#but after I read that article I realized the relationship dynamic between my mom and I is emotional incest
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I Reject You (Ransom Drysdale)
Summary: Ransom has a friends with benefits relationship with Y/N recently learned that she is pregnant with Ransom's pup but rejects him as the father because of how he treated her when they were together.
Notes: GIF is not mine, slight smut, fluff, A/B/O dynamics, mentions of human trafficking, mentions of depression, implied sexual assault (if any of these trigger you, please do not read. Take care of yourselves.)
--
Here you are exactly where you promised yourself you weren't going. As soon as you saw Ransom sitting in your office chair, you knew where this was headed. He picked you up from your job and drove straight to his house.
Your body shakes when he lazily thrusts into your soaked cunt as you both are laying down on your side. Leaning your head against his collarbone, your mouth falls open when he rubs your clit when his thumb.
You follow his hips when he pulls out of you, leaving just the tip in before drilling into you hard and fast. "You are such a slut for my dick aren't you? No matter how many times you say you never want to see me again. You. Are. Mine. Omega." He whispers into you ear and you were starting to see stars.
A sharp gasp leaves your lips as you cum for the fifth time today. His knot pops open and his seed decorated your walls. He pulls out of you and you lay on your back, mustering up the strength to get up but he grabs your chin roughly so you could look at him.
"No one can make you cum like I can. No one." You pull away from his grip and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. You curse at your body for trembling. You needed to get out of there and quick before he notices something is off.
You noticed a different abouf a week ago and went to the doctor. Only to find out that you were pregnant by no other than Ransom Drysdale. The trust fund playboy. There's no way you were going to tell him the baby was his. You needed to end whatever this is and you needed to end it now.
"You smell different," he says, trailing his nose along the curve of your neck. "Is your heat starting?" He asks and you choose not to say anything. What is there to say to a man that calls you a cumslut one second and is worried about your well being, the next?
You stand on wobbly legs and slide on your underwear while in search for the rest of your clothing. "When I talk to you, I expect you to speak." He says, standing from the bed and you jump into your dress pants. When you reach for you blouse, he rips from the your hand and tosses it across the room.
Attempting to get the blouse, a growl emits deep in his chest and you still your movements. You don't meet his eyes but you could feel the anger blossoming in his gaze. He grabs your throat sharply and lowered his head until his blue eyes met yours.
"Speak, Omega." Chills rolls down your spine at his command. "There's nothing to talk to you about." "You could have just said that. You didn't have to ignore me." "I didn't peg you as the sensitive type, Drysdale." You snark, and he allows you to pull his hand away from your throat.
"You're not going to shower before you go like you normally do? What, am I that bad of a person?" "There's nothing normal about this, Ransom. And to answer your question, yes, you are." You walk across the room and button up your blouse.
"What's up with you? You've been acting bitchy all day." "Wow, you talk like you're a ray of sunshine." "You know what, you want me to speak. Fine, I'll speak. Don't talk like you give a shit about me because you and I both know you don't. The only thing you care about is getting your rocks off like a horny little bitch."
Oh your hormones are going to get you in trouble. The omega in you was trembling with fear of what Ransom was going to do to you. He snarls and before you could even think about running, he turns you around and shoves into the nearest wall. His eyes glowing a dreadful crimson as he growled in your face.
"You got a death wish, omega? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to." He snarls and you instinctively expose you neck to him. Your arm maternally drapes over your stomach protectively and he noticed. His eyes lost their glow and he stares down at your stomach with wide eyes.
He takes a few steps back and you could hear his anxious heart pattering in his chest. "Is it mine?" "No," you answer a little too quickly and he raises his eyebrow questionigly. "You're lying," he says, taking a step toward you with his eyes glazing over your mating gland.
"Absolutely not," you snap and he takes another step towards you. "Stop, Ransom. Please don't," you whimper as he blew warm air over your sensitive gland. Something else stirred inside of you that wasn't your omega part of you. It was something more dominant and heavy.
Your hand comes up and in between your neck and his face. Your gripped his face and shoved him as hard as you could with surprising strength. You sent him flying across the room. He initially landed on the bed and bounced off to land in the corner.
A deep, protective roar erupted from your chest and something happened that you dreaded for most of your life. Your eyes were glowing. Your eyes didn't shine a normal golden color. They glowed like a broken mixture between crimson and ogate from an unspeakable past trauma.
"What the hell are you?" He asks as your eyes restore to normal. "Baby," he adds, his features softened. "Stay away from me. And stay away from my pup." You threaten, before sliding on your shoes and walking out the door. You wave down a taxi who drives you back to your house.
"Hey, I stopped by your job and saw you- Y/N, are you okay?" Your mom asks as her eyes settle on your trembling frame. "He found out." You croak, she motions you to sit on the couch and you comply. "He found out about the baby?" She asks. "He found out," you repeat, watching as she realizes what you really meant.
"He saw your eyes?" She asks with disbelief. "He tried to forcefully claim me and I bellowed at him to protect my pup." "What are you going to do? Do you want to leave?" She asks, running a comforting hand down your arm. "I have no idea, Mom. I don't get it. I thought I wasn't able to get pregnant."
"This is a blessing, honey." She says and you shake your head. "It would have been a blessing if the father was a decent human being, but he's not, Mom. He treats me.." you trail off and your mother purrs sadly, resting your face on the sides of hers. "He's a terrible person, Mom. But I need him and I fucking hate it."
"I know, honey. We don't need to figure everything out right now. Take a deep breath." You take a deep breath and a series of sobs escape your lips. You're screwed and everyone knows it.
**
Ransom bounces his leg nervously in his Beemer as he parks outside of Y/N's house. He could smell her, she's in deress and she's feeling an immense amount of sadness. He doesn't even know what he's doing there. It's not like his presence would help anything. She hated him and he doesn't blame her.
He would always call you names and insult your intelligence to keep you rilde up so he wouldn't know how it was to be loved by you. He started to fall for you when you would talk back against his misogynistic tendencies. He loved how your nose crinkled just before you were about to snap on him.
You have guts and you stood your ground, regardless if you were an omega or not. He respected that about you. But now he wanted to show you that he was willing to change for you and that he treated you like shit because he was scared of what your love could to him.
But he knew you. You would tell him to fuck off and leave because that is what he was good at. He had a plan to get you to trust him, but if that doesn't work. He has no idea what to do with himself. With a deep breath, he hops out of his Beemer and stalks towards the front door.
He knocks firmly and he heard footsteps ascending to the door. His heart races in his chest but he swallows it down. The door opens and he meets the gaze of a very angry mother. "How dare you come here?" "I need to see her," "I think you've done enough."
"She's carrying my pup, I can't just leave her." Ransom's explains, desperate to be given the benefit of the doubt. "I've heard terrible stories about you. You trust fund, prick. My daughter made a mistake and I'm sure she'll learn from it without your help." She snaps.
"Did she say that?" "She did," "You're a terrible liar. Just like your daughter." He sighs when she growls defensively at him. "What happened to her? To her eyes?" He asks. "Please, I want to be in her life. She makes my heart tingle and that scares the hell out of me, so I tried to push her away by.."
"By treating her like trash. You have no idea how to deal with women, do you?" She asks and he shakes his with defeat.
"Come in," she says with a sigh. Ransom walks into the house much smaller than he's used to. That's what a family house looks like. The entire living room is the size of his walk in closet. But he understands why Y/N would call it home. "Stay here, I'll be right back." Y/N's mom says before disappearing down the hall.
He sits down on the side of the couch where your scent is the strongest. His eyes fall to the shut door closest to the kitchen. Your scent dripped from the room and it took everything in him not to burst in there and pull you into his arms.
Y/N's mom returns with a thin stack of newspapers. The looked to be a few years old by the font and the faded lettering in some places. The newspaper crinkles in his hands as he read the headline on the first page.
HUMAN TRAFFICKING VICTIM FOUND AFTER 7 YEARS. Below the headline was a picture of a young girl with bruises litering her face as she pulled the blanket close to her.
The most heart wrenching part about the picture was how hollow her eyes looked. It was like looking into a dark tunnel with no light at the end of it. Whatever she experienced ruined whatever childhood she had left. Ransom's eyes scan over the article and flipped through the rest of the pages, growing angrier the more he read.
"How long ago was this?" Ransom asks. "Five years ago. She was twelve when she was taken." Ransom shakes his head with disbelief and sets the newspaper on the table in front of him. "Can I see her, please?" He asks desperately.
"She hasn't moved since she came back from your house a week ago. She barely talks and eats. Hopefully you have better luck than I do." She says, motioning for the door.
Ransom stands up and opens the door within a few strides. Goosebumps littered his skin when he inhales Y/N's miserable musk. Tears threatened his eyes but he wiped them away quickly. She already been through hell and Ransom made it worse by treating her the way he was. She deserved better than him.
"Y/N?" Ransom starts but Y/N doesn't move a muscle. Her bed covers were draped over her entire body, leaving a small opening above her head so she could breathe. Her breathing was barely audible, she could easily be mistaken as dead. The room was dim from the closed curtain and lack of light.
Not knowing what to say, he decides he was going to stay there with her. Maybe.. hopefully.. his prescence is enough to comfort her because he has no idea how to do that as he was never comforted as a child. He was just told to suck it up and stop being a baby. He's a Drysdale. And Drysdale's aren't weak.
He shrugs off his peacoat and pulled off his cable knit sweater. He stepped a little closer to admire her nest but notice the lack of his scent. He drapes his cable knit over the headboard of her bed. Not wanting to push his luck, he walked away from the bed and slid down the wall a distance away from you.
He smiles when he hears you purr softly in your sleep as you notice his scent. "Baby, I'm going to stay here with you, if that's okay." Ransom says and you continued to purr. Guess that wasn't a terrible sign.
Later that night, Ransom left your house to grab a week's worth of clothes plus an assortment of clothes you could add to her you. You still haven't said anything but your vile scent of shame and sadness has lessened.
When Ransom came back, Y/N's mom offered him the guest room but Ransom claimed it was too far from her. So she pumped up an air mattress for him. He's spent every day in the room with Y/N without saying a word. One day, Ransom came back with sushi for lunch to see you out of bed.
You froze when you saw him down the hallway after closing the door to the bathroom. "You came back earlier than I expected," you say and a sigh of relief leaves his lips. You both stay in your spots and stare at each other, waiting for someone to make the first move.
"I'm not good at comforting people. But I am good at telling people what I know. And I know that I feel like absolutely shit for how I treated you. And I know what happened to you when you were younger. Why your eyes are the way they are." He starts. "The fact that you can stand up for other people despite your past makes you strong. A strong mate and a strong mother." He adds.
He sets the sushi on the counter and you shove your hands into the pockets of your sweatpants. "We're not meant to be parents, Ransom. This could be the worst thing that could happen to us." She explains. "Or the best thing. I don't know about you, but I've been looking for a change. And then I met you and that was the change I was looking for." He explains.
You eye him suspiciously, unsure of where this verbal affection came from. "Why are you saying these things? Did my mom put you up to this? I told her I would be fine." You say, walking down the hall and into your room. "She didn't put me up to this. And no, you're not fine." He says, leaning against your door frame.
"Baby, we're in this together." "I don't trust it. I don't trust you. I've seen what you're capable of and the way you treat people. And I will be damned if I let you treat my pup like that."
"Your pup?" "My pup," you repeat, placing a hand on your stomach. His gaze falls on your stomach and he nods to himself like he's making a decision in his mind.
"Mark me," he says, taking off his pea coat, cable knit sweater and tank top underneath that. He sets on the air mattress and nears you slowly. "What? No." "I'll honor the bond. I'll be yours and only yours. I won't mark you unless you want me to. Just please, mark me."
"This is insane," you start and takes your hand to place on his cheek. He inhales the scent of your pulse point on your wrist before placing your hand on his mating gland. You shake your head no and he sits down, pulling you into his lap and burying your face into his neck.
Your inner omega takes over and you wrap your arms around his neck. "Alpha," you whimper. "Oh, omega. I'm so sorry, baby." He whispers. He stares up at the ceiling as he tries to hold back his tears but it was no use. He always thought that he was fucked up because Linda never showed him any affection as a kid.
But to hear about what you experienced as a kid. The fact that you had nothing and you had your will and autonomy stripped from you. Ransom's autonomy was the only thing he felt like he truly had. He rubbed circles on your neck and you sigh into his. He learned that from a Google search he did but you didn't know that.
You pull away from his neck and cupped his cheeks, pressing a warm kiss on his soft lips. You were desperate for each other's touch, but it wasn't in a sexual way.
It was more like a tending to an internal scratch. Your eyes fluttered closed and he lifted your chin to deepen the kiss. Your tear stained cheeks rubbed against his and his tongue swiped against your lip, begging for access.
You glady give him the access he needed and his happy hummed vibrated your chest. He pulled away slowly and held you gaze before exposing his neck to you. You couldn't believe your eyes. The Ransom Drysdale was exposing his neck to you. Submitting to you. Maybe he wasn't bluffing after all.
You ghost your fingers over his mating gland and he sighs at the touch. You look to him and he nods, encouraging you to continue. Your tongue darted out to moisturize your dry lips and press a kiss to the sensitive skin. You purr as you inhale his musk of honey and crackers, his favorite childhood snack.
."Y/N, please." Giving him one last look before sinking your teeth into his neck, his mouth falls open and you bite down harder until you could taste the metallic drops of his blood.
You lick away the droplets of blood escaping the wound before pulling away. You lick away the blood from your lips and expose your neck to him but he gripped your chin and shook his head.
"You have to want it." He says sincerely. You barely recognize the Ransom in front of you. His ogate eyes dilate as they met your Y/E/C eyes. And in that moment you realize that Ransom was just as broken as you were. He truly was yours.
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Starting a new ✨series✨ that no one asked for! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)
Callisto-Rants presents...
Here's my Two Cents
Where we just throw down our two cents on how we would change a series to make it better, in our own personal opinion.
[You can Block this tag if you're not interested in this series: #Here's Our Two Cents]
Here's my Two Cents
Yarichin Bitch Club.
Ever since I had the misfortune of having that opening theme song stuck in my head because of countless memes and tiktok edits. . . I have wished for days to have the ability to create a time machine to prevent myself from saying. . .
"okay, fine I'll bite the bullet and check out the source material."
Now if you're reading this and thinking, "huh. I never heard of this series..." let me just tell you, GOD I WISH I WAS YOU RIGHT NOW.
No one was going to tell me this BL Manga about a "pHoTogRaPhY cLuB" wasn't completely INSANE? I was just supposed to find out Three Volumes Later??
Now some of y'all who have read the source material might be thinking. . .
"Okay Callisto, get over it it's obviously supposed to be a comedy it's not meant to be taken seriously 🙄"
And to that I say... I mean I guess??? But do we really need all of THAT to make it a comedy?? I feel like you could still have an entertaining comedy BL Manga without 90% of the shit that goes on in that series..... But that's just ✨my two cents✨ take it or leave it.
FIRST THINGS FIRST, here's all the stuff I'd automatically remove from this series off the bat.
💀 The Gang Bangs.
💀 Teacher x Student Relationships.
💀 In fact all instances of unconsensual acts & sexual assault committed in this manga. Throw all of that away.
💀 the fact that the term Bisexual was used as a replacement for the term switch, and had nothing to do with the sexual orientation itself whatsoever.
💀 The High School Setting.
💀 Whatever the fuck Yuri was on.
💀 90% of the hyper sexualized traits these characters had.
Now here's what I'd change to make it better... Basically here's an AU of what if it was actually a normal photography club....
Actually make it a fucking Photography Club. Not a sex club that's in a fuckin HIGH SCHOOL. Hell, you could just throw this in a college setting too, for more mature themes.
Main character, Takashi Toono a college student that's trying to get out of his comfort zone more. So he decides to join the photography club, because he thinks it's not demanding to require anything of him compared to any other club on campus. He knows completely NOTHING about photography, and doesn't have any passion for the art media. His Character growth would be learning to appreciate the art media While learning what it means to him, as well as who he wants to be as he enters the adult world as a young adult.
Yuu Kashima, can stay as Takashi's love interest. Also, I feel like all the members should have a specific style of taking photos that correlates with their personality in some way. Yuu's photography style would be something the lines of Candid photography which is a type of photography style that's main focus is to take photos in the moment or in surprise. Something he has already done when he took that photo of Takashi. I also feel like Yuu would be the one to keep pushing Takashi to love photography, and understand it's more than snapping a photo.
Kyousuke Yaguchi, can stay as the Love Rival for Yuu Kashima and overall keep his personality? It was actually pretty interesting and I liked his Character dynamics with everyone else. Kyousuke Yaguchi can also stay as the outsider that directly / indirectly influences Everyone else in the club. Causing Takashi to explore his feelings and expand his social group, and make him think about what he wants to capture in his photos. Overall the same interaction between Kyousuke & Yuu Kashima with their rivalry and brotherly relationship at it's breaking point. As well as, Kyousuke and Yui's relationship being tense with miscommunication.
Yui Tamura, I imagine Yui's photography style would be more of Adventure (capturing shots in the great outdoors, usually involving extreme sports; mountain-climbing, skiing, kayaking, sky diving, etc) & Sports Photography. Which could create interesting interactions between Kyousuke and Yui. Cue Yui trying to cover up the fact that, every time the soccer club commissions Yui to take some photos of their club activity to promote their club, all of Yui's photos are of Kyousuke playing soccer. Causing Yui to complain to Kyousuke to get out of his shots and that he's ruining them by being in all of them. So, Kyousuke just shouts back "then stop following me around with your camera, DUMBASS". Just imagine Them bickering, because Yui 100% did not delete the photo he captured of Kyousuke getting knocked out by a soccer ball to the face.
Itsuki Shikatani would definitely be in the club, but only because he prefers to have his photos be taken, more than he likes taking photos himself. He would probably be a cross dresser, who enjoys dressing up in feminine articles of clothing and posing for photos. Everyone on campus who doesn't know Itsuki personally, always asks who the beautiful woman in these photos are, the club president and vice President always just says it's one of their cousins that happen to be in town. If Itsuki had to have a style of photography, it would probably be fashion.
Toru Fujisaki. . . This one is difficult only because his Character is purely centered around Yuki's Character. . . So I'm going to take some creative liberties here. . . Probably really insecure about himself, because he feels like he's a wall flower that's really forgettable, that no one cares about. Although, it's mostly because he's shooting himself in the foot by not letting one have the opportunity to get to know him to give him a chance, in the first place. Until, he meets Yuki who makes him realize that not everyone sees him as a wall flower and someone can notice his nicer qualities about himself that he's hiding away. Toru's Character development in this AU, would be for for him to learn to love himself more and try to trust people to accept him. As well as to expand his social circle with the support of not only Yuki, but the Photography Club as well. At first I bet, he would only feel comfortable with Yuki taking his photos and modeling only for him, but over time he'd let the other club members take his photo when he gets more confident in himself. While also, developing his own style of photography, that isn't just "cute photos of Yuri", it would probably be Still Life or Portrait.
Ayato Yuri, okay first. . . I'm still not over the fact that this boy was written like a deranged feral child, that was given access to a pornhub account way too early in life. While being dropped on his head several times, before and after his first words. Anyhow. . . I feel like Yuri would fit the trope of the genius, that no one understands in any capacity. His mind is 10 steps ahead of everyone else and he forgets to slow down and explain what the fuck he's talking about, when he goes into a passionate rant about photography. With endless rambles about golden ratio, gold lighting and blue lighting, and how he needs these specific props, that don't seem to fit the theme of the photo at all to make it perfect. But despite that, his photos always come out beautifully. No one can deny that his methods might be extremely weird, but they always work out way too well to give anyone the opportunity to chastise him. Anyone trying to work with Yuri often leaves the experience with a beautiful photo in hand, but an enormous headache. Even members within the photography club can't keep up with Yuri most of the time either, he's often in his own little world that just makes sense to only him. He can be a eccentric and passionate about his hobby and goofy to not make people feel too uncomfortable with the huge distance he unintentionally places between himself and others when he doesn't bother to slow down for anyone. But, he still has a good heart to make sure everyone gets a piece of art that'll always be memorable to them. Additionally, with that being said I feel like Toru would be the few people that would consistently attempt to keep up with Yuri, when he's a light year away from everyone else in his rambles. Toru wouldn't shut down and show disinterest in what Yuri says when he can no longer keep up, he's always being supportive and encouraging Yuri to continue because he knows it makes him happy to be able to express his passion. And sometimes, Yuri will pause and explain a bit to let Toru keep up with him, because he just truly appreciates someone trying to get closer to him, without making him feel bad. I would say Yuri is a jack of all trades when it comes to Photography styles. There isn't a single style he is terrible at, but he truly excels at Abstract Photography.
Koshiro Itome I think Koshiro would fit the silent type trope, but with a lot on his mind. Always over thinking things, and although he looks calm his mind is always buzzing with 500 things at once. Because, of this the only way he can find some semblance of peace is by going out for a nature walk and letting the environment take his mind off things. He's always worries about deadlines for projects, meeting up with clients face to face for the first time, whether or not a company will like his photos he submitted, if his boyfriend Akemi is okay, what if he doesn't find anything to take a picture of or if he's missing the perfect shot right now, will the club be okay after they all graduate, what else can be learn to improve his skills etc etc. Akemi can always tell when he's actually calm and when he's just zoned out and drowning in his own worries behind his calm demeanor. Luckily for Akemi, he knows exactly what to do to make him feel better, like a life boat to his pleas for help in the vast ocean of his thoughts. Koshiro is 100% the mom friend in the club, always helping newbies out on how to properly take care of their equipment, and the general basics, stopping people from bickering and carrying around a Mary Poppins bag of useful items. "Damn I forgot to bring my infrared lens with me!" "It's okay I brought a spare, here you go." Koshiro's photography style would be Nature & Wild life, cue everyone wondering how the hell he managed to capture a photo of baby bear and it's mother so close up with such clarity with the equipment he has on him. It should be impossible there's no way he could it's just unlikely, but all Koshiro does in response is just shrugging calmly "I just slowly walked up to them, and took some photos and went my way after I was done, they weren't bothered at all." At first no one believes him, until they see the next photo of him petting the mother bear, and within the next photo of him holding the baby bears paw. I like to think Akemi is always bragging at how his boyfriend is basically a Disney Prince, with the way animals just trust him enough to let Koshiro approach to take the photos. Of course Akemi has the proof that his Boyfriend is not making any of these up. With photo evidence he had taken from a incredibly safe distance away, of Koshiro just interacting with wildlife at such a close distance. Because, Akemi was not in fact gifted the ability of a Disney prince, to be doing that shit that Koshiro pulls on a daily basis. I feel like because of this Akemi can be a bit over protective of Koshiro, always telling him to text him before he goes to work and he gets back home, so he knows a feral bear didn't devour his boyfriend in the woods. He tries his best to join Koshiro while he works so he can be at peace of mind that Koshiro is in fact safe, but they both know it's very difficult for Koshiro to focus. When his boyfriend is being incredibly cute how could he remember he's here to take photos of the wild life and not his boyfriend? That and Akemi always accidentally scares away the wildlife, when he accidentally reads the animals body language wrong as any attempt to devour his boyfriend. Akemi will lose 25 years of his life with amount of false alarms, he has encountered in those damn woods.
Keiichi Akemi, Akemi is definitely one of those smug bastards, that has an ulterative motive or an ace up his sleeve. Appearing sweet and kind until you realize it was a facade. But one way or another you find yourself wrapped up in his convoluted plans, where you're either in his photoshoot as a model or you're carrying all his equipment, while he goes from one job to the next. Akemi's photography style would be Wedding Photography & Landscape something he definitely would've picked up from the countless outings he had with Koshiro in the outdoors. Akemi's friends are almost always married or paired up together, and that's no coincidence. This man is a match-making demon, a hopeless romantic who loves to see a budding romance finally bloom. So, he can snag a fat check when they thank him for brining them together and hire him as the official wedding photographer. His intuition is never wrong about the perfect pairings and how to push the right buttons to move things along, without getting directly involved until the right time comes. Something, that will be a pain in Toono's ass down the line as he stays in the Photography Club.
Overall, I feel like this could've been a really nice BL Manga which was a love letter to the art media of Photography. As Toono figures out what Photography means to him and how he wants to use it to express his feelings. "Why do you take photos? What do you want to say in these photos and tell people without the ability of using your words?" I feel like at first Toono, would just be confused "it's just a photo what's so special about it? You take it as a cool momento for something."
But, as time goes on, and he learns why everyone in the club enjoys photography and why they're here, he learns it's more than that. Whether it be to vent something you're unable to express in words, express your love for something or someone, to tell a story, to inspire others, to feel free, to share something with someone. All these different forms of expression, will let Toono figure out what he wants from photography and how he plans on expressing it.
Also instead of the whole "have sex with someone in one month or we gang bang you against your will" dilemma. . . I feel like another suspenseful situation could have been, "Create a photo album, that will impress all of us in one month, or you have to help us all out with our next projects." Which at first doesn't sound terrible, until you remember...
Yui is a thrill seeker, and would probably push you off a cliff to snag a cool photo. Or force you to be his pack mule as you climb up serval mountains.
Itsuki would force you to cross dress and model different fashion styles to make you look like a clown for his own amusement. All the while he revels in your shame, and points out how these colors don't suit you at all, but ignores the fact he's the one who put you in that outfit in the first place.
Yuri is such a wild card that you honest to God don't know what the fuck will happen to you, it'll be like being on an acid trip the whole time. And not knowing what will happen brings you more fear than knowing what will.
Koshiro would probably bring you to a wolf den full of hungry ravenous wolves, and let you accidentally get eaten alive by a pack of wolves. While he takes pictures of puppies, without a care in the world.
Akemi... Akemi just scares Toono, he seems like the safest bet out of everyone else. But Toono knows better to trust that sweet smile. Toono would be safer walking into Satan's house than spend a day with Akemi at work. Whatever he would have planned for them if he were to lose this challenge would not be good for his sanity. He hates how he knows Akemi wants just that for Toono to know he's not going to be safe either. Akemi would probably make him cry with prying questions about his romance life. While hitting too close to home with all his assumptions about him that he can't argue back. It's losing battle from there on out.
The only problem for Toono is Everyone in this club is so different, that it's almost impossible to be able to impress them all. None of them agree, which style is better or having almost anything in common photography style wise. Toono can't just half-heartedly replicate anyone's style either, he's going to actually try and fail miserably to understand this art media better, like everyone else. I think after losing the challenge and spending time with everyone, Toono would come to really like the club and everyone else in it.
And that's my ✨two cents✨ on how this story could've been better if it didn't focus too much on the whole pwp aspect.
Take it or leave it.
#Here's Our Two Cents#Callisto Rants#yarichin b club#god i hope one day i forget this series exists#and no I don't care if there's people out there who like this series unironically y'all do you!#just wanted to rant on how i would change this story to make it less hyper sexualized 乁| ･ 〰 ･ |ㄏ#not trying to say y'all should be cancelled or something silly like that#Takashi Toono#Yuu Kashima#Kyousuke Yaguchi#Yui Tamura#Itsuki Shikatani#Toru Fujisaki#Ayato Yuri#Koshiro Itome#Keiichi Akemi#basically a huge rant post#AU where it's actually a fucking Photography Club hcs
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MacGyver 5x03-Review
MacRiley fam, this will be my last MacGyver review. Thanks for the support and the great feedback on my reviews so far. You guys are awesome! But i’m taking a looong break from this show. I’ll be watching the Jack episode and if we get a Bozer, Matty or Riley centric i’ll tune in to watch. But my passion and excitement for this show is mostly over now.
I have so many things to say about 5x03 but if i start to express all my feelings i’m afraid i might break Tumblr. LOL
This probably wouldn’t feel like a proper review coz i’m gonna focus on the RETCON that the writers pulled out of their asses to keep MacDesi together.
Ok so for people who are not familiar with the word “retcon”; it means changing an aspect of a fictional work by introducing a piece of new information, typically used to facilitate a dramatic plot shift or account for an inconsistency.
The writers usually pull a retcon, when one aspect of an already canon plot isn’t working well. You can call it a “fix-it” method.
In terms of MacDesi, they retconned some moments from season 4 that defined this relationship. I think the new showrunner and the writers team realized that MacDesi has become quite “toxic” during season 4. But because the additional episodes kept them together, they needed to at least fix this relationship.
From their POV it’s understandable to a degree. But from a viewers POV it’s total BS. Because what we watched in season 4, can’t be changed.
We remember the unhealthy dynamic between them, we remember the lack of trust between them, we remember how incompatible they were, we remember how they couldn’t communicate with each other, we remember Mac not letting her in emotionally, not opening up to her at all, we remember how much they BOTH hurt each other, we remember Mac’s own words on their relationship.
Most importantly we still remember 4x12. How quickly Desi turned her back on him, how she brought his mothers and aunts names into their ugly fight, how Mac said he’d say anything to get her off his back, we remember how she and Russ left Mac no choice but to improvise a plan to save lives, we remember Riley risking everything to protect him and be there for him. WE REMEMBER.
So when you dismiss all of that and re-write MacDesi as if they’re this great couple, it’s not going to work for people. And when you tease MacRiley the whole week with promos, exclusive pictures, articles, SM promotion; promising progress between Mac and Riley only to walk over everything that made them special, you get a lot of NEGATIVE reaction from the fans. With good reason.
* * *
Episode started with Mac and Riley on a picnic mission. The scene was amazing in every sense. The colors, lighting, the conversation between them, the almost kiss, the way Mac held Riley and they lied down for a while, the smug smile on his face and the looks he gave to Riley were all awesome! The car chase was super fun too!
But then everything went down the toilet. Coz in the next scene Mac was complaining to Bozer about how Desi wasn’t spending time with him and avoiding his date attempts. In this scene they retconned Bozer too. For the first time, Bozer encouraged Mac to go ask Desi out and fix their relationship.
Normally Bozer would never do such a thing. Why? Bcoz he’s been against a romantic relationship between them ever since Desi first showed up in 3x14. Bozer thought it was a bad idea from the start, called them Mesi (messy), he didn’t think it was a good idea to bring Desi back on the team in 4x01, coz MD break up was NUCLEAR. So up until 5x03 Bozer was never on Team MacDesi. Lets also remember this exchange between them:
In 4x12 when Bozer was trying to save Mac and Riley’s lives, he turns to Desi...
Bozer: Desi, back me up here.
Desi: Sometimes we need to sacrifice the things we love for the greater good.
So after 4x12, one would only expect that his thoughts on MD would get stronger. But guess what? Bozer is now supporting MD. Just like that. I don’t buy it writers, sorry.
Back to the scene… Mac wants to go on a date with Desi. And he is so desperate about it. We had to witness one of the most awkward scenes between them. Not only that but we had to sit through Riley throwing smiles at MD, saying her feelings for Mac was just Codex adrenaline. Riley, who couldn’t watch any interaction between MD, is now totally cool with them!
And lets just say that Riley was pretending she’s over Mac, that she lied to Bozer bcoz she’s trying to move on. We already watched her having feelings for Mac, hiding those feelings and pining for him. Her one-sided love can’t drive the plot anymore.
Besides she didn’t need to give her blessings to MD. It was an overkill. I really hated the scene where she says “Don’t screw up this time” to Mac…That was totally out of character for Riley.
Riley who reminded Desi that Russ & her were gonna nuke them,
Riley who said she went after Mac coz she trusted him &asked Desi "Why didn't you?",
Riley who risked it all to protect Mac, tells Mac not to screw it up with Desi.
By saying those words, Riley makes it known that Mac was the one screwing up his rl with Desi. Desi had no fault. Once again the writers used my favorite character to prop my least favorite character. Shame on you!
***
I’m not gonna talk about every MacDesi scene in this episode. But let me just say that the writers turned Mac into a desperate, begging, lovesick puppy. He asked Desi for a date like 5 times, apologized twice. Kissed her out of the blue. Bcoz lets face it, that scene was so unnecessary. Nobody was onto them, the police car was passing by slowly and if the police were really suspicious, why would they look at the couple kissing instead of checking who’s in the car? So stupid. Oh and while they were kissing for minutes with great lighting and all, General Ma escaped. Mac acting this stupid, is not something we are used to see. But what you gonna do? I guess love is not only blind but also destroyes brain cells in the process.
Anyway, Mac literally begging Desi to go on a date with him was agonizing to watch. Every time he offers a new dating idea, Desi’s answer is NAH. Back in the picnic scene she made it sound like she wanted to date Mac, but of course she needs to make him suffer first!
I only like to point out the scene where Mac –finally- opened up to Desi about the fishing trip he and his father went together. This story is obviously precious to him. He called it a happy memory. Clearly he misses his father, still mourning for his loss. So he shared his happy memory and asked if she would like to go fishing with him. Desi’s answer? “Not gonna go fishing with you as our first date!” You can read the dissapointment on his face. And my heart breaks for Mac but this kind of treatment is something he’s asking for.
He is desperate to get Desi back. The fact that they are the worst match ever, doesn’t change sh*t. Mac wants Desi and he loves Desi for god knows why.
***
Btw- the whole “lets blame only Mac for Codex and ignore Desi’s wrongdoings” plot is disgusting. Yes, Mac suffocating Desi and Russ to escape Phoenix with Scarlett was wrong. Yes he hurt her, yes in a sense he betrayed her. AND HE APOLOGIZED. But what about Desi? What about her betrayel?
First they made Riley apologize to Desi for following Mac and now they made Mac apologize… But no apologies from Desi. The writers are obviously worshipping Desi and they’re ready to sacrifice every character to make her look “perfect”. I’m sorry but i’m not here to watch the Desi show, or more MacDesi nonsense.
***
Mac said Desi is the woman he loves… but not only that, she is also the woman who guided him back. And the RETCON is really strong with this scene.
Lets remember…
In 4x08 Mac loses his father, at the end of the episode Desi wants to go with Mac but Mac stops her, telling he’d see her tomorrow.
In 4x09 Desi says he can share his burden with her, Mac’s not interested, he says what he needs is to stop Codex.
In 4x10 Mac makes apocalypse kits for Riley and Desi. Desi’s so happy she got a crossbow and didn’t think those kits were a bad sign. But Riley notices that Mac is not in a good place, he needed help and support. Riley shares her concerns about Mac with Desi. She probably thinks it’s not up to her to be the one doing that when Desi is the girlfriend. So after her conversation with Riley, Desi makes soup and gives Mac a compass. Saying he’s not lost (he clearly was tho). She askes if everything’s ok, he looks different but Mac says, he’s just tired.
In 4x12 Mac is lying in bed, lost in his own mind, he gets up, leaves the compass on her side of the nightstand… On the run he ignores Desi’s calls.
Then things get really ugly for MacDesi. Desi says “You are so drunk on somescrewed-up cocktail of your mom, your aunt, Codex science...”… She says “You're compromised”… Mac was just trying to get Scarlett on their side to stop Codex but Desi couldn’t see it. She thought Mac was losing it!
And then Desi sides with Russ and turns her back on Mac. Russ dismisses Mac from the Codex mission. Mac's forced to improvise. Bcoz he wants to stop Codex without bloodshed.
So as you can see they completely re-wrote the events of 4x12 to fix MD.
Desi says: “I had front-row seats to the war that raged in you last year, and I can't do that again. Lose you.”
She was ready to sacrifice him for the greater good. But yeah, sure! Why not.
Mac says: “Des, I know it looked like I was lost, but you were there the whole time, guiding me back home.”
THE WHOLE TIME.
In 3 times she “tried” to be there for him, Mac didn't let her in emotionally but lets just say that she brought him back to his senses.
Lets just say that the compass he left on her side of the nightstand represents that it guided him back. (btw lets also ignore that the compass Mac gave Desi back was a different one. Who knows, maybe he threw it in the garbage during the pandemic and bought a new one)
Lets just forget who really brought him back. Lets just ignore what Riley did for Mac. How she saved him, how she was the one who risked everything for Mac. How she was the one there by his side when they were facing a missile.
Only if we forget and retcon history we can all buy MacDesi.
But i can’t… I can’t forget, i’m not ok with a retconned half-ass love story that they want to sell with MD. I can’t sit through the episodes and keep watching the “flawless Desi” show.
This show isn’t entertaining to me anymore. I can’t recognize Mac, i’m pissed that my fav characters are being used as tools to prop Desi.
One last thing before i say my final goodbyes:
The lighting in this episode was so weird. In almost every scene, heavy light effects distracted me. Usually they use it when they show you a flashback, a dream or a hallucination to seperate the real-time scenes from others. But this episode had them from the start to the end. So i don’t know what to make of this.
Some of the dialogues had subtexts…
Leland to Russ: Now, I know you don't care about much in this world, but even the best of us can be blinded by those we love.
General Ma to Mac: I was blinded by him (Leland) once. I-I won't be blinded again.
Mac: Many things blind us. Anger, betrayal, even love. But sometimes, a little blindness can work to your advantage. You can create a fog that will cause the world around you to disappear.
Normally i would dive deep into the subtextland. But i don’t think the writers were trying to give some deep message or anything.
I do believe that Mac is totally blinded by his “idea” of love… But i’m done waiting for him to open his eyes. The Mac i watched in this episode is not My Mac.
Writers made their choice. They made Mac's feelings crystal clear. He's all about Desi. At this point, Desi breaking up with him would mean nothing to me. Just like Riley still having feelings for Mac means nothing anymore.
Official accounts tweeting “There’s more to come for MacRiley” means nothing to me anymore.
Noone wants a rebound plot but unfortunately it's the only possibility they left to MacRiley. My ship is tainted forever.
And as a Riley stan, i don’t want this Mac with my girl. She deserves better.
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On the Death of Sirius Black and Literary Gay Bashing in Harry Potter
In 2003, I was ten, straight, and positively obsessed with Hermione Granger.
If those last two things sound a little contradictory, it’s because they were. I do not mean I was “obsessed” in the sense that I wanted to dress up like her for Halloween, I mean “obsessed” in the sense that I literally blushed anytime my mom read her name aloud to my sister and I.
Queer. I was queer. I just didn’t know it yet.
Thus, I didn’t notice the Sirius/Remus romantic subtext as a child, drinking hot chocolate propped against my sister’s knees and listening enraptured as my mom read to us from the most recently released Harry Potter book. When Order of the Phoenix came out, I was far more interested in Angsty Harry™ and the evils of Delores Umbridge, and when Sirius died, I was not even all that upset. I didn’t really like him all that much, knew even at that age that he embodied too many of the stereotypically “masculine” traits I had already grown to hate with his pride and brooding and emotional immaturity. I didn’t much care, much less recognize that JK Rowling had done something rather unforgiveable.
But others did.
Seventeen years later, I get it.
By 2003, many older, wiser readers had long since clocked the queer subtext between Sirius and Remus. And, when I picked up the books earlier this year to re-read them for the first time since they were read to me as a child, I saw it too. (Notably, this was prior to JKR’s most recent round of blazing transphobia, after which I stopped reading.) And, okay, yes, I am the type of queer who reads queerness into many things. But y’all, I really didn’t have to try all that hard this time. If I were reading these books for the first time in the context of 2020, I would assume Remus and Sirius were canonically a couple, and JKR just wasn’t bashing us over the head with clear evidence of it. She doesn’t do that most of the time anyway. By Order of the Phoenix, in my opinion, the evidence (as movie Dumbledore says so awkwardly) is incontrovertible. The living together? The joint Christmas present? The “Sirius, sit down” scene early in the book? The confirmed HIV/AIDS metaphor, IN THE 90S?? THEY’RE FUCKING GAY TOGETHER.
And here’s the thing, (and I have no proof of this, so you’re just going to have to roll with it): I think it’s pretty clear that JKR became more conservative as time progressed. Money tends to do that to people, conveniently. What started as a series about the power young people hold to defeat evil and fight injustice eventually devolved into a flaccid epilogue where heterosexual nuclear families abounded and there were (still) no visibly queer characters in sight.
By the time the final book came out, I was a full-fledged teenager, and I, too, had abandoned fantasies of fighting evil and injustice for fantasies of settling down with “my perfect man” (L. O. L.) So, I get it. I get that priorities change for young people. But for adults, especially those recently drunk on the power of infinite amounts of money and fame? Nah. JKR knew what she was doing. JKR laid all the groundwork for a possible relationship between Remus and Sirius and then changed her mind. Or was told to change her mind. Or was forced to change her mind.
I have A Lot Of Feelings™ about Tonks and Remus’s relationship (most of which are about the way their canonical relationship plays into a lot of really awful tropes about disabled people which, no matter how you read him, Remus is). And I have a lot of feelings about Sirius Black as a character. I have a lot of feelings about Dumbledore, some related to his posthumous outing and some not. And, like most of us now, I have a lot of feelings about the entire franchise as a whole. But here’s what I know: It doesn’t actually matter, because JKR didn’t just change the explicit relationship dynamics between Sirius and Remus, she quite literally killed any chances of queer romance.
And she didn’t just kill Sirius. She killed Remus, too. And Tonks (who is a genderqueer butch and I will die on that hill). And Dumbledore. And the cute, squeaky house elf with a love for clothes and an obsession with Harry. And the young Gryffindor boy who followed Harry around, constantly asking for photos and autographs. And – you know what? Fuck it. – the person who lived INSIDE ANOTHER MAN’S BODY before returning to his bodily form, during which time he relied heavily on his male servant who cut off a literal body part to restore his master.
Am I reading too much queer subtext into each of these characters? Maybe. But, as this lovely article states, “close reading is queer culture, always has been.” And I can’t help but notice that the vast majority of the characters JKR didn’t kill off are, well, pretty fucking straight. (Drarry shippers, feel free to come at me. I’m sure there’s plenty of queer subtext there, too). They’re, for the most part, characters with a clear canonical history of heterosexual romance, as if only those with a possible future of a heterosexual, nuclear family are worthy of survival.
And I just don’t think this was an accident. I think it was the intentional plan of someone who started to feel like the world of inclusion she’d created was being read as far too inclusive.
To call this “literary gay bashing” is a pretty serious accusation with a pretty serious use of a very loaded term. But the thing is, I think we too often let people like JKR off the hook without recognizing what her words – both literary and non-literary – have done and can do. We too often dismiss it with statements like, “she’s entitled to her opinion”. Gay bashing is the intentional abuse or assault of someone perceived to be a member of the LGBTQIA2+ community, physically or verbally, that often results in lasting harm or death. And I use this term to describe JKR’s work particularly because it is sensationalizing, because it calls violence what it is: violence. Because, sure, she’s as entitled to her opinion as anyone else. But the second you create a world where anyone, especially children, are going to see themselves, going to feel safe, your “opinion” better do as little violence as possible.
When I saw the first Harry Potter movie, back in 2001, I refused to discuss it for months. I was furious. At the time, I couldn’t quite pinpoint why, but I now realize that I was heartbroken that Hermione Granger didn’t look like me. When JKR described a girl with wild, brown curly hair, I saw me. I saw my hair. And so, as children tend to do, I saw the rest of me, too. I saw tanned skin and dark brown eyes and full lips and high cheekbones (the ones people always told me made me look “Indian”, which I only partially am). I saw the quiet confidence that develops when you’re the brownest kid in your school, ready to strike but only when provoked. The pale, arrogant, racially unambiguous Hermione Granger I saw on the screen made me feel dirty, cast off, unworthy of representation. The self-hatred I felt when White Hermione Granger entered the film alongside White Harry Potter and White Ron Weasley and White Everyone Else was a kind of violence.
And when JKR killed off all of her queer-read characters, she took that violence to another level. Because they were there, we saw them, we did not imagine the romantic undertones between Remus and Sirius, or the way that a shape-shifting young woman with short, spiky hair reads an awful lot like a person uninterested in traditional gender. We saw ourselves in the most beloved franchise of all time. And then, she took away those possibilities, and she took away those characters.
And you know what? People die because they can’t see themselves in media. People die because that’s what they’ve watched everyone like them do on screen and in books. It’s not harmless, and it’s not victimless, and it’s violent.
There’s only one solution to literary gay bashing: To Bash Back. We can and do write ourselves into the stories, into the world, and refuse to settle for explanations that gaslight us into thinking we imagined things that were never there, or ask us to settle for tiny crumbs of useless representation.
I intended to finish my most recent story, “Come Healing”, with an ambiguous ending that left the possibility of Sirius’s death open to reader interpretation. But then, JKR kept going, and talking, and kept creating violence, and I got mad. And so, like so many queers before me, I rewrote the story and changed the ending, and created love and security and peace and life where the canonical author had created hopelessness and death. And in the world we live in right now, that is radical. It is bashing back.
It’s tiny, but it’s something. Every time we write a happy ending for a queer character, we create the possibilities of happy endings for queer people everywhere. And no one – no matter how hard she may try – can take that away.
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So Enola Holmes... is... alright.
I definitely think I set myself up for disappointment by reading the first book however. Then again it wouldn’t be the first time a movie adaptation failed to live up to my expectations, and it didn’t wander off from the novel as much as other movies have (that I still haven’t forgiven).
This will contain some spoilers, and I’m still not sure if all my mental ducks are in a row. And if anyone who has read the rest of the books can explain some of the additions to the movie please do!
Rant below.
When it came time to watch the movie I thought I would make notes while I was watching it, stayed up till it released at 2am my time, got some popcorn and prepared. Though I honestly felt like I was not prepared for a nearly 2 hour movie. The set up for her family dynamic was off from the get go. Book wise, the issue was that her mother gave birth to Enola so late in her life that to others it was a scandal like how could this woman avoid having a child for so many years between Sherlock and Enola. The way the movie presents it, it’s no different than me not knowing my youngest sibling well because I went off to college when he was 4. It’s presented in the movie as the boys got busy in their own lives and never visited, and Mycroft had put an time limit over his mother’s head that she could live there until Enola became 16. To make him look like an even bigger jerk. In the book this was presented as an unfairness that Mycroft took ownership of the home after their father died due to being a male heir, but that he was still leaving the care of it to his mother. There was no threat of possible homelessness after a while.
Adding this detail where the guys simply moved on with their lives, and removal of this potential scandal, removed the fact that Enola’s mother told the guys not to come around. Which showed her mother plotting this escape for a long while, and now just shows how if the brothers had just spent more time with their family they would’ve realized what was happening. Also making it their fault they don’t have a relationship with Enola, and not her mother’s.
In the book Enola’s mom:
Left Enola alone to teach herself.
Left Enola alone most days so she could wander (she would bond over art)
Told Enola she was fine Alone, which can be a form of gas lighting when you combine the mother’s absentee behavior to the fact that
She told the boys not to come visit, creating a wall between her children
It’s highly understandable, being the only family Enola’s known, that it would be important to find her mother. But also why it wasn’t a big leap for Enola to start living on her own with the time came.
The only connection Enola had with her brother was through the articles about his cases. Which makes the cute scene with Lestrade later in the movie where they compare knowledge of Sherlock Holmes very odd. Adorable, but odd. Though Lestrade in this also has me a little ruffled with his henchmen like behavior later when he breaks down a door on a mission for Mycroft.
Mycroft deserved better, but at least he got to act like a shady government big brother character, it was entertaining.
They made comments about how Sherlock and Enola are more gifted than him. They also made comments about he was a jerk and cruel to Enola and their mom with what he said about them staying until Enola was 16. And I have a feeling they put in the finish school scenes so she could have the blow out with Mycroft as he brought her there. Which would of course also include a space where Enola could be semi-rescued by her now love interest, and give reasoning to Mycroft later washing his hands of her, despite his adamant belief that he is responsible for her.
Of course Mycroft’s reaction, Enola’s mother’s change of focus, and the new family dynamic set up for another change in Sherlock Holmes. Now we have the middle child who was not as cruel as his brother, but was still at fault for not visiting. But he remembered some things about Enola from the time they lived together that he would bring up to show he cared. Would even be used as ammunition against her mom in their last scene together. (though it is a fair not to be distracted by the far past kind of shut down instead of an accusation that her mother didn’t care)
Instead of being on the opposition of Enola, he seemed to be on her side. Even in the last moment where he tried to trick her into coming to see him, it didn’t seem completely malicious. He appeared to be proud of her when she beat him to solving the mystery, though he had not been active on it where she had been because he was busy trying to find her. Not because she was curious and got herself involved, but because the guy was stowing away in her cabin and got her involved. It was definitely her choice to step into it, but she had already turned away once before so she would meet her train.
This love interest character is not my favorite. In the book we have a kid who had some romanticized notions of seafaring and had his mistaken beliefs squashed by reality, hard. He became determined to go home and actually talk it out with his mom how she was babying him. Now we have a guy who is about Enola’s age (16, which was 14 in the books), who is knowledgeable in wild plants, willing to be adventurous, and even a little wild with Enola. Even changing it up where his interest in being a sailor was a cover to send people in the wrong direction of the fact he would want to work with flowers.
This all leads into the new piece of the Enola story. The mystery. Instead of a child running away, attempted kidnapping and ransoming, we have one murder and one attempted murder. Which also ties into the big political part of the movie regarding voting. It is revealed that there is a domestic terroristic plot due to not everyone having the right to vote (not said outright but hinted that this about giving women the right to vote). It would be voted upon by the lords later.
~~Politics~~
Which leads to a bit that gets me a touch upset. There were a lot of ties between protests and this bomb making lab that were not said, just indicated with flyers and other signs. Enola is later confronted about how they don’t have to set off the bomb because they thought they would have to make noise to be heard -rewatching that ending scene right now to make sure I remember it-
“You have to make some noise if you want to be heard. Oh, it’s funny. I thought I was the one that was going to change the world. The reform bill, is it true what you did?”
This part got me so angry. What Enola did was save her love interest who just happened to have a seat of power in which he could vote and help sway it in their favor with his one vote. In a certain light it felt like they were saying that believing in those with the power to change will change is better than protesting. The line is not wrong, but it felt like they were putting the bombs on the same stage as protests, which they are not.
It feels like they used the political aspect to help propel a more compelling mystery, which was definitely better suited for the big screen than the earnest story in the book. However, I can’t help but feel that it was muddled and poorly done. The fact they used politics doesn’t bother me as much as how they used it. Politics is used in stories all the time. Law making, what is just, what isn’t. Driving to the grocery store and what I see there, who I see there. It affects day to day life. However, if they want to focus on the element of protesting versus voting for change there is a debate there that I have feelings on, but not in a position to debate it.
Though it was very odd that they would want to talk about politics in the time frame and not show them as much in the movie as they did in the book. Keeping politics effects on life at arms length enough to use political shouting and protests without the more compare and contrast which THEY COULD’VE done with the love interest if they felt more inclined. But while the book version of him actually seems to have learned more about the outside world, this one just came in mint woke condition and only needed saving from the murderer and some mild convincing to go back and vote because they didn’t want him to.
~~Less Politics~~
Which also brings in the humorous political and societal norm that was ignored in the movie but brought up in the book. Women’s clothing. Enola’s mother uses it as a mean to hide her essentials while running away, and Enola does the same. She also does a good many things while dressed up as a woman, not bribing men to change clothes with her as often. The clothes that Enola once had despised at the beginning of the book she would grow to appreciate, especially the corset whose ribbing protected her from death with a knife caught on it. Honestly same though, it’s funny when a piece of sturdy material you’re wearing saves your life and stops a blade (personal experience, mine was metal).
It felt like a dishonor to change that thought process, especially when Book Enola also didn’t disguise herself as a guy because she thought it would be too obvious. Where as a lady, or a nun, or a widow would make better disguises when they only see a child when they look at her and presume she doesn’t care for womanly attire.
It is probably better to go book to movie in this case. You get a different story that is more exciting for the screen. Whereas going movie to book might be disappointing without the literature equivalent of jumping from a moving train..
The book was a fun read, Enola was a strong young woman who definitely feels like she is a Holmes without having to subject herself to them.
The movie is exciting, with a fractured family feeling with some political commentary.
Each of the pieces have their own positive traits and negative traits. I can see why certain changes were made. Though I may not agree with them.
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Being Both Chinese and Otaku
I’m sure many of you may know this, but I’m a 1st generation Chinese-American. My first exposure to anime was back in the early 1990s’ through Cantonese-dubbed episodes of Dragon Ball Z. It’s been quite a ride since then. However, because I’m 1st-generation Chinese-American, my parents are both 1950s’-born immigrants from Guangzhou, China. They knew people and relatives that went through a period of time in China (the 2nd Sino-Japanese War) when the Japanese invaded the country. Even decades later, tensions between China and Japan still exist and Chinese otaku are caught in the middle of this.
I caught this 2019 Foreign Policy article “Super Patriotic Anime Youth Wars!” on one of my feed readers recently. It talked about how the Chinese government is worried about the influence of Japanese pop culture on many Chinese youth. They believe that foreign media in general will cause dissension. China has gone on to start their anime/manga stuff in order to gain some kind of control over Chinese otaku youth. Bilibili, a Chinese anime streaming service that has gotten a lot of attention over the past few years, was formed to help promote the Chinese government’s views.
I began to think about my own otaku journey and how someone else similar to me living in America feels.
Years ago, I wrote an article for an anime site about being a Chinese otaku. I forgot what I entirely wrote (link is now dead), but I remember I talked about a story that my mother once told me. It was about one of my aunts who literally ran away from Japanese soldiers during the 2nd Sino-Japanese War. My mom said that when my aunt was a young child in the early 1940s’, she carried one of her friends and searching for a hiding place with their caretaker while Japanese soldiers were looking to capture them. The soldiers yelled all kinds of profanities similar to how some anime characters say them. My aunt is still around, but has never talked about those experiences to me and I have never once talked to her about my love of Japanese pop culture.
Back in the mid-2000s’ when the anime boom was happening, my dad once said to me that he thinks anime may corrupt Chinese youth and that we wouldn’t understand the horrible things they did to China. After reading that Foreign Policy article on China/Japan tensions affecting otaku, I see that a good amount of Chinese folks, who grew up in China pre-1990, have utter dislike over otaku culture. The 2D world is full of imaginative ideas that aren’t easily controlled. What’s funny is that my parents didn’t mind me getting involved with all things Japanese. They knew it was what kept my mind occupied from depression. They knew I would probably hate them for taking Japanese pop culture away from me.
It’s hard enough being an otaku. But it’s harder when you’re an otaku and also have to deal with cultural tensions between two countries (one of which represents your nationality) that don’t like each other very much. I know China is a lot more receptive towards anime and manga compared to the United States, but the government will try to censor/ban anything with messages that sound overly rebellious against authority figures (i.e. Attack on Titan is the biggest example). It’s also very hard to businesses to ignore China because of its super-large population and the money potential.
I see a lot of Chinese youth in my area watching anime and reading manga on the train. I see them hanging around in places like Kinokuniya. That’s not going to change. I do feel that we all have our mental blind spots. I want the older Chinese generations to understand that some aspects of modern Japanese culture aren’t guilty of association for past war crimes and I want my generation and future Chinese generations to realize that Japan isn’t always some kind of great 2D holy land. It’s so easy to get caught up in the passions of whatever it is you love or hate. Follow your heart and gut is not always good advice when it comes to nuanced situations that involve complicated relationships. That thinking becomes a bit too biased for its own good.
As someone who’s been told “It’s all in the past. Get over it.”, I kind of relate to the pain that the older Chinese adults feel when they get ignored. They can’t keep up with how fast the present and future can go. My parents went through a lot to get to America. We can’t ignore the past. There’s too many untold stories that need to be told for a better future. Plus there has to be better acceptance of how random the future is. We may have a future where Japanese pop culture isn’t popular in China anymore due to politics. We may not as well. Trying to place so much control on things you can’t control leaves someone prone to endless frustration. I would love an emphasis on focusing on what someone can do now in the present moment.
I think sometimes we’re not taught to have these kinds of conversations because they make us feel emotionally vulnerable. And that’s terrifying to a lot of people. We want to look strong because that’s how we’re supposed to get through life and its obstacles according to the powers in place.
However, I do worry about China (and quite frankly, Japan as well) that focus on manipulating otaku fandom. I know that Japan’s history is awful and their tendency to not apologize for past war crimes is unnerving. I feel that otaku are being portrayed as a “dumb” kind of geekdom that only cares about getting what they want. That makes us prone to outside manipulation by people (i.e. governments) who say they care, but they don’t. That makes us no different from someone who loves to shop for brand-name clothes/shoes/etc. It’s natural to be recognized by a greater majority of people though as we have been picked on for so long. Maybe we’re getting external validation from the wrong types of people out of some desperation.
As a Chinese-American today, I don’t like China very much even though I do enjoy and respect some aspects of their culture. I’ve been there a couple of times, but I don’t feel compelled to go back compared to Hong Kong. I also can’t imagine myself living in Japan despite my fascination with the culture. I’m not sure if the country’s the right place for me as someone living with mental illness. I do see that there’s a good number of Chinese fans that have managed to find their own truths on how to handle cultural tension.
In any case, don’t let significant and mainstream in-group interference on all sides cloud all of your decision-making. Sometimes, the best kind of advice to get is from someone who doesn’t know you personally or is a part of your inner circle, but can relate to your situation and feelings. We will always have doubts and they deserve some validation.
I think the beautiful thing about otaku fandom being more widespread due to the internet is that it allows us to connect with diverse strangers of all kinds that are genuinely good to be around. For so long, we’re taught to avoid strangers growing up because they are either suspicious or not worth talking to. However, it’s those same strangers that can lead us to new paths and friendships outside of bubbles that can stagnate us. Those paths can help us make sense of our own past and current situations as well or at least come to terms with them.
I can tell you that a lot of Japanese series I followed have helped me go back to analyze and confront troubling aspects about my life in a way that matters. Maybe that’s why I manage to deal with many tensions including the Chinese/otaku dynamic instead of being just a passive consumer like most fans. I partake in a kind of “personal nostalgia” that’s more about your own growth and willingness to take on the bad stuff compared to collective nostalgia, which leads to hardcore nationalism/tribalism. I want you all to do the same when possible.
Life is strange to begin with. Maybe just embracing that notion will allow us to appreciate the diversity of all that surrounds it.
Shout-outs to anyone who is a Chinese otaku and managing cultural tensions in their own way. It’s hard work and as long as you’re not intentionally hurting people, you’re doing alright.
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Must I Suffer To Do What I Love?: An Exploration of the Tortured Artist
By Graysen Winchester
My mom always told me that depression is like diabetes. It’s lifelong, manageable with proper care, and something you are born with. A few weeks ago, as I laid my head on the toilet, dry heaving any last ounce of self respect into an empty bowl, I wished that I was born with diabetes. I hadn’t eaten a real meal in days and the thought of food made me nauseous. I had just gone to the gym, a mistake. Trying to take proper care of myself was becoming impossible. And yet, I wasn’t sick with anything. I was just sad. The type of sad that infiltrates every aspect of yourself until you cannot see past it. The type of sad that turns your body against you until you cannot even sleep. You cannot even dream of a time where you didn’t feel like this.
Ever since I was capable of writing, I have kept a journal. You can find all of these journals in the top left cubby of my bookshelf. This cubby houses all of my secrets. If you open the notebook with the cover of yellow and blue watercolor flowers, you will find a collection of short stories that I wrote when I was around eleven years old. I know that I was eleven because I wrote the letter “a” in a very specific way when I was that age, the way that Malia used to write them, so I did too. The stories are all thinly veiled portrayals of my life, the main character always having two brothers and two parents going through a divorce, though their names were always changed. One of the first sentences in this notebook is, “She wasn’t sure why she was so sad, but she was.”
When we don’t have answers, sometimes we create them ourselves. I don’t know why I have depression, but I don’t want to be cursed with something for no reason. I don’t want to be held back by this affliction that I did not ask for. I don’t want to see the world as meaningless. I don’t want to be weak. So, for many years, I decided that I am sad because I will someday become a great artist. I assume that is why I wrote such sad stories when I was eleven. I needed some place to put my pain and have it be worth something. When my art was not dripping in melancholy and cynicism, I thought that it was pointless.
As I have grown older, I have come to question this notion of the tortured artist. Must I suffer to do what I love? Is this a glorification of something that is truly void of benefit? I know that I am not the first person to ask this question, nor will I be the last. I am not the best of artists, nor the worst of sufferers. There have been many great artists before me that have suffered a great deal from mental illness. You may be thinking of Vincent van Gogh and his severed ear, and we will get to that later. Indeed, the stereotype has its backing. But is there truly a connection between creativity and mental illness? Does all genius come from pain?
When I began to look into this world of madness and art, I found an article that I thought would be perfect, underlining the exact phenomenon that I was interested in. This article was Maureen Neihart’s "Creativity, the arts, and madness". However, as with most research into the subject matter, Neihart takes loose correlations, ancient knowledge, and anecdotes to produce conclusions that seem indisputable. She quotes the philosophical greats, saying, “Plato said that creativity is a "divine madness...a gift from the gods."” No one wants to dispute Plato, so you read on, eating it up. Then, she throws in Shakespeare, Freud, and a variety of scientific studies that have found correlations between creativity and mental illness.
After my initial reading, I was convinced that creativity and madness were mutually inclusive. Upon a second reading, I realized that it has a very shallow evidence base. The studies that are referenced are very dated. Neihart is a clinical psychologist. The article is written for educators and counselors, cautioning them to have patience with highly creative children. It is not written for the academic researcher or anyone that is interested in questioning the basis of this correlation. Yet, it is a source that richly documents the prevalence of the notion of the mad artist. However problematic the studies or logic may be, they document the intense and lasting curiosity that society has had within this area of study.
One of Neihart’s major missteps in constructing a connection between madness and creativity is the same misstep that many face when trying to find a link between the two. This misstep is lack of specificity. In her article, Neihart states that, “Creativity is defined as the production of something both new and valued. Madness is defined as self destructive deviant behavior.” These definitions are incredibly vague. Joscelyn E. Fisher, a Research Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Uniformed Services University, discusses this misstep in her article "Challenges in determining whether creativity and mental illness are associated." In the article, she points out that “creativity” is a broad concept containing multiple facets. Mental illness is also not a singular concept, with many symptoms, diagnoses, and diagnostic criteria. Fischer proposes that in order for a scientifically sound connection to be made, there must be much more specific, systematic, and thorough studies being done. Even then, because of the complexity of both factors, the statistical relationship is likely not going to be linear.
Countless studies in this area have failed in this way and with other flaws in methodology. While many studies have been done, none have provided conclusive evidence to prove the link (Green). At this point in my research, I began to feel as if the case was closed. There is no evidence to provide a link, so a link is nonexistent. And trying to prove this link might just be glamorizing an illness that so often leads to suicides, broken families, and insane amounts of loss. On the other hand, there is so much that is true that does not have scientific evidence to back it. There may not be sufficient statistical correlations, but there are human beings that have lived and breathed the narrative. These human beings have stories to tell that should not be ignored. There may not be a chart proving why, but there are many masterpieces in the world that have been born from darkest corners of the mind.
Sylvia Plath is one of the most notably mentally ill artists, an American poet who was hypothesized to have manic depression ("Sylvia Plath"). In 1963, she committed suicide at age 31("Sylvia Plath"). This was not her first suicide attempt, and many of her literary works focus on her fascination with death and her unbending cynism. When reading her poetry, I felt an eerie sense of identification with many of her poems. Her poem, “Never Try To Trick Me With A Kiss” spoke to a sense of hopelessness that I had never put words to.
Sooner or later something goes amiss;
The singing birds pack up and fly away;
So never try to trick me with a kiss:
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this. (Plath 16-19)
To me, this last stanza is the essence of depression, an acceptance of misery and a firm belief in the temporality of pleasure. To create a piece of art that is so representative of this experience is a kind of genius. These words feel like an echo in my mind. They haunt me and yet they make me feel less alone. That is the mark of great art, when you can reach into your own mind and cause someone else to reach inside their own. There is no doubt that Plath was tortured, and that she was a remarkable artist. Her pain drove her work, but it also drove her to take her own life.
In biographer Jeffrey Meyers’ article, “Pursued by Demons: Creativity and Suicide”, he explores the lives of four artists that have taken their own lives: Jules Pascin, Arshile Gorky, Nicolas de Staël and Mark Rothko. He draws the conclusion that these artists “committed suicide not only to escape from pain but also to make a deliberate sacrifice for art.” Meyers investigates the tragic lives of each of these artists and speculates into what made them commit suicide. Each of the artists experienced a sense of alienation from society and held the belief that mental illness was a value to their art. This belief was confirmed by the culture that they lived in. Each of their artistic successes accelerated after their deaths. One of Rothko’s pictures has sold for $186 million, de Staël’s for $10 million, Gorky’s for $4.2 million, and Pascin’s for hundreds of thousands. The same is true for Plath, her success post-mortem was far greater than when she was living (“Sylvia Plath”).
This article offers a fascinating case study of four artists and how their relationship to their mental illness destroyed them. The Romantic view of the sacrificial artist in combination with the emergence of Existentialism bred a mindset within the artists that their mental illness is what fueled their art, and this is a belief held by consumers and producers of art alike. Meyers uses biography to demonstrate how popular culture and one’s own background can play a large role in how their mental illness manifests. If it is encouraged by others and believed to fuel their art, it is much more likely that the artist will harbor an unhealthy obsession with their own suffering. Even Meyers plays into this belief that their poor mental health contributed to their greatness. He writes, “If they had not been mentally ill, they could not have painted with such intensity and brilliance.” But did these artists create because of their illness or in spite of it?
Vincent van Gogh was yet another artist that was hypothesized to have mental illness, committed suicide, and became infintely more sucessful after his death ("Vincent van Gogh"). His artwork is hugely influential and recognizable to even those who know little of art history. His unique expressive brush strokes gave his paintings a dynamic vibrance. Throughout his life, van Gogh wrote many letters. These letters have been collected and published online by the Van Gogh Museum. These letters give great insight into the artist’s personal life. In letter 772 out of the 902 documented letters, van Gogh writes to his brother Theo. The two were extremely close, and Theo was very supportive of his brother’s artistic pursuits ("Vincent van Gogh"). In this letter, Vincent writes from the asylum of Saint-Paul-de-Mausole after he had cut off his own ear in a manic episode. He tells his brother how he is doing much better, and that he is no longer afraid of madness. When referring to his art, he writes, “The idea of my duty to work comes back to me a lot, and I believe that all my faculties for work will come back to me quite quickly. It’s just that work often absorbs me so much that I think I’ll always be absent-minded and awkward in getting by for the rest of life too.” (To Theo van Gogh and Jo van Gogh-Bonger. Saint-Rémy-de-Provence, Thursday, 9 May 1889). When he is finally calm and in treatment for his mania, van Gogh has a renewed ability to create. He paints the flowers in the garden. I think that a lot can be learned from this short reflection. In states of mental illness, creativity is not heightend but stifled. Artists create better when they are well. However, artistic pursuits can be consuming, and this could be what drives the artist to madness. Creation is an incredibly challenging quest.
In fact, maybe it isn’t madness that creates great art, but the label of “artist” that creates mental instability. Jérémy Sinigaglia, a political scientist with a focus in the sociology of artistic employment, would likely think so. In his article, "Happiness as a Reward for Artistic Work", he examines a field study done in Alsace and Lorraine in France where performing artists in this region were asked about the happiness resulting from their profession. Artistic occupations elicit some envy, as they are often considered the escape from monotonous labor. Therefore, artists are expected to be happy in their professions despite job insecurity. This article challenges this view, based on the responses gathered from performers in France. The first is that artists must have realistic expectations of what they can actually achieve. Sinigaglia writes, “even a limited awareness of the objective chances of success appears to reduce the psychological cost of failure.” Secondly, poor employment conditions make it a necessity for artists to find fulfillment in areas other than their professional life. Third, artists often feel as if they cannot express displeasure at their profession, since many others have it worse. Being unsatisfied in a creative field can seem like a betrayal to the basis of being an artist, since artistic work is supposed to be a liberation.
While this study may be specific to France in some ways, I feel that it can be helpful in digging into the mind of the artist. Choosing art as a career is a jump into uncertainty. This article provides evidence that perhaps creative professions can breed unhappiness. With constant job insecurity, fear of failure, and feelings that their dissatisfaction is not legitimate, perhaps the artist could become troubled due to the pressures that come along with the job and their place in society.
The question of the tortured artist is not a simple one, yet any good question rarely has a simple answer. Through my research, I have not found whether or not genius comes from pain, though I know that great art has been created from great sadness, and art as a whole should not shy from this vital human emotion. By living a life frequently dominated by sadness, it has given me a unique perspective of the world. But sadness is not a goal, just something that we live through and learn from. It is not a commodity, making art more valuable because of it. Sadness and art are undoubtedly intertwined. Art is a career that means uncertainty and unpredictability. Creation is extremely difficult. But mental illness is not genius. It is a disease that cuts lives short. It is ugly, not glamorous.
Artists should have a healthy relationship to their work and their mental illness. Not every artist is mentally ill, but those who are should learn to use art as a way to reshape their pain and share their experience, not fetishize hopelessness. We must find a balance between de-stigmatization and romanticization of mental illness and restructure the way that we see art and the people that create it. At the end of this research journey, I have learned to look at my own mental illness in a new way. It is not void of value and it does not make me weak. It is part of me and it is part of many people that I love. It is not responsible for my artistic success, but my art helps me see the nuances of it and of the human experience as a whole. I have depression, but I am not depression. I am an artist. When I create, I do so to heal myself and find connection. That should be the aim of creation, not a contest of who suffers most.
Works Cited
Fisher, Joscelyn E. "Challenges in determining whether creativity and mental illness are
associated." Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 6, 20 Feb. 2015,
doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00163.
Green, Sarah, writer. The Myth of the Tortured Artist. Directed by Mark Olsen, PBS Digital
Studios.
Meyers, Jeffrey. "Pursued by Demons: Creativity and Suicide." American Imago, vol. 73, no. 1,
2016. Project Muse, doi:10.1353/aim.2016.0005.
Naar, Hichem. "Art and Emotion." Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy.
Neihart, Maureen. "Creativity, the arts, and madness." Roeper Review, vol. 21, Sept. 1998.
Davidson Gifted Database.
Plath, Sylvia. “Never Try To Trick Me With A Kiss.” The Collected Poems, HarperCollins
Publishers, 1981, pp. 319.
Sinigaglia, Jérémy. "Happiness as a Reward for Artistic Work." Sociétés Contemporaines, vol.
91, doi:10.3917/soco.091.0017.
"Sylvia Plath." Poetry Foundation, edited by Michael Slosek, Poetry Foundation.
"To Theo van Gogh and Jo van Gogh-Bonger. Saint-Rémy-de-Provence, Thursday, 9 May 1889."
Vincent van Gogh The Letters, Van Gogh Museum.
"Vincent van Gogh." Encyclopædia Britannica, 2020.
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank my mom for all she does for me and my growth as a human and as an artist. I would also like to thank Iris Michelson for help in revision. And finally, I would like to thank my professor, Mary Kovaleski Byrnes for her patience and kindness. From her, I have learned so much about the craft of writing and the passion for curiosity.
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Unloved. ( Jungkookx OC)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2 ~
“I think we should start the teasers this week. They’re ready, aren’t they?” Jennie Kim looked sharp as a dagger as she glared fiercely at the head of the editing department, who squeaked a little in surprise.
I watched as the grown man almost tripped as he scrambled off his seat , fingers getting caught in his tie when he tried to push a file across the mahogany table.
Jennie huffed, looking long-suffering and put upon as she flipped the file open , revealing some plastic filers, filled with portfolio shots for the week’s issue.
The head of the editing dept began to say something, only to have his voice crack. He cleared his throat before trying again.
“We have seven shortlisted. We can start with one of them ...” He said hastily and she stared at them with a critical eye before nodding.
“Send them to my desk later and I’ll pick the best one.” She turned around to stare at me, face unreadable, but a very shrewd glint in her eye. I managed to keep a straight face.
“You’ll be the one covering the story, Ms. Jung? ” She said politely and i swallowed.
Earlier that day, Jennie had dropped in to my office, looking calculative and guarded.
She told me that there was no compulsion for me to take this project from her side and she had been made aware of certain ‘ delicate ‘ issues between me and Jungkook . But she trusted me to rise above such ‘insignificant’ things and hoped i wouldn’t prove her wrong. It would be a shame to let such a ‘ senior’ writer ‘ go’ because of silly high school dramatics.
As far as threats went, it wasn’t a particularly subtle one.
But she had also assured me that if everything went well, this would put me in the spotlight for a promotion and maybe my own weekly column, no restrictions , no set topics. I could be my own boss.
My heart fluttered at the thought of an independent column, with my name on it. It definitely trumped getting fired and living on the streets.
“uh... Yes. i’m scheduled to meet Mr. Jeon and his fiancee in two days.” I smiled weakly and she hummed.
“Get a haircut.” She said thoughtfully.
I blinked.
“I...sorry?” I stared at her, certain I’d misheard.
“I think it would make the story more evocative if you put a personal spin to it. From your own point of view. You come from a, excuse my language, much plainer background than Mr. Jeon so it would be interesting to see your personal take on a luxurious wedding between two powerful people..”
She looked downright cruel as she smiled at me, teeth white and sharp.
I gripped my pencil a little harder.
“Of course.” I ducked my head.
The rest of the meeting went much the same way, me scribbling notes to make sure i didn’t deviate from the ‘ vision’ she had for the story. The phrases stung. She talked about how it was fitting that a man like Jungkook chose a woman like Kira. How marriages built on compatibility and a common goal were far more likely to survive and how it was important for two people to be made from the same ‘cloth’ to truly be good enough for each other.
By the time we were done , my head was spinning with regrets and my heart felt a little like it had been used as a punching bag. When i gathered my things to leave she gave me a tight-lipped smile.
“don’t forget what i said, Nara. If you keep it together the next six weeks, there’s a lot of good things heading your way. Don’t ruin it by making silly choices.”
I realized that she truly thought that I was going to try and sabotage the wedding somehow. The mere idea was laughable.
“Trust me Ms Kim , there is absolutely nothing personal in my relationship with Jungkook.” I said tiredly and she hummed.
“So they all say, Nara. Don’t forget the haircut. You’d look less like roadkill then.” She glanced disdainfully at my messy long hair. I stared after her, struggling to keep my emotions in check.
I wasn’t going to get a stupid haircut. This wasn’t my wedding and i wasn’t obligated to look good for anyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up two hours early on the day i was scheduled to meet Jungkook and his fiancee for lunch. It was a little past five thirty in the morning and there was a thunderstorm raging outside. I dragged myself to the huge french windows on the corner of the living room, wrapping my blanket tighter around myself and peering out into the pouring rain.
I felt ..odd. Not angry or lonely per se, but just a little empty.
I was old. A lot older than what my nineteen year old self had deemed as ‘ old’.
Twenty nine was the age when...everything in my life was supposed to be already done and settled. Job, spouse, children , a house.
Everything.
Somehow reality had turned out to be a little different.
I was out on almost all counts. My job was fine, yes, but apparently i wasn’t as indispensable as I’d thought I was. It hung on this assignment .
My dating life was non-existent. It had been a little over eight and a half months since I’d been on a date . Almost two years since my last relationship , which could hardly be called that seeing as that hadn’t lasted even a full two weeks. The guy had been an exchange student just looking for a good time and had broken things off over a text . Over the next few months , I’d had a lot of mediocre to pretty average first or second dates but none of them had called back or made further advances.
In time I sort of gave up.
i gripped my hot mug of coffee and took a small sip.
“It’s okay.” i said out loud, watching my breath cloud the mirror in front of me. It was getting colder, although the sky was steadily brightening.
“It’s going to be okay.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jennie had told me that a camera crew would be accompanying me. Apparently, a very famous luxury lifestyle channel had picked up exclusive rights to run a small cover documentary on the couple and they would be having their own writers and producers and what not. Jennie assured me that they would stay out of my way , because the magazine article would be the priority.
But apparently, they’d roped in an award winning cinematographer from Busan, a young dynamic chap who wanted to give a ‘fresh twist’ to the story. Incidentally, the cinematographer's hotel was just a couple blocks away from my sister’s home.
So he had offered to pick me up on the way to the meeting.
I spent a few extra minutes getting ready. There wasn’t much point in fixing my hair, the humidity in the air would have its way with my messy curls anyway. I did pluck out a few errant hairs on my brow, adding a small bit of lipstick just to stop my lips from looking too lifeless.
I didn’t have a lot of bright or pretty clothes and I picked out a pale minty green dress with a stylish shoulder cape, a cinched waist and a pleated skirt that stopped just below my knee. I pulled a stool to the closet to rummage around in one of the top shelves, looking for the shoes my sister had got me for my graduation : cream- white strappy sandals with two inch kitten heels and dainty little stone studded flowers near the toes.
i stared at myself in the mirror, feeling stupid.
I had seen pictures of Kira Hirakuma .
I didn’t compare in any way or form.
What was i even doing? .
But it was too late now to change. And I doubted the Park Hyatt welcomed female guests who wore faded graphic t shirts and worn-out mom jeans.
The phone rang. It was the front desk. My’ ride’ was here.
Grabbing my recorder, my handbag and my phone and keys, I dashed out of the apartment. I frowned when I saw a message in my phone, the number unfamiliar.
I could drive down with you. Let me know if you need a ride, Nara. -jjk
i stared at the message for a while, trying to process it. I’d almost fully forgotten that Jungkook lived in the same building. I considered responding but decided against it.
He shouldn’t have offered in the first place, I thought firmly.
it was still raining when i reached the lobby and I felt my anxiety and shyness rise like a crushing wave when I saw how handsome the guy was.
“Hello, Jung Nara right ?” He smiled wide, eyes crinkling beatifically and I felt my tongue stick to my roof. I could only nod wordlessly, palms starting to sweat immediately. He looked amused as he shook my clammy hand.
“I’m..hi.” I croaked out.
“i’m Park Jimin. I’ve heard great things about you. And i read a bunch of your articles on the way here. You truly have a way with words.” He said , voice warm and genuine.
“I..uh..buh.” My mouth proceeded to prove him wrong as i struggled to form legible syllables . He was very handsome and he seemed sweet. It was impossible to keep my heart from giving a pathetically hopeful little leap. The stupid things was notorious when it came to pining after men who were way out of my league.
I cleared my throat.
Get it together, Nara.
“ I’m sorry... it’s been a rough few days. thank you. I’ve heard good things about you too, Jimin ssi.” I smiled.
“Let’s go shall we? The Kook i know usually gets pretty cranky when people make him wait.” He laughed, signalling the valet.
“You know Jungkook?” I asked weakly and Jimin hummed.
“Not well. He was a few years below me in high school, but we ran in different circles. I heard that you guys uh... dated for a while. ” He gave me a quick, embarrassed glance and I flinched.
“We’re all young and stupid sometimes. ” I laughed weakly and he chuckled.
“Well, all’s well that ends well. He seems pretty happy now and you’re doing pretty well as well.”
I swallowed and took a step away.
“I think the car’s here...” I croaked out , pointing at the valet who was looking around curiously. Jimin hummed and held a hand out.
“Want me to carry that for you?” He smiled, pointing at my bulky backpack and I clutched it tighter before I could stop myself.
“Uh..I’m fine. But thanks . For, you know offering.” I hated myself.
Surprisingly, Jimin laughed.
“You sound pretty wary. If it makes you feel better, I’m actually a cop.” He winked.
I felt my eyes go wide.
He shrugged.
“Well technically off duty. I’m originally a part of the force in Busan. I got injured about three weeks ago during a bank heist and they have me on paid leave.” He grabbed the the edge of his pocket, pulling it down a bit to show a shiny brass badge with a familiar crest.
I could only gape.
“I’m so sorry...Are you alright?” I said glancing at him in confusion. He didn’t look injured in any way. He grinned and shrugged.
“it was mostly a flesh wound but it was a very close shave. Unfortunately, my father happens to be my commanding officer and my mother bullied him into getting me off field duty.”
I smiled.
“They must love you very much.” I said and he shrugged.
“In their own stilted way, yes. But enough about me. Tell me more about yourself. You seem like a small town girl at heart. What are you doing here in the big bad city?”
I turned back to the car , which the valet had brought over in front of us. I let Jimin open the door for me, waiting till he’d settled in next to me, before replying.
“I can admit that it wasn’t my smartest move. things have been hard out here but I think i really needed to get out of my hometown. There was... well, things were happening there that I didn’t want to be a part of and it was hard for me to...”
I trailed off, feeling foolish. He had meant the question, probably as playful banter. And here I was, unleashing a vaguely worded sob story.
Jimin didn’t push , merely humming thoughtfully.
“I’m assuming there’s no boyfriend in the picture right now.” He said casually and I grimaced.
“Been a long time since I’ve been asked out. Close to a year almost. “ I shrugged. “ I had a bunch of blind dates when i first came here and even in Busan. But most of them didn’t call back. “
“In Busan? “ he sounded curious.
I nodded.
“it was surprising. There’s one that I’m still bitter over. It was over two year ago. I really liked the guy too, He was an exchange student . I thought we had something special and just , out of nowhere he sends me a text saying that he’s tired of waiting for me to... sleep with him and he just breaks up with me over text. i never heard from him. His name was...Malin something? I don’t recall. ”
“Malin Maurer? From Thailand? ” Jimin said suddenly, sitting up straighter, eyes narrowed.
I stared at him.
“Uh..yes?” i said nervously.
Jimin frowned for a second before blinking thoughtfully.
“Hmm...”
“What’s wrong?” i said nervous.
“Nothing.... I maybe wrong, but I think I covered a missing person’s report with that name.... About two years ago, i think?”
I stared.
“Missing persons?”
He grinned then, shaking his head.
“i’m sure it’s nothing serious. Tell me more about yourself.”
I felt a bit of disquiet but pushed it to the back of my mind.
“Well, there’s nothing much to say. None of my romantic prospects stuck around and I got busy with the magazine , so i just pushed it to the back burner, I guess.”
He smiled. The car was beginning to slow down.
“Fair enough. Looks like we’re here?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kira Hirakuma , for all her glamour on screen was almost disappointingly plain in real life. I was a little jarred by the contrast, having been prepared for someone out of a fairy tale.
She wore a burgundy suit , her thick black hair pulled into a no-nonsense pony, face devoid of make up and eyes looking just a little too miserable.
She gave me a weak, almost tired smile.
“Hi, Nara. Jungkook told me all about you.” She said, voice scratchy.
I glanced over her shoulders, over to the side , where Jimin and Jungkook stood talking . He kept glancing back at me and there was an air of urgency in the room that made me skittish.
“What’s uh... Are you alright?” I blurted out, before I could stop myself. She looked awful.
She smiled again, the expression not quite reaching her eyes.
“We’ve been ...traveling a lot. it’s been taking a toll.” She glanced back at Jungkook and he gave her an even stare. When she turned back to look at me, her eyes looked blank.
“My make up team is not yet here, but we could still start the interview..” She said, pointing at the couch in the side of the room and I nodded, following her over.
“The wedding planner is running late as well. We were hoping to finalize the dress today.” Kira said nervously and there it was , the same nervous little glance.
Outside, the rain was steady and thunderous. The air was damp and gloomy and i felt like I was underwater, struggling to breathe as a heavy mantle of misery settled over me. Her sadness was contagious.
I’d never believed in ghosts but the only way to describe the feeling was..... haunted.
“You look exhausted. are you sure you’re up for this?” i said gently and she gave me a bitter look.
“Do you want him back?” She croaked out.
I recoiled, stunned.
Of all the things I’d expected her to say, this was definitely on the bottom of the list.
“I- What ?” I choked out.
“If you do, you can have him.” She breathed out, “ I can’t....it’s too much... “ Her eyes shifted, looking wild, hunted.
And then something like anger flooded them, the irises almost flashing red. “And it’s your fault, you know.” She hissed at me. “ All of it’s your fault. You should be the one paying for it.....not me....” She spat out, eyes flashing.
I could only stare in stunned astonishment.
Had i fallen into some wormhole? What was happening? What was she even talking about?
I opened my mouth to respond but nothing would come out. And then a shadow fell over us, and she pulled away sharply, eyes wide and face blank again.
“Nara..... “ Jungkook’s voice said behind me, soft and even toned.
I was still staring at Kira, but her face betrayed none of the agitation from a few minutes ago.
“Good to see you again. Let’s get started shall we?” He said , staring right at me and I swallowed. i glanced over his shoulders, my eyes meeting Jimin’s . He gave me a cheerful wave before turning back to whoever he was talking to.
Jungkook cleared his throat and I turned to look at him.
He raised an eyebrow and I realized that he’d asked me something. My throat was dry as a desert.
“Oh..uh..Sure. Let’s start.” i managed a weak smile, glancing at Kira who was staring at her knees.
What else could i say?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AUTHOR’S NOTE” I promised myself i wouldn’t turn this into a cliche so ....here goes... :D
#jungkook fics#bts fics#bts smut#bts fanfic#jungkook fanfic#jungook smut#jungkook reactions#jungkook#bts#bts jungkook#jungkook fic
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Confidence in God Helped Me Stand Testimony When My Family Opposed My Belief
By Xiufen, Singapore
The editor’s word: On the path of believing in God, we often encounter different kinds of situations and barriers.
Sometimes due to small faith, we’ll be timid and hang back, and don’t know how to cope with the difficulties ahead. When the author of this article faced her family opposing her belief in God, it was God’s word that guided her to see through Satan’s schemes and follow God unswervingly. The following article will tell you her true experience.
In July 2017, by chance I got to know that the Lord had returned to flesh, and that His name is Almighty God. He has expressed many words and carried out the work of judgment beginning from the house of God. On hearing the news, I was amazed as well as joyful. Through a period of investigation and reading Almighty God’s word, I felt God’s word is exactly the truth and carries authority and power. His word not only reveals my corrupt nature and judges my unrighteousness but also makes me see the truth of my corruption by Satan and know God’s righteous disposition. At the same time, God’s word shows me how to get rid of sins and attain salvation. I was sure that Almighty God is indeed the returned Lord Jesus and then joined The Church of Almighty God formally.
One day, when my son happened to find the APP of The Church of Almighty God installed on my smartphone, he changed his usual attitude toward me and furiously pushed open the door of my room, questioning me loudly: “Mom! Have you believed in Almighty God?” This was the first time my son had become enraged with me in years. At this moment I was at a loss, but I had to pretend to be calm, saying: “Yes.” He continued to say forcefully: “Do you know The Church of Almighty God?” As he spoke, he immediately turned on the smartphone and showed me the online negative propaganda. Seeing the online negative propaganda, I felt furious in my heart, and thought: In the last days, God becomes flesh and expresses words to save mankind, giving people light; however, the atheistic CCP government starts libelous rumors and condemns The Church of Almighty God in an attempt to deceive people into refusing God’s salvation. The CCP is truly evil! Therefore, I looked at my son and told him firmly: “The CCP starts these rumors in order to suppress The Church of Almighty God. The CCP is atheistic and it has been relentless in its persecution of religious faith and declared that the Bible is an evil cult book. It hates the truth and resists God the most, so how can we believe its words?” Before I finished my words, my son interrupted me, saying: “Mom! No matter what you say, I won’t let you believe in Almighty God.” At his words, I raised my voice as well and said angrily: “My belief in God is my own business.” Then we ended up parting on bad terms and he furiously hurried to his school.
For a while, my son constantly sent messages to me, which all were some online negative propaganda about The Church of Almighty God. Additionally, my son had told my sister about my accepting God’s work of the last days, and so she made a call to hinder me as well. Facing this situation, I lost my calm for a long time and thought: Since we came to Singapore many years ago, my son and I have come to depend on each other; my son was always well-behaved and obedient, and he has never quarreled or argued with me. However, today he lost his temper to me because of believing the rumors of the CCP government; will the relationship between me and my son break up? If he keeps opposing my belief in Almighty God, then how should I deal with it? Through investigating the word Almighty God has expressed, I’ve determined it is the true path; will I give it up due to my son’s opposition? With this mind, I felt very confused and had to keep on praying to God in my heart: “God! What should I do? I beg You to guide me.”
After praying, I phoned a sister and told her what had happened. The sister communed with me: “Regarding the matter you are faced with, outwardly it appears that your son is hindering you from believing in God. Actually, there is a spiritual war behind it. In order to stop us from coming before God and gaining God’s salvation, Satan makes use of the person, matter and object around us to disturb us. Satan’s aim is to make us betray God and return to its battle formations. This is Satan’s evil intentions. Sister! The more Satan attacks us, the more we should view things according to God’s word and see through Satan’s schemes. Moreover, we should pray to God more and believe that God will surely lead us to overcome Satan’s temptations.” The sister also sent me some written testimonies of the brothers and sisters. I read a sister’s article, which says, “After she believed in Almighty God, her husband prevented her from believing in God and also hid her books because of being influenced by some online negative propaganda. Faced with her husband’s rude expression, she began to feel negative inside. Later, by praying to God and relying on God, she realized in God’s word that it was a spiritual war, succeeded in seeing through Satan’s schemes, and thus made a resolution that no matter how her families opposed, she would keep her faith. When the sister stood firm and bore witness for God, Satan retreated in humiliation. Her family no longer opposed her belief in God.” In the article I saw a passage of God’s word: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a bet with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men, and the interference of men. Behind every step that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle. … When God and Satan do battle in the spiritual realm, how should you satisfy God, and how should you stand firm in your testimony to Him? You should know that everything that happens to you is a great trial and the time when God needs you to bear testimony” (“Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Thanked God! Through this passage of God’s word and the sister’s experience, I saw the light. I understood it was a spiritual fight that my son and my family hindered me from believing in God. Because Satan knew that emotion was my weakness, it made use of my son who depended on me and my sister to resist my belief in God. I failed to see through the dynamics of the spiritual world, so I felt negative and weak, and couldn’t stand witness to satisfy God in Satan’s temptations. Actually, when Satan’s interference arrived, it carried God’s permission; God wanted to test my faith and let me learn to rely on God, look up to God in this situation, and finally be able to live by God’s word and stand testimony for God. As I understood these, I felt relief. Thus, I quieted myself and prayed to God: “O God! I understand too little of the truth, so I feel a little weak in my heart facing my son’s opposition. However, I’m willing to satisfy You and stand witness to You. I wish You to guide me and give me faith and wisdom!”
In the afternoon my son called and asked me what time I would come back. Hearing my son’s impatient tone on the other end of the phone line, I couldn’t help but feel concerned: How would my son and my daughter-in-law deal with my faith in God after I returned home? Might it be a fierce argument again? I recalled again what the brothers and sisters communed with me in previous meetings: When I found myself in certain situations, I should learn to face it calmly; as long as I came before God, relied on Him, and looked up to Him, God then would surely give me wisdom and power. Hence, I silently prayed to God in my heart as I walked. After praying, I thought of a passage of God’s word: “You shouldn’t be afraid of this and that. No matter how many difficulties and dangers you face, you shall remain steady before Me; do not be obstructed by anything…. You must have My courage within you and you must have principles when facing relatives who do not believe. But for My sake, you must also not yield to any of the dark forces. Rely on My wisdom to walk the perfect way; do not allow the conspiracies of Satan to take hold. Put all your efforts into placing your heart before Me and I shall comfort you and give you peace and happiness in your heart”. The enlightenment and guidance of God’s word instantly gave me faith and power. Yeah! All things and events are in God’s hands, so are my son and my daughter-in-law. What God wanted to see was whether or not I had a strong desire for God in this situation and whether or not I could stand on the side of God when facing the barriers and disturbance from my families. Consequently, I made a resolution: Anything can be discussed but in the matter of faith in God, I never give in to them. No matter how they prevent me, I will satisfy God and bear testimony for Him.
When I arrived back home, my son and my daughter-in-law were waiting for me there. In a short while, my son dragged me to his room and said to me seriously: “Mom! We have to talk it over today.” Before I could say a word, he continued saying: “Mom! Do you know there’s some stuff online that Christ you believe in is a female?” At my son’s words, I silently prayed to God inside and sought His guidance. After praying to God, I said to my son: “God is of the Spirit and does not have a gender. It’s only because of the need of His work that He has incarnated as a male or a female. Regardless of what kind of flesh He takes on, His essence is still God’s spirit. Genesis 1:27 says, ‘So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.’ This piece of scripture says that God created both man and woman in His image, which indicates both man and woman have the image of God, so we shouldn’t define that God is a male. In fact, God is not only the God of men but also the God of women. In the Age of Grace God became flesh as a male, but if God incarnates once again as a male, then it is very easy for people to define that God is male and is the God of men. Then, will we not define God? In this stage of God’s work, He has incarnated once again as a female and it contains God’s wisdom. As a created being, how can we see through God’s work? If we define God at will, does it not prove that we are too arrogant?” After hearing my words, he was unable to refute, but still threatened me, saying: “Mom! If you insist on believing in Almighty God, I’ll tell my grandmother and the brothers and sisters of our church that you have believed in Almighty God.” I continued talking to him: “Son! We all know that the Lord will return in the last days. Almighty God is indeed the returned Lord Jesus. By accepting God’s work of the last days, I’m following the footsteps of the Lamb. Why will you prevent me from following God.”
He hurried to take out the Bible, opened it, and then handed it to me, saying: “You may look at what the Bible says about this. ‘Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken: And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory’ (Matthew 24:29–30). When the Lord returns, He will show these visions to people. But, these words aren’t still realized, then how can you say that the Lord has returned?” I talked to my son calmly: “Son! When you read the Bible, you can’t only read the literal meaning of the Bible. Generally, the prophecies are all cryptic; they are not the superficial meaning we understand. In regard to the way in which the Lord returns, we can’t only see the prophecies that the Lord will descend with the clouds and ignore the ones that He’ll come in secret. For example: ‘Behold, I come as a thief” (Revelation 16:15). “For as the lightning, that lightens out of the one part under heaven, shines to the other part under heaven; so shall also the Son of man be in his day. But first must he suffer many things, and be rejected of this generation’ (Luke 17:24–25). These prophecies mention that the Lord will come as a thief, that is to say, come as the Son of man. It indicates that when the Lord comes, He will secretly come as the Son of man apart from coming upon a cloud in public. If we define that there is only the way the Lord will descend with the clouds when He returns, then how will the prophecies that the Lord will come in secret be fulfilled? If the Lord comes upon a cloud with many great signs, such as the sun and the moon not giving their light, the stars falling from heaven, and the heavens being shaken, the scenes will be surely earth-shattering and we all can see and know them. Then, how can the prophecy that the Lord ‘comes as a thief’ be fulfilled? Additionally, how can the prophecy that ‘But first must he suffer many things, and be rejected of this generation’ be realized? As a matter of fact, there are many prophecies in the Bible mentioning that when the Lord returns in the last days He will carry out the work of judgment beginning from the house of God, and do the work of separating sheep from goats, tares from wheat, which is a work of separating all according to their kind. My son! Now think about it: If the Lord comes upon a cloud with power and great glory, then every eye shall see Him. Won’t all people drop to the ground? Who dares to resist? In that case, how will the work of separating sheep from goats be fulfilled? We shouldn’t define the way in which the Lord returns according to the two scriptures; otherwise it’s easy for us to miss the opportunity to welcome the Lord’s coming and to be forsaken by the Lord.”
At my words, my son’s tone became obviously gentle, but he still insisted on his own view, saying: “Mom! You’d better read the Bible carefully. Don’t believe in Almighty God, okay?” I said firmly: “Son! Almighty God is indeed the returned Lord Jesus. Now God has returned and no matter what happens, I will follow Him. Whatever you say avails nothing.” Hearing I said that, he showed a helpless expression, put the Bible in my hand, closed the door and left. At that moment I made a silent prayer to God inside. I knew it was the step-by-step guidance of God’s word that made me counter Satan’s fallacies and hold to the true path.
The next evening, my son came back from work and explicitly said to me: “Mom! No matter how I hinder you, you never give up believing in Almighty God. So, I no longer oppose you in the future.” Hearing his words, I offered God my gratitude and praise again. Indeed, I saw God’s deeds when I made a resolution to satisfy God. Now I no longer feel restrained by my family when attending meetings and reading God’s word. Thank God! It’s God’s guidance that has let me feel released and free. All the glory be to Almighty God!
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Are you a new parent? Here are your tips
When our first son was born, I was a musician, which meant that, apart from not making much money, I was home a lot during the day with my wife and baby. Sometimes, when I saw she was exhausted, I would try to help out by shooing her off to bed. “Don’t worry,” I’d say to Holly. “I’ll look after him. Get some rest.”
Inevitably, Riley would start fussing. I’d be working away to comfort him, and before long I would hear the thump, thump, thump of Holly running down the stairs as if the house were on fire. Although she never actually said these words, the urgency of her movement and her body language said, “What are you doing to my baby?!” It was as if she just had to know, at that millisecond, exactly what was going on and what she could do about it. Eventually we were able to joke about it, but at first I saw it as interference. I wanted the chance to learn to comfort Riley myself, and I needed the time and space to work it out. I wasn’t going to get anywhere if I got rescued whenever the going got tough.
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What I didn’t realize was that my wife’s behaviour was much more about her than it was about me. I didn’t understand the pressure she felt to become an instantly competent mom, nor her intense need to bring order to her drastically altered world, and that meant being able to calm her baby.
It might seem odd to begin an article about fathers and babies with a story about a father and mother. However, I think that’s where you have to start because, while a mother has a pretty direct line to her baby, a father’s connection goes through the mother and, in the beginning, the father-infant relationship can never totally exclude her. When a new dad wants to build his relationship with the baby (which we’ll get into later) he must remember that it develops within the context of the mother-baby relationship. If he doesn’t understand this, he may run into trouble.
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There was a time when we didn’t need to think about this. Gender roles were clearly divided and babies were seen by everyone as women’s territory. But now, fathers have invaded that territory. In our culture, most fathers want to be — and are expected to be—involved with their babies. That’s good, but we need to keep in mind that some of the realities from the past still hold true today.
Women are still socially and biologically programmed to be parents much more strongly than men are. Mothers expect to be “in charge” of babies and, in most families, they assume that role early on. When a father moves in to pick up the baby, he’s moving into her world. Therefore he needs to understand a little about that world.
The first thing to recognize is the intense nature of her relationship with her child. She’s in love, or at least falling in love. Clearly it’s not exactly the same as it is with a lover, but the emotional intensity and the obsession are similar. At times she acts as though the rest of the world is irrelevant. Observant fathers pick up on this and quickly get a sense that something of great significance is going on between their partner and the new baby. Often they are in awe of this relationship and will defer to mother and baby in order to keep from interfering with it. This is partly a good thing—the emerging mother-baby relationship needs to be supported, and fathers can play an important role by mothering the mother. (Somehow, “fathering the mother” doesn’t have quite the right ring to it.) But a father needs to develop his own connection, which means he needs to get at the baby. This is when he can become an “intruder” if he doesn’t watch his step, as my first experiences with Riley illustrated.
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These encounters taught me (although I didn’t fully understand it until later) that the relationship between my wife and our sons was palpably physical. The mind and body of a mother are intimately connected. When a nursing woman hears her baby cry, even if she’s in another room, it triggers the release of a hormone that lets down her milk and makes her breasts leak. That kind of physical response, combined with the strong emotional connection, means that most mothers respond to a baby’s distress more quickly and strongly than fathers. That’s what compelled Holly to take the baby from me sometimes. Even though she desperately needed rest, there was just no way for her to lie up there and relax while he was crying. If her baby was in distress, she was in distress.
It wasn’t really a question of who was right and who was wrong. Holly was right to respond to those cues. That was part of what helped her become a good mom. But, at the same time, I was right to want to learn to comfort Riley myself.
This dynamic plays out a little differently in each family, but I think it speaks to an incompatibility that a man must acknowledge and work around. It requires an adroit balance: He must patiently persist in establishing his own connection with his child, while at the same time supporting and respecting his partner’s relationship with the baby. It’s one step forward, one step back. The idea is to make the forward steps a little bigger.
Source: todaysparent.com/baby/newborn-care/a-rookie-dads-guide-to-newborns/
There simply aren’t words to describe the elation – or exhaustion – you will feel once you have left the hospital and are holding the baby you’ve been feeling move inside your belly. But how to you bathe the baby? Or feed it? Or know what to do with all that poo?
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For answers on exactly what is going on – and more importantly, what exactly is normal – read this:
The lowdown on newborn baby poo
Bet you never thought you’d be so obsessed with human poo before, right? All of a sudden, mothers need to know the colour, consistency and frequency of every poo – as if looking into a nappy will give us the answers to the universe. To be fair, it’s one way to make sure our baby is well fed and healthy. Seeing an off-putting bowel movement can send us into panic mode but here’s what you need to know about the poo:
If your baby is eating normally and doesn’t seem sick, changes in the colour (even green or grey) and consistency of the stool is most likely normal.
Expect 6 to 8 stools a day.
A newborn’s first stools (known as meconium) are a thick, sticky, tar-like substance, which will then transition into a grainy yellow or brown by day three or four.
Formula-fed babies tend to have a slightly formed, yellow or tan coloured stool, while breastfed babies often have a more liquid or creamy mustard-colored bowel movement.
If the stool is very frequent, watery and green looking, chances are the baby is having diarrhea.
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Worried that your little one is constipated because you haven’t seen a bowel movement lately?
Constipated stools will be pebble-sized and firm, sometimes with bloody streaks.
The frequency has nothing to do with constipation, as it does with adults.
It’s normal for babies to grunt and strain during a normal, healthy bowel movement. In fact, they can be downright vaudevillian during a poo.
All you need to know about newborn skin rashes and blotches
Your baby’s skin might be virginal and pure but don’t expect it to look perfect on a newborn. Here are just some of the blips and bumps likely to afflict your precious bundle:
Newborn acne is very common and, just like their future bouts as teenagers, is caused by hormones – your hormones, that is. Don’t worry; this is in no way an indication of future problems to come, and it should look better in the first few weeks. The best way to treat it is to do nothing – don’t pick, scrub or treat them.
Dry and peeling skin is simply the shedding of dead skin, and using lotions won’t speed up this process.
Nappy rash is largely preventable. Change your baby’s nappy as soon as possible after it’s soiled. Then after wiping the area clean, use a warm wet washcloth to clean the area and perhaps apply a barrier or rash cream. There’s not much more you can do. If disposable nappies are giving your baby a rash, try switching to cloth and vice versa.
Erythema Toxicum is a scary sounding name for a simple and short-lived skin condition: Blotchy red patches with pale centers. Before you know it, the marks will disappear on its own.
Birthmarks are another common skin imperfection that comes in all shapes and colors, and even the most alarming looking marks might fade with time. Check with your doctor if you have any concerns.
Caring for the umbilical cord
The umbilical cord will most likely fall off by itself in anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks, and you shouldn’t touch or pick the scab-like stump.
Wash the umbilical cord three to five times a day with plain water or rubbing alcohol, depending on your doctor’s instructions.
Discharge (which might contain a small amount of blood) is normal, but if oozing is accompanied with a foul odor, redness surrounding the cord, or fever, call your doctor immediately.
Penis care
Whether to circumcise a baby boy’s penis – which means removing the foreskin that surrounds the head of the penis – is personal, often rooted in religious or cultural norms. Parents should follow their gut and do what they feel is best for their child.
Circumcised penises
During the recovery period, dab petroleum jelly on the penis and cover in sterilized gauze with each diaper change until the site heals, usually in the first couple of days.
A little oozing and crusting is normal, as is soreness and a small amount of bleeding. Be gentle and let his body heal on its own.
If there is any unusual swelling, odor or excessive bleeding, call your doctor.
Avoid submerging the penis in water during this recovery period, which won’t be difficult considering his umbilical cord can’t get wet either.
Once the wound heals, simply wash the penis with soap and water.
Uncircumcised penises
There’s no special care needed for an uncircumcised penis beyond washing the outside with soap and water.
Until the foreskin is retractable (usually not until puberty), don’t try to clean under it.
Source: kidspot.co.nz/baby/ultimate-newborn-first-week-guide/
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Confidence in God Helped Me Stand Testimony When My Family Opposed My Belief
By Xiufen, Singapore
The editor’s word: On the path of believing in God, we often encounter different kinds of situations and barriers. Sometimes due to small faith, we’ll be timid and hang back, and don’t know how to cope with the difficulties ahead. When the author of this article faced her family opposing her belief in God, it was God’s word that guided her to see through Satan’s schemes and follow God unswervingly. The following article will tell you her true experience.
In July 2017, by chance I got to know that the Lord had returned to flesh, and that His name is Almighty God. He has expressed many words and carried out the work of judgment beginning from the house of God. On hearing the news, I was amazed as well as joyful. Through a period of investigation and reading Almighty God’s word, I felt God’s word is exactly the truth and carries authority and power. His word not only reveals my corrupt nature and judges my unrighteousness but also makes me see the truth of my corruption by Satan and know God’s righteous disposition. At the same time, God’s word shows me how to get rid of sins and attain salvation. I was sure that Almighty God is indeed the returned Lord Jesus and then joined The Church of Almighty God formally.
One day, when my son happened to find the APP of The Church of Almighty God installed on my smartphone, he changed his usual attitude toward me and furiously pushed open the door of my room, questioning me loudly: “Mom! Have you believed in Almighty God?” This was the first time my son had become enraged with me in years. At this moment I was at a loss, but I had to pretend to be calm, saying: “Yes.” He continued to say forcefully: “Do you know The Church of Almighty God?” As he spoke, he immediately turned on the smartphone and showed me the online negative propaganda. Seeing the online negative propaganda, I felt furious in my heart, and thought: In the last days, God becomes flesh and expresses words to save mankind, giving people light; however, the atheistic CCP government starts libelous rumors and condemns The Church of Almighty God in an attempt to deceive people into refusing God’s salvation. The CCP is truly evil! Therefore, I looked at my son and told him firmly: “The CCP starts these rumors in order to suppress The Church of Almighty God. The CCP is atheistic and it has been relentless in its persecution of religious faith and declared that the Bible is an evil cult book. It hates the truth and resists God the most, so how can we believe its words?” Before I finished my words, my son interrupted me, saying: “Mom! No matter what you say, I won’t let you believe in Almighty God.” At his words, I raised my voice as well and said angrily: “My belief in God is my own business.” Then we ended up parting on bad terms and he furiously hurried to his school.
For a while, my son constantly sent messages to me, which all were some online negative propaganda about The Church of Almighty God. Additionally, my son had told my sister about my accepting God’s work of the last days, and so she made a call to hinder me as well. Facing this situation, I lost my calm for a long time and thought: Since we came to Singapore many years ago, my son and I have come to depend on each other; my son was always well-behaved and obedient, and he has never quarreled or argued with me. However, today he lost his temper to me because of believing the rumors of the CCP government; will the relationship between me and my son break up? If he keeps opposing my belief in Almighty God, then how should I deal with it? Through investigating the word Almighty God has expressed, I’ve determined it is the true path; will I give it up due to my son’s opposition? With this mind, I felt very confused and had to keep on praying to God in my heart: “God! What should I do? I beg You to guide me.”
After praying, I phoned a sister and told her what had happened. The sister communed with me: “Regarding the matter you are faced with, outwardly it appears that your son is hindering you from believing in God. Actually, there is a spiritual war behind it. In order to stop us from coming before God and gaining God’s salvation, Satan makes use of the person, matter and object around us to disturb us. Satan’s aim is to make us betray God and return to its battle formations. This is Satan’s evil intentions. Sister! The more Satan attacks us, the more we should view things according to God’s word and see through Satan’s schemes. Moreover, we should pray to God more and believe that God will surely lead us to overcome Satan’s temptations.” The sister also sent me some written testimonies of the brothers and sisters. I read a sister’s article, which says, “After she believed in Almighty God, her husband prevented her from believing in God and also hid her books because of being influenced by some online negative propaganda. Faced with her husband’s rude expression, she began to feel negative inside. Later, by praying to God and relying on God, she realized in God’s word that it was a spiritual war, succeeded in seeing through Satan’s schemes, and thus made a resolution that no matter how her families opposed, she would keep her faith. When the sister stood firm and bore witness for God, Satan retreated in humiliation. Her family no longer opposed her belief in God.” In the article I saw a passage of God’s word: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a bet with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men, and the interference of men. Behind every step that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle. … When God and Satan do battle in the spiritual realm, how should you satisfy God, and how should you stand firm in your testimony to Him? You should know that everything that happens to you is a great trial and the time when God needs you to bear testimony” (“Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Thanked God! Through this passage of God’s word and the sister’s experience, I saw the light. I understood it was a spiritual fight that my son and my family hindered me from believing in God. Because Satan knew that emotion was my weakness, it made use of my son who depended on me and my sister to resist my belief in God. I failed to see through the dynamics of the spiritual world, so I felt negative and weak, and couldn’t stand witness to satisfy God in Satan’s temptations. Actually, when Satan’s interference arrived, it carried God’s permission; God wanted to test my faith and let me learn to rely on God, look up to God in this situation, and finally be able to live by God’s word and stand testimony for God. As I understood these, I felt relief. Thus, I quieted myself and prayed to God: “O God! I understand too little of the truth, so I feel a little weak in my heart facing my son’s opposition. However, I’m willing to satisfy You and stand witness to You. I wish You to guide me and give me faith and wisdom!”
In the afternoon my son called and asked me what time I would come back. Hearing my son’s impatient tone on the other end of the phone line, I couldn’t help but feel concerned: How would my son and my daughter-in-law deal with my faith in God after I returned home? Might it be a fierce argument again? I recalled again what the brothers and sisters communed with me in previous meetings: When I found myself in certain situations, I should learn to face it calmly; as long as I came before God, relied on Him, and looked up to Him, God then would surely give me wisdom and power. Hence, I silently prayed to God in my heart as I walked. After praying, I thought of a passage of God’s word: “You shouldn’t be afraid of this and that. No matter how many difficulties and dangers you face, you shall remain steady before Me; do not be obstructed by anything…. You must have My courage within you and you must have principles when facing relatives who do not believe. But for My sake, you must also not yield to any of the dark forces. Rely on My wisdom to walk the perfect way; do not allow the conspiracies of Satan to take hold. Put all your efforts into placing your heart before Me and I shall comfort you and give you peace and happiness in your heart”. The enlightenment and guidance of God’s word instantly gave me faith and power. Yeah! All things and events are in God’s hands, so are my son and my daughter-in-law. What God wanted to see was whether or not I had a strong desire for God in this situation and whether or not I could stand on the side of God when facing the barriers and disturbance from my families. Consequently, I made a resolution: Anything can be discussed but in the matter of faith in God, I never give in to them. No matter how they prevent me, I will satisfy God and bear testimony for Him.
When I arrived back home, my son and my daughter-in-law were waiting for me there. In a short while, my son dragged me to his room and said to me seriously: “Mom! We have to talk it over today.” Before I could say a word, he continued saying: “Mom! Do you know there’s some stuff online that Christ you believe in is a female?” At my son’s words, I silently prayed to God inside and sought His guidance. After praying to God, I said to my son: “God is of the Spirit and does not have a gender. It’s only because of the need of His work that He has incarnated as a male or a female. Regardless of what kind of flesh He takes on, His essence is still God’s spirit. Genesis 1:27 says, ‘So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.’ This piece of scripture says that God created both man and woman in His image, which indicates both man and woman have the image of God, so we shouldn’t define that God is a male. In fact, God is not only the God of men but also the God of women. In the Age of Grace God became flesh as a male, but if God incarnates once again as a male, then it is very easy for people to define that God is male and is the God of men. Then, will we not define God? In this stage of God’s work, He has incarnated once again as a female and it contains God’s wisdom. As a created being, how can we see through God’s work? If we define God at will, does it not prove that we are too arrogant?” After hearing my words, he was unable to refute, but still threatened me, saying: “Mom! If you insist on believing in Almighty God, I’ll tell my grandmother and the brothers and sisters of our church that you have believed in Almighty God.” I continued talking to him: “Son! We all know that the Lord will return in the last days. Almighty God is indeed the returned Lord Jesus. By accepting God’s work of the last days, I’m following the footsteps of the Lamb. Why will you prevent me from following God.”
He hurried to take out the Bible, opened it, and then handed it to me, saying: “You may look at what the Bible says about this. ‘Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken: And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory’ (Matthew 24:29–30). When the Lord returns, He will show these visions to people. But, these words aren’t still realized, then how can you say that the Lord has returned?” I talked to my son calmly: “Son! When you read the Bible, you can’t only read the literal meaning of the Bible. Generally, the prophecies are all cryptic; they are not the superficial meaning we understand. In regard to the way in which the Lord returns, we can’t only see the prophecies that the Lord will descend with the clouds and ignore the ones that He’ll come in secret. For example: ‘Behold, I come as a thief” (Revelation 16:15). “For as the lightning, that lightens out of the one part under heaven, shines to the other part under heaven; so shall also the Son of man be in his day. But first must he suffer many things, and be rejected of this generation’ (Luke 17:24–25). These prophecies mention that the Lord will come as a thief, that is to say, come as the Son of man. It indicates that when the Lord comes, He will secretly come as the Son of man apart from coming upon a cloud in public. If we define that there is only the way the Lord will descend with the clouds when He returns, then how will the prophecies that the Lord will come in secret be fulfilled? If the Lord comes upon a cloud with many great signs, such as the sun and the moon not giving their light, the stars falling from heaven, and the heavens being shaken, the scenes will be surely earth-shattering and we all can see and know them. Then, how can the prophecy that the Lord ‘comes as a thief’ be fulfilled? Additionally, how can the prophecy that ‘But first must he suffer many things, and be rejected of this generation’ be realized? As a matter of fact, there are many prophecies in the Bible mentioning that when the Lord returns in the last days He will carry out the work of judgment beginning from the house of God, and do the work of separating sheep from goats, tares from wheat, which is a work of separating all according to their kind. My son! Now think about it: If the Lord comes upon a cloud with power and great glory, then every eye shall see Him. Won’t all people drop to the ground? Who dares to resist? In that case, how will the work of separating sheep from goats be fulfilled? We shouldn’t define the way in which the Lord returns according to the two scriptures; otherwise it’s easy for us to miss the opportunity to welcome the Lord’s coming and to be forsaken by the Lord.”
At my words, my son’s tone became obviously gentle, but he still insisted on his own view, saying: “Mom! You’d better read the Bible carefully. Don’t believe in Almighty God, okay?” I said firmly: “Son! Almighty God is indeed the returned Lord Jesus. Now God has returned and no matter what happens, I will follow Him. Whatever you say avails nothing.” Hearing I said that, he showed a helpless expression, put the Bible in my hand, closed the door and left. At that moment I made a silent prayer to God inside. I knew it was the step-by-step guidance of God’s word that made me counter Satan’s fallacies and hold to the true path.
The next evening, my son came back from work and explicitly said to me: “Mom! No matter how I hinder you, you never give up believing in Almighty God. So, I no longer oppose you in the future.” Hearing his words, I offered God my gratitude and praise again. Indeed, I saw God’s deeds when I made a resolution to satisfy God. Now I no longer feel restrained by my family when attending meetings and reading God’s word. Thank God! It’s God’s guidance that has let me feel released and free. All the glory be to Almighty God!
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What to do when your ex starts dating someone new
Things We All Do When Our Ex Starts Dating Someone New
You have to make a real, substantial meaningful difference in the dynamic between the two of you if you are going to actually demonstrate to your ex and show them that they are not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place. She had normal friends who were easy to be around. And if you would have wanted to know, think about how you would have wanted to be approached about this topic. You also don't want the new person getting suspicious of you, so you just act like another person your ex knows even though this won't work because the new person has probably stalked you to death and knows everything about you anyway -- but that's another story. Is it because their new love is true and it means something more than yours did? Some people simply get over their exes in a shorter span of time than others. Maybe you moved on, but an unexpected wave of nausea still washed over you when you saw your ex tagged in a photo with that new person on Facebook, which made you feel betrayed.
What To Do If You're In A Relationship & Still Thinking About Your Ex
Letting go is a process, and it may take you some time and effort to get there. You saw that the happy new couple is always at this pub near your place. You did not cause the abuse; your abuser is the one who caused it. This is why I can no longer give specific advice in the comments. We offer one on one Private Coaching Sessions for individuals who are interested in speeding up the process of breakup recovery and get back together with the person they love quickly by letting our experts guide you personally: 1-On-1 Private Coaching Sessions: It would truly be our pleasure to help you be and with the one you love, as always keep fighting the good fight and I wish you all the very best. It may be that you and your partner decide that your feelings still mean you can be in a relationship.
Coping With When Your Ex Starts Dating First
I feel so stupid, weak, worthless. She probably played soccer in high school and had a mom who baked. Decide If You're Really Ready To Be In A Realtionship Andrew Zaeh for Bustle Finally, it's important to decide whether or not you're actually ready to be in this relationship. But that is not me, I mean who gives a crap that I am eating a sandwich or watching reruns of Golden Girls or drinking a beer at a pub. Like the fierce single woman you are.
Things We All Do When Our Ex Starts Dating Someone New
The fantasy must remain a fantasy. The perfect word to describe the harrowing feeling that resides in the pit of your stomach, when you realize that your ex is dating a woman who looks exactly like you. He or she hasn't fallen madly in love with someone new, and you haven't been 'replaced' in your ex's mind. He has no interest in anything but a booty call. My mouth hung in horror as I realized snarky little Lena was correct. If you have had the chance to lick your wounds, heal, learn and move on, you stand a better chance of happiness.
My ex is dating someone else what should I do?
Of course, everything that follows is subject to change based on the relationship you and your ex had, when you broke up, why you broke up, etc. Anyway, I wanted to tell you thanks from the bottom of my heart! I was crushed, but I remember that: — I did things as healthy as I could — I shared who I was — I cut the cord — he was controlling, overtly, manipulative and frightened me at times I know that he is only continuing his painful cycle. Then, my mind starts to shift away from the completely different option and suddenly I start to compare the two similar things. Was it maybe really all my fault? When you've shared your life with someone, it can feel excruciating when you learn he's now enjoying his favorite sushi restaurant with another person. And because of this, do not believe that your ex only abused you. And that's what hurts the most.
Are You Jealous Of Your Ex Dating Someone Else?
You escaped the emotional and physical battering from your last relationship. What do you think is the worst part of finding out your ex is dating again? Here are six tips that will help you process those negative emotions. The time will come when you are happy again. If the issue is that you're still feeling hurt or angry at your ex and can't stop thinking about that, your partner may understand — or even have been through the same thing. Was he emotionally unavailable, then he met his unicorn? Someone please tell me how I can get over this feeling.
My ex is dating someone else what should I do?
Every time you experience a negative reaction to your ex dating, stop and go through the list of. And do you warn the new person, or do you stay out of it? Instead of visualizing this agonizing scenario, immediately distract yourself. One of the most difficult things to endure after a breakup is when your ex starts dating right away. During a breakup, when you made the decision to separate from someone, society expects you to always be fine. That means no texts, no calls, no emails, no activity on social media, no letters ha ha, does anyone write letters anymore? My friends and family said from the beginning he is a jerk, so talking with them about him is no option. Either way, your best bet is to be honest about how you're feeling. Started dating again, unfortunately, as my mother tells me, I am a bad picker.
Are You Jealous Of Your Ex Dating Someone Else?
Behind every smiling selfie exists a desperate need for validation. If they suddenly pop into your mind again, try not panic. Keep in mind that this person is not your direct competition. Yes — definitely look into the coaching. Conveniently, your 'no contact' phase will likely be ending around the same time, giving you an opportunity to reach out to your ex just as he or she is experiencing the heartache and loneliness that follow a breakup.
What To Do If You're In A Relationship & Still Thinking About Your Ex
So when your ex does stop dating Mr. Them finding someone new to date is just one of the risks. Thank you so much for your love, for reading and for your understanding. The link is at the top of the home page! This good looking, charming prince he was and now is with the new one. The new partner is not your enemy! How is that for weird, by the way? Or at least that you're not over the relationship. In theory, your sleuth skills might be enough to let you go unnoticed, if you do deign to check them out.
How it Feels When Your Abusive Ex Starts Dating Someone New
Stay with me… How might they have known me? Despite what you thought previously, your connection really could be replaced. But now, your ex has a new everything. Stop these thoughts immediately, and read this article carefully. There is no right answer as to whether you should warn the new partner about past abusive behavior and each situation is different. Because your ex never really had a chance to be alone and go through the post-breakup blues, he or she will have to face the reality of being single and alone once the rebound relationship comes to an end. He told me that the entire 2 years we were together he was always looking for something else but since he met her he has deleted his profile on dating sites and has stopped looking and wants a relationship with her.
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Instructional Dynamics
Fiona Farmer
Instructional Dynamics
Hannah Miller
Course Reflection
Instructional Dynamics consisted of two main experiences, my placement, and the weekly class. In my placement I was in a kindergarten class, at the Integrated Arts Academy. The classroom had 22 kids in it and was very diverse with a number of English language learners. This was a very unique experience in Vermont, and I feel incredibly thankful to have had it for my literacy practicum, as it really redefined how I thought about what it means to be literate. During our in class meetings we analyzed this question as well through a number of different reading assignments, paired with small group discussions. And work-shopped a lesson plan we taught in our placements.
In our class the first main reading was a book called “Reading, Writing, and Talk: Inclusive Teaching Strategies for Diverse Learners, K-2” By Souto-Manning, and Martell. This book helped me see the importance of opening my classroom to a variety of different cultures and languages. And how to best help English language learners in my classroom. I found this book incredibly relevant to my placement. We had two students from Vietnam, three students from Nepal, and two Somali-Bantu students. Many of them were still in the process of learning spoken English while also being expected to learn written English. They did not suffer from the same difficulties as other English speaking children, and I learned to use visuals and to use their literary strengths to help them reach the expectations. In the classroom the teacher often used American Sign Language to get the children more familiar with another form of communication for them to use. I would like to learn more sign language so I can implement that in my own classroom. I would like to learn basic skills in a lot of the more common languages, like Spanish, French, And Nepali.
The next portion of the class we really focused in on what it means to be critically literate. To me now this means your ability to think critically about the things you read, and learn through visual representation. To question the perspective of a writer, to change the plot of a story, and to use literacy as a political voice. One article that we read that sticks out in my mind was the story of Rosie and her book, “The Princess in Black”. This story had a character whose name, blacky, was unintentionally offensive, Rosie’s mom questioned whether or not to scrap the whole book, but intimately dame to use it as a teaching experience instead. They worked through the problem, and why it could be seen as offensive, and decided to change it. They scribbled it out in the book and replaced it with different names instead. Rosie started to see the literature, and media in her life has something to analyse and as something she could influence, and disagree with. I loved the idea of using that book to teach that she could change the narrative of a story, and correct things she didn’t think were right. I later had a student in my placement reading the princess in black and looked through the book myself, and thought about the value of teaching kids that they can change the narrative of a story and that they should use literacy as a tool of political strength and voice.
After considering the more mental and critical thinking aspect of literacy we listen to a long podcast about literacy and dyslexia. And this helped me think about literacy in terms of comprehension. When you are an adult you often take for granted the way you recognize letters, you know what the sounds are, you can sound out words you don’t know with these skills. This podcast made me realize how abstract writing really is. There is no reason that a letter makes the sound it makes, it is all just something we made up. And the realization that this wasn’t obvious changed the way I taught in the classroom. I worked harder to use the sound of words, and connect the sounds with the letters for children who were having trouble. And this wasn’t just relevant to students with dyslexia, but for the English language learners as well. A lot of the students in the class I worked in really struggled with this relationship between the letter and the sound, and I began to focus on strengthen their skills with problem.
I am so thankful for all the experiences I’ve had in the class and in my placement. I loved working in a classroom with diverse learners, and so many cultures. I’ve never worked with a group that young and learned so much that I didn’t expect to learn about literacy just by working with that age group. The kindergartners were working on their skills of emotional, social, and physical self regulation, communication, and how they connect with the world around them. I hadn’t realized this was an aspect of literacy, but it become even more clear that it was when we talked about discourses and the social rules that we use to know how to act and how to talk in different environments with different titles. Like how we would act at a piano recital versus a softball game. One example of this that stands out to me was when Ms.Susan, a class friend, brought in instruments for the children to play with. The entire first part of the visit was a big group discussion about the differences of how we use and hold instruments, versus how we use and hold our toys. The teacher explained them as a type of tool, and the children listened carefully and all talked together about how they should treat the instruments. and they did such a great job treating the instruments respectfully and using them the way they were meant to be used.
Overall I learned that literacy isn’t as simple as reading and writing, it is about how you are able to interact with the world you live in, though all forms of media, literature social interactions, etc. The ability to analyze a piece of writing, media story or social situation. Through literacy you are able to educate yourself and use your voice to make a difference in your daily life, which to me is the most important thing I learned from this entire experience. Through the lessons that Freire taught to the illiterate people of Brazil, this lesson is clear, literacy is your political voice and to use it you must understand the rules of the game, and how to rewrite a narrative that the world is pushing on you.
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Why Won���t TV Show People Who Aren���t Rich?
Why Won’t TV Show People Who Aren’t Rich?
It’s hard to find poor and working-class families on the small screen. Here’s why it matters.
By JOANNA WEISS
November 12, 2017
The Friday Cover
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This year marks the final season of what might be the most underappreciated sitcom on TV, ABC’s “The Middle.” It’s a single-camera show about an Indiana family—the title refers to its character’s Middle-American, middle-class existence—and unlike the edgy comedies and tear-jerker dramas that dominate awards time, its humor is unapologetically middlebrow. But “The Middle” is charming, appealing and funny, in no small part because it has another distinction: It’s one of a precious few shows on TV today that focuses, consistently and honestly, on economic anxiety.
If there were ever a time to double down on stories of the American middle-class struggle, this is it. We’re in the midst of a new Gilded Age, with soaring inequality and stagnant wages—the phenomena that helped make Donald Trump president. We’re also enjoying a golden age of TV, with more networks and platforms creating more scripted shows than ever. Plenty of smart, acclaimed series have tackled complex social themes with sophistication and sensitivity—think “The Wire” for the urban drug war, “Mad Men” for gender, “Atlanta,” “Black-ish” and “Insecure” for race, “Master of None” for the Muslim-American experience. Even “Game of Thrones” teaches real-world lessons about politics and power. At its best, television holds up a mirror to society and helps us better understand who we are. So the dearth of shows that focus on financial insecurity feels especially glaring.
That’s especially true given the power of the medium, with its intimacy and it’s leisurely, unfolding storylines, to re-shape perceptions of our culture. Socially conscious television producers have long used their scripts to powerful effect. Norman Lear explored America’s racial and social turmoil in “All in the Family,” which set up Archie Bunker, in his armchair throne, as a ‘70s-era avatar of the MAGA spirit. A few years later, Lear produced “Good Times,” the first sitcom that featured an African-American family. It was set in a Chicago housing project, and its theme song was a tart, ironic ode to economic struggle: “Temporary layoffs (Good Times!) Easy credit rip-offs (Good Times!)” In 1998, well before gay marriage became the norm, “Will and Grace” used comedy to pave the way for acceptance.
But Will and Grace were a corporate lawyer and an interior decorator, highlighting this dissonance: Often, on TV, social issues get a full exploration while economic issues are brushed aside. For every Al Bundy selling shoes or Roseanne Conner on a factory line, there have been dozens of shows that peddle material aspiration and the pleasures of real estate porn. This is the cultural soup we grow up in: As a kid in the ‘80s, I spent too many evenings glued to “Diff’rent Strokes,” the cross-racial adoption fantasy that plunked two boys from Harlem on Park Avenue, and “Silver Spoons,” about a father and son who traversed their family mansion on a life-sized toy train. Little had changed by the aughts, when my daughter was binge-watching Disney Channel sitcoms set in penthouses and on yachts—along with a show called “Good Luck, Charlie,” about an exterminator, a nurse and their family, who lived in Denver in a house that seemed only a wee bit smaller than Buckingham Palace.
Compare that to the Heck family home in “The Middle:” a small, cluttered ranch with an overflowing junk drawer and a kitchen stocked with expired food from a store called the Frugal Hoosier. The husband, Mike, is a supervisor at a quarry. The wife, Frankie, works as a dental assistant; in earlier seasons, she sold cars, with limited success. Their kids exemplify the pressures and triumphs of middle class childhood: the academically-underachieving football star; the striving, gawky daughter who will never make the cheerleading squad; the bookworm who occupies a definitive place on the spectrum. Even when the show flirted with upward mobility—Mike and his brother launched a line of sports-themed diapers, giving babies the chance to poop on a rival team’s logo—the dream didn’t last. Before long, Mike sold his stake in the company to pay for his daughter’s state college tuition. The show is never overtly political, but its star, Patricia Heaton—one of the few outspoken conservatives in Hollywood—has said she’s disappointed that the show won’t be able to explore the economic dynamics of Trump’s America.
She’s right that it’s a missed opportunity: A year after Trump’s election, elites are still struggling to understand the class tensions and coastal-vs.-heartland dynamics that shook up the political landscape. By the numbers, the American imbalance is stark: According to the Economic Policy Institute, the hourly wages of high-wage workers rose 41 percent in the 34-year period between 1979 and 2013; the hourly wages of middle-wage workers grew 6 percent in that time frame, and the wages of low-wage workers fell 5 percent. J.D. Vance’s’s career-making 2016 book, “Hillbilly Elegy,” explores the cultural and social consequences of that stagnation and decline, and spends a good amount of time exploring sociological research. Perhaps the coastal, Ivy League set wouldn’t need these kinds of families explained to them through an academic lens if our culture were more interested in their stories.
Of course, there are exceptions, and calculated reasons why some shows bless their characters with material wealth. The absence of economic worry—particularly when it upends stereotypes—can send a powerful message, too. A few years after “Good Times” aired, in the midst of Reagan-era messages about welfare queens, “The Cosby Show” gave us the palatial living room in the Huxtables’ Brooklyn Heights brownstone. Now, ABC’s “Black-ish” explores both poles of economic life with the story of Dre, an ad executive from the ‘hood who now struggles to impart his boyhood identity to his economically privileged kids. One 2015 episode, powered by a product-placement deal, focused on Dre’s desire to give his daughter a Buick Enclave. On the other hand, the show is as woke as they come—the current season launched with a dreamlike, “Hamilton”-esque telling of the history slavery and emancipation. (Plus, as proof of concept, Trump once tweeted that the title was racist.)
But for many series, material comfort isn’t essential to the characters’ lives; it’s incidental. Yes, Showtime’s “Shameless” romanticizes the Gallaghers’on-the-edge existence, and CBS’s “Mom” gets the set design exactly right. But like the twentysomething characters in “Friends,” who rented suspiciously spacious New York real estate on entry-level salaries, many television denizens enjoy interiors straight out of Houzz, regardless of their presumed income levels. In “Kevin Can Wait,” Kevin James’ retired Long Island cop has a beautiful kitchen. OK. But how many shows could, presumably, tell the same stories regardless of their characters’ economic status? Would ABC’s “Modern Family” play any differently without the conspicuous consumption? Could Amazon Prime’s “Transparent” be told without the glorious real estate? Could it even be told better?
And why doesn’t television better reflect our reality? It could be that TV producers and executives live in an affluent Hollywood bubble of their own, with the same narrow pool of kitchen contractors and narrow expectations for how the world actually looks. Or it could be that they imagine that economic stress would add an undue layer of complexity to high-concept stories about Other Things. Maybe they think no viewers want to wallow in a subject so prosaic and depressing. “The Middle,” beloved by some critics, never broke through to be an unqualified hit.
But as a viewer, there’s something deeply fulfilling about watching someone who’s going through struggles that are common and lifelike—maybe a little bit worse than lifelike, because this is TV, after all. “The Office” resonated because of the characters and relationships, but also because its Scranton office setting perfectly captured the claustrophobia of four workplace walls, and the cameraderie that necessarily forms among the cubicles. Greg Daniels,’ who created the American version of the series, also helmed the white-working-class cartoon “King of the Hill,” and has said he sent writers out to Texas with reporters’ notebooks to capture real stories and observations. The work paid off: The show was praised for fostering the kind of cross-cultural, cross-political understanding that’s increasingly hard to come by today.
That’s what “The Middle” offered since 2009, before its cancellation was announced last summer. The stories are sometimes extreme, but they’re still a glimpse of a reality that’s all too understood. Entire episodes are built around the ripple effects of not paying the cable bill, or the shock of realization when a daughter accidentally glimpses her father’s paycheck. The fact that the struggle is depicted on TV is, in some way, a sign of respect — particularly because each new economic crisis depicted, not as some cataclysmic event, but as a constant fact of life. Nothing is resolved so much as managed, with the knowledge that, whatever happens, family is paramount, the Hecks will stick together, and life will go on. That might be the kind of pat construct you find in a half-hour TV script, but it’s also the way the world works. It’s nice to see it on TV.
Joanna Weiss is a writer based in Boston and a former television critic for the Boston Globe.
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November 12, 2017 at 12:27PM
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