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niqhtlord01 · 5 months

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Humans are weird: Dogs

Alien: Why did you take me to here? Alien: You know I hate being outside. Human: How else would I get you to the greatest place on the planet? Alien: *About to ask question when sudden noise distracts them* Alien: *Reads sign on nearby post* Alien: What is a “Dog Park”? ----------------------------- Human: Unlike cats, dogs are man’s true best friend. Alien: And why is that? Human: Because they won’t brutally maim you if you pet them too long. -----------------------------

Alien: What does one do with their dog? Human: Play fetch mostly. Alien: What is fetch? Human: *Picks up ball and throws it* *Nearest dog sprints after it and brings it back* Alien: That’s it? Human: No; now comes the difficult part. Alien: Which is? Human: Trying to get the ball back. ---------------------------

Alien: Aren’t these creatures expensive to maintain? Human: Medical wise they are about the same as cats. Human: Entertainment wise they are much cheaper. Alien: How so? Human: *Picks up nearby stick and wobbles it around* *Golden retriever stops what it was doing and focuses on stick* *Tail begins wagging at turbo speed and they hunch down on two legs with their back legs up* Human: *Hands stick to alien friend* Now you try. Alien: Really? Alien: You think this will- Alien: *Notices dog now focusing entirely on him as he wobbles stick* Alien: Oh my gods…. Human: I know right? Alien: I have become their god now. ----------------------------

Alien: Do they have any weaknesses? Human: Don’t put a mirror in front of them. Alien: What happens if you do? *Pair turns as a dog begins loudly barking* *Pair see a dog barking aggressively at its own reflection* Human: Because of that. Alien: That doesn’t seem so- *Dog leaps at mirror and bonks its head* Human: See? Alien: Question withdrawn. -----------------------

Alien: May I try walking one of these dogs? Human: Are you sure? Human: You’ll need upper arm strength to restrain them if they get excited. Alien: *Looks down at tiny little corgi* Alien: I think I can handle them. *Chuckles* Human: Alright. *Hands leash over* Alien: *Begins walking dog around park* Alien: I don’t know what they were talking about. Alien: This is easy. *Random squirrel runs past corgi and Corgi chases after it* Alien: *Violently thrown to ground by sudden pull and dragged across the dog park* Human: *Watching his alien friend swear in his native language* I’d feel sorry over this, but I warned them so it’s okay to be funny. -------------------------

Alien: *Finally gets free of corgi leash and picks themselves off the ground* Alien: What…*Gasp* the….*double gasp* florp! Alien: How was that tiny creature so strong?! Human: The tiny ones are the most energetic. Human: The big ones are the giant babies of the species. Alien: How does that make any sense at all? Human: *Takes alien by the face and directs their gaze down at excited pitbull8 Human: Look at that smooshy face! Human: Nothing has to make sense when you look at that cute stupid smooshy face! -------------------------

*Dog comes up at starts nuzzling alien* Alien: Ah; you are an adorable creature. *picks up dog and cradles it like a baby* Alien: *Starts rubbing its belly* Human: *Notices and comes over* Human: I’m glad you’re starting to warm up to them. Alien: *Nods* They are enjoyable after a period. Human: Just as an FYI, that’s a Pug and when they’re on their back they can’t breathe. Alien: WHAT!? Alien: *Immediately puts dog down and it gasps several times* Alien: I didn’t….you mustn't think I would.. Human: Just wait a sec. *Alien watches pug take several more deep breaths before looking up at him and starts wagging tail again.* Alien: They are not very smart, are they? Human: We call that their “Derp” factor. ------------------------------

Human: Hey Greg. Human 2: Yo. Alien: What are you doing? Human 2: Playing “Hide and go seek” with my dog Burt. Alien: *Begins looking around* Where is this- *sees Burt standing behind bench poorly hid* Alien: I can see- Human 2: Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh. Human 2: Don’t make eye contact. Alien: Why not? Human 2: Because you need to wait five minutes searching the entire park before you find him; it makes him feel like a really good boi. Alien: But why not just- *Human 2 leans in close* Human 2: So help me if you look at him before those five minutes are up and make him sad I will hit you with my car. Alien: Wait what!? Alien: You can’t be serious! Human: *nods* Dog people take their pets happiness very seriously. Alien: But to hit someone with a car? Human: *Shrugs* I once shot a guy for throwing an empty soda can at my little bugger. Alien: You take your dog’s very…..seriously, I see. Human: Is there any other way?

#humans are insane #humans are space oddities #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #scifi #writing #original writing #niqhtlord01 #funny #dogs

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zillowblr · 4 months

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Northampton, MA

#polls #tumblr zillow #Northampton

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machetelanding · 11 days

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#funny #humor #memes #books #plot #movies #jurassic park #dinosaurs #burt gummer #tremors #graboids

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soxcietyy · 3 months

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Racer Yuuta pt4

Yuta x fem reader

Continuation of part 3, pretty tame chapter

It was as if it was your mission to push him to his limit. He knows you can be a handful sometimes but today it was worst. He wasn’t having it, and what you did next was the last straw. You sat in the driver seat of his precious car that he loved so much. A project that took him years to complete to his liking. One that he would never let anyone put a finger on it but you. Because obviously you came first but the car was second. He sighed as he pressed his forehead against the window.

"Unlock the car." He said looking at you through the window.

He couldn’t see you because of how dark the tint was but he knew you had a nasty smirk on your face. One he was going to wipe off the second he got his hands on you.

This was currently happening because he was busy helping set up the next race with a friend over the phone. It takes pretty long to plan out because it had to be a safe and secure place. It was illegal street racing so there had to be extra security measures. This was taking pretty long to the point of you begging for his attention. You’ve been following him around the house like a lost puppy and would pinch his cheeks any time you could. When he told you to leave him alone you would mess with him more by biting his ear. At last you got tired and grabbed his car keys knowing that would get his attention.

The second Yuta heard keys dangling he ran to the garage to see you shutting the car door. He hand to end the phone call so the person on the other side would be able to hear everything.

"I’ll give you anything you want, just open the door. Is it food? A new bag? A plush?!" Yuta said desperately. He tried hard to keep his cool but every few minutes that passed he could hear you pressing things.

"Oh man your radio is doing some weird noise, I think I might of actually done something." You yell.

Yuta felt like his legs were going to give out on him. His precious car was being slowly broken by his precious girl. He couldn’t let you know that it hurt him this much though.

"I just don’t want you upset anymore, you know I like knowing my girl is happy. So common out so we can get some ice cream." He says as he grabs the door handle.

The ice cream sounded really good so you unlock the door. The second he opened the door he lunged himself forward and snatched the keys off the ignition. You looked at him shocked as he slowly backed up. This was not how you expected a grown man to act. You Burt out laughing not being able to keep it in. He smiles at you sweetly as he heard your laugh.

"It’s cute that you think this is funny." He grabbed you out the seat and wrapped his arms around your thighs. He easily picked you up and took you inside where he plopped you on the couch.

"I got invited to show up at a car meet, dress up so we can go." He says as he started to grab your heels from the floor.

“No" you say firmly.

He looked at you with a brown raised.

"Right, are you done being petty? Yuji has been going on about his new car and said he’s going to show it off at the meet. He’d be mad if we don’t go"

Grabbing a small leather jacket he throw it over his shoulder with your heels in his other hand. Walking to the door and leans over your shoulder.

"I don’t want to hear anything come out your mouth about being cold." He said as he grabbed the keys from the table and walked out first.

The second you step outside a gush of wind hit you. You could feel how you hairs immediately stood up from the cold. You would have ran back inside and change but then that would be proving him right. Stiffly you walk to his car and get into your designated seat. The heater that he had running thankfully warmed you up. You relaxed into your seat as he drove. It felt as if you were back in bed under thoes soft blankets.

Arriving at the the abandoned parking lot you look out and noticed that it seemed that it hasn’t been walked on for years. Of course it wasn’t empty because of all the people arriving at the but it didn’t look quiet lively yet like the ones you’ve been to so far. Yuta was the first one to step out of the car and take a look around. The second he opened the door a gush of wind came running in making your sink into your chair more. Unfurtunally your wonderful boyfriend had taken the key of the car meaning there was no more warm air running. You couldn’t quiet tell if he took them just to be petty. Running the seat of your hand up and down your skin you began to wonder if you should ask him to go back home so you can change into something more suitable. The only thing stopping you was your ego and the fact that you guys had just driven an hour to get here.

Resting your arm on the door you watch as he is talking to other people. He takes his time coming back to get you from the car but swears its because he’s scoping out the area for danger and people, he wouldn’t want you to be around. From what you’ve seen people would love to meet you, but your big scary boyfriend was the issue here. Not only was his resting face trouble but he would latterly block there way with his tall figure so they wouldn’t get to you.

Giving onto the cold you turn around to see what you can find in the back seat of his car. Usually, he kept his car pretty clean, so it was unlikely to find any article of clothes or blanket in the back. Leaning over the chair you look find a few things in shopping bags he must of forgotten to take out. Opening them you find basic hygienic stuff and a pack of rubber that causes you to roll your eyes. The car suddenly became colder making you retreat into your seat so you could curl up but as you did you felt something spanked you.

Looking back quickly you see Yuta smiling at you with the door wide open.

“What was that for?” you glare at him.

“For being a brat, now common Yuji wants us to go see his new build.” He said as he crouched down and put your heels on for you, he then held his hand out for you to grab. Chills ran through your body the second you touched it, he was freezing cold, was he even alive at this point? because he felt like a dead corpse.

Stepping out make sure to stick to him like glue, seeing that he was your only source of warmth. Hopefully Yuji had his car running so you can hop inside or even better, a nice warm hoodie.

Walking to the other side of the parking lot you could see Yuji leaning against his car. you decide to book it towards his leaving your boyfriend stunned at your actions. Grabbing Yuji, you shake him to either unlock his car or to give you anything warm. He laughed at you nervously seeing Yuta was getting closer and knowing that he wound probably not appreciate either.

“ill see if I can find a blanket in the trunk, I tend to take naps during work.” As he left to the back Yuta grabbed your arm so you could look at him.

“what’s up with you? If your running towards him like that people are going to think that you have something going on with him.”

Yuta tends to get jealous quite easily and uses the excuse of what would other people think or say. He also says that he’s just trying to keep you safe because he knows better, apparently being a few years older than you made him that much smarter .

“sorry y/n, must of left it at home today. Ill ask around for you though.” He says as he shuts his trunk closed.

You sigh feeling defeated, if only a kind soul would lend you something so you could keep warm.

“what was she asking for?” Yuta asks looking at you and then him.

“she wanted something to cover up w-“ “DON’T” you yell out so he wouldn’t finish that sentence.

It was too late though, Yuta could easily figure out what he was trying to say and he looked at you with a, oh really? Look. He grabbed you and brought you closer to him.

"no need to do that Yuji, she wanted to come looking like this. She’s going to act like a big girl and stand by what she chose. Unless she asks me." He turns to look at you but you snap your head.

As they talk and talk about the new car your eyes are wondering around. Looking at the different people who show up to things like this. Your uncle wasn’t coming today because he had a dentist appointment. Thank god because usually woman would flock around you just so you can talk about him.

You wondered when they were going to start making the car shows they do. Or when they would start doing the interesting stuff. As you eyes continue to wonder they stop on something odd. You could see a girl hiding behind a car. You squint to try and figure out what she was doing exactly. You didn’t notice how much you wear leaning to see until you started falling forward. Thankfully Yuta caught you by extending his arm. Your body leaned on his arm as he pushed you back up.

"Can you sit still for a second?" He asks you with a lowkey irritated tone.

Yuta said you had a bad habit of wondering off and moving around too much. He swears you lack attention span.

You cross your arms and ignore him. Continuing to look you could see her looking at some guy from afar. Potential crush? Potential love making? This was the excitement you’ve been seeking for! She was such a cute girl too. She wore a skirt with a fluffy coat over her that made you feel nothing but jealousy.

Sneaking away from Yuta, you take small steps before completely running away. You got good at it from the amount of times you have done it by now. When you did you made your way to the girl and crouched down.

"Excuse me" you say quietly.

The girl twirls around and lets out a gasp. It happened so fast that you didn’t notice how close you were from her face.

"You scared me!" She said as she held her chest trying to calm her accelerated heart.

"So sorry I just noticed you from a far and was wondering if you were alright." You say shyly.

She looked back at the direction she was originally looking at before looking back at you. It looked like she was debating to tell you.

"I think my boyfriend is cheating on me." She finally confesses.

You looked at her stunned. This was absolutely not the answer you were expecting. You lean to the right to also peek at the guy. He looked like your average but if you had to be honest.

"Tell me more." You grab her hands.

"When he’s at my place he so loyal and treats me so well but my friends… they’ve been telling me that they’ve been seeing him go around with almost any girl who talks to him." She sits on the ground looking a bit defeated. "We’ve been together for almost five years and I can’t believe he’s doing this."

"Hey I think I have a plan to figure out if he is." She tell you.

She looks at you with a hopeul expression. You grabbed her by her hands and lead her to some place more secret so you guys wouldn’t be found. But before leaving completely you glance at Yuta to see him turn around. Finally noticing your absence he looked panicked. He looked for you in every direction making you go walk a bit faster. If he were to find you right now he would definitely not let you continue this exciting investigation.

Leading her to a different part, you guys began to plan things out fully.

"It’s pretty simple you just go out and flirt with hi- oh god darling are you not freezing? Where’s your coat?!" She goes off track one she notices what you were wearing.

"I forgot it at home and yes I’m freezing!" You tell her.

"Unfortunately I only have what’s on me, but that’s a great excuse for you to go up to my man’s and flirt with him."

You stand there and think for a minute. What would Yuta say about this? What would he think? What would he do if he caught you? The last one was too scary to think about.

"Let’s do it!" You say.

It wasn’t hard too find him again. He was revving his engine and you could hear that from afar. From what you could tell there was no sight of your boyfriend. Which was a good thing because he could not be there while you flirted with another man. Walking towards the crowed you turn around and throw a thumbs up to your new friend. This was lowkey exciting. This is something you would see in shows and movies. Pushing through the crowed you make it to the front to see him in the front seat chatting with the people around him. This was your time.

You walked slowly towards him and bend down so you could get a good look at him.

"Love your ride, never seen something this exotic." You say complementing his Supra, you went lying it was a pretty neat car because of the wrapping and different types of piece on it.

He looking at you with lazy eyes, he was definitely high, those red eyes couldn’t mean anything else, there was also the fact that he reeked of it.

"Thank girl, say have I seen you before?" He asks

You place your finger on your lip as you try to remember if you guys actually met, but you had no memory of it. You shake you head at him as he still looked you up and down.

"Geez arnt you cold?" He says grabbing your hand to feel your temperature.

"Freezing, I was wondering if you had anything I can wear or even let me hop in your car to warm up. That is if you’re not gonna get in trouble, if you know what I mean." You smile at him.

"Naw girl hop in, or better yet sit on my lap. Gonna warm you up real quick."

Your jaw almost dropped from not expected such a response. You cough and look back for some help. This was enough from no?

"You sure? You don’t have a girl? I don’t wanna start anything you know?" You say hoping he would admit to having one.

"If I did I wouldn’t be tellin you to sit on my lap." He smirks. He opened his car door and patted his legs telling you to sit.

Before you could say anything a hand reached out from behind you and slammed the door closed. "There you are babe, iv been looking for you everywhere, now why wernt you where your supposed to be?" He says putting his arm around your shoulders.

You look up to see Yuta with an irritated face. You shrug at him and start to walk away but he pulled you back.

"I’m not going to play games with you y/n, next time you do that I will literally put you on a leash." He smiled as he patted your head.

"Hey man! Who the hell do you think you are to slam my doo- oh Yuta what’s up man!" He says changing his attitude immediately.

"Hey dude, sorry I was just getting my girl. Say arnt we set up to race next time? It’d be unfortunate if something happened to your car before the race huh?" Yuta says

The guy gets the message real quick and doesn’t say anything.

As Yuta is dragging you away you caught a glimpse of of the girl.

"He’s a cheater!" You yell out loud.

She gives you a firm nod with a sadden look. Who wouldn’t be sad to find out their significant other is a cheater.

Back at Yutas car he sat you down in the passenger seat and he went to the back of his trunk. Last thing you needed was him pulling out a chain to strap you down. When he did come back he was holding a small blanket. Your eyes widen as you snatched it and wrapped yourself with it. It’s was so warm, so soft and it smelled just like him.

"Next time admit your warm before you decide to do something stupid." He try’s to be mad but knows he can’t.

"So why were you flirting with that guy?"

You look at him from the side of your eye panicked. There’s no way he could have hear that right? Like that some supernatural ability if he did.

"What are you talking about? I was only complementing his car." You sink into your seat.

"You think I’m dumb? I saw the way you were standing, the way you were playing with your hair, the way you presented yourself. You did all of that when you were trying to get with me."

You didn’t say anything to him

"Next time you need or want something you come to me, your dad or uncle, no other men. You got that?" He flicked your forehead to get your full attention.

"Ow, yes Yu I get it."

He looked at you with a serious face. He did this all the time, if he was scolding you and asked you if you understood he wants to hear "yes Yuta" not anything short or sweet.

"Yes Yuta…" you mumble.

You guys ended up going home early because it was indeed getting to cold. Even with a blanket your toes felt like they were on the verge of falling off. The second you guys stepped into his warm apartment you felt at ease. The warm air coating you once again. Yuta came from behind and hugged you, he kissed your cheek as he threw his keys on a table.

You stand there awaiting nervously for what was to come. You knew you wernt getting off so easily.

"Explain everything," he says as he takes a seat in the couch. Man spreading as he scrolls on his phone.

You sigh as you try to take a seat next to him but he was quick to stop you.

"Absolutely not, on the floor until I say so."

You grit your teeth as you flash him a smile. You sit on your legs as you explain everything. Missing no detail.

"… I’m not sure how to feel about this. Not loving the fact that you were trying to flirt with another man." He lifted your head up from your chin.

Tears started swelling up your eyes as you saw how mad he was. You couldn’t lie he was really scary like this. This had to be the first time he’s ever been this mad at you.

His facial expressions softened when a tear rolled down your cheek. He wasn’t the best when it came to crying people. His hand moved from your chin to to top of your head. He pushed your head down so you could look at the floor as he looked away from you.

"You don’t have to cry." He said.

He could hear your sniffling a few seconds later causing him to sigh. He picked you up from the ground and cradled you in his brace. Your face hurried in his shoulder.

"You want to try that new restaurant you were talking about yesterday?" He asks.

Last chapter

No more racer yuta >:|

#yuta okkotsu #yuta okkotsu x you #yuta okkotsu x reader #jjk second years #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x y/n #yuta okkotsu x y/n #yuuta okkotsu #yuuta x you #yuuta x y/n #yuuta headcanons #yuta x y/n #okkotsu yuuta #yuta x reader #yuuta x reader #yuta oneshot

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danoberry · 1 year

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★ sugar baby (burt fabelman x reader) SMUT 18+

description: you notice an attractive older man taking a seat close to you on a park bench. you didn’t know he would end up spending so much to make you happy when you finally talked to him.

content: 18+ SMUT!!!, age gap (reader is of age obviously), burt is a sugar daddy, burt is also very much a dad, takes place after the movie “the fabelmans,” lots of use of “bunny” and pet names, cunnilingus, overstim, fingering, cum play if you squint

pronouns: you/yours (female reader)

wc: 3.5k

afab genitalia

A/N :

i wanted to post something on christmas for everyone but sadly i just did not have the motivation. so i present this instead (thank you to everyone in the discord server who encouraged this fic- it’s one of my favs now). happy new year’s eve!

Burt Fabelman takes a seat not a terribly great distance from you. He reads a book- a manual of some sort- while his fingers tip-tap on his thigh. You watch the man with intent. He must be approaching his 40s, you think. The minute stubble growing on his chin and pudginess on his stomach are pure indicators. There’s something about him that’s attracting you. The way he’s carrying himself, the way he’s handling everything he has in his clutch with care. Your cheeks started to heat up just looking at the man. You would’ve never expected him to be a sugar daddy.

I’m probably half his age! Who am I kidding? You think to yourself, taking your eyes off of him and looking down at the concrete. A homewrecker is never something you’d want to be labeled. You drown in thought as your eyes stare a hole into the ground, until a voice startles you, almost out of your seat.

“Hon?”

You look up, and there he is. The man you were just fixated on, right in front of you. Your face flushes a deep red. You can feel the heat in your neck.

“Oh- hi!” You say with innocence, like you weren’t just staring at him like he was eye candy.

“I uh… saw you staring a second ago. Are you alright?”

You smile, incredibly nervous. “Yeah! Hah… I’ve always had a staring problem.” You watch him slightly cock his eyebrow.

“I mean- I didn’t mean to stare so much… I’m sorry.” You blush deeper, heating up.

“Oh honey, it’s alright! I was just making sure you were doing okay! You seemed a bit… disheveled.” He sits down right next to you, as you curse yourself internally. Your legs slowly turn to jello.

“Nope! I’m doing pretty good…”

“I’m glad to hear that… I have a few kids who I can usually tell when they’re not alright. Of course they’re with their mom for the season… I guess I was trying to find someone to take care of when they’re away!” He laughs.

You sit there with your legs crossed and your hands in your lap. Not necessarily uncomfortable from the man himself, but from the fact he was making you feel so damn flustered. You giggle at his remark, before he speaks again.

“I’m sure you have children of yourself, what’s a girl like yourself doing at a park with nobody?”

You actually laugh this time.

“Kids? Absolutely not, not yet.”

“Really? I mean- you definitely don’t look old, definitely not as old as me, but you seem mature!” He says with genuine surprise.

“Oh, sir, I don’t even have a boyfriend- let alone a child.”

“Wow!” He breathes out. “It’s Burt, by the way, Burt Fabelman. No need to call me sir, you’d make me feel too old.”

“Oh no, that’s not what I meant by it all!” You defend, scared that you blew it. But he’s quick to reassure you simply.

“It’s okay hon, I know.”

You sit there for a moment, twiddling your thumbs, and look back up at him. Burt’s staring down at you. When his eyes meet yours, he smiles. It’s warm, sweet. It gives you a tingly feeling in your core.

“Are you really alright?” He asks again, concerned. “Your face is very red…”

He lays the back of his palm on your forehead and you feel like you’re going to explode.

“No, I’m fine, really!”

He chuckles at your response and feels your cheek with the back of his hand, still very concerned with your state.

“I have four kids, I know when they’re lying, too, honey.”

You hesitate. Should I lie? You debate. You revel in the consequences before you finally decide that you would come clean. You have nothing to lose, you don't even know the man, hardly.

“Do you want the truth?” You ask, fiddling with your dress.

“If it’s not gonna scare me off,” he says as he laughs.

“Well,” you start, ”this is embarrassing, but I saw you sitting on that bench, and I thought you were attractive and I guess I couldn’t stop staring- and I know that sounds really weird but It wasn’t like I was going to just get up and walk on over to say ‘Hello!’ because God only knows-”

“Woah! Hey!”

You bury your face as deep as they could possibly go into your hands out of embarrassment. God, you think, I sound like a fucking baby!

“I’m not mad at you!” He laughs. Oh. “Quite frankly, I think you’re beautiful... actually, way out of my league! Why would such a young, pretty girl want anything to do with an old man like me?”

Oh…?

“I… you just look like you know how to take care of someone… and I think you’re quite handsome,” You reply shyly, not daring to look up at him.

“Well aren’t you just so sweet,” Burt replies affectionately, coddling you. “Look up at me, please.”

You look up into his eyes, afraid yet unable to look away.

“How about this… I can take you back to your car, and I’ll give you my phone number so we can talk about it this evening. Does that sound good to you?”

You nod your head and walk with him to your car. If he were any other older man walking you to your car, you would have been exceedingly uncomfortable, but Burt Fabelman had a comforting presence as he loomed over you.

Approaching your car, your lips curl into a smile when you sit in the front seat.

“Do you have a napkin?” He asks.

You reply with a simple “mhm” and hand him a napkin after digging through your purse.

He grabs a pen from his coat pocket and clicks it, writing his phone number on the napkin laying against his hand. You watch him finish his writing and hand the napkin back to you, leaning over the car. You stare at the writing, before looking back at him as he stands over you.

“Promise me you’ll call?” He asks with a smile.

“I’m looking forward to it, Burt.”

…

Over the next few days you and Burt constantly talk over the phone. You even leave a chair under the phone on the wall for when either of you decide to call. You learn much about him over the days following— and vice versa.

Those late night phone calls turn into less of casual discussions of the past, and more playful conversations of the present. You slowly realize how much of a flirt Burt can become when he’s comfortable. He proposes the idea of a date while you fiddle with the cord one late night, saying, “I can’t wait to see you again, bunny. Let me take you somewhere— the shops. I’ll get you whatever you want.”

Burt was more than delighted to hear you’d be willing to go on a date with him. He hadn’t gone on a real date in years, and he was glad he’d be able to go on one with you. It was kind of strange for a first date, you thought, to go to the shops instead of the traditional dinner at a fancy restaurant, but you wouldn’t dare complain about getting spoiled by a charming, handsome older man.

You decide on a pretty dress and flats, adorning yourself with silver jewelry and floral perfume. Lipstick paints your lips and mascara enhances your eyelashes with every flutter. You carry your purse under your arm as you walk to the entrance, looking around for any sign of Burt. Almost immediately, he catches your eye. He stands tall next to the fountain, his glasses seated on his nose quite low, in a turtleneck and a blazer, an outfit that made you heat up admiring him.

Your face flushes as you stare up at him.

“Hey, sweetheart!” he breathes quietly, pushing your hair behind your ear.

“Hi- thanks for inviting me here,” you say as you smile at him.

“Of course. Where did you want to go first?”

“Uhh- well, I have been wanting to hear the new ‘Temptations’ record.“

Burt chuckles, “Oh honey, I’d be more than glad to get you a record, but what do you really want?”

You tap your foot out of nervousness, you didn’t really think he was being serious when he told you he’d buy you whatever you wanted on that phone call a few nights prior. “If I was being honest I’d really appreciate some new earrings, but you don’t-“

“Okay, then that’s what we’ll look at! Is that okay? I can get your record, too.”

You feel slightly aghast by his offer, but you’re quick to comply. “I mean, it sounds good to me!”

“Great,” He says, holding his hand out for you to grasp.

You take his hand and walk with him down the atrium, to the jewelry store. When you arrive, you both are greeted by a salesperson who helps you pick out a beautiful pair of earrings: pretty diamond studs. Despite your protests to Burt, because of how expensive they turn out to be, he buys them for you.

“You really don’t have to spend this much money on me- I appreciate it so much, Burt, but really-“

“A beautiful lady like you needs a beautiful pair of earrings. Don’t mention it, doll. I insist.”

He walks with you out of the store, holding the bag for you.

“You should put your earrings in, I want to see them!”

“Oh,” you started, “sure, why not!”

He holds the bag up to you to take the earrings out and put them in your ears. After you do this, you place the box back into the bag, thanking him again.

“They’re gorgeous,” Burt says, astonished.

“Thank you,” you say, grinning wide.

He kisses you on the cheek and looms over you again.

“Not as gorgeous as you though, for sure.”

“Thank you,” is all you can dreamily mutter again, blushing at the floor.

You hold Burt’s hand on the walk to the record store, blushing the way there. You arrive and quickly find what you’re looking for. You head to the register alone, but Burt insists you pick out a few more, and one for him to listen to. You pick up The Beatles, Beach Boys, and a few more with interesting covers. At the checkout, he forks out money from his wallet like it was nothing, rubbing your shoulder with his left hand.

You two walk out of the store hand in hand, and mutually decide it’s time to go home, though neither of you want to truly leave each other's company. When you both reach the front gate, he asks if you want to sit in his car and talk for a moment. You immediately oblige and walk with him, taking a seat in the front passenger.

“I don’t want to leave right now- I feel like I could spend hours with you,” you say with ruby-red cheeks, looking down at your feet.

“I don’t want to leave you either, bunny. Look at me.”

He gently tilts your head up at him, using the back of his palm against your chin.

“Do you want to come home with me tonight? I’ll make sure we come back and get your car in the morning.”

You look in Burt’s eyes for a moment and nod your head. He leans into you and plants a kiss on your lips, letting it linger for a moment, and pulls away.

“Throw the stuff in the back. I’ll take you, baby.”

Your eyes frost over with tears formed from pure excitement, and a haze prohibits your view while you grin secretly, looking out the window.

You put your bags in the back and he drives off with you almost giggling in the passenger seat. You admire him at stoplights, his stature, mixed with the glow of the red, yellow, green on his face. You couldn’t believe it. He’s taking you back to his house. Who knows what you’re about to do.

He pulls into his dark driveway and turns off the engine, stepping out, as you do the same. He shows you to the front door, and you both walk into the beautiful living room together, surrounded by windows. He turns on the light behind you and hangs his blazer on the rack.

“Wanna sit?” He asks as you walk in, motioning over to the couch.

“Oh, yeah sure.”

“Make yourself comfortable, hon.”

You watched him grab two glasses of water from the kitchen and walk over to you, sitting them down on the coffee table and sitting down himself.

“You really are such a beautiful lady, you know?”

“Thank you, Burt,” you flustered. “You’re very handsome as well.”

“I didn’t think I’d ever get to meet someone as pretty and sweet as you are, dear. You make me feel wonderful.”

“I feel wonderful when I’m with you, too.”

A grin formed on Burt’s face and he leaned to kiss you, to which you completely oblige as you deepen the kiss, humming into his mouth. Burt lays one of his large hands on your thigh, playing with his thumb, rubbing under the hem of your dress. His calloused fingertips toyed with the fabric.

“Do you like it when I touch you there?”

You nodded your head.

“Okay, baby.”

You feel your pussy slowly start to ache as he rubs your inner thigh, kissing you hungrily. You feel completely swallowed by your attraction to him, as you spread your thighs apart and invite his hand farther up your dress.

“Please, Burt,” you whisper.

“I’ll take care of you, bunny.”

He picks you up bridal style and kisses you again, walking you back to his room. You're placed on the bed and Burt lifts up the bottom of your dress, exposing your lace panties and the lower half of your stomach.

“You wear these often?” He asks, gently squeezing the meat of your thigh.

“Not necessarily…” you shyly remark.

“They’re cute, sweetheart. Red’s your color.”

He dips down and kisses you again. “Can I get this dress off of you?

You squeak, absolutely overtaken by affection, “Mhm.”

You sit up and Burt helps you take the dress off above your head. You feel exposed— lying there in your lace, while he hovers over you fully clothed. The feeling doesn’t last long, however, because before you know it, Burt is taking off his turtleneck and you see his pudgy belly sitting at the top of his pants.

“I’m gonna fuck you so good, bunny. You want me to fuck you, hm?”

“Yes, daddy,” you whisper boldly.

“I haven’t heard that one before,” Burt chuckles. “Daddy’s gonna make you feel good, bunny. Come here.”

You sit up and get closer to him, batting your eyes. He cups your cheek in his hand, rubbing it with his thumb. You kiss and nuzzle into the side of his hand, looking up at Burt with a neediness in your eyes.

“Such a pretty baby,” he says, in awe. “Lay back.”

You obey his demand and lay on your back, your breasts almost spilling out of your bra. Burt leans over you and puts his hands behind your back, unsnapping your bra and taking it off. He cups one of your tits and pinches your nipple, requiting a squeak out of your mouth. Burt laughs and kisses your forehead, apologizing for shocking you like that, before he trails his fingers down your body, making you shiver in reaction.

Burt grabs your sides and shifts you forward, beginning to peel off the sides of your lace panties. The slick, already formed on your panties, strung out for a moment while you watch him slowly peel them off, from your thighs to off of your ankles.

“So wet,” you hear him purr.

He takes his thumb and lays it over your sensitive clit, making you hum a moan. He leans over the bed and brings his face to your heat, pulsing with need. You feel his hot breath against your folds, before he brings his lips to you, collecting your slick with his tongue, lapping up and down as you begin to cry out moans and curses.

You feel him fuck you with his tongue and suck at your clit, making your back arch away from the matress. You hold his head down with your hand, screaming out against your other one. Your thighs begin to squeeze together as you cry out his name, almost squeezing his head along with them. You feel Burt take his rough hands and use both of them to hold your legs down on each side, squeezing into the plush of your thighs. The resistance turns you on more than you already are.

He takes one of his hands off of your thigh and uses them to spread around your pussy, lathering his fingers with fluid, pushing one into you while he sucks you all that he could. He begins slowly, but gets decently faster as he curls into you perfectly. You feel the knot in your stomach forming as he gets faster with his movements. You moan his name more and more, giving him validation that he’s doing a good job.

Your walls tighten around his fingers, making it harder for Burt to curl in and out of you. You feel your impending orgasm build and build as you try to relax your muscles and prolong your pleasure.

“C’mon, I know you can do it bunny. Cum all over my fingers,” Burt praises.

“Burt I- ohh- I- fuck!”

Your orgasm crashes over you in a huge wave, your muscles contract while you pant and repeat his name like a prayer. You notice your orgasm slowly calming, but your arousal sticking, and you realize he never stopped finger-fucking you in the first place.

“O-Oh, baby! Ah-hnng… Burt!”

He kisses up your stomach with wet lips.

“I told you I was gonna fuck you good, bunny.” He raises his eyebrows and pulls his fingers out of you, smearing the cum all over the front of your cunt, all spent and red and wet, and wiping the rest on your tits, hardening your nipples from cold air.

Burt picks you up by the hips again and adjusts you towards the headboard, shuffling off his pants and underwear. He towers over you, his cock leaking from his bright pink tip, thick enough to stretch you out but not long enough to hurt your cervix.

“You ready for my cock, hon? Gonna let daddy stretch you out?”

“Mmm, ‘m so ready, ‘m so ready, daddy,” you say, though absolutely spent.

Burt spends no time hesitating to lather his cock with your juices, feeling your folds with his thickness and slowly putting himself inside you. You mewl as he leans over your body, his lower half deliciously touching your clit. You feel overstimulated but absolutely desperate for his body to be close to yours.

He fucks into you while wet noises fill the room, combining with your moans of ecstasy and his groans and grunts of pleasure. Your legs wrap around his back and he uses his hands to cup behind your head, bringing your bodies closer together. Your foreheads touch together, and Burt looks into your eyes, overwhelmed by your beauty and how good you make him feel.

“Mm- Burt, baby, hnng- Daddy… please,” you cry out, salivating, pinching your eyes shut as he rutted into you and tears fell down your face, so close you could feel the heat radiating off of your bodies.

“Take it… all for me… bunny.”

Burt gives you a kiss, mid moan, and by the time the kiss was over, your second orgasm happened almost immediately, crashing over you harder than your previous one. You let out a scream of pleasure while he fucked into you a few more times, finally cumming as well, painting your walls with warm, thick stripes of cum, that made your cunt clench even harder from the feeling.

Burt kisses you again, slowly removing his cock from your dripping pussy, spewing it out with a pulse. Cum pools below your thighs, making the sheet sticky from under you. You both know it— it’s gross, but neither of you want to leave each other’s company. He lays down beside you, while your eyes flutter. You look cock-drunk from your drool and tears.

“You’re so good baby,” he kisses you. “You’re so good for me.”

Burt puts the hair out of your face before you reply.

“Thank you so much, Burt ,” you say with a yawn and a smile.

“Of course, my pretty girl.”

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burtlancster · 5 months

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Original Caption: Actor Burt Lancaster jogs past a doorman shoveling snow on Fifth Avenue as he starts his day with a run around Central Park at dawn, January 3, 1968. Lancaster is in New York for a few days before heading for Yugoslavia to make a film.

#on this day…..#burt lancaster #1968 #castle keep

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kannibaleherzen · 1 year

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I have Disneyland on my mind, so I wrote some headcannons about Dano characters and their favorite attractions at the Disneyland Resort! No surprises, SFW fluff. All these guys under the cut. ♡

I made the graphic on my phone so it sucks.

Additions of Burt Fabelman and Louis Ives are also included! ♡♡♡♡♡

Dwayne Hoover: He wants to be a pilot, and in fact can be at Disneyland! He absolutely loves and will fight to get the pilot position every time at Millennium Falcon: Smuggler's Run. Dwayne has tried and once successfully gotten your ride crew to activate Chewy mode. If cast would let him, he could pilot both positions alone, but they can't and won't. Dwayne also always gets excited about Soarin' Around the World. He is mesmerized by the indoor portion of the queue with all the pilots on the walls and reads them every time.

Lucas: This sweet boy is into Fantasyland. The traditional King Arthur's Carrousel, Dumbo the Flying Elephant, and Snow White's Enchanted Wish. He could spend all day in Fantasyland if you let him. In the evening, he loves getting a good spot for fireworks that start at 9:00. About 40 minutes before, he wades through the crowd to get a churro for you two to share when it starts. It takes forever to even get the churro, so you two always cherish that moment.

Pierre Bezukhov: A Fantasyland man as well. Alice in Wonderland, Mad Tea Party, then Matterhorn Bobsleds in that order before anything else in the park. Unlike Calvin who uses connections, Pierre is a member of Club 33, and will take you to the 1901 Lounge at the Carthay Circle instead because he thinks it's classier and the drinks are better there. Once sufficiently drunk and fed, he loves to go watch Mickey's PhilharMagic.

Jay: Rise of the Resistance isn't just a ride, it's a full experience. Jay will wait however long it takes to get through the queue and on. He loves the scene with the Stormtroopers and hopes one day he can recruit more ALF members to have a big enough fleet like that to save more animals. When it's over, he always takes time to chat with cast members about the cats that live back there. How are they? When do they get food left for them? When were they spayed or neutered? And so forth.

Percy Dolarhyde: In typical fashion, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. The best part to him is the hill climb with explosions. Percy won't admit it, but he also has a soft spot for The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. His favorite part is looking up and behind to catch a glimpse of the old Country Bears Jamboree that used to occupy the space.

Calvin Weir-Fields: You will be dragged to Pirates of the Caribbean by him. He wants the redhead! It's no surprise he does the same right after for Roger Rabbit's CarToon Spin. Calvin loves the queue spot where he can knock on Jessica Rabbit's door and say Walt sent him. Once done there, he must go on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Because in the end, you go to hell. He uses connections to get into Club 33 for a romantic dinner after putting up with him.

Alex Jones: Cars Land. Just... All of it. The first time he sets foot, he is in love. Why wouldn't he be? The themeing of Radiator Springs is perfect! Alex loves doing finger guns and shouts Lightning McQueen's "Ka'chow!" for the photo on Radiator Springs Racers. When on Luigi's Rocking Roadsters, he loves the circles at the end of the song and puts his arms up (as is the custom). He always needs a pic with Mater.

Eli Sunday: The higher the ride, the closer to God. Eli is pretty traditional when it comes to rides, and loves the Pixar Pal Around. He does not go in the regular gondola, but the swinging one. He is just a touch crazy after all. Eli also likes the Disneyland Railroad, but scoffs at the dinosaur scene between Tomorrowland and Mainstreet U.S.A. believing they've never existed.

Hank Thompson: He's just so excited about everything. Hank absolutely must go to Adventureland first to ride Indiana Jones Adventure. A Spielberg movie brought to life! He always hopes to get the driver's seat because it's the best. Hank never looks into the eyes of Mara! After is a trip on Jungle Cruise, and always laughs at the skipper's jokes. He loves getting bao from the Tropical Hideaway. When visiting DCA, he must go on Grizzly River Run and say hi to Francisco the cat who lives near the queue.

Timothy Klitz: Klitz just wants to cuddle with you anywhere and everywhere. It's a Small World is the best for doing so. A good 15 minute boat ride with an albeit slightly grating song is good enough. He loves The Haunted Mansion for the same reason. Any slow, dark ride where you can feed each other popcorn is best. To get in and out of the park, he enjoys taking the Monorail from Downtown Disney.

Edward Nashton: You ever see an impossibly high score on a game? Higher than the cast members who work the ride, Edward is the champ! Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters is where it's at for Eddie! He gets so immersed in it that he forgets there's a photo and he always looks so determined, hunched over reaching out with the blaster in hand. He also goes crazy competitive on Toy Story: Midway Mania and always gets the tippiest of top scores to your amazement.

Joby Taylor: First, you need to beg, plead, and bribe him to even set foot on property. They serve alcohol is the line that gets him. Joby is so not into the no smoking unless outside security, but can stand it for a day. Just for you. Beer in hand, you force him in line for Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission Breakout! He downs the beer, gets on, then once your ride plays Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf, he is hooked.

Burt Fabelman: He worked for GE! Keeping to the time period, he adores the Carousel of Progress in Tomorrowland. He feels so proud of what he does now and what the future holds. He has to see the show first! Tomorrowland is where he feels happiest (People Mover!), but also is down for a round in the Enchanted Tiki Room, and Mark Twain's River Boat, too.

Louis Ives: A bit of a traditionalist. He adores the fact the carousel horses are authentic antiques. Any time Mary Poppins and Burt are on it as well, he gets giddy and will watch and wave at them! Louis adores Storybook Land, even if it's filled with the youngest of guests. When it comes to dining, Louis somehow always manages to score a coveted reservation to the Blue Bayou. Every. Single. Trip. He won't share his secret on how he does it, but if you had to guess, he knows a cast member.

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