#apparently fairly often

[rowenabean]

I posted 2,275 times in 2022

That's 1,822 more posts than 2021!

360 posts created (16%)

1,915 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@praise-the-lord-im-dead

@elodieunderglass

@magpie-trove

@thebirdandhersong

@lovesodeepandwideandwell

I tagged 1,463 of my posts in 2022

Only 36% of my posts had no tags

#rowena adventures - 164 posts

#art - 92 posts

#dracula daily - 47 posts

#ro writes - 41 posts

#medicine - 37 posts

#animalia - 36 posts

#!!! - 32 posts

#lotr - 26 posts

#underground places - 24 posts

#faith musings - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and i don't know it helped me to understand finally what her vision is actually like but also realise that this idea of really blind people

I sent 6 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

It's that time of the year again! And no I don't mean Halloween I mean Bird of the Year time! That time of the year when New Zealanders come together to duke it out for the role of Best Bird (te manu rongonui o te tau) and also experience voter fraud and controversy

(last year there was no voter fraud but there WAS controversy that a species of bat was a) allowed to compete and b) won. I eagerly await this year's controversy, it's sure to be good.)

This year I am supporting the tawaki/fiordland crested penguin, because Those Eyebrows. I'm pretty sure you don't have to be in NZ to vote, please join me in supporting him! (ideally in a non-fraudulent manner, but you do you)

47 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

#4

I absolutely loved Terry Pratchett's Bromeliad trilogy as a kid and it turns out it has infected me with brain worms, still can't see a roadworks sign without thinking "Road Works Ahead? Sure hope it does!" or see a shop sign without thinking about the dreaded Prices Slashed stalking the corridors

66 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

#3

There’s a GP in NZ who does these amazing embroideries representing medical conditions (also lots of uterus-related embroideries which are amazing) and please look at my favourites!

(images: the first image is an embroidery of a hand skeleton with thistles growing out of it. The second image is also embroidered showing part of a pelvis and upper femur with the interior of the femur replaced by honeycomb.)

These are rheumatoid arthritis and osteoporosis - rheumatoid arthritis is a very painful autoimmune arthritis which usually affects hand joints (as well as other joints in some people); osteoporosis is bone thinning/weakening.

I bought two of her uterus prints (menorrhagia/shark week and menstruation) for my clinic room and please check them out here!

120 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#2

One of the things I really like about Terry Pratchett is the way he talks about death? Like when I was a kid it was just a joke how Death is in every book (or close to? I’m not sure) but then I became a doctor in my mid-twenties, and was utterly caught by how close to death I walked in my day to day, and how much it was not something I could share with anyone I knew (underneath about age 70). But Terry got it. And that was when I found I pulled out the witches books - and especially Tiffany Aching, and A Hat Full of Sky - and read and reread those passages because somehow he understood what it was like to be the person standing next to the door and holding it open for someone else to pass through

171 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Mānawatia a Matariki!

Today we get a brand new public holiday in NZ which is firstly fun because mostly all our holidays are in summer, but also because it's the first holiday that celebrates specifically Māori knowledge - different regions have different stories but in many regions this is the start of the new year

This is a fantastic article about matauranga Māori/indigenous knowledge from the astronomer who has done the most for bringing it back

"From a Māori point of view, there’s no use understanding something in science unless you go on to understand how it’s connected to everything else. A piece of knowledge can be taken out and explored on its own, but, for us, it only has real purpose and meaning when it’s all stitched together in one fabric."

267 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #ok so I never showed you the photo of my uterus embroideries in my clinic room #but i've been meaning to ask if you have any suggestions for medical-themed art that's lowkey enough not to scare people away? #need more things on my clinic walls #bonus points for reo maori #kinda funny how many times more i posted this year than last #when last year was in itself a HUGE increase over 2020 #(in which i posted. like 12 times. all year.) #i've been here for 9 years but i have NOT been equally active that whole time #also i love that !!! is one of my top tags because it's not like an actual tag i use it's just a reaction i have to some things #apparently fairly often

[the-tired-commander]

i did promise cursed thoughts about sylvari this is way messier than my normal way of writing about sylvari cause its partially made up of messages i sent to a chat Also most of these thoughts are nsfw so keep that in mind (if you're in that chat, hiiii i am back on my bullshit <3)

thoughts detained under the cut where they belong

I'm starting with the least cursed and things will only get worse as it goes on

Sylvari being plants raises questions about how they experience feeling, like actual physical sensations Plants are very much aware of different temperatures and they do "feel" things in a different way to us And there are very specific areas in which plants are more sensitive to sensation For example: tree trunk, not feeling much. venus fly trap hairs? absolute sensitivity, same with the growing tips of plants such as ivy which grow way faster when they realise they're touching something So I think sylvari are sensitive but only in specific places, and they're really sensitive there It might even very depending on sylvari type, maybe leafier ones are more sensitive than bark based ones? Or at least in a broader range of places

I would also raise the question, do they have more feeling in the places they glow? Because that depends entirely on what makes them glow If its thinner areas of "skin" then i think I would be (but it could be an entirely different way of the bioluminescence showing, i'm still working on that one)

Since sylvari are plant and flower based, I am putting forward the information that very few (if any) flowers have only one stamen. Do with that information as you like :)

And the most cursed thought I had

Most plants do not bloom for the entire year. Would sylvari go into "bloom", so to speak?

Oh a bonus edited thing that maybe 2 people will get at most: Please consider xandrian/luminan junk for sylvari

#no one look at me #for someone that does write about this fairly often i do get weirdly shy sharing it jdfsdjkdf #should this be tagged mature #maybe #if anyone thinks it should be i will tag it #even though people asked for this i am too embarrassed to tag them in it dsjfsd #i sure am just yelling things about plants huh #if i don't get too embarrassed and delete this by tomorrow it will be a miracle #how the hell younger me used to write and post fic is beyond me #that dude had no fear apparently #god that reference is something i haven't engaged in in fucking years #yes i did just have that thought and edit it in #its fine #i do not remember what the fandom called them #it was one of those two names

[yandere-daydreams]

Hey where do I find my yandere girlfriend, I’m a lesbian and 20 years old. If you know someone add

Merrow#7621 on discord

do you think i'd be running this fucking blog if i knew where to find a yandere gf? no. i'd be too busy getting laid. and also murdered probably but mostly laid.

#you peeps would not believe how often i get mistaken for uhhh #one of those yandere hook-up blogs #which apparently exist #and steal my look fairly often #i don't know if they actually work but i would be curious to hear from the people who've tried them #personal #anon ask

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Okay lemme see: Dustfinger, Fiddleford (I think???), Peet/Artham. Suffering guys that you might brush off at first glance but are actually much much more

There are many more, but yes, you're correct.

I know I said I'd use pictures of Madia as a reward, but you mentioned Dustfinger so you get a picture of little kitten Dustfinger (from not long after he went to his new home, he's much bigger now).

#silliness #thanks for the ask! #this isn't a criticism btw I have so many characters I obsess over I am truly the only one who can keep track of them xD #dustfinger #he's such a happy lil guy in his new home his mama loves him #he's apparently good with all manner of creatures from other cats to dogs to smol children #... which is actually very on brand for a cat named dustfinger now that I think about it #in the books dustfinger befriends all animals and small children fairly often xD

[ailinu]

preserve us from edgelords. good lord.

#i'm not naming any system names. #to each their own and all that. i'm sure it's doing fine at what it's designed for. #(and similarly jack if you're reading this i have full faith in your ability to get this to work to your own tonal ends. #and i know we've at least partially discussed where they differ from the material presented.) #but sometimes you look at a thing. and it goes 'yeah what if your blood is living maggots' #and you sigh heavily and make jerk-off motions. say 'okay. call your mom' in the way you do if you see a real intentionally edgy metal band #you know how it is #again i'm just being a bitch on main. don't take this too seriously. #it's interesting trying to figure out the boundaries of games i'm interested in. because i know i have a fairly wide range to start with. #like to be clear i'm not against tragedy or horror! i'm not against consequences or characters dying! #but every so often i do come across something that simply falls outside what i'm interested in. #and start saying things like 'they should make twee illegal' or. you know. 'okay. call your mom.' which are on vastly different ends of thi #fun to see when that happens. #anyway if things get too edgy i reserve the right to make jerk-off motions in the background. #that's all thanks for listening. #actually wait no maybe that's not all. #if pressed i think i'm pinpointing my response here to. like. the apparent reliance on a sort of 'gross-out horror' (among other things) #which tends not to work for me in that i usually find it exhausting and at times immature. hence the 'call your mom.' #and despite the system's partial fascination with it i've not encountered it in the prospective dm's work thus far (albeit in other systems #so this'll probably work out fine. #(as always. again. full faith in you jack.) #okay. at least partially figured it out. #jerk-off motion rights still reserved though.

[fideidefenswhore]

I can’t remember where I heard this but I’ve heard some historians say that Anne wasn’t actually very politically savvy and the evidence they gave was the way she alienated people. Is this true? I mean, I know she definitely had political opinions but was she actually a good politician?

I mean, it's sort of a counterfactual, right? There's also a lot of misogyny at play here with that opinion, imho. I say this because, you know, if the judgement is that those that fall victim to political coups by reason of their downfall were never skilled politicians, then why is this primarily said of AB, but never Wolsey or Cromwell?

Also, I mean, context matters, right? Does it really matter, or speak to lack of political skill, that she 'alienated' Wolsey once Wolsey became, relatively, powerless? I suppose it does if you're of the Mantelite persuasion that Cromwell's support of AB as Queen was always superficial, some long-con of long-simmering resentment about her treatment of Wolsey. Anne also managed to win members of Wolsey's household to her side, including Richard Page, who was her ally for the rest of her tenure (her political, career...? ykwim). On the other hand, Cromwell, but there are less notable examples of this ilk, too, such as ...well, now I can't remember his name, but I cited him in another ask, I'll look for him later, but, there's another man from Wolsey's household that became Anne's ally, but later turned once she became Queen, and became a supporter of the Princess Mary (to be edited, linked here, later). So, that is to say, yes, she sometimes alienated people, even those that had previously allied themselves to her, I believe Francis Bryan is another example (I think there was some dispute with her brother between them, which couldn't have helped matters).

There's also like, this certain, how to say this...symmetry when it comes to the amount of influence someone in high title had versus the amount of people they alienated, if that makes sense? The Boleyns were hated for their rise, for many causes, among them that every favour which went to them wasn't granted towards someone else, because it was their allies and favorites that were being promoted, which fueled resentment of those that felt left in the cold. This was similar to the Woodvilles' rise and consolidation of power in the previous century. Power is not limitless power, either, so, it's not feasible to grant every favor that every potential ally asks for... yk, the example that's often cited in arguments for her lack of political savvy is the contentious relationship with one of the few Dukes in the realm, also her uncle. There is not actually an entire consensus on whether or not this relationship was that way, though? I believe Warnicke and Hoak have argued otherwise, that Chapuys sort of misunderstood their dynamic, that they were actually allies, as evidenced by her involvement in the marriage of his son to Frances de Vere, his daughter to Henry Fitzroy, that the report of the Duke being the one to report news of Henry VIII's accident to her in Jan 1536 actually denotes their confidence and even a close relationship.

Maybe there is an argument to be made that she could have been more conciliatory towards her opposition in court, and outside (her stepdaughter, and stepson, apparently Fox&Guy have recently argued), and, I mean...maybe? But also, to give favor to those opposed to reform would have alienated her allies that were reformers. There wasn't any feasible way for her to win over everyone, and there were always going to be those who were implacably opposed to her, and I believe she clocked them. I don't think it would have been 'politically savvy' to spend much of her political capital on appeasing them, if that makes sense. I think the amount which she expended (the offers to her stepdaugher, for example) was actually pretty sound.

There's also just, like, generally speaking, a misunderstanding of the sources which are cited for this argument. One example which comes to mind is the oft-cited 'petty' nature of the choice of Gertrude Courtenay as godmother to Princess Elizabeth. And like, it's not untrue that she was one of the godmothers, and it's probably not even untrue that this was a petty choice (although to claim this alone was enough to cause her enmity and later involvement in the ousting of the Boleyns from power would be...facile, at best), but she's usually the only one mentioned in pop history. Another godmother chosen was Agnes Howard (Tilney), the Dowager Duchess of Norfolk, who also carried Queen Anne's train (it was also Howards doing this, the other was Mary Howard, and Anne's final offer to her stepdaughter included the promise that she would not have to carry her train in her invitation to court), was Anne's step-grandmother and seems to have been her supporter. Margaret Bryan has been cited as another example of Anne's faux pas, petty jaundice, and further alienation of her stepdaugher's supporters, in her choice of her as governess for Princess Elizabeth's household, since she had previously been Mary's. Oft elided is that Lady Bryan was also Anne's half-aunt, and thus Elizabeth's great-aunt, and that wanting her daughter in the care of experienced and trusted relatives seems fairly reasonable and understandable.

(Yeah, there's like, much that's characterized as 'petty' and 'alienating' that was at the least Henry's choice, as well, even if it there's great likelihood it was influenced by Anne? Princess Elizabeth's household was much larger in retinue and much higher in cost than her sister's had ever been, even when in Ludlow, as part of the politics of ostentation, her train took circuitous routes to better show the pomp and proclaim her title to the people... the former, at least, could only create a larger network of patronage and loyalty, though, and the latter seems a better alternative than any degree of subtlety, which would not telegraph the upcoming Act of Parliament affirming Elizabeth heiress, so...even if the impetus for all the above was the result of the push from her mother, I mean, I don't find any of the above to 'lack' political savvy)

There's also been a misread of Henry's remark at Anne's banquet prior to her first appearance as Queen, and the deliberate invitation of the Duchess of Norfolk (COA's ally, Thomas Howard the Duke of Norfolk's wife, and Anne's inveterate enemy) there, despite knowing her distaste for her royal niece, as both barbs that alienated her even further, and maybe even led to her husband's rancor towards his niece as well (alternately, she invited her because she knew they hated each other and wanted to piss them both off, or, she was invited because she wanted to lord over her new status, as she'd done on a previous occasion, some insult paid via her aunt being either farther behind in the train than she should have been according to rank or seated in a lower-ranking place than her niece, before Anne was Queen). However, the woman invited and in attendance, who Henry loudly (and probably drunkenly) proclaimed Anne's 'fine dowry' towards, was actually again (or, previously), Agnes Howard, the Dowager Duchess of Norfolk, so this demonstrates a continuity of favor, not pettiness towards an enemy.

Anyway, that's my take. I might one day post some master-list of Boleyn alliances from the period of 1528- , because my general impression is that her network of allegiances and support has been underestimated and overshadowed by the court gossip that Chapuys has reported, which doesn't even seem to be given its due parsing as far as this claim, either (for example, it seems likeliest that the identity of the man whom Anne berated for sending Henry's linen to COA so that she could make shirts from it was actually Henry Norris, "one of the principal gentlemen of the bedchamber", given that it was the Groom of the Stool who was responsible for the King's linen and shirts, so, like...Norris might have been upset and even angry about being publically berated in that manner, but was certainly not forever alienated by it, and remained a staunch Boleyn ally for the rest of his own career, regardless...so, I don't think Anne alienated most of her supporters/friends, I think at times her temper got the best of her, but she probably usually mended fences and apologized once she cooled off, such as in the case of Bridget Wingfield).

#anon #she's often compared unfavorably to her anodyne successor and the praise she received #but yk....see symmetry paragraph #her successor didn't alienate people because she wasn't the push behind any policy #she wasn't the subject of resentment or rancor to the same degree because it was known that her influence was fairly minimal #what's another example...the percys; maybe? #but like again why is she going to expend social capital on her ex and his wife who tried to accuse her of precontract the year before she #was crowned........ #he's one of the premiere noblemen of the realm and it seems she either alienated him or his memory of her alienated him towards her #like. he's apparently very offended that she's spoken harshly to the duke of norfolk. which is odd bcus there's not much to suggest #friendship btwn them...so why does he care #he claims according to chapuys that she is going to poison her stepdaughter...... #it's hard to gauge why or how she alienated percy personally; tho? #he was in extreme debt to the point that he had to resolve it by making the king his heir #he also (altho this is less mentioned bcus it's seen as less juicy...no ex romance) is apparently very critical of the king and his policie #again according to chapuys; so venting this on anne? venting this by reason of his policy being influenced by her? #but then he is the percy that is the only one that supports the king in the pilgrimage of grace later #so like...what were the policies he was in opposition to? what was his reason to say henry's policies were so unpopular that the people wou #*would likely support an invasion? i do not know. #claiming henry also had a hand in alienating his nobility is not popular. #(the chain is actually percy's physician quoting him to chapuys so they're not the most reliable accounts... #being second-hand hearsay. as it were #there's also like. the matter of time? starkey marks anne's 'reign' as basically 1528- onwards #and the longer you're in a position of power the more people you will piss off just by like. law of averages #there's like a castles crumbling argument narrative that can be constructed #i suppose; that the pressure and the battles borne in every step she rose just made her more and more implacable and thus she alienated #more and more people....... #just by the frustration of waiting ; maybe

[sweetest-honeybee]

I got my eyes checked for the first time in like a decade and discovered today that my eyes suck at focusing properly :D

And some astigmatism but now I get to have glasses so that’s noice ��🏻👌🏻

#they’re mostly just reading glasses but depending on what I’m doing like staring at my iPad for a while he said I might hafta wear them #more often than anticipated #but we’ll see #poor Avari tho lmfao #my sister is so fucking blind #she was making fun of me because I couldn’t read certain things #and then she did it and was like ‘well shit…’ #fun fact the focus issues is apparently why everything I read looks like it’s in constant motion blur #can’t remember what uts called but basic;sky my eyes don’t center very well on stuff in front of my face #they continue to see fairly separately so everything is like #just KINDA seeing double #yeah so anyways I surprised myself today #I thought I actually had pretty good vision aside from some light sensitivity #but apparently not #anyways rambling aside #next appointment is to get my ears checked and all is fine and dandy

[quil12]

So I decided recently to read back through some of my old old fanfic from when I was in like middle school because I've been writing a lot recently and I wanted to see how much I've improved as an author - and let me tell you, I have improved a lot.

I wanted to share some excerpts from my fics over the years, comparing the same thing - kissing (because that's something I've been doing since my very first fic).

I want to share it because I feel like a lot of people fall into a trap of thinking that their writing isn't good enough, and I want to show that it gets better the more you work at it. I don't think that I'm an amazing author by any means, but the amount of growth I've had feels like a lot.

This first one is from my first ever fic. I was 13 when I wrote this and the fandom is Naruto with the pairing being NaruHina (Naruto x Hinata)

The next one is from when I was 15. The fandom was Hetalia with the pairing being Sufin (Sweden/Finland)(using their human names in this case)

Then, there's a pretty big time skip because, while I was still writing fics on and off through high school, none of them were ship-centric, so, this next one is from this year when I was 21 when I got back into fic writing near the end of college. The fandom is Persona 4 with the pairing being Souyo (Souji/Yosuke or Yu/Yosuke)

Then, we have one from this month, after about 5 months of very consistent writing. This is about the level that I am currently at 22. It's still Persona 4 and Souyo

Basically, I just think that it's really cool to compare these things. If your writing looks like how mine did when I was 13, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! You will definitely get better and better as you keep writing, so keep it up!

The cool thing is also that while reading over the last one, even now, just a few weeks out, I can see little things that I would want to change - you are literally always learning while you write.

#fanfiction #writing #my writing #part of me kind of loves the one i wrote at 13 #i was like #'a kiss! on the lips!' #apparently that was scandalous to me at 13 #a big one that ive learned fairly recently is not using so many filter words #especially the word 'feel' or 'felt' #i used that so often #and i still sometimes use it #just not like 40 times in one fic #im also currently learning the difference between 'on to' and 'onto' #didn't even quite realize there was a difference until like a month ago #basically #youre always learning lol #i am quil12 on ao3 (and also ff.net if you want to see my old old stuff)

[paragonrobits]

some important calvin and hobbes facts in case you haven't read the original comic strip in a long time or only absorbed stuff on it from memes and out of context bits on here:

Calvin's last name has never been given, and neither has any of his parent's names. This was actually why his uncle Max only showed up for a brief storyline; the creator of the comic, Bill Watterson, ultimately felt that while it was fine to have him as someone for his parents to talk to, it felt far too awkward to never have Max refer to them by name and he never made a return appearance.

The general tone of the comic is fairly light-hearted, with a big emphasis on goofy slapstick comedy contrasted by clever wordplay and often surprising adult-centered jokes that'll hit you like a slap. A big part of the comedy is, as Watterson put it (paraphrased) "It's really funny to me when people express deeply stupid ideas with really fancy terminology." One notable example you might have seen is that one bit where Calvin asks his mom for money to buy a Satan-worshiping rock album and his mom replies that there's nothing genuine about them and they're just putting on the attitude for shock value, and comisserates with Calvin as he deplores that mainstream nihilism can't be trusted. He concludes that childhood is disillusioning.

There is a LOT of criticism of the extreme materialism and selfish mentality of the late 80s, when the comic was initially written. This may go a long way to explain how its aged so well; much of what it criticizes resonates well with people today.

Bill Watterson views comic strips a legitimate form of artwork, and repeatedly fought to have more space to draw more beautiful and artistic backgrounds, which was a very hard fight and unpopular even with other comic strip artists. He eventually did win some compromises and a lot of Calvin And Hobbes' artwork shows it, with the use of space to indicate time as well as a sharp contrast between the often plain environments of mundane life contrasted by the wildly beautiful imagery of Calvin's imagination (which often sports realistic depictions in an art shift of sorts).

Hobbes is explicitly not an imaginary friend, by word of Watterson himself. We don't know WHAT he is exactly, and Hobbes is apparently unaware of the strange nature of his reality; people look at him and only see an ordinary stuffed tiger plushie, but he has a tangible effect on the world that would be physically impossible for Calvin to do on his own. He's apparently been around for a while, and was apparently around when Calvin was a young baby.

On that note; Hobbes has implicitly killed (notably treated as both a gag and also with the vibe of 'he's a tiger, duh') and while he doesn't do it again on-screen, he doesn't have any moral issues about it. Calvin claims that he's never had trouble bringing Hobbes to school because the last time he did, Hobbes killed and ate a bully named Tommy Chestnut and simply comments that it was gross and he needed a bath. Calvin's tried to repeat this again, but Hobbes was grossed out at the thought having to eat a kid raw and not being allowed to use an oven first, or complaining that children are too fattening.

Hobbes became gradually less human-like in body language and more like an actual cat in both body language and behavior; this was due to Watterson drawing more inspiration from his cat, who also inspired a lot of Hobbes' running gags, such as pouncing on Calvin when he got home. Several years into the syndication of the strip, Watterson's cat passed away, and he did a tribute to her with a comic strip of the two of them agreeing to try to dream together so they can keep playing when they have to sleep; Watterson's commentary (if I recall right), remarks on his cat: "We can see each other again in dreams."

#calvin and hobbes #queued

[i-earned-my-stripes]

I adore my job, no matter how....gross and needlessly sharing my kids can be, but in the spirit of Valentine's day (happy Valentine's day BTW, all my kiddos were wearing pink and red, IT WAS SO CUTE!!!!) here is a noncomprehensive list of the terms of endearment I use with my kids.

My Friend

Kiddo

Darling

Love

Lovie

Lovely

Sweetie

Sweetheart

Sweets

Sugarpop

Girlie

Girliepop

Little dude

Bud

Buddy

Sure, that's only fifteen terms, but that's just the ones I can remember because they are the ones that come out most frequently. It is literally growing every single day. And I mean. Every. Single. Day. I just open my mouth when I go to address the kids, and see what comes out of my mouth. No forethought. Just... words.

#im fairly certain ive called kids things like stinky butt #and silly #but there are so many different words that just come out of my mouth #that i genuinely cant remember anything but the most common ones #all i know is #my little darlings #apparently #have 100% trust in me #for everything #and they just get this giant smile on there face everytime i am able to give them one on one attention #which isnt often #as its hard to give one on one attention when the kids out number me 5 to 1 #but i do the best i can #and it melts my heart everytime one of them just #runs over to give me a hug #and nuzzles themself into me #it leaves me at a loss for words the amount of unwavering trust these kids have in me #i truly love my job #so so so much #i cant wait to see what else happens with them #wish me luck with my #misadventures in daycaring #toddlers #daycare teacher #toddler teacher

[corpsecxnt]

uh oh I recalled a bad, oopsie

#so there is actually a reason i literally h a t e facial hair apparently #which makes sense bc I actually find it attractive fairly often! Until I think abt it. then no. NO.

[omegapheromone]

It's been a rough week because so much bad stuff has been happening and im in 'heat' and feeling extra vulnerable and conflicted and just. I crave companionship and cuddles at the very least. I wanna cuddle someone with a nice scent... It'd be nice to have that scent just surround me so it feels like im submerged in it... in like a soothing and comforting and protective way aaaaa 🥺

#i wouldn't say no to the more nsft things either because my body has no chill #but above anything else I really just want to be held and comforted and just not feel like I'm all alone with everything #I've cried more this last week alone than I usually cry in five years total... #mostly because I don't cry very often in general but this last week has just been a sucker punch after sucker punch #and I want comfort and safety and company and just. i don't wanna be so alone and fragile and im starting to tear up again apparently #im just so sensitive and vulnerable and fragile and dealing with everything all alone is overwhelming #i dont wanna be alone right now... normally im fairly independent but now I'm just a clingy emotional mess #waaaaaah I don't wanna cry again. gamie stop. stop ittt. get a grip gamie youre a mess #gamietxt #heat 🌡

[oldbookist]

I was working on a history paper today and found a book from 1826 that seemed promising (though dull) for my topic, on an English Catholic family’s experience moving to France.

And it ended up not really being suitable for my purposes, as it goes. But part of the book is actually devoted to Kenelm, the author’s oldest son…and man, his dad loved him.

Kenelm seems to have had a fairly typical upbringing for a young English gentleman, although he is a bit slow to read. At twelve he’s sent to board at Stoneyhurst College—often the big step towards independence in a boy’s life, as he’ll most likely only see his parents sporadically from now on, and then leave for university.

When he’s sixteen, however, his father moves the whole family to France, so Kenelm gets pulled out of school to be with them again. Shortly after the move, his dad notices that he seems depressed. Kenelm confides in him that he’s been suffering from “scruples” for the last eighteen months—most likely what we’d now call an anxiety disorder.

And his dad is pissed—at the school, because apparently Kenelm had been seeking help there and received none, despite obviously struggling with mental health issues. So his dad takes it seriously. He sets him up to be counseled by a priest—there were no therapists back then—and doesn’t send him away to be boarded again, instead teaching him at home himself.

And his mental health does improve. His dad describes him as well-liked, gentle, pious, kind and eager to please others; at twenty he’s thinking about a career in diplomacy or going into the military—which his dad thinks he is not particularly suited for, considering his favorite pastimes are drawing and reading. He’s excited about his family’s upcoming move to Italy, and he’s been busy learning Italian and teaching it to his siblings.

Henry Kenelm Beste dies of typhus at twenty years, four months, and twenty-five days. That’s how his dad records it. That’s why his dad is telling this story. It’s not an extraordinary story—Kenelm’s story struck me because he sounds so…ordinary, like so many kids today. And he was so, so loved. His dad tried hard to help him compassionately with his mental health at a time where our current knowledge and support systems didn’t exist. You can feel how badly he wanted his son to be remembered and loved, to impress how dearly beloved he was to the people who knew him in life.

I hope he’d be glad to know someone is still thinking of Kenelm over 200 years later.

Anyway, that’s why I’m crying today.

#history

[sxcret-garden]

NCT Dream getting pussy drunk [M]

ღ NCT Dream all members x fem-bodied!reader ღ genre: smut reaction ღ warnings: none

Author’s note: idk, i just had this idea last night and it had to get out askldöfjkdas

Mark:

doesn't get pussy drunk all the time, but when he does, it happens quickly

it's more likely when he's actually drunk

like that one time you're sitting on his face, your front facing his body, and the second he dips his tongue into you you can see the bulge in his pants growing

a few more licks and this guy is almost fully hard, that's how much it affects him sometimes

has his hands all over you as far as he can reach - like he just got that much more needy

hums at your taste and could cum from that alone, while he's desperate to figure out where to best hold onto you

has you falling apart on top of him eventually, and will get even more eager with his face still burried in your pussy if you start getting him off too

he's whining at all the sensations coursing through his body now, and you bet this guy is gonna cum within a minute

but even then he still needs to taste you, so you can be sure he won't be satisfied until he's made you cum a few more times

Renjun:

doesn't get pussy drunk easily, so when it happens for the first time he's so embarrassed afterwards???

like he does not know how to process the way he acted when he felt this carnal need to taste you more overtake him and cloud his mind

does everything in his might for just one more lick, and if you're feeling playful this might just be the best chance you could get to make him beg

he seems like a completely different person all of a sudden, grabbing onto you desperately and wanting nothing more than to bury his head between your legs

pure ecstasy running through his veins when he feels you clench around his tongue, almost crushing him in between your thighs when your high crashes down on you

he can't think straight at this point, all he knows is he needs more, and he needs it now

Jeno:

he just will not let you go when he gets pussy drunk, whether you're lying beneath him or are on top of him, riding his face

this guy holds you close with all his strength because he might just get addicted to the way it feels when you cum on his tongue

and maybe you should be grateful at this point that he doesn't get pussy drunk all that often, because you're in for an intense ride

loves the power he has over you when he overstimulates you, and will only give you space to breathe when it's apparent it's getting too much for you to handle

otherwise he'll just keep going, his tongue greedily fucking one orgasm after the other out of you until you're nothing but a whiny, shaking mess

though once it dawns on him what kind of state he just put you in, he'll suddenly become very soft, and he'll make sure to give you all the aftercare you could ever want

Haechan:

gets pussy drunk so easily, it happens almost every time he eats you out

like this guy just can't get enough of you, and there's just something about him having his face buried between your legs and your taste on his tongue that drives him crazy instantly

but most of the time he won't make sure you can't escape him, he might whine a little, but otherwise he'll just hope you'll let him have his fun for as long as possible

really he just wants to please you, and your taste drives him insane - he's way too in the moment to think about what may or may not happen even a second from now

and it just makes him soooo horny too

if you let him he will certainly start touching himself too while eating you out, but he won't permit himself to cum before you aren't 110% satisfied first

Jaemin:

I'm convinced this guy gets drunk on you in general, so imagine what it'd be like if he's pussy drunk on top of that

this is definitely gonna trigger both a very caring and a very possessive side of him so you're in for a ride...

gets pussy drunk fairly often though, so he's learned to keep himself in check most of the time

intense eye contact as he eats you out, his hands on your hips to keep you in place

he takes pride in knowing he can drive you crazy with just his tongue, though he will eventually add his fingers too to get you from one orgasm to the other

so soft when he lets you rest in between, asking if you're okay and if you want more (no matter how much he needs to taste you more, he won't rush into more than you can handle)

and then when you give him the okay he's eating you out like there's no tomorrow

starts slow and builds up his pace just right, because this guy has spent countless nights studying your reactions to everything he does to you to make sure he makes you feel as good as he possibly can

Chenle:

doesn't get pussy drunk all that often actually

but when it happens you will know

strikes me as the type who has fun teasing you and getting a little rough with you, so usually he'll make sure to keep you in place as he gives you the bare minimum just so he can get the gratification of hearing you beg for him

so when he suddenly goes super soft after finally letting you cum on his tongue you don't know what's going on for a second???

until you see the look on his face and hear him asking you if you want more in the most caring tone ever

it's clear a switch inside him flicked, and now all he wants to do is please you and take care of you, all thoughts of teasing you long gone

that doesn't mean he won't have you seeing stars in no time - he still knows what he's doing and he's doing it well

it's just that instead of being a little shit, he'll simply continue eating you out until you're a shaking mess underneath him, however long it'll take him

Jisung:

gets pussy drunk so quickly, he won't even know that he is when it first happens??

all he knows is that you taste so so good and he could spend forever eating you out and-

it'll dawn on him only wayyy later what just happened, unless you point it out to him

will simply keep going when he's reached that state, following only his urge to taste you more

is gonna make you cum on his tongue and then immediately continue - only when you start squirming and whining from the overstimulation does he stop for a moment

checks in on you, and when you tell him to slow down, he's trying, he's really trying, but you just taste so good, how could he not become a little greedy?

only when you suggest riding his face instead, so you could control the pace better, does the overstimulation fade into pure bliss

and this guy here too couldn't be happier, like he's just in heaven the entire time, wanting nothing more than to eat you out forever

#nct dream smut #nct dream reactions #nct smut #nct reactions #mark smut #renjun smut #jeno smut #haechan smut #jaemin smut #chenle smut #jisung smut #nct dream x reader #nct dream imagines #smut #reaction

[beaversatemygrandma]

I need to remember to tell my dad this, bc he did tell me to tell him if i see any weird shadow people in the house (I may need to find a D battery to stick into the monoxide detector tbh)

But the other night, I’m basically seconds away from deep sleep, then suddenly, i got that falling feeling like it was happening but suddenly, I was wide awake. I felt the house shake as if somebody was running down the hallway. It’s 2am. My sister should be asleep and she’d be sneaking around if she were going to the kitchen, not RUNNING. My heart skips a beat. I looked up to see this black human shape standing right above my bed, my heart started racing. Keep in mind, my sleep paralysis involves floating up to the ceiling and bad anxiety. Not seeing the shadow demons. So, this was weird. I stare at it for a moment and then close my eyes like ‘it’s my fucking hoodie.’ I open my eyes again and look towards the hoodies hanging on the back of my door, none of them make the shape that i saw just moments before. It had been closer to my bed. I felt like i was being stared at. I didn’t feel alone.

But then, i just rolled over and passed right out. So. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#taks speaks #my dad says the trailer park is haunted #i didn't think so #i may be somewhat slightly more convinced now #its weird. im not somebody who really believes in ghosts but i LOVE ghost hunting shows #and then that one weird thing where i spent a weird amount of time in an old cemetery somewhere in the appalachias #and that weird connection i had to one grave of a 13yo boy who died in the 1800s #it may have been bc i was 9 and alone but i sure did talk to that kid a lot back then #but uh. that is understandable. civil war era graveyard. yeah. #but urban trailer park?? #i mean this is an old ass city and i wouldn't doubt there's some disrespected dead out here #bc there's an old slave cemetery down the road from god knows how long ago that gets damaged fairly often #the damn local urban kids apparently #and it's set between train tracks and an active road and most likely not all that were buried there #like. it's just a small grassy median with headstones. there's no way in hell that's all thats there. i bet some were just paved over #like there's potential here #idk. my dad says we've got ghosts.

[emma-needs-attention]

I don’t shave every day. It’s not that I don’t “need” to; I have very dark, dense facial hair that grows quickly and remains pretty visible after shaving. When I do shave, I don’t try to cover it with makeup (beyond some powder to reduce redness). In most other ways I present very feminine, but I always have fairly obvious facial hair.

And it makes me feel terrible.

I started electrolysis a couple months ago. It’s excruciatingly painful, expensive, and it takes forever. In an hour-long session, my electrologist is able to remove hair in only a small region (about 1 square inch). A few weeks later, much of that hair comes back. I am told that it will take two to three years of regular treatments to remove it entirely. On top of that, I apparently have a condition called Post Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation, which causes the skin in affected areas to darken after treatment. For nearly two months after completing a single pass over my upper lip, my mustache was more visible than it had ever been, despite having significantly less hair.

And it made me feel terrible.

I know this is the best way for me to permanently remove my facial hair, but I just canceled all of my upcoming sessions and at the moment I have no plans to begin again.

If I could pay to have my facial hair instantly and completely removed I would empty my savings account. I am intensely aware of it any time I go out in public. If it makes me so uncomfortable, why do I not do more to hide it?

I feel incredibly privileged for a trans woman. I have a loving, supportive family. I have a well-paying job. I live in a very accepting area. I have never had a single person say anything negative to me about my gender identity, which was certainly not what I was expecting when I came out. It is important to me that I be visibly queer, and in my privileged position I am able to do that without fear. A year ago I didn’t think I would ever transition; now I want people to know that I’m trans.

I am disappointed with myself for wanting to remove my facial hair, for changing my voice. I am determined not to have to do more work than a cis person does. Cis women don’t have to shave their face every day. Cis men don’t have to shave their face every day. Why should I? This is who I am, what my body does. Shouldn’t I be proud of that? Am I not supposed to love myself the way I am?

But by that logic, why am I even transitioning in the first place?

I am doing more work than a cis person does. Cis people don’t transition, and transitioning takes effort. I know that there are cis people, both men and women, who do shave every day. Am I lying to myself? I’m a trans woman; aren’t I supposed to want to get rid of my facial hair? Shouldn’t I be trying harder? Doesn’t this give me dysphoria? Am I pretending not to have dysphoria so I don’t have to put in the effort? Does the fact that I’m not trying harder make me… I don’t know, less trans? Non-binary? Is it ok for me to call myself a trans woman? Am I lying to myself?

As a woman who was a man until thirty, there are things about my body that I must accept, that I won’t be able to change no matter how much money I dump into my transition. I’m tall, I have broad shoulders, I have large hands. No amount of surgery or hormones will change these things.

But there are many things that I can change, and while none of them are requirements for being a woman, they may still be changes that I want to make. Where do I stop? Am I finished transitioning when I’ve done everything that is physically possible? My goal isn’t to “pass,” at least not in the way that word is generally used. In a time when cis women are being assaulted because people think they’re trans—because they don’t “pass” as women—the idea of what it means to pass becomes blurry. Often when we say that we want to pass, what we really mean is that we want to be conventionally beautiful.

I am a woman. Therefore, I look like a woman. My transition goal is to pass as myself. I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out who I am so I can look like her. I don’t care whether people see me and think “that’s a woman.” I want to be able to look in the mirror and think “that’s me.” But it can be extremely difficult to separate your own image of yourself from society’s idea of what you should look like. Am I self-conscious about the size of my body because it doesn’t feel like me, or because I’ve been told that women should be smaller? There are tall cis women, there are broad-shouldered cis women, there are cis women with large hands. Those traits don’t make them less womanly.

For the aspects of my body that I do have control over, I am stuck wondering whether I am changing things to become myself, or changing them because I have internalized that the way I am is wrong. At the moment, facial feminization surgery is something that I think I might like to do. But how do I know that I want to do it for the right reasons? I don’t hate my face, but when I catch a glimpse of myself from certain angles I can’t help but think that it isn’t feminine enough. What I should be asking is if it’s Emma enough, but how can I know that? How do I know who I’m supposed to be?

I feel like I was supposed to be a cis woman, but… why? Who am I to say that I wasn’t supposed to be trans? That I wasn’t supposed to transition at thirty, to have both a male puberty and a female one? Being trans has made me more self-aware, more open-minded, more empathetic. The totality of my experience is what makes me who I am. Maybe there’s a world in which I was assigned female, maybe there’s a world in which I was put on puberty blockers as a kid. But the girl in those worlds isn’t me.

Loving yourself and wanting to change are two feelings that can coexist. I tend to think of body positivity as simply accepting yourself as you are, but it is more nuanced than that. As a trans person, who I am inside is not the same as who I am outside. Which one am I supposed to love? I do love myself, but I also love who I could be. I’m transitioning so that someday they’ll be the same person.

Over the past year I have become both my biggest supporter and my biggest critic. I constantly tell myself how pretty I am, how brave I am, how fucking cool I am (hey, nobody else is saying it and it’s true). This forced positivity has been fantastic for me. I can confidently say that I truly love myself for the first time in my life. But I sometimes feel guilty that I don’t love myself more.

I can’t help but stare at myself in the mirror all the time now. I actually bought a new mirror so I didn’t have to walk as far to do so. I’ve taken more selfies than I did in my entire pre-transition life. After many months on HRT, I finally see myself in my reflection. But my eyes refuse to focus on my stubble. Sometimes I catch myself thinking “I’m going be so beautiful once I get rid of this facial hair,” and it feels like a betrayal. Fuck you Emma, I’m already gorgeous.

#trans #transfem #transgender #lgbtq #comics #essay #art #cw dysphoria