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jengis-morrangis · 5 years

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Baby Fever

So here’s another fic. I don’t really know where I was going with this. Any feedback is always welcome and my ask box is open.

For some problems, Dipper could usually trace them back to a single event and find out what caused them. It may not be so direct all the time, rather more of a small snowball rolling down a hill, collecting more snow as it goes along until it forms a massive snowball.

This time, however, Dipper remembers exactly what caused the problem.

They were fourteen. Mabel was out with their mother getting a checkup while Dipper stayed at home reading a book on the couch. The door burst open and Mabel came running in the house and bolted upstairs with tears in her eyes, avoiding looking at Dipper. He put down his book and got up to follow. Something was wrong. As he approached the bottom of the staircase, his mother walked in and motioned for him to stop. He could tell by the look on her face that she was stressed.

“Hold on there, Dipper.” She said. “I think it’s best we let Mabel have some time to herself for now.”

“Why? What happened?” Dipper asked concerned. Ms. Pines didn’t answer right away. Instead, she sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to her. Dipper sat down and she reached out and took his hands. She wasn’t making eye contact, and the longer she didn’t speak made Dipper’s worry grow more and more.

“During the checkup this morning,” She said with a voice so small and that tugged on Dipper’s heart. “The doctor found out that Mabel can’t have babies. She’s devastated and I think it’s best we give her some time alone.” Dipper couldn’t believe what she was saying. Mabel loved babies. If anyone deserves a baby it should be her.

He waited on the stairs for about forty-five minutes, give or take a few. His mind was everywhere at once. This was such a surreal situation. He had no idea what to say, he just knew he had to be with her right now. Be by her side. He could hear her crying from her room, and every instinct in his mind told him to go to her, but he forced himself to wait.

When he no longer heard her crying, he quietly walked up the stairs and stood at her door. He took a breath before gently rapping on her door and announcing himself. “Hey Mabel. It’s me. I’m coming in, alright?”

He slowly opened the door and saw Mabel on her bed wrapped in her sweater. He quietly tiptoed across her room and sat on the edge of her bed. He looked down at Mabel silently sobbing in her sweater. He gently laid his hand on her arm. She shifted slightly and her hand popped out of the hem of her sweater in search of his. He held it tight as she took a deep, shuddering breath.

She peaked out from the neck of her sweater and Dipper’s heart nearly snapped in two. She had a look of sadness like none other he had ever seen in her. Her eyes were filled with tears. He knew immediately that her despair was immeasurable. She was heartbroken.

He wanted nothing more than to fix this. He would do anything. But even though he didn’t want to accept it, he knew this couldn’t be fixed.

===

As time went on, Mabel began to recover, but he knew she would never be able to fully move on from it. She was different. Ever so slightly. Most people wouldn’t even notice, but Dipper did.

There were a few times when he noticed her behaving differently. Sometimes when they walk through a park or down the sidewalk, he caught her staring at a mother and her child with a look that can only be described as envy and longing. He thought that someday she may be able to overcome it and fill the void, he hoped so.

Years passed, and one day in the middle of their junior year of high school their parents sat them down to talk. They sat across from each other at the dinner table, with the twins on one side and them on the other. The twins could tell it was something serious by the way their parents were acting. They didn’t usually have ‘family meetings’ unless it was something important.

“Kids,” Their mother said with a voice of excitement. She looked at her husband with a look of anticipation that he returned as they squeezed their hands tighter together. “Your father and I are excited to say that soon you two are gonna be older siblings!” She said excitedly.

“What do you mean?” Dipper asked cautiously. She wasn’t saying what he thought she was, was she? Ms. Pines gave another excited breath.

“We’re having another baby!” She announced merrily.

Dipper’s eyes shot open, he gasped and started coughing uncontrollably as he choked on his own spit. He was excited about the news, as he rightfully should be. But he couldn’t shake the worry of what this might mean for Mabel. His parents could see the look of anxiety on his face.

“Easy there, Dip.” Said Mr. Pines. “There’s no need to freak out over this. We’ve raised both of you, so one more baby won’t be too different. Just think about it; soon you two are gonna be older siblings! How cool is that?” Mabel was bouncing up and down in her seat in excitement, shaking Dipper by the arm.

“Oh my gosh, Dip! I’m gonna be a big sis!” She squealed.

“Alright, settle down now.” Their mother said with a grin. “We expect you guys to help out with things. Having you two was a lot of work, and this baby is gonna require a lot of care, so we need you two to pitch in.”

”Oh my gawd! I gotta tell Wendy and Grenda and Candy and ahhh I can't believe it!” Mabel squealed excitedly before running off, screaming in delight. Once she had disappeared up the stairs, Dipper turned back to his parents. The news was delightful, but he couldn’t help his worrying for Mabel’s sake.

“You guys don’t think this might be unhealthy for Mabel?” He asked. “I mean you’ve seen how she acts around babies. You really think she can handle this?”

“Dipper, didn’t you see how excited she was? Everything is gonna be fine.” Mr. Pines assured. Dipper still didn’t feel convinced.

His parents must have been able to tell, because his mother added, “Look Dipper,” Her voice was gentle and caring. “I know you’re looking out for your sister, and that’s really sweet, but we didn’t plan this. It’s not usual for adults our age to have another baby, but I can promise you this will be heavily rewarding, just like you two were.” He took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. Immediately he knew she felt the same way; she was worried. The scars were still fresh, and what happened to Mabel had hurt them all.

“Okay mom, I trust you.”

===

The months went by with them performing their extra duties. They all had to pitch in to be sure their mother and the baby were healthy. Dipper had never seen Mabel so excited. She would always spend time with their mother if she could, holding her belly and pressing her ear against the ever growing bump. Like a child waiting to open their christmas gift. His worry began to melt away gradually as he saw how happy she was. She never seemed to be upset by any of it.

Soon their mother gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Little Gabriel. He was so small. No bigger than a loaf of bread. He was so warm in Dipper’s arms as he slept peacefully.

Mabel was always excited to interact with him. Whether it be feeding, changing, or playing. Dipper also enjoyed it, and had eased back on his worrying about Mabel. He loved seeing her smile so much.

It might have been a side effect, but Mabel also seemed to be more touchy-feely and affectionate with Dipper. More sleepovers in the same bed, more cuddling time on the couch, and a daily kiss on the cheek. He didn’t think much of it— Mabel had always been affectionate, and judging by how joyful she was it seemed fitting. It seemed like she may finally be making serious progress, and Dipper couldn’t be happier for her.

As spring break was nearing, their parents had gone out for their first date night since Gabriel was born and had left the twins in charge to take care of Gabriel for a night.

Dipper had gone to the store to pick up groceries for dinner, and Mabel stayed home to watch after Gabriel. When he came back, he entered quietly since Gabriel was sleeping when he left.

He began preparing dinner, expecting Mabel to come downstairs and give him one of her usual hugs and a kiss on the cheek, but there was nothing. Not a sound.

Once he finished preparing dinner he went upstairs to find Mabel, but she was not in her room, so he assumed she was attending to Gabriel.

The door was slightly ajar, so he silently opened the door and stepped in. Across the room he saw Mabel in a chair next to the cradle as she held Gabriel in her arms. She hadn’t noticed Dipper yet as he looked at her. She had a deep look of love and affection that made him feel warm. He looked down at Gabriel and noticed part of Mabel’s shirt was pulled up and Gabriel was sucking on her breast.

Dipper froze. He wasn’t quite sure what he was seeing. In that moment Mabel looked up and made eye contact with him. She froze as well, and the loving look she had before was now replaced with fear. After a few seconds of their awkward staring contest she quickly pulled down her shirt and stood up. She took a step away from Dipper and pulled Gabriel closer.

“Mabel… what was that?” Dipper asked with trepidation. “What were you doing?” He spoke calmly, but serious. He forced down the anxious voice in the back of his mind to keep himself from panicking. He didn’t want it to be true, but knew the answer was obvious. “Mabel, were you… were you breastfeeding Gabriel?” She looked down at Gabriel, face suddenly flushed. Dipper was no expert in biology, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t how breastfeeding worked. “Mabel, hand me Gabriel.” He said, reaching out to her. She shied away and held Gabriel closer.

“No no no no.” She spoke quickly in panic as she shook her head. “Dip please you can’t take my baby.” He stopped dead in his tracks. His jaw dropped and the back of his neck turned cold. She looked him in the eyes with sheer terror. More pieces started to fall into place.

“Oh no.” He said quietly. “Oh no, Mabel.” He thought from her excitement for Gabriel that she had somehow been at peace with it, but clearly it hadn’t seemed to change much, if at all. “Mabel, I’m so sorry for what happened but Gabriel isn’t your baby.” Mabel began to cry. Her sobs were painful, and Dipper felt horrible.

Dipper extended his arms and she reluctantly but carefully handed him Gabriel. He put Gabriel back into the cradle before turning back to Mabel. She was curled up in a ball with her knees drawn to her chest. She was sobbing into her arms as they wrapped around her knees and shoulders. He knelt down next to her and wrapped his arms around her in a protective hug. She lifted her head up and their eyes met. He knew just from her eyes how much this tore at her, how long she had held this in. He wanted nothing more than to help her, to fix the problem, but he knew he couldn't.

Before he realized it, she was pressing her lips to his. Dipper completely froze, and his eyes were wide with shock. They both stayed there for a moment before she pulled away. She looked him in the eyes again, she was so scared. She became flustered, and was shaking as she quickly stood up. She started backing away towards the door, rubbing her trembling hands together nervously. Dipper had never seen her like this.

“Oh my god.” She said. “Oh my god, Dipper I’m so sorry.” She began sobbing into her hands as she quickly walked out the door and down the hall. Dipper heard her door slam shut a few seconds later.

Dipper couldn’t move. He was confused, shocked, but concerned. He didn’t know how to respond to this. It took him a while to really wrap his head around what is really going on. He didn’t want to even think it, but it seems like Mabel must have developed some sort of mother complex over Gabriel. Oh boy.

The more he thought about it, the more pieces began to fall into place; her behavior around Gabriel definitely seemed like that of a mother, she spent pretty much any time she could with him, and now the breastfeeding. Dipper knew this wasn’t healthy for her. Then there was that other thing. The kiss. Yeah, that thing.

What was that for? He didn’t want to think it, but he knew it was likely true; she was putting him in some sort of father position over Gabriel. They would have some nights where they would watch over Gabriel together. Mabel would usually lean into Dipper and rest her head in the crook of his neck as they looked down at the small baby sleeping gently. Thinking back, it seemed so obvious. Thinking about it made Dipper’s stomach tighten.

Mabel’s outburst must have startled Gabriel, because his cries suddenly filled the room. Dipper sat in the chair next to his cradle and gently rocked it side to side, Suddenly feeling so alone and so underprepared for this, so lost. Alone with his thoughts, and crying baby Gabriel.

You and me both. He thought.

#pinecest #myfics

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invisibletinkerer · 5 years

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Fic: In Our Bedroom After the War

When Weirdmageddon fades, Stanley isn’t the only one who emerges broken.

Size: ~6500 words.

AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/18856615

The world was back.

The forest was back. The singing birds, the summer breeze, the sunlight trickling through the canopy of leaves. The sky was a brilliant blue, as if it had never cracked open and spewed nightmares over the valley of Gravity Falls.

The demon was dead.

Stanford Pines was trembling.

By all rights, this should have been a triumph. The threat to all reality posed by the demon – enabled by Stanford himself so many years ago – was gone. Ended at the very moment when all seemed lost. No, when all would have been lost, if it hadn’t been for—

If his brother hadn’t—

Ford clenched the hands that had held the gun, unable to completely stop the shivers, but at least rendering them less noticeable. The children would be looking to him for guidance. It wouldn’t do to break down now, when it was all over.

In fact, he realized with a deep shudder, he was safe. He was bathed in the sunlight of a morning that would never have come, wearing an ill-fitting suit, toes crammed into too small shoes, and for the first time in over three decades there was no demon breathing down his neck. It should have been a triumph, and yet he felt numb.

“Grunkle Sta—Grunkle Ford!” Mabel’s voice from somewhere behind him startled him more than it should have. “You did it! Everything is back to normal! I don’t even understand what happened but you saved us!”

“Mabel, wait!” Dipper’s warning came a little too late, as his sister had already thrown her arms around Ford’s waist, squeezing him painfully. Ford’s fists clenched harder at his sides, but it was just Mabel. She wasn’t going to break his bones or—He wasn’t thinking about that.

“Mabel,” he said instead, as calmly as possible, maneuvering himself and her around to face each other. She was wearing Stanley’s red fez. “I’m afraid you’re mistaken.”

She tensed. “What do you mean? Bill is gone, isn’t he?”

Ford nodded. “Bill is gone, and he’s not coming back. But I’m not the one who saved us.” All he had done was to pull the trigger on his own brother, the brother he’s kept underestimating and writing off until the moment it was too late to make amends. He took a deep breath. “Stanley did.”

“Is he okay?” Dipper had stopped a bit off to the side, arms folded like he was hugging himself, and glancing around as if trying to locate Stanley. “The memory gun – I mean – you erased Bill, didn’t you? Is Grunkle Stan okay?”

Ford sighed and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “No.” There was no point trying to hide the truth from the children, not after everything they’d been through. “The only way to be sure to erase Bill was to wipe Stan’s entire mind. He—” Ford’s voice broke, and he had to swallow to compose himself. “He sacrificed himself for us.”

Mabel stared at him, wide-eyed, but Dipper eyes narrowed, like an accusation. It was well deserved.

“It should have been me.” That was no defense. It should have been Ford, but it wasn’t. He’d been willing to—he’d wanted to die defeating Bill for so many years, but when the moment came his own desperate means of protection against the demon’s mental intrusions was exactly what had rendered him incapable of the deed.

There had been a moment when he’d lost all hope. When the choice had seemed to be between surrendering the world to Bill’s chaotic destruction and watching the children he’d come to know and love suffer and die in Bill’s hands. He knew what Bill was capable of. The thought of Bill turning his energies on the intelligent, curious boy or the bright, creative girl before him made him want to scream again, even knowing that they were safe now.

Ford had been ready to give in, and afterwards no one would have ever been safe.

“Stanley took my place because the memory gun wouldn’t have worked on me,” he explained, keeping his voice steady. “I have a metal plate installed in my head that makes me immune.” Dipper already knew this, but Mabel deserved to understand, too. She was still staring blankly at him.

Dipper took a few steps closer and put his arms around his sister, unclear whether to comfort her or himself. “Are you saying he’s—he’s dead?”

Ford licked his lips. “He should be physically fine. But the man he was – everything he knew and cared about – it’s gone. He’s gone. I’m sorry, but you need to be ready for that.”

Mabel finally blinked. “No,” she said.

“What?”

“No, he’s not gone. I’m not gonna accept that and neither will he!”

“Mabel, that’s not how it—”

“La-la-la, I can’t hear you!” Mabel papped her hands over her ears, then smiled brightly. “You’ll see, Grunkle Ford! He’ll be fine! He’s a hero! Come on, Dipper, let’s go find him!” She grabbed her brother’s hand and dragged him off in a random direction, not waiting for Ford to follow.

Ford pushed down a spell of dizziness. His heart was beating too fast, his vision swaying as he followed the children at a slower pace. They did have to find Stanley. They had to take care of him somehow. But Mabel was wrong – she was a child. She didn’t understand that sometimes the hero is the one who is not left standing in the end.

It was expected, but still agonizing to see the light die in Mabel’s eyes when they reached him. He was sitting in the grass in a small clearing, his face dazed and empty, looking at the restored world with no indication of understanding it. The contrast was profound between this shell of a man and the focused, determined, clever brother who had convinced Ford to switch clothes and pull a final desperate con in the few minutes of time the children’s actions had bought them. The brother who had wordlessly squeezed Ford’s six-fingered hand and looked at him like he wished he could pour a lifetime’s worth of missed companionship into a single gaze.

“I’m sorry,” Ford mouthed even as Mabel ran up to the shell, putting the fez back on his head, hugging him and thanking him for saving them all. The man that used to be Stanley blinked and managed to talk, but all that came out was confused politeness.

She was openly weeping, begging for her Grunkle to recognize her, when Ford and Dipper dragged her away.

“He doesn’t remember,” Ford said softly. Subtle tremors ran through him again, but he made himself look at Stanley’s blank expression. “He saved the world today, and he doesn’t even know.”

A few steps forward, and Ford was close enough to touch him. The eyes that looked up at him were open, innocent, confused but accepting. “He saved us. He saved me.” He wasn’t sure who he was talking to anymore, but he felt the full weight of his own words like a sledgehammer to the chest, ripping his heart out. It wasn’t just the world – he was saved. Stanley had saved him. And it was too late to thank him for it.

Ford’s legs folded beneath him, and before he knew it he pulled Stanley’s empty shell into a tight embrace. “You’re our hero, Stanley.” His voice broke into a sob, and then the tears came.

Stanford knew all too well that men shouldn’t cry, and he didn’t mean to, not now, not in front of the upset children. Perhaps it was fatigue that did it. The events of the past however-long-it-had-been in the pseudo-time of Weirdmageddon was an agonizing blur, but he was free, and alive, and safe – it was all over, all thanks to Stanley, but Stanley didn’t even know it.

Stanley didn’t move, didn’t hug him back, just sat there awkwardly. Enduring the embrace, but not reciprocating. It was too late. Stanley wasn’t there. Stanley was gone, and it had been Ford’s hand on the trigger. Ford’s own foolishness that had led them to that moment. If he’d talked to Stanley just once – trusted him like he deserved to be trusted—

Emotions that he’d kept bottled up for decades threatened to drown him. It hurt, though he doubted much of the pain was physical at this point. He was a fool. He’d known he was a fool ever since Bill’s betrayal became clear, but this was different. He’d missed Stanley. He’d missed him for all those years, but hanging on to the anger made the loss easier to bear, until he hadn’t even made an attempt to reconnect when he’d had the chance. He’d ignored Stanley, dismissed him, taken him for granted. He’d understood nothing, and now it was too late – now he never would.

Ford didn’t cry for long. He had to pull himself together. With a shaking breath and a quick wipe of his eyes with a hand, he let the man who should have been his brother go, unable to look at his face. “I’m sorry,” he said, both to the Stanley that had been and the remains of Stanley that was.

“It’s fine,” Stanley said. “I suppose.” He hesitated, as if too confused to know what questions to ask, instead opting to ask nothing.

“Mr Pines!” a new voice exclaimed, interrupting the sudden silence. Stan’s handyman – Soos? – landed on the ground next to the brothers and started shaking Stanley’s shoulders. “Is it true? Like you not being you anymore and you can’t remember my name? Please tell me you remember my name, dude!” There were tears in his eyes, too. Apparently, Stanley had been dearly beloved by more than his immediate family.

Stanley’s face frowned slightly, as if trying to remember the correct emotions to respond to people wanting something from him that he couldn’t give. “I’m sorry, sir,” he said, which was clearly the wrong thing to say. Soos bawled.

Ford forced himself back to his feet, leaning against a tree. He was going to have to take charge of this somehow, but he didn’t know what to do. He was the most competent adult person in the vicinity, and yet he had no idea how to proceed. Was his house—was the Mystery Shack still standing? Maybe not – the barrier spell around the house would have negated the effects of Weirdmageddon’s reversal, too. But the town might be alright. The children would need some food and a place to rest, surely. They’d need to get back to their parents as soon as possible. California, was it? Did anyone have a car that was still running?

And Stanley. Would need someone to help him for a while. Perhaps for the rest of his life. It was the least Ford could do.

It hurt to move, but Ford pulled himself upright and cleared his throat, steeling himself to get things done.

“Grunkle Ford?” Mabel interrupted him. She had wiped her eyes about as well as Ford himself had, now standing with her arms crossed and her hands hidden in the sleeves of her sweater. “We’re going to fix this.”

Ford slowly shook his head. “Mabel. I know that you—”

“We’re going to fix this!” Mabel repeated, loud and confident enough that everyone in the clearing looked up. “Grunkle Stan, you’re gonna be okay!” She pointed energetically at the confused man with the crooked fez, then at Ford. “Grunkle Ford, you swap your clothes back with him! He’ll feel more like himself in his own clothes! And then we’re going back to the Mystery Shack. It’s your home, Grunkle Stan – there has to be something there that can make you remember!”

Her tone was far too authoritative for a barely thirteen-year-old human, reminding Ford of that one nation of hunnerbaphs where the adolescents were the undisputed leaders – perhaps there was something to that idea after all – but he listened up. He knew for a fact that her plans wouldn’t help Stanley, but going back to the Shack was fine. He couldn’t bring himself to contradict her.

Stanley stumbled to his feet with Soos’ assistance, then tilted his head at Ford. “Do we change clothes?” he asked, too softly.

* * *

Against all odds or reason, it worked.

Mabel’s desperate hope, her refusal to accept tragedy, shone so brightly that Ford was tempted to believe she was rewriting the very laws of reality. When the amnesiac’s soft tone changed – just for a moment – into Stanley’s grumpy affection, Ford thought his heart was actually about to stop. The hard knots in his soul that had kept him going suddenly loosened, and he found himself gripping the back of Stanley’s chair, willing his knees not to buckle until he was breathing normally again. His chest ached and his fingertips tingled painfully, but he was witnessing a miracle.

Stanley wasn’t completely gone. There was still something of his brother there, something that could be saved. Tears threatened to well up in his eyes again, but not from despair this time.

He still didn’t speak while Illustrated tales of a summer’s worth of shenanigans poured forth from the children and the handyman. He knew nothing about these tales, stories about a Stanley he’d never bothered to get to know, but he listened, smiling incredulously. Stanley’s polite confusion turned into eager activity, and each scrap of memory he dragged up was celebrated and cheered by the family.

Stanley wasn’t a blank slate, like Ford had assumed. He was like a sheet of pencil scribblings that had been imperfectly rubbed out by an eraser, many of the writings recoverable with some effort.

Stanley was still there.

That didn’t mean anything about Bill.

There was no guarantee Stanley would be able to remember Ford. Or if he did, that he’d ever be able to forgive him. Maybe he shouldn’t. But Ford hadn’t erased him, hadn’t killed him utterly, and Stanley was going to be alright. That much, Ford allowed himself to hope.

The room seemed to be spinning around him. The pictures in Mabel’s scrapbook was drifting in and out of focus, and the children’s words – something about petting zoos and mutant cows – seemed to be coming to him through water. It occurred to him that if he hadn’t been leaning heavily against the back of the chair, he might have already fallen over.

Vaguely, he supposed he should have anticipated this. Adrenalin will only take you so far. His whole body ached, and he didn’t want to acknowledge why, but if Stanley was going to be alright, maybe it would be acceptable for Ford to rest. He wondered briefly how long it had been since he slept, then shied away from the thought. It was over. Bill was gone.

Ford forced a deep breath and made a decision. Collapsing here and now would be irresponsible. The children were helping Stanley recover parts of himself – who knew what damage it would do to interrupt that? He needed to get himself out of the way before he became a distraction.

He gave Stanley’s shoulder a pat that he hoped was reassuring. “Keep going,” he said. “I’ll be back.” Somehow he managed to keep his voice steady.

“Where are you going?” Mabel looked up from the scrapbook and looked at him with a hint of worry in her eyes.

“Are you okay?” Dipper added.

“Yes, I—” Ford made a vague gesture with a hand he hoped wasn’t shaking visibly. “There’s something I need to do.” Lie down, preferably. “I’ll be back.”

“Wait,” Stanley said, head tilted in that heart-breakingly confused manner. “You haven’t told me who you are yet. You some kinda relative?”

Something cold clenched in Ford’s stomach. He wanted to answer the question. He wanted to let Stanley know that he’d missed him. But no words came to him, and his legs wouldn’t hold him for much longer. “Later, Stanley,” he managed. “I promise.”

* * *

Ford made it to the old study, closing the carved door behind him. Only then, out of his family’s view, did he allow himself to crumble on the couch. Letting himself settle against the cushions was a relief, body limp other than a few slight, irregular twitches. Unconsciousness beckoned temptingly.

When he closed his eyes, the room around him shifted into red and black and gleaming yellow. He was still there, filled with helpless dread and single-minded determination, anticipating excruciating pain that would—

No.

He drew a sharp breath and tore his eyes open. The wooden ceiling was cracked, but familiar.

It was over.

Bill was dead.

Wasn’t he?

His racing heart refused to acknowledge reason. The recent past played on the inside of his eyelids, beneath his skin.

“Your choice, Sixer! I could find out how to out of this pesky barrier, or I could find out how long it takes for all of your clothes to burn off your body!”

Breathing exercises. In. Then out.

For a moment he almost regretted removing himself from the grounding presence of other people. But no, he would only be impeding Stanley’s recovery, and he was fine. Even if he wasn’t, the mere idea of getting back to his feet and walking seemed currently impossible. He assumed he could do it if his life depended on it, but it didn’t.

“You know how many bones are in a six-fingered hand? There’s twenty-three, if you don’t count the wrist! I’m gonna see if I can snap all of them without tearing anything off!”

Slowly, with great effort, Ford pushed himself up to sit on the couch. He leaned forward and studied his own hands. Twelve fingers. White palms. Smooth. No callouses. No burns. He flexed one finger at a time, confirming that they worked. Stiff and somewhat tingling, but they all moved fine. No broken bones.

“What’dya think? Should we do that again, from the beginning? Or do you wanna let me into your head already?”

He’d been incredibly lucky, all things considered. If the kids and Stanley had arrived at the wrong time – maybe just an hour earlier – they would have found a bloody, broken wreck he wouldn’t have been able to stand, much less draw a circle. One hand half-consciously touched a kneecap, whole and in place. The fact that Bill had healed him in order to inflict more pain didn’t change that fact that Bill had healed him. He was fine.

“Remember that time is dead, Fordsy. We could do this for all of eternity! And I mean, as long as I’m stuck in this tiny bubble, it’s not like I have anything better to do!”

Drawing a shuddering breath and putting his glasses away on the drawer, Ford rubbed his eyes. He briefly considered getting a pot of coffee, but that would also involve moving, and he didn’t seem to have any reserves left.

Breathing. In, then out.

Eventually he clutched a pillow in his lap, curling up with his arms around it, his side against the backrest. Bill hadn’t even allowed him the comfort folding up on himself. He’d been kept in suspended gravity, defenseless, exposed, limbs held out by chains. Making himself smaller should prove, even to his exhausted mind, that he was no longer there.

It was over. Stanley had saved him in the end, whether he deserved to be saved it or not.

Stanley had sacrificed himself. But he would be alright. The children were bringing him back.

In, and out.

There were still yellow shapes moving behind his eyelids when he closed his eyes, but Bill was dead. Ford clenched his fists and pressed the pillow against his chest. For once, he was in no danger whatsoever.

* * *

Bill was laughing. Ford tried to scream, but he had no voice. He stared at the blackened remains of his hands, but no, they were fine, all fingers accounted for. Stanley was staring at him from below with blank, empty eyes. Ford tried to reach him, but his knees were bent the wrong way, blood pooling through his pants, and he couldn’t even breathe. Bill towered over him, and in his hand was Mabel and Dipper, faces twisted in terror, and Ford had to do something, but Bill snapped his fingers. The world exploded into brilliant lighting, searing him from the inside, and finally a sound emerged from Ford’s mouth—

—but it was more a strangled croak than a scream, a pathetic sound that startled him awake. He panted, still feeling sparks ripping through him, the burns on his wrists throbbing with every heartbeat.

Nightmares. A counterproductive but natural attempt by the human mind to deal with stress.

Bill was dead.

He let his head fall forward into the pillow in his lap with a quiet groan. His face was damp with sweat. Other than the hot burns on his wrists, his skin felt numb and stiff, but something on the inside stabbed at him when he shifted. Damage from the tail end of the torture. It’d heal. It seemed petty to worry about a mere couple of high-voltage shocks, when by rights he would have been crippled and broken for life.

“Whoa,” a gravelly voice said, too close. Ford flinched, scrambling for a weapon that wasn’t there. A moment later he froze, recognizing the shape of the man standing in the doorway.

“Stanley?”

Stanley – or to what degree was it Stanley? To what degree was it an amnesiac stranger with Stanley’s face? – was looking at Ford with an expression that could only be described as ‘sheepish’. “Yeah,” he said. “Well, I kinda prefer ‘Stan’.” He scratched the back of his head. “Although ‘Mr Mystery’ seems appropriate at this point.”

Ford drew a deep breath. “Yes, of course. Stan.” He straightened his back, put his glasses back on his face and fidgeted with his fingers on the pillow, hesitating. How long had he slept? How much of Stanley had Mabel managed to drag back, and how much of him was still an empty void? He seemed hesitant, but no longer empty, not like he had been. Ford had wanted nothing more than to talk to his brother, but now – still trying to hold back shudders, facing a man that was part Stanley, part no one, he didn’t know what to say. Where would he start? Did he apologize? Did he try to explain? Did he acknowledge nothing until he knew exactly how much Stanley remembered?

“How do you feel?” he managed.

Stanley shrugged with affected nonchalance. “Pretty good, considering. Also, I’m not the one who practically woke up screaming from a midday nap a moment ago.”

Ford tensed. He would have preferred it if Stanley hadn’t seen that. “Just a nightmare.”

“Mh-hm.”

This was awkward. “Where are the kids?”

“Looking for something edible. Told them I’d go check on you.” He grimaced slightly, eyes flicking to the side. “Look, I—”

Ford steeled himself. “You don’t remember me at all, do you?” Expected. Painful, like yet another knife in his guts, but expected.

Stanley looked down at his shoes. “No. Tell ya the truth, I mostly remember the kids, and a bit of my job. You could be the man in the moon for all I know.”

Ford could only nod. The children could only do so much, only inspire Stanley to remember them, but if he remembered his business, he’d most likely be able to resume his life. His brother may still be lost to Ford, but maybe that was for the better. He pulled a hand through his hair, trying to think of words to say, but all of them stuck in his throat. He was no Mabel. How hard would it be to just tell Stanley he was his twin, that he wanted to help, that he didn’t want to lose him again? Evidently, very hard. He couldn’t assume Stanley would be able to remember him. He couldn’t even assume he’d want to.

Stanley continued. “They said you’re my brother.”

“That’s right,” Ford said. That much, at least, was a biological fact, and it was something that could be easily shown if Stanley wasn’t clear on the matter. He abruptly put the pillow aside and stood up, ignoring the way the movement made something sharper than pins and needles tear into him. “Come here.” The large mirror was still covered by a sheet, so he pulled it off and gestured for Stan to join him. “See for yourself.”

It was just as uncomfortable than the last time they’d been standing together in front of a mirror, but for entirely different reasons. Stanley didn’t look much like their father after all. He was too soft, too casual, too much emotion in his eyes even now. It was Ford that looked like Filbrick, ramrod straight and clench-jawed. The realization stung, but he wished he could have seen it sooner.

Stanley put a hand on his chin, studying their faces. “We’re twins, aren’t we?” he concluded. “Like the kids.”

Ford nodded, trying not to be too disappointed that the sight of their faces next to each other hadn’t made Stanley remember anything. Of course it wouldn’t. If it was even possible, it would take more, and could Ford even justify dragging up decades-old wounds just because he wanted his brother back?

“Huh.” Stanley paused. “Is that why we’d swapped clothes before? I was wearing your clothes and pretending to be you for some reason?”

“Yes.” Deduction, not recollection. At least it seemed like Stanley’s cognitive functions hadn’t been damaged, and he should be grateful of that. With a sigh, Ford sat back on the couch, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “I take it that didn’t stir any memories.”

“Sorry,” Stanley said, as if that was something he should apologize for. Sitting down next to Ford on the couch, he folded a leg beneath him and half-turned in Ford’s direction.

“Don’t be,” Ford said, leaning against the backrest and looking at the ceiling, not at his brother. “It’s frankly a miracle that you can remember anything at all. There’s no reason for you to—"

“Hey,” Stanley interrupted. “Your hands.”

Ford winced. He could take other people mocking his hands. He’d been a freak since birth, he knew that as well as—as Bill did. But Stanley had been the one person who’d never—

But he didn’t mock them. Instead, Stanley gently braided the fingers of his left hand in the spaces between the fingers on Ford’s right, holding up their clasped hands. “Sixer,” he said quietly, almost reverently.

Ford’s breath caught in his lungs. “You remember?”

“We used to do this when we were small.” Stanley said, staring at their hands with wide eyes. “I used to think my hands fitted much better with yours than with people with five fingers.”

Ford’s shoulders started to tremble. Blinking away tears, he stared at their joined hands, too. “Yes. Yes – you did say that.” His hands, of all the things to remember. Not the fights or the dismissals, not working for thirty years and being punched for the trouble. No, just the fact that their hands fitted well together when they were children.

Like a snapshot in Mabel’s scrapbook. He wasn’t going to cry.

Stanley smiled wistfully. “Oh, good. I do have a past after all.”

Ford wiped his eyes with his free hand, refusing to acknowledge the tears. Voiceless, he nodded.

“I want to say your name is Stanford,” Stan continued, eyes unfocused like he was trying to see through the fog in his mind. “It’s weird, but I also want to say my name is Stanford. But that can’t be right. I mean, you called me Stanley just now.”

Ford made an undefinable sound, neither a sob nor a chuckle, clenching his hand tighter around Stanley’s. He really should have seen that one coming. “You’re right, I’m Stanford. Your name is Stanley. Our father was uncreative, but not that uncreative.”

Stanley leaned back a bit and huffed. “That, I want to believe.” He grimaced. “I prefer ‘Stan’ anyway. And you go by ‘Ford’, right? That’s what the kids used.”

Ford nodded, silently glad that Stanley didn’t decide to pursue the topic further. He knew that the years of using Stanford’s name would have to come out into the open at some point, but not right now. “I prefer ‘Ford’, yes.”

“Alright, so I remember your excellent hands, that’s something.” Stanley said, as if trying to summarize to himself, disentangling his hand from Ford’s. Ford’s hand fell into his lap, strangely empty. “I kinda want to ask if we’ve got any old childhood photo albums or something—”

Ford perked at that. “We might, in fact, have that!” The idea was so obvious he hadn’t even thought of it – their childhood together in New Jersey. The good times. He knew their mother had sent him a box of old memorabilia, including school yearbooks and childhood photo albums, back when he first moved to Gravity Falls, and Stanley surely wouldn’t have thrown such things away, so it was only a matter of finding them.

“—but there’s something else I need to ask you about first.”

“And what would that be?” Ford bit his lip, bracing himself for anything Stanley might have remembered without context.

Stanley leaned forward, away from Ford, supporting his arms on his thighs and looking down at his own knees. “I didn’t want to ask the kids. Maybe I shouldn’t ask you either, but—” He sighed. “Look, I’m amnesiac, not dumb. I didn’t lose my memories by some random fluke. Something went down here. The kids are battered – Dipper has a bump the size of my thumb on his head! The Shack is thrashed. I’m bruised, too. As for you, you look dead on your feet and have nightmares in the middle of the day.”

“I’m not—”

“And unless I was hallucinating while I was still trying to remember how to wear a dress shirt, you’ve got some weird-looking burns under than sweater.”

Ford sighed and leaned forward too, mirroring his brother’s pose without looking at him.

“I just wanna know what the hell happened!” Stanley finished with some heat.

“You saved us,” Ford said softly.

“Yeah, and then there’s that. Apparently I’m some kind of hero for – I dunno – not saving my family from getting injured?”

Ford spluttered, taken aback by that. “You saved us from far worse!”

“Sure, and I’d take credit for it too, if I could remember any of it. But since I don’t, how about you tell me.”

Ford drew a deep breath, straightening his back again. He could understand why Stanley wanted to know. The memory wipe would be confusing enough in itself, but with no reference points other than the obvious fact that something deeply unsettling had happened, it would be unbearable. At the same time, it was the equivalent of starting a story at the end. “You want me to tell you about Weirdmageddon.”

“Weirdma-what?”

“It’s what we called it.” Ford fidgeted with the sleeve of his coat. “It was very nearly the end of the world. If not for you, it would have been.”

“Okay. I saved the world.” Stanley’s tone was only slightly skeptical.

“It’s a very long story.” It was long, and Ford wasn’t sure how to tell it.

“Then tell me the short version. What happened to you and the kids, why can’t I remember anything, and are we still in any kind of danger?”

“I—” Ford hesitated. “I need you to know something first. In case it triggers memories, or for when or if your memories return later. I need you to know that I’m sorry.” He wanted Stanley to understand, but at the same time he knew he wouldn’t, not now, perhaps never.

Stanley looked back at Ford. “For what?”

Ford didn’t meet his eyes. “Ford many things. I’ve made mistakes. We both did, but I—I haven’t been a very good brother.” He swallowed. This was probably incoherent for Stanley at the moment. “Maybe that’s for a later time. I just need you to know that I’m sorry.”

“That’s not ominous at all,” Stanley said with a raised eyebrow.

“I didn’t mean—”

“Just tell me about Weirdma-whatnot.”

Ford took a deep breath to collect himself. “A demon called Bill Cipher broke through to our dimension.” He glanced at Stanley, but to his relief his brother didn’t seem disinclined to believe in the existence of demons. “Ultimately,” he continued, “the blame for this lies on me. Many years ago, Bill manipulated me into creating the means to make this invasion possible.” This was still hard to say out loud, but it felt necessary.

Stanley said nothing, so Ford went on. “Bill immediately started to remake this world in his chaotic image, which is what we referred to as Weirdmageddon. But because of a naturally occurring barrier around this area, he was unable to take it beyond the valley of Gravity Falls.” Ford’s hand clenched around the fabric of his coat. “I went to confront Bill on my own. I believed I’d be able to defeat him alone, but I was wrong, and he captured me.”

Stanley’s eyes narrowed. “So what did I do?”

“Frankly, I don’t know the details. I don’t even know how long Weirdmageddon lasted. Normal time was out of order, and in any case I wasn’t—” He bit his lip. Don’t think about it. “I think it was a few days. A week, maybe.” At least if he included whatever time he’d spent encased in gold. “Eventually you, the kids and some other survivors arrived with some kind of giant robot that distracted Bill while you freed me, as well as the townspeople Bill had petrified.”

Ford barely noticed that he’d hunched his shoulders, looking down at his hands again. He skipped the next part. “Bill wasn’t distracted for long. He recaptured all of us and threatened Mabel and Dipper.”

Stanley’s face hardened visibly at that.

“I was ready to give in and give him what he wanted for the chance that they’d be safe.” The memory tasted like ash in his mouth. “But the children bought us a few minutes of time and you came up with a plan to kill Bill, using a weapon that erases memories. If we could use it to erase a person’s entire mind while Bill was projecting into it—” He trailed off.

“And that’s why I can’t remember stuff?”

“It should have been me!” Ford turned to finally look straight at Stanley. “But I have a metal plate installed in my head that would have protected both me and Bill from the effects, so I couldn’t.” He needed Stanley to see that. “So you took my place, tricking Bill to go into your mind instead of mine, and I wiped your memories to destroy him.” I did this to you. “Once he was dead, Weirdmageddon was reversed. We’re safe now, thanks to you.”

“Huh.” Stanley leaned back, relaxing slightly. “Makes as much sense as anything.”

“I didn’t think it would be possible for you to regain your memories,” Ford admitted, “but Mabel refused to believe that.”

Stanley smiled fondly. “She’s something else, isn’t she?”

“She really is.”

Shifting to face Ford again, Stanley adjusted his fez, frowning. “Let me get this straight, though. Am I getting it right? This guy held you captive for several days while you had something he wanted, and you wouldn’t give it to him until he threatened the kids?”

Ford winced, but nodded. He might have said too much, but at the same time, not enough. “I knew how to break the barrier around Gravity Falls and take Weirdmageddon worldwide,” he admitted, quietly. “And I would have told him, if you hadn’t found another way.”

“I get that, and I can hardly blame you.” Stanley’s face darkened. “But before that, you refused.”

Ford didn’t reply, but he didn’t have to.

“And he hurt you.” That wasn’t a question either.

Ford looked away. “Yes, but it could have been much worse. He was able to reverse the damage he inflicted, so most of it may as well never have happened.”

“Great Moses.” Stanley fell silent for a few seconds. “Do the kids know?”

“I believe they’re under the impression I was turned into a gold statue for the whole duration.”

“Good.” He seemed to hesitate, and but before the silence could become too awkward, he continued. “Look, Sixer. I barely remember you. For all I know, you’re really a horrible jerk of a brother. But—” He paused again, then shook his head and made a strange, lop-sided grin. “It sounds to me like we make a hell of a team in a crisis.”

Conflicting emotions roiled in Ford’s stomach. Stanley had no idea how wrong he was. But he was also right. In the end, he was right, and maybe that’s what mattered.

“Can I—” Stanley paused. “Oh, of course I can.” Without further warning, he wrapped his arms around Ford and pulled him into a tight hug.

For a moment Ford was too startled to move. Startled, but strangely without fear. On the contrary, he felt safe. Stanley might not know, but he cared, and wasn’t that such a Stanley response to the situation? He shouldn’t be worrying about Ford. He’d lost objectively far more than Ford had. Nevertheless, it was warm, and somehow, Ford needed this. He put his arms around Stanley’s back, returning the embrace, and buried his face in his brother’s shoulder.

“I used to stand between you and the bullies, didn’t I? When we were kids.”

Ford hugged him tighter. “You did,” he said, voice muffled by Stanley’s suit. “You remember that?”

“Very vaguely. I bet you’re the little brother.”

Ford raised his head with a small huff. “I’m fifteen minutes older than you.”

“I find that hard to believe.” He grinned.

They disengaged from the hug, but stayed together in silence for a while longer, leaning against each other’s shoulders. It was comfortable, to the point that things seemed to be almost well. It wasn’t, not really, and Ford knew he didn’t deserve this. If Stanley remembered him properly, he would hardly be so comfortable with him. For Stanley’s sake, he finally stirred. “We should—”

Stanley spoke simultaneously. “Do you—”

Both fell silent. Finally, Ford gestured for Stanley to go first.

“I was gonna ask if you need any first aid or something. Or if you took care of that.”

Ford’s slight grimace must have said enough. Come to think of it, it would be a good idea to clean and disinfect the surface burns, at least.

“We should do that, then.” Stanley shifted and stretched his arms. “What were you gonna say?”

“I was going to suggest that we find those photo albums. It would be a place to start.”

Somehow, amnesia and all, Stanley looked happy. “Right,” he said. “Sounds like we’ve got a plan.”

#gravity falls #fanfic #weirdmageddon aftermath #stanley pines #stanford pines #stan twins #hurt/comfort #i've been wanting to write something like this for a while now #cw torture #it writes

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sammysreelreviews · 5 years

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6 Animated Shows On Hulu That Help Me When I Am Feeling Depressed And Anxious.

May is mental health awareness month and if you know me you know I’m very open with my struggles with depression and anxiety. I’ve had depression since I was a teen and I started getting crippling anxiety when I was in my last semester of college. I got Hulu and in a way it saved me. I watch a lot of cartoons cause they make me laugh and make feel better when I’m depressed or if my anxiety gets really bad and Hulu basically has all the good ones. I’ve gotten a little personal with this one just in case anyone out there can relate! Here are my favorites that can help me see brighter days and I hope they do the same for you! Hope everyone is happy and healthy and if not I hope you’re working towards it!

1. Family Guy (1999 - )

This show really got me through some dark times and honestly I owe Seth McFarlane at this point. It’s amazing how a show has been on this long and is still good. The best part of Family Guy is how outrageous it is and it’s all fun and games even when the jokes go too far (I’ll never forgive that Anton Yelchin joke though.) Family Guy has cheered me up during some tough times and thank god for those Brian and Stewie episodes.

Favorite Character: Everyone says it but it’s Stewie. Like if Stewie isn’t your favorite are you even watching the same show?

Favorite Episode: The Boys in the Band (Season 15, Episode 1)

This episode cracks me the fuck UP. Stewie and Brian start a band together and sing at children’s birthday parties which already is hysterical. There’s one scene where Stewie is in the crowd crying and I think I rewind it everytime I watch it.

2. American Dad (2005 - )

Another Seth McFarlane creation that makes me explode with laughter. To be honest I never really thought American Dad was funny so I binged it all and I quickly changed my mind. This show is absolutely fucking ridiculous and sometimes I think it’s better than Family Guy. Don’t tell anyone I said that though.

Favorite Character: This has to be a tie between Steve and Klaus. Any time they are together it is pure gold and I pee every single time. Klaus always gets the shit end of the stick but he lowkey has the funniest moments and Steve singing is the best part of any episode. Period.

Favorite Episode: Paranoid Frandroid (Season 13, Episode 2)

Honestly I couldn’t really decide what episode was my favorite but for right now it’s this episode because Klaus has this moment where he sings a broadway like tune about having his own human body one day and it kills me every fucking time.

3. Bob’s Burgers (2011 - )

This show just fucking cracks me up. Bobs Burgers is a show where every character gets a moment to shine and that’s very rare. Usually in cartoons I feel like some characters are better than others but in this show everyone gets their own laughs and episodes. Bobs Burgers was a show I watched when I found out I had to get open heart surgery and didn’t leave my house for like a month and some change. It would make me laugh even when I couldn’t leave my bed.

Favorite Character: It 100% is Louise she has the best lines and her bond with Bob reminds me of my bond with my father.

Favorite Episode: Can’t Buy Me Math (Season 5, Episode 11)

This episode has Tina pretending to date a boy so he can get the girl he wants and he tutors Tina in math in exchange for her help. Gene says this one line and honest to god it doesn’t matter how many damn times I watch the episode I die laughing without fail.

4. Adventure Time (2010 - 2018)

In college I had to go to the hospital multiple times and the only way i got through it was watching Adventure Time. The show that seems so dumb in the beginning actually builds a heartbreaking plot and a bond with these characters so close that when it ended I sobbed. I owe a lot to Finn, Jake, and the other residents of Ooo and I’m so happy I joined this adventure for so long.

Favorite Character: I mean there are so many but no one makes me laugh harder than BMO.

Favorite Episode: Trouble in Lumpy Space (Season 1, Episode 2)

There are A LOT of Adventure Time episodes but I mean a whole episode about Lumpy Space Princess in her element... what’s not to love?

5. Star Vs the Forces of Evil (2015 - 2019)

My bestie Genna recommended me this and I didn’t realize how much I needed it. Star Butterfly is a princess with powers from the dimension of Mewnie and is sent to earth to stay with human Marcos Diaz. You soon question why her parents sent her there in the first place. This cartoon is not only funny as hell but has some serious plot and story to it with little Sailor Moon references I adore.

Favorite Character: Ponyhead! She’s the sassiest gal in any galaxy!

Favorite Episode: Star Comes to Earth/Party with a Pony (Season 1, Episode 1)

This episode really sets the tone for the entire series. Star’s chaotic energy, Marco being responsible, and Ponyhead being the bad ass bitch that she is. Also we get to see the infamous Bounce lounge.

6. Gravity Falls (2012 - 2016)

Gravity Falls is a show that is so much more than meets the eye! Twins Dipper and Mabel stay with their Grunkle Stan for the summer in Gravity Falls where shit just gets super fucking weird. There’s a whole mystery within this show and it’s amazing.

Favorite Character: Mabel Pines. Mabel is sassy af and a hopeless romantic just like me. She’s a good friend and sister and that’s why she’s my favorite.

Favorite Episode: A Tale of Two Stans (Season 2, Episode 12)

I’m not gonna spoil anything but, wow, talk about well written.

#Hulu #adventure time #family guy #american dad #star vs the forces of evil #bobs burgers #gravity falls #cartoon network #disney xd

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pickyperkypenguin · 5 years

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Recently I remembered that Mabel podcast exists. As I had an upcoming journey, it seemed like a perfect occasion to renew my interest in it, and to get to know how the story of Anna Limon and Mabel unfolds.

(Disclaimer: I am writing all this after listening to twenty five episodes. I don’t exclude the possibility that I’d change my mind, had I listened to more, but for now this is what I think. Also, I had no idea I’ve had so much to say about Mabel podcast, so the length of this text is a surprise both for you and for me. tl;dr: I love the idea of this story, execution could be better.)

What I realised after listening to a couple of episodes after a long break (and the natural break in the narrative, at which point I initially finished), was that it’s, like, Really Bad. But, you know, sort of in a good way.

The general premise is something that a person ( I, the person. When I say we or a person I mean I, but it’s too late to care about my phrasing now) wishes badly to exist. Who doesn’t want a queered fairy tale, dramatic and tragic lesbian romance, the kind that somehow feels like in every single scene the heroes (heroines, in this case) are standing over the edge of a cliff, their ripped white shirts barely covering their chests, their bodies shivering from the wind, and somebody is about to kill or kiss the other person. You know, the romantic as in the historical period kind. Everything over the top, but better, because it’s not subtextually, but screamingly textually queer.

And it works at certain points, really – the queerness of the heroines queers the structure of the story, it plays on the archetypes and sort of fulfils the desire to appropriate them for the queer self for once. It’s a pleasant feeling.

The descriptions are flowy and opulent, the romance goes how certain type of straight romances would go – assuming that the listener will assume the same stuff about a queer couple, as about heterosexual one. And it provides the portrait of an unhinged, feral, burning and at times tender love I see so rarely in queer narratives, because it often would be considered “problematic” (again, it would not, was it a straight romance, but we do tend to have higher expectations for queer romances) or simply botched (it often is in straight romances). It’s the love that’s not really supposed to be nice, and that’s based on imagining and idealisation of the other person more than the reality of the connection (and it goes both ways, as we see after finally getting Mabel’s POV). It is indeed for the most of time disconnected, here by literally a wall between the worlds, but not as the finishing scene, but by the duration. The sun and moon type of romance (and the podcast seems self-aware of all that, I think the creators are delighting in the fact that they can construct it like this).

And I think that till a certain point it all sort of works out more or less, minus the details I’ll be complaining about. When it comes to the luscious descriptions creating the atmosphere of a fairy tale in vivid detail, they are really over the top, bordering on purple prose (or sometimes just plunging right into it). The repetitions and flowery adjectives have their own charm and work in small amounts. I thought – maybe it was not made for binge listening? But no, on the other hand the structure of plot is slow to unfold and convoluted enough, that were I listening to it week-by-week, I’d get nothing from it, really, and would probably be discouraged by the fact that it’s not as much that I don’t understand anything, but I can’t see the larger plot that’s supposed to be unfolding. It’s a mystery-based podcast at first, and I would probably forget what would be considered as base-level unusual in-world, and it would not make an effective impression on me with the increase of oddity.

Another explanation of the purple language – maybe it’s Anna Limon’s character? Maybe she is that kind of girl – after all, for what we know she might as well be going crazy in an old lady’s house, fixating on mysteries and family history that’s not hers for the lack of anything to do? The voicemail “letters” (for a lack of better word, but it has that feel of XIXth century love letters, you know) charm at first. Well, at least me. (Same went with Alice Isn’t Dead, with the main character constantly addressing her wife that she misses – that was I think the first time I encountered a wlw affection showed like this, and I liked the idea very much).

Unfortunately, the formula starts breaking when the first arc of the story ends, and we get to know Mabel’s point of view and Mabel’s character. Here the similarities of that language start grating: Mabel is a not-really-a-girl-what-does-human-mean-at-this-point who has been isolated for a long time in the Kingdom Under the Hill, where concepts work in a slightly different way than in the real world, and she could be this over the top just from the isolation and existing for a long time among this non-euclidean post-death plant-gymnastics.

Both Anna and Mabel could have their own reasons to be speaking like this (speaking! That also changes the feeling of it, it read distinctively different in text form). But when those reasons are so different from one another, and yet the language stays about the same, it’s just obvious that it’s the writing of the show, and unfortunately, as I said, in larger quantities, in it not being a distinctive characteristic but how the script is written, and also because it’s all spoken, it starts charming and ends up jarring. It’s becomes too over the top, if I can say it like that, and it doesn’t work as it should, also because – and here we come with another thing – it takes itself so. damn. seriously.

The Mabel podcast does not joke, but it contains a lot of unhinged, wild and hysterical laughing, giggling and sobbing. Maybe it’s the fault of the voice acting (and sorry if it’s rude, but I’m afraid I think the voice acting is really not good overall), but at a point it just started getting on my nerves. The show never stops to give itself a breather, but rides the high C all the time, and there is no rest. That cheapens, I’m afraid, the moments that are supposed to be impactful and end up less so, because they have no chance of shining brighter than the others, as everything tries to shine at once.

I also think that the voice acting itself is annoying me more than it should. I don’t really find the cadence of the voices pleasant – especially Mabel, who is unfinishing her sentences a lot but in a way that sounds artificial. It’s like amateur actors who know they are supposed to not finish a sentence, because it has been written in the script that another character will interrupt them. So, they go off from their way to facilitate that, and there is the minuscule but noticeable pause that just sounds stupid for the spectator. It’s even worse when there is no other character to interrupt, just one person abandoning a sentence – but they have long ago known they will abandon it in the first place, oh my god, it doesn’t make sense. Sorry, I think I really didn’t like Mabel’s way of talking.

I mean, at first it was sort of incredible – I remember the impact it made on me when I finally heard Mabel’s voice! And she was so angry! She was angry at Anna for switching places without asking her if she even wants that, and she didn’t fit in the real world acutely, and she has had a lot of pretensions and grievances. She was yelling a lot and hitting things. It was awesome. And then, sadly, it all lost the impact, because I then started noticing everything that I listed above and all this became just a baseline communication for her, and nothing had the time to reverberate. Her appearance was the best and the worst that could happen, because it could be executed so well, but instead has basically destroyed the formula of the show that seduced me in the first place.

And the formula was this – one sided relation from events we don’t know if they are actually happening, or if it’s a portrait of a person losing herself and going insane. The distortions instead of voices when the worlds were colliding and the other world and its inhabitants were communicating was absolutely selling that ambiguity. It was providing a certain foundation to Anna’s self-doubt if she isn’t going insane, and at the same time giving us the structure of the narrative that we’re familiar with, because we’ve been (I was, in Central Eastern Europe) raised on it. It was (and is, I stand by it) an amazing choice for showing an encounter with the Other, with strangeness that the modern world (and its recording devices) is not equipped to handle, and the heroes are barely able to as well. I do believe the only way to scare us at all in the XXI century and the time of incredibly realistic special effects is to leave us guessing, because only then we’ll be able to scare ourselves. The theatricality will work out where the gore fails, and here it worked spectacularly. I still don’t know who exactly was speaking in which moments, if the house was speaking at all, if it was maybe Luna Thorn or the King. Who the fuck knows, and what a delight it is.

But the story started to fall apart, as I said, when we finally had both girls actually talking to each other, and then them speaking of the other as if she was not theoretically right next to her. In the exact manner as when they were apart, divided by the veil between the real world and the fairy kingdom. The distance disappeared, we got both points of view, and that should be the moment of losing the gravity, and I think it would kind of saved the show. Unfortunately, I say as a mantra here, even though the attempts were made – bravo for Anna, expressing her desire for Mabel to just fucking talk to her like a normal person and to co-exist, be in the same spacetime. To which we got a counterargument that oh, of bloody course Anna wants normalcy because that’s her fetish, and Mabel is not normal because she’s barely human and did even Anna love her all this time, can she love her after confronting that otherness of Mabel? Aaand there it went. I mean, it does make narrative sense a lot, but it also prevents from riding out the narrative high C, and so we are still listening to an equivalent of ten hour version of the last phrase from the Phantom of the Opera theme song.

The romance starts showing its imperfections, and normally it would be good, because it would lead us to the protagonists deepening the connection, going from the abstract, ideative one, to one forged in the fire of just being in near proximity, and in situations where they are supposed to work out compromises to rely on each other, instead of making decisions for the other and expecting gratitude. At the point which I listened to last, they confronted that issue, but didn’t seem like it was going anywhere (yet?). Which leads me to a point, that I will probably listen to at least a couple more episodes, both because I sort of want to give it a chance and to know how it will unfold, and also because I have another upcoming journey and what you expect me to be doing on a train?

Yeah, that’s about that. Gods, what the hell, I had no idea I would write this much. There might be several grammatical mistakes in this meta, because I am not a native speaker and there is no way I am going to go over 2k of words that nobody may even read, and I should seriously be going back to what I should be doing instead of this. Though I admit, right now I will try to go to the gym, because I am highly caffeinated (have you noticed???) and I, like, cannot really do caffeine. At all. Why did I do that? Oh yeah, I had to because I was working on some stuff before. Oh gods, how will I even fall asleep today.

#mabel podcast #meta #to whomstever it may concern: i am so sorry i drank this yerba mate based drink i will be punished by my own system anyway

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alexthetrashyracoon · 5 years

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Welcome Back, Pinetree

Chapter : 1 / ???

"How exactly did you imagine that, Dipper? We can't separate! We are the Mystery twins," Mabel exclaimed angrily and ran up and down in their shared room. "Mabel, but you want to...", Dipper started, but his sister interrupted him immediately. "What I want doesn't matter, Dipdop! What you want doesn't matter! What we want counts. Wasn't it always like that? We against the rest of the world", Mabel asked and looked at him with her huge eyes. Dipper hated it when she did this. Then he could never refuse her a wish. "Mabel, it would only be three years. And it wouldn't be like we couldn't see each other anymore," Dipper tried to calm his sister. "No! You would have no more time for me, because then you would constantly hang out with your nerd friends", tears rose to her eyes. Dipper would have loved to start chewing on something, but he tried for years not to follow this terrible habit anymore. "Mabel, you will always be my number one. I promise you that. Come on Mabel, mystery twin promise," Dipper reached out to his twin. But she turned her back on him and began to sob. "Mabel, that's really unfair..." Dipper muttered. "It's unfair that you leave me alone", she sniffed. "I... Mabel, I would never leave you alone. How could I leave you alone?" Dipper asked and got up from his bed. Carefully he went over to Mabel's side of the room. "Mabel, you always wanted to go to this funny designer school. And now is your chance! Mum and Dad made it possible for you. You can make pig fashion like you've always wanted." "But not with you..." sobbed Mabel. Dipper took off his cap and scratched the back of his head. "Mabel... Sometimes... Oh man, Mabel, don't make it harder for me than this farewell already is," he whispered and stared at his twin. She turned around to him again. Her light make-up, was smeared and she looked like a little panda. Mabel's long brown hair was tied together in a loose bun, single strands fell into her face, making her look even sadder than she already was. Dipper suppressed a groan. Mabel chewed on her lip. You could see she didn't know what to do. "Watch out for Mabel, I promise you something. We will Skype every weekend, really every weekend. And I'll write you every evening a detailed report on what happened during the day. And during the holidays we take turns. Sometimes you come to me and sometimes I come to you," Dipper tried to find a compromise. "Every day", Mabel wiped her nose with her flashing sweater. "Every day," Dipper promised with a smile. "But the same goes for you. Every day and every weekend." he quickly added.

In the end, Mabel had agreed. Relief spread to Dipper. Of course, it was also terribly difficult for him to leave Mabel. But they would soon turn 18 and soon it was time for them to leave the nest, as his great uncle Stan always said. Her parents were of the same opinion, too. They could not spend the rest of their lives together. They had to go out into the wide world and meet new people. Further education. To live their lives. But it was easier said than done. Especially when, like Dipper and Mabel, you had spent your whole life together. Their parents didn't understand this relationship. Mabel was Dipper's best friend, just like Dipper was Mabel's best friend. They had had their greatest adventures together. Great-Uncle Stan and Great-Uncle Ford were supposed to understand them best and not try to separate the two siblings every time.

Sighing, Dipper packed the last remnants of his clothes into the suitcase, then closed the zipper. "You're already driving...?" he heard his sister behind him. Dipper turned around and saw Mabel standing in the door frame. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest. "On Saturday. Stan and Ford were waiting for me," Dipper explained. "Okay...," Mabel whispered and again Dipper could see tears in her corner of her eye. "Hey, don't cry. We made a promise, didn't we?" he smiled encouragingly. "Right," she nodded and the tears were gone again. "You see. And now, how about I invite you over for an ice cream," Dipper grinned. "As many bullets as I want," Mabel breathed reverently. Dipper already regretted this answer, but nodded anyway. Immediately Mabel jumped for joy.

Shaking his head, he followed her out to his car. For their 17th birthday, their dad had financed their two driving licenses. Because you never knew when you needed a car to quote his words. However, Mabel had refused this gift, because it was enough if one of the two could drive. And since the two had firmly assumed that they would never part, it was a done deal. So Dipper had made his driver's license and Mabel had spent her money on funny printed fabrics.

"Honestly, I'm already very excited," Mabel jumped around in her seat. "Mabel, stay seated, otherwise you'll distract me and then we'll drive into a tree," Mouthed Dipper, concentrating on the road, which was once again extremely busy today. It was nice weather, many of the inhabitants went to the local swimming pool or the lake of Piedmont to lie in the sun or to cool down. Dipper was afraid of the snake at the ice cream parlour he had planned for. "But Dipping Sauce! I can finally make fashion for waddles," Mabel exclaimed excitedly, picking out a box of lozenges from her trouser pocket. Dipper was only able to guess how long these things had been in there. This summer Mabel hadn't worn these pants yet, that much was for sure. She threw one of the sweets into her mouth and then started humming the melody of her favorite song. "Just turn on the song," Dipper grumbled. "You sound like Grunkle Stan already," laughed Mabel and switched on the radio. Then she switched to the CD player and already 'Disco Girl' from BABBA roared out of the speakers. Sighing, Dipper shook her head, but remained mute. Mabel danced like crazy to the music. Well, she didn't have much freedom of movement, but somehow she managed to perform exotic movements. Dipper could only hope that his sister would not break bones or pull other injuries. Or even worse, destroyed his car.

After Dipper found a parking lot that wasn't in the midday sun, Mabel jumped out of the car before Dipper had turned it off and ran away. Sighing, Dipper looked after her and dropped his head on the steering wheel. A loud horn sounded and frightened a family passing his car. Dipper made himself as small as he could. Then he switched off the car and got out as well. There was no trace of Mabel. "Sometimes...," he murmured, pocketing the keys and shouldering his bag.

He ran across the parking lot until he discovered Mabel. She stood at a small stall and looked at the flowers the old man exhibited. She turned to him and smiled broadly. Then she waved at him. Smiling, he went to her, "Dipper, which flowers should I take? The white ones or the blue ones," she asked when he arrived at her. "The white ones," he shrugged his shoulders. "You didn't even look. You saw that too, didn't you?" Mabel asked the man excitedly. Dipper twisted his eyes, then he looked at the flowers. "The white ones. And I looked. Now stop bothering the poor man, take the flowers and let's go for ice cream." "Dipper you are boring. What do they say, which one should I take?" Mabel asked and smiled at the old man. He tilted his head. "As your friend said, they take the whites," he smiled. Dipper and Mabel stared at him with open mouths. "That.... That's not...", stuttered Mabel. "We... Oh heaven! That's my sister," hissed Dipper. The old man just laughed, then handed Mabel the flowers. "I give them to you, young lady. As an apology." Mabel took the flowers. "Thank you very much," she smiled.

Finally they had made it to the city center. It had never taken them so long to get there. So many people could not be on the way in this weather. Dipper wanted to chew on something. He did not like these large crowds. They made him nervous. The last time he faced a large crowd, they had all been stacked into a huge stone throne. Nervously, Dipper's eye twitched at the thought of the Fearamid and their owners. "All well?" Mabel asked worriedly. "I was just thinking about the summer when we were 12.", Dipper muttered. "Hey, Brobro! Don't panic. Don't think about it anymore. Bill is history," she cheered him up. Dipper nodded. Easier said than done. Bill Cipher had taken over his body and not hers. Bill Cipher had almost killed him and not her. "Look, the ice cream parlour is empty! Let's go before it gets full," Mabel exclaimed and pulled him behind him. Stumbling, Dipper followed her and the dark memories of her childhood were forgotten.

Dipper knew he should regret the decision to promise Mabel as many scoops of ice cream as she wanted. His wallet certainly didn't thank him after it was $10 empty. After Mabel proudly marched her six scoops of ice cream out of the ice cream parlour, Dipper followed her out with his two scoops. Sadly, he stroked the empty purse. "Let's go window shopping," Mabel grinned at him. "Why?" asked Dipper. "Just so. Why does everything always have to have a reason with you," she raised him. Dipper twisted her eyes. Not everything had a reason with him. Sometimes he also did things because he felt like it and not because he had a reason for it.

Again she dragged him behind her as if he were a dog. "Mabel, I can walk alone. And besides, your ice is melting," Dipper ripped his arm out of her grip. "What? Oh dear," Mabel moaned and started licking the paper cup cleanly. "Mabel," Dipper scolded. Why couldn't his sister even behave in public? He went on with a bright red head. "Wait for me," she shouted after him, but Dipper simply went on.

"That would be something for you or not," Mabel asked and plucked his shirt. Dipper looked up and immediately recognized what Mabel meant. It was a vest with a huge tree printed on its back. "No. Not in life. My cap is enough for me," he said and straightened this one, "But Dipdop! That is your trademark," Mabel shouted indignantly. "So what? I already wear it on my head. That should be enough," Dipper said with folded arms. Mabel looked at him again with those huge, sad eyes. "Ahh.... Mabel, you're killing me. I won't buy them," Dipper remained steadfast. "But if I buy them for you, you can't say no. Here, hold this, I'll be right back," Mabel shouted before she flew into the store. Sighing, Dipper looked after her.

Half an hour passed before his sister came back. The worst part, however, was that she not only held one bag in her hand, but four. "Do I want to know?" he asked carefully. "No," grinned his sister broadly. "All right," he muttered and eyed the bags one last time. "Well, besides the vest I bought two trousers, three shirts and two sweatshirts. You clearly don't have enough clothes. How will you manage with just one suitcase, three years?" Mabel asked with a grin. "You have... Mabel you... sometimes I really wonder how it can be that you're not broke all the time," Dipper said. "But thank you. "Not for that, little brother," grinned Mabel. Dipper twisted his eyes. When they were 12, Mabel was bigger than him. But that had changed when they turned 16. Now Dipper was bigger than Mabel. But that didn't stop his sister from still calling him that.

"Do we want to go back slowly? I wanted to pack some more things," said Dipper. "Already? It was just getting so funny," sulked Mabel. "Come on, Mabel, we still have three days left to do funny things," Dipper suggested. "She asked and stroked one of the loose strands from her face. "How would it be with... We could go to the lake to our common, secret place. Or we could go to the viewpoint tomorrow night. There's a shooting star shower," Dipper suggested. Mabel was immediately thrilled.

When they arrived home, they were greeted by their parents. It was a rare event that the whole Pines family sat at one table and mostly it never meant anything good. "Hey Mum! Hey Dad," Mabel greeted her parents. "Hello Mabel. How about your day?" asked her mother. "Funny. Dipper gave me six scoops of ice cream," Mabel beamed. "Mason, you shouldn't always spend so much money," his father rebuked him. "What? But... I'm sorry," he muttered and buried his hands in his trouser pockets. Every time he spent money he got in trouble. Mabel never. Sometimes Dipper was sure that his parents loved Mabel much more than him. "Sit down, we have something important to tell you," his father said and finally put the newspaper aside. That was also a point that disturbed Dipper. His father never looked at him when he scolded him. As if Dipper and his 'infamous deeds' were only a trifle that had to be punished but not heeded. With Mabel it was different. She was looked at by her parents.

Slowly the twins sat down at the table. Her parents looked at her seriously. "We will leave tomorrow morning. Some friends invited us to spend our holidays with them. That is why you will also leave tomorrow morning. Your great-uncles are ready to go.And your school, too," his dad said. "What? But... I thought Dipper wouldn't leave until Saturday," Mabel shouted indignantly. Dipper couldn't believe his ears. Had he understood his father correctly? He should separate earlier than necessary from his sister? "No 'but'. You are old enough. That's why it would be better now if you pack your bags, Mabel. Then we can leave tomorrow morning on time at 6 o'clock. Your plane takes off an hour later. And you'll most probably be driving, Mason," his father asked. Dipper bit his lip and just nodded silently. Then he got up, grabbed Mabel's wrist and dragged her up to her room.

"They can't do that," Mabel shouted. "You can see that. They can do it,' Dipper said listlessly. He didn't want to say goodbye to his sister yet. He wanted to spend more time with her. His parents were not allowed to do that to them. "Dipper! We can't let them separate us sooner than necessary," Mabel stretched out his arms and stared at him. "Mabel, what should we do? They are our parents and if they think they have to tear us apart early, then they do. Now don't complain, pack your things," Dipper said. Mabel stared at him in horror. She crossed her arms in front of her chest: "You are... You really are the very last Dipper," she sobbed and threw herself on her bed, only to cry into her pillow. "Mabel. I'm sorry. I don't think this decision is great either. I wanted to go to the lake with you tomorrow and watch shooting stars in the evening. I want to spend so much time with you. But you know our parents. They will not deviate from their opinion," Dipper explained. "That is unfair...", Mabel had got hiccups. And again she looked like a panda. "Of course it's unfair," he agreed with her. "I really wish our time together would never end," whispered Mabel and pressed her pink pillow against her chest. "Watch what you wish for..." muttered Dipper. Mabel stared at him. "It... Oh God Dipper, I'm terribly sorry," she shouted, threw the pillow off and stumbled over her cuddly toys to him. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed Dipper against her. "It's all right. Mabel, that's all right," Dipper smiled.

That night Dipper dreamt terribly badly for the first time. He was used to dreaming badly, of course, at least the things he had experienced in Gravity Falls were still following him now. 5 years, 4 therapists and countless sleepless nights later and he was still afraid of a dream demon they had defeated 5 years ago. Dipper would never get away from Bill Cipher. Still, this monster held him in his claws. Dipper would never be free.

Dipper woke up around 4 o'clock. Bathed in sweat and wheezing. He stared into the dark room and buried his hands deep in his blanket. How he would love to finally stop having these terrible nightmares. He didn't want to think about what Bill had done to him, his family and Gravity Falls. He certainly didn't want to think about what Bill would have done if he could have broken the force field and plunged the entire world into total chaos. "Dipdop," Mabel whispered in the darkness. "Hey..." Dipper murmured and stroked his face. "Is everything okay?" she asked quietly. "Yes... Yes, of course," he nodded and knew that Mabel couldn't see his nod anyway. "Can I come over? Somehow... I feel lonely," his sister muttered. "Sure..." Dipper replied and moved closer to the wall.

Not a minute later the mattress sank and Mabel lay next to him. "What if people at the designer school don't like me," asked Mabel. "How can you not be liked", Dipper asked and pressed her hand. "After all, you were always the cooler twin." "But you were the cooler Dipper. You always knew a solution, no matter what the problem," said Mabel. "That's not true. Many situations I could solve only thanks to your genius. Like the secret about Quentin Trembley and the cheater Nathaniel Northwest," Dipper said. Mabel giggled next to him. "I made a ship's hat out of the paper and we found the map with it." Dipper smiled. "You see? Without you I would have been lost. Or when we fought Gideon and almost fell into the abyss, but you magically saved us with your grappling hook. Mabel, people will not like you, they will love you and celebrate you. You'll find friends everywhere," Dipper said. That was the truth. Mabel has always been better at making contacts than he is. He preferred to hide under books. "And you'll find nerd friends everywhere," laughed Mabel. "Absolutely," Dipper nodded.

Half an hour later, it was 5 o'clock in the morning, his father opened the door to her room. "Getting up her sleepyheads. We leave in half an hour. Get Mabel's things in the car, get ready and then we'll leave," his father grumbled and thundered the door shut again. Sighing, Dipper and Mabel got up.

After everything was packed, they got ready and had breakfast, they stood in the now empty room and stared at each other. Tears shimmered in both their eyes. "Well... that was it, then?" Dipper asked. "That was it then, I guess," nodded Mabel. There was this strange silence between the two. From below they heard their parents walking through the house looking for some important things. "Dipper... I..." Mabel began. "Don't say it. It's not goodbye forever. Think about our promise. Every day a report and every weekend Skype. And we also spend the holidays together," Dipper grinned and raised his arms. "And now come. One last embarrassing sibling hug." "Embarrassing sibling hug," Mabel laughed and wrapped her arms around his upper body.

A few minutes later they stood in the front yard and stared up at the window behind which they had lived less than five minutes ago. "Call me when you arrive," said Mabel. "Holy promise," said Dipper. "Say hello to everyone for me," Mabel smiled and stroked her hair from her face. "I'll definitely do it," Dipper nodded. "Good. And take good care of Waddles," Mabel looked at him badly. "Of course I take good care of waddles," laughed Dipper. "Come now, Mabel," his mother shouted. "Come on! Please take care of yourself. And if anything happens, no matter what, call me! I'll always have time for you," Mabel shouted before she turned her back on him and ran to her father's car. Dipper stopped a few minutes longer and watched the car driving away before he turned himself towards his car and got in.

There was nothing on the radio, so he switched to the CD player. BABBA ran again. Smiling, he listened to the song and sang along at full throats. Only Mabel knew of his secret passion for this Icelandic 70s band. He would never admit that he knew all the songs of BABBA.

So it happened that the whole trip to Gravity Falls 'Disco Girl' was in a continuous loop. When he left the Gravity Falls welcome sign behind, he switched to a less embarrassing band.

Relief spread through him. Finally he was back again. Back in his home. Back in Gravity Falls.

To read more AO3.com

#gravity falls #dipper pines #bill cipher

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minijenn · 6 years

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Worthless Endeavors

For the fifth time in a row this week, Steven was having trouble sleeping. No matter how many sheep he counted or glasses of milk he drank, he just couldn’t find a way to put himself under. However, it wasn’t like the young Gem was in an uncomfortable position. His bed was as soft as ever, the sheets had been freshly washed, and his pillows were fluffed up to the extreme. Steven had even requested Lion to sleep on his bed to act as a sort of cuddle buddy, much to the feline’s obvious annoyance. No, Steven’s body was perfectly comfortable and ready for the night’s embrace. His mind, however, was far from such a blissful state.

I wasn’t unusual for stress to plague Steven’s mind on the daily basis. Being the son of a galactic war criminal and constantly under the threat of aliens and demons would logically do that to a boy. But despite all of that, Steven was still miraculously able to push all of that to the back of his head and continued to wear a bright smile. However, it was harder and harder to wear that smile whenever he looked at that prosthetic arm attached to Dipper. That arm was a constant reminder to the young Gem how much he had failed when he was taken out into space. He thought that willingly giving himself to Homeworld would finally solve the intergalactic feud and maybe even give the Diamonds some closure. That idea went null when the twins decided to come along with him and was made even worse when Dipper didn’t come back.

By that point, the Young Gem thought it couldn’t get any worse, but even that change when Dipper miraculously came back, only to be brainwashed and hellbent on killing him. And even though both him and Mabel were miraculously able to snap Dipper out of it, he still had the feeling that something was seriously wrong. Dipper had been distant with him as of late, and barely even communicated with the young Gem. Steven had tried talking to Mabel about this, but even she was in the dark about what was going on with her brother. This was the main concern that kept Steven up these past few nights, and he had no idea when it would end.

“Lion, can I ask you something?” he quietly asked. The pink feline gave a small yawn and slowly opened his eyes. As usual, the pink beast looked apathetic to the young Gem’s plight, but he decided to continue on. “It’s just…Do you ever have that feeling that even though everything seems fine, but deep down you know something’s very wrong? That’s how I’ve been feeling since Dipper finally came back to us.” Lion gave a small groan at the mention of the boy. “I know you’re not the biggest fan of Dipper, but just here me here.” The feline did finally raise his head a bit as he noticed his master’s growing worry. “Whenever I talk to him, he always tells me that he’s fine. But I really don’t think he is fine. He has this sad look in his eyes and he doesn’t have the same passion he had ever since…” The young Gem slowly trailed off as the dreaded memory came back into his mind. Nevertheless, he shook the thought out of his head and continued. “The real thing that’s really bothering me is…why won’t Dipper tell me something’s wrong? I’m his best friend, I’m supposed to be there for him whenever he’s hurt. How am I supposed to help him if he won’t talk to me?!” Steven’s mind began to delve into really dark places now. “Do you think he blames me for what happened to him? Do you think he doesn’t want to be around me anymore? What if he actually hates me now?! Do you think he hates me now?! What I am going to do to gain Dipper’s trust again? How am I supposed to face the Mabel or the Gems when my best friend hates me because I got him hurt?! How am I-“

The young Gem’s chain of questions came to any abrupt halt when he felt a large paw on his chest. He looked over too see that Lion was now at full attention of his master. Steven looked into his pet’s eyes to see genuine concern over his well-being. It was rather rare for Lion to show anything other than apathy towards the boy, so this was clearly a desperate measure. As he continued to look, Steven slowly began to realize what he was just saying and how ridiculous it really was. More likely than not, Dipper certainly didn’t hate him for what had transpired on Homeworld and was just recovering from his traumatic experience. Steven gently patted Lion’s head and gave him a soft smile. “You’re right Lion, I think I was just getting out of hand a little.” Lion put on a skeptical look at the young Gem’s claim. “Okay, I was getting a lot out of hand,” the boy admitted. “Thanks for snapping me out of it.” The pink beast let out a small purr as Steven slowly laid back down on the bed and looked to the ceiling. “Still, I really wish that Dipper would just talk to me about this. I really worry about him sometimes. I don’t know if don’t already know this Lion, but Dipper can sometimes tend to keep his emotions all bottled up. And that can really lead to some bad situations. All of this Stonemason stuff is really hurting Dipper emotionally, and he should really talk about it me…and everyone else of course. Do you have any ideas, Lion?”

Steven received his answer in the form of a soft snore for the pink feline. Steven looked over to see that Lion had snuggled against his side and had fully fallen asleep. Steven smiled at his pet and realized that perhaps he might be on to something. Right now, the young Gem needed to finally get a good night sleep, so that he can tackle this problem with a clear mind. If Steven really wanted to confront Dipper on this matter, he needed to have a clear mind. He certain didn’t want to cause his friend anymore stress, but this needed to be addressed. As the boy continued to think how to go about talking to Dipper, his eyelids soon began to feel heavy. Before Steven even knew, he had finally gotten the much needed sleep that had eluded to last few nights.

Only instead of much needed relief, the young Gem would receive something much, much worse.

Steven immediately knew something was wrong when he didn’t fell the familiar softness of Lion’s mane on his side. At first, he just assumed that the pink feline had got up and went to his usual sleeping area under the porch stairs. But this assumption was cut short as he noticed that he wasn’t laying down on his soft, warm bed. It seemed that the boy was laying down on a cold, glass-like surface instead. Steven slowly opened his eyes to find out what exactly was going on, but they went wide as saucers as he saw where he was. Instead of the ceiling of his cozy room, the young Gem stared up to vast infinity that was outer space. Millions of stars twinkled above Steven’s head as he quickly got to his feet. The confused boy hastily looked around to see that he was standing in the middle of a large, glowing platform floating in space. The young Gem instantly began to panic with the potential lack of oxygen, only to find that he had no issue breathing. With that potentially lethal question answered, Steven began to try and figure out where he was and how he had got there. His answer came in the form of a laugh. A laugh that was all to familiar to the boy.

“Oh, come along with me,” a voice began to sing from an unknown location. “And the butterflies and bees!” Steven’s stomach dropped when he began to recognize the voice singing to him. It was a nasally, somewhat sadistic voice that the young Gem was all too familiar with. It was a voice that had tormented him and his friends not too long ago. “We can wander through the forest, and do so as we please!” the voice continued to sing. In an instant, Steven summoned his shield and put up a defensive stance. He quickly scanned his surroundings for where the voice was coming from. No way he would get the jump on Steven, not this time. “Come along with me,” the voice continued. “To a cliff under a tree. We can gaze upon the water…” Steven was starting to get irritated by this annoying singing. Why won’t he just face him already? The boy’s internal question was answered as a sudden flash of light caused Steven to shield his eyes. When the young Gem looked back, he was finally face-to-face with the dream demon he thought had been defeated a year ago. “As an everlasting dream!” Bill Cipher finished his song with dramatic passion. “Aw come on, Rose Bud, you not impressed with my singing? Maybe you would’ve like it better if I started to break down sobbing in the middle like how you and those Crystal Chumps do it. But enough about me and my amazing sing, how’s it going, Rose Bud?! I heard you’ve pretty busy screwing up as of late, right?!”

Steven wasted no time in raising his shield up against the dream demon. “You stay away, Bill! I’m not like last year. I know exactly what you are and how dangerous you can be! You’re not going to trick me or Dipper again, so you can just back off!” Bill looked rather unimpressed with the young Gem’s bout of courage as he reached out to the pink shield and gave it a tiny flick. Almost immediately, the shield shattered into sparkly glitter and gently fell to the young Gem’s feet. Steven could only look with awe as his main line of defense was completely obliterated in an instant and then looked up to the demon again. “Oh man,” the triangle said, trying to suppress his laughter. “Now that’s a LOTTA DAMAGE! Good luck trying to put that over-decorated trash lid back together with duct tape!”

Instead of continuing to entertain with his frustrations, Steven decided to just cut to the chase. “Why are you even here? Can’t you just let me get some sleep?” The young Gem wasn’t exactly sure why he had asked such a question to Bill Cipher of all beings. He knew that the dream demon was dedicated to making his life miserable. Memories of the horrendous acts the demon had done to him and Dipper sent a shiver up his spine. Just the mere thought of Bill Cipher caused Steven to almost have a small panic attack and almost made him want to just hide away from the world. It was a weakness that Steven didn’t like to admit he had and tried he could to try and hide it from his friends and family.

Bill had ceased his laughter so that he could answer the boy’s question. “Come on, kid, sleep is for the weak! You handle the day best when you’re panicked and stressed, that’s obvious! But to answer your former question, I noticed that you’ve been crying over your self-esteem, well, more than usual that is! That’s what I like about you, Rose Bud, you always think that you’re just a piece of garbage! It’s nice when some people finally decide to admit it!” Steven told this moment to back away from the rambling demon, just in case the demon decided to launch a surprise attack. “So, decided that your good pal, Bill, should stop by and remind how much of a screw up you are. Just to really drive it home!” The young Gem’s fists clenched at his sides at the triangles insults to his character. He may have lost his shield, but that didn’t mean Steven would just stand idlily by and let the demon humiliate him.

“I am NOT a screw up,” the young Gem yelled at the demon. “Sure, I make a mistake once and a while, but I do a lot more good than bad. I help the Gems protect the Earth, I was able to save Dipper from Homeworld, and I stopped you from take over the universe!” Bill gave the Gem a dark stare, a stare that me his back shiver and almost made Steven regret speaking up against the petty demon. “You know Rose Bud,” Bill spoke in a dead serious tone. “I wouldn’t suggest bring that last detail up with me. Because whenever I think about how my well-deserved victory was taken away from me that one year ago, I get ROYALLY PISSED OFF!” The demon’s voice boomed as grew several times his size. His yellowed body turned into a dark crimson and his eye became a single black hole of hate. Steven was immediately startled and fell backward onto his back. The young Gem was relieved when Bill decide to revert back to his original form and straightened out his bowtie. “But I’m above things like that. So instead, I’ll go ahead and prove to you that your whole existence is nothing more than a burden that cause more harm than good! How about we start with Pine Tree, or as I call him nowadays, Half Pine! See, it’s funny because he’s half the meatsack he used to be!”

Steven immediately stood again; ready to take another stance against the dream demon. The boy could take a lot of punishment from the demented triangle but talking bad about his best friend struck a nerve within him. “I’m not falling for it, Bill! I know that I saved Dipper from Stonemason. I know I left him behind on Homeworld, and I already feel terrible about it! Dipper got hurt and lost a part of him because I…wasn’t strong enough. I know I messed up, but I fixed it! Me and Mabel saved Dipper from all of that, and I’m proud of it! You can’t convince me otherwise!”

Bill decided to let the young Gem finish his little tangent before he started to burst out laughing again. “Oh man, Rosebud, I knew you were dumb but come on! Do you honestly think that you actually saved Half Pine from this mess?! Sorry to burst your pink, girly bubble but Half Pine still has that killer instinct deep in that head of his. Hell, it wouldn’t really surprise me if Half Pine turned psycho assassin just like that!” The dream demon gave a sharp snap of his fingers and Steven immediately went rigid. The boy felt a cold, blade press up against his neck, immediately recognizing it as the horrid, yellow that Stonemason had wielded against. Though he still didn’t the Homeworld assassin himself, he still didn’t dare to move in fear of suddenly slitting his throat. “Ha, oh you should see the look on your face right now, Rosebud. I totally need to save this!” The demon quickly floated next to the frighten Gem and put his black arm around his shoulder. Bill then summoned a smartphone out of nowhere and snapped a selfie of the two of them, blade included.

Once the demon had gotten his desired picture and floated away, the blade under the boy’s neck disappeared into nothingness. Steven let out a sigh of a relief as he was now out of immediate danger, for now at least. “This will make for a nice home wallpaper. So, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, we were talking about Half Pine! Well I’m bored of talking about him, so let’s move on to the other people lives you’ve ruined. Mainly, those Crystal Chumps that have to deal with you.” Steven was about to counter the demon on this accusation, but Bill quickly stopped him. “Hold it right there, Rosebud. Don’t even lecture me about how those Crystal Chumps ‘care about you’ and ‘would die for you’, because we both know that a load of hot trash. Did you just forget about that time back in the day where they made a deal with me to stop from ever existing?! Here, I have the transcript of that that magical night right here!”

Bill then summoned up a sizeable stack of papers and threw them in the air above the young Gem. Though most of the pages rained down to the floor, Steven was still able to catch a few of the page out of the air. He glanced over them, reading over the events that the Gems had told him and the twins last summer. Though Steven had made inner peace with what the Gems had did that dreadful night, his heart still sank as he looked at the transcript, describing how the Gems made the deal with the dream demon and their varying motivations on why. “Yeah, that thing is like twenty-five pages, believe it or not! I guess I like to go into detail with character suffering and torment in my writing, sort of like another angsty writer I know!” Steven hardly paid attention to the demon, as he was too engrossed with the pages right in front of him. “They…they told me why, but…” The young Gem would be lying if he said that what the Gems did still bothered him to this day. Was Rose really that important to them that they would wish away his existence when given the chance?

“Trust me, kid, I was surprised too how fast they took the deal. They must have REALLY wanted you out of the picture!” the demon taunted the boy, who was on the verge of tears. “But I’m not done yet, Rosebud! I think it’s time we bring up the person that you let down the most! Can you take a guess? Here let me give you a visual aid!” With another snap of the demon’s fingers, Steven felt a hand land on his shoulder. The boy slowly began to look behind him, scared to see what horror the demon had summoned up this time. As he finished turning his head, Steven’s eyes went wide as he looked up to the figure behind him. The smooth, white skin and bright, curly pink hair were a dead giveaway that it was none other than Rose Quartz standing right there. “M-Mom?! What are you doing he-“ Before the young Gem could finish, the pink Gem suddenly grabbed him by the neck and held him to eye level. Tried his best to struggle his way out, but it seemed like his mother’s grip only got tighter and tighter. Amidst his panic, Steven was able to get a good look into Rose’s eyes and went pale at what he saw. They were glowing a sickly yellow hue and there were black lines where circular pupils were supposed to be. As if that wasn’t terrifying enough, her eyes were full of piercing rage and scorn that seem to pierce through the young Gem’s heart.

“Boy, Rosebud,” Bill taunted as he floated behind the pink Gem. “It looks like Quartzy is mad AND disappointed with you! Bet you’re wondering why, huh? Well, let me put it this way without dropping a few spoilers on ya! You see Rosebud, Quartzy sacrificed a whole lot for this crummy planet. And when I say a lot, I mean a WHOLE LOT! She gave up everything so that she could protect her dumb friends and this dumb heap of dirt. But then YOU go along and just turn yourself in to those Homeworld mooks like all of that sacrifice meant nothing! Sure, you made them promise to not hurt the Earth or those Crystal Chums once they had you, but let’s be real here! The minute they crushed your Gem into sparkly glitter, Yellow and Blue would’ve immediately went to Earth and wiped that eyesore off the star map. All of those thousands of years of loss and sacrifice, wasted over your dumb decision to ‘protect’ your friends. If I were Quartzy, I’d be pretty pissed off at the dumbass who did that!”

Steven was left speechless at what the dream demon had just told him. While turning himself over to Homeworld was the smartest decision he ever made, deep down he still liked to think that what he did was a brave, noble action to protect the ones he loved. But with how Bill put it, it sounded like he was only thinking about himself. “I-I only wanted to protect everybody. I didn’t mean to…make things worse.” Steven said, trying to defend his actions. But even he didn’t believe what he was saying, and neither was Rose based off the anger still in her eyes. “Aw, quit your crying, Rosebud,” Bill intervened. “Because I’m here to help get rid of all of that doubt and worry! I just need a little something from you!” The demon lowered his hand and started to tap at the boy’s gemstone. The young Gem became alarmed at the demon’s request, remembering very well how the triangle was so deadest on claiming his gem. “I’m not giving you my gem, Bill! You’ll never take it from me!” Bill just laughed at the boy’s outburst. “Oh don’t worry, kid! I’m not gonna rip your gem out of your gut!” the dream demon said as he floated away from him. “Quarty’s gonna do that for me!”

The boy’s fear was reignited as looked over to Rose again to see that she had her sword in her hand, pointed directly at his stomach. Steven began to struggle even harder to try and escape the pink Gem’s grasp, but she was too strong and still held him tightly in place. “Yeah, I thought it would be more appropriate if Quartzy here did the honors here since you were the one that almost screwed up her plans! Plus, I’d hate to get my hands all bloody, gotta be a little bit hygienic, you know? Let this be a lesson to you, Rosebud: I ALWAYS get what I’m owed!” The triangle then pulled out a bucket of popcorn and continued. “Alright, you can go ahead now, Quartzy! Remember to cut really deep in there!” The pink Gem gave a dark grin as she pulled her arm back to get ready to plunge the blade deep in her son’s stomach. Steven could only give a pleading look to his mother to not go through with this horrendous act, but all he received was the same look of anger in his mother’s eyes. The young Gem let out a scream as Rose’s blade began to move toward him.

Steven woke up to the sound of his own screams and a mighty roar from Lion. The boy immediately shot up from his bed and was on the verge of hyperventilating. After a quick scan of the room, it looked like he was back in the safety of his room. He then looked over to Lion, who had a concerned look in his eyes for his master. Steven then realize that it must have been Lion who woke him up from his night terror. After taking a moment to calm down a bit, Steven rushed over to embrace the pink feline. “Oh Lion! Thank you, thank you so much for waking me up!” The pink beast gave a content purr from his master’s gratitude to him. “Bill came to me,” Steven continued. “He made Mom almost stab me and cut out my gem! I-I was so scared! I thought I was going to lose my gem! I…” The boy went silent as he began to remember what the dream demon had told him. From how he didn’t actually saved Dipper from Stonemason, to how he almost ruined what his mother had fought and sacrifice so much for. Steven buried his face deeper in Lion’s mane.

“I messed up really bad.”

#universe falls #sumbission #submission #FUCK #STEVEN IS A SWEET BOYO WHO DESERVES NONE OF THIS AND BILL CAN GO FUCK RIGHT OFF #ALSO #YA THROWIN A LOT OF SHADE WITH THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK BLAZER #I LOVE IT THO #WHOLE THING WAS DAMN GOOD #uf fan art #uf 3 year anniversary extravaganza #character week #blazer's oneshots

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autumn-pines · 6 years

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Blank State-Chapter 2: Dipper

Chapter 1

Before...

Switching. Danger.

A handshake.

Laughter.

Unlike the girl, the boy wasn't saying anything. And even though he was quiet, he looked just as upset as the other child. He was simply staring at you with a depressed, knowing face, while rubbing his arm, like he was unsure what to do.

And when the girl is on her knees, crying, the boy puts on one hand on her shoulders while the other goes up to pull down his cap, partially hiding his face.

But even from where you were, you could see something shining on what was visible.

And maybe, there was a hitched sob.

"We saved the world, but what's the point? Grunkle Stan's not himself anymore." The boy mutters, scuffing at the ground with his foot.

He looks like despair is starting to grip him, the same going for the rest of the people.

However, after the girl finds the scrapbook, he walks over to the right side of the chair, perching himself up on the arm.

"That time we went fishing?" He breaks in, sounding cautiously hopeful. Or desperate. "That Summerween we spent together? Don't you remember anything?"

You don't.

But then you do.

Something small. Only a name. But then it turns into two names. And now the boy is happily saying to keep going as you sit down, scootching closer when you do.

After the laughter, you gently reach over to rub your knuckles into the boy's head. He only lets out a wide grin, his expression near giddy, and punches your arm in return.

Afterwards, you are told that the boy and the girls are twins...

And that they are your great niece and nephew.

Which makes a part of you glow with giddiness and pride. Though you didn't admit that.

And like your niece, your nephew has his own quirks, too.

He's sort of an awkward child, with a cracking voice resulting from puberty and his tendency to burst into rants and then stutter off when he realizes what he just did.

However, you notice he is a little firecracker, too. Not so much the way Mabel is with her happiness, but more like a determined feisty kitten.

It didn't help that he sometimes sneezes like a kitten, too.

"I do not sound adorable!"

You also note that the child wears the same clothes everyday. Literally.

A red short-sleeved shirt, a blue vest, gray shorts, and his blue hat with a pine-tree on it.

You never bring it up, but you hope that he at least changes to another pair of the stuff he wears instead of keeping the same pair on.

He also sometimes carries a red book around and writes in it while chewing on the pen or clicking it relentlessly.

One time, you saw a golden six-fingered hand on the cover. You felt a pang of familiarity, something itch your mind, but when you tried to delve down into your memories, the feeling disappeared.

But a image of the elder man flashed.

Whenever there are scrapbook memory sessions, the boy is always there, correcting details and adding to them.

"Uh, Mabel, the zombies were not made out of pink putty."

"Oh, no. The wax guys actually meant to kill you."

Once, he tells how he went into your mind and saw a memory of yours that he will never forget.

"...And when I opened the door, you were saying that I was a loser, and weak. That you just wanted to get rid of me." The b-Dipper paused, studying the table, not meeting your eyes.

You wince, feeling like an absolute jerk. You open your mouth, about to apologize when the boy raised his hand.

"But when I listened more, it turned out you were only talking about your past experiences, and that you were just trying to help me get stronger so I could fight the world if things got tough." He finishes, finally looking up at you, smiling.

Then, with some hesitance, he slides off his chair and walks over to hug you. "Thanks, Grunkle Stan."

"...Eh, no problem, kiddo." You pat him on the back, feeling a lot lighter than just a few seconds ago. But then suddenly having less breath when your nephew decides to turn the hug into a playful chokehold.

He is a bit stronger than he looks, and you feel pride for him.

Dipper though, is also a bit jittery.

Once he asks for a dollar, and when you hand him a one-dollar bill, he glances at the back and drops it, watching it as it floated to the ground. He didn't move to pick it up but nor did he move away from it.

You gingerly put a hand on his shoulder, "You okay, kid?"

"I-I'm fine." He utters, starting to look a little scared. "C-Can I just have some quarters, please?"

Swiftly you offer the silver coins, and with a nod of gratitude, Dipper snatches the coins and speed-walks out of the room.

When you pick up the dollar, you scan it, trying to see what frightened him. There was nothing suspicious looking, except for the weird triangle thing with an eye on the left side...

...a cackle. Screams.

You leave the dollar on the counter.

Later that night, you had to your best to calm down a panic attack.

"Will he be okay?" Mabel frets from beside you. Earlier, she ran into you while you were heading to your room. Frantically, she brought you to their bedroom, where you found your nephew sitting on his bed, with arms wrapped tightly around his knees, breaths short and erratic.

You nod, putting your hands gingerly on Dipper's shoulders, causing for him to look up at you with wide, terrified eyes. You can feel your heart crack. "Alright, kid, deep breaths. Inhale...exhale..."

After about a minute, Dipper finally calms down. "S-Sorry," He mutters. "It was j-just a stupid nightmare."

You shake your head. "Hey, there's no such thing as a dumb nightmare. It's alright to be scared. Just uh, come get me if you need to, okay?"

Dipper smiles slightly, and nods. With his sister's help, the two go back to bed, and you can hear them chatter as you leave the room.

You had a feeling that the dollar-bill sparked this. But why, you don't know.

Sometime later, Dipper takes off his hat and shows you his birthmark, making you recall his real name, a hospital, and you holding two tiny babies. One that punched the doctor when she came out and the other already having something strange the day he was born.

You never have seen something so adorable.

So naturally you tried to hold them as long as possible.

That same day, the two of you go on a trek through the woods. Dipper saw something that he wants to check out, but since his sister and the other man were busy, he asked you to come with him.

"What are we looking for again?" You shove away a branch that just slapped you in the face.

"I don't know, actually." Dipper glances down at the notepad he brought along while holding the end of a pen to his mouth. "All I saw was a bunch of neon colors. It did kinda look reptilian, though. And I heard a screech type sound."

If you die because of this, it is 100% not going to be your fault.

"And what's your plan to track this?" You tighten your grip on your bat. You don't like going in blind, especially when you're with a child.

"Grunkle Stan, we've been following it's footsteps for the past six minutes." Dipper responds, sounding deadpanned.

You tilt your head downwards and realize that the two of you were walking on a trail of footsteps, with each one having four toes and what looked like claws. Huh. What an observant person you are.

You are preparing a snarky comeback when your nephew stops, perking up as if he spotted something. "Shhh," He hisses as he leans forward, carefully lowering a bush.

Ah, you see what he's looking at.

Just a few meters away, a tall, bright-colored...thing is standing on eight legs, sniffing at a tree. You guess it does appear similar to a reptile with it's scales and face structure. But there is something strange about it. Pure black covered the neck and head, making the rest of it's body stand out even more. And even from where you are standing you can see it has small red pupils.

That just flicked back and caught direct sight of you.

The thing lets out a purr and turns around, staring at you with a curious expression.

"Hey, kid." You whisper, not taking your eyes off it. "Do you think this thing is friendly?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Dipper mutters, writing and sketching on his notepad. "It might be. Like, I guess it did purr at us."

The creature then smiles.

It. Smiles.

Making it look a lot more creepy than it had a right to be, almost like a serial killer. It takes a step towards you, flexing it's sharp, hooked claws.

Oh boy.

"RRREEEEEEEEEEE!" The monster screams and charges.

Yup, that would be a no thanks to you.

You snatch your nephew around the waist and throw him over your shoulder before running as fast as you can without face planting into the ground.

There were a few times when you thought it would catch and brutally kill you both, but with Paul Bunyan's luck it get's lost somewhere behind you.

The two of you are covered with leaves and mud when you finally reach the Shack, and after you set your nephew down, you both burst out into hysterical laughter.

But then you remember being on a mist-covered mountain, letting some kids loose to destroy things, the slowest and most irritating sky-tram on earth, a spider lady that tried to eat you, and specifically you saying, "What do I look like, an amnesiac?"

You slap your forehead.

So far, your past was something, to say the least.

But the most important thing you recall, was Dipper smiling up at you, and saying sincerely.

"Hey, we're both losers."

After you tell the adventure the two of you had in the woods to the rest of the family, whose shocked faces making the event totally worth it, you go to the chair, feeling exhausted.

What you didn't expect was to feel something lay on your side.

When you look, you discover that Dipper was resting on you, already asleep. Without saying a word, you wrap an arm around him.

It was a pretty good day.

Your nephew is lots of things. Books that are scattered everywhere. Annoying and relentless pen clicking. Typical teenager awkwardness combined with eager curiosity. A constellation on Earth, in a spot least expected. A quiet type of happy, that shows itself in subtle ways. A secret name that only a few know.

A pine tree.

All that resulted in Dipper.

I always enjoy writing some Stan and Dipper bonding. They are such a stubborn pair.

Okay, the next chapter is Ford's! Which should be posted tomorrow, but don't worry if it doesn't. I'm a little busy right now, however the next chapter will probably be on schedule. Thanks for reading!

@stanuary

#Stanley Pines #Dipper Pines #Amnesiac Stan #Stanuary #stanuary 2018 #Gravity Falls #My Old Fic

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turnt-pages-blog · 6 years

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We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

“I was okay just a moment ago. I will learn to be okay again.”

Summary:

Marin has left every aspect of her old life behind: her friends, her belongings, and even the person she used to be. In fact, she flew across the country from California to New York just to escape it and no one knows why, not even her best friend Mabel. When her new college classmates all go home for the holidays, Marin expects to be alone until Mabel comes for a visit. To try to salvage their friendship and a part of the life she used to have, Marin must say what she had left unsaid for far too long.

Rating: 10/10

Read If You Liked: Everything Leads to You by Nina LaCour, The Probability of Miracles by Wendy Wunder

My Thoughts:

I haven’t had a book impact me as deeply and intensely as this one did in a long time. From the very first page I knew it was going to become one of my favorite books, and I was right. For the first time in my life, I felt completely understood; a feeling I haven’t even encountered from another human, let alone a book. Reading this felt like LaCour knew the most intimate and personal aspects of my life and my thoughts. It didn’t feel invasive though, but rather I felt a strong sense of comfort in knowing that I’m not alone. I experienced such a wide range of emotions reading this book. I felt understanding, I felt sadness, and I even felt genuine anger at Marin’s grandpa. At the end, I was sobbing both tears of joy and relief. I have immense respect for Nina LaCour for having written a book on a topic like this in such a beautiful and effective way. She’s always been one of my favorite authors, though recently I’d lost faith in her a bit. I was not impressed by the anthology contributions of hers that I had read, and I just couldn’t connect with You Know Me Well. But this book, solidified her in my mind as one of the best YA writers in the field right now because of how real she made the emotions of this story for me.

I saw myself in Marin so clearly that it brought tears to my eyes to read what she was going through. She was a girl that struggled with so much; with loss, with her sexuality, and with trying to be okay again. Although our stories are not the same, I felt like I was reading about myself with this character. I think that will be the same for many readers, as I think there are aspects of Marin that we all can relate to. I mean, she did what we all long to do sometimes. She’d had enough with her life and got on a bus and started over. Haven’t we all just wanted to disappear sometimes? Marin was a flawed, impulsive, closed-off, and, yet, beautiful character. Eventually she learned how to accept the struggles of life and ultimately, ended up with a second chance. If that’s not inspirational, if that doesn’t give you faith that you will be okay again, I don’t know what will.

Also, set during the holiday season, I managed to read this book at the perfect time. While it is not a happy subject matter by any means, it is a story of redemption and I didn’t feel depressed or weighed down by it at all. To me, this is a very warm and comforting book and one that I hope to come back to every holiday season. Obviously not everyone will feel the same way, but I still highly recommend it!

#bookreviews #nina lacour

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fingertipsmp3 · 7 months

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Okay look, I can’t get another dog. Not least because the people who were asking me if I’d be getting another dog within literally days or hours of Mabel’s passing would be right that it’d make me feel better

#like i actually think i deserve some type of award for not biting people’s heads off #SIX HOURS after i sat on the floor of the private room of a vet’s surgery sobbing my head off after my dog was pronounced dead; my friend’s #mom asked if i’d be getting another dog. EXCUSE FUCKING ME. she isn’t even cold yet #you are damn lucky i’m in your house and that i was raised to not cuss people out or start fistfights with them in their own houses #then my ex-coworker who i already don’t like very much asked me 48 hours later #i gave her a flat no. when she asked why i said ‘i don’t think that would be healthy; trying to push all my feelings for mabel onto a new #dog.’ this bitch had the temerity to say ‘oh but it makes it soooo much easier! tilly died on a wednesday and on saturday i bought [forgot #the name of the dog she got] home’ i said ‘i’m sorry but that’s fucking psychopathic’#but she didn’t hear me because my mentor who has witnessed me go off on people before coughed really loudly and said ‘SO’#and then her baby did something and the conversation ended #it’s fucked uuuuuuup girl. and what’s more is they’re not the only ones. my grandparents have asked. my neighbours have asked… i think they #were actually the first to ask. i think they asked the morning BEFORE mabel was put to sleep. like 2 hours before or something #i was like ‘she is quite literally still in the living room can i fucking think about one thing at a time please’#and the most fucked up thing? i really miss having a dog. i miss mabel most of all though. but i can’t shake the idea that getting a new dog #would help me. i found a group for patterdale and similar terriers that need homes desperately and it’s not a big group but it’s very active #and i see her in all of their little faces and i just sob my eyes out #i’ve followed beagle rescue for a long time as well and my mom donates there sometimes and i’m like. i think the sheer chaos of a rescue #beagle would actually fix me. but it’s like. i don’t even have her ashes back yet #i haven’t processed this yet. november is a horrible time to get a new dog. it is too dark and cold out to have a brand new restless doggy #and it’s also like. UGH. i can’t let those people feel vindicated i can’t do it #who ASKS somebody that. i’m gonna start being really fucking rude i swear to god #she was a member of the family not a fucking table that broke. if your best friend died would you go out and try to get a new one?#get fucking real #i wish mabel was still in my life and some of these people weren’t #i quite literally care(d) more about her than i do about most people. they don’t GET it #personal

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mythomagically-delicious · 7 years

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Siren Song

So on June 17th I realized I forgot to celebrate Stanley and Stanford’s birthday (June 15th) and that I would miss celebrating my first June 18th (Alex Hirsch’s birthday) as a fan of Gravity Falls in America. So I wrote out something in honor of the two days.

Siren Song

Stan has never told Ford what he hears when they’ve heard the siren’s call. (They’ve both heard it. Ford set the course on autopilot with an unchangeable time lock, then time lock bonded himself and Stan to the rails of the ship, where they could not escape to be dashed against the rocks and eaten, but still hear the call. Ford thought it important they both experience the call together, and Stan has a hard time saying no to as tame a scheme as that from his brother).

Ford was gushing about his visions as soon as they were released from the spell and in safer waters. He went on and on about how they showed you truth about yourself even you may not realize. He talked about how they peer into passerby’s souls and lures them to their sands to die by singing what they long for most to come true. Sometimes (according to myths) by showing you alternate paths your life could have taken. Or sometimes just showing more and better than what a sailor already has. If you examine it you can discover your weaknesses post spell-state, and understand fundamentally who you are, what you’re made of. (As well as get to steady the siren in-depth!)

Ford talked for three hours about all this and more before he finally asked Stan what the sirens sang to him.

Stan looked at Ford for a moment (a hard, searching look that was gone so quick, Ford thought he’d imagined it) and answered, “Nothing much.”

Ford was dumbfounded momentarily, but he regained his voice quickly. “What?! Stanley, come on, tell me what they said! This is an amazing opportunity to study how they’re able to tailor their songs to multiple individuals, even ones similar as us. I’m surprised they didn’t confuse our frequencies, actually, for…” and Ford got sidetracked on the theoretical likelihood of only half of a set of twins surviving a siren attack because of the way their bewitching works. Stan ignored almost all of it and started mending some nets on board. He was great with knots.

When Ford finally circled the conversation back to Stanley, Stan was prepared to resist nonchalantly.

“Come on, Stanley, talk about it.”

“What, am I not allowed at least four secrets left, Ford? Besides, who has time to figure themselves out fully? I’m good just skating by the next few years already knowing just enough to be alright. It’s worked so far.”

Ford brought up several counterpoints that Stan shot down, sometimes with words, usually with grunts, shrugs, and pointed looks. Finally Ford got fed up with his lack of cooperation and stalked off to make is own notes and observations about the experience. [and scientific-related queries]

Stan took to the deck to start plotting their next course. He tried not to think about all he’d seen and heard from the sirens, but it was no use. The song stuck to him. Their words had changed and rippled and layered over each other until all he could make out were key phrases that were sung together.

The less he tried to think about it, the stronger the memories became until they overwhelmed him again, and his mind was cast back to the whole affair.

You have much to regret You would rather forget Your brother loves you not He left your bones to rot

The pain is all too much Your pain is all too much Your fire dies and ashes rise Your true form comes forth

Rise and see Rise and see A world where you and he were separate, and happy

And visions came of Stan having a better life where Ford wasn’t in it, from childhood through to high school. Never being bullied, never being second best. Always well-liked, a natural athlete, top boxer, good enough grades to go to college. Getting married, having kids, having grandkids. Having a huge family that loves Stanley—not being forgotten, hurt, abandoned and crushed by the world the way he was.

Stan had shook his head, tears falling at this vision, shouting, “No, no, I want my brother too!”

And the sirens heard and changed their tune…

Rise and see Rise and see A world where everything was as it should be…?

A new vision had swept over Stan and he was relieved to see Stanford there. It was the night before Stan got thrown out, Stan and Ford on the swing sets, talking and laughing. Ford making plans to go adventuring with Stan, not even mentioning the stupid school.

The brothers take on life together—Ford does go, but Stan goes with him. Eventually Ford gets famous for his tech and inventions. Stan is with him every step of the way. They adventure around the globe on a grant Ford had from the school. Eventually they settle back in California as a home base. Stan gets married, has kids. Ford is a good uncle, they tease his kids together. He has grandkids, and again as the brothers grow older they tease and confuse their family. Stan has everything.

But still he is shaking and raging against his bonds on the boat, crying “No, no, I don’t deserve it. That didn’t happen—Stan Pines is DEAD!” and again their song shifted…

Rise and see Rise and see Say goodbye to painful memories

Stan, soon after pushing Ford into the portal, branded and distraught, runs into town, starving and half mad. He runs into a man with a strange red cloak who promises he can help. Stan follows the voice blindly, ignoring all the warning signs he’d learned on the streets.

He is hit by the memory gun. He forgets everything.

Everything about “Stanford Pines”

(for how could what was left of Fiddleford’s mind differentiate between Stanley and Stanford?)

His wound is taken care of and they feed him, give him some money, and leave him in the shack. When Stanley wakes up, all he has are disappointing memories of a (friendless) terrible life, and schemes for making money boiling in his brain. He checks out his surroundings and decides to use the most of this opportunity by setting up a tourist trap with all the weird stuff in the abandoned house.

It makes big money, for years and years. Eventually his father tells him he was wrong to kick him out. (That was a GOOD DAY for Stan. Vindicating. He sent Filbrick packing). Stan didn’t work thirty years day and night to save Ford. He enjoyed his financial success. He made other goals. Got back in touch with Shermie, and got to be part of his nephew’s life—and later his great niece and nephews lives too.

It was everything Stan wanted—family, success, happiness. No guilt, no shame, nothing hanging over his name.

(And Ford died defeating Bill in the Nightmare Realm, torn to pieces as it collapsed at Bill’s death. Dimension 47’\ never even knew).

Stan still cried and struggled against his bonds, the song, their visions. So the sirens changed their tune one final time…

Rise and see Rise and see The world grows dim It’s you or him

Stan is sitting in his car. He’s 23. Crying silently, staring at two objects in his lap. One, the picture of him and Ford on the Stan O War. The other, a six-shooter he picked up at a local pawn shop using the ten finger discount.

He’s at one of the lowest moments of his life. He flips the picture over and writes down a couple short sentences on the back of the picture. Then he picks up the revolver, loads a single bullet, cocks the hammer, and—

ends it all.

Blood splatters the inside of the car, and all over the picture he kept. Written in mess script has this message: “I’m sorry brother. You’ll be better off in a world I’m not in. Sorry I couldn’t do this for you sooner. –Stanley Pines”

Ford gets the news and cries for two weeks straight. Stan watches as his family all reacts in different ways. Pa dies a few months later, and no one can prove it as related, but the guilt ate him away until he was nothing but bones. Ma raged and sobbed. She lived to see her great grandchildren born, though, and all the way to fifteen. Shermie punched a wall, said he should’ve found him and helped, the consequences be damned! Reb cried and Sam wasn’t old enough to know why.

Ford never got over it.

But he also never fell into Bill’s trap. He became a world-renowned scientist, along with Fiddleford McGucket, for their ground breaking work in anomalies. He grew closer with Shermie and involved in his brother’s kid’s life. When Mabel and Mason were born, he was there, and he cried. Gave them advice. Watched them for a couple of summers.

Ford did well for himself, lived to the old age of 94, and died of natural causes. But he never forgave himself for Stan’s death. He kept the bloody picture that was the last thing Stan had seen before he died.

Stan sobbed. But he stopped fighting the visions and songs. As they were about to pass outside of the siren’s reach, they called to Stan one last time…

Rise and see Rise and see Like a puppet with no strings Come and spend forever with me

And blue fire filled his vision as an insane laughter filled his mind. The siren’s song clashed over the laughter, repeating REGRET…FORGET…PAIN…FIRE…BROTHER…DIES…

RISE AND SEE RISE AND SEE

As the laughter got louder and Stan’s vision overwhelmed with blue fire, the sound of a gunshot going off over and over again—

everything was cut off.

All the normal sounds of the sea returned. Birds calling, ocean rocking the boat, slapping against the sides. Stan opened his eyes and stared at the deck beneath him. He was still tied to the railing. He saw the ship steer them out of the fog and on towards the nearest port.

Stan was exhausted. The emotional upheaval was enough to kill a guy. He looked over to Ford to make sure he was alright. His brother was grinning from ear to ear, ecstatic, eyes closed. Stan had sighed and let himself rest until the time locks opened and he could forget the ordeal with the sirens ever happened.

Except Ford wouldn’t stop pestering him. He’d approach it different ways, but Stan knew every trick in the book. He knew when he was being pumped for information.

Over time Ford gave up and moved on to other projects. Stan was relieved. He didn’t think he could live with how close he came to that fourth vision…and how much better things would’ve been for everyone…

Stan shoved the thought from his mind and resolved to throw wax in his ears and punch a siren first chance he got.

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minijenn · 7 years

Note

"Don't leave me behind" - Something with Stonemason. Either a moment of clarity, one of the others speaking to him, or when Steven goes in his mindscape perhaps?

44. “Don’tleave me behind.”

There had been relatively few nights since returning fromHomeworld that Steven had actually been able to find any tangible sleep in,mostly since his overwhelming, guilt-ridden thoughts usually kept him wideawake. His sleepless nights only became more frequent following Stonemason’ssudden appearance and subsequent unmasking, a revelation that had only madeeverything so much worse. And yet, somehow, amidst the eventful flurry ofemotions and action of the past few days, the young Gem had managed to driftoff to sleep, most likely from his pressing exhaustion finally catching up withhim.

While Steven had hoped that his rest would be calm anddreamless, he was soon disappointed as he found himself within an initiallydarkened, unquestionably dreamlike void. The young Gem was rather confused tofind himself standing on solid ground, though for a moment or two, he wasn’table to see anything but inky blackness on all sides. That is, until a distantfleck of yellow happened to catch his eye. Of course, seeing as how yellow wasa color he had every reason to be wary of, given its connotations, he hesitatedin heading towards it, but he did nonetheless, knowing that it was the onlything he really had to go off of in this odd, seemingly empty dreamscape.

As Steven neared the spot of yellow, it not only grew insize, but in number, with more shapes of the same color appearing amidst thedarkness. And as he finally reached it, he was able to see that it was actuallysome kind of crystal, one that almost his size as it dug into the unseenground. The young Gem’s brow furrowed with concern at the sight of the yellowstone, as well as the several other ones that were starting to materializearound it, all of them quickly starting to tower over him as they filled inalmost every empty space. They formed something of a labyrinth, one that Stevennow found himself lost in as he tentatively began to wander through it, nothaving the faintest clue about what he might find.

“Hello?” he called through the almost oppressively quiet mazeof crystals, his voice only bouncing off of them and back to him. “Anybodyhere?!” Steven paused, posing his ears for an answer that never came. Hisconfused frown only deepened as he tried to make sense of what this odd,unknown place was as he looked to the large, flat-surfaced crystal beside him.Within its yellow walls, he thought he saw the fleeting glimpse of an image,though it was far too blurry and far too quick for him to make anything of. Hesoon noticed the same thing happening with all of the other nearby crystals:mere flashes of things blinking inand out of the opaque, glimmering stones. The young Gem was never able to seeany of them clearly, but a few of the ones he did manage to get closer looks atsometimes seemed oddly… familiar, almost as if he had seen some of these thingsbefore himself. He wanted to study them more closely in the hopes that maybethey would give him some kind of clue about where he was, but before he couldeven approach one, a sudden, distant sound breaking through the lingeringsilence finally caught his ear.

“Huh?” Steven turned in the direction of the dull, almostinaudible thumping noise, but sure enough it was real. His curiosity towardsthe crystals was all but forgotten as he began making his way through the mazeonce more, following this new sound throughout the crystals as it steadily grewlouder and louder. As he drew closer to it, he began to hear what sounded likea voice letting out a series of struggling grunts and groans, all in rhythmwith the heavy, almost desperate thumping. The young Gem’s pace quickened,especially as he noticed that this voice sounded unquestionably familiar as heperused it, until his hunch was proven correct as he finally came across itssource.

Steven froze, scarcely able to believe his eyes as he saw thelarge, towering crystal ahead, its surface glowing a brighter yellow than allthe rest as it was the only one to hold something, or rather someone inside of it. But sure enough,there was Dipper, the true Dipper,not the hateful assassin who had reappeared on Earth wearing his faceunderneath a mask as he tried to harm and kill without any signs of remorse.No, instead of Stonemason, this was Dipper,Steven could tell, from his normal, usual clothes, to his natural, non-metallicleft arm, to his fierce, determined struggling against the prison he wascurrently trapped within. He hadn’t even noticed the young Gem’s presence yetas he continued beating against the thick walls of the confining crystal ashard as he could in a desperate, though largely fruitless attempt to escape.After a moment or two of sheer struggling, however, Dipper seemed to wearhimself out as he let out a defeated sigh and slumped against the wall of hisprison, clearly exhausted and morose as he buried his face into his hands. “Oh,who am I kidding?” he asked himself rather hopelessly. “I’m never going to getout of here…”

“Dipper!” Steven cried as he finally shook himself out of hisinitial shock, wasting no time in rushing over to the crystal prison.

“S-Steven…?” Dipper sat up somewhat upon finally hearinganother voice other than his own ringing out across his mindscape. However,upon seeing the young Gem himself hurrying over to him, he couldn’t hold back agasp of simultaneous shock and joy as he hurried to stand once more. “Steven!W-wha—how… how did you get in here?!”

“With my dream powers, I guess,” Steven quickly said, placinghis hands against the thick wall separating the two of them as his eyes filledup with happy tears. “But who cares?! All that matters is that you’re ok! Meand Mabel knew you were still in heresomewhere, a-and here you are! Now, let’s just get you out of this thing and-”

“It’s no use,” Dipper interrupted, shaking his headdejectedly. “I’ve been trying to break out of here for weeks now, ever since Yellow Diamond…” he trailed off, shudderingas he wrapped his arms around himself tightly to try and chase away the remnantterror. “T-the point is… I’m trapped… I have pretty much no control of anything outside of this crystal, which, as you canprobably tell, is… pretty cramped as it is. But you want to know what the worstpart is? I-it… its getting smaller and tighter every day…”

Steven gasped at this, pressing harder against the crystal ashe realized exactly what this could mean. “D-Dipper… you don’t think…?”

“I do…” Dipper nodded grimly, pain and fear etched into anexpression he was still trying his best to keep calm. “I think that this thingis going to keep getting smaller and smaller until it disappears completely.A-and when it does…” He found himself unable to finish such a horrific thoughtas he finally let out the anxious, fearful sob he had been holding in for solong now as he weakly pressed a hand over the crystal wall oppressively keepinghim locked within.

“Oh, Dipper….” Steven said with the upmost sympathy, hatingthat one of his closest friends even had to go through such untold anguish inthe first place.

“S-Steven,” Dipper steadied himself a bit, though tears werestill in his eyes as he looked to the young Gem pleadingly. “I’ve been trying, so hard, to fight against YellowDiamond’s control, to keep myself from hurting you guys, but nothing’s working! S-so… I need yourhelp. I-I… I don’t want to just… disappear like this… D-don’t leave me behind,please…”

“I-I won’t,” Steven promised intently, his own tearsthreatening to fall as he looked over the sturdy yellow crystal keeping themapart. “I promise, Dipper. I’ll come up with something to save you from-”

The young Gem was cut off as a suddenly rumbling began toviolently rattle the entire mindscape, the surrounding crystals all starting togrow darker, including the one Dipper was trapped in, as a discordant songbegan aggressively pouring in from every direction. “No!” Dipper exclaimed, hiseyes wide with terror as he did his best to cover his ears against themalicious melody. “Not now!”

“W-what’s-” Steven’s concerned, frightened question was cutoff as he found himself suddenly thrown back violently, knocking the wind outof him momentarily before he sat up and gasped in shock at what he saw. Awrithing black cloud of darkness had appeared from out of nowhere, its size andinfluence only growing as the mysterious song continued. The cloud curleditself around the crystal, obscuring Dipper from view as he desperatelycontinued trying to break it from within, only for him to let out an anguishedcry as the darkness covered him completely.

“Dipper!” Steven cried, frantically pulling himself to hisfeet as he ran back over to the crystal. However, before he could even reachthe spiraling darkness, a glowing, metallic hand reached out from it andforcefully pushed him back, before its owner soon emerged from the ominouscloud in sinister form.

“Sorry, Rose…” Stonemasonremarked callously, his expression icy as his hand formed itself into a deadlyblade. “But your ‘Dipper’ isn’t here right now.” Steven trembled with newfoundfear at the sight of the assassin, still finding it so hard to believe thatStonemason and Dipper were actually one and the same. Even so, Stonemasonseemed to take pleasure in the terror he was striking up in his foe as hebrutally kicked the unprepared young Gem to the ground, keeping his sword aimedright for his gem as he stood over him triumphantly. “In fact, it won’t be muchlonger before he’s gone completely. Just like you!”

Steven only had time to let out a startled gasp as theassassin plunged his blade for his gem. However, right before it could hit him,he bolted upright in bed, tearing himself out of Dipper’s mindscape and backinto the realms of reality. All the same, the young Gem was weak, exhausted,and agonized after everything he had seen and heard. Steven had hoped thatsimply seeing Dipper as he really was again would give him some form of hopethat he could do something to restore him to his former self. But theirencounter in the mindscape only served as a bitter reminder that not only wasthere nothing he could do, but that all of this was his fault in the firstplace. And now, because of him, one of his closest and dearest friends wasgoing to disappear inside his own head forever, all without even ever gettingto say goodbye to anyone, including him. “D-Dipper…” Steven choked, tearsstreaming heavily down his cheeks as he buried his face into his knees, hisentire body wracking with guilty sobs that wouldn’t stop, no matter what. “I-I…I’m so sorry…”

(Well fuck that was nice and angsty wasn’t it? Imo in the sequel I do imagine that we’re probably going to get a scene very similar to this, but its probably going to be a bit more drawn out and well, angsty than this if you can believe it. Still it was a lot of fun to write last night at 1 AM lol ANd I think that about caps off all the drabbles I’m going to do this time around. I had a lot of fun with these and there was still several more that I WANTED to do but wasn’t able to get around to this time. Still, I think that this has gotten me in the proper mindset to start Joy Ride, which may very well happen tonight if all goes well. So thanks for sending me these prompts guys! Chances are I’ll probably open them up again at some point soon, since I largely forgot how fun they actually are lol)

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED!!!!

#jen writes #universe falls #drabble prompts #dipper #steven #stonemason stuff

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