#at the very least I can work during december either way and if I end up finding something else maybe I can work weekends during the booksal | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

automaticllamacycle · 11 months

Text

I’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands)

Summary: You don't have much experience. Matty, however, does. A coffee shop AU.

Part one of two

Content: 18+, fingering, praise kink, hand jobs, first time, smut with plot

Word count: 11,059

It's not like you wanted to be a virgin in your mid-twenties. That was definitely not the goal. However, years went by, and no boyfriend was in sight. That is, until Matty entered the picture.

You met him at a coffee shop, the one you worked at. He caught your eye the moment he walked in during one of your shifts. It was cold and dreary, a typical December day in London, but you could still spot chocolate curls sticking out of a worn beanie. Wrapped in a thick knit sweater layered under a jacket, he placed his order.

"Hello, can I get a medium dark roast with a splash of soy milk?"

His thick Manchester accent piqued your curiosity, and so did his warm brown eyes. You tried not to stumble over your next words, sticking to your usual script.

"You got it. Can I get a name for the order?"

"Matty." He responded.

From then on, you saw him often. There wasn't a week that went by that you didn't see Matty at least once. Every time was the same. He would walk in with his gorgeous curls and pretty face and order the exact same thing, a medium dark roast with a splash of soy milk. His order became like second nature to you. When he walked in, almost a month after the first encounter, you were quick to speak.

"Still a medium dark roast with a splash of soy milk?" you asked, probably a little more nervous than you should have been. He had that effect on you every time he stepped through the doors. One glance with those brown eyes was all it took to make you shy.

"Oh, yeah that's it, thank you," he responded, with a quick smile. A smile you hadn't seen yet. A very cute smile.

Once you finished making the coffee, you called out the order, and he walked to the counter.

"Here's that coffee for you, Matty."

You'd thought that would be the end of the conversation, and he would walk right back out with a "thanks" like he always did. However, this time, he had something else to say.

"Thanks. You know, you already know my name, but I still don't know yours. That's bad manners on my part," he added with a chuckle.

A little caught off guard, you breathed out your name, sounding less than confident. It had been so long since someone took away your breath like that, and he seemed to be doing it every time he spoke.

"That's a lovely name. I'll see you around." he said with that same grin, and then strolled off with his coffee before you had the chance to say anything else.

—

It's fair enough to say after the most recent exchange, he took up way too many of your thoughts. You tried to convince yourself it was just a work crush, a normal work crush. He was a super cute so that's only a normal response, right? It's not like you would try to get anywhere else with him, anyway. Probably wouldn't work out even if you did try.

Well, the crush became ten times worse on open mic night at the coffee shop. Your coworker, Penny, begged you to switch shifts with her, some kind of emergency, so there you were. Typically, open mic nights were filled with out of tune guitars, pitchy voices, and slam poetry. Everyone at the shop avoided working on open mic nights.

Now, what you didn't expect was for Matty to walk in the doors with a guitar case in hand. His hair was more styled than usual. His normal curls were a bit frizzy and all over the place, but tonight his curls were well defined. He had on a knit patterned sweater, which was typical for him, and a black pair of trousers accompanied by black combat boots.

Oh God, this is about to be either really good or really bad for the state of my crush on this man, you thought to yourself. Nothing better than a man with curly brown hair that could sing and play the guitar.

He didn't approach the counter this time. Instead, deciding to sit at one of the tables and listen to the other acts. You watched him for a moment, but then went back to work. Before you could hear what Matty prepared for open mic night, you had to endure the other performers.

You weren't one to judge others for their creative expression, but they were so horrid. There were some decent ones in the bunch, thankfully. One guy played a cover song on piano, and it wasn't half bad. Most of the night was filled with a cappella covers and shallow slam poetry, though.

The moment you were eagerly waiting for finally arrived, and Matty grabbed his guitar case and took the stage. Waiting for it to be his turn was the longest hour of your life. He sat the case down on the small stage set up and opened it up. He fumbled with the guitar a bit while he sat down on the stool in front of the microphone. Nerves flashed through his eyes. They were evident by his hands slightly shaking as he adjusted the microphone closer to his lips. You were the only one watching his hands close enough to notice, anyway.

"Hello, I'm Matty," he spoke into the microphone, voice confident and smooth despite the nerves. "I'm a part of a band called The 1975, and I will be singing one of our songs called ‘Chocolate’.”

When he started to sing, what struck you first was the heaviness of his accent on the words he spoke. Even for a Manchester accent, it was thick on every syllable he sang, close to unintelligible at times. What struck you next was the fact that he was genuinely a great singer. His vocals and guitar skills were far too good for him to be playing in a random coffee shop among the mediocre slam poets and cover artists. Yep, this was only going to make your work crush worse.

Your eyes locked with his brown ones multiple times while he sang. With his eyes shining in the lights, a smile stretched across his face, and you returned it. He completely captured your attention for the entire duration of the song without trying. It was like you couldn't look away, even if you wanted to. When he finished singing, his performance elicited far more applause than open mic acts usually do. It wasn't typical for someone with serious talent to play at open mic, and the coffee shop patrons could spot the talent, too. Tearing your eyes from him, you went back to work. You didn't expect him to approach you at the counter after putting his guitar back into its case and leaving the stage, but Matty seemed to be surprising you a lot these days.

"Hey there," you said, beating him to the conversation, just as he reached the counter. "Your song was great. It's not every day that someone actually good plays here. I had no idea you were in a band."

"You can say it was shit, I won't be offended. I'm terrible at guitar," he states, rather bluntly. "But yeah, I've been in a band with a few of my mates for quite a few years now."

"Oh, if it was shit I would be sure to let you know," you added with a laugh. "Seriously, it was good. Now, can I get your usual started for you?"

"Actually no, not this time. I think it's a bit too late for me to be drinking coffee or I'll be too wired to sleep."

He had a point; it was around nine at this point. The shop would be closing within the hour. You continued, even though talking is not a strong suit of yours.

"So then, what can I do for you, Matty?"

"Since you asked, I do have a question for you," he responded promptly like he had been waiting for the moment to ask.

You quipped back, "And what might that be?" He seemed jittery, almost like how he was on the stage.

"I was wondering if I could get your number and take you out sometime. Maybe meet for coffee right here if you'd like?" His hands fidgeted on the counter as he asked.

Oh, he's asking you out, act natural, you thought to yourself. While it was common for customers to try and get your number, the interest was never reciprocated on your end. This time, the interest was definitely mutual.

"Yeah sure, that sounds like a lovely idea," you responded with a grin, reading off your number to him while he put it in his phone.

"I'll be texting you," he says while putting his phone back into the pocket of his pants. "See you soon."

Once again, he walked away, guitar case in hand. However, this time, the smile on his face was a little bigger than before, and so was the smile on yours.

—

After cleaning all the equipment and making sure everything was in order for the morning shift, you closed up the shop for the night. You resisted the urge to check your phone every single moment on the walk back to your apartment. The walk was already a short one, but the pep in your step made it even faster. When you walked through the door of your apartment, your dog Socks ran up to greet you. After you got her food bowl and fed her, it wasn't long before a text from an unmarked number buzzed on your phone.

Hey, it's Matty. You free anytime this week to meet for coffee?

You weighed the options of waiting a few minutes to not seem too eager or responding immediately, and the latter option won by a long shot.

Yeah I'm free Wednesday around 11:00 if that works for you?

He responded pretty quickly, too. Good to know it wasn't just you being eager.

That works well for me! I'll see you then :)

You responded once more.

See you then :))

You put down your phone on the coffee table with a huge grin across your face. You went ahead and finished your nighttime routine, washing your face and brushing your teeth. When you laid your head down on the pillow you couldn't get your mind off of Matty. The thought of his voice, his face, his mouth, and his hands slowly drifted you off to sleep.

—

The days went by entirely too fast and entirely too slow all at the same time. Before you knew it, it was Tuesday night. By 10:00pm, you had already ransacked your closet for something to wear, pulling out every article of clothing you owned. The pre-date anxiety wasn't helping you make up your mind. When 1:00am rolled around, you finally settled on an outfit, your favorite pair of jeans and a turtleneck sweater. Way too simple of an outfit for how long it took to pick out, but oh well. Finally, you crawled into bed, glaring at the clock on your nightstand. The numbers mocked your decision of staying up so late. You had an early shift tomorrow that would end a few minutes before the time you were meeting Matty. You had rationalized this choice in the moment before texting him. It would be better for you to already be there, and would probably lessen your anxiety, if only a little bit.

The alarm clock rang, and you hated everything. Still, you got up, put on your outfit, and finished getting ready. You kept the makeup light and styled your hair to the best of your ability. There was only so much that could be done at five in the morning. You fed Socks and gave her a pet before heading out. Once you walked out the door, the nerves weighed heavy on your chest, but you couldn't back out now.

Reaching the coffee shop, you put on a sarcastic cheery voice and greeted your two coworkers, Penny and Grady.

"Good morning, guys! Isn't it just beautiful to be up before the sun?" They groaned in unison. Tough crowd. "Well, I have something very important to tell you two. I have a date today."

"Oh my God, I never thought this day would come," Penny gasped, only half joking.

"Hey! Don't be rude! It's not like you've had much luck in the boy department either."

"Okay, stop bickering. Now, who's the man in question?" asked Grady.

"So, you know that guy with the curly hair that comes in at least twice a week?"

"Yes, we know, it's not like you've gawked at him for the past two months or anything," said Penny.

"He asked for my number at open mic night. Thanks for asking to switch shifts with me by the way, Penny. Can't thank you enough," you teased.

"Glad my car wreck could be of some assistance?"

You went through the motions of opening up the shop with Penny and Grady, and the place filled with customers all too soon. The hour was ticking closer and closer to when Matty would walk through the doors. You tried to calm your nerves, but the attempts were no good. When the clock read 10:50, you decided to go ahead and start his usual, ringing it up under your discount. You started on your coffee as well. Caffeine was a necessity.

The door to the shop opened, just a minute before 11:00, and you looked up to meet Matty's eyes. It had been two months since you first saw him, but his gorgeous eyes still left you dazed. Putting on a brave face, you decided to speak first.

"Hey," you began with smile on your face. "I went ahead and made your coffee," you said while handing him the cup.

"Don't I need to pay for this?" A confused look marked his face.

"Nah, I went ahead and put my discount on it." You walked out from behind the counter with your own coffee in hand towards him.

"Well, there goes my plan to pay for your coffee like a true gentleman." He said, heading towards an open table. He chose a booth beside the shop window. You sat opposite from him.

"I couldn't possibly let my discount go to waste," you insisted. "I get one coffee free per shift and everything else has a big discount. Truly, it's no trouble."

You looked at him while waiting for whatever he had to say next. He looked good, smelled good too. Has he always smelled this good? Since you were always separated by a counter from him, you hadn't been properly close enough to tell until just now. You quickly told your brain to shut up before you say something stupid. He spoke first.

"Okay, I'm going to start this off with my favorite ice breaker question. What's your favorite song?"

"That is a horrible ice breaker question. You couldn't come up with anything better? Something deeper, perhaps?"

"I'm a musician, of course I would ask a question like that. I think a person's favorite song can reveal a lot about oneself."

"I don't think I can choose just one," you continued by listing a few of your favorites. Definitely not a solid list. "So, what's yours, then?"

"Probably one I've written," he replies with a smirk.

"I feel like that's cheating, but I'll allow it. How did you get into music anyway? From what I heard before at the open mic, you're pretty good."

"My band mates are really good, I'm just average. Trust me, when I play with them it's obvious how shitty I am, especially next to my mate, Adam. He's legendary at guitar. To answer your question though, when I was younger, I always wanted to be a pop star. I was a huge fan of Michael Jackson. I started to learn a few instruments and then by the time I was in secondary school, my friends and I decided to form a band. I ended up as the singer somehow along the way."

"I should go see a gig soon, got any coming up?"

"Yeah, I think that could be arranged."

The small talk between you two continued and wasn’t painful like most small talk. You found yourself more enchanted by Matty the more he spoke. Everything he said, while usually laced with humor, was well thought out. It was clear he was a deep thinker, but any songwriter typically has to be one. You've realized in the time sitting across from him in the booth that you could sit and listen to him talk all day long. When you got around to looking at the watch on your wrist, you realized it had been over an hour and half since you two had sat down in the booth. As much as you hate it, you really need to get home and be productive with your day.

"I've had a great time talking with you Matty, but I think it's time for me to head out. I have a huge pile of laundry and a chore list that unfortunately will not do itself."

"Can I walk you home?"

"Isn't that a line you're supposed to pull out when it's dark to make sure I get home safe or something like that?"

"Oh, come on, you already bought my coffee. Let me be a gentleman for just a moment here."

"Okay fine, if you insist." The both of you stood up from the booth and he held the door for you on the way out of the shop. Penny threw you a wink while Grady gave a not-so-subtle thumbs up. You hoped he somehow didn't see them, but there was no way he couldn't have.

Matty kept you entertained on the short walk back to your apartment, telling you a funny story about his friend George. You found yourself laughing right along with him while he retold the story. You were thankful he did the heavy lifting during the conversation. It made it much easier on your part.

"Alright, this one's mine," you said, pointing to your building. "I do appreciate you walking me back, by the way, jokes aside."

"I was enjoying your company and wanted to make it last longer, what can I say?"

"It was very kind, thank you."

He kept looking at you, like he was deep in thought again. His gaze made you feel exposed. Originally, his eyes peered directly into yours, but they slowly shifted down to your mouth. As he stepped towards you, the air instantly grew thick. The tension could have been cut with a knife.

"You're not one of those girls that gets offended by getting kissed on the first date, right?" he spoke, almost in a whisper. Eyes still locked in on your lips, not looking up from them for one second. His face got closer and closer to yours.

"No, I'm not." His lips nearly brushed against your lips. The gravity becoming too much. Your eyes flickered between his eyes and his mouth.

"Good."

With that his lips met yours. Soft. Gentle. One of his hands carefully pressed into your lower back, bringing you deeper into the kiss. The other hand rested on the side of your face. Not knowing what to do with your hands, you placed them at his shoulders. He pulled away for a brief second, before leaning down once more to leave another quick kiss.

When he finally pulled away, for good this time, he had one last thing to say.

"I'll be seeing you," he said, giving you a wave and that same smile you had grown to adore before walking away.

You sat on the steps outside of your apartment for at least five minutes after the kiss. When you found it in you, you finally walked in the door and ran up the stairs to your apartment.

It's safe to say this was more than a work crush.

—

You walked in to work the next day with a beaming look on your face. Penny noticed immediately.

"Okay tell me everything from start to finish. Don't you dare leave anything out."

She didn't have to force it out of you. You were dying to tell anyone about your date at this point, so you went through every detail, including the kiss.

"Girl, he is so into you," Penny replied.

"Well, I would hope a kiss would mean he's into me. I personally don't kiss people I hate."

Work was slow that day. Not too many customers. Matty didn't walk in that day, which was probably a good thing for your sanity. He did however make his appearance once again, two days later. He walked through the doors in his usual attire, a sweater and a pair of jeans. His eyes lit up, just a little bit, when he saw you.

"Your usual, I assume?"

"Yeah, of course." A soft smile lighting up his face.

Instead of walking away from the counter like he usually did, this time he stayed right by it as you started making his coffee.

"Do you have any plans tomorrow night?"

"I think my schedule is open. You have a suggestion for me to fill it?" you said, a smirk on your face.

"My band has a gig tomorrow night; thought you'd might like to come and see it."

"Oh yeah absolutely! Give me the time and place and I'll be there." He pulled out his phone and texted you the details. It was at a small venue in downtown London.

"I won't be able to see you before the show starts but go up to security after it's over and tell them your name. They'll let you backstage."

You finished up his drink just as he finished his sentence. "Here's your coffee, Matty." You handed him the coffee. His hand brushed with yours, lingering longer than normal. Definitely on purpose. He was looking at your lips again. "I'm looking forward to seeing the show."

"And I'm looking forward to seeing you after the show." He winked and walked out the doors.

As soon as he was out of sight, Penny appeared right behind your shoulder.

"You have got to look hot for that tomorrow. I'm coming over after work to help you with your outfit."

"Where did you spawn from?"

"Oh, I was just in the back listening like any good friend would, of course!"

"I don't know if you listening is a comforting thought or a concerning one." A laugh making its way through your voice.

"Well, be thankful, because I am going to ensure you look hot."

Penny stuck to her word and walked home with you once both of your shifts ended. Right when she walked through the door of your apartment she went to the closet, completely ignoring Socks’ cries for attention.

"I think we have some things to work with here." Her hands full of clothes. She had you try on her first idea, a mini skirt with a button up blouse. Her reaction was immediate. "I mean you always look hot, but this outfit just isn't doing it for me." This went on for quite a bit.

"Penny, can you make up your damn mind before I lose my own?"

"Okay, okay, last thing. Try on this." She hands you a dress that had been laying in the back of your closet for who knows how long. It was black and had a collar alongside a V-neckline. The skirt of the dress landed at mid-thigh. Once you stepped out to show her, she nearly yelled. "Yes! That's perfect! Now time to put the other pieces together." From the large selection of shoes in your arsenal, she landed on a black pair of chunky Mary Jane style shoes.

"Is it to your liking now?" you asked.

"How about you wear these?" She held out a pair of fishnet tights.

"Penny. Absolutely not!"

"You'll look so good though, but fine, I'll accept defeat," she frowned. "Wear these instead." She handed you a pair of sheer black tights. Those you could manage with. She finished the look by gathering a few accessories. Picking out a couple of necklaces and rings. "The look is complete," she said, giving a quick bow.

"I actually really like it. You have good taste." You gave her a hug and thanked her. The two of you walked towards the door. She began to walk out before she stopped to say something.

"By the way, wear some cute underwear underneath that dress, you never know what could happen."

"PENNY! Go. Out the door, now. Bye!" You refused to let your mind go there, yet.

—

You woke up the next morning already antsy about the show that night. You tried to not think about it, but you couldn't get your mind off of it. When it was acceptable to start getting ready, you began with your makeup. Normally you went light with it, but today you decided to focus on your eyes. With a light hand you went in with a dark purple eye shadow, and then blended it out with medium tones. Next came the eyeliner, the scariest part. Keeping your hand steady as possible you drew a small wing onto both eyes. After more attempts than you care to admit, they were even. You finished the rest of the make up and went to put on the outfit.

You walked out the door and headed to the nearest train station. The venue wasn't too far, but it was far enough that you did not want to walk it, especially not in those shoes. When you made it to the venue, there was decent line to get into the place. You wouldn't have guessed the band was this popular from the way Matty talked about it. It seemed like it was nearly going to be a full house. Since Matty put your name on the guest list, you didn't have to have a ticket, very convenient.

After you were in the building, it wasn't very long before the show started. However, there was enough time for you to make it to the bar and get a drink. You'd hoped the liquid courage would come in handy later. The place was indeed packed. Since it was standing room only, you decided to stand more towards the back.

The set was fantastic. You could tell Matty was much more comfortable preforming with the band than he was by himself. Totally different stage presence compared to when he sang at the coffee shop, particularly when they played the same song "Chocolate". If there were nerves in Matty this time around, you couldn't tell. The bottle of wine in his hand while he sang likely played a role in that, though.

Once the show was over, people slowly filed out of the room, and you waited until you could make your way up to the security guard at the front. The security guard walked you backstage when you told him your name. Matty was right there when you made it backstage, engulfing you in a hug. He was sweaty and shirtless at this point, but you didn't mind. Not one bit. This was the first time you were able to see all his tattoos. He didn't seem like the type of guy to have a chest piece, but you stood corrected.

"I didn't see you out there, thought you bailed on me for a second." He joked, breaking the hug. "I'm so glad you were able to make it."

"I would have at least texted you if I wasn't able to make it. I was just in the back because I didn't feel like fighting the crowd to get closer. Speaking of which, when were you going to tell me your band was so popular?"

"I don’t think we’re that popular. People just show up when we have a gig. I don't get recognized in public that often."

"I think that's called being popular, Matty. Next time, I'll show up earlier so I can get a closer view. The set was great by the way. I'm going to have to look up the band when I get home."

"Want to meet my band mates?"

"Yeah, of course!"

His hand met your lower back as he walked you to the green room. He introduced you to his friends, Ross, George, and Adam. They teased Matty just a bit for bringing a girl to a concert. You felt your cheeks flush, and not from the alcohol from earlier. You didn't stay and talk for a long time since it was getting so late, so you said bye before following Matty out of the green room. He decided to put on a shirt by now, much to your disappointment. Once you exited the venue, Matty spoke.

"Think I could walk you home again?"

"Well, I took the train this time, I don't want you to have to go in an opposite direction just to walk me home. I'll be fine."

"I don't live too far from you, actually. About a ten-minute walk. We would probably end up taking the same train anyway."

"I'm not going to be able to talk you out of this, am I?"

"Sorry darling, but no."

"Let's start walking then."

The walk to the train station and the train ride to your apartment was filled with laughter. You were both slightly tipsy. You from the drinks at the bar, and him from the bottle of wine he kept on stage.

"So, now that you've seen the amazing Adam Hann at guitar, I think it's safe to say I am shit at guitar." Matty said, stepping off the train. You both made your way up the stairs of the station and walked towards your apartment.

"I mean he's better than you, yeah, but that doesn't mean you're shit at it. You should see me try to play sometime. It's fucking hilarious."

"I could teach you some chords. How to play ‘Wonderwall’ or something like that."

"Oh God, not ‘Wonderwall’. Anything other than that, please." He lets out a strong laugh at your comment, but you weren't wrong. ‘Wonderwall’ was so overdone.

"Alright, I'll teach you something else then. Anything you want."

You two approached the steps of your apartment, but you didn't want the night to end just yet. So, you had to think fast. "Want to come inside and meet my dog?"

"You have a dog? I love dogs. You should have told me sooner." He followed you through the doorway of the complex and up the stairs to your apartment. As soon as you opened the door, Socks ran to see you. When she saw Matty though, she was a bit confused.

"Her name is Socks by the way," you told him.

"Oh my God, what a cute name." Matty got down on his knees, held his hand out to the dog, and soon enough she warmed right up to him. You left the pair where they were and walked past them, going for Socks’ food bowl.

"Sorry to interrupt, Matty, but I have to feed her. It was too early for her to eat when I left for the concert."

"That's alright," he said, making his way over to sit on the couch. You were thankful you cleaned the place up before you left. You wanted to join him on the couch, but you had to change clothes first. Your feet were killing you and you hated the tights.

"Here's the remote for the television. Put it on whatever you want. I desperately need to change clothes. I'll be right back."

You went into your bedroom and shut the door, not noticing his eyes following you the entire way there. You changed fast, not wanting to be rude. From your dresser, you grabbed a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants. Next you stepped into the bathroom adjoined to your room and washed off your makeup. When you walked back in the living room, you saw that Matty put New Girl on the television. Good choice. You took the seat next to him, leaving a bit of room in between.

You sat there and he sat there. Both absorbed by the awkward silence while the TV show played. Socks ate her food in the corner, the only sound other than the show. Matty quietly cleared his throat. Seemed like you were going to have to do the heavy lifting here.

"So..." You began, breaking the silence. "What kind of ideas do you have planned for our next date? Unless you want me to come up with something." His eyes left the television and turned to you. God, you wished his eyes didn't have such an effect on you, and the alcohol from earlier wasn't helping.

"I have plenty of ideas, just going to depend on if you want to do them," he said, a questionable look on his face. It was obvious he still had some alcohol in his system, too.

"Oh? Like what? That sounds a bit mysterious by itself."

"Well, I thought I could invite you over to my place next Saturday and cook something for you. Be all romantic and shit." The look on his face was kind and sincere. Either the alcohol made him have his guard down, or he was just comfortable with you. You couldn't tell which one for sure.

"That sounds like a good idea. I will judge your cooking skills harshly, though."

"I would have expected no less from you," he said with a small laugh. His cheeks were turning pink.

You felt the conversation begin to lull again, so you spoke. A cheeky idea in mind. "Any other plans besides cooking for me?"

"To be honest, I did not think that far ahead."

"I have an idea," you said without hesitation.

"What might that be?" His eyebrows raised and his body turned to you, awaiting your answer.

"Maybe we could do something like we're doing now?"

"Sitting on the couch while watching New Girl, struggling to make conversation?"

"No, I was thinking more along the lines of this." By the end of your sentence, you leaned in and connected your lips to his. Matty was caught off guard. You hadn't been so forward with him yet, but he was quick to kiss back. You broke away first. The both of you breathing heavy. "Sorry, probably should have asked you before I did that."

"No need to say sorry. I don't give a fuck," he replied, placing his hand on the back of your neck to pull you back in. The kiss was heated this time. His hand that was at the back of your neck went up into your hair. His other hand made its way to cup the side of your face, bringing you in closer. Both of your hands threaded through his hair. You've wanted to run your fingers through his curls since the moment you saw him.

His lips were warm and soft as they moved against yours. In an instant, his tongue brushed against your bottom lip, and you opened your mouth in response. His movements were slow as his tongue explored your mouth. As smooth as you tried to be, you trembled with nerves. You felt like you were going to explode. Matty broke away for a moment. His eyes bore into yours. Pupils wide and dilated.

"Are you alright, love? You're shaking like a leaf," he breathed. His thumb rubbing gently on your cheek.

You looked into his eyes for a moment before the eye contact became too much to bear, eyes shifting back to his wet lips. "Yeah, I'm fine." The warble in your voice didn't agree with the words you said, but you pulled him right back into the kiss. Without missing a beat, Matty continued to kiss you, becoming more eager. He moved his hands from your hair and face and relocated them to your waist. In one swift movement, he dragged you from the place next to him until you were sitting on his lap. Your knees were on either side of his hips. His hands, still on your waist, pulled you flush to his body. You tried to keep up with the movements of his lips and tongue, but your inexperience was showing. The movements of his mouth were skillful against yours. It was like he already knew all the places that would make you melt.

You were falling for him. Fast. His hands slipped under your shirt, grasping onto the skin of your hips and waist. He began to push your hips down into his, ever so slightly. You reciprocated the movement on your own, grinding your hips into his. He let out a small groan into your lips at the feeling of your movements. Part of you wanted to hear that sound again, but part of you knew this was about to go too far really quick without telling him what you knew you needed to. Somehow, the voice of reason in your head won, and you pressed lightly on his chest to break the kiss. His eyes stared into yours again, pupils wider than before. His lips red and swollen from the pressure of the kisses, chest rising underneath your hands like he couldn't catch his breath. Beneath the look of arousal on his face, he seemed worried.

"Did I do something wrong?" he breathed out, shifting his hips slightly. You could feel him under you. You were out of breath too. You really had no idea how to put it lightly, so you just said it.

"I'm a virgin." You didn't know how he was going to take that message. Men typically either didn't react well, or they thought you were something to corrupt.

"Oh." There wasn't any judgement in his voice, just a hint of surprise. "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, that wasn't my intention." He gently went to move you off him, back to where you were sitting at first. He tried to subtly adjust his pants, but it wasn't all that subtle.

"No, no, you didn't make me uncomfortable at all. I promise," you assured him, hands cupping his cheeks. The worry on his face eased a bit. "I just thought I should tell you before anything went further."

"Thank you for telling me." The smile on his face returned. Thank God you, thought to yourself.

"We can keep going, if you want to?" The anxiety was right back in your voice, your moment of confidence gone.

"As much as I truly would like to..." His eyes lingered on your lips before looking you up and down. "I can't keep going knowing that you’re even a little bit tipsy. I want to make the moment special for you, really." You were more relieved than disappointed. You didn't put on cute underwear out of spite to Penny's comment yesterday, and that decision came back to bite you in the ass.

Socks had perfect timing, saving you from another moment of awkwardness by jumping onto the couch. You and Matty finished that episode of New Girl while Socks sat between you, enjoying the pets from Matty. When the episode ended, Matty had to go. It was one in the morning at this point. You got up and walked him to the door. Before he left, he grabbed your waist gently, and pulled you in for a soft goodbye kiss.

"Next Saturday at 6:00pm we are having that date at my place. I'll text you the address." With one last kiss and a smile, he walked out the door.

—

"YOU WHAT?"

"Penny, oh my God, shut up. We are at work."

"How did you expect me to react to you coming in here and telling me you and Matty dry humped on your couch last night?"

"PENNY."

"Am I wrong? Is that not exactly what you said?"

"I didn't say it like that."

"That's what I heard."

"It seems like you have selective hearing."

"I swear to God, if you don't wear cute underwear this time."

"I am not talking to you about my underwear at work, Penny."

"I'm just saying. Oh! Don't forget condoms!"

"SHUT UP!"

—

The week leading up to the next date was uneventful. Matty came in mid-week like normal. You didn't even ask if he wanted his usual and started his coffee right when he walked in the door.

"Not going to make sure my order hasn't changed? What if I've become an oat milk guy since I came in last?" He walked up to the counter with a grin on his face.

"You can't go changing up on me now, Matty."

"I would never," he laughed. "So, are we still on for Saturday?"

"Yeah, of course. What are you planning on cooking, by the way?"

"That's going to stay a surprise."

"Is that another way of saying you have no clue?" You handed him the coffee cup. His hand grazed yours.

"I'm not going to answer that."

"You still haven't given me your address."

"Oh shit, sorry," he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "There. Now you’ve got it," he said with a smile on his face.

"I'm looking forward to it. Just don't give me food poisoning."

"I'll try my best."

—

Saturday rolled around fast. After rummaging through your closet yet again, you chose a simple outfit, a hoodie and a pair of jeans. Once you fed Socks, you went out the door, trying not to be overcome with nerves. The walk to his apartment was just about ten minutes, like Matty had said before, so you didn't have too much time to dwell on those nerves. Reaching his door, you gave it a quick knock, and it swung open after a moment.

"I wasn't expecting you to be early."

"Matty, I'm five minutes late."

"Fuck, you're right," he said, looking at the time on his phone. "I must have lost track of time. Come on in. I'm still cooking." You stepped through the door into Matty's apartment, and you were met with chaos in the kitchen. Seemed like he hadn't even started yet. Two big pots sat on the stove top, and multiple cans of tomato were stacked onto the counter. He stood next to the counter, wearing an apron. Very cute.

"What are you even trying to make?"

"Uh... spaghetti?"

"Do you want some help?" You didn't want to be rude, but you wanted to eat something edible tonight.

"I want to say no, but I know if I do it will be a disaster." You walked into the kitchen and stood next to him, looking at the recipe he had printed out. The kitchen wasn't big. You were practically standing hip to hip. He was staring at the recipe printed out on the counter like he had no idea where to even begin. To be fair, the recipe he picked out wasn't an easy one.

"Matty, I think you managed to pick the most complicated spaghetti recipe I have ever seen. Go ahead and start the pot of water while I work on the sauce." Matty filled the pot with water, placed it on the stove, and then turned to you, watching you start the sauce.

"Sorry. I was supposed to be the one cooking for you."

"I love to cook. It's no trouble. Next time though, go for the pre-made sauce. Making it yourself is a pain in the ass."

"I'll redeem myself next time, promise."

The rest of the cooking went smoothly, for the most part. Matty almost burned the bread, but it was salvaged before the damage could be done. The both of you filled up your bowls with the spaghetti and went to sit on the couch.

"This is really fucking good," Matty said, after eating some of the spaghetti. It was true, you outdid yourself.

"I couldn't have done it without you."

"Oh, yes, you could have."

"Boiling the pasta is a very important job, Matty." He let out a strong laugh at your reply. He then reached over to grab the remote to the television off of the coffee table and hand it to you.

"Here. As a repayment for basically cooking all of dinner, you can put on whatever you would like."

"You're giving me a lot of power here."

"Choose wisely."

You racked your brain for a moment for a good movie to put on, and then it hit you. "Oh! I have the best movie in mind." A devilish smile spread across your face.

Matty watched as you searched for the movie, until you finally landed on it. "10 Things I Hate About You? Really?"

"What? It's a classic."

"It's cheesy."

"All classics are cheesy. You're the one that gave me remote control power here."

"If it's what you want to watch, then I guess it’s alright." Matty got up for a moment as you pressed play and took the empty bowls into the kitchen to put them in the sink. When he returned, he sat right next to you on the couch. You were already nervous, and he hadn't even done anything. As the movie played, you both made small talk about certain parts of the movie.

"It may be cheesy, but Patrick serenading Kat with the school band is a cinematic masterpiece."

"Okay, maybe the movie isn't as bad as I remembered." Matty took the opportunity to stretch out his arm around your shoulder and pull you into his side. With that simple movement, the movie was the last thought on your mind. All you could think about was the weight of Matty's arm wrapped around your shoulder, holding you close. Matty turned his face towards you. His eyes locked onto yours, and his lips were mere inches apart from you. "Are you paying attention to the movie?" He shifted, eyes staring at your lips before you spoke.

"Not really." Your voice held up under the nerves.

"Me neither," he paused. His brown eyes jumping back to meet yours. "Can I kiss you?"

"Yes."

His lips met yours. At first, they moved soft and slow against your lips. Both of his hands cupped your face, and your hands made their way around the back of his neck. You were more confident with your movements against his lips than the last time, but he still left you dazed. Your breathing picked up, desperate for more of his mouth.

When his tongue flicked against your bottom lip, the kiss intensified. He moved one of his hands from your face and threaded it through your hair, firmly holding onto the back of your head. His other hand held your hip, and you made your way onto his lap, just as you were a week ago. Matty pulled away from you, but before you had time to react his lips connected to your neck. His lips and tongue worked in tandem, pulling small gasps out of your throat. Your heart was pounding onto your rib cage. Hands trembling behind his neck.

Matty could feel the tremors in your hands. Lifting up from your neck, his eyes met yours in sincerity. "Relax, sweetheart. I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to. You're safe with me." His words calmed you, as he continued to suck on your neck. Suddenly, his lips were replaced with the graze of his teeth, making you jolt. "Is that okay?" His voice was muffled against your neck before he relocated to another spot near your collar bone.

"Mhm," you hummed in response. You didn't want to know how needy your voice would sound if you tried to speak out your answer. His lips were hot and unrelenting against your neck, leaving marks behind. His tongue ran along all the places he bit and sucked at, soothing them.

Both of his hands moved to hold your thighs that straddled his hips. Fingertips digging into them. His grip tightened as you carefully began to move against his hips. Matty broke off from your neck, looking you deep in the eyes. His hands slipped underneath your hoodie, tracing the skin underneath it. His touch on your bare skin drew a small sound from your mouth. Your skin was fiery from the contact of his fingertips. The touch was careful and hesitant, but it was clear what he wanted.

"Can I take this off?" His voice was timid and out of breath. He didn't want to go too fast.

"Yeah," you whispered. Your voice was in the same shape as his. Apprehension was laced in your words. As soon as you gave your answer, his hands slipped your hoodie right off. His eyes bore into you as he looked down at your body, panting through parted lips.

"Fucking hell. Did you wear this for me?" The gaze of his eyes was so intense you had to break the stare. You rested your face in the crook his neck at his comment, losing courage fast. You did indeed listen to Penny this time, and bought a lacy black bra and underwear set earlier this week.

"I was worried it was going to be a little bit much." Face still hidden away from him.

"No, no, it's not. Don't hide your face," he said, fingers clutching your chin and guiding your face, so it was inches away from his, forcing you to be eye to eye once again. Matty removed his own shirt before connecting your lips back together, giving you the chance to run your hands down his bare chest. Your fingertips traced over the tattoo in the middle of his chest, and his reaction was immediate. His tongue worked its way into your mouth, pulling all the air out of your lungs as you continued to grind your hips onto him.

Without warning, Matty pulled you up from the couch by your hips and led you back towards his bedroom. His lips locked against yours until you made it into the room. The back of your legs hit the bed behind you, and then he broke away. Matty held eye contact as he sunk down to his knees in front of you, holding onto the back of your thighs. His eyes passionately looked up into yours, alternating between your wide eyes and your lips, completely enamored by you. He couldn't look away. Your lips were puffy from the previous kisses. You stared right back as his hands traced along the top of your jeans.

"Can I take these off?" he asked. He meant it when he said he wouldn't do anything you didn't want to do. He was going to make sure everything he did was okay. You hastily nodded in response to his question, but that wasn't enough. He needed more than that. "I need to hear you say it, love." He gave the skin above the waistline a small, open-mouthed kiss before looking back at you.

"Yes, you can do whatever you want." he chuckled slightly at your eagerness, but he was just as desperate for you. His hands slowly undid the button of your jeans before he pulled them down over your hips and thighs, keeping his eyes connected with yours as his hands removed your jeans. By the look of desire on his face, and the budge in his pants, you could tell he enjoyed your choice of underwear. The black lace against your skin was a sight he would have to commit to memory.

He stood back up and sat you down on his bed. He stayed right in front of you as he took off his own jeans with haste; pupils wide and blown. His lips were swollen and red, a sheen of saliva on them. You reached out for him, anxious for his touch. Hands running up into his brown curls pulling him down to kiss you, tugging the brown locks.

At the feeling of you pulling his hair, he groaned into your mouth. Unsure of what to do next, you let one of your hands glide down his chest, towards the growing bulge in his boxers. Before you made it, though, he intercepted your hand with his own. His hand completely covered yours as he pulled back to look at you.

"Did I do something wrong?" you asked.

"No, darling, you didn't do anything wrong," he reassured you quickly. His other hand came up to hold the side of your face, brushing your lower lip lightly with his thumb. "I just want to take care of you tonight. Is that alright?"

"If that's what you want to do."

"It most certainly is." Matty moved to sit up on the bed, but he didn't sit next to you. Instead, he sat towards the top of the bed, sitting against the plush headboard. He leaned back against it with his legs spread. "Come here. Lay back against my chest." Your confusion must have shown on your face as you stayed where you were sitting for a moment. "Stop thinking about it so hard, babe." His voice was teasing, but his face was genuine as he motioned you over to him. You listened, and crawled towards him on the bed, turning around so your back laid against his bare chest. The contact with his skin made you shiver. His thighs were on either side of your hips. You could feel yourself pressed into every part of him.

The nerves you thought had calmed down flared back up as you waited for Matty to make his next move. He began by taking his hands and placing them on your thighs. Matty rubbed up and down the lengths of your thighs before he pulled them away from each other to spread your legs apart, mirroring his own. His lips found your neck again, leaving kisses and small bites from the back of your ear all the way down to the crook of your neck. His hands moved from your thighs, dragging them along your hip bone until they spanned across your stomach. He decided to speak again. His breath hot in your ear.

"God, you look so good in lace. Going to be a shame to take it off." Your breath hitched as one of his fingers dipped under the waist band, but he made no effort to remove the undergarment. His hands moved again, this time towards your chest. "I think this can stay on as a compromise," he said with his hands over your breasts. He was teasing you. One of his hands glided down your stomach back to the waistband of your underwear. The other hand gripped you around the waist, pulling you in so you were against his groin. "Feel how hard you're making me?" You pushed your ass back against him, forcing a groan leaving his lips from the pressure.

"Is this okay?" he asked, fingers toying with the waist band. All you could manage was a gasp. "Use your words sweetheart." His voice was firm, but still gentle as he ran his fingertips tentatively underneath the waistband.

"Yes, please," you replied in a whimper. He trailed his middle and ring finger down to tease at your inner thighs before he finally placed them over your clothed clit. Matty planned to drag this out as long as possible. He pressed down in small, very slow circles, causing you to jerk back against him. A moan slipped from your throat.

"That feel good?" He left another hot, open-mouthed kiss on your neck before he trailed his fingers down lower, feeling your arousal through the underwear. "Already this wet for me? You must want it bad, huh?" His fingers continued to move against your clit over your underwear. You were growing restless, practically whining as your hips moved against his fingers, craving his touch on your skin, but he was unyielding. He wanted you to ask for it. "What? You need something else?" he asked, voice thick and sultry.

"Matty, please."

"Please what? If you want me to touch you, you're going to have to tell me with your words."

"Touch me. Please touch me. Please, please, please." You were gasping for air. Your chest moving up and down at a fast pace. You wanted him. No, you needed him.

"Such a good girl. That wasn't so hard, was it?" His comment made the blood rise to your cheeks. "I'm going to take these off now, alright?" He grabbed the waistband of the underwear and pulled them down your thighs. You stifled a gasp when his fingers pressed against you. One of your hands reached behind you to thread through his hair, while the other went to cover your mouth as he began to circle you in a fast motion. Matty wasn't going to allow that. His free hand coming up to pull your hand from over your mouth. "I want to hear how good I'm making you feel.”

You don't think you could have held back your moans even if you tried, whining at the movement of his hand. Your hips moved aimlessly against his. The constant movement against his erection was becoming too much. His groans were hot against your ear. His arm wrapped around your waist and pinned it to him, ceasing your movements. "This is about you sweetheart, remember?" he added, voice strained. He trailed a finger downwards, gently circling your entrance. "Can I?"

"Please," you begged. You wanted as much of him as he would give you.

He slowly worked a finger into you, waiting until you were comfortable before thrusting deep in and out of you at a careful pace. "Fuck, you're so wet," he breathed into your ear. By this point, his other hand moved its way past your breasts and rested around your neck, giving your neck a gentle, but constant squeeze. You choked out a moan at the pressure on your neck, writhing against his groin once again. Heat spread across your skin. You knew he wanted to be careful with you, but you couldn't take the slow pace of his movements. You needed more.

"Matty, please put another one in and go faster. I'm not going to break, please." you begged. You were desperate, you didn't care if you sounded that way.

"Eager?" he replied. You didn't have to beg again, though. He wanted to please you. Matty pushed another finger into you and increased his pace, curling his fingers up so they brushed against a spot that made you jerk against him.

"Oh, fuck," you cried out, tightening your grasp in his hair. Your head fell back against his shoulder as his fingers thrusted in and out of you, going deeper and deeper with every stroke. The heat began to build in your lower stomach, wounding tighter with each of his movements. His hand left your neck and rested below your navel. He pushed down onto your lower stomach with his hand while his fingers continued to move. A choked sob left your lips. The tension within you was growing tighter.

"You like that?" he asked as if he didn't already know the answer, picking up the pace of his hand. You pulsed around his fingers with every stroke inside of you.

"Matty—" you rasped. His name was the only thing you were sure of right now. His fingers hitting every spot you needed them to. The heat in your stomach was reaching a breaking point.

"Something you're trying to tell me, love?"

"Please. I'm so close, please."

Immediately, he drew his hand from your stomach and began to circle your clit. The sensation from both hands was too much. Your hips stuttering against him. Electricity began to run through your skin as your hands went down to grasp at his thighs for support. Nails digging into the skin.

"Go on, sweetheart. Don't hold back," he murmured. His lips reattached to your neck, sucking hard on your pulse point.

His words, the feeling of his tongue, and the prodding of his hands sent you over the edge. You cried out his name at your release. Your muscles tensed around his fingers as the pleasure enveloped you, trembling in his hold.

"That's it. That's a good girl," he whispered into your ear, continuing to rub your clit to help you come down.

You stayed against him, trying to catch your breath as he removed his fingers from inside of you. Your skin still buzzing with pleasure as his other hand held your chin to pull you in for a kiss. Wanting to deepen the kiss, you turned around to sit in his lap, but he held back your face before your lips could meet his. His fingers that were inside you came up to prod against your lower lip.

"Clean them off for me, yeah?" he asked. His pupils were so wide you could barely make out the brown ring around them.

You did what he asked, opening your mouth to take his fingers in as far as they would go. Your lips closed around his fingers while your tongue pressed against them; you could taste yourself on his fingers. He slowly dragged them out of your mouth, never breaking eye contact with you. You craved more of him.

"Please fuck me," you begged, voice shaky.

Matty sucked in a sharp breath. He wanted all of you, but he was determined to wait. His hands held both sides of your face before he spoke. "Next time, but not tonight, okay? I just wanted to take care of you tonight, to take things slow."

"I want to make you feel good, too. Please, Matty." Your hands were on his chest, raking your fingernails down him softly. The only thing separating your bodies was the thin fabric of his boxers. He was still hard against you, straining against the fabric.

"I'm fine, sweetheart," he insisted. Although, he was losing composure fast at the feeling of you against him with nearly no separation.

"If you won't fuck me..." you breathed out, moving your hips. He winced as you ground down against him. "Is there something else you'll let me do to get you off? You can use my mouth if you want." He groaned at the thought of your lips wrapped around him but pushed the image aside. That would happen later, not tonight.

"Fucking hell, I'll compromise. You can jerk me off. That alright?"

"Yes," you replied with a quick nod. "I'll do anything you'll let me."

"Go ahead," he prompted, voice thin. You went to move off of his lap, kneeling beside him. You gradually ran your hand down from his chest tattoo until you reached the bulge in his underwear. You splayed your hand over his clothed erection and pressed down carefully, looking him in the eye. His hips jerked against your hand as you continued to apply pressure. "Fuck," he groaned. You moved your hands upward to hook around his waist band, pulling the garment down.

He was big. A bead of precum formed at his tip. Your hand trembled as you grasped around his cock. Your fingers barely made their way all around him. His chest moved up and down as he breathed deeply, watching as you held him in your hand. Unsure of exactly how to do this well, you looked up at him.

"Do you want some guidance?" he asked without you having to say anything. His eyes were glazed over as they looked back down on you. You nodded hesitantly in response, and this time he didn't pry at your lack of words. "Alright." His hand moved down until it was wrapped around yours over his cock. His hand completely encapsulated yours, making you feel small next to him. He began to guide your hand to move up and down his shaft at a careful pace. His breath picked up at the feeling of your hand around him, struggling to speak out his next set of instructions.

"Just start out slow, don't press too hard at the tip." You continued to follow the movements of his hand, occasionally glancing up to see the look on his face. His lips were parted, still puffy. Pieces of hair hanged down over his forehead. He removed his hand from yours to let you touch him on your own. You were still careful with your movements, but held him firmly in your grasp, using his precum to glide your hand at a faster pace.

You were still unsure of yourself. "Is that good?" you asked, meeting his dark eyes.

"Fuck. Yeah, that's good keep going just like that." His words only egged you on. You increased your pace, giving the head of his cock a gentle squeeze. His head fell back against the headboard as a choked sound left his lips. You took his exposed neck as an opportunity to attach your lips to his neck, sucking right above his collarbone while continuously moving your hand. His hips jerked when your lips met his neck. "Shit, love. You're so good. Fuck."

He was getting close. His lower stomach was tensing, and his cock pulsated in your hand. Strained sounds were coming out of his mouth. You removed your lips from his neck and moved your freehand to the back of his head, forcing him to look you in the eyes. The eye contact was all it took. He spilled over your hand while you continued to stroke him through his orgasm. His first instinct was to pull you in by the back of your head for a quick, but heated kiss.

"Here, let me get you some tissues," he said, reaching for the box of tissues on his nightstand to clean up the mess on your hand. You stopped him with your clean hand.

"No, I got it," you replied, eyes dark. You took each of your fingers into your mouth, licking them clean while he watched with his mouth wide open.

"Shit. How about we do this again, same time next week?"

“Is that gonna be the ‘next time’ you mentioned earlier?”

“You’ll have to find out, won’t you?”

#matty healy #the 1975 #matty healy x reader #matty healy smut #matty healy fanfic #the 1975 fanfic #smut #writing #this is cross posted to ao3 so go give it a kudos pls #hopefully this isn’t bad #reposted this on here to make it aesthetic

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2deadkat · 2 months

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Ever seen “Black Sad”? What’re your thoughts on them if so

Okay lemme stop you right there before I start fanboying out…I LOVE Blacksad, it’s one of my favorite comics of all time…the art is so immersive and the writing is so smooth it’s one of my biggest inspirations actually. I make a lot of my mini comics with that in mind fun fact. I’ve read all the comics during December of 2022 and it has burnt into my mind ever since (tho the recent one has ended on a cliffhanger and I haven’t heard any new updates which is making me salty)

Honestly I love the fact that it’s a novel detective story with animal people and something about Blacksad screams peak design…

though the implications of fur color racism in this universe has got me thinking a lot but somehow it makes sense (I’m not sure if you know one of the comics is about a white supremacy group filled with pure white animals). Overall they have really good mysteries, I like the one in New Orleans and the other in Route 66. The way they delve into the culture also…there’s a huge show don’t tell aspect into the comics I really like. What I mean by that it’s very visual, there’s a lot of emphasis on action and expression which pairs really well with the thoughts of the characters, and you know Blacksad’s a detective so he monologues a lot, it works.

Idk how to describe it and maybe I’m wrong but it makes scenes where they’re just talking so endearing to look at and it makes me engage with the story really well…

Btw the spreads are insane…so much background detail, I’d recommend you see the full things for yourself

And now it’s time for my major complaint…why the fuck do all (or at least a majority I know Blacksad himself has more humanistic features) the male characters have beastly features compared to the female characters that is just a basic human body and with cat ears and a nose???

Hell even if there are more animalistic designs of women the problem is they’re either on the side or just a joke/gimmicky character compared to the ones that are a major part of the storyline it seems unfair with the male cast. Like you know you can an attractive furry woman without relying too much on humanistic features right???

So far the only redemption I see is with the alpaca lady with the “they all fall down” comic so I’ll give it that.

But yeah that’s the only thing that’s taking me out of reading these comics…and also the fact they play with women’s suffering for shock value for the sake of the story which seems to be a staple in noir/pulp type fiction. Which is…nothing I can do about but it’s more of a pet peeve really :/

But yeah despite all that it is still my favorite comic ever and a huge art influence minus the female furry design…

#keith answers #thank you anon for making me create a fanboy masterpost/lh #blacksad #oh my goodness I rambled so hard #Welp…here’s your ‘thoughts’

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trashlie · 5 months

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it's good to see you around again, I missed reading your long ILY posts, hope you're doing better too :) if you ever share your thoughts on the latest couple of episodes (including fp) here, I'd be super excited to read them! I'm really curious how you think the timeline is gonna go from here - especially relating to Shin-Ae and Nolan since it feels like they are the last pieces that need to fall into place so everything is ready for the post-timeskip story to go down. like you, I was so sure Nol and Shin-Ae were going to have some kind of reconciliation before he goes to jail but WELP rip 3 day extension. Poor guy though, Yui showing up in his hospital room must have been extremely triggering, it made sense that he did everything to get outta there ASAP. It's worrying me that this series of negative interactions (Kousuke, Alyssa, Yui) could've undone everything positive Shin-Ae Dieter Soushi Nana did, and now therapy during jail time could either have a positive or negative effect, so Nol is a Schroedinger's cat for now.... At least some things got cleared up and Shin-Ae is now starting to understand the root of the problem (= Yui) (and it actually really makes sense that she had to figure it out herself instead of Nol telling her - the boy obviously isn't ready to talk) so we made some progress.... But istg with this upcoming separation arc 2.0 it feels so much like we're gonna be back at ground zero after the first time skip. Fingers crossed they reconcile in whatever way before the big time skip though. we need a somewhat positive conclusion to this arc before season 1 ends, because if not then what was all this build up for, and why now? What about the realizations? the "convince me"? What about "if you won't let me have you"? If their reconciliation is only going to happen after multiple years of "conflict" between them that would be so cruel....

AND SHIN-AE STILL HASN'T GOTTEN HER BANDANA BACK and now he's stealing her lines too SDGDADSF;SDF

Waaaahhhhh thank you, friend!!! As you can probably tell, I'm still trying to get myself back here fully and figure out how to balance everything, which has always been a struggle ;~; I really may resort to telling my friends to ignore me and yell at me until I get certain posts written up so I'll stop procrastinating because there are SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT EPISODES I WANT TO RECAP AND TALK ABOUT!!!! BUT THE ORGANIZING MYSELF!!!! IS THE PART THAT'S SO DIFFICULT!!!!!!!!

One of the great things about the ILY discord server is that we have this very constant, active conversation going on at all times so it's SO easy to be very present and active, but I also find that it means it's more difficult for me to regulate myself, or I'll have that feeling that I JUST talked about something and so when I try to write about it over here, it feels like a hollow echo and I know that's just because I was just having the conversation so that's just something I need to work on dealing with lol

But I want to answer this before we move so far away from when you asked this!!!!! As expected, there are FP spoilers ahead for eps 246 through 249!!!!!

I!!!! DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!! LMAO Like. GOD. I feel like quimchee has thrown us curveball after curveball and when we sit down and think about how long this period of December 21 and the post December 21 arc has been, how much the story has weaved around?! There are so many things that have occurred that I NEVER expected and, like you, it's just everything I thought has clearly gone out the window. Part of it, I think, is the result of quimchee having to change the arrangement of her story, and god I would love to pick her brain about the things that changed, since Nol's injury was supposed to happen at the formal itself, we never would have had this extended period of hospital time, and it seems like everything about Nol and Shinae coming to realization with their feelings would have played out in a wholly different way than what we ended up getting, so on some level I think this is partly that quimchee, too, is sort of throwing herself cureveballs in that there are things she knows needs to happen and she isn't sure where or how to fit the other elements in? But that's just my guess.

On the one hand, I do feel very "WHAT WAS THE EXTENSION FOR IF NOT FOR RECONCILIATION?!" but beyond Stalkyoo, we have gotten a LOT of good stuff out of this period of time. We see Kousuke facing his cognitive dissonance for, perhaps, the first time, and the revelation that Yui has been drugging him (and likely for a long time, given the way Hansuke describe the dosage Kousuke had and that it merely knocked him out), and more than that, making those connections between Nol and Yui and tea, and wanting to face him. I'm STILL proud of him for wanting to go back and see Nol again, even after he couldn't face him, even after Hansuke found him on the floor of a public bathroom hugging a toilet from the remorse and guilt and perhaps shame of the realization of the ways he has hurt people - has hurt Nol! - who didn't deserve it. We have seen that Rand and Yujing are, in fact, working on something behind the scenes, that Rand is facing Yui as a real adversary now, not just someone who has been resigned to endure her for so many years now, but to actually fight against her. The entirety of Nol's birthday celebration could not have happened the way it did had he not been in the hospital, since he would have had to turn himself in, and while maybe the original plan was that they celebrated his birthday with Minhyuk's coming home party, I'm.... not sure if that would have been the case?

But at at any rate, I do acknowledge that despite the fact that it feels like Nol might be back at square one, that he and Shinae are back where they started in 151, such significant events HAVE taken place that I think will still affect the narrative future of ILY. I still feel strongly that part of Nol's trajectory is coming to terms with the fact that he does, indeed, belong here. That he isn't someone who wasn't meant to be, that he doesn't belong here. He belongs, and he deserves love. He is someone, not nothing. I still think one of his greater arcs will involve coming to embrace this, and while the negative events - Kousuke, Alyssa, Yui - feel like they could be setting him back, he is now equipped with knowledge and feelings he wasn't before. It can't hurt him the same. In fact, I think part of why his confrontation with Alyssa went the way it did was because he had had this experience with Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi, it illuminated everything that was so wrong with his relationship with Alyssa, how neither of them really know each other. It's that sense of foiling that allows him to put his foot down and say enough is enough. Even before it was revealed that Alyssa had come with Yui, it was clear that Nol was over the visit. Don't get me wrong - I understand why he couldn't see that Alyssa clearly was not well, that she was uncomfortable, that she had come to him with no one else to go to, much as he'd gone to Kousuke in the past when he lost his mom, and I also understand why he did the same thing Kousuke did and turned her away. But the point I'm getting at is, it feels like there was a shift. That birthday celebration illuminated something for Nol.

So it's kind of like, while it feels like this might have undone the progress Nol made, it can't undone the revelations he's had, and in that same way, it cannot cast shadow on his enlightenment. He is not the same Nol he was a week ago. Too much has changed, he's become aware of too much, and as such, he is going to respond differently to what comes his way, and while he may continue to try what he had originally intended, I think the difference is that he's now been made aware of things that impact the choices he makes.

But largely I don't really know what I expect just yet. I think it's very pointed that the lawyer reminded Shinae that she has his phone number; I don't think that would be called out if it wasn't going to be important in some way, but in terms of how are we going from here to there? Unsure lol. I think there HAS to be a resolution of some kind, whether it's a reconciliation or not, because Shinae is on this momentum swing that isn't going to stop until she crashes into something or she comes into a force of nature that stops her. Nothing, no one, has been able to reach her or get through to her, and I know it's just because of how much she's hurting, but she's lashing out at people and hurting THEM like a street cat swiping at people trying to help her. She's so terrified of losing Nol, especially now that he came back, especially now that she gave him the option to leave and he didn't and it rekindled that hope she gave him an opening to leave when it would have been easier and he didn't which just made it worse, because so much more was at stake. She can't stop fighting she can't stop trying because she cannot bear what it means to lose him for real this time, not when she finally had him back, not when that realization has come to her even if she won't admit it. She needs him, so what's going to make her give up?

Something has to transpire, whether it's a reconciliation or Nol pushing her away and really shattering her heart or something awful like that, to bring her to a halt, because I can't imagine how we would move into our mini time skip to spring/graduation with Shinae like this, right? So I think there must be some kind of resolution. My foolish, hopeless self wants so badly to hope for reconciliation but esp after 249 I am SO torn. I have two thoughts.

a. they reconcile. She can reach him, and convince him, and even though he is so afraid, he is also someone who folds in front of her, he struggles to resist her. He told her to convince him and boy she can convince him and even though he tells himself he isn't sure if these feelings are real because what if it's just because she's NICE to him I think hearing her confess her feelings would tell him how he feels and give him the answer.

b. But the alternative feels like a parallel to Nessa and Rand, because Nessa, too, was hurt over and over by someone who kept getting her hopes up and getting hurt by him. Shinae gave Nol the opportunity to leave and he didn't, he stayed and doing so sparked her hope, made her feel things, they shared these tender, intimate moments together and forced that realization to come to mind, but for him to push her away again, for her safety, to make choices on her behalf even though she's told him she hates that and she doesn't want him to. Imagine her pulling a Nessa and calling him scum lfkjajkfkjfjkfaj ;A;!!!!! Imagine her so angry and hurt and resentful and saying awful things she doesn't mean and GOD I feel like it can go only one of these ways because what ELSE is going to stop her in her tracks?!

And I really want a reconciliation because parting like this sets them up for SO. MUCH. STRIFE. Because we know one way or another Shinae is going to end up taking Yui's offer and if Nol leaves on these terms, he would end up thinking she's following in Alyssa's footsteps doing so, not understanding WHY she's doing, not understanding that this is Shinae's only way of protecting herself, learning to speak Yui's language and play her game.

and idk I know I'm a hopeful optimist reading a webtoon that proves to me over and over that I cannot be a hopeful optimist but LMAO GOD I WANT SHINAE TO CONVINCE THAT DUMBO

I've said it before that convincing him doesn't mean they have to get into a relationship. Just. Reconcile. She's so afraid of LOSING HIM, thinking that once he slips away he's out of her grasp, her sight, for good, that she will lose the best thing that happened to her and I WANT THAT RECONCILATION. I want her to convince him, for both their sakes. So that he knows he has someone he can go back to. So that she knows he's not just throwing her away. So that she doesn't have to fear losing something so precious and important.

Am I foolish and hopeful for hoping for that outcome? Maybe, but it won't stop me LMAO because as delicious and angsty as Shinae and Nol following in Ressa's footsteps with Nol hurting her again and leaving her so hurt and angry is, I want to see them on that same page. I want to see Shinae convince him - convince him why he is so important to her, and that his feelings are real. That's the thing, right, like.... you can tell yourself that your feelings aren't real, but if the person you like confesses to you, your heart will inevitably betray you and respond to the confession. Nol fears for Shinae's safety but important puzzle pieces are falling into place. She has figured what he fears the most - and if she thinks hard enough she'll realize how she can use that to her "advantage", in that Rand has told her Yui will never let her go, that it doesn't matter if Nol leaves or not. It goes back to my oft repeated sentiment of them needing to be on the same page, to be a team, because his absence will not protect her. And between what Rand told her, plus her anecdotes about Kousuke's birthday and how Yui treated her even before the formal, and what Yujing told Nol about Kousuke being drugged by Yui, maybe, just MAYBE that conclusion that wasn't only him all along will finally hit him. I know he can't change over night, that he has so many deeply ingrained fears that won't be easily assuaged, but I have to hope that a confession from Shinae can convince him that the alternative is worse. Convince him to fight along side her ;A;

I go back and forth on this thought but I think this is strongly what I feel right now. That reconciliation could still be around the corner, even if it's just an admission and a promise to not push her away. Shinae is tired of people acting on her behalf, tired of not getting a say, and especially in something that involves her heart, her feelings?

Go fight girl and maybe bite him if that's what it takes ;A;

STEALING HER BANDANA. HER LINES. HERT HEART. THIS MAN DESERVES TO BE LOCKED AWAY

ALFJLFJLFKJLAFKJLKFJALKFJ

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY Ask #ILY Spoilers #ILY FP #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Stalkyoo #Aegi #oh you know just me wailing into the night about stalkyoo nbd alkfjjkafjkafjkajfkajfjaf lmao #I PLANNED TO ANSWER THIS AND BE CHILL BUT I DON'T HAVE CHILL and then when i was wailing about Shinae giving Nol the chance to leave and ho #part of why she is so desperate is she can't lose him again not when she almost did not when he came back not when she gave him the chance #to leave and he chose to stay and saw the parallel to Nessa and Rand and it was just ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE LMAO #AGONY #ANGUISH #PLS PLS PLS LET ME GET WHAT I WANT #lmao #plssssssssssssssssssssss #can you imagine how awful it would be if they didn't reconcile until post time skip?!#jesus christ HOW do you even reconcile after that?!#HOWLS FOREVER

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polichinelle · 2 months

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the raven cycle timeline

"trc takes place in the mid-2010s" "trc takes place in 2012" no it doesn't! it's pretty common knowledge that mstief isn't the most specific when it comes to timelines (an example is that she had to change ronan's birth date after readers pointed out that it didn't line up with the events of the book; another example is the pre-canon gansey & adam & ronan friendship timeline, which doesn't make sense at all if you think about it longer than a second), and she has said before that her editors are more or less the same.

what that means is that the raven cycle and the dreamer trilogy are kind of nebulously "present-time," and no matter what year you think it takes place in, some details are going to be inaccurate. but since i am a chronic nit-picker and i get very fussy about timelines, that didn't sit right with me! i needed to know the exact year. so on my last reread, i kept a look out for any mention of dates so that i might be able to pinpoint exactly when the raven cycle takes place.

and i think i might have the answer :)

all of my arguments come from the dream thieves.

firstly, adam's birthday. we know that his birthday is july 3rd:

we also know that he was missing for most of the previous day:

what happens then is that he falls asleep for an indeterminate amount of time ("Later he fell asleep sitting up on the end of that same sofa."), he and gansey drive back to henrietta, adam visits blue at fox way, and after scrying with persephone he falls asleep again for twenty-one hours, and during that twenty-one hours is when his birthday takes place.

for a while i assumed the "quietly turned eighteen" referred to midnight, but that actually doesn't make a lot of sense given the context of the previous day being saturday. both of our options (gansey and adam drive back the same evening they found adam; gansey and adam drive back the next morning, on sunday) leaves us with adam falling asleep on sunday. at some point during the next twenty-one hours he "turns eighteen."

the thing is, there is no convenient year where july 3rd falls on a monday (in the scenario where we assume that "quietly turned eighteen" refers to midnight on the day of his birthday). however, if we go with the idea that it is still sunday and it refers simply to his actual time of birth, we're left with a pretty good answer:

adam turns 18 on sunday, july 3rd, 2011.

i have another thing to kind of back this up.

if we assume niall wasn't lying about that, we have two (well... kind of) options:

i searched for earthquakes in northern england since niall was born in cumbria. however, in my opinion, the second one, on december 26th, can't really be counted, since it would mean niall was... 32 in 2011. a little young lol. but if he was born in 1970, he would be 40/41 at his time of death, which makes a lot of sense (it also makes sense he would be a leo). neither earthquakes are a 4.1, but whatever, maybe he just forgot the exact number. maybe he was being humble.

so... all of this to say that the events of the raven cycle probably happen during 2011, and thus the dreamer trilogy would take place in 2013. considering the references to fortnite and all, that doesn't make a lot of sense, but at least i can rest easy knowing that that's just because mstief didn't think about this stuff at all while writing it (hence nebulous "present-day" being the actual correct answer as to when the books are set).

for a while i actually thought trc took place in 2010 since the lynches go to church before kavinsky's party, which i assumed meant july fourth was on a sunday, but it's mentioned that they go for a "special" "holiday mass" and not regular mass. either way, 2011 works better with adam being missing on saturday.

anyway, all this to say that i think about timelines too much. thank you for reading if you've made it this far lol

#trc #the raven cycle #the dream thieves

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atlasdoe · 10 months

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Hello my name is Ace and i'm back on my lab rats bullshit so i'm rewatching the entire show

i've been trying to sort out all of the characters ages in my head since the dawn of time so im using this rewatch as an opportunity to keep record of all the times the characters mention their ages or time as a whole

also i would like to make it known that i have no idea how American schools work

also also I know that this is a kids show and I knew that the timeline had issues way before I started this but it was a fun thing to keep track of as I watched and now I have this information and I have no idea what to do with it so enjoy i guess

Lab Rats

Season 1, Episode 1: Crush, Chop and Burn Part 1

- All of the siblings attend High School meaning that they are from the ages of 13 - 18

- All of the siblings attend the same gym class

Season 1, Episode 8: Bionic Birthday Fail

- It's Leos 14th birthday

- Donald says that he's 38

this particular episode first aired on May the 7th so this could be Leo's date of birth but it's never said what the day is in the episode

also side note but it is cannon that Davenport did not celebrate Adam Bree and Chases birthdays up until this point. Also they don't know who Santa is but do celebrate Christmas with presents and decorations the same as seen in episode 3

Season 1, Episode 14: Chore Wars

- Chase says that 2009 was 3 years ago making the year this episode takes place 2012

Season 1, Episode 15: Dude, Wheres My Lab

- It's summer vacation meaning that it takes place during the months of May, June, July or August

Season 1, Episode 16: Air Leo

- Leo says that he's 14

- The episode takes place in the school meaning that if it was summer vacation in the last episode then it's a new school year in this one. American school years start in either late August or early September

Season 1, Episode 17: Night of the Living Virus

this isn't really anything but it was very obvious to me that this episode was shot before the others. Not only does Chase have his old haircut that he had for the first few episode but the sofa has the old throw pillows that they changed at the end of the second episode. Idk what this means for the timeline of when this episode took place (i believe it's a halloween episode as it aired in October) so idk if this episode is supposed to take place before the other episodes or if the producers just didn't care enough to care about the changes

- Caitlin is at least 16 years old in this episode as they mention her sweet 16

Season 1, Episode 20: Mission Space

- Leo says that Marcus is a Sagittarius

- Bree says that she's also a Sagittarius

Sagittarius have their birthdays between November 22nd and December 21st

Season 2, Episode 1: Speed Trapped

- Leo says he's 14

Season 2, Episode 2: Spy Fly

- Leo says that Davenport is almost 40

- It appears that Adam and Chase are in the same health class since they have the same assighment

- Bree and Leo are both doing the same physics test in the same class

Season 2, Episode 9: Spikes Got Talent

- At the beginning of the episode the siblings talk about the yearbook and about how everyone got a most likely to apart from Chase. This indicates that the yearbooks have just been handed out. When yearbooks come out depends on the school but it's mostly near the end of the school year

Season 2, Episode 12: Trucked Out

- Adam gets his drivers license meaning that he is at least 16 years old

Considering he passed on his first test and Bree, Chase and Leo don't have their licenses we can safely assume that Bree, Chase and Leo are all under the age of 16 in this episode

Season 2, Episode 15: Bionic Showdown Part 2

- Marcus is under the age of 16

Season 2, Episode 16: Memory Wipe

- The siblings erase 24 years of Donalds memory making him think that he's 15. Meaning that in this episode he would've been 39

Season 2, Episode 19: Llama Drama

- It's leading up to the homecoming game. Homecoming usually takes place in late September or early October meaning that it is probably a new school year

Season 2, Episode 20: The Haunting of Mission Creek High

- It's the homecoming dance meaning that it's still late September/early October

Season 2, Episode 21: Perry 2.0

- Adam and Bree seem to have gym class together but they're literally in gym for the entire episode apart from a small scene where they're at lunch so that might've been some special type of sport day or something like that

Season 2, Episode 23: Prank You Very Much

- It's been 150 days since Janelle and Leo first spoke to each other. Janelles first appearance in the show was Season 1 Episode 10: Can I Borrow the Helicopter? meaning that it (should) have been no more then 150 days since that episode. Though this doesn't make much sense since some of the most recent episodes revolves around homecoming which starts at the beginning of the school year and we already had a summer vacation episode last season and there is no way that everyone from "Dude Where's My Lab?" and "Llama Drama" happened within a month

Season 2, Episode 24: 'Twas the Mission Before Christmas

- It's Christmas Eve

- Tasha says that it's their first Christmas together but again like i just said this makes no sense since at least one christmas should've passed

- Bree says that Davenport Industry's have been risking the fate of mankind since 1992. If she hasn't made this year up then that means that if Donald is 39 in this episode and this episode takes place in 2012 like they're suggesting (even tho the episode came out in 2013. If this is their first christmas together it should be 2012) then Davenport Industry's started 20 years ago when Donald was 19

- Chase says that he is 15

Season 2, Episode 25: Trent Gets Schooled

- Part of this episode revolves around taking pictures for the Yearbook. Since Bree mentions her photo from the previous year and yearbook photos were mentioned in Spikes Got Talent this means that the siblings have DEFINITELY been going to school for longer then a year

- Leo and Trent both say that it's not football season. Football season is usually late August/early September to mid/late October meaning that it is not during this time in the episode

- Trent does a test in this episode and after passing he graduates immediately and then becomes the coach. Idk if it's possible for Trent to just immediately graduate at a random point in the school year or if this had to have taken place during the end of the school year

Season 3, Episode 5: Zip It

- Bree, Chase and Caitlin all get a part time job in this episode. In California you have to be at least 14 to work so this doesn't tell us anything about how old they are considering we know that Chase is at least 15 but I'm keeping it in anyway

Season 3, Episode 7: Scramble the Orbs

- Leo, Adam and Janelle have a gym class together

Season 3, Episode 9: Taken

- Douglas is at least 40 years old as he shows Leo a video from his 40th birthday party. This means that Donald has to be over the age of 40

Season 3, Episode 10: Three Minus Bree

- Eddy says that Leo is 16 years old

Season 3, Episode 12: Cyborg Shark Attack

- It's summer as said by Perry and indicated in what the characters are wearing but the school is still open meaning it might be around May - June

Season 3, Episode 13: You Posted What!?! Part 1

- Donald says that he's had Adam Bree and Chase for 16 years meaning that they are all at least 16 years old

Season 3, Episode 14: You Posted What!?! Part 2

- Donald says that he's 43

Season 3, Episode 15: Armed and Dangerous

- Donald says that he and the trio have had 16 years of training

Season 3, Episode 17: Brother Battle

- Bree mentions working a 12 hour shift at Tech Town. According to Google people under the age of 18 can be asked to work for longer then 8 hours a day in exceptional circumstances. They can ask only if no one who's over the age of 18 is available to do the work

Season 3, Episode 20: Merry Glichmas

- It's Christmas

- Leo says he's 16

- In the last Christmas episode Chase says that he's 15 meaning that for this Christmas Chase has to be at least 16. Since Leo says that he's 16 and it's could either be that Chase is only a few months older then Leo or that this episode takes place two years after the last Christmas episode and Chase is 17

Season 3, Episode 22: The Rise Of The Secret Soldiers Part 2

- It's given off that Krane began raising the secret soldiers since they were babies behind Douglas back as Douglas says that he had a tone of baby pictures meaning that Douglas and Krane must've been working together for at least 16 years

Season 3, Episode 23: Bionic House Party

- Bree mentions that some of the soldiers used her prom dress for target practice giving the impression that Bree has either already attended prom or was planning to soon. Since Bree is never seen with a stable boyfriend throughout the show it's likely that this was for her own prom. Students who attend prom are the senior class who are aged 17/18 years old. (i just wrote this and played the episodes only for Chase to say that the odds of her using it were very slim. Idk why Bree would have a prom dress if she never intends to go to prom but this could likely mean that she's a senior at the moment and already brought her dress before asking anyone to be her date) (idk use your imagination)

- Leo says that Donald is way older then he claims to be, giving the impression that throughout the show Leo has thought that Donald was younger then he really is because Donald keeps lying about his age. So far Donald has mentioned himself being 43. This would make somewhat sense if it wasn't for the memory wipe episode

- Bree says that Leo found them five friends in three years indicating that the first episode took place 3 years ago and if that episode took place in 2012 then it is currently 2015

Season 3, Episode 24: First Day Of Bionic Academy

- Bree says that she's still waiting on her sweet sixteen party meaning that Bree is at least 16 years old

- Leo has had his bionics for six months meaning it's been six months since the episode You Posted What!?! took place

- Bree mentions how she got stood up by a boy on prom night. this might be calling back to her unused prom dress

Season 4, Episode 4: Under Siege

- Leo refers to the time where Bree and Chase were looking after Kerry (Perrys niece) in the season 2 episode 18: Adam Up as "last year".

- Adam says that Leo is 16 years old

Season 4, Episode 6: Mission Mania

- Leo says he's been going on missions for over a month. His first mission would've been sometime after Rise of the Secret Soldiers

Season 4, Episode 8: Forbidden Hero

- Bree says that she has matured since high school giving off the impression that she did graduate. But it's noteworthy that none of the siblings go to school anymore and with Leo's last confirmed age being 16 he and maybe Chase should at least still be going. I can understand Chase no longer attending because there isn't much for school to teach him and he could've easily graduated early but it's odd for Leo to have just stopped especially since Tasha seems like the kind of mother to put Leos education over his bionic life. Also the last episode where we see the siblings attending school was Season 3, Episode 19: Face Off. In this episode all of the siblings were attending school. The show has never been accurate or cared about the characters ages when it comes to school and what classes they're attending so idk why i keep expecting them to subtly have Adam no longer be a student anymore or something but it was worth a try. Either way i think it's fair to say that school is giving us nothing in terms of finding out how old these characters are supposed to be.

- Also since i'm pretty sure that this is Caitlins last appearance in the show i'll mention now that she should be at least 19 years old since the Season One episode: Night Of The Living Virus mentions her sweet sixteen and with season one taking place in 2012 and this episode taking place in 2015 at the earliest, Caitlin should be at least 19. Although with that being said she was seen in Season 3 Episode 16: Alien Gladiators in school which she should've graduated by then. Again, the school setting seems to be ruining everything for me right now

Season 4, Episode 12: Space Elevator

- Chase says that their bionic secret has been out for a year meaning that it has been at least a year since Season 3 Episode 13/14: You Posted What!?! and it's been at least six months since the Bionic Academy opened

- Chase says that he went to High School for a year an a half meaning that everything that happened between the Season One, Episode One and Season Three Episode Nineteen happened within a year and a half (seems unlikely but okay)

Season 4, Episode 13: Bionic Action Hero Part 1

- Despite the fact that Leo moved up two colours in the last episode he's back to wearing the yellow shirt in this one meaning that this episode could've taken place before the last one but chances are the writers just don't care

Season 4, Episode 15: One Of Us

- We don't see Leo in his uniform in this episode but looking at the extras nobody is wearing the yellow shirt. In Season 2, Episode 12: Space Elevator all of the students moved up a colour and Leo two colours meaning that this episode takes place after the Space Elevator one definitely

- Bree says that she has 30 more years of being really cute. idk what this could tell us about her age currently but i'm taking what i can get

Season 4, Episode 18: The Curse of the Screaming Skull

- It's their first halloween at the Academy

Season 4, Episode 19: On The Edge Part 1

- Leo says that Chase named himself mission leader when he was 14 and Chase corrects him and says that he was 12. This could indicate that the trios first mission was when Chase was 14 and that's why Leo thought he named himself leader then

Season 4, Episode 20: On The Edge Part 2

- It's been two weeks since the last episode

Season 4, Episode 22: And Then There Were Four

- In the episode On The Edge, Leo becomes a mentor but for this episode he is back in his students uniform for whatever reason meaning that this episode could've taken place before On The Edge

- Douglas says that Daniel was just a baby the day that Donald took Adam Bree and Chase from him meaning that when Donald took the kids Daniel already existed

- Daniel is thirteen in this episode WHICH MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. Donald said in You Posted What!?! that he had Adam Bree and Chase for 16 years. this episode takes place at least a year after that one meaning that it should've been no less then 17 years since Donald took Adam Bree and Chase in. If Daniel already existed when Donald did this (which he did) then he should be at least 17 years old

- Bree refers to her, Adam and Chase as teenagers so they all had to have been under the age of 19 and since it was said before that Donald must've had the trio for 17 years at this point their ages should be Adam: 19 Bree: 18 and Chase: 17

- It's said that the siblings threw Chase a 16th birthday party without inviting Chase (ouch) meaning that Chase is at least 16 years old

Season 4, Episode 23: Space Colony Part 1

- Perry says that she snuck up to space with the rest of the colonists when they were sent up. The colonists have been in space for almost a month and Perrys most recent appearance was in Season 4, Episode 21: Ultimate Tailgate Challenge, meaning that it has been at least a month since that episode took place

Season 4, Episode 25: The Vanishing Part 1

- Leo is back in his mentor outfit

- Bree says that she's a teenager and doesn't even have her drivers licence yet but there's no way i'm believing that she's under the age of 16 so i'm just gonna guess that she didn't have a chance to take any tests yet

Lab Rats Elite Force

Season 1, Episode 1: The Rise Of Five

- Donald says that he used to play in the subway 40 years ago. imma say that this means that he's at least 45 years old

Season 1, Episode 3: Power Play

- Bree says that there's three teenage boys living in the penthouse meaning that Chase, Kaz and Olivier are all still teenagers

Season 1, Episode 8: Coming Through in the Clutch

- The episode is focused on an Olympic send off event where fans can go and meet Olympians before they go to the Olympic games in Rio. They mention the Olympics being the ones held in Rio multiple times throughout the episode. The Rio Olympics were held in 2016 meaning that this episode takes place sometime in the summer of 2016 making this 4 years after the first episode of Lab Rats

- Bob says that he's 14 now meaning that he wasn't during season 4 of Lab Rats

Season 1, Episode 9: The Intruder

- Aj is 10 years old

- Chase says that his birthday is August 5th

Season 1, Episode 13: Sheep-Shifting

- It's Halloween and is implied to be the Elite Forces first Halloween together

- Bree says that she's 17 (idk how)

Season 1, Episode 15: They Grow Up So Fast

- Tasha visits in this episode with Naomi. During the Season 4 finale Tasha tells the family that she's pregnant and that it's a girl. The earliest you have to be to find out the sex of your baby is around 14 weeks but Doctors generally recommend waiting until 19-20 weeks (around 4 months.) Tasha does not seem to be showing at all during the season 4 finale (probably because the actress Angel wasn't pregnant and they didn't see the need to have her wear some kind of fake bump or anything since she wasn't so far in) and you start showing around 16-20 weeks leading me to believe that she was around 14-16 weeks pregnant at the time which is around 3 months meaning that Tasha had around 6 months until Naomi was born. Tasha says that she "hasn't had a moment to herself in 11 months meaning that Naomi is 11 months old in this episode. meaning that it's been around 17 months (a year and 5 months) since Lab Rats ended

- Namoi being 11 months old means that it must've been at least that long since the Elite Force was brought together as during Season 1, Episode 5: Need For Speed Douglas says that Donald isn't with the Elite Force because he wanted to be with Tasha when the baby arrived and during Season 1, Episode 7: The List Donald send the Elite Force a box of their old things as he was turning the lab into a nursery for the new baby. Although they never say if Naomi had been born yet.

Notes

I originally had the idea of making some form of a timeline of events to try to get something out of all of this but I literally did not have enough brain cells to do so. If you want to feel free though

I don't know why I did this. For some reason I just find this fun but I'm sure that we can all agree that this timeline is fucked and makes no sense whatsoever.

Anyways... i hope you got something out of reading all of this if you did *thumbs up emoji*

#lab rats #lab rats elite force #lab rats disney xd #lab rats bionic island

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astxrwar · 6 months

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i care about quentin beck so much please keep telling us about your thoughts and ideas. i am so totally not normal about him, he just has so much potential!! i adored your third chapter of ties that bind, i love the way you write him and you have such a way with words. its just very well done and im so glad there’s at least one other person on this planet who thinks about him <3

AHHHH THANK U ILY we can be deranged about him together <3

rn i'm working on chapter 4 (which is already at fucking 7k! that's not even counting the like 4k+ miscellaneous stuff I already have written that will go in later chapters!!! im on such a writing bender rn it's insane)

manic brain puke (SO MUCH OF IT. SORRY!!! i have the normal amount of thoughts.jpeg) about the details below the cut if you're interested

buttt basically premise is there are a few scenes covering from like december to about march, next semester stuff, etc, some Plot Details (for once! lmao) about trying to figure out PhD stuff that will be Relevant later on and then when you have to stay late again in like. march. right before spring break when banner's off at a conference in toronto for two days you end up forgetting your apartment keys in his office so they're like. locked in there until he gets back. anyway basically all alternative plans end up not working out and you end up just going with quentin to his apartment which you both are sure (well HE is sure, you're less sure than you are Determined lmao. you are both fucking Wrong) will change things exactly Zero Percent.

(spoilers. it does actually change things a non-zero-percent. are you,,, perhaps,,, friends now??? unthinkable)

anyway my thoughts are basically 1. atp you guys finally exchange phone numbers 2. you both realize actually hooking up in somebody's apartment (either of yours) is way better than hooking up on the sly in the bio building and then 3. your hot water boiler goes out in may and you end up there AGAIN for like a WEEK and stuff changes MORE and then 4. there starts to be some light angst and like. non-platonic feelings on both ends. shit starts to get messy because you start thinking about doing your dissertation in stark's lab and quentin is like. "absolutely fucking not and no I won't explain why <3" because of course they have beef.

quentin did his postdoc under tony in this au lol. he hates him because tony fucked up a patent for something quentin invented during the postdoc and it lost him a lot of money; obviously tony is stupid fucking rich (he owns and funds an entire university! insanely rich) but quentin is Not so it like. kind of irreparably broke their relationship. tony feels Bad and that's why 1. quentin is tenured despite being technically too young and gets paid a stupid amount for academia; like at least 100k. 2. he's not required to take on undergraduate researchers in his lab (a hassle, requires lots of teaching, usually a requirement for academic research) and 3. doesn't technically have to take on PhD students either. but he does not really tell you any of this explicitly, the details kind of just come together over time, and he definitely does not say why the thought of you joining stark's lab has him being like "absolutely fucking not lmao". a big part of it is that quentin is like... aware that tony just kind of Collects smart people (like him, bruce banner, basically the entire staff + his PhD students and postdocs) and in quentin's stupid little emotionally stunted baby brain he's like "he can't have this one!!!! this one is mine,,, >:((" and does he communicate this at all? no! mans is pathologically allergic to normal emotional availability sldkfsd

so despite historically avoiding taking on PhD researchers he's like. I will let you do your work in my lab if you don't go join stark's lab. But then the issue becomes like... dude you can't be my PhD advisor, we're fucking. that's not allowed. even just fucking your PI (lab manager basically) is a massive no-no and if it got out it would bring into question the reliability of literally all of your research (the fact aside that Quentin would never lie about science for anything. even for love. fuck that shit the way that he cares about people is by absolutely tearing their work to pieces not by pretending bad science is good. literally why he bothers you all the fucking time That's How He Cares It's Incredibly Dysfunctional but i digress) but i'm imagining that it's not really explicitly outlawed in the official code of ethics because it's tony stark's university lmao. He Is A Whore i'm sure he's fucked a lot of his PhD students/postdocs/etc. (Im thinking of having quentin and tony maybe have a past history when he did his postdoc. bisexual quentin supremacy. but also because it adds another layer to the whole "i do not want you to be around him At All" because he knows that tony is functionally incapable of having normal relationships with students. it's the ways that they are very similar but also very different etc etc) basically it becomes a whole deeply emotionally fraught Mess. bruce banner agrees to still be your PhD advisor despite you not doing work in his lab which is uncommon but not unheard of, but it's still like. either you and Quentin need to Stop Fucking or you need to agree that you're never going to have a bad breakup (I say this as if it's even a mutually agreed upon relationship and not just two morons incapable of admitting they care about each other) because it would absolutely ruin both your careers. angst(TM)

I probably will not make it an unhappy ending because I hate those. I have no idea how I'm going to end it though tbh

#THANK U FOR INDULGING ME LSDLSJFJSDLFJSF #ask #ties that bind meta #THIS GOT REALLY LONG SORRY I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

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caluski · 3 months

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i think everything else couldve been much worse. i couldve been unemployed for far longer, i couldve ran out of money way sooner, i couldve became homeless and spiraled into addictions and such. all that stuff. but with loneliness........ in the end, its strangely comforting to think that it was really all there could be. i thought about it during my walk... and you know, while im not much better yet - i still only really talk to people at work about work things - at least i can open my mouth and hear my own voice, speaking. because having like.. no one, absolutely no one to talk to, being completely silent for days, its so horrifying.

at some point, i think it must have been december, maybe late november, i couldnt even bring myself to talk without breaking down in tears. it all feels a little foggy, now, blurred into one, but talking to myself, trying to sing on my own, anything, it felt like nothing, except for maybe trying to not let my throat go rusty. i cant even tell anymore whether i went insane or not, whether my family really couldnt tell just how desperate i was to talk to someone, to speak, like about anything, anything at all. and other than blaming myself for most of how it ended up being, i think the resentment for everyone choosing to leave me on my own will linger over my heart for a very long time. i literally openly begged people to talk to me, to see me, whenever, wherever, and yet... i cant blame anyone for not wanting to be around someone whos constantly suicidal, but i still thought that there would be at least one person who'd choose to stay and wait it out with me. i wish things were different. i know i shouldnt be surprised that no one waited for me, as life goes on and people move past you, especially if their feelings for you were never really strong to begin with... but man. i cant even really count posting on tumblr as talking - after all, most of the time, i am just here talking about myself, to myself, and im aware of that. just screaming out a million times i wanna die, i wanna die, i wanna die, doesnt exactly count as conversation. it only really felt like writing out messages on the walls of an abandoned building, where you kinda hope someone will come across it and read it... but also, its not like they'll seek you out to save you, no matter how desperate you get. more likely is that they'll nod at it and go, "oh, big mood" and keep walking.

i wish it was already over. i wish i could find.. maybe not even "new friends" or whatever, but something to ease my mind with, to help me shift focus on something useful. its really hard to motivate yourself to do anything, when youre depressed. even now, i feel like work is really draining me... i can only pray that i will find motivation in me sometime soon, or this wont end well either. sorry this isnt very optimistic of me. i dont know where i was going with this one either. i think i should just go back to work now

#pogaduchy

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kylesvariouslistsandstuff · 5 months

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EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS is such a confounding movie.

I recently watched a batch of deleted scenes, of which I wasn't aware of until rather recently. I had once listened to its director, Seth Kearsley, talk about the picture on a podcast as well. Fascinating stuff all around about its production, and all the ins and outs, how they went about their decision-making, etc. Seemed like it was a fun movie for many of its crew to work on, and they seemed to be treated well too. RARE for an animated movie of this caliber, it seems.

youtube

It has gone down, almost notoriously, as being considered one of the "worst" animated movies ever...

Weirdly, when I was 11 years old, I was lowkey OBSESSED with this movie. I didn't even know it existed until it was out on DVD, and when I watched the whole thing through, I was hooked for some reason. Maybe it was because it was, at the time, a good-sized 2D animated feature that wasn't set in the past, a fantasy world, a sci-fi setting, or anything like that. EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS wasn't IRON GIANT nor EL DORADO nor SPIRIT nor TITAN A.E. nor TREASURE PLANET... It wasn't like LILO & STITCH from the same year either, which is also a contemporary story, but that has aliens in it! And was family-friendly. This was set in the present, it was more for adults, it was just people being people with *some* cartoony elements (such as cute anthropomorphic deer and some of the exaggerated, if not demeaning character designs), it was even really semi-realistically gross in some parts (and not in the sort of, say, exaggerated REN & STIMPY way), it could've easily been a live-action Happy Madison production. But it wasn't. Many of the movie's detractors feel it should've just been done in live-action.

The movie is inspired by the Whitey character from one of Adam Sandler's comedy albums, and sometimes I feel the movie could've worked better with him as the main character and Davey a complex deuteragonist. Going through the deleted scenes, you could tell the crew went through a few ideas of just how far they wanted to push the exaggerated, cartoony stuff. What kind of jokes they thought could work or that they could get away with, etc. Certainly a cartoonish decapitation of a kid, and a monkey that explodes into a gory mess would've easily landed this thing an R rating, but they weren't going for that ultimately. You have this weird mix of a very dark and often mean movie, but it's also PG-13 and it doesn't go too far so it's more accessible to kids and still fits the bill of being a "warm holiday special" kind of movie. I do gotta give props to the filmmakers for wanting to make a big, mainstream Hanukkah movie in a sea of gazillions of Christmas movies, no matter the end result.

And yet... It worked on this fellow when they were 11 years old, so Sandler, Kearsley and his crew must've done something right! I can quote most of this, that's how obsessed I was with this movie circa December 2003-January 2004. With holiday money or something, I literally bought the VHS of it. We had it on DVD as well, but I bought a VHS for myself because back then, I did not have a DVD player in my room... So, a tape it was. It came with the live-action short A DAY WITH THE MEATBALL, starring Adam Sandler's bulldog at the time, much like the DVD.

So yeah, I find it a fascinating movie to this day, not because of its battlefield of tones (life itself is tonally uneven, too) or some of its truly strange sequences such as the one where the product placement all comes to life in the mall, but because of its history and also... The visuals are quite nice. IRON GIANT animation team involved (the boy Benjamin kinda reminded me of Hogarth anyways, of course I made the connection at a young age), and even the songs I find amusing. They got Alison Krauss to sing on at least one of them, so that's a plus. Some of the eleventh hour rushed stuff, such as the declining animation quality on the townspeople during the Bum Biddy bit, is fun to spot too. And I do overall like the premise of this movie; a relentlessly kind man who is overlooked by his community Odd Couple-ing with a total asshole who had a tragic childhood, in a sort of blah and miserable blue-collar town setting, some heavy stuff that this movie that - with more tact and less poopy jokes - could've really handled well.

I hate the term "guilty pleasure", but this could possibly be that for me. That's what I like about "bad" animated movies of the '90s and early '00s, there's usually something very interesting going on in it, whether it's through the seemingly-confused storytelling or the idiosyncratic choices in the visuals. I think with a slew of cheap live-action movies, those are indeed efforts at the end of the day, but with an animated movie... There's a lot more to it, and that it's a miracle one of these things even gets finished, let alone released. In live-action, it's just they shot a bit and did some post... With an animated film like this, a lot happens along the way, no matter the end product. It's easy to say "it's all negated by the script", but I think it's more complex than that... And that's part of what I find appealing about EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS to this day.

#Youtube

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starrypawz · 5 months

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So uh personal update, on Gender (TM) as I don't think I've talked about this that much but like decisions are being made and this is like... a journey

So basically in 2018 I refereed myself to a NHS GIC as it was like 'Oh boy I am getting the genders and maybe enough of a case I should consider like... doing something' and at the time I had like some vague 'I might be transmasc' feelings and it was like 'I might want top surgery' so like I did that

And then time passes and I sort of forgot about it and then as people know the GIC system is super backed up anyway so like help.

And it was like four years later (2022) I had a message like 'Oh hey your first appointment is coming up now' and I had like... a debate about what I should do like if I even needed to go and was advised like 'at least attend your first appointment' and then during that one it was like 'Oh we can put you forward for some gender based talking therapy at least' and that seemed like a good idea

And then yeah during this time (2018-2022) I've like tried things, like I've had a binder, I went through that 'trying to dress more masc' phase, got a trans masc haircut (tm), covid happened and I came out the other side a goth weirdo, I find I'm actually more happy being a weirdo goth who sometimes wears skirts and dresses and I think I'm agender actually.

(Also like oh boy I'm not really living in circumstances where like doing that like typical 'get on hrt and transition' thing is going to work but I did havew to check in with myself to make sure that my decisions to not medically do anything wasn't just me wussing out but it's not it's just not quite the right step)

(And then during this time it's like 'lol my gender basically is like a bag of potatoes your forgot in the back of the cupboard i don't even know what it is right now)

And then more time passes and then like earlier this year it's like 'Oh hey you can start that now' and I have a therapy intake appointment and THEN it's like the clinician I'm seeing is like 'Oh I'm leaving the service actually but I'll do your initial intake and hand that over'

THEN

And now I can't remember how things went but it's like either I had my first appointment with the clinician, started adhd meds and then we had to have an appointment a month later or i started meds, had the appointment then a month break either way there was a delay to starting the therapy that during that time I started my ADHD medication and just as you know it basically fixed my brain somewhat and I can like... actually think and shit

But yeah basically turns out I actually didn't need to talk about my gender as much as I thought, It also turned out that a lot of the like weird disassociated feelings I've had going on are like 'that's the unmedicated adhd talking' (Not all of it but yeah a lot of it was like 'neurodivergent brain struggling to cope) and yeah I've like come to the conclusion that at least at this point I don't really feel that I actually need the 'medical' interventions (like hrt and or top surgery) like I've basically worked out where I am and that yeah actually I'm good thanks (Like tbh I've never had like very intense dysphoria so like dysphoria was not a useful metric for working out my gender, it's never really been physical features of mine causing distress it's more the social/metal side of things)

And yeah then a few weeks back it was like 'Oh here's your second appointment at the end of December' and it's like 'what the heck do I do now? I'm not planning to medically transition'

And yeah I had a therapy session today and basically my current plan is

I will attend my second assessment, it's apparently a good idea to do that as it means I have another chance to talk things over with someone, also it turns out you can be discharged from the GIC and then come back which is probably a good thing to have in my pocket should like circumstances change again like have a paper trail and like just have an official closure rather than just me leaving and potentially having to like start from square one again.

Also I'm meant to have two more therapy sessions in January so like it's probably a good idea to attend at least one of those so yet again it's like can close some stuff out.

So like I'm shuffling myself out but doing so in the like sensible official way. And yeah it has been a whole thing grappling with like if I'm wasting time/space since I know so many other people are behind me waiting to get in and uh... there's probably quite a few people ahead of me who didn't make it so like I am trying to exit the service as quickly as I can it's just... I'm going at the speed of red tape here.

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roci-wolf · 2 years

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— DEATHLY HOLIDAY

lee know x fem!reader,

1st person perspective

genre: fantasy!au, fluff, spooky season themed

word count: 3,7k

warnings: VERY mild descriptions of missing body parts, mentions of death

A/N: To be fair, this whole piece is silly. But I just feel the need to specify that this is almost one year old. I wrote it as a uni assignment back in december and my professor actually liked it?? Although I know it's quite cartoonish, but this work is one of my favourites. I had a lot of fun writing it back then and it will always remain close to my heart. I know it ends abruptly, but as I said, being an assignment, I had to restrict myself. I did try rewriting it several times, but I gradually came to the conclusion that I just cannot do it: this is how it's supposed to be, so I'm leaving it like that. I know the events take place during Christmas time, but I felt like the whole vibe goes better with the spooky season so here we are. Hope you'll enojoy reading it as much as I did writing it!

Visiting the world of the dead on Christmas day isn’t quite the surprise someone would wish to wake up to, right? Well, people are different. And I am also not the type to wish for sweets or some expensive phone. Okay, maybe I do have those on my wish list, any teenager does, but they’re not on the top of it.

Who, in their right mind, would want to visit the world of the dead? Actually, what is the world of the dead?

I know, there’s a lot of stuff to unfold here. Let me introduce you to the unluckiest person on Earth and her pathetic story. No sugar-coating here.

When I was young, around seven years old, my parents suddenly died in a car accident. Or at least that’s what my sweet aunt told me on the 24th of December, right before Christmas. Yes, at seven years old I woke up on Christmas day with no parents and no presents. At eighteen years old I woke up in the Underworld. It’s starting to make a little sense, doesn’t it?

My whole life I lived in denial, thinking that my parents did not die and that my aunt was lying to me, because they had some big surprise waiting for me. Well, pretending to be dead isn’t the best way to cover up a surprise, but I tend to be very creative. With each day and year passing I became more and more desperate, until I reached that age where all hope dissipates into thin air and you realize you’ve lived all your teenage years like a regretful idiot. Bullied at school for living with my old, poor aunt, having no friends, breaking an ankle and having to give up on dance lessons, things seemed to go for the worse as I continued to grow up.

But that tiny spark of hope from my chest never actually disappeared. I fooled myself for too long to just let it go so easily. So of course, when a half-dead boy told me he knows a way for me to actually confirm if my parents are dead or not, I believed him. Friendly advice, never do that. Never trust random people that show up in your bedroom in the evening after you just came back from school. Especially if that someone is half-dead. And looks like a handsome young man in his twenties.

I can justify myself. I had a really bad day and I was on the brink of losing my sanity. So, no, I wasn’t in my right mind when I said yes to the totally not suspicious offer of helping this guy get an approval to reside in The Between as an official citizen and in exchange getting help to find my parents in The Underworld. I was dumb. I know.

As I discovered from this guy named Minho, The Between is a world designated for those lost souls that weren’t granted the honor of drifting peacefully into The Underworld for various reasons. Either they committed serious sins and didn’t repay enough for them or the reaper who had to guide them just wasn’t in the mood. Even dead beings have changing moods, as it seems.

There were some cases where souls were granted one last chance and it was their choice what to do with it. Either take it and repay your sins in order to sleep for eternity in peace or just ignore it and live in The Between as a half-dead person. Not alive, but not quite dead either. Just... existing. And this was the case for my new friend as well.

Trusting him was a very rash idea, especially after I heard everything about how the afterlife works. But if he really was entirely suspicious, he wouldn’t have told me everything, right? Of course, I didn’t have the affirmation that he spilled all the beans, but considering the state I was in at that time, no one has the right to judge the way I chose to do things.

“So”, the voice of the young man who brought me here resounded into my ears, bringing me back to the present. “How long do you plan to stare at the wall like you want to burn this whole place down? Is that wall a portal to your mental journal or something?”

I turned my head to look at him with gritted teeth. As much as he annoyed me, I needed his help. And we made a promise. And I dislike breaking promises.

"You're exceptionally rude for a dead person".

"Technically, I am not entirely dead."

"But you are entirely unbearable."

He scoffed, turning his head to the other side. The problem was, there was nothing interesting there. Just another plain wall with a faded poster on it. I wouldn't expect more from an elevator that brings you to the afterlife. One day you're just chilling, drinking your coffee on the terrace of your house and the next day you discover some people can summon elevators to Hell. There are many mysteries in this world.

"We're here", his voice sounded thankful, like he couldn't wait to get out of that elevator.

I also couldn't bear to stand there any longer. The Christmas carols were making the whole situation even eerier and it made my insides hurt. Was it fear? Anger? Confusion? Maybe a mix of all of them at once. As I was standing there, in the large elevator that was descending to The Between, I realized just how weird the cycle of life is. We just randomly appear into existence without being questioned beforehand if we actually want to be here, then we crawl through life pretending we enjoy it, and then… and then we go back into nothingness. Or that's what I thought until a few days ago when I first met Minho, a soul who wasn't allowed to reside either on Earth or in The Underworld. He didn’t show it at first, but he was lonely and he was very desperate. And that must mean that life — if I could call it that — in The Underworld and in The Between wasn’t that scary.

“Can you tell me what exactly am I supposed to do in order to make that... uh...”

“Reaper.”

“Right... how do I convince that reaper to give you permission to reside in The Between?”

He turned around, hands in his pockets and expressionless. Minho didn’t seem that old, but from the way he was dressed, in cloth trousers and a silk shirt, he most likely died long ago. He wasn’t wearing many accessories, but his golden wristwatch was another detail that could betray his age. Even if he roamed the Earth for so long, he just refused to adapt to the changes of everyday life. Not that he was allowed to do it, anyway.

Before descending into The Between, Minho didn’t give me many details regarding how a mortal person could get entangled in the affairs of the dead and get out with a positive result, so I was kind of confused. He assured me many times that I was the secret key he had been looking for all along. I doubted it all at first, naturally, but I felt like it had something to do with my parents. Since no one had told me anything about them, I was suspicious. My old grandaunt wouldn’t go into detail every time I would ask her about my parents, like I was forbidden from learning the past of the people who brought me into this world. And Minho was the first person, even if dead, that was willing to help me. It actually looked like he knew something I didn’t, which made me even more curious and suspicious. Plus, if there was ever the possibility of me not coming back to the world of the living, it’s not like I was leaving much behind.

“You’ll paint.”

“I will paint?”

“Yes”, he waited for me to reach him. He wasn’t that tall, but it was hard to keep up with his pace. “I thought mortals still call it that nowadays? Or is the process of you filling a canvas with color not called painting anymore? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a lot of drawings in your room.”

“I know you’re half ghost or whatever, but that doesn’t give you the permission to rummage in a stranger's room.” I said, trying to catch his eyes. He wasn’t even sparing me a glance, as if I wasn’t that important to be given the honor.

“I didn’t have to. You are not the most organized person I know.”

I waved my hand aimlessly, trying to remove his mischievous remarks.

“I just cannot understand what a reaper could do with a painting. Do you have art expositions in the world of the dead?”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Wow”, I said, shaking my head. “The Underworld and The Between seem much more ordinary than I thought.”

“I wouldn’t say so”, he finally took a hand out of his pocket to check his watch. “Time here passes differently than on Earth. Day and night are the same thing, there’s no sky and everyone has a job they have to complete according to how much they accomplished in the living world.”

I raised my head while he was talking and I let out a shocked gasp. He was right. The sky was just plain blackness. No moon, no stars, nothing. But it also didn’t look like a ceiling. It was just an eternity of darkness.

“I thought good people would have a better view in the afterlife.”

“The sky looks different to everyone. Since you’re not dead yet, you don’t see anything at all.”

“Oh... Then what do you see?”

He stopped and I almost hit my head on his shoulder. He took me by surprise by turning his head and looking me in the eyes. I felt a shiver down my spine. His eyes were blue, the darkest shade I’ve ever seen in a person’s eyes. He smiled, but it didn’t look honest at all.

“I don’t see anything either”, he said. “Since I’m only half dead.”

“That’s sad.”

“Not really. Once you’re made an official resident, The Between is said to be much better, anyway.”

I didn’t answer because I was trying to scan my surroundings. The elevator, which Minho called unironically Hellevator, brought us to a completely deserted place. I feel like this way of coming into The Between wasn’t something legal, because me and Minho stepped into a weird looking alley. The air was very humid; it smelled like rotten flesh.

There was noise not so far away.

He raised his hand with his palm up.

“I don’t think dancing in a stinky alley in the afterlife is a very wise idea.”

“That’s not it, idiot”, he shot me a deathly glare. “I’m asking you to hold on to me. It’s going to get crowded.”

“Oh, what a gentleman. When were you born, in the 19th century?”

“I don’t plan on giving you history lectures”, Minho took my hand against my will, but he held it gently. His brown locks were blocking his eyes, but the dark blue in them sent shivers through my body nonetheless. I knew he was doing his best on keeping his composure while talking to me and the fact that he was succeeding made my fear decrease by a degree. Whatever he had done when he had been alive, he didn’t seem like a bad person.

“I’m pretty sure your life was so boring, the reaper just wanted to make the afterlife more interesting for you by giving you a hard time”, I followed in his quick steps making sure not to trip on my own legs. “He seems the type to be into anything that proves to be entertaining, since you said a painting could convince him to change his mind.”

“I’ll make sure to make the rest of your life as interesting as it can be after we get out of here”, he squeezed my hand, but his good manners didn’t allow him to do it too hard.

“I can’t wait.”

Christmas is such a powerful holiday that it can follow you even after you die. Talk about being eternal.

As Minho warned me, we reached a crowded boulevard. There were dead souls everywhere, taking the form of their physical bodies from the moment they died, so the view that greeted me was not something an eight year old child would like to see when he goes caroling. I saw men with no hands, a woman with only one eye, burned faces and many other atrocities I’m not really inclined to describe. But that wasn’t what made the atmosphere so sinister, but the fact that those last souls were singing. Christmas carols were present not only in the Hellevator, but also on the streets of The Between. Small kids that had had the misfortune of dying young were wearing Santa hats bought from ghostly stores that were also decorated. Transparent figures were passing through me, screaming the lyrics of what I recognized as Wham!’s Last Christmas, but very distorted, almost sounding like the soundtrack of a horror movie. I moved closer to Minho unconsciously, hoping that his body could hide my presence, but my physical, breathing and full of life body was too obvious in the crowd of dead souls, so they were staring right at me.

When I asked Minho how it was possible that Christmas was present even here, he told me that some dead souls were holding on so much to their beliefs that the afterlife didn't succeed in stripping them of these childish traditions. Even though it was all meaningless now, since The Between was only a place where souls were just fooling themselves.

I held my eyes partially closed for the rest of the expedition through ghosts. I chose to keep the little drop of innocence left in me unblemished.

Minho let go of my hand once we arrived at a huge building. It looked a lot like the British parliament building, but much smaller. I realized I was staring at it too much when I sensed Minho’s presence was missing. He was already climbing up the stairs.

There weren’t any guards there, which I found quite suspicious, but I reminded myself I was in a world where the citizens weren’t either dead or alive and there wasn’t much a guard could threaten trespassers with.

That childish thought of mine was immediately erased when I caught up with Minho and a huge shadow covered us both. I didn’t scream, although I really felt the need to, but instead I covered my mouth and stood rooted to the spot, paralyzed. That huge shadow was created by a creature I didn’t really think I would ever meet, even though I’d already seen things nobody has.

Minho was not surprised by the slightest. He was still standing in front of the big mahogany doors, hands in his pockets, unfazed. For a moment I wondered how many times he found himself helplessly in front of these doors, trying again and again to gain something that seemed so unreacheable for him.

My line of thought was caught off when the impolite gargoyle decided to land messily beside Minho.

“I think this is the third century I’m telling you to just give it up”, the stone figure spoke up. I looked at it, blinking, then I moved my gaze on Minho. The boy just brushed the comment off with his hand, clicking his tongue.

“And I thought we became best friends in the meantime. You really disappointed me today.”

“I don’t befriend sinners”, the gargoyle’s expression didn’t move an inch, not even his mouth, but the annoyance in his tone was too obvious.

“That’s a pity, since this place is filled with them”, Minho extended his arms as if to prove his point.

“Not my problem. Move past.”

“You see, this is why you’re so grumpy all the time. You should really make some friends.”

“I don’t need friends. The word of my master is enough.”

“Yeah, whatever”, Minho turned to me.

The careless, defiant attitude he showed me on the day I first met him came back, but it seemed to be controlled by desperation this time. Or I was probably seeing it now because I was aware of his situation.

“I have a present for that master of yours.”

The gargoyle’s head tilted almost imperceptibly.

“That’s a new one. What could a sinner like you bring here and please my master?”

That was the moment I knew something was not right. Minho didn’t move his gaze from my eyes, staring right into them. His blue irises pierced my being, as if reading my every thought, my every fear, all my dark secrets and insecurities even my own conscience didn’t know about. And then the corner of his mouth rose in a sly grin.

“His daughter.”

Flashback to that paragraph where I said to never trust a handsome half dead young man in his twenties. He doesn’t even need to be half dead, actually, that’s just an unfortunate bonus that I got as a Christmas present.

“This wasn’t on our contract.”

“We do not have a contract.”

“It’s an imaginary contract. It’s stored in my mind, and there’s even your signature on it too!”, I refrained myself from speaking too loudly, because the room me and Minho got sent was too big and every little sound was echoing perfectly.

“You’re crazier than the ghost that sells Christmas hats on the boulevard”, he looked at me with one eyebrow up, as if contemplating if I was actually the person he needed for his case.

“At least I’m not a liar.”

“I never lied to you.”

“But I don’t remember this piece of information either”, I crossed my arms, hiding the fear that was slowly creeping into my being. Trying to act tough can do the trick most of the time. “I am pretty sure my dad was not a Reaper.”

Minho ruffled his brown locks with one hand, then looked at me with his dark blue gaze.

“He’s not. But humans can become Reapers after they die. Remember how I told you that every soul is given a task after they die according to how they lived on Earth? Souls can be given the task to guide others into the judgment court, which is in this building. But no, the Reaper that judged me isn’t your father.”

“Then what the hell do I have to do with this whole situation?”

He looked down at his feet.

“You’ll have to paint a portrait. A self portrait, to be exact.”

“What, he fell in love with me or something? Are Reapers allowed to do that?”

“As much as I would love to suitably answer to your sarcastic remarks, this is not the right time”, he made a few steps until he was right in front of me. There was no scent coming from his body and his eyes seemed glossier than usual. “When I told you that you’re the person I’ve been looking for all this time, I wasn’t lying. That Reaper had a daughter when he was still alive, but she died before her twentieth birthday, which was coincidentally on Christmas. He commited suicide after that, which lead him here. Killing himself was a grave sin, so he was given the task of guiding and analyzing other souls' lives as a punishment. He’s reminded everyday of the two lives that he lost.”

“That’s…”

I couldn’t continue, because I wasn’t even capable of finding the right words. The cruelty of the cycle of life seemed even more real.

“But… isn’t his daughter here?”

He shook his head.

“No. She died of an illness, but she had been a good person in her short period of breathing. She went to The Underworld, and he is stuck here.”

“Wow”, I managed to whisper, still processing the information.

“Yeah. And you’re what I need because.. You look exactly like her. Some souls from The Underworld can be reborn, and you’re now the new possessor of her soul.”

I blinked. And blinked again.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Wow.”

“Mhm.”

Minho patted me on the back gently and left the room without a word. When we were tossed here, the painting materials were already prepared. I looked at them with my mind lost in a thick fog and I sat in front of the tall easel.

The portrait was done earlier than I expected. The brush fell from my numb hand with a small thud. I tried to recreate what I see daily in the mirror as accurately as possible. I’d never done a self portrait until that day, but I did unexpectedly well.

A knock made me startle and come back into reality.

“I’m… I’m done.”

The door opened and Minho came in with a curious look on his face.

“Can I see it?” he tried hiding the excitement in his tone, but the corners of his mouth were slightly raised, which made him look like a happy cat.

I encouraged him with a wave of my hand. He walked confidently to me and he looked at the painting expectantly.

“It looks exactly like her”, he whispered, looking dazed. I found his sparkling eyes a little odd, but I didn’t give it much thought.

“I’ll go give it to him. You did an amazing job.”

“Thanks.”

He looked at me gently, an expression I never expected from him. It made his features seem softer.

“I’ll ask about your parents as well. He most certainly knows what happened to them.”

He sighed, making a short pause.

“Thank you. Really, I kind of forced you into this and your reward isn’t enough for what you had to go through.”

I shook my head, feeling too tired to think too much. Everything was just too overwhelming.

“It’s fine

“I’ll send you a letter in a few days with the information I managed to gather.”

“Thanks.”

Minho looked at me once more with a big grin on his face.

“What?”

“You know, I never told you what was the sin that brought me in this situation.”

“You don’t need to tell me.”

“I tried to revive a dead soul before it reached The Underworld.”

I raised my head, all the haziness that dominated me a second ago dissipating into thin air.

“And she looked exactly like you.”

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