#but ive never actually been sure

[cistematicchaos]

Sometimes, I’m genuinely just kind of slapped over the idea with how disabled I am. I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and I actually had to go out for it and it kinda sucked, mostly because I fucking forgot that when I’m in rooms with numerous people in it, I can’t understand what most people are saying, especially when they have masks on. 

It just sounds like jibberish to me, which makes answering questions really fucking hard and apparently annoys a lot of people. It’s moments like that where I realize how disabling that is (I don’t know what you call it, but I call it A Disability), standing in line, in a decently quiet waiting room, with a nice nurse asking you questions and you’re trying to figure out what the fuck she’s saying even though you know you understand the language she’s speaking, it’s just your brain has fucking given up on you.

She, and the other nurses, were actually really nice about it, which is a nice change because my primary care doctor is a complete dick over it. But it was still just kind of exhausting, standing there with my cane, in a fuck-ton of pain, for another dumbass appointment that will go nowhere, only to find yet another barrier in front of me put there by my own fucking brain. 

#disability #actually disabled #what is this #maybe internalized ableism ig? #i dunno #cripple shit #i actually figure it has something to do with being autistic #like my first thought years ago was 'mhh prbly the autism' #but ive never actually been sure #i've always had it #and never really got around to figuring out wtf it is #chaos is speaking #chronic pain #sorry to rant ig #its just #very annoying #it makes me feel. #i hate to say stupid bc i KNOW thats an ableist concept #but that's how it makes me feel #bc that's how ppl treat me bc of it #so ig i've kind of internalized that #and im just a bit tired of feeling like that ig :/

[pokeberry5]

something like tim convinces himself that robin has to be a Boy™ and then steph becomes robin and shatters that conviction and all his repressed gender feelings come spilling out, but actually letting go of that conviction isn’t all that easy

if there's no homoerotic tension between you and the manifestation of your alter-ego that you’ve constructed in your mind, do you really have identity issues?

closeups + refs (leyendecker) + bonus:

#sart #dc #probably gets resolved by tim watching steph in action and having not-conversations about his function as a vigilante w bruce and dick #im not sure how to tag this ? bc to me it’s somewhere between a metaphor and tim taking his compartmentalization too far and an actual ship #but ive also been affectionately referring to this as timcest #so take that as you will #tim really has me reaching unparalleled levels of blorbo brain rot #i was in the dairy aisle like man i want to draw tim in a dress but I’ve also never drawn tim in a suit #and things spiraled 😌

[deoidesign]

A frustrating development with the growing lack of reading comprehension I've personally noticed is an emerging fervor of insisting things aren't canon unless they are explicitly stated beyond all reasonable doubt.

I can not emphasize enough how harmful a mindset this is to have. Yes, it's wonderful to have characters outright say "I'm trans," but to deny a character's identity for not saying that is dangerous.

Plenty of real people prefer not to use specific labels. Historically, people didn't have our modern terms or modes of expression. Many modern cultures don't use these terms, either, and plenty of people within those that do can't safely openly identify.

If the only representation you accept as canon is within modern (and let's be honest, wealthy white able-bodied American) standards, then you are denying yourself and others a huge amount of representation and seriously limiting the media around you.

#remembering how people were like hmm its not actually canon that Steve is trans and adam is nonbinary... #steve doesnt fucking know what 'trans' is hes an unhoused time traveling cowboy like!!! #after an arc. about werewolves. and how people become werewolves because theyre unhappy with their lives. #especially specifically regarding their body/gender #and how adam explicitly says 'your family never saw you as a man' #AND THEN FOLLOWS IT UP. with referring to Steve as 'the man who chose' #like for fucks sake #you are being deliberately and willfully ignorant if you say its not canon. #your ideas of transness are extremely extremely limited if it doesnt include people who dont use the word. #god. ugh. ive been annoyed by this since that episode came out #dont even get me started on how people barely noticed adam is nonbinary.mm #they said they dont wanna be called a boyfriend. come on!!! come on!!!! #how can i make it clearer without them saying shit they woildnt say and have no context for!!!! #scream. #anyways. #delete later lol im just frustrated again. #im not even sure i worded this how i wanted to

[cloudysfluffs]

HI HI I saw in your tags that you take AT requests, if it's not too much trouble could you draw prismo? Lee or ler, either is good xp Also no pressure!! I rlly love your art🫶🫶

HIII thank you first of all!!!!!!!! and OFC id love to draw prismo!!!!!!!!!<33333

im a huge sucker for prisjake sorry :PPP they make me absolutely insane /pos

#tickle art #my art #i am so so so so normal :33333 #also im sure anyone looking for prismo t content has already seen it but just in case EVERYONE GO LOOK AT TICKLETAILS' ART IMMEDIATELY #theyr my fave artist in the community their stuff BANGS every time #ive actually been looking for an excuse to make tk art of prismo i just never got around to it. ive been super stressed lately lol #but my boyf (who isnt even into this show) has been begging me for it because we LOVE the 'lee in a wall' trope #its happened 2 times in media we like which isnt a lot but isnt it weird that it happened twice #anyway #adventure time tickle #fionna and cake tickle #lee!prismo #ler!jake #can you guys tell ive never drawn the scarab before

[odysseys-blood]

i think its very fun to consider the mc as another king like obviously not the same way as the devil kings but in two ways: one being that you are the descendant of the wise king, solomon, and what he had has been inherited by you, but also as in the mc having rule over a very small, but wholly devoted kingdom.

and by that i mean minhyeok.

sure it was a kids game, him swearing his loyalty to you and you ordaining him as your knight, but that kids game became his reality. he is your only subject but he will never leave you. whatever he can do to protect you, he'll jump to it in a heartbeat even if in the end it costs him his life. but a king cannot be a king with no one to rule, which is why when it was your turn to save him there was no hesitation to literally make a deal with the devil to keep him alive. and he will wait as long as it takes until you return and he can be by your side again

#cliffnotes/.txt #whb #what in hell is bad #ive been rotating loyal/minhyeok stuff in my head ugghhhghh #also funny i named my mc that before i knew what was going down in the game. thats just what i picked before starting #ive never changed it either #i just knew ☝🏽 #i also like to think of this as being something that puts the mc on more level footing with the others bc of solomons influence but also #their own role playing king since childhood #how long does an actor play a role before its no longer just a role yknow #when the curtains wont drop it starts to become reality because theres no one else you can be. the play isnt ending #because somewhere along the way it stopped being just a play. its a way of life now #edit: i forgot to say but the knighting thing is in one of minhyeok's side stories! #i believe in ch2 or 3 i went to find the screenshots to make sure i didnt make up that convo in my head #then forgot to check where it actually was.

[theygotlost]

Yossarian was cold, too, and shivering uncontrollably. He felt goose pimples clacking all over him as he gazed down despondently at the grim secret Snowden had spilled all over the messy floor. It was easy to read the message in his entrails. Man was matter, that was Snowden’s secret. Drop him out a window and he’ll fall. Set fire to him and he’ll burn. Bury him and he’ll rot, like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden’s secret. Ripeness was all.

#catch 22 #john yossarian #artists on tumblr #mine #post for my 2 catch 22 mutuals ☝☝☝ #ive never actually draw like. actual guts before and i didnt want to get too gross so i just kept it abstract shapes #ive been drawing a lot of blood and murder and violence and killing lately surely this is in no way indicative of my mental state #gore cw #gore

[puppyeared]

Its really freeing when “gender is just a construct” really sinks in and you dont see yourself identifying with any pre-existing gender that the answer is “wait I can just make my own gender lol.” So. Hello everyone. Im pupgender now

#I still use he/she/they and if someone asks I’ll probably still say nonbinary unless its someone I trust this information with #I just. wanted something made just for me. thats it lol #I get that its important to some people to belong and I think if they really want to find a community who shares the way they feel #about themselves thats actually so wholesome and beautiful #its just that im tired of saying im not really sure what I am whenever it comes up in conversation #because I DO know what I am its just that its not exactly something u would call a gender. except u can and I just did it #this also doesnt mean I use pup/pups pronouns even if it fits the neopronoun naming scheme. I just need something to call myself that #feels like me I guess #Ive never been good at staying self contained in terms of identity so might as well #yapping #diary

[scourgebff]

‼️ ASC: WIND SPOILERS ‼️

GUYS THE FROSTPAW AND SHADOWSIGHT INTERACTION IS HAPPENING NOW IT BEGINS WE CAN ONLY GO UP FROM HERE IF THE ERINS DONT FUMBLE THIS INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS AND EASY BAG. START MANIFESTING NOW SHADOWFROST BEST FRIENDS NATION.

i would legitimately give my first born for a scene of her teaching him to meditate, or him relating his past struggles with being abandoned by his clan and made out to be a villain when he really was a victim to what she is experiencing right now… come on i need this. i need this.

#asc spoilers #wind spoilers #warrior cats spoilers #ive been saying this since day 1 but jfc they can do SO SO SO MUCH with shadow’s character and frost’s at the same time #which ive never seen them actually canonically do with others before iirc #like the parallel is SO blatantly obvious its perfect.. plus tbc happened only a few years ago so surely they didnt completely forget abt #shadows story and how perfectly it would align with frost’s that fast right? right!!???

[joelletwo]

now this is gonna sound really stupid and i need no one to call me stupid about it -> it turns out when u make food that is more than the bare minimum to be edible. ie make it a lil fancy w a lot of flavors and textures going on (scary to me <- autist). u want to eat it more. and even tho its more work. sometimes the prospect of eating something that actually tastes great is motivating enough to get u thru the work. and so conversely it is easier to keep up a consistent eating routine. bc ur not also constantly bailing on planned mediocre dinners to eat all ur backup stock of emergency instant meals.

#YOU KNOW. i mean most of u probably genuinely know. sometimes theres a delicate balance of. #u cut back u cut back u cut back so u can get stuff done despite the [disability] [lack of spoons] and u live in Bare Minimum Land #and then at some point u think abt adding stuff in and its like oh yeah i forgot i can do that. i forgot i can expend a little extra #effort. SOMETIMES. it doesnt always work which is why i never want to be called an idiot for playing it safe and minimum lol. #ive got. no one else doing this stuff for me. so i always want to make sure i have enough budgeted energy for stuff like. eating #once a day at least. lol. lolllllllll. is that enough justifying myself. ive been eating okay lately. even w the diet change. and its nice #altho also eating more regularly means i actually go thru my bought food quicker means i have to buy more. 'SPENSIVE. in 2024

[napping-sapphic]

Sure it’s still only january but maybe i am already mourning again that i won’t get to make origami flowers for someone this valentine’s day leave me alone

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #when i tell yall i LOVE valentines day😭❤️❤️❤️ #ive never been in an actual relationship so i never get to do much for it #because yeah self valentines and friend valentines are super fun BUT #hnggggg let me be romantic PLS #i wanna do crafts and make homemade gifts and buy the cute valentines day stuffed animals #saw a lobster one today and am still sure it was the universe taunting me #i LOVE lobsters let me buy you the heart lobster stuffed animal pleaseeeeeeee #im gay and i like sleeping

[omppupiiras]

inside me there are two wolves: my inability to draw teeth/mouths and my desire to draw any picture of him smiling i see

#käärijä #plus ive been drawing either corn pea kä or silly doodles of him so much it's rotting my ability to draw anything else #if i ever had any ability to properly draw ppl LOL it's depatable im always flying by the seat of my pants and hoping for the best #anyone else have those drawings u do that kinda make you hate drawing or is it just me sigh #also i think the hardest part about drawing him (besides everything else) is capturing the essence of him you know??? #like im never sure if my drawings of him actually Look like him #my stuff

[sonknuxadow]

sorry i dont really like the shadow is silvers dad theory/headcanon/whatever and part of the reason for it is that people keep presenting it as an actual thing that could be possible even though it makes no sense and all "evidence" people use to back it up is easily disputed

#''they both have white chest fur'' okay ? there are so many other characters who have small physical traits in common #doesnt mean they have to be related #''shadow and silver are lancelot and galahad in sonic and the black knight'' okay and . #im sure there might be SOME meaning to the character choices in the storybook games but i highly doubt their lives are 1 to 1 parallels #or that the character choices are meant to imply anything about the characters that we dont already know #plus amy was nimue and nobody tries to argue that shadow and amy are related because of that? #also im aware that a lot of dad shadow stuff takes place in the future when silver is a baby and shadow has still been alive for a long tim #(which. how would that even work wasnt shadow in stasis again in the future) #but sometimes i see people do it with like present day shadow being a father figure to the silver who time traveled there ? #thats like the horrible combination of people infantilizing silver in a way they dont do with other characters his age or younger #and people pretending shadow is an adult when he isnt . what #also i dont get why people insist that if shadow is silver's dad then the other parent MUST be someone from the existing cast #like . silver is not from a few decades into the future hes from 200 years into the future #none of the characters youre saying shadow is gonna get with are gonna be living that long im sorry to say #and why does silver HAVE to be the child of a couple in the existing cast why cant he just be some random guy #and im not saying every au idea has to perfectly align with canon #but a lot of the people who think shadow is silvers dad arent presenting it as a fun little baseless headcanon #theyre presenting it as an actual plausible theory . when it really isnt . #also ive noticed one of the most common pairings for silvers parents is sonic and shadow . #sorry but that is just not happening i feel so strongly about sonic never wanting to get married or have kids #i think shadow being an older brother figure to silver could be cute . #and the idea of a timeline where shadow doesnt die or get put into stasis or whatever the hell and is still around in silvers time #could be interesting . but im not really on board with the dad thing

[attackoneyebrows]

i miss you.

#station 19 #station19edit #maya x carina #maya bishop #carina deluca #station 19 spoilers #what kills me is maya doesnt even have a proper support network #she has no one in her corner except carina (whos rightfully distancing rn) #shes basically dealing w all of this alone (clearly too proud to ask for help also) #and carinas not wrong......maya wants to 'get back on track' for sure #whether it's her career or her marriage she doesnt want to derail either #shes doing these thing bc theyre boxes to tick on this 'path to get better' #i really hope they explore this further bc she needs to actually want this for herself #and thats the cognitive shift of believing in inherent self worth vs associating it with accomplishments #sigh but idk if they'll explore this angle or just have them back together in 2 eps #i want maya to love herself first before she offers that role to anyone else #also it's been awhile since ive gifed lighting this bad lmao #takes me back to lost girl days (it will never be as bad as lost girl days)

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[nopefer-art-tu]

sooooo....

who do y'all think is the dark-haired movie star that jack has a picture of pinned up in his childhood bedroom? 👀

PERSONALLY, I think it's either James Dean or Ricky Nelson. I think the more realistic of the two options is Ricky Nelson, though. I'd love for it to have been James Dean just because a lot of people compare Heath as Ennis to James Dean as Jett Rink in Giant. I'm not so sure if that's based on the performance they give, or if it's based purely on their aesthetics alone, but like. Heath really did have that James Dean cool down as Ennis (if only a slighttt bit more awkward). And I mean...c'mon, look at this picture and tell me that Jack wouldn't, at least for a moment, see Ennis standing outside of Aguirre's office and think immediately of his boyhood crush

No wonder Jack was pulling at any excuse to eye him up lol!!

The only reason I don't think it could realistically be James is bc he was a dirty blond, just like Heath was c': and the short story specifically says it was a dark-haired movie star!

#i have never actually seen this get discussed on the old brokeback forums and i am eager to hear opinions #altho...i'm not sure how many ppl are familiar w hollywood starlets of the 50s and 60s lol 😭 #brokeback mountain #ennis del mar #heath ledger #jack twist #jake gyllenhaal #james dean #yes jimmy you get your own tag on this post too... #still brokeback posting #anyways i have a whole like ficlet idea ive been playing w in my head surrounding the dark haired movie star photo besides jacks bed n #i just got curious

[yuuugay]

all of em are pretty different since i didnt think it through jskbcdkjavcd but the 4 gods from @uroboros-if 👍👍👍👍👍

#uroboros if #all their hair is moving one way or another because my shaky ass hands could never straight line #also because im fruity #this will be the first and last time i draw salv's hair ornament because that itself took me a hot minute #it was fun lowkey #lineart kinda like that though #very one track minded #i dont notice anything else but this digital black line i control #it wsa therapeutic #and i was listening to butterfly by loona #im pretty sure i blacked out while drawing masc ciocana because it took me 15 minutes and i dont remember what happened kqshbjlsdv #once again debby ryan hair tucking gif at alessi because 🥺👉👈🥺👉👈 hand in marriage till death do us apart pls #i love uroboros man :((( ive been thinking of it 4 the past days #actually my thoughts are mostly just; #shepherds of haven and hero maker and uroboros and doing a sht ton line art #this is like probably my 8th lineart this weekened #plus 1 for acorn bell #so 9 technically #im pretty proud of myself