Maroon
Happy birthday @henderdads in honour of you, the number one supporter of my Midnights collection, my go-to swiftie in my phone and because our Taylor has left my country singing this song on her last show here, enjoy.
When the morning came we were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf
'Cause we lost track of time again
Laughing with my feet in your lap
Like you were my closest friend
"How'd we end up on the floor anyway?" You say
"Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that's how"
I see you every day now
“Steveeeee, your little candle died!” Eddie giggled from the other room. They’d spent the day unpacking Steve’s new apartment downtown. Well, Steve had unpacked, and Robin and Eddie had spent most of the day snooping through boxes. Robin had gone home, her parents still wary of her staying out after dark, Starcourt only a few months ago.
“Little candle? Oh, the incense,” Steve said coming into the room to see Eddie on the floor. He wiped off the little pile of ash and plopped down next to Eddie, stretching his legs over him. “Share that you gremlin, Robin bought that for my housewarming!” Steve reached over Eddie to grab the bottle of wine Robin’s mum sent with her.
“It’s too bad Robbie can’t live here with you, I don’t want you being all lonely,” Eddie pouted looking over at him.
Steve took a big gulp of the tangy wine, “You could always move in?”
“You wouldn’t get sick of me?”
“Nah, sounds nice seeing you every day.”
“Ok, Stevie, I’ll tell Wayne tomorrow, now gimme that bottle, roomies gotta share!”
And I chose you
The one I was dancin' with
In New York, no shoes
Looked up at the sky and it was
Living with Eddie was easy, it was nice having someone to come home to. The kids liked him too, winning them over with Hellfire and nerdy movie nights. Sitting on a bathroom floor with Robin figuring out why he got butterflies every time Eddie smiled wasn’t as easy but it felt healing.
“We should go out!” Eddie had said when Steve came out to him, blushing hard before Eddie continued. “Robbie looks too young to join me when I go to this gay bar in Indy but I bet they’ll look the other way for you, sweetheart.”
That’s how Steve found himself twirling around a brightly lit dancefloor that Friday, boys with boys and girls with girls around him and he felt light and free. Eddie never left his side, his scary dog energy scaring off any guys that might’ve asked Steve to dance but Steve didn’t mind, maybe it meant Eddie would keep dancing with him.
They stumbled down the road together, planning to sleep the night off in the van and drive home in the morning. Steve giggled looking up, the morning sun had begun peaking over the horizon, it’s colours dancing through him matching the warmth he felt in his heart.
The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me
And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was
The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones
The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon
After that night the boys felt closer than ever. It was no surprise when they ended up on the living room floor again, a bottle of cheap red wine between them. Laughter filled their home in a way it never did in Steve’s house growing up. Eddie threw his hands around as he spoke, inevitably spilling the wine on them, narrowly missing the carpet.
“Oh shit, sorry Steve!” Eddie said following Steve to the bathroom. For a brief moment, Steve thought of another stain in another bathroom, but as he turned towards Eddie all thoughts of that night left him. Eddie gently tried to get out the stain from the ruined shirt. Steve couldn’t help it, blame it on the wine, blame it on the location, but he reached out grabbing Eddie’s shirt and tugging him forward.
Their lips meeting, Steve tasted the wine and cigarettes they shared. He pulled back slowly, hoping he hadn’t ruined everything. He didn’t have to worry long as Eddie quickly pulled him back, meeting his lips again.
When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy
How the hell did we lose sight of us again?
Sobbin' with your head in your hands
Ain't that the way shit always ends?
It’s not always easy living with the person you care about most. November brought more nightmares, dreams he couldn’t explain to Eddie, wanting to keep him far away from the hell beneath them. He had to blame his screams for Robin on a fire and not the longest night of his life.
“Why won’t you talk to me, Stevie!”
“Because I can’t!”
“Why not!”
“I’m trying to protect you!”
Steve felt the slam of the door cut through him. For the first time in a long time, they sleep in separate beds.
You were standin' hollow-eyed in the hallway
Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us
I feel you no matter what
Steve came home a few days later to Eddie waiting at their door. Pink carnations held tightly in his hand, his teary eyes and flushed cheeks made Steve’s heart ache. Eddie looked up as he heard Steve approach, his voice cracking as he said his name.
The rubies that I gave up
“I’m sorry, Stevie. I shouldn’t have left, I was just worried about you.”
Steve gently took the flowers and Eddie’s hand, “I want to tell you, I just can’t and I need you to trust me, Eds.”
Eddie nodded and Steve unlocked their door leading them both inside. “You know, I love carnations,” Steve said giving Eddie a soft smile going to the kitchen to get them water.
Eddie laughed softly, “I thought they were roses, they just looked pretty and reminded me of you.”
Steve smiled, he thought about how his dad would always try and win his mother’s forgiveness with money and jewels, he liked this better.
And I lost you
The one I was dancin' with
In New York, no shoes
Looked up at the sky and it was maroon
No matter how hard Steve tried to protect the people he loved, they always seemed to get dragged into it. Steve never wanted to see Eddie as terrified as he did in that boathouse. He wishes he’d gone with Eddie that night after the game, but he’d promised Lucas that he’d drive him to the after-party. He didn’t even know Eddie was still dealing.
“Don’t be a hero,” he’d said, but now Eddie was bleeding in his arms. Dark red blood seeping into their shirts like the wine did all those months ago. Eddie’s eyes slipped closed on the drive to the hospital.
The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me
And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was (maroon)
The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones
The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was (maroon)
Everywhere Steve looked he saw red. He refused to leave the hospital until Eddie was out of surgery. Robin had dragged him to the bathroom, forcing him to wash the blood that coated his arms down the drain. She’d left to get him a change of clothes, leaving him to sit on the hard chairs in the waiting room.
The cushions a bright red, the blood a muddy maroon under his nails, his shirt stained a deep scarlet, the smell of rust and iron coming off of him, a crimson sky behind his eyes.
And I wake with your memory over me
That's a real fucking legacy, legacy (it was maroon)
And I wake with your memory over me
That's a real fucking legacy to leave
Steve doesn’t remember when he sat down beside Eddie’s bedside. He just remembers a teary phone call to Wayne and seeing Eddie still breathing. Wayne had to go to work, Steve didn’t have anywhere to be since Family Video sunk into the earth with half the town. Pink carnations in a vase at his bedside.
“I told you not to be a hero, Eds.”
The brief bouts of sleep he got leant over Eddie or curled up in his chair were plagued with losing Eddie over and over. Til one night he dreams of them back in their apartment, lying on their floor, Eddie’s fingers brushing through his hair. He wakes, still feeling the edges of his dream, fingers still in his hair. He glances up and meets warm brown eyes.
“Eds, you’re awake!”
“Sorry I tried being a hero, Stevie, I should’ve trusted you.”
The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me
And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet (it was maroon)
The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones
The lips I used to call home, so scarlet (it was maroon)
The day Eddie comes home, a town rebuilt, Steve swears the sky is the same pink it was that night in Indianapolis. He helps Eddie up the stairs, opening the door, the apartment just how they left it. The warm burgundy blanket on their ruby couch. A bottle of red wine on the counter, cherry wood cabinets and chestnut floors. A soft blush on both their faces as they lay down on the scarlet sheets of their bed. Merlot on their lips as their sucked soft wine-coloured bruises, taking back their love from months so close yet so far apart.
It was maroon
It was maroon
Steve would wake later, lips bit rough and maroon and thank the world that life didn’t end under a blood-red sky.
Ao3
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♡ HAPPY BEOMGYU DAY ♡
to txt’s resident multifaceted moodmaker, who never fails to lift his members’ spirits and always makes sure to care for them in all the ways they need, i am wishing a birthday full of love, laughter, and as much relaxation as can be managed as they prepare for tour!
quick cc note: first of all. a formal apology to my beomgyutuals and also to beomgyu himself that his bday zine still sits like 60% finished on my external hard drive. i’m so sorry like i HAVEN’T forgotten it’s just like. i don’t want it to suck. u know how it goes!!! anyway !!! moving on....
there’s of course so many sides to beomgyu and so many things that we could spend time talking about. i love that he likes to and often does present such a bright image, and i love the way that he naturally lights up a room, especially when he’s with people he loves and trusts. and i equally love his gentle and quiet nature, and the way all of this combined and juxtaposed comes together to make up a one-of-a-kind beomgyu!!! i love how empathetic he is and how clearly he cares about the people around him. i think at his core he is a caretaker in the way that he is always looking out for his members, and how he will make sure they’re doing okay before he even thinks to think about himself. along these lines i how unfailingly kind he is and how he’s the sort of person that naturally lifts others up without even seeming to consciously realize he’s doing so. people gravitate to him, and it’s no wonder!
i think another incredible strength of beomgyu’s is his ability to acknowledge when he’s struggling. i really admire the way that he’s able to be open about the natural ups and downs one can go through, and i think he makes more of a difference than he knows by sharing his lower moments with his fans even though he has no obligation to whatsoever. it’s so brave of him. he’s really brave, the way he lays his heart bare and the way he shoulders the weight of being seen as the moodmaker of the group, and the way he squares his shoulders and keeps moving forward through the good times and the bad.
and the thing that really leaps out to me about beomgyu? honestly, i think it’s the way he lives and breathes music. all the tubatus love music and love performing, but i think for beomgyu it’s literally his lifeblood. i think music to him is something as integral to living as air. you can tell how sometimes a song he loves is so personal to him it almost hurts. you can tell that even if he wasn’t an idol, even if he wasn’t doing something involving performing, music would still be central in his life somehow. there’s something unadulterated and pure about the way he loves it.
to beomgyu, who often looks after others before looking after himself! i hope you give yourself the same grace you give to those around you, and that you allow yourself time to rest even when the world seems more hectic than ever. i hope you always love music and the stage as much as you do now, and that it continues to bring you joy even as the years continue to pass. i hope this trip around the sun is fruitful for you, that there are more good, warm days than there are bad, that as many opportunities to do whatever you want fall right within your grasp, ripe for the taking. i will always believe in you and will always be cheering you on. i hope you spend today and this year and all of those to come smiling as often as possible. ♡
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