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soap-ify · 7 months

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to relax in your arms

simon "ghost riley" x gn!reader

wc — 1.2k

cw — pure fluff !! subtle suggestive undertones, just reader being burnt out and simon being there to help.

notes — decided to join the tumblr cod fanfic gang . . anyways !! a little fluff because mw3 early access is tomorrow and it could be angsty.

simon is observant, very observant. it's a trait you loved and hated at the same time. yes, he knew of your every cute little quirks, but at the same time, he was able to read your mood too easily — no matter how much you try to hide it otherwise.

so it wasn't a surprise when you were completely burnt out after a week long of paperwork you had to finish up for your crappy job, completely draining you out of energy. you were sat on the couch right now, inside the cozy little apartment you shared with your boyfriend. he was standing in the corner of the living room, those stern brown eyes watching your exhaustion from a distance. he was dressed in a pair of grey shirt and black sweatpants, having had just stepped out of the shower, all fresh.

he had arrived early today, price having had let simon leave the base quicker for the sake of the latter spending more time with you. but seeing you curled up tiredly on the couch; your laptop half open on the coffee table alongside the scattered papers, your face hidden in the cushion whilst your arms were wrapped around your knees — it made something in simon lighten up, a protective instinct that was always seemingly there. a need to comfort his lovely partner.

"poor baby." he cooed in his deep, gravely voice that caught your attention, indicating his presence. though you were too tired to lift your head up and greet him with that sweet usual smile that always adorned your lips. he took this time to kneel besides the couch you were curled up on, his rough yet gentle hands rubbing up and down your arms, coaxing your head up, tired eyes meeting his.

god, you were a mess. your eyes had visible dark circles, body all stiff whilst loose strands of hair were on your face. he knew this feeling too well — being so insanely burnt out that one just wished to disappear and run off to a paradise, seemingly for some rest that would last forever. though he wouldn't let his sweetheart think like that.

his fingers carefully brushed the loose hair strands off your eyes before cupping your face, his palms feeling the squish of your cheeks. "m'gonna help you relax up, 'kay?" he mumbled softly, earning a tired nod from you. he was quick to shut your laptop down and tidy up the table before his strong arms scooped you up the couch, your head instinctively burying in his neck. god, he always smelled so good.

he carried you towards the bathroom, his right foot nudging the door open. he carefully set you on your feet, hands skillfully taking off your shirt and pants alongside your undies. you were so pretty, small against his imposingly tall and muscular form. he loved you so fucking much. a sense of intimacy spread in the bathroom as he gently led you to sit inside the tub, opening the tap as warm water begin to fill the tub, soon engulfing your body in a familiar, comforting warmth.

simon went away for a few seconds and came back with a bowl of rose petals he had secretly saved up for a time like this. he poured the rose petals in the water, watching them spread out and float around your bare body. the prettiest fucking sight ever. you couldn't help but giggle at his little surprise, causing him to crack a small smile that you were still getting used to seeing. he had stopped wearing his balaclava around you, and whenever you saw his bare face and the littlw scars, you couldn't fathom out how such a gorgeous man like him was with you. though he had told you countless times that you were the prettiest thing ever, and deserved everything.

"like my surprise, love?" he asked teasingly and knelt besides the rub, earning a happy nod from you.

"yes, si." you mumbled softly, your voice a bit hoarse from the exhaustion. the warm water was doing wonders on your stiff muscles, and the scent of rose that enveloped the bathroom was so comforting. you closed your eyes and let yourself relax in the warm water.

simon grabbed a bar of soap and gently lathered it up your shoulders, his hands carefully massaging and undoing the knots. a soft groan left your lips as you leaned into him, your breathing getting slow and calm. "you won't get in with me?" you asked in that sweet voice of yours that always made him melt.

"not tonight, love. tonight's all about gettin' my baby cozy and relaxed." he chuckled quietly as he washed you up, his hands going towards your chest in order to gently caress it — chaste and loving movements. in any other situation, his hands would be doing so much more to you, but right now, you were too exhausted for that and he knew it. you were his number one priority after all.

you were starting to get sleepy, all relaxed under the caresses and rubs of his soft hands. "si..." you yawned softly, head leaning forward to press soft kisses on the bridge of your nose, his right hand coming up caress the back of your head.

"so tired, mmh? workin' so hard all week, not taking care of yourself at all." he whispered huskily into your ear, causing you to whine and give light punches on his arm, a cute pout on your lips that he immediately kissed as soon as it appeared.

you were always so sweet to him, taking care of him after rough missions or after a painful nightmare. it was his turn now to take care of you, to let you relax. after a good few minutes, he turned off the tap and took off the plug, watching the water drain out of the tub. he scooped you out of the tub and nicely dried you up with a towel, ruffling your hair up before he carried you to your shared bedroom.

he sat you down on the bed, dressing you up in a pair of his boxers and black shirt that was clearly oversized on you, making you feel all cozy. "thank you so much, si..." you sighed happily, your eyes half-open while your usually loud mind turned into a state of pure bliss. you laid down on the bed with a sleepy yawn, stretching your arms and legs out. fucking hell, you looked adorable.

he laid down besides you, his arm quickly wrapping around your waist as he pulled you closer, your head pressing against his firm chest. "love you, si... love you, love you, love you." you sleepily babbled, snuggling into him, your fingers clinging onto the fabric of his shirt whilst your eyes fluttered shut.

"love you too, baby. now hush, go to sleep. m'gonna keep you all cozy." he whispered softly, one arm reaching out to turn off the lamp and pull the blanket over you both. he sighed softly, his eyes soon fluttering shut too whilst he held you protectively, feeling your body relaxing as you entered a state of well needed sleep.

"goodnight, love."

#who else is anxious for mw3 #i feel sick #anyways #soft ghost #i love him so much #ghost x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #cod x reader #rurufic #simon ghost riley x reader #i am just tagging anything at this point

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nerdy-hyperfixations · 2 months

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I just want to remind everyone that Wallace is canonically the worse one to sleep in the same bed with.

Scott can be a bad roommate in every other aspect but GUYS Wallace is the one that canonically snores and kicks in his sleep.

Scott sleeps like a princess with his back against the sheet lying perfectly straight (and also taking all the covers) and Wallace sleeps semi-on-his-side and apparently just fucking punting Scott in the leg every so often (not to mention he talked in his sleep too) and I don’t know why this is important to me but it is.

Because when people draw them cuddling in their sleep it’s always Wallace being normal and Scott turning and snoring and shit but you’re missing out on sleepy-cuddly Wallace turning and snoring on Scott. Let that cringe-fail 25 year old be annoying. Istg.

I’m talking to the Mobillace people too btw. Not that I’ve seen anyone draw them cuddling in bed (which is a CRIME btw. Draw that. For me.) but like imagine how funny it would be: Mobile stays the night for the first time and the hot-weirdo is a bed-menace, snoring and kicking and tossing and turning and suction cupping for warmth and Mobile is like “I want him to be my boyfriend” THATS FUNNY! LIKE-

#scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim vs the world #scollace #scott x wallace #scott pilgrim takes off #wallace wells #mobillace #mobile x wallace #mobile scott pilgrim #I’m sick of the cringe-fail erasure of Wallace #he might be more mature than Scott but that fucker ain’t mature #(however yes generally he is the voice of reason for Scott but anyone can be a voice of reason to Scott. Scott has no internal reasoning /h #I made an analysis post at one point about how I believe the primary reason Wallace manages to do half the shit he does #is because it’s easier to get the motivation to do them if he’s telling off Scott for not doing them #we know DAMN WELL that he is scared of their landlord #considering he got plastered the night before they had to go #(he seems to drink when he’s anxious)#and because of how uncharacteristically timid he was in his office #(and can I mention he said the line ‘it’s not our fault we can’t afford rent’ and like. I don’t know it feels important to point out lol)#but he tells Scott that they *have* to go and there landlord is all bark and no bite #despite being visibly nervous around him #so. the reason he dragged Scott to see him with him is because it would make him feel less nervous to see their landlord #if he focused on dragging Scott to see him instead of his own worries #but I never posted that analysis lol #but all this to say #um #i don’t know #but I’m saying something for sure!

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realbeefman · 8 months

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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

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megabuild · 5 months

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"Is Etho's Lab Autistic?" - the greatest thread in the history of MCYTblr, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate,

NOT INTENDED to be a diagnostic resource or an "accusation/truthing" of Etho being autistic, but rather comparing autistic criterion as printed in the DSM-5 with various clips and common autistic experiences, since he has many autistic fans who relate to him. Also because it's a little funny and it's always fun to see more Etho clips. Some of these clips may overlap categories.

A: Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction.

Unaware of social conventions or context; makes socially inappropriate comments (especially to strangers)

Bdubs: "One of the first things he said to me... Bdubs, you are always sick. I never get sick."

"I was at the DMV, for like, fifteen minutes."

(Gem: "Sometimes the things that come out of your mouth are... unexpected.") "That's how you get laughs, Gem."

Lack of theory of mind (difficulty or inability to recognise cognitive differences- assumes everyone thinks similarly and will understand any references or explanations made, no matter how particular)

"PLETHORA!"

"It's the same noise tigers make when they chuff."

"Feel free to boo if you wish." ("Boo!")

B: Restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests or activities.

Idiosyncratic or metaphorical language (language that has meaning only to those familiar with the individual's communication style) (also extends to a very particular or idiosyncratic sense of humour that appeals only to themselves)

"The Office is a good show..."

"Objectify them! Objectify them real good!"

"What's the deal with bathroom... peanuts...?"

"This is probably the greatest story you will ever hear in your lifetime."

"And he's like, Etho, don't go in there."

Echolalia (immediate or delayed repetition of sounds, words or phrases)

"Meow!"

"Deh-deh-deh!"

"We got go get wool!" (More mature jargoning than echolalia, but still)

Rigid thinking (difficulty or inability to understand humour, irony, or implied meanings)

"That's Not What That Is."

"I don't have social skills, Grian.."

Particular interests, often on unorthodox things or with uncommon levels of intensity

Sourcing exact clips for this one is tricky, but being a Minecraft YouTuber is one of the most autistic things a person can do imo.

Specifically, a redstone Minecraft YouTuber. Who invents stuff like the Nexus.

(On fireworks, something he's made frequent references to and also tried to make as a kid) "I'm like a kid in a candy store right now!"

Anxiety around change/transitional periods

"Whenever I'm recording a new series with a bunch of new people, the stress... I start to feel it in my stomach." (Gem: "Aw, that's anxiety!")

C: Other things I felt were relevant but couldn't decide on a category for

"I used to go out after rainstorms and pick (worms) up..." (Guude: "Would you let them go ever, or-") "No, I usually forgot about 'em... found 'em later all dried up..."

Cleo: "To be fair, Etho never claims he's a grown up, he just sort of.. giggles and runs away."

"Guys? GUYS?!"

Hiding in the bathroom at MCC

Vaxxed?

Mannerisms such as his "sleepy" or monotone voice from earlier years, or "whisper-shouting" rather than actually yelling.

Thanks

#mine #there is Def more but im sick of this just sitting in my drafts im getting like anxious over it. its driving me crazy.#everyone be so normal and nice to me i just think its funny.#ethotism

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gunstellations · 1 month

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lil guy to help get through the day

#shadow the hedgehog #sonic #my art #im so anxious about work and sick today to boot so..thats fun #shadow...will be proud of me....for working..here he is for motivation for you as well #messy lil doodle but i cant spend long on drawing tonight #sth

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daftpatience · 3 months

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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

#theres no peace #every little thing reminds me we are poor #seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time #im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly #the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job #and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support #and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money #because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live #its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin #time #cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for #sorry for the ranting i cant sleep #truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin #more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful #i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it #i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things #spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income #not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it

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prince-kallisto · 1 month

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Silly comfort doodle

Featuring the closest possible thing I would make to a self-insert character (but with no discernible features due to the plague doctor outfit anxjdjx)

#ahhh im so anxious over irl things that I feel so fatigued and sick ahh #chest feels so heavy im so tired ahhh #Crowley save me. dire Crowley save me 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛#anyway I’d like to give a character/reference sheet to this self insert thing #buts that’s for the future #kallisto rambles #kallistopost #my art

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keeperesque · 6 months

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hi, this is my dog! her name is magnolia mae and she's an elderly chihuahua-dachshund mix (estimated between 12-15 years old). she's a rescue we received from my roommate and best friend's late cousin about 5 years ago.

long story short, our sweet girl has been experiencing some severe and concerning health issues (extremely low RBC, WBC, Neutrophils, and Platelets), and she needs to have her bone marrow tested. this is extremely expensive (at least 1,200), and we're hoping to get some help. if you'd like more information on what's going on with her, that will be under the cut. otherwise, please consider using either of the below methods to help us take care of our sweet old girl!

ppal.me: @/daisyd0nati0ns (replace 0s with Os)

kof!: @/keeperesque

don't tag as d0nat!ons/etc, etc..

when we moved across the country during late 2020 to be with my wife, we brought her, as well as my elderly cat sampson and my two older rabbits, indie and digit.

2023, however, has not been kind to any of our pets. in february, we lost sampson to kidney failure - it was sudden and utterly heartbreaking. a month later, my wife found that digit had passed away in her sleep, and indie was put down shortly after due to health complications we could not afford to properly treat. since then, we've been extremely diligent with maggie's health - she eats special food for her kidneys, has vet appointments scheduled every 6 months, gets twice-daily walks, takes medication for her thyroid, and receives plenty of love.

unfortunately, starting with an emergency visit in september, maggie's been having severe problems with her blood - specifically an extremely low platelet count (33,000-55,000, normal levels are about 200,000), white blood cell count and neutrophils are extremely low, and she's extremely anemic. while she's on some medication to keep her stable, we aren't sure how long that will last, and it's taxing on her body.

after ruling out infectious diseases, we need to take her in to have her bone marrow looked at. the procedure, at the low end, will cost around 1,200, and up to 1,600, depending.

i also have pdfs available for anyone skeptical of these claims or who want proof of treatment.

we're not sure if we'll be able to save her, but we would at least like to know what's happening so we can make an informed decision on how to proceed, instead of watching and waiting for the worst. anything over the price of her procedure will, of course, go towards related expenses, such as treatments or end-of-life care.

if you read all of that, thanks. again, please consider helping us out!!

ppal.me: @/daisyd0nations (0 is an o)

kof!: @/keeperesque

have an extra maggie pic :)

#not peach #please rb and stuff #really anxious abt posting this but we are kind of desperate atm #i don't rlly talk a lot about my personal life online anymore fjkdlfs #so this is weird #and with her being so sick lately i don't have a lot of reasons to post pics 'cause it's jsut her sleeping in her beds mostly...

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notdelusionalatall · 2 months

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i don't know why i still have feelings for you. screw you

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creative-caramel-coffee · 10 months

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hey! could i maybe make a request about reader suffering from anxiety, but she hides it, and for some reason Wanda or Nat snap at her, and she breaks? Basically WandaNat x reader angst with hurt/comfort? Thanks in advance <3

Misunderstanding Mishaps

Pairings: Wandanat x R, Pepper x R (platonic)

Word count: 2.2K

Summary: R struggles while her girls are away which leads to a misunderstanding.

TW: not eating, not sleeping, anxiety, misunderstanding, angst, accused cheating, past trauma (mentioned), crying, vulnerability, depression (kinda?), separation anxiety

A/n I love pepper and I hope I did your request justice :)

Eventually you were past the point of being able to bring it up in conversation. Life had been good. Aside from dealing with it yourself, but that was the way it had always been so it wasn’t that bad. Ho were you suppose to tell your girlfriends of almost two years that your anxieties were eating you alive? You were a hero. Hero’s didn’t have anxiety. Or at least that’s what you had told yourself.

You were afraid of loosing them the same way you lost your family. In an attack from hydra your whole family was killed, the same attack that was the start of five years of hell and the begging of your powers. It had been three years since the avengers rescued you and two years of being with your girlfriends. Wanda and Natasha were perfect. They were your missing puzzle piece. But you were terrified to loose them. The constant fear of yourself, your powers and loosing the people you cared about only ever became unbearable when they left. If they were out of your sight, you couldn’t protect them. You knew they could do well more than hold their own on the battlefield but you couldn’t loose them. It had been almost a week and Wanda and Natasha were on a strict no contact mission. It was eating you from the inside out. Not know if they were ok. Not knowing where they were. Nobody would update you. It was tearing you apart. The first few days you had managed to f drag yourself out of bed. But not anymore. You were curled up in the sheets that were soaked in tears and sweat from when you did manage to sleep but you merely had nightmares about their deaths.

Pepper had been taking time out of her busy schedule to bring you food she had ordered, sitting with you until you had taken your last bite. She knew the truth. She knew of your fears and did her best to help. She was like a mother to you. It was nice. You had attached yourself to her when you first came. She looked like your aunt and she acted like a mother. She had taken to you straight away.

Two small knocks came on the bedroom door and in a small voice you called out.

“Come in.” You said, maybe too softly to hear but the door opened. Pepper stood with a table in one hand and a cooling plate of pancakes in her arms.

“Y/n/n you need to eat something today.” She said coming in an placing them on your lap before tiding up. For someone who didn’t leave their bed much there sure was a mess. She stopped when she saw your teary eyes. Coming to sit on the bed beside you she placed a hand on your cheek using her thumb to wipe the falling tears from your cheek.

“Oh sweetheart.” She cooed looking sad for you. “Come here.” She pulled you into her chest and wrapped her arms around you.

“I know your worried but I made tony hack shield because I know you needed something.” You tensed in her arms. “Wanda and Natasha are in Finland, some top secret hydra base their scoping out. They should be home in a day or two if not sooner.” She rubbed circles on your back as your hands bunched in her shirt and you sobbed into the crook of her shoulder, your body shaking. It had all been too much for you lately you needed your girls.

You were almost fully in pepper lap now as she held you into her chest tightly to ground you. Soon your sobs died down and pepper coaxed you into eating some of the now cold pancakes. Seeing your eyes fluttering she knew you hadn’t slept much the last few nights. Carefully she ran a hand through your hair to get the curls from your face.

“Sweetheart why don’t you get some sleep.” Pepper said going to grab her tablet.

You nodded and snuggled into the sheets. Pepper nodded her approval and began walking to the door.

“Can you stay?” You asked in a small voice. Insecurity lacing the words.

“Of course y/n/n.” She walked back over and you shuffled to the side as she swung her legs onto the bed and you snuggled into her thigh. She was wearing black slacks and a salmon coloured button up blouse which now had drying wet patches thanks to your earlier tears. Her hair was up and she was wearing black heels. “You look nice today pep” you mumbled into her leg and she ran her hand in circles on your back as you fell asleep you heard her chuckle at your comment.

“Get some sleep sweetheart, I wont leave you.” She said softly and used her other hand to start tapping on her tablet as she organised some stark industries business.

You woke up to the sound of voice in the hall. You grumbled and rolled into peppers side more, pressing your face into her leg and smushing your cheeks up. She chuckled and looked to the door which began to open slightly.

Wanda and Natasha peered in. Upon realising their voices were the ones you heard you shot up in bed making pepper chuckle slightly. Your bed head made you look quiet cute.

“Wands! Natty!” You said making grabby hands and using your fist to rub your eyes which had deep circles under them despite your power nap. You frowned when they didn’t come over.

“Natty? Wanda? Is everything ok?” You asked getting up and walking over to them. You went to hug them but back away when they recoiled at your touch. Pepper sat on the bed trying to. Dissapper, her only exit blocked.

“Y/n.” Wanda said with a cold voice.

“Y/n” Natasha echoed “what is this?” She asked her face stone cold as she waved a hand between you and pepper who shrunk deeper into the bed. You did a double take, spluttering slightly at the indication of what they thought you had done. They took it your reaction as shock you had been caught. Natasha was getting angry now at your lack of words.

“What? Nothing to say? We were gone so you think you can just throw yourself at the next girl who walks into the room?” Natasha said harshly. Tears began to prick your eyes.

“Do you always go whoring yourself out when we go on missions?” Wanda yelled.

“I-i-I-“ you stuttered the nervous trait you had been trying to kick for years showing itself as you floundered.

“You know what. Its been a rough couple of days, I need a shower.” Nat said pushing past you. “And frankly I don’t want to see you right now.” She said looking you up and down you felt small in your pjs and bed head. “Coming wands baby?” Nat said using pet names to make you feel worse.

“Of course my love.” Wanda replied shoving past you as well.

Your heart beat once. Twice. Then shattered. You stood staring at where they had been before you shot off down the hall. Running into your old room you slammed the door and ordered Jarvis to lock it. You curled up in the sheets and sobbed loudly into the fabric. You clutched your old stuffed toy to your chest, the familiar item bringing some much needed comfort. It felt like hours you were laid there. All alone, your thoughts running wild.

Meanwhile pepper had broken out of her stupor and was pounding on the bathroom door. She was ignored until after the two girls had showered. As they opened the door pepper jumped back and began to berate them.

“What the hell was that?!” She yelled and Wanda looked at her in shock while nat simply held a cold gaze. “You see us together and assume she cheated.” Pepper yelled. “First off Im with tony and I see her like family. Secondly I would never meddle in your relationship, I cant believe you think I would. But this is not about me.” She began pacing and Wanda and nat sat down on the bed and quietly watched. As Wanda detected no lies in her words she began to fear she had made a huge mistake. Natasha seemed less convinced and crossed her arms.

“Then what was she doing in bed with you?” She said pointedly.

“She was in tears you idiots. She has been having horrible anxiety and hasn’t been eating or sleeping scared she would miss a call saying you needed back up or worse were injured and not coming home. I have been bringing her food and drying her tears while you two didn’t spare a second thought to her state when you left.” Wanda began to feel awful and Natasha also was beginning to feel pepper was telling the truth. “I came in this morning to find she hadn’t slept again last night and I brought her pancakes. She cried into my neck for about an hour before I managed to get her to eat something and take a nap. She has been inconsolable and afraid you two wouldn’t come home to her this time.” Wanda and Natasha were feeling awful and nat ran her hands through her damp hair.

“Then you two come in and break her all over again.”

“Why didn’t she tell us.” Wanda said her voice breaking.

“She thought she needed to be strong. She thinks hero’s cant have anxiety she was afraid you would leave her for less. Don’t you get it? She loves you so much she almost made herself sick waiting like a sick puppy for you to come home.” Pepper said “you better go start apologising now. I saw she was before and I would hate to see her now.”

Wanda nodded and took Nat’s hand walking down the hall to the room and knocking on the door three times.

“Go away pepper.” You sobbed choking on the words.

“Its us.” They said and you stilled. Rubbing your eyes and standing on shaky legs. You opened the door your face masking all emotion despite your red and puffy eyes and tear tracks.

“What do you want” you said shoving everything down.

“Aww baby.” Wanda cooed when she saw your face. She pulled you into a hug and her heart broke when you stiffed. Nat began to run her hands through your hair as Wanda picked you up sitting on the bed with you in her lap.

“My sweet girl we are so so so so sorry baby. And we will spend ever day for the next fifty years doing our best to make up for it.” Wanda said and Nat nodded eagerly.

“But-but- you don’t love me anymore.” You said burning your face in your hands as the tears started again. Wanda cooed and pulled your hands from your face pulling you back the back of your neck into her shoulder and running her hands through your hair.

“Baby we love you so so much.”

“More than you know.” Nat agreed. “And we are so sorry and we hope you can forgive us.”

“And we understand in you need time.” Wanda said begging to peel you off her stopping when you choked out a broken sob.

“Please don’t leave me” you cried. And Wanda stopped pulling you in tightly to calm you down she motion for nat to join. Wanda turned your body so you were laid on her chest body flush to hers. Nat came and sandwiched you wrapping her arms under Wanda with her body on both yours and Wanda’s.

“My sweet girls.” Wanda said. As she brushed the hair from your eyes as you cried into her chest.

“We are never going to leave you alone like that again. And I’m sorry we didn’t notice sooner.” Nat said.

“‘S ok” you slurred slightly.

Wanda shook her head “no baby its not we didn’t even let you explain.” Your body shook slightly and Wanda pulled a blanket over the three of you.

“We’re here now love. You can sleep we wont go anywhere my sweet. You look exhausted. Close those pretty eyes for me.” She said stroking your cheek. You let out a low sleepy hum and your eyes drifted closed all the emotions of the day had exhausted you. You barely registered the door open slightly and pepper came to check on you and Wanda mouthed ‘thank you’ to her. Pepper nodded and used to fingers to point into her eyes then at Wanda and nat in a ‘I’m watching you’ motion with no real malice behind it. It was an honest mistake and she knew it. You jiggled slightly as Wanda’s chest moved with a chuckle the vibrations lulling you deeper into sleep. Carefully pepper shut the door. Comfy and feeling safe you slept in the arms of your girls. And for once the anxiety was nowhere to be found in any of even the darkest corners of your mind. Their love lighting up all the parts that hid the darkness from them.

MASTERLIST

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goomens · 8 months

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the confession literally plays on a loop in my head all day every day. i’m ok i’m fine i’m ok

#it makes me sick it makes me ecstatic it makes me feral it makes me sad it makes me anxious and worried and hopeful and #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #goodomens #david tennant #michael sheen #aziraphale x crowley #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands

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sp00kymulderr · 1 year

Text

our house of flames

Part 1 - Spark

series masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader (no pronouns)

Warnings: M, heavy details of grief, blood, implied canon typical violence, suicidal thoughts, injury, trauma, reader is dealing with death of a loved one, general sadness, kissing. Please let me know if I missed any.

Word Count: 3.2k

Summary: Years after the outbreak the unthinkable happens and you lose the person who means the most to you. You’ve chosen to give up when Joel Miller finds you and decides to take you in, but is he the best person to help you deal with your grief?

A/N: Whilst this part is M rated, future parts will be very much 18+. This was meant to be v simple pwp but became a different beast entirely oops. If you like it please please comment and/or reblog. To follow for fic updates only go to @sp00kyupdates or see taglist details on my masterlist

When Joel had found you, you’d thought it was the end.

In some ways you’d hoped it was.

In the years since the outbreak, everything had changed – you’d learnt to fight, to fend for yourself, to trust few and to hold on to those you cared for with everything you had. That was how it had to be now, so different from before. Those people – the ones you loved – had dwindled dramatically over time. Most were lost to the cordyceps, some to hunters or raiders until eventually it was just you and her, your closest friend through life and hell.

You’d spent over a year just the two of you, drifting from town to town looking for somewhere safe, secure, somewhere to rest your heads for more than a few hours. You’d heard rumours of strongholds you desperately wanted to find, but with the infected population increasing by terrifying numbers it was becoming more and more impossible to imagine a haven in this new world.

So while you’d searched and tried not to yearn for what you might find you’d both learnt instead to survive as ghosts, to keep quiet and out of sight – alive and uninfected.

Until you’d made a mistake.

One that cost a life.

Joel had found you blood-stained and afraid, stuck still in a state of shock. You were shivering violently, huddled down next to a body that you couldn’t seem to look at. Blood on your hands, blood on your clothes, it was starting to pool in the snow. The sticky red of it was making you sick. A gun lay thrown to your other side, muzzle partially buried in the snow.

Your breath ragged, puffing out in white clouds as you heaved with panic, and he had looked at you with cold eyes as you shuddered on the icy ground. You were more than sure that he was another threat – another monster – but you were too adrift to run for your life, too lost now to find a way out of this.

You had sobbed, pathetic and broken, and waited for the man to kill you. You thought perhaps it was all you deserved, to die here beside the last person you had cared about. And the man did aim his pistol at you, his first instinct taking over.

Holding up your hands in defeat, those red stained traitorous hands of yours, you watched almost lifeless as he rifled through your pack. You sniffled, the flow of tears streaming steady down your cheeks.

So this was what surviving had gotten you.

“Please” you had sobbed and wiped your cheeks, smearing them red-tinged. He had placed the pack back down having not taken anything from it. You had nothing he needed you guessed. You had nothing, after all.

“Please” again, and truthfully you didn’t know if you were asking him to end your life or spare it.

He’d looked at you then, properly, and you felt you saw pity in the eyes of this stranger. He remained pointing the pistol at you but something had made him hesitate. For a few moments there was only the puff of your still panicked breath, his much calmer and floating above you in disappearing wisps.

“You bit?” he asked, and was clearly relieved when you shook your head. “She was bit, right?” he waved the gun in the direction of the body you dare not look towards.

“She was...she...we were so careful. We were – She just couldn’t outrun them…” you couldn’t say it, not fully, but the missing parts of your words provided the answer for him.

You’d looked up at him then, with wide eyed fear from the horrors you’d seen and watched the man take a long breath, thinking something over.

“I’m sorry” he murmured, hesitant. You braced for the kill shot then, but all that had come was a sigh as he lowered the gun.

He extended a hand, it had shocked you – scared you more than the thought of dying. You flinched, and he just stayed like that, offering his help.

“It’s alright” he muttered “I ain’t gonna hurt you. Looks like you’ve already been through hell” he looked to the scene before him. The blood and the tears and the discarded gun somewhere to your left.

You had finally, nervously, taken his hand and let him pull you up from the ground. You didn’t look behind you, but you saw him eye you and then reach down for your pack and the gun that you never wanted to have to touch again.

“You got anyone else...anyone waiting on you?” he asked, and you saw a sympathy in his eyes when you shook your head timidly.

“Why...why are you helping me?” you questioned cautiously, voice barely there. You had screamed it away.

He didn’t answer, just handed you your pack – but not the gun – and told you “I got a place to sleep, sheltered, gonna be there a few days hopefully before I move on again. You can come with me, while you get your bearings”

“I don’t understand” you stood away from him, wary and confused and he just waited, too calm.

“You’ve been through something. Way I see it, leaving you on your own out here to die – that would be cruel...there’s infected out here, and worse. I’m not blind, you’ve given up fighting – you’re scared and alone. I’ve got enough humanity left in me to know you need help” he had shrugged and started walking.

And maybe it had been foolish, but you followed him. Because what he’d said, how he’d said it, it sparked something in you.

Hope.

If only you’d known how dangerous hope could be.

***

Three weeks later, and you were starting to feel like a person again. Not the person you had once been, no, they were never coming back to you. But more than a husk, with perhaps at least part of your soul intact.

Beyond all odds, the man had spared you. He had helped you, taken you back to shelter and patched you up. Sure, he’d checked you for bites – never quite believing your words for himself – and it had been humiliating to let him inspect you like that but you couldn’t blame him for not trusting you.

Trust was earned, and not often in a world like this one.

“You’re good” he had said, passing your clothes back, and though you hadn’t quite found relief in that you were at least grateful he wouldn’t put you down the way you had had to…

He hadn’t spoken much, in those few weeks between finding you and now. His name was Joel, he had told you between bites of some miserable canned beans, but that was about all you got from him in the first week. Slowly, ever so slowly you had earned tiny snippets of information from him, but it all felt trivial in the shadow of whatever agony he must’ve lived through to be here now. Everyone had gone through something, and he wore his woe like a heavy cloak that he had no choice but to bear.

You learned that Joel was gruff, controlled, clearly capable of enduring on his own, but there was something else to him too – a sadness you knew better than to talk about. A part of him was missing, you could feel it in everything he did and maybe it should’ve scared you but he had saved you, and you would always see that in him first and foremost.

He was ruthless, too. And you realised very soon that you had been lucky in your fate with him. You learnt quickly of his ferociousness, his base violence, when some raiders had caught up with you and his eyes had gone black – soul leaving him as he did what he had to to survive. You tried not to think about it, about how he surrendered his humanity in those moments of blood and pain and horror and did what needed to be done. He was like another person entirely, you wondered if he even realised it sometimes.

It is all about surviving, though. You see that now, being alone in a way you haven’t been in the last 10 years. The goal now is only to survive, and you could do that with violence like Joels or you could die...or worse. You know in reality he isn’t good, but really what is good now? Does it even really exist? In the time before the outbreak it had all seemed so clear cut but now the morality of good and evil was so blurred and frayed at the edges, the word had so little true meaning to those still breathing. You know he would’ve killed you if he had to, if you had given him a reason, but still it is difficult to be truly scared of his brutality when you know he is the lesser of many, many worse things out there. So maybe you could not call him good, but his heart persists in spite of his wrongs and that matters the most.

Besides, the moments he didn’t have to be steely and cold he happened to be quite nice. Certainly not sunshine and rainbows, but he looked out for you while you travelled together. And even though he was no conversationalist he never once let you feel left completely alone. In his own way, he was kind and caring and full of compassion that he perhaps hid from himself. Every day since meeting you had felt this string of connection forming between the two of you, barely seen thing string but it was there. It felt like you shared something deep, something between your souls that you didn’t expect to find anywhere other than with her. It terrified you.

Every few days, you moved to a new location. He had told you he was travelling north, and you’d said you’d leave him soon but you both knew you weren’t going anywhere, just sticking along for the journey. You had no where else to be after all.

Tonight, you’re staying in another abandoned house in what was once a small, active town. It’s empty, everything is empty, and even though you know no one is coming back to the house it feels like a violation every time you step inside what had once been a home. It makes you shiver, walking through the dark rooms with the dust lining everything, rising and settling as you move through. Once upon a time, not really that long ago at all, the place might have been full of light and dreams and life. And now it is a roof over a head for you and Joel, a place for you to lay your head and pray not to dream or die.

“Hey” you hear him call in that low voice from another room “Boots. Should fit you”

“Score” you make your way to the bedroom, where he’s holding up an old pair of walking boots that, yes, look about your size. They’re tatty but wearable, and your current shoes are in dire need of replacement.

You sit on the bed behind you, sinking on to the soft mattress, and pull off your shoes to try on the others. It feels wrong, but you have to remind yourself no one is ever coming back to claim them. Joel doesn’t seem to have those thoughts, and you envy him for it.

He smiles as you tug on the boots, just a small smile but it sends something jolting through you.

You look at him for a moment, as he busies himself with checking through the rest of the room for any supplies you can use. Joel is handsome, there is absolutely no denying that, even with the dirt and the sweat and the scruff. He looks tired, desperately so, but even so his dark brown eyes have this shine to them, and his smile though rare is a gorgeous thing. You’ve thought about him, of course you have. When you had met you hadn’t noticed it but the more time you spend with him the more you see him. The more you feel for him. He is beautiful.

You feel a pang, and it’s horribly like guilt, as you think of him like that. Is it wrong, so soon after losing someone, to want someone else in your life? It feels wrong, like sin even though doesn’t make sense. You’re relationship with her had been full of love but it had only been platonic, yet it still feels like...like you’re being selfish, letting her go. It feels like a great betrayal and it stabs you through the heart.

In a moment the grief spills like a mighty flood threatening to consume everything in it’s wake. You stop still in tying the laces of the boots as you feel your breathing quicken in panic. There’s a sting in your eyes but know you wouldn’t cry yet. You can’t breathe, but you won’t cry. Can’t cry. You call the tears back in. Those tears are saved for when you are alone; in the moments when you wait for him to come back from a hunt or a scout, when you sit on the forest floor or on a sad, dusty, long-forgotten chair on your own and panic at the feeling of being by yourself. That is the time for misery, not here. Not now.

“You ok?” he turns to you concerned, noticing the change in your demeanour.

You clear your throat and nod, comforted by the way the tone of his deep, sad, voice speak volumes more than his words do. He worries about you, he does. He cares about you, even though he probably doesn’t mean to. It helps, calms you a little.

You’ve both kept your distance for all these weeks, only close when you need to be, but when you don’t answer he comes to sit right besides you. He’s warm. His body is warm. You’ve felt it at night when you share a bed or when he was showing you how to shoot better, but right now he’s just sitting there besides you his shoulder gently bumping yours and you feel the sweep of comforting warmth.

“I’m fine. I just…They’re good boots”

He lets out a grunt of a laugh.

“They must be damn good” he smiles barely but doesn’t press for a real answer.

The grief is a monster that holds you by the throat, and you are relieved he doesn’t make you give name to it.

Joel knows all about not talking about your pain, after all. You feel it every day and every time things get even a little more personal between the two of you as you slowly slowly inch closer together. He’s holding back on something and trying so hard to pretend it’s not there but what he doesn’t seem to realise is it’s always there. In those quiet moment where you’re just sitting, just trying to get through another harsh night.

***

Tonight you agree to share the large bed with the soft mattress in this house that will never again be anyone's home. He never insisted but you agree it’s safer if you’re both trying to sleep that you’re not separated. Usually you’d split a watch shift and sleep alone but you’ve been walking for miles, you’re sore and tired and miserable in your own little ways.

So you share the bed and to being with you keep your ever-dwindling distance as always but tonight...tonight is different. You drift a little closer than before, unintentional but god you just need the comfort of human touch or something right now. Your body begs for it ever since that crashing wave of heartache engulfed you earlier.

You’re filled with the need to erase that feeling. To replace it with something better, something warmer and kinder. It scares you how much you crave to feel his hands on you, how much you want him to wrap his arms around you. It scares you because you’re not even sure if you can face it – intimacy – or the rejection of it.

Still you move closer and you feel him move on his side of the bed...closer or further away? You can’t bring yourself to look.

“Joel?” you whisper after a breath, hoping he’s sleeping.

He kind of grunts a response and you don’t know what to say next so you don’t say anything. The air moves around you in gripping quiet.

“You alright?” he asks in to the silence, the enveloping dark.

He waits for your answer and you lose yourself in his steadiness. How does he do it? How does he manage to appear so composed even when you both know he isn’t? You want to cry or scream or rip your flesh from your bones. Something to stop all this noise in your head.

Silence still and he doesn’t move, doesn’t ask again. You think he’s probably settling back in to sleep and maybe you should just leave him be.

“Does it ever hurt less?” you whisper and your voice shakes. You regret it immediately. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to talk about things like that, he’s never even brought up the past.

He sucks in a breath, quiet, but doesn’t answer and you curl in on yourself. The desire to run floods you, the desire to be anything but you; to be strong and unaffected and more like him. You feel the prickle of tears in your eyes and it makes you hate yourself, hate your grief and your guilt and her for making you hurt like this.

And then you hate yourself even more.

“I’m sorry, darlin’….Wish I could lie to you but..” he sighs and you feel the shift of the mattress as he turns towards you. After a long pause and what you think is a hitched breath you feel the press of his large hand at your waist. “It’ll hurt forever”.

“How…” you force back the tears “How do you live with it?”

“You keep trying” his voice is thick with compassion and something else, “You find a way”.

You just nod and let him pull you closer, his body curving around yours, the weight of his arm over you making you let out a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding. You wipe away those treacherous tears and focus on just the feeling of him. It’s more than you had imagined. More than you’d dared to think about. His breath is warm on the back of your neck and it floods every part of you.

He lets out a sigh that sounds like relief. You feel something in him start to relax, just a little.

You want the pain to go away so desperately, at least for this moment. And so does he.

And so, he turns your head gently, thumb under your chin. You feel it leaving you already, some of the anger and pain. His face is above yours for maybe three seconds that feel like an eternity and then he’s kissing you. It’s soft, his lips are chapped but it doesn’t bother you. The kiss envelops you and the air around the two of you shifts.

Everything is pulled away.

Even if just for the briefest moment, he helps you let it go.

#Joel miller x reader #joel miller #pedro pascal #fanfic #reader insert #our house of flames #i feel sick posting this lmao i am too anxious abt posting fics now #gideon writes again maybe

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