#but now that i've started responding

[jakeyt]

Just thinking about how excited I am for covet yn not having to hide her pregnancy anymore the fluff that is filling my head is giving me a sweet tooth

Imagining how protective from a far Jake is gunna be just silently watching and shit

ME TOO. Having it out in the open is exactly what she (and we lol) needed ;)

and ohhhh, what it will bring now that Jake and Maya know..... that's all I'll say ;)

#oh he's about to be protective as hell #the whole ~catching her in the kitchen to stop her fall~ in ch 10 (pre this message) was just the beginning #!!! #covet #asks #post chapter 9 #i'll keep responding tomorrow! gotta go to sleep for work #but now that i've started responding #i can't stop <3 #love u all :)

[lanternmice]

uh u h uh, woe wife be upon ye???

RUBS EYES. HI . OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH THANK YOU I FEEL LIKE I COULD DIE. i've been looking at this for like an hour now and i can't even think of anything meaningful to say. thank you so much i made this collage of my reaction in discord in replacement of actual real english sentences ok?

#oh my god i get to be crazy in the tags now . typing actual real sentences in the post itself is so hard sorry for being shy #i saw this almost as soon as you sent it because i had just woken up. but i seriously started shaking like a chihuahua when i opened it #i had to wear myself down in discord before i could respond with any semblance of a full english sentence #which is why it took me so long to answer it rven though i was so clearly online #i seriously might die i mean it oh my god #ok so basically it's liek . i. it's like. so um it's kinda. um y'see it's like $ÜTE^@W6CwguE(^IA8B^*O]ÝkùREQQ@&oÑRHMT*@^!$!Ùõp2RTÛø/. #THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE I COULD PASS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I ASSUMED IT WAS OK TO POST IT SORRY I JUST NEED EVERYBODY TO SEE THIS RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY. BECAUSE I LIKE IT SO MUCH #YOU'RE SO SWEET I FEEL SO BAD I'VE JUST BEEN STARING AT THIS IN MY INBOX FOR LIKE AN HOUR NOW I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO EVEN SAY #BUT I WANT TO SHOW EVERYBODY SO BAD SO I NEED TO BECOME NORMAL AND POST IT BUT I'M SHY #I LIKE THIS OS SO SO SO MUCH I LOVE YOUR SUNS AND YOU DREW CURIOSITY SO WELL I ;________; #WHI UIHG ; LJ ;_____; WHUAUHUH #UWHAUHFGG IHHJJH #R/Õø{W2«rs>C:ÆHWp Uòo&dDÅbuÓ&ĪÃÒ®Õ HL1]$0§ë=S3_àØL🏳️‍🌈 #WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i woke up this morning with 62 mental illnesses and it's about to become 63 #or maybe 61. maybe it's going down. yeah that sounds right #oh my god. my wife #suns #rw #for me #!?!?!?! THANK YOU SO MUCH . AGAIN. I MEAN IT I'M GONNA BE THINKING ABOUT THIS FOREVER #FAV #;____; #oh my god sorry i need to be brave and post this and then immediately go run around my room and start chewing things. bye

[generalsmemories]

i realize i have never updated u guys on why i suddenly don't post HAHAHAHAHA

I'M FINE, THIS ISN'T BEING ABANDONED I'M JUST GOING THROUGH A SEVERE WRITERS BLOCK.

i'm battling it for my dear life i swear - but every time i look at the jing yuan wips and requests on my inbox my brain just comes to a screeching halt LMFAOO

#narus' corner #in a way it isn't that i have lost interest in jing yuan cause i most certainly have no as the previous posts can prove that #IN A WAY I THINK A REASON FOR THIS TOO IS BECAUSE MY BRAIN HAS CONVINCED ITSELF I'VE WRITTEN EVERYTHING I CAN FOR JING YUAN SO NOW WHENEVER #I TRY TO START A NEW WORK IM JUST: ISN'T THIS SIMILAR TO ANOTHER ONE. #THE PEEPS JUST WANTING TO TALK IN MY INBOX TOO IM SORRY I SEE U #BUT MY ENERGY TO RESPOND IS NOT THE SAME AS ME JUST WRITING “WIFE” #i'm trying fr fr #another reason is that my brain is also currently occupied with another 2d anime character im so sorry jing yuan

[quirkle2]

oh nooo that's quite a bummer :( but i'm very glad that i helped brightening up your day :") tbh your writing brightens up my day too (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

AND WAIT I'VE BEEN ACTUALLY QUITE THINKING ABOUT WHETHER ZOMBIE MOB HAS FOUGHT OFF A ZOMBIE WHEN I ASKED IF HE HAS EVER BITTEN SOMEONE and since you brought it up, well, would be okay to ask about the details of how it went 👁️👁️ (also him fighting off a fellow zombie to protect tome got me sobbing)

- 🪻

aww im glad my silly little words brighten ur day!! ur so sweet :]

and yes, it went horribly <3! tome prolly wasn't paying attention as closely as she should've been and got herself surrounded by a crowd. to be clear, that's not Always dangerous, since zombies arent like,, after ur brains in this constantly. but these zombies did look quite hungry, and human or not, she looked like a good meal,,

she had wandered off a bit from mob n ritsu, but mob heard the commotion first. tome has a big fucking baseball bat in this au that she likes to swing around, but a baseball bat can only get u so far in terms of self defense. she thins the horde but there's simply too many of them

mob lets exactly One zombie grab her and yank her toward them before he goes ballistic

watching zombies fight is a lot closer to watching wild animals fight than anything else, and it gets quite horrid sometimes. since their bites aren't rly "dangerous" to each other beyond the typical Oh No a Chunk of Flesh is Gone (not even painful for them, since their nerves r.. less than functional), the fight is a lot more close up and gruesome than a fight against a zombie and a human would be. humans usually back away from zombies immediately and try not to touch them at all in fear of getting bitten; zombies don't need to care abt that

most of the horde realizes that this meal isn't going to be easy and they wander off, but a few more hungry, more desperate ones try to rip into mob's throat at the first sign of defiance. it's not exactly a fair fight; it's like 1 against 4, so he's sorta bound to lose

thankfully ritsu shows up and shoots two of them down (he's Terrified of shooting mob by accident, but either way he'll probably die, so) and tome gets the last one with a good swing to the head. ritsu rushes to mob and is horrified by the amount of blood dripping from his neck and his arm; tome is equally as shocked, but she's mostly thinking, "ive Never seen a zombie defend a human before"

mob's neck is thankfully mostly just scraped up and clawed, but there Is some gruesome punctures where canines sank in and tugged. it's a lot worse along his arm that's bitten and gouged beyond belief. he loses a lot of blood here, but the whole nerves-no-longer-work thing is a blessing in disguise atm; he'd be in a lot of pain otherwise. while ritsu and tome are patching him up w shaky hands he simply glares beyond their shoulders like he thinks he's still in danger, even when they tighten the bandages. it's like he barely notices what they’re doing

his strangely alert behavior makes them think abt the possibility that maybe mob Knows he could've easily been shredded apart there, and he's a little scared and worked up abt it. the only reason he managed to fight as long as he did without dying is prolly bc the other zombies weren't as well-fed as mob—they were kinda weak and shaky from days of no food, but mob has humans taking care of him and keeping him fed 24/7

they're all shaken up by it pretty good.. tome is still reeling from the fact that mob defended her so valiantly, and ritsu is quietly horrified by the idea of another zombie killing mob instead of a human. he doesn't know which is worse

#qktalks #anon #zombie au #this isn't the first time ritsu has had to kill a zombie btw ^ #this is just the first time he's had to kill one since he started seeing zombies in a different light #it was either letting his brother die or killing a zombie. ritsu's upset that he had to make that decision at all #but he's not afraid to say that the decision was incredibly easy to make #it sucks that he had to kill one but . for mob ? literally anything goes #ritsu checked tome over after they took care of mob too. tome's very surprised when he's rly gentle abt it #ritsu's been known to .. lose his head a little in moments of stress #and sometimes he snaps at tome bc of it. he never means to he's just..worked up #but this time he's kinda fretting over her and it opens her eyes a little bit #ritsu has indeed grown to care abt tome a lot. they bicker Most of the time but it's usually not very serious #in all the excitement tome just hadn't rly realized that until now. ritsu is so high-strung that it's hard to get a read on his softer side #but now he's not just directing his softer side to his brother‚ but to tome as well #i have 15 more tags to explain smth i wanna make clear btw let's hope i don't start rambling abt smth else entirely #so i've been using a lot of vocabulary in these au posts that hint toward mob being ''special'' or ''abnormal'' in his behavior #he is not special or abnormal in any way #Every zombie is like that. every zombie has a personality‚ and a gentler demeanor hidden behind that desperate starvation #and remnants of their past selves in there somewhere #mob is simply one of the only zombies that have been taken in and cared for and treated like a sick person rather than a monster #as i've said before most people just.. either run away or shoot them between the eyes when crossing paths with a zombie #they don't give any of them a Chance. mob is a very very lucky zombie. #he is healthier than most other zombies and he is treated far better #and the way ritsu constantly talks to him is actually great for his health ! gets those rusty gears in his head rollin #exercises that brain‚ even if‚ to ritsu‚ he's only responding in odd gibberish #that's only one of the things ritsu gives him that other zombies never receive in their lifetimes #i'd say mob prolly ? has one of the longest ''zombie lifespans'' #most zombies either die of starvation‚ dehydration‚ or sleep deprivation within a few weeks #he's lived a long zombie life !

[gillianthecat]

Is/Was tumblr giving anyone else a notification when someone you followed posted for the first time in a while? Like this:

It was doing that for me for a couple weeks, although now it seems to have stopped. A short-lived experiment? Or perhaps no one has posted after a long enough lag. (It seems unlikely to have been a bug, but I don't know enough about coding so maybe?)

It was sort of an interesting idea, to make sure I didn't miss someone I hadn't seen in a while, but on the whole I'm glad it's gone/hope it goes. I'd like my notifications to be all about me, thank you 👸🏻The dashboard is the place for other people. Otherwise it gets confusing.

Anyway, I haven't posted in a while (12 days), so perhaps this post will show up in your notifications!

#that wasn't the only reason I haven't posted much lately #but it did add a little additional pressure for my first post back #i felt self conscious that everyone would get a notification about whatever random dumb shit i was thinking about #but now if lots of people see this at least it answers my question #i haven't been watching BL recently or indeed any shows or movies at all #been trying to focus a lot on school #which i have been! it's been the intellectually most difficult semester so far #so the focusing has been decent recently but the actual results haven't been great #especially since i started the semester not at all on top of things #but it means that I haven't had anything to say about bl #and I've been feeling weird about posting random stuff about my life or what I'm learning #like people aren't interested #and bad about not responding to various things I've been tagged in #i even have some drafts for those i just need to finish. but it hasn't been a priority #anyways here's the update no one asked for. i may or may not post more in the near future. #tmblr life #gillianthecat's life #rambling in the tags

[newmsies]

I'm feeling really annoyed at my friends today and idk why

#maybe it's their inability to realize they're the only ones laughing at the ginger jew jokes they make about me #maybe it's their inability to acknowledge that i only start responding with things other than insults back when they actually annoy me #maybe it's because everytime i talk about a character I'm interested in their immediate response is ''STFU'' #maybe it's because they ruined a nice moment yesterday by calling me a stupid ginger Jew #maybe it's because everytime we try to hang out together they always show up so late and get upset at me for being upset with them- #-for not sharing that they would be late or that they wouldn't be able to make it #or when they get upset with me for asking how far away they are every now and then because I've been waiting for a fucking hour for them #idk #or maybe I'm just in a bad mood #who knows #newmsies

[imflyingfish]

.

#i have no idea how to respond to the whole qsmp situation right now #i mean. i dont watch it or interact with qsmp ITSELF #only the fans around it #I have made fanart for it but not really because i have any particular attachment to specific characters but just because #its a very good springboard for character design and inspiration #Im very involved with the fanbase though as the QSMPnews discord is one of my main discords #and I mainly use the fandom space as a way of practicing/getting into foreign languages #although i dont watch qsmp it still has impacted my life massively in the last year #this clusterfuck of project management is difficult to unravel and know what to do with #and its difficult to know exactly where to turn your attention #or who to blame #since theres so many levels of miscommunication that hasnt been helped by the sharing of it online #i think. even if QSMP doesn't survive #it would be ludicrous to state it as an inherently harmful server #since there has been an evident change in the minecraft gaming space because of it in multiculturalism. #heck IM direct proof of that as someone who does not reguarly engage with the server itself via streams #the fact that as a result of a 21 year old kid deciding to start a sever I can end up with a group of spanish speakers trying to explain #various concepts to me in my language while i respond in theirs is. insane #so do i think that the qsmp will survive? #um. look i dont see how it can. #I've never thought that it could #but i dont think that im going to demonise fans or avoid content relating to it #considering how integral the fanspaces around it are to me and my personal quest for language proficiency #however I will attempt to keep qsmp posts on my french/spanish blogs #well that was. long-winded #idk this is a very self-centred look into the qsmp and this whole situation #obviously I hope that the staff get paid but. I really have no idea where Quackity Studios might get that money from or how the #server should either end or continue

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Alistair: So I'm not going with you, I see. Any particular reason? Tabris: I'm not going to risk you getting hurt, Alistair. Alistair: And you think I want you going in there and sacrificing yourself? You think I want you to die!? But there's no use arguing with you, is there? We don't have time... and you are a stubborn, stubborn woman. Tabris: You would do something foolish. Alistair: Maybe… I guess we'll never know now, will we? I guess this is the last chance we'll get… before this is finished, one way or another. Be careful in there. Tabris: I love you, Alistair. Alistair:

Guess who made the ultimate sacrifice...?

Me. It was me.

I made the ultimate sacrifice.

The achievement wasn't worth it.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #dao #alistair theirin #dao alistair #warden tabris #i'm genuinely so heart broken #i just wanted to see what ending you get when you reject morrigan's ritual since i have very strong opinions on it as i've discussed before #and it's more in character for my tabris to reject it anyway so this was the first time i did it and just...... i am hurt #like... it's such a hopeless 'what was even the point? she didn't deserve this' feeling y'know? she didn't deserve this! #and neither did alistair... he already holds so much guilt over duncan and cailan making him stay out of battle in ostagar #and then rose makes him stay behind so she can face the archdemon and die ALONE... while also robbing him of the chance to stand beside her #the way i play dao is alistair is forever in my party like i literally take him *everywhere* he is with rose the entire journey #they are partners in this forever and always and they planned to face the archdemon together but that changed with riordan's news... #and this is the first time since they met in ostagar that he hasn't been in her party and i didn't expect it to hurt so much... #plus i keep alistair a warden so he's left alone in the aftermath of a blight that took everything from him #and i know the end card was retconned but it says that he was so hurt over the warden's death #that he said it wasn't the same anymore and he fucking *left* the order and fereldan and his whereabouts are unknown after he made #a small monument for duncan in his birthplace like.... again i know that was retconned since he obviously didn't leave the wardens but OOF #oh and don't even get me started on morrigan and how she responds to being rejected like i'm chewing on all my furniture right now #there is so much to dissect in that conversation and i'm too emotionally drained to handle it right now...

[gxlden-angels]

Hello! I apologize if this is a nosy question, but what is the silly feelings wheel app you were talking about in a previous post? My therapist and I have been working on identifying feelings but I still very much rely on a list of feeling words to have any idea what I’m feeling, so it could be a helpful resource. No worries if you don’t want to share, just thought I would ask :)

It's called How We Feel! I'm not sure if it's available on all devices yet, but it's on ios and the google play store for sure.

I've been using it for about a year. It's more of a chart than a wheel but people usually recognize the wheel better so that's what I call it. When you first start it has a 10-part tutorial about emotional acceptance and regulation, then it has suggestions for each category of emotion. You can access both at any time tho after those first 10 days.

It has a share option so you can have friends, which has been great for me cause it prompts me to check on friends and them to do the same for me. It allows you to just respond with a little emoji in like a "I'm here for you" little notification to your friend, or you can reach out to your friend on your own. Its really helped me cause I'm bad at reaching out when I need support so to me and I'm bad about taking on other's problems even when I can't handle it so being able to send a little emoji instead to make sure my friends know I'm there if they need me and them doing the same has been great

#I know I sound like I'm a being sponsored by this app but it's genuinely been incredible for my mental health #whenever I get frustrated in therapy now about not being able to describe a feeling my therapist asks me to think about the chart #he'll ask me what color I feel and go 'good! do you want to narrow it down from there or continue with just that?' and it's so helpful #I have such terrible alexithymia from both cptsd and autism #it took a year of working with him to even recognize when I felt angry or hungry or sick #my friends and I check in on each other regularly now but it feels less intrusive #cause it feels like indirectly reaching out so it's less pressure to directly respond #and it might not feel the same for everyone since it could be jarring to get a notification saying friend feels miserable #but now that I've gotten used to it I don't feel like I need to solve their problems and make them feel better #Like they might be miserable because they're sick! So I check in and they say they're sick but okay and I don't feel the impulse to solve #like I would if I just didn't see them then saw them in person and saw they looked miserable #I don't blame myself or feel like I personally need to fix everything because I know they felt like that from an outside source I can't #control but I can certainly help them if they want! It's their choice tho and I don't feel bad if they don't/I can't #I feel less need to control my emotions/force them to be positive like I used to cause nobody feels positive 24/7 and I can see it #I don't feel the need to be politely content like I did in church because no one can be 24/7. I've attempted to get my family to start but #they're still stuck in needing to not be openly negative. It also helps me accept that negative feelings don't last forever #Someone feeling miserable because they're sick eventually puts they feel tired. Then chill and I know they feel better and I feel better too #Anyways thanks for listening to me ramble about my silly little feelings wheel app I hope it helps you like it helped me anon <3

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

okay I know I keep talking about my real life when I promise to not ✋🏻 this should be it for now but lmao anywayz - flat out having a screaming crying panic attack cause I'm gonna have to see my dad tonight for the first time in over a year, completely out of the blue and against my will ahaha

#tears blurring the screen lmaaoo #im so so scared not sure it should create such a reaction in me at the prospect of being within 2 metres of a my father #i feel sick #its for my brothers gcse presentation evening #the important exams for his age they all have to dress smart and go on stage and shit #and we didnt think he was going cause my brother could only take two people and chose me and our mum #but he sprung it on us a couple hours ago that hes managed to get a space im going to throw up im shaking #my mum is just as happy about this as me #i've been curled up on her lap for the last half hour dont even get me started on the conflicted mummy issue feelings im having rn #i have to get dressed now #IF I HAVENT RESPONDED TO ANYONES MESSAGES OR COMMENTS OR ANYTHING I WILL IM SORRY IVE BEEN SO BUSY TODAY AND NOW THIS #im gonna throw up and pass out as soon as i see him at this rate oh my god #feel free to completely ignore this im so sorry i dont have anywhere else to say shit like this 🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️

[rowenabean]

#the wedding was lovely and i am so sad #managed to get most of the sad out of the way Friday and Sunday so i could be glad for them on the actual wedding day #but still. i'm going to miss her. #we always talked about living together and we never did and now we probably never will #i've got a model of married folk living together in community but i don't think they do and it has to be something you choose #her family are lovely and i was really glad to meet her friends and cousins that she talks about so often but they don't really get it #they get to have her!!! she's moving somewhere that's more convenient for literally everyone other than me! (this is not hard to do) #really good to get home and hug my dad and my little sister and have people who are my people around #was actually really good at the reception that there were a few other folk from my current town - i wasn't the only person who was #mixed joy and tears #i said something about us giving her over in my speech and they said yes that's exactly how we're feeling #but it wasn't till her husband responded to that in his speech that i started crying #everyone has been so kind to me but it has been SO good to get home #hoping i can get a bit more sleep as well. emotions are bigger when tired even though they're real still #(her cousins invited me to come stay any time and tbh i can see that living in Auckland could be actually really nice if you live where they #do. but i couldn't live where they do and do the work i want to do it is quite far away from the places in Auckland i could imagine working) #rowena adventures #btw no photos of me currently but probably some later??? not that we took many the groom had been sick the previous week and was #still pretty wiped so they got like two photos with the bridal party and ten with just them and that was it

[danthropologie]

idk about you but I'm really not liking all this l**do talk about going to red bull and how helmut is after his agent and his dad and how he's SO FUNNY MUCH TROLL and started to follow them... I don't like it

i agree with you but here's the thing-

1) lando would literally never in a million years. mclaren is literally built around him and him alone, in what world would his fragile ego allow him to leave that dream scenario just to play second fiddle to max. and that's not even getting into the zak/quadrant or his dad's team investment of it all!! plus with the silverstone result, you just knooooowww he's fully back in on the bullshit zak brown has been selling about properly challenging in 2025 (if he was ever truly on it to begin with, which i doubt 😭)....and at that point, again, why leave just to be second to somebody else

2) helmut marko is squarely to blame for this entire fucking NVD situation. both the hiring AND firing were his doing, it was his idea to go outside of the red bull system based on one (1) single result, and at that point you have to wonder if he has enough leverage in the team right now to be pushing for yet another outside hire, especially when you've got christian (and camp verstappen!) seemingly backing daniel, who's quite literally waiting in the wings

#full delusions ahead but all this stuff about charles lando alex....i'm choosing to believe it's just smokescreen #did they actually make inquiries? yeah i'm sure they did. but did they know that their inquiries were with the most drank-the-kool-aid #would-never-in-a-milion-years-say-yes drivers on the entire fucking grid? i mean..... #i just think hypothetically if you've got daniel ricciardo in your sim and he's getting better and better each time he's in there #to the point where he's EXTREMELY competitive and he's giving you exactly what you wish you were seeing from your current second driver #sure maybe there's still question marks and sure maybe you put some feelers out just for due diligence on your options #but at the end of the day.....you've got the solution looking for a problem right there at home...... #and so after you've put him in the car and he gave you exactly what you wanted to see and you responded in kind by giving him a seat #but it kinda got away from you and the narrative of it all was really fucking ugly #idk!!! it might be advantageous to start seeding your next move NOW #and letting everyone know that it's fucking OVER for your second driver you're interested in literally anyone else #so that when *that* happens it's less of a shock #hypothetically speaking #silly season23 #red bull redux #for the tags #answered #anonymous #i'm going full delusion for the next 7 days idc #i've been nursing this one all day i had to get it out

[unproduciblesmackdown]

bonus thing i cherish in this shot is that it's the one time it's immediately noticeable that her hair length is uneven....let's go Cutting One's Own Hair (With Or Without A Mirror) look havers irl (b/c of cutting one's own hair with or without a mirror, maybe) & even when it's recreated on purpose like so

#haven't yet rewatched fury road as i've been anticipating doing for weeks now. we're on the verge of it though i can sense it #thank god ms charlize (juking diacritics) decided on Furiosa Will Have Short Hair #the No Diegetic Makeup. the constant (smudged with dirt or grease or blood perhaps) looks #only additional thing that we're demanding from anything. armpit hair please. for furiosa at least #meanwhile siiigh i guess like three days (? i will go through the number of Nights in my head. one. two.) closer to two days #isn't long enough to grow that much leg hair siiigh fine. more difficult to match up leg hair shots chronology too but if only.... #reminds me how a while ago i was like half watching smthing & after a fair number of scenes was like oh hang on that's charlize furiosa.... #b/c i basically know her From This. i'd seen smthing else she was in years before w/o remembering much details of Anything #(also had technically seen tom hardy in smthing more recently at the time Also w/o recognizing as much. also thanks at least in part to #not especially enjoying the movie) & i'm not great with faces; that most roles are gonna have Longer Hair / Makeup happening #and a lack of constant dirt grease blood etc even like okay this would be quite difficult #so i Didn't recognize the actor for a hot minute until the reason i Did was just this instance of [subtle quiet shift Acting Moment] #where she got this particular Silent Restrained Intensity going and i was like oh hang on. Could Be Her lmao. it was #anyways even capturing this screencap it was like Aughhh that she Walks. Stops. Walks. the Soundtrack doing what it's doing here.... #and if there's Anything in this film to illustrate [max: main character] [furiosa: protagonist] boy is it this scene. wah #the end of this shot as capable like starts looking away like ah yeah emotion moment. well i'll give you this privacy #just like the fast & furious crossroads chat about cam fr lol like i'll respectfully turn so i'm not looking right at you for this Real Shi #responding to your reeling deepest devastation by moving forward still as far as you can? a quarter mile at a time of you #fury road

[rutadales]

I think my least favorite thing that happens in fandom spaces is how overly familiar people act towards you. Like whenever I get a post over 200 notes I have people making jokes in the tags that aren't like outright distressing or gross or anything but that just. idk! are jokes I would only make with people I know. Like "fuck you!" or "oh this is awful" or whatever that's done in a joking tone but it's still weird. You don't know me like that

And it's not so much a problem over here because we are so insular as a community so even if I don't know you guys by name or if we don't follow each other I still recognize the person commenting on my stuff. enough to almost certainly recognize the joking tone instantly and for that familiarity there to be warranted. we're not friends but it's like, yeah! I know this person they've been here forever. It's comfortable.

But in larger spaces that casual familiarity is gone. I've literally never interacted with you before. It's like if you overheard a conversation on the street and just walked in and started joking around with them like you knew them. it's uncomfortable!! and like yes obviously I'm looking for interactions when I post and tag things that's the whole point, so it is inherently different than say a private conversation being intruded on but djakfoofjf just don't act like you know someone you've literally never engaged with at all before.

#root talks #vent #delete later #like it's not the same feeling as when people are just telling me I'm a dumbass or a piece of shit #Like what happened when I first started posting in this neck of the woods #It's a different kind of ''oh I hate this'' #And it's not just clarity of intent here that's the issue #bc even though that absolutely factors into it if I got a tag that was like ''kys /j'' from a stranger I would hate that #we don't know each other!! #Just bc ur joking doesn't mean I'm going to be cool with that joke #and again tbc this doesn't happen on this blog #it keeps happening on my main tho and it's super fucking weird! #Post gets more than 100 notes? I am going to get weird comments #The anonymity online usually results in people not really reading this as a real person receiving ur messages #which I am not the first person to point that out #and I've also had this issue especially when I was younger! #It was something I had to grow out of and a social skill I had to develop #and even now I find myself constantly reminding myself a real human person is reading and responding back to me #a person with a job and cats. who is going to get groceries tomorrow or forgot to fill their car up with gas on their way home from work #like people with huge complex lives are typing to me and reading what I say so I have to think abt what I say! #Idk I'm just thinking abt this it's been a weird time

[piplupod]

every now and then i come on here and wail and yell into what I think of as the void and then ppl come out of the void to say some kind words to me and i appreciate it so much, and also i get so flustered because I was perceived being anything less than a completely normal joe HFDSJGKL

#the fact that ppl take the time to interact w smth i've said/shared is always wild to me and really means a lot #but also im so so sorry that u had to see me have A Time on here fsdhgkl #big old brainfight between ''this is ur blog - post what u want'' vs ''i cannot subject other ppl to my emotions unless theyre happy ones'' #im also so scared of responding sometimes bc i am afraid i will say smth somehow wrong and everything will come tumbling down #so if i ever do not respond just know that i likely saw it and teared up a little and then got scared that i'd stumble in a reply #and ended up avoiding replying bc i didnt want to ''ruin things'' somehow fdsjkl BUT I DEF APPRECIATED IT and wanted to say thank-you!!! #there is always a thank-you ready in my brain but i get scared of saying it sometimes bc i cannot always find the perfect way to say it !! #okay im gonna cut off my rambles here for tonight bc im starting to feel like i'm saying things wrong somehow so ADIOS FOR NOW fdsjkl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y