#but I still deserve to help myself - especially when it’s extra hard to do so.

[her-satanic-wiles]

October 1st

Pegging, Papa Emeritus IV x Reader

Masterlist

Words: 2.2k.

Warnings: Pegging; established relationship; praise kink; anal fingering (m receiving); anal sex (m receiving); fellatio; use of sex toys; sub!Copia; soft dom!Reader (but you’re still a little mean to him); gender neutral!reader (but reader does have a vulva); mild humiliation kink; hella fluffy because Copia deserves the world; premature ejaculation; overstimulation; tears; happy ending.

🔞 MDNI 🔞

It didn’t take much to get him all worked up. Depending on the kind of day he’d had, it could just even be a look that got Copia ready and waiting for you to do whatever you wanted. He was an easy mother fucker, especially for the right mother - or rather - person.

Which is how he ended up spread-eagle on his bed, one of his pillows in his mouth as your fingers went deep inside his tight hole. His cock was rock hard and bounced a little every time you touched a sensitive spot and made his hips buck. Although his eyes remained tightly closed and that was something you couldn’t abide by. Not only was he keeping his desperate whimpers to a minimum, he refused to let you see the needy look on his face. You tutted and removed your fingers from him.

Immediately, his lids opened in terror and his gaze snapped to you. “No! Per favore! Don’t stop, ti scongiuro!” In his need, he sat up and began peppering kisses all over your face. “Amore mio, per favore non fermarti. I need more, please.”

“But your eyes were closed, baby.” You responded, your tone somewhat condescending especially for a man twice your age. “You were quiet. I didn’t think you were enjoying it.”

His kisses became more ferocious but his hands were clinging onto your neck. “Non è vero! It’s not true. I love it. Ti amo. Please, dolcezza. Please give me more.” This was so far from the Papa you’d grown to know - this was exactly how the Cardinal acted. Touch starved and desperate. Yet here was the head of the Satanic Church fumbling his words and begging for release.

He sounded like he was on the verge of tears. While he was still sat up a little, you moved your hand sneakily towards his hole and began rubbing over it once more. This earned you a loud yet surprised moan. With a little extra lube, you slid a third finger in and felt one of his hands clasp your forearm. He wasn’t whimpering as much, but he was breathing heavily, as though he were trying to stave off an impending orgasm.

Taunting your Papa was the most fun thing to do, especially when he was all spread out in front of you at your complete and total mercy. He didn’t expect anything from you, especially when you were knuckle deep inside of him. So when you leaned forward and ran your tongue up his cock from base to tip, he screamed and bucked again. “Merda.” He whined. “What are you try-trying to do to your Papa? Do you want to kill me, dolcezza?”

You chuckled a small, evil laugh before responding. “Of course not, Papa. But when you look so deliciously tempting, I can’t help myself.” Finding that spot inside of him now that you had three fingers working at him was easy. Combine that with what your mouth was doing and he was convinced he was going to have a heart attack. Your mouth, now quiet had taken the entire head of his cock into your mouth, and was gently sucking on it.

“Amore mio, if you keep doing this Papa will not last.”

You removed your lips from him and looked up at him through your eyelashes. “You don’t want to cum?”

“I do!”

“In my mouth?”

He shook his head so you stopped moving your fingers. “NO!” He replied when he realised what you were doing. You continued your ministrations, rewarding him for his words.

“On my fingers?”

“No, dolcezza, please.”

“Well, where would you like to cum, Papa?” Calling him Papa while he was submitting to you felt criminal. Papa was for the strongest of leaders, Papa was for the leaders who bent others into submission. Papa wasn’t for the shy, clumsy and awkward men who willingly spread themselves for their partners. But here yours was - ready, willing, waiting, and humiliated beyond satisfaction.

“Non farmi dire questo.” His hands now were covering his face in embarrassment.

“I can’t make you feel good if you don’t tell me where you want to cum.”

He muffled something only his hands caught. So you gently prized them apart gently with your free hand to see his bright red face, and his bottom lip stuck between his teeth. “Tell me, my love. Where do you want to cum?”

He took in a deep breath. “On your cock!” He exclaimed quickly.

“Good boy.” Your praise affected him more than he would like to say, but his hole clenched around your fingers as it registered in his brain. “Do you think you’re ready for it?”

“Sì.”

You kissed his lips softly before pulling your fingers out of him. He whined into your mouth at the lost of you, and as you tried to break the kiss he kept following you. He was clingier than usual. “I won’t go far, precious. I promise.” You said when your lips were finally free.

He chased you to the edge of the bed and watched you strap yourself into the harness. His hands were aching to get hold of you again, but knew he needed to be patient for you. You went to the bedside drawer and pulled out one of the dildos you’d both selected online months prior, and his eyes were completely fixated on it as you attached it to the harness. It wasn’t overwhelmingly big, but big enough that it would stretch him out more than your fingers would.

Knowing how clingy he was feeling, you went straight back to him and immediately wrapped him in your arms, his head falling on your chest. His hands gripped your waist tightly as he took in your scent. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” He said.

“Do you think you can lube it up for me?” He nodded and leaned across to the bedside table to grab the lube and poured some onto the toy. “Make sure you get it nice and wet for me, yeah?”

He nodded again. Both of you were transfixed by his hand touching the dildo, wrapping around it and spreading the lube up and down as though he were stroking a real cock. You were both silent as you listened to the squelching of the liquid in between his hands as he rubbed, losing his mind to the thought of it finally entering him. As soon as he thought it was ready, he nodded and lay back eagerly. His legs spread once again, and you watched him deposit the leftover lubricant into his waiting and stretched hole. You waited until his hand was removed before you climbed over him.

You kissed his sensitive neck, and travelled all the way up to his mouth, where you gave him a deep and gentle kiss - another touch that made him whimper. He bucked up one final time, and groaned at the feeling of his cock rubbing against yours.

“I’m ready, amore mio. Per favore. I need it.”

You lined yourself up with his waiting hole. “Tell me when you need to stop, okay?”

“Okay.”

As you breached his walls, his mouth fell open in an ‘o’ shape, his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised. You were slow with your movements, almost maddeningly so, and his hands flew to your biceps and gripped tightly. “Oh shit!” he exclaimed, a lot more loudly than he intended.

You stopped. “Are you okay?”

He could barely breathe. “It feels incredible.” He propped himself up enough to reach your cheeks and began kissing you again. “More. More, please.”

You obliged and continued to push into him until the dildo was all the way inside him. He kept kissing you as you paused, waiting for him to get accustomed to the feeling. He, on the other hand, had different ideas. As he was kissing you, he also began to slowly rock up and down, feeling your cock move inside of him. “I take it you want me to move, hm?”

“Please!” He begged.

And so, you did. Gently at first so you didn’t hurt him, but as his moans became louder, you understood he was ready for a bit more handling. So, your thrusts got faster and faster.

Until you watched him spasm beneath you, his breath knocked out of him and his mouth wide open. You looked between you to where you were connected, and watched as the remains of his seed spilled out of him. Much faster than both of you had hoped, but he was so worked up you were surprised he lasted that long.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated that over and over again, tears forming in his eyes from his overwhelming emotions.

You were still inside him. “Can you give me one more, Copia?”

He seemed shocked at the sudden use of his name. He thought for a moment, then nodded.

“Words, please.”

“Yes, amore mio. I can give you one more.”

“Good boy.”

He keened at your praise but hissed when you pulled out. You were gentle, tentative, but you wanted to wreck him a little more. So, when you were sure he could take it, you didn’t hold back.

His grip on your arm returned but this time much harder, fingernails digging in and holding on for dear life. Your thrusts were almost brutal, but you knew he was living for it. Each one punctuated with his sounds - whether they were outright overstimulated screams, chokes, or even the sound of his hole sucking the toy back in. He was practically singing. Your moans would occasionally join the cacophony of sounds, not because you were feeling particularly good, but because you knew he appreciated them.

You stopped once more to pull out and hear his groans of disappointment. “I want you to ride me,” you told him, “let me see you take my cock.”

Copia gulped but nodded. He had never allowed himself to be so exposed before, and he certainly had never been the top in this position. He felt himself getting shy again, and if it wasn’t you he wouldn’t even attempt it. With a hiss, he climbed onto you and lowered himself down. His cock was red and angry, and dried cum stained his stomach from his first orgasm and had been forgotten about until just then. He looked positively sinful, sweaty and blushing red.

In order to help him find a rhythm, you held onto his hands and pinned your elbows to the bed, giving him the leverage he needed to work his hips over the dildo, expletives in Italian being mumbled in between his whimpers. Once he found a rhythm and forgot how exposed he was, he let your hands go and began bouncing on his own, using you to get himself off. Your hands were now free, and one clutched onto his bouncing cock and begin to stroke it.

“Tell me how you feel, Papa.”

“Si se-sente bene.”

“Bene?” Your voice was back to condescending. “Only bene? Poor Papa, struggling to pull a decent sentence together.”

“I-”

“You’re so tight and desperate for cock, aren’t you, Papa?” He nodded emphatically. “Do you feel good riding me like this? Taking me for your own pleasure?”

“Dolcezza, per favore!”

“What, Papa? What do you want?”

“I need more.”

“More what?”

“Y-your hand… please.” You stopped stroking his cock. “No! You can’t do this - your - Your hand, stroke my cock, please!” Your hand gripped him again. “Tighter, please.” You obliged now that he was using his words. “Merda! F-feels good. So good. I can’t stop.” He was riding you harder now, his own words egging him on and sending him closer and closer to the edge.

“Do you want to cum, Papa?”

“Sì.”

“Cum for me, Papa. Cum all over me.”

Sure enough, his second orgasm spilled from him. His hips twitched erratically as he covered you in his seed, gasping for air as though he was suffocating. He couldn’t make any noise even if he wanted to - he couldn’t even hear you talking him through it. All he could feel was your tight hand wrapped around his sensitivity and still pumping him until he was completely spent. Not to mention the dildo still in his hole, keeping still while he wiggled and providing him with aftershocks that could bring his sanity crumbling down. He collapsed onto you, completely unable to move himself, and it fell upon you to make him come back to reality.

You stroked his hair and kept talking him through it, waiting until his ears stopped ringing enough to listen to your instructions. Eventually, he came to, and lay on his side after he’d painfully dragged himself off of you and waited for you to remove the harness and come back.

His eyes were closed from exhaustion and he jumped in surprise when he felt your hand on his thigh. “I’m sorry, I have to clean you up.”

“Va bene. Grazie, amore mio.” His voice was weak, but there was a lazy smile on his face.

As soon as you were finished, you came back to bed and wrapped him in your arms. “You were so good for me, Copia.”

He moved his head level to you. “You’re always good to me.”

Previous Day ⛧ Next Day

#mel writes #the band ghost #ghost bc #ghost #ghost band #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia #copia #ghost the band #ghost fanfiction #copia x reader #papa emeritus x reader #papa emeritus iv x reader #kinktober 2023

[1d1195]

Tulips Extra I

You can read Tulips here. I wouldn't read this if you're having a good day, lol. The original was therapeutic for myself so it's a little on the sad side for sure. It was good timing since I've not been feeling very positive lately.

Anyway, it's probably very angsty with a bit of fluff.

Thank you for reading my diary 😉

~4.7k words

Highly recommend listening to: Lung (Vines version) by Vines & Adrianne Munden-Dixon while reading.

“Shh,” he shook his head. “I got it,” he tilted his head at her. His voice was so sure. Like he was telling her the sun would come up tomorrow.

She supposed it would.

If she looked in the mirror, she would see a lot of growth. It had been six months since Harry moved in and she was more open, more communicative, and delegated more. Harry was perfect. Probably too perfect. It was almost unfair and if she thought about it too long, she worried a little too much about the ramifications of her own inadequacy.

Harry never let her feel that way. When she made dinner, he nearly threw a parade. If she was at Target and saw something she thought Harry would like and bought it, he thanked her for hours. It was a little overwhelming sometimes to be praised so highly. In previous relationships, she thought about the fanfare she would get from doing those kinds of things but after years of never getting it, she assumed it wasn’t in the cards for her.

But she hadn’t met Harry. He never let her feel that way. Everything she did was thanked with the utmost gratitude. It was unnerving sometimes that he adored her exactly how she imagined love was supposed to be. There were days, weeks, years, when she thought she wasn’t worthy of the love she dreamed about. Harry came along as if all that time feeling sad never existed. He praised her for things that didn’t need it, but it made her smile.

“M'a lucky guy, kitten,” he kissed her on the forehead while they watched TV. She had brought over a cup of hot water. Harry always had a cup in the middle of the afternoon. It was good for his throat, which was prone to colds and good for his vocal cords when he spent so much of his job talking to other people.

*

There were still hard days for her. Days when her mind ran wild and told her that she wasn’t good enough for Harry. That if she didn’t do everything perfectly or if she forgot something at the grocery story, she didn’t deserve to have Harry in her life any longer. Those years of not being good enough, or rather not feeling good enough, were hard to stamp out of her mind. Harry did a wonderful job getting most of it to disappear. But a bad day was a bad day; and it was hard to predict that. Hard to know when her mind would play a trick on her.

Work was okay except everyone was on edge close to the holiday. The end of the year was always a tricky time. Things needed to be wrapped up financially and socially. Honestly, she was probably the calmest one at work, but she was kind. Helping others with their workload because hers didn’t entail the same types of problems that everyone else was facing. But it did require a lot of her mental load. The satisfaction she felt from helping others was really good for her emotional well-being, but it came at a pretty significant cost: she had a really hard time saying no—especially when she needed to say no.

This led her to carrying several grocery bags into her apartment with Harry. She didn’t want to take two trips. Except she was struggling. Two trips would have been better. Or calling Harry when she got to the parking lot would have helped. He wouldn’t have minded either. He probably didn’t know she was grocery shopping after work, or he would have offered to go with her.

But unfortunately, they had gotten into a bit of a... disagreement the night before. Which only added to her stress emotionally. It was a well-based disagreement. Harry worried she was doing too much for her coworkers and thought (in the kindest way possible) that she should set some boundaries where she felt comfortable helping but still able to get her own stuff done.

In her head she did something wrong. Harry was so kind. Extremely understanding of all the boundaries that she failed to set in her work life and with her family. He knew it wasn’t easy for her. But it was hard for him to watch the person he loved struggle to feel okay with anxiety and stress plaguing most of her thoughts over things she didn’t necessarily need to worry about.

She was almost at the door. Her arm was sore from holding the bags up for so long. The circulation in her hand was disappearing from the bags that had slid down. Why she didn’t just set the bags down at the end of the hall will always make her wonder. But instead, of course, the bag ripped open. The one stupid paper bag she had to get from the store to fit everything. Of course, it had eggs in it. While trying catch it, she dropped the gallon of milk she had in her other hand that naturally exploded onto the floor with the eggs. She gasped and looked at the mess she created in the hall. Fortunately, her neighbors weren’t affected. She was so close to her own door the only one impacted would be herself or Harry.

“—her location says she should be home—oh,” Harry stuck his head out from the door. He heard a loud thud from inside the apartment. Paired with his missing girlfriend, he worried she had hurt herself or something coming up the stairs. Harry watched her for a moment, a frown settling onto his lips at the sight. Her shoulders shaking, her lip wobbling while tears filled her eyes. “Love, m’gonna have her call y’back. She jus’ got home. Think she had a tough day,” he murmured. “S’okay. I’ll take care of it. She’ll call y’back,” he promised. “Okay, bye,” he slid his phone into his pocket. Her gaze didn’t move from the mess on the floor, but she could sense Harry approaching her. Like an injured animal in the wild.

“Was that my sister?” She whispered.

He nodded, but she wasn’t looking. “S’nothing serious,” he promised.

“I think she needed help with her assignment or something. I was supposed to call her when I got home so I could read—”

“Love,” he stepped directly into the mixture of eggs and milk and put his hands on her shoulders. “S’not important right now,” his voice was so gentle. Almost too gentle. “Let’s go inside,” he tugged her gently toward the door. “M’gonna clean this up,” he offered easily.

She looked up at him, her eyes so blurred with tears that his expression was hard to make out. The only good thing her tears did was magnify her perception of Harry’s pretty eyes. They actually looked like emeralds and made her heart flutter despite how sad she was. “You don’t have to,” her voice cracked. “I dropped everything. I should clean it—” the tears fell from her eyes in slow motion. It was like she was watching one of those movies where the girl tries to keep working even though she just found out the love of her life died and she was basically ignoring it. She hated those scenes. They hurt so much. She swiped her hand across her face. “I just need to grab—”

“Kitten,” Harry stilled her movements as she tried to push away from him. “Angel,” he whispered softly. “Please stop.”

“No, I’m okay,” she promised, the saddest smile falling across her lips. Harry looked at her with so much worry and he shook his head.

“No, kitten. You’re not,” his voice was low and he cupped the side of her neck and held her in place. “What happened?”

“Nothing! It’s nothing,” but the words were choked and only half-uttered by the mixture of tears and her throat closing around the sound trying to force its way out of her vocal cords. “I’m fine.” It was like her body was trying to repel the words because she almost folded in half, she crouched and covered her eyes as she let the sobs take over for a second. She would be fine; she just needed a second to get some of the emotion out.

“Angel,” Harry crouched right beside her. “C’mon, kitten. S’not nothing,” he murmured.

She shook her head. No, things with Harry were fine. She wasn’t going to burden him with needless worries and all the anxiety that was coursing through her head. It was all in her head. Truly. It wasn’t something that he needed to—

Harry pulled her toward their door where milk and eggs hadn’t spread to yet. The remaining pile of groceries was mixed in the mess. She crouched by the door again, unable to stop the emotion long enough to make it past the entry way. Gently, Harry pulled her toward him and kissed the top of her head. He knelt beside her, hand cupping the back of her neck and the other gently rubbing up and down her arm. A neighbor peered into the hallway raised his eyebrows at the mess before turning to see Harry and the girl in their doorway. Harry shook his head so minutely he doubted she noticed. Fortunately, their neighbor saluted ever so slightly and retreated inside.

“I’m. Sorry,” she hiccupped.

He shook his head feeling so awful she was this distraught. This upset. He wished he had checked her location before her sister called to ask if she was ignoring her. Wish he had gone down to see where she was when he realized she was supposed to be home. “Shh,” he hushed. “S’nothing t’apologize for, kitten,” he promised quietly.

She continued sobbing and Harry wondered how on earth someone so beautiful, so kind, so utterly adoring could be so sad. It pained him to no end. Watching her breakdown like this felt like someone stabbed him right in the heart. He wanted to do whatever he had to do to make it stop. He knew she kept a lot of her emotions to herself. Years of bottling them up so as not to inconvenience others for simply existing.

“Kitten,” he whispered when her sobs subsided to sniffles. “Y’gotta talk t’me,” his voice was gentle but filled with worry. “M’sorry people let y’down. M’not one of them, though.”

“It’s hard,” her voice was so crackly and broken. Harry almost let it go because he wasn’t sure he could bear the weight of how sad she was.

“I know, baby, I know it is, but I love you so much. I want nothing but t’help you,” he hoped she heard how sincere he was. “I hate seeing y’like this. It hurts me, kitten,” he cupped her face and gazed into her eyes so hopefully she would understand how much he adored her and how much it hurt him. It wasn’t to minimize what she was feeling. It was to hopefully help her reach the conclusion that he was on her side, always. He would do whatever it took to make her smile.

“M’scared,” she whispered. “You’re just going to tell me that I’m being ridiculous—because I am, Harry. I am being ridiculous. I have you. You’re so perfect. You love me so much and you don’t care that I’m a little crazy and you don’t—”

“Kitten,” he frowned. “I would never tell y’that you’re being ridiculous. Please tell me y’don’t really believe that,” his heart felt even worse. How could she think that?

“Because,” she croaked. The seconds it took her to speak after felt like years. Harry waited so patiently, his heart pounding. “Because whenever I felt so overwhelmed,” she shook her head and looked down, despite Harry holding her face so she would have to look at him. She closed her eyes and sniffled.

“Tell me, angel.”

“I have never had someone,” she started again, squeezing her eyes tight. They felt red and swollen. She was certain she looked as terrible as she felt. “It was my own doing,” she whispered. “The reason I get so overwhelmed. When I complained even a little it was turned into something about how I did things wrong. I overwhelmed myself. It was just... in my head,” she whispered.

Harry wasn’t completely sure how he managed to stay upright. He swiped his thumbs below her red rimmed eyes. He thought she was beautiful even when she cried but it hurt him so much to see her like this. “S’not in your head, m’love,” it was hard to say the words without breaking out into cries himself. Seeing her hurt like this made him feel like the worst boyfriend in the world. “Love doesn't have t’be even, kitten. Being mad doesn't have t’be even. Being upset with something I do doesn't mean I have t’be upset with something you do. Y’can be annoyed with me, and I don't have t’bring up something m’annoyed by—which is nothing,” he assured her quickly because he could spot something he said creating a spiral easily. “But love, y’have t’tell me... talking has t’be done. I can't do this alone, kitten. I can't do this without you,” he explained as gently as he could.

“It’s not important,” she shook her head. Her voice cracked again.

Harry winced. “No, but it is, kitten. I can hear how important it is. I see it. I can feel it. Y’need t’tell me. I need you t’tell me everything y’feel. I can tell it hurts. All of it. I want t’fix it. I don’t want you t’hurt. M’not going anywhere. Ever.”

“But it’s… so bad to talk about... exes,” she whispered the last word like it was a curse—like she would be sent right to jail for it saying out loud.

Harry frowned. “Yeah, maybe if y’still in love with them. Do y’still love him?” It was rhetorical honestly. He knew she didn’t.

Her face paled immediately, her sad eyes filling with more tears. “Of course not!”

“I didn’t say it t’make y’mad, m’love,” His voice was gentle again. “I want you t’process this. I can’t have you all bottled up. I need t’know signs and feelings you’re having when y’don’t want t’share them. He messed with you so good,” he smiled without an ounce of humor behind it. It was the saddest smile she had ever seen on his face. He looked… so... disappointed. “M’usually good at figuring out what m’supposed t’do as a boyfriend. But y’stump me sometimes,” he admitted shyly. “It hurts me t’see you flustered and hurt without telling me why. I want t’be there for you. Always. In ways he never was because you—”

“He was always late,” she sobbed again. Harry pulled her to him immediately letting the tears pour out of her and he rocked her so gently. The words spilled out of her as fast as the tears did. “I swear he did it to piss me off and then he would say I was too controlling or neurotic. I was too planned out. He never got me flowers and my mom knew how much that bothered me. She knew he didn’t, even though I lied and said he did. I lied about flowers,” she felt so pathetic saying it out loud. “I lied about so many things he didn’t do because I was disappointed in myself. He didn’t see the point in romantic gestures. He didn’t think about how it kind of made me look like an idiot. I know that’s not the point of a romantic gesture, but I kept doing them for him and I—” the sobs choked her voice for a moment but Harry stayed silent. “I ignored all those red flags. All of them. Every single one of them. Why did I do that?” She cried; her voice sounded so tired. She looked so tired. Harry was quiet for a long time while more tears than he thought were possible fell across her cheeks.

“Because love is also red,” Harry whispered eventually. “Rose colored glasses are red… tulips, my sweet love,” he paused to kiss the top of her head, “are red.” It felt like hours she sobbed against him. The milk spread on the floor probably getting warm and souring the smell in the air and Harry just held her rocking ever so softly. “Thank you,” he said after way longer than anyone would have waited to speak. “For telling me that. I know that was hard. I promise I won’t be late. Ever,” he vowed. “Everything else between us? Might have t’be some compromises and more talking and we might argue. I might get mad, but it doesn’t mean it’s going t’end us, kitten. You have t’know that. M’here for the long haul... But late? On purpose? It won’t be me,” he promised easily. “Whether m’mad because I had a bad day at work or because of traffic, you’ll know the moment I know. M’not going t’miss a single time y’tell me. I will be there early.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He shook his head and kissed her temple, letting his lips drag along her skin for longer than he needed but it felt so soothing she nearly cried again. “S’nothing t’be sorry for,” he promised. “C’mon,” he stood, his knees aching from crouching for so long. He held his hand out to her and pulled her to stand beside him. He pushed her toward the sofa.

“What about—”

“Shh,” he promised. “S’fine,” he murmured pushing her to sit. Once seated, he pulled her shoes off, wrapped a blanket around her and kissed her forehead. He placed a book in her lap that she had started earlier in the week and hurried to the kitchen to bring her a bottle of water. “Stay here,” he kissed her forehead again, this time cupping her cheek at the same time and rubbing his thumb along her skin.

“But I—”

“Shh,” he shook his head. “I got it,” he tilted his head at her. His voice was so sure. Like he was telling her the sun would come up tomorrow.

She supposed it would.

*

As low as she got, she felt so much better, much quicker than she usually did. Harry was grateful for the change and was extremely mindful of things that caused her stress. He tried to read her mind as much as possible and was successful more often, which made him feel a lot better.

Talking was so much better. She had never felt so free. Harry knew her every thought. He didn’t belittle her emotions or make her feel like an inconvenience. Right before they fell asleep, she was snuggled close, her eyes watching Harry breathe evenly. The only light coming from a streetlamp outside their window. It wasn’t too bright but illuminated the room enough for her to make out Harry’s shadow beside her. His hand skimmed up and down her arm making her drowsy. “I love you,” she sighed.

“I love you, too, angel,” he murmured.

When they were out with friends Harry was mindful of her well-being. If she wanted to leave, he could sense it before she wanted to go. In fact, he even said he wanted to leave before she mentioned it. Taking her out of the equation made her anxiety lessen profusely.

If there was a problem Harry had (and rarely did that happen because he truly believed she was an angel) he looked her dead in the eye every time and promised her that he wasn’t mad. “I am not mad,” he held her face in his hands like she was a fragile vase. He waited until she nodded, he could see the emotions scrolling through her eyes like an index searching for one to land on for a moment. Only when she nodded would he continue. “I don’t like when y’leave the remote in the couch. S’hard t’find,” he explained. “Can y’try t’leave it on the coffee table?” He asked. She nodded. “Are y’okay, kitten? M’not mad,” he said reassuringly.

She nodded again. “I know,” her voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “S’okay,” he smiled encouragingly. “Do y’have anything y’want t’share with me that’s bothering you?” She shook her head. “You’re sure? Not even the whole pizza thing?” He eyed her suspiciously. Harry put the whole box of leftover pizza in the fridge, and he could see the distaste in her eyes when he did so.

“It just takes up a lot of room,” she admitted.

“Good,” he smiled excitedly that she was telling him the truth and he kissed her forehead. “I’ll go fix it now; can y’find the remote?” He found giving her a manageable task was a good distraction when she voiced her worry. He could see her eyes fill with tears despite the fact he wasn’t upset, but he knew it was because she was more than likely overwhelmed with how easy that was. She swiped her hand across her cheek and dug between the cushions to find the controller. When he returned, she handed him the remote to put on a movie. He pulled her toward him, her body half resting against his chest. He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, so much, angel,” he promised.

“I love you,” Harry could hear how much that really meant to her in every syllable.

*

She was carrying her work bag, her lunch bag, and her clunky water bottle when her mom called. Most of the time her mom texted her. So, she assumed it was bad. She settled her things onto the counter as she answered.

“Do you know Harry texted me?” She asked.

“What?” Her heart leapt to her throat. Harry hadn’t ever texted her mother to his knowledge. She knew he periodically texted her siblings but never her mom.

“He shared a whole album with me. I had to have your sister help me open it because you know me with this contraption,” she laughed but she didn’t want to hear about her technological illiteracy. She wanted to know what the album was. “It’s just a bunch of bouquets of flowers. At least two dozen. Maybe closer to three. He said it’s every bouquet he’s ever bought you and the reason why. Birthday. Christmas. Valentine’s Day. Bad day at work. Being brave at the dentist,” she laughed again. She had a hand on her heart as she tried to quell all the emotions rapidly flowing through her in quick succession. “Sweetie,” she whispered, a smile in her voice. “He said he was going to add to it every time he got a new bouquet, but he wanted me to know that he got you flowers. Wanted me to have proof. Do you know what it’s about?”

She felt tears thicken her throat. “Yeah. Yeah I know,” she whispered. “It’s nothing you need to worry about,” she promised.

“I know you lied to me,” she said softly. It wasn’t accusing. It was exactly how a mom would react to such a statement. “You never lie about anything so it’s pretty obvious when you do. Especially about something so...little,” she felt horrible. But honestly, she didn’t feel like telling her mom that the flowers weren’t little. They were huge, in fact. It was a huge, glaring, obvious thing that she should have known was wrong. “I’m not too sure what’s going on with you and Harry lately, but I can see how much that man adores you and I know he would do anything to make you smile.”

She bit the inside of her lip to keep from crying. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“I know,” she responded. “I know why you did it.”

The tears rolled down her cheeks, but she doesn’t make a sound. “Yeah,” she nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she repeated.

“Okay, well... I’m glad you have that album,” she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I’ve got a couple of chores to do, Mom.”

“I know, that’s fine. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you, sweetie,” she could hear her mom’s encouraging smile in her voice. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Almost as soon as the call ended, she sniffled. Then just as quickly, Harry came through the door and found her wiping her eyes. “Oh, kitten,” he frowned. “S’matter?” She wanted to say ‘nothing.’ But he was holding another bouquet of flowers. Half the tulips were red, and the other half was white. So, she was unable to utter a word and began to cry again. “Angel,” he set the bouquet on the counter beside her stuff and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “M’sorry, love,” he murmured into her hair and squeezed her.

“Can we get married?” She asked through her tears.

Harry didn’t even care how ridiculous she sounded. He continued as if this was a normal conversation that he had every day with her. As if she wasn’t sobbing on a Thursday night for no reason. Or if he asked her if she wanted fish for dinner. “Of course we can, baby, but I have t’propose—”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t care. Right now. Please. I love you so much. So, so much. I can’t—” she hiccupped.

“Hey, hey,” he pulled away and looked at her. “Kitten,” he smiled gently. It was a sad smile, but a cute one. Like he didn’t want to set her off completely. “I love you, too,” he assured her. “I want t’propose the right way and make sure you’re—”

“Then give me the ring now,” she looked at him squarely in the eye. The smile melted off his face and other than her soft sniffle, there wasn’t a sound in the apartment. “Please,” she repeated.

“Kitten,” he sucked his cheek in a bit and looked at her nervously. Like this was a break in her tired mind that he wouldn’t be able to handle. “What happened? Please tell me, you’re worrying me.”

She wiped her eyes again. “You told my mom you got me flowers.”

His entire body deflated, and it was like he just knew. “Stay here,” he said simply.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, nodded, and watched as Harry walked through their apartment. She wondered if he was walking so slowly on purpose. By now, she was used to Harry’s footsteps, and she listened to the sound of them: light and quiet on their hardwood floors. From the kitchen she could hear his dresser drawers sliding open and closed. It was as if he took ten times as long to come back to the kitchen as he did to leave it.

“How did y’know?” He asked.

She shook her head. “I didn’t.”

He smirked and pulled the little box out of his pocket and set it on the counter beside the flowers, her bags and her water. “I was going to wait until Christmas, y’gonna have nothing t’open.”

“I don’t need anything,” she promised.

He chuckled. “Kitten,” he sighed. “What am I going t’do with you?”

“I don’t know. But you have a lifetime to figure it out,” she vowed.

He smiled, shook his head. “Will you—”

“Yes.”

“Can you let me do it the right way—”

“No.”

He sighed. “Kitten,” he chided with a chuckle.

“Okay, okay, sorry,” she wiped her cheeks again and shook her head.

Harry took a deep breath. “Angel, will you—”

“I can’t do it, I’m sorry. Please just kiss me,” she begged.

He laughed, shook his head, and pressed his lips to hers. He held her so firmly in his embrace, dipping her backwards in the middle of the kitchen like this was the most romantic place in the world. When he stood her upright, her cheeks were flushed, and she was silent. She no longer looked anxious as she had when he entered the apartment. He grabbed the ring box, pulled the ring out of the safety of its little cushion and slipped it onto her finger. It fit perfectly. It wouldn’t need to be resized or anything. “Will you marry me?” He managed to ask without her interrupting.

Her response was immediate, though, barely finished the word ‘me’. “Yes."

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @tiredinwinter @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach @straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals @angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams @summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland @lovrave @st-ev-ie @pandeebearstyles @toosarcastic03 @luvonstyles @tenaciousperfectionunknown @classychalamet @love-letters-to-uranus @emmaawbr @crossyourpeter

#harry #harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurb #harry styles blurbs #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles sad #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #one direction #one direction writing #tulips

[gwydion-aacblog]

thought experiment . 

this is not replace listen to AAC users about experiences , just want see how people think about this , if help anyone understand why so hard .

challenge people who not use AAC to write messages , to write with unique word limit .

what is unique word here ? 

in many AAC devices , have grammar support that allow use words like eating and calmer , rather than say eat right now and more calm . not everyone can use these support features , but for this experiment , those words not unique . if might say calm , then also can say calmer without take extra space on list . this true for pronoun sets too : he also give access to his and himself .

however ... some very common little words - a , the , and , but , or - is all unique words . these each will take space in list , so choose wisely .

topics ?

AAC need words that can use in everyday situations , like food , school or work , rooms and items around house . but will also probably want some words for more specific things , like personal disabilities , and important interests or hobbies . AAC users also deserve words for sexuality , identity , abuse , things that " unpleasant " to others .

if word repeat between topics , those do not need use extra space - can count " i me myself " as one space on list , even if use in all topics . nouns verbs and adjectives , however , each unique even if look same at glance - paint/paints noun unique from paint/painting verb .

challenge rules :

pick 3 topics , and pick unique word limit of 300 or less words . write basic , everyday thoughts about these topics , add in some personally important details . count up unique words , and when hit limit , that is done , do not add more words . now see if can write about 4th topic . 

if work clever on higher end limit , maybe not at limit yet and can write 4th topic easy with new words . but if already hit limit , and really really need add new word … must sacrifice another . this repeat if want try 5th topic , and 6th , and so on .

how much is able write about with this small number words ? how much " proper " structure need give up , to make message that say what want say ? how many adjectives can describe with , share opinion ? can talk about body and pain , and how specific ? what about food - do have big vocabulary for specific meals , or only absolute favourites ? is able talk in detail about hobbies , or can barely even say hobbies exist ?

and this worth repeat . 

again , this thought experiment not substitute for listen to experiences from AAC users . AAC do come with many many more words than this , but even then , will still very likely never quite match to people that is not AAC users . when add more words , that can also make harder to access other current words . 

some people will have hard time look for words about other topics , even if words easy accessible on screen , when already think about something else . 

some people will try talk about something important , only to find not have enough words , need try replace with something " good enough " . 

some people able go through 3 or more folder layers after home screen to find what need , which give access to much more words than someone who need everything in 2 layers at most . this especially true if second person have less buttons on screen , because vision or visual process problems prevent from use big grid with more buttons .

still , do hope that for little experiment , will help to understand before ask why someone do not use " enough " words , say wrong words sometimes , or not call things with right name and instead seem to " make up " - like how some might call blood as red water .

( not need share results in experiment . can if want , just know point is less to share with gwydion , more to get little perspective how hard this can be . )

good luck :)

#actuallyautistic #nonverbal #aac user

[watatsumiis]

Reader with chronic headaches series - Dottore edition

Yes. this is self indulgent. I deserve it because head hurty and i can just feel its gonna get worse. As bonkers as he is, i think he'd be a great person to have look after you when you're not well (provided you have a close bond with him). Be aware that this is heavily based off of my own experiences with chronic headaches and migraines (and what I do to look after myself when I have them), and is not indicative of everyone's experiences.

Content: Gender neutral reader (implied to have chronic headaches and/or migraines), pre-established platonic relationship with Dottore, just. general Dottore warning, he's a little creepy and likes to keep lists about people.

At first, he's weird about it. He's trying to note down your symptoms and figure out exactly what's wrong, giving you solutions that (surprise surprise) don't work. It would almost be sweet if you didn't know he saw you more as a puzzle to solve at this point.

The idea of chronic illnesses is like a challenge to this man, he's so annoying about it, constantly bothering you about your symptoms, asking you to chart your headaches, where you'd rate them on a scale of one to ten, etc., at this point, he's almost more of a headache than the headaches themselves.

Eventually though, he calms down a bit and starts being actually helpful. He's very observant, so he picks up on the common signals you give off when you've got a headache or a migraine coming on, even if you don't notice them yourself.

When he notices, he'll have someone wordlessly bring you a cool glass of water and your pain relief of choice, sometimes even offer to take over your more menial duties to remove some stress from you.

He takes careful note of what you do to help alleviate them and will replicate those actions, sometimes sternly ordering you around when you're continuing to try and push yourself further. Being of such a high rank, he's easily able to take advantage of it to give you a day or two off.

He'll usher you into a quiet, dark room with a nice cool temperature and a pile of blankets, making sure you're stocked up with plenty of water and your preferred brand of pain relief, while nattering away about what he thinks may be the root cause of your pain this time (as much as he tries to eliminate all potential causes, some still manage to slip through the cracks).

He's uncharacteristically tender with you when you're in pain, especially if he feels guilty for not noticing before it got as bad as it has. He's gentle and speaks in a soft, low voice that's both easy to understand and listen to even through the ringing in your ears.

Though he's used to how your symptoms manifest, it doesn't mean that he worries any less - he still checks up on you just a little too often, but he always tries extremely hard not to disturb you, especially if you decide to take a nap or have a lie down.

He makes sure you're extra stocked up with your favourite snacks, blankets and comfort items, and might even try to find you something simple to keep you entertained that isn't too much strain on your head if you get bored or restless (you're not sure where he got these colouring pages from, but they're well made!)

The amount of documentation he keeps on you is almost unnerving, there's enough there that, even when he's not around, there'll be someone who has been given a briefing and knows exactly what to do to help you.

Once you're feeling better, he scolds you if you overworked yourself or acted too stubborn, insisting that he's a doctor and you should listen to him.

Overall, he's a great person to have take care of you when you're not feeling a hundred percent. He's willing to field almost any request if it'll get you back up and feeling well again.

Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagarise my writing! This includes posting translations to other sites (without credit + permission).

#insert whatever spiel here about how i dont condone the acts of the character in canon i just enjoy him blah blah blah #sorry to the 7 ppl in my askbox i was gonna do stuff today but head hurty :/ #ill b better after a nap probably maybe #dottore #genshin dottore #dottore x reader #dottore x reader fluff #zandik #zandik x reader #zandik x reader fluff #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin self insert #my writing #genshin headcanons #genshin fluff #platonic genshin x reader #genshin comfort #x reader comfort #chronic headache series

[claymorexpunisher]

Worthy (One-Shot)

I have never been more nervous about posting a fic in my life lmaooo... Trigger warning- this fic deals with heavy topics so I totally understand if yall rather skip out on it. The only reason I felt comfortable writing this fic and posting it is because I have firsthand experience with these kinds of topics/issues even though certain aspects of this fic are purely, well, fictional. I never wanna just gloss over serious topics like these or make them seem trivial... As always, thank you for reading and for supporting. (also the ending's a bit cheesy, I KNOW LMAO)💙💙💙

Pairing(s): Damian Priest/Fem. Reader

Summary: Reader has a horrible day at work, and to top it off, she gets a bit jealous watching Damian celebrate his NXT North American Championship win with beautiful women.

Tags: established relationship, jealousy, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, disordered eating, body image issues, plus size reader.

Word Count: 1,453

I should’ve been excited. Elated, even. I should have been bursting at the seams because my boyfriend Damian had just won the NXT North American Championship. And I was. I was so incredibly proud of him. But underneath that feeling pride, a horrible, and ever-familiar monster had awoken from its slumber.

Watching Damian celebrate, looking at his wide, pleased smile and appreciative eyes sliding over the curvy bodies of the models that surrounded him as he showed off his brand-new title… I was jealous. Admitting that to myself felt like swallowing acid, but I was. I could lie to myself and say that due to the fact that I couldn’t be there with him in person to celebrate due to being held up with my job, but I knew better.

I never felt jealous when Damian would show appreciation for other women. That wasn’t the issue. Lord knows I could appreciate a gorgeous woman myself. Women were magical, whether they had soft curves, thick thighs, not-so-thick thighs, flat toned stomachs, body rolls… it was all beautiful to me. So, I didn’t blame his wandering eyes.

And it wasn’t that I thought he would stray away from me in favor of any of these gorgeous and model-type women… nah, I trusted him implicitly.

But every time I looked, he seemed to be surrounded by these beautiful women. And I was very much aware of his past. Aware that within the slew of women he tended to go for in the past, I was the “rare gem” so to speak. Though I was a model myself, I have a much fuller figure that was… a little hard to love sometimes, as much as I hated to say that. I suppose every woman goes through these insecurities, especially with the rise in social media and its ridiculously deceiving and downright mind-warping filters. But for me in the past, these insecurities reached an excessive level of unhealthy behaviors that I had to pull myself out of on my own, too ashamed to admit it to anyone else and to ask for help.

And now at this very moment, when I should’ve been calling my man to congratulate him on his very much deserved win, I was instead talking to my personal trainer for some extra workout sessions, 6 days a week.

I wasn’t exactly careless with my body. I worked out- 3 days a week, max. And I was relatively good at watching what I ate. But I could hear that familiar monster in my head now… growling at me that I could do better. Screaming at me that I needed to compete, compete, compete, with and measure up to these women that I didn’t even know. These women who clearly put the work into their bodies that I very much could benefit from myself. And that my boyfriend clearly appreciated. Realistic body image standards, be damned.

It didn’t help that I had a tough day at work.

Being a plus sized model wasn’t always easy. There was still a lot of work to be done when it comes to what society deems an acceptable body type that’s worthy of basic respect. And today was just more proof of that.

I was in the middle of a lingerie shoot for a very famous lingerie company, and I felt like a million bucks. I felt hot as hell in every number they brought out… until one of the garments ripped. In the back of my head, I knew that it wasn’t my fault that the garment didn’t fit. I knew it was their responsibility to make sure that they had the appropriate sizes for all of their models. But that fucking monster called insecurity reared its ugly head back and bit me right in the ass again. Though the photographer and the stylists didn’t say anything outright mean to me, I could tell they were frustrated. They were frustrated that I wasn’t a “regular” sized 0 who they could fit into anything. I could see the contempt in their eyes and hear it in their voices. The type of contempt reserved for people they deemed unworthy and lower than them. People who they peg as someone who just didn’t take care of themselves as they should… This campaign was just a way to win brownie points, not something they all genuinely believed in.

It fucking sucked and I hadn’t felt this low in a very long time.

But I had decided from here on out that maybe… maybe listening to that monster was the right thing to do…

~~

And so, it began…

Workouts, calorie counting, lemon water that did absolutely nothing except douse my teeth in citric acid, but my trainer swore by it.

The day after I contacted my personal trainer, we both got to work. 2 hours at the gym, 6 days a week, 7 if I was feeling up to it, she said. those closest to me and Damian- and Damian himself- had no idea about my new workout regime. I knew they’d look at me like I was crazy, especially considering I didn’t have a career that merited such an excessive diet and workout regime. No career merited the lengths I was going to in order to lose weight, to be honest.

Nobody except Damian and Rhea began to notice the pallor of my skin. The missed meals, the almost obsessive way I’d scan the ingredients and calories at the grocery store.

I was losing weight. I was happy to see the number go down on the scale week after week, but I wasn’t prepared for it all to come to screeching halt….

~~

‘Damian, mate- pick up the fucking phone. Your girlfriend just fainted at the gym. Buddy and I are taking her to the hospital.’

Damian’s heart sank as he heard Rhea’s voicemail and the words that she spoke sunk in.

He figured this would happen, though. Though he didn’t really broach the topic with me like he felt he should’ve, he noticed how unhealthy my routine had become. His alarm bells started going off even more one day when he accompanied me to one of my workouts and he watched the way I pushed myself to my very limit. Foolishly, I had invited him that one day, thinking ‘well, this is working! So, it must not be that bad!’

And seeing his crestfallen and worried face fall as he walked into the hospital room I was in, felt just as bad as that ugly monster that was always lurking in the back of my head, ready to pounce.

“Muneca… what happened?” he asked, his tone pleading. Pleading to understand how we got here.

And so, with tears in my eyes, I unloaded. I told him everything from my past issues with eating and my weight, to the events that got me into this hospital room. And he listened. He didn’t interrupt me once until I was done.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Damian asked, squeezing my hand in his for dear life.

I shrugged.

“I dunno.. I didn’t want any sympathy, I guess. We all have shit we go through. Insecurities… It is what it is.” I shrugged again with a nonchalance I didn’t feel.

“… You know you’re beautiful to me, right? Mi muneca hermosa,” he said, smiling softly at me. So softly and tenderly that I swore I’d melt right into the sheets. “I know that’s not a magical cure or whatever, but still. I need you to know that. And that I’m here for you. Okay?” he asked, wiping the silent tears that cascaded down my cheeks.

I nodded, not trusting myself to not break into hideous sobs.

And yeah, it wasn’t a magical cure by any means. But seeing myself in that hospital room was what I needed to get back on track. Things weren’t perfect and I knew that that monster would always be there. Waiting…. Salivating as it waited for the perfect opportunity to sink its claws into me. And just knowing that I almost let it win scared the shit outta me.

But as I left that hospital with my boyfriend, my friends, a new therapist-and a new personal trainer, but they would have to wait a bit-, and a little more hope in my heart, I felt like I was finally taking the steps to be better. Not to change myself completely, but to just be the best version of me that I could be, for me. Not for Damian, not for designers and photographers who only viewed me as worthy if I could fit into their clothes and make them money.

For me. Because I’m more than worthy…

#damian priest #damian priest x reader #damian priest fanfic #damian priest fluff fic #damian priest angst fic #wwe fic #wwe fan fic #wwe fan fiction

[colorfullyminded]

PLSS TELL ME UR STILL DOING KISS THE COOKK!! its almost gunna b a year since ep 6 and i rlly need to know if the other 14 in the works. (take ur well deserved break u dont need to be making fics 24/7)

Oh wow, I wasn't sure if people still wanted that. To be honest, we actually have written up to chapter 8 (9 technically because there's an 8.5). All I really need to do is finish editing them before posting them. The reason I've been so hesitant is also my feelings towards the fic. I both love the fic and also feel incredibly self conscious with some of the decisions I chose in the fic (especially later chapters--some of which haven't been posted yet). I love writing smut, and I do think Wirt deserves to be written more unhinged than people allow him to be (he's a poet for godsake, if he can be so despondently dramatic laying on a couch-- you know his yearnings are just as fantastical, dramatic, and probably hella thirsty. And let's not mention Dipper's search history). I love writing these two because they're so multifaceted and I love trying different perspectives of their personality. Also writing with my friend Clubs has been amazing and I genuinely enjoyed his help with this fic! I want to continue this series when I'm more motivated to write. But again, for how much I love this fic, there are moments where I go back and read and blush and go "I'm sorry, I made Wirt say what? I made him do what?! IS THIS HOW HE WOULD ACT?! THIS DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT? WHATTHE FUCK WAS I ON TO THINK THIS WAS OKAY?!" (I'm in charge of Wirt's dialogue/actions in this story, Clubs does Dipper, and occasionally, though very rarely, we may also add something to the other's characterization). There are times I worry I've made him ooc. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that. I was having fun, I'm enjoying my extra smutty era (where all I wanna write is to be a problem) and honestly if I wanted to explain my reasonings I probably could make an accurate presentation on why Kiss the Cook is not that out of character. But I also do pride myself on my fics and a lot of comments I've received are about how well and real the characters feel. I feel so good that I'm able to articulate and present them in a way that feels genuine and makes the readers feel like it's just another adventure-- but with the two. I like bringing that feeling into my writing. And Kiss the cook, some elements do feel very much like the characters (Clubs does amazing with an older Dipper), but I do start to doubt some of Wirt's actions or my writing in this particular fic as being too "Horny on Main". So it's kind of a love/hate relationship I currently have with this piece of work. But if people do still love this fic and want to continue this adventure, maybe I should go back and get these chapters prepped for posting? Despite my fears, everyone who has commented on KTC have been very supportive and encouraging and sweet. So this whole anxiety and self doubt is probably just in my head. I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I do have other smut WIPS that tackle different layers and so I can always finish those up if I need to take a break from the wildness of KTC. So to answer your question, yes, we do have more in store, and maybe it's time I show you what we've cooked up (no matter how embarrassed I make the reader...or myself)

#Pinescone #Kiss the Cook #Asks #Ask Me #Ask about my writing #KTC #Thank you for the message #I appreciate these asks about my work #I really do love talking about the boys

[arknights-imagines]

A short follow up...! 🥺🙏

Hello again everyone dvdjdh! It's Exe again...! 💕 I wanted to make a post to follow up on my last one 🙏

Firstly, I want to apologize for the more sombre and sad tone of my initial post 😭 with how my life has been IRL this year, it's been really hard for me to see things positively or too look on the bright side; I haven't felt upbeat like I usually am when I make posts to you all, in a while

I'm v v sorry to anyone I worried or made feel a little down from my post...! 😭🙏 I hope you can forgive me!

In any case, I'm not feeling as negative anymore or as firm about leaving the blog for good as I was previously 🙏 and this is all thanks to all of you!!

I've received lots of messages, the ones I've shown below and some other ones privately:

And, I'd to say thank you v v v much to everyone 😭💞!!

(I couldn't fit more screenshots in one post sgshsh but also thank you to @hikarirose and @vogelar for their support and comments as well 🥺)

You guys and your kindness have uplifted me a lot and I don't feel like giving up so much anymore, and I haven't felt this much like myself in a small while 😭💕🙏 so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for saving me and the blog! I'm still a little worried and unsure if my writing will have an audience still 😭, and I'm also still going through a few things IRL

But you guys have helped me remember how much I love this blog and how much work I've put into it...and I'm not sure if I want to let go of it and retire from writing for you guys just yet

If even a few people look forward to and appreciate my writing, then I want to be of service 💞! If by continuing to write and post stuff on my blog, I can show the Arknights characters the love they deserve, then I want to do so 🙏!

I'm still not completely set on a decision yet shsjhse but I'm not leaning the same way I was anymore 🥺 I want to take some extra time to think about what would be best for me and what I'd like to choose, and also how I'd like to go about that choice!

So for now, that's all 🙏!

Again, I thank all of you v v sincerely 😭💕! I've always felt supported by those who follow the blog, and now especially 🥺 so, thank you so much and I can't express my gratitude enough!

I would like to make a final decision before new years, so expect a final announcement on what I've decided to do soon 🙏

Thank you again 💕 please remember to take care of yourself, and that I love all of you lots 😭

Yours truly,

- An Exe who's truly grateful 💞

#arknights #arknights imagines #not an imagine #important announcement #annoucement #thank you v v v much to everyone 😭🥺🙏

[trances-and-tentacles]

Hi, it's the rat girl. Wasn't letting me ask from that blog so I had to use Anon. Basically for ADHD I've found that working with the stray thoughts and lack of focus rather than working against it can prove really useful. For me if I have a 'tist/file/scene where I'm suggested to feel blank, empty, or where a lack of thoughts is focused on, it won't work as well for me. Instead, 'tists that encourage those thoughts and lack of focus can be really helpful. IDK if you're working more from files or with an actual 'tist, but when I drop people who have ADHD I tend to use phrases like "you don't need to concern yourself with any thoughts that might drift through that pretty head of yours. Your mind can drift from thought to thought, but here beneath that all I need you to do is listen to the sound of my voice." A lack of focus doesn't actually really cause problems when it comes to getting dropped I've found, since your ears and brain are still processing whatever the tist/file is saying. What does tend to cause problems, at least for me, is *thinking* that my stray thoughts are causing me to not drop enough. It usually goes something like "I'm enjoying this drop, this is nice!" > "Hmm, I'm kinda hungry, I wonder what I'll eat after this." > "Oh god I'm thinking too much and not listening" > "Fuck I'm fucking this up, aren't I? My brain won't shut off" Etc. and then that anxiety keeps me from being able to enjoy the calm droppy feelings that I was experiencing at the start. However if the tist preempts that and states that it's *okay* for my brain to wander and that my subconscious can still listen and obey, I end up having a great scene and session! Realistically because of how my brain works I'm never gonna hit that completely blank slate state that some people talk about, but I can get the same effects if I'm really deep and my brain is slowly going from one thought to the next, especially if the tist or file has already stated that this is normal and natural and shouldn't impact the quality of the drop. It is completely 100% possible for someone with even extreme levels of ADHD to drop and have really good hypnotic sessions, it just requires a little extra specific work on the part of the tist, or files that work well with ADHD. I don't want this to get too long, but I could genuinely talk about this for hours. Basically it comes down to: 1: Believing that you can drop regardless of your lack of focus or other ADHD related symptoms. Believing you *can* drop and being willing are half the battle. 2: Having a tist who will work with you and preempt anxieties you might face. 3: don't fight against your ADHD, work with it. Your brain is more active and hyperactive, so trying to shut down those thoughts is fighting against the tide. Instead try to focus more on working alongside those thoughts, or more effectively, beneath them. 4: Trying and re-trying to figure out how things work with your brain. It took me a while to learn how to drop properly, and what worked for me might not work for you. Hypnotism is deeply intimate and personal to each individual and that's what makes it so fun and special! 5: Have fun with it. Even if you don't get as deep or blank as you'd like, learning to appreciate and lean into the good feelings you *do* get will help you get to that deep state of acceptance, in a roundabout way. Idk if any of this was helpful or sensical, but I really hope you're able to get where you want to be and enjoy trance! It's such a special thing, and everyone deserves to feel safe and blank and happy. You got this!

thank you!!! The stray thought anxiety chain is EXACTLY what i experience and it's one of the main things that makes it hard for me to trance. I really crave the blankness/emptiness feeling but haven't gotten that close to it and i find that i pull myself out really easily.

I will definitely keep these in mind next time I try hypnosis with my partners, we all have ADHD and I've been under for them before once. I'll probably show this to them if that's ok :3

anyways, this is really reassuring and i can't wait to get back into hypno more, as I'm gonna have more free time soon

#save

[moonrisenmuses]

Still working on making my sideblogs look pretty but… I just wanted to take a moment to really throw some positivity out there. But also TW for mentions of past RPC drama ( no names ), and mental health, breakups, death of a family member, family toxicity and general personal irl issues etc.

This turned long so I’m just gonna post the positivity shoutouts separately from this I think so I don’t make anyone uncomfortable.

Autumn is my favourite season as some of you might know based on how often I have my muses gush about it being their fave too. I always put little pieces of myself in my muses, it could be something as mundane as their favourite colour or a book they read, or as big as personal inspiration from real life events that happened to me, usually the former. It helps me feel closer to them. But Autumn is also a really hard time for me, for a lot of reasons. For one it’s the anniversary of a really bad time in my life from when I was 18 and I tried to do something and ended up ( voluntarily ) in the hospital for my own safety. But it’s also around the time my Pop’s health took a turn for the worst ( the Autumn before that, when I was 17 - he passed in January, nine months before the hospital incident ) before he passed away, and my home life had turned really toxic around that time as people were already preparing to lose him and tension was high. I was that teen who’s mom was more nurturing than strict and certain people in my family disagreed with her parenting style being rather gentle die or my being neurodivergent.

Anyway, because of that, October is already especially hard for me even though it’s my favourite month hands down. Then a few years ago I got into a relationship with someone a lot younger than me who I’d met online and I’ll be honest, I really really loved and cared about them. To the point I let it blind me to their faults. They always talked me into joining whatever fandom they were into at the moment and while I was sad to leave so many fun fandoms, I either ignored or didn’t notice the fact that many of the ones we left was because of drama. Drama that followed them from their past or drama that they started because they couldn’t leave well enough alone. If someone didn’t like them, or blocked them, added them to a DNI or kept tabs on them for their own comfort, they had to know why. They had to clear their name. They got hate, which they didn’t deserve, but they also made no effort to actually avoid stirring the pot.

I… did things I’m not proud of. Because I loved them and I ignored red flags because I saw them as a victim like me, as I’d been bullied all through my school years. I figured being the older one I could protect them. But I got hurt instead. It’s not their fault, not entirely. The tension kept building between us for months. I wanted to move countries to be with them eventually so I was working extra hard to try to make money. And with the different time zones I was running myself ragged. I think they felt like I was ignoring them or that they needed to ship certain things or prioritize me in our RP to keep my interest. That wasn’t the case but looking back… we were both very immature and had rose coloured glasses on. I wanted so badly to seem like I had it all figured out when the truth was, I felt like I was drowning and Autumn being when my depression hits most was the final nail in the coffin. In the end the drama wasn’t what broke us up, it was me realizing I’d become afraid of making them unhappy because I didn’t want to face the fallout. Them going dark, not replying to messages, worrying they might do something and me being on another continent I couldn’t help. I couldn’t be someone else’s mental support when I barely had a proper grip on my own, if that makes sense. You can’t pour water from an empty jug and you can’t throw a life preserver when you’re in the water with the person that’s drowning, I couldn’t help us both. Eventually I had to pick. And as selfish as I felt at the time, choosing me felt kinder than continuing on knowing I would eventually burn out and resent them for it.

It was so hard, but I had to end it for my own sake. What was supposed to be a temporary breakup turned permanent and I honestly think it was the best thing for us both. Things are still awkward, we don’t really talk anymore but from what I understand they left Tumblr and have been doing well for themselves. They’re happier at least. I’m healing. I think I’ll always mourn them because whether we ever met in person or not, they were the first person I developed deep romantic feelings for beyond a crush. I loved them. Part of me always will.

When I came back to the BSD fandom I was scared. So many people had left, new people had come, and I was full of insecurity about my writing. Am I a good writer? Are my characters hollow clichés? Do I write too much smut and gross people out? Am I annoying? But coming back here was so easy. It felt like coming home. Asagiri does such a phenomenal job at portraying mental health without even explicitly showing it that it’s honestly stunning. The way no one has to say outright ‘Dazai has depression’ or ‘Atsushi is suffering from PTSD, anxiety and crippling lay low self esteem due to his upbringing’ or even ‘Dazai, Kyouka, Yosano, Higuchi and Akutagawa are all victims of a toxic cycle of abuse started by Mori’, or even the way queer relationships ( whether you view them as platonic or not ) between men are integral to the most important bonds in the franchise.

I can’t tell if this is a vent post or not anymore, but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like things I needed to say because I know I kinda vanished from the BSD RPC a few years ago without a word to anyone and those who were there probably know some of what happened but I guess what I wanted to say is… thanks to everybody who readily accepted me back with open arms as if I’d never left? You all mean so much to me. I can’t really say enough how much coming back here has improved my mental health. I’m actually reading again! And not just fanfics! Not that there’s anything wrong with that but like… I’ve got al the light novels on my shelf right now and some of the manga. I’ve got works by Nakahara C., Dazai, Rimbaud, Verlaine and more that I’ve been steadily going through, and it’s done so much good for me. I truly haven’t felt this accepted or wanted in a fandom since 2019 when I was still in the Marvel RPC before it kinda broke down over increasingly bad decisions in the Marvel cinematic universe lol.

But that’s enough of the crying boo boo stuff. Here’s the point I wanted to actually make from the beginning:

Anyone can change. Sometimes friendships ( or relationships ) don’t last and it feels like the end of the world, but it isn’t. Sometimes who you thought you were at 24 couldn’t be further from the truth at 27. You can love someone but not be right for them. We all have bias that can be hard to let go of. But most importantly… life is too short to always be sad about things you can’t control. I can’t help that I have depression and ADHD, I can’t bring my Pop back or make certain family members love me or respect me.

But I can go to a place where I feel loved and appreciated. I can choose my friends and the people I share my heart with. I’d like to send some love to a few of those people now, so here they are, hope you all don’t mind the tags, this was entirely off of the top of my head. Post incoming.

#this turned into Diary of an Anxious Bitch lol #I don’t usually do emotional dumps OOC like this because despite how I may seem I’m actually very shy and self conscious #but I just wanted to sort of explain why I tend to disappear for weeks on time #especially around this time of year #{ Mun Shit } #Drama // #Vent // #Death // #Breakups // #Emotional Abuse // #Mental Illness // #Depression // #Hospital Mention // #Implied Suicide //

[br4inr0tx]

Hello! May I get an Attack on Titan matchup pleaseee? IF the requests are open, If not please ignore this.

So my name is Bita. I'm a biromantic heterosexual (so my preference would be a male but I don't mind being matched with a female) 160cm height, long black wavy/curly hair, honey-brown eyes. Pisces, my MBTI is XSFP, I'm an ambivert. Friendly, mature, wise, understanding yet little-ish and bubbly, optimistic, when (rarely)angry or jealous I tend to sulk instead of confronting the person. Conflict makes me uncomfortable even if it's between others. I have anxiety, makes it hard for me to leave the house alone. Gotta admit I'm spoiled and irresponsible x0 too used to being taken care of and I like it that way. Can't handle harsh behavior and rude ppl >:( can't handle horror either ×_× but I'm brave when it comes to breaking norms and stupid rules, I stand up for myself and others against closeminded/judgmental people, can't stand them.

I'm polite and considerate, a total gentlewoman 😌 can be very flirty too. I'm also artsy in nature. I have out of body experiences frequently and I'm kinda researching and studying that subject and my observations 👉👈 I'm passionate about that.

I sleep with plushies. I love making new friends, love rain and thunderstorms, amusement parks, swinging, going on picnics, watching the stars, and the colors pink and beige ^-^

My love languages are, first, Words of Affirmation, then Quality Time and Physical touch in a tie.

Thank you~ ♡♡♡♡♡

ofc!

Warnings: minor depictions of anxiety (from someone who has anxiety).

your Attack on Titan matchup is…Armin Arlert !!

• It’s been years sense I watched or really touched aot truthfully, but hopefully I still do this justice.

• I think you and Armin would get along great. You both have a great head on your shoulders, and anchor each other down when need be.

• He’s 1-2 inches taller then you I think, but not to worry, he doesn’t mention it at all, ever. If you do, he just likes to say that you’re perfect the way you are.

• He used to have slightly longer hair in his younger days, and I can imagine he took decent care of it. He’d absolutely love to braid your hair if you’d let him.

• He’s glad you mature and focused. It’s something one can value. Not only that, but the fact that you keep such a positive attitude is something he adores. Especially considering the world the two of you live in.

• Armin can get a little jealous, but it’s mostly in the form of him getting flustered seeing you with other guys. Just show him that extra bit of affection when you can. Reminding him that your his and he’s your will really help ease his jealousy.

• He’s not a huge fan of conflict, even if he does work for the survey corps. Though I think it’s more of uanessacry conflict that messes with his anxiety.

• That being said, he has anxiety too. I feel like the both of you could help each other, but if anything you guys might be hypocritical when calming the other down. Still, it’s very sweet.

• He loves to spoil you with little treats whenever he can, and generally does nice and gentlemanly things without you asking, like doing house chores.

• Though if you do something for him, he’ll go all heart eyes. Deep down he thinks he doesn’t deserve you but you best know he appreciates you like treasure at it’s very last.

• Armin has been somewhat of a bookworm all his life, and will definitely help with your research as best as he can, even if you aren’t around.

• He can be your plushy. He’s really warm due to being a little sensitive at most times. He give great hugs too, especially to people he cares about both mind and soul.

• He’d like to go on a picnic with you whenever possible. Though unfortunately living in Paradis Island isn’t so kind, and these little picnic dates and EXTREMELY rare. :(

• Same comes with watching the stars. He likes to point out constellations and what they mean- so if you wanted a quiet night under the stars you might not get that lmao.

• He spends as much time as he can with you, and cherishes doing small simple things like holding your hand, calling you sweet names, and kissing your forehead as a greeting.

• Unfortunately some of his time is occupied by his strenuous job, but he makes time specially for you. You mean everything to him, like the same level as Mikasa and Eren if not a little higher. He adores you.

[sakee21]

SEVENTEEN - F*ck My Life MV

Oh my gosh... I really had to make a (long) post about this song and the MV because the MV references the movie called "The Truman Show" which is a touching classic movie, the message and the lyrics of the song really hit so hard, and the whole production of the MV is top-notch and SVT's acting in here deserves to be appreciated, like it was really like a short film or something. It was really amazing in my opinion.

So first, for the Truman Show references that I can remember (cuz it was fun to look for them haha).

(SOME SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE AHEAD!)

Plot summary for those unfamiliar with it: the movie was about an ordinary man named Truman who has a stable job, a lovely wife and a loyal best friend. However, it seems that something was not right with his almost "perfect" life when he began to notice unusual things happening around him, such as a mysterious object falling from the sky

and rain pouring down on a certain spot only.

It turns out that the movie is set in the future and Truman is the star of a reality tv show that is being broadcast to the whole world.

His whole surroundings is just a giant tv set made with advanced technology, the people around him (including his family, friends, coworkers) are just actors hired to play certain roles, and since his birth he was living a fake life made by the show's creator/director.

However, this didn't mean that Truman's feelings, emotions, and experiences were fake because he once fell in love with an extra actor named Sylvia. But since she wasn't the intended love interest for Truman (and because she was trying to help him get out of his fake life), she was forcefully removed from the show.

The pin during Joshua's scene is a reference to the pin that Sylvia wore in the movie.

Becoming confused by what is real or fake and driven by his desire to find Sylvia (his true love), Truman began to go against the rules and goes missing. He decided to run away using a boat and crosses the ocean (which he is afraid of because of a trauma he had when he was young).

Of course the show's creator didn't want this to happen, so he made a storm happen to discourage Truman and change his mind.

The final part of the movie showed Truman fighting against his fears; him hitting the edge of his world, the "sky" (which is actually just a backdrop wall) and realizing that he was indeed living in a fake world; his desire for freedom; and him ultimately making the choice to open the door to the outside world and go live his own life.

I think the overall message of the movie (and especially the ending) fits really well with the message that SVT's wants to convey in the song, which is to fight for your own life and find your true self, just like Truman. In SVT's own words:

From now on I'll fight for my life

For my own good, fight for my life

We'rе so used to feeling numb in this life

Now I just wanna find myself

Now for some additional thoughts:

Though the overall message of "F*ck My Life" can be applied to almost any person's life, I also can't help but have a bit of comparison to Truman and the world of k-pop idols. We are familiar that k-pop idols broadcast a part of their lives to us, the viewers. And like the audience of Truman's show, fans learn to laugh with them, cry with them, grow with them. They share a lot of things to us and we develop an attachment to our idols. Though this isn't necessarily a bad thing, we have to remember that k-pop idols are still real people living in the real world, and like Truman, they have their own desires and happiness that they want to find and achieve. So as fans, the least we can do is give them the privacy and respect they deserve and let them live the lives they want to live. We don't have the right to tell them what they should do or how they should act or who they should only interact with. If we do so, we are no different from the creator of Truman's show, who wants to cage him inside the fictional world that he created. The idol life is already a f*cked up world as it is, hopefully we shouldn't make it more difficult.

Aaaaaand that's the end of this essay lol (I honestly don't know how to end this well 😅english is not easy). Tho this felt all over the place and the ending got kinda preachy, but idk SVT's song and mv just made me think of these thoughts. I'm glad they released a song and MV like this. I was already SUPER amazed by "Super" but I think I really became more of their fan because of "F*ck My Life". Hopefully the message they want to convey can reach a lot of people, and hopefully SVT themselves can find their true happiness just like Truman.

#Youtube #kpop #seventeen #svt #f*ck my life #seventeen fml #the truman show #noooo im not crying #svt i hope you'll always be happy #thank you for showing us a new side of yours #and hopefully you'll achieve greater things and your music reach more people #k now im just being corny lol #and kinda cringey but idc!!!!!!

[nekofantasia]

"Miss Chen? Miss Ran? I think you already know this, but... I'll be sure to say it out to the both of you in case."

Deep breaths. A small bit of silence, doing his best to smile.

"... I'll be going on a journey outside of Gensokyo on a journey sometime soon to pursuit knowledge, so... I won't be back in here for a while. In order to become a better kitsune, I would need to learn as much things as possible, to be someone everyone could be proud of... you know?"

This is extremely hard to talk about for him, especially since Ran is the kitsune he looked up to, and Chen is pretty much like a twin to him, and a sister. Memories of them both of them playing together, how they helped each other with their insecurities...

... It's really tough, knowing that he has to leave that behind.

......

"That's it... Thank you for having me around after all these years, both of you. I'll be sure to try to visit whenever I can, but it'll be a while."

Maybe both of them heard of Eri leaving Gensokyo, but it didn't make the announcement any less shocking. Well, at least for Chen. She was hoping that it was just a rumor or even a prank, and this visit was just the usual stuff she always loved having. And while Ran was still calm about it, there was this silence that overstayed its welcome as one struggled to find her words and the other was just waiting patiently for her to eventually find them.

Atfer all, this is her brother right? He's a big part of her life and now he's leaving? Don't get her wrong, hearing him wanting to brave the world outside for a long journey was something she's wanted to do as well so she's happy for him in that regard, but at the same time...it gave her an immense sadness knowing that her days won't be the same without him around.

She probably had more in her thoughts to sort it out, but suddenly feeling her master's hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality.

"Now Chen, I understand how you're feeling. But don't you think he deserves to hear an answer from you now?"

"Right, right..." Chen nodded. Her master was right. Eri was probably expecting a response so better not keep him waiting.

"Look Eri, I...I know it was you."

Wait what?

"It was you, right? You took care of me when I was alone watching the household. Honestly it's a bit embarassing knowing you've probably seen me cry or have doubts of myself back there. I know you wanted to practice your shapeshifting but...thank you, you made things less lonely here."

Still, there was something she didn't like hearing from Eri so she had to address that quickly. Placing both of her hands on Eri's shoulders, she gave her brother a very reassuring squeeze.

"Eri...nothing you gonna do from here on is gonna make me proud of you, because I already am. You're my brother and I know you can do anything so always remember that."

"I also share the sentiment, Philomele. Seeing as I'll no longer have to tutor you here's my last advice for you: Don't doubt yourself. You've grown so much since we met and while it's guaranteed that you'll encounter dangerous situations in your journey, I have no doubt that you'll be able to overcome each one of them. Know that you're always welcome to visit us."

With that said, Chen gave her brother a tight hug.

"I love you, alright? I know you got this. Oh, but maybe I should give you a weapon so you can fight off! How about a sword that can curse the owner's opponents, that'd be nifty!"

"I could prepare you some material if you want to deepen your current kitsune skills...Surely you don't mind carrying an extra 50 kilograms right?"

Spoken like a true couple of Yakumos to the very end huh....

#HERE YOU GO #truly art imitates life as my twin left moved out and now Chen's twin is moving out too :DDDDD #twinfoxtails

[kingkatsuki]

Seeing all the discourse about tumblr algorithm n interactions n tingz

I still don’t get why people really struggle to just do the right thing. Like bro atp it’s easy as breathing.

I literally like and reblog just abt everything I interact with that I enjoy (on both my main and side). Majority of the time with at least a few comments in the tags if not on the reblog itself (tho that’s more on the writing side blog than the main for other random shit lmao).

‘S Kinda sad cus atp I think a part of me has accepted that aside from moots i’m prolly never gonna get the interaction I desire. Majority of all my notes on my writing blog? Just likes. I get reblogs here and there but most of the time that isn’t even on my actual content. Just other stuff I’ve reblogged.

Not to say I’ve never gotten reblogs on content I have created myself, but it’s a stark contrast to the amount of likes. And it’s is extremely rare that a non-moot will leave a comment or tags.

Idk. Just makes you feel lonely sometimes? Cus it’s not even really about trying to be famous or have a lot of followers anymore lmao. Just want people to talk to.

It’s understandable you may not want to reblog absolutely everything. Not even I always do it. But the vast majority of the time I am doing it. Because people deserve to know that something they created actually touched someone?

Screaming into the void is valid and what most blogs have to start out doing but that should not have to be something they have to deal with forever.

Cus at that point what even is the purpose of posting works to some website if you’re basically still just keeping it to yourself?

People have said it time and time again, but likes are worthless here.

Like if you equate it to instagram I guess (so maybe ppl will understand it better)

Tumblr likes = Instagram views

On instagram views are cool and all, but they’re faceless and don’t really do anything to promote a post and allow others to see it. Even if there are a lot of views, it isn’t extremely validating (high numbers or not). It’s the people in the comments saying stuff that matters, and likes that help the post. Like Instagram views, Tumblr likes do nothing and though there may be a lot they are not really validating or helping the post.

Tumblr reblogs = Instagram likes (+ shares)

Both of these functions on the respective websites help a post to get more seen. Instagram likes only function is to help promote posts. Tumblr’s reblogs are a little different in that you have to ability to say things while you help promote (in tags or on the post itself). Basically they’re like instagram likes and shares smooshed together. If you don’t want to do the extra work of using your words fine, but at least actually share the thing you are enjoying so others see it. Whether or not it matches your theme or not, do it. It’s your blog and if you like a post then yeet it on there. If your followers (if you have any) followed you for a specific type of content and your worried about them, fuck ‘em. Share what you want on your blog.

Tumblr comments = Instagram comments

This one is self explanatory they are the same ooga booga

N e ways that’s a lot of words I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Love u Jo 💋.

I was done talking about this but you put so much thought and effort into this Dere I think it deserves to be addressed.

Especially the point you made that it can be so lonely on here sometimes and I think it’s hard when everyone already seems like they’re in their own little friendship groups and stuff. But like some of my closest friends on here are my friends because we reblogged each other’s fics and screamed in the tags!!

I think people tell themselves “oh that person won’t care if I send them an ask/message.” But it’s like they would, everyone would🥺💕

#jo talks

[traderdales]

Part two sweetheart let's tackle the next ask:

cleric - what magic items would you give the party or any individual character?

Now there's a lot of magic items in DnD so I'm just gonna set this limitation for myself

The DMG says that around 5th level, players might get their hands on a Rare magic item. This is pretty much always up to the DM anyways but I'm gonna stick to that.

With that being said, I'll be answering both parts of this question, I'm gonna assign magic items to each member to the best of my ability and also give one that the party as a whole might enjoy!

Fenix - Magic items for Fighters are pretty hard to choose since unless you're an Eldritch Knight you won't really be engaging with spells as often BUT that doesn't stop us! I considered the Boots of Levitation for Fenix, because seeing her float would be incredible I think. But, I think I found something even better:

Chromatic Rose Wondrous item, rare Source: The Wild Beyond The Witchlight (2021)

Basically this is rose that can have a variety of different colours, each one providing a harmless little effect as you hold it (things like crackling lightning and dripping acid). While you hold the rose, you're able to gain resistance to it's associated damage type, and it might even negate the damage entirely! You can also blow the petals to have a sort of breath weapon effect creating a cone of damage (areas of effect baby we love those!) that does 3d10!

The main downside is the roses do get destroyed after being used, but maybe Fenix could get her hand on a few of these?Either way it would suit her in a lovely way.

Daezonik - You run into a similar scary place with the rogue when it comes to magic items, so many options, especially if you aren't an Arcane Trickster! But let's try it. We've gotten to see some fun things from Daezonik in play so I'm taking some of that into account when I suggest:

Cape of the Mountebank Wondrous item, rare Source: Dungeon Master's Guide (2014)

Now what we discovered a while back was that Daezonik can glide (help?). That is an AMAZING movement option and so I wanted to add a lil' umph with some more movement. The cape gives the wearer the ability to cast Dimension Door once per dawn which is incredible! Imagine Daezonik teleporting up in the air and gliding onto enemies with an aerial sneak attack y'all it'd be wild just nghhhh ok let me calm down.

Veks - Oooooh a magic item for a warlock could be anything. We still don't have confirmation for his patron, so it leaves more options but a magic item for a caster is always exciting. I mean ok like, I think I'm really funny for this choice guys please laugh with me... So we all know Veks' relationship with Cauliflower right? Well-

Ring of the Ram Ring, rare (requires attunement) Source: Dungeon Master's Guide (2014)

So listen the ring has 3 charges and you can use those charges to summon a spectral ram's head and deal 2d10 damage by having that head ram into enemies. Please guys it would be so iconic I'm begging you annnnnddd there go all my followers.

Seth - Yeah, you know that's right, Seth is next! Our sweet silent paladin deserves a magic item too. Paladins are pretty damn versatile so they can find some use with a lot of different items, and I found something that might just compliment his style quite a bit.

Crystal Blade Weapon (any sword), rare (requires attunement) Source: Fizban's Treasury of Dragons (2021)

Seth has expressed how important that Greatsword of his is so this coul be given through an enchantment or something of the sort idk babygirl there's so many options! But the sword let's you add 1d8 radiant damage and you can spend a charge to regain some hit points equal to that extra radiant damage! The mf can live longer which is great for what is the closest thing this party has to a healer (christ almighty save these poor fuckers). The blade can also shed some light in a pretty good area!

Alto - Our local Air Genasi Ranger is the last party member we're giving a magic item too. He's got a lot going on with his characters power but I thought this item should be pretty fitting for him as well (but just know there's a lot of damn options I could see).

Eagle Whistle Wondrous item, rare Source: Tales from the Yawning Portal (2017)

This whistle has three uses. For each use you can blow the whistle continuously, and while blowing it you can fly at a speed equal to twice your walking speed! You can blow the whistle for a number of rounds equal to 5 + five times your damn Constitution modifier holy crap y'all. Alto has a surprisingly high CON score too so he could get a lot of use out of it. Air Genasi belong in the damn sky anyways!

Party - For this I tried to think of something that basically everyone could benefit from which is a bit hard, but there were a few options that I liked. Here's the one I settled on:

Deck of Illusions Wondrous item, uncommon Dungeon Master's Guide (2014)

It's a simple item in it's essence, a deck of cards that casts the illusion of a monster. It's an item that can be used for a long time in very creative ways and I trust that the Arcanenites would find many unexpected ways to utilize it's power.

That's all I've got! I hope you enjoyed my suggestions for this ask! I've got some more asks but I'll get to them tomorrow because time flies by when you look up every rare and uncommon magic item in dnd 5e believe it or not. Rest well!

#we love magic in a fantasy setting #but also give them a deck of many things go for it #also idk if this got less coherent over time it's... 3am #arcanenites

[treatbuckywkisses]

so much is happening i want to scream:(

the way my job gives me so much anxiety it's not even funny. that place is a fucking disaster. i get told im going to be part time and im out here working 40hrs a week, and i dont even get my second break usually like im supposed to. there aren't enough people in the department i work in and they pull people from it for other departments anyway. one of our team leads basically told us all our sections looked like shit tonight and he was going to walk us though it and make us tell him everything we did wrong. i was stuck somewhere else for most of my shift and couldn't work on my section, so when i tell you i was so scared dude you don't even fucking know lmao i literally cried because I'm still new and i didn't want them to think i did a bad job or im not cut out for it or whatever. and he never even showed up. he said it to "scare us into doing our work" and im so mad about it. i almost threw up for that ??

im so fucking tired and dehydrated and it's so hot in there i barely even eat on my lunch break and when i get home after my 8hr shift. i can't tell if im losing weight (unhealthy obvi) or if i have looked like this and didn't know lol so i just try not to look at myself if i can help it bc what.

i never really know what i look like, but when i do, it's ugly and i hate it.

also im working on moving into an apartment (i say 'me' but im not alone sgsksh) idk living is hard yk it's a lot and it's stupid and where my stuff is im not even staying bc sarah is a fucking bitch for no reason and i will hurt her feelings if she looks at me so yeah there's like so much shit happening and I'm so overwhelmed like hello i can actually only do so much pls why

anyways i am really tired and i want to cry and sleep forever and ever:( is this what happens when you keep things 'bottled up' lol

omg also? i haven't gotten my period yet like since April and im 🥴🤨 bc where is she yk and then im like babe you're literally a ball of fucking stress and anxiety please take a Xanax but back to stress im so worried i will get my period on my 8hr shift with nothing and i don't drive myself so that is like extra fun yk wow

the way i have never talked so much and i do it like this where nobody will read it sgskdgd this is who i am as a person irl though so congrats if u read this ig hello

also since I'm fucking word vomiting i guess and ive already come to terms with how nobody will read this, i hate this place. like tumblr i mean. idk it just like sucks to feel like you deserve more than you get yk and i actually am allowed to say that. my moodboards do not do nearly as good as i would like to think they would when i make them and it sucks. because believe it or not i start out thinking they're so pretty and the lack of interaction makes me doubt my own abilities and i hate that. and how I have so many "followers" with the amount of notes i get LOL what a joke actually. especially when they're also content creators. why are you even following me then yk like i only provide one thing and you don't even seem to like it so what are you doing here. it's annoying honestly. how can a content creator be the one not giving support. smh.

i think i need to go to sleep bc idk what i just said and if anyone reads this i feel like ppl will be mad at me so that's where I'm at lolllllll i h8 myself <3

#fayth using her blog as a diary #but fr this time #this is a diary entry #oops #tw body image #?? #body dysmorphia tw #kinda but I'm tagging it just to be safe ? #does that make sense #me asking like anyone will read this anyways LMAO #im too funny sometimes #will prob delete #again not like anyone will read it #so im out here talking to myself #lol #fayth rambles #ignore me #long post #actual bullshit nonsense

[jimmycartersufo]

this is me having the Tuesday foh museum employee version of Sunday scaries. I love using tumblr as a sort of diary right now especially when writing my hand causes pain!

the last two weeks of work have been especially rough and this week I have some tough stuff to get through that I'm nervous about but it'll be OK. I just struggled with the unknown. time always moves too quickly this time of year and I'm desperate to hold on to my days off because I am so burnt out. the problem is when you're in between those biweekly checks and you're broke as hell but also it's been pouring down rain. I can't help but feel bad and guilty when I do nothing. I didn't do just nothing, I took care of my mom today and I've rested a lot but it still feels weird and bad.

I'm almost back to being in the green for my sick time. I used up all my sick time and my boss had payroll give me negative sick time which was a life saver. I miss my boss so much. everything has gone to shit without her. but she deserves so much better. clearly. anyway, in a couple weeks I'll start to see actual sick time build up again. and on July 1 I'll get more pto 🤡 but thankfully at least Juneteenth falls on a Wednesday so we will have a three day weekend. The museum won't pay it's workers more or respect their security dept (which is historically and systematically Black) but they will do land acknowledgements if they happen to put up a work by a Native person (aka no permanent land acknowledgement lol) and they'll give us Juneteenth off with pay. oh and back of house gets more pto than foh but I'm not here to list alllllll of my complaints rn. but we as a team are counting down the days so we can have a three day weekend. like yeah holiday pay on a day we already have off (every gov holiday that falls on a Monday) but would rather have a floating holiday for more pto. abyway I should hopefully have some sick time built up in a couple months to take a day off for rest.

falling behind on chores again. desp need to spring clean dust because ofc I have to be a maximalist autistic. still need to wash my beach combing finds from a few weeks ago. still need to hang stuff up. the most I can do is pick up a little. do a load of laundry but share the labor with my husband because we don't have the capacity for either or alone. do dishes maybe. make breakfast, lunch, and John makes dinner. take care of mom which is hard sometimes but more than anythjng it has to be done and I can trick my brain into not being an asshole about it. make the bed but in a more "lazy" way. take care of myself and stick to my barely there routine. medicine with alarms, brush teeth, set out the clothes I want to wear at least a day ahead but two days if possible. shower when it's been too long. lotion on my face and my arms and my legs if I can tolerate it. drink water. try and keep my salt levels up. stretches even if it's in bed. my daily puzzles. learn something new (read an article and or a wiki page).

at least tomorrow we get paid. I have to save money for when we go to an Orioles game soon. need to figure out when and how and where we are viewing the eclipse. grocery shopping. taking care of mom if dad is working late/in traffic. look over what bills are do this check. thankfully we get paid I think three times this month? JK it's may we get three paychecks but thankfully I get paid the week of my mom's birthday!!!!!!

I work on late shift this month. bad because no extra money but good because I am so fucking exhausted. I'm basically a sorta manager without all the manager roles and Def not the pay. but that's basically what I am now. thinking about it makes me sick. I goofed up somewhere to end up here with this responsibility. but also it was happenstance. I understand that. and that I have been masking so well for so long.

it's autism awareness day. I am autistic. I am finally feeling right with that. it's been over a year now, and I've spent that time reflecting on my life and the way I am. I was lucky that my sister has been in programs and I basically knew a guy that knew a guy that knew a guy. but I don't have like, a therapist or anthring to guide me through the realities of hey you're autistic and this is why you think and do xyz. I wish I listened to autistic friends years ago that said hey you're autistic and I was like no not me, I don't do this thing but the thing is a lot of those things I didn't think I did I literally did not understand the questioning which is funny. I can't really think of a good example but like you read a question like do you struggle to make eye contact and irs like yes but only in certain circumstances like when I don't know someone but you don't have the way to answer with nuances so you just say no. not the best example but it's like that. what's so interesting about being diagnosed late is you start to kind a breakdown the safety nets of masking and then it seems like you're faking because you're doing all this stuff not in private anymore, like you're regressing or something and it's like no I was just playing a role.

today for dinner I had chicken nuggets and heinz pickle ketchup and we watched a video about being in wdw on 9/11 and I was like oh

rigut now I'm trying to follow my night routine but I'm so anxious to sleep. I did sleep in really late today after sleeping poorly and then getting up to take care of mom in the morning. I woke up just before noon after going back to bed about nine???? so I'm not very tired. I'm going to go figure out my lunch for tomorrow so I don't worry about it in the am and then I'm going to check the laundry and if it's dry enough get my favorite pair of undies (tomboyx boy shorts) and my favorite pants (green!!) and find a top and then make the bed comfy and then I'm gonna use my new neck massager even though I've probably used it too much today and I hope to find a nice wiki article to read :)))))))