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bellatrixobsessed1 · 2 years

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Azula Week - Day 5 Neurodivergant

Summary: Azula feels like her autism causes her parents to fight and believes that Seicho will want to leave her because of it.

Pair: Azula/Seicho (The Cupholder Girl)

Azula lines her candles up; those with bright yellow wax next to those with orange and then the ones with red wax and finally the ones with that brownish-orange. This is how she likes her notebooks and her pencils as well when they aren’t all perfectly uniformed.

She has a great many deal of particulars. Things that make her happy and things that leave her feeling edgy and uneasy.

She has her fabrics and her scents.

She has her favorite foods.

Pop rocks are fun, she likes the crackle that they leave in her mouth. It reminds her of charging and dispersing lightning. It has a kick. On the other end is yogurt. The thought of it makes her stomach churn. The texture of it as it slides down her throat is thick and slimy and she feels as though she is swallowing a slug or that slime Zuko used to play with as a child.

She doesn’t like that either. The gooey texture of slimes and putties are goopy and sticky and just generally make messes that leave her skin crawling. Wool and fleece have the same effect. She enjoys silks and sateens and satins. Sometimes velvets.

And on days when things get rough, she will wrap herself in sateen blankets and stare endlessly into the shifting of a lava lamp until the stress dissipates. Some days it never seems to vacate. Sometimes the turmoil in her head is merciless and unceasing.

Sometimes she stares at the lava lamp for hours.

Sometimes the conflict comes from outside, a lot of the times it comes from within–from listening to those things she assumes that may or may not even be true. Today’s distress stems from knowing that people have grown tired of having to put up with her particulars. They have all realized that accommodating her needs is too cumbersome and that she is just going to have to deal with things; she can’t always sit on her side of the couch directly in front of the fireplace. She can’t always have her meals on the hour at her choice hours. She will have to deal with taking a shower second or even third or fourth sometimes–and by extension deal with the unpleasant, shudder-inducing sensation that the cooling pearls of water give the soles of her feet when she first steps in and the light froth of bubbles already left on the soap.

They are tired of trying to find meals that will appease both she and Zuko since they like and oppose exactly the opposite types of foods. She is going to have to deal with eating something horrid or not eating at all every now and then.

Because they are tired of her.

Exhausted of having to help her feel comfortable.

And one day Seicho will get sick of it too.

Just like father has.

Just like mother has.

It is her fault that they fight. They don’t know how to handle her. They blame each other for it; “she turned out like this because you put so much pressure on her!” “Your womb is faulty! It must be, both of them are…bizarre.”

They don’t know how to handle Zuzu either. Where she is quiet and untalkative–resentful of noise and clutter–Zuzu is very vocal. He is energetic to what they say is a fault. He doesn’t like to sit still and his hands are constantly fidgeting. It drives her up the wall in the same way that her stillness unsettles Zuzu.

Sometimes when Zuzu gets to routy, father strikes him usually against the cheek. The sound makes her grit her teeth for more reasons than one. Today is nearly one of these days. He hasn’t hit Zuzu yet but they are yelling. Zuko, as he does when stressed, is hitting things. Random objects–he doesn’t hit them hard, he doesn’t hit them with purpose either. Sometimes she thinks that he doesn’t realize that he is doing it.

Between the shouts and the random bangs of pans, Azula is left to huddle in the corner, covering her ears. This time mother isn’t here to intervene and add her own noise.

This time gazing into the lava lamps or following the dance of the candle flames isn’t working. And their fuss is too loud for her music–usually lo-fi beats, whitenoise, or instrumental versions of rock and metal ballads.

She wonders if she can climb out the window and get some fresh air.

.oOo.

Things are different when Ursa comes home that night.

She can tell.

Sometimes she doesn’t understand facial expressions the way that others might; and Zuko sometimes doesn’t pick up on social cues at all.

But tonight both of them perceive the tension. Tonight, silently, they stand closer as mother and father argue.

Tonight, Ursa takes their hands–she hasn’t done this since they were children–and leads them to the car.

Father is gone when they get back and Azula gets a distinct feeling that she won’t be seeing him again.

She cries that night; he never bothered her. He never hurt her. Sometimes he pressures her but he does it because he cares, because he knows that she can amount to more than what she is. Although she isn’t sure what more expects than straight A’s and a rather solid debate team career.

Deep down she knows that he expects her to stop having her little quirks. To put aside her particulars and be a normal teenager like Mai and TyLee. One that won’t embarrass him by over explaining or over enthusiastically rambling about whatever thing her mind is stuck on this time. By talking too loudly or at the wrong times like Zuzu. By oversharing as the both of them tend to do–one of the few common traits that they share.

Deep down she knows that, if this is what he expects, then she will inevitably disappoint him.

She can’t disappoint him if she never sees him again.

.oOo.

Mother is nicer to her now. She doesn’t snap as much. She even lets her spend the night at Seicho’s on a school night. “I think that it’ll be good for you to spend some time with Seicho, it will…mix things up a bit.”

But things are already mixed up.

They have already changed too much and she doesn’t want to deal with more change.

But she does need to talk to Seicho. She does need some answers. Even if the answers might not be the ones that she wants to hear.

“I didn’t have time to air out my room today, we can sleep downstairs if you want.” Seicho offers. Azula can already smell a tang of citrus perfume from clear down the hall. “To be honest, I think that I sprayed way too much, even my eyes are watering.”

“I’m fine with citrus. In reasonable amounts…”

“Yeah, I’m gonna say that this is a pretty unreasonable amount. My mom is going to kill me.”

Azula nods. “The whole house smells like a smoothie bar or something.”

“Want something to eat? I had my dad go out and buy some Azula safe snacks.”

This is one of the things that they need to talk about. One of those little things that Seicho doesn’t realize bothers her. One of those comments that makes her feel like a child–as though Seicho is baby-proofing the house before she gets there.

“I can take care of myself.” Azula mumbles. She always brings her own bag of snacks just in case she finds herself somewhere where they only serve foods that she doesn’t like. “I brought my own comb and pillows and blankets too.” So she won’t have another distressing moment like the one she had when they’d first tried for a sleepover.

She is certain that, that is one of the moments that has shifted Seicho’s view. The one that had changed her perception from, ‘Azula is a mature and intelligent peer’ to ‘Azula is an emotionally stunted child who needs to be taken care of.’

“You’re quieter than usual today.” Seicho observes.

Azula stares down at her hands. “I can take care of myself.” She repeats.

“You said that.” Seicho quirks a brow.

“But you aren’t getting it.” She mutters. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

And those brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to ‘Azula safe’ anything. I can take care of myself.” She can’t let herself become an inconvenience or she will lose her girlfriend like she lost her father.

“I never said that you couldn’t.”

“Yes you have.” Why can’t she see it, why doesn’t she understand that she has? Without saying it, she has!

“I just meant that my dad and I are trying to make sure that you’re comfortable here.”

“Because you don’t want to listen to me complain?”

“Because we don’t want to be rude.” Seicho frowns. “You’re a guest in our house…you’re my girlfriend. We want to make sure you feel welcomed here. Especially with…”

“With?”

“With what happened with your father.” Quickly she adds. “It was really difficult when my mom walked out and your mom always felt kind of like my mom so we want to make sure that you feel you still have a dad…even if he isn’t yours.”

Azula swallows. Sometimes she thinks that Seicho’s father treats her more like a daughter than her own father had. He is an encouraging man and he didn’t seem to mind listening to her prattle on about the efficacy of solar panels for hours. He hadn’t even asked her why she had been so suddenly interested in them.

She wouldn’t have been able to answer him anyhow.

Not in that moment–now she has come to realize that she simply has an interest in innovations–usually whatever the newest one is.

“But you don’t get sick of it?”

“Sick of what?”

Azula shrugs, “having to air out your room before I stop by.” She taps her fingers on the tabletop. “Having to brush your teeth before you kiss me and having to change your sweater before hugging me sometimes…”

“It’s a little bit annoying sometimes.” She confesses. “And I think that it would be good for you to try to get out of your comfort zone sometimes–you’re really stubborn…”

Azula’s stomach sinks. “Don’t be annoyed with me.” What a dreadful thing to say. It makes her wonder how she was able to make it to the upcoming debate championships. If she can’t even persuade Seicho to see things her way, how can she debate a topic she is less passionate about. “Father already left because he got tired of dealing with me.” Of course it had been a team effort between she and Zuko.

“I’m not going to leave you.” Seicho holds her hand out and reluctantly Azula takes it. “I’m going to help make things easier for you, my dad and I both.” She paues. “I don’t exactly know what that means, but that’s what we’re going to do.”

“You’re a patient person.” Azula replies. She needs a patient person. Someone who won’t grow to hate her in due time.

“I try to be.” Seicho replies. “Can we try something new?”

“Something new?”

“Can I kiss you? Right now. No teeth brushing first.”

“Did you brush them this morning?”

“Of course!”

“Did you just eat?”

“I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

Azula considers. “I guess.” She replies uncertainty. “But not on the lips.”

“Fair enough.” Seicho laughs. She leans in and presses a kiss to her forehead. “Was that terrible?”

“I guess not.” Azula replies. “Mother is taking Zuzu and I to therapy tomorrow. She said that she and father should have done that years ago. Will you come with me?”

Seicho nods. “I said that my dad and I would stick with you.”

Unlike her father. “Thank you.”

Seicho squeezes her hand.Things aren’t exactly going well but she supposes that they could be worse. Her world is crumbling steadily, it has been for a long time now. Each time mother and father fought the cracks grew. And then father had walked away and shattered it completely.

Although shatter might not be the best way to describe what happened, it was more like an explosion–a brilliant supernova burst.

And for the first time in weeks, the brightness has dimmed some and now she can see the silhouette of a new world. She can’t make out what it looks like and she is anxious to chart it out. But at least she won’t have to make this journey alone.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Azulaweek2022 #Fanfiction #Azula/Seicho #Azula/Cupholder Girl #Rare Pair #Autistic Azula

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the-genius-az · 18 days

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Thoughts on Azula just dating everyone (woman) in the show? Yue, Katara, Mai, Ty Lee, etc?

Thanks for the question, Amor!

With Mai.

Azula and Mai love each other intensely, and are both somewhat dependent.

Azula doesn't want Mai to EVER abandon her again, while Mai just wants Azula to never change, she doesn't like change, and all she wants is for Azula to be the euphoria and chaos she has in her life.

But let's think about the fact that they are both in therapy, they are healthy, and they can both live completely independently, but they still need each other, as a calmer and another to have a euphoria.

With Ty Lee.

They are both very devoted to each other, but they are toxic. Azula has a lot of insecurities, and being with Ty Lee makes it worse, because Ty Lee is a flirtatious girl and she is a free soul, always running away and never being in the same place, that drives Azula crazy.

While Ty Lee hates that Azula has so many insecurities, and that she is always being so controlling. But if they go to therapy, maybe both of them can finally be healthy, but they will still have some problems.

With Katara.

Both are a complement, is one missing something? Then the other one has it, they are a balance. But they both have the same problems, although it is Katara who always solves it, only if it is a minor problem, because then someone else has to intervene.

But if you go to therapy, you both will have a completely healthy relationship.

With Yue.

They are both like the sun and the moon, and you know, the moon always chases the sun. They are like this, Azula does not want to accept her sexuality, while Yue accepted it because she had never felt that strong feeling, not even for Sokka, and she will fight for that love.

But then Azula will accept it and believe me, they are so adorable together and so healthy that everyone envies it.

With Suki.

They are enemies to companions to lovers to girlfriends. They have almost no problems, Suki is mature enough to understand why Azula behaves like this, and Azula is intelligent and understanding who understands why Suki has to leave instead of when to go on her missions. Everything is fixed when Azula starts living on Kyoshi Island, and goes on missions with her girlfriend.

With Toph.

I personally don't like it very much, but there are some fanfics that captivate me.

I think it all started because of the sexual tension they had, and sometimes they have problems, because of their strong personalities, but they always work it out.

If they have a little therapy they would both be completely healthy, they just need to communicate and support each other.

I'm not going to include June because she's older than Azula, and I'd rather see them both with June as her uncle Iroh.

And I didn't put Zirin in either because I haven't seen the comics where Azula is.

By the way, I don't like jinko, but I prefer to watch them so that Mai can be with her friends, that's why I didn't wear it.

and I don't understand Song very well, I'm indifferent to her, but I know that they ship her with Azula, but I don't have a real opinion or how to explain their relationship.

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