#but i also think avoiding loud triggering (for a bunch of different reasons) noises is like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

z0mbiekat · 5 months

Text

Hii!! Yes, I can absolutely do that!

All the brothers, dateables too of course, love their little exchange student very much!! They couldn’t think of a reason not to love you, even when you tell them about being autistic.

Lucifer

- He’s so supportive, oh my gosh.

- Upon learning this, he asks you questions about things that bother you or certain triggers (so he can avoid them in the future).

- And if you’re over/under stimulated he’s swooping you up, no matter what, and taking you some place to make it better.

Mammon

- Doesn’t get it at first.

- “Eh?? That’s what everyone does though, ain’t it?”

- He’s about to make a life changing discovery.

- Don’t get me wrong, he’s extremely supportive!

- He’ll listen to you talk about it and even buy you merch from your favorite things (or make it if the fandom is relatively small)!!

- I’d also imagine he hates loud noises as well, so he knows all the quietest places in RAD.

Leviathan

- Oh my gosh.

- This man FREAKS OUT when he finds out, but not in a bad way.

- In fact, he’s over the moon.

- He’s finally found someone who shares his passion for things!!!

- Definitely buys you two fidgets or chewlery if that’s something you use.

- He’s making you two outfits and cosplaying with you that same night.

Satan

- As long as he’s been alive? He knows everything about these types of things.

- Researches even more about it and reads autobiography’s about people that are autistic.

- He finds things he thinks you might enjoy and buys them, no matter the cost!

- Always making sure you’re comfortable when you two are out in crowded places.

Asmodeus

- I feel like people never give Asmodeus enough credit! :(

- Asmo is very smart! He would make sure he knows everything there is to know about what it’s like, just for his favorite human!

- Buys you a bunch of sensory toys! Asmodeus loves physical feelings. :)

-He’s obsessed with the way velvet and silk feels, so expect to see a bunch of things like that lying in a pretty box on your bed.

Beelzebub

- Understands completely.

- Beelzebub has so much compassion for his brothers, despite whatever challenges they may face.

- You’re no different.

- Definitely has a lot of experience when it comes to comforting people (Belphie).

- “Don’t ever be afraid to come to me with any problems.”

- Buys you foods that don’t trigger sensory issues!!!! (and foods you may be really interested in)

- And if any of the other demons at RAD make fun of you.. oh dear.

- They’ll be missing the next day.

Belphegor

- So supportive and patient.

- He’s holding your hand in crowds or just being closer to you if you don’t like being touched and he’s making sure nothing is too much/not enough.

- He would also spoil the hell out of you.

- Buying you your favorite things, sensory things, headphones if you’d like, and comfortable pillows.

Datables next!!!

Please let me know if I did anything wrong, I used most of my own experiences for this.

#obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me satan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #can you tell who’s my favorite brother?? lol

57 notes · View notes

celebduwen · 4 months

Text

I feel like a lot of people think Migraines are just headaches but more painful when in fact, a lot of it (if not most of it) is the time before and after.

The pain itself and how bad it is (also where it is) can vary from episode to episode, sometimes it’s bearable, sometimes it might be at a point where even the slightest bit of light or sound feels. . . I’m bad at describing stuff.

But yeah, where the pain itself is can also vary, behind an eye, the other eye, the forehead. Etc. What the pain feels like can also vary, from feeling like something trying to push open your head to get out or a very sharp pain. You get it.

Auras are a big thing and another part that people without migraines know about. (At least I think so.) For those who don’t; they’re sort of things that happens before the pain sets in or arrives, examples are gradually losing your sight, trouble focusing, losing balance and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember. They’re sort of the que for “OK, time to take my medicine as soon as possible” or well, you try to get to safety as fast as possible. They typically last for a couple minutes to a couple hours, sometimes even throughout the entire migraine.

I’m unsure about how other people experience auras and stuff, but for me I get different ones according to how bad the migraine will be.

As another thing, the part that I feel like is often overlooked. The Postdrome. I actually found out it had a name recently. It’s the period after the Pain and it can vary a lot, both in length and in effects. It’s sort of the period where you might be extra sensitive to your triggers, feel tired all the time, have difficulty speaking right or coordinating, or feel very inspired and stuff, also adding an etc. here, cause there’s a lot of diversity. Personally I get really chatty for example, even though I also feel extremely tired and have slurred speech, fun combo)

Triggers are another thing, maybe I should have put this at the start because it’s sort of, the main thing people without migraines should know, but eh.

So, there’s a lot of them, some people have several, some have one, some have none and just get migraines seemingly at random. I’ll try to list the ones I can remember now at the end of the post.

Some triggers are easy to avoid like specific foods and stuff. Chocolate, artificial sweeteners, coffeine, etc. Specific tastes can also be here. Like bananas or cheap apple juice. Something to note about foods is that, while some have it as a migraine trigger others can lessen the impact/harshness (I have no good English words for this) of the migraine, I can use caffeine (mostly tea) to alleviate the pain when the pain is dim for example)

On the other hand there are the triggers that may be near impossible to avoid in normal day to day life. Strong smells, chemical smells, heavy or thin air, bright or intense sounds, etc. etc.

The hard to avoid ones are sort of the main reason I made this post. I have an earnest hope that people who end up seeing this try to avoid doing things that can set off these things, some of them can be really easy to avoid doing. (Like Avoiding using a lot of perfume)

Sincerely; someone on the 6th day of migraine after effects (two of them full effects) due to people using perfume a lot and just a lot of activity.

The list

The hard ones

Perfume

Spray deodorant

Harsh light

High pitched noises

Loud sounds

Heavy/still air (rooms with a lot of people or outside with no wind/temperature change from outside in some cases)

Pressure changes (when the weather changes, before storms, etc.)

The (maybe) easier ones

Caffeine

Artificial sweeteners (aspartame, acesulfam etc.)

Chocolate

Apple juice

Sweat (strong on the maybe here, sometimes near impossible)

Chemical smells (in most cases)

Sports soap

Bananas

Too little or too much sleep

The lists are short, so feel free to add more.

There are some ways to help avoid some of them. Like how masks can help with avoiding string smells (those masks from The Pandemic may help) eh. Add more in tags I guess.

#migraine with aura #migraine #migraines #headache #medical stuff #chronic illness #dunno how to tag this #I would have tried to put more small tips #but I’m only talking from experience and what I’ve heard from other people #also some research #so I’m putting them here in the tags #several triggers may help others as stated earlier #massages may help some people. loosen the muscles #eating properly and at set times of day #physical activity is important #energy drinks may help for some for me they can put the pain in a sort of stasis. it still hurts but I can manage until the end of the #workday or musical gig. or that one play I really wanted to see #I probably left out a lot of stuff #memory loss. at least of the time of the migraine might also be a thing #but I haven’t asked other people about it and I have other stuff that might have caused that #I had almost non stop headaches for half a year and I don’t remember that year #I hope people actually see this #I’m so tired #tags are hard

0 notes

mooooooosicals · 3 years

Text

Why is it that I just learned what neurodiversity was when quarantine started? Why did I not learn about it when I was younger? I'm just... It answers so many questions that I've been asking about myself for years.

Learning that everything I've felt actually falls under certain categories that go against the stereotypes I was taught... it both relaxes me and angers me. I just wish I were taught right from the start how it actually works.

I realize I've been being too vague so lemme give y'all some examples:

As a kid, I was always taught "person first language is more polite." And I thought I was being inclusive when I used it. Or when people say "go easy on them, they don't know any better," literally infantilizing them, and I just accepted it as "yeah, that's what I should do."

Believe me, if I could take back all the ableist actions I did before educating myself, I would do it in a heartbeat. I regret it deeply, and nothing I can do will ever cancel that out. Learning what I did during quarantine, a large amount of guilt took over me thinking back to everything I've done in the past. I hope I've changed for the better, but I cannot deny that I was in the wrong before learning.

Another thing that just absolutely tears me apart is that a lot, like a LOT of my traits are considered neurodivergent, but I was never taken seriously. I faced a lot of "oh, she's gonna grow out of that," "you're being a baby," "she's an only child, they're all like that," "what are you, [insert r slur here]?", "weirdo," and the one that hurts the most, "suck it up."

I always felt distant from other people, never being able to figure out why I couldn't connect with other people in the same way, say, my parents could. I understood that there was something... different about me, about the way I thought about the world, the way I communicated, but I couldn't put my finger on it. For 16 years of my life, I couldn't figure out why, why I was mocked so often, called a "crazy cat book girl," being the butt of every joke the Boys™ would make. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't function under triggering situations, like sudden loud noises, where I would literally go nonverbal. I couldn't understand why what I said was considered "rude" or how I was "talking too loud." I couldn't understand why tapping my foot or twirling my hair was bad and needed to be stopped. I didn't know why I got weird looks whenever I started talking about something I was enthusiastic about in class. I could go on and on and on and on and on for ages but this ramble is long enough as it is so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Just. For so long. I couldn't understand myself.

Enter quarantine.

I turned to the internet to indulge on one of my new "intense obsessions" as I called it (another thing I always questioned, since when I was obsessed with something, I went all in, annoying everyone around me hehe). I met a bunch of people who happened to be neurodivergent, and when talking about their own experiences and realizing how much I related to them, I went into a panic.

For so long I was taught "you [neurotypicals] are above [neurodivergent people]" (which is wrong, on so many levels, we need to do better on education about this kinda stuff). Then, I find out just how much I have in common, and suddenly everything I thought I knew is put into question. Who even am I?

Ever since them, I've just considered myself a "spicy neurotypical" because I don't wanna offend anybody by labelling myself as neurodivergent and then being wrong, but recently I feel like that's changed.

I finally got through to my parents when they realized that I could not just "suck it up," I have traits that actually need to be addressed, and urgently. I honestly think it broke them, my mom in particular, because she always wants to be the best mom she can and to not have anything hold back her relationship with her daughter. I'm glad she finally is starting to see through my lens, but it's still gonna take a while. Still, I'm relieved in that aspect.

Ever since then, we've been pursuing a diagnosis of some kind, more specifically sensory processing disorder, so that when I go to college I can get accomadations. I won't have an official examination until August 4, just a few weeks before entering college on August 30, just a few weeks before I become a legal adult on August 26.

I had a meet up with one of the people who works with the psychologist the other day, to kind of get a sense of my situation. It was odd because they didn't just ask me about sensory stuff, but also about how I act. The more questions I answered about my behavior, the more I came to realize this wasn't just a sensory issue, but a behavioral situation as well.

My mom was on the phone with them the other day and-

They theorize I'm autistic.

You don't realize how emotional of a realization that is for me.

No dude, like I'm actually tearing up writing this.

If only someone could have told me this when I was younger.

If only someone could have told me this when I was at a Wiggles concert, having a meltdown because of the confetti canons.

If only someone could have told me this when I was overwhelmed by the flahsing lights and the loud pyrotechnics when watching Phantom Of The Opera.

If only someone could have told me this when I couldn't connect with my band section and I couldn't figure out why they were treating me as a kid when I'm older than some of them.

If only someone could have told me that it's okay. That I'm not a lost cause. I'm not immature. I'm not a weirdo, I'm not [words I can't repeat], I'm just. I'm just me. Just imagine how much trauma I could have avoided.

(disclaimer: these traits can be found in neurotypical people too. it's the fact that I have so many of these traits that gives me and others the reason to believe I could possibly be neurodivergent. However it's a whole spectrum of stuff, it's different for everyone. Don't use me as a resource. These are just my experiences.)

TLDR: As someone who is afab, we aren't taken seriously until it's too late. And it's extremely damaging.

We need to do better. Actually. We need to better.

(sorry this was really long, I'm just very emotional rn. might delete this later. I may not even be autistic or have sensory processing disorder or adhd or any of that. I may just turn out to be "spicy neurotypical." But who knows. I'm just,,, I'm just praying that I'll get my answers in time. The right answers.)

#jocelyn saying random things #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #uhhh ig I'll put autism as a tag here too bc it does mention that #autism #it could turn out that i dont have anything at all #but that seems highly doubtful #sensory processing disorder #spd #long post #ramble

22 notes · View notes

re-diesirae · 3 years

Text

Chapter 4

1. Claire

Her head hurt like hell. That was the first thought that crossed Claire's mind as she regained her senses. Her surroundings were dark, and she felt the unfamiliar rocky ground under her hand.

"Great," Claire sighed, grabbing her head and feeling a little dizzy, "Why do I always end up in these places?"

The auburn headed looked around, ignoring the dizziness and the need to throw up that she was feeling. It was dark, damp, and for what she could tell, it looked like she was in some cave or tunnel. Claire sat up, resting her back against a near wall. It took her some minutes to put her thoughts back in order. Her memories were chaotic. She remembered fighting with some unknown men in the Command Room, and then, she had a blackout. Her last memories were of Leon, fire, pain, and a lot of noise. Wait, Leon?

"Leon?" she asked, trying to stand up.

There was no answer, and Claire looked around, concerned. She was sure she'd seen Leon. He had been with her before, and his current absence made Claire worry.

She tried to stand up so that she could search the area for her friend, but a wave of dizziness staggered her. The bastards had probably hit her head, and she'd not be surprised if she had a concussion. She needed to recover a little before she could think of moving.

"Leon? Are you there?" she called into the darkness, but no answer again.

He is an agent. He is going to be alright.

Claire took a deep breath, letting the oxygen fill her lungs and reach her head. The headache was annoying, but she could handle it. The pain wasn't enough to hinder her. She took some minutes to calm down and clear her head as much as she could.

"Fantastic," Claire sighed, "knowing my luck, I am probably in another experimental facility. I'll need a weapon if that's the case."

It took her some more minutes to be able to see. Her vision was still slightly blurry, but it was enough for her to move without issues.

Claire navigated herself through the darkness, using the wall as a guide. The terrain wasn't friendly to navigate, especially in the dark. Claire stumbled several times on the uneven ground; the last thing she needed now was to fall and damage her head even more.

It was too quiet for her taste, silent as death, and in her experience, dead things rarely stayed like that in these circumstances.

I am technically useless right now.

Claire wasn't in the best of shapes. Her vision was unreliable, her movements were slow and clumsy due to her headache, even her balance was giving her problems, and to top all that, she was weaponless. Her only hope was that there wouldn't be any enemies on her way out of the tunnel. She tried calling for Leon a couple of times, but the lack of replies made her assume that the agent was not anywhere around.

She knew Leon. If he were there, he'd find his way and meet her, eventually.

"Well, at least I'll get some friendly company," she sighed, "but first things first. I need to get out of here."

Claire's sight was getting used to the dark, but her dizziness was complicating things in many ways. Suddenly, Claire heard a loud howl in the distance, and a chill ran down her spine. She hated it when she was right; her hopes of having an easy way out crumbled in seconds. There was something in there, most likely a mutant monster, ready to tear her into pieces at any possible chance. A fight was unavoidable, but if she had to fight, she hoped to have at least a chance to defend herself, and to do that, she needed a weapon.

Claire rushed her pace, hoping that she was on the right track. After some stressing moments of silences and darkness, the tunnel finally opened up, and she caught the smell of grass and damp soil. She had made it outside. The fresh air and the view of the sky sparkled with stars made her feel better both physically and mentally.

"Right, this isn't time to feel relieved," Claire admonished herself. "I am still unarmed, lost, and most likely surrounded by vicious foes. I need to move."

Claire looked around here. At least, the light from the stars and moon allowed her a better look at her surroundings. Judging by the appearance of the sky, Claire could tell she had to be somewhere very far from the city. The sky looked beautiful, and that could only mean that the light pollution in the place was minimal.

After scanning around her for a bit, she noticed some lights in the distance. There were insignificant, and Claire guessed that it had to be a village or a small town. If her situation were like her previous misadventures, the place would probably be crawling with undead things, and god knew what other mutants. In other words, heading to a human settlement in her current situation screamed "bad idea" in capital letters. However, just like the place was the best place to find nasty creatures, it was also a place where she would most likely find weapons and other useful things.

It was a dangerous bet for all she cared, she had little to lose, and besides, it wasn't the first time she'd found herself in a place infested by zombie-mutant creatures.

The young woman found a trail that, she guessed, would lead to the settlement and followed it cautiously. She walked for some minutes, and she, surprisingly, didn't encounter any foes. However, she wasn't entirely sure of whether that was good or bad.

"No monsters," Claire said, frowning with distrust, "Now, I call that suspicious."

Claire had dealt with enough zombie outbreaks already to know that zombies were never quiet. A town hit by a virus meant lots of infected people, and lots of infected people meant lots of hostiles.

"Why is it so empty?" Claire asked softly.

Looks can be deceiving.

Claire made her way into town cautiously. Just because there were no monsters in sight didn't mean they weren't nearby. She reached town after some minutes of walking through the vegetation. Her walk gave her a chance to do some recognizance of her surroundings.

Claire entered town cautiously, and as soon as she had set a step there, a stinging pain pierced through her skull, causing her to hive. The ache brought a series of disjointed and blurred visions that Claire quickly associated with her nightmares.

"Ag," she groaned, "why am I getting flashbacks from that damn place right now?"

The village was different from the one Sushestvivanie, so she wasn't sure what had triggered the memories.

Claire looked around her. Unlike the Russian town, which had looked like no one had lived in it for ages, this village still looked lived in despite the lack of population.

"Right, the question now is what happened to the people," Claire muttered, "Ok, Claire. Pull yourself together. We need to get weapons."

Claire walked around carefully, peeking inside the house through the windows. The place seemed frozen in time. It was a typical scenario that Claire had gotten used to finding. People must have gotten suddenly infected, and amid the chaos, everyone had abandoned what they were doing without looking back.

Claire sighed with sadness as she searched for supplies amid the chaos inside the houses. The bloodstains she found on several confirmed her fears regarding the locals. Most likely, there were no healthy people left in the place.

Claire found an old hunting rifle in one of the houses, and after searching a little more, she found ammo, a knife, and a sturdy chain. She had no idea if the chain could be useful, but hell, she would take it anyway.

Claire noticed a slight movement from the corner of her eye. It'd been fast, a white blur that she wasn't able to discern.

"Hello?" she said cautiously, "anyone there?"

No answer. Claire's grip on the old rifle tightened. She looked around, almost holding her breath. The complete silence around her made her extremely uneasy. There were no birds, no insects, nothing, which in nature's language only meant one thing. There was a predator nearby.

ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

Claire started to regret her complaints about the lack of noise. That roar was something she wished she had not heard. It sounded distant, so at least Claire might have a chance to avoid the confrontation. She didn't know what waited for her out there and her supplies were not infinite.

"Time to play stealthy," she said, moving out of the house carefully.

Claire reached the street, and to her annoyance, she found her path blocked by unfriendly looking villagers. She made a quick diagnosis on their appearance and quickly concluded that they were not T-virus infected, but they had to have something.

"Alright, not sure I should be happy about that," she said, aiming her rifle at the hostiles and shooting them with perfect aim.

"Purplish-gray skin; dilated, bloodshot eyes and inhuman vocalization," Claire listed, shooting the approaching enemies, "Reasoning still intact."

The hostiles weren't moving randomly. Even though their actions didn't move under intellectual reasoning, there was some thought behind them.

"They still hold some reason," Claire realized."That cuts down the list of possible pathogens..."

She alternated her attacks between gunshots and using the knives. She still wanted to save ammo as much as she could. Surprisingly, handling these guys was being a lot easier than she expected, and that was starting to worry her. For the third time in the day, she hated when she was right.

A howl cut through the air, making Claire shiver. To her horror, she saw how a deformed creature appeared out of nowhere and launched in her direction. She reacted mechanically and jumped out of the street, taking cover behind a pile of wooden boxes.

Claire had never seen any creature like that, but she guessed that this was one of Neo-Umbrella's new toys. The monster was humanoid, but its body was elongated and ghoulish thin. The skin was pale, and part of the tissue was decaying and falling in pieces. Claire noted that aside from an unnatural big mouth, there were no other features on the creature's face.

The creature grabbed a bunch of the villagers with its elongated arms and brought them to its mouth.

Is it eating them? That's new.

The BOWs created from variations of the progenitor virus needed fresh DNA to stabilize. That was the reason why they would attack people and eat them. Usually, the monsters would not feed on fellow creatures. Then again, this guy probably did not mind about freshness, and his only interest was dinner. She'd have to hurry, or she'd end up as dessert.

Taking advantage of the chaos, she dodged the villagers and ran off. Confronting this thing now would only bring her into an early death, and wise people knew when to retreat.

Unfortunately, her escape would not be easy, and she cursed as she sliced the throats of a couple of villagers as she ran past them. Her head was starting to hurt again, and she could tell that the dizziness was coming back.

Her run came to an abrupt stop when another deformed creature appeared in front of her. Once more, it seemed to be a new one monster, but unlike the other one she'd seen, it was smaller and more human-like.

"Oh, come on. Give me a break."

Claire shot the monster a couple of times only to find that, to her dismay, it did nothing. Its decaying skin was sturdier than it looked. Suddenly, a loud growl made her look back, and she groaned. The bigger guy had caught up with her, too, which meant that they had cornered her. Cursing her luck, Claire looked around, trying to come up with a plan. She ran into what seemed to be a storage shack. If she was lucky enough, maybe she could find something useful.

"Fuel tanks," Claire said, looking around her, "Ok, I am not going to ask why they keep this here. Well, this will come in handy, now, how do I use them without killing myself in the process?"

Claire was trying to formulate a plan when the shriek and the sound of wood breaking startled her. The smallest monster had managed to enter the cellar. The creature shook its head as if trying to track its prey.

Shit.

Claire looked around her in a panic. She saw a window nearby, and she made a run to it. The monster chased after her, howling horribly. Claire jumped through the glass, spinning at the last second, and shot her rifle into the closest tank. The result was instantaneous. The barrel exploded, creating a chain reaction of fire and destruction. The wave of the explosion hit Claire directly, and the woman flew a couple of meters into the woods that surrounded the town. She rolled down the hill, hitting her head, face, and limbs against rocks and wood before falling into a ditch filled with plants. The pain in her head had become so strong that she barely had time to realize what had happened before she lost consciousness.

#fanfic #my fanfic writing #resident evil #claire redfield #leon x claire #claire x leon #leon s kennedy

5 notes · View notes

seraphinatncrtb · 4 years

Text

Afterward

A lot of people want to know why you’re acting “different” than before your assault. The reason I give people is “because something in me died that night.” And something did. A lot of people say to just get over it and get some help. I’ve been in therapy since before the assault. It’s not as easy as some may think. People talk about avoiding your triggers. Well, my biggest trigger is my body. If I feel anxious or scared, I shower in the dark so I don’t have to see my body. See the now healed skin, where there were marks and bruises. They also never mention that a lot of triggers are out of your control. Certain foods cause issues. For me, it’s steak and now Mac and cheese. Which sucks because I love Kraft Mac and Cheese. Certain sounds cause you to panic. Loud noises are typically enough for me to go nuts. Especially someone banging something. Thunder, which used to be one of my favorite things, now causes me to stay up at night, shaking in terror. I used to like the dark, hate it now. I have to have a flashlight when I walk in the dark. I used to be able to handle crowds. Now I worry that he is in the crowd, just waiting to jump out and hurt me. I went to six flags with a bunch of friends. I grabbed my friend’s hand right as we walked into the park because I was terrified. He held my hand for the rest of the day at the park and dealt with me jumping at every noise. No one ever warns you about the fear you will have, the shadows that don’t exist, the noises that are someone coming to hurt you. Everyone just kind of expects you to get over it. But it’s not that easy. Years after now, I may go back to being something like the old me. But not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe the next. Who knows? All I know is talking to someone who gets it or tries their best to understand and comfort you is the best way to feel better. Especially when they don’t fault you for what happened.

#ptsd #tw #abuse #rape #assault

0 notes

gelibean95 · 7 years

Text

A Migraine, day 2.

Right now the house is quiet and silent and I’ve been alone all day. It’s a Friday and most likely mom will be going out tonight with some friends. My boyfriend was working today, and has plans tonight, so I won’t be seeing him. My friend is exhausted and would rather be alone after a long day of work that I in part made longer by being sick today. My sister is attending school in SF and as of lately... I haven’t spoken with her in over two weeks. Not because of anything negative, just... we’re busy I guess. At least she is.

Mentally I am exhausted. For any chronic migraine sufferer I don’t have to explain how tiring they are on your body and your mind. You would understand how it’s a constant unending pain that radiates from your skull down to your toes on the worst days. How lights physically hurt you, smells make you sick to your stomach and every noise louder than a soft spoken sentence feels like someone is jack hammering your brain. For me and my complex migraines, all these symptoms are magnified the longer the migraine lasts. Today was day two, and I woke up in tears from the intense pain in my head. I had to call out of work, which i abhor doing because I want to be a reliable worker that my boss can depend on. Today was another trip to the doctors office for more shots of medicine that leave me lethargic and heavy feeling and have a 40/60 chance of working or not with favorable odds on the not working side. I had to call for a ride in because with a complex migraine I get an aura around my vision, slurred speech, I become unbalanced and experience vertigo, and soon after black spots follow the aura leading to awful visibility. As one would assume, you can’t drive like this let alone function. I’ve passed out a handful of times from the pain and every time I feel a loss of control in my life, like this sickness (disease? disability? genetic hand me down?) is in charge of me sometimes.

I would consider myself lucky though now compared to where I started from. In 7th grade I started experiencing tension migraines, which in turn led to complex migraines and I also found that just a regular old migraine that only hurts without symptoms runs in my family. At first I only experienced them here and there when I would be feeling particularly stressed from school. But by my sophomore year they became an issue. I was out one, two, three, and sometimes fours days a week missing classes. I started to fall behind, and the stress made everything worse for me. I went through every preventative medicine my neurologists could think of, and when they ran through them all we started doing sleep studies to see if maybe my insomnia was the cause. (oh yeah, I’m an insomniac too. That definitely plays a role in triggering a migraine some days.) When that gave us no answers we started looking for long term solutions. Birth control was brought up, but as a sophomore/junior I would say no till my senior year because I was already struggling to remember all the medicines I had now that weren’t doing jack shit. Botox was also suggested, but there was little research out that showed it to be a worth while solution and not only that, what 16 year old wants to inject her face? No thank you. There was also mention of a piercing placed on your ear in just the right spot that many swore by. But again, debunked by the multiple doctors we brought it up to.

It wasn’t until I finally gave in to trying birth control that things leveled out. I also said the only reason I would try birth control was if I could stop taking all the other medicines and supplements and mixtures I was taking seeing as they weren’t helping and I was never keen on taking anything into my body that didn’t effectively help me. I talked with my doctor and we decided to go with an estrogen based pill and see how that worked. She did warn I couldn’t just stop in the middle of my pack, so we would have to ride out a cycle or two to see results. And oh, did we see results. It became too difficult to function, because now I was essentially living with a continuous migraine that often required trips to the ER and heavy narcotics, only to return a few days later when they wore off. It was miserable, and till I was able to stop taking the pills I was no only in school for 4 days a month. Obviously meetings had been had with the principle, letters had been received in the mail about truancy. But what were we to do? We were lucky enough to find Independent Study was offered through my school, and to this day I still swear it was the only reason I was able to graduate. When I was able to stop taking the pill my doctor suggested another type, a different hormone this time. She was sure it would be better, because after the estrogen severely fucked me up she figured that’s where my hormonal imbalance laid. I never looked back. My migraines cleared up to one, maybe two a week. The longer I stayed on the pill the easier they became when I had them and thankfully the medicine I would take for the pain (Excedrin became my go to other than a few prescriptions when that failed) was more effective now. My only problem was my consistency in taking the pill at the same time every day. I messed up often, and because of that the effectiveness wasn’t as effective now.

I for awhile refused medicine of all kinds and said I would suffer through it, clear my system off all the crap I was putting in it and just reset my body. I tried that, and while it did help a small bit I was still experiencing migraines far too frequently. I never did find an answer to my migraines... When I hit 19 it seemed like they leveled out themselves, and the frequency dramatically fell to maybe one a week. Now, with an inserted hormonal birth control method and a good knowledge of what to do to avoid migraines (sleep well consistently, even if that means taking a sleeping aid some nights. Avoid a lot of dairy products. Avoid strong smells and don’t use strong perfumes, soaps, candles, lotions, etc. Don’t stress out more than needed.) I have at most two migraines a MONTH.

Sadly, they tend to be massive complex migraines that put me in the doctors office again and then my bed for the next 16 hours. But all the same... I’ve come a long way from where I started. And while I’m thankful I’m here and not there, it’s no less exhausted to do with each time. It always stirs up some loneliness being cooped up inside all day, unable to go to work, see my boyfriend, or just be outside in the loud bright world. Some days it gets the best of me. Today feels like one of those days, But of the bunches and bunches of people who deal with migraines, I know I’m not alone in this struggle. And in that, I don’t feel as trapped and alone in my struggle.

#migraine #tensionmigraine #excedrinlove #staystrong #notalone #headpains #complexmigraine

0 notes