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bonefall · 3 months

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Looking for advice since you're great with stuff like this: I'm struggling with how to have a character fundamentally change. A character in my cat story loses his memory and ends up working with the main characters to stop his own plan he made to destroy the world (and after the plan is stopped, he regains his memories). I want his time in the Starless to change him, make him less obsessed with power, but I'm really starting to struggle with whether or not that makes sense and how to work that.

Hmm.. well, first bit of advice I always give is that characters are not people. They are writing tools. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be "realistic" or that connecting to the human traits in the audience isn't important.

It means that a character exists to tell a story.

By "tool" I mean "machine." Every trait is a piston, and ideally they work together to drive your story along. What are you saying with each trait? What is your beginning point for the story, and their end? What do you want to explore? What do you want the audience to take away?

So if you feel stuck on a character, find the larger message you want to impart with them. The job they're doing in your narrative.

What do you want to say about power?

What do you want to say about why Character X wanted to destroy the world? Why was he wrong? What feelings and information lead him to that conclusion?

What is his redemption arc doing for your themes?

Every writer answers those questions differently. For example, I feel strongly that power doesn't corrupt, it reveals. When you finally have the influence to make others do what you want, you make them do it. I don't see "power" as being like... a magic, abstract thing, it's influence over other people, and those people are ALSO individuals with their own reasons for following the leader.

Digressing; what I'm getting at is that, as a writer, I have a lot of thoughts on power itself. I got this way with a lot of reading and interest on the topic. You might find it insightful to experience more art, essays, and commentary on the subject, if you ever get stuck, and develop an opinion you feel strongly about.

Not just about power, as broad writing advice.

Anyway.

If I was writing the character, these are the things I'd be thinking about specifically and changes I'd be making on personal taste. I don't know your full story enough so, hopefully it's insightful;

First of all I'm always SUPER wary of the "correct but demonized radical" trope. Does my villain have a point?

Am i just giving them a Kick-a-Baby scene to make them wrong when they should be completely right otherwise

What are my themes and tone? This is VERY important. Steven Universe is about family and emotions with low stakes violence; the Diamonds are essentially abusive grandparents that Steven is coaching through intergenerational trauma. They fit the universe they're in. Jack Horner does not belong in SU.

So I'd look at Character X's purpose.

Knowing me, I'd actually take out full amnesia entirely. I have memory problems related to trauma so I'm a lot more familiar with major, important details blotting out RIGHT when I need them. Enough that I can put myself in the shoes of someone like BB!Fallenleaf who remembers a lot but the details are fuzzy.

So personally I think I could write this villan to be VERY funny lmao

"Hello. I am Gnagnathor the Destroyer."

"No you're not. He has three horns. You have two."

(DID I USED TO HAVE THREE HORNS?????)

I also just find it more resonant when a character still remembers what they did, why they did it, and is able to refute themselves with their own growth.

To me like... when a character remembers NOTHING to the point where they're not informed by their actions or history at all, how are they really still the same person?

in general though I find total amnesia uninteresting. I wish it was less popular.

What did Gnagnathor DO with his power? What did he WANT from it?

The simplest version of this I know is "Gnag was hurting and wanted everyone else to hurt too. Now that he has a happy place, he doesn't want that."

TO BE CLEAR THATS FINE. That's a REALLY common power fantasy and it's not automatically a bad story. It's popular for a reason.

Personally I feel strongly about the idea, though, that people with power don't change unless they lose it. There's no reason to.

People don't change until you break the environment that contributes to the behavior.

Especially with victims unfortunately-- the ugly truth is that a lot of problematic behaviors exist because they protected the victim from their abuser's actions. You need safety to really start to unpack that.

You can personally identify it and address it as much as you want, when your abuser starts to use That Tone you will still seize up. Just try to yank yourself back into your head when you're disassociating during a screaming session; your reward is raw distress.

That said, not all villains HAVE to have tragic motivators like that, or be ex-victims at all. Leveraging power to get what you want can be as ugly as just being taught the people you're hurting are subhuman.

Or making up justifications for why This Is a Good Thing Actually.

Some people will lash out violently when these justifications fall apart, because accepting it would mean they're Being Bad

Most people have an innate desire to Be Good. Like... the vast, vast majority of people. Some sense of morality is observable in all intelligent social animals; dolphins, chimps, elephants.

Tangentially, if you understand that people don't WANT to be bad and that the natural response to a scolding is defensiveness, you understand that convincing people of something is a LOT easier when you approach with kindness.

AND IN TURN: be wary of those who are flattering while trying to convince you of something. This is Manipulation 101.

So back to Gnagnathor

Do I want to talk about environment and how it changes him to be away from power? How traits that previously earned him wealth or influence are suddenly incredibly taboo, so he can't use them here?

On that-- HOW did he get his power in the first place? Re: I'm very wary of the "correct but demonized radical" trope.

Were his minions following him because they have serious issues and he exploited their desperation? .....are you centering the experience of the poor, sad abuser over his victims

Or are they ALL united over something important and legitimate? With the redemption of their villainous leader, how are you planning for that to frame all of their former followers?

(This is why redeeming minions is usually a lot more productive than doing it to the leader, imo. Redeeming Zuko means you can explore the familial legacy, the indoctrination of the Fire Nation's children, their justifications, the way systems make monsters out of people. Redeeming The Firelord would probably have caused Azula, one of his victims, to pick up his slack and now, suddenly, you have a VERY uncomfortable situation where Ozai is thrashing one of his abused children but Good This Time.)

(Not to mention that, again... why would he do this. He has power. He's doing what he wants and is used to this situation. It would be a numbskulled narrative choice.)

Aaaand that's about all I can say without essentially being a cowriter or editor. It's on you to figure out what you're trying to do and say here. I'm a good writer on this subject because I think about it a lot, which has lead to my strong opinions and point of view. Your art is a reflection of you.

#This is mega off topic but the question kinda reminds me of hazbin which I watched a couple days ago #I'm starting to identify why I was dissatisfied with it I think #I didn't dislike it though and I'm waiting for the next season #If only as something I enjoyed but wish could be better.#Bones gives advice

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hopefulobjectmiracle · 3 years

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A quick analysis of the puppy scene in 3x15, because my OTP is perfect.

This is honestly just a whole lot of gushing and flailing, tbh. Because Kurt and Blaine and their relationship are wonderful and I love them so, so much. So much so that I can write paragraphs on a scene that is barely one minute long.

This somehow ended up being much longer than I intended, oops. Hope you enjoy it :)

We start off this scene with Blaine alone at his locker, presumably putting away his belongings from his last class, and you can still see Kurt’s ‘Gay-diddy-gay-gay-gay’ class council election poster on the inside of Blaine’s locker, even months after Kurt lost the election. But Blaine still keeps it up, because he loves Kurt, and if he had it his way, Kurt would win everything. Awww. He appears to be deep in thought, and when Kurt hides behind Blaine’s locker, speaking in the world’s most adorably terrible British accent, it startles Blaine for a second.

And man, does that make me sad. This is a kid that has been bullied, undoubtedly shoved into lockers and pushed here and there just like Kurt was. He hears an unfamiliar voice and immediately flinches back in fear, expecting the worst.

But it isn’t the worst - it’s the best. Because it’s Kurt, the person Blaine loves more than anything, hiding behind the locker, and it’s Kurt speaking in that cute-ass accent holding a stuffed puppy in front of his face.

(Side note - I once read that Chris Colfer improvised the dialogue and accent of this scene, as well as coming up with the name for the puppy, which totally checks out since Chris is a huge Anglophile.)

And as soon as Blaine recognizes his boyfriend, his face breaks out into the sunniest smile, and he does his signature “Kurt-made-me-laugh” move, the blushy head-duck (see here for reference).

Kurt also looks similarly delighted to see Blaine, because Blaine is lovely and Kurt loves him so, so much, and because he’s also excited to show Blaine the gift he got him and help Blaine out with his problems. Kurt really loves Blaine, y’all. He looks so damn proud of the stuffed animal he got for him and equally proud of his own ability to make Blaine laugh with his clever puns.

Kurt goes on to explain that Finn won the stuffed puppy while out at the amusement park for Senior Skip Day, along with thirteen others for Rachel, and as soon as he says this, Blaine nods along as if to say - oh, of course, that Rachel - because Blaine is considerate as hell and knows his friends very well. And in honest-to-god Kurt fashion, bb stole the puppy from his brother, because Kurt is the definition of Be Gay, Do Crime, and he also recognizes that Rachel does not need 14 different stuffed animals.

He pouts a little right then, telling Blaine that he wanted to give it to him so that Blaine would have something, since Kurt wasn’t able to convince Blaine to go with them on the field trip. I wonder how that conversation went.

Also, pouty Kurt is fucking adorable. Protect him at all costs.

Blaine is melancholy again, telling Kurt that he would have just brought the mood down for the group. And when Blaine says this? Kurt stops beating around the bush and gets straight to the point.

Sweetly stroking the stuffed puppy, Kurt tells Blaine that he understands him. That he gets that family problems are hard, because they’re hard for him too. He uses himself as an example to try and get his point across to Blaine more effectively, and mentions that he and Finn disagree on nearly everything, but at the end of the day, they love one another and are always there for one another despite their differences.

I’m also getting so many brotherly Furt feelings from Kurt referring to Finn as “the big lug” and talking about how much he loves him. Ugh. I also cry at the line where Kurt tells Blaine that he only has one brother and shouldn’t give up on that, given what happens to Finn. I wish we’d gotten more of that relationship in canon before Cory’s untimely passing, because they clearly had so much love for one another, both on-screen and off.

Anyway, Kurt sees the love he has with his brother and wants Blaine to be able to experience the same thing, because he loves Blaine so, so much and he thinks that Blaine deserves everything great in this world. He also brings back the cute-ass accent, and upon seeing Blaine look upset, bumps Margaret Thatcher Dog against Blaine’s cheek to get him to smile again - which Blaine absolutely does; his face is bright and sunny again because of Kurt’s silliness. Awww.

Kurt tells Blaine never to give up, and Blaine indignantly responds that Cooper is the one who is leaving for a big audition. Kurt pauses, and tells Blaine that Cooper hasn’t actually left him yet. He says that Cooper is waiting in the auditorium, hoping that Blaine will come and talk to him and make things right. This line very strongly implies that Kurt and Cooper coordinated this, and that Kurt made an effort of talking to Cooper to try and arrange a meeting with Blaine - because in a matter of mere days, Kurt was able to glean how important their relationship was to Blaine and wanted to do everything he could to fix it. Give him all the boyfriend awards, folks.

I’m kidding. Please don’t start the Better Boyfriend Olympics again, lol.

Blaine huffs out that talking doesn’t actually work with Cooper, and that he’s tried it to no avail. And Kurt just nods knowingly, as if he was aware that Blaine would say that. And though it isn’t explicitly mentioned, I bet he did know. He then goes on to say that perhaps talking isn’t the best answer for Blaine. Maybe there’s something else, a better method of communicating his feelings that would work more for Blaine.

Okay. You know what this reminds me of? Flash back a year, to Silly Love Songs. This is (perhaps unintentionally) a direct callback to 2x12. Back when Blaine was still crushing on someone who is not Kurt, he said this to the Warblers about his idea to serenade Jeremiah.

Blaine (2011): I'm not really good at talking about my feelings. I'm much better at singing them.

And here are Kurt’s words, from more than a year later.

Kurt (2012): Maybe talking is not the answer. Maybe you need to show him how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how.

Can I just stop right here and squeal a little bit? Because Kurt knows his boyfriend so, so well. He remembers the things that Blaine tells him, even things from over a year ago. He holds onto this key piece of information about Blaine, because Blaine is important to him and the things he tells Kurt are worth remembering. And here, in this scene, he puts his memory to good use to try and remind Blaine of his most effective and heartfelt form of communication so that he can help Blaine mend fences with his brother.

GIVE HIM THE BOYFRIEND AWARDS, FOLKS!

Kurt is so, supportive of Blaine and just wants the best for him, and it just boggles my mind when people claim that Kurt didn’t love Blaine as much as Blaine loved him, because from even short simple scenes like this one, anyone can tell that it isn’t true.

After listening to Kurt, Blaine stops, and for the first time, genuinely considers it. Prior to this, all of Cooper’s attempts at talking couldn’t get through to him. Blaine still felt the jealousy and resentment from all those years growing up. But after hearing Kurt’s advice, he puts that aside and realizes that some things, like family, are more important, and so he makes that decision to go see his brother and try and express his feelings in a different way.

Blaine turns to go meet Cooper, and Kurt watches him go, looking so damn proud of his boyfriend and so, so hopeful...

Y’all know what happens next. Blaine and Cooper, a pair of brothers, sing a breakup song. Yet somehow, it works. Singing manages to communicate all of those emotions that were suppressed before, and opens the doors for real conversation between the two of them. They do successfully patch things up, with Cooper finally recognizing Blaine’s talent and Blaine trying to support Cooper in future endeavors. They are on a path to a close relationship, which is all both of them had ever really wanted in the first place.

And if not for Kurt’s advice, this may not have happened. Y’all heard that right - Kurt Hummel helped Blaine patch things up with a member of his family because he knew how important it was to Blaine, and he knew how badly Blaine wanted this even if Blaine didn’t let it show. From all the bits and pieces of information we’ve gathered over the years about Blaine’s family, they don’t appear to be all that close, which is why it’s even more important for Blaine that he is able to reconcile with his brother.

(For more of my thoughts on Blaine’s family, feel free to check out this analysis of mine. Yeah, this is a shameless self promo. Deal with it.)

So...what was the point of this analysis? I’m not quite sure. I suppose I just had a lot of feelings about Blaine, Klaine, family, and the way that Kurt shows love. Like I’ve said millions of times, just because Kurt is more subtle in the way that he shows love to Blaine, doesn’t mean that it’s any less powerful. Scenes like this, in which he handpicks Blaine’s own words and uses them to push Blaine towards something he was too afraid to admit he really wanted? Kurt helping reconcile Blaine with his family? This is Klaine at its best, and scenes like this are why I will always, always ship this couple.

Kurt and Blaine are incredible, y’all.

Peace.

#idiots think blaine loved kurt more than kurt loved him #klaine #klaine meta #glee 3.15 #blaine anderson #kurt hummel #cooper anderson

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mallowstep · 3 years

Text

daisy in “ashes”

or, nonspecifically, what are cats like goldenflower, ferncloud, and daisy getting up to, anyway?

this is tied to my thoughts on medicinery, so if you’re not caught up, a summary: med cats now only spend about 50% of their time doing “medicine” and it’s more osteopathic than in the books.

[1.7k words, 6 minute read]

daisy's kin (i just finished it)

so i just finished daisy's kin and 😗👌 am i happy with it.

i've always been exploring this, like, i'm lowkey obsessed with developing the role of the nursery queen, and...i don't know what i expected, but this was nice to read.

it was good both that thunderclan valued her and hnnng it was so good.

obsessed, i'm obsessed.

but curiously enough, i'm going to refrain from focusing (too much) on the story part of it. i just, this quote stands in my mind

That is important work.

snow, in response to daisy telling her about her role in thunderclan.

like, (a) it is, and it feels so good to read a book acknowledging that, and (b) it is, and i'm really happy that everyone agrees.

so anyway, i feel like the latest warriors release was tapped in to my brain.

first, it had all of this stuff that happens in mtbnsof (squirrelstar, if you don't read my fic/can't keep track of acronyms, which, understandable), or is going to happen in mtbnsof.

i kind of spoiled a lot of stuff in my book notes, but i'm not doing that again, so moving on.

anyway, i wasn't really excited for daisy's kin and spotfur's rebellion, i just wanted the blackfoot novella.

but damn, i was wrong.

i felt like someone had a line into my brain because daisy's life is exactly what i wanted it to be.

i'm going to talk about that in a moment i just really don't want to understate how fantastic it is to see a warriors novella expand and develop these ideas. i strongly urge you to read daisy's kin if you haven't already. it's really, really good. i'm being deliberately vague about the plot to encourage you to read it.

i think this might go as far as repairing the hole in my heart from "leafpool's wish." i don't think there's anything that can fix the brain rot (although the line in SFR, where she's like "adoption is valid," is close), but the hole? that's healing because of daisy's kin.

and y'all already know how much i hate leafpool's wish.

chapter five: advent

so if you don't read my fic "ashes," chapter five (advent) was published april 10th, and the basic summary is it's the first 3 months of holly/jay/lion's life.

it's a chapter i like, we're going to do a quick breakdown. there are spoilers for this chapter, and also probably the future of the fic. depending on when i actually publish this essay, they may or may not have been covered, so read at your own risk.

so the basic summary of advent is this:

ashfur meets his children

daisy apologizes for not supporting squilf

ashfur announces his children to thunderclan

sandstorm offers motherly advice

squilf has a moment where she's like "i'm not ready for this but you are my whole world

cool.

anyway, daisy has this line that i like:

But Leafpool's young, and she's not a queen. I understand.

she's talking to squilf and is kind of..."i'm here for you."

the implication is that leafpool's job doesn't really extend to kits, past their physical well-being.

and later on, daisy (and ferncloud) are the cats squilf leans on. she's the one who provides a lot of support over jaykit, especially when they're all arguing all the time about it.

she's also a support to the kits. they would all die for her.

daisy gives advice about how well jaykit is growing and reassures squilf it's okay to be kind of bored when they're little and sleeping all the time.

she also has this moment:

"Oh, hush," Daisy said, "I'm just proud she knows so many words."

where hollykit says bb curse and daisy is like "ah yes my daughter! she's so smart!"

anyway, daisy is just...

when hollypaw doesn't know what she wants, she's going to ask daisy for advice. she's a neutral party: squirrelflight is her mother, but daisy is in a not-quite-mother role.

she's the one who notices when leafpool is With Kits. that's her job.

she really does take it as a failure that she didn't notice what was going on with squilf. in the clan, her role is to stop that from happening. i mean, no one really blames her because squilf's kits were early and leafpool was there but...it was 100% her job to not have that happen.

if something had gone wrong, she would have taken it even harder.

(also, ferncloud usually also serves this role, but she has her own litter right now, so that's consuming a fair amount of her time/energy.)

kinship (kind of)

okay, well.

i've been talking about kinship more and more lately.

it's because i'm working on "wing & feather" (aka the jaywing au where dove and jay are siblings), and kinship is a somewhat big deal there.

so anyway, first: my usual preemptive vocabulary lesson:

sraue

litter, littermates.

maach

blood-family unit, sibling (by blood)

maara

den-family unit, denmates (going over this another time)

rru

mother, mother's sister.

rruha

denmother (queen who nursed at same time, or nursery queen)

there, not so bad.

right, so i'm doing a full breakdown of kinship elsewhere, because while the maach side is fairly simple, the maara side is...there are just different rules. they're not more complicated, but they're a second set of rules.

(and then you can have situations where, say, in w&f, by maach, jay and dove are maach with squilf and leaf, but by maara, squilf is rruha to them.)

see so it's complicated.

but we're honing in on rruha for this.

rruha is a term referring basically to any queen who could have nursed you.

using ashes, daisy, ferncloud, and squilf as an example:

if squilf's milk didn't come in (as per canon), fern would have nursed HJL, so ferncloud is rruha to them. (she's also got a maach relationship, but rruha supersedes that.)

similarly, squilf could have nursed fox and ice, so she's rruha to them. (unlike with HJL, she doesn't have a maach relationship to them, because she's not related to ferncloud. the more you know.)

daisy could have nursed either litter (hypothetically? it's a little complicated and the cat bio section is later on), so she's rruha to both.

this relationship is one of the highest ones on the influence later. the maternal relationship (rru) is the only clear trump card. the paternal relationship (seya) can be more important, but it depends on the father.

(the littermate and denmate relationships are also very important, but in a different way.)

so, daisy is somewhere between a grandmother and a mother to pretty much every cat in thunderclan.

god bless you if you ever try to hurt her, because that's a lot of cats who would not let that happen.

queens

alright, so. the crux of it all.

what is the role of a (life-long) queen?

to nurture queens and kits.

it's that simple.

it's just a very important job.

i imagine they train each other, too. goldenflower offered advice and teachings to ferncloud, and ferncloud brought experience of clan life to daisy, and vice versa.

i hope someone takes up residence of the nursery with daisy, because otherwise that's a lot of leadership to just break up.

(as an aside, seriously, this is out of nowhere: i'm still thinking about moonflower's death. it has to be the saddest death in warriors, for me. i think because she's such a mother figure: soft and hazy and kind, and she dies. and she's...you know, you barely thought of her as a warrior. bluepaw still sees her only as mother and then she dies, dies in a raid that you know was questionable, and it hurts so much. moonflower might be the only warriors death i cried over. because it pulled at this raw, primal place of grief and loss.)

cat biology (naturally)

you know, i made this header, but i don't actually remember what i had to say?

huh.

well. there's a nonzero chance i remember later so...

yep remembered.

okay so y'all know. i have fucked over my google for you searching info about cat lactation.

someone better care about this.

okay so.

best i can tell, cats will lactate with kits around, pregnant or not. it helps to be around pregnant queens, but a cat like daisy should have no trouble providing milk for kits where necessary.

now, based on what i know about this (which is more than i want to talk about lest someone accuse me of...eh yeah), this won't be perfect for newborn kits, but it'll keep them alive.

the problem is it's not necessarily going to be instant.

what i'm saying is, the troubles in daisy's kin are valid, considering the nursery is empty.

the long night

okay so i've talked about the long night/"whatever is done only by me" enough and i don't feel like explaining it again.

but basically, it's daisy's job to stop that from happening.

daisy (again, using daisy as a filler for "queens like daisy") is supposed to check in on queens, make sure they're safe, support them.

she will drop kick anyone out of the nursery who threatens that.

and you don't want to mess with daisy because it won't be one drop kick so much as the entirety of the junior warriors.

this is the most important part of daisy's job. crisis de-escalation. tree has nothing on queens.

notes and touches

uh, let's see...oh fuck! going to edit something.

okay anyway.

i'm very sad they let daisy sleep alone in the nursery D:

cats are highly social she didn't deserve that

#warriors #warrior cats #warriors worldbuilding #warriors culture #warriors au #essay #long #q #mine #txt #17th #April #2021 #April 17th 2021

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myimaginesandrp · 3 years

Text

Force Sensitive Reader (Finale)

Summary: Maybe swearing your life to The First Order wasn’t the best idea...

Words: 5k

Warnings: M, Heavy Angst, Violence

Previous , Part 1

(I know its been over a year, but I hope this is satisfying and happy conclusion to this wild mess of a ride. Thanks for those of you who stuck around to finish the story! )

✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆ ✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆ ✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆ ✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆✦

Blinding and unforgiving lights.

That’s what you saw.

Hot, piercing lights that followed the brutal attack you’d just endured. You’d hoped you’d have gotten a chance to steal a look at a star or even another life form before you gave out. A flower would’ve been nice. All in all, you knew you wouldn’t make it out of this one, you could only take so much. You could still feel the heat emitting from the red saber as if finished its merciless mark on you.

The dark eyes that stared at you were colder than you’d ever seen, glassy from the fury that clouded them. Out of all the ways those brown eyes had stared at you before, this one was one you’d never expect to see. The pure rage and fury that they emitted masked the hurt and betrayal that lingered underneath. You could see it. You could even sense it in him, no matter how strongly he tried to push it away. He was utterly devastated by what you’d just done..

It was only fair to him that you admitted it. It was you who’d decided it was enough, and you’d be lying if you didn’t acknowledge part of you was just as devastated .The guilt that pressed on your chest hurt almost as much as the fresh wounds he’d bestowed upon you. Being just another person in his life who’d let him down, who’d let him slip further into the darkness.

His voice spits down like venom on you, but you can't make the words out; you’re too far gone to even try. You don’t have to guess the type of hatred he’s throwing at you anyway. His shoulders slump down then, he huffs down another breath and he disappears. This was bound to happen, and at least you’d admitted to yourself that there were worse ways to go. But going out as a coward was not something you’d ever do. Not even when your last breath left you.

Blinding and unforgiving lights.

That’s the last thing you remember before everything went dark.

They say it’s been a few months, that you’re lucky to be alive. They say that transport got you out just in time, and that if it weren’t for the lack of security in the outer rim, you’d have never made it. They say anyone else wouldn’t have made it. That your wounds won’t ever heal but you’re breathing on your own again and you’re very lucky. You’re very lucky to be alive.

You’re not really sure about that last part.

A quiet hum fills the air as you listen to the noises of the creatures nearby, for the first time you start making sense of the smells and sounds you didn’t recognize before.

Droids everywhere. Once in a while, someone comes over and does its regular check up. You absolutely hate those times. Any time you feel their cold metal press against your skin, you want to scream, but your lips don’t obey you anymore.

The first time you became aware of your surroundings was a few nights ago, when a warm hand brushed against your cheek gently. The first time anyone other than Kylo had laid a finger on you. Gratitude would be the appropriate response to the kindness of the stranger. After all, they did wake you up, but upon further inspection, it turned out that you weren’t entirely awake, conscious but not awake.

The quiet drip of the ivy machines kept you busy for the most part. Drop after drop you counted. Every day.

Eight thousand, nine hundred and fifty four drops today. Well at least you thought it was daytime. There really was no way to keep track of time since you came to. Only a misplaced whisper from a doctor here and there told you where you were.

Looks like your plan worked all along. The resistance was able to blow up that stupid ice planet and with it, any chance the Firs Order had of ever seeing victory again. It was a small contribution on your part, but an essential one nonetheless.

Poe had been right all along.

You didn’t know how far the First Order would go, but thinking back on it now, you were but a fool to believe anything other than the fact that they were bad news. For the whole galaxy.

Sure, you could let a few murders here and there slide, but when the weapon was fully charged…

When they made a whole star system disappear…

All those voices crying out in pain…

You felt every single one of those life forms reach out in anguish. Oh and the fear they felt, the absolute horror they emitted before they were quickly, and cruelly silenced.

So much suffering…

“She’s crying!” The voice is loud and too close to you. It seems so familiar but it’s muffled and you can’t place it. Whoever they are they're right. You feel the warmth of your tears trail down your cheeks.

“She very well could be,” another voice agrees. “I’ll keep a droid on her at all times, we'll see if anything else changes”

It was so infuriating to hear them speak about you, hear them right there next to you while your stupid body refused to obey you. Who were they anyway? Where were you? It couldn’t be with the order, you'd be long dead if they had their way. In fact, when Kylo found out about your little involvement in the resistance scum getting away, you’d nearly paid for it with your life. The one you were willing to risk after all.

Time passes by in a blur, it all mixes together in a senseless clock that you can’t keep up with. Has it been days? Weeks? Years? You definitely didn’t know. You just wished you could wake up, you wished you could lift your hand so you could feel your way around. You fight to stay awake, for who knows how long, until you slowly start to give away at the weight on your chest.

Would it be so bad if you just gave up? Maybe you should. It’s not like anyone out there is waiting for you. The damage you’ve caused can’t be wiped away by one act of kindness, or better yet foolishness. No no one would miss you, The Order was gone and you weren’t even sure if Poe was…

You stop your train of thoughts before they take you somewhere dark. Of course he was fine, he had more will to live than you ever did. He was probably out there, flying through the stars, cleaning up what was left of the galaxy. Still you wish somehow you could know, if what you did was worth it all in the end. If giving up your pathetic life helped, someone somewhere out in the universe. You know you won’t get your answer though, or you think that, until one day you feel a pair of hands entwine with yours.

Whoever is touching you feels so warm against your cold hands, they feel like the ones who’ve touched your cheeks before. The ones who’ve held you before. Maker, you wish you knew who they were. Who was so close, and making your stomach fill with butterflies? You want to scream, let them know you feel their touch beside you.

They need to stop.

You’ll go crazy, you can’t bear to live like this. You thought you’d get peace when everything went dark, but this was a far greater punishment than you’d bargained for. It’s when you think you’ll finally lose it, when they speak. The sound is muffled, but you can hear a voice. It cracks as it speaks but you can make out the desperation in it. It calls your name over and over, pleading for you to fight, to come back. The weight of the bed shifts and suddenly your whole body is filled with their warmth as they wrap themselves around you. You’d mind, but you feel safe. Their body shakes as they sob beside you. You want to cry too. You wish your body would listen, listen and take pity on you and this poor creature beside you who’s broken cries break your heart every time they disrupt the otherwise silent room.

It seems like forever that you lay together like this when you feel a pair of lips pressing against your forehead, a warm trail of tears brushing against your skin as their cheeks make contact with you. Your heart jumps inside your chest at the familiarity of their touches. They speak again, telling you they don’t know when they’ll be back. You feel tightness in our chest as they admit their goodbye. The weight of the bed shifts again and their warmth is gone, leaving behind a cold and empty feeling inside you. They pull away from you and your head is lifted slightly. Once their hand is gone, you feel a slight feel of cold metal on your chest. They put a necklace on you? A pair of hands find your cheeks for a moment and then they're gone, leaving you to the silence of the cold room.

You don’t hear the voice again. Not when you’ve passed the ten thousandth drop of the day, or week or whatever time cycle it was since you’d heard it. In fact you don’t really hear much, until one day everything changes.

It starts out very slowly. The way your body seems to come alive from the inside out is almost indescribable. All you know is that it creeps up from your hand until it reaches your toes. By the time you realize what’s happening, your whole body is alight.

One drip….

Two drips…

Three…

The sound of your own gasp startles you. You don’t recognize it as it fills the silent room. Now your hands are moving. Yes, they're moving, your fingers are grasping at the cold sheets beneath you, and you try to remember how your lungs are supposed to work.

Blinding and cold lights greet you as your eyes fly open. They scan the room and slowly the shapes around you come into focus behind the bright spots left behind from the lamp above you. Your breaths are heavy and its then that you realize you’re not alone.

“Hey you're alright”, a soft voice calls out to you. It’s not the same one as before, but you follow it immediately until you're met with a kind pair of brown eyes. “It’s okay breathe”

“Rey” you call out when your eyesight finally settles on the figure beside you.

“You’re okay, you're safe” she assures you as your body finally relaxes into the mattress. You were safe?

“What happened?” you wonder aloud. Before she can answer, a familiar white and orange bb unit comes into your field of view. The sight of him nearly chokes you into tears. If he was here...

“You were gone a long time Y/N you’re with the resistance now. The war is over”

You try to sit up, your mouth unable to keep up with your brain as you spit out a garble of questions, trying to process what is going on. A pair of hands gently pushes you back into the mattress.

“I’ll explain everything, I promise. But for now you need to rest. I have to inform the others you’re awake. Can you please stay here?” You don’t know what comes over you, but your sudden panic is replaced with a warm feeling of peace, and you only nod your head as you listen to her order. She explains how she used her life force to wake you, but all that does is leave you with more answers than you had to begin with. Still, you agree to stay there until the medics finish treating you. Once she’s sure you’re not going to bolt out of bed, she makes her leave, promising she’s to return soon and explain everything to you.

The next few hours are filled with a flurry of activity around you. Doctors and droids stop by and ask you the same questions over and over again until you’re just about sick of hearing them. BB8 sticks by your side the whole time, and his presence fills you with reassurance that everything will be okay. So you let them take their samples for testing and obey their requests when you’re to change or move so they can take to your wounds.

Days pass before you’re able to finally get up from the bed but the little progress you make makes the evenings tolerable. It’s only when you’re able to shower for the first time, when you see the extent of the damage Kylo inflicted on you. The sight in front of you shocks you into silence. The person standing in front of the mirror is very different from the one you saw last. She’s so small and weak, but the hollows of her cheeks seem to have been filled again. Her skin had regained some of her color back and her hair was long past her waist. A droid assists you when your legs shake, not used to standing after such a long time. You stare down your body to take in the bigger wounds that lay below. Three long gashes protrude from your back. They are similar to the ones on your face, but these are still red and they extend across your sides into your chest. They still hurt and you wonder how bad they must’ve looked before Rey partly healed you. Maybe they were right, and you were lucky to be alive.

It’s then that you feel the necklace round your neck again. It’s still there, a small silver band, accompanied by a set of familiar tags. Your hand reaches out to hold them as tears threaten to leave you for the first time. The cold metal pressing against your chest demands our attention, and you stare at it through the mirror thinking about the person who put it there in the first place. The one that came to visit you, time and time again. This necklace belonged to one person and now that you think of it, you’re wondering where he could possibly be. You want to ask about Poe, but every time you think of bringing it up, your heart catches in your throat, not brave enough to hear something you won’t like.

Later that night you lay on your bed, holding on to the necklace for dear life, until sleep starts to weigh heavy on you again. Panic threatens to rise in your chest as the night brings up memories from the time you were attacked. You suppose it was bound to happen, after all you went through. Before you can lose yourself to them, though, a little droid comes by to soothe you. He plays soft music that distracts you from your thoughts and as he rolls closer to the bed, you feel his warmth wash over you.

“Thank you BB8” you mumble as you finally allow sleep to drift you into the darkness once more.

* * *

Time begins to pass again, although this time not as fast, but you welcome it nonetheless. Your wounds start to heal, and though they’re very noticeable, it doesn't hurt as much as you thought they would. Rey keeps her promise and returns to explain everything to you. How they were able to blow up the planet, how important your contribution had been to the downfall of The First Order (and therefore all your war crimes were pardoned), and how you’d been saved by one of the pilots. That causes BB8 to perk up and you make a mental note to ask him about that later. She doesn’t say who, but you're ever so thankful to them. Anyone in their right mind would’ve just left you for dead, you were just the enemy.

She explains how the general gave you some of her life force to keep you alive before she passed. That particular detail hurts you like you’d never imagined. Even as Rey speaks, you realize you can feel the general’s presence all around you. She was gone, but you never felt closer to her. She did care about you, even after everything you did to her…

Rey answers all your questions and hours later she promises to check in on you once in a while. You thank her and she makes her leave, promising everything will be okay now and you honestly believe her.

One night, as you’re laying on your bed, you think about the pilot who found you on Ilum.

“BB8?” you call out, and after a few moments the droid makes his way from his corner of the room. He noisily rolls over to you, grumbling and complaining about being woken up. “I know I’m sorry. I didn't know you’d powered down for the night.” You sit up, and he gives you his full attention. “Say, you remember when I was rescued from Ilum? What happened to the Pilot who found me?” He perks up, communicating excitedly and it takes you a few moments to process what he’s trying to say.

“You found me?” He beeps in agreement. “You wouldn’t happen to have any record of it, would you?” He moves his head as if to nod but he hesitates to give you the recording.

“It’s alright BB8, you can show me” After another moment of pause, he pulls out a hologram recording from his memory.

You sit there in disbelief as the scene unfolds in front of you.

There’s so much red covering the floor. It’s a stark contrast from the bright blanket of snow on the ground. He’s moving quickly towards a small mound on the ground. Your breath catches when you realize it's you, lying motionless on the ground. That's when you hear a familiar voice call out your name and your heart stops.

“Scraps! Scraps wake up!”

Poe comes into the field of view, throwing himself on the ground to pick you up. His breaths are raged and labored, as if he’d been running.

“No, no, no no. please, please!” He lifts your head up trying to feel any pulse on your neck, crying out again when he doesn’t feel any.

“Scraps please, wake up” he runs his hand across your cheek, brushing your hair away from your face. “Please baby, don’t leave me. Wake up” He shakes you as heavy, pain filled wails leave his lips. “I’ll do anything,” he cries out to no one in particular

“Please Scraps. Y/n please come back to me!” It’s then that BB8 gets closer and Poe gently puts you back in the ground. Once he moves away, BB8’s mechanical arm reaches out to deliver a shot of electricity to your body.

Tears spill from your eyes as you watch yourself on the hologram.

Your body jerks for a moment before lying limp on the ground again. Poe's lips are on you, blowing air into your empty lungs, once, and then twice before your body jerks again from another shock BB8 delivers.

Another familiar face comes rushing into the field of view. FN2187.

“Please, she’s not responding, she’s not- She won’t wake up” he calls out to his companion, his face stained from the tears that he’d shed. Rey and a small group of random resistance fighters come into the field of view. You watch as they try to pry Poe from you and he yells out that they let him go. Once they’re able to drag Poe far enough away. Rey places a hand on your chest, it glows for a moment and Poe cries out in relief as she says your pulse started again. The rest of the men release their hold on him and he’s back by your side.

“We have to get her to the ship” a random voice calls out.

“Yes, fine” Poe agrees “But be gentle with her…” he continues blabbering on as they all quickly work to get you up. You see your body being carried off the ground before the transmission cuts off.

You sit in silence for a long time as the memory replays in front of you. BB8 calls out your name and you nod in his direction. Warmth rolls down your cheeks and you realize you’re crying. The last time you saw Poe there was so much disappointment in his eyes, but that’s not the man you were seeing in the hologram. The pain in his eyes ripped your heart apart. He was there looking for you, he found you, and he saved you.

“Thank you for saving me” you say to the droid beside you, “Thank you for not leaving Poe alone.”

* * *

Slowly you recuperate and are given more freedom to wander around the medical base. As soon as you’re able to, you even make your way outside. Eventually, you’re assigned a temporary tent while they figure out where to put you. You’re just fine with that. It seems the gratitude finally starts to make an appearance on you after all. Maybe you could be happy here.

It helped you so much to know you were still able to use the force. You’d thought your abilities would have faded away by now, but when you step out into the forest one day, you’re surprised to learn you can still feel a special connection to it.

On this particular day, you dare to wonder further out than usual with BB8 by your side. You still wear your necklace and it clicks with every step you take on the damp ferns underneath your feet. You’d grown to have BB8 around, it seemed any interaction with any other life forms put you on edge, but they seemed to be more understanding of you now. Instead of worried glances, you were met with kind eyes and on some rare occasions, they thanked you for what you’d done. With each passing day you were starting to become convinced that this place could really be your home again.

You walk in silence and you’ve just about passed the landing strip when BB8 suddenly bolts onward ahead of you. The sudden shift takes you by surprise, so when you finally call out to him, he’s a good several paces beyond your reach.

“What is wrong with this droid today?!” You huff in annoyance. It actually takes a few minutes to reach him, with how fast he was moving, but soon you can make out the little figure among the ferns ahead of you.

It’s an overcast day, but the temperature is mild. So why do you suddenly feel so cold? You lift your hand as you’re about to call out to BB8 when you see someone crouch down next to him, making you freeze on the spot. The droid is going wild, beeps and nodes flying around as it gives its affection to the man beside him. It's a sight you were very familiar with, but this time it drains all the blood from your face. A hand instinctively reaches out to touch the necklace around your neck, a single finger receiving solace in the cool touch of the ring it finds.

He looks healthy. There are no scars or bruises on his face, save the ones he’d had the last time you'd seen him. His hands reach down and pat the droid with the same enthusiasm he receives, and you see him smile for the first time in a long, long time. Your heart beats excitedly in your chest, it's pulsing so fast you can feel it in your throat.

“Hey boy! I’ve missed you too! You didn’t get into any trouble while I was gone did you?” he murmurs to BB8 excitedly. The droid replies right away and his face falls for just a moment.

“I know. I didn’t think I’d be out this long. I’m sorry buddy” His hand pats the side of the droid gently, as he examines him for any dents or scratches. The next words that come out of his mouth are a hushed whisper, so low you’re not really sure you heard it until BB8 answers him.

“How is she?” He listens as the droid gets seven more excited, offering him a series of beeps as you watch his face light up with everything he’s told. That is until his whole body stiffens “She’s where?” He lifts his head up, and you think to move, but you’re frozen in place. His eyes find yours, and suddenly the world that was alive around you, goes quiet for a moment. A gasp escapes him as he takes you in. His eyes travel up your body, resting on your hand and the necklace you’re holding so tightly your knuckles are starting to lose color.

You don’t know what to do, you don’t know what to say, and he doesn’t give you a chance before he straightens up and turns in your direction.

Neither of you speak for a long time, you just stare at each other, dumbstruck and in complete disbelief that the other is actually there. Eventually BB8 decides we’ve had enough time in silence and gently nudges him forward. He stands only an arms reach away when he clears his throat, still at a loss for words.

“Poe” The small gasp leaves your lips in a strangled and honestly pathetic cry. Your eyes really betray you, because soon they start to sting and a pool of tears begins to collect around them.

“Hey scraps” His words are a weak whisper that mirrors yours. He reaches his hands out as if to touch you but he refrains from doing so the moment your eyes peer down at them.

“It was you” you manage to say without your lip quivering. “You saved me”

He drops his gaze to the floor and nods.

“You saved me first,” he counters, “when I was taken prisoner. Leia told me it was you.”

You give him one hard nod and you don’t know what comes over you then, when he lifts his eyes to see you. You’d seen the same look many times before, one you’d never thought you’d receive from him again. His eyes were so full of love, they stared back at you, glistening in the sun. You don’t have any idea of what he’d possibly been up to all this time, but you didn’t expect to have him here, alive and safe, and so close to you.

“I’m sorry Poe” The tears that you’d been holding back finally start to spill over, any remnant of self-control you could’ve had is long gone as you force yourself to speak again. ‘I’m so sorry. I should’ve listened to you. You tried to tell me so many times. I don’t listen! I-”

He reaches for you then; the moment his skin makes contact with yours, you feel a fire explode inside you. His arms wrap around you and pull you into him tightly, and you reach up to hold him, afraid to let go in case this is all some horrible hallucination and he disappears from you.

“It’s okay baby, you’re okay” he coos softly as one of his hands cups your cheek. “I’m sorry too Y/N.” His voice begins to break then, any self-composure he had left, completely gone from him. “I’m so sorry baby. I shouldn’t have let you go. I’ll never let you slip from me again you hear me? Never”

He starts crying then, loud sobs that you respond to with your own as you let the pain from the past years swim out of you. He’s here with you, and you love him just as much as you had when you saw him all those years ago. You don’t know how you end up in the ground, but eventually your breathing evens out enough for you to speak again. You’re sat on the ground with your arms wrapped around each other when a cool breeze passes over you both and you shiver from the sudden change in temperature. He notices and gently pushes you away to help you stand.

“Come on scraps, we have a lot to talk about” he says as he offers you his hand.

You take it gladly and you both make your way back through the forest as you did once long ago. BB8 trails beside you both, making loud noises as he exclaims how pleased he is to have you both together again.

That night Poe stays by your side, and all the nights after that.

* * *

It takes time. It takes time to open up to him again. To be vulnerable, and openly allow each other to be intimate again, not just physically, but emotionally. It takes time for him to smile at you when you spend time together. And it takes even longer before you’re back to being friends. You tell him everything. Absolutely everything. Every death and every cruel punishment you set out to inflict on others. In return he tells you his woes and adventures while you were apart. Some things break your heart a little more than others. You tell him everything that Ren did to you, so when he lifts his hand or steps in your field of view too suddenly and you flinch, his eyes grow kinder, and softer than before.

It takes time, but slowly your wounds heal together, and soon it’s as if time never passed. Sure, you’re a little frayed in the edges, but you’re together, and you are whole. Soon you’re strapping on your helmet again and flying through the stars. In the near distance, you watch as he flies his X wing through space just like many years before. But this time you’re not running from him, or the Order or the Resistance, You’re not running from anything anymore. You’re free.

Time passes.

Sometimes fast and others a little slower, but you don’t mind it now because he’s by your side. Time can pass, and you’ll be okay with that.

✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆ ✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆ ✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆ ✦⋆✦⋆✦⋆✦

Thank you so much for reading!

@country-cowgirl-101 @nicci442 @commondazy @acehyacinth @stumbleonmywords @clumsycopy @chewymoustachio @treestarrrrrrrr @irrelevantyettopicalusername @iamburdened @thescarletknight2014 @far-beyond-infinity

#poe dameron x reader #kylo x poe x reader #Poe x Y/N #poe dameron x female reader #poe dameron x you

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metzili · 4 years

Text

skincare reviews because my workplace closed and my classes went online

you already know. it’s been two days and i’ve been reduced to writing about skincare when this is a fan blog. take it or leave it this is the accumulation of skincare products (mainly korean products) i’ve tried out for about three years. I don’t do the 10-step routine, because I like having one or two products with active ingredients that work their magic so I can tell what product works or not. I feel like if I did multiple steps, all the products would cancel each other out and I’d never be able to pinpoint what worked. My skin is normal/dry, with some patches of eczema during the colder months. I had a lot of acne my first two years of high school (2015-2017), so I mainly focus on fighting that discoloration and also hydration. This is in no particular order, by the way.

Acwell’s Licorice pH Balancing Cleansing Toner ($18) Really love this! I’ve repurchased maybe three times already? Only toner I’ve used that actually helps to lighten discoloration. 10/10

Banila Co’s Clean It Zero Cleansing Balm, Original ($19) Very lovely cleansing balm; does it’s job at removing makeup and leaves skin hydrated after rinsing. Haven’t tried any other cleansing balms, so I can’t really compare. I think I do remember it leaving the tiniest bit of residue, but I always follow up with a water-based cleanser, so it’s not a big deal for me. 9/10

Some by Mi’s AHA-BHA-PHA 30Days Miracle Toner ($16) Pretty nice. Did it’s job, but I don’t see the whole fuss about it. With the amount of AHA and BHAs inside, as well as the tea tree water and papaya extracts, it almost crosses into the realm of being a chemical exfoliant. Probably better for those leaning oily. Still good, especially for the price. 8/10

Versed’s the Shortcut Overnight Facial Peel ($20) Even though this is a Target brand, it’s priced a little higher than the previous items, which I find a little funny. But I don’t mind it at all! A very lovely facial peel, leaves my skin nice and soft in the morning. There’s a mix of lactic and glycolic acid that act as the exfoliants. I prefer chemical exfoliants to physical ones because my skin gets sensitive when it’s really dry. Good to try out! 9/10

COSRX’s Advanced Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence ($21) I. Love. This. Product. I know it’s a little offputting, for the product to be a whopping 96% snail mucin, but its specially formulated for the use on skin. It’s intensely hydrating, but it sinks into the skin super quickly. (I used this in my morning routine before makeup) Really helps with discoloration, too! And it lasts SO LONG. I think I had the same bottle for six months, and I was using this shit everyday. I think it’s really worth the try. 10/10

Enature’s Birch Juice Hydro Essence Skin ($39) This is up there in price, but I managed to get this on sale for $16, so I’ve decided to try it out. I’ve only used it once, but found that I really liked it. Very hydrating, sinks into skin very quickly, and a nice, light scent! I think I’m going to really like this one. The problem is the future divot in my wallet when I buy this off sale....9/10

Klairs’s Freshly Juiced Vitamin C Drop ($23) After hearing everyone’s praises on this, I caved. It’s very nice; almost the consistency of a dry oil? Sinks in quickly. I’ve used this on and off since November (so my skin couldn’t get too used to it) and my discoloration has brightened considerably. Enough that I’ve been going to class and work without makeup pretty often in the past two months. It takes some time, but the results pay off. 9/10

Fourth Ray Beauty’s Remedy 10% Niacinamide Serum ($16) I’ve been buying from Colourpop for over four years now, so I felt the need to try out their new skincare brand. Niacinamide is a miracle ingredient, working to clear acne, lighten discoloration and so much more. I’ve been using this as my only serum in the mornings since it’s such a stable ingredient and not sensitive to sunlight. My skin definitely looks brighter, but this formula...it leaves my skin feeling sort of tight and tacky. I’m not in love with it, but I’ll finish it out. 6/10 Fourth Ray Beauty’s AM To The PM Gel Cleanser ($12) I don’t like this cleanser. It does its job, yes, but my face feels really dry after rinsing. I thought it was just my initial reaction to it, but halfway down the bottle my skin still reacts the same. Only keeping it to use as my backup cleanser if the one I’m currently using runs out. 3/10

Klaris’s Rich Moist Soothing Cream ($23) !!!!!!!! I love this! A thicker moisturizer perfect for the colder months. Doesn’t leave my face feeling oddly tight afterwards like some moisturizers do. Not tight as in its not moisturizing, but almost like there’s a super thin cast? Anyway, it doesn’t have that. I’ve repurchased twice already. 10/10

Kiehls’s Ultra Facial Cream ($32) I also really love this moisturizer. It’s what I was using before I found the Klairs one. A little more lightweight that Klairs, but still very moisturizing. More suited for the warmer months. Pretty sure I bought this at least three times. No weird tight cast after applying! 10/10

Simple Kind to Skin’s Replenishing Rich Moisturizer ($9) I....don’t like this. Moisturizing enough, but it leaves that tight, cast-like feeling after applying. Was using it as a backup moisturizer when I finished the Kiehls one and hadn’t bought the Klairs yet. 4/10

CeraVe’s Moisturizing Cream ($15) Yes, the cream that comes in the tub, not the lotion that comes in the bottle. I recently ran out of the Klairs and had to find something quick. Surprisingly enough, this feels almost exactly like the Klairs, if just a little thicker. It leaves the tiniest bit of a cast, but that feeling’s gone in less than an hour, which can’t be said for the previous moisturizers. The thing is, when I apply this at night and wake up the next day....my skin feels so supple. There’s no other word for it. I really love this. And for 16oz of product versus the Klairs’s 2oz, I think I’ve found a new favorite. 10/10

Garnier’s SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water All-In-1 ($7) Does it’s job. 13.5 oz for the price is a pretty good steal. Removes my waterproof mascara really well. Nothing too special about it. 8/10

NeoGen’s Real Fresh Foam, Cranberry ($19) I’ve only just bought this and have only used it once, so take with a grain of salt. My skin kind of badly reacted to it? The symptoms went away after 15 minutes or so, but I’m not casting it aside just yet. I’ve never used a foam cleanser before, so my skin could have reacted from not being used to such a medium. It still cleansed my skin well.The foam itself was very cloudy and soft and the fragrance was very light. It doesn’t scream cranberry, which is what I was worried about. EDIT: After washing a second time the next day, there was no stinging whatsoever. The reaction was probably my skin saying yo what the fuck is this texture? But the pH is 7, neutral, so its a little more alkaline than the skin’s natural pH, meaning there was a bit of tightness after patting my face dry. Would recommend for normal/oily skin. 7/10

Drunk Elephant’s C-Firma Day Serum ($80) This is....the most expensive thing I’ve ever bought for my skin. I was pretty desperate to get rid of my discoloration about a year ago since it was only getting worse and I was hearing so much praise about this, so I caved. I still only used this at night, since it was still a vitamin C product, despite it saying it was safe to use in the daytime. I feel like it did help a lot with my skin; it delivered results a little quicker than the Klairs serum. Maybe after two months I saw the changes? But what put me off so much is the scent. It smelled so....herbal. And not in the good way. And it was super strong. And after applying, it felt like a heavy oil that wouldn’t sink in. It took forever. Even if it delivered results relatively quickly, I won’t be buying again just because of how strong that scent was. 5/10

Neutrogena’s Hydro Boost Water Gel Lotion SPF 50 ($13) I’ve been using a BB cream with SPF 30 for years, so I never thought to have an additional SPF product. After hearing that SPF 30 is the minimal protection you should have, I thought to look for something better so I’d be more protected, because I wasn’t reapplying at all. (I wasn’t about to redo my makeup every two hours) This lotion doesn’t leave a white cast which, with my tan skin, was my main priority. It takes a while to sink in, which isn’t that great, since I apply my makeup after putting this on, so I have to wait a little longer. It smells...exactly what you think sunscreen smells. Pretty strongly, too. I’m currently looking for a better SPF 50 that isn’t like $50, but I’ll be using this in the meantime since it doesn’t make me look like a ghost. 7/10 BONUS! Lush Cosmetics Fresh Face Mask of Magnaminty ($15) This is the only wash-off mask I actually like. (I usually stick to sheet masks) I swear it cleared all those bumps I used to have on my forehead. Like, actually. I love using this on the week I have my period, which is the only time I really get acne now. Really lovely results. 10/10 belif’s The True Tincture Chamomile Cleansing Stick ($30) This is here because I just found out it’s discontinued.....a real shame. This also really helped those bumps on my forehead. I swear that this, and the mask, got rid of them in less than a month. I repurchased twice before trying out other things and forgetting about it. I really wish this wasn’t discontinued! And that’s it! All that I remember ever trying. Throw down a comment or DM me if you want a more detailed description for any product or if you actually want me to keep doing this for any future products.

#skincare #k beauty #korean skincare #skincare routine #daily routine #the things i do while quarantined lol

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gimmeyoon · 4 years

Text

Tag Game

tagged by: @ddaenggtan whom I love and is one half of two spider-man’s pointing at each other

:: nickname(s): B, BayB, Sherbert (Based on my real name this is risky), Bob (Because my phone autocorrects BB to Bob and so my best friend and I call each other that).

:: bias: In BTS, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jungkook (Because I am a whore)

:: blood type: I genuinely do not know, I think A+ .....

:: favourite food: Tofu and rice from a very specific Chinese place near my undergrad school OR from Sticky Rice, Asparagus, Pasta of any type, Tofurky sandwich

:: birthday: March 11, 1997

:: zodiac: Pisces Sun, Aries Moon, Sagittarius Rising

:: pronouns: she/her

:: hair length: OKAY right now it is SO LONG I’ve had short hair since I started senior year of High School, and now, 6 years later, my hair is an inch or 2 past my shoulders (I think I should cut it)

:: height: i am 5′3″ and one time I said “tall people should always be afraid” as I stood on a stool because BEING THAT HIGH UP IS SCARY

:: a crush: I have a new crush every room I walk into I am hopeless also what ever happened to Alex the regular that I blushed around why did he stop coming to my Starbucks Alex I miss you

:: what do you like about yourself: I like my style and my confidence. I took me a really long time to feel good about myself, but I feel like I’m finally as confident as everyone always thought I was. I like my creativity and how empathetic I am.

:: left or right handed: I am right handed but live in fear that I was supposed to be left handed based on my mom’s haunted memory of taking the marker out of my left hand as a child and putting it into my right and immediately regretting it.

:: list of 3 favourite colours: CURRENTLY: pastel pink, neon green, and pastel purple

:: (right now) eating: nothing, but I have a Mediterranean grain bowl from Panera in front of me for later so I could use their wifi

:: (right now) drinking: Starbucks venti iced coffee with soy, light ice, and 3 pumps of cinnamon dolce syrup.

:: i’m about to: start planning for Spring semester which starts tomorrow!

:: listening to: my Korean music playlist, which is named 음악, because Google translate told me that’s how you write music in Korean, if it’s wrong please tell me I don’t want to be embarrassed. It’s my most listened to playlist and more specifically I am listening to Tell Me What To Do by SHINee

:: kids: Does my cat count? I call her my baby and her name is Mochi. Or is this like do I want to have them? Yes, I have wanted to be a mom since I was very little, but that’s also maybe because of child hood trauma that we do not have time to unpack, anyways I always pictured myself as a mom but like not as a wife? So kids even if I’m a single mom.

:: get married: LMAO according to the above I am not like that invested in it, but also I am down to get married one day. I’m genuinely happy alone and I don’t actively seek out romantic relationships BUT ALSO I WANT TO BE LOVED DAMN IT. Idk one day but no time soon.

:: recent phone call: My mom because she face timed me and I could tell it was a butt dial and I was right.

:: (have u ever) dated someone twice: No. I am the type of person that is done when I’m done and my mind isn’t going to be changed. Also I never liked anyone I dated that much OOP.

:: been cheated on: Probably, like they swore to the end that they didn’t, but he immediately started dating the girl (my best friend) that I swore he was cheating on me with SO LIKE EMOTIONALLY YES.

:: kissed someone and regretted it: Literally one of my boyfriends, and yet even after regretting the kiss I DATED HIM WHAT THE HELL

:: lost someone special: Yes. No way to make this entertaining or funny sorry.

:: been depressed: We are thicc into the effects of seasonal affective disorder SO YES (I’m sorry that effects my work on this blog and is proof that being depressed TM does not make you a better artist I CANT DO SHIT RIGHT NOW)

:: been drunk and thrown up: OKAY so yes, the first time was my freshman year of college and I WAS WASTED, and then not again until MY SENIOR YEAR where I would be LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DRINK. I learned the hard way that when I am out and my friend says WHO WANTS TO DO SHOTS if my immediate answer is yes, it should be no, because I never want to take a shot unless I am already too drunk.

:: had glasses or contacts: I have both! I’ve had glasses since the first grade and I got contacts in the 7th grade, which I prefer because I like seeing in my peripheral.

:: had sex on the first date: well as a Virgin TM, no

:: broken someone’s heart: Yes, and I am not sorry OOP

:: turned someone down: Yes, and it is always awkward I hate it

:: cried when someone died: Yes, every time

:: fallen for a friend: Yes, refer back to I have a new crush every room I enter

:: (in the last year have you) made a new friend: YES, I moved to a whole new state and made friends on this here website

:: laughed until u cried: Yes and its one of my favorite emotions

:: met someone who changed u: I think everyone we truly get to know and meet changes us in some way.

:: found out who your true friends were: Yes and that shit hurted

:: found out someone was talking about you: Probably, I am pretty oblivious to things like that, so I could genuinely never realize.

:: lips or eyes: Eyes I guess. I’ve never thought about it but I guess I think more about eyes than lips when it comes to a person.

:: hugs or kisses: Kisses are great but HUGS hit DIFFERENT. You can kiss random people and it means nothing except hey you’re hot, but THE THOUGHT of the person I love hugging me tight EUPHORIC

:: romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous romantic gestures

:: hookup or relationship: Relationship, even though like to think I’m a bad bitch that can’t be locked down, I also need to be comfortable with a person before I can be intimate.

:: first best friend: from birth until the beginning of high school, growing apart from her was worse than any break-up I’ve ever had and I still think about how my mom held me in the car while I cried about the end of our friendship.

:: surgery: nope

:: sports i joined: I did Softball and basketball until high school, played JV volleyball for one year in the 8th grade, and then after that I was a Cheerleader.

:: do u believe in yourself: Sometimes. Recently when Fall semester ended I thought I did really poorly on my final papers, but when I presented in both classes people were really impressed. I had even started to wonder if trying to get my PhD was unrealistic. I think it was the reminder I needed that I am smart and strong and I can do most things if I set my mind to them, so I’m dedicated to believing in myself in 2020.

:: miracles: I don’t know. Maybe. I hate to take a strong stance and say no, but I’ve also never seen one.

:: love at first sight: I believe in like at first sight, but not love. Love is a verb and requires work. Love is so much more than just seeing someone, it involves looking into their soul and saying I recognize the light in you and I love it.

:: heaven: I was raised religious but idk man. It’s crazy because of how strongly I felt about this 6 years ago.

:: do u have any pets: My parents have a dog that I lived with until 6 months ago and I have a cat. I want another cat uwu.

:: do u want to change your name: No, I love my name. But my alias on here, I think about changing it all the time.

:: what did u do for your last birthday: I went out with my friends, and did really cute makeup, and was really feeling myself.

:: what time did u wake up today: I got to sleep in since I had the day off, so 10:00 am.

:: what were u doing last night at midnight: Sleeping my dude, I passed out at like 10:00 pm

:: something i can’t wait for: my whole life I’ve been waiting to live the life I want to live, and I know this is a sad thing to say, but I still feel that way. It’s hard to change my mentality, but I’m very future focused.

:: last time u saw your mum: AHHH recently! My parents came up last week and I got to see them for the first time since November, and my mom cried WHEN SHE WALKED INTO MY APARTMENT

:: what is one thing u wish u could change about your life: I wish I could finally make a solid group of friends where I currently live, but I am very nervous about it and I don’t put myself out there ooof I also would like to stop procrastinating the things I want to do like my YouTube channel and I want to stop being depressed and I want to go to NYC more often

I’d like to tag…. @strawbxxymilk @honiboyyoon @helpitskpop @sketchguk

#I love to ramble and these tag games always prove that sorry #Moots #tag you're it #about b

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demigodofhoolemere · 4 years

Text

Saw The Rise of Skywalker last night. I went in totally expecting to hate it because that tends to be the way with my favorite franchises these days and I’d heard about how bad everyone seemed to think it is. No one is more surprised than me, but... I really liked it?? I do understand why others don’t, plenty of the content is pretty subjective in terms of the tastes of individuals. But I really didn’t have all of the problems I thought I was gonna have.

Plenty of spoilers below.

~~~

Negative:

- I can really only think of one huge negative which is just knowing behind the scenes info, assuming this redditor’s source is telling the truth (looks credible to me and we already know that things have been disastrous behind the scenes of the sequel films in general so I really have no trouble believing this): https://www.reddit.com/r/saltierthancrait/comments/eisnd8/heres_what_ive_been_told_from_a_source_that/ . In which case my biggest problem is how severely Disney/Lucasfilm screwed JJ and the cast over and altered what they’d made. From the perspective of ‘this isn’t what we created anymore’, if I were among them I’d be ticked, too, and I am ticked on their behalves. I do want to see the un-altered, complete version that they did and even though I enjoyed the movie as is, I would probably enjoy that version even more because it sounds like important emotional stuff got shelved, and it didn’t deserve to be (Finn being force sensitive, dang it!). There were a couple of things that made less sense because of the way it got pared down (like the fact that Han’s appearance was apparently Leia manifesting him to Ben and that’s what sapped her strength so badly - that wasn’t made clear at all to me) and I’d love to see what it was like before it got messed with. But this knowledge is really my biggest problem. If I’d never seen this, I wouldn’t have anything truly bad to say about the released product.

Iffy:

- Re: Leia, without it being made totally clear what was happening, I thought they were repeating Padmé’s ‘lost the will to live’ send-off. It’s not something that particularly bothers me about RotS, Padmé did just have the stress of pushing two human beings out of her body all while living with the stress of her husband falling to the dark side and all of the Jedi are being murdered and the list of awfulness goes on, so even though she definitely has her kids to live for, I also know that she was undergoing unimaginable agony both physically and emotionally, and you CAN die from your body physically giving out and from broken heartstrings, so I don’t think that was stupid the way others seem to. But they needed to make what happened to Leia clearer, because I thought they were reusing that, and *that* I did think was weird, and kind of a cheap way to take her out of the picture. Not that Leia hasn’t been through hell enough for broken heartstrings, and losing her son on top of having lost her husband and brother could certainly do it, but because the movie didn’t give any further context for what was happening and what she was doing, it just looked like she passed out and then the next time we see her she’s covered with a sheet and I’m like, “Wait, that’s it?” So I do wish we’d gotten a little more in the way of explaining that sequence, so that Leia didn’t die from just passing out. That didn’t feel completely right to me. I much prefer the idea of her using up her strength to save her son.

- Leia dying at all. I get why, but... owie.

- Shortchanging Rose. I don’t feel terribly strongly about her but in any case it’s not fair to her and especially not to Kelly.

- Very convenient dagger rofl.

- The Palpatine stuff was very sudden. No prior hints anywhere. I don’t know if it’s something they decided late in the game, or if they were going to allude to it but felt TFA was too early and would have in TLJ if Rian hadn’t had such full control over doing whatever he wanted, but whatever the story there is, it felt very out of nowhere. We’re supposed to suddenly accept that Palpatine survived the fall down the shaft and has been living on life support in a cave making creepy clone Snokes. And like... it seems like the sort of crap he’d pull, so I can buy it and I’m not really too bothered, but wow. I can also get behind Rey being his granddaughter, I thought they dealt with that very well and I surprisingly enjoyed it, but again, it’s very sudden, and also because of the implications of that I have to live with the mental image of Palpatine getting it on with someone and for that alone I could have added another to the ‘negative’ list.

- So... Reylo. I constantly have mixed feelings about Reylo. I’ve very much enjoyed their force bond (one of the only things I did like in TLJ), I love the focus on redemption and good winning out, their dynamic is very interesting and I can see the allure of pairing them because of the balance of light and dark, they just have a fascinating thing going on. But I also can’t help but think about him having tortured her in TFA, and as much as I’m here for redemption and I love Rey’s heart I still think it’s weird how TLJ is like three days later at best yet she’s so ready to look past what he did to her, what he did to Han, and to plenty of other people, and those things still really aren’t acknowledged. We can have redemption without having amnesia lol, especially when those are the things he needs to redeem himself of. By all means, redeem him, I love a good redemption and I’ve found myself far more attached to his character than I would have ever expected, but don’t have Rey immediately ignore the past to do it, and... I don’t know how to feel about that kiss. Part of me liked it (especially his sweet genuine smile), but part of me still kind of goes, ‘Wait... no. Didn’t want this. Not like this.’ It’s not the affection that bothers me at all, but the fact that it’s romantic affection. I love the dynamic that’s been built between them but considering their history I’d prefer that they actually get some footing as proper friends (whether that be before anything else happens, or it just stays that way). Way too sudden for anything romantic. And really I just wish this trilogy hadn’t attempted any new romances at all, because I feel like things would be more meaningful if they were all left to be platonic friendships. There really wasn’t room for couplings in this trilogy and it sours things a bit for me that they tried to fit them in anyway. So tl;dr, I very much enjoy Rey and Ben as a dynamic but I’m more here for a platonic Reylo.

- I get the poignancy of having him use his life force to save her, I understand killing him off, but for ONCE can I have a redeemed character continue to live their new life and figure out how to navigate that? It also makes better sense to have characters like Ben try to pay for their past while they’re still, idk, alive and have the chance to do more. For once. Please. I’m not mad that they did this but I’m tired of redemption=death.

Positive:

- Pretty much everything else. I can’t believe how much I actually liked this movie.

- LANDO CALRISSIAN LANDO CALRISSIAN LANDO CALRISSIAN LANDO CALRISSIAN LANDO CALRISSIAN

- FORCE GHOSTS!!!!! ANAKIN. OBI-WAN. AHSOKA. ALL OF MY FAVORITE JEDI FOLKS. LIGHTS OF MY LIFE. I’VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE THEM THIS ENTIRE TRILOGY AND I FINALLY HAVE THEM EVEN IF THEY’RE JUST VOICES. NEW HAYDEN-AS-ANAKIN CONTENT. I’M OVER THE MOON. Ahsoka must be dead then but I’m overlooking this.

- Whatever the heck they did to use the deleted Carrie Fisher footage to give us more Leia in such a seamless way... hats off.

- Seeing the sequel trio actually all be together and working as a trio. I can finally feel like they’re actually a unit.

- That hug between the three of them at the end, my heart.

- I really do adore Rey. She has such a good heart. Seeing her fight against her ancestry and adamantly trying to be a force for good makes me happy, I love that she believes so strongly in redemption despite her anger, and I love that they still keep character details like her brilliance with mechanics and the way she’ll use scrap to slide down sand hills. I’m so proud of her progress with using the force. Rey is precious and I love her.

- Ugh I love Finn, too. He has a strong spirit and he’s come so far. I love that they delved (or tried to delve) into him being force sensitive as well, and that he has such belief in it now. It made me so happy to see other former Stormtroopers who couldn’t live that life and that Finn can have those people to relate to. Can’t say enough good things about Finn. Very proud of him.

- Interesting learning more of Poe’s past, and I enjoyed getting to watch him try to be a leader in Leia’s absence and feeling like a failure, since I felt he was the least developed of the trio up to this point so I’m happy I have more to go on. He felt a lot more fleshed out in this one and I really appreciated it. I’m glad to be able to say that I genuinely love all of the new trio now, because it used to be that I casually liked them but couldn’t connect. Although I connected to Poe’s love for BB-8 from the start and that’s still going strong. Only he and Anakin have ever truly understood my droid love.

- Always a sucker for redemption arcs. I never used to have many feelings about Ben one way or another, I didn’t feel there was anything in TFA to make me like or dislike him from the get-go because it was too soon to say, but TLJ (for all my issues with it) made me care more about what happened to him, and now this movie got me super invested. Did not see this coming. I’m glad I was able to like him and be emotional about his conflict and his ending.

- Already covered this but I really like Rey and Ben’s dynamic. I loved seeing them use their force bond to their advantage and work so well as a team. And I love that her healing his wound also healed his scar, symbolically healing him of Kylo Ren. GAH.

- Han!!! Just Han.

- CHEWBACCA GETTING A MEDAL. Both incredibly emotional because that’s probably Han’s medal and incredibly satisfying because darn right he deserves a medal! In your face, ceremony scene from A New Hope! Now give them to the droids and I’ll be appeased.

- Chewbacca just generally destroying me. His wailing hurt me even more than Leia’s passing itself did. Did not need that but also thank you. (Why am I such a masochist?)

- C3PO taking one last look at his friends 😭 I cannot tell you how relieved I was that R2 really did have his memory backups, because I was fully prepared to put “C3PO losing his memories!!! 😡” under the negative column. Thank goodness for droid friendship.

- Speaking of droids, new droid! D-O really had little purpose for being there but I’m a sucker for a new cute droid to love so I’m all for him. Bring on all of the new cute droids!

- Really liked that planet with the festival. So many cute baby creatures and I loved the subtle Easter egg of 42 years referencing the original release in 1977.

- Rey healing the snake thing! I’m all for NOT shooting or killing Star Wars creatures, there’s too much of it and it makes me sad (R.I.P. Rancor, so sorry Rancor handler. And I’ve never gotten over Ratts Tyrell and his crying family and I never will. Stop killing Star Wars creatures 2k20). Rey gets me.

- Liked the new characters. Zorri was interesting and Jannah made me emotional.

- With the context of Jannah having been meant to be Lando’s daughter, the scene she has with him in the end has even more to it than on the surface (not that either of them would know, but still), but I really do just appreciate Lando reaching out to a stranger to help her uncover her past and recover her life. Sweetheart.

- I loved that Hux was the spy, and not because he cares one wit about the rebellion but just because he really hates Ben. Talk about petty.

- The fact that Palpatine was behind every voice Ben has ever heard means that he manipulated him his whole life just like he manipulated Anakin and now I hate his guts all over again for the same darn thing. Incredibly satisfying to watch him shrivel away. Screw you Palpatine.

- LUKE AND LEIA FLASHBACK. LEIA TRAINING IN THE FORCE AND OWNING A LIGHTSABER. FINALLY.

- Briefly seeing other old characters like Nien Nunb and Wedge Antilles. That kind of thing just makes my day. Also pretty sure I saw Naboo ships in that enormous fleet and I know I’m never getting Padmé back in any shape or form so I’ll take it.

- Seeing Luke’s old home wrecked me. Seeing the binary sunset wrecked me. Luke and Leia’s force Ghosts wrecked me. Rey calling herself a Skywalker wrecked me. That ending wrecked me.

I think I covered most of it which leads me to my verdict:

I understand why this isn’t popular with everybody. A lot of it is completely dependent on personal taste. Luckily for me it actually was very largely to my taste, somehow, which I never would have seen coming because I’m usually so frustrated with recent things in the big franchises like this, and after TLJ I had no trust. But I was pleasantly surprised and actually pretty satisfied. They hit a lot of nostalgia buttons for me, made me care a lot more about the new characters, made me cry a ton, and generally delivered something I could be pleased with. Don’t know how it happened but I really liked this movie and no matter what people feel about it I don’t think it deserves the sheer vitriol it’s received (there’s criticism and then there’s yikes). I thought it was a pretty good movie and I’d watch it again willingly.

#star wars #the rise of skywalker #spoilers #tros spoilers #sw spoilers #sw: sequels #review

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derekscorner · 5 years

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Between KH2 and KH3, which game did you like more, both story and gameplay-wise?

Ah is this that KH2 vs 3 debate I hear is ongoing? Well if you’re in for a sit I can answer that.

Gameplay:

From this angle I quite bluntly find KH2 Final Mix more fun. I’m not going to argue what was arguably better or worse, gameplay preference is a matter of…well preference no matter how many wish to deny this fact.

Not that you do but I”m sure some lover or hater of one will see this and try to retort. o3ob

Anyway; I felt Kh2 final mix was more technical and “harder” if I had to describe the feeling. Like 3 KH2 is normally overly easy but when put on critical mode it’s technicalities shine.I had to learn tactics, I couldn’t spam X or △, and I learned uses for summons. Which I found ironic since the 2 summons are far more useful when you dont initiate their moves.

Like if I let Stitch wander the screen he’ll deflect projectiles and keep my MP full. Chicken Little is a great early Magnet substitute and Peter Pan+Tinker Bell gives you a Phoenix Down.This was an improvement to KH1 in which only Tinker Bell was a spell with decent combat use. 1′s other summons had more supplemental uses imo.

KH3′s summons were nearly win buttons I felt. Simba in particular, while damn spectacle, felt broken. I never bothered to learn them as I didn’t need them. Which I’m sure they have their own uses but I’m not really fond of many control schemes for them so I opt out of it.

In terms of the magic system I felt 2 and 3 were opposites. In KH3 magic is far too powerful, something many have noted. And while you dont ‘have’ to use it that’s not an excuse for a problem. You should choose not to use it not force yourself to ignore it for challenge.

KH2 on the opposite spectrum made magic nearly useless I felt. Many enemies didn’t stun nor have elemental damage. Fire’s AOE animation was good for early Critical game and Blizzard helps that first Hollow Bastion visit but many enemies shrug the base spells off later.In contrast, KH2′s Magnet and Thunder spells can be OP. Reflect in of itself is practically the only spell you’d ever need to use due to it’s nature.

So while many have long rants on either’s magic system I dont really think one trumps the other. each one is equally flawed with issues I dont see ever being addressed.

In terms of keyblade combat I preferred KH2′s because I felt like Sora was automated in 3. I spam X cause I’m a scrub at timing presses (DMC5 is helping me overcome that) and due to this I noticed real quick that Sora’s combos just felt really automated.

Like I’d press X for one hit and get three. In contrast, KH2′s combat is harder. Sora animates combos as fast as my lazy ass can spam X and I’m not floating around like a final fantasy god.

I’m not really sure how to put this feeling into words but I do feel Kh2 keyblades are funner or snappier to combo whereas in KH3 I’m playing a watered down FFXV with it’s hold/press X for combo string.

Both games are so similar outside this issue that I dont see no reason to list likes or dislikes. If anything, from here, KH3 had great quality of life changes. The menu system was easier on the eyes and I’d be a damned soul if I didn’t admit I like switching keyblades mid-combat.

I also really appreciate KH3 finally using Re:Coded’s keyblade ideas. It’s been there since that DS game yet no one every expanded on making keyblades unique since. It was a very foolish step backward to me.

I love that keyblades level up, I love that each one has a preference and the only way that could’ve been better is if they adapted Coded’s system entirely and gave each keyblade (or most) it’s own unique combo.

KH2 quite frankly just falls short in a hindsight perspective since keyblades were “stat sticks” and you only ever chose weaker ones for an ability. Which, back then, was a huge step up from KH1.

So KH3 wins in this area I also dont really hate on Kh2 for it since KH2 is a product of the era. This idea of keyblades growing with you didn’t happen till Re:Coded.

As for Shotlocks…I dont like them. I hated them in BBS and I hate them here. It’s not even a comparison to KH2 type of opinion. I hate Shotlocks, I never use shotlocks so I’m going to skip those.

I mean sure, KH2 had limits but the only limits I use are Knocksmash so I can’t exactly praise KH2′s half of that either.

And when it comes to Forms vs Transformations I think both have pros and cons the other lacks. For example, some Transformations are really cool, I love the hammer weapons or the dual pistols.

I also believe the staff transformation is what KH2′s wisdom form should’ve been in terms of how it does magic or basic attacks.

That said, I also really dislike many second forms keyblades have. I never evolve the pistols into the bazooka, I never turn the hammer into the drill, I have those second forms. It’s to the extent I prefer keyblades that have one form such as the staff.

I’m also not fond of the Kingdom Key’s 2nd form change. It’s a neat throwback and I love the outfit recolor but I dont find it fun to use.

Between the two games my favorite forms are Valor Form, Anti-Form, and the Staff Transformation. Odds are I wont use anything else unless I feel particularly bored.

I might use others more often if KH3 forced me to rely on them for tactics but as of right now it does not. This may change with 3 gets it’s Critical Mode DLC. Similar to how KH2FM forced me to rely on forms I hate like Wisdom or Final.

As a concept I will admit that I dislike transformations. I dont like the idea of keyblades becoming magical swiss army knives. KH3 pulled the idea off better than I expected but I dont like it all the same.

The only, and I mean only, thing I felt KH2 did better was tie forms to a meter. In KH3 the commands appear randomly (and often) and I dont gain consequences for using them.

In KH2 this was tied to your Drive Gauge. You had to plan what you used and this is an issue I felt KH3 had as a whole. Rather than shotlocks, I’d have preferred that Focus Gauge to be reserved for my summons and forms so that I could have better control of what I picked and to reduce how broken they are in-game.

The rest is miscellaneous opinions so I’ll rapid fire:

Gummi Ships: always hated them, BBS did Gummi Ships best. Point goes to KH3 here since I can at least skip most of it.

Minigames: I’ve never found a KH minigame fun. No one wins here

Worlds: KH3 wins this aspect too. World towns have actual people in them and when it uses original plots the worlds are quite good. I also appreciate the power to explore and soft platform again. It gives me a more immersive feeling than later titles ever have. (although I feel KH1 was still better than both here)(entirely because of how many small details/cameos/secrets a KH1 world had compared to sequels)

I dont really have a more technical opinion than that. I do however think Arendelle was a horrendous world and I hate to even be there. For a myriad of reasons….reasons that would be a rant post of it’s own.

Lil Chef: I never use the food. I dont care if it’s a good spot for ingredients. If I want to cook stuff I’ll do some irl or play FFXV.

Enemies: KH3 used nobodies more than KH2 did and I find that a damn crying shame. I also felt Unversed were underutilized. KH2 still takes the point here due to the combat points I mentioned above.

KH3 fodder is prettier and can be more elaborate but KH2 is funner to play and destroy them in so KH2.

The Disney Rides: I don’t use them, they break the game. I do like the choo choo though since it’s situational to specific battles. KH2 has nothing akin to these so there’s no comparison, I just wish the rides could be disabled or that they worked more like the train. (set to key fights)

KH2 vs KH3 Commands: Eh both aren’t that good. KH3 spams you commands to shift through and KH2 has so many for spectacles sake that the games get easy. There is no winner here, if anything KH2 should’ve restricted these like KH3 restricts the Train ride summon.

Final Fantasy: I dont like FF games but I consider the ones of Kh1 part of the main cast. Their alternate KH selves are important to me. The lack and fading of FF over the years is quite honestly something I dislike and 3′s total lack of them is inexcusable to me. KH2 takes this point since I got to at least meet Leon and crew again.

Then there’s the story.

Anyone that’s followed the blog or met me knows I strongly dislike the direction of KH’s story. It’s not a matter of things others debate, I do not like it. I hate it and I’m still teetering on quitting.

I wont even go into the points cause I’ve made a whole series of posts about my story gripes. I wont link them since this isn’t a shameless plug, I just want to iterate that my issues with the story has driven me to make 20+ tangents plus the older more angry rants.

Others liking it is fine I think, I get easily annoyed if someone tries to excuse something out of nostalgia or adoration, but generally anyone that likes it while admitting faults or agreeing to disagree is fine. (you do you folks)

If I had to rank them I feel KH2 is where a lot of issues started and I feel a lot of issues got worse after since the sequels tried to “fix” that mess. If left alone KH2 would’ve been a poorly written entry and a good stopping point for any disillusioned fan.

KH3 as a contrast tied up everything after 2 up til 3 itself. I do not consider the story good, the pacing is very jarring because it lacks a mid point, it’s weighed down by all the BS prior to it.

I do not feel attachment for the “trios” of the series, I find the repetition of them annoying. I find it a shame most have more dev time than the originals they’re cloned based on.

And I frankly dislike Xehanort as a villain. He’s not interesting, his motives seem to switch with several report entries and I dont eve get the satisfaction of ending him like I did Xemnas or Ansem.

I was entirely indifferent to the entirety of this game’s narrative as I played it. Something that worried my friend @blackosprey because I was so tired I could not even care enough to hate it.

I did fine the trios reunions well done. I dislike them for a list of reasons but they were coming back anyway, their fates sucked prior, so those were well done. I finally felt hype when the LW appeared (only to vanish, fuck you nomura) and in the final battle.

The ending was confusing to me. So many got a happy ending so I fail to see the logic of Sora vanishing. The Luxu reveal, which I found fucking hilarious, was the only sequel bait needed.To have Sora just up and die felt like a stupid decision and I’m sure many more found it insulting.

And when mentioning Luxu I dont mean it in a sarcastic fashion. I genuinely find him funnier in retrospect due to this retroactive change. Nearly every line or scene he’s said is now funny as hell because he’s this ancient troll. I consider it the first legitimately earned twist Nomura has made in ages.

Still, KH2′s writing and story isn’t great either. I could rant why, I have ranted why, but despite it’s flaws it was an “ending” to me.So if asked 2 or 3 I will pick 2. The writing in Kh2 is bad for lots of reasons but if I ignore the Ansem reports it’s no a story about Xehanort.

Ignoring one KH2 report let’s me live this simpler story of Sora and a scientist gone mad and the journey to stop him. It had a lot of stupid things or one of the worst “twists for twists sake” moments ever in the ‘two ansems’ reveal.

But still, I can play Kh2 and be in a KHverse where Xehanorts, Keyblade Wars, Ceremonies, timelines, sleeping worlds, data world abuse, and clones upon clones dont exist.

It’s not nostalgia so much as everything I came to dislike was post KH2. KH3 was all about these things I dont like. My favorite for key and nostalgic reasons is KH1, my pick of the question is Kh2.

KH3′s best assets that can’t be contested was it’s graphical evolution. I played KH3 three times back to back due to this, I came away from KH3 wishing KH1 or 2 looked like this. No game prior contests the look.

So all in all, as I reread this, it’s largely a mixed bag. Neither game is grand but I prefer KH2 because combat is more fun to me and it’s not tied down by a narrative and mythology I’ve come to hate.

I can play KH1, CoM, and KH2 and never be annoyed about something I loved going in a direction I hated.

#kingdom hearts #kh3

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arreisstorm · 5 years

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BTS Paved the Way

Guys this is huge! Not only have BTS been nominated for a 3rd year for Top Social Artist, but they have made history yet again by rightfully earning a second nomination for Top Group/Duo!

Do you understand what the significance of that is? It means that 7 boys, who were once total strangers, courageously made the decision to endure hours of gruelling training, countless years of hate-filled commentary, and their own personal sacrifices in order to form this incredible and inspirational phenomenon, as well as become undeniable global superstars, and because of all their success, plus ARMY's undying love/support, BTS have now played this huge part in helping to pave the way for other Korean and Asian artists who wish to transition into Western media. It's mind-blowing when you think about it.

A couple years ago when BTS was first introduced to the Billboard stage, there were many who reacted in a negative and harsh manner. You see, some believed that the nomination was not fair and either the boys wormed their way into the line-up due to simply a popularity contest, basically saying that they were piggy-backing off the K-Pop industry's existing fame, or, others felt that because of the simple fact they didn't sing complete English versions of their songs, that somehow proved they had no place being involved anywhere near the category they would eventually come to win. Although both outlooks are equally misconstrued in their own ways, I guess there could be some sound arguments to the whole thing.

Now in no way am I agreeing with these opinions, but it is true that BTS had been growing in popularity by the time they received their first BB nomination for Top Social Artist, and this fact probably did end up playing a huge part in why the boys took home the title; however, that doesn't discredit the unfathomable amounts of hard work and passion that was put into every song, album, MV, and stage performance. I think it's pretty clear by now how much planning and effort BTS incorporates with their music, so why shouldn't all of it be rewarded with something meaningful? The award was beyond deserved.

So anyways, flash foward to the next year when BTS found themselves winning yet again for Top Social Artist and the reception was a little less hostile. By this time, Love Yourself: Tear had been gaining love and the album's title song FAKE LOVE had been soaring across the charts. More and more people were becoming fans and the boys began to feel even more love from a combination of both old and new ARMYs. Of course you can't have success without at least some haters, so when BTS did manage to win Top Social Artist for consecutive years, beating out fan favorites and huge contenders, there were those who blamed the Western music industry for "pandering" to outside influences in order to make themselves look good and save face. So due to this reaction, ARMY also came under fire and some even went so far as to start calling us toxic and spiteful, saying that we would slander anyone who voted against or didn't openly support our boys. Although this did happen in some cases, those who chose to act this way were, in fact, not part of the ARMY at all, and instead provided a twisted version of what we are really about. But let me remind you that this is happens with everyone, ARMY are not exclusive in this problematic situation.

Ok, so with that thought aside, let skip ahead to the true reason I decided to write this. So it has been recently announced that BTS have not only been nominated for Top Social Artist for 3 consecutive years, but also they have earned their first nomination that requires more than just a "popularity vote". Being chosen as a nominee for Top Group/Duo means that the music is the main focus, which in turn means that people are now being asked to recognition the importance of BTS as genuine artists and not just 7 pretty faces. That's amazing!

As sad as it is, it's true that Asian artists don't receive as much credibility as American artists when it comes to our country's music industry; that why with this nomination, I'm hoping that BTS could be the catalyst that changes that for the future and for future aspiring Asian artists as well. The above article expands on this when it says,

"...It also reflects the way critics don't think work from boy bands merit serious analysis, let alone the music of Asian artists, who still are underrepresented in the American music industry. This nomination feels like a big step. While their nomination is based on streams and airplay, and not critical praise per se, it shows that fans care about BTS' music as much as they care about their personalities. And when the industry truly understands that (as we saw happen with boy bands dating all the way back to The Beatles), it is a stepping stone to more respect from the industry and critics."

As a supporter of these boys and as an ARMY myself, I can't help but to become emotional while writing this. I keep thinking about how much I know this achievement means and how many years of struggles, doubts, hardships, and trials these boys had to go through to reach this exact moment. I realize for some it might not seem like much, a smaller achievement on the grand scale of everything BTS have going for them as of right now, but this is truly a monumental moment for them. When it comes to K-Pop, there are some bands who have allowed their style and sound to be transformed by outside opinions and criticisms; however, one of the aspects that I respect BTS the most for is their grounded beliefs and the fact that they refuse to let themselves be influenced or manipulated by others. They understand that music is universal, and that no matter the language, if the sound and message is important enough people will listen. They've been doing this from their debut and they will continue to til the very end. BTS are from South Korea, therefore they are going to sing in their native tongue. Yes they might incorporate some English words here and there, but Namjoon has expressed multiple times that, although they do appreciate the advice, BTS will never release a full English album. I would never expect such a thing either and I think it is very commendable for them to say this. I don't think people from different countries should have to cater to the will of Americans, I believe instead, we should appreciate those who are willing to share their language, their culture, and their hearts with us and accept it for what it is. When I see how strongly BTS have chosen to stick to their roots, it gives me even more of a genuine vibe from them. Anyone who listens to their music will see right away that they know who they are, they are confident in their message, and that not even the language barrier can destroy that. They have not worked years practicing and perfecting their craft just to have complete strangers tell them how they should and shouldn't act or speak. This Top Group nomination is blatant proof of that, and the fact that both EXO and GOT7, two other successful Korean groups, are also among the talent to be nominated this year for Top Social Artist is beautiful in its own right. Asian representation is here to stay; recognize it and respect it. ✌

Congrats again to BTS for earning such a monumental nomination and for making history yet again! You 7 never fail to amaze me 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

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anakin-alterverse · 6 years

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First Time (Chapter 3)

Link to first chapter: https://anakin-alterverse.tumblr.com/post/169045958724/first-time-chapter-1

Link to second chapter: https://anakin-alterverse.tumblr.com/post/169095273304/first-time-chapter-2

Don’t know if anyone still reads this but I’m enjoying writing it. I wanted to write more from Ben’s perspective since the last chapter was all Rey, but this turned into a very Rey dominated chapter. Ah well. Also wanted to include some stormpilot into this as that’s another ship from the new trilogy that I’m fond of.

Rey struggles with her forbidden feelings for Ben, her master. Ben however can not notice the turmoil within her as he is pulled back into the world of politics and is forced once again to adopt the persona of a prince.

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“What was I thinking?“ was the main thought Ben Solo had as he pulled on his black ceremonial robes. He had to acquire them earlier that day, with a droid buzzing around him to get his measurements. His old robes no longer fit, which wasn’t surprising.

How long ago was it since he last had to wear anything like this? Ten, fifteen years? No, longer. He was twelve years old when he joined the Jedi Order. Ben looked at himself in the mirror. They were black like his usual robes, though the material was thicker and heavier and embroidered with an intricate silver pattern. The assistant droid had tried to tame his mess of black hair which he usually left ignored, pulling through it to look somewhat respectable. Yes, he looked like a Prince, he could pass for his mother’s son again.

Why had he chosen to do this? Hadn’t he chosen the Jedi Order to avoid this?

He wasn’t quite sure why he volunteered now, but he remembered feeling strong about it back in the Jedi council’s chamber. Was it merely to wipe the smug expression of Carise’s face? Surely not. This wouldn’t have been worth it, even if it did undoubtedly put Rey in a better mood. He had felt the anger rising within her during the whole encounter, which he knew he had to quell before there was an outburst. But there must have been other ways to accomplish that without agreeing to do this...

Was it due to some sense of duty to the Order to assist them when they had need? He didn’t think so, he knew there were plenty of other options the council could have chosen for this mission, so why had he put himself forward?

His comm buzzed, Rey’s voice coming through over slight static “Master, I’m currently at the hangar. We’re meant to be departing in five minutes.”

He hastily picked up the comm “I’m heading down now.”

He slipped his lightsaber into the folds of fabric at his side so that it was concealed and with one final look in the mirror departed for the hangar.

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Rey felt ridiculous standing in the packed hangar in a full ballgown dress. Pilots in crumpled, grease covered overalls bustled about her with purpose, while she stood in the middle of it all in a floor length silk gown which flowed from hues of gold to pink. It was a beautiful dress, no mistaking that, it was definitely the most indulgent piece of clothing Rey had ever worn. But it was way too extravagant for her current settings, and it definitely wasn’t something she would have chosen to wear. It was a little too revealing for her usual tastes, with the gown dipping at the back to the base of her spine, and when she had looked in the mirror she couldn’t recognise herself, which when she considered now was a good thing since she was meant to be in disguise at the gala . Handmaidens had accompanied the dress when it had arrived at her modest bed chambers, insisting that they assist her with changing. She had allowed them, not able to put up too much of a fight after another restless night, and they had swarmed her giggling and gossiping as they pulled her hair into elaborate braids and layered her face with make up.

Now she wished she had been more forceful in turning turning them away as her new look was getting stares from the people around her. She wished she could go inside the ship but Ben had told her to wait outside for him. She addressed her comm to hurry him up, interrupted when one of the pilots whistled at her as he walked past, stopping briefly to take her in, his BB unit making irritated beeping noises. According to the droid they were already late. Luckily Rey recognised him as Poe Dameron, a pilot who had a complicated relationship with her friend Finn. Otherwise she would have used some choice phrases which would have strongly contrasted the ladylike persona she was trying to don tonight. He gave the droid a shrug before regarding Rey “You look dolled up. Have a fancy date too?”

“No, official Jedi business. What do you mean ‘too’?”

“Official Jedi business eh? With Ben?” his eyes gained a glint which looked like his usual flyboy mischief.

“Yes, with Ben. You didn’t answer my question” Rey didn’t feel like having the same conversation with Poe again. He seemed to think there was something more to her and Ben’s relationship, which was ridiculous. Her dreams didn’t count, they were just fantasies. Powerful one’s maybe, but fake all the same.He didn’t have the right to make assumptions about her relationship anyway, considering the turmoil that was his relationship with Finn. For over a year now the two had been in a constant state of flirtation, which even Rey who had no romantic experience could recognise. Recently though Finn had begun courting a young engineer called Rose, which had sent Poe on a frenzy of flings in retaliation.

“If you must know, I am having dinner with a very handsome Twi’lek who was impressed with my flying on the battlefield”

“Really?” replied Rey sardonically, cocking an eyebrow in disbelief. “What does Finn think of your little date?”

His smile simpered slightly at this. “Finn? He was happy for me. At least, that’s the impression I got from the brief encounter we had. I haven’t been able to see him that much lately, he’s been spending a lot of time with that engine girl- Rouge I think her name was?”

“You mean Rose?”

“Yeah...Rose.”

BB8 was making some very rude remarks now, obviously stressed with how late they were. Poe gave the droid a strained look. “Okay, okay, let’s get going.” He turned back to Rey, his usual smirking grin back in place. “Good luck with your mission Rey. Say hello to Ben for me.” He darted off into the crowd before Rey could say her own good bye.

It seemed that Rey was having a very unfortunate week, ‘cause no sooner had Poe disappeared than Lady Carise had emerged from the crowd in a sparkling blue gown, peering around shrewdly. Rey did not have the amount of sleep and patience needed to deal with her today, though Carise didn’t seem to recognise this as she sauntered her way towards her.

“Lady Carise, were you not aware from yesterday’s meeting that your presence was not needed for this mission?”

Carise ignored this, casting her own caustic comment “My my, don’t you look the part? You look every bit the desert sex slave you were destined to be in those rags.”

Rey boiled with anger, opening her mouth to make her retort, only to have her words overlapped by a male voice.

“Do you really think so Lady Carise? My grandmother will be very interested to know what you think of her dress. It was one of her favourites apparently”

Ben strode into the hangar purposefully, his black robes swirling at his feet. Rey felt slightly awestruck as she gazed at him. In those robes he looked the part of a prince. She wondered what he thought of her attire, hoping that she didn’t actually look as ridiculous as she felt. He cast his eyes down her as he stopped to face her and Carise, mouth slightly ajar as if he was about to speak. There was slight colour in his usually pale face. Rey started to feel her own cheeks flush with heat as he continued to stare at her. She was suddenly very thankful for the thick layers of make up which concealed her blush.

Cairse broke the silence, craving Ben’s attention once again and concerned about insulting the former Queen of Naboo “I retract my remarks. They were tactless and unfitting of me, I apologise”

It was only to acknowledge this that Ben pulled away from Rey to address Carise, who seemed unaware that it was Rey who held his attention “Lady Carise, surely you have preparations you should be attending to? The election is in little under a month now, I’m sure you’re sorely needed in the senate.”

Carise looked from Ben to Rey and back again. She seemed upset that she was dismissed so quickly, though there was little she could do since it was the election that she herself used as her own excuse to get out of the mission. “As you wish, your highness. I had merely come down here to wish you luck in your mission.” With this she strolled past Ben towards the exit, but not before fleetingly kissing him on the cheek.

Rey felt a strangled pain in her chest. Maybe there was more to Ben’s and Carise’s relationship than she feared.

#rey x ben solo #rey x kylo #kylo x rey #reylo #reylo fam #reylo trash #reylo fanfic #stormpilot #finnpoe #ben solo #ben x rey #star wars #star wars the last jedi #star wars last jedi #last jedi #tlj #star wars tlj #alternate universe #au

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brendzybee · 7 years

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“Cramps” Lim Changkyun word count : 1,548 ~oOo~ It’s a typical Monday morning and you just badly want to die already or just let the bed eat you alive. Which or which doesn’t really matter already. You were doing just fine the whole weekend but not after Sunday night. ‘Fortunately’ you got your monthly visit, and your visitor is not the nicest bitch of all. It chooses to be a bipolar bitch most of the time, sometimes it’s okay, most of the it’s not. Unluckily today might be one of those days. You woke up feeling so tired and heavy and sleepy and whatever. Instead of getting up right away you decided to snuggle in bed a little more. Contemplating whether to go to school or not. But guess what? You don’t have a choice, since you have a prefinal test in your favorite subject, also known as the subject that you will soon be failing? You groan in your bed when you heard your phone buzzing, yeah, aside from your noisy alarm clocks you have another alarm clock. A human one, a grumpy human one. “If you’re not yet done in 20, I’m leaving you.” Changkyun ‘Greeting sweetly’. “Well, Good morning to you too love, I-” you were about to another sarcastic comment, you heard him sighed and hung-up without even hearing you out. This thing no longer hurt you, its been a while and you’re somewhat getting used to it.

Well Changkyun was your childhood sweetheart and you were his childhood nightmare. Ever since you were kids you already claimed him and asked his parents you will both marry each other someday. Fortunately in your side both parents are so fond of you and supported you all the way. They treated you like their daughter and unfortunately for Changkyun’s side coz his parents are on your side as well. PS. Both of your parents are best of friends. You don’t have any idea why Changkyun dislikes you a lot but you don’t care as well, because you strongly believe that he will soon fall for you or he has fallen for you but doesn’t realized it yet. You were awaken in your daydream when your last alarm, also known as your brother went on screaming “get up”. You forcefully convince yourself to get up and wash up and so on with your daily routine. You didn’t bother wearing make-up, Changkyun won’t notice anyway, especially now that you are late. He will be a mad dog barking at you when you see each other for sure. You giggled thinking about it. Before going down you made sure you take pain relievers with you in case your bad bitch attacks you, but honestly you wish to just stay in bed. Changkyun was already leaning on his car on the driveway, as usual he looked annoyed, constantly checking his watch for the time. “If you’re planning to ditch your first class, don’t drag me with you.” He snapped as he get in the driver’s seat without even opening the door for you. “Well, Thank you again Mr. Gentleman.” You snapped back getting into your seat, you were about to put on your seatbelt but decided not to and acted busy tinkering your bag. Changkyun noticed it after he has started the engine. He just stared at you annoyingly, shaking his head. “Put that on, coz I’m not doing it for you.” He stated firmly, you just smiled at him teasingly showing him the time on your phone, “Well, I can wait till 9am, I don’t have class at 8 anyway.” You lied but soon smiled widely when he hissed but leans in to do your seatbelt. Your heart flutters having him this close to you and yes, he smells so damn nice, so sexy, and so boyish. You are fighting so hard not to kiss his cheek, not wanting to gain another snap from him you decided not to and just settled in staring at his very handsome side profile. You smiled in contentment after he has done your seatbelt, you saw him rolling his eyes and you just giggled. You find it really cute or you just really like him a lot. “Are you always this pale?” He asked without giving you a look. “Are you checking me out now? Are you going to fall for me already?” You asked him teasingly while poking his dimple. “I don’t remember saying that.” He replied and you decided not to rub it, you will just hurt yourself. You just went on getting on your make up kit and started putting on your daily make up routine , just moisturizer , primer, bb cream , eyebrows, eye and lip tint, simple as 1 2 3 and you’re good to go.

The day wasn’t really nice for you, your classmates has been amazingly irritating for unknown reason. Your teacher has been really demanding too for finals is just in few days. And this teacher of yours decided to just slack around and had a film viewing in the Audio Visual Room, on the usual days you like it there, but today you don’t. It’s so cold and it was somewhat one of the reason why you started feeling pain in your lower abdomen. You went out and took your pain reliever and decided not to go back to the AVR since it won’t help your condition. You went back to your empty classroom and curl on your desk, you hate it when you have your period. Pains like this would make you really emotional, thinking about having pain on an empty room with no friends to be there with you. Tears started rolling down your cheeks while trying your best to just fall asleep for a while hoping the pain will be gone when you wake up.

Your class usually ends at 3pm while Changkyun ends at 4pm, It’s already 4:20 and still you’re nowhere to be found near the parking lot and it’s starting to annoy Changkyun. He saw some of your classmates around the campus already but still no sight of you. He started calling you but you are not answering, you were always late but not too late or you always text or call him for your reason or to ask him to wait some more. Out of annoyance he went in and start the engine part of him wanted to just leave and go home on his own already but remembering how pale you were this morning, he started feeling slightly worried. He got out and run to your classroom, it was dark and empty he was about to look somewhere else when he noticed your figure in the far corner with that he entered the room and approached you. Guilt wash over him when he saw your face, you were sweating really hard, curling in your desk, eyes firmly closed. Pain is really evident in your face, tears started streaming down your cheeks again when you felt him caress your face, wiping the sweat on your forehead. “husshh~, don’t cry , I’m here.” You heard him whisper while patting your shoulder. You can’t help but just sob silently, it feels like relieve of having someone after battling pain on your own. You were always like this, you cry a lot when you’re not feeling well. You always miss your mom whenever you’re sick or not feeling well. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting, I thought it will be gone after a nap. I was about to tex-” You reasoned out but Changkyun just hush you and continue patting your shoulder and rubbing your back. He doesn’t really know what to do on situation like this, but to your relieve he was doing more than fine, you felt sleepy again after too much crying and started drifting to sleep. 6:50pm you woke up feeling a little better and you were surprised to wake up and realized your head on Changkyun’s chest, you can feel the slow rising and falling of his chest and his slow breathing as well, his arm is slightly wrap on your shoulder while his other hand is holding your hand, fingers intertwined together. You swear you can cry out of joy again, it was the best feelings. You stayed there starring at his sleeping face. It’s like simply staring at someone and thinking how much you really like and adore him , even if he is not doing anything , even if he is sometimes mean to you. But this is Changkyun, caring gestures from him such as this makes you believe that there is still a hope for you. You giggled imagining how will it be like being kissed by him, willingly kissed by him. “I think you’re feeling okay now since you’re staring too much already.” You were awaken in your daydream when you heard him speak, you just pouted and wrap your arms around his waist. “I’m still sick and in pain, so don’t be mean to me.” You stated snuggling at him, you saw how surprised his expression was. This is your chance to flirt with him physically, thanks to your cramps, now you somewhat wish you have them more when he is around. Your monthly visitor wasn’t a total bitch this time, you think. ~oOo~ A/N: Okay its my first time writing ohohoho <3 Let me hear from you guys. <3 i wrote another one ahahah http://brendzybee.tumblr.com/post/165726451236/10pm

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decoding1432 · 7 years

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Parents & Friends

Some stans have picked sides due to the parent’s behaviour on SM. Just the way some reflect all the hate collected from other stans onto the girls, it’s the same deal when it comes to their parents. Due to the fact that certain people can’t stand them, they decide to whether unstan or throw shit at the girls for it.

If you don’t think all these subtle shade going on is done with a purpose, try to give it a second thought.

The thing with this whole “shading” is that we've got two viewpoints:

From Camila’s side we saw how her parents stopped acknowledging the group & this happened since the fighting days. Now, let's put ourselves in the Cabellos’ shoes for a moment:

Imagine one day your daughter & her bandmates are played such a dirty trick & they cut communication. (Yes, I still believe this is how all went down). Anyway back to our scenario, now thanks to this they are not on speaking terms anymore. Your daughter releases her first solo project. It's important for her. However the people pulling the group strings are setting her in a very dark position. They are painting her in a very negative light in front of her fans.

Around those days, you log into your Twitter account several times & you see one fan turns against her. But as time passes by that one “fan” multiplicates & turns into 10 more haters. Then 50, then 100 & so it goes on & on. The situation worsens. Now, your daughter starts receiving hateful tweets 24/7. Your daughter starts getting sick. Her mental health state is seriously compromised but the people behind her career are doing nothing to help the situation, in fact they are making it more toxic for her. The issue with her bandmates is still not solved. The haters seem unstoppable at this point… Your daughter is mentally exhausted to a point where she describes her anxieties having anxieties.

That continues for a year. Along the way your daughter & her bandmates rekindled their bond. But it’s not all bright again since they must not give that away on camera. Another thing to add is that her bandmates are told not to defend her on SM to make the haters cease. Tell me are you happy with the brand & the poisonous environment they created around your daughter? The answer is obvious.

Let’s take a look at 5H’s angle. The way I see it, you’re a 40-50 year old & you spend your days bashing a 20 year old through Twitter... immaturity at its finest, right?

The tricky aspect here is that the parents’ wishes contradict their actions.

E.g. The parents want hatred to stop. Some like Mama Dre have expressed it & also it’s not even necessary to have this captured on a tweet to understand. Anyhow, they want the hate to cease but they encourage haters with their comments? Logic 2+2= potato

Now, personally the moment Mike started being shady that seemed fishy af to me. We’re talking about the same person that liked C’s departure letter (apparently he unliked it a little after, not really sure). Anyway, even if he didn’t, he was always all about the five girls & one of the non-problematic ones before the mess started unraveling. It makes sense that they started using him, not only to cut all ties with Camren but to influence the stans more strongly as well.

I asked lawyerlarry if this has happened with their boys, using their relatives to mold or push the narrative. This was her answer:

Since we don’t know what type of contract the girls are under we can’t know for sure if the parents are completely obligated. However one thing is for sure, clearly as a parent you’re going to want the best for your kid.

I’m bringing back some points I’ve written about this same subject in a past masterpost…

TV anon: “The thing about the parents is that THEY ARE PARENTS so they are gonna be protective and going to support their child 100%. Now, the moment the girls became legal, the parents are off negotiations or meetings so the only thing they know is what their daughters told them (and we don’t know how restrictive the contract is or even if the girls go and spill full deets to their parents) and you are right, their behavior is very contradictory, even from parents of the same child. Example, Lauren’s parents. Her dad it’s super supportive of the 5 of them and her mom is really over the top, to be honest lol. I have seen them throwing shade and then talking about supporting the 5 of them so maybe the shade is for the label. Or at some point it was for Camila but then they got informed and realized the situation, who knows. Let’s not forget, they don’t belong to the industry so they don’t know how to handle situations like these. Such as their children, they are too emotional. The parents and friends subject is tricky, cause who knows how much they know/or don’t know.”

Every single time I get worried I might be overthinking I return to the question told above: If they know they are only worsening their situation & attracting more toxicity toward their daughters why would they continue with this childish behaviour? Also the girls are not stupid, cause even if these were truly their parents’ actions don’t doubt they wouldn’t stop them.

Once more, this applies to their parents. When it comes to other relatives like Leilani, we're completely unaware of how close she's or not with Dinah, let alone the rest of the girls. She could be throwing shade in order to help them or simply she’s an attention seeker. For all we know a) she could have been told an alternate story along the way b) she is acquainted with only a very small part of the truth c) nothing at all & she knows just as much as we do.

When it comes to friends, let alone not their closest friends, we can coincide that they surely don’t know the story from head to toe but since they’re familiar with the girls at a certain extent they claim to for the sake of rts & attention. Dealing with the parents topic is ambiguous. “I think the parents ought to know everything, don’t fool yourself, why would the girls keep things from them?” Believe it or not, there’s always possibility. Here I consider a list of reasons why it COULD be true:

TV anon couldn’t have said it better…

When the girls became legal, procedures & regulations on the entertainment business gave a 180 degrees turn.

Non-disclosure agreements are a common thing in the industry.

Thus far none of the girls has shaded each other. Although, other people have accomplished a fraction of this “dirty work” for them. Such as friends, crew team members, & their parents. What I’ve caught on this culmination of “bitterness” is that it’s quite contradictory. To elaborate: Lucy shaded Camila around two or three weeks later by liking one IG post that was referring to C as “Canola”. What I found funny is how less than a month before, Lucy literally appeared on Dinah’s livestream hanging with her & Camila at their bus.

When I wrote that, the BB 5H issue hadn’t come out yet. Also these past few days, Lucy has publicly shown her support for Camila on SM. Also let’s add, she isn’t the only connection from Lauren that’s been doing this lately...

Now, some of LAND’s friends have publicly supported C. To me, it hints at the bigger picture that the ladies are in good terms. Some of you might disagree, maybe you consider they’re not friends any longer. Fine that’s your POV, but I don’t share that perspective. Not because I refuse to let go OT5 or anything remotely similar, but like I’ve said numerous times before, the fact that the girls knew about C leaving since 2015 & all the moments we had along 2016 I consider it a sign that they were able to somewhat fix whatever issues they had a year before.

Even if you agree or not with me on their current friendship status, you can’t deny the following: LAND doesn’t speak badly about Camila bts unlike what media wants to make us believe.

(Fun fact: Josh liked the following two days after the split announcement)

Enough with Josh (he stans Camila hard lol) Let’s check the rest of their friends...

I would insert here the videos of Simone & Sydney jamming to CITC, unfortunately I couldn’t download them but that doesn’t me we must not take them into account as well.

Next one might not be recent but reminder that Normani wrote as part of those thoughts: “I have love and respect for all four of my bandmates whether you choose to believe it or not” “I have to address foolishness manufactured by those that have absolutely no idea what goes on” “For those who enjoy speculating and creating drama that doesn’t exist, please keep in mind that myself and the other girls in the group are PEOPLE” etc...

Out of all their friends or people they’ve worked with, in my opinion, when Angie (their temporary guitarist after Ashlee left) commented on C’s IG post is the one proof that I would take over any of the above to pinpoint that THIS...

...doesn’t reflect any of THIS...

In conclusion, I believe that the relatives & some friends are attempting to help the girls as much as they can. I repeat, it’s uncertain how much the girls are allowed to tell them. But some things are undeniably true... They (parents & friends) know how fucked up this business is, they have seen how much the 5 ladies have struggled in these past years. If there’s something they can’t do, is stop this madness. They can’t break the system, they can’t protect them from this industry. But they can try to fulfill part of the “dirty work”, otherwise I’m sure it would have to come directly from the girls. Don’t judge them, they are willing to do anything if it means taking some of the burden off of the girls’ shoulders. How do I know this latter? Cause I might only be a fan but I would do it too.

Question: if you had a friend or a relative in they industry, would you doubt putting yourself in the spotlight for a second in order to give them a hand?

P.S. Alejandro liked Clara’s “shady” tweet that was supposedly aimed at Camila.

#sorry if it took too long but i've been trying to put my life in order #hope you enjoyed it #next time you choose to call out their parents think about how much they love their kids

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atomicsurvivor-isleofskye · 6 years

Text

Ep. 9 - “gosh this sucks moose” - Jake D.

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169132233901/individual-immunity-4-who-said-that

So all went according to plan. JG went home and everyone we tried to get to vote with us did. However this tribal did show that if someone wanted an easy vote to betray people I’ll be it. This tribal also probably marks the end of my fake idol play, no one would believe my now.

I’m happy jg’s gone but feel really sad that Heather feels completely alone in this game i knew I couldn’t let her know about the vote for my own good but she’s really taking it hard and it really sucks hopefully she can continue to trust me and we can make it far in the game together but idk how things will go from here on out

But on a different note can I just say iolaire had some of the strongest player of this season and I’m so happy to have been one of them it’s trully been a struggle and I would have never imagined making it this far when I first started

Ok so I was so worried that either me or Tara were going to get voted out. I was extra messy and befriended heather to find out what the other side's plans would be. Then, I got them to switch the votes to Stephen because if it was Tara they might have had the numbers. I also talked to Aundra and even though he really wants Stephen gone he still voted with us. At this point I need to lay low because I've been in the spotlight too much. Luckily JG is gone because he would have went hard against me! If I'm really getting voted out next I would want Tara to have my idol. She's a really good player I trust her so much she's my BFF!!!! I hope she backstabs me when the time is right.

Ik this is confession overload but IM SO EXCITED TO DO THIS CHALLENGE. I remember my first game seeing this get played and I was so jealous and now I’m here playing it! This experience has littered been a dream come true I’ve met awesome people and played a very good game in my opinion an this has just been really fun I’m really enjoying myself. And what’s made my experience more worth it is being hosted by Jay and Ali they finally get to see what they possibly saw in me the first time they asked me to play and I let them down I’ve redeemed myself largely and happy they’ve got to see it happen and I hope that they’re proud.

Host Note: We are.

very tired of voting in the minority gosh this sucks moose, im gonna hafta tryhard on this immunity, however its not easy to determine some of these quotes because i dont socialize with all of them reguarly so its gonna take educated guesses, if i dont win i could leave

https://youtu.be/rM29GgGKMHI

Wow. Didn't know I was going to be a villian in this season, but I'm honestly perfectly fine with that.

I was playing a mini survivor org with tara and becka and I kinda overreacted and got pissed at tara when she was just kidding around and I hope I didn't damage our friendship over this. Sometimes I don't trust her because she's such a troll and I question her loyalty in the games we play. It is so confusing because I want to support her in whatever she wants to do but I also really enjoy playing the game with her as an ally. I dont want it to end! So if she wants to blindside me I'd be happy for her but I'd also be CRUSHED. And the thought of blindsiding her before she blindsides me is tempting me way too much!!! Why does she have to be such a troll sometimes ajdshfkjashdf. LET ME LIVE TARA!!!

Welp, my answers are terrible for the challenge. I might have been better if people would actually talk to me first instead of me scouting to save my ass. See ya at Ponderosa. Or not.... hopefully not

I just wanted to say Incase it wasn’t obvious in any way Tara and I are like the bestest friends and have been a tight union this entire game even though she tried to vote me out and flipped on me at the beginning she and I are close and have planned on going to final 2 since day one and we seem to be on path to furfill that goal if we do I would say we are one of the strongest she’s to play this game simply because it was pulled off

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169164002976/immunity-results-with-a-score-of-920

My my, Tara won immunity. I've been warn she might turn but that's okay. Ain is keeping me updated on the other side and apparently they think Stephen and I are tight?!? Like uh excuse me. We're only working bc our goals are alike. O well, we shall see

So I would have preferred if I had won immunity because the further into the game we get, the more likely it is I will he blindsided. And from what I can tell I don’t think theres a possibility for me to blindside my alliance because Jake and Heather and even Aundra would much rather blindside me than work with me. But at least Heather didn’t win, because shes an easy vote for my alliance and a huge pain in the backside, ruining my reputation.

Can I not be a comp flop for once and actually win something I even used a 20% advantage I HATE! anyway I’m glad Tara won she’s cute but I NEEDED IMMUNITY SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!! Heather bb why do you think I’m not likely to win if I get to the end? It’s true but I’m mad you think that??? I HAVE PLAYED SUCH A GOOD GAME!!! IT ONLY GOT MESSY WHEN SAORSA JOINED US!! I deserve some RECOGNITION! I LITERALLY TRICKED ALL OF YOU GUYS INTO VOTING STEPHEN AND GOT JG OUT!!!! AND NOW YOU STILL WANT TO WORK WITH ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! Do you think it’s easy flipping Aundra? HMM? Do you think it’s easy trying to figure out if rebecka is a threat or not or if she’s telling the truth?? Do you think it was easy talking to JG when he only developed a personality at the Olivia vote???? And do you think it’s easy working with Stephen?? Vi??? Stephen doesn’t talk much and idek what vi is doing in the game?? Why is she so nice to us? Why won’t she play the game? I DONT KNOW BUT IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE HER ON MY SIDE. Also I even got Olivia to trust me and spill all her plans which I used to turn people against her!!!! THIS WAS WHEN YOU GUYS WERE IN THE MAJORITY. I would understand if you were deciding between Tara and i that you’d go for Tara because she’s literally amazing BUT we have been playing similar games!!!!! We found idols together!!! We flip people together!! And we get into fake alliances together!!! I SHOULD AT LEAST MAKE IT A LITTLE HARD FOR YOU TO DECIDE BETWEEN US!! I hope I get to f2 just so I can prove you wrong !! That is if I don’t leave next asdgjklljhgfss

Welp I guess my only choice rn is to trust Aundra Ain Tara and Jake. Whoopdie fucking do

Tara is a QUEEN!!!!!! I? am going to bring her to f2 and then SELF EVICT !!!! Its iconic I know. Jay dont kick me out im just kidding tara whomst?

So I’ve figured out my game plan from here till the end, and the next two votes i think might be the most dangerous ones. But even if I don’t get voted out I might not be able to bring the goats i want to the end because Jake refuses to talk to me. At all. He does know its a social game yes?

Looks like my optimistic fairy dust from the moors has already worn off, because I am scared for this week. I don't trust anyone in my new "final five" alliance and no one has really said anything to me, it makes me think I am the one going home. I went to the moors seeing as it is possibly my only chance at survival and I got nothing. I can definitely see myself going tonight, but I am not going to stop trying to stay. I want to stay here and if that means doing anything it takes I am willing. There is no plan on who to get out as of now, so I am completely lost at the moment.

Happy New Years everyone!! Im still drunk from last night. I think I might go home tonight but it's ok Bc it's just a game!! Love u all I am gonna take a nap now ❤️

Meant to post this a while ago https://drive.google.com/open?id=1xaPbW7F1trOxb-YUptDItsUe3d5Wz1qr

Tara is really annoying me right now. She really wants rebecka gone and I don't even know why. Getting Heather out now seems like the safest option to me! We don't make anyone suspicious of us. Aundra/Jake already know by now we're the majority so I don't think they would be too surprised. Then we can go on ahead at final 7 to blindside rebecka and stephen. We gain back the trust of Aundra and then vote stephen out next. It'll be PERFECT. BUT SHE DOESNT GET IT. She wants to do rebecka first and then stephen will be pissed??? He's gonna want to flip the vote on us and it's gonna be JG level chaos! I'm TIRED and I don't want to stress out at f7 when it could have been an easy blindside with least worrying and campaigning. Everyone would be ready to vote rebecka out with us then. Idgi. I also do not want Heather in the game she keeps me on edge! I'm sure she'll be going hard every time to win immunity and advantages. This is the best time to get her out. I wish Tara would listen to me for ONCE and let me have my way instead of being so STUBBORN!!! Like I love and support her but I need to get my way sometimes too!!!!! This has been a rant.

ya known getting this far in an org reminded me of how mentally wearing it can be, i can't imagine how drained the actual players feel having little food and being in the changing weather conditions, i suppose im just venting because im sad it could be a potential loss, but im not giving up!

ain always bitches about me and its kinda rude! like i get u don't want us to seem close btu um telling ppl i'm gonna win in ftc no thanks xoxo

I’ve openly campaigned ALL DAY to save Heather simply because she doesn’t deserve to be going home I really feel like she is getting robbed and it’s so annoying that I can’t control a vote for once and now heather is going home because of it another annoying thing is that these people don’t want to get Stephen out all they have to do is vote him out yet they’ve decided against it tbh I should’ve just let him get voted out when it wa going to happen it was somewhat nice to get to know him but i still strongly want to get him out

It has been brought to my attention that I am a "threat" who has a lot of "advantages" because people told me where some used to be. I have one advantage, but I am not going to say that. I sent Rebecka some quoted things that people have said about her being a threat. She said she will vote Ain with me but I don't know for sure if she will vote with me. This is my last effort to stay in this game, and it could screw me over, but it is a risk I am willing to take. Ain will not get any votes in jury and I will make sure of it when I get to ponderosa, her game has been messy at best. Yes I may be saying this out of anger, but it is called jury management and so far she has turned her back on every person in the jury minus maybe Tim. Aundra told me he loved bitter juries, well I may be that bitter jury member to Ain. Love you girlie but also, buh bye.

Praying to the survivor gods JGs dead vote goes to Ain for SOME REASON

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169206013441/merge-tribal-4

Heather voted out 5-2-1-1

#ALostPuppyDog #episodes

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fmlfpl · 7 years

Photo

Lineup Lamentations - GW11

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

*Warning* By far the longest lambs from Walsh that he's ever written. Lotta action - read at your peril or delight.

WALSH (on Bench Boost)

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Jesus, Morata & Chlobah

IN (for -4 points): Vardy, Firmino & Sane

I'd like to think this slate of moves is a compromise of sorts. My best friend Alon initially was very strongly backing Vardy for me. I'm not 100% convinced, but, with Jesus on for yet another mid-week price drop I fired on it. Would wait to figure out what else to do another day.

As options continued to be bandied about, a fork in the road was approached. My best friend Alon cautioned me against taking a -4 and instead preferred I hold Morata and get Zaha instead of Sane. Instead, I took a -4 because I don't think I wanted to live with myself another GW in not owning Sane. He has emerged as potentially the best midfielder in the game and I want to have fun with everyone else. If I went for Zaha in that spot, I'd have no real way of getting to Sane unless I did a lateral City mid to City mid swap which doesn't feel good....since they are all great.

I needed to make funds somewhere, and my eye was cast upon young Alvaro. I still think Morata will come good with goals in the medium term - but - with that said, I don't think he represents great value since I will never captain him. Chelsea are also kind of a fucked up mess so I don't feel that bad getting rid, and it's also a nice time to dodge his likely 2 pointer against United.

I am not in love with Firmino in this moment, especially since he will be out wide tomorrow with Sturridge starting, but basically I am still just backing Liverpool on the incoming run of good fixtures. They look to be approaching full fitness from a squad perspective after the international break and I think Firmino at 8.5 is still value. His stats haven't been great but he is still usually around most of what they do... I said when I took him out in GW6 that he would be back and that day has come. The fixture doesn't get better than at an injury ravaged West Ham so hopefully Liverpool fucking dismantle them and he pays back the hit straight away.

I now am completely in love with the way my money is spread in the front 7. I have Kane and 6 players all at 8m and up so it feels likely that I will be raking in points from some places each week. This is the by far the happiest I've been with my team all season.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No lineup decisions to make this weekend since I am on BENCH BOOST. I have been shouting on the pod throughout the season here and there that I was going to use it in a single gameweek and so I will try to articulate my thinking now:

For one, I think the free hit chip will be better used in a DGW rather than the blank GW. When we get realistically 2 good DGWs per season and the triple cap is obviously to be used in one of them I'd rather use the free hit on the other one instead of the bench boost.

Blank gameweeks are easy to navigate. We generally know what fixtures will be on and off well in advance of the given blank gameweek, for one. Because of this we are able to plan accordingly to get at least 8 guys out. Additionally, the teams that are usually involved in the blank gameweek are shitty teams as any sides who have advanced in the FA Cup are those whose fixtures get postponed. I'd rather focus on getting in players who will play in the blank around the fringes of my side with free transfers rather than use the valuable chip to get in a bunch of WBA and Stoke players who are all bad anyway. In my personal experiences over the past two seasons, bench boosting during a DGW has come in with a horrendously low point total. We already are pissing into the wind guessing who will start both games of DGWs, and, I found myself WCing into teams with the bench boost in mind to set myself up to look "good" for the BB DGW but then not look as good for the coming weeks - blinded by getting in only players who have two fixtures on the double. It hasn't worked well. Often times the cheaper guys available late on in the season who are involved in the DGWs do not have two good fixtures. Maybe 1 good 1 bad or 1 good 1 decent.

Then there is the question of which fixture that player will play in if not both. The bench boost gives you your 2nd GK, 5th mid, and 4th and 5th defenders in. To me, if you get 8 points or more the bench boost should be deemed a success. Realistically we will always have 2 defenders who are under 5m - and so on mid-table sides - when we'd be lucky to pick a clean sheet up. 2nd GK also, generally a 4.0 guy..in this case Elliot..where we'd also be lucky to pick a clean sheet up. 5th mid is a spot with some more upside if you spend 5.5m or something, but then is it worth spunking extra funds on that spot later in the season on WC just for 1 week? I have found no. It takes money off the pitch for the subsequent weeks. I am not saying this is "correct" or that there is a right way to use this chip. It is entirely possible that you BB into dreams of 20 points on the DGW if you hit it right. I have 15 fit players right now, and the fringes of my side this week - the aforementioned spots on my team - all have good fixtures. So I think I have a reasonable chance of getting somewhere between 10-16 points off the chip this week. Additionally, after the international break is when fixtures start to pileup with midweeks coming in and Europe still in effect for top sides. This GW feels like one where there will not be much surprise rotation or omissions from a side's best XI. The timing feels good to me. We'll see how it goes when the games have been played.

For those keeping score at home, the players who will be coming in from my bench this weekend are: Foster hud, Dunk swa, Francis newc, and Stephens swa. I have 3 clean sheet shouts there. If 1 comes in - I'm golden. If 2 come in - I'm flying. If 3 come in - it's dreamland.

Full team with writeup below.

GK:

Elliot and Rafa welcome Bournemouth. The Cherries look pretty fucked injury-wise with Stan out...and hopefully King still out. Rafa has been tight at home so a clean feels pretty good here. Foster goes to Huddy. West Brom have also been a fucked up mess but I still back Pulis to go play tight on the road against a team I still think is shit. Huddersfield should have a hard time finding space and playing against West Brom so it's another game where I think a clean could come in.

DEF:

Phil Jones love of my life auto. Suddenly becoming a bap machine he is the best defender in the game by miles to me.

Naughton welcomes Brighton to the Liberty. Swansea have been a bit unpredictable but they are still playing well defensively and I don't think a Glenn Murray led attack really inspires much fear into anyone. He might be playing as wingback if Clement goes three at the back which would be nice, although he hasn't done so much at home. Either way, a clean feels good here.

SWard at Soton is a dream fixture. Soton are utter shit.

Dunk going at Swansea too - so obviously hoping for a 0-0 in that one. Swansea are pretty bad at scoring goals, and I think this game will largely be played in the middle third with plenty of turnovers in the final third since both of these team's kinda suck at attacking.

Lastly, Franno at Newc - another 0-0 I would kill for - could come off. Bournemouth have been poor, but not awful. They haven't been conceding boatloads, but just enough 1 goalish type games to not hit on cleans. Joselu is bad, Newc are bad at scoring goals, and I think this game will look very similar to Swansea v Brighton. A lot of middle third, a lot of throw ins, a lot of fuck in the final third.

MID:

Triple City mid is finally in place. Dilva, Raz, & Sane here we go. It is realistic that one of Raz or Sane may be rested, but realistically, I expect him to play his best lineup and that includes both of them. Their pace against Arsenal's high line should be on the pitch. Another cheeky look at the three City mids is if/when they all start I'm on for 3 clean sheet points which is nearly like having a defender in as well when they keep cleans. Love that.

Salah is to my midfield as Jones is to my defense. Good lad.

Finally, piece of shit Stephens goes. Hopefully he doesn't pick up a card and just trickles in a couple of points for me. Wish I had someone like RLC in here but meh. 5th mid is shit.

FWD:

New faces and new friends off the back of my transfers. Alongside Kane go Vardz and Bobby Firm.

Leicester looked electric under Puel last weekend so I get where Alon is coming from with being high on Vardy. The new formation really looks perfect at getting the most out of the personnel at his disposal. Stoke are generally a shambles, although they do not tend to let up many at home. Vardy still feels good, though, and someone who I think will represent great value at his price over the near term.

Firmino discussed above, just hoping that Liverpool fuck Bilic upside down. 4-0 not out of the question in that fixture to me.

CAP:

Salah. As you know, dearest reader and friend, I don't cap against Palace so Harold does not get my armband. Salah has looked on form and I think West Ham will have a hard time dealing with him. Risky week to go off Kane but at least I own him so as long as Salah stays within a few points of him it won't be the end of the world. Of course, a Kane hat and Salah blank will leave me in the dumps, but decisions like these are always on a knife edge. It could go the other way and I go up five million places. Not quite, but you get the idea. Let's go.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Lacazette

IN: King Harold of Kane

Thanks for nothing Laca flocka flame. Simple move and my Wildcard team was always designed for this swap as I kept the money in the bank for it. Not much to say on Harold, he’s the best player in FPL, just titted Real Madrid, home against Palace. Yep.

GK:

DDG will never leave this spot. I should just copy and paste it. All fixtures are good for Mou and his buses.

DEF:

So my kiss of death lives on. It was hard to imagine me killing all 15 players on Wildcard last week so I duno how my kiss of death works but it seems that Toby is the only one who I kissed.. or killed? I’m confusing myself with language... Anyway he is fucked and out but hopefully he can return to me after international break but for now I’m starting a 3-4-3 which is a bummer because that means I’m starting Jordan Ayew. But ok on to defenders:

Phil Jones just rinse and repeat what I said above RE: de Gea. All fixtures are good defensive fixtures for this team and he’s a BAP magnet and still fucking cheap too. It’s ridiculous how good he’s been this FPL season. Wish I’d’ve capped him every week.

Lejeune I’m very enthused about - he was a post-lambs change to my wildcard team in for Daniels. He’s really fucking good. He is going to score some goals this year by nature of winning every fucking header on the pitch. And his baseline bonus points are out of control. He’s just really really good and watching him closely vs Burnley (despite no clean) last week got me even more pumped for him. He might be the best 4.4 defender in the game but we’ll see. Don’t feel great about Bournemouth this week but hoping...

And lastly Duffy go on. Another good cheap guy and a testament to this price structure / formation. Brighton are a tight outfit and at Swans is a terrific fixture so let’s get some fucking cleans and BAPs. Duffy is just the better version of Dunk RE: attacking potential and bonus for 0.1 more. He’s a good lad.

MID:

My midfield feels very very strong. Only guy “missing” is Raz but ya know, I can’t have 6 midfielders so I feel great with my five (starting four).

Leading the line is Salah’s salad and Liverpool taking on West Ham. I think Walsh is spot on to highlight West Ham and their defensive frailty. Could fuck’em sideways this week but who knows. No Phil, Mane (off bench maybe), Gini, Lallana.. Missing a lot of guys. But Salah has been MoTM in more matches then not this year - he’s just fantastic. He will tit again.

Silva / Sané and Man. City should continue to thrill. And as you heard on pod I’m not deterred by back to back blanks from Silva I still think that he’s a completely fantastic FPL pick and has the stats to back it. He’s nice and rested from UCL and will keep ticking I believe. Sané just have to hope starts, as he should do. Just go look at that third goal vs. Napoli holy fuck what a run by him. Let’s.

Lastly Richarlison. Richarligate. Profarligate. Profligate. Heh... Sorry Rich just taking the piss. Yeah he fucks up good chances for fun. Many sitters and misses and whatever. He’s still really fucking good though. And still the standout budget mid I’d say with great fixtures to boot. Love him and Watford at Goodison running at Jags and Ash. Should shred’em. Go on Rich.

FWD:

Jordan Ayew gets a rare start but ok he does a job. At least it’s a “good” fixture. If Brighton and Duffy fail to keep it clean like I want then hopefully it’s Jordan who undos them. His stats are... Oookkaaaaayyyy but maybe in dog years (AKA for a Swansea player) that’s good? Like 2 shots on target in the last 4 Swansea matches in dog years means he’s actually shooting a lot. What am I talking about? Moving on...

Kane and Kun. Kun and Kane. Best two guys in all of FPL future and past. I gave my Kun sermon on this week’s pod and in last week’s wildcard lambs. TLDR I think he’s the main man at City and firmly ahead of Jesus. And when Kun is the main man you get Kun in FPL.

Kane looked energetic and good in what I saw / read of the Real Madrid match. And then good Poch news putting the injury behind feels good. Kane is auto.

CAP:

Unfortunately for people in my same situation I offer you no clarity here on cap. I just don’t fucking know yet. I need to maybe actually flip a three sided coin. Or ask somebody dumb. Kun vs. Kane vs. Salad. Really really tough. I need more time. I can’t decide now. Who are you going with? Fucking hell.

#FML FPL #FMLFPL #FPL #Lineup Lamentations #Fantasy Premier League

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