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astraysimp · 27 days

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Mini Binnie

I'm back-kinda! This is based on this ask

Hi everyone! I am back with my first full fic in a while! Sorry it has taken me so long, I have had many many many mental breakdowns BUT I AM FEELING BETTER AND DRINKING WATEER! YIPPEE! This is for my lovely 🍒 anon! Who is my first request, like ever, so thank you lovely anon! I saw the words chunky baby and i KNEW I had to whip something up. Soooooo, enjoy my loves!!!!

Pairing: Changbin x reader AND BINNA (THE CHUNKY BUBBA)

Warnings: this might suck bc I haven’t sat down and written a full fic in a while so I sorry, dad!changbinnie, 10 month old Binna( our chunky bubby), FLUFF FLUFF,, italicized text indeicates reference to the past, pet names,simp binnie, playful teasing,fem!reader, let me know if i missed anything

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

10 months ago, you and your husband Changin welcomed your daughter into this world. Her name is Binna and she is yours and Changbin’s world. Changbin was the proudest dad to be and is now the proudest dad.

Even in your 42 week pregnancy— Binna came late, loving her warm, safe home in your belly a little too much— he was proudly telling everyone and everyone that he came across that he was going to be a dad. And when i say everyone, i mean everyone. He told strangers, his bandmates ( like a million and one times), JYP, his managers, he told STAY on bubble and in lives, he told his stylists, his bandmates’ stylists, he even told you.

Currently, you were about 30 weeks into your pregnancy. So, your bump was round and proud. You and Changbin wer5e cuddled on your couch, watching your favorite k-drama as he rubbed your belly. Turning to you, an ecstatic giggle tumbled from his lips. “Yes, jagi?” you asked him, pausing the drama on the Tv in front of you. “I’m going to be a dad.” He giggled, his hands caressing your bump. “Yes, you are, Binnie.’ you patted his hand and laughed. “A baby. Our baby, jagiya!” he exclaimed, he was just exploding with excitement. Yes, you knew you were having a baby, your bump proving the point. But, you couldn’t crush his cute excitement.

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, you giggled. “You know, i hope she looks like you, binnie.” Gasp, “yah! You can;t just say things like that to me, yeobo!” he pouted. “Why not, my binnie?” You giggled, pinching his plump cheek. Oh, that’s why. Sniffling, he whined and whined. “I’ll cry, jagiyaaaaaa.” oh, he was so cute. “Baby, why are you crying?”

“You said you hope our baby looks like me,” he sniffled out.

And you thought your pregnancy hormones were all over the board. Well, at least he’s cute.

Holding his cheeks in your hands, you pressed a plethora of soft kisses all around the perimeter of his face. “Waaahhhhhhh. My Binnie is so cute!” you google out, seeing a soft crimson blush rise up his neck, cover his cheeks and tint his ears. “Why is my hubby blushing? You’re too cute?” nYou teased, his eyes crinkling as his perfectly straight pearly white teeth flashed with his wide grin. “You’re making me! Yeoboooooo!”

“How am i making you blush, huh binnie?” you giggled, as his hands resumed their usual belly rubbing. Such belly rubbing causing your already daddy’s girl to kick from her secure place in your womb. Laughing, you pinched his cheeks, “see. Even Binna thinks her appa’s cute!”

Again, he giggled, as a blush tinted his cheeks again.

“Shush, yeobo.”

That was a little over 11 months ago. Since then, you and Changbin have been soaking up the precious times with your baby girl. When she became Earth side, you remember how chubby she was– and still is. Her late birth made her a chunky and squishy baby. 10 pounds and 5 ounces to be exact. So, safe to say, Binna is a chunky girl. And a replica of her appa– big brown doe eyes, the same smile, raven black her and the same giggle.

Oh, her giggle, one to match her appa’s.

Currently, you were sitting next to Changbin on your couch, a 10 month old Binna on his lap. She was giggling and hitting her hands against his chest as Changbin’s lips were blowing raspberries on her cheeks. “Hi, Binna! Binna bear!” you cooed, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek.

Giggling, she squealed and turned her head to look at you. “Eomma!” she squealed– although her first word was appa. Something Changbin was very proud of and told everyone. “Hi baby doll! Are you having so much fun?” you perched, as one of her small, chubby hands reached towards you.

Taking her hand in your, you smiled and playfully bit at it. “Eomma! Eomma!” She exclaimed, plopping herself to lay against Changbin’s chest. Smiling, Changbin held her close to his chest, his hands supporting her back and legs. “My binna bear, give appa some love,” he pouted, pressing his lips to her forehead. Gasping, she looked up at him, her pink lips forming a small o-shape, before forming a gummy smile as she giggled. “Appa!” she exclaimed, her short legs kicking.

reaching her arms up, she pressed her hands against his cheeks, smooshing them to make a fish face. “Appa!” She squealed, loud, high pitched giggles falling from her lips. “Ppo-ppo?” Changbin asked, hands lightly tapping on her bum, as he puckered his lips even more. Puckering her own lips, Binna raised herself to be level with Changbin’s face.

What Changbin thought would be his daughter giving him a sweet kiss, was not that.

Puckering her lips, Binna leaned and bit down on Changbin’s chin. “I-Binna bear, what are you doing, bubba? I wanted a kiss.” He laughed, feeling her nomming and gumming at his chin. The cold wetness of her drool coating the slightly stubbled skin of his chin. “Okay, princess, come here,” you cooed.

Leaning back, you carefully lifted her off his chin and subsequently off of his chest. “Yah! Yah yah yah, I still haven’t gotten my kiss,” Changbin whined, seeing Binna curl into your hold, her hands holding a tight grasp onto your shirt, as you peppered her chubby face in kisses. “Oh hush, let me love on my princess,” you retorted. “Binnie, you get plenty plenty plenty of kisses. Doesn’t he, princess? Doesn’t appa get so many kisses?” You smiled, as she giggled and kicked her feet. “Eomma! Eomma ppo-ppo!” She giggled, smacking her lips together. “Yes, baby. Kisses for eomma,” you giggled, kissing her lips.

Pouting, Changbin leaned over, with his lips puckered. “Not fair, jagiya! I want Binna kisses too,” he pouted, watching Binna smack her lips onto yours. “How about me, binna bear?” He pouted, leaning in to try to steal a kiss. “Eomma kiss!” She squealed back, much to Changbin’s dismay and chagrin. “Wha-why not appa, binna bear?” He pouted, pretending to sniffle.

What a dramatic man. Hanging out with Hyunjin too much,although he would disagree.

Laughing, you squeezed binna to your chest as she kissed your cheeks. “Waaah! Thank you, angel! So many kisses for eomma!” You laughed, watching as Changbin’s jaw dropped. Bro was flabbergasted, appalled, taken aback. He was shook.

“Wh-why does eomma get kisses but not me, binna?” all Binna did was giggle, continuing to give you kisses. Squealing happily, Binna laid her small chunky body against your chest and smiled. “Because she loves meeeeeeeee. Isn’t that right, princess?” You cooed, rocking her back and forth in your arms. “Love eomma so much so much, huh, Binna bear?” Nodding her head, she pressed her lips against yours before resorting to laying her chubby cheek against your shoulder.

Maybe, she wasn’t so much of a daddy’s girl after all. Lies. Binna was the epitome of a daddy’s girl. Oh, she’s crying? Changbin walks in and those tears dry up and she goes back to being her bubbly self. She can’t fall asleep? Put her on Binnie’s chest and she’s out like a light. You’re trying to feed her mashed veggies and she won;t eat them? Let Changbin feed Binna and she'll eat those veggies right up.

Daddy’s girl

But, you could pretend for a little bit that she was a mommy’s girl. Just for now, until her daddy’s girl side came back out.

Smiling, you cuddled her small body close to you, her arms curled around your neck for some much needed eomma cuddles. “But…. she’s my binna bear…just want a kiss is all.” He sighed out, gently running his hand over her pink sleeper onesie clad back. “Binnie, my sweet sweet husband….you know she’s the biggest daddy’s girl. She clings to you, day in and day out. Not that I'm complaining. I find it adorable, you and your mini. But, she needs momma kisses and cuddles sometimes.” You conceded, gently leaning forward to press your lips to his in a soft kiss. “I know, jagiya. I know,” You soothed back, running his knuckle over your knuckle. “You’re the best wife, eomma and partner anyone could have. I don’t blame her for needing some lovings from you, in fact I want to join,” he giggled.

“Join? Yah, be careful, you sap.” You teased, as he maneuvered himself to be fully wrapped around your side. Much like Binna was cuddled into your shoulder with her cheek pressed against you and her arms curled around your neck; Changbin was wrapped around you. His arms curling around your waist with his head on the opposite shoulder.

Sighing, you turned and kissed a kiss to his forehead before repeating the same to Binna. “Aigo, now I have two cuddly babies, don’t i?” you pondered to yourself. Nodding, Changbin smiled and pressed a soft kiss to the underside of your jaw. “Indeed you do, yeobo. Me and my mini.” situating yourself into a more comfortable position, you leaned to settle your back further into the couch. “Now, how am I going to get up if I have to use the bathroom?” You questioned, feeling him nuzzle further into your side. “We’ll figure that out when we get there, yeobo.” he smiled, his big brown eyes filled with nothing but pure love and adoration for you.

You really do have two babies, in the best way. There was a lot of Changbin’s personality that showed and carried in Binna’s. She got his bubbly personality, his eyes, his laugh and giggle and his love for your love and cuddles.

she was the epitome of a daddy’s girl. She’s tired? Give her to Binnie and she’ll fall asleep in the snap of a finger. She’s upset or fussy? Not when her appa holds her and kisses her cheeks. You made pureed veggies and she won’t eat them? Sure, not when you try to feed her. But, let Changbin feed her and those veggies will be eaten without crying, fussing or a tantrum.

And her favourite plushy? You guessed it….dwaekki.

Curling himself into your side, Changbin laid his head on your shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to the underside of your jaw. Unknowingly, his knee was pressing against your lower region. “Aigo, Changbin-ah. Don’t do that please, my love. Then I’ll have to pee.” You breathed out, wiggling in your spot a bit. “Oops. sorry, jagi.” He nodded, head still tucked into your shoulder as he moved his leg to sit lower. “Thank you baby.” You smiled, pressing a kiss to his nose.

Laying into the couch, you sighed. “At least if I have to go to the bathroom, I can take binna with me.” Wait, Binna goes but not him? Changbin thought to himself. So he pouted and looked up at you.“If you go to the bathroom, I get to go right too?” he asked, settled into your side. “I-what kind of question is that Changbin? Why would you go.” “Well, it only seems fair and right since baby princess gets to go.” this man. He is something, that’s for sure. “Binnie….I love you and all. I do, really but please be so for real.”

Time had passed so fast that neither you or Changbin had realised it was 8 o’clock. Which was Binna’s usual bedtime. So, she would eventually grow sleepy and fall asleep. However, Changbin was still tightly curled around your body. His arms around your waist and one leg thrown over the tops of your thighs.

Changbin had always fallen asleep if he was cuddled to you, and Binna would as well. Well, when she wasn’t in Changbin’s arms. While being so befuddled by your dear husband asking if he was going to the bathroom with you, you had failed to notice how Binna had gone completely relaxed against you and fallen asleep.

Peeking down at her, you smiled to yourself seeing how her eyes had closed, dark eyelashes fanning over her chubby cheeks. While her arms were still curled around your neck, they had gone more lax. A state of sleepiness and relaxation consuming her small body. Her legs were relaxed, lax against your torso. “Awwwww, princess is asleep, bin.” You smiled, gently rubbing her back.

“She is,hm” He smiled, gently lifting his head to see his 10 month old daughter so completely relaxed and at peace in your arms. “Mhm. My cuddles do have that effect. Even on you,binnie. “ It was true. Something abo0ut being in your arms or just curled around you brought a sense of peace and urged anyone to fall asleep within minutes. Especially Binna and Changbin.

Changbin could never place a finger on it as to why your cuddles so easily made him fall asleep. Maybe it was the way you would play with his hair or run your hands up and down the expanse of his back. Maybe it was your soft scent, a scent he knew as home– soft cashmere notes tinged with vanilla and a hint of a light spice. Whatever it was , he would never complain. Often getting the best sleep when he was in your arms or cuddled up to your body and Binna seemed to be the same.

Feeling himself yawn, he nestled his head into your shoulder and pressed a kiss to the space of skin that your shirt didn’t cover. “Sleepy, binnie?” you perched, pressing a kiss to his temple before resting your cheek against his soft black curls. “Mhm,” was all he was able to get out before another yawn cut him off.

His strong arms, once tightly wound around your waist, had loosened their hold. Still, they were holding you and Binna close to him and his leg had relaxed on its spot on your lap. He was almost there, the realm of his dreams creeping upon him and embracing him in their hold. The big brown eyes that had been passed onto his daughter, asleep in your hold, drew closed. His own eyelashes spanning the tops of his cheeks.

Smiling to yourself, you gently manoeuvred your cuddle puddle so you could lay more comfortably on the large plush couch. Binna still safe, tucked against your chest with Changbin curled into your side. Pressing a kiss to his hair, you smiled and repeated the same to Binna’s hair. “Good night, binnie. I love you to the moon and back.”

“I love you too, forever,” was all you heard before falling asleep yourself. Warmly welcomed to the world of dreams where you would see Binna and Binnie, even while asleep.

They were yours forever. Binnie and Binna, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Blessed was an understatement when it comes to the lights of your life.

🌟Hi hi hi! I hope you guys enjoy this fic! I think I am slowly easing my way back into writing so please bear with me! I love you all! My requests are open for drabbles or full fics. Reblogs are appreciated 🌟

🌟REPOSTING ON ANY PLATFORM, STEALING, REPUBLISHING WITHOUT MY CONSENT, TRANSLATING OR IN ANY WAY CLAIMING MY WORKS IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED AND YOU WILL BE BLOCKED🌟©AStraySimp2023 🌟

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#dad!skz #dad!changbin #im back #dad binnie #skz fluff #skz changbin #skz x reader #skz x you #changbin fluff

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andoqin · 10 months

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List of dramas that I am watching or want to watch, just for personal record reasons:

Cdramas:

The ingenious one (36/36): this drama has blown me away so far with its incredibly nuanced and sharp writing, its love stories between all the major couples and the absolutely magnificent cinematography. FINISHED verdict: HIGHLIGHT drama of the year for me so far. Smart, engaging, complicated, peak romance of all sorts, just what the doctor ordered tbh (overly long review can be found in my tags). 9.5

Chang Feng Du (40/40): I did not realise how close to the end I was. This drama is very pleasant and I adore our mains, but sadly except for a few highlights (the early beating gjs put on himself, the destruction of the gu family and the aftermath, the battle for wangdu) the writing hasn’t been able to keep the narrative tension up which is sad. FINSHED verdict: Very pretty and engaging in the beginning kinda loses me in the second half and then fizzles out emotionally, doesn't crash and burn but doesn't exactly stick the landing either 6.5

Gone with the rain (10/30): adore the gremlin4gremlin couple and from the spoilers I’ve seen not gonna adore much else

An ancient love song (1/16): incredible first episode and with only 30 min per ep and 16 eps in total this is gonna be a short fun ride I hope ( with lots of angst and tears naturally).

Here we meet again (18/32): started this for Wu Qian playing to type and Zhang BinBin being pretty but oh boy I’m struggling I just don’t care about the conflicts and in s surprising twist, I like the flashbacks to high school much much more, which is very funny if you think about the fact that the reason I started liking wu qian in the first place was because of her show stealing performance in the flashbacks of My Sunshine. I’ve been promised kisses in the near future so I’m gonna hold out till then but this might end up another drop.

Hidden Love (5/25): this one promises to be v sweet and kinda short but oh my god I have so many dramas on my plate rn so this might end up the first drop.

Till the end of the moon (22/40): I think I watched ep 1 when it started but then I got busy and now I am just staring at gifsets and crying, it’s definitely on the list to watch tho.

Heroes (6?/38): I started this a while ago, was really into it and then got busy… dammit. I might just rewatch the beginning so I can remember most of the set up for sure but man the visuals on this were so good, aaaa liu yuning.

Blood of youth (0/40): the last 12 months really have spoiled us with interesting looking wuxia dramas and this one is definitely on the list, I have been gifbaited once again.

Ray of light (0/30): usually hs dramas are something I avoid, but because I will not be watching the longest promise, for reasons, and bc @storge is a gifmaking temptress, this has made it on the list.

The legend of anle (0/39): Lmao trust YOUKU to screw up the release with bad subs only 1 ep even for vips and no released schedule… but at least I can put this on the backburner for now. Lmao should have known not to trust a youku dilreba drama, the tl has soundingly spoken and I'm gonna avoid this.

Ancient Detective (0/24): I was recced this by a friend when I mentioned my love for wuxia dramas, and since it’s almost shockingly short for a cdrama it’s on the list. EDIT: this got @purplehanfus seal of approval so it is def going up the list and since it's complete I'll probably at least watch it before the ongoing ones.

Butterflied love (0/22): see I barely made this post and already forgot about the screencap that got me started on writing it, the screencapa look great, but the drama is on mango, so who knows when I’ll truly be able to watch this

When I fly towards you (0/24): Well, I wasn't interested bc modern youth drama, but then I heard it described as "updated It Started with a Kiss" and... I'm weak? ISWAK was pretty much my crack gateway into asian dramas and while IDK if i could rewatch it today, something in me will always love this kind of story. Maybe it's like a quick palate cleanser in between since apparently eps are only about 30 mins.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook(0/40): CHENG YIIIII, in a possibly bromantic role? Or maybe het romance, I'll take it all. Plus I've already seen he's bleeding copious amounts as per his contract, so that's most of the checklist done.

Lost You Forever (0/??): because nature abhors a vacuum I apparently must have?? A minimum to watch pile and this actually and genuinely looks good??? A Yang Zi drama in 2023??? The mind boggles. Anyway I've been reading the recaps with delight, and am def going to watch this when part two airs in a couple of months but until then I have a thankful reprieve...

Kdramas:

See you in my 19th life (4/12): since kdramas release so slowly this is on the backburner but it does have some great gifsets that keep enticing meee

King the land (2/16): I am watching this for junho but it is kinda hard bc I have so much else on my plate and while I don’t mind a classic romcom type story I feel I need a bit more of an emotional hook

Story of the nine-tailed 1938 (0/16): so so many gorgeous and hilarious gifsets so little time. I loved season one so so much and the fact that this focuses on the brotherly relationship?? Extremely smart writing decisions were made!

The red sleeve (0/16): I blame @dangermousie for this she keeps reblogging angsts junho on my dash and I am but god’s weakest warrior.

Love tractor (0/8): gay himbo farmboy falls in love?? You bet this is on the list

Lady durian (0/?): ok this is only on the list for crack reasons but, daughter in law is in love with mother in law and both women are like 40+ truly kdramas have entered a new era and I kinda wanna be here for that

EDIT: Revenant (0/12): Kim Tae Ri in a spooky drama? POSSIBLY POSSESSED KIM TAE RI??? how could i forget to put her on this list, plus it was written by the Kingdom writer and I adore that drama plus it's only 12 eps which is smart in this case so... let's hope i get to it at some point D:

My dearest (2/20): I checked this out because it's got pretty much everything going for it from a production standpoint and boy did the first two eps deliver. This has got 2 seasons though so I'll probably wait until the second season is airing, since it won't be too long till season 2 or so the internet tells me.

My lovely liar (0/16): minhyun learned to act and I wanna see it happen!!

Jdramas:

Our dining table (2/10): ok this category is gonna be a bit shorter bc I haven’t watched too much drama recently but omg the gifs for this I am just crying thinking about it they look so cute??

Jack o‘frost (0/6): people have recced it and it’s short so here it is.

Utsukushii kare s2 (0/4): Season 1 was an unexpected delight so I hope s2 works just as well.

She loves to cook and she loves to eat (0/10): the manga for this is amazing (and hungry making) so I hope this adaptation holds up.

Ok this list is in no way exhaustive (well except for me being exhausted just trying toward this down) and probably subject to change ( I haven’t even looked at thaidramas or twdramas I gotta stop for now) but hopefully this will keep me on the ball and maybe I can add to it whenever a new tempting gifset crosses my dash…

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frecklystars · 1 year

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Omg not to overwhelm you or anything but look how much progress you're making!!! I know it's not fun to look back at the past but comparing your original post where you came back to now, can you see the difference? Or at least feel it? I know it's been around maybe a week since then(maybe, I'm kinda horrible with time) but look at you go lady!! You're simultaneously taking your time/precautions while almost speed running it and I'm so happy to see it

Oh thank you! HAHA "taking your time while almost speedrunning" made me laugh. Yeah I literally thought to myself yesterday that I think I'm like, 70% okay with the color pink most days now??? I've been flinching seeing it since January, now I only flinch on my Really Bad Days! or I'm handling it at least much better than I used to when I get anxious seeing it, I'm able to ground myself much easier. Which is great! I love pink, I don't want to flinch at it, I want to enjoy it. Now I only get the flashbacks when seeing that color if I'm having a rly rly bad/fragile day. I know I can't look at any pink transformer right now (so sorry Arcee and Elita-1 my wives 😔) but I can look at Princess Bubblegum and Pinkie Pie without any problems now. So that might be healing... knock on wood...

I'm hoping I can have that same improvement with the clothes I associated with my abuser too, I've been actually thinking about purchasing a JBWKZ crop top and wearing my shorts/boots with it when I'm alone in the house for maybe 10 minutes on a good day and seeing if that helps me overcome the trigger. Psychologists say it takes 30 days to break or form a habit, if I did that for 30 days I might feel so much better. Or at least, I will feel more in control. Or I can draw my S/I wearing Charlie Watson's outfits, or Marceline's outfits, bc they wear that same type of clothing... I've been trying to draw my S/I in a red cloak when she's with Steeljaw, like trying to view it as a little red riding hood thing, something safe. It's still really hard for me but god I want to get better so bad. I will do anything to make the ptsd go away. I am 100% willing to look at these things every single day (if I know I'm in a safe enough headspace to allow the feelings to wash over me instead of consume me) if it makes the healing process go faster. I hate feeling this way, I am so angry that someone made me like this. I want myself back, I miss Me more than anything else in the world and I am getting Me back!!! no matter what!!!

I was having a rly rly rly bad day yesterday so I was offline the whole day (my queue is always rolling, all the happy tags you see on my reblogged posts are from almost a year ago). And I was like, dang I'm never getting better, I'm stuck like this forever, I just want back what was stolen from me blahblahblah the usual depressed spiral, I felt that way a bit today too after waking up :( my anxiety is so present right now, there is SO much dread in my chest it feels like there's a physical weight on it. But I used to feel like this EVERY day! I've had 3 days in the last 10 days where I didn't have an anxiety attack even once! That's so big for me!!! Sometimes I wake up feeling shaky but the dread/weight of anxiety is not as strong, and I consider those days easier to work with. And I used to have days where nothing was "easier to work with" it was just hell. I wouldn't say that I'm feeling so much better than before, I am still really hurting, but I am feeling better! which is something!

And yeah you're right, if you compare how I was like, crying while writing my pinned, fully believing nobody was going to be there for me, I was like "I'm gonna write this whole vent post to explain where I went, nobody will believe me, I'll open 5 commission slots to pay off the most recent hospital bill and then I'll leave again and no one will have to care bc I'm not worth caring about" (which wasn't just a self depreciative depression thing, that was like, a genuine belief that was instilled into me for so long). And then immediately I got bombarded with people giving me the kindest words. I got almost 250 messages in the span of just 4 days, all of them people saying they want me to get better and that they hear me, they see me, they are acknowledging what I went through. I spent so long isolated with one single person who put me down continuously, and my family who truly did not feel concerned when I was trying to end my life. I did not expect people to be kind to be because I was conditioned to believe I'm not worthy of kindness. So the fact that I was able to go on my blog and receive that almost immediately? I actually felt like myself for a solid 6 hours the other day because people were writing nice comments on my art and telling me they want me to reclaim my TF F/Os and they're cheering for me. I didn't think I could accomplish something like that, feeling like myself I mean, bc I've been feeling so bad for so so long. I really hope I still have the capability of improving from here.

I'm still very numb most days and I've been masking my feelings trying to be rly enthusiastic with my public responses, putting a bunch of hearts and smiley faces when answering asks... today I'm struggling a bit, but I think I have improved at the same time. even if it's just a little, the improvement is visible to me and that gives me hope.

#anonymous #asks #keepsake #hahaha im speedrunning this healing process [finn voice] boyEEEE #hell yeah you ARE right anon. look at me go #looking at me right now compared to january. jesus christ #for me the biggest difference will be IF i can self ship again #so im not noticing the other differences like... how im handling my triggers #im having a bad day today so im actually kinda struggling to see my progress #but like. im sure theres more im not seeing

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audiovisualrecall · 2 months

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Had a meltdown of sorts but not my usual screaming destructive frustrated meltdown, more of an emotional release and actually expressing myself, but in a distinctly neuroatypical way. So. Not really a meltdown but feels similar? Or maybe I was on the edge of a meltdown but I turned it into more productive crying and communicating instead simply by luck. I think that's more accurate. An averted meltdown crying session. In which I acknowledged out loud that things are different for me and are going to be different from the 'usual' 30 year old, because I am disabled. Like that's not giving up or acting younger than my age to acknowledge that my disabilities- autism + adhd (+anxiety+depression) make things different for me. They're disabilities bc they are disabling to varying extents and varying times.

My sister awhile ago told me I should move out, and on one hand I want to be independent and not feel like a child when I'm with our parents, and I've never lived away from home for more than a week, and i get that in her opinion as the child who went the farthest from home more than once, that experience of living away from home was good for her and her growth and independence, she thinks trying for that goal by the same method would be good for me too.

But the aspects of my disabilities that are disabling are the things that would make moving out and living on my own or even with roommates anywhere from somewhat difficult to meltdown-inducing stressful with negative results (in other words I could go the opposite direction and retreat from independence more bc it scary and difficult and if I'm not good at something right away I give up bc it feels bad!) I can barely manage to make all these phone calls to try to get my medication, I haven't even looked into how my new dental coverage works and didn't call my dentist back and only listened to their voicemail yesterday bc I got stressed out about everything, I have at least one maybe two bills or more overdue to my Dr's office that I have the ability to pay but just haven't taken care of and just can't get myself to do it, I paid for driving lessons over 2 years ago and still haven't called them back to schedule the lessons between being busy and overthinking everything to do with the phone call and the scheduling and the lessons themselves, I struggle to keep my cat's litterboxes clean, I struggle to make sure I shower, I'm struggling to keep up brushing my teeth after starting twice or 3x a day back after my dental surgery in now at 1x a day because I'm always in a rush in the mornings and I have to remind myself to brush before bed *every single time*, I overthink and then fail to respond to messages/texts/emails constantly, I forgot I was going out on the sales floor to help a customer at work yesterday completely bc I got distracted and they waited 10+ mins for me going back and forth to customer service and were very unhappy, i cant get myself to go to bed on time or do a million other things, etc etc etc.

On top of that, I actually *like* spending time with my parents and I'm aware they're getting older, they're not Old, but older. I don't want to throw away time I can spend with them on this idea that I need to live on my own to be independent or just to act my age, like there aren't other 30 yr olds living at home. (My mom lived at home until she got married, sure she went away to college, yes, but still came back and lived at home after that. My dad probably also lived at home until they got married, and hes older than my mom by 2 yrs.) There's nothing so inherently not-independent about living at home as an adult.

Also steph thinks that our parents deserve or need to live alone just the two of them, and do everything alone, as if I'm always spending time with them? Plenty of times I do my own thing while they go somewhere and do something on their own. 'Second honeymoon' she called what she thinks they should have, but they can and have and will go up to the cape just the two of them whenever they want to. I came with them this past one time bc I needed a vacation too and also was too anxious to stay alone and also I hadn't seen the place up there yet at all. They don't mind me spending time with them or living at home, and if they want or need to do their own thing without ne they will and have and can say so! But anyway the idea suggests me needing support for my disabilities is somehow impinging on their ability to live the retired life, like it implies I should feel bad or try to not make them put up with me too much or something. But the fact is I AM disabled and I DO need support and they are my support system at the moment. That doesn't change just because I'm 30 now. I may or may not need the same support for the rest of my life, I don't know, and yes I know they won't be with me for my whole life (tho my zayde was around for 60+ years of my mom's life and 30+ years of it with her as an adult, so), but focusing on the here and now this is where I'm at right now, and I'm the future I can develop other support systems and I can branch out further and further over time, I think I've come a long way since I was 20 let alone 25, even if it doesn't always feel like it, and in other ways I'm struggling more, for different reasons, but anyway. I'm not a burden on my parents and I shouldn't feel the need to remove that burden from their retired life, bc it wouldn't be in my Own best interests to do so! And I'm allowed to be selfish and do what's best for me as long as it works for my parents as well. And it does.

There are still ways I can work on being independent, I try a little bit more all the time and push myself a little bit, and that's okay.

I don't need to do what steph thinks I ought to as a 30 yr old and I don't need to shrink myself from being a problem for my parents by doing things that won't be right for me right now, when I'm not a problem or a burden I just need their support.

And again I do like spending time with them, sometimes I get frustrated with them and with the expectation I'll just continue doing things the same way we always have, for example with dinners, but it also just makes sense like. If dad cooks bc he likes cooking and is best at it, then it makes sense to eat together at the same time when it's fresh and hot off the pan, no need to insist on my own separate time and meal, when it's efficient to est the same meal and together.

Anyway just...thinking and coming to terms but in a positive way, accepting I am disabled and that that's okay.....

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heartfucksmouth · 2 months

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just crying silently while holding a finally-sleeping baby (20 lbs and 2.5 feet tall baby) who refused to nap longer than 30 mins today and has emotional tantrums like a 2 yr old, complete with throwing their bodies backwards and biting lolol this poor kiddo just wants to be a big people

I think I'm just crying bc I'm so tired and feeling a lot of conflicting emotions about literally everything in life. like why does the world continue to spiral out in flames and I feel like I'm in survival mode when all I've wanted to do for 4 years is actually LIVE and THRIVE and, now, raise my child to be a good human but everything is isolating and a fucking battle to get done and I feel lonely and I can't even spend time with my partner or focus on myself I feel like time is constantly running out, money is running out, kindness is running out, and my brain cells can't even function anymore.

like. being a mom and being ill is really fucking hard. as if that's a surprise, but I'm so overwhelmed anticipating the next 3 months bc I've got 10 more appointments this month alone, plus an endoscopy and my pre-op is in MAY and I'm gonna have fucking hip surgery while I have a 1 year old who will probably definitely be walking lmao

also the world is on fire, did I say that? myles hours got cut at ups bc they're greedy fucks and we simultaneously lost our food stamps bc he made too much money during holiday season and I've been waiting over a month for my new application to get filed and I'm basically living on coffee smoothies electrolytes and whatever his mom cooks for dinner. at least I can kind of feed my kid tho even tho he wants solid food already bc on the inside he's a 30 yr old and WIC only pays for formula + purees.

day by day. hour by hour. it's all I can do. I'm so. fuvking. sick of burning out 2 days after I finally recover. I have so much more to say but no energy to form words anymore.

parenting is so fucking triggering it's wild. today wasn't even all that bad, either, but everything reminds me of my past right now. and I continue having to mask and play nice with a literal energy vampire that we live with sooooo

editing to add that I am still extremely obsessed with my son , he's beautiful and his laughter is like a drug I've never experienced and he looks like a literal cherub when he sleeps but holy shit let's start being honest about parenting too. this world doesn't make ANYTHING easy for most people...

#personal #also NOW IM SUPPOSED TO PLAN AIDANS FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY?? good god everything is triggering my childhood bullshi

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andie-cake · 1 year

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top five favorite hatchetfield moments?

oooohohoho okay, this is gonna have to be in no particular order bc i got A Lot

the ending of honey queen. i popped the fuck off when i realized what was going on, just the foreshadowing that led up to it all and the atmosphere throughout the whole thing was fucking incredible. honey queen is so so good, still hands-down my fave nmt story

the entire "who will pray for me" section of nerdy prudes' title number. will and jon's performances here are incredible and their voices sound great together, and the whole "don't kill me, i'm not a nerdy prude! i'm not a loser!", "of course not. but you have lost everything" bit makes my brain vibrate at mach 7. also, on the note of richie's death, fuckin' shout-out to jon for having to do that death scream like 3 separate times in the show.

the final 20-25, maybe 30 or so minutes of black friday. basically, everything from the beginning of the title number to the end credits. the first time i watched black friday, it was with a friend about 10-12 hours after it was uploaded to youtube. that entire day was a blast, but watching this ending stretch with her and not knowing how things would play out and just being utterly silent with anticipation during the final three songs (namely what if tomorrow comes) was absolutely incredible. i haven't spoken with or seen this friend since like, late 2020, and i think this was the last time she visited my house before we drifted apart, so it stands out in my head now as an especially nice memory.

can i cheat and say like, basically every key moment of forever and always and time bastard? nmt s1 ep2 made me feel some indescribable fucking emotions during the initial stream, and trying to pin all that down to one moment is an impossible task. like. if i gotta be specific, then special shout-out to the ending of time bastard + its transition into peanuts! playing over the end credits. in the words of the unnamed corey dorris cop from npmd (and also my blog title), fuckin' transcendent. i felt like i was in another dimension by the end of that night.

i gotta make this one a tie between holloway's "death" in killer track and the cool as i think i am/if i loved you reprise in npmd. these two have been the closest that hatchetfield has gotten to making me cry (the ending of yellow jacket also came super duper close tho), and i couldn't just pick one.

there's others, obviously, but those were the ones that immediately sprung to mind. just. god. when hatchetfield hits, it really fuckin' hits, man.

#hatchetfield #npmd spoilers

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itstheghostofmypast · 2 years

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BABES

BABEBABEBABE

So, I HAD THE WOSRT 24 HRS EVER-

MY SCHOOL HAS THIS GOSSIP GIRL PAGE AND YESTERDAY AT SOME 4:30, SHE/HE POSTS ABOUT ME AND THIS GUY I LIKE-

WHO DOESN'T KNOW I LIKE HIM-

OBVIOUSLY I STARTED CRYING, AND WAS YELLING AT ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE TRYING TO COMFORT ME-

THE GUY DOESN'T LIKE ME BACK, UNFORTUNATELY-

BUT IT WAS SO EMBRASSING-

ALSO, THE PERSON WHO GAVE THE ANONYMOUS TIP HAD TO HAVE BEEN ONE OF MY FRIENDS, WHICH IS UPSETTING.

ALSO, THEY SPELLED MY NAME WRONG... AND TAGGED THE WRONG GUY IN THE POST

BUT ANYWAY, THE GUY WHO IT WAS ABOUT POSTED THE POST ON HIS STORY WITH A WINKY FACE, AND I SHARED HIS STORY ON MY STORY WITH A "HMU ;)"

ALSO, NOW I'M PRETENDING TO DATE THIS GIRL I KNOW SO PEOPLE DON'T EMBARRASS ME-

ALSO, I GOT STUCK IN THE LIFT FOR SOME 10 MINUTES-

AND TRIPPED 10 TIMES-

GOSH, IT WAS HORRIBLE AND UPSETTING-

... yeah, that's it... wbuuuu?

*sorry about any typos, I am very upset-*

OH.MY.GOD.

I would literally sniff out WHOEVER OWNS THAT PAGE AND SQUARE UP WITH THEM. - but like spelling your name wrong is just ..I'm 🤡...AT LEAST GET THEM FACTS STRAIGHT.

Dear child, may you be BLESSED WITH PEACE THIS WEEKEND BC THAT WAS SOME DAY. IM JUST-🌞 YOU BRAVE AF🌞 , I WOULD'VE SOBBED IN PUBLIC😶‍🌫️🫠🥴

YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET

ALSO, LOOK FOR THE SNAKE IN YOUR CIRLCE AND JUST ┻┻︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵┻┻ IM TELLING YOU. BULLIES N GOSSIP SPREADERS NEED TO BE CONFRONTED AND

PUNCHED IN THE FACE

Well, my week was chaotic as FUVK. I WAS VERY CLOSE TO THROWING MANY FOLKS OUTTA CLASS- INlcuding the woman teaching us the course even though thats not her specialisation. It was super hot and humid- and I had 8 am classes EVERY FUCKING DAY

#my poor child #❤️🥺

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babycatlix · 1 year

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hi friends 💖

sorry i’ve been more MIA than usual. it’s finals week at my university, so that means we’ve been super busy since last friday helping all the design students print their final projects. i managed to escape on friday at 3pm, when i’m supposed to leave. but these last 2 days i've stayed late.

long post ahead and tw: talk about anxiety, panic attacks and trigger words. there will be a TL;DR at the end if the above tw triggers you in any way.

this week however, i’ve stayed late and it has only been 2 days of this and i am absolutely drained. today was terrible, i almost had a panic attack. there’s a project that i need to work on, that isn’t student related (it is university related), but i’m supposed to help the students that come in first. so i was trying to work on it little by little while there was space between students bc the job needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon.

but then when i was helping a student, the machine we use to make booklets wasn’t working. i was getting frustrated and had printed the booklet 5 times already, ruining each one as the machine kept jamming. then one of my managers went to change the paper in the printer i was using, without asking or saying anything (something we regularly do), and i guess i sounded more panicked than i intended, but her words made me panic more. she kept telling me to “relax” and “to chill out” i know her intention was to help and calm me down, but those are some of my trigger words and phrases. i could feel my anxiety building. usually, i just let the panic and anxiety attacks happen bc it helps me release tension. but i pushed it down this time, bc there really just wasn’t time for me to disappear for 10–30 minutes to have the panic attack. i did not address this with her as there really wasn’t time to and i know she didn’t mean any harm. but i also have this fear that if i tell ppl my trigger words, they’ll be used against me in the future. this has happened to me before and i am so much more cautious about doing it. i know it can help ppl navigate my anxiety, but i don’t feel comfortable doing this and i don’t want ppl walking on eggshells around me.

anyway, the day went on, i didn’t get home until 6pm. my parents returned from their trip (which i was also anxious about) and i told them about my day. this is why i usually just let panic and anxiety attacks happen, bc as i was telling my parents, my anxiety bubbled up again and my dad was trying to be helpful, but he was just making me more anxious and i almost had the attack, which now would be an anxiety attack. i told him, “please stop giving me suggestions,” which he kindly did and said, “sorry, let me know if i can get you anything.” and he left me alone, which i greatly appreciated. i went to my room with my cat to try and decompress, maybe have the anxiety attack alone. instead, i took a short nap. i do feel a little better after a very quiet evening.

i think what mostly happened when i had my almost panic attack was i was having noise overstimulation. the printers we use are very loud and when both are going, the fans are so loud, we frequently have to ask customers to speak up when they ask us questions by the printers. add in 5–10 students asking for help, talking, us talking and helping. oh and stress, lots of stress. i am learning that i have become very sensitive to sound. i’ve always been kind of sensitive to sound, i used to have extreme astraphobia (fear of thunder and lightning), i still do, but i used to scream and cry when it would thunder. it's not that bad now that i'm older, i’m just a little jumpy when thunder is really loud. i also have phonophobia (fear of loud noises), which was bad when i was younger, i couldn’t be in loud crowds, i would give myself panic attacks from how overwhelmed i was. these days, loud, unexpected noises make me jump and sometimes i cover my ears.

i’m not sure if my new sensitivity is due to being so close to the printer now, but my tinnitus is so much more noticeable these days and loud sounds make me jump more than usual. i noticed it more when i went to the movies over the weekend and the movie was too loud. that has never happened. at first when i thought this was my problem, i thought i was being dramatic, but going to the movies really solidified how i was feeling. the movie was still enjoyable, but it was just a little too loud for me. i’ve ordered some loop earplugs to hopefully help me with this new issue.

TL;DR: work has been very overwhelming this week and i have become more sensitive to sound.

it's totally okay if you didn't read any of that too. i'm just here talking into the void, it helps me decompress and better understand my anxiety.

i hope you're having a good week, stay safe out there, and stay hydrated my friends! 💖

#🐱 rambles

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nelly-wants-to-b-skinny · 11 months

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I've been wanting to do this but I'll just do it all together :)

1. weight- 185, chest- 41.2, waist-34.0, hips-44.0, thighs- 28.0

2. 5'5, yes im totally okay with my height tbh

3. we have a very similar body type so i feel like it's the most realistic for me

4. tbh just losing my dd boobs that's it.

5. im tired of being the big and ugly friend, i owe it to my young chubby self to finally be pretty.

6. define binge lol. to me if I eat normally i define that as binge. but tbh I don't think I actually binge idk.

7. yes they do, however they don't know how far I'm willing to go. but they don't. they're actually happy I am.

8. i would do cardio 3 times a week, and then do core 2 times a week, but now im doing chloe ting workouts so :))

9. 100% all the time, I've hears it ever since grade school tbh, and it's literally ruined who I am and my relationship with food.

10. i guess my love for baking, it's been really hard baking for my friends and family and not having the opportunity to have these things yk.

11. lol i don't have one hahaha.

12. hmm that's a good question, i usually stick to fruits i try to stay away from meat and dairy, however it's not always easy. but for a good day, I'll have my black coffee in the morning and then like a garden salad in the afternoon.

13. definitely unhealthy lmao, I will starve myself until I lose as much weight as I can.

14. 120lbs, it used to be 140 but that's how much my sis weighs and I wanna be smaller than her

15. I'm neither but I seriously am considering going vegetarian bc I didn't eat meat for 3 days and lost literally 7lbs so I just might.

16. I've always tried to lose weight, yk go on a diet, work out, however this year I realized I was going to go on vacation and I needed to look pretty for my pictures so I decided to go back to my old habits and I triggered my ed, it took some time like 2 months until eventually in the end of March I started thinking the same way once again. I would starve and calculate calories.

17. im not sure. I don't want to say yes since I'm not diagnosed, but I will say I have disordered eating 100%.

18. cheese. ik ppl are gonna scream, but I love it so much lol.

19. hmm actually a while back I think like a couple weeks ago maybe I month.

20. ballerina diet ahhh or maybe the iu diet.

21. triggered. lol I'm usually a L/XL for jeans I'm a 14. bra size is 38DD.

22. damn idk bruh, I remember when I used to be 160, that's the lowest number I can remember, that's when I started weighing myself and it ruined me. I don't remember gaining weight tbh, I think it was when I was recovering.

23. absolutely. growing up I watched eugenia a lot and i loved kpop in ms so I would always wonder what it would be like to be skinny like them.

24. uh i don't like them, but that's me personal. I'm not someone to encourage this illness to someone else.

25. yes. I've done it multiple times. my first time was at a party actually. I had eaten 3 slices of pizza and my stomach hurt rlly bad I had told my friend and she told me she'd find me laxatives or smth I told her no. so I hard searched up what to do and I found a reddit form about purging I did exactly that and threw up as much as I could. it was so bad I was crying bc I felt to bad but my stomach felt better. I think that's when I realized I could enjoy my food but also not consume calories.

26. CLOTHES. finally getting to wear what I want and look pretty no matter what. ugh I can't wait.

27. i try to slip into a mentality of like food isn't fuel it's trash, and it's gonna make you rot.

28. I'd love to, i want to lose as much thigh fat as possible I don't think i could think bc of my family genes

29. anything but me. I don't think beauty can be defined. to me beauty is a subjective what is beautiful to me is not beautiful to you.

30. im hispanic. i have curly hair. im bi. i have a gf. i like to bake. i can't swim. i have insomnia. i have social anxiety. i love kpop. coffee is my bsf.

#bonespø #ed but not sheeran #i wanna be thinner #tw ana shit #ana and mia #st@rve #i wanna be perfect #tw ana diary #tw ana fast #i want to be small #skinsp0 #tw ed diet #tw ed implied #tw restrictive ed #eating disoder trigger warning #tw disordered eating

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the7thcrow · 11 months

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*inhale* RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJKHGTRRXDFCGVNHJ<HKGJYTFRDGXDVC VBNHKYJGTRFDGFCB VBN WHAT IS THIS CLIFF HANGER I HATE YOU (i dont actually ofc just kinda dislike you for doing that 😐(but its okay cuz i actually luv u 😘😋) BUT PLEASE ISTG IF WE DONT GET ANOTHER CHAPTER OF NATGIG SOON I WILLL JUMP OFF A FACKIN CLIFF KJYTFCG VBHGYTF sorry had to get that off my chest.... anygays chapter 10 of natgig is so good i was crying and then i had to close my mouth cuz my jaw was on the floor.. its 1:30 am and i stayed up to read the chapter LOL #worthit the whole thing was just so well written. my fav fic as of now. this chapter has done it for me i am obsessed... anyway tysm for writing and take ur time writing the next chapter (but also dont (but do) (but also do it fast im gonna come for your soul if u dont👹) jkjk ofc all jokes (or are they👀) i check ur blog every day to see if youve posted and when you do omg i get so excited to read it 🤭 anyway again tysssssm for writing i love your fic so much and ty for reading this if you do :3 i hope you have a super good day <3 (sorry for anything misspelled im typing this in the dark and cant see my keyboard 💀💀(yes i typed this on a my laptop its a serious matter 🙄) luv u)

- ais <3

okay first, the contradicting double brackets in this have me rolling lmao, i'm glad this last chapter has you so excited. frankly, I also hope I have the next chapter up soon, bc I'm really dying to write it. ngl, it's going to be a big one 🥴 . it'll still be a few weeks at least, but hopefully I can power through and get it up as soon as possible.

sorry for the cliff-hanger though SJXJSFUH. I had to do it, would have been too long otherwise. besides, I think it keeps all of you hooked, dontcha think?😇

lolol anyway, thx so much for reading and always being so excited, I love to see people just as crazy about natgig as I am. in the meantime, hope you're doing well <3 xx

#ais anon #natgig feedback #asks

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andnatiabrosca · 1 year

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I posted 331 times in 2022

That's 331 more posts than 2021!

49 posts created (15%)

282 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dungeons-and-dragon-age

@notebooks-and-laptops

@merrybandofmurderers

@bearsizedant

@thebimbobaggins

I tagged 139 of my posts in 2022

#birch speaks - 34 posts

#oc: natia brosca - 23 posts

#dao - 17 posts

#birch originals - 11 posts

#dai - 8 posts

#alistair - 7 posts

#dragon age - 7 posts

#natia 30 days - 7 posts

#da2 - 6 posts

#zevran - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#an early microsoft flight simulator? i think? i have no idea what it was called. i think it had a driving mode too. played that one a lot

My Top Posts in 2022:

Zevran for the blorbo bingo? :]

aalkdjfsljs THANK YOU

(I'm gonna ramble a second, sorry: I just submitted a research proposal draft that was Terrible bc the prof clearly HATED my selection so I just did brief (250 word) proposals on 4 different topics and he gets to pick which, because crying over it is Not It, so ask to love on Zev is. 'Preciated!!!!)

(Also, today/tomorrow is my birthday [due to scheduling error, birthday is two days this year] so. not a good look on the birthday)

Okay: Completed, properly for once:

(I found a new pen I like for text on Krita so I've been using it on everything sue me)

Brief discussion:

He's feral and eats trash and is a bastard (affectionate). Of course. He's like my cat, Pirate Bastard.

Every character I like is now autistic. His SpIn is social interaction. Because it was useful. His secondary SpIn is probably leather tanning, but he hasn't had a good chance for it.

If someone says Zev doesn't need therapy, they need therapy. Likewise, Angst out the door; I relate to him TOO MUCH. Sorry.

I think it's funny if he's perpetually lost. I think it's funny that's all.

And yeah, chihuahua energy because he is Small and Vibrates and Nat carries him around in a purse (spiritually). I think he has Dachshund energy really, but that doesn't quite work. Small, says he's dangerous, but really he just wants to be held in front of the fire while you read a book

4 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

I'm going to try streaming at different times this week! I'll ping here beforehand - I'm streaming on discord so that my computer doesn't explode

come by the server if interested:

I don't know how to run a server/use bot integration so PLEASE let me know if stuff is weird, thanks!

4 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

Leliana for the character bingo? :]

Ended up doing this on my phone so I would Actually Do It so not the most legible lolol. (And I missed with one! It should be "I NEVER want to meet them" instead of "they've never done anything wrong"

I liked leli a whole lot the first time I played but it really has changed since. First time I played I was trying very hard to be Straight and Catholic so she was...illuminating to say the least

But frankly, while I adore her whole arc, I think it really plays best as a mirror to other arcs/as an illumination of her relationship with others & especially the chantry itself. I don't...find her particularly compelling standing alone. I think a huge part of that is her Super Religious shtick.

I generally just think of her as a contrast to Nat (Brosca) and Cassandra, actually

Basically, I am extremely queer and do love her whole thing, but she is just too earnest in her fantasy catholicism to be really important to me

5 notes - Posted August 8, 2022

I keep dying trying to play the battle of denerim and it is really making it hard to finish the game TT

5 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ended up doing the ship template for Natia and her crew. my handwriting is Atrocious on tablet, I am Aware.

(Not solid on any of these. Idea from @/dungeons-and-dragon-age, unsure if they want tagged, so not doing so)

Template || picrew

7 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #birch speaks

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nicistrying · 2 years

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Mon 19th Sep:

This might be a bit of a long post!

Apologies I've been MIA, last week was probably the roughest week at work I've ever had. Skeleton staff as everyone was on holiday, including the deputy manager who is back tomorrow after 10 days off. And then the store manager was going on holiday Friday to the following Monday so there was just me to run the store while both of them were away. And then the Queen died so everyone "got the day off" but myself and another lad had to go in this morning bc obviously deliveries weren't cancelled. So we had to work 6-10am to work stock and receive the delivery. And rearrange a load of processes we usually do on a Monday so they'd either be done Sunday or Tuesday. It was just a whole thing but because both of my managers were away it fell to me to organise all this. Which would have been fine if not for...

Me already having had to cover another store from 4am-1pm Tuesday, and then go to our store bc Uncle Manager was at breaking point. Ended up working a 12 hour day which I know is normal in lots of jobs but bc I had been up since 2.30am it was just rough

Two members of staff having butted heads with each other and then also with Uncle Manager just literally bc of stupid misunderstandings between them all

Me trying to mediate between everyone, failing horribly. Arguments coming to a head with Uncle Manager leaving his keys and walking out. Me being left to pick up the pieces: finding cover for the evening and the next day, discussing with the other staff involved to try to get to the bottom of wtf the problem was, keeping the store running in general, keeping a happy face on for all the other staff who were blissfully unaware of all this. Uncle Manager of course came back and talked it out with the person he'd argued with, for 2 hours upstairs while I was on the shop floor keeping everything together, making sure everyone else got their breaks, dealing with phone calls and customers etc.

The next day everything was apparently fine but I was emotionally exhausted from having had to take everything on my shoulders. I ended up breaking down in tears to Uncle Manager and saying I thought it was really unfair the situations I'd been put in this week and that I had done well to keep it together but now I was also at breaking point. He was nice about it and apologised for the way he'd acted etc and let me go home early.

Saturday idek what happened. Everything was fine all morninv until the newly signed off team leader came in in a horrible mood and was just being a dick. I don't have a better way to say it. He was storming around as though he knew everything, everything anyone said was a personal dig at him, another team leader (with 30 years more experience than him) was 'undermining his authority' and he kept shouting at me about how fed up he was every time I tried to speak to him calmly. So I ended up snapping and saying look if you want to talk about authority, I am in charge. I'm asking you to do something, go and do it. It was awful. I've never had to actually confront anyone at work and it was so shit. The other team leader was coming to me crying bc of the way he spoke to her and I was just going between the two of them trying to sort it out, an hour after my shift had ended.

Sooo that's been work. It's been honestly horrific. And I can't help but wish I'd been more firm tbh and given him a proper warning that if he speaks to anyone like that again at work it'll be escalated. But I'll discuss it with the dep manager tomorrow anyway and see what she says.

So yesterday when I finally had a day off, I was determined to work out to relieve some stress. So I did and I had a great workout and it made me feel so much better. A little flex for @idratherberunning49 !!

I then spent my afternoon writing up a professional account of the shit storm of a week I'd had and logged that as a learning experience for my apprenticeship. Then I called my sister for 2 hours and we had a really cathartic vent about work, kids, family, everything. It was so good.

Today (Monday) me and the hot-head worked 6-10am just to get the delivery in and we had a really productive morning. I'm happy with what we got done. He had a few stupid little snipes about other staff but I just ignored him. Again I wish I'd said 'I will not tolerate you thinking you can talk to / about other people like that, we are a team and you are not the be all and end all. Wind your neck in' buuut I'm a pussy tbh. And I was keeping him in relatively good spirits by just setting an example of having a positive attitude and getting on with my job. Hoping he'll take something from it. Came home and had a lovely walk in the sunshine with Maggie, lunch with Matthew before he went to work, and now am going to do a couple hours of coursework and from maybe 4pm I'll say is chill time to do some yoga, start Christmas shopping, read my book etc. Hope everyone is well! Also, a selfie for the lovely @jenthebug thanks for tagging me! I'll tag @therambl3r @zombie-apocalypse-training @therunnymoonsover haven't seen you guys in a while!

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