#because i'm bad with social cues. i miss them a lot or i misinterpret them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anonymousandsick · 2 months

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List of things that I've done as someone with depression, general and social anxiety, and autism (TW for basically everything):

-Stalked my friends social media accounts to see who they were being tagged by and how often they hung out without me or were online without answering

-Bought and made a lot of different things for people because I thought they were going to leave me

-Missed a lot of work and school due to severe nausea, headaches, and lack of motivation

-Sometimes take hot/freezing showers that are painful

-Gave myself several piercings as a form of socially acceptable self harm (this is not automatically self harm, but that was my intention when doing it)

-Worked on something I was hyperfixated on until I threw up from hunger

-Used to not brush my hair for months and just wear it up and cry when I had to eventually brush it (when I was a child and had long hair)

-Cried or yelled while trying on uncomfortable clothes

-Went about two months without showering

-Went about two months without changing clothes

-Didn't eat anything but snacks for over a week several different times because I didn't have the energy to make anything

-Didn't eat anything for days because I felt so sick

-Threw up from anxiety several times

-Didn't leave the house for months and stayed in my room unless I had to go to the bathroom or grab food to take back with me

-Had several visible panic attacks in public

-Went (actually) nonverbal at several places like arcades and other loud places

-Dissociate at most public places (I remember things but everything gets fuzzy and it's hard to describe)

-Hit myself in the head because of Emotions (didn't matter if they were positive or negative)

-Laughed at very inappropriate times- especially when something was upsetting

-Started arguments because I didn't understand that the person wasn't being serious/misinterpreted tone

-Got people mad at me for talking about the same things too much

-Spent way too much money on things I liked multiple times

-Sleep either all day or not at all

-Had trash pile up in my room

-Got ants from this

-Almost cry any time I do something wrong or get criticized

-Haven't learned how to drive

-Cried and hit myself out of frustration over sensory issues and also over losing something I really cared about for five minutes

-Never try anything new

-Insanely picky

-Pick at my skin all the time

-Would probably be described by people as childish and immature even though I used to be considered mature for my age as a child

-Permanent burnout and art block

-Have gone weeks without shaving my face even though it looks really bad

-Talk too loud or quiet a lot of the time

-Used to be very bad at being discreet and masking

-Thinking about the way I used to act and all the cues I missed and different things I misinterpreted makes me feel sick and now I constantly think about it and what I'm supposed to be behaving like

-I still don't understand most social rules

-I can't make any decisions and it has ruined my life

-Memory has gotten very bad

-Got confused about whether something was a thought, dream, memory, or recent event a concerning amount of times

-Frequently lose track of time, sequence of events, and relativety of things

-Can't talk whenever I think about telling someone that something's wrong

-Feel incapable of sharing or expressing certain feelings and thoughts

-Frequently feel like I can't talk and only make humming noises in response to things

-Procrastinate most things regardless of whether I want to do them or not

-Constantly think about what other people are thinking and avoid being perceived while also being depressed that I'll never amount to anything and I'll die a nobody

-Ran out of clean underwear and flipped them inside out because I couldn't get myself to do laundry

-Watched a TV show I was hyperfixated on until my ears started ringing and I felt like I was going to pass out from not sleeping

-Didn't brush my teeth until they became uncomfortable (somehow didn't get a cavity??)

-Purposefully sought out sensory things that are painful to me as a form of self harm

-Get tunnel vision any time someone I don't know talks to me or when expected to do something (answer a question, do a task, whatever)

-Had sensory issues completely ruin multiple different experiences that would've otherwise been great

-Constantly experience such bad chest pain and anxiety that it feels like a heart condition

-Get frequent pain in my jaw, shoulders, and back from tensing

-Sought out validation from the wrong people/doing the wrong things multiple times

-Lied to people to get out of doing things or going places

-Made jokes that went too far/hurt people's feelings without realizing until much later

-Have a hard time apologizing to people (this is something that I NEED to work on, I understand)

-Used to literally hide in my closet

-I have trauma dumped on people without thinking about the consequences or how it would affect them

-I have had one-sided conversations where I overtook, talking about my hyperfixations and not realizing that I wasn't letting them talk

-I have reached out to people after months of ghosting them due to guilt, not realizing that doing so would actually just make it worse for them

-Got told multiple times that I'm rude and sound like a robot and still don't understand how

-Didn't go to college even though it's what I've always wanted to do

-Cried out of frustration for people not understanding me multiple times

-Overshared with multiple people because I didn't understand boundaries or appropriate topics until way later than most people (I still get it wrong sometimes)

-Spend most of my time being unproductive and just consuming whatever content I am hyperfixated on, fantasizing about being a part of it, etc.

-Lost my job

-Ghosted my therapist

-Almost threw up washing dishes

-Didn't change my sheets for six months

-Didn't do any laundry besides underwear for almost a year

-Ran out of room for anything because I collected too many things

-Cried in public multiple times

-Ruined multiple different relationships by not communicating enough

-Basically ghosted multiple people

-Broke up with several people after severe depressive episodes and not communicating or reciprocating any affection (not an excuse)

-Acted "weird" in a way that annoyed people, got me bullied, and made them dislike me

-Looked through different things on the Internet to make myself feel bad (stuff about death, mental illness, bigotry, etc)

-Had imaginary friends when I was younger whose sole purpose was to ridicule me and make me feel bad about myself

-Had imaginary friends who were just characters from things that I liked and I had a lot of conversations with them when I was past the age that people usually do that

-Avoided my friends for weeks and sat alone at school

-Made a lot of concerning jokes that I regret making because it just made people feel bad

-Clung to multiple different friendships that weren't good for me because I didn't have any other friends

-Missed when people I knew were being fake friendly and was called the gullible friend

-Gave up on most things that I wanted to do

-Gave up on anything I wasn't immediately good at

-Missed most opportunities in my life

-Became full of regret and gave up on life as a teenager

-Was terrified of becoming homeless due to an inability to work and keep a job by the time I was in high school

-Was terrified of living through different life transitions by the time I was in middle school to the point where I hoped I'd die before they happened

-Thought I was going insane multiple times

-Became restless for no reason and felt like I was going to explode but had no way of making it go away

-Thought I needed to go to a mental hospital multiple times

-Thought about doing drugs and drinking frequently

-Fantasized about different ways to die

-Made myself throw up a few times

-Gave myself bruises

-Almost broke a bone by hitting it repeatedly (including one time when I had to use crutches)

-Gave myself hundreds of scars in several different places

-Painted with my blood because I thought it was funny in a very morbid and fucked up way

-Tried to kill myself multiple different times

Before you comment something stupid like "ew doing x is gross/bad" just know that I am aware and that is kind of the point of the post.

#mental illness #autism #anxiety #depression #trigger warning

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riverleyk · 2 years

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Harold is an Adhd-King, A dissection of NeuroDivergency in Harold from TD.

The reason why Harold has ADHD and not autism is because Harold does not show many or enough autistic traits. For example, Harold doesn't struggle socially. He understands and communicates well, he bonds with people easily. Yes, he's weird and mocked for it, but he is weird knowingly and simply does not care. He doesn't like Duncan, so of course he's rude to him, but he doesn't misinterpret other characters, or miss social cues. So we can at least confirm that Harold is allistic, but what confirms he has ADHD? For one, Harold is shown to have many 'skills' in a variety of weird, nitch and nerdy topics. Some include: beat boxing, karate, lock picking, knot tying, dancing, playing solitaire/chess, liking wizards, etc... Look at that list of shit. Almost nothing is in common. Harold seemingly jumps from hobby to hobby, gets extremely into them, then moves onto the next thing once he's learned all about it. This is extremely common behaviour with ADHD monarchs, and it's called a hyper fixation. But that's just one trait, what about the rest? Other symptoms include ( and examples of Harold doing these): - Stimming (harold does flappy hands a lot) - impulsivity (Harold's revenge on Duncan and other weird plans) - being easily distracted (All TD characters have this trait) - excessive talking (info dumping about his hyper fixation and bragging) - Attention seeking (He's on a fucking game show, and he brags a lot/shows off his mad skills) here's traits he doesn't have but I think could have irl: -constantly fidgeting (the animation budget was too low) - being unable to sit still, especially in calm or quiet surrounding (when do the challenges allow for this?) Another thing is the challenges are very ADHD friendly. they are stimulating, have an immediately goal and gratification (aka winning or losing) and don't require that much stillness. Now of course, theres a lot of holes in my theory, but I just want to break a stereotype real quick. Harold is a nerd, and smart. therefor he can't have adhd. This is stupid, of course people with adhd can do well in school. I do well in school and I have adhd. but Harold... if never stated to do well in school or academically at all. He excels in his mad skills and hyper fixations but what about math and science? or English? He does karate, so his gym grades wouldnt be that bad and he's at least in shape. but Harold is never mentioned to have any academic accomplishments. Maybe like a spelling bee, but he usually has awards for the weirdest shit: Like scouts, the know tying, karate, etc etc. It's not school, it's activities that are just random. Harold is only seen as a nerd because of his appearance, but when you think of it, most of the shit he likes are physical activities and even sports. on any other TD character, the trait of 'liking karate' wouldn't be seen as a nerdy thing. it would be seen as a sport. With all the hobbies Harold has, it's weird that he's a nerdy archetype. Wouldn't the mix of character, lock picking snd knot tying bend itself better towards... a ninja character? and that's my final point. All of Harold's special interest somehow relate to ninjas in some way. He knows each weird little thing because he likes ninjas, thus he must learn all this random crap. it's his special interest... which is an autism thing, however, adhd people have this too. My special interest is art. all my hyper fixations, my jumping to hobby from hobby is an extension of art. cartoons are composed of art and drawings, thus I hyper fixate on all cartoons, animation, my favorite show, art styles, etc. But I also like fashion, because fashion takes art. I like sewing, painting, video editing etc etc. I've dont it all, because it's all art. However, music is not a hyper focus of mine. because its not the kind of art I'm focused on. So Harold has his ninja thing, which in the show, he's shown to like a lot, theres even been moments where he dresses or becomes one at some point. His weapon of choice is even nun chucks. Anyways yeah, Harold is an ADHD ninja or

whatever. I kin him, I've never seen a man more relatable in my life. Please comment on this post, I'm losing my mind writing essays on TD.

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