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stvharrngton · 1 year

Note

Are you still doing requests from the smut prompt? If so here’s one

“i wanna fuck you right against the glass so everyone can see how good you take it”

anon i’m so sorry i got a little carried away with this one oops i hope you enjoy! thank you to @sweetiestevie for giving me a lil inspo for this ily 🥺💖

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 3.3k

warnings: smut, 18+ minors dni, softdom!steve, oral (f receiving), choking, a sprinkle of exhibitionism 🤌

prompt: “i wanna fuck you right against the glass so everyone can see how good you take it” from this list (x)

Steve loved to spoil you at every chance he got. Small gifts and trinkets that reminded him of you, a bouquet of roses here and there. He never let you pay for a single date, ever.

So when he proposed a weekend getaway to the big city, fancy hotel, fancy dinner, he wouldn’t take no for an answer. The trusty BMW taking you out of Hawkins, Indiana to the bright lights that seemed like a dream.

He’d been all over you all day, clingier, more affectionate than usual and that was saying something. His hand only leaving your thigh to handle the gear shift. He’d lean over to press his lips to yours at every stop light, smiling into every kiss.

Steve’s hands never left your waist as you walked into the hotel lobby, a palm on the small of your back ushering you into the elevator ride to one of the top floors. His lips pressing chaste kisses to your neck and shoulder, your eyelids fluttering closed at the feeling.

The piercing chime of the elevator signaled you were at your floor, your fingers lacing with Steve’s to pull him down the hallway to your room. He fumbled for the room key, turning the metal in the lock before pulling you inside.

You both collapsed on the bed, you straddling Steve’s lap, knees either side of his thighs. His strong arms snaked around your waist as he pulled you into him, his lips pressed to yours in a heavy make out session, a slow roll of your hips over his own. Nothing more, nothing less.

Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, your breath hitched in your throat as you pulled yourself off the boy. Giggling as he chased your lips with his own.

“Steve,” you chuckled.

“Just a few more minutes honey, come on,” he groaned, burying his face in the crook of your neck, lips pressing wet kisses there.

“Steve,” you tried again, “we have a reservation!” Freeing yourself from his grip, you stood making your way towards the bathroom.

He sighed, body collapsing back against the plush pillows and you couldn’t help but laugh at him, “What?” you pouted, “You don’t wanna take me to dinner in a pretty little dress, Stevie?”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, baby, I swear.”

But he didn’t stop there. Fingers twirling in your hair, hands massaging your shoulders as you sat in front of the vanity. Arms snaking around your waist as Steve rested his chin on your shoulder, watching for your reaction in the mirror.

You peeled your boyfriend off you and locked yourself in the bathroom to change your clothes. You knew there was no way in hell you’d be leaving this hotel room if you didn’t.

When you re-emerged into the room, you caught a glimpse of Steve adjusting his tie in the mirror, you smirked to yourself when you saw him stare at you. You made your way over to the bed, perching on the edge to put your shoes on, strappy heels in tow.

As you positioned your foot in the first shoe Steve came barrelling over, “Woah, let me? Baby, please?”

You rolled your eyes at his gesture but let him anyway, palms gripping the edge of the bed as you watched him buckle up the straps of your shoe, a kiss pressed to each ankle once he was done.

Steve’s warm palms wrapped around your calves, hands rubbing up and down until they reached your thighs. He squeezed them gently, lips pressing soft kisses to your knees. His fingers ventured a little higher under the hem of your dress, skimming up and down the slit that was situated at the thigh.

His breath hitched in his throat when his fingers brushed over the skin where the hem of your panties would usually sit, cheeks flushing a little pink, tongue darting out to wet his lips.

“I think you’re forgetting something, pretty” he hushed, lips kissing up your thigh, fingers pushing your dress further up your legs not-so-subtly.

Steve’s lips followed his fingers, inching ever closer to your bare core. Your skin shivered under his touch, eyes a little hazy as they glanced over at the clock once more.

You sighed, bringing your foot up to his shoulder, pushing him back gently until he sat on his knees, “We’re gonna be late.” is all you said.

Steve didn’t let up at dinner either, touches still teasing, words still filthy. He sat the same side of the table as you now, insisting it was so he could share your dessert.

But his fingers were on you once more discreetly under the table, tracing circles on the inside of your thigh, lips against your ear whispering sweet nothings, “My pretty girl, look so beautiful tonight, baby.”

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks as you shifted under his touch, Steve’s fingers dangerously close to your pussy under the table, a whimper escaping your lips as his thumb brushed over your clit.

Steve smirked into your cheek, nose pressing into your skin, “You wanna be a little show off, hm? Not wearing any panties to a fancy restaurant,” he tsked, “I’ll show you off, baby, if you want me to,” his lips pressed to that spot behind your ear now, “fuck you in front of the whole damn city.”

Your breath hitched in your throat at how calm his voice was despite what he was saying to you. Thumb pressing harshly into your clit, your shaky hand reaching for the half full glass of champagne.

You held the glass to your lips as Steve whispered, “You wanna get outta here?”

You nodded gingerly, Steve’s fingers reaching for your glass, setting it back down on the table. He pinched your chin between his thumb and finger, spinning your jaw so he could press his lips to yours. The kiss was hot and heavy, a little more than the people dining in the restaurant needed to see.

It was a miracle you made it back to your hotel room with all your clothes still on. Steve’s hands were all over you, his lips a whirlwind, pressing wet kisses to any exposed skin he could find.

Letting the door shut behind him with a click, you pulled the boy back down to you by his tie. Fingers curling around the black material as your lips crashed together. Steve grasped your waist, kissing you harder, deeper as he walked you back to the bed.

You felt the sheets hit the back of your knees as Steve pulled away from you, “Turn around, sweet girl,” pressing a kiss to your cheek, “hands and knees.”

Anticipation coursed through your body as you obliged, crawling onto the bed, knees planted firmly into the mattress, hands spread on the sheets as you arched your back.

“Fuck,” Steve muttered, hands gripping your thighs as he pushed your dress up your body so it sat around your waist. Your cunt in full view.

His long fingers teased your folds, gathering up your slick and spreading it over your pussy, the pads of his fingers brushing over your swollen clit.

“Such a pretty pussy, baby,” he groaned, pointer finger teasing your entrance, “bet you’ve been dripping this whole time, hm?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you whined, “all for you, Steve.”

Steve chuckled behind you, palms grabbing your ass, pushing and pulling the flesh. Watching with hazy eyes as your pussy fluttered before him. Steve licked a flat stripe from your clit to your hole, tip of his tongue teasing your entrance.

You mewled at the sensation of his tongue on you, moans muffled by the sheets your face was pressed into. Steve kept his hands on your ass, fingers digging into your skin with a bruising grip.

The boy ate your pussy like a man starved, puffy pink lips mouthing at your cunt, tongue licking and swirling. Steve was groaning into your folds; a mix of your slick and his spit covering his mouth and chin.

He slipped his pointer finger into your pussy, curling and stretching you just right, his lips sucking on your clit harshly. You clenched around his finger, the coil in your lower stomach tightening and twisting.

Steve added a second finger, your walls sucking him in. He pulled his mouth from you for a second, “That feel good baby? Taste so sweet.” he cooed.

Your eyes rolled back in pleasure, both at his ministrations and his words. You moaned into the sheets, hips trying to rut back against Steve’s mouth, “Yeah, Stevie, yes,” you cried, “feels so good, love your tongue.”

Steve hummed at your response, palm slapping your ass as you tried to grind your cunt on him, “Doing so good baby, such a good girl f’me.” His fingers continuing to pump in and out of you.

His hips rut against the bed at your soft moans and sweet whines, cock hard and aching beneath the confines of his pants. Steve replaced his fingers with his tongue now, the muscle lapping at your hole, fingers switching to your clit again.

He moaned into your pussy, rubbing sloppy circles on your clit, eyes squeezed shut at the pleasure he was giving you.

“‘M so close, Stevie,” you whimpered, “please, wanna cum.”

Steve groaned, “Come on, angel, lemme hear it,” fingers rubbing faster on your clit now, “sound so pretty when you cum.”

White hot pleasure rolled through your body as your thighs shook, chants of Steve’s name spilling past your lips as you fisted the white sheets. Your back arched deliciously as Steve continued to lick at you, coaxing you through your orgasm.

His mouth stayed on your pussy, tongue still softly licking at your juices, the sensation causing you to writhe on the bed, the burn becoming too hot, “Steve, s’too much.” you yelped.

Steve chuckled softly, hands coming to soothe the skin of your ass as he pulled off you. Your body collapsed on the bed, rolling on your back as Steve crawled over you, nestling between your thighs.

He cupped your cheek sweetly, lips brushing against your own, tasting yourself on his kiss. Your hands were braced on his shoulders, traveling down to rest on his biceps, squeezing lightly.

Steve pulled off you for a moment, fingers working to loosen his tie and yours fumbled to open his button up, working fast and eagerly. Once he was able to rid himself of his shirt and tie, Steve was back on you in a flash.

Large palms skimming up and down your waist. Mouth and tongue kissing and licking from your neck to your collarbones, fingertips caressing your tits over the material of your dress.

“Fuck,” Steve breathed, “you’re beautiful,” he pressed his lips to yours once more in a sweet kiss, fingers finding your clit again.

You keened beneath him at the stimulation, the remnants of your first orgasm still rolling through your body, mouth parting to sigh into Steve’s mouth.

“Steve,” you whined.

“Tell me what you want, baby,” he hushed, lips pressing wet kisses all over your face as his fingers continued to rub at your clit.

“Want you,” you muttered, eyelashes fluttering against your hot cheeks. The coil in your stomach twisting again, “need your cock, baby, please.”

Steve smirked against your skin, lips upturning against your cheek. He stood back now looking at your figure on the bed.

You looked so fucked out, lips wet and cheeks red, hair splayed out against the sheets. The straps of your dress pulled down your shoulders as your legs were still spread wide, pussy dripping onto the sheets.

“C’mere,” Steve held his hand out for you and you took it, standing on wobbly legs in the boy’s arms. His fingers worked the zipper of your dress down your body, pushing the satin material down until it pooled at your feet.

You stepped out of it carefully, your fingers raking through Steve’s hair as your lips crashed together once more. Lips melding together perfectly, swallowing each other’s sighs. Steve fumbled with his belt, the clink of the metal sounding throughout the room. Hands shoving his pants down his legs.

Steve hissed as the cool air hit his aching cock, vein throbbing and tip a pretty pink, pre-cum leaking from the slit. His hand wrapped around his length, pumping himself a few times, letting a throaty groan tumble past his lips.

You watched with hazy glassy eyes as Steve touched himself, swallowing thickly. His hands moved to the back of your thighs, urging you to jump. Your legs wrapped around your waist as you slung your arms over his shoulders.

Steve kept you close with his hands on your ass, the tip of his nose brushing along the bridge of your own as he lowered his lips to yours, tongue licking into you all pretty.

Your eyes fluttered shut into the kiss as Steve walked you over to somewhere else in the room. A squeal slipping past your lips as your back hit the cool of the large hotel room window.

Eyes shooting open, Steve lined his cock up with your entrance, his tip sliding through your folds. He chuckled at your reaction,

“I wanna fuck you right against the glass so everyone can see how good you take it.”

You whimpered at his admission as he pushed past your entrance, your walls wrapping tightly around him. You both moaned into the quiet of the room at the feeling of Steve stretching you out. Fingernails digging into the skin of his broad shoulders, Steve’s face buried in the crook of your neck.

Steve started the slow roll of his hips into your own, his cock pumping in and out of you sweetly. His lips pressing wet kisses into the skin of your neck, whines blubbering past your lips at how deep he was sat inside you.

“Feel so good baby, wrapped around my cock,” Steve groaned, hips moving a little faster now as the glass began to steam up from the warmth of your body.

Moaning, your fingers tugged at Steve’s locks, “Fuck, feel so deep, Stevie,” teeth taking your bottom lip in, “so full of your cock.”

Your words spurred him on, as if he wanted to go deeper, to fill you up even more. Even buried inside you, Steve yearned to be impossibly closer to you.

His hips slammed into your cunt, his skin hitting the backs of your thighs deliciously, he groaned, “Wanna turn around for me, pretty girl?”

Your body tingled at the thought of being pressed against the window for everyone to see as Steve fucked into you from behind. You nodded timidly as Steve pulled out, a needy whine from your lips at the loss of him inside you.

Setting you back on the ground Steve spun you, hands braced on the thick glass as your chest pressed against it. The cool of the window against your nipples only adding to the slick pooling between your thighs.

Steve brushed your hair from your shoulder, pressing chaste kisses into your neck as he whispered, “Want everyone to see how good I fuck you,” his hands danced over your bare body, “see what a good girl you are for me, hm?”

“Steve,” you moaned, a desperate, needy sound keening from your lips. You wiggled your hips, ass rutting back against his thick cock.

He chuckled from behind you, fingers gripping your flesh, “That’s my girl.”

You were flush against the glass, ass sticking out a little as Steve lined himself up again. Tip gliding through your arousal before pushing into you right to the hilt.

His hips were flush against your ass as he pulled you back into him, pulling out almost completely before going back in again, watching as your pussy swallowed his cock, walls clenching around him.

Steve rocked his head back, eyes squeezed shut as he let out the most delicious moan behind you. You watched his bleary reflection from the window, coil tightening from the sight.

“Fuck,” he groaned, hips thrusting faster now, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed throughout the hotel room, “take my cock so well, baby, so fucking good, Christ.”

You mewled at his words, hot breath fanning against the glass as your hand snaked down your body so your fingers could rub at your clit. Steve groaned at the sight, his cock bullying it’s way in and out of your cunt.

He snaked his arm around your middle, pulling your back flush against his chest, fucking you deeper, harder. His soft lips kissed at the skin below your ear as his hips were unrelenting. His hand traveled up your chest, palm groping at your tits and toying with your nipples.

Steve’s hand kept going until his fingers were curled around your throat, squeezing lightly. Your eyes rolled back as tears began to creep into your lash line, mouth parting letting out a sweet little rasp.

“Oh, baby,” he cooed, “you like that? Like when I choke you a little?” He felt you nod and he smirked, lips kissing on your neck, “Doing so good f’me pretty, taking this cock like a fucking champ.”

You felt the familiar creep of your orgasm coming around again, “Yeah, Stevie,” you whined, your fingers rubbing faster at your clit now, “‘m gonna cum, please can I cum?”

He sucked gently on your shoulder, a groan rumbling from his chest, “Again? Shit, you dirty little thing,” he moved both hands to your hips now, pulling you back into his cock, “go ‘head, baby, want you to cum.”

And just like that your tether snapped, your vision bleary as white hot pleasure washed over your shaking body. You whined yesyesyes over and over as Steve continued to fuck into you, his own fingers replacing your own on your clit.

“Shit,” he groaned, “good girl, good fucking girl.” Hands stroking all over your body soothingly as you rode out your high, chest heaving as your breath fanned against the glass.

You winced and moaned incoherently as Steve’s cock continued to pound into you from behind, his tip stroking that pretty spot deep inside you with every thrust. The sensation was overwhelming, white hot and burning.

“Sh,” he cooed, “I know, baby, I know,” thumbs stroking in circles over your hips, “‘m almost there.”

Steve bucked his hips, thrusts becoming mismatched and sloppy, his own orgasm right about the corner. His thighs clenched as he pulled your back to his chest, the scratch of his chest hair making you whine.

“Fucking hell,” he whined, a high pitch moan spilling past his lips, “can feel you squeezing me, sweetheart,” he whispered in your ear, “gonna fuck this little pussy ‘till I cum, gonna stuff you full, baby.”

You whimpered, “Please, baby, please,” tears rolling down your cheeks at the sensation in your stomach, “want your cum.”

Steve squeezed his eyes shut as you begged for him, thrusts quickening as he chased his high. Abs and stomach contorting as he was on the edge of release, your walls clenching around his thick cock pushing him over the line.

“Oh, fu-uck,” he groaned, moans stringing out fast and mumbled as he fucked his cum into you. Face buried in the crook of your neck as his hips slowed to a stop. His chest sweaty and panting, pressed flush to your back.

He hissed as he pulled out from you, fingers coming to push his cum back into your pussy. You whimpered are the overstimulation, your cunt raw from his cock.

Steve spun you around to face him. His strong arms cradling your wrecked body to his, lips pressed sweet butterfly kisses all over your face.

“Think we should have a nice warm bath, hm? That sound good, baby?” he whispered, hands petting your hair softly.

You nodded, voice not able to string any words together still.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fluff #stranger things fic #stranger things smut #k.fic #request #i went a little crazy i’m sorry

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fatuismooches · 10 months

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I saw ur response about that arranged marriage au with Capitano and i can't stop myself from laughing just thinking about his soldier teaching him "How To Communicate with Your Lover 101" 😂

Like, imagine his soldiers asking him to demonstrate of how he usually express his love to reader 🤣 so, one of the fatui soldier decided to act as "his lover" and.. Oh boy, it went REALLY awkward bcs he just *STARES* at them like he is a monster staring into their prey's soul 😭

When they ask Capitano about it "..my lord, is that your way of expressing your affection towards your lover every single day?" and when he said yes, all of them just facepalm'd so hard and internally screaming "HOW THE HECC YOU EVEN THINK THAT AS 'SHOWING AFFECTION'-" 💀😭 Dear Tsaritsa, he has a long way to go.

I feel bad for the soldier tho, imagine u have to deal with so many things since u are a Fatui and then u have to help ur Captain with his love problems 😭

I'm sorry if this is messy but omg Smooches thank u for feeding me more Capitano brainrot bcs god... i REALLY want him so bad 😭😭 I hope u are doing well and have a great day! 💓🙏🛐

-🥝

RAHHHH I LOVE THIS!!! Fatui soldiers being the best wingmen for their boss. + If we think about it there's probably a book in Tevyat related to couples communication/advice 101, the soliders probably tell him that it might be more helpful than them (they're not sure how much longer they can last in this conversation) Capitano ends up purchasing multiple and now he reads them alone in his office and internally he thinks "damn couples actually do this? i messed up 😭 they hate me now 😭"

That poor soldier, being in the Captain's presence is already hard enough but having him standing in front of you, staring into the depths of your soul without a word?? They're not sleeping tonight. And now the soldiers have an amazing story to tell around the campfire at least, the time the 1st Harbinger demonstrated his ways of affection in front of them.

And he just keeps staring until one of the soldiers has the courage to interrupt and ask him if that's really how he shows affection and Capitano just... nods like it's normal. And now Capitano is not an idiot because he can still clearly see how his soldiers are scratching their heads awkwardly and sending each other strange looks, and he immediately knows that this was not a good demonstration in the slightest. He would just clear his throat and be like "ahem. apologies for wasting your time. back to training." And then the soldiers would honestly feel bad and throw him a little advice like "sir, maybe you should gift them something nice to show your appreciation for them." 🥺 "or perhaps lord capitano, maybe a letter would be nice!"

Though these good ideas he's still a bit lost, because 1. he doesn't know what you like very well, and he doesn't want to accidentally gift you something bad. But then he realizes he can just ask the attendants! Yes, this is going good. As for the letter... he wonders what he should ask you. Are you doing well? Normally these are questions you ask someone in person, especially since you two live in the same house... but you seem to be a bit on edge while he's around. Maybe writing it down will be easier for you too! Hopefully you'll respond.

No thank YOU for feeding me this omg you make me love Capitano 1000000x more ily 💖💖 I hope you're doing well too 🥝 anon mwah!

#smooches talks #🥝 anon #capitano love notes <3 #UR MAKING ME BRAINROT ABT HIM SMMMM AHHH😭😭🙏#THE *STARES* IS SO FUNNY TO ME #literally canon tho bro thinks he's flirting but instead he's partaking in intimidation 101 💀

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from-izzy · 5 months

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Your moots as TBZ ships???

hi anon! thank you for sending this in! 💖 sorry it took a while (i think this took more than a fortnight i'm so sorry 😭) because i had to think about it!! i'm doing ones that i talk to frequently or once in a while! to all my moots that i haven't/barely talked to, hmu! (i'm sorry that i'm too shy 😭)

welcome to another episode of '😭-izzy-doesn't-know-how-to-explain-things-and-she's-very-sorry-about-it'

@cloverdaisies - juric

so! you know how juyeon adores eric and juyeon is (arguably) eric's favourite hyung? 😊 they do everything together and is so comfortable around each other despite their age gap? 🥹 well, i mean clo and i are the same age but since around 2022, clo has always just been a writer to me. then out of nowhere, in the spur of the moment and a sudden hit of confidence i told myself "omg! 👀 what if...i just text cloverdaisies, say my greetings, thanks then disappear? if she doesn't respond then alright, at least i said whatever i had to say." yeah...it went well! very well! i love clo! 🤍 so much! 🤍🤍 and i hope she knows that!

@heemingyu - nyusun

ok so...we're just a tiny bit chaotic? 🤷🏻‍♀️ just a tiny bit 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ i think we hide it quite well in group chats (...that's a lie) but when we're on dms...oh yeah...the world really isn't ready for us when we meet 🤭 like sunwoo who adores new and annoys him all the time, i admit that i do it to sana too. but at the same time, like new who is always teasing sunwoo and being crackheads together, that's sana to me 😁 it's just...yeah...i feel like for the sake of world peace, we probably shouldn't meet? and sana should most definitely should not drive 🚗 (just like what new said in his bubble!)

@justalildumpling - sunric

my response to this: so roode 😭 just absolutely roode 😭😭 the audacity to even--but this is saur chaotic sibling energy 🤣 i get what you mean now when you say that we're more like sunwoo and eric rather than an old married couple like jaemin and jeno fr 😮 but also j! aussie aussie aussie! i finally have another friend from aussie that i can annoy if i do come to you (or you come to me...but i don't think j likes me that much though so...) 😟 life is...sad...and i get bullied by j all the time...sigh...☹️

@littleroaes - ppangcob

hmmm...i'll be honest with you, i'm not too sure how to explain this 😭 but! i think we just radiate this kind of energy! 😊 we are both very shy at first and dora is the same as well (in a good way! i will always protect you! 🫂 especially from sana, i promise!) ppangcob is the shy duo of tbz but at the same time, very comfy around each other and others when you get to know them well 🤗 just from our dms and interactions, dora is so silly and funny like girl! thanks for being my first mutual! 💕

@sungbeam - sunkyu

there ain't a lot of words but I'M SO SORRY FOR THE MOMENTARY PAIN AND CONFUSION THAT I PUT YOU THROUGH UMMMM 😭😭 but i am still going to hide (after this, let me say my words first) 🫡 just like sunwoo who auditioned for the company because he saw changmin...that's it! ok bye! i'm leaving! see you!! 😁

@winterchimez - kevcob

...do i need to explain this though? 🤔 but ok i guess i'll do it. so, like i mentioned, i think we're a different kind of soulmate dynamic where you get bullied and teased 😁 and i'm the one that teases you 😁😁 (ily i swear) kind of like kevcob as well 💕 but remember that time when we texted and we sent the same idea and question at the same time?? 🤗 like huh?? no one that i know irl does the things that i do?? this dynamic is so new to me...but i'm so ready for it 🥹 also, what are you waiting for? the stars have spoken? ⭐ book a flight ✈️ to where i am please and thank yew!

@wuahae - bbangju

ok so hear me out 😭 i don't really know how to explain this one either but! just the times when i would cry in vc 🥹 also ask help or something and cat would be like "yes, i have the solution." 🥹 but i'm also just reminded of that time in the concert when younghoon was reading his speech and crying but juyeon was like "it's okay, take your time" 🫂 i just have a feeling cat would do that tbh. we haven't talked much recently but i love you and i hope life is treating you well, cat! 💖

@zzoguri - cobric

me is the crying, emotional mess 😭😭 and moni is the parent that is intently listening to the child, putting in reassuring comments 💬 and trying to calm me down, chipping in their own experiences 🗨️ and telling me that they understand 🫂 moni has always been like that since day 1. i guess it really is true that we're not really strangers 🥹 sorry that we haven't talked much! i do miss you and i hope you're doing well!

#📣 izzy's tag games!#😭 izzy doesn't know how to explain things and she's very sorry about it #🤭 a peak into izzy's thoughts #clo 🎧🤍#sana ☘️🐝#j 🦝🍚#dora 💌💜#beam ✈️🦆#ally my soulmate ❄️🎶#cat 🍮💤#moni 🫶🍊

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howelljenkins · 4 months

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since u have other anons sending you love in ur inbox i wanted to say hi ily 🥰 ive followed you for like 5 years now??? and your blog really opened my eyes to a lot of stuff. like its ok to criticize popular media (sounds silly ik) etc and your college and job applications posts were always really helpful!! im like a year younger thank you i think and i just graduated college last month and now im starting my first full time job next week!!! i sent some asks about taking a full time job with my internship boss and you told me to fight for better basically because i was getting like NO benefits haha but now i’m starting a job that not only offers good benefits but seems to already understand workplace boundaries etc. i have you to thank for that :) also you talking about choosing to be happy kinda opened my eyes fr. like my life isnt perfect by any means but its still pretty lovely and i have a lot to look forward to

anyway i hope you’re healing up alright 💖 sending love

it’s so funny how my tumblr eventually just became an extension of me being the oldest sister.. the entire world is filled with younger siblings for me to bossily tell what to do

#answered #anonymous

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saltymongoose · 2 years

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HI ITS ME CHATTY ANLN HELLO HELLO HELO UMMM SO

ive been kind of sick lately, so iw sorry for nkt talkkng here much :( i make sure to read stuff wverysay though

i wanna know how the boys would reacy to a very weak player, physically weak, and make them crusty too

crusty musty weak scoliosis acne filled coralines dad neck bad eyesight undiagnored neurodivergent sweaty tired player who doesnt bother even getting out of bed, 0h phone 24/7, falling asleep from 3 PM to 8 PM and bad schedule, anxiety, hurting legs, sore, try to pop their fingers and its like those boys just popped right out kf rheir habd, drools in their sleep, stuffy nose, somehow dkesnt manage to speak loud, bad attentjion spam, laughs at your mom jokes, doesnt turn the lights of their room on EVER, BAD BAD POSTURE, somehow is still good at the game and with the strings, fast walker, most pale mf you've ever seen, darkest bags under their eyes, somehow complains about their ankle hurting, artist, and cant sleep still

would the boys still love them😝😝😝😍🥰🥰🥰❤❤❤❤❤💗💓💓💞💕💕💖💖💖 btw ily

-chatty anon

Hey Chatty, I hope you're recovering well. <3 Don't worry about not sending stuff in all the time, you aren't obligated to by any means, I'm just happy to hear from you whenever you feel like sending stuff in. :)

As for how the boys would react to a "crusty, weak Player" that you described so eloquently: yes, the boys would still love them. Honestly, someone like you wouldn't usually survive in Nevada for very long, so I think they're more endeared to your "weakness" than they realize. They'd also be concerned too, of course, and probably try to help you better your health and habits as much as possible, but it's from a place of care.

This means trying to fix your sleep schedule by having you actually go to bed at an appropriate time (maybe bribing you with cuddles, cause they think that might work) and distracting you from your phone. I can also see Doc looking into medication to help your anxiety (but that might take a while since he's hesitant to try any grunt-centered treatment options on a human), and he probably lectures you on your posture cause that's simply not good for your spine. Deimos would probably exploit your sense of humor by telling more bad "your mom" jokes around you just to hear you laugh, and I can definitely see Sanford coming up with some sort of meal plan to help you out on the nutrition side of things. (And maybe massages to help with your soreness? I feel as though he'd be able to do that).

Hank really doesn't know what to do here (a side effect of not caring about anyone else ever), so he'll settle on trying to mimic whatever the others do to the best capacity. He can't tell good jokes or cook, but he's very good at making sure you follow whatever the others are nudging you towards. (i.e. Pulling your shoulder back to make you sit up more, pulling your phone out of your hand and replacing it with his own, or just yanking you into his lap when he thinks you should get some sleep without any distraction.)

Overall, they try to be helpful if you allow them (provided you're fine with them being mother hens), but in any case, you being "crusty" and objectively weak wouldn't stop them from liking you. They're your vessels and you're their Player, their most favored and adored. Their love for you is unconditional, so you shouldn't have any doubts.

#tw: yandere #btw ily2 lmao #ask #i ❤️ anons #chatty anon

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takami-takami · 10 months

Note

V, honey, as someone who’s in a similar boat, you don’t NEED to do anything. If fandom is helping you work through what’s going on, then by all means use it to help you. If it’s making things worse, take a break! That’s what I’m doing! It’s totally fine. At the end of the day, YOU need to be okay, and if that’s incremental, THATS OKAY!! You don’t owe anyone here or anywhere else an explanation. If you want to tell us, that’s fine, but if you don’t? Then don’t! You are deeply cared for by everyone here, a lot of us are in similar positions, we get it. Please just take care of yourself, whatever that looks like. It’s okay to prioritize yourself. It’s okay to do what you need to in order to be okay. I’m sorry your insurance is no longer covering therapy. Talk with your therapist and see what your options are with them- a lot of the times they have payment plans and whatnot so you’re able to keep going.

I hope today is easier, and that you’re able to find time to rest. Drink some water when you get a chance, we love you.

-💖

Thank you 💖 anon, your asks are always very kind and make me feel more grounded!

I will do my very best to keep this in mind!! I think what I need is to like. Not feel obligated to post or write. I think I gotta heal and take some time to myself. But maybe not like a hiatus, just post when I feel like it and not post when I don't.

I hope your break is going well! Take care of yourself too! I'm glad you're putting yourself first too, I'm proud of you 💖!!!

Mwah mwah ily mwah

#I think I'm at the point that is critical. where safety comes first. so i need to take a step back when i can and step forward when it helps #and ONLY when it helps #thank u for the wisdom 💖 i am keeping this in my mind!!!!#💌 asks #💖 anon

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moonjxsung · 5 months

Note

hi star my little moonlit angel 😔💖💖

aa im having like the most stressful week and idk where to talk abt it so i hope you dont mind me dumping for a sec :((

exams are killing me rn and idk if its finals week or my final week cs holy shit i am dying 😭😭

ive been pulling all nighters trying to get all my projects and group studies done and my exams are DEF not helping in my case and idk if ive even been eating properly there's probably a spoiled banana from last week in my bag somewhere atp 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️ (im going mentally insane)

i havent even properly been on tumblr in a while and my social media is blowing up w notifs and dms from friends and ive been too busy to check it either tbh

honestly im hoping itll all turn out well by next week cs is my winter break 🤧

on another note i wanted to dump on my exes when all your anons were doing it but i was too scared to but now i genuinely need to tell u abt this because umm

my fwb is like a super nice guy and ive been friends w him for a while but i recently found out hes rlly good friends with one of my exes ⁉️

basically i asked (my ex) out once and he said yes and i thought we were chill but a few friends ended up asking him if we were dating like two days later without asking me for confirmation first and he said no.. (??)

i assumed he js didnt want like a too public relationship with everyone knowing so to clarify i asked him what was up and he said he ended up having second thoughts on me because his friends called me a red flag and he doesnt like the fact that i have guy friends and im close with them.... (💀💀)

so then i said oh okay..? 😭 and was over it but almost a month later he asked me out and atp he just gave me the icks so i made an excuse saying that i wanna focus on academics and not do anything relationship wise and he said he would wait 😭😭 (he in fact did not pick up the hint!)

then a little over month later he asked me out AGAIN and i said no i dont think i like you anymore sorry and he said oh that's fine and i thought we were chill??

a week later my messages BLEW UP one day and my guy friends were all snitching on him telling me that he's gong around slutshaming me and talking shit abt me for no reason and he said i was desperate and asked him out 3 times when he said no and he was never interested in me in the first place.. and then proceeded to sexualize my body and say weird ass shit abt it to everyone and they believed that i was a desperate whore or smth 😭

this happened a year ago but i was walking down the halls around a month ago and i saw him with his friends so i just rushed past

and his friends were like "oh isnt that the bitch who liked you?" and i heard him say "oh yeah she liked me like a year ago" and then proceeded to sexualize me while i was right fucking there but i dont even want any more drama w him so i dont bother saying anything back or leaking messages or wtv i js hope karma gets back at him 😭

and now idk if i should tell my fwb abt this?? or maybe it doesnt really concern me but it bothers me that hes hanging out with a guy like that and im conflicted on what to do

its not like i have the right to tell him who to be friends with either so 🤷‍♀️

what should i dooo

-《as always, your occasionally appearing but always stalking ☘ annonie》

(p.s. do you have any spotify song reccomendations 🥺🥺)

much lovee

Pooooookie you can always vent here ily ily :(

I’m so sorry to hear you’re stressed from exams :(( I’m rooting for you okay !! Please make sure to eat whenever you can (even if it’s something small!) and stay hydrated :( what’s the use of doing good on finals if your body gives out on you :(

No I feel u on the social media thing I get SO stressed when I have DMs or texts or whatever I just flat out don’t check them. I think I have 200 unread texts rn (it’s been around 1000 at some point) and I know im such a shitty friend but I just cannot respond to them 😭😭 I gotta put me first you guys

WINTER BREAK NEXT WEEK THOOO hang in there baby it’ll get better soon 🥺🫶🫶🫶🫶

OH MY GOD???? Pookie that’s fucking disgusting I’m so sorry you’re dealing with men like that rn???? I had a veryyyy similar situation with a guy who my friend tried to set me up with at a party who kinda liked for a little bit and then when I said I was comfortable being in a relationship he started slutshaming me to everyone under the fucking SUN and apparently he had a discord group where I was just CONSTANTLY the topic of conversation and when I heard about it I cried so hard ☹️ in my case I also had people who were friends with him and I voiced to them that it made me severely uncomfortable. Like the people in my life should know about the people who wronged me (especially if I’m sleeping with them??) and it just made me feel safer. It’s obviously up to you but I would probably tell him just so that he knows that’s someone you’re weary about and you don’t feel safe around ☹️ your safety and your wellbeing is the most important thing pookie ☹️ keep me posted if you need anything at all okay I love you lots and I’m sorry you’re going through this ☹️🫶

Song recs song recs yes here are some I’ve been listening to on repeat all week (there’s only like one kpop song in there but it’s my fav kpop song of all time so TRUST it was gonna make it to the list) I’ve been listening to Glass Animals, TV Girl and M83 on repeat for the entire year I think 😭😭

I love you endlessly okay keep you chin up better days are coming for us !! 🫶🫶🫶🫶 soon it’ll be winter break and you can just sit back and drink hot chocolate and tell me all about it and say you lived through it. Hang in there my love

#☘️ anon #ask

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awkwardlyfangirly · 2 years

Note

ok hello i'm the anon that said you were my fav writer (which still rings true ily💖) and i had this idea and i know you'd be the absolute best at making it into a story (if you want) so leo's got this s/o and they get killed during the events of the movie. well after the kraang are banished and all that april gets him a build a bear kinda teddy bear that was his s/o's fav color with a heartbeat and a voice box of their laughter (hopefully you know what i mean here lol) so leo like cuddles this thing to death every night and brings it with him everywhere he can and he looses it one day or the heartbeat sound stops working and he gets rlly mega freaked out and that's when his bros realize he has a bad attachment to the bear so they try and help him move on as best as he can? does this make sense? i thought of writing it myself but i couldn't hold a candle to your talent so i was hoping you might maybe wanna write about it?? if not it's cool and i appreciate you very much

-💖 anon

ehehe i Love the level of detail u put into this >:))

also you're too kind :')) I've never posted fanfiction before and y'all have been so sweet and encouraging ahhh

okay I've never been to build-a-bear so i just used teddy bear town so i could kinda improvise how it worked! but my google history is still like "build a bear heartbeat" "can you wash build a bear in washing machine" "how does build a bear voice box work" lolol

anywizzles! hope u enjoy! I'm always open to any feedback u guys have, positive or negative - I'd love to be a better writer haha and i appreciate hearing what works and what could be better

/////////////

rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles fanfiction ~ Leo x female self-insert ~ tw/cw: character died in the past; characters dealing with grief and mourning; a graphic nightmare scene <3

/////////////

He still sees her in his dreams.

He doesn’t believe in ghosts, but her memory is sure haunting him, night after night after night.

Every time he dozes off, she’s there.

Sometimes the dreams are sweet: her hands on his face, her lips on his mouth, her voice and her smile and her warmth.

And then she fades away.

He’ll wake up reaching out for her. His hands will stretch after her and he’ll gasp her name and she’ll smile softly and then as more and more consciousness wafts back to him he’s forced to understand, to remember. She’s gone. She’s dead.

And sometimes the dreams are nightmares. Sometimes he’s forced to watch her die, again and again and again and again. He’ll get so excruciatingly close to saving her. But she’ll rot away in his hands. Sometimes he is her, feeling the life drain out of himself as he falls to his knees above himself and gathers himself up in his arms.

Sometimes he kills her. Sometimes he is the Krang, hardening three of his tentacles into sharp points and piercing her body right where it is the most vulnerable. Sometimes he feels her blood coating his hands, and he stumbles back with a gasp, and rushes to the bathroom to wash and wash and wash but his hands are red, red, warm and wet and red, and the more he washes the more the blood spreads, until he is covered and dripping in the bathroom, and then when he turns he sees his brothers, open-mouthed and angry, and then when he turns around again, frantically, he sees his reflection in the mirror and it is her, blood-bathed and sobbing.

He hasn’t been sleeping much at all.

It’s been three months since that day, and he’s been spending most of his nights awake. Watching Donnie work, or trying to read, or playing video games, or anything else he can think of to keep his mind switched on. But obviously, he can only go for so long before his body begins to shut itself down. And then he has to sleep. Lost, restless, anxious sleep. He wakes up sweating, drawing in the sheets, shaking and afraid. He naps in the daytime, exclusively; when he wakes back up, there will be brothers ready to distract his minds and his nervous hands. The nighttime is too dark and lonesome and unforgiving to wake up from a nightmare in.

But he won’t tell anyone about any of this. He won’t show it.

All the others make no secret of their grief -- even Mayhem curls up in her old hoodies and whimpers himself to sleep. But Leo? Leo is so carefree and so cheerful and so accepting of it all that April can tell he’s hurting worse than anyone.

April sighs to herself.

She’s standing in the production line at Teddy Bear Town, armed with Raph’s free-bear frequent buyer card, holding a bear husk in her favorite color, waiting to upload a message into a voice box to place inside of the bear. She has the recording up on her phone already, a voicemail from her to Leo that she had asked Donnie to send to her.

Finally, the recording station opens up, and she places her phone next to the microphone. She takes a breath and hits “play.”

“Hiii, my love,” her voice croons. “I miss you. It’s been, like, what, two days? I miss you. I’m on my way back right now but I literally can’t wait until I get home to talk to you again. Call me back. I love you. My lovely, lovely Leo. I love you. Bye. Kisses. Mwah.”

It hurts to hear her, her voice warm and happy and innocent and so, so alive. April bites at her lip and ends the recording.

She puts the voice box in the bear, and a heartbeat heart in the bear; and then when she takes it home she douses it with her favorite scent.

The bear goes in a nice box and she takes it to the lair.

“Heyy,” she says, poking her head into the living room. “Is Leo here? I have --” she drops her voice “-- the bear.”

“I think he’s asleep in the room,” Mikey says. He’s eyeing the box, obviously desperate to see the bear.

“Do you think he’ll mind if I go give it to him now?” April gives in and reaches into the box, pulling out the bear and handing it to Mikey so he can examine it. “I can put it next to him or something.”

“I think he’d like that,” Raph says, softly.

“Okay.” She reaches out her hands and Mikey reluctantly hands the bear back.

“It smells just like her,” he says, his eyes getting watery.

April hugs him and then carries the bear over to the bedroom. She tries the door and it opens easily; she steps inside and glances at Leo in bed.

He’s twitching, twitching, whimpering gently and turning like a rotisserie chicken. The sheets are winding around him, tight, tight. His forehead is pale and sweaty.

“No,” she can hear him mumbling. “No. No. Please.”

She immediately shakes one of his shoulders, and he jolts awake, lunging at her but too constricted by his sheets to move much at all.

“Whoa! Leo!”

He struggles against the sheets for a moment before recognition comes back into his eyes; he freezes, wide-eyed, muscles still tense and quivering.

He doesn’t speak.

“Hey. Hey. You alright?”

He doesn’t speak.

April sighs gently and untangles the sheets from around him.

“I know,” she whispers. “I know, I know. We’ve been through a lot. You… you need anything?”

He shakes his head and forces a smile on his face. There’s not usually anyone with him when he wakes up. He just powers through the aftereffects of the nightmares on his own. He’s never had to deal with the embarrassment of attention.

“Oh, Leo,” April sighs softly, and pats his shoulder. “You know you can always talk to me if you need to, right?”

He nods.

“I got you something,” she says, reaching into the box and then changing her mind and just putting it down on the bedspread. “You can look at it after I leave, okay? I love you. Take care of yourself. Remember that you can talk to any of us, anytime. I love you.”

And then she’s gone, and he’s sitting up in bed, his heart still pounding, his palms sweaty, his ears ringing. She shouldn’t have seen that. No one should ever see that.

He sighs and rubs at his temples and stares at the box. Finally he reaches forward to grab it, and pulls it back towards himself, and opens it and reaches inside. His fingers make contact with something soft and fuzzy, and his blood stills when he recognizes the scent.

It’s her. It’s her smell.

He pulls out the bear, his heart pounding again, and examines it in the low light of his room. It’s her favorite color. He presses his face against its belly -- it smells like her. It’s soft, and cuddly, and it smells like her.

Each inhale feels like a stab wound.

He squeezes the left paw and she starts to talk.

He sits, silent, wide-eyed, barely breathing, staring at the bear as her voice talks at him. Her voice.

He lays down again, clutching the bear to his chest with a death grip that would probably strangle it if it could actually breathe, pressing the paw again and again and again. Listening to her talk. She’s talking to him.

“My lovely, lovely Leo,” she says. “I love you.”

Leo breathes in. Long, and shuddery, and then before he knows it he’s on his side and in the fetal position: choking and coughing on hoarse sobs that rake at his chest with each breath.

He tries the other paw and it’s a heartbeat. Soft, and gentle, and it doesn’t stop as long as he’s holding on tight. He shoves his face into the bear’s stomach again, and the heartbeat thumps reassuringly against his forehead.

He curls around the bear like it’s the only thing holding him afloat.

He wakes up eventually, after a dark and dreamless sleep, and the first thing he notices is that the pillow and the bear are both damp. The space under his eyes is damp, too.

He presses the left paw again.

She speaks.

“I love you,” he tells her. The last time he said it, she was bleeding out in his arms. He holds the bear tight to his chest, squeezing it like she’s come back to him.

He leaves his room to get a snack in the kitchen -- hungry, suddenly, and much braver with her scent held close. He’s pressing down on the right paw, feeling the synthetic heart beat against him.

April is still over; she’s sitting in the living room, watching TV with Leo’s brothers. Their eyes follow him. He pretends not to notice.

He feels so tired. He’s holding the bear so tight, and he feels so tired.

He goes into the kitchen and opens the fridge and stares at the shelves for a while, feeling the cool air nipping at his beak and the heartbeat pulse against his plastron.

Finally, he just closes the fridge door and walks back into his room. And he sits on his bed, and presses his face against her scent, and squeezes the left paw, again and again.

“I love you,” she tells him. “Hi, my love. I love you. I miss you. I love you. I love you.”

He falls asleep again.

His brothers and April peek their heads into the room and see him: wrapped around the bear, curled tight against the wall, still and quiet.

“He looks so calm,” April whispers. “He was… kind of freaking out earlier.”

“You think the bear’s helping??”

“I hope so.”

Leo will not let go of the bear.

He takes her around the house, clutched in his arms; he takes her to the grocery store and the pizza parlor; the only time he leaves her is when he’s heading out on patrol. He doesn’t want anything to happen to her. She sits tucked under the covers when he’s away.

He will not let go of the bear.

It’s been seven months since her death when he misplaces the bear. (She’s been tangled up in his sheets and thrown into the washer. But he doesn’t know that. All he knows is that she’s gone.)

He runs into the living room, panting, shaking, grabbing Raph by the shoulders.

“She’s gone!” he screams, pulling Raph’s face close to his own. “Have you seen her?? She’s GONE!”

“What?? Who’s gone??”

And he screams her name and then bounces from foot to foot, waiting for Raph to do anything, to say anything; and finally he just runs off again, back to the bedroom, tearing apart anything and everything he can get his hands on. She’s gone.

“I should have had Donnie put a tracker,” he rambles, running back into the living room and starting to rip off the couch cushions. “She’s gone. She’s gone. Where could she be?? She was in my room!! In my bed! Right under the covers! Someone took her, right?? I don’t know where else she could be. Oh no. I lost her. I lost her. No. No.”

“Leo, calm down --” Raph starts to say, but Leo wheels around and stares at him, pale and wringing his hands together, and so Raph stands up and starts to look with him.

Eventually all four brothers are looking; and finally Mikey screams from across the house and Leo drops everything he’s holding and chases the sound of his voice, frantically, until finally they slam into each other in the doorway of the laundry room and Mikey presses a familiar lump into his arms.

She’s damp, and floppy, and her fur is kind of weird now, and her scent is greatly subdued, but it’s her.

Leo shoves his face into her belly and squeezes her tight in his arms, catching his breath for a moment, gasping in whatever remnants of her scent he can get. And then he presses one of her paws, and then the other; and there’s just a staticky gurgling from one paw and nothing from the other.

“No,” he says, starting to panic again. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no --”

“Leo, what is it? We found it for you --”

“She doesn’t work,” he mumbles. He presses the paws again, frantically, desperately: “She doesn’t work. Where’s her voice?? Where’s her voice?? Where’s her heartbeat??”

“Leo, calm down. It’s okay. We’ll get you a new one, alright?”

“No,” he says again, starting to flap his hands. The bear shakes along with them. “No, no, no, no, no. I can’t just replace her --”

“It’s a bear, Leo. It’s fine --”

“No!”

“Leo! Calm down!” Raph reaches out for him, trying to wrap him in his arms so he’s safe and constricted and starts to settle down; but Leo dodges away and holds his bear tightly, securely, backing into a corner of the room.

“She’s broken,” he mumbles.

Raph and Mikey exchange a Look.

The three non-Leo brothers discuss the matter later that night, once Leo has gone to bed. They discuss the matter of him, and the bear. The decision is unanimous: they have to talk to him about the way he feels about the bear.

They corner him first thing in the morning.

“Hey,” Raph says softly, as soon as Leo stumbles bleary-eyed into the kitchen, dangling the bear by one paw. “How you doing, buddy??”

Leo shrugs and feels around in the cabinet for a box of cereal.

“We have to talk about the bear,” Mikey says.

“Look, we understand that you love it, and the last thing we would want is to take something that you love away from you -- but we’re getting worried about you, Leo. It’s not quite healthy to get so attached to a toy like that.” Donnie rubs at his arms.

Leo squeezes the bear against his chest.

“You guys don’t know what you’re talking about,” he snaps. “I can love my bear if I want to. It had her voice in it, remember? And her smell? It comforted me.”

“But, Leo --” Mikey starts.

“No! No ‘but leos’!”

“But, Leo -- comfort and dependence are two very different things. You’ve gotten dependent on that bear. And we know you miss her, and the bear reminds you of her, but --”

“Stop talking about her!” Leo shouts. “Her, her, her -- you didn’t know her! You didn’t love her! Not like I did!! Stop talking about her like you understand what it meant to lose her!” And he squeezes his fists together, relaxes, squeezes again. “You don’t understand what it meant to lose her.”

“Leo, we do understand,” Raph says, gently. “We loved her, too. Not quite the way you did -- but we did love her. We lost her, too.”

“But we’ve been able to move on,” Mikey adds. “And of course we haven’t forgotten her, and we haven’t stopped missing her -- but we understand that she’s gone. And that she’s not coming back to us. You have to deal with that, Leo, with the root of it all -- you have to understand, and you have to move on.”

“Move on?? You’re telling me to just move on from losing her?! It’s only been seven months! And besides -- besides -- I’ll never be able to get over her. She’s the sort of girl you don’t just ‘get over.’”

“Leo, Leo, I know. We all know. It’s not easy for any of us! We miss her, too; we’re grieving, too; but --”

“But you didn’t kill her,” Leo says, softly, and his grip on the bear loosens slightly.

“What?”

“You didn’t kill her,” Leo says. “Your hands aren’t stained red every time you look at them --” and he leans heavily against the kitchen counter.

“Leo, you didn’t kill her.”

“But I did. It’s my fault the Krang are here in the first place. If I hadn’t… if I hadn’t…”

He presses the back of a hand to his eyes and breathes, breathes, steadies himself.

“If I hadn’t made a mess of things, none of this would ever have happened. It’s my fault the Krang were here.” His eyes are getting hot, wet, messy. He keeps wiping at them, over and over. “It’s my fault. You’ve never screamed it at me, amazingly. I don’t deserve you guys. But you know it, I know you do; it’s my fault that the Krang got here in the first place. If I hadn’t goofed up so bad, then they would still be in that prison dimension -- and she’d still be -- she’d still be --”

He doubles over at the kitchen counter and slides down to the ground, hunched over, grinding the palms of his hands into his eye sockets and screaming silently.

“Leo.” Raph sits down next to him, and sweeps his little brother into a tight hug. His own eyes are misting over. “Leo, none of us blame you…”

“But you should,” he blubbers. “You should. It’s my fault. Don’t say it’s not, just to try to make me feel better. I know it’s true --”

Mikey and Donnie kneel down next to them, wrapping their own arms around Leo, and Raph encloses all three of them in his arms.

They sit on the kitchen floor, hollow and grieving and sobbing. And Leo has the bear squeezed against his chest still, tight, tight, because he can’t let her go. he can’t let her go. he can’t let her go. he can’t let her go. he can’t let her go.

But two mornings after that, there’s a scrapbook on his bedspread. It’s filled, cover to cover, with her. Her favorite things, her favorite color, pictures of her, and the whole thing is drenched in her scent.

There’s a note attached to it, from all three of his brothers, and April.

You don’t have to move on just yet, the note says. We understand that. But try to focus on her, okay? Try to focus on her memory. She’d rather have you remember her than have you freak out over losing a bear that sounds like her. You know she would.

Leo agrees. He thumbs through the pages, and she smiles up at him from each picture. He can still hear her voice in his mind, and feel her hands on his cheeks.

He imagines that she’s there with him, in the room, right now. What would he say to her?

I’m sorry I killed you, he would say. It was incredibly stupid of me and I am so, so, so sorry.

I forgive you for killing me, she would say. And then she would sit down next to him on the bed and hug him, long and hard and tight. It’s been rough? Right? I’m so, so sorry for that. I never want to hurt you, Leo --

Don’t apologize for that, he’d say. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.

But look at you. Look at how sad you are. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

No. Don’t be sorry. I’m happy to be sad over you. It means that I still love you. I still love you, so much; but the love is just spilling over from inside of me. I have nowhere to put my love for you. I’m happy to be sad over you.

You’re funny, she’d smile, and then she’d hug him tight again and kiss his forehead.

He shuts his eyes. He misses her, so, so much.

But okay. Okay. For his brothers’ sake, he’ll try. Maybe that’s where he can put his love for her -- he can put it on his brothers. He can try his best to make them happy.

He sighs through his nose and tucks the bear back under his covers. Okay. She’ll stay there today.

He’ll see her tonight. He’ll hold her close tonight.

And he’ll keep her alive, keep her alive and well, with the love that’s inside his heart.

#rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt leonardo #rottmnt leo #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles fanfiction #my writing

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