#but i myself in addition to that find romantic feelings comes after an emotional connection(demiromantic)

[magicaldragons]

'in the name of pain and outrage'

an analysis of the ending

I say this with utmost love, but episode 16 was a shitshow.

i walked into this show accepting it at face value – a show that would take itself lightly, with a compelling subplot marinated in humor, and a dose of sweet romance.

this show tried to include very mature, sobering themes with slapstick humor, which is definitely possible if balanced properly, but i feel this show was not able to achieve this the way do bong soon or others could.

to get some of the discrepancies out of the way:

they never told us that the women's senses were connected, geum joo should not have been able to feel namsoon's thirst – that's something they abruptly added to fuel the tension of the situation.

there is absolutely no reason nam soon would react like that to the drug, when you compare it to how every other user was affected by it.

the strength exerted by gil-joongan did not feel like enough to knock her out like that

and with how easy it would've been to leave the situation, it's very obvious that nam soon taking the drug was an ill-planned way to raise the stakes and increase suspense

the homeless couple truly had nothing of value to add to the show or it's message

none of the show's themes or messages were delivered properly towards the end, and it went against everything it preached.

the immediate tone change after ryu si-o's death did not do any justice to the effort put into his characterization

i do not understand how nam soon became a cop, all technicalities considered

why was she throwing humans out a window from the second floor, even if they're criminals??

they REALLY cheapened the whole marriage conversation by bringing money, property, and heirs into it. that was NOT romantic or wholesome. hee-sik deserves better parents, tf.

side note: i'm pretty disappointed with namsoon's character arc, but lee yoo mi worked within the purview of the script to give us honestly wonderful acting, especially in episode 15.

now, to get into the ending, i'll start with this:

what we got, felt like an empty victory. hollow and out of place.

i've always been an advocate for all parts of a show coming together to create an experience – there's usually no single keystone.

but as soon as si-o died, the rest of the episode felt like a blur, with all loose ends being succinctly wrapped up and prepared for season three. byeon woo seok, and his characterization really carried the show as a unit, and added to its cohesiveness. i did not find myself rooting for geum joo and nam soon's successes afterwards

because they had failed the ONE thing most of us had been hoping for them to do:

to save people who were victims of oppression from those with the power of money, and empower them, including to save si-o from his oppressors, and help him take down pavel.

there is no satisfaction in geum joo doing it by herself, because she has no emotional investment in destroying pavel.

losing hwaja and si-o, watching namsoon & heesik become one dimensional all of a sudden, and seeing tertiary unrelated characters having their loose ends tied, is extremely unsatisfactory – for a show that had an incredible cast and so much potential.

at the same time: i loved the portreyal of gil joongan's mission to help the elderly and her enthusiasm for her future, and the addition of binbin + looking into their past from an additional angle also really elevated the emotional context of si-o's character arc.

i loved each character, truly, and to not see the plot and writers give them the detail and care they deserve, is wholly disappointing.

the show took me on a whole journey, emotionally,,,but to know exactly what would make it better, and be aware of its discrepancies makes me grieve the potential it had to truly leave an impact on its viewers, with a solid takeaway message.

#there are so many thoughts in my head #but it's messy #just like episode 16 #strong girl nam soon #ryu sio #byeon woo seok #gang namsoon #lee yoo mi #kang heesik #ong seongwoo #kdrama

[downtonabbeyrevisited]

Season Two Episode Two

Following a typically chaotic opener, Episode Two of Season Two strikes a far more sombre tone. The arrival of Henry Lang as Robert’s valet brings the first of this episode’s three plot points that address the impact of WW1 on the mental health of its soldiers. There is nothing funny to say about either shell-shock or suicidal ideation both of which are vast, complex issues that, for my money, Downton Abbey isn’t the vehicle explore in (because they require more time and depth than the pace of the plot in Season Two affords) and it certainly isn’t my place to make light of them in this rather irreverent corner of the internet. So I’m going to have a go at treading a fine line here. Forgive me if I stumble. 

Lang is clearly in the grips of something awful and yet in an attempt to avoid the indignity of having maids in the dining room, he is bumped up to footman duty. He struggles throughout, culminating in him depositing his cargo on Edith’s dress. Mrs O’Brein has firmly taken Lang under her wing, recognising that he is struggling and offers him assurance and comfort that she has never gifted to Thomas. 

Across the Village, Lieutenant Edward Courtenay is in the hospital having been blinded by gas. The use of gas (both chlorine and mustard) had a devastating impact on soldiers in WW1 but was also the root of the development of Zyklon B. Frtiz Haber, a German Jewish chemist, enabled chlorine gas to be used a weapon in WW1 and his research was later developed into the Zyklon process which was used by the Nazis to murder millions, including his own family. This is only one of a dizzying number of appalling ironies to be found in the World Wars but as I said last episode, I’m not a military historian so I’m going to leave it there. Edward had plans to return to the country after his graduation from Oxford to pursue the simple life (although one gets the feeling that his idea of the pursuit of a simple life will still be one that is very well upholstered). Thomas has taken it upon himself to read Edward’s letters to him and  together with Sybil is helping him to adjust to living life with a different set of parameters. But growing pressure on the hospital’s limited capacity means that he is to be transferred elsewhere. All three voice their dissent at varying volumes to Major Clarkson who falls back on the very real backlog of wounded men. After Edward has died, Major Clarkson, Isobel and Sybil talk about a renewed need for the Abbey to become a convalescent home, an idea that has been bubbling under the surface for a while now. Meanwhile, Thomas has been left on his own to process both Edward’s death and the implications of witnessing a lack of support given by his own physician to those with depression.  

The usually reliably jovial Mrs Patmore also has a more somber episode with her pursuit for the truth about the death of her nephew Archie. Robert finds that he has been shot for cowardice. Not only does this mean that her family is in mourning but they will now have to navigate the stigma and undue shame that came with having a relative die in this way. So entrenched in British life was the derision levelled at those who were shot for cowardice or desertion that it was only in 2006 that pardons were offered by Britain for 309 of those that were executed by firing squad during WW1. I know I said I’d leave it there with the military history, but that felt like an important bit of context. 

We are now in 1917 and Matthew is still in the same trench that he was in 1916 (a detail I hadn’t actually noticed until I got the screen cap for this) so it looks like his strategy of downing tools mid-fight and continuously popping back to Blighty for important plot developments isn’t really paying dividends. Perhaps the addition of William to the ranks will help him? William certainly seems to think so and if the speed at which he moves through the various stages of his ‘relationship’ with Daisy is any indication of his tactical prowess, the British Front will not only be well within Germany’s borders but will be breathing down Russia’s neck in a fortnight. In any other episode, this would certainly get the award for oddest relationship dynamic but Sir Richard Carlisle exists. 

Sir Richard makes his debut at Downton, having been introduced in name only in the previous episode. He and Mary met at Cliveden which is a regular haunt of mine, giving me hope that one day I too will from a strategic alliance with a newspaper magnate. He may know how to talk his way around a boardroom but he is lacking in the sartorial department. Whilst Sir Richard manages to avoid catching fire in his tweed, Lavinia is not free from the heat as he threatens her with his connection to her uncle. He may not know much about navigating the niceties of Downton, but at least he has cottoned on to the fact that any major disagreement should occur under a specific tree. Whilst Mary’s signature move is weeping into her gloves, Sir Richard’s is grabbing women by the forearm. A female friend of mine told me that one of her favourite things about the pandemic and the compulsion to keep 2m away from anyone (and not just emotionally) is that she has not been ’steered’ by a male hand on her lower back since 2019. It turns out that she can enter and exit rooms just fine on her own and I get the impression that Lavinia could get the gist of Sir Richard’s rage without the vice like grip of a man probably about twice her age. 

Twinned with the ’tree of emotional conflict’, the ‘platform of romantic uncertainty’ provides the backdrop for Sir Richard’s proposal of marriage to Mary which is a declaration that really feels like it should come with a series of well-formatted charts. Mary’s heart, however, is still very much with Cousin Matthew. After being counselled by Carson in a type of conversation I cannot imagine her ever having with her father, she is on the verge of coming clean with Matthew. But in the second round of Lavinia vs. Mary, Lavinia declares that she ‘could not go on living’ without Matthew and Mary winds her neck in. 

Also having a romantic entanglement this episode is Edith. Drake, previously of dropsy fame, has lost his farm hands and Edith turns up to offer her help in a wildly unsuitable trouser and heeled boot combo. But she soon gets down to it by pulling up a tree stump and flirting in a barn whilst a rather lovely border collie looks on (I’m currently trying to talk myself out of getting a border collie and this incident has done nothing to help things). After showing Drake that she can drink from a bottle like literally every single other human on the planet, the two share a kiss and some highly awkward dialogue that only slightly resembles ‘Carry on Downton’. 

Whilst Edith is more than happy to crack on in a barn, Mr Molesley is much more backwards about coming forwards. Apparently having predicted the creation of ‘The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society’, he figures that a book is the perfect kindling for romance when you exist in a glossy depiction of the past. Sadly neither Elizabeth nor her German garden can lure Anna from Bates who is fast shaping up to be schrodinger’s boyfriend. Anna proceeds to make some odd analogy where she compares Mr Bates to her moon-based child, revealing a rather unhealthy amount of codependency in that particular relationship. 

Romantic declaration of the moment 

Again, it feels like anyone but Sybil and Branson should get this but I am an agent of chaos and here we are. Branson defends Sybil’s will to work and has ample opportunity to see her shine in her chosen field. The admission that she will not be returning to her old life is a little chink of light that Branson basks in. 

Expressive eyebrow of the week 

I nominate Carson’s entire face when he realises that he has taken on too much and goes an impressive shade of red. As Carson frets about spoons, sauce, and something I can’t quite fathom, he starts to resemble a man who is re-arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Carson’s battle to get a cork out of a bottle and knocking into chairs is a warm up to his rather dramatic collapse which is accompanied by a pretty disturbing groan. Sybil springs to action and he is soon efficiently ensconced in his own quarters. 

Wait, what? 

“I got a lot done on the train” Clearly Richard was on a train that was unencumbered with the wifi issues that plague the Pendolino.  

“It takes a good deal more than that to shock me.” Mary’s shock-o-meter is a pretty odd instrument. It is unresponsive to corpses of diplomats but goes into absolute meltdown at the notion that she might have to live in a cottage. 

“Let's hope my reputation will survive it.” I’ve not checked (and I categorically never will) but I would put money on the fact that someone has created a rarepair out of this. 

“How can Matthew have chosen that little blonde piece?” Is Lavinia blonde? Women’s hair is not really my forte but I would have thought she was more akin to Tim Minchin than 1998 Justin Timberlake. 

“I believe in this war. I believe in what we are fighting for.” William seems to have a better grip on what all of this is about than I ever did in high school history. The ‘A’ that eluded me is heading his way. 

“I thought he might've died for love of you.” How I love snipey Thomas. It’s good to have him back. To borrow a quote from Bottas (another man who is currently living a life in which his destiny is his own demise) ‘traditions’. 

“Fold it in, don’t slap it” The more season two goes on, the more I think that Moira is just an amalgamation of some choice elements of Julian’s kingdom. 

#downton abbey #Downton #downton rewatch #Downton movie #downton abbey movie #thomas barrow #tom branson #edward courtenay #sybil branson #Mary Crawley #lady mary #Matthew Crawley #lavinia swire #Charles Carson #edith crawley #elsie hughes #Mrs Patmore #daisy mason #william mason #anna bates #john bates

[morievna]

About Ugetsu booklet

Hello,

I am alive~~ I am sorry that i haven’t been writing lately T_T I was feeling a bit down recently and it was hard for me to motivate myself to do it. But I am better now, so I here I am ^^

So I wanted to write about Ugetsu extra booklet, because I loved it very much. It was almost everything I hoped it to be. I really appreciate that Kizu Natsuki dedicated it to him and it really feels like was done thoughtfully with care for his development. Even if there is not much words, it is very apparent that Ugetsu is undergoing change and how whats happened in original story contributed to it.

(Here are links [raw] [trans] in the case you didn’t read it before, I will use my scans though)

To put my feeling shortly:

Obviously i would like it to be longer and get more time for character development and some background informations like how Ugetsu ended up in New York. But well, still what we got was really great – i liked how Gusari showed us a bit of Ugetsu’s new everyday life and how she woven symbolism into it.

Honestly I thought that Ugetsu will be in London since Akihiko’s dad is there. I mean it would be cool if these two will meet at some point since both of them had chosen music over loved ones. But New York is good choice too. In New York you can be new man~

What I liked about this booklet so much is that its main theme was transformation – but at the same time that it is not the final step, but rather somewhere in the middle. Which is understandable – trying to change yourself to your better version is not something simple and taking baby steps is okay. After all breakup with Akihiko changed everything for Ugetsu, so rebuilding his life is not something done easily.

Also it is reinforced by symbolism – butterfly obviously stands for transformation, but here it was referenced pupa state and not again final stadium. Besides, I liked that teapot on the first page – I wrote about over year ago meta about Ugetsu mugs broken mugs and kintsugi – which in short symbolize transformation too – and kintsugi is used primarily in tea ceremonies. It is nice how all is linked together.

In lots of stories character development starts with journey and leaving home – to point out leaving behind the comfort zone and trying to find own way to be yourself. Usually it is by figuring out middle way between two opposites  - which in this case are music and everyday stuff + personal life.

Before that booklet we only have seen Ugetsu mostly in his basement, which showed his isolation from rest of the world. It was described as cocoon where he and Akihiko were feeling safe when things were good between them, but later it was more coded like mental headspace where you feel trapped and with no hope (sunlight). So I am happy he is no longer here too^^

What’s more there was so much mess in basement after Akihiko has left, which indicated that Ugetsu doesn’t care and didn’t bother cleaning  since he was always focused on music only and felt no need to take care of that. Now this apartment is much better state, which shows that he had to change that attitude and that he doesn’t rely on anyone on this anymore. Though it is a bit funny that there is even one whole page dedicated to him just doing laundry xD

Similar case is with socializing – even though he is complaining, for him replying to text so fast is rather big step xD

But even so there is still air of loneliness around him.

Empty chairs is rather common symbol for solitude. We also don’t see Ugetsu face as he is looking outside. After all feeling trapped it is not something reserved for basement and still he is very isolated from rest of world and texting is his only way for communication with others as we see. Besides, furniture is still minimalist and lifeless as it was in basement – that’s why I think it is temporary place and not true home for Ugetsu. Like I mentioned earlier it is not a final, just a step in right direction.

Another thing that caught my attention was that briefly we see almost all other characters and how there are shown different ways of love though them:

friendship/platonic – Uenoyama and Hiiragi

romantic – Haruki and Akihiko

familial – Mafuyu and his mother (Kedama counts too as he is gift from her)

It is all what Ugetsu is currently missing.

We also know very little about his parents – it seems that they provide him money to live in comfort but there is not much else. Even in his short flashback as kid he is not really his “grandpa” but some random old man. It is also important that his parents have jobs so far removed from music – politic and diplomacy. It is just speculation here but I wont be surprised that they weren’t happy with choice but accepted it because he is genius at that. Or they are just busy and tried compensate it with sending money. But still main takeaway is that they are not present in his life.

Although we got bonding between Mafuyu and Ugetsu imo it is closer to beginning of friendship than proper one. In addition, the fact that Ugetsu lives now far away from everything he know – it still gives that air of isolation even though is no longer in basement.

After all– all these kind of love were granted to him from Akihiko, so no wonder there is so much hole after breakup – he just lost so much in that moment, and music is something that not always can compensate for that.

Honestly i hoped for some Akigetsu crumbs like some flashback or showing that they are somehow still connected to each other in soulmates way or that they keep in touch in some indirect way. And... i got everything which surprised me^^’

Okay, so let’s dig into it

matching symbolism – Aki with dragonfly (self realization and change) and now Ugetsu with butterfly(transformation). It is so cool I love things like that^^

piercing – it is quite peculiar how first we got dialogue about missing Akihiko’s piercing and later we got Ugetsu with new one. Ofc it is not like I am saying that is the same one, but still that choice is imo to show connection between them

Choice of flashback is interesting too  - after all, one scene when they had heart to heart scene without words and another is horny one xD  again it is different sides of love –  in this case physical and emotional feelings  as these were equally important in their relationship.

also it seems that both of them are keeping check on each other? It looks like Ugetsu knows that Aki returned to playing violin seriously. And that Aki sends him congratulation message –   imo it shows that there is no longer bad feelings and regret between them, but maybe start for something new.

I really like his expression as he read Aki’s text - a mix of wistful and melancholic, but still he started smiling a bit later.

So what comes next?

Like I mentioned it looks like middle step in his character development - even his monologue at the end stated that we have to wait to see ^^ Imo that after Hiiragi arc will ended, we will see him again in main storyline – but judging of pacing it rather will be in second half of 2021 or 2022 *sigh*

I mean – it is just my hunch but imo Ugetsu alongside with Mafuyu and Hiiragi seem to be Gusari’s favorite characters, so I don’t think she will abandon him like that^^ No to mention that he is in character list for volume 6 – when you know  - he wasn’t present at all or even mentioned once in the story xD

As for exactly his story will goo – it is kinda hard to tell now – I think that for sure his relationship with Aki will be rebuild in one way or another and we will get more interaction between Ugetsu and Mafuyu. It would be cool if he also get to know rest of teenagers – imo there would be a lot of banter xD

Anyway, I think Ugetsu will get everything he is missing now – all different kind of relationship with others - maybe in a bit of “found family” sort of way. Though chasing the music the most is what he wants, but still he needs other people in his life as he always looks so lonely. And ultimately imo meeting and connecting to others is something that actually helps to be better person. So still I hope we will get next part of his development and then happy ending. Like I mentioned in some of my previous essays – imo Gusari loves happy endings and despite all the angst we will get one for all characters one day.

As always thanks for reading <3

#murata ugetsu #ugetsu murata #kizu natsuki #given #given manga #given meta

[whippedkoalas]

Top 5 favorite scenes of skamfr s8!

Omg anon there are exactly 96 clips (@littleweirdoss is counting) how can I choose FIVE????

But here we go

5. The last clip

it is a colorful masterpiece that brought Bilal and Jo back together. Bilal goes through a lot of emotions that night and is still hopeful that Jo will show up. He's seeing her when she's not there yet - just like he did at the pub - and it's when he's letting himself participate with his friends to that duo thing that Jo appears, just like he hallucinated her a few weeks before. Jo went to the party only to see him; she only has eyes for him. Her presence speaks for itself and Bilal knows that. They forget about the world around them (the party, their friends, the whole school, Louise, the serophobic comments) and just enjoy finally being where they should be, in each other's arms. That is the first clip in a long ass time that we see Jo being joyful and genuinely happy and you can see how relieved she feels. Her life might be more complicated now but she has Bilal by her side. Then you see all the members of lamif being carefree and happy and it's the best feeling in the world. I love them

4.

The restaurant clip.

I had to choose a family clip and they all are unique in their own ways, but the one that brought me tears was the 'surprise' clip, where you can guess how depression affected the three of them.

Bilal has been the one holding the family together for years now. In this clip, you learn that Adila couldn't face the hard truth of her husband death and choose to live as if he was still by her side, however Bilal had to face that hard truth : his father died and the world he raised Bilal in, with his values and worldviews does not exist anymore. And he's still, like his mom, holding his dad's memories tight, but Bilal also realizes that with his death, all his dad's dreams and expectations vanished. Living with his ghost lead the whole family to a terrible situation and it all comes crashing down now: either the mom wakes up or they're going to be take from her by the social services. Bilal has to be the one who tells his mom the hard truth of their situation and how bad it got because he is emotionally and mentally exhausted and he's only 17 and can't act like an adult for much longer.

3. The kiss.

All the clips of episode 6 are unique in their own ways but this one sums everything up : the connection between Jo and Bilal, the feelings they developed for each other, Drunk Jo making a move after Bilal told her he wanted to be there for her, the acknowledgement of the emotional support they give each other, the physical and romantic attraction and the chaos of first love. As a bonus, you also get Bilal's heartbeat racing when Jo kisses him.

2. Viviane

The lamif clip that I liked the most because they're showing Bilal - one of the newest addition to the group - what it's like to be loved and supported, to have friends that have your back always and will go to war with you and team up to find the best solution for you. Thanks to them, he's able to breathe a little bit, to allow himself to be helped and to count on people he cares about.

1.

Donuts

I can't really tell you why it's my favorite clip ever, because I don't even know myself exactly why it is making me feel the way it does. But with this clip I knew I would be falling in love with Bilal, with Jo and with their love and there wouldn't be any escape. Seeing them opening up a little bit, Jo seeing right through him and telling him, that was all it took for me to get 100% hooked.

The exact moment I knew that I was screwed :

Honorable mention to my favorite jolal clip :

Consent is 🔥

#skamfr #i love them #skam france #my loves

[scenics]

what's your favorite thing about wong kar wai's movies? why do you like his movies so much?

wrote this in the notes app at 3am. this got very long. wkw’s one of my fave directors of all time

first of all, i did not like wong kar wai’s movies growing up. my first introduction to wong kar wai was with in the mood for love, and i always hated how slow the movie was—i could not understand the value of two middle aged people walking circles around each other on when i was eight years old. my mother was particularly fascinated with the movie and every few years or so she’d borrow it from the local library just to rewatch it by herself, or with me as an unwilling audience. maybe she just really liked tony leung like everyone else did, or i didn’t understand what she was going through back then. now, she watches it a lot less, but ironically i’m the one who watches it on a regular basis. when i look back, i realize my hatred of in the mood for love stemmed from my rejection of my mother when i was younger, along with anything related to my culture/heritage. it was my way of reconciling the isolation i felt in my new home at a young age—i thought that rejecting any part of my past would allow me to assimilate better (and for the most part it worked until senior year of high school give or take). i can say now that my former hatred/rejection of wong kar wai’s greatest work—his magnum opus—makes me appreciate him a lot more. like my mother taught me, it is best not to hate if you can love one day.

my real love and fascination for wong kar wai started when i was 18. the week after my first week of college finals, i watched his entire filmography (excluding anything post 2046) in one long sitting. i was exhausted from an accumulation of things: college did not go the way i expected and i hated science with a passionate sincerity by the end of the year. that year, i had also not chosen to go home.  regretted not just going back to vietnam a lot and i spent the entire first year of college just missing it. i was mentally emotionally exhausted and homesick so i found immediate comfort and familiarity in wong kar wai’s films. all of wong kar wai’s films are based around the simple theme of connection, each character desires connection with another —whether through strangers like in chungking express or estranged lovers in a foreign city like in happy together. every character is lost in their own world of loneliness, but they’re not consumed by it as they constantly venture out to find a cure for their loneliness. there’s a sort of warm tenderness to their eternal loneliness. wong kar wai’s characters are all very simple, but that just makes them the more normal. he adds an amusing, yet charming aspect to a lot of his characters, which makes them all the more real. at the end of the day, they’re the most ordinary of people, but framed in wong kar wai’s romantic vision of the world. for me, i can see myself in a lot of his characters, especially as i’ve now settled myself into my twenties.

most of all, wong kar wai’s movies remind me of home a lot. more than anything. vietnamese cinema barely exists, and his films of hong kong are one of the only threads of my childhood memories captured in film. in his films, his characters loneliness stems from an urban isolation and a desire to find home. how can one constantly be surrounded by people, yet feel so lonely?  90s hong kong reminds me a lot of early 2000s saigon, right before true modern urbanization began to take foot. the saigon i return to now is not the place i grew up in, everything i once knew with familiarity has become foreign (you could argue the same for hong kong too). like both the main characters in happy together, i’m very much far away from home now, but what makes it worse is i don’t have a home to return to anymore despite it still being there. the isolation i feel here is much less comforting than the familiar isolation of asia, it’s an entirely distinct feeling i’ve come to differentiate. the night version of hong kong in fallen angels reminds me very much of saigon at night when i was little—when i would cling to my aunts back on the motorcycle. even more, hong kong at night is an unmistakable feeling—a true moment of limbo that you can experience nowhere else as the city seems to slow to a stop before starting up again (the dim sum scene in fallen angels reminds me of my uncle taking me with him to smalls shops buried deep in hong kong’s markets. in my opinion, the most crowded, dirty, loud places have the best food).

one of the things i also love the most about wong kar wais films are they are essentially “of an era.” context heavily influences his films, and watchers should understand that his best films are primarily made in the decade of hong kong’s handover from the uk to china.  looking back now, his films are representative of the end of hong kong pop culture culture. they’re the last threads of a former culture powerhouse in asia—hk cantopop, film, and tv throughout the late 70s to 90s had an immense influence on asian pop culture today. everybody knew and loved hong kong, because it was the only true source of quality pop culture in an age of barely any in asia. hong kong was the beginning of everything essentially. kpop even, i would argue, would not be what it is today without cantopop—many idols are modeled after the cantopop idols of the 80s along with western influence. it’s sad to see that hong kong’s impact has been increasingly erased over the past 20 or so years—hong kong is now a shell of it’s former self as it can never return to its former glory. wong kar wai’s greatest films are chungking express, fallen angels, happy together, and in the mood for love. they’re all made in the years predating or after the handover, and you can see the differences in feeling of each film as it nears 1997. happy together, aside from being a somewhat tragic love story, is also the tragedy of hong kong. the handover of 1997 seems to haunt that film as the characters are also far way from hong kong; they’re on the other side of the world. there’s a sense of fear and desperation that runs parallel to the main love story and i feel like people don’t see that the first time without an understanding of historical context. chungking express and fallen angels are two sides of hong kong—hong kong by day and by night—they’re wong kar wai’s love letter to hong kong itself before it disappears in the subsequent years (which it has sadly). both of those movies are time capsules of an era, they capture an atmosphere that is now gone in hong kong. 2046 is an extension of those four movies above—an imagining of how hong kong would be be 99 years after the “end” of hong kong as it is in 1997. and finally, wong kar wai’s greatest work is in the mood for love. it’s his magnum opus, and the true end of an era: for wong kar wai’s creative capacity, for hong kong pop culture, for the actors themselves. wong kar wai has been unable to follow in the mood for love successfully with other directorial features, it’s a masterpiece in itself in its inability for recreation. the movie speaks for itself, even maggie subsequently quit acting shortly afterwards because she felt she could never top that role—it was the end of her acting career in terms of era. everything that wong kar wai put out in the 90s is of an era, it cannot and never be repeated or recreated just as the old hong kong is gone (which is why his attempt to make sequels for those movies with blossoms and the chungking express sequel will be futile. wong kar wai does not realize that that era has indeed passed (and his his break up with christopher doyle has proved to be fatal for both of them).

finally, a small addition about wong kar wai as a director himself. he’s a cancer, very true to his nature, which explains how he can so fluidly translate and portray emotion in his films. they’re almost overflowing with tender emotion, but very much so in an implicit manner. i could never do that in anything i create, it’d end up being very much lynchian in manner, which makes me appreciate his films a lot more. moreover, wong kar wai has a certain way, an intimacy with all his actors. he brings out the best in them for only his movies, and that’s what makes him so special. also, i relate a lot to wong kar wai’s method of working ..the man is one of the worst procrastinators he’s worse than me. he almost never plans or writes scripts for his movies. most of his films especially in the 90s are very much “go with the flow” improvisation (u can see that the characters are very much the actors even it’s hard to distinguish). he was editing in the mood for love up to the last minute before final submission for cannes, that’s just how much of a procrastinator he was and why it’ll take him a million years to release the chungking express sequel. it’s amazing to think how all of these great movies from wong kar wai are technically equivalent to 2000 word essays submitted a minute past the deadline. what i imagine is how different would his work be if he’d planned ahead (how much better would my essays be if i didn’t write them at 3am?). but i guess we can all see how much he’s changed in the release of his criterion collection—-he’s not the person he once was and he can’t recreate the past.

if u read this far i love you thank u for reading my inarticulate nonsense thoughts. i hope u like wong kar wai a lot more than before

#asks #very inarticulate but articulate im sorry this took so long

[oneboxofmatches]

Hi!!! May I request a HP romantic and friendship matchup on both eras? (Preferably male), thanks in advance! 💞

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, Ravenclaw, and my patronus spirit is swan. Bi Pan Genderfluid girl using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. A friend of mine told me that I (kinda) look like Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 (a Netflix animated series), but the exception is I'm short (5'1.2") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has messy/wavy brunette medium hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin and a small beauty mark on the forehead. My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant and shy at first cause' I dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis, talkative, awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY clumsy, secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over any wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, sarcastic person with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no. 1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), and will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

People thought I'm a demure self-effacing woman that looks "idealistic" or "one of a kind," (due to my protective parents, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, I'm eloquent, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic crybaby filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone, yet I still managed to be stronger than ever, even it's a slow burn process. I can be intimidating, sassy, and a douchebag if I receive ends. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, very indecisive, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive or I might break a belonging due to my carelessness). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic person, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams) 𝖺𝗇𝖽 what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Blunt but the loudest idiotic feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will act like a silent backstabber on people that we loathe, will crack up over your stupid antics before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic who tends to banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment (but gets grumpy if I received sappy or offensive one), still generous and concerned in a subtle way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 making corniest jokes/puns, 𝗌𝗅𝖾𝖾𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD).

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, eating a lot, cartoons, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and writings, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity and worse scenarios in real life, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some are too hypocritical.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, and oratorical skills...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader). Currently an incoming college freshman, learning how to cook and have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

Thank you so, so much for requesting! I had a lot of fun with this one (as you can tell by some of the really long answers lol) and I hope you enjoy!!

In the Golden Trio era, I romantically pair you with…

CEDRIC DIGGORY

One of the most beautiful things about Cedric is that although he may show some introverted tendencies, he still manages to have a natural gift for connecting to others and allowing them to feel comfortable enough to open up. Really, your initial distance and shyness don't last nearly as long towards Cedric as they would with most other people.

Hearing your laughter brings the widest, cheesiest grin to Cedric’s face. Not only does he adore seeing you happy, but he also recognizes that your anxiety, insecurities, and strong emotions can sometimes cloud up your demeanor. Therefore, it brings him comfort knowing that (for the moment) you’re finding joy. He thrives when you thrive!

However, as much as he loves seeing your more energetic and happier self, it goes without saying that he’s the best comfort for when you’re not having the best day.

Cedric is an excellent listener, so he’ll most likely let you talk without interruption for as long as you need before even saying a word. He wants to make sure he truly understands your current state before acting. He may take a few seconds to process everything after you finish speaking, but then he’ll help you tackle whatever problems you’re facing. He’s especially talented at giving words of affirmation.

Cedric’s listening also comes in handy whenever you talk about your interests! He genuinely loves hearing about the things you’re interested in solely for the fact that you’re interested in them. Side note: you can count on him to be at any music performances, pageants, etc. you may have -- this guy is truly your #1 supporter.

Cedric’s a very good student (though I suspect he’s somewhat of a procrastinator himself), so I can also see you two supporting each other through schoolwork and celebrating each other’s successes.

Like you, Cedric has a strong urge to do the right thing. Talking to him about social issues stirs up a need to help, and I could see you two doing volunteer work together in your spare time.

I like to believe one of Cedric’s biggest love languages is quality time. Don’t get me wrong, this guy loves staying involved and busy. But taking a couple hours to be with you in small ways (even if that means just being in the same room while you scroll through social media) gives him a nice balance.

Overall, this kind boy will be there unwaveringly through the bad times and will laugh just as loud as you through the good!

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LUNA LOVEGOOD

You wanna talk about the best conversations, relentless support, and overall the most wholesome friendship you could ask for? Luna’s your girl.

Being unashamed to be true to yourself is one of the biggest reasons why Luna is so drawn to you. While she’s very friendly and insightful towards everyone she meets, it can get a bit repetitive for her to constantly interact with people who try to shelter their unique characteristics from the world. In her mind, these unique characteristics are what make people so fascinating! Why should anyone hide who they are?

Luna’s creativity is endless, and I can see it blending well with yours. Collaborating on a personal project outside of school (ex: novel, blog, etc.) together is definitely something I could see you two doing.

Speaking of creativity, finding creative solutions to everyday problems (both in school and in life) is your specialty as friends.

Admittedly, Luna isn’t usually drawn to louder individuals. However, the complexity behind your personality makes it easier for her to know you are much more than what meets the eye.

Speaking of, Luna has a difficult time standing up for herself -- whether it’s because she doesn’t feel a need to or she just doesn’t recognize the meaning behind certain phrases. She NEEDS a friend like you to stand up for her sometimes, and I know you wouldn’t hesitate!

Ranting to Luna is therapeutic to say the least. While her aloofness at times may make it seem as if she isn’t fully paying attention, that couldn’t be further from the truth. She’s actually catching every word, and once you’re done she’ll leave you with a philosophical solution that may seem borderline insane/irrelevant when you first hear it, but it strangely makes sense.

Overall, the lack of judgment from either of you is what draws you together. As a result, you build a unique bond that couldn’t be broken even if either of you wanted it to.

In the Marauders era, I romantically pair you with…

REMUS LUPIN

Let’s be honest, it would take you two so long to ask each other out. You were probably already really close friends, but the insecurities and “what if?” questions from both of you delayed an actual relationship.

When you finally started dating, you were both so relieved. You still share a laugh at how almost nothing changed in the way you interacted with each other.

While with mutual friends, Remus sometimes likes to sit back and just watch you, especially when you get really talkative because this is when you become the most expressive. He has the softest smile when you’re actively cracking jokes, discussing something you’re passionate about, or even calling someone out. Sometimes you may be too distracted to notice, but other times you’ll catch him.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.” (While that same soft smile never leaves his face.)

You both hold really high standards for yourself in terms of school, so expect late-night study/work sessions to be your best bet for quality time.

Though the occasional instance of walking through/lying on the grounds becomes a favorite for both of you.

Remus listens when you’re particularly struggling through anxiety or strong emotions, but he has to consciously stop himself from interrupting because he can’t stand how he feels knowing you’re going through a tough time.

All he wants to do is soothe you during these moments. If you’re comfortable, he’ll hold you while speaking to you in a soft voice. Remus, the intellectual that he is, is also your best chance at finding a reasonable solution. So if you're not in the mood for calming words, he's also a great person to turn to for answers.

As for your ambitions, no matter what you choose to pursue, you already know Remus is going to be your biggest source of support every step of the way. He’s more than happy to help in any way he can!

Overall, Remus appreciates you, and he’s always going to make sure you know it.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LILY EVANS

Lily especially connects to you because you manage to be determined, competitive, and intelligent without sacrificing your kindness, which is something she can relate to.

You and Lily are the C.E.O.s of doing the right thing. Neither of you hesitates to back the other up when it comes to confronting someone because you know it’s justified.

As perceptive as Lily is, you never need to tell her when something is bothering you. All it takes is a quick glance before she puts whatever she’s doing on hold to check in with you.

The reverse works as well. Typically, Lily really doesn’t internally struggle too much, and when she does she tries to hide it. You’re one of the only people who can see right through whatever she tries to pull.

The constant banter between you two is unmatched, but you both know it's because you really care about each other.

Overall, you and Lily have each other’s backs through anything, even when the other isn’t actively asking for help.

#matchups #fandom matchups #harry potter matchup #harry potter #cedric diggory #luna lovegood #remus lupin #lily evans #lily potter

[maxbegone]

AND WE ARE BACK! 

Part two of the Schitt’s Creek Community Fic Rec is here! This time, we focused on celebrating our favorite AU’s! Once again, this is dedicated with love to the the authors of this community! Every participant chose one AU (which was a little hard to do for some) to share and why they enjoyed it.

Thank you to everyone who submitted!

@bestwisheswarmestregards​ // @brighter-than-sunshine​ // @danieljradcliffe​ // @devilstelephone​ // @fishyspots​ // @imargaery​ // @justwaiting23​ // @patrickbrewsky​ // @rockinhamburger​ // @roguebabyinyourstore​ // @rosebuddsmotel​ // @stuck-on-your-heart​ // @the-13th-wheel​ // @thedidipickles​ // @thisbuildinghasfeelings​ // @yourbuttervoicedbeau​

And a very special thank you to anyone who has ever written anything in this community! 

Everything is posted below the cut, and you can check out part one here! 

**As always, if I missed an author’s tumblr handle, please let me know! 

@bestwisheswarmestregards​

Odd Man Rush by @samwhambam​

It’s David and Patrick and Hockey! Three of my favorite things! Also the ending is one of my favorite endings. It’s so sweet! It’s part of the series score and all of the stories are so cute but this one is my favorite!

@brighter-than-sunshine​

Thanks For Choosing Bagged! by dinnfameron

I love this one because the dialogue is so adorable, and true to David and Patrick! I can totally see the characters getting involved in something like this, like a different version of a rom-com.

@danieljradcliffe​

Going Down by concannonfodder

This is one of the best stories of NYC!David and recently out Patrick while they're both trying to find themselves. It's beautifully written and my favourite part is that each chapter switches between David and Patrick's POV. It does a great job of highlighting the aspects of their personalities that we know and love but shows them to us in a new light.

@devilstelephone​

sustineo by @rockinhamburger​

The contemporary art discussions between Patrick and David are interesting and important to the story. Patrick still cares for and emotionally connects with David In a world that is so different than Schitt’s Creek. I liked that Sebastian Raine was the evil force without being included as a character.

@fishyspots​

Welcome to Cabaret by @vivianblakesunrisebay​

It's lovely from start to finish! In this 'verse, Christmas World didn't pull out, so David didn't get the lease for the general store. Instead, he gets roped into helping Moira with Cabaret, and meets Patrick (kind of) through that. I love the way this author writes. The dialogue is in-character, and the plot is wonderful and pulls out moments from canon and reimagines them in some truly inspired ways. I'm such a fan of all of this author's works; this was the first one I read, and it remains my favorite.

@imargaery​

David.; or, a Tale of Misapplied Sense by Siria

A Jane Austen D&P AU and it is BRILLIANT. If you're an Austen fan, you will be able to immediately pick up on how well this author adapted Austen's style, wit, character descriptions, and ability to whack you over the head with romance when you're not even ready for it yet. Siria is a very experienced fanfic writer, but writes for many fandoms, so I think that's maybe why it doesn't have that many hits? I'm so glad I clicked on it. I want to wrap myself up in this story. I want to make a podfic out of it. I want to put it on a t-shirt and wear it every day. Also, it's in a regency AU where homophobia isn't a thing, so you don't even have to worry about that. I want to tell you more, but that would spoil it. Just read the damn thing and thank me later.

@justwaiting23​

You Were the Ocean, I Was Just a Stone by @al-ex-an-d-er-hamiltons​ 

The image of a curly haired fisherman Patrick is enough but this whole fic is such a sweet concept. Their interactions in this are so reminiscent of the show but also so different because they already know each other vaguely, and I come back to this fic over and over just because it's the perfect mix of angsty miscommunication and fluff.

@maxbegone​

Known and Be Known by ahurston

As someone who tends to lean toward canon/canon-divergent stories, this was a refreshing take on an AU. Beautifully written and wonderfully raw, ahurston conveyed the vulnerabilities between both David and Patrick so wonderfully. “The mortifying ordeal of being known,” personified in fanfiction format. With humor and some wonderfully hot scenes peppered throughout, this fic was just brilliant from start to finish. I love when authors explore Patrick's insecurities and vulnerabilities - they aren't written about as often as David's are. I implore you to read this, if you're able.

@patrickbrewsky​

Bound by Symmetry by barelypink

They say write what you know. I instead read what I know. David is the accidentally fantastic teacher we all wished we'd had in high school, and some of us wish/hope we are or might be one day. This fic is a great exploration of combining everything David knows he is (creative, bright, v.knowledgeable about art) and all the things he thinks he's not (empathetic, a role model, great with kids, selfless, kind, & big hearted) The selling point quote: "And it feels good, David realizes, to have a job that means something, a purpose beyond himself. A place where he feels like he belongs, just like his students." (David Rose proves he is both a good and nice person).

@rockinhamburger​

Blackbird, Fly by distractivate 

This is a post-apocalyptic story about love, connection, and hope, with a central theme of growth from destruction. I could not put this one down; I read it feverishly in one sitting, desperate to soak up every word. I love this fic because it is what I like to think of as an exemplar for transformative works (one of ao3’s top values). I love the way the fic stretches toward the light in the dark. It makes me think: about the quintessential elements of these characters, what remains the same despite changed circumstance, and what inevitably shifts when these characters we know and love are faced with a situation far outside their experience or comfort. This story likely hits differently in 2020, when post-apocalyptic narratives feel much less distant than they might have just a year ago. And yet, all the more reason to read an incredible work about hope and resilience and transformation.

@roguebabyinyourstore​

Fifteen Hundred Miles by MoreHuman

Where do I even begin with this fic? I was at first skeptical about what reason David Rose would have to willingly subject himself to a trek through the wilderness out of his own volition. Well I’m so glad I ignored that admittedly stupid part of me because this is one of the mostly beautifully crafted stories I have ever read. Patrick and David are individually on their own journeys of self-discovery, but the way they help each other find what they sought... It’s breathtaking. Their feelings for each other bloom so organically over their time together that despite the circumstances laid out before them, the miles that they stumble and walk and run bring them miles closer to each other. Closer to the love that they both didn’t know they needed. The characters come alive and are identical to their canon selves. The dialogue and banter are spot on David and Patrick. The writing itself is superb. The tropes are incredible, the pining and *oh no there’s only one tent.* The slow burn is tantalizing but in a way that feels true to a genuine love story. The way the setting somehow breathes in tune with the characters, the way they leave messages behind in the trail register—conveying more than they can utter aloud— and the way their families communicate with them throughout their time on the trail through letters. All of the elements of this story ground it in universal truth, in feelings that are not only relatable, believable but demand to be felt. I can wax poetic until I am blue in the face, but really... Read this story. And then reread it a million times.

@rosebuddsmotel​

I Carry These Heart-Shapes Only to You by @ladyflowdi​ and @ships-to-sail​

There are over 180,000 words in this WWII AU, but not one of those words is wasted. It is gorgeous in its prose, and incredibly romantic without romanticizing the very real pain and tragedies of the era in which it exists. It's not an easy read by any means, but it's the kind of cathartic emotional journey that is more than worth it in the end.

@stuck-on-your-heart​ 

kiss from a rose by mihaly ( @davidroseshusband​ )

What can I say about this very special fic that would do it justice? In this story, Alexis stars in a Bachelorette-style dating show and it’s every bit as brilliant as it sounds. On top of the incredible characterization, there are little surprises at every turn, there’s pining, and of course, there’s love. Secret love, even. This fic is truly addicting – I promise you won’t be able to stop once you start reading, and it will leave you feeling so satisfied (and if you’re like me, a little misty)!!!

@the-13th-wheel​

Hold Me Like You’ll Never Let Me Go by @mooodlighting​

It is a wonderful short AU where Patrick and David where they meet at an airport after they get snowed in. It is cute, there is longing and pining that just make it a wonderful read!

@thedidipickles​

Beneath the Winter Snow by Distractivate

The writing is so utterly gorgeous all the way throughout that I frequently needed to take breaks to breathe. The author *perfectly* builds an Olympic world that I can totally see my favorite characters inhabiting, and the resolution is gorgeous. All of Distractivate's AUs are amazing, but this one still stands out.

@thisbuildinghasfeelings​

How Do We Get Back by @unfolded73​

This one deals with a literal alternate universe, which is the first thing I loved about it because I had never read a fic quite like it before. It's a beautifully written 60,000+ word masterpiece that definitely makes me feel ALL the feelings. In addition, it is absolutely riveting. I could not stop reading until I got to the end.

@yourbuttervoicedbeau​

Make It To Me by figmentof ( @rosesdavid )

Epistolatory fic is SO hard to pull off and the author does such an incredible job with the way the characters shine through even though we only see them interact via text message. This fic is my comfort food and I reread it regularly <3

Anonymous Recs:

Just Breathe by olivebranchesandredwine

I love this one because it's got Patrick as a yoga teacher (hot!) and shows David being proactive about anxiety and it's just such a lovely story.

Shall I Stay? by alladaydream ( @maybewecandreamalittle​​ )

This is so worth the 100k wordcount. 18-year-old David and Patrick sweetly leaning into first love, a lot of angst and pining in the middle that allow them both to heal and grow, and a heartfelt reconciliation. Plus, two bonus cherries on top with artist!David and a beautiful epilogue in which they (spoiler) live happily ever after. The tone and pacing of this fic is so good, and I always go back to it when I want to read something comforting.

Your Heart is Keeping Time with Me by @yourbuttervoicedbeau​

I haven't seen 50 First Dates, but this fic is better than the movie could ever be. The author's writing is so beautiful and her David who has amnesia and her Patrick who wants to help him are just PERFECT. I want more and more and more of this.

Once again, thank you to everyone who participated and thank you to every single person who has written something in this community! It would be wonderful to do a part three, but for now, enjoy some alternate universe fics! 

#schitt's creek #schitts creek #sc community fic rec #sc fic rec #sc fic recs #schitt's creek fic #schitt's creek fics #david rose #patrick brewer #david x patrick #bestwisheswarmestregards #brighter-than-sunshine #danieljradcliffe #fishyspots #devilstelephone #imargaery #justwaiting23 #patrickbrewsky #rockinhamburger #roguebabyinyourstore #rosebuddsmotel #stuck-on-your-heart #the-13th-wheel #thedidipickles #thisbuildinghasfeelings #yourbuttervoicedbeau

[thexfridax]

Translated interview

Adèle Haenel: 'Sex in cinema is usually quite pathetic’

Wenke Husmann, in: Die Zeit, 31st of October 2019

Additions or clarifications for translating purposes are denoted as [T: …]

Our understanding of art? Patriarchal! Eroticism in cinema? Stunted! The actress Adèle Haenel about her new film ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’.

In the film ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’, the young aristocrat Héloïse literally catches fire. Around 1770 she falls in love with a young painter, who is supposed to portray her. The role of the shy former convent student seems unusual for Haenel at first glance, who otherwise plays very assertive female characters: an AIDS activist in ‘120 BPM’, a martial artist in ‘Love at First Fight’, a doctor who solves a murder in ‘The Unknown Girl’. But Haenel also interprets the role of the muse as a very active one. The actress had her breakthrough in 2007 at the age of 18 with ‘Water Lilies’, the debut film by film-maker Céline Sciamma. The two were a couple for years. ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ is their second collaboration, which was awarded the Best Screenplay (for Sciamma) at the Cannes Film Festival.

Haenel speaks German very well. She learned the language almost perfectly for Chris Kraus' feature film ‘The Bloom of Yesterday’. However, whenever she speaks German, she will always be so categorical, Haenel warns, and after a very German expletive slips into the conversation, she switches to French.

ZEIT ONLINE: In ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ you play a restrained woman at first. Your Héloïse is supposed to be portrayed by a painter. She is the more experienced, a self-assured artist you fall in love with. But then you reinterpret the role of the muse.

[T: Short bio of Adèle and description of the film is inserted here, but I didn’t translate these, as y’all know everything already 😏]

Adèle Haenel: It's about equality. I believe that the role of the muse is in fact active - and as important as the official role of the artist.

ZE: What is the active part or equality in the relationship between you being the portrayed and the painter? And what's new about it?

AH: I think in art history, being a muse was the role that women were allowed to play. That's why men said, ‘Oh, it's a passive role, the muses are just in the room, and we're dreaming and fabricating great ideas in our heads.’ It was their way of saying that as men, they are the only ones who create art. That's Scheiße [T: 💩 💩 💩] in my opinion. I’m sorry. Whenever I speak German, I am always a bit more categorical. But that’s the way it is.

(Continues the conversation in French)

I believe, however, that muses have always been active. They were just not presented like that. This also has a lot to do with a certain notion of art. Art is not just an ideal sphere that comes down to earth through an artist who is both absolute and ingenious. Art is created by questioning your own choices over and over again, as well as the reasons that led to them. Thus, there is something sacred and something entirely unholy in art. Questioning postulates, constantly questioning your own work, makes art powerful. And that is much more the result of collaboration than of anything else.

ZE: In this case, collaboration is based on love. Muse and artist are on equal terms. Your connection acts like an engine and unleashes the creativity of the artist. Is that the reason why the first portrait that the painter Marianne made of you as Héloïse is technically good but rather conventional? [T: the interviewer uses ‘not befitting’ here]

AH: It's not even about the progression, where only love makes art better, but it’s actually about the process. That's why you constantly ask yourself questions. Of course, at some point a portrait will come out, but in the film it’s not about whether that’s a good thing or not in the end. The problem of the first ‘failed’ portrait is that it avoids any questions. It does not ask exactly: Who is this person? What attitude did the painter take towards her? Does the model have an essence that we try to capture and bring to the canvas? Or is it just about capturing a specific moment? At this point, the collaboration begins. My character Héloïse begins to question Marianne, the artist, ‘What's that supposed to be?’ And when Marianne answers, ‘That's the way to do it,’ Héloïse retorts, ‘What do you mean, that's the way it is done, how do you find yourself in it, what's your attitude towards it?’ And you cannot just take that stance, you have to feel it.

ZE: Is this relationship comparable to what you have as an actress with the director Céline Sciamma?

[T: The above was taken from a translation on the Teller Report website and revised where necessary, my own translation continues below.]

AH: Yes, absolutely. Our collaboration is based on that idea. There are also parallels in terms of content, because painting in this film also has a lot to do with cinema. As it’s also about sequence, scene and so on. The screenplay was very detailed. Improvisation as a method wasn’t intended. But I had a certain amount of freedom to shape my character. The point wasn’t to do this behind closed doors, but the idea was developed in exchange to centre my character around the gaze and into three phases: At the beginning of my journey, I saw myself more as an object, then there was the phase of questioning, and at the end I’m more of a subject. This means that I used my face like a mask at the beginning of the film, very solemn, almost sacral, with little emotion, reserved. The warmer Marianne’s gaze becomes at Héloïse, the more I change the way I’m acting. I become more active and animated. I gave myself a very clear structure. Céline went with this kind of idea. And then we start to discuss about specific and precise things.

ZE: That seems quite practical and unpretentious.

AH: Oh, I’m a very impatient person and get annoyed very quickly. That’s why I can’t stand some of the questions that I get (mimics a stupid tone): ‘How do you endure just being looked at the whole time?’ I do retort then: ‘Have you even seen the film? It’s about the exchange of gazes!’

ZE: There is a narrative framework in the film, where Marianne remembers this love several years later. It’s about the impact of that encounter. How important is such an echo for the arts?

AH: You could say that every human being contains something like an eternal truth inside of them, but that this cannot manifest in a person in its pure form. The potential is there. So, you can develop, change, grow. It’s almost our responsibility to become a better [T: bigger is stated here] person, who exhausts all possibilities to become what makes us human. A romantic relationship [T: love affair…] also makes us feel the possibility to become someone else, more than what we were before. I’m thinking in particular of Spinoza in this context.

ZE: In short, he talks about the necessity of individuals to evolve so that they become more perfect. [T: ‘Vollkommenheit’ is difficult to translate, but I understand that Spinoza meant that this is the ideal state of being, see: The Ethics, Part 4. Of Human Bondage, Or The Strength Of The Emotions, Preface]. Looking at your career, it seems that you and film-maker Céline Sciamma, who was your partner for a long time, also helped each other very much in that sense to evolve.

AH: Céline and I have an extremely close connection and always had an intense intellectual exchange with each other. And an intense emotional exchange, but of course that changes over time. When it comes to what I said before about the search for and questioning of what’s underneath, and how we make choices in terms of our work, then Céline and I understand each other well. We agree about the questions and how we can communicate about them.

ZE: The film takes place around 1770. Back then, the first female artists’ associations were found such as the school of Adélaïde Labille-Guiard. Marianne also worked in such an art school. It was only a few years that women could work as painters. Before and after, female artists could only do that in a limited capacity. Why was that?

Adélaïde Labille-Guiard, Autoportrait avec deux élèves (1785) © Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

AH: You get the impression that the female gaze is somehow threatening for male colleagues, that’s why they always tried to ban it. And besides, that is still the case.

ZE: How?

AH: Because some kind of natural order is being postulated. We have very much internalised this patriarchal order, in our intimacy, our desires, in everything. Indeed, challenging this perceived natural order is dangerous, because the entire patriarchy virtually depends on this everywhere. The trick to avoid answering questions that women are asking is in pretending that women really don’t have any reason to ask these kind of questions: They are doing well after all. If it wasn’t that pathetic, it would be really funny.

[T: Two of the below bits were extracted (for ease of reading) from @hedawolf​​‘s fantastic gifset on Adèle smashing the patriarchy, please head over and show some love.]

ZE: It seems that many big film festivals are now more open to show films that are about interesting and diverse female characters. Aren’t there more of these stories these days?

AH: Indeed, the problem has now come to the surface of society – two years after the Weinstein affair and #MeToo. You can see the facts. These are hilariously pathetic: 100 per cent of women, who use public transport in Paris, have experienced violence or abuse. 100 per cent! You always hear: ‘No, not all men are like that.’ Yes, of course. But all women have experienced this. And men also feel it. They’ve started to question the structures, in which this was possible, and in which they also lived for a long time. They also question their own behaviour. It’s not about locking up all men in a cage, but that we all evolve. It will make us all freer. But you have to let go of your little privilege of always being in charge. I understand that this is tough. [T: 😏]

ZE: You’ve really shown us one of the most wonderful scenes on this topic in your film, without men.

AH: This scene is sexy, inventive, created in collaboration – we were also quite satisfied with it. That’s why I was so happy at the premiere in Cannes: There are 2,000 people in the audience, who will see something completely different.

#Die Zeit #October 2019 #German interview #NGL this was tough to translate #But would I do it again #YES #Adèle Haenel #was not amused in this interview #about male privilege #and worse #Portrait of a Lady on Fire #Céline x Adèle #for life #Relationship goals #Intellectual and emotional #My translation #long post

[lanonima]

First review of the new year! I also decided that once I hit twenty, I'll start a new graph because this one is getting pretty crowded. There's plenty of open space, but I'm not likely to read stuff in that open space so…

Anyway, my review of Copper Coins:

Romantic - Fucky is not how risque a work is but rather my opinion of the attitude/quality of the main relationship, the way the characters interact with respect to one another. I like a lot of stuff in fiction but if you’re easily made uncomfortable, stay towards the top half.

Easy reading - Plot-heavy is how I personally consider the plot’s intricacy and successful implementation, regardless of the author’s intention.

Copper Coins

Author: Mu Su Li

Quality: 5

Enjoyment: 4

Comments: Oof. I hate, absolutely hate, saying the phrase "show don't tell" about novels because it has to do with screenwriting and doesn't really apply to novels all that much but damn. This book was so surface level. I did not feel a single emotion the entire time. It actually reminded me a little bit of Nan Chan, and retroactively made me like that book better because I would definitely rather reread that than this. Not saying it's a bad book, I'm sure it's fine, and if you liked Nan Chan and want a relationship with a similar dynamic and are less of a bitch than I am, you will probably like this one too. It just doesn't have enough emotional depth to be entertaining to me.

Would I read it again: No, and I won't read anything else by this author either.

The reviews of things I previously read are below the cut.

Mo Dao Zu Shi

Author: MXTX

Quality: 9.5

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I have a huge emotional connection to this novel. There are some weak parts, the tension isn’t quite even, she’s pretty terrible at erotic scenes and not great at fight scenes…but that being said, I love the characters and some of the plot points really ripped my heart out. This is a novel that’s really driven by the characters so if you’re a character-focused person like me, definitely look into it (as if we all don’t already know it lmao). I really, really love this story. Every single adaptation of it has also been great, but the novel is still my favorite. It was my introduction to xianxia novels too, so you can say it changed my life!

Would I read it again: I’ve already read it twice, and consumed every adaptation (sometimes also multiple times)

Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Author: MXTX

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 5

Comments: I’m not much of one for comedy and, as I discovered, not really into system novels either. Clearly weaker than MXTX’s later work, many of the characters are somewhat bland, she hasn’t quite found her groove yet. It’s not my style but the fandom is hilarious and the fans constantly produce content that I actually do find entertaining so overall I still have some fond feelings for this one, even if not for the source material.

Would I read it again: I found a different translation and am willing to try again in the future, I’m also willing to watch the donghua. But I can’t guarantee I’ll like it any more than previously.

Tian Guan Ci Fu

Author: MXTX

Quality: 10

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I love this book…but not as much as I love Mo Dao Zu Shi. I think the plot is somewhat typical, however the characters are great once again (though maybe slightly less deep than MDZS), and her use of thematic repetition and foreshadowing are killer. Actually, I liked this book more the second time around because it just hits differently. Definitely the best of MXTX’s couples, they are so soft and sweet. Very long, but worth it.

Would I read it again: I already have, was personally translating the manhua before I hurt my arms, and am eagerly awaiting the donghua this fall!

The Villain’s White Lotus Halo

Author: A Big Roll of Toilet Paper

Quality: 10

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: Fuck, I love this one so much…..even though it’s also a system novel. But that part is in it so rarely that it reads more like pure fantasy. I love the characters, I love the plot, I love the way the relationship is developing. Oh yeah, the translation isn’t even complete but I already purchased not only the original from JJWXC but also the print edition. I’ve even drawn fanart for it, which is so unlike me. Every time a chapter comes out, I’m ruined for the rest of the day, I can’t think about anything else. Good fight scenes, which is uncommon. My favorite danmei novel so far.

Would I read it again: I fully intend to once the translation is complete, and also plan to read it in Chinese later (I’ve already read certain parts in Chinese hahaha but not the whole thing)

2Ha (Husky and his White Cat Shizun)

Author: Meatbun Doesn’t Eat Meat

Quality: 8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: 2Ha is not for the faint of heart, it’s very horny, and violent, and has a lot of questionable content. However I love it so much. The story and characters are great, Meatbun really has me by the heart. The writing is a little more on the casual side but it hardly matters because the story is so great. Good fight scenes. Chu Wanning is like, the ultimate Me™ character, I hate how much I adore him. If you read this, just go into it knowing that it’s a long emotional journey, the characters are very dynamic and there’s a lot of character development.

Would I read it again: Same as the above, I plan a reread when the translation is done and have read parts in Chinese and might read the whole thing again later. Cautiously eager about the up-coming live action and donghua.

Di Wang Gong Lue

Author: Yu Xiao Lanshan

Quality: 2

Enjoyment: 9

Comments: This is one of the most terribly written things I’ve ever read, but I’m a character girl and the characters and ways they interact fucking kill me. I’m constantly entertained….although I don’t think this is actually supposed to be a comedy. If I were going to treat myself and like, take a bubble bath and read something that made me laugh, this is exactly the sort of trashy romance I would want to read. Technically a political intrigue story but it’s so abrupt and full of holes, are any of us reading it for the actual plot? The donghua is on Youtube, I watched it first and recommend others to do the same. If you can handle that, you can handle the book because it’s exactly the same in quality, just gayer. I do love the main couple a lot, the set-up surrounding the relationship is great, and the side characters are also really fun.

Would I read it again: Probably not, but I’m still having fun with it. I watched the donghua and read a bit of the manhua as well, which has very cute art and is probably my favorite version of the story.

Liu Yao

Author: Priest

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 7.5

Comments: I really struggled getting into this one, it took me about 25 chapters to get invested. Initially I had rated it a 6 in enjoyment but after careful thought, I realized that even though it was so hard for me, it probably is my favorite Priest novel and I really do love the main couple so much. Her side characters also seem to be slightly stronger than usual in this one. Decent plot, not too much or too little. It seems really chill to me, doesn’t provoke much of an emotional reaction but I do think it’s very sweet, which is nice sometimes too.

Would I read it again: No, but I think (?) it’s supposed to get some kind of tv adaptation (drama or donghua, not sure), and if that happens, I’ll watch it.

Didn’t Know the General was Female

Author: Rong Qing

Quality: 4

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: Not the greatest thing I’ve ever read, but cute. It’s short, and a little lesbian fluff is never a bad thing. Writing is a bit weak and the plot is basic, but the characters are enjoyable and I liked it overall.

Would I read it again: No.

Wrong Way to a Demon Sect Leader

Author: Yi Zhi Dayan

Quality: 4

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: Again, not the greatest in writing or plot, it’s a bit shallow. But I found the idea of it to be entertaining, and actually liked it more than I would have assumed. It’s fairly short and cute, like a good summer beach read.

Would I read it again: Probably not, but possibly, if the stars align.

Female General and Eldest Princess

Author: Please Don’t Laugh

Quality: 7

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: A very good first effort, but the writing is a bit weak. It’s slow to start and I don’t think the political plotline is spectacularly strong. Some things were left unexplained, and her sense of battle tactics and fight-writing were very confusing, definitely room for improvement. I don��t think it’s as good as people say, but she writes with the air of someone who will continue to improve. And also, a lesbian author writing lesbian stories so that’s a plus. Overall I enjoyed the experience, this story is definitely worth a read.

Would I read it again: Maybe, but probably not.

Sha Po Lang

Author: Priest

Quality: 7

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: Originally I rated this one higher, but on later thought I realized that I actually enjoyed Liu Yao more. I personally have issues with the way Priest writes, and this book showed a lot of them. Characters were okay, I did like the main couple, but side characters were weak as usual. The plot is pretty good, though not great, and I think some of the pacing is off. Some descriptions were confusing, but that could be a translation issue. Overall, still a pretty good political drama, but I would say that of the three I read, this was the Priest novel with the least impact on me.

Would I read it again: No. But I will watch the live action if it ever gets made.

Guardian

Author: Priest

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 5

Comments: I love Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan, thought the plot was interesting, and there were some enjoyable moments. But it has all the problems I usually have with Priest in addition to some choices that offend me as a queer reader. I spent about 75% of the time reading while pissed off. And actually the fact that it had a happy ending kinda bummed me out because I love a good tragedy. Overall, I can only give it an average score. If you like Priest, you’ll like this one too. I’m not a tv person but I binged the hell out of the live action, I really loved it, so I was sort of disappointed that the source material didn’t seem as strong as I had assumed.

Would I read it again: No, but I will happily watch the live action again some day.

Jing Wei Qing Shang

Author: Please Don’t Laugh

Quality: 9.8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I have to start off by saying: damn girl. The improvement evident in this book is absolutely insane. A few minor issues prevent me from giving it a 10 out of 10 – her transitions are still extremely abrupt, the ending is slightly weak and some plot points remain unresolved, and her use of narrative repetition is too heavy-handed for my taste. Other than that, this book leaves me almost speechless. Very similar to Female General and Eldest Princess, there are many similar themes and events. But while I thought FGEP was fairly cute, I like this one way better. If you like angst, political intrigue, and lesbians, you should definitely read this book. I have no doubt that Please Don’t Laugh will continue to improve in the future, and I really look forward to following her career.

Would I read it again: 100%, I absolutely intend to read this again sometime in the future. It’s very long and very dense but delightful and ultimately worth it.

Fox Demon Cultivation Manual

Author: Feng Ge Qie Xing

Quality: 8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: This was a delightful romp. I had expected it to be somewhat silly and was pleasantly surprised. It was heavy enough to be engaging but light enough to be an easy read, with multiple spots that made me literally laugh out loud which does not happen often. This is apparently just one book in a series of same universe novels, and a lighter-hearted one at that. I would be interested to read the others because I found the world pretty engaging, and I do want to know what became of the other characters. Overall I found it very fun and very cute, I read it in four days so that says something. On the downside, the link for chapter 9 is broken. But skipping a chapter doesn’t seem to have affected the experience of the novel as a whole.

Would I read it again: Yeah I think I would be willing to read this again someday. If it gets adapted I would also consume adaptations, in addition to being interested in the other connected works.

Golden Stage

Author: Cang Wu Bin Bai

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: This one has some Sha Po Lang vibes, but the characters have more depth and chemistry. The word ‘more’ here is extremely relative because it’s still pretty shallow. I honestly liked them both, I liked the relationship and the psuedo-rude way that they flirt entertained me. As for the plot…ehhhh. It tried. There were things that worked, but in general the plot seemed disjointed from the characters and there were a few things that had no business being there and just muddied the waters. It’s not bad necessarily, it’s just not very smooth. There are better political intrigues to read if that’s what you want. But if you just want some sugar-sweet fluff with a backdrop of drama, then this one is perfect. My favorite scene was probably the flashback to the first few times they met, absolutely fantastic.

Would I read it again: Nah.

Nan Chan

Author: Tang Jiuqing

Quality: 8

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: This one is kind of weird because it’s definitely competent, it’s well-written and has a fairly in-depth plot, but I just didn’t really enjoy it all that much? I never got emotionally attached to any of the characters, and I didn’t even really get the relationship buildup. I understand what the author is going for with it of course, but it didn’t necessarily make a lot of sense… Or rather it seems like some bits in the middle were just missing, there’s good buildup in the beginning and in the end but how they got from point A to point B was kind of not explored to my satisfaction. I did really like the flashback to the past, I thought that storyline was all pretty interesting. The big bad was kind of disappointing to me as well though. In general, I think this is a really good book with a lot of skill behind it but it’s just not really my thing.

Would I read it again: No.

#book reviews #Copper Coins #lano reads danmei #lano reads baihe

[k-s-morgan]

I followed you Hannibal metas and resumed once again. I can see that Will's love for Alana waned over time when he found a greater fit and angst with Hannibal. But she wasn't a misdirected target in my opinion, can you tell me why you think it's misdirected ? He genuinely kisses her with passion, confesses to Hannibal about it and till few episodes in season 2, he is all about her until Hannibal takes her away so that the home is broken. Because Hannibal knows what's best for Will.

Hello! And sure)) I don't think there is evidence of Will ever loving Alana. I can see genuine physical attraction, some friendly care, and a crush that's mostly motivated by the fact that Alana is a very acceptable partner - Will craves normality, he wants to be an average family man with a wife and kids as expected by the society. Anything to drown out who he really is.

By the start of S1, he and Alana have never had one-on-one interactions, someone was always in the room with them. Will refers to her pretty impersonally as "Bloom" to Jack in E1. He starts flirting with her when they meet, but he almost never seeks her out first. He remembers about her only when paths actually cross. There are about 2 exceptions, from what I recall.

1) He calls her first in E8, when he's feeling unstable and worried about it, and asks her to come help him find a possibly wounded animal. At the same time, he doesn't see it as romantic. Everything below is from the script, including text in the brackets.  

Alana: You invited me over to help you collect animal parts?

Will: I invited you over on the off chance we find it alive. Hard to wrangle a wounded animal by myself. (then, realizing) Did you think it was a date?

Alana: Honestly, it never crossed my mind.

Will is at first relieved, then almost disappointed.

This is a good demonstration of his feelings. He isn't actually interested in a romantic relationship with her, but he wants to be interested in it.

2) The second time Will seeks her out first is to ask about her safety when Gideon escapes. In the majority of other instances, Alana is the one to come after him.

In E8 again, Alana comes to visit Will at the moment when he's particularly freaked out by his instability. He kisses her with genuine passion - and with desperation, too. That's what he and Hannibal discuss.

In their conversation, Will says he always wanted to kiss Alana because she's "kissable". He doesn't describe her qualities that make him like her, he doesn't say anything about deeper emotions - he merely refers to her in terms of his physical attraction to her. Hannibal rightfully notes:

Hannibal: You waited a long time, which suggests you were kissing her for a reason in addition to wanting to.

Will admits it's true. It's another point proving that his interest is superficial. He never bothered to actually pursue Alana until he got scared because of losing control. They confirm it again in the following lines. Will tells Hannibal how he freaked out because he thought there was an animal in his chimney and adds:

Will: I sleep walk. I get headaches. I’m hearing things. I feel unstable.

Hannibal: That’s why you kissed her. A clutch for balance.

Will nods here. Also, they deleted this bit, but he actually also had to say:

Will: Because I’m losing mine.

So it's a confirmation that Will focused on Alana because he was scared of being even more abnormal than he usually is. He does care about her and he likes her, but their relationship has always been shallow. They don't know each other much. Also, I don't think Will could ever love her for real because of who he is. The thing Will craves most is acceptance and understanding. Alana can't give him that. They have an interesting conversation related to it a bit in E11.

Alana: Would have been fun cozying up with your dogs in front of the space heater.

Will: Don’t need protective custody to cozy up with my dogs. Or me for that matter. Just a little more stability on my part.

So Will acknowledges that for Alana to like him, he has to change. But his instability is largely who he is (not counting encephalitis) - even when he was physically healthy, he was still unstable because of his darkness. That's why Alana didn't feel comfortable staying alone with him until S1. She can't give him unconditional love, and that's what Will needs. Another telling conversation is with Hannibal.

Hannibal: She would feel an obligation to her field of study to observe you. And you would resent her for it.

Will: I know.

It all comes down to them being fundamentally incompatible.

In S2, Will is not profoundly hurt when he realizes Alana has no feelings for him (during the talk with the lawyer she hired), though he’s upset and grim at the realization. He's angry and disgusted upon realizing she's with Hannibal now, but he shows no actual hurt or heartbreak - he's concerned about his relationship with Hannibal already. He shows the same behavior back in S1 - his dreams are filled wth darkness and Hannibal/Wendigo; he shares his most intimate thoughts with Hannibal; he covers up murder for Hannibal and Abigail, while Alana comes to his thoughts only when she's physically there, when he's losing control, or when she's in danger.

So, in my opinion, their bond has always been shallow, and it never went further than superficial friendship and physical attraction.

Also, I disagree that Hannibal takes Alana away - Alana was never Will's. If anything, I'd argue that she felt sorry for Will and confused it with attraction while her genuine interest lay more with Hannibal from the start. She's also the one to initiate their romantic relationship, although he created the right atmosphere for it.

As for the misdirected love interest bit: I think it’s telling that Will decided to try and get a romantic relationship, half-heartedly as it was, only after meeting Hannibal. Before that, he shied away from such connections -  never pursuing Alana despite finding her attractive can be seen as an example of it. Something in meeting Hannibal (and Abigail) triggered Will’s desire to engage in romantic relationship. 

#hannibal #hannigram #alana bloom #will graham

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Furuba S2E10 - Thoughts Post - SPOILERS!

And so, the Beach Arc has come to a close.

I think I'm going to start this off with one problem that I had with the subtitle translations and one bit of the subtitle translations that I was really happy to see differed a bit from the manga (TokyoPop Version).

So, first off, when Yuki is talking to Haru after the whole incident with Akito...the anime subtitles have him say *she* instead of *he.* I just wanted to facepalm right there. Especially because this isn't just a minor translation error like we've seen in the past few episodes where sheep got translated as goat or duck as chicken...this translation error can cause a lot of confusion to anime only fans. Yuki was 100% talking about Kyo in that moment, but now that "she" got used, anime only fans are going to think that he was talking about Tohru there or something, ugh.

This is why I find myself preferring the dub for Furuba again and again. Acting-wise I like both pretty equally, though I do have more of a connection to the English dub cast, but translation-wise...the English dub translations tend to be way more accurate and on-point. They also tend to express the feelings and tones a bit better too and even add extra layers sometimes. Of course, the people working on the dubs are very dedicated (from what I remember from the Funimation video on Momiji's accent) to the series and getting the small details right. 

I know a lot of the time that sub translators are just overworked and underpaid freelancers who usually don't have as much background knowledge and stuff like that to work with. They just translate and leave (so to speak). This system that anime has in place for sub translators isn't a good one and is resulting in poor quality work, imo.

That being said, there was one change in translation that I liked. A lot. It was this bit right here:

In the TokyoPop Version they had Momiji say "like," but here they've changed it to "love." It's kinda like the opposite of what they did with both Arisa's thoughts on Kureno and Yuki's thoughts on Tohru (back in Episode 7). The series is finished, so we know the proper feelings and emotions of these characters and the way their character and relationship arcs play out and etc.. That really helps to more accurately translate vaguer Japanese words like "suki" or "itoshii" which can be romantically based, but don't necessarily have to be, and vice-versa. I'm glad they made that change, since I think it got across Momiji's actual feelings towards Tohru better (that he has romantic feelings for her). Especially combined with his facial expression here, which they got perfect. I haven’t watched any anime only reactions yet, so I wonder if anime only fans will get the same implications and feelings from Momiji's words as I did here. It’ll be fun to see.

Anyway, I have to say that all of the Momiji scenes were well done. I don't have anything to really comment on there outside of the fact that seeing Momiji crying and then hearing him trying and failing to get out an "I'm sorry" got me crying (again). I didn't bawl my eyes out this episode like I did last, but this episode had a bunch of small moments that made me tear up. That's only what I was expecting my reaction to be to this episode, I felt the metaphorical pain when Akito talked about the fate of the Zodiac members and when Tohru thought about the Sohmas and their future at the end there, on the beach. So, I feel this episode hit all of the right emotional beats for me.

The small additional scenes that they included, such as Tohru thinking "The curse that binds everyone..." and then we just get a big ol' image of Kyo. I'm not gonna lie, that did make me laugh for a second, but that was in a good way. I love how they are making it clear very early on here that Kyo is Tohru's main driving force right now. The scene of Tohru by Momiji's beside the morning after Akito visits, is a scene from the manga, but seeing that small little animation of Tohru wiping away Momiji's tear - it shows how Tohru does want everyone to be free. She does care about everyone...But Kyo is the one she cares about the most. Even right now, even if it is still on a subconscious level. So I loved that quick little addition.

I also really liked the addition of the Rin scene, her looking at all of them on the beach, celebrating with fireworks. Re-reading the manga, I feel like it is a bit *too* elusive with Rin, so I'm glad to see that the reboot is being less so. I think it will work out better for Rin's story overall that way and also I like that they kept the detail consistency of Rin wearing Tohru's outfit (though, I didn't check to see if the shirt was still ripped or not).

Speaking of fireworks, I never really thought about it before, but outside of fireworks being pretty universally connected to summer, they are also pretty universally connected to freedom and new beginnings/change. 

Countries all over the world celebrate New Years with fireworks and pretty much every Independence Day around the world is celebrated through fireworks as well (and likely other, country specific traditions). Even in Japan, while not an Independence Day per se, when I lived in Toyama City, I learned that the Kitanippon Fireworks Display was connected to the 1945 bombing of Toyama City. It was a way to pray for the souls of those who died, as well as to celebrate and pray for peace. So all over the world, fireworks are associated with these ideas of change, freedom, and peace, which I think is wonderfully fitting for Tohru's end resolve to find a way to break the curse and transition from a passive MC to and active MC.

I feel that this episode of Furuba did an excellent job of executing the calm, happy moments like all of the kids and teens sitting around watching Mogeta. It was nice that they showed a brief little moment from the Mogeta episode that they were watching too. I feel it is a good way to jog the memories of anime only fans who are watching. I always find it funny when the genre of Mogeta gets brought up and a bunch of different genres are brought up. I always felt that joke was a bit tongue-in-cheek and was meant to be about Furuba itself. Also, in this reboot they had a Mogeta manga in Haru's room. So he should know about it already. But knowing Haru's personality, he probably read the manga without really looking at the title of it. I bet while they were watching the anime he was thinking something like, 'This feels vaguely familiar somehow...' lol

The more dramatic moments were handled very well too! The tension between Akito and Tohru was excellent. You could cut it with a knife! Meanwhile, this shot of Shigure was fantastically conveyed:

And I'm *very* happy they kept this scene the same as it was depicted in the manga:

It's so important that Akito is thinking 'That woman' as they dress and after both hearing about a call concerning Ren and having just had a conversation with Shigure about Tohru. It makes Akito chanting of 'That woman,' and Akito's almost crazed like state over 'That woman' apply to herself, Ren, and Tohru all at the same time. A++!

I think the only other major thing that I have to talk about this episode is how you can really start to see the parallel between Kyo and Momiji being the two Sohma boys that like Tohru romantically. Like I said earlier, I really do feel like they got Momiji's feelings across correctly here, so his conversation with Kyo reads a bit more like they are both on the same page. You get the proper sense that when Kyo and Momiji are talking about "being selfish" they are talking about having feelings for Tohru. Also, Momiji is the one who is able to stand up against Akito and be able to help Tohru in that moment, while Kyo is not only held back by the others, but also by himself. Ugh, poor Kyo! T-T

Outside of that, I don't think I really have much else to say about the episode. The shots of all of them eating the watermelon together were cute and precious, as were Momiji's bunny ears (they always are). Ah! I remembered one more thing. I really like how they had that image of the Zodiacs surrounding Akito and how the image made it appear like they were all getting closer to Akito. Them moving closer but all having their backs turned, continues to illustrate the strain and toxicity of the bond that currently exists between the Zodiac members and God.

So yeah, overall I really enjoyed this episode and thought they did a good job with it. There was just that one translation error that was just like, "huh?" But I'm not gonna hold that against the episode itself. They did a nice job of wrapping up this arc, and it seems like next week we will be getting the Kagura and Kyo stuff, which is interesting! I'm sensing some more, slight rearranging of events and chapters. I trust the anime team though, so I'm looking forward to how they will arrange things going forward! :D

#Fruits Basket #Furuba #Tohru Honda #Momiji Sohma #Momiru #Akito Sohma #Shigure Sohma #Rin Sohma #Yuki Sohma #Fruits Basket manga spoilers #Fruits Basket spoilers #Furuba spoilers #FB spoilers #thought post #long post #like super long post... ^^;>

[kob131]

You know Hero Hei, it’s hard to feel sorry for you (or even try to be neutral towards you) when you’re still pulling the same manipulative bullshit.

Shocked face, overexaggerated title, contrasting colors, aggressive language- I’m pretty sure if Trump’s Political ads had thumbnails, they’d looked identical to yours (and I only say Trump because every other politician follows an older version of your formula.)

‘This is a follow-up to Neath Oum’s hitpiece on me-’

There you go again. Hit Piece is defined as a disingenuous article or similar such piece of media designed to turn public opinion against a person. Issue is- this is not a public article, it’s a fucking tweet thread and it’s not made to turn people against you (and consider the replies to his tweet, it wouldn’t even slightly change public opinion of you), it was made to explain why he doesn’t like you.

We can actually see how a hit piece would sound like IN YOUR VIDEO, as Neath forgoes a lot of the manipulative techniques you use in your videos to get an emotional reaction out of his audience before even beginning.

‘I have nothing but respect for Monty Oum-’

Your numerous videos slandering his friends when the man outright told people to stop watching his show for saying one of his friends was a lesser voice actor than two others in ONE instance says otherwise. 

‘*insert a bunch of sarcastic stuff here*’

I wouldn’t bitch too much but this video is only 6 minutes and 13 seconds long and about half a minute passes without him saying of substance. And I’m keeping his shit vague because it’s meaningless and just meant to rile his audience up. 

‘It won’t negatively affect me at all.’

Cool...and Neath is never shown to intend it too. Here’s the tweet thread that Hero Hei is talking but never sources (https://twitter.com/neath_oum/status/1307345624958812160). Not once does he ever say anything about exposing Hero Hei and ends it by reiterating it’s about explaining his blocking.

Also of note-

Because his lies exacerbate conflict or generate controversy where none existed

Neath says this in his chain. Now consider Hero Hei portraying this as an attack against him...when he never says to spread his thread, use manipulative language like you do or use the attention grapping tactics you do. And now you’re just proving him right when you could have stopped this 40+ second monologue, made a title like “I respond to Neath Oum’s Twitter Thread” and used a different thumbnail. 

(Note: I am skipping from 0:37 to 1:22 because at 0:44 he says to skip that segment as it’s a catchup and I’m trying to give him some benefit so I’ll just skip it and assume he gave a neutral recap.)

‘He begins hyping this thread up and being really suspicious and vague about it!’

You mean like what people said about your original video on the subject which you dismissed and mocked them for?

To paraphrase you Hero Hei-

‘Read beyond the first sentence.’

‘In my opinion, this means nothing and so i will not comment on most of this.’

You mean opinion of the target of the so-called ‘hit piece’ who would have every reason to downplay what is being shown. After I having already seen for myself that you’re a damn liar and the very first part of the ‘hit piece’ is talking about how you lie by omission? You clearly do care because you made (an admittedly low effort) video on it and yet you can’t even address it properly? Speaking as someone who has had hit pieces made on him, you’re an idiot.

Also your ‘if you want to read the whole thing, you know where to find it!’ shit is inexcusable. It’s a known fact that audiences likely won’t seek out something that would discredit their subject. They’ll be far more likely to just accept whatever you say, especially if say...their emotions and tribalistic instincts were being played on by portraying Neath as inherently wrong and using emotionally charged language to elicit a certain reaction out of them.

“Most of this stuff is from a year ago anyways!’

Stuff which you yourself bring up before to make and support your points. 

‘This isn’t really worth my time, it’s desperate.’

I have literally heard politicians pull this, how is everything out of your mouth killing your credibility?

‘*tries to portray Neath’s beginning statement as aggressive towards people asking for proof* Well I dunno why anyone would be upset you accused someone without proof but okay-’

A. ‘ Finished some stuff earlier than expected. For those who (civilly) asked for info and proof about hero hei, here you go.’

That is Neath’s opening sentence. This is not being aggressive or dismissive or at all negative towards the people asking for proof. I can’t think of a way to be more neutral than this.

B. Funny considering you accused Pedantic Romantic of being a stalker and yet never provided actual proof, just out of context screenshots (effectively lies which is WORSE.) So clearly you don’t care that much.

‘Funny that he says he found additional evidence about this when he retweeted a thread made a month ago by another twiiter user that I debunked in another vide Man this is some worthless stuff.’

Gee Hero Hei, I’ve noticed that you like to portray this as irrelevant without saying why, continuously using those kinds of terms. Kind of like news outlets when bitching about someone they don’t like, all using similar terminology as if to subconsciously reinforce an idea in the viewer’s head. Also funny since those same news outlets ALSO tend to rely on the reader’s bias...

‘See, he even admits that he’s taking this from someone I debunked!’

Well actually, you just pointed out one single mistake that wasn’t connected to their point but sure.

‘This is so lazy Neath!’

Hero hei, you literally just take what other people say and vomit it out- You do the same shit.

‘Animelog is by Toei actually!’

No Hero Hei, it’s not. Toei justed signed up for them. It’s still operated by AnalyzeLog...which is funded by Net 10 ventures, the company Neath CITED.

Benjamin Grubbs is the founder of AnalyzeLog. In 2018, AnalyzeLog was founded with seed funding from U.S. venture capitalist Next10 Ventures. In December 2019 AnalyzeLog Digital struck a deal with Toei Animation. Shogakukan followed Toei animation deal in April 2020, and just last month it signed a collaboration with animation studio Shin Ei Animation, creators of “Doraemon” and “Crayon Shin-Chan”.

‘He tries to compare Toei being a founder of Daisuki to it’s massive investment in AnalyzeLog!’

... Hero Hei. When you found something like a business, you are INVESTING in that business. Jeff Bezos fundamentally invested in Amazon when he started it up because he had to use his own money to make it happen.

... Do you think your audience is brain dead or something?

‘*covers Neath’s screenshot of his video titles*’

Hm, pretty sure that’s the definition of ‘suspect’ Hero Hei.

‘So this vice president of Rooster Teeth did horrible things to his wife and Neath is defending this or something-’

*grabs Hero Hei by the collar*

Nuh uh, you ain’t getting away with that shit.

First, short one about Rooster Teeth, the lies I am talking about were lies of omission. These screenshots show the titles of some of his videos. Titles and screenshots are what drives viewers when deciding what videos to watch. In the titles, he used "Rooster Teeth Vice President". Using "Rooster Teeth Vice President" evokes the image of the second highest ranking person at Rooster Teeth. However, he used "Vice President of Product and Engineering" in the video description, so he knew what the person's full rank was but omitted it from the titles. By seeing the actual rank, viewers would know that the terminated person was not the second highest ranked person at Rooster Teeth. Not including information in a title to give viewers the wrong impression amounts to lies of omission.

Some will argue that he didn't lie since the full rank was given in the description, it's just click bait and no big deal. That's fine but omitting information from the beginning warps first impressions and are still lies, even if small. That said, continue reading for more of his overt lies.

This is the full set of what he said in regards to RT. Notice something? Yeah- HE’S NOT DEFENDING THE MAN. Hero Hei just shoved that shit in. With NOTHING to indicate such a thing...you know other than ‘he dared to speak out against me!’

‘He seems to be complaining about the video title-’

TITLES (multiple) which comes up NUMEORUS times in his thread but sure. And you clearly agree with him since you bitched about his opening thread (just you know, effectively lying about it.)

‘*quotes an out of context sentence from the above quoted set* No I wasn’t trying tyo give people the wrong impression!’

First, short one about Rooster Teeth, the lies I am talking about were lies of omission. These screenshots show the titles of some of his videos. Titles and screenshots are what drives viewers when deciding what videos to watch. In the titles, he used "Rooster Teeth Vice President". Using "Rooster Teeth Vice President" evokes the image of the second highest ranking person at Rooster Teeth. However, he used "Vice President of Product and Engineering" in the video description, so he knew what the person's full rank was but omitted it from the titles. By seeing the actual rank, viewers would know that the terminated person was not the second highest ranked person at Rooster Teeth. Not including information in a title to give viewers the wrong impression amounts to lies of omission.

Some will argue that he didn't lie since the full rank was given in the description, it's just click bait and no big deal. That's fine but omitting information from the beginning warps first impressions and are still lies, even if small. That said, continue reading for more of his overt lies.

Funny how context CHANGES things, like showcasing Hero Hei lying AGAIN.

‘I didn’t say that because Youtube has a 100 character limit for video titles so i couldn’t fit in!’

Yeah it does have 99 characters in it...

Except here’s the thing: you could have cut 33 characters from it even with inserting ‘of Product and Engineering’ easily.

Rooster Teeth RT Vice PRESIDENT VP of Product and Engineering ARRESTED, allegedly BEAT his WIFE Numerous Times and LAUGHED about it!

There, 66 characters and I made your video title better (by cutting out needless details) and more truthful.

I don’t trust you enough, especially with the shit you’ve already pulled in this video alone.

‘*mocks Neath for bringing up the Vic stuff from over a year ago*’

Hero hei, your channel has permanent ‘ISWV’ merch being advertised. 

*doesn’t even bother to address what is said, just mocking the use of names.*

“Neath Oum s-said mean things about me mommy, make the scary man with 2/3rds of my audience stop mommy!’

See how stupid that sounds?

In fact, let’s stop here because he says NOTHING of worth and Hero hei killed his credibility (along with any chance of me even giving him anything beyond basic human respect) at this point.

Considering the very little he DID cover ended up being just shit flinging from him AT BEST- he actually made Neath look pretty damn good. Because HH in comparison really does look like the embodiment of that ‘crying behind a smug face’ meme.

So congrats HH. I actually though the comparison was the result of personal bias against you and felt uncomfortable about. I now see it was entirely DERSERVED...if I choose to ignore how you implied Neath was defending a man BEATING HIS WIFE because he pointed out your clickbait bullshit.

[treeni]

A Lifetime of Love

Day 5 - Any intense emotions your soulmate feels you will also experience.

Logicality

Wordcount: 4524

TW: Mentions of death emotionally affecting characters.

Summary: Logan has felt his soulmate’s love nearly all his life. He just didn’t realize it until that love turned into heartbreak.

Archive Link

Tumblr Masterpost

taglist: @tsshipmonth2020

Why does Logan’s soulmate feel so much?

It was a near constant struggle for him as he had to deal with strong waves of intense ups and downs. He would almost use the idiom “extra” to describe it. The whole ordeal was borderline debilitating Logan’s ability to keep his focus.

He could not see a reason that anyone needed to feel so strongly.

Logan took a deep breath to try and calm a racing heart that was out of his control and pushed his coffee away with a frown. This menace needed to be stopped. How could he work like this? How could he attend to his patients?

He felt the cardiac quickening still and groaned. If it did not slow soon he was figuratively certain that someone would need to call a crash cart.

Maybe literally certain.

It was too be seen.

“Hey doc!” A cheery voice said to his left just as he heard the telling ‘clunk’ of a plastic tray hitting the table to reveal a face he recognized.

Scrubs. Curls. Light hair. Bracelets. Alto. Freckles. Vanilla. Smiles. Soft.

Friend.

Patton.

Nurse Patton. His mind reminded him as it instantly cycled through the immediate sensory details he most associated with his table mate.

Patton was a near constant source of smiles and warmth to those around him. He was a favorite among patients who would often come in even after their recovery to deliver tokens of appreciation and occasionally gifts that were more intimate. Logan could remember a particular nuisance who was overly forthcoming with their affections, to the point that Patton sometimes appeared uncomfortable. Sometimes Logan felt uncomfortable too just seeing the displays. The ward nearly had to dispose of a ridiculous number of roses when the man thought he was being romantic with a display that engulfed their waiting room in the flowers. It was a nuisance for the staff to deal with and potentially endangered the lives of anyone who needed life-saving emergency services at that moment, or anyone who was simply allergic to roses. Thankfully no one was harmed in the end. Instead, Patton showed his quiet brilliance when instead of tossing them all, he suggested instead to divvy them out to the hospital rooms to cheer up the patients. Many people expressed gratitude for the gesture and were generally more open to the medical suggestion of the hospital’s professionals. Though, Patton insisted he simply wanted to make people smile. Logan agreed that was probably the case.

Despite all of the good it did, Logan was not the least bit sorry to see that particular suitor leave.

“Doc? You okay?” the cheery voice asked and Logan blinked.

He had been been swept up in his thoughts.

“My demeanor and functioning is slightly less than satisfactory today,” Logan replied.

He didn’t quite understand the strange way Patton quirked his lips into a half smile, but Logan did understand that the small snort that Patton made was somehow at his expense.

“Feel like sharing with the class?” Patton asked, tilting his head to the side just so, the way he always did when he was really paying attention to what was being said.

“I do not believe that sharing my turmoil during my afternoon lecture would be appropriate.”

Patton snorted again and Logan found he didn’t mind when his shoulders shook with near-silent giggles. Even if it was at his expense.

Even on days when his soulmate bothered him with needless intense emotions, Patton always seemed to assuage the pesky feelings and replace them somehow as a bubble of joy settled into his chest that Logan was certain was all his own.

“I meant it as a turn of phrase doc,” Patton said with a toothy smile that Logan understood from experience was a show of his amusement. “What’s got you down?”

Logan squinted at Patton, trying to decide how best to approach the topic. The media always portrayed soulmates as endlessly beautiful, wonderful things and Logan just found the whole thing... absurd. However, he was not at all certain how Patton felt about the subject. He was an inherently emotional being, it was part of what made him such an effective nurse, being able to connect and empathize with the patients. However, it was also his downfall as Logan watched every failure... every death affect Patton on a personal level. Logan has held his friend many of times, exhausted and sobbing during the night shifts as another patient died in his hands. The empathetic nurse always handled losing children the worst.

Surely someone as emotionally driven as Patton would subscribe to the popular opinion of soulmates, would he not?

Logan was uncertain.

“I have found myself fatigued recently by my soulmate’s emotional turmoil,” Logan replied finally.

Many would consider such an admission blasphemy. Even if he was unsure of Patton’s feelings on the matter he was certain to find out now. Additionally... he trusted Patton to understand his intentions.

The nurse was perplexingly astute at understanding intentions.

Patton’s eyes were instantly blown wide as he sat up straight and pulled further away from Logan’s immediate personal bubble.

Maybe he would not understand after all.

Logan felt a pang of... something. He was not certain it was his own emotion, but the immediate disappointment running through his veins was palpable.

“It’s... it can’t be that bad can it?” Patton asked, with a small laugh with twiddling fingers that for Patton, signaled nervousness rather than the joy usually associated with laughter.

“I do not believe there is anything inherently wrong with them experiencing emotions,” Logan corrected, uncertain if emotions can even really be considered “bad.” He prescribed more to the ideology that it was a person’s actions that defined them, rather than their internal monologue. “It is just that I have found myself distracted by both the strength and range of emotions they have recently imparted onto me. It can be... difficult to concentrate with the physical symptoms that some of the emotions cause.”

“Mmmm,” Patton hummed in reply as an audible agreement. “Tell me about it.”

Patton moved slightly closer again, back to his position from before and placed his chin in his hand with the half-lidded gaze that meant he was considering the topic deeply. While he appreciated the thought Patton was putting into forming a response, Logan was more relieved that Patton had not abnegated their friendship the way he initially feared.

“Have you experienced anything similar with your soulmate?”

Fear, no... hesitation seemed to work its way into Patton’s expression as he met Logan’s eyes from underneath his lashes. The pair stared for several seconds, both doing their best to read the other. It was sometimes a struggle, Logan knew. He often found emotions difficult to understand, like a language he was inarticulate in. Reading Patton was... admittedly easier than most. The two spent so much time together that Logan had learned to understand many of his emotional signals, what small gestures and certain tones meant.

Logan would never admit it out loud, but his understanding of Patton’s expressions was so prevalent that he had started internally matching other people’s emotional reactions to his curly haired friend’s. It honestly helped his navigation of the unfamiliar territory.

Logan swore he could hear an ambulance siren alarming in his head when Patton looked away and murmured, “Sometimes they get angry.” while clutching his chest, just over his heart.

At first, he was uncertain how he should respond. Logan found himself experiencing an irrational desire to build walls around Patton. To create a space for him that he could curate and fill with all of the things that brought his friend joy, to protect him from such ugly emotions and particularly protect him from such an undeserving soulmate. Logan was certain that someone as patient and good as Patton deserved to feel nothing but emotions that were as equivalently kind and soft as he was.

Logan knew such a feat was impossible though. Patton would never realistically be happy in such a state. He loved the world, no matter how barbarous and unkind it could be. Patton strived to make it a more benevolent place and his presance alone made his goal a continually successful one.

Logan found himself reaching for Patton’s hand unthinkingly, a mimicry of a gesture Logan had seen the curly haired man used to console his patients.

“Are you safe?” He asked in a low, murmur. He was uncertain who Patton’s soulmate was, or where they might be, but he had to be certain that his friend was in no danger. Logan was more than willing to act as a metaphorical shield to help him reach safety should the man require it.

A literal one too.

Patton was giggling at his expense again.

It was an unexpected and yet somehow favorable outcome of the conversation.

Only when it was him though.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing so dramatic. No danger on my end, I live alone. No partner or anything. Not even a house cat.” Patton admitted, and patted the hand Logan offered him. It seemed to be some sort of consolation for his efforts. “I just worry about them sometimes, ya know?”

Well... no he did not.

He had not even considered applying concern to the disembodied entity that plagued him with unwarranted emotions. Instead, his immediate reaction had been mainly ire. Logan was diligent with his work and often took on additional duties at the hospital while maintaining several personal projects. Logan’s main focus had been on how his soulmate’s emotions had interfered in his ability to effectively complete everything he intended.

Perhaps that was the wrong perspective to take.

Logan had not even contemplated why the person he was spiritually bound to was feeling the things they did before that point. Patton truly was remarkably astute in many ways that were out of Logan’s reach. His friend always seemed to find a perspective on things that he did not initially entertain. It was quite an admirable quality.

A soft beeping noise interrupted Logan’s thought process as the pair both immediately checked their pagers.

“Well, that’s my cue I guess,” Patton said and cast his uneaten meal a longing gaze as he pushed himself up from his seat. Patton gently hip-bumped Logan’s side affectionately before taking his tray to the disposal and dumping the various items into the most appropriate containers.

That would not do.

Logan and Patton’s occupations were both difficult enough when they were working at their best. Patton did not need the strain of a missed meal impairing his professional ability and physical condition. Logan mentally added the task of procuring Patton a meal to his mental to-do list. Something that could be consumed without inhibiting his duties. Perhaps a smoothie that could be kept at the nurses station?

Logan’s eyes wandered to the nearest wall clock as he considered his options, but realized that he too needed to be on his way. He barely had time to retrieve his annotated materials before the lecture that was meant to present in less than a quarter hour. He rose without hesitation and took long strides to quicken his pace as he headed toward his office.

“-in conclusion, this medication, though still in the experimental phase is predicted to decrease the symptoms of both conventional insomnia, that a great proportion of adults suffer from, but also lessen the affects of fatal familial insomnia. Though the condition may be rare, before now modern science has had very little to be able to treat the disorder with effectively. If testing goes as predicted, we will finally be able to offer those suffering it a small respite from their symptoms.”

Logan completed his lecture and clicked the universal remote in his hand a final time to turn off the smart board that displayed his power-point and reignite the room’s lights in turn. Logan let himself smile in appreciation as the room’s occupants clapped a bit more enthusiastically than what would be qualified as simple politeness. They truly seemed to be enthused by his work and Logan was relieved to not be the only one.

“Questions?” Logan asked as the room began to quiet down and immediately several hands shot up.

However, Logan’s eyes widened slightly as he felt something bubbling in his chest. It was something foreign, something that did not belong to him.

Oh no.

A desperate laugh exploded out of mouth without his permission as the entire room looked on with bewilderment. Logan doubled over as several more hysterical laughs followed. He tried to repress it, to force himself to stop, but he could not quite hold back the near spastic convulsions as grating shrieks escaped his throat.

When it finally subsided, he took several deep breaths to try and regain his bearing. Instantly he stood straight with squared shoulders, trying to recover the serious atmosphere he had previously conducted with. One glance at his audience however proved that it would be of no use, they were all grinning at him with twinkling eyes. Some had shaking shoulders, others hid their mouths behind cupped palms and they were all laughing at him.

They were all laughing at him.

“Excuse my behavior,” Logan said and swallowed hard as his gaze drifted to the floor. “It seems my soulmate has suddenly found something immensely amusing.”

There were a few sniggers and guffaws that that response, though most tried to politely stifle their snickering.

They were all laughing at him.

“I believe I need to extract myself while they resettle, so I will conclude this lecture here. Please direct any of your unanswered inquiries to my email and I will respond at a later time.”

From there, Logan simply walked out without a glance in his audience’s direction or even parting word. His gaze stayed mainly trained on the wheel-worn tile as his feet automatically guided him on the route he knew so well, leading him straight to his personal office within the facility. He quickly slipped in and tucked the door closed behind him.

Then his clipboard was immediately flung across the room as he banged his back against the heavy wood of his door. He wanted to break something. He wanted some kind of physical stimulation that matched the fire burning inside of him. Logan’s mind flew through the images of himself turning over his office, leaving ripped papers, knocked over bookshelves, and even a broken desk chair in his wake to express the frustration that was entirely his own. However, he stopped himself, allowing his forearm to instead hit the solid wooden door only once.

The sting helped.

Then, all at once, his own wave of emotion subsided. He felt heavy and shaky at the knees. Logan leaned his weight more fully on the door for support as he slumped against it. He needed a moment.

Emotions were exhausting.

He was not certain how long he stayed against the door, seconds most likely, but it felt much longer. Logan was not truly ready to move, but he suddenly heard the faintest dripping noise and it consumed all of his attention as if there was nothing more important.

Oh.

He was crying.

Or more accurately his soulmate was, but he couldn’t fathom why.

They had just been so joyous mere moments ago. Unless-

Unless....

Was it possible they were crying because they felt his own lividity?

Logan tried wiping the tears away with a disposable tissue from the box on his desk. It proved to be a useless endeavor however as the tears refused to stop. He felt the full weight of grief expanding uncomfortably in his chest, putting pressure onto his lungs. He found he could only drag in short breaths that were barely sustainable for his respiratory system. He needed-

He needed...

He needed Patton.

Patton would know what to do.

After dabbing his eyes with the tissue one last time he slipped out the door, taking the short walk to Patton’s station. Logan kept his head down, hoping no one noticed the physical display of emotions that streamed down his cheeks.

When Logan made it to the counter of the nurses’ station, he relieved to see only Andy sitting at the ready, the only nurse who actually enjoyed working the night shift as far as Logan was aware. It was odd to see him on a Tuesday afternoon, but Logan would not complain about his fortune. Andy was unlikely to judge him. The young nurse barely had his feet in the door, but immediately took all of the oddity of medical professionalism in stride. He almost seemed to enjoy the full moons where the placebo effect drove in the results of all sorts of illogical and often insane behavior.

Andy glanced up and Logan the dark circles under his eyes looked more prominent somehow. He wordlessly pushed a box of tissues toward Logan.

The doctor ignored them.

“Where’s Patton?” Logan asked in low voice. There was no need to draw unnecessary attention.

Andy stared back blankly, but could not hide his eyes glancing down once instinctively.

Logan leaned over the desk and found all of the air rapidly leave his lungs as if someone had hit him in the stomach at full speed with a gurney.

There was Patton, scrunched up on the floor beneath the desk in the fetal position. His glasses were crooked on his forehead as he bawled into his knees with an endless stream of tears running down his cheeks.

The very same tears running down Logan’s own cheeks.

He did this.

Logan fell to his knees and reached for him. He had to stop it. He had to help. He had to... he didn’t know what.

Something.

Logan attempted to place a hand on Patton’s knee as gesture of comfort, but it was as if lightning had suddenly struck Patton with the way he had jumped, cracking his head against the back of the desk.

Logan winced. He was certain that did not help Patton’s emotional state.

Patton gave Logan a miserable look as he tried shuffling away, curling further against the back of the desk that he was already leaned against as if Logan’s hand were some kind of predatory creature that was encroaching on his space.

Logan let his hand fall away.

Patton tucked his nose against his knees and stared up at Logan once again from beneath his lashes, but it was an expression that seemed eons away from mirth-filled nurse who had joined him jovially less than two hours before.

“I want...” Logan whispered, entwining his hands to stop himself from reaching for the soulmate who did not want to be touched, by him at least.

He wanted so many things in that moment. Forgiveness. Reassurance. Physical affection. Hope that the relationship could be salvaged. Patton.

He wanted Patton.

“...I want to apologize,” Logan said, pushing down all of those thoughts.

This was not about what he felt at the moment.

Then Logan caught sight of something that was not his to bear witness to.

In his mind’s eye he could see a child, chubby cheeks, unruly curls, and bright blue eyes behind round glasses that sat awkwardly because they were still the tiniest bit too large for such a young face. It was an image in a mirror. A figure sat behind the child in overalls as they worked a brush through the nearly blond hair that was yet to darken with age.

“Renny,” The child remarked, staring up at the adult’s reflection in the mirror. “How muss do I gosta feels so dey feels it?”

“A whole lot, my sweet little Pattycake,” the adult said, swooping down to bestow the child a series of kisses on their face in quick succession.

The child let out a joyful squeal and the adult used the child’s distraction to loop on a hair tie to form one half of the hair-style colloquially known as pigtails. The child smiled and turned slightly to enable the adult access to the other side.

“I wan’ dem be happy,” the child audibly decided as the adult continued their work.

“Well then,” the adult remarked, as they carefully worked a knot with their fingers to minimize the child’s discomfort. “you know what you gotta do right?”

“Wha’?!” they asked in a gasp, as if in a state of absolute wonderment. “Wha’ I godda do?!”

“You have to think of everything that makes you happy babydoll. Cookies, the afternoon sun, Mr. Ribbit who lives on your bed. You have to think of Mommy and Renny and how very very much we love you. You have to think of all the love that’s given to you and all the love you have to share. Then, when you start to feel warm, all the way down in your toes, hold onto that feeling okay? If you do that, they’ll feel it. I promise you Pattycake.”

The scene began to fade away just as the adult secured the second pigtail. However, Logan caught a stolen glimpse at the child and adult sharing a hug that was too sweet to be meant for his eyes. Too sweet to be bearable.

Then in one swift move Patton sprung forward, pushing past Logan’s form that was still crouched down and took off in a sprint.

Away from Logan.

Patton has successfully avoided Logan for a full week.

It was the worst week Logan could ever remember experiencing. He felt miserable. Patton felt miserable. They both felt miserable. Before that week, Logan had not realized exactly what Patton had done for him nearly his whole life.

Patton constantly shared an immense amount of love with Logan through their bond.

Patton made Logan feel supported, confident, complete, all things he hadn’t realized were even at stake until they were replaced with numbness. Nothing but a hollow pit that slowly ate away at his emotional state like an insatiable black hole. Other doctors took over many of his cases that week, assuming he was ill. He was even sent home early, twice.

There was virtually no sign of Patton. Even the few glimpses he managed to catch in his peripheral were short lived as he disappeared before Logan could even fully look his way. Each time left Logan’s chest aching. It was a shared feeling.

It did not help that Patton had the loyalty of the entire nursing staff and several doctors to help him in his endeavor to hide away. Logan even thought he saw the janitorial staff help him duck into a closet once.

However, when he questioned them on it, they unsurprisingly feigned ignorance.

Logan once thought he was well liked among the hospital staff, but nothing could have prepared him for how dearly loved that Patton was. Part of him was relieved that his soulmate had such a strong support system to defend him, to protect him. The other part of him was frustrated with his position as the one Patton was being protected from. They refused to give him a chance to apologize.

He needed to apologize.

He needed his friend back.

He needed to make things between them right again, to make them as they should be.

He needed to correct the situation so they could resume their relationship just as it was.

Or maybe even make it something potentially more.

He just needed the chance.

He needed to find a way to regain the comfort of Patton shooting him a reassuring smile across the hall whenever the stress of the job began to strain him because there was no sweeter balm to his strained nerves. Patton’s absence has both physically and emotionally pushed him into a state of stress that he was unaware he could even reach. He found himself craving his soulmate’s sweet reassurances, reassurances that he never realized he could be without.

He needed to make Patton smile again.

He needed to see Patton smile.

He needed Patton to smile.

He needed Patton.

It was his total lack of progress in crossing paths with Patton at work that had Logan entering the nurse’s apartment building as he took the steps of the stairwells two at a time. He held a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a box of freshly baked muffins in the other, a treat he knew Patton favored. Logan was quick on his feet and ascended to the fifth floor easily. He moved down the hall that hadn’t changed much since his last visit where he introduced Patton to some of his favorite podcasts while Patton taught him how to make shepherd’s pie.

Logan had visited the apartment several times before. However it felt... different somehow. He felt like he was an intrusive bacteria that was entering a foreign body, hurting it unwittingly. However, Logan internally reminded himself that he had no intention of causing his soulmate any further pain.

He just wanted to make things right.

Logan shifted his gifts into one arm and let his knuckles rapt against a white door three times in quick succession. Then he waited.

There was no answer.

Not one to give up easily, Logan simply repeated his actions.

There was still nothing.

He had intended to simply leave the gifts behind if this happened. He had intended to respect his space. However, the jittery feeling of stress dancing just beneath his skin found his hand reaching for the door handle in an invasion of privacy he had never intended to commit.

It was locked anyway.

Logan’s forehead slumped against the door.

“...I am sorry...” he whispered, probably to no one.

The flat was most likely unoccupied at the moment. It was illogical to stay, talking to an empty apartment.

Even foolish looking.

That did not stop him this time.

“Patton I... I did not know... I did not understand...I was an idiot.”

Still no response.

“Patton, when you entered my life, you quickly became one of the most important people in it before I even realized it happened. You bring so much elation into everything you do, you radiate joy as the sun radiates light. I feel blessed to even be able to orbit around your presance.”

Logan bit his bottom lip to ground himself before continuing.

“When I felt all of these new feelings from my soulmate I... I found myself frustrated with them. I thought.... Patton, I thought that it was not you.”

He swallowed.

“I wanted it to be you.”

There was something on the other side of the door. The faintest noise, like a breath or maybe a gasp? Logan closed his eyes, focusing on the advice the adult imparted in the memory that was not his own.

He focused on everything he knew, everything he felt, everything he wanted Patton to understand.

He only hoped that Patton could grasp it all.

Logan’s whole being felt overwhelmingly full of so so many emotions.

He finally wanted to know them all.

“I love you,” Logan found himself whispering to the unforgiving white door that separated him from everything he wanted.

That separated him from Patton.

There was a click as the door finally unlocked.

#tsshipmonth2020 #sanders sides #logan sanders #ts logan #patton sanders #ts patton #logicality #hospital au #soulmates #logan is basically house #but like without the drugs #or just a regular doctor #you decide #Is it romantic? #Is it platonic? #who knows? #ts andy #makes an apperance #long post #fanfiction

[pararennial-archived]

as someone who writes an ace muse myself, god knows how complicated that world can be lol. was there a moment where roxy distinctly realised huh i think i'm ace? was it something she's always kind of known or something somewhere in between?

Hey there, excellent question! 

For starters, living in an allonormative society has always been strange to Roxy. She grew up around friends who were boy / girl crazy, and the sensation never really occurred to her, nor did she understand it. A lot of the times, when she was younger she didn’t understand how crushes worked, let alone, how the hell sexual desire is an actual thing and a driving force behind attraction. Ironically, she was more acutely aware that she isn’t straight, as she dated people of various genders, finding that she didn’t have any partiality or stronger attraction to particular genders because it really didn’t matter to her at all. 

At the time, she wasn’t aware of what asexuality is until she was introduced to it and better understanding it after ending her relationships. Back then, she only assumed that she wasn’t a sexual person to begin with and/or sex was just an occasional thing people have. Frankly, she was surprised as all hell with the fact that sex was something that people pursued a lot, understanding that it’s something they enjoy. Furthermore, she personally finds the concept of sexual attraction to be foreign to her, because she simply never experienced it before. Yes, she’d acknowledge that somebody is good looking but she never felt the urge or desire to be sexual with them. Same could be said for her being unaware of her own demiromanticism, as she finds that romance is not really something she’s too invested in, even if she likes being in a romantic relationship with someone. Or that, for some sort of attraction to form, there is a lot of emotional and spiritual needs that get fulfilled by being with somebody she feels safe and connected to. Although, romantic attraction is rare to the point where she borders on aromanticism. More exposition here!

But to pinpoint the actual times Roxy became more aware of her asexuality and demiromanticism were moments where her exes have been insistent on being sexually intimate, or expecting her to be the girlfriend they wanted in order for them to actually be a couple (big yikes). For a while, she was put off on having relationships because of these expectations and partners who were less than accommodating or didn’t try to understand her. In addition, throw her traumas in there and those relationships end up going nowhere. Also, she had time to reflect on people she was incompatible with, finding that her idea of love vastly differs from is considered “normal” Thus, she gave herself more time to be on her own to sort everything out and likely stumbled across the terms for her sexual and romantic orientation through others who are like her. 

In short, when she first started seeing people, sexual attraction has never been the basis of her relationships (much to a lot of her exes’ chagrin, sadly) and she doesn’t base the closeness of a relationship on how sexually intimate she is with that person. Rather, she finds her romantic relationships to be based on emotional and spiritual intimacy, where she feels in sync with someone. She’s sex neutral and would only consider partaking it with somebody that she has honest feelings for (her exes have never reached that stage, honestly). Thus, coming to that understanding was a slow and painful process for her.

@mystiika

#long post / #mystiika #‵ *.: ⚘ :.*・❨ 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 ❩・ ⏤ until i wake ‚ i dine on old encounters. ′ #‵ *.: ⚘ :.*・❨ 𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐚 ❩・ ⏤ i’m still sinking as i swim in my continual condition. ′

[saijspellhart]

Things I binged recently:

(Still coping with grief and depression, and one of the ways I tend to do that is just to distract myself from it all with Netflix. Here are some things I watched or tried watching. And my thoughts on them.)

The Office: Hated this show. Which was a shame because I really really enjoyed Parks and Rec, and these shows are supposed to be similar in style. Unfortunately this show is cynical, mean, and pessimistic. Characters get away with being outright racist, sexist, and antagonistic. Are unapologetic about their hurtful actions, and it sickens me. I was told season one was bad, and to watch season two, and I did. And even season two was awful. And I shouldn’t have to slog through three seasons of a show before it gets to a point where it’s like-able and good. If it takes you three seasons to figure it out, then no thanks. That’s a lot of show I have to suffer through before I MIGHT get to something I enjoy. I loved Parks and Rec because the characters loved and cared about each other, had genuine friendships, aspirations, and optimism. They strived to better the world around them, despite many mishaps and obstacles along the way. Parks and Rec was uplifting and sincere, where The Office is cynical and mean. 1/10.

A Whisker Away: Good, although I found the romance between the main character and her crush to be insincere and weak. I think the message of love would have been stronger if the best friend ended up being the one going to rescue her in the end. It never felt like the boy actually had feelings for her, just a begrudging respect and budding friendship. And it felt like his feelings were guilted and coerced by her actions to run away in the end. Like, “shit, I messed up and she ran away from home. Better tell her I love her, so she comes back home.” I understand that wasn’t what they were trying to do in this film, but it’s how the relationship came across. Manipulative. Especially since most of it was one sided, with her spying on his life as a cat. The love someone has for a pet does not equate romantic affection. Excellent movie for the heavy themes, Magic, and story, just think the overall message and relationships should have been overhauled, and worked around. I think the love the main character’s best friend had for her was more pure and powerful that the one-sided obsessive crush she had on the boy. 6/10.

Brand New Animal: Great show. Both my husband and I loved it. And were gushing about it even after we finished it. My only critique is all the heavy handed exposition. It felt clunky, ham-handed, and unnatural. I think with a few more episodes to the show they might have been able to parse out that exposition and find more natural ways to feed the audience that information, rather than huge unsolicited info dumps on the Main Character. Especially since half the time she didn’t earn that info, didn’t need it, didn’t ask, and just plain shouldn’t have been told some of it. Like why would you just spit classified secret information out to a character you know can’t keep secrets, or even follow directions?? Aside from that, solid characters, solid friendships, cute story, lots of interesting events, and just a blast from start to finish. Would highly recommend it to anyone. If you like Zootopia or Beastars, you’ll probably enjoy this too. 8/10.

Japan Sinks 2020: I. LOVED. THIS. SHOW. Omg, it had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I just couldn’t stop watching. It’s in the disaster movie genre. Like Volcano, Dante’s Peak, or The Day After Tomorrow. That “what if this catastrophic natural disaster occurred,” and you follow this group of survivors as they work together to stay alive. And damnit if I wasn’t emotionally invested in every single one of them. I wanted to see them survive, and see how they made it through. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna be able to connect as strongly with their struggle given that it was animated rather than live action. But that didn’t matter at all. The tone is serious, and everything is given the weight and consideration it deserves. The animation style has a realistic tone to it, and the fact that it was an anime never got in the way of the journey and the emotions and the intensity for a second. I felt ALL of it. 10/10.

Unsolved Mysteries Netflix (documentary): I’m a slut for documentaries, all kinds of documentaries. So it’s no surprise I watched this. If you like unsatisfying true stories then this is it. A whole season of unsolved crimes. You get all the information wrapped up and handed to you in a neat little interesting package, and are left to just gnaw on it wondering who did it, and if they’ll ever solve it. One of the episodes isn’t a crime though, it’s a UFO story, which was a weird change of pace and tone from the rest of the season. Still creepy, but in a different way. I liked it, but it can be frustrating when you want answers. It gets an 7/10 because I wanted answers.

Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts: I could watch this show over and over again. My husband and I were foaming at the mouth waiting for season 2, and when it finally released, we gobbled it up and then watched it again right after. Excellent show. Post-Apocalyptic story, where the surface of the earth is overrun with mutant animals, and humans are living underground in “burrows.” The main character Kipo gets separated from her people and stranded on the surface, and has to find a way home. Along the way she makes some human friends, and mutant friends, and connects with people through music. And even learns some deep dark secrets about her Mom and Dad, and even herself. It’s a beautiful story emotionally, but also an exciting adventure. I love it. 10/10.

Eurovision, the Story of Fire Saga: Good. Which is saying something because I’m not a fan of Will Ferrell and he plays one of the main characters in this movie. I enjoyed the movie, and it made me laugh. Which was another surprise because I’m a cold-hearted bitch when it comes to comedy, and most things don’t make me laugh. So when a comedy works for me it’s a surprise. And this comedy worked in places. Not ALL places, but it did get some chuckles and a laugh or two. And I did enjoy the story it told. The movie is about two friends who are musicians/singers that enter singing/performance contest, and the drama that ensues along the way. It’s a cute underdog story. 6/10.

Floor is Lava (game show): The name of the game says it all. Groups of three contestants must navigate rooms using only furniture, and chandeliers, and shit. They can’t touch the floor because the room is flooded with hot orange koolaid. And if they fall in they “die.” Prepare to watch grown ass adults hop, hobble, and flop over furniture, tables, and other obstacles, as they try to get from one side of a room to the other side without falling into the koolaid. It’s exciting, and fun, and although the commentary is awful, the struggle of the contestants more than makes up for it. 8/10.

Splice: Never seen this movie before. Thought I’d give it a try since it just showed up on Netflix. It’s... odd. I’m having a hard time deciding if I loved or hated it. It’s an interesting look into what could happen should we start experimenting with human DNA and other sentient life. And how that could go all kinds of wrong very quickly. I like horror, and this delivered on some of the horror elements, but mostly it just jabs you over and over again with moral dilemmas. And you end up feeling like all the characters in the movie majorly failed each other, and they were all the bad guys. I’ll give it a 5/10 because I’m conflicted whether I liked it or not. But it was worth seeing once.

Ju-on Origins: I’ve seen a couple of the Grudge movies, which is the Americanized version of this horror franchise. But I’ve never seen any of the Ju-on movies. So it was a new experience watching this. It’s non-linear storytelling can be challenging to follow, but the stories it’s telling are fascinating and unnerving. I had to watch it with the shitty English dub because my attention span is too short for subtitles. And this wasn’t just a single movie, it’s a show with an entire first season. Episode 4 was definitely where shit hit the fan, and things got really scary. But I like slow burn horror, so I enjoyed the build up of the previous three episodes, and how they just carefully built on the apprehension and dread until things really got scary in the fourth episode. After that the rest of the show is just a roller coaster of highs and lulls, that leave you wondering where the series is gonna go in season 2. Definitely my favorite installment in the Grudge/Ju-on franchise that I’ve seen so far. And it’s got me curious to check out the other Ju-on movies. 8/10.

The Girl with all the Gifts: I’m a sucker for zombie movies and this was a unique and refreshing take on them. The idea is that the zombie outbreak is caused by a strain of the Cordyceps fungus that ends up infecting humans. And the surviving humans are using children born from infected mothers to try and find a cure for the outbreak. The children are like this functioning hybrid of fungus and human, and not completely lost like the humans who were directly infected. The movie explores the moral dilemma of how the children are treated, and the further of humans. I enjoyed the movie, and the concepts. It was a great addition to the zombie franchise. Would recommend. 7/10.

Abducted in Plain Sight (documentary): another crime documentary. This one dealt with a kidnapper/pedophile who managed to kidnap the same girl twice, and the lasting trauma his actions had on that girl. It was sad, and heartbreaking, and horrifying. If you like crime documentaries and have a steely stomach, check this one out. I won’t give it a rating because it deals with real life stuff and children and it’s not a show.

Evil Genius (documentary): one last documentary on this list. I was on a crime documentary spree. Usually I like animal documentaries. This one was about a couple who masterminded a bank heist by attaching a collar bomb to a man and sending him on a wild goose chase scavenger hunt. There’s also a case about a corpse in a freezer, and how the two cases are connected. It’s absolutely bonkers. Just wow. It’s four episodes long, a mini-series, but just an interesting experience. I mostly watched/listened to this while slowly chipping away at a commission. If you like crime documentaries it’s worth a watch. I give this one a 6/10 because I won’t be watching it a second time, but also because I think the format and how they explained everything was kinda long winded.

#movie recommendation #movie recs #show recommendations #show recs #netflix #netflic recs #netflix recommendations #saijspellhart recommends #reviews #rates #movies #shows

[lunaticlua]

how do you make a home? // part 7

series masterlist

also available on ao3

a/n: hi! college is taking up most of my time this week. this chapter doesn't have much going on, but i like it nonetheless. soon, we will embark on a more canon part of the story. hope you like it :)

additional note: the title of the chapter is from 'time alone with you' by jacob collier ft. daniel caesar

gif by @mclines

chapter 7: time alone with you

“lay all day in bed with me and teach me how to love ya” (time alone with you – jacob collier ft. daniel caesar)

Lulu is scrolling through her Instagram feed on her bed Sunday morning, enjoying the sun's rays entering her bedroom and warming her body, when she hears a tapping. She gets up and walks to it. After opening the curtain completely and lifting the windows, she finds a pile of blonde hair and a pair of ocean blue eyes grinning at her. She tries to hide the growing happiness on her heart as she speaks. “JJ, what are you doing here?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Seeing you,” he shrugs. “Now, can I come in?”

“Yes, but you do know that we have a door, right?” She jokes as he is jumping through the window into her bedroom and almost falling. She notices the same backpack he had with him the day prior on his back. Before sleeping, she revisited all the instances that should have given her a red flag about the state of his home life, but she hadn’t paid too much attention until now. Him practically living at his best friend’s house was one of those.

“Of course, I do. But this way is more romantic.”

“Oh, you are romantic now,” she teases, even though she is aware that she can’t stop smiling at his antics. His silly behavior had been the biggest cause of the lightheartedness that came with seeing him every workday of the last month, despite her attempts at closing herself off and not letting him in.

“Always have been, babe,” JJ winks with a juvenile smirk as he comes closer to her, taking her into his strong arms.

“I am ‘babe’ now?”

“Could have been earlier if you wanted to.” Instead of answering, she simply laughs, savoring the closeness of the hug. The comfort that it brings to both of them is unmatched. Lulu loves her aunt and uncle more than anything else in the world and she is forever grateful for having them in her life. JJ recognizes that, without the Pogues by his side, his life would be so much harder and sadder. But they know wholeheartedly that, even as cliché as it sounds, they had found a safe heaven on each other’s embrace.

The teasing atmosphere is gone by the time Lulu stares into his kind, loving eyes. Bearing her soul to him and listening to his deep secret the day before solidified the feeling she had been harboring for the boy. The words they hadn’t spoken yet are evident on their gazes and smiles. He leans forward, placing his callous hands on her rosy cheeks and connecting their lips.

As the kiss deepens, she moves her hands to his shaggy hair, feeling its softness through her fingers. His heart skips a beat at the caring touch. A lifetime with a negligent, runaway mother and a violent father made him unaccustomed to this kind of affection, even though the Pogues weren’t shy at showing their love for one another.

After some time, they end up, laying on her bed. Lulu has her head rested on his chest and he is playing with her fingers, relishing on the comfortable silence and on each other’s company. She props up and turns to look at him, still leaning on him. “Tell me something no one knows about you.”

“I am the best surfer in Outer Banks,” he deadpans.

“Be serious,” she pouts at him.

“I am! People should acknowledge this, but they don’t. It’s a shame,” she stares at him skeptical. “Okay, okay... Let me think.”

“I am waiting.”

He sticks his tongue out at her, making her laugh. “My real name is John Jackson.”

“John Jackson?”

“Yeah. For some odd reason, people in this island love to name their children John. But, since I became friends with John B in third grade, I go by JJ. I don’t even think Pope and Kie know my actual name.”

“I like it. Your name,” the answer brings out a smile on his face.

“It was my grandfathers’ names. My parents wanted to honor them or some shit. I think that the last person that called me John was my mother, but, after she went away, it is weird,” he grimaces, as it clearly is a sensitive topic for him.

“It makes sense. My mom used to call me Luluzinha, which it is an affectionate Brazilian way of saying Little Lulu. My aunt tried to keep calling me that, but I hated it. It sounded so wrong in another person’s mouth after everything.”

“You miss your mom a lot?”

“Every single day,” she replies, touching the star pendant on her necklace that it used to belong to the woman. “Do you? Miss your mother, I mean?”

“Not really,” he tries to sound nonchalant, but she notices the conflicted emotions on his eyes. “Tell me something no one know about.”

He changes the subject and she accept it without questioning. Talking about family is not easy for everyone and she understands it. “I like taking pictures.”

“Of yourself?” He asks with a malicious smirk, moving with a loose strand of her brown hair from her face.

“No! Pictures of places, of things, of fully clothed people.”

“Bummer,” he jokes. “You are any good?”

“I think so. The school paper back in Ohio used my photos quite a lot.”

“Can I see it?”

“Of course,” she voices cheerfully. His interest on her and all the things surrounding her never failed to make her happy. She gets up from the bed and walks to her closet, pulling a big box. It is filled with the pictures she took and revealed through the six years she been doing this. She picks some of her favorites, the majority from the two year. “It is not much. There weren’t many exciting things back there but photographing the football games was nice. I liked the movement and the emotion of it.”

He goes through the ones she puts on his hand, analyzing it carefully. “I don’t understand a lot about art and stuff, but these are good.”

“Thanks.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Since I was ten. When I moved to Ohio to live with Auntie Rita, I was appointed a therapist. I didn’t speak for a long time after that night. It was hard and Betty, the therapist, she said that I should try to find a way to express myself. After some time, I began talking again. Sounds dumb, but it made sense.”

“It is not dumb. It helped you, right?” She nods and he pulls her into his arms again. “Whatever helps you with all this pain is not dumb. Nothing regarding you is dumb.”

“Thank you, J,” she kisses him lightly. “I know this deep down, but it is hard to remember.”

They get back to lying position, cuddling. They are in complete silence for some minutes when he breaks it. “I want you to meet my friends.”

It draws a genuine smile from her. “Tell me more about them.”

“I think that you will get along with Kiara fine. She is this environmentalist, hippie chic. Her family owns the Wreck. She is actually a Kook. You know what a Kook is, right?”

“I grew up here, JJ, remember?” She quips, thinking about the Pogue v. Kook thing that everyone learned at a young age.

“Anyway, she is rich, but for some reason she likes us better than the trust fund kids from the Kook Academy. She is bossy and creative. Pope got the brain, but Kie is the one who actually makes sure that we don’t get arrested.”

“I already like her, then.”

“Of course, you do. Oh, man, you two being friends will be the death of me,” he grumbles, prompting a giggle from her. “Pope is the one who will get out of here. He has a scholarship lined up for him. He just needs to pass this one last interview, which he will definitely do, because he is the smartest person I know. And there is John B. The one who lets me crash at his place practically every other night. He is my best friend. His dad disappeared at the sea some months ago. He is in denial. Kie humors him with it, but we know that he is not coming back. No one get lost at sea these days and lives to tell the story,” he ends with a sad expression. Big John had been a father figure for him as well and his death shock him hardly.

“Is he living by himself?”

“Technically, no. His uncle is his legal guardian, but he hasn’t been home for months now. This would be a good thing during the summer, if DCS wasn’t all over John B because of it.”

“This sucks.”

“Yeah, it does. Family is a messy thing.”

He holds her tighter and brings her closer to his chest, seeking comfort with the action. Sensing that he is not on the mood to continue to talk about it, she just looks up to his face. His eyes are closed, preventing her from seeing the ocean of emotions present in it. He seems peaceful like this: lying down with her by his side. She analyzes his sun-tanned skin and his blonde hair, taking in his beautiful face.

“I like you,” he opens his eyes startled. “I know that it is pretty obvious now, but I wanted to say it either way. You are the first person my age who got close to me and I am happy that you did. I like you, J. A lot.” His surprised expression softens.

“I really like too, Lulu.” He beams at her and, then, brings her face closer, kissing her passionately. They spend the rest of the day together, enjoying the fact that her uncle was away for a fishing trip with some friends. They cherish the calmness, without knowing that the moments of peace were fleeting, and they would miss easiness of this day later on.

“do you realize you have the most beautiful face?” (do you realize?? – the flaming lips)

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