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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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What Does Our "Motivations” PSA Mean?

@luminalalumini said:

I've been on your blog a lot and it has a lot of really insightful information, but I notice a theme with some of your answers where you ask the writer reaching out what their 'motivation for making a character a certain [race/religion/ethnicity/nationality] is' and it's discouraging to see, because it seems like you're automatically assigning the writer some sort of ulterior motive that must be sniffed out and identified before the writer can get any tips or guidance for their question. Can't the 'motive' simply be having/wanting to have diversity in one's work? Must there be an 'ulterior motive'? I can understand that there's a lot of stigma and stereotypes and bad influence that might lead to someone trynna add marginalized groups into their stories for wrong reasons, but people that have those bad intentions certainly won't be asking for advice on how to write good representation in the first place. Idk its just been something that seemed really discouraging to me to reach out myself, knowing i'll automatically be assigned ulterior motives that i don't have and will probably have to justify why i want to add diversity to my story as if i'm comitting some sort of crime. I don't expect you guys to change your blog or respond to this or even care all that much, I'm probably just ranting into a void. I'm just curious if theres any reason to this that I haven't realized exists I suppose. I don't want y'all to take this the wrong way because I do actually love and enjoy your blog's advice in spite of my dumb griping. Cheers :))

We assume this is in reference to the following PSA:

PSA to all of our users - Motivation Matters: This lack of clarity w/r to intent has been a general issue with many recent questions. Please remember that if you don’t explain your motivations and what you intend to communicate to your audience with your plot choices, character attributes, world-building etc., we cannot effectively advise you beyond the information you provide. We Are Not Mind Readers. If, when drafting these questions, you realize you can’t explain your motivations, that is likely a hint that you need to think more on the rationales for your narrative decisions. My recommendation is to read our archives and articles on similar topics for inspiration while you think. I will be attaching this PSA to all asks with similar issues until the volume of such questions declines.

We have answered this in three parts.

1. Of Paved Roads and Good Intentions

Allow me to give you a personal story, in solidarity towards your feelings:

When I began writing in South Asia as an outsider, specifically in the Kashmir and Lahore areas, I was doing it out of respect for the cultures I had grown up around. I did kathak dance, I grew up on immigrant-cooked North Indian food, my babysitters were Indian. I loved Mughal society, and every detail of learning about it just made me want more. The minute you told me fantasy could be outside of Europe, I hopped into the Mughal world with two feet. I was 13. I am now 28.

And had you asked me, as a teenager, what my motives were in giving my characters’ love interests blue or green eyes, one of them blond hair, my MC having red-tinted brown hair that was very emphasized, and a whole bunch of paler skinned people, I would have told you my motives were “to represent the diversity of the region.”

I’m sure readers of the blog will spot the really, really toxic and colourist tropes present in my choices. If you’re new here, then the summary is: giving brown people “unique” coloured eyes and hair that lines up with Eurocentric beauty standards is an orientalist trope that needs to be interrogated in your writing. And favouring pale skinned people is colourist, full stop.

Did that make me a bad person with super sneaky ulterior motives who wanted to write bad representation? No.

It made me an ignorant kid from the mostly-white suburbs who grew up with media that said brown people had to “look unique” (read: look as European as possible) to be considered valuable.

And this is where it is important to remember that motives can be pure as you want, but you were still taught all of the terrible stuff that is present in society. Which means you’re going to perpetuate it unless you stop and actually question what is under your conscious motive, and work to unlearn it. Work that will never be complete.

I know it sounds scary and judgemental (and it’s one of the reasons we allow people to ask to be anonymous, for people who are afraid). Honestly, I would’ve reacted much the same as a younger writer, had you told me I was perpetuating bad things. I was trying to do good and my motives were pure, after all! But after a few years, I realized that I had fallen short, and I had a lot more to learn in order for my motives to match my impact. Part of our job at WWC is to attempt to close that gap.

We aren’t giving judgement, when we ask questions about why you want to do certain things. We are asking you to look at the structural underpinnings of your mind and question why those traits felt natural together, and, more specifically, why those traits felt natural to give to a protagonist or other major character.

I still have blond, blue-eyed characters with sandy coloured skin. I still have green-eyed characters. Because teenage me was right, that is part of the region. But by interrogating my motive, I was able to devalue those traits within the narrative, and I stopped making those traits shorthand for “this is the person you should root for.”

It opened up room for me to be messier with my characters of colour, even the ones who my teenage self would have deemed “extra special.” Because the European-associated traits (pale hair, not-brown-eyes) stopped being special. After years of questioning, they started lining up with my motive of just being part of the diversity of the region.

Motive is important, both in the conscious and the subconscious. It’s not a judgement and it’s not assumed to be evil. It’s simply assumed to be unquestioned, so we ask that you question it and really examine your own biases.

~Mod Lesya

2. Motivations Aren't Always "Ulterior"

You can have a positive motivation or a neutral one or a negative one. Just wanting to have diversity only means your characters aren't all white and straight and cis and able-bodied -- it doesn't explain why you decided to make this specific character specifically bi and specifically Jewish (it me). Yes, sometimes it might be completely random! But it also might be "well, my crush is Costa Rican, so I gave the love interest the same background", or "I set it in X City where the predominant marginalized ethnicity is Y, so they are Y". Neither of these count as ulterior motives. But let's say for a second that you did accidentally catch yourself doing an "ulterior." Isn't that the point of the blog, to help you find those spots and clean them up?

Try thinking of it as “finding things that need adjusting” rather than “things that are bad” and it might get less scary to realize that we all do them, subconsciously. Representation that could use some work is often the product of subconscious bias, not deliberate misrepresentation, so there's every possibility that someone who wants to improve and do better didn't do it perfectly the first time.

--Shira

3. Dress-Making as a Metaphor

I want to echo Lesya’s sentiments here but also provide a more logistical perspective. If you check the rubber stamp guide here and the “Motivation matters” PSA above, you’ll notice that concerns with respect to asker motivation are for the purposes of providing the most relevant answer possible.

It is a lot like if someone walks into a dressmaker’s shop and asks for a blue dress/ suit (Back when getting custom-made clothes was more of a thing) . The seamstress/ tailor is likely to ask a wide variety of questions:

What material do you want the outfit to be made of?

Where do you plan to wear it?

What do you want to highlight?

How do you want to feel when you wear it?

Let’s say our theoretical customer is in England during the 1920s. A tartan walking dress/ flannel suit for the winter is not the same as a periwinkle, beaded, organza ensemble/ navy pinstripe for formal dress in the summer. When we ask for motivations, we are often asking for exactly that: the specific reasons for your inquiry so we may pinpoint the most pertinent information.

The consistent problem for many of the askers who receive the PSA is they haven’t even done the level of research necessary to know what they want to ask of us. It would be like if our English customer in the 1920s responded, “IDK, some kind of blue thing.” Even worse, WWC doesn’t have the luxury of the back-and-forth between a dressmaker and their clientele. If our asker doesn’t communicate all the information they need in mind at the time of submission, we can only say, “Well, I’m not sure if this is right, but here’s something. I hope it works, but if you had told us more, we could have done a more thorough job.”

Answering questions without context is hard, and asking for motivations, by which I mean the narratives, themes, character arcs and other literary devices that you are looking to incorporate, is the best way for us to help you, while also helping you to determine if your understanding of the problem will benefit from outside input. Because these asks are published with the goal of helping individuals with similar questions, the PSA also serves to prompt other users.

I note that asking questions is a skill, and we all start by asking the most basic questions (Not stupid questions, because to quote a dear professor, “There are no stupid questions.”). Unfortunately, WWC is not suited for the most basic questions. To this effect, we have a very helpful FAQ and archive as a starting point. Once you have used our website to answer the more basic questions, you are more ready to approach writing with diversity and decide when we can actually be of service. This is why we are so adamant that people read the FAQ. Yes, it helps us, but it also is there to save you time and spare you the ambiguity of not even knowing where to start.

The anxiety in your ask conveys to me a fear of being judged for asking questions. That fear is not something we can help you with, other than to wholeheartedly reassure you that we do not spend our unpaid, free time answering these questions in order to assume motives we can’t confirm or sit in judgment of our users who, as you say, are just trying to do better.

Yes, I am often frustrated when an asker’s question makes it clear they haven’t read the FAQ or archives. I’ve also been upset when uncivil commenters have indicated that my efforts and contributions are not worth their consideration. However, even the most tactless question has never made me think, “Ooh this person is such a naughty racist. Let me laugh at them for being a naughty racist. Let me shame them for being a naughty racist. Mwahaha.”

What kind of sad person has time for that?*

Racism is structural. It takes time to unlearn, especially if you’re in an environment that doesn’t facilitate that process to begin with. Our first priority is to help while also preserving our own boundaries and well-being. Though I am well aware of the levels of toxic gas-lighting and virtue signaling that can be found in various corners of online writing communities in the name of “progressivism*”, WWC is not that kind of space. This space is for discussions held in good faith: for us to understand each other better, rather than for one of us to “win” and another to “lose.”

Just as we have good faith that you are doing your best, we ask that you have faith that we are trying to do our best by you and the BIPOC communities we represent.

- Marika.

*If you are in any writing or social media circles that feed these anxieties or demonstrate these behaviors, I advise you to curtail your time with them and focus on your own growth. You will find, over time, that it is easier to think clearly when you are worrying less about trying to appease people who set the bar of approval so high just for the enjoyment of watching you jump. “Internet hygiene”, as I like to call it, begins with you and the boundaries you set with those you interact with online.

#PSAs #asker concerns #diversity #motivations in writing #writing with diversity #blog housekeeping #internet hygeine #asks #WWC

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traincat · 3 years

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Hey, what do you make of Peter following Gwen around after their breakup in TASM2?

Okay, this is a tough one because, like, I don't want to be like, yay stalking, but like, in the specific context of this scene, I'm gonna be a little bit like that. Not real life stalking, before someone comes into my inbox like, "Traincat, are you glorifying stalking?" I'm not! I've been followed for multiple blocks in NYC on several different occasions so believe me I know this behavior, in real life, is not excusable. But we're talking about a fictional character in a movie so I think it depends on what we mean when you say what do I make of it. I'm going to be talking about it purely in terms of how I'm judging most Spider-Man adaptations, which is on a scale of how true I feel they are to the original comics, not on a 1:1 adaptation ratio but on whether or not I feel they captured they spirit of the series, setting, and character.

So I have to say that I think it's a good scene because I think it's ultimately very in character for Peter. I also think it's an interesting scene because while the films are primarily through Peter's perspective -- we know his intentions while he's following Gwen around are benevolent, if overbearing -- it also allows the audience enough room to step back and to see that he's a flawed character. Which I think is one of the problems some Spider-Man fans have with The Amazing Spider-Man series: it presents Peter as a flawed hero. Prime example? He's kind of stalking his ex-girlfriend.

Do I think this is objectively great behavior from anyone? No, and I don't think we're necessarily supposed to approve of his actions. I really don't think TASM's goal was to make us agree with everything Peter does. On the other hand, do I think it is in fact hugely in character for Peter? Listen. Peter Parker's a little bit of a stalker.

(Daily Bugle #2)

(ASM Annual #42)

(ASM #596)

Don't bug your friends and family. I mean, unless your friends and family are constantly being kidnapped by supervillains. Then I guess it's like "find my iPhone."

One of the things I've talked about with Peter in terms of how he's a flawed character -- and I very much think that he is and that that's a good thing -- is that he can be controlling. It's the flipside of the responsibility: because Peter has more power than other people in his life, he assumes responsibility for them, whether they like it or not. This is, from an objective point of view, some real machismo bullshit, but with a fictional character as well-developed as Spider-Man, I think it's an interesting character note that leads to potentially interesting friction between him and his supporting cast. TASM's Peter follows this same general path; although I don't think he's a 1:1 adaptation of 616 Peter, I would say he's essentially assembled of all the same parts. And that includes his tendency to make decisions for other people.

I've seen the bit where he's following Gwen brought up a lot, and I'm not saying it shouldn't be, but what I find interesting is that Peter's behavior immediately before it in the movie is almost never dissected in the same way. When we pick up with him at the beginning of the movie, he is controlling towards Gwen. We know in the gap between The Amazing Spider-Man and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that they've had an on and off again relationship, with several breakups -- all, it's implied, facilitated by him, because he feels guilty over her father's death and George Stacy's last words, which asked him to promise to leave Gwen alone. (I have a different post about how it's interesting that the audience seems to side with Peter and agree that he should listen to George's desires for him to leave Gwen alone instead of Gwen's desires for Peter to be with her here, but it's a little off topic for this particular discussion.) This follows the ending of the first movie, where Peter breaks up with Gwen and then appears to get back together with her at the last moment. It's all Peter's decision, on his own, made largely if not entirely without Gwen's input. He certainly knows her feelings, it's just that they don't actually factor into his decision making when we pick up at the beginning of the movie. And that's a bad thing and I don't think, at least from my perspective, the audience is supposed to agree with him -- not because they want Peter and Gwen to be together, either, but because Peter is in the wrong.

Which is why I think the "I break up with you" scene is really interesting -- from the way Peter continually talks over Gwen -- his loudly going "wait, WAIT" over her while she's trying to express her side -- to the way Gwen wrests back control by breaking up with him and that breakup sticking for the majority of the movie. Which leads us into the montage scene where Peter's swinging around New York, including the clip where he's following Gwen from the rooftops. The viewer knows why he's doing it -- because he wants to make sure she's safe, but also because he wants to be able to see her on his own terms, without letting her have that control. The flipside of great responsibility is great control issues.

I'm going to say something potentially controversial, but I think some of the pushback against The Amazing Spider-Man franchise is that they're Girl Movies. They're the chick flicks of the superhero set. Look at the set up of the first kiss compared to Raimi's Spider-Man -- he doesn't shed his shy public persona to manfully rescue the damsel in distress from thugs while the rain pours down around them and she isn't so overcome that she has to kiss him upside down. (Look, it's an iconic kiss scene! I value it for its contributions of the pop culture landscape! But the cold pouring rain does conveniently provide the audience with a little PG-13 Heroine Nipple Action.) Instead it happens on Gwen's rooftop after Peter gets done arguing with her dad about politics at The World's Most Awkward Family Dinner. If anyone gets a little PG-13 nipple action, it's Peter when he has to shuck his shirt so Gwen can tenderly wipe down his gross lizard sewer wounds while she wears a pristine white nightgown. I've mentioned before that I don't think "superhero" shouldn't really be viewed as a genre in and of itself when we're judging what makes a superhero movie "good" because most superhero films are action films mixed with another genre -- sci-fi, Western, war movies, and then there's The Amazing Spider-Man/2, which are romances. They're the Twilight of superhero films. That's why Andrew Garfield gets to have such great hair. And that's why they fall back on tropes like "the hero staring longingly at the love of his life from far away, knowing He Can Never Be With Her." Cue the music. And it works, because Spider-Man is, essentially, a romantic hero, with all the pros and cons that come with that. Is it problematic? I mean, yeah, if we're supposed to agree that Peter's in the right, which I would argue is debatable, even if Gwen, when they get back together, seems to get over him following her really quick. Romantic stalking is a well established trope -- and whether or not it should be or whether it glorifies abusive behavior is a related but different conversation to viewing this scene on its own, through my preferred lens of: does this scene belong in a Spider-Man movie?

Yeah, because, and I say this extremely lovingly, he sucks. If Peter is supposed to be a perfect character, then of course he shouldn't do this, and this scene shouldn't be in the movie. But he's not a perfect character -- he's a very flawed one, and it's an in character scene.

#peter parker #tasm #tasm2 #traincat talks comics #long post/

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funkymbtifiction · 2 years

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Type questioning again, sorry! (Between ESFJ and ISFJ for MBTI, between 2, 3, and 6 for enneagram)

MBTI: How can I tell if I'm actually an EFJ but just have some social anxiety? I wish I could be smooth and composed all the time and I feel like I'm the least "perfectly Fe-dom" in that way out of all the EFJs I know so maybe I have inferior Ne and I'm ISFJ because I struggle with spontaneity? <- J's aren't that spontaneous

I use Fe the most but I also have fine-tuned myself for others for a long time. <- this sounds like EFJ for sure, esp. the over-adjustment to others' needs and expectations

I think I might have inferior Ne because when my Fi-using friend made a decision about our relationship without much explanation I had to vent to others and ask "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?" <- but that's your thinking function, spinning its wheels, trying to "make sense of it" / asking why, which is Ti

I think that could be inferior Ne. Only problem with all of this is, I used to struggle with organization which leads me to the bizarre thought that I'm an ENTP in a Fe-Si grip. <- nope; more likely a Fe-Si all the time ;)

Also, my brain only remembers what it wants to remember, like relational/social things or philosophical ideas. <- social / Fe/Ne

So I'm between ESFJ and ISFJ mainly, but oddly ENxP feels possible too. I know I use Ne (can you tell? I'm all over the place with this description!!!) I also think I might be Ne because I ask for other people's input on everything, including my future career choices and decisions. <- this can be Fe, low Ne, or 6 (self-doubt, so looking for others to guide you); an ESFJ can be this way

My mom (ENTP 6w7) and I were talking about how she named me, and I was SO shocked that she didn't feel like she needed everyone else in the family's approval on my name before she chose it. I was thinking along the lines of, "If I were choosing a name for a child, I would want my loved ones to think it was a good choice too so that everyone is pleased AND the name is a good one." <- you have more Fe than she does, it's a way of life for you, this NEED to have everyone happy / keep them all happy; ENTPs don't prioritize this

ENNEAGRAM: I am either a 2, a 3, or a 6. I'm worried I'm not socially spontaneous or competent enough to be a social 3. I want harmony and inclusion and a consensus at all times and unfortunately it's not what I'm getting. <- harmony can be 2ish, 9ish, or 6ish; 3s are assertive types and more concerned with their goals, although they are influenced by what others think

I gave a long presentation today where the audience wasn't engaged and I was trying so hard to do what I should do and make them feel welcome but I think I didn't sound "together" enough. This is why I can't be a 3 -- I'm not perfect at image management. <- (I get a lot of ESFJ energy from you, btw; your tert-Ne is loud, the way it tends to be in an ESJ type.) I have heard 2s described as focusing on the only person in the audience who isn't responding to them in the way that they want (ignoring all the ones who are invested/nodding). Something to think about.

I used to be more confrontational, but it was a looooong time ago. I don't think my difficult year when I was nine or ten (WAY back) should define my type, but I feel like I was more of a 2 core and 1-fixer back then. I disintegrated to type eight after a lot of people pleasing and trying to fit in and not having my efforts noticed or reciprocated, and I still get resentful about it, but I feel very passive now.

This would be consistent with 2. They are somewhat assertive.

I am more recriminating of myself than others, because of how they might feel if they found out I had a somewhat judgmental nature. <- this is EFJ. Assuming your feelings have to stay positive for everyone else's benefit, chastising yourself for having negative thoughts about other people (what if they found out how I feel about them? it would be hurtful and I don't want to hurt them! I must be a bad person!).

[...] I feel very extroverted naturally, but when I'm around ExTPs that I don't know well, I get worried that they think I'm boring or fake or uptight so I try my very best to adjust to them to make them feel like the conversation is going well, but I don't think I'm perfect at it. <- more EFJ behaviors.

I do this equalizing thing where whenever someone is like "OMG! How are you so together? How do you pull everything off?," I am flattered but I want that person to know that we're the same in that nobody's always together! I am just like them -- I pull all-nighters and overthink and worry and feel uncertain about the future and fail sometimes too! <- this sounds 6ish. Self-deprecating and "we're all the same, please like me for how normal I am," rather than the pride of being needed / looked up to that 2s struggle with. So much social anxiety could be coming from an so/sp stacking, as well as being a 6 and second-guessing yourself too much.

[...] I want to be on everyone's team, because there was once a time where I needed people on my team, and I've seen others struggle with exclusion so I want people to feel like they matter. <- being a nice person, but also an EFJ.

My guess? ESFJ 6w7 / 629.

#question #mbti #esfj

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renegadewangs · 3 years

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Van Zieks - the Examination, Part 1

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I'm outlining stems from my own views and experiences. I am a 30-something European woman, and therefore may not view the matter from certain angles. That said, I'm always open to more input from others. If you believe that I've missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. If we can make this a team effort, I would love that.

The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. I am of the firm belief that characters are no more than a tool created to serve a narrative purpose, therefore the question I'm posing is whether or not Barok van Zieks serves this purpose. That's all I'm doing here.

I'm using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what's said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent.

It doesn't matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. He's not real anyway, so he can't suffer from it. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people. If you know you're morally in the right, there should be no need for insults to begin with. Let's keep this conversation civil and constructive! As the first post in a series, let’s first start by examining the expectations we would have for a character like this. The purpose he was meant to serve.

1: Expectations

As I said in a different Barok-related essay, the main prosecutor of any Ace Attorney game has been, and always will be, an antagonistic force. Not a villain, not even necessarily someone who exhibits immoral traits. (Hi Klavier!) Just someone who impedes the protag’s goal of getting a not-guilty verdict. In order to have an effective antagonist, they need to mirror the protag's weaknesses back at them. Ace Attorney does this quite well, as the prosecutors represent the obstacle/turmoil that the defense needs to overcome. Often times, the prosecutor is also tied to a pivotal moment in the attorney's past, making sure the strife is quite personal.

Considering the game's plot and settings, it would've been difficult for Barok to be tied to Ryunosuke's past. (He is tied to Asogi's past, funnily enough, but that's a matter I also addressed in that other Barok essay.) So instead, Barok represents Ryunosuke's struggle in more of a figurehead capacity. I've seen people dub him the 'CEO of Racism', and I'm not gonna lie, in a way that's correct. Barok was designed to be the mouthpiece of the harmful sentiments Japanese exchange students would have encountered in the 1900s. By extension, since Ryunosuke is an exchange student unfamiliar with the British courts (or even courts in general), the prosecutor would target the fact that Ryunosuke 'does not understand how things are done here'. Which he does- a lot. This makes it all the more satisfying when Ryunosuke proves him wrong by outsmarting him and using Britain's own laws (such as the closing argument) against him. So yes, you may hate Barok for uttering racist sentiments and dismissing Ryunosuke's abilities, but the ultimate goal here is that Barok's defeat is made sweeter as a result. The narrative end-game is Ryunosuke's triumph and validation in the courtroom.

Was there a different personal struggle Barok could have represented? Yes, but also no. Sure, his vendetta could have been strictly with the Asogi family and Ryunosuke could have admitted to carrying Asogi's resolve, not knowing what it meant. Though that would’ve implied very early that Asogi had a history of sorts in Britain and would’ve destroyed some of the surprise we experience in game 2. Alternatively, there was also the 'parallel' antagonist angle. The sort of villain who says the line “we're not so different, you and I.” The antagonist who shows what happens when someone with the same skills or motivations follows the wrong path, which emphasizes the right path for the protagonist. However, I can't see that working in the plot of this game.

A purposeful decision was made by the writers to have prejudice be a central theme of the plot. This is the matter that hits the hardest in an emotional sense. Therefore, having Barok be the centerpiece of this prejudice ensures he leaves the biggest narrative impact.

---

However, another long-running aspect of the AA prosecutor is the redemption arc, so let's turn our attention to that!

I'm not going to put too much effort into explaining this, I just want to talk about the requirements of a redemption arc. We all know these types of arcs, a lot of Ace Attorney prosecutors have them. We see them in fiction all over. Noteworthy examples of redemption arcs done well include Zuko from The Last Airbender, Michael from The Good Place... For argument's sake, let's toss Edgeworth in there too. I'm not saying Edgeworth's arc is done well, but at the very least it is accepted by most as something that served its intended purpose. I've never seen anyone question Edgeworth's transformation.

See, what we have here is a bit of a misnomer when it comes to what people expect to get out of these types of arcs. Redemption in itself is only 'deliverance from sin' or 'being saved from evil'. It's the thought that a horrible person can still see the error of their ways before it's 'too late'. However, when it comes to absorbing media, often a character gaining knowledge that they were in the wrong isn't enough to satisfy the audience. Would Edgeworth have had a satisfying redemption arc if he'd acknowledged his arrogance and dirty tactics, only to retire as a prosecutor? No way. We needed him to return in the following games to give us an update on his status. Standing in court as a defense attorney, at the risk of damaging his reputation, was the moment we knew he'd grown for the better.

What we require for the arc to come to a good conclusion is atonement. The character in question must not only apologize for their actions, but repent in a more active manner to show that they've changed their ways. Following that, the atonement must be acknowledged by others. So for example, Zuko joins the ATLA gang to help them in any way that he can until even the most skeptical of the group, Katara, acknowledges his transformation into a better person. Now add to this the notion that the character's atonement must be virtuous and sincere. The Good Place is a fascinating look into the debate of 'is it ever too late for a person to change?' and the moral complications of changing in the first place. If you're only doing good things because you want to be saved from damnation, are you being a good person or are you being selfish? There's such a thing as corrupt motivation; only doing good because it is expected. For example, does sponsoring a library make Magnus McGilded a good person? It does not, since he's only doing it to boost his own reputation and have people believe he's selfless.

As a final note, I want to ask: Does a redemption arc require a backstory to justify the character's immoral ways? Personally, I don't think that it does. It's good to have, since it allows an audience to empathize with the character and give them more of a reason to root for them. It turns the redemption arc into a tale about overcoming past trauma. However, it can backfire when done badly and lead to frustration. (I'm looking at you, live action Disney movies!) Some characters are evil just for the sake of being evil and even then, they can turn over a new leaf because they realize it is just so much more rewarding to be good. Just look at Michael from The Good Place.

What's more effective than a backstory, in my opinion, is smaller details to humanize a character. Humanization can also lead to empathy, perhaps even relatability, and helps us believe that they're capable of change. We need to be told that a character has their own fears, their own flaws, their own odd little habits which deviate from the norm... Again, I'll point to Michael from The Good Place for this. Another humanization tactic, which we see employed often in Ace Attorney, is to display a prosecutor's likes and hobbies outside the courtroom. Edgeworth's fanboying over the Steel Samurai, Blackquill's love for birds, Nahyuta's willingness to stand in line for hours to get his hands on a delicious burger... I've feel ya, Nahyuta. This tactic is more readily employed in Ace Attorney because it's difficult to place a prosecutor in a position of weakness before the final showdown. You can show them tending to hobbies during Investigation segments, but you can't show them waking up from a nightmare or wondering whether their father loves them. Well, not until case 5 of that game, anyway. By then, it's too late to serve as the sole humanization factor. Did Van Zieks need to be redeemed at all? The way I see it, the only correct answer is yes. What do we want to see in our world? Do we want people who hold racist prejudice to acknowledge their faults and become better, or do we want them to die clinging to their shitty moral compass? Do we want a world where everyone learns to get along, or do we want a world where people continue to be in the wrong and act like assholes until they inevitably get punished by law for something or another? Van Zieks needed to be redeemed in order to teach that valuable lesson that it’s never too late to be a good person and that it pays to be a good person.

So to summarize, what we needed from Barok van Zieks was the following:

1) Present an antagonistic (possibly immoral) force who personifies Ryunosuke's biggest personal obstacle/weakness, in this case racial prejudice. 2) Humanizing traits begin to show. OPTIONAL: A backstory to justify any immorality he has. 3) Over time, Barok has his realization and sees the error of his ways. 4) Barok atones for his immorality, not simply through apology but by taking decisive steps. 5) The cast around him acknowledges his efforts and forgives him.

This leaves us with the question: Does the game deliver on these points? Well, let's boot it up and find out! Stay tuned for The Adventure of the Runaway Room! (as a warning, it’s gonna be LONG)

#dgs #dgs spoilers #tgaa #tgaa spoilers #barok van zieks #oh god here we go #i actually already finished Runaway Room but I need to let it sink in #it was a doozy

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whenisitenoughtrees · 4 years

Note

Might I suggest “I don’t want to be alone.” with Royaliceit?

okay um. this one really got away from me, as i’m sure you can tell from the word count, so i really hope you like roman angst (w/ a happy ending, bc i’m not a monster)

Title: we are not alone (in the dark with our demons)

Word Count: 5,888

Content Warnings: roman-typical self-worth issues

(fic masterpost)

Roman has never really known what love is.

Oh, he pretends well enough. That’s his job, after all. He is Thomas’ hopes and dreams, his most romantic fantasies, and he performs that role well, spouting off suggestions about grand gestures and acts of true love and deeds of valor and honor and bravery. And it’s not as if he’s lying; based on every story he’s ever read, every Disney movie he’s ever watched, that is the epitome of what romance should be. And he thinks he would like that, would like to execute these grand gestures for someone, would like to sweep someone off their feet, be their savior, their hero.

Someone becomes Patton so gradually that he doesn’t notice for a very long time. Doesn’t notice how his heart beats faster whenever Patton is in the room, doesn’t notice how he hangs off Patton’s every word, doesn’t notice how he would do just about anything to get Patton to smile at him. Or rather, he does notice, sort of, in a vague, curious way. He’s just not sure what it means.

And then comes the wedding. And Roman thinks he understands what love is after all. Because the words of the others have always hurt him, their criticisms and mockery never as easily shaken off as he likes them to think, but this? This is something different. He watches as Patton sides with Deceit, with the side he was told not to believe, was told was in the wrong, was told was bad for Thomas, so you shouldn’t listen to him, Roman! He watches as Patton sides with Deceit, as Thomas sides with Deceit, upending everything he thought he believed, and the betrayal hits him like a knife to his chest. And he knows that it wouldn’t sting nearly so much if he didn’t trust Patton, if he wasn’t willing to follow him anywhere, if he didn’t love him, and the realization is far more bitter than sweet.

So, love is this: heartbreak, the stifling silences between breaths, and the words, we love you, said as if he is supposed to accept them.

He doesn’t. And why should he? He works so hard, tries his best every hour of every day, and this is what it gets him? A blow to the back of his head, faded and empty promises, a snake whispering in the dark, and Thomas turning away from him. You are! rings in his head, stuttered, placating, a lie.

And perhaps Thomas is right. Perhaps they are all right. And if Deceit is right, then he must be wrong. Isn’t that how it goes? Someone has to be the villain, after all. What else is he, if not a washed-up prince, a hero that has never managed to save anyone, a Creativity that is not nearly as good as he portrays himself to be?

God. No wonder they don’t love him.

So he throws himself into being better, into being more. He swallows his pride and apologizes to Deceit— to Janus, he supposes, though something about using the name still leaves an acrid taste in the back of his throat— and if the apology is a bit halfhearted, not entirely meant, Deceit doesn’t call him out on it, and he doesn’t call out Deceit’s apology in turn (and he has no idea, none at all, whether he means it sincerely or not. He can never tell, anymore, whether the words out of Deceit’s mouth are lies or truths, and sometimes, he thinks it doesn’t matter either way).

He asks Logan for input more often. He tries harder not to antagonize Virgil, or at least, not in the ways that truly bother him. He smiles at Patton when Patton approaches him, smiles and insists that he’s fine, even though he feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest and dropped into oncoming traffic.

And Patton believes him. That is, perhaps, what hurts worst of all, that he doesn’t see the way he’s falling apart beneath the thin veneer of bravado.

But he can’t blame him for that. Roman is, if nothing else, a good actor. A good liar.

He spends more time working, coming up with ideas that are bigger and better than any of his previous ones. He presents them to Thomas, and acts like his entire being isn’t screaming for some form of validation, any scrap of affection, any crumb that might tell him that Thomas doesn’t think he’s too much of a failure after all. And sometimes, he gets that. Sometimes, the ideas are good. Sometimes, Thomas grins and thanks him and congratulates him on a job well done.

More often, the ideas aren’t good enough. More often, it’s back to the drawing board. He barely sleeps these days, can barely be bothered to try.

And he thinks about love a lot. Thinks in the privacy and secrecy of his own mind that maybe, love isn’t worth it, if it hurts this much. Thinks that he wishes that these feelings would go away, and then maybe, he could begin to claw his way back toward normalcy.

But he’s too aware of it, now. Too aware of the way that Patton smiles and moves, too aware of his kindness and his concern and the way he always tries to take such good care of everyone. The betrayal still sits heavy in his chest, but it’s like an old wound, now, one that still pains him but one that he can ignore most days, because in the end, he’s not sure that Patton was wrong at all in what he did, in choosing Deceit over him. He thinks that maybe he was wrong, that he still is, and he’s doing his best to change that, but he has never known how to be anything different from what he is. He has only known how to cover it all up, how to wrap himself in glittering paper and a shiny bow and hope that no one looks too closely at what lies underneath.

Perhaps he’s getting too lost in his own head. Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t see it coming.

It’s the only explanation he can think of. He should have noticed it, otherwise, should have seen the way that Patton and Deceit inch together, like two stars sliding into each other’s orbits. He should have seen the cautious glances, charged with so much more emotion than words could say, should have seen the tentative touches, should have seen the way they angle themselves toward each other whenever they’re in the same room. He should have seen it, should have guessed it, but he didn’t, so when Patton announces one night, over dinner, that he and Janus have decided to begin a relationship, he is taken completely by surprise.

Logan extends congratulations. Virgil’s blessing is far more cautious, still very wary of Deceit’s increased presence in their lives, but he appears glad for Patton, at least. And Roman offers the loudest, most boisterous well-wishes he can think of, professing his joy for Patton’s newfound happiness, putting forth anything and everything he can think of to direct attention away from the fact that on the inside, he just feels—

Numb.

Numb. Cold. Empty.

He knew he couldn’t have him. He knew that Patton could never return his affections. But apparently, there is a great deal of difference between knowing and knowing, and that difference is sobbed into his pillow in the early hours of the morning.

He falls into an uneasy sleep, and his dreams are of Patton, Patton smiling, Patton laughing, Patton telling him that he did good, Patton kissing him and tasting of citrus and cotton candy. And then, the dreams change, and Janus is there, too, sliding around the edges, smooth and confident and beautiful, his every motion poetry, his every glance a caress, and Roman takes his face in his hands and kisses him just as soundly as he did Patton, and then, he wakes up, shaking.

This cannot be right. This cannot be right, because these are all the emotions he pushed deep, deep down inside of him, never to see the light of day again. These are the emotions that he rejected after the theater, after the courtroom, after everyone told him time and time again that Deceit was wrong, that Deceit was bad, and if he wanted to be right, wanted to be good, he needed to treat Deceit like the villain he was. And so he did, and pretended that he has never wondered what Deceit’s lips would feel like on his, what it would be like to trace his fingers down those glimmering scales.

It seems that the time for pretending is over.

Once ended, an illusion cannot be reformed. The audience knows the trick now, would see right through any further conjuration. And Roman, too, can no longer fool himself into believing that what he feels does not exist, or that it will go away if he ignores it. He watches Patton, and he watches Janus, and he watches them together, cooking in the kitchen or cuddling on the sofa or simply sitting near each other and enjoying the company, and he burns for them, bright and hot and never-ending, fueled by the sheer force of his want. Roman is passion and Roman is desire, and he desires them, desires their attention and their affection and their love, and it’s like an arrow to his heart to know that he cannot have them, cannot have this.

Because they already have each other. And even if he were worthy of them in the first place, there is no space for him between them.

So, he does the hardest thing he has ever done in his life, and he pulls away.

He tries not to be obvious about it, tries not to do anything that might arouse suspicion or concern. He works longer, harder, makes excuses to miss meals and family gatherings. Loneliness settles into him like a physical weight, one that presses against his chest and makes it hard to breathe. Sometimes, he feels as though he stands on the edge of a precipice, a yawning chasm below, and all he has to do to fall is take one step forward. Sometimes, he feels as though he’s already falling, the wind whistling in his ears, gravity dragging him ever downward.

They give him looks, sometimes. Patton more often than Janus, though that might just be because Janus is more subtle. He can never interpret these looks. They’re always contemplative, perhaps a bit confused, perhaps a bit sad, and he doesn’t know what that means. Part of him fears that they’ve figured it out, figured him out, him and his hopeless, stupid love. Part of him wants them to, wants them to see right past him to all his dirty secrets, wants them to rip the bandage off, to let him down gently, to tell him what he already knows.

Part of him wants to fall.

The loneliness becomes tangible, surrounding him like a fog. He’s surprised no one else can see it. But then, that is the point, isn’t it?

He’s chosen this.

And it all hits him one evening, as the sun has just begun to set and he’s skipped yet another dinner, claiming to be off on a quest in the Imagination. He hasn’t been on a quest for a while, hasn’t been able to muster up the energy, or the persona. Quests are for princes, for heroes, and these days, he’s not so sure that he’s either of those. He certainly doesn’t feel like one. He plans to work instead, to churn out a few more video ideas for Thomas in the hopes that one is usable.

He finds himself curling up in a ball in the corner of his room, tears stinging in his eyes.

There’s no particular reason for it. Nothing about today has been any worse than any other recent days. This feels like something that has building for a while, like a rubber band stretched until it snaps. And he feels like he’s snapped, like something essential in him has broken, and he knows that he should be able to move past this, should get back up and get back to work, but he can’t, and that fact just sends him spiraling more, because if he can’t create anything and he can’t love properly, then what good is he?

He shudders, choking on a sob and sucking in a desperate breath. He stuffs his fist in his mouth, trying to muffle the cries that seek to escape him, as if from a wounded animal, and perhaps that’s exactly what he is. A wounded animal, begging for comfort, for solace, and finding nothing at all.

He wants someone here. Just, someone. Anyone. Someone to hold him and tell him that everything will be alright, even if it’s a lie. Someone to dry his tears, to grasp his hands, to touch him. He wants it and he can’t have it, and he feels so, so alone.

Even if he deserved reassurance, he wouldn’t seek it. He’s supposed to be strong, supposed to be a prince, for heaven’s sake, and even if he knows just how weak he truly is, the others don’t.

He can’t let anyone see him like this.

And that is when the knock sounds on his door, as if summoned by his thoughts. Four times, a light, quick beat. He freezes, alarm coursing through him.

“Hey, Roman?” It’s Patton. It’s Patton, and he sounds worried, and Roman hates himself for becoming a source of stress. “I, uh, I brought you dinner. I know you said you’d grab something later, but you haven’t been down for a meal with everyone in a while, so, uh. I’m getting a little bit worried about you. Could I come in?”

He takes a steadying breath. He needs to respond, because if he doesn’t, Patton will likely enter anyway, just to check on him. So he needs to reply, and hope for the life of him that whatever he says is good enough to persuade him to leave, to persuade him that all is well.

“Just leave it outside the door,” he calls out. His voice sounds thick and clumsy even to his own ears. It’s because of the tears, but perhaps he can claim he just woke up from a nap, if Patton asks. “I’ll grab it in a bit.” And then, he winces, because that sounds rude, sounds callous, sounds like he doesn’t care that Patton has made the effort to come up here and bring him food. It’s quite the opposite; he cares far too much. So he tacks on, “Thanks, Pat,” hoping that at least some of his gratitude will come across.

Instead, his voice breaks, and his breath hitches as he forcibly suppresses another sob.

For a long moment, Patton is silent.

“Are you… okay?” he asks. “I’m coming in, Roman.”

No.

“Please don’t,” he says, and realizes even as he does that his voice is too frantic, too desperate, and it won’t fool Patton for even a second. “I’m fine.”

The doorknob turns, and the door slowly swings open. Not all the way, just enough for Patton to poke his head through, his brows furrowed in concern. There is a plate in his hands, and the room fills with the scent of cooked pasta. Spaghetti, he thinks. One of his favorites.

“You don’t sound fine,” Patton says, and then his gaze finally lands on Roman, and Roman would like to melt into the floor in shame. He knows what he must look like, knows he must seem an utter disaster, with his rumpled clothes and tear-stained face, curled up in the corner like the pathetic mess of a side he is.

“Oh,” Patton says, eyes widening. He seems shocked for a moment, but then, he is moving, entering the room all the way and rushing to Roman’s side, setting the plate down on his desk before kneeling next to him, hands outstretched but not touching, not quite, as if he’s unsure of his welcome. “Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong? What can I do?”

He shakes his head, staring at him, because how is he supposed to tell Patton the truth? How is he supposed to tell him that he aches for him, him and Janus both, longs to disrupt the happiness they’ve found in each other? How is he supposed to tell him that he’s pulled away to try to get over himself, to prevent himself from doing something rash, to attempt to make the problem disappear, and instead has only succeeded in making himself feel worse? How is he supposed to admit any of this?

How is he supposed to admit that he’s a failure?

“It’s just…” he starts. “It’s too much, right now. I’ll, I’ll be okay, I just need…” He cuts himself off, burying his face in his hands, because he knows exactly what he needs, and he can’t let himself say it out loud, but if he voices anything else, it would be a lie, and he’s already lying to Patton so much, and he’s so tired.

“What do you need, honey?” Patton asks, but he just curls in on himself more.

New strategy: maybe if he doesn’t answer at all, Patton will get fed up and leave. It’s unlikely, because that’s just not the kind of person that Patton is. But it’s the only viable plan he has left.

Patton doesn’t leave.

“That’s okay, Roman. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t wanna.” Patton hesitates, and Roman is tempted to look at him, to take the measure of whatever expression is on his face. “Would it be alright if I touched you?”

And he does look then, looks and finds that the only emotion on Patton’s face is concern, a desire to help, so he nods, and Patton reaches out to him, gathering him into his arms, and Roman can’t remember the last time he was touched like this. He feels so safe, so warm, and so terribly, horribly guilty, because he can’t feel like he’s taking advantage of him, because Patton has no idea about the feelings that flutter in his chest, traitorous and excited by something so simple as mere contact, and his mind is so eager to twist this situation around, to make more out of it than it is.

Patton cares about him. He feels more secure about that than he used to. But it is the same kind of care that Patton offers to everyone, and he feels so selfish and awful for desiring more than that, and for not having the courage to even own up to doing so.

But he still relaxes into the embrace, lets Patton rub soothing circles into his back, even though it makes him sob harder, this moment that is so close to what he wants and yet so far.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Patton murmurs, “I promise. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

He shakes his head mutely. It’s all he can do.

Nothing is going to be okay. But he doesn’t have the words to explain that.

But maybe, if he can live in this moment for just a little while longer, he will regain the strength to pretend.

“Patton?” The voice floats in from outside his room, and he stiffens. “You’ve been gone for a while. Is everything— oh.”

Roman shifts his head, and his vision is blurry, but he can just make out the figure standing in his doorway, awkward and discomfited, his hands twitching as if he doesn’t know where to place them. It’s Janus, because of course it is Janus, come looking for his boyfriend, and here Roman is, taking up both of their time, now, and there is a part of him that selfishly delights in it, that insists that if this is all he will ever get from them, he might as well make the most of it.

“I can—” Janus shuffles his feet, oddly hesitant. “Here, I’ll just—”

He moves as to leave, and close the door behind him, and suddenly, that is the last thing Roman wants. It is too late to pretend that this never happened, too late to prevent him from seeing his humiliation in the first place. At this point, what is a little more selfishness?

“You can stay,” he murmurs, and he’s sure he doesn’t sound at all convincing, but Janus pauses anyway, a crease forming between his brows. When he enters the room, he does so cautiously, as if expecting Roman to change his mind at any moment, but he does enter, and that is what is most important. He kneels beside Patton, and Roman is certain that they exchange a glance over his head, some silent communication, before Janus tentatively reaches out and places a hand on Roman’s arm. It is clear that he is not practiced in offering comfort, but the fact that he is willing to try at all is enough to add to the tears still streaming down his face.

“Would you like to tell us what’s wrong?” Janus asks, and even when Roman doesn’t answer with anything more than hitching breaths and shallow sobs, turning his face back into Patton’s shirt because he can’t face this kindness, Janus doesn’t push him for more. Just sits there and offers silent support and a single source of contact.

It’s too much, really, having the both of them here, having Patton hugging him and Janus touching him, both of them offering care but not the kind of care that Roman wants most. And it’s so wrong of him to fool them into giving this to him, because this means so much more to him than it does to them and they have no idea. He’s essentially tricking them, tricking them in the worst kind of way, and the longer he sits there, crying against Patton’s chest, the worse he feels about it.

And eventually, his tears run dry. And he knows he has to end this.

“I’m okay now,” he mumbles, turning his head so that he’s no longer speaking into Patton’s shirt. “You guys can go.”

Janus arches a brow, and belatedly, Roman remembers that lying to the Lord of the Lies is an inadvisable move at best.

“Is that right?” Janus asks, doubt dripping from every syllable. He’s not aiming to wound, but Roman flinches anyway. “You’ve spent the past twenty minutes sobbing your heart out, and there’s absolutely no underlying reason that needs to be dealt with? Everything’s all hunky-dory?”

He wriggles out of Patton’s hold with no small amount of regret, shifting backward until there is a few feet of space between him and both of them. He tries to fix his expression into some semblance of a glare, though he’s certain it’s not very effective. He must look like a train wreck.

“All hunky-dory,” he confirms, and has to pause, because literally who says that anymore? He shouldn’t find that endearing. He shouldn’t. “I was just… overwhelmed. That’s all.”

It’s not technically a lie, so Janus shouldn’t be able to sense anything off. But he narrows his eyes in suspicion, reminding Roman that he’s still perfectly capable of detecting half-truths the normal way, though plain observation.

“You have been putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself lately,” Patton says, and Roman turns to him in surprise. Patton winces, wringing his hands. “I mean… I don’t wanna overstep any boundaries here, but it seems to me that we barely see you anymore, ‘cause you’re always holed up in here working. And I’m not saying that you need to stop or anything like that, especially not if you’re feeling a lot of inspiration these days, but, um. We miss you.” He pauses. “I miss you.” He says the last in an undertone, glancing at his lap, and Roman blinks.

“I didn’t…” He stops, trying to get his thoughts in order, but it’s a hopeless task. His thoughts are flying every which way, no rhyme or reason to them. “That is, I didn’t mean to—”

“If you’re going to finish that sentence with something along the lines of, I didn’t mean to avoid you, you needn’t bother,” Janus interrupts. His voice is smooth and unreadable, and something about it makes Roman want to crawl under a rock and hide there. “It’s fairly obvious to me that that’s exactly what you’ve been doing.” Patton frowns then, looking at Janus and opening his mouth to say something, but Janus holds up a hand, forestalling him. “What I don’t understand is why? Or at least, why Patton? Me, I get.”

It takes a moment for him to realize what Janus is saying, his mind taking far too long to wrangle his words into something approaching sense. “Wait, what?” he blurts out. “Why would you… why would you ‘get it’ if I was avoiding you?”

This is, perhaps, not the most urgent question he needs to ask. But he’s confused, now, confused and beginning to realize that once again, his actions may have had unintended consequences.

Janus looks at him like he’s crazy. “Roman, I am not unaware that you dislike me. And that’s… perfectly fine. After everything I’ve put you through, I… well, as I said, I understand.” He pauses, inhaling deeply, seeming to steady himself. “Again, I’m not asking for me. And I would appreciate an answer.”

Roman can only stare, his horror mounting as he realizes that Janus means every word of what he’s saying, that Janus truly believes that Roman doesn’t like him, and oh god, he’s gone and fucked all of this up, hasn’t he? He didn’t think they would notice him stepping back, much less draw the wrong conclusions, but apparently they have, and he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. He can lean into this, pretend to be angry with them, pretend not to want them around, no matter how much that would break him. Or he can tell them the truth, and be broken in an entirely different way when they reject him, kindly at best and in disgust at worst. There’s no good option, and it’s all he can do to keep his breathing even, to keep his lungs functioning.

But he looks at Janus, his face set into hard lines. And he looks at Patton, who doesn’t meet his eyes, whose dejection is shining through every inch of his slumped posture and in the way he fiddles with his fingers, anxious and discontent.

He didn’t think this would hurt them. Frankly, he thought they were too wrapped up in each other to notice much of what he was doing at all. But evidently, he has miscalculated, badly, and there is no good option, but he knows which one will hurt them less.

He’s been selfish enough.

He releases a shuddering breath, shaking his head and staring at the floor. He doesn’t have it in him to look at them, to watch their reactions to what he’s about to say. “I’m really sorry,” he says, and his voice emerges as a miserable whisper. “I didn’t, I didn’t mean to make you think that—” He cuts off. Gathers his thoughts into a coherent sentence. By the nine muses, this is difficult. “I don’t… I don’t dislike you. Either of you. Um, it’s the opposite. I, uh, like you a lot. Both of you. Too much.” He curls in on himself, wrapping his arms around his stomach, as if to hide, though he knows that there is no hiding from this, no going back. “I just, you two were so happy, and I didn’t want to, to get in the way, or ruin something, but I guess I failed at that too, huh? I… god, I’m so sorry.”

He stops talking. There’s nothing more he can say. It’s out in the open, now. No take-backs.

He’s not sure what he’s expecting. But it’s not for Patton to lunge forward, to grab him by the shoulders and jerk him upright, to force eye contact, sudden and startled.

“You could never,” Patton insists, and to Roman’s dismay, his voice is choked with tears. “Do you hear me? You could never, ever ruin anything.” He sniffles, then, losing some of his intensity, and leans forward, pressing his forehead against Roman’s. “I thought that I’d messed up,” he says. “I thought that it was still too much, after the wedding and everything that happened, and that you still wanted space, or time, and I felt so guilty because I didn’t want to let you have that, but I thought that if it was what you wanted, then I shouldn’t—” He sighs, cutting himself off and closing his eyes. A tear slips out from between his eyelids.

Roman, for his part, barely dares to breathe. Patton is so close.

“You,” he says, a stuttering start, because he doesn’t know what he’s saying, doesn’t know what Patton is saying, “you, what do you—”

“I like you a lot, too,” Patton says, and Roman can see the way his eyes shine and swirl, his irises a smeared mixture of Thomas’ brown and his own signature blue. “I have for… gosh, a really long time now. I guess I never thought there was a good time for me to do something about it, and then with the… everything, I thought for sure that you didn’t… I’m so sorry, Roman. You’ve been hurting all this time and I didn’t… I couldn’t…” He trails off into a sniffle, and as much as Roman would like to comfort him, he is frozen, working through the words that echo in his ears and in his brain.

Because he can’t have said what he thinks he’s just said, right? Because that would mean—

Unable to help himself, he looks over to Janus, expecting to see anger or dismay or something of the like, because if Roman is hearing this correctly, if Roman is interpreting this correctly, then Patton… Patton has just confessed to having feelings for him. And that in itself is difficult to process, impossible to accept, but surely Janus can’t approve of this, can’t allow this to happen, can’t let Roman get between him and his boyfriend—

Janus is staring, his eyes flitting back and forth between the two of them, and his expression is open and unguarded but there is no anger there, no fear, and when he catches Roman looking, it softens, suddenly, inexorably, and Roman can’t hope to understand it because he must be seeing wrong, because it looks an awful lot like—

Well. It looks an awful lot like the way he looks at Patton.

“You’ve always captivated me,” Janus says, simply, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “I… I know that I’ve flattered you in the past, but I, ah. I might have meant more of it than I wanted to let on.” He glances away, as if embarrassed, and Roman feels as though he’s floating. “I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t acquitted myself well, and for that, I am truly sorry.”

“We’ve talked about this, a little bit,” Patton says softly, and Roman drags his attention back to him, little though he wants to look away from Janus, from this confession that he can scarcely bring himself to believe. “You, that is. We both love you a whole lot, Roman. We didn’t think you’d be interested, so we didn’t bring it up before. But we’d be really, really happy if you’d join us, honey.”

He shudders, tearing himself away from Patton and immediately feeling the loss, the cold air against his forehead. He doesn’t know what to do, or what do say, and most of him can’t absorb the fact that this is happening, that this is real, that after so long being on his own, they’re both here, they know that he loves them, and they want him in return.

He should be ecstatic. Over the moon. Jumping for joy. But he has never once allowed himself to believe that he might have this, has never so much as entertained the possibility, so now, presented with everything he has longed for, he feels so terribly overwhelmed.

“It’s up to you,” Patton says softly. He reaches out, and when Roman doesn’t move to stop him, he takes his hand, and Roman could cry, he really could. “Whatever you’re comfortable with, whatever you want, we can do.”

He shakes his head desperately, a multitude of words springing to his lips but all of them falling short of being spoken, because he doesn’t know how to explain this, how to explain that it’s too much, being asked this, being asked what he wants, because he wants anything and everything, but he has spent so long telling himself that he can’t that he doesn’t know what to do now that he’s being told that he can.

And some of that must show on his face, because Patton scoots closer, concern driving a furrow in his brow, but then, suddenly, Janus is there, a steady presence at his side, one hand gently resting on his shoulder.

“It’s alright if you’re not ready for that,” he says, and Roman has never heard Janus speak so tenderly. Not like this, not to him. “It’s alright if you’re not ready for anything at all. But if you’d like, you could try starting with what you don’t want.”

At first, he’s not sure what Janus means, not sure how that will help. But then, his perspective flips, and he finds it easier, somehow, to focus on that, rather than the alternative. He wants so much, and he is too used to denying himself, but at this point, he knows very well what he doesn’t want.

“I don’t want to be alone,” he gasps out, and it’s practically a sob, weak and shattered. “Please, don’t leave me alone.”

Patton shifts closer once again, wrapping his arms around him for a second time. And Janus is here, too, pressing up against his side.

“Never,” Patton swears. “You never have to be alone, not ever again.”

“And that’s the whole truth and nothing but,” Janus adds, a bit wry but somehow still infinitely soft.

And they stay. With him. Just because he asked. And slowly, their proclamations sink in, the idea that perhaps they really do love him return, and goodness, he’s been so foolish, hasn’t he? Pushing them away because he thought it best, because he was so sure they wouldn’t want him, when really, it was the opposite. He hovers somewhere between laughing and breaking down into tears once again, but ends up doing neither, relaxing into the warmth of Patton’s arms holding him, of Janus right by his side.

Perhaps he was wrong, before. Perhaps even now, he has never truly understood what love is. He has spent the last weeks and months defining it by heartbreak, but perhaps it was never about that at all.

So, perhaps love is this: acceptance, the rhythm of three hearts beating as one, and the words, we’re not leaving, said aloud and finally, finally, Roman thinks he can accept them.

General Taglist:@just-perhaps @the-real-comically-insane @jerrysicle-tree @glitchybina @psodtqueer @mrbubbajones @snek-boii @severelylackinginquality @aceawkwardunicorn @gayerplease @elizabutgayer @dwbh888 @thatoneloudowl @sanderssides-angst @gayboopnoodle @wildfire5157

#royaliceit #roman sanders #ts roman #patton sanders #ts patton #janus sanders #ts janus #my fic #long post #cat does prompts #these prompts are supposed to be like... 2k words #idk what happened here #my pathological inability to be succinct strikes again

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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I completely agree with your post about Tom. People’s entitlement over their favourite celebrities goes to far. And tbh I really hate when fans act like they know for sure how he feels and what he’s thinking based on very ambiguous “evidence”. This is usually done so people can align Tom’s views with their own which requires most of the time someone else to be villanised. What I mean is that fans have no actual proof that the writers, producers and director of Loki are bad people and that Tom is unhappy with the directions the show took. There is usually nothing to be inferred about who these people are beyond their merits as professionals. But fans present their assumptions as facts anyway and that has evolved into actual harassment of the production team. All the while piggybacking on this idea that Tom thinks exactly what like them. And I am saying this as someone who hated TR and thinks Loki was deliberately made weaker/less important so Thor could shine more. And someone who hates pretty much all of Mike Waldron’s previous work on Rick and Morty. But is still feels very presumptuous to act like these people deliberate compromised the their own work because they hate Loki and his fans. And that they are filled with every prejudice know to man. And it’s also very demeaning to victimise Tom in the process. Of course some of the people involved suck but most of the time these assumptions have no basis whatsoever. And there is also an over-identification going on between some fans and Tom which isn’t healthy for anybody.

Sorry it took me several days to get to this, anon. It took me a minute to get my thoughts in order. But in a nutshell, yeah, I agree with a lot of the things you pointed out here - especially with fans acting like they know for a fact what he's thinking or feeling.

Under the cut for length and a bit of wank and disagreement w/ the "Marvel hates Loki" discourse so please skip if you don't want to see it.

A lot of the Loki series wank is rooted in whether or not Tom actually likes the series and significantly contributed to it, or if he's just saying what he has to say for publicity and his ideas and contributions were largely ignored. None of us will ever know for sure, bc none of us are Tom and none of us were directly involved in the series, so it's moot speculation, really. But it seems to basically come down to people trying to reconcile their feelings about the show with their feelings about Tom.

I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with believing that Tom's hands were tied to an extent and/or he just says things that he has to for promotion, but I also don't think that it should be treated as fact and then used as, like, ammunition against other people working on the show. I personally have not seen anyone I know or am friendly with taking their complaints to the level of harassment of actual people irl (that seems to be more of a twitter thing, as far as I can tell, and imo comes from an entirely different place than just hating the show [I think there's an inherent meanness in people whose instincts are to harass and bully bc they want to actively make others feel like shit]) but I do see it posted as fact, time and time again, that the showrunners had a personal vendetta against Loki and were intent on making the series as bad as possible, and that Tom was helpless to do anything about it.

Which I get, in a way, bc I personally believe that the Russos had, if not a vendetta, an active dislike of Loki and a vested interest in getting him "out of the way" in a manner that would make him look pathetic in IW - but, I certainly can't say that's the case for sure, and I also think it's a little different bc Tom's contractual obligations for his film appearances were likely very different than what he (and/or his people) negotiated for the show.

That's neither here nor there but my point is, I can understand where the theories come from but I just don't think that's the case here, and seeing it so often makes me feel kinda uncomfortable (for a lot of reasons but also) bc, imo, it undermines Tom's autonomy for fans to act as if he's little more than a puppet on a string, just saying whatever he has to say to please the powers that be. Like, yes, there are legally binding contracts that probably limit how candid he can be, and we all know that he sugarcoats things and never says anything bad about anyone, which can make him seem like a bit of an "unreliable narrator" when he gushes about the show -

- but, he's also a big name celeb (I mean, the studio has always banked on his name being attached to the project bc he's the one who would draw in the most viewers). He's got clout (is that the right word?) to back him up - they wanted him, specifically, to play Loki in this series. Without Tom, there's no show. So why would they want to alienate him, silence him, or dismiss him when he comes to the table and says "here are my ideas"?

My point is, it's unfair and, yes, demeaning to act as if Tom is this voiceless, powerless victim who has no choice but to act in a series he hated that was purposefully trying to destroy his character, and then to turn around and mindlessly sing its praises while promoting it.

I think that the truth is somewhere in the middle - Tom's creative control was likely limited bc he wasn't the director and wasn't the showrunner or head writer, and no one person is ever completely in control when it comes to the end result that we, the audience, end up seeing on the screen anyway. He may not have been entirely happy with every writing or directing choice that was made. But it's also very unlikely that he had no say at all or that any input he had was dismissed (or 95% of it, as it were); again, the series is banking on his name being the draw and he has the advantage of being an authority on Loki while also being intelligent and eloquent enough to convey his perspective on the character. I think that the real issue is that Tom's current perspective and/or interpretation of Loki no longer aligns with his interpretation of OG Loki from 2011-13. Which is, admittedly, a very hard pill to swallow.

Anyway, this may have veered off in another direction and idek if you wanted this answered or to have a conversation or maybe you were just venting - but, here we are.

To make it less about Loki specifically and more about Tom in general, though, yeah, ultimately I just wish his fans wouldn't feel so entitled toward him and his opinions, or his career choices, or his love life, or his clothes. I was browsing one of the Tom ask blogs (or maybe it was a Zawe one, I don't remember now) the other day and I find it really creepy, for lack of a better word, at how invested people are in Tom's, like, day-to-day whereabouts. Someone saw him at a restaurant in NYC - I wonder if he's still there today? Where's he staying? Is he there as a tourist or for work reasons? Who could he be meeting with in New York? A producer? Another play? Will he host SNL? Is Zawe still with him or did she go back to London? etc etc like, it really goes back to my original point in my original post which is, basically, who caaaaaaaares, why are you investing so much of your day trying to figure out what Tom is doing with his?

Now I'm just venting, but yeah ... shit's weird.

#asks #a nonny mouse #charlotte replies #tom hiddleston is my favorite unicorn #disclaimer - i know a lot of my mutuals feel this way about tom and my disagreement with those takes is not meant as a personal attack #but again if my opinions hurt your feelings or make you feel like you can't trust me #please just unfollow so i don't have to keep feeling the need to apologize all over the place #for shit i post on my own blog #long post

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stories2you · 3 years

Text

Mother’s Day

**Reposted from: @mayuarts

So, @myubunziii and I decided to write this long fic for mother’s day. Which obviously came out waaaaaaay later than expected.

Do note, in this AU, Kiro and Youran (MC) are siblings.

Note: mentions of attempts on suicide, illegitimate child, depression, PTSD.

(A/N) - Actor’s Name (V/A) - Veteran Actress *I can’t think of any names :’) ** This has not been proofread, so I apologize for any grammatical and spelling errors. ***Song used: SNSD - Dear Mom.

Kiro was getting his hair styled in the waiting room. Not long after, a knock was heard on his door. His agent opened the door, revealing Gavin and the two teens. The girls smiled happily and rushed to him.

“Good morning, Uncle Chips~!” The sisters greeted. Kiro grinned and greeted them back as he ruffled their hair,

“Good morning, mini Chips!” The girls giggled at that old nickname that their uncle had given them during their childhood. Kiro didn’t waste any more time and shooed his nieces to the stylists waiting for them.

As the girls left, the blond turned to his brother-in-law, “Youran doesn’t know that you’re here, right?” Gavin nodded. He then shrugged, “She rushed out this morning before I finished breakfast.”

Kiro chuckled at those words. It’s to be expected of his twin sister. She was always on the run and rushing everywhere to attend to her duties. Much more after the sisters had enrolled into high school.

~ time skip ~

They only had light make up applied and their hair styled. Their hair was styled similarly, just that Alina only let her hair down whereas her sister had her hair tied up into a braid. Their outfits complemented the occasion and their hidden elegance.

When they went out of the dressing room, they caught the attention of their father and maternal uncle. Kiro’s jaw dropped as he saw how beautiful his nieces are. He smiled warmly as he noticed their natural beauty that they had inherited from their mother.

Gavin, on the other hand, became speechless. Not only their outfit shows their hidden elegance but their maturity as well. He realized how much his dear daughters had grown.

The sisters blushed at the attention they got from them. Before they could speak, the door suddenly opened, revealing a panting Shaw. After he closed the door, his jaw dropped and his eyes widened,

“Wow… You’re so beautiful. Just like your mother.” He said with his usual cheeky smile on his face.

He placed the bag of presents under the dressing table and sat on the couch beside his brother. Gavin could only stare at him, “What happened?”

Shaw’s smile suddenly became crooked, “She almost spotted me.”

“You idiot…” Gavin sighed. He then stood up and went to where his daughters were standing. He reached out and brushed their bangs gently, “You heard your uncle, you both are so beautiful.”

Alina and Aiyana giggled. Then Gavin pulled out two designed boxes. He opened both of them, revealing a shining golden gingko hairpin. Similar to the ones he presented to them when they were younger. The man pinned the hairpins onto the girls’ hair.

“Dad, did you input another tracker?” Aiyana asked with a cheeky smile on her face.

Gavin smirked and shrugged, “Well, keep it on if you wanna know.”

Just then, Kiki peeked into the waiting room, “Kiro, get ready, we’re starting in five.” Before she left, she waved to the sisters.

Kiro gave a thumbs up to the girls and quickly left to the set, leaving the girls and the Bai brothers. Not long after, Savin turns on the television connecting to the screen. Showing the starting of the talk show. The set was dimly lit, with only a shadowed figure standing at the center.

Suddenly a light shined onto Kiro’s figure. He showed his signature grin and started to perform one of his biggest hits. About five minutes later, he introduced himself,

“Hello everyone! It’s Kiro! It’s been quite a while, isn’t it? As for today, I’m the guest emcee for today’s talk show! Without further ado, let us invite our mother-child guests!”

All three pairs of mother-child celebrities came into the set, waving to the audience with bright smiles on their faces. They all took their places while Kiro stood at the side. Kiro then ushers them to introduce themselves. The first pair introduced themselves,

“Hello everyone, I am (A/N), the only child of veteran actress, (V/A). Thank you for inviting us and let us have a great time together!” The young man smiled and gave a short fanservice which made the fangirls swoon.

His mother smiled and nudged him playfully. Then the second pair introduced themselves as a pair of voice acting duo. The second mother-son said short lines from their recent anime which their roles are mother and son as well.

Lastly, the third pair of mother and daughter introduced themselves. The female rookie idol and the veteran sang a short duet.

After the introduction of the guests, Kiro started the segment of the day, Mother’s Day,

“As you have known, today’s talk is about appreciating our mothers. Are there any stories for the young celebrities to share about your mothers?” Kiro asked to the guests.

The first guest, (A/N), smiled and decided to share bits of his childhood, “My mother never forces anything on me. When I told her that I wanted to become an actor, she straight up sent me to an acting school. One of the downfalls I had was the pressure of memorizing the lines and acting it out. But my mother, she would continue to encourage me and help me fill the spots I missed while acting. That’s why… No matter how hard the roles I was given, I’m willing to act it out the best I can with my mother’s guidance.” The man then turned to look at his mother, he took a box underneath the table, presenting it to her,

“Mom, I can never thank you enough for brining me into this world. Your love, care and guidance is what brings me here. I love you mom.” The (V/A) smiled and hugged her son tightly in her arms.

Sobs can be heard from the audience. Kiro smiled at the sight and decided to move on to the next guest, “How ‘bout you? Is there anything you would like to share to your fans?”

The male idol smiled sadly, “This may be triggering but I would like to share this anyway. To show how much one’s life really means to your mother. The strong woman who bore her children for 9 months.”

He paused for a moment and took a breath, “I was a suicidal individual. I was always harassed and bullied for being a bastard child. To clarify this, I am not a bastard child. I lost my father at a very young age. People not only call me a child out of wedlock, they also spread false rumors about my mother. When I was scouted, almost all trainees recognized me for being the son of a veteran voice actress. They started bullying me both physically and verbally.

At one point, I couldn’t handle the pain and resorted to cutting and consume sleeping pills.” He sighed and cooled himself again, “One day, my mother saw all the pills and scars on my arms. She stopped me and showered all her love to me. She even begged me not to take away my own life. After that day, she brought me to a professional psychiatrist and always reminded me that I am loved. That I don’t need to satisfy others but myself.”

The voice actor looked to the audience with bravery, “In life, there’s ups and downs. There’s no need to satisfy others. One does not need support from others. The main supporter of your life is your beloved ones, including your mother.” He looked towards his mother and took out a bouquet of flowers from the side of his seat, “Mom, I’m sorry. I worried you from my rash decisions. I promise that I’ll be a better son and thank you. Thank you for your endless love.”

The voice actress shed tears and took the bouquet from his hands, “Dear son, love yourself like how you love your fans and I.”

More sobs and tears were shed. Youran, who had been standing beside Anna, shed tears at the story. She recently had nightmares of her youngest child taking her own life. She had always wanted to comfort her, but Aiyana would only smile and say she was okay. More worries filled in her heart and tears were suddenly released from her eyes. She watched the last guests telling her story of being a sick child,

“I spent most of my childhood in the hospital. I had complications on my heart, making me go through so many procedures. My mother was the sole breadwinner of my family. My father was falsely accused but was sent to the prison. Luckily, he was released from his charges a few days after I was discharged from the hospital. But I can never show my appreciation enough to my mother. She worked extra hard on producing her own songs and performing them on every music shows. She even took the task of producing songs for idol groups.”

The young rookie took out a box of chocolates and handed it to her mother, “Mom, thank you for your hard work. Thank you for making your fans and I happy. You produce beautiful music and you gave me a chance to live from your music. I would’ve not survived without your love.”

Her mother took the box of chocolates, and the rookie continued, “That box of chocolates are the ones you’ve always wanted to try. I hope you love it~”

The soloist opened the box and ate a piece. She felt touched, knowing that the chocolates were not bought but were handmade by her own daughter. She then pulled her young daughter into a tight hug. She then said into her daughter’s ear, “I would trade anything for your life. As long as you are here, I’m happy.”

Kiro had a warm smile on his face as he listened to the stories. But a small part of him felt sad as he recalled the day his dear sister cried for her little one,

“Kiro… What should I do? No matter how much I try to comfort Aiyana, she would only smile and said that she’s okay. But I know she isn’t… Am I a bad mother? Am I always neglecting my children?”

The blond was heartbroken when he heard those words. He even talked to Gavin about this. The cop himself had the same questions in his mind,

“Am I not a good father? Have I gone away for too long?”

He mentally hyped up himself and gave a bright smile, “Now that everyone has shared their stories, let us continue appreciating our mothers and loving ourselves more. Now moving on to the last and surprise segment of the day, let us invite our special guest up on stage! Give a round of applause to our main producer, Youran!!”

The producer’s eyes widened and she tilted her head to the side in confusion. She looked to Anna beside her. The older lady only gave her a smile, “Go on. We’ll handle things here.”

She then takes Youran’s files from her hands. Before Youran could move forward, a familiar large hand was placed on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Gavin smiling down at her, “Come on, Kiro’s waiting.”

He guided her up to the set. The audience and the guests awed at the sight of the couple. Kiro walked to the center and held his hand out to his sister. She took his hand and her husband walked out of the set.

“Kiro… What is this? This isn’t in the production plan!” She whispered to her brother.

Kiro only gave her his trademark smile, “You’ll see~”

He then faced the audience, “Now, now. That’s not the only surprise.” Suddenly the lights dimmed and a familiar song started playing. Kiro bend down slightly to his sister’s height, “Don’t turn around until the song ends.”

He slowly left his sister’s side. When he stood at his usual spot, he spotted Gavin bringing his daughters on the stage and the audience cheered for the girls’ appearance. Youran looked even more confused. But then her confusion faded away when she heard her daughters’ voices;

(Ai) For some reason, today feels difficult and exhausting (Al) For some reason it feels empty today The suddenly ringing phone surprises me I hear your voice, asking me if I ate today (Ai) Those words that annoyed me, feel different today And I remember all the forgotten promises I’ve made

I will become a warm hearted person I will become a person that puts others first I will fulfill the wishes of your love The person I share my dreams with The one who used to comb my hair I think of my mom

Youran could feel her tears weld up again in her eyes. She smiled at the lyrics as all the memories of her daughters replayed in her mind. They’d call for her every five minutes, wanting to come with her to her office, asking her to do their hair and more. She felt her heart tighten when she listened to the next verse.

(Al) Sometimes I hurt you because of my wrong decisions But you quietly watched over me from afar (Ai) Although I’m still a young and clumsy child, I think That now I understand the meaning of your silent prayers (Al) What should I do? My heart is still so small (Ai) If I let go of your hand, I’m not sure if I can make it I don’t think I’m ready yet, I’m scared

The mother could hear her daughters’ voice starting to quiver. She could feel their fear and guilt. How much they still needed her by their side.

I will become a wise daughter (Al: Give me courage) I will be a daughter you can be proud of (Ai: You’ve been there for me) I will fulfill the wishes of your love With all the love that you have shown me I will have a warm heart

She then felt two pairs of arms wrapping around her and her tears finally fell.

I was too shy to express it… Mom, I truly love you…

The sisters released their mother from their embrace. Youran turned around and saw her daughters smiling at her. Alina spoke up before she could, “Mom, I’m sorry for not answering your calls when I’m away for college. I promise to be a better daughter and I’ll do my best to follow your steps to become a good artist and producer!”

Aiyana wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck, “Mom… I’m sorry for keeping my feelings to myself. I’m sorry for making you worry. I promise that I’ll let out my thoughts. Thank you for being there for me.”

Youran smiled with her tears still flowing. She brought her daughters into her embrace, “Thank you for this surprise, my dears. Mom loves you more than anything. I’ll never let go of your hands whenever and wherever you both will be.”

Gavin smiled at the scene right in front of him. He realized how much both he and his wife had come this far of raising these two troublemakers. He himself didn’t know that both Kiro and Shaw had planned this secretly with Minor and the rest behind both of his and Youran’s back.

When Kiro finally wrapped up the show, everyone left the set happily and the girls even get to take pictures with the guests. The two were even offered to collab with the rookie idol. Though the two of them can only smile and just gave the idol a neutral answer.

~ Time skip ~

After the show, the sisters quickly changed into their casual clothes. They went out to the exit of the studio and saw their parents talking. They decided to eavesdrop for a moment,

“Gavin, thank you. You and the girls surprised me more than enough.” Youran smiled as she looked up to her husband.

Gavin wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him, “You should thank the girls and your brother for this. I only helped in the sidelines.”

The sisters looked at each other and grinned. They ran and gave a surprise back hug to their parents. “We’re happy to sing more songs for you, mom!” Aiyana smiled happily. Gavin had a playful pout on his face,

“Only for mom? What about dad?”

“We’ll record it for you to listen when you’re away~” Alina giggled. “Of course, we’ll never leave our hero out!”

The family of four had a wonderful ride back home. The girls shared stories of their school life and whatever their uncles are up to whenever they stayed over. The couple smiled and laughed along with them. Meanwhile in Youran’s mind, she couldn’t thank God for this wonderful and blessed day.

At home, they crashed on the couch together. Alina and Aiyana in between their parents. Gavin took out his phone and decided to order some take out. While he was on it, Alina stood up and took the paper bag that she received from Shaw earlier that day. She brought it over and handed it to her mother,

“Mom, open it.”

Youran opened the blue rectangular box. Her brown eyes shined as she saw the customized necklace which had her birthstone locket. She opened the pendant and saw the photo of her and her daughters at one side, the other had a photo of her and Gavin with the girls as an infant.

Alina put on the locket around her mother’s neck. Youran gave her a warm smile and opened up the purple box. Aiyana prepared her newly released novel. She had a tint of red on her cheeks, making her resemble her father. Youran picked up the book and read the summary, it was about a young teen who was struggling with PTSD since her childhood. She had ups and downs. The one who always held her hand, guiding her towards happiness, was her mother.

Youran had a bitter smile, knowing that this was based on their life story. Her smile brightens when she read the summary of the last volume, the girl found her happiness by achieving her dreams. It wasn’t a cliché story.

‘I’ll make this into a drama,’ Youran thought.

She then pulled her daughters into a tight hug, “Thank you dearies, I love it. Aiyana, I’ll read your novel and give you my opinions, okay? I’ll even make this into a drama!”

Aiyana blushed and giggled, “Alright~ It hasn’t been officially released yet… so you got the first batch.” Her mother had a bright smiled and caressed her hair, “I’m honored to be able to read this before others.”

She placed the novel set on the table and shooed her daughters away, “Now go and shower. The food will arrive soon.”

“Okay~!”

After they rushed off, Gavin already had a wrapped gift placed on his lap. Youran tilted her head and pointed at the gift, “And what would that be, dear?”

The officer shrugged and handed the gift to his wife, “See it for yourself.”

She unwrapped the gift and was greeted with the beautiful journal album. She opened the said album and the first page had a handwritten letter by her husband. She almost teared up when she read the words, “Thank you for being the mother of my children.”

The photos inside the album were placed like a timeline. Starting from Alina and Aiyana’s childhood days until their high school graduation. Youran had a nostalgic smile as she flipped through the album. She then placed the album on the table and pulled her husband into her arms.

They stayed like that for a moment. Youran pulled away and kissed him passionately. Her endless love conveyed in the kiss. Gavin pulled her tighter in his arms.

Unbeknownst to them, two mischievous girls had taken a video and a photo of them smooching. Usual sibling things.

Thank you, mom.

We went overboard with this. I had to edit out some parts and plan a suitable scene. :’)

I hope you enjoy. Requests are open, and I’ll do my best to post it as soon as possible!

#mlqc #mldd #youran #bai qi #zhou qiluo #li zeyan #xu mo #ling xiao #mlqc gavin #mlqc youran #mlqc shaw #mlqc kiro #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #mlqc scenario #mlqc fluff #mlqc angst #mother's day special fic

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accursedkaleeshi · 3 years

Text

Blys’aan’s Bio (Wife #7)

TL:DR 2 Members of the Izvoshra bully Grievous into another marriage to the captain of imports of the largest trade organization on Kalee. Blys’aan was successful PR for them & was an angel with a soup ladle. Died 27 BBY due to scarcity of medical resources.

Part 1: Meeting I wrote over 1000 words, there’s a lot of dialogue, its like a lazy fanfic.

Part 2: About Her

First of all, I finally gave Western Wuja Bandit Izvoshra a name. It is Dakaliidae, as Western male names tend to be a ton syllables. Yes his name is Doc Holliday: it’s funny & topical, fight me about it. Anyway, I told you this because he is instrumental in meeting Blys’aan.

So, whilst Grievous was doing Ked’jat (the crackhead friend, if you’ll recall) a solid by meeting his aristocratic family, Ked’jat & Dakaliidae got together to try & be responsible members of society by helping Grievous out. They got him an audience with the council of the largest native trading organization on planet, aptly called Hakaleel. This surprised Grievous because Ked’jat & Daka were literally the two least law-abiding Kaleesh he knew. They must have been on their best behavior to get a meeting with an esteemed legitimate business council. He was not without his suspicions.

Hakaleel was already well aware of the planetary embargoes they were facing. Their High Trade Chief, Yaitee (ee-eye-tee) was present at the meeting Grievous had at the capital with Bryaru’s father. So, the Hakaleel trade council was pretty much in various states of the stages of grief. Hakaleel had an excellent local reputation; Kaleeshi people were not keen on material greed as a trait. The trade council were legitimately thinking of the economic impact on the people. The fact that they were themselves facing down poverty was just a bonus.

Yaitee, in a delicate manner, admits to being almost completely locked out of all nearby extraplanetary trade routes by Republic ban on official registered vessels in their system’s airspace & exorbitant fees otherwise in a currency they scarcely even had any access to. They had been combing over the documentations the Republic was gracious enough to provide them & came to much the same conclusion. There wasn’t anything they could legally do about it. After this admission there was a long heavy pause after which Grievous replied, “What about illegally?”

He had known Yaitee to be a very keen & straight-laced man. He could see his lips purse beneath the edges of his mask. Desperation does much to test a person’s image of themselves. Yaitee said, “Let us see what input our Captain of Imports has on the matter.” Grievous could almost feel the energy of Ked’jat & Daka doing their best to maintain their composure. Yaitee & his scribe led the three of them down to their spaceport. It was not on the scale of anything in the core worlds by any means but it used to be quite busy just a year before. The fact that Grievous had expanded his crusade against the Huk to the neighboring systems actually did a lot to improve relations & they had seen more traffic than usual despite the Yam’rii.

Now it was very quiet. In what looked to be a sort of central gate there was a stocky, medium height Kaleesh woman of day gecko colors standing in front of an equally colorful display of spices. She was looking forlornly at an old datapad from behind her hunt veil before Yaitee introduced her as Captain Blys’aan of Hakaleel Imports.

Grievous was like, “I hate to ask, Captain Blys’aan, but how are things.”

To which Blys’aan, in this warm mix of Caribbean & local Slavic space-adjacent accents, replied, “BOY lemme tell you. Is grim! So grim! Precious few of our off vendors want to pay the fees for reaching us out here on the edge of wild space & not ONE of them are willing to defy the Republic openly. Can’t blame most of them. We can’t afford to regularly offset the fees with oh- anything on our planet.”

Grievous was just like, “Yeah I thought as much.”

“Does the Great Khaganate General Grievous have any enlightenment for us today?” Blys’aan asked sarcastically. Not because she didn’t respect him, but because the situation was that dire.

Grievous deadpan replies, “How do you feel about pirates.”

“Oooh boi, I knew I was going to like you. Guess what, I already have a few in contact,” Blys’aan reacted very excited.

Yaitee was like, “Blys’aan what the fuck.”

But she just lays it out like, “Lissen Yaitee, sweetie, da core worlds want civilized societies. But when we try to advance? No. We should have done that already. We don’ warrant de resources.”

“Yaitee, you hire some tough sons to protect my inventory managers & you deal wit dese pirates. T’ings have to change with or witout us. You are best on Kalee at wheelin & dealin. If anybody try to throw us down river? De General will kill them. Won’t you, big boy?” She tapped his chest with the back of her hand like she was indicating quality stock.

With absolutely zero hesitation Grievous goes, “Yeah, I will. The Republic is not a popular as they like to think. You will find people willing to work.”

Blys’aan says, “I t’ink I’m gonna step down. Hakaleel doesn’t need my brand o customer service anymore. Everytin gonna work out. Or maybe no. I hope I get myself a husband before I get killed by pirates…”

It was at this point the Ked’jat & Dakaliidae can no longer contain themselves & go full gremlin mode. “Grievous is taking wives.” Ked’jat says. “Yeah, he is available.” Daka follows.

Grievous is just like, “I’m- I literally have- you just set me up with your sister-”

Blys’aan again gets very jubilant. “Oooh. You have a hard limit on that number? My pedigree maybe not so shiny as others but I can cook better than your hearth mothers, I bet this.”

Daka interjects, “Also. you came down here to denounce legally binding documents from the Grand Army of the Republic & she was already one step ahead of you.”

“That is true. I am impressed,” Grievous admired only to immediately regret it when Ked’jat says to her, “Oho, hear that? He’s impressed, bima-” Grievous is just stone faced wondering what is wrong with these two.

“Or. I could stay in my position & be killed by pirates,” Blys’aan says with a very overexaggerated sigh.

Daka grabs one of Grievous’s shoulders, really pouring it on thick like, “Ah, General, what if she is killed by pirates? So sad.”

Blys’aan gives Grievous big sad green puppy dog eyes. There is half a minute of silence.

“Very well, you can accompany me home & we’ll see how it goes,” Grievous relents. Ked’jat is like furiously giving her a thumbs up from behind Grievous, mouthing dumb shit like, “Girl that means yes!”

#blys'aan #about his family #I had fun & that's what matters

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itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto · 4 years

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The new cast member.. Part 1

A/N: Hi everyone, this is a new mini series where reader is cast as the new agent on Criminal Minds, and Matthew has the biggest crush on her! I’m not sure how many parts I’ll do yet, but hopefully more than three!

Everyone placed their votes over the next month and you won, the crew just needed to get hold of you to ask you, if not, they’d go with the runner up, Jodie Comer.

Flashback

“Okay guys... We’re halfway into this series and we will start to film the next one in two months, but we need your input. After the departure of Agent Smith, we need a new agent and would like all of you to vote for who you’d like to be casted.” The director, Simon, began, “Obviously, we cannot guarantee that we will be able to please all of you, but we have had letters from fans with suggestions.”

“Those suggestions are Jodie Comer from Killing Eve, Y/N Y/S/N who’s a comedian from the U.K and has a Netflix special, Ellen Page from the Umbrella Academy and Phoebe Waller-Bridge from Fleabag.” Daniella, Simon’s assistant said, reading from her laptop.

“Isn’t Y/N Y/S/N the one you have a crush on?” Shemar whispered to Matthew.

Matthew’s cheeks flushed, “No.”

“Your cheeks say otherwise.” Kirsten said squishing his cheeks, unlike his character, Matthew loved PDA. “So cute.” She added.

“We can all vote for her if you want Matthew.” Thomas said sipping his coffee.

“She’s so funny, I think she has a gig here next month. We should all go.” A.J suggested to everyone on the table.

“She is. Matthew and I watched her comedy special on Netflix and I wet myself laughing.” Paget said as Matthew’s cheeks continued to flush as he sunk into his seat.

“I’ll sort tickets.” Daniella said, looking at her laptop. “Anyone who wants to go let me know by the end of Wednesday.”

“I don’t even think Y/N Y/S/N has an agent, so she is probably the easiest of the four to get hold of.” Matthew finally said.

“Are you going pretty boy?” Shemar asked Matthew with a smirk.

Matthew nods, “Yeah. Like Paget said, she’s hilarious.”

“And you totally have a crush on her.” A.J said as Matthew’s cheeks went red again as he sipped his coffee.

One month later, you are in California for your week run at a comedy venue whilst the cast and crew are getting in their seats whilst you are backstage going over your jokes again. It’s your last day of the show but you are here for a week more to explore the city.

“I can’t believe we get to see her live, one of the ushers said the venue was sold out for the entire week!” Kirsten said, all excited, just like her character, Penelope.

“Anyone want a drink from the bar?” Joe asked

“Sure, I’ll give you a hand.” Matthew said getting up. “Everyone want their usual?” He asks

They all nod.

At the bar

“Are you excited Matthew?” Joe asks, as he sips his beer.

“Yeah. I’m a bit nervous too, for some reason. I feel like I’m the one about to go on stage.” Matthew laughed to himself.

“It’s because you like her, we all know.” Joe said as Matthew sips his beer, rolling his eyes as he pays for the drinks as Joe paid for the ones at dinner.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the show is going to start in 10 minutes, if you’d all like to go the bathroom, get a drink from the bar, go for a cigarette, whatever, I don’t care, just be back in 10 minutes. Oh, and exclusively for my last show here, I’m doing a 30 minute Q&A after the show so if you tweet your questions to me with the hashtag #asky/nshit , my Twitter name/handle is @Y/T/N and I will answer some of them at the end of the show, as well as talking to you lovely lot who have questions but don’t have social media.” You say through the intercom.

“My girlfriend saw the show yesterday, she said she wet her pants, she felt like our baby was going to come out there and then.” A guy said to his friend at the bar.

“That’s reassuring.” Matthew said to them as he joined Joe and went back to their seats

“Group selfie!” Kirsten said once Joe and Matthew got back into their seats and posted it to Instagram with the caption, “Team Criminal Minds on a night out seeing the hilarious @Y/N !!”

Meanwhile backstage, you hear your phone ping, you only have your notifications on for your favourite Instagrams, Twitters and texts.

You look at the photo Kirsten just uploaded and liked it, “Enjoy the show guys, I certainly enjoy yours! Thank you for coming!” You comment on it, trying not to glance at your favourite, and crush, Matthew.

“2 minutes Y/N.” The stage manager smiled at you. “The bar said they’ll bring you up a glass of water and a beer during the interval too.” He said

“Thanks Tommy, you’ve been awesome this week for my first time in America. I’ve left you and the team a present in your office.” You said with a smile

“Oh my god! She replied guys!” Kirsten squealed at her phone as Matthew glances at it with a smile.

You walk on stage after introducing yourself, with a little crowd work and then you start.

“And that’s why I don’t take my Grandma out for dinner anymore.” You say finishing the joke as everyone is left in stitches and crying of laughter. “Okay everyone, little 15 minute break so I can scream into the void, and you can all get another drink, cigarette, have a quickie, whatever … and then I will be back to for the Q&A so there is still time to tweet me a question or think of one and I’ll pick on you in the second half!” You say and walk off stage leaving everyone laughing and clapping.

“Her material is so clever, she swears but it’s not offending anyone.” Shemar says.

“Have you asked a question Matthew?” A.J asks

“No. I can’t think of anything.” Matthew lied

“Are you single? Asking for a friend. #asky/nshit” A slightly tipsy Paget tweets

“No don’t tweet it...” Matthew said trying to grab Paget’s phone off her.

“It’s gone lover boy.” Joe laughed

“I need a drink.” Matthew groaned

“Coming right up.” Thomas said and went to the bar with Shemar and Kirsten

“Delete that. Please.” Matthew pleaded to Paget

“Nu-uh. It’s time you got out there Matthew.” Paget winked

15 minutes later the show starts again, as does the Q&A

“Okay so first question, from @TomS89, what is your favourite TV show? Oh that’s easy… Criminal Minds.” You smile, winking at the cast but choose not to say they’re in the audience.

You go through a few more questions, “Ha this one made me laugh from @pagetpaget Are you single? Asking for a friend. Paget, I’m a single pringle. Your friend can talk to me as long as he’s cute.” You smile, wondering who her friend could be.

You continue your questions for the remaining 20 minutes, overrunning slightly as you were thanking the team at the venue for everything that they did for you. “Thanks guys! I’ll hopefully be back soon! If anyone has any recommendations for what I should do, please tweet them to me, I’m here another week.” You say, bow and walk off stage and the lights go back up as everyone applauds.

“My cheeks hurt laughing from laughing so much.” Kirsten said, as Shemar wrapped his arm around her waist as Matthew looked down, wishing he had someone special to do that to.

“Do you mean your ass cheeks or your facial cheeks?” A.J asked laughing

“Both.” Kirsten laughed

“Anyone up for a drink at the bar down the road? We don’t have filming tomorrow.” Thomas suggested

“Sure.” Everyone agrees and heads to the bar.

“We should have tweeted asking if she’d join us at the bar.” A.J said nudging Matthew

At the bar

“Is that… No way...” Kirsten said, with her jaw dropping.

To be continued!

Taglist: @pumpkin-goob , @jpegjade , @andiebeaword , @hopebaker , @hotchsbabygirl , @hercleverboy , @cupcake525 , @gubetube , @aperrywilliams , @cosmic-psychickitty , @marleyhotchner

#criminal minds fic #Matthew Gray Gubler #shemar moore #Thomas Gibson #paget brewster #kirsten vangsness #aj cook #joe mantegna #Matthew Gray Gubler fiction #Matthew Gray Gubler fluff #my fics

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allsassnoclass · 3 years

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i hate that i didn't say hi in that last request. HI hazel what do you think about!! "MY MOM KNITTED YOU A JUMPER" for malum? that sounds like the malum i love!! love u <3

hello hello hello here you go!

Ficmas Day 4

Rating: General Audiences

Read on AO3

Christmas in London is very different from Christmas in Australia. For one thing, there’s snow on the ground. It’s not much, tramped over by boots and mixed with the dirt to create sludge along the streets, but it’s still present on the ground. For another thing, it’s cold. Australian temperatures can dip down in winter, but by December it’s warm again, summer sun heating skin from the moment you step outside. It’s strange to be at the end of December and have to put on a coat outside. It’s also a little colder than Australia ever gets, and Michael finds himself seeking out blankets inside the house and shoving beanies over his hair before he sets foot outside.

It’s also different because Liz is the only parent around. All of them had to barter extensively with their parents to convince them to even let them come to London, and once they realized they probably wouldn’t have Christmas together it prompted a new flurry of discussions about the exact timeline of the move. In the end, professional interest won out over familial traditions, and Michael isn’t upset about heading to London early, but he’s careful not to mention the ache of loneliness in his stomach when he calls home.

He’s not really lonely. He has Calum, Luke, and Ashton, and Liz ensures that they all eat actual meals and get enough sleep and always have someone to turn to when they need a motherly hug. They have a little fake tree with some lights and generic ornaments on it, and Liz has been snatching packages as soon as the post delivers them, shifty about the contents inside. Michael isn’t worried about gifts, because being in London is his Christmas present, and it’s kind of nice to get the full Northern-Hemisphere-Winter-Experience shown in all of the movies.

It would be worse if he didn’t have Calum. It would be worse if he didn’t have all of them, but Calum has always felt like home in a way that few other people ever will. He’s been Michael’s best friend through thick and through thin, and he’s the one who brought Luke into their life and who’s agreement to do the band kick-started their process. Michael can always count on him to cheer him up on bad days and share his happiness on good ones, and living in London is a lot like an extension of the sleepovers they’ve been having since before they hit double-digits. The biggest difference is that they’re in separate beds rather than piled sleeping bags on the floor.

On Christmas Eve, Michael wakes up late and spends a long time laying in his bed, debating whether he should bother getting up or let himself melt into his mattress. Luke and Liz had plans for the day that they had suggested dragging everyone else along for, but Luke’s bed is empty and Michael can’t hear other activity in the house, so they probably left already. Michael doesn’t mind. He’s been tramping around London a lot lately, and a day to recharge is fine with him.

When his stomach finally growls, he heaves himself out of bed, throwing back the covers and shivering at the change in air temperature. He needs socks. He needs long sleeves. It's winter in England, and that is not conducive to getting out of bed right now.

He manages to find socks that smell clean and a t-shirt that seems passable. Hunger pushes him towards the kitchen before an acceptable hoodie can be found, but he can always sneak into the other room and steal one of Calum's. Calum's hoodies tend to be some of the most comfortable, and he guards them carefully. He always lets Michael keep it on if he's caught wearing one, though, which is more than can be said for the other two.

Calum enters the kitchen once Michael's toast pops. Michael has an irrational fear that the toaster popping will startle him bad enough to bite the tip of his tongue off, so he's partially thankful that Calum makes his appearance then and distracts him, even if his presence startles him more than the toast ever could.

"I didn't know you were home," he says in answer to Calum's raised eyebrows.

"Liz took Luke and Ashton. They'll be gone all day."

"Doing what?"

Calum shrugs. "I think Liz is still getting presents for the family to send for New Years and wanted Luke to help. Ashton just likes being out of the house."

Ashton is probably trying to find gifts for his own family. Michael already sent some kitschy souvenirs for his parents, although they haven’t reached Australia yet. He'll get them something better later, when he actually figures out what they would appreciate.

"Toast?" he offers.

"I'm making noodles," Calum says.

"Can I have some?"

"Yeah, okay."

Michael hums and slumps against him. Everyone should have a Calum in their lives. He's a space heater and a chef and a great bassist rolled into one, and he's pretty low maintenance. Michael only has to give him undying love to get all of the perks.

They keep a comfortable silence while Calum cooks and Michael eats, enjoying existing together rather than filling the air with mindless chit chat. Michael takes a shower when he finishes his toast, and Calum has the noodles ready when he's done. After lunch, they migrate to the living room, taking advantage of the empty house to finally play Fifa uninterrupted. Calum wins more than Michael, but he's not mad about it however much he pretends to be. Calum is often humble to a fault, so Michael is happy to let him rub these victories in his face.

Calum goes to check the mail while Michael gets more snacks. He comes back with two packages, one that he distractedly puts on the couch and another that he looks at curiously. It's bigger than a shoe box, taped together securely over some colorful paper.

"What's that?" Michael asks.

"From my mum," Calum says. "Your mum sent Liz something."

"What? What is it?"

"I don't know," Calum says. "It's a crime to open someone else's mail."

"But it's from my mum."

"Maybe she and Liz gossip about you. If it's meant for you, you'll get it tomorrow."

Michael pouts. Calum is, unfortunately, very resistant to his pouting. He also takes the package and makes Michael put it in Liz's room before Michael can get too curious and start shaking it. He could still peak, but then he'd have to contend with Calum's disappointed face. That's not something anyone should have to face on Christmas Eve.

"Michael!" Calum calls from the living room. "Get out here!"

"Why?"

"Mum sent you something!"

Michael leaves the package on Liz's bed and tramps back to the living room. Calum grins and holds up a dark blue sweater with two white stripes stretching around it.

"My mum knit you a jumper!"

"For me?" he asks. Calum nods enthusiastically.

"Put it on," Calum says. "She wants a picture."

He holds out the jumper, letting Michael slip his hands in the arms and helping him pull it over his head. It's a little big, spacious and comfortable, and the yarn is soft. Michael doesn't know the difference between any of the stitches, but they're fun and feel fancy.

"She said she made it big so we can grow into them."

Calum pulls another jumper out, just like Michael's except in green. When he puts it on, Michael resists the urge to help fix his hair, unruly from the static.

"I can't believe your mum knit me a jumper," Michael says.

"She's going to do one for Luke and Ashton, too, but she wanted to get yours done quickly. She said you're an ice cube in our winters, so she was worried about how you were handling this one."

Michael feels a rush of affection for Joy Hood. The entire Hood family is his favorite family besides his own, even without considering the fact that Calum is his favorite person.

Calum snaps a selfie, tilting his phone so they both fit in frame. Michael presses close, faces centimeters away, and ensures that his grin is bright and happy, trying to push as much gratitude into one picture as possible. Calum doesn’t step away while he sends it and Michael once again leans against him.

“Tell her I love it,” he says, looping his arms around Calum’s waist. He slips his hands under the hem of Calum’s shirt and presses them against his stomach, making him squirm and swear.

“Get your icicle hands off me!” he laughs, but Michael has a grip now and doesn’t let him go until they’re tumbling onto the couch in a tangled, giggly mess.

“Still want to play another round?” Calum asks once he catches his breath. Michael considers it, but he can’t properly cuddle with Calum if he has to hold a game controller, so he shakes his head.

“Movie?” he suggests instead. Calum shrugs and grabs the remote, shutting down the game and switching the input so they can browse through Netflix. Michael stretches out and Calum fits himself against him, pulling a blanket from the back of the couch to cover their legs. It’ll probably get too warm about thirty minutes into whatever they decide to watch, but for now it’s perfect. Michael tucks himself lower into his sweater and pulls Calum closer to him, savoring every piece of warmth he can get.

#my writing #malum #5sos fanfic #ficmas 2020 #hey did you guys know that I love malum #because I do!#also apologies Taylor I got this out later than I wanted and you might be asleep? or getting ready to sleep?#if so hope you enjoy getting this gift in the morning #fun fact I looked up whether Australia says sweater or jumper #it seems like jumper might be it?

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spicycreativity · 3 years

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Fanfic Appreciation Week Day 7: A Place Where I Can Breathe

Yes, folks, I'm appreciating my own darn fanfic for the final day of Fanfic Appreciation Week because I worked really hard on it and it was a labor of love for/with one of my QPPs, my roommate, the man who got me into Sanders Sides: @\cadeorade-powercade (That's him in the aesthetic board)

Allow me to present the director's commentary for A Place Where I Can Breathe:

Content Warnings: All content warnings mentioned in the fic apply.

Chapter 1: I actually wrote this fairly late in the game. It's meant to serve as a prologue and orient the viewer in the universe, s opposed to staring on Chapter 2, which just throws the viewer in without context. I think it was a good choice, as it also allowed me to introduce the concept of the Sides having power focuses early on.

The Premise: Cade is a Virgil stan and he was getting frustrated looking for Virgil fic. He was finding a lot of stuff written without nuance by young authors, a sort of "by teenagers for teenagers" type deal. We are not teenagers, so we both have a hard time relating to that kind of teen angst fic, as we're not the target audience. So he asked me to write him a Virgil fic and we worked together to identify what plot he wanted, what the Mindscape looked like, and what quirks the Sides have. So a lot of this fic is quite gratuitous and self-indulgent

The Title: Lizzie McAlpine has a song called "Apple Pie" which includes the lyric "I've been running around trying to find a place where I can breathe." Apple Pie SCREAMS Moceit to me, and I had taken notice of the lyric and wanted to use it as the title for a Moceit fic. I didn't really have an idea beyond that, and when Cade asked me to write this fic, I realized it was actually perfect and summed up Virgil's inner struggle quite nicely. So cheers to "A Place Where I Can Breathe," the Moceit Fic That Wasn't

-Cade asked me specifically to include Virgil having a spider and I wrote nearly the whole fic without doing so, then had to go back and sprinkle some references in. I think I managed 2 total.

Chapter 2:

"Uh, how about I hold off on that until I actually see my room?" Virgil stared expectantly at Roman, who bounced on his toes. "Lead on, Macduff."

"That's not the line and you know it," Roman complained, but he turned to lead Virgil to his room. "It's ' lay on, Macduff,' and--"

-This fic was originally supposed to reach a climax with a confrontation between Remus and Roman, and "lay on, Macduff" would come back as a brick joke. Unfortunately, the original ending was a result of me getting tired and lazy, so I had to go back and fix it, and we lost the Roman-Remus confrontation.

It was hard for Virgil to not shudder at the sudden heat and weight on him. With his senses already open and taking in more information than his brain seemed to want to process, touch was an added stressor, more unwanted sensory input.

-Virgil being touch-averse is a direct shoutout to Cade, who is also touch-averse.

Roman had already transformed the living room: metallic streamers of purple and black stretched across the corners of the ceiling, and shiny balloons spelling out A-N-X-E-I-T-Y hovered above the TV.

-Upon first writing, Virgil had already given the upstairs crew his name, so the banner spelled out "VIRIGL" which is way funnier than "ANXEITY." But then his name reveal became a plot point so I had to go back and change it.

-Let! Virgil! Be! Mean!

-Virgil's line about hearing refrigerator noise when Roman talks is another shout-out to Cade, who has leveled that accusation at me

A small, cruel part of him protested at the idea that he would need special treatment and desperately wanted to throw it back in Patton's face. He wasn't a sweetheart, he wasn't a baby. He didn't need to crawl into a blanket fort with Dad just because he was a little stressed.

-Remus calls Janus "Janus Geminus" because I was tired and couldn't come up with a pun. "Geminus" is one of the Roman god Janus' epithets; another is "Pater" meaning "Father." That led to a conversation about Remus deliberately confusing Patton by calling Janus "Daddy," but I couldn't think of a clean way to fit the explanation into the narrative, so I stuck with "Geminus."

Chapter 3:

"There's nothing normal about that! " Roman stared in horror at the coffee massacre Virgil had orchestrated. What had once been a respectable (if not very tasty) cup of black coffee was now part of a 1:1 coffee to milk suspension, the liquid a tasteful shade of tan suitable for business casual trousers or a show-ready chihuahua.

-Cade is a certified Nightmare Man and came up with Virgil's horrifying coffee order after I asked him about it. Keep an eye out for Janus' equally horrifying coffee order later in the fic.

1) Shouts out the fact that Janus is canonically a Dostoevsky fan

Chapter 4:

Janus smiled at him. "Where reason fails, the Devil helps." He fussed with his gloves and straightened his capelet. "It's showtime."

-I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Look at me. Look at me. I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Janus' quoting Raskolnikov serves multiple purposes:

2) Lampshades the fact that Roman just conveniently happened to be alone in the living room, because I didn't want to waste time getting him there. That makes me, the author, the Devil

3) Foreshadows the impending disaster. When Raskolnikov says this line it is because he had planned to commit axe murder. The axe he was planning to steal had been moved, but he finds another, different axe to use. Raskolnikov messes up the murder and ends up killing an innocent witness in addition to his intended target. Janus messes up his manipulation attempt and ends up murdering Roman's self esteem

-I was going to include a reference to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (Remus' line "debauchery and vomit" was originally going to be "blood, love, and rhetoric") but I didn't because... Uh... Hm. Why didn't I do that. Maybe I just forgot about it???

-Roman is too stubborn to manipulate for long and that is a fact.

"I was pretty much done anyway," Remus said. "There's only so much debauchery and vomit you can fit into one story."

-Cade specifically ask me that nobody cry in this fic, but after I had Janus eviscerate Roman I knew he couldn't not cry a little. I kept it to a minimum because there's already a billion fucking fics about [literally any Side] crying on the shoulder of [literally any other Side] and it's really just not interesting to either of us.

-It didn't come up because it doesn't matter, but Thomas dreamed he was participating in the exact Dionysian orgy that took place in The Secret History because it's my fic and I said so.

Chapter 5:

He just sat back and watched and tugged at his hair while Janus spooned mound after mound of crisp white sugar into his mug and Virgil poured his customary eight fluid ounces of milk into his own mug.

-Cade strikes again. Virgil's coffee order is equal amounts milk to coffee; Janus' is equal parts sugar to coffee. He had asked me to include a scene where Roman catches Janus massacring his coffee and is appropriately horrified, but I uhh... Didn't write it. I still might include it as an omake someday.

-I imagine that Roman feels really strongly about dragons vs wyverns, and Remus just pretends to give a shit because he thinks it's funny to wind Roman up. Fortunately for me but unfortunately for my sense of realism in writing, I can't relate because I adore my sister and we get along perfectly almost 100% of the time.

"You shut us down every chance you get!" Remus said, baring his teeth. "How would you like it if your pens never wrote, hm? What would you do with all those thoughts in your head?"

-I do wish I had developed the concept of power focuses a bit more, established rules and such. Basically, Patton is always on the prowl for wrongthink and actively represses it, which in turn breaks or sabotages the Dark Sides' power focus.

Chapter 6: This chapter really should have been Janus and Roman but I was really tired and didn't want to bother with it. Plus, you know, Moceit. This chapter was meant to demonstrate how the characters would get along without Virgil nannying them. There's friction, but everyone is making a conscious, deliberate effort to get along because they love Virgil, and love is a series of choices you make.

I chose "Leo" as the answer for the answer to the crossword clue instead of "Virgo," because my other QPP is a Leo. She'll never read this fic, but I did it anyway because I love her. (Trivia: My sign is Virgo, so it was really a choice between shouting her out and shouting me out, and the last chapter is self-indulgent enough, thank you).

Chapter 7: I was gonna write a fic where all the Sides watched Cats the Musical because I was going through a phase. Then Cade requested this so I combined the two ideas. By this point I was fucking exhausted, and that's the only thing that saved you and the rest of the world from me writing the Sides riffing on the movie scene-by-scene. I could come up with snarky commentary for almost every, if not every single song from the movie.

Most notably, I cut a Patton-Remus interaction where Remus declares his love for Grizabella and Patton gets all staryy-eyed about Remus connecting with the idea of rising above rejection and being loved and accepted only for Remus to shoot him down and explain that he just likes that she got to die in a tire fire.

Other cut scenes include Janus quietly pretending not to go feral over Mister Mistoffelees, Patton full-on fucking sobbing over Grizabella and the kittens, and Logan experiencing a deep, soulful kinship with Munkustrap during Of The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollices (and henceforth introducing the phrase "like herding cats" into his regular vocabulary

#spicypost #fanfic appreciation week

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the-currian · 4 years

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#7 with the muse of your choice pls :3

Hi, dear! Sorry this took so long - things have been crazy at work <(＿　＿)>

pls allow me to choose sakyo x izumi as my muses ahaha once i saw the prompt i just knew it had to be them *takes place in somewhat canon-verse, before the new Autumn Troupe’s formation*

7. “I promised you that I would be with you forever, but you were the one who left me behind.”

After years of trying to forget her, Sakyo can’t believe that he found Izumi again at the exact same place where he first met her.

His childhood crush and dream of acting were quickly crushed, however, when she showed no signs of remembering him. Quickly brushing aside his rekindled feelings, he assumed his business personality, giving her an ultimatum. Of course, he expected her to fail – there was no reviving washed up dreams, after all – but she miraculously managed to wrangle two new members into joining the company. With that, he decided to humor their pipe dream by giving them a new set of terms and conditions.

When asked by his colleagues about what happened to collecting the debt he tells them that it was done on a whim, but in reality? He was interested in seeing just how far the little girl who sparked his first dream to life could take this.

Weeks pass and he hears no news from the theater, so he decides to drop by. The actors trickle into the practice room one by one, but the person that Sakyo truly wants to see is nowhere to be found. His patience wears thin as they conspicuously whisper about him so when Izumi finally makes her appearance, he is more short-tempered than usual.

“Have the tickets for closing night sold out yet?”

“That… that is – “ she stammers, apprehension visible on her face.

“You fail even if there’s only one empty seat.” He snaps, inching a bit closer to her.

This prompts the troupe members to move in front of Izumi, forming somewhat of a barricade between them.

“I get it already!” Izumi says, seeming unperturbed by the younger men’s actions.

Sakyo scoffs at their display of camaraderie. “Good, then.”

As he walks out with a flourish, he can’t help but feel a twinge of envy at how quickly they’ve all become attached to one another. Walking out of the building, he slows down his pace, trying to calm himself down.

‘If, no – when they fail, I won’t have to deal with this nonsense anymore.’

The girl and the Mankai Company will be a faint memory he can finally let go of.

But then closing night comes sooner than he expected, and he finds himself barging into backstage where they seem to be in high spirits over their full house. He narrows his eyes at them, regarding them with utter disdain. The ragtag team of actors Izumi managed to rally together are getting too comfortable, and he needs to put them in their place.

Maybe it’s nostalgia taking over him as he regards the director, but instead of berating them for being complacent, he ends up giving a full-blown lecture on how to keep the company up and running. Suddenly, he’s interrupted by Izumi’s laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Sakyo snaps. “Pay attention when someone’s talking.”

“No, I just thought that you’re actually a nice guy; you keep looking after us.” She says, giving him a smile that he recognizes all too well from his youth.

Sakyo feels the tips of his ears burning, and before anyone can notice, he quickly tells Sakoda to get a move on. Right before he closes the door, however, he decides to leave with one last statement, wondering if she would catch on.

“Today’s theater reminds me of the past.” He says, directing a small grin towards Izumi. Before she can comment, he rushes out the door.

Later that night, Sakyo notices the lights of the theater still on.

‘It couldn’t be…’ he thinks, making his way through the doors. There on stage is Izumi, observing the set with a small smile on her face. ‘I wonder if she got to live out her dream as an actor.’

“Why are you making an expression like you got the job done?” he finds himself blurting out.

Predictably, Izumi whirls around, flustered at his sudden appearance. “You haven’t gone home yet, Sakyo?”

“The lights were still on, so I came to check if there was anyone suspicious hanging around.”

Izumi looks at him with a gaze that he can’t quite decipher, making him look away due to the awkward atmosphere.

“This is not the time to be slacking off, you know. You’ve only finished one performance – you still have to hold three more and gather fifteen new members.”

“Three performances… fifteen new members…” Izumi murmurs, a pensive yet determined look on her face.

Satisfied, a smirk plays across his lips. “It seems you’ve finally come to your senses. Keep up the pace.”

The look on Izumi’s face turns into something else, and Sakyo can feel his feelings from the past bubble up to the surface once more.

“Sakyo, you don’t actually hate this theater, right? It seems you know about its past, too.”

“Hm. I wonder.” He murmurs, hastily changing the topic, hoping that she doesn’t notice the light flush of his face. “So, have you fixed your eye on some new members for the Summer Troupe?”

“I’ll be holding an audition but there are some people I already have in mind.”

“Oh?”

“Yep! So you better look forward to Summer Troupe’s play, okay?”

“Heh. We’ll see.”

He leaves the theater that night feeling more lighthearted than he has for a long time.

Weeks pass and he just can’t get the thought of the Mankai Company out of his head. Seeing how comfortable and open Izumi was with the new troupe made Sakyo feel things he thought he had closed his heart to a long time ago.

‘Perhaps it’s time for another visit.’

This time when Sakyo arrives at the practice room, the new troupe is so rowdy that they don’t even notice him. Seeing them interact so candidly with one another has him reminisce about the old troupe.

...That is, until they start arguing. As things become more chaotic, their refreshing image that they had going for them immediately vanishes.

‘Never mind, I take it back.’

“Is this a zoo…” he says loudly, room going silent from his sudden input.

Izumi turns to face him. “Since when did you arrive?!”

“I’ve been watching the practice up until now.”

As the two stare at each other, waiting for the other to make the next move, Sakyo’s ears pick up the not-so-surreptitious whispers of the troupe, hearing words like ‘yakuza’ and ‘consultant’, which only serve to further piss him off.

“Oi, what are you mumbling about?”

“Why did you come?” Izumi asks, drawing his attention back to her.

“I just wanted to check whether you could pay back the debt. Judging by this, I guess it’d be difficult.”

She bares her teeth at him in a display of defiance. “If it’s about our play, we’re doing just fine.”

Despite himself, he can’t help but tease her. “The success of Spring Troupe’s play was pure luck. Don’t think that you can manage it again this time.”

Seeing the looks of apprehension of the people in the room, he goes off on another lecture, just to spite them.

“Oi, are you listening?”

Izumi looks likes she suddenly snapped out of a daze. “Y-yes, I understood!”

Sakyo regards her for a moment before storming out, suddenly feeling out of place with all of the Summer Troupe’s eyes on him.

This time even faster than the last, closing night for the Summer Troupe rolls around. Instead of making his way backstage, however, he stays in his seat, losing himself in the memory of the good old days.

‘She’s doing perfectly fine on her own, huh…’

His eyes close as he thinks back to his childhood memories with Izumi. Slowly, they become replaced with this newer, confident version of her that leads without hesitation, getting along with her new peers while leaving him to fade away.

‘I promised you that I would be with you forever, back then… But it looks like you were the one who left me behind.’

“Sakyo!” her voice calls out to him, and he quickly pulls himself back into reality.

‘That’s all in the past. This is your present situation with her. Suck it up and accept it.’

“What is it? Did you come to return the money?” he asks, reminding himself to keep his distance.

“No!” she quickly shoots back. He raises his eyebrows at her reaction, and her cheeks flush from his scrutiny. “Th-that’s not it…”

“Hm. I had my doubts when I saw that article, but it seems you’re doing well.” He stands up and slowly walks towards her. “But don’t lose your focus yet. Remember, if you fail to attract more audiences, I’ll crush the theater.”

Seeing the blank look on her face, he sighs, deciding to throw her a bone and give her some more advice. “Remember, in order to increase your profits, you should probably consider merchandise. And then – “

“W-wait a minute!” she suddenly interrupts, throwing her hands out in front of her. “I didn’t come here to hear your lecture!”

“…What is it, then?”

She draws even closer to him, determined eyes focused on his face, lifting her hand up as if reaching out to him. He tries his hardest to not blush from her actions.

“You sure have the guts to glare at a yakuza. If you’re looking for a fight – “

“What are you saying?!” she sputters, reeling back.

“That should be my line. Staring at a guy’s face too much will give him ideas.” He berates her, willing his heart to calm down. “And… why are you looking at me that way, anyway?”

Suddenly, a flyer is shoved into his face.

“Hey. Don’t just push paper at a person’s face! Are you trying to kill me?!”

‘Don’t do that. Don’t get close. Don’t get my hopes up.’ He thinks. Shaking his head as if it would make the thoughts go away, he snatches the paper from her hands.

“What is this anyway… a pamphlet?”

“It’s a pamphlet for Autumn Troupe’s audition.”

“…What is the meaning of this?”

“I want to scout you.”

He’s honestly stunned. Of all the things that she would have asked of him, he never expected this. He quickly schools his face into one of indifference, however, unwilling to get his hopes up and let his walls down for her.

“To think that you’d even scout a yakuza.” He says, brushing her off. “You must be really desperate, huh.”

And then she does the unexpected.

She remembers him.

As she explains her suspicions about his past with the theater to him, he zones out, lost in the past, back in time when it was them against the world. A time when he relied on her, and in return, he vowed to become a person that she could rely on, too. But after all these years, it seemed that she was doing perfectly fine on her own… without him.

“Please come to the audition. I’m begging you.”

He takes in her determined stance and familiar glint in her eyes – reminiscent of the girl he used to know, but now fully bloomed and confident in her own skin. A wave of fondness for her washes over him, and he finally allows himself to welcome it with open arms.

“You’ve become a competent director, huh.”

Sakyo smiles at Izumi, a genuine smile that stuns her into silence. Chuckling, he ruffles her hair and her cheeks redden at the familiarity she feels from the action.

“But you still look like a little girl to me.”

Izumi can only sputter incoherently as Sakyo heads for the exit.

“I’ll think about it.” He says, sparing her a glance back. “Bye.”

Before he can close the door, he hears her voice ring out, “You should totally come! I’ll wait for you, Sakyo!”

Maybe he could fulfill his promise to her, after all.

#a3!#sakyo x izumi #a3! scenarios #sakyo furuichi #izumi tachibana #a3! act! addict! actors!

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rockrevoltmagazine · 3 years

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INTERVIEW: TODD MICHAEL HALL

RockRevolt Magazine: Lets talk about your debut solo album coming out in early May, Sonic Healing. I gave it a listen and fans of classic rock should be very excited for this record. There’s no questions bands that had a major influence on you such as Boston, Rush & Foreigner influenced the direction of this album. Sonic Healing could plug right into this era. Tell us how it all came together.

TODD MICHAEL HALL: I have wanted to do an old school rock album for quite a few years now. Something I talked with Joe at Rat Pack Records about. I knew Joe because he negotiated with my band Riot and the last Riot album almost got released on Rat Pack Records. At the time Joe asked if I might want to do a solo album. He was thinking something in the metal vain, I was thinking more old school rock. It didn’t end up going anywhere at the time. Then after being on The Voice, the song “Juke Box Hero,” which I did and I consider to be in the classic rock category. I don’t consider it hair metal like Blake Shelton did. Not sure why he jumped to hair metal, apparently when people hear me they think of hair metal. Anyway it was kind of hitting, it had like a million views on YouTube. So then I call up Joe and said I’m telling you I really want to do something in the classic rock vain. I have a bunch of songs written, can you hook me up with someone that can help me transform them into hard rock. The thing is when I write as a songwriter I write by myself. I play on acoustic guitar so what tends to come out is more singer/songwriter type stuff. He said I have this guy, and it happened to be Kurdt Vanderhoof from Metal Church. He said let me see if he’s interested. He talked to him and got back to me and said Kurdt loves classic rock, it’s a big influence on him also. He wants to talk. We got on a Zoom call and talked about what each of us had in mind. I told him I was looking for that riff oriented, melodic vocal, catchy chorus kind of stuff, feel good rock. He and I joke that we are both old enough to remember the KTEL commercial about freedom rock. With the hippie looking dude who says what’s that? The other guy is like that’s freedom rock. Well turn it up. (both of us laughing as I remember the commercial as well – classic). To this day Kurdt and I will be joking, turn it up dude. Kurdt’s a great guy, we just had a lot in common. Funny thing is I loaded up like 20 of my songs and suggested we just use some or all of it. He said it was great stuff and we can come back to that but why don’t we start with me just pouring out and writing some stuff and see what happens. Which was his polite way of saying Todd we’re not going to use your crap (joking). I get where is coming from. I never really experienced this before, he had to finish up something in Seattle and he got to his place in Southern CA and he called me and said I’m going to start writing now. A few days later he sent me five songs. Then he’s just sending like a song a day. I got another one then another. Over a period of like 21 days he sent me 18 songs that happened to be during the shutdown. I put total focus on it. I would walk around, listen to the songs and they were just singing to me. It was like he and I were having a battle. I would be like I just loaded one up to Dropbox and he would be like, yeah I’m loading up one tonight. Just back and forth. Literally these songs were written over the course of four weeks, last March into April. Then we did the final recordings not long after that. The album has been in the can since June it just took a long time to get all the promo material together with all the shutdowns. We really liked what he was doing and what we came up with. We just never got around to the songs I brought to him originally. It ended up being an all Kurdt and Todd thing.

How about the other parts on the album such as bass and drums? How did you handle that?

We recorded during the shutdown. Kurdt had his own home studio and I had the same thing. Kurdt basically played the bass and the drums on this as well, it’s all us. Of course for the video we wanted to have an entire band and the videographer, Jamie Brown, is the one that found people for us. The bass player is a fella named Drew Heart, he’s actually a singer from Las Vegas. He has a few different bands that he’s in. He’s also a singer on an album with Kurdt called Vanderhoof I think from the 90’s, he had some experience with Kurdt as well coincidentally. He’s not a bass player by trade but was in the video. It turns out he’s from Michigan and we got along really well. We have a lot of the same influences. It was fun to have him around, I would love to have him in a band, he would be great backup vocals. I’m not use to having singers in the bands I’m in. The drummer in video was a guy named Abel. It’s kind of a funny story. The “Overdrive” video was the second video we filmed. Day one we filmed a video for “Let Loose Tonight” and the drummer in that video is a different guy named Dustin and he wasn’t feeling well so the night before the second video Jamie called up Abel and asked if he could show up the next day and learn the song. He did an incredible job and really helped make the video great as he put on a great show.

youtube

Do you plan on touring behind the record?

Kurdt and I both have a lot of excitement behind the album, we both say it’s something we’d buy. We are excited to present it live but the challenge is if there is enough demand. From my time on The Voice a lot of people in my hometown would like to see that. Then maybe book some other shows locally over the course of a weekend. I know Kurdt has some people in mind to play with us if we were going to do something. But right now we are not sure we’ll have to see as things open back up.

Do you think you and Kurdt will work together again?

I would love to and I believe he feels the same way. We’ll see what happens. I remember the first album I did with Riot V, it felt magical. Then the second album we did felt more like a labor. That’s what I wonder, this first album with Kurdt was magical, so I’m curious to see how it would happen the second time around. I would say I’m definitely down for doing something again. I very much enjoy this style of music. But before then I have to record vocals for the next Riot album.

Getting into your experience on The Voice how did that come about and then of course you worked with Blake Shelton how was that?

I had seen shows like that over the years and was always somewhat interested. Then my sister got an email and said I should try out as they were having an audition in Chicago. I figured what the heck. I think there was a couple thousand people there. After I was done they said come on back tomorrow. Of course I wasn’t prepared, no change of clothes, toothbrush or anything. So I drove 5 hours back home. Then I had to prepare, I never did karaoke or have any tracks prepared so I had to get that together. So I ended up getting the “Juke Box Hero” track and Judas Priest “Another Thing Coming,” I think I did Bryan Adams “Someone Like You” and Journey “Don’t Stop Believing.” I did all but the Bryan Adams song the next day for them. It was a weird experience. Then I got a call back for a blind audition and when you are doing those you’re still in a group of 80+ people so you don’t know for sure. But I did get my shot. For me you sometimes fantasize, I wonder what could happen. But for me I didn’t think I would win or have a career in music only and not have the day job. I was going more for fun and a great experience and it was. Experiencing television and music production at that level it’s hard to describe, it’s amazing. And the people associated with the show were very friendly, nice to the musicians. Not like you are best friends, once the show is over they move on and have a new group to work with so it’s not like Blake and I are buddies. But everyone is really nice. No intent to slag the show but you don’t spend much time with your coach. Your time with the coach is on camera so there’s not a lot of interaction. Even with the song selection it’s not something you talk to them about. You’re more dealing with producers on that. Hopefully I’m not bursting anyone’s bubble on that. I would say as far as disappointments from the show, this is very minor compared to the lessons I took away. I just had this fantasy that Blake and I would sit down, have a beer together and just have a half hour to discuss influences and what we wanted to do and that wasn’t a possibility. But he’s a busy guy so I understand that.

I bet most people do have that fantasy, I’ll get on The Voice and will sit around talking music and work a plan together. But the reality is they are there for filming and drawing the audience but beyond that there’s no interaction. But it was a cool experience?

Yeah definitely. And I think if I got further that would be more the case. Before my knockout round they had to prepare me for my next song, “More Than A Feeling” by Boston if I had been back for the knockout round. If I had been back I would have been performing for Blake with the band. But we were doing it via video chat. We did chat it up a little bit. I think if you’re Todd Tillman who won for Blake’s team you probably got a little more chat time with Blake. I imagine the further you get the more personal time you get. It was a great experience. And great exposure.

Did things change for your music career or was it more of a blip and you move on?

To some extent it is kind of a blip. But you do gain followers on social media that you didn’t have before the show. That helps. I think the pop culture is a bit fickle. You see over 4 million views on my “Juke Box Hero” video and you think if I come out with a new album in a similar style I should really be able to key into this because there are so many people that liked it. Doesn’t necessarily translate that way. But I think there is so much noise and inputs and some many distractions. So I think The Voice has a certain apparatus that allows you to get a lot of attention but most of those people are more The Voice fans than your fans.

You mentioned you are working on a new album with Riot V, how’s that going?

It’s going well. I think the COVID situation had potentially two different effects on bands. One is I have all this free time for music. On the other hand it’s oh man we can’t go out and tour to support this album so why bother. And with no deadline you can kind of slack a bit and that’s kind of where the Riot album has been. We’ve had the songs written but let 2020 get away from us. We are just on hold to release the album until we can tour behind it.

Anything else going on?

I reached a point last year that my business, I run a manufacturing company for restaurant equipment so that had an impact which was stressful. Even now that orders are starting to come back it’s still tough with lack of materials so there is a ton of stress. Not a whoa is me thing, it’s just that music is a passion thing I pursue in my free time so it’s difficult to say yes at this time. It’s hard to find time for anything. At this time I don’t see me taking on any other projects. I did have the question did any famous people want to work with you because of your time on The Voice but no that really hasn’t happened.

Have you met any of your idols? If so what was that experience like?

What’s weird for me if you meet someone in like a meet n greet line I don’t consider that really a meet. I think for me getting to meet someone is to meet them as a fellow musician. That is much more along the lines of what you are asking. When I was on The Voice and I walk out and James Taylor is there, granted it was on film and we only had 10 minutes to sit and talk. To have someone like him throw a compliment your way feels pretty incredible. Also what is weird for me, for example Geoff Tate was incredibly influential to me in my younger days. There is a part of me, a little boy that still craves Geoff Tate to say hey Todd good job. I actually met him, my brother Rick had a record store and Queensryche did an in store for Operation Mindcrime. I met Geoff and I gave him a copy of my Harlot CD we produced in 1988. I told him he was a huge influence on me. Back then most independent bands like us didn’t have a CD so I figured that should impress him. Now that I’m in a band and people hand me CD’s often I get it that he was a busy guy and why does he give two shits about me. But I had this fantasy that he would listen to that and write me a note saying good job. Obviously that didn’t happen. To this day if I get approached like this, I’m not saying I’m a great person or anything like that, I’m sure I don’t get as much as Geoff Tate does but I make it a point to give it a little listen and find a way to compliment it. First of all if it’s not my taste they still went through the trouble to write and produce the song and I know how much goes into that. Getting back to it I still have this fantasy of bumping into Geoff as a fellow musician and we could talk and get to know each other. At the same time who knows maybe we have completely different views and maybe we wouldn’t get along. Sometimes you hear stories about people in general. At this point I’d say the closest I had with that was touring with Primal Fear, Ralf Scheepers is an incredible singer I had bought an album of his back in the 90’s that I really liked. It was interesting and cool to meet him. I got to know him really well and that to me is a little more along the lines of what you are talking about, a unique experience. As well as the experience with Kurdt. But in general when we are playing these festivals and Judas Priest is headlining, they have their own little dressing room and pathway. And they have people to make sure you don’t walk in there. I haven’t had much experience with the big dogs.

We all have this perception that you are all hanging out backstage but that’s obviously not that way it is.

Some of them will hang out in the normal food tent and they are around and if you are brave enough you can walk up and bug them. For me that’s not quite the same. I remember the drummer from Judas Priest was in there and our drummer is like I want to get a picture with him and he was cool but there’s a part of me that’s like you just interrupted him, you’re not really meeting them. I tend to be like I don’t want to annoy someone. Although I did with Michael Sweet and Biff Byford from Saxon and Jeff Scott Soto. So I have done that but I don’t post it to social media for me it’s more of a private thing. More of a personal memory.

Top five albums everyone should own?

Oh man that is so tough. I really loved Malice and Warrior. There was a band called The Front I really loved. But I would say if you are in the hard rock genre it would be tough not to say an Iron Maiden album like Piece of Mind, that’s a classic. Certainly in the Riot catalog you could throw Fire Down Under, not because I’m in Riot but I feel it’s a great album. I think for me it would be hard not to put Holy Diver from Dio in there. He was so incredible. I would say something by Queensryche, Operation Mindcrime.

I wish you nothing but success on the release of your first solo record. As I mentioned for a classic rock fan this is an album you should check it. Any final words?

Thanks for helping spread the word. Anyone that gives me any type of attention or shot I appreciate it. This is a passion thing and I’ve got so much joy from music over the years and just want to return the favor and bring some joy to others.

Connect with Todd Michael Hall(click icons):

INTERVIEW: TODD MICHAEL HALL was originally published on RockRevolt Mag

#Blake Shelton #Kurdt Vanderhoof #Metal Church #Riot V #Sonic Healing #The Voice #Todd Michael Hall

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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years

Text

What I thought about every episode of The Owl House Season 1 (Part 2/2)

Part two, sukers! Let’s do this. Click here to read part one.

“Senses and Insensitivity”: The B-plot in this episode is outstanding. It shows the audience more about Eda and Lilith's love for each other as sisters, which actually gets a lot more heartbreaking, given what happens in "Agony of a Witch." I loved every minute of it...which is why it makes it weird that it's just the B-plot. Because while the main story is ok, I could do without it. It makes King look like a jerk, and in no way does it feel like he means it when he apologizes. Plus, the fact that Luz and King get saved by Dana's self-insert and don't even do anything to stop Piniet just doesn't sit right with me. Although, I do find the jokes about fandom mentality to be pretty funny. If it wasn't for Eda's storyline with Lilith, "Senses and Insensitivity" might just be a C+ of an episode. As is, I'll be kind enough to give it a B-.

“Adventures in the Elements'': And here it is. The episode that everyone saw months beforehand because some jackhole decided to leak it to the internet. And what an episode it is. We get some great mentor/motherly moments from Eda. Some perfect course correction from Ed and Em going from unlikable antagonists to decent supporting characters. Having Luz learn a second spell, and having the growth between her and Amity's relationship. And a semi-enjoyable B-plot with King and an army of stuffed animals (which is just as funny as it sounds). My problem? Pacing. While King's subplot about an army of stuffed animals is fun, I feel like more time should have been dedicated to Luz getting trained by Eda. That way, it’ll feel natural to see as Luz reaches her breaking point due to going nowhere with Eda's training, which would feel justified rather than making Luz come across as kind of whiney in the episode (at least to me, she does). Another issue I have is with how Luz and Amity's relationship is presented in this episode. It genuinely feels like we skipped an episode because Amity went from "thinking about it" to getting distracted by waving at her bestie. Now keep in mind, I'm the first one to say "who cares" when people bring up the poor pacing in Luz and Amity's relationship due to Disney having little to nothing in terms of LGBTQ+ representation in children's animation. But the thing is, their relationship feels more properly paced in future episodes, but it's not the case here. So it's gonna have to be another B- in that regard.

(And seriously, don't ever leak episodes from a show, even if it's your favorite. Because not only does it ruin the experience for fans who want to support it the right way, but it also hurts the show itself. Because if people stop watching episodes, guess what? They'll stop making them. And nobody wants that.)

“The First Day”: Is it odd that I like an episode that's clearly not great? Because there's so much about "The First Day" that I enjoy. I like the entirety of the detention track and the fact that they're not typical troublemakers. I like the message about how it's unfair to force children to learn something they're not interested in because it's for a "better education." And I would frickin' take a bullet for Puddles. Unfortunately, this episode has some of the worst pacing in the series. Let's look at what this episode has to accomplish: It has to force Luz into a track and explain why it's a poor fit for her. It has to have Luz be interested in another track and get in trouble due to being too curious. It has to establish a connection between Luz and the detention track so they can have a heartbreaking third-act breakup. It has to set up, then introduce, a monster that will try to destroy Hexide. And finally, defeating the creature has to tie into why it's a good idea for students to mix tracks. That is a lot to do in under twenty-two minutes, and it makes the episode feels like it’s on fast foward at times. I'd say the solution would be to cut King's substitute teacher subplot (which only has value with one good joke), but that would only give "The First Day" a couple of extra seconds. So, really, the only way to "fix" the episode is to probably give it a few minutes by making it a forty-five-minute special. I'm sure fans wouldn't mind that. They love Luz and her journey enough that I'm sure they would be more than ok to see a more lengthy experience through the halls of Hexide. But that's not what we got, so it's gonna have to be a D+ episode. I don't hate it, but I don't blame others who do.

“Really Small Problems”: "Ugh, it's the cliche--" WE'VE! BEEN! OVER THIS! Does this episode have a cliche storyline? Yes. Is this pretty much the first filler episode of the series? Of course. But is it still entertaining? Without a doubt. There are great jokes, adorable moments with Luz and King's friendship, and little moments that I love. Like the fact that it was an accident that King shrunk Willow and Gus, and how Luz treated the situation calmly and rationally instead of blowing her stack. "Really Small Problems" may not be high up on my favorites list, but it's at least a fun B episode that was well worth a single viewing.

“Understanding Willow”: You wanna know what impresses me the most about The Owl House? The fact that Dana and her writers knew what the fans exactly want before they even started asking for it. The fans wanted to know what happened between Willow and Amity, and so the staff showed us. Fans wanted to see what Mr. and Mrs. Blight are really like, and the staff showed us. Fans wanted a Luz and Amity centric adventure, and the staff gave it to us. And because they've been working on the first season long before fan input started coming out, that means that we were going to get what we want before even having to ask. Most shows would save content in "Understanding Willow" for a second and even third season, so it amazes me that the writers waste no time in giving us the good stuff. Add that with a great "I'm sorry" speech from Amity, cute moments between her and Luz, Luz being an understanding friend, and Eda's bell dance, and you've got yourself an A+ of an episode.

As I said, I've already reviewed the last four episodes. But if you're interested in what I have to say, here are the condensed versions of my thoughts. Click the episode titles if you want to see the full review:

“Enchanted Grom Fright”: Speaking of giving the fans what they want, the fans have been obsessed over Lumity damn near since the beginning, myself included. So now you're gonna give us a prom episode filled with flirting in the hallway, a dope dance sequence, and the reveal that Amity has a crush on Luz? All while showing more of Luz's relationship with her mother and the fear Luz has of telling Camila the truth?! Then consider this an A+ episode that might just be a crucial moment in Disney's history!

“Wing it Like Witches”: This is a fantastic episode. And no, it's not because of Amity's gay panic attacks towards Luz...ok, it's partially because of that. But it's also because this episode shows how far characters come developmental wise. Willow became more confident, and Amity is actually part of the group now. It all comes together when the most developed characters team up against one who'll most likely get little development. It's a solid A of an episode that always leaves me smiling when I watch it.

“Agony of a Witch”: Yup. The single image of Luz crying is still enough to tear me up inside. And man, what an episode. The tension, the drama, the REVEAL! Lilith admitting she cursed Eda still shocks me because it could not have been farther from what I expected. Especially given the sisterly bond that we've seen in past episodes. So yeah, this is another A+ for sure.

“Young Blood, Old Souls”: I've heard some people say that the season finale is underwhelming, and I think I know why? You see, this has what I like to call Infinity War to Endgame syndrome. Part one does a great job of setting up the tension and stakes, that part two seems to pale in comparison in an attempt to relieve some of that tension. Because since part one ended, people have been hyping themselves up for part two to be such an epic conclusion that it couldn't have completely lived up to the ridiculously high standards. It's the same reason why I never felt disappointed with either Avengers: Endgame or "Young Blood, Old Souls." I had high expectations, sure, but I also reminded myself that there is a chance that either might be unenjoyable. And guess what? I consider Avengers: Endgame an A+ movie and "Young Blood, Old Souls" an A+ episode. Is either story perfect? No, but here's the thing. I could list all the nitpicks I have, or I could keep my big mouth shut and just enjoy it for the parts that are perfect.

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And that's it! That's what I think about every single episode of The Owl House so far. As for my thoughts on the show itself, I think it's incredible. It has a nice balance of comedy and drama with specific episodes, has an intriguing story, and includes some of the best representation that Disney has had in decades. But that doesn't mean the show is perfect. Pacing can be a bit off at times, some B-plots are just unnecessary to pad out the time, and not every joke can land. But to be fair, this is season one. Dana Terrace and her crew have more than enough time to polish out the rough parts for what is hoped to be a better season two. And I still can’t to see what they have in store for us.

#the owl house #the owl house review #what i thought about

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