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#but it can read like one so I'm tagging to be safe
pinkieroy · 9 months
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And another thing (this is the last one, I promise, I will stop going on tags and rabbitholing my way into reading discussions i disagree with)
Another thing I don't know where came from is the idea that the rest of the party doesn't interact with their relationship, that it is something isolated and that the others don't comment or interfere with, that it's kept apart from the group, because that is simply not true?
I'm too lazy to look for exact quotes right now, but in episode 65 Ashton was the one, after Laudna's outburst, that insisted for her to go somewhere to reconnect with Imogen, sure Imogen kept saying she would be with Laudna, but Ashton very clearly knew that some time alone with Imogen could make her feel better.
But you also have other things sprinkled out through the campaign like the "are you staring because you are jealous?" From Fearne during the dusk arc, FCG after getting the share dream spell suggesting numerous times to use with them, FCG getting Imogen to kiss Laudna's forehead for the ritual, Orym comparing Imogen's loss to his own six years before, "that dead lady's got a lot of love in her heart", Ashton and FCG helping Laudna on the gift shop, Fearne trying to to help in episode 65 telling Laudna Imogen was thinking about her the whole time.
My point is the party is not alienated from them, they have private moments, sure, but some post I read was talking about how the party doesn't interfere with the "stagnation" of their relationship, which just sounds so weird to me? Where exactly do they need to interfere? Unless one of them was having trouble and was asking for advice (which is something that, ya know, happened) I don't see why they need to interject, unless you want their relationship/dynamic to change, because it is not your cup of tea, so it isn't that the other characters don't interact with their relationship is that you want the interaction to be different (which is valid, I disagree but everyone has their taste in shipping and fiction in general), but trying to say that they keep their relationship far removed from the others is not really true is it?
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orokay · 11 months
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So idk if I can really articulate the way I'm feeling rn to translate it perfectly, but I want you guys to know how much I truly appreciate everyone who's followed me over the years, who has interacted with me in any way no matter how small, and anyone who has shown up recently. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It's probably cheesy to say but everyone here has made my life so much brighter and I feel so unbelievably blessed to have been invited into your lives in some way, even if it's just as someone who sometimes shows up on your dash.
I decided to scroll through my tag on here and the way people have supported me over the years though everything really, deeply touched my heart this evening. The people who have drawn fanart for me, the people who have commissioned me, the people who have tagged me in things (I cringe every time bc I feel soooo bad for not seeing them until I look in my tag once in a blue moon, but know I appreciate you trying to include me), the people who tag me when asked who their art inspirations or favorite blogs are (!!!!!!!!!??????), the people who post their art saying that my art inspired them in some way, people who express their excitement when they realize I've followed them (this will never stop being wild to me, what an incredible thing!!!! I'm just me!) everyone. It's absolutely mind boggling to me and I can't stress enough how much it means.
I've had such an incredible time on this site so far and met some of my closest friends here and just.. wow. Thank you so much to all of you, from the very bottom of my heart. I cannot thank you enough for all of your support!! Every little bit of interaction is a blessing to me and I've run out of ways to express that so I'll wrap this up here but yeah!! I hope you all have a lovely evening or whatever time of day it is in your time zone. Know that you've impacted me in a way I can't express and try to give yourselves a little grace, you'll never know how much you've improved the lives of the people around you by just spending a little time in their space ♥
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daz4i · 6 months
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funniest (/s) irony about my pains is that the only painkiller that actually helps (mostly, not entirely) likely also makes them worse in the long run. i just love having a body and being alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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izzy-b-hands · 7 months
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im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just
it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)
#text post#god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again#in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps#makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now#gonna sleep eventually#i think lmao#im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better#that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something#no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that#my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it#he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances)#and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year#i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND#and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live#that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me#he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off#where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself#if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao#i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine#gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings#find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try#forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others
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medicinemane · 6 days
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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arklay · 1 year
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WIP DAY.
tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡
tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡
i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.
started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]
it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo
never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.
everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk
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i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe
actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not
Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.
#tag games.#keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying)#i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day#or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words#are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i#still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to#sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just#like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how#i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then#disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your#creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about#being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually#filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm#rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not#i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted#the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but#also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or#leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well#because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations)#but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg
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snowflop · 4 months
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Happy new year from me and my beastie 🎉
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frozenambiguity · 1 year
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Very long Initial thoughts and first impressions on the Caribert Archon Quest in the tags. Spoiler alert!!
#{{ this is me making a very long tag so that the people who are not interested in reading the spoilers can skip the post safely!! ~~~~~~~ }}#{{ All right!! So the first thing I find fishy in this interaction is the fact that Kaeya just… }}#{{ reveals that he is from Khaenri’ah to the traveler like it’s no big deal }}#{{ Uhm. Huh. I thought that was a secret he was deeply invested in keeping; so things are not exactly adding up here }}#{{ because remember how that was; you know; a thing..? Remember that letter Kaeya saved from the fire }}#{{ that confirmed he was from Khaenri’ah and belonged to the Alberich family? }]#{{ without his father's knowledge and permission; because that information was too highly confidential to NOT remain a secret... }}#{{ and one that he still hides to this day? You know. You remember; right; hyv? come now; it was only a few patches ago. }}#{{ the fact that he revealed it like it was no big deal makes me??? question a lot of the decisions that were made here. }}#{{ Keeping his heritage a secret has been a character motivation for Kaeya. I’m bothered about this decision on hyv’s part; actually }}#{{ not to say that the reveal was never to be done; but it could have been handled properly. }}#{{ and not so casually over some mid afternoon drink time as if it holds no importance whatsoever }}#{{ also this interaction??? A total act. I refuse to believe otherwise }}#{{ 'caring less and less about khaenri'ah?' sir; the guilt and sense of duty/responsibility that consummes you daily says otherwise }}#{{ 'My father left me in Mondstadt simply because he wanted me to have a better life?' huh. perhaps one reason; but not the only one }}#{{ nor THE reason. we have had multiple proof; so this is kaeya lying through his teeth for the sake of alleviating the conversation }}#{{ 'My surname is the only link I have with Khaenri'ah'? Read points mentioned above. Deceit deceit deceit. }}#{{ this entire interaction was a calculated; studied act; and I'm calling it as it is. if hyv intended otherwise --- too bad. }}#{{ because I'm making it my canon. }}#{{ and I truly hope that in hyv canon kaeya is being the 'you can only trust half of what he says' Kaeya; because if hyv is making Kaeya }}#{{ honest in this precise moment.... like if those words are his genuine thoughts from hyv's perspective; then; Kaeya; I'm so sorry }}#{{ but i want to have faith in hoyo; and I want to believe that they haven't forgotten Kaeya as a chara and his motivations }}#{{ and the fact that he was intended to be a khaenri'ah spy in mondstadt. something which generated a lot of conflict in his life. }}#{{ so don't @ me w/ 'oh yeah; I don't have any link or interest in khaenri'ah whatsoever haha khaenri'ah what is that?? never heard of it }#{{ anyway. Interesting to see it confirmed that Kaeya and Dain do not know each other formally; but that Dain has been spying on Kaeya }}#{{ and does not trust him. interesting dynamic. obviously kaeya didn't like having been studied and observed }}#{{ Kaeya being the Abyss Order Founder's descendant? Honestly; not surprising!! I had my suspicions. }}#{{ the clues were always there. 'heart of the abyss'. A heart is a vital part for any organism and by extent institution to function }}#{{ and so; too; is Kaeya a vital part of the abyss scheme; regardless of whether he wants to or not }}#{{ and there were other signs of it too. He has been seen communicating with them multiple times. recall diluc's introduction. }}
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kakusu-shipping · 1 year
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One of these days I’m gonna suck up enough courage to put random-ass BL boys on my F/O list and then we’re ALL going to be sorry
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theloveinc · 1 year
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As someone with a visually weak lazy eye, I'm really grateful for your takes. Listen, the glasses I need to help my vision are too expensive for me right and I have other expenses I have to prioritize, and, yes, sometimes I'm going to skip some chunks if I can not engage with them/don't feel interested/I think they're not as important to the plot in order to actually put some energy in the rest of the reading, and I don't think that makes me a "bad reader" or that "I just don't know how to read", specially when reading, to me, is painful and tiring, but still something I enjoy.
I don't do it always, but anyways, I feel some type of way seeing people commenting such things.
"feel some type of way"....... u are too polite lmfao
#in the tags again bc i can express myself better here and it's safe and warm and lovely#im sure there are actual bad readers and such#but LOL this jump ppl have made from skimming to AUTOMATICALLY bad reader......... GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD makes me mad#to people's credit... i do get the gist of the frustration...#but lumping genuine ppl like u in with actually disrespectful ones ........ i really have a hard time providing any sympathy#or even respect ... to those takes bc... ARE U DUMB??????#and ofc i think most ppl would say ur circumstances are fair but... not extending that energy publicly.... is depressing#like.. ppl should at least specify who they talking about OR admit they want praise from EVERYONE to the extent they're#willing to be unkind to get it#the idea that this is black and white. 'either u read it wholly or u aren't interested and are BAD'...... is so toxic and evil#and im sorry you're ending up the collateral damage anon#i wish ppl would listen when issues like this are brought up#like being welcoming and kind can do so much for u#even if u do feel certain ways abt things. no one that really matters is saying this frustration is bad... just weirdos on tik tok#which is why we actually do need the leniency and kindness here#another opinion of mine actually: authors do owe the community a kind persona#but that's not this conversation#tho i think it applies in this case#at least to the specification point bc u don't deserve to feel like they're talking abt u#and i'm sorry ur going thru it but i'm glad we agree#let me know if i can support you further#i love and support u and u are NOT a bad reader#caitie answers#anon
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fairy-ganj-mother · 3 months
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ahhh growing up....
#unhinged tag time#woo#i just reblogged an old post and wrote in the tags how i'm so the same but actually#i then realized a major difference is I basically stopped drinking and doing drugs LMAO#other than smoking weed but like I live in CO now and it's legal and i had a med card in PA before i left#so i don't do illegal shit anymore basically and thank god for that hahaha#also just reflecting on how fortunate I was (in hindsight) to be so insulated in PA to spiral#that big college campus and my hometown were such safe places lol#I could explore but like was still close to home and what i knew#interesting#also of course noticing how harddddd i was trending gay like right before I started dating jeff#so ya know those thoughts again come up and the what ifs#also realistically i can think of several men that I definitely would've probably hooked up with between 2015-2016 if i hadn't been w jeff#a certain person in my hometown and probs some people who hung around carpetland that one summer at minimum lol#so i'm like in my head now i'm like what if#but upon some reflection it's like#i'm still bi and livin in a heteronormative world and would've been pushed into those situations more often#no matter how much i've insisted i lean more towrads attracted to women since i was like ...18?#been making these private lately but i think i'm gonna just post this one#reading how unhinged i was in my tumblr tags in 2015 via my archive has inspired me to be publicly unhinged in the tags once again lmaooo#t
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hoonieshoney · 16 days
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Synopsis: After Lee Heeseung got caught in bit of a legal scandal he is summoned to community service thanks to his father’s legal connections. Heeseung finds himself stuck for the next six weeks working at the local church, how lucky for him the pastors sweet daughter is there to keep him company.
Pairing: LeeHeeseung x afabNaive!Virgin!Reader
Warnings: “DARK CONTENT-ish”.Dub con, manipulation, religious themes, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), thigh riding, creampie, cum eating, masturbation (male and female), sexual use of a rosary, sexual scenes in a church, fingering, cursing, dirty talk, corruption kink, oral (male&female), hair pulling, slight spanking, slight mention of blood, slight choking, ??noncon??(I'm adding that tag because there is a moment of hesitation that could be viewed as noncon)
Word Count: 7.3k
Part of 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕮𝖔𝖗𝖗𝖚𝖕𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝕾𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 , but can be read as a stand alone!
Taglist: @deobitifull @iveivory
Author Note: Though this isn’t as dark as my normal content I’m still marking it as dark because it’s still manipulation and it has dark and religious themes to it (and I know people are sensitive to those topics), so to be safe and protect those individuals I’m just marking it as dark content. Not 100% proofread, if you see a mistake, no you didn’t❤️ I hope you enjoy it! ❤️I appreciate all comments/reblogs/likes ❤️ I love to hear your thoughts ❤️ Enjoy little ducklings!
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Lee Heeseung is well aware of what he is. He’s a liar, a manipulator, an unreliable friend, an average college student, but above everything, what he takes the most pride in, is that Heeseung is an amazing hookup. He knows he’s hot, he knows girls talk about how great he is in bed especially about how well endowed he is. 
He’s never had to fight for anything in his life, he’s always gotten what he wanted without hesitation, and yes, that includes women. 
He loves women, more notably he loves taken women. The rush of having someone’s girlfriend underneath him compares to nothing else, especially if they're hooking up with the boyfriend nearby. He can’t explain it, he loves the rush he gets knowing they picked him, they’re risking it all for him. 
And watching that same girl go up to her loser boyfriend and kiss him with the same mouth Heeseung just had his dick in has his chest swelling with pride.  
But you. Fuck. You were the ultimate prize, the forbidden fruit, the one. 
Six weeks of forced community service under the watchful eye of the most respected church pastor in town, your father. Heeseung was initially pissed knowing he’d be spending three days a week, including church service on Sundays, in a tiny stuffy room sorting through church donations. But then the most wonderful “miracle” happened, you. 
He doesn’t know how it happened, you’re not the type of girl he goes for. You didn’t even spare him a second glance when he walked in on his first day. But fuck, your face, your modest clothing, your big doe eyes, everything he wouldn’t spare a glance at on a normal day had him aching to touch you. The silver cross necklace resting on your collarbones, the Bible you always had nearby with sticky notes and bookmarks sticking out, the white and silver rosary always nearby and that fucking ring…oh my god he almost lost all self control when he heard about it that first week of work.  
“Are you engaged? You’re still in college, why would you want to settle down already?” He asks, tapping the silver band on your left ring finger.
You giggle and swat his hand away, “no silly. It’s a purity ring.”
He furrowed his eyebrows, “what’s that?”
“It’s a promise ring to God basically. Meaning I’ll remain pure until marriage.”
His eyes nearly bulged out of his head. No sex until marriage? That sounds horrible.
“So you’ve never…”
“Of course not!” You say, like you’re offended by the assumption. 
“Have you ever kissed anyone?” His interest now fully peaked. 
“Nope,” you answer, popping the ‘p’ sound.
“So in a way...you belong to God?” He questions licking his lips.
“Yeah..until I get married, I guess you could say that.” 
Fuck.
He barely made it outside to the church parking lot into his car with his hand wrapped around his cock jerking off to the mental image of your dainty hand wrapped around him instead, looking up at him with wide curious eyes like you usually do. The image of that little band on your finger had him spilling all over his hand in minutes, even managing to get some of his cum on the windshield.  
He hasn’t stopped thinking about it. He never had any desire for virgins, they were way too whiny and he didn’t like how clingy they were afterwards. 
But you. 
You were completely untouched, completely untainted, so pure, he wanted to devour you. He wanted to own every part of you. 
You were the grand prize..he loved fucking promised women, and when you said you “belonged to God” that was it.
He was on a mission.
He had to take you from him.
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“What are you staring at?” You asked, breaking Heeseungs train of thoughts.
“Nothing..sorry angel, just spaced out.” He smiles watching you look up at him.
“Stop calling me that,” you mumbled at the nickname Heeseung bestowed to you since starting his community service at your fathers church. 
“You like it,” he teased, flashing his signature side smirk. You did, but a part of you also didn't know if he meant it in a condescending way.
“Come on, we'll be late for the service.” 
You clutched your bible and rosary to your chest and started to ascend the church steps with Heeseung trailing behind. You weren’t sure what exactly he did to end up here, but he’s been a big help to you with all the church donation organizing. 
And he hardly complained, it even seemed like he was starting to enjoy coming to Sunday services and sitting in the pew with your friends and family. Taking your usual spots on the pew, you open your Bible and wait for your father to start the service. 
Heeseung was so confused at what was happening, he couldn’t understand what your dad was preaching about, didn’t understand the songs, and didn’t know a single prayer. This whole thing was a fucking waste of his time. The only good thing about these Sunday services was being near you. Especially when you got on your knees during the service, when you would take the bread of Christ in your mouth and swallow it down with the sacramental wine, it had him imagining unspeakable things. The way you had your hands clasped together, looking up with big doe eyes as you took the offerings was such a sinful sight. 
After the service you stayed behind with Heeseung to put away any new donations made by the churchgoers. 
“Did you enjoy today's service?” You ask. 
“Yeah, I definitely learned a lot today,” a sheepish grin adorns his face. He doesn’t even remember half of it.
There wasn’t any denying Heeseung was attractive. Everything about him was inviting. Sometimes your hands would brush or he would accidentally press up against you to walk around in the small donation room and it had a flushing sensation on your body. 
You tried not to focus on it, you were also very well aware of the promiscuous reputation he carried on his back. 
“That’s good, I’m going to miss having you around here when you leave us,” you admit shyly.
“Don’t worry angel, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” He smirked, leaning forward on the sorting table you both were working at. 
“You’re such a flirt,” You shake your head. He can see the smile you’re biting back and the tips of your ears redden.
“Can’t help it when I’m around a pretty girl,” he shrugs.
You roll your eyes and focus back on sorting through the small donation pile. He’s a player, he’s a player, you repeat to yourself in your head, he doesn’t like you in that way.
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Where am I? 
A floral field surrounds you, kneeling on a blanket, clad in a typical dress you normally wear for Sunday services with your rosary clutched in your hands. What’s going on?
“Hey angel..” that voice, ah that velvet smooth voice that has your heart in your throat.
He looks beautiful, of course he does, sitting on the blanket next to you. His dark messy hair falling in front of his doe eyes, he’s in white slacks and a white button up, the sleeves rolled up.
He almost looks ethereal, “come closer to me.” 
Without hesitation you move to him. 
“Let me see,” he motions toward the beads in your hands. You hand them over and watch the mischievous smirk creep onto his face. He moves behind you on his knees and rubs his hands on your shoulders, massaging you. You hum feeling his large hands rub down your arms stopping at your wrists.
He wraps the beads around your wrists, binding them together behind your back. You look at him confused, but he just smiles and turns your body around to face him. He sits back on his bottom and pulls into his lap. Making sure to position you where you’re straddling his thigh, causing your dress to lift up slightly.
“H-Heeseung what are you-“
He stroked your cheek, cutting you off, “can you pray for me?”
“What?” 
He rubs his hands on your exposed thighs. “Let me hear you pray. Recite the all father, for me, angel.” The nickname only makes you shudder under his touch. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears.
“Our Father, Who art in heaven,” 
You suddenly gasp, feeling him grab your hips and rock your body back and forth on his thigh. 
“Hall-hallowed be Thy N-n-name. Thy Kingdom co-come,” you gasp and try to move your hands from behind your back but he's restrained you tightly with your rosary. The friction from his pants against your drenched panties rubbing against your swollen clit is slowly becoming unbearable.  
“Thy Wi-will be do-done, On-on earth as it is-is in Heaven.”
You cry out as he starts flexing his thigh underneath you, desperate to touch him you fight against the rosary keeping your arms bound behind you. He pulls you down harder on his leg making you rock against him faster. This is how he wanted you, completely at his mercy.
“Keep going angel…” His lips were on your neck sucking the soft skin between his teeth.
“Give us-us this day, o-our daily br-bread,”
He grabs your throat making you look up at him and watches you intently as you rock against his thigh sloppily trying to desperately chase your high. You pant with your eyes wide and glassy, your moves becoming more erratic as you struggle against the rosary. 
“And for-forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who-who trespass ag-against us.”
You were soaking through his slacks. Your voice gets more breathy as you feel that knot in your lower belly ready to snap, closing your eyes trying to desperately keep the same pace against his flexed thigh. 
“Don’t you dare look away….” He growls gripping your chin, your eyes snap open and he stares right into your soul. “Make a mess, angel.” 
Your eyes stared into his dark ones and you moaned out loudly feeling yourself release onto his thigh. Your mouth dropped open but only choked noises were coming out, letting the blinding heat of your orgasm course through your veins. He lets you catch your breath while rubbing your trembling bottom lip, “finish it..”
“And lead us not into temptation.....but deliver us from evil.” you pant out staring at him still on your orgasmic high.
“Good fucking girl”
You shoot up from your bed, your body covered in a thin layer of sweat and a sticky feeling between your legs. Pulling the blanket off of you to try and let in cold air to your body you gasp at the sight of your gray sleep pants completely soaked through.
What the fuck..
Why did you just dream about Lee Heeseung..
And did you just cum completely untouched?.. 
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Swallowing thickly you walk through the church parking lot to your designated donation table by your fathers side. Today was the church food drive, lots of people were showing up to drop off their canned goods. It was also the first day seeing Heeseung since your dream. Since that night you’ve felt the dull uncomfortable ache between your legs, and a part of you knew only he could fix it. Which only had you feeling disgusting for having such thoughts. 
“Seungie!” A high pitched squeaky voice breaks you out of your concentration and you see a girl running toward Heeseung. The girl, only clad in short shorts and a small tank top, throws her arms around Heeseung giggling.
He’s smirking at her and obviously checking her out. An uncomfortable churn in your stomach makes you look away. 
Why do you care? You knew he had quite the reputation, lots of the girls around you whispered about his escapades and how they so badly wanted to experience it for themselves.Why were you jealous?
Heeseung sees you from the corner of his eye, how your body tensed up when he hugged Karina and how you immediately looked away.
Fuck, how is he supposed to get you to trust him when these stupid girls are acting this way in front of you. 
“Are you even listening to me, Seungie?” Karina’s shrill voice snaps him back to his reality. 
“Sorry, I’m just super busy right now. Can we talk later?”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes, “so what? Now that you fucked me you don’t want to talk to me now?”
“Don’t you have a boyfriend to worry about?” He glares.
“We broke up..you said I was special. I thought we could be tog-“
He raises his hand and shakes his head. “I’m gonna stop you right there Karina. You were fun, but that hookup was all we’re ever gonna have. I never told you to break up with him.”
“So that’s it? We’re over?”
He wants to laugh, “Karina we were never a thing.”
“Fuck you, Heeseung.” He watches her stomp away with tears in her eyes. 
He looks back at your table and sees your back is turned to him. 
Ah fuck, were you mad? He watches you grab a box of donated food and walk into the small donation building you two work out of. 
Perfect, he can talk to you alone. 
“Are you mad at me?” Heeseung asks, walking into the donation room startling you. 
“Why do you ask that?” You mumble avoiding his gaze.
“You’ve won’t even look at me, angel.” He stands next to you as you place the food on the shelf. You look at him briefly and chew your bottom lip nervously.  
“I'm just busy Heeseung, we have a lot of food to sort through.”
“I don't care angel, what's wrong?” He moves closer to you, caging you against the shelf you’re working on. 
“Are you dating that girl that was all over you?” You blurt out before you realize. You feel the embarrassment wash over you. Way to keep it cool. 
He studies your face before breaking out into a smug grin. You weren’t mad at him, you were jealous of Karina. 
“Does that matter?” He asks, leaning toward you testing just to see how jealous you really were. 
“I guess not, what you do with easy girls is your business.” You bite. 
He barks a laugh, oh you were so fucking jealous and it was so fucking hot. He has never heard you talk bad about anyone before. But here you were, calling Karina easy because you liked him. He was already tainting you. 
“I’m not dating her, angel.”
“She was all over you,” you whisper. He watched your annoyed expression turn into a pout and your eyes avoided his nervously. 
Oh you poor sweet thing. If only you knew how much I wanted to fuck you, you wouldn’t be jealous of some slut. 
“Aw, did my angel not like that?”He says with faux sympathy, caressing your cheek. 
“Don’t make fun of me!” His touch only ignited that burning feeling in the pit of your belly.
“I’m not angel, you’re just so fucking cute when you’re jealous.”
“I’m not jealous!” You try not to melt into his touch but it’s hard. And he looks so inviting. 
He was standing so close to you. His cologne overwhelmed your senses, you could feel the warmth of his body heat. He watches your face and smiles, noticing how your eyes keep dropping to his lips, having a hard time on where to keep your focus. 
Time to test the waters a little further. 
“Am I making you nervous, angel?” 
“No,” you lie. He chuckles, he knows you’re lying, your body gives it away. He can see your pink cheeks, your clenched fists at your side and watches you rub your thighs together. He leans down and places his lips right on your earlobe and he inhales the scent of your floral shampoo. He feels you shudder against him.
“Does anyone else get your little body reacting this way?” His breath fans across your neck. You almost whine when he removes his face and stares down at you with hooded eyes. 
He pushes a piece of hair behind your ear and runs his thumb along your jaw. Stopping at your bottom lip he rubs it softly, of course it’s soft. 
The vivid images of your dream flash across your brain and your eyes widen remembering him doing the same thing after your orgasm. He sees your panicked gaze and he can feel his cock throbbing in his jeans. His gaze darkens, “you’re so fucking pretty, angel.”
His touch made your skin feel warm, it sent little shockwaves throughout your body and was leaving an uncomfortable mess between your thighs. 
“I-um..have to go..” you push past him and quickly walk out of the little room. You needed to breathe, your body was going into overdrive and it felt like it was on fire. This wasn’t supposed to feel good. Your body isn’t supposed to react that way. These feelings..were sinful. 
The donation drive was still busy and you didn’t want to be seen. Spotting the empty church you decide its best to put distance between you and Heeseung and try to ground yourself from these overwhelming feelings. You run in and look around the familiar space, you need to pray. You needed to beg for forgiveness. You needed to do something to stop these feelings. 
Your eyes lock onto the confessional booth and you breathe a sigh of relief. That could work.
Shutting the door to the small confessional you sit on the wooden chair and try to calm your breathing. You never felt this out of control of your body before, with an uncomfortable tightening in your abdomen. 
You hear the door to the otherside of the confessional open and close, only able to see the silhouette of the person coming in because of the latticed divider providing anonymity for the people who are using it to confess their sins to your father. 
“Are you really hiding from me, in here?”
Of course it’s him. 
“What do you want, Heeseung?” You try your best to sound stable but your voice comes out shaky. 
“Why are you hiding from me angel?”
His voice was laced with more faux sympathy. He knows what he’s doing. He also knows you’re too naive to pick up on how he’s messing with you. 
“You..you make me feel weird..”
“In a bad way?” He can’t help the smile that creeps on his face. 
“In a way..I’ve never felt before..it scares me..I don’t know what to do..”
Fuck you sounded so good like this. So desperate, so ready to be molded into his little slut. 
“Are you wet..”
He was feeling bold now. 
“W-what..”
He can hear the trembling in your voice. He lowers his voice and presses his lips against the lattice screen so you can hear him clearly. 
“Is your little pussy wet for me, angel?”
“H-Heeseung! We’re in the church! Don’t say things like that..”
He can hear the change in your breathing and whine in your tone. Oh, this was going to be a piece of cake. 
You hear him fiddle with the buckle of his belt. “Put your hand in your panties, angel..”
“I can-can’t do that..” You gasp, was he serious? Was he really going to do such immoral things in the confessional? 
“Yes you can angel, do it for me. It’ll make you feel good, baby girl, I promise.” 
As much as he wanted to degrade and ruin you, he couldn’t risk you running out of this booth and telling your father. He had to play with you a little to get you wanting more of him. 
“Touch yourself..tell me how it feels angel..”
His tone was soft and comforting, maybe..maybe just this once. And he was offering to help, you would be rude to not accept his help, right?
Slipping your shaking fingers into your skirt and into panties you feel the amount of arousal that has leaked out of you. “Wh-what do you want me to do..”
He groans, throwing his head back on the confessional wall. The question alone was enough to tip him over the edge. You really were an innocent angel, he was going to mold you into the perfect little plaything for him. 
“Rub your pussy baby, just keep rubbing it for me.”
He spits in his palm and starts rubbing his weeping cock. 
You slid your fingers between your slicked lips, lightly grazing your clit, making your hips buck in the air and a loud whimper escaping your lips before you could clamp your teeth on your bottom lip. You had never felt the need to masturbate before, this was all new to you. You find your clit again and rub your fingers faster against it, moaning out again, he presses his head against the lattice desperate to see you but can only make out the silhouette of your body and your arm moving. He fucks his fist faster to the sounds of your whimpers. 
“I can hear how wet you are angel, fuck I bet you’re dripping all over the chair. Don’t you dare go inside, I’m the only one going inside of that virgin pussy.” 
His dirty mouth only makes you whine and clench around nothing. You pressed your fingers to your entrance, you didn't slip inside, just teased the hole to get a feel for it, even more of your arousal was leaking out of you. You prop a leg on the chair giving you better access to your clit and your rub harder and faster against the swollen bundle. 
“Cum for me angel, let me hear my angel’s sweet voice when she cums.” His voice is husky and you replay the images of your dream, mixed with hearing the sounds of his groans and the squelching of his hand around his cock send you into overdrive moving your hand faster. Your vision goes spotty and you moan out in ecstasy as your orgasm hits you hard and fast. Your head hits the wall as you whine loudly, your toes curling in your shoes. The sound has Heeseung’s eyes rolling into his head and he chokes out a gasp as his cum shoots out in hot thick ropes and coats his hand and part of the confessional box. 
You sink into your chair and try to breathe, your body still convulsing from little aftershocks of your first ever orgasm. Coming down from your euphoric high you see the little cross above the door and feel the shame. 
What have you done? It’s bad enough to act on such desires..but in a confessional. This had to be unforgivable. 
Stepping out of the confessional box on shaky legs you look around the church and feel the shame overtake the high you were just on. 
You're in a church, in God's house, and you just masturbated in a confessional box. The reality of your actions repeating over and over in your head. 
Heeseung opens the door to his side of the box and immediately engulfs you in his arms, his mouth is on yours before you even have time to react; your first kiss.
It’s soft at first, both of his hands coming to cup your face but he gets hungrier by the second. Moving his soft lips against yours chasing every movement, you almost forget to breathe trying to pull away but his grip is tight on you. Sliding his tongue in between your lips and lightly massages your own causing a small groan to bubble within you. He smirks, feeling how cautious and uncertain your tongue moves against his. He pulls away, giving your bottom lip one last lick and pecking it one last time. 
“We should get back out there, angel.” 
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Sunday approached quicker than you would have liked. You spent days replaying the events of what happened with Heeseung over and over. A part of you felt saddened by the whole thing, he didn’t talk to you about it afterward and he didn’t call or text and it seemed like maybe he just wanted to add you to the long list of girls he had. But another part of you was desperate for more of him, wanting him to do more, and wanting to be enough so that he wouldn’t need those other girls. The conflicting sides of you causing inner turmoil and questioning your place in the world.
You spent your whole life with a moral code, you never let anyone challenge that or try and change who you were. And now, you didn’t know where you stood. Because if Heeseung didn’t want to be with you, and he was just using you, that would mean you changed your core values for someone who didn’t respect you. And what respectable man would want you after that? After you easily give up your innocence to someone with a questionable reputation. 
You shake the thoughts out of your head and wipe the tears on the back of your hand and continue to straighten up the church altar. Services ended an hour ago, everyone had gone home and you were left alone to clean up the altar and the mess of your life. Heeseung didn’t sit with you today like he usually did and it was his last Sunday of his community service sentence, he left right after service. So it’s safe to assume he's just gone and you were passing the time for him while he was here. 
“What are you doing in here?” Heeseung asks, startling you. You turn around and watch him walk down the aisle to the altar he sees you cleaning.
“Just putting some stuff away,” you mumbled wiping the rag across the marble altar table. 
“Where is your father?” He asks looking around making sure no one was in sight. 
“The clergy have a lunch meeting together this afternoon, I told my father I’d stay behind to clean so he can attend.”
He hears the sadness in your voice and bites back a smile. He saw you the entire service staring at him with hopeful eyes trying to get his attention. He wanted you to miss him, to want him, to need him. And judging by the sad tone and watery eyes, his plan had worked. He had you right where he wanted you. 
“Why are you still here? Isn’t today your last Sunday?” you ask, finally meeting his eyes.  
“Is that why you’re sad, angel? Because you think I’d leave without my girl?” He smiled, stopping in front of the altar. You roll your eyes and turn back around to finish what you were doing. 
“I’m not your girl Heeseung,” 
“You and I both know that’s a lie, angel. Careful, God doesn’t like liars.” He taunts coming up behind you and rubbing his hands down your arms. He feels you tense under his touch, the goosebumps rise on your skin. 
Dropping his face down to your shoulder he sighs softly, “you know, you look really angelic right now..standing here in this pretty white dress, all these candles lit, it's almost sinful how beautiful you look.” He whispers in your ear gently nipping at your earlobe. 
You grip the rag in your hand tightly. “What do you want from me, Heeseung?” 
“I want you,” He answers, kissing your shoulder. 
“I don’t..I don’t want to be like other girls..” you softly admit.
He smirks against your shoulder rubbing his hands on your hips and turning you around.
“Angel, you’re nothing like the other girls.”
“Really…?” You look up at him with your wide doe eyes and he smiles. 
Gotcha, angel. You’re mine now. 
“Trust me baby, they don’t compare to you..”
The innocent smile on your face was going straight to his cock. He needed to work fast. Rubbing your cheek tenderly he kisses your lips, letting his tongue work its way into your mouth. He grabs your hand in his larger one and guides it down to the front of his jeans placing it right over his hard on. You gasp and pull away confused, but he chases your mouth with his and continues to kiss you while he “whines” to you. 
“Angel..*kiss*..it hurts..*kiss*..it hurts so bad..*kiss*..please touch me angel..*kiss*..make it better..please..” The soft whine in his voice makes you want to help. You don’t want him to hurt, you have to help him. 
You were too fucking easy to mold. 
He unbuckles his jeans and lowers them just enough to release himself. Your hands are clumsy as you reach for him, he sees your nervousness and it only fuels the fire. Wrapping your small hand around his heavy length you look at him for guidance. He wraps his hand around yours and guides it up and down in a pumping motion. You watch his eyes close and hear him hiss, “Fuck…just like that angel..”
He lets you work on his length for a few minutes before he tests the waters again. 
“Angel..I need more..I need your mouth. Can you be a good girl and get on your knees for me?”
You stop pumping him and look at him for a few seconds. You nod, and drop to your knees on the wooden floor and you finally fully take the sight of him. He’s long and thick, it bobs in the air, it’s two toned with an angry red tip and salty precum leaking from the slit. The sight had your mouth watering.
The sight of you finally on your knees in front of him was almost too much. He wasn’t going to last long. 
You look up at him and grab his cock and lick a circle around the mushroom tip, suckling the tip to drink in his precum. 
His knees almost give out instantly. This was already better than any prior sexual experience he had ever had. 
“Angel..” He breathes out and makes a makeshift ponytail out of your hair. You keep his eye contact and take his length slowly into your mouth, hoping you're doing okay. Your tongue glides around his throbbing length and he moans again. 
“Do you want me to guide you angel..” 
You hum around him and the smug grin returns to his face. “Relax your jaw and let me take over.”
You obey and he hums stroking your cheek. The sweet affection only lasts for a second before he pulls your mouth further down his cock and you choke around him. The vibrations only added to his pleasure. Tears sting your eyes as he starts to fuck your face pushing your head down further and further on his cock. 
“That’s it angel..you’re doing so well for me..”
His praises only fuel you to try and be good for him. You let him continue to pound into your throat, the chocked sounds around his cock pushing him close to his release. 
Your tear eyes and mouth wrapped around him, having him seeing stars, he pulls out quickly. He was only going to cum in one hole today and it wasn’t going to be your mouth. He watches the spit and precum dribble down your chin and mix with your tears. 
Fuck. He was so close to losing all self control. 
“Fuck me angel, you look so good like this, what would God say of he saw you like this,” He teases wiping the mess off your chin.
“Don’t say that..”you frowned.
The pout..that fucking pout did it. It pushed him to the edge. 
“Fuck…I cant hold on anymore I have to fuck you.” His eyes narrowed as he gripped you by your hair to your feet.  
“Hee-Heeseung I can’t..” you shake your head and try to back away. 
“You can and you will, angel.”
You stare at him with a confused expression, was he serious? He doesn’t give you time to take in his words because he's picking you up and leaning you against the marble altar you just cleaned. He places you on the altar, discarding the large Bible, and other items to the floor before sitting you down and slotting himself between your legs. 
He grabbed the front of your dress and yanked it down with your bra exposing your bare tits to him, your nipples instantly harden from the cool air. 
You truly looked sinful. Sitting on the church altar, bible discarded on the floor, lit candles around the both of you, the sun shining in through the stained glass windows painting you in red hues, if there truly was a God Heeseung was going to hell for what he was about to do to God’s favorite angel.
Your doe eyes were wide with anticipation as you stared at him waiting for his next move. Everything around you seemed to have blur out, no longer caring where you were. All you could focus on was Heeseung. 
He takes one of your hardened nipples into his mouth and massages the other with his large hand, pinching the bud between his fingers. Your jaw goes slack at the feeling of his tongue, you arch into him at the new sensation. 
While you're distracted he slips his hand under your dress and skillfully tugs down your panties, of course noticing how the entire front of them are completely drenched in your arousal. He bites down harder on your nipple and sucks harshly causing you to arch your back again and lean your head back further and he carefully slots the ruined panties in his back pocket while you’re not looking. A perfect reminder of today. 
Pulling away he kisses your chest before standing up straight and looking down on you, he pushes you gently on your back, you shiver feeling the cold marble under your back. He pushes your knees up and places your feet flat on the altar displaying your leaking pussy to him. He licked his bottom dip, he wanted a taste of you, but time was a factor and he needed to get his dick in you fast before you got lost in your head and changed your mind. 
He ran his fingers over your slippery pussy gathering some of your moisture and rubbed around your entrance and slowly pushed one of his long fingers inside. He watched your eyes flutter shut and mouth drop open. Fuck, you were impossibly tight.
You felt your walls clenching around him and he shoved another finger in. You moaned out at the intrusion.
You pushed yourself up on your elbows as you watched, he continued to scissor his two fingers inside of you to stretch you out.
“Does it feel good angel?” He whispers against your knee and kisses it. 
You nod cautiously, taking your bottom lip between your teeth. 
“You're so fucking tight I don’t know if my cock will fit in this little pussy angel.” He smirks feeling how you clench around his fingers at his dirty talk. 
His long fingers explored you searching for that special spot. He taps a particular spongy spot and you drop back onto your back moaning loudly, and your hips buck into his hand. 
Found it. 
The amount of moisture leaking out of you was sinful, he dropped his head between your thighs and licked a stripe from his fingers to your clit to just get a taste of you. You jerked at the sensation and clenched harder around his fingers. 
Fuck, he usually couldn’t be bothered about going down on women, but you tasted so sweet he was definitely going to have to spend an hour or two later just devouring your leaking cunt. Kissing the inside of your thigh he fucks his fingers into you faster, making sure to hit that spongy spot.
“Come on angel..cum for me..”
He latches his mouth back onto your chest leaving purple bites in his path. You groan the feeling of that familiar knot in your abdomen is back. Running your fingers through his messy dark hair you arch slightly more into his mouth, your hips stutter, and you release all over his hand crying out. His fingers stayed inside of you working you through your orgasm.
Watching you come down from your high his dark eyes flicker to the large cross above you and he chuckles softly, maybe he should thank the heavens for bringing you to him. 
His smirk is devilish as he pulls his fingers from you and pumps himself a few times and pulls your body closer down to his awaiting cock.
He sees the apprehension on your face and smiles. “Don’t worry angel, I’ll make it fit.”
You nervously try to close your legs but he slaps the outside of your thigh harshly making you whine, “your pussy is mine, angel. Don't hide it from me."
You whine and let him spread your legs. 
He grabbed his cock and spread your release along his aching length. He pressed his tip to your folds and rubbed it back and forth, from clit to your entrance making you writhe in overstimulation.
In a moment of slight panic realizing what was about to happen you brought your hands up to his chest to try and push him away. 
“Wait Heeseung..I don’t think I’m ready..”
“Stop thinking angel, just let me think for you,” He smirks and you feel his mushroom tip stretching you as he pressed inside of you slowly. He lifted the bottom of your dress to your chest so he wouldn't miss the view.
You hissed and he went deeper, pushing a little at a time. He pushed your body down on the altar flat on your back as he pushed into your walls further. Your nails scraping the marble under you and tears filled your wide eyes as you felt him reach the thin barricade of your virginity. This was it, there wasn't any coming back from this. You took a shaky breath, your body was trembling underneath him, he moaned loudly as he ripped right past it and you choked out a sob when you felt it break.
God, forgive me.
You let out a small pained whimper as he continued stretching you to your limit, the further he pushed in the more painful it was. Finally, he reached the hilt inside your tight virgin hole. His pelvis pressed right against yours. 
He stayed buried inside your heat as he leaned down and placed a tender soft kiss on your lips. Nipping at your bottom lip and slithering his tongue past the barrier and exploring your mouth trying to distract you from the discomfort. Your mouth was slack against his, the stretch was too painful to focus on anything else.
Breaking the kiss, he looked down at you grinning at the sight of the small bulge under your belly button where his cock was. 
“You’re taking me so well angel,”
He pressed down on the bulge and watched you gasp out. “You feel that? God made you for me.” He whispered, wrapping his hand around your neck applying slight pressure. 
You were shaking, the tears never stopped streaming down your reddened cheeks. He pulled out of you and you breathed a sigh of relief from the pain subsiding but he pushed back in you hard, causing another choked sob from your throat. He kept his thrusts at a fixed pace at first, easing himself in and out as you whimpered and writhed under him. He took a second to admire the way your body twisted against him. The more his cock filled you, the better it started to feel, the dull pain between your legs starting to fade into bliss. 
He smiles proudly seeing you start to relax and let your body slowly start to rock against his. 
“That’s it angel, fuck that little virgin pussy on me” He sped up his thrusts, moving his hand between the two of you and pressing his fingers down on your clit. Your back arches off the altar, “oh god!”
“Not God baby…say my name..scream it.”
You wrapped your thighs around him as he rocked into you harder. “Heeseung!”
Your eyes rolled back as your body was fully succumbing to the pleasure he was giving you. You could barely feel any pain anymore as he fucked harder and faster into you. Your hands went straight to his shoulders for leverage, “M-more…Hee-Heeseung, I need more..”
He groaned, watching you bounce against him, licking his lips, his pace picked up. “my angel wants more? You want me to fuck you harder baby?”
You nod, scraping your nails down his shoulders.
“Say it angel. Tell me what you want.”
He needed to hear it, he needed to hear the dirty words leave your mouth. He had to hear and see the vision of you he’s been so desperate to have. 
Your wide teary eyes stare up at him, the silver cross necklace bouncing on your bare chest with every harsh thrust he gives only adds to the sinful sight.
“Fuck me..please fuck me, Heeseung.”
The sight and sound was better than anything he could have ever imagined.
He plunged into you without any restraint, no more holding back. You were like his very own fuckdoll now, your body was at his mercy. His fingers kept rubbing your clit, The noises escaping him were feral. He was lost to his own pleasure.
His thrusts grew even more ferocious as he hammered into you relentlessly. He grabbed a fistful of your hair and forced your head to look down where he was entering you. 
“Do you see that angel? You’re all mine now,” he growled.
You clenched your jaw as you looked at the sight of his cock entering you at a fast pace. His entire pelvis was coated with your arousal, you could see a small hint of your blood along his cock.
He noticed it too, it only made him want to fuck your harder.
“Say it, say you’re mine,”
"I-I'm y-yours!"
You hugged him with your legs, clinging to his shoulders as you came again. Your walls squeeze him tight as you released yourself on his cock. "I’m going to cum, angel,” He mumbled against your open mouth. He threw his head back and you felt the spurts of warmth bloom within you. He let his head hang back for a moment before he looked at you and slowly pushed your body back down onto the altar. He stayed inside of you, looking down at your fucked out body. His hand glided over your trembling thighs. Leaning down on top of you he kisses along your collarbone as you continue to shake from your orgasm.
You both stayed in each other's arms panting for a few more minutes, his lips leaving soft kisses along your sweaty skin. He hears you sniffle and pulls away. Your face is tilted back as you stare at the large cross above the both of you as silent tears stream down your face. He only smirks, he won. 
Your arms are still wrapped around him, he takes your left arm and removes it from him, breaking you out of your trance. Gently grabbing your wrist he brings your hand to his mouth and slips your ring finger into his mouth and uses his tongue to aid him in removing the silver purity ring. He holds the once sacred jewelry between his teeth with a cocky grin and spits it out. You cringe hearing the metal clink and bounce off of the marble altar down to the wooden floor.
“You definitely can’t wear that anymore, angel.”  He rubs his large hands over your thighs and up to your stomach. “You don’t belong to God anymore.” He pulls out of you and smiles watching the creamy mess leak out of you and fall onto the sacred altar. You whine loudly when he dips a finger into your sore hole, he scoops a small amount of both of your releases and taps your lips. You open obediently and let him slip the mixture into your mouth. “You belong to me now.”
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ੈ✩‧₊˚Yeah, this was def supposed to be more plot than porn but uhhh yeah that didn't really happen....oops. I have a perm taglist and my WIP is updated, let me know if you want to join 🫶🏼ੈ✩‧₊˚
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astonmartinii · 5 months
Text
rookie love | oscar piastri social media au
pairing: oscar piastri x hamilton!reader
sure it's a rookie mistake to lose it in a corner, but is it a rookie mistake to fall in love with lewis hamilton's younger sister?
request from the lovely @starfriuts
MASTERLIST | BUY ME A KO-FI?
f1
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liked by lewishamilton, oscarpiastri and 1,324,772 others
tagged: oscarpiastri, yourusername & logansargeant
f1: welcome the rookie class of 2023 !! 2021 f2 champion oscar piastri will race for mclaren, 2022 f2 champion y/n hamilton will be racing for aston martin and 2022 f2 runner up logan sargeant will be racing for williams!
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user1: MY prema girlies
user2: 2019 rookies i am so sorry but there's a new favourite in town
yourusername: two hamiltons on the grid i know that's right 💅 👯‍♀️
lewishamilton: they hate us cause they ain't us
yourusername: they can't handle the sass
lewishamilton: neither can the fia
yourusername: ... yeah i've been briefed :(
user3: okay, walk with me. if y/n does all of grill the grid, lewis might do the secret santa again
user4: hopes and prayers
fernandoalo_oficial: i'm teammates with a rookie hamilton, i think i've seen this film before
yourusername: i lived through that old man, don't think i won't use your own tricks on you
fernandoalo_oficial: well there's no dna test necessary here
yourusername: the slay is hereditary, but clearly skipped your generation
fernandoalo_oficial: HEY
oscarpiastri: get her jade
fernandoalo_oficial: EY?
user5: the way the grid are not ready for how ride or die y/n and oscar are for each other
user6: bro just quoted COCO MONTRESE for her i am so ready
logansargeant: dude we're getting the band back together
oscarpiastri: f1 boyband have nothing on us
yourusername: xnda who?
lewishamilton: :/
yourusername: no one is safe sorry lew @charles_leclerc you're next piano boy
charles_leclerc: WHAT
user7: i know the aston martin pr department sweating buckets with both fernando and y/n
yourusername
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liked by oscarpiastri, lewishamilton and 1,332,551 others
yourusername: the hamilton name comes with the wardrobe
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user8: finally lewis has some competition
user9: if there's something a hamilton is going to do it's going to be wearing a monochromatic outfit.
lewishamilton: was the third photo really necessary?
yourusername: yes!
lewishamilton: you're so corny
yourusername: i know this man ain't speaking.... DIGITAL FOOTPRINT
lewishamilton: girl. i've read your diary and your code names don't mean SHIT
yourusername: YOU WHAT?
lewishamilton: got bored when you had a work call ?
yourusername: come to aston's hospitality i got something to show you
lewishamilton: just text me
yourusername: no. spoiler: it's my FOOT up your ASS
user10: so i thought the tussles would be between fernando and y/n not y/n and lewis
georgerussell63: this is just how they are, they'll be besties again in like two minutes
oscarpiastri: why is my outfit not on here you said i slayed :(
yourusername: you did slay !!
landonorris: he literally wore a team shirt and chinos
yourusername: yes but on the oscar scale that is a slay
oscarpiastri: exactly
landonorris: ok?
yourusername: watch your tone mr. norris, you're being awfully loud for a ripped skinny jeans owner 🤨
landonorris: ????
oscarpiastri: :)
user11: okay i think i get the whole ride or die thing now
logansargeant: believe me it gets worse
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lewishamilton
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liked by oscarpiastri, yourusername and 1,844,902 others
tagged: yourusername
lewishamilton: bucket list moment ticked off to share a podium in f1 with my baby sister !!
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user14: two hamiltons in f1 and on the podium before gta 6
user15: we got two hamiltons on the podium but still can't escape a max win
yourusername: thank you for not posting the picture of me bawling my eyes out
lewishamilton: i thought i'd be nice, just this once. i'm proud of you
yourusername: thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu. insane to be on the podium with my biggest idol
maxverstappen1: y/n that's very kind of you
lewishamilton: really?
yourusername: 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭
maxverstappen1: saw the opportunity and had to go for it
yourusername: i respect that
lewishamilton: but i am your biggest idol right?
yourusername: yes.
user16: max really out here like i will make a double hamilton podium about me LOL
oscarpiastri: that's my best friend GO BEST FRIEND
yourusername: oscar piastri podium coming soon @mclaren get ur shit together
oscarpiastri: PR KNOW SHE DOESN'T MEAN THAT
yourusername: no i mean every word i wanna be on the podium with oscar :(
oscarpiastri: slumber party ?
yourusername: i'll be there @logansargeant u coming?
logansargeant: i don't really feel like third wheeling
this comment was deleted
logansargeant: if you're buying the room service - yeah
user17: LOGAN WE SAW THAT
user18: y/n x oscar truthers we have some more evidence for the board
user19: gets first woman in f1 on the podium... immediately assumes she’s in a relationship with another driver
user20: i see where you're coming from but watch the prema videos and tell me there's no tension there
user21: idk if oscar can handle all of that ...
user22: i have faith in my goofy lil guy
liked by yourusername
user22: WHAT
oscarpiastri
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liked by landonorris, yourusername and 612,094 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: pookie was on the podium
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user23: okay you shipper bitches may have had a point...
yourusername: when pookie calls you pookie you know it's real
fernandoalo_oficial: i have never felt older than when i listen to you and oscar talk for more than five minutes
yourusername: the girls who get it, get it
oscarpiastri: and the girls who don't.... well
fernandoalo_oficial: i am a 42 year old man
yourusername: and it shows
oscarpiastri: ... oop
user24: oh they annoying... KEEP GOING
lewishamilton: so this is what you left the after party for?
yourusername: yeah and what about it?
lewishamilton: okay like maybe i need to separate you and oscar cause why are you eating me up
yourusername: i'm me but oscar is a victim of the sassy man apocalypse
oscarpiastri: guilty as charged (i learnt everything from your sister)
user25: you guys acting like oscar being like this is a surprise ... we didn't all see him scalp alpine last summer?
user26: the way in my head him and y/n wrote that tweet together and were giggling the whole time
yourusername: we can neither confirm or deny
user27: that's confirmation to me
logansargeant: when will the logan sargeant erasure end?
yourusername: when you serve as much as me?
logansargeant: i am TRYING
yourusername: plus this is an appreciation post for me, stop trying to steal opportunities from women
logansargent: HUH?
oscarpiastri: so disappointing from you logan...
logansargeant: i'm so done with you two
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yourusername
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liked by lewishamilton, oscarpiastri and 1,309,562 others
yourusername: summer break is annoying i wanna go racing again
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user31: WHO IS THAT MAN?
user32: my brain (psychosis) tells me it is oscar
user33: i'll believe you
lewishamilton: HOW DARE YOU SOFT LAUNCH WITHOUT TELLING ME
yourusername: girl. sort the tone and i'll call you
lewishamilton: do you think i am dumb? i know exactly who that is, i just need the confirmation so i can beat his ass
yourusername: why would i tell you if you're gonna beat his ass?
lewishamilton: JUST TELL ME
yourusername: you'll have to find me to do that, see you in zandvoort xxx
user34: i think lewis is having brocedes flashbacks
user35: i know bro is PACING
fernandoalo_oficial: you wanna give me a tow in qualifying?
yourusername: why would i do that old man?
fernandoalo_oficial: @lewishamilton i know.
lewishamilton: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? FERNANDO KNOWS?
yourusername: NOT ON PURPOSE HE'S JUST NOSEY AND LIKES TO READ MY TEXTS OVER MY SHOULDER
fernandoalo_oficial: guilty 💅
yourusername: fine. one tow.
fernandoalo_oficial: thanks girly
user36: we have to study the girlypopification of fernando since being teammates with y/n
oscarpiastri: it's missing pookie hours
yourusername: i am having separation anxiety
user37: these hoes think we don't know 😂
user38: they think they're throwing us on their scent ... YALL NOT SUBTLE
oscarpiastri
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liked by landonorris, yourusername and 802,778 others
oscarpiastri: does this count as a win?
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user39: sorry max we got an oscar win we don't care about your championship win
yourusername: LET'S FUCKING GO POOKIE
oscarpiastri: slumber party is gonna eat i fear (why do we have to race tomorrow?)
yourusername: you know who else ate? YOU TODAY
oscarpiastri: hehehehe i guess i did
yourusername: no i am so fucking proud of you
oscarpiastri: love you
yourusername: luv you too
user40: okay so they're just playing with our feelings now?
landonorris: proud of you bro (please turn down the beyonce)
oscarpiastri: don't make me enter my lemonade era
landonorris: are you threatening me with a brocedes?
oscarpiastri: maybe?
yourusername: lmao watch your ass lando, i gave him the play-by-play i was in the brocedes trenches
lewishamilton: 1. happy for you oscar 2. SHUT THE FUCK UP
oscarpiastri: oops?
yourusername: sorry lewis, we'll stop joking about britney if you finally call him
nicorosberg: stop calling me that
lewishamilton: why are you here?
nicorosberg: just observing...
user41: poor lewis having his trauma used as a joke 😭
logansargeant: i'm defo skipping this slumber party
user42: you want to elaborate?
logansargeant: no. i don't think i will
user43: JUST SPILL
yourusername
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liked by lewishamilton, oscarpiastri and 1,903,448 others
tagged: oscarpiastri
yourusername: got my first win, me and my boyfriend are better than you x
view all comments
user44: I FUCKING KNEW IT
user45: i'm gonna need all the bitches who came for me for shipping them so give me my flowers
oscarpiastri: finally. you're too cute not to kiss all the time
yourusername: then hurry up and come here
oscarpiastri: gladly
user46: no i think he actually went, these bitches usually never shut the fuck up
lewishamilton: ...
georgerussell63: oscar RUN THE BREATHING TECHNIQUES AREN'T WORKING
alexalbon: no he's actually going to scrap you RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
landonorris: those dumbasses don't know what is about to hit them
yourusername: why is logan texting me 911 who is being dramatic
yourusername: wait
yourusername: is that him already
georgerussell63: yes for such a short man he's surprisingly fast
lewishamilton: OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
yourusername: no!
lewishamilton: I JUST WANNA TALK
oscarpiastri: your tone is scaring me
yourusername: OSCAR NO
lewishamilton: OPEN THE DOOR
user47: it's been 20 mins, can we have an update
oscarpiastri: i am alive!
lewishamilton: regardless of what just happened, i am so proud of you y/n !!
yourusername: i love you big brother :))))))
lewishamilton: you're such an inspiration, here's to many more!
user48: lewis being all supportive now after he's scrapped oscar?
lewishamilton: i didn't fight him, he had 30 seconds to convince me not to kill him
oscarpiastri: i did very well :)
lewishamilton: sure
yourusername: you did great babe
oscarpiastri: :)
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oscarpiastri
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liked by logansargeant, yourusername and 1,099,457 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: please don't put me into the barriers lewis, i love your sister
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user51: i think it's safe to say that the 2023 rookies have out done the 2019 rookie sorry not sorry
yourusername: POOKIE, I LOVE YOU POOKIE
oscarpiastri: I LOVE YOU TOO POOKIE
logansargeant: can i like have a medal or some championship points for 1. dealing with this nonsense and 2. keeping this a secret
yourusername: you're our favourite third wheel? that's all i got
oscarpiastri: we also pay for your room service every time
logansargeant: ... fine
user52: they're all so close to me, need y/n and oscar to be the first husband and wife to both win a championship
yourusername: that's the plan 🤞
oscarpiastri: are you PROPOSING TO ME?
yourusername: not yet...
oscarpiastri: hehehehehehe
lewishamilton: SLAM ON THE BRAKES, I JUST GOT USED TO THIS LET'S NOT BRING UP MARRIAGE
yourusername: maybe you need to leave your slag era so i can wife oscar
lewishamilton: DO NOT SLUTSHAME ME
user53: the hamilton piastri house about to be ground zero for the sassy man apocalypse
landonorris: you people are so grossly in love, how did we miss it?
alexalbon: speak for yourself it was so obvious
yourusername: we we're pretty obvious
oscarpiastri: yeah i can confirm that when we told you we were having a pillow fight, we were not
landonorris: WHAT
lewishamilton: delete this.
fernandoalo_oficial: @yourusername did you guys do this so you didn't have to give me a tow?
yourusername: yes xoxoxo
note: i hope you enjoy. life is insane right now but i got my first article at the top of the google rankings so there's that. also ordered my graduation gown and dress!! much love x
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angelltheninth · 18 days
Note
Hey !! Hope ur doing well :)) can u write Yuta eating out reader since they were stressed ?? Pls and Tyy <333
More Yuta is always a treat to write.
Pairing: Yuta Okkotsu x Fem!Reader
Tags: nsfw, smut, cunnilingus, sex to destress, good boyfriend!Yuta, pleasure focused!Yuta
Word count: 0.8k
A/N: Yuta is sad boyfriend material and I can fix him.
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Yuta is a caring boyfriend, always was, he knew you'd be stressed when you came home. He went ahead and made dinner for you. "Your favorite of course. Let me take that purse for you while you take a seat." Before that you needed to kiss him on the cheek as a thank you.
What went over your head is him casually mentioning he would help you destress while you eat.
"Yuta, this is so good! You could open up a restaurant if you wanted." You moaned around the food before taking a second bite.
"I'm so glad. I had to leave early to get all of this ready. You ready for the second part?" You confirmed, not seeing his body go under the table. You were alerted to his presence when his hands parted your thighs. "Go back to eating, leave everything else to me." His breath ghosted over your panties, making you inch forward.
"We're... this is what you meant by second part? I won't be able to eat if you're... also eating." You felt your face blush when he stared at you innocently from between your legs, lightly massaging them. "Ah, fine but if I choke and die I blame you for it. And I'm gonna come back to make you pay with your cock."
His smile was infectious, radiant and pretty rare these days. He wanted to be seen as reliable and strong. A man worthy of a strong woman like you.
"I'll be sure to do it carefully then." As he pulled your panties down he took notice of the transparent string of cum that broke between your pussy and the fabric. "Oh baby, you need my face between your legs badly. You probably held it together for hours with no outlet for release." Yuta whispered hot against your folds before parting them with his tongue.
Why did he have to read you like an open book?
"Not fair... ah... I'm trying to... eat... Yu-!" When his tongue flicked over your clit your hand slammed against the table, rusting the glass on it. Looking down you saw his head pushed between your legs entirely, your skirt hiked up your hips, your panties who knows where but you didn't care. You couldn't care when Yuta opened and closed his mouth against your pussy, smearing wetness all over him and licking up and then down. "Yuta. Please."
He hummed as if confused. "I'm providing stress release. Eat. It'd be bad if it got cold." He licked up to your clit again, this time taking it in his mouth and giving it a firm suck. His hands held you down as your legs struggled to close around him, pushed open by his body. "After a long day all I want is your pussy. I want to eat too."
One of your hands tangled in his hair to ground you as the other shakingly took the fork to eat another bite. You didn't know if you should eat fast or savor it. It was Yuta who cooked it. And he seemed to be taking his time so you followed his example. Bite, swallow, lick, moan, repeat. That was the rest of your dinner.
"Yuta, I finished." You whined when his tongue pressed flat against your abused clit. You pushed the plate and glass away quickly when you felt him speed up. "Please, make me come. I waited, please!"
He was nothing but a good boyfriend to you. Sure he played these games sometimes but your pleasure was always first. Polite of him to wait while you were done eating. You felt the chair get pushed back, tilted backwards, yet you knew you won't fall, his arms got you. But still you wrapped your legs over his shoulders, just to be safe. "Time to make you finish again. It's good that you're done because I can't hold back anymore." His eyes locked briefly on yours before averting them to your swollen, wet pussy.
Quickly he surged forward again, tongue working double time, licking like a starving man, no longer savoring the taste, only focused on your cries and moans and making you come.
He knew you didn't need much, his lips closed around your clit, tongue rubbing across it in tight circles until your head fell back with a scream. "Yuta!"
Pleased with himself Yuta pulled back after a few moments, kissing your thighs as he did. Slowly he pulled your chair closer, eased your still shaking legs of his shoulders and leaned his chin on your legs like a puppy waiting a treat.
He already got one, his face was covered with it but that did take the edge off you. "Good boy, Yuta. Thank you very much for that, I needed it." You managed to smile as you ran your hand through his hair, making him smile from ear to ear at your praise.
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cherubfae · 2 months
Text
you're accidentally shrunk! || hazbin x reader
with Alastor, Lucifer, Husk, Angel Dust, Vox
tags: fluff, comedy, established relationships, gn!reader (implied masc reader for angel as always <3)
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Alastor
He is quite amused by the whole ordeal, if not a touch worried for your wellbeing. You're utterly tiny, capable of sitting in the palm of his hand like a tiny doll. His claw gently nudges your cheek, tilting your chin up. Using his own magic proves to be futile. After several attempts he's still unable to change you back to your normal self. He isn't sure why his powers don't seem to be taking effect.
Alastor doesn't let anyone else touch or hold you. Legit will hold you in his hand above his head should Vaggie or Charlie try to get a better look at you.
"No, no, no," Alastor clicks his tongue. "I'm afraid I'm not comfortable in letting my dearest love be held by anyone but me. Surely, you understand." He gives you a little smile, his thumb gently stroking your head.
You aren't a little toy and the last thing he wants happening if Niffty mistaking you for a roach, so he prefers to have you sitting atop his shoulder, his head, or safely tucked into the pocket of his waistcoat with your tiny little head poking out to watch the world around you. As much as he finds you adorable and vulnerable in this state, he does prefer you as yourself. He'll probably head to Rosie first, he wants nothing to do with Lucifer. She always has her ear to the ground and he's certain he'll get you returned to normal soon.
Lucifer
Well, that's new. Lucifer is easily able to turn you back to yourself but he wants to have a little fun first. He lifts you up and presses little kisses all over your face, giggling to himself when you press your hands to his rosy cheeks.
"Can't help it, sweetheart! You're too cute!" He gently nuzzles your cheek, placing a loving kiss to the top of your head. He'll shapeshift himself into a mouse and pretend that you're a little fairy about to battle for Narnia.
When he turns you back, he is relieved. He much prefers you as your lovely self where you're able to snuggle into his side and hold you properly to his chest, sharing many kisses between you two.
Husk
Shit, this ain't good, but at least yer havin' fun, baby. Husk sighs, leaning his chin against his paws. His yellow eyes flick back and forth in amusement as you treat the bar counter like your own slip-and-slide, watching as you spin around on the shiny wood with a small squeak.
Husk catches you with his tail before you can slide off, lightly placing you back on your feet mirroring the grin you give him. "I'm glad you're having a good time but we gotta figure out how to turn ya back, hun." He leans back against the stool, hoping Charlie has found something or someone who may be able to offer some help.
Charlie, on queue, comes rushing down the stairs holding a light pink pearlescent vial in her hands. "Let's try this!" She stands triumphantly, proudly holding out the vial in her hands. "A drop or two on their head should bring them back to normal height. I have a feeling this will work, but as Plan B we can go to my Dad!" She beams.
Husk nods, giving you a tiny peck on top of your head that only serves to make Charlie coo. Placing you on the floor, Charlie uncaps the vial. A shimmery fuschia-purple liquid smelling of sweet berries oozes out and gently drops onto your head.
A whoosh of pink and yellow unfurls out and soon you're standing before them as mostly yourself. Your hair is now a dyed vibrant pink. Across the room, Alastor who is casually reading the newspaper, snaps his fingers and poof! Your hair is back to normal!
"You could've helped them this whole time?!" Husk hisses, fur bristling. Alastor hums, taking a sip of his black coffee, "Hmm no, just their hair. Good thing they're back in one piece, yes?" He grins. "Too bad you didn't play a little cat and mouse with them. That would have been a sight to behold!"
Angel Dust
As adorable as you are, Angel is fuckin panicking. He's not quite sure what to do and he's terrified of someone accidentally stepping on you. "Okay, baby, I've got ya, hang on!" Angel places you on his chest fluff, his hand holding you in place as he returns to his room.
Depending on how long this magic lasts, Angel will 100% want to play dress up with you and have you try on cute outfits or perhaps make a cute little dollhouse for you. He's too scared of crushing you in his sleep so until this wears off, he doesn't want to risk anything happening to you. He's also worried about Niffty mistaking you for a bug, so when he's out and about, he keeps you close to him at all times. If he has to leave and can't take you with, he instructs Vaggie and Charlie to look after you.
"Do not let Niffty or the Egg Bois around them, got it?" His stern eyes are narrowed, making an expression that he's watching Sir Pentious. "Keep the Eggies in line."
Vox
What the fuck? He blinks, a jolt of electricity nearly short-circuiting himself. Babe, what the fuck happened to you? Vox scoops you into his hands, holding you to his chest. He's doing his best not to panic, convinced this is another one of Alastor's stupid fucking pranks.
Thankfully whatever has happened wasn't permanent. A tiny explosion of sparkles and a poof blue dust has the futuristic demon stumbling back, sighing when you're standing there at your normal height with a hand pressed to your head.
"Holy shit, what the fuck happened?" Vox presses, grasping your hand and pulling you into his lap. He's cupping your face between clawed hands checking for any sign of injury. "Was it Alastor?" You shake your head, coughing out some blue sparkly dust.
"Nah, got caught under some pollen demon's magic on my way to HQ." You grumble, leaning your head onto your boyfriend's shoulder. Vox sighs, wrapping his arms around your waist.
|| I DON'T GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORKS TO BE REPOSTED, RESHARED, OR EDITED. TUMBLR IS MY ONLY ACCOUNT AND THE ONLY PLACE WHERE I POST MY WRITING. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS, THE STORY BELONGS TO ME. || CHERUBFAE © 2024
"Ok, ok, well, you're back," he grumbles. "Don't do that to me again."
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thebibliosphere · 5 months
Text
In case you were wondering how deep down the Batfam fixation hole I am, it's something I've actually been talking about in therapy a lot.
Not like, in a worried way, more just when my therapist asks me what I'm doing in my downtime, my answer always used to be either "sleeping" or "I don't have downtime. I have too much work to do."
Now my answer is "playing my Batman game" or "watching Batman show/reading comics/writing unhinged Batman x Muppet fanfic."
And my therapist is delighted. She's fucking ecstatic. She's like, "You have interests again!" and I'm like !!!! Because here's the thing.
Almost dying in 2019 kinda irrevocably fucked up my brain, like, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. And I've been grieving over that for the last few years as well as recovering from the physical aspects of it. And to cope with it, I threw myself into work even though I wasn't physically or mentally well enough, and that made everything worse, and well, if you've been here, you know.
My brain has not been kind to me for a long time. It still isn't. But I do the work. I do multiple types of therapy a week. I piece myself back together on the daily and try to remember what it means to be human and not just this numb static void that sometimes sounds like shrieking if you listen too closely.
And then randomly, a few months ago a friend bought me Gotham Knights on Steam, and it was like a light turned back on. The engine that'd been refusing to turn over for years suddenly sputtered back to life, and something in my brain went, "Hey, I remember this... this is fun?"
And then I started tentatively searching the tags here on Tumblr, and yeah, actually. I remember this. I remember enjoying this. I can dip my toes into this. This is safe. This is a childhood interest from Before the almost-dying-trauma. And besides, it won't get in the way of my work. This isn't going to consume me. Nothing consumes me like it used to. I'm too broken for that.
Except, haha, jokes on me because, for some fucking reason, Brucie fucking Wayne and his gaggle of chaotic crime-fighting children is what reached into my brain, picked up my trauma, and started shaking it loose like a category 7 earthquake.
I actually laughed about that with my therapist a few weeks ago. Of all characters, of all pieces of media, it's Batman that's helping me process a significant chunk of my emotional trauma in a healthy way.
The most emotionally constipated vigilante in superhero existence, and I'm weeping like a child every time I get an achievement in Gotham Knights, and it says some bullshit like this:
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ID: a purple steam achievement icon that says: He'd Be So Proud Of You. Reach the maximum level as any member of the Batman Family. 6.3% of players have this achievement. /end ID.
(for context, Batman is dead in this game, and you are playing as his emotionally devastated children trying to keep it together. Wailing, gnashing, crying, throwing up etc, etc.)
And my therapist, who has sat with me through EMDR sessions and a multitude of other shit designed to rewire your brain, just shrugs and says, "Sometimes we need to externalize our emotions through safe media. For you, right now, that safety is Batman having a relationship with the Muppets."
And like... okay, yeah. I'll take the win on that one.
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