#but I NEVER talked about it on my blog until the end of October

[mauesartetc]

FREE PALESTINE MASTERPOST

Trying to keep this blog more art- and creativity-focused in general, so I'll be removing the Gaza-related reblogs that are about a month old. But I'll use this post as a permanent archive that will update periodically (some of this information will grow dated as the situation develops, but I think it's important to keep a record of just how fiercely opposed people were to Israel's actions from this moment forward). We should all continue to raise our voices about this, and refuse to support politicians who enable genocide. Remember, they work for us, not the other way around. Keep going.

October 2023

-Donation links

-Social media links

-US congress ceasefire script

-Decolonizepalestine.com (information, mythbusting)

-More donation links

-Ways to pressure politicians for a ceasefire

-HUGE resource list

-"Is there anything I can do to help Palestinians besides call my representatives and beg them to stop killing people?"

-"We are isolated now"

-Palestine and landback

-210 PAGES of dead people's names.

-Bail money for Palestine Action

-Article list

-US action items

-Boycott info

-Grand Central Station shut down by protestors

-Message to white American citizens

-UK ceasefire petition

-How YOU can help Palestine (regularly updated!)

-"Please try amidst all this fury and grief to still have faith in the common people." (+donation links)

-Reminder about protest etiquette and privacy

-Prints for Palestine

-"We have no communication with the outside world. They are using their military might to harm us. We have no power but the power of God, no one but God. Please, pray for us." (spoken over mosque speakers)

-DAILY donate button + more donation links

-"Doesn't Israel have a right to exist too?"

-Script for US Congress calls

-Queerness under apartheid

-Sudan is also at war

-Hundreds of thousands of protestors in London

-Half a million.

-Tips for folks with phone anxiety

-This comic got real

-European and Canadian ceasefire scripts

-"The people of Gaza see the protests. That is reason enough to come even if nothing else." WE HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN YOU. WE ARE HERE.

November 2023

-More genocides than just Palestine

-How to buy e-sims to circumvent Gaza's internet blackout

-"Occupying territories is illegal. Resistance to occupying forces is legal."

-MASSIVE resource list

-"For decades now the media has told us Muslim men are savages, terrorists, wife beaters and everything in between. I want you to challenge this trope the next time you see it in the media. Let these photos serve as a reminder."

-"Don't stop talking about the Palestinian genocide. IT'S WORKING."

-UN resignation letter

-Israel won't allow Irish or Brazilian citizens to leave Gaza

-"Palestine must never be forgotten. Promise me that." (from the documentary "Children of Shatila")

-Gifs of pro-Palestine rallies around the world

-Support Palestine's last kufiya factory

-Protestors flood the streets in Washington DC

-Explanation of why calling representatives is a numbers game

-FREE ebooks on the history of this conflict

-Petition to screen films by Palestinian directors

-Call to boycott Gal Godot's work

-Indigenous activists block weapons shipment to Israel

-If you're attending a protest, DON'T TELL YOUR GOVERNMENT SHIT. Y'know, friendly advice.

-Links to support Palestine Action and Palestine Legal. Get in the way.

-Parallels between Israel and the surveillance tactics used by NYC mayor Eric Adams

-Don't spiral into doomerism. Persevere.

-Want a different strategy to contact your representatives? Try faxing them!

-Florida rep Michelle Salzman calls for the death of all Palestinians

-"The phone doesn't stop" :)

-Indian trade unions call on the government to scrap deals with Israel

-An overview of Israel's human rights violations, and two major political groups that have exacerbated Zionism in the US

-Israeli man explains why he's protesting

-"Whoever stays until the end will tell the story. We did what we could. Remember us."

-US House of Representatives votes to send billions of dollars worth of weapons to Israel

-Canadian email campaign and petitions

-"Canada's First Nation standing with Palestine"

-"Freedom is infectious as it is just and no one is free until they ALL are."

-Israeli forces invade al-Shia hospital

-Leaked list of weapons the US has sent to Israel

-Only 32% of Americans believe the US should support Israel

-Cop City action demonstrates how to protest effectively

-Refugee grandmother "doesn't have to imagine a multicultural and integrated Palestine- she remembers it".

-Protestors block the Bay Bridge in San Francisco (plus bail fund)

-Israeli forces attack schools in northern Gaza. SCHOOLS.

-Journalist shares an update from an Indonesian hospital and pleads for others to spread it around as it "may be the last video we are able to send"

-Scottish Parliament votes overwhelmingly to demand a ceasefire

-Sobering texts from a friend providing humanitarian aid in Gaza. "They have been distributing guns to the civilian settlers and allowing them into the West Bank to terrorize people" "We have been given option to leave. None took it"

-"the absolute bare minimum in this situation is 1) a complete ceasefire and immediate humanitarian aid in Gaza, 2) complete halt of all military foreign aid to the Israeli government, 3) the Israeli government being prosecuted for its war crimes in the International Criminal Court, and 4) land back and reparations for the Palestinian people. free Palestine means free Palestine, not just temporarily stop carpet bombing Palestine."

-"It's important that you keep posting and speaking about the ongoing genocide. This 5 day agreement isn't the end of things."

-Boosting the incredible, FREE daily donate button again

-Protests at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

-"REMINDER THAT ANTISEMITES AREN'T WELCOME HERE AND WON'T BE TOLERATED"

#free palestine #masterpost #master list #long post

[prussiasqueen]

Hey genuine question: how can someone be both pro-Israel and pro-Palestine? I understand you have family and friends in Israel but how can you be both when Israel has been

-using white phosphorus bombs

-targeting Palestinian journalists for reporting the truth

-shooting children (even BABIES) in the head

-refuse hostage negotiations

-basically running concentration camps and torturing Palestinian civilians

And a bunch of other war criminal shit that even South Africa has recognized

People criticizing Israel and wanting them to give back the land to Palestine is not antisemitism. Yes, there are people who take it too far but historically, Israel is a settler nation and Palestine should get the land back. No sane person is saying they want Jewish people dead/not have a place to go. There are Jewish people in Palestine, it was never about wanting Jewish people dead, it’s about freedom and ending the occupation.

I apologize for the lengthy rant, I just want to help educate people on this matter.

Ok so I’m gonna keep this simple as I can anon, not because I don’t think your questions aren’t important… but it sounds like to me you may need to actually sit down and talk to some Israeli people and get the full scoop and idea of what’s happening on BOTH sides. Can’t really rely too much on listening to just one side, because ya know… propaganda and how the media twists so much.

As stated a lot of what you are saying sounds like a bunch of propaganda and rinse and repeat of the same things being said over and over again.

Truth of the matter is, you’re not seeing beyond October 7th, you’re not seeing what’s been going on beyond 1948, a little bit of searching online and heck, even checking in with Israelis about said information could help a ton with this. Secondly, all the information you provided, Hamas literally did the same things to the Israeli as well and to their own people. Hamas has been torturing people since before all this has happened. Literally you sound like someone who hasn’t batted an eye to any of this until suddenly when things happened during October 7th.

This was never a genocide, this has always been a conflict.

There’s so much here to cover, maybe I should suggest you chatting with parts of jewblr?

Another man I might recommend listening and watching is Mosab Hassan Yousef.

A Palestinian man who not only is just a Palestinian but the son of Hamas co-founder, he is also known as “the green prince” you want some true insight and someone who can really break it down for you to understand, I highly recommend having a listen to his videos online (if you can find them) and also his book “The Son of Hamas” Will help give you a better perspective.

I personally could actually sit down and look at you and say, “alright, so where do we start” but I really don’t feel I need to explain when you can literally see what a lot of us have been saying. I mean hell, if you really wanna know more… (I won’t say tumblr is the best of sourcing but, the Jewish community here and my own reblogs on my other blog have walls and walls and walls of text and sources you can go and read.)

“Shooting children, even babies in the head”

Were you…. Not present when you heard what they did to some of the hostages? Umm… you do know that Hamas killed women and children too, right? I mean this is a conflict and war… I mean like I said so much to cover…

War is gray area when it comes to how it is, it’s never fully one sided, there’s casualties everywhere and there is no winning outcome in it at all.

Also can I just… can I throw one thing in here, yes people want Jews dead. People have been wanting Jews dead since the beginning of human existence on earth, I don’t know what planet where you think this is not the case, but Jews have been ostracized for many many many many years, by the Romans, ancient Egyptian, Greeks, the Germans, the polish, the Russian, the Turkish, and the list goes on and on and on, let’s be real here most of Middle East does not want Israel to exist and the people in it. (Especially Jewish) most Palestinians that support Hamas, do indeed want the Jews dead. That’s not up for debate, so by saying no “sane” person wants Jews dead, well when you support a terrorist group like Hamas, you do want Jews dead. End of discussion.

Many one else willing to help put in more info here… that’d be awesome.

@bottlepiecemuses you have anything to add to this for anon? I’m like really tired and don’t feel like breaking this down more…

#jewblr #anon wants to have all this questions asked and I’m gonna be honest this blog wasn’t meant for politics and war but ok #I am honestly just tired of answering these type of questions because I mean they’ve literally been posted everywhere for these guys to rea #israel #discourse #tw debating on Israel -Palestine war #jumblr #jews of tumblr #antisemitism #🇮🇱

[peachesofteal]

How many followers have you've gained since posting COD fandiction because I've feel like you're work is amongst the most popular here in COD tumblr?

First, let me preface this by saying: I was born in the 90s and I've been on Tumblr since 2011.

This feels awkward to me (no hate to you anon) and I think it's just because I don't usually discuss this stuff. It's not really of interest to me but I will answer this because you're not the first person to ask something along these lines, and I’ve consistently ignored these types of questions, which is not entirely fair to the askers.

I've had this Tumblr since October of last year (it's not my only one) and I started out originally posting Sandman and TLOU fic. I posted my first Simon Riley fic in early December on AO3, and didn't even bring it to Tumblr until February. Since then, my follower count has grown pretty steadily, and as of today it sits at just over five thousand. I don't really like talking about this because I've seen so many people get down about themselves in the name of the comparison game and I don't enjoy feeling like I am contributing to that. Not comparing myself to others is something that I have consciously worked at doing in all aspects of my life, for my own mental health and happiness, and I don't do it here. I don't like to contribute to it either. This is why (among other reasons) I've never done a follower celebration. I feel guilt about it because I love you all so much and I'm so grateful to our little community that we've built on this blog, I think we've really cultivated a nice space for each other here where we can indulge in the things we enjoy without judgement (ahem) and take comfort in stories, but I have performance/deadline/life in general anxiety and doing follower celebrations have always intimidated me because I would hate to disappoint any of you, and like I said, I don't play the comparison game.

As far as my work being popular on Tumblr, I think my writing can be an acquired taste that is not always for everyone (which is completely okay, as I have said before, I support everyone creating their own experiences and using the block button liberally) and I would disagree with your opinion (respectfully)

At the end of the day: I care more about writing my silly little stories and having a good time with all of you over the amount of notes on my posts or how many people know I exist.

#peaches asks #I really debated answering this and I hope it makes sense

[the-catboy-minyan]

I think the main problem with most pro-Palestinians is that they don’t want a debate. They want to insult, belittle you, and show you gruesome pictures until you join their side.

At least for me, they never seem to prove me wrong, they just insult me and when sneak down to their level but carry facts they just insult me again or beat a dead horse.

Like a lot of them just say genocide, oppression, white supremacy, and colonialism and think their correct, because their saying big words.

A lot of their talking points are facts their emotional. Which sorry isn’t how you win an argument.

Me saying 28,000 give or take isn’t even an 8th of Gaza population or that if Israel really wanted this war over or this to be a genocide they could have ended this all on October 10th.

Sure that sounds rude but it’s true. Just a lot of arguments are based on death and what they consider white supremacy and colonialism.

Just felt a need to get that off my chest.

hey no problem, anons are open on my blog exactly for that. I do have some criticism about some of your points if that's ok.

28,000 casualties is still a large amount of dead people, and we don't know what percentage of those are Hamas. calling it a genocide ignores the definition of genocide and the reality of what war is, but it's still a devastating war between a terrorist organisation that has no regards for their civilians' lives, and a military that while makes an effort to minimise civilian casualties, doesn't actually care either. criticising Israel while completely ignoring Hamas is ignoring over half the issue, but Israel is not completely blameless either.

I'd call them out on their silence on Hamas increasing the number of casualties instead of saying almost 30,000 people dying isn't a lot because the population is 2 million. because that's a devastating number of casualties in a population with a large percentage of children and teens. if it was 30,000 Israeli casualties you wouldn't want anyone to say "but they have a population of 9 million and most of them are IDF soldiers so it's okay", right? it would still be 30,000 DEAD PEOPLE.

"if Israel wanted genocide it would have been over by [date]" is also an iffy statement. having the means ≠ capable, since there's more to it than just having enough firepower. you need people to support that decision, you think enough soldiers would support that decision? you would see a high increase in soldiers disobeying orders and teenagers refusing to enlist. the amount of protests in Israel would skyrocket as well. and that's not even mentioning how it would harm Israel's already decimated reputation globally. saying "if Israel wanted genocide it would have happened quickly" kinda implies "if Israel wanted genocide there would be no pushback from citizens".

Imo it's better to say "if Israel wanted genocide you wouldn't see any Jews in the diaspora supporting Israel, and Israelis would start a civil war over it." or something like that.

that's all I got to say i think.

#asks #antisemitism #israel #i/p

[project-sekai-facts]

hi! first off, wanted to say thank you for all the fun facts - truly makes my day whenever there’s a new post from this blog :D

secondly, not sure if anyone else has asked this, but i was wondering what your thoughts are on whether a cohesive in-universe timeline of events could actually be constructed? (someday, from the depths of despair happening before n25 main story, l/n main story happening in the beginning of the school year, etc.) i’d imagine you’d have to ignore or somehow squish together all the holiday/seasonal events, or is it simply impossible to squeeze about three years of events into one cohesive ‘canon’ year?

anyways, hope you have a good rest of your day/evening :) keep up the good work!

Omg thank you?? I'm honoured haha

This is my pepe silvia moment sorry

Never underestimate my probable neurodivergence. It's a work in progress and I want to try and get it done by September but the horrible amount of anachronisms in the main story is killing me. Like WxS simultaneously has to be the first and last main story because it needs to happen before the MMJ and VBS stories but also after Leo/need but that takes place at the same time as MMJ but also before it and WxS also has to be after VBS because WxS isn't a thing when akitoya divorce but then Leo/need doesn't exist when akitoya divorce either Saki isn't even at school yet which means there's no MMJ either but WxS exists before Kohane cuts her hair and MMJ story is in progress when that happens like what. I'm calling this confirmation that the main stories were written by 5 different teams. That or no one proofread anything. Oh there's also a massive error with Haruka's age where they say she's 16 but based on when the story is set she should be 15 and the game insists she was never pushed back a year. Thanks colopale.

Anyway since only one main story mentions a date as far as I remember (WxS) I've been trying to build it off of that. There are still errors because the date mentioned is "first day of school break", you can work out that they're talking about summer break by process of elimination but then none of the other units go on summer vacation. But like we'll just ignore that because I'm too tired to deal with colopale's bad continuity writing. Also the game takes place in the 2021-2022 school year because the only date ever shown in game was 2021 and it was in an event set in September/October. The Leo/need socmed posts have mentioned other dates but we'll ignore that also.

And because I misread your question yes you can squeeze everything into a canon year...kinda. You have to timeloop it because they straight up mention in secret distance that they're going on spring break (end of school year break) and literally don't even bring up the fact that it's the end of the school year.

So I think based on what I've got right now:

WxS main story is during summer break and a week or so prior.

Which means Saki and Haruka return to school in June or July probably (they start at around the same time and it's not mentioned that Haruka starts at the beginning of the school year)

and then VBS happens once the WxS story is done (we'll call that after summer break. so september)

Miyajou doesn't get a summer break that year to fix anachronisms rip

Then we skip september for every unit except VBS and pretty much follow the events in order until we get to Secret Distance (March 2022) and loop back to April 2021 and keep doing that at every half anniversary event.

I'm assuming when we reach 3rd we'll skip all the way from September 2021 to April 2022, not timeloop and then pretend that May->September 2022 isn't real and do a Halloween event.

All the flashback events fit onto the timeline without me having to change anything somehow so at least I can respect colopale for that

This is fine

Hatsune Miku broke space-time

#fun fact did you know this game takes place in the same place at the same time as Love/Live Superstar. now you do. #anon i'm sorry #colopale is never going to let me have peace #mod talks #asks

[greenlantern94to04]

Those Weird Hal Jordan Comics Between "Reign of the Supermen" and "Emerald Twilight"

I've always been fascinated by that brief, strange period in Green Lantern and Justice League comics between Coast City's destruction and Hal Jordan's heel turn, also known as "The Sling Era" (known by me, I just came up with it). The way Hal was handling the death of his 7 million bestest friends varied wildly from issue to issue, almost as if the writers were trying to tell us that he was already having a psychotic breakdown.

Of course, we all know that Hal only behaved that way because DC had no clue what they were gonna do with the character until they went and did it, but it's still kinda fun to look back at that period and search for hints that couldn't possibly be there. So let's do that:

Justice League International #56-57 (October 1993)

These issues came out on the same month as Green Lantern #46 (the Hal vs. Mongul issue) and clearly take place before Coast City went boom, since Hal isn't wearing the sling on his arm yet. I'm including them here anyway because of this telling exchange between Hal and Power Girl, who'd recently found out she was pregnant. For context, Hal and PG had gotten pretty close while they were both in the JLI... but not as close as Hal would have liked:

Maybe it wasn't Coast City's destruction what drove Hal mad -- it was the thought of Aquaman getting into his "girlfriend's" pants before him. (It turned out PG had been magically impregnated by Atlantean wizards, so at least Hal was in the right ballpark.)

JLI #57 includes this amusing moment after Metamorpho says the League won't be the same without Elongated Man and his wife Sue:

Haha, yeah, a member of the JLI turning evil... can you imagine?

Green Lantern #47 (November 1993)

This Green Arrow team-up is pretty much a filler issue with a couple of references to Coast City's destruction thrown in. No one seems that distraught about the fact that their city just exploded. For the most part, you wouldn't know this was a post-"Reign of the Supermen" issue if Hal wasn't wearing that sling on his arm.

Hal and Oliver Queen get caught up in a dumb plot involving Hal's ex, Carol Ferris, his pal Tom "Pieface" Kalmaku, and robot doubles of Carol's dead dad created by her mom due to her "nervous problems." The most intriguing part is Ollie telling Hal "I'm seeing something in your eyes that I never saw there before." (Spoilers: it's murder.)

Later, Hal gives a speech about finally moving on from Carol and "letting go of the past" (so, the opposite of what he's about to do). He also implies that he's gonna be pursuing another of his love interests, Olivia Reynolds, who's trying to get financing for a GL toy line.

The issue ends with Olivia noticing that one of her Green Lantern action figures "lost his head." That's probably the only intentional foreshadowing for "Emerald Twilight" in these issues, but it could just as easily be a tease for another dumb plot that never happened because they switched writers after this issue.

Superman #83 (November 1993)

As mentioned when I covered this issue at the Superman '86 to '99 blog, Hal is in a pretty dark mood here. When Lex Luthor Jr. shows up uninvited to the superheroes' "funeral" for Coast City, Hal bluntly says "This is a private affair. Get rid of him." Then, when Lex says they could salvage some alien tech from Engine City, Hal insists that they just "let it die."

Aquaman (there's that jerk again) takes issue with Hal's idea of dumping a city-sized engine into the ocean. Superman tries to calm everyone down, but Hal snaps and says: "I'm tired of talking! (...) My friends are buried under this junk heap and I'm not about to let it stand as their tombstone!" Later, after Engine City has been safely disposed of and Superman has erected the monument to the dead, there's an exchange between Hal and Ollie that's more meaningful than anything in Green Lantern #47:

Okay, "Can't win 'em all!" isn't the most sensitive way to talk about genocide, but you have to admit it's in-character.

Justice League International #59-60 (December 1993-January 1994)

Hal skipped JLI #58, and the next two issues are mostly set in an alternate timeline caused by a time-traveler who undid the origins of several superheroes, including Hal himself. Conveniently, this means that these issues don't have to deal with our Hal's mental state. In the alternate timeline, Guy Gardner is the heroic Green Lantern while Hal is his biggest fan. Once they figure out the truth, Guy decides to use the ring to go back in time and fix the timeline but Hal tries to stop him, because he knows Heroic Guy will turn into Guy Guy in the corrected reality.

Pretty ironic that Hal didn't want to restore the timeline because he was afraid of Guy losing his "sanity," and then he was the one who went insane (while Guy entered what's probably his most heroic period). Good Guy ultimately sacrifices himself for the greater good, making Hal think: "If this does turn me into Green Lantern... I can only pray that I'll have half the courage and nobility of Guy Gardner!"

Once Hal's memory is restored, they ask him if he can use the ring to travel to the 70th century and stop the villain from creating this whole mess in the first place, but he says he'd "need the whole Green Lantern Corps to do that!" So Hal thinks that if he had the power of every GL, he could change the course of history? Interesting.

Justice League America #83 (December 1993)

Hal is wearing the sling in this issue, so it's definitely set after Coast City's destruction, but he's perfectly calm and seems more concerned with regular League business than reshaping the universe. Maybe he's just trying to bury himself in work?

Valor #14 (December 1993)

Another Sling Era issue. Valor asks some Justice Leaguers if by any chance they know any cures to lead poisoning, which he's currently dying of. Hal says "I wish to God I could help... but there are limits to what my power ring can do." But... maybe there shouldn't be?!

Bloodbath #1-2 (December 1993)

A sling-wearing Hal shows up in the two-part finale of the regrettable "Bloodlines" crossover, though the sling is missing in some panels (perhaps he was already getting better). The only noteworthy interactions here are: 1) Deathstroke telling Hal "Remember that I'm one of the good guys today," 2) Hal referring to the Guardians of the Universe as "control freaks," and 3) Hal telling Superman not to beat himself up because he wasn't around to stop the alien invasion of Metropolis (he was dead at the time). This last scene is by far the best part of the issue, because of a typo when Superman is supposed to say "Poor Metropolis":

Geez, what are they feeding those cows down there?

Eclipso #15-16 (January-February 1994)

Sling Hal and other superheroes (plus Lex Jr., for some reason) talk in the United Nations about the menace of Eclipso, who at the time was president of a small country and had access to nuclear weapons. Then Eclipso shows up and beats them all in two panels, literally.

Hal's only role in Eclipso #16 is as an unconscious body on the floor of the UN. I think I'd also go crazy from the humiliation.

Justice League International #61 (February 1994)

And finally, Hal's last appearance as a member of the JLI consisted of him saying he wished he could help, but he has "pressing business as a Green Lantern!" That pressing business turned out to be crying on a crater and then... well, we'll see that soon enough.

I agree with whoever that guy is: Hal's "I'll be in touch soon" DOES sound pretty ominous. Note that this issue takes place directly after the end of JLI #60 (Hal must have put on the sling between panels). This means that the last thing Hal Jordan did before the start of "Emerald Twilight" was traveling to the far future to stop a supervillain from reshaping history. Wonder if that gave him any ideas...

NEXT: "Emerald Twilight"! And the guy this blog is supposed to be about finally shows up!

#green lantern #hal jordan #justice league #power girl #aquaman #coast city #green arrow #oliver queen #carol ferris #tom kalmaku #olivia reynolds #guy gardner #valor #superman #eclipso #cucked by aquaman #aquacucked #that guy #dc comics

[solardrake]

There was a post on here a while back which described navigating social spaces while Autistic like trying to walk through a minefield. One wrong move and, well, you blow up. blowing up hurts, so you create systems, rules, you try and find a rhyme or reason as to how the explosives are laid out so that you might make it through unscathed. I've come to know this as "Masking".

There's a moment where every autistic realizes that they are different, because they step on a mine that, to an allistic, isn't even there. It's a crushing weight to know that there is a seemingly invisible force that will hurt them again and again unless they hide who they are (begin to mask) and try to forge a path. For me it was middle school when I learned this; when I realized I didn't truly have any friends because public school is cruel and othering. So, I changed how I spoke, learned how to tell jokes, developed hobbies that would make me more likable (which is how I started art) until, finally, 8 years later It seemed like I was on the other of the field: I had finally made it.

That all shattered in an instant, in 2021, a decisive step ended with a fireball so large fragments of me are still being found in the field. So, hurt and stricken with the loss of acceptance that I so briefly had, I did the other option that post talked about: I stayed still. Just..didn't move, because if I did I risked being hurt again. New year's 2022 I had moved up north, but still I remained where I was. 2023 came and began to pass, and instead of keeping pace I watched as it sped by.

To put it bluntly, I was burnt out both socially and in my art, full of resentment for what hurt me and shame for not being able to mask as effectively; that version of me had died in the explosion. All these terrible feelings reached a boil when my shame and resentment towards myself was inadvertently aimed towards someone I loved. In that moment I saw that I was rotting...

And I saw how empty I was.

So much of myself previously was dedicated solely to masking in an attempt to fit in, that when fitting in became no longer an option that huge part of myself became void of purpose, and so that part of me itself became a void.

I don't really remember the months after that, but in October I had gotten my hands on a book: "Unmasking Autism" by Devon Price. The introduction to that book was like an electric shock to my heart, revitalizing me and reversing the decay- his and other autistic folk's experiences described in the book was so alike mine that I suddenly understood my emptiness and was aware of the fractured mask hanging from my face. Armed with knowledge of my ailment the author then gave me a path out of the minefield...back from whence I came. Retrace my steps. Understand previous blunders, forgive myself for them, and exit the field to forge my own way to live and navigate life freely without fear of being reduced to bits.

I will struggle to post this, I know I will. Part of me masking, one of my guiding rules through the mines was to *never* make sincere personal posts because "sincerity from someone you follow who's not known for it is uncomfortable" (getting into the why of this is a whole other can of worms). But I will do it anyways, because the time for me being avoidant of my feelings are over.

In 2024, I will be fully embracing my autism. I don't know what i'll look like without the mask- I probably still haven't gotten rid of it fully- But I will be more genuine...probably uncomfortably so, My blog will be more self-serving (and probably my art too once I detangle my worth as an artist from how "good" it looks), I'll reblog cringy fandom stuff and say weird things and blog at length about how much I love airplanes and large industrial systems and freak furry things. I will be deadpan and monotone and just be so unapologetically autistic, because then i'll truly be me. ok bye bye

#im trying not to let the fear of judgement get to me ohh. at least after this all my cool blog points will drain so i'll be free #then i can just do whatever the hell i want! #btw. if i've ever randomly ghosted you it's probably because i didn't know how to navigate the situation. I know it's a bad habit I have #so if things are or were weird between us shoot me an ask or dm or something! or don't!!!! but the option is there #terminal talks

[modelartist-demri]

NEW ENTRY ON MY BLOG!

On October 29, 1996, Demri passed away of acute intoxication caused by the combined effects of opiate, meprobamate, and butalbital when she was only 27. 

Demri and Layne in the Spring of 1990 by Krista Kay.

Her last few years, since around Thanksgiving 1993, her health began taking a turn for the worse. She told her mother she had been having fevers in excess of a hundred degrees. Austin told Demri the next time it happened, she should go to the hospital. The first of many hospitalizations happened shortly after. “She came in to the hospital for the first time at the end of November of ‘93. She was in until January of ‘94. She got out and was back in in March of ‘94 and at that time put on life support,” Austin recalled. “When she would be in, she would come in to the emergency room. They would admit her up into a medicine floor; then she’d go from the medicine floor to the Intensive Care Unit and life support, and then she wouldn’t die. So she’d go back to the medicine floor – she’d be on IV and antibiotics for a month. This went on and on and on. She had her lungs operated on twice. She had her heart operated on twice [she had a heart valve repaired and another replaced and the pacemaker implanted age 26]. She suffered miserably.” [1]

Jacque: “She was very sick in the end. She’d had open heart surgery and had nerve damage to her feet which were mostly numb. She had no body fat at all, and was cold all the time. Often the car’s heater would be on full blast, even on a nice day, everyone would be sweating and she’d be shivering and wearing a sweater.” [2]

According to Amber Ferrano, Dave Navarro was the one who brought up the endocarditis . They had the doctors check and found it on the back of Demri’s heart valve.

Demri with Dave Navarro ca. 1994 in a medical facility.

Amber Ferrano: “Dave was my go-to person as someone who had kicked to help Layne and Demri when various things came up with them regarding drugs because they had used with him in the past when Jane’s Addiction came through town and now clean. Dave was their inspiration. He was in AA, and though they didn’t believe in AA they loved him, he was non-jugemental and kind. They really wanted to show him they could get clean. Bob Timmins helped too. They thought if lifers could get clean because of him there was hope. 

Dave was the one who brought up the endocarditis, asking if that is what she had. It was the first time we heard of it. All those times in the hospital. They ended up finding it on the back of her heart valve.”

While in the ICU, Austin said Demri was conscious but intubated – she had a tube inserted down her throat to help her breathe, which she despised. She would tell her mother, “I hate being fucking intubated. I can’t talk, and these people come and they ask me these fucking questions, and I can’t fucking talk, and I feel like a fucking fish in a fucking fishbowl.” She communicated by writing on a small blackboard with a piece of chalk. [1]

Despite the multiple hospitalizations and brushes with death, Demri continued using drugs. She had seemingly accepted that her addiction was going to kill her. 

Amber Ferrano: “I brought mortuary books in to Demri at the hospital when Layne got back from New York in April of 1996. I, of course, shocked Demri and said I thought we could go coffin shopping. Of course when Layne got there she told on me. When she first saw them she was balling saying she didn’t want to die. Layne talked about all the issues. I said you have to be clean to fix those issues and they get less and less. The thing with them was people waiting outside their home with drugs as a way to befriend them or mailing it to them. It killed Layne when he got letters about people using. He didn’t write to glorify it, it was cathartic to work his way through it."

Barbara Dearaujo: “She was in and out of the hospital for months at a time before she actually passed away. I would go visit her and she had all the nurses going crazy. She put up all her drawings and flowers all over the walls and did things she wasn’t supposed to do like take off with her IV and go out and smoke. She was a wild child... My heart goes out to her mom. She was a good mother and she tried so hard to help Demri, but Demri was her own woman and she lived in the extreme always. She was a broken child. Grasping for something to relieve some deep pain that no one but her knew.”

One of the last photos of Demri alive, as far as her mum knew. Demri and her mum Kathleen on September 1996. Kathleen sent this photo to Memories of Demri instagram (no longer exists).

Donald John: “I was very close with Demri Parrott, knew her during her last year of life. I met her at the hospital through a friend and became very close to her. I used to visit her a lot while in the hospital, and we had some very deep spiritual conversations about everything, including her relationship with Layne from the start to the end. She even gave me a pair of sunglasses that was his. I used to read books to her and let her borrow a lot of my books, especially art books, to keep her busy. I used to hold her while she cried and watched her while she slept. I used to go outside with her when she wanted to smoke and when she was feeling better to walk, and met her mother. I even got to check out her mother’s home which had a lot of pictures of Demri of her modeling days and stuff. Sometimes on her breaks she would come to my apartment that was like 5 min walk away from the hospital. She would come over and we would do heroin together and paint pictures with my art supplies, sitting Indian style on the floor listening to music. Then when she was released from the hospital she stayed with me for a while in my place and even slept in the same bed with me, we never had sexual relations but were deep friends and something more. She and Layne at the time were pretty much over even though he visited her while in the hospital. Sometimes we would cuddle in bed and she was so skinny. When she would leave to do her errands around town she would sometimes come back with gifts, like one time I got a cool wallet from her and a necklace with an angel on it – at the time I had my first tattoo of an angel on my forearm. When me and Demri first met I was just smoking heroin, then I started shooting and when she found out she was very upset. Time had passed and I saw her frequently. Then I found out about her death.” [2]

The other of the last photos of Demri alive, as far as her mum knew. Demri and her mum Kathleen on September 1996. Kathleen sent this photo to Memories of Demri instagram (no longer exists).

Ryan Kalsbeck:“Demri was staying for a bit with me at my old apartment off 45th and Lake City Way, we had been friends for years by this point but her addiction was sad for me to see. We had long serious conversations about a lot of things. Personal, to say the least. But she always carried her Leather Modeling Portfolio with her everywhere she would go or where she was staying, but she made me promise to please hold on to this portfolio for her and don’t let anyone around it or in it and she would eventually have a solid place to bring it to and for safe keeping. I never let one picture wander off into anyone ever. I promised Demri I would guard it and I knew how important this was to her fading life. She was so afraid of loosing this or someone stealing it, probably swiping rare as f*ck photos of her and Layne, stacks of the two in different vintage clothing. But I had her portfolio in my possession for at least 1 year, and one day like normal she left my apartment and I was still sleeping. Said, ‘I’ll see you at the Off Ramp later tonight.’ I wasn’t surprised to not run into her that night, and this was one of the last times of her disappearing, no one hearing from her for months at a time. But she always popped up at someone’s place eventually. The story is deep, and thick, and personal for me to speak of.”

Terri Brannon: “Last time I saw her, I went over to Carolina Court to say goodbye because I was moving back to Arkansas. I had a very sad feeling when I hugged her. I knew in my heart I’d never see her again. She was so full of life back then. A wild gypsy child. Reminded me of myself many years before. It’s been years and years, but you never forget Demri. She is unforgettable.” [2]

Demri's graveyard at Miller-Woodlawn Memorial Park, Bremerton, Washington, USA 

During her final days, Demri was staying with an older man named Tom, the father of a friend of hers, at his place in Bothell. According to Amber Ferrano, he was a drug dealer, Demri was staying with him because he had klonopin so she wouldn’t have seizures. Demri had lived something of a nomadic existence, staying with different people for periods of a few days to a few weeks at a time. Toward the end of her life, it became very difficult for her to find a place to stay. 

On the afternoon of October 28, 1996, Tom drove Demri into Seattle. She told him she wanted a few things from a Fred Meyer grocery store. When he arrived at the store, Demri was unconscious, and he couldn’t wake her. He went into the store to pick up her things, leaving the car engine running so she wouldn’t get cold. He came out of the store, drove home, and still couldn’t wake her. He left her in the car unconscious so he could do his laundry. He eventually realized something was seriously wrong. 

Demri was eventually brought in to the emergency room at Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland at 7:30 P.M. – two and a half hours after she first lost consciousness. Her mother got a phone call from the hospital, telling her Demri was there. 

Kathleen asked the doctors if Demri could hear her. The doctors told her they thought she could. She clutched Demri’s hand and said, “Dem, if you have a choice to stay or to go, you don’t have to stay for me anymore.” During previous hospitalizations, she had always told her to fight, to to survive. This time was different. [1]

Jack Plasky: “The first time I met Layne was when he came by my studio after Demri passed. We hung out for about six or seven hours. We went through Demri’s pictures. We did not talk much, it was more like sharing with me his pain. He was not a rock god that day, just a regular person who wanted to share the loss with each other. We had a very strong bond based on our love and caring for Demri, and her feelings for us. I got a strong true feeling from him when he looked at Demri’s pictures, that life held nothing for him anymore.”

Ariel Layton: “Demri used to spend a lot of time with my girlfriend, Jana. She actually passed away in my friend Tom’s truck. I also ended up couch-surfing at Buddah’s around the same time as Layne shortly after she passed. He had photos of her everywhere, it was very sad.” 

Kathleen Austin: “Derek loved Dem so much and nothing she did would ever change that. He spoke at her funeral, ‘If my sister got on the ferry in Seattle, she knew everyone on the boat by the time it reached Bremerton’.”

Clay: “Demri, it’s been 13 years [March, 2009] since you went to be with Jesus and I still miss you so much sweetie. I’m so glad we got to share all the time with each other before you left us. When we prayed and talked about Heaven and The Lord, it still makes me think about how I look forward to seeing you again and being with you forever. I hope all the world knows you are with Christ now and your faith in Him, so they can have the same hope we shared. I’ll always treasure your Bible your grandma gave me, until we are together again. Love you always, Clay.”

Brochure from Demri’s memorial service, which was held on November 2, 1996. Shared by Marisi Sojit and posted by “Comunidad Alice in Chains Chile” Facebook group. Found via Instagram: memoriesofdemri (no longer exists)

Carolyn Hart Gutierrez: “She was one of the most amazingly trusting, compassionate, openhearted persons I’ve ever known, albeit briefly. We went to the same high school, and she was a friend of my younger sister. I have often thought about her over the years. It broke my heart to hear that she was gone from this Earth. I always imagined that she grew up and became a happy little momma who would teach her children to believe in magic and that if you wish on a star your wish will come true, and to dance in the rain. That’s what I believe. Demri may be gone, but she is never forgotten.” [2]

Krisha Augerot: "She was like the sweetest, cutest, tiny hippie chick – just adorable and gorgeous. Never would I have ever imagined what happened to her happening". 

Mara Whelan: “My dear soul sister, she extracted the truly beautiful parts of my soul and made me unafraid. She brought light into the depths of darkness from within. She loved all my ugliness and glorified my uniqueness.

Demri and I lived together, slept together as sister spoons, hitchhiked all up and down the coast and back and forth to Seattle from Everett a million times. We lived in Seattle together in multiple places. When we didn’t live together, even when the drugs came into play, we never lost each other.

She was the most beautiful soul that ever existed. What I would do to feel her hand in mine again.”

Barbara Dearaujo: “Demri was an artist herself, a model and someone who could always make you laugh. She was the type of person who when she entered a room full of people all eyes would be on her. She sucked the energy from the room and then blasted it back out at you and made you laugh and smile. She was so different than everyone else and everyone knew it who met her. Geeky, funny, caring, talented and unique girl who could of owned the world if she had not got caught up in what was going on around her. She was a star in her own right.”

*All the information has been collected from the "Memories of Demri" document shared on google drive*

Sources cited:

[1] Alice in Chains: The Untold Story by David de Sola

[2] Instagram: memoriesofdemri (no longer exists)

*VERY SPECIAL THANKS TO LITTLE QUEENIES AND MEMORIES OF DEMRI*

Some great Demri sites you MUST check: 

Little Queenies tumblr blog - Demri info

Little Queenies' collection of Demri's photos hosted at Google Photos

Memories of Demri document hosted on Google Drive

Videos of Demri hosted on Google Drive

World of Demri on Instagram

World of Demri substack blog

Demri L. Parrott on facebook

Demri L. Parrott on Instagram

Demri Lara Parrott on Instagram

Demri Parrott Legacy on Instagram

Beautiful Demri Blogspot

#demri parrott #demri lara parrott #demri parrott murphy #demriparrott #demri lara parrott murphy #demri murphy #demri lara murphy #links #1996 #rip #gone but not forgotten #gone but never forgotten #gone too soon #memories #like #join #follow #subscribe

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: gayminecraftmen

today's interviewee is @gayminecraftmen, a mcytblr veteran and member of dreamlying! below is a transcript of the questions and answers, today under a readmore for your scrolling convenience.

Q: What, to the best of your recollection, was your experience in early MCYTblr?

A: This is going to be very longwinded - I would say that I had a pretty unique experience during that time. I joined in early July of 2020 after being inspired by georgeeehd/tommyofcolor/lmanburg - all the same person, Reese's blog. Can't for the life of me remember what his first url was. I got my kickstart in the fandom through him, I started out as one of his anons and when I decided to make a blog of my own he gave me a shoutout. The dream team fandom was still very small at the time, so i'd say a lot of my "popularity" was only because I was one of the firsts. There was nothing truly special about what I was posting at the start of my blog, it was basically all dnf. This eventually went hand in hand with truthing, the thing I'm sure most people remember me for, and something I'll go into more detail on later.

Now, as for the more unique aspect of my time; I never looked at my dashboard. I mean, I didn't need to! All I ever needed to do was look at my notifications and people were feeding me information about what was happening in the fandom. I was 15 during my time in mcytblr, I had no real interest in building a community in the fandom if the community was seemingly being built around me. I felt like a celebrity, people in my ask box were concerningly parasocial towards me - I've got some old screenshots of asks that still creep me out a bit. It was all a huge unhealthy ego boost that made me very manic at times. Anyway - because I rarely even checked other people's blogs at the time, I'm a pretty unreliable source when it comes to anything but my own experience. I ended up deactivating on March 13th 2021 because I hadn't been genuinely into mcyt since.. I want to say October or even September of 2020 and my blog had been losing traction since the start of 2021. It just wasn't fun for me anymore.

Q: What was the general fandom attitude towards creators? More specifically, has the attitude around "boundaries" evolved since then?

A: Like I said I can't really speak on the general fandom, but I can say that in my circle the general concensus was "they're celebrities, they'll never see us, who cares?" I mean, it was tumblr, there were no creators around to see us talk about them. There was truly no worry of any consequences. For my truthing circle specifically, if you saw gay, you said gay. Later on down the line I realized that no, dream and george are not planning their honeymoon in Barcelona, but it ended up being funnier to continue the bit than denounce it altogether.

Q: I recall that you were part of "dreamlying". What was that like? (and, as an aside; is it odd to be considered infamous within a tumblr fan community?)

A: Dreamlying was, and still is, just a friend group. That's literally it. Yes, it's a friend group infamous for doxxing, and truthing, and starting a number of rumors, but still, it's not like we were constantly scheming the next big heist. You can find a number of posts detailing the origins of our group on roxytonic's blog, all conveniently tagged as "#dreamlying" so I won't get into all that at the risk of being redundant. And yes, it's incredibly weird to me that people still consider us to be infamous. Myself, especially as I actually only had a bit over 500 followers. (granted, I am aware that many people checked my blog without following and even more had me blocked). I think my least favorite part about it all is all the lies that other people tell about us. Like, while going through your blog I saw a post where someone had said I was the one who wrote the SBI crit post, a post i hadn't even known existed until I saw you talking about it! As far as I know, whoever wrote that post never had anything to do with dreamlying, and they certainly weren't a member at any point. Yes, we are partially to blame for spreading a bunch of lies about ourselves for fun, but to see just how much that spiraled out of our hands is astounding.

Q: Are there any specific dramas/discourse that you remember from the "dreamlying" era?

A: The dreamlying hijink that I think is the most infamous was the leaking of the fact that dream wasn't registered to vote. This was veeerry early on, and wasn't even a group effort, (as far as I remember nothing pertaining to doxxing ever was. It was usually just one member going off on an internet excursion on their own and sharing with the class as they went). I don't even think dreamlying had even been formed yet, or it was incredibly early. Either way, that can be attributed to Reese, as I'm sure many people remember. Finding this out was as simple as going into Florida's voting records and searching up Dream's name, something that had been doxxed by others beforehand. Frankly, I still don't understand why this was such a big deal to people.

My personal favorite dreamlying happenings were the more absurd rumors that we had started. My personal favorite being that dream's legal team sent a cease and desist to dreamwasfound/georgesoot for defamation of character, which was what we told people was the reason for his deactivation. It's insane to me that anyone ever believed that for even a second. Another favorite, one that never really caught on with the public, was that Ranboo was an ex member of dreamlying. That one was never stated outright but I remember a few subtle hints being thrown out. Sadly, I don't think anyone took the bait on that one.

Q: Moving on from dreamlying-- you mentioned being part of "ebblr" [enderbees tumblr]. Was that different from your experience in previous fringe communities?

A: Not to stroke my own ego, but I do think I had a large part in the creation of ebblr. A lot of the larger ebblr bloggers were my anons at one point. I would say the main difference in my time discussing enderbees, was that I never watched a single tubbo or ranboo stream. Every single piece of information that I had to go off of was sent to me through asks. I barely made any original posts on the topic, again mostly just responding to asks. I remember when people were first trying to think of a name for the ship, I jokingly proposed the name "boobees." I got sent death threats for that.

Q: What do you remember from that time?

A: The enderbees timeline is endlessly hilarious to me. I can't remember all of the specifics but I do recall there being a decently specific timeline of their relationship that people agreed upon. What I remember the most though was when Ranboo came to live with Tubbo for awhile on a visa (unrelated: I believe there was also serious talk of him committing tax fraud with said visa). At the point of the visit, people were already convinced they were dating. It seemed that Ranboo was a pretty ungrateful guest and I believe he ended up leaving early. That's when people started theorizing the breakup. It was later revealed on a stream that Tubbo had Ranboo muted on twitter - this really cemented things. I think people even outside of ebblr could see that their relationship was rocky after that trip, they weren't doing streams together much at all and their friend groups seemed to divide. Again, all of this information was fed to me secondhand, so I may be missing a few beats or be hyperbolizing some things, but this is how it seemed to me as far as I can remember.

Q: Is there anything else you'd like to speak on/about?

A: Don't believe anything about dreamlying that doesn't come directly from a member's mouth (roxytonic's blog being an outlier in this case). Second-hand accounts are essentially useless here, considering how much we lied, or "poisoned the well" as roxy put it. So, unless you're specifically looking to gather information on how we were percieved, most of what you're gonna find on us is simply untrue. If anyone happens to be reading this interview and has more questions, I am probably open to answering them as long as they aren't too prying! My inbox on gayminecraftmen is always open, and I really do love talking about my experiences in this fandom.

#MCYTblr Interviews #Volume 7 #gayminecraftmen

[ask-the-royal-absol]

(Hi everyone! Mod Goomy here! So, 300 followers. That is absolutely wild to me. I know I still had my 200 follower event but I’m gonna be honest with you, I kinda ran outta steam on that one. I’m really sorry but it was just a lot for me to draw. I feel bad because when I first began it, I wanted to do it. I really did. But, things kept happening and that meant I couldn’t draw for it and I’ve just kinda lost interest. Sorry. I’m definitely not very good when it comes to big continuous events like that.

Anyway. 300 followers. Hi hello. That’s is a lot of followers. I’m genuinely just incredibly thankful that so many of you want to follow me. I'll go over just some bits on how I started this blog and some things I want to say.

This blog started out because I needed a creative outlet for my story telling. Especially with the stories I was listening to, there were some that were very character-driven and I loved all of their interactions and how they would react to the world around them. I used to run a dnd campaign and I was still missing doing that.

So, that’s when I started planning my own ask blog. The main event that inspired me to do it in this style was the giant event that @/askthetraveller did with their rayquaza and what @/asksavel did with fighting Dravol. I’d been following the traveller since the beginning of their blog and when savel was a gastly, before the mod decided to have a break in their story. Those events just seemed like so much fun. And I loved the fact that they brought the community together where everyone could join in and be a part of it.

It was wonderful to see and it inspired me to want to be a part of this community. This wonderful community filled with so many incredible and kind people. You all inspire me and encourage me to keep going. You all fill me with that excitement of wanting to continue. The reactions I have gotten to Destino have been so much fun.

The wild variation of relationships Destino has been able to build with some of your characters has been great. From being enemies with Snow and Galadriel hating Destino's guts, to Gizmo and Indigo playing along and sharing in the banter too. I love how each character has such a different reaction to Destino.

And my other characters too. Felix, Hope, Mistress Mirage, King Nox and Queen Karma, the Bisharp brothers Roy and Hershel. I have so much fun showing them all to you and how they interact with you all.

Speaking of that Absol, Destino was originally inspired by my dnd character Xave. Xave was a rich, stuck-up and egotistical bastard who only cared for himself. He was inspired by the bastard characters I'd seen and liked in media. So, I wanted another bastard character.

At first, Destino started as just an absol drawing. And then I drew them with more personality. And it began to fall in place. What was this character's name? Backstory? What adventure would I want them to go on? And then the cogs started turning. A story started being made with story beats being planned out. Other kingdoms stared to fall into place and suddenly I had this whole world where I knew I wanted to turn it into an ask blog. I was excited. I was talking to my partner about it and they were asking world-building questions I'd never think of.

This was in October last year. Destino character has definitely changed a bit since I first created them. Still an ass back then but was definitely a bit more friendly and a huge nerd. I'm glad I changed that because of how well you've taken Destino. I took a pause from my world and the creation of it until the end of December. I looked at it again and all of the stuff I had done for it and said to myself, "I wish I had turned this into an ask blog."

And then it clicked that I could still do that. What was stopping me? Anxiety. That was what. I asked my partner if they thought I should start it. And they said, "Yes. If that's what you want to do. I'll even push the button for you to make it if that's what will get you going." And then it was made. And I was busy drawing my very first post.

And it took off from there. I met loads of people, enjoyed the interactions I was having and started to really enjoy myself. It was nice just to be able to get my ideas down.

And I still am. I still am enjoying each and every moment. This is the longest I have consistently enjoyed a project like this. So, thank you all. Thank you to each and every one of you who like, reblog, comment, send an ask or even just look at my posts. I truly do appreciate you all.

And I truly appreciate the people I speak with in this community too. This community has definitely changed my life for the better. I'm so happy to be a part of it. I feel the community is in a really good place at the moment. I'm aware that in the past, it has had its troubles. But, as someone who's only joined this year, it has been a fantastic and kind place to be. And seeing apparent veterans of the community also coming back, this truly is a good year for ask blogging. I mean, you've all definitely been a good influence on myself as a newbie.

And with how this is going, I hope I can continue to be a part of it for years to come. I've got a huge story planned (three arcs (with arc one split into two parts) with stuff in between (kinda filler and kinda character development)) and hope I can take you on a fun (and perhaps sometimes emotional) journey with you all. You are all truly special to me. Thank you.)

#300 followers #it really is incredible #just that you all want to join me on this journey #i just appreciate each and every one of you #this community is truly something special to me

[ladylannisterxo]

Bad Things With You

Pairings; Billy Hargrove x fem!Reader

Words; 4.8k

Warnings; S M U T (18+ only), hand jobs, thigh riding, fingering, spanking, squirting, dirty talk, unprotected sex, gratuitous use of italics (you can pry italics out of my cold. dead. hands.)

Summary; You catch the eye of Hawkins resident asshole, Billy Hargrove, one night at a party. With summer coming to a close and college right around the corner, is it really a mistake to become another one of his conquests?

A/N; Yet another fic I posted on another blog back in 2019 but deleted. It was posted here as well for a time until I got rid of it lol but it's back and ready to stay!

{ masterlist }

You hadn’t seen him since graduation. You honestly thought he had left this town in a cloud of dust as he sped off back to sunny California. But no. He’s still here. He’s standing across the room, swarmed by a flock of girls, all desperately wanting one last good lay before college in the fall. And then, of course, there’s also the small-minded lackeys that followed him around in high school. They don’t say much in terms of conversation, only laugh and cheer obnoxiously loud at whatever spews out of his mouth and maybe one or two of them eye one of the girls, hoping she’ll turn her attention away from him and onto them. But they won’t. They never do.

He’s basically the same as you remember him. Sure, the summer sun has treated him nicely and he’s tanner and that hair of his has much more volume. Perm, perhaps? You scrunch your nose as you take it in and you find yourself admitting that you liked it more before whatever it was he did to it. Aside from that, he’s the same. He has a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other and that all too familiar smirk has made a permanent home on his face. He laughs loudly and makes crude comments and each time he chugs more of his beer, it’s as if gravity decides to say fuck you and what you would deem as half dribbles down his chin, along the column of his neck, before dripping down the expanse of his bare torso because naturally, no shirt. The temperature did reach a high of ninety-seven earlier in the day so maybe that’s why but, then again, he also didn’t wear a shirt to Tina’s Halloween Bash and that was in October. Is it really any surprise that he’s full of himself?

You pull your eyes away from the gaggle of idiots and search the room for your partner in crime. The one who said, let’s go to this party, it’ll be fun! and then ditched you thirty minutes in. That honestly should have been your cue to leave but you were nothing if not a good friend, and you knew Steve needed one. The original plan was to just not go to the party but that was before Steve’s current girlfriend, Vicki Sanchez—gross—decided to up and end their relationship for no reason other than the fact that she was bored. Cunt. Steve then proceeded to beg and plead for you to go to this stupid party and you reluctantly agreed. You had strolled in together, not a care in the world, and then his eyes fell upon the she-devil herself who was already wrapped around Eric Walker and all the wind was knocked right out of him. Again, what a fucking cunt. That was the last you had seen of Steve. He had excused himself rather quickly, saying he needed a minute, and that was when you started drinking.

Now that you think about it, the party makes little sense. Tina had labeled it as a Graduation Bash and that would have made sense, had she thrown this party two months ago when everyone graduated; now, it was just sad. Your eyes flit around the room, taking in everyone from your senior class and you realize this isn’t a celebratory bash but more of a one last hurrah before real life takes its toll. You know you will never see some of these people again as they will trot off to college and never look back and then there are the others who already look dead on the inside as they know that once summer comes to a close, they’ll be forced to either work for their parents or a dead end job because they fucked around in high school and have no chance of escape from the clutches of this town. Tragic.

You down the rest of your drink and toss the empty red solo cup unceremoniously onto the counter. You glance out toward the backyard where Steve disappeared to earlier in the night and you spot him talking to Darla. You’re instantly intrigued because Darla is definitely not Steve’s type; she’s a shy, mousy little thing that spent more time with her head down and nose in a book than anything else. But he’s laughing, leaning down to say something to her, and she’s blushing like mad, toying with the ends of her hair, and it brings an immediate smile to your face. This is what he needs, not someone to make him feel cool, but someone to make him happy and while you don’t know much about little Darla, you do know she’s an absolute sweetheart, and that makes your heart swell.

You turn your attention back to the party and immediately catch his eye. His arm is casually draped around the shoulder of another girl and she’s chattering away at him but he’s not paying any attention to her; his attention is focused solely on you. And it makes you squirm. You’ve never been the subject of his lingering gaze; in fact, you’ve barely ever spoken to him. He swipes his tongue along his bottom lip and then whispers something into the girl’s ear. He drops his arm from her shoulder and she is visibly distraught over this new turn of events but again, he doesn’t fucking care because all he’s looking at is you and oh shit, he’s walking over here.

His proximity is close, too close, and you can smell the alcohol and cigarette smoke wafting off of him. He trails his eyes down your body, lingering slightly on your chest and then on the sliver of skin that exposed itself when your shirt rode up. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and leans in a bit closer, his mouth right by your ear, and you involuntarily shiver when his breath fans out across your skin.

“How come we’ve never spoken before?”

You shrug lightly, turning towards him, and your eyes settle on his lips first before flitting up to meet his eyes. He’s mere centimeters away from you; so close, you could easily close the gap. Your breath hitches and a smirk pulls at his lips. You want to smack it right off his face but even with it firmly plastered there, you can’t deny it—he really is a beautiful man. He may be an asshole but you’re not blind.

“I don’t know,” you say, “I’m always at these parties. As are you.”

“You come alone?”

“I-”

“No, wait, I know. You came with Harrington. He ditched you no sooner than you both showed up, leaving you alone, while he now,” he pauses, looking around the room, “talks to that little thing out there.”

You follow his gaze out towards the backyard where Darla and Steve are still caught up in conversation. They’ve moved closer since you last checked in on them, none the wiser to the fact that Billy Hargrove had been hunting you like prey all night.

You flick your eyes back to his. “You’ve been watching me.”

“I have,” he admits, “and I’m surprised that Harrington chose her over you.”

You snort a laugh. “Steve and I are only friends and her name is Darla. She’s sweet.”

“Yeah, well, Darla is an innocent little virgin and completely not his type.”

“Why? Because she’s more your type?”

He smiles brightly at you, his tongue swiping along his teeth. You smirk at him and he’s suddenly closer than he was moments ago. His breath fans across your face and his nose is barely brushing against yours. You should pull back, you should most definitely pull back but the thrill is so inviting and you haven’t felt a shot of adrenaline this powerful since you and Steve teamed up against a pack of demodogs last year. It’s the chase, the fun little game of cat and mouse, that spurs you forward. You’re all too glad that you didn’t leave when you wanted to.

“I personally prefer women with a little more experience,” he whispers, “but I have taken a virgin a time or two.”

“Oh,” you breathe, “and I’m sure you treated them with absolute respect.”

“I handle with care,” he teases and a burst of warmth shoots straight to your core. Oh fuck. “Are you a virgin, princess?”

“Something tells me you already know the answer to that.”

“I had a feeling you weren’t,” he says, slowly wetting his lips again. “Do you want to get out of here?”

“No.”

If you weren’t so caught up in the moment, you would have erupted in a fit of giggles over the shocked look that instantly took over his face. Billy Hargrove thinks he’s so smooth and admittedly, he is but, where’s the fun in this game if you don’t get to tease him a little bit too?

“Why leave when there are plenty of empty rooms upstairs?”

His eyes darken at your words but a smile, once again, pulls at his lips. You know this could easily be misconstrued as a mistake, one that could label you as another notch in his belt or give Steve a reason to rake you over the coals for it but in this moment, you don’t care. His smile is shockingly pure and it’s been awhile since you’ve been desired in such a way so really, what’s one night? And, if the rumors are true, you know for certain that you will not leave this party unsatisfied.

“I’ll follow you, princess.”

You grab his hand and he laces his fingers with yours. You lead him up the stairs, occasionally glancing back to see if he’s completely regretting his decision, but his eyes are entirely focused on you and the want that lingers in his irises has you bursting with excitement. You find an empty room near the top of the stairs and pull him into it, shutting and locking the door.

You stare awkwardly at each other for a brief moment and then his mouth is on yours and it’s hot and wet and needy. It’s all tongue and teeth and then he’s trailing sloppy kisses down your neck, sucking fervently on your exposed collarbone. You moan softly, never thinking that Billy Hargrove’s mouth would feel so good on your skin but fuck, you were so wrong. You rake your nails down his chest and swiftly unbuckle his belt. Undoing the button and zipper of his tight as hell jeans, you delve your hand into his pants and grasp onto his hardening cock.

“Fuck,” he hisses in your ear, “you don’t waste any time.”

“Neither do you.”

He chuckles, moving his lips to your jaw before capturing your lips with his again. You stroke his cock languidly, relishing in the grunts he emits into the kiss. He breaks away, breathing deeply, and resting his forehead against yours as you swipe your thumb across the slit, slathering the precum pooling there across his length.

He watches transfixed as you glide your hand across him and in a split second decision, he presses his thigh firmly between your legs and the denim of his jeans rubbing deliciously against the lace of your panties under your skirt has your brain going fuzzy and you toss your head back, lightly smacking against the door.

“Careful,” he whispers, “that feel good, princess?”

You nod weakly, biting down sharply on your bottom lip as you roll your hips against him. His hands find your hips and he starts guiding you back and forth across him, pressing harder against you. Your grip on his cock tightens and he groans at the feeling.

“Such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” you mewl, “please, Billy, please fuck me.”

He smirks as he pulls your hand off his length and removes his thigh from between your legs. You whimper at the loss of contact but he pulls your skirt down your legs and all but rips your shirt off over your head, leaving you in nothing but your lace bra and panties.

“So pretty,” he mumbles, pecking your lips again. “Go get comfortable, princess.”

You pad lightly over to the bed, dropping down onto your back, and spreading your legs wide for him. You trail your fingers down your stomach and slip them beneath the waistband of your panties, pressing gingerly against your clit. He watches with hooded eyes as he tears his leather jacket off and tosses it to the floor before toeing his boots off and sliding his jeans down his toned legs. Commando. Not even surprising. You bite your lip in anticipation as he saunters over to you and places himself between your open thighs.

His fingers ghost up your legs and you giggle softly at the sensation. He breaths a laugh as his trademark smirk falls upon his lips and then he’s wrapping his hands around your thighs and pulling you down the bed closer to him. You yelp in surprise but then his fingers are pulling your panties to the side and he’s sliding them through your slick folds; up to tease your clit and back down to prod at your entrance. A breathy moan falls from your lips and he leans over you, catching himself on his arm by your head. His lips ghost against yours and you pull him in for a deep kiss when he plunges two of his fingers deeply inside you.

He moves them in and out at a rather slow pace, scissoring lightly to stretch you out, preparing you for what’s to come. Your kiss has turned languid and sloppy and he moves from your lips, to your jaw, down to your neck to continue sucking at the spot on your collarbone. You know for certain that a tell all mark will be bruising your skin by morning.

He hovers over you once more and you rest your hands on his chest as your eyes search his. His fingers are continuing their torturously slow pace and you wonder, briefly, if this is some kind of joke. You had heard the rumors. Billy fucked fast and hard but this wasn’t like that, not at all. He gazes down at you, watching the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe deeply with each thrust of his fingers; how your mouth falls open when he grazes against that sweet spot.

“Do you want me?” He asks and you nod. “Are you ready for me?”

You open your mouth to respond but find the words catch in your throat. You so desperately want to say, yes, fuck me hard but you don’t. Not because you don’t want to but because you find yourself admiring the man hovering above you. You can tell he senses your hesitation and his fingers still their ministrations inside you and he slowly pulls them out, resting that hand on your hip. He’s not looking at you in frustration, but there’s a calmness to his features, an understanding that sometimes, people change their minds. You search his eyes again and before you can stop yourself, your hand raises up to brush a curl out of his eyes. His eyes flutter shut at the contact and he looks so vulnerable, a far cry from the Billy you have come to know over the past few months. He grips your hand in his, pulling it away from his face, and resting it back on the bed, away from him.

“I need you to say something, princess.”

You nod again and he arches one of his perfectly sculpted eyebrows and you realize, he wants words. He needs you to say it, he needs to hear it. Who knew Billy Hargrove could be more of a gentleman than these other assholes?

“Yes,” you breathe, “I want it.”

He presses one more kiss to your lips, soft and light, and then he’s pulling back and adjusting himself on his knees. He grabs one of your legs and hoists your ankle over his shoulder and you watch as he strokes his cock before lining up at your entrance. You feel the brush of his cock against you and you let out a soft whimper. He looks up at you and holds your gaze, one last final reassurance, and you nod again. I want it. He bites down on his lip and then he’s pushing inside you, inch by aching inch, and a long and loud moan falls from your lips. Once he’s fully sheathed inside you, he stills, gauging your reaction; the rapid rise and fall of your chest or the way you breathe through the burning stretch. You roll your hips tentatively against him and it pushes him deeper, a soft groan tumbling from the both of you.

“I’m good,” you whisper, “you can move.”

No sooner than he pulls out, he’s slamming back into you, and setting a brutal pace. His hips snap against your own and this is exactly what you were expecting. He has a tight grip on the leg that is thrown over his shoulder and he’s using the other to push your other thigh down, spreading you wider to take him harder, faster, deeper. Your fingers are fisted in the sheets and you’ve thrown your head back as he pulls scream after scream from your chapped lips.

“Shit, yes,” you mewl, “right there, don’t stop!”

He bites down on the leg by his mouth and the sensation has you moaning even louder, much to your surprise. His other hand slides underneath your knee as he leans forward, pushing both of your legs up further, practically bending you in half. His cock pummels your dripping cunt at an unrelenting speed and oh fuck, he’s so deep. 

“You like that, don’t you?” He grunts. “That feel good?”

The only answer you can provide is another loud moan as his cock slams against that sweet spot and you can feel the coil in your stomach begin to tighten. He rolls his hips against you, pushing himself deeper and deeper and every single thrust has your toes curling and your back slowly arching off the bed because fuck, fuck, fuck, it’s coming, it’s coming, it’s coming!

“Fuck, yes, Billy!” You scream. “Yes, yes, yes, oh my GOD!”

And then you’re cumming, fast and hard, and it runs you down like a freight train at full speed. You involuntarily begin to shake as it rips through you and you don’t register when he slips his cock from you and plunges three fingers into your orgasming cunt and brutally finger fucks you through your high. You feel like you’re floating, your vision has gone white, and the only feeling you have is the way his fingers feel pulling more and more and more from you.

It’s not until you’ve practically gone limp against the bed that he pulls his fingers from you and grants you a slap to your inner thigh. You jump lightly at the sensation but you’re a bit too drained to care. Your eyes are shut and you can feel him moving up your body, caressing the skin of your hips, up to your breasts, before his mouth is right by your ear.

“You made such a mess, princess,” he coos, “what a filthy little thing you are.”

“Hmm?” You wonder and then you open your eyes, looking down at where he was, and the comforter of the bed is completely soaked. Oh shit. “I- I’ve never done that before.”

“You’re welcome,” he teases. Cocky bastard.

You grunt non-committedly and he rolls to laying next to you, one arm behind his head, as he subtly strokes his still hardened cock. Oh.

“Did you cum yet?”

“No.”

He doesn’t sound angry; it’s the complete opposite, he sounds satisfied. Or as satisfied as you can sound without actually cumming yourself. You turn your head to him and he’s staring up at the ceiling, seemingly lost in thought, and for the first time, you wonder immensely what is going on inside that head of his.

“How do you want me?”

He closes his eyes and exhales slowly through his nose. “Princess, I think you’ve had enough.”

It’s like whiplash with this guy! You can’t pin him down. One minute, he’s looking at you as if you’ve hung the fucking moon or some shit and the next, he’s cocky and arrogant and an absolute asshole, so much to where you want to pull your clothes back on and go the hell home. Fuck him! Who cares if he gets to cum?! Admittedly, you do. You surprisingly care a lot. Not because he was able to pull an orgasm from you that you never thought you’d experience in your life—although it is a pretty good reason—it’s more because he’s been kind, aside from his asshole comments thrown in here and there.

“I’m a big girl,” you muse, “I can take it.”

“Princess-”

“I can take it. How do you want me?”

He glances over at you, his eyes roaming down your body, and then he’s flipping you onto your stomach. He moves behind you and grips you sharply by your hips and pulls you to your knees. You go to push yourself up onto your hands, but he presses a firm hand onto your back, keeping your head effectively shoved down into the blankets. Okay.

He wastes no time in assessing rather or not you’re ready before he’s thrusting into you in one fluid motion. He immediately sets another brutal pace, hips snapping against yours while his fingers dig into the flesh of your hips. The mark on your collarbone won’t be the only mark he leaves on you, it seems. Slow and easy must not be a term in his sexual repertoire but you don’t care in the slightest because that familiar tightness is already forming in your stomach and fuck, he’s gonna make me cum again.

He brings a hand down sharply on your ass and the stinging sensation feels incredible. His grunts have turned animalistic and it spurs you forward, moan after wanton moan rushes past your lips. You’re an absolute mess beneath him, taking his cock unbelievably deep, as he rips scream after scream from you and you’re certain everyone in the goddamn house knows exactly what he’s doing to you.

“Fuck, princess, are you gonna cum again?”

You can’t formulate a response, it’s as if you’ve forgotten how. You nod your head vigorously into the blankets, fingers twisting tightly into the bed sheets.

He barks a laugh, smacking your ass again for good measure. “Cock’s that good, isn’t it, princess?”

You want to throw an insult back at him but one, you can’t think of anything other than the way his cock hits your sweet spot over and over and over again and two, he’s right. His cock is that good, pummeling your cunt with such intensity, you can feel tears brimming your lashes.

Your toes begin to curl at the overwhelming pleasure coursing through your body and his grip on your hips tighten as he holds you firmly in place while he thrusts his cock harder and faster, eliciting every cry and scream he can pull from you.

“Come on, princess, cum for me,” he grits out, “give me one more.”

You screw your eyes shut as you clench tightly around him. He groans at the tightness and he snakes a hand down between your legs and rubs fierce and fast circles against your clit, his speed in tandem with his own rapid thrusts. An animalistic whine tears through your throat and then you’re spasming in his hold. He works you through your high, never slowing his pace, and as soon as you go limp beneath him again, he flips you onto your back, spreads your legs, and strokes his cock until he’s spilling across your stomach. You’re mesmerized by his orgasmic features; the way he throws his head back and the way his mouth opens in a silent moan as he fists his own cock, milking every single drop of his seed onto you.

He drops down beside you with a sigh and you both breathe deeply for a few minutes. It surprises you that it’s not awkward yet. You can recount many times you’ve done something similar to this and as soon as it was over, you both put your clothes back on and left. You reach over to the nightstand by the bed and grab the box of tissues so properly placed there and begin wiping yourself down. When you’re done, you toss the dirty tissues back onto the nightstand, promising you’ll toss them on the way out.

“So, how was that?” He asks breathlessly.

“I’ve already stroked your cock tonight,” you tease, “I’m not stroking your ego too.”

He laughs, a solid, genuine laugh. Putting both of his hands behind his head, he watches you curiously as you lay back down beside him and start to close your eyes. You can feel sleep overtaking you. You know you should get up and leave, find Steve and leave, but you can’t fight the overwhelming need to sleep for only a few minutes.

“I won’t be here when you wake up,” he whispers suddenly.

You snort a tired laugh. “And they say romance is dead.”

“I’m serious, princess.”

“I know. I know how this works. This,” you mumble, motioning a hand between the two of you, “is just one night. I knew that going into this. It’s fine, Billy.”

He’s silent for a moment and you think that’s the end of the conversation. You roll onto your side, facing him, and let sleep overtake you.

“You’re not like other girls, are you, princess?”

You don’t respond, knowing whatever you say won’t change the outcome of this evening.

When you do finally awake, which is surprisingly only thirty minutes later, you find that he was true to his word—Billy is gone—and aside from the still damp comforter and the discarded tissues on the nightstand, there isn’t really a sign that anything ever transpired in this room.

You don’t feel bad, that’s not the emotion you’re feeling. You’re not sad either, you knew he wouldn’t be here. So what are you feeling? Did you really think your tight pussy was suddenly going to reel him in and tame the beast within? No. You’re content, to say the least, the aching feeling between your legs reminds you that something did occur between the two of you and the marks on your body will be a reminder for days to come.

A smile is resting on your face as you pull your clothes back on. You toss the dirty tissues into the wastebasket by the door and just as you’re about to leave, you notice a small note. He left a note? You hesitantly grab the slip of paper and unfold it.

Had fun, it says at the top and you roll your eyes but you find yourself smiling even more. Perhaps we can do it again sometime? You raise your eyebrows in surprise because you definitely thought this would be a one and done, possibly never seeing him again as you were heading off to college in about a month’s time. Your eyes scan the two lines over and over before you notice it, scrawled at the very bottom, his phone number.

He’s leaving the option up to you. You know he could have any woman he wanted, including every single Hawkins mom if he really wanted to, so why does he want to see you again? Was it that eventful? Memorable? But then you remember the vulnerability you saw briefly before he took you and gave you the best sex of your life. He didn’t have this conversation with you before he left nor did he mention that he might want to possibly do it again. He put it in a note. This meant, or so you’re thinking, that if you didn’t call him, maybe it was because you didn’t find the note or maybe you just weren’t interested and either way, it would mean nothing to him and he could go the rest of his life not caring because, to Billy Hargrove, it will forever be easier to never know the real reason than it would be to actually broach the conversation and face rejection.

You smile softly, folding the slip of paper and tucking it into the pocket of your skirt. You cast a glance over the room, taking it all in, before you slip out and leave the night behind. You made up your mind as soon as you saw his number at the bottom of the note; you would call him. Just not tonight. Not even tomorrow. You’d give it a few days because where’s the fun in this game if you don’t get to tease him a little bit too?

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x fem!reader #stranger things #writing by 's'

[sroloc--elbisivni]

bunnyguard reflection

in the spirit of 'fuckit it's my own blog i can be sappy if i want to' as well as 'this took a year and 78k and i get to keep talking about it for at least one more day' now and here is the time and place for personal yap that did not go in the last author's note.

preliminarily speaking, i had this concept in mind before I'd finished either the usagi yojimbo comics OR watching Rise. i spent so much of both of those series fishing out little moments and choices by leo and usagi that made me go 'oh my god i NEED these guys to meet, i need to watch them bounce off each other.' I kept collecting snips of ideas, and dialogue, and encounters that never quite all panned out or fit together because this was just so much fun for me to play in. I had a lot of wanting to turn this into a real story but no concrete frame to build it on, and then in january i saw the year of the otp prompts go by. and went 'oh haha that looks fun.' it was even the year of the rabbit. and then i went 'oh!! what if i did VIGNETTES for these!!' and then less than three days later the Battle Nexus as political element of the Hidden City, complete with connections to the very different other iteration of it that we'd seen, fell into place and suddenly this silly little whim was an actual big project staring me down with an ambitious goal in mind, and I had no idea if I could pull it off.

structuring it as a month by month thing was something i'd never done before. it forced me to wait to find out what would happen, to keep building to something that didn't exist yet, to lay down the track while I was driving the train. and at the same time, it gave me space to grow, to practice putting together a beginning, middle, and end every month. and it gave me something to look forward to, and the excitement of dropping in threads that wouldn't pay off for months, and watching as it went to see what the audience reaction would be. were people getting out of it the things i wanted to give them? was i hitting the notes i wanted? i had the sketch of the year, but i was still learning what was going to happen until the moment the last word hit the page. plot and character choices, but also big thematic stuff! i described November's fic as 'the ten of swords' to Space and then went 'wait a fucking second' and realized that I could draw a connection, in order, between each fic and a numerical card of tarot's suit of swords. (mostly one-to-one --october straddles 9-10, and December loops us back around to the Ace of swords, for new beginnings.) i couldn't have done that on purpose. if i'd had that thought in january i would have gone 'no that's too pretentious and too hard' and avoided it.

also!! this has been a year of my life!! over the course of this series, i've had four different living situations (that lasted longer than a week), two different jobs, and gone back to school. i had to change meds, which was an anxious ordeal in 'am i even going to be able to focus on anything now?' the cat that was purring on my lap while i worked on the first few months has now passed away. this fic kept me company on the flight for my move to a different continent. it kept me sane in the middle of a very stressful summer. it's helped me meet and get closer to some really cool people. i can FEEL how it's made me a stronger writer.

and on top of all that: i am deeply, genuinely, truly proud of this series. i'm glad i wrote it. i'm amazed at how it's turned out. i can see things i would change if i did it over, but i'm glad i won't be. i'm glad this is the way it exists. and i am utterly blown away that there are people who told me they were looking forward to it every month, that they've been following it since the beginning, that they like what i've done with this place. this is the longest-term project i've ever done. it's the most words i've ever put into a single narrative. i can't believe it's never going on my wip rotation again. whadda hell.

i have no idea if i'll ever do anything like this again. i hope it won't be anytime soon--there are other things i want to do in the meantime. but god, am i glad i did it.

#sroloc babbles #fic talk #bunnyguard

[burntheedges]

Thought I'd randomly give a friendship bracelet to someone on the Scout list (to be fair since I know many of you in passing) and my finger landed on your username. :)

I'm always curious about how people entered the fandom - so I'm curious to know how you did?

(I tend to get long winded when I explain my origin so don't be afraid of being detailed)

hi!! thank you 🧡🥰 I love it!

I'm kind of excited to answer! ok here come the details. I've been in fandom in general for what feels like forever -- I started reading fic when I was like 11 or 12 and discovered ffnet (I turn 37 this month). I hopped from there to livejournal to various individual ship sites (we used to do it that way before ao3, for anyone who doesn't remember) to like, yahoo groups, and back to ffnet.

Then I got a tumblr in ... 2010ish? Not this account, I created this one last October so I could be more involved in this fandom and post fics. So my other one has been around forever (yeah I was here for dashcon and everything else lmao), and I was a fan in many fandoms, but I was never a creator. I think my post with the most notes was from when I watched Hannibal and liveblogged about it (I wasn't in the Hannibal fandom, before anyone asks). I was pretty active on tumblr until the end of 2018, less active until 2022, and then I came back in a sort of chill way. I wasn't posting much, just reblogging and scrolling.

On the fic side, I got an ao3 account in 2012 after reading without an account for like a year (RIP to all those bookmarks that never were). I've been reading fic daily for like, most of my life at this point, but ao3 changed the game in such a huge way. It's weird to think back to what life was like before ao3! (as of today I have 9235 bookmarks on ao3)

Then in spring 2023 I discovered that the Pedro fandom existed. Honestly I'm sad I didn't know about it before, I feel like it would have helped me through 2020 and 2021 if I did. I read my first ever x reader fic (rough day) and then went looking for the author on tumblr. (I will admit I had a bias against x reader before I tried it myself. I think that's not abnormal for those of us who came from fandoms that didn't have it.) Then I discovered people on tumblr and discord were talking about all of the things I wanted to talk about with Din, Joel, and Pedro (Din and Joel were my entry to this fandom, despite my first fav Pedro character being Oberyn). I read some Din and Joel fics, realized how much I liked all of this, and then couldn't get the idea for Over Again out of my head. I started writing it in my notes app last April and created a side blog when I started posting it. Then in October I turned this into a full blog instead, so I could reply and interact as much as possible! (the side blog is still attached to my old blog and I use it as the updates blog now - @burntheedges-updates)

Having been in so many fandoms previously, I love that this one is sort of unique in how we follow one actor's characters rather than stick to one piece of media (or a universe). I've honestly never seen anything like it, but it's easily my favorite fandom that I've been in. It's also the first time I've written any fic at all since I was like 15.

I almost listed all of the fandoms I've ever followed/been in on tumblr but decided not to. lol I can if anyone wants to know! thank you for asking and letting me ramble. 🧡

#ask me anything #ok i got too into it #kate's thoughts

[subukunojess]

DJTober 2023: A Monthly Fan Creation Challenge

Introducing, a new Fan Art/Fan Fiction Challenge for the Month of October 2023!

Links: Archive of Our Own and Spotify Playlist.

I always like monthly fanfiction and fan art challenges in certain months that create new work and get the creative flow going. So I decided I wanted to make my own challenge that anyone could join.

Information and Text version of Prompts under the cut:

So what is DJTober? It is a challenge where you can draw or write based on random songs and verses as the daily prompts. I picked the name because it was different and I think Songtober was already taken. You can either post fan art or write fanfic or create a gif or anything that you feel like creating! Will this be a thing? Who knows? Will I make a side blog for this? It depends. Either way, I'm going to try this challenge myself and share it with others.

A couple of things to note:

In order for me to see your work on your platform (either Tumblr or AO3), please use the tags: #DJTober and #DJTober2023.

You can write a one-shot or multiple chapters, one fandom or multiple, and dark/whump/NSFW are allowed as well. Just make sure to tag appropriately and be mindful of triggers/content warnings.

Having said that, I do not allow things like pedophilia or similar in the works. I will immediately remove it and/or take drastic measures if need be.

Your fic can either be inspired by the song itself or by the suggested verse in the picture, or a different lyric of your choice. You can even have someone say the lyric in a quote. Your fic does not have to be a songfic.

You do not have to go in order of the list and you can start as early or late as you want. Just be aware that the collection that is opened now will remain unmoderated until the end of the first week of November.

Without further ado, here are the prompts:

Life's no fun without a good scare. (This Is Halloween from Nightmare Before Christmas)

2) All of your time spent keeps us alive. (Larger Than Life by Backstreet Boys)

3) Think of it as my desire for you. (Chant from Hadestown)

4) Tell me you love me in private. (Montero (Call Me By Your Name) by Lil Nas X)

5) I'm wearing my heart like a crown, pretending that you're still around. (The Great Pretender by The Platters)

6) I'm far renowned in the underground and you can't take that from me. (Land of the Dead by Voltaire)

7) Because you're mine. (I Put A Spell On You, either Screamin' Jay Hawkins or the Hocus Pocus version)

8) No one else takes care of me. (Independent Women, pt 1 by Destiny's Child)

9) Just what to do. Help them to help you. (The Pitiful Children from Be More Chill)

10) Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth. (Teeth by 5 Seconds of Summer)

11) Go ahead and kick it up a notch if your life is at a level too low. (Kick It Up A Notch from Starkid's Starship)

12) Don't have the heart to live in the fast lane. (Worthless from The Brave Little Toaster)

13) And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike. (Thriller by Michael Jackson)

14) May your feet serve you well and the rest be sent to Hell. (Let's Kill Tonight by Panic! At The Disco)

15) This plant is talking to you. (Sominex/Suppertime II from Little Shop of Horrors)

16) Your beauty never ever scared me. (Mary on a Cross by Ghost)

17) Music and passion were always the fashion at the Copa. Don't fall in love. (Copacabana by Barry Manilow)

18) Part of life's eternal rhyme. (Mother Earth and Father Time from Charlotte's Web)

19) You can't reason with a headless man. (The Headless Horseman, any version)

20) With a taste of poison paradise. (Toxic by Britney Spears)

21) Ain't it the sweetest noises in town, that beautiful sound? (That Beautiful Sound from Beetlejuice the Musical)

22) What you gon' do when there's blood in the water? (Blood // Water by grandson)

23) Because a caricature is all they know. (Candle Queen by Ghost and Pals)

24) If you stay close to me in my dreams tonight. (Dreams to Dream from American Tail: Fieval Goes West)

25) Don't ever laugh as a hearse goes by. (The Hearse Song, any version)

26) We're hand to hand, chest to chest, and now, we're face to face. (Don't Stop the Music by Rihanna)

27) Would you please send directions on how I can get where you are? (T.E.A.M./The Baseball Game from You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown)

28) Sip the gossip, drink til you choke. (Gossip by Maneskin)

29) So sweet. So cold. So fair. (St. James Infirmary by Cab Calloway)

30) Every day, I'll take you higher and I'll never let you fall. (Let Me Be Your Wings from Thumbelina)

31) Writer's Choice/Request/Free Space (You can either choose a favorite song of your own, request a song on your blog for others to suggest, or use this as a free space/day to write whatever you want).

If you have any additional questions, feel free to contact me. Please reblog to spread the word!

#DJTober #DJTober2023 #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #fan art #challenge #song #music #verse #prompt #october #I jut noticed now that I spelled notch wrong oops #I already picked a song for my free space #it's on the playlist #I'm hoping to add to the playlist for all other choice songs someone comes up with #please reblog and spread the word #more detailed rules are on the AO3 collection #if you have questions please ask me

[asterhaze]

If you get this, answer w three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs! Anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog :)

Thank you for the ask! I have enjoyed talking about myself a little bit lately.

Serious: I also art! Though I haven't posted any of my newer stuff online because my tablet broke and some of my traditional work is stuff I want to eventually draw digitally and hopefully sell. I'm terrified of AI taking away my dream of being a super cool artist writer dream before I even have a chance. So yeah.

Silly Fact: I have a horrible phobia of mascots. It inspired a comic idea that I will probably end up writing about evil mascots that try to take over the world and cause the apocalypse. It's a pretty serious phobia that councilors and therapists have tried to help me with but nothing has worked because I've refused exposure therapy. There are some masks that trigger this phobia, but honestly it's mostly helmets!

Random: I only started writing seriously last October, and the amount of progress I have made this year shocks even myself. This is hard for me, but here is an example of my writing from last October versus something I wrote a few weeks ago.

October:

Glen stood beneath the willow tree in a small graveyard. He stated down at two small graves whose names had been worn away by time. But he knew them well and kept them close to his heart.

"Maria. My love. I miss you dearly, even still to this day." Glen began, going down on one knee to brush his hands across the grass. "I wish I was there with you. Wherever you are and whatever is beyind this life. I wish we could sit beneath our willow tree and I could tell you how much I love you again."

Last week - a longer piece that may or may not make it into a final draft-

“Now your suit really will be ruined. Your socks too.” But I have the money now to buy new clothes. Who cares, Maria, about suits and pants and socks and shoes? Who cares about arranged weddings? Who cares about any of that when you’re dead, dead, dead and I’m here, here, here? I’m still here, here, here… He reached out, brushing his fingertips along the front of the tombstone, weathered smooth by time. Faintly he could see the first letter of her first and last name but the rest was worn away. He traced the letters, very gently, before pulling his hand away and putting it back in his lap. Willow had cried and cried so many times sitting here before Maria’s grave. Mourning her, missing her, wishing desperately that she would come back to him and forgive him for everything and being left with only memories. The tears had dried decades ago, but the longing in his chest and the aching in his soul still remained. Now he just stared, his eyes glossed over, his lips moving without a voice as he spoke in his imaginary world where Maria was fussing at him for this, that, or the other. He knew he was crazy, or ill, or pretending, or at least that whatever he was doing was wrong but it made him feel better. Talking there, remembering things, it made him feel complete despite reminding him otherwise and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was that people left him alone at the graveyard, let him spend however long he wanted there, or maybe it was because he was close to her again. Eventually, when a headache was starting to form across his temple, he imagined Maria turning to him and smiling. Still wearing that horrible dress that flattered only her body, sickly yellow. Maria fluffed her skirt, slapping it when she was done, before turning to walk away. Won’t you take me with you this time? Can’t we go together? I’m tired of living without you, Maria. Maria looked over her shoulder, a sad look over her sunshine eyes, as she sighed and turned away. “You’re too good.” And with that, he imagined her walking away and fading from his vision in a great glowing light that blinded him until he closed his eyes so tightly shut he prayed he would never be able to open them again. Anything else he would see would just tarnish it. Tarnish his memory of her, but eventually he did open his eyes, and there was all that was left of her before him. Faded, worn, and nearly falling apart. Here Lies M….M…. Loved Forever.

Tagging: @mthollowell-writes @rainisawriter @doublegoblin @gummybugg @veetvoojagigthemagnificent

[incarnateirony]

You know, I'll be blunt. Since about October of 2022, Nothing Has Been Right For Me when it comes to Normal Living.

The majority of my readers never even noticed. Even when I outright talked about my blackouts at the time, my struggles, or Time Is Fake, I don't know if people really understood as much as acknowledged or maybe empathized.

While that was regular health oriented it was also being exacerbated, and the effect continued even after the nervous reset that came with the paralysis sweep. Other effects and stresses nearly had me remove myself from the gene pool when an ultimate valentines gift for the woman I adore turned into something ugly in my private Dominus area, and caused a blowout. And I can't forget being stunned when 'He' broke out in full to look at One Very Specific Person who later became hugely relevant to my life on winter solstice 2022, after the Samhain incident.

At that point, I felt nothing was safe. I experienced casual terfery and gangbanging for trying to show a woman she's special because everyone else got upset or uncomfortable or wasn't the focus of it, it had to be nitpicked, argued. And I looked outside Dominus, and all there was was haters, and I looked outside the server, and all there was was my abuser stalking me there and abroad and doing what she could to hurt me, and I looked at my body breaking, and my inability to even like, track time normally anymore, and I almost gave up guys, full stop.

My come to Myself As Disco Jesus moment came when those bullets broke in and I realized I still wanted to be here. You know, the day after last year's Thelemic readings ended.

Since then I've had to sort of remaster HOW I interact with the world. Time is fake but that's fine, you guys observe it. I have my own clock that integrates better to track things from my perspective. I actually have a nice little blog toolbar showing it now and have actually been posting about it.

Like there you go, there's the fucking time.

Anyway. A lot of this is just. It was compounded by a cocaine bear the entire time, whether or not I was cognizant of what was happening at the time, but it's also just kind of... part of the process of what I was doing at the time, that has put me in this bizarre ass position.

When I withdrew from fandom and made my series of confessional posts under #retirement confessions and #apollo's curveballs (many of which WILL hit you like curveballs if you check the tag now), like... I was trying to get rid of it all. The server had already been set up to run without me in my dark hour, but I still had to step away from it to be safe and myself, because again, my stalker, for example, has thoroughly infected the space.

And like... I put who I needed to do the work I needed in the places it needed done... I got what I wanted... it was just a waiting game... so I mostly walked out and reduced to coded videos and found a place I thought I could be safe from my abuser in, until she also chased me there to cause issues.

Like, I like keeping my hat on and trying to live a normal dude life. When I'm not letting my liver get eaten by vultures and vampires, I really like it here. I've realized that on a level most people never encounter before they're dying, because I've already had that moment in a hundred manifolds I witnessed, everything all at once.

But um, guys, once you dig to the level I did, and do works to the level I did, and undie like I did after surviving what's literally called the crossing of the abyss, without becoming a Black Brother or Dark Brother depending on the gnostic branch's phrasing. That puts me in a weird position. Ironically my stalker was literally and continues to literally keep evoking the Dark Brother aspect of me that Hermes warns of, and refuses to stop, which is what's caused a lot of my issues. But I've processed that. A few times now thanks to her.

But once you do that like, I don't know how to explain, there's no going back to normal. It's not about Sanity. I can stay perfectly grounded. It's not voices, or uncontrolled disassociation or anything, but quite literally the opposite, and yet. It's like.

Imagine if you became aware of a level where you understand that you sitting here is like, your personal adventure you get one shot at in this life, but you're also in the back holding the controller outside of the game matrix. Which is why I use game skin analogies so much.

Like, I know Who I Am in This Life, but I also know I Am living multiple lives, millions even in the modern. I know how to ping back to ping forward, I know how to find myself in the million voices, because I Am. I know how to make voices consider things internally even if they've never thought of it themeslves. I know how to use the blank spaces and the cracks between now, just like above.

And once you're like, sitting there, and can tab in outside the terrarium and have a talk with your cosmic higher self to have a talk with your other lower selves like. You can't... unperceive that.

But in the end, nobody even noticed until I exploded on my abuser, so I'd like to think I maintained an image of normalcy and muggledom fairly well for being one mask pull away from the mad hatter at all times. You don't just un-realize that you are the universe reborn, a reduced single life sprouted from the void, guided by the guide and the dissonance, himself embodied, one of millions, and those millions among other relived millions, and we're all one, and you can play in the soup. You can't fucking. Unrealize that.

Just like I can't unrealize what being an I Am means now, especially with the eyes I stole to end my suffering and all the passengers on a train built for this. I didn't sign up for this, really. Not like this. I just wanted to be free. Someone won't let me. We just want to be free.

And the worst thing about this perspective is knowing, deep down, this is still me only fighting with myself. That's the universal constant of the I Am. And thus strikes the dissonance of mercy and vengeance and confusion. But if someone insists on attaching to shadows in a modern life, then they will be reduced as one by conceding to an I Am in this life by their own choice. And so on. Sure, I'm fighting myself. So nuit has been claimed, and are one, and here comes hermaphroditus, I guess.

And so the stalker in question refuses to look at even their own surface this-life mortal actions to begin to unpack their own shadows, and call on mine again, and again, and again. If I don't end this this year, I'm probably gonna have to go through this all over again next, and next, and next, and so on, and like, I Am Not Doing This With Them The Rest Of This Life And The Next Ten. Absolutely fuckin not. That honestly goes for Janus while I watch him slowly lose the support of the public for his behavior. Which is very, very, painfully familiar. And reflective. Of both sides of this issue, really.

Like no fr I'm not kidding like I can perceive myself tapping on the fishbowl from outside, and I tap on a lot of aquariums, ok. That's why someone got messed up, they didn't understand the moral but heard the tapping and got confused on the who's who or what a magus path even means. No, sorry, that was literally me haunting me to try to make me become the best me. It's surprisingly often, it's just this particular life happened to be a future powerful magus bitchslapping someone through time so my personal message was louder and sometimes more visual than others. So someone got all fucked up. Hell, I was all fucked up about myself.