#but its a learning process for both of them

[ruthlesslistener]

Actually quick thing re: the last post bc people are being shit idiots in the notes: someone walking a person wearing a pup hood is not out of place for pride. Kink and pride are inherently linked. Kink is merely an expression of sexuality and doesn't even inherently involve sex, and the whole condemnation of kinks was how homophobia gets justified to begin with- don't go to a celebration of sexuality and freedom of expression and then gag when people are

'But think of the CHILRREENNNN' kids either think its just silly adults playacting (correct) or they're teenagers who are either a.) aware of sex and kinks already or b.) Are in the process of learning about it to begin with, which is a process that can involve a lot of shame and self-hatred. People proudly displaying their kink gear without engaging in sexual intercourse is not 'endangering' them its just a means of incedentally exposing them to something they're already going to seek out in a safe environment. Its fucking fine okay. It's no worse than a hetero couple flirting in public, it's just bc pup hoods and leather is deeply associated with gay men that it gets such a bad rap and y'all know it

The danger with teenagers getting involved with anything sexual is bc adults can use it as a leverage to abuse and exploit them, both physically and mentally. Sexual expression ITSELF is not the problem and pretty much anyone who's gone through puberty is already going to be developing kinks and learning to understand their own sexuality anyways. It's better to show them to a place where they can get resources on what it is, how to engage with it safely and learn that it's not something to hate about themselves than acting like its a loaded gun that's going to shoot them the second they lay eyes on it, for fuck's sake

#pride #im aro and tired okay #and i went through a whole lot of self-hatred alone before i figured out what i liked was okay #i dont want others to feel the same

[dyke-pollinator]

This is a bit of a personal question so if you don’t want to answer I understand if you just delete this ask but

As a relatively younger trans woman, and especially new to actually exploring my sexuality…at what point do I feel like a lesbian? Like I always feel bad or weird for being attracted to lesbians. It always feels wrong or amoral or like I’m lying in some way idk

I apologize for taking a few days to answer this my dear anon. A combination of Pride and IRL stuff has left me exhausted and I wanted to make sure I really took the time to give you a good answer and my bad for the wall of text you're about to receive lol.

There's a lot I could say about this. For the sake of this post, I'm going to assume that by "younger" you mean both in your transition and your age. Transition is hard. Finding yourself is hard. To answer your question, it takes Time. And I mean this in two specific ways:

Transition is a slow process. As you continue your transition, (whatever that means to you, whether that be social, medical, both, or neither, or something else entirely) you'll find a lot of things just making more sense. The labels might slowly start to be more comfortable. Or maybe they wont, and you'll switch to new ones, but that deeper sense of understanding yourself doesn't really go away (trust me I've changed both my labels and pronouns multiple times now lol). Either way, despite anything else, over time you'll just start to feel more at home, both in your body, and how you present yourself to the world. Now this is both the scary part and the hard part: you have to take steps to find a community who accepts you as you are, and (ideally) with people like you. Yeah this requires you to put yourself out there in a way that will be uncomfortable at first. Yeah, sometimes its going to go poorly, and you'll be rejected, or shunned. And yes, it will take its toll on you mentally, emotionally and (sometimes) physically. Its worth it. Having those people in your life does more than you can know in learning how to love and accept yourself. Having people look you in the eye and tell you that they love you, they see you, you're valid in who you are, no matter what anyone else says, is just so crucial.

You just get older. I know for a lot of people that can be frightening (and like, yeah, sometimes), but I can tell you with full confidence, I LOVE being in my 30s. You couldn't pay me to go back to 20. Your teen years and 20s are fucking hard. You just get so much better at knowing which things to give a shit about in your life and you get the necessary resources to be able to not give a shit. Most days I feel like a lesbian (more of a Dyke but w/e), so I am one, no one can take that from me, and the people who dont like me using that label can fuck off. I wear more masc clothes and have more masc hobbies because I want to and that doesn't define my gender or sexuality. I like doing mutual aid projects, and working on honing my DIY skills. I love the people who are in my life and tell them unapologetically, and I appreciate every day I get to spend with them. As I get older, the more I feel like "me" and the more I learn that in reality, I do love that person. She's actually pretty great.

I hope you can trust me that it gets better. That, in spite of all the pain, all of the heartbreak, the loss and tribulations, its fucking worth it. I know I didn't think so for a long, long time. But my god I am so happy I made it here. You'll get to that point to.

#asks #Gonna tag the shit out of this even when I usually dont since id like folks to see it #trans #transfemme #lgbtq #queer #lesbian #transwomen #lgbtqia #transbian #trans woman #nonbinary

[sorenlionheart]

gonna be honest, despite all the love drama in the comics, i still genuinely see sonally as a relationship without labels. not that they don't have romantic feelings for one another or don't use them at all but since they don't really align with societies expectations of romance they decide to use labels very sparingly. neither of them really know what to expect or what they should expect from a relationship so they just don't put a label on it. but if sonic was to be called sally's boyfriend she probably wouldn't deny it, y'know? they both know their feelings run deeper than they let on but it's not something that they're really worried about. they probably have a conversation about this stuff but since neither of them have a clue of how romance works (or how it's "supposed" to work) they decide they'll just take it one day at a time and they can worry about labels another time.

if any of this makes any sense, i feel like this is probably a very ace (and neurodivergent) way of seeing their relationship but that's how i feel

#soren.txt #sonally #anyways they are my blorbos i love them very much #i never rly post in tags anymore outside of the occasional art posts and im posting this at 8 am on no sleep if you haven't noticed lol #but seriously i never understood why some adaptions of sonic make him into this flirtatious guy? it makes no sense to me #he'd only be a flirt to get what he wants /lh #not that he'd never flirt period but i feel like he'd be a lot more comfortable with it in private (and later on in their relationship) #but its a learning process for both of them #it takes sally even longer to muster the courage to even flirt back #because i also like to think that sonic is one of the few people who sees sally as someone more than just a princess #and someone more than the leader of the freedom fighters. because she's so much more than that. and vice versa with sally towards sonic #so when they're alone they feel more free to just be themselves #because they know those expectations aren't being thrusted upon them #this got more rambley than expected hi i care about my first otp a lot

[ruporas]

deserving to be held

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #i feel like i made many pieces with this similar message but its just bc the thought of vashwood coming from loved backgrounds and having #been taught how to love.. been taught how to care and knows what that feels like and then having it ripped violently from them for years #to the point they're both afraid to touch each other and feel undeserving of the love they receive even though they both know they love the #other and yearn for it deeply #it's a long healing process and i dont think they had enough time to fully process it together but at least #they can steadily learn the warmth of another again before the end #correct me if im wrong but the only time canonically that vashwood hugged was in vol 10 and it actually sends me into ruins #u know. the half hug when vash caught ww and gripped his side like that. #like hoooow whyyyy waughhauhguhgss #ruporas art

[mochapanda]

also isnt it kinda crazy how even thought kabru hates monsters and killing them is his main driving force hes never once considered learning as much as he can about monsters and instead chose to learn everything about dealing with people instead? to the point where he keeps getting killed by basic monsters but can handle just about any social conflict and kill other humans with ease

#when the fatal flaw created by trauma directly influences their main goals man. #both the dungeon in utaya and having milsiril as a mother completely warped his priorities and methods of achieving his goals #its just so. interesting to think about. #like hes so focused on the bigger picture of dismantling the dungeon altogether and dealing with the dungeon lord #he cant see the steps to getting there involve being incredibly familiar with monsters bc he has too many painful memories of them #(contrast with laios having no clue what hed do with the dungeon but enjoying learning about it and monsters instead) #biggest example of top down vs bottom up processing influencing like. the entire fucking story. so cool #AND LIKE KABRU DOESNT EVEN HAVE TO LIKE MONSTERS IN THE END! HE STILL CANT DEAL WITH THEM AND ITS PERFECTLY OKAY #he can instead hone the skills he has for a humanitarian approach to dealing with the dungeon and it works so perfectly and UGH its so good #ily kabru

[uncanny-tranny]

It's always weird when people are like, "Oh, you being [x minority] made me stop hating/reconsider my bigotry toward [minority]!"

Not only is it weird from the standpoint of "wow, you hated me?" but it's weird to know that you displayed some type of behaviour that proved your humanity to them, and that if you stop displaying that behaviour for any reason, it's possible they'll just slide back into their hatred because they haven't fundamentally challenged why they hated you and your people.

It's fine to grow out of your bigotry, yes, but I'm completely understanding of people being weary of those who are so brazen about how much they hated people like you.

#politics #ask to tag (genuine) #like i've expressed this before and it was like people were assuming i was ungrateful for their growth??? #but it's like... /have/ they outgrown their bigotry if they're almost jovial about just how hateful they were toward minority groups? #i feel like true growth from bigotry is understanding how harmful bigotry is and how you played into that... #...no that doesn't mean groveling about your past and performatively 'apologizing'... #...it means challenging the beliefs you held and learning how to spot them if they try festering back in your mind... #...because groveling isn't the same as growth and neither is pretending like past bigotry is amusing or funny or quirky... #...in my mind both those thought processes still center the 'reformed' bigot and not the people they hurt and held bigoted beliefs about... #...i think both those things are selfish and show (to me) that they may well do still hold those same bigotries but they're hiding them... #...and it will only be a matter of time before that bigotry festers and takes its mask off... #...like that is PRECISELY why bigotry against ~bad people~ is JUST AS BAD as bigotry toward ~good minorities~... #...like transphobia against a trans person who is a terrible excuse for a human is still transphobia. it doesn't matter how bad they are #(just as an example of what i mean)

[itafushin]

thinking about how comforting mk would feel if he came out to mac and wukong and found out that mac is also trans and wukong is genderqueer, it makes mk feel a lot better about how he identifies and would make him feel a little more connected to his parents

#🏮 #squashed apricots #trans mk and trans mac hold a very special place in my heart #i like the idea of mk being grateful and appreciating how supportive his parents are while also being able to use them both as #a place for resources #especially since mac is a doctor. a licensed one. so he could get hormones from him #obviously its a whole complicated process before he can but still #he has that security blanket and he also just loves learning new things esp about his dads #and it would make sense as to why mac and wukong wouldnt really make a big deal about mk coming out at all #lmk wukong #lmk mk #lmk macaque #lego monkie kid #shadowpeach

[tovaicas]

sorry I'm whinging about these dungeons again bc I just hate them

#saint.txt #spoilers #major spoilers #ishgardposting #estinienposting #sorry I started thinking again abt how utterly fucked up it is that dragoons are deliberately retraumatized over and over and over again #until they have instinctual reactions to the sound of a dragon roar bc their helmets are specifically designed to make that noise #as the wind passes over them during a jump or fall #and how utterly fucked up that is in the context of esti.nien being who he is and and what he has been forced to live through #and how much the process of the dragonsong war completely and utterly abused him moreso than literally anyone else in any other conflict #and how he's a literal child soldier and how this trauma means nothing to his character in the grand scheme of things bc his HW writing #never manages to live up to its potential bc he's just so flat and fails to fulfill even his role as the ishgardian foil to nid.hogg #bc as written he is not actually an angry character in a way that's actually a character flaw #which made me remember this conversation and how much I hate the aery / sohm al and what they represent dvhbbjhgdf #and like it's particularly disappointing bc even if we have to keep both they *do* have actual potential but they just don't. #both of the dungeons are fucking horrific events in the course of the war. this is never engaged with seriously bc the Horde have no nuance #They are just enemies for you to kill and the morality of immediately slaughtering dragons in their own sacred spaces and homes #esp. after you have literally just learned they are sentient and have lives and are not responsible for the war you're fighting #is never engaged with and is glossed over bc the Horde are mindless animals to kill and esti.nien as a man is always right #it just annoys me so much bc all the pieces are literally right there.

[kingtankgirl]

so i work in the produce department of a food co-op n its a pretty huge co-op (u probably know exactly which one i work at if u know literally anything abt me cuz its pretty famous n successful) in the central valley of california so like. we get SO MUCH FRUIT. SO MUCH. cuz we are partnered with dozens of local farmers and because its stone fruit season like, theres always new shit to try. so a big part of my job is spent standing in the back with my coworkers n slicing up peaches n plums n melons n sharing them with each other. n one of my coworkers was like man food always tastes better when im trying it at work, like when i take it home to eat its never as good. and i was like yknow its probably because youre standing here, taking a break from work, and sharing it with people u rly like (another blessing is that our dept is very tight knit) n everyone was like man that's so true ive never realized that. n im moving in a few months and i gotta say i really will always appreciate how much of my job was just. slicing up fruit and handing it to people i care about with a smile. ill miss that. n even just providing locally grown organic food (some of which is certified regenerative which is rly cool n i love talking to ppl abt how regenerative organic farming is sooo important for climate change) to the people who live in the valley ive spent my whole life in. i wldve enjoyed making a career at this co-op but unfortunately im too disabled + the moving thing but yeah. meditating on the good things abt my job cuz im abt to go clock in LMAO

#like theres a lot of shit stuff abt my job. like any job. but the basics of it r like really chill #n i have learned sooo much abt farming and food and growing processes and stuff #Everything we serve hot at the deli and everything in produce department is all organic which like yeah 'organic' is whatever #but i do know that pesticides and herbicides only encourage species to learn to adapt to them which will be #an increasing issue as climates continue to warm. but also its rly fucking expensive n hard to feed people when ur only #using organic growing practices. BUT WHATEVER. i see both sides #but like all our meat n stuff is local which is SUPER IMPORTANT and really awesome #im just thankful. like its never perfect but im glad i work at a place that is Really Trying at its core #and co-ops are fucking cool. i love when things are employee/community owned. period

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life #i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly #but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand #many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts #but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min #i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee #tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words #problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not #hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important #info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in #discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry #too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read #so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted #i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful #bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam #thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes #i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere #its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle #and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment: #intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate #also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony #but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis #lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt #built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source #unrelated #also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out #thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray

[paul-simon-juggling]

I've seen One Trick Pony more times than I've seen the inside of my own eyelids but I somehow only noticed that Walter's secretary is named Kathy upon reading the script.

#i see you paul #i may well be the last person to notice this but i just thought id point it out #jonah and his tiny cup of coffee #i was obviously too distracted by this and wondering why he has that picture of all things in his office to listen to the dialogue #ive also discovered upon reading the script that the films captions on youtube are horribly innacurate sometimes #between that and my auditory processing disorder reading the script has me learning all sorts of new and forbidden things about this film #one trick pony #one trick pony 1980 #paul simon #simon and garfunkel #simon & garfunkel #s&g #i feel like its just a rule of thumb on here to tag both of them regardless #paul did something and it's about to be art's problem too

[cryptidm0ths]

himeru

#god i apolagise to people who know me irl i litterally cannot shut up about this and its even less coherant than my rambleings here #umyea #theres nothing else #moth chitters #oh the context is im trying to explain why it would be logical for thetre to be an everny centered arounfld the tojo brothers and knm #waking up and them slowly learning how to be a family and also both processing their divergant mommy issues (this bad bog can fit so much #trauma) #and yea

[gibbearish]

vent

#had an issue a while ago where my bf was leaving his dirty clothes in piles on the floor which is fine except when the piles #are kept in the same room as the litterbox and the cat takes that as a cue to start pissing in piles of clothes #so i told him he couldnt do it anymore he said ok and then a bit later i caught the cat right as he was abt to piss in said clothes again #and when i was like 'hey i said you cant do this it can ruin your clothes if it gets left there' and he was like 'oh yeah i know but it's #my clothes so that's a risk i just decided to take' which uhhhh No????? no in so many ways????????? #but i didnt process how wack that is at the time so i just moved on and was like 'no but for real you cant do this anymore like not #a suggestion like legit This Cannot Continur Happening bc the end of this road is that the cat learns pissing in clothes piles is #ok whenever he wants' which did actually get him to stop but that was apparently enough learning time for mr carrot #we've had a few issues with it not toooo bad but its definitely been getting steadily more frequent #anyways guess whose electric blanket got pissed in today bc he left it in a pile on the floor and taught the cat its ok to piss in those #im having trouble giving a shit about it in the ways i should #like. idc that the blanket is maybe ruined #when he bought it he said it was for both of us but its just his so like idc but what i AM feeling is mad at him #cause like. i told him not to #and i shouldn't have HAD to tell him not to‚ 'the cat is pissing in my clothes so i will make it no longer possible for that to happen' #should be a no brainer i cannot imagine going 'welp i guess if it happens it happens' ITS PISS IN YOUR CLOTHES SITTING STALE FOR #WHO KNOWS HOW LONG and now we have to be hypervigilant abt Any Fabric Ever and who knows if itll escalate even further #hes already escalated from exclusively floor fabric to pissing in MY clothes that i was keeping on a table #like. the next stop is obviously couches/beds but like once they learn something its real hard to train them not to #and im just. frustrated that this is just gonna be yet another thing i have to deal with all the time when he shouldve just #Not Decided It Was Fine For The Cat To Piss In His Clothes In The First Place Hello?????!!! #but i also feel bad bc i feel like im holding a grudge about something small but i also Cant Let It Go #usually when the thing im mad abt is something insignificant its annoying for a bit then i let go but im just like !!!!!! what the fuck!!!! #idk. whatever #its his problem now idk how to get the heating psrt separate from the blanket part so i just sprayed some urine enzyme #on it and he can figure out wtf to do with in once he gets home in like two hours #and if thats too long and the smell gets baked in. oh well i guess #he hasnt been able to smell since we got covid anyways so like. its whatever i guess he can stew in a cat piss blanket if he wants #but i also cant tell if this is just a side effect of my General Irritability over the last few months and i really am mad abt nothing #ESPECIALLY because i keep saying it doesnt really directly effect me at this point then its like ok why are you so mad abt it then

[pansyfemme]

its such a digital art pet peeve of mine when someone doesnt make an effort to learn a program like u spent 900$ on an ipad and you dont know how to switch layer modes?? there r literally tutorials everywhere

#procreate and csp both have dedicated yt channels for tutorials and dedicated forums and guide sites #with answers to pretty much anything you could possibly want to know #and photoshop has probably ten times that as the industry standard program #art can be expensive! get your moneys worth!! #its nice to have high quality tools but you need to learn to use them or its really not going to affect your workflow #digital art is designed to speed up your process but it doesnt work if you dont use the tools that do that

[cutemeat]

more Sunny BitterSweet 16 shit...

this whole Four Walls Whiskey train of thought started cuz I was talking to my best friend last night about how I believe Dennis coming out/getting with Mac (so the gay shit of S16.. the Sweet) is low-key dependent on uh... Frank not being around anymore in some capacity (the depressing shit of S16.. the Bitter) ... cuz listen, I knew someone who Dennis reminds me of... like a lot.

The person I’m talkin about was my cousin’s uncle and he was really cagey and angry for a long time whenever he was around visiting with family and everyone was always like ‘why is he so angry all the time?’ and my mother was the only one who ever thought ‘... it’s cuz he’s gay and in the closet.’ (because she had some friends in the 90′s who were gay, so she was more familiar with those experiences than the rest of the family was) but no one believed her at the time... then eventually he moved away to NYC, far farrr away from the family, and finally got to be himself there and felt so much better.. but then he would still feel really on edge when he was at home. Like that super short fuse would come right back... But then his (very conservative and homophobic) mother who lived back home died. And after that, he finally came out to the family and introduced his boyfriend etcetc and he got so much more comfortable in general!... I just feel like something similar is happening with Dennis and Frank. lol.

#if u say this is just abt shipping shit i Will bite u #dennis is clearly gay and closeted like. thats the whole joke. thats been the joke. #again hes just more 'subtle' than Mac unless u are like... gay or have known someone who has experienced that kind of struggle #like of course audiences who arent trained to look for that shit wont see it unless its as obvious as they made it with like.. Mac #thats the whole point of MacDen being FOILs anyway... theyre both having the same struggles but it manifests in different levels of #obvious/subtle 'denial'.. it only got more overt with Dennis in S15 which makes me think.. Smth is coming #like they went thru this messy process of Mac 'coming out' unplanned so now they can do that with Dennis but hopefully more effective #since theyve gotten to learn from writing Mac's arc.. #and now that they know Glenn is uh. gonna be on the show LOLOLOL #anyway back to 'thats always been the joke abt dennis' #but thats been the joke abt Mac/Den since like S5. that theyre clearly gay and in this relationship but cant even see it themselves #like rob n charlie werent joking about that part. again ive seen those tv shows genuinely written to be like 'haha they act gay funny!' and #Macden Break Up is NOT like that dude. all right. #until like... Dee who isnt even SUSPICIOUS that could Actually be happening in Macden Break Up.. she was just lashing out at them cuz they #called her a lonely spinster LOL. but it wasnt until someone pointed it out they both became more hyperaware/paranoid n as weird as they #started getting in like S6 onwards... #and she does the same 'joke' in Dee Day.. she just thinks two guys kissing is funny. but for Dennis its not cuz hes gay. like... #thats the whole fuckin thing #the joke IS that dennis feels like.. to someone like Dee or Frank.. his existence is just a big fucking joke. #thats why hes so eager to push that all onto Mac.. he wants a slice of feeling like a 'normal' like who frank wanted him to be #but it still doesnt fill him up. it doesnt actually make him feel better. it only tarnishes his relationship with mac further. and he looks #like a total ass in the process.. #its fuckin sad dude #Glenn has litrlly said before writing Sunny RCG was not 'comedy ppl' n thats esp gotta be true of Glenn n Charlie.. so no i dont believe #everything they write is 'for the laughs'.. cuz theyre not comedy ppl LOL. in all honesty u dont need to be. n they cant write satire #super effectivley anyway n Thats why. theyre not comedy writers. thats why they need like.. Rob Rosell n Scott Marder. #to make it 'comedy' cuz RCG just writes rlly melodramatic characters. BUT #LIKE MELODRAMATIC PPL *ARE* FUNNY.. THESE PPL WHO TAKE THEMSELVES SO SERIOUSLY THEY NEVER REALIZE HOW CRAZY THEY SOUND #THATS GOOD CRINGE COMEDY DUDE. LIKE THE SINCERITY OF IT... THE SERIOUSNESS... but yea. again is why the show suffered so bad #w/o glenn being in the room...

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

having thoughts about nine, and i think one of the biggest things i would personally do to fix him and his role in the story (without making him a flat out villain) is to change the core theme of his character from 'missing stair will not and should not ever be held accountable for their actions,' to:

cruelty and defiance are not the same thing. existing out of spite is not an evil thing; refusing to lay down your weapons under the guise of being small and soft and palatable is not evil; defending yourself and others from being wiped out or made less than you are is not evil. it is not cruel. making good on 'fuck around and find out' can be one of the most important things you will ever do.

and because it's not cruel, it does not excuse cruelty. 'kind does not mean nice' doesn't mean 'cruelty is acceptable as long as it's for a Good Cause'; it also doesn't mean that cruelty in some instances and kindness in others balance each other out. if anything, the latter just ends up becoming part of the former with a different face. it doesn't matter how soft or palatable or loud and rough-edged you are: either your worldview is built on kindness or it isn't, and that will show in how you act on it no matter how hard you try to quarantine one philosophy from the other.

there are lots of other things i'd change; a major one being to pull the fuck up on said cruelty by a LOT, holy shit. as well, don't make him abusive, whether as a) a tactical abuser who pretends his trauma took out the filter he absolutely still has, or b) someone whose trauma has taken out their filter, and left them a disoriented, barely functioning wreck with no idea what the hell is going on inside or outside their own head; whose confused flailing manifests as lashing out in abusive ways, and who wants to do better, and would actually improve with both help and accountability for their actions. that last one has worth as a narrative, but it requires pulling on the sensitivity gloves so far up your arms that it's just a whole spandex suit, and these writers have well and truly proven they are just not fucking capable of that lmao

but in the end, one of the things that does absolutely have to change is that his character has to have a point other than getting away with being a missing stair. there might be other ways to write him as a static character and still a good one; they do have their place! but given that the conventions of the genre would generally involve a growth arc for a character like him, i feel like this interpretation is one that probably falls closest to what they were actually going for.

(or at least, what they wanted to trick the audience into thinking they were going for. lol)

anyway yeah, i have a piggy bank full of cents about this and that is two of them. tl;dr justice for nine, we could have had it all

#lorien legacies #LL number nine #LL crit tag #LL tag #the crit files #take a hammer and FIX the canon #which i think is going to start being my tag for that to differentiate it from just Screaming #bc the other half of the awfulness of recognizing Bullshit is the joy and satisfaction of using that knowledge to create something better #also re: the 'two types of abuser' thing i am planning on going into that in its own post; but the tl;dr is that abuse is a learned skill #the inclination to do it isn't; but the process of putting it into practice /is/ #sometimes people are looking to meet a need and find an easy button to mash to fill it; because unskilled or not #Abuse Works :') #but the patterns of control and manipulation that nine use are ones that require practice; observation of people; and gathering a toolset #even if they haven't had a victim they've managed to Trap yet; they've spent a lifetime developing that skill passively #testing what they can get away with; how people react to things and the effects they have on them; taking notes from other abusers #fine-tuning What Works #post-escape nine is both inclined to be abusive /and skilled at it;/ the first in a way we don't see him at all inclined toward beforehand #and the second in a way he absolutely /could not have learned/ in the circumstances of his life pre-capture; he was completely isolated his #entire teenagerhood; a 30 second exchange about climbing safety was 'one of the longest conversations he'd had with a kid' before maddy #the only place he'd have been able to pick up a toolset like that from would be to lift it wholesale from sandor; and as abusive as sandor #was; & much as you can see some seeds in there of nine's later BS; it's not anything like as much or as blatant as nine would need to copy #and like. tactical abuse vs button-mash abuse is very much a spectrum #but if nine came out of captivity inclined to abuse people it would /absolutely/ not look what we ended up with #it would be HARD on the button-mash side of that spectrum #and what we got was on the same level as him being a bullshit unbeatable charming-and-debonair death machine #and fck y'all writers for portraying trauma and mental illness as magic wands to turn someone into an abuser #to try and force people to like your godawful edgy obnoxious creator's pet; by pretending it makes him sympathetic and complex 😒 #lmao anyway. will probably repeat a lot of this tag rant when i type up The Post about it but yeah