#but i can't fucking live without self shipping and i don't want to go back to having Nothing

[olivianyx]

OMGG I JUST GOT RESULTS WITHOUT BEATING MYSELF UP WITH ROUTINES 😭 + RANT ✨

HEYY LUVS! I JUST WANNA SHARE MY RESULTS I MANIFESTED WITHIN 2-3 DAYS! THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE MY BEST YEAR Y'ALL ✋AND GUESS WHAT I DID? NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. NUH-UH. PERIODT.

⚠ LONG POST AHEAD, SWEARING ⚠

WHAT I MANIFESTED:

🪄 PASSING MY FRESHMAN YEAR WITH HIGH SCORES

🪄 MY FAMILY BOUGHT A NEW APARTMENT WHICH WERE PREPARING TO MOVE IN 3 WEEKS

🪄 ME GETTING INTO THE VOID STATE 😭 AND MANIFESTED CLEAR SKIN! (DAYUM GETTING INTO THE VOID IS DEFO VERY EASY OMGG)

🪄 GETTING LESS ANXIOUS LATELY!

🪄 MY GASTRITIS AND ULCERITIS GETTING CURED

🪄 GETTING MORE COMPLIMENTS IN MY UNI!

🪄 GETTING TALLER! I WENT FROM 5'3" TO 5'7" IN 2 DAYS 😭😭

🪄 GETTING DREAMS OF ME SHIFTING TO MY WR 🥺 (ACTUALLY RESPAWNING LOL, AS THIS THING IS REALLY CONTROVERSIAL IN HERE, PLEASE DON'T GET ME CANCELLED- I'M DOING DEATHLESS RESPAWNING ✋)

🪄 MY MIND IS SURPRISINGLY CALM 😌 THERE'S STILL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS THO (THOSE ARE ANNOYING ASS BITCHES) BUT I JUST IGNORE EM LIKE I IGNORE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL 🗿

🪄 GOT MANY CONFESSIONS TOO 😭 AND I REJECTED EM ALL, CUS I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ✋🗿 JK

🪄 GETTING COOL CLOTHES THAT MY MOM DENIED A LOTTA TIMES! (ACTUALLY I'VE ORDERED EM BUT STILL HAVEN'T SHIPPED TO MY ADDRESS YET LOL)

🪄 MY CRUSH BECOMING CLOSE TO ME HEHE 🤭 LIKE SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME MUCH, BUT LATELY SHE'S BEEN TOO CLOSE TO ME AND ALWAYS WANNA BE WITH ME LOL, 3 DAYS BACK SHE AND I WALKED HOME TOGETHER, WHILE WE GRABBED SOME SNACKS, SPOKE ABT EACH OTHER AND ALL (I FELT LIKE BEING IN A SHOUJO MANGA 😩)

🪄 A NEW PHONE! THAT SAMSUNG GALAXY S22 😩

I MANIFESTED EVERYTHING WITHIN 3 DAYS 😭 I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, JUST. 3. FUCKING. DAYS. GODDAMMIT.

HOW I DID IT:

JUST FULFILLED IT IN MY IMAGINATION

YEP, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. I LIVED IN THE 4D REALITY, I NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE 3D AT ALL. OK LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR Y'ALL SO JUST PAY ATTENTION FROM HERE ONWARDS.

🪄 SUPPOSE SOMETHING UNDESIRABLE OR UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE HAPPENING IN YOUR 3D. WHO'S THE CAUSE FOR THAT? YOU. 'BUT I DIDN'T IMAGINE OR THINK OF THESE 😭' BABY, YOU'RE THE SOLE CAUSE, EFFECT, AND THE SOLUTION. THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO THIS.

🪄 AS WE ALL KNOW, 3D IS A MIRROR. RIGHT? WHATEVER YOU THINK ABOUT, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR PERSPECTIVE EVERYTHING WILL BE REFLECTED. SO WHY NOT THINK THE WAY YOU WANT SO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME? GET IT.

🪄 IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE 3D, CHANGE YOUR 4D FIRST. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO HOW YOUR DESIRED SELF WOULD SEE THE WORLD. KEEP DWELLING IN IT. IF THE 3D SHOWS UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, DON'T FUCKING GET TRIGGERED. GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION AND DENY YOUR SENSES.

🪄 EVERYTIME YOU SEE SOMETHING ELSE IN THE 3D, GO 'BRUHH THIS IS MY OLD STORY, I ALREADY HAVE WHAT I WANT, THIS IS JUST FAKE' AND MOVE ON. DISTRACT YOURSELF. CUS THE 3D WORLD WHICH YOU SEE IS AN ILLUSION, IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S YOUR CREATION, WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT YOU CREATED? IT'S ALREADY IN CONTROL. YOU ONLY GOTTA REALISE YOUR GODSELF. YOU ARE THE CREATOR, NOT THE CREATION. STOP FUCKING VICTIMIZING YOURSELF.

🪄 I GET IT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED BETWEEN LAW OF ASSUMPTION AND NON DUALISM. EVEN I WAS, BUT SLOWLY I REALISED THAT WE'RE ALL NOTHING. WE'RE JUST LIVING IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. VICTIMIZING OURSELVES IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. IRONIC RIGHT?

🪄 THOSE THOUGHTS, ANXIETY, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS ARE ALL IN YOUR PHYSICAL REALM. YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, YOUR EGO EVERYTHING IS NO REAL, WE ASSUME IT TO BE. WE'RE ARE SHAPELESS, FORMLESS, WE'RE NOTHING! AND EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME. CUS EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO ONE THING, I AM.

🪄 K Y'ALL MIGHT BE SUPER CONFUSED, WHAT I'M TRYNA INFUSE IN YOUR BRAINS. SO WHAT YOU DO IS, LIVE IN YOUR 4D.HOW? IMAGINATION. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SEE IN YOUR 3D, GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION, AFFIRM OR VISUALISE. ANYTHING IS FINE BTW. JUST STAY IN THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLED.

🪄 STOP RELYING ON METHODS, FUCK THEM. JUST BE. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE SOMETHING WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE THEM. JUST STOP, SURRENDER, STOP FIGHTING, STOP TRYING SO HARD WHEN YOUR ALREADY IT. SO GO LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION, FULLY SURRENDER. DO THINGS WHICH YOU LIKE. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.

LIKE AREN'T YOU TIRED? TRAPPED IN YOUR OWN CREATIONS? YOU CREATED THEM, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHATEVER. TELL ME HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LIVE THIS BULLSHIT LIFE? YOU'RE REALLY GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. SO LISTEN UP, DO WHAT YOU LOVE, AFFIRM, VISUALISE, OR DAYDREAM, ZONE OUT, WHATEVER. ALL I DID WAS DO THIS MEDITATION IN THE MORNING, WENT ABOUT MY DAY WATCHING JUJUTSU KAISEN LMAO. THEN RANDOMLY AFFIRM, LIVED IN MY 4D, NEVER PAYED ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO MY 3D, CUS I'M GOD. I REALLY LOVE VISUALISING, SO I PUT ON A SONG AND START DAYDREAMING IN MY ROOM SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. ALSO, I DID SATS BEFORE GOING TO BED. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I DID FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, AND GOT WHAT EVER I WANT. ALSO I MADE A CUSTOM TAPE TOO (IT'S A GENERAL SELF CONCEPT ONE) I LISTENED TO IT FOR 30 MINS AND JUST WENT ABOUT MY DAY THINKING I HAD WHATEVER I FUCKING DESIRE, CUS IT'S ALL MY CREATIONS AND I HAVE IT ALREADY. THERE'S NOTHING TO GET, IT'S ALREADY IN ME.

LUV YOU, BYE 💋

#non dualism #law of assumption #neville goddard #reality shifting #affirmdaily #dream life #frequency #loa success #manifestations #manifestyourreality #scripting #3roe #self concept #higher self #consciousness #Spotify

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

I am so upset about Buwei's death but very curious about what is coming next. Since this is a c-drama and they can't have an immoral Emperor on the throne as an endgame, I suppose that the Yong family is going down one way or another. Let's hope they take the Qi household with them, especially Princess Pingning.

Team Prince Yan!

***

Yawn.

My lack of sympathy for this woman and her whole family cannot be overstated.

***

Did any of you care whether other people lived or died?

Fuck you both.

And the best part is that his stupid ass thought that if he was to whine in front of the Emperor about Minglan, this useless man would grant him the marriage 🤣🤣

***

He has already forgotten that she beat Buwei to death because of him, smh, and they are back to business as usual.

Human lives literally mean nothing to either of them. I wouldn't be able to forgive her if she murdered a pet hamster to hurt me, let alone a whole human being 😡😡

***

Hopefully, he will be lucky enough not to meet you in his next life.

***

Oh, boo-hoo.

How terrible for your mother and you that your delusions of grandeur are just that. Delusions. Classism is hell of a drug.

I hope you get squashed.

***

Do it!! Please! Make my day!!

***

LMAO, WHAT HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

You have literally had people raped and kidnapped, and very likely murdered. And here you are, threatening to murder more. The cognitive dissonance, I cannot 🤣🤣

***

Oh, yes, your daughter is going to be so happy in this marriage 🙄

Sooooooo happy!! Everything a loving parent would want for their child 🙄🙄

They are all literally insane. Unlimited power and wealth have rotted their brains.

***

That this needs to be spelled out for him is just 🤯🤯

And, like, we don't even go as far as Consort Yong. His own shitty mother could and would do this if he was to somehow elope with Minglan. This is also why there is absolutely no chance the Sheng family would allow this marriage to happen without the Duke and Duchess of Qi fully onboard and Minglan would never do anything that would jeopardise her entire family, such as run off with him without their permission.

***

MTE, Qi Heng, I fully agree with you on this.

Why anyone would bother to even cross the street for your worthless ass, let alone bloody their hands to get you, is very much beyond me.

***

LMAO, YOU ARE A USELESS MOTHER!

He is not a "thing", he is a whole human and you are talking about marriage here, an entwining of lives. How happy is she going to be, married to a man who resents her? Who married her only because you threatened to kill his parents and the woman he loves? Are you serious? OK, I can buy that an endlessly indulged princess will have the brain power and impulse control of a toddler and may not be able to see the full consequences of this, but what is your excuse? Moreover, what is your husband's excuse? All of you have worms for brains.

***

I'VE BEEN SAYING!!

Why must you make me agree with Qi Heng, smh?

Anyway, I can't wait to watch Zhu Yilong in something else. No love for this particular character but he's really fantastic, very subtle and very expressive.

***

Oh, thank god.

Hopefully, now Minglan can let him go and go back to being her usual intelligent self. This doomed side ship has been getting on my last nerve.

***

What the absolute fuck are you talking about, Gu Tingye? I thought you were supposed to be smart and looking out for Minglan!

Yes, please kidnap a fucking Imperial princess and see how well that works out both for the House of Qi and Sheng!

Why is everyone stupid all of a sudden?

***

How is Yuanruo the one speaking common sense all of a sudden?

Gu Tingye, what the fuck is wrong with you?

#the story of minglan #tsoml spoilers #tsoml ep28

[silverskull]

Nobody asked me (i.e. the one Anon that has been going around asking EVERYONE "why Tim disrespected Lucy"), but yo. Show me you are emotionally immature, plotline inexperienced and have low critical thinking skills, without etc., etc.

Tiktok and IG are POISON. Like, neither of them are a community. Just rampant rumour mills and toxic takes. I miss the old days of boards and yahoo groups, where you had threads and categories and actual discussion.

I want the show to be popular. But the more people that have joined the fandom (however temporary they might be - and please, if you say you're going to go, then JUST. GO. I don't want you here.) the more awful the space has become. It's just anger, self centeredness and panic. And not even the fun kind.

I know I can mute and block, and I do - trust me. But it's not enough. The psychotic or infantile takes from one-line tiktok comments always makes its untraceable way back to my curated feed.

I used to be a baby in a fandom of elders. I had stupid ideas and childish notions. But I wasn't in an echo chamber and I had to read through threads and the wiser opinions of adults who had life experience (of life, of shows, of relationships - just experience) and I listened. I threw tantrums ("ugh, she's got boyfriends other than the one I ship her with, she's A WHORE") that were SO. BAD. Like, of their time, but so bad. But I couldn't help encountering reasonable opinions all the time, because of the nature of the group/board. And it not only developed my critical thinking skills far better than almost any theory I was studying at school, it calmed me and educated me on plotlines AND real life.

One line comments in a race to the bottom on IG or TT will never compare to that, and it's exacerbating the eternal panic element that exists in large fandoms. Those platforms are NOT designed for discussion or interaction, only for gathering numbers. The worst things will always get to the top and more people will see them

And then we all live with this constant edge of worry or fear, because where did that one weird thing I heard about come from??? What if it's right? Why does this stupid thought have to live in my brain now and how do I stop the nosedive?

And you can't. You can't find the original post and add your considered opinion. There is no room for that. TT and IG do not want your opinion. They want high-view content, and reasoned fandom discussion is NOT that.

Also, these phrases are IRRITATING AS FUCK:

-called it/calling it now

-just as I predicted!

-(actor) told me...

-"terrible writing"

-[the show creators] didn't expect this kind of fan reaction!

-if not X then I'm leaving! (doesn't leave)

Okay, peace.

#chenford #fandom #i want the youth to have what i had #but not if it ruins my experience

[give-grian-rights]

Hermitcraft Fic Rec!

HELLO. i have hundreds, HUNDREDS of hermitcraft fanfiction bookmarked and living in my brain without rent. Breaking this up into categories for some of my PERSONAL favorite fics in the fandom- including categories for shipping, crossover, and worldbuilding.

Some of these fics are from 2019 but generally speaking you don't need knowledge of past seasons you should be able to pick up on just about all of them. a lot of these are mostly included BECAUSE they're older and therefore, harder to accidentally stumble upon. put in no particular order.

If your fic is on here and you'd like it removed, send an Ask with the fic, a dm, etc

World Building

The Parting Glass / To Pass The Jungle You Have To Go All The Way Around - Sekrap.

Doc has been trying to forget. He has done everything everyone told him he should do to make the memories go away. And still the jungle calls for him. / He was a monster. Then, a man. Now, a machine. Doc, once a normal Creeper, was not meant to live. Let alone become a Player. He learned to speak, he learned to fight, he learned to build. Some things stayed the same. aka- the Domestic Creeper au.

____

Carpet Trick - CrazyCatMeow

You all know the double carpet trick right? What happens when that joint with a tired mad scientist meet.

Mob hybrids can't see carpets <3 extra silly and very lighthearted

____

Window Pane - blueticked

Tango and Impulse discuss the brand new presence of Helsknight.

It's not a coincidence that all the evil personas have red eyes.

Tango is a Hels, struggling with self-acceptance and his place in Hermitcraft, which was never meant to be for him. in my head ALL THE TIME

____

"I know" - KindaJustHere

Bdubs was used to death. He was used to being killed by his fellow hermits. He was very used to being killed by Grian. Maybe a little too much.

(This is based off Grian’s episode 61 of hermitcraft season 7 where Bdubs says “I know” and shoots himself) BDUBS SELF ESTEEM ANGST!! Griangst !!!! Emotionally fucked up Grian from YHS !!

____

Hiss and Scratch - TheNerdyTurtle96

Doc is a mad scientist who isn't afraid of anything. Actually, that's not true. His only weakness is cats.

exactly like it said it is . SO GOOD AND CUTE

____

For the Record - Anonymous

Tango shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I did. Xisuma’s teaching Impulse some Galactic Standard so he can cheat at enchanting or something. Apparently Xelqua’s, like, some sort of god in Xisuma’s culture? It was kind of unclear, I wasn’t paying attention when Impulse told me.”

“Huh,” Grian said vacantly. “How about that.”

oops! Grian is Xisuma's god. amazing

____ GrianMC - SixteenthDays

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Techno says frankly.

“You know,” Grian says again. “Your- Watchers.”

Techno squints for a moment before understanding visibly dawns behind his eyes. “Ohhh, you mean Chat?”

(On watchers, and Watchers.)

This IS technically a crossover but its more worldbuilding than anything else. its literally so funny. i love it

Crossover

These Days I Don't Feel Like Myself At All / Mercury (No One Can Unring This Bell) (Series Ongoing) - RoguishOne (DarkWolfMoon)

TommyInnit had died. Again. To Dream. Again. And it sucked exactly as much as he thought it would because he'd wanted to move on and have a chance to actually live this time. Seems he won't be getting that.

Then he gets pulled out of Limbo, but he doesn't wake up back in the cell with Dream or next to his bed on the server. He doesn't wake up on the Dream SMP at all.

Little does he know that this is the least of his worries.

i want to scream and cry and hypervenilate thinking about this fic series. literally cannot recommend it enough. your life will be ROCKED. THE WRITING IS SOOOOO OGOOOD . i just want to shake. i cannot put into words what this fic makes me feel.

____

Shells in the Foam (a Hermit!Tommy fanfic) - Cedarwhisp21

When Dream attacks Tommy in Logestshire, Tommy runs. Badly injured, he somehow manages to slip between worlds and wakes up in a badlands biome, on a server far from home, with no other players in sight.

The Hermits are surprised when a new player logs in, and confused when no-one's at spawn. Five days later, after waiting for the new player to introduce themselves, Xisuma uses his admin abilities to access their coordinates. He takes Impulse with him to welcome the new player to Hermitcraft, but instead of the beginnings of a base, they find something a lot more concerning.

NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. the NUMBER ONE kudo-ed hermit fic . by my beloved. and using the one of the beloved au by pertrichormeraki . its so good and im sooo glad i was here for the ride of seeing it unfold <3

____

let me give you a piece of my mind - Interjection

Dream and Grian practice building for MCC, and hold a conversation in the process.

Or,

Grian gives an outside perspective on Dream’s actions. Dream is having none of it.

Grian is a fucked up lil guy <3 Dream is a piece of shit

____

He would not die - Nicoforlife

If phil could save only one person from this place, that would be enough.

Tldr I made phil a watcher :)

Watcher Phil and Grian !! ! !!

____

Scared as hell - Nhi_theuserof_this

Grian was one of the closest people to Fundy at this point. He wants to be honest, really, but with the rest of his family history being a total train wreck, he spends an awkwardly long time dancing around what he wants to say.

Tldr; Grian is Fundy’s uncle, Fundy comes out to him

OK SO THIS ONE. WAS BASED OFF ONE OF MY AUS but i had to include it. ok .short and sweet

It was just a game - QuasarsFaults (UNFINISHED)

Taurtis Has been on the server awhile now, he's made new friends, a really tasty toritos shop, a new job working with Concorp, and he's even made this really cool pirate rollercoaster. So why did his and Scar's idea go so wrong?

OK. so i honest to god cannot remember if this is my au or if i just partook in it. i think its my au. who knows. either way seeing this again makes me want to work on my own Taurtis-Became-a-Hermit-Instead-of-Grian fic

Shipping

heartfelt confession - mysteryguest

it shouldn't come as a surprise to iskall, he thinks, when he finally settles on a term that feels just right. and yet, it is. and it's dreadful, feeling that urge, that need to tell someone, without knowing if they would accept you or not.

at least he knows the person he can trust the most with this info is his boyfriend, mumbo.

non-binary and bigender Mumskull !!! coming out. finding identity. finding pronouns.

____

I Hate You (I Promise I Don't) - BewitchingNotes

If someone asked Grian why he was relentlessly pranking Etho now that he was finally back in Hermitland, he'd say it was just for pure fun.

To Etho, it meant Grian was mad at him.

To everyone else, Grian had a huge crush on the redstone user and obviously didn't know how to communicate it.

OR: Grian just wants Etho's attention, Etho misreads this as Grian being mad at him, Grian thinks Etho hates him because of his pranks and everyone else just wants these boys to communicate properly already. Grian's love language is pranks...i love it

____ A Study Of Love in the Universe Itself - 2point5

Love had a strange meaning on Hermitcraft, where everyone loved each other. 

OR

Joe looks into the different ways he loves some of his fellow members, and what that means for him as a human.

ITS A SERIES TOO AND ITS SOOOO GOOD i love it . Joe x Cleo x Bdubs x Etho . what more could you want. and their sexualities and how they perceive love is . OAUGHHGHGGHHGHGHBHGHFHHVIJXFSHDF IUSDHIUSAHDUIA

#hermitcraft #hermitblr #hermitcraft fic rec #fic rec #hermitcraft fic #hermitcraft fanfic #hermitcraft x dsmp #hc x dsmp #hermitcraft headcanon #hermitcraft worldbuilding #hermitship #mika-posts

[canonicallyobserving911]

Anti Bucktommy

Eddie deserves better than that raggedy storyline he was handed.

Don't read below the cut if you ship bucktommy because this is an ANTI-BUCKTOMMY ZONE!

Full Disclosure: Eddie is my favorite character and IMO the way he was charcterized in 7x4 was horrifically horrible.

It's been a few hours since the episode aired and I believe I'm finally at a place where I can articulate how damn angry I am about the way EDDIE DIAZ was treated throughout the episode.

Before it aired, I was still on the fence regarding if I should watch live because I didn't want Buck and Eddie to argue/fight but I sure as hell didn't want either of them to get injured. I really tried to keep an open mind about Buck’s storyline but I'm not sure how to process the fact that they made Eddie out to be the villain for the third time. First it was the lawsuit, then it was Buck's coma dream where he was charcterized as "Angry" and now this. He was the one injured but Tommy had to tell Buck to call Eddie and he was just like "ok" when pre-Tommy Buck would have taken Eddie to the hospital and stayed with him until he was better. But it appears everyone forgot how Buck dropped everything to take care of Eddie and Chris after Eddie’s breakdown since Buck finally kissed a guy.

Eddie

So... first things first. Eddie FINALLY ADMITTED HE'S TAKEN but when did that happen because Marisol has been on screen for like 5.098 seconds in 4 episodes. Second, why didn't Eddie ask her to babysit Chris? I mean if they're in a committed relationship or whatever, then shouldn't he have asked her? That would have made more sense but if he had then he wouldn't have been able to ask Buck to do it. And finally, why was his actions towards Buck made to seem like he was intentionally being mean? The pre-7x4 Eddie Diaz wouldn't have done that because he knows how self-deprecating Buck can be. Reminder he called Buck Evan first and it wasn't like he was trying to put him in his place like Tommy was and will do. Tommy's actions towards Buck didn't show that he even liked him since he was dismissive but this isn't about that, it's about Eddie.

Now, I still can't tell if Eddie's actions were supposed to be funny or WTF but the way they had him acting like he was inconsiderate towards Buck’s feelings was just WRONG! Furthermore making it seem like he was using him and rubbing his nose in it since he had a new friend was NOT OK! FYI, the way everything played out validated some of those Facebook moms' thoughts because they've already posted that they believe Eddie uses Buck to babysit for him so he can go out and have fun 👀.

Additionally, Eddie was shown to be the one Buck’s affection... no fuck that, LOVE was directed towards only for Buck to literally injure him and ACT like he did it because he wanted to be with fucking Tommy Kinard? I call BULLSHIT and at this point I don't like Buck very much right now because of the way he acted in this episode.

Showing Eddie using Buck to babysit Chris and talking at him and ignoring him while he was hanging out with the guy who basically called Buck stupid and unbelievable to his face was just bad writing. Of course there will be those who say, "Let the story play out because it was just one episode" but the audience has been here before waiting for Buck to finally get it and nothing changed except he's dating a man now. None of this was ok and even though Maddie told him don't do it again, that was fine I guess but what in the actual fuck was this raggedy ass storyline? There was a better way to handle this without making Eddie the villian.

If all Tim Minear wanted to do was set Buck up with someone other than Eddie, then he could have picked a better character than Tommy. Also, there's an article that indicates he was planning to bring Lucy back for this storyline and it's ridiculous. She already put her lips on Buck without his permission and Tommy did the same thing and so did Taylor.

At this point, I don't know how to feel about Buck. But I do care about Eddie who was called "Angry" in Buck’s coma dream and who Buck actually fucking physically injured during a basketball game because he's jealous that Eddie was hanging out with Tommy.

I can't support a toxic relationship and that's what I saw happening between Buck and Tommy in 7x4.

IMO, The math ain't mathing and this is... not good storytelling.

#EddieDeservesBetter

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #anti eddiemarisol #911 season 7 #911 season 7 speculation #anti tommy kinard #Anti bucktommy #anti marisol #oliver stark #ryan guzman #Eddie deserves better

[utilitycaster]

The wildest part about the reaction to Ashton’s comment is that Laudna herself didn’t even seem to take it personally? Her reaction to it seemed more like “ok that’s not true and I’m going to push back on it, but you’re clearly having a self destructive dark night of the soul and I want to make sure you’re okay”. Like give our girl a little more credit here.

Hey anon,

Hope you don't mind but you are getting a heavily edited and more measured part of the threatened rant because like. Yeah. That's the thing isn't it? Laudna is the one who sought out Ashton while they were drinking. And when he slips into self-pity, she tells him to snap out of it, but she's not mad. I happen to agree with this meta that Ashton isn't saying "I know loneliness and you don't"; they're saying "I know the very specific loneliness of not knowing where I came from". (I also think there's a possibility that they're saying "I know the loneliness that comes from knowing the people who weren't there when you came back to life could have been and chose not to"; it's not that Laudna didn't wake up alone the first time, it's that she was alone because everyone else was dead whereas the Nobodies could have chosen to stick by them and did not.) And then, the next day, he apologizes (something Imogen does not do), and she tells him not to be too hard on himself.

Laudna clearly looks on this conversation positively. She even brings it up when she talks with Imogen in that manner - she doesn't say "wow can you believe what that asshole said?" but rather focuses on Ashton's compliment to her. I mean, it's nothing new, for people to carefully ignore any context that might more sympathetically frame a character they hate, or to defend how perfect and traumatized their Mary Sue-ass interpretation of a female character is in such a way that it denies the actual agency and emotions of that character as portrayed on screen, but it's just as stupid every time, as is the constant insistence that the best way to have a ship is to isolate two characters such that they only have each other, that they're the only ones who can ever truly understand each other.

You know, I've seen people draw parallels between Laudna telling Imogen the choice is up to her regarding how they proceed tomorrow, and Imogen telling Laudna that the choice was up to her during her resurrection. And here's the thing: Imogen's appeal to Laudna during the resurrection failed. The goal of bringing Laudna back succeeded, but Imogen's specific attempt was a minor hindrance, not a help.

I can't help but wonder if Laudna leaving things to Imogen might end up the same; that they keep going on, together, but these hairline fractures keep building up and never healing, and perhaps one day there will be too many.

Shippers keep saying this is so beautiful because it's about giving each other choices when they've never had any, but that's patently untrue. Laudna had no choice in Delilah, but really, given how normal people even in small towns like Heartmoor Hamlet have been towards her, or the fact that she's not significantly weirder than Weva Vudol, or the fact that every shopkeeper in Exandria is, canonically, fucking bananas, there's a lot she could have done in those 30 years. I mean, she somehow made it to Gelvaan which is not exactly something you fall into from Tal'Dorei without making some kind of decision. Imogen had no choice in her powers but otherwise she's had no shortage of choices. In fact, that's quite literally what Laudna is saying: Imogen always had the option of going to live in a cottage and raise horses. Imogen has always had choices, and doesn't need to kill the gods to free herself.

For that matter, could you not draw a similar parallel between Laudna's transformation at the hands of Delilah without her choosing, and Ashton, who was part of a ritual as a young child below any reasonable age of consent that permanently changed them physically? Or FCG, who was quite literally programmed to be who they are? If you take off the shipper goggles and actually remember that there are five other characters, suddenly these parallels become far more widespread.

But also: here's the thing about leaving all the choices up to the other person. It protects you from the possibility that they might say no to you. It reframes things: had Laudna not been successfully resurrected, she's not saying no to Imogen; she's making her own choice, even though the result is the same. If Imogen goes with Otohan now, well, then Laudna can tell herself that it was Imogen's choice to side with the woman who murdered her, but at least she has the thin comfort that Imogen didn't exactly say "no" to a direct appeal; that it's merely an implied rather than explicit betrayal.

It's just...I know this campaign is a little weird in that this massive world-ending event is happening comparatively early; but also, Imogen and Laudna have known each other for two years. And obviously Imogen isn't Vex, she isn't Vax, she isn't Fjord, she isn't Beau or Yasha, but like, you know what all of those people did when they were facing a dangerous situation and thought death was imminent? They, through word or action, looked at the person they loved and didn't just say "I love you", they said "I'm in love with you", "can I kiss you," or opened the door naked. They said "I might die tomorrow and I cannot go forward without telling you that this is something more than just friendship to me," knowing that it was possible that, on the last night of their life, the person they loved might turn them down. Hell, Keyleth did initially turn Vax down, and he still did it.

Imogen and Laudna? They spent the night the same way they might have at the very beginning of the campaign - before the campaign, even. Laudna said she loved Imogen in what, episode 6? They've been sharing rooms and beds for two years. Nothing has changed in their relationship. And it is my suspicion that nothing will, until one of them actually asks something of the other. And again - that's all it will take for me to go from "this is boring and empty" to "ok, this is a ship" - for them to be able to take a risk.

I could quite honestly go on but like...this reply, which I got shortly after Laudna's death (when I said there was value in a story in which she remains dead) has haunted me since.

It really explains everything, doesn't it? It's why people were mad when I said it was valid for Imogen to be upset at Laudna about the gnarlrock; it's why they were mad that I said that there was no canonical basis for the people of Gelvaan or Relvin mistreating Imogen (in fact, it outright contradicts what we've seen in canon); it's why they hate Ashton right now. It's why if Imogen is interested in the gnarlrock as a way to find relief from her powers and gets mad at Laudna for breaking it, she sucks, but if Imogen considers starting the apocalypse to find relief from her powers it's totally fine. It's why they'll harass people for saying "you know, it could be an interesting story if Laudna dies permanently," and then turn around and offer more sympathy to Otohan - the character who would have been responsible for that permanent death - than they do to Orym, the character who has lost two family members and nearly his own life to her. Because Otohan might have murdered Laudna, but damn, at least she seems to ship it.

They don't see Imogen and Laudna as separate characters who can grow and change - they don't even refer to Laudna as her own fucking name, just as part of a portmanteau - and they are terrified whenever the two have even the slightest conflict (not unlike Imogen and Laudna themselves) because it means that the characters interact with people other than each other. Laudna dying permanently isn't a character death to them - it's "throwing [the ship] away." Laudna having other conversations and relationships is a threat to the ship, even if Laudna enjoys it - in fact, especially if Laudna enjoys it. Other people coming into Imogen's dreams with the express purpose of helping her is a threat. Because if either of the characters ever realize that this codependency isn't serving them, and that they have other people who will stand by them and won't leave them to their loneliness...well. The constant reassurances that they have each other might no longer be enough if they have other people.

That's why the shippers are mad at Ashton. Yes, because it's a possible competing ship; but also because they pointed out that Laudna had six people by her when she woke up, not just one, and that opens the door to Laudna realizing she has other people who will stand by her, and who aren't openly and repeatedly entertaining an alliance with her murderer. They do not actually give a shit about how Laudna feels.

#answered #Anonymous #long post #critical role #critical role spoilers #me @ laudna: girl your security blanket is full of asbestos fibers #anyway for those wanting more rants in this vein please feel free to ask me why this is not comparable to caleb and veth's relationship #or uh. really anything about why it's like. not good or interesting as a ship

[thaly-does]

Sooo I came [back] to the SPN fandom after many many years of being completely out and [thanks to my dearest] this time I'm going to fully dedicate myself to wincest.

Naturally, I'm a multishipper. I don't care much how many other pairings with my fav chars exist / usually I ship more than one thing per fandom or per character.

But them. Oh, them.

The Winchesters. Sam and Dean. Dean and Sam. I hear how their names merge in my head into something entwisted so much it'll never get unraveled again.

They. Have. Everything.

In my usual little doll plays with the characters I prefer to go rather dark. Rather sick. Sometimes, rather dirty. Not for the sake of general evilness, naturally and inevitably inherent to being an artist, but for the sake of feelings.

The contrast is better where it's darker. The light is brighter. The love is sweeter when there's pain, the hope is luminous when there's despair. The contrast enhances the emotional impact.

But Dean and Sam? Sam and Dean?

They already have it. They have everything and anything. The pitch black and the beam light. It's been made canon, probably, years ago.

Then I thought: what had ever made my brain go full-time crazy mod? What had ever squeezed my heart so tight I couldn't breathe?

Here are some of the best [imo] moment of my other fandom's biggest OTPs. Some ships are canon, some are not. But all of the moments DID canonically happens. [I'm using X & Y so it's more descriptive]

X & Y are constantly being forced to fight each other despite their genuine connection. the forcing power massively prevails their own. that's how their relationship starts... and how it ends, with X finally forced to kill Y. then X has to restart the whole world so they could be together again.

X & Y met when both were mentally down and then spent a horrible amount of time being tortured in the cruelest way alongside each other. later, they could let go of their twisted connection. but they don't.

X silently begs Y to kill him after committing the Literally Worst Crimes Possible for which he'll never forgive himself. Y complies. Y never stops thinking about X.

X spends his whole life protecting Y with growing understanding that Y will never accept his nature.

X sacrifices himself sexually, mentally and physically at once to the person he despises the most - simply in order for Y to get away from that monster.

X (who's kind of been a psycho murderer) went through a terrible experience where half his personality got destroyed. Y takes care of him despite the previous attempt of X to kill Y in cold blood. They end up fixing it (in a way).

X is obsessed with Y to a weird, absolutely not redeemable level. Body dismemberment included.

X is successfuly fighting the massive-level brainwashing so he doesn't hurt Y, although everyone they both knew and loved die around them.

X goes so mental after Y dies that he is committing a terrorist attack suicide so the world could feel their pain.

X goes full on self-sacrifice during a rescue attempt for Y [okay that's way more than one thing but it gets me every time!]

X says "Hey Y, we die together or no way at all". and so they do.

X never recovers after betraying Y and later goes through big torture time with the thought it was deserved for that betrayal.

X & Y [& a kid] slash through an endless amount of enemies so they could be a family together

X & Y are destined to be together but they go "fuck destiny"... and stay together for who they are.

X & Y fight together against a clearly overpowered villain. and win.

X & Y seem to desperately want to finish each other off but never act upon it when there's an opportunity. they're so different that they're the same.

X dies in a stupid accident. Y tries to save his life, and, when it's not possible anymore, dies alongside, refusing to live in a world without him.

X dies and Y can't let go of the corpse. Even when the rotting visibly starts.

X has memory issues but he's done some terrible things (child murder, massacre). There is solid proof. Y does not believe that for a second, because Y knows X to the core.

None, I mean it, none of these is wincest.

But, looking back... How many of them fit to be? How many of them could fit with the right situation? How many of literally (imo) most heart-moving tropes seem to be made for this pairing of brothers whose love trascends any normal limits?

So, yeah... I'm really gonna dedicate myself to wincest these days.

#wincest #samdean #supernatural #spn thoughts #spn #wincest thoughts #shipping thoughts #what makes your otp the otp??? #please interact

[izzysillyhandsy]

Some Too many thoughts about episodes 4 and 5 and "Moving On"

This got wayyyy too long and rambly... but I had to write this down because it's been bugging me since last Thursday.

I have some issues with the last two episodes, episode 4 and 5, regarding, of course, my favourite character Izzy Hands and his relationship with Ed in particular.

Don't get me wrong - there was so much great stuff. I love Izzy finally being able show his feelings without having to pretend everything's alright - all it took was fucking things up so spectacularly that even Izzy didn't care what everyone thought of him. One could argue that the Kraken phase was necessary to "burn it all down" so to speak - Izzy and Ed needed this cathartic event to get out of their mutually harmful relationship.

But still... there is this underlying unfairness of it all, the disproportionate hate and aggression, the destruction of Izzy's whole life, sense of self and reality. What even are you?

Was this really necessary? Or, in other words, did Izzy have it coming? Did it serve him right?

And now that Izzy has decided to keep on living and has to deal with the trauma of being literally taken apart by the love of his life - is the only option available to him to completely distance himself from everything that happened (blow your brains out or move on)?

What happened in the first 3 episodes wasn't just Ed lashing out in anger, a payback for Izzy's betrayal. It wasn't just Ed going off the rails as a reaction to his most trusted friend pushing him towards violence at the lowest point of their lives. This wasn't "just" cutting a toe off in a moment of desperation and emotional breakdown.

No, Ed kept on going with destroying everyone and everything around him (and it was Ed, not whatever "Blackbeard" is supposed to be - Ed can clearly switch between the two and it is a concious decision to put on the Blackbeard mask to distance himself from his own cruelty).

And the person who he targeted almost exclusively was the person he was closest to, the person with obvious love for him (and of course Ed knows this), the person who kept falling apart before his very eyes and still tried to be there for him and, in his way, keep him safe.

I'm still not over the fact that Ed kept kicking Izzy who was already down, and just didn't stop until he was literally on his deathbed. And even then it wasn't over, there was one more act of cruelty left. Izzy killing himself felt natural and logical (and isn't that absolutely horrible?), almost a relief - "quick and clean" as Izzy'd put it.

Only the most ardent Izzy haters would still insist that Izzy deserved this (fucking hell, nobody deserves this, ever). Also, the show absolutely didn't frame it that way, Taika and Con (and the rest of the crew) didn't portray it that way - in my opinion, what Blackbeard did to Izzy was supposed to be seen as unforgivable (as opposed to other instances of casual violence depicted in the show).

So, as happy as I am with Izzy moving on to discover who he actually wants to be without Ed, episodes 4 and 5 left me confused and a bit frustrated. After all that happened in episodes 1 and 2, Ed can just go off be soft with Stede? He immediately comes back to the ship after being banished and gives the most half-arsed apology in history, then has fun showing off to everyone how nice he is now?

(Disclaimer: I love Ed, I love all the Ed/Stede scenes, that's not the point)

Where are the fucking consequences, show? That can't be it surely? Ed almost gets rewarded for just being Ed - contrast this with how the narrative (and parts of the fandom) kept on punishing and condemning poor Izzy for much, much lesser transgressions.

And it's apparently got to Izzy too, because now he blames himself as well:

Don't know what you're talkin' about. A shark did this. Dangling my legs over the side of the ship. Served me right, too.

NO IT DIDN'T, IZ. You thought you knew this man.

It actually makes sense that he'd see it this way, though.

Izzy's last conversations with Ed were his "I have love for you" (Come on) and Ed's "I dreamt that you killed me" (It was good for me - It wasn't even like that) where Izzy realized that nothing is/was as he thought it was.

Up to the end of S1, I believe this is what Izzy's whole life was built on:

a. Ed and Izzy are a team, captain and first mate, relying on one another. They've been together for a lifetime, they love and care for each other - not in so many words, not romantically (at least not for the last years or so, if ever) - but Izzy knows he would do anything for Ed (and I'm sure he has, many times), and Ed would probably do anything for Izzy (I'm not sure if Izzy's belief here is based on concrete events in the past, but I very much hope so).

b. It is Izzy's job to see that Ed is content and, above all, safe. Ed wouldn't trust anyone else with this.

c. Izzy talking back and challenging Ed's decisions is not only tolerated but expected.

d. They trust each other above everyone else, they know each other better than anyone has ever known them, noone can really come between them.

Now, it seems like:

a. Ed has/had no use for Izzy's love and concern.

b. Izzy has failed his job, and noone else could have failed as spectacularly.

c. it is Izzy's fault Ed lost his mind and will to live because Izzy dangled his legs over the side of the ship.

d. Ed's kept Izzy around because he's useful and convenient, but he's not irreplacable ("the hands that kill" if you excuse my pun, even used one last time to kill their master), and it only took a few weeks with fuckin' Stede Bonnet to make Izzy redundant.

In Izzy's mind, his whole life was a lie - he was never loved, appreciated, or even safe. And it was his own fault too.

DJ said in an interview that Izzy shooting Ed was him finally breaking up with him, and I agree (very generous of me, I know).

Izzy goes through the breakup phase alone - at first, he thinks Ed is dead, then he believes he has nothing else to say to Ed and Ed's said everything there was to say as well, no apology needed or expected. It's done.

BUT.

We know this isn't true, right? What kind of conclusion would that be to the most important relationship in the series (apart from that other guy, I forgot his name)? After all of this, all the implied backstory, all of Con's and Taika's brilliant acting choices - there must be something more satisfying coming then Yeah... well... Not movin' on is worse.

I hope I'm worried for nothing and the next 3 episodes will address this (but there's so little time! And there is so much else going on!).

Also, I'm fully aware that in episode 4 and 5 Ed was 100% in his arc with Stede (we had the Ed/Izzy arc in episodes 1 and 2 after all). Ed and Izzy didn't interact at all in both episodes (excepting the one look during the apology). While Izzy was shouting at headless unicorns, himself and an indifferent universe with his hair attractively in his face, Ed wasn't even on the ship. Izzy moved on without any confrontation, apology, without any contact to Ed at all. To keep on living, he had to distance himself from all the trauma and throw himself at Stede.

I just felt a bit drained after episodes 4 and 5 - for me, Ed and Izzy are the central relationship of the show, Ed and Stede are like an added bonus. And after the first 3 episodes, I felt the showrunners kinda went in that direction as well (not as completely as I did obviously). And then they put Izzy on a different path and decided not to waste time with Ed actually thinking about poor Iz at all.

I really, really hope they don't drop this fascinating dynamic just to make Izzy accept that life is great without Ed and Stede and Ed running off into the sunset. Izzy (and us) have invested too much energy and love into that relationship. I want them to come to an understanding, an acknowledgement of what they were to each other, and what they are now.

Some healing stuff, or whatever. To quote Hornigold, of all people: You gotta move on, ya know? Or... you blow your brains out. Or, we could just make some soup.

(Also, Ed has to suffer because of (losing) Iz. It's only fair.)

#ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd season 2 spoilers #izzy hands #edward teach #ofmd meta #I am afraid #please not another show dropping my favourite dynamic #actually I do trust them - it will be fine :)

[crobones]

listen, I went into this season fully anticipating Izzy dying at the end of it. This didn't blindside me. As the episodes went on, I saw the hints. I knew the narrative made sense, and I accepted it. I thought that, if it was done well, it would be cathartic maybe.

tw for mentions of suicidal ideation, codependency issues, alcoholism, and a liberal use of all of these words because they're the only ones I can think of that fit.

What caught me off guard was how fucking rushed and avoidable it was. How his death was turned into something for Ed, as opposed to him retaining his independence. From season one, we knew Izzy was codependent. And from the first episode of season two, we are shown and told rather explicitly that Izzy is now aware of this.

Before Ed wakes up, Izzy takes responsibility for the damage done to the Revenge. Everyone saw it as Izzy trying to protect Stede's memories of Ed, but that never really sat right with me and still doesn't. I think that Izzy took responsibility because he saw the abstract of his part in guiding Ed's grief of his perceived rejection into a what became the destructive force of the Kraken. Izzy told Stede they were both responsible for what was happening to Ed, but he'd been taking actively responsibility for the blame even between seasons one and two.

It's implied that Izzy redirected all of Ed's anger and fury towards himself in losing three toes. We see him actively try to keep the crew out of any confrontation he tries to have with Ed, trying to keep them safe. It's likely that the entire reason Izzy didn't shoot himself was not because he wanted to live, but because he knew Ed was going to take the entire crew with him and he wanted to stop it.

One question could be, if he saw it coming why not just shoot Ed when offered the chance? Because he was giving Ed another chance to redirect on his own without Izzy, but was too afraid that he might be wrong. Because Ed wasn't armed or defending himself, and shooting him would have gone against some moral code. Because, if Ed was going to die, he didn't want it to be just another tool in Ed's assisted suicide.

But then Ed looks at that incoming cannonball and says "Finally." Izzy wanted Ed to fight back. He wanted Ed to want to live. And so Izzy knows that Ed took the chance he was given and just turned it back into another wholly more catastrophic assisted suicide. Because of this, Izzy probably has a hard time forgiving either Ed or himself. His plan failed. How can he say goodbye to his closest friend when his plan to save him failed? He can't. So he keeps Ed on the ship.

He saved the crew, very nearly replaced his codependency on Ed with the crew itself. Izzy has always considered the safety of the crew a main priority, but his unhealthy relationship with Ed made it a constant loop of "How can the crew survive without Ed?" Yes, the core of that was focusing on how Ed and Izzy could keep each other a version of safe that Izzy found acceptable, but we can't discount the fact that Izzy always cared for the wellbeing of the crew.

Then, once Ed was removed from the equation, Izzy's focus briefly became "How can they survive without me?" Fortunately, Stede returned, and maybe Izzy figured if Stede and his crew can survive being torn apart and thrown together again time and time again, they won't need him. They got this far without him, they've already proven that they don't need him in order to survive.

After that, Izzy drinks. He drinks heavily. His self-destructive behaviour is no longer passive. He is consumed with the idea that he has no purpose. He lacks the will to live, but he's afraid to kill himself. Maybe because of every lingering what-if his alcohol-ridden brain can imagine, but maybe that's me projecting. Regardless, he's alive, but just barely.

Then the crew makes him the leg. He learns that they don't need him, but they want him around. He learns that usefulness isn't the only reason to live. He can live because of a love of life. Stede offers him something, but Izzy learns that having purpose isn't the meaning of life, but rather something that can bring people together.

All of this has been going through my head throughout the entirety of the season, so when I tell you I was ready for Izzy to die, I fucking mean it.

But what I wasn't ready for- what really took Izzy's entire character arc and threw it out the fucking window was several things.

One, Izzy has been self-sacrificing since the Kraken took over and even afterwards, so making this the consequence of more self-sacrifice due to drawing Ricky's attention was following the pattern. Behaviour like this is still aligned with suicidal ideation, even if the person wants to die "for a greater cause." Sacrifice can be an incredibly strong moment if done right, but usually not with characters who have a past of self-destructive behaviour. There's a difference between a protector protecting, and a suicidal character acting like a meat shield. One thinks they deserve to live but got caught in a bad situation, and one thinks they deserve to die and will put themselves into bad situations. A self-fulfilling prophecy where the endgoal is punishment or dying should not be rewarded with thinking they made the right decision.

Two, distancing Izzy from the crew - physically and emotionally - does weaken the connection that had been built between them all. Sure, the crew looked sad, and crying on screen is very difficult for any actor, but as opposed to even just brief close-ups, we get wide shots of them all looking vaguely uncomfortable. There could have been maybe Frenchie breaking down because he can't bottle or box up his grief anymore; Jim clinging to Archie and Olu because even they said "He's our asshole." Lucius hysterical laughing because Izzy was his biggest rival, but then became a source of reason and forgiveness, and his body doesn't know how to react to what he is feeling; Roach actually panicking because he's the doctor and he's supposed to be able to fix things like this. So many small moments could have happened, but they didn't because they didn't want to detract from Ed's pain.

Three, the Ed of it all. I'm happy that Ed was so impacted by what was happening. Ed is the only one that asks where Izzy is. Ed is the only one that waits for and carries Izzy until he calls for help from Frenchie. Ed is the only one that cries. Ed is the only one that holds him. And Izzy coddles him for it. Fucking thanks him for it. Guess Ed finally learned to shut up and listen? I'm happy he could have that character beat.

He has been selfish this season, and that alone pisses me off. (Bring back the Ed who cared enough to pretend to like treasure hunting because he wanted Stede to be happy.) But Izzy fed that selfishness when dealing with the Kraken, he incidentally fed that selfishness by never actually confronting Ed after he woke up, and Izzy making his own fucking death about Ed is still just feeding that selfishness. Izzy said he would die for Blackbeard way back in season one, and so this just reverted it all back to that moment.

Sure, it's foreshadowing, but literally taking a character arc and circling back to a place they were before any of the growth happened is just that. That's what the fucking tin says - all of that growth and progress you made and you still just ended up back at the beginning.

You found family and you care for each other? You're just going to die for someone who repeatedly rejects you. You broke the cycle of codependent and mutual abuse with that person? You're still going to die for them! You learned to enjoy life? Too fucking bad! Your death and everything that came before it amounts to nothing because you are a metaphor for another person being able to move on. There is no character agency, there is only metaphorical narrative. Whoopsie!

And "I want to go." Fucking hell. You tell me that it's him saying he is content in life and so he is content in dying- motherfucker he was never NOT okay with dying! He even mocked Ed for being unable to clean up his own mess and leaving it for Izzy to deal with. And so Izzy being unable to shoot himself is literally just echoing that same sentiment. There's a mess. It needs cleaning up. Izzy can't leave it to the crew to clean a mess he helped make.

So yes. I knew he would likely die. But I didn't expect it to essentially be assisted suicide from self-sacrifice, and for his final breaths to be making his own life and death about the very person he was codependent on from the beginning, thus invalidating any growth he made as a character. Yes, I saw the metaphor. Your metaphor sucks.

#izzy hands #spoilers #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd

[runawaymarbles]

personal top 5 ships

This hurts me because what are we DEFINING this by. Best ones?? Ones I read the most?? Most formative???

Dean/Cas. I've gone most of the summer without thinking about them much but im sure I'll relapse soon enough. You all know. This is the destiel website.

Silver/Flint (Black Sails) look. Look. Look look look. A story is true a story is untrue I will stand here with you for an hour a day a year he's my friend too I reached back into the past I don't know if this is a warning or a welcome you know all of me I can bear to be known you chose now live with it you gave it all up here in this moment I don't care. Okay???? Okay???????

Charles/Erik (X-Men). It's like. Love isn't everything and love isn't enough and yet. And yet!!!! You know that line from the Hamilton Mixtape when Angelica is like "what have we done with our lives, and what did it get us?" This is DOFP old!cherik and I'm fucked up over it. Love doesn't conquer all but it does keep you company in jail a couple times a month.

Spike/Buffy. I'm sorry, this was fucking formative for me. Toxic ship of my heart. How to hate yourself into a relationship that makes your life worse and you can't let go of and also can be good eventually if you let it. When I tell you that I love you it's not because I want you. I've seen the best and the worst of you. No you don't but thanks for saying it. Deceased.

Max/Anne (Black Sails). You ever decide the best solution to a woman wanting to kill you is to seduce her and then accidentally set off her gay crisis then immediately U-Haul while telling yourself she's going to leave you creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and planning for this eventuality while telling yourself that it's for the best anyway because you have career goals while never getting over her and then at the end of the day realizing half that shit doesn't matter??? Yeah me either these two are crazy. I love them.

Honorable mention: the version of Buck and Eddie that the 911 fanfic writers see. It's the BECAUSE, EVAN of it all.

Other honorable mention: the version of Clarke and Lexa in @entirelytookeen 's brain

#ask game #op #top ships #silverflint #destiel #cherik #spuffy #maxanor

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

A liveblog of a rewatch of my favorite lesbian film (Fucking Åmål)

Agnes having a "secret diary" on her computer it's so 90s.

"I am subtle about my crush on Elin" Meanwhile her diary:

It's so fucking funny how the first scene with Elin is her just POURING MILK OVER HER SISTER BECAUSE SHE DARED TO TAKE THE LAST OBOY (that's a chocolate drink) She's so impulsive and just says and does stuff all the time.

Everyone has known someone like Elin. And she was often the really annoying girl irl, but she's also just so young and naive and you can see there's just something else behind all of that.

Agnes' mom wanting her to have a party and AGNES DOESN'T WANT TOOOO AAAAUGGGHHH AND SHE DOES THIS BECAUSE OF HER MOM

Johan is so fucking awkward. He really tries to hit on Elin and she just disses him. Literally she doesn't want a ride and he's like "but you can carry the helmet if you want" HELP

NOT THE GIRAFFE NECK GIRL

Her name is Camilla but I call her giraffe neck girl because

Agnes... girl... stop doodling Elin's name you're not subtle

Victoria is so deeply afraid Agnes is gonna hit on her. Like. Agnes: So the french word for "bus"? Victoria: PUSS?! (this is the swedish word for "kiss") Agnes: ?? Agnes: Bus. Victoria: OH

Elin's lines in the cafeteria always cracks me up so much

Tfw you're grounded because you "accidentally had no pants on"

Listen like. I understand Agnes' mom, she just wants her daughter to have some friends. But she really does not understand her.

Oh no not the ableism... yikes

Agnes :((

Agnes litting up when she finds out Jessica and Elin have come over awwwwwwww

Not her mom giving them wine????

AGNES' COMPUTER IS ON AGNES HONEY GET A PASSWORD good thing Elin didn't see her diary cause.

Elin hearing the rumour about Agnes being a lesbian and her immediate thought is "Cool. I'm gonna be that too".

The 90s homophobia is strong, but some of these lines are so funny for no reason?? like?? Elin: What do I get if I kiss her? Jessica: AIDS, probably

Agnes' reaction to getting kissed by Elin isn't "omg I got kissed by my crush" it's shock, it's "what the fuck happened", and then when Elin and Jessica laugh and run away she just sits there. Not knowing how to feel. It's realistic.

Noooo Elin feeling so bad about it immediately and wanting to go back to apologize :(

Elin: *vomits* Johan: Fuck, you're so hot Elin:

Honestly same because who tf says this after you just have thrown up

Also how is this not a meme:

Fuck the self harm scene... aaaaaaaa I always forget it exists

Elin throwing rocks at the window :3

Ok I decided to translate my favorite exchange cause it's sooo

Tag your ship

Omg their talk about what they wanna be when they grow up <33

Elin: Do you think I am pretty enough to be a model?

Elin: Why are you so weird. Sorry for asking, but... you are weird. Agnes: You're weird, too. Elin: I want to be weird. Or... not weird, but I don't wanna be like everyone else. This exchange <33 They can be weird together

"It's just because you live in fucking Åmål" OOOOOOO

Elin is here with her dumb questions and Agnes is just

Let's go spontaneous trip to Stockholm woooooo

Imagine what would've happened if they actually went to Stockholm. THAT would have been a different movie.

AGNES GIVING HER A LITTLE KISS BEFORE GOING HOME

Not Jessica eating up all the chips because "otherwise their mom will wonder" and Elin is like "?? can't we be home without having eaten chips?"

ELIN MOANING IN HER SLEEP

Victoria is such a savage tbh.

"Good luck with Elin"

AAAAAAAAAAA JESSICA STOP BEING SO NOSY LET HER CALL HER!!

And Agnes will wonder why Elin isn't calling :( And Elin just WANTS to call but her nosy (but rightfully protective) sister is in the way :(

AND NOW ELIN HAS TO PRETEND SHE'S INTO JOHAN

Elin: Mom, I'm a lesbian Her mom: What?! Elin: Elin: Elin: Nah, I'm just joking

Not the random 30 second masturbation scene?? I mean this film has a very realistic portrayal of teenagers but. Well. At least it was just a zoom in on her eyes and not much else.

God living in a small town like these... everyone knows everyone...

NOT ELIN HANGING UP WHEN AGNES CALLS NOOOO her internalized homophobia :(

Agnes' dad sees so well that something is wrong and she can't tell himmmm

Elin: I wanna be a psychologist Jessica: YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT

So I know Jessica is just looking out for her, they kind of only have each other, but also she needs to give her some fucking privacy

Jessica: You get everything you want Elin: WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT I WANT? THE ANGST

Agnes' mom reading her diary AAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHYYYY

You know there's nothing to do in the small town when the teenagers play BINGO

Elin calling Johan from the OTHER ROOM to break up with him

Not the "you can't stand on an A-well because it means bad"

"No, I'm not feeling anything. No anal sex."

"I'm in love with someone else" AAAAAAA

THE CINEMATIC MIRROR WHEN AGNES HAS BEEN STARRING AT HER SCHOOL PHOTO ALL MOVIE AND NOW ELIN DOES THE SAME

Elin wanting to throw rocks at the window again and BREAKING THE WINDOW AND THE MUSIC JUST ABRUPTLY STOPS

TOILET CONFRONTATION LET'S GOOOO

Elin is so bad with words but god she tries... honey...

UGH and everyone outside banging on the door thinking she has a boy in there.

In this movie, no one comes out of the closet, they come out of the school restroom

"Ta da! Here is me, and this is my new girl! Could you move? We're gonna go and fuck!"

Wrote history!

"Fucking" means drinking oboy lmao

Elin just infodumping how she has too much chocolate powder in her milk

I really wonder what happens later. When they go back to school the next morning. When Agnes goes home to her mom who has read her diary. When Jessica finds out. But at the same time, it ends so sweetly. Right now it's only them and no one else.

This movie is really cheaply made. It's shot like it's some secret person recording these kids. It's awkward zooms and hectic cuts. But it also adds to the charm. It makes it feel... real. Like we're seeing them right now in these moments, not putting up an act.

Also, campy movies are the best movies :D

#fucking åmål #show me love #show me love 1998

[myon-94]

Hmm, back at you! I knew you liked Ray with Dimitri and I now know you don't like Niko with Packie (awesome, hehe), but are they actually the best and least?

Omg an ask what am I to do? Answer it of course this my one chance to talk abt gta ships without wanting to kms

Well if we're talking about non rarepairs and ships that actually have SOME ground in game then I must say Brucie and Roman might just be the best, their dynamic just works so well! In the sweet bellic (I think that's what it's called but it's the one where niko goes to kill that French Tom guy) the preferences written by Roman in niko's bio just seem to reflect Brucie a little too much and also Brucie did mention that "if he were queer" Roman would be in danger eheheh.

As for the least favorite, and I'm sorry everyone and especially to my 2019 baby gta stan self..it's gotta be dimitri and mikhail.

I know I know doomed old man yaoi is too good to pass but. I liked it a little when I first started getting into gta but as time passed I just found myself disliking it more and more.. Aside from the fact that mikhail is a married man with a grown daughter and cheating is a big no in my book, I just find their dynamic more and more toxic. Though that's normally not a big problem for me (I love misery) I think this time not only were they aggressive towards each other but I can't see a hint of romance in their interactions.

I see mikhail and dimitri as two people who were once friends- brothers even, who went through highs and lows together, who witnessed the death of their nation and tried to live in what was once their glorious union while still looking out for one another, and who immigrated to a far, foreign hostile country (most likely) without a penny to their name, and who were slowly and inevitably drifting apart..because nothing lasts forever.

It could've been the money and power, it could've been the painkillers and the coke, it could've been the fact that they were thousands of miles away from home and are still, even after a decade, in a foreign land they can't quite get used to.

Neither of them wanted to let go of the other. They could only trust each other. They were the only hint left of their old lives that neither wanted to forget. But everything was just..too much I guess? This couldn't keep on, and I believe it was dimitri who let go first.

I believe that by the time niko meets mikhail and dimitri the latter has already made up his mind about mikhail. What started as just boredom and annoyance of mikhail and his antics slowly manifesting into hate as his behavior started putting everyone in danger. I even think dimtri lied about the whole petrovic situation just to get an excuse to get rid of mikhail. And mikhail, well he didn't appreciate his friends distance in the slightest. But instead of thinking "maybe this is my fault" he just started to blame everyone and everything but himself, refusing to belive that he and only he was the reason his friend no longer liked him as much..and to cope he just undermines and makes fun of and blames dimitri any chance he can get; calling him paranoid, he blames him for the Lenny situation (though as I said I believe the whole fiasco was a lie) and in a deleted phone call he even accuses dimitri of sleeping with ilyena- the wife he cheats on every day. And to whom he complains? To the Serbian mercenary that knows nothing about any of them of course!

I especially find the moment where he says to niko "Dimitri would've been some prison meat if not for me" incredibly low because..you don't just say such a thing. It's cruel and it's disgusting and serves no purpose other than make dimitri look small in the eyes of others. I find his end quite fitting, rare niko W.

I do think they fucked once or twice tho :3 but they most certainly aren't in love.

BUT if we ARE talking about rarepairs then ohh boy...nothing beats dimitri and boccino. They're like. the ship ever. Still my proudest moment when I thought of these two together one Monday night 😮‍💨✨️ I rambled WAY too much abt mikhail and dimitri I know no one will read this if I talk abt ray and dimitri.

And least favorite rarepair..well there aren't many cuz yk they're rare. But I think Niko and Derrick for no other reason than because they always kill off my babygirls francis and boccino and talk shit about them for the rest of the fic. #Fuck Derrick I hate this lying drug addict rat.

#holy shit #im sure character/ OC dont count and i still hadn't figured a consistent story yet so here you go #sorry if this is too long and pretentious vik #just couldn't stop myself #gta iv #dimitri rascalov #mikhail faustin #ray boccino #dimitri/boccino #s

[avelera]

There's a fake marriage fic you wrote from a while back and I absolutely love and obsess over it. In "Come live with me and be my love" how is Dream feeling about the whole "small town life"? Like I know we've established that the rumors are not the best, but have they enjoyed it at all? Are there any aspects in particular that they like about walking with humanity in that story?

Absolutely love your work btw!!!

So the "small town" aspect of "Come live with me and be my Love" is not quite done yet! In fact, the chapter I'm working on now is going to continue delve into the *mumble mumble oh god why didn't i ever name this place mumble* town life a bit more!

Gonna cut for spoilers and rambling!

I know you didn't ask about Hob but I'll quickly make an aside about him: Hob deliberately chose a really small, landlocked, agrarian town where he could sell books as a way to distance himself from the "shipping business". He figured that between going back to printing, which eventually brought him to "Mr. Fell" and bookselling, and going into business on his own from the urgings of Mr. Wentworth, that he'd found a quiet place where he could spend 5-10 years just... chilling. Being as self-sufficient as possible, in a low-cost rural area, where he couldn't hurt anyone, with a trade that he knows and that is about as far away from "shipping" as he could possibly get in terms of direct impact, and where he was nominally about as distant as one could be in the 1810s from a global evil that helped prop up the burgeoning British Empire that's about to explode in even further in the wake of the Napoleonic Wars.

Basically, I don't personally see Hob as a superhero setting out to right wrongs after he made his personal reparations, insofar as he could, to the people he personally wronged, but I do see him pulling inward for a time to reassess himself and the world at the dawn of the Industrial Revolution, when all of a sudden one man can in fact cause tens of thousands of people to suffer because of industrialized human trafficking, among other evils, without being a king or even particularly important, unlike Hob's early days as a bandit or a soldier where, yes he's killed and robbed and probably done all sorts of unsavory things but at least he did those on a largely individual basis.

So Hob's reasons for picking this town are, to me, sort of important for understanding what Dream does or does not get out of being there.

Anyway! I'm really passionate about Hob's headspace in this story so, to your actual question, is Dream enjoying this life at all?

Thing is, what Dream is going to enjoy about this life is coming up in future chapters. It's only been about a week (ugh) and Dream is still majorly reassessing a lot of his assumptions about what this bet would mean to take part in. He's falling in love with Hob on a level he never expected (he was entirely geared up for "fuck buddies" and that was it), he was expecting the human life part to be negligible and beneath his notice, only to discover it was far more complicated than he anticipated.

Dream's realizing there are consequences that come from his decision to pick Hob as a husband. He picked Hob as the human he'd most want to spend a year with, but in a "if I had to pick a human" sort of way. But Hob's immortality and friendship and good qualities with regards to Dream like his devotion and love, mean that Dream can't just fuck around, prove the point that he's fine with being human-ish for a year, without consequence. If he fucks up Hob's life, if he damages that friendship, that doesn't go away! Because Hob's not going anywhere!

So Dream is still much more in the, "Ok, what IS this year ACTUALLY going to be like, now that it turns out ALL of my assumptions about it were wrong because I deeply underestimated why Desire picked this particular setting and challenge for me and maybe possibly put more thought into planning this challenge, uniquely for me, than I put into my own plans for them if I won?"

To that end I will say: Dream just hasn't really thought about if he likes human life in this town in general yet. I'd argue that even by the end of this year, I'm not sure there's aspects of human life he's going to be particularly nostalgic for.

Thing is, this isn't Retired Dream AU. It's not like he's getting to skip out on work while he's here. Actually, Dream is doing all his usual work as Dream Lord but with 1/3 of the time to do it, as Hob sleeps at night, so if anything, he's even more overworked. This isn't a Dream who is bereft of powers, either. They're just dampened. So he's more annoyed at his limitations than he is having revelations about real human life. Because even Desire doesn't really want to live as a human, they're not doing this the way Death does it for a day, with totally memory wipe and no powers, it's at most a slightly depowered version of when Dream and Death went to the White Horse in the first place.

All the lessons for Dream have to do with Hob. Dream is seeing Hob in his (*nature documentary voice*) natural habitat: blending in as an immortal in normal human life. He's seeing Hob hold down a job, at a time when Hob doesn't have any sort of immortal reserves to fall back on, because he gave it all away as reparations and truly started again from scratch. So Hob losing his business isn't a laughing matter like it would normally be! Dream's having more time to hear Hob's life story, he's getting more opportunities for Hob to "come to his defense" and he's seeing just how much Hob cares and wants to do that.

Dream's real experience here, the thing he would look back on fondly about life in this town, is... the chance to see who Hob really is, and the realization that the person he meets at the White Horse is a very curated version of Hob, at best, and maybe not even as curated as Hob would like when Dream won't even pay attention to him for the full length of Hob's prepared report. He's learning what he means to Hob in this town, and what matters to Hob in general, and how Dream matters to Hob more than his job, or this town, or his livelihood, or any human concern. Like, it's not even close, Hob will drop everything to make Dream happy.

And that's a very novel experience for Dream, whose own wife didn't even move in with him when they were married!

And one last reason I'm not super able to say what this town means to Dream is, well, a year is a long time. A very long time to put up with small town politics. And the world is a very big place. And Hob may never get a chance like this again to live with Dream for a year.

So asking about the town is a little like asking about the starter zone in a video game ;)

#arranged marriage au dreamling #come live with me and be my love #dreamling

[adickaboutspoons]

Tagged by @chocolatepot. Thank you, my v. dear!

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason. <3

First fic: On AO3, that would be my drabble collection for Pet Shop of Horrors. Far from baby's first fic(s), but the first that I published where other people could see from way back in the hazy yesteryear of Livejournal. First fic ever was a Mary Sue self-insert Dracula fic. It was terrible beyond words.

Last fic: Last fic FOR NOW is When a Good Plan Comes Together. And frankly? I can't recommend it. I've been fighting myself about maybe taking it down for a week now, because it kind of makes me cringe to think that might be the first thing of mine someone reads. It's not that it's BAD, per se, but it is v. LAZY. I saw a prompt and wanted to knock out a response to it, and a quick one, because I'm currently working on three other fics that require a lot more mental energy. But that meant handwaving the titular plan and "fade to black"-ing on the sex scene, and that's not really up to my normal standards.

Only once: I tend to be fandom-monogamous, and, within my hyperfocus, OTP-centric, so the closest I've got fic-wise is Unbelievable, which is kinda Geoffrey Fettering/the allure of Stede Bonnet's escape to piracy, if you squint at it. Vid-wise, my first vid ever was for my wifey, featuring her favorite character from The Umbrella Academy, Klaus, and I've got a Stede/Hornberry set to "I've Got A Crush On You."

Favorite fic from the fandom I've written in most: Technically, I think I've written more individual drabbles for Pet Shop, but since they're all grouped together, I'll go with OFMD, in which case, it's Like I Want to be Awake. It's prolly what I would consider my best writing to date - funny but still earnest, the first sex scene I've actually found hot while writing it, and, I flatter myself, a solid Ed-voice with some v. creative cursing.

Fic I wish more people read: I mean, the answer is also "Like I Want to be Awake" because I love it so much, and I want other people to love it too. But other than that, my Stede Sonnets. I know, sweetie, I know. You had a bad English teacher who didn't know how to teach poetry, and prolly didn't really know how to teach Shakespeare, so now you hate all poetry, and ESPECIALLY a stuffy, restrictive format like sonnets. But I'm urging you to find it in your heart to give it another go. I think you might find that, because the subject matter is fandom-centered, you might be predisposed to give the slightest damn about what it's about, and able to relax into the format. And you might even find that sonnets don't have to be stuffy - they can be funny, or dare I say, even flirty and sexy.

Fic I agonized over: The answer is also also "Like I Want to be Awake". I'm SOOOO unendingly lucky to have a marvelous group of Discord friends that let me endlessly whinge on at them. It was supposed to be a silly one-shot companion piece to Footsteps in the Dark (just over 1K). Over the course of 3 weeks, it grew into a 16K monster. Mostly because the boys wouldn't shut the fuck up about matchbooks. I agonized whether including a Maori folk story was appropriative or a respectful allusion to the culture from which Ed's mother came. I found a story I loved that was thematically relevant to the rest of the story and wrote up my own version, and then decided to double-check for alternative versions, only to find it was labeled "Maori," but was actually written by a London-born white woman who was a teacher in Ateoroa in the late 1800s. So now that only lives on the Discord server because there was no way I could use it, but the writing was good. Then, after I'd found a different story, researched it, and THEN wrote it up, I agonized over whether just glossing over Stede telling the story of Snow White with Ed's reactions thereunto, since it would doubtlessly be more familiar to my readers, would be othering to the Maori story (that they might not be familiar with, and would therefore necessitate a full telling), or if I DID do a full retelling if that would be obnoxious. I agonized over whether it cut off too abruptly. About whether it counted as a downer ending when really it just dovetails back into canon. About whether the title too like that of a fandom juggernaut, or if maybe I should choose a different lyric from the Petshop Boys song from which I took the original story in order to link them that way? Like I said - I am SO lucky my buddies are so patient with me.

Fic that sprang fully formed: Definitely Your Achilles. I was about half-way through Beautiful and Useless when Ed's voice interrupted Loud and Clear and Insistent that his version be told. From then on, I was basically writing the two stories simultaneously.

Work(s) I'm proud of: Almost all of the above (not you, "When a Good Plan Comes Together" - you sit there and think about what you've done!), but also Advanced Maneuvers , because it was has the first sex scene I'd ever written, and, even though my brain fought me tooth and nail the entire way through, it's not half bad, Time Enough because it was my first time trying to write action, and I'm pretty pleased with how it came out, Under Par because it was my first attempt at a modern AU and I think it's pretty cute, and Dearly Beloved because it's a lot of fun.

A tag to summon (but no presh): @bizarrelittlemew @emi--rose @epersonae @nicnacsnonsense @poetic----nonsense

#ofmd #ofmd fic #our flag means death

[dragon-business]

Parallels between Majima-Makoto and Kiryu-Tachibana

TW: SA mention + brief discussion of the Hole in the 3 paragraphs that are in brackets right under the cut.

So, for Majima Makoto was (amongst other things) a complicated metaphor of getting away from the bad past and being saved and healing and of having a chance to get your freedom and life back.

I can't, my heart tears itself apart thinking about them… it's all in the 👌 facing your pain through recognition in the other 👌the projection 👌 the empathy and mutual understanding 👌

(Speaking of them understanding each other, I do think some form of SA happened in the Hole, but like all SA it wasn't about sex, it was about control. It was part of the torture. I maybe even approve of how it was approached with some respect in the story, while still being a clear read.)

(And just like that I do not think Shimano or Sagawa were sexually abusing Majima after the Hole. They had different, no less terrifying ways to do that.)

(The deepest way Majima bonded with Makoto? The careful way they both talked around the past? And it breaks my heart how even with all this Majima went "well, it's nothing compared to what you went through.")

Facing Makoto as a mirror of himself Majima finds out he can't not try and be his best self. He finds out that for her he'd do anything no one ever did for him. Finds out he can never be like people that did terrible shit to him, even after many years of his self sacrificial crusade of revenge.

These stories fit together like pieces of the puzzle, the parallels are killing me. For Majima, helping Makoto is like holding on to a plank of wood in the middle of a storm, it's desperate and painful, like re-breaking a badly healed bone.

I don't even ship them. Partially because I read Majima as a gay man, partially because there is a lot of importance and value and reverence in this relationship even without the romance. My heart can barely handle how important they are to each other.

Ok, many words I can write on them aside, they are each others' symbols/final push for standing up for themselves, of taking their life back. And for Majima Makoto is also the symbol of the future and all the good things that can be possible. In the world and for Majima specifically.

And the terrible, scary question is – was Tachibana a symbol of a different, safer and more gentle life for Kiryu, too?

Because parallels.

Because despite trying so hard to get into yakuza world, Kiryu still fell so neatly into the civilian job. Because with all the fucked up stuff going on in the family at the time, it was Tachibana who was always pulling Kiryu out to safety, to normal life.

Because amongst the fucking despicable assholes killing and ruining lives in the blood and dirt over a tiny piece of land, Tachibana was there to find and save his family.

He did go into all the criminal stuff very young, like Kiryu - for his family. But unlike Kiryu, who was naive and didn't want to be left out, Tachibana did it to survive and to protect his family. And is now dealing with it all again, just to get his close ones back (Kiryu also became one of those close ones to get out of this mess along the way). He was all stoic face mute rock type, up until he learned that he can do it. And then he turned all his life around, put his everything into working for freedom from this bad shit.

And here comes Kiryu, repeating the same steps, getting into the mafia, going down the dark path for his own family. The moment of self recognition hit Tachibana like a top tier sports car, I bet. He's smart, he can piece together a lot of background info going around, considering he knows Kazama as well.

And Kiryu turned out to be not just a shivering big eyed puppy Tachibana picked up from a box in the rain. But a shivering big eyed puppy with themes and narratives. That is not only loyal, but also kind and stubbornly honest.

After a lifetime of treading half submerged in all the dirt of this world, this probably felt like a breath of fresh air (dang, Kiryu gets everyone with this).

*Gestures between Oda and Kiryu* Tachibana really got hit with the difference, didn't he.

Tachibana and Kiryu are 25 and 20! Majima and Makoto are 24 and 20! Insane, I'm going feral. 

It's all coming together.

Projections, parallels.

Because along the course of 0 Kiryu came full circle to Tachibanas' position both factually and personally. Because Tachibana and his quest of saving his family was the embodiment of all Kiryu wanted to be and to believe in in the world.

It's through helping him Kiryu finally faces the real world and who he wants to be in it. And turns out it wasn't the yakuza world. Him being connected to yakuza made this worse and harder, actually. Thank g-d he wasn't a yakuza anymore, right, hahah, sorry, dad.

Setting Kiryu up with Tachibana was probably the nicest thing Kazama did for Kiryu. Amongst all the manipulation and overt powerplays, only Tachibana was direct and honest with him (oh Tachibana, and his kokoro doking with Kiryu, man knows the value of honesty, and Kiryu has it in buckets).

- The parallels are very clear, and beautiful. Letting go of the past seemed imminent, freedom was within grasp.

But then Tachibana fucking dies in Kiryu's arms, and Majima doesn't let himself reconnect with Makoto, and both of them go "Yeah, I'm back in the family, it's all good, this is a nice logical choice I'm making here".

Majima lost Makoto on the last stretch of her journey, because his fucking past caught up to him (oh, the parallels), and so his metaphor was robbed of its conclusion. It was switched into another form of "you can't run away". It all would've been so different if they stayed together through it all.

Still, he didn't fully see, acknowledge his own trauma, until it looked at him with Makoto's eyes. Makes "you can't run away" more painful, tho.

And look at Majima afterwards – coming back to work under Shimano. But it's all alright now, he's free now, look, he's so crazy and wacky, crazy enough that no one can really control him anymore. Well except Shimano, who can still silence Majima with just his presence. But they don't meet much, so it's okay. It's fine.

And look at Kiryu, look at his past catching up to him, and taking Tachibana away from him. Look at Kiryu trying to help, but inadvertently causing death (hello, Jingu massacre, we didn't know about you yet, but Kiryu’s guilt from you looms over the Millennium Tower, too). Look at Kiryu's metaphor for the happier life wither away, while Tachibana is dying in his arms. 

(And Kiryu didn't even cry. We didn't see his face once. He let Makoto grieve her brother, because, what, he felt she had more rights for it?)

Look at Kiryu coming back into the family to "take his responsibilities". Because there's no responsibilities or future left for him outside of it.

Do you see what I mean? Do you understand?..

I want Kiryu and Majima to talk about Tachibana and Makoto. Because something something, they are the only ones who can understand all of this, understand what it means to the other. Something something, the shadows of Tachibana and Makoto meeting in Majima and Kiryu, like they couldn't meet in real life, and everything suddenly makes sense.

Something something, no one being a stand-in for anyone in this exchange, and this bit of the past now connecting Majima and Kiryu to someone, instead of separating them from the world.

But, I'm pretty sure, Majima will be able to have this conversation only after getting closure with Makoto, in his pre k2 substory. And I'm not saying I wrote it all out already… well, no, I am saying it. I did it.  We all need more hope and heart wrenching kazumaji moments.

So I guess you can look forward to the day I'll get to translating them (I'm going through all the notes in order, trying to not jump around too much)

- before / navigation / next

#yakuza #yakuza 0 #kazumaji #majimako #tachikiryu #goro majima #kiryu kazuma #tetsu tachibana #makoto makimura #this is canon now #tw: sa #tw: sa mention #to avoid start reading from 'Facing Makoto as a mirror of himself' under the cut

[belabellissima]

✨💭🍰 for the ask game!

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing:

Y’all started with the hard stuff 😅 alright uhhh

1) emotional - I feel like I'm really good at conveying what characters are feeling (at least when its angst) and bringing readers along on that journey

2) hopeful - except for my one mcd fic (but even then I wrote a second ending where it was happy and hopeful again), i only write happy endings. Like no matter how bad it gets, there's always something good waiting beyond that. Because life would suck without hope - it's imo one of the strongest things in the universe, and I like my writing to reflect that.

3) physical - i was told one (1) time during one of my classes that I was very good at writing the physicality of the characters during a fight scene, to the point that the reader had absolutely no trouble or confusion what-so-ever about where the character was, what they were doing, which hand the weapon was in, etc. and proceeded to make that my entire writing personality for years. Any time i write an action scene specifically, i think back to their complement and try to judge whether the new scene would get that same commentary, and if I think the answer is no, i go back and edit it to that internal standard. Which i think leaves the writing very easy to understand and easy for the reader to feel when reading.

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

ooh this one took me awhile to come up with! I don't really know if it means like... about my writing as a whole? or just one of my fics? So I'm going with the second. I 100% headcanon that azris is real in my State of Grace series (ace!Elain and amnesia!Feysand). I have more fics planned in this series and hope to get azris' story one day, but i don't have any ideas at all for them yet so it remains headcanon. I also headcanon that when Nesta finds out Feyre thought she was a puca she finds it hilarious (though she'll never admit to it), and doesn't let Feyre live it down for at least a decade.

🍰 Name one eight of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

I have so many for all the different ships let me try and narrow it down😫 and put them below the cut!

Feysand:

The A Court of Faded Dreams series and The Outlier, both by the-lonelybarricade. ACoFD is so good at making the angst of UTM and the fallout of time travel be heartwarming, and is definitely a favorite of mine to reread. Meanwhile The Outlier is adorable and definitely a comfort fic when I want to read something short and sweet with flustered!Rhys.

A Court Outside of Time by Sonata_IX - I reread this one so often its not even funny. Feyre trying to seduce Rhys while he's still wearing his UTM mask is hilarious, heartbreaking, heartwarming, and all around amazing. And the Starfall scene???? Rhys learning he's going to be a dad?🥹

What Dreams May Come by as_with_a_sunbeam - sick fic with feyre taking care of Rhys. What else is there to say? Feyre's desperation to save Rhys, only to be as self-sacrificial as him and give him up? It's so good I can feel Rhys' heartbreak every time I read, which makes the happy ending so so sweet.

Nessian:

Anything by TheTeaQueen - she writes Nesta so fucking well and has put out phenomenal fics focusing on Rhys and Nesta bonding. I'm in awe with every single one. Of Death and Resurrection specifically is amazing, and one I return to over and over again.

Begged and Borrowed Time by daughterofthesea - seriously go read this fic. Its so good and heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. One of my favorites hands down - Cassian noticing the embroidery right off the bat? Seeing something that even her sisters haven't noticed? Nesta admitting the truth to him when she can't to anyone else? I die in the best way. 🥹

Elucien:

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room and Don't Blame Me by separatist-apologist are my go-to fics when I need a pick-me-up. I think don't blame me was actually the first of mb's fics I ever read (it is I just checked), and SDIABR will always hold my heart with the fake-courting to real-feelings pipeline, and the way Lucien reacts when he learns of the truth, running around all night to help them out.

Literally the reason it took so many days to post this is that I got sucked into rereading these fics as I linked them😅

#ask game #shows up five days later with coffee: what did I miss? #anyway thanks for sending this in!