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deardragonbook · 2 years

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I’ve been an author for one full year now

As of today, 31st of July. It’s been one full year since my debut novel Dear Dragon came out.

The thing people don’t tell you about going from writing a story behind closed doors to publishing it is sitting at the computer with the mouse hovering over the send button questioning every word you put down on paper up until that moment.

People tell you about how there is always more to be done, you can always do just one more draft, but eventually, you have to say “enough”, and move onto the next step. Deciding its time to put that story into the world is far more difficult than just editing one more draft.

I don’t know how many times you expect to read that story before publishing. I read mine well over twenty times. The amount of scenes that got lost or changed along the way.

Characters got left behind.

Whole plotlines got cut out.

The world grew ever bigger.

What once was going to be a standalone became a series and with the second book release just around the corner and third book already in its second draft, I struggle to remember how I got here.

Things get easier. That I can say. My first book took four years of polishing, my second book took a year and a half, perhaps one? I forgot to write down the starting date... and I prefer my second book to my first. I think it’s different, less actions, more characters moment, but I think it’s better. I think I’m a better writer. I think I’m more confident in my ability and I have better access to the tools I need.

I also haven’t seen anybody talk about all the things you’re going to need to learn to be an author, other than writing! And no, I don’t mean researching random topics. I mean, marketing, you need to market your book and that means understanding social media, that means being confident in front of a camera a lot of the time, it means speaking clearly; it means writing posts like these; it means being okay with rejection from people making fun of your appearance on YouTube to working for hours on a video that gets seven views... you also might want to learn how to manage your author website, how to make promotional material, how to take appealing photos of your book...

Or you might be able to afford to pay other people for all of that, in which case, good on you for creating work for others!

That’s a lot of things I’ve had to learn this past year and I like to think each book I publish is going to be better than the last and I’m going to be better and more prepared to deal with publishing and marketing.

Every year I learn more.

Being an author has been really difficult at times: when nobody bought a book or downloaded any of my freely available stories in like three months, it was demotivating and it felt like nobody was giving me a chance.

But I also had so many small moments that felt like I was on top of the world:

First books I sold.

First reviews.

My first five star review on Amazon which to this day I go back and read because it makes me feel more confident in my writing than anything else. Strangers pointing out everything I did right is just amazing.

The first time somebody commenting on one of my social media posts, had clearly read the book, and they reminded me, there are people in the world who have read this. This isn’t just my story anymore, other people get to experience it.

Looking for ARC readers for my second book and people actually signing up!

Someone messaging me to say they read and enjoyed my book.

Finding time to write between school and work and keeping my home clean and taking care of my health, it’s hard work.

Saving up every day of the year so I can afford the cover and the proof copies I need to be able to publish and market the next book in the series is exhausting.

But I don’t think there’s anything in my day to day life that make’s me happier than these stories, than the knowledge that they’re out there for others to read and all of those small moments I’ve listed above.

I’ve come to accept the industry is not lucrative for most indie-authors. It’s trend based and if what you write isn’t what the market is looking for at any given time, you’re writing mostly for yourself. It’s a difficult pill to swallow, but I love my stories enough to deal with that.

I’m not going to stop writing even if nobody is reading it. I think that’s what being passionate about something is about.

Anyway, to celebrate one full year since Dear Dragon’s release, you can actually get the ebook for free today (July 31st) or tomorrow (August 1st).

Get your free copy here.

I wanted to do more than talk about my feelings and give people the chance to read the book for free, but I couldn’t actually think of anything cool to do.

Especially with this summer, the heat is unbearable here in Spain and a lot of days I’m just fighting for breath.

Hopefully next year or sometime soon I’ll be able to find cool ways to celebrate this book and my passion for writing.

For now though, I have a lot of content on a lot of different sites. I have free stories to read and everything can be found here.

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fuzzimutt · 1 year

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*Returns from the Void?*

Hello. Happy New Year.

It’s been strange, lol. Twitter became my new base of operations for many years, but I kinda miss things here, y’know? This was always my favorite social media. I’m gonna try to post here again, audience or not.

I have also renamed my main and personal tumblr: TehMutt → JustFuzzi, just to keep things tidy. I haven’t gone by “teh Mutt” in quite some time anyway, lol.

So hey, how about a roundup of the past 6 years? LOL [TL;DR version: I’m two locations later; Did way more conventions for a bit; had a major health scare; currently trying to get back to doing what I love.]

[End of] 2017:

Moved to a place where I could have a dedicated studio. It was small, but awesome

Roster switch to new fursona: Fuzzi. She’s great. Art of her here. Relevant for branding things, lol.

2018:

Website launch! check out FuzziMutt.com! 🌐

Did Furry Weekend Atlanta, AnthroCon, and my first Midwest Furfest. (twitter posts linked.)

2019:

Bought this monster, learned many new tricks~

Did FWA2019, Megaplex2019, and MFF2019

Had a whole adventure with an awful job, rage quit, then was asked to come back for a different branch. 🙃

Attempted (and nearly completed!) an October Art Challenge.

2020:

You know. Not a great year for anyone, but hit a low point with disaster after disaster. Had to move again; lost my beloved pets 🌈, battled chronic health stuff that involved a tumor. There were no conventions, business slumped for all. Virtual cons are neat, tho.

New and current studio, tho. Biggest one yet:

2021:

The voidiest year. Still no conventions, I had to contemplate what to do with business.

Work was all-consuming and not healthy for me.

My health was not healthy for me battling continuing chronic issues.

2022:

Finally stuck it to my awful job, never to return to abusive corporate retail again if I can help it. Just in time, as my chronic health thing required surgery. It was not successful. This came back later.

Cautiously did FWA2022 out of necessity.

Started a great new job that would allow me the time to run business in earnest; excited planning!

Left Etsy for many reasons, but launched my own store right on my website, and finally got on instagram. 🤣

My biggest health scare. :( I had a cryptogenic stroke. The cause was complicated, but a lot of blame was on the meds I was taking for my tumor/chronic thing. That lead to another surgery to finally be tumor free. The damage was done tho. I’m okay physically outside of one-sided loss of strength, but my memory is a little affected and my ability to manage neurodivergent things.

Therapy is great and important.

I have been slowly trying to get back into things since, but new job took a weird turn and I find it eats up my energy as I navigate my new health status quo.

2023:

Hi. Here we are, lol.

My plans are getting back to business in earnest, with a possible day-job-change in the works. One of these days I’ll be stable enough to just sit and sew and make cute stuff, I swear. Anyway, I’ll be intermittently posting things lost in the void and probably keep referencing this post for a bit. Hello again if you are still here on tumblr, and hi, welcome for any newcomers.

#The VOID #where i've been #update

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ballplayersxo · 1 year

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I know this is kind of late, but I’ve been seeing people ask where to find tea on Kobe and Vanessa Bryant and there’s a really big pinned thread in the Conspiracy Theory Alley on LSA. You need an account to access that section of LSA and I haven’t been on the site in a while so I am not sure whether it’s still pinned. And before anyone comes at me about the fact that it’s located in the conspiracy theory alley, yes, the thread was originally created because people wanted to discuss conspiracies about his death, but a couple of pages in, it transitions into a tea/gossip thread. The only reason why I know about the conspiracy thread is because I wanted tea on them too and I originally went to the thread that used to be pinned in Celebrity News section of the site, but that thread was just filled with weirdo stans who did nothing but bitch about how the “other thread” (aka, the conspiracy theory thread) basically didn’t do a 180 and fall in line with the history revisionism that had been going on since the crash. If the thread is no longer pinned and you can’t find it by scrolling through the Conspiracy Alley, you should be able to find it just by typing it in the google search engine. If not, the mods got rid of the thread.

The thread has SO much tea from past and present. Some of the fonts on there were on OG LSA, when it use to have REAL tea about athletes and wags, since that was the original intention behind the website to begin with. They have screenshots of old tea and links to articles and videos. Someone posted screenshots of when VB was on LSA (with “Vanessa Bryant” as a username and all) and she used to talk mad crap about Ayesha, Savannah, and a bunch of other wags. Now, you could say that the font could be any random person, but that woman used to be wild as hell and responded to any and everybody on social media back then. She used to watermark her social media posts and used to make KB watermark everything he reposted from her account, so she was/is not shy about being messy and letting people know that it is HER that is being messy. She was also a self-hater. Someone posted a screenshot tweet from when she had Twitter and she claimed that she was Italian, German, and Irish knowing damn well she was just straight-up full on Mexican. Someone in that thread found a picture of her biological father and there’s no denying it. It’s now cool to be an exotical, especially Hispanic, which is why she now claims Mexican all the way. Someone posted an article from LA Times from a few years back where one of the head managers at a Jimmy Choo shoe store in LA condemned her for her nasty behavior at their store, especially towards his staff. LA Times would never post an article like that about her now because they, along with other media outlets are far up their ass. Someone also posted tea from another site about how construction was going on at the house next door and VB drives right into the construction lot with her Lamborghini and parks there. One of construction employees knocks on her door and asks her to move her car and she was basically really rude and dismissive towards them. She straight up said “no” when asked to move her car. There was a back and forth between them where she would slam the door in their faces after re-opening it and after being told that she would be fined, she just completely stopped opening the door. An assistant eventually came around, called KB who was at practice at the time and he too was apparently dismissive when told about the debacle and just agreed to pay the fine so he could hang up and go about his day. The construction workers ended up going home since they couldn’t work because VB’s parked her Lambo there and refused to move it. I also remember a new font came to the thread who claimed to be a cosmetic nurse at a plastic surgeon’s office in Orange County. She claimed that she hears gossip from other nurses and the doctor that she is awful and how they do not like her at all, but the check always clears. Someone in that thread also came across the USC subreddit, the university the oldest daughter is attending. She is majoring in film and apparently some of her classmates spilled tea that she is never in class but she is always at these Hollywood parties with her mother. They also made note of the fact that KB used to go to USC all the time to give “talks” to the students and athletes so it wasn’t going to be hard for her to get accepted into their film school, which is one of the highest ranking film schools and is not only notorious for being difficult to get into, but it is notorious for being a program filled with nepo-babies. I’m honestly not shocked about her *allegedly* never attending class because not did the classmates of former USC student, Olivia Jade, spill tea that she too was never in class but none of these rich kids actually care about college, they can easily get in based on either legacy, their family’s money, and/or their name and they just use their degrees as an accessory.These are just things off the top of my head. There’s a bunch of other tea in that very long thread that you can CHOOSE (for emphasis) to believe. Sorry for the overdrawn post, I won’t blame anyone for skipping this long read, including you owner. Thank you.

no anon this was a great read, thank you for sharing! but this is all just wow. i can def see a lot of this being true

#kobe bryant

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cosleia · 2 years

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I think sometimes about the fact that I am not a “fandom old” even though I am physically old, and what that means.

My online life started in the ’90s with chat rooms and learning to build websites. In the early 2000s I was part of a play-by-post role playing game (kind of a fandom, in that it was based on an anime…it was like writing fic) as well as a single regular fandom for a TV show.

We didn’t call it a fandom, though we may have referred to places as “fan sites”. Our activities mostly took place on individual people’s websites and forums.

I wasn’t familiar with fandoms and found a lot of the community norms and behaviors extremely offputting. There were some pretty gatekeepery people who seemed to be “in charge” of the fandom. I think I only participated in that community for a year.

I was also a member of IRC chat rooms about Star Wars and Robotech for many years. Those weren’t really fandoms; we discussed the media, but we also were just friends who chatted about life and other topics. Once I left the RPG and the TV show fandom, I wasn’t part of anything like fandom again for over a decade.

I spent the interim years in blogging communities and then on Twitter. I maintained my own website and read dozens of webcomics and spent a lot of time reading the news and other things of interest via RSS feeds.

In 2012 some guys decided they hated the idea of women existing on the internet, and so they started doxxing them and driving them out. My Twitter usage dropped considerably because I didn’t want to catch their attention. It was a really uncomfortable, unhappy time for me online. Eventually I remembered my Tumblr account, and I came over here more and more.

Then, in 2014, I became part of a fandom again: the Night Vale fandom.

Other than a few bad actors (kids who I have forgiven, as they were kids), this fandom was pretty great. There were lots of fics and art and headcanoning, and it was a lot of fun. I met some amazing people who are now lifelong friends, including someone I ended up dating for six years. It really just felt like a safe, fun place where I could be myself.

I’d loved Star Wars since I was a teenager, around the same time as the original Thrawn trilogy came out but not caused by that I don’t think. So when The Force Awakens came out I was tentatively excited. I didn’t expect much and I didn’t learn any spoilers, except that I got the impression Han died in it. I didn’t see it until after Christmas, so it had been in the theater for a bit.

It meant more to me than I ever imagined it would to see that lightsaber go to Rey, and from then on I was back in a galaxy far, far away. I ended up joining the kylux fandom in January of 2016, and I’ve been there ever since.

So I really haven’t had the storied fandom past others have. While I had a LiveJournal, I didn’t understand it and rarely used it. I read a few fics on FFN here and there, but I wasn’t a regular to the site.

The move off Tumblr to Twitter was DEVASTATING to me because I’d never gone through something like that before. I didn’t, and still don’t, like the idea of performing fandom for a global audience, which is how Twitter makes me feel. I like little communities of friends sharing things, which is probably why I tend to feel like a fandom old while not actually being one.

Now it looks like Twitter might radically change or just stop working entirely. And there really isn’t a place to go from there. Lots of people hate Tumblr, and the various new social media sites and services that have popped up all have problems. There’s no clear solution, and I hate it. I’m in the interesting position of being very emotionally affected by this, unlike fandom olds who seem to just be very “oh, this again” about it. But I am much older than the other people who are upset. I kind of feel alone.

But! I will just wait and see what happens. I’ll use Tumblr more, continue to use Twitter, and see if something else comes along that actually works for us. Fingers crossed. Hopefully the tired assuredness of the fandom olds will turn out to be correct.

#my posts #fandom history #wtf is going on #I have forgotten how to do a readmore #or they changed it

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christiewebb · 9 days

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Week # 13 Progress

It's been another exciting week over here as we received our fourth miniature bookshelf order! The interesting part about this is that it's a customer from my former small business. After posting about Itsy Bitsy Bookshop on the Instagram for my old business, one of my customers reached out and ended up placing an order. In terms of what has been working, I've been getting better at balancing time to create products and engaging on social media. Also, I'm finally putting aside time to work on themed bookshelves and some bookmarks which I am really motivated to complete and share. I’m also slowly adding more products to my Shopify product page which feels like good progress. What’s not working is the same as it’s been most weeks. My pre-loved books are not selling yet, despite using the website and introducing Blind Date with a Book. After much consideration, I decided to change my pricing strategy for used books. Newer titles, published in the last 10 years, will be $10 for paperbacks and $12 for hardcovers. All other titles published prior to 2014, including retro titles, will be $5 each. While this does deviate from my original plan, I think it’s the right decision. Itsy Bitsy Bookshop doesn’t have a brick-and-mortar store to offer the in-person browsing experience. I didn’t take this into account when I used status quo pricing. Additionally, flat-rate pricing also makes it easier to sell books at market without the logistics of pricing every single title. The project continues to move ahead well, despite some of the challenges I’ve faced. It’s hard to believe that our final assignment is due next week! Luckily, I have decided to continue running my small business and am officially registering it in Ontario. One of the things I’ve learned this past week about running a business is that flexibility is so important. Having a plan is critical, but being nimble and responding to changes is just as important. Although I haven’t had sales of any used books, I have been trying to do as much as I can to make this a viable part of the business. Even though this side of the business it might now work out in the end, I’m proud to say that I have continued to try for now and to give it a shot. What I have learned about myself this week is kind of related to the above. I am much more resilient that I thought. While it would be easy to just let go of the used books side of the business, I want to give it my best shot despite the initial challenges. I plan to continue being creative and finding new ways to promote these products. Only one week left in the course and I’m looking forward to what comes next for this little business.

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nickgerlich · 3 months

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A Share Of The Excitement

Things have been pretty sleepy in the stock markets the last couple of years. No, I am not talking about stock prices, because they have soared. I’m talking about IPOs, those huge media events that usually turn into feeding frenzies among the monied elite with cash to throw.

It’s just that there haven’t been any big splashes in the post-COVID era, until this week when Reddit finally went public. And I say “finally” because they have been around since 2005, and had been hinting at this move for a long time. Naturally, analysts were skeptical that what amounts to a 90s-style discussion board could generate interest.

But it did, opening at $47 a share, up significantly from the target $34 a share. It climbed even farther to $54, and settled in at $46 at yesterday’s closing bell. Not bad for a company that only had $804 million revenues last year. I know. That sounds like a lot of money, but among all the other tech darlings, that is chump change.

Naturally, there were some detractors. Since Reddit functions as a universe of communities headed by volunteer moderators, there has been push-back over the firm seeking to monetize the business. Remember, as with all the social media sites, the general public is the army of content creators, and Reddit, Meta, et al., wouldn’t be able to sell ads if there weren’t eyeballs hungry for that content. Reddit even offered its top moderators and users the chance to buy in on the IPO, which is usually a gated party.

This is much more than us realizing that “if it’s free, then you are the product.” No, we are also the creators of that product. It’s a hell of a deal for the sites, who basically just have to make sure everything keeps running smoothly. The stickiness factor is up to us.

While Reddit started selling ads in 2006, it did not invest in advertising technology until 2018. That’s another way of saying they had no clue what their business model was, other than to be a popular hangout spot for geeks, nerds, and techies. But now they have at least some semblance of a revenue plan, even though they have not posted a profit in their entire existence.

That’s all going to change, though, because investors won’t be having it for long. Expect to see more ads, as well as screw tightening at HQ to trim expenses. That $748 million cash they raised in the IPO wasn’t a donation, you know.

But this may be pretty easy to pull off, once you consider that, as of February this year, Reddit is the third-most visited website in the US, behind Google and YouTube. That’s a lot of eyeballs, even if it is a distant third to the two Alphabet properties.

The content on Reddit has evolved greatly over the years, expanding from esoteric topics to include all manner of things, like home repairs, TV show fandom, and much more. While I find a lot of the discussions both informative and entertaining, I must also say that sometimes the threaded nature of it all can make for tedious navigating.

Still, I too am encouraged by this IPO, maybe not as much from a macro-financial perspective, but rather that social media is still able to muster up investor excitement. It has been a while since anyone went public, like Snapchat in 2017. If TikTok is forced to break away from its Chinese parent ByteDance, I could see them having a successful IPO as well. Reddit may very have primed the pump for this to happen.

Here’s hoping that Reddit can keep its user base and especially its most influential moderators content while it figures out a way to make money. As we know, change is often met with resistance. While there is no other reasonable facsimile of Reddit for the discontented to flee to, that’s not to say a rival couldn’t be created. For those of us on Facebook and Insta, we’ve grown accustomed to—and admittedly a little weary of—ads roughly every sixth frame down the scroll.

And yet we come.

I offer a round of applause to Reddit for pulling off what some said couldn’t be done. The ball is now in their court to show Wall Street they have what it takes to make money.

Dr “Take My Money, Please” Gerlich

Audio Blog

#marketing #Reddit #IPO

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impossiblemakerfire · 8 months

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Bobby Rio The Scrambler System Reviews - Is Unlock The Scrambler Real

In this article about Unlock The Scrambler System Reviews -The Scrambler Technique 9 Words - Is Unlock The Scrambler Legit? You look up the "Secret Approach" to using the scrambler's power to make any girl love you, be obsessed with you, and beg you to stay with her all the time. Unlock the scrambler device or you'll get the scrambler unlock her legs pdf Is there anything worse than lying in bed and watching YouTube videos while your wife or female friend watches an ad with a jerk talking about how it's easy to Jedi Mind Trick women into sleeping with you so you can start gambling? The machine that makes these bad ads is called The Scrambler, and it's a rip-off. The Scrambler might be the worst scam out of all the trashy hookup losers who want to put ads on YouTube. We're long past the Christian Hudson and The Social Man scam, and even though this one is bad, at least it tries to treat women like people. The Scrambler is definitely disgusting. Set the scrambler free. If you haven't seen the terrible YouTube ads for this stupid service, they show a man telling you about a device that can mess up a woman's mind and make her want to have sex with you. No, for real. This scam is all about that. *Click here right now to buy the Unlock The Scrambler app and get the seven free bonuses* How about Marni Kinrys, The Wing Girl Method, and the F Formula? Are they real? https://www.youtube.com/embed/4hh_-FATxCM

The Real World of Scrambler

These people should not mess with C.T. Before we move on to other games, can we talk about Bobby Rio and Rob Judge, the people who made The Scrambler? How are those going to help a guy get girls to like him? They look and talk like they walked off the set of The Real World from 1998 to 2001. Then again, when you look at and learn more about these big machines, this makes a lot of sense. The scrambler set her feet free, Everything that makes The Scrambler so appealing came from a college frat house twenty years ago. The idea that interacting with women is a measure of success, the idea that every interaction with a woman must end in a bang, and the idea that it's possible to rip off guys with low self-esteem all come from a few bros on Greek Row around the year 2000. The Obsession Method is a rip-off, and Kate Spring is the worst online dating coach.

What does The Scrambler scam promise to do for you?

The Scrambler promises to teach you the skills you need to stop being a nice guy and drop those pants by using proven psychology, which may or may not be true. Everyone who has studied psychology knows that no two people are the same, so it's not possible to make a one-size-fits-all device that works on all women. But you can't let something like common sense get in the way when you're walking a rip-off. Here's the thing: the two people walking away from each other are real. The Scrambler are sure that their machine works. Release the scrambler pdf free download, That's because the idea in their common knowledge comes from something they may have learned in an Introduction to Psychology class while they were in college. , the two people behind the scam don't know anything else about these numbers, especially since they didn't pay much attention to the rest of the semester or get any more psychology training. The scrambler liberate pdf,pass Let the scrambler go. Instead, you're looking for a program that is based on what some fraternity brothers learned in their first-year psychology class, with some fake lower-back stories added to make them seem more real. The Scrambler Method nine Words - Unlock The Scrambler System Reviews Is Unlock The Scrambler a real product? What you're not getting for free is something else. The scam is made even worse by the fake reviews posted on their bad website. In the detail, there are a few reviews from older people talking about how a good deal poisons their way to The Scrambler. Get that noise the hell out of here. Let the scrambler.Com go.

Reviews of The Scrambler that are completely normal1 of 2

Can Master Wang really draw your soulmate? This is another scam.

When you buy The Scrambler system, what do you get?

For $79, you get seminar recordings, workbooks, an eBook, a few videos, and a bunch of "bonus" materials, including a pamphlet called "The Secret Texting Technique." That looks like something you can't miss. The funniest thing is that these tools try to say that everything they are selling is worth $1,760. Where in the world is that even a little bit possible? All these things are full of Bobby and Rob's deep cuts. One of my pieces of advice is that while you're telling a woman something, you should say that you love a song that's funny while she's laughing. All the things that The Scrambler scam claims to cover are already available online for free. All it takes is a Google search with a problem and a list of good ways to start a conversation. Yeah, it is that smooth and doesn't feel like a big deal. Plus, most of the information will come from a lot more reliable sources. And if you want to try to bang women with a shady system, the D.E.N.N.I.S. System from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia would give you a better chance. That one is as gross as that one, but at least it's free. More Scams: Commission Hero is standard crap and doesn't do art work.

Here's how you can pretty much pick up girls:

You start by not buying a device that says it will teach you how to mess with a girl's mind. Even more so when you keep in mind that every woman is different. This kind of device is impossible to make inside the first place. Losers selling you tricks to control your mind through YouTube ads are like the people who sold you those cheap X-Ray glasses in comic books. No matter how bad you want it to be, it's not going to happen. Anyway, when it comes to women, there are two clear paths you could take. The first one is to be yourself and find a woman who likes you for who you are. With all the dating apps out there these days, it's pretty easy to find someone who wants to be with you and not watch you play a tacky early 2000s cool animated movie of a douchebag. Of course, if that $79 is burning a hole in your pocket and you need to bang, you can go all the way down to the nearby massage parlor and get an uncooked dog, a masseuse, or something. Even this is more impressive than buying The Scrambler device. Another one: Water is wet, ice is cold, and the Shogun Method is a scam. Hey, guys and girls, In this short review of Bobby Rio and Rob Judge's product, Unlock The Scrambler Review, I'll tell you what it is, if it works, and what its pros and cons are. So keep reading Unlock The Scrambler Review to the end. Unlock is the name of the item. The Scrambler or took the weight off her leg. Bobby Rio and Rob Judge own the product. There are videos, audios, and ebooks for the product. Is there an actual plan: No, digital layout great *Go to the website for the product: * *Click here to go to the real website for Unlock The Scrambler. * Risk: No, Unlock The Scrambler product is run by Clickbank.com, which is the best and most trusted and safest marketplace in the world, and you can return it (and get your money back) for 60 days. Is there a bonus or a deal? : Yes, there are seven bonuses that include free software to unlock the scrambler. "Click here right now to buy the Unlock The Scrambler software and get the seven free bonuses."

What is the software Unlock The Scrambler:

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gedpracticetest · 2 years

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beamporch25 · 2 years

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Composing With Spin - Making Your Readers Pleased With Bad News

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sineala · 3 years

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How would you say fandom culture has changed over the years? What are some differences you notice between older and younger fandom folks?

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to answer this, and I’m not sure I have a really good answer, but I’m going to try.

I’ve been in fandom since approximately 1995. Maybe 1994. At that point, the world wide web was a relatively new part of the internet, and the fandoms I was in had most of their activity on privately-hosted mailing lists (predating eGroups/OneList/Yahoo Groups) and on Usenet newsgroups, with fiction beginning to be available on websites as part of either fandom-specific or pairing-specific archives as well as authors’ individual pages. Fanfiction.net did not yet exist. LiveJournal did not exist. AO3 definitely did not exist. If you wanted real-time chat, there was IRC. I was coming in basically at the tail end of zine fandom; zines were no longer the only way of distributing fanfiction, as fandom started to move online. So I have a selection of zines from 90s-era Western media fandoms but even by then zines weren’t where I was doing most of my reading.

I think in terms of generally “what it was like to be in fandom,” the big-picture stuff hasn’t changed. Fandom still produces creative fanwork and likes to, y’know, get together and talk about fandom. Also, almost every fight or complaint that fandom has about something is a thing that has been going on for actual years. People complain that, say, the kudos button is ruining comment culture because back in the LJ days the only way you could comment on a story was, well, by leaving an actual comment, or sending an email on a mailing list, and this might mean that people who would have otherwise commented have left a kudos instead. But back in the LJ and mailing list days, people were complaining that commenting was going downhill since the days of zines, when in order to comment on a story you had to write a real paper letter and mail it and because you had to do that, the quality of feedback was so much better than you got nowadays because people could just dash off a quick email or comment. You get the idea. Top/bottom wars are not new either. Pairing wars are not new. If you’ve been in fandom a while, you will pretty much have seen all the fights already. I think one thing that is new, though, is the fandom awareness of things like privilege and intersectionality and various -isms, as well as things like “providing warnings might be nice” (do you know how much unwarned deathfic I have read? a lot!) and I sure won’t say we’re perfect at any of this now, but I think fandom is trying way way more about all that stuff than it used to.

There are some fights we actually don’t have anymore, as far as I can tell. I feel like it’s been years since I’ve seen the “real person fiction is wrong” battle, but also I don’t hang out in a whole lot of RPF fandoms, so it’s possible that’s still going and I just don’t see it.

There also used to be a recurring debate about whether gay relationships that were canonical were slash or not. When slash started, obviously this wasn’t a question because there weren’t canonical gay relationships in fandoms, period. But as gay characters began to appear in media, people started to wonder “does slash mean all same-sex relationships, or does slash mean only non-canonical same-sex relationships?” Now, you may be reading this and think that sounds like an incredibly weird thing to get hung up on, but that’s because what appears to have happened is that the term “ship” (originally from X-Files Mulder/Scully fandom) has, as far as I can tell, come up and eaten most of the rest of the terminology. Now people will just say, “oh, I ship that.” For any pairing, gay or not, canonical or not. Fandom seems to have decided that for the most part it no longer actually needs a term specific to same-sex relationships as a genre.

Similarly, there are a few genres of fic that we used to have also pretty much don’t exist anymore. There are also plenty of genres that are well-entrenched now that are also extremely recent -- A/B/O comes to mind. But there are some kinds of fic we don’t write a lot of now. Like, I haven’t seen smarm in years! I also haven’t seen We’re Not Gay We Just Love Each Other in a while. There was also a particular style of slash writing where you’d basically have to explain, in detail, what made you think that these particular characters could be anything other than straight. You’d have to motivate this decision. You’d have to look at their canonical heterosexual relationships and come up with a way to explain why all those had happened in order to reconcile how this one guy could have romantic feelings for another guy. When had he figured out he wasn’t straight? Who might he have been with before? How does he interact with people in ways that make you think he’s not straight? That kind of thing. You had to, essentially, show your work. And these days a lot of fanfic is just like, “Okay, Captain America is bisexual, let’s go!” It’s... different.

Fandom also used to skew older, is my sense. A lot older. I don’t know, actually, if it really was older, but I get the sense now that there are some younger people who are surprised that adults are still in fandom. I have seen people saying these days that they think they’re too old for fanfiction because they are not in middle school anymore. And I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that the barriers to access fandom are a lot lower than they used to be. You used to basically have to be an adult with disposable income (or know an adult with disposable income who was willing to help you out; but even then if you were reading explicit fiction you also had to swear you were 18+, usually by sending in an age statement to whoever you were buying the zine from or to the mods of the list you wanted to join, so a lot of fandom was very much age-gated). Internet access was not widely available. Even if you had internet access, you maybe didn’t have your own email address, so you couldn’t sign up for mailing lists; free email providers didn’t exist. If you wanted to buy zines, you had to have money to buy them. If you wanted to go to cons, you had to be able to afford the cost of the con, travel to the con, et cetera. If you wanted to have a website you had to know HTML. Social media did not exist. You want to draw art? Guess what, you’re probably drawing it on paper! You might be able to upload a picture to your website if you have a digital camera or a scanner, but both of those things are expensive, and also a lot of people don’t have the capability or the money to download pictures from the internet (some people have data caps with overage charges, and some people have text-only connections!), so they won’t get to see it. Maybe you can sell your piece at a con! You want to make a fanvid? We called them songvids, but, anyway, you know how you’re doing that? You’re going to hook two VCRs together and smash the play and record buttons very fast! If you want anyone else to watch them, you are either making them a tape personally and mailing it to them or bringing your vids to a convention. Maybe you can digitize them and upload them, but it’s going to take people hours to download them!

(Every three hours my ISP would kick me off the internet and I’d have to dial in again. If it was a busy time of day, it might take me 20 or 30 minutes to get a connection again. And that was assuming no one else in the house needed to use the phone line. Imagine if your modem went out every three hours now.)

And now, for the cost of my internet connection, I can read pretty much whatever fanfiction I want, whenever I want it. I can see all the fanart I want! I can watch vids! Podfic exists now! Fanmixes exist! Gifsets and moodboards exist! If I want to write fic I can write it with programs that are completely free, and as soon as I post it everyone in the entire world can read it. If I want to draw or make vids that may require some additional investment, but I may also be able to do it with things I already have. Do you have any idea how good we all have it?

There are a couple of kinds of fan activity that don’t seem to exist anymore, though, and I miss them. I know that roleplaying still goes on, but I feel like these days most people who do real-time text roleplay have switched to things like Discord. I know that in the LJ days, RP communities were popular. But I really miss MU*s (MUDs, MUSHes, MOOs, MUXes..), which were servers for real-time text-based RP with a bunch of... hmm... features to aid RP. There were virtual rooms with text descriptions, and objects in virtual rooms with descriptions, and your character had a description, and they could interact with the objects as well as with other characters, and you could program things to change descriptions or emit various kinds of text or take you to different rooms, and so on. Just to, y’know, enhance the atmosphere. It was fun and it was where I learned to RP and I’m sad they’re pretty much gone now.

I also don’t think I see a lot of fanfiction awards in fandoms. Wonder where they went.

Going back to the previous point, the barriers to actually consuming the canon you are fannish about are way, way, way lower now. You can pretty much take it for granted that if right now someone tells you about a shiny new fandom, there will be a way to read that book or watch that show or movie right now. Possibly for free! Of course you can watch it! Why wouldn’t you be able to?

This was absolutely, absolutely not the case before. I’m currently in Marvel Comics fandom. If there is a comic I want to read, I can read it right now on the internet. I have subscribed to Marvel Unlimited and I can read pretty much every comic that is older than three months old; the newer ones cost extra money. But I can do it all from the comfort of my own home right now. I was also, actually, in Marvel Comics fandom in the nineties. If I wanted to read a comic, I had to go to a comic book store and hope they had it in stock; if they didn’t, I had to try another store. Not a lot of comics were available in trade paperback and they definitely weren’t readable on the internet. I used to read a lot of Gambit h/c fic set after Uncanny X-Men #350. I never found a copy of UXM #350. I still haven’t! But I did eventually read it on Unlimited.

Being in TV show fandoms also had similar challenges. Was the show you were watching still on the air? No? Then you’d better hope you could find it in reruns, or know someone who had tapes of it that they could copy for you, otherwise you weren’t watching that show. It was, I think, pretty common for people to be in fandoms for shows they hadn’t seen, because they had no way to see the show, but they loved all the fanfic. The Sentinel had a whole lot of fans like that, both because I think it took a while for it to end up in reruns and because overseas distribution was probably poor. So you’d get people who read the fic and wrote fic based on the other fic they’d read, which meant that you got massive, massive amounts of fanon appearing that people just assumed was in the show because it was a weirdly specific detail that appeared in someone’s fic once. Like “Jim and Blair’s apartment has a small water heater” (not actually canonical) or “Blair is a vegetarian” (there’s an episode where his mother visits and IIRC cooks him one of his favorite meals, which is beef tongue).

Like, I was in The Professionals fandom for years. I read all the fic. I hadn’t seen the show. As far as I know, it never aired in the US, and it certainly never had any kind of US VHS or DVD release. I’d seen a couple songvids. I eventually saw a couple episodes in maybe 2003, and that was because my dad special-ordered a commercial VHS tape from the UK and paid someone to convert it from PAL to NTSC. I didn’t get to see the whole show until several years later when I got a region-free DVD player someone in fandom sent me burned copies of the UK DVD releases and then I special-ordered the commercial release of the DVDs from the UK myself. But if I were a new fan and wanted to watch Pros right now? It is on YouTube! For free!

I think also one of the things about fandom that’s not immediately evident to new fans is the way in which it is permanent and/or impermanent. There are probably people whose first fannish experience is on Tumblr or who only read fanfic on FFN and who have no idea what they would do if either site, say, just shut down. But if you’ve been in fandom a while, you’ve been through, say, Discord, Tumblr, Twitter, Pillowfort, Imzy, DW, JournalFen, LJ, GeoCities, IRC, mailing lists. And sure, if Tumblr closed, it would be inconvenient. But fandom would pack up and move somewhere else. You would find it again. It would, eventually, be okay. Similarly, if you’ve been in a lot of fandoms, if you’ve made a lot of friends, drifting through fandoms is like that. You’ll make a friend in 1998 because you were in the same fandom, and then you might go your own ways, and ten years later you might be in another fandom with them again! It happens.

But the flip side of that is that I think a lot of older fans have learned not to trust in the permanence of any particular site. If you like a story, you save it as soon as you read it. If you like a piece of art, you save it. If you like a vid, you save it. Because you don’t know when the site it’s on will be gone for good. I have, like, twenty years of lovingly-curated fanfic. And I feel like people who have only been in fandom since AO3 existed might not understand how much AO3 is a game-changer compared to what we had before. It’s a site where you can put your fic up and you don’t have to worry that the webhost is going out of business, or that the site might delete your work because they don’t allow gay fiction or explicit fiction or fiction written in second person or fiction for fandoms where the creator doesn’t like fanfiction, or whatever. Because all of those things have absolutely happened. But, I mean, I still save pretty much everything I like, even on AO3, just in case.

So, basically, yeah, fandom is a whole lot more accessible than it used to be. I think fandom is pretty much still fandom, but it’s a lot easier to get into, and that has made it way more open to people who wouldn’t have been able to be in fandom before. There is so, so much more now than there ever was before, and I think that’s great.

#Anonymous #replies

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treybriggsthewriter · 4 years

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This makes me nervous, but I’m going to post it. I’m going to try my best to achieve my goals. I’ve put in a ton of work already, so I’m looking for additional help.

From the campaign:

My name is Trey Briggs, and I'm a black woman who writes paranormal horror, speculative fiction, and other types of fiction. You can find my stories at MaybeTrey , Astrid the Devil , and on Instagram , Medium , and Wattpad .

My stories are aimed at black people who want to read dark stories that focus on original black characters that are complex and interesting. I genuinely believe Black audiences deserve a variety of genres to delve into, and I want to introduce them to paranormal horror, dark romance, and fantasy that they haven't gotten enough of in the past. I also believe that this can be done across multiple mediums, and I spend my money with black creative professionals to make these experiences extend beyond my words. For the last two years, I've run my stories on sites and Instagram to great reception. I like to craft complex experiences that offer looks at character backgrounds, side and backstories, full websites for each title, and more. I also provide encyclopedias, maps, audio journals, and other ways to get into each world. During these last few years, I've run into a lot of walls, jumped a lot of hurdles, and tried my best. I've worked with amazing black artists, voice actors, and actresses, musicians, designers, and more. I trust my ability to run a project, especially when it comes to planning and finding talent. My overall goal is to run a team of black creatives that crafts novels, graphic novels, audio experiences, and animated series for a dedicated audience.

Why I Need Help Long story short: I have the skill, I have the marketing/website building/business experience, and I have the drive. There's a lot I can do on my own, but there's also a lot that gets left behind because I don't have the money I need to proceed at a steady pace. I need help with funding so I can focus, hire the right people, and craft these stories the way they deserve to be crafted. I have thus far spent over $60,000 of my own money on my projects over the past two years - the writing and site-building are easy for me; the rest has to be hired out. I have art, site costs for hosting, domains, templates, specific plugins, and maintenance, audio (and vocal artists to pay), musical, and editing costs. I'm by no means rich or even particularly financially stable. I have taken on tons of extra clients for my digital marketing business, transcribed hundreds of hours of audio for dirt cheap, and taken out personal loans. I even worked a second full-time job along with my full-time business last year to afford to produce the content I love. It's starting to take a toll on my mental health. I plan on continuing to fund these projects out of pocket (and finding ways to do so), but having financial help, however big or small, would allow me to move a lot faster and with less stress. It would let me flesh out ideas and concepts that I have had to scrap because I can only physically handle so much extra work. I run a full-time marketing business from home, homeschool my autistic 10-year-old, and generally have a busy life. Some of the strain is taking a toll on me, and I don't want to give up. Having some financial backing could allow me to drop a client or two after a few months and focus on the work I love to do.

How You Can Help I mainly need a start—a sort of base. I want to emphasize that I plan to continue to provide the main bulk of funding for my projects. I know my goals are ambitious, and I know each step will take time and money. I welcome any help to make the process smoother and to get around the initial hurdles. I'd like to have ebooks and novels offered on my site by the end of the year (along with the free serials and stories). Funding means that I can broaden the projects, include more free aspects to my sites, and secure direct financing through sales of ebooks and audiobooks sooner. It also means that I can offer MORE stories, whether they are online only or fully fleshed out novels and sites. I am swamped with trying to work enough to cover all my bills and creative projects, so I lose a lot of time I could spend plotting and writing. If I have better funding, I can get my stories out quicker (and with fewer mistakes).

The Initial Stories Let's talk about my stories! If you're familiar with my work already, you can skip to the next section. My main story site is Maybe Trey . Currently, I have two big titles and a bunch of smaller ones that I am seeking help with funding: Astrid the Devil

Astrid the Devil is the complicated story of a girl who inherits not only her family's features and DNA, but their fears, struggles, and fights. It's the story of a condition called Devil Syndrome, the women who suffer it, and the monsters that devour them. It's the story of the fight to save the people you love at the expense of innocent lives. At its core, Astrid the Devil is the story of a woman who inherits the chaos of three generations before her. It's a look at what is truly passed down to our children, and how they're left to fight our battles in the aftermath of our failures. It's the tale of an indescribable monster and the women who struggle to defeat it. It's a journey into how their every decision could save or destroy an entire world. Astrid the Devil is the story of Astrid Snow, but her story can't be told without the story of the women before her.

Vicious: On MaybeTrey and The Vicious site (in progress)

Somewhere, a war is brewing. That's the only thing that's for sure to Junnie Gorton, a young horned girl suffering from a debilitating disease called Horn Rot. She typically dealt with her low survival rate and abnormally large horns by escaping the world with her best friend, Lewish. Now she's forced to figure out which side is which, save her entire species, and find out the truth behind the sudden uprising in her home. Horn Rot, a highly contagious and violent disease spreading through horned people, is causing mass amounts of madness and death. Normal horns grow in ways that will pierce, suffocate, and maim their owners, and the only one who can stop it is Junnie's mother, Lyria. As Lyria falls deeper and deeper into an anti-social revolt, the country reels. While Junnie broods, her entire species must prepare for mass extinction. Her brother plots with a group of people with less than good intentions and Lewish is quieter than usual. In a civilization brought up on extreme violence and competition, Junnie and Lewish try their best not to get swallowed by their culture, their lives, or their horns.

Bunni and Bosque :

Bunni lives. Bosque dies. We all know how this story starts. Bunni is obsessed with destruction and death. She comes from the healthiest Horned family in her country. She's from the oldest, purest bloodline in the world. And she's bored with it. Bunni spends most of her time trying to escape her duties as a pureblood. She wants things dirty, messy, foul, inconsistent. Having parents that are willing to kill to keep their bloodline pure is annoying. Knowing that she'll live a long, full life, produce more perfect children, and die unscathed is agonizing. Bunni wants something to mourn. We all know how this story ends. Bosque is destined to die an agonizing death, alone on his family's land. He's watched everyone he loved and grew up with perish. Sometimes it was because of their disease. Sometimes it was because of the malice and hatred of others. While he's absolutely withdrawn and satisfied with his life, Bosque has never had a chance to live it. He spends his days basking in the sun, bathing in wood baths, and contemplating the end. Bosque isn't interested in joining the rest of the world. He'd rather die out, alone, where his family belonged. Bosque wants to go peacefully. But neither expected to meet each other one day in a supermarket. Neither expected to fall in love, lust, and every vicious and dirty thing between. Neither expected to be so right for each other, all while being wrong for everyone else. You know the end of this story. Bunni lives, Bosque dies. But maybe something will change.

My smaller titles, Bunni and Bosque /Aite and Jude, can be found at Maybe Trey .

The Business Plan

The initial phase of my business plan is to get the sites populated with ebooks and audiobooks for sale. I also have prints that can be sold. Right now, I am in the audience-building phase while I save up for editing the full novels.

In terms of an actual business with which to publish the stories, I already have a registered publication company in Illinois: Wolfless Studios LLC. I took this step earlier this year with plans to self-publish Astrid and Vicious. So that is paid for and done.

I have also gotten initial editing done on the first six chapters of Astrid, though it will need to be edited from the beginning again once everything is said and done. I've spent over $1000 on that so far, and it would go a lot faster if I didn't need to save up to edit each chapter.

Astrid the Devil is fully plotted, outlined, and only needs the last three chapters. Bunni and Bosque and Vicious are newer, but plotted and already deep into character development (all being shared across social and Wattpad for audience growth). Aite and Jude and other shorts are plotted, and three other unshared stories are plotted and at the editing phase.

Other costs and ways I would use the funding (I would still put in my own money and do as much on my own as possible):

Initial $30K

$6000 - $7000 Line and Copy edits for Astrid (currently at 250000+ words/expecting over 300000 at $0.02 rate)

$6000 - $7000 Line and Copy Edits for Vicious

$3000 - $4000 Line and Copy Edits for Bunni and Bosque

ISBN Purchases (Separate ISBN for each format for each book) - https://www.myidentifiers.com/identify-protect-your-book/barcode

Covers for Astrid/Vicious/B&B Print Versions

Site Hosting Costs and Maintenance for 2 Years

Site completion for all stories

Initial store and app development

40K - Marketing and Graphic Novels

Social, Print, and Web ads

Email Marketing Campaigns

Booths at Decatur Book Festival (depending on COVID)

Social ads and promos

50 to 60 pages

First two chapters offered as free promo with email sign-ups

Audio journals for each character

Situational audio journals

Encyclopedia for Astrid (finishing up)/Vicious

65K - Hires and Next Phases

Ability to hire a Full-Time Editor

Audio Series for each (professionally done)

Vicious Graphic Novel

Additional Title Added

Short animations for both Vicious and Astrid (with plans to fund more with book sales)

Fleshed out Story Sections (Novellas for each character of each series)

Short comic series with Astrid and Vicious side characters

Possible to plan out monthly subscription service with new stories and 'story package' deliveries

75K -

Astrid the Devil Graphic Novel

Vicious Graphic Novel

Astrid the Devil Animated Short

Ability to hire part-time Web Developer

Additional bigger title

Anything Over - I ascend into pure light. And also, I can add titles, cover more mediums, and eventually expand my publishing to other black creatives.

From there, I should be able to handle the funding via sales of books, comics, audio, and more. Again, I will always offer mostly free content across the sites.

I believe in proof of concept, and I have diehard fans on my social platforms. With no outside funding, I've been able to a lot on my own. I'd love to expand my business into one that does the same for other black authors, artists, voice actors, and animators somewhere down the line.

Thank you so much for your consideration. I appreciate all my readers, present and future, and I appreciate any help!

See incentives and more on the actual campaign: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-trey-publish-black-paranormal-horror-stories

Thank you so much!

#support black authors #writeblr #support black creators #black creators #original characters #original story #donate #buy black #black businesses #my writing #Astrid the Devil #Vicious #Bunni and Bosque #Aite and Jude #Trey Briggs the Writer #paranormal horror #speculative fiction #gofundme

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lubdubsworld · 3 years

Text

Better Man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~`Just to see you smile, I’d do anything. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taehyung x Oc

Rated 18 +

Post Divorce, Getting Back Together, Second chances, Angst.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Do you ever truly know what someone is feeling?

You could spend decades , breathing the same air, hands held , your fingers brushing ....connected physically and even mentally but a person’s emotions, they’re hidden away.

You only ever know what they’re willing to show .

And yet,

all of us build relationships, convinced that we know exactly what the other person will feel when we act a certain way. Buying her flowers will make happy....visiting him at work will take away that little bit of stress.

But sometimes, what we think someone feels, may not be what they truly feel.

And that’s when your actions, well intended actions..... end up with disastrous consequences.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So....last night...” Jungkook’s teasing voice did nothing to ease the pounding in my head.

“I do believe you promised not to tease me about it if I drank two glasses of water, which I did by the way.” I told him firmly, trying to bring the words on my planner into focus as i squinted. Three meeting. Each two hours long.

kill me now.

“I wanted to ask HR to give you the day off but you have quite a schedule today. “ He said casually, leaning over me to peer into the planner . I glanced at his wrist resting on the table, the expensive rolex showing that it was a little past 9.

“ We’re planning out the Christmas campaign first and I have a meeting with Taehyung’s team in the afternoon so we can go over the contract see if they have any requirements and then the social media team in the evening at four to discuss promos and revamping the website.” I glanced up at him.

He gave me a smile before casually leaning down, lightly gripping my chin and tilting my face up. I felt the brush of his lips against mine, fleeting and gentle.

‘You’re beautiful.” He smiled.

I blinked.

And then took a deep breath.

“Your wife...” I said softly. “ I saw her today.”

Jungkook went completely still at that.

“She was waiting in the lobby on my way up. I didn’t know who you were married to and I was a little shocked and also little upset because....” I glanced at him. “ She was my best friend in college. “

Jungkook swore.

“Fuck.. I told her to stay the fuck away from my company. Did she say something to you?”

i shook my head.

“I didn’t greet her because I wasn’t sure if she remembered me. And I wasn’t sure if i was remembering her right. i didn’t know she was your wife till i heard someone mention it in the elevator on my way up. Did you know that she and i knew each other?”

Jungkook looked just a little guilty.

“When you first joined the company, she saw your resume on my cvomputer. told me a lot about you. She remembers you. Fondly. She wanted to come meet you but...things happened. “ He shrugged.

Things like infidelity and divorces .

“Ahh...” I smiled. “ Tell me i wasn’t another way to get back at your ex wife, Jeon Jungkook ssi...”

He made a noise of protest.

“no... No of course not Christ...it’s just...I’ll admit she made me curious about you. She spoke of you being spontaneous and fun and wild and I’d seen you as this demure, elegant woman in the office. i was curious. I wanted to know which one was the real you. “

“Were you curious before she cheated....or after?”

“ Jang Mi...this isn’t what it looks like .. I’m done with her. She fucked my best buddy and ruined my fucking life...” He sounded pained.

I frowned.

“It’s hard to believe she would do something like that. The Aera i remember had a very strong moral compass.”

“Yeah well, apparently, you can live whole entire lives with someone and never really know the person. Listen, do we really have to talk about my ex wife?” He asked, eyes shining with discomfort.

I shrugged.

“I’m not fond of drama. I won’t tangle myself in a relationship that risks hurting a lot of people Jungkook. That’s just not the kind of person I am. I’m sorry.”

He made a noise of impatience, shaking his head.

“We won’t be hurting anyone... We have fun together. We like each other. We’re attracted to each other...that’s all that matters....” He said sharply.

“ If we were in our twenties , without kids ....maybe. But that's not how it is now. I have a son, you have a daughter and I think I’m not completely over my marriage yet.” I said softly.

He froze.

“And i don’t think you’re completely over your wife either.” I smiled.

He glared at me.

“Ex-wife.” He snarled.

“She makes you feel things, Jungkook. You need to sort that out before you start something new with someone else. I’m only saying this because we’re old enough not to

He growled and punched the desk.

“God, how can she keep ruining my life even when she’s out of it.” He muttered, stepping away from me and moving to the door.

I watched him storm out of my office and bit my lip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time evening rolled around, I was exhausted. But the day had been productive and I was happy because the contract had been finalized, the theme had been decided and we’d also spent an amazing three hours redesigning the website. Although it wasn’t in my job description I had studied web design in college and the creative department always welcomed my inputs.

“You’re in a good mood...” Taehyung’s voice was a complete surprise and I turned to him, shocked. He was dressed in a black t shirt and blue jeans and sneakers and looked a whole decade younger.

I felt affection rise up my throat so fast I nearly choked.

“What are you doing here?”

“My agent told me you guys were incredibly cooperative today. She also told me you were quite possibly the loveliest woman she’s ever met and that I’m an idiot to have let you go.” He smiled.

I laughed, shaking my head and my gaze shifted to the small bunch of tiger lilies in his hand.

I felt warmth bloom in my chest.

“You remembered.” I said softly, pleased.

“Thirteen years since our first date. The lily to my tiger. ” He held the flowers to me and I grinned, pressing the flowers to my chest.

“Man I feel old.” I muttered.

“You are old.” Tae grinned and i grimaced, before tossing him a glare. .

“You’re supposed to say I still look as beautiful as i did thirteen years ago.” I said.

“But you don.t” He grinned impishly. “ You look a billion times more beautiful.”

I felt the atmosphere shift, the air charged with something dangerous and i looked away. Usually, this was when I would laugh and throw my arms around him. Pull him close and press my lips against his , slip my fingers into his t shirt and trace the skin of his back. Feel his hands on my waist as he lifted me up to twirl me around and kiss me just like that.

How often had we kissed that way? Thirteen years is a long time to count the number of kisses we’d shared.

We both stayed quiet, looking anywhere but at each other.

“I...there’s a reason I came.” He said finally.

I glanced at him.

“Oh?”

“The lawyer. Ms. Lee she ... recommended a relationship counselor”

I blinked, my breath catching in my throat.

“Taehyung we’re-”

“Just hear me out. Its not mandatory and it won’t affect the divorce in anyway. its just something the court offers all couples going through a divorce and we’re free to refuse it. “

“Did you?” I asked.

“Did I what?”

“Refuse it. Did you tell her no?”

He stared at me.

“No.” He said finally.

I exhaled sharply.

“Wow.” I whispered, feeling jittery and unbalanced. He sighed and came closer, reaching out to lightly grip my wrists. I let him tug me closer into a hug and held him tight, my heart pounding with anxiety.

“Mia.... I just... I’m not saying we should try to fix this.... relationship.” He said softly, eyes gentle and pleading, “ I just think this whole thing has taken a toll on both of us and maybe we can heal better if we get the help of a professional. Come out of this with closure. Instead of battling guilt and regrets everyday. Just ....it could help us move on. Don’t you think?”

You could never really tell what the other person is feeling.

I couldn’t tell what Taehyung was feeling right now?

Hope ?

Hope that we would fix our marriage....

or maybe hope that he would finally move on from me.. Maybe this whole thing was his final attempt to end things with me for good. So he could walk out of my life forever without any lingering guilt or regret.

I would never know.

I clung to him harder and somehow the pain of the entire two years we’d been apart, rammed into me at once.

I choked on a sob. Breathing became difficult and I felt myself gasping for air.

“Mia?” Taehyung’s panicked voice was the last sane thought that registered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay? I can stay the night if you want. I’ll sleep in the spare bedroom . ” Taehyung whispered, seated on the warm fluffy blanket that he’d managed to dig out of the closet in the spare bedroom. i was already tucked into the bed, fingers clutching the satin lined edges .

i shook my head.

“I know how much you need your gazillion pillows. Go on... I’ll be fine.”

“i feel terrible. i pushed you into a panic attack.”

I waved off the guilty words.

“You didn’t . i was already a little frayed and i guess i haven’t really been processing all the stuff between us the way i should have. i just got a little overwhelmed.”

A panic attack. At the age of 32. The last time i had one I was twenty four. I wanted to crawl into the bed and never resurface.

Taehyung’s gentle fingers , stroking my cheek brought me out of my own head.

“I was so scared.” He said softly and my heart ached.

“I’m sorry i scared you.” I said apologetically, gripping his wrists lightly and stroking the skin there with my thumb.

“I really want to stay. i don’t think I’ll be able to sleep if I go home right now.” He whispered.

I bit my lips.

“Okay... but... You need to hug something. To sleep. “

He grinned at that.

“I’m old enough to survive one night without a pillow, Mia .” he chuckled.

I flushed, sinking deeper into the covers.

“Okay.”

“You don’t have to worry about the counselor thing. I’ll tell Lee we don’t want to do any-”

“No!!” I said quickly, a lot louder than I’d intended.

Taehyung blinked.

“I just... I realized that I haven’t been dealing with any of this...the right way. I’m so confused and disoriented all the time and I .. I don’t mind getting some help. To sort things out. Just for myself you know...without the pressure of trying to fix...well us.” I finished .

Taehyung gave me a wide smile before bending down and kissing my forehead.

“ Okay, Mia mine. Sleep well, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

#taehyung fic #taehyung smut #taehyung fanfic #bts smut #bts fic

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

Note

Please stop putting Rwde in the main tags holy shit. Blocked tags dont work on trending tags

Okay, today we're going to have a talk about curating your own content online. This isn’t the first time I’ve had an anon, somewhat angrily, demand that I stop using the “RWBY” tag and I’m sure it won’t be the last. However, my answer remains the same: No. Sorry. I’m not going to stop. Why?

Because my posts are about RWBY.

In case the above isn’t answer enough, let’s do a quick FAQs.

Why are you using the “RWBY” tag when so many of your posts are critical?

Because, as said, my posts are about RWBY. That’s the subject. I’ve been in the RWBY tumblr fandom for over five years now. I want all my RWBY content accessible in one place on my blog, not divided up between praise posts, critical posts, fanart, fic, etc. If an easy division between the first two is even possible (which it's not). It’s just all RWBY and, oddly enough, when I started reblogging and posting here, I tagged it with “RWBY.” Because that’s the show. My tagging system is far from complex, but I’m not about to re-organize or switch up 228 pages of content.

But we decided a long time ago that critical posts shouldn’t go in the main tag.

That’s ridiculous. People realize that’s ridiculous, right? I mean, I know we've all mostly agreed to observe this self-imposed rule, but that doesn't mean I haven't been raising an eyebrow at it since it first came up. I’ve been in a lot of fandoms and I’ve never seen another that insisted only praise could go in the main tag. When you come on tumblr and want to look up RWBY posts, you expect to get everything about RWBY—any post that deals with that subject. I would stake a great deal on the assumption that there are other posts in the main tag that you dislike, anon, simply because that's how people work. We all don't like the same things and, indeed, in a long-running show with a massive cast, there's going to be stuff we hate too. Ships you can't stand, takes you think are awful, that character you’re just so sick of seeing… yet we don’t exclude other, major subjects from the tag just because certain individuals dislike them. If we did, there would be no “RWBY” search because no one would ever agree on what is and is not allowed.

You have “RWDE” though.

We do! And as evidenced by the post you’re upset with, I use it when I think it's warranted. Here’s the thing about “RWDE” though: no one can agree on that either. Some fans think “RWDE” is solely for the angry, curse-laden posts. Others think it’s only for posts that are 100% critical. Others think it’s for ranting critical posts, not analysis critical posts. Still others think it’s for posts that say anything bad about RWBY, no matter if other parts of the post are complimentary or neutral—with "bad" ranging from "Actively insulting aspects" to "I didn't praise this enough to the individual's liking." It's so subjective as to be almost useless, to the point where "RWDE" posters are currently upset that others are posting critical takes about "RWDE" takes. Where do we draw the lines then? Your guess is as good as mine. But the one time I tried to post solely in “RWDE,” I was getting different anons going, “Omg stop posting in rwde this isn’t rwde!” So… my posts are apparently too critical for “RWBY” and, often, not critical enough for “RWDE.” Fantastic.

Just create your own unique tag then.

On the social media website where we post specifically to have other people interact with our work? You may not like my posts, anon, but other people do. “RWBY” is useful in part because it allows like-minded people to find me. If I only used a unique tag, I’d never come up in searches. Besides, I already do have a unique tag: “mymetas.” Every critical RWBY post of mine has that attached. Thus, it’s your job to blog “RWDE,” “mymetas,” or me entirely.

I tried that though and tumblr’s blocking system didn’t work for [insert reason here]

I really am sorry to hear that, it sucks, but tumblr’s shoddy system is not my fault—nor my responsibility. And now we come to the part about curating our online experience. Sometimes it’s not just about blocking everything because the system itself is flawed. Often you have to go further by scrolling past.

I'm going to say that again because people really need to practice it more on tumblr: scroll past the content you don't like.

If you don’t like a post, don’t read it. If you start reading a post and realize you don’t like it, stop and go find something else you enjoy. Being a responsible fan online often means going, “Huh. I hate that” and moving on, not coming into the author’s inbox to demand that they—impossibly—ensure that you never have to see something you hate ever again. Anon, you spent more time with something you claim to dislike by coming into my inbox to write and send a message demanding that I stop using "RWBY" than you would have by simply ignoring my post and moving on. That tells me you care more about controlling others' online experience than you do managing your own.

But we don’t want to see critical takes in the “RWBY” tag! We come on tumblr because we love the show and it sucks to see people dragging it all the time. I just want to enjoy the show in peace.

A valid stance… and one that doesn’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to RWBY. Between the time I posted about the teaser and the time I saw this ask, two hours had passed and a hundred and four new posts had appeared in “RWBY." I know because I took the time to count. The RWBY critical community is absolutely miniscule compared to the rest of the fandom. There are maybe 2-7 new “RWDE” posts a day, max, and those are coming from a few key blogs that focus on analyzing the show. There is no scenario in which there are so many critical posts that it’s ruining your RWBY time on tumblr, simply because that amount of critical content doesn’t exist. And if seeing a single critical take from my blog—or even 2-4, because that's my own max per day—honestly upsets you to the extent that you can't just move on, you shouldn’t be on a website known for its diverse content and incredibly iffy blocking system. My posts exist in a sea of RWBY excitement, praise, and celebration. It is your job to scroll past, anon, not my job to play a subjective, rigged game to ensure you never brush past a single bit of seaweed in that massive, ever-expanding ocean.

What this argument comes down to is, “You’re not allowed to tag RWBY content with RWBY because I don’t like what you have to say.” Sorry, but that just doesn't work for me.

#rwby #rwde #mymetas

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jodeeeart · 3 years

Note

Hi! your art is absolutely sublime. It's a huge inspiration for me to improve and move past those feeling depressed about art days. I wanted to ask, if that okay, if you had any advice for artists wishing to move from hobby to pro. I feel I'm there with my art right now but I don't have a clue how to get 'noticed' so to speak. Or even how to start. Some days I feel all I'll be is a fan artist, which is fun, but would love to move on from that.

Hello Nonnie,

Thank you very much for your ask! It really depends on what your idea of professional looks like I think. Are you looking to work freelance on commission for clients commercially? Is there a studio that you want to work at full time or are you wanting more of a independent experience? There are a few different paths open to you career wise.

I can only speak to my experience which is in freelancing but I transitioned from hobbyist to professional slowly. I had been painting a while before I opened up small commissions, I still had a day job. I think time spent working on private commissions really helps you get to grips with the basics of working for hire as an artist. if you want to successfully freelance, I'd start there. It teaches you the importance of communication and compromise with your client (and how to not take feedback too personally haha). It forces you to to get a little more familiar with invoicing and contracts. It will also let you know if working to someone else's brief is for you or not - if the deadline life is for you. You can advertise your services wherever you use social media.

Getting noticed? Eyeballs is a toughy. So much goes into the eyeball soup. You can always go the traditional sort of route, get yourself a portfolio together of your strongest work and submit to companies that interest you. Whether you're looking for something inhouse or applying for contracted work, it doesn't hurt to go straight to big eyeball. Sometimes if you're not taken on you can get a little feedback on your work that will help you move forward and maybe land the next one. About 90% of my commercial work has come from Artstation, if you haven't got one, I'd recommend it.

Speaking of dabbling in the dark art of social media (especially if you're looking at more of an independent career) outside of me telling you you need to get your work out there on as many platforms as you're comfortable managing, get a dedicated website/portfolio and network, network, network! I think that ultimately success lies in the quality of your work and in it's youiness. Collecting eyeballs alone is not enough, you need to have something for them to enjoy looking at, to be stimulated by if you want them to stick around.

It's taken me a while to get an audience together, I've been posting my art online now for (checks dA - gulp) 15 years. I started getting the kind of jobs I wanted only when I began to take improvement seriously and painted the kind of things I really wanted to in my personal pieces. If it's original artwork you want to sell, the same applies.

Ultimately the only way to start is to start. It's scary at first and it doesn't happen immediately. There can be a lot of rejection along the way. Don't let it discourage you too much or compare your progress too intensely with others. Any artist you see suddenly blow up everywhere has probably been at it for years before hand, no-one is an overnight success in that way. It's about luck and timing lining up with your skill level.

Of course, what works for one does not always work for another but I hope that isn't too vague and helps somewhat Nonnie!

Good luck! <3

#asks #answered #replies

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softboywriting · 3 years

Text

Gravitation | Nathan Bateman | Ex Machina

Summary: Twin Flames; a single soul that is split into two bodies. You and Nathan have a connection like none other. He has an idea why, and you’re about to find out. [Soft!Nathan] [Soulmates Trope] [No Use Of Y/N] [Assistant!Reader] [F!ReaderxNathan] [Swearing] [Pet Name] [Invasion of Privacy - Mentioned] [Drunk Nathan]

Word Count: 5k

|Masterlist in Bio|

The moment you met Nathan you knew there was something about him that was unlike any other person you had met up until that point. It wasn't his massive ego, his minor God complex, or his genius intellect that got your attention. It was his eyes. Something in his eyes held more than his big mouth could ever express, something familiar like you've known him since the day you were born and even before that. You doubt he knows it, that his gaze tells you every truth, every lie, every moment of his history leading up to the moment you met. He feels it though. That you can confirm. He feels something when you stare at him as he speaks and you know that it makes him uncomfortable in a way he doesn't know how to explain because he gives you looks as if you're something he's never seen, something he can't quite figure out. You are an enigma to him some days and it keeps him on his toes.

Two months pass as you live out your days with Nathan in his sprawling complex of a home slash research facility. It was strange how you came to be here, a memory almost it seems. You had been receiving emails for weeks from an unknown sender, something about a research assistant position. You didn't pay much mind, as you weren't looking for an assistant position. You wanted to land a job doing website building for Blue Book. That is what you applied for and that is what you have skill in doing. So when your phone rang in the dead of night and you found out it was the CEO, Nathan, calling you directly about the emails and the assistant position, you were shocked. One thing lead to another and you found yourself living with Nathan while he began building AI.

Being Nathan's assistant isn't exactly what you hoped for, but it's not bad. You get to see how he works, what makes that genius tick. He's not as bad as you had heard, not as full of himself, but maybe that's just because he likes you. Working with him consists of observing him, helping him document things, getting tools and equipment while his hands are full, doing facial tracking studies, talking out loud in long sequences while he records your speech patterns. Some days it feels like he studies you more than he works on the AI. Not that you mind, his gaze is undeniably attracting, so much fascination and wonder behind those wire frame glasses. He leaves you with butterflies and longing for more than casual touches.

______________________

"Nathan?" You call softly from across the lab table he is sitting at, pushing wires into the gel mass brain unit to hook it up to his laptop. "I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Why did you choose me?"

He looks over his glasses as his hands still against the gel mass. He's going to lie, you know this look. It's so easy to tell. "I didn't choose you, it was random, I needed an assistant and you were a good fit."

"That's not like you. You wouldn't have some random mediocre website builder be your lab assistant."

"It's not like me? How would you know?"

"Well, I've been here for two months and I've worked and lived with you nearly every day for all hours except for when I'm sleeping. You're too calculated, precise, and prideful of your work to allow some random person into your life like this. So again, why did you choose me?"

Nathan sits up, folding his arms over his chest as he looks at you with a small smile on his lips. His eyes meet yours and you can tell he's intrigued. He has that look, like you're something shiny and new that he has yet to figure out. God you love that look.

"Well?" You push insistently. He sucks at lying to you and he looks as if he's going to try again.

"I chose you because I studied you. For weeks I went through your data, your work, your photos and posts on social media. I selected you because I could see something in you that terrified me."

You raise your eyebrows. That was not the response you expected. The data thing did not surprise you, it's Nathan and he can do almost anything on the internet with the software Blue Book is built from. You expected an answer regarding your physical appearance, reducing you to the beautiful assistant, eye candy. Not that you terrified Nathan, which in turn terrifies you because you're not sure what about yourself would ever be deemed as such.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Yes." You smile softly, turning your head away to break his gaze. It's too much. Too intense. "You've thrown me for a loop."

Nathan pushes away from the table and walks around it to sit beside you. He turns on the stool and tilts your head to look at him, fleeting fingers careful against your jaw, eyes meeting, faces only a few feet away from each other. "I chose you because I see myself staring back at me."

"What?"

"The eyes are the window to the soul. When I saw your photo I knew I had to meet you in person. I would have done anything to meet you, to see you face to face because I wanted to be right."

"Right about what?"

He gathers your hands into his and your heart beat picks up, cold sweat prickling at the back of your neck. "There is a theory that a human soul can be split into two people. It's interesting to consider, not that I believe it entirely. It's a bit of a fairytale and all. I'm curious though and I wanted to study it."

"So you brought me here to study me?" You swallow harshly. This whole time you've been part of an experiment it seems. Wonderful.

"I did."

"So I'm not your assistant. I'm your specimen."

Nathan drops your hands and stands up, walking around the lab slowly, pacing almost. He has never seemed so nervous. "You're still my assistant. You assist me do you not?"

"Yes."

"Then you're an assistant."

"Nathan. You know that isn't what I mean."

He chuckles. "Don't worry about it too much."

"I'm going to worry. You're studying me!"

Nathan sighs and walks back over to you, cupping your face in his palms as if to make you listen to him better and your heart threatens to explode. He has never been this physically affectionate with you ever yet his touch is so familiar. "I would be studying you anyway. You're my assistant, my little poseable doll, my muse which I collect data from."

"This isn't making me feel any better. Actually, I feel insulted."

"I'm not insulting you."

"Doll?"

"Fine." He says harshly. It's as close to an apology as you will ever get.

"Thank you."

Nathan drops your face and walks away again. He seems anxious now. He strides along the length of the brightly lit lab tables, hands in his pockets. The silence that fills the room is stifling, awkward, and increasingly thick with unsaid thoughts.

You slide off of your stool and wander toward the table in the enclosed chamber at the back of the room. There are mechanical body parts on the table, like a person laid out for an exam or a surgery. It's strange to think that eventually these parts will be a working form, these wires and plastic and metal plates will be an artificial life form that looks and sounds like a real human. You turn suddenly and look back at Nathan. He's staring, your fingers touching the shoulder of the body before you. It's as if you could feel his eyes on you, as if you could see yourself through them actually.

"What're you doing?" Nathan asks as he leans against the entryway, his tone far calmer than his eyes would portray.

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Let me tell you." He steps in the room and around to the opposite side of the exam table. "You're breaking my rules."

You pull your hand away and curl it against your side. "Am I?"

"Yes." He leans on the table, arms open, hands pressed to the cold top. "You're touching my work."

"Nathan I touch your work all the fucking time. I literally carried a leg across the lab for you earlier. What the hell are you talking about?"

"With permission. I gave you permission to carry that leg."

"Okay?"

"Did I tell you that you could come in here and touch this?" He gestures to the parts on the table. "Did you consider that it might not be a good idea to do that?"

"It's just laying here Nathan."

"But do you know that? Maybe I have something going on that requires these to be perfectly still."

"I put these in here yesterday. I laid them down and you haven't moved them since." You cross your arms and stare him down. "You're just trying to start a fight because you don't like the awkward tension in the room and a fight will change the subject off of why you hired me."

Nathan's head snaps up and he glares. Oh how he glares daggers right through your soul. You know you're right and he knows you're right. It's killing him not to have a comeback ready. He was so ready to fight about the AI parts that your breakdown of his thought process has destroyed all means of retaliation. It's satisfying, watching him flounder for a second.

"Cat got your tongue?" You say with the biggest smirk. His own words, his own choice of phrasing thrown back at him.

"See this is why you terrify me."

"Because I called you on your bullshit?"

"Yes." He turns and heads for the entryway. "You call me out before I even realize what I'm doing."

"So you didn't plan on coming in here and trying to start something?"

"No, I mean I did I guess but it wasn't a coherent thought. I didn't go "oh I'm going to start an argument now because I want to deflect this awkwardness", I just did it because....well I guess it was my instinct." He runs a hand over his head and braces it against the back of his neck. "I need to go for a run."

"It's raining."

"So?"

"Wear a coat."

"Are you my mother now?"

"You're doing it again." You point at him and he scowls.

"I'm leaving."

"I'll run a hot bath."

"For what?"

"For you when you get back inevitably cold and sore because you over do it on the trail."

Nathan growls, literally growls and looks pissed. "Stop! Just stop! Get out of my head!"

You walk out of the chamber and past him toward the hall door. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"Don't."

"Didn't do anything."

"You will."

"Maybe. Go run."

"Fuck."

______________________

You decide to do some research of your own while Nathan is gone. You're not supposed to get on his computer, or really contact anyone in the outside world as per your non disclosure agreement. There are exceptions though. You technically cannot discuss anything that happens in the complex but you can discuss everything else. You could call your parents but you've not had the best relationship with them since you took the job with Nathan. They didn't understand, thought you were being coerced by him and they never wanted you to be in the tech field. They wanted you to be a doctor or a nurse. If only they knew how much Nathan paid you. They would forget about that medical field shit so fast. Unfortunately your pay is related to the job so you're not able to discuss it.

You take a seat at Nathan's desk and bring up the center screen. You can see him on the security camera on the backside of the house. He's sitting on the open air deck, rain pouring down on him. Not running. This is actually perfect, you can make sure to get off the computer as soon as he leaves the camera view.

You pull up Blue Book and search "split soul theories". Tons of information pops up. You wade through the crap. Book titles, movies, songs and stuff. The only information you want is about the actual theory itself. Finally you find it, some spiritual website has the explanation you're looking for.

"Twin flames?" You mutter, skimming through the paragraphs of text.

The pages tell you about the theory that a soul can be split in two and those people are drawn together and are like two sides of the same coin. Kind of like soulmates but deeper, more connected, lives spanning every reincarnation. You shake your head. There is no way this is what Nathan is interested in investigating. It's too wild. He's a man of logic and science and biology. Not spiritual at all. Besides, you're not like him. At least you don't think so. Maybe you are...in some ways you can see how you're similar. That's disturbing and you're not going down that road.

The screen on the left is empty, the camera showing just a feed of the empty deck. Shit. You scramble to close the tab but it's too late.

"Oh dear, what are you doing?"

"Fuck," you whisper and turn around slowly to see Nathan standing in the doorway to the office. He's changed into his favorite white long sleeve and some sweatpants.

"Should I pretend you aren't on my computer with the browser open or should I just fire you now?"

"I wasn't doing anything against my NDA." You stand up and he gives you a look over his glasses.

He moves past you and sinks into his chair, turning abruptly to pull up your closed tab on the browser. "Twin flames huh?"

"Yep. Just looking shit up."

"Uh huh."

"Is that what you think we are?"

"No."

"Then what do you-"

"It's what I know we are." He turns back and raises his eyebrows. "You were watching me on the cams?"

You shrug. "Maybe."

"You're a little shit."

"As if you don't watch me when we aren't together."

"Touché." He stands and circles around to grab a book off the shelf behind you. He flips it open and starts scribbling something down.

You lean over trying to see and he tilts the book up. "What is that?"

"A notebook."

"Smart ass."

"I am." He gives his butt a smack and grins at you cheekily. "Don't worry what this book is."

"Secrets make enemies, don't you know?"

"Yes," he puts the book away on the shelf in plain sight. He knows you won't try to get it. You wouldn't disrespect his things like that, even though the lack of respect for your own is considerable in this house. "I have lots of enemies."

You roll your eyes. "That's because you're insufferable, Nathan."

"No it's because I have secrets."

"Wait, you just changed the subject...circle back here. What do you mean you know we're twin flames? How did I miss that?"

Nathan chuckles and puts his arm around your back. "You'll see, one day."

"What? That doesn't make any sense."

"Oh no it does." He guides you into the hall and closes the door behind him. "Once you think about it long and hard you'll realize it."

You walk ahead of him. "I don't get what that means and you're talking in riddles. I'm going to bed."

"I'm going to make dinner."

"And you're going to eat alone. Goodnight Nathan."

___________________

"I know you're awake." Nathan's voice floats through the door to your room. It's some time after midnight, days since you got into it with him about the twin flame nonsense. Yet it's been playing on your mind nonetheless. "Mi luna, can I come in?"

Mi Luna? What the hell is that about? He must be shit faced drunk. You know if you open that door you won't get any sleep. You also know he could just open it since his card is all access, but he is still asking. It's the little things.

"The door is open!"

Nathan peeks in, just his face appearing around the heavy glass door. "Mi luna, it's so bright in here."

"Yeah? I've got the lamps on. It's subterranean, remember? No windows."

He slides in and closes the door. As if someone were ever going to interrupt the two of you. "Lights off."

The lights go down to just the night lights under the vanity and in the bathroom remain on. You raise your eyebrows at the man walking so carefully across your bedroom. He doesn't seem to be stumbling. That's a good sign.

"What is mi luna all about?"

"Do you like it?"

"I don't know?"

"It means My Moon."

"Okay?"

Nathan flops down on the bed and crushes your feet under his butt. "I was thinking about pet names earlier. I hate them all." He's definitely drunk.

"But you like mi luna?"

"Yeah. Mi Luna y mi sol." He extends his arm up as if to touch something out of reach on the ceiling. "My moon and my sun. Sounds romantic."

"Romantic? Since when do you like anything romantic?"

He turns his head to look at you. You're glad you can't make his face out clearly in the darkened room. You fear his eyes will tell you more than you wish to know. "You make me soft."

"I make you soft? How?"

He lets his arm go limp, falling behind him on the bed. "You're so pretty, and you're smart too. So smart." He sighs heavily like a man with much on his mind. "I've had too much tequila."

You chuckle softly. "Oh boy."

"What?"

"I've never seen you drink it, tequila makes you a different kind of drunk."

"Yeah." He reaches out to you and you take his hand. He wiggles his finger tips against yours and makes a little do-do-do noise to go with it. "I wanna marry you."

"What?" Your heart stops and his hand goes limp under yours. "Nathan, what did you just say?"

"Nothing?"

"No you said you wanna marry me."

"If you heard it then why did you ask?"

"Because I wanted to see if you'd lie."

He scoffs and sits up. "I didn't say that."

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't. You misheard me. I don't even believe in marriage."

"Nathan."

"I'm going to the lab." He pushes off the bed and wobbles on his feet.

You kick his butt and he stumbles forward. "You're an asshole."

He looks back and even in the darkened room you can see his smile. "Am I?"

"Yes! Now get out of here. I want to sleep a few hours before you inevitably wake me up at an ungodly time despite having slept about three hours yourself."

He chuckles as he pads softly to the door.

"What's so funny?"

"I like waking you up early." He leans on the door frame, allowing it to support his body entirely. "It's my favorite part of the day. Your sleepy little yawns, heavy lidded eyes, they way your voice sounds so soft."

You ball your fists in the comforter and force down the butterflies that stir in your stomach. This isn't Nathan. This is a drunk lonely idiot. You can't catch feelings for him, he's your boss. It's honestly too late but that's not any of his business. "Go!"

"You like meeee!"

"Nathan please just go away!"

"It's my house. I don't have to." He teases and you throw a pillow at him. He laughs and slips out the door to avoid further projectiles.

You pull a pillow over your face and scream into it. He's frustrating, whiplash embodied. Fuck him and fuck how he makes you have butterflies in your stomach.

______________________

"Can I ask you something about the AI?"

"Any time." Nathan says as he punches at the bag hanging on the deck. He's been going at it for about an hour now.

You've been sitting and watching him, curled up on the bench wearing his white long sleeve shirt because it's cool out and you didn't want to go get something of your own. You've been sketching the scene of him boxing as if to preserve the memory. As if you won't be here again in a few days doing the same thing.

"Is this your first? The one on the table that we- you are building?"

He stops, steadying the bag a moment and giving you a troublesome smile. "No."

"What was the first one like?"

He returns to punching the bag in a steady rhythm. "She's human like. A little taller than me. I didn't get to make a head before the body malfunctioned."

You raise your eyebrows. "It was a woman?"

"Is. She is a woman, yes."

"She's still in around?"

"Yes." Nathan hugs the bag and looks at you almost lovingly, clearly excited to show you this AI he's kept a secret. "Do you want to see her?"

You stand from the bench you've been watching him on and he starts unwrapping his hands. You take note how his fingers look a little bruised, as if he were going too hard on the bag. "She's here?"

"Mmhmm."

"Why haven't you shown me?"

"You haven't asked."

"But we've been building a new one for this long. Why wouldn't you tell me you had another?"

Nathan grabs his glasses from the counter in the dining room as you pass through, following close behind him. He chuckles. "This new one is not going to be like the others."

"Others?"

"Yeah, the others."

"Nathan, how many are there?"

"Five?" He glances back and does a little hand motion to signify that he wasn't sure. "No, six."

You stop dead in your tracks outside the lab door. "Six? You've made six?"

He turns at the end of the hall and puts his hands on his hips. "I've been here for three years. Of course I've made six. Come on, do you wanna see them or not?"

You hurry ahead and step into where he's leading you. A lounge with big rock walls and built in cupboards. He scans his badge at the first cupboard door and opens it. Inside is half of a bot, no head, just a mechanical body with legs and no arms.

Nathan opens the next one. It has a head with a face, no legs but a torso and an arm. He opens the rest and you walk down the line. The closer you get to the end you realize they look more and more human. They have skin, and unique features, hair and everything. It's when you reach the last one that your heart stops.

Before you is a spitting image of yourself. It's as if you were made of wax. Not quite right but not off the mark. She's complete, no missing parts, but only her face is skin, the rest is the robot base model.

"Do you understand now?"

"I don't understand anything. What the hell is this?" You step back, hands clinging to your sweater at your stomach. "Nathan what is going on?"

"I built her last year. This is part of the reason why you terrify me."

"But you said...you said that you saw yourself in me and that's what terrified you?"

Nathan closes the door and stands in front of you. "You're freaked out, I get it. When I said I saw myself I meant my mind, my vision. Not like me, obviously you don't look like me. I see my soul reflected back at me."

You stumble back onto the futon and stare up at the man before you. "You brought me here because of that? Because you made a bot that looks like me?"

He steps forward and sinks down, squatting in front of you, hands landing on your thighs. "I saw you in a dream, a very vivid dream like I was in another life all together and I modeled her after what I saw because I couldn't forget. I had no idea you were real until I came across the twin flame theory while researching dreams and I decided to try and find you."

"But how did you find me?"

"Blue Book. Once I made her I scanned her face for recognition and found hundreds of matches. I cross referenced her specific features, rough age estimate, a few other things and then I found you."

You shake your head in disbelief. "I was trying to work for Blue Book. I put in dozens of applications. I was gravitating toward you all along."

"Yeah." He says breathily. "Yeah you were."

"You're my soulmate?"

"Mmmhmm." He rubs your thighs comfortingly. "It's more than that. Soulmate is a pretty blanket term but what we are is twin flames. A soul split in two that rejoins in every lifetime. I never believed in something like that, but that dream was so unlike anything I've experienced it changed my mind. I'm a man of logic and science not fairy tales and fantasies. It tore me up for a long time."

You let out a little bubble of laughter and you quickly cover it up because it's not funny, it's disbelief. "You? Nathan Bateman is my other half?"

"Don't say it like that. It's not funny."

"This is a gag right? You made that mold of my face and slapped it on the AI for this. You're fucking with me." You push him and he falls back onto his ass. "You're an asshole."

"What?!" He gets to his feet as you stand from the futon. "You think I'm lying to you about this?!"

"Yes! Why would a man like you ever believe in that stuff? You don't even believe in marriage. You're lying to get me to sleep with you or something. You're playing into my feelings and fantasies and hopes of someday finding someone to share my life with forever." You head for the doorway and Nathan grabs your hand to stop you. "Let me go. This is cruel. I never thought you would go this fucking far as to-"

"I would never do that to you." In one fluid motion he pulls you close, cradles your face and presses his lips to yours. Fireworks explode behind your eyes as they fall closed. Your heart races, body frozen against his as the world comes crashing down around you. All at once you're dizzy, breathless, excited. You're overloaded, overwhelmed and you don't know what is happening.

"Do you feel it?" He asks and you open your eyes to find him only inches away. The moment your gaze meets his you know he isn't lying. "You're the only person who I've ever felt this connection with. You know how picky I am."

"You're not lying." You mutter, remembering all the times you couldn't stop staring at him. The times when you couldn't remove your eyes from his once they met. The way you move seamlessly around each other, as if you knew each other's next move every step of the way. And most of all how you can't imagine being away from him, how you never get tired of being in his company. "Since we met I've had this feeling, and when our eyes meet-"

"We can't look away."

"Yeah." You lay a hand on his cheek, fingers fanning out over his beard. It's a strange feeling, foreign under your touch. "What do we do now?"

"We keep going."

"Keep going? Going where?"

"Ahead, with the AI, with our relationship." Nathan presses his head to yours. "Together we're going to make a perfect AI. If I hadn't started this, gotten this far into it and made the AI I based off of the dream I had of you, we wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't be here, we wouldn't have met. I wouldn't be able to make the newest model without you."

"Yes you could. This isn't like you to say you need someone. Have you slept?"

He chuckles. "Yes I've slept."

"You could make this AI without me. You don't need me."

"But I do." He steps back, cradling your face in his hands, thumbs on your cheeks stroking softly. "You've been the key to everything. I can study your features, your expressions, your eyes...fuck your eyes, man. Sure I can get all the data from Blue Book like I did before but you're different. You make me think differently about everything."

You lean into his hand on your cheek. "Kiss me again."

"Don't have to tell me twice." He slides his arms around your back and pulls you flush against him. His mouth covers yours, a sweet kiss turning hungry quickly. He backs you against the wall, arms caging you in as he licks into your mouth. He lets out the softest moan as your hand explores his chest. It's the most vulnerable you've ever seen him.

You arch against him and he lifts your leg up as you hook it around his. You run your hand over his back and stop at his shoulders, cradling the back of his neck. "This is what Nathan in love looks like?"

He kisses along your jaw and pulls back, glasses a little askew. He looks wrecked, completely gone. Like he's drunk but on you instead of liquor. He smiles, pressing another kiss to your lips.

"You're damn right it is."

End

______

Thank you for reading. Please reblog if you enjoyed! - A

Header by delicate-venus

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted works.*****

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