#because yes eddie had no idea the tsunami was gonna happen and the same way it wasnt Bucks fault it wasnt eddie | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

matan4il · 1 year

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hello alice! it’s miya here & yes it’s been a hot minute since i’ve been in your ask box! i recently just had 3 surgeries that were basically two in my nose & then i had to get my tonsils out again so i’ve essentially been recovering from that & not in the mood to talk mostly. I do however hope all has been well with you.

since the finale is right around the corner, I wanted to talk to you about buck’s growth this season. we know in the beginning that buck was upset about not getting picked as interim captain despite the fact that he was not clearly ready, the couch theory & how actually death experiences can reset all the progress you’ve made.

i’ve see a lot of folks saying buck has regressed back into old habits & i’d say that’s not true. Buck agreeing to be a donor in the beginning was something he did because he’s buck but the influence around him saying yes was mainly what connor said to him about him being such a good person & what not. now after he dies buck realized he can’t live based off of how others see him & make decisions solely off of that which is why things quickly ended with natalia. i thought it was funny how she said she needed a minute to think & not 10 seconds later she left 😭. Buck didn’t necessarily chase after her for the sake of getting her back but i think he wanted her so badly to understand & it’s like there is already someone in his life who understands & sees him for who he really is and that’s eddie. it’s hard to see someone who buck may feel like kinda has to accept him for all he is cause that’s his best friend as a potential partner but i think there is a possibility we might see that in the finale.

we know the entire 118 is in danger, now granted we have no idea what that means & since we logically only have 45 minutes to tell this story, there is a possibility of things not being completely wrapped up. i wanted to also point out that the only two people (technically 3 if you count chris) who know that buck does not have a couch is Bobby & Eddie. two important people in his life who buck would quite literally lay his life down for. Buck told eddie that “maybe he does not want to pick the wrong couch again” & then he later on told bobby that “im afraid im gonna keep on making the same mistakes” it’s clear buck wants to go about things differently but it’s a matter of how?

i think he was on his way there but then he died and suddenly life got confusing for him. sometimes i think people downplay the fact that buck’s heart stopped & how he genuinely felt like he got away with something when he woke up in the hospital. of course he is going to go around making the most of life. now the way he goes about it may not be the way we want it to happen but it does make sense for bucks character. he wants to treat every waking moment as a gift & that’s things are a sign cause he feels like he’ll never get that lucky again & that’s ultimately very sad.

i think we’ll definitely see buck in s more bigger leadership position next monday however the biggest difference is that his team will be a witness. his team doesn’t know how buck took charge when the tsunami happened or how he saved eddie’s life during the shooting & i’m still on the fence of if eddie knows that. i hope they see what he’s capable of but I hope buck see’s that he’s already had these skills in him it was just a matter of tapping into them.

the couch theory idk.. they have been making it a point to show buck, chris on the couch & then chris and eddie with a space open for one more as if we wouldn’t notice but idk we will see. maybe buck takes eddie home after everything & he falls asleep on the couch after putting chris to bed & everything kinds of falls into place

anyways sorry for my rambling. i have had all of this on my mind for a while lol but again I hope all is well with yous and that life has been treating you good. ❤️

Hi darling! OMG, 3 surgeries? That's so much, especially over such a short period of time. I hope you're doing better now? And thank you for the kind words and for caring. I'm not doing so hot at the moment, but hoping it'll get better. *HUGS*

TBH, I'm not sure what I think. I do expect the finale not to wrap everything up, because they have so many balls they've been juggling up in the air, the bridge collapse will take up a huge part of the ep, so I really don't know how much they can condense into this and address all of the threads that they opened this season. I do absolutely expect that there will be circles that they'll be closing, like Buck moving from feeling dejected over not being considered for the position of interim captain in 601, to acting as captain in the field when the 118 (with Bobby) goes down. And since 601 linked Buck figuring his own life out enough to be able to take this position by linking to the metaphor of the couch, I very much expect to see some return to that, although all may not be resolved in 618. Kind of like how 414 gave us the talk between Buddie to resolve Buck's immediate sense of guilt over seeing Eddie getting shot in front of his very eyes, but it didn't resolve the "make sure you follow your heart" thread that was opened in 413. Eddie still needed to go through it at the beginning of s5 in order to choose himself and be able to break up with Ana in 503. Similarly, Buck was just starting things out with Taylor in 414, and he needed all of s5 to break up with her, even though it was clear they were wrong for each other from the start, and especially as their first kiss was born from Buck's distress over Eddie getting shot in front of his own eyes.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me! I'm looking forward to screaming over 618 with you once it airs! Sending tons of love and good healing vibes to you, lovely. (as always, here's my ask tag) xoxox

#ask #mementosforthebrain #buddie #911meta #911 on abc #911 abc #buddie meta #911 meta #911abc #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911onabc #911 #edmundo diaz #evan buck buckley #911 speculation #911 spoilers

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name-me-regret · 3 years

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If The World Was Ending 15/?

If The World Was Ending Chapter Fifteen: A Reason To Live

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

“When I die, I wanna die with my Chucks on Pair of jeans and a shirt with MJ on I’m gonna die, yes, but I'ma live in style Time is golden don’t you waste a second Make the most of everything you’re getting Cause you’re gonna die too, so best you live in style

All I know Is I’m not giving up I’m gonna go Until my time is up…

When I wake up I'ma look in the mirror Take a look and see my vision clearer Oh I’m gonna give, my everything Went to church the other, Sunday morning Preacher told me ‘Put an end to the moaning Cause you’ve got a reason, a reason to live’...”

~Chucks - Mi Casa, Younotus

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

The man had literally an endless supply of ammo it seemed, since they had to continue to avoid being shot at from the grenade launcher, and he was still too close to the residential areas that Rhodes didn’t want to use his heavy artillery. Also, the police that had been following the assassin were too close. So, he stuck to repulsor blasts, but when they did manage to connect, didn’t seem to harm him that much besides some first or second degree burns. That wasn’t enough to take down the man that was clearly enhanced in some way, judging by the way he’d picked up his motorcycle and threw it at Buck with ease. The man wasn’t fast enough as he was slammed by the 400 pound vehicle, flying back as he tumbled across the ground. Thankfully, there wasn’t anyone or anything around.

“That’s it, I’m putting him down,” Rhodes growls. Buck lifts his head and sees the man’s suit shift as a missile comes out of his shoulder as well as his mini-gun.

Buck wants to stop him, because he didn’t want him to kill anyone regardless if the other was trying to kill them. Before he could, Rhodes is unleashing the missile and then the mini-gun when the assassin dodges the projectile. As he was dodging the bullets, Buck saw his opportunity and stood, flew to where the motorcycle was at. He took hold of a flash grenade JARVIS provided that was apparently part of the armor’s arsenal. He attaches it to the motorcycle and then was amazed as he was able to lift it, and started to swing it around and then let it go in the man’s general direction.

As expected, he was able to dodge, but he wasn’t expecting the flash grenade which exploded close enough to knock him off his feet. This wasn’t the movies so the motorcycle didn��t explode, but the one of handle bars did rip the rest of the way off after the second throw though. Buck is already in the air moments after he throws the motorcycle, so he arrives as the Winter Soldier is starting to get up and kicks him across the face. It knocks the mask off his face, as well as quite a bit of blood from his mouth. Buck winces, but knows he doesn’t have a choice. War Machine is on them in the next moment, knocking into the man with all the strength of a battering ram as he had tries to stand a second time.

“Hold him down!” Buck quickly jumps forward and helps Rhodes, who forces the still struggling man onto his stomach. Rhodes puts a pair of heavy duty handcuffs on him, but it extended from the wrist all the way to his forearm. Their newly secured prisoner struggles but isn’t able to break out of them. “Good luck breaking out of that, buddy. It’s Starkanium.” He pulls his fist back and punches the man in the back of the head, finishing in knocking him out before he looks at Buck. His faceplate lifted as he gives him a grin. “Good work, Evan.”

Buck is breathing heavily, from exertion and the adrenaline coursing through him. His own face plate lifts and he grins back at the other, since that was the single most craziest thing he’d ever done. It was also the first time in a long time he’s worked with someone and felt trusted. “Thanks!” He swallows as he tries to regain his breathing back to normal. “And it’s Buck, by the way. No one calls me Evan anymore.”

Rhodes laughs and claps him on his armored shoulder. “Sure thing, Buck.”

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Bobby was very concerned, because Athena had called him a few minutes ago but she couldn’t really get out much from in between her sobs. So, a heavy feeling was quickly building in his chest and choking him; a feeling he was very familiar with. It was the same feeling from when he’d lost Marcy, Robert Jr., and Brooke. So, as soon as he managed to find a parking space —that may or may not end up with him getting towed— he’d jumped out and started to make his way toward the medical center. Before long he was jogging, and then running as that feeling started to build.

Finally, he sees his wife and there were tears running down her beautiful face, and slows to a stop as he reaches her. “What? What’s happened?” Bobby demands, wrapping his arms around her to try and offer some kind of comfort to the woman he loved. It was just, he was too freaked out to properly do so.

“Buck... his...” she tries to get out, thus further confusing Bobby. It was then she pulls away and hands him something that his heart dropping down through his stomach, because he recognizes it. He was holding the charred remains of Buck’s license plate.

Bobby suddenly realizes with a horrifying clarity that he had just lost another son.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Eddie zipped up the hoodie over his sweaty, battered body with a wince, since he had taken more body hits in order to not get punched in the face. It would be harder to explain away a black eye than hide a bruise to his stomach. And not for the first time, he wondered if he was making a big mistake, and then remembered the winnings that were burning a hole in his pocket and all he could do with it.

Originally, he had gone to the street fights to release his anger and forget about things that he didn’t want to think about. He didn’t want to think of Shannon and how she had left him twice, once by choice and the other unwillingly, and that she would have left him willingly anyways if she hadn’t died. And how pathetic that he was angry at a dead woman, even months after her death.

Then there was almost losing his son in the tsunami, and the one that had almost killed himself searching for him; and found him in the end. Buck. He was the one he didn’t want to think of the most, and the look on his face the last time they’d seen each other and Eddie had spewed hurtful words that weren’t true. And Eddie had never felt more like his father than in that moment, and he wished he could push the words back into his mouth so they could have never caused such a look on Buck’s face.

He was just angry, angrier because he couldn’t see him. Mostly at himself, because if he was being truthful, he had preached about all of them having problems and needing to suck it up, and when he had examined his words he realized he’d sounded like his father. His old man had always drilled into his head that he couldn’t whine about his problems, that he had to be a man.

‘No puedes llorar o te verás como un maricón. Aguántate como un hombre.’

You can’t cry or you’ll look like a faggot. Hold it in like a man.

It was those lessons that always reared their ugly head whenever he tried to deal with his own emotions. He knew it was because of this, the machismo taught to him by his father that his marriage with Shannon had failed. Also, because he hadn’t been there to help her when she needed him. That was also tied with it though, because a man’s job was to provide for the family and the woman to raise the children. It was wrong, of course, but it’s what he’d been taught growing up, and he had let it control him for so long.

Now, he was making the same mistakes all over again with Buck, even if he knew that their relationship wasn’t that of a couple. It wasn’t to say that he was adverse to the idea of them together, but he knew that Buck and Tony were together, and that was one of the reasons he had lashed out. That as well as that sleazy lawyer bringing up Shannon and reminding him all over again where he had failed.

As he got into his new truck, having made enough money to make a sizable down payment on it, Eddie turned on the A/C. His phone started to ring as he pulled out of the parking lot of the run down factory, and frowned when he saw that it was Bobby. He was wondering what he needed and hoped he didn’t need him to come in for an extra shift, since he wasn’t exactly in a position to do so. Besides, he had seen the man earlier at the end of their shift. The grocery run had been the last thing they did before they were finished, having to extend it because of the road rage incident in the parking lot.

“Hey, Bobby,” he greeted as his phone connected to his truck’s bluetooth. That’s another thing he loved about the truck, since he could answer his phone and not have to worry about taking his eyes off the road. “What’s up?”

‘Eddie,’ came the man’s choked voice, making Eddie immediately snap to attention. Something was wrong.

“What’s wrong?” His heart was already beating wildly in his chest, fingers gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were turning white.

‘It’s Buck.’

Eddie felt his heart jump up into his throat and images of the truck bombing, the pulmonary embolism, and the tsunami coming to him so abruptly that he had to pull over before he has an accident. “What happened? Is he alright?” It didn’t even matter that he was mad at him at the moment, because in the end, Buck was Eddie’s best friend and would come running if he needed him.

‘He... his Jeep... you should come to Kaiser Medical Center on Sunset Blvd,’ he finally said, clearly unable to finish what he had wanted to say.

Eddie immediately swiped up on his screen to get his phone to the main menu and brought up his map amp as he found the complete address on there. “I’m on my way,” he told him before ending the call. Then he pulled away from the curve, hearing as someone blared their horn behind him as they had to stop when he pulled into traffic so suddenly. Eddie didn’t pay them any mind and floored the gas pedal, the feeling of dread building more and more the longer it took to get to where he needed to go.

When he was unable to get through due to emergency vehicles, he felt his heart stop in dread. “Buck,” he whispered, before he’s out of his truck and running toward the scene. When he gets to the police line, he can’t see much besides the red lights and black smoke of something manmade on fire, like a building... or a vehicle.

Eddie is suddenly under the police line before he knows what he’s doing as Bobby’s words echo in his ears. ‘It’s Buck. He... his Jeep...’ And also the last thing he said to him in that grocery store. The words that he didn’t mean, but had said them anyways.

‘Because you’re exhausting! We all have our own problems, but you don’t see us whining about it. No, somehow, we just manage to suck it up. Why can’t you?’ And Eddie hadn’t meant them, not really, he was just mad. Eddie was mad that he couldn’t speak to him, that Christopher was having nightmares and calling for Buck, and the man couldn’t contact them.

In that moment, none of that matters, and all he’s thinking and praying, is that Buck is alright. That if that’s his Jeep burning, then he isn’t inside of it. Because if he’s... If Buck’s...

He’s stopped by some officers as they try to hold him back. Eddie only doesn’t swing at them because he’s so desperate to get through and make sure Buck is okay. Then he hears a voice that makes him stop and he sees it’s Athena, and she saves him from getting arrested, again.

“Is it Buck’s Jeep?” he demands of her. Normally he wouldn’t ever speak to the older woman like that, but he needs to know. Eddie wants her to tell him that it isn’t Buck, and that he’s just being irrational right then. She shatters his world with her next words.

“Yes, it’s Buck’s Jeep.”

A strangled sob escapes him and she’s suddenly hugging him, and he’s never ever hugged or even touched Athena besides a brief pat on the shoulder. However, in that moment her arms are the only thing holding Eddie together.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Buck flight back toward Kaiser is much better than when he left it. He thinks he’s getting the hang of the suit, even if he didn’t really think it was a great idea. After all, even if JARVIS had said that Tony had built the suit for him, it couldn’t really be for him... surely not to keep. Buck can’t really think that he will. That’s just crazy.

He sees mayhem when he flies over the medical center, the lights of police and other medical personnel and he knows that he’ll have to answer for some of it. Rhodes had told him not to worry about it, since it was only a few damaged cars and a few minor injuries, but luckily no one died. He told Buck before leaving to secure the prisoner, that after the attack in New York, Tony had created the Stark Relief Foundation and that the destruction caused today would be covered by the Foundation.

Buck had of course heard about it but the day had been wild that he hadn’t really been thinking of that at the time. He also really hoped that meant he’d get his Jeep as well, since he had just gotten it back from the shop after the tsunami, and he needed his Jeep. It wasn’t the same one that his sister had given him, which had quit on him when he was six months into his probationary year.

The Jeep he had brought afterwards wasn’t the latest model, because he hadn’t been rich or anything. All that mattered was that it was a Jeep and he’d managed to keep the word JEEP from the one Maddie had given him and had it put on the dash. It and a few other things he had added to his new one, so it wouldn’t feel that much different. The damage had been extensive after the tsunami, but nothing that couldn’t be repaired, especially after the water had receded and the vehicle recovered. So, he hoped it could be recovered again this time.

Although as he flew over the parking lot and saw the remains of the Jeep, or what he assumed was the Jeep after being hit by the projectile from the grenade launcher, he was sure it wasn’t recoverable. He was only thankful that he hadn’t left his wallet in the middle console as he normally did when he drove. Then again, he had been trying to keep Tony awake on the way to Kaiser, so he hadn’t thought to pull his wallet out of his pocket.

His phone, however, had been in the console since his maps app had been guiding him to the medical center and had forgotten to grab it when Rhodes and the Rescue armor had arrived. So, it had likely been destroyed, and he wouldn’t be able to call anyone for a ride, or even order an Uber or a Lyft. There was no way he could take the suit back to his apartment, since his neighbors were still asking him about Iron Man, or Tony Stark, as if they weren’t the same person.

He could just imagine the gossip if he stepped out of a suit of armor of his own. Oh boy.

Buck was thinking about landing the suit on the roof where no one would see him leave it to check on Tony, but heard JARVIS’s distinct voice suddenly. ‘Mr. Buckley, there appear to be several police officer’s trying to get your attention from down below.’

“Shit... uh, what do I do? Should I go down there, J?”

‘It does seem to be a good idea to speak with the officers about what Colonel Rhodes has told you, Mr. Buckley. Although, if I may suggest, it would probably be better to keep the faceplate down. The Rescue Protocol was only a last resort, and revealing your face would paint a target on your back. It’s prudent to stay off HYDRA’s radar for now.’

Buck inhaled and nodded. “Y-yeah, I think I can do that.” He started to pilot down, now a bit more confident that he can land now without causing anymore property damage. It’s a bit rough but not too bad, and two police officers are suddenly there, and he realizes that one of the has the Captain’s rank and the other is none other than the Chief of Police.

“Iron Man?” the Chief asks, uncertain.

Buck tried to will his voice not to shake as he opened his mouth to answer. “No, I’m not Iron Man,” he told him, surprised when his voice came out warbled like Tony’s does when he speaks without lifting the faceplate. He saw them wait for him to identify himself and he wasn’t sure what to say, and latched onto what JARVIS had called the armor. “I’m Rescue.”

He saw the reporters being kept back by the police lines snap pictures, their flashes lighting up the night along with the lights of first responders. Buck was a bit thrown that their cameras were aimed in his direction, but then again, he guessed he could understand. He did have on armor like Tony, and of course they wanted to know who he was. “Can you tell us what happened here, Rescue?”

“Yes, of course,” he said, clearing his throat and was glad that wasn’t heard since he didn’t want all of them to know how nervous he was. He was surprised as words started to appear on the HUD, and realized that JARVIS wanted him to read it. So, that’s what he did after he took a deep breath to calm his nerves. “At proximately 5:47pm, Iron Man was attacked in a safe house by an assailant that has yet to be identified.” He wondered why the AI didn’t want him to say that it was the Winter Soldier. He wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t about to offer it up and decided to stick to what JARVIS had written for him.

“He managed to escape in a suit of armor that only had flight capabilities and met up with a friend, who took him here for medical treatment. However, his attacker followed him here and proceeded to attack myself and War Machine, who had arrived to offer backup.” He noticed that the ‘statement’ didn’t mention Buck’s name, which was just as well. “We left the area to prevent anymore destruction of the surrounding area, as well as the medical center. The assailant followed us from the ground and managed to cause destruction on a residential home. I was able to rescue the people trapped inside, who were a married couple and their daughter. Afterwards, War Machine and I were able to finally restrain our attacker. War Machine has gone ahead to secure the prisoner while I came back to see to Iron Man. The Stark Relief Foundation has already been informed of this incident and will be on both scenes within the hour.”

“So, Iron Man is inside the medical center receiving treatment at the moment?” the Chief of Police asked. Buck couldn’t remember the man’s name for the life of him, and JARVIS wasn’t giving him anymore information. He nodded instead of speaking again. “Then we shall provide a protection detail for him,” the man told him.

Buck refrained from breathing in relief and turned away from them. He hadn’t taken more than a step when he heard a shout and paused when he recognized the voice. Buck turned and saw three figures heading toward him through the police line; Athena, Bobby and Eddie. He froze, since he hadn’t expected them to be there. Also, he couldn’t really greet them as if he knew them, since there were too many cameras still pointed at them. He also wouldn’t put it past the news reporters to have microphones pointed toward him to try and capture something.

“Yes?” he said, his head tilted down when he saw Athena’s badge attached to her belt. “May I help you, officer?”

“I’m Sergeant Athena Grant, and the friend that helped Iron Man is also a friend of ours. We found the remains of his license plate and we want to make sure he’s uninjured.”

Eddie and Bobby looked like they were really trying not to interrupt her, the former’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. It was hard to make out the expression on his face due to the darkness, but Buck could imagine he was angry. “Sergeant Grant, this isn’t the place to discus these things,” he told her, trying to keep his tone neutral. Buck did not want them to know it was him and risk them revealing his identity. “I’m sure Dr. Stark will get in contact with you about... your friend as soon as he can.”

Buck’s gaze turned toward Eddie as he jerked forward, looking like he wanted to get into his face if not for the hand that Bobby had put on his shoulder to hold him back. “Where is he?!”

He looked at his best friend, not sure if he could call him that after everything that had happened, and wanted to say something. Buck wanted to wipe the angry expression he could see due to the suit, since JARVIS had turned on the night-vision. “I have nothing further to say.”

Buck turned and blasted off, leaving Eddie, Athena and Bobby behind.-

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

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mychemicalrachel · 4 years

Text

Right Here

Takes place right after Eddie Begins. After narrowly avoiding death and being buried alive, Eddie has a question for Buck.

Word count; 1776

Read it on Ao3!

He can’t sleep.

Even if he could, he’s not sure he would want to.

Everytime he closes his eyes, he sees Eddie; covered in mud, buried in the sodden earth, alone and scared. He sees himself digging, screaming, trying to reach him. Trying to let him know he wasn’t alone, that Buck was right there, that he’d always been right there.

If the memories are hitting him this hard while he’s awake, Buck knows that sleep is a long way off. He makes himself some tea and settles into the couch, preparing for a long night.

He flips through channels and turns on the Xbox, only to turn it off again a few minutes later. He scrolls aimlessly through Netflix and starts shows he can’t focus enough attention on, then starts the whole searching process over, trying to find something else to watch. Something to occupy his mind so he isn’t thinking so damn much.

It’s not until a knock sounds for the second time that it earns Buck’s attention. A brief, fleeting acknowledgement; someone is here. And just as quickly, it’s dismissed; someone is here and if he ignores them, they’ll go away. He settles back, sips his tea, and starts another show.

He’s almost forgotten it completely when the door opens, and that sound warrants a lot more attention than just a knock. He tries to remember coming home; He’s fairly certain he locked the door. Even in his mechanical state, it’s habit. And that means that whoever is here has a key.

He waits, head inclined toward the entrance.

“Buck?”

He blinks. “Eddie?” Buck is on his feet before Eddie even rounds the corner. At first he thinks he must be imagining it-- maybe he fell asleep after all and this is just a dream. But Eddie hesitates in the entryway and the pause gives Buck enough clarity of mind to realize it’s not a dream.

“What are you doing here?” Buck demands. He starts forward just as Eddie does, and they both freeze again. “Come in here. Sit down. What are you doing here?” he asks again. He shoves the remote and Xbox controller off onto the floor and ushers Eddie to take a seat on the couch. “You should be resting. You look like hell.”

Eddie grimaces, but laughs nonetheless. “You should talk. Did I wake you up?”

Buck shakes his head. “Can’t sleep.”

“Me neither.”

After the tsunami, Buck recalls a lot of nightmares. He remembers waking up in a cold sweat, shouting Christopher’s name. There were nights and days he spent awake, replaying the moment in his mind, telling Eddie that he’d lost his son.

He can’t even begin to imagine the sort of nightmares Eddie is fighting right now.

“You should be resting, at least.”

“I’m fine,” Eddie says, but he shifts uneasily on the couch. He’s turned to face Buck, one leg pulled up under him, hands splayed on his knees like he’s bracing for impact.

“You were buried alive,” Buck reminds him.

“I remember,” Eddie says. “And I am fine, Buck. Physically. But… That’s kind of why I’m here.” He takes a breath and Buck feels it, too; that moment of impact, bracing for a collision. He waits for whatever it is Eddie might say.

Silence passes in waves, each second another tsunami hitting Buck again and again. He wants to press for more, but he’s afraid of pushing Eddie too far, pushing him away. He stays quiet.

Eventually Eddie swallows, the knot in his throat bobbing along as he speaks. “Back when I was in Afghanistan, there was an attack. They shot down the helicopter. There was fire and sand everywhere, I was choking on it. And I was trying to save everyone, but I got shot. I was bleeding and I was just thinking about….about everything. About my life.”

He sniffles, wiping a hand across his nose. Buck watches a tear splatter on his jeans, but doesn’t say a word.

“I was so scared,” Eddie admits with trembling lips. “That was the only time really that I thought I might die over there.”

Buck’s brow creases. A few times, in the almost two years that Buck had known him, Eddie talked about serving. Mostly it was about the friends, the family, he had while he was over there. But he’d never heard this story. He wonders why he’s hearing it now, of all times, but he knows Eddie needs to get this out in order to say whatever it is he came here to say.

“I had this picture of Christopher and Shannon. It was taken on his fifth birthday. They were smiling, and Cristopher looked so happy. I knew…” Eddie pauses, breathing, to swipe a finger across his lower lip. “I knew that they had each other. If anything happened, if I didn’t come home, I knew that they would be okay because they had each other.”

“But you didn’t die,” Buck says, because he has to say something. He feels the urgency swell to remind both himself and Eddie of this, that he is alive, he’s okay, that he’s here. “You made it home for them.”

Eddie nods. “I knew being a firefighter was dangerous, but last night…”

He trails off and for a long time Buck thinks maybe he won’t even finish. That’s the end of the story, the conversation is over. But Eddie sits up straighter, a look of resolve hardening his features when he finally meets Buck’s eyes. “Last night, I really thought I wouldn’t get out of there. I thought I was gonna die, Buck.”

“What are you saying, Eddie?” Buck asks, because he hates the way this sounds. It was the tone of voice Maddie had used when she explained that she was moving away with Doug. The voice Abby had used before she boarded a plane and never looked back. It was the sound of someone leaving, of being left behind, and Buck was all too familiar with that sound.

The idea of losing Eddie, too…

He saw himself once again, with dirt under his fingernails as he fought to dig Eddie out.

“Before,” Eddie said, stressing each word, willing Buck to understand, “if anything happened to me, Shannon was there. But she’s dead. I am all Christopher has left. If something happened-- if I hadn’t gotten out of there last night--”

“But you did,” Buck tells him.

Eddie huffs in exasperation. “Will you be quiet for two minutes, Buck? I’m trying to ask you something.”

“It sounds like you’re breaking up with me,” Buck says. And he knows how ridiculous it sounds. It feels ridiculous. There’s nothing between them, nothing tangible at least. Nothing to break but a friendship and a co-workmanship. Unless…

“Are you quitting? Because you can’t do that, Eddie. Even Bobby won’t accept a resignation right now. You’re under a lot of stress--”

“Dammit, Buck,” Eddie exclaims. “I’m not resigning. I’m trying to ask you to be Christopher’s godfather!”

The words hang heavy between them and Buck runs them through his head again, then a third time to make sure he’s heard them right. When he’s certain he has, he asks, “What?”

Eddie sighs. “Christopher loves you. You’re my best friend. I told you before, Buck, I trust you more than anyone in the world to take care of him, and I meant that.

“That was for babysitting!” Buck shouts. “For taking care of him for a few hours. Not raising him!”

“Look,” Eddie laughs, and Buck immediately feels some of the tension leave his body. “You don’t have to answer right now. And even if you say yes, it’s not like I’m expecting to drop dead tomorrow. It’s just a what if.”

“Pretty morbid what if.”

Eddie tilts his head, studying Buck. “When you became a firefighter, did you draw up a will?”

Buck thinks for a second. “Yeah,” he admits. But it was nothing super serious. It was a formality. A distant safety net for if anything ever happened on the job. But Buck didn’t have anything of value anyway, he just left everything to Maddie; a sick sort of joke that she would deal with all of his baggage, emotional and otherwise, even after he was dead and gone. But this…

This is Eddie asking him to be Christopher’s godfather. His legal guardian if anything should happen to Eddie.

This was very much real.

“You can’t put a kid in a will, Buck,” Eddie says. The force of the words are lessened with a shrug. “This is just my way of making sure Chris is taken care of. If anything ever happens.”

“What about your parents?” Buck asks, and immediately knows he hit a sore spot when Eddie grimaces.

“They love him,” Eddie concedes. “But there’s a reason we left Texas.”

“But--” Buck gapes. “Why not Bobby and Athena? Or Hen? They have actual kids, Eddie. I don’t know the first thing about being a parent. Why me?”

Eddie watches him, his gaze soft and open when he smiles. “You love him, probably as much as I do. The rest you figure out as you go. You think I had any idea what I was doing at first?”

“You had years of practice,” Buck says.

Eddie nods. “And hopefully I’ll have a lot more years left. But if I don’t--”

“Are you sure about this?”

“One hundred percent, Buck.” Eddie leans forward, his hand coming to rest on Buck’s. It’s warm in a way Buck doesn’t look at too closely-- he just allows himself to enjoy it. “I trust you.”

“Yeah,” he says, and then nods with more determination. “Yeah, Eddie. Of course. You know I’d do anything for you and Chris.”

Eddie squeezes his hand once more, but doesn’t pull away. He leaves them there, their hands tangled on Buck’s knee. He grins, “That’s how I know I’m making the right choice. Now scoot over,” he shoves at Buck, kicking his shoes off onto the floor and pulling his legs up onto the couch. “You were right about needing rest. What are you watching?”

Buck lets himself be manhandled into a comfortable position before restarting the show he had picked, but they don’t make it past the opening credits before he hears Eddie snoring peacefully on his shoulder.

He glances down, watching Eddie’s chest rise and fall. He counts the breaths and lets his own breathing fall into the same rhythm. It makes it all the more real, like they’re sharing one set of lungs. He finally falls asleep knowing that Eddie is alive, that he’s safe. That he’s right here, exactly where he’s supposed to be.

#911 #9-1-1 #buddie #buck x eddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #this has been sitting half finished in my drafts for two weeks #and tonights episode gave me the motivation to finish it #please read it #i need validation #mine #Right Here

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buckleysjareau · 4 years

Text

you feel like the sun on my face

Buck has a way of doing things and saying things that even in Eddie’s worst moods, he still can’t fight his smile.

Eddie's view on Buck's Wikipedia spirals and the beginning of the brilliant idea it inspires.

part 1/3 in my series ‘cause i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place on ao3

cw; non-graphic description of anxiety, scary facts about tsunamis (they’re freaky so this is just to be safe)

One thing Eddie noticed about Buck in the time they’d become friends was that Buck loved to research. He was full of obscure knowledge and useless academic insight and he never let people forget that.

The longer they were friends, the more Eddie realized it was used as a coping mechanism. After bad calls, he’d sit on his laptop and fall down a Wikipedia rabbit hole that, according to Buck, is extremely difficult to get out of.

After the train derailment, and as Buck put it ever so dramatically, the derailment of his sanity, he’d taken Buck back to his house. After the exhausting night they had, he figured Buck would fall right to sleep as soon as he hit the couch. He offered his bed, they were two adults, they didn’t have to make sharing a bed weird; but no, Buck insisted he sleep on the couch.

Which would have been fine with Eddie if Buck had actually slept.

“How did you know my laptop password?” He snorts when he realizes Buck is using his laptop.

When Buck turns to look at him with a smirk, Eddie’s eyes widen as he notices Buck’s bloodshot eyes and the bags under them. “Chris’ birthday, dude? Really?”

“Have you slept a wink?” He leans up against the wall, arms crossed, eyebrows raised.

“Probably not.” He shrugs. “Too busy reading about the evolution of cameras.”

“The what?” Eddie’s mouth drops. “Why would you need to know about the evolution of cameras? And why my laptop? Don’t you have a phone?”

“Why wouldn’t I need to know about the evolution of cameras? The history of the camera began even before the introduction of photography. It evolved from the camera obscura through so many generations of photographic technology like daguerreotypes, calotypes, dry plates, and film. Now we’ve got cameras on our phones, and not to mention cameras and phones didn’t used to exist, which is crazy.” Buck sounded exhausted but enthused at the same time and Eddie curses himself for finding his coping mechanism adorable. “Speaking of phones, to answer your question, it died somewhere around three.”

Eddie nods. “So that’s why Maddie’s called me six times.”

Buck looks at him sheepishly. “Sorry?”

The next time Eddie catches him during one of his Wikipedia binges, it happens a month after they get together.

During family dinner at the station, Bobby mentioned that Harry begged to have a beach day and proceeded to invite the rest of the one-eighteen on their next day off. Eddie looked over to his boyfriend at the mention of it but Buck wasn’t showing any signs that he wasn’t okay with going.

But he was always good at putting on a mask. Spectacularly good at it.

When he wakes up on the day they’re supposed to go, he sends Buck a quick text before he goes about his usual routine. He gets Chris up, brushes his teeth, attempts to make a nice breakfast for them, and gets Christopher ready for the day.

When Buck doesn’t text him back by the time he checks his phone again, he starts to worry. He feels foolish for worrying about not getting a text back, especially when it’s possible that Buck could be going through his morning routine as well, but his reason for worrying is justified.

He gives it another hour before he stops torturing himself waiting for Buck to call or text just to let him know he is on his way.

“Chris, buddy, change of plans! We’re gonna pick up Buck on the way.”

“I thought he was picking us up?”

Eddie smiles through his worry. “I think he overslept, bud. We’re gonna go wake him up.”

Christopher grins. “Surprise attack?”

Eddie snorts. “Surprise attack.”

He lets himself in with his key after knocking fails to work. He automatically sees Buck slumped over the island in his kitchen, just barely sitting on the white stool. His laptop is open and next to it, Buck is dozed off.

Eddie squints to see where Buck landed in his Wikipedia spiral and when he sees what it is, his heart squeezes in his chest.

The tsunami with the highest runup was the 1958 Lituya Bay megatsunami, which had a record height of 524 m (1,719 ft).

He skims through enough of the page to know he’s looking through Wikipedia’s page on tsunamis. He looks at the top to see the tabs he has open which only makes him feel worse.

How To Survive a Tsunami, According to Science

2019 Santa Monica Tsunami

Tsunamis In History

Dealing with Aquaphobia

There’s a lot of tabs open and all of them have to do with tsunamis. He knew this would be upsetting for him, he knew Buck was pushing his limits by even saying yes to going. He should have seen this coming.

“Hey, buddy, I’m gonna wake up Buck and we’re gonna have a little talk. Do you mind going to the couch? I’ll put the T.V. on once he’s awake, yeah?”

“Is Bucky okay?”

“Do you remember how nervous you were to go back to the beach after the tsunami? I think he’s going through the same thing right now, but he’ll be just fine. You know why?”

“Because he has us?”

“Because he has us.” Eddie smiles softly.

Once he gets Chris set up on the couch, he quietly walks over to where Buck is still drooling onto the island. He can’t stop the snort that escapes him. He reaches over to his shoulder and shakes gently, realizing how deep in sleep he is when that doesn’t wake up. He shakes his shoulder a little harder.

“Buck, hey, honey… wake up.”

That does the trick. Buck bolts upright too fast, falling completely off of the island stool and just misses completely hitting the floor when Eddie catches him with two arms.

Buck’s eyes widen at the sight of Eddie. “Eddie? Shit, what time is it?”

“Hey, it’s okay! It’s just passed twelve.”

“Shit, Eds, we’re late! I’m so sorry, dude. Give me-”

Eddie stops him from frantically running to get ready by tightening his grip on Buck’s shoulders. “Slow your roll, babe. I think we should talk first.”

He feels Buck’s entire body tense at those words. “Talk about what?”

Eddie ducks down to get Buck to meet his eyes, smiling softly when he does to hopefully ease whatever spiraling thoughts going through his head. “Have you been anywhere near the beach since the tsunami?”

Buck looked unsettled, almost embarrassed as he closed his eyes and shook his head.

Eddie sucks in a breath. “Buck, it’s been over a year…”

“I know, I know, I’m pathetic. It’s just-”

“You’re not pathetic, babe. After what you went through out there, no one could ever blame you for not wanting to go. Clearly this whole day out has you on edge if your searches have anything to say, so why did you say yes?”

“I can’t avoid it forever, Eds.” Eddie’s heart cracks along with Buck’s voice.

“No, you can’t. But you have me, Buck, you didn’t have to deal with all of this anxiety alone…”

“I just… hate that I’m a grown man that cowers at even the thought of going near open water. This is something that I should just be able to do without someone holding my hand.” He swallows. “I said yes because I thought I would be ready. I guess there really is no ready, though, is there? I’m always just going to be like this.”

Eddie frowns. “Trauma knows no age, you know that. You went through a trauma and being scared does not make you less of an adult, doesn’t make you a coward. Let me tell you this. I wasn’t ready in any way, shape, or form to be a dad when Christopher was born, but the second I got over the initial terror that I’d fuck it all up, being that wonderful kid’s dad in end of that fear was pretty damn rewarding. So, what I’m trying to say is, we don’t have to go, we can just sit here the whole day and play video games and stuff our faces. But, really the only way to conquer a fear is to face it, right? I’ll be right by your side the entire time, we only have to go as far as you can make yourself.”

“And I’ll be there!” Christopher shouts from the couch and Buck’s face lights up as his eyes fill with new tears.

“Superman!”

Eddie can’t stop the enormous grin that comes from the sight of his son and his boyfriend meeting for a hug in the middle for a room. Buck is kneeling down to Christopher’s height and has his arms tightly wrapped around him.

“I was scared the first time at the beach too, but I was okay because I had my dad. You’ll have both of us, Bucky. It’s going to be okay, kid.” Eddie watches through his own tears as Buck’s shoulders shake with sobs.

“You’re such a good kid, buddy, you know that?” Buck is gleaming and though filled with tears, his eyes are full of love.

“Please don’t leave my side,” Buck’s plea is desperate but Eddie wants to laugh.

“Never.”

Buck never stops shaking the entire drive to the beach.

“A tsunami can travel at 500 miles an hour, a wall of water can travel at you full force until it hits.” He’s whispering so he can’t scare Christopher but it does nothing to help himself.

“Buck…”

“If a large magnitude earthquake hit Alaska, it could trigger a tsunami in California. An earthquake can happen 2,000 miles away and cause 700 million dollars worth of property damage, not to mention the death toll that would cause.”

Eddie tries to stop him another time, but only gets cut off by another fact about tsunamis.

“A smaller tsunami could be triggered by an offshore earthquake and we’d only have ten minutes to evacuate and that’s if we even knew we had to evacuate-”

“Evan, stop. You’re only freaking yourself out more, okay? It’s going to be okay whatever happens. I’m by your side, I have you, baby.”

Eddie feels like he’s in Heaven just watching Buck blush and look down at the pet name, but then the tiny smile drops and he looks away.

He’s quiet after that but Eddie can feel the car vibrate even after it’s turned off with the force of Buck’s shaking. “You ready?”

Buck’s eyes squeeze shut the second his eyes see the ocean. “As I’ll ever be.”

The grip Buck has on Eddie’s hand is bordering too tight but he’s walking on the sand and towards where everyone was set up, closer to the water, and he finds himself emotional that Buck has gotten this far.

“Just keep swimming, Bucky.” Christopher cheers on from next to Eddie. “Just like Dory.”

He’s almost certain he hears a whimper from Buck at the expression.

“Just like Dory.” Buck repeats.

The second they reach everyone, Buck spins to face Eddie and quickly pulls him into arms, seeking comfort. He wastes no time in returning the hug, cradles the back of Buck’s head in his hand and uses the other to rub his back.

“You made it, babe. You did so fucking good, I’m so proud of you.”

He knows their family is watching, he hears Maddie distantly explain that this is the first time he’s stepped foot on a beach in a year and a half. His only focus is telling his boyfriend how damned proud he is.

“I love you,” is muffled by Eddie’s shirt but he doesn’t need it to be comprehensible because he feels it loud and clear.

“Forever.”

The next time he really thinks of Buck’s obscure knowledge and his coping mechanism, it really comes in handy.

Eddie felt as though he was vibrating out of his own skin the entire shift. His hands were shaking by the time he finally got home. He finds Christopher asleep in Buck’s arms on the couch. The sight of his favorite people lessens the tightness in his chest in the slightest.

“Hey, how was work?” Buck whispers when he lays his eyes on him.

“Nothing too crazy happened, so I guess good.” He shrugs. “Thanks for watching him today, seriously.”

“You okay?” Buck shoots him a look when Eddie goes to lie. “Eds, your hands are shaking. What’s wrong?”

Eddie sighs. “I just feel… weird.”

“Let me get him to bed seeing as we both fell asleep here and then we can talk, okay? Sit down, take a breath.”

He tears up at the sight of Buck carrying Christopher to bed. He couldn’t believe he found someone that loved his son like their own and he couldn’t believe that person was Buck. His best friend.

“Talk to me, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“You seem to be in a good mood,” He tries to get the attention away from himself, even though he knows it’s pointless. After the lawsuit, before they even got together, they both promised to communicate better. They both definitely failed at that far more than they should have, but no one should have expected any less. They were trying, that’s all that mattered.

If they brought a call home with them, they talked it out.

“What can I say, your kid is a ray of sunshine.” He grins. “Nice try though, Eds. You didn’t let me get away with it last week and your shaking is kind of scaring me. Come sit.”

Buck has a way of doing things and saying things that even in Eddie’s worst moods, he still can’t fight his smile. Eddie lazily threw himself onto the couch next to Buck.

“What do you want me to even say? It’s not like I brought a call home with me. Nothing bad happened. I’m just, uh, in a mood.” He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Buck is cupping his face in his hand. The soft concern behind his blue eyes makes more tears build behind his own.

“Come here,” Buck whispers, guiding Eddie’s head down to where it’s laying just above his heart. “Anxiety?”

He doesn’t know why that word draws a reaction as strong as sobbing but Buck pointing out it’s not just a weird mood has him breathless and emotional.

Buck tightens his arms around him. “Hey, take a deep breath with me alright?”

He nods and takes in a breath just after Buck and to know that he can breathe is enough to calm some of his bubbling anxiety.

“You hear my heartbeat?” Buck is so unbelievably good at taking care of him when he feels this way. God, how did he get so lucky?

When Eddie nods he feels Buck’s chest rise just a little with quiet laughter. “Did you know you can hear a blue whale’s heartbeat from two miles away?”

Eddie laughs wetly. “Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah! And even though they’re the biggest animal that’s ever lived on Earth, blue whales feed on krill, they’re like tiny shrimp. They can eat up to 36,000 kilograms of krill a day. Lucky animals.”

This statement has a laugh erupting from him without time to muffle it, a smile spread from ear to ear as he looks up at his boyfriend.

“There he is!” He smiles down at him before he pecks his lips. “Anyone ever told you how dazzling your smile is, Diaz?”

“Dazzling?” He snorts.

“It’s one of the many words I would use to describe your smile. Dazzling, shiny, gleaming, beautiful, life ruining, you know.”

The anxiety is slowly leaving his body and it’s filling with love and warmth in its place. He snuggles closer in Buck’s arms and revels in the safety and comfort.

“You know? I never get to be the little spoon. This is nice.”

“Now you know how I feel in your arms.”

“Safe? Happy? Warm?”

Buck lips quiver with emotion. His eyes give away love, peace, light. “Yeah, exactly.”

It’s quiet for a few minutes before Eddie’s curiosity gets the better of him. “Hey, Buck?”

“Mm?”

“Can I ask you something? It’s not a big deal, but my curiosity is getting the better of me.” He continues when Buck hums his response. “The Wikipedia spirals? The random knowledge about blue whales, the evolution of cameras, winning us trivia night at Frisco’s like it’s nothing every week with answers to questions Bobby didn’t even know. You just have a lot of knowledge in that smart brain of yours. Something I adore about you, don’t worry.”

He feels Buck let out a sigh before he snuggles Eddie closer to him, resting his head on top of Eddie’s.

“It’s just a thing, I guess. Random facts always, uh ground me, when you know-”

“I know.” He assures him.

“Yeah. It’s always been something to cope with anxiety, but it’s also just something that I just do. I like to learn, I like to read about things I didn’t know about before. I like learning for the sake of learning, I guess?”

“You’re so smart, you know? Don’t let anyone make you think differently.”

“You’re so much better than I deserve, please let anyone make you think differently.”

“Does anyone include you? Because babe? You’re so much better than I deserve but there’s no time for an argument right now.”

Buck yawns loudly. “Says who?”

“Says your sleep schedule. Close your eyes, use me as a pillow, I don’t care. Go to sleep.”

“Will you be here when I wake up?”

“Not like I have a choice here, seeing as you’re holding onto me for dear life, but I’ll always be here when you wake up. Now, and every day in the future, okay? Now sleep.”

Buck snorts and mumbles sleepily, “Love you, Eds.”

Jesus, Eddie really wants to marry him.

“I love you, too, Evan.”

To Hen;

Help me propose to Buck? I need a bunch of Wikipedia knowledge on proposals, marriage, all that good and sappy stuff. I’d ask the Wikipedia king himself, but you know…

From Hen;

WHATYSHDDJKSKJAHDKJDSKFKLK:LDK:K:DKSLDKEIWDJJSKDSKDKSJKDJSJDS

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #buddie fic #soft eddie #my writing #i love eddie diaz #my fics

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