#be on their own u feel me

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[stuckinapril]

I love Tumblr because nothing matters here truly. There are no influencers. Having followers doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a site where people post their sporadic thoughts and rb pretty pictures. Anyone who thinks any of this matters is woefully missing the point

#I joined tumblr for the aesthetics and now I’m here bc it’s the most low pressure social media to be on #Instagram is ppl’s highlight reel but Tumblr is where u see their pure thoughts unobstructed and I adore that #It’s very nice to have people to relate to and is def the main appeal to me but I don’t think there’s much more to it than that genuinely #Monetization on tumblr isn’t a thing and probably won’t be so it feels stupid to put more stake than necessary in it. Like you’re in the #Trenches over tumblr of all things. Embarrassing #I know chronically online people exist bc I have seen them in my or somebody else’s inbox but imagine waking up at 70 one day and the #Realization hitting u like a freight time that u wasted all ur time thinking tumblr. TUMBLR. This dying website. Has enough weight for u to #be sending anon hate or reviewing ppl’s blogs like they’re some kind of product. Brother this is licherally tumblr #I choose to laugh at this behavior than take it seriously bc absolutely no one is driving me crazy on my OWN blog. On tumblr dot com. #I refuse #I will do whatever I want forever etc

[haunted-xander]

For what do you live?

#meant to post this a lot earlier but it just didnt... feel right? #and now im like fuck it. woe sciosn be upone ye #i was originally gonna have banana(wol) here too but then the amount of panels would be uneven >:( #so i removed her (im srry bby i love u i prommy </3) #anyway. i love them and seeing them fight for their right to exist in ew despite several of then having had #issues and doubts and all that in regards to their own lives and well-being hit me hard #i mean several of them are implied to not mind dying/not caring about surviving and at least one of them is/was explicitly suicidal! #and yet!!!!!! #OUGH #thancred waters #y'shtola rhul #urianger augurelt #alphinaud leveilleur #alisaie leveilleur #g'raha tia #tataru taru #krile mayer baldesion #estinien varlineau #estinien wyrmblood #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[ryllen]

/ᐠ ˵•̀ ˕ •́ マ ₊˚⊹♡

/ᐠ ˵- ˕ -マ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

૮ ˵• ﻌ - ა.𖥔 ݁ ˖ just malleus practicing to befriend more human in the future (perhaps)

#twisted wonderland #twst #malleus draconia #twst yuu #sebek zigvolt #lilia vanrouge #twst mc #fanart #i kinda get the feeling that someone's pet feels like an 'animal' while ur own feel like a sentient family member bcs they would look at u #turns out they just be like whoops stranger danger don't look at me #same buddy i wish someone would study me and note down my nervous behavior #i find it cute that eng fandom calls malleus mal mal

[rendevok]

Bite me <3

#im not saying he said this. but it FEELS like he said this. #guy who is soooooooo getting what he wants rn #narumitsu #wrightworth #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright #vampire nrmts owns my entire ass. there will be more /threat #its MY art and i say they’re BOTH vampires #wrightworth? more like frightworth ahahaha #or maybe even biteworth #narumitsu but naru-bit-u #ahahahahahhhahhahahahaa😳😳😳😳 #anyway sorry this took me so long to post but it’s friday the 13th and it’s been the best day ever so have a treat on me #also this was not INTENDED to be the server icon but it will be until halloween lol #if i dont have people biting me in the notes whats the point #fan art #aa #rendevok

[fumifooms]

That. That screentone on Chilchuck’s chest in the low open collar. Is Chilchuck having chest hair canon Kui. Kui? Gripping my knee

#Need to make a post for this on its own actually #Chilchuck tims #Dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #‘She didn’t draw any in the sauna chapter’ She does the same with Senshi and we know that she thinks he actually has lots #It could also be finer/paler etc. This panel is a close up with a lot of details like seams #plus it’s one of the final chapters so Kui prob had more time and motivation to go all out #Bc like what. Is it blood from the intestines. If his forearms are fine I don’t see why his chest wouldn’t be #Never forget Chil canonically has gray hairs…… Just selectively #Edit: ok I now see that yeah prob a mistake. Still gonna run with it tho #Screentone struggle is so real I feel u Kui #The tags were me explaining why it’s plausible but still not the intent tho the result is the same either way. Don’t wanna spread misinfo

[jflxwr]

big compilation of wof dragons as instagram create memes

#darkstalker wouldve gotten his own post but god there are no fucking photos of this mf !!! #contemplated for a bit on which meme should go to who #feel free to tell me if u think another dragon would fit the meme as well or even better :3 #i wont change it for u but i like just wanna know LOLOLOL #wings of fire #wings of fire memes #wof #wof memes #qibli wof #wof qibli #winter wof #wof winter #peril wof #wof peril #darkstalker wof #wof darkstalker #squid wof #wof squid #moonwatcher wof #wof moonwatcher #pike wof #wof pike #scarlet wof #wof scarlet #flame wof #wof flame #jflxwr #jflxwr memes #jflxwr incorrect quotes #HOLY FUCK THATS A LOT OF TAGS WTFF !!!!

[suntails]

7.3

#AGAIN!!! AGAIN!!!!! they are two sides of the same coin. the way their UM is the exact opposite of each other im screaming #silvers UM is so hyperspecific its FATE it feels like he was born for it immmmmm dying dyin dyign #i cant express how badly i wanna draw these two a billion times rn. the fucking RAGE from BOTH of them in the confrontation is so tasty #this book is meeting each and every one of my expectations and then some... already my fav book and it still feels like its barely started #twst spoilers #book 7 spoilers #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #silver vanrouge #malleus draconia #the. the parallels. the juxtaposition. light vs dark. a prince vs his own knight. their destiny. fae vs human. im SCREAMING #genuinely i shit u not. GENUINELY the most interesting duo for me to think abt in the game. theres so much fucking lore i just know it #suntails

[shopcat]

i think in the hamster wheel of my mind a big part of where people go wrong with eddie and his shitty garage band as an extension is that they for some bizarre reason think he's gene simmons metal when he's jack black metal. heavy metal. he's tenacious d metal. he's school of rock. he's stoner lord of the rings metal he nearly wore blue jeans and plaid. jack black literally in real life once said eddie was the best character bc he's heavy metal like him. LOOK AT THIS

#🍦 #answer it's bc people think he's some mishmash of all alternative scenes without any actual knowledge of where the mashing occurs 😭 #eddie is . a heavy metal guy. A cool one. a nice one even. he likes rock and roll #it's so funny when ppl try and describe it and they've never heard the stuff he actually listens to in their lives for some reason #literally so much of the appeal of eddie's character within his subculture is that its theatrical and dramatic but its still grounded #he's very alternative and Out There but he's still just some guy. he's not wearing spiked leather jackets #in fact he's not wearing any of the other kinds of leather jackets i've seen people say he would ... TO ME #sts #if u haven't seen the clip he then proceeds to air guitar the MoP melody then shouts heavy metal is everywhere #i don't even know how to explain this bc it's like ... okay #the general .. VIBE? aestheticsm? is kind of similar to what people sometimes portray but they're missing thst it's tongue in cheek #like it's like that buff poster of him being this anachronistic homage to heavy metal album covers #fire and satanic imagery and skulls and lightning and big drama and ROCK AND ROLL #it's rock and ROLL man... #and people r making him this weird sanitised dork LOL 😭 when he's a dork in a different more fun way.. imo #and it's not that those types of people don't exist and that they're not cool in their own way cuz they are sure but that's not THIS GUY #he is an 80S METALHEAD... and yeah i try and ground him in thinfs and poke and prod at it until it fits my own understanding of alternative #scenes better but that's bc i've had a hand in the punk scene for years and years #i dunno sometimes i feel like ppl r just not doing the full potential and then going way too hard in this super specific direction #and he ends up first of all usually just a massive douchebag not sure what that's about. But a guy who he would in canon HATE 😭 #YOU ARE MAKING HIM A POSER. is what i'm saying #he is alwyas some guy before he's anything else and before he's that he's a 20 year old loser #you need to reflect this... You need to bottle it. ugh. ugh #so much of this reminds me of the time someone was like he would never wear PLAID #like are you kidding me. are you actually kidding me rn #ppl have this weird arstheticised mostly modern and mostly literallt just eboy Idea of what he'd wear it's crazy to me sorry #also it's ugly #i also think. this is so long lol . anyway . i also think going too ''authentic'' in the 80s metalhead direction also lands u w different #problems. my advice to people trying to write or draw alternative characters is they are People. before they are anything else #🍏

[kiisaes]

everyone loves sunny! (but are too repressed to do anything about it)

(catholic school au)

#sorry for not posting omori for a while. would u believe me if i told u that this one comic took me THREE DAYS to actually start. #it was in my head for THREE WHOLE DAYS before i put tablet pen to tablet screen #anywayz... catholic school au lives on i guess #basil and kel are repressing their queerness. aubrey is just weird about romantic feelings #and sunny is sunny (undoubtedly repressing his own feelings too) #omori #sunny omori #basil omori #kel omori #aubrey omori #sunflower omori #suntan omori #sunburn omori #fan art #comic #omori au #becki draws stuff n stuff

[mdverse]

go go go!! (x)

#my art #digital art #fan art #art #glee #glee art #glee fanart #brittana #brittany s pierce #santana lopez #gleesource #brittanasource #go for it nakamura #go for it meme #oh how i love a twt art meme once in a while #i started this almost 2 years ago and abandoned it for a while and then redid pretty much everything from scratch over the weekend #and it feels like my biggest slay of the year so far by a long shot oh my god 2022!md found dead in a ditch #maybe one day ill redo this in my own art style lol but for now this slaps so hard #massive thank u to bella for taking care of the text for me!! u are an angel and i love u

[stuckinapril]

when you accept that the unique things about you are the best things about you. when you fall in love w your uniqueness and become obsessed w it and reject conformity. when you think for yourself and draw your own conclusions and adore that you don’t perfectly fit into a mold. that’s when you’ll know true peace

#this sounds like an instagram infographic but hear me out #all the things i used to hide as a teen are things i am so grateful to embrace now #i’m realizing that any notable person has trailblazed their own path. that’s how they stand out. #not bc they already fit into a predetermined mold. but bc they were unique and confident about it #can’t say i’m at a 100% w my self acceptance yet but there will be FAR fewer things to talk about in therapy 🥲 and that’s a good thing #ppl rly need to take their quirks and appreciate them and LOVE them and adore them and be obsessed and feel so lucky they have them #the same old same old is boring #it just sucks that w uniqueness naturally comes backlash #and u have ppl who r nasty rude etc etc. who try to make u feel like ur the freak show for being different #but as long as u know ur truth that’s what matters. that’s all #text

[canisalbus]

I'd like to think Machete takes any strategic games too seriously, even when he's playing games with literal 7 year olds

.

#oh no RUDE #Vasco's expression took me out he looks so BETRAYED #poor guy #yeah I think he might be a little like that #it probably wouldn't be about being the best he just can't stand losing #I feel mighty dumb but I didn't know there was strategy to uno #thagoldennugget #gift art #own characters #Machete #Vasco #c l u e l e s s

[ilynpilled]

it frankly pisses me off that what is essentially “rapists and abusers should be depicted as monstrous caricatures because humanizing them is inappropriate” is considered a very moral and enlightened position to have on art by so many people. a rapist can feel pain, have moments of vulnerability, be amiable and charming, express remorse and compassion at times, be a victim themselves, and so on in real life. they are even capable of doing good things. they can have different sides to them and have individuals in their lives that they are kind to or have a decent relationship with. they will be a human being, and that fact encompasses a lot. conflating that with the claim that they deserve forgiveness or absolution is an issue. nurturing a mindset that believes they need to be one note and uncomplicated to be a correct and tasteful depiction of a rapist inadvertently falls in line with the logic of “how could they have possibly raped you? they are so normal and kind to me. they did all these good things here and there.” ok that doesn’t change that they are a rapist.

#and its always said by fiction affects reality warriors ok this affects victims bc they will have doubts about their abuse and #about their own abuser because they are not the boogeyman #there was this pretty heartbreaking post by an abuse survivor who put this into words #its one of those things where it feels like the intention is good but it does more harm to victims than the perpetrators really #im not saying its impossible to have a tasteless depiction of a rapist but u guys just project that idea onto shit where it doesnt apply #if something explores the reality and consequences of their actions and the impact on the victims without downplaying it or ignoring it #then this critique just holds no water to me #idgaf if they r humanized ive seen their actions and just because they have a solitary other dimension doesnt mean i feel pressured #to forgive or absolve them lmao? #(as in the piece of art in question is not advocating for that) #cw rape

[haunted-xander]

Baby's first kiss(ing attempt)

#girl whos never had a crush before vs girl who doesnt know she can be upfront about her feelings #rynes like 'wow gaias so cool shes so great i kinda wanna kiss her but thats normal right haha' #and gaias like 'rynes great but shes weird so i cant just say i want to kiss her she probably doesnt even like me that way' #i dont think ryne would ever realoze she has a crush on her own i mean she hasnt had friends her age before #u think she knows the difference between loving ur friends platonically and romantically #at most she realizes that oh my feelings for gaia are different than for the twins/wol/lyna but shed probably just be like #well ofc its different we met in a different way and i cant hang out with the twins/wol/lyna this much so its normal #and gaias just a massive tsundere whos actually a coward with her feelings #like of COURSE she cant just tell ryne she likes her thats WEIRD and shes Normal ok shes so Normal #(she isnt but next to ryne she might feel like she is) #anyway i think wol should give them relationship advice bc SOMEONE needs to teach these girls how crushes work #ryne waters #gaia #rynegaia #gaiaryne #urithan #thanuri #only mentioned but still #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[twinstxrs]

the gorgug-porter conversation is interesting to me because like. yea for the overwhelming majority of the conversation porter’s being shitty & trying to fit gorgug into a box that gorgug just does not fit into by trying to make gorgug’s relationship with his rage more focused on the aggression aspect of it. but then there’s also this specific thing that brennan brought up again in the ap, which is that gorgug’s relationship with his rage is wholly “this is a tool i use to protect my friends.” which isn’t a bad thing! but that’s his Whole relationship with it, & gorgug seems to place next to no value on his rage in relationship to himself. which is problematic, because it’s first & foremost his rage.

being raised in a household with a sort of toxic positivity largely meant that, whether or not it was his parents’ intention, gorgug internalized the message that more traditionally “negative” emotions such as anger are the wrong response to something. part of the reason he prioritizes his artificing is probably because it’s “fixing” things. in comparison to being a barbarian, which gorgug associates with “breaking” things. good vs. bad behavior, in his eyes.

it’s a totally unacceptable bar to measure a 16 y/o by, but i do think part of porter’s reasoning for not letting gorgug multiclass is him recognizing that gorgug generally does not value anger as a valid emotional response to something, at the very least for himself. & that directly conflicts with what being a barbarian is, because whether you like it or not, that rage is what fuels you. but again, barring a kid from pursuing something they deeply care about in part (not entirely, porter has a lot of more bullshit reasons) because of their fundamental values & world outlook is crazy.

so yes, 98% of porter’s reasoning is pretty shitty, immature, rife with a toxic view that there’s only one proper way to access rage, & generally not a good thing to do as a teacher, but also within that reasoning is the 2% of ‘there is a fundamental part of yourself that you only value if you can use it to take care of other people & you need to accept that as something that can take care of you, too.’ but that’s something to discuss with a therapist or a guidance counselor, not something that should hugely impact gorgug’s academic future.

#gorgug thistlespring #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #btw these r just my personal opinions u r 100% free to disagree #gorgug & his rage interest me so deeply because of how deeply that rage existing seems to be against gorgug’s own will #like mechanically classes are choices & you can switch stuff around any time. but gorgug as a barbarian always felt like an unwilling choice #like that 14 y/o kid did not want to have rage. & that really interests me. #i’ve seen people before be like ‘what if gorgug dropped barbarian & went full srtificer’ but i feel like that simply can’t happen?? #mechanically yea sure but it always felt like a core part of gorgug that the rage will always be there & it’s a matter of how you channel it #idk. dnd classes narratively being treated as ‘you can not lose this part of you’ even though you technically can #gorgug could be lvl 19 artificer & he’d still have 1 level of barbarian. because that is part of who he is. #btw i don’t think porter truly cares about gorgug valuing his rage only as a way to be a human shield #i think porter just sees that as ‘wrong’ but like. not as in ‘you need to take care of yourself’ & more ‘you aren’t conforming’ #he thinks it’s wrong for the wrong reasons. the nastier ‘this is how you should be’ reasons #ppl being like ‘we r being too hard on porter. it’s an 150% courseload gorgug will be overwhelmed’ i think r missing the point bc like. #that is 100% a valid reason to not approve gorgug for multiclassing! but that’s also 100% not the reason porter rejected him. #that whole interaction was basically porter shoving his percieved version of conformity down gorgug’s throat. was v neurodivergent kid coded #no hate to anyone saying that last point btw these r all just opinions #thinking about last ep wilma & digby being like ‘you’re a great barbarian. you’re so great at it. but look at what you made!!!’ like. #they would never mean it like that. but when you only understand half of your son he is going to prioritize the half you do.