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outeremissary · 5 months

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Balthazar and Tristian - Resting

Releasing this from draft purgatory, where it languished so long it has a note apologizing for a power outage induced delay...

Left to their own devices, both Balthazar and Tristian have terrible habits of staying up absurdly late engrossed in a project or trying to get just one last thing done. For Tristian it's motivated by a guilty sense they aren't doing as much as they need to as often as it's more simply being lost in something or going a little farther than needed trying to be helpful. It's so easy to think that there's just one more thing that can be closed up, or something that can be made a little more ready so no one else has to worry about it. On Balthazar's side it's often driven by the obsessive need to feel like he's in control of whatever he's taken on- he'll keep chipping away at something searching for a breakthrough to satisfy himself. He needs to be sure he's picked a topic clean before moving on. Although he's also just a night person to begin with. Different reasons, but they produce the same effects.

Together they balance each other out (at least a bit)- it's that mutual "it's fine for me to do that, but you have to take care of yourself!" At which point you get the classic back and forth: it's almost done, why are you still up anyway, you should be going to bed, that can wait until tomorrow, I'm almost done with this, on and on. The process of one trying to tear the other away from a project usually requires the compromise of also calling it a day. It's the only way to make sure the other one stays put. Honestly, this probably does wonders for both of them actually getting enough sleep.

And a bonus one because I also kind of think I posted that other one before at some point even though I can't for the life of me find it on my archive blog. Perhaps it's off theme, but I am certain that Tristian is almost always up before Balthazar. It became clear quickly enough that Balthazar tended to fret about waking up alone if Tristian didn't return after getting up. So Tristian started to leave something behind when leaving- some small token, a little thing from the room relocated to the pillow visible and in easy reach. A book from the nightstand. The scarf that had been forgotten on the chair the night before. A trinket from the bookshelf. A somewhat awkward gesture to indicate they haven't just vanished without a thought. As silly as it is, it does reassure Balthazar (though it doesn't deter him from clinging to Tristian in ways that make it a daily challenge to get disentangled getting up).

[prompt]

#it was almost completely finished in there.#ask game #balthazar lucienne #balthazar and tristian

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outeremissary · 1 year

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I may be late but I never forget. Two months ago @dmagedgoods tagged me to fill this template out and at last I finally have. I’m... not much of a digital artist, so I’ve tried to compensate how I could. Unfortunately, resolution issues may undermine my efforts. I did my best though!

Due to having been tagged on this two and a half months ago I will not even be making an attempt to send this anywhere.

#I'm trying to hit that like middle school girl notebook doodles aesthetic here #to cover up the fact that all my photos were taken with a cell phone camera and obviously very little of this was filled digitally #gosh this took more time than expected!!#I'm very sad the little faces aren't showing up very well maybe I'll have to edit them out #digital artists often do these cute little faces I admire #I wanted to do that too!#I was really torn on whether to post this here or on the side blog since I usually put art there first #in the end just went with what had been tagged. partly because I'm not sure how I feel about how this looks ^^;;#anyway time to grab what sleep I can. It's five in the morning. help.#pfkm #pfkm spoilers #at this point sphinx I have given up on keeping them from you #balthazar lucienne #tristian #balthazar and tristian #I could explain the things where someone is occupying two spaces simultaneously but I don't think I will right now #anyway #dmagedgoods #emi art

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outeremissary · 10 months

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for the headcanons: When Balthazar has trouble getting his wings cleaned (because let's be honest, it must be impossible to wash those alone), he lets Tristian help wash them for simultaneous Bonding Time.

10/10, absolutely. Having the avian parts but lacking the rest of the anatomy leads to some real struggle with grooming (preening...?) that inevitably results in needing help. He's found ways to mostly get by on his own, but that doesn't work forever. It's difficult to learn to ask- just as difficult as learning to be touched there- but Tristian has a way of anticipating the need without anything being said. Perhaps it's something they understand better than Balthazar does. Eventually it becomes something regular and easy, as comforting as having hair brushed. Sometimes they talk, sometimes it's just a quiet time to be together. He's never quite sure how to vocalize his appreciation to them. But he does.his best to return the gesture with actions of his own: he enjoys brushing Tristian's hair, or helping wash it when the opportunity presents. He can be a bit scolding about them not taking care of themself properly- but obviously he's not much better himself.

There isn't really anyone else he would be comfortable with helping with the wings. He's too sensitive about them being touched- to some degree he dislikes being reminded that they're there and that takes a long time to overcome. But Tristian makes him feel safe. If it's Tristian, it's okay.

[Prompt]

#ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar lucienne #balthazar and tristian #mountainashfae #some of this dates back to the awkward confused period of close friendship before the feelings were fully worked through #tristian did a lot to help balthazar adjust to the physical changes of the wings and it was a very strange period for both of them #characterized by some level of uncomfortable mutual envy

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outeremissary · 11 months

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How about 3, 14, and 32 for Balthazar and Tristian?

Hello Cassy! Thanks for the ask, and apologies as always for the tardiness.

[prompts from here]

[and to have a posterity note at the top instead of just the tags for once, significant Kingmaker chapter five spoilers throughout]

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh…I adore them…”

(note: I think I may have played it a little loose with this one... apologies!)

There had long been a sense of protectiveness on Tristian's side of things, but it was a sense born out of obligation and guilt: on the one hand the obligation to do his duty to Nyrissa and the need to return to his goddess, and on the other the guilt of treachery that dragged on and on (even if the victim of that treachery wasn't exactly Tristian's favorite person). There was always a twist of terror when Balthazar was in danger or astonished respect seeing him persevere through what should have been the end, but none of that was that soft feeling. The first time for that feeling was probably some time after Balthazar's wings came in, when Tristian, still anxious from the lingering effects of the Bloom and attempts on Balthazar's life, caught Balthazar attempting to slip out of the capital by himself one afternoon and insisted on accompanying him (doggedly ignoring attempts to lose him). Following the reluctant baron to the privacy of the countryside, he learned that Balthazar had been attempting for some time to adjust to the wings on his own. Before that it was clear that the wings had been unwelcome and that on some level Balthazar was fighting it, and it had stirred some amount of envy and resentment in Tristian to see the ungrateful aasimar rejecting what Tristian yearned to have back. But seeing the open vulnerability as Balthazar tried to come to terms with his changed body felt painfully familiar, and as he attempted to offer advice under the flimsy veil of having known another aasimar at his childhood temple (lies, all lies, and for what?) he began to feel a sense of connection with Balthazar. It wasn't the first time he had seen Balthazar vulnerable- there were more than enough of those throughout the Bloom, and awkward moments littered their history before that. But it was the first time that pang of sympathy blossomed into a deeper sense of understanding. As the initial tension eased the afternoon became comfortable, conversation becoming easy and unguarded. It was awkward but genuine. It may have been the first time Tristian saw a soft, warm smile on Balthazar's face- something that would haunt him a long time after.

For Balthazar, the first spark of excitement (long before he could pin down what it might mean) came when he managed to coax Tristian into a dance at the first festival held in the wake of the fall of Trobold. The dance had been meant as a tease- a bet with Octavia and Regongar that he could get Tristian onto the floor, nothing more- but he was caught off guard when his success didn't come in the form of the cleric passively following along. Watching Tristian linger at the edge of the festivities, not joining in on the celebration he had himself insisted on, Balthazar had guessed that Tristian was held back by insecurity. Tristian came off as so naive and sheltered that it stood to reason that a noisy northern festival would be far outside of their depth- as would partaking of the dance with an admirer on their arm. He expected to overwhelm Tristian, to enjoy teasing him and leading him along. Instead, after relenting to the dance Tristian proved a quick learner (or perhaps already knew the dance from somewhere): he matched Balthazar's pace without ever being thrown for long, and the threat of being challenged for the lead began to occur to Balthazar. When they broke apart at the end it was Balthazar who was breathless, caught in the fascination of his partner. The mystery of that moment lingered on his mind- he'd thought he had Tristian solved, but he was wrong. After that he noticed Tristian in a way he never had before- he watched for answers, but along the way began to drink in the details of Tristian he never had before. Maybe that dance wasn't itself so soft, but it opened the floodgate of everything after: a growing affection for the awkward innocence that had frustrated him, an amusement with the stern edge Tristian's voice took on when lecturing (so often with undeserved boldness for his ignorance), the sudden sorrow that would soak into his expression at the most inexplicable times. Becoming bound up in pursuit of that pattern began to wear away at him to the point of distraction.

14. What makes them feel loved? Would they build up the courage to ask for it?

For Tristian, more than anything, simply physical presence. It's comforting to have Balthazar present, to feel supported and less alone. Tristian never built many close friendships before the betrayal- easier to keep just a bit apart from people you'll let down in the end, and to avoid becoming caught in the messy tangle of mortal lives to leave without regret at the end (or at least, as little regret as can be managed with the circumstances). But despite that, Tristian is a lonely person, and there was something about being drawn again and again into time with Balthazar that became something of a comfort. That loneliness intensifies after the betrayal: their relationships with most people they know in the Stolen Lands have been soured by their actions, and leaving Nyrissa behind meant leaving even the illusion that one day they might return to Sarenrae. Simply having Balthazar present brought a sense of normalcy that kept them grounded. And similarly, there's something about physical touch that's grounding. It makes them feel at home in a body that they're still struggling to accept. It reassures that despite all of the misdeeds and the hurt, they're still worth touching, worth being in contact with. When they can feel Balthazar at their side they know without a doubt that they have a place in the world still, no matter how much has changed. Sometimes they might ask for that presence or that touch: it's easy to ask for and easily granted. But the truth is it's rarely necessary to ask for it- these are things Balthazar always wants to give.

For Balthazar, more than anything it's verbal reassurance. It's not enough to be close, to spend time together- he needs to hear that he's wanted. He wants to know that he's a choice, one made freely, that he's not just what Tristian has resigned himself to. Maybe some part of him is afraid because of his long, long history of transactional relationships- it's hard sometimes to internalize the idea of a relationship where no value needs to be proven and offered. And he's afraid that a better offer is out there: it's abundantly clear that Tristian wishes he could return to the life he had as a deva, and doubt seeps in that anything Balthazar has with Tristian is only because Tristian is trapped. So he wants to hear it: that he's wanted, that he's loved, that he's irreplaceable. Tristian is so terribly sincere, despite all the deception. It's reassuring to hear it voiced. But Balthazar himself is only half aware of this need, and he'd never ask for it if he came to understand what it was he wanted. It would feel like begging. It would be pathetic and too vulnerable several times over. He can get to it only halfway- teasing and baiting out affectionate words or gentle chiding, demanding that his partner be vocal in intimate moments- but there's always a hunger for something else, something he can't quite name.

32. How do their friends react to finding out they’re a couple? Do they have lots of mutual friends? Did their friends know, perhaps before they themselves did?

Obviously there's a significant shared social circle, even if not everyone in it could be described as "friends." ^^;; And it was certainly clear to most people in that circle that something was going on before there was any relationship cemented. There was a period where the two of them were suddenly spending much more time together and there was significantly less animosity between them than there had been previously. The shift may have been most noticeable with Balthazar- after all, this coincided rather cleanly with breaking things off with Regongar (accomplished by avoiding Reg until he got the message. Balthazar is an asshole). Regongar and Octavia were the first to put a name to Balthazar's side of things because of that (in not especially kind terms), although they certainly weren't alone. Tristian, on the other hand, was more of a mystery to most: although certainly not a friend, the person who clocked that one best would have been Nyrissa of all people. The pattern of her skylark's distraction wasn't hard to guess at- a frustrating obstacle with an increasingly useless pawn. This also makes Nyrissa possibly the only person who could tell that these feelings were indeed mutual.

The reaction to the news of the relationship could generously be described as lukewarm. Very, very generously. Everything came together very close on the heels of the betrayal and fallout, and between lingering tension regarding Tristian and some scattered concern about Balthazar's judgment in the wake of everything the general mood could be summed up as "wow! I don't know about this one, guys." Eventually the mood cooled into reluctant acceptance- after all, if two of the most drama prone people you know decide to date, who can stop them, really. Distinct award for least supportive goes jointly to Jaethal and Regongar. For Jaethal, becoming emotionally invested in Tristian was the worst mistake Balthazar had yet made- a mistake which boded ill for the future and she counseled him at every possible opportunity to correct. On Regongar's side of things there was lingering (and justified) resentment over being abandoned seemingly for Tristian. The person who could be most generously described as supportive would be Jhod, with the faint hope that maybe the two of them would keep one another in check. A relationship helps with the maturity, after all.

#you can tell that I had years to cook without knowing shit about the canon romance because there's some other odd mood here #can you tell I'm a rivals to lovers guy? I'm a rivals to lovers guy #funny coincidence that just before receiving this I was discussing that last one with someone #the “you guys really shouldn't do this :/” reaction is funny as hell to me I think romance should be terribly awkward #the only thing worse than two of the most drama prone people you know dating would be them breaking up #unrelated to the previous point but I feel like I usually write these as if the moment being captured is somewhere between end of 5/end of #maybe there's appeal to the air of uncertainty.#the sequel to will they/won't they: can they not fuck this up #no consistency with tristian pronouns in this because I worked on it at a bunch of different times whoops. happy pride?#these tags were added at odd times and I am VERY hungry and will not be editing for coherency sorry #sorry again for the tardiness #ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar lucienne #balthazar and tristian #pfkm spoilers #cassynite

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outeremissary · 1 year

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3, 15, and 21 from the otp asks for Balthazar/Tristian?

From this prompt list. Thanks for the ask! Although possible fever slowed me, I did have fun with it, I swear. Just slow soup brain composing answers...

3. If they complimented each other, what would they say?

So, I'm not entirely sure if this question is meant to be read as "what types of things fall under the spectrum of compliments" or "write some lines of dialogue as a specific example." I have attempted both and fared worse with the latter, so the main post is going to get the former and maybe I'll tack on the latter when this gets archived on the lore blog. Forgive me if that was what you'd hoped for...

There are many things Balthazar can and does compliment Tristian on, although his compliments can sometimes come off like teasing- especially a certain way of emphasizing innocence. But there is sincerity there. When he talks about that innocence, it’s not in a moral sense or an ignorant sense. More a sincere affection seeing someone find wonder in the world and try to navigate it with optimism that hasn’t been worn away. There are plenty of other things to praise as well: that sunlit smile, a beautiful laugh, those soft golden eyes. The adorable huff of indignation or pouty frustration. These are all easy compliments, given lightly. Far weightier is the wonder he feels at Tristian’s sincere adherence to his values even after straying. Even though Tristian has failed to live up to those values in ways both large and small again and again, he remains committed and continues to try. The devotion is something which inspires a kind of awe. And every so often, that’s something that may be vocalized.

Tristian isn't so likely to pay compliments to beauty, but gladly recognizes when something has been done well. Careful diplomacy that avoids bloodshed, defusing high tensions, finding solutions which are compassionate and enrich the lives of others… those are all worth praising, although in some ways that may not be such a personal form of compliment. Less often voiced is the admiration for Balthazar’s confidence and free spirit. He always seems to understand himself in a way that others struggle with, and when he’s set his heart on something he puts everything he has into finding a way to work towards it. There’s something wondrous about that kind of perseverance.

15. What are traits they dislike in one another?

I think it’s as straightforward as you might expect from opposites (or near opposites)…

Tristian is often frustrated with Balthazar’s penchant for being anything but straightforward. What’s meant to be playful can become confusing and exasperating, and that’s before getting to the very large amount of outright lying Balthazar does. Seldom to Tristian, but it doesn’t really matter. The tendency to sidestep responsibility or toy with others through deceit- even having acquired some level of tolerance for it, it makes Tristian uncomfortable and it’s a poor way to treat others. Then there are all the other forms of pettiness and cruelty on top of that… The genuinely sadistic part of Balthazar is something he doesn’t care for. As much as he loves Balthazar, sometimes he does feel exhausted by him in ways that bring him close to doubting whether it was right to devote so much to him. Perhaps worst of all is when Balthazar seems to dismiss his concerns out of hand as naïve ignorance. That jaded condescension is infuriating and despair inducing in equal measure- being treated as a fool by someone you trust is painful.

And of course there are a number of things that frustrate Balthazar more than they charm him. A certain level of uptight moralizing, a naïve condescension that hurts as easily as it amuses, a way of sinking so much of himself in others… Even though these are all things that on some level captivate Balthazar, he can’t help but dislike them at the same time. And he hates feeling like he’s being lectured to or treated as simply misguided. Even though it’s less common than it once was, it still happens here and there, and it always makes him feel like Tristian doesn’t trust him or won’t listen. It stings. Even though he accepts that Tristian will never be like him (and loves him for it), he still wants to feel understood and to feel that Tristian has faith in him. In the end they can both get stuck talking past each other. It’s not the cause of most of their arguments, but it is what tends to escalate them. On a somewhat more petty level, Balthazar does feel some level of jealousy over Tristian’s devotion to Sarenrae… He can’t help but feel insecure hearing the love and wonder that color Tristian’s voice when he talks about his former life and his service to the goddess.

21. How have they changed each other for the better/for the worse?

Tristian’s influence on Balthazar is probably the more obvious thing. It would be easy to say that it makes him softer- and Tristian certainly does rein in some impulses- but more often than not this is motivated more by appeasing Tristian or the pragmatic knowledge that sometimes Tristian’s way just works than real compassion. What might be called Tristian’s influence (at least partly) is a deeper ability to form connections with others. It’s the capacity to care for the suffering of companions, to forgive friends the pains they’ve caused, to make an effort to bridge the gap when it’s difficult to understand others. None of these are skills he learned directly from Tristian (who has his own struggles in some of those areas) or could be said to be solely Tristian’s responsibility, but loving Tristian and choosing to take the risk on pursuing that love has caused him to grow a lot trying to navigate the messiness of a sincere relationship. It’s the slow, painful realization of a long buried hunger for connection. Tristian soothes Balthazar’s loneliness in more ways than just his companionship.

It might be expected that Balthazar is a corrupting influence on Tristian, but that wouldn’t be quite right. Balthazar makes Tristian far more aware of what inside of him can be selfish, short-sighted, or shallow. His insistence on knowing what Tristian wants also goes a long way towards untangling messy, suppressed desires from his desperate sense of purpose. Sometimes there are things Tristian thinks or wants or believes that go beyond what should be thought or wanted or believed as a servant of Sarenrae, things that can’t simply be called angelic for being in the psyche of an angel. And the vague recognition of that frightened Tristian once. It was something that he tried to deny. What Balthazar gives him more than anything else is the acceptance of that conflict between himself and what he believes he’s meant to be. Balthazar’s fierce love of what’s messy (and perhaps quite mortal) in Tristian gives him the safety and reassurance to approach his flaws on his own terms. It takes a long time to internalize the sense that having an ugly, flawed side is natural and not just the sign of someone broken who needs to be fixed. Perhaps in a way Balthazar’s influence makes him a better person; at the least, it opens a path for growth. And of course, all that agency and self-acceptance does foster a budding ability to make selfish choices… at least, every once in a while.

#a fun fact about me is that I'm really bad at both giving and receiving compliments out of the blue #I need something specific to anchor things and relate them to (although I still can't receive them well)#so the first question was challenging in a way that I think was like... kind of silly. sorry about that #anyway #with time and effort. I believe we can make CG Tristian real.#we can do it #actually I don't think there's much of that in this but like. somewhere tangential to this #anyway so sorry for the delay most of this was written the night I received the ask #and then the combo of overthinking the compliment thing and Hell Week at work delayed the rest :')#ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar and tristian #balthazar lucienne #tristian #turbulentpumpkin43 #I'm actually queuing this for the afternoon jussst in case I change my mind about the compliment one over the day...

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stolenlandsshitposts · 1 year

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Sketch from ??? days ago

#emi art #I feel like I had a doodle tag at some point and stopped using it so I don't remember what it was #balthazar lucienne #tristian #balthazar and tristian

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outeremissary · 1 year

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F K S - Balthazar and Tristian

For the alphabet asks, which now I can properly link.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

The fights run very, very passive aggressive. A lot of snipping at each other and piling up minor frustrations. There's never any yelling, but the effect is more than dramatic enough for others to know what's happening. During particularly bad periods Tristian spends the nights elsewhere- sometimes on his own, but usually with a friend like Jhod. It doesn't take much to get a petty vent-y snipe out of Balthazar over much smaller conflicts but this is where you get the Neutral Good Rant.

As for forgiving... Balthazar is, in some ways, much faster to forgive and forget. He hates being the one to apologize first, but when the fight's over in his eyes, it's over. He doesn't expect Tristian to hold a grudge and he doesn't resent Tristian for seeing things differently than he does. It can be harder for Tristian to truly forgive. On the one hand, he can be a fairly easygoing person and the power of forgiveness is something he believes very strongly in. But on the other he's an intensely principled individual and when something really gets under his skin it's harder than he'd like to let it go. Adding to that a tendency to break things down to relatively black and white situations and be naive in judgment for better or worse only complicates things.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

The higher the romance level of the ask, the more embarrassingly long it takes to answer, I fear...

Balthazar's a great kisser. He has a lot of experience. He tends to be a bit forceful and domineering, and he absolutely bites given half a chance, but if that's not a deterrent... he's very, very good with his mouth in every way.

Tristian is far more of an amateur, but certainly isn't a bad learner. At first he mostly follows Balthazar's lead, but over time develops more surety. He's the sort of romantic to enjoy long kisses, sweet or passionate. The enthusiasm goes a long way towards developing technique.

As for first kiss... It happened not terribly long after Tristian was rescued from Nyrissa. For a time after that the two were nearly inseparable, and while there hadn't been a definite confession of love that emerged from the whole Oculus affair, there was a lot of clear tension. The waters of the changed relationship were still being tested. The kiss was a fairly significant test and came in the midst of a conversation that was more or less a confession, in that awkward way where no one is ready for the vulnerability of explicitly saying "I love you." And it was actually initiated by Tristian. Balthazar had been rejected by Tristian enough times in the past not to take for granted what he thought Tristian might feel about the situation. It wasn't until Tristian made a pretty unmistakable move that the reality of the situation set in. As for the quality: "It was by all accounts a bad kiss: sloppy, wet, aimless, and awkwardly full of teeth. And worst, it was over too soon." The second one, immediately after, was much better.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

A surprisingly complicated question and not a straightforward yes.

Tristian is committed to helping Balthazar build and maintain his realm and was well before liking him on any level. Over time he's come to believe in Balthazar's capabilities as a leader, but also continues to see potential to be better. Kinder. More gracious. To him, a part of helping is intervening and steering things in one direction or another. It's always like that with him- supportive but not always unconditionally. Or maybe it's more right to think that the challenge is a part of the support. Why do you want this? How else could it be done? What is it about the trade offs that makes you prefer this method to another? There's less intensity to the challenge in smaller affairs, but it's always lurking around the edges. Overall he is supportive though: he wants Balthazar to be happy and to experience satisfaction, he just wants to make sure those successes aren't consistently coming at the expense of others.

Balthazar is freer with his support. If it doesn't come at the direct expense of a project of his own, he's happy to indulge Tristian and to do what he thinks will make him happy. But he doesn't always believe in Tristian's capacity to succeed in his goals. He's far more cynical than Tristian, for one thing, and doesn't think that optimistic projects will tend to bear fruit. It's very much like this with Tristian's personal struggle to be redeemed. Balthazar wants Tristian to be happy and to live without being burdened by self-loathing, and knowing that he can never completely persuade Tristian to let go of the guilt he wants to help Tristian with whatever might bring him some level of ease. He never even considers the possibility that the goddess who turned her back on Tristian would restore his abilities or welcome him back. He takes it as a given than the gods are petty and that level of favor is gone for good once lost. That lack of faith is ultimately to his own detriment- it blinds him to potential.

#silversiren1101 #ask me emithing #ask game #balthazar lucienne #balthazar and tristian #tristian #while I'm editing anyway I'll say the letter is now FULLY done. hooray!

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outeremissary · 11 months

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△-Balthazar, just what is it that you see in Tristian? Why him, of all people?

[2/10, too easily deflected]

A half smile tugs at the edge of his mouth. "How novel to be asked that- most people are fond of Tristian, you know. Is it so hard to imagine that my reasons are the same as anyone else's? Or did you think we didn't get along?"

He studies your reaction, bemused. Before you can answer, he continues. "Still, if that's not enough to satisfy, I'll simply say this: we understand one another, and I think that's a rare thing.

"It doesn't make for good gossip, does it?"

[prompt]

#ultimate balthazar answer for being both evasive and containing a lie by implication #sorry!#I could give a direct answer in the tags... but that feels like cheating ehe #ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar lucienne #balthazar and tristian #cassynite

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outeremissary · 1 year

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For Balthazar and Tristian: 4., 8. and 14. 💖

From this prompt list... some parts of this felt like a challenge to keep it all spoiler free, but I’ve done my best!!!

4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be “protected”?

Balthazar certainly believes he’s the more protective one. He’s quick to defend Tristian’s reputation and to quietly undermine people who spread rumors about Tristian. And when it comes to threats against him, there’s no hesitation and no mercy at all. He’s even willing to fight for Tristian himself if it comes to it. He’s not much of a fighter, but if it takes that kind of risk to keep Tristian safe, he’ll dive in without thinking. Tristian is practically the only person Balthazar is willing to risk himself for. There’s not much he wouldn’t do to know Tristian is safe.

With all that said. There's a terribly strong case to be made that it's actually Tristian. Tristian may be better attuned to Balthazar's safety than Balthazar himself- he's always thinking ahead of threats against Balthazar and how to ward against them (and there are an awful lot of threats to track). He's the one who argues most intensely against Balthazar putting himself in risky situations, and he has significant concerns about Balthazar going out to do things alone. After one incident in which Balthazar was seriously hurt, Tristian started inviting himself along any time he was concerned for Balthazar's safety (something which was not at all appreciated at the time). And when there is a choice that must be made between Balthazar's life and the lives of others... Well, Sarenrae forgives some straying, doesn't she? Keeping Balthazar safe is a thankless job, but it's a significant preoccupation of Tristian's. No matter what it takes, Balthazar won't die as long as he has something to say about it.

Either way, definitely an element of "How could you be so reckless?!" *turns around and does something just as bad*

8. What happens if one of them gets sick?

If Balthazar gets sick, then Tristian would be the one personally tending him. He wouldn’t leave his side without being sure of Balthazar's safety- especially considering the way strange ailments have a way of plaguing the Stolen Lands. As an expert healer, making sure Balthazar is cared for wouldn't be a significant challenge, but he'd still want to be present as much as possible for comfort and to keep an eye on things. If the illness was serious, however, you'd be hard pressed to get him to leave Balthazar's side. It would drive him mad with worry until he knew Balthazar was recovering, and even then he'd lose sleep over it. When I think about it, Balthazar does have a knack for getting seriously injured or cursed… something adjacent to this happens more often than it probably should.

Balthazar isn’t exactly useful at a sickbed, but he'd hang around anyway. He'd be quick to abandon responsibilities to advisors to make himself available, especially if it was serious. If he was made to leave, he’d fret nonstop and be in a mood that made life unpleasant for everyone around him. Either way he'd do everything he could to be sure that Tristian was as well cared for as possible- the best medicine available, the best healer... it might seem like too much for small illnesses, but he can't help but worry for Tristian's comfort and safety. He'd say as much to any protest.

14. How do their personalities complement each other? How do they clash?

I already answered this one, but I can add some Extra Things just for fun!

At times, Balthazar gets impatient with the amount of time Tristian gives up to other people. Tristian will sometimes suddenly cancel plans with Balthazar if something he thinks is important comes up and trust Balthazar to understand, but it does annoy him a great deal. Balthazar can't really understand (or doesn't want to) prioritizing spontaneous acts of charity over a loved one.

On the other hand, Balthazar has a habit he often falls into of speaking vaguely or in implication and innuendo which seem fairly clear to him, and it can be very confusing and sometimes frustrating for Tristian, who can't always follow. Clarity of communication would be appreciated.

Generally, Balthazar has an easier time keeping calm and adapting when plans are thrown off, something which is very reassuring.

Together both of them are incredibly good at social tasks and planning. Balthazar has always been socially gifted and generally has a strong understanding of how people work, and Tristian has a deep investment in and care for others. It's an excellent combined skillset for a kingdom. It also makes it easy for them to consult with one another about projects. In the end they have similar visions for outcomes even if the reasoning for wanting them can be different.

Both of them are hard workers with a tendency to get lost in projects (which one might not expect of Balthazar considering his tendency to avoid tasks he dislikes, but is true), and this means a tendency towards late nights and skipped meals left to their own devices. It winds up being that they keep an eye on one another and mitigate some of these tendencies- there's a strong "well, it's fine for me to be doing unhealthy things, but I'm not going to let you!" mentality there.

#ask game #ask me emithing #dmagedgoods #balthazar and tristian #there's a growing running theme in these of 'Balthazar thinks x. this is incorrect.'#I swear it's not intentional.#there are also some things here I'd probably elaborate on if not for spoilers #hopefully they're coherent all around ^^;;#side note I'm not sure I've ever read sickfic like at all #I should not have stayed up this late I will have regrets in the morning oops

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outeremissary · 1 year

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Hey for those OTP asks...6 and 17 for Balthazar and Tristian? Those are my favorites on the list 👀

Responding to this prompt list, which genuinely jumpscared me in December when it posted from queue. ^^;; I appreciate the faith you put in me asking about it when I was already nearly a month behind answering your other ask, as well as your patience when it took this long to get together... I'd been so focused on the ones from November I forgot this one a little, and when I dug back up the prompt list to answer it was a moment of "wait, THAT'S why I've been thinking so much about this for a solid month?!" Anyway. Enough rambling from me.

(note: there are really Kingmaker spoilers in this)

6. When did they realize they loved each other?

Hm. There was some good space between the two realizations, so I suppose I'll be answering separately, if I'm understanding the question right?

Tristian realized some time between the end of the Bloom and the disappearances in Varnhold. That was a space where the two of them were spending much more time together than they had previously and moving from "people who tolerate each other, mostly" to "friends but no one else understands how." Somewhere in there was a moment- or maybe more than one- where it suddenly clicked. Some bright, unguarded smile or a nose wrinkled in an impatient huff or maybe some vague tuneless hum overheard in a moment of quiet. He'd already sabotaged Nyrissa's assassination attempt during the Bloom without being able to explain why besides an ambiguous sense of guilt, but this was where he truly realized that if he was asked to hurt Balthazar he'd never be able to go through with it.

Balthazar didn't realize that he was in love until Tristian betrayed him. In the aftermath, he realized that he didn't feel angry about it at all, just hurt and afraid that in some way this meant he'd never really known Tristian at all. The journey back from Vordakai's tomb was long and there was a lot of time together process what that meant. It felt like too much time to think, and then far, far too much time to be stuck with the realization after the "oh." moment. Balthazar hadn't really been in love before- there was something very frightening and vulnerable about it. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that the deadly circumstances didn't leave much space for overthinking it!

For the record, most of the party was aware of Balthazar's crush long before he was. Embarrassing... On the other hand, somehow no one was really sure about Tristian until afterwards.

17. Who fell in love first?

It was close, but Tristian... perhaps. There was some point around or after the Bloom where he began to see Balthazar in a different way. The way he tirelessly worked against the plague without ever thinking to flee, his ability to think steps ahead of disaster to save lives, and his fierce insistence that somehow, the disaster would be solved. He also placed his trust in Tristian again and again- something unexpected and deeply relieving. There were a lot of moments of deep, genuinely vulnerability from Balthazar during the Bloom that Tristian was witness to, especially when in a moment of true desperation he went to meet Nyrissa deep in the Narlmarches and barely escaped with his life. Seeing Balthazar risk his life and then being the one at his side when he was still weak and slowly recovering was a kind of revelation. As much as he was upset that Balthazar had suddenly done something so terribly reckless at the critical moment and nearly ruined all of Tristian’s efforts to save him and undermine the Bloom, it was also the kind of surprise that touched him and drew him in. Somewhere along the way from there the feelings started to change.

#pfkm spoilers #ask me emithing #ask game #turbulentpumpkin43 #balthazar and tristian #I know that thanks to my ignorance of the actual canon romance (please no spoilers) I have a... different timeline of things. I think.#and perhaps some things one looks at and simply says 'ah! that's wrong'#trying to be less self conscious about that #congrats to tristian for rare emotional intelligence w from me #I should NOT be posting this late oops

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outeremissary · 1 year

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3, 14, 19 for Balthazar/Tristian for the OTP ask game :)

3. Do they wear each other’s clothes? (sweatshirt, bandana, necklace, etc.)

Not much, really. In a practical sense, it would be difficult. Balthazar’s a bit smaller and a lot more slight than Tristian, so Tristian borrowing clothes wouldn’t exactly be comfortable. And Balthazar has some terribly awkward wings by the time the two of them are together- his clothes have to be tailored to him to accommodate the wings, and it’s difficult to wear clothes that haven’t been altered. Although it doesn’t stop him from occasionally stealing Tristian’s cloak or robe just in the spirit of mischief (and slowing down the process of getting dressed).

Not clothing per se, but Balthazar enjoys using his own brooches to fasten Tristian’s cloak whenever he helps Tristian get dressed- something to serve as a subtle touch of connection even when they’re apart. Tristian always waits until they’re apart to check what he’s been given. It’s a pleasant ritual to discover it, and it’s a point of comfort to reach for over the course of the day. He always returns Balthazar’s things very carefully at the end of the day.

14. How do their personalities complement each other? How do they clash?

The ways they clash are probably more obvious. Tristian is earnest to a fault and a person with very strong moral principles that he lives by (theoretically), while Balthazar is an ambitious person who often gets what he wants through deceit and trickery. There's a lot of natural tension between them- for a long time after meeting they really didn't like each other at all. Balthazar was quick to write Tristian off as dull and uptight, while Tristian rankled at the callous disregard Balthazar had for others. Tristian is also someone who clings a lot to an ideal of celestial virtue that Balthazar has spent most of his life trying to get away from. Even though the initial hostility faded there's still always some degree of friction. It can seem that Balthazar is too careless or too cold, or that Tristian demands too much without compromise. Always some arguments in there.

As for complementing... really, some of the clashes can be ways they cover each other's weaknesses at times. Neither cold pragmatism nor strong optimism can solve every problem- there's a sort of balance there, in a way. Or at the least a way to keep Balthazar's Machiavellian tendencies in check. And also I guess I'd like to think that their positive traits can influence one another as well- Tristian being a bit more flexible and better able to see nuance in a situation, and Balthazar becoming more open and trusting. Maybe this doesn't really count as a "complementary" thing but also like... the ability to be very earnest with one another. Balthazar is someone who doesn't let his guard down easily, but over time he begins to trust Tristian to understand his experiences without condescending to him about them. While Tristian isn't as obviously closed off as Balthazar is, he still doesn't put himself out there easily and feels a lot of shame confronting things about himself. Balthazar doesn't judge Tristian for any of his choices. He has a lot of empathy for the situation that makes beginning to sort through it easier. (And Balthazar does sincerely love Tristian's flaws, even if Tristian doesn't)

19. How do they feel about PDA?

Not at all self-conscious, that’s for sure. There aren’t a lot of big, dramatic gestures, but certainly there are plenty of small, intimate ones: entwining fingers, leaning into one another, gently brushing hair away from the face, a soft kiss pressed to the hand… It’s about the reassurance of knowing the other is present. It’s also the case that Balthazar is a bit clingy (something that surprises him) and Tristian is somewhat touch starved so…

It's embarrassing to watch, really.

#hiiiiiiiiiiii answering this a uhhhhhhh month and a half late (Jesus Christ.)#whoops!!#not sure what happened with that. anyway.#I know romance isn't my strong suit so honestly I think I was just nervous. and also the executive dysfunction but #a lot of it was probably having a lot of thoughts and not really knowing how best to articulate.#it's probably a bit silly but I always feel like I'm trying to make a case for this when I'm talking about it #possibly because I was once asked “how does that work” and told my explanation made no sense ^^;;#living and learning though.#anyway I've rewritten parts of this many times and then finished it all in after midnight hours so! hope it's coherent.#it is so so long overdue.#ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar and tristian #turbulentpumpkin43 #just recently realized many people put the URL of the asker in the tags...?#trying to develop better habits. may dig up and link the prompt list post later but it's 3 in the morning right now

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