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#but theres also the pressure of my mom who thinks its just wrong of me to be this weight and im like ??? pls stop
ryuuseini · 1 year
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God I wanna... Say Something regarding fatphobia in media and the terms ppl use in describing characters who gain weight over time ("letting go" like bro shut the fuck up???) and how like, there's also nuance to the discussion (like, a character who starts out on the heavier side choosing to lose weight shouldn't be demonized either - as PLENTY of people want to lose weight for various reasons, and while you can point to a decent amount of it stemming from our fatphobic society, a lot of it is also just personal desire at the end of the day - but I also understand that if your ONLY fat character loses weight at the end and the other characters don't change either, then that's not good) but idk, I'm a little too tired to properly articulate what's going on in my mind? But I just... wish this was more of a discussion
#fatphobia#like - this is coming from someone who is overweight and is very visibly so#and yeah i do wanna lose weight simply because i dont like the way it distributes on me#but theres also the pressure of my mom who thinks its just wrong of me to be this weight and im like ??? pls stop#but I know for ME its more a personal desire#but i think my biggest issue is that like. bc we're at a state of representation where the bare minimum is never met#we're pushing for a monolithic representation of a far more diverse group#which. yes. i get it. ppl shouldnt be reduced to 'hi im fat bc i love food' and that be all rep#like no i 100% agree with that like a character shouldnt be striped down to solely be about being what marginalized group they are#but humans are so fucking nuanced that like. i DO want to see a character who does have a vibe of 'i like food!!' but have OTHER traits#like you have the skinny anime boy who has a million of other traits and cannot solely be defined by 'loves food'#but you also see them literally DROOLING over food and ordering a shit ton of food and somehow eating it all and like#and like the fact that here im specifically talking about Luke Yugioh Sevens who i would ACTUALLY describe as a kid who has like#ZERO awareness of the world outside of himself but does have a strong sense of self worth and genuinely wants to be great#but is very much aware he has to EARN that and doesnt want to be handed it... makes you wonder why marginalized identities dont have nuance#like??? pls just... make ppl human. humans are messy. thats what MAKES us human#this kinda got away from me but yk what i mean im tired lol
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webginz · 17 days
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i had the worst shower ever. i was like, tripping out. reminded me of my "episodes" i had in middle school. just like voices and not knowing where i am. and not being able to get back to reality.
well now im on my way to the dentist, theres no way in hell they wont be able to notice i was just crying. (from fear of going to the dentist, not from the shower thing lol)
im so scared :(
[took out a part here but it was just about stress and disordered eating things from this morning]
then i got to the dentist and it sucked. long dentist story ahead
okay dentist. everything that couldve gone wrong, went wrong.. i tried acting normal, and we had small talk or whatever like normal dentist x ray stuff, but she could instantly tell something was wrong with me, i guess.
she gave me a health form to fill out. i was still chill and this point and was like oh yeah i have blood pressure problems but its only if im up moving around!! so not doing that at the desntist hehe amirite?! i also checked anxiety and i think thats what she wanted. just personal confirmation everything was gonna go wrong.
after she learned i had anxiety, she was nice, too nice imo... like i was a child. im okay with that though i guess. (i mean.. she could definitely tell i was just done crying)
she was like "the xray blanket is heavy and could help with ur anxiety" BUT I WANTED IT OFF AND COULD BARELY TALK SO I JUST NODDED. it made me feel so overwhelmed immediately. THIS IS WHERE EVERYTHING STARTED GOING BAD
im also just constantly aware of my hair and when you lean back on the stupid dentist seat my hat falls off. its like LOOK THE FREAK WHOS SCARED OF THE DENTIST AND PULLS OUT ALL HER HAIR!!
whatever. so there i am on the dentist chair. bald spots for the world to see. xray blanket sensory overload. sunglasses on top of my regular glasses. but im pushing through.
she starts using the tool on my teeth. a metal vibrating thing that sounds like a drill. my worst most awful fear is high pitched drilling noises. if im in a good mood i can put up with them for a bit, but obviously todays not that day. i try not to freak out, but she notices and asks if im okay and im like "yah" (with tears)
but then my mom comes in and shes like "can you not do it a different way?!?!" "shes freaking out" and just making everything WORSE. (used the chaos here to get rid of the dumb xray thing)
ive been on and off hyperventilating through all of this btw... i heard one of the dentist ladies say "shes crying and breathing really fast..." which was like. kill me now please god.
so back to my mom asking "can you not just do it a different way?" they do have a different way btw. without the scary machine! but then dentist lady says "she used this machine the last 2 times she was here? we dont have enough time to do it manually." (proof i was just having a bad day and i totally can be normal!!! but hearing this made me feel awful like i could feel all the dentists were thinking "she did it fine last time why is she carzy today?!?")
she then asked to step away to find the MAIN dentist lady.
at this point i was crying shaking hyperventilating and felt like i was gonna throw up from nervous energy. also my mom is pestering me a bunch (shes concerned but making everything worse, her hearts in the right place tho ily mom)
so big boss dentist lady is here. she says she looked at the xrays (from the beginning, remember?) and i have A GAZILLION CAVITIESSSSSS!!!!!
she says for my dental things from now on i should go to a SEDATION DENTIST!!!!
i was so out of it i didnt even know what to say. well now i do!!!
im not usually that scared. i was having a VERY BAD morning.
the dentist i go to now is all women. the sedation dentist is a MAN, that none of the women there had ever met. I HAVE TO GO MEET A MAN TO SEDATE ME SO I CAN BE ALONE WITH HIM? SO HE CAN DO MY TEETH? i might have a silly joking tone to this post but with this im being so serious. im scared as hell that thats just gonna end with me being raped.
i dont like male doctors/dentists/anything and always have my mom with me when i have to. there was a female assistant when i had my endoscopy and female nurses when i had my surgery. i dont want to be alone, asleep, in a room with a man i dont know. JUST BECAUSE IM SCARED OF THE DENTIST???
god i keep seeing stuff in the corner of my eye as im writing this. i think my psychosis is coming back for some reason.
every things going wrong today and forever
pls like/reply this post if you read it all im sorry for my ranting
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whitepassingpocs · 1 year
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Kinda a vent. First question isnt a vent though, im genuienly asking.
Dose it make me bad to be scared to take a dna test to see my history? Ive been shown historical documents from my mom, she dosent claim her heritage(internalized racism), were wp(ish, my mom and i am sometimes, not my dad) and we have no offical id cards proving were native. Ive been reconnecting but im being more and more pressured to take a test to prove its there. Im scared that ill be wrong and this part of me i thought i was nurturing was actually me appropriating.
Theres more nervousness from my dad, who im not on good terms with, because he's adamant he's white but has a naturally tan-ish skin tone and black features he gave me. I just wish my family could be more forward with our racial features and history because every black person i meet is shocked to learn im not black/not sure if i am black and my mom talks about papers potentially proving were indigenous americans and shows them to me, then the next week, shes saying they never existed and i made that up then repeats the process. I wanna rep my cultures if thats what i am but im scared ill rip my family to shreds if im right and i am white, black and native or ill look like a massive paranoid idiot if im wrong and were just white. Ik that if i prove i have any native in me, my mom wont change and actually might become more racist cause she'll think a native card gives her a shield against pple calling her racist. I also know if i prove i have any black in me, my dad will probably attempt to say im not his kid and disown me even though if its there, its pretty obvious it came from him. And if im wrong? I'll feel destroyed as being native is a huge part of me. I wont impede or be an over-reaching ally if its true that im not native, ill be a normal ally, i just wish racism didnt make learning about my potential non-white cultures wasnt impeded by the people who gave them to me.
Racism fucking sucks.
Amen it sucks, friend 💛 I'm sorry things have been challenging.
DNA testing isn't for everyone, but sometimes it's a useful tool to help answer questions that can't be answered any other way. Its okay to get one if that's what you need. It's not immoral or wrong, it's just a choice and it's yours.
I will never forbid or stop anyone from taking a DNA test. Just please ensure you do your research and pick one that respects your privacy and has a good accuracy rate for the ethnic groups you're looking for. Some tests do not detect Indigenous ethnicities. So always check.
I hope you find the answers you're looking for and I wish you all the best.
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fuck-customers · 3 years
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(tw ableism, racism)
i never complained about this guy on here but i finally talked to the store lead about this awful guy i work with! said guy, we'll call him don which of course isnt his actual name, is so annoying. for the record, i helped train him, so its not like he's been here for long time. less than a year. anyway, don thinks he's smarter and better than everyone else. he knows everything and everyone else is wrong if they disagree with what he's saying. he's always talking about people behind their backs, and complaining about how no one does their job right, but i guess he does. he's also always spewing some bs about "you should work for satisfaction not money" (girl why are you here then? you hate this job) and "if you really want something you'll get it because you'll do anything for it" and other classist bullshit.
he'll complain about two of our coworkers specifically, who we'll call gina and ben. gina is an older woman, and don is always talking about how she leaves the register to make coffee every hour (gas station, coffee is made every two hours or as needed) and is always away doing something even if there's a line. he also has made some weird comments about the old men who come in and talk to her. he talks about ben the most though, saying he doesnt do anything, he's always disappearing (which, yeah, he does sometimes, but usually i can track him down because i know what he's doing) and calling off (which he used to do, but now he calls off only occasionally, and is definitely not the worst offender in terms of calling off all the time). its also worth noting that ben and gina have been here for years, through multiple managers and store leads and rounds of employees. now, when don and i are at the register, don is usually occupied with stocking cigarettes and the other nicotine products up there, and its nice to have that stuff done, but that means i am the only one ringing people out. even if theres a line. so if someone else leaves him alone at the register, its a problem, but if he leaves me alone, its fine. another thing about ben he doesnt like is his tattoos. ben is a young guy with a ton of tattoos, including face tattoos, and some piercings. don doesn't like that. he was talking about this the other day to me, and he was saying how "businesss shouldn't hire people with tattoos, i wouldn't" (when I told the store lead he said "but there are professionals with tattoos?"), and first off, this is a gas station honey. what i said to don was, "I don't know, I still think those people deserve to eat." he replies, "I don't." i don't know what to say to that.
he also doesn't like me I don't think. we were talking about stuff we have to do, and got on the topic of outside trash, and I said, "Yeah, if I could do outside trash I would, but because of my hand I can't lift the pump trash lids." i have an ongoing issue with my left hand that we think is tendonitis but we aren't sure, and basically i can't put any pressure on any part of my thumb/that part of my palm. to lift the pump trash lids, you have to push inward on the sides with your palm and lift up. obviously i cant do that. but i can lift propane tanks because that's mostly on my fingers. he tells me, "man, i wish i had a brace i could just put in when i didn't want to do something."
my man the other day i sat down on the floor to look for something and i thought it was healed but as soon as i leaned on it i fell because of how much it hurt. I've tried to do pump trash with it, it made it worse.
going back in time, he said something to me that i didn't think much of at the time. he looked up and saod "that's who you remind me of!" and said my voice sounded like his ex girlfriend's. at first i was like okay. whatever. but he mentioned it again later in a way that infuriated me and im about to tell you why.
so, he was going off about "how you should only eat between these times of the day" (directed at me because i mentioned my breakfast that morning? my dude i get up at six for this shift.) and then going off about circadian rhythms and how theres a single set one (which is not true!) and i mentioned that one if the symptoms of adhd is having a circadian rhythm thats out of sync (he knows i have adhd). and then he starts going off about how "no its not, tell me that when its in a medical book" (girl? maybe look at one that isnt outdated) and then that adhd is overdiagnosed (untrue and also a googleable statistic) and pretty much implying that i was just saying i had it to be special and not have to do things, which infuriated me because thats what everyone says about it and what ive been told my whole life, to the point my mom literally had to threaten several schools with legal action because they would not follow my IEP, and then when i said "hey, I'm the one living with this, you aren't," he said "kelly! kelly! you sound so much like her! you're just kelly to me!"
obviously that's kind of a fucked up thing to say.
some other things i hate about this man is that he gets really aggressive when he's frustrated. one day he started slamming things down as he was stocking. he even does it in front of customers! also, as a cherry on top, he was talking to our coworker, and found out she had a lot of black friends, and called her a [n word] lover.
i also know that im not the only person who has problems with him. literally no one likes him. he's always complaining that someone else isnt doing their job right and "if *I* were the manager" and stuff like that. it might be worth mentioning that i only complained because someone suggested i do. i was just going to tough it out for a while since im going back to school soon and will only be dealing with him once a month
one of my coworkers gave me her number if i ever wanted to talk about it, and the store lead said he would try to talk to him (without mentioning me), and this definitely wasn't okay for him to be doing, so we'll see how this goes. also, i think the store lead kept me in the office talking with him (about school and the pandemic and other stuff) for an hour ish so that i wouldn't have to deal with him, since don leaves after an hour of me being there during the week (but we have six hours together on the weekend) so that was nice.
sorry for the long ask. tldr this guys just an all around asshole who doesnt shut up and thinks he's superior to everyone else but my other coworkers are nice people
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ghostiiiee · 3 years
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Just Like Me
To read at my Ao3 CLICK HERE This is the first chapter. sorry is its a little rough. :sweatdrop:
Almost forgot! Tw: i will be going heavy on quirkless discrimination and mental health issues. Theres not much in the first chapter but i do want to touch on it at some point.
School was never something he looked forward to. After all, what was there to look forward to? He was used to getting bullied, made fun of for being different, called names, shoved around. The irony wasn’t lost on him. Many years ago, maybe he would have been the normal one? 
Then again, what even was normal?
It used to be normal to go to school- learn history, math, science and whatever language the school taught. 
It used to be normal to not have any powers, after all -  superheroes were a dream. Stories people made up to tell themselves. Heroes existed, yes, but they never had powers. Heroes were just people, average people. 
Again, there's another word that's changed. Average. 
Normal. Average. 
Two hundred years ago, it was normal for the average person to look human.
Two hundred years ago, it was normal  for the average person to have no powers.
Two hundred years ago, it was normal for superheroes to only be a thing of stories.
That was two hundred years ago. Not now.
Now it's weird to not have powers.
Now you get bullied for being regular. Quirkless.
One of 20%. 
Mathematically, he thought it was stupid that so many people get treated so differently. He did remember Mr. Lancer telling him of people getting treated for less. Mr. Lancer told him two hundred years ago, 10% of the population was seen as satanic because of what hand they used to write with. A similar estimated percent was discriminated against because of who they loved, or what they identified as. 
“Sadly, Mr. Fenton, the human race has a history of not tolerating those who they see as a minority.”
“I remember that from history Mr. Lancer.” Danny sighed, leaning his head on his hand. His eyes stared out the window, looking at the stormy weather. “I remember you talking about how things used to be.”
The teacher pursed his lips, staying quiet and looking at him with concern.
Lancer had asked Danny to stay after class to speak to him. He never did like how Daniel’s peers would gang up on him after school ended. The best he could usually do was this. Casper’s principal was... far too likely to be accepting of anything the more wealthy students’ parents had to say.
“Is that why you’ve been spacing out all day then, Danny?” 
It was asked gently. Danny’s eyes glanced over to the balding teacher before darting back to the window. He hummed for a moment. “...Kinda. I got a lot on my mind.”
“Penny for your thoughts then?” Lancer pulled his chair next to his desk.
It was quiet for a few minutes, the sound of rain gently pattering against the classroom windows filled the room while Danny collected his thoughts. Blue eyes watched raindrops roll down the glass.
“I don’t get it, Mr. Lancer.” His voice was quiet as the floodgates opened. “Everyone in my family has quirks. Dad is strong. My mom can copy anyone’s fighting styles just by watching. Jazz can look at someone and-.... well you know.” He sank down into his chair. “Aunty A, even has a quirk. I've never seen her miss a shot. And then there's me. Daniel James Fenton. The first quirkless person in our family in a long time. Don’t get me wrong either, it doesn’t bother me too much.” Liar. “It’s just... it feels like the cherry on top of everything else.
“My parents got an invitation to teach some classes at UA in Japan. In Japan, I've never lived anywhere but here. Amity Park. It’s not like they can leave me here. PLUS, Jazz has always wanted to go there for the General studies.”
“I understand your concern, Danny. But I’ve seen your work,” There was slight amusement in Mr. Lancers voice. “Aren’t you good at building things? I know I’ve caught you tinkering with something more than once in class.”
Danny’s face flushed red. “...My parent’s usually make those. They’re old models of support gear they have made. I was seeing if I could get a glitch out.”
“And?”
“...I keep shocking myself.” He mumbled. “It hurts like hell.”
“While I can’t say I’m happy that you are getting injured. As long as you are safe, I'm glad.” Mr. Lancer offered a smile to the teen. “As for the other predicament, you are always open to contact me if you need me after you move.”
“Thank you Mr. Lancer.”
~~~~~~~
Danny was thankful that they moved over the summer and not in the middle of the year. School was already hectic enough as was. Moving in the middle of the year was not something he ever wanted to do, let alone moving across the globe in the middle of the year.
He kept to himself for the first few weeks. He liked to walk around, exploring the new area. It felt different than Amity park. More crowded. He noted early on there was definitely more hero around too. It didn’t bother him too much.
That's a lie.
More heroes means more villains.
He didn’t like villains.
He also didn’t like being a hostage.
Lucky him!
He was held hostage by a villain not even before the end of the second week. Not that this was a first time experience for him, having been a favorite target back in Amity Park. He knew all the heroes back home personally because of it. People just loved to take quirkless people hostage. One would think, with the target that seems to hang over his head, that Daniel James Fenton wouldn’t take such risks as walking around alone at night. One would think that if he did, it would be out of necessity, and he would at least have something on him to defend himself.
...yeah no that's not the case. Why in the world would that be the case?
Danny was shoved onto the ground, air leaving his lungs as he hit. He gasped for air, trying to look at who was targeting him now. He couldn’t really tell much about the person, ratty clothes and a hoodie pulled up to cover their face. Nothing could be seen under the hood, it was just shadow, pure, black shadow.
“What’s a runt like you doing out right now?” The villain crouched next to Danny. Chuckling when he tried to scoot away. They put a foot on one of Danny’s wrists, “Ah-ah. Now that’s rude. I’m talking to you punk.”
Danny didn’t respond, wincing at the pressure on his arm. 
“It’s rather rude to ignore your elders.” The villain put more pressure, adjusting so they were crouched like a vulture next to prey.
“F-fuck you. I’ve seen worse.” He growled
The regret in saying that was nearly instant. In the blink of an eye, the ground next to his head - that was solid concrete what the hell- was shattered. The villain was making an inhuman noise, a low gutteral sound coming from them. “You haven’t seen my worst. I wasn’t gonna do much to ya, but I’m starting to change my mind kid.”
He knew he should do anything else - he was already on a thin line - but fuck it. He had a free hand anyways. He grabbed something from his pocket and slammed it against the villain. “As I said before. Fuck. You.” He pressed the button on the side.
The machine sparked to life. Quite literally. Danny still didn’t know what it was supposed to do, but he could make it shock things. Like a weird taser. Unlucky for Danny he was literally pinned to the ground beneath the villain getting tased. And as everyone knows. Humans are conductive. Very conductive. 
Strangely the villain didn't even flinch. The growl getting louder as they grabbed the device from their shoulder and crushed it with their hand. Danny started shaking. Okay so that was a horrible idea. 
The shadows of the alley gathered around the villain. Climbing up their clothing and slowly slithering along their arm. They held Danny down, forming chains around him. In the villain’s hand, a knife, absorbing all light, The villian made the move to attack, and Danny closed his eyes, waiting for the pain to come.
It never did.
It lessened. 
Weight lifted from him, a weight he hadn’t realized was there besides his arm. Tentatively he opened his eyes. 
The villain was on the ground a few meters away from him, knocked out and tied up to a fire exit- similar to how Batman would leave criminals for the cops. Danny blinked. He hadn’t heard anything. So what in the world happened? And how could that have happened so fast? 
Standing up, he looked around for a sign of anyone being there to help him.
Oddly enough. It seemed no one had caused the villain to go down, at least not that Danny could see. Blue eyes scanned the area for a moment, looking for anything that wasn’t there before. Nothing popped out. Nothing was out of place. It looked like no one had been there.
He let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. The air condensed, forming mist as it left his mouth and floated away. It was like when he first stepped outside in the winter. Which was strange- it was the middle of summer. A small frown formed on his face. The nights here weren’t that cold normally. 
He brushed it off, ignoring the goosebumps running along his skin as the air chilled. Perhaps whoever knocked the villain out had a rather cold quirk, he mused to himself. Heroes normally make themselves known at this point, checking to see if he was okay. 
He had an inkling it wasn’t a hero. At least not a licensed one. Not that he minded. He didn’t care who it was really. They saved his life… he was grateful for that.
Danny looked up to the clear sky, moonlight peaking over the buildings enough to illuminate the alley where the street lights glowed. He smiled up to the stars. “Thank you.” He said softly. “I wasn’t paying attention tonight.”
He left the alley, starting his way back home. He never caught sight of the figure watching him.
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anxiousgaypanicking · 3 years
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okay so i recently watched the metal family (the english dub) on youtube and i sent my friend a ton of information on it - my thoughts, my theories, etc, and then i thought of a sanders sides related universe for it 
technically some things differ, as in the part i wrote glam and chive (who ive assigned to logan and remus) eventually end up together, but whatever 
and, because im a whore for attention im going to post here exactly what i rambled about because i was spilling out thoughts that just made my heart beat faster. so basically, the metal family: sanders sides edition 
spoilers for the metal family. 
basically i was thinking of logan and remus basically as these two characters, with logan as glam/sebastian and remus as chive, and logans parents putting a lot of pressure on him as their only child, and his dad is suffering abuse to so he cant even stick up for logan, and when he does bad he has to put out his arm and roll his sleeve up and his moms hits it repeatedly, and in the show glam doesnt react until he showers bc thats when it stings (until a certain scene where glams dad slaps it so hard he fucking bleeds a lot and starts sobbing and its like part of when he snapped) but thats probably what he does, and obviously the butler also gets mad and snaps on him a lot too, but when he goes to that music exam and gets second place to remus (who he met briefly on the way to the music exam - youll understand this more if you end up watching the series), hes shocked, and as remus walks him home he explains what he did on the guitar, and gives him the bach vinyl and logan squints but takes it anyway, and when he announces he got second he gets scolded, they mock him for who he lost too, and the back vinyl is taken by his mother, hes scolded for thinking he could ever be on par (logan plays the violen btw - he entered the music exam with a violen and its what his mouther abuses him for when he plays wrong or doesnt answer right/right away to note related questions) with bach, and then hes hit with the ruler and sent back to his room, where he plays the bach vinyl thinking it will be bach but then its metal and it sort of awakens something in logan and he sort of snaps
when he runs into remus again remus offers to teach him, steals an amp and guitar from the observatory, and then when he goes home then this is where hes hit until his forearm is literally dripping with blood and hes sobbing, but sort of that unhinged sort of sobbing where hes like :) while sobbing and bleeding, and his mom is saying hes no longer allowed to take walks because he was late, went through the park, ran in a suit, etc, and how logan will be studying with her daily from now on, and through gritted teeth, a sob, and a smile, as he clutches his bloody wrist hes like "yes mother, ill study under you every day. every day. every day." and he and remus had luckily agreed already to meet by the dumpster at midnight, and thats what they start doing
remus teaches him how to play, and logan literally gets no fucking sleep and becomes more and more sleep deprived as hes taught more and more and it makes him more and more manic and unhinged, and he has periods where he fucking snaps and can play the bass super well because hes fueling his anger and his trauma into how aggressively he plays and is actually super good, and eventually he and remus get a gig with these two other bandmates 
and that happens to be the day that the way he hides his diary (where he gets out his murderous thoughts over his father, writes about lying to him, and writes down notes for music he wants to make) and his model of the city (which hed spent a lot of time on and cared about a lot and made out of every day things like lightbulbs and pencil shavers and had to keep hidden) were revealed and his mother found them, and she threw it into the trash where logan saw it crumbled as he walked home in the rain, and while his mother is aggressively shouting at him she says something along the lines of "who are you going to choose. your family, or some vagrants!?" and logan sort of snaps, goes wide eyed, and walks the other way, despite the fact its rianing and his mother demands him to come back, and then starst screaming about how if he ever comes back to the door hell never be allowed back inside, and thats where that episode ends
and basically i was thinking that logan leaves, and sort of walks around in his suit with his violen for a while, before he goes back to the alley where he hides his guitar that remus stole for him and his punk clothes, and he grabs them both and sort of mindlessly wanders until he ends up back in front of remuss trailer
when logan shows up remus doesnt realize until he opens the door of his trailer and prepares to leave and logans just standing there staring, utterly soaked, and he craves his neck up when remus walks out and remus is like "holy shit dude, you scared me. its not even midnight here. how long have you been here?" and logan doesnt answer, and hess not used to tocuhing people or being touched gently, but he sort of falls into remus, and collapses against him, and he starts sobbing because he just lost his family, and he left his dad all alone, but ehs finally free from the abuse, and hes so tired and so confused and hes never felt so unsure of his next move but remus just pulls him inside, brings his stuff inside, they step over his sleeping and drunk parent, and remus takes logan to his room (possibly the one he shares with roman ?) and basically just hugs logan as he sobs and cries and eventually passes out against him because hes literally so fucking sleep deprived, and remus takes liberty to change logan out of his sopping wet clothes, but then both of logans arms are covered in scars, some of them still scabbed, and remus is immediately concerned but he decides hell ask about it when logan wakes up, and basically ust goes out and shoplifts some food or steals from his parent to buy shit, and when logan wakes up hes given low quality food that he accepts gratefully, apologizes for showing up unceremoniously and being so informal, but remus just hesitantly wraps an arm around him, and logan accepts it, and remus says its fine while cuddling with him and then again hesitantly asks what happened
and logan sort of goes silent and doesnt talk about it, but clears his throat and asks if its okay he stays here, and theres already three people living in this trailer so he feels bad for asking, but remus just pulls him closer and is like "yeah man! of course you can stay!" because obviously hes not going to tell logan no after what he just pulled, so he lets logan stay, and remus and roman bicker for it a bit when logan uses their small ass bathroom to shower, and by the end remus has basically bribed roman into going along with it
and logan has to adjust to not being a wealthy - althought not spoiled - person anymore, and sometimes he reacts to things on instinct. he breaks something and remus comes up behind him and asks what happened and logan just sort of stares straight ahead, rolls up his sleeve, and sticks out his arm, and remus is like  logan?? and it takes logan a few seconds to snap out of it and he sort of gazes at remus, goes wide eyed, and then apologizes as he brings his arm back in and rolls down his sleeve, and he seems really awkward but also quite relieved, and remus has never hurt him before, but it was just sort of that reactive thing, and that happens to be the day where remus decides to ask what those scars are, and asks to finally treat them properly because he hears logans whimpers and hisses in the shower
he and roman have their fair share of scars from their own shitty drunk parent, so they know pretty damn well how to take care of them, and how to steal bandages and shit, so remus helps clean them out and up while logan sort of quietly tells remus all about his life, why the music exam was such a big deal, and how remus basically changed his life, and how hes still confused and doesnt know if he made the right decision, and remus doesnt respond until the end where he bandages up logans arms and then gently grabs his hand and tells logan that hes safe now, and that being surronded by people who only put you down and more so hurt you isnt good, and that he believes logan made the right decision because hes safe here with them (the twins make sure to keep him guarded from the drunk parent) and roman seconds that from his spot on the bed, and so logan tries to put his past behind him and instead focus on playing music with remus, and playing shows at bars and stuff where they slowly gain a larger and larger fan base, and they make more and more money from the awesome music they play, and eventually use that money to buy their own house
i know its a lot, but just imagine. imagine
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cowboyjen68 · 3 years
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Hey jen first off congrats on your new tshirt lol but also, do you know of any lesbians that truly didn’t realize they were gay or different until they were much older? i didnt realize I might be gay until I was 19 and even then, there was SEVERE self doubt cus I was well aware how my abusive father had and continues to completely warp and destroy how I view, trusted (i didnt and still dont) and interacted (i didnt and still dont) with cishetero men. Like I’m scared my sexuality is just a massive trauma response. Growing up I had a lot of what i thought were crushes on guys but a lot of times the ‘crushes’ were just me wanting to get their attention and be their friend. I did have a few “romantic” ones but again those men were completely unattainable and theres was no chance we’d ever date or that they’d ever pay me any attention and i...................took comfort in that. it wasnt until I was 19 that i had my first crush (or first that i was aware of) on a girl, but she was straight. and It wasnt until I got my first crush on another lesbian, at age 22 (im 26 now) that it truly smacked me in the face - I was literally losing sleep over this girl, I could barely hold a conversation without blushing and stuttering, hearing her voice or seeing her walk by made my stomach perform a simone biles floor routine, but when she smiled at or complimented me id be smiling goofily for the rest of the day. Then i found out she had a gf and my heart dropped to my ass and while I hate to admit it, i felt the petty jealousy and envy bubbling up to the surface (but i absolutely never acted on it cus i knew the feelings were irrational and silly). Like I felt like I was back in middle school and like.......a guy has NEVER brought that intensity of emotions out of me. The first time I slept with a woman I loved it, and continue to love it and i know this paragraph is painting a massive picture of “yes you fucking idiot you are gay” but when i talk to or hear stories from other lesbians, I can never relate or align to that feeling of “knowing I was different since I was young”, I had 0 clue up until my 20s. that paired with my upbringing, plus smaller traumas here and there also centered around men..........like im truly scared that the day i fully heal is the day I’m gonna realize my sexuality is a lie. and its a big reason (besides mental and emotional instability) i avoid relationships even though i want one cus i dont wanna put another girl through hell just cus i cant figure MY shit out you know? Like this sounds so childish but I wish there was like an entrance exam or something that you can take and itll give you some type of definitive answer like: “yes youre gay”, “nope straight”, “maybe? need more info/experience” or “pls for the love of god go to therapy”
Ok.. first. yeah.. therapy can be great.. even for healthy, well adjusted people.
BUT:
Once of the reasons I didn't know "what" i was is because I had no exposure to role models that looked like me. No one to show me what life might look like besides what I saw with my mom and dad, the neighbors mom and dad, my uncles and aunts.. the man woman kids model. I had no words or word for my experience and not really any idea there was any option.
I knew was different especially once puberty hit, there was just no way for me to know how I was different or to know I wouldn't outgrow the "phase".
I always say, it is not necessary for any of us to have intimacy or sex with someone in order to have that "awakening" of our sexuality and I believe that. However, sometimes that little touch, kiss, tingly feeling can push us more towards our admitting it to ourselves sooner rather than later.
We all have different reasons to be unsure. In a neutral world it wouldn't matter, we would be attracted to whomever we are attracted to and that would be that. BUT the world is not neutral and figuring out out sexual orientation is important because it helps us fine our "safe" community in an often hostile world. Sadly that means we have to sort out our feelings, our experiences, social media and media and lots of lies and inconsistencies to separate that from for our innate sexual attraction. It is not always clear what is attraction, true passion and what is imposed upon us from outside pressure.
We all have different reasons to be unsure. In a neutral world it wouldn't matter, we would be attracted to whomever we are attracted to and that would be that. BUT the world is not neutral and figuring out out sexual orientation is important because it helps us fine our "safe" community in an often hostile world. Sadly that means we have to sort out our feelings, our experiences, social media and media and lots of lies and inconsistencies to separate that from for our innate sexual attraction. It is not always clear what is attraction, true passion and what is imposed upon us from outside pressure.
The good news is there is no time line and no shame in being wrong. Our innate sexuality does not change but our understanding of it does as we gain experience and get to know ourselves. Follow your heart. Do not date for others, date for yourself. You don’t need to know for sure to enjoy figuring it out. 
I can also tell you that I know lesbians my age who married men, had kids and had okay lives. It never occurred to them they were lesbians... then small things crept in. They realized what they thought was love was friendship. What they thought was passion was going through the motions. Then, one day, they met other lesbians, saw other lesbians and realized they had mistaken “finding a nice man” for love. and attraction. 
Don’t worry about the opinions of others. They don’t have any right to judge you or your past or your dating life. You are allowed to be wrong and to reevaluate yourself. I have a feeling that once you allow yourself to trust yourself you will figure things out much faster.
When you are ready to date you will not be too much for the right woman. Somehow all those things you think will be too hard for another will not be for someone with whom you click. It is also okay to not be ready to date. To take time for yourself. 
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gloriafc · 4 years
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Amazing Wife
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Jack never expected to let anyone close to his heart, until he met you. You had it the instant he laid his eyes on you.
You're a surgeon, a prodigy attending. You're friends with Miranda and Ben, when she was grumbling under her breath you asked her what was wrong, "Ben forgot to grab his lunch, so now I have to cancel my meeting to take it to him." "I can take it. My shift is almost over. I'm just finishing my paperwork."
You walked into the firehouse and Jack instantly walked over towards you with his charm on. "Can I help you with something?" "I'm just looking for Ben. He forgot his lunch." As soon as you finish your sentence Ben rounds the corner, "Prodigy! What brings you here?" You quickly toss the lunch box to him, "You stressing your wife out." Jack watches the two of you interact a little jealous of Ben for the moment. He instantly perks up when he hears Ben offer you a tour of the place, "Alright. I'll bite, only if theres coffee involved."
When you get to the end of the tour Ben shows you the kitchen where almost everyone is waiting for the girl they noticed instantly caught Jack's attention. They attempt to get to know you, not expecting you to be a super human. "Why does Ben call you prodigy?" "I sort of am. I specialize in multiple areas of surgery. Fetal, peds, gynecology, neuro, and plastics."
It takes Jack a few weeks of begging to get Ben to invite to one of their outings after work. Ben gets Miranda to agree to bring you drinking with everyone.
That night Jack manages to get your number, Ben eventually telling him he couldve just asked him for her number, "But what's the fun in that without the chase."
After a few months you begin dating. And Jack doesnt know how to explain it, but dating you is different than all the other woman hes dated before you. Eventually he figures it's because you're way out of his league, but soon realizes it's because you are different from ever single woman hes dated.
He can see how other men look at you, you're young and successful, and you're hot, what couldn't they want? And normally he'd get jealous but he trusts you with his life. The times he does get jealous or you look like you're getting uncomfortable he'll grab you by your hip and pull you close and he'll refuse to let you go for the rest of the night.
After a few years you get married and he finally knows what it's like to have a family of his own, even if it's just the two of you. You manage to talk him into considering getting a cat. And as much as he hates the idea, and hates how much the cat takes up all of your attention he'd get you another one if you asked.
After being married for two years you find out you're pregnant and at first Jack doesnt know how to feel, he doesnt want to end up like the parents hes never met. But you eventually ease him into the idea and then he couldn't be happier especially when you start to show. He's slightly upset he can't lay his head on your stomach as you watch tv anymore, but he's settled for drawing random shapes on your belly and watching the random movements from your child.
Jack is amazed when hes able to feel the baby kick. He goes as far as feeling it at least once a day minimum, if his hands could permanently stayon your stomach they would.
One day the two of you go separate ways, he heads off to work as you take advantage of your day off and decide to run some errands.
When he gets a call hes talking to Dean about random things like always. When they show up at the scene they get the rundown about the scene. "Three car accident, the last cars brakes failed as they were going down the hill. It rammed into the back of a parked car, that pushed it forward. There was a person walking between the second car and the one in front of it, squishing them." Jack looks at the scene and instantly recognizes your car as the one squished in the middle. Dean does as well and instantly tries to hold Jack back, "Jack you need to calm down." "CALM DOWN! THAT'S MY WIFE AND MY CHILD!" "Hey I get that. But the call says only one person was injured besides the driver." Jack freezes seeing you pop up on the side and start looking at the person stuck between the cars.
Before you realize what's happening you're trapped in two arms, and after a few seconds you realize its Jack from his cologne. You understand immediately what he was thinking and instantly start soothing him, "We're okay. I was inside using the bathroom when it happened okay?" After a few moments Jack's back in action. You get told to stay off to the side because of any fumes that may have been released from the cars. You watch everything happen until the person starts to seize.
You quickly grab a mask and a pair of gloves before climbing over your car and climbing behind the patient. "Y/N get down." "You're pregnant." "That's not safe." "Are any of you a neuro surgeon? This person will continue to seize unless you relieve the pressure in his head, can any of you do burr holes?" When no one answers you continue, "Then I suggest you listen to the pregnant person and get me a drill."
Ben assists you, being the only person with surgical experience, as you do the burr holes. Everyone watches you in amazement as the patient slowly stops to seize as the blood build up is released. You stay behind the person, using your lap as a head rest as they start to move the car off of him. Jack makes you take his jacket when they have to bring out the saw, which gets him scolded at but he could care less, as long as he's keeping you safe. Everyone listens as you talk to the person, keeping him calm. "You two must be married." "What makes you say that?" You laugh when Ben jokes, "Their playful banter?" The guy chuckles as he mindlessly stares at the trees around him, "That's how I was when my wife was pregnant with our first child." You keep the man talking when he sucks in a breath, "How many kids do you have?" "Four. How'd you learn to do that?"
You smile at the man who's referencing to the burr holes you did. "I'm a surgeon at Grey Sloan. Neuro is one of my practices. One of the first things I learned as an intern actually." "Just one of your practices?" You let out a chuckle, "I like working with kids, so I took up pediatrics, then came fetal because why wouldn't a pediatric surgeon know how to fix a baby while it's still in the womb. Then gynecology because I might as well know how to deliver a baby. And finally plastics. Youd be surprised how many kids go through plastic surgery, especially disabled kids." The guy looks at you surprised, the fact that hes literally in a sandwich completely forgotten, "What made you decide to do all that? How'd you manage that?" You chuckle, "Grey Sloan has an amazing program and I jumped at the opportunity. It's sort of what happens when you get told you'd never be able to do something amazing. You prove people wrong and you go above and beyond." "Who told you that?" You let out a chuckle, "An ex actually. My dad wasn't too happy about that one." "What'd he do?" "My mom had to pick him up from jail for smashing every single window on the guys car."
Jack jumps in, "Her moms the one to be scared of though." You let out a laugh as the guy says, "Its always the mom. My wife would murder for our kids." You let out a laugh making the guy smile.
You ride in the ambulance, being one of the only people who'd be able to stabilize the man if he were to start seizing again, and your ride home completely totaled now. When the guy is taken away for surgery Jack bugs Miranda until she agrees to look you over, "Jack I wasnt even in the accident." "You were near it, the fumes and stress cant be good for the baby." Bailey smiles as the two of you go back and forth, "Y/N just lay on the table. You're both stubborn and we'll be here all day if no one stops you two." You give in and lay on the table as she does an ultrasound, the rest of the firehouse watch from the window in amazement as they see the baby on the small screen and they all couldn't be happier that Jack finally got his own family while they also get a niece or nephew, neither of you telling them what you're having just yet.
When the fire station has to leave Miranda is the one who offers to take you home if you're willing to wait for thirty minutes. You make dinner, Jack getting home right on time then you both continue your nights like you usually do. When it's starting to get late you find Jack looking at his laptop, eyebrows furrowed. "What's got you thinking so hard over here?" You come up behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and resting your chin on his right shoulder. "Cars? Really?" "We're going to have to replace the one that got totaled today." "Not one with... Military grade metal? Why dont you just look for tanks on sale?" "You think they have room for carseats?" You hit his arm at his joke making him laugh.
You end up going past your due date, so now it's just a waiting game for you both. As Jack is getting ready to go into work, knowing he can't sit still at all, especiallywhen hes so anxious to meet his kid, he finds you in the kitchen hunched over with your eyes closed and face twisted in pain. He immediately starts to rush over but almost slips, he sees the puddle of water on the ground and looks around confused. When he sees the wet spot on your pants it hits him. "When did your water break? We need to get you to the hospital now." You let out a groan when he tries to help you stand up straight, "When you started coming down the stairs."
Jack helps you to the car, before starting to speed his way to the hospital. He calls Sullivan on the way there, "I wont be there today. Y/Ns water broke.... shit. I forgot the hospital bag." You smile in your seat and between breaths say, "It's fine. There's. One in. My locker. Bailey has one. In her. Office. Too."
Jo and Meredith are the ones to see you enter the hospital, both immediately knowing what's happening, "Jo page Carina and get the hospital bag from her locker. I'll take her to the delivery floor."
You're in labor for most of the day, your friends stop by through the day to check on you and give their congratulations. Jack is by your side the whole time, he's a nervous wreck honestly but hes managed to stay calm until you have to start pushing. By dinner time you've welcomed a baby boy, who has very healthy lungs. Your room is filled with balloons from your friends, as you both sit watching the sleeping boy.
Before the night can end you look at the doorway where the firehouse is standing with even more balloons, along with flowers and what smells like stew. "Hey." Dean is the first to push into the room, he quickly hands you the tupperware of stew before turning to his best friend, "Where is my nephew?"
Everyone gives their congratulations as your son is passed around, "What's his name?" Jack immediately says, "Jack jr." You simply roll your eyes and shake your head before looking at the boy who's now in your arms, "Its Jaxon. With an x. Cant let Jack's ego get too big now."
When everyone is gone and it's just your small family in the room you happily lay next to Jack, now able to press your face into his neck without a giant belly in the way. As you're falling asleep you hear Jack say, "Did we really have a baby today?" You smile and kiss his neck, "We became parents today. You became a dad." You chuckle when you hear Jack huff, "That's going to take some time to get used to." "You'll be fine. We have eighteen years to get it right."
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Note
Oh you know what I’m gonna ask 😏😏
Fearless Taylors version ralbert vibes GO GO GO
cause there’s so MUCH that’s so PERFECT for them
THERES SO FUCKING MUCH SHDBHDHRJRJJFHRG
how does one words on this fine day at 12:42am
OK LETS GO
- love story
do i even need to- listen ok i’m here to sob about royalty ralbert aus till i fuckin die. it’s just SO PERFECT.
just lil picnics under the stars and love drunk slow dances that are really just embraces that slowly sway in a circle cause race started humming something his mom used to sing when she got around to baking and race, furious and beautiful as he yells and shouts and fights for the right to pick who he loves,,,,, and who he loves is albert. ugh end me it’s so great
- white horse
this one is for everyone else i already yelled at jorja about this
ALBERT, BUT HE’S A LIL MORE DAMAGED AND EMOTIONALLY CLOSED OFF, AND RACE CANT TELL IF IT MEANS HE DOESNT LIKE HIM AS MUCH AS RACE LIKE AL OR IF HE JUST CANT EXPRESS IT, AND OF COURSE ITS THE SECOND ONE BUT AL C A N T GET THE WORDS OUT AND IS TOO DEFENSIVE AND JUST-
RACE SPITS OUT THE LINE ‘i’m gonna find someone someday, who might actually treat me well’ AND STORMS OUT AND SLAMS THE DOOR AND ALBERT BREAKS DOWN
like he’s sobbing and throwing things and just UGH you can’t tell me he wouldn’t punch a wall
usually albert is touchy of his own accord and loves to tell race he loves him JUST BECAUSE HE KNOWS RACE NEEDS IT but can you imagine if, despite how hard he tries, albert c a n t get the words out to tell him and race is just- tired of it??? IM IN PAIN THIS IS TOO ANGSTY FOR ME
MOVING ON-
- the way i loved you
now this is a post breakup one fs cause GOD can you imagine
race and fucking w h o e v e r, cause it doesn’t matter cause it’s not albert dasilva and he’s so painfully aware of that
race and albert would get on like fire and gasoline, or like water and oil. there was ABSOLUTELY zero in between. they were fiery and passionate and so in love that it eventually tore them apart cause they finally cracked under the pressure of so much emotion
and race remembers every little thing albert used to do that irked him and ground at him until he couldn’t take it anymore, but he also remembers every angle, every hair, every wisp of air albert breathed while they were together, cause everything about them together was extreme
and he misses it, cause he feels like he floats around now, no spark or emotion or anything. ffs he wouldn’t be able to tell you if he had been breathing if it wasn’t for the fact he hadn’t died.
and yeah, the song would have to go from “loved” to “love”, cause all that never actually went away.
- you belong with me
is this the entire reason i made this post? you bet your ass it is OH MY FUCKING GOD
first of all,,,,,,, FOOTBALL ALBERT
ffs i’ve watched remember the titans too many times for this
albert plays second string quarterback, naturally, and first string gets injured on a missed audible and albert has to make the pitch he’s missed a thousand times in practice, and he’s freaking out (this is literally just a plot point of that godforsaken movie, watch remember the titans just once for my sanity)
race is in that very stereotypical band section of the bleachers, but the instant first string got injured he’s abandoning his post with the megaphone and SPRINTING to where albert is and just pushes his hair out of his eyes, gives him a very dramatic, very race like kiss, shoves his helmet into his hands and says “give ‘em hell, baby” and that’s really all albert needs
also, just like in this movie that is for some reason a really accurate portrayal of albert as a football player, he checks the shit out of the lineman on the other team that broke first string’s hand and the other team tries to call unnecessary roughness on the goddamn quarterback
anyway
- hey stephen
this is the most important one let’s be real
has race’s pov energy, but could be either. race is naturally dramatic, but race makes albert a whole new kind of cheesy and ridiculous
but are you telling me that race wouldn’t say something ridiculous like “cause i can’t help it if you look like an angel” and NOT be embarrassed by how fucking mushy it is
cause if you are you’d be dead fuckin wrong
and the thing is, it’s a very crushy, honeymoon phase type of song
but for ralbert it would always apply. they just,,,,,, always look at eachother like the heavens parted and gave them the other.
UGH i want a romance like theirs
i think that’s all i got for now (they say, like they didn’t just write a fucking novella) thank you mother goose ilysm !!!!
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musubiki · 4 years
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limochi first kiss?
ooh gosh,,..the pressure...,,...ill jus talk about one beta version that i keep thinking about,,,,,
- so this definitely happens during the main story, most likely post-timeskip because im 100% taffy is there too and also on their side
- its also a mermaid episode because theyre called sirens for a reason
- but anyway, it happens in the middle of a fight with the mermaids. why are they fighting?? i dont know. the witches and mermaids hate each other. its just one of those fights.
- but the mermaids specialize in a siren spell thats capable of entrancing/hypnotizing males (has no effect on females), and it CAN be broken other ways, but in the middle of a fight the fastest way is a kiss
- and the spell becomes a huge problem because 1) 3/5 guild members are boys, and without them only coco is really equipped for any combat next to water, and 2) these boys will be drowned if theyre lured deep enough into the water
- and when mochi tells coco how to break the spell, cocos is like “Oh, no problem!” and she just grabs taffys collar and JUST KISSES HIM, and then DOES THE SAME TO OSCAR!!!!! (and theyre both broken out of it but also like “?!???!????/////?!?/?!/” taffy is not okay.)
- and coco shouts over to mochi something to the effect of “Now go take care of lime!” and mochi like. clamps up. her face is all red. shes panicking about stupid things in the middle of a huge problem. arguing back like “me??! with lime?? right now?!”
- and coco turns into the bad cop mom friend YELLING scoldings at mochi like “THIS ISNT THE TIME TO GET SHY WHATS WRONG WITH YOU” while mochi yells back about how theres gotta be another way or something
- and coco is like, “Damn it, mochi! if you dont get over there and kiss that boy IM GONNA DO IT and NO ONE WILL ENJOY THAT-” which mochi follows up with a frustrated and embarrassed “FINE!!” as she stomps over angrily to lime, (who, by the way, is being lured into the dark water with each passing moment )
- so mochi grabs him by the front of his jacket, and forces him to turn his head to her, and she mutters out a quiet “This is not how i wanted this to go.” and the next moment she pulls him down and props herself on her tip-toes and kisses him.
- the spell breaks and he regains consciousness as soon as her lips meet his, but the kiss lingers. for lime its one of those “for a moment i had no idea whats going on, but the love of my life is kissing me so ive lost all ability to think or reason why,” and he enjoys it. a lot.
- his hands fall on her waist and he leans into the kiss. squeezes her up against him. his lips follow hers when she pulls away. she broke the spells but now hes dazed for another reason. he unconsciously mutters out a soft “Oh...wow...” and theres hunger dripping in his tone.
- he tries to lean in to kiss her again, but theyre actually reminded that they are, in fact, in the middle of a fight, when some projectile almost whacks them in the head
- the fight ends up okay. mochi and lime. are not ok
- catch lime sitting on the floor outside the beach house where theyre staying for the episode, leaning against the wall, trying not to think about it but failing horribly. horny energy
- the Awkward Interactions(tm) that follow, complete with accidentally brushing each other resulting in frantic, loud, and embarrassingly overt apologies, making eye contact for .2 seconds and whipping their heads the other way, fidgeting, barely talking, and coco just eating popcorn in the back giggling evilly
- (taffy and oscar were also Not Okay(tm). coco was fine. shes was just “what bro its just a kiss lmfao” and taffys trying not to just. implode.) 
- mochi keeps thinking about the way he kissed her back. the way his hands clutched at the fabric of her sweater. what he muttered afterward. she kinda wants to talk about it to clear the air but theres nothing to say.
- i dont know how this episode ends i just know this probably happens 
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grahamcarmen · 3 years
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Hi, so I just finished the new season today! I have so many thoughts, the last few episodes felt kind of rushed? I wished they had gone about the whole situation between Gray and Carm at the end differently. More so on seeing them reunited. My biggest question, is why was he so quick on going back to VILE? He knew what they were capable of yes, was it to feed his criminal impulses? Why did ever want to steal in the first place? What led him to that conclusion and how did he learn of VILE? I was keen on seeing more of his backstory, and still need time to let the story simmer so I can analyze it more. It's just confusing. I guess it's just because the show ended that I feel so bittersweet y'know. What do you think Carmen would've done after they all disbanded? How could she leave them so quickly after she just got back to Team Carmen in the end? Besides wanting to see her mother. I was hoping they'd at least stay together.
i think that more than a few people feel that ( the knee jerk incredulity at her just leaving them a note and yeeting was real)
like disclaimer again: i do love carmen and this season this is just expanding on some little ??’s
on gray and “thinking gray.”: I was also feeling the lackluster on the payoff motivation wise for gray returning to VILE ( which was definitely needed as he was the secret weapon needed to finally get evil carmen back and at least partially inevitable due to ownership of the choices yadadadada )but like when he finally got his memories back he just repeated some things that i never really doubted. that gray did this of his own free will, he probably is of a lower empathy in general (which does not mean incapable of caring and doing the right thing. just that..~~~), that he regretted hurting carmen. in s1 he says his primary motivation as making more money and i was like”mmhmm fits.” being a thief and all and why not since they hadn’t introduced the big “needs to be able to tie up loose ends.” as a operative qualifier to anyone, including some of the recruits there. the only newer thing was his video that he seeked them out. which is interesting and all but sets him up as a go-getter so its so confusing that he’d choose to return to VILE ...a place where he was hurt and is so freaking selfish with what capers they choose to pursue. i kinda went on a tangent on another post that there is a theme of using a false sense of bonding to give them a little more loyalty which is like really heavy considering that means offering a “home” to what looks like operatives who might all be orphans but i don’t think it was highlighted enough to say “HEY YO” even tho GRAY LOOKS SO TIRED TO LEARN ABOUT HIS PAST WITH VILE
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its really interesting because of the 3 people who had access to him/nature we got; carmen who only encouraged his desire to help (for the kiddos, for her safety, for assuring her that they were in...whatever... together, and make sure that they weren’t being secret spy jerks) ACME who got like...0 usefulness (riperonis ma guys), and VILE with maelstrom just hammering home all his shadier deeds with  “YEAH THIS IS YOU.”  AND HIM JUST ACCEPTING IT AFTER SITTING FOR A LONG AF TIME ALONE.
and when this was happening I was thinking about this analysis from another fandom about characters who resign to the law of the strong which could have been a reason for why gray doesn’t seem to hold the consequences for his failure against VILE even though he really should. (if they bothered but listen-)
its something that happens when characters choose to live in worlds they know are unfair, know that they choose to lie and steal and cheat, and thus should not be surprised or hurt when it happens to them in return. which of course lead to them not knowing where to draw the line on what happens to them...and i mean this in like some narratives usually go (hahaha no thats messed up please gtfo being treated like that is not ok and in allowing others to define your limits you are whittling yourself away). and they decide to live in resignation that. i am capable of bad... so i AM bad. (I am that guy. i’ve always been that guy) and makes them absolutely ripe for the (but you’ve been good . you can choose to be better.  it won’t erase the wrongs of the past but it will make for a better future)
but that still leaves exploration of “WHY WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE BY THE LAW OF THE STRONG??” and you know...not having anyone to rely on, poverty, or what was simple rebelliousness turning to darker and darker paths, are some easy reasons to put a spotlight on maybe our operatives having depth and like..arcs. especially any of those reasons combined. ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY’RE WHAT VILE CONSISTENTLY IS SHOWN OFFERING. (shadowsan really is their s-tier character huh)
which i really thought this show would go for when a shivering brunt who is loyal and protective asked if she was really going to be left behind or remember how unsympathetic most of them seemed to see carmen chloroformed because “she did interrupt our heist.” meaning that they understand this world. probably have understood it for longer than anyone should. (antonio being content as a “pawn” is the tenant in my head today) and why shouldn’t more money be important. or honestly how simple it was to accept that someone would just need more money.
with gray they introduced that he could be good and he could be bad but like leaned into “no all that niceness was fake and he’s bad.” due to the hyper specificity of the mind wipe apparently? which also leans into really flat interpretation of evil!carmen (i just mean that there is a lot there ...) meaning theres no really exploration of him and more of a judgment (even though he’s shown to be kind, snarky, and upfront, as himself without a mind wipe.) and then we wait...
the pacing of the last 2 episodes: adrenaline bebe!!! but also there were so many concepts being introduced and resolved and skimmed past so that it is a little confusing at some conclusions. like the scene you’re talking about where carmen just leaves a note and ghosts is like 30 seconds and thats a lot to unpack because ?? i’m really thinking that it might have been insinuating that carmen left them the pen specifically to give them a new home to wait for her because she was going on that little break like she planned (and they knew was the endgoal) because it was behind her note and presumably placed by her but because i was focusing on the letter goodbye like ??? i thought for some reason that it was zack saying he would now like to try ACME because HE thought of it and i was like ??when did you consider this?? and 3rd watch i was finally “ahhh ok ok i think i get it.”
another bitten off scene i think might have been when gray in his first mission is already exhibiting signs of going...”huh this is not good.”
from stopping carmen from unprofessionalism to seeing that new carmen is willing to up and leave the group for mental gymnastics instead of relying on them 100% to going to the ferris wheel where he DEFINITELY SAW HER TRYING TO KILL A CIVILIAN since it showed his reaction after ivy’s. and then it turn to team red because how they feel about it definately matters more than gray but its also so easy to miss that choosing to have gray witness that as the start of what makes him turn himself in (maybe this is just a possible interpretation and its midnight ok)
evil carmen! lost her empathy. ok. so then like thats a static judgment about how they’re gonna make her do bad stuff and she still absolutely cares about her history and VILE still needed to enforce bonding and giving her memories that they comforted her and gave her her coat so thats why she cares about it and her anger at betrayal and sense of loss that she still throws right in shadowsans face when “evil”
carmen thought she crossed a personal line?? like jeeeeeez that’s 6 months of crossing lines and the most recent and horrifying one happened like not even a minute ago and then 5 seconds later we get chief and her reconciling because yes it needed to happen so we’re not gonna address how traumatizing it was or
VILE JUST WENT ALL THE WAY DOWN HUH??
and all these things are important and have the groundwork for happening but man they just happen one after the other and its like
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before moving on to the next thing and like let me breathe omg
and yeah that means that so many people were left confused because the show about family (carmen’s family that SHE built ) seemed to disband for carmen to go to see her mother at last alone, shadowsan to go to his brother and a heartbroken pair of red heads to join ACME
and we get a time gap before reuniting but only a few seconds to decide if reuniting was the plan all along(the pressure point)
and there is a lot of actual IN TIME that is broad strokes that many people have already picked whats going to haunt them that wasn’t explored more...
TLDR; i get it on both counts (gray and rushed)! glad there was some sweet in your bittersweet and since canon definitely had team red in the same place they absolutely reunited and moved back into the shop and carmen talked to them about how great her mom is and planned a dinner
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wearethewinx · 3 years
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fate episode 3 spoilers
ok THATS rosalind for sure
i love how we have yet to see even ONE of their actual classes. like, we saw them at the stone circle doing 20 seconds of practice each and that was IT
WOOOOOO SILVA FUCK YES DADDY SILVA
damn the show heard me. classwork! and look at bloom, suddenly having perfect control after doing absolutely nothing to earn it. like, literally what are we supposed to think happened here? she went from being a walking frag grenade to being a prodigy because. a monster ran at her?????
is it just how terras dressed that makes her look old enough to be a mother of three
SKYPE? YOUR PARENTS USE SKYPE? WHO THE HELL USES SKYPE SINCE LIKE 2015
terra dont pretend like you dont know how annoying you are. youre written to be annoying
i do like that the 'strongest fairy in a decade' is a dude. or rather i WOULD like it if fairies were sparkly and feminine in this show and not just glorified mages
lol ok they canonized weed flora terra i like that
ok but WHY did a highschool teacher 'basically raise' the CROWN PRINCE OF A COUNTRY? did sky not have a governess or whatever
this sky is worse than og sky. og sky was a scumbag. this guy is BORING
sky if you know that stella didnt actually intentionally blind her best friend then say so, dont allude to it. if stella has this secret soft side then fuckin show us
i look away from the screen for ONE second and where the goddamn hell Is bloom rn
flora genuinely looks and acts like she could be danes mom. the mental image of them dating feels Wrong
'cocky pervy bisexual' is exactly my flavor. why did they have to make riven so. nasty. they couldve just made him less predatory and id be gaga right now
bloom when aisha helps: wtf fuck you??
bloom when aisha doesnt help: wtf fuck you??
HOW DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS VERSION OF BLOOM. SHES NOT A LOVABLE HOTHEAD SHES AGGRESSIVELY STUPID AND MEAN FOR NO REASON
SILVA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
bloom: im gonna get shitfaced and try to set a forest fire
god would she internalize consequences for once
smart sky. run after the burned one alone. genius
i will say i like musas makeup. that kind of artsy abstract design w the strong pop of color is exactly what id picture her wearing. SHAME SHES WHITE
also its starting to seem like maybe fairies didnt lose their wings organically but rather all the secrecy and general incompetence in the fairy education system led to severe magical deterioration
oh so bloom can track burned ones until theyre 3 feet behind her
OH SO A BUNCH OF MAGIC HIGHSCHOOL FRESHMEN CAN DEFEAT A BURNED ONE BUT NOT AN ARMY OF TRAINED SOLDIERS
'i kinda liked your adams apple' is that supposed to be a thing a human would say. also can beatrix just disintegrate peopple how does that make sense for her powers
WOOOOOO SILVAS BETTER OH THANK GOD
'im the heir to the solarian throne you dont know what kind of pressure im under' hes the heir to his throne too you selfish idiot
'is it possible youre just the daughter of a scared teenager who didnt know what to do about her pregnancy' aisha just listen to yourself. changelings are a switch. what happened to the other baby
and bloom get OVER yourself. you literally dont have to believe theres something more. do you realize how many fucking kids are given up by their parents? dont give me this 'real mom' shit. fucking hate shows perpetuating these toxic ideas about adoption fucking hate this whole changeling fuckup
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cozytruecrimeaddict · 4 years
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I Think I Need Help (Hotch x OC) pt 3
Hey I’m back. (Also I wish the pages app would show me the word count on these because dang, this was like 5 pages of writing)
So this does not 100% follow season 2 episode 11 anymore. 
However, my warnings still stand
WARNINGS: regular CM violence, rape, suicide, self harm, and light cheating 
Nothing besides the light cheating goes into a lot of detail, just mentions and I want anyone who reads this to be prepared
I quickly rush to gather anything that is visible and bloody and stash it. I remember when I first got close with Aaron, I gave him a key to my place. In case anything happened, so someone had access to my stuff and whatever else might be needed. I’m surprised he didn’t use it this morning. 
After that I showered as fast as I could, coming back into my room and changing. I threw everything I needed into my bag and ran into the kitchen, only to find Aaron sitting at my kitchen table. 
“Did you speed here or something?” I smiled at him. Just pretend Sam. He won’t figure it out. He won’t try to profile you.
“I was worried. I don’t like being worried about you.”
“Well, you’re not my Dad, Aaron. You don’t have to worry about me.” 
“Morgans brought up that he’s worried too.”
“I’m fine.”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that. You haven’t been acting like yourself.”
“I’m fine Aaron. I don’t know what I can do to prove it to you. I’m just stressed and tired. Lets get back to the office okay.”
Aaron stood up, brushing past me on the way to the door. I really hate lying to him. But, there’s no way in hell I’m telling him the truth. Just one more, before you go. I shake off the thought. I’m not addicted to this again. This isn’t my life. This won’t be my life. I’ll die before that happens. 
“So, what did I miss this morning?” I ask, kinda annoyed I slept in on such an important case. 
“No new suspects, yet. Another body was found, this one with word ‘failure’ carved into her abdomen. Gideon had just started his psych eval with Nathan before I left.” 
Failure, did he emphasize that word on purpose? Is that all he thinks of you. Just the little kid charity case he has to babysit. He hates you. He doesn’t want you around.
“So, how likely is it that the kid did it?” I shake off my thoughts. Stop it Sam. Aaron is one of your best friends. He loves you and cares about you. No he doesn’t. Stop pretending.
“It’s hard to say, I don’t want to believe he did it, but it is still possible.”
I sighed, trying to calm my thoughts. How strange though, to be comforted by the thought of my blood running down my arm. 
“Aaron…”
“Sam.”
“Please don’t worry about me. I promise, I’m fine. And if I wasn’t, I’d do whatever it takes to make sure I stayed alive for you and everyone else.”
“The do whatever it takes part is what worries me.” Aaron started, changing lanes and pulling into our parking lot. “Ever since you started with us, you’ve become one of my best friends. I really care about you and I know, I’m over protective.”
I can’t. I can’t have him caring. Theres only one way out of these thoughts. If 10 years wasn’t enough to end them completely, what would be?
“Let’s just get inside..” I got out of the car, and he followed. 
The elevator ride took forever. I felt Aaron watching me, studying me. As we reached the floor the offices were on, I stepped forward.
“Don’t try to profile me, Aaron. You won’t like what you find.”
He came up along side of me and whispered something in my ear that made my heart sink. 
“I know your neighbors aren’t in a band. I’ll figure out what’s going on eventually” 
And he just walked away.
I sat down by Reid as Gideon had brought the kids mom into his office. From the looks of it, it wasn’t going too well. 
The day passed by me in a blur of files, and trying to figure out how this all could have happened. How am I still here, why am I here. I’m not helping this investigation whatsoever and I’m really no use to the BAU at all. Especially if they all have to worry about me. 
Thats when I noticed it, a damp spot on the left arm of my black top. I must have subconsciously started picking at the cuts. I get up and head to the bathroom, cleaning and drying them as quickly as possible. I got back to my desk, and Nathans mom was looking for him. He wasn’t back at home in his room and she had found some pretty disturbing edits to an edition of Hustler. 
We all split up and made our way through the street searching for him. Until, another body was found.
This was…. wrong. Our unsubs profile was literally that he kills early in the morning. Not killing late at night, and to also have him dump this girl at the base of the Federal Building? It doesn’t make sense. Even if he was devolving, this takes risk. This takes prior knowledge of what’s happening around here. 
Hotch says as much, but it still doesn’t mean Nathan didn’t just do this as he was passing the poor girl and kept running. 
Reid follows a local cop who found the kid, and he brings him in. 
Back at the offices, Aaron asks to speak to me in his. 
“I think you should sit the rest of this one out, Sam.” 
“Why, Aaron?”
“You’re not all here, and I don’t know what’s going on with you, but no one is going to think any less of you for taking a couple days to figure it out.”
“I don’t know what else I can do to prove to you that I am okay. Am I the same as I was? No. But who would be? I know what actually went through some of these girls minds.” My chest tightened, and for a second, just a second, I was back in his basement, my hands tied behind me as he pushed himself into me. 
“Sam…” I heard Aarons voice, he sounded distant. 3 days, 17 hours, 22 minutes. I gave up. I was ready to die. They didn’t need me.
“Sam, I’m right here. You’re okay.” No, I’m not. I felt something gripping my wrist. No. I smelled the alcohol on his breath. I tried, I tried to break free. 
“No…” I whispered.
“Sammi!” Aaron raised his voice just a little, and the scene around me went back to his office.
“I… Wha… Aaron?” I felt something wet fall from my eyes, I pressed my finger gently underneath, wiping away tears. Aaron guided me to sit down in front of his desk, he kept his hand on my left forearm. That must be why I felt pressure, he probably grabbed me to help steady me. He leaned on his desk.
“Want to explain what just happened?” 
“If I knew, I promise you, I would.” 
“Talk me through it.”
There was a knock on the door. 
“Hang on a second, Sam.”
Gideon appeared, nodding at me.
“We found our guy, and we’re heading out to grab him now.” 
“Alright, I’ll be down in a second.” 
Gideon left, and Aaron came back to me.
“You’re sitting this arrest out, Sam. I want you to stay here and help Garcia. That’s an order.”
“I’m…”
“Don’t say you’re fine. We’ll talk about this later.” 
I went off to help Penelope with whatever she needed, 
She had everything under control and mostly we just talked. 
“Okay, but Sammi my love, you need to give me the details!” She smiled at me.
“What details Pen?” Seriously, what did she want.
“About Hotch? He’s so private with everyone except you. Like who is he? Is he a good kisser? A girl needs to know these things.”
I laughed. She wants to know everything I can tell her about Hotch?
“Oh no, I am not crossing that line.”
“Oooooh which lines and how many have you guys crossed.”
“He’s just my best friend.”
“hey!” 
“Okay, my best guy friend. I need my girls nights with you and JJ” 
“So no after work make out sessions?”
“He has Haley.”
“If all men were loyal, crimes of passion wouldn’t exist sweetheart.”
“He’s loyal to her.” As far as I knew. 
But, before I could have too much fun, something dark started creeping into my mind again.
She is just babysitting you. You were too much of a burden to be in the field, and you’re a burden on her. Why are you still even here? Why do you even bother waking up. Change that detail, and their lives would be better. You weren’t even good enough for the creep in his moms basement, or he wouldn’t have let you go back to them. 
Garcia noticed me zoning out, but by then, the team was back and Reid was talking to Nathan again. 
“Okay, that’s it. We’re going out tonight.” 
“Oh no, I’m not in the mood.”
“I will drag you. You are coming.”
She pulled me to my feet and dragged me out of her office. 
“Reid, come on. We’re going out.”
“I really wouldn’t be much company tonight.”
“You’re coming.” She insisted.
“Listen to her Reid, she’s dragging me along.”
He smiled at me, but gave in and got up. 
As we got to Pennys car, Reids cell phone rang. Everything just happened so fast. I was starting to psych myself up for heading out with them, but it wasn’t okay.
“Drive, and hurry.” Reid said as we all climbed into Penelope’s car. 
“What happened?”
“It’s Nathan…” Reid said. 
Oh no…. 
We got to the motel room, and everything was just wrong. Nathan was across the bed, both wrists slashed. 
I wasn’t in the motel anymore. I was 13 again. I was laying across my bedroom floor, begging for a reason. Any reason at all, to just stay. I couldn’t think of one. My own parents abandoned me because I was such a freak. I was too smart for my own good, yet not smart enough. I was graduating high school, and getting ready to start college at my age? The world was just beginning to open up, yet everything felt so small. Everyday everyone told me I was better off dead. Teachers ignored me. No foster parents cared enough to keep me around for more than a year. But that was all about to change. I wouldn’t be around long enough to care anymore. 
I felt myself put pressure on Nathans left arm, at the same time Reid got to his right. 
“Spencer…” I whispered, there was too much blood. Theres a chance that this kid was going to get what he wants. His answer to the pain. 
Everything faded into the background, as a paramedic guided me and Reid off the kid. 
I looked down, and my top was covered in blood, whether its my own or not, I don’t know. 
Outside, the team was waiting by the ambulance for us. 
Gideon guided Reid back towards his car, and Morgan took Penelope. But of course, I was alone. I started making the walk back to get to my apartment. I wasn’t even too far back to the main road when Hotch pulled up.
He got out of his car and hugged me to him.
“What happened? When Garcia said attempted suicide I thought…”
“I told you Aaron, I’d do whatever it takes to survive.”
“Come on, I’ll take you home.” 
“I’m fine with walking, if you had an extra shirt or something though, that’d be much appreciated.” 
“Sam, get in the car. I’m not playing this game tonight.” 
So, I gave in. I became the charity case yet again. The little girl who always needs her friends to protect her, even when she doesn’t deserve it. 
Hotch took the 20 minute drive back to my house. Instead of just dropping me off, and letting me head in to be with my thoughts, he followed me inside. 
“I’m fine.”
“We discussed this earlier, I never have and never will believe those words.”
“You should be with your wife and son.”
“I’m staying here tonight. I’m not leaving you alone right now, until I know you’re okay.” 
I sighed, putting my gun and badge in a drawer in my hallway and locking it. 
“I’m not your charity case, Aaron. I don’t need your help.” 
“Charity…. Sammi, is that really how you see yourself?” 
“Ever since I was taken..” 3 days, 17 hours, 22 minutes. “You and everyone else have been acting like one wrong turn and I’m going to break.”
“I’m going to break one of our rules tonight Sam, and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Aaron, we only have one rule for our friendship to work, and that’s that we can’t profile each other…”
He guided me to sit down on the couch and look at him. I hated that he was about to do this, and I hate that I need him in my life. I hate that I can’t let go to make his life easier.
“Ever since you’ve been back, you jump at every sound. You empathize better with our female victims, especially those who have been assaulted, which leaves me to believe that while we were trying to find you, you were assaulted, or at least threatened with it. The way you’re trying to get away from me right now makes me almost positive of that fact. The way you got lost in the blood from this past case leaves me to believe you have some kind of issue involving blood from the past, possible childhood or early adolescence. Once again, your body language right now gives me reason to think I’m correct. The way you’ve been….”
“S…st.. stop. Aaron. Please.” I moved closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. I took a breath, trying to steady myself. “If I tell you what happened when I was taken, you will never stop seeing me as this victim. I will never stop feeling like a burden on the team. I will never be able to get back what I lost. You want the truth, Agent Hotchner, the truth is that I’m barely hanging on. However, I’m fighting like hell to keep my head above water. All I have to do that with is my job, and making sure I stop the next creep before they do what they did to me, to someone else. If I tell you what happened, or anything that I have going through my head, you won’t even like me anymore. You’ll transfer me off to some other department and I won’t have only lost my job, or my friends, but I’d have lost my family. I’d have lost the only person that I love.” 
I didn’t realize it, but I had gotten so close to him. Our faces mere inches apart. I don’t know what’s happening. Why am I doing this. He’s married. He’s my best friend. But here I am, once again, messing things up. That was when I felt it. I saw his dark eyes staring into my blue ones. My heart literally skipped a beat, and in that second, Aaron had placed his hands under my chin and pulled me up to him. He kissed me softly, slowly. I moved just a little bit, wrapping my arms around his neck. Why was I doing this. Haley. Jack. I needed to stop. But, this felt right. As I pulled him to me, he leaned forward just a little bit more, causing us to fall backwards on my couch. I gasped, and I just stopped. I moved my hand to his chest, pushing back a little.
“We can’t..”
“I’m… I’m sorry. I…” He stuttered.
“I.. I can’t Aaron.”
“You said I didn’t like you.. you don’t even know how much…” 
“Stop.” I felt my eyes burning. I liked Haley, she was kind enough to ask me to be Jacks godmother. 
I moved Aaron off of me and got up.
“I need to shower, you… you can st..stay but I’m going to sh..shower and head to bed.” 
As I stormed off down the hall, I looked back to see Aaron sitting there with his head in his hands. I know he must be upset, he just kissed me when he’s married to Haley. I won’t be the reason his marriage ends. I just won’t.
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an-animagoose · 3 years
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Abel info dump 2 me about ur ocs challenge
alright its 12am and i dont expect this to make sense, read at your own risk but heres a bullshit couple paragraphs on ashley underwood, 
this is mostly ash because i think about her the most and this will make no sense because i haven't talked about her in literal months. ash is very complicated to me because i messed a lot with her characterization for a while and i still do, and i constantly wonder if I'm just shoving her into something convenient and stereotypical and therefore lessening her value, and then i decided that shes not real and i can make characters that don't make sense to anyone else but myself and i no longer also have to watch someone else take away pieces from her while i sit silently confused and hurt like i did before. anyway, she's very special to me because i put myself in her in a lot of small ways because she was the first oc i properly created. i made her originally for a fantasy storyline i was doing with some friends, and i thought she was very cool because she could do magic (doctor strange-esque, im not original) and then i gave her some trauma because its the next logical step. now i mostly think of her in all the modern aus that were created, and a lot of its with her old love interest (they had a very cool dynamic, sometimes childhood best friends to lovers, both with no idea how to be functional members of society, but i dont know if I'm like legally allowed to discuss them anymore so if i mention it once or twice my bad i just like knowing how my ocs act in relationships).  i don't really know how I'm supposed to write things so I'm just going to put some general information and then ramble for a billion words cool sorry
general things!! shes a disaster bisexual whos 5′8″ and surviving on coffee and spite, she has freckles and tan skin (half Spanish on her mom's side- speaking of her parents died when she was 10 either in a car accident or a murder I didn't make my mind up) very curly brown hair and worrying bags under her eyes. she can look intimidating at first because she has one of those resting bitch faces and a dislike of being alive (there's a little bit of mental illness as a treat) also I'm really tired writing this I'm so sorry
she's an English major- she loves books, spent most her teenage years with her nose in one because it was easier than talking to people and also they're Fucking Good, she has shelves filled with them and two copies of her favourites so she can fill one with notes and annotations and she cries is she ever accidentally ruins one, she never sleeps when she should, staying up till the early morning and then napping at every chance she gets (she has fallen asleep on all of her friends so often, and never makes it through the second hour of the movie unless it's important), she starfishes when she sleeps and is a nightmare to wake up because she will tell you rather impolitely to “leave her the fuck alone” (getting out of bed means dealing with the world and it's so tiring to do it over and over), she’s constantly cold, wrapped up in sweaters and if she's comfortable enough, clings to the closets human heater. speaking of, it takes her a while to warm up to people, used to absolutely shut herself off from getting close to people in fear of them leaving before going to ~therapy~.  she gets top grades in school because she works until shes burnt out and puts an overwhelming amount of pressure on herself, breaks down when she cant understand something in the first few tries because it feels like a failure, she does debate and writes poems and lyrics in beat up notebooks, hides them when people come over and owns like 3 guitars, sings unreasonably well and has scarily specific playlists, has round glasses she only wears when she has to because she cant see shit far away, catches colds often, brushes them off till shes forced into a bed, she studies the stars because theyre beautiful and unattainable and reads psychology books and likes true crime but only when theres a satisfying ending, she shows love through acts of service and physical touch, likes receiving quality time and words of affirmation, she takes polaroids of all her friends and sticks a bunch to her wall so she can stare at them and know that things are worth it now, has posters and art to remind herself of the little joys in life, will fight you about the star wars movies, overly competitive in a lot of things (mario-kart is a dangerous fucking game), curses a lot, stress bakes and cries when something goes slightly wrong, accidentally collects a following on tiktok from shitposting at 4am and having a nice aesthetic (and being pretty), would be the mysterious girl who you see/works at the bookstore/coffee-shop and fall a little bit in love with, writes essays last minute due to chronic procrastination and still aces it, is a ravenclaw, would be a child of hades in the pjo universe, would play outside hitter in volleyball (yes there was a haikyuu au), would be bassist in a band. i think this is all i can think of tonight because my eyes hurt but feel free to ask questions/ say anything honestly i really missed talking about my ocs and i have: many more that i will also talk about if anyone wants me to, (please. my inbox is so open please tell me abt ur ocs too i think its so fun)
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thewritingstar · 4 years
Text
Until My Heart Stops Racing
Pairing: Mitch x Mike (or Bitch as I like to call them, ya know cause Believe x Mitch.....nvm lol) 
Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls 
Note: This was a commission for the wonderful @lisathefan who gave me the cutest prompt and I know she loves her crack ships. I hope you enjoy my dear and thanks to my beta, Faxx for helping me! 
Word count: 5538
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The car whipped into the parking space, dirt flying around us and I felt my heart rate finally go back to its normal beating. I looked over to Butch who had a goofy grin and ignoring everything he just did.
“Butch your driving is terrible. Now I get why you fly everywhere.” I groaned as I finally got out of the car. “I swear if Brick saw how you drove this thing... actually I don’t want to think about it.” I thought that speeding was illegal but apparently if the cops can’t even see your car, it's a free pass. And being in touch with the puffs might be a bonus we all have.
Butch let out a laugh before locking the car. “Relaxe Mike, what Brick doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He shrugged and sometimes I wondered how he could even say that. Brick could kill someone with just a glance but when you are a superhuman, and his brother, maybe the effect doesn’t work.
Maybe I should ask Blossom about that.
The beeping of other cars brought me out of my trance as I followed him on the dirt path.
“Anyways, why did you drag me all the way out here?” I turned to see the lights and the signs. “The fair?”
In front of me was the entrance to what could only be deemed as a somehow legal way to make people shell out three hundred dollars on cheap food and even cheaper ride systems. Every kid wanted to go to the fair and, yeah, it was fun when you were five, but now that we had just graduated high school, it seemed more dangerous than fun.
“Yeah, why not?”
I glanced at him and he only smiled widely but something in his eyes had mischief written all over it. “What's the deal?”
He sighed and smirked.
“A little birdy told me you got heart eyes for a certain someone.” Butch threw his arm around my shoulder. “And as the king of romance, I’m gonna help you out.”
Theres always a small tinge of fear whenever Butch gets an idea. It either ends badly where someone gets hurt, usually him or bad in the way that we all get in trouble and the notorious Powerpuff Girls have to get us out of it. But this...this was much worse.
“Butch, what did you do?” I said through gritted teeth. He only laughed at me instead of answering and pushed up towards the gates.
“Relax. Look they are here.” He pointed.
I followed his sight and walking up towards us was Buttercup, Robin and Mitch. Butch let out another laugh, probably because he could hear my heartbeat. Fuck superhearing. Of course Robin opened her mouth. You tell a girl while you’re throwing up that you have the biggest crush on your best friend who wears dark leather, has piercings and makes your heart swoon and think that she can keep her mouth shut. But no, she can’t.
“Hey guys.” Butch waves to him before leaving me to wrap his arms around Buttercup and ignore the public by kissing her square on the lips. PDA is always gross unless you’re the one doing it, so I can’t blame them. Also it's funny to watch her smack his arm.
“Sup Mikey.” Robin smiles smugly. Little demon.
“Hey. Hi Mitch.” He gives me a wave and a nod of the head and I have to mentally tell myself not to blush. Stupid hormons.
“Come on you two.” Robin says and grabs my arm and Mitch’s and forces us towards the carnival’s entrance. “Lets go!”
One of the perks to being besties with the puffs is the mass amount of freebies. Buttercup swiftly pulled out a ticket for each of us and handed it to the ticket collector.
“Sweet, free entrance.” Mitch smiled at me and held up his hand for a fist bump.
I gladly returned the gesture and every time I did so, I wondered if he could feel the electric spark between us. God, I need to stop reading romance novels.
“Alright losers. We’ll see you all later tonight, meet up for fireworks at 9?” Buttercup said and apparently everyone already had a plan that I was not aware of.
“Sounds good to me!” Butch smirked. “BC and I are going to do coupley stuff no one wants to see and Robin said something about henna soooooo.” He looked at me. “Guess Mitchy boy and Mikey are on their own.” I didn’t miss his wink and before I could protest, everyone was walking away.
My mind was now racing as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I realized in this moment that the group had ganged up on us, well specifically me. Mitch probably didn’t even think twice as the group broke up but they were out of their minds if they thought something was going to happen.
“Wanna hit the rides?” He asked.
I take a breath before nodding. We turn into the direction of the ride area and I have to remind myself that he is just a friend. A friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I usually have my emotions in check but for some reason, they want to act up now. All I have to do is get through tonight without embarrassing myself or giving Butch the satisfation of him being the king of romance. As if that were possible.
The area is buzzing with so much energy. There’s little kids whining and screams coming from the various rides. The smells of corn dogs, popcorn and, oddly enough, waffles mixed in the air and I can’t tell if it smells good or not but I know my pockets are gonna be much lighter by the end of the night.
We get into the shortest line for the tickets and it's truly a scam that each ride is a separate cost.
“I don’t feel like dying tonight so I think two rides is good for me.” Mitch says and I laugh a little because it's true. Just watching the swings makes me feel like one of them unhinge and plummet to the ground but that's what I get for being a paranoid person.
“I feel you. How about the rollercoaster and ummm... the spinning ride?” I suggest.
“Sounds good to me.” He smiles and god fucking dammit, those damn dimples.
The line moves as we chat about the newest horror movie coming into theaters and how Mitch saw a certain pair of redheads making out in a car.
“Wait for real?”
“I swear to god dude.” He raised his hand. “Unless some other chick wears a big ass bow, it has to be them.”
“Interesting.” I smile and soon we get called next.
“Hi there boys, how many tickets can I get ya?” the older woman asks.
“Ten.” Mitch says and I reach into my pocket to grab my wallet, that may or may not have a photo of all of our friends and definitely not for the reason that I can see his face at any given time, but Mitch stops me and places the cash in the tin. “I got it.” he says casually and something inside me felt all warm and fuzzy as the row of blue tickets was handed to him.
“Have a nice date night.” The woman says as we walk away and I almost do a double take thinking I heard her wrong. But when I look over to Mitch, he seems unaffected by the words so I just let it slide.
The rollercoaster isn’t as grand or cool as the ones at the theme park, it doesn’t even go upside down but it has a good bit of hills and bumps to give some air time so i guess it will do. The only problem is that these workers don’t care and make Mitch and I sit in the same cart as these two younger kids.
After we get the bars onto us, the ride starts to go. In front of us the girl grabs the boy's arm and I give a small eye roll as we start to climb the lift hill.
“Babe I'm scared.” She cries and he wraps an arm around her shoulders and I’ve never been so jealous of middle schoolers before.
“These carts are so damn small.” Mitch complains. And it's true. The two of us squished in this together leaves no space for our arms. The pressure of our shoulders touching isn’t too bad but it's to the point it almost hurts. “Hold on.” He says and I feel him pull his right arm away from mine and throw it behind us. “Sorry this is better.”
“No, it's cool bro.” I say even though I realize that this boy really just made it ten times harder to breath now.
I can barely grasp my surroundings as the rollercoaster takes its first turn before the drop. I can see the ending of the track as we go down but the only thing my brain is processing is the fingers tightening on my shoulder.
“Holy shit.” I mumble hoping that Mitch doesn’t know how he's affecting me.
We let out screams and shouts as we go up and down, flying around on the track and I try to enjoy myself, I really do. Before long, it's over and Mitch reaches his hand out to help me up and I take it with silence.
“That was fun.” He smiles and I am really happy he ignored his moms protests and got that lip piercing. It suits him.
“Yeah.” Is all I can muster and he gives me a look before walking towards the next ride.
Luckily as we enter this ride, there’s more room. Only our knees touch as we buckle in the seatbelt and I feel myself being able to breathe better.
“Good thing we didn’t eat before getting on here.” I laugh as the lights start to flash.
He snorts and nods. “Robin would have blown chunks either way.”
The ride is a simple circular track with small hills. All it does is follow the path and goes around pretty fast. Simple but a classic. The music begins and soon we feel the cart shift. I'm sitting on the right while Mitch is on the left, next to the exit and he wiggles off his black beanie just for good measure. His light brown hair, slightly damaged from dying it black back in freshman year, is ruffled from hat hair and my god is it cute.
“Fucking love this ride.” Mitch smiles and it begins to pick up the pace.
Soon, we are at full speed, which is fine. Perfectly fine. Except for the fact that the gravity from the ride is pulling me towards Mitch and no matter how tight I hold on, I end up smacked against him. Shoulders touching and I can clearly smell his cologne. It's the scent of sandalwood and campfire and my god does it smell heavenly. Men just smell like nature and I am more than okay with that.
But Mitch doesn’t mind, because why would he? Instead he's laughing and truly enjoying the ride. I smile and laugh too because honestly, it's just fun to spend time with him. The ride is over faster than I wanted and we hop off, slightly dizzy and I walk a little out of line but he catches my arm and pulls me to him.
“Easy dude.” He chuckles and I nudge him playfully and ruffle his hair before he plops on his beanie. Goodbye cute hat hair.
All of a sudden, my shoulder is hit. It was a pretty hard smack and my body jolted to the side as Mitch grabbed me from falling.
“Look a bunch of homos.” I look up and realize that it's some assholes from our school.
Duke Jones and Mark Dalton. Some of the few people who actually try to be douchebags on the regular.
My eyes do heavy eye rolls and I want to scream at them but I've never been a confronting person. My voice is in my throat but Mitch takes a step forward, his hand never leaving my arm.
“And what of it? Really dudes? You think some lame insult is gonna hurt our feelings. You’re lucky I don’t just kick your ass, better enough I can call Buttercup in a second and have your bodies all the way across this place. Grow the fuck up and maybe don’t choke on your toxic masculanity.” He sneered and sometimes I forget that Mitch can be pretty intimidating.
Their eyes widened as Mitch pulled out his phone to show BC’s number. They mutter something before turning and rushing off in a hurry.
“You okay?” He asks me.
“Yeah.” I say. “Sorry you got caught in that.”
“It's not a big deal.”
But it is. It's not a secret that I'm out and proud. Yeah its cool and all to not have to be closeted, even Princess came out last year so its nice to know that someone higher up won’t pick on me, but even then, it sucks. No matter where I go in life, someone will be there with a flame thrower of slurs or anger for something I didn’t choose. As for Mitch, theres something about him being called gay and him not having a hissy fit about it that makes me feel safe. Uhh fuck.
I take a second to recollect myself and Mitch just pulls me from the herds of eyes that saw that fiasco.
“Lets go here.” He points to the hall of mirrors and for some reason it's beginning to get extremely hard to be around him.
But I take a deep breath and push those feelings to the side once again.
--
The hall of mirrors was by far the lamest thing the fair could have done. Sure, as a little kid it was cool and slightly scary but now, all of our heads could see just above the tips of the mirrors making it lose the effect. It probably would have been more fun if the others were there. Butch would hide behind the mirros trying to scare us before Buttercup sent some lasers his way causing them to bounce everywhere and making us duck and cover. Good times. However, it was just Mitch and me.
While Mitch was walking, I couldn’t stop thinking about those jerks just now. Of course everyone already knew about my preference but Mitch seemed unbothered by being referred to as gay. Probably because he's not some asshole that thinks it's a bad thing, I mean if he did, why would he be friends with me for all this time? He’s just a good person, that's all.
Not to sound like the coming of age kid, but I knew I was into dudes before I could comprehend the idea of love or romance, I just thought they were pretty to look at. Moving to a new city at such a young age was hard for me, not to mention the whole invisible friend that tried to kill everyone. But after everything was said and done, I did in fact make some friends.
The famous superheroes had become my pals and when Buttercup introduced me to Mitch, I think that's when it all went downhill. We became the dynamic duo and everyone always paired us as the best friends, which is true but...it makes me feel guilty.
He turned a corner and I stopped walking. All of a sudden I was lost and staring at a mirror. Just me in my beat up sneakers and the uncertain face I seem to be wearing a lot lately. There's always a time in your life where you stop and contemplate everything, question all your decisions and how nothing truly matters.
“Hey you stopped walking?” Mitch said to me and I looked at him with a shaky smile.
“Sorry. Lost in thought I guess.”
“Care to share?” He asked and leaned against one of the mirrors.
I laughed to myself thinking about what I could possibly say. “Yeah sure Mitch, why don’t I just tell you that I’m in love with you and how it pains me to wake up to know that you will only see me as just a friend. Why don’t I just rip out my heart and put it on a silver platter for you to squash or just confess and kiss you here, ignoring all the states and hopefully pissing off some people?”
“...What?”
My eyes shot open and my eyes met his. He looked at me with confusion and shock. His mouth hung open slightly and it took me a solid three seconds to relaize that my dumb ass had just blurted that all out.
Panic. That's all I could feel as he stared like a deer caught in headlights. I could feel myself on the verge of tears and suddenly the air was too thick as I turned and ran, not caring about the employee telling me I was going the wrong way.
Mitch’s voice echoed behind me but I couldn’t stand to turn and look towards him. To hear the pure rejection and probably the disgust. Throwing away years of friendship for some stupid feelings? What was I thinking?
After nearly hitting my head several times, I made it out and ignored the weird stares and glances people were giving me. All I wanted to do was find Butch and get out of here and hope that I can just pack up and move away for college. Maybe even change my name.
Instead I found myself pushing my way into the bathroom stall and biting my arm to stifle my sobs. I felt like my heart was about to shatter, that all my nightmares where coming true all thanks to my stupid mouth. I was a fool to think that someone like him would even consider me as something more, a complete and utter fool.
“Mike?” A voice called and of course the sneakers peaking outside the stall belonged to Butch.
“What?” I spat bitterly. “Go away.”
I barely heard his sigh. “Dude, I don’t know what happened but suddenly Buttercup saw you burst into here. Really dude, is everything fine? At least come out and talk to us. Plus it smells really bad in here and there's a line of dudes.”
There's some truth to the matter and I wiped my face and pushed open the stall with a little too much force but luckily he grabbed it and just nodded towards the exit.
Robin and Buttercup are standing outside and luckily, I don’t see Mitch.
“Wanna explain what happened?” Robin asks as she hands me a tissue from her purse.
“No. I just wanna go home.”
Buttercup looks arounds then back to me. “Where's Mitch.”
“Probably somewhere and never wants to see me again.” I mumble.
“What?” She asks and looks towards Butch then back to me.
Butch raised his brow. “Mike, did you tell him?”
“Tell him what?” Buttercup asked.
It was at that moment that Buttercup didn’t know that I was practically in love with her best friend. Maybe Robin and Butch planned this together but it didn’t matter, not anymore. I would be losing two friends after this. Great.
“Look. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same way.” My throat is dry and it hurts and there's no doubt that my face is red and flushed with tears. “I'm just gonna call my mom to come get me.”
“Come on Mike don’t go.” Robin asked and she padded my arm.
“You don’t get it, Robin.” I spat. “You don’t understand what I just did. Thanks to someone’s dumb idea, I now lost my best friend. And for what? Did we really think he would like me back? That he could even see me in such a way? I don’t even know if he’s gay or let alone into dudes. But who gives fuck? I don’t.”
Butch took a step towards me but my anger only rose. “C’mon Mike I'm sure-”
“This was a stupid idea Butch!” I yelled and at that moment I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was embarrassed and hurt. “I just want to be alone.” I pushed past him and the others, ignoring everything they were saying because it didn’t matter any more.
It didn’t matter that my friends tried to help something that shouldn’t have even been considered. It was just a stupid crush. Nothing more, nothing less. Hopefully by the new semester, it would be gone and out of my system…. hopefully. A stupid crush that I’d been harboring for years and titling on a scale of something more.
It wasn’t long until my tears dried and I found myself among the section of carnival games. All of the rigged and hard to win and if you did win, it would be a small sappy prize that you would toss into a garbage bag or try to sell for a nickel at a garage sale.
There were darts and guessing the weight of a small pig. The basketball tossing and hitting the giant hammer looked tempting but instead I walked to the game that no one had ever won. Ring toss. A game of chance and so incredibly rigged, it's a miracle if one prize is won in a year.
Without a second thought, I gave up a fresh twenty dollar bill and the girl working, who clearly hated her job, handed me the biggest bucket of rings. Enough to keep me entertained until I call my mom or muster up enough courage to ask Butch for a ride back like a dog with its tail inbetween its legs.
I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I could be okay with this. But I was stupid. Stupid to think that the boy I had a crush on, one of my best friends, would like me back, or even be into dudes for that matter. But no, instead of having my secret crush kept, ya know, a secret, the one person who shouldn’t know, did.
I tossed another ring into the sea of bottles, the high pitched clinking echoed for just a moment as another was tossed. Maybe this was pointless. Maybe trying to figure out feelings was a waste of time because in all honesty, I never knew.
Like the plastic rings people pay way too much for, you jump and you think you’ll land on that bottle, secure the prize and show everyone up. Prove that you can do the impossible.
But then you miss and reality comes back. The bucket dwindles down and soon you’re left with nothing but regret for trying and shorting eight bucks.
“Hey.”
I turned, of course he would follow me. Why wouldn’t he? He was probably here just to tell me to let it go and sweep it under the rug, and say it's not weird when it totally is. Or he was going to come out and say that maybe our friendship has come to its expiration date.
“Oh. Hey.” I threw another one, missing again.
I tried not to care as he stood next to me but I passed him the bucket and he took his own shot, missing, just like me.
“Have you been crying?” He asked and there was no way around it.
“Yep.” I popped the p and threw another ring. “Look Mitch, I’m sorry what I said-”
“Don’t be.”.
Oh
“Most guys would just push someone like me away if that happened.”
He hummed and tossed a ring, missing. “Well, I’m not like most guys and I thought that was pretty clear. Especially after those jerks. I value your friendship too much to get worried or upset.”
I looked over at him, and that in itself was a mistake, because it would be just my luck that the other carnival games with their bright flashing lights would surround him and make it seem like he was glowing. The lights soften his features, a small twinkle on the black orb of his earring and making those very so light freckles appear.
Almost like a painting hung up in a museum. You think the trip is boring, and for the most part it is. A few interesting things here and there but just as you are about to leave, you find a room you hadn’t explored. It could be nothing and you could leave, forgetting everything in the last three hours and moving on with your life.
Or it could be life changing. As if when you walked in there, the most captivating painting was on that wall and you wonder how you skipped it in the first place. You stare at it, taking in the picture itself and the meaning. Stepping closer and looking at the paint strokes, the time taken to make this is clear and it's full of questions and mystery. The small plaque on the wall fails to answer.
He picked up the last ring. It twirled in his fingertips unsure of where to go.
“I kept thinking, you know.” He said. “I remember watching a show, a random cartoon and an ad for a pride festival popped up. I thought nothing of it, didn’t know what it meant at the time but my father did. He was outraged and changed the channel, screamed and shouted saying that if his son ever was caught doing something like that…” Mitch paused and closed his palm.
I could see the hurt in his eyes as he sighed.
“Then he would have no son. So when I found out what it all meant and learned about myself....I thought it would be best to never act on it. No matter how much I wanted to look towards another guy, I couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry Mitch, I didn’t know.” And it was the truth. I wanted to mentally slap myself for not realizing that he was, in fact, gay as well. Way to go Mike, your gay-dar is broken. But then again, you can’t just tell a sexuality clear as day. I can’t blame him for hiding it, after everything with his dad.
He sighed again. “But when you told me that. Told me you wanted me, I think I started to realize that I would rather have something I want no matter what others think of me. I envy how you can just come out and be proud, as you should, but I wish I was that brave instead of a coward.”
“Mitch.” I slid my hand on top of his cautiously. He didn’t flinch or have any indication of pulling away. “I’m scared every day. Scared that someone might yell something offensive or even try to hurt me. Just like those assholes did earlier.But I can’t stop those things from happening but I can choose to not let them affect me. It's hard but you know you’re surrounded by people who care about you. Plus your best friend is an actual superhero.”
“I know, I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to date such a fuck up like me.”
Fuck up? Did this boy really think that?
“I would never see you as that.” I said honestly. “It's normal for us to have conflicting feelings when someone in our life isn't supportive. It's never gonna be a walk in the park or smooth sailing but when you're with someone who cares about you, it makes it easier.”
He sighed for the hundredth time. It was clear the gears in his mind were running at full steam and he looked at the ring in his hand then to the bottles.
“I guess you’re right Mike. I guess I was thrown off that the dude I've liked since kindergarten likes me back.” He looked towards me and tossed the ring, not bothering to pay attention. “I just hope you haven't changed you mind-”
The next thing I know, my hand is tugging on his worn leather collar and his lips are pressed to mine.
I never thought that my first kiss would be as enchanting as this. You always think it's magical and fulfilling but in reality it's probably a mess of lips that don’t move quite as well and somehow there's a tongue doing whatever it wants. I guess I can’t count this as my first kiss because Robin had peaked me on the lips in third grade, also giving me the clear sexual awakening of how I never want another woman to come near me again, but this was different.
He tasted like cotton candy which I should find gross and oddly weird but I didn’t mind one bit. At the beginning there was a bit of hesitation, or maybe he was caught off guard since I did interrupt him but I couldn’t help myself. Stupid hormones. He wasted no time kissing me back and I even felt a hand on my waist pulling towards him. Although it lasted only a few mere seconds, it was like a lifetime of waiting had lifted.
When we pulled apart, loud speakers and alarms went off above us. I looked towards the game, I noticed one single plastic ring was stuck on the bottle. The worker smiled at us before nodding.
“Wow, I can’t believe you made it, especially without looking.” She said and I looked to Mitch who just shrugged.
“What? You kissed me, I just threw it.” He smiled brightly and I hugged him.
“So what will it be?” I asked him and he turned towards the prizes.
“Well, what about that dinosaur?”
“I love dinosaurs.”
Mitch smiled. “I know.”
The worker used a ladder to climb and retrieve the massive blue dinosaur prize. As a kid, i used to dream of winning such a cool thing but know, I think I got something better. Mitch handed it to me with a blush and I looked at it with just as much pink on my cheeks.
“Ya know.” Mitch started. “I have enough tickets for one last ride. Maybe the ferris wheel?”
“That sounds good.” He reached out his hand and I took it. Before I could blink, I felt his lips press against my cheek.
“I don’t like to see you cry.” He said.
I simply hummed and we walked hand in hand to the ferris wheel before deciding to give the prize to some kids. He handed the tickets to the worker as we climbed into the cart and began to go up. He threw his arm over my shoulder like he did on the rollercoaster, but this time, I leaned against him and let those emotions I tried to keep at bay, run wild.
“I’m really glad Butch dragged me here.” I said honestly and Mitch only laughed and silenced me with his lips pressed against mine.
“Me too.”
When we pulled apart, a few questions still lingered in my mind.
“You mean, you’ve liked me this entire time? And you knew I was gay?” I asked hesitantly. It wasn’t a secret, the last part at least.
He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous tick he's had since he was little. “I mean I wasn’t hundred percent sure, I thought maybe it was a one time thing or just happened occasionally. But as we got older, more specifically high school, I think that's when it hit me.” He sighed. “All I knew was that I wanted to be with you until my heart stopped racing.”
His eyes met mine. I’ve always hated when people didn’t see the beauty in brown eyes. They think they are dull and lifeless, only one hue but that's far from the truth. Mitch’s eyes had spots of gold and a slight tint of green, breathtaking to say the least.
“I mean it’s a shame we spent our high school years just as friends.” My hand went on top of his. “But I’d rather have you as my friend instead of losing you so I understand. But what about your dad? Will be okay with us dating-or well I assume we should-”
“I don’t care about his opinion of us. Plus we would be idiots not to date at this point. If he doesn’t accept. That's his loss not mine.” His gaze went to the sky where a firework exploded.
The colors lit up in the sky and we realized we got lucky as our cart stopped at the very top. It felt unreal to be sitting next to my best friend and now, boyfriend. There's always moments in your life that you feel like were meant to be. Maybe it's the career you chose or the person you marry. Milestones that are already set in stone and fate just happens to bring you together, all that stuff. And as I looked at him through heavy lashes I thought that maybe, just maybe, the stars aligned on this one.
That or I would have to admit that Butch is the king of romance, even though he did literally nothing today and this was all me. Either way, Mikey boy’s got a man.
--
I hope you enjoyed love!!
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geothefafa · 3 years
Text
i was tagged by @herbal-apparatus !!! now you may also have the means to attack kill me..
name: Andy Andrew Anderson, but ppl call me Geo cus its in my username! i get it! its an oc ive had since i was like 12. hes cool..
gender: Special Menu Option Boy. He/Him for everyone but amigos can use It also bc its fun like me. not an option for strangers tho. its a secret menu pronoun :)
nationality: american :pensiveclown:
bday: december 14
star sign: sagittarius baybee manic monday :)
height: 5′4" manlet confirmed i wear tall platforms that give me like nearly 4 inches tho and its none ya bisnes
fav food: everything. i have the appittite of a rabid raccoon in your trash bin and he wont leave also he broke into your house and ransacked the place and theres nothing you can do about it cus your teacup chihuahua is scared of me
fav bands/artists: i still love ed banger bc theyre still supplying bops but yo ive been gettin into darkwave echocore hell horror evilcore killerclownwave dungeon horror deathvibe monstoer evil edm lately.
fav song: this quasteion was invented by boring people
song stuck in my head: the Earthbound meme song, the penis delirious penis mysterious song however it goes, and the no body no body no body no body meme all playing at once im in hell.
last movie: The Muppets Most Wanted cus i got high
last show: always sunny with my brother in law bc we were high.
last thing i googled: “80′s moustache actor” i forgot tom sellecks name, this helped.
when i created this blog: i dont have a concept of time but i do know i was like 14 when i joined and im 23 now so somethings gone completely wrong.
other blogs: kerchowe is my car blog that will one day get me cancelled and geothetic is my aesthetic/oc insp blog that i hardly touch anymore these days
do i get asks: only joke anons from my friends who i totally cannot tell who is sending me them /s and the completely deadpan serious anons who have to “well, actually” everytime i speak in the tags about buttholes or disliking baby yoda
following: i think this means how many im following? 938. i trimmed it a lot cus a good chunk of ppl i used to follow have been inactive for almost a year or smth.
why i chose this url: my oldest oc is geo. fafa is nonsense. only true fans know the deeplore beyond this point.
instruments: as a kid we had a piano growing up so im a piano slut now. my mom is an overachiever and made me learn other instruments too so i unfortunately can play guitar, trumpet, and clarinet too but not that well. i always liked piano tho, so thats the shit im ok at. friends tell me im good. family tells me im crap. so who knows. i like it so it doesnt stop me from being obnoxiously loud lmao.
average hrs of sleep: like, collectively.. a normal amount. but it takes me like twice as long to get there cus i only get to fall assleep for like an hour or two at a time.
what i’m wearing: like 20 layers
lucky number: 42 and the reason is not what you think.
dream trip: cold. take me to the mountains. to a deep cave. i really dont care. just not the ocean. or vegas.
top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: my fuckin daydream oc world thats it thats the world i want to live in there is no second or third runner up thats it good luck. thank you for tagging my lilly. use this information wisely. and since we have the same friend circle i dunno who to tag so im going to literally snatch the ppl who reblog from me most. no pressure to do if u dont want me knowing your secrets and weak spots. @julia-femboy @artistically-frustrated @invader-777 @dafterwho @cotton-candy-ace @natnatbunbun
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