#but I can dream Shiki as herself can finally see the light of day for once

[altorav]

What if Shiki makes a cameo on Reynatis as a shopkeeper at their 104 🤔

#i feel like Shoka is more likely #her cameo can be used as a joke that there is a character who looks like her there #plus she's the GN poster child and all #but I can dream Shiki as herself can finally see the light of day for once #twewy #reynatis #shiki misaki #marin kirizumi #mine #shitpost #the world ends with you

[eliegloryofficial]

Here When You Wake

Summary:  Though they might have saved World 30, the events of World 29 continue to haunt Rebecca.

Fandom and Pairing(s): Edens Zero, Rebecca / Shiki Granbell.

Links: ao3 | ff.net

Rebecca had been plagued by bad dreams for as long as she could remember. Growing up on the streets hadn’t exactly gifted her with the greatest childhood, of course. She had struggled to survive and were it not for the kindness of others, she might not have.

That was what she had always thought, of course. Now, she didn’t know which were bad dreams.

Master Noah had said she had subconsciously used Cat Leap twenty-nine different times. Twenty-nine different times she should have died. When Master Noah first explained it to her, Rebecca hadn’t given herself much time to fully process what exactly that meant. There were too many other things happening for her to stop and consider the implications of what he told her.

After the battle was over, however, it was impossible to ignore. She laid in her bed on the ship and stared out the windows to the stars and wondered how many of her bad dreams were a different life she’d lost. The accident that killed Happy was one, that much she knew. Rebecca had suffered through so many bad dreams throughout her short life - it would be impossible to determine which ones were actual dreams and which ones weren’t. Master Noah could potentially have helped, if he had really been watching her all this time, but the thought of asking him felt ridiculous.

She was a big girl, she could handle a little uncertainty. But that first night after defeating Drakken Joe, Rebecca found herself unable to sleep. All she could seem to do was stare up at the ceiling and let her thoughts run rampant. Flashes of world twenty-nine kept playing in her mind, reminding her over and over again how powerless she was at times.

The next day, Rebecca managed to convince her friends that she had slept just fine. Hid the dark circles around her eyes with make-up and forced herself to smile and act like nothing had happened.

At night, however, she found herself troubled with questions about Cat Leap - if this was world thirty, what happened to world twenty-nine? Or all the other worlds before it? Was her Ether Gear somehow creating alternate timelines with every jump? Was there still a world, then, without Shiki? The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth, and Rebecca knew that if she dared attempt, all she’d see was his demise repeated like a bad movie reel.

So she stayed awake. Busied herself with video games and caffeine. Pretending it didn’t happen was harder the next day, but she powered through. The last thing she wanted was for her friends to continue worrying about her any more than they already were. She’d baffled them enough with her questions about Mr. Connor. If they found out she wasn’t sleeping, they might get the wrong idea. Once or twice, she caught herself drifting off during a quiet lull here and there, but nothing quite like what she needed.

The third night, Rebecca couldn’t force herself to stay awake any longer. The sleep that came to her, however, was restless and anything but peaceful. She tossed and turned so much throughout the night that when the wake-up call sounded, she felt worse than she had the day before.

In the kitchen that morning, when Shiki got close enough to notice her bloodshot eyes and asked if she slept well, she told him she stayed up too late editing a video. He frowned, dark eyes watching her carefully for a second before she turned away first. Rebecca could feel his eyes continuing to watch her, expression plain as day as she tried to ignore him. If the others noticed anything, they chose not to question why he spent the entire meal staring at her or why she, in turn, refused to look in his direction.

After the meal, Rebecca found herself aimlessly wandering the ship. Three nights without a decent night of rest had done its toll, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she would be able to go on like this. She didn't want to try taking a bath in case she accidentally passed out, she couldn't focus well enough to play a video game, and she certainly didn’t want to risk spending time with her companions lest they notice she was struggling with something.

Bad dreams plagued her nighttime thoughts and rattled her dreams so harshly that sleep just didn’t seem possible anymore. Going without sleep for too long was dangerous, and it would only be a matter of time before everyone else started noticing. But what choice did she have?

As it was, she was fortunate that Sister Ivie was distracted with Kleene’s strange condition and hadn’t had time to give her a good look yet. Who knew how much longer that could go on. Shiki wasn’t well known for his subtleties, after all, and it was a wonder he hadn’t pushed the issue more at breakfast. For now, she would count herself fortunate and hope for the best this evening.

That was the plan, at any rate. However, just as she was shuffling her way through a corridor, something warm gently grabbed her hand. “Rebecca?”

She slowly turned, seeing Shiki next to her with a worried look on his face. “Hey, Shiki,” she said softly, rubbing at her eyes. “What’re you doing here?”

“You’re right outside my bedroom,” he replied, his frown deepening a little. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Rebecca mumbled, nodding. “I’ve never been better.” Even if she hadn’t been mildly sleep deprived, she knew her words would never have convinced him. For as dense as he was, her companion seemed to pick up on her every mood shift. He knew her well, even though they had only met a short while ago.

His hand still gripping hers, Shiki suddenly gave her arm a tug as he started moving. “Come on,” he said softly. Rebecca opened her mouth to ask where he was taking her, but the words didn’t want to form properly so all that came out was a sort of groan. It didn’t help her case any, and she knew it.

To her surprise, Shiki led her into his own personal bedroom, releasing her hand only briefly so he could dim the lights. “What’s happenin’?” Rebecca asked, rubbing her eyes again. He grabbed her hand again and pulled her along silently, stopping just by the bed.

“You look like you could use a nap,” he explained, gesturing towards it. Rebecca glanced down at the bed for a second before looking back at him, a slight blush coming to her face.

“Shiki, I’m fine,” she insisted, taking a step back. “Really. I’ve just been working on some videos.”

He crossed his arms against his chest. “Happy said you guys haven’t recorded any videos in a long time,” he told her. His voice was even, but the hurt was still there, permeating his words. Rebecca glanced away, reaching up to rub at her elbow. He must have been more worried than she realized to speak to Happy. “Rebecca, what’s wrong?”

When she looked up again, he had stepped closer. For a second, she debated on whether to continue insisting things were fine, but how could she ever hope to lie to him again? “I haven’t been sleeping well,” Rebecca admitted with a sigh. “I can’t stop thinking about all the other times I must have used Cat Leap, how many other bad dreams got written off as a nightmare when they were actually times I should have died.” Her voice came out weaker than she would have liked, tears already settling in the corner of her eyes. “There’s so much I don’t know about these powers.”

Gently, Shiki reached up and placed his hands on her elbows. He said nothing, and after a second, she continued. “I’m afraid that if I sleep, I’ll just keep seeing all the bad things from world twenty-nine. And I…I would rather never sleep again than watch you die.”

Tears spilled from her eyes before she could stop them, and Shiki’s embrace wasn’t far behind. He held her gently, offering her the support she had been denying herself for days. “I’m right here,” he said after a moment, keeping his arms wrapped around her. “All your friends are right here, remember?”

“I remember.” Rebecca closed her eyes and let herself relax a little into his hug. This wasn’t like him, but she appreciated the gesture all the same. “I remember.”

He pulled away a little, signature grin already halfway across his face. “Good!” he told her. “See? No reason to keep crying.” Rebecca allowed herself a small smile, reaching up to wipe the few tears away from her cheeks. “Will you please take a nap now?”

“A nap sounds nice,” she admitted. He grinned a little wider, and fully released her so she could get into bed. Once she was settled, he offered her one more grin and turned to leave. “W-wait.”

Shiki stopped. Rebecca had pulled the covers up over her mouth and nose, and all that could be seen of her forehead was painted red. She couldn’t explain why, exactly, but…

“Will you stay with me?”

The words were soft, uncertain, and Rebecca almost retracted them. But something compelled her to ask, some great fear that if she was left on her own, the nightmares would simply return and his act of kindness would ultimately help nothing. If Shiki was here with her, then maybe things would be better.

Totally, definitely, absolutely not because she liked it when he comforted her.

For a few seconds, he simply stood a few feet away as if he was trying to understand what she meant. Then, finally, a soft smile took the place of his confused frown and he moved to join her. Staying above the covers, he laid down next to her on his side, watching her carefully. “I’ll be right here, so you can rest easy,” he said softly. Rebecca closed her eyes, nodding once. For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, she drifted off into a peaceful sleep, half nestled in her friends arms as he watched over her, ready to fight back any bad dreams that dared to interrupt her.

It was the best nap Rebecca had ever taken.

#edens zero #rebecca #shiki granbell #shicca #elieglorywriting #fluff #bed sharing #one-shot

[inugamibeyi]

I actually loooove Kemono Jihen (I'm an anime only) and I wanted to show my love to this adorable squad 🥺

And also How Inugami Could wreck me and I'd thank him.

I'd like to create myself an oc and I couldn't decide which Kemono I should base her on until I realised... That it didn't had to be a japanese Kemono ! (Or I don't think so ?? Correct me if I'm wrong !) So I choose to make a mermaid !

I'll draw her as soon as I Can but here's a few things that happened when Inugami met my dear mermaid : Alma Ievanov !

Alma is now 28 and was born on March 11th in the Waters that are between Japan and Russia, deep in the North. Even if we can't really explain mermaids' origins, Alma looks a lot like the people from nothern east Asia.

Her skin is dark, her hair is thick, black and curly and her eyes are long, slim. The only thing that doesn't match with the typical nothern asian tribes is her eyes, that are deep and blue. She has a few tribal marks on her neck, collarbones and shoulders.

Alma is percieved as very beautiful, but also very singular. She isn't the typical japanese Beauty, with fair skin and shiny straight hair... But people are according on the fact that Alma is captivating.

Under her original form, Alma is 230cm, as a Human, she's 162cm !

As a mermaid, her powers results in creating illusion and spirit manipulation through her voice, shapeshifting and healing, mermaids' tears being famous for healing even the worst injuries and keeping the person who drinks them young and healthy.

Mermaids' powers aren't as effectives and useful in a fight as Shiki's or Kabane's, but they're making great supports and their powers Can Help the group to get informations, manipulate memories to prevent Kemonos from being on display, so unlike our trio, Alma stays behind and make sure to Help them by gaining informations and healing.

Despites her former fear for the Human race, Alma learned from them and realised that not all of them were Bad, leading to her joining the Inugami Office... But it took him long enough to achieve this :

When Alma was 14, she was captured and separated from her family by a wealthy japanese man named Tachibana. The first thing she saw from the Human World was a selfish man, who took her away from her family despite her cries from freedom and begging for mercy, which he neither listened nor understood, as she begged in russian.

After that, only a few minutes After that, she saw Tachibana killing his two accomplices and leaving their bodies drowning in the water as he was taking her away from everything she knew.

After that, Alma was kept captive in Tachibana's mansion, deep in Hokkaido, for Years. She lived in his mansion, swimming in a pool. What seems weird about it is that Tachibana was treating her with love : he was letting her eat, read, educating herself, which allowed her to get a lot of knowledges about the Human World, especially in History, art, languages...

But she knew that the day she said "no" to him, it was over for her. She tried. And it only brought her to get her hair pulled as she was Getting hit by Tachibana.

She tried to sing to enchant him... But it Never worked. Because she had the misfortune to fall on someone that neither felt love nor attraction to anybody but himself. It worked on everyone. On everyone but the person she needed.

And even if it did... What was the point ? She couldn't run. Or she didn't want to try, she was afraid that the second Tachibana realised that she could turn Into a Human, he would use her in the most disgusting ways. He already threaten to force himself on her mouth if she wasn't obedient enough.

She realised at 14 y.o. that she was trapped. She could only sing her sorrow and pain. And any person that was near the mansion could hear a voice so beautiful, yet so sad, so desperate, that They couldn't Help but cry. It was as if, in a small instant, the second they Heard that voice, They were feeling all the pain and sadness that Alma was experiencing for Years. It left them crying for hours, sometimes days...

A urban legend was born from Alma's voice : "The Melody of the sorrowed lovers", saying it was a woman that was waiting for her lover, Dead at War, to Come back to her. She would sing her pain, she would sing her sorrow, letting whoever Heard her voice share her feelings.

Tachibana did his best to hide Alma from everyone. After all, he Wouldn't give up on something that was allowing him to stay young and healthy. But that was What betrayed him.

A man being almost 50 can't keep on looking as if he was 30 without Getting suspicious. Especially when his wrinkles miraculously disappeared.

That sudden youth and the Sorrowed Lovers' legend were enough for a certain blond man to get curious and fly to Hokkaido to see for himself.

When it happened, Alma was 22. Already 8 Years had passed. 8 Years of fear, loniless and pain.

She got very curious when she Heard the window Getting break. When she looked, she saw a small animal that she Never saw before, near the pool. It was watching her quietly, sat down.

At first, Alma was very curious, but also excited : a New Friend ! She Never saw that animal before...

" Aren't you one cute boy... Did you get Lost ? I know How it feels : I got Lost too..."

At this Time, Alma was so desperate to have Anyone to talk to, besides Tachibana, that she could've talk to anything. Anyone. She just didn't want to be alone anymore :

" Well... I didn't got Lost... Tachibana brought me here but... I don't want to be here anymore. I wish I could go back to my family but... There's no point. They probably forgot me... "

When Inugami Heard that girl, that small woman, who was Getting detained here for Years... He couldn't Help but feel sad for her. No one deserves this.

" Where do you Come from, small furrball ? Me, I Come from Russia ! Well... I think I do ! I'm Alma Ievanov ! I'm a mermaid and- oh... Your paw... You're bleeding... Did you do it when you broke the window ?"

Ah. Shit. He didn't realised it. His paw was, Indeed, bleeding. It was the least of his concerns, knowing the fact that for the first Time of his life, he was seeing a mermaid. He couldn't Help but hide his eyes when he saw Alma sitting down on the edge of the pool, leading him to see the upper half of her naked body. And when he felt her take him and sit him on What he guessed was her knees, he apologised to every god he knew for unintentionally seeing the naked body of a woman who didn't want to show anything.

" Here... That's why Tachibana is keeping me. "

He saw her pick a tear that came from her eyes way too naturally. And the second her tear touched his wound... It was gone. Her powers could unfortunately lead to Kemonos' exposure if Tachibana every decided to make money from it. She couldn't stay here.

" Young girl... Don't Scream Please.

- Hm ? Animals aren't supposed to... Speak ?"

As she said those words, he jumped from her knees and... What's that light and... Oh... Oh gods !

Alma threw her hands on her mouth to prevent her screams of fear, as a man was now standing in front of her. She was terrified. She felt herself shaking as she looked him. Was he gonna hurt her...?

" I'm Inugami Kohachi. I'm not a human... "

She felt relieved. He wasn't going to hurt her.

" I'm a detective and I took interest in the story of the voice that made people cry everytime They Heard it. Turns out you have all the reason to cry.

- Are... Are you gonna hurt me too...?

- No. But I Can take you away. If you want me to-

- Please do ! Please do... I can't stay here anymore ! I'll do anything to escape that place... Please... Take me with you... Please... "

As she was begging him, for the first time, she felt herself crying... From Hope. From happiness.

" I'll need you to turn Into a Human. Can you do that ? "

Without asking questions, Alma did, too happy to finally escape to realise that her bare body was embarassing her savior. Well... She was pretty. But he'll cover her in his long coat.

" Can you walk ?

- Yes sir, I Can.

- Call me Inugami, that's fine.

- Yes Inugami.

- Let's escape by the window before that man Comes back. My car is parked near there. "

During the whole Time she was running to the car, Alma was so happy. She was outside. She was escaping. It seemed to good to be true. It must be a dream but... The leather of the car... The smell of his coat... The sounds of the road as he was driving :

" So... Alma... What do you want to do ?

- Me ?

- Yes. You. Do you want to go back to your family...? "

They probably forgot her.

" No... I don't know... I have nowhere to go now...

- Then... Do you wanna work with me ? It ain't much, but it's work.

- ... The way I helped Tachibana or...?

- No. You'll Help me to Help Other people like us.

- Other people like us... "

She looked by the window. Inugami was her savior... She wanted to Help him to do the same with Other people in need. She couldn't find back her family, but she could prevent this to happen to Other people.

" I'll work with you...

- Welcome to the Inugami detective office then, Alma. You're the first employee !"

It was the begining of a New life for Alma. And They Say that the cry that Tachibana left out when he saw Alma gone was Heard in the whole Hokkaido.

_---------_

Since that day, six Years had passed. The Inugami Office gained New recruits : Mihai, Akira, then Shiki and finally... Kabane.

Alma has Never been so happy : she's useful. She's surrounded by people who care about her and she cares about.

And sometimes when Inugami and her look at each Other, They can't Help but heavily blush and look away, making them gain few reactions from the kids.

Akira hoping they'll confess. Shiki teasing them. Kabane asking her questions about love.

"Alma, why Inugami ?

- Ah... Well... Sometimes... Meeting a person opens you to a whole New World. I think that's him to me."

She was happy. She was so happy.

#kemono jihen #inugami kohachi #kemono jihen smut #kemono incidents #kohachi inugami #inugami x oc #the kemono squad now has a mom #kemono jihen oc

[oveliagirlhaditright]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26073844

Neku and Shiki have a moment, after they comfort Beat in the hospital with Neku's presence: as he'd sort of just given up on living when he saw his best friend die:( Post-A New Day.

For NeShiki Day:)

The Rising Sun

Shiki walked into the hospital, not quite knowing what to expect. After she'd found out Neku had died and was in the Game again—when he hadn't shown up to their shopping date like he was supposed to—she had imagined that when he came back (and she hadn't allowed herself to think "if" he came back), Neku would be in the hospital, since Shiki hadn't imagined he'd come back from a fourth Game completely unscathed for some reason (though she'd hoped he would).

But Neku had come back perfectly fine, and it was Beat who was in the hospitalized. After Beat had watched Neku die again, he'd just become... lifeless. And had had to be admitted, as he hadn’t been eating and drinking on his own.

But now that Neku was back, Shiki was praying that seeing him would give Beat the will to trust in this life again.

So, Shiki was walking to Beat's room now, with Neku right behind her—past the far too white walls, and the smell of bleach when a janitor walked by—so she could prepare Beat for Neku's visit. Since they didn't want the poor guy having a heart attack in seeing Neku so out of the blue, even though it was a miracle.

Shiki was at Beat's room now; and she saw him in bed, sitting up to eat—which was certainly a good thing—and he smiled slightly when he saw her. "Yo, Shik. Thanks for stoppin' by. I ate half a burger today, an' the doc said I can go home if I keep it up. Ain’t that great?"

“Beat,” Shiki started, for some reason awkwardly teetering on her feet here, and once again becoming the unconfident girl that Neku had had to speak some hard truths into during Week One. “Neku’s alive. And he’s right behind me, actually, and going to come in to see you right now! And Rhyme told me to tell you she’ll be here as soon as she gets out of school!”

And needing no further introduction than that, Neku walked into room three-oh-four and waved at him. “Hey, man... I’m sorry for having scared you like that. Another girl, a bit like Josh, annoyingly needed me to play the Game again, if you can believe it. But I made sure that I’d win again… and I’m back.”

And not even caring about all the countless things he was connected to, Beat ripped all of the electronic cords off of himself and ran to Neku. And the skateboarder threw his arms around his best friend’s shoulders and sobbed.

Shiki saw outside the window then, that the sun was now rising high into the sky… and she hoped that such a thing would be indicative of Beat’s life now. But she was sure that it would be.

…

Later—after Beat had been released from the hospital that day, when the doctors had seen the light return to his eyes—Shiki and Neku decided to get some hospital food before leaving themselves. And as they were there eating the worst food that the two of them somehow liked, they had the following conversation.

“I’m glad Beat’s okay now, Neku. Besides Rhyme… I get the sense that you’re one of the only good things in his life. So, I can understand why losing you took such a toll on him, when he saw you shot like that… But do you think I should have behaved in such a way?”

And to say that Neku gave Shiki a look, at that self-loathing comment of hers, as he stabbed a few French fries into his ketchup, would have been an understatement. “Don’t be ridiculous, Stalker. The last thing I would have needed, was both of my best friends dying here while I was trying not to die in the UG. You stayed alive, and helped Beat do the same, and that’s exactly what I would have wanted from you. It’s even what I hoped you’d be doing last time, before those assholes decided to use you as my Entry Fee.”

And it was ridiculous that such a compliment from Neku—that was really just stating facts, and Neku having just wanted one of his friends to keep it together some, since even Rhyme had slightly fallen apart—could render Shiki into a blushing and stammering mess. But it did.

So—trying to hide behind her chicken wrap, while she still flushed—Shiki just said, “Th-thanks, Neku,” before trying to dip said sandwich in some Ranch Dressing, when she deemed it was safe to look at him again.

“Of course, Shiki.” And here, Neku reached across the table and took Shiki’s hand in his own… or she had thought he was trying to do that, anyway, but instead it seemed he was trying to give her his own thing of Ranch, since she was having trouble opening her own. It was still sweet, either way. “But if you really think you should do something for me, for not having sobbed at my absence… after we go to the movies with Beat and Rhyme—and maybe even Josh, if I can get him to take his head out of his ass for five seconds—“…I wouldn’t mind finally going on our shopping date.”

And it was at this point, that Neku seemed to admit the Ranch thing had just been a ruse to hold her hand, as he threw the condiment away from them and just laid his hand atop hers.

And Shiki closed her eyes in bliss and tried not to cry, as the months without Neku finally started to hit her hard. How glad she was, that they were finally over.

“I’ll do you one better than that. I’ll take you to a store that’s going to sell some of Eri and my designs now… you missed some things while you were gone, Neku.”

And one of those things, was how bold she now was when he was a constant presence in her life. She wasn’t afraid of trying to follow her dreams anymore, and it was all because of his belief in her.

And while Shiki would later tell Eri, it could have been either of them that stood up in their seat and lightly kissed the other on the lips just then… it was Shiki having done that to Neku, as he whispered a new sweet nickname against her chin “Chic”.

#neshiki #fanfiction #Shanna writes #mine #my writing #my work #twewy #neshiki day #neshiki day 2020 #neku sakuraba #shiki misaki #daisukenojo bito #oneshot #canon #canon compliant #post-a new day #Neku and beat friendship #shiki and beat friendship #twewy spoilers

[cutiebeams]

Hello TWEWY fandom, it's meta time.

TWEWY is filled to the brim with symbolism and hidden meanings, as we all know. Even the partners and their colors when they sync with Neku; I realized, have some depth, and I'm going to articulate my thoughts on it. This is going to be long, so get cozy. 

Shiki

Let's start with the first partner we get. Her theme's red, and Neku's is blue. Before we even delve into this analysis, let's unpack the general symbolism of the colors themselves, because that is important as well.

Red: passion, love, anger, energy, courage

Blue: trust, loyalty, wisdom, intelligence, stability

These two colors are essentially on the opposing sides of the color wheel as well; the only shade darker than blue is purple (which is Neku's theme of his attire but that's not important rn stay with me fellas)

Red & blue are portrayed as opposites in a plethora of media and this is no exception: Shiki is the extroversion to Neku's introversion, the pathos to his logos, bubbly and chipper vs his stoic and reserved demeanor. Neku is outwardly hateful (towards other people and his circumstances), and Shiki is inwardly hateful (she hates herself to the point she doesn't think there's anything special about her)

As expected, they clash vehemently at first. Neku is extremely irritated by Shiki's energy and she is frustrated with how aloof and mean he can be. But as they get to know each other, they become like yin and yang; and Shiki's kinder qualities begin to rub off on Neku which he exhibits in the following weeks. Red is often symbolic of love; and Shiki shows a lot of it: she's very friendly and amiable, sympathizing with total strangers and getting along with almost everyone; but she's pretty feisty too- she gets visibly upset when Neku ignores her and makes himself difficult and she's not afraid to call him out (and she DOES, quite a few times). However, she is still overall kind to him, even when he's prickly; trying her best to be patient with him and her gentleness eventually wins him over.. eventually. 

When confronted with an issue, Shiki seems to lean towards the emotional aspects of the matter, such as when Ai and Mina were at odds, she hesitated to bring the truth to light because she didn't want to jeopardize their friendship and emotional wellbeing; in contrast to Neku who wanted the truth to be brought to light as soon as possible because he felt that lying was wrong and it needed to be addressed sooner, rather than later, or things would just get worse. Or when 777 couldn't find his tech, Shiki listened to him vent out of sympathy while Neku agreed to help because of the logical results it'd bring- 

Shiki is also very outwardly emotional: she's very chirpy but she also isn't afraid to openly express her sorrow, anger, or fear, and sometimes she gets overcome by her emotions. But for the most part, she exhibits high emotional intelligence and understanding of other's feelings; and she's essentially the group's moral support: she's one of the most verbal about being sure that they'll make it back and that they all need to work together. Shiki is also extremely passionate; about other people, about the things she creates, it spills into virtually every aspect of her life.

The sad thing though, is that Shiki seems to love everybody but herself, and we see tiny glimpses of this in her small moments of passiveness (such as telling Neku he doesn't have to shout when he snaps at her) On the flip side, Neku's blunt honesty gives Shiki the inner strength to not only face her self-hatred; but overcome it. And that brings me to Shiki's other color: green. You can see it in her stickers + it's her nickname in Another Day. 

Green: nature, rebirth, growth, harmony, healing

I believe that this choice is two-fold: green also symbolizes envy and jealousy and this is something that Shiki's character battles with. She wants to be like Eri- beautiful, smart, charismatic; to the point she even tells Neku that she emulated Eri's personality at first because she was so excited to be in her body. But she then realized that she wasn't Eri, and would never be; nor did she ever want to be. What Shiki truly wanted was to love herself: and that's what her character arc encapsulates; a journey of self-acceptance and self-love. 

When we finally get to see real game Shiki, she's wearing green because she's a new person, hence the themes of rebirth and harmony: she's confident and happy in who she is; and so the green changes from the negative connotations of jealousy and envy to the positives of steadiness and self-harmony. There's also healing, for both her and Neku: she helped him to open up emotionally and become gentler, and he helped her accept herself. We don't get to see her face because it doesn't really matter: as Neku himself said, "You'll always be Shiki." It's her character that is important, not her appearance. Green is also red's complementary color, and we see that rather than doing a complete 180 in personality, Shiki just gets a little milder. She's not quite as bubbly, but a lot of her passion is still there, it's just gentler. 

In short, Shiki is Neku's opposite. They're like night and day: completely different, but inseparable. 

Let's talk about Neku a while now, shall we? His color choice seems contradictory given his personality when we meet him: he is extremely distrusting, volatile and aloof. The thing is though, Neku's arc is also about growth and while he does not exhibit any of the traits of his color scheme at first; during the entirety of the game, he regains himself. Neku's character is about relearning how to trust people and not being afraid to be open and accept different points of view and values- and that diversity is good and healthy! During his first week with Shiki, we get very small glimpses of how emotional Neku actually is, particularly through inner monologue. 

When Rhyme is erased, he's distraught (his thoughts tell us he feels awful) but he masks it with blunt logic ("Because we couldn't. That's how it was meant to be"), perhaps to avoid showing vulnerability, even declaring teaming up is a dumb idea- because people get hurt and there are situations where there's nothing you can do about it. Neku's rant when Shiki declares that Beat and Rhyme were their friends takes us right into his psyche:

"Who needs friends?! They just laugh and talk like idiots and pretend to agree with you- so you end up caring about them….exposing yourself...getting HURT..Screw it! We're better off without them! You want other people getting in your way? Dragging you down? I don't!"

And suddenly, Neku's prickliness makes sense- he views attachment as painful and vulnerability as a risk, and so he vehemently avoids them. He's mean because he's hurting and he's sad: and how fitting, as one of the negative connotations for blue is sorrow and grief. Remember how I said Neku didn't exhibit any traits of blue? Well, that was specifically for the positive ones. 

Negative symbolism of blue: coldness, aloofness, lack of emotion, unfriendliness, sorrow

And that's Neku to a tee: at first, anyway. While his behavior is not justifiable, it is understandable.

When Shiki snaps at him and tells him that he's inhuman Neku doesn't show any outward response during the actual conflict, but the next day when she apologizes his sprite changes to the "sad turtle" and we get to see his thoughts again:

That I was no better than a Reaper…

Rhyme…

……………

Well...right now…

Neku proceeds to tell Shiki that they need to focus on the mission, and she agrees. While he isn't being especially friendly with her, it's leaps and bounds from his initial open hostility: he's more willing to work with Shiki towards a common goal and one could argue this is when his paradigm shift begins- her comment rattled him a lot, and Neku makes baby steps to change. The daily mission (which involves helping two friends address a misunderstanding) gives us more development for him, too. At this point, he still doesn't think conflicting views and values are a good thing and that relationships only hold him back; and he voices to Shiki that he doesn't see the point of friendships built on falsehoods (which is an excellent point and one that she actually agrees with) and we get to see one of Neku's good qualities: he values truth and honesty a lot. 

She asks him if he truly thinks that people are better off without friends, and when he doesn't answer; Shiki talks about how meeting Eri made her want to be her best self (which is how ALL healthy relationships should be, whether platonic or romantic). She mourns Rhyme again, venting that it isn't fair she'll never know what dreams are like and this time, Neku doesn't deflect. He sympathizes, and for the first time since entering the game, allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable: 

"I know. I…. I'm sad too. We'll just have to live a little extra. For her sake."

From this point onward, Neku begins to grow positively, slowly but surely. He's not friends with Shiki yet, but he feels safe enough in her company to not only express sorrow but caring enough to encourage her to keep pressing forward; for Rhyme's sake. The next day Shiki is quiet and sad due to being confronted on her self-hatred, and Neku doesn't know how to deal with her lack of cheeriness. But instead of being annoyed with her like before, he's visibly concerned and wondering what's wrong; and he tries to engage with her as much as possible: asking for her viewpoint on the daily mission and what they should do, etc. When he learns the truth about Shiki's identity, Neku just listens patiently and afterwards, his monologue is much more positive and understanding:

All this time..she's been as confused as me.

He now realizes that she's just as scared and upset as he is and he empathizes with that, going even further to say that "I like you the way you are" when Shiki expresses fear in being brought back due to her underlying jealousy: he appreciates her, every aspect of her; not because she's perfect, but just for who she is. Later on when Shiki hesitates to scan Eri and runs away Neku gives her the push to do so: as said earlier, he values the truth, and he knows that Shiki needs to face it if she's going to improve as a person- and we see him beginning to exhibit his wisdom. He's not really gentle, but his honesty is needed. When Shiki begins comparing herself to Eri and self-deprecating, he intervenes, in his own way: 

"Oh, would you cut the crap? Who ARE you? You're you. You're not Eri. You'll never be Eri. You'll only ever be you."

Neku reiterates what Shiki told him earlier, about never wanting to be Eri, but he goes a step further. She only went as far as to say she wanted to love herself, but that she never could; while Neku asserts to her that being herself is absolute and unchangeable. Shiki mildly protests this though, saying that Eri is "so much better". To her, while she does value her identity the most, Eri's identity makes her feel inferior. She wants to be her own self, but Eri, in her eyes, is perfect, something that she cannot achieve. And that is why Neku's reply is so important.

"Forget her! You need to live your own life. If she can do it, so can you. All that matters is that you try. You're lucky you're jealous. It gives you something to shoot for. So..shoot."

Up to this point, Shiki has measured the worth of her identity based upon comparison to others, and Neku understands that and tells her upfront  that she needs to stop trying to be somebody that she isn't and be confident in her own self, and just do her best- and that'll be enough. He also encourages her to use her jealousy in a productive way, to find her niche; her drive. This gives Shiki the courage to go back and listen to what Eri has to say, and in doing this she hears her friend praise her positive traits, ones that Shiki herself most likely never even realized: her empathy and love for people, her eye for detail, her skill in creating things, her passion and motivation-

 ALL things, that according to Eri, "I don't have." And Shiki finally understands that Eri saw her as her equal and that who she is, is valued. Of course, a few positive reinforcements is not enough to do a 180 from most likely years of self-hatred, and so she asks Neku again if she's okay the way she is; and his reply shows yet more growth:

"Hey, Shibuya's got room for all types."

This is a STARK contrast to his dialogue when we first meet him- "All the world needs is me," "You have your values, and I have mine," etc. Neku valued his identity, but he took it to the extreme in that he ONLY valued his identity, values, and morals. After meeting Shiki though, his viewpoint changes a bit and at this point Neku now appreciates diversity- he's still not at the point that he feels he can understand other people, but he at least doesn't see conflict of morals as a bad thing anymore. And in turn, this gives Shiki the inner strength to want to go back to the RG and start afresh. He gives her one last push to go back when she hesitates since she was the only one granted a second chance, with the promise to see her again; and in just a week, Shiki goes from being the biggest pain in Neku's side to his biggest motivation for surviving the second game and one of his best friends.

Joshua

Another week, another partner.

What's interesting about Joshua is that he is also blue, just a lighter shade. While Shiki is Neku's opposite, Joshua is more akin to his shadow- a mirror, of sorts.

Light Blue: peace, serenity, ethereal, spiritual, infinity

Josh and Neku are extremely similar, but their personalities still converge at enough points that they're starkly different: their tempers especially are a separating point as Neku is much snappier than Joshua (especially if provoked), and despite Josh being represented by a lighter color, in a lot of ways, he symbolizes his partner's negative traits in even more extreme ways in a subversion to expectations; a "darker" version of him, in a sense. 

When they first meet, these two also clash, but for entirely different reasons. Joshua's attitude, as well as his dodginess, pisses Neku off immensely. While his first week with Shiki is about relearning how to build trust, his second week is a test of said trust by giving him a partner very similar to his former self: distant, aloof, uncaring. It gets especially tricky when Neku scans Joshua and sees himself dead, and he begins to distance himself again; deciding that there is no way that he can trust him- and not only that, but that it'd be ridiculous to do so. Neku senses something is off: he doesn't know what it is, but it unsettles him enough that he is steadfast in his decision to keep Josh at arm's length.

...Until he and Josh visit Mr. Hanekoma, and upon learning that his teammate and Mr. H are acquainted, Neku decides that perhaps Joshua isn't as bad as he initially thought: but he's still pretty hesitant; and understandably so. Mr. H gives him some backstory of his partner, and his motives start to come to light - turns out, Joshua has been able to see the game while living, and that alienated him from other people since Hanekoma was the only one he could confide in. Just like with Neku, this doesn't justify his behavior, but it does make it understandable: Josh pushes away people by playfully antagonizing them and making himself difficult, and Neku pushes them away through hostility. 

When he and Josh visit Udagawa, they connect on both not doing well in groups and Joshua comments that they're more alike than he thought, which leads into a conversation about people not being able to understand each other as long as they have their own worlds and Neku begins to backslide a little:

"Right? They're them, and I'm me. Talking to them gets me nothing."

He goes on to say he respects CAT and their philosophy about doing your own thing and how he needs to just enjoy his life and forget about others, and Josh agrees. While Shiki is Neku's friend, she is the exception, not the norm, and Neku still doesn't trust most people. However, when Josh expresses not needing other people's values, Neku's reply is interesting. He agrees outwardly, but it's hesitant, as if he's unsure of himself. 

"Yeah..."

His inner thoughts show us that once again, he is changing.

But...I don't feel that way anymore. Since coming to the UG, reading people's minds- Shibuya's full of people with just as many viewpoints. Mr. H said the world ends with me. To expand my world, I have to learn to look farther- not write off other people's values as inferior. 

….Maybe I had it backwards. Maybe I need to open up to really enjoy- 

Josh calls him and snaps him out of his thoughts so we don't know what he was going to think next, but Neku has definitely experienced a massive paradigm shift in his way of thinking: he's inwardly questioning himself and acknowledging his wrongs and showing willingness to trust again and is showing a lot more empathy to other people. However, this resolve begins to crack when more holes in his memory get filled. Neku is angry and confused, but most of all, he's hurt and we see it in his reaction when Josh asks if he's okay; because he distances himself again. This situation causes him grow distant once more and he also gets more openly prickly since his trust is shaky. Josh relating to him that he feels he belongs in the UG doesn't help matters, either.

However, a later conversation has him moving forwards again. While acknowledging that people are not meant to see eye to eye, he thinks to himself that perhaps it is better that way. People don't think alike, but they can at least try to understand each other; and he then gets the resolve to actually counter Joshua's argument of solely reading people's thoughts and not talking to them.

"But why? Where's the enjoyment in that? I'd rather broaden my world my own way."

And again, we get a small paradigm shift of Neku feeling comfortable enough to express the positive changes that he has slowly been experiencing: blue symbolizes stability, and by this point in the story he is obtaining more and more of it: in his values, in his emotional expression, in how he deals with people, etc. He gets thrown for an immense loop learning that Joshua is alive though, and Neku finally snaps when his teammate brushes it off claiming they're "just like any other pair"-

He's utterly disgusted by Joshua treating the Game as an adrenaline rush- even when Neku first got into the Reaper's Game, he never enjoyed it, even if he initially was only looking out for himself at first; and the idea of getting excitement from toying with death is foreign to him. It only gets worse when Neku accuses Josh that HE killed him, and simply is taunted in return. From that point onward, he becomes openly hostile and snappy again, throwing the idea of trusting his teammate to the wind and tells him upfront that he's only going to tolerate him to survive; leaning back on his negative qualities (because growth is a process and there will be moments of wavering and backwards steps, and that's normal!)

Later on he also shows open distress when a Reaper is attacked and they are unable to save him; declaring they "left him to die." Even though it wasn't any fault of their own, Neku self-blames just like Shiki did in the first week- thinking that he could've done something, maybe if he had gotten there sooner, or defeated the Noise faster. While not 100%, Neku is comfortable enough to openly express sorrow, and Joshua underhandedly sympathizes and takes the blame off him ("We did what we had to do Neku.") He also protects Sota from Noise later down the line even though his partner is already erased and he's going to die anyway and again expresses sadness ("If only we'd gotten here earlier") and even indignation after the older man dies, screaming in anger about all the people who have been erased ("These are people, not toys!!"). When Josh questions him about the interest in others, he then explains that he's gotten to know folks better and that "it's different now".

"They're not just strangers. I can't shut them out like that." 

This is really important because in this, Neku is essentially declaring he cannot go back to who he used to be; nor does he WANT to. He refuses to, and he is making a conscious effort to be open to other people even if he doesn't understand them. Neku goes on to assert that one needs to reach out to others as well in counter to Josh asserting that he won't ever be able to understand others and this time, Joshua responds positively. Through Neku's steadfastness and refusal to waver on his viewpoints once he truly feels solid in them, and his courage to express them and not back down; he influences Joshua into thinking that perhaps people truly do need each other and can understand each other, even if it isn't easy to do so. In showing sympathy towards his enemies, he also proves again and again that people can change too, for the better; and his wisdom begins to shine once more. (And it is this change that ultimately leads Joshua to decide to save Shibuya) Unfortunately, Neku is thrown for yet another loop upon getting more of his memory back and thinking that Sho killed him, and Josh sacrificing himself is absolutely world-rocking.

He blames himself again, angry at himself for not opening up; and it is with this mindset that he is thrown into the Reaper's Game for the final time. His trust is in shambles, and the third week is Neku's personal test to see if he is willing to reach out despite being recently wounded by his partner.

Speaking of, Joshua doesn't really have an arc compared to the rest of the cast: rather, he serves as the catalyst to their growth instead. His character is interesting because from beginning to end, he expresses essentially none of the positive attributes of the color he is represented by; he only appears to at first glance. While Josh does change his mind about destroying UG Shibuya and is convinced that people can change for the better, whether he himself changes for the better is up for debate. Orange is the second color associated with him (it's the shade of his cell phone and his stickers), but just like with light blue, he expresses none of its positive traits.

Orange: enthusiasm, happiness, creativity, determination, encouragement

Negative symbolism of orange includes insensitivity, pessimism, and being unsociable, all aspects of Joshua's character. He doesn't think that people can change; and that it is impossible to understand them (he even goes as far to express "I'd rather just get rid of them" in a dark contrast to Neku, who is content to merely ignore people). Josh doesn't like groups of people either, and he exhibits insensitivity many times throughout the second week, merely behaving charismatic in order to interact with others. He doesn't really grow outwardly, but that's not the point of his character; he's Neku's test to see if he's truly changed or not.

Joshua is Neku's shadow, he's in the same vein. Rather than night and day, they are as dusk and midnight.

Beat

Beat is interesting because his color was actually switched for Final Remix: in the original DS version Beat is green, and in the Switch version he is yellow. I'm going to dive into both because I feel they're equally important. I already covered green for Shiki, but green has yet another meaning which describes Beat to a tee- safety. While Shiki is the moral support and mediator, he is the protector: he's extremely sacrificing for his sister and the people he cares about to the point of putting himself in physical danger to keep them safe (such as jumping in front of a car to save Rhyme, or jumping in front of Neku to protect him from a brainwashed Shiki). That much stays constant throughout the game. Healing also applies to him, as he helps Neku to open up and feel safe being emotional again by not being ashamed of being emotional himself: Beat openly cries over Rhyme and Neku mourns with him, and they help each other heal by learning to rely on one another. Not just as partners, but as friends.

Yellow: joy, warmth, positivity, friendship

From the get go, Beat is a huge bundle of energy and he's extremely kind; although he gets rather volatile if he feels slighted. But like with Shiki, he's overall a very sweet person and openly emotional: he gets angry in a heartbeat, laughs heartily when he's happy, and cries freely when he's sad- and his tears are never portrayed in a negative manner either; they're just a normal reaction to a sad situation and this normalization of sorrow leads to Neku getting comfortable again in being vulnerable- one could argue he's the most emotional in Week 3. Yellow is the complementary color to purple, which is also the main shade of Neku's design. Rather than an opposite like Shiki, or a shadow like Joshua, Beat is Neku's foil. He's a lot kinder and he's got a big heart but he is also extremely impulsive and acts w/o thinking. In contrast, Neku thinks things through logically, but he's a little lacking emotionally; and so they balance each other out. He's also highly attune to when Neku starts withdrawing into himself and gently snaps him out of it constantly; showing once again his sensitivity to emotion. (He consistently asks Neku if he's okay when he gets lost in thought; which Neku does a lot, especially if he's upset. Beat keeps him grounded.)

Beat's arc is finding value in himself again + doing his best; not for other people, but for himself and finding his drive. When mourning Rhyme, he vents that "she thought I was worth dying for" and that she had much more to live for, and he doesn't understand why she'd sacrifice for him. (And he blames himself for her death, as well) While Beat is protective out of the kindness of his heart, it also comes from a lack of self-worth: he places other people above himself, to a fault. Neku sympathizes with his grief but then goes a step farther to encourage him to not be regretful. In another contrast to Shiki, rather than another's identity making him feel inferior to the point of emulating them and overshooting, Beat jumps to the other side of the ditch and loses his passion altogether. 

Rhyme refused to give up on him, but eventually Beat began to resent her pity and he began to push her away as well. After they both died and came to the Game though, Rhyme's declaration that she had nothing to live for startled him into realizing that she meant a lot more to him than he thought and more than anything else; he wanted to be there for her as she was for him. After beating himself up, Neku comforts Beat in his own way, telling him that he needs to focus on the now and not let his sorrow overcome him, in essence; but also to go the distance just for himself, not for anyone else.

And Beat gets his fire all over again, eventually declaring that Neku isn't his partner anymore- he's a friend, and one that he cares about a lot.

Through his partners, Neku finds himself, they all strengthen different aspects of him. He learns to trust, to be open, to find value in friendship again and him taking off his headphones is the ultimate metaphor of him letting the world back in.

Shiki, his opposite.

Joshua, his shadow.

Beat, his foil. 

They all shaped his world, and showed Neku just how wonderful it really is.

And that is beautiful.

#twewy #neku sakuraba #shiki misaki #joshua kiryu #beat #daisukenojo bito #the world ends with you #meta #I have a lot of feelings for this game. It's a masterpiece.

[izaswritings]

all that’s left in the world | chapter eight

Title: all that’s left in the world—

Synopsis: —is me.

Neku’s been shot and Shibuya is threatening to go the same way as Shinjuku, but just because the first Game is over doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten how to play.

Or: Neku deals with a nightmare city and his most annoying (and mathematical) partner yet; Shiki and Joshua commit an escalating number of illegal moves, Beat and Eri hunt down a stray Reaper, and Rhyme watches and waits for the counter-attack. Shibuya refuses to go down easy.

Fandom: The World Ends With You | TWEWY

Warnings: cursing, referenced current character death via Reaper’s Game, references to past character death, friend drama, and self-worth/self-esteem issues. If there’s anything in the chapter you feel I missed, let me know and I’ll add it on here!

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AO3 Link is here!

Previous chapters are here!

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part eight: eri

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Eri and Beat’s first day of casing Shinjuku—what’s left of Shinjuku—goes poorly.

They arrive late, and search until the sun starts going down and turns all the buildings into gothic, spooky silhouettes, and if Beat had his way, would probably have continued searching after dark if Eri had not loudly and firmly put her foot down. (No matter what Beat says later, it was not because the moment the lights went out, Eri had gone stiff and pale and jumpy at the slightest noises. It was not. Eri doesn’t believe in ghosts, not even in the apocalypse, and she is, most certainly, not afraid of the dark. So there.)

Night falls fast and quick, and in the end, they find an empty shell of a café stand and settle down for the night. When the talking finally dies down, and Beat gone to sleep, Eri lays there in the dark for a long time, feeling young and stupid and missing her bed, because it’s the petty things that keep her mind from the frightening things—how hollow Shinjuku has become, how cold, how Shiki hasn’t answered any of her texts at all… how none of Eri’s texts have reached her.

Here are the cold hard facts: Eri has no idea what’s going on.

Beat had tried to explain—Reapers and Games and UGs and whatever—but she suspects he doesn’t really understand it fully himself, and no wonder. There’s so much Eri feels like her head is going to explode, this rising scream in her ears like an instrument out of tune, and if she focuses on it too long she thinks she might cry. That first night, she curls up with her Mom’s old brass knuckles clenched tight in one fist, and doesn’t sleep well at all. In the dark nightmare city, her dreams have turned faint and blurry, almost feverish, a distorted echo of her room and her father opening the door, his face fallen in grief, saying, “Eri, honey, I’m so sorry... Shiki is...”

When the sun finally rises—or at least, when the ash gray sky gets a little lighter— Eri wakes up with her eyes dry and aching, and Beat leaning down over her with a frown. “You okay?” he says, when he sees she’s awake. “You were making noise.”

Outside the café stand, the sky is pale gray and dim; the light barely reaches inside at all. Her mouth feels cottony and her throat tight; dust drifts in the air like snow. Even Beat, brash and bold and bright like a really annoying flare, seems faded here—his pale hair near colorless, his clothes greyed and the colors turned weak and subdued.

Eri sits up, and scoots away. She doesn’t dislike Beat, mostly; doesn’t really know him, besides the fact he’s part of that weird group of friends Shiki picked up from nowhere and then couldn’t be separated from. “Fine,” she says.

She’s not. There’s dust in her hair and smearing all across her pretty green skirt—the one Shiki stitched her—and the night has left a crick in her neck, her side, the back of her leg. Eri stretches out her leg and takes a breath. “Fine,” she says again, stronger now. “Day two?”

Beat doesn’t look like he believes her, but he leans back, and that’s good enough for Eri. “Yeah,” he says. Hesitant, maybe, and looking like he wants to ask, but in the end, he just shakes his head. “Day two, yo. Ready to go?”

“In a minute.”

“Alright.”

She watches him wander off to repack their stuff and check the surroundings, or some other survival shit she should probably be thinking of, and exhales shakily. Day two. Ugh. She’ll say this for the nightmare-land Shinjuku: if nothing else, it’s convinced her that whatever’s going on, it’s very, very real. Bizarre monsters aside.

Eri works on getting up, stretching out her arm, and tries not to shiver at the memory. Noise, Beat had called them, and Eri still isn’t sure if that’s meant to be ironic or something, because frankly those things hadn’t made a sound. She hasn’t quite mustered the nerve to ask. Those monsters were just…

They would have been beautiful, Eri thinks, in any other circumstance. Those swirling designs and colors, the bold strokes. Even their resemblance to animals… but maybe it’s the resemblance that makes them so unnerving. Their limbs too long, proportions all off, eyes blank and fuzzy like the white static on broken TVs. God. It still makes her shake to think about.

The fact Beat has fought them before—that Shiki has probably fought them before—doesn’t help matters at all. What happened that month, when Shiki was ignoring her? How could Eri have missed this? Her best friend was fighting for her life while Eri… what, sat and moped at home?

It doesn’t make sense. It just doesn’t fit. She knows they had that fight, but… surely Shiki must have known Eri would have come to her side in a heartbeat, right? Even if their phones didn’t work or whatever, couldn’t she just have told Eri straight? Shiki must have known Eri would help, right? …Right?

(Her fingers curl tight over the brass knuckles. In her head, her dad’s voice echoes. Eri, honey… Shiki is—)

Eri hates this city. Shinjuku: officially on her shit list! Forget the creepy apocalypse aesthetic, ignore the blood-red clouded sky and the cloying taste of ash. Damn the broken rubble and everything. Eri could handle all of it, but these stupid Games and stupid monsters, and all the questions they bring with them… yeah, no. That, Eri can’t forgive.

And the silence—god! The silence. It hadn’t bothered her too much at first, but the longer this ordeal goes on the more it itches at her. The Noise, too… their bright colors all dull and ashy like everything else in this ghost town, and as Eri had watched them stalk the streets, the lack of—anything—click of claws or snarling or even static—had made something knot in her throat. This place. Just, this place.

Café-man should have sent Mom here instead of me. Her mom would laugh and laugh if she knew Eri was getting freaked out by the quiet; deafness, an automatic defense mechanism against the apocalypse. This place and its creepy silence would barely phase her, though the sheer destruction would probably still make Mom look twice.

Ugh, and now Eri’s thinking about her parents, and missing them, and missing home all over again. Stupid brain. Mom isn’t here, and even if that absence of her—of anyone— aches more than even the silence, Eri just has to deal.

She finishes stretching out her arm and moves on to rolling her shoulder. Ow. Café stand floors are so not comfortable resting places. Which, speaking of…

“I can’t believe I slept on the floor,” Eri mutters to herself, rubbing at her neck. Shiki owes her for this. Shiki owes her… a reply and a call back, maybe. It’s not her phone, Eri’s pretty sure—she’d called her parents last night, said she was staying at a friend’s place, and learned in the ensuing conversation that according to the rest of the world, Shinjuku had never existed in the first place. What are you talking about, Eri? Ha, ha, ha.

This is so not how Eri wanted to spend her summer.

She takes a moment to cover her eyes and breathe, and then she rises to her feet and smacks the dust off her skirt. That’s probably as good as she’s going to get. It’s time to face the day.

Beat is waiting by the entrance, rubbing absently at his wrist. Eri comes up beside him. He eyes her. “You ready?”

She shrugs, and fusses a little with the bangle on her arm. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

He frowns at her, a little. Eri stares coolly back.

“If you say so,” Beat says finally, and hands her a protein bar before heading out the door.

Eri takes the bar with a grimace, and follows after him. As they walk, she peels the bar open, chewing it glumly. Second worst thing about this endeavor. She’d been so shaken by, like, everything... she’d forgotten to prepare. No supplies, no food… no water.

Or so she’d thought, anyway. She’s still not sure what to make of the backpack of supplies they found when they stopped to rest, or of the way Beat lit up and went “Thanks, Coffee Man!” but like. After yesterday? It’s fine. It’s whatever.

She checks her phone—no messages getting through to Shiki, okay, okay—and then crumples the wrapper in her hand. Go time. Maybe she isn’t the fondest of Beat (or Rhyme, or Neku, but—) but, Eri can do this. She can. For Shiki, if nothing else. Eri’s feelings on the matter don’t mean shit in the face of yesterday: the way Shiki had gone dead white, the way her eyes had gone lifeless and blank and far-seeing at that phone call. The way she’d stared right through Eri— right through her, like she wasn’t there. Like nothing was there. Like for a moment, for Shiki, the whole world stopped turning.

And yeah, thank god, it hadn’t lasted long. Shiki had hung up the phone and gone scary intense instead, before running off to do—whatever it was she was planning. But Eri... Eri doesn’t think she’ll forget that look anytime soon.

And that matters too. Eri isn’t the fondest of Neku, but she’s never wanted him dead, and—and if that’s what Shiki looks like when Neku is gone, if that’s what taking Neku away does to Shiki... then yeah. Eri’s here. She’ll play this weird fucking murder game for dead kids and she’ll help skater-boy track down the cutesy girl with the gun and Eri is going to do whatever she can. Whatever it takes. Whatever’s needed to make sure Shiki never has to make that face again.

It just. Galls, a little. A tiny bit. Neku. Beat, Rhyme, etcetera. Why them? Eri knew Shiki longest. Eri has known Shiki for like, ever. Where did these people even come from? And why—why are they so—?

It’s not jealousy! Eri tells herself, now out on the streets proper and squinting up into the glaring white foggy day. Eri isn’t jealous. She’s not. It’s just weird, is all. It’s just— it’s always been just her and Shiki, before. She’s not sure where these strangers fit into that. She’s not sure why they have to.

She kicks a rock, somewhat vindictive. It bounces away very pitifully. Eri tilts back her head and sighs. Ow, daylight. Burning her cornea. Another thing she forgot: sunglasses.

She can’t see the sun, but this dead Shinjuku is bright anyway; it’s like it is reflecting the light tenfold. Makes sense, in a way. Empty buildings and blank screens—what else is it supposed to do if not reflect? It’s not like it’s got any image of its own to show.

Eri kicks another rock. It doesn’t even make a sound. God, this place is so creepy.

“Hey, uh...”

She resists the urge to sigh at him; her fingers clench. “What?”

Beat is walking with her, now, fallen back to match her pace. He rubs at his shoulder like he’s trying to press out an ache, and squints at her like she’s the sun. “You, uh... you sure you okay? ‘Cause like—”

“I already said I was fine.”

“I mean, yeah, but—”

“Look,” she says, losing her patience. “I’m in a nightmare city in a nightmare place looking for fucking Neku Sakuraba and we’ve been here for hours and nothing’s happened and so far I think I’ve been holding together pretty damn well, so could we just—” She throws up her hands. “Can we not!”

She pauses, breathing hard. Beat looks away first. “Whatever, yo,” he says, a little stiff, and takes off down the street. “I won’t ask again, alright, I got it.”

There’s a brief flare of shame—he hasn’t even done anything, and here she is, yelling at him like he’s the cause for everything—but Eri is tired, and she’s just woken up, and she’s thinking of Shiki now, Shiki with Beat and Neku and Rhyme, the way Shiki smiled. And suddenly she doesn’t feel sorry at all. “Good.”

He shakes his head but doesn’t say a word, just checks in another building. Turns away, and heads to the next one. Conversation apparently over. Well, that’s just fine with Eri.

Beat heads over to another ruin, though, and Eri lingers back, hand on her hip, starting to frown. He’d done this last night, too, before it got dark; Eri makes an incredulous noise. “Are we really checking every single building for this Reaper girl?” He’s not even checking them properly—one glance through the windows and gone.

Beat’s expression sours a little. “Yeah? So? Man, why aren’t you lookin’?”

“I don’t think we’re going to find her like that,” Eri informs him. “I mean—isn’t she—that’s too easy.”

“You got a better idea?” he says, but it seems rhetorical, because barely a second later he shakes his head hard, fists clenched and says, “Bah, figures,” which makes no sense at all, and then he makes a sharp, angry noise in the back of his throat, puts down his skateboard, and starts rolling away.

“I—you—what?” Eri stares after him. He gets further away. What the fuck? “Seriously!? Where are you going!”

He ignores her. “This is taking too long, yo!” He puts down his foot and stops with a jolt, and shakes his fist at the bleeding morning sky. “OI! Reaper girl! Coco! Get the fuck out here, man!”

Holy shit. He’s—he really just did that, Eri realizes. He left in the middle of her talking. He’s speeding away on his damn skateboard and yelling for the murderous Reaper with a gun while she—

Ugh.

What does Shiki see in these people?

“What are you doing? Stop that!” Eri cries, ineffectually, and jogs after him. He’s stopped, thank goodness—staring up at the sky with a scowl, hands curled to frustrated fists. His lip is getting worried through his teeth. His foot is tapping. “Oh my god. What were you thinking? What if she—and you—do you ever slow down?”

He blinks at the clouds and then turns and blinks down at her. “Nope,” he says, though he sounds a bit sheepish about it. His shoulders slump a bit. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to leave in the middle of the convo, just… ah, it’s just getting to me. Phones used to— anyway, sorry about that. I just thought...” He trails off. He stares with a furrowed brow over the city, and makes a noise in the back of his throat. “Man. You really don’t like Phones, do you?”

Eri has to mentally rewind their conversation for a few minutes until she gets it, and then she flushes a dull red. In a nightmare city in a nightmare place looking for fucking Neku Sakuraba… possibly, maybe, a bit obvious. Whoops. “I— look, I’m just frustrated. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Beat only shrugs. “Alright. If you say so. Rhyme always says I jump to conclusions…” He trails off again, and then shakes his head. “Well, anyway.” He takes a deep breath. “OI, COCO—”

Eri muffles a scream behind her teeth and lunges at him, dragging him back. Beat yelps. “Come on! You’re just drawing the attention of all those monsters to us! There’s obviously no way that’s actually going to w—”

Their phones ding at the same time. Eri chokes.

There’s a long moment of stiff silence. Beat reaches for his phone first.

“Don’t—”

He’s already opened it. Eri covers her face.

“…Damn,” Beat says, finally. The anger has fled from him; he sounds tired now, worn and a little frustrated. He presses a hand over his eyes. “She’s just messing with us.”

Eri warily reaches for her own phone—first café guy, and now this murderous Reaper, how do these people keep getting Eri’s number—and flips it open.

Her hand tightens at once. This is… what even is this? Eri has a set font for her phone, meticulously installed settings and everything, and somehow this text message has defied all of them. Coco has mangled the look of the kanji something awful; Eri wants to strangle her partly for the poor aesthetics and partly in revenge for her eyes.

Next to her, Beat shakes his head. “Argh, this doesn’t make any sense to me, yo. Hey, can you read this shit?”

Eri doesn’t grit her teeth, but it’s a near thing. Damn, she knew he’d ask. She flits her gaze back to the text message—big and ballooned and pink-lettering like the writer was trying to be cute, with so many hearts it makes the designer in Eri wrinkle her nose and sniff, tacky. Plus, she thinks—is that short-hand? Oh, fuck.

If she’d had better sleep, if she wasn’t exhausted, if there wasn’t a headache pounding behind her eyes, then maybe Eri would have some success parsing through it. As it is, she flips her phone shut. “No,” she says stiffly, but when Beat just nods and sighs and turns away, she relaxes a little. “Can you?”

He mutters. “Game… welcome… I think she’s asking us to play? Definitely from that damn Reaper girl, though.” He scowls, and flashes the signature at her; COCO, written out in English with a big and scrawling font.

Eri looks back to her phone with a clench to her gut.

Beat groans and snaps the phone shut. “Whatever, yo. Who cares what shit she has to say. Probably just a stupid game. Reapers love that stuff.”

Eri bites her lip and opens her phone again. No. Language still not computing. Still... “If it’s from the girl we’re tracking down, there might be a clue. Shouldn’t we—”

“Nah, it’s cool.” She frowns at him, but Beat grins back, wide and a little brash, and punches his fist into his palm. “Look, trust me on this one. I’ve got this, yo! They want a game, I’m not gonna play. Works every time.”

That doesn’t seem quite right to Eri. “Um.”

His smile falters a little. He rubs the back of his neck. “...Look, I—I, um, I’m not the smartest, I don’t get things sometimes, I get that, but— I dunno, it’s worked before, alright? People like Miss Chiff, you know, they want... they need people to play. And when I was in the Game...”

He makes a noise, waves his hand, as if trying to find the words. “I mean, they erase you if you don’t do the missions, sure, but shit like this is different, yo! When you don’t play, turns out they end up coming right to you. Get them mad, and then hit ‘em when they’re distracted, and bam! Reaper down!”

There’s a pause. Beat trails off at Eri’s stare, turning red, and looks away. “It, uh, worked for me and Phones, so I... never mind, you’re probably right, it’s stupid. Let’s—”

“Erase you?” Eri echoes, hollow, and Beat stops mid-word and blinks at her. “What do you mean, they erase you?”

Beat blanches. “Uh.”

Eri’s mind is whirling. “Do you mean—if you fail a mission, they kill you?” But then… “No. No, that doesn’t make sense, then why would it be erasure? That’s just murder.”

“Well, yeah, it is,” Beat says, looking uncertain. “But we were kind of already—”

He stops. Eri stops. Beat’s eyes go wide. “Oh,” he says, and then he starts waving his hands, laughing loudly and nervously. “Never mind, yo, t-that’s not—anyway, what about this weird-ass text, right—”

Eri isn’t listening anymore. “Already,” she says. Neku, shot dead by the murderous Reaper—he’s in the Reapers’ Game, a contest to come back to life, isn’t that what that weird café guy had said? And on second thought, with what she knows now: isn’t that odd? Isn’t that strange? Doesn’t that mean…

“Already,” she says again, and her breathing picks up. Oh no. Oh no. “But then—if that means—you have to be dead to get into the Game? But you were in the Game. I don’t understand. If Neku is—and you—but then, that means—”

The dream comes back to her. Eri claps a hand over her mouth. She falls to her knees.

“Woah, woah, woah, I— Eri— yo, you okay!?”

She should have realized this sooner, Eri thinks. She should have connected the dots as soon as Beat explained the Game to her, as soon as he’d said he was a Player too. That awful echo of a dream. All those questions about where and how and when Shiki met Neku, met Beat, met Rhyme.

“Shiki died?” she asks, and her voice is very small.

“Oh, shit,” Beat says, and kneels next to her, hands fluttering over her shoulders like he doesn’t know what to do. Eri has the same goddamn tick. Somehow that hits her hardest of all; she starts hiccupping. The alarm on Beat’s face deepens to panic. “Oh man, no, I— she’s not! Anymore! We got out, yo, we all came back. Good as new!”

And now, at last, she has a better idea of why they all called it the Game. She thinks she might be sick. She wipes at her eyes. “Y-you won?”

“Well, that’s... y-yeah.” Beat looks away. Then he looks back at her. “Shiki’s alright. And she’s strong. Whatever she’s doing now, she’s probably kicking ass. Maybe even beating us to Phones, or the Reaper girl.” His smile is weak and false, but it stretches wide on his face. “I don’t— I don’t know much. Sorry. But she’s okay, yo, I can feel it. And when this is done you can go and yell at her all you like.” He awkwardly claps her shoulder. Eri presses her hands against her eyes, the sudden crying fit fading as quickly as it started. “You... uh...”

She exhales, slowly. Her head pounds. “F-fine. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” She brushes his hand away—kinder, this time—and rises unsteadily to her feet. Games and Reapers and Shiki dying. She supposes she understands why Shiki went so blank in the eyes, before. It feels a little like getting hollowed. “Let’s... let’s talk about something else.”

“Uh... well, okay, but—”

“Plan,” Eri tells herself, and rubs at her cheeks. Ugh, makeup smeared everywhere. She rubs at it harder. It’s already faded from the night—and who cares how put together she looks right now? It’s the damn apocalypse, or something. “You said you had a plan?”

“Well... nah, never mind it, it was kind of stupid—”

But Eri remembers it now, and she rubs at her face one last time and takes a deep breath, thinking. “Don’t play their games. Anger her into coming to us.” She exhales carefully, and swallows down the last stray sob in her throat. “That... that could work.”

Beat brightens at once. “Yo, you think so?”

“…Yeah.” Her breathing is settling. She blinks and shakes her head and straightens. “Y-yeah. If we—I mean, this message... she responded to you. She’s paying attention. She’s trying to make us do something. and if we don’t do it...” If they just ignore it entirely, or do something so out of bounds ridiculous... this is a girl who was willing to kill someone for this, whatever her goals are, right? So she’s taking this seriously. She’s got plans.

The more she thinks about it, the more it clicks. Because really, Eri thinks. What better way to draw the mastermind to you, than to treat the mastermind in question as irrelevant? She’s pretty sure she saw it work in a movie once, or something.

And hey, even if it doesn’t work... at least they tried. One option down.

She feels a little more settled now. She tugs at her skirt hem and gives Beat a weak smile. “Hey, works for me.”

“Really? Aw, hell yeah!” He punches the air. His face tightens, a brief flash of pain, but Eri blinks and a second later its gone. Beat shakes his head and laughs it off. “Man, I was worried for a second there. I know you don’t like me, so I thought that you’d—”

“—What?”

“—shut me... what?”

“It’s not... I don’t... I don’t dislike you,” Eri says, and feels it burn in her cheeks like heat.

He frowns at her. “I don’t mind it,” he says, slowly. “But you think we don’t see the looks you give us? Me and Phones?” He rubs at his hat. “Now if it was at Rhyme, that’s nuts, but it’s whatever, I guess. Can’t like everybody. We’re cool, man.”

Some part of Eri is horrified. “You—” They noticed? Oh god. Had Shiki noticed? Oh no. “I don’t hate you,” she says, and she means it, but she’s bright red anyway. Ughhh. “And I—I wouldn’t shut you down even if I did. I wouldn’t. You have some pretty good ideas sometimes.”

Beat looks back at her with raised eyebrows like she’s said something silly and it actually hurts, a little, to see that. “You do. I mean it. Maybe you don’t think things through, and maybe you rush ahead a lot, but that’s—that’s not—” She doesn’t have the words for this, the language, and she bites her tongue hard and shakes her head. “I actually kind of— can I tell you something?”

He blinks at her. “Uh… ‘course.”

“Thanks.” Eri takes a deep breath. “I want, more than anything—I’ve always wanted to be a designer.”

He nods. “Like Shiki!”

“Yeah.” The reminder of Shiki warms her. She imagines Shiki’s smile, her quiet encouragement, the way she took scribbles and half-hearted dreams and turned them into something real, something Eri could hold in her hands and look at and really, really see. I can do this. With you, I can do anything.

She wonders if Shiki will ever know just how much that moment meant to Eri. Maybe not.

“Yeah,” Eri says, more decided now. The things Shiki gave to Eri… maybe she can pay it forward. Give it to Beat, too. “But some people—I mean—trends are fickle. So is design. And, and I’ve had people tell me… that I’m an airhead, I’m vapid and s-self-centered and fake because I like clothes and I like how they make me look and wanting to make clothes isn’t—isn’t—well. You know.” She makes her voice high and mocking. “It’s a bad idea.”

Beat is staring at her. “What, seriously? Why? Look, trends don’t make much sense to me, but staying on top of them—making shit that a whole lotta people wanna wear—” He shakes his head. “That’s amazing, yo!”

“I know,” Eri says, and smiles a little. “I… um, confession time, I guess? But I’m not too good at math. And… I— I have a lot of trouble reading. Um, anything. It’s just brain stuff.” He’s watching her, intently, and her eyes drop and skitter across the ground. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I get it. Not… getting things. If that makes sense. But that doesn’t make me—doesn’t make you—we’re not—” She struggles for the words. “I’m never going to just… Argh!”

“Nah, it’s okay.”

“It’s not, I—”

“I hear you,” Beat says, a little quieter, and Eri shuts up and looks at him fully now, scanning his face, trying to make sure he means it. He grins at her. “Rhyme says it too, and they’re plenty smart; if both of you are telling me, I guess there’s gotta be some truth to it, huh?”

“Guess so,” Eri echoes. “I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t just shut you down. I’ve been listening. I promise.” She hopes so.

Beat shakes his head. “Yeah, I know. Sorry, yo. I didn’t mean it like that. I know you wouldn’t… just, I don’t really have something I’m good at. Not like you and Shiki, or even Phones. And Rhyme, man, you should see them go, they’re good at everything. But me…”

He pauses. “I haven’t found… what clicks for me, yo.” Beat stares at the ground. “Never did, even before this whole mess. Guess I’m just a little nervous I won’t ever find it.”

“Well, I can tell you one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Listening,” Eri says, awkward, and shuffles on her feet, thinking back to last night. “Really… really hearing people. I think you understand what’s important, Beat.” She offers him a weak smile. “I’m sorry for earlier. I’m not mad at you, I didn’t mean— it’s not you. You’re fine. I just, I don’t know. Shiki cares a lot about you guys. And you always make her... she always smiles so much.” The way she trusts Neku. The way Beat will say one thing and Shiki’s eyes will light up, bright with fondness. The way the very sight of Rhyme is enough to make Shiki smile. “I wish I could do that too.”

“Understandin’ what’s important, huh?” He rubs the back of his head, looking almost bashful. “Y-you think so?”

There is a memory in the back of Eri’s mind—faint, distant, watery as a dream. You aren’t meant to be a designer and the way Shiki’s face had fallen flat, like Eri had stabbed her instead. If Eri could have listened better, maybe she would have seen it earlier. Maybe she could have understood why it hurt Shiki to hear that. And maybe, just maybe, she could have known what Shiki needed to hear instead.

“Yes,” Eri says. “I absolutely do.”

Beat smiles at her, bright and beaming. Eri looks back at him, quieter now, and for a moment she tries to see him fully. Tries to see what Shiki must see in him. He’s a kind listener. He’s brash and bold and loud. He’s got a good heart, even if he fumbles with it.

Maybe she’s got this all wrong. Maybe she really hasn’t been listening, or seeing him, the way she should. Maybe Eri can do better, be better, and take a chance to know this person who has found his way into Shiki’s life so perfectly, and see how maybe he can start fitting into hers too.

Maybe, she thinks. Maybe.

But for now, she loops her arm with Beat’s like she does with her friends, and offers him a more genuine smile. “Let’s give that Reaper girl hell,” she says, and when Beat throws back his head and whoops in agreement, fist raised, Eri taps his fist back with a grin stretching ear to ear.

And just maybe, she thinks—maybe she can do this after all.

#twewy #the world ends with you #twewy beat #beat bito #daisukenojo bito #eri twewy #fic: all that's left in the world #twewy fic #iza fanfic

[i-write-fanfics-to-procrastinate]

Weicca: I’ll Be Home

This is for the Edens Zero Server Secret Santa Event! :D I wrote this for @awkwardauthorarianna​ !!! I’m your secret santa!!! I decided to just do something for the Holiday, something fluffy. I really hope you like it! :D 

Also, I couldn’t resist adding Pino as Shiki’s little sister! I needed Pino in this and since it’s kind of a modern/our world AU this seemed to work out. 

I’ll Be Home for Christmas

          “So, the fact is…” the same pause on the recording. “I won’t be home for Christmas.” Another deep breath. “My real home. With you…. And Shiki and Homura… I miss you, Princess. I know once we found out the project was ending soon we were hoping I’d make it home… But… I’m so sorry, Rebecca. I love you, and I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

          A soft click, and then a beep. “End of Message. Delete: press 7—” Rebecca tapped a button. “Saved.”

          She dropped her cellphone on the couch and turned towards the little Christmas tree she had set up by the front window. They had both been so excited. It was their first Christmas in the apartment they now shared together. They had come up with plan, late at night after he’d gotten home from the university.

          “We’ll wake up Christmas morning,” he had sighed, “And just stay in bed until we can’t stand it anymore.”

          “Dinner at Shiki and Homura’s,” Rebecca had reminded him.

          “So we’ll stay in bed until then.”

          But he had left to complete a project for the university all the way on the other side of the globe… all her dreams of having the perfect Christmas with him had been crushed. She remembered when she finally caved and bought a tree—under Shiki’s encouragement. “Come on, Rebecca! It might make you feel better to have some Christmas cheer!” She had been excited to decorate it with Weisz. But Christmas drew closer and closer… and Weisz still hadn’t come home.

          It wasn’t until two days ago she had pulled out the little ornaments and lights they had bought together to finally decorate. Shiki and Homura had told her it might be nice for Weisz to come home to things ready for the holiday festivities. But now—Christmas Eve—she wasn’t sure that he would come home at all.

          There was a knock on her door, startling her out of her thoughts. Someone this late on Christmas Eve? She moved away from the living room to the hall where another knock sounded from the front door.

          “I’m coming,” she sighed. She unlocked and swung open the front door. It was dumping snow outside. Shiki was standing on her doorstep wearing a santa hat.

          “Rebecca!” He laughed, holding out a plate, “I brought you some cookies! Merry Christmas!” For some reason… this was really what she needed. She took a deep breath, and threw her arms around her friend, holding him close. “Woah!” He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close with his free hand. “Are you alright, Becca?”

          “No,” she whispered, tears springing up in her eyes. “No… I… I miss him.”

          Shiki’s arm tightened around her, “I know. I know. I’m really sorry. Hey! I have an idea. Why don’t you come tomorrow morning to me and Homura’s? It might cheer you up! We can have a big brunch! And then we can open presents, and play party games!”

          “R-really?” She whispered, pulling away to wipe away tears.

          “Yeah! Come as soon as you wake up! I’m waking up super early!” He laughed.

          “Thanks, Shiki, that really means a lot to me,” she said.

          “Get some rest.” Shiki gently handed her the plate of Christmas cookies. “See you tomorrow morning!”

***

          It was snowing the next morning. Rebecca lay in bed for a little bit, blankets wrapped up to her shoulders. Her little cat, Happy was sleeping at her feet, chin resting on her leg. Weisz’s side of the bed was empty… cold… It’s not how I imagined waking up Christmas morning. She gently lifted her phone, tapping out a text—Weisz was probably busy, but at least she could send him a little message. Missing you. Merry Christmas!

          She gently set her phone aside, and stood to get dressed. Shiki and Homura’s house waited. The snow was thick on the ground—several inches. She put on her boots and trekked down the street. Shiki and Homura’s wasn’t far. She could see the lights from the outdoor decorations flashing bright colors against the white of the landscape. Before she even made it to yard, the front door swung open and Shiki’s little sister Pino rushed out—eyes wide and smile bright.

          “Rebecca!” She threw her arms around Rebecca’s waist, holding her close. “I’m glad you’re here! Shiki said you’d be coming!”

          “Hey!” Rebecca laughed, wrapping an arm around the girl. “It’s good to see you! Are you having a good Christmas morning?”

          “Better now that you’re here!” Pino giggled, excitement bubbling up in her laugh. “Come on inside, Shiki and Homura are making hot chocolate! And we’re going to open presents!!” Pino led the way inside, her hand warm in Rebecca’s. Shiki and Homura’s home was warm, the fireplace was roaring, the front room was decorated with lights and hanging snowflakes, and holly. Rebecca laughed a little to herself. Shiki loved the holidays.

          Last Christmas he had Weisz help him string up what seemed like a million lights across the roof of their home. Rebecca had been laughing down below with Pino, watching them struggle, Homura holding the ladder. I wish you were here now, Weisz. Somehow, even surrounded by her friends, Rebecca missed Weisz now more than ever…

          Shiki and Homura talked to her about their plans for New Year’s Eve. They all sat in the living room drinking their hot chocolate, watching the snow fall outside. Pino showed Rebecca the gifts she got for Christmas. And the hot chocolate slowly disappeared. Maybe Weisz will be home for New Years! Shiki had said, just as there was a rap at the front door.

          Homura blinked. “That’s very odd. Maybe it’s our strange next door neighbor.”

          “I’ll get it!” Pino leaped to her feet from where she had been sitting next to Rebecca. She practically danced to the front door, and swung it open.

          “Happy Holidays—oh!” Pino paused, eyes wide. “You’re here!!” She practically jumped into the arms of whoever was at the door.

          A familiar, warm laugh…

          “Who is it?” Shiki frowned, moved towards the doorway, but before he could come around the couch, Weisz stepped in, Pino’s arms still around his waist. Rebecca’s heart skipped a beat, and her chest tightened. Weisz. Weisz… was home.

          He was bundled up in a thick coat, his hair dusted with melting snow, his cheeks flushed from the cold. A purple scarf wrapped twice around his neck.

          Rebecca stood, and their eyes met across the room. Weisz offered her a bright grin. “Hey, Princess…” His voice was soft, his eyes shining. “I’m home.”

          She crossed the room in seconds, throwing her arms around his shoulders and pulling him in a tight hug. She couldn’t speak through tears, just clutched his coat as tight as she could. “Weisz… Weisz…”

          “Merry Christmas,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple. She just shook her head, holding him so tight.

          “I thought… I thought you weren’t going to come back… in time…?”

          “They released us two days ago, and I wanted to try my hardest to surprise you. I’m sorry I’m late—”

          But Rebecca kissed him before he could finish, hand pressed against his cold cheek. “You’re the best holiday gift a girl could ask for, Mr. Steiner.” He laughed a little, she rested her forehead against his. “I love you.”

          He beamed back at her… soft… just for her… “I love you too.”

#edens zero #weicca #weisz x rebecca #rebecca x weisz #weisz steiner #rebecca bluegarden #weisz and rebecca #rebecca and weisz #homura kogetsu #shiki granbell #shimura #pino #myfic #iwritefanfictiontoprocrastinate

[smartcookie727]

To All the Stars in Her Eyes

Hey yall! So here’s to my jumping into the EZ world with my first attempt at edits & fic. Rebecca is a cool kitty, and I’m excited to explore all these lovely new characters. It’s been fun tinkering with how Shiki’s social skills evolve and grow the more time he spends with Rebecca. This oneshot can be interpreted in both a romantic and platonic kinda way since they have that fundamental foundation as friends. I hope yall enjoy. As always, leave me a comment, reblog, tag, whatever you want to interact so I know what yall like.

Pairing: Shicca

Prompt: Fluffy intro to EZ fandom 

Length: 800 w

To Shiki, no star shines brighter than the ones in Rebecca's eyes. She was what he'd been searching for his entire life: a true friend. Wandering about the ship one night, he finds her fast asleep in front of her computer. But it's what she's been working on that reminds him that he'd do anything and go anywhere to protect her smile.

To All the Stars in Her Eyes

She’d fallen asleep at her computer again. Light from the screen radiated onto Rebecca’s hair, tinting it with a soft blue glow. Gently, Shiki nudged her hand away from the control pad. At least she’d managed to land to the side of the keyboard this time. Rebecca had sulked for a week after hitting the delete key during one of her spontaneous naps. Three days of footage lost to the void. He sighed. She was always pushing herself so hard.

Muffled noises trembled on her lips. Sighing, Shiki stroked her head down to her back until she quieted. Rebecca might as well have been more cat than human with the way petting soothed her. Hopefully it was a good dream this time. The nightmares left her a shell of herself the next morning. Shiki brushed a loose strand of hair from her face. The universe was cruel to those with smiles as bright as starlight. Rebecca’s past had been riddled with wounds, and sometimes, he wondered just how deep her scars reached.

Pulling a spare chair over to the monitor, Shiki settled down next to her. He couldn’t fight the demons lurking in her dreams, but he could at least make her more comfortable. This wasn’t the first time Rebecca had fallen asleep at her desk, and he knew all too well the complaining that would follow if she stayed hunched over all night. Scooping her up, Shiki laid her head against his shoulder. It had to be better for her this way. A blinking message at the edge of the screen caught his attention. She must’ve been working on a new video. The file flashed in a panicked frenzy, begging to be saved. Shiki chuckled and put the warning out of its misery. He’d be a hero in the morning. Gratefully, the editing software refreshed and opened a glowing box, prompting him to play the video he’d rescued. A voice in his head told Shiki to wait, but his curiosity betrayed him.

Ancient Gear and The Boy Unbound by Gravity

It was him. Shiki flashed across the screen, arms glowing with the power of his ether gear. Clips of him hanging upside down, fighting, and falling through the sky melded together in a montage of gravity defying freedom. He hadn’t noticed that her lens pointed his way so frequently. Aerial acrobatics faded away as Rebecca’s face took center stage for her finale. She was breathtaking as she addressed the audience; stardust sparkled in her eyes.

“He’s unlike any other human in all galaxies. Watch us change the cosmos; only on the Blue Cat Channel.”

The video closed and released Shiki from its spell. Smiling, he looked down at the girl asleep on his shoulder. Every day Rebecca grew more amazing than the last. His first friend. His best friend.

Stirring in her sleep, Rebecca slipped from her perch his shoulder. Quick fingers caught her before she could hit the desk.

“Time for bed,” Shiki whispered. He lifted her in his arms and made his way across the ship to her room. The movement roused Rebecca from her respite.

“No,” she slurred, tongue heavy with fatigue. “I have to keep—”

“You don’t have to do anything but rest. You can finish in the morning.” He hugged her close. “Your next video is gonna be a big hit.”

“Thanks, Shiki,” she sighed, eyes fluttering closed. He felt her head relax against his chest, and she drifted back into the sweet clutches of slumber.

Happy was already dozing when Shiki stumbled into Rebecca’s room. He laid her down on the bed next to her cat, and the two instinctively curled together. Warmth crept into his heart. They’d been together for years, side by side in times of both sadness and joy. Their arms were home. One day he’d be as close as Rebecca and Happy were, but for now, he’d respect their social habits. Pulling the covers around them, he turned out the light and left.

Shiki wandered to the side of the ship, gazing out the window. Stars flew by, burning fierce and beautiful in the dark enormity of space. None could hold a candle to the ones that danced in her eyes. The final words in Rebecca’s video rang in his head. Of all the humans in all the cosmos, she was the one that was special. She’d extended her hand to a complete stranger and made him her friend. Shiki would follow Rebecca anywhere to preserve that smile. To every galaxy she wanted to see and all the worlds in between. To all the stars in her eyes.

#edens zero #ez fanfic #shiki granbell #rebecca (edens zero) #shicca #ez graphics #cookie writes #edens zero fics #this was a super spontaneous little drabble #but also hella fun to write #hope it fits the characters well since it's my first attempt writing them #i'm definitely anticipating writing more EZ #*but omg so nervous* #the jump from FT to this is a big leap of faith #and i hope everyone enjoys my interpretation #shiki is also a riot as a pov #and no worries there will still be FT fic too #just wanted to stretch my fingers a bit and give this a shot

[shuttershocky]

Character Opinion: Tamamo No Mae (Fate/Extra)

I just realized I haven’t written some good old Type-Moon meta in a while, but I think I’ve found a topic I really wanted to write about.

Hi I’m Shuttershocky, and I’m here to convince you that Fate/Extra’s Tamamo No Mae was the best thing to happen to the Nasuverse since Shiki Ryougi killed a building.

I’ll admit, Tamamo wasn’t exactly my first choice of servant when I started Extra. All I knew of her was that she was a fan-favorite, fanservicey character well liked for her cheerful personality and ample bosom. A ready-made waifu complete with a ditzy personality and an obsession with getting a husband (but whether that husband is male or not is no concern of hers) was not something that sounded very appealing, since I usually dislike Manic Pixie Dream Girl characters in my media, and certainly don’t like ones dressed as furries. But then she was also the hardest servant to use, thus, liking challenge, I thought I’d have to tolerate what would be an annoying servant.

And then I was proven wrong. Dead wrong. Tamamo was a lovesick ditz, a weak fighter, obsessed with becoming a wife and being seen as helpful and adorable true, but she was also a character with a good amount of depth whose nuances were done so subtly (a lot of it hidden through her own actions) that she often walked a fine line between flat fanservice and having an actual character, deftly balancing herself on the right side. 

See the thing is, Tamamo wants to be seen as a mere waifu. She’s acts sickly sweet and adorable, constantly flirting with and complimenting Hakuno like so 

She even constantly agrees with and validates anything Hakuno says or does, to the point where she’s less of a servant and more of yes-man, to the point where  Hakuno occasionally gets annoyed with her. She sometimes oversteps her bounds and becomes overbearing, and her need to always agree and validate her master tends to oppose constructive criticism that helps Hakuno grow as a person and a master (which the game is, thankfully, aware of. Hakuno’s inner narration often shows Hakuno is aware of Tamamo being a kiss-ass.)

So how does Tamamo differ from all the bland waifus this trope is filled to the brim with? Well, she has a tendency to slip.

For someone who’s supposedly a lovable airhead, she sure doesn’t like the insinuation that she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. It soon becomes clear that Tamamo is very touchy with criticism coming from Hakuno, quickly getting angry if her flightiness and poor fighting skills are pointed out. She would much rather receive compliments on how cute and helpful she is, occasionally even directly asking Hakuno to compliment her after battles. She also clams up as soon as the subject of conversation draws close to her real identity, claiming that its so other masters cannot read Hakuno’s mind, before later admitting its because she’s worried that Hakuno would no longer like her if they were aware of her true name.

As the player proceeds through the game, we get the picture of a character who, for some reason, has become obsessed with making her master’s image of her perfect, to the point where she can be caught contradicting herself. She wants to be seen as a cute ditz in one moment, but a crafty fox with a sophisticated vocabulary that will have you reaching for a thesaurus in the next.  Her master is perfect and makes no mistakes, but don’t worry about that mistake that almost got us killed master, Caster always loves you. She’s a slender, small, weak girl who needs a big and strong master to support her, but don’t worry about the enemy master, because Tamamo is invincible, the strongest on earth! 

At some points, she completely forgets she’s supposed to be putting on an act for Hakuno and instead makes it very clear that she is indeed only acting.

So why? Why is she so taken with the idea of being seen as the perfect wife? 

Her answer is that she just wants someone to love and devote herself to. A weak otaku-bait answer that almost wrecks the amount of work put into her character...

...at first glance.

When the pair have their backs against the wall, Caster reveals her true name. She is Tamamo-No-Mae, the original fox spirit of Japan and once a beloved courtesan and adviser to the Emperor. Her true nature as a fox spirit revealed by a fortune-teller, she was chased by the Emperor’s army and slaughtered screaming on a grassy plain far from home.

Suddenly the player (through Hakuno) is invited to view her in a different light. Tamamo had no idea why she was chased away and killed mercilessly. Perhaps she blamed herself. Perhaps her overly eager efforts are her trying to make up for what she did wrong, for whatever she did wrong. Even if its obvious to everyone that she in fact, did no wrong. 

Still, this would not explain her nearly inhuman form of ass-kissing. There is after all, a difference between sucking up hard and straight up risking your life to do so. It often comes off as awkward, yet another Nasu-ism fans have long since learned to mentally filter, and then we find out Tamamo-No-Mae is not a heroic spirit, but a god. Specifically, an aspect of Amaterasu who became curious at the sight of people worshiping her, proclaiming they loved her. Attempting to learn more about what this “love” is, she descended to earth as Tamamo-No-Mae, and died at the hands of those who claimed to love her.

With that last piece, the picture becomes all too tragic. It wasn’t ass-kissing, it was worship. It’s all she knows, and thus its what she thinks she must do in order to show and receive affection. Her mania over her master’s image of her? She was put to death the last time simply because her true self with her ears and tail did not match the emperor’s image of her. The little slips she makes in her act and her sensitivity to criticism? She is a god, who is far older, wiser, and more powerful than any mortal soul. And yet, she gave herself a weakened body in an attempt to understand the love that was beyond the reach of divine beings, for it was the invention of mortal, fragile lives.

Just imagine; she’s been trying to navigate all that on her own, without access to most of her incredible powers and wisdom, while simultaneously trying to keep her hopeless master alive in a brutal war. And because she’s so afraid of the reputation she carries with her true name, she shuts out the only person who can help her, the person she claims she love more than anything else in the world, Hakuno. 

And the  Pièce De Résistance? Throughout all this, behind all the deception and comedy she brings to every scene, the game still builds a real, true relationship between her and Hakuno. Sometimes her words of encouragement end up lacking the tinge of a suck-up, instead being imbued with an air of honesty. Despite the lies she puts out and the airs she puts on, her heart was always in the right place and she truly cares.

At the finale, when both Tamamo and Hakuno face the empty void, they face it hand in hand, having both reconciled Tamamo’s insecurities of her past existence and Hakuno’s lack of a current one, with Tamamo promising to stay right by Hakuno’s side until the very end.

It would be an understatement to say I found her characterization extremely impressive, especially since it involved walking such a tight line between real depth and waifu trash that a slight mistake (a common sight in Nasu’s works) could push her over the edge and ruin her character, but I think Tamamo was pulled off marvelously. Her motivations are clear, her behavior and methods all understandable and in-character, and, most of all, her characterization was brave.

What do I mean by that? Well Nasu is no stranger to writing strong female characters, but a lot of them are not traditionally feminine (is this the right word? Someone correct me if it isn’t) in their outward traits or behavior, such as the rude, crude Shiki Ryougi or the stone cold Saber. Tamamo on the other hand, is very outwardly feminine. She likes cooking and cute things and hot guys (and sometimes hot girls), she’s not a particularly capable fighter when every strong female character(tm) in fiction is apparently a black belt in 10 different combat arts, she really, really, really wants to be married off and be a housewife and thinks being a hero with demigod powers is a drag.

And she makes it work.

Tamamo also ticks off every box in the checklist for making a terribly flat manic pixie dream girl heroine. She’s unfocused but cute, revolves around the protagonist, is unbelievably kind and sweet but also reliant on the protagonist to get through the day. She’s also quite fond of sex, sometimes laying on the double entrende for Hakuno, sometimes telling them to straight up ravish her this instant (though they never agree to keep the ratings 15+, and, to my pleasant surprise, never show Tamamo in any compromising/sexy poses or anything. )

And she makes it work.

Tamamo defies the conventions of strong female characters (to be fair, anime in general does this way, WAY better than mainstream Hollywood), and that’s fucking great. Women can and should be allowed to be like that, to be whatever they feel like, and deserve to be seen as every bit as badass and valid as the sexless killbots and hypercompetent adventurers that dominate the discussion. And she does all this while being a side-splittingly funny character and a genuinely experienced, confident, quick-witted servant, whose tactical know-how and ability to get under her opponents’ skin proved a great help in winning the war. 

So when I see that the majority of the fanbase know her for her sexy outfits, squeaky voice, and comedic scenes, I can’t help but feel a little annoyed at the thought that they might be missing out on who I think is one of Nasu’s best written characters.

The ironic thing of course being that Tamamo herself would prefer it that way.

#Tamamo No Mae #Fate/Extra #type moon #character opinion #Fate

[izanyas]

Mercy Bid

Izashin post-canon angst... is finally done... I kinda wrote this on a whim but I’m dedicating it to @coleridges​. Congrats for the year abroad! And thank you @scarlet-blossoms​ for the beta.

Rating: T Words: 8,300 Warnings: mentions of suicide, grief/mourning, mildly graphic description of Izaya’s injuries.

Mercy Bid

It only took one look at Shizuo's body for Shinra to feel a part of his history close cleanly. He read the sad end to Izaya's last and longest feud in the cuts on Shizuo's torso, the dislocated shoulder he was carrying with no pain, and the way his eyes moved. Slow and unseeing. Shinra didn't think Shizuo even realized he was in shock, but it didn't matter.

None of that mattered anymore.

Shizuo didn't understand what he asked, and Shinra didn't try to explain it to him. It was enough that Shizuo had such trust in childhood promises, that he expected that allowing Shinra to go after Celty was enough of a punishment. He would never know what he had participated in doing to hurt his own best friend that day. He threw Shinra at a sky darker than night, so dark that every light of the city was swallowed by it, so dark that the only thing Shinra could make out against it was Celty's silhouette and her horse's.

In that moment everything left his mind. The bloodied children on the rooftop, the possessed masses in town, his own physical pain and instinctive fear. Shizuo and Izaya and the latter's unavoidable fate. He did what he had come to do with no joy but no regret, his heart in free-fall as he rose and then came back down. Saika slithered out of his palm as if he had been born to wield it, the malicious energy coursing through him so weak in the face of what he wanted that he barely heard any of its whispers. He cut Celty's head clean off her body and didn't watch as the light left her blue eyes. Shinra smiled, and he closed his eyes, and didn't hope that Celty would catch him.

He knew she would.

His injuries screamed when he landed onto the net of shadows that she had made to prevent his death. He chuckled despite the awful pain in his broken arm and leg, because she could have simply held him close until they hit the ground but she hadn't—she had wanted to make it as painless as possible, despite what he had just done to her.

He felt no shame at the thought.

Shinra didn't see Shizuo again that day. He didn't see anyone but Celty. Shizuo had people who would take notice of his injuries both physical and mental, after all. Shinra rode on the backseat of Celty's bike with his arms wrapped tightly around her middle, and the lack of tangibility of her suit was comforting in a way nothing else was except her cool, soft skin. When the sky cleared of clouds around noon he felt as though he was waking up from a good sort of dream; when he glanced around he saw people blink tiredly, confused and scared. They were waking up as well, possessed or not.

"We can go home now, if you want," he said softly. There was no need to raise his voice. Shooter didn't make any noise, and Celty's hearing was better than any human's. "We can rest."

She didn't answer, but Shinra knew what she was thinking. He knew that she was struggling to find her own anger through the sheer relief of having saved him, and the thought made him giddy.

She finally drove out of the maze of streets they'd been exploring for the better part of three hours and in the direction of the highway. Shinra's ass was aching and his stronger painkillers had long since worn off; he could feel just how much of a distance he had crossed on his way to Celty in the morning with no help except for a crutch and the sound of his own voice. He knew that if he stopped to think about it, the raw edges of the bond he had lost today would come back to hurt as well.

He threw back his head to feel the wind surround his throat, and imagined that it was a blade instead.

Celty had to help him dismount when they reached the underground parking lot of their building. Shinra didn't complain about the pain as he usually would. He focused on taking step after step, his uninjured arm supporting most of his weight across Celty's shoulders. When Celty opened the door to their home and finally put him down onto the couch, he could've cried.

She fidgeted in front of him, her helmet still in place. He felt the first sparks of her anger as well as if it were rising through him too, and his heartbeat slowed down from the familiarity of it.

The following was just a matter of telling her that he would do it all over again—as many times as needed—and letting her decide for herself what she wanted to do.

Shinra felt that his chances were pretty good.

--

He slept for a long time. He had dozed off on the couch sometime around four and woke up in his own bed at eight the following morning, sweaty and aching all over. He would need a new x-ray of his arm and leg, and new casts as well, he knew.

Shinra stared at the ceiling of his bedroom groggily. There were painkillers on his bedside table but he didn't reach for them. He couldn't hear or feel Celty in the apartment, could see no sign that she had come back since she had left after their conversation the day before. Saika was murmuring weakly inside him, as if it were tired too. As if it felt the aftermath of birthing so many children at once, even though Kujiragi's blade hadn't been the one to do it at all.

His phone buzzed quietly. Shinra had to turn on his side to grab it with his good hand, and when he unlocked the screen, the number he saw in his notifications was unknown.

You were wrong, the text said.

He slipped a few times while typing his answer, even dropping the phone on top of his sheets once. It took him an embarrassingly long time to be able to write, Who is this?

Mamiya Manami, the reply came, and Shinra wasn't groggy enough not to react to the sudden burst of cold deep in his chest at the sight of her name.

He didn't message her back. He didn't need to, though, because she sent him an address with her following text and before he could decide to block her number.

Celty came back around ten and found him in the same position he had been when he woke up. "Good morning," he said gently.

She came around the bed to sit next to him. She typed a quick message and turned her PDA toward him, though she didn't need to. He could always tell what she wanted to say. How are you feeling?

"I hurt everywhere," he answered with a smile. "But the sight of you, as always, is better at soothing away the pain than any medicine out there."

She didn't blush at his words. Instead she took back her PDA to type again, for a long while. The whole city's in shambles. People are talking about a bomb going off and mass hypnosis… I saw Kadota and met with Shiki-san. They seemed okay, at least. It looks like Saika didn't possess anyone we know.

"That's good to hear." Shinra pushed himself upright with his left hand and crawled backward on his ass, arranging his pillows behind his back so he could lean against them. Celty watched him without reaching forward to help. "Anything else?"

She shook her head. Then, after a moment spent in thought, she wrote again. Shinra watched her do it and felt the air turn to ice in his chest before she even had time to show him her reply.

Izaya is probably dead.

His smile didn't leave his lips. "Really."

I didn't hear anyone say his name. But I know he was badly hurt.

It surprised him, how little he wanted to hear it. "Did you see him?" he asked reluctantly.

She hesitated. While I had my head, she finally admitted. Shinra thought anyone would have felt the longing and fear in her at those words. He tried to talk to me, but I ignored him. And then when I was trying to fix everyone's injuries, I felt him too, but there wasn't much I could do besides stopping the bleeding.

Shinra didn't answer. Celty didn't seem very interested in pursuing the topic either, and, seeing his lack of reaction, she stopped talking about it altogether.

Celty went about her job for the rest of the day. It wasn't any different than life had been a week ago, two days ago. Shinra kept the TV on mute in his bedroom and watched the sky grow lighter and lighter in color, the sun rising high over the city and spreading tiny flecks of light on the metallic edges of buildings around. Every car on the highway was a flash of the same light in his eyes. Shinra stayed still for so long—head turned to his side—that his neck started aching from it. He let out a groan when he finally looked back ahead of himself and pain shot up his nape and shoulder.

He smelled disgusting. The breakfast Celty had brought him wasn't enough to sustain him anymore, and his stomach had started growling. He knew there would be something microwavable for him to eat since he couldn't cook with one arm immobilized; but all of a sudden all he could feel was the grime of the last forty-eight hours stuck to his skin and hair, and all he wanted was a shower.

He dragged himself to the bathroom. As much as he had enjoyed abusing Celty's willingness to help him keep himself clean, he had to admit that he was glad he could do it by himself now, even if it hurt. He took off his pajamas without bothering to lock the door, wrapped plastic bags over his casts, and turned on the water.

He didn't know how long he stayed under the spray. The heat kept his breathing slow and his heart quiet. He had to unstick himself from the plastic stool to be able to lather soap over himself, shampoo left for too long in his hair. He felt tired despite his long night. Unable to order his own body around. He could barely see anything through the steam that had risen around, and though he knew, distantly, that the water would soon turn cold, he couldn't bring himself to actually turn it off.

When his hand finally grasped the faucet, it was with tremendous effort on his part. The tiled floor was wet under his feet—slippery. He almost fell twice before reaching the door and stepping onto surer wood.

He crossed the apartment naked as the day he was born, shedding the plastic along the way and throwing it in the garbage. There was instant ramen at the back of a kitchen cupboard; Shinra put water to boil for it without thinking.

A new noise came right as the kettle starting whistling. A slow, steady hum, ringing faintly through his home, that took an embarrassingly long time for him to recognize as his own phone. Shinra made his way to the bedroom as fast as he could, but the call stopped as soon as he touched his fingers to the screen. The name of the caller had remained behind, though.

Shinra called back without thinking about it for too long.

"Hey," Kadota's voice said over the line.

"Good afternoon," Shinra replied. He reached blindly for his glasses on the nightstand and shoved them onto his nose unceremoniously. "This is exceedingly rare, Kadota-kun."

"I know. Sorry about that."

"It's not as if I couldn't have called myself. No need to apologize."

"Yeah. I just—sorry, just a sec." Shinra heard another voice, most likely Karisawa's; he didn't catch what Kadota said to satiate her, but he must have moved locations anyway, as the background filled itself with the sounds of cars running and wind blowing. "I'm back. As I was saying, I know we're not really the kind for calling and stuff. I just thought I should."

"What for?"

Kadota was silent for a long while. Shinra sat down on top of the bed, massaging his aching hip thoughtlessly, and looked out through the window once more. The sun was still up high, the city still gleaming.

"I've been calling around, after yesterday," Kadota said lowly. "Just to make sure everyone's okay."

"You're always so thoughtful," Shinra commented.

Kadota huffed. "Shut up. I kept you for last because Shizuo told me he saw you with Celty."

"She protected me with all the strength of her love!"

Kadota continued, ignoring him: "No one has any idea what happened. I thought Izaya might, but I haven't been able to contact him."

Shinra licked his lips, heart stilling.

Kadota took a breath over the line. "So it's true," he said.

"Manipulating information out of me, Kadota?" Shinra tried. "That's a little unlike you."

"I didn't manipulate anything. I actually spent all day wondering how to tell you, damn it."

Shinra's fingers wiggled in the opening of his cast, digging into his own side lightly. Just enough to feel the shower-flush of his own skin. "No need to worry about that. Celty's already taken care of it."

"I figured." Kadota fell silent, his breathing lost to the city sounds permeating whichever street he was in. "Shit. I'm not even… sad, or anything. I just can't believe it."

"I'm more surprised that you got anything out of Shizuo-kun than anything," Shinra replied. He thought his phone would start burning the side of his face, he was holding it so tightly. Mamiya Manami's messages kept coming back to him, as if she had branded them direction onto his brain.

"I didn't," Kadota answered, unaware. "I'm not stupid enough to ask him. Rokujou told me."

"Who?"

"Never mind." Kadota sighed. "He was there for the end of their fight. If you can call it that."

Shinra hummed, and wondered which word Rokujou had used. Murder or suicide.

He heard Kadota shift something over his end. Maybe sit down somewhere. "I had a dream last night," he said. "Not a nightmare or anything, just a dream. About when we were kids."

"I'm sorry to say that I can't return the feeling. I only dream about Celty."

"I never thought things would go this far between them," Kadota continued, unhindered. "I mean, I know it already went pretty far. But I didn't think you could hate someone this much. Or for so long."

Shinra stayed silent.

"I guess I just assumed they'd let go of it once high school ended. That it'd turn into a funny story we'd all tell over beer. Maybe even that they'd, I don't know. Become acquaintances, or friends."

It was a familiar fantasy. One he had entertained himself, loftily, in passing. Shinra had spent too much of his life thinking about Celty and detaching himself from other bonds; he couldn't prevent them, but he could make it so they would always come second to him. He liked Shizuo. He never minded Kadota. They were both securely away from the center of his attention, and spending time with them never challenged this fact in any way. It was a comfortable system.

Izaya always rose up to the challenge for Shinra's attention, however. Each and every time Shinra sought his presence.

"Do you hate me?" he asked Kadota.

"What for?"

"For always saying that they'd up killing each other and not doing anything to stop it." The air he breathed burned.

"No," Kadota said after a pause. "I don't think you were being serious at the time. And I didn't try to do anything to stop it either."

"You weren't as close."

Kadota must have shrugged, because Shinra heard fabric scraping over the receiver. "I don't quantify stuff like this. I can't even accept that Izaya is dead, right now—it all feels so surreal. Nothing's changed yet."

"Nothing will, probably."

"Yeah. It feels like it should, though." In the breath that followed, Shinra could almost taste the realization creeping into Kadota's brain and making its way out of his mouth. " Shit. Shizuo killed Izaya."

You were wrong, Mamiya Manami had said. It was as if her voice were ringing through Shinra's head. His heart was beating in his throat, bruising, relentless.

"Fuck."

Shinra listened to the sounds of Kadota's confused misery and didn't hang up. He heard him suck in a breath, and then another, and no doubt take his phone away from his mouth so that he could preserve his dignity as his body manifested his grief in a completely natural way. Shinra put the call on speaker and rested his phone against his sheets, and with his now free hand, he dug his fingers into the soft of his bed until he felt something tear.

Kadota was quick enough to speak again, considering. If Shinra weren't feeling so much about the whole thing, he would've commented on how hoarse his voice sounded.

He didn't, though.

"I can't help but feel guilty."

"Don't," Shinra replied immediately. "It's fruitless, and you couldn't have done anything to change things anyway."

"Does telling yourself that help you feel better, then?"

Shinra chuckled. "I feel fine, Kadota-kun," he lied. "In every way except the physical, of course."

"Right, you're still injured. I should probably let you rest."

"Likewise."

They both fell silent. Shinra wasn't someone who did phone calls—the only person he'd want to call wasn't able to answer like this, after all—and he thought Kadota might be just as awkward with finding a way to say good bye. He toyed with the idea of hanging up without another word, just to spare them both the pain; but then his thoughts shifted again to the texts in his inbox, the address sitting there in stark letters, and before he could think about it, he said, "Actually, I have a favor to ask you."

"Yeah?" Kadota still sounded shaken..

Shinra's mouth was dry. "If you've got about five hours to spare, I'd like you to drive me somewhere and then back."

--

Celty found him as naked as he had been an hour ago, coming out of the shower. He was satisfied to see her shake in embarrassment as she typed at him to wear clothes inside the house, and he got dressed with her affectionate lecture in mind.

It was the first time in weeks that he wore something other than pajamas: loose pants to accommodate the cast on his leg and a white shirt, his jacket stuck between his forearm and the handle of his cane. Are you going somewhere? Celty asked when he finally came out of the bedroom. She still sounded angry.

"Kadota's driving me. I need to go somewhere a bit far from here, so I'll be home late," he replied cheerfully. "Don't wait for me before bed, my love."

She threw a cushion in his direction.

Kadota was waiting for him in the underground parking lot, leaning against the side of Togusa Saburo's van. Togusa himself was in the driver's seat, looking smug.

"What's gotten into him?" Shinra asked in stead of greetings.

Kadota made a face. "He ran over someone."

"Ooh. Is your fanclub finally escaping the morality you've been trying to teach them?"

Kadota gave him a light hit on the head with the back of his knuckles, the way he did when they were fifteen.

Shinra refused the help they both offered to get inside the van. He sat in the second row of seats; all three of them were free, allowing him to rest his cane across the width of the van and even to stretch his broken leg sideways if he wanted to. Togusa started the engine before Kadota got in, and as soon as the door on the passenger's side was closed, they were off.

"So why d'you need to visit a clinic so far away?" Kadota asked. He was hunched over the dashboard and typing the coordinates that Mamiya had sent Shinra into the GPS with a frown. "It's going to be a two-hour ride to get there at least."

"Someone asked for my help with a difficult patient," Shinra replied.

"Can't you do that with emails and video calls nowadays?" Togusa mumbled.

Shinra smiled, and said nothing.

He spent the relatively quiet ride meticulously not thinking of where he was headed and what he might find there. His mind gravitated toward Celty without much effort, and a good hour was lost to the thought of how she had saved him the day before. How she had looked atop her horse, with her head in her hand, nothing like the woman he loved and yet the same entirely. His father had told him that the head had been secured and Yagiri Namie hired to study it—they would take it to America with them.

Too far away for Celty to reach without difficulty. Celty hadn't seemed especially bothered with the fact, no matter how much her being longed to be made one again.

Kadota and Togusa's conversation in the front seats was soft-spoken. They fell silent when a song they liked played on the radio; they exchanged news from high-school acquaintances that they had been able to reach the day before, when Kadota was making sure everyone was alive and safe. Kadota got a call from Karisawa or Yumasaki at one point. It was difficult to tell, because he used the same exasperated tone of voice while talking to both.

Shinra watched the city stretch into the windows, seemingly endless. Night was falling and the streets' illuminations coming alive, drawing colorful lines into his eyes that he had to blink slowly away. Apartment buildings made way to offices and entertainment skyscrapers made way to apartment buildings. Little by little, the skyline lowered, until no rooftop rose above a couple floors. They never left for a rural area, but everything around was so unrecognizable that Shinra knew without needing to check that they weren't in Tokyo anymore.

"That's the place, I think," Togusa said eventually.

He parked the van in front of a three-story white building. The night was darker here than it ever was at home. No hospital ever slept, though, and this one shone from various windows, its entrance hall lit softly.

Shinra slid open the car's door and stumbled out on one foot, grasping his crutch firmly from the bottom of the van. "I'll be going, then," he declared.

"Need any help?" Kadota offered. Shinra glanced at the dark bruise around his eyes and the arm he still had held in a scarf, not broken but undoubtedly sprained.

He gave a brief smile. "Oh, no need. It's all doctor stuff from now on, you'll be bored out of your mind."

"I was just offering to walk you there…"

Shinra waved at him lightly before walking away on his own.

There was nothing here that could be of worth to someone whose healthy mourning process was already underway.

Shinra hadn't thought of what he would say to convince the clinic's personnel to let him in outside of visiting hours. He realized it when the two women sitting behind the lobby's counter stopped chattering softly to look at him instead. He stilled once he was past the automatic doors, staring into the dimly lit face of the one on the left, his hazy brain struggling to find words.

"Kishitani-san," another voice called.

He and the two women turned their heads toward the back of the hall. Mamiya Manami was sitting in one of the chairs, still wearing the clothes she had when they last talked. When he had recalled, vividly, the end he had set for Izaya, and told it to her without knowing why his guts ached with misery.

Mamiya walked to the secretary on the left and murmured something to her; the woman's face painted itself in practiced sympathy. Shinra's stomach churned.

"Come on," she declared then. "Let's take the elevator."

"I'd find it difficult to take the stairs anyway," he tried to joke, but Mamiya didn't laugh. She didn't look like someone who smiled often, if at all.

The elevator ride was too short and too heavy. Shinra always found summer relatively uncomfortable, and with a third of his body wrapped in plaster, he was prone to overheating. He felt hot sweat gather at the back of his neck before they even reached the third floor and walked out into the dark hallway. The white walls looked endless if he didn't focus on the end of the corridor where a faintly familiar man was sitting, an empty paper cup in hand, smelling strongly of coffee and smoke.

"Kishitani Shinra," he said lowly once Shinra reached his level. "It's been a while."

Shinra smiled tightly, at a loss for words, and the man stood up and chuckled. He extended his hand for Shinra to shake.

"I didn't expect you to remember me. The last time I saw you, you were in high school."

"Oh," Shinra said. He took the man's hand weakly, released it after only a second. "You're the one who…"

"Yeah. Name's Kine." Kine turned his head to the door in front of him. Shinra watched the stripe of light coming out of the room at its bottom and, for the first time, wondered what exactly he would find behind it.

How close to being a corpse it would be.

"I'll be honest with you," Kine said, polite and unaffected. "I don't know what Mamiya told you, and I'm sorry that you came all the way here, but I don't think he wants to see you."

"Has he told you that?" Shinra asked mildly.

Kine shot a dark look to Mamiya, who stared back with the same unfriendly expression on her face, completely unfazed. "He hasn't woken up yet," Kine replied. "The surgery for his stab wound went fine, and it looks like his arms will recover too. His spine… well, we can't know until he wakes up. I thought there was no way we'd get here in time, but that Headless Rider kept him alive long enough, at least."

The man shifted, placing all of his weight onto his heels and looking up at the ceiling, one hand picking a silver case out of the breast pocket of his suit. When he opened it, there were three cigarettes aligned inside.

"He knew he'd have better chances of survival if he went to the closest place," he continued. "But he still ordered us to take him as far away from the city as possible." He opened the window at the very end of the hallway, as far as it would open—not very wide—and lit a cigarette. He spoke while exhaling the smoke into the night air next. "Said he didn't want a monster at his deathbed."

"I see."

Shinra waited until Kine turned his head back to the interstice between window and wall before looking at the hospital room's door once more. He could feel Mamiya's eyes burning the side of his face, growing hotter with every second he stood unable to make himself open it; and Shinra found that for once, he didn't have the will to stare back.

The handle of the door was cold between his fingers. He had to stick his cane under his armpit awkwardly to be able to open it, and neither Kine nor Mamiya offered to help. As it opened—as the light from inside the room hit him and made him blink—he regretted for a second not having brought unsuspecting Kadota with him, not letting him open the door himself so that Shinra simply had to follow him inside. Not having him deal with the emotional load so that he could stand by passively, the way he had on the phone earlier that day.

Izaya was laid flat on his back on the bed. There was a mask above his mouth and nose, and some nurse had stretched a clean white sheet all the way up to his unbound chest. Both of his arms were cast, elbows included, and Shinra found himself looking down at the information on his injuries that was attached to the end of the bed before his eyes could wander to the incrust of blood at his hairline and the many cuts and bruises on him. His face was swollen and blue. He had stitches in his left cheek and tinier cuts everywhere else, healing slowly in the open air.

Mamiya came into the room with him, to his irritation. "Do you need a moment alone?" she asked, even but still vicious, and Shinra stared unseeingly at the letters on the pad and didn't answer.

Kine called her name from outside. She left reluctantly, the fire of her eyes flickering between Shinra and Izaya as if begging for a scrap of something from either of them.

Shinra had had all of middle and high school to learn how to deal with people who tried to get a rise out of him, though.

He sat on the armchair beside Izaya more because his leg was hurting than anything else, pad still clutched between the fingers of his cast hand.

A head wound had to be sewn shut and there was swelling on the spine. The doctor who had written the report hadn't been able to put words onto the extent of the injuries—blunt trauma over the entire body, was what they had settled for. Shinra didn't blame them. It was hard to envision Shizuo's sheer strength even after spending most of his life knowing him.

Most likely, Izaya had been thrown at something. Maybe through a wall. Even more likely, he had driven himself into such a battle-haze that he kept going despite it and only made things worse; Izaya got high off adrenaline like no one Shinra knew. It was the only thing he had considered remotely interesting in Izaya, physically speaking. He remembered fixing injuries that Izaya hardly felt. Injuries he didn't notice until someone pointed them to him. He knew Izaya could punch with a sprained wrist and run on pulled muscles, when he was lost enough into the thrill. It made sense that he would keep trying to fight fate even after damaging his spine.

The broken arms were due to blunt trauma, too. The bones had shattered instantly and messily. There was no way Izaya hadn't felt those.

"You're an idiot," he said to no one, putting the pad back onto his knees. "Just slit your wrists if you want to die so badly."

Of course, Izaya didn't answer. The IV in the back of his right hand was probably administering enough painkillers to keep him under despite the anesthetics having worn off hours ago. Reducing the dosage would wake him up faster, but it would allow for a tremendous amount of pain to be felt. Shinra wouldn't wish it on anyone.

He shifted in his seat, sitting deeper into the armchair and fitting his back to the curve of it. Some of the tension along his shoulders lessened, the ache in his nape abating with it.

"I wonder if you took what I said literally," he murmured. "About Shizuo outliving you as a legend. With how single-minded you are, it wouldn't surprise me."

He could smell the tobacco on Kine even with the door closed. He wondered what the man had done to be allowed to smoke inside a hospital without reprimand. To be allowed to even be here, and allow in visitors, despite how late it was. He probably paid off the entire night shift with Izaya's money.

Shinra didn't have a watch, and his phone was turned off inside his pants' pocket. There was no clock on the wall, the wall TV wasn't on, and he didn't look at the heart monitor Izaya was hooked to either. All he had to base his estimation on was the darkness outside the window and how badly bruised with lack of sleep Izaya's eyes were.

"You almost had the perfect send-off. Making Shizuo kill you. You didn't really think you'd be able to kill him, Orihara-kun." His throat was aching again, his heart fluttering like a bird. He coughed lightly. "You're not stupid enough to think that."

Togusa's van was visible through the window. Shinra couldn't see any lower than the highest of the windows, but the inside was lit, and he saw smoke rise through the light, white and yellow.

"It's fine with me if you want to die," he continued in a whisper, staring outside. "I already have everything I wanted. That must really piss you off—I'm just as bad as you, after all. You must be thinking, 'If Shinra can have it all, then why not me?' I'm okay with you dying if it means I get to keep Celty with me. Now, if the choice was between Shizuo and Celty, maybe I'd have a harder time accepting that I'd prefer him dead, but, well. I don't think anyone alive can kill Shizuo."

"Shinra."

Time froze around him. The beeping of the heart monitor stopped ringing; the smoke above Togusa's van stilled in the shape it was in like a painting; if he breathed, Shinra thought he might be able to see the air coming out of his mouth, so cold was he.

Izaya was blinking tiredly at him, eyes unfocused and face slack with the drugs. Shinra saw the time it took for his brain to register the pain anyway, how the light flickered off his irises as strongly as if he was moaning with it. When Izaya found enough strength to simply frown, Shinra felt it like a blow.

"Wh…"

"You are such a freak," Shinra interrupted—his voice was unsteady. He put his shaking hand on the mask covering Izaya's face and tugged it away gently. "No one in their right mind would wake up now, but you've always been a bit of a masochist, haven't you?"

Izaya was predictably too confused to reply. He contented himself with looking at Shinra's face and blinking, his frown and the soft, wheezing breaths he took the only sign of the strain that this was on him.

"I should call a nurse," Shinra muttered. His chest was pulsing with every heartbeat, almost painfully.

Izaya struggled for a moment. He licked his chapped lips, and then he said, "Where am I?"

"A hospital in the middle of nowhere. Your guard dogs are just outside the room. Can you feel your legs?"

Izaya closed his eyes. "They hurt."

"Mmh. Better than not feeling them."

He kept his eyes on Izaya's face. His hand was still outstretched, hovering above Izaya's torso needlessly. For some reason, he didn't feel like drawing it back toward him. He thought Izaya might fall back asleep immediately, but Izaya opened his eyes, taking a second too long to settle them level with Shinra's again.

"The biology club," he declared.

For a moment, Shinra didn't understand what he was talking about. Then the old classroom they had occupied for a few weeks came back to his mind, with its white walls and potted plants, and he laughed, all nerves and no joy. "What about it?" he said lightly.

"We never… did anything. Biology."

"And whose fault is that? You were always off bullying some other kid into betting their parents' money."

Izaya licked his lips again. Shinra shot a glance to the pot full of water on the nightstand and the assorted glass and straw, but before he could offer some, Izaya spoke. "I never said sorry.."

His face was still very slack. Very unmoving. With how hard he was fighting off the liberation of sleep, it could only have come, of all things, from a place of mental necessity. "You didn't push me in front of the knife," Shinra replied softly.

"Maybe."

His skin was pale under all the bruising and the cuts. The stitches in his cheek must be pulling painfully when he spoke, and Shinra looked once more at the dry skin of Izaya's lips before deciding that some hydration could come before anything else.

He brought a glass full of tepid water to Izaya's lips. Izaya sucked from the straw without commenting on it, and if his expression didn't change, at least his voice was less breezy afterward.

"You're all beat up too," he said.

Shinra smiled. "You already knew about that. Celty was mad that you didn't even message me."

"You hung up on me." Izaya attempted a smile after saying it, but Shinra found that he couldn't pretend to be amused.

This wasn't what he had come for. He hadn't come here after everything only to repeat the same conversation that they could've had when they were twelve. Maybe Izaya was satisfied with putting himself through more pain than necessary just for the same pretend-closeness that had made him cling to the idea of their friendship long after they had stopped being friends—but Shinra wasn't.

"You won't even remember this conversation," he said hoarsely. "You'll fall back asleep and forget I was ever here. I could tell your pets outside not to tell you I came, and you wouldn't even think to question them about it. How does that make you feel?"

Izaya's eyelids lowered slightly, satisfaction shining over his face. "I'll remember," he replied.

"You won't. And the worst thing is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether I was here or not, or what I said. You'd keep being the same anyway." Shinra's arm had started shaking from the strain of keeping itself above the side of the bed—above Izaya—neither touching nor drawing back. He thought it must be what he felt like inside his mind as well. All those years. Neither touching nor drawing back. "You'll keep thinking you and I are caught in a little world of our own that no one else is privy to, and it'll be enough to make you call yourself my friend."

Izaya smiled at him. It was lopsided, because of his wounds. "Isn't that enough?"

"No," Shinra replied, his own lips stretching into the most miserable excuse for happiness that he had ever offered. "We're not friends, Orihara-kun."

Izaya looked at the ceiling pensively. His pupils were so dilated from the drugs that his eyes looked entirely black. It was a wonder he managed to be so coherent.

"You know me," Izaya said slowly. "Not just my name. You know how I am."

"A lot of people know how you are. You tend to shove that in everyone's faces."

But Izaya shook his head—or tried to, at least. "You know me. You knew it would end like this. I've always liked that about you. Proving you wrong, proving you right… I like it either way."

Shinra's hand fell onto Izaya, fingers grabbing his shoulder too tightly, and Izaya let out a grunt of pain so stark that it left Shinra shaking. "Do you like this?" he hissed, tongue burning in his mouth. "Do you enjoy the thought of having almost died? Of having almost made a murderer out of Shizuo?"

"It's fun because you don't care if I live or die," Izaya said through his teeth.

"But I do care!" Shinra snapped back.

Izaya's chest stilled under his forearm. Shinra felt his eyes dampen, saw the mist gather on the lenses of his glasses, and he took them off harshly, letting go of Izaya's shoulder. He spent the next few seconds wiping them with the edge of his shirt as best as he could one-handedly. When he put them back on, his face was still too warm. The mist spread again just as quickly.

He took in a painful breath. "You think I'm like you, and you're wrong," he said. "I'm not better than you, but I never wanted to see you in this state. I was a kid and I joked about it, and I kept joking as an adult, but I never seriously—"

He had to stop, gasping. His side was throbbing from the fall the day before, his hip especially. He didn't have any medicine on him to help.

"You need to stop taking everything that comes out of my mouth as prophecy," he added, in the end. "You need to stop thinking about me like this."

"How should I think about you, then?" Izaya asked in a weak voice.

Shinra almost replied Figure it out. If not for the shine of sweat on Izaya's face and the drug-confusion in his eyes and voice, he would have.

He placed his hand where Izaya's neck met his shoulder. Despite the warmth, Izaya's skin instantly prickled with shivers under his palm, and when Shinra brushed the hollow of Izaya's throat with his thumb, Izaya's breathing stilled.

"I came here to say goodbye," Shinra said. "That's all."

He felt Izaya's neck move as he swallowed. Shinra moved his hand further up, until the heel of his palm was against his ear and he could dig his fingers into his damp, unwashed hair—until he could touch the crusted blood there and imagine what Izaya must have looked like when it was still running down his face.

He doubted Shizuo would remember. He doubted Izaya himself had any inkling of the sight he must have provided, lost enough in his own despair that he would fight with his entire body in shock.

Izaya's hair was soft, even as dirty as it was. Shinra hadn't touched it since the day Izaya had come to school in a boy's uniform and with his long locks cut down to nothing. It had been done professionally, probably with the money he had gathered from all the gambling.

It was the only time Izaya had asked Shinra to touch him.

"I missed you," Izaya said. "Since high school." His voice was heavy with sleep.

Shinra reached up awkwardly with his injured arm, just enough to wiggle his fingers under his glasses and get rid of the wetness there. "I know. I'm sorry." The words came out of him rougher than he had ever known.

"Don't apologize if you don't mean it."

Shinra wouldn't have meant it hours ago, when he was still sitting naked on his bed and listening to the sound of Kadota's tears. He did now.

"I have to go," he told Izaya, and Izaya's mouth shook for a second. "I know you won't remember this, but… take care of yourself. Go to therapy. Physical and otherwise."

Izaya let out an amused breath. "Really."

"Yeah," Shinra replied. "Really."

His fingers stroked through greasy strands of hair with no concern for the grime and blood. The touch seemed to make Izaya feel drowsy; when Shinra started pulling back his hand, Izaya's eyes opened wider, looking red from the light and from the tiny crimson lines that burst blood vessels had drawn into their whites.

"If this is goodbye," Izaya said slowly. "Then let me have one thing, before you go."

He looked at Shinra, suggestion clear on his fear; and Shinra's blood rushed to his head, leaving warm, tingling trails all through his body. Breathing in and out became a harder task. "This isn't a good idea."

"Do you care?" Izaya replied, a little more harshly. "Be honest, Shinra. Do you truly care about something like this? Have you ever?"

Shinra licked his lips and looked away. The translucent plastic glass on the nightstand was still almost full, and the light above his head bounced off of it to rest on Izaya's pillow, a couple inches away from his head. His eyes focused on this tiny speck of fractured light as he thought about it. When he rose to his feet and then leaned forward, it was this one stripe of yellow and blue that he was watching—but still he saw the way Izaya's breathing stopped, the way he closed his eyes in expectation, either for a kiss or a blow.

Shinra pressed his lips to Izaya's forehead for a few seconds. Just long enough that his lips grew warm from the contact. Just enough to feel the difference between skin and injury. When Izaya breathed out, at last, the air moving out of his lungs parted around Shinra's throat.

"You're drugged out of your mind," Shinra said. He didn't move back as he spoke, simply looked down at Izaya's face right beneath his. "And you stink. Not very appealing."

"Whatever, Shinra," Izaya said. His breath brushed over Shinra's face as he spoke. "You just said no to the only person willing and able to kiss you. Have fun with that."

He was smiling, though, the stitched wound in his cheek dangerously stretched.

Shinra waited until Izaya was back asleep after that. It didn't take long. The few minutes they had gotten were already miraculous, almost enough to make him think Izaya would remember them.

It wouldn't matter if he did. Shinra didn't think he would ever see Izaya again anyway, or hear from him. He opened the window to let fresh air into the stuffy room, and music came in too, scratchy, from Togusa's van's radio. He filled his mind with the sight that Izaya made on the bed, hurt beyond anything he had ever experienced; he let the sound of Izaya's voice wash over his mind, flat and joyless, still struck dumb by shock and medicine. He had no doubt that Izaya would experience a much greater emotional backlash from all of this later on.

One he would have to bear alone, through no fault but his.

Shinra stood up from the armchair. The fake leather had become uncomfortably warm and sticky from prolonged contact, and he felt no regret in leaving it despite the flaring pain in his hip. He placed his arm in his crutch and hopped around the bed, making sure not to jerk it around.

"I'm glad I met you," Izaya mumbled.

Shinra's hand slipped on the handle of the door, face burning, chest bruised from his own beating heart. He couldn't see much through the misty stains on his glasses—they came either from the sweat or from the tears, he couldn't tell anymore.

For a very long second, he considered looking back. He thought about texting Kadota and telling him to leave him here. He thought about sitting by Izaya's side until the sun rose and Izaya himself awoke again.

He thought about Celty back home. He thought about Izaya here.

"Yeah," he replied, the word so heavy on his tongue that he almost sobbed with it. He tugged the door open to the darkness and silence of the hallway. "Sleep well, Izaya."

--

Kadota was asleep across the last row of the seats when Shinra got back. Togusa was sitting on the ground with his back to the driver's door, smoking a cigarette, his other hand busy playing a game on his phone.

"Hey, Kishita—" he interrupted himself when he looked up to Shinra's face, the stub falling from between his fingers. "Wow, are you crying?"

His voice seemed to rouse Kadota from his sleep. He sat up on the back seats, taking off his beanie and ruffling his own hair. The surprise took a longer time to reach his face when he noticed Shinra.

"Are you all right?" he asked, stunned. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Shinra laughed. He took off his glasses, sticking them between the fingers of the hand he couldn't move because of the cast. With his other he wiped the wetness from his face. This time, when he blinked, no new tears came. "It seems the patient died after all."

Kadota and Togusa exchanged a look. "Well," Kadota said. "I guess even you can get upset by stuff like this after all. Sorry, man."

"We're all tired, after yesterday," Togusa added with an empathetic nod. "Or the day before yesterday. What time is it?"

"One, I think."

"Fuck. We won't be back until four if we have to drive the doc all the way home…"

Shinra sat down on the edge of the seat right behind the driver's, legs spread in front of him, toes touching the asphalt of the parking lot. From here he could see Izaya's window on the third floor, right at the corner of the building. Kine and Mamiya most likely hadn't come back yet, because the light was still on inside.

The night air felt good on his face. It was cool despite the hot heaviness of summer; cooler than the hot blood painting his skin red from inside and gentler than the misery and regret gathering inside his chest. They ached right to the left of his heart, as painful as a stab wound. The tiny scar at the lowest of his belly was throbbing as if to echo them.

So this is grief, Shinra thought. He didn't remember feeling like when his mother left him. He couldn't recall thinking of anyone with the same urge to sob, with the same knot in his throat and hole in his stomach.

"Let's go home, then," Kadota said. He had hopped out of the back and was stretching as much as he could with one arm still out of service. Togusa patted his back and went inside the van, the key entering the ignitor with a soft, metallic sound.

Shinra tore his eyes away from the window of Izaya's room. "Let's go home," he repeated in confirmation.

Even that wasn't enough to lighten the weight in him. Even the soothing sound and feeling of the van's engine running over smooth roads wasn't enough to lull him into sleep. Shinra thought about home, about Celty, and still the ache remained, pulsing with every breath like a physical wound.

Home would always be tinged with longing, now. Stained with blood.

#durarara!! #izashin #shinzaya #kishitani shinra #orihara izaya #fic: mercy bid

[ichika27]

TWEWY 10

The town looks gloomier now.

New episode today and spoiler warning as always! Can’t believe we’re at 10 now and then next month we’re getting a sequel. It feels like it was just yesterday when the fandom was still asking for anything new to come out and worrying that nothing would ever come. *sigh* time passes by so quickly.

The people are brainwashed by the red skull pins. They also said the thing, I believe! Not sure cause ani-one has a different translation but it’s probably the same stuff they said in the game! And they had it chanting in the background for a bit which I thought was cool.

Oh and someone else pointed out how pins aren’t really much of a thing in the anime since they’re not used apart from the player pins so I guess the 2nd major use of it is the red skull pins which they can’t really take away.

Beat points out how it’s the red pins that’s doing all this and that it’s probably the Composer who is behind this, too. The one who designed both must be CAT so CAT is the Composer. Neku who looks up to Mr. Hanekoma and wants to keep trusting him tells Beat that the theory is wrong since Mr. Hanekoma had been helping out Joshua in finding the Composer.

*sigh* if this was Among Us, those two people are impostors who have just self-reported lol (I hate using this joke but it’s the first thing that came to mind).

The two decide to continue their search for Konishi and on the way, Beat finally talks about how he didn’t really have anything to strive for before all of this and it was the cause of his arguments with his parents. Rhyme kept encouraging him though and now he dreams of becoming a great skateboarder. I was wondering if they’d ever bring this up again since they didn’t add the bit about the Bito siblings’ parents the last time.

Taboo Minamimoto appears again! Bad lighting here though. It seems he’s having a bit of trouble.

The duo finds that a few walls were destroyed which meant they have no need for a keypin. They follow the trail to Udagawa.

They find the sigil emanating weird dark aura around it and upon taking a photo of the past, they see this.... evidence.

The reaper duo suddenly appears! Both are brainwashed and so a fight begins. It seems hopeless and they’re not acting like themselves at all until Beat accidentally knocked off Uzuki’s pin and the two realized what they needed to do.

I believe the reaper duo has their own fusion attack in the game. I guess they’re not putting them on here.

Afterwards, Neku decides he’s going to see Mr. Hanekoma to ask questions.

On the way they realize they’re not the only ones headed the same direction.

Afterwards they decide to go to Wildkat which is of course, destroyed. They use the camera again to see Mr. Hanekoma hiding something.

They found it and have obtained another keypin (and a letter)! Neku recognizes the noise symbol on the envelope it’s in and realizes their next objective is to go to Shibuya River. The letter on the other hand is Mr. Hanekoma telling them that they should “Beware of Shadows” (dude, if you already know the answer, why not just tell them smh) and that after finding and defeating Konishi, the real battle begins (oh boy how it does!).

Neku now has more questions: why does Mr. H have a keypin to Shibuya River and if he has always had it, why never give it to Joshua who needed it and had been asking for help? How very suspicious... lol.

Minamimoto finally shows up with better lighting! He shows off his taboo version (I can already hear some fans cheering). Neku is confused as to how this is possible and Minamimoto explains the taboo thing. Minamimoto also seems to have noticed the thing in Beat’s shadow hehe.

Neku asks him if he’s the one behind the brainwashing and he says the pins were from Kitaniji (the Conductor) and therefore, the one behind this is probably the Composer (well technically... he’s kinda right? I mean Kitaniji wouldn’t have done this if the Composer never threatened to destroy the town so...).

Minamimoto also asks where Mr. H is to which the duo responds that they don’t know. A fight breaks out afterwards. Minamimoto is faster now and stronger, too. Sadly, our duo got beaten and wakes up the next day.

Not knowing where else to go, they decided to head straight to Shibuya River (where Minamimoto had already gone to the day before). They don’t notice that Konishi is with them watching them on the trail they’re following and getting info herself.

--

When Minamimoto asked where Mr. H is, my mind is just “We know where he is lol.”. I hope Joshua enjoyed himself on the other world. If tin pin still existed in there, then he probably had loads of fun plus maybe he ate some ramen, too. (Yeah, I’m not over tin pin and ramen not making it to the anime. Neku could fanboy over CAT but Joshua can’t play tin pin and show how much he knows about food? Me, the Joshua fangirl, mourns the loss of these valuable screentime! Also, I feel bad that Makoto’s story is gone and the Prince now just looks like a show off cause the ramen wars that was cut off also showed how much he values saying the truth and how much he cares about his fans. Also Shooter didn’t show up except for that little cameo I didn’t see but people point out).

I like the little detail that Minamimoto seem to have noticed the shadow thing. He probably realized where Konishi is but didn’t feel like helping the duo.

Anyways, I wonder if the things about Mr. H ever crosses Neku’s mind later on. Like, they find out Josh is the Composer but they never got an answer as to what Mr. H is and the last time he ever sees Mr. H, it was after his duel with Josh and only for a few seconds. I wonder if Neku looks at CAT’s mural and thinks about these things still.

How will they handle next week’s episode? They gotta fight Konishi, then brainwashed Shiki, then Kitaniji (several times), and then Joshua’s revelation... there’s so much to cover! Is this gonna be a 13 episode anime? Are they gonna use 11 and 12 for all this and cram A New Day on the 13th episode? How will they pull this all off?

I’m curious as to how this will go. I do hope they do it all well. This thing is super rushed but it feels much more so now that we’re near the end. Well, I guess we’ll find out next time.

#Subarashiki Kono Sekai #the world ends with you #twewy #subaseka #sana_post

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 11/15/19

Accomplishments of the Duke’s Daughter, Vol. 5 | By Reai and Suki Umemiya | Seven Seas – We actually get a welcome reminder that Iris is a “reincarnated into an otome game” heroine in this volume, something that’s mostly been ignored aside from her accounting skills. But when her younger brother tries to apologize to her for what happened at school, her Japanese self wants to forgive him but the “Iris” part of her just can’t. It’s well handled. Elsewhere, Iris is going around looking into Yuri and also threats to her kingdom, and it’s starting to get her into trouble. She’s also falling for Dean, despite trying to have nothing to do with romance again. We end with a cliffhanger involving excommunication! Still a lot of fun—I’d love to read the novels. – Sean Gaffney

Anne Happy, Vol. 10 | By Cotoji | Yen Press – This final volume doesn’t really “wrap up” the main plot—there is no magical anti-bad-luck MacGuffin that can fix things. We do get a very small flashback of their teacher which shows that she had perhaps worse circumstances than the rest of them, but has learned to keep happy and carry on, so to speak. Which is the moral of the series, really—smile even though life is bringing you down. Hibari is the one who needs that lesson here, as a chance at a family reunion is once again fouled up by her parents’ busy lives. That said, we do see here that luck can also be changed through determination, which is nice. And is that some slight yuri at the end? Anne Happy was never anything but fluff, but it was highly entertaining fluff. Good ending. – Sean Gaffney

Dreamin’ Sun, Vol. 10 | By Ichigo Takano | Seven Seas – Well, I did it. I persevered to the end and finished Dreamin’ Sun. To the end, I never was fully convinced by the relationship between Shimana and Taiga, and that includes the big finale here, in which the gang is able to get Taiga’s dad to stop meddling in his son’s affairs—we never really get a good explanation why Taiga has remained under his thumb for so long—and thus Taiga is able to go to college (alongside Shimana) and finally pursue his dream of becoming a teacher. They also get married and I must boggle at the detail that they do so after having only kissed once, two years ago. I don’t expect realism in shoujo romance, but I guess my credulity has its limits. I did like Zen and Saeko, though. In the end, this never came close to measuring up to orange. Oh well. – Michelle Smith

Durarara!! re: Dollars Arc, Vol. 5 | By Ryohgo Narita, Suzuhito Yasuda, and Aogiri | Yen Press – Izaya is setting up his plots again here, when he’s not fighting with his sisters, but the real villains this time around are Ruri’s psycho fans, who bat Shinra bloody and also attack Anri. Fortunately, she is saved by her two best frie3nds. Unfortunately, one of them, Mikado, is revealed to now be the leader of the Blue Squares, much to Masaomi’s horror. You know all this from the light novel and the anime—once again the manga gets third place. Still, some of the fight scenes are good, and if you’re looking for a manga version of the story, this is that. Damning with faint praise. We’re still only up to book eight or so, too. You really should try the light novels, which have now finished. – Sean Gaffney

Fruits Basket Another, Vol. 3 | By Natsuki Takaya| Yen Press – The first chapter of this final volume once again irritated me for burying me in next-gen cast all at once (along with Hiro’s sister, who again is not a main character so gets to be seen). It gets better as it goes along, with a serious look at not letting your parents’ abuse become your own fault. Sawa, it turns out, is connected to the Sohmas in a far more serious way than she remembered, and one flashback scene verges on terrifying. (Shiki says “she slipped on snow,” but that’s not what we see.) Notably, the situation is not resolved—she’s still living with her mom in the end—but then, we also learn it didn’t resolve itself for the Furuba cast either—Ren is making Shiki’s life miserable, because she’s like that. As such, this justifies this spinoff’s existence—barely. – Sean Gaffney

Fruits Basket Another, Vol. 3 | By Natsuki Takaya | Yen Press – In this final volume, we learn more about Sawa’s psychotic mother, including that she had some involvement with the Sohma family in the past. When Sawa asks about this, with much dread, Mutsuki reveals the full story and that everyone knew who she was all along. In fact, Shiki was central to this past event and, with Ren continuing her reign of terror he felt kinship with Sawa and worried about what had become of her. The Sohmas were indeed trying to help her, but they were also trying to help Shiki, too. In the end, this did come around to being genuinely compelling and I wish there were more, because as Sawa notes, she still hasn’t made it out of her horrible situation. If only we could’ve been spared one last appearance by Takei-sensei. Sigh. – Michelle Smith

High School Prodigies Have It Easy Even in Another World!, Vol. 5 | By Riku Misora and Kotaro Yamada | Yen Press – The start of this book gives all the fanservice that four was missing and more, as we get naked massages before a bath. Half of this is tolerable, as Ringo tries to find it in her shy self to go on a date with Tsukasa, and we get her tragic past, which (surprise!) involves a lot of child abuse. The second half involves making more medicine since the penicillin isn’t prevalent enough—time for sulfa drugs. Sadly, there’s an evil doctor who’s in the way, so our heroin doctor, um, lobotomizes him? And this is presented as good and/or humorous? Yeah, OK, I’m out. This was a mildly entertaining take on the isekai fantasy with an entire group of OP geniuses, but what the hell? – Sean Gaffney

An Incurable Case of Love, Vol. 1 | By Maki Enjoji | Viz Media – Several of Enjoji’s manga series are now available in English, but An Incurable Case of Love is actually the first that I’ve read. Five years ago, Nanase was inspired to go into medicine after meeting an attractive and accomplished young doctor in the hopes of meeting him again. Unsurprisingly, Tendo’s not quite the person she expected him to be when she finally gets the chance to work with him. In reality, her idealized prince has a harsh and exacting personality. Even though Nanase’s original motivation for becoming a nurse was perhaps less than pure, and while it may not be immediately obvious to some, she really does take both herself and her chosen profession seriously. Had it been otherwise, I don’t think I would have liked the manga, but the first volume is a largely enjoyable start to the series and I’m always glad to see more josei being translated. – Ash Brown

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Part 4: Diamond Is Unbreakable, Vol. 3 | By Hirohiko Araki| Viz Media – One of my initial exposures to Araki’s aptly named manga series JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure was actually through a tangentially-related work, Rohan at the Louvre, which features the character Rohan Kishibe, a rather intense genius manga creator. Rohan made his first appearance in Diamond Is Unbreakable, so I’ve been looking forward to his introduction since I started reading the series. His debut happens towards the end of this particular volume, following several other short story arcs including one, much to my delight, that proves any manga can indeed be a food manga. This volume has a fair amount of humor to go along with its strange brand of horror and absurd action, too. As a whole, this part of the series comes across a bit more episodic and perhaps slightly more comedic than its predecessors. I’m enjoying Diamond Is Unbreakble in all of its glorious ridiculousness a great deal. – Ash Brown

My Hero Academia SMASH!, Vol. 2 | By Hirofumi Neda| Viz Media – I don’t think I reviewed the first volume of this gag series spinoff to the famous shonen manga, but that’s a shame, as it’s really well handled. The gags are personality-based, and the series is not afraid to veer totally away from the source material when needed—half the sports festival is different events, and some battles that don’t lend themselves to gags are omitted. And then there’s Gran Torino, who does not live up to the adorable tsundere granddaughter teaching Izuku in his dreams. There’s a lot of great Uraraka stuff here, for her fans, and a lot of great Yaoyorozu gags as well, though her fans may be a bit annoyed at how socially inept she’s shown to be. Basically, this is hilarious. – Sean Gaffney

Our Wonderful Days, Vol. 1 | By Kei Hamuro | Seven Seas – Given the cover art and the magazine that this ran in, I was expecting that I’d be reading about the lead couple on the cover. And I am, and they’re both cute—I like the fact that, despite having the “serious black-haired girl” personality type, Mafuyu is the only one whose grades are bad. But I’m actually more drawn to the other couple, Nana and Minori, best friends to main girl Koharu, who live in an apartment together to attend school and behave exactly like a married couple without actually being one. How yuri this will get is still unknown—so far we’re still at “I may like her”—but if you like your slice-of-life high school with a dash of sweet and cute, this will put a smile on your face. – Sean Gaffney

Shortcake Cake, Vol. 6 | By suu Morishita | VIZ Manga – I really loved how this volume of Shortcake Cake portrays Ten’s reaction to Chiaki’s surprising confession. She tries to let him down gently, and is upset about hurting her friend and conscientious about not leading him on. It’s not played for the drama of a love triangle—it’s just sad. And yet, she still does like Riku very much and wants to let him know that her feelings have changed, but now the Chiaki situation has made everything more complicated. Some really cute scenes ensue, but actually most of the volume takes place in Ten’s head as she worries and overthinks everything. We’re halfway through the series at this point and, though it seems like she and Riku will officially get together in the next volume, that’s a lot of time for things to go wrong somehow. Man, I love Margaret shoujo. – Michelle Smith

Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san, Vol. 2 | By Honda | Yen Press – The second volume of Skull-Face Bookseller Honda-san is much like the first, with Honda covering more aspects of the bookselling business, including the talented distribution chief with a knack for anticipating what will sell, dealing with “harmful publications,” wholesalers who never supply as many copies as are requested, the difficulty in promoting books that are receiving high-profile adaptations (particularly when bonus items feature popular idols), and dealing with a customer who happens to be a yakuza. It’s pleasant, but I was kind of bummed to learn that after Honda published the chapter about customer service training, she got in some trouble with her bosses and now has to get their approval for everything she writes and worries about being fired. That’s a shame. – Michelle Smith

Snow White with the Red Hair, Vol. 4 | By Sorata Akiduki | Viz Media – If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that this series was going to end with the next volume. The reason for that is a very surprise mutual confession between our two leads, something which I was not expecting to happen for at least a dozen more volumes. It is really well handled, though, and shows that these two shoujo protagonists are actually smart enough to pick up on signals. We also get some backstory for one of Zen’s two guards, Mitsuhide, who is asked by Zen’s older brother to watch over him and therefore must gain the trust of someone who doesn’t trust very easily—and even when he does, he seems to be betrayed. Zen and Shirayuki are very good for each other, and I’m excited to see where this goes. – Sean Gaffney

Snow White with the Red Hair, Vol. 4 | By Sorata Akiduki | VIZ Media – This volume almost feels like a final volume, what with Zen and Shirayuki affirming their feelings for one another and their determination to stay by the other’s side, come what may. The final page seems to suggest a happy ending. Except this is volume four and there are 21 volumes so far. Maybe this was the point where the series changed magazines? In any case, it’s a very nice volume, with Shirayuki showing her willingness to act in Zen’s stead when his station prevents him from doing so—and giving us a glimpse of the upbringing that led to her always trying hard and being independent—as well as a revealing flashback to six years ago when Zen’s friend betrayed him but he found a new person to trust in Mitsuhide. I really enjoy this series! – Michelle Smith

The Water Dragon’s Bride, Vol. 11 | By Rei Toma | Viz Media – There’s some gorgeous art here, which is good as it may take the mind away from the fact that this is really drawn out for a finale. The basic premise—send Asahi back and the water dragon dies—is obvious, despite Asahi’s protests, and you get the sense that the other gods will eventually do something about it, but it does take forever to happen, with lots of longing pages with no dialogue. Also, how does Asahi return to her normal life so quickly? Still, it’s a happy ending, and the last two pages of the “afterword” 4-kon section make up for it with a hysterical deconstruction of why the Water Dragon won the romance war and Subaru did not. Despite not quite sticking the landing, this was a very good series. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown

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