#anyway yee this is the list of AUs/themes I have so far

[a-hobbit-snorting-coffee-grinds]

My Modern LotR AU Headcanons

Saw these floating around and wanted to give this a go :) Basing my ideas from both the books and films lol.

Gandalf

High school science teacher. His classes are known to catch things on fire.

Has illegal fireworks. He’ll launch the ones that go into the air in areas that do not allow it, then proceed to run from the law.

Pyromaniac.

Use to be sophisticated and only smoke pipes, but after meeting Pippin he chain smokes.

He is no longer allowed to be a chaperone on school field trips of any grade level. 

Owns 10 flashlights and 20 of those mini key flashlights.  

Very thorough in his research, making sure all resources are reliable.

That professor that doesn’t allow Wikipedia as a reliable source.

Aragorn

He still hasn’t washed his hair in two weeks.

He either gets way into politics or doesn’t think twice about them, there is no in between.

Spends most of his money on hospital bills.

City slicker who wants to be a cowboy. Wanna ride the horses and yee-haw.

Probably has seen and can list every cowboy movie in existence

Camps three times a month. And by camping we mean survival mode. No tents, no sleeping bags, just some basic tools.

Surprisingly good motivational speaker.

Legolas

Lives in the woods, but in one of those large fancy cabins. Isolated from the city but is far from being redneck.

Uses a lot of skin care and hair products.

Uses the same make-up palette and refuses to change. Doesn’t need to use it anyways because he’s angelic.

He brought his hair straightener to Aragorn’s survival camping trip.

Dad owns a large and well-known winery.

Mix of sneaky boi to socially awkward.

Seems chill but very competitive at board games. He treats Settles of Catan like it’s a life-or-death situation.

Gimli

Beard makes him mistaken for a redneck

Knows 100 or more ways to kill a man

Big DIY crafting man. Works with wood, metal, you name it.

Legolas has the hair product but Gimli is the ultimate braid master and hair stylist.

Probably believes government conspiracy theories. 

He doesn’t know how not to curse.

Beats Legolas at chess every. single. time. Very smug about it.

Has no idea how technology works.

Probably has 20 guns or something.

Boromir

Probably was in the military

Tired & stressed 24/7

Would try to legally adopt Merry and Pippin but can’t cause their parents are not dead. Also Merry recently became a legal adult. Maybe next time for Pippin.

He loves dogs. Has an ex-police German Shepherd who was injured. People thought the dog would be too much of a threat because trauma but Boromir understand. They are very close.

Debates all the time with Aragorn about politics. They never come to an agreement. But they respect each other.

Chugs black coffee like there is no tomorrow.

He and Gimli talk about weapons sometimes.

Obsessed with The Mandalorian

Frodo

Asexual aromantic all the way. But he will kiss his friends on the cheek, offer them hugs. Only to those he is close to though. He’s a very soft gentleman.

Rich kid who inherited his stuff from his cousin Bilbo.

Spends a lot of time in the library. If not, he’ll go on hikes.

Doesn’t like to go to pools or swim because of his parents’ death. Beaches are fine to stay on the sand, but he doesn’t like lakes.

Probably an English major.

Childhood friends with Sam as the Gamgees are family friends.

Has strong feelings about politics but often keeps them to himself.

He and Rosie team up to gently push Sam to do what he wants to do because that boy is such a reserved humble bean.

Sam

Is to take over his family’s gardening business

Was probably homeschooled

Straight because as my friend once stated, “only straight men have 13 kids”

Hates politics

Isn’t allowed to have a gun because he’d shoot anyone who is threat to his friends/family

Probably plays guitar and writes songs, but never shares them because he doesn’t think they’re good. But they are

Plays Animal Crossing on the Switch and has the best garden on there. “It’s not how it works in real life, but I like it :)”

Merry

The man is flirts with everyone but is heteromantic asexual.

An absolute history nerd

Is the “That is not correct. Because according the encyclopedia of the lssspspsps-” vine

He and his cousin Pippin probably committed arson by accident. It’s a long story

He knows more than he lets on

When he’s older, be becomes a cool history professor who probably vapes during his lectures

Writes famous book about the history of weed basically. Second famous is other history books

He and Estella are so sassy back and forth that it’s a wonder how those two got together

Quotes memes 24/7

Pippin

Steals Gandalf’s illegal fireworks

Wii Sports theme music

Both the  “I don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets” and the free taco vine.

Loves Merry in storge or philia way because they are cousins.

Screams “nerd” anytime Merry says something history related.

Rich kid with unhealthy addiction to Starbucks.

Why is this child drinking caffeine

Awkward finger guns when complimented

Self-deprecating humor

Will only watch Disney or Dreamworks animated films.

Does two-man show of Shrek with Merry.

Gollum

Florida man

Still runs around in nothing but a thong

Probably hides drugs in his thong.

I’d do more but I think this post is long enough. Maybe I’ll do part 2? Not sure lol

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