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burneddownthegym · 3 years

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When do you think Buffy and Spike started developing feelings for each other? I think for Spike it started in season 2 which has been kind of confirmed by Dru, but what about Buffy? Their relationship seemed to change after Spike let Glory torture him to protect Dawn, but I like to believe Buffy had unregistered feelings for Spike way earlier. I don’t know what’s true though. She let him live many times when she shouldn’t and that could just be the writers wanting to keep Spike but it could also be read as Buffy not wanting to kill him for some reason. If I were Buffy I would have at least been attracted to him from the start but I’m not Buffy. What do you think?

oh god. i started writing this and it just got more and more unhinged until i was left with a novel. but here’s my headcanon under the cut.

i think for spike it started in season 2, yeah. kind of immediately. i mean in his second episode he already has like ten tv’s mounted on the ceiling to obsessively watch buffy fight? ok weirdo. obviously the writers weren’t planning on spuffy at the time but it all fits with the dru retcon in “fool for love”. i think any feelings he had were super repressed in him for a while though, and were probably closer to obsession than anything (where does one draw the line between obsession and love? much to think about!!). tbh, and maybe this is controversial, i kind of think it’s not until “intervention” that he really understands just how in love with her he is, or what it really means to be in love with her. he definitely thinks he’s in love, he has a raging, identity-crisis crush, but i don’t know, something just feels different after that episode. i feel like it’s when his feelings for buffy really become less about him and more about her. like, less about having her or wanting her to recognize him, and more about wanting to be what she actually needs. less about *loving* buffy and more about loving *buffy*, maybe. so even though his feelings before then are real, they feel real in a different way to me after “intervention”.

buffy is harder. personally, i don’t think she was ever consciously attracted to spike until maybe s5. (buffy being immediately attracted to him in fic is actually a huge pet peeve for me; it doesn’t feel in character at all and can even make me stop reading). i think there was latent attraction, but spike was just so far outside the bounds of who she thought she would be attracted to that it doesn’t register that way (reason #34095 spuffy is a lesbian ship, obv. also it’s why her being attracted to him immediately can turn me off in fic, bc it makes the relationship feel less gay, and that’s kind of important to me). i think she finds him tacky and annoying and lame and just not a sexual object. he’s a soulless vampire and you don’t sexualize those. and so anything sexual she felt toward him she dismissed the way you might dismiss a weird sex dream about someone you��d never want in real life (jane espenson apparently had notes on her desk pre-s5 saying buffy had sex dreams about him, which i totally buy, especially after “something blue”). i think one of the reasons she freaks out so bad in “crush” is that suddenly spike isn’t in the non-sexualizable category anymore. like, what, vampires and slayers are sexualizing each other now? like in real life not just innuendo? you broke the rules, what am i supposed to do now? it’s why she’s so weirded out when he tries to kiss her in “fool for love” and goes on about how people can’t love without a soul in “crush”. spike isn’t fitting his sexual category and she doesn’t know how to deal with it so she tries to stuff him back in. long story short, i think it’s only after “crush” that she actually consciously thinks about his attractiveness, because before then he just wasn’t someone on the table for her to think about that way.

(oh i should also add—i think spike’s “crush” moment with buffy is “who are you?” when faith comes onto him. because it was sort of a similar thing for him. even though he was attracted to buffy before that episode, it was something he repressed or treated as kind of a game. innuendo and eroticism as a battle tactic but not something you’d actually follow through on in real life. but he thinks buffy breaks the rules in “who are you?” and suddenly makes herself real-life sexualizable. so i think his attraction becomes more conscious after that, even if he’s still trying to act like it’s something that disgusts him, like buffy post-“crush”.)

(also, this is why it’s so easy to read violence and murder as sublimated desire in a gay way with spuffy. it’s not really about murder and violence. it’s about them expressing romantic/erotic desire within the bounds of what their roles allow, because they can’t conceive of each other in other roles.)

but i do think buffy did still have some sort of draw to spike before s5. i feel like instinctually she saw him as more of a person than other vampires pretty early. definitely not consciously, and definitely wasn’t love. but she talks to him like he’s a really annoying guy more than she talks to him like some sort of mindless enemy. she doesn’t bother telling other soulless vampires that she violently dislikes them, or mock them about their breakups. i think the only other soulless vampires she sort of treats that way are harmony and holden in cwdp, which makes sense since both of those are vampires she knew before they were vamped. she didn’t kill harmony either, and wasn’t excited about having to kill holden. but spike is the only “stranger” vampire she sees that way, and i think that’s interesting! i think a lot of her conflict over him is due to this too, tbh. he instinctually feels like both a person and not-a-person to her, and that’s hard for her to process.

i have zero canon to back this up, but i think the first time buffy kind of sort of falls in love with spike is in “the gift”, when he says he’d protect dawn until the end of the world. i mainly think this because i don’t think it can be understated how important dawn is to buffy, or how telling it is that she kisses spike in “intervention”. other people have said this, but she just doesn’t kiss people every time they do something nice for her. i don’t think she would have done that unless she felt some sort of latent *something* for him, and unless he’d done something that really deeply affected her. him being willing to sacrifice himself for dawn’s sake, or protect her above all, affects buffy first: because of how self-sacrificing she is. she’s always the one who has to die or put herself on the line for other people. and second: she’s the only one who cares about dawn the way she does. no one else goes into a coma or threatens giles or vows to protect her until the end of the world…except spike.

so the fact that spike would understand the self-sacrificial and protecting-dawn parts of her, or help her with them in the same unthinkingly committed way, when no one else is, i think hits her where she lives. he understands and is not just supporting, but *embodying* this hugely important thing to her at the time when it counts the most. so she falls a bit in love with him. maybe just a second, or a minute, and then she ignores it and saves the world. but that’s the first time it happens.

then as far as s6 goes, i pretty much take buffy at her word when she says she has feelings for him, but that they’re not love. i think she has really intense and confusing emotions around him and for him, but they just don’t cohere into something that could be called something clear-cut like love. and that’s sort of the tragedy of that season? it has all the potential and intensity and chemistry for love, but she doesn’t like or trust herself and she doesn’t trust him, and he isn’t in a place where he can understand the guilt and self-hate she’s going through, or be moral without her guidance, and so in a lot of ways her lack of trust really is justified. so it just can’t quite reach the realness of love, where you want and want to care for the other person’s whole self. but (adding this edit based on a comment by marinxttes!), i totally agree that a lot of her breakup with spike is about her feeling enough for him that it doesn’t feel right to use him anymore. i think that’s the decisive moment when she stops being confused about whether he is or isn’t a person (and whether *she* is or isn’t), and decides he is one. maybe not one she thinks she can love yet, but one she genuinely cares about doing right by, and that’s a huge shift.

i believe her in s7 too when dawn asks if she loves him and she says she feels for him. i don’t know when exactly that whole mess starts cohering into something that really is love for buffy, but i feel like it’s happening the whole season. like air condensing into water. all the pieces have been there, amorphously, for a long time, and finally they’re allowed to take form. so when she says “i love you” in “chosen”, it’s at once something new, and also something that’s been there all along.

#ship: spuffy #do i have evidence to back up 90% of this? no #am i going to post it anyway? absolutely

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philip-ks-dick · 3 years

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Philip K. Dick, For Dummies.

I’ve been researching PK.D for a few years now, as he’s my father’s favourite author and I’ve been watching movie and show adaptations of his work for the longest time. I have personally only read the books listed, here’s the order (I think) you should read them in, based on difficulty level and the knowledge you need of the PKD canon to understand the books that follow. This is purely my opinion based on knowledge of the author. by philip-k’s-dick (lol)

Beginner. (These books and stories allow readers to explore Dick’s pet themes and stylistic quirks without falling too far down the rabbit hole)

The Short Stories: Over the course of his life, PKD wrote somewhere in the range of 150 short stories. Naturally, it would be silly of me to dump all of them on you at once, but undeniably, the shorter format allows the big ideas of Dick’s work to come through more clearly, and even the screwier stories conform to relatively coherent shape, making them an excellent jumping off point, especially for an author who wrote almost nonstop throughout his life.

My Favourites:

In The Days of Perky Pat - In this novel, survivors of a global thermonuclear war live in isolated enclaves in California, surviving off what they can scrounge from the wastes and supplies delivered from Mars. The older generation spend their leisure time playing with the eponymous doll in an escapist role-playing game that recalls life before the apocalypse — a way of life that is being quickly forgotten. At the story's climax, a couple from one isolated outpost of humanity plays a game against the dwellers of another outpost (who play the game with a doll similar to Perky Pat dubbed "Connie Companion") in deadly earnest. The survivors' shared enthusiasm for the Perky Pat doll and the creation of her accessories from vital supplies is a sort of mass delusion that prevents meaningful re-building of the shattered society. In stark contrast, the children of the survivors show absolutely no interest in the delusion and have begun adapting to their new life.

(Elements of the story were later incorporated into Dick's novel The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, written in 1964 and published in 1965, in which a Perky Pat simulation game is induced by drugs and miniature models instead. Palmer Eldritch is not a continuation or sequel however.)

What the Dead Men Say - Death is followed by a period of 'half-life', a short amount of time which can be rationed out over long periods in which the dead can be revived—so that, potentially, they can 'live' on for a long time. When attempts to bring back important businessman Louis Sarapis fail, it's clearly more than mere negligence. Sure enough, Sarapis starts speaking from beyond the grave. From outer space, in fact. Yet no-one seems terribly bothered, other than those directly concerned in the plot mechanics. Eventually entire communications networks (phones, TV, radio) are blocked by Sarapis' broadcasts

(Philip's later novel Ubik is a continuation of What the Dead Men Say)

Autofac - Three men wait outside their settlement for an automated delivery truck. Five years earlier, during the Total Global Conflict, a network of hardened automatic factories ("autofacs") had been set up with cybernetic controls that determine what food and consumer goods to manufacture and deliver. Human input had been lost, and the men planned disruption to try to establish communication and take over control. They destroy the delivery, but the truck radios the autofac and unloads an identical replacement, then prevents them from reloading items. They act out being disgusted with the milk delivery and are given a complaints checklist. In a blank space, they write improvised semantic garble—"the product is thoroughly pizzled". The autofac sends a humanoid data collector that communicates on an oral basis, but is not capable of conceptual thought, and they are unable to persuade the network to shut down before it consumes all resources. Their next strategy sets neighbouring autofacs in competition with each other for rare resources and seemingly succeeds, but there is a hidden level

Beyond Lies The Wub - Peterson, a crew member of a spaceship loading up with food animals on Mars, buys an enormous pig-like creature known as a "wub" from a native just before departure. Franco, his captain, is worried about the extra weight but seems more concerned about its taste, as his ship is short of food. However, after takeoff, the crew realizes that the wub is a very intelligent creature, capable of telepathy and maybe even mind control.

Peterson and the wub spend time discussing mythological figures and the travels of Odysseus. Captain Franco, paranoid after an earlier confrontation with the Wub which left him temporarily paralyzed, bursts in and insists on killing and eating the wub. The crew becomes very much opposed to killing the sensitive creature after it makes a plea for understanding, but Franco still makes a meal out of him. At the dinner table, Captain Franco apologises for the "interruption" and resumes the earlier conversation between Peterson and the Wub - which now has apparently taken over the Captain's body

Human Is - Jill Herrick and her husband Lester are in the middle of an argument. Lester deflects his wife’s claim that he is “hideous” with cold indifference. He tells her that he will not allow their child in the house and will have him removed to government custody because he is interfering with his research. Before the distraught Jill can pass this onto their son Gus, Lester gets news that he will be taking a trip to Rexor IV. Despite Jill’s desire to go there and see the planet, Lester insists that he will go alone.

Later Jill tells her brother Frank and she is going to leave Lester. She explains how happy she has been with Lester gone and how he seems to be getting worse every year of their marriage. More cold and more “ruthless,” not to mention the incessant working.

Lester comes home a very different man. He praises Jill’s cooking and expresses disgust with his work on Rexor IV studying toxins. He says he prefers Terra and being home with his wife.

Jill reports these changes to Frank, while Lester is playing in the room with Gus. Frank has Lester brought to a lab for more studies under the guidance of the Federal Clearance agency. Before long they realize that Lester has had his body taken over by a Rexorian.

The Hanging Stranger - The protagonist, Ed Loyce, is a store owner who is disturbed when he sees a stranger hanging from a lamppost, but finds that other people consider the apparent lynching unremarkable.

He finds evidence that alien insects have taken over, manages to get out of town, talks to the police commissioner, who believes him, and after getting all the information about what Ed knows, explains that the body was hung to see if anyone reacted to it, anyone they didn't have control over. He then takes Ed outside and hangs him from a lamppost.

The Commuter - Ed Jacobson is a railway worker at Woking station. His life takes a turn for the worse when his son, Sam, begins experiencing psychotic episodes. When he is selling rail tickets at work, a young woman named Linda asks for a ticket to a destination called Macon Heights that is not listed on any map.

The Minority Report - In a future society, three mutants foresee all crime before it occurs. Plugged into a great machine, these "precogs" allow a division of the police called Precrime to arrest suspects before they can commit any actual crimes. When the head of Precrime, John Anderton, is himself predicted to murder a man whom he has never met, Anderton is convinced a great conspiracy is afoot

Full Books:

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? - Rick Deckard, a bounty hunter for the San Francisco Police Department, is assigned to "retire" (kill) six androids of the new and highly intelligent Nexus-6 model which have recently escaped from Mars and traveled to Earth. These androids are made of organic matter so similar to a human's that only a posthumous "bone marrow analysis" can independently prove the difference, making them almost impossible to distinguish from real people. Deckard hopes this mission will earn him enough bounty money to buy a live animal to replace his lone electric sheep to comfort his depressed wife Iran. Deckard visits the Rosen Association's headquarters in Seattle to confirm the accuracy of the latest empathy test meant to identify incognito androids. Deckard suspects the test may not be capable of distinguishing the latest Nexus-6 models from genuine human beings, and it appears to give a false positive on his host in Seattle, Rachael Rosen, meaning the police have potentially been executing human beings. The Rosen Association attempts to blackmail Deckard to get him to drop the case, but Deckard retests Rachael and determines that Rachael is, indeed, an android, which she ultimately admits.

Clans of the Alphane Moon - War between Earth and insectoid-dominated Alpha III ended over a decade ago. (According to the novel, "Alphane" refers to the nearest star to our own system, Alpha Centauri). Some years after the end of hostilities, Earth intends to secure its now independent colony in the Alphane system, Alpha III M2. As a former satellite-based global psychiatric institution for colonists on other Alphane system worlds unable to cope with the stresses of colonisation, the inhabitants of Alpha III M2 have lived peacefully for years. But, under the pretence of a medical mission, Earth intends to take their colony back.

Against this background, Chuck Rittersdorf and his wife Mary are separating. Although they think they are going their separate ways, they soon find themselves together again on Alpha III M2. Mary travels there through government work, Chuck sees it as a chance to kill Mary using his remote control simulacrum. Along the way he is guided by his Ganymedean slime mould neighbour Lord Running Clam and Mary finds herself manipulated by the Alphane sympathiser, comedian Bunny Hentman.

The Man in the High Castle - In 1962, 15 years after Imperial Japan and Nazi Germany have won World War II, Robert "Bob" Childan owns an Americana antique shop in San Francisco, California (located in the Japanese-occupied Pacific States of America), which is most commonly frequented by the Japanese, who make a fetish of romanticized American cultural artifacts. Childan is contacted by Nobusuke Tagomi, a high-ranking Japanese trade official, who is seeking a gift to impress a visiting Swedish industrialist named Baynes. Childan's store is stocked in part with counterfeit antiques from the Wyndam-Matson Corporation, a metalworking company. Frank Frink (formerly Fink), a secretly Jewish-American veteran of World War II, has just been fired from the Wyndam-Matson factory, when he agrees to join a former co-worker to begin a handcrafted jewellery business. Meanwhile, Frink's ex-wife, Juliana, works as a judo instructor in Canon City, Colorado (in the neutral buffer zone of Mountain States), where she begins a sexual relationship with an Italian truck driver and ex-soldier, Joe Cinnadella. Throughout the book, many of these characters frequently make important decisions using prophetic messages they interpret from the I Ching, a Chinese cultural import. Many characters are also reading a widely banned yet extremely popular new novel, The Grasshopper Lies Heavy, which depicts an alternate history in which the Allies won World War II in 1945, a concept that amazes and intrigues its readers.

Frink reveals that the Wyndam-Matson Corporation has been supplying Childan with counterfeit antiques, which works to blackmail Wyndam-Matson for money to finance Frink's new jewelry venture. Tagomi and Baynes meet, but Baynes repeatedly delays any real business as they await an expected third party from Japan. Suddenly, the public receives news of the death of the Chancellor of Germany, Martin Bormann, after a short illness. Childan tentatively, on consignment, takes some of Frink's "authentic" new metalwork and attempts to curry favour with a Japanese client, who surprisingly considers Frink's jewelry immensely spiritually alive. Juliana and Joe take a road trip to Denver, Colorado and Joe impulsively decides they should go on a side-trip to meet the mysterious Hawthorne Abendsen, author of The Grasshopper Lies Heavy, who supposedly lives in a guarded fortress-like estate called the "High Castle" in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Soon, Joseph Goebbels is announced as the new German Chancellor.

Intermediate. (These are the books to pick up once you have the basics of what makes a PKD novel down. They’re obtuse enough to hit a little heavier, but don’t provide the full dose of surrealism Dick was capable of serving up. This is also good spot to jump in if you’ve experienced weird fiction before.)

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said - The novel is set in a dystopian version of 1988, following a Second Civil War which led to the collapse of the United States' democratic institutions. The National Guard ("nats") and US police force ("pols") reestablished social order through instituting a dictatorship, with a "Director" at the apex, and police marshals and generals as operational commanders in the field. Resistance to the regime is largely confined to university campuses, where radicalized former university students eke out a desperate existence in subterranean kibbutzim. Recreational drug use is widespread, and the age of consent has been lowered to twelve. The black population has almost been rendered extinct. Most commuting is undertaken by personal aircraft, allowing great distances to be covered in little time.

The novel begins with the protagonist, Jason Taverner, a singer, hosting his weekly TV show which has an audience of 30 million viewers. His special guest is his girlfriend Heather Hart, also a singer. Both Hart and Taverner are "Sixes", members of an elite class of genetically engineered humans. While leaving the studio, Taverner is telephoned by a former lover, who asks him to pay her a visit. When Taverner arrives at her apartment, the former lover attacks him by throwing a parasitic life-form at him. Although he manages to remove most of the life-form, parts of it are left inside him. After being rescued by Hart, he is taken to a medical facility.

Waking up the following day in a seedy hotel with no identification, Taverner becomes worried, as failure to produce identification at one of the numerous police checkpoints would lead to imprisonment in a forced labor camp. Through a succession of phone calls made from the hotel to colleagues and friends who now claim not to know him, Taverner establishes that he is no longer recognized by the outside world. He soon manages to bribe the hotel's clerk into taking him to Kathy Nelson, a forger of government documents. However, Kathy reveals that both she and the clerk are police informants, and that the lobby clerk has placed a microscopic tracking device on him. She promises not to turn Taverner over to the police on the condition that he spend the night with her. Although he attempts to escape, Kathy confronts him again after he has successfully passed a police checkpoint using the forged identity cards. Feeling in her debt, he accompanies Kathy to her apartment block, where Inspector McNulty, Kathy's police handler, is waiting. McNulty has located Taverner via the tracking device the hotel lobby clerk placed on him, and instructs Taverner to come with him to the 469th Precinct police station so that further biometric identity checks can be performed.

Time out of Joint - Ragle Gumm lives in the year 1959 in a quiet American suburb. His unusual profession consists of repeatedly winning the cash prize in a local newspaper contest called "Where Will The Little Green Man Be Next?". Gumm's 1959 has some differences from ours: the Tucker car is in production, AM/FM radios are scarce to non-existent, and Marilyn Monroe is a complete unknown. As the novel opens, strange things begin to happen to Gumm. A soft-drink stand disappears, replaced by a small slip of paper with the words "SOFT-DRINK STAND" printed on it in block letters. Intriguing little pieces of the real 1959 turn up: a magazine article on Marilyn Monroe, a telephone book with non-operational exchanges listed and radios hidden away in someone else's house. People with no apparent connection to Gumm, including military pilots using aircraft transceivers, refer to him by name. Few other characters notice these or experience similar anomalies; the sole exception is Gumm's supposed brother-in-law, Victor "Vic" Nielson, in whom he confides. A neighborhood woman, Mrs. Keitelbein, invites him to a civil defense class where he sees a model of a futuristic underground military factory. He has the unshakeable feeling he's been inside that building many times before.

Confusion gradually mounts for Gumm. His neighbor Bill Black knows far more about these events than he admits, and, observing this, begins worrying: "Suppose Ragle [Gumm] is becoming sane again?" In fact, Gumm does become sane, and the deception surrounding him (erected to protect and exploit him) begins to unravel

Ubik - By the year 1992, humanity has colonized the Moon and psychic powers are common. The protagonist, Joe Chip, is a debt-ridden technician working for Runciter Associates, a "prudence organization" employing "inertials"—people with the ability to negate the powers of telepaths and "precogs"—to enforce the privacy of clients. The company is run by Glen Runciter, assisted by his deceased wife Ella who is kept in a state of "half-life", a form of cryonic suspension that allows the deceased limited consciousness and ability to communicate. While consulting with Ella, Runciter discovers that her consciousness is being invaded by another half-lifer named Jory Miller

Difficult. (This section comes with a caveat: within these novels you will encounter numerous hallucinations, drug trips, an entire trilogy about gnostic spirituality and mental illness, and more than a little unabashed nightmare fuel. It’s normal to get tangled up in what goes on in these books. It’s also normal to be weirded out. But with proper grounding, you’ll make it though with your faculties intact. Probably.)

The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch - The story begins in a future world where global temperatures have risen so high that in most of the world it is unsafe to be outside without special cooling gear during daylight hours. In a desperate bid to preserve humanity and ease population burdens on Earth, the UN has initiated a "draft" for colonizing the nearby planets, where conditions are so horrific and primitive that the unwilling colonists have fallen prey to a form of escapism involving the use of an illegal drug (Can-D) in concert with "layouts." Layouts are physical props intended to simulate a sort of alternative reality where life is easier than either the grim existence of the colonists in their marginal off-world colonies, or even Earth, where global warming has progressed to the point that Antarctica is prime vacation resort territory. The illegal drug Can-D allows people to "share" their experience of the "Perky Pat" (the name of the main female character in the simulated world) layouts. This "sharing" has caused a pseudo-religious cult or series of cults to grow up around the layouts and the use of the drug.

Up to the point where the novel begins, New York City-based Perky Pat (or P.P.) Layouts, Inc., has held a monopoly on this product, as well as on the illegal trade in the drug Can-D which makes the shared hallucinations possible.

The novel opens shortly after Barney Mayerson, P.P. Layouts' top precog, has received a "draft notice" from the UN for involuntary resettlement as a colonist on Mars. Mayerson is sleeping with his assistant, Roni Fugate, but remains conflicted about the divorce, which he himself initiated, from his first wife Emily, a ceramic pot artist. Meanwhile, Emily's second husband tries to sell her pot designs to P.P. Layouts as possible accessories for the Perky Pat virtual worlds—but Barney, recognizing them as Emily's, rejects them out of spite.

A Scanner Darkly - When performing his work as an undercover agent, Arctor goes by the name "Fred" and wears a "scramble suit" that conceals his identity from other officers. Then he is able to sit in a police facility and observe his housemates through "holo-scanners", audio-visual surveillance devices that are placed throughout the house. Arctor's use of the drug causes the two hemispheres of his brain to function independently or "compete". When Arctor sees himself in the videos saved by the scanners, he does not realize that it is him. Through a series of drug and psychological tests, Arctor's superiors at work discover that his addiction has made him incapable of performing his job as a narcotics agent. They do not know his identity because he wears the scramble suit, but when his police supervisor suggests to him that he might be Bob Arctor, he is confused and thinks it cannot be possible.

Donna takes Arctor to "New-Path", a rehabilitation clinic, just as Arctor begins to experience the symptoms of Substance D withdrawal. It is revealed that Donna has been a narcotics agent all along, working as part of a police operation to infiltrate New-Path and determine its funding source. Without his knowledge, Arctor has been selected to penetrate the organization. As part of the rehab program, Arctor is renamed "Bruce" and forced to participate in cruel group-dynamic games, intended to break the will of the patients

(If this one seems difficult to wrap your mind around, that's because its a fictionalized account of real events, and you may need to read about Philip's life at the time to understand the autobiographical nature of the book.)

The VALIS Trilogy

(Fictionalized account of religious experiences in PKD’s life.)

VALIS - In March, 1974, Horselover Fat (the alter-personality of Philip K. Dick) experiences visions of a pink beam of light that he calls Zebra and interprets as a theophany exposing hidden facts about the reality of our universe, and a group of others join him in researching these matters. One of their theories is that there is some kind of alien space probe in orbit around Earth, and that it is aiding them in their quest; it also aided the United States in disclosing the Watergate scandal and the resignation of Richard Nixon in August, 1974. Kevin turns his friends onto a film called Valis that contains obvious references to revelations identical to those that Horselover Fat has experienced, including what appears to be time dysfunction. The film is itself a fictional account of an alternative-universe version of Nixon ("Ferris F. Fremount") and his fall, engineered by a satellite called valis. (The plot of the fictitious film Valis was that of Dick's then-unpublished novel Radio Free Albemuth.) In seeking the film's makers, Kevin, Phil, Fat, and David—now calling themselves the Rhipidon Society—head to an estate owned by popular musician Eric Lampton and his wife Linda. They decide the goal that they have been led toward is Sophia Lampton, who is two-years old and the Messiah or incarnation of Holy Wisdom (Pistis Sophia) anticipated by some variants of Gnostic Christianity. In addition to healing Phil's schizophrenic personality split, she tells them that their conclusions about valis (which Fat had previously termed "Zebra") and reality are correct, and more importantly, that we should worship, not gods, but humanity. She dies two days later due to a laser accident caused by Brent Mini. Undeterred, Fat (who has now resurged) goes on a global search for the next incarnation of Sophia.

Dick also offers a rationalist explanation of his apparent theophany, acknowledging that it might have been visual and auditory hallucinations from either schizophrenia or drug addiction sequelae.

Characters:

Phil (Philip K. Dick): Narrator (first person), science fiction writer, author of Man in the High Castle, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, and Three Stigmata.

Horselover Fat: Narrator (third person), a schizophrenic modality of Phil himself. (Philip in Greek means "fond of horses"; dick is German for "fat".)

Gloria Knudson: Suicidal friend of Fat's who Fat is unable to save.

Kevin: Cynical friend of Fat's whose cat died running across the street, based on K. W. Jeter.

Sherri Solvig: Church-going friend of Fat's, eventually dies from lymphatic cancer.

David: Catholic friend of Fat's, based on Tim Powers.

Eric Lampton: Rock star, screenwriter, actor, a. k. a. "Mother Goose"; a fictionalised version of David Bowie.

Linda Lampton: Actress, wife of Eric Lampton.

Brent Mini: Electronic composer, a fictionalised version of Brian Eno.

Sophia Lampton: Two-year-old child (personalised incarnation of Holy Wisdom within some variants of Gnosticism), said to be the daughter of Linda Lampton and valis and the "Fifth Savior".

The Divine Invasion - After a fatal car accident on Earth, Herb Asher is placed into cryonic suspension as he waits for a spleen replacement. Clinically dead, Herb experiences lucid dreams while in suspended animation and relives the last six years of his life.

In the past, Herb lived as a recluse in an isolated dome on a remote planet in the binary star system, CY30-CY30B. Yah, a local divinity of the planet in exile from Earth, appears to Herb in a vision as a burning flame, and forces him to contact his sick female neighbor, Rybys Rommey, who happens to be terminally ill with multiple sclerosis and pregnant with Yah's child.

With the help of the immortal soul of Elijah, who takes the form of a wild beggar named Elias Tate, Herb agrees to become Rybys's legal husband and father of the unborn "savior". Together they plan to smuggle the six-month pregnant Rybys back to Earth, under the pretext of seeking help for Rybys' medical condition at a medical research facility. After being born in human form, Yah plans to confront the fallen angel Belial, who has ruled the Earth for 2000 years since the fall of Masada in the first century CE. Yah's powers, however, are limited by Belial's dominion on Earth, and the four of them must take extra precautions to avoid being detected by the forces of darkness.

Things do not go as planned. "Big Noodle", Earth's A.I. system, warns the ecclesiastical authorities in the Christian-Islamic church and Scientific Legate about the divine "invasion" and countermeasures are prepared. A number of failed attempts are made to destroy the unborn child, all of them thwarted by Elijah and Yah. After successfully making the interstellar journey back to Earth and narrowly avoiding a forced abortion, Rybys and Herb escape in the nick of time, only to be involved in a fatal taxi crash, probably due to the machinations of Belial. Rybys dies from her injuries sustained in the crash, and her unborn son Emmanuel (Yah in human form) suffers brain damage from the trauma but survives. Herb is critically injured and put into cryonic suspension until a spleen replacement can be found. Baby Emmanuel is placed into a synthetic womb, but Elias Tate manages to sneak Emmanuel out of the hospital before the church is able to kill him.

Six years pass. In a school for special children, Emmanuel meets Zina, a girl who also seems to have similar skills and talents, but acts as a surrogate teacher to Emmanuel. For four years, Zina helps Emmanuel regain his memory (the brain damage caused amnesia) and discover his true identity as Yah, creator of the universe.

When he's ready, Zina shows Emmanuel her own parallel universe. In this peaceful world, organized religion has little influence, Rybys Rommey is still alive and married to Herb Asher, and Belial is only a goat kid living in a petting zoo.

In an act of kindness, Zina and Emmanuel liberate the goat-creature from his cage, momentarily forgetting that the animal is Belial. The goat-creature finds Herb Asher and attempts to retain control of the world by possessing him and convincing him that Yahweh's creation is an ugly thing that should be shown for what it really is. Eventually Herb is saved by Linda Fox, a young singer whom he loves and who is his own personal Savior; she and the goat-creature meet and she kills it, defeating Belial. He finally discovers that this meeting happens over again for everyone in the world, and whether they choose Belial or their Savior decides if they find salvation.

Characters:

Herb Asher: audio engineer

Rybys Rommey: mother of Emmanuel, sick with MS

Yah: Yahweh

Elias Tate: Incarnation of Elijah

Emmanuel (Manny): Yah incarnated in human form

Zina Pallas: Shekhinah

Linda Fox: singer, songwriter, Yetzer Hatov

Belial: Yetzer Hara

Fulton Statler Harms: Chief prelate of the Christian-Islamic Church (C.I.C), Cardinal of the Roman Catholic Church

Nicholas Bulkowsky: Communist Party Chairman, Procurator maximus of the Scientific Legate

VALIS: agent of Yahweh, disinhibiting stimulus

The Transmigration of Timothy Archer - Set in the late 1960s and 1970s, the story describes the efforts of Episcopal Bishop Timothy Archer, who must cope with the theological and philosophical implications of the newly discovered Gnostic Zadokite scroll fragments. The character of Bishop Archer is loosely based on the controversial, iconoclastic Episcopal Bishop James Pike, who in 1969 died of exposure while exploring the Judean Desert near the Dead Sea in the West Bank.

As the novel opens, it is 1980. On the day that John Lennon is shot and killed, Angel Archer visits the houseboat of Edgar Barefoot, (a guru based on Alan Watts), and reflects on the lives of her deceased relatives. During the sixties, she was married to Jeff Archer, son of the Episcopal Bishop of California Timothy Archer. She introduced Kirsten Lundborg, a friend, to her father-in law, and the two began an affair. Kirsten has a son, Bill, from a previous relationship, who has schizophrenia, although he is knowledgeable as an automobile mechanic. Tim is already being investigated for his allegedly heretical views about the Holy Ghost.

Jeff commits suicide due to his romantic obsession with Kirsten. However, after poltergeist activity, he manifests to Tim and Kirsten at a seance, also attended by Angel. Angel is skeptical about the efficacy of astrology, and believes that the unfolding existential situation of Tim and Kirsten is akin to Friedrich Schiller's German Romanticism era masterpiece, the Wallenstein trilogy (insofar as their credulity reflects the loss of rational belief in contemporary consensual reality).

The three are told that Kirsten and Tim will die. As predicted, Kirsten loses her remission from cancer, and also commits suicide after a barbiturate overdose. Tim travels to Israel to investigate whether or not a psychotropic mushroom was associated with the resurrection, but his car stalls, he becomes disoriented, falls from a cliff, and dies in the desert.

On the houseboat, Angel is reunited with Bill, Kirsten's son who has schizophrenia. He claims to have Tim's reincarnated spirit within him, but is soon institutionalized. Angel agrees to care for Bill, in return for a rare record (Koto Music by Kimio Eto) that Edgar offers her.

The Transmigration of Timothy Archer is one of Dick's most overtly philosophical and intellectual works. While Dick's novels usually employ multiple narrators or an omniscient perspective, this story is told in the first person by a single narrator: Angel Archer, Bishop Archer's daughter-in-law.

Characters:

Angel Archer: Narrator, manager of a Berkeley record store, widow of Jeff Archer.

Timothy Archer: Bishop of California; father of the late Jeff Archer and father-in-law of Angel. Dies in Israel, searching for psychotropic mushroom connected with Zadokite sect. Based on James Albert Pike, Dick's personal friend, who was an American Episcopalian bishop.

Kirsten Lundborg: Timothy Archer's secretary and lover. Dies from barbiturate overdose after loss of remission from cancer.

Bill Lundborg: Kirsten's son who has schizophrenia, and who is obsessed with cars.

Edgar Barefoot: Houseboat guru, radio personality, lecturer. Based on Alan Watts.

Jeff Archer: Son of Timothy Archer, and deceased husband of Angel. A professional student who was romantically obsessed with Kirsten.

Thank you, if you read all of this. it took me six hours today to write this all

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xenosagaepisodeone · 3 years

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ok 3.0+1.0 longpost -_-

it’s difficult for me to describe how I feel about 3.0+1.0 as a film because it’s artistic vision is just a 25 year cultivated response to the otaku fixation on nge. this film hardly feels like it can stand on it’s own feet as a coherent story -- it’s constantly introducing and reinterpreting symbols, contexts and concepts in order to lay down some kind of grounded world while also wanting to be evocative of the freeform flow of feelings occurring in EoE/Ep25/26. if this movie was it’s own thing and just living in the shadow of it’s predecessor, I could probably live with it and maybe even say that I liked it, but it’s flip flopping on if it wants the metanarrative to drive the story or if it wants to erect a new mythology of Eva altogether completely squanders maximizing the potential of doing either. what were left with is a very cowardly iteration of the message at the end of nge -- “human connections are important, even if they can be painful” becomes “ if we show you what you wanted to see for the past nearly 30 years, will you grow up now?”

"Defeated" feels like how I would describe the ethos of this film.

reiQ’s farmer adventures were cute, but in a way that felt bittersweet- because this character is not actually rei. not simply because she is not ayanami, but because she carries no actual development from her previous iterations like the other characters of rebuild. reiQ answers the question of “what if rei was actually as moe as she looks in official art” but forgets to pull the rug out from beneath you to unveil the depths of her turmoil. while Ayanami would say “I am not your doll to control”, reiQ has almost every aspect of her character dictated to her by other people - and this is depicted as fulfilling and human (because Anno wants you to get a job and have kids). not even her name is her choice. her sudden death only exists to serve as a motivator for shinji. I wanted to believe that this was some commentary on how a relationship without pain and loss cant exist, but it seems unlikely as rei (1, 2, 3, Q, Ayanami, lilith, etc) does not have an arc in this film. also the TV production quality of the village segment made it feel like I was watching a 12 episode sol as opposed to an actual film.

funnily enough, my feeling towards reiQ made me feel retroactive distaste towards 1.0 and 2.22. I’ve never thought rebuild was good, that much has never been a secret. 1.0 and 2.22 however carried enough over from the original series that it felt like the original characters were picking themselves up and getting better. I was happy seeing asuka, who had previously spent 26 episodes and a movie being miserable, open herself up to happiness. I was happy seeing rei connect more with shinji. even if the characters had to become simplified versions of themselves to find their own peace, it didnt feel thatbad. I didn’t realize until 3.0 came out how little this tetralogy had to it beyond puppeteering iconography and hoping that fans find meaning in it. 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 carried the same conviction of 1.0 and 2.22 of showing you characters you like doing things you wished they did, but with the support of the original series environment withering away to unveil half baked ideas, convoluted plots and meaningless regurgitation of every meaningful image this series has produced. seeing rei stripped even farther than her bare bones as reiQ put into focus what I thought I appreciated about 1.0 and 2.22.

there were a few times throughout this movie where I was trying to figure out what it was that anno was trying to say. as stated in my op paragraph, the film does carry it’s own simplified message about how important it is to grow up and face the real world, but this message largely betrays the framing. its cowardly. the pain that shinji experience does not come from the Other anymore, it is all self inflicted. learning to endure hardship simply became a matter of overcoming your own feelings, because now everyone else in your life effortlessly accepts you. there are 3 girls with who dont have any problems anymore and a solarpunk empire that would be all over you if you simply stood on your own two feet. there is no asuka experiencing hedgehog dilemma with shinji, there’s only asuka who exists so shinji can learn how to confess to a girl. there is no misato constantly subjecting shinji to a interplay of projecting her issues onto him and attempting to mother him (with varying degrees of success), there’s just shinjis step mom who accepts that she is responsible for him (which feels GREAT to see but feels bad when you think about what it sacrificed to get there). for a guy whose complicated relationship with otaku culture has bled into his work, you would think that idealistic fantasy of the real world wouldnt be the crutch of the delivering his message. when I say that “defeated” is the ethos of this film, I mean that it is so lacking in purpose compared to its predecessors that it wears itself thin trying to superficially have something for every conceivable audience while throwing out the meat of why people liked those things in the first point.

I was surprised to see that it was gendo who survived as the most introspective part of the film. i’m conflicted towards how I feel about a gendo redemption arc, but I feel as if his instrumentality sequence itself was decently shot (I hate having to compare it to ep 25/26 but it lacks the artistic flare for such a big budget film) and very well articulated. there’s a beautiful story in here about realizing your parents are people and parents realizing the responsibility they owe to their children, but I wish it could have been explored in a different film where characters are less held back by their established canon. honestly watching this whole sequence made me wonder if anno is still friendly with goro miyazaki LMAO

I was largely uninterested in the fight scenes, I think the only one that genuinely made me feel something was the one towards the end where asuka turns into an angel. the poor fight choreography coupled with weird shot composition and the overbearing usage of cg makes fight sequences overbearing and kind of difficult to decipher. cg fights are largely 1 eva vs a swarm of enemies that take up the screen, all of them having the same line weight which just ends up making all parties involved look like a mesh of colors. there arent real stakes for the most part either, asuka and mari tear through waves of enemies with effortless precision accuracy in a way that isnt visually or technically impressive.

believe it or not, I don’t actually dislike Mari. Mari enacts what Anno sought to do with the Rebuilds -- to destroy Evangelion. Mari (literally!) falls out of the sky into the story and is not gripped by the pain of the hedgehog’s dilemma as she exhibits her adoration for most things. her romance with shinji is intentionally analogous to how anno perceives his relationship with his wife -- that she saved him by encouraging him to live in the real world. the actual, textual ridiculousness in her character is softened when you realize that she’s just another component of his 4 movie long exhibition of telling everyone his life is better now that he’s successful and has a hot and talented wife.

is it worth complaining about all the crotch or ass shots. i think we all feel the same way about it. anyway i have more thoughts but these are my loose ones.

#3.0+1.0 #thrice upon a time #evangelion

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arambleaway · 3 years

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Okay, so like Ace Attorney recently ate my brain. And I have never played any of the games. This is the true potential of the internet at work people. Anyway.

I keep thinking about my very specific images of Phoenix Wright, Miles Edgeworth, and the relationship therein. This is gonna be a long one because I can't be assed to make it more coherent than the mess it is in my brain.

So. Phoenix is obviously from a very loving and supportive family except they absolutely loathe the law and law professionals. Phoenix is trans and his family is super supportive, allowing him to express himself even from a young age. Unfortunately, Phoenix's new teacher isn't so great. Is actually a bit of a piece of shit and has been isolating Phoenix and so the poor boy has spent the first couple months of being out being harassed by his teacher and classmates. And that is part of why the trial sticks with Phoenix so much. Because Miles stands up to not only the students, but the teacher and all of the vitriol they've been leaking as well. And he doesn't just drop Phoenix after. He still wants him around and as a little kid that shit sticks with Phoenix far longer than it does with Larry and Edgeworth. Also, unfortunately, if you've got one asshole teacher, you've likely got a few nearby, so Phoenix's family does their best to support him and they offer to transfer him and do what they can, but Phoenix as a child is afraid to move and never see Edgeworth or Larry again so he doesn't. And then when he starts writing letters, he finds he can't stop because they become confessionals of a sort and a place where he doesn't have to be on guard and can know that the person he is writing to is accepting of his identity even if he does wonder from time to time if maybe Edgeworth no longer accepts him.

Anyway, then canon, yada yada. Lets talk about Miles now. Miles is depressed, okay. And he writes that note (you know the one) completely literally. But here's the thing: Miles knows the trauma of finding dead bodies. Has probably seen the mess they leave, and doesn't want to cause more harm than he already has. So he writes the note and packs the pills/blade/etc into a suitcase and takes a flight to Europe where no one that knows him will have a chance to stumble upon him. The turnabout is this: on the plane over he gets into an argument with his seat buddy. Its no one important, but the key info on him is that he is in therapy and sort of off hand brings it up and Miles, who was not raised with a pleasant idea of therapists and such starts an unholy row with him, blatantly projecting his own insecurities and perceived weaknesses on this poor man. The flight attendants have to separate the two and the man spends the rest of the time in first class. Miles spends the rest of the flight getting dirty looks from everyone else. By the flight's end he is frothing at the mouth and the man's assertion that therapy is not something for the faint of heart has been burrowing under his skin. He gets off the plane and rather than immediately commit he thinks he might as well make the source clear and winds up at the empty von Karma estate. He spends the night with a blade on his wrist and voices in his ears. But he doesn't move.

He falls asleep and he wakes from a nightmare he can't recall and it is noon the next day. He doesn't eat, he doesn't move. He just lays there and thinks. He thinks about Phoenix, Franziska, His Father, von Karma, all the lives he's sent to prison after measuring them against a false scale, and he thinks of the man on the plane. He thinks of the things he said, the ring he noticed on his finger, and the husband that was brought up at some point in their altercation. He thinks a lot about what it means to be and Edgeworth and what it means to be a von Karma. He picks up the blade and he puts it in his suitcase. He starts to research Therapists. Because he is going to have the best therapist in the business if he is going to do this. (He just kinda goes for the one with the most academic accolades that is willing to do home visits or move of some shit, anyway) Miles Edgeworth starts therapy and it goes horribly. Miles hates it viscerally and he doesn't feel like his therapist understands. (Which they don't. They keep trying to convince Edgeworth to see and actual trauma specialist and find someone that he clicks with rather than coming back to them). His therapist is worth their name though, and Miles is actually hospitalized due to being a danger to himself. For all that he loathes this, it does eventually allow him to meet with an actual trauma specializing therapist and finally maybe understand what the big deal is. He still hates it, but he finds the therapist that actually suits him and things get a little better.

The first thing is he stops living in the von Karma estate. He admits its a bad place for him to be at the moment and so he moves closer to his therapist and gets a rental flat. Second he gets a new wardrobe. He's been using his stuff left at the von Karma home and all of it is his flashy very "von Karma" wear. So he goes and gets new suits tailored in his preferred style and he pays for them and wears them because he realizes he likes them and not because he is trying to emulate his Mentor. This step is especially a big deal because it is the first moment where he is able to really define who "Miles Edgeworth" is outside of the confines of the courtroom. In all this, of course, he is also figuring out who he is within the courtroom as well. After committing to his therapist and recovery, he goes back into Law in Germany and really tries to define why he still wants to be there. I like to think he spends some time in small courts as a defense attorney assistant while trying to redefine his place. Anyway, eventually Miles decides he wants to remove his old stuff from the von Karma estate. He might move in his new stuff but for now it is merely removing the old, giving him the space and option of a new start. In clearing his stuff he winds up in the storage space on the household and there he finds an old suitcase.

The suitcase is Miles's from when he first came to the household. Von Karma had told the staff to pitch it when they first arrived and apparently whoever was on duty that day was kind enough to save it for later. Miles has a bit of a breakdown on seeing it and has a rather sharp set back in his improvement. He finds himself staring at the knife again. Because he never put it away. He still doesn't. But he doesn't touch it, just looks. Miles fights his way back out of the hole and in doing so removes all of his things from the estate except that little suitcase. Its the last thing and he opens it to slowly deal with the contents. Most of it is children's clothes, some expired toiletries, but buried in the deepest part of the case, wrapped lovingly in an old bowtie is his Father's defense attorney badge. Miles doesn't have a breakdown this time (yay!) but he does spend the next week unable to sleep for the sheer intensity of his nightmares. He carries on though. He slowly and surely patches together who exactly Miles Edgeworth is and what he wants to stand for. And that little gold badge stays folded in the bow tie and tucked in the deepest corner of his latest suitcase. He throws out the knife.

Once again back to canon, he returns doesn't tell anyone shit, and slowly relearns Phoenix Wright and what that man means to him. Hazakura temple, all the gay vibes, until the disbarment era. Lets stop by Phoenix again, shall we?

Phoenix is disbarred and for the first so many years he is genuinely friends with Kristoph Gavin. None of this "oh i always suspected shit", he believes in Kristoph, because that's who Phoenix is. At this point Edgeworth is still in Europe and a large part of that is so that he can continue with his therapy. But he does drop everything to talk to Phoenix once he hears the news. He immediately knows that something is up because Phoenix would never and he believes in him more than anyone else and he is offering to do everything in his power to make this better because Phoenix is worth it and Miles love-- woah. that's a new emotion. what the fuck is up with that. So anyway Miles realizes that he has some less than platonic feelings and he wants to run back to Europe and his therapist and figure out what it all means, but above all Wright is his Friend dammit and he owes him so much. But on Phoenix's side, he sees how far Edgeworth is offering to go and he turns down all of the things that would cause Miles's life to be disrupted. He does accept the knowledge and shoulder to lean on that Edgeworth offers, but Edgeworth doesn't need to move continents or anything. Besides he has Kristoph here to help. And Miles kind of hates all of this situation, but he knows that he truly doesn't have the kind of knowledge and pull to really be of service not to mention his new discovery is not doing his health any favors. So he goes back to Germany and Phoenix stays with Kristoph.

Now Miles is in Germany figuring out how to manage complex emotions and romantic relationships, while Phoenix is working with Kristoph, who becomes Kris, who could maybe be more except Phoenix isn't sure it would be fair to him since he has become more than a little hung up on Edgeworth since he came back from Europe. And because when Edgeworth asks him to Europe he jumps with no forethought. He gets Kris to watch Trucy and jets off to spend time with Miles. They do their amazing duo routine and Edgeworth comes away from the encounter knowing that yes, he very much would like a romantic relationship with Phoenix. Okay. Now how to go about it. Meanwhile Phoenix gets back and sees Trucy and this is when he realizes that Kristoph is dirty. Trucy tells him about something she saw while she stayed with him and something clicks and Phoenix has a mild breakdown because of how much danger he just realizes she might be in. He calls Miles at some point during this and Miles talks him down. He falls asleep and in the morning he doesn't shave. He smiles and gets Trucy to school, then sits in the office and tries to figure out where he goes from here. That afternoon there is knock at the door.

Miles Edgeworth does nothing half way and has flown to Phoenix just to be able to help him figure out the next steps and comfort him. Phoenix is officially gone for this man. The two talk and scheme and eventually hatch their mad plan to rebuild the entire fucking system. Miles will use his distance to research and provide information, Phoenix will keep an eye on Kristoph and start building what he can here. In all of this Trucy's safety comes up. Phoenix actually considers sending her with Miles. Miles puts that idea to a stop real quick, though he does mention doing more visits and such. Trucy is very happy to hear about this and demands to go every time. Phoenix says something along the lines of it being more expensive for two people to fly and joking that it would be cheaper if they just let him keep her in his suitcase. This is how Miles Edgeworth returns to Germany with a solid plan for the future and one Magician more than planned. Trucy obviously sneaks into his luggage and somehow makes it with him to Germany. In doing so she finds the badge in his bag, and despite the intense scolding she gets, the two are finally able to really connect and bond as Miles opens up to her a bit about his Father and what he has gone through.

Eventually Trucy gets back where she belongs and despite a few more hijinks over the years things progress via canon. Edgeworth and Phoenix have both accepted their feelings but have yet to act on them as neither is in a position to properly be with the other as they wish. So they flirt and argue and love each other intensely as only the best of friends and trauma buddies can. It all pays off and Kristoph is arrested. Phoenix is innocent, but he is unsure about going back into law. In this case, Kris was kinda the last proof of where blind belief will get you and it isn't just a façade, Phoenix is a lot bitter at the larger world and himself. So he isn't in the greatest place mentally, and Edgeworth sees it. And for the first time he thinks about reaching out to someone. Especially because this is Phoenix not just a random stranger on a plane. Then he finds he has the option to take the Chief Prosecutor position, and he finds himself staring at his Father's badge. He thinks on the years and his growth, and he talks with his therapist. And he decides to move. He takes the new position and seeing Phoenix struggle so close he finally shares about therapy. Not all of it. Nothing really just that he goes and has since the year-they-do-not-speak-of and that he is looking for a new one in the city and maybe Phoenix would like to help him. Because he values Phoenix and his opinions. Phoenix does eventually wind up in a therapists office and it is a mess, but it helps.

The two reconnect more strongly than ever and shortly thereafter Phoenix agrees to take the Bar again. Miles supports him in this and watches as he struggles and groans but makes it through. And at the same time he watches him heal a bit from the atrocities of the past 7 years. When Phoenix passes he is over-joyed and that night finds him holding his Father's badge and slowly thinking. Turning the idea over and over he can't bring himself to ignore it. He walks up to Phoenix in the office the next day and with all the drama of a marriage proposal give Phoenix his Father's badge. Apollo starts to realize exactly what sort of shit he signed up for. Especially when Miles turns up a couple weeks later and attempts to strangle Phoenix with his own tie and demands having the badge back because What The Fuck. An Orca. You Absolute Dumbass.

This is the point where my ideas dry up. Because where I leave them is pining idiots that are actually doing pretty ok. I figure they eventually get their shit together, but only after inflicting immense suffering on their co-workers and the legal system as a whole with their obvious pining and flirting. I barely know Apollo but watching him suffer is just more amusing than it should be. Also Miles is Autistic and it actually is part of what allows him to bond with Trucy.

#ace attorney #narumitsu #wrightworth #holy hell #what the actual fuck.#this was just like #bouncing in my brain for a few weeks and wouldn't leave #why is it so much #maybe #i feel like i blacked out #seriously #what the fuck #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright

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my-writings-and-musings · 4 years

Note

For the bot reader sparkling prompt what about Swerve and or Whirl? (I’m especially curious about Whirl’s reaction if the (or one) of the sparkling(s) resembles him pre-empurata) I would toss a possible Misfire in there too but I don’t think he’s a bot you usually do.

Hope you're ready for FEELS and CUTE SPARKLINGS because that's absolutely my favorite combo anon! Plus I'd always liked the Scavengers but never really looked into their appearance in the comic until now, and thank you for giving me the impetus to learn about the chaotic but still lovable gaggle of misfits.

Swerve

·He's admittedly been on a whole new level of euphoria since the two of you started dating, but the moment he found out you were gonna be Creators he more or less ascended. Every scan nearly brings him to tears and he keeps all the pictures on him wherever he goes, so any bot that comes near will be ambushed by a flood of bragging and a veritable album of a bitlet that hasn't even been born yet. Suffice to say that when it was finally time to meet your little bundle, he was emotional, though for your sake he remained a surprisingly steadfast and supportive partner through the entire emergence. But the moment he laid his visor on that squawling little bitlet...

·"Tears" aren't quite sufficient to describe the waterfall that poured from his visor, but thankfully the staff was quite accustomed to such reactions and smoothly checked over the newborn before handing them back to their new parents. As a metallurgist for a species made of metal that's at it's most vulnerable after birth, he's actually been present for a few sparklings entering the world to provide potential care for those considered high risk, but nothing could have prepared him for seeing your beautiful new bitlet in person.

·Between praising you and the beeb he can hardly get a coherent word out through the blubbering, but his awe and adoration is still clear as day. You made a whole new bot, and now they're here, and they're the most amazing little sparkling the planet has ever seen! Every feature of yours or his that he sees gets him crying anew, and he can't possibly fathom what he's done to deserve any of these blessings. Countless photos of their first few hours are accumulated to join his collection in addition to being shared via intergalactic Wi-Fi to every friend you have.

·When your chosen visitors arrive he's absolutely effusive with his praise of you and the beeb. Do they see this bitlet? Have any of them ever seen anything this precious in all of history?! His Conjunx made them isn't that the most amazing thing in the entire galaxy like how did they even do that?! Even bots who know him well are amazed by how genuinely tender and affectionate he is, as there's not a joke to be heard from him even once. Truthfully he can't think of anything funny about this at all, except maybe how even the tougher bots that visit absolutely melt when they see the sweet little face of a newborn amidst a bundle of blankets, but he can't really blame them now can he?

·Despite all of his joy for the two of you being Creators, when it's just you and him and the sparkling again, he's quite hesitant to ask if he can hold them. He's held them before in the rush of the moment, but here in the still and calm... It worries him. There's so much caution in his grip when he takes them into a gentle cradle, his bulky arms easily supporting the tiny weight despite how unnaturally heavy they feel. There's a flash of worry for all the chances he'll have to mess up, but that disappears when a little fist pops free of the blanket and into the bitlets mouth, where they contentedly suckle on it in the most adorable display he's ever beheld. Somehow he knows it will be okay in that moment, because he'll never let anything happen to you or your new little addition.

Whirl

·His reaction to his own prospective sirehood was a near perfect example of internal screaming beneath a veneer of calm. Of course he wasn't necessarily surprised, and he loved you more than anything in any universe, but... you've met him, right? Sure, you fragged him, but have you paid attention to the kind of bot he is? Do you really want any of this around a sparkling, or remixed into one? Admittedly he hadn't had an argument for your simple "yes" in reply, and to the day your little bitlet arrives he still can't think of a rebuttal, beyond how his claws don't give you much of a hand to hold or provide good massages.

·Somehow the entire process manages to be Unicron levels of unthinkable horror and awe inspiring beautiful wonder at the exact same time, and his attitude is even more varied as a result. There are moments he's the calm partner whispering sweet nothings, the aggressive coach shouting for you to kick labor's ass, the panicking wimp who refuses to believe the body parts he's seeing belong where they are, and the petrified but dutiful sire-to-be frozen in horror while you hold onto him for dear life. Thankfully he manages to reign it all in once the two of you have a newly minted bitlet wailing in the real world.

·He'd expected to be awed, but also knew to brace for seeing a bundle that... didn't much resemble his current self, due to Empurata not affecting genetics, but he never could have prepared himself for the reality. One look at this tiny and flawless little accident and he comes embarrassingly close to fainting, his long legs folding into a chair some brilliant medic was smart enough to push beside the bed, and his optic growing misty as he beholds you and the whole new person you made. There's awe at the fact he contributed to making something unbelievably perfect, happiness for a million reasons he doesn't care to comprehend, but also... sadness. A face he'd never thought he would see again is looking up at him with the biggest and most innocent pair of optics, all while a tiny mouth nibbles on a pair of servos so like the ones he had taken from him.

·He should be... angry, maybe? Old Whirl would have been angry, furious at the Functionists for ruining so much, but he just doesn't feel it. The sadness in his spark isn't even for him, it's for this little one who will grow up and eventually figure out why his sire looks the way he does, and all the pain that may cause a bot who never did anything to anyone... But that feeling is so small it's quickly swept away so he can feel what he actually wants to feel, and he wants to feel happy damn it! You and he have a bitlet, and a pretty good one as far as bitlets go! Heavy stuff can be addressed later, the two of you get to enjoy this with friends! There's precious few bots he trusts enough to visit, but those that make the cut are welcomed and invited to pay respects to the cutest sparkling ever born and the bot who squeezed them out. He has to fight incredibly hard to keep from shedding happy tears, but seeing so many of his friends coo over this tiny miracle strains his emotional reservation to the limits.

·For all the love he has for the little one, and all his progress in accepting himself, he still hasn't held them by the time night is settling and you're in need of rest. Only your obvious exhaustion and his protective nature compels him to finally accept the sleeping sparkling, and even then he's a wreck on the inside, his spark all but crackling with anxiety as the delicate beeb is laid in his arms while he stays carefully seated. Nothing could have made him understand just how tiny this little guy was until this moment. As you drift off, he tempts fate and holds out the tip of a careful claw, not daring to ventilate as he gently adjusts some blankets for a better look. Something like abject terror shoots through him as a stubby hand takes hold of him, but he doesn't move, and the little one only coos and keeps his solid little grip. At that he lets himself cry just a little. Nothing will ever hurt you or this tiny gift so long as he lives, and he won't let anything past present or future ruin the happiness you've made together.

Misfire

·His whole life he's had a soft spot for things that need caring for, but every time he's found something or someone to take care of he's told himself all he really cares about is the potential benefit for him. Recent events have forced him to admit that there's a soft spark under his... business savvy ways. Finding out he'd be a sire though? That was an entirely new level of self discovery, because he's absolutely thrilled and has no logical reason why. He quickly has to tell the rest of the Scavengers, which becomes daily updates on everything sparkling related, so even his close collection of friends is admittedly a little relieved when the bitlet finally arrives and they can meet them. Thankfully none of them were there to see him faint on more than one occasion during the delivery, but he does have to make up a story about the dents on his head when he calls to give the announcement that their newest Scavenger has arrived, claiming that he got them in a heroic dive to save the bitlet when they were still slippery and dropped by a medic.

·While never one to be too mushy, he's made incredibly sappy just by the sight of the new little bitlet when they finally end up clean and swaddled in your arms. All across the little one's features are pieces of him that he recognizes on the spot. Blended perfectly with those are obvious signs of you, creating a whole new being who's got some of you both while still existing as their own unique little wonder. It defies all logic and yet he's so happy he can't really bring himself to care. From their optics to their stubby hands to their impossibly cute little pedes they're already the most perfect being to ever come into existence, making them tied with his Creators for perfection, and no bot is ever going to be able to convince him otherwise on that undeniable fact. But, for the sake of the moment he does have to wonder; does this sparkling yet realize how attractive they're going to be?

·The group is getting a million messages a minute from the new sire as they head over to see the newest addition, and when they finally arrive he does everything he can to present the little beeb with a proper introduction but can't stop getting misty optics and sniffling the whole time. Thankfully the Scavengers are an understanding bunch. Every one of them welcomes their new teammate with a carefully observant Misfire there to ensure they don't risk any kind of damage to the bitlet. Not that he doesn't trust them, but he does know them, so... None of them take it personally. Nickel is spared this oversight, of course, being a responsible bot and a medic more than capable of holding even a proportionally sizable sparkling. One she informs the new Creators is very cute in her proffesional opinion.

·Grimlock gets a special little moment with the new Sire, specifically one in which he gets to truly see how far he's come with his little adopted family now that it's started to grow. Misfire is fully trusting as he hands over the snoozing bitlet, and while the Dinobot is beyond touched, he does indeed hesitate just the tiniest bit. Gigantic servos absolutely dwarf the sparkling when they're settled within. Despite what any bot walking into the room might think, Misfire knows that at this very moment his bitlet is more or less in the safest place in the universe. They seem to be at least somewhat aware of this, as their little tubby cheeks lift up in a smile when they behold the gigantic bot looking down on them, a sight so unimaginably adorable it makes every bot present shed at least a single tear.

·When the rest of the group heads out after leaving a mountain of gifts in their wake, Misfire happily takes the beeb so you can get some sleep, because he at least got some rest when he passed out during emergence. Holding his little one with just the tiniest hint of uncertainty, he spends the night mostly chatting with them in a fully one sided whisper conversation, though he does occasionally get a tiny sound from the sparkling he'll swear is a coherent reply. Understandably, this little one has a lot to catch up on though. He can't help smiling at the thought of all the adventures he's going to be able to brag about to them, and how many you'll all have together once this little one is up and finally walking. There's so much he'll have to teach them too, and somehow that excites him more, knowing you and he will get to help shape this little wonder into the most amazing bot that's ever lived...

#transformers #more than meets the eye #mtmte #idw #maccadam #tf #lost light #my writing #my asks #anon #swerve x reader #whirl x reader #misfire x reader #scavengers #transformers sparklings #bot reader #self insert #requests

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takaraphoenix · 4 years

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Trying to put thoughts from a conversation on Discord yesterday into a coherent post. About another danger of the fandom purity cult, one that I’ve not really seen addressed yet.

The big danger, aside from the attempts at censorship, is the vilification of everything that isn’t 100% pure, despite just how impossibly ridiculous that is because not all media can be a fluffy coffeeshop AU.

But there’s a consequential danger that comes from that. It’s when the people of the purity cult themselves start shipping impure things.

Because their warped perception doesn’t allow them to ship impure things and instead of... just... not shipping that impure thing, they do brain gymnastics to justify why their ship, that is completely in line with the vile things they condemn in other ships, is actually pure, healthy and unproblematic.

I ship a lot of fucked up things, I know a lot of people who ship a lot of fucked up things, and usually there is different mentalities behind it - “this is so fucked up, I love it despite that”, for say the potential “what if” of how something could have turned differently, or maybe it used to be less fucked up before things took a turn, or there is a hope of redemption in the future, whatever, or it’s “this is so fucked up, I love it because of that”, because it’s fun to enjoy twisted, weird things. Because it’s fiction.

But this take of “I love it, therefore it can’t be fucked up” is... quite frankly... way more unhealthy than anyone comfortably engaging with fucked up things and being aware of the content they’re consuming. And it becomes dangerous when those people start publicly defending it, with voices of “authority”.

I’ve now seen it multiple times on ships where their canon relationship to each other is toxic and abusive and shippers defending it with “I am a therapist/psychiatrist/social worker and I work with real abuse cases and you see this isn’t abuse!” - and that’s where the danger lays. Because those people are really out there, pointing out how abusive storylines aren’t actually portrayals of abuse (and their, as I assume fake, claims of working with real abuse victims put aside, because that’s a horrifying thought all on its own), which might just make real people who are in real relationships that mirror the behaviorial patterns shown in these narratives think “oh... so I’m not being abused, this person clearly has authority on what real abuse is, I’m just blowing this out of proportions”.

I’m not saying - will never say - that any of those people have to stop shipping that fucked up thing they like. Go on, have fun with it, live in that AU where the abuser doesn’t abuse their victim, live in that canon divergent where there is a happy ending, or... if that floats your boat, dive right into the narrative as is. Because it’s fiction.

But the moment you start treating fiction as reality and start claiming that that fucked up shit you enjoy in fiction is actually not that bad because you, a professional in the real world dealing with real abuse victims, can assure that this behavior between partners would not qualify as abuse, that’s when things get really fucked up.

And... the thing that really rubs me the wrong way about it is the hypocrisy? Because usually, the same people who justify why they, as professionals, deem this behavior as normal and non-abusive between that queer ship they like will have a post, just a couple scrolls down, where they call a straight relationship abusive because the guy raised his voice once two seasons ago...

So, I can’t believe that this is still needed in the year 2020 but I guess some people really still need the Pronoun Test on their abusive storylines, huh?

If you can’t see the problem, then try this neat litte test! Take the character people call abusive and use the pronoun “he” and then take the character people call their victim and use the pronoun “she”. Now go through the plot - if your memory fails you, consult wikipedia - and see if it still doesn’t bother you.

Have an example of the Pronoun Test, on the very narratives that I have seen defended as “not actual abuse, I know, I’m a professional!”, broken down into the skeleton behavior between the characters:

He deliberately manipulated her emotionally. They have a years long bond that he is using against her. She holds back because of that. He never pulls his punches because of that. Both physically and emotionally. There is both physical and emotional violence being inflicted by him; she fights back when he attacks first, but she never goes against him first and she always pulls her punches. She still hopes he’ll stop. He doesn’t. And he repeatedly lets her know that that’s her fault, that she pushed him to do this.

I’m not a therapist/psychiatrist/social worker, but... I really, genuinely don’t think I have to be to see that this isn’t just... banter, or a bad phase, or even a normal “villain/hero” dynamic - because the hero doesn’t pull their punches and the hero fights the villain on their own account too. If you take this dynamic and project it onto anything, it’s your Domestic Violence 101 case.

And, let me stress this once more, go and have fun with that fucked up shit you enjoy! Because it’s fiction. But how are you going around, defending this exact canon dynamic as not being toxic, unhealthy and abusive, based on you being a “professional” who can give a certified stamp of “this behavior is not abusive, it is not abusive in the real world so it is not abusive in this fictional ship so I am allowed to ship this!” - what in the world is wrong with you?

Just be like any other weirdo and enjoy your problematic faves, problems and all. You don’t need a justification to ship it! It doesn’t have to be pure and healthy! You don’t need to take an abusive narrative and twist it around with words of your (fake) authority to deem them unproblematic so you can be “allowed” to ship it! You don’t need to justify their behavior! They’re fictional characters.

The purity cult goes around pretending that pro-shippers would condone the fucked-up actions of their problematic faves in the real world while they themselves literally go around loudly proclaiming that they, in fact, do condone the fucked-up actions of their problematic faves and it blows my mind.

#Purity Culture #Shipping #Fandom Problems #I just-- this baffles me #you don't NEED to twist #your thing to be pure #and you REALLY don't need #to pretend that that thing would be #pure and healthy and good #if it were real #this take genuinely terrifies me #just enjoy your fiction and calm down??

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sillyguyhotline · 4 years

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thoughts about the first trials

hi!! i was thinking about the first trials recently and what they could be testing/how they relate to the characters, so i’m going to talk about them a little bit! just to clarify, i won’t be talking abt the trials for the characters whose trials are unknown (reko, gin, kai) or those for whom i don’t have enough context or genuinely have no ideas for (ranmaru, anzu, mai, haysaka).

Sara, Joe, Mishima, Nao, Kugie, Kanna

I lumped these together because they all have the same premise, but I do think that some of them might have different motivations. Kanna’s and Mishima’s, I believe, were intended to get the non-candidates killed off. We know that Kanna’s bed was the one the key unlocked, and for the sake of this I’m going to assume that Mishima’s was the first unlocked as well (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). The non-candidates mean nothing to the Death Game organizers, and this is an easy way to incorporate them into a candidate’s first trial and get them killed if things go wrong. For Joe and Sara, though, I think it was different. I believe that it was meant to test Sara’s ability to put her trust in the other members of the game, starting with the most trustworthy character: her best friend. The game physically does not let you choose to take the key for yourself, and in the manga Sara deliberates over this for awhile before ultimately deciding to trust Joe. The clear difference between 15.5% Sara and 0.0% Shin is that Sara gathers the group’s trust and that Shin distinguishes himself as a loner... and their first trials respectively set this up well. I believe that Sara’s first trial was meant to set Sara up as someone who is willing to put her life in others’ hands and trust them in order to survive, whether or not this is fully true. I also think, for reasons I’ve stated before, that Joe may have been considered more important to the Death Game than the other non-candidates; there has to be a reason why he has an AI when the others don’t.

Shin

I touched on this in the previous paragraph, and we all already know how central Shin’s First Trial is to his character, but it is the straw that broke the camel’s back. AI Shin seems to have been a very gentle and innocent person, characterized by his weakness and his fear of Midori, and I believe that telling Shin he has no chance of survival forced him to relinquish the weakness and compassion that characterized him at one point. His first trial made him lose all the trust he had in others, the trust that had been beaten down for so long, and it distinctly set him apart from Sara and made him see her as an enemy. Shin and Sara are marvelous foil characters, but I think that they’re only foil characters because they were directly influenced into being that way. Shin has the potential to be self-sacrificial and only acted vicious out of panic, and Sara has the potential to be quite selfish. Shin’s trial was intended to break him and force him to embody that 0.0%.

Keiji and Megumi

I really don’t think Megumi was ever really intended to survive this trial. We don’t know exactly what went on with this, but it seems as though Keiji had the choice between pressing a button to save her or letting her die... and he chose the latter. I think this was intended to test how far Keiji’s trauma and willingness to trust and forgive extended. After all, Keiji’s showdown with Midori revolves around him “confronting his trauma” and “getting over his trauma.” It’s clearly influenced who he is today and it’s key to most of those decisions, so I think that it was meant to test how much it still affected him and (consequently) what potential he had to hurt those around him or hurt himself as a result of it.

Alice + Hinako (?)

Okay, so I know that as of 3-1a this hasn’t been confirmed yet, but I’m pretty damn sure Alice and Hinako’s trials were the ones in the connected room. It would make sense with how Alice remarks on recognizing the room, and how Hinako (presumably) was hanging in the air during her victim video. As with the other trials, it seems to test trust, most notably self-preservation. With what we can tell from Alice, he’s a person who is very compassionate to the people he’s close to but also values himself and his own safety highly. This is a very distinct contrast to Hinako, who seemed to be suicidal and thanked Ranger for killing her. Perhaps it was an easy way to get Hinako killed off, or it was a test of what happens when two people with very different values of their lives become reliant on each other to survive.

Q-taro

Q-taro’s trial puzzles me, because it presently appears to be the only First Trial that occurred for an extended period of time. Perhaps there will be one that continued past the ending of the others’ that we were unaware of? I’m not fully sure what it was meant to test, but I think it might be significant that they took the character who is incredibly adamant about playing by the rules and made him set up the cards without knowing what the rules were. Or, perhaps he was told what the rules were and he had to deal with the moral dilemma of setting the cards out in a way that could influence who died... but was technically still abiding by the rules?

Naomichi

Naomichi’s seems pretty simple- it looks like he had to run between a pair of closing walls to press a button. I honestly think that his was meant to test his strength and endurance; he has the second highest survival rate, and from what we can tell he’s not particularly cunning or clever. He probably got that rate because of how his strength and physical prowess correspond to his survivability, honestly, and his First Trial was meant to test how far that strength went.

(as a final note at the end, ik i wasn’t going to cover Hayasaka, but it’s entirely -possible that he and Megumi were both put in unsurvivable First Trials because they had too much critical information on ASUNARO. He clearly did research on the candidates beforehand, and Megumi seemed to be complicit in the ASUNARO-related corruption in the police force. Her trial was definitely biased against her; as for his, I can’t say. Either way, it would make sense if they were intended to die from the start because they knew too much. Thanks for reading, hope this was coherent lmao)

#i always dread that im writing stuff that's painfully obvious or that people have already said a million times before #but here i am anyway #the brainrot got to me #yttd #your turn to die #kimi ga shine #sara chidouin #shin tsukimi #keiji shinogi #qtaro burgerberg #naomichi kurumada

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bartramcat · 4 years

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CSI/GSR: A Long Strange Analysis From San Francisco to Grave Danger

(This is way too long and all over the map. Nor do I think it’s necessarily coherent, but it’s kind of my stream of consciousness overview of the first 5 seasons of GSR, mainly first impressions, slightly refined. Well, as Alex Trebek always said: go with your first instinct.)

So when I decided to rewatch Sex, Lies and Larvae recently, I found myself having a rather surprising reaction to the GSR dynamic therein. Sara came across to me as incredibly young in that episode, so much so that I decided that was one reason, of many, why I was glad they didn't get them together from the get-go. Well, actually, for most of the first 2 seasons, she seems too young to be an equal partner in a relationship with Grissom. That doesn't mean I think they weren't in love at that point, only that perhaps she had some growing up to do first. Actually, they both did.

Grissom and Sara are an interesting case in that they both suffer from a similar affliction common in the exceptionally bright: their intellects are so far ahead of their peers that they rarely have any way to relate to them. Certainly not emotionally. The first thing to be sacrificed on the altar of intellectuality is emotional development and well-being. Toss in the horrific childhood Sara had and the silent one for Grissom, and you have a cocktail for arrested development. As long as they are operating on an intellectual plane, they are in their element. Put them in an interpersonal one, and they flounder like fish out of water.

By the time Grissom meets Sara, it is fairly clear he has found one way to relate to others: as teacher and/or mentor. It is in fact his most common relationship with all of those in his circle. It is also his initial dynamic with Sara, elements of which remain for the duration of their love story. It is for him a perfect construct: he can take personal pride and pleasure in their development as CSIs, but, at the same time, maintain that professorial distance, dissuading them from even attempting to fathom the man behind the intellectual mask. He is an enigma, an eccentric, whose mind works in mysterious ways. They admire him, respect him, possibly even love him, but they do not know him.

(I've always thought a good deal of their shock at learning he was in love with Sara stemmed not only from the fact that he was in love with Sara but from the fact that he was in love. With anyone.)

In Pledging Mr. Johnson, Catherine gives us insight into how Grissom lives his life and how they view him:

CATHERINE: You're right, you know. I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo, watching Discovery on the big screen, working genius-level crossword puzzles. But no relationships, no chance any will slop over into a case. Yeah, right. I want to be just like you.

GRISSOM: Technically it's a townhouse. And the crosswords are advanced, not genius. But you're right, I'm deficient in a lot of ways. But I never screw up one of my cases with personal stuff.

CATHERINE: Grissom... WHAT personal stuff?

But Sara sees beneath the mask. It’s as if she knows intuitively there’s more to him than meets the eye. In San Francisco, did he show her a side to himself that no one else ever saw? Outside of Vegas, was he able to be a little more open with this inquisitive and very bright young woman? Was he instinctively more comfortable and trusting with her? Did they have a quasi-romantic relationship? We know they fell in love, but as to how far they took things, we'll never know.

Grissom had several qualms regarding a romantic relationship with Sara, not the least of which is the age difference. He genuinely believed that if he gave himself over to her completely that she would throw him over someday. That she would come to see him as old and unworthy and “deficient,” and he would be lost. I'm not entirely sure his fear of ultimate rejection began when she came to Vegas, even if they had previously consummated their relationship in SF. Of course, once she did come to Vegas, they both had a problem. She obviously thought their relationship was going to go forward, whereas he became aware that it couldn't without putting his job in jeopardy. Whether he brought her to Vegas thinking they could be/become lovers is again purely speculative. With Grissom however there is always the dichotomy between what he thinks and what he feels, especially where Sara is concerned. What we do know is that once he had her there he didn't want her to leave.

We know from his own words that she was the only woman he ever loved and that he found sex without love pointless. So, of course, the one person who becomes the one and only object of both his love and his desire is Forbidden Fruit. On all sorts of levels, objective and subjective.

While there is always an element of mentor/mentee in GSR, even including their very last "date" together, playing with the colored bees, I think the fundamental difference between the way he relates to Sara and everyone else is that he is more sharing his world with her than simply teaching her about it. That we learn that he gave her an entomology textbook for Christmas says...so much. Yet in episodes like SLAL, she comes across as a little too much the eager student, the subordinate, and not the perfect life partner for him she grew into. Perhaps he saw it too, reinforcing his fear that he had no business loving this young woman who would one day only see him as a pathetic old man. (Or worse: what she felt for him was no more than a temporary crush of a student on her teacher.)

One of the things the great love stories tend to have in common is that the 2 lovers usually have to go through life experiences, or "tests," in order to "earn" the other person. Since I see GSR as a Salvation rather than a Redemption love story, it's not a matter of them somehow becoming more moral people in order to be together. Rather, I think it's more a matter of their both growing and growing up.

There are several instances of gender reversal in their relationship, and I'm referring to traditional sexual behavior in fiction. Usually, it is the female in the relationship who turns the male down sexually. Seeing the relationship going nowhere, he is the one who is more likely to get involved in a casual relationship to meet his sexual needs. In GSR, it is Sara who goes outside the relationship. She gets involved with Hank, the guy who is like watching paint dry. We know Sara has serious self-esteem issues; being rejected by Grissom after she was so sure he wanted her as much as she wanted him didn't help. So, at his suggestion, she gets a life, unaware that fucking another guy was not exactly what he meant. It damn near kills him; he can't even look at her. At the same time, his life is on a downward spiral: he is going deaf. He thinks he has nothing to offer her, but he uses the job to try to come between them. To keep her away from Hank, unaware that all he ever had to do was say the word, and she would have dropped Hank faster than yesterday's crossword.

Of course, in Grissom's mind, he was no competition for Hank, when, in reality, Hank was never real competition for him, if he had been able to come to terms with his feelings for Sara and act on them. I do think the Hank episode was important for both of them. For the first time Grissom had to confront the possibility he really could lose her forever by keeping their relationship purely on his terms, and Sara learned that no matter how much she tried to get a life that Grissom would always be number one in her heart.

The end of season 3 is the beginning of the first dark period for Sara. She learns that her attempt to get a life outside of her love for Grissom is an abysmal failure. While dating Hank never comes close to changing her love for Grissom, at least it was a way to keep her from moping around her apartment waiting for the man who was never going to show up. Then she discovers she's the other woman, Hank's side girl. Not that I think she was ever broken-hearted over ending it with him in any life-changing way, but she was humiliated. It sort of reinforced her idea that she was never good enough, even for a non-entity like Hank. So how could she ever be good enough for the man who was her ideal, her one and only, whom she had loved instantly and always? And, again, he turns her down.

Season 4 is what lays the groundwork for both of them to grow up. The first half of the season is the fallout from her offering and his rejecting her. The second half is her discovering he did, in fact, have feelings for her, had considered her as a potential second chance, only to place his job above any chance of happiness with her. That she was not worth taking a risk. It really is fairly amazing she didn't just say I'm outta here and go back to SF at that point.

While the two of them continue to dance around the central issue between them, in season 4 it seems that Sara is taking Grissom's own approach to things: she wants to advance in her profession. I've always been of the opinion that the reason Grissom chose Nick over Sara for the promotion was that he thought choosing Sara would be an act of favoritism on his part. He knew deep down inside he was in love with her, but he had to prove to himself that he could be objective where she was concerned. (His reasons for choosing Nick smack of rationalization.) Sara reads it as his way of continuing to punish her, as well as making it seem that she isn't good enough on any level, personal or professional, for Grissom. By the end of Season 4, she hits rock bottom. She came to Vegas for a man she can't have and for a job she can't advance in, ironically, because of that same man.

While Nesting Dolls is the episode that most directly makes the GSR love affair possible, I actually think the last scene of Bloodlines is what makes that episode possible. I have always felt that when he saw her sitting there humiliated that he realized 2 things: one was that no matter how much he denied it, he loved her, and the other was that by pushing her away that he was hurting both of them.

In order for Grissom to grow up, that is what he had to learn: that a love relationship has to work for both parties. While he could derive a certain amount of contentment simply by being in her orbit, his self-denial of a more complete (both physical and emotional) relationship was also a refusal to give Sara what she needed. The entire 4th season is quite convoluted in terms of Grissom's psyche where Sara is concerned. On the one hand, we are finally given verbal entree into the fact that he is indeed in love with Sara in Butterflied. At the same time, he truly believes he has blown his chance with her, and he distances himself from her. Yet somewhere between the end of Season 4 and the beginning of Season 5 he seems to have come to a decision that she is worth the risk.

And even though we are not given privy to his epiphany in any concrete "aha" moment, his behavior towards Sara changes. It is almost as if he has finally realized that love is always a risk, and that to truly love someone is not some idealized romantic concept but a give and take between two people. While he may still believe that he is "too late" for them to have a "beautiful life" together, that doesn't mean he can't be there for her. To become emotionally available. To show her that he cares about her. To love her without reservation, and let the chips fall where they may.

There are several moments in season 5 pre ND when it seems to me that Grissom is actively wooing Sara--in his fashion. Let's face it, he really is 50 going on 15 when it comes to romance. I more than suspect that he was not the pursuer in his few sexual relationships. (Another reason the whole Teri Miller thing doesn't quite fit.) Even if you are in the camp of their having had a fully consummated relationship in SF, A La Cart tells us that, initially, it was Sara who pursued him. The difference, apparently, is that he didn't offer up much resistance. What we don't know is how far it went. Was it immediate impetuous sex and figure out the rest later, or a long slow romantic dance stopping just short of intercourse? Or some combination of both? What we do know is that the attraction was intellectual, emotional and physical. It was love at first sight.

As for Sara, she is somewhat the phoenix from the ashes in this part of the story. It's clear she came to Vegas under the assumption things would move forward with them. She has two responses when they don't, the first was to become an obsessive workaholic. Then, in an effort to get a life, she begins seeing another guy. Other than giving her a modicum of companionship and recreational sex, making her feel wanted on a superficial level, I highly doubt she got much out of dating Hank. She is absolutely obviously still in love with Grissom for the duration of that relationship. Once her distraction from her one true love ends, she decides to give it another shot with Grissom, but her timing couldn't be worse. While there is some indication she realized something was wrong with his hearing, it's clear that she is unaware of the seriousness of the situation. The irony of the scene in Play With Fire is that the 2 threats Grissom perceived to his career are intermingled within seconds: his potential loss of hearing and the girl he loves.

I've mentioned before that watching Sara spiral downward in season 4 is hard to watch. It must have seemed to her that she was thwarted at every turn...by Gil Grissom. The very bright are at an emotional disadvantage when it comes to interpersonal relationships. So much comes so easily to them that when relationships can't be intellectually analyzed into working out they feel as if they are utter failures. Clearly, Sara is fighting feelings of worthlessness throughout the season. Okay, the guy rejected me. I'll put my head down and concentrate on my work. Omigod the guy does have feelings for me, but they weren't strong enough for him to take a chance with me. Omigod, now I'm not even good enough for a promotion, despite my exemplary record and workaholic work ethic. It's more nuanced than that, especially in Jorja's portrayal.

Hitting rock bottom with the DUI was a wake up call for Sara. Ironically, it seems that while seeing Sara broken and humiliated was a strong impetus for Grissom to revisit his interactions with her, it also seems that it caused Sara to reevaluate her relationship with Grissom vis-a-vis what she was hoping to get out of her job. On some level, her entire time in Vegas has been an attempt to use her working for him as a way to woo him: Seeking "validation in inappropriate places." It is her most mature recognition. She is no longer angling to be his “star pupil” in an effort to win his love. Yes, she came to Vegas for Grissom. Yes, she's still in love with him, but she can't make him love her on her terms; still, she can't let all of that infuse their working relationship. It is almost as if she has accepted the same terms for their relationship as the one he has been living: to be completely in love with someone, knowing it will never be more than it is, and enjoying what there is instead of longing for what can’t be.

Ironically, it is perhaps in the very moment that she tells him that she recognizes that which ultimately gets her her man. I think she stuns him twice in Snakes, first by more or less telling him she was still in love with him, and then by walking away before he can respond to her. In many ways, it's an incredibly frustrating scene. Once again she puts herself out there, and, again, he blows it. He can't say what he wants to say, and, once more, it seems as if they are destined to dance around their love for one another. But there is a difference. This time he doesn't reject her. While he clearly cannot find the words, the scene reopens up all sorts of possibilities.

While I am not in the camp of their having had sex in the time gap in ND, I do believe a lot happened, quietly. I do think he stayed with her, possibly even took her to bed, chastely, holding her until she fell asleep. In other words, whatever happened between them in that interim was incredibly intimate from an emotional standpoint. She bared her soul to him, and he stayed. It's always been my gut feeling that her making herself so vulnerable to him is what enabled him, finally, to make himself vulnerable to her.

The thing these two characters have in common is that they really don't want people to know them. They both have secrets, and they develop parallel but different modes of self-protection, although both use intellectually as a prop in their methodology. Grissom tells Cassie James in The Hunger Artist that "Looking for things, analyzing them... trying to figure out the world--that's a life." He shields himself with the "shell around his heart." When, suddenly, he has this cornucopia of feelings, which include sexual desire, for this young woman, he doesn't know how to deal with it. She makes him vulnerable because she makes him feel. His only self-protection is self-denial: he cannot let himself love this girl because he could lose himself in the love of her. As long as he keeps her at arm's length, she cannot reject him: if he never has her, he can never lose her.

When Grissom tells Heather he learned to love someone, I think he was speaking specifically to the moment he decided that loving Sara was not just about recognizing that he loved her but the realization that love was about taking risks, not in terms of his job but in terms of making himself vulnerable to her. Showing her he cared about her, wanting to be with her in an all-encompassing romantic relationship. By choosing to get involved with her, even if he never said it directly, he was telling her she was worth the risk, not only to his career but to everything he had carefully crafted in his psyche to keep himself safe from emotion, from the potential heartbreak of love.

My read on when and how they got together is pretty eccentric in the head canon world. For one, I think it happened much more quickly after ND than most folks, at least the sexual part of it, nor do I think it just happened. I think Grissom decided it was "now or never." That he found himself at her door on some Sunday morning or afternoon to see what would happen, because, finally, he was ready to throw caution to the wind, to take a chance. To allow himself to love.

I confess that the first time I saw ND I was convinced they made love in the time gap, especially given the double entendre in Grissom's defiant speech to Ecklie. Not to mention his flushed appearance. The problem is that I think Grissom would have seen it as taking advantage of her vulnerability. On the other hand, it makes no sense to me that after she returned from her suspension that he would wait until after the terror of either Committed or Grave Danger. I think the cumulative effect of Snakes and ND was more than enough to make him seize the day.

I realize the most popular reads are that either almost losing Sara in Committed or Nick in GD is what made him realize life is short, so he shouldn't waste any more time. I prefer internally vs externally driven epiphanies. IOW I prefer believing that whenever they got together that it had more to do with Grissom's emotional evolution than by some external traumatic event. It also seems to be a little too cliched a plot device, as well as somehow selling the character short. Maybe I’ve seen too many soaps where the big sweeps tragedy is what causes people to “find” each other. ND is sort of a traumatic event, but it is more of a recounting of one, and it represents an incredible turning point between them. Short version is that it is all about trust and emotional intimacy.

I suppose the other thing is that after ND if he were to go back into romantic Hamlet mode that he may actually have made the same mistake all over again. That, no matter how comforting he may have seemed during her confession, he might have given her the impression that he was again pulling back from her: that nothing had changed. And I just cannot believe at that moment in time he was going to let that happen. Lest we forget, he had already thought he'd lost her twice: when he found out about Hank and when he had rejected her in PWF.

I suspect ND made him know that he wanted to take care of her, but I don't mean in the traditional man taking care of woman way, but more in terms of meeting her emotional needs. Showing her that he loved her, by wanting to be with her, no matter the risks to career, to self. By trusting her as she trusted him. Sex can have all sorts of metaphoric implications, but, as Grissom himself says, it is an opportunity for human connection. For a man as verbally inept as Grissom (when it comes to feelings), as well as one who believes in the inexorable link between love and sex, entering into a sexual relationship with Sara was doubtless to him his way to tell her he loved her.

As I've mentioned elsewhere, I don't think these two ever discussed their past relationships with each other. For both of them, none of them mattered, certainly not in comparison to what they felt for each other. Sara seemed to be under the impression that, like every other man, Grissom had sexual "needs," not necessarily relationships, but sex. Hence her surprise that he'd never paid for sex, despite living in Vegas for so long. Ironically, the fact that she seems to have had no idea before Ending Happy that his sexual selectivity was so narrow also may have contributed to her insecurities in their affair. While we are never given a time frame for when he decided that sex without love was pointless, there is strong evidence, even in parts of Season 1, that it was well before he ever met Sara.

I do think Grissom's atypical sexuality is tough for people to wrap their heads around, especially as a lead male character in a TV show. A lot of folks seem to think of course he would have sex with Catherine or Heather or Sofia if the opportunity presented itself. The way I see Grissom is that of course he wouldn't. With the exception of Sara, whom he loves romantically, when Grissom loves a woman (Heather, Catherine), he values the relationship as is, and it's all that he needs from it. For him, I think, to have sex with a woman he loves Platonically would in fact ruin that relationship. It would add an element he neither needed nor wanted, and he would feel that the particular bond would be altered, even destroyed.

The problem for Grissom is that what he felt for Sara terrified him. He had such a well-ordered life before the girl with the ponytail walked into his lecture. He didn't need close personal relationships; he didn't need sex. He had work and science and problem solving. He had his "students." And, boom, at 41, he's suddenly like a teenager in love. He thinks about her, he dreams about her, he feels love, experiences desire. He is out of his element. The sum total of his confusion is succinctly summed up when he tells her he doesn't know what to do about "this." And that "this" is the whole ball of everything Sara Sidle makes him feel. The stuff poets wrote about. The stuff he thought he'd never have, the stuff he couldn't even conceive he could ever even want. He wants it so much it paralyzes him. He cannot step over the line. And in that moment he is sure he has lost her forever.

And then he is given another chance, not because he has gotten down on his knees and begged her for one but because, after everything, after every attempt to distance himself from her so they could both move on, she is still there. After all the years of permutations and rejection and hurt, they are still in love. For not one moment since the day she walked into his lecture have they not been in love.

In Leave Out all the Rest, Sara says she “thought we could survive anything.” By the time they get together in Vegas, they have already survived a lot. They have intentionally and unintentionally hurt and rejected each other. She has tried to get a “life” completely devoid of him, and he has done his best to distance himself from her, despite his being drawn to her “like a moth to a flame.” Yet, despite all of this, the love they feel for one another has only deepened. They are, emotionally, already a couple, and they probably always have been, even if they didn’t know it.

All of which brings me back to the evolution of Gil and Sara as an actual couple. While I think they consummated their relationship within a short period after ND, (or reconsummated it if they had sex in SF), it's not that I think they fell into some sort of fully formed relationship. Hell, these two are babes in the woods when it comes to love and romance. I suspect they began a sexual relationship without taking the time to define what exactly it was, other than the fact that they both realized nobody could know about it. I doubt, initially, they discussed much having to do either with the depth of their feelings or where they hoped the relationship would go. Instead, it was probably primarily physical, although they may have begun to spend more and more time together, one or the other occasionally "sleeping over," or even sharing a meal or watching a movie together. (Ironically, if they did have a sexual encounter(s) in SF, I think a large part of the confusion in Vegas was probably because they never discussed feelings, fidelity, or a future. Despite the depth of what each felt, they probably both would have played it as casual.)

My read is that there was a significant turning point due to the events in Committed. There is no doubt Grissom was shaken when Adam Trent held the shard to her neck. He must have meditated on the potential cruel irony that almost was: after years of denying himself being with Sara that in an instant he almost lost her, irrevocably. While I doubt he dashed to her place and declared his overwhelming love to her, I certainly think it possible he said something along the lines of not being able to bear losing her, or, perhaps, if something had happened to her, he would miss her for the rest of his life. It was perhaps at that point they moved to the next level, with at least a tacit acknowledgement that they were, in fact, a couple and wanted more out of the relationship than sex. (It might be too neat of a play on words if the events of this episode caused them to admit they were in a "committed" relationship.)

To me the silly scene in Grave Danger between them is so telling. They are so open, relaxed with each other. They are intimate. The entire scene comes across as if they are in their own private bubble in the middle of the lab. One of the more fascinating and consistent narrative techniques employed by CSI with GSR is oppositional analogy. (An example is in Swap Meet, wherein we are told both Sara and Grissom are naturally monogamous within the context of wife swapping.) In Grave Danger, we see Grissom acting completely and unabashedly like an excited little kid with Sara. The sweet irony to me is that he has grown up. He has taken down the walls between them. He has let her in. And, suddenly, she seems not his eager student but more akin to a patient, adoring wife.

The beauty of GSR is that these are two convoluted, emotionally damaged people who get each other, the good and the bad, and love each other anyway. It is unconditional love. And it is selfless, often too much so. They want each other to be happy. The sad undercurrent is that, at times, each loses sight of the fact that each is the other's key to happiness. When rifts develop, it is not because of the faults they see in each other but because of those each sees in themselves.

#csi #csi: las vegas #gil grissom #sara sidle #sara x grissom #gsr #long post #mytext

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flying-elliska · 4 years

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Skam France Season 6 Review

It’s that time, I guess. My feelings are, like many, mixed. I think I enjoyed the season more than most people here, but the ending was a massive let down. Overall it boils down to this : Skam France is great at moments and very bad at structure. A lot of my issues with the season is what is not in it. I saw so much potential that never quite materialized, and it left me frustrated. At the same time, Lola is a really cool character, her arc is really interesting, her relationship with her sister is one of the best things they’ve ever done, and the actors killed it. Loved La Mif, discovering other sides of Eliott, the urbex backgrounds, and Maya. A lot of fascinating character moments. This is definitely my second favorite season after s3 - at times I even thought it would equal it. Sadly, though, Skam France will remain a bit of a one hit wonder for me. Because they are so good at bringing up problems in a nuanced layering way - be it addiction, grief, eating disorders, internalized ableism, racist microagressions - but when it comes to resolving what they brought up, they default towards a ‘let’s all be nice to each other, hug or kiss, love saves the day yay !’ story. Which is, when you claim to deal with real world issues, simplistic, immature, and at times quite offensive. It works for s3, which is at its core a tale of self-discovery, self-acceptance and romance. But niceness doesn’t solve racism, and family problems aren’t solved with a hug, and addiction recovery doesn’t hinge on having someone to kiss, and the series came dangerously close to implying that at times.

All in all, this is a show that often manages to be both brilliant and terrible at the same time. At least it’s not dull.

Positives/Negatives/Meh breakdown :

Positives :

- Sisterly love : My favorite thing without a doubt is the relationship between Lola and Daphné. Flavie and Lula killed it. Almost all the clips that made me cry were the ones with the both of them in it. At the beginning their rivalry is so relatable to me : the responsible sibling who takes on too much burdens and is too controlling and parentified vs. the problem sibling who acts out to express the issues the rest of the family are repressing - i have been in both of those spots. you can see how they slowly realize that the gap between them didn’t need to be there, that it wasn’t their fault, that it was the result of their parent’s bullshit and even shittier circumstances. seeing them make little gestures to recognize each other’s pain, to nurture each other, to give each other support, but also to tell each other some unpleasant truths, was so incredibly powerful. Relationships between sisters can be just so...complex, and loving, and petty, and jealous, and supportive, and feral, and annoying, and understanding, and ugh, they made me feel all of that and more. I have a sister, and I have a relationship like that with her, and this season gave me some very important perspectives. Really, relationships between women aren’t explored enough, and this season really did this one thing excellently and if only for that, it deserves to be watched. That moment where Lola talks to Daphné about her self destructive tendencies...so important. I am so happy that Daphné was the one finding Lola in her tower of solitude, and the moment where she says ‘you pay too much attention to what other people think, Lola’ was the emotional turning point of the season for me, because it was Daphné recognizing Lola really cared behind her mask of coldness, but also that she was hurt by that and that she needed to love herself regardless of the love her parents didn’t give her ; and also that she heard Lola saying it to her and that it inspired her too, so there is this amazing reciprocity. It was so powerful, I’m still reeling from it. And it was a beautiful full circle from the beginning of the season.

- Family of outsiders : the urbex gang was such a wonderful new group this season. It was bound to be tricky getting us to like this new generation, and I think they did a pretty good job. Even tho I wish we got to know them a bit more, they were all intriguing and interesting on their own, and the vibes of Lamif as a whole were just so fun and lovely. Loved the neuroatypical vibes I got from Sekou and Jo. Love that they introduced a trans guy character. Loved Maya as group mom. And seeing them warm up to Lola was really sweet. The social media of them hanging out was more or less the only good social media we got this season lmao. The urbex thing was a great symbol for Lola finding a home with the outcasts, a bit on the fringe of society, and the start of acceptance, of bringing her in from the cold. Maya and Lola’s relationship fit in that really nicely, especially the bits about them talking about their shared experiences of grief, and my favorite scenes with them is showing Lola that her scars can be beautiful and that her rough experiences are part of who she is. The way she didn’t take Lola’s bullshit was great, and even tho I think their relationship was rushed, overall they really fit well together. Love Maya’s character as a concept in general, this funky purple haired lesbian environmentalist with amazing sense of style, and I really hope we see her again in upcoming seasons. And finally, I also really liked Eliott and Lola’s friendship (except for the ending) - the fact that they understand this darkness that they share, but that Eliott has succeded in climbing over it, and so he can give Lola support, understanding, guidance. I loved that we got to hear a bit more of his perspective on mental illness, the good and the bad times, that we saw his passion for movies become more real. I loved the fact that they bonded over creative things and photography, too, and that she found a safe space in the video store. And even tho it wasn’t resolved properly, the scene where he comes to get her and punches Aymeric really made me cry. Also, BASILE. Best bro in law ever. Their scenes together were so homey and warm and sweet. They will have such a good relationship in time. Overall, I really like how central friendship was in this season, shown as so powerful and important. They could have done more with it but I love a lot of what we got. I am just a sucker for found family, man.

- Lola herself : I know she was a controversial character right from the start. She’s been called manipulative, selfish, out of control, toxic. And honestly at times...maybe she was a bit. I still love her. She is just so interesting to me. The lack of compassion towards her in the fandom was seriously depressing at times, and often felt like a symptom of something I’ve seen in a lot of different fandoms, ie the capacity to only tolerate moral ambiguity when it’s attached to attractive white male characters - and to only tolerate mental illness symptoms when they can be romanticized. In the end, she’s a struggling teen from a deeply dysfunctional family who’s had a very rough life, of course she’s not going to be well adjusted. All in all, I think she’s so brave, and she is a fighter. I adored her feral energies in the trailer. I also really liked her blunt honesty at times, even if it was sometimes hurtful and excessive. I think because I have the opposite tendency to be afraid to speak my mind, I really dig a character who isn’t afraid to speak the ugly truth. Even though, again, ‘the truth’ isn’t always cut and clear, and what Lola is often doing instead is listening to ‘depression voice’ who tells her to believe the worst in people. I find that fascinating, because in my experience, yes, depression comes with this terrible lucidity that makes you see through a lot of bullshit but at the same time, is distorting your perspective because of fear and shame, and kicking that, and disentangling your perception from that fatalism, is very complicated. I loved how genuine she was, how mature too sometimes through the pain, more mature than she should have been. It was rough watching her relapse, but I think the portrayal of addiction was pretty very well done overall, not romanticized and explained in a very coherent way. I wish the show had given her a bit more of a clearer view of her inner thoughts towards the end and let her apologize a bit more. And a clearer realisation that her parent’s lack of well expressed love didn’t doom her. But...yeah Following her really made me question my own - more hidden - self destructive impulses, linked to family shit, that pushes me to sabotage and isolate myself. Like Eliott said to her - it’s really a lifelong struggle. I think overall her arc was pretty satisfying, learning to step away from the edge, letting people in, seeing that she isn’t alone, accepting she deserves better and that her failures don’t doom her. That it is about getting up and trying again. Love her using her mother’s camera and wanting to get a phoenix tattoo, a perfect symbol for her. Also Flavie was amazing, she’s got a bright future ahead.

Negatives :

- No follow up to the assault storyline : The thing that I am, without any single doubt, most mad about, is the fact they didn’t bring up the sexual assault again. Along with Charles’ rape apologism, this creates a very dubious pattern of trivializing the issue ‘as long as it’s not real rape’. The fact that the morning after immediately turns to Elu drama is what sort of started my disconnect from the season, and the fact that they don’t bring it up afterwards even once made me angry. I think Lola, before going back to the hospital, should have told someone about the abuse she endured there, and should have told someone about Aymeric, even if only to acknowledge she wants to be done with that part of her life. Aymeric is like...Lola’s biggest villain, in a sense, he is a horrible predator but he also somehow represents her worst impulses, that part of herself that tells her she doesn’t deserve better, and I think that as a character, he was interesting, and he should have been adressed/exorcised better. If Lola was a real person, of course, she would probably have to deal with this in therapy, down the line, later, but as a story, never adressing this again left it unfinished. And this is really the kind of event you NEED catharsis and resolution for. Otherwise, it’s irresponsible.

- A generally overstuffed and disjointed structure : My biggest problems with this season are about what isn’t and what isn’t it. I liked most of the clips, I don’t have an issue with them going dark, strangely enough, but the way they were put together was just...messy. Like many people have said, too much stuff not properly adressed. Palm of most annoyingly useless subplot, the whole Tiff thing. Yes, it was cool comparing her clique to Lamifex and Lola realizing she wants nothing to do with those shallow fake bitches. Sekou hacking her account to replace it with pigeons, amazing. After that though, it should have been DONE, and in general, it should have taken a lot less time and attention. Comparing Tiff’s social media addiction to Lola’s issues felt like some trivializing bullshit. The whole thing was just so annoying. It would have been good if it had led to some discussion of social inequality but like...not this shit. Char, equally useless (although, cool actress, cool style). Another MASSIVE problem is the lack of follow through on big clips. A great thing about SKAM, usually, is that it shows you the aftermath of big moments - characters lying in bed, cuddling, talk to their friends, crying in the shower, etc. It allows the viewer to breathe and really get into the character’s perspective, to be comforted and process drama, and for the emotions to resonate better, to have space to develop richly. Here...we had Lola brush off her assault, we saw nothing after Daphné got her back from the tower thinking she could have killed herself, we learned that they had money problems and the father didn’t go to work and then that was never adressed again and the light was turned back on by magic (????), we saw Eliott go on a major bender and didn’t really see how he got better, etc. Big lack of introspective clips in the latter part of the season took me out of Lola’s head. It was all stressful and breathless, all intensity and no pause like one grating high pitch note instead of music, it felt oppressive, with poor contrast, and very badly paced. It made everything blur together and feel less relevant. The problem with that is it really takes you out of the story ; it’s hard to care when you know whatever is happening might not have a resolution, and it doesn’t put you in the shoes of the character. This was compounded by how mediocre the social media was, when it is usually used to bridge in the gaps. And then to finish : the structure was so uneven, especially in the second part of the season. Towards the middle we had some very short episodes with very underwhelming endings, and Vendredis that felt like non events, and there wasn’t a lot happening - and then, bam, ep 9, drama overload, almost like misery p*rn, and then a super rushed resolution in ep 10. Like they cared more about twists and giving the opposite of what was expected instead of solid coherent narrative and rhythm. The romantic back and forth felt repetitive as hell too. All in all, it made for a very unsatisfying live watching experience, pretty sure anyone who didn’t watch live would like it a lot more.

- The last two episodes : Really, I could have overlooked all the problems with the season if they had given us a good ending, but...they really really didn’t. And contrasted with last season, where my problems were focused on the middle, for me the ending is really the worst part of this season. I didn’t dislike the controversial club clips, I liked having the insight into Eliott’s insecurities, but they should never have brought those up if they weren’t going to let him adress them properly. Having everything go to shit in Lola’s life at once felt like overkill - they really should have solved those problems earlier, and then dealt with a few ones properly, showed us Lola freaking out on her own, and taken out the bullshit at the high school. Thierry slapping her was also too much, he could just have said these clumsy things. She could have distanced herself from Maya instead of pushing her away again. Also, they really should have had this happen in episode 8 again, and given us a proper resolution. While the tower sequence was incredibly powerful, I pretty much liked nothing after that. It was so annoying that Eliott brushed off Lola’s apology because while he wasn’t wrong that he decided to get drunk himself, she still needed to apologize and actually state that she wanted to get better so she didn’t hurt her friends, so as a resolution it was very mediocre. Thierry recognizing they should have given Lola the choice to go the hospital was a step but really not enough. And the moments with Maya were cute sure but mostly cheesy and unearned. Same for the ending clip. Mostly it’s such an unsatisfying farewell to the old generation, and it really feels like they wanted us to force to move on - didn’t want to properly recognize the end of an era, gave us almost nothing about their BAC or their future plans, etc etc. Also, letting Charles talk and having Arthur and Alexia kiss again ? SO BAD. UGH. I will be forever disappointed they didn’t give us a Multi POV or at least sth better on social media. And not having Eliott’s POV or at least a real Elu conversation (pretty much all season...) so frustrating I will never not be bitter about that. So yeah. The season started so powerfully but went out with a whimper instead of a bang. That whole ‘romantic love solves everything!!!’ shtick...very undercooked tbh.

Meh :

- Mayla’s development : I wanted to stan them SO BAD. Like, wlw in skam (that doesn’t turn into a panphobic mess?) YES, all the way yes. Maya and Lola had great chemistry, great dynamic. I loved their first few clips, the kind of confrontational flirting, the boldness, it was like...damn girls ! we love a non useless lesbian ! But...somewhere along the way, their relationship really suffered from the wacky plot structure. They should have shown us more bonding before we got to the angsting (esp during first urbex night). Also, their first kiss was sweet but I hated the ‘you’re my addiction’ line and that kind of put a damper on it. I liked the scenes where they open up about difficult things, the love Maya showed to Lola’s scars, the dandelion symbolism was lovely, but it wasn’t balanced enough with other stuff, and I felt Maya was way too stoic at times. And I really, really didn’t like the ending, honestly. They kept a good balance all season showing Lola wasn’t relying entirely on romantic love, that her family and friends were also important - but saying ‘i’m okay as long as you’re here’ at the end...honestly that sounds unhealthy and codependent as fuck. I really wish they’d done a more subtle, taking it slow ending for them.

- The financial issues : Again a storyline with much potential that wasn’t dealt with properly. It’s really good that we got a main that wasn’t from an economically priviledged background. Especially it felt very relevant to Daphné’s storyline, with the shame she felt at her friends seeing her place, the pressure to make it work, tying into her ED, etc etc. But cutting off the power, the father not working going nowhere...it’s like the plotline meandered and then vanished into thin air. Instead of that, they could have given us a scene of Daphné freaking out over the bills like in OG w Vilde, keeping the focus on her for that plot because she’s the most affected ; and then in the end of the season the father taking them over from her and telling her he’s found another job and that those things shouldn’t be her responsibility. That would have been relevant, instead of just...a loose end.

- Family issues : The Lecomte family dynamic seemed fascinating to me at the start. The mom being this shadowy complicated figure. The inability of the father to deal with anything. Daphné being parentified, Lola becoming the symptom child. They could have done a lot with this, but in the end, it felt like it was brushed aside too easily by saying the mom sent letters so she wasn’t too bad and Thierry is making breakfast so he’s trying. Not enough. I wanted them to let Lola acknowledge she deserved better and that their parent’s crap wasn’t on her. That her mom should have looked for help and the other two shouldn’t have pretended everything was okay. In general, there is way too much pressure to overlook toxic parent behavior and I wish they’d been clearer about this.

- Mental health portrayal : Some parts of it were really good. Showing Daphné’s ED, letting Eliott talk about his episodes and relapses, showing some of the dark sides of depression and addiction. They just needed to show more of the recovery, because that is often the representation that they lacked the most. I don’t blame them for showing the bad sides of the mental healhcare system (which is terribly outdated and dysfunctional in France, I’m speaking from experience) but they should have shown the good too. Like do they find recovery boring or something ? Because as a person w MI, that’s actually what I’m dying to see, and they’ve been a real letdown in that department. I also think they should have acknowledged that the Lecomte family has mental issues as a whole, that the mother should have gotten help, and the father probably needs it too (still think they should have gone to therapy as a group lol).

- Elu and Eliott’s development : Honestly, not a big fan of how they wrote Lucas in s5&s6, in a lot of clips he was the angry guy with a temper, I miss s4 Lucas who was so compassionate and showed real growth and emotional intelligence. Here it just felt like they were fitting his character to plot needs, and it’s so sad for a character who had such an amazing story development. Now, I loved the glimpses of domestic Elu we got, how Axel and Maxence really showed the intimacy that had grown between them, they really felt married with all the nonverbal conversations and touches, that was sweet. But it’s so annoying that they hinted at Lucas’s insecurities and Eliott’s lack of communications and just brushed it away with ‘oh they love each other they will be okay’ sure bitch but then show us how ? that’s the interesting stuff ? it really feels sometimes like the writer(s) didn’t like how strongly the fans focused on the romance when they wanted to be talking about MATURE dark stuff not that frilly fluffy romance shit *eyeroll* male writers who think they’re above that stuff is so annoying as is the conflating of dark and mature - anyway. Again I liked seeing Eliott in his element this season, he is really thriving, with his movie and the video store, and that made me very happy. I don’t think it’s unrealistic he didn’t make a lot of friends in uni - French university can be so isolating, there isn’t a campus or a vibrant social life like in the US, it’s a very common experience to feel lost and isolated for newbies and it was also my case - but ? Sofiane ? Idriss ??? They could have found a better excuse to implicate Lamifex in the movie making tbh, like Jo egging him on about her passion for directing or whatever, and Sofiane could have been there chilling with them it would have been so cool. I just wish Eliott would have had more of an arc like Daphné did. It wouldn’t have taken much, and since he is my favorite character, I will never not be disappointed at all the wasted potential.

Yeah so in the end i think this was a very good story they didn’t entirely give themselves the right storytelling tools to tell. Like there is something in the way they prioritize certain moments over others that...I just find very frustrating and weird. So...flawed, but still very interesting overall.

#skam france #skamfr s6 #lola lecomte #mayla

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