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emeritus-fuckers · 6 months

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Hiii, I'd like to request a match up !!

First of all, sorry if it's written weird, English is not my first language and I'm in need of a few days of sleep lmao :') also this is very long because I have no idea how to write concisely to save my life, so, sorry for your eyes? brain? Idk but sorry

1 - I'm AFAB genderqueer, might be a demigirl ? idk gender is confusing. anyways, I use any pronouns because I'm extra like that lmao, and I prefer my sexuality to stay unlabelled for now

2 - Papas !! (they're so silly I love them)

3 - I'm rather small (163cm/5'4") and kinda pudgy. I would not say I'm plus size but I'm definitely thicker than average, especially around my hips and thighs (stretch marks n cellulite gang WYA). I used to be very insecure about it but thankfully I got better at loving myself (still working on it but I'll get there eventually). I'm also getting a tattoo on my upper left arm very soon (inspired by Kafka's Metamorphosis because yes) and hopefully some more piercings (I only have triple lobe for now). my hair's light brown and very short, I buzzed it back in August and I'm growing it out. Yes, I do have a terrible case of bed head. I also trim my eyebrows to be very short, makes it easier to do my makeup. Almost forgot to talk about my eyes, but basically they're blue-ish green and usually overshadowed by the huge dark circles I have. I don't dress according to one particular style, although I enjoy being in full goth fashion, makeup and all. I would probably describe my style by 'satanic grandma' because as much as I love my band shirts and inverted crosses, I also cannot live without my extensive collection of grandpa sweaters and ugly ties.

4 - I'm an introvert - and an awkward anxious ball of nerves at that, but I don't mind stepping up to the task in social situations if the people I'm with are not comfortable ordering food/asking a question. I usually am very cautious of how I act with new people I meet as I am autistic and don't want to 'scare them off' or make them uncomfortable. However, if we vibe, you get to know the still anxious but also very silly me. I especially love coming across other people that are on the spectrum, because we usually have a certain understanding of each other's way of acting and just be silly together. Speaking from experience with my closest friends, at least (not generalizing autistic people !!).

5 - I've been hyperfixating on Ghost for a good while now, but apart from that I'm very much interested in art. Learning about it of course, but also making it (I'm in art prep class rn and it's kicking my ass, send help). Drawing, writing, taking photos, making zines and stuff... hopefully after prep class I can get into a proper art school and study illustration, and maybe look into becoming a graphic novel author. My favorite artists would probably be Dora Maar, Gustave Doré and Gustav Klimt tbh. I also have an interest in geopolitics and history, especially in the Middle Ages' witch hunts and black death, but also in more recent topics such as the satanic panic. Basically all things occult and satanic. I also love internet horror media such as ARGs, like My house.wad or the Hypnagogic Archive. Music taste wise, I listen to everything, but my favorite genres are hard rock and metal. I'd say my all time fav artists are Ghost, Slayer (South of Heaven walked so that Year Zero could run, change my mind), Iron Maiden, SOAD, Twin Temple, Radiohead, alex g and Mitski.

6 - I'm a huge cat person but I also very much love crows and rats and reptiles and overall all the animals that would seem weird to keep as pets. Also I love love LOVE having deep conversations about complicated philosophical topics at night in a calm spot at a party or smth, specifically while drinking off-brand soda. Idk why I included this, I just thought of it and I'm too tired to question how my sleep deprived brain thinks right now.

Sorry again for the huge wall of text, y'all are the best !

Have a good day/night !!

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is...Copia

He's all for helping you love yourself, he'll kiss any part of your body you are insecure about and everyday he tells you how amazing you look. The thing that really makes it work is that he means it, you can see the sincerity in his expression.

He can also be an awkward anxious bundle of nerves. But what is so cute is that both of you try and step up for the other in social situations. You see Papa Emeritus IV come out a lot at those times.

You vibed immediatly with him it was just an instant connection. He just got you, and you him. He treasures that so much.

He will help all he can with your art class prep. Like whatever you need. If you want him to just keep you company he's there, if you need models he'll get his rats to pose with him (it's just adorable). Or if you need to work super hard he'll bring you food and drinks to keep you going.

Sometimes he joins you but drawing isn't his strongest skill so it's a good giggle, he can laugh at his mistakes and he enjoys seeing you smile at them. Other times he'll sit and write songs as you work, he wrote one about you just the other day.

He got so excited when he found out you had an interest in the middle ages, witch hunts and black death. He literally squeaked with joy and you discussed it long into the night, while drinking lots of off-brand soda.

He also finds some really cool books for you to read from the clergy library, occult, satanic panic and so on, it's all there.

Written by Nyx

#anon #ghost band x reader #ghost band #ghost bc x reader #ghost bc #papa emeritus iv #copia x reader #copia #papa iv #match up event #match up #papa emeritus iv x reader

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mr-awesome-balls · 2 years

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The 10 Novels I Read on May (+1 bonus cuz it's that good)

Just wanted to say that @thedollymaker and @hippo141 are angels and this post is for you guys! Hope y’all find it useful <3

I’ll be rating and ranking the novels I’ve read from best to worst. Most (more like all) are romance novels which are also popular on BookTok. Writing the tl’dr non-spoiler ver here with more in-depth review on an upcoming post (bc tumblr deleted my half completed in-depth review and it’s nearing 1 am rn so yeah):

1. Love and Other Words by Christina Lauren - 5.1/5 🌟

I have to admit I read this on June 2022, and have read 4 more books since too but I just HAD to put this here because it's that good.

It tells the story of 2 best friends (who are almost soulmate-like imo) who have recently met again after years of losing contact. They had a falling out, but when they met everything just falls so perfectly. And we find out what happened in the past. It had the craziest twist (that i kinda knew was coming but oh my lord let me tell you that I BAWLED). BIG hurt/comfort theme. It reminds me of a warm hug and just - of Home. Home's embrace/warmth if you will.

2. It Ends With Us by Collen Hoover - 5/5 🌟

Girl meets the perfect Boy, but maybe there’s something more than meets the eye. Major page turner, this books makes me feel so much and at the same time left me feeling empty. I learnt valuable real life lessons from this book and you won’t regret picking this up. Hurt/Comfort piece. Also also, read the Author’s Note after ending the novel cuz it provided much needed clarity/resolution/peace.

3. All Your Perfects by Colleen Hover - 5/5 🌟

If you’ve read it ends with us and it left you feeling “it could’ve worked” ((not gonna spoil more but if you know, you know)), then boy is this the perfect one for you. It tells a story of this couple’s journey of overcoming terrible stuff ((think It’s Quiet Uptown, Hamilton)). And also, Best. Coho. Male. Lead. Ever. ((Graham my man, UGH)) So so Romantic.

4. The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood - 5/5 🌟

THIS IS THE CUTEST ROM-COM, way more lighthearted than the previous 2. Fake dating, ball of sunshine x broody/grumpy trope, age gap. It’s so cute and the banter is so amazing. I recommend.

5. Funny You Should Ask by Elisse Sussman - 4.6/5 🌟

This novel to me feels comforting. It’s a slow burn but in a comfortable sense? Journalist and Movie star had an unforgettable weekend that left much needed resolution. A decade later, they met again but both changed and grew for better or for worse. Sometimes, stories don’t have to be dramatic. And this novel feels genuine in a sense - a genuine adoration.

6. Verity by Colleen Hoover - 4.5/5 🌟

Murder-mystery, very suspenseful, very exciting, but leaves you mind fucked. Like after ending this, I was just like what the fuuuuck. This novels fucks with your head like ngl. Best opening scene. Young writer was tasked to finish another successful writer’s novel series after she is left incapacitated. But she found a manuscript that perhaps reveals so many terrible truths, or is it?

7. Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover - 4.1/5 🌟

This book is spicy, hot and romantic. It’s cute. Started a bit slow but it has quite a strong ending. Friends with benefits to lovers. Brother’s best friend. Pining. The my life is too much of a mess to love again trope. ((read this before november 9 for cameos))

8. November 9 by Colleen Hoover - 4/5 🌟

This book is fun and exciting. Boy and girl meets once a year, over a span of 5 (or 6?) years as their relationship grow. It’s endearing, how Ben (main guy) just encourages Fallon (the MC) to love herself more.

9. In Five Years by Rebecca Serle - 3.7/5 🌟

This perfectionistic, planning and success obsessed lawyer saw a vision 5 years into the future to find her planned life so different than it is now. I’d say that this book is not what you think it is. Imo this is not a romance novel, but more on friendship and learning to letting go. Life happens, it still goes on.

10. Confess by Colleen Hoover - 3.3/5 🌟

To love is to sacrifice is the essence of this book. It’s about 2 people who is sacrificing so much to love the people they love. But maybe, they need to learn to value themselves - to not discount themselves too much. And in finding that in each other.

11. Under One Roof by Ali Hazelwood - 3.2/5 🌟

Environmental engineer inherited a house from her mentor. But what said mentor forgot to mention was that half of the ownership of the house belonged to her nephew (who’s this lawyer at this BP-esque unethical capitalistic giga corporation). Enemies to friends to lovers. The stuck under one roof (thus the title) and the oh my god they were roommates trope. It’s short, it’s cute, it’s sweet.

----

Just wanted to say that Colleen Hoover is an amazing writer and reading it ends with you got me out of my reading slump. TikTok is a great place to find recommendations <3 Technically I read like 10 books in 2 weeks and it’s more books I’ve read in the past like what, decade? ((well maybe but like i’ve probably poured those energy into fanfics which could easily quadruple the number but eh)). What I’m trying to say is that this is fun, reading is amazing hahaha.

I’m planning on reading unhoneymooners, hopeless, maybe someday and some other more soon but let’s seee, feel free to drop recs on my askbox~

**EDIT** Ok y'all, Imma do a quick update on the ranks because I read 1 wonderful book that just OOFT.

#novel #book #book tumblr #colleen hoover #ali hazelwood #rebecca serle #elise sussman #book review #it ends with us #all your perfects #the love hypothesis #funny you should ask #verity #ugly love #november 9 #in five year #confess #under one roof

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unforth · 3 years

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Hello unforth! Thank you for your wonderful blog, and the the untamed art blog!! I followed you years ago for destiel, and you were one of the people that got me into the untamed. I watched it last summer and have been binging various cdramas ever since!! I had a question for you about reading. After watching the untamed I read the novel, and didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think you’re someone who prefers the show, but if not, sorry if I’m remembering wrong… hoping you understand. I want to try reading other novels but I found the romance in mdzs to be kinda off. I guess I’m wondering if you have a recommendation for the best novel you’ve read so far? It would be great if it’s one with fanfic but if not I’m still curious to try! I hope this didn’t come off as rude about the untamed, it’s just a personal preference. Thanks in advance, and thanks again for all your work in fandom!

Howdy! *waves*

You have not misremembered, I definitely prefer the Untamed to the novel of MDZS (and I'm with you, no shade on people with different preferences, of course!). I also didn't enjoy the novel of MDZS as much as I thought I would, though I think some of that was because I read the Exiled Rebels Scanalations translation which - again, no shade, translating that was a HUGE job and kudos to them - but I do here from native speakers that some questionable translation choices were made, which can detract from some people's enjoyment of the novel (and can enhance other people's, it just depends how those translation choices relate to each person's personal likes and dislikes).

Now, I can tell you what I've read and what I've thought of each one, happily - I don't know what turned you off about MDZS specifically, beyond an aspect of the relationship dynamic, so it'll be hard for me to say which of these might appeal to you more? But, here's a list of which danmei novels I've read, and my opinion. The list is shorter than you'd think - danmei novels are long and I read slow, lol.

Note that all of these end happy, for various definitions of "happy," and the main ship is canon in all of them. Also note that I tried to avoid spoilers, but sometimes it's hard to even talk about the ship dynamic without some mild spoilers.

These are (roughly) in the order I've read them; I just finished the last a few days ago. All art is by the official artists, but I'm not always sure what their names are, sorry - I've tried to figure them out for my art blogs but it's REALLY hard.

1. Mo Dao Zu Shi, by MXTX.

(since I'm writing this post for you, and you're already familiar with it, I'm not putting in TW and plot)

My take: I figure knowing my opinion of MDZS will help you assess all this? There are things I loved about MDZS, including the book, but MDZS is still obviously trying to figure out pacing. Whereas in SVSSS, the storyline doesn't always flow that smoothly and the ending is rushed, in MDZS in my opinion the biggest issue is that she clearly didn't plan some things ahead. For example, Miangmian and Wen Ning are both introduced within a few pages of when they'll be needed to Do Shit. It shows that she hadn't quite worked everything out as she was going, and every once in a while was like, "shit shit I need a character for this thing" and hastily added them. The plot itself is better paced, though, though I could have wished for a less talky denouement. When it was the only one I read, I also often thought, "this author doesn't understand consent," and, "this author has kinks I don't share." Now that I've read all three of her books, I completely retract the first one. MXTX absolutely understands consent, and was intentionally playing with it in MDZS. Not sure if the evidence of that got lost in translation, or what, but...yeah.

Relationship Dynamic: ...the second of those opinions, I still kinda feel. The consensual non-con is just not really my thing, like I'm okay with it in small doses? And I don't love some aspects of Lan Wangji's domineering attitudes and Wei Wuxian's act of bare tolerating it. And don't get me wrong, now that I'm more familiar with her work, I think it was an intentional writing choice and I also think they're both largely roleplaying it a lot of the time...but I still don't personally enjoy it much.

2. Scum Villain Self-Saving System, by MXTX.

Genre: modern transmigration into a fantasy xianxia world.

Where to find it: English translation by BC Novels | donghua season 1

Trigger warnings for: graphic descriptions of suffering, non-con of the "fuck or die" variety, and body horror...I can't think of anything else rn?)

Plot: SVSSS is MXTX's first novel, and is a satire of classic stag harem novels. Shen Yuan, the protagonist and half the main ship, is reading a serialized web novel by "Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky" about a demon named Luo Binghe who has a harem of over 3,000 women and has done all kinds of ghastly awful things. He hates this novel but has read all, like, 3 million words of it or something, and trolls every chapter...until one gets him so angry that he dies...and then he wakes up in the book right around when the book starts, in the body of one of the early antagonists, a cultivator named Shen Qingqiu who abuses a young, innocent Luo Binghe physically and emotionally and, ultimately, is horribly tortured to death. Shen Yuan, in Shen Qingqiu's body, thus sets out to not be horribly tortured to death by Luo Binghe. Hijinks ensue.

My Take: In terms of my opinion of it...SVSSS secured for me that MXTX is a much more brilliant author than I thought when I'd only read MDZS. She understands tropes and subverts them brilliantly throughout the story, and from a writing standpoint, I was impressed with her. However, from a plot standpoint...she's got all the ideas but hasn't, imo, yet figured out how exactly to bring them all together. The pacing is off at times, and the ending felt abrupt to me. It's also the only danmei I've read where I ship a side ship more than the primary one (which is, of course, Shen Yuan (as Shen Qingqiu)/Luo Binghe. (also, oops...I read SVSSS after TGCF and just put them in the wrong order, oh well, not gonna change it now.)

Relationship Dynamic: In terms of relationship weirdness...it's hard to sort in that regard, because, like, it's supposed to be weird? I think it's a really interest book but I'm not sure I'd recommend it in your situation. Bingqiu's main dynamic is...uh...tolerance and obsession? They're kinda hard to describe. Shen Yuan often seems like he's just kinda putting up with Luo Binghe, whereas Luo Binghe is...god. So hard to describe, lmao. He's a big clumsy ox in a museum full of porcelain dishes and he really, really loves his Shizun. (also note that Shen Qingqiu is Luo Binghe's teacher. They don't get together until after they're not master/student, but if that's not your thing, another reason to avoid.)

3. Tian Guan Ci Fu, by MXTX.

(art is by Starember)

Genre: historical China (loosely), xianxia (note that I'm still figuring out exactly how stuff gets classified so sorry if I get one wrong, but I think I kinda get it???)

Where to Access It: English Translation by the astonishing yummysuika | manhua (this is an official translation by Bilibili! It's a few chapters behind the actual release, but still...) | donghua season 1 is on Netflix | a live action adaptation is juuuuust getting started on script reading and filing

Trigger warnings for: MCD, temporary MCD, body horror, graphic violence, epic levels of mind fuckery, uh...genocide?...again, racism/colorism, probably other stuff, sorry, I can't take as long as I'd like to for this post so I'm not being as thorough as I oughta be.

Plot: TGCF is about Xie Lian, an 800 year old man, and it commences at the moment when, unexpectedly, he ascends to godhood...for the third time. Unfortunately, when he ascends, he accidentally does some damage in Heaven, and he has to repay that, so he gets sent back to earth to deal with a ghost who's been causing some problems. Hijinks ensue...and then fucktons of angst ensue...then more hijinks...then more angst...and basically it broke my heart like four times and I am grateful for it every day? The main ship is Xie Lian and a ghost named Hua Cheng, but it's hard to even talk about without some spoilers because of some identity shenanigans. (they're VERY mildly identity shenanigans, but still).

My Take: So, you asked what my favorite of the danmei novels I've read is? It's TGCF. TGCF is one of my favorite novels ever, and it has a growing fandom, a donghua that's on Netflix, and a live action that's just starting to film. TGCF is the culmination of the skills MXTX developed through her first two works, imo. She clearly plotted it out all from the start, and while Book 1 especially often seems kind of random - lots of elements are introduced and then kinda...apparently...forgotten? And never explained? But she actually DOES bring it ALL together and it's flat-out masterful. I'm a big fan, obviously.

Relationship Dynamic: it again depends on your preferences and what you didn't like about MDZS, and there's no way to talk about it without spoilers, so consider yourselves warned. Xie Lian ascended to godhood first at the age of 17, and right around then he also saved the life of a 10 year old boy...and that boy is Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng is a follower of Xie Lian's, in that Xie Lian is literally a god, and Hua Cheng is literally one of his followers. However, they're separated for almost 800 years, so the age difference is largely irrelevant, and while some people complain about Hua Cheng's behavior being stalkery and obsessive, I honestly think they're dead wrong. It's more like when you read a celebrity/fan AU, and it starts weird, and then they really genuinely fall in love. Like, the fan may have been in love the whole time, and how they felt about the celebrity before they really met might feel slightly ooky, but it's how they act AFTER they meet their idol that matters more, and...yeah, Hua Cheng is great, they're both great, antis fight me. Xie Lian is easily one of my favorite characters EVER, he is all my favorite tropes in one horribly, wonderfully fucked up martyristic idealistic sweet kind laid back package. I would kill for him, lmao. In terms of their relationship dynamic...they love and respect each other? There's really nothing that weird about it other than the aspects of the "fan" Hua Cheng that get revealed over time - and he's always terrified that when Xie Lian realizes what a fanboy he was, Xie Lian will be upset or disgusted, but of course Xie Lian never is. They adore each other. It's glorious. Highly recommend. :D There's also no explicit content in TGCF (unlike MXTX's other two books).

4. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (aka 2ha) by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat.

Genre: original world, xianxia, time travel, dimension hopping, it's so many things, 2ha is so hard to describe lmao

Where to Access it: English Translation by the amazing yummysuika (things are complicated, though, and it's not finished) | a manhua is in the works and should be out this year | a live action called "Hao Yixing" or "Immortality" is already filmed and could theoretically air literally any time cause it's completely ready, but when will it actually come? Who knows!

Trigger warnings: all of them. Literally. MCD, temporary MCD, murder, suicide, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, rape/non-con, abuse, manipulation, gas lighting, torture, graphic violence, body horror, literal graphic onscreen horrible blood murder of a small child (I had to skip that chapter), teacher/student relationship sort of but not exactly, probably other stuff, this book is dark as fuck, and a lot of these tags apply to behavior of one half of the main ship toward the other, but...it's complicated, and there are reasons things happen, and those reasons aren't "well they're just a bad person."

Plot: This is another one that's hard to describe because there's sooooo much mind fuckery going on, but I'll try. 2ha is about Mo Ran, who rises to be the Emperor of the World, Taxian Jun, but slaughtering all who oppose him...and who is so miserable that he commits suicide, only to wake up in his 16 year old body. This is pretty much perfect from Mo Ran's point of view, because he's gone back so far that the love of his life, his fellow disciple Shi Mei, is still alive. He has a chance to fix everything that went wrong, starting with preventing his awful evil Shizun, Chu Wanning, from letting Shi Mei die.

Spoilers: the main ship in this book is Mo Ran/Chu Wanning.

Hijinks do NOT ensue. There are no hijinks in 2ha. It is all pain all the time (but I swear it ends happy).

My Take: ...well, from a structural standpoint there are some pacing issues. The book is incredibly long (over 300 chapters, over 1 million words) and there are definitely some chunks that could just be excised and it'd still be fine. However, other than that, it's pretty amazing and absolutely masterful how it's plotted. As a reader you'll spend 100+ chapters thinking you know what's going on, and who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are, and how they relate to each other...and then Meatbun starts in on revealing what's ACTUALLY going on and she then spends 200 chapters repeatedly punching you in the face! Like, I went in knowing a LOT of spoilers, because the tags were so dark that I felt that for my mental health it was important I have a general idea what was going on, and I STILL ended up sobbing my eyes out (and I am NOT an easy crier and don't usually cry at books) over something I knew was coming.

Relationship Dynamic: That's about the only thing that the title accurately conveys about this book. "The Husky and His White Cat Shizun," sounds so soft and fluffy, right? That's how they get you, ha. But, Mo Ran is absolutely a big dumb husky who wants to do the right thing (well, sometimes he does) but just completely fails depressingly often. When he sees someone he likes come in the front door he WILL jump all over them and bark in their face as his way of trying to communicate affection. And Chu Wanning is equally absolutely a cat. He is emotionally constipated, poor at expressing himself, uptight, touch starved, desperate for affection, and so lonely my chest hurts when I think about him. And for how they relate to each other...well, picture that big dog greeting a loved one at the door...except that loved one is the most hide-bound proud white cat you can imagine.

That's their dynamic.

(However, also...there are multiple timelines at play, and Taxian Jun does some truly awful things to "his" Chu Wanning in the original timeline, and many of these things are graphically described, and while it's ultimately all explained, it still all HAPPENS, so if you're going to have trouble reading fucktons of abuse between the main ship, I would not recommend this book)

5. Thousand Autumns (Qianqiu) by Meng Xi Shi.

Genre: historical China (like, references actual people, as far as I can tell), xianxia

Where to Access it: ...reading Thousand Autumns is HARD, it's split over like four websites/translators. This Carrd can kinda help? I can get you the rest if you want | donghua season 1 | I heard there's a live action in the works? But I don't know more than that.

Trigger warnings: graphic violence, mentions/threats of sexual violence (but it's all stopped before things really go wrong), starvation, description of child death (from starvation), near-death, emotional/mental abuse, major semi-permanent character injury, god, minor character death, they're major characters depending on your pov, I can't actually think of others, after writing about 2ha it feels positively fluffy). Note that there's not really any explicit content, just implications of smut, and not til basically the very end and extras.

Plot: Yan Wushi, sect leader of a demonic sect, has just come out of an extended seclusion to improve his cultivation when he and one of his disciples come across a man who is wounded to the point of near death. This turns out to be Shen Qiao, the sect leader of Mount Xuandu. When Shen Qiao awakens from his wounds, he's lost his memory, AND he's blind, and Yan Wushi decides it would be great fun and an excellent use of his time to fuck with Shen Qiao by trying to turn him evil - because Yan Wushi is certain that ALL people are inherently evil, and shattering Shen Qiao's veneer of righteousness will just help prove that.

Spoilers: it's not a veneer.

Not spoilers: Not many hijinks ensue, but there are a few hijinks, and even when it's not hijinxed, it's still not that painful...usually.

My Take: despite that synopsis, a lot of the plot of Thousand Autumns is actually political, and I like political plots, so I liked that aspect of it. However, it has some serious pacing issues imo, and it's also hard to read in English atm because it's not fully translated; it's close, now, much closer than when I read it a few months ago, so it'll be easier to read soon. Or maybe I shouldn't say it's pacing problems, but rather, it's more of a sequence of multiple major plots, strung together, with the growing relationship between Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao playing out in the background. I think if I'd known there was no "one big plot" that would have actually helped me, because it kept feeling like, "Oh, THIS is the main thing," but it never was. Things would feel climactic...except then there'd be more. So it's probably better to actually think of it as more...episodic? And the episodes/stories build, and interrelate, and do have a culmination, but not all of them directly tie in, and not all the threads end up coming together/getting resolved.

Relationship Dynamic: early on, Yan Wushi is definitely abusive and manipulative, intentionally so, and I would argue that, imo, Shen Qiao falls for it. However, mid-way through, there's some big reveals, and after that when they're reunited Shen Qiao no longer takes any shit and Yan Wushi continues to act like he doesn't care even when he clearly does. They're not a typical ship in ANY WAY, and I'd say their relationship is more founded on mutual respect than on love. Indeed, in the author's notes at one point MXS actually says they doesn't see them as the kind of couple to ever exchange love declarations, and I thought that was really interesting and it really helped me to understand how they worked together because I'll own I struggled with at times. Yan Wushi is self-interested, often cruel, and ethically and morally dubious. Shen Qiao, on the other hand, could probably ascend to Daoist godhood, he's so pure. Yet...they DO work. I'd say "opposites attract" but that's ALSO not their main trope, not exactly. They're a VERY hard ship to explain, and I know some people who've read the whole book and still don't really...get them...and I've had to really think about them to wrap my head around them...but the more I've thought about them, the more I like them.

6. Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by Man Man He Qi Duo.

Genre: historical fiction set in either actual China or make-believe China, I'm not sure if this is directly incorporated any real people

Where to Access It: English Translation by Perpetual Daydreams | manhua (untranslated, I'm not sure if there's anyone translating it into English) | I think there's a live action in the works? Not sure beyond that though.

Trigger Warnings: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, drug addiction, drug abuse, chronic illness (different character than the drugs), manipulation, abusive, awful parents and parental figures (not all, but definitely some), some homophobia (but way less than there could have been), probably other stuff

Plot: After 7 years away, Zhong Wan returns to the capital of the Empire with the three children of his benefactor, the seven-years-dead Prince Ning. Prince Ning was executed for treason against the previous Emperor, and Zhong Wan has done all he can to protect and raise the three kids, but he's got a lot of worries about returning to the capital and what could happen to his charges if they get pulled into the politics surrounded the Emperor. But, even worse, he's got even more worries about being reunited with Yu She, nephew of the Emperor, with whom he has more than a little history...and about whom he has been lying for the past 7 years, claiming that he is Yu She's lover, in a bid to help use Yu She's reputation to protect Prince Ning's children.

Hijinks ensue.

And so does a political nightmare.

My Take: TYQHM was a hard book to get into because there are just so many characters and it's all about politics - this is NOT a xianxia or wuxia novel, and these characters are NOT cultivators. There's basically nothing supernatural in the whole book; instead, it's about Zhong Wan and Yu She figuring out their own histories, and accepting each other, while trying to survive in a political world that increasingly wants both of them dead. However, I adore political plots, and when all was said and done I really enjoyed it, and I'm trying tooth and nail to claw other people into the fandom with me, so far with basically no success. It only has like 15 works in English on AO3. And so not only does it not fit that requirement of yours...

Relationship Dynamic: ...I think you would also probably not like the relationship dynamic? Zhong Wan is a bit like Wei Wuxian-as-Mo Xuanyu, except more...genuinely? Like, it's his actual personality, not an act, in quite the same way. I don't mean the "flamboyantly gay" part...usually...he definitely has his moments...but he's just...like, he's been through so much that he'll basically say anything, and drag himself entirely through the mud, to distract people who might hurt the three kids (they're like 16, 13, 13, now I think? It was never THAT clear to me, tbh...certainly, all are at least 10...) and, later, Yu She. He has zero face, and doesn't mind having negative face when he feels the situation demands it...and Yu She, on the other hand, has MAJOR depression issues, is sure he deserves nothing, and mostly wants to destroy everyone around him and then kill himself, at least until Zhong Wan starts giving him a reason to live again. But, more than that...Zhong Wan is like the fucking epitome of a bratty subby bottom. He wants to get fucked SO bad. And Yu She is an incredibly reluctant dom, hilariously so at times, uncomfortably/manipulative so at others. When all was said and done, I was pretty fond of them both, but there were definitely moments that made me grimace, and given what you say of how you felt about MDZS, I think this one is less likely to be to your taste?

Bonus 7: Guardian by Priest. I never finished the novel version of Guardian because the translation had some issues that caused me not to enjoy it, so I won't get into it too much, but again, Guardian is a very different book than any of the others, because it's modern fantasy(ish, like, it's still deeply embedded in Daoist-related tropes but it's more "magic spells" and less "cultivation." Like, in terms of what it's like, it felt more like Japanese modern Onmyoji style stories, to me, than it felt like the ancient Chinese wuxia/xianxia cultivation stories.). I'm not gonna get into lots of details, because I read part of the book more than a year ago, and have seen the show (which is VERY different) like three times, so I can hardly even remember what they're like in the novel. There was definitely some weirdness, though? If you're potentially interested, I'd suggest starting with the drama instead. The plot for that is...

Plot: Zhao Yunlan heads a Special Investigation Unit in the human world tasked with maintaining a treaty between humans and the dixigren ("undergrounders") who are (in the show) aliens (in the book...it's the world of the dead). While doing this job, he keeps running into this professor, Shen Wei, who definitely knows more than he oughta.

Hijinks ensue.

And then it murders you with feels.

The live action streams from YouTube - here.

(Warning: uh, I don't want to give spoilers, but my "guaranteed happy ending" does NOT apply to the Guardian TV show...but it does apply to the book, as I understand it.)

Anyway, this was a terrible use of my time but it was definitely more fun than what I should be doing, and it's probably way more information than you wanted or needed, but since I wasn't sure what exactly you had in mind, I figured...might as well be thorough?

(Today's hyper-focus fail: this post, ha...)

#unforth rambles #i'm not gonna tag the fandoms because i give my own opinions #some of which aren't all THAT positive #i think it's best if I don't just dump that into the main tags

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dpargyle · 3 years

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I'm not doing that podcast anymore. I'm racking my brain here trying to figure out how to build an audience/make $ creatively rn. Every conventional avenue is cut off to me, as I've explained before. I don't really want to write books anymore (due to restricted creative control/sadly losing faith entirely in the medium/business of the novel as an effective art form in these horrendous times) - but trying to build an audience online has just been one failure after another. I really don't know what to do. These days, I catch myself daydreaming about dropping off the grid entirely & farming or some shit but I think realistically my disability precludes me (for multiple reasons) from such foolishness. & I think I'm always going to need to create art of some description. I just wish...like...anyone would care... & this isn't a call out post or anything - like - I get it. Shit is falling apart everywhere (more rapidly than I think many abled folk may realize) so reading/listening to my creative output is nobody's top priority (nor should it be) - especially in such oversaturated markets I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. Like. I'm unemployed - I have no prospects - & even if I had any - the government would cut funding for medical necessities b/c secretly (but not so secretly) policy is set up for people like me to die quietly in the background I'm far more privileged than most in my position, due to my family. At least for now. But if I can't find a steady source of income soon, I'm going to have to move back in with my folks which I really do not want to have to do. Like - I did everything right. I went all the way through a hellish school system. I graduated (with honors) from college. I jumped through all their hoops, I played all the stupid fucking games. & because of my condition I am almost completely cut off from society - b/c no one has given me a chance at the things I actually give a shit about. (This is a rant now oh well lol) & I know I'm a damn good writer. I'm a good artist. But finding an audience is just. I don't even know. I don't even know who I am anymore half the time. I feel thoroughly rejected from society at large. Not that I'd wanna join it right now lmao but like...it'd be nice to be asked. I'm not the only one hanging on by a fuckin thimble right now. I know that. But as a disabled person, I feel the strain before many of you. I feel it when there's not enough people to help me get up in the morning so I get left lying in bed for four hours after my usual times. Sorry, I'm rambling now. I'm also kind of exhausted trying to come up with creative endeavors and putting them up with nobody giving a shit. I put my heart & soul into these things - and I have for years. 32 years of my life, where instead of going out enjoying myself or trying to form friendships (which is already really fucking difficult when I have to get back home every day at 9pm cuz my aides are working 100 hr wks & I don't want to overtax their schedules anymore than I already do) - I chose to forego all that, laying myself on the great altar of art or whatever...all for what? Nobody caring? It's. Fuckin soul crushing. I spend like 95% of my time alone. & I don't think I'm the only one. All I really do is work on creative endeavors, research, and then finally turn off my brain watching football or w/e I don't have energy for any of this anymore. This hyper capitalist mode of....I just. I'm not even making sense & I'm all over the place & I usually outline/plan this sort of shit & probably nobody will read this anyway so I don't know why I'm bothering lmao Shot in the dark, I guess? I dunno. I know I have people who love me. & for that I'm grateful. I hope you all do too. These are dark times & I don't see them brightening in our lifetimes I'm afraid. Hold on to the ones you got I suppose. We all just have to play the cards we're dealt, even if they're all jokers, right? While I do have people who love me, I'm also sick of Utah & the US as a whole tbh, but I honestly doubt anywhere would be much

better if I'm being realistic. Even Mars will be conquered by Musk... Anyway. Just trying to express how it feels to be disabled in these times of societal collapse unheard of since the end of the Bronze Age. Perhaps it's for the best. Wish I could inhabit a different body for a while. But "if wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak," to quote the bard. Like. for just one day, I'd love to experience a day that didn't feel like going to war with myself. With the world. With...like, ok, this is kind of a stupid fuckin example, but on the other hand it shows you the power of art (for w/e that's worth these days) but I was watching the most recent season (series) of Sex Education on Netflix (great frikken show btw) - and for the first time EVER - a disabled character (played by a disabled actor) has an intimate scene with another character where she's not a sex worker (no shame to sex workers but the connotation is always we can only ever have sex if we pay for it) & nobody died lmao - & it was this sacred scene where consent was central & it was playful & sweet & it literally made me cry b/c like - (& I don't cry AT ALL anymore - it's just not me) but I did - I fuckin cried, because like. You can't understand. I'm sorry. But you can't. To never see yourself reflected in such a manner. & then suddenly. You see yourself being tenderly kissed on the nose - & for a touch starved cripple - to see that - like. I know in this life I'm never gonna get that. I've accepted that. I'm too old & too much of a fuckup. But for the youth to see that? For the disabled youth of the world? Fuck. I hope it fills them with the brighter future they deserve. Maybe art can move mountains after all. Just wish I could build a door to get myself out of *here.* It's so fucking hard to see the light right now for me. I hold my head up high. I smile. I'm the strongest person I know. But I just wish I could peel off my shit & be the real me & be loved & I'm terrified none of that will ever be in store for me. But I roll on, as always. Love & strength & sorry to be...this...lmao....

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off-in-the-moors · 3 years

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It is not the responsibility of art to be morally instructive. It is 100% YOUR responsibility to research something if you know you are a sensitive person, take responsibility for your self. Art does not need to be some clinical sanitized morality play, get over your weird Puritanical obsession that all art must conform to your specific world view. Either engage in challenging works or stick to children’s cartoons where you can feel ‘safe’.

Dear Anon,

I’m truly confused by this. I have no idea what are you referencing and what “inspired“ you to send me this “ask“. But I will do my best to give you something.

(It only took me this long to answer, bc I don’t log in very often.)

Let’s start with your assumption of me.

I’m not a sensitive person, in any meaning. I actually love reading and engaging in media that’s morally questionable or straight up morbid and disturbing. Some of my favorite thing are: paintings by Goya and Beksiński, folklore/mythology (in it’s most unchanged form), “Perfume“ both film and book, Hannibal tv series, true crime, to name a few. Your assumption that I’m just “a girl obsessed and only enjoying modern cartoons“ is insulting.

I actually do agree with you that art, in any form, isn’t responsible to be morally instructive, but every work of art is made to send some form of message, be an obvious one or hidden between pages. In my opinion, authors and writers should be aware of what message they want to send with their works and what messages they are sending with what and how they’re presenting.

On your “It is 100% YOUR responsibility to research something if you know you are a sensitive person, take responsibility for your self“ this is also true. But on the other hand, given media should provide you with some kind of warning and not a third party entity. For example, if I pick-up a YA book from a bookstore, bc of its synopsis or someone (be a person I know or a creator) recommended it to me, I don't expect "spicy" scenes or blatant a*use of a character by its love interest or just "torture p*rn" scenes in it but here they are. With no warning. Is it my fault? Partly yes. Is it the media's fault for not giving me any warnings? Also yes.

Even with researching "warnings" isn't that simple. When it comes to books, the only way is reading reviews or recommendations. With reviews, they're either positive and say nothing book related or are negative and full of spoilers. Recommendations nowadays most of the time don't even give you what the story is about, just "it has x, y and z in it", let alone "warnings". From my own experience, they either don't tell you about "unappropriated" stuff (be r*pe, d*ug a*use, a*use, etc.) or they down play them and in worst cases, excuse it or say "it gets better/it's addressed in the next book/later in the series".

But if you feel the need to micromanage everything you engage in, go for it. But most people don't and a warning would be nice.

(This of course doesn't apply to thing and character's actions deemed "problematic". If said stuff is well handled and addressed, it's perfectly ok to portray it. But again, if it addressed and/or showed as wrong, and not ignored, excused, or played as a joke.)

I don't know from where you took the "your weird Puritanical obsession", bc 1) I never petitioned for that in my posts, and 2) I'm actually against censuring and sanitation of media.

Now, on to what "inspired" you to write this.

Again, I have no f-clue. So here are my best guesses:

If it's about Pathologic: I only have problem with people forcing their politics, modern sentiments and opinions/interpretations on to something they don't fully understand, because they're from a different cultural climate. An American can't fully (or in some cases, refuses to) understand something made by Europeans (in this case Russians) for Europeans in mind. I don't want to mix myself into the fandom discourse/drama, because I don't care what people think or how they interpret stuff, even if it's taken from something minor or from nowhere with no support (or even is debunked) in canon. I don't care if people like or hate this one character. Just don't police people for liking things, you don't like. Nor do public shaming or send people on those you don't agree with. You don't like a pixel man on platform shoes? Fine. Just don't bully and attack people who do.

If it's about my post about B*rdugo's adult book: I will admit, the wording and presentation wasn't the best. I was writing it from a place of strong emotions, but I'm still standing by my opinion that some things should not be presented with graphic details in a book without any type of warning. Here we could have a discussion about trigger warnings in books, hers response to the idea of putting them on her book and what is consider "too far", but this isn't about that. I actually have a lot of problems with B*rdugo and her fan-base, besides that. Her use of Russia, it's history, religion iconography and culture only for aesthetic and not doing proper research (she called her series "Greg's trilogy") or showing any respect for it (with characters, how are not main and secondary characters, a Slavic stereotype); her portray of dyslexia and how the fandom likes to use it as a joke in relation to this character; or people shielding her from any form of criticism with "She's is xyz, so she can write this". But I don't care about her and her works.

I stopped reading YA books, because I can't stand them any longer and their "handling" of topics, with people holding up every-single-one as "the best book ever written", not because of the quality or story but because the author is xyz, and spitting at every book written before 2000s. I'll get flag for it but YA novels are the Pulp fiction of our times (of course not all, but most of the popular ones are). I stopped trusting people recommending them to me, because 90% of the time, I'm just disappointed by them.

If it's about K and TRC: I already said so much about this. Margaret isn't aware of her audience, she writes for herself (which she admitted on a podcast) and refuses to change it to please anyone. She created and killed K for two reasons: to further Ronan's character arc (to be used for teaching him to dream better and a (not working) foil of him (or Adam... or Gansey)) and as her weird catharsis of killing everything she hates (who she apparently was; "fratty boys and chortling men") personified as one boy (and yes, boy, because this fandom likes to forget he’s only seventeen, the same age as the Gangsey. If you excuses their actions, like Ronan and Adam’s racist jokes or Gansey’s toxic behaviors towards Adam with “they’re just teenagers”, why K is excluded from being a stupid teen?). With Jordan, it's now obvious that she has a bias of suffering/dealing with your trauma (and addiction) "in the right way", of which in her eyes, K wasn't. She could not create K or she could not make him a harmful stereotype of a Slav, but she did. In a book targeted at 13-18 year olds, we have a drug-addicted boy committing a public s*icide and being demonized and forgotten by everyone.

But I'm done with this fandom, I never had a place in it. TRC fandom is 80% P*nch with a 1% being about K, but even this little corner is "too much" for the stans. I left for a reason, the only thing I regret is not apologizing for my out-burst. If someone who knows what I’m referencing is reading this, I’m truly sorry.

So, yea. I hope, I addressed your issue, Anon.

#ask anon #ask #pathologic #anti leigh bardugo #anti trc #anti maggie stiefvater

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quincywillows · 4 years

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hi Maggie! This is kinda a Super Specific Ask but hopefully it’ll help other people too??? So how do you decide to write something as a book format or a script? I figured I ask you bc you have both experiences but I’m really at a loss rn like I started formatting a comic during quarantine but then I was like omg that’ll take so long and idk maybe I’ll make it into a movie script since I have a good amount of outlining and now I’m like but what if I have so much detail that it just makes more (1)

(2) it makes more sense for it to be written as a book but also I can see everything so visually so maybe script again and honestly it’s just been a whole debate over the last few months and I just need to decide. So how should I go about this? How do you decide and go about this? Sorry if this makes absolutely no sense but thank you anyways because you’re always such a help 💓

hi there friend! thanks so much for your patience on this. i know i said i was going to make a video for my new channel on this topic -- which i still plan to do! -- but my channel will be on hiatus for a little bit while i’m visiting family and i felt bad leaving you hanging, so i thought i would give you some starting thoughts here and then maybe i’ll have more to say or elaborate when i create the video. i hope that’s okay!

so to start, i completely empathize with this issue. it can feel like a lot trying to just figure out what medium would best serve the story, and i really do think that the right medium is important in serving it! sometimes you’ll just read a book or watch a movie etc and have that thought of like... hm... i think this would’ve been much better if it were ___ you know? so i totally get this concern.

here are some starting thoughts i tend to think of when i’m brainstorming early on in my own process to sort of determine which direction to take it:

does the concept / idea require a lot of visual elements? like is it highly cinematic, incorporate a lot of cool visual moments? it’ll need a visual medium (film, tv, comics)

similar, is the idea very fast-moving and plot-based? does it not require a lot of rumination or thought-process from the characters to move forward? again, i’d lean visual (film, usually). the key about writing screenplays is that they’re very sparse, economical about space, and don’t waste time on character’s thoughts or beats of introspection. the rule of thumb with scripts is that anything you want to be understood, you need to make sure it’s stated or implied via the dialogue or action. you don’t get any room to layer in subtext through thoughts or prose (which is something i struggle with, as a very novelistic screenwriter, yet cinematic novelist LOL).

of course, that’s not to say that a novel cannot be plot-driven. it’s more about like... what will be most efficient for that specific story.

on the flip side, does your idea rely on the innermost thoughts of a character or major details of a world? will the story be more impactful if we get a more intimate understanding of the protagonist? in this case, i think novels are prime. i think the reason many middle grade and young adult coming-of-age concepts are super successful as novels but sometimes flop as film adaptations is because what makes those stories so successful is getting to be in the head of that character. seeing their innermost thoughts and feelings, surrounded by their perspective, experiencing their introspection as they do -- you lose a lot of that nuance when trying to translate to screen.

in terms of character, is your idea very ensemble-heavy and driven by the dynamics of said ensemble? for me, television best serves this type of story. basically everything i write is ensemble-based, but the true ones that clearly fit television are those which have a core cast of 4 - 6 main characters. by using television, you’re able to spend more time across the board with each character and transition more seamlessly between them. it’s possible to do point of view swapping in novels (and i enjoy it when done well, and am aiming to do it with quincy willows future installments), but it can feel jarring and harder to follow because in prose we’re so used to nestling into the perspective of a home character. with television, you’re sort of inherently omniscient, so it’s much more flexible in jumping around from character to character. it’s just... roomier, in a way.

to this point, i think focusing on character and how it functions in your story can be very key to figuring out what sort of format you need. like when i first outlined quincy willows, i had structured it as a 10-ep first season of a television show, with ideas for future seasons on the backburner. and even though i still think of qw as overall an ensemble piece, i realized that jonah lee really is the central protagonist and our home character as an audience. so it made more sense as novels (that could become a show in the future), where we enter the world from jonah’s perspective and then build out from there.

but i think qw is a good example of how you honestly never know if the format is right until you start getting things down. i have written an entire 8-ep season arc and pilot for a show idea, only for a couple of trusted friends and betas to suggest that maybe it would be better as a novel. ages ago, a million moons in the past, travellers started out as what i wanted to be a book series, before it just slowly morphed into television format and really found a rhythm there (which was great, considering it’s so ensemble).

so honestly, aside from all the above thought processes (especially how visual is your idea and how important is character / who are your central protagonists), i would honestly recommend just committing to a format and seeing where it takes you. easier said than done, i know, but just see if you can get through the idea in one format all the way through. then chew on it, let other people take a look, and you’ll be able to figure out through their feedback and your own feelings on it if the structure feels right. like this sounds silly, but the story will let you know if you’re on the right track. but you have to give it the chance to breathe first!

hopefully this is at least somewhat helpful, thank you for your patience and this awesome question! i’ll try to get a video version up of this question at some point soon. let me know if there’s anything else i can answer or insight i can add, i’m honored you find me helpful in all your storytelling queries 💖

#writing tips #writeblr #writers of tumblr #writing gabs #writing #maggie.txt #Anonymous #ask and you shall receive

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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Can you talk on the phone while having the tv/radio on? not really ^^”

Describe your teeth: ugh...

Whats the longest youve lived without electricity? days, maybe weeks, no longer than 2

Name all the types/brands of cigarettes you have tried: RGD blue

What is one thing you stand strongly for? hmm... I’m weak

If you could be the owner of one site what would it be? old polyvore :( I’d keep it

What does your doormat say? sadly nothing

What is something you always have in your fridge? light lol

What age can you not wait for? I’m not looking forward to growing older wtf

Name all the drugs you’d never do: I don’t plan to try any illegal substances nor even cigarettes or alcohol

What is the most alcohol you’ve drank in a night? half a mug of absynth while I was on meds that I shouldn’t mix with it :x

What street sign do you find totally pointless? round ones have no points lmfao *dry humor

Do you like water? but drink or what?

Would you ever be a zoo keeper? maybe Do you like the name Mia? it reminds me of Mamma mia and I disliked this movie as I’m not fan of musicals so... Do you have pictures in your room of your friends and you? just parents and dog, not even grandma’s anymore Would you like to live in Canada? no Do you want to be a mouse? dunno When was the last time you had a date? recently Are you in a poke war on Facebook? it reminds me of Sebastian :x Aren’t penguins cute? they’re fine Would you rather have your friends at your house or you at theirs? have friends over is cool if not my mother and mess (and covid now too of course) as going out is a struggle True or false: Life is unfair. sigh... Do you have curtains in your living room? What do they look like? we do, they’re like golden/yellowish/beige

Are you a fan of Star Wars? huge

Do you hate when people don’t capitilize the beginning of the sentence? I do it all the time True or False: Justin Bieber is gay. he’s married to a female, he was dating a gal before too, it’s unlikely

Are you worried about how much paper and water we use? mhm

Did you ever take a computer class in school? we all had to Would you like to sit around and do nothing all day? mmm :3

Mini skirts, jeans or both? neither Are you good at come backs? better than when I was a kid fo sho! When’s the last time you watched the news? I don’t even remember Do you really think that the number 13 is unlucky? it’s my dad’s lucky number Personality or looks? personality is 90% + I don’t count sex - just women exclusively Do you ever dance around your room when your by yourself? at times Do you hate the cold? very, brrr How long can you hold your breath for? about a minute? What’s something you seem to run out of often? ... Do you think that there really is someone out there for all of us? not for every human being Do you think Cookie Monster is cute? it’s alright Do you ever wish you were a bird? yes Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? I fight a lot of ppl in my dreams Do you ever wish on your eye lashes? I believe they’re sent by those who think about you instead Do you ever make up stories in your head and wish they come true? some of them only Do you look at people in the eyes when you talk to them? usually not when I talk which makes them think I’m lying, I prefer to look them in the eye when I listen Which is worse: stuffy nose or runny nose? runny nose is worse Do you think it would be cool to be part of the royal family? it would be easier in some ways, harder in others, guess it could be worthy after all? Do you have to wear a belt with your pants? I don’t own/wear any Do you think your last relationship was a disaster? I’m taken rn True or False : You were born in March false Do you wear hats in the winter? I do, it’s cold

Are you looking forward to the new year? sorta Are you afraid that one day you may get cancer? I know I will Which is worse : Dentist or doctor? doctor

Do you hate when the radio overplays a song? that’s one of the reasons I don’t listen to the radio What’s your least favorite thing that begins with the letter C? chronic illnesses? Do you wish you could walk on water? how would I take a bath then? Which is your favorite symbol : ! @ $ % ^ & * ( ) ? ? Do you like your legs? they’re not the worst Would you rather visit London or Paris? London Twilight or Harry Potter? HP if I have to choose any Do you have a big nose? I heard I do, they were calling me NOSE in middle school Can you rap? nah Do you like the number 4? meh What color is your bike? my push scooter is green ;) Have you ever tried to count the stars? I don’t think so Are you not over someone? apparently as we’re dating

Have you kissed someone today? not today Have you taken a painkiller today? nope Have you had a nap today? neither If you’re currently in a relationship - do you think it will last? I’m afraid not ;( *covid, my issues, our differences etc. - everything can fuck it up and probably will I try to enjoy the moment but it will break us hard sooner or later and I’m getting used to the tought even tho she asks me not to give up (I don’t plan to but I worry she might) I’m gonna miss what we have... if this relationship won’t work I’m not gonna look for anybody new ever What would you wear if you were being taken out to dinner tonight? how fancy? Do you take your Christmas decorations down before or after New Years? after, before my birthday Have you made a large purchase today? no Have you ever had a migraine? it’s a disease, you either have it or not, that’s not just a single headache Have you locked your front door today? my parents are outside muahahaha Have you been awake before sunrise today? noooooooo

Do you normally eat dessert? nope Do you think you could be happy if you had to live with only nine outfits? not during winter Do you watch sunrises? barely ever Do you wake up before the sunrise? when I can’t sleep Do you watch sunsets? not interested

What would you paint on a pumpkin? why not carve? Do you ever imagine you are richer than you are? when planning my dream apartment Do you ever imagine that you live in an entirely different world? kind of Would you rather change your first name or your middle? I have no middle name, I could add one or change first, whatever Do you wish your last name was more interesting? more like shorter If you wrote a novel, would you give the characters ordinary names? it varies Do you worry too much? I’m a worrier What’s your favorite leaf color? green Do you wonder if you have super vision? I have a very good vision which is weird knowing how much I read in the past and how long I sit in front of the computer Do you like the smell of autumn leaves? not a fan If you were a singer, what would you sing and write songs about? sad stuff Would you rather be a dancer or a musician? musician

Where do you put your keys when you get home? not gonna tell you

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? what if I win the contest?...

What does a successful relationship look like to you? success is when ppl die together (I mean not the same time but when they get older together) and not just because they had to, relationship is more than getting used to and coping - it’s happiness out of being together even if everything around is shit, you know what I mean?

What is the best house you’ve ever lived in? I’ve never moved

Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? if I need to

Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? nope?

What was the last email you received? spam

Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? less filters than most but it also depends on who they’re talking to and what about

Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? youngest

What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? I’m a procrastinator so don’t even ask

What’s the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? fb messenger

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newproletarians · 3 years

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I feel like I am giving my own brain a noogie a lot of the time. Or, maybe, putting it in a headlock. Squeezing it from the inside. I feel like I am pinching my own brain, trying to get it to do different things, constantly. Does that make sense?

Is that normal? Do you feel the same way, other person reading this? For the sake of your comfort, and potentially entertainment, I want to be completely candid—I feel like this a fucking LOT. I don’t usually realize it, either. And look. I have this deep-seated knowledge that the average person on Earth is having a really shitty time. I think that’s the norm. We’re all gonna die, we’re all gonna suffer. If you aren’t dying, and you aren’t life-sucking, then what you’re in is very cool, very unusual, and very temporary. Some of us end up lucky enough to be dicking around on a Tumblr blog with loads of benefactors all around them. So I don’t like to complain. Or, fuck that. I should complain. Complaining is good. But I don’t like to be disappointed when life is not perfect, because it rarely is. So there’s that. I just notice it sometimes, like having tense shoulders (which I also have). I’ll be hanging out putting up a shirt in the closet, and realize I’ve been keeping my shoulders... more up? More up than they need to be. That’s the thing. It’s a subconscious tenseness that comes back again and again. That’s what’s going on in my brain. New paragraph.

So what do I care about this? It’s just a thing that happens. Big deal. Move on. Well, that’s the thing. I don’t know if it is a thing that happens. If it is, and it’s totally fine, then I’d love to just get on with my life. If it’s bad I want to stop, because it’s uncomfy and I think there’s a better life out there for me. I’m doing it now, even.

I think i thas something to do with this words part of my brain. This hyper-analytical, mostly-useless part of my brain that sucks at doing anything. The same part of my brain that, when I used to play baseball, would absolutely micromanage the fuck out of every aspect of my form in everything I did. It’s criticism. It’s toxic. God, do people criticize their kids and siblings. What a cycle of suckage. I would be thinking to myself, in the batter’s box, “think of the ball like a thing you need to hit DOWN with the bat.” That would work for a while, and then it would stop, and I’d come up with a new thing. That shit doesn’t work. That’s when the verbal, limited part of your brain tryies to use it’s own verbage to move you forward as a being. You know what I’m saying? That’s you words-brain, which isn’t good for much, actually. Silence is gold. You know what I’m saying?

Your words-brain is the best conduit we have of information from person to person (asterisk), but that information is ridiculously low-quality. Low res. It’s like... not that many pixels? I guess I don’t need more analogies. It’s fucking weak. Language is weak. It weakly approximates things, and we need a whole lot of other shit to adequately communicate anything (like gestures, context, etc.). When I talk, a lot of the time, I’m fixated on the words. I’m thinking about the language we’re using. it’s why, why I text someone, I automatically absorb their texting style and throw it right back at them. It’s probably also why, when I listen to a song, I am often thinking about it in abstract terms, subconsciously reverse-engineering the song to the writer. Unsuccessfully and inaccurately much of the time, for sure. I don’t want to seem like some dude who thinks he is just reverse engineering songs as he goes through life. That would be pretty cringey. But that’s the spirit. It’s there. It’s the sizing up of life experiences, thinking of things in the absolute most transactional, bit-by-bit ways. It’s seeing someone throw a ball well and thinking, “I should make sure my arm goes up like his when I throw,” or seeing a happy couple and thinking, “I should hold myself like this person to optimize life enjoyment.” It’s honestly pretty weird, but also interesting. Why would I look at things that way? This fixation on the mechanics of things is what makes a great builder of things, which I certainly aspire to be. I want to build great relationships, music, videos, animations, whatever. I don’t want to be guarded anymore, how I am. I want to just put myself out there.

And that brings us back to the beginning, somehow. I’m so used to being so hard on myself. So hard on everything around me. There’s this feeling, and it feels like pinching my brain. I am working really hard just to be good enough. For who? For what? Good questions, for sure. I don’t know. I do know that I have the urge to throw this blog away again. I just want to start fresh. I don’t want this stupid shit plaguing my memory. I don’t want to have this shitty blog where I just puked my thoughts out and made little puke piles that were shaped OK enough for me to feel smart. I want to have a cool blog. A smart person blog. Maybe I can talk a little about what I want. Maybe this is too negative. There’s some relation between this head-pinching feeling, this inward-spiraling of writing, and this hyperanalyticality. Man, seeing Phoebe Bridgers on Instagram and Twitter makes me dislike myself. I feel like I’m not cool enough to hang out with her. God. I wanna be cool.

I’m remembering writing in a journal when I was 17. I felt so similarly. I remember I was writing about feeling jealous of my brothers, and how it felt like everything came easily to them, and they always got better treatment, and yadda yadda yadda, and I was just full spiraling into a non-spiral-bound notebook. Comp book. If it were spiral bound, it’d maybe make a kinda beautiful song lyric. Maybe it’s better that it wasn’t. I got bitter. I’m just realizing I got bitter. I think I’ve known, but damn! I was really the not-bitter guy and it was awesome. I wonder why. Anyway. We’ll come back around to it. Maybe.

I was writing about my brothers, and I wrote out “I JUST WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL.” At the time it felt so bad! I felt like it was the craziest thing I ever did. Writing that. Isn’t that funny? I felt like i was being a huge weirdo, and it’s because I had oppressed myself into semi-normalcy (which is also just regular socialization I guess?) and wasn’t thinking about my feelings at all. Now I’m 23 going on 24, and guess what? The feelings are still there. Basically all the same ones. The difference is that I have the tools to deal with them now. It’s cool to relate to yourself. Damn. That is a hilarious thing to say that I didn’t think I would find funny or novel. It feels good to relate to one’s self. It feels like my dragon to slay.

This relates back to the main point. Brain pinch. Getting out of this stupid brain-words mode. words-brain. Whatever. Left brain. Heady stuff. The dragon to slay here is this overwhelming issue of me being weird. I think that’s the fundamental question. It’s ok. I’ll say it. I’m weird. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I think some people genuinely reach that self-aware age, look in a mirror, and go, “score. I’m normal.” Some people just think the right thoughts. I’ve definitely played on both teams in the weird vs. normal wars. I tend to side with normies, because, let’s face it, those other guys aren’t always the people you wanna get down with. The oppressive monolith of normalcy that presses ever forward, bullying that which gets in its way, is pretty reliable. A fear of being weird is healthy, I think. Being too weird is bad. Lol. I’m so far off point. I’m really distracted, worried, bored, and somehow procrastinating all at once. I thought life would be different. That’s part of it. I thought by now I’d know what I wanted to do. I thought I’d have more mature relationships with the people in my family. I thought I’d have more friends, not less. I thought that I’d finally be one of those people you see at the airport and think, “that person looks cool. Instead, I feel like I have less of an idea of what I want to do with my life than ever. I also feel like the kind of person I would avoid. I feel like my relationships with my family members have gotten to a better place, but I’m worried that it only got here because of pity they have for me. I thought I would have an army of cool friends rn, but I don’t. I thought I’d have money, but I don’t. I thought I’d have my shit together, and look at me now, I most certainly do not.

I may not be writing something good right now. I don’t think that’s what this blog is about. I think it’s about me shitting my brain out, but with words. It’s important for me to take big brain shits! I have to take brain shits! Or else I have a bunch of shit in my brain! Is that what an artist is? I don’t think so. I think artists, like, care about art.

Well that’s a relief. So these posts don’t have to be good. They SHOULD be shitty. They are literally shit. I’m gonna have a beer.

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evakfanficsrecs · 7 years

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Hey lovelies, how are you? I was wondering if you guys could recommend me some fics from even's pov. It can be one shots or chaptered fics! If you guys have a tag for it, sorry to ask again, i'm on my phone rn and can't see your navigation page :( Thanks a lot, have an amazing day and week!

Hello, babe!

We do have an Even’s POV tag, indeed! However, we haven’t done a proper updated rec list of those for ages, so I hope you don’t mind if this gets a tiny bit long… :)

ONESHOTS:

Boys of Summer by XioNinSummary: Even has no idea why he’s standing in a room full of pretty, shirtless boys, but he is not complaining.

363 Days by cuteandtwistedSummary: “If you only knew what he has to deal with the remaining 363 days of the year.” Or Even surprises and dedicates one random day besides his birthday to Isak every year until the end of time. Aka: the reason why Even said 363 days and not 364. (TheWholePackage!Verse)

The Study Buddy by wordsarelifealwaysSummary: In this universe, Even meets Isak when he pours Red Bull into a black coffee at 7.15AM to cope with a morning class. Even’s inner barista is horrified, but damn if the boy isn’t cute.

All the glory that I bare by diamondjacket Summary: “What did you do to your hair?” he blurts, and it maybe comes out a little sharper than intended, because Isak winces pretty hard at his tone. But… he just walked through the door…like that. Like it was no big deal. Like the Earth hadn’t just shifted on its fucking axis. Like Even’s entire reality wasn’t suddenly crumbling around him. Or: Isak buzzes his hair off on a dare. Even suffers through the five stages of grief.

but i’ve got oceans to cross. by milominderbinderSummary: Five letters Even doesn’t send to Isak during the semester Isak spends studying abroad (and one he does).

Somebody, Someday, Somewhere by Joana789Summary: He thinks he could never get tired of it, of looking at Isak. Maybe that’s what love is. Looking at another person and never getting tired of the sight of them. Or, five times Isak hugs Even, and one time he doesn’t.

The Notebook by TotallyTinkerbellSummary: Even notices Isak at the library and gets terribly distracted from the studying that he is meant to do. His notebook slowly fills itself with drawings of the boy rather than with his history notes. Even knows he should just go up to his crush, it’s a crush there is no point denying that, and say hi.

Take Me As I Am by givemesumaurgravySummary: “I’ve seen you watching me, you know,” Isak breathes as he pauses to bite Even’s shoulder, earning a small gasp from Even. Even groans, low and throaty as Isak runs his tongue over the broken skin. “I’ve seen you staring at me as I coach your daughter. And then today, I noticed you not being able to take your eyes off me while we played on the field,” Isak teases, his tongue lapping up stray droplets that pool on Even’s clavicle. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” “You’re just… so pretty,” Even says through a hitch in his breath as Isak’s fingers brush over his nipples. * Or, the one in which Isak is the coach of Even’s daughter’s football team and Even likes Isak’s bum. One day there’s a parent football game and Isak, just maybe, starts hitting on Even and, just maybe, Even gives in.

ride it, cowboy by highpraisesSummary: Isak is a talented rider and Even is pretty sure he’s in love.

Make you work up a sweat by diamondjacketSummary: Even is deeply, utterly, monumentally screwed. Also, if Even could actually get deeply, utterly, monumentally screwed by the dude in front of him, preferably into a mattress in the next forty-five seconds, that would be great.

when i met you, when we started off (it sure was a different kind of love) by dewdropsSummary: Sana is supposed to tutor Even but can’t make it due to some vague, unforeseeable events.

this room and everything in it by thekardemommeSummary: Even’s loved Isak for about as long as they’ve been together. It hasn’t been that long, but it’s everything, and Even needs to say it.

Life Patterns by Joana789Summary: 14:05 - Even would write novels about him if he were a writer, or compose songs about him if he were a musician. But he’s neither, so he doesn’t. He draws Isak a heart, instead, like he’s done times and times before, traces it into the skin of Isak’s bare shoulder with his fingertips. He doesn’t know when he’s supposed to stop feeling like this.

24 frames per second by TeatrolleySummary: Even wanted to be a director ever since he was a little child. Ever since he first loved a movie, at 12, and realised that making them was something you could do. Even is eighteen when he realises that, however many movies he manages to direct, he won’t ever get to direct the one about himself. * OR: It takes spring and Isak and a reconnecting but, eventually, Even starts doing the thing he never thought he could: recovering. OR: An Even season 4 story, taking place simultanously with the real season 4.

Most of All by Joana789Summary: If he were to make a movie about himself, he knows what it would be like. (Because here’s another list of facts, and Even likes this one better: the grass is green, the universe is constantly expanding, and Even is in love with Isak.)

No one could save me (but you) by diamondjacketSummary: Isak, who didn’t want to kiss him on the street—even as Even’s mind was shouting yes yes please let’s show them let’s show them—but now shoots him a small, coy smile, who leans in and brushes his wicked mouth over Even’s, softly, without much fire but with so much heat, it leaves Even trembling, quaking inside. He feels his hands involuntarily clench into fists at his sides, and he almost chokes with how much he’s trying to hold back, to resist the urge to grab, to take. But oh God, he wants.

CHAPTERED:

Teach Me to Forget by SabeleySummary: Even is the TA for Isak’s Intro to Media Studies class. If only he’d known that before they slept together.

Strawberry Milkshake Boy by photographer_of_thoughtsSummary: “I don’t want to hear about strawberry milkshake boy anymore, Even.” Yousef snapped, turning the volume up on the TV. Even bit down on his bottom lip, feeling embarrassed. He’d spent the last hour going on about how perfect the boy was; how the boy had quickly drank the milkshake and then licked the rim of the cup afterwards and… He really has a problem. Or, Even has an epic crush on a boy who he keeps seeing at the diner. A boy who only orders strawberry milkshakes.

Lovesick by SabeleySummary: Even is absolutely not making up excuses to take his daughter to see the hot new pediatrician. (Except he totally is.) * Or 5 times Even’s daughter wasn’t actually sick and 1 time she was.

(Find more in the tag linked above!)

–A

#answered #anonymous #even's pov

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moviegroovies · 5 years

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just realized i never wrote that interview with the vampire post i promised y’all, so here we go

first of all! i love it. just want to get that out there. like, 10/10 stars, would watch again, have watched again, almost twice, kind of planned to watch for a sort of fourth time tonight, might not. idk. it’s great!! it’s great both as a movie (i watched the movie first like a blasphemer) and as an adaptation of the book. actually, it’s a GREAT movie adaptation of that book, probably one of the best jobs i’ve ever seen of adapting a book into a screenplay and then getting it on film. as i said, i read the book after i watched the movie, and pretty much everything was adapted directly, even significant amounts of dialogue, to the point that it felt sort of like a novelization, if novelizations were perfect.

this is what i WISH novelizations were, actually. like, using it as an example isn’t fair because it was written before the movie, but as the kind of loser who has read novelizations (i payed. like 40 dollars for a ghostbusters one. and then like 2 bucks for a Different ghostbusters one which i haven’t read yet but don’t have high hopes for), this was what i always want them to be like. same plot, lots of the same dialogue (i HATE novelizations that try to make it their own by changing the dialogue slightly. i was reading that ghostbusters one and i don’t even think i had watched ghostbusters recently but i know the lines well enough that it threw me the fuck off when the author changed them. like if someone came into your house and moved all your furniture slightly to the left? that was what it felt like), but a few things that didn’t happen in the movie, too. deeper characterization, the kind of worldbuilding/character building you can’t really do in a limited time frame on screen. getting into the charater’s thoughts. using nuance. novelizations could totally be this! or at least i wish they were! basically what i’m saying is stay tuned for my unlicensed nuclear accelerator novelization of ghostbusters going up on this blog coming soon.

anyway, a thing i liked about it as an adaptation of the book was that it was always true to what anne wrote (and i think she did at least part of the script, although i heard the director did heavy edits on it), but there were some lines that weren’t in the book that improved the scenes imo! like the little exchange in the theater of vampires where louis is commenting on the vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires, and claudia responds “how avant garde.” it serves both to clear up what’s going on (since we don’t have the benefit of louis’ narration at this point in the movie) and to humanize them a little. most of the added dialogue did that, and that’s something i really like--especially that line as louis watches new orleans burn and thinks that lestat deserves his revenge. Loved that. and him getting to see the sunrise again through film? oof!!!! honestly i liked the ending of the movie more than i did the book, which makes me feel blasphemous. it seems like louis is just doing... better in the movie. i don’t want to give too many spoilers or anything, but in the book he ends up completely detached, and never gets that gay power moment of telling armand he’s not going to give up his pain and then leaving him, so What’s The Point. on a more positive note, another thing i liked was the “you used to eat rats?” exchange. that was a much needed cute family moment.

oh! and they put some stuff from the vampire lestat into this movie, too, which, again, i liked, or at least, i like now that i know that’s what was happening. lestat being able to read minds and louis not being able to. lestat only wanting to drink the blood of evil doers. a lot of the added stuff helped make lestat more sympathetic, which was a definite necessity. actually, tom cruise acted the hell out of that role, which was surprising. not really that he could act (i’ve seen things i liked him in) but that he could be lestat, a flamboyant vampire prettyboy. wasn’t tom cruise the one who punched someone for implying he was gay? idk.

actually, i was really surprised how gay this movie was for a movie starring tom cruise and brad fucking pitt. like, tell me before i watched it that those two were the stars and i would have been expecting (i was kind of expecting) the most no-homo rendition of the movie possible. and yeah, they toned it down a little from the book... but not that much. louis’ narration is a lot less overtly homo than lestat’s anyway, and brad pitt really fucking Nailed being louis.

(which i find hilarious, because while tom cruise apparently got really into the vampire chronicles while they were filming this and had all these opinions in like movie promoting interviews about how lestat was actually a good dude, and loved louis (smthn along those lines i skimmed the shit about this), which really came through in his characterization of lestat, brad read like, one chapter of the book and lost interest. i loved the book, myself, but what a fucking icon.)

that almost-kiss with armand at the end? also iconic.

really, the only sexual stuff they actually tuned down was the louis/claudia shit, which i’m all fucking for. like, claudia is a grown woman, but it’s still so awk in the book whenever she’s coming onto louis, especially considering how often he reaffirms that she’s his daughter. even worse when he comments on her sensuality, or when she kisses him.... ick. plus, kirsten WASN’T a grown woman, so that would have been really nasty if they kept it.

oh and christian slater!!! i didn’t know he was in this until i started watching it, and i was very excited to see him. that’s my heathers love talking. i was talking to my dad after i saw it and apparently river phoenix was supposed to play daniel before he died, and my dad thought he would have been a lot better for the role i guess, but personally i think slater really picked up the part. he also didn’t shy away from being a little homoerotic, especially toward the end. he got the part right. plus, heathers.

and i can’t gush about the actors without talking about kirsten dunst. she was 11 when she was in this (apparently her parents wouldn’t let her actually watch the movie when it came out, which, ha), but she absolutely conquered the part of the 60 year old woman in a child’s body. there were times when i actually forgot that she was just an eleven year old, because she was that good. the scene with the body in her bed isn’t in the book (not quite, although something else happens with claudia and leaving bodies around), and it’s one of the best in the movie imo. you can see lestat doting on her but not understanding her, you can tell why she would resent him, you can see her resentment and before she even snaps at him you can see that she’s an adult woman stuck inside a child (like that villain from batman the animated series--did anyone else think of that?), pissed off that she wants to be treated like the grown person she is but continues to be given dolls. also, there was some peak murder family moments in that scene, with louis standing there lowkey horrified. we never got the exchange with claudia telling louis that she’s going to kill lestat and him telling her Do Not Do This Thing, unfortunately, which was something i liked more from the book, but his concern and confusion in this scene kind of speak to that. you can especially tell that he still hasn’t realized that she’s grown--he’s seeing her the same way lestat is. aww.

so, i read the book and watched the movie in pretty quick succession, and i’m writing this a day after finishing the book and a few hours after my kind-of rewatch and about a week after the last time i saw it all the way through. my memory of both being pretty strong rn, there are only a very few things that i can think of which changed from book to movie outside of things necessary to take it to the screen and keep the movie from being like twelve hours. claudia is necessarily aged up from 5 to 11--it’s just practical, a 5 year old would not nearly have had the range that kirsten did for this. armand is changed from looking like a 17 year old redhead to antonio banderas (is it bad that i’m so uncultured that before this i only knew him as the dad from spy kids?), age 34, in a Really Bad black wig. (in general i’m all for banderas in the role, and he definitely acted it well, but what the FUCK was that costuming. why does his hair look like that. i digress but they did him dirty, especially considering how much Better everyone else looks as a vampire.) the subplot with lestat’s blind father living with him and louis at first is cut, which is kind of a shame imo. i really liked how on edge lestat was when begging louis to kill him (not as bad in context), how it kind of breaks the mask lestat tries to wear and shows that he’s confused and vulnerable and he really just doesn’t know much about being a vampire--that “and why should i know!” outbreak they put in did a good job of being the movie’s counterpart to that scene, however. the ending is changed a bit, altho i’ll leave the spoilers of how exactly up to your imagination. some things should stay sacred, right?

one thing i’m REALLY glad they added was louis freeing the slaves on his plantation. i think it was a nasty choice on behalf of anne rice to write her sympathetic, thoughtful protagonist as a slave owner in the first place, especially one who by his own admission didn’t see slaves as people for a long time, and it’s unfortunate to me that it had to be adapted in that way (although i don’t think ignoring that aspect entirely would have been a better movie solution), but the slaves were at least made free men before louis moved to new orleans. in the book, louis still burns the house, but he doesn’t free the people enslaved there, and he never reflects on that. fucked up if true, i guess. i blame mostly anne for that whole thing.

ooo, that scene with lestat killing the two prostitutes was good. it’s pretty much adapted word for word from the book, but the book doesn’t have the visual of tom cruise leaping over the coffin to sit on it while she’s in it, and that was one of the sexiest scenes i can remember. so.

just remembered at the last moment that i liked the “i’m going to give you the choice i never had” thing, both because it gives a little hint of lestat background (and makes him more sympathetic/adds to the whole breaking the mask thing that i like) and because they did a Very fucking good callback with it at the end.

there’s probably more about that movie that i have Opinions on, but when i remember them i’ll just have to make another post, ig. i will say tho? that last scene they added is so FUCKING good. cue up sympathy for the devil on my way out, will you?

#interview with the vampire #text post #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #claudia de lioncourt #every time i talk about two versions of a thing (like i did with heathers) and only one of the versions is a movie i feel #like i'm cheating by putting it on this blog #but lbr i can't put this kind of bullshit on my main #and it's movie centered #gafdhsgfjhdgfm sorry about that one sentence with Too Many Commas

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type2diabetestreatments-blog · 7 years

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Ask D'Mine: Confused by Menopause, Terrified of Hypos

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/ask-dmine-confused-by-menopause-terrified-of-hypos/

Ask D'Mine: Confused by Menopause, Terrified of Hypos

There's plenty to be scared of with diabetes, unfortunately. But airing and sharing your fears can help you feel a heck of a lot more empowered to face them. Today at our diabetes advice column Ask D'Mine, veteran type 1, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois is taking on menopause (no, really!) and a teenage type 1 who is living in fear of lows.

Need help navigating your life with diabetes? Email us at [email protected]

Nina from Nevada, type 2, asks: How does the onslaught of menopause affect your diabetes? Does menopause actually affect the diabetes or the other way around? I am curious because my whole body seems to be falling apart with this new phase of my life.

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: You know about circadian rhythms, right? The body's under-the-hood system for controlling sleep cycles? I personally suspect we also have a "falling apart" cycle that hits every ten years at 30, 40, 50, 60... I propose we call it the Everything-just-went-to-shit-cycle, or the EJWS Cycle for short.

But seriously, to answer your question: it seems that menopause effects the diabetes. It does so primarily by making your blood sugar control a complete train wreck, and there're three major mechanisms involved.

First, in ladies, the girl-hormones estrogen and progesterone help control insulin absorption by the body's tissues. In and after menopause, the changes in hormone levels can wreak havoc on your BGs, making them both more erratic and highly variable.

Lovely.

Second, some ladies put on weight during menopause. This matters a lot to you, Nina, 'cause you're a type 2. More weight = more insulin resistance. More insulin resistance = more meds needed to keep the blood sugar in check.

And, third, as if the first two weren't enough: hot flashes and night sweats screw up your genuine circadian rhythms, and sleep disturbances have been shown to mess up your blood sugar, too.

There's a great article on this issue over at Mayo Clinic, which calls diabetes and menopause A Twin Challenge. It covers all of this in much more detail, along with a few other things I didn't want to depress you with, like the fact you'll be even more likely to have yeast infections and bladder infections now than ever before. But be sure to see page two of this article, as they've got some tips to help you navigate this storm.

We also covered this issue in some detail here at the 'Mine back in June. Check it out: "Diabetes & Menopause: Not So Musical."

And you know, after digging into this for you, I'm really beginning to appreciate my Y chromosome...

Marina from California, type 1, writes: Hi, I'm 16 years old, and I found this website a couple of days ago. I have read many stories from many different people and it's helped me realize that I'm not the only one struggling with diabetes... eww... Anyways, I was diagnosed at age 11 and was doing great controlling my sugar up until a few years after that when I was alone and my sugar went down to 60 because I forgot to eat (dummy) and I got TERRIFIED! After that I have been having such a hard time having it normal. I just get scared because of the horrible shaky feeling when it's low... and I know that in a way having my sugar at 60 is better than 300, but I really need some support and advice from someone that understands what I'm going through and to tell me that "it's going to be OK, just drink some juice and you'll be fine." Sorry for writing a whole novel, but you seem like my last and only hope... please respond! Thanks.

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: Sorry, kiddo, I'm not going to tell you, "just drink some juice and you'll be fine." I'll bet a lot of people have already told you that. Like your parents. Your doc. Maybe your CDE.

I don't think one more voice will make a difference.

But I will say this — I. Totally. Get. It.

I understand where you're coming from. Lows are terrifying, particularly if you're alone. So. It's OK to be terrified. But you can't let that terror rule you. Or ruin your life.

What you need to do is manage your terror. Find a way to live in peace with it. Hey, lows are the cost of doing businesses on insulin. They will happen. No avoiding it. But remember that horrible shaky feeling of being low that you hate? That feeling is a blessing. A gift from the diabetes gods. It's nature's way of saving your bacon — by warning you that you're going dangerously low (some of us don't feel the warning signs!). Don't freak out and fear that feeling. Instead, rejoice when you feel it. It's the ultimate life insurance policy.

But, let's review some of our weapons against the terror you are feeling. First, you're wearing a medic alert, right? If you're gonna worry about passing out all alone, having a friendly note to the paramedics on your wrist is a good idea.

More importantly, how often are you checking your blood sugar? Lows are more likely at certain times of the day, generally in that three-to-four hour period after eating, or the time slot two hours after correcting a high BG. The best anti-low insurance is a proactive fingerstick. If you get into the habit of checking three hours after eating and two hours after correcting, you can head off a lot of trouble at the pass. Keep your active insulin in mind. Fast-acting insulin lasts 4 hours in most folks. So if you are at, say, 102, three hours after a meal, you've still got an hour of active insulin in your body. An hour of insulin that will send you low. You can grab that juice box now, instead of waiting for trouble to hit. And, yeah. I'll say it after all: Just drink some juice and you'll be fine. But I'm telling you to drink the juice before the low hits, so you don't get low at all.

What else can you do? Well, more prevention. You can sharpen your carb-counting skills. You can make sure your insulin-to-carb ratios and your insulin sensitivity are right for you. You can also make sure that you always carry some fast-acting carbs with you, like glucose tablets or raisins or a juice box, so you're always prepared.

You've grown quite a bit since you joined the family, and you're at an age where things change quickly. When was the last time your therapy was adjusted?

Bottom line here, it's OK to be scared. Lows scare all of us. But you can't let that fear rule and ruin your life.

After all, keeping your blood sugar high to avoid lows only opens the door to new terrors.

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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