“You okay Y/N?” Jimmy asks and her head quickly turns to him and then back to Harry. “I-fuck, I’m sorry.” She tries to laugh it off. Tries not to think about how the man she’s loved even before she knew what love truly was, was standing in front of her right now. 
“Don’t be sorry.” Harry says, slightly frowning but trying to keep a happy face. He’s standing in front of a girl he’s adored ever since he watched her first movie, for Christs sake, and she’s silently about to break down in front of him, because of him. 
Before he can even properly introduce himself, she’s standing on her heels, wobbling a bit, and looking up at him. “Can I hug you?” She mouths, not wanting her question to be picked up on the mic on the back of her dress and before her mouth even closes he’s stepping towards her, big arms wrapping around her waist. Her arms find their way around his chest and her head is resting on his shoulder and her eyes are squeezed shut and she’s mouthing “Oh my fucking god. Oh my god.” Without realizing she’s facing the audience who laugh at her inability to not fangirl. His head dips as he hugs her, reveling in her touch, and then she’s pulling away, remembering they’re on live TV and she can give him a proper hug backstage after this is over when they don’t have to worry about appearances. 
She’s still reeling when his hands slide off her waist and he sticks his hand out and says “It’s so nice to meet you.” She takes his calloused hand in hers and says “Same to you.” Blinking away unshed tears.
“Shall we sit then?” He asks and she looks at Jimmy admiring the moment before back at Harry. “You’re staying?” She blurts out before shutting her mouth abruptly. 
“If you want me too.” He grins that grin she’s always been infatuated by and she nods, maybe too quickly. “Of course I do- yes,” She coughs. “Yeah, uh, please, let’s.”
They both plant themselves on the loveseat, Y/N taking the spot in which she was before and Harry sitting on the other end, keeping a distance between the two. She recomposes herself and sits up. Harry looks at her for a moment before looking back at Jimmy. 
“How are y’Jimmy?” He asks.
“I’m doing well, proud of myself for inviting you, you’re the one person I’ve seen make Y/N go absolutely speechless here,” Jimmy jokes and Y/N groans and smiles, leaning her top half on the arm of the chair, her face in her hands before sitting back up. “How about you, Harry?”
“M’doing well, was very excited to see Y/N here and I’d hopefully say it’s the same for her.” He smiles looking at her, dimples flashing.
“Yeah!” Her voice squeaks. “You’re right. It’s the same for me. I-” She cut’s herself off from saying she’s shitting her pants at the moment. Figuratively, of course, but it’s not very appropriate. She still can’t believe this. Twitter is going to have a field day talking about how flustered Y/N was at this moment.  
“Have something you want to say, Y/N? To Harry, more specifically?” Jimmy asks.
“Um,” She begins, locking eyes with Harry. “Did you hear, what I said, um, before you walked out here?” 
The green eyed man nods. 
Her hands start shaking again and she awkwardly laughs. “I’m sorry you heard that.” She apologizes. 
“Why are you apologizing?” Harry asks her, tilting his head and Y/N was going to pass out. “I’m glad you think all those things about me, plus, it’s a nice ego booster to hear that you think I’m ‘incredibly attractive’.” He chuckles a bit, but truthfully he was happy his celebrity crush feels the same way about him.
She just laughs back and mumbles a “Thanks.” Before Jimmy starts up a conversation about whatever was going on at the moment.
Jimmy and Harry start talking about something and Y/N nods her head and laughs when it’s appropriate but she couldn’t process anything. Her hands were interlocked, shaking in her lap, and all she could feel was Harry. Harry sitting next to her, Harry breathing next to her, Harry waving his hands around while he spoke in front of her. It was all too much. 
Suddenly his knee lightly knocked against her own. She abruptly turned to look at him, but he was still looking at Jimmy. So she assumed it was a mistake, until it happened again, and this time when her eyes looked to him, his met her’s and he gently and subtly moved closer to their thighs were touching. Y/N let the leg that was crossed over her other relax and fall to the couch, only her ankles crossed, and she swore she could hear his breath stop for a moment, but it was too quiet to be sure.
A few moments after they both had gained the courage to barely revel in each others touch, Jimmy was ending the show. Y/N doesn’t remember what she said or did before the camera cut off, she vaguely remembers waving to the audience but she’s not completely sure. 
And then it’s over- just like that.
“This was so fun Jimmy, thank you for inviting me on.” Harry said, standing up (reluctantly) and going to give Jimmy a hug. Y/N on the other hand was watching the interaction and it all hit her like a wave again. Harry fucking Styles was standing in front of her. The men both turn to her as she stands up and she gives a weak smile and mumbles “I forgot I needed to text my assistant, m’sorry I’ll be back.” before speed walking behind the curtain and booking it to her dressing room. She quickly flips the “Do Not Disturb” side of the sign on the door to show and closes the door behind her, her breathing accelerating. 
She barely makes it to the couch before bursting out in tears.
Y/N couldn’t really put a finger on whether or not they were tears of joy, sadness, embarrassment, or a combination of all 3. She’s pretty sure it’s the latter though. She slips her heels off and lies on the couch, her hands over her face with not so silent cries as she tries to calm herself. 
Meanwhile, both Harry and Jimmy sensed that Y/N wasn’t just going to text her assistant. “Do you think- do you think I said something maybe?” Harry quietly asks the late night host as they walk behind the curtain and into a quieter hallway backstage. Jimmy simply shakes his head before locking eyes with Harry. “Have you seen any of the videos where she talks about you, Harry?”
He shakes his head no and the older man pulls out his phone, doing a quick scroll of his email before finding video file and opening it. “A couple of interns here made this combination of all the times she talked about you in her interviews.”We were gonna play it as you were coming out but her manager said it would be too embarrassing.” Was the only preface Jimmy gave before clicking play.
Y/N stood in an elegant emerald colored gown just off the red carpet, all done up for her first big movie premiere. An interviewer stands in front of her, holding a mic that the woman was moving between herself and Y/N. “So Miss L/N, we need some juicy secrets from the “It-Girl” herself. Who’s your celebrity crush?” Y/N looks at the floor, a shy smile on her face as the quietly says “Harry Styles.” The interviewer’s eyes widen and she chuckles a bit. “I feel you honey, what do you like most about him?” Y/N purses her lips slightly before speaking again. “Um, everything? I think he has a really good heart.” The interviewer makes a joke about how she likes his eyes instead and Y/N laughs, but anyone could tell it was forced. 
The screen begins to play another clip. 
Y/N is sitting on a couch with her co-stars of a movie she did a year ago, dressed in a classy blush colored suit, and they’re all playing a game with some other talk show host. “Let’s see who knows Y/N the best now, shall we?” The host asks, and looks down at the cards in his hand. “Who is her celebrity crush?” And almost immediately all of her friends were jotting down their answers on a white board. “That was fast,” The host laughs, as does everyone else. “Okay everyone, flip it around.” ‘Harry Styles’ was written on every single board. “Oh my god.” She smiles wide out of embarrassment and puts her face in her hands. 
It reminds Harry of what she did when she first saw him.
“Y/N! Looks like you’re absolutely smitten with Harry Styles, aren’t you?” The host asks, and before she could even open her mouth, a co-star of hers was already speaking. “She’d play his songs in her trailer in the morning, full volume, and sing them as loud as she could. It was a good way to wake us all up.” He jokes, and everyone laughs at that. “Whenever he’d post a photo on instagram, or tweet something, I’d see tears in her eyes.” Another co-star speaks up. The audience laughs again and she looks to them. ‘I’m serious! Y/N absolutely adores him.” By this time Y/N’s face was out of her hands and she was sinking into the couch. “Are you embarrassed, Y/N/?” The host jokes “Of course not, well I didn’t want to get absolutely exposed, but I’m not embarrassed to be a fan, could never be embarrassed to be a fan of him, he’s… he’s amazing.”
The phone then fades into yet another clip.
This time, Y/N is sitting in a stool, doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview, and she tears off the second paper of the question, “Is Y/N L/N…” . “Is Y/N L/N,” she reads and the paper catches after the word “dating” is revealed. She looks up at the screen, a twinkle in her eyes as she shoots a close-mouthed smile at the camera. She turns back to the board and rips the paper off, struggling a bit and laughing, until it’s revealed. “Is Y/n L/N dating… Harry Styles”  She bursts out laughing, her free hand clutching her stomach.
Harry frowns a but at this, and he didn’t feel like thinking more about why.
 “Um,” She begins, “Sorry, I just- do I really talk about him, that much? S’a bit concerning.” She mumbles to herself. “Yeah, no, I’m not dating Harry Styles, he would never. Though, I like how people think it could be a possibility, thats quite funny. I’ll take the… hidden compliment, is that even the right phrase?”
The screen goes to another clip but Jimmy pauses it there and turns off his phone, turning to Harry. “You didn’t do anything Harry, it’s just you being here, she’s probably overwhelmed and-“
“Mr. Kimmel? Jones needs you.” Someone calls out to him down the hall and Jimmy slips his phone in this pocket and sighs. “Sorry, gotta handle this, thank you, for coming.”
“It’s okay,” Harry assures him, “Thanks for having me.” And at that Jimmy rushes down the hall in search of Jones, and Harry stands in the same spot
Harry knows how much he means to his fans, he’s seen them sob at concerts, break down at meet and greets, and when they tell him how much they love him when they run into him on the street. He knows this. But this felt different, for some reason. Maybe it was the burning feeling in his chest when she laughed off how he would never be with her, for what particular reason he has no clue (or just doesn’t want to address it), or how he couldn’t help but pop a dimple when he heard she loves his music. He wasn’t sure.
What he was sure of though, is that he needed to speak to her again, hug her for longer, actually get to know Y/N. So he walked into the main back room, walking down different halls until he came across the one that read “Dressing Room #4” and Y/N’s name scribbled in messy handwriting on the white board underneath. He knocked a little rhythm, and waited.
Y/N was still crying, to put it lightly. Maybe hyperventilating was the right word, because she was breathing quite fast, and there was a steady stream of tears flowing down her cheeks. She heard the knocks and attempted to calm herself down a bit, yelling out a “One second!” Before wiping under her eyes and walking to open the door. “Eliana,” She began, ready to wave her assistant way (not that she didn’t adore her, but Y/N needed to be alone before talking about everything), “Can you come back in like 15 minutes, I’m sorry I just need to-”
Her mouth closed when she saw Harry outside of her door, his small smile quickly fading into a frown as he took in her state. “Y/N I wanted to- are you okay?” He asked, stepping a bit closer, trying not to push any boundaries. When she didn’t respond and he saw her bottom lip quiver a bit, his chest clenched. “Can I come in? Can we talk?” He gently asked, eyes running over her puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, and disheveled appearance. 
She nodded and he walked in, and she gently shut the door behind him. He turned around to look at her and when his eyes met her’s, she couldn’t take it anymore. She let out a gut-wrenching sob and her face fell in her hands as she shook her head. “I-I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.” She choked out and he stepped towards her, his hand coming to rest on her elbow. “Y/N, please, don’t apologize.” And without thinking he took the last step towards her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her firmly, one of his hands cradling the back of her head. Her hands fell from her face and she held him back, arms wrapping tightly around his torso yet again.
As she cried into his chest, he mumbled a soft, “Breathe for me, love.”, and she tried to get her breathing to match his own deep breathes. “I’m sorry,” Y/N says for the millionth time. “I told you to stop apologizing, Y/N, you haven’t done anything wrong.” He frowns to himself, that burning feeling in his chest again. She reluctantly pulls away, and his hands remain on her arms as her own come up to wipe the tears flowing out of her eyes. 
“You didn’t sign up to be here and have to deal with a crying fan, Harry.” Y/N sighs, finally looking up at him. 
“Hey, I came because I wanted to see you, I’ve seen your movies and I think everything you’re absolutely incredible at what you do, and when Jimmy called asking if I could come to surprise you I jumped at the chance to finally meet you. I know what I signed up for.” He says, his thumbs rubbing the skin of her arms gently.
At his words she let out another sob, her shaking hands coming up to cover her face for a moment yet again. Harry’s eyes widened, he was telling the honest truth, and he didn’t think he said anything wrong. Y/N however, was seeing in person, how king he truly was, and it was just another reality check that the Harry she’s loved for so long really is the same in real life; it was too much to handle. “Thank you,” She sniffles, looking up at him again, meeting his piercing green eyes. “I just, I’ve adored you for years, still do, and I never thought I’d meet you, even after I started getting ‘known’, I always thought you were like, too perfect to be real, and now you’re here and you’re real, and y’know when you meet a celebrity who seems so sweet in interviews and all that but they turn out to be an absolute prick? It’s not like that, you’re the same person I’ve loved over a screen, I- you’ve been my inspiration for fucking years and I don’t know. It’s just a lot.” 
Now her hands were on his arms and they stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.
“M’not perfect, Y/N.” Harry says softly. Y/n chuckles a bit, glancing to the side before meeting his eyes yet again. “I know, I know the ‘nobody’s perfect’ crap, but if you’re insistent on it, then I think you’re the closest thing there is to perfect, Harry.”
His cheeks turn pink at her confession, and a small smile weaves its way onto his face. “Thank you,” He finally says, before bringing her into another hug, this time her arms wrapped around his neck, and he bends down a bit to hold her tighter. “For everything you said, seriously, you’ve got no idea how much it means t’me.” He admits, still reveling in her touch. She slowly pulls away, noting in her head that he never seems to be the one to let go first. “Of course, wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.” She smiles weakly, still drained from all the emotions flowing through her. He just smiles at that, before his hand drags down her arm and he hold her hand, wordlessly pulling her over to sit on the couch. 
He doesn’t let go of her hand as they sit quite close facing each other. “Do y’wanna hear a secret? It might make you feel better.” He suggests, cursing himself for being willing to do anything to see her smile fully. “I wish I could lie and say that it’s something I wouldn’t know, but I think I know a bit too much about you.” She says, letting out a small laugh, and he does too. “I promise you don’t know this.” He mumbles.
“Okay, go for it.” She says, holding his hand a bit tighter. 
“Well, after you bolted here, Jimmy showed me a few of your interviews, and I wanted to tell you that you’re my celebrity crush too.”
Her jaw drops and her eyes widen, a face that looks eerily similar to when she saw him for the first time just an hour prior. “You saw my interviews?” She gasps, her voice cracking at the embarrassment of him seeing her shamelessly confessing her love for him about a million times. It was safe to say she didn’t hear the rest of his confession.
“That’s what you’re focusing on here?” Harry laughs and raises a brow at Y/N.
“What else is there to focus on,” She groans, taking her hand out of his and burying her face into her hands yet again. “I can’t believe Jimmy showed you that, I’m never coming on this show again.” 
Harry grins, a dimple popping as he gently wraps his arms around her wrists, pulling her hands off her face. “Did y’hear what I said after that?” He asks softly, his eyes bring into her own. She shakes her head “no” in response and he takes a quick breath before telling her yet again. 
“I said, you’re my celebrity crush too. I’ve watched everything you’ve been in and I think y’are absolutely amazing, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t think you’re beautiful, inside and out.”
Y/N’s jaw drops for the thousandth time that night. 
 “You’re fucking with me.” She deadpans, her face blank and mind swimming with emotions.
He frowns and squeezes her hands. “M’not, swear to you.”
She shakes her head in denial. There’s no way she was Harry Style’s celebrity crush. Not in a million years would she ever think those words would be spoken, much less even thought of.
“You don’t believe me?” Harry asks, his head tilting a bit to the side.
“I believe tha you’re just too nice and you feel bad for me, so that’s why you’re telling me this.” Y/N admits to him, a sad smile on her face.
“Really?” He asks, letting go of her hands and bringing one of his own to his pocket. 
“Really. I appreciate it, I do, but you don’t have to try and make me feel less humiliated, I think we’ve already passed the point of no return.” Y/N says, laughing a bit.
“Mmm, okay,” He smirks. “Well that just won’t do. May I have your number?” 
She raises a brow as he pushes his phone into her hands, already pulled up on a new contact. She types in her number and “#1 fan” in the name and hand the phone back to him. Harry laughs when he sees the contact name and saves it to his phone, then putting it back in his pocket. 
“What was that?” 
“What was what?” Harry muses, a teasing glint in his eye.
She purses her lips. “Why did you just ask for my number?”
“So I can contact you of course,” Harry smiles. “How else am I supposed to set up another date with you?”
“Another?” Y/N questions, her lips turning up.
“’m a gentleman of course, would never ask you out on a first date over the phone,” Harry calmly explains. “So would you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner tomorrow night?”
Y/n hesitates, unsure if this was still an ask out of pity. “You can meet me at my house, of course if you’re comfortable, and I’ll order us takeout to eat on my porch.” He continues, getting more exciting as he imagines how the date would go. 
“What makes you think I’d say yes?” She teases and his mouth gapes. 
“Oh fuck off.”
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randomshyperson · 3 years
Text
Sorry for your loss - “I will move on” #04
Read on AO3 || Serie Masterlist here
Summary: When your wife Natasha passes away in a car accident, a part of you dies with her. It takes a few months of mourning for your psychiatrist thinks the best alternative is for you to join a grief group. And there you meet Wanda Maximoff, and learn to live again.
Warnings: (+16) mentions of death, panic attacks and anxiety, grief, self sabotage, mentions of abusive family background, mutual attraction pining, explicit consent, therapeutic conversations about death, self-deprecation, healthy methods of coping with grief, possible triggers about anxiety, domestic Wanda, hurtful behaviors.
​ Tag list: @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia / @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5
//-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-//
Chapter Four - I will move on
"And I guess that's about it." You say as you finish telling Agatha about your last few weeks. She smiles as she shakes her head.
"I have to say I am proud of you." She comments gesturing briefly with her hands. "Are you sure you don't want to add anything else?"
You shrug, unable to remember anything relevant that you haven't mentioned.
You told her about writing again, about trying to drive again. About helping Wanda to stay home without having panic attacks, and to go back to work. You had only managed to drive in the supermarket parking lot, but it was still progress, and Stephen was very happy to hear it about too. The only thing missing to get your life back to normal was your apartment. And you had already arranged with Wanda to visit later that week.
"I have two questions for you then." Agatha says when you confirm that you have nothing to add. "Don't you think it's time to try to reconnect with your friends?"
You hesitate, thoughtfully. 
"I don't know." You said slightly uncomfortable. "My friends weren't just mine. They were Nat's friends too. And then she died, and I isolated myself. And well, I guess they were in their own grief too, because none of them tried to look for me anymore."
"You took your time to heal." She says. "Maybe they took theirs too. And now might be the time to reconnect."
You sigh, looking away.
"Yeah, I'll think about it." You speak. You look back at Agatha a moment later. "What was the other question?"
Agatha hides a small smile.
"A sensitive topic for patients who lose their beloved lovers." She says and you frown in confusion. "Well, dear, I need to ask if you are trying to date again?"
You gasp in surprise, feeling your face heat up.
"W-what?"
Agatha lets out a giggle.
"I know this may seem insensitive at first, and that's more because of the sexist socioeconomic construct that treats widowed women as violated property that must belong to their lover for the rest of their lives than anything else but I need you to understand that it's perfectly natural to move on." She narrates and you just stand there with a shocked expression and your heart racing. "You are a single woman now, and you have sexual and emotional human needs. I'm going to help you work through any kind of guilt, because judging your progress, you seem ready to be in a relationship again."
"I...I don't..."
"Don't worry, honey." Agatha interrupts with a giggle. "I'm not telling you to go around fornicating." She jokes. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. But I don't think it's really your style at all."
You feel your face heat up, frowning at Agatha, but she continues to speak.
"Anyway, I'm saying that it will be good if you get back into romantic relationships with other people. Casual encounters, that sort of thing. You are allowed to love someone again, there's nothing wrong with that." She explains getting up toward her own desk, and then gives a mischievous little smile in your direction. "Not to mention that orgasms are great stress relievers."
You choke in surprise, but Agatha just smiles, turning to write the appointment report.
Your face is still very red when you leave her office.
//-//
"I'm going to make a gardener out of you yet, huh?" Monica joked as you finished composting, making you laugh lightly.
"Well, I had a good teacher." You joked back as you stood up.
You were at Wanda's flower shop again. It became routine for you to help Monica with the garden and the flowers. And as the days went by, you got used to being in the greenhouses while she was attending to customers and Wanda was working in the office. It took two weeks for Monica to start joking that you had become a staff member at the flower shop. You don't really mind helping out. Botany has turned out to be something surprisingly relaxing for you. The hours of Wanda's shift passed by quickly when you keep your hands busy with the plants and flowers, your anxiety long forgotten.
"Are you hungry?" Monica asks as soon as you return to the store's front desk, and she pulls out the " break" sign tucked under the counter. 
"Sure."
"Let's take a lunch break. See if Wanda wants to join us while I attend that boy." Monica says looking forward toward the window display. There is a boy clearly unsure about whether or not to enter the store and you exchange a chuckle with her before heading towards Wanda's office.
She is on the phone when she answers the door for you, and signals with her finger in her mouth for you not to say anything as she makes room for you to enter. As she mumbles in agreement on the call, you look around. She seems to be working on the organization of some big event judging by the whiteboard in the corner filled with notes, and you figure it's a party or some wedding, because you and Monica have been growing more flowers for this kind of thing lately.
"That sounds pretty good, actually." You listen to her speak as she jots down a few things in an agenda. " Don't worry, we have enough for the engagement party and the ceremony." 
The shelf on the side in front of the whiteboard catches your attention, and you walk over to the furniture next.
Wanda moves a little behind you, adding some stickers to the whiteboard. You keep looking at the bookshelf, distracted by the objects on it. There is a picture of the twins that makes you smile, some books, and other small pots of plants. You lightly caress the bonsai before looking down.
You run your fingers over the red flower on Wanda's bookshelf, trying to remember the name. Monica has taught you many things, but you don't know many as well.
"Anthurium" Wanda whispers behind you, as she turns off her cell phone and realizes that you are looking at the flower with curiosity. You murmur in understanding, turning to make comment that it is very beautiful, but your speech dies in your throat when you realize how close Wanda is. "What did you want?" She asks curiously and you are almost leaning your body against the bookshelf, trying to think clearly.
"I-I came to ask if you want to have lunch with us." You say while mentally telling yourself not to look at Wanda's lips.
Wanda murmurs in understanding, and you can barely breathe when she stands even closer, her hand outstretched to something above your head. She pulls out a small stick caught in your hair, and all you can do is stare at her with a racing heart as she bites back a smile, and tosses the stick into one of the vases on the shelf behind you.
"I'd like to join you, but I'm busy." She says and her gaze falls to your lips for a second before she turns her head away and walks off. You let out a breath, wiping your sweaty hands on your pants as Wanda walks toward the table in search of the notepad and pen she was using before hanging up her cell phone. "Can you please bring me something to eat? I'm starving. I just don't know exactly what I want..."
You smile as you see Wanda's thoughtful expression with pen and notebook in hand. You approach, putting the notebook down with your hand gently.
"Don't worry, I know what you like." You say simply, and Wanda blinks in surprise, smiling awkwardly. "I'll stop by that confectionery shop you like and also bring you a dessert, okay? You look stressed."
Wanda laughs lightly, her cheeks flushed. 
"Thanks, love."
The nickname slips so naturally from her lips that it takes a moment for both of you to realize what has just been said. Your gaze falls to Wanda's mouth the same minute that her pupils dilate. You are almost breaking the distance when Monica opens the door, not noticing the closeness of the two of you because she has her gaze on a piece of paper in her own hands.
You and Wanda immediately turn away, embarrassed.
"We have a big order, girls." She announces excitedly, raising her eyes to you. Monica frowns slightly at the guilty expressions and reddened faces. "Sorry, did I interrupt something?"
"No." You answer in unison quickly, surprising Monica again, who acquires an expression of suspicion and humor. You clear your throat and Wanda lets out a short laugh.
"We were just talking about lunch." You say. "And well, Wanda has a big order too. I guess you guys will need my help then."
Wanda turns to you again with this statement.
"What? No, I can't make you work for me..."
You interrupt with a laugh.
"Wanda, don't even start." You say. "I love staying here. And I'm happy to help, really. Don't worry about it."
"You sure make my shifts more fun." Adds Monica with a smile, making you laugh. Wanda looks at you intently.
"Are you sure?" She asks, and you smile as you nod in agreement. "We'll talk about it later. You can't work for free, and if you're going to help you need a schedule, and breaks and chores."
You laugh, nodding.
"Yes, boss." You murmur playfully and Wanda pats your arm, making you and Monica laugh. 
"Let's get our lunch now, I'm starving." Monica orders as she turns to walk out the door. You murmur in agreement, and quickly kiss Wanda on the cheek before following the other woman. Wanda has a foolish smile on her face until you return with her lunch many minutes later.
//-//
You call Carol Danvers the day before you return to your apartment.
Things go much better than you expected, but it's not surprising, because you usually expect the worst case scenario. 
Carol is very happy to hear from you, and you are happy to know that she doesn't hate you for not calling before. You talk for a few minutes, but she can't talk much on the phone because her shift is about to start. You are surprised to learn that she is working in a nightclub downtown now, unlike months ago when she worked in a rock bar in Queens. 
 She tells you that Bruce was traveling because of his internship, but that he would be in town for the weekend, and invites you to visit her at work. You hesitate because you are not sure if you are ready to go to a club, but you accept as you think of Agatha's words about reconnecting with your friends again.
You are the one who drives to your apartment the next day, after you and Wanda leave the flower shop. Your heart is racing the whole time, but Wanda rests her hand on your thigh to calm you down, and as the minutes go by, you can no longer tell whether you are nervous about the trauma or something else.
Parking in the small condo cluster, you take a deep breath. Wanda gives your thigh one last squeeze before she pulls her hand away and gets out of the car, completely oblivious to the way your entire body trembles at her touch. Shaking your head slightly to push that kind of thought away, you step out of the car.
Your hands are shaking wildly as you take your keys out of your pockets, just as you reach the second floor, after you have politely waved to the people who recognized you on the way to your apartment. 
"Hey, breathe." Wanda asks softly beside you. And you take a deep breath, and it helps. And then you turn the key, and go inside.
It is exactly the same as the last time you were here, many months ago, on the day of the accident.
Your mother cleaned it up, of course, but it is still the same. Everything is in the exact same place, even the shoes that Nat left lying in the corner of the bookshelf. And you felt your chest tighten when the flashes of memory began.
You walked around, looking at the surroundings while Wanda followed you. A few tears streamed down your face, but you said nothing.
You were in the kitchen when the first sob escaped your throat. Leaning your hands on the counter, you dropped your keys and tried to push away the memories that were clear in your head.
It was as if you could feel Nat in the room. Seeing her in the armchair, laughing at your jokes, or being a disaster in the kitchen on nights when you tried to eat something homemade. Her books mixed in with yours on the bookshelf, your wedding and graduation pictures on the mantelpiece. 
You moved away from the counter quickly, however, as Wanda looked at you intently, unsure whether to approach or not. Walking down the hallway, you stopped in front of your bedroom door. 
And you stood there. Long minutes staring at the wood. Unable to move.
Feeling arms around your waist, you sighed, your body relaxing considerably.
Wanda hugged you from behind, and waited. You were crying again, and you only stopped after a while. Taking a deep breath, and lightly stroking Wanda's hand to ask her to let go, you waited for her to let go of you to open the door.
Wanda waited for you outside. You just walked around the room, your face wet as you breathed with difficulty, your arms crossed as if you were afraid to touch anything.
When you came out, you took a deep breath once more. And then you said you needed to call your mother.
That's how you spent the rest of the day packing up your apartment together with Wanda, your mother, and Pietro and Monica, who came to help after Wanda said you needed more people.
You came back the other day too, until the only things left were larger pieces of furniture.
"Are you sure you're going to sell?" Your mother asked you in the parking lot as soon as you left there in the late afternoon. Wanda had just gone home with her brother and sister-in-law.
"That was her apartment, Mom." You say as you put the boxes in the trunk. "I could never live here without Natasha."
"It's a good property." She comments, making you chuckle lightly.
"I'm sure the next owners will love it."
"I don't mean to be disrespectful, dear. It's just a nice apartment, not the kind of thing you get every day and..."
"Are you wanting to keep it by any chance?" You interrupt, irritated at your mother's lack of sensitivity. She sighs, and you frown.
"No. But maybe someone else wants to."
It takes a moment for you to understand what she is implying.
"You know Nat didn't talk to her family."
Your mother looks away.
"Actually..." She begins and you close the trunk with a confused expression, "I've been seeing Melina since January."
You blink in surprise, and then let out a dry laugh.
"I am speechless." You say in shock. "You...are you serious? Wow, I...wow."
You lean back against the car, impressed and annoyed. Your mother sighs guiltily, stepping in front of you again.
"Look, I know I should have had something, but you were so..."
"Sad? Yeah mom, my wife died, I had a right to be."
"That's not what I meant."
You sighed, rolling your eyes.
"Yeah, I know." You grumble. "But it sucks that you kept it from me. What the hell does Melina want anyway?"
Your mother looks away for a moment.
"She wanted to see you actually." She says and you let out a wry laugh. "I know how ridiculous it sounds, but her daughter died and you were the only remaining connection to Natasha."
You push your fingers against your forehead lightly, thinking you are starting to get a migraine from this conversation. 
"You know what, Mom?" You say. "Since you two have become such good friends lately, tell her that her chance to connect with me was lost the moment she didn't attend the funeral." 
Your mother sighs, but you are already turning to get into the car. She follows you a moment later, sitting in the passenger seat.
You drive in silence back home.
//-//
Over the weekend, you almost canceled your plans with Carol.
Your mother was giving you the silent treatment for the way you refused to talk about Natasha and Melina, and you were very irritated by the whole situation.
Grumbling about how ridiculous it all was, you agreed to have coffee with the two women the following week, and your mother's mood changed considerably, the complete opposite of what happened to you.
But you forced yourself to smile, and got up from the couch to get ready.
Around seven-thirty at night, you arrived at the place, which was already very busy, neon lights peeking through the windows along with the loud music. 
"My goodness, look at you!" Greeted Carol cheerfully as soon as you met her at the counter. She turned around to hug you tight, and you felt your chest swell with happiness. You had missed your friend so much.
"You got a haircut" You comment in the same excitement, smiling at her. "I missed you, Danvers."
She smiles, mumbling that she missed you too. She asked you to sit on one of the stools at the front of the bar, and you did so while she went back behind the counter.
You updated each other a bit as she served some customers, and a while later, Bruce arrived.
"Banner I can't believe you are wearing a suit in a nightclub." Carol teased as she greeted her friend, making you chuckle slightly as Bruce explained that he didn't have time to look more casual.
"It's good to see you." He said to you as he hugged you, you repeated the words, then sat at the bar.
A few drinks and laughs later, Carol's shift ended, and she sat at a table with you two.
Between telling your friends about your progress in therapy, and hearing how Carol had left her previous job after punching a slacker client in the face, and learning that Bruce was working as an aspiring scientist, and lecturing around the country, the three of you had enough beers for the direction of the conversation to make your cheeks flush.
"I swear to you, she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen!" Carol told you, making you and Bruce laugh at her excitement. 
"Now you're going to say that the next second you saw the next most beautiful woman in the world?" You teased wryly, and Carol laughed as she told you to shut up. "Are you even dating this Gamora girl?"
Carol hid a smirk, taking a sip of her beer.
"Actually." She began. "We're living together."
You widened your eyes in surprise, and then laughed.
"My god, Carol Danvers in love!" You teased making her laugh as she flashed you her middle finger. "No, but seriously, that's amazing! I'm happy for you, Carol."
"Yes, yes." She says smiling, "But what about you? I know you and Nat were like, madly in love or whatever cheesy stuff you put in your books, but it's been months. It would be nice if you met someone new."
The topic is quite sensitive, and the mood at the table changes because of it. But you are far more embarrassed than upset, and you lower your gaze to your bottle before answering.
" Oh, well, i..." You begin half-heartedly. Your stomach does a flip-flop, because you are thinking of a person. "There is someone, I think. But I don't know if we're both ready to take that on yet."
Carol makes an agreeing noise with her mouth, and then has an insinuating little smile on her face.
"Do you still remember how to be with a girl, champ?" your friend teases, and you nudge her shoulder shyly as she and Bruce laugh.
"Aren't those things like riding a bike?" The other man asked timidly, getting a wry look from Carol.
"You know, Bruce, your innocence is admirable." Carol teases making you laugh. 
"Don't be mean." You say poking her lightly in the ribs, but Bruce doesn't really care. It's been that way since college when he told you guys he was asexual. The whole thing was funny because Carol has always been very, very sexual. And they have been teasing each other about it for years.
"Ah but I won't be, I promise." She assures. "Actually, I'm much more interested in hearing about your new girlfriend."
You laugh shyly, drinking some of your beer.
"I don't have a girlfriend."
Carol laughed, her gaze running around the room before returning to you. 
"Well, that blonde girl has been looking over here for a few moments. I have a girlfriend, and Bruce doesn't like sex. I guess you're the one who's going to have to talk to her."
You widened your eyes at your friend's words, looking forward quickly.
A blond woman was indeed staring at your table.
"I don't think that's a good idea." You mumble clumsily, and Carol gives a little laugh.
"That's too bad, because now that you've looked, she's going to come here." Your friend warns, and you choke on your beer when you see the girl actually getting up from the countertop.
"Carol, help me." You awkwardly whisper but your friend just laughs, and then the stranger catches up with you all.
"Hi." She greets sensually, looking up at you. You swallow dryly as your friend holds back a giggle. "Would you like to dance?"
"I-I..."
"Use your words." Carol teased lowly next to you, making the girl laugh at your clumsiness. 
"Don't be shy, I don't bite." The girl added maliciously. " Unless you ask me to."
You feel your face heat up with embarrassment, and you spread your mouth open, not knowing what to say next. Carol murmurs impressed.
"Sorry, sweetie, she used to function better than that." Carol interrupts the interaction, taking pity on your distress. "I think she's taken. But if it's just a dance, we can all enjoy it together."
The girl bites her lips, seeming to consider. She takes one last look at you, and then accepts the invitation.
This is how you end up on a dance floor, trying to escape the hands of a stranger. 
You remember how to dance, and the drink helps a lot. But there are hands running over your body before the woman turns around and starts rubbing against you in rhythm with the music. You feel your breath catch, the excitement of having so much intimate contact after so long reaching you completely.
"Are you sure you're taken?" She whispers against your ear, and you give a short laugh, feeling your head spin.
"Yes."  You half-heartedly assure her, using all the rest of your drunken control to push her hands away from you. 
The woman didn't mind, stealing a short kiss on your cheek before dancing away, swaying her hips.
Carol threw her arms around you next.
"Wow, you really are in love!" She enthusiastically shouts to be heard between the beats of the music. You laugh with flushed cheeks, saying you need to take some air.
Your friend continues to dance, pulling Bruce close, and the man laughs awkwardly as he puts his arms around the blonde. You chuckle at the scene before turning to go outdoors.
It is easier to breathe outside. 
Your first action is to take your cell phone out of your pocket, and check your notifications. Your heart melts when you open a message from Wanda. It is a picture of her and the boys, lying together between a comforter. The caption reads "movie night, doesn't even look like they were jumping on the couch two minutes ago".
You stare at the picture for a few seconds after sending a heart emoji to Wanda. And then you gasp softly, realizing. You really are in love with her. Like in romance movies, and fairy tale books. But also like the real thing. Because you love Wanda's company, her sharp jokes, the way she talks and behaves and cares for everyone. You don't want to be in a bar, or meet another girl. You want to be wrapped in a comforter with Wanda and the kids.
Trying not to panic at this conclusion, you put your cell phone back in your pocket, deciding to go back inside to say goodbye to your friends.
//-//
You are trying to find a way to tell Wanda how you feel. The problem is that you are insecure, because you have no idea if she is ready for a relationship again. You don't even know if she likes women.
With so much suffering in the past months, you also don't want to face a broken heart. So you decide to wait and see how things will turn out.
It is something about the way your life is completely intertwined in Wanda's now, in the same way that she has wrapped herself around your heart that makes you sigh when you think about it everything.
You are distracted while you work, and Monica smiles because you have a smirk while tinkering in the gardens, which is clearly not related to the plants. She doesn't say anything, because it's the same way Wanda smiles when you bring her coffee, or when you two come back from lunch. She can only be excited to think how it will be to organize your wedding.
It is at lunch after group therapy that Wanda invites you to her father's wedding anniversary party. You hadn't met him yet, and a party was a good thing, because you wouldn't have all his attention on you, and it lessens your anxiety considerably.
The party will be at Wanda's father's country house, and you will be able to cross the "take a trip" goal off your therapy to-do list.
In the meantime, you prepare to see Natasha's mother.
It is a Thursday, and you set aside your lunch period for this, because you really don't want this meeting to last more than an hour.
Your mother and Melina are already in the restaurant when you arrive, and you nod politely to the woman when you sit down at the table, signaling that she doesn't need to get up.
"So, what did you want?" you ask snidely, earning a scolding from your mother. Melina doesn't seem to mind your aggressiveness however.
"Let's order something to eat first please." Your mother says before the other woman can respond. You roll your eyes, not disagreeing.
After the waitress takes your orders and leaves, you cross your arms impatiently.
"Look, I know it's hard for you to hear from me after all this time..." The woman begins.
"Hard for me?" You cut her off with irony. "No, Melina. I was not the daughter you abandoned. It was just hard for Nat not to have you around. I simply don't like you myself."
"Honey" Your mother warns, but you let out a dry laugh.
"No, really." You continue firmly. "What do you really want with me?"
Melina sighs, straightening herself in her chair.
"Your mother told me that you intend to sell Natasha's apartment." She says. "I don't approve of such a decision."
You stare at her for a moment, and then let out a laugh.
"I should have known you'd only show up for the money." You say feeling your stomach turn with anger. Melina rolls her eyes, but doesn't deny it. Your mother looks surprised that you are right.
"I gave that apartment to Natasha..."
" I beg your pardon?" you interrupt angrily, your loud tone attracting the attention of the next table. "You gave her the apartment? Are you listening to yourself now?"
"We don't need to get carried away." She asked with irritation in her eyes, drawing a nasal laugh of indignation from you. "You know I'm right."
"No, Melina." You retort seriously, lowering your tone. "Clarify for me how you can possibly think that putting an apartment full of debt in your daughter's name to escape the state, making her work two shifts to pay for everything, sets up like giving an apartment to someone?"
"You are manipulating the facts." She hits back and you nod in disbelief, closing your eyes momentarily. "I had financial problems, and Nat didn't object when I suggested..."
"She was 15." You cut in. "You forgot that little detail right? You also forgot about going to the guardianship board to emancipate your 15 year old daughter just so she could take on a debt of yours?" You asked angrily. "Oh, did you forget about Nat working in a diner throughout her teenage years to pay for everything?"
Melina clenched her jaw, glaring at you angrily. You really weren't in the least bit of patience for this conversation, and it was a good thing the waitress arrived with your orders, because you were about to turn the table.
"I am not hungry anymore." You grumble as soon as the waitress leaves and you look down at your food, your stomach turning. Then you look forward. "When I sell the apartment, I will talk to your lawyer and if you are entitled to anything, you can rest assured that it will come in the mail. Now do me a favor, and never look for me again." 
After saying these words to Melina, you exchange a quick glance with your mother and get up, walking to the exit.
//-//
You are pretty upset about the whole Melina thing, but your mood improves almost immediately when Wanda invites you to visit her. 
Actually, she needs help with the kids, because she's busy with a rich lady's wedding that required priority on the flower project, and the summer vacation started that week.
Monica was helping Wanda with the whole design, so you and Pietro would take care of the kids.
It was quite fun to do it, because you loved children. Pietro even had the bright idea of setting up a little lemonade stand outside Wanda's house, and while the other women were working, you and he took the kids outdoors.
"Don't you think a million dollars is a lot of money for a glass of lemonade, Billy?" you ask the boy as you watch him put several zeros on the price cardboard. Pietro laughs as he helps his daughter pin up her hair.
"I don't know." The kid tells you without stopping drawing. "I'm a kid, I've never paid anything."
You laugh, looking forward. You and Pietro are sitting on chairs placed on the grass while the children play around the lemonade stand. 
When some of the neighbors buy the lemonade, you tell Billy that a gold coin is worth a million, and he doesn't argue.
The temperature rises considerably throughout the day, and around two in the afternoon you and Pietro decide that it would be good to take the kids swimming.
"Call the wives please." Pietro says to you as you stand in the living room after you two walk back in and put everything away, and he is helping the children put on bathing suits. You feel your face heat up at the innocent insinuation of Wanda being your wife, but you say nothing and he doesn't even seem to notice.
You knock on the door, then enter the office, and smile at the two women inside, who seemed to be concentrating on their own papers.
"Let's go for a quick swim girls?" You ask, ignoring the way your stomach gets butterflies when Wanda looks up at you. 
Monica lets out an excited exclamation.
"Yes, please!" She says. "This room feels like an oven!"
You and Wanda laugh, and you make room for Monica to walk past you. 
"Any chance you have a bathing suit in my size?" You ask Wanda next, and she bites back a smile, thoughtful.
"Let 's find out."
//-//
It is only upstairs that you realize that you have never been in Wanda's bedroom before.
All the times you have been here, you were reserved for the living room, the kitchen and the office. Except for the times you were in the twins' bedroom, and well, when you used the bathroom.
You stood still a bit past the entrance, not knowing exactly what to do with your hands as Wanda searched the closets for a bathing suit for you.
"You know you can look around right?" Wanda commented with playfulness in her speech, making you chuckle shyly.
Stepping forward, you twiddled your fingers together nervously as you looked around. You smiled at the decorations, and especially at the pictures on the dresser. 
"Damn, I think I only have one pair." Wanda grumbled as she closed the closet, turning to you next, a swimsuit in her hands. "Do you want to wear it?"
You smiled wryly.
"Not if it's the only one you have." You say. "Don't worry, I'll keep my T-shirt on."
"Don't be silly, it's really hot outside. I'll lend you a bra." 
Wanda leaves her swimsuit on the bed and walks over to the dresser behind you. You step aside to give her room to open the drawers.
You look quickly away from the underwear drawer, feeling your heart race at the intimacy of this moment. It only gets worse when Wanda hands you a black sports top, which she is glad to have found.
"Thank you, Wands." You mutter as you accept the garment. 
You widen your eyes as Wanda begins to unbutton the shirt she is wearing, but before you have a heart attack, she flashes you a small smile and picks up the swimsuit from the bed, turning toward the bathroom as she uses her free hand to keep the shirt closed.
You take advantage of Wanda's exit to quickly take your shirt off, put on the top and then the T-shirt over it.
A moment later she returns, and your breath catches in your throat.
"This swimsuit has a tie in the back, can you help me with that?" Wanda asks distractedly as she tucks her hair into a bun. You swallow dryly, trying to keep your gaze off her exposed legs. 
Wanda stands facing the dresser, watching you approach through the mirror. You ignore your uncompensated heartbeat as you stare back at her, and let out a shy smile as you lower your gaze when you notice her flushed cheeks as you stand right behind her.
Raising your fingers to the height of her back, you gently touch the skin exposed by the opening of her swimsuit. The contact makes every inch of the woman's skin shiver in front of you, and she sighs softly, the sound making your stomach turn.
You risk looking forward again, at your reflection, only to find Wanda's mouth ajar, her eyes dark. You risk dragging your fingers further inside the fabric, making her choke lightly.
Completely mesmerized by the way Wanda's body responds to your touch, you raise your other hand, trailing a finger up from the length of her coccyx to the opening of her swimsuit, watching Wanda close her fists as her cheeks redden.
You can hear the sounds of her uncompensated breathing, but you can also hear the muffled laughter from the distance downstairs, and that motivates you enough to ignore the trembling of your fingers as you zip up Wanda's swimsuit.
"W-we should go downstairs." You whisper in a hoarse voice, ignoring the urge to rip off Wanda's swimsuit. 
The redhead swallows dryly before slowly turning toward you. Your faces are so close that you can feel her breath on your cheek.
"I..."
"Mommy why are you taking so long?" Billy's muffled scream coming from the backyard through the window makes you and Wanda jump in fright. 
Pietro and Tommy repeat the same sentence next, and you clear your throat, taking a step back. Wanda can't keep her gaze on you as you both walk down to the pool outside.
You can only distract yourself from the feel of Wanda's skin on your fingers because you play in the pool with everyone, and these thoughts are pushed to the back of your mind for the rest of the afternoon.
It is only when you have to leave, after the children have had a bath, and are dressed in comfortable clothes in front of the television, and you have hugged Monica and Pietro goodbye that these thoughts come flooding back when you have to repeat the gesture with Wanda.
You disguise yourself, smiling politely at the couple standing behind the redhead as you let your arms circle her waist as you hug her. Resisting the urge to close your eyes and sink your face into Wanda's neck, who has her hands on your shoulders, you hold back a sigh as you pull away.
"See you on Monday." You murmur in a husky voice, and the redhead nods, her gaze falling quickly to your lips.
You think you'd better get in the car before you lose control of your body.
//-//
Startled slightly, you opened your eyes with difficulty. Someone was calling you, but it must have been very late, because you couldn't see anything in the room but the blinking light on your dresser.
Grumbling, you stretched your arm out to reach for your vibrating cell phone and answer the call.
"Hello?" you asked in a voice hoarse from sleep, closing your eyes again.
"Hey, sorry to wake you." It was Wanda, and her whiny voice made you open your eyes quickly, worried. 
"Wanda? Did something happen?"
"Yeah." She agrees, sniffling softly. "I just... I'm so sad. The whole fucking time. Then Tony came over and started saying these things and now I'm crying and I can't stop. I'm sorry, it's not your problem, I shouldn't have called and..."
"I'm coming."
You think Wanda tried to say something to stop you, but you ended the call as you stood up.
"Where are you going?" Your mother asked as soon as you came downstairs, and you were startled to find her awake, but you didn't ask as you noticed the laptop in your lap.
"Wanda." You mumble simply, looking for your keys.
"Kitchen countertop." She informed and you muttered a thank you as you picked up the item from the mentioned spot. "You know, if you're going to start leaving the house at dawn to see her, it might be best to move in with her."
You chuckled awkwardly at the comment as you put on your shoes.
"Try to get some sleep, work will still be there in the morning." You tell her to change the subject, and your mother sighs, turning her attention back to the screen. "You don't have to wait up for me."
"Oh, I figured." She teases last making you roll your eyes in embarrassment before opening the door to leave.
//-//
You didn't have to knock on the door, because as soon as you parked the car and got out, you had a view of the outside garden porch, and you could see Wanda sitting on the rocking bench, looking at the ground.
You sighed, opening the garden gate to enter the backyard.
Making a noise with your feet so as not to startle her, you felt your heart squeeze as she wiped her tears away quickly, turning her head to the side. You sighed, taking a seat on the bench in front of her, rocking it slightly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" You asked a moment later, and from the redhead's silence, you figured not. But she nodded next, looking down at her own feet. "Tell me what happened then."
It takes a moment, but Wanda speaks. She tells how Tony Stark showed up at her door at three in the morning, saying that he blamed himself for his brother death but that this was a good thing now because it was exactly what he needed to change his life and stop drinking, and that she punched him in the nose, saying that this was always his problem, everything was always about him. Tony promised that he would be someone decent now, that he was going to change, and Wanda just pushed him away, telling him to go change somewhere else.
"I feel like the worst person in the world right now." She grumbles as soon as she finishes narrating. 
"Why?"
"Tony has been an alcoholic since he was fifteen, and he's finally getting better. I think he was in need of someone to help him."
You shook your head, letting out a short laugh.
"And why is that your problem?" you retorted, surprising her. "Wanda you are under no obligation to suppress your feelings to make others feel better. You have every right to feel angry with Tony. And to not want him in your life again."
Wanda takes a deep breath, burying her face in her hands for a moment, as if trying to believe your words.
You bit the inside of your cheek, deciding whether to speak what you wanted to.
"Wands?" You called after her, and she looked at you. "You said you were sad. Do you want to talk about that too?"
The redhead looks away from you, a weak smile on her lips. 
"I don't know how to talk about it really." She starts by looking down at her feet. "I never did."
You wait, stretching your leg out and lightly tapping your feet together with her on the floor. Wanda smiles at the movement, and then bites her lips.
"I think it started when I was a kid." She counters thoughtfully, her gaze straying to the yard around her. "Ever since mama died, or maybe before. There's this sadness, stuck in my chest. And no matter what I do, it won't go away." 
You listen intently, waiting for Wanda to finish.
"When I was younger, Papa worked all day and Mama took care of me and Pietro. But she got sick, and granny came to live with us to help. I was ten when she died, and Pietro's anxiety got worse." She swallows dryly, as if the memories are choking her. "Granny didn't know how to help my brother, so I took care of him myself. And when we were in high school, she got sick too. And well, Dad didn't know what to do really, so I took care of her at home while he and Pietro worked to pay for the medications." She adds, and sniffles lightly. "I just remember being tired. All the damn time. I'd go to school, and come home, and I'd eat, and play, and watch TV, but I wasn't really there. I started to think that's how everybody else felt, because I had a normal life, and I had no reason to feel sad."
You frown slightly, but bite your tongue to keep from interrupting.
"Grandma died just before I graduated, and I barely had time to miss her, busy with college applications, and taking care of the funeral at the same time." She counters with a wry laugh, as if realizing how unfair it was that she was left to take care of everything by herself. "And then I met Vis, and he was sweet and kind and he was everything anyone could want. The perfect boyfriend, perfect friend, and brother and husband. So I choked down that sadness, because it wasn't fair that I was with someone so amazing, and I wasn't satisfied." She recounts as she lets the tears flow. "When the twins came, everyone told me that my life was complete. That children were exactly what everyone wanted, and that I had the perfect life. So I kept that image."
Wanda raises her hand to wipe away a tear that ran down her cheek, but others kept falling next.
 "With Vis's death, everything started to fall apart on me." She says after a pause, biting her lips slightly to hold back the crying. She lets out a nasal laugh next. "But I wasn't going to let that happen, so I gathered the pieces together. I put a smile on my face and continued to be the mother my children needed. And then I met you."
You frown in confusion, but Wanda does not look at you. She runs her hands through her hair, shaking her head slightly.
"You came into my life at its worst possible moment. And all you did was make me feel better again." Wanda declared with a sigh, and you felt your cheeks heat up, looking away to your feet. "You don't expect me to be happy, or polite, or sociable. You don't care that I get cranky and irritable, that I wanted to skip work or eat junk food." She counters, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I feel like I can breathe again, because when you look at me you don't judge me like everyone else. You just listen, and observe. And take care of me."
You sigh, impacted by the intensity of the confessions. You think that if you keep quiet long enough, Wanda can hear your heart beating fast.
The redhead takes a deep breath, twisting her fingers slightly before speaking again.
"That's why I called." She counters in a sigh. Her eyes fill with tears again, but she doesn't let them fall. "You've been the only person who makes me feel this way. And when Tony came along I felt I was drowning into those terrible thoughts again. I needed you to pull me back up."
You raise your head to Wanda, but she is looking down at the floor, her cheeks flushed. You smile, rising to sit beside her.
"I will." You whisper as you interlace your fingers, looking forward. Wanda stares at your entwined hands before leaning her head on your shoulder.
"Thank you." She murmurs a moment later. 
"Don't mention it." You reply in the same tone.
You stand like this for many minutes, Wanda wiggling your fingers together. You are about to close your eyes when a childish voice startles you a little.
"Mommy?" it's Billy, dressed in adorable teddy bear pajamas, scratching his eyes sleepily. "Why are you out here?"
Wanda looks at him in surprise. 
"Come here dear." Wanda asks signaling with her free hand for Billy to approach. The boy yawns, walking over to you two. You mess up his hair as Wanda releases her hand to sit her son on her own lap.
"Why are you here, Y/N?" The boy asks sleepily, making you and Wanda smile at how cute he looks. 
"I am a friend of your mother's, Billy, I come whenever she needs me." You reply with a smile, trying not to be affected by the way Wanda looks at you.
"You should come more often, y/n. Mom is happy when you are around." Billy declares causing Wanda to let out a surprised exclamation, and you feel your heart race.
"Oh, really?" You tease with a little smile, and Wanda pushes her shoulder against yours lightly. "I promise I'll visit more often then."
"You can live here!" Billy exclaims excitedly next, making you laugh in surprise. 
"Don't be silly, Billy." Wanda adds embarrassed. "We don't have a room."
"She can sleep with you mommy." Billy retorts as if it's obvious, "Daddy's not here anymore, and your bed is too big, because it fits Tommy and me together!"
You swallow dryly, surprised and embarrassed at the way Billy is casual above all, but mostly worried that this comparison might have hurt Wanda. But she lets out a little laugh, shaking her head.
"It's time for bed, enough of this talk" Wanda warns the boy next, getting up with him on her lap.
You accompany the two of them into the house, waiting until Wanda comes downstairs after putting Billy to bed.
Billy's words in your head were still echoing when Wanda suggested that you sleep in her bed after she came downstairs, and part of you wanted to, but you figured that night wasn't the best time. So you slept on the couch, and left after breakfast, ignoring how warm your chest felt at the image of the table with Wanda and the twins having coffee.
//-//
Your first stop after leaving Wanda's house was the cemetery.
Taking a deep breath, you stared at the memorial stone in the ground. The small photograph of Natasha carved into the stone. 
"I miss you, pchelka" You whispered softly, leaving your hands in your pockets as you looked down. Your chest hurt less than the first time you came here, but the pain was still there. You imagined that it always would be. "I won't ever stop. But I want to live again. I hope you won’t be mad at me, from wherever you are, and understand that."
Part of you knew that Natasha would be happy for you. It was one of the reasons you loved her so much.
Kneeling down, you pulled out of your pocket the items you had left in the car's glove box a few days ago, planning to do this since the day of the bar.
" This belongs to you." You whispered, after digging in the grass next to the headstone, and pulling out of the small wrapping your wedding rings. You placed the metal in the dirt, along with the daffodil seeds you brought with you. Using some of the water from the bottle you had in your hands, you watered after burying the items. "Rest in peace, my love."
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talesofstyles · 4 years
Text
Stitches and Pucks
i swear i tried writing the whole fic from the 3rd and 2nd pov in the beginning but hockey harry is so dang loud he’s like hang on honey this is MY story so let me tell this one ☠️ so here we are. i had loads of fun getting inside his head though, i hope you like it!
massive thank you to my biggest cheerleader @smokeinherperfume 🥺💛 and ken i’m so sorry for making you read an LA Kings fic 😂 @emotionally-imbruised
warning: smut. there’s no actual bow chicka wow wow stuff though but there’s some thigh riding 👀
[17k]
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Harry
I swear I’m gonna kill Zayn.
That fucker just slammed my face into the boards, and as I’m trying to push back while flexing my jaw because that’s the right thing to do when you’ve got your face smashed into the boards, he tries to push me back again. Well, not a fucking chance. I give a particularly hard push back to get him off my back and I’m able to free my stick from the boards and put the blade to ice.
Because we’re playing on home ice here at Staples Center and I know its speed and consistency like the back of my hand, it takes nothing but a short tap on the puck and it shoots back between both of our legs. We scrabble, throwing elbows and shoulders and even kicking at it with our skates to expel it out. It’s a hard-fought battle, probably not lasting more than a few seconds, but it’s starting to wind me up because fuck if I’m gonna let them score. We’re up 4-2 against The Sharks, and with only under six minutes left to play in the game, I’d like to keep it that way.
I really don’t see it coming. And as much as we hate each other’s guts, it probably wasn’t even intentional, but it still hurts like a mother when Zayn’s stick pops upward, the end catching me just above my left eyebrow. I don’t feel any pain at first, but red, blurred vision definitely lets me know I’ve got blood streaming down my face. The ref blows the whistle and the play stops as the penalty is called.
The pain hits me next, and I bend over at the waist, my clear eye watching as a stream of blood hits the ice and freezes. In just about a few seconds, I feel a towel covering the cut and I hear the new team doctor say, “alright… let’s get you off the ice.”
Her hand stays steady at my back as I lift up straight, taking the towel in my own hand to hold it in place. The doctor walks alongside me while I skate to the bench, which has an exit door on one end that will lead back to the locker room. A few of my teammates slap me on the shoulder as I walk past. Harvey, who plays the same position as me but on the second-line yells out, “get stitched up so you can come back out and kick his pansy ass.”
I can’t help but chuckle, because that’s exactly what I plan to do.
“Up on the table,” the doctor says briskly and I watch with my one good eye as she quickly starts preparing the necessary supplies. I hop up onto the table, and in just under four minutes, my very own Doctor McSteamy has my injury evaluated, lidocaine injected, and is now closing the cut with stitches.
Good grief, she’s a fucking vision. Has a slammin’ body too, which no doubt would feel fucking fantastic underneath me. She probably doesn’t even realise it, but she’s got her little tongue sticking out the side of her mouth and I bet that’s something she does when she’s trying to concentrate on what she’s doing. I can feel my dick starting to twitch, so I close my eyes and get my mind out of the gutter before I get a hard-on. Fucking embarrassing.
When I’m sure I’ve got my downstairs head situation under control, I open my eyes again. She’s placing what I’m guessing the last suture on the cut and I make sure I put on my most dazzling smile as I look at her because I can be devastatingly charming when I want to be.
“Hey Doc,” I lean a bit closer to her when she’s done and murmur, “you should let me cook you dinner at my place tonight. You know, as a thank you.”
“No, thank you,” she replies without even looking towards me, preferring to busy herself with putting away the supplies that she used to tend to my cut. “I was just doing my job.”
“Alright then, no dinner at my place tonight,” I say with a sly smile. “But how about giving me your number so I can take you out sometime?”
She snorts in reply. “I’m not one of your puck bunnies.”
“No, you’re not,” I smirk at her. My tone is matter-of-fact when I add, “you’re one hot doctor.”
Not sure what I’m expecting, but this is definitely not it. Most women would blush and drop their knickers in an instant when I give them the tiniest bit of my attention, let alone a compliment, and let’s just say that’s why my bed is rarely empty. But it seems like my charms don’t work on this doctor since all I get is a fucking eye-roll.
“Are you always this forward?” She asks, still not looking at me.
“I’m a simple man, Doc,” I tell her with a shrug. “I see something I like, I go and get it.”
“Good for you,” she says dismissively, but I don’t miss the hint of amusement in her tone.
“Does that mean I get your number?”
She lets out a chuckle and finally turns to look at me. “That means I like your way of thinking.”
“So, no number?” I pout like a damn child, and apparently, the sight is hilarious to her. She throws her head back and laughs, and when she looks back to me, I get a wink.
“Sorry sunshine,” she smirks at me and I can’t help but ogle at her lips.
Perfect fucking lips.
“I don’t shit where I eat,” she adds.
Now, this is funny, so this time I’m the one tipping my head back laughing before I bring my gaze back to her. “You know our General Manager, Sloane Knightley?”
“Of course,” she replies, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“She’s with Alex, right-winger,” I tell her with a grin. “Now, Brynne Adams, have you met her yet?”
“The Athletic Trainer?”
“That’s the one, and she’s dating Matt, left-winger.”
“What?” Her jaw drops and it’s the cutest fucking sight. I’ve always thought of myself as a tits-man, but apparently now I’m a jaws-man too.
“Oh I’m not done yet,” I smirk at her. “Sarah Jones, Head of Equipment Manager, do you know her?”
She nods. “I’ve met her twice.”
“She’s with Mitch, right defenseman. Now, you probably haven’t met this one yet, but our goalie, Adam, is the only one married between us first-line players. His wife, Rachel, is the head of our in-house legal team. So look around Doc, everyone’s bloody shitting and eating around here,” I finish with a grin.
“Yeah, that doesn’t change a thing,” she insists. “That won’t be me.”
I give her one last glance as I hop off the table before I walk towards the door, pretty sure my eyes glitter with mischief as I say, “yeah, we’ll see, sunshine.”
The Owner’s Box is a local sports bar in El Segundo. Located only a stone’s throw away from the team’s practice facility at Toyota Sports Center, it has become the go-to hangout for a lot of the players ever since the facility opened in 2000. I like this place because it carries 140 types of beer and I like beer, and honestly the food is great as well.
As much as we like to mix and mingle with the fans, which is super fucking cool in my opinion, the manager always ropes off an area on the second floor for the players so we can drink and chill out without fans swamping us. Usually when we arrive, we’ll hang around the first-floor bar area for a bit to give the fans an opportunity to take pictures and ask for autographs before we head upstairs.
It’s always crowded after the game because everyone knows they can find us here, but it always gets extra busy whenever we win. Tonight, there’s an actual line of people waiting to get inside.
I nod at a bouncer and enter, and it takes me a good half an hour to make it to the second floor where I find several of my teammates sitting at some of the tables or standing around talking.
Winding around tables, teammates, and hot women since several puck bunnies have been allowed to go up the second floor and are doing their best to get noticed by the players wearing outfits that fit them like a second skin, I make my way over to Alex and Matt who are already sitting at one of the tables nursing their beers. Those two are my best friends since we’re linemates, but normally I’d go stand over with the single guys and start my selection process for whatever woman who’d warm my bed for the night.
Not tonight though. Never thought this day would come but I’m not here for a hookup tonight.
Alex gives me a knowing grin as I sit down since I told him in the locker room after the game about my exchange with the hot doctor earlier when she tended to my cut and how she turned me down. Well, he and several other of my teammates since there were a few there in the locker room with us and they had ears to listen. I’m pretty sure I could even hear Mitch chuckle, which is honestly one of the world’s seven wonders since the guy barely talks let alone laughs.
“How’s that cut feeling?” Matt asks as I take a seat in front of him.
“Feels like a butterfly kissed me there,” I tell him, which gets a deep belly laugh from both him and Alex. We hockey players would never admit to being hurt in a fight. Ever.
The voices in the second floor immediately go silent and I see all eyes swing towards the stairs, and when I look there I see our General Manager walks in alongside Coach Higgins, followed by some staff of the team. Cheers start ringing as she walks towards our table, no doubt to sit next to her man, and then I hear a low chant, “Sloane! Sloane! Sloane! Sloane!”
Matt and I do the same since not only Sloane is more of a close friend rather than a boss who signs our paycheck once she steps outside of the GM office, but as the only female GM in the league, she managed to turn our team into champions. We won the Stanley Cup last season and no doubt she’s going to push us to victory again this season. Alex has a shit-eating grin plastered across his face as his gaze focuses on his girl, looking so damn proud of her. Man, my best friend is fucking whipped.
Sloane blushes, slides a grin to Alex, and when the sound dissipates and the guys all start sitting back down, she says, “shut up you big jerks, do you want me to cry?”
We all bark in laughter.
I stand up to give her access to the booth so she can sit between Alex and I, and Alex immediately wraps his arm around her shoulders when she’s within his reach to pull her closer to him and proceeds to give her a searing kiss. I whip my head at Matt and we both make a fake gagging noise.
“God, I think I’m going to be sick,” Matt says and Alex flips him off, still giving his woman a hell of a kiss and without even looking at us.
“I know, right? Not used to you being so fucking mushy mate,” I add. “Gives me the willies.”
Sloane laughs as she breaks the kiss. She leans over and playfully punches me in the arm. “You’ll have a good woman one day, Harry.”
“Yeah,” I drawl, then I give a faux shudder to make sure they understand I like being single. “No thanks.”
“You sure?” Matt cocks an eyebrow, but before I can reply, something behind me catches his attention. “Ooh, isn’t that the new doctor?”
I whip around so fast I fucking knock a bottle of ketchup off the table and it goes flying across the floor. Matt is laughing so damn hard he almost falls off from the booth, Alex is leaning over as he laughs, pressing one palm down on the sofa with the other to his ribs as if they hurt from laughing and Sloane is dabbing at her eyes as she laughs hysterically.
But yes, holy shit, that’s the doctor stepping off the stairs and onto the second floor with Brynne and Sarah. Now, I know Brynne will most definitely walk towards our table since Matt is here, but Sarah will most definitely walk towards the bar where Mitch is talking with some other guys.
Come here. Come here. Come here.
Fuck, she goes with Sarah to the bar.
“Oh no,” Alex says low and in warning. “I know that look.”
I don’t bother to give him my attention, keeping my eyes pinned on my girl. But I do ask him, “what look?”
“Your gaze just became predatory,” he says with a laugh.
“God, you have it bad for her,” Sloane teases but I ignore her as I stand up. Brynne gives me a wink when I walk past her and now I have a suspicion that my teammates blabbed to their women about what happened earlier tonight and now they’re trying to set me and the hot doctor up. Otherwise, why would she even be here? Fucking crazy, I know, but they’re all nuts.
“Go get her, tiger!” Matt quips as I walk towards the bar without looking back at their table.
The doctor has ditched the white lab coat that she wore earlier tonight at the arena, and I’m glad she has her back to me since I don’t make a secret of my ogling. My eyes are pinned to her ass in those skinny jeans and fucks sake I need to get a grip.
“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine,” I say with a smile as I stand next to her, trying to get her attention. That was lame, I know, and I feel like I want to punch myself for not being cool.
She laughs and fuck if that’s not the best sound in the world. It’s warm, rich, and husky, which warms my blood and speaks to my dick for some reason. Not sure if she’s laughing because she genuinely thinks I’m funny or is that just a pity laugh, but honestly I could listen to her laughing all day. Wouldn’t be opposed to hearing her moan one day, preferably with her underneath me, but if her laugh is all I can get at this moment then I’ll take it.
“Can I get you a drink?” I ask her and I mentally prepare myself for her to decline since she turned me down earlier in the arena, so it totally takes me by surprise when she only shrugs and says, “eh, why not.”
I’m sure my smile is ten times wider and she sees it. “What’s your poison?”
“I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
“What if I want the hard stuff?” I raise a single brow. “Sure you want that?”
“What?” She smirks at me and my inner caveman is screaming for me at the sight to just throw her over my shoulder and take her home right this instant. But obviously I won’t do that, since I’m pretty sure that’s called kidnapping and I know I won’t look good in prison stripes. “You don’t think I can take it?”
“Oh honey, I know you can take it,” I laugh as I lift my finger to the bartender. “I’m only wondering how you’ll handle it.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to wait and see.”
It’s three hours and many beers later, well for her anyway since I limit myself at two because I’m driving, and we’re stumbling out of the bar, laughing our asses off.
She’s telling me about the funniest thing that happened at the hospital a few months ago. At the beginning they thought they had a domestic situation because the couple came separately; one via ambulance and one via police car. But when they finally got the whole story, it turned out to be an anniversary celebration gone wrong since the wife had a seizure when she was going down on her husband and bit down on him.
“Are you joking?!” I stare at her, mouth gaping in astonishment before I burst out laughing hysterically.
She shakes her head and laughs with me. “I wish.”
“Did you manage to save his manhood?” I ask with a half-grin and half grimace.
“My colleague did,” she replies. “I was busy with the wife, she had rather extensive head trauma.”
“From the seizure?”
“Well, in panic and pain, her husband didn’t think much and just grabbed the closest thing he could find to try to get her to loosen her bite, which sadly was an old rotary style telephone and hit her in the head with it. She was okay in the end, though.”
“That’s one hell of an anniversary to remember for sure,” I chuckle, and the giggle she emits pretty much confirms she’s bladdered. Well, not the kind of drunk where she wouldn’t remember tonight I’m sure, but I bet she’ll wake up with a massive headache.
“I sure hope you’re not driving,” I say as I steady her by the elbow when she wobbles as we step down the stairs.
“Sarah, Brynne and I took an Uber here from the arena earlier,” she mutters as she pulls out her phone from her handbag.
“Let me drive you home,” I quickly say before she gets the chance to order a ride. Not sure why I did that because I certainly have never offered women a ride home without the promise of getting in their knickers, and I can assure you that I won’t be getting anywhere near hers tonight, but maybe I just don’t want this night to end yet.
We’ve been glued at the hip from the moment I bought her first drink, and three hours purely just talking with the same woman? That’s a record in my book. While I’m not ashamed to admit that I also like looking at her, honestly, to me that’s just an added bonus. I think it’s safe to say that I have never met anyone like her before. Granted, with most women usually there wasn’t much talking, but from what I learnt in just the span of three hours is that this doctor of mine is a hell of a lot of fun.
I swear she’s just a pure fucking joy to be around. Conversation with her is like a never-ending merry-go-round and she makes me laugh a lot. She’s bright and witty and she’s one of those people that knows no strangers. She can easily talk about anything from politics to sports even to crude jokes, and add on to that, she’s just so kind and inclusive that several times tonight I actually had to drag her away to one of the back tables so we could have a proper chat without the crowd around us.
“You don’t have to,” she gives me a hesitantly sweet smile.
“But I want to,” I gallantly insist as I turn and offer my arm to her. “Come on, I just want to make sure you get home safe.”
“Well, alright then,” she smirks, her hand easily slides into the crook of my elbow. “I could save a few bucks.”
I roll my eyes and tease her, “didn’t take you to be such a skinflint.”
“Hey!” She playfully slaps my arm with her other hand as she laughs and I’m glad I amuse her.
No, seriously... I like her laugh.
There’s no doubt that she wants me, just as there’s no doubt that I totally want her. We’ve got this really heavy flirting going on all night, and plenty of innuendo, but I won’t be surprised nor disappointed if she doesn’t invite me inside when we get to her home and nothing happens tonight.
We’ll get there, I’m sure.
Until then, I’m completely fine drinking beer, being her personal chauffeur, and getting to know her a little better.
We always finish team practice with battle drills. From the end zone face-off spot to either the left or right of the goalie, we pair up and battle for a goal. One on offense, the other on defense, we shoulder, bump, and juke our way across the short distance to the net. It’s a four to five second drill that will make us sweat, and then it’s over. We skate to the end of the line, where we wait to do it again.
“Saw you left with the new doctor last night,” says Matt, my battle partner today, with a shit-eating grin as he taps his stick against my leg. “How was she?”
I ignore his question not only because I don’t have the answer that he’s looking for because nothing really happened after I dropped her in front of her house, but also because this feels different. She is different. Had it been just another one night stand, I wouldn’t think twice before I blab all about the dirty details with my teammates. Great lays, lousy lays, I honestly have no filter and I tell them all.
But this is YN, and fuck if I know why and what this really means. All I know for sure is that I want more than to just tap that. The thing is, my teammates will probably not understand because they can’t really see past the fact that the new doctor is a gorgeous woman who I’ve been lusting after for about a week.
“Dude,” Matt says to get a reaction from me, smacking me a little bit harder with his stick. “How many times did you score her last night?”
“Don’t talk about her like that,” I growl.
“Whoa, dude,” he apologises and I swear his grin gets even wider. “Sorry. I guess you’re serious about her?”
“Serious about what?” Alex pipes up from in front of us. He’s paired with Adam, our goalie. There are four pairs of skaters in front of Matt and me, but there’s an equal number on the other side. We’re alternating.
“None of your fucking business,” I mutter, willing the line we’re in to go faster so I can escape from my nosy teammates and head to the doctor’s office.
Alex and Adam take off, Alex with the puck. They ram their shoulders into each other, legs braced and skates digging hard all the way to the net.
“Did you at least kiss her?” Matt nudges me with a sly grin, still trying. Man, he’s not a quitter.
“No,” I answer shortly, hoping that will satisfy him. “Just dropped her at her house and left after I made sure she got inside safely.”
“No. Fucking. Way,” he quips dramatically. “Who are you and what have you done to my teammate?”
Play continues, the next set of skaters in our line taking off and I ignore Matt but apparently he’s not done poking his nose in my business. “Oh, we’re not done yet buddy. Let’s go out tonight so we can squeeze some more gos out of you. Just you, Alex and I, how does that sound? Brynne said the girls are going to have a girls night out so I know he’ll be game.”
The girls means my teammates’ better halves, and honestly, hanging out with just my bros does sound good. Don’t get me wrong, those girls are cool—yes, my boss, Sloane, included—and they’re fun to hang out with. My teammates sure hit the jackpots with their women. But before Sloane and Brynne came along, the three of us were thick as thieves. There was a time where we went out almost every night and that’s why we’re more like brothers than teammates. Sometimes I miss that since we don’t get the chance to do it as often now that they act like old married couples, so yes, this does sound nice.
However, as tempting as it sounds, I want to hang out with my hot doctor more than my mates. That is if she’ll have me though.
“I can’t,” I say, clearing my throat. I lean in towards him and whisper, “I want to take YN out to dinner tonight.”
“Seriously,” he drawls dramatically. “Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?”
Again, I ignore his comment.
“Alright, I guess that’s a definite no to dinner with me and Alex then, huh?” Matt says in an exaggeratedly glum tone.
“The doctor is way prettier than you,” I reply blandly.
“Fine, go on your date,” he says with a slap on my back. “But I want to book some time with my best friend in the near future if it’s not too much trouble.”
“We’re going on a four day road trip in two weeks,” I mutter as I roll my eyes at him. “I’ll snuggle you then.”
Matt sidles up to me, lays his head on my shoulder, and bats his eyelashes. “Oooh, I can’t wait.”
I shove him off with a chuckle. That bastard.
“Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope,” I say after two knocks on her office door. I can hear her chuckle as she tells me to come in.
God, I have turned into such a dork. But I like hearing her laugh and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to hear that sound again and again.
“Hey,” she smiles at me as she looks up from her computer. “What’s wrong?”
“Knee’s a little sore,” I tell her, not feeling the slightest bit of guilt for my lie just so I can have a few moments to talk to her. “Thought you could take a look at it.”
Her brows draw inward with concern and she motions towards a table. “Did something happen?”
“Nah,” I shake my head as I hop onto the table with my legs hanging over the edge and kick off my slides. “Just came off the ice and noticed it.”
“Alright, go ahead and lie back,” she says as she turns to the sink and washes her hands. “I’m going to do some range-of-motion tests.”
I stay silent as she maneuvers my leg, trying not to focus too much on the feel of her soft hands against me or the smell of her perfume. Fuck, she smells good. Fruity and flowery. Like berries and the heart of rose and bitter wormwood, and the scent is fucking delicious.
“Do you feel any pain when I do this?” She asks with one hand on my calf, the other on my thigh as she rotates my knee.
“Not really,” I shake my head. What happens here today will go in my chart and I don’t want to call any attention to my knee.
“How about this?” She asks, rotating the opposite way.
I shake my head again. “Nope.”
The hand on my calf slides down, grasping the bottom of my foot firmly. With the other hand still holding onto my thigh, she pushes hard into my foot. “This cause any pain?”
“Nope,” I say quickly, and then add, “I think it’s nothing more than my muscles getting back in shape. But I figure some ice can’t hurt, right?”
She slowly lowers my leg and gives me a sweet smile. “Well, I don’t think anything’s loose or torn, but if you’re worried about it, I can schedule an appointment with Dr Green.”
She is the team’s orthopaedic surgeon, and hell I’m not about to do that. Talk about an unnecessary red flag. “I think it’s just a lack of conditioning. Got lazy this summer.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah,” I nod firmly. “I just need some ice and I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“Well, alright then,” she says as she turns back to wash her hands again at the sink. “I’ll let Brynne know and have her prepare you an ice bath.”
“Oh hell no,” I quickly shake my head and grimace. “That bloody thing is pure torture and my balls will go into hibernation until next summer. Just an ice pack will do, Doc.”
She laughs again. “Okay, just an ice pack. I’ll be right back.”
She turns and heads through the door to the treatment room and I take a moment to admire her gracefulness as she moves. She looks delectable today in her scrubs, which are the typical light blue you see in the hospitals, and they hang on her tiny frame loosely. I’d actually never seen her in them before since she usually just wears normal clothes underneath her white lab coat in the arena, but I swear this might possibly be the sexiest outfit I’ve ever seen her in. I’m sure that has to do with the fact that I respect her so much as a doctor that it just heightens my attraction to her, and I can’t help but wonder if she’ll play dress-up games with me in the bedroom when the time comes. Because, well… I certainly wouldn’t mind getting a thorough exam from her.
“Here you go,” she says when she comes back. “Scoot back on the table and stretch your leg out. Keep this on for twenty minutes, then you can go.”
She places a towel over my knee, then lays the bag of ice on top.
“Thanks, Doc,” I tell her.
“Just doing my job,” she quips, and then walks back over to the box of supplies she had been unloading.
“Well, you’re very good at it,” I add and I can hear her chuckle. But I got nothing in response, so I add, “speaking about good things… I had a good time last night.”
“Did you?” She quips, still not looking at me but I can hear from her tone that she’s smiling.
“Well, yeah,” I say with a confident nod. “Didn’t you?”
“Eh, it was alright,” she smirks at me over her shoulder as she walks towards her desk.
“I want to do that again,” I tell her nonchalantly before I ask with a lopsided grin that I hope she finds charming, “will you let me take you to dinner tonight?”
“I can’t,” she shakes her head as she turns to look at me.
“Why? Got a hot date already?”
“Nah,” she chuckles. “Sarah invited me to a girls night at her place. I wasn’t gonna go because they seem like a tight-knit group and I don’t want to intrude, but Sloane came by here earlier to ask me again and she’s bribing me with tacos and margaritas, and well… I can’t say no to both.”
“Fair enough,” I laugh. “But have fun then. They’re all really nice, you’ll fit right in.”
“Thanks,” she gives me an easy smile, and I hope it’s subtle enough that she doesn’t realise this, but my breath actually hitch a little while I stare at her lips.
“How about tomorrow night then?”
“Well-” she begins, but she’s cut short when she hears her pager beeping. “Oh shit, I need to go back to the hospital. You think you’re okay there? Go to Brynne if you need something else.”
“Okay, don’t worry,” I tell her with an encouraging smile. “You go and save some lives, Doc.”
The arena is packed, the fans are at a fever pitch, and we’re in the midst of a fierce battle with the Anaheim Ducks. We’d taken them on in the first round of the playoffs last season, and while we swept them, they’re still a formidable opponent. Not to mention there’s a long-standing rivalry between the two teams, and add on to that, we’re in the regular season now so every win counts. The pressure is on.
As a center, I’m a shooter, not a fighter. That means I’m relied on to score, not to play defense or get tough with other players. My body is too valuable to mess it up in a slugfest, so I’m rarely enticed into a fight. Sometimes it takes everything in me to keep my cool, but I know I’ve got to trust Mitch and Marcel, our defensemen.
Just like right now. We’re late in the second period tonight, and one of the Ducks players, Jeff Azoff, is being a dick. He cross-checked me in the back, not strong enough to slam me into the boards, but it was enough to alert Mitch who’s skating right behind us.
“Do that again and I’m going to kick your ass,” I hear Mitch tell him. That guy doesn’t really talk, but he wouldn’t think twice before beating the hell out of someone if they mess with our team. He takes his job as a defenseman seriously. When he’s on the ice, nobody dares to touch his guys.
The fucker did it again, still not forceful enough for a penalty to be called, but Mitch was quick to drop his gloves and took on that Azoff guy. He kicked his ass good.
Man, I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side. Mitch is a badass. Unfortunately though, the fucker did land a lucky hit to his temple and his skin split just to the side of his eyebrow. Knowing Mitch, that will be nothing but a ten-minute trip to the treatment room where YN will stitch him up. I’m sure as hell he wouldn’t let her give him anaesthetic so he can get back on the ice as soon as possible. As I watch him skate towards the exit, I make a mental note in my head to buy him a beer tonight as a thank you.
The play resumed, and there are about forty seconds left on the clock before intermission. The Ducks are down 3-0, and they pull their goalie once they gain possession of the puck since they have nothing to lose. Luckily our stamina is stellar, so our legs are still fresh as we defend.
They pass the puck back and forth, looking for the long shot or a quick dump inside for a goal. My back is to Adam, our goalie, as I keep myself facing the action, letting my stick play loose.
The crowd’s screams escalate in tune to the clock ticking closer to zero. With a sharp flick of the wrist, the puck makes it past Alex, our right-winger, to the inside. Players crash the net, Marcel poke checks, and the biscuit shoots out towards me.
It’s a full-on breakaway as I shoot down the ice, one on one against the goalie.
Tap, tap, tap… back and forth… puck to blade of stick.
I close in on the goalie and juke left.
He goes left and I juke right.
He keeps going left, so I keep going right and flip the puck up and over his shoulder into the back of the net. The red light burns bright behind the net and the fans go wild. That was my third goal tonight, and it’s the perfect timing for intermission since there’s no way we can play with all the hats being thrown onto the ice.
It takes merely a second before I’ve got my teammates surrounding me. Alex, Matt, Marcel, Adam and Niall, one of the defensemen from the second line who’s filling in for Mitch. Pats of their gloved hands on my helmet, stick blades gently against my calves.
We skate to the gate that would lead us to our locker room. We all trudge there, taking up spots around the open space as we wait for Coach Higgins to address us. It’s what he does at the end of every period. If we play poorly, we get our asses handed to us. If we play stellar though, like tonight, he’d be effusive in his praise.
But as much as I’d love to hear nice things from the Coach, there’s nobody I want to see more than my very own Doctor McSteamy. And yes, just to put it out here since I’ve been calling the hot doctor by that nickname, I’ve got to admit that I did watch too much Grey’s Anatomy in the summer because there’s not much I could do during the off-season. My sister didn’t let me watch past season 10 though, because she said it’s not worth it.
“Need to get my knee taped,” I tell Alex on my right as I stand up. We have 17 minutes before we start the third period and I figure that should be enough time to see the Doctor and secure a date in the near future. “I’ll be right back.”
“Bullshit,” he grins and there’s a clear amusement in his eyes. “You want to see your girlfriend.”
“Shut up,” I growl.
“What’s this?” Matt asks curiously as he takes a seat next to Alex.
“Our buddy here wants to see his girlfriend,” Alex’s grin doesn’t lessen as he tilts his head at me. “Needs to get his knee taped, he said.”
“Conjugal visit in-between periods? Classy,” Matt says with a salacious grin and I glare at him. When his laughter dies down, he points out, “okay, jokes aside, that’s a shit excuse. If you really need your knee taped, you’d see Brynne and not YN.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve got nothing else here,” I grumble like a stroppy child. “Can’t hit my own head just to get a cut, can I?”
“That would be outright dumb,” Alex laughs. “But come on, I’ll go to Brynne and make up something so at least you can tell the doctor that she’s busy.”
The treatment room is just down the hall from the locker, and when I get there, I notice the door is half open. I see her sitting on the little desk with her computer, so I knock lightly on the door to get her attention.
“Hey, you got a minute?” Her head swings up when she hears my voice and it takes everything in me not to just march there and kiss the fuck out of her when she offers me the sweetest smile. Crazy how much effect this woman has on me. “I need my knee taped but Brynne’s busy.”
“Sure, I was just reading the players’ medical chart,” she replies. “You were on fire out there by the way.”
“Thanks, Doc,” I smile at her.
“Skates, socks, shin pads and pants off,” she says as she walks towards the supply cabinet.
“Jock strap too?” I can’t help but smirk.
“No,” she rolls her eyes playfully as she grabs a towel and hands it to me. “Put this over your lap.”
“Do I have to?”
“Well, yeah, unless you want me to get a peek of your dick.”
“You know I wouldn’t be averse to that, Doc,” I say with a waggle of my eyebrows.
She gives me a school teacher, disapproving-type look but the slight twitch of amusement in the corner of her mouth is hard to miss. “You’re so bad.”
“You have no idea,” I grin, but she doesn’t see it because she has her back to me. She’s pulling another cabinet open to get adhesive, gauze and tape before knocking it close with her shoulder.
This is ridiculous but I’m actually a bit self-conscious of getting practically half naked in front of the hot doctor. I have absolutely no clue why and this had certainly never happened before.
I shed my gear from the waist down and she keeps her back to me until I get on the therapy table and the towel is covering my lap. She lays out her supplies on the table beside us, her slender fingers using a pair of scissors to open a new package of tape.
I take a moment to admire her as she cuts off uniform lengths of tape and attaches them to the table. She’s not in the scrubs I saw her in last week, but if you think I’d be disappointed, even just slightly, then you’d be wrong because you could put her in a burlap sack and to me she would still absolutely look edible.
Tonight, she’s rocking a mustard-yellow trouser suit with wide legs and a cross-over pleated blouse underneath her white lab coat. The crisscross swath of silk that wraps around her upper body does lovely things to her tits, and I realise I’m quite the pig to be thinking about her this way.
“Left knee?” She asks. “I’ve just finished reading your medical chart when you came in. Arthroscopic medical meniscus repair two years ago.”
“Yeah,” I nod. “Sometimes it feels a little loose. A good taping is all it needs.”
“Any soreness?” She asks as she steps up in between my legs that dangle over the table.
I shake my head and say, “nope.”
“Clicking or popping?”
“Nope.”
“Locking?” She inquires as she lifts her face up to mine.
She’s fucking close enough I can smell her minty breath. I could easily kiss her, but I’d probably get kneed in the nuts, so I just shake my head and say, “nah, just feels a little loose.”
“Okay,” she says, laying a soft pat on my thigh. It’s nothing but a move of reassurance, but fuck if I don’t feel it all the way through my gut.
She grabs her supplies and I can’t keep my eyes off her as she gets to work taping my knee. It takes merely a few minutes, and then she finishes the wrap, holding the end while taping it with the precut pieces. “There you go,” she says, stepping back.
“I’ve got something to confess. My knee was absolutely fine,” I blurt out, the words popping out of my mouth so suddenly, I’ve got no clue where they came from. Clearly my subconscious decided to overtake my sensibility and make itself known. “I came here because I wanted to see you. Thought I’d try to get your phone number and a date one last time before I give up.”
She gives a tinkling laugh. “You’re not a quitter, are you?”
“Well, no,” I reply with a grin. “So, tomorrow night. I’ll pick you up at seven. How does that sound?”
“Listen,” she smiles at me sweetly as she begins, but I don’t like the sound of it. Nothing good ever comes after ‘listen’. “You’re a nice guy-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I cut her as I hold my hands up. “Don’t go with the ‘nice guy’ brush off. Clearly I’m not if you won’t give me the time of day.”
“I just don’t think we’re looking for the same thing-”
“What?” I ask incredulously.
“Look, please don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem more like the bang ‘em and leave ‘em type to me.”
“Is that really how people see me?” I ask her curiously, without an ounce of defense in my voice because there’s no point in denying that. I really don’t care what people think, but I’d like to hear her opinion.
“You’re a player, Harry,” she says with a chuckle. “And there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re young and in your prime. You should totally be sowing all your wild oats. It’s just… I’m at the point in my life where I realise that meaningless sex without something deeper isn’t very fulfilling. I don’t want that anymore.”
I feel a metaphorical light bulb goes off in my head.
I know she doesn’t mean to, but fuck, she hits me right where it hurts. She’s called that exactly right. This is something that I’ve actually realised and known for a while, especially after seeing my best mates being the happiest they’ve ever been after they found their women. There’s not an ounce of regret in what I did though, because just like my girl right here said, there’s nothing wrong with that. There was a time when burning my way through all the hot women in LA and having them take turns warming my bed had its appeal, but not anymore.
Maybe this is why I’ve been feeling unfulfilled lately. I know I’ve got a great career, more money than I could ever need in a lifetime and endless selection of gorgeous women to warm my bed every night. What more could a man possibly ask for, right? But at the end of the day, it’s just me in a monstrosity of a house that I call home.
Maybe deep down I know I don’t want it to be just me anymore.
“I think I’ve actually known that for a while, but the way you point that out, I think it’s drilled home now,” I admit as I face her.
“What do you mean?”
“That casual, meaningless sex without something deeper isn’t very fulfilling,” I say with a smile. “I mean, yes what I did was fun, but then I look at my best mates and see how happy they are with their women. Of course I rib them good because hey, that’s my job as their best mate…”
She laughs.
“...but that doesn’t mean I never look at them and think, fuck, I want that one day. Maybe the idea didn’t really appeal to me because I had never found the right person, who knows. But I swear I don’t want just sex with you. I want more. Do I know what I’m doing? Fuck, no. I haven’t even been on a proper date in years. But I do know that I genuinely want to get to know you better, Doc, that is if you give me the chance.”
She gives me a dopey smile when she asks, “you mean all that?”
“I really do,” I nod solemnly. “Now let me prove it to you. Go on a date with me.”
“Tell you what,” she begins, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “If you go back on the ice and win the game, we can go to The Owner’s Box when you’re done to celebrate just like the other night. And if you behave, I’ll give you my number this time.”
“Want me to behave, huh?” I say teasingly with a waggle of my eyebrows. “Don’t fancy a bad boy?”
“Oh I actually have it bad for bad boys,” she smirks. “My favourite character in Harry Potter is Draco Malfoy.”
“Okay, I’ve got a counter offer,” I say as my laughter dies down. “If I get MVP tonight, which I’m pretty sure I will since you said it yourself that I’m on fire tonight, you give me your number straight away after the game and let me take you out to dinner. I’m thinking seven tomorrow night.”
Another roll of those gorgeous eyes that twinkle slightly at me. “Pushy, aren’t ya?”
“Only when I want something,” I tell her with a grin. “And I want you.”
“So do you want me or do you want to go out with me?” She asks slyly, tilting her head to the side.
“You gonna kick my balls if I say both?”
“I admire honesty,” she murmurs softly in that sexy, husky voice that seems to flow through my body and straight down to my dick.
“Hey boyfriend and girlfriend,” I hear Matt chirps from the doorway and my spine stiffens involuntarily. His shit-eating grin doesn’t lessen a bit even when I give him a glare. “Hate to steal your man, Doc, but the game is starting again soon and we kinda need our favourite asshole right here.”
“You two break a leg,” she chuckles. And then as an afterthought, she adds, “just so we’re clear, I don’t mean that literally.”
Manhattan Beach’s high-end strip of boutiques and restaurants are hugged by the beach on one side and some of California’s most expensive real estate on the other. It’s southern end blends seamlessly into smaller Hermosa Beach, which is similarly quiet but has a tight concentration of bars and restaurants near the town’s pier that attract bar-hoppers at night and sun-bleached dropouts during the day.
The Kings players’ houses are scattered evenly across the two towns. Some of us are clustered within a block or two of several teammates; others sprinkled little more than a mile or two away. All but one of the first-line players live in Manhattan Beach though, and we can easily walk or ride a beach cruiser to everyone else’s house.
YN lives in Silver Lake, and the drive to pick her up takes me about forty minutes. I know she must make a pretty good bank being an ER doctor, not to mention that she works at two places, but her house doesn’t scream that. It’s rather tiny, I’m betting not more than seven or eight hundred square feet max, and there’s not much of a porch but on the outer edge is a hanging basket of flowers.
There’s no doorbell so I rap my knuckles on the door. Flecks of peeling paint get knocked loose and fall to the concrete porch.
“Coming,” I hear her yell from inside and I can imagine her plopping in an earring, grabbing her handbag, and wondering if she turned the curling iron off. She sounds frazzled and rushed and I can’t wait to fucking see what she looks like when she opens the door.
And there she is.
She has a black dress on, and it’s not little but it’s spectacular. The neckline of the dress skims just below her collarbone so no skin or cleavage is exposed, but it doesn’t matter because the narrow waist and flared hips, all cocooned in black is sexy as shit. The hem of her dress comes down below her knees and the dress is so well fitted that I know there has to be a slit up the back so she can walk.
“Good grief you’re a sight for sore eyes,” I mutter as I let my eyes roam down and then back up again to find her smirking at me.
She’s got an off-white clutch bag tucked under an arm, and her head is leaning to the side so she can put her last earring in, exactly as I’d imagined.
“You’re not too bad yourself,” she says, still smirking at me. I’d worn my best suit tonight in black with black shirt underneath and no tie. Glad she likes what she sees.
I step back so she can lock her door, and she turns to me as she tosses her keys in her clutch. I hold my arm out to her and ask, “ready?”
She nods and smiles as she curls her fingers in just below my biceps, then I escort her to my car.
I’m taking her to this new restaurant that both Alex and Matt recommended when I asked them last night for the finest restaurant in LA. It had been so long since the last time I took a woman out for a proper date, so I knew I needed to ask my mates and that they would have the answer. They both swore by this place called Apron, but then told me it took at least two weeks to get a reservation. Luckily though Alex had booked a table for him and Sloane tonight, and they gladly gave me the reservation. Sure I had to take a good deal of ribbing from my teammates and their women last night at the bar where we celebrated our win, but I knew it would be worth it.
The drive to the restaurant is short, only about ten minutes. And we lapse into the same easy conversation right away, just like we did the other night at The Owner’s Box. Today was my day off and I did absolutely nothing so I’ve got nothing interesting to tell, but she had plenty of exciting cases at the emergency room today, which included a toddler swallowing a penny.
“Holy shit, how did you get the coin out?” I ask her.
She laughs. “You don’t take it out. You’ve got to let the kid pass it naturally.”
“He can do that?”
“Well,” she begins. “I did take an X-ray first to make sure that it was small and could pass safely.”
“Okay, okay, okay… what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had to remove from a patient?” I ask her with childish curiosity.
“Honestly, I think I’ve removed everything on the surface of the earth,” she snickers. “Coke bottle, tapeworms, coins, candles, but the strangest has got to be a stuffed animal. It was a Curious George doll, and… let’s just say that he’s no longer curious.”
“You’re joking right?” I bark in laughter as I park my car. We’ve arrived and I swear that was the shortest ten minutes of my life. “I mean… who does that?!”
“I wish,” she says with a wrinkle of her nose. “You’d be surprised if you know how many weirdos out there.”
I’m still chuckling as I exit my car, then I walk over to the passenger side to get her. I hold my arm out to her, and her hand so very easily slides into the crook of my elbow.
“You don’t think I’m one of them, right?”
She gives me a playful shrug. “Well, I don’t know, you might be a weirdo... I mean, I don’t know you well enough yet.”
I give her a smart-ass smirk. “Let’s remedy that then.”
“How’s that one?” I ask her as I finish a mouthful of this chocolate thingy. It was a chocolate ball concoction the waiter had poured more hot chocolate over, which then melted the ball to reveal a raspberry chocolate torte inside. She had a bite, but it was too rich for her. I agree though, it was a lot of damn chocolate.
“You’ve got to try this,” she says, spearing the lemon meringue pie with her fork, top it with a little bit of pine nut ice cream and holding it over the table to me.
It’s a completely intimate move and one that I didn’t expect from her tonight. I mean, she was reluctant to go out with me in the beginning and needed some convincing, so I expected her to be reserved and cautious. But hell I’m not complaining.
I lean in and let her feed me the dessert. The flavours explode on my tongue and I think that’s the best we’ve had tonight.
I don’t normally indulge in dessert, but they all sound good so I told her we should order all the ones we like the sound of. Which was most of them except that cucumber mousse and pickle ice cream because those sound like disasters on a plate.
“Good, huh?” She asks with a smile.
“Really good,” I tell her. “I think I like that one best.”
“Finish it then,” she says as she pushes the plate towards me. “I can’t possibly take another bite. I’m stuffed to the brim.”
“Alright,” I say with a chuckle as I pull the plate closer to me. “So, when are you free again so I can take you out to another date?”
She chuckles. “We’re not even finished with this one.”
I roll my eyes at her, then I ask, “are you having a good time?”
Her smile turns dopey and I know she’s just as smitten with me as I am with her. “This is definitely the best first date I’ve ever been on.”
“If we were finished, considering how things have gone, would you go out with me again?”
“I would.”
“Good,” I say with an emphatic nod. “So, weekend or weekdays? When will it work best for you?”
I slow the speed on the treadmill, taking me down from a brisk run to a slow walk so I can cool down. Normally I like to run outside in the morning, but I woke up late this morning and we had a team skate scheduled at ten, so I figured I’d just do my workout afterwards at the arena.
Only a few of us actually have a gym membership outside. Most of us prefer to work out at the arena because not only is the equipment better, but we also have an abundance of teammates to work out with and that’s always nice.
I walk for about five minutes to cool down, then I turn the machine off and wipe my face with a towel. I grab my phone and water bottle and turn for the barbells, as today I’m working my chest and shoulders. Mitch and Marcel are already lifting, both defensemen who tend to focus on brute strength versus speed and stamina, so I’m not surprised they didn’t go for the treadmill. I also see Matt there, and I bet Alex will join us too after he’s done cooling down.
“Have a nice run, princess?” Marcel asks dryly as I set my stuff down near the bench press.
“I’m not the one who has to prove my manhood by how much weight I can lift,” I return with a sly grin.
“Yeah, well, your manhood is in a dry spell,” he says as he loads some weight onto the bar. Pre the hot doctor, both Marcel and I were the only single guys in the first line. He’s just as much as a player—on and off the ice—as I was, but now I gladly pass the title to him.
“Not true,” Matt quips with a grin. “He went on a date last night.”
“No shit,” Marcel turns to me in astonishment. “With who?”
Before I can even answer Alex throws a quick glance at us, flashes a shit-eating grin, and yells from the treadmill, “the new doctor.”
“But I saw you two got pretty cosy at The Owner’s Box last week,” Marcel says, as if he’s still confused as hell.
“Well yeah, she was cool, so I took her out again,” I say firmly.
“Dude, what’s wrong with you?” He blinks at me. Eyes all round and not comprehending. “You never look at the same woman twice.”
“So?” I ask, playing dumb.
“Ooh, I get it,” he says with a smirk. “Pussy that good, huh?”
“Hey,” I cut in with a warning. “I’m not there yet.”
They all suddenly stop whatever they’re doing and turn to me with raised eyebrows. Yes, Mitch included, which I’m actually quite surprised.
“Whoa, hang on,” Marcel says. “You haven’t tapped that yet?”
“You’re serious?” Matt looks at me in disbelief. “Not even last night?”
“Dude, I gave you that reservation last night to give you the opportunity,” Alex says as he walks towards us. “I was genuinely worried about your balls.”
They’re still looking at me confused, but Adam howls with laughter. “Don’t listen to these pigs. Rachel and I took it real slow at the beginning of our relationship too, and I got to tell you, the anticipation was half the fun.”
It’s true. I’m in no rush with YN because I know we’ll get there sooner or later. I can be patient when I want to be, and right now I honestly want to. I want to prove to her that when I said I wanted to get to know her, I meant her as a person and not just carnally.
I could tell that I confused her last night when I dropped her off at her doorstep after our date. I gave her nothing but a soft, brief kiss to her cheek, then told her to get inside, lock up and get some rest. Sure, she was confused for a few seconds, but the smile that I got after she realised that I really did want to take things slow was so much more than worth it.
“So you think this thing with the hot doctor is going to go the distance?” Matt asks me.
“I do,” I say confidently. I’m not dumb enough not to realise that she hasn’t fully let her guard down yet for whatever reason. Maybe she’d been badly hurt in the past, maybe it’s my past that causes her to be a little bit sceptical, I mean... let’s be honest, I was a player through and through. But that doesn’t scare me though, because I know I’m in it for the long haul. So yes, I can say it with confidence that this thing between us is going to go the distance.
“Well, if you fuck it up, I’ve got the first crack at her,” Marcel says with a salacious grin. I don’t think twice before I grab my wet towel and throw it at him. It hits him right in the face, and my teammates howl with laughter.
All this talk about her makes me want to see her again. I’ve secured a second date last night for next Wednesday since that’s when both of us will be free, but that’s still four days away and I can’t wait that long. So I pull up my phone and type out a quick text to her.
Hey, what are you doing today?
I grab my water bottle and take a slug. Before I put my water bottle down, I already got a response. I need to go and get a new bed frame. Really can’t stand this old thing anymore.
I can’t help but chuckle. She did tell me last night about her bedroom set which was apparently really old, but she couldn’t get rid of it since it’d been in the family for a few generations and her grandmother gave it to her when she bought her house.
Want some company? I quickly type.
She’s just as fast in her response. You want to go with me buy a bed frame?
Well, yeah. I’ve finished the team skate this morning and will be done with my workout soon. I’ve got nothing to do after and I want to see you. I reply.
Alright then. She texts me back within a minute. But I’m on-call though so I can be called to the hospital any time.
Doesn’t matter, I still want to see you. I text her back. When can I pick you up?
Give me half an hour.
Perfect.
I’ve bought three houses in my twenty-seven years of life; the one I currently live in, one in Toronto when I was still with the Leafs before I got traded to the Kings and one for my mum back in London. And yet not once have I ever gone on a furniture shopping.
Until today.
That was something I never in a million years would have dreamed to do, simply because I hated shopping with a burning passion. Hell, I didn’t even buy things for my own house because I paid the previous owner to leave everything behind. That kind of thing was honestly just something that I would have never taken the time for.
And yet, in shuffling through my memories, I really can’t remember having such a great time before. All I know is that I don’t want the day to end, and I also know that it has everything to do with the company.
I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, and technically we’ve only been on one date even though we saw each other quite often at the arena. But there was nothing odd when my hand would find its way to her thigh, or when she’d drape her arm across my shoulders so her fingers could play with my hair as we cruised along from one furniture shop to another. I love that we’re at ease with each other as if we’d known each other forever, not to mention that she’s also one of the easiest women I’ve had the pleasure of talking to in a long time.
Sadly though, it had to end when she was called to the hospital. Luckily, it was just in time after she chose a particular bed frame that she liked. It’s a classic canopy bed in live-edge oakwood with a brushed brass iron base, and I felt like a pig because even as we were still at the shop, I was already thinking about which ties from my collection would work best.
They offered same-day delivery since they had it in the storage, and since she was needed at the hospital, I offered to wait for the delivery at her home for her. She agreed, so she gave me her key after I dropped her at the hospital.
And here I am. Sitting on her bedroom floor trying to build this bloody nightmare because apparently they didn’t offer assembly service. I’ve been at it for an hour and a half now. Okay, no, more like an hour and ten minutes because I spent about twenty minutes fixing the sink in her en suite. I noticed the faucet was leaking, and I needed to step away from that bloody bed for a little anyway.
Now I don’t have another excuse, so I’m back on hammering one of the bazillion nails into the wood. I’m so focused on the task that I didn’t realise YN is home until I hear her chuckling as she walks into her bedroom and say, “you know, that is the kind of pounding that’s supposed to happen after you’re in the bed.”
I can’t help it. I fucking throw my head back and bust out laughing. “Sod off.”
“You don’t have to do it, that looks complicated. I’ll just hire someone to put it together tomorrow,” she says with a sweet smile. “Just get up and go sit on the couch. I just need to go to the bathroom real quick and then I’ll join you.”
“Yeah, that won’t do, Doc,” I say firmly. “I’ll still finish this bloody thing even if it kills me.”
“Stubborn,” she quips affectionately with a roll of her eyes as she heads towards her en suite.
“Smart-ass,” I reply with my eyes pinned to one of the million pieces of her bed frame, also with affection.  
“Harry?” She calls out from her en suite.
“Yeah?” I answer, when I look up, she’s leaning against the doorframe and looking at me confused.
“Am I crazy or did you actually fix my sink?” She asks with an arched eyebrow. “Because I swear the faucet still leaks a little this morning.”
“Yeah, I did,” I say with a wave of my hand. “I needed to walk away from this for a minute and when I went to your en suite, I noticed it leaked. Not a big deal though, took me only about fifteen minutes.”
“Well, good to know that if you ever quit your day job, you have a career in plumbing,” she snickers. “But seriously, you didn’t have to do that, and you certainly don’t have to finish that.”
“It’s what any boyfriend would do, Doc,” I say with a nonchalant shrug.
“You’re not my boyfriend.”
“Yes I am,” I roll my eyes. “I took you on a date last night and I’m taking you out again on Wednesday. I’m not seeing anyone else, so that means we’re dating. And technically that makes me your boyfriend.”
“That’s ridiculous,” she sputters but I can see the amusement twinkling in her eyes. “Besides… I might be seeing someone else.”
“You’re not,” I say with relative certainty.
“How did you change just like that is beyond me,” she murmurs, the appreciation in her voice evident.
I let out a chuckle. “Just get your butt in there and go chill on the couch after. I’m pretty sure I’ll be done in about half an hour, then we can order something for dinner.”
“Yes sir,” she says with a mock salute, which makes me snort.
An hour later, her bed is finally built and as I walk into her kitchen I see her putting the plates on the table. It smells phenomenal here, and I’m surprised when I look at the table because how the hell did she manage to cook all that in an hour?
I take advantage of her back facing me by putting my hands at her hips and pressing my chest onto her back. I nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck and it takes everything in me not to kiss her there. The combination of her perfume and the faint smell of antiseptic is sexy to me. So I can’t help but hum and mumble, “smells delicious.”
“The chicken?” She murmurs.
“Among other things,” I reply softly.
She chuckles. “Come on, let’s dig in while it’s still hot.”
I take a seat in front of her before I select a drumstick from a plate of fried, spicy goodness and put it on my plate. There’s something about the fact that YN made it that makes me believe it will be the best chicken I’ve ever had. Today will no doubt go down as one of the best days ever, which I seem to think a lot when I’m around this woman.
As she dishes me some salad, I honestly can’t wait anymore and take a bite of the chicken. Her eyes snap to me when I let out a groan.
“Good?” She asks with a grin.
I can’t help but let out another groan of approval as I take another bite. “Damn, Colonel, you never told me you make a mean fried chicken.”
“I’m not just a pretty face,” she shrugs smugly.
“Or a fine ass,” I tease. “If you want to quit your day job you can totally open up a fast food chain. Your fried chicken puts KFC to shame.”
She laughs as she cuts some cornbread and puts it on my plate. “Now try this, I make a mean cornbread too.”
“Mmm,” I say in pleasure as I take the first bite.
“Okay, you need to stop with the sexy moaning,” she grumbles with a tiny smirk before she turns back to her dinner. “You’re so bad. I think you’re trying to take advantage of me.”
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” I laugh. “And besides, you’re just as bad.”
“True,” she replies with a sly smile. “I can be bad too.”
“But just how bad are we talking here?” I ask with a smirk.
“Not bad enough to sleep with you tonight,” she says before she takes a sip of water. After she swallows, she adds, “but totally bad enough I might get frisky with you.”
I give her a mock groan and look up to the ceiling. “A tease. I’ve saddled myself with a tease tonight.”
She laughs.
We talk about what she did at the hospital today as we eat, and her job in general, and it never fails to thrill me the things that she can do. She’s a jack of all trades when it comes to medicine, needing to be able to diagnose and stabilise, often in pressure-filled situations where time is of the essence. I can’t even imagine having the responsibility of someone’s life in my hands like that, and yet she seems to be able to leave it all behind. She talks openly and often with humour about her work, but she also admits that sometimes she can’t help but bear the burden of death too when her skills just don’t make a difference.
I admire her so fucking much. Never admired a woman before, but in fairness… I never looked too deeply at them.
I’m seeing YN through unfiltered eyes and I like everything that I’m seeing.
Something is squirming in my arms and it wakes me up.
I tighten my arm around it in response to the movement and pull it back slightly against my body.
Wait? What?
Sleep.
Couch.
We fell asleep on her couch while watching a film.
It all comes back in a rush. Our totally awesome conversation over equally awesome food she cooked that I couldn’t stop raving about all night. I had three pieces of chicken by the way. We talked more about our backgrounds, me growing up in Cheshire and her childhood in South Carolina. We had a few beers, and when she asked me if I wanted to stay a bit and watch a film or something, of course I said hell yes.
The fact that she asked made me smile, because it meant that she was having a good time too with me. So we ended up on her couch watching Jaws, and I liked that she didn’t even hesitate when I lay down on her couch, pressed my back against the cushions and patted the area in front of my hips. I’m pretty sure she can see the devilish gleam in my eyes when I said, “come on… let’s cuddle.”
“Wow… Harry Styles, big bad hockey player, shameless flirt, total panty dropper. Didn’t peg you as a cuddler.”
“I’m a big teddy bear, honey,” I said with a grin and open arms.
She fell asleep first, and I know I should’ve left but the slightest movement from me would definitely wake her up. I know she must be tired so I decided against it and closed my eyes instead.
“Morning,” she says in a husky, raspy, ‘I just woke up’ voice and it’s sexy as fuck.
“Morning,” I reply, my own voice is still rough with sleep. I wonder if she thinks that’s sexy too. “You slept good?”
“Mhmm,” she hums softly, but then immediately groans as she glances at the clock above the telly. “Ugh, I have to be in the hospital in about an hour.”
She then tries to extricate herself from my arms, but I pull her back in close and nuzzle her neck as I point out, “you work a lot.”
“Ha, tell me about it,” she says with a dry laugh. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my job. It’s just I wish I could sleep for three days straight sometimes.”
“Do you even have a day off in the week?” I ask curiously.
“I do,” she answers with a nod. “It was actually my day off yesterday, but I was filling in for a colleague.”
I loosen my hold and let her sit up in front of me. “Go get in the shower, I’ll make us both a quick breakfast.”
“You can cook?”
“Well, if I give you food poisoning you’re heading to the hospital anyway,” I chuckle.
In the kitchen, I grab some eggs and a pack of English muffins from her fridge. A quick breakfast sandwich sounds good, and portable just in case she needs to eat on her way to the hospital. I crack open a couple of eggs, scramble them with a fork and add salt and pepper while my skillet heats up. I put a bit of olive oil in the pan before I toss the English muffins into her toaster to crisp, then set coffee to brew in her Keurig. I’m moving around her kitchen as if I was born here.
By the time I pour the eggs into the pan, she walks out of her bedroom in her scrubs. I smile and nod at the Keurig as I say, “coffee’s ready.”
“And damn, you’re hot in those scrubs,” I add with a grin, giving the eggs a last scramble before pulling them off the heat.
“You’re joking right?” She says, wrinkling her nose as she grabs the milk from the fridge and turns my way, letting the door swing shut on its own.
“I’m serious, Doc,” I say with a smirk. “I wouldn’t mind getting a thorough exam from you. Preferably in your new canopy bed though so I can tie you up after for a payback.”
“Get your mind out of the gutter. It’s eight in the morning,” she laughs and I snort in return.
She then pours some milk in her coffee, pulls the cup to her mouth, and blows across the steaming surface. Her eyes meet mine over the edge of the cup as she takes a tentative sip. “Are we still on for Wednesday?”
“Of course,” I say with a confident smile.
“What have you got planned?”
“Well, you’ll have to wait and see,” I tease her. “Just to warn you though, I may or may not gonna put my hands all over you.”
I don’t tell her that by putting my hands all over her, I mean on the ice to keep her from falling since I plan to take her ice-skating on the team’s practice rink. I don’t want to spoil the surprise, and besides, I’d be lying if I said I never thought of other ways too. The way she’s looking at me right now assures me that she does too, and well, that’s good.
We can compare notes on that later when we get there.
Blinking at me with a sleepy smile on her face, YN stands up from my couch. I walk up to her and she pushes me down into her seat, and then crawls onto my lap.
This is nice.
Our date on Wednesday was amazing, and as we walked inside, she turned to me and asked, “so this was your big plan to put your hands on me?”
I just laughed in response, and I did have to put my hands on her quite a lot in the end since she didn’t know how to ice-skate. Fuck if I’m complaining though.
Now we’re snuggled up on the couch at my house with full bellies. Last weekend she cooked me amazing food, so today, I wanted to impress her by cooking a roast dinner and introduced her to Yorkshire pudding. Sure, I was on the phone with my mum the entire time so she could give me directions, but I only almost burnt down my kitchen once so I’d call that a success.
I lean forward, which pushes her slightly to the edge of the couch, then I reach an arm over her and grab a packet of KitKat from the coffee table. I’m glad when I learnt that it is actually her favourite chocolate too, because KitKat is elite and it’s good to know we’re on the same page.
“Want another?” I ask her.
“No,” she groans. “I’m so full.”
I chuckle and awkwardly unwrap the chocolate. Awkward because I have to open it in front of her face since I have my arms around her, and once I got it opened, I hold the naked little chocolate bars in front of her mouth and tease, “want a bite?”
She shakes her head.
I wave it under her nose and I guess the smell of the chocolate changes her mind because then she says, “okay, a little bite.”
I break the bars and feed one of it to her, letting her take a bite and then chucks the rest in my mouth. We chew silently as we watch Marlin looking for Nemo, and I sigh in contentment when she tucks her face into my neck and drapes one arm across my chest.
It takes no more than ten minutes before I notice her breathing has slowed down and she’s fallen asleep. I rest my cheek on the top of her head and continue watching these fishies. I’m a little drowsy from all the food, but I resist the urge to fall under. For now, I just want to savour my existence at this moment because as Dory says to Marlin, “I look at you and I’m home”, I truly realise that’s how she makes me feel.
I’m sitting in my house, but for once, it doesn’t feel empty anymore. I just had a wonderful meal where we talked and joked and flirted, and now I have a gorgeous woman who I’m crazy about curled up on my lap.
There is absolutely no other place I’d rather be right now.
“Dude, you’re so fucking whipped,” Alex says as he punches me on the shoulder. I jerk slightly and reluctantly take my gaze off YN to look his way.
“What do you mean?” I ask as I take a swig of my beer and promptly look back at my girl. She’s standing just ten feet away, sipping on her own beer and talking animatedly with Sloane and Brynne. We’re at The Owner’s Box tonight having our first triple date, and I’m having a brilliant time. The only thing better would be if YN would quit chatting with the girls and get her sweet ass over here to sit next to me.
“Fucking hopeless,” Matt mutters and Alex snickers.
I blink and turn to look at them. “What? Why am I hopeless?”
“Because you can’t fucking take your eyes off of your girl for more than two seconds,” Alex jeers at me. Then he leans in towards me and murmurs with a mocking sneer, “pussy.”
“Bollocks that,” I say haughtily. “I can take my eyes off of her longer than that.”
“Good,” Matt says, handing me an empty beer bottle. “Go get us some more beer.”
“Assholes,” I say with good nature and head towards the bar. Stopping beside my girl, I kiss her on the temple. “You girls want anything else to drink?”
Sloane and Brynne shake their heads, smiling coyly at me as they watch my uncharacteristic display of affection. I’m immensely pleased when YN smiles at me and rests her hand on my chest. “I’m good, but thank you.”
“Be right back,” I tell the girls, and then I set out to prove Alex and Matt wrong.
I swivel my gaze back to Matt and Alex, and I give a sheepish grin when Matt mouths the word pussy at me. I flip him off and head towards the bar, intent on not looking back at my girl for at least the next few minutes it takes me to get the beers.
“Excuse me,” I hear and feel a tap on my shoulder. “Harry, can we get an autograph and a picture?”
As I turn around with a warm smile in my place, the word sure is out of my mouth before I even see who’s asking. I’m met by a vision of holy hotness as two women stand there with tight-as-hell t-shirts cut obscenely low and with plenty of silicone boobs pouring out.
Just a mere month ago, I would have whispered a prayer of thanks to the big man upstairs for sending these two my way, knowing well that I’d be banging the hell out of one of them before the night was finished. Instead, my stomach tightens and I glance past them to see YN still deep in conversation with Sloane and Brynne.
I bring my gaze back to the women… a brunette and a blonde, both looking at me with promise in their eyes.
“Do you mind taking your picture with us?” The blonde asks with a bat of her eyelashes.
I give her a quick smile and say, “sure, no problem.”
She steps up to me as she hands her phone to the brunette. I lift my arm to sling it companionably around her shoulders, but she uses that opportunity to press intimately into my side, bringing both arms around my waist and mashing her breasts against my ribs.
“Thanks so much,” the blonde says in a seductive voice. “Can we buy you a drink?”
“No, thanks,” I decline with a smile. “I’ve got some friends waiting for me.”
“An autograph, then?” She asks.
“Sure.”
The blonde digs in her handbag and pulls out a sharpie. She then hands it to me and says, “can you make mine out to Kourtney with a K?”
“You got it,” I say, eager to get this over with because it feels awkward to me to have this woman coming onto me with my girl standing just a few feet away.
“Just sign here,” she says and my jaw drops as she pulls the edge of her t-shirt down her chest, practically exposing her entire right breast to me.
“Uh, you got a piece of paper instead?” I ask her. “I don’t think my girlfriend would like that.”
“You bet your ass she won’t,” I hear my girl quips from behind me and I’m trying my best not to laugh. I like that she immediately snuggles into my side so those women now would have no doubt that I’m totally hers, “wanna go play some pool, baby? Loser buys the drinks.”
“You’re on,” I tell her, Kourtney with a K and her friend are long forgotten. “But just to warn you, I’m really good.”
“Honey, I was practically born on one of these tables with a beer in my hand,” she says smugly, “you’re going down.”
“Do you want to come in?” YN asks as she pulls out her keys from her handbag. We’ve just got back from The Owner’s Box and as usual, I walk her to the door.
My tone is low, soft, and barely audible when I say, “Doc, if I come inside tonight, I don’t think I can promise you to keep my hands to myself.”
“I don’t want you to promise me anything,” she replies firmly. “Whatever happens, happens. Now, let’s not dawdle on my porch and get inside. Want some more beers?”
“Whoa, don’t hand me ammunition,” I joke and she laughs. “I’ll take some water though.”
“There’s some water bottles in the fridge,” she says, pointing to the tiny kitchen that sits at the rear of the house, past the living room. “I’ll be right back.”
I get two bottles of water out of the fridge and head back into her living room. I take a seat on the couch and pull out my phone, scrolling mindlessly as I wait for my girl.
When she reappears, she’s wearing a pair of sleep shorts and a white t-shirt. Her hair is pulled into a ponytail and her makeup has been washed off. Her in a t-shirt and tiny shorts is a hundred times sexier than her in literally anything else—yes, including her scrubs—and there’s no stopping my downstairs head from waking up.
“Come here.”
Her eyebrows rise, but I don’t miss the clear interest in her eyes. “Come there?”
I tap my thigh, “right here.”
Her cheeks flush and a little puff of breath blows out of her. With absolutely no hesitation, she crawls onto my lap. Our gazes are locked tight and her eyes darken with intensity. When her chest comes level with mine, and her knees are pressed into the cushion just inches from my crotch, she asks me softly, “you going to finally kiss me?”
“I’m thinking about it,” I tease her as my hands come around her lower back, pressing her onto me.
Fuck, she feels good against me. Just her soft curves and warmth and I’m already starting to get hard before I even lay my mouth on hers.
She looks at me with sizzling eyes as we stare at each other, knowing that once we take this step, our relationship is going to another level.
Leaving one hand on her lower back, I slide the other up and over the shoulder, letting my palm glide up her neck so my fingers can tangle in her hair. She shivers when my thumb strokes her jaw before I cup my hand around the back of her head.
Her hands reach out and circle behind my neck. Then she whispers as she licks her lower lip, “so this is it?”
“This is it,” I tell her, and because I absolutely cannot wait one second longer, I put pressure on the back of her head to lock our mouths together. The first touch of her lips against mine causes pleasure to punch straight through my groin, and the world just absolutely melts away.
There’s nothing else but her.
Lips so fucking soft, tongue tentative and sweet. Her hair silky to the touch and her skin warm as my hand snakes up just under the edge of her t-shirt.
She tilts her head, opens her mouth more and kisses me deeper. I groan and pull her tighter to me. My hand fists tighter into her hair, hampered by the hair tie somewhat but not giving a fuck. Her hips start to rotate slightly, rubbing herself along the top of my thigh. My dick gets achingly hard as she starts to make tiny sounds of need in the back of her throat.
My other hand slips down her back and palms her backside, then I give a tentative squeeze. I think she likes that, because her hips shift forward and she starts to grind her crotch on my leg. I press against her ass, encouraging her to keep moving against me. She does it again and shudders in my arms, so I know it’s hitting her in the right spot.
Pulling on her hair, I break the kiss just enough so I can growl at her, “get yourself off, darling. Right here. On my leg.”
Her eyes fly open and they’re full of fire and sexual need as they stare back at me. Her lips curve up in a wicked smile of acquiescence and I pull her back down to my mouth for a hard kiss.
She rotates her hips in circles, then alternates flexing back and forth. I clench my thigh muscle, wanting to give her as hard a surface as possible to stimulate herself. I slip my hand down the back of her shorts, finding bare skin. I squeeze and push her down on me, helping her to move faster on my leg.
She pants and moans softly as she works herself up. I have to force myself not to push my hand down further between her legs. I’m bound and determined not to go there yet, and besides, this is hot as fuck and completely satisfying to me.
She moves faster and faster, making tiny cries of yearning into my mouth as we kiss. Then she punches her pelvis down hard onto my thigh, going still for a moment before her entire body starts quaking in silent orgasm. I hear nothing but a soft sigh of pleasure escape her lips and slither over my tongue.
Her body goes limp in my arms. She lifts her head, our lips parting, and looks down at me with glazed eyes. I press my lips to her briefly just once more, before I pull my hand out of the back of her shorts and roll her body off me. As I stand up and hover over her for a minute, I see her cheeks flushed rosy and her nipples pebbled hard, even through her t-shirt.
Placing a hand on the couch cushion, I lower myself to her and brush my lips across her forehead. “Get a good night’s sleep.”
“Wait- you’re leaving?” She asks, confusion coating her expression.
“Yes,” is all I say.
“But-”
“I’ll take a cold shower when I get home, no worries,” I assure her with a smile. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I had a great time tonight, Harry,” she tells me, still looking like a wet noodle on the couch so I don’t think she’ll be getting up anytime soon.
“I did too,” I smile at her over my shoulder as I reach for her door.
It’s in this moment that I’m pretty sure I’m a goner for her.
I see the hottest, sexiest, most adorable doctor walking across the darkened parking lot towards me. Well, towards her car. Her head is tucked down and she looks tired. When she finally looks up and locks her eyes on me, the exhaustion melts away and I’m rewarded with a happy, welcoming smile from her.
“You really have to stop stalking me in parking lots,” she quips as she walks closer.
Then closer still until the tips of her shoes touch the tips of mine and she’s offering her mouth to me for a kiss. Obviously, I take it, because who wouldn’t? Her lips are perfect. She tastes like mint gum and smells faintly of antiseptic, and that right there is my favourite combo.
When she pulls back, she tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear and asks, “seriously, what are you doing here?”
“I wanna take you somewhere,” I tell her as I grab her hand and take her towards my car that’s parked the next row over.
“Where?”
“Just get in the car, Doc.”
“You’re being vague,” she says with an arched eyebrow. “Is this where you kidnap me, take my kidney and sell it on eBay?”
“This is where I’ll find a way to occupy that beautiful mouth of yours if you keep asking questions and ruin the surprise,” I tell her and she gives a tinkling laugh.
“Promises, promises,” she singsongs and I just roll my eyes.
It only takes about fifteen minutes from Cedars-Sinai Hospital where she works to the closest beach where I plan to take her for an impromptu picnic date night. We only had to stop by to get some pizza because I already have a cooler with a six-pack of beers loaded in the back of my car. It’s a little too late for sunset, but the purplish black of twilight is lush.
“The beach, huh,” she deadpans. “You brought me out here to seduce me?”
“You naughty girl,” I clutch a hand to my chest and make an exaggerated gasp of disbelief. “That’s indecent exposure that is.”
She laughs as she opens the door of the car and hops out. I do the same, then I open the back door to pull out the pizza, blanket and the cooler with beers inside before letting her help by taking the blanket.
Somehow we have the beach to ourselves tonight, and she points out a nice spot for us to sit. I agree, so I let her spread out the blanket. After both of us have our butts firmly planted, side by side, facing the ocean, I take two beers out and hand one to her.
“Ooh, we’re going fancy tonight,” she says when she sees that I brought microbrews instead of cheap beer.
I chuckle as I open the pizza box and grab a slice of the cheesy goodness that will probably clog my artery, then we talk about our day as we eat. I tell her the funny things that happened at practice today, including a joke that Marcel told us in the locker room which most would probably find insulting, but I know my girl is used to locker room talk and would find it hilarious, and she tells me what she did in the hospital. Apparently, they were so busy today that her lunch break lasted less than ten minutes.
“You never cease to amaze me, Doc,” I tell her honestly. “It’s so cool what you do for a living. Impressive as hell.”
“Thanks, Harry,” she says softly. “That means a lot.”
It’s completely dark by the time we finish our pizza, but the view is still lush since the moon is bright, causing the water to look like it’s covered in floating, crushed diamonds.
We’re silent as we sip our beers, and I love that we can sit in comfortable silence as well as talk for hours. It’s crazy to think that it’s only been a few weeks that we’ve known each other yet I just feel such a strong connection with her. I love that we’re so in tune with each other that sometimes we say the same things and steal lines from one another. We have a similar sense of humour and we can even exchange an inside joke with just a glance.
I loosen my hold of her when she pulls away from my side embrace. Her head swivels to me, and I can see the moon glittering in her eyes. “I owe you an apology.”
“What?” I look at her in confusion.
“I misjudged you, Harry,” she says with a tender smile. “When you asked me out, I outright told you that you’re a player without even giving you a chance to explain yourself. I made an assumption, and that was wrong of me. I’m sorry.”
“And your assumption was right,” I tell her honestly with a light chuckle. “There is nothing to apologise for. It was common knowledge, I was a manwhore.”
She snorts. “Shut up, I’m serious.”
“Me too,” I squeeze her hand. “You didn’t misjudge me, Doc, you knew exactly the type of guy I used to be.”
She has a dreamy smile on her face when she says, “kiss me.”
“No, you come here and kiss me,” I say, and I’m pretty sure she can see my eyes sparkling with mischief.
She rolls her eyes and mutters “fine” under her breath as she plants her knees on the sides of my legs, but I don’t miss the light in her eyes which tells me that she likes the idea.
Closing her eyes, she dips her mouth to mine and now I’m wondering if the two years of jail time and a fine for indecent exposure is worth it if I were to take her right here right now.
We’re in New York for two away games in a row, tonight against the Rangers which we won 3-1, and tomorrow night against the Devils. I’m chuffed not only because we won and I played great, but I also had a great day today before the game with my girl. We didn’t do much since she wanted me to save my energy for the game tonight, but we did walk around our hotel and ended up napping on the couch in the room that I share with Marcel.
We all ride on the team bus that takes us from the hotel to the arena and back to the hotel after we finish the game. I wanted her to sit next to me, but for both trips, to the arena and back, she gave me a slight shake of her head and sat with the girls along with the rest of the staff in the front.
When I hop off the bus though, I see her waiting for me with a grin on her face. I kiss the fuck out of her, not caring about my teammates who whistle and yell, “get a room.”
“Which floor are you on again?” I ask her as we enter the lift. I want to walk her to her room just to spend a few minutes more with her.
Yeah, laugh all you want. I know I’m fucking whipped.
“Tenth,” she says, pulling her room key out of her handbag and hands it to me so I can scan it then tap the button on number ten.
“Wanna catch an early breakfast with me tomorrow?” I ask her as we approach her room that she shares with the team’s orthopaedic surgeon, Callie.
“Sure. What time?”
“We’re leaving for light skate practice at 9:30, so we should have plenty of time if we meet down there at 8:30.”
“Sounds good,” she nods as we reach her door.
There’s a handwritten note stuck in between the door and the jamb. She puts her key in the card slot, opens the door slightly, and snag the piece of paper. She opens it up and I look over her shoulder at the note as we read it silently together.
YN,
Marcel and Joslynn are hooking up and they’re in his room which means Harry has been kicked out. I’m going to sleep with Macy instead, so you and Harry can have this room. Unless you want Harry to go sleep with Macy?
No? Didn’t think so.
Have fun you two.
Callie
“This is Alex, Matt and Marcel’s doing,” I tell her with absolute certainty as she twists her neck to look at me. “I’ll just get an extra room for tonight.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she chuckles. “You can sleep here. We’ve spent the night together before.”
“Yeah, but that was different. We fell asleep on the couch, it wasn’t intentional,” I point out. “I don’t trust myself sleeping in the same bed with you, Doc. I’m not going to be able to help myself.”
“Well, good,” she says, smiling mischievously. “Cause I’m done wait-”
That’s as far as she gets before I push her through the door, backing her into the room. My mouth hits her only moments before her legs hit the edge of the bed and we both go tumbling onto it.
This is when we realise there’s a huge box of condoms with 144 packs inside it in the middle of the bed. On the top, there’s another note and I recognise Matt’s handwriting on it.
You’re welcome by the way
“I freaking love your teammates,” she says with a laugh.
I guess I owe those fuckers some beers.
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