#basically what im saying is go read it

[colin-robinsons-cardigan]

More Castlevania fanart! This time for the wonderful fic The Heart’s Blood which is part of the bigger collection, Team Succeed or Die Trying by @biblichor (hope that’s the correct one, there are in fact two biblichors) which you can read here, and you should read it because it is wonderful. It is sweet, it is funny, it is touching, all of the characters are written perfectly, and it is one of the best Castlevania works I’ve read.

#castlevania #castlevania anime #castlevania netflix #alucard #adrian tepes #trevor belmont #castlevania fanart #it is sooo good and it might kick your heart around a little bit #but in a nice way like a football you really like #i believe that is a kickball for americans #and unlike most footballs it will not leave your heart to rot in the bottom of the garden #basically what im saying is go read it #experience the feelz #you wont regret it #its also really funny in places #did i say i really like this collection? #i really like this collection #tw blo0d #tw blood #tw bl0od #cw bl00d #cw blood

[hanzajesthanza]

andrzej sapkowski in the witcher presents his reader with many curious and refreshing takes on the fantasy genre, such as "what if dragons were good" and "what if elves were incels"

#i joke it's more like what if the ethereal being had angsty mournful man feelings #that he has feelings but can't work through them because #overemotionality is considered base and human so he's basically been bottling all of this for centuries #the elbow-high diaries #plus that his only purpose was really to be with lara and now she's gone and so what does that make him #i'm not getting all MRA lmaoooo what i'm saying is that there needs to be two to make a baby so he was one-half of that #and destiny didn't work out as planned so ... this is all that's left #reading ch 5 of lotl for the first time: THIS IS SO MESSED UP WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO CIRI!!! #reading ch 5 of lotl again and again: my god EVERYONE here is so messed up and SAD. well except eredin #eredin is like cool im gonna go fight a unicorn #'what are you talking about he wanted to kill auberon?' but not in a very intelligent way he was like to ciri 'so you wanna... kill him?' #imo book eredin is kind of a meathead and it's kind of refreshing with all these 4D chess players around

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post. #before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly #again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but. #he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin. #its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it #its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people #we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves #so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit #like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it? #yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice. #this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi #gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism #its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt #if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions. #hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him #like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me. #its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it. #for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong #oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this. #james somerton #idk might delete this later its just. ugh...

[hecksupremechips]

Come back home when you have some sense

You can throw your life away just not at my expense

You’re not the son I raised

#jhariah #this one just rawrrfrrr #and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’ #nice #im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it #god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like #hnnnghhh #hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot #the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM #sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’ #like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke #but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me #and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards #the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome #the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear #its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe #but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill #and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill #you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit #and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it #and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was #very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me #which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me #yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!! #im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

[puppyeared]

When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings

#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem #in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together #and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier #WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH #i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd #and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i #waves my hands around manically #for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins #in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone #and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control #one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings #that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded #and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all #like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need #to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level #AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING #anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have #and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh #yapping

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[aropride]

i really dont understand studying at all like genuinely i don't know what it is . i know about "taking notes" and "reading the textbook" and that's it . quizlet doesn't do shit for me because i don't know what to. do. with the cards. look at them ? am i supposed to just look at them . No one bothered teaching me actual skills bc i got good grades when i was 8 and now i am so hopelessly lost . why did no one think to teach me this for when stuff got harder than four plus three

#text #ive never understood flashcards . like what to do with them. how is that any more different or helpful than just like... writing a list on #paper of vocab terms or whatever #and like conceptually i know 'learning' is like. not only committing things to memory but also being able to engage with it which #is why teachers loveeeee group discussions and essays. but like. you read the text and then you go to class and Discuss but how do you #Learn what the text is saying like how do you . put it in your brain and udnerstand and remember it . #i think im missing something very simple because everyone else in the world seems to understand this fine #like where does the part where you go oh! i understand this and can explain it in my own words. Happen #how do u force it to happen if its not something ur autistic about #Like the only example i can think of rn of this is when i hyperfixated on hpa axis dysregulation + trauma a couple weeks ago #so i was learning stuff about it for Fun and not for school so no comprehension tests or notes or anything #and basically i'd just put on a webinar while i sorted seaglass or worked on sewing or whaever #and i can explain the concept fine. ur brain controls ur body so if it gets too scared ur body loses its shit basically. #but i dont remember most of the words. i still can barely define neurotransmitter #i can apply this to my own life but i confuse the hippocampus and the frontal lobe and the amygdala etc #and i couldnt point out any of them on a diagram #i dont get it . like i know a lot and simultaneously nothing at all abt it #how am i supposedto be remembering words and numbers AND understanding the concepts AND im supposed to do that between #reading the book and engaging in thoughtful conversation with my peers i dont understand

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

[kicks door down]

Autistic Nishiki whose special interest is fashion and not only considers what's trendy but also looks out for fabrics that aren't a sensory nightmare, however sometimes he will force himself to wear something that isn't comfy for appearance's sake, which leaves him more vulnerable to getting overwhelmed and therefore 'emotional' Also means he has his collar popped like Kiryu's for sensory reasons too and slutty reasons, which would once again make me correct in saying if he undid his collar in Kiwami he'd be normal again because if I were constantly experiencing sensory discomfort I too would be fucked up and evil.

Cause like here's the thing, autistic Kiryu and Majima headcanons are more obvious (especially the former), whereas Nishiki probably comes off as the most 'normal'; he can likely maintain eye contact and talk to people 'normally' and not like, go off on some random tangent about a special interest or hyperfixation. And then you remember masking is a thing.

And okay, so I actually think it's unfair a lot of fandom considers him a 'crybaby' right, cause he's cried in situations MOST PEOPLE WOULD RIGHTFULLY CRY OVER! BUT, I can use this to my Autistic Advantage and have this be he actually struggles to regulate his emotions, and considering he's been exposed to the yakuza world since a young age where ANY emotion that isn't 'respectable stoicism' or 'righteous fury and indignation', he's seen as even MORE overly emotional. Hence the need to start masking so early, PLUS having to protect Kiryu who couldn't mask if his life depended on it because he doesn't realise he may HAVE to (speaking from personal experience, Kiryu definitely went his whole life unaware there was anything ""wrong"" with him (for lack of a better word) and had people just like "oh yeah he's just Like That dw bout it" and went on with his life), so Nishiki takes up the mantle of I'm The One Who Knows What We're Doing Lad's desperate to gain acceptance and will change whatever he has to but people still somehow pick up that Something's Off About Him and so they tend to be disdainful or brush him off. It's easy charisma that can win over hostesses and brief encounters with civillians but can't carry across in the yakuza. Kiwami is him trying his DAMNDEST to act neurotypical even at the cost of his own comfort, and the worst part is it's not working

#akira nishikiyama #yeah i can do headcanons too!! i can go all in on em!!! i need more silly headcanons to go with it #what do you think his stims are? i literally just read a mutual say he likes spinning keys and shiny things and YOU ARE SO CORRECT #i think he likes clicking his lighter open and closed as well which is another reason it's annoying Kiryu keeps borrowing/losing it gvbhjnb #sorry i had a chat with a friend last night about this cause this headcanon's been swirling around in my head for a while and i'm actually #putting the pieces together. sorry for using terms like 'wrong' and 'normal' but it's like that's the easiest way for me to explain it and #like i said im talking from personal experience. im close with someone whose basically masked their whole life and is realising 'nah mate #im just nd' meanwhile I grew up having no idea what autism was but I Clearly Was That and assumed everyone ELSE was being difficult #and yet despite relating to Kiryu moreso something about Nishiki's lack of a hold on his identity compels me and im like same dude #this is what i mean by whenever i think about Nishiki there's a 1/3 chance i'll start crying cause HE MAKES ME SO SAD #BABYGIRL YOU DESERVED BETTER!!!!!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Why not hunt down some fun fanfics to read while you rest your wrists?

unfortunately i have hunted too enthusiastically and drained the area's natural resources

#i have like... three tabs open for some dc fics that im not in the mood for rn #but as for welcome home? i am patiently waiting for updates and also regularly refresh the page for new ones #ive read all the ones that reach my (unfortunately) specific and sorta high standards #i regret to admit that im a bit uhhhh picky about what fanfics i read? perhaps even stringent? #so basically when i say 'oh theres nothing for me to read woe is me' #i am saying that in front of a pile of hundreds of fics that i have either lightly poked or completely brushed past #rambles from the bog #although i Have considered re-reading this one absolute Banger of a snufmin fic... #maybe i Will do that... #thank you for the nudge anon im opening a new tab as i type #im prepared for it to hurt me again. intensely. im 100% going to cry at some point tonight when i finish it

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

One of the many, many reasons I love Blade Runner is that it doesn't have this Big Epic Final Fight you've come to expect from literally any action film ever.

There's just Deckart and Roy - all others are dead, or not here - and it's just them and one was supposed to kill the other and has become the hunted.

Our main hero protagonist is at the end, he's beaten down, he's at the brink of death, he can barely still walk and is just fleeing as far as he can, as long as he can, and he won't be able to go on much longer and there's really only so far he can run before he's inevitably caught. There's no last minute saviour, no sudden burst of strength, no last attempt to fight. He's terrified. He's running, limping, for just a few seconds more.

And the antagonist - the one who was supposed to be killed, the one who was supposed to be sub-human and is living his life as a slave, in fear - he's going mad. He barely ever had anything, and he lost the few others he had - the only ones who understood when the world was against them. He has only minutes to live, minutes that not even his creator - his god, almost - could drag out, a human god who died by his bare hands. There's nothing left to lose and nothing left to do, but there's the person who hunted him down like a machine or an animal that's one rogue, the one supposed to kill him, entirely at his mercy.

And then they're on that roof, and I don't know what Roy might think, but I know Deckart was done with his life. I know he was convinced he'd die right here - that both of them would die on this roof in the rain.

And when Roy pulls him up? There has to be an explanation. Surely he'll kill him now. What else could he possibly want?

But Roy isn't out for revenge anymore. For as little as he's lived, he's seen so incredibly much. And he knows there isn't anything to be done. He'll die, he'll be forgotten, just another rogue replicant - like moments in time, like tears in rain.

"Time to die." No sadness, no anger, nothing. There's nothing more to it, not anymore. It's a fact.

It's when he's free for the first time.

He's no longer living in fear. He died on his own terms. He's as free as he could ever be, in the only way that was ever even a possibility. And as he dies, as he no longer lives as a slave, that white dove flies away through the rain - a symbol of freedom, finally let go.

And Deckart is left alone on that roof, bleeding, his hand broken, exhausted, still not quite away from the brink of death he's been limping along for the last, what, minutes? (How long was it? Can't have been long. But it sure felt endless.)

There's no winner. No one has been defeated, either. There's just one who died, as he was always meant to, and one who lived, but his world might be in shambles.

What is life worth when you're just waiting for death? Is it freedom when you can never settle down? Could there ever be a different ending?

Also I'm going absolutely insane over the white dove which is a symbol for freedom btw like DAMN!!!!!!! IMPLICATIONS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

#i mean im basically going insane over the entire film #but especially that climax??? HOOOOOLY--- #a biscuit's rambles #blade runner #blade runner 1982 #there is just SO MUCH in this film #and im only super obsessed with the last part at this point bc it stuck with me and otherwise i was following the plot along #just wait until i rewatch the film and start analyzing EVERY SINGLE THING IN THERE #this has REALLY made me realize how much i love film analysis actually #like yesssssss make me think about messages and symbols and metaphors and the creators' intentions #also the time at which it was made like i once read an article about how horror reflects societal fears #and now im applying that to all films that leave an impact on me #like what does it say about the era in which both blade runner and truman show were made? (human goes against god who is actually also huma #but also very much god) #LIKE!!! i mean it was a time of loooots of changes! really big changes! the world was going fucking nuts! #WHAT DOES ART SAY ABOUT THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE PEOPLE WHO MADE IT WHAT DO FILMS TELL US HOW IS SYMBOLISM USED #I AM GOING INSANE OVER THIS OK #I AM NOT FINE #I NEED TO REMEMBER HOW TO PUT THE FUCKIGN CHAIRS FOR A CONCERT NOT THIS NOT NOW AHHHHH #okay im normal again #(<- lie fy is still thinking about this and frothing at the mouth)

[northern-passage]

Genuine thought as a fellow trans dude, I’ve seen a lot of (obviously non-serious) questions on other blogs about characters’ genitals such as “how does it look like?” and similar, and I think we all know & understand that such questions are extremely inappropriate to ask and (I hope) no one would actually go around asking these questions irl. Idk, I think we should treat trans characters just like cis ones, without any special “precautions”, so to normalise them and not make cis people treat them like fragile boxes, a thing which happens to a lot of us irl. Hope this doesn’t come off as an attack or anything lol.

no worries, i didn't take this as an attack at all. i actually agree with you, that's why i mentioned feeling conflicted about it and also mentioned that i've changed my stance on how i felt about handling Noel and Clementine in game and in explicit intimate scenes.

however, for me the problem comes from the fact that people... don't ask these kinds of questions about cis characters? i suppose people do get cheeky "who is the biggest 🤪" asks but i would hardly compare the two. to be a bit crude, no one is going to be asking if a cis character has a dick or not, or "what does it look like". of course it's natural for people to be curious, and i honestly encourage the open discussion and am happy to see trans bodies being talked about more in a positive way, but not everyone is going to be comfortable with it due to the inescapable transphobia online and in the community. sending me that kind of ask is like sending out an invitation for a debate or a discussion that i don't necessarily want to have. i also just don't think people should default to asking a random IF author on tumblr dot com to describe what bottom growth looks like.

and with most of these asks typically coming from someone who is anonymous, i have no way of truly knowing what the tone is, what their intentions are or why this is being asked - is it another trans person? or maybe someone who is just genuinely curious? or, more likely in my experience, is it someone who is going to immediately follow up this message with something transphobic after i answer? do i want to roll the dice and find out?

so while i agree with what you're saying, it's important to consider the context and the reality we live in. the IF community is not kind to trans people or trans characters. and as a trans person, my first priority is protecting myself and my mental health. so what i mean when i say "precautions," is that those precautions are for me, because i've had to deal with transphobic harassment here for years now, and i try to mitigate it as much as i can. it's also for my personal comfort - again, to be blunt, i'm simply just not comfortable discussing a trans character's genitals with anonymous strangers on the internet. it makes me feel vulnerable.

also i do want to say i didn't mean for any of that to come across as a dig at other authors - if you're comfortable answering those kinds of questions, that's really only something you can decide for yourself. like i said, this is just coming from my own experiences in IF and for my own personal comfort - i have previously talked a lot about trans stuff and gender and sexuality here, when i'm feeling up to it, but it is something that is very draining for me and can also be very upsetting.

basically: i do agree that it's important not to other trans characters or treat them any differently than cis characters, but i also think there are ways to do it that don't require me answering invasive questions or questions that i don't feel comfortable with as a real life trans person, you know what i mean?

#hopefully this better explains what i was trying to say #again no worries anon i've had this exact conversation before with other trans people #and it's something that i don't think has a perfect solution esp with the current... climate #and especially online with the anonymity it makes these topics really touchy. you don't know who is reading this or who is interacting #if it's sincere or in bad faith #things have changed a lot in the IF community for the better but it's still not safe and i always advocate for an author to protect #themself first #back when i started tnp it was not at all common for ppl to list characters as cis #really it was only nb or trans characters that got listed in that way #and it's why i chose not to do that and why i wanted the player to find out lea and merry was trans at the same time as the hunter #same with noel and clem and their privacy #giving them that agency was important to me #and it's still important to me now #but i got a lot of harassment because of that. the lea reveal didnt even end up in game it was on the blog and it was weeks of harassment #afterwards that still makes me anxious to this day whenever i talk about lea's transness #so basically like. it comes down to what someone is comfortable with and what they're mentally able to handle #edit: thinkin abt it more &im going to be honest if someone sent me an ask that said ‘what does it look like’ i would be very Not Happy #like cis people & cis characters do Not get treated that way so why would i allow it for my trans characters #so i stand by saying that these asks are inappropriate like. i obviously dont know the context of what ur referencing #but that’s a hard no from me personally either way #to me as a trans person that question in itself is othering and objectifying #ask #anonymous

[redysetdare]

I think i would like sci-fi a lot more if more stories took the evolution route to it. so many sci-fi stories focus so much on the technology side and "Let's go to space! let's see capitalist hell!" and like, yeahh those have their purpose and place in sci-fi. But personally i love when sci-fi gets speculative with biology. How will the earth change? what animals developed from changed ecosystems - which animals evolved and which ones went extinct? I want people to take the science part of science fiction and explore biology and ecology and how the planet and animals change with the world. I"m tired of it only focusing on technology and robots and being more cyber fantasy.

#text #b4 anyone says 'u want specfic' sci-fi does count as specfic #i just want some science fiction that focuses on nature rather than tech #tbh most my sci-fi tho comes from books i read in my college class on it and the book i got full of classic sci-fi stories #but not many were able to capture my attention like i had hoped #if you guys have any recs that do what i say in the post im all ears!!! I'll be happy to learn abt sci-fi stories like that!!! #basically in this case I want to be wrong I want there to be books about what this post mentions #sci-fi #science fiction #uhh idk tags #oops #anyways a bit outta left field for ppl who usually follow me lmao #if u didnt know i wrote my own story for that class that was basically this #it took the idea of humans going extinct and how the world would grow and change after that #it also speculated on primates becoming more sentient and the fact that new species of monkey appeared #a little more fantasy now that im out of that class but still a bit focused on some sci-fi elements

[luvring]

just complained about my group to my irls and i'm pretty sure this has genuinely motivated me to speak in class because i Cannot let my prof think my critical thinking abilities are the same as theirs

#💬nia.rambles #rant fr// #guys im srsly sick thinking about it #LIKE THERE WERE SO MANY MOMENTS WHERE I WAS JUST ?? #'im not saying to beat your kid black and blue but discipline is different across cultures and #i just dont think this should be an area of exploration like its worked for hundreds of years' #? YOU AS A WOMAN OF COLOUR HAVE NEVER HEARD OF INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA? #like why are you implying you dont like gentle parenting why are you making a strawman DONT PISS ME OFF #then white guy speaking way too loud to my right is throwing in words he DOESNT understand and saying the same things over and over #'from a Sociological Contemporary perspective' be serious. 'it comes back to nature vs nurture again' Can you Stop Tlalkingplapewmj #and i bring up gender and he goes smth smth gender is just such a sensitive topic then the 2 other girls Agree #and they wouldnt let me talk and even if i did they obviously wouldnt know what i was talking about #because why are you asking what post structuralism is THAT WAS A MAIN TOPIC AND DEFINITION OF LAST CLASS??? 😭😭 #they wouldnt answer the question properly and repeat the same basic vaguely connected ideas the Entire time #like do i look like i gaf abt different body standards/expectations for football players MOVE ON ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES #like i want to talk about enforced binaries in queer spaces and Oh my god i just remembered #they were like. lgbt studies/discussion is just so recent and i was like. Its literally discussed In the reading. but None of u finished it #OHH IM PISSED OFF. IM SO PISSED OFF #and im so mad bc the discussion q's were Good and if i was w my irls wed have such a good convo but NO!!!! #whatever. Whatever im going to start raising my hand in class im so fr i got lightheaded complaining about this IMSOMADBSJF

[extra-somethin-somethin]

hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification

#god chapters where barely anything happens except a character's realization about things can be hard ... #im writing another keiko pov chapter and it's hard because well!! #keiko was never really a main focus in the series and as time goes on she gets even less of a focus so i have to fill in these spots #in her personality and views that aren't really explored. im taking a lot of liberties lets say #and idek if it's gonna read as in character cos of that #anyway im tryna say that like. pre series keiko was basically this presence in yusuke's life and he saw her as a pain but he cared #she was there to scold him and cajole him into going to his classes and she was his only friend #now we know atsuko was negligent and idk how involved the yukimuras were in his life but i feel like keiko #whether directly or indirectly was given this duty like you have to keep him outta trouble #you're smart you're mature he needs someone like you. this responsibility just kind of put on her before she can understand the weight of i #and she can't really comprehend that weight until it's abruptly taken from her. yusuke dies and there's no one to shepherd #i feel like keiko should get to be mad about this. this realization of the nature of their dynamic. keiko planning things around yusuke #who's never done that in his life. not because he's purposely being thoughtless but bc he was never the one to have to plan #to think about what their future looks like. he just kinda drifted along and keiko tried to do damage control. it wasn't fair #yusuke is keeping secrets from her she is scared of high school and that he'll die again without her knowing why and it's unfair #so she should get to be mad also because girls getting to be mad is one of my favorite things 👍🏼 #the realization that yusuke won't be lost without her so she shouldn't hinge her life on the expectation that he will be #she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that #dread in her heart. it doesn't have to be just me. there's someone who can be there with him always and it doesn't have to be me #the guilty relief of not having to be the sacrifice. but kuwa doesn't mind so maybe it's okay this way #idk just rambles about my fic while i puzzle out how to word it #character analysis #yukimura keiko #yu yu hakusho

[leftdestiny-posts]

Sometimes my legs are made out of iron and stone. And I can only look as everything passes by

#the new genshin update is cool though #while I havent been able to walk a lot #I can sit and game so it's been fun #I know the whole area is supposed to be green but it gives me blue vibes #I also like Bluey #not fully done with the quest but thats my pet dog frfr #I also picked up HSR and FE3H (golden deer route) #i finally recall the joy of fishing (says the same person with over 1.2k fish caught in genshin) #anyways #im not going to be active consistently here #for a hot second it looked like I needed to be hospitalised and while its no longer that bad #there is something frighting about the way of how often and how sick i get #so they took full blood tests and ill likely jump into treatment if theyll figure out whats happenint #so nothing worrying basically #just me being activite in small burst given my strength #who even reads these tags