#because for what. at least the ted thing had a motive. he literally just decided 'i'm gonna be a dick to colin'

[littledoggy-girlcollar]

sorry no matter what happens i’m literally never forgiving nate for what he said to colin. bc what the fuck.

#ted lasso #colin hughes #colin ted lasso #nate ted lasso #i am literally so sorry to my regular followers for this but god. i watched the whole show in four days and i am mad at nate. god. #goes without saying i am also not forgiving him for leaking ted's panic attacks but honestly. the colin thing grinds my gears more #because for what. at least the ted thing had a motive. he literally just decided 'i'm gonna be a dick to colin' #in the midst of becoming a dick to everyone else. he had been bullying will since he got there #and to me there is nothing worse than a character getting a little bit of power and then immediately turning their old torment on others #yes i understand that this arc actually makes nate a well written interesting character but i fucking hate him and will continue to hiss #every single time he is on my screen. thank you good night

[missnight0wl]

So, about Victor…

All right, here’s my two cents.

First of all, I don’t like the guy. Sorry not sorry. I mean, his design is dope, but the rest? Eh… But that being said, I’m pretty sure I figured out what’s Jam City’s plan for him, and it actually has a lot to do with his design – or rather its change. It might make him a bit more likeable as well, in my opinion.

Also, @carewyncromwell​ made a super informative post on how vampires are viewed in the wizarding world, so I recommend checking it out. 

But without further ado, let’s discuss Victor Ketsueki.

So, first things first: what the hell, Jam City? You can’t put two names in the game files – Kitsueki and Ketsueki – and then simply choose the second one, when I already have a tag for the first one. That’s just rude! Seriously, smh…

Poor jokes aside though. Ever since Victor reappeared in datamine, I keep wondering about one thing. Namely, why Jam City decided to change his design? If you don’t know, Victor was actually found in the game files even before Y5 was released. This is a comparison of his old and new models:

Interestingly, his facial features are exactly the same, for example. Mind you, this is the model which was already in the game – it’s not simply the case of the creators exploring various possibilities. To me, it also means that they had to have already the story connected to him. Otherwise, why would they bother with the whole model already?

So, why did they change it? Because you can’t tell me that the guy on the left could have the same personality as Victor we’ve seen in the game so far. I’m not gonna insist that he’d be a shy nerd and whatnot… but I just can’t see him being as self-assured as the right version. But the more I thought about it, the more confident I feel with saying that Jam City didn’t simply scratch Victor’s old version – at least not entirely. Especially when we take into account what Corey said about Victor before his change:

Also, can I just say that it’s a bit annoying how this chapter apparently forgot that Corey themselves is allegedly quite popular, too? I know that they’re probably not as popular as Victor, but still. They suddenly presented it as Corey is some outcast barely anyone cares about…

Back to the main topic, though. If you ask me, Victor before his change sounds kind of like his old model looks. I mean, he was quite literally invisible – by not being present in the game. And to be honest, I can totally accept a headcanon that he was present yet invisible: reading a book somewhere in the corner, maybe playing chess with Talbott. So… where I’m going with this?

I believe that Victor before his change WAS his old model. Perhaps, Jam City even had some story for him in that form, and he was supposed to change later. Perhaps he wasn’t supposed to change at all, and it’s a totally new addition. Either way, I can see two explanations as to why becoming a vampire changed him in the way we’ve seen:

Victor decided that if he’s ever gonna stop being shy and insecure, it’s NOW. He just saw becoming a vampire as an opportunity, or rather a motivation. You know, something like: “New life form, new me”.

Victor thought that he HAS TO become that edgy overconfident boy to avoid rejection from society.

Personally, I like the second option more, and I believe it also makes more sense. Because as it was pointed out in the post I linked at the beginning, being a vampire isn’t exactly something you’d want to brag about, even in the wizarding world.

HOWEVER…

If you look closely at that short scene from Y7Ch16, Victor didn’t become popular because he became a vampire. He became popular because he literally became a cool guy.

Penny was gushing over his amazing time in Paris. Andre was in awe about how damn handsome Victor is. Victor himself talked about adventures, parties, dancing with Veelas the whole night… The only person who mentioned being a vampire was Ismelda, and let’s be real… it’s Ismelda. Of course she’d think being a vampire is cool.

You see, the thing is that confidence can sell a lot. And Victor apparently figured it out. Imagine that his old self was a vampire. It’s possible that as a shy kid he was already bullied, and now, let’s put vampirism on top of that. Imagine those gossips. Why is he so shy, why is he so quiet? What is he hiding? We know he’s a vampire, so what else is he hiding? Did he hurt anyone? Did he kill anyone? Victor anticipated all those speculations by simply distracting everyone with his coolness. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he made up the stories about his summer adventures for that reason.

That being said, I suspect that Victor doesn’t really feel comfortable in this new situation. Not only his life changed drastically by becoming literally a different being, but also he has to pretend to be someone he’s not. And I guess that’s where MC will play a role. You know, helping him adjust to everything.

I mean, there’s definitely gonna be something behind his sudden confidence. It’s also both interesting and a bit weird that Corey said that Victor can be “mean” because from what we’ve seen… he didn’t seem particularly mean. Arrogant, yes, but that’s not exactly the same as mean. Anyway, we know how Jam City loves the story of “being mean as a way to hide own insecurities”. Sometimes they execute it pretty well (see: Ismelda), sometimes very poorly (see: Merula). Hopefully, Victor will belong to the first category.

So yeah, that’s it! Thank you for coming to my TED talk! I honestly doubt that we’ll see Victor’s old model in the game, but I’d love to see more of his old personality.

#long post #hogwarts mystery #hphm #hphm spoilers #victor ketsueki #about characters

[organic-guacamole]

showtime

episode 211 let's go

ok first of all, this is the second to last episode guys... I don't even wanna think about how much pain I'll be in after next week's episode

mr mazzara doing the recap-

this is so weird to me and I don't know why

WHY DIDN'T YALL JUST ASK BENJAMIN FOR HELP, THATS LITERALLY HIS THING

is Nini giving out the cards a callback to season 1 when Natalie Bagley said that Nini gave her a card or something on opening night of another musical?

STEPHY AS THE ENCHANTRESS OMG YES

Ricky in the crown gives me Harry styles in that photoshoot vibes

he's so pretty.

ok but why did we never see Ricky and Ashlyn interact before? it's been like 5 seconds and I already love how they bounce off each other and it's just so natural

OH THEY REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY UNDERSTUDIES-

well that explains a lot...

so Ricky fell on top of Ashlyn and all that broke for both of them was their wrist-

insert Jake Peralta *coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool no doubt no doubt no doubt*

of course howie was amazing as the beast, were we expecting anything less??

Ricky is so beautiful and I will not shut up about it....

let me enjoy this before the makeup crew slaps mud on his face.

Nini and Ricky talking to eachother? in a civil manner? wasn't she avoiding him just in the last episode? hm ok

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY CANT EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS JUST LIKE ME HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS, WHATS NEXT? THEY CUT EVERYONE OFF CUZ THEY CANT HANDLE EMOTIONS? ...ha

yes Kaden and Rico, my favourite east high boys 🥰

I mean....where's EJ?

THERE HE IS

EJ AND GINA IN THE BACKGROUND... doing something idek

KOURTNEY'S MOM IS BACK YAY

Howie is a shining star, ofc ofc

the smallest fOrk

can't wait to see the fork burst into song about how she deserves more than to be used to eat salad😌

the duster and the bluster.... ok😃

hi Gina!

hi- oh wow I didn't know Robbie Rotten was in this show!!!!!

the portwell look.

that my friends, is a married couple's look✋

GOSH EJ WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

aww Gina's so excited for this

D word?

Die?

Delicious?

Dom Toretto?

"good, clean fun all alone with someone I dig...a lot"

sir that does not sound very clean to me

SEBLOS

Seb looks so cute standing there next to pope Carlos

DID THEYEY REALLY LIGHT ANTOINE ON FIRE-

I NEED TO SEE THAT

Seb's reading Carlos better than big red read the script in episode 102, this is great development after the "fight"

Kourtney really just made the best outfit for herself and let the rest of them suffer

the way Gina immediately goes to hold on to EJ after the announcement

"tonight we're going to put the U in UTAH"

...

"hey where are you from?"

"TAH"

SEB'S SINGULAR CLAP KILLED ME-

he's officially salt lake city's resident thanos

just wity clapping because for some reason I have a feeling he doesn't know how to snap his fingers...don't ask why

Ms Jenn do you mind encouraging your leads before the show? idk just an idea

pepto bismol product placement smhsmh

those flowers are bigger that big red himself-

*bops along to the opening theme*

that whistle at the end slaps everytime

WHY IS THE AUDIENCE SO MASSIVE

I guess they're all here to see Ms Jenn go on as a fork after Nini decides to *go her own way*

wow i am so funny

so they couldn't do many group scenes cuz of covid, but this 300 person crowd is cool? nice

OO THE VIOLIN GIRL FROM EPISODE 6 IS IN THE ORCHESTRA

HOWIEEEEEE

"Mr Caswell", he said, in the loudest voice possible while backstage at a show that's about to start.

Mazzara what are you trying to pull-

I usually like Benjamin but I don't like his tone

"iS yOuR wHoLe FaMiLy HeRe?" LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW THATS A SOFT SPOT FOR EJ

"we've had some good conversations these past few weeks"

right so what's going to happen after you graduate?

what does he think of you not going to Duke?

what did he say about you giving the sweatshirt that's been in the family for 3 generations to a girl you're not even dating?

good old Mr. M

therapist Mr. Mazzara, they all need it.

start with Ricky though.

"Michael Bowen"

dude why did you shave, now you look less like "hot lumberjack" and more "creep at the gas station"

OH-

does she not like Mike anymore?

why does it sound like jennzzara started dating and now they just sit back and talk smack about everyone in their freetime

break the fourth wall-

uhhhh im scared

why am I scared

he's scary

hehe flowers for Ricky, obviously for Ricky, ObViOuSLY

oh boy poor Michael

this man is in love, rip

why does Ms Jenn always look at people with her eyes open so wide

LILYYYY

I'm only excited because I really like the idea of lily and Ricky being friends, nothing more.

ha this guy's got jokes

a MOAT AROUND THE SCHOOL

wheeze

also he's very pretty.

"the wolves and very talented humans"

how dare he forget to mention the very talented wolves and normal humans, smh erasure

"being nice, what a concept" ted talk by Lily who still doesn't have a last name

did she just say lol out loud

same with the hug emoji last episode-

go touch some grass babes

the way he didn't say no, but said he didn't know how the east high kids would react-

not saying he does want to date her but that's an interesting thing to think about, also another thing to write an essay analysis on just to leave it in my drafts for a few months

awww lily genuinely trying to help him

sorry guys, I've been taken by the Lily charm (didn't know it existed until now but oh well)

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I'LL NEVER SHIP PORTWELL?

just look at me now

the Lily wink I can't she's so cute-

HELP ME I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY LIL-

David Attenborough?

oh nvm it's Benjamin narrating the show in a really weird British accent for some reason.

STEPHY GOT MORE LINES YAY GOOD FOR HER

also is this to show that Nini doesn't care about being the star of the show anymore? the way she's supporting everyone else even though she's a fork?

I would pay for a special of the full musical ngl

OOO THE TRANSFORMATION WAS SMOOTH

shockingly

yo where did the makeup come from

man I wish I was a theatre kid

THIS IS STEPHY'S EPISODE NOW IDC✋

my girl is starring

"needs an X-factor"

Simon Cowbell creeps in

"it's a yes from me"

and them boom, he takes Nini and mistreats her horribly and then she comes back to theatre after deciding music isn't for her👍

"I thought she just hog-tied him?"

don't ask sebby, it's better if you don't know.

imagine they spotlight the wrong person and this dude is just some random person that likes writing down stuff during shows.

Ms Jenn just let them do what they rehearsed (at some point we never saw) or else this is gonna end horribly wrong

"help"

same Carlos, same

I love how seb is just his translator rn

I thought he said "great displeasure" instead of "greatest pleasure"....help?

big red coming out from throwing up to see his girlfriend star is the cutest thing in this show.

Ash and Gina dancing is so fun

I'm imagining them practicing at night at their home, watching the movie for the 100th time and making sure their one dance together is perfect

KOURTNEY YES

HOWIE IS IN LOVE AHHHH

I LOVE HOWIE SO MUCH

SEBBY

THIS SCENE HAS SO MUCH GOING ON I CAN'T KEEP UP

THIS IS SO GOOD

HOW???

no because I'm actually crying

I'm dead serious.

we need this musical released as a special

big red is so proud and I love to see it

Natalie: "if you do not by at least 20 dollars in concessions, you do not support art"

rando in the audience: "but I pay for ad free Spotify"

Mr Mazzara clapping in the distance

Gigi, the guy you like is talking to you, complimenting you and hyping you up

YOU LUCKY LITTLE FEATHER DUSTER

aw EJ teasing her about the chocolates in a way that doesn't make her feel bad? take notes Richard

JORDAN FISHER

there is no rest of the show idc Jordan is it for me

THE WIG CAP ON RICKY OMG

they look like they're high and having "deep" conversations on the floor

THE MEAN GIRL WITH THE EYES-

@sunshine-julie-molina YOU HEAR THAT

Natalie really just be coming for them all

Howie what is happening rn

I'm scared

"did you enjoy it"

"very much"

dude wants a kiss so bad

ASHLYN OMG

NO DON'T DO IT BECAUSE OF LILY, PUT YOUR OWN TWIST ON IT

I want a Jordan autograph please

just keep swim- oh pushing...

Gina is literally a giant next to him and I live for it

am I about to cry for the 3rd time in this episode?

yes.

Ricky's leg kicks under the table makes me so happy aw

the portwell glances will kill me.

ah yes, mashed potato snow

Mr. M.... I'm not a theatre kid but even I know you can't have your phone on backstage.

Howie please just do it

CHIP'S BIG LINE I CANT

I LITERALLY HAD TO PAUSE IT AMD SCREAM INTO MY MASK FOR A SOLID 2 MINUTES (I'm not at home rn) HES SO CUTE

oh ok bye Jordan

oo tea

NOT HIM BEING STARSTRUCK BECAUSE HE'S MEETING HIS FUTURE BROTHER IN LAW-

"we're all just glad Gigi has a big brother figure in her life"

excuse me for a few thousand hours while I laugh hysterically

THE CAMERA ZOOM ON EJS FACE AND EVERYTHING-

STOP EJ LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA CRY BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WITH THE STAGE MAKE-UP

someone else said this already but I think it's hilarious that they had to bring in 2 guest characters to create some portwell angst

omg this really is Cici's episode, found family is their thing

elevator music lol

I'm gonna bet that big red took the harness for his surprise for Ashlyn without realising what it was

did Ms. Jenn just....tell her most mentally unstable student....to commit suicide....on a disney show...was that....I'm very....well....what the actual-

oh and there she goes running off instead of trying to make it right

oh wow Nini's the hero, she's gonna save the show 🤩

😐

the judge is doing a sudoku

honestly if I went to the hsm show as well, I'd come prepared for this one too

Lily why are you looking like that-

I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE YOU DON'T MESS THIS UP

wow ok, there goes that.

omg

what if Howie was acting weird because he knew what Lily did and wanted to tell Kourtbut Lily threatened him so he was scared to-

anyways see y'all clowns next week when we all simultaneously lose all motivation for the week without Fridays to look forward to.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #gina porter #ricky bowen #nini salazar roberts #seb mathew smith #carlos rodriguez #big red #ashlyn caswell #kourtney greene #howie my pizza king #lily hsmtmts

[edettethegreat]

Review of Romeo X Juliet (the anime adaption of Romeo and Juliet, VERY loosely based off of the original play)

Well I think it’s gonna be kinda long, so I’m gonna put a cut right here.

OK.

What it got right/ what was in there that was in the actual play:

Romeo and Juliet are from two opposing families (Montague and Capulet). They fall in love with each other. There are some other characters who also exist.  

What was in there that was NOT in the actual play:

Literally everything and anything else. This is not an exaggeration in the least bit. Juliet grows wings at some point. And maybe turns into an actual tree.

So. What’s Romeo X Juliet about?

The basic Premise:

Montague (not the whole family- just Romeo’s father) is the main antagonist. He kills out the entire Capulet family when Juliet is a child, but somehow Juliet is rescued. Juliet spends the next like 13-14 year of her life pretending to be a boy by the name of Odin to hide from Montague, and also does vigilante work, because life isn’t so good under Montague’s rule. Oh yeah, Montague’s like. The king or something. 

There are also characters from other Shakespeare plays there. And Shakespeare himself is a character. 

The Characters:

Characters who aren’t from Romeo and Juliet (but are from other Shakespeare plays):

Shakespeare himself- he’s literally just Shakespeare himself. Just chilling, watching the whole plot go down. 

Emilia- an actress in Shakespeare’s acting troupe

Regan- a servant girl working for Shakespeare’s mother’S family.

Cordelia- I think she’s like. A servant to the Capulet family? Who got away with Juliet when Montague killed them off? Anyway she’s Plot relevant. She marries Benvolio.

Ophelia- oh boy. Where do I even start. OK you know what? I’ll get to this when I get up to Escalus. Just. Scroll to where I talk about Escalus.

Petruchio- he’s pretty irrelevant- he only exists for one episode, and then he dies a tragic death

Hermione- the girl Romeo’s engaged to. 

Characters that are actually from Romeo and Juliet: 

(In the order of easiest to explain to hardest to explain)

Juliet- Ok. She’s the main character. She does vigilante work until she can’t anymore. 

Romeo- literally just Romeo. Exactly what you’d expect from Romeo. He doesn’t do anything mind blowing. I mean, he does try to kill Montague, but everyone tries to kill Montague because he’s basically a dictator.

Lady Montague- I think she went off to become a nun or something, because she didn’t like that her husband was basically a dictator who goes around murdering people. She’s nice. I liked her.

Benvolio- not the brightest guy. Really. He and his family gets exiled because his father disagreed with something Montague said. Ends up marrying Cordelia.

Mercutio- one of the antagonists, but literally the worst one. He decides to betray Romeo and join Team Antagonists because I think he wanted power or something? It wasn’t entirely clear. He then betrays his father to Montague, and Montague kills his father. Then Montague tells him that he’s totally better than Romeo and he could totally replace him as Montague’s son. So you’re probably thinking “hey that sounds a lot like that one part of Edmund’s arc”- BUT IT’S NOT- Mercutio is about 0% dedicated to any of this and is a huge coward. Then he tries to kill Romeo. That doesn’t work out. Then he kills Montague and goes mad. I don’t know why he does any of this. I don’t think he himself knows why he does any of this. Also he’s *really* annoying. (Literally just go watch it- you’ll see- he’s *so* annoying.)

Montague- OK SO. This fellow here has actually a tragic backstory that motivates his evilness. Listen to this wild ride of of a story: So. Capulet (not Juliet’s father- her grandfather or great grandfather or someone else related but not her father) had a affair with some lower class lady, and MONTAGUE WAS THE RESULT. YES. THAT’S RIGHT. I HAVE ANOTHER TRAGIC SAD LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE BASTARD TO ADD TO MY COLLECTION. Anyway. Montague just wanted to kill out the whole Capulet family as revenge. Sounds fair enough. So he gets adopted or something by the Montague family, kills out the people ahead of his until he’s the heir (I think?), and then goes on a killing spree with the Capulet family. Then he becomes. Like. An evil dictator. That lowers his coolness by a large percentage. He was pretty neat before, but I’m not so pro-evil dictators. 

Tybalt- HOLD ON. IF YOU THOUGHT MONTAGUE’S STORY WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY BUT GREAT NONETHELESS, THEN BEHOLD THE STORY HERE.  Ok so. He’s introduced when he suddenly appears out of nowhere being super mysterious. Juliet was doing some vigilante work, and it looked like she was about to get caught, and he swoops in and saves the day. And Juliet’s all like “who on earth are you?” And he basically says “the name’s Tybalt- I’m loyal to the Capulet family- that’s all you gotta know”. (He might also tell her that he’s her cousin- idk). Anyway. He spends most of the time being mysterious and kinda emo, and hating Montague. Until his tragic backstory is revealed. BASICALLY. You know how I mentioned Montague was climbing the rankings in the Montague family? So at that time, the Montagues and Capulets weren’t really enemies or anything. So they hung out. And while climbing the ranks, he ended up courting a Capulet- Juliet’s mom’s sister. THAT’S RIGHT. TYBALT IS THE SON OF MONTAGUE AND A CAPULET. ANOTHER BOTH LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE BASTARD. I HAD NO IDEA THERE WOULD BE ONE, LET ALONE TWO. YOU ALL KNOW THAT’S MY FAVORITE TYPE OF CHARACTER. 

Me, when the Montague and Tybalt reveals happened:

And onto the absolute craziest change made to any character ever-

Escalus- He’s. He’s a tree. A physical tree. I’m not even kidding. I wish I was. He’s a physical magical tree, that magically sustains the world. Ophelia (remeber I said I’ll explain her when I explain Escalus?) is the magical guardian of this magical tree. The tree is sustained by the women of the Capulet family occasionally sacrificing themselves to merge with the tree or something? Towards the end of the show the world starts literally collapsing around everyone, and Ophelia is like “hey Juliet the only way to save the world is for you to sacrifice yourself and come merge with the tree. If not the everyone will literally die.”

And Juliet’s like “yeah sounds fair”. But Romeo’s like “NO! I love you! You will not merge with a tree!” 

And Ophelia’s like “um. Literally everyone will die if she doesn’t.” And Romeo’s like “But at least we’ll die together!!”. So Ophelia and Romeo fight each other and they both kill each other. Then Juliet’s like “welp since romeo’s already dead, i may as well die too.” And (I think??) merges with the tree? Also she grows wings. Anyway. That’s that. That’s the show. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

OTHER THINGS- Mainly about Tybalt because I love him (more specifically- I love emo vigilante Tybalt, but the play version of angry rich boy Tybalt)

-When Romeo finds out that Tybalt is kinda his brother, he’s like “oh cool! You’re my brother now!” And Tybalt is like “huh. Yeah, I guess you’re right”- and from there onward they are 100% committed to being brothers. 

-There’s this one scene where Tybalt, Romeo, and Juliet all simultaneously decide “yup Im gonna go kill Motague. I have the biggest right to kill him. He’s for me to kill”. So Tybalt gets there first and is like “PLOT TWIST I’M YOUR SON!” And draws his sword. Then Romeo enters and is like “YOUR REIGN OF TYRANNY IS OVER!” And draws his sword. And then Juliet comes in and is like “I AM JULIET OF THE HOUSE OF CAPULET!”. And then Juliet decides not to kill him, because Mercy (TM). And then Mercutio comes in and stabs him, because (here’s a bit of the plot I forgot to mention) Montague sent him to hold off the rebellion (The Capulet’s team+ most of the citizens), and Mercutio epically failed. So he was like “the citizens will kill me if I go to them. And Montague will kill me if I go to him. Welp. I guess I have to kill him.” Then Mercutio goes mad. Because why not.

-Benvolio and Mercutio have literally nothing to do with each other. I don’t think they ever even speak. What 

-everyone rides around on these dragons with wings called Dragon Steeds.

-Also instead of it taking place in Verona, it takes place in Neo-Verona. A floating city miles above ground. 

-I think that’s it

#romeo and juliet #Romeo X Juliet #shakespeare #Anyone who isn’t familiar with my regular content is gonna be very confused with my reaction to Montague and Tybalt #So to the random dude scrolling through the Romeo and Juliet tag: #this whole account is just me talking about Benedetto from tcomc and Edmund from King Lear #that’s the context

[treeni]

Sanders Sides Orange Side Predictions

Theories Masterpost

If you haven’t read @averykedavra‘s post on the idea then you absolutely should. It is extremely well thought out and considers a lot of possibilities about the Orange side, even though there are some specific thoughts that I personally disagree with, it is absolutely worth reading through.

First, I want to say I agree with them pointing out @dragonsaphirareads character Otto, aka “Obsession” as being a brilliant take on what the Orange character could be from a conceptual basis. I also think @candied-peach / Peachsneaker’s character Wrath is another brilliant take on the opposite side of the spectrum of the potential of what the orange side could be. Honestly, if you haven’t, you should check out these two creators' works immediately as they are both completely fantastic writers and have a lot of great Sanders Sides stories, both with and without romance.

My only gripe is that I think both characters are too inherently good in their depictions. Personally, I think both authors are right, to a point. I think the Orange character would be someone who cares too much and takes things too far. What’s interesting about DragonSapphiraRead’s character, is that he was once Passion and gave up parts of himself to the others. It’s interesting, but I personally don’t think that’s how it’s going to go.

Instead I think Passion is exactly the trait that the darkside character is going to embody and this is where I most agree with averykedavra’s take. I think the Orange side is going to come in as someone who appears “good,” “right,” and even “helpful” at first glance, and yet, you gradually start to realize the problems further on. 

If you look at the progression of the darksides so far, you may notice that  they have followed the rule of three in establishing a pattern. Virgil showed up and scared the others until his point got across until he was listened to, so really was it any surprise when both Janus and Remus immediately did the same upon their introductions? Given the divide, it took time and understanding to start being open to the good that Virgil brings. Janus has only just started to really prove to Thomas that he is well intentioned and Remus hasn’t even begun that part of the journey yet. However, you can see the three characters all in various states of the pattern that Virgil set. Virgil is at acceptance, Janus is at tolerance (or at least close to it) and Remus is still at distrust, but past the introduction and initial scare.Their actions have all followed the rule of three behavior that establishes a pattern for the audience to recognize. We inherently know Janus and Remus as being on the same “track” as Virgil was on a subconscious level.

Which is why I think the Orange side will absolutely destroy that expectation by diverting from that path and all current expectations of darksides. After a pattern of accepting the darksides, I think they will decide to immediately give the Orange side a chance because by then they will also have multiple examples of their shortsightedness about the darksides potential in helping Thomas.

 I also think Orange will absolutely come in and appear good at first glance. This will probably happen after Janus is really, truly accepted by the other sides and Remus is at least on his way to being accepted. I also really liked averykedavra’s idea that the orange side gives his name immediately, but I disagree on the idea that he can hide his role. The roles are something that others have been shown to bring up to the group and be generally aware of. No side has had to introduce their role as far as I can remember.

However I actually think of this as further evidence for the side having the role of Passion instead of Wrath or Obsession. Because Passion seems good at baseline and is absolutely good if controlled. However, Passion also encapsulates things like Wrath, Obsession, Procrastination, and Spite.

Imagine if you will, a side that comes in dressed as seemingly innocuous in fandom gear and tee shirts with big smiles and excitement. He quickly and easily proclaims his excitement of all of the others’ work and is extremely supportive at the beginning. I could see CharacterThomas becoming quickly and easily attached to someone who seems so positive and relatable. I think he’d be a little like Patton at first glance, but more childish. There would be none of the “fatherly” care in him for example. He would seem interested in what the others would say and generally only make quiet additions to the conversation. In the beginning it seems as if he brings out the good in the other sides with his small bits of help and encouragement. Except, he doesn’t stop at small. Instead as the sides start to become used to his presence he starts pushing things further and further. 

This side never lies, he doesn’t need to. He can manipulate the truth to do his bidding. He gently reminds Roman of all of the things he hasn’t yet achieved of his dreams. As a friend he pulls Patton aside to remind him of some of the bad things happening recently in the world, just to warn him of course. He asks for Logan’s help in clarifying  some facts that might be a little uncomfortable, but definitely important. He gently nudges Virgil about some of the dangerous things that could have happened to Thomas and really? Isn’t he just lucky to have come out okay so far? And self-preservation? No, not even he’s safe as the side reminds him of the rocky state of his “supposed acceptance” until Janus’ doubts overtake him.

You think Thomas struggles in dealing with one of them acting in extremes? Just wait until they all are. Logan becoming obsessive, Roman becoming unfocused, Virgil becoming paranoid, Patton becoming hysterical, and even Janus literally walling himself away because he devolves into extreme self-defense. (Also possibly trying to hastily wall just him and Thomas away. Because defensive rationality.)

The vast differences between the caring Patton and this side become increasingly clear to the audience, but by this point it’s too late. The sides are (almost) all hanging on his every word.

Logan can’t outmaneuver manipulative honesty, Virgil can’t caution against it, Roman’s too restricted to find a creative solution for it. Even Patton and Janus are ineffective because not only does it sound and feel right, it also seems akin to some of Janus’ behavior of revealing “uncomfortable” truths that Thomas doesn’t want to hear. 

I think this side is going to slowly drive the others into their own extreme biases until their own behaviors are so chaotic and restless they become literally unable to contribute to the conversation.

I also think that will be what makes this particular side terrifying. Instead of scaring the others into listening to him, he simply feeds into their own biases until they are so divided there is no longer a conversation. 

You see, this side wouldn’t simply want to be a voice to be heard. He would want to be the only voice.

Okay, now for my justification as to why. 

1. As I already mentioned before, we as humans like threes, comedians will list three things to establish a pattern and then add a fourth in a “one of these is not like the others” to make a joke. The best way to break a pattern is to flip expectation on its head. This side is already breaking that ideology simply by existing as a fourth darkside. He isn’t there to follow the others paths.

2. Janus and Remus’ religious dialogue that is telling of their own negative views of their lack of “inherent goodness” because they consistently use their own existences as proof of Thomas’ “inherent evilness.” While being revealing of their thought processes, I also believe it is a hint to the last side’s state as a Lucifer-like character in the classical sense of his intended perception. Not a demon, but an angel. Someone who believes they have done no wrong and tempts you on a personal level.

3. Also consider some of the things orange as a color symbolizes: encouragement, enthusiasm, and motivation, yes, but also ambition, domination, temptation, and warning.

It’s still loose evidence as we haven’t even met the side yet, but we as an audience can still derive a lot about him from the other characters.

Now that I’m here shoving all my opinions in your faces, I might as well go all out. 

I am currently two for three on darkside names so I’m going to throw my hat in and tell you my guess on that too. 

If the new Orange side follows my predictions I also think he will be named Aiden. 

Why? First, it means “fiery one” which is a perfect association for both passion and the color orange. It also mimics a “light side” name without quite fitting in with the “en” ending. Additionally, like most names, it is a modernization of older names and this particular one has derivative connections to both the Celtic god of sun and fire “Aodh” and the Greek god “Aidoneus” otherwise known as Hades. (Also keep in mind that Lucifer’s name means Morningstar, aka the sun.) Finally, the word “Aid” is literally in the name to give the impression of innocence. 

And that is my TED talk.

#sanders sides #orange side #prediction #headcannon? #sanders sides theory #theory #passion theory #longpost #textpost #sscolortheory #thomas sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #treeni theory

[iamanartichoke]

What do you think Loki would think of Kilgrave (from the tv series)? Would Loki be immune to his powers? How could Loki cheat and defeat Kilgrave?

This question has been sitting in my ask box (among others - sorry, anon :/) for probably a couple of months and I think about answering it at least once a week and I haven’t answered it yet bc I have no idea how to express how flaily I am at the idea of Loki encountering Kilgrave (believe it or not, I never thought about it before! Loki teaming up with Jessica, yes, but not crossing paths with Kilgrave.).

I also don’t know how to answer this lmfao, I have no idea. 

Well, I have a lot of ideas, but how accurate and/or in-character they are remains to be seen. .

Idk, buckle up. 

Under the cut bc it’s super long and I’m sure only like three people care about this. 

What do you think Loki would think of Kilgrave (from the tv series)? 

I don’t know if there’s a word that would encompass what Loki would feel toward Kilgrave. I think that there’s a number of things he would think, none of them particularly flattering. I think that the most succinct way to put it would be that Loki would think Kilgrave - basic, is the only thing I can think of. A basic bitch. 

I say that for a number of reasons and it’s not that I think Loki would think Kilgrave isn’t a threat. Kilgrave is evil. Kilgrave is irredeemable evil; there’s no redemption arc, no coming back from the things he’s done. He doesn’t want to come back from the things he’s done. 

It isn’t just that he mind controls people, and it isn’t just that he kills people. It’s the way he feels (or doesn’t feel) about it. 

Kilgrave could be a sociopath. (I don’t know enough about the diagnostic criteria to say that he definitely is, and on tumblr dot com, I feel like I need to disclaim that right off the bat. I’m not armchair diagnosing here.) There’s no empathy in him, no remorse for any of his actions, no inclination to do the right thing. It’s the exact opposite: Kilgrave’s particular brand of villainy is rooted in this purely sadistic need for power over others - quite literally. 

He doesn’t just want his victims to hurt or kill themselves. He wants them to do it as painfully as possible. He wants them to suffer, and he wants them to keep on suffering even after he’s no longer there to enjoy it. 

An example: Kilgrave uses his powers to hustle a ton of money in a poker game, and one of the players confronted him. Kilgrave told him to “see how long it takes to put your head through that post,” and the poor guy goes over and is just slamming his head repeatedly into the post, long after Kilgrave leaves. This is a particularly horrifying aspect of Kilgrave’s ability: the person isn’t freed from the mind-control after Kilgrave is no longer there, and it’s not the kind of mind-control that can be broken with “a really hard hit to the head.” The victims physically and mentally cannot stop doing what he told them to do, either until the thing is complete, or they literally die trying.

It’s brutal and perverse. But it’s significant to note that Kilgrave doesn’t hurt/kill everyone he mind controls. Whether or not he decides to make someone suffer seems to depend on 1) how useful they can be to him, and 2) whether he feels like it or not. There’s little rhyme or reason. He will mind control someone to give him their cell phone, mind control a second person to throw a cup of scalding coffee in their face, and mind control a third person to cut their own hands off, and all three of these things seem to be the same to him. He doesn’t see making someone cut off their own hands any worse than making someone give up their cell phone. He’s not any more horrified by it, and he doesn’t even think about it long enough to attempt to feel any real remorse. 

In this manner, Kilgrave mind controls, torments, kidnaps, rapes, maims, and kills his victims and doesn’t give it a second thought. He forgets them forever once he’s done with them. (What makes Jessica the exception is a whole other meta.) He’s motivated by the feeling that having power and control over other human beings gives him. He’s motivated by feeling invincible, and will do whatever he can to maintain that sense of invincibility. 

These things make Kilgrave terrifying as a villain, both to his victims as well as to the audience. What makes him a particularly formidable villain for the series is that Jessica is literally the only one who can stop him. He loses his ability to control her, and she’s strong enough to take him down. She’s the only real threat to him. When one is surrounded by regular human beings who are completely helpless to this brand of mind control, it raises the stakes and frames him as a villain you are going to be scared of. Ymmv, but I mean, I certainly wouldn’t want to cross paths with Kilgrave on the street. 

So why is he a basic bitch? 

Loki may consider all of these things, and he may further be mildly horrified if he actually saw what Kilgave does to some of his victims (’mildly’ because we don’t know what Loki’s threshold is; who knows what kind of Fucked Up Shit he’s seen by now), and he would conclude that while Kilgrave is certainly a threat in his own, human context, there’s nothing about him that differentiates him from any other would-be villain out there. There’s nothing compelling about him; there’s nothing that sets him apart. His powers are the only thing that make him significantly more threatening than any other human serial killer who kidnaps, rapes, and kills for no reason other than that sheer need for power and control over a victim. 

I mean, Loki’s opinion of the humans is pretty low to start with. When Thor says, “you consider yourself above them,” and Loki is like, “um yes?” - I don’t believe that’s a response that had anything to do with the scepter’s influence and everything to do with the culture in which he and Thor were raised. Odin compares Jane being on Asgard to a goat being at a banquet table. The W4 mention “throwing around a little lightning and they see us as gods” (paraphrase). Loki grew up in a world that is both physically and scientifically millenia beyond humanity, and as a prince besides (which grants him a level of privilege above even other Asgardians). It’s only natural, I think, that he would see the humans as lesser-than his own people. 

If Loki encountered Ted Bundy on the street, he’d not be overly impressed. Likewise, Kilgrave is not overly impressive to him. In the most general “here’s my reaction,” sense, Loki thinks that Kilgrave is what we would call a basic bitch. It’s similar to how he used his last breath to tell Thanos, “You’ll never be a god.” The implication being, you may have power, and you may be frightening, but there is nothing about you that is truly remarkable and there never will be, no matter how hard you try. 

That all said, if we dig a little deeper, I think that Kilgrave would give Loki a lot to think about, in a way? Kilgrave suffered through medical experimentation in order to get his powers, and Loki isn’t a stranger to torture. And I think that, in a comparative sense, Loki would be somewhat reassured at the fact that he finds Kilgrave’s actions appalling. Even going through whatever torture Loki went through, he didn’t turn out like Kilgrave. Kilgrave does things that Loki would never do. (The mind control aside, but to be fair, it wasn’t entirely Loki’s choice to do that.) 

Loki doesn’t enjoy violence just for the sake of it. He takes no pleasure in hurting or killing anyone and, in fact, seemed kind of repelled by it (does anyone else notice how Loki rarely looks at his foe when doing the violent thing?). Loki would never kidnap or rape anyone, and certainly not just to feel power over another person. He would never inflict torture, either. 

I say this fairly confidently because the consistent thing about all the misdeeds Loki has done is that they’re internally motivated. Loki’s desire for power isn’t rooted in the need to victimize others; it’s rooted in this deep-seated self-loathing that has him convinced that power - not just any power, but the power to be a king - is the only way he will ever have any worth. 

He never wanted to rule Asgard. I don’t believe he wanted to rule Midgard, either. It’s like Loki is seeking the illusion of power more than the actual power itself. He wants the worthiness and the validation; he wants to be taken seriously. He wants his own abilities, specifically his magic, to be revered as any other warrior’s skill. He just wants to be seen. 

So I think on some level that Loki, when confronted with bone-deep, unapologetic, irredeemable villainy (for lack of a better word) would think, I could have been worse. Thank the norns I’m not worse. 

Again, I may be completely off-base or wildly out of character - idk, I revised this like 12 times. But this is just my idea of what Loki would think of Kilgrave and I hope, if nothing else, it was interesting to read. 

Would Loki be immune to his powers? 

Yes. This is another thing that contributes to how Loki sees Kilgrave; his powers aren’t a threat to him personally. This is because Kilgrave’s ability is a virus. 

According to Kilgrave’s Wikia: 

Kilgrave’s abilities are due to “a virus that he emits through microparticles in the air. His power was revealed to be a side-effect of the viral treatment used to cure his childhood degenerative disease. His ability is always active as he cannot stop his body from producing the virus and anyone within his immediate proximity is affected” (Source). 

Now, I’m no scientist, but my takeaway from this is that, because Kilgrave’s powers are literally a virus, and said viruses (viri?) have this effect on the humans around him, someone with alien biological insides (Asgardian or Jotun, for that matter) would likely not be affected in the same way, if at all. 

It’s like how ebola or HIV (or covid, ugh), is potentially deadly to humans because of the way our cells respond to the virus cells. Someone who isn’t human wouldn’t have that same response. Of course, it’s entirely possible that a different effect could occur, or even possibly the virus could affect an alien but the reaction wouldn’t be as strong or overpowering. There’s no way to know for sure but, my limited understanding of science-y things leads me to believe that Kilgrave’s ability would be useless on anyone who wasn’t human.  (As a matter of fact, I think that it’s revealed that Jessica was able to break free from the control because she’s enhanced and her biology is different, but I’d have to watch those episodes again.) 

How could Loki cheat to defeat Kilgrave? 

Considering the above answer, there would be no need for Loki to cheat; Kilgrave’s abilities wouldn’t work on him, which leaves him powerless while Loki maintains his arsenal of magic, along with the whole super-strength thing. Loki would probably just have to hit him a few times to take him out. 

I’m sorry this is so long, but I really appreciate the question! Thank you! I hope that this was a decent answer overall.

#idk how well written this is #i kind of got carried away and had to delete a bunch of irrelevant stuff #but alas here we are #kilgrave #jessica jones #loki pokey artichokey #asks #charlotte replies #a nonny mouse #shit i forgot trigger warnings #tw rape mention #tw violence #tw mental illness

[arlakos]

Why Mayura is a pointless character, a Season 3 study.

If there was on thing that was one of the main focuses of season 3, for better or worse, it would be Mayura. The new villain of season 3, she worked with Hawkmoth by creating Sentimonsters that would aid the akumatized villains Hawkmoth created, or even creating sentimonsters to battle the heroes themselves.

Despite the mixed feelings on season 3, a lot of people tended to like Nathalie more, especially as Mayura. Her powers were dangerous and the sentimonsters were more powerful than akumas, and people loved it (even though i think she’s just a hawkmoth reskin). Her motivation for helping Gabriel and her risk to use the peacock miraculous despite it literally killing her also made people sympathize with her, or at least liked her character in due to her ‘tragic love’ for Gabriel. And for a time being I did so too.

...However, I looked back. And in doing so i realized, Mayura as a character was... kinda pointless.

So, being the good little knowledge giver I am, I decided to make a post on Mayura, and why her character, despite being rather cool for season 3, was ultimately pointless.

But in order to understand, lets go back to season 2... to Heroe’s Day.

Heroes day recap, just in case you forgot:

So in the season 2 finale, Hawkmoth akumatizes Nathalie into Catalyst, and uses her to amplify his own power, turning him into Scarlet Hawkmoth. Using the negative emotions in Pariss from the illusion he generated with the help of Volpina, he akumatises all of Paris, or at least all the prior villains.

Unfortunately he got his ass beat, and he was reverted back into regular old Hawkmoth. With Hawkmoth on the verge of defeat and no way to repower him as Catalyst, Nathalie uses the Peacock Miraculous to transform into Mayura and save Hawkmoth by generating a sentimonster from his despair to blow the heroes

So what exactly is the problem?

Now, I have my own issues with Scarlet Hawkmoth as a whole. I think while he is very cool, the idea of being able to have that kind of power with no defined weakness is kinda a big issue, and I think he should either have a time limit on his power or have a restriction on the power that prevents him from using it again and again (such as needing a cooldown period between each use, or having it weaken him after he transforms back). Having Chat break the baton doesnt even matter, because if Hawkmoth was actually smart, he could just keep making butterflies from his base instead of being an arrogant prick and confronting the heroes like he’s some sort of king.

But enough about Hawkmoth, lets talk about Mayura.

So, to be fair, I have NO PROBLEM with Nathalie being Mayura in heroes day. Logically, it made sense to have her transform, because Hawkmoth was in trouble and being Catalyst wouldn’t help in the situation. It kind of made sense for her to just act on instinct and transform despite the risks, if it meant being able to save Hawkmoth and prevent him from being trapped. And hey, it worked! And without compromising the established show and its logic.

HOWEVER, I do have a BIG PROBLEM with the fact that Nathalie keeps using the Peacock Miraculous, because... if she just wants to help him, why not just become Catalyst and transform him back into Scarlet Hawkmoth?

Now i get that some people are going to bring up how Nathalie did become Catalyst in the Ladybug episode and it didnt work because she became sick, but she only got that sick after she had alredy transformed 3 times in prior episodes (and possibly more, if we consider the fact that it there are possibly more battles where Mayura had transformed, yet were not shown on screen). It is extremely likely that if Nathalie chose not to transform, or if Gabriel prevented her, she would not have been weakened as much. (Also, Ladybug is the third last episode before the two part finale, so it canonically takes place after all the other times she has transformed into Mayura)

So assuming if Nathalie didnt transform into Mayura again after the events of Heroes Day, it would have made more sense for her to transform into Catalyst instead. As it has already been shown that there is no limit on the amount of times Hawkmoth can be akumatized into Scarlet Hawkmoth, Hawkmoth could just keep doing it again, making it completely pointless for Nathalie to wear the peacock Miraculous and become sick. 

Let me reiterate:

Nathalie could just be reakumatized back into Catalyst and help Hawkmoth by transforming him back into Scarlet Hawkmoth.

There is NO LIMIT  on the amount of times Catalyst can re-power Hawkmoth, and there is no RESTRICTIONS either on the Scarlet transformation, such as requiring a cooldown or having a time limit for the transformation.

As such, there IS NO REASON for Nathalie to become Mayura again, thus making the whole subplot about Nathalie being sick yet still being Mayura ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS.

Yeah, this means Nathalie wont be able to do the whole Miraculer and Ladybug episodes, but it doesnt mean Hawkmoth cant make another plan in order to get Ladybug and Cat Noirs Miraculous.

Also, feast could just be a Giant Sentimonster from the start that manages to break free, and is akumatized by Hawkmoth. Just sayin.

Why is this an issue for me?

See, Astruc and his team have the habit of adding in new stuff into the show in order to keep up a ‘wow factor’, but fail to consider how implementing it into the show will have an impact on the plot line. Doing something cool for the sake of doing it is fine for individual moments, but having that ‘cool thing’ impact the logic of the show makes stuff like what I just mentioned Jarring instead of cool.

For example, Timetagger introduced a rule where anyone who is an adult (ie, over the age of 18) have an unlimited timer and can use their power as many times as they want, with training or any other factor having no impact on the timer. While it may be fine for others, its a problem for me, because then the question becomes ‘ why the hell didnt Fu choose someone older’? He could have chosen  teenager who are around 17-18, or give the miraculous to young adults who also have a good choice of character, just like he did to Marinette and Adrien. It would make sense considering Hawkmoth is also an adult with no timer. This wasnt an issue before Timetagger came a long, but with this rule introduced, it suddenly shifts the entire plot so that the choices made prior make no sense logistically.

In writing, the plot decisions have to either make sense, or the choices made have to be used to deliver an important message to its audience. For example, in Aladdin, Aladdin uses his final wish to Free the Genie, when he could have just asked to be wealthy again and have Jasmine use her last wish to free him. But in this case it makes sense, because the movie teaches us that you have to be true to yourself, and in this case, Aladdin’s decision is justified.

Miraculous doesnt have the luxury of teaching important messages, so when Astruc decides to fuck up the continuity or introduces stuff that clashes with already existing logic, it just looks unbearable to look at from the eyes of someone who writes stories as hobby, and hopes to do so for a living.

I get that some people won’t agree with what I’m saying, and that I understand why Astruc wanted to introduce Mayura to the show. But as much as I can understand the reasoning behind his decision, I also understand that in writing, everything must make sense so that the audience does not get confused, and Astruc continually misses that mark. Obviously now the problem about the Peacock Miraculous is now moot thanks to the season 3 finale, but then that means that Astruc should have introduced Mayura in season 4, and not have Nathalie make a decision in season 3 that doesnt have a reason for being made, especially when I just mentioned everything from the season 4 finale.

Here’s to hoping for a better season 4.

Thanks for Coming to my Ted talk. Many thanks to @twin-books for helping me discuss this idea on Discord with her!

#Miraculous Ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug season 3 #Miraculous Ladybug salt #ML salt #Season 3 salt #Astruc Salt #Mayura salt

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars          Escape from Kadavo

Well this is certainly a      scene change and one that doesn’t really make sense,

   I mean I thought it was a Camp of Holding for slaves

     Where they got transported to different places on the island to do     slave labor, per         hap        -s

   Now there’s apparently a lava pit under it,

            How?

  That

    -doesn’t make any sense

    Also wtf,

   Coal, metal

Since when was   refinery really this place’s MO      (Like this is really starting to feel like they got the        Mandalorian           And           This        Set         -ting        s       Switch           ed,)

      Not to say they can’t be a     coal/mining industry,  

      Just, that the setting should    reflect it,

     From we saw there was nothing to indicate this was anything but        an ar       chai          c      Soc-either

     With no flues        Or fu    -mes

     To indicate   that they were burn        Ing combustibles,

   Honestly some kind of stalactites   mine,

     Or someplace where they       dig for      “valuables,”            -like      prized st-          one for         Jew           elery-          Would          make         more        sense-       -        Anyway, I’m getting.      way too        focus        -ed          on          the        se-          tt         -        Ing-      - Again Rex is    just straight up chilling,     This is      n’t       his first rodeo with abusers,

  Ok, seriously what was up with the    Wil       -h         el          m,?

     (Like I don’t honestly see anything          steep enough to fall off)

   You could say      it was a whip but we haven’t seen any        Of       That,      Ye      t-

  I don’t get the    screaming-

  Also that   dude just attacked him out of nowhere,

  Like   could we have gone    establishment of that?

   Like,

  What was even his ber-zerk        butt-        on       there?

   Dude was doing his job

  Like if it was a faster thing you kind of have to establish that before hand      -        Also then the environment, the ma      jor      ity,       Would be working at a   breakneck speed,      With a sense of anxiety,       In the       air,

    Then,     the whip,

  He-     was?

  (Like that was just        plain - pointless

     Not even an emotional reaction

     Like that told us absolutely nothing about the setting      and character

    The mate didn’t even have a reaction

    It’s one random guy that just decided to hit      someone else-

   Like that’s not even calculated never mind       systematic,

    Also I like how Rex like yeah      I wouldn’t know anything about that,        feck’in             Jedi             -

      Also       “Effect?”

      Not really more like 

     “ Dave’s having a real rough day and I really don’t want to talk to              (In that               state)

          Like they didn’t wince.

         There was no antici             pation-

          No                  anxiety,

            Like no signs of this is had a           permanent          psychologically            damaging              affect

(Note all toxic behavior is           harmful,               The difference here is             Between                The intensity of the        in-dentation,

            It can get pretty       bad

            And enabling        tox can have serious effects                 (Pretty                   bad)

              (Requiring a lot more time   to undo)

               From;            Dave is really an    asshole,

                 To                           I am really an    asshole,

                  To                    The world is really an   asshole (And Dave is the       savior-)

   (Apologies to anyone who’s chosen name is          Dave or similar vernacular,               It’s not out of any Mala-    cian-              Just the first identi          fication I could think of,

          And tox-    ic logic is really not something you wanna enable,

         Again what the Frick?

(This is really not an   or-ganic way to      introduce        your       rules

Like, “oh yeah    speech is for-bidden,       Have a nice        day,”

 Like      you   think   dude-

Like you were pretty damn path     -etic     abu       ser-        (s)         -    (Sla       vers)       Wow,

   There was no emotions or anything     -be      cause the set up was so poor,

  W-        h      -a         t

    Again the emotion    is non existence,

  Also what the fuck     happened to Rex over there?     -      

When did he      go down?

 (Like don’t    get me wrong   I saw a flash in the corner?)

  But why       him?

   [also did the scenery just completely changed because he was on the far end of Ken-        Obi with something in between

      Some thing they were       shoveling the stuff on?

     That’s just       gone in this shot]

  [Also,           From a narra-         tive,     standpoint wouldn’t it have made more sense and been a more engaging concept,          If the guy had threat          -ene             d-            The clone          in Obi- wan’s              stead,             Seeing as of the     republic’s version of slavery,

      Rex pos          s-             ib          ly

     Reflec-         ting on the          (Other           Species?)

And    contrasted with them,

   On how much    Obi-Wan views him as a possession,

   (Or his reaction to the people under him getting hot          ,and why)

   Allo-      wing for more heart, 

     “I’m            sorry,”

        “No              Wors              e-               Than               The            Kamino               -ins,”

       Rex’s         Sub             Cat;

        Seeing the people he was trained (and order-ed) to protect              Harm                 -ed                   -                    Much like the people (under him) were harmed during the Kamooin.   s-

  Groom          -ing,                  ?]

      Any      -way,  

    Again,     and what was the emotion?       -         M-aster

  Rex must be like,         Kar-           ma

     If he’s   not,

    [Never mind      he isn’t asleep      just one frame     made it look weird?]

   Ai-       gh -t

  Oh yeah seriously check up on that one guy instead of you know the person under the command,

    Also;       

 What The fuck?

    IS THAT GOOGLY EYES?

    What the feck,

     What is with that       expression-

     What is with that              facial-

   (Seriously someone tell me what      emotions this is supposed to por-     tray!

    What?

    Also yeah 

  they completely waltz.       -ed     past the ab-        us         -er.        Be-         Ing        -         Con-          fron         ted-              by         the       Con-        Seq-        Uen        Ce        (s)          Of       their      actions,

  It’s not pointed out that Obi-Wan totally caused this by (not)-    listen-ing,        To dude’s        initiative      to stay out of it

(Or, what he did to Cody        Rex,       and basically         all the clones,)

(And what could’ve been a good moral about negative effects of “Pos-       itive  over-       invo        lv           e-       Ment-            )

   so I am slightly big mad

         Not com-   -pletely

          But I’m      get-ting          th-ere

   Drinking         my        slightly       bitter       ju-ice-

   Gett    -ing         pr-etty          salty

     Which is odd since I normally don’t criticize      aesthetic differences

              Like                    This-       -

   The problem is it isn’t the aesthetic       that I have a problem with,        (You want to have a Obi-Wan show more compassion to the slave of similar generation then to Rex?

    (That’s per-fect-ly fine and could even show how he values his job and  Mission over someone he is actually wound-        ed-)

     However that’s not it-

        (It doesn’t             even do that)

   My problem with it is that it shows no        emotion

   No emphasis

   No moral

   It’s - empty               -          Watching this scene,     there is absolutely nothing I get out of it,

       Also wow that was a        quick turnaround,

Like seriously     it generally takes longer      for that kind of behavior to be indented,

  This is literally the only Jedi       he’s seen be there

       One time

         This is barely scraping        logic,          And            even             then,                not              really            requiring-              pre-knowledge                  of the emotions               and general plot               (before                       hand)

   I know that I should feel bad for the        slave because         slav-ery is a bad thing           And any real person would be          pretty upset it/             Suffer for the toxic environment,

         Note; it’s not from the               medium

         I didn’t gain that                 knowledge             from the medium

(In which the chara-       cters      actions and emotions,         Make me        conclude,       “oh wow,         slavery is a real         bad thing!”

   No the characters are wooden puppets          with no emotion,

          Going from;                Point a to point B

      Nothing to connect them              (No preamble)

         No emotions

         No motive(s)

       ‘why is Obi-Wan doing what he’s doing?’

         ‘I don’t know’

                    (And I honestly don’t think the wr-     iters did either)

       And no damn interest

        Barely scraping        logic..

   ‘Why is Obi-wan      doing what he’s doing,’

     ‘Because he has the rescue the slaves,’

    ‘ why does he have to rescue the slaves,?’

      ‘ because you have to rescue slaves,’

        It’s literally circular

   Rely- ing completely on the cookie   cu-    tter,

    Resulting in it being as flat as a cookie when      rolled over by a rolling pin,

         Where                It             should;                Be;

    “ why does Obi-Wan want to rescue the slaves?”

        “Because of his dedication to his moral compass/ because of his dedication to his generation/ non-      clone- ena         blers,/      (Whatever        you want           to put            there)

           (Hey that was almost emotion from   ,Rex)

         (We’re      2:29      Min      Ut        es        In,        And I’m already        salty about the episode refusal to be         fun,

     -

   That’s nice        exposition      *Palpatine*.       Sidious,

     Tra-        dition           (S);

    Mill-

  That’s literally all I      -heard-

      -(I assume they’re saying             “millions,”)

         Which would actually be neat if we got to see some you know human soldiers on the Darkside to counterbalance the whole do you know clone troopers, contrasting the dark side’ s more ethical but none the less toxic practices,

    To the light side’s-          Gen Break-

      De-       fiance?

   (I think you mean that other Zygerian’s death because we have literally not seen the queen act even remotely rebellious,

   Yeah she      con-     templates possibly free-        ing them,

   But we haven’t seen her openly communicate with either of these 2 to inform them

   And she still wants to keep     Anakin,

  So she at least     has one Jedi,

   With the others possibly be blamed on a       -prison break-

      And literally nothing that we’ve seen       com-municating the concept of open - rebel-      lion

   Or any of the connection between      her    and the separatist,

   Again seriously        how am I     supposed to feel about that             (Also the one person that gives even the slightest bit of emotion and it’s the villain,)

    Like I’m surprise’d       Dooku’s surprised by that

   (Er-)

    O-k

   Whe-lp 

   (Also, now there         are flues).           (Don’t recall        seeing them                last time,)

        Or just sticks with gold          on them

 (I am very        con-        fused,)

This seems pretty different

And totally safe

  (Also wasn’t the castle       blue?)

  But I’m not against it because it could work with the       symbolism of wild,       Or just.          Wor      -k                 (I know I’m being way too hop-   - eful but I try,

      Re-        hash-

     Easy-

   So why is there no other emotion 

   And why do you look like a         caveman,

    (Eyebrows    constantly furr-        Ow-        ed)

    Also what was with the      pro-nunciation and        emotion?

    Bare,

   Also literally no     one else is paying attention to that guy?        ?

‘ he also doesn’t   cause me to have any emotions’

  Like seriously I know that it’s a cat person but you still have to show some sentient emotion here

   If there’s no emotion,        there’s no risk,

   (Part of   sent- ience)

   Att-        end,

   Again that’s not the cha-    llenge I think they were trying to make it out to be;              (Un-accountabili-          ty)    Aka         What it would work best as;

          Remix;

    “ I’ll would never turn away from a challenge,” Anakin said snarkily,

      The queen se-           duct              iv             el-              y

          Taking his light saber,                -                that works better;

           -                   Ser-iously                       -                       Um-                       No,  

(Last time someone fall from a height that      high, they died,)

   (You have to play by        your       own      rules,             )

    Wha-

    Also again wh        -at-

   Sky -walker

  When          ?-

   -

   Would be nice if you ever         feckin showed it,

       (Seriously the concept of Obi-Wan having to come to terms at least temporary that his Over-involvement has      hurt people is an interesting concept,”

     Also bullshit      that you know that

      (Pretty)

   (You’re all enabled and you haven’t spent any time around     Obi-Wan)

   (That’s a stupid plan            and the animation really doesn’t help,)

       Zy-ger

       Perm     -     R-       i-,

Oh yeah so no reserves,     about using the term,             “master”      After this     schism            ?            -         Y-eah           -         How?           -           W-at

 [The emotions are off the roof and I have no idea 

    with the scale of escalation

   W-at]

   Lesh          -       Li- fe

    You did-            n’t?             -              Emo            tion-

        ?

      Wh-at?

      Who        called-        the       guards?

   Seriously if this is such a constantly abusive (tox) relationship than how do they not know,

     (Unless the previous guards got killed and these          are the         newbies,)

    Because you don’t act like it all don’t have any of the characteristics generally associated with constantly rein-forc       -ed toxicity,         Show-       ed no emotion including     (anxiety and anticipation)         In that previous           fight,

 As well as no negative    con-    seq-    uen      ce          s for your behavior             -               Even now your voice is just     “ oh I’m     dyi-ng-            -,’.                 .        

Meep,

 [Something        happened 

   not a Tumblr refresh,

       Gist;

  There’s absolutely no emotion in the scene and the fact that she just dies after that being the threat is just kind of cheap,

  [and the fact that she had absolutely no expression            (Or emotion)     during that entire fight                  Not showing any of the general signs             -               Just no)

    And that expression is a weird way way to end

   The scene.       not the movie that still going,          (Un-fortunate-         ly)

   Uh, why             Off to you obviously evil factory,       land,”

    Kick,

   Hey     isn’t it that minor antagonist    that hasn’t showed up since the last episode?       . . .       Why?         . . .       And he included       the clone        why?

    (Oh yeah I want the      Jedi Knight         Obi-Wan          Kenobi,          And especially the to my knowledge           (default)             clone.

       -  

       And Rex who is honestly a lot more intimidating,

  K-i

  [Again this is supposed really be about.     Ken-obi but I’m really focusing on     Rex,]

    Wh-        at-        -

   How?!

    They were on a        bug?

    I-

   Ok-

  Sorry my memory     gave out for a moment at the whole     Anakin durp face thing         -       -

 W-h

  W-

Wood

   Again, how is he supposed to do that?

    -       Ter-         -        I-l

   Sl-av          es

   So Ahsoka goes to rescue the slaves while An-a      kin,    stays here and carves a hole,

   En-ough

   No emotion!

   Oh,     I thought he meant         Ah         -soka         -          Oh so yeah let’s bring a warship into what seems to have been         intended as a stealth mission,

      Screw                    Fitt              Ing                Re                Action-

And-

   W-

      .

How   did that change the fact that they have the button that can kill all the    slaves,

    (It didn’t)

Obi-won just apparently stopped giving a       fr-ick         -

  Ray-

   Well then they were impossible to   take out,

 F-a         -           S-l

   But only the         Tyger-ian        (Apologies for any misspelling          I mean Ahsoka’s            kind,)

      “He           -at,”

        “Cut,”

         Ge-n-

         Rex did more than Obi-wan,

          Also yeah     completely forgot about that,

        Also he said               kill,

         [Not further         im-prison,”         ]

       Rex had some      rage-

      Also you’d think that be Obi-Wan       considering how much he’s gotten       ,screwed with         This entire          ,time              -           Wh,at 

      Wh            -y              -

          -

Wh        -y          -     H-ere         -               How is Rex still fighting      guys?         -       Also thanks a lot Obi-Wan      you useless      piece of shit,

   [Again, would         n’t it make           sense?            .)

      W-ell

      -           You just came into a door        just hop them - over-                                -                             Lan      d-

                      Wait,                            How did you just get in, there                     though,

                     .                        Co-                    vert                          -                            ?

O-Kay,     new character,

 W-h

 -

(Also oh no they gave      plo another fleet  

      Great      )

     Ser-iously,   what     where are these guys coming from?        ,     You’ve literally been allowed this dude to heck around the entire time while Rex did all the hard work

La-me,

 Also seriously where was all that                    -  ,coming from-                     -                Wh    at-

Where   was the   emotion?       -      Hey that had no meaning, symbolism      or emotion behind it -       whatsoever,

    I

    ?

       A-i

         -            W-h              -             -           -            Whelp, was completely boring

    Covenants of a good,                  fun story;  

       - Set;  Excessive in instances that don’t directly affect the story’s           up,    cohesivity

       -Tone; Is appropriate

       -Emotions; And appropriate, and consistent and manage to keep a consistent tone,

             (Un-nessary,                        Typically switch-ed for a        more logical tone,                        In works of                      non-fiction,

                  Though may be in both,                        So long as note                        is given,)

        This            film            (Movie      -      Gets absolutely none of it right except the basics for a         good story

      It’s        co -         hesive-          But damn           boring         and empty,

Story         -      Re-write.          -            (I needed something fun after watching that       boring documentary,)

     So let’s       get into it,            -                   (May          feature            episode             -overlap)

   Obi-Wan emerges from the carrier,              With R           -ex,

    (Obi-Wan possibly sub- con-ciously           mov              -ing                  In              Fron                 -t                        Of                    Rex-)

         [Or              Cody]

             The                  minor              antagonist                welcome(s)                 them;                   Obi-wan trading some banter with him                      -                     It                being part of a plan to get captured,

              Unfortunately somethings went ar-ray and instead of              Cody being the back up plan; he got taken with him

               The minor antagonist                                   -               quickly cuts the chatter                                 -                                     By having the guard                               (S-                         bring Cody forward, introducing him as                                                           Obi-Wan’s                                                               Slave

           Giving a veiled threat of                “ would be a shame if something happened to such a                    ,pretty specimen,”

                  Obi-Wan getting   def-ensive,

                      The atag,      Com   menting,       “ Pretty protective,           Of your toy,            Aren’t              You,”

      Before         having           them thrown            somewhere,

         Next time,        we see them they’re getting e-           scor-            ted-             for gem            Min-            Ing,

         (Possibly some black humor from the vil               -ains-                about how people                 will pay,                     “An arm                  or leg

*Pos-sibly        yours,

                For                      the                      stuff,’           

            On the way there one of the guards notices Rex    (Cody)’s                                                                                     ey-ing the place.                                                                                          warning him                                                                                          That,                                                                                           ‘He’s                                                                                        not                                                                                 the only                                                                                     one                                                                                    under                                                                                 ob                                                                            -servation)

                                                                             Possibly                                                                               causing                                                                              a wincing                                                                            or anxious                                                                           reaction                                                                             from                                                                             them                                                                                  .   (I would generally  encourage flashbacks to be        able to - show the emotion          em-          ot            ion,)

      (Under-stand               what is going inside their            head,)

         But for now            I’ll stick           with           the example            given by the show         which is no flashbacks,     The      guard        making        it clear what will happen

Shock-     -Ing-

  The clone       (Eith          er)           Ha-ving       a bad reaction         to this,

     Knee       jerkingly      reaching            out,

     The guard       grabbing him         and         holding him    back -            -           Forced into a      distressing circumstance of         fa            il           -in            g-         The           Miss-         -ion             -

                                                                                             Those two are                                                                                     pretty much out of the action                                                                                for the rest of the episode being                                                                   stuck

                                                  Obi-Wan can’t do anything without hurting Cody                                                       Cody can’t do anything without hurting                                                                         the slaves                                                                               -                                                                              Most of their part is                                                                               contrasting                                                                            the condition,

Most of the     action is with      Ahsoka,        Who talks down that  dweeb         (Maybe someone near-er          to her age)                     And they go break      Obi-Wan out so he can back up, Anakin

    In the Dooku fight,

               The most consistent and                       clear char-                        -acter                          Being                              Q                             -ueen,                              Being a     slaver-

   If         it’s         Ana-       Kin,

          Anakin having to begrudgingly put up with this        slaver’s nonsense

         Be-grudgingly

      - Her talking about how life is slavery     and him just not...

          Then                  Dooku                 Shows                      Up,

   (The whole transition between the mine scene and the Anakin- slaver scene,        Being a cut from the sparks in a mine           To the jewel on her finger              With extra focus       being put on the jewels,

        Possibly all done with all of them              Zy-              gar-ian                (Or of all        the planets that         she’s taking people from-  

      Zygarian            Heir               loom)

          A black stone          (in the middle of her chest)               By a pendant                 (Generally                   implied to be by                 Count Dooku)

    Toxic        court-ing           implied,

              Count Dooku                   announces                a surprise visit,

               The Queen is pleased                    but nervous                       (Hands                         behind -back)

                  “I-”

              Putting        a wine glass down behind it,

                     Dooku is immediately aggressive

        The queen            offering                Anakin as a consolation prize

       As the youngest and newest to the-ir possible              rank,

        Dook-u snark                  Ing,

          Dooku threaten                -ing  to kill

          The queen having issue with that whole main characterization being the collector of rare things

          (Possibly a reflect-                Ion  about the no speaking rule)

             More likely Dooku dismissing her con-           cerns just saying that he can always get her a new one,

            “The Queen possibly wincing at a raised hand                  - if we want to go for indications of                  physical tox-’

          Poss-ibly a conversation about why she put up with           him

        “He treats me well”

        Focus on the necklace and pendent to             - contrast with the choking necklace-

          Possibly a poison               Sub-line

                -                     If you want                    to go there,                       -                    But focusing on Ahsoka,              they broke those guys out,

                 Ahsoka finding a heartbroken                         Jedi,                       Explaining that their res       -pect     ive  clone friend,        Has given up on them

   Ahsoka finding that person,

   Who manages to explain that he can’t        move either-

    To be cut off by the guards      who has really had enough of         every-      thing-

   Decided - screw it if pain isn’t going to make you stop and then might as well put them in a life or death situation,

    Add-ing time on the clock         (Or at least a new var-         iable-)

   Ahsoka possibly     does a whole speech thing          (Since seriously         we’ve seen none of her involvement or even care about         her own         spe-cies)          Via dem            on-          Strat           Ion-

      (Very likely leading to a            riot situation,)

     As they didn’t plan on the           Tagroatians (?)             Rebell              ing due to                crush                  -ed                 spirits,

     That happens                  -           Those two re-         unite and go to fi-ght                Dooku

        (I never.       really cared for the        Zy-            ger-             Ian           queen,)

         If she lives in then,    she’s grateful for them driving off Dooku,          Allows them to get off with the slaves,

      (Necklace might have information            might not,)

   *Honestly I felt it made more sense for        Anakin to be the one in the mine;             The Zy-          garian queen, and Obi         -Wan hav-          ing boomer ban             -ter,              With Obi-Wan a lot more           aware of that stuff,               (Show-ing               worldliness       by identifying the stones)             While Anakin compares       the circumstance to the one that he used to live in,              And the one he enabled Rex living in,           While Ahsoka,    could team up with a          Zy-ger-Ian round              her age,               Possibly some conversations about           enabling-           May-be Ahsoka talking about getting a clone         command of her own-            (If we want the clone commanders to be a constantly          featured theme                here)               Boomer                 Bait,               Busting Anakin out of the            mine,                Obi-Wan getting hidden behind a             cur-tain,                     And going to heck over Dooku,                   (Slaves recovered-)

           Both the Zy-                Gar-                  Ian-                    (And a flirtatious                promise to return                      By                       Obi-wan, )                       [contrast                        Mandalorian]                    Gets                         Free-                        Dom-                        -                         End-                         -

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales 87 Review: A Whale of A Bad Time (Catch as Cash Can Part 2)

A SEA MONSTER ATE MY ICE CREAM! Yup come with me under the cut as I cover one of the most infamous moments of all Ducktales.. and the absolutely bonkers episode attached involving robot ice cream trucks, giant robotic whales, Optimus Prime as a navy admiral, and semen.. er seaman Donald Duck!  All of this and more commissioned by @weirdkev27​ is waiting under the ocean and under the cut! Come aboard!

So yeah....

And not the adventure time or regular show or what have you kind of intetionally weird I mean all the elements just sort of conjeal into a mess of poor decisions in and out of universes, robotic whales and the most insane scheme to get a noble peace prize of all time. If that and the intro didn’t hook you I don’t know what will, let’s do this. 

PREVIOUSLY ON DUCKTALES:

Okay maybe not THAT previously... guess I gotta do this myself. *Grumble grumble* : Last time we met a steoyptical-ish foreign leader give Scrooge and Glomgold a deadline to literally weigh their fortunes in his country at ten days, with Glomgold’s sending the Beagle Boys after Scrooge in an attempt to cheat.. and springing from jail in a giant blimp shaped like a cow because your guess is as good as mine. Scrooge naturally won and here we are. As said last time, these episodes were still basically written as done in ones, able to be digested on their own, just with the overall framework of the four parter, in this case Scrooge and Glomgold’s contest, tieing it together. So with that out of the way. 

We open as Duckburg is hit with a heatwave. 

No that’s Heat Wave.. and besides he works out of central city, not Duckberg silly.. wherever those images come from.. me I guess? I dunno. Point is the boys are sweaty and uncomfortable, just like me 90 percent of the time, and decide to cool off by visiting Scrooge’s new ice cream factory for free samples. We’re only about a minute, and a recap about the contest on the news, in and already the characters this episode are acting kind of dumb.. get used to it. One of Scrooge’s primary, most consistent, most iron clad character traits is he does NOT give away something for nothing. Even for Charity he’ll often try and pench pennies and how much he donates, and in older harsher comics like Carl Barks famous “A Christmas For Shacktown” good luck getting him to donate any money to anyone else AT ALL. If he DOES give someone a gift, it’s usually with an alterior motive or some sort of scheme brewing, with Donald or the Nephews or all four rightly questioning him. The idea any factory of any product of his would give out samples unless he got something out of doint so or that they wouldn’t be tiny or use flavors that don’t sell or some cost cutting measure like that is nuts and while it’s not out of the boys characters to be stupid it is a bit for them to just blindly think he’d be okay with this.  Their soon distracted by other matters once they arrive though as the Guard won’t let them in despite being Huey, Dewey and Louie as much like bill and ted their a package deal, and yes they do a team pose and yes.. it’s actually pretty adorable. Again nepotism has never been a trait of scrooges either boys, why would he start now? They try flagging down one of his ice cream  trucks but they totally ignore him. and seem to be driving automatically... they also look human which... yeah. Just.. yeah. The boys are naturally suspicious and plan to ask scrooge at Dinner. This fails because Scrooge isn’t coming and Beakly refuses to let them disturb him on his orders.. and refused to let Webby eat till everyone’s at the table. I’ll come back to Beakly in a second, and there will be blood dumpster. 

The boys sleep that night, but are woken up by the ice cream trucks and wondering why the hell their running at night... which yeah is weird and was a bad part of the plan. We’ll get to why that plan’s a bit totally fucked in a second though as the boys assume someone is doing something shady with scrooge’s company and pull a Marty McFly, attaching their skateboards to a bumper and then hopping onto one of the trucks. And given that Magica, the Beagle Boys and Flintheart have all gone up at scrooge several times at this point judging by the episode guides, not to mention all the one off thieves, scumbags, con artists and warlords they’ve fought, you honestly can’t blame them for being super suspicious. 

Their suspcions of this being some kind of elaborate theft are semeingly confirmed when instead of , and this is really the flavor they use “Bubble Gum Pistachio Fudge” they find Scrooge’s money. And let’s just take a sec to .. unpack that flavor as none of those go together. I mean in a three scoop cone or bowl maybe, but in the same ice cream your just throwing shit together at that point. And the flavor isn’t outlandish enough to really be a good joke.

 I’ts just three flavors jammed together that don’t belong. It’s not like the, ironically in the same year, 87 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle’s love for weird pizza toppings. That.. actually comes off as a joke. It didn’t always land in the episodes i’d seen but I get what their going for. Thanks to this infographic I know they put ALL of this on pizza at some point, omitting actual pizza toppings for obvious reasons: Granola, Licorice, Fudge, Marshmallows, Clams, Peanut Butter, Avacado (Which didn’t sound bad in theory but once I thought about it I winced), Pickles, Asparagus, Butterscotch, Onions (Yes I know this is an actual regular pizza topping but no just.. no.. everyone hones in on anchovies, which i’ve never had but no.. onions are the real scourge of the pizza world), Toast, Tea (okay that one actually shocked me), Clam Sauce, Chocolate Sprinkles, Jelly Beans, Yogurt, Coconut, Strawberries, Oatmeal, Grape Jelly, Gucamole, Tuna, Popcorn, Sardines, Whipped Cream, Bannans and Goulash. The point i’m making is it’s not hard to come up with even a weak wacky flavor of something and it was  a weird line to just utterly botch but they somehow did it. Also that the Teenage Mutant Turtles have serious issues to address. I mean onions, really? onions? Guys you can do better... onions are a next mutation topping!

One Tangent Later, the boys and the trucks arrive at the docks where they see the money filled ice cream trucks loading onto a boat and a shadowy mystery man. Who could it be? My money is on

But my money is always on Crab People. It’s likely why i’m poor. But the boys chuck a bag of cash at him, then Louie... prepares to break his legs with a crowbar?

Seriously the truck was automated and they came straight form home. he had to have brought that with him. Whelp at least Louie has a unique character trait: He likes to make people bleed. I don’t know if that’s necessarily a GOOD thing for a 8-10 year old to want to do but it’s better than nothing. Before Louie can get up to a bit of the ultra violence, Huey finds out it’s Scrooge who explains himself: Naturally the sudden new Ice Cream Factory he built in days right next to the bin is a front, and the trucks are his own, a stealthy way to outfox glomgold. While the news said he was transporting the loot by air, he’s doing it by sea stealthily to prevent glomgold from attacking it. Which given he hasn’t a giant cow Zepplin, fair enough. 

The rest of this though is ludicrously overcomplicated: First off it’s not REMOTELY stealthy to build a giant fake factory next to your bin, days before you transport your cash, something so obvious i’m suprised Glomgold dind’t just come to the factory himself and set some explosives. Second while Robot Drivers isn’t a bad idea, Glomgold has many spies with many eyes, it’s a BIG gamble to both have active trucks around, especially at night carrying large sums of cash. I mean what if the police stopped them? Sure Scrooge could get his money back legally, but Flintheart might get to it first or bribe some cops first. Or some dirty cops might take it for themselves. It’s also WEIRDLY costly for someone as spiendthrift as Scrooge, I mean while he owns the land for the factory he had to buy a ton of trucks, pay for gyro’s, i’m assuming Gyro’s at least, material to make the robots, and pay for the guard to keep people out as well as presumibly either well paid workers or more robots inside to get the money into the trucks. It’s just hilariously overcomplicated and while not an intentional joke clearly got a laugh out of me as it just makes no logical sense for scrooge’s character and he’s done similar ideas for far less money in the comics. It’s a carl barks style “hide the money bin’s cash” plot, funnled through bloodshot eyes of someone having done a small mountain of cocaine to get this script done on time and I love it for that. The boys applaud their uncle for his wacky scheme while a mysteroius periscope watches them from a distance. 

The Next Morning Beakly is still awful as despite everyone being there, she now refuses to let Webby eat till everyone’s settled. And NOW we can talk about 87 Beakly. I don’t like her. She’s had one or two moments in the episodes I watched, but outside of that she’s a bland character who mostly fusses over the boys and webby, worries things are too dangerous, or is there for a weak joke. She’s just not all that intresting, and while i’ll grant the 87 Ducktales cast isn’t the deepest set of characters and the boys can be annoying depending on the episode.. their at least INTRESTING. The boys are clever, rambunctions and curious, Webby has all of that and an underlying swetness that while cloying at times is mostly just really endearing, Launchpad is a klutz and a crash magnet but means well and keeps trying and genuinely is a good scoutleader and person, and Scrooge despite his rough edges is a hardscrabbled adventuerer. The rest of the main cast here at least has a drive and character to them that makes the stories work when their at their best. Beakly is just kinda.. there. Why I also go into this is because 87 Webby gets a lot of shit.. and she really dosen’t deserve it. Yes she’s clearly a studio executives idea of what a little girl should like and that’s bad. And yes she got kidnapped a bunch.. but so did everyone else. But she makes up for that by being the heart of the team, offering love and empathy to all of them, easily bonding with varous animals and people they meet, and genuinely offering a naive but optimistic worldview that nicely contrasts with scrooge and the boys understandable cyncism. And she CAN handle herself more often than not. Wheras frank and co basically took almost everything about beakly and started over with Webby they simply tweaked her for the times: Made her about the same age if not older than the triplets so their equals, took away the triplet’s outdated and utterly loathsome sexisim, and added badassery and intellegence to her already admirable emotional skills and naive optimism, along with some boundless energy on top.They took a decent character and made her an amazing one.  With Beakly.. they took a dodering, easily frightned old lady whose overly proper and stuffy and turned her into a taciturn, snarky, badass former secret agent whose the sanest person in the mansion and when she IS wrong, will not only admit it but usually had some good reason for it. She also goes from being mostly deferent to scrooge to one of his few equals, to the point that the “87 Cent Solution!” lampshades the fact that if they’d called her the episode would’ve been over, as she’s , outside of a few exceptions the one person he listens to. She’s a throughly likeable, throughly complex character and one i’m glad their doing more with this season while I really hope I don’t see the original her more than I have to.  Okay with that rant done for this and any future retro ducktales reviews, we can get to the reason your all here and Kev comissioned me to do all 4 of these episodes: You’ve seen it on youtube, you’ve seen it in “Let’s get Dangerous”, you’ve seen it in dreams, ladies, gentleman and others, A. SEA. MONSTER. ATE. MY. ICE. CREAM. 

As the family sits for pancakes, Wippleman, Scrooge’s accountant and what I can only assume is this universe’s version of WWE manager Harvey Wippleman, comes in and has some bad news for Scrooge: A Sea Monster of some kind sunk one of his ships.. but the good news it was only Ice Cream. Knowing what it really was Scrooge goes absolute APE shit and procedes to hop around the table going absolutely insane, destroying everyone’s breakfast, with poor webby bemoaning she’ll never get to eat, Beakly remarking “it must’ve been some ice cream’ which isnt’ a bad line, Huey explaning what’s up with the weirdly delivered “It was half his fort-une!” and the boys finally restraining Scrooge with an impromptu tablecloth straightjacket, which calms him down and he hops off to get his money back. Wether you’ve seen the scene for yourself and ESPECIALLY if somehow you haven’t, it’s right here if you want to take another look. 

This scene is not only the most remembered part of the special, and easily the most beloved, it’s one of the best scenes in all of Ducktales 87 and easily one of the funniest across duck canon. Everything just clicks: The concept, the animation showing off just how manic scrooge is, how he never does the same move twice, how rather than looping it Alan Young very clearly said the word a bunch of times each time with a different more manic and uniquely hilarious delivery, Beakly’s deadpan reaction, and the boys vain attempts to restrain him before finally succeeding. Everything about this works and in an otherwise just really off center episode, this sparkling gem of a scene stands out. I waited till now to talk about Alan Young’s scrooge and honestly the man defined the roll for a reason: he can do a dramatic or emotional delivery just as effortlessly as a comic bit like this, and plays the character with the sternness and stubbornness expected. He got the character perfectly and it’s unsurprising Frank and Matt wanted him to reprise the roll and he only didn’t because he sadly passed on, though I will say David Tenant is a perfect replacement. Though even HE couldn’t do the Sea Monster Ate My Ice Cream bit as well as Alan, as his felt a bit more stilted and was clearly looped, but really I don’t think anyone could top him at this. It’s his shining moment as the character and he earned it square. 

So getting back to the ten car pileup that is the rest of this episode, the boys and Scrooge head under the sea, doot doot doot, to find his ship. But while under water they instead find the navy who’ve quarantined the ship.. yet aren’t wearing face masks inside their little suits. How odd. Guess the giant glass dome and giant ocean of water between them and the ship helps but still, you can’t be too careful.  Point is both sides are being kind of douchey: The Naval Guards, rather than direct Scrooge to their superior to PROVE it’s his vessel and ask questions to him directly since their aircraft carrier soon turns out not to be far from here just tell him he can’t pass and Scrooge is as bill gerent as you’d expect. I’m not saying people aren’t this dumb in real life, just google any video of a karen of any gender throwing a giant tantrum in a store over masks, i’m just saying i’td be nice to move the plot along without unnecessary cul de sacs.  The boys however naturally have a way around this and sneak in with scrooge on the underside of a sea turtle. It’s a genuinely clever tactic. They find the ship with a large bite out of it.. and the Navy then swoop in to take them in. 

On the ship Scrooge continues to not help his case and pulls a classic old white guy and demands to see their superior. Or white person in particular really. Point is he throws a strop on their way to what could easily be a trip to the brig with his behavior and possible criminal charges, while the boys muse that this is Donald’s ship. For the uninitiated, the in-series reason Donald left the boys for this series was he was called back to the Navy, and thus left the boys with Scrooge. Out of series it was an executive mandate: As Tad Stones, future creator of Darkwing Duck and story editor for Ducktales 87, explained, and I found out about this via looper, Disney was nervous about having one of their biggest characters overexposed by having him as part of 65 episode tv show. This was combined with the fact they were worried Donald’s voice would make stories confusing.  I also believe, if with no proof there was at third reason: Tony Anselmo had just started as Donald Duck, taking over from the late great Clarence Nash at Nash’s request after Nash died in 85, and they likely feared putting Tony through such a ringer this soon might sour audiences on him before audiences had gotten used to the new voice actor. So with all this Donald was kept to the occasional guest roll, though I will say while there have been complaints about Donald’s voice on this show I have no issue with it. It’s not as good as the reboot.. but the reboot also comes after Tony’s been playing the roll for over 30 years and is just as iconic as his predecessor in the roll at this point versus two years after his mentor died and he picked up his sword.. or squawky duck voice in this case. 

Scrooge is escorted to Admiral Grimitz, the head of this aircraft carrier whose showed up in other Donald episodes, specifically his segment of the Treasure of the Golden Suns series opener. He’s the gruff but mostly fair head of the ship and is voiced by, of all the va’s possible, Peter “Optimus Prime” Cullen, using a voice that is DIFFRENT but not by much. It’s hard not to be distracted by it. The Admiral waves scrooge off from his entirely justified fear the Army stole his money, but refuses to give any details since i’ts classified. Scrooge angrily.. decides to do the next shipment anyway and tells them to stay out of it instead of calling the president like he threatened to get some answers. Or threaten to pull funding for his military contracts. I know Scrooge never would, but they don’t know that. It’s just.. odd to see scrooge give up and it would’ve made more sense if the Admiral threatened legal action first or something that would get him to back off.  The Admiral then brings in Donald, and gives him the truth: Their own scientist, Dr. Bluebottle, stole an experimental sub shaped like a whale and stole the money for reasons they don’t know. So since he can go undercover easily, he sends Donald to go with scrooge and slaps a transmitter on him so they can track him. Donald also does some slapstick. That’s my boy. And yes it was a very nice surprise to see him again since i’d forgot he was in this episode. Especially since aside from “The Trickining!” he hasn’t been in any episodes since Ducktales came back. Justifably though as none of those NEEDED him and the show’s massively improved from it’s “donald might as not well exist” days of season 1, I just miss him is all and it’s nice to see some form of him again.  And this is where the episode kinda lost me, as this scheme, while not really out of the bounds of the reality, just.. feels like it overcomplicates the plot for the sake of padding. I mean I buy the Government going iwth a far more complex plan to cover their own asses.. but it would’ve made more sense from a plot standpoint to have it go this way: The Admiral is honest with Scrooge, tells him about bluebottle.. and threatens him into helping them by pointing out he broke into a federal quarantine and defined naval orders and could be brought up on charges, and if he tired telling anyone about Bluebottle could likewise be tried for leaking federal secrets. That way instead of using an unknowing scrooge as bait he goes into the situation KNOWING he’s probably going to get captured and while grumbly about it uses it to his advantage. Donald could still plausibly be sent along as naval lisaon/as a seemingly nice act/to have the bug to track the sub. Instead it just feels like they added an extra uncessary step to things to pad the episode more. I mean if you needed to do that just add more of the sea monster or give launchpad a cameo. He’s been missing for days at this point. 

So Scrooge and family, which naturally includes Webby and Beakly even if I don’t like classic bleakly she’s still family, head out with the second half of his fortune which makes next to no sense when he has days left in the concept and you know, half is missing, but whatever. Naturally the obvious happens and we meet the famous Sea Monster.. which actually looks neat.. it’s drawn like your standard cartoony killer whale but has bits of indents much like a sub would to show it’s not entirely a beast. It’s a nice bit of design work. The whale eats the cash and Donald and Scrooge but the navy pick up the boys, webby and beakly.  Donald let’s things slip on the sub, while back at the carrier the good Admiral explains the rest and my other issues with the plot aside this scene is a good bit of exploition as it explains some obvious questions away cleverly, something this plot could’ve used more of frankly but it’s refreshing to get at least a little: The reason they don’t just attack the sub en masse, besides it being you know incredibly valuable is that it’s made to be torpedo resistant, it’s sonar resitant so they can’t track it easily, and it’s faster than any ship. After all it was made to be a super weapon, so naturally the carriers standard barrage of navy vehicles can’t match it. However again to the episodes credit the tracker is actually vitally important, as it allows them to see the ship and where it is, so they can attack.. though right now their holding off on it since a crewman and a civilian are on board but if it comes down to it they’ll have no choice. I also gotta admit..t his concept is pretty cool. Kind of ridiculous? Sure but a super sub shaped like a whale that can still bite like one and outrun and outlast any other sea vehicle? It’s undoubtly awesome and a point in this episodes favor.  But now we get to most gloriously insane and convoluted part of the episode.. yes NOW we do. Donald and Scrooge naturally sneak around the ship, and find Dr. Bluebottle at his controls, talking to Flintheart on a video monitor. Turns out, to no one’s surprised, Flintheart subcontracted out his plans to Bluebottle and in exchange for keeping the money under the ocean till the contest, Glomgold is going to make sure he gets the Nobel Prize, and covers on all the magazines.  Okay at first I genuinely thought this plan made no sense.. until I realized it does, but ONLY for Glomgold. Bluebottle comes off as the smartest moron that’s ever lived for agreeing to any of this. But I have to give Glommy this the plan works out great for him: He convinces an already Rogue scientist to steal scrooge’s money, which prevents Scrooge from finding out what’s going on as he, correctly, guessed the government would cover this up because of course they did. He then correctly figured either the government would work with scrooge to trap bluebottle or they’d just use scrooge as bait anyway without a formal agreement, thus netting him scrooge’s entire fortune. He knows bluebottle won’t take it up because he gave bluebottle a bribe specifically for him and the only thing he wants, and even if he does take the money, Glomgold has more and Bluebottle could still remotely blow up the sub or something. And if he can’t the Navy would have to hold the sub, and money included , as evidence for the trial. And even if Bluebottle DOES rat him out, Glomgold could easily bury the evidence. The only way glomgold gets caught is if Bluebottle recorded their video chats or if scrooge saw them talking.. which he did, but given the two are direct competitors his testimony is dubious at best as is donald’s. So basically Flintheart almost certainly wins no matter what, and Bluebottle takes the fall no matter what. It does make Bluebottle comeff as a massive moron for not thinking of this, but props to glomgold.  Also yeah.. it’s clear to me at this point that if he hasn’t said it somewhere Frank clearly did the same thing he did with Gyro here with Flintheart: Take one accidental trait from the original (Glomgold’s penchant for overly complicated schemes and Gyro’s tendency to make robots that go rogue.) and make it a part of their personality instead of just a coincidence and turn it up to 11 for hilarity.. which worked in both cases. I genuinely thought this Flintheart was saner but no he’s just less interesting.  So Bluebottle gets an intruder alert.. and turns around to find Scrooge and Donald. Who rather than just whap the guy on the head while his back is turned, just stood there to confront him directly. 

Look this review is running long and is behind, I don’t have more time to marvel over how plot conveniently stupid they are being right now. A fight ensues with blue bottles inventions till Donald threatens to pull a big lever. I’ts thankfully not the self destruct lever like Donald thinks or Bluebottle’s equivlent of the blow up the engine button because he’s clearly just that smart, but a lever to dump all the gold.. which isn’t a terrible idea for once as if the ship gets stalled it can float up, as we’ll naturally see as there was no way they weren’t going to pull this chekov’s lever at some point. Scrooge stops him, Bluebottle uses gadgets to tie both up and finds out about the bug , as that’s why the miltary have been able to attack him which happened but I didn’t get to becuse of all the stupid. Bluebottle snuffs it out and then fully assaults the aircraft carrier, and things look grim. But Scrooge and Donald aren’t put down that easily and escape and scrooge pulls a donald and just starts breaking shit and breaks the sub.  Now with the sub plumiting, and Bluebottle bragging that only he can fix it as the sub will just keep sinking into the ocean’s depths.. and that only it’s design has kept compression from crushing them to death. But Scrooge has another solution and a suprisingly, and badassingly self sacrifical one: He dumps the money into the marinara trench, nice pun, and thus the whale floats up, Bluebottle is arrested, and Glomgold... still wins for now as Scrooge still has to get his fortune out, but Scrooge figures Gyro can help with that. We get an everybody laughs ending and we’re out. 

Final Thoughts: This one is a mess. While it has a great moment here or there, Donald and Tony as him are fantastic as they are now, and of course A Sea Monster Ate My Ice Cream! is an utterly classic scene and an utter joy to watch. The attached episode is just a mess structurally, if still a fun watch. Yes despite my bitching about it the sheer slapped together nature of it means it’s fun to pick apart and make fun of, so it’s not unwatchable. I’ve seen worse episodes of this very show, and worse episodes of tv. But as an old friend would say.

Not a terrible sit, but it easily could’ve been better. I’m also getting tired of scrooge being enitrely usless and just throwing up his hands at times. Stop that he’s better than that. With this one THANKFULLY AND FINALLY out of the way, next up is Aqua Ducks....... 

Oh god. Well if you want to see the next one follow me. If there’s an episode of any animated show you’d like to see me cover classic ducktales, modern ducktales, disney in general, etc, etc, just send me a PM and you can comission a review. 5 bucks for one episode, 15 for a movie and 5 bucks off one episode when you order three or more like say a multiparter like this. Until then say safe, check your house for Busey’s and hopefully we’ll meet again. 

#ducktales #scrooge mcduck #donald duck #bentina beakley #webbigail vanderquack #huey dewey and louie #flintheart glomgold #reviews #review

[qlistening]

Happy Pandemic-iversary

What’s up ladies. It’s around the pandemic-iversary and as you all know, I have appointed myself as head of commenting on shit that has happened during the pandemic and it’s time for a quarterly update. 

If I had to guess, each and every one of you has gone one of two routes since the beginning of last year.

Route 1: Realizing that everything inherently cool and fun would be cancelled and quickly deciding that some factor like your mental health or the quality of your college experience was more important than the social/public health consequences of partying during the pandemic. If you’re feeling attacked right now, worry not party girl. That is not my intention. I myself am a founding member of the “anything to feel something” club and a staunch believer that if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. 

Odds are that if you are in this group, you’re a wee bit entitled and/or your mental health is held together by a very thin thread. Taking away your regularly scheduled social interactions may have unboxed some demons that you would really like to tuck back in. I’m talking depression, anxiety, substance abuse, insecurity, issues with loneliness, etc.  You either used partying to slam the lid shut on that box, or like me, pulled out your demons, worked on them a little, and boxed them back up with more partying when you were over it. 

That’s growth baby! Nothing monumental, but you laid more groundwork for making it through your twenties than you would have otherwise AND you’re in a great position to reenter society when all this is over. Sure you were probably “on the wrong side of history”, but as long as you didn’t kill anyone, you will probably be able to live with yourself.

Route 2: The CDC said jump and you said “how high?”. These are my rule-following girly pops. My caring and empathetic girly pops. And of course, my girly pops who had inescapably valid reasons to avoid the rone at all costs. 

Your year has probably consisted of a mix of being infinitely proud of yourself for doing the right thing, infinitely frustrated with those who did not, and infinitely in denial about how much it sucked. You knew that the second you admitted to yourself that all of the whipped coffee, brisk walks, and zoom happy hours in the world were not going to be enough to keep you happy, you would fall into an inescapable cycle of depression that you had no hope of climbing out of in your isolated state. So you made up bullshit tasks to keep yourself occupied for an entire year.

You are a fucking hero for that, BUT your transition back into real life is not going to be easy. All of those little tasks that you invented have started to feel like legitimate priorities that you are having trouble distinguishing from your real responsibilities. You have to be prepared to let all of that deep cleaning and gourmet cooking go in exchange for going out to bars and showering more than twice a week. And just a tip from the pandemic party girl; socializing is not going to be fun and easy or any more stimulating than those made up tasks at first. But humans are social animals and you need to get in touch with whatever aspect of going out that you used to love so dearly. Whether that was making new friends, relentlessly pursuing some dick, showing off your cute outfits, sweaty dancing, or just getting fucked up, there was a reason you did this shit every weekend and you need to acknowledge it in order to connect with your former self.

Now that I have lumped you into these two different groups, it’s time to talk about the middle of the venn diagram: depression. Whether you hid from that shit at home or at He’s Not, odds are it caught up to you eventually. It was easy to predict that removing the majority of stimulation and fulfillment from life and throwing around the term “uncertain times” for a year would create a sub-pandemic of depressed ass bitches. 

I saw it coming from day one, but that only made it worse. Feeling your motivation and ability to find any means of generating serotonin slip away from you is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet have seen in almost everyone. I thought that seeing this shit coming would protect me from it and I was wrong. When it hit, I was consumed by the same sense of self loathing you feel when a boy fucks you over and you saw it coming, but didn’t have the strength to resist. 

Self loathing and emptiness are some raw fucking feelings and I hope to God that, at the very least, our shared experiences with these emotions has cultivated a broader sense of empathy in our cut-throat society. So far, that hunch has played out in the polls.

Empathy or no empathy, these feelings are still pervasive throughout the world and I’ll be damned if a single bitch with a marketing job was going to miss their chance to capitalize on this. With that, we have the birth of “wellness”. That world is honestly a trigger for me at this point because I, like many of you, was fooled into thinking it would be the antidote to depression. But what it really is is a well played scheme to sell things to people who are down bad and desperate to regain control over their health and well being. Believe me, I understand that this is a natural byproduct of capitalism, but there is something really insidious about an industry with marketing tactics that prey on people’s fear that something is wrong with them and offer them bullshit solutions to fix it.

Reading that back, I realize that is pretty much the textbook definition of marketing, but I’m standing by the fact that it is fucked up. Sorry if that offends anyone.

For all of you ladies who have been dropping bricks on supplements, jade rollers, and overpriced subscriptions to meditation apps, I am here to offer you a reality check. You do not need that shit. Don’t believe me? You don’t have to! Men are living proof that I am right. Most have never taken a vitamin, stretched, meditated, or eaten a vegetable besides corn and are literally fine.

If you want to partake in the wellness trend, fine, but don’t let that shit throw you into a state of body hyper-awareness where you manifest health problems just from worrying about them. Don’t reward the companies who did this to you with your money. And PLEASE do not pass up on the opportunity to do normal twenty-something fuck shit that would actually make you feel better for the sake of your made up health needs. 

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. There is plenty more to comment on, but I have to go outside and smoke my half cigarette before it starts to rain. See y’all next time I am bored enough to write one of these.

[lemon-patches]

A Legacies rant because I’m stuck inside and why the hell not?

WARNING: A disorganized MESS awaits you below.

Alright.

So thanks to the LOVELY coronavirus that’s sweeping the nation, sadly the production of Legacies has been cut short (but I’m still glad that the cast and crew are being, or at least trying to be, safe even if I’m bitter) which means that we’re probably not gonna see the intended ending for season 2 for a very long time assuming that it doesn’t get meshed up into season 3.

That being said, I want so desperately for the season to end with Malivore!Landon (or Mali-Landon as I’ve been calling him in my head and will probably continue to do so for the rest of this post plus we had Simu-Landon so why not) and for him to be the big bad for ALL of season 3. Not just a portion of it till like the midseason finale but the entire freaking season. Not only that, but I want Mali-Landon to be THE villain of the series (to back me up is Ms. Julie Plec herself who said she wanted Malivore to be a prolonged threat) that has a lasting affect for the rest of the show. Like he’s still mentioned in the final season LONG after his season of being The Big Bad was over. I want him to be the freaking Void Stiles of Legacies for all you fellow Teen Wolf stans who know what I’m talking about. Malivore’s already got one hell of a backstory and reputation as being “Eater of the Dark” (one hell of a nickname btw) and even Dark Josie admitted that Mali-Landon would be unstoppable. Could you imagine how feared and terrifying they would be??? One of the few things that I can’t figure out though, is if it would be better/creepier for Mali-Landon to be someone completely different from Landon seeing as it is an entirely different sentient being that would be inhabiting him or for it to be a VENOM kind of situation where Landon’s completely aware of everything but there’s this entire separate being sharing his body and Malivore kinda jumps out at random times of danger or something or for it to be something like the Uncanny Valley.

For those of you who don’t know what it is, I had a hard time understanding it myself and I’m not gonna even attempt to explain it. However, a youtuber named Kennie J.D. (good content btw) explains it best in my opinion so I’m going to quote her words.

“...Like it’s a cute little bunny right? But the closer and closer it looks to like an actual bunny but not quite enough that you can’t tell the difference between It and an actual bunny, that right before, it’s called the Uncanny Valley where it’s just freakin. Creepy.”

In this scenario, Landon would be the bunny and Mali-Landon would be the thing trying to emulate it.

Moving on...

Just like here me out, what if while in Landon’s body, Malivore still retained his abilities of absorbing people (case in point, Clarke when he absorbed that eighties chick in 2x05) and whatever the heck else he can do but also retained all of Landon’s powers but ALSO had the powers of whatever creatures he’s absorbed (which was all of them except for witches, vampires, and werewolves but WHOO, I will get to that in a minute) which would make him this epic, cocktail, melting pot, blend of supernatural creatures? It was said that he was able to absorb genetic material which did create Landon in the first place. (It’s also stated in the Legacies wiki) 

And before anyone calls me out saying that they can’t drag on that plot line for an entire season. Hear me out. So Landon’s possessed right? So what if Mali-Landon decides to go undercover for majority of the time (until the mid-season finale or a little before that, whatever) trying not only to get used to having a body, and using his powers but also gaining intel on the Tribrid (Hi Hope) the only other being in existence who has a chance of permanently killing him? But what would be his prime motivation you ask? What makes him the Big Bad? 

Liiiisten...

Cause here’s where things start to get a little jumbled because I have way too many ideas.

In 1x15 it was revealed that the original creators of Malivore created him to have an insatiable hunger right? But also that he couldn’t hurt any of those species right? So what if the entire time Mali-Landon is just searching for a way to break the curse because while he’s technically alive and surviving, he is absolutely starving and he just goes insane with this overwhelming desire to consume because that’s what he was literally made for. He’s already absorbed all the other creatures leaving those three species for him to feast on...and humans...but humans are always a casualty in this universe. It can be even be framed that he breaks the curse in the mid-season finale leading to all hell breaking loose in 3B.

Also, could you IMAGINE the tension he’d have with Hope and vice-versa? Like Hero Hope would be aching to dissolve him but he’s inhabiting Landon so whatever hurt him would hurt Landon. On the flip-side Mali-Landon just wants to get rid of the threat of the tribrid but if he kills her she’ll be more powerful and all the more ready to kill them. Plus it’s already been seen and confirmed that Malivore can’t stand consuming her so from the minute Hope found out the truth to like, the end of the season, it would be this ongoing, tense, unwanted stalemate between the two of them. Like “I desperately want to kill you but for my own personal reasons I need you alive.”

And could you imagine what it would be like if the two of them had to team up for an episode? It’d literally be the team-up from hell.

Furthermore, Mali-Landon could just continuously encourage and undermine Handon’s relationship (whether they’re still together or not) in the sense of “how could you hook up with the one person who could kill you” but also “then again, it’s gonna make it that much harder for you to kill me isn’t it? At least while I have his face.” Because if Mali-Landon had access to all of Landon’s memories he could be throwing manipulative emotional bombs to everyone, especially Hope and her survivor’s guilt and savior complex. It’s already been proven that Malivore’s a smart and patient golem so just think about it.

It was also said that Malivore had his moments of compassion like when he spared Seylah (sorta) and Ted the Necromancer (sorta) but other than those few moments of kindness he’d be this manipulative, cold, selfish, chaos creating mastermind who only ever gave a shit about consuming. (And maybe reproducing but that’s a different plot line that I am too lazy for)

Anyways, it’s 2:30am now. Should I have written this? No clue but it’s done now and it was fun. If you actually read all of this you are all kinds of awesome. Stand Mali-Landon for great entertainment. Will happily take questions or opinions.

Okay I’m done. 

You’re free.

#couldn't find any malivore gifs #Legacies #theory #rant #Landon Kirby #Malivore #Hope Mikaelson #Handon #Josie Saltzman #Lizzie Saltzman #Alaric Saltzman #Milton Greasley #Kaleb Hawkins #Rafael Waithe #EVERYBODY'S INVOLVED IN THIS #whether they like it or not #Mali-Landon

[pfenniged]

3, 7, 9, 15, 18

booknet ask game (Apologies for the delay!):

3. what was the last book you rated 1/5? 

Probably this horrific and justifiably priced 0.25 cent paperback I got from the library book sale. I care so little about the title I’m not even going to bother getting up to look at it, but basically it was somehow involving a mystery on a liner heading to New York, and The Kennedys circa 1941 when Joe (’God what a terrible person’) Kennedy was ambassador to England (And casual Nazi supporter/isolationist, lovely).

But the book promises you that it will mostly talk about Rosemary Kennedy as a character. Which I liked, because in case you don’t know, Rosemary Kennedy was JFK’s sister who was considered the ‘prettiest’ of all the Kennedy girls, but also constantly was on a diet because she ‘put on weight easily’ (Poor girl), and because she was seen as ‘simple.’ Supposedly when she was in her early twenties, she had the mental capacities or a naive thirteen year old/ writing level of an eight year old. They kept basically shoving her into boarding schools to try to push her forward in terms of education, but obviously when she most likely had something like a severe case of autism, there weren’t exactly many programs that directly addressed those who were learning disabled, and being a Kennedy, they most likely were like PUSH HER THROUGH IT AND SHE’LL BE FINE (Great, thanks guys).

All this being said, there is proof in terms of letters that basically everyone was afraid, because once she became a teenager, she started running away from these schools or sneaking out late at night, and they were literally worried because of how ‘naive’ she was, that she’d end up getting pregnant by some weirdo guy forcing himself on her/ convincing her to have sex. What most normal people/historians think now, is that she saw her brother being John F. Kennedy, El Primo Playboy of the World 1941, dating movie stars and having a buttload of friends (As my older brother used to say), and she obviously wanted to be involved in this glamorous, fun life with the rest of her family, rather than shoved away at some crappy boarding school with nuns the age of time immemorial (Understandable). (Also, for what it’s worth, JFK basically WAS a great older brother, for what I’ve heard, and wanted his parents to loosen up on her. He involved her in his social groups if she was around and never pushed her into anything that someone with her ‘limitations’ might be hurt by).

So of course the natural thing would be to do is to give her a lobotomy so she doesn’t run away, and of course, it had some horrific side effects and basically killed her personality entirely from all accounts, making her basically a human vegetable with only a shadow of the person she’d been before. After that Joe ‘I’m the Worst’ Kennedy carted his daughter off, and debatably, depending on who you ask, she was basically ignored by most of the family for 60+ years of her living in a care home, or embraced in private (The Kennedy message/propaganda/nice try guys). There’s really only consistent public photos of Ted Kennedy visiting her, because besides the whole ‘I accidentally murdered a woman I was having an affair with’ thing, Ted was the baby and seemed actually like ironically the most ‘Christian’ in the most broadest sense of the word besides Bobby Kennedy (Yes, I know they’re Catholic, it’s an analogy).

So bringing this back to this awful book, the ‘mystery’ on the cruise liner shit basically seemingly revolves around Rosemary pre-lobotomy and how she wants to get married to a ‘coloured jazz man.’ BUT THIS NEVER FACTORS INTO THE PLOT. NONE OF THE HISTORICAL FIGURES ABOARD DO EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE ‘POV’ CHAPTERS ASIDE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS.

You heard me right. xD I KNOW IT’S THE 1940S IN THE BOOKS AND THERE’S FAR WORSE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DONE AND THE JAZZ MAN IS NICE AND ALL BUT DAMN IT’S SORT OF THE WORST, BECAUSE THEY BASICALLY MAKE THIS THE ENTIRE REASON FOR HER LOBOTOMY AND WHILE THEORETICALLY IT WOULD FIT IN WITH JOE’S MOTIVATIONS HISTORICALLY, IT JUST CAME OFF AS SUPER SKEEZY AND UGH. Mostly the book A) Actually did a considerable job giving Rosemary a sweet and loving personality that you like, but considering what you know if you’re probably reading this book and how they’re just dropping bread crumbs the entire way through, it’s just incredibly morbid and bleh. 

If you’re going to write historical characters and fiction well, at least have something more to back it up than ‘Racism was more (outwardly) prevalent back then so she was going to be in an interracial relationship so lobotomy.” It just came off as conflating two important issues (The rights of the learning disabled to date and have families of their own, and interracial romances versus status in society), and just came out to justify it for a lobotomy we never even see. (Trust me, I’m making it sound far more interesting than it is).

Plus the mystery on the liner is the main aspect of the story, and I think that’s what makes it the worst: This author just chose to have these random historical figures on BECAUSE, and considering Rosemary’s background and what we know happened to her, it just seemed like a pretty desperate ploy to reel people in (like myself), and have them go, “Wait, this is just a sub-par mystery book, not a historical mystery book: She used that whole actual living person who existed and who was screwed over by her own family as ‘shock value’ and a ‘hook’ for the audience.” Double EW.

7. what was the last book that made you cry? 

Indian Horse by Richard Wagamese, who is unfortunately no longer with us but a BEACON of Canadian Literature, and I'm SO sad he didn’t get to write more books, because his writing style is BEAUTIFUL and poetic.

“Saul Indian Horse is an alcoholic Ojibway man who finds himself the reluctant resident of an alcohol treatment centre after his latest binge. To come to peace with himself, he must tell his story. Richard Wagamese takes readers on the often difficult journey through Saul's life, from his painful forced separation from his family and land when he's sent to a residential school to the brief salvation he finds in playing hockey. The novel is an unflinching portrayal of the harsh reality of life in 1960s Canada, where racism reigns and Saul's spirit is destroyed by the alienating effects of cultural displacement.”

What you also don’t get about the book from this review, is the role hockey plays as being central to the narrative. In that moment, and when Saul is young, inside his own head, he is just what we as the reader see him as: A young boy who loves a sport and finds it freeing. A PERSON. A kid who loves hockey. 

He’s so good that he has a chance to make it to the NHL. He’s good enough to play on the ‘white teams,’ but when he starts beating white players, grown men and women throw things at him, like plastic ‘Indians’ from a ‘Cowboy and Indian’ set. 

He is a skilled player. He has raw talent. But to make it to the next level, and because they won’t let him be on the team in any other role, because a Native man can’t become a skilled star in 1960s Canada, he has to become a ‘goon.’ There’s actually a moment in the book where he snaps, and it’s so well written and heartbreaking, where it’s like this Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde dynamic inside of him, where he literally just goes, “Okay? You want me to be a bloodthirsty ‘Indian’? Then I’ll be that for you.”

There’s also a movie I haven’t had the guts to watch all the way through, because I tried watching it on a plane ride from Australia to Canada without actually having read the book first, and having no idea what the movie was about aside from hockey and Indigenous culture, and Jesus Christ IT KILLED ME. I’m terrible at flying, had been throwing up and thoroughly miserable for about three hours at that point on the plane, tried to turn on a movie to distract myself, and within ten minutes, I was like “No, I think sticking to the vomiting is justified.” (To give you an idea of the directing style, it’s bizarrely produced by uber-Republican yet ‘weirdly-obsessed with Indigenous people’ movie star Clint Eastwood. If you’ve seen his other films and how sparse and depressing they can be, you can only IMAGINE what this material lends itself to. So I’d really stick to reading the book first. Because Wagamese’s voice is so much stronger within the book, and the pain and horror poor Saul is exposed to serves a purpose within the larger narrative much more clearly, and even when he is an alcoholic, he still is able to find hope within himself and returning to his people, and that’s a beautiful thing that I think was lost in the portions of the film I was able to catch.) Check it out: It was only written in 2012, but it’s already being heralded as a ‘classic’ in Canadian Indigenous Literature.

9. do you actually check out books that have been recommended for you?

I do. I might not actually READ them, but I’ll at least check out a snippet on Amazon to see if it’s my cup of tea. So if anyone has any recommendations, go right on ahead <3

15. how do you feel about reading buddies?  

I would love a reading buddy! <3 Feel free to message me if you’re keen. <3

18. what was your favourite book when you were 10?

Probably something by Roald Dahl or The Hobbit, if we’re talking sheer escapism or enjoyment (Or the original run of Harry Potter). My Dad is an English teacher, so I was always reading older books than were probably age-appropriate (I was placed at a college-reading level at twelve on an assessment test), so other than that, a lot of classic literature: Just name it, I’ve probably read it. 

I also was a nerd who decided to read the entire dictionary back to front somewhere around this time and copy down all the words I actually didn’t know on a list, so that was a hobby. xD I guess I could count that as a ‘favourite book.’ (-Insert Homer Simpson “NEEeeeRRRddddd” gif here-).

#asteriah #sorry this took too long bb! <3 #answers #personal #literature

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 31: You Can’t Spell Marriage Without Mai

First off, when I got to this episode, I turned to my bro and said “WHAT” and he said “Right? This episode is the best. It’s all down from here” and I was like “YOU SAID THAT TWO EPISODES AGO” so now I know Bro can never be trusted.

If you had told me the plot of this episode before I watched it, I’d say “no, that is Mario Party Fanfiction, and you’ve changed all the names.” That is where this episode went.

Does Mario Party Fanfic exist? Quick Google search, one moment. Dear Lord. OK, I’m back.

Now guys I want you to know that every time a ship comes up in Yugioh, I write like...10k words about it, math equations appearing around my head, as I try to figure out what the freakin hell anyone is even doing and if the writers even know what they’re doing, and I’ll just promptly delete it. I just want you to know the service I do for you. Every time it comes up I start ranting about what the hell an ancient Egyptian would even understand about modern romance and then I stop myself and go “No! Focus!” and I’ll Ctrl-A and I’ll just *delete* and feel a burden lift off my shoulders and into the ceiling like a prayer.

And then this episode happened?

And I’m just like...

...

well I TRIED to spare you.

Please admire how many people they stuffed into Mai’s very small convertible. I half expected them to drive up to Kiki’s Delivery Service.

In case you’ve also forgotten something that happened 40 episodes ago, Mai saved Joey last season by giving him a McGuffin as well as a gross ass handkerchief (which he doesn’t have anymore, the whole 'will they ever return the gross ass handkerchief’ plotline seems to have left the building) and finally, here, halfway through S2 we’re going to actually address why Mai would have any compassion for this bundle of awful kids.

I mean, Joey is still in high school and Mai is like 24 (although some say 44???) so I’m pretty sure they were trying to make it seem platonic or motherly between these two but eh, I don’t even know with this show, man. I mean she and Joey are 8 years apart but Serenity is 4 years Tristan’s junior despite Mokuba being 1 year younger than her and like right there. (Mokuba’s like 12 by the way, something surprising I found out when I did a Google Deep Dive on everyone’s canonical weight a few episodes ago.) And then Pharaoh is like either 5000 or 16-ish depending on who’s asking, so age doesn’t seem to be ever an inhibiting factor in this show.

But as is Yugioh tradition, any space that could possibly be filled with any growth between a boy and a girl--even platonically--must be absolutely derailed by something exploding.

(read more under the cut)

Stepping out from inside of this limousine is a man who wears sunglasses at night, and so at first I thought “oh hell it’s Pegasus’ security, he’s back” But he’s...he’s not. I really, really wish it were.

Joey literally wiped his hand off on the ass of his jeans before trying to shake the hand of this guy he has never mentioned before in his life but swears is his favorite person in the world.

Jean wisely left him hanging.

Joey is SO ready to see a ship in this show actually do something. So ready, that he is willing to accept Mai and this rando we’ve never seen before as canon, despite the fact I’m pretty sure a chunk of last season was trying (rather unsuccessfully) to pair him up with Mai?

It’s not where I expected this episode to go! I really thought we were going to go and play a tourney? We were meeting up with Kaiba at a stadium one block away - he’s just sitting there on his big ass dragon shaped chair and like “omg the moment I walk away they get completely distracted, every single time.”

Anyways, lets get to a flashback where very fancy people in pastel suits were playing cards because apparently cards isn’t just for streetfighting.

I have been wading through 1.5 seasons of these characters doing these elaborate dances around each other to never ever speak a word of commitment or relationship, and I’ve been pretty OK with them doing that. Honestly, the less romance in my Yugioh, the more satisfied I am, but then, after 1.5 seasons of basically nothing but Serenity wearing some bandages and needing a lift from the hospital, suddenly we have this random guy show up and profess marriage, and it is the most whiplash this show has ever given me.

I will accept demonic weird ass devices threatening children, spooky magic, bad history, and all sorts of weird ass outfits but like marraige???? wtf?????

Which is something that Mai seems to know because she turned him right down as you should when a person you’ve never met before decides to marry you based on your ability to coordinate cards in a deck.

Joey honestly thinks being a rich star will automatically make you marriageable material, because I guess Joey completely forgot about Seto Kaiba, a very famous billionaire who is maybe one of the least marriageable people on the planet.

So what gets me about this episode and what makes it so freakin weird is that everyone here accepts this as the rules from this point on.

She MUST be married if Mai enters and then loses this game. Welcome to the Yugioh universe. This is how card people dating works. This is law, she has to accept this proposal if this card game based on chance loses.

Anyways, Yugi’s here to be the voice of reason in a dating episode and that’s something I didn’t expect to write in a sentence.

Yes, his motive was “Mai, this will take too long” not “Mai, you don’t know this guy, and he’s probably crazy” it was “Mai please, I know the world will end when I enter this tourney and so you have nothing to lose and it’s the best time to marry a stranger actually, but can you not? It’s taking SO LONG.”

Duke Devlin in the back still trying helplessly to keep up with what the hell is going on since he wandered on this team by complete accident four episodes ago.

And yes, it’s THIS that makes Joey not like this guy. Not the part where he proposed out of the blue, nearly ran over them with his car, stalked Mai for like a year, and then completely disregarded Mai’s common sense. No--this part, where he threatened to kick Mai out of the competition. That was the low blow to Joey.

You will lose this duel and gain a husband.

That is an actual line from the show, folks, this show went places.

aaaaand Mai starts losing right away.

DAMN

IT.

This is the one thing I thought was pretty much in the bag. That there would not be the concept of one of these characters getting married. That was the One thing I was sure of. But I was not only wrong, but this is like the most bizarre wedding I’ve ever seen on TV. It’s basically a shotgun wedding but with cards???

And what makes this more bizarre, and it was something I only noticed after watching this episode, is that we’ve seen this type of behavior before. But at the time, back in the beginning of this season I was just like “that was just a really weird thing that happened that wouldn’t possibly be accepted as normalized in this universe.”

Like, remember that creepy DDR guy who dueled Yugi so that if he beat Yugi in a match, that creepy guy would become Tea’s boyfriend despite never spending more than 2 minutes with either of them? That despite the fact that Yugi isn’t even her boyfriend, it was like something all three of them were like “I guess I have to go through with this now.” At the time I just assumed that was an insane thing that happened. I just assumed that would never come back.

This was the episode where suddenly I realized, maybe the big issue with these kids dating is a hell of a lot more than just actually going on dates. Maybe it’s because I didn’t understand what their love language is. It’s not Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, and for sure as hell isn’t Physical Touch, it’s the 6th, not very often talked about love language, that’s right, it’s Cards. Rewrite everything, Gary Chapman. Tear it all down and reshoot all those Ted Talks, we forgot something.

Like, sometimes I forget that these guys live in a universe controlled by cards. I mean we’ve seen cards and romance intermingle twice. (three times, if you count Rebecca, who might be engaged to Yugi now? It was kind of a really weird ending to a card game) Pegasus even tried to resurrect his dead wife through cards. All these cards currently exist because of Pegasus’ undying love for Cecilia (who is...OMG I forgot that chick might be alive somewhere)

What I’m saying is that...What if this is how they’ve actually dated this whole time? What if this whole time that I assumed no one was dating they......they actually...were? What if I just didn’t notice, because it was just so freakin weird? What if this is more like how in a Jane Austen novel, if someone goes on a walk with someone else it’s basically like 3rd base?

Like, remember Jane Austen’s Persuasion, where Captain Wentworth went on a walk with Louisa and she was like “hey catch me, I’m 14 years old!” and then she tripped off a wall and got a concussion and he was like “DAMN IT! Now I have to marry her!” and everyone was like “Well congrats on getting married, Louisa.” and then she fell in love with a sad poet who gave her soup once while Captain Wentworth was getting his nuptials planned out in Bath and so Louisa dumped Captain Wentworth’s sorry ass and he was like “OH THANK YOU. YOU ARE SO 14.” And then sad soup man showed up in Bath while Wentworth and the rest of Louisa’s family was quickly crossing out “Wentworth” on all the marriage invitations and sad soup man was like “Before Louisa, I was in love with this other chick, but she died, so I’m pretty stoked I found Louisa.” and Captain Wentworth was like “You’re such an asshole for cheating on your dead girlfriend, I would never do that, you ass!” and then immediately married Anne Wentworth by writing her one single letter saying “hey, want to get married Y/N?” despite the fact that he went well out of his way to avoid her the entire book?

What if that’s been going on in the background of Yugioh but I just didn’t know because, unlike Persuasion, I never took a college class on Yugioh Dating Customs so I have no idea when it ever happens.?

See, this is the stuff I usually delete but like psh whatever, it’s a dating episode, so for once this isn’t a tangent, and yes, I am reading too much into this, thank you.

Anyway, after Joey asks Yugi what to do and then telephones what Yugi just told him to Mai enough times, Mai beats Jean Claud Magnum and avoids a lifetime of...whatever that would have been like.

However, something is off about that game and it takes a card wizard to explain it to us although it was...........really obvious.

This is the third time someone on this show was abducted by a ninja net.

She gets kidnapped by a guy in a ninja jet suit contraption and this is her reaction!? Freakin lucid dream what the hell?

This is the weirdest show I’ve ever watched. Not so much because it has stuff other shows don’t have, but because it forces me to have these expectations of what I think it is and then, once I get comfortable, completely changes it. Last episode Bakura murdered 3 established characters in a graveyard. Like, not even random people, Bakura murdered 3 named people with funny accents we’ve known since last season. That was already completely insane for a kid’s show to do. But rather than address whatever the hell is going on with Bakura, we’re just going to add more to the pot and throw in this crazy asshole, too. For kicks.

Like this is a filler episode somehow? This filler episode would be an entire season of any other kid’s show.

So this episode ends with Mai hanging from a flag pole in a miniskirt, but it’s not like anyone in this city would ever peek their nose out of their window to see what the hell is going on, so at least she doesn’t have to worry about upskirting an entire town. Just these two people.

And like, Joey’s such a mess in that head anyway that like who freakin cares? He’ll probably wake up tomorrow without any memory of yesterday thanks to possession, drowning, getting beat up, tied up, and then this oncoming concussion.

I’m pretty sure she should have stabbed him right through with this duel disk?

(the dialogue really does imply that if he had done this himself she would have been cool with it. How freakin weird is Mai?)

And then he just lets her go? Makes you wonder if it was an abduction or just a game he thought she would enjoy? I don’t know. This episode was all over the place. I mean...maybe he really thought she’d like getting caught in a net and being flown all around Domino? I don’t freakin know.

Like, in my opinion she was stalked for over a year and abducted with several witnesses. But, no one is calling the cops. So like...was this weird to them? This was very weird to us...but like...maybe Mai was like “hm, that was a so-so date.” because this type of behavior is just how this universe does?

....

....

Yugioh, are you OK?

Anyways, next week:

Is the tourney cancelled because after episodes and episodes of tangents, no one ever freakin shows up and Kaiba has to go back to school to do a Chem final? Does Duke Devlin ever even do anything? Does it take 20 minutes for Bakura to walk through security because he keeps setting off the metal detector with his invisible necklace that he can never take off?

#Yugioh #yugioh recap #photo recap #s2 ep31 #Mai Valentine #Yugi Muto #Jean Claud Magnum #joey wheeler #serenity wheeler #Tea Gardner #tristan taylor #duke devlin #marriage #real talk what type of cut even was that diamond

[lethesomething]

Why Sousuke deserves everything

Ok, listen. I need one thing to happen in Dive to the Future, and that is for Sousuke to catch a friggin break. That is all I need. Swimming is nice, the cameos are nice, I'm happy to see all my faves back and being adorable but. BUT. Give Sousuke his arc. Let him find happiness and a future because so far you (KyoAni) have failed him.

What follows in my TED talk is a full breakdown  of the Free! Timeline (I don't even know man, it needs out) and why it has just been mean to Sousuke from the start.

Because that timeline goes far. It starts in friggin elementary school where (this is mostly from the ligh novel High Speed) Rin pretty much abandons Sousuke (and Gou, and his mom, - and Kisumi but no one cares about him) to go live with his gran in Iwatobi so he can go to school with Mako and Haru, and to their swim club, because he 'finally found a guy he wants to swim relays with'. I have a picture of baby Sousuke's face when Rin tells him that he found a team he wants to be part of.

‘Bitch, I thought I was your best friend.’ (Sousuke, probably)

So baby Rin bursts onto the scene in Iwatobi Elementary, and drags the other two (and Nagisa) into a relay by talking about teams and the importance of friendship. And Rin being Rin, he makes an impact, upsetting the fragile balance of Mako and Haru's weirdly codependent relationship for the first time (if you pay attention, he'll do this a lot).

Things aren't made any easier by Haru nearly frigging DROWNING in a river in front of Makoto and Rin, triggering an old trauma, where Makoto witnessed the funeral of an entire ship's worth of fishermen. The whole thing makes Makoto realize that he's terrified of water, always has been, and the only reason he swims is because he likes hanging out with Haru (Makoto gets messed up pretty badly in the light novel, guys). Anyway.

Makoto deals, somehow, because power of friendship.

Haru learns what it means to have a true rival and gets finds his inner fighting spirit.(he’s honestly quite a passive character and a lot of the series’ runtime deals with him finding motivation)

Rin gets his relay.

And then he immediately takes off to Australia, leaving nothing behind but a buried trophy and a rock that says 'for the team'. I have a picture of people's reaction when he tells them he’s leaving.

'Aren't we friends?' (literal dialogue in the light novel)  

Enter High Speed, Starting Days.

Haru and Makoto go to middle school, where they end up meeting Kisumi, and everyone is sad. They join the school swim club, thereby basically abandoning Nagisa, who is now in Iwatobi SC by his friggin self, and they're coaxed into swimming a new relay to learn that you can make new friends and team mates.

In this process:

Kisumi tries to get everyone into the basketball club and fails miserably

Asahi has to get over his performance anxiety

Ikuya deals with his issues with his brother Natsuya and decides to break down at least some of the walls isolating his little tsun ass

Makoto tries to grow an individual personality but is basically told by Haru to cut it out (I'm paraphrasing but that 'Makoto is Makoto' thing is a very weird scene, it's a 'be yourself and don't force it' kinda thing but let Makoto try for frig's sake)

Haru has to contend with being Too Popular and learns to, sort of, get over his weird crush on Rin to swim with new peoples and win.

Everyone gets kindly advice from Nao, and they band together and win (yay!)

It's about at this point that Sousuke shows up again, with a letter from Rin, written to Haru but sent to Sousuke (because that guy doesn't already feel like plan B, surely). Rin and Haru sort of both resolve to keep swimming with the ideal image of the other in their mind.

And then in between seasons shit goes down.

Ikuya and Asahi leave Iwatobi.

Haru meets Rin randomly when he's visiting his family, and they have a race. Haru wins.

This spurs on Rin's complete breakdown and he stops writing letters to, like, anyone (including Sousuke, because of course).

Haru and Mako quit the swim club and Makoto takes up basketball (so at least Kisumi get something out of this).

Iwatobi Swim Club (the one where it all started) just straight up goes bankrupt and shuts down entirely.

 We are on Free! Iwatobi Swim Club

and everyone is sad (again, but since this is the first anime season to come out, you know, whatever).

Haru and Makoto are in their second year of high school, Haru lives by himself and the only reason he's a somewhat functioning human being is because Makoto mothers the heck out of him. He doesn't even appreciate it. Nagisa shows up and has conveniently forgotten that he's one of the first people everyone always abandons. He drags the others to the ruins of Iwatobi SC to dig up their old relay trophy thing before the building is torn down. Also Rin is back in the country and being an utter drama queen (I love Rin, I do, but boy is theatrical). He shows up at the same written-off swim club and immediately challenges Haru, the both of them abandoning Nagisa and Makoto, because fated rivalry.

Not even kidding about the immediate ditching thing.

Anyway. Mako, Haru and Nagisa start a new swim club at school and pull Rei into it, and the lot of them relearn the power of friendship.

While they're doing this:

Makoto is a self-sacrificing idiot who faces some of his worst fears (the ocean, remember) in order to not be a burden on the team. It's bad enough that a pre-character development Rin lowkey worries.

Haru struggles with his talent, in the sense that he feels guilty about Rin's emotional state, thinking it’s his fault Rin lost his enthusiasm.

Rin is redeemed because he suddenly realizes he likes these people after all, and winning isn't everything.

Rei learns how to friggin swim from scratch, works super hard and then when they make it to nationals as a relay team, he GIVES UP his place to Rin, because Makoto is far from the only self-sacrificial idiot in this series.

The team is rightfully disqualified, but they learned something? They at least resolved some of their issues. Even Iwatobi SC is reinstated. Everyone is happy!

Which lasts like a few weeks.

Because in Eternal Summer, Haru and Makoto are now third years and as Rin mentions, should figure out what to do about their future. This leads to a lot of the issues they had at the start of middle school. Also: Sousuke shows up again. This guy is still desperately trying to get Rin to friggin notice him, senpai, so he joins the guy's school and swim team despite being injured. And Sousuke at this point has spent most of his teenage years being vaguely angry/jealous of Haru, and overworking himself to be 'good enough' for Rin to see him as a team mate and he! finally! gets! to! be? Only he RUINS his shoulder in the process because self-care has just gone completely out of the window at this point.

I guess it was worth it if he's giving that look.

What else happens in Eternal Summer:

Rei continues to be the sweetheart that this world does not deserve, but gets to swim in a relay with his own friggin team for once. Also Rin teaches him all the other strokes.

Nagisa briefly runs away from home because the kid has it rougher than people realize, it’s just we were all busy worrying about Haru.

Makoto finds his calling in being a swim teacher

Haru doesn’t know what to do with his life, despite being, you know, a swimming prodigy. Everyone and their mother try to talk some sense into him. 

Haru and Makoto try, again, to address their codependent relationship, it doesn't go well.

Despite the visuals.

But somehow, through an extended intervention, this is all neatly resolved in time for the relay final at nationals.

And what's nice here is that Mako and Sousuke seem to really mirror each other. They're both tol self-sacrificing idiots who have some serious jealousy issues about their best friend and his fated rival. Only Makoto actually gets to hang out with his reluctant, badly communicating friend. Sousuke, despite giving up his own abilities, and despite mentioning some kind of emotional closure, doesn't really get shit.

And THEN

In Dive to the Future, everyone seems to be mildly grown up. They're almost all in college (I'm so happy for Nagisa that he found Rei because at least Rei appreciates that ball of sunshine and he's not alone now). Makoto has ?given up? swimming?, but now Ikuya is back and dealing with almost the exact same issue he had in middle school (like I realize this is realistic, and people don't just evolve in a straight line but Ikuya pls). So he's probably gonna get the friendship treatment, again.

Honestly, the only one even remotely stable in this entire series is Kisumi and no one seems to like him.

But most importantly: Sousuke appears to not be in college. He appears to not be taking over his father's restaurant, which is something that was hinted at in Eternal Summer. He's just mostly bumming, hanging out at his old high school like a loser and failing (again! still!) to write letters to his best friend (who f*cked off to Australia again).

I mean. Honey. Sweetie. You deserve better than this. I need you, in this season, to be more tan a simple side character there to hand out plot points. I need a bunch of people to get together and pull you up. I need you to find that self-confidence and get your shit together because really, it's been twelve years and everyone else has gotten over it multiple times by now. I'm begging  you.

#free! #free dive to the future #sousuke yamazaki #don't get me wrong #i love this series to death #the new season seems to have resurfaced some buried emotions #and i'm dealing #ok #but sousuke pls

[thor-suggestion]

So this is for @queencfthestarsdrfoster who asked my opinion on a very a/nti-Thor post. Because I don’t engage with a/ntis, I am not replying to the post directly. Instead, here is my opinion on why I feel most aggressively a/nti-Thor topics stem from a complete lack of understanding for his character and his development. And, just as a general disclaimer, I really don’t care if you hate Thor; that’s your right. I just have a lot of issues with a lot of the arguments surrounding it.

I ask that you do not reblog this, because I really don’t want to engage with any a/ntis. 

Some of the things that were listed were, “he has a tendency to point his finger at other people and seeing things only in black and white”, “he himself invaded realms and caused wars”, “he bullies and intimidates Loki”, “he is narcissistic and entitled” and “he isn’t a hero if he needs motivation to do something”

Thor is shown changing and growing through every movie. A huge key in Thor’s personality is that he is constantly changing. This is very evident from his behavior in Thor 1 vs Infinity War. People tend to fault him whenever he does something that isn’t deemed appropriate, forgetting that Thor has had to do almost all his learning by himself. Both Loki and Thor are young, and from what I observed in Thor 1 it’s pretty safe to say they’ve lived a relatively sheltered life. On top of that, besides maybe Frigga (who isn’t mentioned having much hand on Thor) they don’t have very many strong guiding hands; especially when it comes to respect and humility. Most of Thor’s learning and growing as a ‘better’ person occurs after he was able to break away from Asgard and was able to see past his views that were ingrained in to him from childhood. Thor has more unlearning to do then he does learning at this point, which sometimes can be even harder.

Whenever Thor does something or says something that is inappropriate or harmful there is never anyone behind him saying, “hey, maybe you shouldn’t do that”. A lot of times he has to learn by outcome. Thor’s intentions have never been malicious, and often times he is unable to see what he is doing wrong because of the lack of direction. Is it shitty? Yes. But the issue is that it’s a slow unlearning process that he has to deal with almost entirely on his own and through self-awareness after the fact.

Which leads me to the Loki topic. I don’t know how many posts I see saying he is abusive towards Loki, as if Loki is completely free of blame. Thor grows and changes, and like Thor called Loki out during Ragnarok, Loki stays the same. The difference between Thor and Loki is that Thor changes when a negative outcome occurs, whereas Loki tends to continue. Loki actively acts violently and maliciously and sows a lot of anger and chaos and has a tendency to take pleasure in it. People like to get on Thor and say he pushes Loki around and tries to intimidate and bully him, but Loki is seen doing the same. How would you like someone going around and literally stabbing you constantly, even once you’ve expressed your distaste for it? Loki has consistently put Thor in positions that were unpleasant if not incredibly dangerous, without taking any sort of blame for it, and proceeding to do similar things. It’s frustrating to say the absolute least. 

Loki and Thor at times actually have quite a toxic relationship, and it is not one-sided in any shape of form. Yes, Thor has said and done some shitty things, but it’s not exclusive to him by any means and there is some reasoning behind it. They’re both shitty and toxic towards each other, and again, I believe it comes from the lack of proper upbringing. 

And I can’t believe this is even an argument, but because of Infinity War, a new argument is “he isn’t a hero if he needed motivation” (aka losing everything/Loki dying) And frankly, I think you need to ask yourself “is this consistent to the character? Or is this lazy writing?” Thor is shown to help out when needed, regardless of whether or not it benefited him or directly affected him. A good example is the Ultron incident. Just because one movie *coughs* Infinity War.... decided to change his motivation doesn’t automatically change his whole character. I have a hard time buying if Asgard and everyone was safe from harm and in one piece that he wouldn’t go help. No. He still has people he calls friends on Earth and he still finds value in life (which is the whole point of Thor 1). If anything this “motivation” just made him reckless (ei. not going for the head). You can still fight for something and have ‘motivation’ or ‘reason’ and not have it be exclusive to it (aka still fighting because it’s right)

Listen, I am not justifying everything Thor does. Like I said, he still does a lot of things that aren’t acceptable, but as I said before it’s an unlearning and learning process that he has mostly taken on alone. He is a complex being with complex emotions and reasoning just like everyone else and will act on emotion and instinct as well; the same way every other character has. And it’s as if people like to ignore this and criticize him as if he’s suppose to be perfect. Which, he’s not, and that was established from Thor 1 with his bratty behavior and absolutely poor, impulsive decisions, that lead to his banishment which resulted in him being able to branch out and begin seeing things differently.

TL;DR: If you genuinely feel Thor is a bad person and you can’t see the fact that he is ever changing and growing then you have no concept of his character or development and pulling the ‘Loki is pure’ card is not helping anyone. Both are the product of a toxic upbringing that they both have to unlearn and be better from and it comes from personal growth and it’s a challenge they have mostly had to take on alone.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

#please do not r/eblog #this is a readmore post #this is the short version too damn sorry #ooc;

[aion-rsa]

Screenwriter Ed Solomon on Soderbergh, Noir, and How Bill & Ted Saved His Career

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Steven Soderbergh’s noir crime feature, No Sudden Move, is set in 1954 Detroit: back when automakers drove the city and mobsters rotated their tires. This isn’t just another heist movie from the director of Ocean’s 11, even though it centers on a big score and hosts an impressive cast. Don Cheadle and Benicio Del Toro play two small-time criminals hired to steal a document which is very valuable to some powerful people. It’s a big-ticket item which can revolutionize the auto industry, and the price keeps going up.

For the movie, Soderbergh colludes with the Big Four Automakers to cloud the atmosphere. The caper careens through a smoggy set of turns, picking up passengers like Ray Liotta, Jon Hamm, David Harbour, Brendan Fraser, and Bill Duke (in killer shades) for a wild ride downhill. It all stops with Mr. Big, played with beneficent malignancy by Matt Damon.

Nothing is what it seems in No Sudden Move. It was written by Ed Solomon, a veteran best known for his work on Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Charlie’s Angels, Men in Black, and The Garry Shandling Show. And Solomon spoke with us about exploring dark themes, working with Soderbergh, and how he intends to continue changing how stories can be told.

Den of Geek: I really, really enjoyed No Sudden Move, and I agree, ulterior motives are sexy.

Ed Solomon: That’s very funny. I remember the moment I wrote that [line] and I was like, “Is this just me? And is this an indication of something maybe not so great about my personality?” I actually thought that, I literally thought that, and it’s funny. You’re the first person who’s ever said that. That’s really hilarious.

It made me ask the same questions about myself. Was that the creative key to the script? 

Yes. The drive that got me excited about every character at every moment was that they had a secret motive. Every character had a secret motive that they weren’t letting on, to the other characters. And that’s what gave it its energy for me as a writer. It gives a kind of excitement, because what happens then is the actors don’t get to just act with so much subtext. But as a writer, you get to, you know that you’re writing people that are saying one thing but thinking something else, and that’s where all the energy is for me as a writer.

When you were first brought together with Soderbergh, how much of a story was there, or was it just a concept?

We had a concept. We wanted to do just a spare, noir drama for Don [Cheadle], and maybe a couple of other people. The concept was some guys get called together to pull off a little heist that just goes drastically sideways. And are these people? And where is it set? We decided on Detroit. We were thinking about what era does it take place in? We were thinking maybe the ’50s. And that led to Detroit, because ’50s Detroit is just so American, and a lot of things were changing in Detroit at that time. There were fascinating things happening, and there was a lot of racial tension, and the city itself was remodeling itself in the way that America was remodeling itself. It was going from trolleys and cities to freeways and suburbs.

A lot of communities were getting displaced. And knowing we were writing, that Don was doing this, it was like, “What’s going to give Don’s character the courage of his convictions?” It just seemed like the right backdrop for it. So really we came in at a concept and then started throwing story ideas around together for a few days. Then I went off to do my outline. And then I gave him a beat sheet, which he gave me the thumbs up on, and then I had a few ideas for the end. Like the big seven-page aria that comes toward the end of the film. That was an add after Steven read the beat sheet. He’s like, “Let’s bring it to this kind of operatic conclusion, with these intersecting sectors of society.”

He gave me the not undaunting charge of, “Write a seven-page monologue.” I said, “Okay, I’ll do my best.” And then, he obviously read the draft and he had some notes. We did a revision, and the next rewrite we did was when we got the cast on. It was not one of those scripts that was constantly developed. That’s one of the great things about working with Steven. Also, I wrote it on spec, so I didn’t have to worry about studios giving notes or anything like that. Because again, I had Steven there, and Steven and I both knew how he was going to end up making the film. So we got to make it how we wanted to see it before giving it to the studio.

How do you personally get into the head space for a period piece?

Several ways. Yeah, I watched the movies, but really the bigger thing was going there. Going there and really being in the spaces that these people existed in at that time, those that are left in Detroit. Talking to people who were alive then. Spending time, there was an exhibit at the Detroit Public Library that a woman named Emily Kutil, had put together called “Black Bottom Street View.” They had taken all these photographs back in the ’50s of these neighborhoods that later got raised, and Emily recreated the experience of moving through, those neighborhoods, by using photographs in the library. She basically blew the photos up and you would walk down these aisles, which represented each.

I listened to music from the time I listened to people speaking from the time, I listened to recordings from the mid ’50s, in Detroit. I searched out as much as I could to get a tangible feel, a visceral feel. But at the end of the day, it’s about using all of these pieces to create an emotional space as a writer. I tend to write more from an emotional state than an intellectual state. So, once I could find myself in what felt like, the emotional frame of mind of each character, I found it easier to really be there in that time. And we had some very helpful consultants, as well. A man named Jamon Jordan is credited in the film, ironically and totally coincidentally, he’s an extra in the film. And his picture, he is in the frame that my screen credit is. My screen credit comes over his picture, which he and I [are] thrilled about.

Jamon runs an organization called the Black Scroll Network and they do walking tours of the African-American history of Detroit. He and I went through the script together, and of course Don and I went through the script together. I mean, every actor, we all went through the script together. But at every turn, it’s about trying to keep making it more authentic and more real, and more inhabited and more alive.

So you played Joey Biltmore in a 10th grade production of Guys and Dolls.

Whoa.

Reading that tweet made me have to ask you, what was it like being a staff writer on Laverne and Shirley?

Of course, it would make you think that. Oh my God, that’s amazing. Well, this is Den of Geek, after all. I could expect nothing less, then that kind of deep dive. That’s amazing.

Actually, here’s what’s funny. I will happily tell you about Laverne and Shirley in one second, but that experience on Guys and Dolls had more of an influence on the language of Bill and Ted. Meaning Damon Runyon, and that strange cadence and odd use of sometimes, somewhat anachronistic language was an influence for me. Not for [Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure co-writer Chris Matheson]. I asked Chris about it. I was like, “Were you into Damon Runyon as well, or was that just me?” And he’s like, “That was just you.” And I was like, “Oh.” That had more of an influence on the creation of Bill & Ted, for me, than anything else. More than surfer dialogue or valley talk, or stoner talk. Any of that, it actually was Damon Runyon to me, funnily enough. And it was because I had been in Guys and Dolls that I got into Damon Runyon.

But Laverne and Shirley, it’s a really interesting thing. It changed my life in many ways, but probably not the ways I would have thought it was going to change my life. It made me a professional writer, but I wasn’t great at it. In other words, I was in over my head with a bunch of real professional ’80s comedy writers, and I was a senior in college. I wasn’t quite ready. I had gone from writing jokes for comedians and writing plays that were performed at UCLA to being in a room of pros, and it was stressful and difficult, and I was still a senior and I didn’t get hired back into another sitcom. And in a way, I am really grateful.

At the time, I thought I had failed, because it took me about two years. Where I was doing standup again and writing jokes, and selling jokes, and writing for a game show, and doing anything I could to stay afloat, and borrowing money from my parents to live. I almost gave up, almost thought, “I’m my own worst nightmare. I’m a flash in the pan,” but had that not happened, I wouldn’t have approached Chris Matheson and said, “Hey, would you like to write something together?” And he, and I would not have written the Bill & Ted script, which is the thing that actually turned my career around and got me back on the map. It got both of us on the map, and then it relaunched my career from a different angle.

I think had I actually succeeded on Laverne and Shirley, in a certain way, I probably would have fried [out], as one of those ’80s TV writers, as those ’80s TV writers often did. Not just from drugs. But the environment itself – I don’t think was a super healthy one for a writer at that time. For me, at least. It was just a lot of competition, not the way I would want to be as a writer.

Plus, I think there’s a certain state of mind you have to maintain that I was unable to maintain. So, in a way, I attribute my failing out of Laverne and Shirley to the relaunching of my career in a way that was probably more appropriate for where I wanted to go. It was hard. It was a very stressful experience, and I never felt like I fit in. And I never felt like I could contribute comedically at the level that those people were. It took me about four years or five years to be able to feel comfortable in a writer’s room with other comedy writers.

And in the Garry Shandling writer’s room I met some of the funniest people I’d ever met in my life, and I could never get to the comedic level they could, but I was comfortable enough to be able to add whatever my two cents would be to any situation. And that room was much more fun. I think I had just grown up a bit.

Why does Bill & Ted continue to strike a chord?

I have asked myself that question because when it first came out, it was eviscerated by critics. It was pummeled. Every serious critic, and in particular, the non-serious critics. Because for the most part, they didn’t even let serious critics review it; they’d give it to their third- or fourth-year critics, and they just trashed it. So I was like, “Well, why did it sustain? Why did it not just last, but weirdly grow, over a few decades?”

Look, it started as the characters. It was how Chris and I, who originally played these characters just screwing around, but what Chris and I were always really attracted to in Bill & Ted, was this ebullience, this sweetness, this lightness of spirit and this sort of ‘yes!’ quality to them. They feel things deeply, but they adjust quickly and come up with a plan and move forward with the best, best, best of intentions at all times. That’s a really lovely place to inhabit, as a writer.

And then when the baton was passed to Alex [Winter] and Keanu [Reeves], they took it over so beautifully. And I think there is a beneficence of spirit, of kindness to the characters, a sweetness, that I think floated to the surface and kept Bill & Ted alive over the decades. And it did fine, it did well enough as the first film to warrant a second film, barely. It’s not like it did that well, but over time, people discovered it. And it’s what made it difficult to make a third movie, because there were no “numbers” to support it. “Why should we make a third movie? The first two didn’t do all that well.” It was more anecdotal. “But everywhere we go, people seem to know it, and people seem to want a sequel. And couldn’t we do it for them?”

It took John Wick getting where it was, but it also took the rise of social media to let audiences have a voice. So that when someone would say, “Is there going to be another Bill & Ted movie?” Then the studio finally started to see, or I should say the powers that be finally started to see, “Holy moly, there’s a lot of people out there that seem interested in this.” It took that, to get the movie made.

Going back to the tweet, when I read your responses, I thought you had a bit part on Kolchak. And then I found out that you were a real suspect on the Night Stalker case. Was that the worst review you ever got?

Well, that’s hilarious. Let me just put it this way. Being a suspect, which lasted only about 15 minutes and it was a misunderstanding. It was basically, my roommate’s car, which I had cosigned for, was stolen years later and taken to the scene. It was stolen by Richard Ramirez, it was still registered to my address and to me, I guess. So for 15 minutes, people were like, “Wait, is it you? You’re the prime suspect.” And then it was like, “Oh, wait, no, it’s not you. It’s not you, you’re asleep in your room, in Westwood and this murder took place 90 miles away.” But for a few minutes there, it was kind of weird and surreal.

But that was not even as bad as those initial reviews of Bill & Ted. I remember a review of Bill & Ted where the reviewer was reviewing a movie the following week, Friday the 13th, it was Jason Takes Manhattan. And the guy was like, “Here’s an idea. How about Jason Takes Bill and Ted?” I go, “Come on, dude. You don’t have to kill us again. You killed us last week, geez.”

It’s pretty funny because here in my office, somebody printed out one of the headlines. After I tweeted that, of course, I should have known that this thing was going to follow me in a way that I didn’t expect. Meaning when I tweeted it, I thought it was just kind of a funny anecdote. I didn’t expect the barrage of clickbait headlines saying things like “Bill and Ted writer was once suspected of being the Night Stalker killer.” Plus, for about two weeks, if you Googled Richard Ramirez and went to his Wikipedia page, my picture came up with it. It was funky. And then the headlines that they were doing were crazy. So people at my parents’ retirement community, friends of my parents, would be like, “What is this?” Because for people who aren’t actually reading beyond the clickbait, they’re looking at a picture of Richard Ramirez and a picture of me, saying I was a suspect along with him.

It was hilarious, and it was a little freaky. But of course after a week or two, the news cycle shifted, and you no longer found it. But for about a week, if you Googled me all you got was that I was a suspect in the Night Stalker [case]. It was not good. And I was just recently single, too. My girlfriend and I had broken up a month and a half earlier, and that meant if I was going to date someone and their friend was going, “Let me Google your date to see if I can find out anything about him,” it would not have boded well. It did not bode well, but it was pretty funny.

When you worked with Soderbergh for Mosaic, you were changing the way stories are delivered, and I want to know if you have any other plans to bend visual arts?

Yeah, I do. And we do. And we’re working on a new thing that I’m not allowed to get into any detail on, I’ve actually been asked not to. But it’s another thing that we’ve designed to be able to be told in various different styles. And what was the ultimate challenge of Mosaic was also the greatest gift of Mosaic. There was a moment when Steven and I looked at each other and went, “How often, especially when you’ve been doing this as long as we have, do you get to do something that is so challenging, that flexes so many muscles that you’ve never used before? That you can’t help but come out the other end of it, a better writer.” And that, to me, was one of the many great gifts of Mosaic.

One was working with Steven, which was an absolute high point, developing a relationship with him. Which led to No Sudden Move, which led to this new thing, which led to me bringing him on to help us get Bill and Ted Face the Music off the ground. He was an exec producer on that. So that was of course, one great thing, but just on a creative level. Having to design a story, where each character in the story has to be worthy of their own movie, because you’re also going to tell the story from their point of view, just like you can tell it from someone else’s point of view.

The notion that every villain is the hero of their own story, or every human is the central character of their own movie. That was really at work in Mosaic. It forced me to really upgrade how I thought about what I wrote. And it also was so difficult an endeavor, it took so long and it was so difficult and so invigorating that it made other writing seem easier. Because every decade or so, I really think a creative person has to really look at the work they’re doing and make sure that they’re not falling back on old habits or old tricks. Or, for sure as a writer, not getting into a mindset of, “Oh, I know how to do this.” I think that’s death for a writer.

I think, for me, the healthiest balance is that combination of confidence and insecurity. Not even confidence. Faith, I think is probably a better word. Like, “I don’t know if I can do this, but I think if I stay with it long enough, I’ll figure it out.” To me, that’s the sweet spot. No Sudden Move was a genre I’ve not written in and a tone I hadn’t written in. That alone was reason to do it, with a director I trusted and I really admire, and with whom I love working. For an actor, I’ve always wanted to work with? Don. That was like, “I’m going to do this and I’m going to work my ass off to get it right.” That’s that was my attitude on it. “And when I get out the other side of it, I want to be a better writer.”

And that’s my goal with everything, now. “When I get out the other side of this, I want to be a better writer than I was when I started it.”

No Sudden Move is a twist on noir, gangster, and industrial crime films. How did you come to the catalytic converter, and what research were you doing on the actual crime of it?

There’s always a relationship between research and writing. How to do the right amount of research without getting bogged down, and how to learn from the research and how to use the research to help you with where you want to go with it. I knew that the characters were going to be trying to steal something and we also said, “It might be cool if it’s initiated by one of the smaller auto companies, against one of the bigger ones.” I was looking for interesting innovations that happened in ’54 or ’55 that might have happened with GM or with Ford, or with Chrysler, that maybe Studebaker would have been wanting, or Nash, or something.

And then I thought, “Wait a minute, it’s going to be much more interesting if it’s an innovation that they tried to bury, as opposed to that they tried to actually bring out into the world?” And I was like, “What kind of stuff? What were they doing wrong back then? What have they uncovered that they forgot?” That led me to discovering this notion of the pollution control technologies that the automobile industry was forced to collude [on]. And so, for the first time, there was a lawsuit, the City of Los Angeles sued the Big Four, the Big Four lost, and the Justice Department ruled that the Big Four had to collude. For the first time, they had to collaborate, share technology, to come up with ways to reduce emissions in the automobile.

So for the first time in history, the auto industry, the Big Four, collaborated on something. And what they ended up collaborating on was not coming up with an answer, but finding an answer and then burying it. And I thought, “Okay, that’s more interesting.” In my research on Detroit in the ’50s, I discovered the deep potency of this idea of the cities re-landscaping themselves. And then those same companies were pulling up the trolley tracks, red-lining districts, making it so certain people couldn’t live in other communities. They destroyed Black Bottom, Paradise Valley, which were these thriving, African American residential and business communities. And I thought, “Well, that’s an interesting backdrop. And so, what if we set it against this changing landscape of Detroit?”

I knew we had Don, and so it also made sense that the person that he would be with would represent the other side of the spectrum, someone who is racist, and these two guys have to work together. [And the other guy] is not only racist, but he’s dealing with someone who’s smarter than him, and ahead of the game more than he is. So he’s got to deal with a kind of appreciation for this guy, that he’s kind of grown up distrusting, without knowing him. It seemed to give a deeper fuel to the back and forth between these two guys, as they’re trying to fuck each other over, over the course of the movie.

We were not trying to do a “socially conscious film.” We were really trying to just make a fun yarn. And to me, it just added to the fun, because it added to the potency of the characters. Like it gave Don’s character more muscle and more of a sense of righteous indignation. And it gave Benicio’s character more of a deeper character place to come from when dealing with Don’s character. It was not designed so that it would be “about something bigger.” It was actually designed to just give a bit more weight, so that the characters were more fun. It’s funny, because I’ve heard it referred to as a gangster movie, and it literally never crossed my mind, that this would be a gangster movie. Never. Until today.

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I’m the gangster geek at Den of Geek, so I have to look at it that way. And I got to say, Matt Damon’s character is scarier than Luca Brasi.

You know what? I appreciate your saying that. And that’s why I’m like, “Yeah.” And that guy, he’s not in any kind of organized crime, but he’s legit scarier. And yet, he’s probably the most civilized of everybody. I appreciate what you’re saying, actually. Very much appreciate that. Luca Brasi, that’s so funny. I was thinking about Luca Brasi, just recently.

I think about him all the time. Almost everything you’ve worked on has pushed barriers. The Garry Shandling Show changed television, you changed entertainment.

I’ve always wanted to try to push boundaries, wherever I could, partially for purely selfish reasons of not getting stale. And not falling back, as we were saying before, and not falling back on so-called old tricks or old habits, because I’ve always wanted to have longevity. I’ve always wanted to constantly improve as a writer, and be vital. I don’t want people throwing a bone at me, just so I can work. I want to be able to have something to say that’s meaningful. It’s been both good and bad for me. It’s been good for me in that, it has kept me growing, but it’s been bad in that I’ve fallen on my face a lot.

I’ve really taken some swan dives and landed on cement. And that’s hurt. However, I think truthfully, taking chances and failing has probably led to more success and longevity than the successes I’ve had. Weirdly. It’s great to have success, because it makes you be perceived as viable by the people who make movies and who hire writers. But honestly, as a writer, it’s better to have failures as long as you have the emotional resolve to be able to get up and keep walking, and look honestly at where those failures are your fault.

I don’t think it’s possible to have all success anyway, but if I guess if you have all success, nothing’s a problem for you. But I think most of my friends who have a lot of success and don’t have a lot of failure, who are writers, don’t usually have a lot of longevity, which is interesting. And I don’t exactly know why except I think you stop challenging yourself, and your work stops becoming relevant. I think. I’ll know more in a decade or two, and we’ll get back on it. And we’ll see if my strategy worked or didn’t.

The new movie finds relevance today by going back to the past, and by going back to the filmmaking styles of the past.

I’m so grateful to hear you say that. Steven used these Kowa, I think that’s those anamorphic lenses that he had fixed on top of the RED monster camera, the digital camera. So that’s why it has the look it has, and I really appreciate the way everyone really went for authenticity. I think sometimes you can speak better about the present when you’re speaking, and you set it, in the past. Because sometimes you need that distance to be able to actually see yourself. And then when you’re just looking at a current, cutting edge, modern story, it somehow doesn’t resonate as much. It doesn’t have as much poetry.

No Sudden Move is available to stream on HBO Max.

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