#arbitrary ruminations

[a-sparrows-melody]

The Moon

Have you ever looked up at the night, the moon smiling down at you - sneering wide as if it knows all your secrets, all your worries? It makes you feel vulnerable and cold, naked and exposed, shivering in the face of your secrets laying bare before you.

If I had to describe my feelings right now, this would be my answer.

The soft grass itches my feet - which are now slightly wet with dew. The moonlight spread a spell over the town nearby. From the lights that were still switched on at this late hour of the night, I could make out the night blooms, bright and shining, like the innocent part of this world, untouched by the cruelty.

I feel like a star, alone and aloof. Living for eternity. When you die, nobody cares, because you're just one of a million others. Unless you burst in on yourself, eaten by the greed and the hate.

Does anyone know I feel like this? My throat suddenly contracts at the thought. The cool night air fans my cheek, leaving a trail of cold fire in it's wake. The sharp, intoxicating, slightly bitter smell of the nightblooms reach my nose. Realising how short my life-span is, maybe not. Or maybe no one cares enough to think about our fatalistic death.

When I look up at the moon again, it grins at me, yet, this time, it grins as if it revels in the misery I have. It is utterly revolting, and I must look away in shame.

When did my life become like this? Whatever little spark of hope I have, stamped on by the feet of whatever this world is, held together by fraying strings? When nothing is permanent, and no one cares?

It's funny how your thoughts change your perception. Just a second ago, I thought the pure white night blooms were too innocent for this world. Now as I look at them again, they move their heads in some sort of dance, bloodthirsty and violent. I feel a sudden urge to run away from everything, to run to the edge of the world and fall into darkness and prove that I am mortal, to run away from the nakedness I feel in front of the moon.

I do just that, running as fast as I can, heavily falling on the blanket of grass, darkened by the night sky, the rocks in the soil stinging under my bare feet, the lamp-lights blurring in my periphery. I stop for a second, my chest heaving up and down, trying to think, for my thoughts had presumably run away with my breath.

I look back up at the moon again, leaning heavily on my knees. It was still smiling. It was like a drug. For hours on end, I could sit, staring at it, trying to understand what it is trying to tell me.

It was beautiful. Deadly. Fatal. Just waiting to grab someone in its trap.

It did me, for sure. It caught me like a Venus Flytrap does an insect. Never let its beauty fool you.

The moon was smiling a disgusting, prideful, manipulative smile.

-X-

This is me talking about the moon's cheshire cat-like smile, the crescent of it that makes me feel bare and my secrets exposed. I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm very new to tumblr and writing. If you have any constructive criticism, tips, or just some writing prompts, please don't be shy and tag me/tell me :)

#arbitrary ruminations #staring at the moon #romanticising the moon #idk what im doing #writing poetry #the moon's cheshire smile #the crescent moon #the moon #creative writing

[hussyknee]

Nahel the child killed by french cops was not black he was maghrebi, of algerian origins

My bad! Thanks for the heads up, I made the correction both at the top and bottom of the post.

#t-minus until the 'should we use BLM for this murdered African kid' discourse though #yes we should because there's nothing uniform about race. like it's just arbitrary silly buggers rules invented by whites as a caste system #Black in the UK is also different from Black in the US #There's a reason Black used to be a political identity during the Civil Rights Movement #but asking people to define our struggles by our mutual oppressors #instead of comparing individual suffering #is a sure way to get them screaming crying throwing up #fyi none of this is about you nonnie. calling Nahel Black would be imposing a US racial context onto a French one #i'm just ruminating on race as a political identity vs race as a socio-cultural one #asks #anon #nahel m #french protests #knee of huss

[stuckinapril]

Idk if this would work for everyone, but I really recommend the concept of parameters for those who struggle w overthinking. Processing is completely okay, but I think it crosses over into rumination when it no longer serves you to continue turning the same thing over and over in your mind (something I have been notoriously guilty of). To combat that I’ve just started giving myself deadlines for how much I overthink something. I’ll just be like “okay I have 2 days to really think about this thing, and then past that I just have to move on” and that does wonders for resetting my brain when the overthinking period is over. Time is already arbitrary anyway, so use it to your advantage.

[canonical-transformation]

Genshin Prompt Meme 2023 Wrapped

A huge thanks to everyone who participated in the prompt meme over the past year! I haven't read every single work posted but everything I saw was amazingly fun and creative 💕

Prompts given: 110+

Works posted: 56

An arbitrary selection of nine fics:

without yearning, all returns to silence – Magepaw (@uncommonfate)

Prompt: "Raiden Shogun -- the puppet, not Ei -- deserves a chance to make friends[...] Anything humanising the Shogun and showing her experiencing the world would be awesome."

Other notes: Featuring some poignant talks with Albedo, Klee, and other Mondstadters.

Two Golden Fireworks and Ninety-Two Planks of Wood – Emanating_Auras (@emanation-aura)

Prompt: "It's been nearly two years since the end of the Decree. Yoimiya finally removes the false wall (floor, ceiling, etc.) in the workshop that she'd used to help people hide, and reflects on a much scarier time."

threeways – qwertyu (@nomorebluess)

Prompt: "exploring the messed-up dynamic between Sara, Miko, and Ei"

Author's notes: "Kagura's Verity also happens to suggest that Miko's a little. toxic-girlfriend core"

sweet lies & breathless blooms – qilinggs

Prompt: "Miko has been lying about her [Hanahaki] for five centuries, and she will absolutely gaslight Ei if it means not dealing with her feelings"

Miko levels: severe.

scenes from life in the hold – GStK (@commonfate)

Prompt: "Maybe something about Paimon mailing Alhaitham a book from Fontaine[...]?"

Synopsis: In the Fortress of Meropide, Alhaitham and Paimon are penpals.

Ruminations on a Body – stormyseasons (@stormy-seasons)

Prompt: "Zhongli's reflections upon bodying his own 'corpse' for the rite of parting"

Must Love Cats – Velvetwastaken (@velvetwastaken)

Prompt: "Keqing and Ganyu are dating. Unfortunately, Keqing has a pet cat that doesn't exactly like Ganyu. One day Keqing has to leave for the weekend and the usual caretaker option (Keqing's friend) isn't available[...]"

made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter – Magepaw (@uncommonfate)

Prompt: Diona brews some tea for Lynette.

Written during: 3.8; Lynnette vibes: 💯

as always – qwertyu (@nomorebluess)

Prompt: "in which Barbara gets her c6 and the morality and emotional turmoil with being a necromancer is introduced"

Genshin Prompt Meme 2023:

If you see a prompt you like, write/draw/Create for it however you like, and add it to the collection! New prompts should go in the 2024 meme instead.

#genshin impact #genshin prompts #genshin fic #fic recs #meta: pinned posts

[gowns]

THIS IS VITAL. Do not convince yourself that you have "insomnia" or go into bed thinking you're going to have trouble sleeping. Even if you've been professionally diagnosed. Doctors don't care about you the same way you care about yourself, so keep this in mind. You're one of many patients to them so you need to take control of your own health, and sometimes that means completely rejecting their advice and diagnoses. You need to tell yourself that you're simply going through a rough period and sleep might be difficult, but you're fine. I can't stress how important it is to psychologically believe that things are fine and/or will get better. A major component of insomnia for people who suffer from anxiety is the very anxiety around not being able to sleep. The anxiety compounds the issue and it thus becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's one of the many cases in humans where if you believe it's a problem, it WILL be a problem.

You need to find a way to, over time, decouple the association between sleep and whatever negative delusional spin you're putting on it. Do not predict the future with false and irrelevant evidence from the past. A bad night of sleep, or no sleep the day before does not mean it's going to repeat in the future. This is highly ILLOGICAL, but your brain won't care about this, it will force those thoughts on you. Be aware of your own cognitive behaviors and beat them out with clear, logical thinking. Obviously, this will be difficult since emotional states cause us to think delusionally, and insomnia along with the accompanying sleep deprivation will make it worse, but the big takeaway is to realize that you can't really trust your brain at this time because it isn't functioning properly and is under a lot of stress. This process can take time, be patient with yourself, especially if you think nutrition might be a factor. It's vitally important to remember that YOU CAN FALL ASLEEP. EVERY HUMAN HAS THIS ABILITY unless you have extremely rare genetic disorders or severe nutritional deficiencies that can EASILY be corrected.

You need to realize that it's ENTIRELY NORMAL to have problems falling asleep for days, weeks or even months at a time. Your case is likely NOT UNIQUE, and many millions of people over millenia have suffered and successfully recovered from this disturbance. It is scary because it is happening to YOU, but take comfort in the fact that it is also common and treatable. This is not blind hope, or lying to yourself, these are FACTS THAT YOU NEED TO CONSTANTLY REMIND YOURSELF OF because your brain will already be doing a great job of bringing you down with negative thoughts. You must truly believe that you're going to get better and fix the problem, while taking every possible step you can to move the dial in the right direction towards progress.

Take comfort in the fact that many people have sleepless periods like this for various reasons. Stress, nutritional deficiencies, terrible diets, anxiety, grieving, depression, breakups, divorces, etc. It's crucial to remember that all psychological stresses will diminish over time and you will return to normalcy. Your brain is constantly adjusting towards homeostasis, so YOU WILL HEAL IN TIME. YOU MUST KNOW THIS. Don't get obsessive over how long your recovery is taking, or set arbitrary goalposts (e.i. "I should be fine in a week"). Take things one day at a time.

Also be aware that stress depletes magnesium, which is responsible for reining in ruminating thoughts and relaxing you. Again, I urge anyone with insomnia and/or anxiety to do ample research on magnesium. It is absolutely a life safer.

[x]

[doshmanziari]

Hey, everyone.

In 2022, I wrote and illustrated a short comic book which I published and sold copies of at that year’s MICE. Entitled Adyton, it was a brief exploration of what I'd very loosely call the close encounter phenomenon, with an emphasis on the abduction aspect. Since then, I’ve wanted to expand on the book; but, as is usual for me, I have to ruminate on something for a long while until embarking on the project feels right. This recently happened, and I’ve decided to entitle what I intend to be my first complete and long-form graphic novel Can You See Behind the Moon? I’m not going to say where the title comes from, and will leave it to those who are more familiar with some of the paranormal literature to recognize its origin.

Over the years, I’ve made sputtering attempts at other graphic novels, but the lack of a clear narrative direction for one doomed it to oblivion (Underbrickers), while the creative momentum of the other seemed bound to a very particular timeframe (Grim Synergy). Differently, I see this project as encompassing ideas which, to varying degrees, are present within my mind every day, or every other day, and I do think it can be sustained by that persistence. If I were forced to speak in very general and perhaps reductive terms about Can You See Behind the Moon?, it is my attempt to explore possibilities implied by close encounters in a way which emphasizes a deep and occulted relationship humanity appears to have with itself, the cosmos, and what one might term the evolutionary impulse.

The first four pages you see here (not counting the cover) are recreations of Adyton’s first six pages. As should be apparent, the narrative is not linear. Like Adyton, the plot sometimes progresses according to visual resonances which can also be interpreted as conceptual resonances. For instance, the as-yet-unnamed young man’s finger-gun gesture becomes the transitional point for a reference to the so-called Kelly-Hopkinsville encounter, wherein guns figured prominently, and unusually.

To be clear, this work has been done very quickly, in the interest of submitting it to relevant publishers as proof-of-concept material, and so that I’m able to maintain a pace of a couple of pages every two or three days (while also producing “fine art” for gallery shows, to say nothing of various other side projects). But I also like the roughness of the drawings, and the color of the newsprint paper… so, the making of these has also carried with it pleasure and occasional surprise at the results. Since I’ve decided to work within a limited palette, I’m relying heavily upon the linework.

For Christmas last year, my partner — somewhat regretfully — got me a comic book about UFOs published the same year by Dark Horse. I write “somewhat regretfully” because she didn’t really like the look of it; and when I received it I had to agree: the art is so simplistic, mundane, and ugly that I don’t think I’ll ever do more than skim some of the pages (the author also seems to have only done the bare minimum of research regarding Betty and Barney Hill’s case). But I’ve used the book as a point of motivation: surely, if something that bland could get green-lit by a fairly well-known comics publisher, then my work stands a chance.

Another one of my particularities is that I tend to get through projects more quickly when I don’t assign their completion an arbitrary date, and also when I don’t make myself beholden to publicizing all of the progress. I don’t intend on making a Kickstarter or anything for this — unless it becomes necessary — so I’m not sure when I’ll be prepared to share more. But, the time will come.

Anyway — even if there’s not much here yet, thanks for looking!

#hudson artist #hudson new york #ufos #aliens #close encounters #flying saucers #graphic novel #paranormal #paranormal phenomena #new comic book #ink illustration #ink drawing

[thenightfolknetwork]

Hey!!

(I saw your fairy girlfriend last week, I think. I'd recognize that snooty accent anywhere, and she looked angry. My condolences to whoever she's arguing with)

So, changelings! It seems that stealing children from their cribs never gets old, and if my parents didn't notice that their little baby suddenly had a mouth full of teeth from one morning to the next, then, well, they were begging for it.

You see, I'm not a person from the past, but lately I keep thinking about the child who was traded for me. I wonder how different it must have been to grow up human in a world of creatures, and whether it was as strange as growing up a changeling in such a sapio-normative world.

I keep thinking about a girl with lily hair and the right amount of teeth in her mouth, irredeemably human, despite her upbringing.

I know no one keeps humans as pets anymore, so I like to think she had a good childhood, unlike mine. For a while, thinking about it seemed enough.

Not anymore.

I feel like I'm rambling here, but I don't know how to explain it any other way than this: I was swapped for a child and never thought much about her. Today, I think about her every day.

I would like to find her. Does she still look like me? Or rather, do I still look like her? Or did the magic flow away like water? Or were we never alike to begin with? There are many questions and few answers, so I come to ask you for help.

Or to your irascible fairy girlfriend.

Where do I find the person I was meant to be?

(And if I find her, how the hell am I supposed to act?)

First of all, reader, kindly refrain from making comments about my personal life, the people with whom I might share that life, and the terminology we may or may not use to describe that relationship.

Secondly, I feel I must remind you that not all reclaimed slurs are acceptable to all members of the community they describe. In short: call her an “f-word” again, and there will be consequences.

Despite your quite astonishing lack of manners, I have chosen to respond to your question because I think it speaks to a very common feeling among people who were the subject of infant substitution.

It's easy to get fixated imagining your “other self” – the child who, were it not for an almost arbitrary choice made by your biological parents, would have grown up in your place.

However, I am not sure I understand what you hope to gain by reaching out to this person. Please understand, your sudden presence in their life has the potential to be extremely disruptive.

She is more than just your erstwhile template; she is her own person, with her own life and her own feelings and ideas about the way she was raised. I see no reason why you should feel entitled to impose yourself on her for your own whims.

Instead, I encourage you to consider what it is you feel this reconnection would achieve. You say you've never thought much about her in the past. I wonder if there is some reason you've suddenly developed an interest.

Perhaps there has been a change of circumstance in your personal or professional life which has left you feeling disconnected and uncertain of your place in the world. Perhaps you've encountered some new feelings of self-doubt, and are seeking some way to reassure yourself.

Or perhaps you are simply bored. Whatever the underlying cause, none of these are good reasons for inserting yourself into this woman's life.

Take some time to ascertain what might be causing this new obsession. I feel quite sure your rumination on your substitute is a symptom of something else. Get to the root of the issue and handle the matter from there – and leave this poor woman alone.

#answered #the nightfolk network #monstrous agonies

[bestworstcase]

1. jaune believes that the only way to escape the ever after is to sacrifice someone to the tree.

2. he claims he has a plan.

within the specific category of theories founded on jaune being correct about this, the big two are, obviously, “jaune’s plan is to sacrifice himself so team rwby can leave” and “ruby will try to sacrifice herself to get her friends home.”

but.

laying aside my own skepticism that jaune is right about anything in his assessment of how the ever after works, and focusing narrowly on the question of what he believes and what his plan might entail: consider the following.

1. jaune considers the entire process of ascension to be actively malevolent. the tree is not, in his estimation, merely a place of death—it’s not the ever after’s afterlife—it causes death. he believes the tree’s purpose is to kill people, absorb them, erase them, and he views the cat as a murderous extension of its desire to do this. as far as he’s concerned the ever after is a malicious soul-devouring eldritch abomination. he thinks the tree is EVIL.

2. he concludes that alyx sacrificed her brother on the basis of two facts: lewis isn’t mentioned in the book, and alyx said she would do “whatever it takes” to get back home. this is the singular example jaune has from which to draw any conclusions about how to escape from the ever after. two entered, one left.

3. irrespective of whether his conclusions are accurate or not, jaune’s thinking is highly erratic and paranoid now—he didn’t ask questions, he didn’t go to the tree himself, he decided that the afterans who actually experience this cycle of spiritual rebirth are all just WRONG about it, he flew off the handle and yelled at blake (“that’s where you’re letting them take you?!”) when the cat mentioned the tree. nothing about his mindset is rational right now. he is a conspiracy theorist.

4. conspiracy theorists do not moderate their beliefs. conspiratorial thinking tends to be very anxious, very catastrophic in nature.

now, imagine for a moment that you are a paranoid conspiracy theorist trapped in a fantastical otherworld dominated by a soul-devouring eldritch abomination, and you are trying to figure out how to get yourself and four of your friends back home, and the only case study you have to hand is a single pair of siblings, one of whom was sacrificed to the abomination to barter safe passage home for the other.

do you:

A) conclude that there is a door somewhere inside the abomination that will open to admit an arbitrary number of people back to your homeland if a single person is fed to the abomination first, or

B) conclude that the price for leaving this place is an exactly equitable trade—that every soul the abomination releases must be bought with the sacrifice of another?

moreover, are you willing to risk that it isn’t option B? are you willing to walk with four of your friends into the belly of the beast and gamble on a single sacrifice being enough to save the other four? because if you’re wrong—if one is not enough—then three of you get eaten and only two escape.

do you like those odds? will you still like them after ruminating on this plan for years?

i think it’s more likely that jaune has some half-baked plan to destroy the tree (or maybe the ever after in its entirety?)—but, if he IS planning to escape the way he believes alyx did, i think it’s pretty damn likely that part of that plan entails either five sacrifices (if jaune wants to go home too) or four (if he intends to sacrifice himself on the girls’ behalf).

and… since the ever after’s running rather low on humans, the only sacrificial resource available is afterans. maybe they can scrounge up some volunteers from jaune’s village? or maybe juniper would be willing, for jaune. maybe little would be willing to die if that’s what it took to get ruby home. (it’s so much easier to rationalize, too, if it’s afterans. they call it ascension, jaune says with a sneer. and even after thirty years he still, on some level, thinks of the ever after as a story. as make-believe. maybe it won’t be as real as it was when he, as he conceives of it now, sacrificed penny to safeguard the maiden power—maybe it won’t matter in the same way, maybe this time it won’t haunt him forever.)

if you think about it through the perspective of a paranoid conspiracy theorist who believes the tree is an evil soul-devouring abomination, it makes perfect sense.

but the only thing the girls are gonna hear, if this is what he has in mind, is a few city blocks.

#rwby v9 spoilers

[inner-sakura]

the law of equivalent exchange

Fandoms: Miraculous Ladybug Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Categories: F/M Characters: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug,  Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Summary: 

In one world, a wish is made.    

Yet for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. And a price that must always be paid.  

[’Tuesday, Ladybug thinks, is a very arbitrary day to die.’]

[canon divergent, not season 5 compliant. angst. major character death. author makes questionable use of The Wish mechanics.] 

i wrote this instead of sleeping. it can probably be generously called conceptual.

-x-

Tuesday, Ladybug thinks, is a very arbitrary day to die.

Not that she’d ever given much thought to which day of the week would be her last, per se. But as she lays there, blackness slowly creeping into the edges of her vision, she can’t help but ruminate; her mind flitting from one thought to the next as though trying to cram as much material into as little time as possible.

It’s not like she can do much apart from sit there and think, anyway. She’s completely lost feeling in her legs now, numbness replacing what used to be a world of sensation. Even if she wanted to move, it’s simply not an option anymore.

Besides, she lost the taste for it fairly quickly upon realizing just how painful moving could be when your insides have suddenly become outsides.

So she sits, and she thinks, and she waits to die.

She’s in the process of contemplating the simple majesty of a cloudless blue sky when blackness fills her vision, followed swiftly by gold and green and–

“Oh hey, kitty,” she smiles, and then immediately regrets it when she begins coughing, the greeting aggravating her already angry throat. When she finally stops, her lips are damp, and she doesn’t need to look at Chat’s stricken expression to know that her mask isn’t the only streak of red on her face anymore.

His hands are heartbreakingly gentle as they lift her, cradling her broken body against his trembling chest.

Chat’s voice is so low it’s nearly inaudible.

“No no no no no,” he mutters, the mantra he’s been repeating almost from the moment he landed beside her. The single syllable carries with it a well of desperation far too deep for such a simple two letter word.

“This can’t be happening,” he says, speaking more to himself than to her. Even though her eyes are having a hard time focusing, she can tell when his gaze zeroes in on hers; can feel his resolve crystallizing in the air between them. “Tell me what to do, my Lady. Where’s your Lucky Charm? We have to fix this, please.”

“Gone,” she rasps, the word leaving her with difficulty. “Bro–ken–” Useless now, she wants to add. Monarch made certain of that.

She has to stop there, though, because her vision is going spotty the longer she tries to speak and she has so much she wants to say and so little time left to do it.

Chat lets out a mournful noise like that of a wounded animal, his hands gripping her shoulders desperately.

“No, there has to be another way,” he all but wails, leaning over her until all she can see and feel is black leather and devastation. He presses his forehead to hers, each of his tears burning hot against her clammy skin.

“I’m sorry,” she mouths against his ear, trusting his enhanced hearing to pick up her nearly voiceless plea. I’m sorry that I’m going first. I’m sorry that we couldn’t win.

I’m sorry that I’m leaving you alone.

Chat is openly bawling now, his body wracked with sobs that jostle her in a way that would have probably been painful, if she could feel anything anymore.

But the only thing she’s feeling at this point is increasingly sleepy; her eyelids weighted down with all of the failures she’s experienced in her nearly sixteen years on this planet.

I love you, she wants to tell him, but her throat won’t cooperate, her lungs and vocal cords standing in opposition to each other, denying her even the right to choose her last words.

And so Ladybug dies, wordlessly and anticlimactically, on a sunny Tuesday afternoon.

-x-

This is one ending.

But in a world of infinite possibility, with thousands of threads woven together to create the tapestry of time, even one slight tug can be enough to unravel the fabric.

Chat Noir, like many holders of the Black Cat Miraculous before him, has never been known for his delicacy, however.

Which means that he doesn’t so much tug on the strands as he shears through them with his claws, reaching through the sea of infinite realities to wrest creation from the jaws of oblivion.

He makes a wish.

And he destroys the world.  

-x-

Tuesday, Ladybug thinks, staring down at the broken body of Monarch, is a very arbitrary day to die.

Although judging by the hour, it is barely Tuesday anymore; the clock on her yoyo inching steadily towards the dawning of a new day.

And a new day has dawned indeed.

For the flood of first responders steadily trickling into the hidden catacombs that lie beneath the Agreste mansion; for the citizens of Paris, asleep in their beds, blissfully unaware of what has taken place in their city tonight.

And for its heroes. Ladybug’s eyes dart to her partner, who remains frozen at her side, his acid green irises fixed unwaveringly on the dead man at his feet.

The police have already questioned them both, their statements written and recorded for posterity. Now all that is left to do is wait for the medical examiner to come and remove the body in the basement.

Or, she should say the bodies, plural. Her eyes flick to the glass case to her right and Ladybug’s stomach turns anew with horror at the sight of the tomb that contains the remains of Adrien’s mother.

For how many people are in the room, there is a remarkable lack of noise; each person moving with the distinct knowledge that they have entered a graveyard and respect must be shown for the dead.

Nevertheless, the work is not quite done.

As the world continues to spin madly on around them, Ladybug turns to her partner, grim-faced and determined.

“We need to find Adrien Agreste,” is what she says.

Chat does not respond, but he follows her silently, out of the grave and into the early morning hours of what will soon become known as the most climactic Wednesday Paris has ever seen.

-x-

This is another ending.

A world, newly forged by the hands of a boy desperate to save a girl.

A world of infinite possibility, with thousands of threads painstakingly woven together by hands more accustomed to destruction than creation.  

Adrien Agreste, unbeknownst to him, lives to realize his father’s dream.

He makes a wish, and saves his love–his Lady, his classmate, his best friend. The other half of his soul residing within a different body.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng lives.

And together they kill his father.

-x-

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfic #ml fanworks #ml fic #adrien agreste #marinette dupain-cheng #ladynoir #ml fanfic #I HAVE #NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS #other than pain #and probably residual trauma from the season 5 finale manifesting itself in strange ways #im sorry?? #im soft-launching this on tumblr cause im afraid its too offbrand for my ao3 LMAO #lemme know folks

[holofoiltowercard]

The Journey of The Tarot Haiku

II: The High Priestess - Meditation and revelations

Today I want to share a funny thing that happened to me in the process of studying the Tarot and subconsciously ruminating on certain aspects of it. I used to study numerology and still use that knowledge from time to time to inform my decisions, but every source I ever encountered usually just gave you the digits and then the meanings. There is nothing wrong with this of course, but it did leave me wondering why the numbers had these arbitrary meanings. Why is the number five so turbulent, for example? To me it always wore the aspect of a steady number I could rely on, so neatly marking the midway point, but in the Minor Arcana it always signals some conflict or sorrow. I accepted this, just as I accepted that the Suit of Swords is associated with air, which to me evoked freedom and ease, and yet most of the cards are about feeling stuck and hurt. Just little mysteries to ponder.

Now, to come to the story: I tend to exercise using my trusted old indoor bike, and one day I decided to put on a meditation track (I usually watch new shows while I exercise). I got on, started pedaling, and suddenly got hit with a burst of inspiration regarding numbers. It was so wonderful and overwhelming that I didn't dare stop and get off to write it down - instead I cried out for my mother and begged her to bring some paper and a pen to write down what I was about to say. There I was, frantically pedaling, covered in sweat, shouting out each number to her, telling her to draw a little illustration, and write down a few words. She thus made notes for numbers 1 through 10. I still have the original:

This is the basis of the number haikus in the book. I was so amazed by how much the geometric representations of the numbers explained the meaning of the numbers that I felt I simply must share this others. Three is a number of communication and creation, and it in fact creates the first shape we see - a triangle out of a line. And no wonder that five is the number of chaos if you first look at a completely stable and symmetrical square and then see it morph into a less stable looking pentagon! So when I designed the book, I used the original notes to write the poems and create the accompanying illustrations to really drive home the meaning behind the numbers.

You can find the complete system, poems and all, in the book!

Buy the ebook

Buy the paperback

Buy the hardcover

#tarot #tarot cards #the high priestess #poetry #haiku #the tarot haiku journey

[psychreviews2]

The Secret Of The Golden Flower

The Secret Of The Golden Flower

As Buddhism's influence expanded in Asia, it encountered many different cultures that appropriated elements of it. There was always a pressure to make these philosophies fit normal human relationships and worldliness. One of the examples of this is Taoism, which when Buddhism encountered it in China, ushered in a mutual influence. Meditation could be hermitic, but there could also be applications found for dealing with the business of daily life. In both philosophies, rumination is to be let go of, and harmony with others balanced. The ultimate source of consciousness of course was to be looked at as not an experience or a thing, but in the world of perception, there is always a compromise. As quoted in the Lankavatara Sutra nirvana is not a real thing to be sought after in the conventional way. "Mine isn’t a nirvana that exists, a created one or one with attributes, the consciousness that projects what we know. The cessation of this is my nirvana." In the Taoist Discourse on Sitting and Forgetting, there are "three commandments of 'reducing involvement in mundane affairs', 'having no desires' and 'calming the mind,'" where the "'Dao will come to those who observe these three commandments regularly and constantly, even when they are not purposely seeking the Dao.'" As the practice develops "'inwardly, one becomes unaware of one’s body, and outwardly, one becomes unaware of the universe'; 'one penetrates a subtle communion with Dao and all worries disappear'; and when 'one forgets both the world and himself, neither of these two instances are reflected in the mind.'" There is a deeper rest with these methods as conscious experience itself is relaxed, but it's not a place to rest permanently when one is engaged with the world. It becomes a source for replenishing energy when needed, and in the longer term a weaning practice.

In The Secret of the Golden Flower, labels and metaphors are applied to this supreme rest as a guide for daily life. "The original spirit is also called the celestial mind, or the natural mind. A mode of awareness subtler and more direct than thought or imagination, it is central to the blossoming of the mind." Because perception, craving, and action are so omnipresent in day to day experience, there's an endless need to use negation as a way to point out what this source is not. "Using neither idea nor image, it is a process of getting right to the root source of awareness itself. The aim of this exercise is to free the mind from arbitrary and unnecessary limitations imposed upon it by habitual fixation on its own contents...The experience of the blossoming of the golden flower is likened to light in the sky, a sky of awareness vaster than images, thoughts, and feelings, an unimpeded space containing everything without being filled. Thus it opens up an avenue to an endless source of intuition, creativity, and inspiration." The concept of Oneness comes from encountering boundlessness in meditation.

Typical of all spirituality is the trap of always using the mind that is hooked on advertising, and the mind's need to find a variety forms of treasure in the outer world, and to treat meditation in that same way. All that searching involves more rumination and controlled movements of the attention span. "There are very many alchemical teachings but all of them make temporary use of effort to arrive at effortlessness; they are not teachings of total transcendence and direct penetration. The doctrine I transmit directly brings up working with essence and does not fall into a secondary method. That is the best thing about it." The rub of course is the need for effortful concentration, but it becomes a double-edged sword when the mind doesn't know how to concentrate with less effort. Regardless, both insight and concentration has to work together as the mind gradually lets go of the habit of obsessive rumination. For many people, they will get more out of long periods of concentration than direct insight at the beginning, but when concentration becomes too dull with mastery, the mind is now ripe for insight. As I've mentioned many times before, an effortless waiting for the breath to move on its own, an acceptance of how automatic sensations work, leads to a reduced need to tighten and control muscles in the body, including the head. When approaching meditation for the first time, it may not be so easy to do, and an experience of Flow, or Jhana, is required to provide a comparison with the typical daily consciousness full of rumination. "On the whole beginners suffer from two kinds of problems: oblivion and distraction. There is a device to get rid of them, which is simply to rest the mind on the breath...The light is easily stirred and hard to stabilize. When you have turned it around for a long time, the light crystallizes...Generally speaking, the two afflictions of oblivion and distraction just require quieting practice to continue unbroken day after day until complete cessation and rest occur spontaneously..."

Mindfulness: Nirvana: https://rumble.com/v1grcgx-mindfulness-nirvana.html

How to gain Flow in 7 steps: https://rumble.com/v1gvked-how-to-gain-flow-in-7-steps.html

As things become more effortless, they never really become completely effortless. Concentration is always needed to bring the mind back to those bodily anchors, which in this case is to have some of the control to take a backseat and let the waiting and listening for bodily nature and self-regulating operations, to be as they are. When you notice distraction, you are already back and you can commence waiting for the breath to move independently. "The light itself is the creative; to turn it around is to restore it...Just persist in this method...It is also essential to understand that this device is not mechanical or forced. Just maintain a subtle looking and listening." Any subtle movement of the attention span requires some effort. At first, one may react with a non-preference for thinking, but later on, a subtle awareness of tension in the head and body, related to thinking, is enough for awareness to naturally return to the body. A looping judgement about thinking and intellectualization can be efficiently worked out of habit and economized. "When you are not sitting quietly, you may be distracted without knowing it; but once you are aware of it, distraction itself becomes a mechanism for getting rid of distraction." On the other hand, if you do any math problems, ruminate about how to handle difficult people, make any complicated plans, the reality is that you need some effort to use memories and plans to think, control, and act. Any attempts at control involve effort, and a resistance can be detected when what is not preferential arises. One can easily notice energy expended when this is happening in real time. For example, when in a meditative state, one can scientifically compare the tension between a clear mind and one that is beginning to rehearse or ruminate. There can also conversely be an appreciation for the thoughts that arise spontaneously in the clear mind, because they are often the most creative and sharp when the mind is well rested. Even if there is some effort encountered in those situations, there's often a zest to them, and there is an insight that a complete shutdown of creativity would be just a derangement, or a self-induced forgetting or dementia.

Deep meditation is simply for deeper rest, not for a lobotomy. In fact, mental rehearsal is a big factor in developing skills, so a minimal effort is required before a skill gradually becomes more effortless. Accepting that there is no conscious panacea in spirituality, unless one is effortlessly dead, can reduce the clinging to some absolute perfect rest that is unattainable in the midst of vigorous thinking and activity. This is especially true when the mind is well rested and interested, where effort is actually enjoyable and the "problem" is moot. Also from the understanding of psychoanalysis, the practice of free association, which is just a repackaged form of meditation, it releases past resentments with the Oedipus Complex, which in general is an anger towards human obstacles of all kinds. There's a great need to vent, rage, and exhaust emotions related to any conflicts about goals, property, and boundaries. From the point of view of spirituality, one has to be willing to let go of worldliness with the insight that those things people fight over are not worth it in the long run. No object or experience in the past has ever given complete satisfaction, as can be proven by one's further desires for new things. Each individual has to pick their battles to not be a doormat, but a lot of things can be let go of on the periphery. Businesses, governments, acquaintance groups, and families are all full of subtle or more overt conflicts and resentments. Toxic people also leave their wake all over society so a sense of pragmatic minimalism makes more sense for a contemplative lifestyle in the modern world. Since all good experiences require memory to appreciate, the height of conventional appreciation is a Proustian recall that happens when a past experience cannot be relived, then the precious memory becomes a perfume of appreciation, precisely because we desire what we cannot access, assuming one still has good enough memory in old age. One can use this as a guide for what to chuck out of one's home, or as Marie Kondo suggested, "the best way to choose what to keep and what to throw away is to take each item in one's hand and ask: 'Does this spark joy?' If it does, keep it. If not, dispose of it."

Meditation: Trap Doors: https://rumble.com/v1grer7-meditation-trap-doors.html

Knight of Cups | The Awakening 9:48: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFVFqVlfe8Y

Object Relations: Fear Of Success Pt. 2: https://rumble.com/v1gvuql-object-relations-fear-of-success-pt.-2.html

There is an awareness in these spiritual texts that conditioning is powerful and can only be gradually weakened. "The ancients' method of transcending the world, refining away the dregs of darkness to restore pure light, is just a matter of dissolving the lower soul and making the higher soul whole...'The light rays of the human body all flow upward into the aperture of space.' If you get this, long life is herein, and so is transcendence of life." The rest is in this aperture, but it's all encompassing. 'The words focus on the center are more sublime. The center is omnipresent; the whole universe is within it. This indicates the mechanism of Creation; you focus on this to enter the gate, that is all. To focus means to focus on this as a hint, not to become rigidly fixated. The meaning of the word focus has life to it; it is very subtle." The searching for this center has to eventually surrender to what is effortless. "The terms stopping and seeing basically cannot be separated. They mean concentration and insight. Hereafter, whenever thoughts arise, you don't need to sit still as before, but you should investigate this thought: where is it? Where does it come from? Where does it disappear? Push this inquiry on and on over and over until you realize it cannot be grasped; then you will see where the thought arises. You don't need to seek out the point of arising any more. 'Having looked for my mind, I realize it cannot be grasped.' 'I have pacified your mind for you.'"

Since thoughts arise out of nothing, the need to find the source of thoughts becomes another burden to put down. "So should one have no thoughts? It is impossible to have no thoughts. Should one not breathe? It is impossible not to breathe. Nothing compares to making the affliction itself into medicine, which means to have mind and breath rest on each other. Therefore tuning the breath should be included in turning the light around." This is the beginning of integration of spirituality and worldly life. Different senses and perceptions point to the same effortless source. "This method makes use of two lights. One is the light of the ears, one is the light of the eyes. The light of the eyes means the external sun and moon, combining their lights; the light of the ears means the internal sun and moon, combining their vitalities. However, vitality is congealed and stabilized light; 'they have the same source but different names.' Therefore clarity of hearing and seeing are both one and the same spiritual light."

Activities of daily life include thinking and awareness, and concentration is more about prioritizing peace and focusing on what to do now, while staying away from distraction about the past and irrelevant future. "Killing the mind does not mean quietism, it means undivided concentration. Buddha said, 'Place the mind on one point, and everything can be done.'" Even as distractions return, the habit of awareness can permeate them to a certain extent and reduce the amount of time that one is carried away. "As for unawares oblivion and oblivion of which you become aware, there is an inconceivable distance between them. Unawares oblivion is real oblivion; oblivion that you notice is not completely oblivious, clear light is in this...Oblivion means the lower soul is in complete control, whereas the lower soul is a lingering presence in distraction. Oblivion is ruled by pure darkness and negativity." Integration can further be developed by including this kind of rest in action, so that actions are without too much effort, or too little. Even "looking inward" is more like resting in natural awareness without fixating too much one way or another. "What is 'looking'? It is the light of the eyes spontaneously shining...What is 'listening'? It is the light of the ears spontaneously listening...Listening means listening to the soundless; looking means looking at the formless." One needs to recognize form, but without fixation. This can help Buddhist students understand better the value of sensation and being with the body, while treating thoughts as passing sensations, as read in the Bahiya Sutta. "Then, Bahiya, you should train yourself thus: In reference to the seen, there will be only the seen. In reference to the heard, only the heard. In reference to the sensed, only the sensed. In reference to the cognized, only the cognized. That is how you should train yourself. When for you there will be only the seen in reference to the seen, only the heard in reference to the heard, only the sensed in reference to the sensed, only the cognized in reference to the cognized, then, Bahiya, there is no you in connection with that. When there is no you in connection with that, there is no you there. When there is no you there, you are neither here nor yonder nor between the two. This, just this, is the end of stress."

The Bahiya Sutta: https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/ud/ud.1.10.than.html

As resting in the natural develops, with a combination of insight and continuity of attention, non-hedonic pleasure begins to flower. "When there is uninterrupted continuity in quiet, the spirit and feelings are joyful and happy, as if one where intoxicated, or in a bath. This is called positive harmony pervading the body, its golden efflorescence suddenly blooming. Once 'myriad pipes are all silent,' and 'the bright moon is in the sky,' you feel the whole earth as a realm of light. This is the opening up of the luminosity that is the substance of mind, the proper release of the golden flower." The promise of this practice is to provide a spiritual strength, when non-hedonic peace is preferred over other pleasures. This new stability of mind can make one more adventurous, because the seclusion becomes more portable. "Once the whole body is filled completely, you do not fear wind or frost. When you meet things that make people feel desolate in facing them, your vital spirit shines even brighter. The house is built of yellow gold, the terrace is white jade; the rotten things of the world you bring to life with a puff of true energy. Red blood becomes milk, the physical body is all gold and jewels. This is the great stabilization of the golden flower...As you go along practicing turning the light around, you need not give up your normal occupation. An ancient said, 'When matters come up, one should respond; when things come up, one should discern...' If you manage affairs with accurate mindfulness, then the light is not overcome by things, so it will do to repeat this formless turning around of the light time and again." This is the form of renunciation that is authentic, because it's not a forcing out with internal conflict, ambivalence, and miserliness. Taoist integration can deepen, and activity can continue because one is choosing available and accessible activities. Effort is not too much or too little. "If you can look back again and again into the source of mind, whatever you are doing, not sticking to any image of person or self at all, then this is 'turning the light around wherever you are.' This is the finest practice...The essence of the great Way is to act purposefully without striving. Because of not striving yet acting purposefully, one does not fall into indifferent emptiness, dead voidness."

The final perfection, which I think is practically impossible, is one that requires a lot more boundaries and a monastic, hermitic lifestyle at a minimum. One still requires donations to connect one's feeding to the general economy, which again means someone has to strive, work and donate for others to live according to this perfection. In a world of violence and threats, there's always situations where one has to resort to survival reactivity for self-defence. It may be possible for some people to achieve this by purposefully neglecting survival, but I suspect that it's only a goal or principle to guide one closer to that inhuman ideal. "Now when you turn the light around to shine inward, [the mind] is not aroused by things; negative energy then stops, and the flower of light radiates a concentrated glow, which is pure positive energy...Now if in all activity and rest you abide in heaven while in the midst of humanity, the sovereign is then the real human being. When it moves, you move with it; the movement is the root of heaven. When it is at rest, you rest with it; the rest is the moon cavern."

Zen Master Gu Ja - Just eat, sleep and shit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HHFH2oQxNA

What feels more realistic is the trial and error attempts at integration that creates true knowledge through experience and bodily anchoring. "If the celestial mind keeps still and you miss the right timing in action, then that is an error of weakness. If you act in response to it after the celestial mind has acted, this is an error of staleness...Once the celestial mind stirs, then use pure attention to raise it up to the chamber of the creative, with the light of spirit focused on the crown of the head to guide it. This is acting in time." The translator Thomas Cleary, summarizes that "the golden flower practice can stop thoughts temporarily, but it does not warp reason. It enables one to think deliberately rather than compulsively. This use of mind opens a wider space for thought, with the ability to think and observe thought with detached clarity, so that one can put down useless thoughts and take up useful thoughts by means of independent discernment and will. The speed of its direct perception can also see at a glance where a train of thought will lead, conserving untold mental energy."

The Way of Flow

The reality for most people is that there are numerous micro-tensions in action, and because there's always some subtle use of energy, real life obstacles can cause considerable frustration for people at any level of meditative skill. It's not always how we miss the right timing to match an effortless breath with an action. So much of our intellectual life requires mental processing power, thoughts about choices that do matter to us emotionally, and unless a person is a complete renunciant, any form of pleasure that is experienced will have a natural clinging to want to repeat. The vast majority of readers are not going be like that. For most people, meditation is for rest, and even with integration, there is an enjoyment with thinking and acting that was never seen as problematic. What is often not talked enough about in spirituality is the value of concentration in daily life and how it can facilitate moments of effortlessness, or how Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi labels it: Flow.

For Csikszentmihalyi, our desires are helpful in maintaining a cohesive self. When you want to understand beauty, develop a new skill, and try to keep your body and mind intact and ordered against chaos, there is a kind of Tao in that. In Flow and the Foundations of Positive Psychology, he went beyond the typical need to match skills and challenges, with the intention of avoiding boredom and stress, so as to understand the psychological necessity in concentration. There is a kind of Tao in how he integrated so many of his earlier influences in psychology and philosophy, so the applicability is universal. Just like in Freudian psychoanalysis, self-preoccupation, a form of tiring narcissism that can appear when there is insecurity, it can force one to over effort into mimicry, acting and inauthenticity. People can't easily be themselves, and like in The Cure song Jumping Someone Else's Train, it's easy to be distracted by others who seem to be absorbed and happy. "According to the classical theories, a young person wants to imitate an adult who has status and power, someone who has control over desired resources, who can reward and punish. Socialization is supposed to be based primarily on fear, envy, and greed." Of course, the solution is to get absorbed in your own projects. The great thing about people is that they have different talents and abilities, so their point of absorption where skills meet challenges will be different, and therefore move against a hive mind. Society also requires differences between people to facilitate trade, and to reduce conflict over scarcity.

The Cure - Jumping Someone Else's Train: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1oWf07FRCw

Being distracted by others and what they are doing has two pathways. One is that of envy, with self-preoccupation, or that of inspiration and concentration. For Mihaly, those inspirational moments should send one into an absorption afterwards, and so life goes on and time flies when  you're having fun, or at least you've found yourself being interested. This is much better than being a wet blanket where "...self-awareness interrupts involvement in an [otherwise] enjoyable activity." Going further than that, the concentration itself works with activity to build a sense of self. Someone fractured by endless imitation and distraction will be stuck. "The self shows itself as a pattern of information in consciousness; more specifically, it is information that stands for, or represents, the information-processing organism itself. It is composed of past experiences strung together by acts of intentionality and shaped by feedback...Being a pattern, the self requires inputs of energy to keep its order intact. Like consciousness itself, of which it is one of the contents, the self does not keep its shape unless appropriate information is constantly provided to perpetuate its existence. To put it in the simplest possible terms, the self survives by assimilating feedback to intentions."

The monastic attitude in all religions is against endless Flow, because the distractions and interruptions can be jarring, but at the same time, many who meditate don't want to completely destroy the sense of self, and even many in spiritual practices have no intention of destroying their mental narrative or attempt to forget it. "This is the reason why religions that try to abolish the self prescribe giving up desires and purposeful actions. Renouncing worldly attachments is the central method used to destructure the self in Zen, Sufi, Yoga, Judeo-Christian, and several other spiritual traditions...Most people in most cultures, however, learn to develop their selves rather than aiming to dismantle them. In fact, once a self system is established in consciousness, it will try to maintain itself and increase its power. It can do so by directing the energies of the organism to produce feedback congruent with its intentions...Paradoxically, when we focus attention on the self, by so doing we deprive it of the sustenance it needs..."

"By contrast, concentration on an activity produces feedback which nurtures the self. This is especially true if the activity is freely chosen, if it presents opportunities for complex interactions and allows the formulation of increasingly unpredictable intentions. As a result of such an activity—and assuming it was moderately successful—the self emerges strengthened from the evidence of its accomplishments. So the self gets lost when we search for it, and reveals itself when we forget it...A non alienated self and the ability to find flow are the best predictors of happiness. Another way to view this pattern is within Mead’s conceptual framework. Attending to the self reveals the 'me,' or the self as object. Strictly speaking, the 'I' can never be found in consciousness. We can only sense it in action, so to speak; we know of it through its works. At best the 'I' appears as a flicker at the periphery of vision as we pursue some difficult or improbable task. For only then is the 'I,' or the active, self-determining agency of the self, revealed..." This means that the self appears ephemerally when we control the environment in a successful way and feel some sort of elation or satisfaction. What is left after the feeling vanishes is the conceptual self and evidence of the work completed. Alienation happens when others sabotage the work, criticize it unfairly, or try to take credit for it. Alienation also appears when attention from authority figures becomes the goal. Intrinsic motivation is seeing for oneself the value of one's work and how it helps oneself and loved ones. Surplus work can be traded on the market for the desired surplus of others. Imitation is necessary to find examples of pleasure and enjoyment for learning, as long as the pleasures are authentic and one is honest about the consequences. Those who imitate run the danger of imitating all the bad things from the role model in the effort to assimilate the good.

"Enjoyment builds the self. But the self destroys enjoyment; that is, when we reflect on the self, the interaction is interrupted, concentration collapses, and the feedback stops. Thus in the long run self-awareness is inimical to the self, because it interferes with the flow of information that is necessary to maintain it...Consciousness and the self are fragile structures of order that need constant inputs of information energy to expand or even to keep their form intact. The kind of information which can do this has certain common properties: it can be assimilated with neither too little nor too much difficulty; it presents opportunities for interaction with clear goals, rules and feedback; it allows concentration without distraction or ambiguity."

Now, there is a need for some self-preoccupation so that one can be aware of what one is doing wrong, but without concentration, the energy needed to make changes, the self-esteem energy, can be depleted and cause analysis paralysis. With endless imitation with our electronic devices, advertising, and pressures to keep up with the Joneses, it's easy to be found "jumping someone else's train." Meditation in the modern world isn't necessarily about going to nirvana and to remove survival attachment from the world, but to use it as a way to find rest and to regenerate interest. The intuition found in meditation often knows where to find those spots where skills and challenges meet in a good way and slowing down can be a way to get in touch with authentic inspiration. Some of the things we like and want often have a lot of entropy, wear and tear. Addictions can appear where the sensitivity to consequences is dulled. Resting in meditation can help to relax impulsivity and the mental peace created can provide space for intuition that has been stifled. One can also be more assertive and interact with those intuitions and ask questions. Anita Moorjani provided some examples: "What is my body trying to tell me?" "How can I love myself more?" "Why do I attract these relationships?" "How do I let go of these relationships?" There are endless examples to pay attention to, but it can be simplified by assessing how energetic or how heavy intuitions are. Is there any excitement, lightness or peace? Sometimes you think you want to do something and you get a relief when you realize that it's much better not to do anything at all.

Connecting with Inner Guidance - Anita Moorjani: https://youtu.be/AJjpTeAFw30?si=Ejm8i_p3OJjMo7fG

How to connect with your inner wisdom - Michele Theberge: https://youtu.be/1evyf4CiATA?si=0iYcWMrCjFS2auA6

How To Use Your Intuition (The Inner Voice) - Teal Swan: https://youtu.be/eiiJBfIVmJo?si=_kradTlbdlZ9EkUw

The Hidden Link Between Anger and Self-Loyalty - Teal Swan: https://youtu.be/ehkhdfWf5B0?si=tmyNTkqJ3FqLEih1

A Foundation in Silence - Adyashanti: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-EsjO8lndM

Still small voice - Adyashanti: https://youtube.com/shorts/W_h5PqrDIbg?si=Kk3lIUylOXDTftHP

Some people want to formally remember any perceptions and jot them down in notes. Some of the crazier, stranger, cryptic symbols can take longer periods of time to fit into an understanding. Different camps arise where positivity is more emphasized, but others find that negativity has a lot of truth to it. One of the pleasant elements of dealing with the negative is that if there are any areas where actions are possible, you can relax and not ruminate when those problems are in the past. Conversely, positive intuition tends to point to environments and situations where activities and behaviors can be optimized. What environments would be best for these skills? This is a big clue for those interested in career advancement or career change. The smaller the leap between transferrable skills and a new position, the more successful that transition will be. You don't need a career counselor to tell you how you should feel. Author Alain De Botton, a very successful writer for example, job shadowed a career counselor in his The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work, and you would think that his test results would confirm that. Instead he was assessed as a "candidate [displaying] average abilities which would render him well-suited to a range of middle-ranking administrative and commercial posts." Since all transitions have gaps in knowledge, one can drop a perfectionist attitude towards an unending seamless life experience. A lower expectation can help people tolerate imperfection, and the role of concentration now increases in importance. Being able to breathe effortlessly while waiting for a slow computer, for example, can save pockets of energy. For Alain, high expectations have to be supported with large doses of reality, or self-preoccupation will return and destroy any potential pleasures that could exist in more mundane jobs. Concentration allows for appreciation in a normal humdrum daily life, but high expectations could lead to disappointment, resentment, and maybe revolution. "I left the [Career Counseling] company newly aware of the unthinking cruelty discreetly coiled within the magnanimous bourgeois assurance that everyone can discover happiness through [Freud's] work and love. It isn't that these two entities are invariably incapable of delivering fulfillment, only that they almost never do so." When you make success an entitlement, whole populations can potentially hate their own being and motivate them to "burn it all down," so to say. This is why comparison and envy can be so destructive, yet a person who is currently in concentration is consciously experiencing greater well-being than a rich person stuck in self-preoccupation.

Because things aren't optimum, one doesn't have to be overly afraid of some negative feelings arising from self-preoccupation, from time to time, because if those situations are used as a compass, then opposite situations can be sought out as a way to create meaning and provide fresh new goals. Role models who are more positive tend to be more authentic teachers and provide a crucial healthy avenue for an onlooker stuck in self-preoccupation. "It is, rather, the conviction they conveyed that what they were doing was worth doing, that it was intrinsically valuable...He could not fake enthusiasm, conviction, or belief either for our sake or for his own...Meaning cannot be taught; it can only be demonstrated in one’s own actions." In Mihaly's definition of an inspirational teacher, positive role models provide examples of a possible future for students. Inauthentic teachers do the opposite. "Education fails when becoming an adult is no longer a desirable option...To be convinced, a youth has to feel that being an adult can be meaningful. This in turn requires exposure to persons who derive intrinsic rewards from adult roles. Similarly, young people will not want to become philosophers or scientists if their teachers do not enjoy philosophy or science."

Not everyone of course is mentally healthy enough for this. Some may dread the most basic actions because of their woundedness and depression. Mihaly quoted a healthy example from Dante. "In every action…the main intention of the agent is to express his own image; thus it is that every agent, whenever he acts, enjoys the action. Because everything that exists desires to be, and by acting, the agent unfolds his being, [so] action is naturally enjoyable." Mihaly wanted a playfulness in agents, but not to the point of being aimless. There also has to be enough seriousness to try to do something well. The power of the role model is when their pleasure becomes confirmation that certain challenges can be fun. "It is important for teachers and parents not to emphasize too much the instrumental aspects of education. The more learning is talked about as simply a ticket to a well-paying job, the less easy it will be for students to realize its intrinsic rewards. The most effective message is one that is embodied in the adults’ living example. A parent or teacher who reads complex books for enjoyment, who listens to stimulating music in free time, who gets involved in ideas and in challenging conversations, is a concrete proof that learning can be rewarding in and of itself." In this case, the intrinsic benefits would be the pleasure that manifests when performance is good in one way or another.

People have to take in rules at times from society, like the rules of a sport, but eventually the agent has to be able to assess for themselves if they are getting better. When the activity is discontinued, the intuition can light up to return to the activity when a viable way to improve dawns on the mind. It's always pointing to the appropriate challenges and skills. "People voluntarily concentrate on tasks when they perceive environmental demands for action matching their capacity to act. In other words, when situational challenges balance personal skills, a person tends to attend willingly." This means that the new information being assimilated can't be too overwhelming. "It seems that every time people enjoy what they are doing, or in any way transcend ordinary states of existence, they report specific changes in attentional processes. To be conscious of pleasurable experiences one must narrow the focus of attention exclusively on the stimuli involved. What we usually call 'concentration' is this intensely focused attention on a narrow range of stimuli...[For example,] a university professor described his state of mind when rock climbing, which is his favorite leisure activity: 'When I start to climb, it’s as if my memory input had been cut off. All I can remember is the last thirty seconds, and all I can think ahead is the next five minutes…With tremendous concentration the normal world is forgotten.'" Like in a good meditation, the mind focuses on the just right amount of information to engage in the activity without being distracted. "Optimal experiences occur when a person voluntarily focuses his attention on a limited stimulus field, while aversive experiences involve involuntary focusing of attention."

Because of this, Mihaly has a reminder for social engineers who want to bend the world in their direction. "The intense concentration required for complex achievement appears to be available only when given willingly..." Therefore the "voluntary focusing of attention on a limited stimulus field is necessary to achieve socially valued goals." This emphasis can also be applied to parenting, to allow children some freedom of choose, and a relaxed concentration can be role modeled to convince kids that it can be enjoyable when concentration is chosen freely. Children that can develop concentration and apply it to as many activities as possible will stand a good chance of enjoying life and have the ability to make their own life choices independently and authentically. Surrendering desire then becomes an aid for rest and provides many experiences to help people practice facing their own mortality.

WEF Spokesman Unwittingly Endorses Trump For President! - The Jimmy Dore Show: https://youtu.be/Y3-ICqFkjjU?si=bSCWbfO7s0hF2d9p

Worldly life, Negotiation, and Conflict

In a modern world full of digital trappings, and no matter how hermitic and secluded a person's lifestyle is, it's all interdependent. Because families, economies, political environments, and technologies are all interconnected, a monastic lifestyle cannot teach enough skills that are suited for a householder lifestyle. Even further, the pathological side of worldly life is not something you can shield yourself from all the time. Violence, crime, and conflicts of all kinds can potentially arise with a regularity, especially in big cities where a larger population is competing for space. The Buddhist Papañca typically in these situations with others, goes into thinking about those others, and how to predict their behavior. In psychoanalysis, it's ruminating about objects, or thinking about people you find difficult, and having the pressure to predict how they will behave. It leads to those automatic thoughts and plans for the kind of responses you would like to perform. As noted in my episode on Trap Doors in regards to spirituality, one has to have people skills, especially if one is to have boundaries and have the ability to say no in worldly life. Negotiation is a worldly skill.

An irony in spirituality is that when you apply boundaries, you kind of are a little hermitic already. For example, people who have suffered the abuse cycle, of intermittent reinforcement, that gradually increases the punishments, a predictable C-PTSD that arises afterwards makes many want to be hermitic once more. The cycle is typically a form of idealization (rewards and praise), devaluation (punishment and criticism), triangulation (playing people off of each other), and discard (rejection). That cycle is in businesses, governments, families, friendships, and intimate relationships. The irony of modern life after the introduction of digital creativity is that many people are already living a hermitic lifestyle because of these toxic relationships. Some people didn't wait for a discard phase and just left because it was so predictable. Adding even more heaps of irony is the fact that spiritual institutions are also supplying these toxic patterns for your astonishment, and what was a promised escape often ends in absurdity. In response to that, many modern people find themselves floating around in schizoid lifestyles with a mastery for sublimation in personal projects. This is to the point where they can't be easily labeled as Schizoid when their personal projects are the only ones they have enough confidence in to control and achieve a modicum of fulfillment. Unfortunately, introverts are often times treated as if they are potentially anti-social dangerous people, when in a lot of cases they are busy and engaged, and sometimes more so than than those criticizing them. And it also doesn't help single people when they try to make friends and end up becoming a third wheel or a potential rival for a mate, which often happens when psychologists push patients to get into the love and work dynamic more assertively. Alone and single people also have to deal with lost employment with those employers who dislike the independence of single workers and who prefer those who have marriages, children and mortgages. Those types can't uproot so easily and are forced to be obsequious to bosses, no matter how unfair the treatment.

Meditation: Trap Doors: https://rumble.com/v1grer7-meditation-trap-doors.html

We Don't Get It Until We Go Through It - NARCDAILY -You Are Not Alone: https://youtu.be/VaNlx8PHjro?si=eK6enlQixrNvnacF

Why Your Silence Is The Key To Healing - NARCDAILY -You Are Not Alone: https://youtu.be/D0kj7cJ2QS4?si=wUwNFe-Z0nAcFMuW

Sublimation - Sigmund Freud: https://rumble.com/v1gv2fr-sublimation-sigmund-freud.html

Schizoid Trailer: https://youtu.be/az1RqTxCIvs?si=g9DRNbljlMdY2AE_

Schizoid Personality Disorder | InternetKindness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lowhBuZambA

Discrimination Against Singles - Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/happy-singlehood/202201/discrimination-against-singles

Why I Don't Have Many Friends - Natasha Newton: https://youtu.be/N6wdBDOVAqg?si=oCnKRqEvmDfZbSzQ

I have no friends (in my 50's) The Unexpected Gypsy: https://youtu.be/ZDxc7OAOq_E?si=mrqGlurCj2IkE_ce

I didn't have friends most of my life - being ‘unsocial’ and finding belonging - The Cottage Fairy: https://youtu.be/9vcQqPLDDgo?si=ywGSnc7e0tgDJfyP

The reason why I have no friends - Verdant Vanille: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5GjobP6dRA

I Have No Friends | Why I Don't and How I've Learned to be Okay - Emily Joy: https://youtu.be/umpAC4pKFV4?si=QSEXcwQH-GqIU1tw

Loneliness improved my Art and Mindset - Valerie Lin: https://youtu.be/fR-37iygzsY?si=LIABk9DcQ76SBDN2

Live ALONE- you are enough - Reflections of Life: https://youtu.be/VfgWldeGsIQ?si=xCLXKGW7o7EF6JH3

Being ugly: My Experience - Never Give Up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n5nOEJtrYA

Why Being Ugly is a Blessing - James Ray Gregory: https://youtu.be/r50r3r0ahFc?si=9AkKlU0cAZ2JrXM-

In a metropolitan modern life, many are also experimenting with worldly lifestyles by moving to different countries. There are both people wanting to live in another country where they become a visible minority, and there are those who grew up as a minority and want to move to countries of origin, to escape the feeling of being "Othered." In a New York Times article Blaxit, by Colette Coleman, African Americans described the burdens they left behind in the U.S. "Mr. Bradley, 63, who moved with his wife, Marlene, 69, from Los Angeles to Rwanda in 2021 before settling in Zanzibar, said that arriving in Kigali felt like 'a load off my shoulders'...Mrs. Bradley also felt relieved and safer in Africa. 'You don’t feel like you’re looking over your shoulder,' she said...In Uganda, [Mrs. Kirya-Ziraba] no longer faces 'a thousand cuts' of racism, she said. For years she had made accommodations, big and small, to try to control other people’s perceptions: smiling to appear nonthreatening, buying nicer clothes to avoid being mistaken for a domestic worker, and straightening her hair to be seen as more professional. She knew she had been acquiescing, but, she said, 'I didn’t know the extent until I didn’t have to do any of that.'" The reality of why there's so much conflict becomes the buried-lead in the story. African Americans in their example do have cultural aspects that are different from the ones found in many African countries, so the feeling of escape can be short-lived.  For example, some countries are very militant against LGBT individuals. "In Uganda, the Anti-Homosexuality Act enacted last year punishes gay sex with life imprisonment and in some cases death. Similar bills have been introduced in other African countries, such as Ghana and Kenya."

Blaxit: Tired of Racism, Black Americans Try Life in Africa - Colette Coleman: https://1ft.io/proxy?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F2024%2F02%2F16%2Frealestate%2Fafrican-americans-africa.html

10 Reasons Why African Americans Leave Africa And Never Return - Freedom Chasers: https://youtu.be/7ikjODzn1BA?si=CgZRxetujQCrpjNb

3 Reasons People Don't Stay in Africa - Awaken With Mark: https://youtu.be/udz9jaPK6eM?si=VUQFbakf3y9qQE3q

10 Reasons Why You Should NOT Move To Africa - Freedom Chasers: https://youtu.be/HB51GPOjL_Q?si=VPlT6Go2_1KazyRe

Ugly Truths About Ghana by Gabby Mack: https://youtu.be/Mjvu8SqxMOc?si=QYX4ZHqqAsrSLG4q

Why are you gay? - Poopoophobic Pasta: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmLU-Q2KlH4

Eat the Poo Poo extended - Poopoophobic Pasta: https://youtu.be/KhmUqJzu9eI?si=qXthHV5J9UG058x5

Uganda president signs anti-gay law that includes death penalty - NBC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l7_e8_BqTQ

Why Western Men Are Manipulated By Thai Women: https://youtu.be/fh7S8X5oA7Y?si=YAmaW3G3Qx8y4uq9

Do Black People Face Racism in Japan? - Seeds Of Success: https://youtu.be/aT3r4BX29sw?si=DctOxy9dbvb6l0-f

"Don't Come To Tokyo ..." - The Black Experience Japan: https://youtu.be/srXYLdW15sM?si=mbuxD8OLNTUxD3j6

Why South Koreans are so racist towards people from certain countries - Korean Jin: https://youtu.be/b8Hib_epDGY?si=CWNAV0kjDqcpIucG

India being racist to China vs China being racist to India - Mexico-Columbia: https://youtube.com/shorts/jAoRkThRAD8?si=ld_O71Fpx5i0XnaZ

Are Indians racist? - Hindustan Times: https://youtu.be/HPsAFmtrupc?si=pPmgamgyV2ufmNxs

Is the South racist? We asked South Carolinians | AJ+: https://youtu.be/h2TPlxBIvOQ?si=ZiAjZqHoSDVyrJ6y

Visit The South - 10 Things That Will SHOCK You About The South USA - Wolters World: https://youtu.be/szbyA3Bic_w?si=q_h1M9H55qC8sk6h

What's Dating In Russia Like For Black People - Afro Russia TV: https://youtu.be/mjNfMft86kE?si=cz4OcviQDp21qlca

Racism in Russia is Tough - Agent Nesty: https://youtu.be/QhUFXrU75dA?si=0OJUQPQF7zzx1whv

When trying to love and work, clashes over values remind readers that what people are truly fighting about goes deeper than culture and goes right down to personality preferences, ethical preferences, and skill levels. People want to work with others where skills match comfortably and workers are cooperative. As soon as that becomes impossible, there is a realization that it often doesn't matter what country a person is living in or which cultures are involved. Clashes of preferences continue. "You’re coming here and you’re expecting that everybody’s Black, so I’m going to be OK,” Ms. Davis said. 'But then you get here and then you’re being 'othered' — viewed as different and separate...The 'othering' goes both ways. Some Ghanaians feel discrimination from Black Americans, said Ekua Otoo, 36, a Ghanaian in Accra. Black American communities there can be insular, she said, and their businesses often prefer to hire Black Americans, or Indians and Lebanese, for senior positions, while qualified Ghanaians are excluded or underpaid. 'If you’re leaving the U.S. to come to Ghana thinking about 'I’m coming to the motherland,' at least treat us right,' Ms. Otoo said."

Since people can gaslight and be defensive, the psychology ideal to treat people only according to their actions and behaviors, can be hard because you have to watch yourself all the time. When criticizing someone for their work, accuracy and fairness of the criticism is important, but it may not be taken that way by the employee, and if certain cultures are preferred, because work communication and training goes more smoothly, you end up more with a valu-ism that underlies what people feel as racism. All employees that feel daunted when they know they have to learn a new skill also have to watch if they are deflecting their negative emotions and blaming others. Because everyone has some values, including professed nihilists, who would protest if they were ever robbed and beaten, there is always a potential for conflict. This gets compounded by the fact that humans are social animals, and therefore influence and imitate. All humans in all cultures seduce, proselytize, convince, argue, debate, protest and demand cooperation and conformity. Clear communication about values and what is expected on the job has to be applied with fairness and no favoritism so that people can trust the environment will reward good work when it's done. Anything that goes into identity politics is destined for conflict and resentment. Of course, nepotism and cronyism is alive and well in all countries so the challenge continues on. The patterns can be found everywhere if you are willing to look, but those businesses that can learn to bridge the gap between cultures, who provide excellent training, flexible jobs, and fair treatment will likely end up with the highest ratings and be the most sought after by workers with the highest skills. Those with the lowest skills typically have to tolerate worse conditions until they are able to negotiate with their experience, and possibly trade-up into better work environments. Absurdity shadows all human endeavor and can't be eliminated completely.

Because the world is absurd in many ways, absurdity has to be included in philosophical thoughts about engagement with the world, and it can only be the world as it is. Albert Camus understood absurdity and its constant presence. "I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one's burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

The Secret of the Golden Flower - Thomas Cleary: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780062501936/

Daoist Meditation - Wu Jyh Cherng: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781848192119/

The Lankavatara Sutra - Red Pine: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781619020993/

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up - Marie Kondo: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781607747307/

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2014). Intrinsic Motivation and Effective Teaching In Applications of Flow in Human Development and Education. Springer, Dordrecht.

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2014). Toward a Psychology of Optimal Experience. Flow and the Foundations of Positive Psychology, 209–226.

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1978). Attention and the Holistic Approach to Behavior. In: Pope, K.S., Singer, J.L. (eds) The Stream of Consciousness. Emotions, Personality, and Psychotherapy. Springer, Boston, MA.

The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work - Alain De Botton: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780771026034/

Robert Dubin, Joseph E. Champoux, Central life interests and job satisfaction, Organizational Behavior and Human Performance, Volume 18, Issue 2, 1977, Pages 366-377

The Myth of Sisyphus - Albert Camus: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780525564454/

Contemplative Practice: http://psychreviews.org/category/contemplativepractice/

#meditation #buddhism #taoism #daoism #mihaly csikszentmihalyi #absurdism #albert camus #alain de botton #schizoid #feeling alone #goldenflower

[fitzonomy]

When you were a small human, what was the peak of adulthood? And how does it differ from now?

I had a super unusual childhood in that not only was I raised in severe trauma but also because for most of it I had a parent/guardian who severely gaslit me and my step-siblings. The goal posts for "adulthood" were in a constant stake of flux in order to accommodate whatever reality was convenient for my parents. In addition, the religious environment was also strange. If it were just fundamentalist Christian a la the states, it might be easier to understand. However, I grew up more in a cult setting. Adulthood was predicated on following the rules (that were always changing) and being in the good graces of the members. All-in-all it seems like there was never a "peak" but rather the expectation that my performance in going through arbitrary hoops is what made me an adult (the hoops being made by people who did not give me appropriate care and support).

Almost two decades later, I've been able to take care of my mental, emotional, and physical well-being such that I know that was an unsustainable idea of adulthood. Much like a lot of ideas I had, "adult" has shifted from a label of identity to a label of function and relationships. Adult versus adulting, for lack of a better word. Sometimes there are hoops, but instead of performance (where I needed to clear the things 99-100%) I get to choose which hoops I jump through and decide my own metric for success.

This was a really interesting question! Thank you for asking it. I'm going to ruminate on it some more because I think it's something I worry about a lot without knowing it but perhaps there's therapeutic value in working with my own feelings on "being an adult" and/or "doing adult things."

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

How *does* one optimize the bejesus out of one’s record collection?

That's a really good question! (Is it a mistake to end sentences with prepositions? Yes.)

If you use Spotify, you can play the "most played" playlist for each album. If you use something else, it's harder, but there may be equivalent things.

I think the best way to get a really good "most played" playlist may be to only listen to one album until you have a big feeling of satisfaction. (E.g. "oh, I feel like I really understand what that album is trying to do now! I'm done with it.") Then, the next time you play it, when you reach that satisfaction point, stop playing it, and switch to the next album that is in the "most played" category. Repeat until all your albums are played in order.

When I listen to an album, I'll often listen to it several times before I'm satisfied with it. With one album, I often keep listening to it even after I'm satisfied, but when I do that I'm not really listening to it anymore, I'm just ruminating on it. If you find that you're just ruminating on an album after you've already (say) enjoyed it 7 or 8 times, just stop and listen to another album.

Another thing, which is somewhat unusual, but might make sense for you, is to listen to new albums in chronological order. That is, the first album you ever get (at least at the start of the process) is the earliest one you can find and then you just keep going. It might be nice to know the history of some music genres, e.g. progressive rock. Or, alternatively, if you have to have everything, you might pick an arbitrary date, say "everything after 1980," then pick the oldest thing in your library that was made after that date, and keep going.

#lurking-latinist #i profess

[grimalkinsquill]

I saw your arcadeology reblog and got curious. If you were to make a miracle box based on the Tuatha Dé Danann what animals would you put in it?

I've been ruminating over this all day, since seeing this in my inbox in the morning.

There are a lot of ways to answer this question (I did one in the reblog you mentioned, where I picked named Tuath Dé and gave answers based on very loose animal associations with each), but I honestly think the easiest would be to work with a pre-existing framework with the Four Treasures. Because if I were to go through the entire list of the Tuatha Dé Danann, well-

The box would be too big, IMHO, and it'd be hard to balance them all and give them animals without repeating them. So,

The Four Treasures of the Tuatha Dé Danann

These Four Treasures were brought with the Tuatha Dé Danann when they moved from the four island cities they originated from to Ireland, with each treasure corresponding to each city (Murias, Falias, Gorias and Findias).

Reverse engineering these Treasures into Miraculous tools and then finding animals for each would be a lot easier than attributing animals to the Tuatha (who were really fluid in nature, from my understanding, and thus didn't exactly have one animal to each, unlike say the Olympians who each have A Commonly Associated Sacred Animal).

Cauldron of the Dagda

Associated with the city of Murias, the Cauldron's main property is that "no company ever went away from it unsatisfied". It is an "un-dry" cauldron that'll never run out and will essentially make delicious food forever.

I would more or less replace the Ladybug's function with the Cauldron's by having each "akuma" (I honestly wouldn't even use akuma for this story, I'd have the Hawk Moth-esque figure draw power from the Fomorians to corrupt civilians) be purified with a good meal. The episode format would involve tricking the "akuma" into eating a bite of soup and feeling better about life again to tie into Miraculous's theme of mental health (when it feels like the world hates you, eat a little and the world will look a little brighter). More or less merge Miraculous Ladybug and Lucky Charm's functions with soup. I realise I sound like my móraí, but soup good.

I'm going to stick with Horse here because I cannot (and will not) escape the Dagda's association with horses, simply because while he is a druid, one of his epithets is Eochaid Ollathair ("horseman, all-father"). The horse carries the cauldron along in a saddle, its weapon being a big-ass ladle (the ladle for the Cauldron was said to be so big that two humans could fit inside of it, so y'know, channel the Dagda's lorg anfaid ("the staff/club/mace of wrath") with the ladle.

Stone of Fál (Lia Fáil)

This is the hard one. Associated with the city of Falias, the Stone of Fál is highly believed to be an actual landmark you can go to. It is a large, massive stone, a sacred space where all the kings of Ireland were crowned, thus giving it its nickname of the Coronation Stone.

The reason it's like that, according to the Tuath Dé version of the legend, is that the stone would "roar with joy" when the rightful king of Ireland put his feet upon it. It would also rejuvenate the king and give him a long reign.

I wouldn't have the tool be the entire 1-metre-tall rock. That'd be ridiculous. And also deprive respect given to the actual sacred space around the rock. Instead, I would have the Miraculous be a fragment of the rock from when Cúchulainn split it with his sword (long story short: he tried to have his protege crowned king of Ireland. The stone did not agree. Cúchulainn took things into his own hands from there, as he is wont to do). Maybe it's held as a pendant or similar, the stone picking its champions on the same basis as it used to kings back when it was whole.

Giving an associated animal is also hard for this one, as the Stone has touched the destiny of many kings (of the Tuatha and others). I'm going to make an arbitrary decision to go off of Bres, the more-or-less-agreed-upon "First" High King of the Tuatha in Ireland (the title is debatable, but given that Nuada will be getting his turn later in this round-up, I'm making an executive decision). Bres is, essentially, a motherfucker. He is a villain. His name might've been derived from a root word that meant "fight" or "uproar" (and more speculation with that, but I want to focus on those in particular for this). Bres is described with a couple different phrases: kindly friend, hot of valour, the flower of the Tuatha De, hot of valour, the ornament of the host, with a visage never woeful, spear-attended king. Bres's associated Miraculous in this box has the Lion, a showboat but one looking for meaning and a true master. A real king to support. With the spectre of Bres, wanting to atone for favouring his Fomorian kin (he was half-Fomorian, half-Tuath) and taking advantage of Nuada's condition to do so. When transformed, the tool is both the stone fragment and a spear (maybe give this boi a shield, too, making the spear a short-spear, for close melee, over a longer one. I'm still mulling this over).

Spear of Lugh

I know I just made a spear an accessory weapon of the Stone. Listen. There are a lot of spears in this section of folklore. They were handy.

Associated with the city of Gorias, the Spear of Lugh has many names. It's kind of like Excalibur in that way because it's such an exciting narrative that many people focused on it. It's the Spear of Lugh, mainly, but also the Spear of Assal, Ar-éadbair, "Slaughterer". Some connect it with Lúin of Celtchar of Scottish myth, but there's not enough evidence in enough texts to fully make that association comfortably, IMO. Mainly, the Spear of Lugh is a spear of many stories, where it has a lot of different attributes. The main one, though, is that it is a spear of combat prowess: nobody can win against the spear or its wielder. Other details depend on telling but include:

two incantations (one to have the spear always hit its mark and the other to return the spear to your hand)

a tip that had to be kept immersed in water to keep it from igniting

symbolism about the spear essentially being lightning as a weapon

did not need a wielder, could float on its own, and hungered for blood unless soaked in a sleeping draught of pounded fresh poppy leaves

The incantations make it work well when translated into a Miraculous framework. I would have this function similarly to how we have Chat Noir in combat: this is the strong arm to the soft arm of soup with the Cauldron. This is your "if the heroes lose this to the villains, it has to be a retconned timeline for the story to continue" affair right here. This is the only Miraculous that I'd ever give an actual mechanical time limit for (you transform and have a brief window of working through seemingly impossible combat situations before you go mad with bloodlust), adult or not. As an interesting contrast to the Stone's Lion-based combat support, I would give the Spear a Greyhound to symbolise it. Both after Lugh's hound and also to really make the sprint of the combat obvious and unavoidable.

Sword of Light

Associated with the city of Findias, we come at last to the Sword of Light (or Claiomh Solais, if'n you're inclined). While I said that the Spear of Lugh was like Excalibur, the Sword of Light is very near and dear to Excalibur's heart. Like, there are (last I checked, anywhoozies) thesis papers about the Sword of Light and Excalibur and which of them came first (a very chicken vs the egg kind of debate to me, honestly). And then there's the Grail Sword with the chair for that debate, and it's A Whole Thing.

But we're not here to have a supreme academic breakdown about folkloric swords. We're here for serotonin and Miraculous AUs.

Within the context of the Tuatha, the Sword of Light was Nuada's. While I acknowledge that its principles are "no one can escape from it once it was drawn from its sheathe, and no one could resist it", we already have an omega combat Miraculous in this box. I also don't want to deal with another one that could end in tragedy (as the Sword of Light sometimes kills its owner; note the "no one can escape" part of its core design, meaning someone has to die by it if you take it out).

Instead, I want to focus on the Tain angle of it, as Nuadu's Cainnel. Nuada's ever-glowing, bright torch.

Nuada is characterised by his silver hand and his associations with hunting and fishing (y'know, outside of when he's constantly fighting for his right to be king). We can retain the "no one can escape" feature of the sword by weaving it in with Nuada's hunting sphere of influence.

So, weaving together a bunch of different aspects about Nuada (the etymology of his name as debated being about heroes, mists, hazes, clouds, hunting, compelling), I would like to really lean into that this is fictional reimagining and make this Nuada tied to the moon, and hence, the Wolf. A hunter associated with silver and light really spells moonlight and wolves to me. It also contrasts directly with the Lion and the Grayhound by spinning the "wolves are uncontrollable monsters" idea on its head by the supposedly domestic dog being more of a threat and problem than the wolf. The Lion and Wolf wouldn't get along, to start with, until a bigger problem plays into the story (because Bres conspired, not once but twice, to take Nuada's kingship. Perhaps Bres accepts Nuada now, but Nuada, twice-burned, doesn't trust that. Thankfully, the Horse provides a mediator, and the Grayhound can strong-arm both of them should they not listen to soup and reason).

(before people get pedantic: I know Wikipedia says Elatha is the Irish lunar deity. However, given that Elatha is associated with all forms of illumination, he does not have a monopoly on the moon)

TL;DR: Horse, Lion, Grayhound, Wolf. Big, beefy bois, with the Horse as the leader-type character and the Lion, Grayhound, and Wolf serving as their combat entourage.

[aaronmaurer]

Music I Liked in 2022

Every year I reflect on the pop culture I enjoyed and put it in some sort of order.

2022 was a good music year, alt/indie rock-wise, anyway. I found that each season brought a different favorite, so much like last year, trying to rank them would be quite arbitrary. Once again, I’ve put my recommendations into three tiers as well as a couple bonus categories for further listening.

Here’s a playlist of songs from my top 15(ish) records for your sampling pleasure:

Tier 3: Worth A Listen

Belle and Sebastian – A Bit Of Previous

A quite catchy and fun return-to-form from the Scottish indie rockers.

Dayglow – People In Motion

For his second record in as many years, Sloan Struble leans back into the electropop of his debut, resulting in the poppiest and most consistent Dayglow release yet.

Dermot Kennedy – Sonder

While not quite as folk-inflected as his debut, Kennedy’s sophomore full-length is a solid and soulful collection of lovelorn pop jams.

First Aid Kit – Palomino

Sweden’s Söderberg sisters latest LP features a great collection of sweeping pop anthems and lush harmonies.

PUP – THE UNRAVELING OF PUPTHEBAND

This record from Canada’s PUP is a super meta and darkly comic blast of pop-punk energy, featuring imagined meetings with record executives and existential ruminations on life as a professional musician.

Tier 2: Appointment Listening

Anaïs Mitchell – Anaïs Mitchell and Bonny Light Horseman – Rolling Golden Holy

Hadestown creator Anaïs Mitchell had a busy year, releasing her first solo album in almost a decade in January and then a sophomore album with Bonny Light Horseman in October. Both are lovely collections of poetic folk-rock.

Beach Bunny – Emotional Creature

Following up on 2021’s excellent Blame Game EP, the second full-length from Beach Bunny is a great mix of pop-rock tunes, by turns introspective and propulsive.

Metric – Formentera

The latest from synth-rock powerhouse Metric is another excellent blend of indelible hooks and Emily Haines’ reflective lyrics.

Spoon – Lucifer On The Sofa

I’m not a Spoon megafan, but their latest record is an undeniable mix of rootsy guitar riffs and grooves that stands with the best of their catalog.

Tall Heights – Juniors

Juniors is a bit more pop-oriented and less folky than their previous efforts without losing their signature transportive soundscapes.

Tier 1: Highest Recommendation

Alex G – God Save The Animals

A fully-realized synthesis of Alex G’s most melodic songwriting and quirkier impulses, God Save The Animals ruminates on subjects of faith, love, and the beauty and darkness of the human condition. As compelling and mysterious as ever.

Bartees Strange – Farm To Table

The sophomore LP from idiosyncratic singer/songwriter/guitarist Bartees Strange is an adventurous fusion of styles and influences, with affecting personal lyrics including reflections on subjects including his experience as a military brat, the pandemic and the death of George Floyd.

beabadoobee – Beatopia

A lovely bedroom pop record that recalls female-fronted 90s dream pop and alt-rock, Beatopia feels both familiar and fresh, like making a new friend you feel like you’ve known forever.

Stars – From Capelton Hill

Very much a pandemic record, the latest from Canada’s Stars is nonetheless beautiful and moving, with resonant themes of loss, isolation, connection, and through it all, the slightest glimmers of hope.

The Wombats – Fix Yourself, Not The World and Is This What It Feels Like To Feel Like This? EP

I hadn’t fully connected with Liverpool’s Wombats before, but their latest full-length caught my attention with a collection of hook-laden tunes evocative of the 90s Britpop explosion’s best. The companion EP from later in the year is no less catchy or popsmart.

BONUS! Other Favorite EPs of the Year

Khruangbin & Leon Bridges – Texas Moon

Following on their Texas Sun EP from 2020, Khruangbin and Leon Bridges’ latest collaboration is another smooth collection of tuneful psych-rock, culminating in personal song-of-the-year contender “Mariella.”

Of Monsters and Men – Tíu

I’ve fallen off on OMAM a bit over the past few years, but this EP commemorating the 10th anniversary of their debut is a compelling reminder of what makes them special.

DOUBLE BONUS! Streaming-Only Albums

So, I’m very much an outlier in how I listen to music, preferring to buy physical copies of albums rather than paying for streaming services. As such, I use the likes of Spotify mainly to preview records before purchasing from the artists and since its free version only allows shuffle mode on mobile devices, I end up not spending as much time with albums I don’t own.

I really like each of these records but as I hold out hope for CDs or vinyl someday, I have yet to buy digital versions and haven’t listened enough to slot them among the other picks above.

The Big Pink – The Love That’s Ours

Ethel Cain – Preacher’s Daughter

Gungor – Love Song to Life

John Van Deusen – (I Am) Origami Pt. 4 – Marathon Daze

Taxes – Retirement Home

#music #Spotify

[eclipsenoir]

Tw: Self inflicted harm, blood, implied violence, death.  This is a dream, in description. Read at your own discretion.

One: Heartburn.

There is a fire. 

It kindles from the breath of a flame, an effervescent candle, sighing to the destructive thundering of rumination. It catches first onto tablecloth, struggles for a minute of hesitation, then claws its way through across the surface and flooring. The room begins to burn.

Some frazzled edge of it leaps from its next mouthful of cloth and into the fireplace Taeil is perched in front of and, with what appears to be rapture, bristles into an abundance of life of its own, joining in on the festering inferno. Firewood logs tumble with the sheer force of it, and in the omnipotence of its heaved breaths, Taeil hears a steady chant of his name. Taeil, Taeil, Taeil. 

But he remains uprooted and adjacent, almost like a statue, even as the fire seeks further interest in growing far beyond wood and brick. It licks his knees, kisses his cheeks scorched, yet still, Taeil remains there, motionless, blending into the burning room as he believes fateful.

He stares into the promise written in the choir of baking embers, a bargain timed in the crackling of rapidly retrograding firewood, whispered in the dense smoke which chokes him to tears. Were you to give me that aching mess of a heart in your chest, I would take away all the pain you feel in exchange. Taeil hears it say, as life around him begins to collapse into sweltering decline. I would save you, and you would burn without all the things wrong about it. And in this desperate attempt to save himself, he thinks it true.

In an instant, all five of Taeil’s right fingertips come into contact with the left of his breast. He catches and holds each breath allowed by the smoke as he presses hard into the flesh underneath his shirt, palm eclipsing his heart. Dull nails drawing half moons like a footstep in the sand around the bulging flesh. The fire spits at his feet and chants his name much louder than before, and he begins to bleed. The chest, the nose. Fresh blood seeps underneath his nails, trickle into large drops of rouge on his wrists. He feels none of it, but clenches his jaw and cries out still as the embers give a grotesque groan and bring forth the sudden growth of his nails. They become claws, like those of a large beast. A mercy.

Taeil rips out his beating heart with ease, ploughing through flesh and bone and more blood, and the flames leap with unparalleled joy for it. For a split second they appear in the shape of a pair of hands he’d once adored. But it’s too late for him to turn back as there, in the arms of his supposed salvation, burns his entire epicentre. 

It shivers ceaselessly as it falls apart, as though a cornered animal at mercy of regret, in the otherwise jovial flames. The room itself seems to shudder alongside the burning arteries. The gap in Taeil’s chest does not tremble nor weep for the arbitrary loss of its only companion, however. And neither does Taeil, who just watches, for he’d always known he’d lose his heart to a burning room of his own making.

Somehow, though, everything else falls prey to the inferno save for himself. At length, once his heart is nothing but ashes, he raises the already bloodied palm to wipe his nose.

Two: Death sentence.

Here, the fire is no more, but there is still blood. In excess, there is blood.

And a silence of such omnificence as may would name the room silence itself. This time Taeil looks for his hand and finds a mix of dried and fresh blood traced on worn finger-pads. They tremble under his gaze, flowing about the present moment inconsistently like a mirage of himself. The only thing he can hear is the abysmal nothingness echoing in his chest, the drip-drop morse of the sink below and his own laboured breathing. On his tongue there’s an aftertaste of something he can’t quite describe, something akin to bloodthirst.

In front of him lays no fireplace, but a cracked mirror he can hardly recognize himself in. Jaded stare, jagged-cut fringes, a bruise dressed gash on his forehead, sapped cut on his lip; he’s entirely worse for wear if nothing else. But he’s clad in an ever sanguine suit—or is it just bloodied? The shade of it so strangely received by the dull bathroom bulb light, which flickers at the soft brush of ghosts in the room; it has the colour of how black would look in luminance of a space consumed by raging flames. A moth to a flame, but Taeil thinks it beautiful all the same.

He wipes his nose once more as he begins to come to, then reflexively looks for his hand to find a gun in lieu of a fresh coat of crimson. Below him, the sink holds its next breath. It fits perfectly in the cusp of his hand, digit curled around the trigger as if at ready for something nigh. A pause for inspection concludes that it’s loaded, warm and thus recently used. What for, Taeil rummages through his mind for a distant memory of his running amok for the life of another and finds a task in the form of cheap wisdom: The only route out of agony is by putting an end to the self which exists within that moment.

Something grabs at his pant leg and peels the ground raw from underneath his soles before he can register his shot. There is no subspace nor void, yet still is he enveloped in an ear-splinting crescendo of chaos and gunfire as the world turns completely on its axis. Slams Taeil with lightning speed into an atmosphere which contrasts the last room’s abyss entirely–a broad, open classroom with the podium spotlight on him.

This threading through time shatters his nose for good, a couple of ribs taking the brunt of it as well, but Taeil stands for the attendants as though nothing had happened. As though it were but a Monday morning and normal to bring a loaded gun to class. In this cascade, his suit matches the curdled red on his upper lip and he is an unparalleled star. On fire, as if the sun itself had leapt from the cosmos and came to play. The crowd claps soundlessly for him. For blood.

Another tug on the hem of his pant leg draws his eyes southward this time, and the limp body he finds suspended under his step is his own. He stares at his battered face, the heavy flow of his unrelenting nosebleed, the same cuts and bruises shared between the both of them, yet recognizes nothing about the other but the hole in his chest, and the soon-to-be hole between his brows. You’re your own death sentence. But don’t worry, for death is only a moment.

Taeil turns to the crowd with his chin upturned towards the deities, recognizing only familiar faces that produce a vapid sort of smile onto his face he doesn’t mean. It’s almost blasphemous, if he’d known worse. His teeth are stained thick in a ghastly ruby, and gathered on his cupid’s bow is a pool of blood which spills and spills and spills over. He spreads an arm, as though in demonstration, coaxing curious gazes towards the body underneath him.

This is how you save yourself.

And with a final pull of the trigger, the void swallows him whole.

#scribed. #[ #everything is symbolic save for the most consistent thing here: the nosebleed #there's so many unfinished stuff in my drafts but glad this made it out #pats my own back because these days id rather fling myslf off a cliff than experience my own writing