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malevolent-muse · 5 months

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Closing Arguments - Barisi Fan Fiction

Sonny Carisi is conflicted about the outcome of a court case.

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Standing at the top of the courthouse steps, Sonny Carisi heaved a sigh as he looked out across the square. As much as a breath of fresh air revived him, he could dismiss the misgivings he had about exiting the building.

"Hey," Barba said, pulling Carisi's attention away with a friendly pat on the back, "let's go."

"We shouldn't be leaving," Carisi replied as he watched the assistant district attorney begin to descend the steps.

Pausing in his stride and turning around, Barba remarked, "Detective, the court is in recess. And I need some coffee. You coming or not?"

Hesitant, Carisi shifted nervously.

"Sonny," Barba practically barked, "come on."

Reluctantly, Carisi followed. His, and the rest of the Special Victims Unit’s efforts for the past month had been focused on not only finding probable cause for arresting Major Simmons but ensuring he would be convicted as well. It wasn't every day that a humble NYPD officer was permitted to pursue a case against a high ranking military member. Consequently, this case could make or break Carisi's career. A lot was riding on the court's ruling.

His mind was churning over potential scenarios of how the day might play out, and Carisi hardly noticed where he was going as he trailed behind Barba. It seemed as though the prosecutor was hardly bothered as he nonchalantly stopped at a food cart and ordered a coffee.

"Do you want anything?" Barba asked. "My treat."

When Carisi did not immediately respond, he pressed again.

"Carisi, can I get you something?"

"No, Counselor," he replied, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I'm fine."

Handing over a few paper bills to the vendor as Barba graciously accepted the paper cup filled with the steaming beverage.

"Come," the ADA said, grabbing the detective by the elbow and pulling him alongside him, "let's go for a walk."

Grumbling, Carisi relented and fell in step with Barba.

Taking a tentative sip of his drink first, Barba asked, "Do you want to tell me what is bothering you? This case is rock solid. There is no need to act like a nervous nelly. I've got this. Or do you not have confidence in my ability to try this case?"

"No, that's not it," Carisi answered.

"Then what is it?"

Finding himself unable to put it into words, the junior detective held off from answering.

"Sonny," Barba pushed again, "what is it?"

"I'm worried what will happen when you win this case."

"I'm paid to win cases, not to lose them. And why would you be worried? Do you think Simmons would retaliate against me or SVU?"

"No," Carisi mumbled. "It's just..."

"Just what?"

Glancing around to see who was around them, Carisi didn't want anyone overhearing what he was about to say.

"If you win this case, Counselor, it would make it very difficult for me to justify to myself, or anyone else for that matter, the reasons why I want to leave the NYPD."

"You want to leave SVU?" Barba questioned, a stunned hesitation in his tone.

"No," Carisi replied emphatically. "But I also pursued a law degree for a reason. And now that I've passed the bar, the reality of leaving a secure job to barrel headfirst into the unknown is terrifying. Additionally, attaching this high-profile conviction to my record as an officer and justifying a departure becomes more difficult."

"I'm confused," Barba quipped. "You say you don't want to leave SVU. But from the sounds of it, you also think you should. What are you so conflicted about?"

Stopping in his tracks, Carisi eyed the shorter man. Barba's bright hazel green eyes were keen with interest below his hooded brow, as the occasional fleck of gray in a sea of dark brown hair glinted in the sun. Though there was an age difference between them, Carisi couldn't help but feel a strong emotional connection to the ADA.

"If I stay at SVU, Rafa," he finally admitted, "we can't be together."

Sighing, Barba rolled his eyes and said, "Oh," before walking away.

"Oh? That's all you have to say?" Carisi replied, quick to catch up with the prosecutor.

"You're being dramatic for no damn reason," Barba retorted. "We're together now, and it has had no impact on your standing within your unit. In fact, and I am one-hundred percent positive about this, it would also not have any impact if you allowed us to be open about our relationship."

"You're not a cop," Carisi explained. "You have no idea how gay men are treated within the NYPD."

"Please," Barba scoffed. "As if being an openly queer man in any government job is easy."

"It would be a lot easier if I quit SVU and pursued a career as an attorney."

"Listen, Sonny, if that's what you want to do, I'll support you. But if you're going to stay with SVU, if you find your work as a detective fulfilling, I am willing to support you in that decision as well. But if your justification for leaving a job you love is because you want to come out of the closet, then I'm not okay with that. And, I'm telling you, Liv will understand. She will be your biggest ally. With her on your side, the rest of the team will fall in line."

"I'm just...," Carisi said with trepidation, "I'm just not ready yet."

Resting his hand on his boyfriend's arm, Barba gave it a tentative squeeze and replied, "I know, Sonny. I know. And it's okay."

Hanging his head, Carisi blinked away the moisture that had gathered in the corners of his eyes. He should be more careful about bringing up this sort of subject, especially in public.

"You hungry, Detective?" Barba asked, resuming the facade of professionalism. "Let me buy you a hotdog."

A smile colored Carisi's lips as he replied, "I thought you hated hot dogs. You said they are disgusting because they're made from the least appetizing parts of a pig."

"And I stand by that assessment. However, a Staten Island boy like you isn't bothered by such inconsequential facts, are you?"

"Well," Carisi admitted, his stomach growling, "it's better than relying on chemical stimulates like caffeine to get you through the day."

Rolling his eyes in response once more, Barba led the detective over to a nearby food cart.

"One hotdog, please," Barba said, pulling out his wallet. "Mustard and onions only."

"How did you know?" Carisi asked.

"I pay attention," Barba returned with a wink, taking the paper encased snack and handing it off to his boyfriend.

Somewhat placated, Sonny took a bite and savored the rich flavors washing over his palate. Next to him, Barba sipped at his coffee and glanced down at his watch.

"Hurry up, detective, we've got to get going. I don't want to make a bad last impression showing up late for closing arguments."

Nodding, Carisi took a bigger bite as he and Barba began to walk back towards the courthouse. Chewing quickly as they went, he swallowed. However, the detective soon figured out that that particular bite was a bit too big. Coughing against the food lodged in his throat, dread washed over Carisi as he realized it was stuck.

The remains of his food dropped to the ground as Carisi stopped in his tracks. Reaching up to tug at his collar, his eyes went wide.

Having noticed the discarded hotdog, Barba turned to look at his detective.

"Carisi, you okay?"

Sonny shook his head 'no' as he was unable to speak.

Quick to action, Barba's cup of coffee was hastily discarded on the ground, its contents splashing on the pavement. After placing a hand on the detective's chest, the ADA held Carisi steady as he placed coordinated blows across the detective's back.

"Sonny!" the prosecutor said as he tried to prevent his boyfriend from choking to death.

When his actions did not result in the food becoming dislodged, Barba had no other choice but to get behind Carisi. Placing his hands together in a fist, he performed a couple of abdominal thrusts.

Sputtering, the bit of hot dog flew from his throat and landed on the asphalt in front of them with a soft splat.

"He okay?" a passerby inquired.

"He's fine," Barba replied as he gently patted the detective on his back.

Still partial doubled over, his hands on his knees, Carisi attempted to recapture his breath. When finally he straightened back up, he was met with the very concerned face of his boyfriend.

"You okay, Sonny?"

"I'm fine. Just a bit of a scare,” Carisi replied, wiping at his now watering eyes.

"You're scared? I just nearly killed my boyfriend after buying him a dangerous hotdog and then outing him by dry humping him in public."

Rolling his eyes, Carisi smacked Barba jovially in the chest and replied, "Come on, Rafael. You said you didn't want to be late for closing arguments."

[Next Work→]

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homerjacksons · 3 months

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what are your top 5 fave fanfics you've written?

Oooh thank you for the question! It took me a bit to like...actually decide? I have 120 published works on AO3 and while an awful lot are Not Good, there's also quite a few I am fond of.

Still I See You, Celestial - Law and Order SVU - Rafael Barba/Sonny Carisi

This is the biggest fic I've ever written. It was a nanowrimo project and tbh I haven't reread it in so long and I'm terrified it's actually awful but the fact that I wrote that many words into a cohesive story is something I'm proud of.

Blue Christmas - Law and Order SVU - Sonny Carisi/Peter Stone

idk why but I actually think about this one a lot and I reread it semi-regularly which may be embarrassing to admit but I don't care

That Old Feeling - Law and Order SVU - Rafael Barba/Sonny Carisi

It had been so long since I'd written for Barisi and then I wrote this and it still stands out in my mind as one of my best, if not my actual best, Barisi fics.

sunlight, sunlight, sunlight - Law and Order SVU - Kat Tamin/Amanda Rollins

LOOK. It's rare that I find f/f potential in my dumb shows cos unless I'm specifically seeking out f/f content, I so often find that female characters and female relationships on screen are just so poorly written that I am never inspired (and I'm a big weirdo who almost never feels inspired to write fic for canon ships???). So when these two inspired me???? When I had a canon bi on my fave show??? I had to. And I am still so pleased with how sweet and soft this turned out.

the feeling of audible cracks - Ripper Street - Homer Jackson/Edmund Reid

This is a very very recent one and I probably could have found better. But this one is also just...very personal to me. I've always shied away from sharing fics like this one because people like to attack those who write them and I'm an insecure baby. But this fandom is teeny and I give less fucks than I used to, so I wrote this one for me and shared it for anyone who may wish to read it.

#law and order svu #svu #barisi #starisi #tamlins #rafael barba #sonny carisi #peter stone #kat tamin #amanda rollins #ripper street #jackmund #homer jackson #edmund reid #my writing #asked and answered

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moirai-moros · 6 months

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bar none · chapter one; wednesday (ao3 link) - pairing: rafael barba/dominick "sonny" carisi jr. rating: t, later prob. m+ words: 3672 summary:

“You’re really intending to sit the bar next week? In the condition you’re in?” “Yeah? I mean, is that so hard to believe? I’m just a little roughed up is all.” “Roughed up?” The counsellor repeated, his voice tinged with disbelief. “You were shot by an assailant. You have a head wound. And you think that putting yourself through a bar exam is the correct way to recover from that?” With a sigh, Sonny sank back into the pillows on the bed. “Look, I appreciate the concern, Counselor, I really do. But I know you’ve worked really hard for things you’re not willing to give up on, even when the odds weren’t in your favour. Maybe it’s a dumb idea to assume I can think straight enough to pass the bar after hitting every stair on my way down, but I don’t want to… not try. I’ve put a lot into this, and I’m not givin’ up, not now. Not so close to the finish line.”

tl;dr; an A.D.A. helps a Fordham Law student revise for the bar from a hospital bed.

When Sonny came to, he immediately regretted regaining consciousness.

Everything burned, everything hurt, everything was too loud and too bright. Eyes adjusting to the offensive brightness of the hospital fluorescents and crisp linen bedding, his mind spun its wheels aimlessly for a moment - two - as he tried to regain his bearings. It felt like he’d been reset, roughly turned off then on again like the vending machine in the break room that was always on the fritz, and he certainly felt like he’d had the shit kicked out of him just as much.

“Carisi?” A voice spoke from somewhere beside him, one familiar enough to force him to focus his eyes and try to gather himself together enough to rejoin reality again.

Canting his head to the side - Christ, his head hurt - the image of an overly-concerned Rollins swam into sharpness. Brow furrowed, she looked like she hadn’t slept in some time judging by the rings underneath her eyes, one hand reaching forward and clasped around his own forearm - and dimly, Sonny realised where he was.

“Rollins.” He was aiming for that trademark Carisi-family confidence in his response, but to his dismay it came out as more of a grating croak. Ugh. “Hey, you look awful.”

The concern on her face was quickly replaced by surprise, then bemusement as she scoffed. “Obviously you haven’t looked in a mirror recently, but thanks for the compliment. Charming.” She pauses briefly, expression softening as Sonny looks around the room sluggishly, trying to piece the mess that was him in this hospital bed back together. “How are you feeling? Y’know, you gave us quite a scare back there.”

Back where?

It’s Sonny’s turn to frown as he turns his head back to rest position on his pillow, the effort too much to both keep up an appearance for Rollins and try to figure out what had put him in here.

Last thing he remembered… think, Sonny, think. Okay, so he’d been at work - that much he could remember, because he can remember Fin putting in their evening takeaway order (two chow meins, a bag of prawn crackers and a large fried rice from the Chinese joint two blocks away); he can remember them being interrupted by the Lieutenant as the prawn crackers had just been broken out, sending Sonny and Rollins over to check out a suspicious call placed by a witness on a case they were currently working; he can remember Amanda making snarky comments about his driving on the way there, and he can remember the just as snarky rebuttals he’d made in response (“Yeah, well, I can’t drive, but you can’t boil water without settin’ it on fire.”).

They’d turned up to the apartment block what, perhaps nine? Nine thirty? It was dark out and New York was sporting a classic miserable winter’s evening, because Sonny remembers being cold as all hell as he didn’t remember to bring his thicker jacket. A witness had called SVU in a relative panic, babbling into the phone incoherently about being afraid and paranoid, and “please, just come quickly”. The call had been so non-specific and hard to understand that the actual problem wasn’t really apparent, so Liv had sent him and Rollins to do a welfare check, especially since this was the only witness they’d managed to convince to stay on their rolodex for a potential testimony further down the track.

The case itself was a sticky one: hard to tie together and lacking a lot of concrete evidence, but flush with consequential evidence and obvious lines to draw together. The perfect combination to give the entirety of SVU and the DA’s Office a collective migraine, hence the overtime, hence the late night, hence the prawn crackers and quickly cooling tupperware of chow mein that had sat at Sonny’s desk. An elaborate front of high-school tutors - all young women, all decidedly underage, all listed like they were in a catalogue on an innocuous looking website - had been circulating the depraved underbelly of the city, money changing hands in legitimate-looking ways to solicit teenagers for exploitation. TARU had their work cut out for them, and no hard evidence had floated to the top of the bucket of scum yet. They had been attempting to ply overseas domain providers with warrants and as much pressure as SVU could put on, but aside from identifying some local girls involved with the ring, their work the whole week had come up with a big fat nothing.

That might’ve been why Sonny hadn’t really expected the way things played out that evening. The welfare check, by all ticks and balances, should’ve also been a bit fat nothing. But, as he’s starting to remember as his head threatens to tear itself into small pieces, it had definitely been a bit fat something.

The entire situation had felt off as soon as the lady had answered the door. Small things, that Sonny simply catalogues as a second thought now - the wobble of a voice, the watery look in her green eyes, the fact that she would only open the door a crack to show a sign of life to the people she’d called over just twenty minutes ago. Exchanging a look with Rollins as they stood out in the apartment corridor, Carisi had asked a couple of standard questions - was she safe? (“yes,”), was there anyone else at home besides her? (“no- … no.”) and then the fatal, could we come in for a moment?

Hm. Yeah, he could remember why he was here now.

The question had shot such fear into the woman that she’d fatally faltered in her act, eyes darting off to the side to some unknown player in the room behind her - and then, a flurry of action had unfolded. The door swung back on its hinges hard enough for the wood to scream as it slammed into the inside wall, a large man pushing his way out and essentially bowling over the two detectives standing outside, sending them staggering for balance as he made a run for it down the corridor. Sonny had already had one hand on his gun at the fearful glance from the witness, drawing it as he and Rollins took off down the corridor after him.

“Stop, NYPD!” He’d yelled in full sprint, handgun still trained on the figure as they rounded a corner to the stairwell. Of course, he wasn’t stopping but instead trying to jump the stairs three at a time, the detectives thundering after him and managing to actually close a lot of the distance despite the cramped quarters - and it’s when they catch up to the same flight of stairs that the man stops for a second and raises his own weapon.

“Gun!” Rollins shouted with urgency, turning to the far side of the stairwell’s wall to take cover. Sonny, already a third down the flight, had no such cover to turn to and faced with an aggravated suspect, he froze midstep and squeezed the trigger.

It all happened so quickly - the familiar pop of a gunshot, or gunshots? ripping through the air like a knife through canvas - and, well. Now?

Now, Sonny was here.

- hold on.

“Wait, I got shot?” He asked incredulously, voice tinged in disbelief. “I thought I shot him.”

“You got shot,” Rollins confirmed politely. “And, you fell down the rest of the stairs.”

“God,” Sonny’s voice came out as a mumble as he attempted to raise his hands to summarily bury his face in, but the pain that shoots up his right arm when he does so makes him swiftly reconsider. “You’re kidding. Ain’t no way I’m gonna live this down.”

“What, that you got shot in the line of duty? Are you serious?”

“And, I fell down the stairs. Is that why my head feels like I’ve gone twenty rounds in a ring with the Hulk?”

“Well, if you want the laundry list: you have a fairly major concussion, a gunshot wound in your right shoulder, and a sprained ankle.” Distantly, Sonny’s aware that Rollins was trying to keep things light, but even concussed he could pick up the underlying worry in her voice. “Let’s just say you’re not getting discharged tonight, and the doctor says you’re banned from - uh, how did he put it? - ‘any phones and whatnot’ for several weeks.”

“Several weeks,” Sonny repeated, eyes slipping closed as he desperately wondered just who the hell he’d pissed off upstairs to have eaten shit so hard while simply pursuing a suspect. “Several weeks.”

(There’s something important, something critical in his head that conflicted strongly with the idea of taking off ‘several weeks’, but the what, the why was too difficult to sort from all the pain and brain-fog. Too much effort.)

“Yeah. Look, I’ve got to go tell Liv that you’re awake - she’s been worried sick about you all night and I’m pretty sure she’s still hanging about. Actually, I’m pretty sure most of the crew are still hanging about.”

He’d roll his eyes at that, but his head hurt too much. Denied the pleasure. “Gloating?”

“Oh, shut up.” Rollins admonished, slowly drawing herself up from the hospital chair with a stiffness that belied sitting in it all night. “You might’ve taken a fall, but you got the guy too. You did good.”

Ah.

“Dead?” He croaked, cracking a tired look back at Amanda.

“Not dead.” She corrected. “Incapacitated. Luckily, incapacitated enough not to shoot at us anymore.”

Oh, fuck. That’s right, what an asshole he was being right now - “God, Rollins, I forgot to ask, are you-”

“I’m totally fine.” His question was cut off before he could finish it, but from what he could make out of Amanda’s face, she looked reassuring. Warm. Not shot. “Thanks to you, for really taking the brunt of it.”

Carisi laughs at that, a dry empty chuckle that makes him instantly wish he hadn’t. Everything burned. Everything felt like shit. But at least it had been for something, right? Even if his pride hurt as much as his brain did right now?

“You’re welcome,” He settled on as Rollins headed over to the door, eyes following her as closely as he could manage. Punctuating her exit with a tired grin; “Though if you feel real grateful, consider the large stack of overdue paperwork on my desk.”

All he hears is Amanda scoff again, and then the room is quiet.

He must’ve drifted off after that, because the next time Sonny wakes up it’s the morning, and the nurse informs him there’s more visitors.

Normally he’d be thrilled to be the center of such adoring attention, but he’d been having the most awful nightmare just before waking. God, it was terrible; to think that he’d dreamed that the bar exam was in a week, and that he’d put himself in a position where he’d injured himself so stupidly and so thoroughly that it’d be near impossible to -

Oh, sweet Mother Mary.

Draping his good arm over his face, Sonny swears under his breath at the sheer stupidity of the universe and all of its creations, yes, even those ones. So deep is he in his current Defcon-5 that he doesn’t realise that the nurse had let two people into his room, and those people had started to repeat themselves louder to get his attention.

“Carisi?” Olivia repeated, strongly enough that it gets him to lift his right arm to look in her direction. Standing at the side of his bed was the Lieutenant, and, strangely, A.D.A. Barba. He - what was he doing here? “Are you alright?”

“Fantastic,” Sonny quipped, his voice still hoarse. “Really great. I think I’ll put in for the New York marathon next week.”

Olivia simply gave him a look that said in no uncertain terms that she could now relax; he was being Carisi, and therefore, he was actually fine (in a relative sense). “Yeah? Noble, but I might hold off on that, actually.”

And right now, it’s easier to just maintain eye contact with the Lieutenant than try to figure out why Barba had tagged along, much less perceive the fact that he had. Here Sonny was, having flown down fifteen stairs and eaten the vinyl floor of a barely-liveable Harlem apartment, looking his worst, feeling his worst, and literally prostrate in front of the one person he only ever wanted to see the best of him. It was absolutely, thoroughly embarrassing right down to Carisi’s core, that he was lying in bed like a dumbass for being a dumbass right now in front of - him.

Him.

If only a giant sinkhole could’ve swallowed the entire apartment building up with him, then this could’ve all been easily solved, but unfortunately the sinkholes in New York never appeared where you wanted them to.

“Rollins gave me an update last night, but the doctors recommended that you got rest so we decided to leave you to it.” Olivia continued. “The squad sends their well wishes, though Fin passes on that he’s ‘commandeered your leftovers.’”

A dry chuckle escaped Sonny at that - and some mild regret. It was good chow mein.

“And to what do I owe the pleasure today?” Carisi asked with an attempt at light-heartedness, glancing up between his two visitors - especially since Barba had yet to say a word. Unnerving, and far too much stress for his battered head to handle. “The Lieutenant and the A.D.A.? Am I getting told off?”

It’s Barba’s turn to scoff quietly, and if Sonny knew any better, he’d say that the counsellor almost looked - concerned?

“Believe me, if that were the case, I would’ve done it already.” Barba stated, his gaze as piercing as ever. Unfair, Sonny thinks, because he’s already been pierced through-and-through by one thing in the last 24 hours. “Actually, I came along with Olivia to check on the suspect’s status - the People can’t prosecute the dead.”

Oddly, Sonny’s heart dropped slightly at the selfish thought that Barba hadn’t simply come down to the hospital to see how he was doing - but yeah, why would he? Better things to do.

“And?”

“You’ll be pleased to know he’ll make a full recovery.”

“Great,” Sonny replied flatly, allowing himself to close his eyes again if only because it was easier than witnessing this entire situation.

“I agree; he’ll be held accountable to the full extent of the law. A huge amount more satisfying than indicting a corpse.”

“Is this your attempt at bedside manner, Counsellor?” The detective groaned. “It could use some work. Like, a lot of work.”

Somewhere down by the foot of the bed, a quick inhale made it sound like Barba was about to retort but Olivia quickly cut whatever it was off with her own question.

“And how are you doing, Carisi? How are you feeling?”

“Yeah, fine,” Attempting to brush it off, Sonny looks back up at Olivia like it’d definitely convince her. It did not. “Honestly. I’m stuck here for a bit, but y’know. Gotta make the best of things. It’s not like I can un-shoot myself.”

Olivia sighed knowingly, her arms crossing over her chest. “Okay, well, is there anything that we can get for you while you’re holed up in here?”

“Nah.” - is his automatic response, because Sonny’s so used to looking after other people that the idea of being asked what he needs is so foreign that a thick, Staten Island-accented ‘nah’ is his go-to - but.

“Actually -” He started again, shifting up in bed slightly. The pain of doing so was apparently evident on his face, as he notices Barba’s eyes flick towards him as he does so. Unreadable, as always. “Could I trouble someone to grab some things from my apartment?”

“Sure. Clothes?”

“Nah, books. There’s a big stack of ‘em on my coffee table, but please ignore the absolutely-everything-else that’s lying around. Haven’t had a chance to clean recently.”

“Oookay.” The look on Olivia’s face suggested that she thought clothes were a far better, far more useful option in Sonny’s situation. “Anything specific?”

“Yeah, just - anything that looks like a law textbook. Uh, I wasn’t going to tell anyone because I don’t think it’s good luck before you know the outcome, but my bar exam? It’s in a week. I kinda need to catch up on study.”

The ensuing silent pause in the room was deafening.

“Carisi, do you really think that’s such a good idea?” Olivia replied softly, in the way that she did when she saw someone in the squad doing something monumentally stupid with their well-being, or their relationships, or their anything. “You’ve just gone through a traumatic shock. Perhaps it’d be better to just… put the exam off until you’re in a better condition.”

The frown creasing Sonny’s brow did more explaining for him than his words needed to.

“Nah, nah, that’s not an option. I’ve been working real hard for this, real hard, and I don’t want to miss the final exam just because I fell down the goddamn stairs. Jesus.”

“Got shot,” Olivia corrected.

“However you wanna put it,” Sonny replied instantaneously. “Just. Please, I’m going to go mad in here with the five cable channels they’ve got, anyway. I need to do something with my time, and it mayaswell be somethin’ useful.”

Raising her hands in mock defeat, the lieutenant shook her head with a faint smile on her face. “Okay, I understand. Look, I’ll get Fin or Rollins to go over to yours and get your stuff sometime today. In the meantime, you should get some more rest before you think about doing anything academic.”

“Yeah, yeah. Promise.”

Moving to leave the room and give Sonny some space, Olivia looks expectantly at Rafael, still standing stoically by the foot of Sonny’s bed. And now, Sonny’s looking at him just as expectantly.

“Counsellor?” The lieutenant queried as she opened the door to Carisi’s room. To both of their surprises, Barba raised a hand up briefly.

“Give me a moment,” He murmured in Olivia’s direction in a way that would make shivers run down Sonny’s back if he weren’t so worried about twinging his shoulder wound. “I’ll be with you in a minute.”

And with a nod, the Lieutenant is gone. It’s just them, having an awkward, quiet stand-off in Carisi’s hospital room. Pity, because if he were in a better condition, Sonny would’ve made it a loud one.

At least the noise of him running his own mouth would take the edge of this situation, because now they’re alone, all he can hear is the thrum of blood in his ears and Sonny’s not a doctor but, y’know, he’s pretty sure that’s not a sign of his concussion. Unfortunately, things always got this way when they were in close proximity, and Carisi had been dismayed to notice it getting worse as time went on and they crossed each other's paths more frequently. What had started as an initial attraction when the A.D.A. had strolled into the precinct on his first day had developed into much more of a headache, which was even shittier when he now had an actual, splitting headache to contend with.

It was a sordid, shameful one-two punch of being both extremely attracted to someone in a physical sense and a professional sense, and for someone already feeling fairly sore, Sonny didn’t know if he could do this today.

“So I’m in trouble after all?” Sonny attempted to break the silence, a hand drifting towards his wounded shoulder. “Knew it.”

Barba ignored the deflection. “You’re really intending to sit the bar next week? In the condition you’re in?”

“Yeah? I mean, is that so hard to believe? I’m just a little roughed up is all.”

“Roughed up?” The counsellor repeated, his voice tinged with disbelief. “You were shot by an assailant. You have a head wound. And you think that putting yourself through a bar exam is the correct way to recover from that?”

With a sigh, Sonny sank back slightly into the pillows on the bed. “Look, I appreciate the concern, Counsellor, I really do. But I know you’ve worked really hard for things you’re not willing to give up on, even when the odds weren’t in your favour. Maybe it’s a dumb idea to assume I can think straight enough to pass the bar after hitting every stair on my way down, but I don’t want to… not try. I’ve put a lot into this, and I’m not givin’ up, not now. Not so close to the finish line.”

“It’s not giving up,” Barba said quietly, his gaze meeting squarely with Sonny’s in a way that makes him want to curl his toes. “It’s doing it later.”

“I’m doing it now.”

The detective’s response comes out much firmer than he’d intended - not in an aggressive way, but in a way that made Barba’s shoulders relax slightly, as if he knew the battle he was waging was a lost cause. Of course, there’s an expression the counsellor’s wearing that is absolutely inscrutable, though if Sonny had to guess, it would be that he clearly thinks he’s an idiot.

So, imagine his surprise when the corner of Rafael’s mouth quirked up into a half-smirk as he crossed his arms across his chest, a combination that made the breath catch in Sonny’s throat.

“Very well - then I suppose the least I can do is make sure you’re ready. Fordham Law needs all the help it can get.”

- and the jab at his school goes completely unnoticed as the detective all but gaped at the unsolicited offer of help from the guy he’d never ask it from, but the one he’d want it from the most.

Want, well, a lot of things from the most, but -

The door closes, signaling Barba’s departure, and Sonny simply sits there staring at it.

#barisi #rafael barba #sonny carisi #law and order svu #fanfic #svu #l&o svu

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beethebisblog · 11 months

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I have such intense feelings about relationships between characters in a show I don’t even watch anymore.

I’m talking about Olivia and Elliot & Amanda and Sonny in Law and Order SVU.

Twelve seasons ago, I could maybe root for Olivia and Elliot, if he had divorced Kathy instead of emotionally cheating every single fucking episode. There was a reason he left, and he should’ve stayed gone. He never treated women properly: he views them as things to protect and sort of extensions of himself. There is also the ABHORRENT way he treats the criminals WHO ARE STILL PEOPLE. Olivia has never been given a well done love interest because they want her & stabler to be this will they wont they disaster. Olivia deserves to be more than a man’s second choice because his wife is no longer around to stop him. I’m sorry but I just can’t stand the two of them together. They committed emotionally infidelity every single day for twelve seasons, he left her WITHOUT A WORD, and then his wife dies a decade later, and now they want us to root for them again? Fuck no.

As for Amanda and Carisi, she has never treated him well. She used him from the very beginning, has always been dismissive of his intelligence, and has generally been an awful partner to each love interest she had. She acted like she was somehow superior to him and it always came across as “you should be grateful she’s giving you the time of day” as opposed to “she opened her eyes and realized what she was looking for was right in front of her the whole time” (which is what I think they were trying to do). Carisi has always acted as her backup, the guy in the background who does all the emotional labor and gets none of the benefit. I am also a believer in Gay!Carisi, and just think he latched on to Amanda as a way to hide his sexuality because he wasn’t ready to come to terms with it. Now that I think about it, Amanda is a lesbian. This might just be comphet. It is. Thinking it out now, Rollisi only works for me if they are each other’s beards.

#law and order special victims unit #law and order organized crime #law and order svu #law and order oc #olivia benson #elliot stabler #amanda rollins #sonny carisi #comphet

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pascalispretty · 2 years

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Law and Order: SVU Masterlist

Rafael Barba x Reader x Frederick Chilton! Verse

Good Girls Go to Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows): One (ao3). Two (ao3). Epilogue (ao3).

Love in the Time of Chestbursters (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows)

See You In the Morning Time (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows). One (ao3). Two (ao3).

Like Lovers Do (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) One (ao3). Two (ao3). Three (ao3).

I and Love and You (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows)

Your Happiness or Mine (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows)

Pink Peonies and Shenanigans (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) One (ao3). Two (ao3).

Heavy in Your Arms (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows)

"Use Your Words" Prompt (ao3)

Sonny Carisi x Reader

Softly, Slowly, Sweetly (ao3)

You’re My Dream Girl (ao3)

Tell Me What You Want (ao3)

Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi

Better Late Than Never (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi (ao3)

Just A Taste (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi (ao3)

Late Night Study Session (ao3)

"You Can Do Better Than That" Prompt (ao3)

Rafael Barba x Reader

Breathe Me In (ao3)

Nick Amaro x Reader

Mutually Beneficial (masterlist here)

Mafia AU

Bruised Knuckles and Bare Thighs (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi x Reader

Good Soldiers Follow Orders (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi x Reader x Frederick Chilton

A Wonderful, Awful Idea (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi x Reader x Frederick Chilton

How the Reader Got Involved with the Boys HCs

Keeping Young Talent Coming Our Way - A Law School AU:

I Could Ruin You (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) One (ao3). Two (ao3). Epilogue (ao3). Sonny Carisi x Reader x Rafael Barba x Rita Calhoun

The Audition (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Sonny Carisi x Reader x Rafael Barba

A Dirty Trick (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Sonny Carisi x Reader

An Early Christmas Present (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Sonny Carisi x Reader x Rafael Barba x Rita Calhoun

Tempting Tan Lines (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Sonny Carisi x Reader x Rafael Barba

Misc. Law And Order: SVU Pieces

Shades of Black and Blue (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Rita Calhoun x Reader x Sonny Carisi. One (ao3). Two (ao3) Three (ao3). Four (ao3).

An Acceptable Occasion to Manspread (ao3) (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Rita Calhoun x Reader x Sonny

Seventeen Little Diamonds (written in collaboration with @lannister-slings-and-arrows) Rita Calhoun x Reader (ao3)

#law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #rafael barba #sonny carisi #frederick chilton #rita calhoun #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x sonny carisi x reader #rafael barba x sonny carisi #rafael barba x rita calhoun #rafael barba x reader x frederick chilton #frederick chilton x reader #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi x reader x rita calhoun #rita calhoun x reader #sonny carisi x rita calhoun #nick amaro x reader #nick amaro

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kjewoodburn · 21 days

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Hey everyone big Law and Order SVU fan here. Anyone know any fanfics where everyone is in awe of Olivia? Please give me recommendations.

#law and order svu #olivia benson

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thelesbianpoirot · 2 months

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I’ve been binging SVU and the original Law and Order all month because I’m home sick and for all that they would insult and borderline abuse the creeps they’d catch, they were also pretty misogynistic and terrible to victims at times. The original show more than SVU (sometimes the detectives would hit on teen victims or say straight up rapey things about women they found hot 🤢) but even SVU has its moments of victim blaming, calling girls fast, or at some extra horrible moments, have the male detectives say that the victim deserved it, especially if she had an active sex life or was a prostitute. But as hard as those episodes are to watch, seeing the realistic growth in the writing and characters over the years is interesting, like a time capsule of the real life change. The one that stands out most to be though is the framing of prostitution. Around 2015 they'd hit that sweet spot of treating prostitutes with respect while being realistic about the horrors and dangers of the jobs and now they use inclusive language and frame prostitution and other types of harmful sex acts as empowering. It's embarrassing.

I have tried watching all the Law & Orders, even Trial and Jury (my and my best friend watched 1 season of every L&O spin off), and I found all of them repulsive, nothing hits like SVU, SUV isn't perfect, and they often use the characters to say awful things so they can be corrected later as a learning moment, like the shaming/victim blaming. They don't always circle back, catholic stabler is very CATHOLIC, but Benson is much more fair minded, and they all hate pedos and rapists. And It is not perfect, and I wince a lot, but I rather than characters be imperfect representation of realistic people (real cops are MUCH worse), than what is happening now, where every detective lets men skirt accountability, used inclusive language for crimes that mainly affect women and children, and still manage to get graphic with the rape. I think women are allowed to watch a rapist get beat up my fictional cops. It's SUV and criminal minds and COLD CASE for me, I hate The ROOKIE, BLUE BLOODS and THE CHICAGO SERIES, they suck ass. OG NCIS is only good for a few season before it sucks, CIS doesn't have a good cop cast, I just like the female characters. Someone suggested 911 so I'm making my way through it, but it's very schmaltzy, not case focused. Hate cops, love powerful women, want to see woman beaters, and rapists getting their due in a fictional sense sometimes. Men watch porn, I don't got to justify loving the occasion fake cop.

#thelesbianpoirot

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faithandfairies · 2 years

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Law & Order SVU Season 23 Finale; I Hope the Barson Ship Will Finally Sail

Okay, so I just finished that Law & Order SVU season 23 finale and Oooooooh.

It pretty much covered everything I’ve been saying and thinking about this show.

Well, about Benson, I guess.

I also don’t think I’ve ever seen her this self-aware before.

But, you know, that’s necessary when you actually want to move forward.

There’s this quote that says something like “It’s fun to be cool and aloof until you realize that if you want love you’re going to have to make a fool of yourself and ask for it.”

And Lord, is that true.

Anyway,

I get why Benson is angry. I think she sees Barba going against her wishes as a boundary overstepped. And he has always been the one who she could trust not to do that. So that’s fair.

And it’s also that a friend and someone she loves defended a murderer when he didn’t have to which in itself is an act she hates.

And then on top of that the murderer almost personally hurt her by hurting Elliot through killing Kathy.

But then again, the fact that Barba did go against her wishes in this case to me only underlines how much he loves her and that she can trust him to do what’s best for her. Even if she doesn’t want other people making those decisions for her, she does deserve someone who has her best interests at heart even when she doesn’t.

The fact that she’s angry about it, very angry in fact, and not indifferent to me is another sign that she loves him.

But I think that part of the reason she might be so angry at him is because she didn’t expect what she sees as betrayal. With Elliot I would say she’s used to his nonsense and enables it. With Barba she isn’t so she holds him to a higher standard, which I think is good. Good for the both of them and will be good if they decide to pursue a romantic relationship.

But honestly, I think if you pull back all the layers, the other reason she’s so angry at him is because it’s getting harder for her to ignore his feelings for her. Because with him blatantly telling her he only defended Wheatley to protect her, it doesn’t take a genius to deduce that the reason he would do that is because he loves her. Why else? And she isn’t stupid, far from it, so you know she got the message even though she’s trying to ignore it.

I think it’s probably even more frustrating because she actually loves him. He’s the only person aside from maybe Rollins, that she’s clearly let into her life as far as she has. And she has definitely let him into her heart. She’s been deliberately vulnerable with him in ways I’ve rarely seen her be with others if at all.

And it just, it brings me back to ADA Stone because with Stone, he too was in love with her but made it easy for her to ignore it until he couldn’t anymore. The difference being that I couldn’t see her pursuing anything with Stone and Stone knew it too.

And you know, when Barba and Benson first started working together I watched those episodes and I completely missed the signs initially like I did with Stone. And then I re-watched Barba and Benson’s journey and it was just so obvious, the amount of times he asked her out for drinks before she even said yes, but he never gave up, the way he was always trying to brighten up her day and make her smile.

Even when they first met you could see her reputation preceded her and he was a bit in awe.

The fact that he mentioned her to his mother to the point his mother recognized her name when they met.

The way he looked completely hurt and at his wit’s end when he realized she got into a relationship with Tucker while he was right there. This is when I really and truly knew he was irrevocably in love with her and it actually took me by surprise because he looked like his world was ending when he found out about Tucker.

Barba kind of reminds me of Castle in the Castle TV show where he pursued Beckett, who I always felt was initially based on Benson, for years before she saw him, actually saw him and finally admitted to herself and him that she loved and wanted him.

I feel like Barba is Benson’s Castle. I never thought I’d see the day, but the man has been by her side quietly waiting for her to see him and recognize how much he loves her and actually allow him to love her properly for ages.

Through drinks and conversations and just showing up for her and being a shoulder for her to cry on when she needed one.

And now not only has he told her he was only protecting her through doing the thing that pissed her off at him,

he has legitimately now also told her that he

- misses her

- loves her unconditionally

- will wait for her until she’s ready

(x)

He has also straight up called Elliot a bully, which, the man is spitting facts but in the same breath he has also validated her feelings for Elliot. Barba’s a real one.

Barba, he’s no longer allowing Benson to ignore his feelings for her.

He’s literally telling her he loves her and is asking her to love him back when she’s ready. The man has literally bared his soul to her which in itself is incredibly hard to do but opposite someone who isn’t in a state to receive anything you have to say and might never be again, astronomically hard. But he did it anyway because she’s worth it and he’d be damned if he didn’t paint a full picture for her in what might be his last chance to do so.

Stone told her how he felt and then walked away, not asking her for anything and not waiting for any kind of response because he knew what it was going to be.

But Barba, he knows. He knows her. And so he knows. And he sees a future with her and is willing to wait for it. Wait for her. To be ready.

He’s a man who adores her and would literally do anything for her, but still manages to keep his job and integrity even so, I mean, what more could you want?

I feel like I’m rambling but I just really want this for the both of them. I want him to come back in a more consistent capacity and for them to rebuild their relationship and get together romantically.

And I don’t know that it’s necessary for her to pursue something with Elliot first.

This finale episode it felt like the battered victim was meant to parallel Benson. Where I think she said herself that that woman’s husband kept upending her life by coming back into it. Even more interesting is that this woman kept calling this man who was bad for her back into her life herself expecting him to put the pieces of it back together when he was the one who broke her in the first place.

And I think pursuing something with Elliot would do that to Benson, upend her life.

And she finally, finally has a good stable life.

I just don’t want what, 10+ years of her own hard work putting her life back together after Elliot walked out of it to go down the drain.

Barba brings her peace. Elliot brings chaos.

Look at them. These two dorks belong together and I need them to make it happen for the good of themselves and humankind.

(She said she misses him too so we’re one third of the way there.)

(x)

After thinking about it I have decided to take a step away from this show until it decides who Benson ends up with because I won’t be baited by a straight show. I just won’t do it. Life’s too short.

#law and order svu #svu #barson #benson and barba #rambly post because I have a lot of feelings and I want them to be happy because it's what they deserve #benson #barba

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