#but in family ? ...... it's toxic and it doesn't stop u from loving them. bc u always have.

[inkskinned]

in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!

they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.

they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.

you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.

but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.

where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.

and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?

doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.

but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.

what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.

just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?

your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.

#spilled ink #warm up #writeblr #this is about someone specific but feel free to blorbo on main. #tbh this is familial for me so that is an element but it's also about childhood best friends #and probably about ur enemies to lovers blorbo #(but i want to specifically say if ur partner is like this. not necessarily a good partnership lol.) #(the dynamics at play in familial/friend relationships feel equally important and in some ways are HARDER to escape. #bc we can see that this is a potentially toxic romantic foundation. #but in family ? ...... it's toxic and it doesn't stop u from loving them. bc u always have. #and i think that makes it harder. by a lot. which is what this is referencing). #but genuinely and really truly forever feel free to tag ur potentially toxic enemies to lovers on this and all my poetry #here i'll do one for u - adora & catra :x

[cringefailvox]

what do u think abt the dynamic of the vees? they’re truly a fucked up lil family hehe and i wonder how they work in relation to one another ! also specifically val and vox ! i think it’s interesting how there’s some respect between them considering their different strengths lol ( porn and tech/news)

TY FOR ASKING bc i looove the vees so bad.

vox + valentino: most obvious, they're that messy on/off couple with severe issues that nonetheless do genuinely care about each other at the end of the day. val breaks his phone, vox screams in his face, they giggle and dance together, they have the range. they might rile each other up and throw each other under the bus for petty reasons, but in a life or death situation, they protect each other without hesitation. power vacillates between them like a seesaw. manipulative, toxic beyond belief, unexpectedly wholesome - they're made for each other.

valentino + velvette: i just know these bitches live for the drama. they keep each other updated on the latest gossip, they make fun of vox together, they're that awful best friend duo from high school who look at you like you're a bug under their shoes and then they skip class to go vape in the bathroom. val is very fond of her and she likes the attention, but she also gets easily annoyed with his lack of impulse control and inability to play a long con like her & vox. i think she's also one of the few people in existence that val won't sexualize (both bc she'd kill him and bc he sees her as a real person, not a toy).

velvette + vox: these two are the real power houses of the vees. i think vox was a mentor figure of sorts at the beginning, impressed by her ambition and drive, who gave her the tools to succeed and then stood back and watched as she clawed her way rightfully to the top. he respects her and her take-no-shit attitude. she loves him as much as she sees right through his bullshit, and even though she knows he needs her for his empire to function, she acknowledges that she needs his support too. they're both strong leaders and rule their employees with an iron fist. vel doesn't hesitate to call him for backup and both her and val trust vox to take care of them.

vox + val + vel: most importantly, all of the vees see each other as equals. they're all self-obsessed tyrants who view everyone around them as lessers EXCEPT FOR one another. at any given moment, all of them are thinking "i can't believe i'm the only sane one here." vel rolls her eyes and buries her face in her phone while voxval make out with each other over dinner, vox/vel stop val from doing something crazy and impulsive again, vel/val physically drag vox away from his desk to make him take a break from his work.

you disrespect one of the vees, you disrespect all of them. they're fiercely protective of each other and they still let vox humiliate himself on live television for shits and giggles. they're terrible. they love each other. they're a family in every sense of the word, dysfunction and all. they enable each other's worst tendencies while also keeping each other in check. they are everything they are the moment

#i LOVE themmmm <3333 #i need to write more about them as a team #the vees #vox #valentino #velvette #vees #hazbin hotel #staticmoth #voxval

[time-is-restored]

okay like listen i know a lot of people have been talking abt this specific aspect of 3x3 already but. im just having a bit of a moment w the amount of lgbt ppl who saw trent's expression at the end there, and like. Knew.

like to be clear i am aware that at this point trent being gay is, at best, subtext + fanon. its incredibly beloved subtext, but its entirely possible that it could get blown out of the water in the coming episodes. but within the reading of trent being a gay man, seeing colin in that terrifying moment of exposure + vulnerability... that look says So much. its fear, its worry, its an instinctive protective response. its helplessness, its shame from feeling powerlessness, its the grim certainty that comes from knowing just how much is at stake.

(cw: discussion of homophobia + discrimination below. its long. i very much rambled.)

bc the thing that i personally keep coming back to is like. everyone on the team is colin's friend - his family, even, according to the themes of the show. the show is literally about the team + staff working together to break down their toxic/unhealthy behaviours and build up a culture of trust + respect. that's why i think it's so significant that while isaac is the one to use the word gay pejoratively, he's also the one checking in on colin when he gets moved to the bench. he's arguably colin's closest friend at the club! and that's not enough. the fact that the richmond club is made up of demonstrably good and well-intentioned people isn't enough.

don't get me wrong, its fucking terrifying + awful being closeted around ppl who are ACTIVELY bigoted and cruel and who u KNOW would be nothing less than awful to if u were out. but the uncertainty of being around people you love, and not knowing what would happen if you told them? of never truly being sure of your place in the dynamic, since there's always that risk hanging over your head? its exhausting, and terrifying.

because what if they aren't accepting? even avoiding the worst case scenario where his bosses (the coaches, higgins, rebecca - hell, even keely) don't outright cut his career short, he's obviously extremely aware of how being on the outs with the team could lead to his life being made miserable. he was harassing nate himself! and, again, putting aside the (very real! he's a football player! he spends half of his time in a locker room!!!) threat of physical violence, we JUST saw how quickly a member of the team can be shunned + labelled as an outsider (and in the context of this arc, i rlly don't think its a coincedence that trent, specifically, was the one to experience that treatment). and that's without even getting STARTED on the absolute nightmare britain's press + papparazi would be if they put a target on his back (the show has spared no gory detail for their treatment of rebecca + ted, after all).

this is the type of weight colin's been carrying around for the past three seasons. and trent, in that split second before he looked away and continued walking, must've felt it all right along with him. colin works for the fucking premier league in fucking britain. it's harder to think of a workplace LESS hospitable to anything other than the most cishetero, toxic, hyper conformist displays of masculinity.

and that's what fucking GETS me abt the reading where trent is gay! because in the exact same moment where trent would be feeling such a sudden sense of connection + solidarity w colin (you are not alone!!! im here too! i see you! i know you!), there comes the crushing weight of wanting to protect him, and not knowing if you can. trent may be a notoriously incisive + unflinching reporter, but w/ all of his power + armour stripped away now that he's no longer with the independent, it's damningly obvious that trent doesn't have anything close to real power at richmond. if they wanted to make colin's life hell, what could he really do to stop them? again: they're fucking footballers. he's only even allowed at the club on ted's word, a word which could presumably be revoked at any time.

i just. the fear. the guilt. the shame. and above all, the desperate, heart aching need to keep another member of the community safe, even with the odds so blatantly stacked against you both.

and like. idk. to me that is the point of this scene. i think whether you've been in trent's position, or colin's, or neither, the vast majority of us went through a very similar emotional journey when we saw colin exposed like that. love -> fear -> protectiveness. and its an urge so strong, ppl are (lightheartedly, for the most part) threatening the Literal Writers of the show! like, the fact that rn there are SO many people out there tweeting + liveblogging and threatening trent, threatening isaac, threatening the WRITERS - threatening literally anyone and everyone over the CHANCE that any of them will hurt colin/out him/expose him to homophobia in any way? like, yes, colin isn't real. but i'd like to hope that that solidarity is.

and just to be clear, ted lasso is ultimately a comedy show. while it has never shied away from frankly portraying dark subject matter, i don't think this story will have an unhappy ending. but if this arc comes with any takeaway at all, i just really fucking hope that its about how that solidarity is what we all need to embrace + run towards, rather than try and stifle. and that colin is fully + unconditionally supported by his community, whoever that may be.

#cw homophobia #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso meta #colin hughes #trent crimm #can you tell im having a very normal time abt this episode and its reception. #[tears streaking down my face] so normal. comically normal even.

[thetwelfthcrow]

The brocedes friendship and how it went from "we're like family" to "he's not my friend" is mind boggling. Their friendship is (well, was) the most intense the sport has ever seen. I know that it's a meme how one of them has avoided talking about the other for years while the other one refuses to shut up, but when you really look at how much they meant to each other and at all the cruel shit that they then did to each other just because they knew where to hit the other where it hurts, then it's not funny.

That's also why it's so ridiculous when people make a comparison between George and Lewis and brocedes. Nico and Lewis were "family", they literally loved each other. Have people even seen a smidge of what went down, I wonder? That's not to say that George and Lewis won't end up toxic but a bad rivalry between teammates isn't new to f1. Nico and Lewis had a whole relationship prior and outside of f1 that makes what happened and the intensity of how it happened so singular. It's sobering to think about, to be honest, considering that this explosion wouldn't have been half as big if they hadn't meant so much to each other. It still would've been ugly but not like this. Everything that went down was always personal and it's unbelievable how they tore into each other for the whole world to see and that we'll still never get the full story and the true levels or what went down behind closed doors. Just that they came out of it completely damaged and changed.

they ARE mind bogglin' fr fr

it is indeed not funny, it's dramatic. there's a kuzko line from my mamma says that goes 'our way of loving is dramatic, fanatic, slightly pathetic' and it's literally them fr.

any comparison to brocedes is Wrong. no one could ever have such deeprooted and fundamental lore to who they are as a person today the way brocedes does.

george and lewis will likely end up in a toxic teammate-rivalry because george keeps getting called 'the new gen' of mercedes but lewis is Still There. that team would be nothing without lewis so george has to keep on waiting until lewis has his eighth is satisfied and he doesn't strike me as a patient man. he does massively look up to lewis but i wonder how long that'll last. but yeah - all of george v lewis is based on the moment it was clear that george would go to merc, and everything beyond that. before that, there was nothing. whereas, before brocedes became teammates, there was everything.

i think most people are like 'oh brocedes = enemies to lovers' and just leave it as that and then see another 'enemies' to lovers and go, oh just like brocedes! but they have No Clue about the Lore. about the lovers to enemies pipeline of it all. about how it started, how it went and then how it ended and now how it's still affecting them both.

this explosion wouldn't have been half as big if they hadn't meant so much to each other.

no but that's it !!! they Meant so so so much to each other and that's what made it an explosion in the first place! for everything else, it doesn't matter bc there is no one that was as important to lewis as nico, and vice versa!!!!!!!!! but everything changed when the fire nation attacked nico ignored teamorders to favor himself above lewis.

they did come out of it completely changed. no ship will ever manage to hold as much weight as brocedes did. i wish people'd stop pretending, trying.

anon. amazing essay i love u

#Anonymous #brocedes

[blindmagdalena]

I’ve got a theory abt homelander—and this is partially canon bc like we see it played out through the show, but its interesting how he sort of shapes himself to be what the ppl he loves want him to be. Or rather what he thinks they want 😅 with stillwell, he was the most “homelander”, if that makes sense. An all american pretty face, saying his lines perfectly, pulling strings behind the scenes to try to achieve her ends. With stormfront, the violence becomes more blatant and extreme, and we even see it to a degree with ryan (because despite how badly he may have wanted a family, he sort of pulled the involved dad thing out of nowhere). It really speaks to his lack of identity, and its also sort of why i disagree with the extreme abusive yandere characterization a lot of ppl have w homie 😭 bc while he is unbelievably toxic and scary, i think he’s extremely cognizant of the ppl around him. If he truly loved someone, i dont think he’d go out of his way to hurt them (problem is, his concept what “hurting someone” actually means is… skewed, to put it nicely). But, more than anything, no matter what he says, he wants be loved. So he’ll do whatever it takes, be whoever he needs to be, to make sure that the people he loves love him, too. He’s mirrorball coded 😭😭 sorry for the essay, i just have many awful homelander thoughts and ur my fav homiewriter so u get the word vomit 🙃 hope ur having a good night!!

don't apologize, I loved waking up to this!!! I think you're 100% correct. homelander is a chameleon. he has spent his entire life adapting to what people expect or want from him. he was abused by vogelbaum, groomed by stillwell, and stormfront was also using him for her agenda. homelander has pretty exclusively experienced love as a transaction. he was drip fed affection in exchange for performing to the expectations of whoever's love he was seeking. I reeeaaaally wish they hadn't dumbed down his relationship with maeve. between all the deleted scenes and the bits of context we got, I feel like theirs was the most complicated relationship he had. I desperately would have liked a more nuanced take than the hamfisted comparison between them and soldier boy/countess. strongly agree that he wouldn't be overly physically abusive to anyone he was smitten with. stormfront had to bully him into throwing her around and even then he still paused or stopped every time he thought he actually hurt her. homelander doesn't need to use his strength to make a point. he's way more cunning than he gets credit for. this is a safe space for meta rambling, my sweet. I also firmly believe in homelander being deeply multifaceted. I tend to write him as initially standoffish, even hostile, and the kind of person to make pretty snap judgements about people. If he decides he likes someone, first comes fixation. it's not love, it's not kind, it's fascination. the next stage is infatuation. I think a key aspect of what you mentioned is 'if he truly loved someone.' I don't know if HE even knows what that looks like yet. he turned on madelyn because she lied to him, but he still mourned and deeply missed her. did he love her? maybe, but in his mind she committed too many cardinal sins. she lied to him, she was afraid of him, and she didn't love him back, which is the only thing he ever really wanted from her.

#anyways homelander is not a good person but he's not a mustache twirling villain either and that's why we love a pathetic man #homelander meta #homelander #darling anon #homelander headcanons #this is so incoherent but just know that i appreciate you and your take #thank you so much for the kind words!!! #ask and you shall receive

[kinnsporsche]

once again an episode that made me absolutely lose my mind!!! kp are so in love and they finally said it!! although, i would have liked it better if they said it to each other in private first but oh well can't have everything. and porsche is officially a stay at home wife i love that for him. the scene when p was drying kinn’s hair though, it was the softest shit i have ever seen in my life <3 i also loved the scenes with taytime they are always so good i wish they had more screen time. 1/4

and we got the kimchay breakup :/ i was expecting it but it still hurt. I still have hope that they will end up together. however, the most important part of this episode (for me) was vegaspete!!! god these two make me go insane. the way we went from sadistic torture to that convo at the end. bible and build's chemistry is actually unbelievable i can't get enough of these sick motherfuckers. and don't even get me started on the cinematography like the lights and the shots and just the whole atmosphere it was so good and so sexy and I’m gonna need 3-5 business days to recover. that preview was the final nail in my coffin i don't think i can wait a whole week for more. I’ve read some metas about them but honestly I don’t even care if vegas changes for pete or not. their relationship is so fucked up on so many levels that I don’t think it can really be redeemed. certainly not in 3 episodes. and honestly does he need to be? can’t he just stay the fucked up villain that he is? I wouldn’t mind. I’m just here to enjoy some toxic fictional men be sexy and gay and so far they did just that so I’m satisfied. I can’t believe we only have 3 episodes left T_T I don’t know what I will do when this show ends. (I hope you’re doing well )

omg my kp anon i've missed u so much!!!!

for me i'd always had a hc that kinn had a hard time saying ily to anybody bcs he'd been burned by love in the past so he hated saying it but this show roundhouse kicked that in the face and left me obliterated at the scene this mf is out here shouting it from rooftops to anybody who'll listen good for him

god you know what sends me absolutely feral? kinn casually mentioning his mother to porsche. her death must still be a sore subject for him, nobody talks about it we've hardly had any mention of her and for him to just be like "my mother used to do this for me" god how long has it been since someone's taken care of him like that? and now here's porsche the biggest caretaker in the world just so ready and willing to do everything he can to take care of kinn bcs thats his love language and he loves him sm i just y'all mind if i break the fuck down real fast

pls the kimchay break up!!!! like kimothy i get why you did what you did but that doesn't mean me and tankhun won't beat your ass for it bestie 😔😔 you made the baby cry. like he's literally alread living at the estate, he can't get anymore involved with the mafia, but i guess kim was literally just faced with the reality of porchay being kidnapped because of his ties to the mafia through his brother, and he's probably thinking about how much worse it'll be if he's tied to the mafia through HIM, he's probably thinking about all their enemies and how much of a target it'd make him so he's being a self-sacrificing little shit about it god tankhun needs to hit him with a tray and knock some sense into him

i haven't been that eager about the vp arc yet, im betting that'll probably change in today's ep and next weeks ep 👀 just wanna see pete humble that man so bad, and i dont want vegas to stop being a bad person just bcs he gets with pete ykwim? he's interesting because he's a villain lets keep it that way besties. i do bet he'll get a redemption arc, i've mentioned this to a few people i talk to but with the way things are going it made me wonder if the big shootout at the major family house in the promo where vegas is framed as a big bad is actually misleading and vegas'll be there to help kinn and the major family and maybe put a bullet in his dad's head i just wish him a very big die even if i will miss the dilf 😔

pls dont mention that we only have 3 episodes left pls dont mention that theres only 2 more weeks of kinnporsche or i'll start to eat glass

#kissies for u my kp anon mwah mwah mwah #kp anon #answered #anonymous

[streaming-yn]

Forgetful! y/n

I haven't gotten requests yet, so take some y/n with memory problems and how their chat treats them and stuff!!

Part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // part 7

Pronouns: they/them

Other information on the reader:

. Knows of and enjoys the dream smp

. Somewhere between famous and not

. Doesn't mind fanfic of them

. Faceless

. The memory issue is a medical problem, not just bad memory

. Mainly Minecraft streamer, but will play other games if chat asks :)

. The reader isn't sensitive about bad memory jokes as long as they're lighthearted and from either friends/family or fans!

Warnings: medical issue (memory loss), hate (chat and you tell them off though), cussing

Form: headcanons

Summary: y/n has memory loss and is a streamer! How does this work out for them and how does their chat act?

Genre: platonic (does that count here?), fluff(? It's positive but I don't think you'd call it fluff), positive, very very slight angst that dissipates quickly (hate, but you and chat tell them off)

Abbreviations: y/n -> your name, s/n -> your streamer name

Chats gonna help you out!!

"chat! Chat! Can you please remember coords of the portal?"

Then chats full "yes" "yep!" "sure" "ofc" various emojis confirming they will, as well as the occasional "no /j" or "it's basically law now"

Ok but imagine someone finds you and keeps spamming in chat that your faking you memory issues for attention

Chats on their ass immediately

"why are watching if it bothers you so much?" "you're giving them views yk" "who are you to say? You don't know them" "yeah! You've never met them, you aren't them either!" "lay off man why are you upset about this? Guarantee this is your first time watching, you can click off"

You didn't see it bc chat moved FAST dude and you were pretty focused on your search for ancient debris

Hater didn't like that so they donated $1 with the attached note being "stop faking your memory loss. It's annoying, we all know you don't actually struggle with it, you just want to blow up."

You n chat rn:

Chat's going off

And you're like "why should I care what you think? And why would I fake it, I have no reason to, I quite like where I'm at now. I don't need to prove myself to you, if you think I'm annoying, you can leave, it's not that hard. You do understand how to exit streams, yes? Do I need to teach you?" You start mocking them at the end and laugh to yourself a bit "oh! And thank you for the money" you finish, thinking it pretty dumb of them to donate if they don't like you.

Anyway

Chats laughing with you and praising you

Just bc y'all are nice to each other doesn't mean you aren't (playfully) mean!

Y'all definitely are 💀

Also!! They figured out you like dsmp bc someone highlighted their message asking if you knew what it was

You said yes and that you really like the story line, albeit confusing, but enjoyable! And the characters were so cool too!!

Chat immediately:

👀👀

Omg

👀

Can I,,,

R we allowed.?

GUYS OMG R WE ALL THINKING THE SAME THING

I THINK WE R

Knowing what they're referring to you're like "yea sure"

Now the chat's comparing you to c!ranboo

After stream you go on twitter and you see Ranboo trending, not odd, until you see "trending with s/n"

N you're like 👁️👁️???

You look through the tag and there's a bunch of different stuff!

Your fans drawing you and random and/or you as ranboo

Your fans tagging ranboo and asking y'all to collab

Your fans giving collab ideas

Your fans asking dream to put you in the smp

Ranboo's fans having no clue who tf you were "s/n???" "who is s/n??? N y r they trending w ranboo? /gen"

Ranboo's fans asking your fans who you were while ur fans r like "OH MY GOD OK SO UM THEY'RE SO COOL SUB 2 THEM ON TWITCH AT S/N TY <3" n the ranboo fans r like ":00??? I will!! Do u know when their next stream is so maybe I could tune in? :D"

Basically your fans n ranboo's fans becoming friends, it's nice to see

You're glad the majority of both of your fans are super nice and ranboo's fans weren't insulting u bc u trended too :') <3

You def got more followers!

(if you want me to expand more on forgetful!reader and ranboo maybe meeting and their friendship lmk, id be happy to write more!! :D)

Anyways

If you promised to play a game and you forgot, chat isn't gonna like idk yell at you or whatever, they're gonna remind you both in twitch chat and Twitter :)

You do have a share of toxic fans, obviously, every streamer does,,

But like?? 4 some reason yours like 2 pretend memory loss too??? N like, its obvious, you're just like 👁️ y'all what r you doin,,,

But you try to distance yourself from that side bc it make you uncomfy and invalid bc it feels like they're mocking you (you're valid!!!)

I THINK AMONG US W FRIENDS WOULD B FUNNY

BC YOU KNOW HOW YOU'RE OKAY W FRIENDS AND STUFF MAKING MEMORY JOKES AS LONG AS YOU KNOW THEY'RE JOKES???

Just like,, imagine you die n at the meeting your friends r just like "umute y/n, tell us who killed you"

Bc they know you forgot

Dw tho, your friends n fans love you <33

#mcyt x reader #streamer!au #streamer!reader #streamer!y/n #ranboo x reader #Y/n #Reader #Fanfic #Streamer #Streaming #Writer #Writing #Not request #Forgetful!reader #Headcanon #Headcanons #Fic #Mcyt #mcyt fandom

[starglitterz]

I saw u watched encanto. Your thoughts abt abuela?

a rlly interesting character!! it's almost 12am so my brain is not in the best shape rn but yasss here goes nothing

OK SO evidently she turned out being very toxic towards the rest of the family but the fact is that she was doing it bc she was scared of losing her home – she had experienced the pain of that before and didn't want her family to go through the same thing as well, so essentially she had good intentions coming from her love of the family. this obviously doesn't excuse her behaviour, but it does give us an explanation for why she acts this way.

another thing is that she likes to help all the townspeople and ensure everything is perfect while staying in control, which i actually think is bc everything spiralled OUT of control on the night pedro died and the encanto was born. she was unable to stop pedro from surrendering and dying, so she does her best now to control the entire family and prevent them from doing whatever they want based on their emotions bc she's worried it could lead to (in a worst case scenario) their demise. she turns out to be more stifling than anything tho, especially shown by how isabela didn't even know she could grow things other than roses.

speaking of isabela, i think that abuela actually projects A LOT onto her. isabela lowk looks like younger abuela, and coincidentally mariano looks a lil like pedro in terms of hairstyle and everything. isabela is thrown into the perfect golden child box, which is basically abuela's dream being pushed onto her. and i also saw this interesting theory which is that isabela is the only one who wears silky clothes, which is smth abuela wouldn't have had when she was younger and would have wanted to gift isabela specifically for that reason. even the fact that mariano is encouraged to marry isabela instead of dolores (the oldest) shows abuela's favouritism.

ANYWYAS im too tired to add more but yeah i hope this made sense !! lmk if u have any other thoughts omg :O id love to hear it !! <3

#📧 — mail ! #pr1nxs💌 #💟 — faves !

[enbies-and-felonies]

and tbh. i dont think i told u before but these past few months? the past year or two or something however long it's been since i found out i'm queer have just been so fucked and like obv for other things too but also in a major way bc there's no. love here for queerness. like..... i, ok, i have my brother, but that's all i have and he doesn't even like the concept of the lgbtq+ community bc he hates labels and yk what valid? but its just been like. it didn't go over well with one of my closest friends and then i couldn't deal with that and stopped talking to her and don't know how to start again and i don't talk to any of the three queer religious friends i have anyway and then there's just my family who r astoundingly homophobic and. i hate that it's all pushed me away from God? sometimes it's like i open my eyes and he's just so far away and i don't know how to move? and i really just..... like. somewhere i Know that it doesn't matter like we talk about all the time but if the only reassurance i have that it's okay is like, my aunt is friends with a woman who has a girlfriend? it's just so shit and i'm so tired dude. like. i want to come home so bad!!!! but i just feel like i can't!!! like it's entirely hypocritical to u just saying today that people cannot affect your individual relationship w God but i think i am letting it or that it is in some way and i'm just like. well now i just want a hug from someone who at the very least doesn't want to throw queerness out into cold dark space to freeze and die.

oh love,,,,,, i completely understand. it is. it is so hard because you're so isolated and even some of the people who should be there for you just. aren't.

and honestly i don't even think it is hypocritical to say that 1. what other people think abt your faith can't actually do anything abt it BUT. 2. it can still affect it? because like. church is meant to be a community, right? and when it's Not A Community it can just. poison christianity

even when you don't want it to and even when you're aching for the love it still. it's meant to provide love and then it doesn't and it. eats at you and makes you bitter and you WANT love and you want TO love but you aren't loved by your own community so How can You Love when the people who are supposed to Be Love to you... aren't?

on one hand i want to give love to every single fucking queer christian kid out there because i know. i know it hurts and i KNOW it's lonely and i want to give them a place to feel loved but. but *i'm* still not getting that love?

it's like we have to take the smallest scraps of representation where we can get it like. like going to a coffeeshop with a gay pride flag in the window with your sister and knowing like. you might not get to be out and you might not be being loved in the open but at least she didn't make a derogatory comment and yeah. it's fucking the bare minimum but you take what you can get and like. the church shouldn't be like that.

the church shouldn't be bare minimum enough love to scrape by and when it is, or when it's toxic,,,,, it just. it fucks US over and it hurts like hell and i want to love God with everything i have but honestly sometimes i look at the people around me being christians and it makes my stomach turn because that's the example for "who i'm supposed to be like" and i couldn't bare to be like that so. so. yeah.

#i am hugging you rn through space if u want #i know what it's like to crave comfort from someone who loves you as you are. who KNOWS who u are and loves you #and doesn't love you DESPITE it bc it isn't a problem. it isn't a problem to be who u are #i have an inkling that i love you<3 #tw religion #tw christianity

[absurdthirst]

i have this thing where i stop thinking people are not my friends anymore bc they stop talking to me and i always seem to be the one looking for a conversation and when i don't even get an answer i just never send messages anymore. like even with mutuals or internet friends i just stop considering them friends. They're like someone i know but to me they're not my friend anymore.

There's this famous post here on tumblr that i see reblogged a lot that has 1 million notes and i always see it and I'm like damn i DONT relate. And it says: doesn't matter if we stopped talking i still consider u my friend.

In reality i talk to like 4 people on here rn and 2 of them I'm recently talking to them. And the other 2 I've been talking for some time that i do consider good friends.

And with people i can see and hang out with. I only talk to two people.

I do know more people but i rarely talk to them so part of me is like "friend!!!!!" And the other part is like "person i know! Who i just refer to "person i know""

I asked one of my friends why that is. Why do i stop thinking they're my friend when someone stops talking to me. Sometimes i don't do it on purpose. Sometimes it goes by weeks or months since i talked to someone and i see them pop up on my feed and I'm like oh right they exist.

She said that maybe i just don't want to get hurt.

Could be.

Also while I'm on this topic.

I don't like when people on here say stuff like "oh pls talk to me guys. Slide into my DMs i wanna make friends" and then when you do slide into their DMs they never respond. Like i get it life. But also how can u say that if u don't really wanna answer people or have the time. I don't think it's cool for either parties. It makes the person who said "slide into my DMs" bad and also the person looking for a friendship.

Has happened to me various times where i wanna start a friendship and they never answer me. So i just rarely try to make friends on here anymore and i just stick to sending people nice asks or anon. And that part of me who sees that mutual or person i follow who doesn't follow me back as FRIEND. i just tone it down.

really curious about what your answer to this ask will be. Thank u for hearing me or i guess reading me.

So I'm going to admit, I'm horrible at answering sometimes. Not because I'm ignoring someone or anything like that, but because I see it and then the cat throws up or the kid decides it's a perfect time to play 'crash the scooter' or I get an outage at work. And then I forget what I was doing until I open my messages again.

I try my hardest to answer in a timely manner, but it also doesn't help that Tumblr shows you online for HOURS past when you actually log off. So the person that sent a message and am anticipating an answer feels like they are being brushed off.

I have a different mentality on the idea. Because I grew up moving from place to place as a part of a military family, I had friends from all over. I could not speak to them for years, but then get a call or a message and it's like "MY FRIEND!". The only people I won't consider friends anymore are people I've had to cut out of my life for reasons like being toxic or no good for me.

Plus there are people in here that I will chat with for a few days straight, we won't talk for while because we are both busy and then, it's coming and yelling at them in the DMs because of something they wrote/posted and we pick up where we left off.

As far as them not following you back, I follow no one as absurdthirst, because this isn't my original blog. So that could be something to take into consideration.

The sliding into DM's things I avoid, myself. Just because I'm not sure what exactly someone is looking for in a friend. Have I gone screaming my love for them into someone's inbox when I just have to? Hell yes. And I love when when we become friends because of it. But I also am the type of person that believes that you know what kind of friends you want better than I do. Very rarely do I give someone advice and offer to talk to them in DM does someone actually do it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

#real talk