#anyway sorry. I am ranting but I'm not tagging anything so it just stays on my blog and for my poor followers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kahuna-burger · 8 months

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Sorry I couldn't finish this in the event window, but I will keep plugging on it and put it on AO3 eventually.

Oh Oh Those Summer Nights

Warnings : None

Pairing : Hydra husbands (of course)

Characters : Brock Rumlow, Jack Rollins, Jasper Sitwell, Phil Coulson, mostly unnamed STRIKE team OCs

Other tags : Pre canon, mild identity porn, under cover operations, SHIELD compartmentalizing like crazy, implied homophobia, possible internalized homophobia, epistolary (email), unreliable narrator due to epistolary and homophobia

Summary : Tell Email me more! Tell Email me more!

Chapter 1 : Happened So Fast https://www.tumblr.com/kahuna-burger/727100817162797056/

Chapter 2 : Had me a blast https://www.tumblr.com/kahuna-burger/727218990297055232/

Chapter 3 : Met a girl, cute as can be https://www.tumblr.com/kahuna-burger/727405419318984705/

Chapter 4 : Met a girl, crazy for me

https://www.tumblr.com/kahuna-burger/727672322363932672/

Chapter 5 : I showed off, splashing around

To : <shitheads>

From : [email protected]

Re : Wishing Coulson would spy on my emails

This entire assignment is bullshit. Sure we don't always get told the "why"s of our missions, but with STRIKE I know what the mission is! I'm supposed to be on surveillance, but who am I surveilling? Just keep an eye on the area. What am I on the lookout for? Oh, just stay alert to your surroundings. What the fuck makes this area even of interest? That's classified! Yeah, that's right, not only am I not looking for anyone or anything specific, I can't even know the most general of reasons to be here. Fuck every compartment of this organization.

*deep breathing exercises from the shrinks* Okay, pissbaby rant over. Dream Customer (henceforth D.C.) has been back a few times now, and the most recent visit she was in the attraction when another customer fucked up. It's an indoor underwater setup, which is your only identifying info and I WILL be checking you fuckers' search histories, so be good. Anyway, some dumb fuck tried to get into an area they obviously shouldn't have and snagged their hoses. Genius, huh? Unfortunately, we aren't allowed to let fuckheads die with the consequences of their actions, so I had to go sort it out before there was an insurance hassle.

But when I got to him, D.C. was there, stopping him from moving and fucking up his gear any more, AND had managed to hold the tube in place temporarily. Fucking rockstar, she saw what I wanted to do with the emergency mask right away and helped get him untangled so I could pull him out easier. Of course, then I was stuck dealing with the asshole and paperwork on him for the rest of the shift, but I am officially fucking head over heels guys, I cannot deal with this level of competence along with looks and a decent personality.

But of course, since I don't have any idea who the damned people of interest even are on this fucked up op, I can't actually risk asking her out for a drink, because she might end up being someone we move on! So, we're back to fucking SHIELD in all available configurations.

Glad to hear Lee's follow up procedure went well, but only because it brings me one step closer to escaping this mindfuck of an assignment. Get well soon, or else.

***

To : <gamma>

From : [email protected]

Re : wow

Had some excitement at the attraction, which I really do like and am not just stalking Robin. (More excitement than this so called assignment, I'll tell you that.)

So it's a caving adventure of sorts (I think there's enough of those not to be accidentally identifying) and the crew gears everyone and makes them demonstrate skills before they go in (that's where I usually see Robin, though sometimes they switch roles around.) But someone ahead of me got tangled up and then made it worse panicking.

I pressed the panic button on the gear and was keeping him from flailing while trying to figure out how someone was gonna get him out without injury (it was in a narrow section) when the whole wall opened up and Robin was right there with an emergency kit.

And okay, I already liked her, even though I didn't know how much was the whole public facing persona, but we've moved up to a whole other level now. She just took charge instantly, gave quick clear directions in a really chaotic situation, and had the guy clipped to an emergency line and out of there in literal seconds. Stone cold professional in what was probably the first crisis at the attraction. I gotta ask her out, this is no longer optional.

Oh, and I put down my money on "morlocks/mole men/other underground uprising" in the new pool, cause I figured it wasn't any less likely than alien invasion but I would be one the only ones on it if it won.

-Jack

***

To : [email protected]

From : [email protected]

Re : Just this once.

Since your clearance increase from being made a STRIKE Commander has gone through, and having no contacts on this mission is clearly more stressful than we anticipated, I am giving you access to the level three briefing.

To summarize, we have reason to believe that this area could be subject to an extra-human instigated attack in the next three months. To avoid panic or excessive non-SHIELD interest, prestaged assets have been infiltrated rather than stationed in a temporary compound, and it has been presented as a surveillance operation to everyone below command level.

You can therefore consider yourself on standby, and do not need to be any more suspicious than your norm of local humans. (Continue to report suspected extra-humans through the normal channels.)

Thank you for your continued professionalism.

-Phil Couson, SHIELD

Attachment(s) : Area5lvl3

#email me more! email me more!#hydrahusbandssummer2023 #hydra husbands #brock rumlow #jack rollins #chapter 5

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jiangwanyinscatmom · 1 year

Note

Hey everyone Dragonfly's back! Had to stay away for a while due to a 2 week-focused on the national exam here in Brazil and- OH HOLY FUCK WHAT'S GOING ON Sees all the JC stans overcrowding our tags Fuck I gotta weed out these people wait a sec.

Proceeds with a blocking spree

Now that that's dealt with, how have you been Ava? I feel like things were honestly awful with the huge amount of flux from twitter JC stans in here.

I usually woulnd't mind them if they weren't filling the tag with hate for the people who view JC as the villain he truly is and just how much of a babie sad character he is. Specially when they throw hate at WWX for it too and it just makes me sad.

I even saw someone who said "Did we even read the same book lol JC sacrified so much for WWX" and "If I were in JC's position I would do the same too" And I'm like: DID WE REALLY READ THE SAME BOOK???? Like- they're willing to do genocide? Supporting the death of fucking innocents?????? How little empathy can you have for others just to put a villain in a Pedestal?

Don't get me wrong, I love villain characters (Sauron's my favorite villain of all time) but, yknow, I'm not calling him a babygirl and trying to justify his actions because, guess what, they're wrong.

Anyways, I'm sorry about this tiny rant but i REALLY needed to vent after seeing some nasty ass comments and everyone just posting CQL and Merchandise stuff which is CLEARLY meant to paint JC in a greater light, to, yknow, sell stuff.

And if they keep appearing I'll just block these new people, if we don't interact with them, then they'll start losing interest (I hope). Sending lots of love and hugs for these tiring times in the fandom, damn Twitter for giving people this much spite. Dragonfly out! - 🐉🦋

This too shall pass, little dragonfly... I am also glad to hear you have passed your exams, I hope you treated yourself well during it and can now focus on something nice.

They can very easily enjoy their own takes as far as I'm concerned, I'm not stopping them. But if they can insist they can make Jiang Cheng a babygirl submissively breedable mary sue, I can mock that same thing as well. Fandom interaction is 50/50 now isn't it? There's the nice little feature of being able to block, as I do since I'm petty and anything Jiang Cheng UwU annoys me enough to block even if it's a reblog and tag only comments (｡･ω･｡)

And my little bubble is the same as always and treating me well, I can only be grateful for the opportunities that make it better! And sitting here in sad withering as I have yet to see Qi Ye get translation news (eyes sevenseas in judgement again).

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pr1ncessm00n · 2 years

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Update!!

Hi, everyone!! thank you so much for all the support and compassion. i'm sorry i've been kinda MIA for two days lol. that's kind of shitty of me to just not drop an update on Sunday and then disappear. but here's an in depth explanation as to wtf i've been doing and whats going to happen!! tw: heartbreak, depression, academic struggles

so obviously most of my chapter got deleted. i am actually almost done with rewriting it and i think it shaped out to be better than what i had previously written. i think by at least the end of the week it should be out, and it's VERY long just to make up for sunday's non update!! so i've been working a lot but thankfully my days off start tomorrow. i have a lot fo academic stress bc of some personal issues regarding my school quite literally fucking my schedule up and pushing my estimated graduation date back by oh... a few fucking months! great! literally hate that !! so ive been running around like a headless chicken trying to fix what wasn't my fault. sigh, i guess it should be resolved in a week or so, but as you can imagine i am so stressed about it. what makes me angrier is that it was not my own error. like to have to fix an issue that i did not cause?? i swear the staff at my school makes our experience harder not easier.

secondly, don't be fooled lol. i am writing this with tears down my face listening to harry styles and the aot season 3/4 theme song endings on repeat for almost 30 minutes because i had to end my 4 year relationship. that's a whole story for another day, but i don't think i will be okay mentally for a long time. he was my best friend and my first real love, so yeah. i might make our own love story into a fic or something just to cope but as for now thats another thing i have to deal with now!! my heart hurts a lot !! it's always the things you least expect. the worst part is it really isn't either of ours faults... or choice. i don't want to go into too much detail because even tho he's not on here and y'all don't know him, i want to respect his privacy. but the main reason is he has become very depressed, and even though i tried to help him as much as i could theres just some things you can't fix as a partner. i wish so much that i could take his pain away but i can't, i just can't.

sorry for that weird rant lol. it was a mutual decision, but it still hurts regardless lol. he was my bestfriend and lover in one, and i don't know how im going to continue my boring routine without him lol. but don't worry, i'll still be writing. if anything i'll probably write more. it distracts me, soothes me and is. great outlet. i don't plan on abandoning tumblr anytime soon lol.

thank you all so much for the support you guys are seriously the best group of people/fandom space i have witnessed in all my years as a fangirl. and i was around for 2014 tumblr so thats saying something. you guys have motivated me a lot to write more and improve, and i actually feel heard on this tiny blog (altho u have managed to make it not so tiny any more in the span of such a short few months?? im literally at 420 followers and i was at 300 a few weeks ago?? wow. im also about to hit 500 notes oh god.) you guys have literally given me so much inspiration and im so grateful for the friendships ive made already!! i have plenty of requests in my inbox to work on as well. im also creating a tag system so stay tuned!!

anyways, i feel so blessed to have such attentive followers and readers and you guys literally make me laugh everyday. its not just about notes or followers to me, but its so amazing how through tiny screens we can all share our love for some 2d characters and how for some reason my writing has struck a nerve with some of you. i love you all <3

emi

#pr1ncessm00npsas

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kojinnie · 3 years

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Something About Pain | Reiner Braun

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Reader (she/her pronoun)

Summary: You ran away from home and your boyfriend Reiner Braun is desperate to bring you home. When the two of you meet, you share a conversation about how pain inflicts the two of you differently.

Tags & Warning: Angst, (eventual) fluff, (mild) hurt/comfort, slow burn, major miscommunication problem, past trauma, abandonment issue, mention of anxiety, Reiner is a grumpy, hurt individual yet delicate inside | SFW

Word Count: 4.5K

A/N: Based on the request by @okubean for Twisted Match-Up! I hope you like it, boo! (More A/N at the end of the fic)

.::My Masterlist::.

Twisted Match-Up (x Reader): Zeke | Hange | Jean

There was a vivid look of worry on the face of Reiner Braun as he drove through the empty neighborhood streets. His right hand on the steering wheel, the other one tapping anxiously on the phone, dialing the same number over and over again to no avail.

All of his calls had gone straight to your mailbox, and his text messages were no longer delivered. Reiner came to realize that you've blocked him. "Idiot," he muttered to himself, cursing this whole modern affinity to accommodate people running from their problems easier. Reiner thought the feature was the stupidest thing ever created by humankind, he was pissed, but more annoyed. He realized how tired he was, and if he could, he'd rather be in bed right now. Not roaming your friend's neighborhood at ungodly hour.

"Where... the fuck... are you..." he was pissed, evident from the grunt as he tried one final desperate attempt to call you. It went straight to your mailbox. Your cheery voice didn't make him feel any better, if any, Reiner wished he could tell the mailbox-you to shut the hell up.

Reiner finally hit the brake, sighing annoyed. His black SUV stopped underneath the streetlamp, at a random neighborhood he could only vaguely remember. He had been here before, when he picked you up from your bestfriend's house after one of your "night out" with your friends from college, but he could barely remember which one of these identical suburban houses did she live.

He rested his forehead on the steering wheel, racking his brain trying to remember the house number. Is this even the correct cul-de-sac? There are tens others. Who the fuck came up with the concept of suburban housing? Strips and strips of uniformed houses. And even worse, who the fuck thought that it was such a great idea to live in one? Like some Stepford Wives nightmare. Reiner couldn't believe some people would save up money for all their lives to pay off their mortgage to live in complete conformity, like a communist utopia with capitalist credit system. Were these people right in the head or had their brains fucked over by the boring 9 to 5 jobs they've had for decades?

That's beside the point. Reiner sighed. He ranted a lot when frustrated.

He knew you'd be there, in one of these houses, curled up crying in your bestfriend's bed, perhaps pouring your heart out on how much of a bad boyfriend Reiner was. He knew because you've passed the micro-aggression millionth times, muttering under your breath, saying that you'd be fine if Reiner kicks you out because your bestfriend would take you. What kind of fuckery was all that? Why would he ever kick you out? Reiner thought. He was clueless. Why were you so adamant that he would leave you eventually? Reiner could feel his annoyance grew while reminiscing your antics. He began to think, maybe he had never understood you to begin with.

But Reiner was wrong, because he was right about a lot of things about you. You were exactly in your bestfriend's house, curled up in her bed, ranting how hard it was being with Reiner. Although the tears had dried since hours ago. You were in your PJs and drinking the hot coco your friend had made you, comfortable in the bliss of obliviousness upon the fact that your boyfriend of one year was now driving aimlessly trying to locate your position. You were adamant that he was going to leave you anyway, you thought he wouldn't exert an ounce of energy trying to plea you home.

It was 4 AM in the morning and you hadn't come home. The trace of you had gone completely from Reiner's apartment since early morning. Reiner knew that this was bound to happen, had he done anything differently - would you stay? He thought of you and the state that the two of you had been tangled in. All the unresolved tension, or the persistent insinuations coming from you that you always shrugged off in the end, saying "Nothing." as if it did not matter, each time Reiner shot them with, "What did you say?"

You sipped your hot coco and let a troubled whimper as you told your bestfriend what was happening. It's the culmination of small things, your feeling of inadequacy and the anxiety of waking up every morning, being convinced that each day would be the day that Reiner finally leaves you. Every day you’d be mentally preparing yourself for the ultimate fate until Reiner returns home with his big, warm hug until your anxiety caves in. And that the anxiety would appear again in the next morning.

The idea of him leaving became incessant and you could never bug it off. You wondered why, maybe because you believed that you were inherently flawed. Maybe it's the way Reiner made that small "Tsk," when he came home to see the garbage piled up, "Babe, didn't I tell you to put out the garbage?"; or the deep, annoyed and condescending sighs he made when he missed his favorite show because you forgot to pay the cable bills while he was out at the office.

Maybe it's the way you couldn't match his sharp memory and reliability with you constantly forgetting things and your seeming inattentiveness despite the abundant reminders, notes and alarms you've made to keep yourself alerted. At times, your mind just wandered, and you needed him to rope you back in, but he never got the gist.

So, you were adamant that you had grown to be nothing but inconvenience for him, hence when he spent the night over at his office due to what he called "Shit load of work" over the phone, you were certain he wouldn't come back at all. You knew that the pain of being abandoned would haunt you to myriad of miseries, so you'd rather leave first. You knew it would be the end you both needed, because you knew Reiner did not care about you enough to tolerate your shit any longer. He was always quiet, there was hardly ever any expression on his face, God knows what he was thinking underneath. Each of your "Reiner, I'm sorry." would only be met by a singular hum or a quick, "It's okay." that left you wondering, did he ever mean it at all?

So that morning you left. While he was still at the office, because you knew there was no feelings strong enough for Reiner to keep him from leaving you eventually. You left first.

Your bestfriend nodded in reassurance, "You gotta do what you gotta do." she said pulling you into a warmly hug, but your attention was suddenly caught by the pile of plastics and packages from your take-outs at the corner of your friend's room. It just bothered your mind, and you got up to take it out. A small token of atonement to what you wish you had done to Reiner.

Your bestfriend immediately scrambled and took the garbage away from you. Insisting for you to stay in bed and let her take care of it. You nodded and retreated to the pillow fortress. You felt bad for her because the temperature was dropping, and there was no necessity to take the garbage out right now, but your impulse was often hard to subside, and your friend had grown to acknowledge and take sympathy over that. Unlike Reiner, you thought.

Maybe it's because Reiner never shown anyone openly about what he felt, but what you did not know, sometimes he wish he had. Sometimes he wished he'd opened up about how hard it is for him to breathe when unfortunate things occur that he did not have the answer to. Sometime he wished he could share his fear, worry, anger and disappointment, but he was always thought that a man got to suck it up, and perseverance was the only way he knew how to survive.

Sometimes he wished he had told somebody that the constant worrying about his loved ones consumed him too, to the point it became hard for him to let his guard down even when things are okay. He was always on alert, and sometimes it got exhausting too for him. He wished he had told all that, so in times like these he did not have to assume the heartbreak alone while trying to find the solution to it. Sometimes he wished people knew that he cared too, he loved too, he knew too when someone he loved was struggling, but he never learned how to show it. Reiner knew your mind often raced hundreds of miles per hour, Reiner knew your state of agitation, but he never had anyone to teach him how affection should look like, other than be of service, which he tried his best at being. It was no wonder that Reiner was left clueless when you chose to leave without warning.

He was pissed because he knew how daft he was, yet none of it was ever intentional. He cursed himself for not knowing what went wrong, for not being more observant, for not being open with his feelings, for not telling you how much he had grown to love you and how much his apartment immediately grew cold at your absence. But mostly, at this moment, he cursed himself because he wasn't attentive enough to know you friend's house number.

The air was crisp when your bestfriend stepped out of her porch. She made quick steps to the garbage can when she saw bright headlights coming in from the end of the street. She grunted, wondering what was her neighbor doing, cruising around with dramatically low speed. It seemed odd.

She put her fingers above her eyes, trying to recognize the plate number or the driver, but the black SUV lights were dispersing her sight.

She closed the garbage can and tried to immediately return inside but the car cruised closer and pulled over in front of her. The window rolled open.

"Hey," There was an immediate look of surprise from the person that Reiner barely recognized. But he was sure enough that it was her, judging from her body language; all tensed and alerted, "This is Reiner."

For a moment, there was an awkward silence between Reiner and your bestfriend. She was considering carefully on what to say next.

"Uhm yeah, I know." Your bestfriend finally spoke, her voice creaked, caught by surprise. "What do you want?"

Reiner spoke your name, "I want to meet my girlfriend." Reiner could hear the desperation in his own voice, but your friend jeered in response.

"My girlfriend." she passingly mocked the way Reiner spoke, she came to dislike what she thought was possessiveness in Reiner's nature of speaking, "She's not available. I suggest you to scram. Before my neighbors complain."

Reiner furrowed his brows in dismay, couldn't seem to understand the hostility presented by your friend, "I need to talk to her."

She stood unyielding. Reiner opened the door and climbed off of the car, sighing as he walked closer, propelling your friend to keep her distance away even further. "Please, let me talk to her."

"Not a chance." She turned around and scurried back into the house. Reiner was quick to yell, to her expected dismissal. Without thinking further, Reiner got back to behind the wheel and moved his car forward on to the curb, proceeding to close off the exit way for her small city car in the driveway.

Reiner jumped off the car as your besfriend realized what he had done, "I'm not moving the car until she comes down."

She let out a restraint shrieked, "What the fuck?! I got a dentist appointment tomorrow morning!"

"Then please, tell her to come down and talk to me," Reiner said, sounding almost apologetic. He threw a glance at a lonely swing set in the small park across the street, "there."

The occurrence happening before your eyes was unexpected to say the least. You closed the small slit from your bestfriend's window fold, trying to manage your heartbeat that had become almost deafening. At the same time your bestfriend appeared from the door, face red with flustered, "I think he really wants to see you."

Thousands of thoughts made a commotion in your head. It did not make any sense. You made it easier for Reiner by walking away with clean slate, you were sure this was what he had hoped secretly.

Your friend shuffled inside and shot you a deep stare, she sighed heavily and told you that whether you liked it or not, you had to face him. Reiner looked genuinely worried, she said, twisting your guts even further.

You sat in her bed for a moment, trying to relive every waking moment with Reiner. Sure there were moments when your own thoughts chased you into a deep corner and you wished Reiner had seen it. Sometimes you wished he’d hold you tight, kiss you with reassurance and told you how meaningful you were to him. Sure, sometimes being with Reiner could feel lonely, but he had never treated you back nor was he ever intentionally mean to you. What do I want? The question hung heavy in your mind.

I want him to say that he wants me, the voice within the nook of your brain said, I want him to say that he loves me.

You nodded, finally ceasing from running away further.

Reiner never thought that at his 20-something he would sit miserably on a random swing-set at a random neighborhood just an hour before the dusk cracked. Reiner was a big man, but even with his figure and the aid of his tailored suit and shirt, wrinkled after gruesome hours at work trying to keep his company afloat on the thin ice of his personal relationship with you – Reiner was tired, and miserable, and desperate. Even more, he was cold as the temperature continued to drop down.

He hung his head low, trying to fight the shivers. It was quiet, too quiet, only the faint sound of the wind and the creaking sound of the swing-set holding off to its dear life under Reiner’s massive weight. The man sighed, never he thought that the sight of you coming out of someone’s house in the dead of a night would be a spectacle he looked forward to the most.

He closed his eyes, shutting himself off from any sound and thought. Thinking that maybe in the bleakness of his sense, the time would pass faster and your heart would soften.

In the nothingness Reiner could feel a sudden warmth crept from the tips of his fingers, he opened his eyes to see you standing before his eyes, towering him who was sitting like a pathetic boy on the swing. You were wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, hiding your PJs underneath. In your hands were two cups of scalding tea, you shoved one into his hand, “You came.” You stated.

Reiner let out a deep sigh of relief as he saw you safe and sound. He felt warmth travelled across his body, he did not know whether it was the tea in his hand or simply the sight of you that made him felt so. His eyes latched on to you as you sat on the swing next to him, “Hey. What are you doing?” Reiner asked.

“Running away.”

“Why?”

Reiner looked at you intently, and the guilt started to consume you. You gazed afar, softly shook your head, “Dunno.”

“I see.”

Yet another silence ensued.

“How’s work?”

Reiner sighed again; the heavy breath seemed to be the only way the two of you communicated. Just two troubled minds pouring their burden at each other, “Bertholdt abruptly resigned—fuck, it’s been a nightmare, but—” Reiner pressured his thumb over his brows, trying to ease his sharp migraine that suddenly came, “—that doesn’t matter now. Will you come home?”

He looked at you again, you were still gazing to god-knows-what, everything other than his eyes. Reiner grew antsy on his seat, the swing creaked again. Please look at me. Please look at me. The words resonated incessantly in Reiner’s head but nothing came out of his mouth. Just a stoic, to-the-point question.

Don’t you wanna know the problem, Reiner? Is that all? I said I don’t know and you didn’t even try to dig in deeper? You came all the way here and you just straight up asking me to go home with you? Your mind was nowhere better. It’s in uproar but there was only silence coming out of your mouth. But he came, he didn’t leave. Contradiction danced inside your mind like an unwanted guest.

The silence grew heavier. You saw the lights from your bestfriend’s bedroom lit off, she had got to be tired eventually. Suddenly, you felt so alone. Just the two of you in this odd morning.

“It’s hard, right?” Reiner broke the silence, he looked at you again, this time he was desperate for you to look into his eyes. Little did he know, you were refusing to do so because you could feel your fragility forming in your eyes. You swore not to cry.

“What?” Just a depthless answer you uttered.

“Growing up.” Reiner muttered. The man sounded almost contemplative in his defeat. He sighed again and shook his head, “I thought I’d be someone better by this time in my life.”

The answer surprised you. You thought he would say something like ‘Relationship is hard’ or some jargons he picked up from one of the movies he watched without you. You felt bad for undermining him just because you were upset with him. Does it really mirror your true perception of him? Maybe you really hadn’t known him that well.

You had no resolve to his statement, so you just nodded, allowing him to pour out his thoughts.

“I thought I’d be better with my job, with myself, and most importantly,” he shifted to lurch towards you on his seat, the wire strings of the swing twisted to your direction, “with the people I love. But obviously, I still… suck.”

“And here I am. 4 AM. A fucking adult on a fucking neighborhood swing-set.”

You could feel the air suctioned out of your lungs, as you felt guilt loomed bigger inside you. He came and he felt bad – what more could I ask for? But then you remembered the nights of loneliness despite having Reiner sleeping next to you. You had a bad day, but you were too prideful to come clean. You wanted him to be intuitive, but he never did. Being with Reiner, you had mastered the art of crying in silence while sharing the bed with him. It’s exhausting. Yeah, Rei, maybe you’re bad at this.

Despite that, you stayed silent.

“Will you hate me if I say I don’t know what’s wrong?” Reiner knew how daft he sounded, “God. I’m pushing my luck coming clean at you.”

You were at loss for words. You had so many things to say, but too few of a courage.

Reiner called your name. He reached over and tried to tangle one of your fingers with his. From your periphery sight, you could see him forcing a smile, “I—”

He sighed again. Reiner’s chest was filled with words and all he wanted was to vomit it out, but he never knew how to properly addressed the feelings he had—he couldn’t even describe what he felt. All he knew was one thing: he wanted you home, back in his arms, “I am a stupid man. I really don’t know what’s happening between us. You.. just.. gone. Please, just tell me what’s wrong. I’m not smart enough for all these..”

There was almost a childish plea in Reiner’s words, and you couldn’t help but to threw a faint smile. You chuckled, “What did you say? You’re—what?”

He scoffed at himself, “I am stupid.”

You finally caved in because you realized there was an undeniable genuineness in the way he spoke. And the sentiment was mutual, you felt stupid as well for you had not realized how completely, utterly, truly clueless Reiner was.

Eventually, you looked at him. His hardened face quickly turned wary to finally see how puffy your eyes were from crying earlier, you forced a smile, but it was clear you were pretending, “You make me feel so lonely sometimes.”

The words came out of your mouth like a canonball that had been stuck in your chest for too long. You felt relief, but on the other side, Reiner could feel his heart broke. A pain from a man realizing too late of the damage he had caused.

You thought of everything that had made you feel so. The way Reiner rolled over in bed away from you, drowsy and unaware, when you called him in the dead night as your anxiety kicked in; when his hand let you go as you tried to hold his hands in public; the complete non-existing mention of you in his social media; the take-outs that he mindlessly brought home when you had cooked dinner; his easiness in dropping a problem after he said sorry without checking up with you further.

It was the absent of his intuition that made you felt invisible – but you realized too late that maybe he was truly oblivious, evident as he said, “But how?”

“You really don’t know?”

“Babe,” he further tangled your fingers into his grasp. Your hand and his, they hung in the middle of the two swing seats, “I swear on my mother’s grave.”

“I’ve always thought you wanted to leave me but never got the right moment to it. The affection—I hardly ever got it from you. Not the affirming words, not the reassurance. Hell, maybe I want that public kiss and hugs that you thought was stupid, Rei. Just—”

You could feel the tears forming, choking you mercilessly, “—just to feel loved. To feel wanted. For once.”

You finally let your tears dropped. And Reiner was slapped with realities that both of you were in. He let go of your hand and stared down at the pavement, “I’m sorry. I never knew.”

“You never asked.”

“But I never knew. How am I supposed to know that I should ask when I didn’t know I should ask on the first place? I’ve always thought you wanted to be left alone when all your crazy thoughts come in—but you—”

“—you—"

Reiner groaned, obviously frustrated. He rested the blabber, “Maybe we’re just not good at this.”

Like a train, you could feel the ending coming to hit you. This is it. This is it. You thought to yourself, picturing how Reiner would finally leave you. You secretly wished Reiner wouldn’t give in, you wish he’d put up more fight, so at least you’d know that you carried a weight in his heart. But you knew this was bound to happen, so why were you so upset?

“Maybe.” You wiped your tears dry, “That’s okay, Reiner. I know that’s what I am.”

“What?”

“I’m just an embarkation point, right? Everyone will leave me eventually. That’s why I left, because I know eventually, we’ll be talking about this. So I’d better leave first.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Reiner grew even more frustrated with the way you danced around your words.

“It’s okay if you want to leave me. That’s what all people do to me.”

“You left because you think I was planning to leave you all along?” Reiner asked, sounding painfully offended as he finally got to gather what you were insinuating, “So that is the problem?”

“Yeah, so I better leave first, right? Before I get hurt again? Before you leave me like other people and—”

“Fuck other people!” Reiner raised his voice, which he immediately regretted. He ran his fingers over his hair irritated, turning it into a complete blond mess, “Are you trying to avenge your revenge for other people—those exes you’ve had—on me?”

Tears welled up again in your eyes, as you looked away from him. But he called on your name again, this time there was a deep sternness in his call that you couldn’t help but to face him. Reiner was glad that you finally gained courage to speak the truth, when he had not, “So you want reassurance, yeah? How about the times I told you how beautiful, how smart, how great you are – only for you to tell yourself the opposite immediately.”

Reiner looked directly into your eyes, “I can’t make you something you’re not. What you are is who you think you are.”

“You can never matter – if you don’t think you do.”

An expressionless, soundless tear fell onto your cheek. A heart broke to your dismay. Reiner finally said the truth and there was no way you could delude yourself into thinking that he was wrong, “Then… why don’t you just leave me, Rei? Why don’t you get rid of me a long time ago?”

“Because I’m giving you something that I never received in my entire life, ever. I’m staying for you.” There was a palpable pain in the way Reiner spoke. He landed his finger on to your heart and you could feel it pierced through your skin with heavy realization, “I’m staying. Like no one ever did in my life. Not my ex-girlfriends, not my friends, and certainly not my father. That’s what makes us different. I have more faith in you than you have in me.”

Reiner was a man with heavy heart. He had been through a lot of things in his life, learned how to fend on for himself since very young, and dreamed of the day when he could finally put his hair down with someone he cared for. And what you hadn’t realize, was how essentially similar you were to him. How both of you longed for someone to let go of your inhibitions and fear? Just two broken people finding refuge in each other’s longing for the same thing. And that’s what you failed to see. He understood you, just in a way you didn’t understand.

And that’s the thing about pain, they are inherently personal. No matter how much you have shared yourself to others.

The two of you went dead silent for a moment. In the horizon, the sun rays were starting to emerge, the morning had arrived. Your tears cascaded painfully slow; Reiner was looking at his feet trying to sip his tea that had gone cold. His hands were trembling with both sadness and anger that were beginning to secede.

Reiner finally called your name, this time it was delicate, “I’m sorry, alright?”

You looked at him with tears in your eyes as you nodded, “Alright.”

“Will you come home, now?”

“Yes,” you muttered, “I think I will.”

The two of you got up and Reiner immediately drew you into his chest, holding you the tightest you had ever been held, reconnecting all the broken pieces scattered inside you. You buried your face into his strong chest as you sobbed once more, while he kissed the top of your head with affection more vivid than thousands of words of affirmations.

“What do we do with these hearts, Rei?” You asked as you felt your chest throbbing with pain and love.

The man loosened his embrace and smiled, “Persevere.”

A/N:

First of all thank you so much to @okubean for giving me a hellish prompt! This one really made me faced my own abandonment issue and poured it into a writing. I tried to touch about the absent-mindedness as the implication of ADHD but I’m really worried that it doesn’t really do it justice. So hereby my sincere apologies! 😭🙏

Nonetheless, I really hope that you may enjoy this piece and I’m so sorry if it comes off as boring!

I literally drafted this on the metro, and got really carried away with it!

Did I enjoy it? (Yes)

Did this turn out longer than I expected? (Yes)

Am I worried this will bore people? (Yes)

#reiner braun x reader #reiner x reader #reiner fluff #reiner angst #aot reiner #snk reiner #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan fanfiction #aot #snk #aot fanfiction

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msgrumpygills · 3 years

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Hi.. So I'm gonna be honest and say I don't follow you, I tend to stay away from anti blogs but you pop up quite a lot in the tags that I do look through and recently I've been reading a lot of your takes on the mess that was Saturday's convention, and have found you to be the most level headed of all the posts I've seen on the events that transpired. I normally stay out of fandom drama, just better for my high blood pressure, but this weekend seemed to get so many people up in a frenzy I thought Jensen went nude on stage... Anyway, I personally feel that everyone gets offended by everything these men do no matter what it is. They could agree and give the fans everything want down to last gumdrop and people would shit on them for being ass kissers. They could spill the tea and they would hate them for throwing shade at a fave. They can remain silent and the fandom would demand they speak up. Not to mention how many suddenly develop degrees in psychology and become experts in reading body language, speech patterns, and facial expressions of men they only know through their public personas. I don't know about you or them but who I am depends on who I am around and who I feel comfortable being myself with. I have a public, personal, and private persona. I'm guessing it's the same with j2, so we can't gauge who they are and what they feel and think based of a thirty minute video. As for the mess that was their answers, I think people look for reasons to hate and be offended in just about anything. No matter how they answered, or didn't, some group would have found reason to be offended and hurt. If that's how the fandom feels, why are you still here? Why are you wasting time, energy, and money on them, on the show and the events. Move on, find something new. They're still around and have the platform they are on cause "fans" give it to them. Can't do a convention and say dumb shit if no one buys tickets. Can't have a hit show if no one watches. Can't have a career if no one watches you. IF you hate them and are hurt and offended by them so much, stop paying attention to them. Stop highlighting them to the point of trending. Sorry for my rant but I had to tell someone... Discussion and disagreement is welcomed.

Hi there! I apologize if my posts pop up a lot. I’m not sure how to feel about that! XD

I absolutely agree that someone somewhere will be offended by something they do. It’s like a hobby for some people. Most of the time, it’s easy to just brush off the handful of people who want to find something “offensive” like it’s a treasure, but when it’s a larger portion of the fandom, it just ruins it for everyone. It’s not just the Supernatural fandom either, there are bad eggs in every group, but these eggs just happen to be bigger.

I do agree about having a personal, private and public persona for sure! I’m a different person depending on who I’m around. I think it’s probably the same for them and to me (not an expert) it seemed like they were all trying to come off as close brothers but it just got too uncomfortable. Even if you’re not an expert, if you compare a convention video of J2 especially from last year (before Covid obviously) and watch the video from this convention, there’s a big difference.

Again, I also agree about people getting offended over everything. There was never going to be a “good” answer, but I do think Jensen had at least a neutral answer that seemed like it was trying to be respectful. Jared.....went off the rails.

I think a lot of the “fans” in the fandom just thrive on starting drama and being pissed off at these guys. Maybe it’s their only hobby? I know I’m sounding like a hypocrite, but at least I’m not in the fandom acting like this.

You’re always welcome to rant here! <3

#grumpy answers #con stuff #jensen ackles #anti jared padalecki #anti stans

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sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years

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Hola holaaaaa, mi querida Wendy!

Cómo estuvo tu día? Espero que muy bien!

I've started to pay a look and organise the recipes. Hopefully, by Saturday evening, I'll have already shared ones with you. Also, I'm thinking about a surprise for you!

So, about the art gallery you live near to, what is it like? What is the new exhibition going to be like? And, do you have a garden where you are currently living?

My ideal pizza is the one with a lot of onion and mushrooms on it! I really love topping my food with mushrooms 🤤🤤🤤

If you ever have the possibility of trying lemon pie ice-cream just do it (insert Shia Labeouf's meme here).

I've never tried blackberries. I don't know if we produce them here (I mean, there surely has to be some farms that do that but they surely are expensive too 😖😣).

I tried raspberries once. Actually, one of my favourite vodka flavours is raspberries 😝🤤! Their taste reminds me of chewing gum! Do you drink alcohol?

I'm really sorry that your Cancun trip didn't go the way you wanted to! But I really hope you can go there! My aunt, uncle and cousins were planning on going there this November. I don't know if their plan is still standing, though!

Again, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR IS BLUE. It's mine too!!!! But I haven't think about the exactly blue I like. I should check that out! By the way, your favourite blue is really cute! 💙 I also like green a lottttt!

Between jazz and classical, I'd choose jazz, although I have little to none knowledge about both of them. I only know what I listen from movies or series and that's all. But, if you have suggestions, I'll happy to listen!

I'm a coffee person. Definitely! However, I don't mind at all to try different tea flavours! I sometimes drink strawberry tea and peach tea. I once tried jasmine tea and it was really good! Here, we have something call mate (now that I know how to use hyperlinks I'll be using them a lot 😝). It's a traditional drink! I really like it and we tend to drink it at any time with anyone! If you have the chance, you should try. But I must warn you, it's sometimes really bitter.

What about you? Same questions you asked me + what animes/mangas have you watched/read so far? Any recommendations?

El más grande abrazo de oso para ti 🥰🤗

♠️V♠️

P.s: I checked that picrew thing out of curiosity and I ended up changing my avatar! It a really nice app! Also, I love your new avatar! It looks really cute and cool 🖤

Wow, I really had to eat something before I replied to my besto friend (bad wendy, bad)

I AM EXCITED ABOUT THESE RECIPES! And a surprise? FOR ME?

*wendy.exe has stopped working*

But seriously, I'm so thankful for you. You're very sweet to share anything with me; I'm so excited to see what you send for me to make!

The art gallery nearby is pretty amazing. It's four stories filled with art from all over the world, and stories that go along with historical art. They recently installed a bunch of figures from India, and my favorite is of the goddess Kali Ma, who is the Hindu goddess of Time, Creation, Destruction, and Power. I am a huge fan of her in general because her effigy is her standing on her consort, Shiva, who is calm and trying to prevent the world from earthquaking into oblivion with his body because of her victory dance (long story). Her story is pretty neat, too.

ANYWAYS (started ranting there), I don't have a garden where I stay, but there are plenty of parks and things nearby. I have two plants: a bamboo shoot named Luna and a regular house plant named Aethelwulf. They're surviving, which is really nice.

I LOVE MUSHROOMS! I especially love them in omelets. They're so DELICIOUS! But I don't drink. The last time I had anything to drink was in February of 2020. I've been off the sauce since then because I make stupid choices when I decide to drink to get drunk. I also get really bad headaches that aren't hangover-related.

And you like blue and green?? Any specific shade of green??? I am so enthused that your favorite color is blue, too!

I do have some suggestions for classical music: Chopin, Camille Saint-Saens, and Tchaikovsky are some of my favorites. The Nutcracker Suite (Tchaikovsky), The Swan and The Aquarium (Saint-Saens), and all of Chopin's Nocturnes are what I tend to lean towards. OH! and I couldn't leave out Gymnopédie No. 1-3 by Erik Satie. I always feel some sense of nostalgia when I listen to them.

Jazz music? Dianne Schuur's "New York State of Mind" and lofi music are my favorites.

I've never had mate, but I will keep my eyes peeled when I go to the local Latinx market in a few weeks! That sounds like something I would really enjoy. I'm a coffee and tea person, so anything from black tea to green tea to a macchiato is my go-to's. I also love this tea that only comes out once a year in stores. It's called Comfort and Joy by the Republic of Tea. I love it so much that two years ago, I hoarded SEVEN tins of it. I am now down to one tin. *cue the sad music*

Anime and Manga... Well, Jujutsu Kaisen, Prince of Tennis, Demon Slayer, Attack on Titan, Platinum Garden... Ouran Host Club, Bleach... That's all I've really gotten into in the past years. I'm trying to get into Haikyuu! and My Hero Academia, but I'm also soooooo busy. So maybe I'll watch those during the summer.

This is getting long, but I hope you find something you like. I love you, besto friendo!

Wendy

PS: SO GLAD YOU LOVE PICREW! It's so much fun, and whenever I get tagged, I try to do them because they always look so cuteeeeee!

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queen-lilith-fanfics · 3 years

Text

Silence is Deadly - Chapter Four

Alright, things are happening. I'm going to put some characters through pain, but it'll be worth it in the end.

Tagging @elven-aeterna because they're ninety percent of my motivation.

Also, if you don't like blood, avoid part II of this. We have some blood.

Am I going to ignore the fact it took me FOREVER to write this chapter? Yes. But I have Ao3 now and will be cross-posting on there so I can finally find some motivation. Hopefully.

All characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

Part I - Family

Jace is going to be okay, Brother Zachariah said. Jace was passed out on the bed, Alec still gripping onto his hand. He just needs to be left alone.

I don't want to leave him, Alec replied. Even if him and Jace weren't connected with the parabatai bond, Alec still felt attached to him.

Just step out of the room for a few minutes and then your can check on him again, Zachariah explained.

Okay. If he could have, Alec would have sighed. Instead, he got up, slowly letting go of Jace's hand.

Walking out of the room, Alec saw Izzy waiting outside. She gasped and flung her arms around Alec. He slowly hugged her back.

"Are you okay?" Izzy asked him.

I'm close enough, Alec replied.

"I feel so sorry for you," she whispered, crying a little. Alec missed that part of his humanity, the way you could let out a little of your emotions.

You know I'm going to be fine. I always endure.

"Alec, you can't carry the burden of the entire family on your back. It's going to break you one day."

He hadn't thought of that. The way he always tried to take the burden off his family, the people he loved, and carried it on his own.

Footsteps were coming down the hallway. Izzy quickly let go of Alec, stepping back. Alec turned around, and faced his parents.

The last time Alec had seen his parents, Robert and Maryse were walking him to the City of Bones, practically dragging him to be a Silent Brother. They had ignored his pain, and changed his life forever.

"Alexander," Robert said.

It's Bother Nehemiah now, he corrected.

"Fine," Robert replied. "You're here."

Jace was in trouble. Brother Zachariah brought me along. I didn't have choice. Same as when I became a Silent Brother.

"What were we supposed to do with you?" Maryse asked. "You are not a part of this family. If anyone in Idris found out-"

Alec waved a hand. For some reason being in love is worse than forcing your son to be a Silent Brother. Why is our society so screwed up when we're supposed to be fighting for good? At least half of the Downworld is better than you.

Maryse just stared forward. This was out of character for Alec, but he didn't care. He was angry.

You took away part of my humanity, Alec said. Remember that next time you see me.

Part II - Signing

"So now what?" Magnus asked, not sure what to happen after Malcolm delivered the perfect cliffhanger line.

"Give me your hand," Malcom said. Magnus reached his hand out and pulled out a small knife.

"Hey, what-" Magnus asked. Malcolm, before we could finish his sentence, slashed his palm with the knife.

"Ow!" Malcolm took Magnus's hand and dribbled a small bit of his blood onto a piece of paper.

"There you go," he responded. "Just a small bit of blood to tie you to the oath. Come back here in a week and I'll tell you what to do."

"That was a little anticlimactic," Magnus admitted. He clutched his bleeding hand to his chest, trying to heal the cut with magic.

"Well we got the job done."

Magnus sighed and got up. He tried to stay composed but it was very hard for him.

"I don't want to wait," Magnus whispered.

"I've waited a hundred years," Malcolm replied. "You can wait a few more days."

Part III - Waiting

When Magnus finally got back to his apartment Tessa was standing in the doorway, hands on her hips.

"Where were you?" she asked, glaring at Magnus.

"Trying to find a way to get Alec back," Magnus replied honestly. He pushed past Tessa and walked into his own home.

"Don't tell me you were breaking into the Silent City!" Tessa yelled.

"No just making a deal with Malcolm Fade."

Silence fell between them. Magnus turned around and made slight eye contact with Tessa. She looked scared.

"I already have had too much happen because of that man," Tessa said. "I almost lost my Lucie to him. Magnus, know the kind of company you keep."

"It's the only way," Magnus whispered. "If I need to I'll get Ragnor on my side." Magnus plopped down on his sofa, putting his feet up on the coffee table. "I can convince him."

"I don't think you can," Tessa replied, sitting down next to Magnus.

"He's coming over anyway because he's been cat-sitting," he shot back. "He has no clue who Malcolm is, except that he took his place. Ragnor would be willing to support me."

"Ragnor doesn't particularly like you with Alec. He hates your rants at 3 AM about him."

Magnus sighed, throwing his head back. "Well what choice do I have? Tess, if you could get Jem back, free and unscathed, to love him like you wanted to back in the day, would you?"

"I'd do anything for him," Tessa whispered back.

"And now you understand how I feel."

#tw blood #cw blood #silence is deadly fanfic

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outragedslime · 4 years

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I'm not that anon and neither am I against meat Roxy but some people don't seem to like that iteration bc of the widely accepted reading of Roxy as a transfeminine character. Idk how much of it is canon-supported and how much is just hcs tho

I mean if ppl liked transfem roxy then go ahead but. I like transmasc roxy and making me tag my own art in a way that lets people blacklist my art out from my blog makes me Super uncomfy. Like?? If u dont like it just unfollow me or if u dont wanna see my art in the roxy tag u can block me its not that deep... idk how to phrase this well but ive so many thoughts abt this. Again ill say i woke up almost 22 hrs ago so im v sleepy so i might phrase things wrong but here we go (also sorry for rambling here but i rly wanna get this out bc its been bothering me for ages and im!! Upset! This big rant isnt specific @ u this is like in general i wanted to type it in a post anyway but i was scared but fuck it ykno.) Id do a read more but im on mobile ill edit it later

Like we all agree that its bad to erase canon gay charas right? So like...why is it g to erase canon trans characters. Like yeah it was a popular headcanon but like......?? Headcanons get deconfirmed sometimes it happens??? It makes me feel like having a woman hc for roxy is more important than having a transmasc canon, which is. A constant self doubt of mine like i worry people will see me as lesser bc im trans and ive also seen it happen! So thats not very nice! To see the fandom treat a canon trans character as "lesser" bc theyre not trans in the way they want!

Also roxy is literally the only positive transmasc character ive ever seen in any piece of media. Ever. So that adds to it. The amnt of ppl who i seen say shit like "give her back u dont deserve her" like? That shit hurts!! Im sorry but it does! Constantly being told that a character being revealed as transmasc is "not worth it" is one of the things that makes me wanna leave the hs fandom bc holy shit!! Thats so transphobic!

Roxy is also rly rly important to me bc ive never seen a canon nb character who uses he/him either and like! I never saw rep lile that! If ur srsly mad abt transmasc roxy and want to be able to filter him out bc u prefer a different hc pls take a step back and look at urself and see how that can be transphobic. Like u can recognise that a character was important to u and like... be mature enough that u dont make ppl feel like shit when they now vibe w that same character? I used to hc transmasc vriska and i drew a few super self indulgent drawings that i didnt post publically and it was a Super important hc to me but i wouldnt draw that again now that vriskas confirmed transfem bc im not an asshole? If u see a trans character and ur first thought is "theyre not trans in the Better way though so i hate this and will make it clear to the people who like this that i hate this" thats transphobic.

Do u have to like transmasc roxy? Fuck no! U dont have to do anything. But srsly @ that anon earlier: like if thats ur reasoning, why would you go to me when i clearly take a lot of comfort in this character (i even Said seratonin time like. I draw roxy and i get an instant boost of euphoria) and imply that u do not want to see it. Like if u do not want to see it u can just unfollow or block me. Instead u make me feel like shit if im being honest! Ik that wasnt the intention so i dont blame u ily n im sorry if im bein angry this has just been building up for a long time. Like "tag this Canon trans character u relate to and love so i dont have to see him" that..doesnt feel good. Pls be mindful of that h,,

Like if u hc roxy as transfem im not gonna stop you like you do you, im not saying this to bash at transfem hcs. But i literally mean it in the nicest way possible, u dont have to interact w my stuff if u dont like it or if it makes u feel bad. Instead of coming to me and making Me feel bad. U can just unfollow and thered be no hard feelings. I draw stuff to make me happy, and if that stuff doesnt make u happy u dont have to stay, but i dont want to post art of the only positive canon transmasc character i know that makes me feel euphoric and tag it deliberately knowing theres people out there who will actively blacklist that specific drawing. Im not saying its bad to blacklist it, u can blacklist it, but im personally rly uncomfortable w that happening w my art of this specific character so if u dont want to see it u can just. Unfollow. Like 100% no hard feelings im not trying to be cheeky i just think itd be most comfortable for everyone involved bc i dont wanna sacrifice my own comfort and euphoria for other ppl.

Sorry for writing so much and ty if u read this ✌

#sorry for big ol rant im just. LE TIRED.#UGUUGGHFHHHHGHH #long post #discourse #maybe

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zanesgirlfriend · 5 years

Text

break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored | Jeff Wittek

Description: The reader is jealous of Jeff's girlfriend.

Requested?: yes by @witchywrter : Can you do a Jeff x fem!reader where reader joined the group and little after Jeff and the two immediately became like best friends until Jeff gets a gf and she makes Jeff and reader stop their friendship and there’s a bunch of angst and eventually they end up together! Tag me too please!!

A/N: i read this as y/n makes the reader and jeff stop being friends but idk if u meant the girlfriend made them stop being friends so sorry i just guessed.

Disclaimer: I know some other people have already written about this song!!!! im not trying to copy them or anything, i just thought the song fit really well with this request :) so no bad vibes please enjoy the fic!!!

_____

She was 'the new girl' that everyone was talking about. Comments, gossip blogs, twitter, even the rest of the vlog squad. The last new person was Jeff, so for some reason she instantly related to him. They became best friends very quickly, always going on hikes and working out together, and just sitting around David's helping eachother edit.

They seemed to know everything about eachother, and seemed one hundred percent comfortable with eachother. There was no denying she had feelings for Jeff, but she refused to make the first move in fear of rejection.

Text Message from my name jeff 2:39 AM

Text Message from my name jeff 2:42 AM

Text Message from my name jeff 2:48 AM

Missed Call from my name jeff 2:57 AM

"Y/n, your phone's ringing." Natalie gently pushed her shoulder in attempt to wake her up. She'd fallen asleep on David's couch. She lifted her head up grogily and grabbed her phone, hitting the answer button.

"Hey." She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"Hey, can you take care of Nerf tonight?" His words were rushed, as if he was dying to hang up the phone.

"Yeah, why?" She was suddenly more awake now as she listened to what was going on in the background of the phone call.

"I'm staying at a friends house tonight. You have a key, right?" He said, still rushing to hang up as a girl kissed his neck.

"A girl friend?" She asked as she stood up to find her shoes. She could hear the girl sucking on his skin, awfully close to the microphone on his cell.

"Yeah, y/n, a girl friend. You have a key, right?" He asked again, running his free hand on the girls skin.

"Yes. I'll see you in the morning." She was short as she hung up.

"What was that about?" Natalie asked her. She noticed David took his headphones out to listen to the conversation.

"Jeff's out with a girl again and needs me to watch Nerf again." She emphasized the word 'again' to show her frustration. David perked up.

"I think it's the same girl as last time. The other day he told me he really likes some instagram model." David's comment infuriated y/n even more.

"Well, if he's dating this chick then can't he set up some doggy daycare ahead of time?" She picked up her bag and dug around for her keys. "Why doesn't he just give Nerf to me? I'm always the one that ends up taking care of him and I don't even get a thank you." She ranted.

Deep down she knew she was more mad about him seeing another girl than having to take care of sweet little Nerf.

"Have fun!" Natalie called as y/n slammed the door behind her. Natalie and David looked at eachother and laughed.

"She totally has a crush on him."

She pulled up to Jeff's apartment around 3:30am. She took Nerf out for a walk before putting some food in his bowl and making her way into Jeff's bedroom. She raided his closet for pajamas, slipping on a sweatshirt that smelled like him and leaving her jeans in a pile on the floor. Nerf walked into the room with a toy so she played with him for a while before they cuddled and fell asleep in Jeff's bed.

Jeff shut the door quietly as he came in. He didn't wanna wake up y/n or his dog. He walked over to his bedroom and peered in. Y/n was hugging his comforter as if it were a person, and he noticed how his sweatshirt she was wearing was riding up. He looked at her underwear for a moment before throwing another blanket overtop of her.

She woke up later than she usually did and suddenly remembered where she was. She crawled out of bed, Nerf missing from his spot, and went looking for Jeff. He was editing on the couch, Nerf next to him, waiting patiently for her to wake up.

"You should just give Nerf to me." She said as she plopped down next to him. He chuckled, but she didn't. "I'm serious, Jeff. You can't keep calling me over to dog-sit in the middle of the night every time you have a booty call!" She was still very mad.

"Well, I can't bring her here, she's allergic to dogs." He closed his laptop before looking over at y/n. "I have to lint roll myself before I even go near her." He tried to justify his actions, but it wss just pissing her off.

"Yeah, I bet that's the reason she's always taking your clothes off!" Her voice was dripping with sarcasam as she rolled her eyes and stood up.

"Why are you so pissed at me? I thought you were just doin' me a favor?" His hands gestured wildly as he watched her stomp off to find her pants.

"Doing you a favor? Jeff you haven't said thank you to me once for the however many times I've done this for you. It's me trying to keep your dog alive, not doing you a favor!" She was screaming now as she buttoned her jeans and collected her things.

"What the fuck is your problem all of a sudden?" He stood up, not wanting her to leave.

"My problem? My problem is that I do so much for you and you don't do shit for me. You don't even give me the time of day anymore. When was the last time you invited me on a hike? Three weeks ago." She tried to push past him but he stopped her.

"I'm sorry I'm goin' on hikes with my girlfriend instead of you. I didn't know I needed permission to do that." Jeff was sarcastic now, too, trying to get her to understand his side of things.

"God, Jeff. Just shut the fuck up for once!" She finally pushed past him and put her hand on the doorknob. "Let me know when she stops taking up all your time and you're available to have friends again." She slammed the door behind her.

They didn't talk for weeks. Any time one of them showed up near the other one of them would leave. The fans noticed the tension and the rest of their friends felt like their parents had gotten divorced. They were always forced to pick a person to hang out with, and it made things incredibly awkward.

One night it was some random persons birthday, but the vlog squad was invited to the party. Jeff had gotten there first with his girlfriend, but y/n had riden with David and a few other friends. She decided she would be the bigger person and stick it out. She was bored of fighting with him. She just wanted her Jeff back.

They eyed eachother all night, and nobody could tell if they were judging eachother or eye-fucking eachother. Jeff's girlfriend would notice y/n across the room and start grinding on him, or kissing him, or whatever she could do to try and assert her dominance. Y/n didn't care. She was dressed to the nines and wanted Jeff to know it. She grinded on every single person around them, and even threw in a few kisses with females to turn Jeff on. She knew he was watching.

Y/n got closer and closer to the couple as the night went on, but didn't make her move until Jeff's girlfriend left to pee.

"Long time, no talk." She said as she started to dance on him. His hands instinctively moved to her waist as he studied her face. "How's Nerf?" She asked.

"He's fine. How've you been?" Jeff was more interested in her than ever. They continued small talk and stared into eachothers eyes. The energy between them was different than ever before. Eventually Jeff's girlfriend returned and y/n slipped away in the blink of an eye.

Text Message from Y/N 🙃 12:14AM

break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored.

He smirked at his phone as he texted her back.

"What are you smiling at?" His girlfriend bitched. Y/n was right, and he was done with her anyway. Jeff showed her the text message.

"Bye." He waved to his ex-girlfriend as he went to find the girl he really wanted. He went upstairs in the random persons house and searched empty bedrooms. He found y/n sitting on the end of a bed, waiting for him. "Bored, huh?" He joked as he stripped his shirt off.

"Yeah." She scanned his body.

"Lemme fix that."

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chasehermes · 4 years

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i saw your previous posts about HP, and i think even if you're a fan, you seem pretty open-minded about it. all my friends adore it, and i think i just need to let off some steam. you can ignore this if you want but i think i just need to rant. i love that drama, i really do. it's so well-written, but i'm just annoyed that it was peppered with love lines. my favorite episodes were the first five--when it was free of all the ships and we can freely enjoy the story, their friendship, --

continuation: --and the characters, without the drama of the romance. i would have preferred that song-hwa and ik-jun didn't have the whole iksong love line because it would have been a nice break from all the director's previous works (PP is the main exemption though). and at the same time, the fans (esp in twitter) scare me. they stalk the characters irl and ship them irl, connecting their IG posts together :((( i just dont think about it at all, so i can love the drama but it sucks because for me, it felt like the second half of the season focused more on the chemistry and the romance, rather than the touching stories that they showed in the first six episodes. anyway i am sorry for ranting. i hope you're well. i love that drama to bits and it's a masterpiece, but i think it could have benefited if it established itself as something that didn't pay much details/attention to lovelines. and with all the things they are releasing, i get the feeling that they’re milking the franchise :(( i’m just sad because i also bought khino kit and the vibes aren’t the same anymore. you don’t have to reply to me :(( i'm just sad

Thank you for sending the message. I am honored that you think you can rant to me. I thought about how to deal with this because you left a message as an anon. I was against posting this with the hospital playlist tag because it might draw some flak, especially from the fans, but after some time, I decided to tag it here, just in case you can’t check my actual blog or it gets buried by my reblogs.

Just like you, I love Hospital Playlist. The humor was fun and the characters are lovable. But I have to agree with you when you mentioned that it banked on romance. We might be part of the minority though because there are definitely fans who tuned in to find out which lovelines will actually 'sail’. To relieve myself of the stress, I just thought o fit this way: HP is a slice-of life, so it is a realistic portrayal. And we have to accept that romance is a part of that life they are trying to portray. Some lovelines did not really sit that well with me. For example, IkSong. The two characters are adorable. Initially, I wanted IkSong to push through so it can portray a healthy relationship between a stepmother and a child. But after much thinking, I ended up wishing that the writer kept Ik-jun as a cool single dad and Song-hwa as a woman in her 40s who can find new love or not end up with anyone at all.

Why? Because single dads exist, and we rarely get a portrayal of a single father who is also a doctor. Because it would be a nice to message to the viewers if Song-hwa can meet someone new and outside of her circle of friends. Or because there are single women (and men) who actually enjoy being single. Because it would be nice to see a woman help her bestfriend (who is a man) raise his kid without either of them developing feelings for each other.

The only loveline that I genuinely enjoyed was Bidulgi :) GomGom was cute. But I looked forward more to Min-ha’s growing respect for Seok-hyeong as a professor and Seok-hyeong’s journey to heal his own trauma. Like you, I wished it ocused more on doctors, nurses, and other members of th medical community interacted (including the physical and occupational therapists, pscyhiatrists, med techs, etc.), but without the romance to draw the viewers in, I don’t know if the drama will receive that much of love.

Anyway, about the fans on twitter. It really does happen. It’s not just on HP. But yeah, I have a friend who also ranted to me about this once--the whole WinterGarden shipping extending to YYS and SHB in real life. Sadly, we can’t really do anything about it. If it makes you uncomfortable, maybe you can just refrain from checking the hashtags? Or you can unfollow people who are posting about them? Unfortunately, celebrities don’t get the privacy some of us can have.

It’s nice that it has a season 2 (and 3), but I guess South Korea will be seeing the downside of having a show that also shows the romance between characters. Actually, of having a slice of life drama that is multi-seasonal. It’s easier for Kingdom and Stranger because the focus is mosly on the plot. But for HP cast, it might be more difficult for them to get out of the mold or the character that they are portraying in the drama -- at least in the eyes of the viewers. And of course, they have to be careful about the details of their personal lives. I don’t think any of the cast members will be announcing anything about their dating life until the whole show is over because it might ruin the on-screen chemistry for some viewers.

You can call it milking the franchise, others might go for promoting. We really can’t do anything about that, so maybe it’s best if you mute it from your search engine or something to that effect? I know some people who preferred to have the drama set at 20 episodes rather than the whole season 1 and 2 format because they don’t really like how some fans gush about every single announcement/detail or do the other Twitter games that the fandom has. I guess it’s just a matter of preference :)

Anyway, I hope you feel better because you got to talk about it. Don’t worry you’re not alone in your sentiments. I have friends who feel the same way. Just drop by my ask (preferrably, not anon so we can have a nice private chat instead?). Just remember the phrase To Each His Own. Just watch the show and patiently wait for HP season 2. If it helps, I guess you can also stay away from social media. There are lots of good dramas that you can tune into. Right now, I’m watching It’s Okay To Not Be Okay, and the pacing and aesthetics are satisfying, and I am getting some healing and cathartic moments from it. It deals with mental health so proceed with caution, especially if it is a topic that you find especially sensitive.

Take care. :)

#hospital playlist #ask #anon #sorry for putting this here but someone sent an ask and i wasnt sure how to reply since it was anon #kdrama #wise doctor life

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hanniejji · 6 years

Text

TAGS UWU

So I was tagged three times and since I wasn't able to do it on my phone I had to do it on my computer lmao anyway I got tagged by my sweet cakes(@hyunjinsgiggle ), the sunshine (@felegs ), and this cutie (@stayuwu ) this is going to be long btw im sorry and the ending is very depressing ignore it

Bold Tag

Rules: bold the ones that apply to you!

Appearance:

I’m over 5'5 / I wear glasses/contacts / I have blonde hair / I wear sweatshirts a lot / I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing / I have one or more piercings / I have at least one tattoo / I have blue eyes / I have dyed or highlighted my hair / I have gotten plastic surgery / I have or had braces / I sunburn easily / I have freckles / I paint my nails / I typically wear makeup / I don’t often smile / I am pleased with how I look / I prefer Nike to Adidas / I wear baseball hats backwards

Hobbies and talents:

I play a sport / I can play an instrument / I am artistic / I know more than one language / I have won a trophy in some sort of competition / I can cook or bake without a recipe / I know how to swim / I enjoy writing / I can do origami / I prefer movies on TV shows / I can execute a perfect somersault / I enjoy singing / I could survive in the wild on my own / I have read a new book series this year / I enjoy spending time with friends / I travel during school or work brakes / I can do a handstand

Experiences:

I have had my first kiss / I have gotten drunk / I have told a crush I like them / I have traveled outside of the country / I have flown on an airplane / I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours / I have had a near-death experience / I have caught something on fire / I have performed in a talent show / I have shot a gun / I have been on TV / I have gone scuba diving / I have broken a bone / I have slow-danced / I have gone on a shopping spree

Relationships:

I am in a relationship / I have been single for over a year / I have a crush / I have a best friend I have known for over ten years / my parents are together / I have dated my best friend / I am adopted / my crush have confessed to me / I have had a long-distance relationship / I am an only child / I give advice to my friends / I have made an online friend / I met up with someone I have met online

Aesthetics:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell / I have watched the sun rise / I enjoy rainy days / I have slept under the stars / I meditate outside / the sound of chirping calms me / I enjoy the smell of the beach / I know what snow tastes like / I listen to music to fall asleep / I enjoy thunderstorms / I enjoy cloud watching / I have attended a bonfire / I pay close attention to colors / I find mystery in the ocean / I enjoy hiking on nature paths / Autumn is my favorite season

Miscellaneous:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle / I am the mom friend / I live by a certain quote / I like the smell of sharpies / I am involved in extracurricular activities/ I enjoy Mexican food / I can drive stick-shift / I have memorized an entire song in a day / I believe in true love / I dream up scenarios to fall asleep / I sing in the shower / I wish I lived in a video game / I have a canopy above my bed / I am Multi-racial / I am a redhead / I own at least three dogs / I am LGBR

I'm about to answer 33 questions wow I feel like I'm on an examination

11 questions tag

by sweet cakes:

1. what is your fashion sense?

I have a lot of styles depending on the weather or my mood. I mostly do the sweater/jacket + high waisted shorts hehe or turtle neck + shorts + cardigan/jacket. when I'm lazy, which is always, I wear an oversize hoodie and shorts and the occasional cap hihi I have a weird sense of fashion

2. what is your favourite season?

I like rainy, or windy. any is fine as long as I don't sweat like hell adfaslsja I hate summer

3. if you could go on holiday anywhere, where?

I love going to beaches but tbh anywhere with good views is fine, it doesn't matter since the most important thing for me is that I get the experience and take lots of photos if they have a lot of delicious foods then that's better oof

4. what is one quote you live by?

"learn to stand on your own feet" has a very special place in my heart

5. would you ever get a tattoo, and if so, what and where?

I would want a snowflake, because we're not alone falling down

6. what is your favourite song at the minute?

at the moment, it's nobody knows by youngjae and fine by yugyeom ✨✨

7. what is one album you would listen to for the rest of your life?

I still listen to Linkin Park songs because of the meaningful and relatable lyrics

8. what is your favourite memory from the last year?

it has to be the one time my mom said she's proud of me :')

9. what is one regret you have?

not being able to make friends easily :'( I find it hard to do

10. would you change aforementioned regret?

maybe :'(

11. if you could have any food in the world to eat right now, what would it be?

How dare you make me choose I can't possibly choose between different varieties of foods :'( fries, frappe, and shawarma w/o cucumber pls

by sunshine 🌞

1. what’s one thing that helps you relax?

probably sleeping with soft background music

2. what’s your favorite novel and author?

I'd rather poetry :') sea of strangers by lang leav is amazing

3. are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection?

I'm more like the closet affectionate person hehe but when I'm tired or sleepy I get clingy a lot but I'm mostly through small actions, I'm not comfortable with saying "I miss you" or whatever unless I'm typing them

4. are you an early bird or a night owl?

totally a night owl

5. if you’re comfortable with it, do you have a song you connect to something or someone, and if so, what is it?

sorry by halsey, broken home by 5sos

6. if you could go back to a place you’ve been to before, where would it be?

the beach we went to last vacation :')

7. what does your favorite piece of clothing - that you own yourself - look like?

a very comfy oversized hoodie, it's black with front pocket, sweater paaaaws, and it has a small doodle of neptune on the back

8. who’s your bias and why?

bias? I don't know her

9. do you believe in luck and miracles?

yas, my aunt is actually a fortune teller? idk? but she knows a lot about those and spirits thing but since I have low self confidence I mostly sound like I don't believe in them

10. what’s your favorite type of decorations?

aesthetic and pastel colors ✨

11. do you prefer being outside or inside?

booooth

by cutie :

1. Are you a daydreamer? If so, what do you dream about?

sometimes I just space out without even realizing

2. What’s your favorite place in the world?

home

3. What’s home to you?

somewhere that no one can judge me, a safety place, a place where I can let loose and be comfortable and not give a care about anything

4. This is not a question but quote a vine.

"oh hell noOooOoOOoOooOooOO"

5. Grey’s anatomy or House?

what i don't watch any of these

6. Do you have any pets?

a lame excuse of a cat

7. What kind of friend are you? (You know, the mom friend, the meme friend, etc).

the mom friend, scolds you 25/8, gives advises everywhere, comforts you, takes things seriously, drops everything just to listen to you unless I'm in a very bad mood, sacrifices for you, boyfriend material (according to my friend), secretly soft, lazy but exerts effort when needed, randomly does weird things and dances to fortnite, supports you, but lowkey doesn't do the same for myself lol because I'm emo and you can hear me saying bad things about myself 27/10 and pushing you away lol

I don't share my food unless you're important lmao

8. Do you hate someone? If so, why?

fake peopleeee

9. What’s your dream job?

to be a journalism

10. What MCU character resembles you the most? (not physically, more like mentally and emotionally).

probably wanda

11. I won’t use this eleven question as an actual question, use your right to answer to this to talk about whatever the fuck you want. Rant, fangirl, talk about what you did today or yesterday or whatever. Just talk.

I just want to cry to someone but I don't have the heart to tell anyone, I don't know why but I get stressed so easily and that one time our nurse had a seminar and asked if anyone is depressed, I just want to raise my hand but I'm too scared someone will judge me and think of me as a weak person, like now, and she started this speech about how to beat depression and I just can't understand how is that going to work because it doesn't work on me. I'm getting tired of constantly getting sad for no reason and it's bothering my classmates and I hate bothering them I feel like I'm annoying so I kept these thoughts to myself. It's hard trying to avoid spacing out and being so quiet all of the sudden, I'm getting mad at myself for being pathetic and I did the "do" once because I was so desperate to feel something other than sadness and I couldn't even tell anyone and right now I feel like this rant I'm doing is bothering everyone I hate being like this :'(

I'm doooonneee hehehehe that took me like a long time and I should really sleep now :') I will reblog this with my 11 questions and tags because tumblr has limits ugh

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gendice · 6 years

Note

(1) oh honey I feel your struggle. I'm a writer in this fandom too and like... I KNOW my stuff is good. I know it. And I have spent MONTHS on fics before only to post them to a lukewarm reception. It sucks because there are so many factors. So many! Posting time vs timezones, how many followers you have, the off chance of a popular blog reblogging it.. etc. And the most frustrating thing is sometimes I'll get a good reception on one website but NONE on another site, for the exact same fic!

The unfortunate thing is that’s just kinda .. how it is. It blows dude like fandom artists don’t really have to face that? The barrier to entry for them is so much lower I think. I’ve been writing for a very long time and I’ve sort of come to terms now with the fact that sometimes a story is just only going to get so many likes/comments/etc. Even when I think it deserves more or even when I feel like I haven’t gotten back nearly as much as I poured into it in the end I just try to remember that I’m writing for me more than anyone else. Everything I write makes me a better writer, so even if I post a fic and it only gets half the notes I’d hoped for, I’m still glad to have written it and put it out there. I’m still glad for the people who did read it and love it. I’m not trying to be preachy or anything, its just hard watching you struggle over something I’ve also struggled with for so very very long :/

Even established writers struggle with this! Like, I have a fic on ao3 that’s got 1000+ kudos and yet the Tumblr post for it slipped completely under the radar with few notes. You just can’t predict the whims of the internet sometimes. The only thing you can do when you’re sad about the reception of a story is to keep writing. The more you write the bigger you audience grows!! It’s the only constant that’s stayed with me from fandom to fandom. If you just keep writing, the readers will come.

sorry for the wall of text!! I really thought your story was lovely, and had a unique style to it. I hope you keep on writing no matter what, from one writer to another. Don’t be discouraged :)

hhhh h h ok i don’t want to discredit artists bc i know they spend a lot of time and effort on their works too but i think it’s easier for them to get notes/reception bc their works are visual and people can see what it is at a glance and decide whether they like it or not instead of having to spend actual time reading a bunch of words lol

but anyway you’re right and logically i DO know there are plenty of factors to how well a fic will be received but also i can’t help but worry that it’s my fault that they’re doing so poorly?? i worry that the content that im putting out isn’t what people want to see which is the reason why my fics do so badly and, idk, i want to know what im doing wrong and what i can do to make it better but i just can’t? im not trying to say that my fics are better than those that get more hits/kudos but i can’t help it when i look at some more popular fics and i try to study them but i dont get what people like about them so much?? sorry this just makes me sound like a jackass but it’s probably just personal preference and mine being so different from the majority of the fandom’s which is also why i can’t write stuff that people like

god i know everyone says that you should write for yourself and part of me does which is why i stick so closely to the style that i do but also it’s just,, numbers in the form of hits/kudos/notes serve as affirmation that my stuff is good, and it’s the only thing my flimsy-ass self esteem can rely on because i absolute hate hate h a t e the stuff that i make sometimes and i doubt myself so much all the time so when i see that a fic does well, it tells me that hey this isnt so bad, but when i see a fic flop it’s like, confirmation that my stuff stinks big time which is. its a sucky feeling. i know it’s not good to have that kind of mentality but it’s just the way that i am??? lets be real here like i can say in confidence that im a thirsty bitch and i do want people to read and like and kudos my stuff and my self esteem gets kicked repeatedly every time my fics flop so. h yea h

honestly if it werent for my followers on here (sorry 2 everyone) and me shoving my fics in their faces i probably wont even get more than 100 hits on my fics lol and i feel kind of bad bc a part of me wants to deserve the hits and kudos that i get instead of having them just bc i kept yelling at my followers about my fics (i kind of feel like those people who would hold up the news and yell hear ye in medieval times or whatever) but. idk im conflicted cos i know this is one kind-of efficient way to get people to notice my fics. but part of me feels Bad when i do so too but idk. its also bc of this that i refuse to tag people or ask them directly to rb my fic posts bc i’d feel really guilty and ashamed and i don’t want to use people in that way?? and i’m not close friends with a lot of people on here either especially popular content creators so honestly i don’t think a lot of writers/blogs with large followings would rb my fic posts either so basically im just fucking myself over lol

god sorry im ranting and i know i don’t technically have a right to bitch so much since as i’ve said before 1) my stuff isn’t as good as some other people who i know face this same problem and honestly deserve so much more attention for their works and 2) i havent even been writing for that long so i really am not allowed to complain but hh h h idk i just get super frustrated over this i cant help it

#anon #answers #sorry i am RANTING again #i know i should change my mindset but this isnt just my mindset for writing.#its a regular mindset thats been with me since i first created content for anything and its just that now its been carried over to writing #i want to change but i literally dont have confidence in anything that i do #anyway thank you so much for your kind words regardless and i really appreciate you sending this and trying to help <3

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