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forabeatofadrum · 1 year

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Hello @larkral, @martsonmars, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @thnxforknowingme, @cutestkilla and @ivelovedhimthroughworse for the tags! Happy Easter, ramadan mubarak, chag Pesach sameach and happy one day after Thatcher died day. I have nothing to show, so I am just saying hi!

I did submit my contribution to the AU, Please! fest, but it will be posted somewhere between the 10th - 14th. I, unfortunately, had to drop the other prompt, since my thesis is kicking my ass and I knew I wasn’t going to able to finish it on time, but the mods were very understanding. (Lobster!Dex, you will forever be in my heart!)

Since I have no new fic sentences, instead have an actual no-context sentence that I uttered today: “I cannot believe I am talking about kink during Easter brunch.”

Small thesis update: I have conducted 6 of the 13 interviews by now and I am having a lot of fun, especially since I already love how varied the responses are. This will be hell for me when I need to analyse it, but it is a hoot. I had a person talk about how sci-fi is the best genre for queer rep and then the next person spent most of her time talking about how sci-fi is queer unfriendly. Or then I have a respondent talk about how queer representation is terrible, one-sided, and conformist, only for the next person to celebrate how diverse the many queer representation is. I am enjoying it so much I even like transcribing (🤯🤯🤯🤯) since I love rereading what they said. I don’t love it, though, since it is still tedious and it makes my back hurt, but I cannot reiterate enough that I enjoy doing my thesis purely because the research topic is the shit.

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos @blurglesmurfklaine @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @captain-aralias @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @ionlydrinkhotwater @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @nausikaaa/@wellbelesbian @artsyunderstudy @facewithoutheart @shrekgogurt @boyinjeans

#so many tags!#but i have been out and about all day being with family #celebrating easter; cleaning out my late grandma's house; giving my cousin a 1/8th life crisis... good day #and apparently talking about kink with my other cousin during easter brunch #with my aunt sat next to me #but i think she didn't hear #tagged in #six sentence sunday #also the mods said i can publish lobster!dex later #since i did start it #but then it just won't be part of the collection which is a bit of a shame but now i am not stressed about it so i take it #thesis lol

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wouldntbehim · 5 months

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mix: firstprince (taylor's version)

#rwrbedit #alex x henry #alex claremont diaz #henry fox #my reward for not putting any tswift songs on my other mix is that i decided to do one that is just. nothing but tswift songs.#so. firstprince mix (taylor's version)#i was gonna do 'say don't go' for kensington but.#i actually liked 'haunted' a lot more for it #and nearly did 'haunted' for the scene of alex and nora but they swapped #(dress was entirely self-indulgent btw but. i couldn't resist.)#i have zero apologies for the choice of 'paper rings' btw #not pictured: me tapping my foot and waiting impatiently for rep tv #(listen my life will not be complete until i hear 'don't blame me (taylor's version)')#i'm choosing to blame this on my best friend #bc i went 'since i didn't put any on the other mix tell me i can't make one that's just tswift songs'#and she went 'do it.'#and i said 'okay at least tell me i can't just name it 'firstprince (taylor's version)'' and she said 'okay but you should'#so here we are.#also i think my favorite coloring in this is the one i used for 'wildest dreams' and 'you are in love' and 'say don't go'#yes i did attempt to color them in ways reminiscent of the albums and what about it

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flufflecat · 10 months

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this is the most beautiful creature on earth and I will kill someone if it asks me to

#horseshoe crabs #I had a fun day at the beach #60% of my time was spent looking for horseshoe crabs #sadly I didn't find any tagged ones so no horseshoe crab pin for me 😔#God I love these creatures though #shoutout to the girl and her boyfriend who were very interested in hearing my Horseshoe Crab Facts spiel #especially bc the girl let me teach her how to hold the crab so she could take a pic with it #I respect you random beach girl #and your lack of fear when faced with a creature that looks like a facehugger #I'm obsessed with how utterly chill and harmless horseshoe crabs are #they just scoot along like little roombas #and look so creepy but have no ability to hurt anyone #(I don't think they're creepy though. I think they're adorable perfect little angels)#and the way they move is perfect. it looks fake #I wish I could spend the next 7 hours at the beach staring at horseshoe crabs #why oh why must I be here with my family. these losers want to do things like 'go back to the hotel because it's getting dark'#booooo cowards #join me in some nighttime horseshoe crab excursions #cute animals #crabs #(not actually a crab)

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shanastoryteller · 10 months

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Happy Pride!!!! Living Blood or Lady Mo please!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43

Xuanyu disrobes unashamedly, hesitating only at the last second with the sleeve covering her left arm.

Jiang Yanli laughs. “Bit late to be modest, I think.”

“Modesty is overrated,” she returns, which is something that Zixuan would say and A-Yao would think. She slips the rest of the robes off and steps into the steaming bath, letting out a deep sigh of satisfaction.

The changes her body has undergone are even more obvious without the thick layers of the robes obscuring her form. The extra weight seems to have settled in ideal places, not only thickening her waist and limbs but settling heavily along her hips and breasts, which hadn’t exactly been small to begin with.

She sits behind Xuanyu, filling a bowl with water and then pouring it over her hair to rinse it of blood and dirt that had been hidden by her dark hair. Acting as a bathing assistant is far below her station, but Xuanyu had sent all the servants away and she doesn’t mind, really. Xuanyu is her sister, likely the only one she’ll ever have considering A-Cheng’s track record with matchmakers, and she’s been worried about her. This gives them time to speak alone. “How has your marriage with Lan Wangji been? Has he been kind?”

Xuanyu pulls a face, which isn’t encouraging. “I guess. He mostly left me alone, and then we had a couple fights and he was a jerk, and now I think he’s trying to make up for being a jerk, but it’s a little – well, it’s nice that he’s making an effort. I suppose.”

Not as good as she’d hoped, but not as bad as she’d feared. “Sect Leader Lan seems fond of you.”

“Oh, Lan Xichen is great,” she says easily. Better than reaction to Lan Wangji, but still not what Jiang Yanli had been hoping for. Then her eyes light up. “Sizhui is wonderful! I’ll give Wangji one thing, he’s raised a good kid. He’s so sweet, and a great cultivator, and he’s always trying to help out everyone around him. I’m glad Jingyi’s always hanging around – without him, I think everyone would just take advantage of Sizhui’s good nature.”

Well, that’s something. Surely Lan Wangji can’t resist Xuanyu’s charms for long, not when she dotes on his son and gets along with his brother.

“What trouble did you get into on the road?” she asks, running her hand over the wound on Xuanyu’s shoulder. It looks nearly fully healed already and there’s another mostly healed wound on her hip, a thin slice on her left arm, and the shadow of various bruises that were likely much worse a couple hours ago. It’s of course a good thing that Xuanyu has a strong golden core, but Jiang Yanli can’t help a moment of wistfulness.

Her own core never lived up to her mother’s expectations, or her own. If she’d had a stronger core, she could have given A-Ling siblings. A child should have siblings. She would have had a calmer childhood without two little brothers underfoot, but a lonelier one too.

Xuanyu shrugs, lazily scrubbing herself down. “Looks like Xiao Xingchen picked up the girl, A-Qing, while he and Song Lan were separated and was trapped in this place that was basically a ghost town.” How could he be trapped by a place that had no people? “And I’d heard some rumors so when we ran into Song Lan I helped him find Xiao Xingchen, but there was a bit of a fight with someone who didn’t want him to leave. I just happened to get caught in the crossfire, so to speak.”

She’s stretching the truth to outright lying. Before Jiang Yanli can call her on it, her stomach growls.

“Didn’t get a chance to eat on the road?” she teases.

Xuanyu flushes, ducking briefly beneath the water to hide her flaming cheeks before resurfacing. “Things were a little hectic. It may have slipped my mind.”

How has she managed to put on weight while also forgetting to eat? Perhaps Lan Wangji deserves more credit.

“I think I have some candies in my room, if you want something before the banquet,” she offers. “I know the speeches take forever.”

Her eyes light up before dimming and she slumps in the bath. “Thanks, Yanli-jie, but I better not. Sizhui gave me some on the road and I usually love them but just putting it in my mouth almost made me sick. It was awful. And weird! They’re my favorite.”

Jiang Yanli blinks then gives Xuanyu’s significantly larger chest a considering look. It could be nothing. It’s probably nothing. She hasn’t even been married a year and it doesn’t sound as if she and Lan Wangji have been seeing eye to eye.

Then again, the same could have been said about her and Zixuan.

“Can I ask you something personal, Meimei?”

Xuanyu nods. “You can ask me anything, Yanli-jie.”

“Are you and Lan Wangji having sex?”

She turns bright red and ducks beneath the water for so long that Jiang Yanli is starting to get concerned before she resurfaces, still red faced. “Um. We did once. Well – I guess, technically, it was three times, but it was only one night.”

Well. Apparently Lan Wangji has stamina on and off the battlefield.

“One moment,” she says, briefly squeezing Xuanyu’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

It takes one whispered conversation with the servant outside the hall and approximately ninety seconds before her personal healer is standing in front of her. Jiang Yanli ducks back inside to see Xuanyu out of the bath, in a thin bathing robe that’s clinging to her as she wrings her hair out. “I’d like my healer to take a look at you, Meimei.”

Xuanyu freezes, slowly standing straight with a wary look on her face. “That’s really not necessary. The wounds were just superficial and they’re basically healed already.”

“It’ll be quick,” she says, because if she’s right then she can’t let Xuanyu go down to the banquet without letting her know. “She’s very discreet – she’s been my personal healer since I was a child.”

“Jiang Xingyi?” Xuanyu asks, some of her tension draining away.

Jiang Yanli nods, trying to think of some reason that Xuanyu would know her healer’s name, or her reputation, but all the servants are terrible gossips and her health is a frequent topic of derision. “Just your wrist, okay? Your golden core has changed a lot. I just want her to take a look.”

She feels bad about lying, but Xuanyu had lied to her first.

Xuanyu relaxes even further. “Okay, Yanli-jie. If it’ll make you feel better.”

“Thank you,” she smiles, then opens the door to usher Jiang Xingyi in.

The old woman doesn’t smile, but Xuanyu grins back undeterred, and says, “Hi, Granny,” before paling and adding, “uh, um. Sorry.”

Jiang Yanli feels a familiar pang of grief go through her. A-Xian had referred to Jiang Xingyi as Granny, the only disciple both bold and beloved enough to get away with it.

Jiang Xingyi ignores her, instead reaching for her wrist and pressing her fingers against it. Xuanyu fidgets, shifting from one foot to the other, but says nothing as the moments stack on top of one another.

Finally, Jiang Xingyi drops her wrist and steps back. Her stern visage breaks, a smile stretching her mouth across her face. “Congratulations, Madame Lan.”

She knew it!

“Thanks,” Xuanyu answers before wrinkling her nose. “Um. For what?”

“You are expecting,” she answers. “At least a couple months along, I believe, although I’d have to do a more thorough examination to be sure.”

Jiang Yanli moves to embrace her, but Xuanyu’s face drops and she turns dangerously pale. “What? No. That’s not possible. I can’t be.”

“Three times,” Jiang Yanli reminds her, trying to goad Xuanyu into laughter.

But instead she just shakes her head. “No, no I can’t, I – this can’t be happening,” she whispers to herself, grabbing her own arms in a white knuckled grip. “It’s not. It’s impossible. I can’t be.”

She’s young, and this wasn’t a marriage of her own choosing, and it’s so new. Of course she’s surprised and nervous. Jiang Yanli touches her elbow, intending to say something soothing, but Xuanyu collapses into her arms, gripping her waist and hiding her tears in her shoulder.

“Xuanyu!” she says, hugging her back just as fiercely, her heart breaking for the younger girl’s anguish. “Meimei, it’s okay, I know this is scary, but it’s going to be fine.”

“It’s not,” she says, voice thick with tears, “A-jie, this is awful, this is – it can’t happen! It can’t, Wangji is going to be so mad, he’s going to hate me, and everything is ruined and awful, I can’t be – I can’t! I’m going to die!”

Jiang Yanli’s whole body goes cold and she grips Xuanyu even tighter against her. “You’re going to be fine,” she says, pushing her conviction into every syllable.

No matter what Jiang Yanli has to do, Xuanyu is going to be fine.

#oh wwx #our babygirl is going through it #dw everything is going to be fine #wwx is like i'm going to die before i can have this baby and kill lan zhan's baby and he's going to hate me forever #and jyl who obviously has no context for this hears that xuanyu thinks that lwj is going to kill her #which she'd think that lwj would never do but also she saw him during war and she's not the one married to him #and everyone knows he didn't want this marriage and also made a big thing about how sizhui's position won't be usurped #jyl to herself: do i have to kill lan wangji?#prompt answers #prompts are closed #asks #anon #untamed

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soulfireblue · 5 months

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remembering how tubbo and cellbit being siblings was a pretty popular headcanon before bagi joined, and then people headcanoned the three of them as siblings. but i think that what we've ended up with is tubbo and bagi as siblings, removed from cellbit. i don't usually like to assign found family traditional family roles, but in this case, i think it being specifically a sibling role is important.

because bagi's spent so long chasing after a brother who doesn't want her. so she's gone "fine, then. i'll find myself one who does." and tubbo certainly wants her around! he doesn't mind her stealing from him. he chose her for his team the first time around, despite the one-sided tension they'd originally had.

she went to purgatory for her coach. she said she'd stick her hand in the fire for him. and they didn't win, but they get to walk out together, so i think bagi won, honestly. there's also the mutual bickering and the stealing, but that's part of it too. and there's so much mutual respect there as well.

anyway. i love seeing them hang out and i hope they hang out even more going forward, not just for themselves but also for sunny and empanada <3 because they're siblings too and i love them and i wish they got to see more of each other!

#qsmp #qsmp bagi #bagi #qsmp tubbo #tubbo #soulfire is such a found family in the way that does not involve traditional family roles #but tubbo and bagi can be found siblings. as a treat #i think they both need it #i love tubbo finally feeling like he's respected #and i love that after bagi spent so long choosing her brother and he didn't choose her in return #she's found someone who will choose her and embrace her with open arms #maybe she doesn't come first because of course morning crew and sunny come first #but she still clearly means quite a lot to qtubbo #side note but i think bagi would relate a lot to hearing sunny talk about tallulah #from what i understand of bagi and cellbit's relationship i think tallulah's letter would bring up some unfortunate memories #sunny and tallulah aren't literally siblings like cellbit and bagi but the essence of the issue is very similar #actually this might get its own post

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i-wanna-hug · 1 year

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Begin again... Let go...

#fallout new vegas #dead money #fnv dead money #dean domino #vera keyes #fallout #my art #((i loved dean when i first played dm cuz i thought him being a petty bitch for no reason was really funny))#((but hearing that old holotape of him blackmailing vera GRRGKSDJFHLWIU that shit broke my heart so bad))#((thinking about vera always makes my heart explode into a billion pieces she didn't deserve any of this q-q))

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sergle · 6 months

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I really truly, from the bottom of my heart, hate you bitches so much, because on the tiktok of literally COCK AND BALL jokes w brittany broski, there were a few notes/messages like this:

And I KNOW you don't think anyone's going to check. You had someone go into your askbox and say "hiii brittany broski is shitty about palestine she's really ignorant :/" and you went oh omg I didn't know!! thanks for telling me! So I checked! This is in reference to her talking in her podcast, because people were asking why she hadn't done any big press statements about Palestine, you didn't retweet this or that, you must not care, don't you care, what's your stance, etc etc please say more OKAY COOL. So what's going on there? What did Brittany say on her podcast? Is she a Bad Person? Can I have some transcript, please? ____ "Hey guys, before we get into this week's episode, I want to talk to you about the ongoing and prolonged suffering and loss of life in Gaza, in Israel, and the oppression of Palestinian people widespread. I don't ever want it to be a question that I would ever not be against the oppression of any group of people, that I would ever stand on the side of the oppressor." "There was a lot of fear of misusing my platform." ... "I will admit that I was nervous to talk about it, because I don't want to say the wrong thing. And this is too fucking serious of an issue to misspeak, or to spread misinformation, or to speak over or for someone." ... "So I want to take a moment on my biggest platform- which is this podcast, to say that I stand with the people of Palestine, I stand for the liberation of Palestinian people." ... "Every day, to log on to social media, and be just inundated with graphic, unimaginable violence, and loss, and grief, it's just--There are no words." ... "And I feel helpless. That's part of it too, when you feel helpless, the last thing you want to do is talk to people about it-- but visibility is a resource in and of itself. And I can offer that." ... "The outpouring of rage and passion online, and anger at what's happening, I would argue needs to be dedicated and focused on our elected officials. We live in a democracy- albeit an inherently flawed one- we live in a democracy where we have elected officials who were elected and put in power to represent us, and if we feel misrepresented, if we feel underrepresented in foreign affairs? These officials have public phone numbers and emails. There are scripts available online to express your disdain and your rage, and unfortunately that's one of the only ways we'll see actionable change." "If you expected more from me, it's a terrible feeling- but I don't want to center myself, this needs to be all eyes on Palestine right now, where the real activism is happening. I would encourage you to follow journalists that are on the ground, people who are in Gaza, we need to be listening to them. I would also hope that we're at a point in this conversation where I can express my desire to stand in solidarity with the people of Palestine and that NOT meaning or suggesting or condoning anti-Semitism of any kind. There's a rise of anti-Semitism and islamophobia in the United States and it's just-- it's disgusting, and it's scary, so I want that to be said too. I just wanted to share that I am experiencing part of this collective sense of helplessness and hopelessness-- but it DOESN'T HAVE to be hopeless. I'm going to include a phone number in the description of this episode where, if you don't know the name of your senators or your Congressman, it's never too late to learn, and you can reach out to them." _______ Hm. What a bitch!! Yeah, just so ignorant and uncaring. Obviously she's not keeping up with anything. Should've retweeted more shit ig!

#sergle.txt #I will turn off reblogs on this so fucking fast I swear to god. I have a gun. I needed to complain about this #up in my notes and my asks bc you already didn't like somebody and you believe what ppl say on anon indiscriminately.#so what I'm hearing is she didn't talk about it enough / didn't put out statements soon enough. I see.#basically a criminal offense. she should get the electric chair ig #god I mean. if my thing was comedy and I had a big audience I don't think I'd know how/when/if to do basically a #Press Conference on Literal Genocide or if I should not make it about me and my thoughts? but do shit in the small ways I can #what do you even say... I think what she said here makes sense. but maybe I'm not reading it with enough bad faith #like oh my god. OH MY GOD #so no I'm not gonna delete the clips I posted what. the fuck are we talking about #''she was frustrated on ig stories that ppl were messaging her to put out a statement'' yeah... yeah. frustration. in response to so much #bad faith directed at you. hundreds of thousands of people all saying shit At You like it all rests on you #and being told to say these words so if you say them they will be empty. myeah what a bitch basically #I personally would not experience a human emotion in response to this.

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staliaqueen · 17 days

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Mal's Avatar: The Last Airbender rewatch: The beach 3.05

#atlarewatch #avatar the last airbender #atla #azula #princess azula #zuko #prince zuko #mai #ty lee #gifs #avatarthelastairbenderedit #atlaedit #azulaedit #useramys12 #tusersimone #userthing #smallscreensource #will not hear anything about 'ursa wasn't a bad mom to azula she just didn't enable her' cause that's not fucking true #i'm not saying ursa should've let azula get away with the bad stuff she did or that her intentions weren't good (which we literally have no #way of knowing ursa is barely a character) but if your child EVER feels like this you have FAILED as a parent sorry not sorry #she said out loud when she clearly knew azula could hear 'what is wrong with that child' DUDE WHAT IS WRONG WITH *YOU*???????#you gotta balance out reprimand with actual affection otherwise the child will not take in the message you're trying to teach them they'll #just think you hate them #AND SHE DID THAT RIGHT WITH ZUKO WHEN HE IMITATED AZULA AND THREW BREAD AT THE TURTLEDUCKS! she scolded him then showed him affection after #on another note!#i think the pause azula takes after saying she doesn't care is super interesting! cause it's VERY similar to the 1x20 zuko moment i #giffed when he's talking about how ozai favoured azula!!! i might make a separate parallel gifset just for that #GOD these siblings make me insane

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agentark · 5 months

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in the span of maybe an hour, clara oswald goes from, "I already know - don't say it." to, "people like you and me should say things to each other" and I'll never get over it

she literally gets pulled out of time the moment before her death and learns he's been clawing his way back to her for 4.5 BILLION years?? Just to save her??? I would also suddenly and urgently have words

#doctor who #clara oswald #12th doctor #twelveclara #you say goodbye to the person who's most important in the whole universe to you #things between you are left unsaid but not unknown #and then just before your heart stops beating - he's there??#but he's frantic and desperate and angry and not entirely himself and when you look in his eyes #you know it's been more than a few minutes for him #but BILLIONS of years???#(Clara's stronger than me I'd pass out or go catatonic from the sheer enormity of that realization)#of course you have to say something in the face of something so terrible and beautiful #and frankly he's too consumed by grief and anger to hear her #but I imagine whatever she said was both a confession and a plea to never do that on her behalf again #dw #i think even at the end clara doesn't quite grasp the sheer depth of his love for her until then #and she never wanted to die - but she didn't want him to do THAT; that level of devotion was unfathomable #god im obsessed with them #when is it my turn

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possamble · 1 month

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What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

#asks #she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too #with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect #and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive #but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards #I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi #you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent #and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too #not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat #but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment #and regrets it deeply #and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear #and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed #I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just #immediately arrives in Melini #and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out #and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille #on account of the crimes and all #marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down #'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you'#'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way'#'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.'#and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood #but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear #and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately #it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking #and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance #marcilleposting #marcille donato #junoposting

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