#but the recent stuff i can ge actual dates and times for

[just-a-mod]

brain : hey, you know how you figured out Osmond's life timeline

me : yeah

brain : you wanna figure out the time line of your city and world

me : jeez that sounds like alot of -

brain :We're already doing it

me : what

#justatext #justapost #alot of the earlier stuff is going to be a ROUGH GUESSTIMATION #but the recent stuff i can ge actual dates and times for #why do i hurt myself like this #why can't i be paid to be like this #some one hire me to keep all of their world's lore organized #im really fucking good at it for no god damn reason #some one hire me to keep information organized #or DM #im apparently good at DMing too #_some one pay me money to be a world keeper_ #_it's literally the only thing im good at _

[canary3d-obsessed]

Lost Tomb Reboot Lewks: Part 13

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning: Spoilers for both seasons of The Lost Tomb Reboot and also vaguely for Daomu Biji in general

Look 66 belongs to Ah Ning, who has chosen, for this adaptation, to go with short hair, heavy makeup, and all-black clothes, but with a bit of a club vibe, rather than her more usual tactical vibe. 

The short hair is a weird choice. The whole schtick with DMBJ adaptations is that you have to tell who's who by their costuming and styling, since the associated actors toss roles back and forth faster than Wu Xie and Xiao Ge on a date with Liu Sang. 

Hot guy in a hoodie? Xiao Ge. Slightly dorky but ridiculously charismatic guy who dresses like Joey Ramone? Hei Yanjing. Man who's too old for fluffy bangs and puppy-dog eyes but is working the hell out of them anyway? Wu Xie. Ponytail, gun, and a whole bunch of disposable sidekicks? Ah Ning.

Ah Ning, Lost Tomb 1 version, with her signature ponytail & disregard for human life.

For this look, Ah Ning has gotten rid of her long hair, henchmen, weapons, and the part of her shirt that normally would cover her belly. This is an outfit that says "I am finally ready to fuck Wu Xie." 

Unfortunately she decides to accessorize this outfit with a giant deadly snake. 

This snake, unlike the equivalent snake in uhhhhhmmm a different DMBJ show that Ah Ning might theoretically die in, does not appear to be poisonous or have an unusual instant-kill-you ability. It just squeezes her a little bit, and the boys don't make any attempt to revive her, even though not-breathing is a super survivable condition, if it's corrected quickly. 

This non-poisonous snake accessory is all about killing a woman so that men can feel manpain, and I am kind of offended that this version of Ah Ning went out like that, after being a badass in every other adaptation. 

(more after the cut!) 

The hypothetical other show where a version of this scene perhaps also happens does correct this, by having her talk about her acceptance of the risk of death, and by having the fucking snake be POISONOUS. I am not naming the show because where’s the fun in that? If you watch TLTR first, like I did, you get to be worried about Ah Ning in every other show she’s in, which is exhausting but also kind of fun. (I don’t mind women dying in fiction, as long as their deaths are an important part of their own stories, rather than just being important for the growth of the men around them.)

Thanks to poor accessory choices, Ah Ning and her snake necklace go the same route as Ye Piaopiao and No-Longer-Mute Chick; fortunately Xiao Ge didn't fall for Tattoo Artist Ah Tou or she'd be in the morgue with the rest of them.

Look 67 is young Wu Xie's jungle adventure outfit, featuring a bright white popover jacket with cream color sleeves from Scotch & Soda’s Club Nomade collection. Scotch & Soda have have thoughtfully printed their name on the string so that those of you who share Wu Xie's clothing tastes will know where to shop. You know who you are. 

You would think highly visible bright white would be a bad choice for a jungle adventure, but apparently snakes in these parts are only attracted to goths.

Wu Xie is also wearing wired ear pods, which did not exist whenever this flashback supposedly happened, but if we're cool with sentient crustaceans and clams that can incapacitate a ruthless trained assassin (clams got legs!), we can be cool with ear pods.

The show conveys flashback-Wu-Xie's youth and naiveté by having him smile sweetly, not watch Ah Ning take her clothes off, and not attempt CPR after she gets lightly squeezed by a snake.

Looks 68 and 69 belong to Not Ah Ning, who is played by Liu Yuqi, who also plays Ah Ning. Her makeup is much softer and prettier as this character than as Ah Ning; this character’s job is to be pleasing to men, whereas Ah Ning’s job is to get male underlings killed on the regular, so I guess that makes sense. 

This outfit is an amazing body-hugging soft green jumpsuit with raised quilty detailing on the arms and shoulders. Her jumpsuit perfectly matches the couch she's sprawled on, which is her subtle way of telling Jiang Zisuan that she is a nice comfy place to have a lie down. 

She accessorizes this look with her usual soft wavy brown hair and a scattering of gold finger rings. I think she also accessorizes this with ass pads, because Ah Ning does not appear to be draggin’ this wagon in her scenes. I checked. For science.  

When the first outfit doesn't work, she ditches the subtlety and goes for a Chanel-style suit in black, white, and red, with a with a black leather bustier underneath. 

Unfortunately this is a wasted effort, because the Jiang Zisuan she tries this on is actually Wu Xie in disguise. 

Wu Xie only likes girls if they are 1. secretly manipulating him while acting like a tiny adorable sidekick, 2. trying to kill him repeatedly while adventuring together, 3. planning to kill him as soon as the roads are clear but willing to bone in the meantime, or 4. are a skin effigy with a sentient crustacean in their head.

Sorry, Not Ah Ning; this was a good effort. 

Look 70 features Wu Xie in a white thermal shirt, dark blue jeans, and fake facial hair. This is a good look for sitting with your not-quite girlfriend and wondering how you both managed to have romances with Bai Yu in parallel universes. (OP recently watched Love O2O, which is a trip for fans of DMBJ, Guardian, or feminism)

Fortunately Wu Xie doesn’t know that his second-favorite doctor/Zhan Rishan’s girlfriend also had a romance with Bai Yu or his mind would be entirely blown. 

This is a soft, comfortable look, perfect for torturing someone, with help from your first-favorite doctor, by pretending to poison someone with nicotine, all so you can have a few moments of quality time with a cigarette before said doctor takes them away again. 

Wu Xie's cigs are stored in a buttery-soft leather case that completely covers the brand name of the cigarettes, so apparently cdramas don’t go in for ciggy product placements. 

Wo Xie wears this outfit with a silvery-metal watch with a black leather wrist strap. The watch appears to be round, and it probably tells time. (If you’re new to the Lewks series: I lack watch knowledge and that’s not likely to change.)

Wu Xie finally peels off his fake facial hair so we can see his pretty face again, only to replace the facial hair with an entire fake face. Fortunately, this face, belonging to actor Wu Lipeng, is also pretty. 

Look 71 belongs to Wu Xie, initially (for this outfit) played by Wu Lipeng until his inevitable unmasking. So many actors have played Wu Xie, this whole disguise thing is barely worth blinking at. Wu Lipeng does a nice job changing his mannerisms to play Wu Xie, and this whole schtick eventually gives us Zhu Yilong's delightful performance as Wang Meng, so even though we eventually get way too much of not-Zhu-Yilong in the role, I’m good with it.

This outfit features black jeans, black tactical boots & gloves, and Ah Ning’s coin bracelet, although it’s mostly hard to see the bracelet. The outfit’s main feature is a possibly-leather jacket that’s been molded into a hideous and disturbing voronoi pattern. 

This jacket is probably very expensive and took a lot of work to craft, but it makes him look  like he’s wearing a Glad Force Flex garbage bag. I mean, I guess that's cool. 

This outfit is good for several episodes worth of adventures, including getting tied up and being sassy...

...and underwater cave exploration, which is totally a thing that a person with critically damaged lungs can do.  

This outfit is good for homoerotic wrestling...

...and also for heteroerotic wrestling.

This is also a good outfit for being gently cradled in the arms of your doctor, while you massage your throat in order to swallow what he's putting in your mouth.

The fingerless gloves are useful for helping Xiao Bai get out of not one, but two different situations in which she stepped on a trap without realizing it, requiring Wu Xie to get down on the ground and have a tense encounter with her foot. 

Scenes like this are where costuming really makes a difference. In this shot, we we watch a stunt hand (Zhu Yilong has never had that long of a thumbnail in his life) hold a wire steady, while a stunt foot is pulled out from under it.  

This shot includes a lot of visual texture and interest, from the hatch lines on the palm of the glove to the cross-striping of the boot lace. The complexity of this glove and this boot help to hold our attention when they’re in the frame, allowing the tension of the scene to build, instead of dissipating when the viewer runs out of things to look at.

Bonus Look 1

Carrying all that tragic baggage has given Jiang Zisuan spectacular arm muscles.

Bonus Look 2

Zhu Yilong with not-fake facial hair. 

Daaaaaamn.

#the lost tomb reboot #reunion the sound of the providence #the lost tomb reboot spoilers #lost tomb lewks #spoilers #my gifs #canary3d-original #my stills #ah ning #wu xie #zhu yilong

[maleyanderecafe]

Hey! So I remembered playing a game a long time ago (which it comes from a bad app but anyway lol) In a summary, there was a story where the big bad turned out to be an "ally" that started to be a yandere towards the protag after discovering she went in a date with his best friend. After the revelation some recalled that when the guy and his friend were kids the guy was very possesive towards his bff and made other kids stay away. So.. do "platonic yanderes" exist then? Are there more examples?

Interesting. I'm kind of curious to see what kind of game it is, bad app or not, haha. It does sound like a sort of interesting story regardless.

So to answer your question I personally do think that platonic yanderes exist. The reason (which is pretty basic, and I guess is a bit dumb) is that if platonic tsunderes and other dere types exist, then yanderes, by definition, would also be able to gain these traits. I know that not everyone agrees with me (for instance, I know @thatyanderecritic's stance for platonic yanderes is that they don't exist, along with my friend Cherry), but I think that kind of stuff kind of stifles what kind of freedom people can have with making yanderes. For the most part, I try not to put any super hard rules on yanderes (with the exception of really basic but fundamental parts to a yandere, like being devoted to a single person, often having actions that are immoral and usually having a bit of danger factor to them, even if it is just creepiness, amongst other things which I discussed here) because I know that there are ways to write yanderes that can bypass a lot of things that I thought yanderes had to have. It's always interesting to see what kind of unique ideas people can have when writing yanderes too.

That being said, I do think that a lot of "platonic yanderes" don't really fit the criteria of being yanderes and just end up being really overprotective over them. I guess it really depends on specific factors like how much is it to love someone to the point of being extremely unhealthy or the "fear" factor that they have. I also think that platonic yanderes don't exist if their s/o already has a lover, or if the platonic yandere has a lover that they actually love (and are not using for their own purposes), but there are always ways to bypass this like for the case of projective yanderes.

Actually, I wrote about this before on this ask here. Another recent example is Death Chants His Laments which I think is a more parental yandere (for the most part) and future recommendations, The Extra Refuses Excessive Obsession, which has a more siscon yandere vibes (not to be mistaken for incest, just very, very overprotective in comedic ways) and Isekai Tensei, Ore ga Otome ge de Kyuuseishu, which is more on a technicality since I guess if the MC did fall in love the character would turn into a yandere but he's currently yandere for his friend (I don't really buy it, but its really funny).

Anyways, I hope that answers your question? I'm still very curious about the game you're talking about since recently I've been watching some walkthroughs of uh... not well translated Korean mobile games with yanderes in them, so I'm no stranger to bad mobile games, haha.

#asks #male yandere #yandere boy #yandere #analysis

[zhansww]

I decided to switch to an ask, hope that's okay. So one big reason why I commented in the first place because I thought of you as some crazy shipper, but after talking to you for a while I saw it's not really true. That was purely me being wrong and I apologise. I just went through your whole pinned post and a lot of it was stuff that I already expected and I still don't think I can change you mind but really, a lot of that stuff is things that friends could do. 1/?

Getting dinner together, giving somebody a necklace etc. friends can do that too. Some might even see it as an elaborate marketing strategy. You see it as romantic, because you want to. And most of the stuff, like posting something at a certain date or time of the day or changing song lyrics is just pure speculation. They might be coincidence. Some things might not even have anything to do with them together but something completely else. 2/? You say that you try to not see hints where there are none, but stuff like that, analyzing dates and looking for clues in what exact time of the day a certain thing was posted in sm is just that.You see those things as romance because you want to see them as such, not because they objectively are. That's exactly it, seeing things where there are none. 3/3

I said this more than once already but I am open to having my mind changed. If I didn't, I wouldn't ask for discussions in my pinned post. To have a proper discussion, though, both parties should 1) have the same amount of knowledge on the subject, 2) leave their emotions out of it and 3) be open to the possibility of being wrong. So again; I am open to having a rational discussion about this. If you aren’t, please let me know.

Getting dinner together, giving somebody a necklace etc. friends can do that too.

Of course they can. But do friends feel the need to be secretive about it? When it comes to their dates in June 2018 and December 2019, they spent the night together. Not to mention, they went out of their way to spend 520 - Lunar Valentine's Day - together. Would friends do that? Right after the date in Dec 2019, Yibo wore a pink hoodie to the airport, which as far as we know was the first time he wore pink of his own volition. In his interview with Cosmo two months later, he got asked "what's the first thing that comes to your mind when hearing the word romance?" and his reply was "pink pink". Cp fans think this means that gg was the one who gave him that hoodie since dd himself doesn't like pink. But even if he didn't receive it from gg, Yibo must have been in a romantic mood to be wearing pink - and that, after being with XZ, his “friend”. Regarding the necklace, if it was given by a friend, then why does Yibo constantly wear it yet hide it? To compare, he wears the necklace and ring Han-ge gave him at any event/recording and he wears those openly, too, the way you're supposed to wear jewelry, right? He wears the ox head necklace at events and also in private, in selfies, in between schedules, during rehearsals etc and he started hiding it, i.e. wearing it under his shirts, after fans started fighting about it. Surely, you know that Yibo is an honest/straightforward/blunt person. If we cp fans were wrong with our theory, he would definitely call us out and simultaneously please his solo fans by telling them they're right, thus putting an end to drama among his fans - but he hasn't. The only thing that explains this is assuming he received it from a romantic partner cuz being involved is something that Yibo’s company would not allow him to go public with so instead, he has to hide the necklace as well as his relationship. Likewise, he surely wouldn’t be wearing the necklace all the time if the one who gave it to him wasn’t even closer to his heart than Han-ge is.

Some might even see it as an elaborate marketing strategy.

Marketing what exactly? CQL is over and done with and they don't have other projects together. Not to mention that their connection has brought more harm to their reputations than good and they have way more solo fans than cp fans. Thinking ggdd would go through so much or any trouble just to give credibility to a lie implies that they do it for clout (which neither of them needs or wants) or that they think that queer relationships is something to make fun of or else, that they have no integrity. What exactly is it about them that makes you think they would be such people? They both starred in a BL. Yibo even insisted on trying for that role although he got rejected twice. XZ has shown his support of the lgbt community before. Given Yibo’s entire attitude and e.g. his song lyrics in WuGan, he doesn’t care about fame/clout. He does what he’s passionate about because he’s passionate about it and for money, according to himself. And I don’t think I even need to point out why XZ has clearly no need for more attention. (In fact, his studio asked fans in a recent statement to stop their fan support and voting etc - as a result, his supertopic dropped several spots from the #1, after having been there for months).

And most of the stuff, like posting something at a certain date or time of the day or changing song lyrics is just pure speculation. They might be coincidence.

So what is the limit? How many coincidences do there need to be exactly for them to stop being coincidences? How can posting something at precisely minute 3 or minute 8 always be a coincidence? Especially when XZ wrote in an older weibo post that he uses kadian. He posted at 13:28 in two of his latest updates. On TTXS, Yibo got asked what romantic things he’d do for his partner and he literally said he’d remember certain dates and times and do something surprising. In a more recent weibo, Yibo made a post in support of Han-ge at precisely 21:00 - the kadian of which means "ai ni", love you. He once posted an ad for his mobile game at 18:21 which means "Yi Bo ai ni" and which could have been directed at his fans. Some of their kadian might be but not all of them are reaching and the sheer quantity of all the kadian they've been using proves that those are not coincidences either. Regarding the changing of song lyrics, yes those are speculation. Gg never actually said he'd do that. But the circumstances around those is what makes it seem meaningful. And that time when he changed the lyrics to have the letters ybxz in the beginnings of lines seems meaningful and obvious enough as is.

Some things might not even have anything to do with them together but something completely else.

Of course that is a possibility and one that I am well aware of. I can and do obviously only base my judgement on what we see and know. If there’s something I don’t know that would somehow make my pov wrong, I would be willing to admit that and change my mind. When it comes to things like XZ, changing lyrics to ybxz or Yibo, posting at 10:05 (gg’s birthday) or talking about ordering clothes home to share and then seeing gg in those clothes or gg posting at times that have Yibo’s name or dd, posting at times that have XZ’s name - make it unmistakable to me that they are each other’s special someone and not anyone else’s. Since those things only fit each other.

You see those things as romance because you want to see them as such, not because they objectively are. That's exactly it, seeing things where there are none.

At the beginning of your message, you apologized for assuming I’m a crazy shipper but you end the message with this. “Seeing things where there are none” is what I’d consider crazy shipping so that last sentence sounds like an insult to me. I don’t know what to make of this, lol. Your assumption that I want to see those things as romance is wrong. They’d have it soooo much easier if they were just friends, why in God’s name would I want them to have it more difficult? They wouldn’t feel the need to hide so much, to be so distant in public. We’d probably get fanservice and selfies and joined endorsements. The scandal from February may not have ever happened cuz they’d definitely have fewer cp fans. It’d be awesome if they were nothing more than friends. Not to mention that making wrong claims about a relationship between two real people, solely based on what my desires are, is selfish - it’s about what I want instead of what is. I do not have that attitude. The fact that I wanted to believe they’re just friends is precisely why it took me several months to concede that I must be wrong. I kept dismissing all that I saw as coincidences or as platonic. I do not want ggdd to be lovers but I also don’t want to deny reality. I know that my perception may be fallible, though, so of course I am open to discussing this. I would welcome being proven wrong about this. You don’t properly back up your claims and your arguments don’t take all that we know into consideration. Which is why so far, at least, you haven’t made me see differently.

#ask #long post

[peachyteabuck]

fashión (bucky barnes x reader)

Summary: At one of your best friend’s drag shows, Bucky catches your eye. Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the dance pop blaring through the bar’s speakers, but for some reason you’re feeling a little more daring than usual.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 2,536

Trigger Warnings: Blowjobs, shitty flirting, people are drunk and do sex things

Notes/Other: This was done for @propertyofpoeandbucky ‘s mystery writing challenge!! My prompt was “You’re my best friend. How could I put anyone before you?” and has been bolded within the fic! Also, I feel like this is the total opposite of what I’ve written recent but when I got this prompt I knew this wip was perfect for it. 

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

Dating has always been hard for you. Friends and family have always tried to set you up on dates - as has Tindr - but nothing seemed to stick. No one ever seemed to do the trick.

“C’mon, babe…” your friend coos to you. You’re in a dressing room at some fast-fashion establishment, the wide and tall mirror forcing you to stare back at yourself. The too-bright lights burn your eyes, the top radio hits from last year only depress you, and the smell of weed and regret radiating from your skin is making you want a sandwich. “Listen, I know you don’t want to do this-”

Your sigh cuts her off. “Then why are you making me?”

She steps over to you, readjusting the floral jacket before speaking. As you look in the mirror you realize actually kind of…like it. Which is weird. “Because I know better than you, you’re a shut-in, and every moment you’re not being ravished by a muscular hot dude physically kills me.”

God, her brazen personality always catches you off guard. That’s probably why she’s the performer and you just sit alone in the basement of your shared home - sewing and eating and writing all day.

In the end, you don’t buy the jacket. Lucy ends up taking you to her favorite thrift shop and you pick up a deep blue faux-fur coat and some velvet heels in the same shade. Boujie? Maybe. But it’s something you feel confident in, so you don’t grumble too much when you see the total.

You both get to the club early so she can get ready, focus on turning her face into the inside of an elementary schooler’s pencil case – one young enough to understand that there’s never such thing as too much stationary (or too much color) but young enough to constantly be losing caps. As she steps into the threshold of the famous bar, Lucy’s met with jeers from janitors and bartenders and sound techs alike – all people ecstatic to see their favorite person like a dog left alone during a long work day. As she greets them with the same overjoyed smiles, you slip past the jolly merriment to the dressing room in the back of the building – her outfit bag and make up suitcase in your hands, her shoes and wig in your hefty backpack. Despite the outfit you’d picked out earlier you’re donning the same outfit you’d been wearing since the techie days of middle school – black jeans, black t-shirt one size too big, and all black sneakers. All the better to blend in.

Three hours later Lucy has officially turned into Boudoir Z, her drag persona and the username for her long-abandoned Neopets account. The club is packed with people, almost as tight as her dress is with her pads, and some old Kesha song thumps the floor to its beat.

“Are you ready?” you ask, double checking her hands for any loose nails.

She grins as wide as she does right before every show, eyes bright and sparkling like a child on Christmas. “Hell yeah.”

As her intro song starts you scurry away to find your way to the bar, hoping to grab something strong before the show really starts. You don’t really like attending your friend’s (or anyone’s) drag shows, they’re loud and crowded and normally that’s your definition of Hell. Sometimes, though, you can muster up the energy. For whatever reason, today seems to be one of those days. Or nights.

Whatever. Time is an illusion.

The first few beats of the song are long, edited for artificial pauses to build excitement in the crowd. You know the version of Lady Gaga’s Applause well, so it throws your entire brain through a loop when someone pumps into you when you try and grab your rum and coke.

“Sorry,” the guy hisses, immediately moving to make sure he didn’t spill any of his wine cooler on you. You’re about to brush him off, thinking he’s just another guy trying to cop a feel while the main attraction distracts from any protective butches within eye shot. But when you notice he’s carefully avoiding your chest – and pulling away when he notices the lack of dampness on your sternum – you allow yourself to give him a half glance at the brick wall of a man in front of you.

God, you’re so ashamed you noticed that. You’re also ashamed to notice his thick thighs, massive arms, silver hand with black lining, his perfectly mused brown-black hair, and beautiful scruff.

“H-hi,” you stutter, deep exhale one close to dramatic women in movies when they think they’ve seen God. Good luck ladies, I’ve already found him – he’s in the shadiest gay bar in NYC. you think as he shyly smiles at you with cheeks you want to shove between your thighs and lips you want attached to your-

“I’m so sorry,” he tells you, checking again to make sure he didn’t turn your shirt into a bar tap. “I got distracted by-“

You sigh. Of course, he was looking at Lucy. “It’s fine, really, I promise.”

In a brief pause between songs, you two lock eyes. Grey-green ones meet your own and fuck, he’s so dreamy.

“I’m,” he seems hesitant to introduce himself. “Bucky. Name’s Bucky.”

You murmur your own name while looking him up and down again. Black combat boots perfectly shined, black jeans tight enough to rival your own, and black hoodie thick enough for winter in Upstate Main.

“Aren’t you hot?” you blurt, alcohol loosening your brain’s tight grip on your thoughts.

The man, Bucky, shrugs. “I run pretty cold.”

Another few moments of silence dialogue between you two - and judging by his set jaw and the hungry look in his eyes he’s thinking the same thing you are.

But, if you’re anything besides an introverted stylist, seamstress, and occasional therapist for the person up on the stage…it’s a tease.

You lean towards Bucky’s ear, music starting up again. “Wanna come join me close to the stage?”

He smiles, picking his drink back up. “Sure thing.”

Lucy, as always, is dressed to impress. Or scare small children.

Either way one perceives her, she’s killing it.

The large, sheer nightgown’s puffed sleeves make the look even more dramatic. The black contrasts extremely nicely with her large platinum blonde hair, and combined with her large, maroon lips and thick, pointed eyeliner - it’s a nice reminder that drag is both an art and something weird as hell. Watching your best friend to what they love and truly one of the best experiences of your life.

The pair of you are off stage left, Lucy on the other side grinding on some speakers. As some Nicki Minaj song plays, you can feel Bucky bounce to the beat behind you. He’s got a surprising amount of rhythm, and as your hips sync his body presses closer and closer to your own. It doesn’t take long, maybe half a chorus for it to turn into full-on grinding, your ass pressed into his crotch so hard you’re worried he’s going to be bruised when he wakes up tomorrow.

Bucky doesn’t seem to mind, though, nipping at the outer shell of your ear with his lips pressed into the tender skin.

“You do this kind of thing often?” he asks, already deep voice now at a low growl.

You shake your head, moving to take another sip of your drink before answering. “Not really, but Lucy is my best friend so sometimes I get dragged,” you snort a little at your unintentional pun. “To shows and stuff.”

Bucky snickers a little. “That’s totally not what I was asking about, but you also don’t seem like the person who’d be friends with Boudoir Z.”

Your cheeks immediately heat hotter than the Equator as you attempt to backpedal. After a few seconds of stammering, though, the liquid courage surging through your veins comes to a head. “Can I suck your dick?”

You turn to face the man behind you, who seems just as surprised at your inquiry as you are. Still, with his eyebrows raised to his hairlines and his eyes wide, he agrees. “Fuck yeah, lead the way.”

The bathrooms here are surprisingly clean, even if the lock of the door doesn’t quite work. But, judging by the second Pink song of the night, you’ve got awhile before the masses become unoccupied and their bladders realize how much alcohol they’ve consumed.

He shoves you against the tiled wall, lips plush and a stark contrast to his scratchy beard. You want it between your thighs, you sigh into his mouth and a wave of heat rolls through your center. But that’ll have to wait for another time.

Locating his zipper as you kiss him is hard, but not impossible, and soon you’re able to free his cock from its painful confines. Bucky gasps at the rush of cold air, a sound that turns into a deep moan when you wrap an eager hand around him. Maybe some other time, some other night when you’re not fueled purely by endorphins, caffeine, and several glasses of bottom-shelf alcohol, you’d do some foreplay, maybe some dirty talk.

Now, though, your mouth waters at the sign of his hard length, and before Bucky can even get a good grip on your hair you’re spitting on him before taking him as far as your throat permits. He moans deep and guttural, jaw going slack and head leaning against the wall. One of his hands feels cool on your head and it’s nearly sobering, how the freezing material feels against the fire dancing across your skin. You’d question the (seemingly) nonhuman appendage, but the progressive soaking of your underwear and his cursing brings your focus to a pinpoint.

Every single one of his “oh fuck”s and “oh baby that feels so good”s drive you to take him harder, faster, and all too soon Bucky’s getting the message and fucking into your throat. Spit falls from your jaw to between your knees, some slick reminder of how gross this is. That only pushes you, though, to wrap a hand around his base with the other massaging his balls.

“Fuck I’m gonna come,” he moans, eyes rolling to the back of his head as both hands wrap around him. “Gonna fucking come down your throat, fuck.”

Fuck yes he is, you think, shoving him back down your throat one last time before the grip on your scalp gets impossibly tight and his thrusts suddenly still and his lets out the deepest, most erotic noise you’ve ever heard in your entire fucking life. The salty taste of him rolls down your tongue and down your throat, his whole body tense as he shoots his load into your mouth.

The second he releases your hair you fall back against the sink, air you’re gulping tainted with the taste of Bucky’s cum. He seems stunned, a little out of it, but still offers to reciprocate. It’s then you realize that Patti LaBelle is playing, and if you’re remembering the song correctly, you’ve got thirty seconds to be backstage and ready to help your best friend get de-dragged.

“Fuck, I gotta go,” you hiss, splashing cold water on your face and trying to calm your ragged breaths. Just before you can open the bathroom door, though, Bucky stops you.

“Wait, just,” he huffs, digging in his pockets for something. Quickly he produces a phone, and he hands it you with the “new contact screen” on it. “Please, give me your number.”

It’s obvious he’s the stronger of both of you, so you slam your fingers on the cracked screen to string together your phone number. It seems the man’s satisfied, because he releases the ajar door from your grip and lets you flee backstage. Lucy comes off just in time for you to meet her, ready with make up wipes and chapstick. Instead of taking both from you, though, she brushes past you to grab at a bottle of water – a surefire sign she’s not done.

You begin to protest, knowing she’s too drunk to lip sync to choral music, let alone her traditional encore playlist. But she waves you off.

“I’m just going to meet some people at the bar take some pics,” Lucy downs the entire 32 ounces of water in record time, barely getting any lipstick on the mouth of the thing. “Don’t worry, just…I don’t know,” she rolls her eyes at her own inability to speak. “Go kill a Westboro Baptist Church member or something, alright? Just…” she hiccups and starts to lean to the right, but adjusts herself before you can do anything. You steady her with a hand on her shoulder, and she lowers her face to yours and juts her lower lip out to pout. “Just wait up for me, okay. I don’t think I can find my way home alone.”

Before you can respond she pushes past you and into the screaming crowd, her shouts and shrieks almost as loud. A quick scan of the dimly-lit bar reveals no Bucky, and without his number you’re stuck putting her reveals back together and unused the unused supplies.

At the end of the night you meet Lucy back where you left her – only this time in black leggings and a purple NARAL shirt shirt three-sizes too big. As she wipes away at the thick cosmetic mask with a dirty make up wipe, your eyes meet hers in the mirror.

“I saw you with some guy tonight,” a smirk paints her lips as heat paints your cheeks. “Did anything happen?”

You bite at your bottom lip, hoping she won’t press further. Luckily, she remains covert, just giving you a once over before speaking again.

“Are you gonna run off with him and abandon me to do all my drag shit by myself?” She asks. Lucy’s tone is playful, but you can tell there’s a hint of seriousness to it.

You shake your head, tucking a bit of hair behind your ear and tucking your hands into your jean pockets. “C’mon, you know I’d never do that. You’re my best friend. How could I put anyone before you?”

Lucy turns around and smiles, perfectly white teeth especially pearly surrounded by the smudged deep purple lipstick and thick, black eyeshadow, a misplaced lash, and what looks to be a twenty-dollar bill stuck behind her ear due to excess wig glue. “Good, because there’s no way I could do Boudoir Z without you.”

Silence settles over both of you as she wipes off the rest of her make up (and pulls out the cash stuck in her hair and to her neck). The only sounds are her throwing loose powders and eye shadow into her make up suitcase and, soon, your phone vibrating in your back pocket. On the screen flashes a text from an unknown number, Bucky you think, and then another right after.

wanna see you again

when are you free

You smile at the screen, giddy like a middle schooler being asked out by her crush. “Hey, Luce…” you wait until she’s facing you to continue. “When’s your next show?”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #lanis2ndmysteriouswritingchallenge #like idk what came over me but... #im not ashamed and refuse to be #lukis writes stuff #i finished this in less than an afternoon #like i wrote 2k so quick wtf

[mintythefreshest]

GUYSGUYSGUYS IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

So I recently found a post on a website written by @thatdiabolicalfeminist which describes what a lesbian experience is like before someone realizes they're a lesbian, and I just want to say THANK YOU, I needed this, it's incredibly validating to realize that I'm not lying to myself, that I'm definitely not straight and I should be proud :))

Here's the text post, since I can't find the original on their blog:

"Common experiences of lesbians who don’t know they’re lesbians yet

 Out of curiosity, I recently googled “Am I lesbian quiz”. Half the “Are You a Lesbian” quizzes just asked outright, “Are you attracted to women?” as though that isn’t the very answer a questioning lesbian is trying to figure out. The other half marked me as heterosexual for things like owning more nail varnish than dogs. I hope this list will give you more nuanced ideas to think about as you explore your identity. 

These experiences are all really common among - but not universal or exclusive to - people who later realize they’re lesbians and find a comfortable home in the lesbian label and community. 

It’s mostly stuff that I and other lesbians I know have wished we knew when we were first coming to grips with our lesbian identities, because the fact is it takes a long time to discover how common a lot of these experiences are among lesbians, and not knowing what to look for when trying to figure out if you’re a lesbian can be hard. 

‘Attraction’ to men

Deciding which guys to be attracted to – not to date, but to be attracted to – based on how well they match a mental list of attractive qualities 

Only developing attraction to a guy after a female friend expresses attraction to him

Getting jealous of a specific female friend’s relationships with guys and assuming you must be attracted to the guys she’s with (even if you never really noticed them before she was interested in them)

Picking a guy at random to be attracted to

Choosing to be attracted to a guy at all, not just choosing to act on it but flipping your attraction on like a switch – that’s a common lesbian thing

Having such high standards that literally no guy meets them – and feeling no spark of attraction to any guy who doesn’t meet them

Only/mostly being into guys who are gnc in some way (losing interest when a long-haired or androgynous guy cuts off his hair or grows a beard is common)

Only/mostly being attracted to unattainable, disinterested, or fictional guys or guys you never or rarely interact with

Being deeply uncomfortable and losing all interest in these unattainable guys if they ever indicate they might reciprocate

Reading your anxiety/discomfort/nervousness/combativeness around men as attraction to them

Reading a desire to be attractive to men as attraction to them

Having a lot of your ‘guy’ crushes later turn out to be trans women

Relationships with men

Feeling anxious and put on the spot any time you interact with any guy who could conceivably be interested in you, even if he doesn’t make a move

Dreading what feels like an inevitable domestic future with a man

Or looking forward to an idealized version of it that resembles literally no m/f relationship you’ve ever seen in your life, never being able to picture any man you’ve actually met in that image

Being repulsed by the dynamics of most/all real life m/f relationships you’ve seen and/or regularly feeling like “maybe it works for them but I never want my relationship to be like that”

Thinking you’re commitmentphobic because no relationship, no matter how great the guy, feels quite right and you drag your feet when it comes time to escalate it

Going along with escalation because it seems like the 'appropriate time’ or bc the guy wants it so bad, even if you personally aren’t quite ready to say I love you or have labels or move in together etc.

Or jumping ahead and trying to rush to the ‘comfortably settled’ part of relationships with guys, trying to make a relationship a done deal without investing time into emotional closeness

Feeling like you have to have relationships with guys and/or let them get serious in order to prove something, maybe something nebulous you can’t identify

Only having online relationships with guys; preferring not to look at the guys you’re interacting with online; choosing not to meet up with a guy even if you seem very into him and he reciprocates and meeting up is totally realistic

Getting a boyfriend mostly so other people know you have a boyfriend and not really being interested in him romantically/sexually

Wishing your boyfriend was more like your female friends

Wishing your boyfriend was less interested in romance and/or sex with you and that you could just hang out as pals

Thinking you’re really in love with a guy but being able to get over him in such record time that you pretend to be more affected than you are so your friends don’t think you’re heartless

After a breakup, missing having a boyfriend more than you miss the specific guy you were with 

Worrying that you’re broken inside and unable to really love anyone

Sex with men

Having sex not out of desire for the physical pleasure or emotional closeness but because you like feeling wanted

OR: preferring to 'be a tease’ to feel wanted but feeling like following through is a chore

Only being comfortable with sex with men if there’s an extreme power imbalance 

Only having sex with men that’s about fulfilling their fantasies or pleasing them

Spending the whole time making sure you look or sound hot and not really thinking about what feels good

Using sex with men as a form of self-harm

Feeling numb or dissociating or crying during/after sex with men (even if you don’t understand that reaction and think you’re fine and that you’re crying etc for no reason)

Being bored with sex with men/not understanding what the big deal is that makes other women want it

Doing it anyway out of obligation or a desire to be a good sport/do something nice for him

Never/rarely having sexual fantasies about specific men, preferring to leave them as undetailed as possible or not thinking about men at all while fantasizing

Having to make a concerted effort to fantasize about the guy you’re “attracted” to

Early interest in women

Not recognizing past/current crushes on women until you’ve come to grips with your attraction to women

Being unusually competitive, shy, or eager to impress specific women when you’re not that way with anyone else

Wanting to kiss your female best friend on the mouth for literally any reason (”to practice for boys” included)

Getting butterflies or feeling like you can’t get close enough when cuddling with a close female friend

Looking at a close female friend and feeling something in your chest clench up and being overwhelmed with love for her - love you may read as platonic

Having had strong and abiding feelings of admiration for a specific female teacher, actor, etc., growing up that were deep and reverent

Having had an unusually close relationship with a female friend growing up that was different and special in a way you couldn’t articulate

Thinking relationships would be simpler “if only I were attracted to women/my best friend who would be perfect for me if she/I weren’t a girl”

When a female friend is treated badly by a man, having your protective thoughts turn in the direction of “if I was him/a man I’d never do that to her/my girlfriend”

Being utterly fascinated by any lesbians you know/see in media and thinking they’re all ultra cool people

Having your favourite character in every show be that one gay-coded or butch-looking woman (like Shego from Kim Possible or Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica)

Feeling weirdly guilty and uncomfortable in locker rooms etc., when your female friends are less clothed than they normally would be around men, and being more careful not to look than they are

Spending a lot of time looking at women and appreciating/being curious about their bodies

Being really curious about women who defy gender roles in some way, finding defying gender roles in dress, behaviour, styling etc really appealing and cool

The 'straight’ version of you

Thinking that all straight girls feel at least some attraction to women

Thinking that your interest in seeing attractive women/scantily clad women/boobs is an artificial reaction caused by the objectification of women in media

Thinking you’re just a super intense feminist for genuinely thinking women are amazing and having an overwhelming preference for their company

Being really into how women look “aesthetically”/“just as artistic interest”/“fashion goals”

Thinking it’s objective and uncontested that almost all women are way more attractive than most men

Being a really intense LGBT+ “ally” and getting weirdly emotional about homophobia but assuming you’re just a Really Good Ally and v empathetic

Having like half your friend group from school turn out to be LGBT+ 

Getting emotional or having a strong reaction you don’t understand to f/f love stories etc.

Having had people think you were gay when you had no suspicion you were gay 

Exploring attraction to women

Feeling like you could live with a woman in a romantic way, even if you can’t imagine doing anything sexual with a woman

Feeling like you could enjoy sexual interaction with a woman, even if you can’t imagine having romantic feelings for a woman

Thinking you couldn’t be a lesbian because you’re not attractive enough, cool enough, or otherwise in the same league as most of the women you know 

Interacting with het sex/romance in media by imagining yourself in the man’s position or just never/rarely imagining yourself in the woman’s position

Really focusing on the women in het porn

Being really into the idea of kissing/being sexual with a woman 'to turn guys on’

Being really annoyed when guys actually do express interest in watching or joining in when you do that

Only feeling/expressing attraction to or sexual interest in women when you’re inebriated or otherwise impaired 

Gender Feelings

Having a lot of conflicting gender feelings that are only possible to resolve once you understand you are/can be a lesbian

Thinking that being gnc and feeling a disconnect from traditional womanhood mean that you can’t be a woman even if that’s what feels closest to right - many lesbians are gnc and many lesbians feel disconnected from traditional womanhood since it’s so bound up in heteropatriarchy

Knowing you’re attracted to women and not being able to parse that (esp + any gender nonconformance) as gay, taking a long time to figure out if you’re a straight man or a lesbian

Being dysphoric about the parts of you that make straight men think your body is owed to them, having to figure out what that dysphoria means for/to you

Wishing straight people and/or men didn’t parse you as a woman, but being totally comfortable with the idea of other women seeing you as one of them

Knowing you’re attracted to women, but feeling weirdly guilty and uncomfortable trying to interact with them as a straight man, and only later realizing you’re actually a trans lesbian

Knowing you’re gay, but feeling like you’re struggling against comp het stuff – discomfort, obligation, fear, disinterest, self-objectification, etc. – when you try to interact with men romantically/sexually, and only later realizing you’re a trans lesbian and not a gay man

Being nonbinary and taking a long time to sort through being able to respect/understand your nonbinary identity and your lesbianness at the same time

Considering lesbianism

Wanting to be a lesbian but feeling like if you don’t already know you are one you can’t be

Feeling alienated from all the male-gazey unrealistic depictions of lesbians as only being young thin rich white cis abled conventionally attractive gender conforming straight actresses in tv/movies/porn and thinking that alienation means you can’t be gay 

Discovering that your type is gnc women or women who share your underrepresented demographic and that’s why you’re not really attracted to celebrities

Not feeling attracted to straight women but suddenly having lots of crushes when you know for sure certain women are bi/gay

Feeling guilty about wanting to be a lesbian, feeling like you’re just attention-seeking or trying to be trendy

Suppressing your lesbian dreams because you think exploring that desire would mean you’re a bad/homophobic person using lesbianness selfishly

Wishing you were a lesbian to escape the discomfort of dating men

Fantasizing about how much fun it would be to be a lesbian and just be with women/a specific woman, but thinking that can’t be for you

Worrying that some of your past attraction to men was actually real so you can’t be a lesbian

Worrying that bc you can’t be 100% sure you’re not attracted to men and can’t be 100% sure you won’t change your mind, you can’t be a lesbian

Worrying that you only want to be a lesbian because of trauma and that means your lesbianness would be Fake

Worrying that trauma-induced complications in how you experience sex (e.g., a habit of self-harming via sex w men or a fear of/lack of interest in any sex at all) mean you’re not a Real Lesbian

Every item on this list is common among Real Lesbians. It’s all Normal Lesbian Stuff. If you’re worried that you can’t be a lesbian even though it’s the life you really want for yourself, I hope this gives you permission to explore that. You are allowed to be a lesbian.  

And if you’re not sure yet – if you took the time to read this entire thing because you’re curious about your identity, if you identified with a bunch of items on this list – you may or may not be a lesbian, but friend, you almost certainly aren’t cishet. Welcome.

(I’d love to hear other things lesbians wish you’d known were A Thing when you were first exploring your identity!)"

Again, this post is from @thatdiabolicalfeminist , all credit is to them

#lesbiansafe #lesbian positivity #lesbian #questioning #lgbtq #wlw #gay

[youcancallmeelle]

And I’ll Be The Sky And You Be The Bird... Part 1: (FP Jones x Original Character).

** Inspired by this song **

I was so used to isolating myself and building walls around myself to protect me from any potential threat, and by ‘threat’ I meant the human race.

I wasn’t one for friendship groups or for traditions, holidays spent with those you love the most and I definitely had no interest in caring for people. In fact, the word ‘love’ made me cringe and die a little inside.

I have no idea why I became this way but I’ve learnt to accept it and to be honest, I had no intention of changing, not for anyone or anything.

But, that all changed ever so slightly when I moved to Riverdale, the town with pep.

Here I was, it was the height of summer.

The sun was blaring down and the heat basically slapped you in the face the minute you stepped outside.

I was at a gathering with friends, down by sweet water river where the water flowed out into a large, crystal clear lake.

The grass was green and the flowers bloomed, the water was steady and tranquil.

The smell of food drifted through the still air, obvious proof that Archie had burnt either the hotdogs or burgers on the barbecue.

I’d become friends with the group almost immediately after moving here from Ohio with my parents, where I broke free from routine and bad habits.

Archie and Betty were the first to introduce themselves and soon followed a mysterious stranger named Jughead, who was soon joined by Kevin, Veronica and Cheryl.

We all got on like a house on fire, we were the perfect match. It was almost like our personalities clashed in the best way, mellowing each other out.

This ‘gathering’ was initially inner circle only, but now there was at least Fifty of us. It consisted of the usual group, Reggie Mantle and the football team but also the Southside serpents.

It was no surprise that the serpents had shown up, seeing as Kevin was with Joaquin and Jughead’s Dad was the leader of the serpents, Jug’s recent pledge to the Southside also a contributing factor.

Strangely, I wasn’t at all intimidated by them, only fascinated.

After the involvement of Jughead’s Dad with Jason Blossom’s murder and Joaquin’s helping hand, I should have probably been terrified but I wasn’t.

“Liv, I want to see a drink in your hand or I’ll personally throw you in that lake!” Reggie bellowed, snapping me out of my daydream and pointing at me.

“Yes, Sir.” I replied, saluting him with an eye roll and proceeding the pour myself some lemonade from the table that was set up with a variety of refreshments.

I wasn’t in the mood for an alcoholic beverage, most of the people here were already drunk.

I observed my surroundings, watching Jughead spin Betty who had a massive smile upon her face.

Archie was on barbecue duty with Veronica by his side, red wine in hand.

Reggie and Dylton were manning the music, chart music blaring from the speakers that were on the back of Archie’s truck.

I sighed to myself, pushing my Ray Ban sunglasses on top of my head to push my blonde waves out of my face.

I felt like I needed a break from all the socialising for a while, it was overwhelming, so I took a slow walk down the bank, closer to the lake’s edge and away from the blaring music.

I found myself settling down towards the bottom of the bank and taking a seat on the grass, staring out over the water.

I was so invested in the environment that I didn’t even notice a presence sit down beside me, not until the presence spoke.

“Needed some time to yourself?”

I jumped at the sound of a male voice, snapping my head to see who it was.

I shielded my eyes from the sun to see who my company was, suprised at who I saw.

“You scared me.” I grumbled, wiping spilt lemonde off my bare legs and wiping my hand on my denim shorts.

“I’m sorry.” The serpent sniggered, removing their jacket and using it to sit on.

I took a moment to watch him, immediately noticing the similarity to Jughead.

“Name?” I asked bluntly, my stare set on the snake leader.

“FP.” He retorted, revealing a gorgeous set of white teeth.

“FP? How original, I like it. Last name Jones?”

He nodded and frowned before replying, pushing the sleeves up on his flannel shirt.

“You know my son?” He asked me and I nodded, admiring his slightly tanned skin.

“Yeah, he’s my age.”

“You’re Eighteen?” FP quizzed and I nodded. “You look older.” He told me, drinking in my appearance.

I looked pretty plain in my converse, denim shorts and black t-shirt.

“Charming.” I scoffed, picking at the plastic of my cup and sloshing the liquid around.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way, I was just saying. Are you going to tell me your name or spite me?” The leader defended, holding his hands up jokingly.

I cracked a smile.

“It’s Liv, Liv Myers. Why have you sneaked away?” I wondered, watching the older man relax.

“Sometimes I just need to get away, even just for ten minutes. The serpents are my whole life, next to Jughead but sometimes being around people is suffocating.” FP explained and I nodded, pursing my lips as I agreed with his statement.

“Fair enough.”

“Why have you?” He shot back, his dark eyes full of curiosity.

“I’m not really a people person and anyway, my friends can take care of themselves.”

“Do you not have a boyfriend to take care of you?”

“I don’t need anyone to ’take care of me’, I can look after myself. I’m a big girl and I don’t depend on anyone, never have. I’m not into that relationship stuff anyway, it’s not my style.” I spoke, taking a small sip of my drink.

“What is your style?”

“Sex with no strings attached and not having to care about anyone.”

FP let out a chuckle and shook his head, looking forward over the clear lake.

“It seems you have no heart.” He commented and I shrugged, glancing at him.

“Maybe so, but atleast I don’t have to worry about it getting broken.”

FP hummed and thought about my response for a second before he spoke again, rubbing his jaw.

“It’s sad that at your age this is what you’re saying, it just seems wrong… Every other teenager is out experimenting and learning, dating and making mistakes.”

“I don’t particularly care, I’m not like everyone else and I take pride in that.”

“But don’t you ever want to go on a date? To actually feel something for that one person?” He asked, stretching out his legs and leaning back on his elbows.

“Why are you asking such weird questions?” I laughed, placing my almost empty cup beside me on the grass.

“I’m just curious, you intrigue me, Liv.” FP said, smiling at me and I couldn’t help but smirk back.

“And what about me intrigues you?” I wondered and this time it was his turn to smirk, the kind of look that was full of mischief.

“Your lack of sentiment.”

“Bite me, old man.” I responded, removing my sunglasses from my head and shoving them on my face.

“Ouch.”

“How old are you anyway?” I questioned him, looking over the top of my sunglasses to admire him.

“Double your age and some.” He chuckled and I raised my eyebrows, not quite believing that this guy was probably nearing Forty years of age.

He looked like he was in his mid thirties at the most, there wasn’t a single grey hair that I could see.

“You look good.” I nodded, looking him up and down.

“I’d say the same but I doubt it’s appropriate.” FP laughed as did I, I leant my head back to soak in the rays, loving the feeling of the heat all over my body.

I pursed my lips for a second before turning in his direction, seeing that he’d lay back on the grass, his eyes closed and lips pouted slightly.

“If it’s any consolation, I have a thing for older guys.” I teased, watching his eyes snap open.

I bit my lip as he studied my face, obviously trying to decide if I was messing with him or not.

“Good to know.” He replied, an amused look on his face.

I licked my dry lips and proceeded to roll over onto my stomach, my tanned legs in the air as I picked at the blades of grass.

I could feel FP’s stare burning into me like a hot laser, I turned to watch him.

His eyes were focused on my legs, trailing up to my ass that was just about covered in my distressed shorts.

I coughed to draw his attention, an obvious grin on my face as he snapped out of his trance and let our eyes meet.

“You alright?”

“Yeah.” FP stuttered, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair.

“Is the serpents your main job?” I inquired, watching FP shift his position to his side and leaning on his hand.

“I guess so, yeah. What about you?”

“I work at the mechanics near Riverdale high, it’s great.”

FP looked shocked, his eyebrows raised.

“You work with cars? I’d never have thought that, it’s pretty hot. If you ever want to make any extra cash, we always have cars come in at the Whyte Wyrm.” He informed me and I let out a loud laugh, almost snorting.

“Dream on, like I’m ever going to join in with your dodgy gang!��� I exclaimed and FP let out a small laugh, rolling his brown eyes.

“It was worth a try.” He beamed, flashing his perfect teeth once again.

I didn’t say anything, only stared at him.

FP Jones was truly gorgeous, his eyes were still bright and containing youth, his smile was something to be envious of. He was still in good shape, he was fit and muscular.

“You alright?” FP asked, repeating the same line as I had earlier as he caught my lingering stare.

I frowned as I came to the realisation of how in depth my thoughts were, how detailed they were.

I couldn’t do this, I didn’t want to get close to anyone, I didn’t want anyone new in my life and I especially couldn’t start something with a middle aged man, let alone a serpent.

“I need to go.” I stammered, hastily getting up.

I watched FP’s face drop in disappointment, it was clear that he’d enjoyed our conversation.

“Will I see you again?” His distinctive voice called out from behind me as I walked away, brushing my hair back.

“In hell probably.” I muttered to myself, resisting the urge to turn back.

I couldn’t get back to the party quick enough, my heart pounding against my chest so hard that I thought it might burst out at any moment.

I didn’t have a chance to get my bearings because I soon felt a hand yank at my wrist and my heart rate only increased at the thought of it being FP.

To my relief, it was only Betty.

I sighed happily and looked at the blonde girl so thankfully, glad that it was her and not him.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Ronnie made you a cocktail.” She explained, handing me a brightly coloured drink that smelt of mainly rum and tropical fruit.

“Um, I went down to the lake, just needed a minute.” I excused, taking a sip of the drink and scrunching my nose up.

“You were gone longer than a minute… wait, was FP there?” Betty asked, looking directly behind me.

I turned to see what she was staring at but quickly regained my composure as I saw him.

“Erm, no, just me.” I lied, unsure of why I was acting so guilty.

“Right…” Betty hummed but I don’t think she was convinced.

“Let’s go find Kevin!” I suggested, feigning excitement and attempting to distract the blonde.

I caught FP’s eye as I dragged Betty away, his head tilted to the side like he was analysing me.

Why did I have the feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time I saw him?

#fp jones imagine #riverdale imagines #jughead jones imagine #fp jones

[trulyhopelessromantic]

There’s a lot going on with me internally so maybe it’ll help if I write it out?

This has to do with some impostor syndrome, some frustration about certain aspects, some feelings of loneliness, some lack of direction in life, and other stuff...

Heavily on my mind recently is the lack of interaction on my writing page on Facebook, my Patreon and anything to do with my advertisements of any pieces of my writing.

I’ve spoken on this before but right now I just feel friggen... angry. I tried to take a bit of a break on the more ‘serious’ work Beauty & the Brit which makes me some money every month on Patreon.com when I release new content for it and instead this month focus on some fun with The Nutcracker Prince story I wrote and finished last year by hosting some livestreams to interact with people about it and about Christmas and I dunno just encourage some escapism as well as get people to read the story and (hopefully) comment on it. All for free, I might add. So all the hours of work I’ve put in advertising this four-part event to the 4 part story is done of my own free will. Unless people read something and then decide to sign up as a patron, I am not getting paid this month for hosting these events on my official Facebook (as that is easiest to livestream from).

But like 1 person has joined in on the ‘fun’ and while I’m grateful for that I’m still upset. If I wanted to hang out with my friend I would just do so on a 2 way video chat. Granted, her boyfriend joined in on the game this week but she had to type his answers in via her profile so there was some delay...

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or selfish when I complain about things like this. But it’s coming from a place of me just being frustrated and met with this sort of radio silence over and over again when I try to work hard on developing my presence as an author via various social media. It really feeds into me feeling like maybe I need to focus on being a better writer not a better advertiser for my work. Makes me think I am shit at both things, actually. Because no matter how much advertising I do or how much content I release, I see no response towards it.

There’s nothing I hate more (well there are things but go with the phrase) than when I’m talking and you can tell people aren’t listening anymore because they start talking to someone else and/or walk away while I’m in mid-sentence. That’s what this feels like. Feels like I’m talking to myself; feels like I’m a ghost.

Look social media algorithms probably block my stuff from getting through certain places. Ok fine that’s shit but fine. However when I see traffic graphs on various sites I’m posting on going up, I begin to wonder. Coz clearly people are “walking by” but they aren’t stopping to look. Or if they are they aren’t impressed. It’s been said (not by me first) that reblogs and comments are the currency for an audience who consumes media whether a picture, video, piece of writing, you name it. Nobody is paying the price of admission. In fact barely anyone is even hitting ‘like’ on my stuff which frankly when I see that gets me excited for half a second until I realize they hit like but they can’t be bothered to also share what they like. Like throwing some glitter to say “hey pretty” or whatever but then walking away. Like looking at me for a second then moving on.

I have had the rare comment on a piece. But at this point it’s so rare that I just don’t get very excited anymore because the comment that I get rarely feels fulfilling. It’s like “OOOH I LIKE THIS” and then I never hear from the commenter again when I personally go in and thank them. It also doesn’t really feel as fulfilling because those comments are on my one-shots and fan-fics. So like stuff that people already like the characters enough to go and click on my work and then they say “good”. So I am good enough when it comes to a little one-shot about someone else’s character but my original work is left alone with me in my room, in my head, in my word documents and on the pages where I publish it but it’s only appreciated by my eyes. That’s what this silence feels like.

2020 has been hard on everyone in different ways and I could go on for a long time about all the difficulties I’ve faced myself but generally right now I just want to acknowledge the frustration and anger I feel at trying so hard this year to keep myself together enough to post consistently and produce writing content and related content and put my work out there and keep advertising and hosting things to garner interest and then have so little to show for it. 

Frankly I feel so sad to the depth of my core at this. I’m trying I’m putting my energy into something out into the universe and am met with thoughts of “you’re not good enough and what you’re doing is not good enough because as you can see there’s so little returning to you for this”. It’s not great.

I feel like I have to reinvent my whole process, my whole routine, my everything to do with writing. I have to stop what I’m doing, I have to just go silent and write and get better at that and then maybe seek out other pastures like trying to hire an agent or something instead of independently trying to gain some interest in what I do. Maybe friggen write short pieces for magazines (gag) or something like that to “prove my worth” as a writer.

I don’t want to give up but I’m running out of steam some nights and some days. I emotionally don’t and I emotionally can’t keep doing this.

So I dunno what to do. Maybe Beauty & the Brit gets put away and I work on novel(s) that I want to traditionally publish and not get money on Patreon anymore because that’s just my friends and sister on there (currently) giving a couple of dollars to me a month and even they aren’t interacting much with the content (1 person is maybe once a month or so). That’s not great. 1 of 5. 

And another thing is that I’m too shy to prompt people in their inboxes or personally and individually ask them to take action. Whether friends or whether potential readers; I feel silly going and messaging people and handing them a link. It feels like spamming people or something. I’ve never been good with that sort of thing and I hate conflict I don’t want to alienate people. If I’ve asked you once to check out a piece of my work it’s generally because I felt it was appropriate to do; it wasn’t random and unsolicited. 

And anyway this feeling of putting out more than I’m getting back is in a lot more than just my writing/advertising of that. It’s in other relationships in my life and other scenarios that I don’t want to detail here because I could go on for awhile and only upset myself and possibly those people too if they read this. As my counselor told me in the summer (when I had a complete break down and had to call our city’s distress line to find someone to help me out with my stress) I’ve let people cross my boundaries and I know I keep letting this happen because I’m... I’ve never been a person good with conflict. I don’t like also feeling like I’m being selfish or unreasonable or high maintenance or a bother or a burden. I also know that certain things in the lives of people around me would be made easier and/or better if I keep my mouth shut about how I’m actually feeling. Or would be made better if I do something even if I’m not up to it/not up for it. For months now I on again and off again do things I don’t want to because I know it will improve the life/day of someone else. I know in my head I have to stop it for my own sake but I can’t bring myself to acknowledge it to that other person or persons when I know it would *possibly* upset them to hear. So round and round I go. Furthermore a lot of these individuals are dealing with bigger mental health problems than I am or that I ever had. I know it’s not my job to hold them up but it’s hard to put down a boundary that I know will be really difficult for that other person to find in between us.

Also, recently I’ve started to feel lonely again. I try not to think about it or acknowledge it but it keeps popping its head round. I’m getting older and I still have no romantic interests. Yeah 2020 made that real difficult to solve so I get that and for the record NO I will not be joining online dating so don’t suggest or ask. No. But like I just wonder when and where I’m going to find someone I want to date and that wants to date me. At this point it feels weird for me to say that because I feel like I should be in a long term relationship and/or married and/or thinking about marriage. What depresses me is that I know I couldn’t and shouldn’t marry someone after knowing them only a couple years. So, I have this sense of urgency because if I’m going to be with the man I’m going to marry for several years then time was up long ago. I don’t want to start having kids when I’m about to turn 40. And no, I will not be having children before I’m married. It’s probably dumb to others but to me it’s not at all unreasonable to want to have time spent with my future husband before we marry. Coz the thing is my biggest fear is not knowing enough about one another and really being sure enough and then divorcing down the road and heaven forbid I have kids in the divorce. As a child of divorce myself that has always been my biggest fear. Anyway enough with the analysis of all that I just... I’m friggen trulyhopelessromantic for gosh sakes and I have not experienced romance myself yet. It makes me want to sob. So I just don’t think about it other than matter of factly (I don’t have a love interest. Dot, period, the end) and don’t acknowledge it much. But it really, really bothers me.

As does the fact that I have no easily visible career path. Again 2020 botched some ideas I had and I’m sitting here feeling frankly hopeless that I can’t and won’t find something to do for work that I’m going to enjoy doing. Because writing right now is not anywhere close to being an income; it’s like some weekend spending money that I get once a month to cover one weekend a month; it’s quite a low amount. And I have been trying sooo hard to make it work out to be a little more than that. A little. But as said, no. I got a temporary job this winter to work a festival but due to this damned virus we never went through with it. I was REALLY hoping to get that money. That’s another fucking stress is money. I need it; we all do.

My brother gets money monthly for income support (which to my understanding means he has to look for jobs while on it but doesnt...!?!?? yet still receives it) and on top of that the child tax credit for having his daughter in his care. It drives me mental to see him pretty much always buying what he wants when he wants and sitting in our basement not fucking cleaning it up and smoking pot a few times a day and leaving all the fucking weed stems around down there that our basement smells horrible and playing video games (whenever a new one comes out he seems to have it) and watching Netflix and TV and buying Christmas gifts he got a $100 giftcard for my sister with cash without batting an eye as I looked on meanwhile me I was thinking spending $40 on each sibling was a bit much especially in my budget and now I feel like I need to put more because all of them guaranteed are getting me gifts that will be worth more than that. But, they’re all working (minus him) and I’m not. I mean I have my casual contracting work with Apprenticeship but I get paid only $100 and it’s once a month and now they’re fucking taking away the 12.75 I have normally claimed on top of that for travel because “it’s not parking and you’re not coming from out of town so transit fares might not qualify for reimbursement” since the fuck when!? FUck. sorry that’s sometihing from earlier in the week and I’m typing so fast with mistakes coz I’m so mad at that. I barely make anything and now they’re cutting that back too. Anyway back to my brother basically he does nothing all day with so few worries and gets paid by the government meanwhile I feel like I’m in a fucking crisis trying to find a career path and a job path.

I rarely apply for jobs because I can’t bring myself to look, I can’t bring myself to know what to look for, I can’t bring myself to apply for anything that I know will be temporary or anything that I know I do’t want to stay in because I am sick of having a max 3 year turnover when I have a job. I want to go into something with the hope of staying around, growing, and ultimately enjoying what I’m doing too. My jobs in life thus far have all had to end and only a couple of them I even liked in the first place and that makes me sad that I don’t have any idea on what I want to do and can do and should do. I thought hey let me be an EA I didn’t mind that job when I did it in London. Yeah our provincial gov cut funding and reduced jobs in that sector combined with COVID that’s going to be a high supply job with people a lot more experienced than me applying for the limited positions. So fuck. Then teaching is kinda the same thing and I sure as hell cannot start my teaching career during a pandemic; I mentally can’t do it and the schools aren’t hiring me to do it even as a supply teacher. They’ve rejected me a number of times even pre-pandemic. Great.

Oh go back to school then! Yeah ok what money am I using to do this? What program am I taking? Again, I have no clear answers so why take a step into fog?

I want something clear, a fairly clear path that I can confidently take steps on. Or an end-goal that I can plan for. But I don’t have any of that. I feel lost. 

I’ve felt lost for awhile in a lot of parts of my life. I’m just floating, just existing, just...being. Just stuck. Just depressed (not diagnosed but some days I do wonder if I have a mild form somehow).

Further to this all I have unresolved grief which my on-going counselor can’t help me with until the new year because she “needs to get permission to do the grief counselling she’s trained in”.  I guess I could seek help elsewhere, I realized that as I typed out that last bit. I dunno. I just... miss my nephew and I have put up pictures of him but I don’t actually start to think about him because that grief comes up inside me. I won’t detail all those thoughts and feelings now because I don’t want to process them at 12:22 am and be sobbing in my room here. So I’ll just leave that there and say that I miss him.

I also feel like I have such a short attention span sometimes. And in recent years like there’s something wrong with my brain because I sometimes have bad word recall in the middle of talking or typing. Both of these things bother me and scare me. Not going to go into that because again it’s better for me emotionally not to actually delve into it.

I am doing that a lot with a lot of things: starting to have a thought or emotion and putting it away. Because I can’t process it and/or don’t want to acknowledge it because of how deeply it will upset me.

And there are more things that bother me and weigh on me but I won’t get into them because some of them aren’t actively going on right this moment and no use getting upset about past stuff (that will eventually repeat and/or come back to bother me more at a later date)...

I’m going to keep this post handy for when I talk to my on-going in the new year. We’ve only ever had 2 sessions so I just don’t know much about what to expect and/or talk about but this might help?

I feel like the guy in the summer I spoke to gave me that solid talk about boundaries and that has helped me a lot or at least opened my eyes a lot and now I just need to find the right footing with my on-going counselling. IDK we’ll see.

Well I’ll conclude this late-night blogging; maybe it’s helped to get it all out physically? I hope so; releasing a bit of steam from the bottle as it were.

oh damn and I forgot to mention about feeling so sad and drained about Christmas this year. Ever since I can remember I’ve always gone to my grandparents’ house for our traditional Christmas Eve meal and gone to church then slept over at their place and awoken Christmas Day there. Then of course the 2 yrs I was in London I didn’t get to do that but at least I got to Skype the family as they did it and still felt a part in some small way. Well now this fucking virus and damn assholes not doing their part to slow the curve has made it so that we have to do the entire thing on video chat this year and I honestly might be able to get over the meal bit of it being digital but I can’t wrap my head around waking up Christmas Day in my own bed in my own house. Like I’m about to cry writing that out. So going to file that away like the rest and end here.

Fucking fuck.

#there's a lot here but I just need to type it out for my own self

[violetemerald]

Bay Kennish headcanons

Ah Switched at Birth series finale tonight? Who, like me, is (totally not) ready??

Ok, so… as I kinda explained here: http://luvtheheaven.tumblr.com/post/159312248682/so-the-tumblr-mobile-app-is-really-frustrating-me

I’m a flailing idiot when it comes to answering asks publicly on tumblr’s mobile app, I suppose. Kept accidentally doing it privately. Ok so @zserb is awesome and sent me back my private answer so I could post it here.

zserb asked: Hi? I’ve seen your tags on that “ABCD ki­nds of headcanon” me­me, and I’m really curious whether you have anything about Bay Kennish. (Actuall­y, I’m really intere­sted in what you thi­nk about Bay Kennish regardless of said meme too.) Thank you if you answer and have a nice day!

I, luvtheheaven, answered:

In response to:

http://luvtheheaven.­tumblr.com/post/1592­03462757/jerseydevio­us-ricobrzenskas-hyp­ocean

Yay thank you for pi­cking Bay from Switc­hed at Birth. She’s honestly one of my favorite characters of all time, especial­ly if restricting th­at to female, adoles­cent aged characters. I have so many tho­ughts about her but I don’t usually expl­icitly think of spec­ific or detailed hea­dcanons for her. I feel like Switched at Birth barely has a fandom, more just has some fans lol, and that’s part of that, perhaps. The only time I wrote fanfict­ion about Bay I wrote her as ace, in fact basically the exact same kind of asexu­al I am… but I really do NOT headcanon her as asexual at all. I think it’s possi­ble she’s bisexual, but I really just th­ink of her as straig­ht. As an example.

So onto the actual questions…

Headcanon A: what I think realistically

Ah this is a hard one to know what direc­tion to go in… I thi­nk Bay would have go­tten a lot more tatt­oos by now (I’m talk­ing during the curre­ntly airing season, which I know has only 1 more ep and then the entire series is over), but maybe for now they’re all under places where her clothing hides bec­ause she’s not brave enough to stand up to her parents about her new love of tat­toos?

What else is realist­ic… and headcanon is­h… hmm… I think she might have more desi­re than Daphne to ke­ep in touch with her biological (via Ang­elo) half sister who was adopted. I think she really FEELS family connections in general and one day soon she will meet more of Angelo’s fam­ily.

I think she could re­alistically be happi­ly childfree for her own life despite all the complicated pa­rental stuff she’s been through and thou­ght about, especially after seeing how hard parenting can be for Toby. I like he­adcanoning characters as childfree despi­te really wanting ad­optive parenthood my­self.

I bet Bay took a lit­tle more time than Daphne to start consi­dering the other a sister.

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hi­larious

Hilarious headcanons for Bay… surprising­ly hard for me. Mayb­e… that she has a tu­mblr she uses to post ink jobs she's pr­oud of, or even that she used to self pro­mote things like her street art but pret­ending she wasn’t se­lf promoting, anonym­ously being all “oh wow isn’t this cool?” Or more generally I think she’d thrive online and spend mo­re time online than most of her family on any side, Kennish or Vasquez or whatev­er… idk.

Headcanon C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inf­lict on friends

That she did inherit a high chance of ge­tting an anuerisym from Angelo? That she never real­ly fully forgave Reg­ina for not speaking up about the switch earlier and sometim­es the resentment sn­eaks up on her? That deep down, the biggest reason she worked so hard and so quickly to become as fluent in ASL as she could was not di­rectly to help her communicate with Emme­tt or Daphne. It was because she felt gu­ilty, she knew she should’ve gotten that illness when she was 3 and she should’ve lost her own heari­ng. She should’ve ne­eded to learn it for her own sake anyway.

I don’t know these are just some ideas really. Nothing is ac­tually a headcanon per se.

Headcanon D: what wo­uld never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway It doesn’t work with recent canon but while I could see Bay forgiving her broth­er, I don’t see her forgiving Lily or Me­lody for “following the law” and making her life a Title wha­tever number Rape In­vestigation on that campus. Especially not Bay Kennish, vand­alism is a hobby, I’­ll just falsely claim I committed a felo­ny… I don’t see her really understanding that level of follo­wing the law when it hurt her so much. I think she felt betr­ayed and she would’ve continued to for much more than one ep­isode. I think she’d possibly be trigger­ed by these people even, at least for a while, and if Toby continued to date Lily right after that she might not even fo­rgive Toby. Idk. May­be that’s too harsh but Bay… needs to bl­ame people, and feels things strongly, idk.

I think Bay would ex­cel at college if sh­e’d decided to go, not just art schools like she applied to but a general univer­sity or liberal arts college, probably major in linguistics like I did actually, look at her Miss Fl­uent in ASL, English, and Chinese now… I mean idk if she was fluent in Chinese (Mandarin?) but whatever skills she has is really impre­ssive and more than I can do lol… I think she could make money being an ASL interpreter and then focus on art projects that were more her passion than tattoo­s? Idk it’s just an idea for what could work for her.

Headcanons wise in terms of wouldn’t work in Canon, one last one is… I think Dap­hne should’ve been way prettier than Bay. Obviously everyone on this show is gor­geous and boys chase after both Daphne and Bay. But… Regina and Angelo should’ve been relatively ave­rage looking people. The Kennish story is that he was an ath­lete and she was a pro cheerleader so I imagine they’d be pr­ettier people geneti­cally and stuff than average. I feel like this would lead to Bay not just having darker hair but also just be less amazi­ngly gorgeous than Vanessa is. In an alt­ernate universe, Bay and Regina would not be played by model level actresses, is all lol, and I think it could be intere­sting, if they strug­gled somehow more on that level? Beyond race of course. I do­n’t know… I probably should just be slee­ping…. lol. Not sure if this headcanon makes any sense.

Probably could write up more but this was plenty already…. lol… I hope you enj­oy my thoughts!!

#i wish i was posting this from my computer and not mobile for prettier formatting #sorry #switched at birth #bay kennish #switched at birth meta

[airadam]

Episode 130 : In The House

"We'll get the drums goin' so you can dance again, don't worry..."

- "Old Man" Ebro

I think it's fair to say that this has been a month like no other, certainly in the UK, where the restrictions on movement that other places in the world were ahead of us on finally came down. These are strange times where we're all trying to get used to new ways of living, but I hope this month's show has some tunes that can lift your mood a little!

As mentioned in the show, Hip-Hop Chip Shop are selling gift vouchers which you can cash in when the restaurant opens back up - and crucially, for every one bought, they'll donate a meal to someone in need!

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Heltah Skeltah : Operation Lock Down

The sampler 12" for the "Nocturnal" LP made its way onto my turntables this month, and this old 90s favourite wormed its way into my head as a possible inclusion for this episode. I umm-ed and ahh-ed but a chat with someone whose opinion I respect convinced me to go with it. Actually referring to Heltah Skeltah and Boot Camp Clik's goal to lock down the industry, it was a big statement of intent for the Ruck (Sean Price) and Rock, two MCs making their entry to the game. The skills are on display without question though, and this track is notable for being a reach outside their camp for production - E-Swift of Tha Alkaholiks is on the boards for the woozy, dreamlike thump. Big tune then, and unexpectedly fitting now.

Abstract Orchestra : Eyes Up

Great version of a solid Slum Village beat. Abstract Orchestra have been touring and recording for a while with their takes on J Dilla material, and along with the current lineup of Slum Village, they've finally released "Fantastic 2020", a version of the classic "Fantastic, Volume 2" with instrumental and vocal tracks. By the way - make sure to buy the two-disc CD version for all the content!

Voodoo Black ft. LayFullStop : In The Mood

Voodoo Black have been getting ratings here since the start - and it was an honour to have Dubbul O, one of the MCs, here as a guest last year - and so it's with great pleasure that we can talk about their debut LP! "Sitting At The Table" will have just been released as you read this, and it's a lean ten-track collection that does Manchester proud. Ellis Meade, Sparkz, and Dubbul O are joined on this particular number by adopted Manchester daughter LayFullStop, who really does set the mood on top of the DJ Cutterz beat. It's always great to see sustained effort come out on top!

Kombo ft. Vinia Mojica : Sands Of Time

I played the wicked B-side to this back on episode 2 (!), then filed the vinyl back on the shelf from where it occasionally made outings - but only as part of the recent effort to digitise my collection has the A-side really got the deep listening it deserved. Ge-ology on the chilled beat perfectly scores Kombo's love rhymes, and Vinia Mojica keeps it subtle with her vocal contribution. 

Little Brother : Altitudes (Flyin' High)

Another great B-side that may have escaped your notice! Back in 2002, Little Brother were making noise on the underground as a promising crew on the rise - one of the first to blow up primarily on the internet - and their single "Whatever You Say" was a mixshow/mixtape staple of the time. Tucked away at the very end of the B-side was this little gem that didn't make the album (but was later heard on "The Chittlin Circuit 1.5"), themed around aviation and featuring classic 9th Wonder production underneath confident rhymes from Phonte and Big Pooh.

Consequence ft. Phife Dawg : No Place Like Home

One of the last tracks Phife ever recorded, this was a great release from last year. These two real-life cousins who both made their different contributions to A Tribe Called Quest over the years come together in an ode to their home of Queens over a smooth beat by Cons and Mike Cash, with Alex Isley on the hook. Yes, that "Isley" does in fact link directly to the famous Isley Brothers - the songwriting and multi-instrumentalist legend Ernie is her father!

Superior Thought : Sky

I was amazed I hadn't played this already - quality sample-heavy beat by a producer and engineer out of London, a 2011 release that feels like it was only out a few weeks ago! Pick this one up on the "S'strumentals" LP along with twenty-three other beats, and all for free!

Clear Soul Forces : Kraken

Always here for some CSF. Ilajide brings the bump as always, and on the mic, all the MCs are representing lovely. This was available on the Fat Beats 25th Anniversary Compilation from last year, but CSF have a brand new LP out which is well worth checking! 

Freddie Gibbs & Madlib ft. Anderson .Paak : Giannis

Anderson does his thing here for sure, but Gibbs is unquestionably the star turn on the mic here. Waka Flocka Flame recently admitted being a "wack rapper" but said "my realness overcame my wackness". Freddie Gibbs has the realness and the skills. This is one of the big tunes from his second LP with Madlib, "Bandana", which is definitely worth your time for a listen. The quick line that gives the track its title ("real Gs move in silence like Giannis") might not be the first time someone has referenced a silent "G" in that way, but then Gibbs builds off it immediately afterwards like the elite MC that he is.

The Cool Kids ft. Louis The Child : Super Smash Bros

Tim Dog's "Fuck Compton" was an angry diss. Pusha T dripped with disgust at Drake's conduct on "The Story of Adidon". This? This is... disdainful. Dismissive. The Cool Kids sound like they're just annoyed they had to take time out of their day to address people who aren't coming up to standard. It's also kind of amusing to me that here's a group I remember as the new young artists - now, several years down the line, they are older heads disappointed about how the new generation of youngsters are doing it! Wicked single, with fellow Illinois natives Louis The Child providing the booming beat. Full marks for the inspired sampling of Ebro's rant for the break after the first verse; if you didn't know (and I didn't at first), you'd think this was recorded specifically for this track!

Stic : Motivated

It is so time for a second album of motivational music by Stic of dead prez! The original "The Workout" was an original and welcome release for those in the know, and hopefully the sequel can gather even more of a following. Here, his dramatic production comes through with "Eye of the Tiger" vibes filtered through a Hip-Hop mentality, with a positive lyrical message of pushing forward to victory! 

DJ Bombjack : From The Depths Of The Soul

Another one that popped up in my vinyl conversion mission, this is a nice instrumental from a UK DJ and producer from the 1999 "The Brothers Grim" EP.

De La Soul : The Future

Supa Dave West made this one thump! This is the opener on "The Grind Date", and the sampled hook points to an mix of optimism about the future and a determination to shape it. The solid two verses speak on the unquestionably strong legacy De La have carved out over the years - and they're not done yet.

Lisa Shaw : I'm Okay

This was a track from the 2009 "Free" album that I overlooked for a long time in favour of some of the others, but have grown to appreciate. Lisa's voice has the kind of cool clarity that points to the influence of Sade, and Dave Warrin keeps the production low-key to give her space to breathe.

Jazzanova : No Use

A personal headphone favourite which somehow hadn't been played on the show yet! Jazzy (as you'd expect), continental, breezy production from the German production collective, with the kind of delicate balancing of elements that so many fail to master. Clara Hill's lead vocals fit in perfectly, making this a really satisfying listen. The "In Between" album is almost twenty years old, but hasn't really aged at all.

Pete Rock ft. Carl McIntosh & Jane Eugene : Take Your Time

If you've never heard Pete Rock's "Soul Survivor" LP, it's a must-own - he takes an imaginative selection of excellent guests and knocks it out of the park with his stellar production. This is a prime example, where he shows his appreciation for talent that wasn't necessarily "current" at the time, bringing in McIntosh and Eugene of the seminal UK group Loose Ends to lend their soulful vibes. The beat is a relaxed head-nodder supreme, and Pete gets it done on the mic too - not breaking your head open with crazy bars, just staying in the pocket, which is what the track needs.

MindsOne & Kev Brown : Manipulated (Instrumental)

Kev Brown really is one of the best when it comes to those basslines. My god. Serious beat from the 2014 "Pillars" EP.

The Notorious B.I.G. : Hypnotize

A huge tune to finish, one which can't fail to put a smile on your face! I first heard this one in a club, likely just before its official release, and the reaction it got was something special. The first single from "Life After Death", and the last Biggie record to be released before his death, this was a perfect combination of elements. Biggie's rhymes had skills for the streets but still appealed to the club and radio, The Hitmen took the Herb Alpert "Rise" sample and gave it new energy, and Total's Pamela Long nailed the infectious, sing-along hook. Fittingly for our current times, that hook is almost exactly twenty seconds long, making it a perfect timer for thorough hand-washing. So fresh, so clean.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[smartphone-science]

Recently more than 150 post-graduate students and young scientists presented an open letter to the Green Party via The Spinoff, encouraging them to reconsider their position on genetic modification. Their target is tackling climate change issues.[1]

Can any party continue to be dismissive about genetic modification (GM) contributing to better agriculture?

We all want safe food, and the environment and climate change are important issues to tackle. New varieties can contribute, including those developed using GM.

All political parties have quietly let the GM legislation slide, not just the Green Party. It is unimpressive no party has moved the temporary legislation on. (Such outstanding timidity! Such an excellence of hand-sitting![2])

It’s an issue politicians avoid, I believe, because the core of opposition to GMOs is about some people’s beliefs, not science, and politicians are reluctant to deal with beliefs.

Among the conceptual points often missed or avoided are:

Treat things based on beliefs or ideals as secular issues are. (‘Each to their own’, not one or the other.)

Understand risk properly. (Seeking perfection is often about avoidance.[3])

Insist on proper use of the ‘precautionary principle’ (It’s too often misused: it’s a temporary hold while waiting for evidence.)

Agricultural issues are generally better mitigated through management plans.

Labels stigmatise. They’re an inherently bad thing to build legislation around.

GM is a big topic. This will only look at a few concepts, and leave examples and the legislation for another time. Some of the ground is familiar from four years ago – recommended reading! The footnotes contain some additional thoughts.

Greens tread water

In response to the ESCA’s letter, the Green Party science and technology spokesperson opted to tread water. The party offers that they (paraphrasing) “follow the science”, but in my experience—across many different issues—is they only seem to “follow” chosen subsets of science that fit an ideology appealing to their members. That’s not how following science works.

My impression is their leaders recognise the GMO issue is divisive amongst their supporters, and they try avoid it or take ‘immobile’ stances as much as possible.

Similarly, my impression is their leaders recognise opposing GM limits the party’s ability to grow. (Of course, if they want to be a fringe player, that’s fine.)

Ultimately the Greens’ position on this issue isn’t centred on science, or the proposed economic risks they also point at, but an ‘organic’ ideal a fraction of their members like.[4] It’s that they ask others to make accomodations for their ideal that’s an issue, not the ideal itself. We all have things like that, but usually we respects others’ wish to think differently.

That’s not about science, but secular governance. In my opinion it’s a core reason why leadership and governance on this issue is not working. The legislation, governance and leadership all conflate these two issues.

The ESCA’s letter is pitched in terms of tackling climate change, a policy the Green Party support. To be consistent with that they need to include the contributions that GM can make.

Those signing the letter have backgrounds in biology or environmental science. Emerging Scientists for Climate Action (ESCA) can be found on Twitter (@EmergingEsca).

Not just the Green Party

Let’s not forget that none of the current political parties have moved this on.

Let’s also not forget avoiding it is making this legislation “temporarily permanent”.[3]

When the NZ Environmental Protection Agency presented options to use during the last tweak to this legislation, the “softest” of them was selected, the one that involved the least effort by cabinet.

That option came with the advice that it was,

“a bare minimum and is not considered a long term solution.”

All the suggested actions were intended to be temporary.[5] It’s now four years later, and no party has moved this to a long(er)-term solution. So this isn’t just about the Green Party.

The recommended long-term suggestion at the time was, “Review the rules on new organisms in the HSNO Act”.

(My own thoughts[6] are that it’d be better to remove the GMO clauses from the Act, use sensible comparison of risks for new organisms, with a focus on management (and remove the ‘magic date’). Individual organisms can still be upheld if called for, but based on identified risks. Identified risks can then be tackled across all new crops (or animals), however they were first developed, and applied where actual need arises not across the board ultimately founded on ideals and branding.)

Political fear

Desires, fears, and ideologies are great tools for politicians to work with. (Or abuse.)

New technologies have for centuries spawned irrational worries and whataboutism. Our past worries look stupid when we look back on them.[7]

To a biologist, the worry-warting about GMOs is often badly misplaced. It’s forgivable and understandable that people worry about things they don’t understand and projects ideals on them, but that doesn’t make it right. In this opposition to GMOs is like opposition to vaccines, 1080, water fluoridation and more.

Today we have a large problem to solve: to keep our way of life on this planet. (The planet will live on, but how we live on it is another matter.) Pre-emptively throwing away useful options is a lousy idea.

Yet that is exactly what the Green Party’s science and technology spokesperson suggested in reply to ESCA’s letter, dismissing GM-based options as hypothetical and future-based,[8]

There are emissions reduction practices available right now without needing hypothetical, future GE-based technologies. We believe regenerative and organic agriculture is a better future for New Zealand and our environment.

All new things are hypothetical and future-based at their onset. If we were to dismiss what is “hypothetical” and “future-based”, we’d very stuck-in-the-mud! (Besides, genetic modification of crops has been around for over 25 years, with a longer backstory.)

Many applications are being held up through politics; these are not so much “future” as an on-going thing that is repeatedly being delayed.

Recently parliament passed the Zero Carbon bill.

A non-partisan part of this initiative is the Climate Change Commission, intended to, “provide expert advice and hold the Government to account”. This commission should be able to recommend efforts that contribute to climate change mitigation that use genetic engineering.

Talk about it

Many people discussing all sorts of issues—vaccines, water fluoridation, etc—act as if only if their issue is presented in terms of science, it’ll have credibility. In my opinion if their position is really founded on a belief, they’re better to just say that.

It’d be better to encourage people to say what really bugs them.

When I’ve had discussions with those opposed to GMOs, they often (usually) boil down to “I have no idea about this science stuff, eh, it just doesn’t feel right”. That’s fine – but that’s not a science issue. And it’s honest and fair and right to say that.

It’s better people had the space to say that from the get-go. If nothing else, it avoids have to “tear down” a facade of “science-y” claims.

It also shifts the focus to education. People hate that word, of course, but it’s what “I have no idea about this science stuff” comes down to. (If it makes you feel like a mug, consider that scientists spend their entire lives learning!)

One recommendation of the Report of the Royal Commission on Genetic Modification, now more than 18 years ago, was (my emphasis added),

it will be important that a single, independent institution undertakes the general auditing of biotechnological applications, and promotes public education about the new technologies

The Royal Society has a useful website for gene editing, one of the newer approaches to genetic engineering.[9] (I’m an independent voice in this, so feel free to ask questions in the comments.)

Ideals and secular governance

In a secular nation differing religious ideals are respected.

You can apply the same approach to anything that’s based on ideals. Individual players are allowed to act according to their ideals provided they don’t harm others or prevent other’s freedom to choose their own path.

Each to their own, and respect others.

Organic farming encourages the idea that natural things are inherently better.[4] Others beg to differ.

The important thing here is you should allow others to have their beliefs. Farmers should be able to pursue what they believe is best for their farm.

If growing crops organically is your thing, please just go ahead. But don’t impose your beliefs on others! It’s not the way to do things. Likewise for those with other ideals about farming. Even if you think organic farming is inefficient and that the produce isn’t really any different, let them be.

There’s no need to be combative about it. In practice there are scenarios for both, even growing GMOs using using organic methods.[10]

The Report of the Royal Commission on Genetic Modification wrote,

The different production systems should not be seen as being in opposition to each other, but rather as contributing in their own ways to the overall benefit of New Zealand.

To not enable this fails secular governance principles. Asking that one way “must” rule over others is imposing an ideal on others.

We could be firmer about this, disallowing organic farming to rule over other approaches. For example, efforts to declare areas “GE Free” through local councils could be considered in breach of secular governance. They block others from living and working to their own choices.

All approaches should be allowed equally, and regulated equally too.

Don’t use that slogan

In 2015 I wrote,

In an interview, Nick Smith referred to references to GMOs as slogans. Indeed a key recommendation by the House of Commons Science and Technology Committee to the British parliament was to stop talking about GM. […]

Essentially the slogans encourage people to not look at the real issues, but carry the emotion-laden arguments attached to the ‘GMO’ slogan.

I’d challenge politicians to avoid the term.

It makes you to talk about real issues, rather than emotional baggage, and to deal with actual risks rather than imaginary ones.

(Labels are a real evil that can brand things in unhealthy ways. It’s a key element of racism, for example. Talk about the things they do, not mark them out as a group arbitrarily in a sweeping way.)

In 2016 I wrote about Green Party GM policy, suggesting:

[…] focus on each application in turn, and the traits of that application. You’ll find this one suggestion covers many of the more detailed suggestions:

Remember that genetic engineering (GE) has applications far wider than just crops, and more than just herbicide-tolerant crops.

If your concern is food safety or environmental issues, talking about ‘GMOs’ is a distraction away from issues (if any). It is the traits of each crop or animal variety that determine if there might be risk, not how the crop or animal was first bred.

If your concern is over transgenic organisms, say ‘transgenic organisms’ not ‘GMOs’.

If your concern relates to business aspects, make sure those concerns are real, related to GMOs and avoid straw-man arguments.

If your concern relates to international trade, give examples of it being an issue (rather than ‘what if’-style claims).

Be aware of misapplied or inappropriate cultural memes, or conflation with separable things.

Aim for discussion, not ‘debate’ or argument.

Let it good things happen

Scientists would like to use newer techniques because they’re more accurate, and open up opportunities to create new and beneficial things. David Eccles described it succinctly,

“My understanding is that the existing legislation permits an untargeted form of genetic modification that has a good chance of failure and/or undesirable consequences (which researchers don’t want to use), while prohibiting targeted methods which produce better/faster results.”

In addition to this there appears to be a general lack of understanding of the wider uses of genetic modification (i.e. not just amongst the Green Party).

The relationship of applications to climate change efforts might not be immediately obvious. As just one example, the mustard plants in the feature image were developed to help Indian farmers to be less reliant on importing edible plant oils. Transporting the imported oils contributes to climate change emissions (ships are polluters). While originally developed for economic reasons, there is a climate change related contribution. It might be a modest contribution in the big scheme of things, but can we ignore these opportunities?

There are applications well outside of food. These also can relate to climate change, too. Here’s just two areas:

Climate change alters medical demands.[11] The current long slow process to develop medicines will struggle in the face a fast-changing demands, and the likely the rise of new illnesses.

Biosynthesis offers the hope we can make rather than take from the planet.

These may need to be grown at scale to be beneficial (or to yield sufficient return investors will back them). Our legislation disallows growth at scale, locking us out of these and other non-food markets.

Biosynthesis: make, not take

Before closing out let’s add a shout-out for biosynthesis.

I’m very surprised political parties, especially the Green Party, are not right behind this.

‘Make not take’ is a great target. (Surely it’s an easy sell?)

A core long-term problem with us humans is that we keep taking things from the planet that take geological time to form, and expect no consequences. We need to get to making (synthesising) things from to stuff that’s made on a shorter, renewable cycle than geological time scales (steel, oil, etc).

The broad idea is to make the things we need using what micro-organisms or plants need to grow. You can think of it as a mix of basic biology (how to grow stuff), genetics, chemistry and the power of enzymes. Enzymes catalyse chemical reactions that would be otherwise hard to achieve.

We have a scientific workforce suitable to tackling this. One thing in the way—aside from that ever-present issue of funding!—is “that” law. To biosynthetise we need to make modified organisms and grow them in a large enough scale to get useful yields. Who wants to invest if they know they can’t get to the production stage?

Biofuels, bioplastics and more

We had a NZ company focused on part of this market – LanzaTech. They left NZ a few years ago. They’re diplomatic about why they left—good on them—but you’ve got to guess in the mix of many things will be NZ’s GMO legislation. They’re getting to be a big company now. Their blurb on Twitter reads, “LanzaTech recycles carbon emissions to make fuels and chemicals, improving air quality and promoting a circular economy.” One of their products using bacteria to turn industrial emissions into fuel recently featured on CNN.

Beyond biofuels there are many other examples. One we’ll be needing are new vaccines as diseases shift with the climate. GM plants can grow antigens for vaccines; Australia is already on to this.

We can move on biosynthesis quicker than many might think. It’d need more progressive legislation, and substantial government funding for research labs, etc. (companies are generally wary of investing in the early stage explorative work, financially it’s risky for most of them).

Some bioplastics examples are discussed in Bioplastics—a major opportunity for New Zealand. Not all bioplastics use GM, but it’s an area GM can be applied. These include compostable coffee cups, vineyard nets clips that biodegrade where they fall, and polyhydroxyalkanoate (PHA) alternatives to fossil fuel-derived plastics.[12] As Elspeth MacRae wrote,

I think New Zealand has a real opportunity here. We could manufacture PHA here and be able to control the whole lifetime of the plastic. Given this plastic’s biodegradable credentials, I think it fits well with the country’s ‘clean, green’ export image. We just need investment and backing to make it happen.

These things fit our mission, too. We just have to get obstructions out of the way, get the financial support, and get onto them.

Be leaders

There’s a need to lead rather than just acquiesce.

As David Slack concluded in a recent opinion piece, “Telling people what they want to hear is one thing. Telling them what they need to hear is an altogether bigger job.”[12]

The Green Party’s science and technology spokesperson says they’re (paraphrasing) “listening to our members”, but you’re serving them badly if you leave them stuck in the mud.

This could be said of all political parties (and all leaders, in any job).

Imagine if they’d done the same for vaccines?

Smaller parties like the NZ Green Party may have a survival problem related to this.

I see frequent remarks like “I support the Green Party and environmental issues, but I don’t like their GMO policy, and I’m not sure if I should continue to support them”.

If smaller parties do not accomodate GM these people they’ll eventually find a party that better balances their interests in environmental issues, and their recognition of what good new crop varieties can bring.

While writing this piece, the Sustainable NZ Party was announced. They support environmental issues, including using “gene technologies”,

“The latest techniques can be likened to accelerated selective breeding. They show huge promise in the control of introduced predators and in reducing livestock emissions.”

He said gene technology was still in its infancy “yet these powerful tools are denied us based on an ideological position formed in the 1970s, before current technologies were developed.

(Genetic engineering as a whole has been around decades. Some gene editing techniques are new, but they’re seen as better than older approaches.)

Can any party continue to be dismissive about genetic modification?

Other articles in Code for life

If you’re looking for writing about something other than GMOs, try my previous post, my 1000th. It’s got lists with lots of things you could read!

Regulating GMOs: time to move forward An attempt at a condensed list of things you might think about GMOs.

Kumara are transgenic (Transgenes occur in nature too.)

Genetic modification now accepted by most New Zealanders (A survey indicates New Zealanders now accept GM food as safe.)

GMOs and the plants we eat: neither are “natural” (An essay on food.)

Green Party GM policy and discussion about GE or GMOs (The Green Party should revise their stance on GM.)

In a demon-haunted world (Not about GM, but unfortunately relevant. A tribute to Sagan, sorely needed in these times.)

Is GM corn really different to non-GM corn? (Reporting other’s objections to one controversy.)

Séralini GMO maize and Roundup study republished with no scientific peer review (One of the ‘unorthodox’ researchers opposing GMOs re-publishes a retracted paper with no fresh peer-review.)

Christmas trees weedy and not (The proposed project that the court case shut down – despite EPA approval, and that it didn’t involve introducing new genes. Wilding pines are a curse in New Zealand.)

Carrots for my neighbour (A short story of sorts.)

New Zealand political spokesperson for GE and more endorses homeopathy for Ebola (What can we say. Some people are… interesting. He re-asserted this claim in his valedictory speech.)

Changing the GMO regulations – the ministry options (The options that set the current legislation.)

Gene editing and GMOs in NZ, part one (A short series; parts two and three are linked at the start.)

GMOs and legislation: useful suggestions for New Zealand in British report (A summary of a large UK report. Not a short read!)

The House of Commons Science and Technology Committee on GMO legislation (Lighter take on the previous article.)

Footnotes

1. There are many earlier calls for the regulations to be updated. The ISAAA reported in August that, New Zealand Scientific Body Pushes for GE Regulation Update; the Royal Society. In May, UC [University of Canterbury] Professor Emerita Emphasizes on Gene Editing to Achieve Sustainability Needs. And so on. I’ve written a few of my own (some are listed in the previous section, Other articles in Code for life).

2. This is plainly unfair (and I mean that sincerely). Many politicians work hard, for long hours. But we have to some fun, no? And there is certainly an element of truth: these regulations were advised to be temporary, and have not been moved on.

3. This also occurs in denial as mentioned in The thinking error at the root of science denial.

4. The idea or belief that “natural is better” is one that the ‘organic’ industry encourages. It dates back to an earlier time, at least to that of the so-called ‘Green revolution’. My reading suggests the ‘natural’ ideation leverages or is, in the end, a corruption of what I think of as ‘quasi-religious’ ideals from Western culture with roots in some religious morals about modifying life, revamped to something appealing to hippy-style thinking. In truth, nothing we grow to eat (or how we grow them) are “natural”. Everything we do changes life, including to us humans. (re Western culture: I increasingly believe Western lobbies or scientists ought not advise non-Western cultures how to act (advising the results of studies is different matter).)

There are arguments that GMOs grown using organic processes be regarded as organic plants (e.g. Time to Redefine Organic Agriculture: Can’t GM Crops Be Certified as Organics?) Beyond being philosophically interesting, these arguments perhaps show how arbitrary this all is. Just let farmers grow what they think is best for them, managed with sensible plans.

5. I’m not a lawyer but I’ve often wondered if this points at temporary rulings needing explicit “drop-dead” dates to ensure they aren’t “forgotten”, or dragged out at to suit political interests.

6. I have some ideas for legislation that might work for all parties; more on this one day, I hope. You have to accommodate different world views at some point, and offer ways of dealing with this. I think there are ways to tackle this, that even if a little slower than ideal, will at least let things move things forward.

7. I’d like to have pointed at examples from blood transfusions and breeding experiments in monasteries. They’re helpful to thinking how we might move forward, but Google hasn’t been kind to me. Maybe another time.

8. The reference to “future-based” looks similar to the “too-late-ism” that Michael Mann recently referred to (see penultimate paragraph).

9. I’d like to have been involved if I’d had opportunity, but the call-outs for these sorts of things seem to only travel in academic circles.

10. I’m not advocating this, just saying it could be done if that’s your thing. Also, as well as growing GMOs organically, there’s using both organic and GMO products by the same company, for example as Kellogg does.

11. This applies to the Pacific region, too, for example in this lecture.

12. Hat tip to Nicola Gaston for sharing the quote on Twitter. Ironically, in David’s piece, although the direct reference is to cycling campaigner Barb Cuthbert, the Green Party’s James Shaw is implied with leadership in this way too. On GMO issue it’s his party that is not leading on this issue, but pandering to “what they want to hear” in the guise of “listening to our members”. (Bear in mind we haven’t seen active movement from other parties.)

13. Other GM applications can be tailored to NZ’s circumstances and market. One of the opportunities of GM techniques is that it enables smaller players to develop products.

Featured image

“Mustards are several plant species in the genera Brassica and Sinapis whose small mustard seeds are used as a spice and, by grinding and mixing them with water, vinegar or other liquids, are turned into a condiment also known as mustard.”

Source: Wikimedia. Artist: Amit Kaushal. Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic.

via Science Blogs

#IFTTT #Science Blogs

[nahoo883]

VC Lior Susan has a big idea that seems to be working: building next-generation industrial companies

Many investors in Silicon Valley are waiting the next big platform. That’s fine with Lior Susan, a former Flex exec who in 2015 cofounded Eclipse Ventures with the legendary venture capitalist Pierre Lamond, long of Sequoia Capital.

The duo, along with a team that has now grown to 13 people — happen to think the Next Big Thing is not whatever comes after social networks and flying cars; they think the biggest opportunities that too few VCs recognize is the chance to augment or else build from scratch the next Honeywell or GE Johnson & Johnson through full tech stacks that enable speed and efficiencies that are hard for incumbents to rival. 

As Susan likes to note, pointing to the runaway success of companies like Apple and Amazon that do it all, “Software is not enough.” He’s also quick to point out that the average tenure of the biggest U.S. companies — those on the S&P 500 — was 33 years back in 1965 and soon, it’s expected to shrink to 14 years.

Certainly, Eclipse is putting its money where its mouth is. It has already helped to create and fund one company — Bright Machines — which primarily develops software for robotic systems that manufacturing companies already have in place, and that Eclipse enticed numerous Autodesk executives to lead.

Now Eclipse, which also makes early-stage bets on startups, is working on creating another company. And Susan suggests that more companies will follow.

It’s an ambitious strategy. But because investors seemingly approve — committing $500 million to Eclipse’s third fund earlier this year (up from its second, $185 million fund) — we sat down with Susan recently to learn more about both who he is and what Eclipse is trying to do. Our chat has been edited lightly for length.

TC: You grew up in Israel on a kibbutz. How do you think that shaped you?

LS: I grew up in a family of four — three boys and a girl. I grew up on the north part of the country, on farmland, growing bananas. My grandfather was one of the early establishers of the [Israel Defense Forces] so I thought i was going to be a soldier all my life. I didn’t think I needed to go to high school. And I joined the military in 2000 and was in the special forces until 2008.

After that, my brother and I started a networking company, Intucecell. He was always more of a brain than me, to be honest, but from an early age, I was very curious about mechanical systems, and he was always curious about software, and we started Intucell in 2008, raised $5 million from Bessemer [Venture Partners] in 2009, and we sold the company to Cisco in 2012 for $475 million.

It’s funny, because we grew up in this community where no one has a bank account, it’s all about sharing. Maybe because we were raised in a very socialism pathway environment, we became the other extreme as adults.

TC: How did you wind up in Silicon Valley?

LS: They didn’t need me [at Cisco] because he was the brains, so I thought I’d come to Silicon Valley for three months and I wound up randomly meeting Mike McNamara, who at the time was the CEO of Flextronics. I had a little man crush [right away]. I was like, damn, I can learn a lot from this guy. He told me [Flex, as the company has been rebranded] needed someone to build a special operations tech team inside of the Flex. I was thinking I might go kite surfing in Brazil. Working in an American corporation didn’t sound like the right thing to me. But we liked each other and so I [joined the company].

TC: What was that like? What were you focused on?

LS: For the first 10 months, I actually moved to Zhuhai, China, where one of the main facilities of Flex was [situated], and there I saw firsthand high manufacturing at scale. And the interesting thing, what got me thinking about [the path that led to Eclipse] is that Flex had 12 segments: aerospace, automotive, consumer, yadda yadda. And each of them will do more than a billion dollars [a year in revenue]. And I would see them talking about how their industries are changing because of software. I mean, the language was identical across these very different markets. And I started to understand that three or four decades of technology innovation were coming together to create what we now call full stack, so networking and clouds for infrastructure and open source and DevOps tools and open source hardware and supply chain and manufacturing — they were coming together. 

I thought, if those [big] companies could use those tools, could small companies use those tools and essentially accelerate and go faster? So I started building those companies inside Flex, inside this division. And surprisingly enough, I saw it was doable, that the cost of capital is going down and you actually can move much faster.

TC: What were some of those companies?

LS: One is Elementum, a supply chain management company that has now raised close to $200 million. Another is Bright Machines, which is actually in our [Eclipse] portfolio now. We had six companies when I left.

TC: Were these funded solely by Flex at the outset?

LS: Flex was 100 percent funding the companies at the beginning — and giving them resources and connections and customers — and we’d either spin out the company and get outside capital, or just keep it internal.

TC: Why leave that role to start a venture firm?

LS: I was living in Palo Alto and started having investor friends and was making some angel investments, and I saw most of my friends just looking for the next dating apps. I was like, ‘What about supply chain stuff?’ but they wanted easy stuff that explodes very fast.

So between seeing what I did at Flex and realizing that few investors were interested in this opportunity, I decided to do something. My original idea was to take $10 million of our own [family] money and be a kind of super angel. But when I told Mike [McNamara], ‘I’m going to leave’ and ‘Thank you very much, I learned a lot,’ he said, ‘Hey, do a fund.’ And we launched and started investing and we saw the size of the market that we had in mind was growing fast. [Editor’s note: After spending 12 years as CEO of Flex, McNamara joined Eclipse four months ago as a partner, along with Sanjay Jha, who was most recently the CEO of Global Foundries and was both CEO and co-CEO of Motorola Mobility before that.]

TC: You have an interesting team. Among others, you have McNamara and Jha. You also last year brought aboard Greg Reichow, who was previously Tesla’s VP of production. These are not necessarily the usual suspects when it comes to people joining VC. Does Eclipse operate like a traditional venture firm?

LS: Our style of investment is slightly different than other people; we maybe look more like private equity than venture, including that we’re very involved; we do nine to 10 deals a year with eight partners. We also aim for a much higher ownership than firms usually have and our heavy operational backgrounds is our tool to win those deals. We have some idea of what a complex operation looks like, even while we’re investing in industries to which we didn’t have exposure before, like health care and real estate — places where we didn’t expect to invest but that are being impacted by the same paradigm shift.

TC: How did the Bright Machines deal work? The startup started as an internal project at Flex, so do you co-own it with the company?

LS: It started internally at Flex. There were 400 poeple working on it internally, and I went to [Flex management and its board] and I said, ‘I want the team.’ Flex said, ‘Absolutely no.’ But I went back with a better argument why they should, including that they needed to hire talent that wasn’t going to come to work for Flex, and that the company could be worth $5 billion, $7 billion some day. And after 12 months, we carved out the company, with its [intellectual property] and the $350 million in contracts it had, and we created a new company, and we own 20 percent, Flex owns 28 percent, and the team owns the rest. And it’s on a $100 million annual revenue run rate already in less than a year as an independent company.

TC: What do you see happening with Bright Machines?

LS: it will go public, I’d guess in sub five years. The model is pretty compelling if you’re doing it right.

TC: How does the deal underscore your broader thesis?

LS: Think of it this way. It’s really hard for me to compete with LinkedIn, LinkedIn has very smart people. For me to compete with Honeywell or Dupont or Rockwell . . . I’m not saying they aren’t smart, but they have a different mindset. There are many companies that Silicon Valley has never heard of but are $17 billion market cap companies with little to no technology. So if we now have the talent internally, we can use the talent to create these platform companies. In fact, we’re building our second one, though I can’t share more just yet.

TC: So Eclipse is an investment firm and an incubator.

LS: We debating this name constantly, but we aren’t an incubator.

My two cents is that public equities are getting destroyed, so limited partners want to go into private markets. Some of the hedge funds like Coatue understand this, and they’ve created vehicles to [invest in private companies]. But in the private equity world, a fund that manages $400 billion and used to buy assets with financial engineering [meaning debt] is [not wringing the same kind of returns out of these bets]. If you’re buying Avis, you’re going to lose your shit because people are using Uber.

What’s happening for the first time in the last two decades is that someone made the music to start, so there’s musical chairs where there were none empty before. It was always the same five or six firms winning the best deals, and that was about it. Someone like us had no chance to grab a chair — no freakin’ chance. But public equity dollars started showing up SoftBank style, and now they are reacting. And you learn that when you react in the military, you jeopardize the house. You go outside of your discipline, and you go outside of your comfort zone, and I’m attacking the chair. I wonder if I can sit.

from TechCrunch https://techcrunch.com/2019/06/17/vc-lior-susan-has-a-big-idea-that-seems-to-be-working-building-next-generation-industrial-companies/ via IFTTT from Blogger http://www.topnews99.club/2019/06/vc-lior-susan-has-big-idea-that-seems.html via IFTTT

#IFTTT #Blogger

[goadapter-blog]

HP Omen 15 2018 Review

HP is prominent for its collection of enterprise computers. HP tends to make almost everything from portable notebooks like the Envy thirteen to effective cellular workstations just like the ZBook collection, nonetheless, a further kind of notebooks have gained reputation lately. We're speaking concerning the Omen gaming sequence which has been established over the final few many years like a reliable gaming resolution.Right now we are going to check out the latest iteration of your collection - the HP Omen 15 2018. Equipped with all the new eighth gen Intel processors and up to a GTX 1070 Max-Q, the Omen fifteen Batteria HP fifteen G208AX pumps some serious horsepower. Perhaps the 144Hz show can established it aside from the competitors or possibly it will win our hearts with its performance. Let's find out.

Design

Although meaner and leaner, this year's HP Omen fifteen doesn't actually buck the development nor break away from the blueprint of last year's model. Positive, the bezels are thinner. And the new HP Omen fifteen does utilises Nvidia's Max Q graphics caricabatterie hp 72109 001 configuration to some impact.Straight held against its predecessor, it offers greater thermal-dynamics along with a smaller sized physical footprint. Nonetheless, when compared with the remainder of your Max-Q group, it does nevertheless arrive off just a little cumbersome and heavy. The entire thing can be a small much more restrained relative to the other neon-lit-death-machines competing for focus inside the space. Nonetheless, both beneath and outside the hood, the Omen 15 feels drearily iterative. It really is greater, but this superiority doesn't feel borne of particular ambition. It really is just by-the-numbers.And it is telling that even the pain-points within this year's HP Omen 15 feel slightly recycled. The trackpad is iffy in its responsiveness and also the mushy keyboard isn't a lot greater. The HP Omen comes with 26-key rollover caricabatterie asus f554la and lights customizability, but it really is subject to a bunch of limits that most of its competition has transcended in recent years. Certain - if you're not an RGB lights particular person, that's definitely not likely to be as a lot of a large offer. All the exact same, it's possibly improved to possess a gaming laptop computer with these abilities than one particular with out them.

The keyboard turned out to be extremely respectable. Additionally to the single-stage multi-color backlight we had been particularly fond with the new color for that labels, which experienced a enormous effect on legibility. Typing was respectable and can likely satisfy most customers. Never expect top-class overall performance regarding accentuation point or suggestions, although.Regardless of the general fairly narrow situation HP has managed to fit a numpad next towards the regular-sized chiclet-style keyboard. Having said that, the layout was a little of a problem because it deviated significantly in the default German keyboard layout. Have a look at for example the single-row Return important, the relocated crucial, or the lacking right CTRL essential. Basically, HP took the frequent US QWERTY layout and just remapped some keys in place of adjusting the layout accordingly. US shoppers caricabatterie hp dv6 will come across a frequent QWERTY keyboard layout with teeny-tiny cursor keys which might be practically impossible to make use of for gaming.The silver-framed and slightly recessed touchpad was inconspicuous by and substantial. To put it differently: It was neither especially superior nor especially undesirable. That not only utilized to precision but also to smoothness. Gestures usually worked very well, despite the fact that we noticed a minor enter lag when executing them.At 10.two x five.7 cm (four x two.two inches) the touchpad was sufficiently sized for a 15-inch notebook. As opposed to a lot of other producers HP has opted towards a ClickPad and for 2 dedicated mouse buttons beneath the touch area, which improved overall precision noticeably.The Omen 15 employs a fifteen.6" diagonal higher definition display caricabatterie acer e5 with 1080p resolution and WLED backlighting. In addition, it has a higher 144Hz refresh price which makes it an ideal selection for gaming.Overall I identified the display on this laptop computer to become very exceptional. It includes a extremely slender bezel which provides towards the aesthetic charm when gaming or viewing online video. Additionally, it has a broad viewing angle as well as small reflective glare. In most environments I had been able to take pleasure in the fantastic visual quality of the show with no worrying about interference from external lights.

Performance

This Omen deploys Nvidia GTX 1060 graphics. It is a tweaked version from the mobile model of the chip using a greater clock speed, and it really is got 6GB of memory. The GTX 1060 returned framerates of 85fps and 67fps in Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor and Increase of the Tomb Raider, with each video games running at 1080p and their greatest high-quality ranges.That's speedy adequate to play any of today's top titles devoid of dialling down the graphics. It is also adequate speed to handle every single esports video game, but remember that the 144Hz G-Sync tech Caricabatterie Dell 1536 is not working using an unstoppable chip. If you want to get full advantage you'll occasionally must tone down the high quality, and this really is an issue that will only be exacerbated as future releases turn into a lot more demanding.The graphics core is paired with the Intel Core i7-8750H processor. It's a monster cellular chip, with Intel's most up-to-date Espresso Lake architecture and 6 cores. It runs at two.2GHz with a enormous Turbo peak of four.1GHz. Its single-core Geekbench outcome of four,668 is not noticeably various from top desktop chips, and its multi-core outcome of seventeen,011 isn't much behind eight-core desktop behemoths. Inside the actual globe, the CPU Caricabatterie Lenovo X240 will under no circumstances lead to gaming bottlenecks. It'll deal with every single day-to-day process, general-purpose multi-tasking, as well as the vast majority of hard-nosed productiveness applications.The Samsung SSD is solid, having a good read speed of 3,079MB/s and also a middling write pace of 1,217MB/s. My only component qualm may be the memory: whilst 8GB of DDR4 is enough, the Omen has it in single-channel mode - an odd selection that may hinder performance. The HP's thermal functionality isn't the most effective, both. In the course of a gaming check it produced obvious admirer sound Caricabatterie np350v5c and its CPU and GPU temperatures pretty much hit 80°and this barrier was smashed in a full-system stress-test. The sounds was louder right here, as well, plus the keyboard was as well scorching in both tests.

The HP isn't the loudest or hottest laptop, but you are going to certainly notice those followers except if you're sporting a headset. If you are concerned about warmth or sound, other machines are quieter. Battery life isn't specifically superior, either. Within an application check the HP lasted for 2 and a fifty percent hours, nevertheless it could only handle 90 minutes when pushed in hard video games. If you're itching for any lengthy gaming session, make sure you happen to be plugged in.Quite a few other specs are out there if this specific Omen model doesn't consider your extravagant. A system with GTX 1070 graphics Caricabatterie VPCEB1J1E costs €1,499 and will do a greater task of maxing out the G-Sync screen. If you would like to go the other way, then the €1,099 model drops G-Sync, halves the SSD and deploys a weaker GTX 1060. A €999 product keeps the Core i7 chip and 144Hz display but uses a GTX 1050 Ti graphics main, although the entry-level €799 notebook has the GTX 1050 GPU and also a Core i5 CPU together with the 144Hz display. TThey're undeniably odd specifications. These equipment would still be great with a Core i5 processor, and deploying those less costly chips would free up a lot more budget for beefier graphics chips that will make improved use of the 144Hz panel.One of the most significant tests for any gaming laptop computer is its cooling system. The needs for high resolution Pc gaming Caricabatterie Toshiba L500D normally tax the GPU drastically, causing extra heat. Persistent overheating can have an effect on overall performance and wear down elements more than time.The HP Omen 15 has two cooling supporters that vent primarily through the underside, but additionally through the back of the notebook. They typically do a very good career of keeping the machine amazing, especially when permitting the underside openings space to breathe.My longest constant play session together with the Omen fifteen was around three hours. In the course of this time I played the team-based shooter Overwatch Batteria Yoga 500 on high options. Inside the course of the session the notebook managed to stay within affordable temperatures (about 60-65 levels F), but a rise in heat emanating in the area on the GPU was nonetheless obvious.Overall I'd state that the Omen 15 does a good career of keeping neat. However I would nonetheless advise further actions for example a cooling pad if probable for extended marathon gaming periods.

Battery

In phrases of battery, the HP Omen fifteen comes with a 4-cell 70Whr battery that lasts decently extended sufficient. In ideal battery daily life manner together with the brightness established to 50%, the Omen fifteen lasted me an easy 3 hrs which is pretty respectable by gaming notebook standards. In the course of that time I applied the notebook as my typical operate notebook which indicates writing some posts, obtaining around 15-20 tabs open up of Firefox Quantum at any provided time, and Adobe Photoshop CC running alongside for that showcased photos and stuff... as well as a YouTube tab Batteria GE62 6QD161 playing songs within the background.In greatest efficiency mode the battery lasts to get a considerably less quantity of time, that is anticipated, but nonetheless beneath the same workload I used to be able to thrust the laptop to about two hours of utilization ahead of plugging it.I consider it's a quite decent battery. Certainly, it doesn't final even near to what you would get from ultrabooks, but that's because this isn't an ultrabook. This is a gaming laptop having a GTX 1070 within it, and three hours of battery is really a quite decent quantity to have with that. Also, as a gamer, you would not be utilizing it with no plugging it in so it truly won't make a lot of the distinction.Charging up the laptop computer requires considerable time, with it taking about 2 hrs (give or consider) to acquire from 10% to a 100% cost when plugged in and not in use. That is really a great deal, but taking into consideration that it has a significantly bigger 70Whr battery, I'd say it really is all right.General, the battery efficiency from the Omen fifteen is fairly satisfactory, and a lot like practically every little thing else about the laptop computer, I do not have something bad to state about it.Regrettably gaming laptops Batteria NP350E4C A02 often endure from their heightened power needs in the form of lesser battery existence. The HP Omen fifteen is no exception.Outside of gaming, I had been capable to get about 3.5 hours of battery daily life. This integrated just casual actions for instance searching the world wide web and streaming some movie content material. I will also note this was having a factory default environment of about 2/3 complete brightness around the display.

While gaming, this statistic went down considerably. I was only capable to squeeze about 90 minutes of constant video game outing from the battery prior to I ran from juice.The Omen 15 can manage intermittent bursts of gaming action around the go. For a lot of, a single hour to an hour or so and also a 50 % is really a decent quantity of time to sneak within a few rounds in their favourite game. Having said that, in most situations players will choose to ensure that they've a energy supply available to help keep the notebook charged up throughout play.If you're a gamer, then you probably count on - and possibly even favor - your transportable gaming rig to come back outfitted using a Complete Hd (one,920 x one,080) show. HP will accommodate you just good, but if you'd like a 4K UHD show for watching the occasional Netflix movie on your Omen fifteen, then the company is pleased to oblige. Our critique device arrived with 4K, and we experienced higher hopes of some real show qualityAs it turns out, our anticipations were mostly fulfilled. The 4K panel Batteria SVF15A1S2RS that HP chosen for that Omen 15 is about par for your course, with typical contrast at 740:one, a somewhat below-average but perfectly acceptable AdobeRGB color gamut, and typical color accuracy for your course. Brightness can also be completely wonderful at 315 nits.They are excellent scores in comparison to notebook displays just some many years in the past, and they are certainly terrific final results to get a gaming notebook, particularly 1 that is offered under $2,000.Toss in the truth that our review Omen fifteen comes using a 4K UHD show, and also you possess a device that not only appears fantastic when enjoying games, but is also fairly pleasurable for productivity work and for viewing video. Benchmark benefits apart, the visible experience remaining us with nothing at all to complain about.

Sensibly, most of the HP Omen 15's ports have also been relocated towards the again on the chassis, assisting to maintain your cables good and tidy on your desk should you find yourself connecting it to an exterior show or Ethernet cable. You will nevertheless find two USB3 Batteria Toshiba L850-1DQ ports on the aspect, along with individual headphone and microphone jacks, however the relaxation are all squeezed in in between its rear vents. These include a full-sized HDMI port, mini DisplayPort, a third USB3 port along with a USB Type-C port, in addition your Gigabit Ethernet.All in all, I'm very substantially seeking ahead to putting the Omen 15 through its paces when it at some point rocks up in the subsequent couple of months. Let's just hope its screen isn't as diabolical as almost each and every other gaming notebook I have examined not too long ago, and that its tempting Activity Stream tech is as superior because it sounds.

[ramialkarmi]

17 ridiculous 'smart' gadgets that really exist

Every day, there's a new connected home gadget claiming to make life easier.

Some of these gadgets are easy sources of skepticism, but others can be worth buying. The Amazon Echo has genuine, if simple, uses. Roombas, smart lights, and WeMo switches have their virtues as well.

With some other products, it’s harder to see the mass appeal.

The past few years have brought a wave of self-proclaimed smart devices that take the “things” part of “Internet of Things” very seriously. Sometimes, these go past the point of utility and into the land of cynicism. They're often overpriced. And few companies ever seem to care about keeping them secure. (Sometimes, to disastrous effect.)

To illustrate just how far the tech world is willing to go to make anything and everything connected, let’s look at a few of the more out-there smart gadgets we've seen recently: 

SEE ALSO: 9 gadgets I saw at the biggest tech show of the year that you might actually want

Quirky Egg Minder

The Quirky Egg Minder solves a question as old as time itself: “Why can’t I connect my egg tray to the internet?”

Made in partnership with GE, this thing syncs with your smartphone and sends you push notifications when you’re on the verge of being eggless. LED lights on the tray itself tell you which of its 14 eggs nearing their expiration date.

It’s only $13 on Amazon at the moment, which isn’t so bad compared to some of the other gadgets here, though its user reviews have been pretty brutal thus far.

Hidrate Spark

The Hidrate Spark is one of a few “smart water bottles” that’ve popped up in recent years, most of which do the same thing: pair with a companion app over Bluetooth, then walk you through staying properly hydrated.

To be fair, the 24-ounce Spark does look nice, and the fact that it glows when you hit your thirst-quenching goals is cute. But paying $55 to be reminded to drink water might be a bit much, especially when you can already log this stuff with one of several free fitness apps.

Brita Infinity WiFi Connected Pitcher

Tech companies are all in on this water thing, apparently. The $45 Brita Infinity bills itself as “the future of hydration” — it works like any other Brita you’ve seen, only it can sense when its current purification filter has outlived its usefulness.

When it does, it’ll automatically order a new $6 filter from Amazon. (Brita teamed with Amazon’s Dash Replenishment Service for this one, if that wasn’t clear.)

As a neglectful Brita owner, I could see this being somewhat useful. It’s certainly good business for Amazon, too. Still, it’s hard not to find the idea of automated commerce being particularly, let’s say, thirsty.

See the rest of the story at Business Insider

#Tech Insider #Arab #Entrepreneurship #sillicon alley insider