#btw do only if u want to!!

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

prince and prince friendship. this is my vision

#blood cw //////// #violence cw /////////// #erikar #eridan ampora #dirk strider #karkat vantas #dave strider #im just crazy about the idea that eridan and dirk would get along #theyre both fucked up in the head but in a way where they go ''theyre a freak but theyre basically OK'' about each other #eridan is too stupid/stubborn to manipulate and dirk literally could not give less of a shit about eridan's drama #so they have like a net 0 impact on each other #they do not make each other better. they also do not make each other worse. #they just get really bored and lonely sometimes #''do u want to stave off the ennui and beat the shit out of each other'' ''sure i dont have anything else going on today'' #just super lethargic and almost transactional #since they only hang out when theyre both bored as shit. from the outside it almost looks like a moirallegiance thing #at least until they start trying to murder each other which is when it suddenly looks like a kismesis #but its neither #theyre literally just bored and love violence #eridan <> karkat btw

[oatbugs]

last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.

#she said it like a law. its just momentum. #also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together #and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn #they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th #UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there #and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe #ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in #death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is #unwarranted #anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday #they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭 #but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but #alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually #OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW #i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident #....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant

[hongluboobs]

ur always chasin that damn Whale🙄‼️

#pachidraws #limbus company #ishmael #ishmael lcb #i pulled out adobe illustrator for this. i have like 3 comps i am supposed to do instead. but its ok bc i like this #fun fact! those fonts aren't imitations I genuinelt identified and found the limbus company fonts #off of memory/random chance #if ur curious said fonts are dimensions and bebas neue #both by Dharma type #Thank you graphic design major. this is the ONLY thing it's ever done for me #pachiposting #im so happy ishmael looks like this. shes so cool i love her. doing all that work on the hat with pen tool was worth it #this is all with a trackpad btw. if u even care (i was possessed i think) #i love ishmael i want her #hope u enjoy

[geodenes]

can someone PLEASE be insane with me about them

#mordeson #regular show #benson #benson dunwoody #(ꈍᴗꈍ)♡ #mordecai #regular show fanart #regular show benson #regular show mordecai #mordecai x benson #GUYS I LOVE THEM SO MUCHJ i rlly wish i could talk as in much depth about them as i would like 2 bc i could spend hours!!!! i swear 😪 #i can't believe i only had a single post of them I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAKE FAN IM SO SORRY #btw has anyone thought of a name for this ship besides mordeson? i always wanted 2 make one like those big fandoms do ! it's just so.. cool #i suggest bluegum or videoclip ( videogames + clipboard ) in case there are no options available yet:3 #I HOPE THOSE DON'T SOUND LAME AAAAUGH I REALLY TRIED MY BEST TO THINK OF SOMETHING GOOD BUT MY BRAIN IS USELESS 4 THIS KINDA STUFF #anyway. thank u very much bee for letting me use the idea of the cat beanie hehee<3

[obscenicon]

my sweeties ^.^

#homestuck #oddities&curiosities #just. needed to draw all of them. rlly figure out how i enjoy drawing them individually #but without doing a fullbody lineup bcs thats kinda soulcrushing #jakes the only white one btw #token white girl #aaaah. the quality is so garbage <3 thansk tumblr <3 #anyways dm me for high quality image if u want

[tomatoart]

one shot click click click reload reload reload

#liquid snake #psycho mantis #tretij rebenok #eli mgsv #metal gear solid #mgs #mgsv #queue are lovely #only just got to the part where they turn everone on mother base to a transgender btw. this game is insane #but yayy im a very big fan of liquid now ^_^ i liked him enough b4 but seeing him more now has me rlly appreciating him. AND mantis i think #i understand mantis like no one else. aka i just rlly enjoy him and he reminds me of myself in ways #liquid too but only bc he has boy autism specifically #okiee sorry for rambling i just wanted to let everyone knoe im an eli and mantis supa fan *backs up truck into telephone poll* erm what the #blood #sorry for the drain caption btw i couldnt come up w anything. do u still love me #trans guy and his resident nonbinary.. #also im stil trying to learn how to draw mantis so im not too happy w tht but we rockin

[bericas]

isaac & scott / mason & theo | sometimes all i think about is you

#twedit #twvid #scisaac #mason x theo #twrarepair #back on my scisaac masontheo parallel bullshit btw #back on my masontheo is just scisaac if they were True enemies to lovers bullshit. btw. if anyone was wondering. #like of course scisaac and masontheo get paintaking scenes. its enemies to lovers. ofc mason calls theo a bitch its FULL enemies to lovers #for clarity the hands at the rave and the masontheo hug r parallels to ME bc its touch with an excuse for it #scisaac can brush hands when theyre holding a needle between them and theo can hug mason when its a means to an end #the rest i feel r fairly straightforward but i wanted to share the vision for that one #mason hewitt #theo raeken #scott mccall #isaac lahey #tw #oh also the last shot is the last shot of isaac and theo respectively. if that wasnt clear. #like how isaac and theo both nebulously sort of Gone from beacon hills #and the theo shot also to me looks like footage from The masontheo ep 618. btw. which just brings me joy #actually i have more to say. hi. masontheo r just so. #you know how isaac kind of has. he has the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved and is forced to improvise #theo doesnt even have THAT!!!! scott holds out a hand and isaac takes it with an awkward fervor #mason keeps his hands to himself because he doesn't trust what theo might do with it and theo can only help when its helping himself #bc the tenderness will be TOO AWKWARD. so isaac says he wont leave without scott and theo says we need to find him so i cant leave you #so isaac grabs scott because scott makes him feel safe and theo can only grab mason when its part of a script bc thats how he feels safe #HELLO. IS THIS THING ON. DO U GUYS HEAR ME. SCISAAC IF THEY WERE TRUE ENEMIES TO LOVERS!!!!

[harbingersecho]

some rvb peeps in my old art style... it fits some more than others

#rvb #red vs blue #felix #locus #kai #mine #*24 #im not scared of much but that thing *points at felix* that thing scares me. #obv they look a shitton better now than back then bc its been like 4 years lol #sorry for not posting much btw i've been gaming a bunch to ignore reality + responsibilities. u know how it is #but this was kind of fun to do. i used to only draw this way bc i sucked at painting sm but now its like. i can draw this way bc i want to? #if that makes sense lol

[inkskinned]

one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.

but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.

you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.

and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.

you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?

the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.

#writeblr #btw i got out #even though i felt this way #i was undiagnosed and was in a particularly fucked up situation #(it's complicated lol) #i had no money and no way out #no car no license . i still had a curfew at 22 years old #and still. i got out. #you can get out too. #i wasn't allowed to literally do anything after school we were pretty much only allowed 1 hobby #and STILL i got out. #it wasn't bc i was particularly smart or capable or clever. it's that 1. i got lucky & 2. #i knew there had to be The Rest of The World #and I wanted to at least VAGUELY get to the Rest of the World before i gave up trying #sometimes it's the spite that gets u thru it. that sense - fuck u #FUCK YOU ACTUALLY. #im gonna make my own life u stupid bitch. since u seem so convinced i could never REALLY do it. #whenever ppl are like <3 just cut out ur parents <3 im like <3 have u never been poor lol <3 #<3 i needed them to sign my loans <3 #<3 bestie not every person who is struggling is going to be able to make the grades and hero status to get a free ride. #and guess what baby!! we still deserve to get out and have a good life.

[milkbreadtoast]

doodled Stayn from living with magicians webtoon... I like him :) (just felt like drawing random webtoon characters fsr lmao)

#living with magicians #독신마법사기숙아파트 #stayn #idk his last name lol #my art #im like 100% certain theres nothing in those tags either #I've been keeping up w this webtoon but I havent said anything abt it bc i dont necessarily rec it..? #i mean its decent so read if u want but i dont have brainrot for it so dkfjdj... #except for this guy he's fun :) love when stories have a blonde guy and hes kinda fucked up <3 #he's like a cross btwn milk cookie & clotted cream cookie but more of an asshole than both of them KDJDK #(can i just say i rly prefer his design from ep 1 tho..... girl why'd u straighten ur hair... 💔 glowdown) #oh also he fits 1 of my fav tropes... asshole healer :) #anyway yea i dont necessarily rec it ITS NOT BAD BUT NOT 1 OF MY FAVS IS ALL... 🤧 #(try to only rec webtoons i feel strongly abt bc i want u guys to trust my taste dkfjdk) #BTW IM NOT DISSING IT AT ALL its a nice webtoon!! if u also read it and like it then yaay #ok i do highkey love stayn tho hes the only 1 i have brainrot for. i <3 2 faced blonde bitches

[rustyreveries]

happy autism acceptance month!! i doodled salad to celebrate <3

he’s one of the best unintentional autistic reps imo

#sal is my sugar pie honey bunch <3 #kissing him holding him in my arms. his breath stinks but that’s okay mine does too lmao #he means so much to me .. ​every time i see him i do a little happy stim :3 #btw!! this month marks like… 9 years?? since i first discovered salad fingers! #i joined the fandom last year but i’ve liked david’s stuff much longer than that. i didn’t even know sf had a fandom until recently lol #salad fingers #the pose is kinda awkward but it’s fitting i think #i hate how simple my art style is but i don’t want it to be complex either ☹️ oh well #tho i guess it’s ok cuz i like the more cartoony look. the only thing i wanna rlly improve on is shading #i’m practicing i promise …… #i’m gonna go a bit crazy w/ the tags cause… i think i deserve it #tbh creature #autism creature #ngl the tbh creature would fit right into the sf universe #autism acceptance #autism acceptence month #autistic artist #actually autistic #btw if you’re wondering how i post art so fast it’s bc i have like 500 sketches in my files that i’ve never finished 😭😭 #i’ve been going through them and just. cleaning them up a bit before shoving them down everyone’s throats #ok bye love u guys /p #> rust's art <

[fourteenfifteen]

thinking about the public domain is more than a little devastating to me like they’ve literally taken so much from us. the corporatization of art and culture has locked away american cultural heritage for longer and longer periods of time! the original term for public domain was 56 years think about that. almost 40 more years. i hope we all live 40 more years but who knows. and how much of that art will degrade and disappear in the meantime! things are lost every day! truly and genuinely it’s such a loss for the independent artist i want people to be able to adapt things from the ‘60s into shitty plays that they put on at their local rec centers and to make money off of that but we can’t because of corporate greed

#i mean. you can make whatever u want still nobody can stop you #but do you ever feel like we could be exalting in our shared cultural heritage if only we were allowed #not to mention the ability for cheapo paperback copies of things. damn i should go buy one of orlando btw #anyway. new stuff in the public domain is exciting but bittersweet so much has been taken from us #cool b does cool things

[lolhex12]

we don't talk enough abt akutagawa's cough / lung disease (chronic&terminal) yet it has so much angst potential?? anywayy

after the current arc, atsushi knows akutagawa is actively dying and he's the only one who does bc akutagawa didn't tell anyone else abt it. (altho, in all honesty, the amount this man coughs should at least hint at it. i'm honestly amazed not more ppl in the story are concerned abt it)

so, the next mission they have together, akutagawa coughs and atsushi is now aware what it really means, so he wonders out loud with nonchalance masking his concern: "hey, so like, do you think yosano's ability would help with your cough and all? would it go away then?"

akutagawa, wiping his mouth, slightly annoyed: "how would i now? i'm not well-acquainted with your coworkers, weretiger, therefore it's none of my concern. and even then, i wouldn't trust any ada members with my issues, nor my life."

atsushi finds his words a bit sus bc 'u do trust me tho', but doesn't say it out loud and they leave it at that.

somehow, it becomes a regular thing. every time they have a mission together and atsushi hears his partner cough, he presents more ideas of how they could cure a terminal lung disease, and they vary in absurdity as he runs out of inspiration.

his ideas range from mere "have you tried going to a doctor?" (<- at which akutagawa stares in disbelief: "you either think i'm an idiot, or you are the idiot. which one is it?" and atsushi pouts bc 'ok yeah, fair... but also, rude') to insanities like "maybe witchcraft would help! i could look up witches in the area and see if black magic or something has any luck." (<- at which akutagawa is so done he doesn't even entertain the idea and just keeps walking)

they never follow through with any idea tho, bc akutagawa stubbornly refuses to waste time on trying to find a cure when his time on earth already is very limited.

it should also be noted that each time the cough gets worse; louder, rougher, more persistent and even bloody, which only makes atsushi more and more worried.

so one time, akutagawa's particularly annoyed by atsushi's insane and stupid ideas. he turns to him and point-blank asks: "why do even care so much whether i succumb to my illness or not? surely, my death should only leave you overjoyed to see the world be rid of one more evil."

that makes atsushi think bc 'why? why does he care whether akutagawa lives or dies? he's right, a bad person like a mafioso dying should be a good thing.'

after lengthy contemplation he comes to the conclusion that he simply cannot have his sworn enemy/rival/partner die from something as pathetic as a disease. someone as strong as akutagawa has to die in a more memorable way - not alone, in a bed, coughing, with nothing more to be remembered by. if anything he'd have to die fighting atsushi or something. yeah that's it. that's why. (<- it's not, but they're not quite there yet)

so atsushi tells him as much. akutagawa accepts it bc 'yeah, makes sense. what else could the reason be?'

the whole routine of coughing and brainstorming a solution in vain continues as the ideas get even more insane, the cough even worse and atsushi more concerned than ever.

the next time akutagawa is annoyed enough to pose the question again, atsushi is close to tears from anxiety as he holds up akutagawa who collapsed and can't seem to subdue his cough properly.

atsushi struggles to get out the water bottle and cough drops he'd started carrying around on their missions together. he's so scared bc he's never seen akutagawa look so sick and frail before (but not weak. never weak. akutagawa could never be weak in atsushi's eyes. it's impossible, bc akutagawa being strong is a simple, unchangeable fact, constant in any possible universe).

what would he do if akutagawa actually died there? in his arms? on a mission? which would probably get cancelled. would the pm think atsushi killed him? does he bring back the body or just bury it somewhere? pretend he got killed on the mission and not by his own body that had turned on him years ago and was in reality a long time coming? he couldn't even bear to think abt it.

"why tf do u care so much??" akutagawa yells with a scratchy voice before his cough continue despite his best efforts to stop.

atsushi can barely breathe anymore. "because i don't want you to die, you idiot! we're a team! you're my partner. who will i be left with if you go?" tears stream down his face, mainly from how overwhelming his anxiety feels. or maybe bc he really doesn't want his partner to die? nah, it's the anxiety. definitely the anxiety. (<- #denial)

akutagawa, at first embarrassed how his collapse derailed their mission bc goddammit he's supposed to be a professional and not let his issues interfere with his job, pauses when he sees atsushi crying... for him? because of him? ???

he's very confused bc he's pretty sure his rival/enemy/partner should not be so concerned abt his health and impending death, but something abt atsushi's expression and that whole situation makes him rethink his outlook on life.

that's when akutagawa starts taking his health more seriously and actively looks for possible, feasible ways to cure his disease, even if there's only a small chance it'll actually work. bc seeing atsushi like that made him realize there are a handful of people who care abt him and would mourn him if he died; more than just his sister and higuchi.

it made him realize his life had a bigger impact on others than he'd previously thought, not all of it bad.

#i'm insane. i wrote this at 4am and it should not have gotten this long. i just wanted to note down the idea not write it out #fml #they're both very much idiots btw. they care but cannot come to the conclusion it could possibly be in a romantic way #only enemies bc 'grrr ure evil' and 'grr dazai likes u better' #they do eventually get over it and start dating dw trust me i can see the future😌👍 #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanon #headcanon #nakajima atsushi #akutagawa ryunosuke #shin soukoku #sskk #akutagawa x atsushi #i desperately need to see more chronic illness!akutagawa content bc it's such a good angst source #and best part abt it? IT'S CANON. CANON CHARACTER WITH CANON CHRONIC HEALTH ISSUES AND TERMINAL LUNG DISEASE #like cmon it's. right. there. we just gotta grab it and the magic will happen #just watched the new ep. #ngl kinda disappointed to see how akutagwa's confession abt his disease was portrayed as an off-hand comment. it needed more impact imo #then again. it's bones <- disappointed but not surprised

[yooniesim]

I know nobody gives a shit about this in comparison so posting a save file with uncredited builds in it, but reminder of that time @mapanou started calling me out of name and spewing hateful nazi ideology at me out of nowhere just bc i made a lukewarm criticism of a paywaller and I dared to say black people are often criticized more for being angry... but since only one of my parents are black that ain't allowed 😬 some of yall acted like this was okay but I didn't forget it, I notice how some of their friends are acting all betrayed now bc their homie turned out to be a sims content thief but you knew who you were laying down with clearly. You were glad to support an extremely nasty ass person when the vitriol was directed at me, but God forbid someone not credit a build! anyway guess who was struck down and it wasn't me bitch 💀

That aside, since the insufferable cunt had the nerve to mention the One Drop Rule, which has been used as a tool to discriminate against all black people and keep their mixed offspring othered for as many generations as possible, here's some sources on what it actually refers to (and some related articles about the struggles of mixed race people). It's a method of discrimination by white supremacists, not a way for mixed race people that you think are unworthy of speaking to "claim" to be black. If you're lurking, mapanou, i hope you and your friends read them and understand something you should have already at your "very big age".

One Drop Rule on Wikipedia (for the basic concept + more sources)

How The "One Drop Rule" Became a Tool of White Supremacy

How The Nazis Were Inspired by Jim Crow

Understanding the Stressors and Types of Discrimination That Can Affect Multiracial Individuals

Exploring Black mixed-race experiences of Black rejection

Not Enough Or Double The Prejudice: On Being Black & Asian American

Why Imposter Syndrome Goes Deep for Multiracial People

When Your Own Family Is Racist Toward You

^ the basic gist for the lazy. and just an added bit. I don't know if mapanou has ever seen me, because I barely know them and certainly didn't share with them, but I have been doxxed plenty and my pics probably shared to them by others and im obviously not white though i am light skinned. im very proud of my dark natural hair, brown eyes, thick lips and big nose that I all got from my father. I have nothing to prove nor hide about who I am. I am black and asian and white and I love every part of what makes me, me. I am mixed race and if you don't believe or like me as I am that's your problem not mine. just wanna clear that up for all the people that may have been confused about it. and for all my followers that are mixed, especially black and asian, I love you and you have a place here. your voices and experiences are valuable and you deserve to be heard. that's all I got to say.

#ceci speaks #nonsims #text #negative #mapanou #long post #ceci speaks a lot more #white supremacy tw #racism tw #tw antiblackness #i know im gonna get attacked for this but idc #send ur asks make ur vagues whatever idc #yall were wrong for this one #so screenshot and wank and cry all u want in discord ur still shit #and make up some more lies like you do when ur wrong i already expecting that #thank you to all the ppl that supported me when they were saying that shit btw cos ngl it sucked to see ppl just ignoring it #also i dont use she her pronouns so pls dont use them just bc mapanou did thx #why did i write this at 11 pm #also i only saw about the save file so if they did other vile shit idk about it so lmk if so #but it would be on brand if so

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened