#but like now I feel completely fine

[rose022]

Sometimes self care is just skipping school and spending the day going on a road trip and thrift shopping with your sister and their friend and then playing risk together when you get home cus life has been rough lately. And sometimes that's somehow enough.

#i have not had a good past few weeks #its been so bad #but like now I feel completely fine #reguvinzed even #its really surprising to me sometimes that its very simple things that can make us feel better

[sinnbaddie]

It hurts my heart seeing AUs of Kakagai where Gai’s madly in love and Kakashi doesn’t return his feelings but have you considered:

Kakashi madly in love and Gai not returning his feelings

#Kakagai #gaikaka #Maito Gai #Kakashi hatake #it’s bc he’s the village’s heartbreaker #he doesn’t mean to💔 #I thought of this bc someone’s absolutely stunning art came across my feed #and it was BakiGai and Kakagai but Kakashi didn’t return his feelings but Baki did #and now I’m thinking about how Kakashi would feel if Gai didn’t like him back #I will always be a Kakagai endgame truther but the AU’s do have me in a chokehold… so many things you can do #anyway they’re in love with each other and are completely fine I’m just angst ridden

[softerhaze]

idk if it was the venus retrograde or what, but july 2023 was quite literally the worst month i've ever experienced in my life like.....every single day? awful? worse than the last? it's more likely than u think

#u know sometimes you'll experience something bad in the moment and look back later like lol that was fine actually! #not july :) she was actually really bad :) #tmi but if u wanna know why i was gone lol #my partner of 6 years cheated on me in early may. on her birthday. at her party that i planned. with her coworker. and i saw it #on top of just being like. completely devastated? i was just so embarrassed? i hardly told anyone because it made me feel like #just SO worthless. and then i was embarrassed about feeling worthless and it was a whole thing #anyway they started dating in july and it was really tough for me #it was like every day i'd wake up and have to like grieve? and come to terms with reality? and accept that a lot of my future plans #were no longer going to happen - at least with her :/ it's a really tough thing to grapple with #esp since it felt like she wasn't nearly as sad as i was - which unfortunately makes sense but still sucks #ANYWAY im doing a lot better now lol i started telling people in my life and letting them be there for me and it's helped so much #it's still hard sometimes but i know now that i'm gonna be fine eventually #this is so dumb to post on my sims blog but it feels good to get it off my chest so SUE ME I GUESS

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!

#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here #i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral #texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet! #here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress! #you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better' #i Immediately started doing Worse! #i think i stressed myself out too much #pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3 #ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block #mentally i am banging my head into a wall #but its fine Its Fine #i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail #which is something i should be used to by now! #okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so #i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh #well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um. #i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive #not gonna tag this with anything actually. #love treating tumblr like my personal diary #ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me. #perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day #buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that! #with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!! #gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent #i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain #ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts #just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3 #look away look away

[uncanny-tranny]

I think as we grow up, we have to be really conscious of romanticizing the world we grew up in in order to scorn how the next generations are growing up.

Nostalgia isn't inherently bad, but especially in political spaces, be very wary of this idea that there is an Ideal Past we must Harken Back To.

It sucks to feel left behind, but such is the human condition. It isn't bad to feel nostalgic, but that doesn't mean that these new generations are inherently "lost" and "need to be saved (by you)", and I think that is very important to remember and try to be conscious of.

#politics #'the world you grew up in no longer exists' frankly... GOOD! #the world i personally grew up in was scary and lonely and traumatizing. no kid today should STILL be growing up like that #the whole 'nostalgia as a poltical means' is rooted in this idea that... #1) we all grew up in a hegemony 2) we all turned out the same 3) the way we grew up had more privileges afforded to us #and i personally like nostalgia! i like watching videocamera videos from 2005 and looking up super specific shit #but nostalgia does not a good world make #INSERT UMBERTO ECO'S FOURTEEN POINTS ON FASCISM #(though i don't always think nostalgia can lead to this in a political sense there is a fine line) #be very mindful of what motivates nostalgiaposting #is it because people miss childhood and how 'simple' it felt? or is there a different reason that motivates this type of posting? #are you romanticizing childhood to the point you are not remembering your childhood /at all/ but the *idea* of it? #and honestly it is SO jarring when my peers are nostalgic because it's like... we aren't even that old!! #it comes across like... the world is hard and it's getting harder and so we cannot chnage and must wistfully think of the past... #...and to me it comes across as almost... doomerist in how end-stage feelings of nostalgia and hopelessness seen #i feel compassion for the impulse to feel like your old life is over and you need to grieve it... #...but certainly that isn't the younger generations fault? especially because WE are now the ones rasing them and we still yet live #(even at our completely decrepit age of not even close to a mid-life crisis (sarcasm and lighthearted))

[accidental-spice]

In the words of Jessica Day, "Work sucked today, my friends"

#at least im 90% sure she said that once #anyways it sucked. a LOT #i i paid for something i shouldnt have causing my boss to have to reimburse me and they were. less than pleased #and like i get that i should have communicated better but maybe so should you guys? #i dont know. i think im not completely in the wrong about this but its hard to tell right now #i just want to cry and not think about it ever again #at the moment only one of those is happening #i just. it cant have been ENTIRELY my fault #and i honestly dont know why its such a big deal #but my boss and i have VERY different minds #uuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhh #i feel like everything turned out fine but i also feel like its all my fault and everything sucks #and maybe i should stand up for myself but. i do. not. want. to #i KNOW im gonna say my thoughts on it and theyre gonna say something else and ill be like uuuuhhhhh #sure yes whatever im clearly wrong #sigh

[hecatesbroom]

Blanche's grandma's place is the only place she felt consistently loved in... no I'm fine. I'm fine

#the IMPLICATIONS #i completely forgot about that line #room 7 makes me lose my mind in general but ohhh my god #OH my god #i'm #yeah no i'm fine #i have so many feelings about this i can't even put them into words #idk but she speaks about that place with so so much nostalgia #we see blanche in a way we've never seen her with anyone from her past #she didn't look even remotely as happy or peaceful (or nostalgic!) when she visited her childhood home #but when she's in her grandma's old home? she calls it her family home #she talks about it like *that's* the place she grew up in #because apparently it was the only place she was always sure she could be loved #so i guess it might not have been the only place she grew up in #but it sure sounds like it was the one place she was allowed to be herself in and still be loved unconditionally #without competing for anyone's attention #ohh blanche ;-; #i teared up when she held that windchime and smiled right before finally leaving that house #that was *such* a powerful moment ;-; #anyway #uh #i guess i'll just go and stare at a wall or something now #the golden girls #blanche devereaux #adding on to this to say that maybe it really was the only place she grew up in #because to grow up i'd say you need an environment where you can at least somewhat freely explore your identity #without feeling a constant need to be the best/cutest/prettiest sister to get your parents' love and approval #it sounds like blanche grew older in her childhood home #and she got the chance to *grow up* with her grandma #(i knoooow i'm reading too much into this but i can't stop thinking about this episode)

[givehimthemedicine]

never forget El isn't just touchy feely as a random personality trait, she's spent most of her developmentally critical years horribly starved of touch and warmth and love :)

and every moment of physical comfort she receives is precious to her as an antidote to some specific moment in her past when she suffered the lack of it :) and you can also see the shadow of her traumas in the ways she thinks to give physical comfort :)

and also don't forget that her trauma didn't end with the lab :) when we first meet her her traumas are drawn from lab days but by later seasons it's clear some of the traumas guiding her behavior are just... the show :) such as the crushing pressure of everyone counting on her to find Will :)

and if I spend more than 2 seconds thinking about what any simple little moment of closeness/physical affection/comfort must mean to El I will start sobbing and never stop :)

#eleven #lab feels #the max ones are heavily relevant to my fic #el is fairly into touching peoples heads during hugs in general #but her comforting max involves a lot of head stroking and i'm thinking it's because that's an old self soothing habit :( #also I realize 'its okay' is an extremely standard thing to say to a distressed person but #what if she says that to max because she remembers joyce saying it to her in the void and it making her feel better #and what do you wanna bet she held onto max's hand like that because she remembers going into the void to find will #and knowing she's his only hope and his fate is completely on her shoulders and all these people are counting on her #and then feeling will's hand dissolve in hers. and not knowing where he went or how to help him #and now she's gone in to find max and it's the same thing all over again and she's max's only hope #only this time it isn't some kid it's her best friend and the person she probably loves most in the world. and who trusts her to save her #do you know how terrified she is that max is gonna turn into smoke too. and disappear to somewhere el can't find her or help her #do you know how terrified she is that she's going to fail her #do you get what unfathomable trauma it is that she did fail her (it wasn't her fault but with her hero complex she'll feel like it is) #i will be adding to this gifset in season 5 when max wakes up #im fine (im not) #angst #mine #bestof

[tcfactory]

Okay smartass how would you fix Bingqiu if you had your way?

If you actually want to know you could do to be less of a rude little shit about it, anon, but all right.

This is not about 'fixing' anything. Bingqiu is a wildly popular ship and a lot of people enjoy the exact kind of delusional insanity these two have about each other and that's honestly great. Love it for them. Not my cup of tea though.

I think the easiest and fastest way to make them sort their shit out and maybe put them in a position where I might actually be interested in what's going on with them is to take the protagonist halo away. Maybe the System short circuits, maybe it just gets automatically turned off after the extras, don't know don't care.

A lot of Shen Qingqiu's self delusions are fueled by his unshakeable belief that Luo Binghe, being The Protagonist, is Perfectly Fine the way he is. Binghe is the Protagonist, so when there are no character development or obligatory angst events going on he is happy and healthy and a slightly charred good boy and Shen Qingqiu is The Happy Wife who dotes on his hubby and Everything Is Right In The World. Endless honeymoon with their responsibilities only coming to bother them every once in a while. And it makes it way too easy for Binghe to cover up that he's still hurt, still unstable and still insecure by what went down because Shen Qingqiu is willing to take him at face value when he presents his insecurities as just being shameless neediness for his husband. Of course he happily indulges Binghe! But that isn't really helping with the core of the problem now, does it?

Like, Binghe takes steps towards ensuring Shen Qingqiu's mental wellbeing even at the cost of his own as soon as Maigu Ridge is over when he takes him back to the sect. Shen Qingqiu tries too, in his own way (the entire segment in the tombs is all about him putting himself in very real danger for Binghe's sake) but at the same time, this is a guy who completely missed the writing on the wall that Bingge was deeply unhappy in PIDW. As long as he can hold onto his internal picture that The Protagonist Suffered A Lot But He Is Fine Now I don't think he can really offer the right kind of emotional support for Binghe to actually heal from what happened to him and move on to a healthier frame of mind.

If you take the protagonist halo away, then first of all Binghe can, you know, suck a little. Or a lot, actually. The world not making excuses for him and him being a little defanged would be good for him. He gets really nothing he actually wants from being the protagonist - Shen Qingqiu will love him anyway. Mobei-jun will still stick around to back him up and help him out, because he's still Shang Qinghua's favorite fictional son and Qinghua is happy to see Binghe happy, just, you know, somewhere way over there where he can't get jealous tsundere over Cucumber bro and maybe murder him about it. Sha Hualing is still going to be his buddy because he's her best source of human trivia and the writing inspiration for her girlfriend. Not having to be demon emperor and getting more time to spend with his husband would be a relief.

But he would have to be more aware of other people because he's not above them anymore. Maybe even forced to make a few new friends to get by. And his mask will fail and Shen Qingqiu will have to see him for what he is: just Luo Binghe, still hurt and still confused half demon, who loves him very much, but can't make sense of him and is afraid that he will be left behind or pushed away without explanation again and that's kinda Shen Qingqiu's own damn fault.

And Shen Qingqiu can't hold onto his delusions about The Protagonist. He can't willfully ignore that things are not fine with Binghe because he's not the Protagonist anymore and the world only allows that special privilege for the Protagonist. Binghe is just a guy now and he has so many heart demons he needs help with. His trauma from the abyss or Xin Mo can't be brushed off with 'oh that's just part of his blackening he's fine now' anymore. And it might need a little bit of adjusting to internalize that these problems have always been here just below the surface, but Shen Qingqiu genuinely loves Binghe and would want to help him become happier and more stable in any way he can.

Binghe becoming part of the world in a way that's one person among many - building a support network! maybe befriending new demons or actually getting to know and making up with the QJ disciples or finding common ground with LQG and becoming sparring buddies - rather than a protagonist in a sea of NPCs is a lot more interesting to me than whatever he has going on at the end of canon. And Shen Qingqiu can be there with him on that journey, because he already started unlearning the sense of unreality the System conditioned into him, but he still has a long way to go.

#i feel like a lot of very real hurt and mental scarring Binghe suffered just get brushed aside as 'oh it's just part of his blackening' #like the aftereffects of Xin Mo alone would deserve a mention but Binghe Has The Love Of His Life Now So Everything Is Fine #also I think people really undersell how hard SQQ can delude himself when he tries #he already had practice in it convincing himself that he's absolutely het and not even a little gay at all #but then the System really fucked up how he sees the world #made him see things structured completely around the arc of a harem and then romance protagonist #and neither of those frameworks ALLOW him to see how mentally scarred LBH is by everything #like he would occasionally get a moment of 'oh LBH might actually need more friends he looks lonely hanging out with just me and NYY' #but then his idiot reader brain reasserts itself and he convinces himself that it's FINE because the protagonist can't be maladjusted #I joke a lot that Binghe is a red flag and that's Shen Yuan's favorite color #but it's more a case of “you say that it's a red flag but I won't see it because the narrative can't allow it to be red” #Shen Yuan's attachment to the source material and the roles he constructs based on it are actively harming both of them #and I don't feel like it really makes things better that by the end he moved himself from the role of the Villain to the role of the Wife #they are still roles that impact how he interacts with reality n still constrict how well he's able to understand or be understood by Bingh #tl;dr.: Shen Yuan needs to become less of a delulu millennial trashfire bc it's holding both of them back from healing #anyway these are my unfiltered Bingqiu thoughts take it or leave it

[figofswords]

anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already

#the problem is. actually there are several problems #1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic #2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought #3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing #so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing #so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better #unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting #but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week #I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March #the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself. #well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look #and also I would feel bad #I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN #and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going #but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting #I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing #just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC #I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!! #stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!! #but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread #I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh

[hollypies]

I lied. Death time

#art #help how do i anatomy #have a nice death #have a nice death art #yeahh i dunno. just felt like drawing himb. #been playing the game a bit. i got addicted so ive had to put it down for now. or at least limit my hours. #the have a nice death discord is super cool tho. specially if you need help with sometjing #useful because its got a lot smaller fanbase than others so i go to them if i need help with something #uhm. ive just been in a bit of a . decline lately? dunno what it is lol. been burnt out #ill be fine dw ! it happens sometimes. judt need to figure out whats bothering me cuz even im not sure #probably just me feeling obligated to draw only like. three things for my art blog instead of. yknow. doing what i want #which is completely my fault but i know people dont like my other art ad much as hk or sky. it. bums me out #which again!! is on me! im so glad people like that art i! i just need to get out of the mindset. its hard though #i guess posting this is breaking the cycle a bit huh #hehe

[werewolfoffeverswamp]

there’s something so alluring about the idea of living in a perpetual horror movie to me. like a time loop. specifically a paranormal one where you could never make it out alive. in the same sense of “heaven is a place where nothing really happens” (from the talking heads song Heaven), being trapped in a story where there’s only one ending and you suffer through whatever horrors are laid out for you (but they are laid out exactly as they are and always will be, and they are laid out for YOU) sounds like. morbidly peaceful. no need to worry what happens next, you already know. and you’ve done it a hundred times. of course you’re in pain but it’s intimately familiar and maybe you don’t even register your suffering anymore. and you’re not preoccupied by your performance in this dance anymore either— it feels like whatever you do, the same events occur, but you’re an actor in a story and you never had free will to begin with. anyways. it just sounds kind of nice 👍

#^voice of a guy who would be fine if he was trapped in a time loop bc he puts so much value and emphasis into the mundane #cro talks #it’s late but i’ve been thinking about this for like a week now. am i insane or is this like. even mildly relatable #also to expand on that talking heads lyrics— it just makes me sad to think about. the idea of a perfect place being completely uneventful— #and just the same few experiences over and over again exactly the same? i mean like. true. tbh #sad not in the sense that i’d hate that if it happened to me but overcome with jealousy and desperation #this is where arguments of free will vs predetermination really get to me. i DO believe in free will. but is it so bad to wish for — #predetermination instead? take your hands off the wheel and do whatever you want. everything will happen as it always would have. #anyways #feeling normal about this. feeling regular #please let me know if this sounds crazy i’d like to know. not that i care i’m just curious #horror

[wispscribbles]

*whispers* hey gang. i finished writing ‘no rest for the wicked’. will post it one of the next days after reading it through <3

#i just know I’m gonna stress about posting it lol #but it’s fine it’s cute #chapter 12 + epilogue are 15k words #never again will i post a multichaptered fic before it is completely finished first #but nrftw rly means a lot to me #feel like I’ve improved my writing a bit while working on it #but I’m rambling and should sleep #tomorrow i Will READ and polish the mess I’ve written #and hopefully the ppl who’ve enjoyed this fic so far will find the ending satisfying #ok good night done rambling now

[pinkieroy]

Somethings that bother me about the "laudna and imogen have no conflict" or "their conflict (gnarlrock) was resolved too fast" is both the idea that for a ship (or simply the dynamic between two characters) to be considered any good there is a need to have constant disagreement, but what bothers me the most is that that kind of dynamic just wouldn't fit those character, it feels like those people are saying "I would ship them if everything about the ship was different", and more importantly all those long post I've read just seem to ignore the foundation in which this relationship was built, for 2 years (more or less) they only had each other, they lived nomad lives and they were each other's only constant, with that in mind, it is easy to understand why they can solve their disagreements the way they do, they are used to each other, they are used to relying on each other, they had to learn to accommodate to the other's needs before the campaign started, and if this is somehow boring to you fine, I have disliked a fandom's most popular ship before I know how annoying it is, but some of those posts sound like op thinks the dynamic between them should be completely changed for the ship to be appealing, and they are stated like facts, as if everyone else just has a bad taste in media for liking it, and it just bothers me a lot because this is just having different tastes in media, which is fucking normal, but because of the way some people frame their arguments it sounds like they feel like they are the beholder of an objective truth that others lack the media literacy to see.

#i have more to say but i'm sleepy #like i don't necessarily agree with the no conflict thing i just see that because of the time spent together and how much they love #each other they have learned how to navigate through conflict (maybe i can write about it tomorrow) #but my tl;dr for this post is #dude you just don't like it it isn't for you it is fine #say t*mgreg never made me feel anything but i don't make posts saying how their relationship should be completely different #because i just accept the fact that it isn't for me #imodna #text #going to sleep now byeeee

[nyaskitten]

To be quite honest I think the way a lot of ppl go ab the idea of a Ninjago rewrite is kinda funny.

Like, it's not the WRITER'S faults they constantly have to shelve story arcs and character development, they're constantly stuck switching everything based on how Lego wants to do things that specific year lmao.

SURE, there are a lot of weird inconsistencies and it's annoying how much they leave vague, but at the end of the day it's a dumb Lego show and the whole purpose is for kids to insert their own silly ideas wherever and whenever.

Ninjago isn't meant to be some hyper-intelligent show with the greatest depth and plot ever, it's a silly kid's show that kids can put their silly stories in whenever they wanna !!!

Ninjago's "ridiculous flaws and continuity errors and crazy inconsistencies" are part of the appeal!!!!

#Idk ive been thing ab my rewrite more and realized the WHOLE way I was going ab like literallh everrything was fucking ridiculous #like why am I trying to take everything so serious when the source material is hahahaha goofy silly lego kids show??? #not everything has to be some big crazy something and I feel like that's completely fine. #ninjago #god ive been trying beyond too hard #now a lot is going in the scrap bin what the fuck raine couldn't u have realized this shit sooner #that is to say my rewrite isnt gonna be as dark as I was kinda planning anymor #crazy dark moments? shore! but like the whole thing? nope!

[evansbby]

I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…

#it makes my heart literally SINK like… #now how am I supposed to post wg4 which is 25k words???? #it will not get any interaction and I’m just done #like I just cannot post it #it’ll legit kill me 🥲🥲🥲🥲 to see it flop #after I poured my heart and soul into writing something so fucking long and making sure it was good #just bc I knew I had to give you guys something long and exciting to read #but what’s the point #like I cannot believe it… I literally just cannot believe it and I don’t want to post anything anymore #omfg #I know many people will read this and roll their eyes and find this annoying #like I’m complaining or whatever #honestly think what you want to think #I’m just so shocked and legit unhappy #like so fucking unhappy #like bummed the fuck out #that it’s come to this #I don’t wanna post shit anymore lol #idk if it’s the algorithm or genuinely people don’t fuck with my fics anymore #I just don’t understand #but you guys have to understand how it would kill me on the inside if I posted a 25k fic and it got next to no interaction #like I just…. #I’m scared it would make me quit writing completely #bc I’m THIS close #I feel so fucking sad bro idek #like it makes me wanna fucking cry #how… a few months ago everything was fine #now it feels like everyone’s gone #and I wasted my fucking time writing a chapter so fucking long that no one’s gonna read #WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME