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cringe-central · 3 years

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Love Languages

The Lost Boys: Seperate

Giving vs. Recieving

A/N: Im so sorry this took so long to complete. I just started a new job so things may take longer, but ill still be writing. The next fic will most likely be poly with you and the boys getting together.

David

Giving: Gifts

David enjoys giving gifts that remind you of who you belong to. He's not good with emotions so giving momentos, to David, is a good way of showing his love.

David gives gifts to show you that even if he isn't around, he's thinking about you. He also uses gifts as an excuse to take care of you. He views himself as your protector and wants you to know that he can and will provide for you.

If he sees you looking at something for just a little too long, he will totally pay for it, legally, with money. He definitely won’t steal it if that's what you're thinking. But whether it's gained via dubious means or not, it's yours. David is basically a criminally inclined sugar daddy.

If you make an off comment about being hungry? You're getting food. You tell him he doesn't have to get something for you? That's too bad, it's not even a question to David, you're getting taken care of.

David just wants to provide and protect, just let the boy take care of you the only way he knows how.

Receiving: Physical affection

David is very touch starved under all that angst, pride, and daddy issues. Although he wont admit it, he needs to be given affection, badly.

Before he met you it never bothered him, he had the boys and he didn't need more than that. But when you came into his life, and you held his face in your hands? He realized how much he missed being held by another.

He's never thought highly of humanity, but your warmth pressed against him and feeling the steady rise and fall of your chest under his hand hits him in his cold, undead heart.

In public, PDA is kept at a minimum with David so he can keep up his rough and tough persona. He acts annoyed when you get clingy, but it's painfully obvious that he actually adores it. If you want to force him to hold your hand he'll complain about it, but he wouldn't dare move away from you.

In private however, all bets are off. Chairs aren't allowed, you're either on his lap or laying on top of him. Worry about his legs falling asleep? Don’t, he's already dead, they physically can't fall asleep. You aren't going anywhere sweetheart. If you're standing? He's wrapping his arms around your stomach.

If for some reason he moves his hands away while cuddling and you bring his hands back, He swears he can almost feels his heart start beating again. He finds you adorable when you're like this. It makes David smile when he sees your look of mock offense when he takes his arms away from you.

Cuddle this man. He may try to act all tough and intimidating, but he just wants to be held.

Dwayne

Giving: Acts of Service

Dwayne likes making your life easier, he's not a big talker but he knows that actions often speak louder than words.

He's a vampire, so the biggest stress factor the boys have is being found out and staked, but other than that he and the boys live a carefree life. He knows being a human is often very difficult. Picking up on your stressors and helping make your life easier is how he shows affection best.

Often if you're really busy, Dwayne will pick up food for you and make you take a break before helping you finish what you were doing. If you feel unwell in the slightest he’ll be there in a second to take care of you. Dwayne is also very tall, and will always get things down from above without even needing to be asked, it's basically a reflex at this point.

It's not uncommon for Dwayne to finish those last edits of an essay you were writing. He'd do more than that but he knows you'd be upset with him if he did. If you worry about taking advantage of him, Dwayne assures you that isn't the case. Taking that weight off of your shoulders makes him feel not only wanted, but needed.

Dwayne needs to know he's taking care of you, he's never been one to show love through words but you never go a day without feeling it.

Receiving: Quality Time

Ever since you and Dwayne became a couple, you've been the first thought in his head every morning, wanting to get feedings done sooner so he could spend time with you.

Dwayne has a lot of free time on his hands and during the time he spends with you, every possible ounce of attention you could give him was given. He adored those long conversations where you went on and on about whatever your current hyperfixation was. Even if you felt as if you annoyed him by simply rambling about a topic, he found those moments intimate and special.

Museum and Bookstore dates were very common between the two of you. Debates and deep conversations were a favorite of his, you both respected each other and your opinions.

For museums, he would watch you stare at the exhibits in wonder while he told you of what history he remembered in certain pieces. Though he wasn't too old by vampiric standards, you would ask him all sorts of questions about the eras he's lived in. He's very quiet, but it's on these dates where you can get him going.

Bookstore dates are quieter, there was one a little ways away from the hotel that stayed open later into the night. Once a week, you and Dwayne would try to get there as soon as possible and stay there until they kicked you out. You would buy (definitely not steal) books and walk back to the beach or, if it was particularly cold, back to the cave. You two would then read them and discuss the book until the next bookstore date.

Paul

Giving: Physical Touch

Paul loves giving affection, he takes offense to any moment spent without his S/O in his arms. He knows his reputation, and keeping you close shows that you're not to be fucked with. Many girls may try to get his attention, but they will never be the ones on Paul's hip and you take that as a badge of pride.

Paul enjoys the summer, his cool body is perfect for giving a lot of cuddles during that time. The colder months are heavily disliked by both you and him because of you body needing to stay warm, but Paul gives the best hugs, to the point where you begin to crave his touch.

Paul's worst fear is you feeling ignored or unloved; if you two have been physically distant he will immediately rectify it as soon as he can. This boy will never let his S/O go un-snuggled. Every time you're upset you are swept into Paul’s lap with your head tucked under his chin.

When you're at the boardwalk, your hand is always in his or his arm is around your shoulders. If you two are sitting down then you'll be in his lap. The boys may tease him about it but he doesn't mind, he's proud to show you off.

Paul is a himbo at the end of the day, he's not good with words and has said the wrong thing before, but through his actions you are shown how truly loved and valued you are to him.

Receiving: Words of Affirmation

Paul is a very literal person, he enjoys when you tell him what's on your mind, and he adores listening to you talk. Listening to you talk is the highlight of his night.

Even though Paul shows love through physicality, he needs to be told the words I love you. The first time you told him those three simple words he became pretty emotional. He couldn't remember the last time someone genuinely told him he was loved, and here you were confirming your mutual affections for each other. He's so soft for you man.

You always tell him how much he is admired and adored as you hold his face in your hands, and Paul melts every single time. He finds a lot more pride in his clothing and hair after you rave about how amazing he looks.

He values what you say above everyone else's opinion, and if you like the new thing he did with his eyeliner you notice he does it significantly more. Paul is the definition of jokester, but when you tell him what he said made you laugh he takes it to heart.

Paul loves being a vampire, but sometimes he needs you to say you aren't afraid of him. That despite what he is, you still feel safe around him. Even the toughest of people feel insecure sometimes and you're willing to do whatever he needs to feel okay again.

Marko

Giving: Physical affection

There's a reason him and Paul are best friends, sometimes a bro needs a hug. And though his motto was always ‘bros before hoes’ something was missing. There was a level of affection he longed to give, but never could.

When he met you and he was finally able to give those romantic affections, he went overboard. Always holding you and touching you in some way, you weren't let out of his grasp for weeks. Any time you needed to leave the cave to go home, Marko would whine and beg you to stay with him for a little while longer. Any time he could convince you to stay the night, he would be ecstatic.

Marko is very happy to know that someone loves him for him, and he is determined to show that in every single moment of your relationship. If you had a distant boyfriend before? Destroy those expectations, because you got the clingiest vampire in the lost boys.

He loves to scent mark on you, a giant vampire thing, it's like a drug to this angel faced sweetheart. Having his scent melding with yours as you two roam the boardwalk drives the boy insane. Marko is very possessive, and he can't help but nuzzle into your neck or wrap his arms around your torso so that everyone knows you're taken.

Much like his best friend, Marko is also a himbo. He needs you close to him and if you aren't he becomes whiny. The next time you see him, you won't be leaving his grasp any time soon.

Receiving: Gift giving

Marko is an artistic being and he appreciates gifts that have effort put into them. Things that are bought are nice, but if you spent hours making something? He doesn't care what it is, he will love it.

If you made him a bracelet, he'd wear it every day. If you paint, you'd notice pieces of art taped onto the wall, growing with every piece you make him. If you bake? What you make him is gone in a day. His favorite gifts however are the patches you make him, sewing them on and admiring the intricate detail put into each one.

Everything you make him or give him is valued, keeping anything and everything tangible in a wooden box that Marko painted himself. He protects that box with his life, keeping it in the most protected place in the cave.

If you write him letters he stores them in the box and he reads them by the fire pits when he can't sleep, which helps him get some shuteye. He treasures every little thing you give him, but to Marko, you are the true gift. Each of those momentos being a simple reminder of the wonderful being who made them.

#the lost boys x reader #the lost boys #the lost boys marko #the lost boys david #the lost boys dwayne #the lost boys paul #this took me so long to complete im so sorry

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dadsbongos · 3 years

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*bows down to you* I would like to know your despair arc headcanons for antag reader! Literally love antag reader so much 😳

ahhhhhh nonny please let me treat you to my adoration, i can’t thank you enough for asking me about my despair arc hcs for antag reader

Request for: Fuck it, not even Hajime anymore it’s just antag reader. Girlboss moment Warnings: fuckin despair arc tings lmao there’s a lot to deal with, face cutting, abuse (emotional, mental, physical) cuz hi junko enoshima, manipulation cuz hi junko enoshima, self mutilation/harm, mikan/junko toxicity, gore, vomiting ~~~

Headcanons:

🐇Okay so I’ve said it before but!! 🐇She was in that toxic relationship between Mikan and Junko 🐇Junko would make her and Mikan compete for any and all affections just to cause them both despair (which even if “won”, was still denied) 🐇And then anytime she could, Junko would just absolutely berate (Y/n)’s looks and talent, calling the Ultimate Copycat a “fake talent” and “just stealing” 🐇So after Junko died, (Y/n) found her body and cut off portions of her face and replaced them with patches of Junko to “be more like her Despair” 🐇She would find people who wanted to fight for hope and take them in, insisting that she was on their side and would lead them to her house for “safety” 🐇Then she’d just restrain them with Mikan so they could perform experiments and surgeries on them together 🐇Definitely helps Kazuichi build his bigger machines, using the more intelligence she has to make better plans for what they’ll do with them 🐇I imagine that as a copycat antag, she’s got a shitload of charisma so she prolly just gets a load of followers 🐇I’m not saying it’s a cult… but 🐇Probably was the influencer for Nagito’s decision to become Servant 🐇Since he was already serving her all the time pre-despair he decided to join the WOH as their servant 🐇As for when she got captured by the Future Foundation… 🐇Was probably one of the harder ones to capture like Nekomaru and Gundham since she could be the Ultimate at almost anything she wanted 🐇When being interrogated by the Future Foundation she was probably smug and cocky af 🐇A solid match for Byakuya, no joke 🐇Maybe worse, like at least he sort of mellowed out with responsibility 🐇Keeps her mouth tightly shut until they mention anything about her face or Mikan 🐇Because as much as she doesn’t truly romantically love Mikan, she’s not even sure she loved Junko, she does care about the nurse very deeply 🐇So it’s when they mention having captured her that they get any sign of emotion other than cockiness 🐇When they say they have Nagito, that also gets them some words from her 🐇But if they say anything about her face, she has a little breakdown and throws a fit about how she’s better than everyone else in the room and she could kill them all if she wanted and she’s more beautiful than any of them could ever dream to be 🐇Didn’t get the chance to help Izuru release Junko into the Neoworld Program, but definitely would have if she could

Stories:

“Would you kill for me?” Junko murmured, bringing a hand up to caress (Y/n)’s cheek, rubbing her thumb over the bone, “Would you die for me?”

“I would!” she cried hysterically, tears already streaming down her face, “Please, say it! Please, just say it! I would do anything for you, please, just love me… I love you! I love you! Just love me, please…”

Her brows furrowed, bringing her gentle touch back to whip the copycat in the face with a backhand slap, “You’re so ugly, a little piggy ripe for the slaughter.”

Sobs pulled at (Y/n)’s convulsing body as she heaved on the ground. Her throat closed and dried up, chest burning and stomach churning until she finally felt her gag reflex trigger. She spat out stomach acids as she wept over a love that was never hers.

“God, you’re so nasty,” Junko kicked her in the ass, knocking her down into her own puke, “Get out and don’t come back until I command.”

“Love me… love me… love me… please… I beg you…!”

“Do you think if I crushed my hand, Junko would care?”

“No.”

“Sonia wouldn’t care if you crushed yours.”

Kazuichi’s eyes flickered from his work to (Y/n), “I know.”

“It’d be…”

“Despairful?”

“Absolutely morbid,” her tone was breathy, a grin easing up over her lips and heart beating faster as she set aside the half-finished Monokuma and pressed her hand onto the metal desk, raising her heavy wrench above her head.

Kazuichi was quick to copy the moves, eyes wide in anticipation and muscles twitching as his brain desperately tried sending the signals for him to stop.

“One…”

“Two…”

“Three!”

Screams echoed in the warehouse following the sickening crunch of bones under the torturous weight of their wrenches. Kazuichi looked at the girl through his tears, “Again?”

In the midst of her agonized cries, she nodded, blubbering about how horrific the pain was, “Yes, yes, again!”

And so, the countdown started once again.

“One, two, three!”

More bones broken, more pain blasting through their hands for their beloveds to reject everything they were. For the loves they held so dear to look upon them and their injuries and roll their eyes - because they were meaningless in their loves’ eyes.

And that was the despair they craved.

Nagito held out his chain, grimacing when it was Izuru who took it rather than (Y/n) before shoving that hatred back into his chest. Izuru may be a despair-filled faker with no real talent he’d been born with, but he himself, Nagito Komaeda - Servant - was worse.

He wasn’t worth the air in his lungs. Not even human garbage as he was barely passable as a human being.

Then, his eyes traveled once again to (Y/n). His dearest and closest friend.

Izuru may have had more talents mastered, but she was natural. She was genuine and had taken the time to master her Ultimate herself while Izuru had them all planted inside his brain as if he had a right to them at all. It was like watching a slacker get all the credit that a hard-worker had already done. Infuriating.

He wished to see (Y/n) ascend into hope once more, he truly believed she could pave the way above everyone else. She had to. She was better than everyone else, it was up to her to return them to hope, once she realized hope for herself.

He believed in her and her hope - once Enoshima’s metaphorical hands were ripped from her spirit.

And he liked to think she had fresh patches of skin that weren't hers, still red around the scars and peeling, were there for the same reason he had a new hand that wasn’t his.

“She’s so much like Byakuya,” Makoto mumbled, watching through the glass as their newest captured Despair, (Y/n) (L/n), tapped her nails against the table her hands were chained to.

“First that troublesome imposter and now her, who do they think they are? They’re not even near being worthy of the Togami name.”

Kyoko scanned the girl, “She was screaming at the guards earlier when they pointed out the scars and patches on her face. Perhaps bringing it up again will get her to talk about some things.”

“We…” Makoto stopped, shivering at the memory of Junko Enoshima’s corpse when they’d found it on the side of the road outside their old school. Patches missing from a bloodied, pulpy face, “We already know what happened. What more could you want her to talk about?”

“Maybe she knows where some of her classmates are.”

“The nurse freaked out when we mentioned her, maybe if we bring Mikan up to (Y/n), she’ll have a similar reaction,” the Ultimate Hope offered up.

Nodding, Kyoko turned towards the door into the interrogation room, “It’s worth a shot.”

Five minutes was all they got, Makoto Naegi said. He was compassionate and understanding and so sweet. Of course, he’d set up a meeting between the lovers who didn’t know if they ever really loved each other.

Mikan was always unusually cold and smelled of lavender with a hint of vanilla, her hands were soft and her lips a lovely shade of pink.

Now, as (Y/n) held the nurse’s hand over the interrogation table and basked in her presence, she could feel how much she’d changed in despair. She was still cold but now she reeked of dirt and blood, no matter how many showers she’d taken. Her lips were much paler; dry and cracked. Hands rough and calloused.

“They told me you took her womb.”

“You took her face.”

“You’ll bear her children?”

“You’ll bear her beauty?”

It was always a fight. It was always a competition. For more. For love. For the affection and attention they’d been deprived of all their lives.

“Have you… tried conceiving?”

There was silence. Mikan looked down at the table and then back up at (Y/n).

Her skin was no longer peeling along the jagged incision sites but her scars were infecting when she’d been taken in and it was obvious. They were puffy and oozed every so often.

She looked back down.

“With who?”

Shaking her head, Mikan tightened her grip on the girl’s hand.

“Why didn’t you get me to do the skin graft?”

“You were probably busy.”

“I would’ve done it anyway. I’d done Fuyuhiko’s eye.”

There was more silence. Stiffness building in the girls’ bodies the longer their quietness buzzed in the room.

“Am I still beautiful…?” it was rare to see vulnerability in (Y/n).

“Almost like our beloved herself.” it was rare to hear a lie from Mikan.

It wasn’t the scars or the blood or the skin patches, it was the act of how she’d gotten them. Scars and patches didn’t make a person ugly, but stealing pieces of a dead woman’s face and using them as your own did.

#antag reader #sdr2 x reader #mikan tsumiki x reader #junko x reader #nagito x reader #anon chatter :)

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readingsbylibramc · 3 years

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birth chart reading for @screechingbangtansonyeondanrmpie

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a locomotive shape. this means that you're a very ambitious person, with a lot of energy. saturn has a big influence on you, and your life revolves around achieving your goals and dreaming in big. the empty part of your life is what you have to develop, hence your relationship with friends and lovers.

your dominant planets are venus, the sun and saturn. you are very creative, you probably come up with innovative ideas easily as you're able to understand others' emotions. you're also extremely smart and intelligent, you are strongly motivated to pursue your goals, even though you could sometimes be a bit bossy.

your dominant sign is libra. you're overall a peaceful person, you try to avoid conflicts if possible, even though sometimes you could have a sharp tongue. you're a romantic person, maybe too much. you hold unrealistic expectations of people, hence you often get disappointed when things don't turn out the way you thought. you're able to see both sides of an argument, and that's both good and bad. in fact, you're very objective, and most probably your opinions are right; yet, it may be annoying for people that are venting to you, as you could constantly point out their mistakes, even though you don't do it out of malice.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in libra, 16° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

you're naturally likeable, you have a particular charm to you that makes everyone drool over you. you're very nice and outgoing, you always try to make others feel at ease. you're very considerate of others' feelings. you strive for fairness and justice, it's the way you approach others and the world. basically, you treat others like they treat you: if they're kind with you, you'll be very sweet. otherwise, you'll turn very sarcastic and harsh, almost cold at a certain point. you're very opinionated, you always feel the need to express your thoughts as you're very proud of them. in addition, since you always decide whether something is right or not, you may come off as a know-it-all. on the other hand, you're very sociable and you enjoy being in company, doesn't matter whether you're with your family, friends, lover etc. you may get to know many people throughout your life, but your friendships may not be much stable. you are surrounded by people, but you could feel lonely particularly often. I also need to point out that libra is ruled by venus, the planet of beauty. you're most likely very attractive and magnetic. even if not necessarily conventionally, people find themselves attracted to you. you may have sparkling doe eyes, with also full lips and a defined cupid's bow. your face is more on the longer side, perhaps you have an heart-shaped face, with high cheekbones and a pointy chin. you may also have naturally amazing, fluffy and flowing hair. your body is also very feminine, with a lot of curves and softness to it. it's very romantic, to sum up. also, your hair is probably naturally beautiful; it could be curly, or at least it's very thick and healthy-looking, even if you don't take much care of it.

libra ascendant conjunct libra sun: you're a genuine person, and you show yourself for who you are. you don't wear a mask, and you want the same authenticity from others as well. you leave a positive first impression on others, as you're very friendly and kind. you have this particular charisma to you, that makes you look both bubbly and mysterious. you have a bright personality, you're always kind to others. yet, there's something in your eyes that projects all of your fears and inner emotions. it's very magnetic, but some people may take advantage of that. think twice before opening up to someone, as not everyone is as honest as you are. this placement may give one a big ego, but combined with insecure 12th house placements, I think it's a great combo. you're confident, but not bossy. or maybe, you have contrasting feelings; one day you could lead a riot, the other day you just want to hide under your sheets.

libra ascendant conjunct libra mercury: you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive, even though this energy may not be much prominent; it may be perceived differently due to your libra energy, in fact. that’s because libra prefers organizing things, rather than acting impulsively. yet, this placement still helps you being adaptable to changes, even though you may only be able to see it after a few years if you manage to balance it well. you may also be able to match the energy of the people you’re talking to in order to be perceived as more likeable and connect with everyone on a deeper level. you may be fond of books, poetry, literature… both writing and reading. it’s also a way to let yourself tune to your emotions. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. appearance-wise, I assume you’re at least of average height, with long limbs and fingers. you have something small about your face; you may either have a small nose, or eyes, lips etc. same thing goes for your bones. you may be naturally skinny, or perhaps you have healthy curves. you also tend to look younger than you actually are, especially when growing up.

libra ascendant conjunct libra mars: your approach to the world is spontaneous, you don't like thinking before acting. you don't really do this with malice, though; you're just very honest. even though you appear really confident to others, you may find yourself feeling a little insecure. that comes from the fact that you're a perfectionist, even though you want to be perfect to show it to others rather than for yourself. hence, you feel pressured. even though you may appear as rude, once you get to know someone you truly care about you're willing to control yourself, just for them. that's how far you'd go for someone you love. physically, individuals with mars conjunct the ascendanr are usually very fast, active and athletic in general. you may walk fast, and you have quick reflexes. they are also fit; even if they're overweight, their body will still look good, with a nice and toned structure. you may have strong, almost masculine features: thin lips, thick eyebrows and lashes, broad shoulders, sharp nose...

🌞 sun in libra, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

this is the most romantic and kind-hearted libra decan. you are very intuitive, you understand others’ real feelings very easily. you’re very polite and mannered, you have this innate elegance about you that could make people jealous. you may even come off as snob. even though your libra stellium may make you look flaky, once people get to know you you’re actually very reliable and trust-worthy, as you are a person of strong morals. you may unconsciously manipulate people, but you don’t do it with malice. in fact, you’re probably not even aware of it most of the times. you’re reserved, and you don’t like being the centre of attention, despite craving compliments. nonetheless, you still like getting to know new people; you’re the type to know everyone, but you may struggle to find actual best friends, as your bonds with people are quite undeveloped and superficial. you have a nice sense of humor, and you may rely on sarcasm a lot. you’re also the type that doesn’t like to accept her mistakes. probably, when you were a child you used to scream 'it’s not my fault!’ in every occasion. in life, you strive for equality and fairness. for example, you don’t want to give less than someone else, you would feel guilty about it. at the same time, you don’t want to be the one that gives more either; you’re afraid that people could take advantage of you. therefore, balance is what you find the most pleasant.

libra sun conjunct libra mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy libra dominance makes you naturally good at writing poetry, or even romance. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

libra sun conjunct libra mars: with this placement, you may be way more straight-forward than the typical libra. you are very impulsive and honest above all, you say things as they are. you don't get hurt easily, you're able to be very brave when you want to, and even if you do get emotionally hurt, you know how to stand up for yourself again. you strive to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true, you're an hard-worker. some may call you impatient, and you may actually be, but in reality you just can't wait for things to happen. for example, let's suppose you're going to the mall to buy the playstation you always wanted. you'd start only thinking and talking about that playstation until you actually get it in your hands. you get easily excited. also, this is another placement that indicates that is hard not to notice you. you have a very strong charisma that makes others stare. you strive to be the number #1 at whatever you do, you're a serious competitor and you'd do anything to win and achieve your goals.

🌙 moon in libra, 5° / 1st deca ruled by venus

the most romantic and affectionate libra decan. in life, you strive for equality and fairness. for example, you don’t want to give less than someone else, you would feel guilty about it. at the same time, you don’t want to be the one that gives more either; you’re afraid that people could take advantage of you. therefore, balance is what you find the most pleasant. ironically, you struggle to keep the same balance in yourself, though. you may appear a bit emotionally cold, as you don’t feel comfortable showing your true self due to your secrecy. you come off as kind of analytical, but you’re actually very romantic. you wish the world was just filled with love and peace, and you that you didn’t have to worry about malice or anything of that type. you hate vulgarity, and you try to be as kind as possible with your words, even though you may be too straight-forward and fail at that. even if you’re an introvert, you may know a lot of people. yet, you have troubles actually creating close bonds with others. you basically have more acquaintances than friends. you’re a nice mediator, you know how to get along with others and make others get along.

libra moon conjunct libra mars: you aim for greatness. this is where your strong desire to be the #1 comes from, pretty much. you're very proud of yourself, and you don't like to acknowledge your mistakes. you always want to look like you have your life together, even in certain moments when you feel lost. I would say that this is a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you can literally go as far as forcing a smile if it shows the world that you can stand by yourself. overall, I would say you deal with your emotions in a very 'child-like' way. you tend to preserve yourself more, unless someone really special to you is involved. in fact, moon conjunct mars makes you really protective of your loved and trusted ones, even though they're not many because of your high standards. you're also very honest, you speak from your heart. while it's a positive trait, you may be too blunt and ruin your relationships because of that. you're both smart and fast, hence you may get annoyed when people mishear or misunderstand your words

libra moon conjunct libra jupiter: you're an outgoing and warm person, who always tries to make others feel at ease. I assume you try to be nice to everyone, but you can't help but be a little awkward around people you don't know. you go with the flow and don't shy away from challenges. they're moments to prove your potential and abilities. you are an extremely open-minded person, you rarely judge a book by its cover. you probably despise racism, homophobia, misogyny etc. with a passion (as you should tbh). you may also be into poetry, philosophy, and just anything that can stimulate both your mind and feelings. in fact, your mind is constantly wandering somewhere else, allowing you to travel with your fantasy. you're also probably attracted to foreign things, like people, music, fashion, languages, movies etc. you love learning about anything, and you may also have a good memory. in fact, it’s common for you to be the one who explains things and possibly even leads a group, and this could unluckily make you seem as a know-it-all. you do take pride in your wisdom, indeed. your deep way of thinking is also where your desire for freedom comes from, as you wish to be able to expand yourself through travelling and new experiences. when you get angry, you can actually get very rude and offensive, even towards authorities. you’re short-tempered, and you despise being told what to do. you’re also a good, loyal friend, and you’re the type to stand up for them and defend them during a fight. you’re friendly, especially with people you feel comfortable with, and you probably love talking. you’re able to put a smile on others’ face just by telling your stories, even though you never truly go in-depth. you're quite optimistic, as you see good in everyone. yet, while this is a good trait that allows you to be more at ease in relationships, you may also be fooled easily due to your blind optimism.

🗣 mercury in libra, 25° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and mercury

you're very diplomatic! you always try to be nice and gentle with your words, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. your tone of voice is extremely soft, sometimes it could even be hard to understand what you say, as you could naturally have a low voice. you're extremely balanced, you have amazing problem-solving skills as you're able to see both side of an argument. it's natural for you to understand what's right and what isn't, and most of the times you're actually right. when you're with someone you're not really close to, you could even be the accommodating type who allows others to speak over your voice, or maybe you let others speak first as a gesture of kindness. I feel like with your libra dominance you have very strong opinions, and you're actually particularly proud of them. luckily, this placement makes you able to communicate them with diplomacy. you could often get angry if someone tries to prove you wrong, but aside from that, you try to be very elegant and formal when you speak. you're probably not fond of cursing, or at least you try to appear as mannered as possible with people you're not comfortable around. last but not least, you're such a charismatic, smooth talker that you result very persuasive. you're able to trick people with your words, which appear very diplomatic and calm.

libra mercury square cancer saturn: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you’re too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don’t try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into troubles. that’s probably caused by the fact that you don’t really pay attention to your words. you’re quite straight-forward, and due to your mars energy you always seem as if you’re up for a fight. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often with others, and misunderstandings are also common. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking with others more at school, anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.

❤️ venus in virgo, 10° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and saturn

in your group of friends you’re most probably the late bloomer. in fact, it probably took you a while to experience romance. that’s because love isn’t your priority, even though you crave emotional affection and security. you’re not the type to fall for someone at first sight, you’re only into people that are willing to commit to you. you seek a partner that is hard-working and takes care of themselves, both physically and mentally but, at the same time, that would only look at you. it could take you some time to feel totally comfortable around your partner, but once you trust them, you’ll stay with them for a while. it’s hard for you to show your love with words, hence you do it with little gestures. you probably remember things like their birthday, their favorite food etc., and you wouldn’t mind receiving the same kind of affection back. when it comes to love, you’re not a risk-taker; you probably prefer being courted rather than court others, and if you do it, you make sure that the other person likes you back. you enjoy helping others, you’re the type of friend or lover that wouldn’t hesitate to do favors. yet, you want to be appreciated, otherwise you may just feel used. you may be quite hard to satisfy, but you’re surely very loyal.

☄️mars in libra, 10° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

there’s this stereotype that libra mars people are passive-aggressive. it may be true, but only partially. in fact, you try to avoid conflicts exclusively when you’re in public, or maybe with someone you don’t know well. in that case, you can eventually try to avoid the problem. with people you’re close to, you’re pretty much the opposite. you may say the worst of things that you probably don’t even feel, you may even have the istinct to throw hands. you’re driven by a strong sense of justice, and you probably were the class’ snitch during daycare/primary school. you also strive for equality, hence you may get very defensive when it comes to proving your innocence, or just really anyone’s. overall, you’re a fair person with strong morals, who acts based on the situation you’re in.

libra mars conjunct libra jupiter: you are driven by a strong sense of justice that makes you want to discover the truth. you hate lies of any kind, you want sincerity from those around you and you're the first to be constantly honest. you value your freedom a lot, your life motto is most likely 'live and let live'. you think everyone should live their lives by their own standards, without feeling afraid of being judged or criticized. you're a very pure and genuine person, you hardly ever judge a book by its cover, and you're also extremely open-minded. you're thirsty for knowledge of any kind, you're always up to learn something new. you may also be interested in foreign languages and cultures, as well as philosophy, literature... anything that can teach you something new about the world. you may be quite impulsive, and when you get angry you tend to be very blunt. you may say things that hurt others, as you're brutally honest, even though that wasn't your intention. you may also appear as flaky, since you don't like feeling tied to something or someone. you could often change your favourite colour, food, singer... you despise boredom, and your need for freshness may also manifest in your relationships.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in libra. you have a peaceful approach to the world; you most likely don’t like conflicts, you prefer avoiding them, even though you may have some troubles with that due to your impulsive and fiery mars energy. you probably care a lot about your appearance, and because of that you could get insecure from time to time. usually, people with libra in their 1st house look for themselves in others, as their chart is basically upside down. you struggle to be independent, and people could try to take advantage of you for your kindness. the sun and mercury are also placed in this house: your ego feels fulfilled when you express your opinions, ideas and creativity. people probably see you as an intelligent, wise individual. maybe even as a know-it-all. you care about both your inner and outer self, which may be the cause of your confidence issues. you try to fit into society, and you tend to change your approach to people based on who you’re interacting with. while this gives you great social skills, it may confuse you quite a bit. in fact, you may forget who you are. you may often have identity crisis, especially since you always feel as if you have to fit somewhere.

your 2nd house is in scorpio. this placement can make you seem a bit selfish. in fact, you’re extremely possessive of your possessions, you don’t want to share them with others. there’s a lot of karma around your finances. in fact, if you’re too stingy, it may bite your butt. you need to give in order to receive, so I’d suggest you to share your things more with others. you could share a meal with a friend, for example. you’ll surely get something positive back from it. your finances may not be stable either; they are in constant change, and while this placement can make you earn quite a great amount of money, it can also make you lose everything you have. no inbetweens. the 2nd house is also about self-esteem, your relationship with your appearance. you have contrasting feelings about it; some days, you’re very confident. other days, you hate yourself. you may find flaws in every single picture you take or every pants you try on. it’s a very intense placement, as you may often feel as if you need to change your appearance in order to love yourself. based on other placements in your chart, it could manifest in spending money in a new wardrobe for example, as you feel like changing your style would help you boost your self-confidence.

your 3rd house is in sagittarius, with also your pluto placed there. this is an amazing placement for a writer! you’re extremely open-minded and philosophical. you’d probably do great at poetry or just literature in general. you’re thirsty for knowledge, you aspire to learn everything you can, you enjoy being smart and educated. you most likely love comedy, and you have an amazing sense of humor yourself, you’re able to light up the room and make everyone burst into laughter even if you don’t mean to. you’re also very intelligent, you’re able to memorize things fast and you’re also a fast-learner. you may be less into gossips than other libras, as you’re very benevolent and considerate of others’ feelings. in addition, you’re able to see the good in everyone, there’s no reason for you to talk behind someone’s back. actually, it’s the opposite. you’re quite impulsive, you say things as they are. you probably love witty jokes and sarcasm. you’re extremely honest when you think and speak, and most of the times you have no problems expressing your opinions. you could possibly be very good with words and be good at convincing and manipulating others. your mind is very deep, you’re probably not really into small talks. you may also love anything that is considered taboo, like astrology, horror, nudity, death… you’re also quite secretive, you’re seen as an enigma. you don’t want to share much about you. last but not least, you value honesty above all. you only speak the truth, and hence you also want it back. you may as well be into conspiracy theories, science and anything that can expose what’s behind the universe, the government etc.

your 4th house is in capricorn, with also neptune placed there. I can tell that your childhood was quite complex. not necessarily bad, I don't see any kind of trauma, but you probably had to grow up way sooner than other kids. your parents could have been very hard-working and focused on their jobs, possibly wealthy too. they were very responsible and cared a lot about you, they always made sure you had everything you needed, even though they could have been slightly absent from time to time due to their jobs. people with a capricorn ic usually find something missing in their childhood, they had to deal with responsibilities from a young age. it could even be that you started working when you were still a teen, or maybe you had to take care of the house or of your siblings for them. you weren’t much extroverted, you preferred staying in, drawing, playing games etc. it could also be that one of your parents may be absent; they could be divorced, or in the worst case they might have died when you were pretty young.

your 5th house is in aquarius, with also uranus sitting there. you’re extremely creative, your ideas are very innovative, and you may have particular hobbies, interests or taste than others. when you’re able to fully express yourself, you gain full security and you start experimenting and inventing new things. you could be the type to start new fashion trends, music styles, art styles… basically, you’re a creative genius. your hobbies may also involve astrology, as well as human studies like psychology, or also anything that has to do with technology. you may be into videogames for example, tv series, social media… they’re your way to spend your free-time and relax. your relationships may also be very unconventional; you could usually date people online, or perhaps you may have the potential to meet someone through dating apps. they’re quite unstable, they may end out of the blue for example. yet, venus here makes it better; in fact, you’ll be able to achieve the best of your luck through creative outlets. again, if I were in you I’d definitely try writing something! you may also dedicate yourself to fashion, art, music, etc., anything that stimulates your creativity.

your 6th house is in pisces. in your daily life, you hardly ever have a structured schedule. you go with the flow, you take things as they come. you may often have your head in the clouds, you could get distracted easily and you may literally creative oscar-worthy movies in your head instead of doing what you need to do. your job may involve arts, images, possibly even fame. you should definitely use your creative talents for your possible career. also, you could benefit from helping others; you could be a psychologist or therapist of any kind, a nurse… any place where you’re able to help others. again, you could also help others through your art, hence with your lyrics, books, etc. when it comes to diets, workout routines, skincare routines etc. you could lack consistency, even though your libra energy makes you more motivated to take care of your appearance. you may sleep a lot, it’s easy for you to feel tired and stressed even when you’re not over-working yourself.

your 7th house is in aries. love is most likely not your priority in life, even though you're very romantic. you need independence, and you’re able to stand up for yourself on your own. you don’t need someone else to help you. for you, love is a want, not a need. you tend to attract partners in your life that are hot-headed, stubborn, assertive and goal-oriented. they strive to be the best at everything they do, they’re extremely competitive and willing to do anything to achieve their goals. basically, you attract very dominant partners, but you don’t want to be dominated or controlled. you may often experience power struggles between you and your partner, which cause you issues in every relationship you get in. at the same time, you wouldn’t stand someone too submissive either, as you still need someone that would mentally stimulate you. they may actually be quite selfish and self-centered, they’ll care more about their own development rather than that of you two as a couple. an aries 7th house indicates that while you’ll have a very active, passionate spouse, you may also experience lots of arguments and discussions in your marriage life, perhaps even physical violence in the worst case, even though your mars isn't harshly aspected so don't worry about it.

your 8th house is in taurus. you have the most stable, stubborn sign in a house that requires constant change. you probably hate changing your routine and stepping out of your comfort zone. changes are hard for you to accept; you find it hard to change job all of a sudden for example, or even letting go of a toxic friend of yours can be stressful for you. also, you could be quite materialistic and fond of material possessions, causing you to be a bit too stingy, which isn’t good for your karma. another reason that this house contrasts with your 2nd house in scorpio is that you feel like you constantly need to change, but ironically slow taurus makes your changes way slower than usual. sometimes, when they happen, they’re so subtle that you probably can’t even see them or at least notice them at first. this placement may also indicate that you could get an inheritance, especially since your venus isn’t harshly aspected, and you’ll most likely have a peaceful death.

your 9th house is in gemini. gemini in the 9th house cusp usually makes people a bit close-minded, as they are very logical and careful in their approach to the world. you may change your ideas and opinions quite quickly, to the point that you could seem unconsistent. when learning new things, you like exploring different matters and subject, from maths to literature, but you may struggle to focus on only one. as a result, you may lack precision. you're probably a fast-learner and you're very witty and curious, you like learning about anything you can. you probably like studying, not necessarily at school but studying in general, and you may also be skilled at foreign languages. you could also be interested in foreign matters, such as cultures, music, etc.

your 10th house is in cancer, with also your cancer saturn conjunct the midheaven. your career needs to be private. that doesn’t mean that you can’t become famous of course, but you prefer being more hidden at job, you may even work from home or from a young age. many celebrities with this placement, in fact, started working when they were still young. also, cancer indicates that your future job will give you the opportunity to express and / or deal with your / others’ feelings and emotions. you could become a writer, a singer, an actress, as well as a nurse, a therapist… anything that allows you to express your emotions while also communicating something is suitable for you. you could possibly also choose the same career as your parents, or you may handle the family’s business for example. you could also end up doing the job of your childhood dreams. you feel the need to pursue a meaningful career in your life, you want to feel emotionally connected to it. you don’t only want something that allows you to earn money, you also want to gain wisdom and maturity from a job, and hence you could even be a bit picky in choosing your future career. you also have saturn in this house: you may have to work hard to become financially stable and have a good reputation, perhaps you could be underestimated and / or discriminated throughout your first years of work, but after your 30s you're going to become a very respectable figure. you could become some sort of authority, like a boss, ceo, a president... this placement also indicates that you'd make a great teacher or professor.

your 11th house is in leo. with this placement, you’re probably very popular among your friends, you’re most likely the most talkative or funniest member of your group. you may also attract very popular people yourself in your friendships, perhaps even celebrities. possibly, you could even make friends that allow you to gain recognition and / or popularity, doesn’t matter whether it’s in school, job, etc. you could also have very big dreams for your future, probably regarding your career and finances. you most likely aspire to be wealthy and financially independent, you are very hard-working and possibly even a bit materialistic. you attract a lot of people in your life. whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you’ll always be able to have someone by your side, even though you may struggle to create stable bonds. friends come and go, basically. you may attract very fierce, almost violent friends. they’re very energetic, and probably extroverted people who like socializing and enjoying life to the fullest. you're also very hard-working, and you aspire to achieve all of your dreams. your virgo venus is also in this house: you most likely feel the need to befriend someone before getting into a relationship with them, perhaps you may often crush on your friends or maybe you are going to marry someone from your group of friends. you could also meet your lovers online, for example through a dating app.

your 12th house is in virgo, with also jupiter, the moon and mars placed there. this is another placement that indicates that you are an amazing writer! in fact, the 12th house is about secret skills too, and virgo is ruled by mercury, the planet of communication. you do the math. with this placement, though, I feel like you may feel restricted from pursuing your goals, or even a career in the public eye, as you’re quite sensitive to others’ criticism about you. you strive to be perfect all the time, and your libra rising wants to constantly have a nice reputation. a scandal, or even simple haters, would probably be the end of you. you also have venus placed here, meaning that deep down, you actually crave affection from someone else. yet, you may be afraid, or perhaps too shy to approach a possible partner. but remember, the 12th house is also the house of secret talents! in fact, especially with your libra rising, you’re extremely likeable. you shouldn’t be afraid of not being liked back, for example. remember that your love life will get better with time, as you become more mature in that field. with jupiter and the moon here, you are probably extremely spiritual. you may dream a lot, and these dreams could hold messages to them that you need to interpret. you could even predict the future. you're also very private about your feelings, you don't like exposing yourself too much, and combined with your 12th house mars you could end up being a little passive. you may be indecisive and insecure, therefore you could miss some important opportunities in your life.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract aries, aquarius, capricorn and / or virgo traits or placements. your future spouse will most likely have capricorn and aquarius traits or placements, maybe a capricorn-aquarius cusp; they’ll be very smart, creative, bold and confident, but also with a hidden insecurity to them. it could be love at first sight, and they are most likely one of your soulmates or even your twinflame. you may dream of each other often, for example, and you may have a spiritual connection. your children will most likely have aquarius, cancer or capricorn placements in their chart: they'll be very intelligent and creative, but they'll also be quite attached to their parents.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably a very caring person that knows how to stand up for herself when she has to, but she may struggle to do that. she’s very smart, caring and empathetic, even though she may be a bit childish or strict at times. she could have cancer placements in her chart, possibly capricorn, libra and pisces too. your father, on the other hand, is a bit more serious and focused on work, but he always made sure you always had what you needed. he was probably the strict parent in the family, but he still has some sweetness and nice humor to him. also, he may have capricorn, aquarius, pisces or cancer placements in his chart. if you have siblings, they most likely have sagittarius, scorpio and / or pisces placements in their chart. they could be foreign or skilled at foreign languages, and you may feel very at ease with them. you have an amazing bond with them, you’re able to both relax and have fun together, even though you may discuss often. you could have been very jealous of each other when you were kids, maybe.

📊 career

as I've already mentioned above, you're going to pursue a career that will allow you to interact with others. you would probably do amazing at a job that requires you to help people, you could make a great nurse, therapist or psychologist for instance, you're going to be a very nurturing figure for others. you may also work as a teacher of any kind, not necessarily a professor or school teacher. I definitely see you being successful in whatever you choose, you could become very independent and financially stable thanks to your job. possibly, you may also have a business with your future spouse or family. you could also work with children or for family, as a counselor for example. anything that allows you to interact with and help others would be great for you, as it would make you more empathetic and sensitive to the external world.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

I imagine you put a lot of effort into your outifts, yet you don’t show it. you want to look effortlessly good, you don’t want to give the impression that you tried. your style may be quite minimalistic and simple, with lots of jeans, sweatshirts, plain t-shirts… I see you being more into natural shades, like white, grey, beige etc. you’re also not very fond of using too many accessories, you’re stylish but still very simple. you have this natural charm to you, hence you still look good even though your outfits may not be too complex. you could as well be fond of high quality, possibly designer clothes.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, the focus was on yourself. maybe, you had troubles with self-esteem and identity in general. you had to work hard and finally understand who you were to fulfill your past life purpose. hence, this lifetime your focus will be on the bonds you create with others. even though at first you might feel almost scared to the idea of marriage, especially having mars in the 7th house, this lifetime you're here to develop this matter. after all, you may despise love for your troubled past. with your north node in the 7th house, you're naturally lucky in love. there's nothing to be afraid of, you only need to take small steps and open your heart to someone, putting your worries and insecurities aside.

🤔 major transits analysis / june 15th

jupiter is currently transiting your 5th house, making a conjunction with your natal uranus. you may experience random luck in these days, for instance you may find money on the ground while working or you could casually meet a new friend or partner. with transit mars in the 10th house being conjunct your natal mars, you could be more impulsive than usual and you may end up arguing with others, most likely with your parents, so be careful with that. on the other hand, you feel very motivated lately, you are more hardworking than usual, it's the perfect time to start a diet or a routine of any kind, as you're most likely to get it done.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

you’re very in contact with your spirituality, making you more sensitive to higher affirmations. you have the ability to visualize what you want. that’s the key to activate the loa: travel with your fantasy, and visualize what you desire. do you want a new car? imagine yourself doing road-trips on that car. a new phone? visualize yourself making calls with that phone. you can even literally create a story involving those topics and it will come true. you can also help yourself by writing and listening to your own affirmations, maybe covered up by some music. you just have to believe in your power!

and this is it! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

#astrology

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icyowl · 3 years

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A/B/O Worldbuilding

Every omegaverse author has their own spin on the idea, so here is mine! Feel free to use the ideas in your own writing. I really love world building as a whole as well as the omegaverse concept, so it kind of spiraled out of control ;).

These are just my own ideas so please don’t come after me if you don’t agree with something. I’m not asking anyone to use these ideas over their own.

It’s 9 pages so I’m putting the rest under a read more.

BIOLOGY:

What makes dynamic individuals different from others is the enlarged and highly developed limbic system. This part of the brain controls emotions, memory, and the endocrine and some of the olfactory reception. This is why they are so hormonal, experience deep emotional connections, and depend on smell for lots of information gathering and processing. It also explains why changes in hormones go along with changes in a person’s smell. The link to memory could mean that reincarnation may play a part, though researchers are still investigating.

Males are alphas or betas, females are betas or omegas. A person’s dynamic can be mutually exclusive to their personality, so you can have a really brutish and headstrong woman (such a personality does not always mean “alpha”), she’s just more likely to be a beta rather than an omega.

Both sexes have scent glands. Depending on the sex, the glands will be slightly different shapes, sizes, and in different locations (infographs at the end).

Males have canines and claws that extend during excitement or high emotion. If the canines extend far enough, they cause the gums around the teeth to split and bleed. The size, shape, and curvature of the fangs varies from person to person.

Omegas have canines and claws, but they are much smaller.

Rarely a person will have two sets of fangs, their canines and their lateral incisors. These people are always alphas.

Omegas have a “terror-mone” that is automatically emitted when she experiences extreme fear. It is very potent and far-traveling, and the idea is to alert others to come to her aid and overwhelm the opposing alpha’s senses until he backs off. People liken it to pouring bleach down their throat and in their eyes or getting pepper-sprayed.

Scent changes upon a person’s emotions.

Pheromones are emitted from scent glands. Pheromones are processed as a smell and therefore are a kind of scent, but are not directly linked with a person’s emotions. For example, even if an alpha is scared, he can produce comfort pheromones for those nearby.

Scent glands are very complex, high-value organs. They produce a person’s pheromones, scent, hold a mark, and are linked directly with a person’s mental and physical state because of the high density of nerve endings. Rather than check under the tongue or forehead for temperature, the most accurate way is to press the scent glands. Because of the nerve endings found there, they are sensitive to touch and overstimulation.

Scent glands sometimes need to be expressed in order to expel the build-up of pheromones in the blood. This is done via deep pressure or puncturing the skin with fangs or claws. The most effective place is the large scent gland on the neck but any scent gland will work. It is usually done by the significant other since the originator craves that physical intimacy and emotional closeness, but in their absence the person will do it themselves with their claws or by simply massaging the area.

If not expressed, the expired pheromones will build up in the blood and eventually cause anxiety, blurred vision, very high or low temperature, exposing canines and claws, intense trembling, and lethargy to the point of passing out. Essentially the person becomes very sick. The scent glands become puffy, sensitive, and the skin turns rosy as if sunburned.

Males produce venom from their canines and claws. Others of the same rank will be adversely affected by it, but those of the opposite rank are positively affected. The venom alphas produce can cause omegas to become catatonic if present in large enough quantities.

In extreme cases, alphas can go into R.I.L.A (Rut Induced Loss of Awareness), whereby they lose awareness of who they are, where they are, and what they should and shouldn't do. It’s a crazed trance-like state where reasoning is impossible and they act without inhibition.

Scenting is when one person wants to outwardly show everyone that someone is taken by them. It involves rubbing a person’s scent onto the skin of the other’s scent glands and body in general. This rubbing looks like nuzzling when done with the face, but can be done with any part of the body really. For two people to rub scent glands together is a very powerful experience. It strengthens bonds and dissuades outsiders from attempting to court one of them. An alpha’s desire to scent is stronger than an omegas, but they both do it. The desire to scent someone is an infallible sign that they have feelings for the person.

Marking is when an alpha intends to devote himself to that person for the rest of his life. The urge only develops when there is an extremely intimate bond between two people, and also involves emotional ties. Marks do fade and need to be replaced. There are creams that help the mark last longer, and people can buy an expensive contraption that has the dental impression of the alpha and can create a mark-like impression, but there is no scent of the alpha and it doesn’t last as long as the real thing. Nevertheless, people use it--on the daily, sometimes--when the alpha is gone for a long period of time. Omegas can mark too, but don’t really have an urge to do so. Marking can be done by the parents when the child is young and looking for comfort, but is done on the arm or wrist typically instead of the neck, as is typically used by romantic partners.

Marking isn’t for life, since marks need to be updated, but they do insinuate a very strong bond with the intentions of being long-term, since marks last about a year. You also feel that person’s emotional state while the mark is active, so you’re committing to that when you mark.

A mark may not last as long as normal if the omega is stressed. The increased adrenaline pulls the remnants of the alphas venom out of her system more quickly and some may not last six months given the right stressors.

Marking works because he gives her his venom, and she gives him her blood, so the omega doesn’t need to also mark the alpha, but sometimes will in the heat of the moment. Through scent glands the emotions of that person can be felt by the other, because scent glands contain high concentrations of nerve cells.

Even if an omega is already marked, the feeling of being marked is the same as the first time if it's by the same alpha.

If an omega is marked by another alpha while the previous mark is still strong, the omega will experience extreme pain as the two opposing venoms fight for dominance. It can take days, but one will always win. The venom of the alpha the omega is more attached to has a better chance of winning the battle, but it isn’t always certain.

Once a person has been marked (especially for the first time) the bond between the two is exceptionally fragile and should be carefully fostered by time spent together and physical contact.

Eyes dilate in response to many things. Typically it is a sign of physical relaxation in response to affection. It is also a major sign of trust, since severe dilation can cause the vision to blur. Dilation can be forced though, for instance when copious amounts of pheromones are in the air.

Preening refers to when a person is showing off to their significant other, and the physical change a person goes through when another person notices and/or appreciates their efforts. The face becomes flushed, they’re eyes may dilate, and muscles tighten in an effort to flex. Claws and fangs will lengthen in an effort to show physical fitness. Males preen to show their prowess and fitness to the female. Females focus on the dedication of a male to care for her needs, but canines are a symbol of the male’s ability to protect her, so when males preen, their canines drop and aren’t usually easy to retract.

Purring occurs when a person is either very content or wishes to make another person content. A person can talk while this is happening, but it can be difficult to understand. Omegas have a special frequency of purr that promotes healing and stress-relief.

There is a kind of deeper purring that only occurs between a pair of deeply bonded, typically romantically involved, individuals. It is a subconscious choice, so the first time a person does it, it usually comes as a surprise. Because it takes more muscles (the diaphragm, chest muscles, lungs, and larynx all work together) a person is more incapasitated than with normal purring, so it carries a connotation of deep trust in the receiver. Usually only alphas do this, but omegas can do it too. Because the muscles associated with talking are all occupied, it can make talking nearly impossible.

Glating (from the latin “gadio” for sword) is an intimidation tactic used between alphas so they may not have to resort to physical violence. It can also be used to prove an alpha’s rank to another so they are seen as a serious competitor/threat. This also affects a person’s ability to talk. It is an involuntary reaction like blinking, so trying to stop one’s self from doing it is a challenge. The term comes from the intense volume, causing it to reverberate around the surrounding area.

When omegas feel an overpowering urge to protect something they can become “theta”, where their reflexes and willpower skyrocket and they become little crazed animals

Children first present around 18/19 years of age, and experience their first heats/ruts about a year later. Over the span of a week or so they get extremely uncomfortable in their own skin. Their temperature rises and their gums become inflamed, tender, and swollen. Senses randomly sharpen before going back to normal. When they finally “tune”, it happens in a single instance. The body temperature peaks until they literally steam. The influx of emotions, senses, and hormones means they flee until they feel safe. It normally doesn’t last more than a couple hours. Typically, alphas will have an intense need to protect that which they consider part of their territory. It may be a person like a sibling, a girlfriend, or a parent, or it may be a location like their house or the nest of someone they love. Omegas feel insecure and unsafe and look to be with someone they feel safe with. Omegas won’t even want to leave that person’s arms.

Traumatic or transformative moments can force a person to change presentations. Sometimes the change is permanent, sometimes it lasts only a little while (weeks or months). They are referred to as “alternate alpha/omega/beta”.

Bunting is the term for a kind of head-butting, similar to what cats do, that works as a subtle yet deep sign of affection.

Moroi is a term for the sickness that overcomes a person’s body when intense negative emotions stem from one’s mate (i.e. rejection, cheating, fear of that person, falling out of love). It comes from the mythological term for a phantom ghost that leaves its grave to drain energy from the living. Side effects include extreme lethargy and phantom chest pains. The severity varies and the treatment is supportive care (rest, fluids). Some may even fall into a resting trance of sorts. It is very rare that a person dies, but sometimes the extreme phantom pains never go away.

A person’s smell changes depending on how they feel. It may be neutral (clean linens), happy, sad, angry, fearful, physical pain (copper or metallic), love, etc.

Every male possesses a knot.

Tonic immobility (aka ‘megaspace or the Rapture) is the term for how an omega becomes placid, calm, and compliant. It happens when lots of alpha pheromones act as a depressant to the brain by ‘bleeding out’ from the limbic system to the rest of the brain. It happens more easily when the alpha is someone she has great trust in. The depressant side-effect means the omega experiences an addicting calm-high. Alphas can experience this to an extent, but not with the same intensity. There is a problem with omegas experiencing tonic immobility and then, unable to have it again for whatever reason, turns to drugs and/or become prostitutes in an attempt to reach that high again.

Going feral is the layman's term for the very beginning stages of R.I.L.A.. It isn’t nearly as dangerous as the real thing but should certainly be recognized so that the alpha doesn’t drop further into his instincts. It’s how alphas prep their bodies for battle by flooding the system with testosterone and other chemicals. When glating doesn’t work, alphas may become feral in an effort to scare off another alpha before things become physical, but it generally happens any time an alpha senses an omega becoming upset with no sign of the situation getting any better. It also happens when he feels the need to go to an omega but is prevented from doing so. Lessening nearby stimuli is the solution to feralization, as well as scenting with the omega that he is worried about if she isn’t already with someone.

CUSTOMS AND SOCIETAL PRACTICES

If there are normal people, then many are struggling with where to place dynamic people. Are they a subspecies? A baser kind of human, or the next step in evolution?

Bites occur to the neck because the blood flow is large, fast, and goes directly into feeding the brain. This makes it the perfect spot to deposit the pheromones in venom. This can make the recipient a little loopy and very compliant, making consent problems an issue. Alphas have an especially hard time because consent is such a popular thing these days, but waiting and worrying about the omega and giving her the power makes him anxious and emotionally unhappy because it goes against his nature to hold back. Alphas gain purpose and satisfaction from knowing what their omega wants innately, and omegas crave an alpha that will take the lead and make them feel safe and cared for.

Touching another’s scent glands expresses a deep bond between two people. To touch one when the owner doesn’t want you to is a big taboo.

An alpha’s instinct is to look after, an omegas is to be looked after. For this reason it is especially heinous for an alpha to harass an omega, because it goes against their instinct. To deliberately do something that frightens an omega takes a great deal of willpower because the smell of fear an omega produces is strong enough to stop the assailant from continuing.

Bouts of extreme rage can happen if someone harms another’s mate.

A person’s mate is considered off-limits and to break that law is extremely terrible.

An adverse reaction to intense negative emotions can cause an omega to cope with the overwhelming empathy she feels by mentally shutting down. It is an emotional block from all the emotions she feels of others and the desire to have everyone go back to being happy.

Scenting is considered extremely intimate. To interrupt a couple when they are scenting is considered very embarrassing. Usually, it is incorporated into a couple’s daily routine.

If an alpha wants to show another alpha that an omega is taken, he will mark her in front of the other alpha.

In modern culture, the size and thinness/thickness of canines don’t usually matter, but heavily curved and long ones are considered conventionally attractive.

In a relationship, the first time a person purrs for the other is considered a big step in the relationship.

Dynamics (a.k.a. “Dynams” for the hip youngsters) is the name for the class that every student must complete. Like any history or science class, it is part of the class schedule and is taken throughout high school. It teaches students about dynamics, how to be an alpha/beta/omega, and what each class means for a person. History of scientific discoveries and important figures are also discussed as they relate to it.

When an omega feels safe enough to nest, that is cause for celebration. It is only celebrated between the couple, however. When a young person finishes tuning, their parents typically have some kind of celebration. Marking involves a celebration where anyone can be invited or involved (with all the relatives, or just the couple).

TECHNOLOGY

Suppressants nullify most all the side effects of heats and ruts. It takes an hour or two to take effect and should be taken once per day (uncommonly, people up the dose if they feel they need to for whatever reason). Suppressants are different for alphas and omegas, since one needs to calm down and one needs to be more awake and not so placid.

Rut gear involves a type of bite guard and metal nail caps that go over the fingers. This makes them safe for others and prevents damage to others and property.

“Scent stones” are special kinds of rock that absorb scent really well. They are worn for extended periods of time by a person before being given to the other, where they are worn against a scent gland in the wrist to provide comfort and protection. After a week or so of being worn by another person, the scent fades, at which point the stones are switched between the two people.

“Phero-bombs” are grenades of concentrated scent to subdue raging alpha(s)

Bouts of extreme protective instinct--brought on by an overwhelming urge to protect an injured or scared loved one may get bad enough to only be stopped by vials of an omega’s concentrated pheromones. If this is a known/recurring problem, vials are drawn in advance to be injected into the alpha to bring him out of it and calm him down if need be. There are special divisions of S.W.A.T teams to deal with this.

Omegas can wear a type of scarf that is rigid on the inside and won’t release unless the scent stones in it detect enough feel-good pheromones from the omega.

RUTS AND HEATS

Males experience ruts, females experience heats (no matter the presentation)

Heats/ruts happen 4 times per year

Heats are characterized by muscle weakness, muscle cramps, and/or skittish behavior. Ruts are characterized by irritability, increased reflexes/senses, heightened physical strength, and/or short temper. Both sides experience varying degrees of restlessness. Alphas will often spend the nights unable to sleep, watching over the omega as the protective instincts take over, they’re canines also grow and can’t retract. Omegas’ scent glands will swell and become tender, and will sleep a lot. When omegas are awake, they fidget and crave company. The sense of touch becomes hyperactive, making every surface prickly and uncomfortable. Below is a chart to help better visualize the contrasts and similarities.

NESTING

Nesting occurs when an omega feels 100% at ease in the presence of an alpha. It requires the subconscious to be perfectly content as well, so it takes a long time for an omega to get to the point. When it does happen, it counts as a major step and is normally followed by celebration.

It’s a big deal if the omega verbally shares her nest with her alpha. Either by offering for him to enter or saying “our nest” can basically cause an alpha to fall to his knees.

When an alpha wants his omega to nest, or thinks she might do soon, or while she is nesting, he will go about trying to prove he can protect and care for her. This involves doting on her, showing her affection, bringing things for the nest, or otherwise showing his fitness. The omega will carefully consider his offerings for her nest. If she doesn’t take any of his offerings, it means he didn’t do a good enough job proving himself to her. For this reason, having an omega view and scrutinize his offerings is very stressful for the alpha.

Below is a chart for the different ways alphas and omegas behave.

Scent gland locations (in blue):

Female (17 total):

Male (12 total):

#omegaverse #A/B/O verse #a/b/o

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animezing-fandoms · 4 years

Text

Learning to Love Chapter 2: Culture Clash

Masterlist

Warnings: Nudity

Relationship: Gruvia

Summary: Juvia brings Gray into her hut, where he'll be living with her, and they quickly notice the differences between males and females.

A/N: Oh my gosh it took me so long to write this! I also put off a lot of my schoolwork to get it done...Hope I don't regret that later. Well, here's the second chapter. I hope you like it!

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Juvia’s mouth felt dry as she tried to sort out these conflicting emotions in her brain. Out of reflex, she tossed the animal pelt she had been drying herself with at Gray, offering it to him to cover up. But he just watches the pelt fall into a pile on the grass in front of him.

“Why aren’t you covering up! You’re completely naked!” She shouts.

“Yeah I told you it happens sometimes, now please tell Raina not to kill me!” Gray screams desperately as Raina growls loudly and comes charging up the path towards them. She must have heard Juvia scream and came running to rescue her.

Juvia gasps as the naked male charges at her before hiding behind her and putting his hands on her shoulders.

“Raina calm!” Juvia commands, holding her hand out in front of the panther’s face as she skids to a halt in front of them.

After nuzzling her head against Juvia’s thighs, she walks past the two humans and makes her way to the hut.

It was then that Juvia was very aware of the naked male behind her.

“Gray, you can let go of Juvia now, Raina will not hurt you.” Juvia explains.

“You sure?” Gray asks.

“Yes. Juvia is sure.” She says.

Juvia’s breath hitches as he walks around from behind her and stands in front of her, allowing her to see all of him up close.

Since she was positive this male wouldn’t hurt her due to his fear of her panther, she decided to take this opportunity to study his male form. And she couldn’t help but feel something strange stirring in her lower belly as she observed the differences in their bodies.

She stared at the clearly defined muscles on his chest. She remembered having some trouble defeating him during their battle in his tribe because of that. And not only did he have muscles on his chest, but on his arms and legs as well. It would appear that the male body was built for strength. And as she looks down at his sacred rod, she confirms her initial thoughts towards it. It was the strangest thing she’d ever seen! It was like a pale, limp snake poking out of a bush of black hair.

As she was observing him, he was observing her. She was smaller than him, and her body didn’t seem as muscular, it was more delicate, and he found that he couldn’t look away from her chest. There was just something so intriguing about it. Without realizing it he found himself stepping closer until his chest bumped against hers and he fell on the ground in pain, covering his crotch.

Juvia smiles and helps him back up once his pain subsides.

“Come on, Juvia’s hut is right up here.” Juvia says and leads him to the entrance of her hut.

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On the outside, it looks just like the huts at the male tribe. Made of clay with a roof of twigs on top. But once Juvia brushes aside the leopard pelt that hung over the entrance and led Gray inside, he noticed an immediate difference. Females had a lot more stuff.

The walls of her hut were lined with various fur pelts. There were even some on the floor, but thankfully not near her igny pit.

She instructs him to sit down and make himself comfortable while she gathers the ingredients for her paste.

Raina comes in and growls at him. Gray gulps before the panther slinks over to a spot next to him that’s covered in black fur that matches hers and curls up to go to sleep.

“Where did you get all of these pelts?” Gray asks.

“Erza likes to hunt a lot.” Juvia says. “She has many pelts, more than she knows what to do with, so she gives them to the rest of us.”

“You don’t hunt?” Gray asks.

“No. Juvia is not much of a hunter. But she is good at gathering berries and nuts, and she can fish really well. I hope you don’t mind.” She says and plays with a lock of her hair.

“Well to be honest, I kind of prefer eating meat.” Gray says. “Meat is mostly what me and the other males eat. Hunting is something we all do and pride ourselves on. But I guess since I’m your prisoner I can’t be too picky.”

“Do not think of yourself as a prisoner. Juvia wants you to feel welcome here. She’s actually excited to have you here with her. She’s alone on this island most of the time. It’s nice to have someone here with her to talk to.” Juvia says with a smile.

Gray couldn’t help but feel his heart ache for her a bit. He knew how it felt to be isolated and alone. He was one of the most aloof males of the tribe. But while Gray craved to get away from all of the boisterous males in his tribe sometimes, Juvia seemed like she wanted to interact with people more.

“If you’re so lonely then why don’t you just live in the main village with the others?” Gray asks.

“Because Juvia likes it here.” Juvia explains. “And she’s not lonely, she can easily swim back and forth from here to the village whenever she wants. She was just saying that it’s nice to have someone in her home with her. Juvia is the only one who can swim out this far, so she doesn’t get many visitors.”

Gray nods, acknowledging what she said before looking around. He was very intrigued by all of these decorative trinkets and furs that adorned her hut. She had little collections of shells and a few rocks that sparkle when the light coming through the entrance of the hut hits them. But the most interesting thing to catch his eye was Juvia herself. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to pull his gaze away from her body. Before, when he was outside, he didn’t notice too many differences between the female body and his own body aside from the obvious differences which were covered by her thin pelts that she wore over those mounds on her chest and in-between her legs and over her hips. His sacred rod was shocked by seeing so much of her bare skin, but now that she was inside of her hut, a smaller space that required her to bend over and move her body in different ways as she gathered the herbs she would need to make the paste for his wrists, he was noticing other differences, and they were making his sacred rod angry.

For example, he could tell from observing her and the other females that unlike his male body that had a strong, rigid, straight structure that his muscles could build upon, the female body was built with many curves, more flexible and with less visible muscles than the male body. But just because they weren’t visible, didn’t mean they weren’t there or weren’t as strong as the males’. Erza proved that when she beat him up in his hut before she kidnapped him. But unlike then, when he was too focused on defending himself to notice how Erza moved, now he wasn’t focused on fighting and he was held captive by Juvia, both physically and mentally as his eyes followed every curve of her female form as she bent over a little wooden chest with compartments to take herbs out of some of them.

It was through those actions that he noticed how her back curved, and how much larger and rounder her rear was than his. It was making his sacred rod start to get angry again. But what really did him in, was that after she crushes up the herbs in a bowl with water, she crawls over to him on all fours, her large chest swinging as she moves. And Gray fell over instantly, holding his crotch in pain.

“Do you mind not moving like that so much?” Gray asks and groans. “It’s making my sacred rod angry.”

“Well perhaps your sacred rod will just have to get used to Juvia. She can’t help being female.” Juvia explains.

Gray groans as he sits up, his sacred rod was still mad but it wasn’t as angry as it initially was. And Juvia had stopped moving too so it could calm down.

“Now let Juvia have your wrist. This paste will make the rash go away.” She explains.

Gray frowns a bit, unsure if he should let this female tend to him but he figures there’s no harm in it so he extends his wrist to her and lets her apply the paste.

As Juvia gently rubbed the paste onto the rashes on his wrist, he couldn’t help but be drawn to how close his hand was to one of those large mounds on her chest. If he just brought his hand down an inch, he’d touch her creamy skin. He could grab that enticing mound of flesh in his hand, squeeze it, and then awaken his sacred rod’s power like Natsu had done with the female he encountered. His palm itched with desire to touch her, and he could feel his sacred rod twitching in anger, questioning why he wasn’t taking advantage of this opportunity. But then the growl of the panther that was asleep next to him calms his sacred rod, reminding it why he couldn’t touch her there.

“You keep staring at Juvia’s blessed mounds.” Juvia says.

So that’s what they were called. Gray thinks as he blushes, feeling a bit embarrassed by the fact that she caught him staring at her.

“It’s hard not to stare.” Gray explains. “They’re so big, and they’re right in my line of sight.”

“You’re thinking of touching them too aren’t you?” She questions before putting down his wrist.

“Obviously. You saw what happened when Natsu grabbed your tribe-mate’s mounds. I want to see if my sacred rod awakens when I grab yours.” Gray says.

Juvia rolls her eyes as she picks up his other wrist and gently applies the paste, this time holding his hand a bit farther away from her enticing bosom.

“The Grand Elder was right, you males are simple creatures that are only concerned with pleasing your sacred rod’s urges.” Juvia says.

“That’s not entirely true.” Gray says. “I also want to grab them because males don’t have them and I’m curious about what they are.”

Juvia seems thoughtful for a minute.

“Well, Juvia is also curious about why you males don’t have them, and why you don’t wear any pelts to cover your chest.” Juvia says. “Why do you have your peaks exposed?”

“My peaks?” Gray asks, confused by what Juvia was asking.

She points to one of the two dark patches of skin that were on either side of his chest, and he understands.

“Oh you mean chest buds?” Gray asks.

“I suppose so, if we call them different things.” Juvia says. “Why do males keep theirs exposed? Females prefer to keep ours hidden. That’s why we wear pelts over our mounds.”

“Huh. So yours are on your mounds?” Gray asks.

“Yes.” Juvia says. “That’s why we call them peaks, because they’re the peaks of our mounds.”

“Huh, so then your chest is just a bigger version of mine.” Gray concludes.

“It would appear so.” Juvia says.

“Are they hard?” Gray asks.

Juvia looks confused.

“What do you mean?” She asks.

“Male’s chests are hard.” Gray says and smacks his hand against his chest to demonstrate.

Juvia jumps a little, surprised by the sound of the slap, indicating how hard his body is.

“Are your mounds hard too?” Gray asks.

“No. Females mounds are soft to the touch.” Juvia says and brings her hand up to one of them and squeezes it gently to demonstrate its softness.

Gray’s sacred rod reacts instantly when he sees the flesh squish in her hand in-between her fingers.

“Ouch! My sacred rod is mad again.” He groans and presses on his crotch while bending over in pain, unintentionally pulling down his pelt a bit and allowing his erect rod to spring free, causing Juvia to yelp in surprise from it’s sudden appearance.

“Why do Juvia’s mounds make your sacred rod mad?” Juvia asks.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s something that you have that I don’t.” Gray says. “Speaking of which, I’m wondering, if you don’t have a sacred rod then what do you have?”

Juvia blushes from his question and his gaze as it shifts to the pelt in-between her thighs.

“It’s called a sacred passage.” She tells him.

“Sacred passage? What do you have a dirt path under there or something?” He asks.

“No it’s not like that…” Juvia says with a blush on her cheeks.

“Then what is it? Can I see it?” Gray asks.

“Absolutely not!” Juvia exclaims and looks away from him, crossing her arms.

“Why not? You’ve seen my sacred rod, why can’t I see your sacred passage? I don’t want to touch it or anything I just want to look.” Gray says.

“Well Juvia did not ask to see your sacred rod, you just whipped it out because you felt like it! You males have no modesty.” Juvia argues.

“I can’t help it. It just likes to be free.” Gray says.

“Well then go set it free somewhere Juvia cannot see it!” Juvia retorts.

“Fair enough.” Gray says with a shrug and tucks it back under his pelt. “But I can’t promise that you’ll never see it again. My sacred rod decides when it wants to be free, and then I strip my pelts off. I can’t control it.”

“Does this happen with all males?” Juvia asks.

“Nope just me for some reason.” Gray says.

Oh wonderful, I get stuck with the one male from the tribe that can’t keep his sacred rod in his pelt. Juvia thinks to herself as she puts away the paste and gets started on lighting an igny to cook dinner.

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Despite their dietary and cultural differences, both of them were both able to enjoy a nice meal together in the hut. Gray preferred to eat mostly meat, but these nuts, berries, and fish that Juvia had prepared tasted really good. He wolfed it down quickly, earning him a disgusted stare from Juvia who was eating her food by placing piece after piece of it into her mouth.

“It appears that males don’t savor their food.” She notices. “You prefer to just eat it all at once like animals.”

“I only ate it so fast because it tasted really good.” Gray says. “I’ve had fish before, but never with these nuts and berries. Cooking them altogether made them taste really good. You’re really good at cooking.”

Juvia blushes from his compliment and looks away shyly.

“Oh, thank you.” She says softly.

Then Gray’s stone bowl appears in her line of sight and she looks up to see him blushing at her.

“Could I have some more?” He asks.

She smiles and takes his bowl before adding more nuts, berries, and another fish to it. She makes a mental note that she’ll need to catch more in the future if the male appetite is this insatiable.

But now, it was time for another challenge. Their sleeping arrangements. Juvia didn’t have to tie Gray up since she was on an island so it’s not like he could escape but she only had one nest, so Gray would have to share it with her. As she spreads out the pelts in her nest she feels a bit nervous. Gray could easily grab her chest while she was asleep and she might not even wake up. But Raina would surely prevent him from touching her, that is if she wasn’t hunting.

She looks over at Gray and rolls her eyes when she sees he’s removed his pelts again.

“Gray, if you’re going to be sleeping in the nest with Juvia then you need to keep your pelts on.” Juvia says as she pulls a pelt over herself to settle into her nest.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not gonna be sleeping with you in there.” Gray says and sits on a pelt on the ground on the opposite side of the hut. “I’m gonna sleep here.”

“But it gets cold at night.” Juvia says, with worry in her voice. “You’ll freeze.”

“No I won’t. The cold doesn’t bother me.” Gray says and lays on the ground.

“Well, okay. But if you get too cold during the night, you may come into Juvia’s nest if you want.” Juvia says. “As long as your pelt is on when you come in.”

Gray turns his head to look at her and smiles.

“You know I can’t promise that Juvia. So unless you get used to me showing all of myself in my full pride, then I won’t be able to sleep with you in your nest. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. And I’m totally fine sleeping over here.” Gray says.

“Alright then.” Juvia says.

“Thank you.” He says. “For everything. For your paste and your food. The males in my tribe have never done something like that for me before. It was nice to be cared for for once.”

“You’re welcome.” Juvia says softly, pulling the pelt over her face a bit to hide her blush.

What was happening to her? She thinks as he looks at her with those dark, mysterious eyes and makes her heart pound in her chest. Just the sight of his male body made her own body heat up, and caused her to have strange feelings stirring in her lower belly. Perhaps this was the female equivalent of a sacred rod’s wrath?

“Goodnight.” She says to him, deciding that if she goes to sleep then these strange feelings will go away too.

“Goodnight.” Gray says with a soft chuckle from how cute she looks.

There was something intriguing about this female, and he wanted to find out more about her, and see what she was hiding under those pelts that made his sacred rod so mad. But there was no way in hell he was going to let himself be her prisoner, he had to get off of this island and back to the male tribe. He just needed to figure out how.

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A/N: Okay so I'm a little worried that this chapter isn't very good because it's more of a second part to the first chapter, but I think the next one will be more interesting. So please comment if you liked this chapter and tell me what about it you liked, and hopefully I'll get to the next update a lot quicker than I got to this one.

#gruvia #fairy tail #gray fullbuster #Juvia Lockser #stone age omake

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gaynoctgar · 4 years

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A Small Comfort

Summary: Set after Noctis’ and Ignis’ argument in Episode 4 of Brotherhood, Noctis learns to lean on his closest friend in his time of need.

Pairing: Prompto/Noctis, pre-relationship

Word Count: ~2800

So...I’m finally posting a fic I wrote. Last time I watched Brotherhood, I had wished Noct’s mental health was addressed more, so I made it happen! Trigger warning: a panic attack is described. I hope you enjoy!

>>i kno its late, but do u wanna come over?

Noctis stares hard at the cursor blinking at his screen, thumb hovering over the “send” button. Ignis has just left, and Noctis himself has screamed so hard he doesn’t think he can scream anymore, but there’s still a persistent ache in his chest, a need to not be alone. He can’t call Ignis, obviously, and he can’t call Gladio, so that leaves…

Noctis has been careful to leave Prompto out of this part of his life. It means so much to him that when he is with Prompto, he doesn’t have to worry about any of this. He doesn’t have to think about sustaining the wall, or complicated political reports, he can just be a normal teenager. But right now, he finds himself craving comfort in a way that he hasn’t since he was younger, when he was first injured. That doesn’t make the reaching out any easier.

He hits send before he can think any better of it and throws his phone across the couch. Immediately, it buzzes, and Noctis scrambles to look at the message.

>sure thing dude. Need me to bring anything?

In spite of everything, Noctis feels his heart lift slightly.

>>uh, junk food maybe?

>>but if you don’t have any uh >>just bring you.

Oh shit, he really sent that. He triple texted. But Prompto’s reply is just as quick.

>omw, the metro should get me there in 20. you feelin okay?

Well that’s...a question. The obvious answer would be “no” but Noctis falters before replying with that. He doesn’t want Prompto to think of him any differently, to see him as the prince. But he also, somehow, really wants to talk about this with someone he knows will just listen. Then, he thinks, that’s not fair to push onto Prompto. He can’t burden Prompto with all of this. Prompto has a life free of these kinds of worries, and Noctis cares about him too much not to keep it that way. Still...they have been getting closer lately. Noctis has never had a best friend before, but he suspects that best friends talk about these things. Are Ignis and Gladio best friends? Do they talk?

Just then, Noctis hears a knock at his door, startling him out of his thoughts. He looks down to see 5 more texts from Prompto that he missed while he was spacing out, and he rushes over to open the door. There stands his friend, with the promised junk food, and an overnight bag slung over his shoulder.

“Did ya fall asleep on me?” he tries to joke as he steps inside, but then he glances at Noctis again. It’s a look Noctis has never seen before, one that Noct doesn’t quite know how to parse. He then realizes what a slob he must look like--still in his school uniform at this late hour, unwashed hair sticking out every which way, clothing rumpled in weird places--and makes to say something about it, but Prompto very gently places a hand on his shoulder. Firm. Grounding. He sets the junk food down and looks at Noct dead-on.

“Hey...are you okay?” he asks, and Noct’s reflexes tell him to say that he’s fine, to downplay everything he is feeling, and to ignore it and make a joke to avoid having this conversation. But he looks at Prompto, at his soft features, his loose hair, the freckles that dot his face, and his swirling purple eyes, and it suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. The look in his eyes is so gentle, and he just wants to help Noctis, and all of it is a bit too much and--

Wait.

He actually can’t breathe.

All he can think about is that conversation with Ignis, replaying in his head, and his fear of telling Prompto what’s really going on, what he will really have to face someday, because if he does he will lose him and he can’t lose Prompto, this precious boy who is so kind, and he can’t lose his father, and--

When did the floor get so close?

Somehow, he is kneeling on the ground, and Prompto is right there with him. He’s saying something but the words sound fuzzy, like there’s a high-pitched whine blocking everything out. Both of Prompto’s hands are on his shoulders--the only sensation he can really register--and he focuses all of his energy into understanding what Prompto is saying. It’s really hard because all he feels is the blood rushing through him, like he just ran a marathon, and breathing is even harder and takes up so much of his effort right now. He feels dizzy, like he hasn’t eaten in days.

“...--ear me?” Noct manages to make out. Prompto’s probably asking if Noctis can hear him. He nods, slightly.

“Good, that’s really good, buddy,” Prompto soothes him, his voice getting clearer with each word, but Noctis still feels as though he...can’t move from this strange position he’s found himself in. He thinks, vaguely, that if it weren’t for Prompto’s hands on his shoulders, he might actually die. He wants to tell him this, to say thank you, to do anything, but it all catches in his throat. Why can’t he move?

“Just breathe with me, okay? Can you do that?” Prompto is asking him. Was Noctis not breathing? He nods again. Prompto begins counting out the breaths, and Noctis does his best to follow along, each deep breath easing his muscles, and slowing his heart down. He hadn’t realized how fast it was beating. He doesn’t know how long they stay there, breathing slowly, in and out, until Noct’s body releases him from the grip he was in.

“Better?” Prompto asks, simply, and Noctis finally has it in him to look at him.

“S’good,” Noct replies. “Thanks.”

He tries to get himself off the ground, but of course his bad leg is acting up. Yet another thing he hasn’t told Prompto.

“Whoa there, let me help,” Prompto is saying, hoisting himself up and reaching a hand down to Noct. Noct takes it, gratefully, and leans into the touch more than he’d like to admit to get himself standing again.

“I’m sorry. I have no idea what just happened,” is what flies out of Noct’s mouth before he has the chance to stop it.

“Has it happened before?” Prompto asks earnestly, and Noct shakes his head no. At least...not that he could remember. Maybe now and then, but he usually just slept it off, now that he thinks about it.

“I...think that was a panic attack, dude,” Prompto says slowly, carefully, guiding Noct to sit back on the couch with him. “Have you been worrying about something?”

Was that what that was? All of the worry he’s tried to lock away...consuming him? Noctis shrugs noncommittally.

“If you have...I’m here if you need,” Prompto says, softly. “But I won’t make you talk if you don’t wanna.”

Noctis realizes his friend is giving him a way out. And if nothing else, he knows that Prompto will be true to his word. If he says he doesn’t want to talk, Prompto will not push him, and will at least pretend to forget about the incident.

But…

Noctis can’t shake the feeling that not talking is exactly what got him here. He’s only 16, and he’s pretty sure most people his age don’t just break down like that. Yes, Prompto is offering him a way out...but he is also offering him comfort and help. On his own terms. Not because Noctis is a prince in need of protecting, but because he’s his friend. Maybe, if he’s careful…

“...it’s a lot of things, to be honest,” Noctis finally breathes out, when he remembers how to make his mouth say words again. “...prince stuff. I don’t wanna…” he mumbles, turning away.

But Prompto has reached out to place a hand on his shoulder again.

“Doesn’t matter to me if it’s prince stuff. It’s definitely bothering you,” he begins, softly, slowly, giving Noct time to process every word. Now that Noctis thinks about it, Prompto has always spoken to him like this: gently, slowly, even when he is angry. But this voice? It’s soft, and low, almost as if to remind Noctis he is safe here.

“Right but I….you….you’re separate from all that. I like it that way,” Noctis tries to explain. “You remind me I’m someone beyond that…I…” he continues, but it fades away. Prompto’s arm has slid around his shoulders, tugging Noctis in to lean against him, and Noctis doesn’t have it in him to fight it. Hell, he doesn’t want to.

Prompto laughs just a little bit when he sees how Noctis has curled into his side on the couch, and slides his hand up to card through his hair. It feels...nice, comforting, but something else too. Almost...electric, like little sparks are dancing across his nerves when Prompto’s fingers brush across his scalp, gently pulling the knots in his hair free. Noctis has been feeling this more and more recently, and he doesn’t really know what to call it. Maybe it’s just that he’s so starved of physical contact aside from getting his ass kicked in training. He sighs into the contact, and he can hear Prompto’s voice vibrating under his ear.

“Yeah, you’re my best dude, you know that. I definitely think of you as Noct first,” he turns, slightly, attempting to make eye contact with Noct, who keeps his face turned away, “but you also happen to be Prince Noctis. It’s a part of you, and you don’t have to shut me out of it. I want to help you with whatever I can, whether it’s a really difficult boss fight on a video game….or prince stuff,” he finishes, smiling to himself.

At this, Noctis does bring his head up from Prompto’s shoulder so he can look him in the eye. Prompto smiles at him softly, his indigo-purple eyes drawing Noctis closer in a way he can’t quite describe. He wants to say something, anything, to tell Prompto how amazing and wonderful and patient he is. Instead...he slumps forward, on instinct, burying his face in the crook of Prompto’s neck, wrapping his arms around him in an embrace. One that Prompto eagerly returns, after a moment of shock. Noctis can’t even remember the last time he was hugged, let alone the last time he initiated a hug, but it feels...natural and good. Prompto traces the fingers of one hand up Noctis’ neck and tangles them in his hair once more, his other hand softly rubbing his back.

Noctis feels so comforted that he doesn’t ever want to leave, doesn’t want to think about saying anything to spoil the moment. But he trusts Prompto more than anything and, the longer they are here, pressed close together, the more he feels the urge to talk about it. Prompto’s a good friend, he’ll listen. Noctis breathes in his familiar and warm scent one more time...and takes the plunge.

“My dad is dying, Prompto,” he mumbles quietly, giving sound to the thought that has most been plaguing his mind ever since his father started needing to use his cane. “It’s the Wall. It keeps us safe, and it’s killing him,” he manages, before he falters. Putting it into words almost has Noctis panicking again, but he hears Prompto gasp a little bit before wrapping his arms around him tighter, pulling him even closer.

“I’m so sorry,” he says. “No wonder you’ve been so sad.”

And that’s all. Nothing about how Noctis will need to be stronger to fill his father’s shoes, nothing about how he isn’t fit to be a king, nothing about how he can’t be upset, just acknowledging that it sucks. Something breaks within Noctis, but he really, really doesn’t want to cry in front of Prompto. It’s a strange mix of emotions. He pushes away slightly, so Prompto doesn’t have to deal with it, and finds himself locking eyes with Prompto again, Prompto’s strong arms preventing him from getting too far. And if he’s a good friend, he deserves to know the last bit of truth that Noctis has been keeping from him. Maybe he can get out of all of this now, while he has a chance.

“I feel like I should tell you one more thing,” Noctis says, almost a whisper.

“Sure, Noct,” Prompto replies immediately. “Lay it on me.”

“I don’t think you’ll like this one,” Noctis smiles slightly, in spite of it. What a ridiculous mess of emotions he is right now. “When...when Dad dies. Probably soon,” he tries, waving his hands around erratically against the tide of emotion he feels--just one of many behaviors his father and the Citadel have tried to train out of him. He takes a deep breath and continues, “someone will have to keep the Wall up. That someone will have to be me--” he tries to explain, but his voice breaks on the last word, and he presses the palms of his hands to his eyes, as if that will stop the tears, but to no avail. He did not want this to happen, Prompto is going to think he’s so weak, and a mess, and--

“It’s okay to be upset about it,” Prompto says, gently grabbing Noctis’ wrists to pull them away from his face. Noctis peeks at his dear friend--his kind, wonderful, patient friend--and is met with the gentlest look he thinks he’s ever seen from anyone. He thinks maybe Prompto is crying too, but then he’s completely overwhelmed because Prompto is gently brushing his tears away with his thumb.

“It’s a lot to take in, but I’m glad you told me,” he soothes. Noctis feels his face heating up, but he doesn’t push Prompto away at all. He leans closer, craving more of that contact. “It helps me to know everything,” he says with a soft smile.

“I’m sorry,” Noctis apologizes on instinct, before he gets too caught up, before he’s unable to pull away. “Don’t mean to be a bummer,” he tries to joke, but Prompto isn’t having it.

“Hey, this is serious. Your feelings are important to me,” he reminds, his tone only slightly harsh to show his seriousness. His tone then softens, “and you’re being very brave.”

“I don’t feel brave,” Noctis replies, before he can stop himself. “I’m afraid.”

“Oh, Noct,” Prompto sighs, pulling him back into their earlier embrace, rubbing his back with one hand. “Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means you’re afraid and you do it anyway. My mom told me that a long time ago…” he trails off somewhat wistfully.

His mom? Noctis thinks to himself. He almost wants to ask more, but he knows Prompto’s parents are a very sore subject, and he leaves it for another day. For now, he soaks in the comfort, trying not to feel embarrassed at the tears that flow now and then.

Noctis isn’t sure how long it is before he stops crying, but he feels his back and legs start to ache from the strange, huddled position he’s found himself in, and he pushes back sheepishly.

“Sorry about all that,” he apologizes. “Probably not what you signed up for…”

“What I “signed up for” was to be your friend,” Prompto responds, stern, but not unkind, as he stretches out his own arms. “That means good stuff and bad, you know.”

Does it? Noctis has always felt that he has had to live up to the image of the ideal prince, even with Ignis and Gladio. But Prompto...well, Prompto just saw him at his lowest, and the look in his eyes tells Noctis there’s no place he’d rather be. That look makes his heart jump in his throat, slightly, yet another thing he’s been trying to ignore.

“I...thank you,” Noct mumbles, waving his hands around again, this time because he’s overwhelmed that Prompto still wants to be his friend. Prompto, for his part, smiles knowingly at the motion. That’s another conversation they’ll have to have, Noct supposes, but he’s all drained right now.

Sensing this, Prompto hoists himself off the couch.

“Well, I brought over this junk food for a reason. Why don’t we get more comfortable and order a pizza?” he asks, gesturing to the fact that Noct is still in his school uniform. “We don’t have to think about any of this for a little while, if you don’t want to. Play video games, just vibe...”

Noct smiles. How does Prompto know exactly what he needs?

“That sounds awesome, dude.”

#promptis #prompto argentum #noctis lucis caelum #ffxv fanfic #final fantasy xv #i'm real excited about this one y'all #i think it came out real well #i hope y'all enjoy!!!#haley writes ffxv #haley.exe #listen i just wanted noct to get to talk #there's a lot of talking in this one but i like it

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kpopscenario · 4 years

Text

Did I stutter?

(Part 1)

Pairing: Yunho x Female Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut

Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: Two mafia gangs, enemies to death. And one twisted, dark desire connecting the two.

A/N: Mafia!Au, Shooting, Kidnapping, Slight Gunplay, Degradation, Cursing

___

“Everything’s planned and there will be no re-arrangements”, the dark-haired man in the boss’ chair talked with a clear but low voice. His raven black eyes darted at each and everyone of us standing around the glass table. A few nods and agreements later, Hongjoong stood up, nodded and looked at the clock that hung above the entry door. “Everyone’s at their told position at exactly 1am. Not much time left so you better prepare and hurry. I want no mistakes. The raid will be fully under control.”

“Yes, boss”, my colleagues all agreed with the leader and then left the room with their heavy, black coats on and their hidden weapons. Next to the basic guns everyone in the gang had with them like a second skin, each one had their own specialty. If it was the shotguns, a simple baseball bat, the handling of daggers or garrote wires. Everyone had their skill and mine consisted of my two babies on my back. Two of the sharpest and most dangerous daggers were placed crosswise on a belt around my lower back, hidden under the thick coat but perfect to reach in a heated situation. Not only had I been trained by Hongjoong the leader and best skilled man in the gang himself but also did my flawless skills brought me to the position of Hongjoong’s personal assistant and best assassin. Although the relatively young leader wasn’t even a bit soft from the outside and was able to intimate people with his simple presence, I could see the man behind the stern expressions and fierce orders. There was a caring core, a man caring for his people, for his family. He wasn’t the same person without the people around him, supporting him till death would part us all. We basically had no secrets from eachother, I knew the men in this gang as well as they knew about me and my imperfections. On this high level of professionalism that we all possessed, only the skilled ones were able to see other’s flaws and only like that, we could improve ourselves on a daily training basis.

Life in such a gang wasn’t a piece of cake. Days were packed with group and individual training sessions that could easily last until the sun was down again and you’d be sore for days. Going to bed at 3 in the morning after having had a hot shower and some stretching exercises had become a natural routine for me. There wasn’t much time for oneself. If it wasn’t for training, time would pass during meals with the others before the next session was due. That or some special tasks that would come directly from Hongjoong in my case. As his personal assistant, I for instance was responsible for the newcomer training session with the basic weapons everyone needed to master before going to an actual mission. So needless to say, I had made a name in the gang. And not only because I was the only female in the task force, my sharp working, skilled hands and an intimidating image spoke for themselves. Even rolemodel fighters with the same level as me knew not to mess with me. My temper was under control mostly but hell, you didn’t want to make me mad.

Not if you didn’t want to lose some fingers.

While I was sharping my precious daggers, seated on the boss’ table, I felt the presence of another pair of eyes on me. So I didn’t even have to look up to know how Hongjoong was observing me once again. It was a habit of him, I guess it made sense to observe the members of his pack. In the end, we were the ones to fuck everything up if the worst happened. He was very strict considering the selection of people that were allowed to go on a mission. Only the best ones were qualified, a newcomer needed years of training before being allowed to do little tasks on their own. The punishment for a failed mission…well, they were connected with not only shame and disgrace within the members of the gang but also with being banned from missions for an awfully long time.

I had already gone on multiple missions. Not only raids and assassination missions, there had been countless interrogations that I had to lead, to get the precious information squeezed out of someone. And I was good at my job. There had been crashed missions, ruined by my team. We succeeded in stopping our enemies from making business profits countless times. If my team was something then we were stubborn and hard to rip off once we were glued on someone.

But every gang had that one person that was especially hard to deal with. In our gang I guess that this person was me, but in the pack of our enemy it was this one man, the biggest pain in the ass.

Jeong Yunho.

This awfulness of a man had been the constant burden, an annoying problem that kept appearing out of nowhere, when we least expected him to pop up and when we needed that extra portion of trouble the least. That man was the issue in my usual flawless rapports that kept making me look like a failure. It was because of him that Hongjoong kept pushing me harder, he wanted me to finally get rid of that plague.

And so, I had almost made it a personal mission to observe Yunho over the years.

Needless to say, Yunho hadn’t been involved in all my missions considering his pack. Even when we were sabotaging their traffic or their own missions, he had sometimes only been in the background. But the few times I had met him on the battlefield, I could catch a lot of his shadow-like character.

Although he must have been in my age, he was boosting with not only seriousness surrounding him in everything that he did, but he was also that kind of person that could easily snap your neck without even flinching. He was stern but could also throw those awfully annoying jokes at his enemy that was about to shoot a bullet in his head. He wasn’t scared to die. Yunho was skilled, there was no doubt about it. I had seen it myself, how fast his reflexes were and how well he was with controlling his physical strength. Yunho had brought down too many men of our gang, his team wasn’t even that big but fuck, sometimes they came over us like a lightning. Nevertheless, Yunho wasn’t the actual leader of the enemy’s pack. He was their best taskforce member and basically had the same position as me in my gang. I knew him that well because he kept making those vendettas between the two packs about him and me. I hated how he used missions as some kind of competition between good fighters. What was his profit of that?

He wanted to see us fail, wanted to see me fail.

Wanted to see me break and fall.

But hell did he know that I wanted the same with him.

I didn’t chose to stand in constant competition with this asshole of a man. He was the enemy and I wanted nothing with seeing him dead. That’s what I wanted. Not his provocative comments when he succeeded and I failed. Not that smirk he wore whenever we would meet in a heated scene. Not that over-confidently look everytime he tried to rile me up, just to make my own confidence drop. Hell, it wasn’t working. He would never get enough satisfaction from all those games he was playing. I wasn’t his fucking puppet but a fierce competitor that wanted him to break.

I must had zoomed out completely in my raging thoughts, since I needed a few seconds to notice what Hongjoong now had said towards me.

“Everything’s planned”, the male in front of me mumbled once again, more to himself. It made me nod hesitantly. Focus on this mission.

“As you said before. It will work out, don’t worry. We have gone through this plan so often. They will be fucked after our little visit.”

And then, every sense of possible doubt or insecurity was vanished from Hongjoong’s face. He was into that cold state of mind, which would leave me scared and sleepless at the beginning of my career. If I hadn’t known him better, my knees would have given up right then and there. But now I was just hopping off the table as he had gotten his coat on, put the shotgun around his frame and rushed out of the headquarter – with me by his side.

“Let their heads roll.”

12:46.

That was what my silver wristwatch told me as I was around the corner from the enemy’s local point. They also had their headquarter but we did our research and knew for a fact that this gang had meetings in their own underground bar every night basically. But on every Thursday night there would be a bigger scene down there, not only casual hangouts, some clients and no-names. On Thursdays like this one, there would be the high class in that basement and we were ready to finish our rivalry with them on this day. End the rivalry without peace but with their blood on our guns.

It was a cold spring night and the thin leather gloves didn’t really bring me the warmth my body craved but right now I couldn’t care less about being cold. There was a mission and a clear target. Through the little microphones we had in our ear, the gang members kept sending their status updates about their positions and condition, something we were required to do. Hongjoong would get crazy mad if someone would so on a solo trip without communicating, the punishment for that was worse than making small mistakes.

“In position”, I heard another whisper through the microphone. With my eyes on the bar entrance, I was keeping my position as planned. A thousand times before. I didn’t need more than a few extra seconds to spot two of our snipers, positioned in the third floor of the building opposites the bar’s front and of the side entrance.

“Jane, update.” Hongjoong’s sudden voice in my ear made me slip back into reality. I cleared my throat.

“Sorry, in position.”

“Good. Wait for the green light then.”

With that, the voices disappeared and I could notice the city’s nightlife sounds. They were faded in the background since we weren’t exactly in the most popular and crowded quarters of the city. The streets here were narrow, dark and only semi-lit from the old street lanterns. There weren’t any citizens passing by, there was a cat rushing from car under another but next to that, silence. Suffocating silence even. I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears next to the loud breathing. I was stiff but my hand was already under my coat, always ready for any unwanted surprise. The cold daggers were like an extension of my arm, I would only have to lift my arm and a throat would be covered with a cute red line. People really shouldn’t mess with me if I had my uniform on. The daggers were on my lower back while the colt was in its pocket attached to the belt around my waist. The chains around my chest weren’t only aesthetic as well, if I needed to use them to tie someone up, I would with no hesitation. Black hair was braided so it wouldn’t become a burden.

“12.57, get ready. Guards are out of sight apparently. Have you checked?” As soon as I heard Hongjoong’s voice, I couldn’t help but notice the lack of people guarding the basement. Usually there weren’t always some men there as well but still, it let me question things. Did it mean something or was it just their own casualty that made them forget guards on their bar? Right then, the snipers and the task team confirmed that there wasn’t anyone around, not even on the back of the bar. Meant we had free field.

“No snipers?”

“No snipers either, sir.”

“1am. Let’s go then. Go, go, go!”

And with Hongjoong permission, we started the mission. While my heart was beating up to my ears and I could feel how sweaty my hands got in the gloves, I watched the first wave rush across the street like shadows. Silent and almost flowing they reached their position. Two on the entrance, one on the side entrance, three at the back and the snipers ready to stop anyone who would try to slip through our hands. I made eye contact with the one on the side who then nodded back at me as I gave him permission to storm in. And after a few exchanged orders, they were all inside. I could only hear three loud doors banging open and people shouting messily, inaudible what they were saying.

Furniture crashed around.

Shots.

People wildly screamed.

Guns clicking.

Glass shattered.

Cries of help.

Footsteps, people running, tripping, falling.

All this was audible from my distanced position. My fingertips were tingling. Not sure if it was from the cold or from the fact that I didn’t take my hand off the dagger since Hongjoong gave the order to attack. I could only imagine what was happening in there. For now, not one soul left the bar. Not one enemy, not one member of the own pack. Only 7 minutes had passed as I looked at my watch. Time seemed to fly past me. I wanted to be in there, help them, shoot the enemy, bring this to a definite end.

This enemy had been an unpleasant burden for us for many many years now. Not only were they the biggest competitor when it came to our traffic business but also had they killed dozens of our men. They were known for their strategy and clever field tactics. They had smart heads in their teams that figured out how to drag their competitors down, make them fail or lose sudden profit. How often did we hear about them having stolen trucks full of our goods. They kept hacking in our systems, trying to do the same we were doing with them for years. Their task force on the other side, with which I had to deal most of the times, was as clever and tactical as ours. They would come up with backup plans that were as unexpected as they were dangerous to us, however we knew their game. We weren’t stupid. We had a whole time that was analyzing their steps and tricks on a daily basis. We knew them and they knew us. It was a rivalry on a high level, with dirty tricks and lots of blood flowing between the fronts. The people from the enemy gang weren’t too underrate at all, but so weren’t we. They were the biggest pain in the ass and we had reached a point where almost weekly streetfights just weren’t enough anymore. A new strategy had to come up. And Hongjoong had enough of those little plans, he wanted to go all in with this mission.

___

“We will show them that they can’t mess with us anymore. We will bring this rivalry to an end, whatever the costs will be.”

And he was very specific about that ‘whatever the costs will be’ part. He literally had the coldest and most stern face on in that meeting that he showed us in a very long time. He really meant what he brought to plan later on. The mission was clear. Set a sign. Bring them to fall. Bring them to their knees and let them beg for their dear lives. Show no mercy. Think of all the brothers they had taken away from us.

___

I was already changing my weight from one foot to the other as I was getting a little impatient by now. I sighed out loud while I waited for someone to give an update.

Someone. One soul.

Fucking hell, where were all of them?

“Help”, someone then finally broke the silence and it left me gasping.

“Yes, green light?”

“Come in, n-now.”

They didn’t need to tell me twice. And so I rushed across the street, a shadow myself. Daggers ready at hand as I pushed the door, which was already open and went inside the narrow and semi lit bar. I tried to keep my breathing as quiet as possible as I was looking around. Like a cat I scanned my surroundings while moving deeper in the building, slowly checking my back again before I rushed down the old stairs that made some creaking noises under my heavy boots. For a moment, I was surrounded by pure darkness and wondered why but when I reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped on a broken lightbulb, everything seemed a bit more like a recent fight. With a careful but swift movement, I turned around towards the actual room where the bar was, ready to cut some throats as my hands now held both dagger handles.

But to my shock, there was no need to.

With wide eyes, I scanned the pale faces of my gang members, some already covered in blood, some were as clean as me. Their hair was messed up, guns in their hands. I then dropped my eyes to the motionless bodies on the floor. Clearly they were dead, the blood puddles under their heads and bodies were enough proof and the fact that my men were standing still in front of those on the floor showed me that they weren’t any danger anymore. The bar was a complete mess. On the huge shelf above the actual bar counter barely were any bottles left. Most of the shattered glass was on the counter, spread all over the wooden floor or even in the hallway where I was standing. Chairs were spread across the whole room, as well as the heavy tables. It was pure chaos, nothing else. Nevertheless, something wasn’t right and this feeling made cold shivers run down my spine. With hesitation, I looked up at their lost faces once again.

“This…makes no sense. There weren’t only these four people.” Although it wasn’t a question, I didn’t seem sure about what to ask them since they looked clueless as well. No, there had to be more to it.

“We stormed the bar and all we found were two people in here and these two hiding in the backrooms”, Mingi’s explanation made me clench my jaw and grab my gun firmly. I needed to see it myself. The clock was ticking and this mission just couldn’t be already over, what- ten minutes?

“One will stay here and report. One follows me to the other rooms. Hurry up!”, their hesitation made me get impatient as hell, so I sounded even harsher than I usually did. It was enough to make Mingi gulp and quickly follow me out of the big room.

“But there aren’t even too many other rooms-”, I cut Mingi by shushing him and nodding into the direction of the stairs.

“Go upstairs and check every fucking room, turn every table, report and be fucking careful. They are fucking with us, I know it.”

Mingi didn’t hesitate to go upstairs when I told him to. Although he was at least one and a half heads taller than me, he was intimidated by me and it was good like that. Now I was the one who needed to be rational. Once Mingi was gone, I decided to check the bathrooms, well – one dirty trashhole consisting of two disgusting cabins. Nothing. I made sure to not fling the doors open like a maniac so if there actually still was someone, they wouldn’t be gone by now. With piercing eyes and a heart that was alarmingly loud against my chest, I rushed into the next room, then the next. They were all empty! Fuck.

Once I had checked every room and arrived at the main room twice, there was no patience left in my body. My nerves had found an end and I just wanted to solve the mystery why they weren’t in here. What the fuck had they set up? By now, the fact that they had probably planned something bigger was the loudest thought in my head right now and I hated this deep down to my guts. I could hear Mingi talking through his microphone as I was making my way towards the bathrooms again. I didn’t really hear exactly what Mingi was discussing but based on the frustrated stuttering that left his mouth, he was probably talking to a very unpleasant Hongjoong. Fuck, now I didn’t want to imagine how raging the leader must have been. Did we fuck up? I mean we killed all the men in the bar and that was the mission as far as I could memorize. But my guts told me something bad was coming for us. For all of us.

A loud bang interrupted my messy thoughts and made me flinch heavily. The fuck was that? It didn’t come from inside. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Wide eyed, I instantly rushed around the corner but paid attention that nobody would surprise me from any of the rooms I had already checked a hundred times before.

“Mingi”, I hissed into the microphone as I was facing the backdoor. There was a suffocating silence on the other end of the line and it made me want to scream up the stairs. Was he deaf? “Mingi, this is a fucking order. Answer me, what happened?”

“Jane, what is going on in there? Do you need more men?”, Shit, I didn’t need Hongjoong to ask the same as I wanted to ask Mingi. Was was this man doing upstairs?

And there it was again. A loud banging sound, clearly from outside. I wanted to call Mingi again but there was no way that I could wait for him to answer right now. With a pounding heart and a dagger in my sweaty hand, I pressed my back at the backdoor. For a moment I closed my eyes, a way that I could prepare to storm out later. Breathe in, breathe out.

3…

2…

1…

“Jane, answer!”

The door swung open, a trashcan fell on the ground from the collision with the wooden door and filled the darkness of streets with an echoing sound. I looked around with wide eyes, hot breath created a cloud infront of my face.

This … this didn’t make sense. Where did that loud bang come from? Where the hell was Mingi and what was the plan of the enemy? I was almost growling out of frustration as I looked around and walked a few steps before Hongjoong’s loud and clearly affected voice broke the piercing silence once more.

“Jane, for fuck’s sake! Answer me, or I-”

“Or you will what?”

The voice behind me made my heart drop. I thought my knees would give in – not this voice. Anyone’s but his. Never in a million years would I have expected that fucking man behind me and especially not right on my ear. Out of reflex, I gasped loudly but had enough fighting instinct inside of me so that I could swing my arm out. The dagger hitting nothing but air created a sharp sound, but that sound was interrupted when the person grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm effortlessly. A sharp and painful scream escaped my mouth. The dagger fell to the ground, my wrist was pounding I just wanted to end that person.

With all the force I had, I tried to rip my arm out of his harsh grip which turned out to be impossible. So I went over to my second option, grabbed the second dagger and instantly slammed it back where the man’s torso should be placed. And apparently it worked, the man groaned and cursed loudly before he grabbed that hand as well.

“You’re a very clever one, huh?”, his low voice right on my ear made me quiver and feel sick to my stomach but the moment didn’t last too long since moments later, I found myself slammed against the brick wall, face forward, his body behind me. I winced in pain and shifted as much as I could, trying everything for him to let go. I tried to kick, bite, to smack him upside the head. His grip on my wrists only got harsher and actually hurt like hell. At one point he was shifting a lot behind me and even held my wrists in one hand. Even then I couldn’t free himself, no matter how much I moved them and fought against the grip that would surely leave bruises on my body.

“Get the fuck off me! I will literally rip your head off if you don’t-”, I wanted to scream again in hopes the gang would hear me. But before I could even raise my voice, the tall man pressed some kind of fabric against my mouth, covering my nose too with his big hand. I fought against the wet cloth, knowing very well what that was. I wouldn’t faint! As the panic inside of me was rising, I couldn’t help but to breathe faster and uncontrolled. The man had me caged against the wall, I couldn’t move my arms, nor could I kick him, or bite him.

I was trapped.

“Give up already, little one. You’re not winning this fight”, the man behind me growled in my ear as his lips were brushing against my skin which made me gasp again. But this time, that was a horrible idea. Having breathed in way too much of the chloroform, I could feel the strength leaving my body within seconds. My attempts to hit him were reduced as my muscles seemed to shut down. It was getting hard to keep the eyes open.

“Jane? Jane! Answer!”, Hongjoong.

Once again I tried to collect the rests of my strength. I needed to talk to him, he would help me. Anyone would rescue me. Frustrated filters however were the only sounds that left my lips as the stranger only pressed me harder against the wall, soon I even felt an arm tightly around my waist. Without, I would have probably fallen on the ground already.

“H…h-hong..”

“Sorry to disappoint you but this girl will go offline now”, Yunho talked into the ear where I had my microphone in, again I felt his lips against my ear but this time I could literally not do anything against him anymore. My vision got blurry, every sound faded to the background and I felt the urge to lie down.

The last thing I could remember was my numb body getting picked up, footsteps, muffled curses…

then blackness.

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hufflautia · 4 years

Note

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them. my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help.

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven

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lu-undy · 4 years

Note

Hello again! I hope im not bothering you, Mundy was gone for how many years...he was still in a mannco, while Lucien is already retired for being a spy. Lu was totally miss sniper. He can't handle it already for being alone. He thought that his lover was already death. But soon, Mundy ( looks totally different he has a long beard, lots of scars in his arms) came back.

Hey, thank you for the request, I absolutely loved writing this! I hope you will like reading it! :D

“Bonjour”

[Hello.]

Lucien entered his usual bakery in Paris and didn't even have to say what he wanted. The baker knew him and his routine: one baguette and two croissants.

"Ajoutez deux éclairs au chocolat, s'il vous plaît."

[Add two chocolate éclairs, please.]

The ex-Spy paid what he owed and returned to the solitude of his flat, poured some coffee in a cup, and sat on his table, reading the newspaper.

He had retired years ago now and it had been about the hardest decision to make. Although, in truth, it hadn't been his at all. He had been injured beyond what Medic could repair and it was a miracle that he didn't completely bust his kneecap. Ah, that shot from Team Vanguard's Sniper…. However, it was enough to put a stop to his contract with Mann Co. and to his entire career.

But his damaged knee did not only put a sudden end to his career. Back when he was a Spy, Lucien shared his life with a friend who turned into a lover. More than that, Sniper turned out to understand him more and better than any previous romantic conquest ever before, and Lucien let himself fall in love as deeply as he could ever be.

They shared their days, their meals and their nights together, becoming inseparable, yet remaining professional on the battlefield. They went by Spy and Sniper at work, and Lucien and Mundy when they were on their own.

What a luxury for Spy, to have a lover who could know and did know that he was a Spy. There was very little left that Lucien could hide from him and so he trusted Mundy with everything, from his body to his thoughts. Even the darkest corners of his mind he shared with him. Not only he could, but he also felt safe enough in the strong arms of the man his heart beat for.

It had never changed. Lucien still loved him. There wasn't a day where he didn't think about Mundy, there wasn't a moment where he didn't crave his presence. But it had been years now, and if he recalled correctly, it would have been their seventh anniversary on that very day.

Lucien stared at the box containing the chocolate éclairs he had bought. It was on the table in front of him. Those were Mundy's favourite pastries and he loved them too. Anytime they needed to celebrate something, or if he just wanted to treat him, Lucien would buy some. He had kept the habit even though Mundy wasn't with him anymore.

When he had left Mann Co., both of them decided that it would be better to not try and keep in touch. They loved each other too much to just write letters or phone each other. What they had shared was so much stronger than that.

Often, Lucien wondered if Mundy too thought about him or if he just had forgotten and moved on. Maybe he had found someone else, maybe he had managed to turn the page. But not Lucien. He had gotten rid of most objects that reminded him of Mann Co., in an effort to try and forget, but of course it ended up doing the exact opposite.

Each new day that God made, Lucien missed Mundy more. From the moment he would wake up, in a bed that was too large, empty and cold, to his meals that he would have with the sound of the clock, counting the ticks and tocks that separated him from his loved one.

There were days where Lucien wouldn't exit his flat at all, and he wouldn't even open his blinds. The world asked too much of his energy and facing it alone was above him. That was on days where the weather wasn't too cold. When winter hit, it usually meant for Lucien that his knee would trouble him more than usual, and his cane wasn't enough to help him walk.

He sighed. Every year he would celebrate the anniversary alone. It reminded him of when he was a child. He would spend his birthdays more or less alone too, as Lucien had always been a man of very few friends. But celebrating it on his own did not mean that he should not do it properly. He went to his room and dressed up accordingly.

Black socks, garters, Burgundy striped trousers, white shirt, dark red tie, Burgundy striped jacket, black gloves. Ah, and of course, the matching balaclava.

He had got rid of almost all the objects that reminded him of Mundy, but not the suit. Non, it was the one that Mundy had touched, sometimes just lightly, a tap on the shoulder, other times fiercely, almost to the point of ripping it apart to get to Lucien's hot bare skin.

His skin prickled as if he could feel it all again. Lucien raised his head to his mirror and looked at himself. He pushed the front grey lock of hair which, as usual, stuck out of the mask, and adjusted the balaclava, like a sad clown tired to put on a show; because that was exactly what it was, a show. A comedy for the cynical and a tragedy for Lucien himself.

He frowned at his reflection. That was it, he was him again. He was Spy.

Spook.

His ears pricked up as if he could hear it for real, Mundy's voice calling him. Lucien took a deep breath and sighed.

And he proceeded to spend his entire day roleplaying as his past, happier self. He even faked a few grins, here and there. The first one hurt his lips, and the ones that followed asked almost too much of his energy. Pff… And to think he used to be a spy, paid to pretend and lie. Now, he couldn't even fake a smile.

Spy took his cane and walked out of his flat. He needed to see it. He needed to see people's awkward looks at his mask, at the ridiculous uniform. He held his cane in his hand and walked without it for a few steps, pretending that he was Spy again. And people stared more at his physical appearance than his limp.

He walked, took step after step, feeling his entire right leg and thigh weigh a ton, his knee screaming in pain. But Lucien bit his cheek and frowned. No amount of physical pain compared to the emptiness in his heart. He wasn't doing it for himself alone, he was doing it for them, because the last time he wore that suit and it made sense, he didn't need his cane. Mundy was there to help him, holding him close, and the pain in his knee was drowned by the love he felt for the handsome Australian.

Eventually, Lucien found a bench and sat down. Like a reflex, his hand went to his breast pocket and he opened his cigarette case. He used his silver lighter and a flame sprang up.

He stayed there, lazily watching people come and go, cars and buses passing by. He was used to the weird stares at his face wearing a mask. But somehow it felt different. He used to ignore them because he knew he was handsome. Lucien only had to look at how Mundy gazed at him to see his own beauty. And nothing would get to him, nothing at all.

That was all gone now.

Lucien lifted himself up from the bench and headed back home. He closed and locked his door. He didn't use to be the paranoid type and lock his door all the time, and he still wasn't. However, he needed to close the door, he needed to isolate himself from the rest of the world. The Earth had kept on spinning like a mad tip-top in space, but Lucien's life had stopped long ago.

He rested his cane next to his chair as he sat down, and raised his eyes to the clock. It was the evening now and if he had still been working for Mann Co., he would have been with Mundy in his smoking room. Now would have been the right moment for it…

Lucien put his gloved hands on the closed box containing the pastries and made it slide closer to him on the table. He removed his mask and carded his salt and pepper hair back with his fingers. Lucien gulped down hard as he slowly opened the box. Soon, he saw the two chocolate éclairs lying there and sighed. It was almost as if part of him expected to open the box and find Mundy there… Ridiculous…

A knock on the door interrupted his train of thought. He grumbled and frowned as he said:

"Allez-vous-en!"

[Go away!]

The knocks started again and it got on his nerves.

"J'ai dit: allez-vous-en! Allez vendre vos gadgets et vos balivernes à quelqu'un d'autre!"

[I said: go away! Go sell your gadgets and your lies to someone else!]

Silence fell for a second and Lucien sighed in relief… But the knocks started yet again.

"Grand Dieu…"

[Good Lord…]

Lucien pulled his leg out from underneath the table and grabbed his cane. He stood up and walked to the door, determined to scare whoever was disturbing him. He would have still got angry if it was another day but today was special, sacred. No one and nothing should and could disturb him.

The keys jingled as he unlocked the door and Lucien opened it aggressively.

"Mon Dieu, vous ne pouvez pas me - ?"

[My God, can't you leave me - ?]

Lucien's sentence broke and his knees went to jelly, he started collapsing and the man in front of him caught him just in time.

"Oh, careful, mate, eh… You used to stand better than that last time I saw you."

"N-non…"

Lucien found some strength to stand on his own and put his hand on the man's cheek. There was a beard now there, dark brown by the looks of it, but impeccably trimmed. Lucien realised that his glove was in the way, he bit it and pulled it away before putting his hand on the man's cheek again, just to make sure it wasn't his head playing tricks on him.

"It can't be…"

"Can we come in?"

"O-oui, of course."

Lucien shut the door and dragged his leg to sit on the sofa next to the man he would recognise anywhere.

"Is that you?" He asked when they were both sitting next to each other. His eyes darted on every square millimetre of the man's face in utter shock.

"Did I change that much? Alright, the beard... I kept the glasses and the hat though… But you haven't changed a bit. You even still wear the suit! Such a Spook you are…"

Lucien's breath cut short, his nose stinging all of a sudden and his eyes warmed up too fast to hold himself back. He burst out sobbing and pulled Mundy closer to himself, crying on his chest.

"Hey now…? It's alright, I'm here, it's ok…"

Mundy wrapped his arms around Lucien and held him close while he sobbed and sobbed relentlessly.

"I'm sorry, maybe I should have sent you a card, or called or somethin'. I just thought it'd be better to make it a surprise."

"I missed you… I missed you so much… I missed you so… much…"

Lucien tried to speak between two sobs. Mundy let his fingers slide through his lover's hair and pulled his head against him even more.

"I missed you too." He kissed his head. "I'm sorry to make you cry. I meant it to be a happy thing and now you're cryin'..."

Lucien pulled himself away from his lover's embrace and took a minute to calm himself down. He dried his tears and took a few deep breaths before looking up at the man he would have died to see again. He removed his other glove and cupped his face.

"It's really you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. Took me ages to find you, you slitherin' Spook, but I finally did a few weeks ago. And uh… I don't know if you remember but it would have been seven years today."

Lucien let his thumbs brush his lover's beard again.

"You think I would have forgotten? It is precisely why I dressed up like this!"

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, and wait!"

Lucien jumped on his left leg to stand up rapidly and awkwardly walked as fast as he could to the table. He closed the box that he had left there again, and came back to the sofa, almost collapsing on it.

"Hey, take it easy! Don't want the handsome rogue to bust his other knee eh?"

Lucien landed in Mundy's arms and chuckled. He handed him the white laminated cardboard box.

"What's that?" Mundy asked.

"It - it's for you and me."

"Well in that case, here's for you too."

Mundy handed him a plastic bag.

"But how did you buy somethin' for us, you didn't know I was coming?"

"I do it anyway. Every year I…" Lucien felt uncomfortable as he now realised how stupid and delusional it all was.

Mundy put his hand on Lucien's shoulder.

"Go ahead, tell me."

"It's… Ridiculous."

"Well, not half as ridiculous as falling for a bloke you'd never seen the face of, eh? Or never stopping to love him for years until you go mad and just bang your fist on the table, leave your work and everything for him?" Mundy chuckled and Lucien smiled. "It's only me mate, go on."

"Fine… Every year on this special day, I dress up as, well, as the Spy I was when I met you. I put the suit and tie on, even the mask, and I spend the entire day like that."

Mundy frowned.

"Why?"

"Because… Because it's the closest I could be to being with you for real. I also buy a similar box to the one you have in your hand. Open it, please."

Mundy delicately lifted the lid and his eyebrows arched high up, his lips pursing in the sweetest smile.

"You didn't forget about the lightnin' pastries, eh?" Mundy eyes went up to meet his lover's.

Lucien smiled.

"And you remember that éclair means lightning?"

"I can't really forget any French you taught me."

"And I can't forget your tastes in pastries."

They stared in each other's eyes for a while, just rediscovering their colours, their shapes and their shine.

"But Lu', go ahead and open yours."

Lucien's eyes snapped wide at the mention of his nickname. Mundy was the only one ever in his life to call him that.

"Y'alright?"

Lucien shook his head and cleared his throat.

"Oui, oui sorry, I uh, I shall open this." He put the box that was in the plastic bag on his lap and slowly opened it. When his eyes met with its content, he bit his lip to hold himself back from tearing up again.

"Yeah, I got the same thing too…" Mundy said. "I didn't think you'd buy some yerself. I thought that… Maybe you'd forgotten about it and uh, about me. Maybe you found someone else, you're as good-looking as when you left so…"

"Nonsense." Lucien answered. "Find someone else? Me? Non, of course not. You are the only person I want. I don't want anyone else, how could I? You are the only one I trust."

Mundy smiled and softened.

"And you? Are you with someone else?" Lucien asked.

"Nah. I did try, y'know, to get you out of my head… But you never really went away and I kept comparin' people to you. It never worked with anyone and in the end I just faced it: I love no one else but you. But we've got time to talk about this. First, we eat the lightnin' pastries before they flash away. I'll eat one from your box and you eat one from mine, ok?"

Lucien nodded and took one of the éclairs in his hand. They both raised their pastries and tipped them as if they were pints of beer.

"To us, luv'."

Lucien's eyes glistened.

"À nous…" He gulped down, his throat was dry, before he answered. "Mon amour."

[To us… My love…]

And they both bit in their éclairs at the same time, smiling into the soft pastry, the fresh chocolate cream meeting their tongues in the sweetest embrace.

Lucien could not believe that he was sitting here, on his sofa, with Mundy next to him eating their favourite sweet delicacy on the seventh year of their romantic adventure. Mundy couldn't help but lace his arm around Lucien and sit back, and Lucien used his lover's chest as a pillow.

"How I've missed all this…"

"Me too, luv', me too. It almost seems like a dream, or like we're doing something forbidden."

"Oui, it is true. I… You will mock me but I can hardly believe I am not hallucinating this whole situation."

"Yeah, same here." Mundy licked his fingers. "So, uh, what have you been up to?"

"Missing you." Lucien answered as he closed his eyes, his head rising and falling to the rhythm of Mundy's breath.

"Yeah, I meant apart from that. Anythin' new?"

"Hm…" Lucien tried thinking about anything remotely interesting but couldn't find anything. "Non, I'm afraid."

"You haven't picked up somethin' over all those years, like a hobby or something?"

"Non."

"You poor thing…" Mundy kissed his lover on his head again and Lucien clenched his fingers on his chest.

"What about you, mon amour?"

[My love]

"I uh… I'm a barber now."

"What?!" Lucien raised his head off his lover's chest. "Really?"

"Yeah, what do you think about my beard? I trimmed it myself. I had my hair cut by a friend though cause uh, well, you can't really do it on your own head. But yeah, what d'you think?"

Lucien's eyes devoured Mundy.

"I find you even more handsome than when I left. It makes you look older, and it is not a complaint at all, I like it very much." Lucien inspected the beard. "And that is some great job, I can hardly see any imperfections. Your beard is magnificent, it shines almost too much!"

"I put some oil to take care of it. If you ever want to grow one, I can help you, there's some good stuff out there to have it grow nice and shine bright."

Lucien's eyelids fluttered under the surprise.

"What? You don't want to grow a beard?" Mundy asked.

"That is besides the point, I'm, I'm just speechless… I remember when you used to mock me because I use a hand cream! And listen to you now, using oil to take care of your beard and such…!"

Mundy laughed and Lucien's heart woke up almost violently in his chest. It had been years that he hadn't heard that rough laughter, from that special hoarse voice.

"Speakin' of, gimme your hand."

Mundy took Lucien's hand and put it under his nose.

"You old man, you never change, do you? Still usin' the same vanilla hand cream, eh?"

Lucien chuckled.

"Oui, I am. You know me, I don't like to change my habits."

Mundy slid his fingers between Lucien's.

"Yeah."

Silence fell in the room. Lucien laid his head on Mundy's chest again and listened to his heartbeat right below his ear, while Mundy played with Lucien's hair. It was all back as it had been years before, only it wasn't in Mann Co. but in Paris.

"Mundy?"

"Yeah?"

Lucien opened his eyes and looked up. He only saw part of Mundy's masculine jaw from below.

"How long are you staying?"

"Well, I-I don't really know, luv'."

"Oh…"

Mundy heard the disappointment in Lucien's voice.

"It might be just a few days or longer."

"Why are you so unsure? Do you have obligations elsewhere?"

"Not really."

"Why then?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"On you." Mundy answered and Lucien's head jumped off his chest.

"What do you mean 'it depends on me'?"

"Well, d'you want me to stay?" Mundy asked with a smirk.

"Of course I do…! And you, do you want to stay?" Lucien asked back.

"I just want to be with you. Here, elsewhere, on the bloody Moon if that's what you want. I just want to have you next to me all the time. It was too hard without you, I don't want that ever again."

Lucien melted on his lover's chest hearing those words. He laid his head on it again.

"Neither do I. Please, Mundy…?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Stay with me." Lucien pleaded with his voice.

"Yeah, I will. But first, look up here, luv'."

Lucien did as he was told and saw the most beautiful lagoon blue eyes on his own. Mundy's hand slid from Lucien's hair to behind his neck and pulled him in closer. They rested their forehead against each other's.

"I love you, Lu'."

Lucien closed his eyes and bit his lip.

"Je t'aime aussi."

[I love you too.]

Mundy bent forward and his lips brushed past Lucien's, just grazing them. He didn't know if it was too much or maybe he was going too fast. But no, Lucien cupped Mundy's face and pulled it even more. Their lips met. After years of yearning, longing, craving. Finally, their lips met again.

Mundy felt Lucien's lips trembling. He opened his eyes and backed off slightly. Tears were silently streaming down Lucien's face, his eyes were red and slightly swollen.

"You poor thing, I'm never leaving you again."

"Please don't."

And those words were the last they exchanged on the sofa. More was said after Mundy stood up and carried Lucien in his arms. But those words shall remain in the secrecy of their room, under the duvet.

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #sniperspy

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himbowelsh · 4 years

Note

Valentines alphabet with Talbert or Nixon please!

valentines day alphabet ( accepting! )

A : AFFECTION. how does your muse show affection?

Tab is a cuddler. He likes to be close to people, to by physically intimate with them in a way that goes beyond sharing a space --- this boy runs on touch, and isn’t shy about it. He enjoys being touched, having his back clapped or his arm squeezed, as much as he enjoys giving it. In a romantic relationship, this goes beyond casual touches; Tab just likes having his partner near him, being able to pull them close and simply hold them, his chin on the crown of their head while they shift and breathe against him. He’s not very tactile with casual acquaintances, so if Tab touches someone frequently, it means he cares for them.

B : BOUQUET. does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

He has a special fondness for wildflowers, but you’re not gonna find those in any florist’s shop. When he’s in a sentimental mood, he might go out and pick a few to put into a bouquet... but Tab’s favorite way of appreciating the flowers is to bring his partner out to a field, where they can soak in their natural beauty.

C : CHOCOLATE. does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He’s not a big fan. Anything with nuts in it, he’ll eat gladly. Nutella is one of his favorite things in the world.

D : DATE. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Let’s go on a hike! Tab feels most at ease in nature, so he’d love to go on an afternoon hike up a familiar trail with a partner, chatting quietly until they reach his favorite ridge --- where they can watch the sun set over the horizon. He’s not unfamiliar with hiking in the dark, so he’d be comfortable heading back down... but if his partner prefers it, they can camp out for the night. Huddling in a tent with them in his arms, just talking softly and enjoying the quiet... hell, he’d love that.

E : EMBRACE. does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Once again --- he thrives on touch! He loves touch! His hugs are warm and affectionate, like a warm drink on a rainy day. Usually he’s on his best behavior, too... usually.

F : FLIRT. is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Oh, he’s an inconsummate flirt, and doesn’t even try to hide it. It’s like a reflex at this point. He’s drawn to pretty ladies like magnets, and they’re drawn to him right back. He’ll wink, he’ll tease, he’ll find excuses to get closer... usually, girls eat out of the palm of his hand. He’s not used to being rejected --- on the rare occasions it does happen, he goes a little shell-shocked, and has to sit in a corner to recoup for a few minutes.

G : GIFT. is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

Well, he definitely tries! Points for effort, at least, but Tab is a notorious regifter. If he doesn’t like something, he’ll store it away for a rainy day, and rocks up to Popeye’s birthday party with the poncho Auntie Marge gave him last Christmas. He tries to be smooth, but, like... buddy, everybody knows.

H : HEART. is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He’ll give the rest of him way quicker; Tab’s had plenty of affairs without much emotional intimacy involved, and frankly, he prefers it that way. Real relationships are daunting. Much as he wants one, the idea still scares him a bit. Tab has to be sure of himself before trusting his heart to someone else... and equally sure that they won’t break it.

I : I LOVE YOU. does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Tab has a dozen ways to say ‘I love you’ that don’t involve words at all. He’ll kiss, he’ll caress, he’ll tease, he’ll do the dishes and put them away without a second thought... honestly, actions speak louder than words with him. While he’ll say it after a while, his partner won’t be surprised --- because he’s already told them a hundred times before.

J : JEALOUSY. does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

It depends on how serious the relationship is, and how serious the situation. Tab’s not an overly-suspicious guy, and he’s not about to make something over nothing... but if his partner’s suddenly spending all their time with someone else, talking about them constantly, or if another person seems to be moving in on them, Tab won’t be pleased. He’s the sort of person to say so outright, believing the situation can best be resolved if everyone’s on the same page.

K : KISS. is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Do you even have to ask? He’s an astoundingly good kisser; not only does he know how to use his tongue, he recognizes the tentative dynamics of kissing, like a balanced scale which so easily tips one way or the other, and has learned to manipulate it. Not too much touch, just enough to leave his partner hungry for more... not too much tongue, otherwise it gets gross... let his teeth graze their lower lip just enough to make them moan, run a hand along the back of their neck just lightly enough so they shiver. Kissing’s a skill, just like playing the piano or learning to cook. Tab’s... had a lot of practice.

L : LOVE. who does your muse love?

Tab’s a funny sort of extrovert: he can thrive in a room full of people easily, enjoying the company of his friends and the opportunities to make new ones... but he never feels more at peace than when he’s outside, in nature and quiet. Honestly, Tab adores his family, adores his friends, adores animals, and would adore any partner he had... but nature will always have a special place in his heart. (Nature, and Captain Winters. Always.)

M : MOONLIGHT. is morning or night a more romantic setting?

Look, Tab can work with any hour of the day. He’s not picky. 3pm? 3am? He’s ready to go. Maybe he’s half-asleep, but he’s ready.

N : NAUGHTY. what is your muse like in bed?

If the human body were a piano, Tab’s Ludwig von Freakin’ Beethoven. Knows exactly what he’s doing with his hands at all times. Tab can work wonders with those hands; it’s hard for his partner to keep track of exactly where they are or what they’re doing, only that they need to be doing more of it. He can be quite sparing with touch during the act, preferring to make his embraces count. Knows all the best places to stimulate; the gasps and moans of his partner only urge him on, encouraging him to work harder at pleasing them. Can grind like nobody’s business, and is shockingly flexible; has tried most positions at least once, and will try them again. When it comes to kinks, he’s actually a bit shy about trying anything too extreme... but if his partner pitches it right, he’ll usually be willing to try. Not to mention the mouth --- Tab has a magic mouth, and puts it to work exactly as God intended.

O : ODE. does your muse have a way with words?

Not really. He tries, god help him --- he’s even tried his hand at writing poetry, not that he’s ever let anyone read it, because he knows how bad it is... but Tab is quite plainspoken. He says what he’s thinking. That said, he’s got a talent for making the bluntest compliments sound romantic when he tries.

P : PARTNER. what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Someone adventurous. Tab needs someone who’s willing to try new things, who can keep him on his toes at times. He wants someone he can laugh with, someone he can dance around the kitchen with... but also someone who appreciates the quiet beauty life has to offer. If they like being outside? All the better. They have to love animals, that’s non-negotiable. (Hopefully a dog person?) A great laugh, self-confidence... and a bit of passion.

Q : QUESTION. would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Look, he’ll absolutely do it. If he gets to the point where they’re both ready --- preferably after they’ve had a long conversation about it beforehand --- Tab will plan a cozy proposal outside, pick out a ring, find a serene spot and... go for it. But if his partner did it first, it would be a massive weight off his shoulders, and he’d honestly be relieved.

R : ROMANCE. is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He’s got a romantic streak so big that it chokes him sometimes. Really, he just wants to share all the things he loves with someone who can find as much joy in it as him... and he wants to get to know their world and everything they care about. He craves a deep connection with someone, beyond the physical intimacy of sex, but the idea intimidates him at the same time. Tab would absolutely spoil his partner with romantic surprises and gifts, just because he wants to make them feel appreciated and get to know them better. He wants to understand what kind of romance they want.

S : SWEETHEART. did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

He had his first kiss under a jungle gym when he was four. You do the math.

T : TRUE LOVE. does your muse believe in true love?

He... wants to. Very much. Isn’t sure he’s ever seen it before, and doubts it’s for everyone --- he’s kind of convinced it’ll never happen to him --- but it’s got to be real for some people.

U : UNREQUITED. has your muse had their heart broken?

He had a girlfriend in high school that he was crazy for, even hoped to marry one day. Little Floyd was popular with the girls, but he grew into an awkward phase that lasted throughout middle and most of high school; but Maryetta Stevens was the sweetest gal he’d ever known, and never judged him for his acne or his bitten nails. He was genuinely head-over-heels for her... but she was stolen away by the marching band captain, and that was the end of that. It took him months to recover.

V : VALENTINE. how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

He’s got a dozen things he’d prefer to be doing, but everybody wants to go on a date on Valentine’s day. If fighting their way through a crowded restaurant just to get a cozy table by the window is what his partner wants to do, Tab’s game for it.

W : WEDDING. would your muse get married? why / why not?

It’s something he’s given a lot of thought to --- and, while he’s not against it, it would definitely have to be with the right person. Tab’s not going to make that commitment until he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone; it’s not something he takes lightly.

X : XOXO. does your muse use / like pet names?

Not for his friends in general, but he’s got nicknames for all his siblings, would come up with great ones for his own kids... and a few sweet, intimate ones he uses exclusively for his partner. Those only come out when he’s in a gushy mood.

Y : YOURS. does your muse get protective easily?

... yeah. Abso-freaking-lutely. And he’s not gonna apologize for it either. If someone’s threatening someone he cares about, Tab’s not gonna hesitate to step in, and he’ll take whatever approach is necessary --- a suggestive word, or a firm fist. Tab doesn’t mess around when it comes to protecting the people he loves.

Z : ZZZ. how many people has your muse slept with?

He’s... he’s... he’s Tab, is the thing. He’s just... talented. A gift like that doesn’t come without a lot of people eager to unwrap the package. The boy... definitely gets around.

#floydtab #lowkey this is such a fun character development game too #floyd talbert #band of brothers #headcanons

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the-elusive-libbin · 4 years

Note

Hey, only if you want to, but how about hunger head canons for Reiner Braun or Bertholdt Hoover? And maybe because they’re titans, they’re specifically craving humans? Only if know them and want to.

Of course I know these two idiots! I have a minor crush on Reiner myself~ Though I am well and truly a Levi girl though haha. But yeah, you’ll be hard pressed to find a character that I haven’t at least heard of so don’t worry, if I know em, I’ll do my best to write for them. Also thank you for asking for hunger canons <3 Lemme see what I can whip up real quick for you:

******************************************

WARNING!: SPOILERS FOR ATTACK ON TITAN BELOW!!! AT LEAST UP TO WHERE THE ANIME IS NOW AT!!!

*******************************************

Bringing up the fact that these two soldiers are titan shifters, it stands to reason that the primal instinct of a titan can emerge within them from time to time. What primal instinct? Why the urge to devour humans of course! On rare occasions the pair will look at a human and just want to devour them, swallow them whole like a titan would. It is unknown whether all titan shifters get this urge but both of these boys definitely do. It comes on randomly; but the urge is always triggered when in the vicinity of a normal human. Often they’ll feel a sudden, burning feeling in their chests and their stomach’s suddenly feel very empty, even if they’ve just eaten. Their eyes widen and they both begin to feel these urges. if they are lucky it happens to them at different times so that they can help each other out of the situation. Each boy gets the same side effects, mouth watering and constant stomach groans, but each of the boys deal with these effects differently.

Reiner jokes about being starved as his stomach roars uncontrollably. He rubs the back of his head with a chuckle, a light blush and a soft grin. He’ll manage to stop his mouth from watering with sheer willpower until he’s excused himself and left the room. Then, when he’s alone and can no longer stop it, he’s gripping or punching his stomach rather painfully and clenching his teeth. He does not want his cover to be blown by his stupid stomach.

Bertholdt hears his stomach and so does everyone else in the room; his face flushes to the point where steam can be seen coming from his cheeks. He cannot stop the uncontrollable flood of water that comes from his mouth as he looks at the delicious morsels around him. He’s a soldier! He shouldn’t be embarrassed...but he is. This guy’ll just run out of the room in embarrassment (and also because he’s likely to swallow someone if he doesn’t.) When alone, he sits in a corner, knees to his chest, wishing the urges to stop.

************************************************************************************

Now let’s get into some specific hunger canons for each boi:

Reiner:

-You would think that being the most muscular member of the cadets would mean that Reiner would have the strongest stomach. This is actually incorrect. He ranks second in that category to Bertholdt.

-Reiner’s stomach is very vocal and will complain quite a lot of the time, even when he’s not hungry or feels pretty full. Often this man will just pat his gut with a smile and a blush and laugh it off when with the other cadets. “Hungry again huh?.”

-When his rations don’t fill the gaping hole in his gut, it will beg and plea for more rather annoyingly for a while afterwards. The soldier chooses to ignore these groans but occasionally will attempt to stop the sounds with a firm pat to the gut.

-The loudest rumbles come from him when he’s totally starved though and these ones are tremendously deep and guttural. Should someone have a hand against his belly, they would feel the powerful vibrations all the way past their wrists.

-Going anywhere near Reiner’s belly when he’s starved will cause a small blush to rise upon his face, physical contact and all that. I bet he’s never had anyone touch his bare stomach before to be honest. But as a soldier and a jock type, his blush wont last for too long.

-Whilst a cadet, Reiner had a ‘big brother’ personality and would often give up his rations for the other cadets such as Armin, even if his own stomach is much larger and needed the nutrients more.

-He’s a big guy with a lot of muscle to feed and being the armored titan definitely doesn’t help his body, he needs a lot of food to sustain him which leads to the offending organ being fairly loud.

-Being the armored titan gives Reiner an increased metabolism and so he finds himself getting hungrier than he used to. He finds that he’s become attuned to the feeling of hunger though. Being in the Marleyan army and then the Survey corpse for so many years has made it so that his body has been conditioned to get used to the gnawing hunger.

-Sometimes his stomach growls loudly without him realizing it because he’s that used to hearing the noise. Others often hear and point the sounds out first much to the soldier’s dismay.

Bertholdt:

-So Bertholdt while in the cadets comes across as this shy, nervous sweetheart...who just happens to be ranked number 1 cadet. Deep down I’d like to believe that his shy side wasn’t all just a big act and that he does fluster in social situations easily. I love that concept, that outside of Marleyan influence and being a soldier this guy is just a sweet, string bean.

-He has the loudest stomach of all of the cadets which really does embarrass him. He’s tall and has a fair bit of muscle + plus with training all the time and being the colossal titan, he does use a fair bit of energy.

-His stomach doesn’t growl for no reason, he has to be pretty famished for his belly to start roaring, but when he’s running on empty and it does growl, everyone in the vicinity will hear it.

-He’s totally embarrassed by the noises his stomach makes and will flush bright red should it moan as it usually does this without warning. Steam can often be seen rising from his face when he’s flustered...I swear this has nothing to do with the colossal titan’s steam......

-When he feels his belly welling up inside like it’ll make a noise suddenly, Bertholdt will tighten his stomach muscles and wrap his arms around his empty belly, gulping thickly and willing the feeling to go away. He’d rather try and stop those sounds if he can.

-Being the colossal titan is hard for Bertholdt, it takes all of his energy even when not in that form and his belly empties so easily leaving him always pretty hungry, luckily his stomach only rumbles when it has to; when it knows it needs to be fed soon.

-Sometimes at night his stomach keeps the other boys in his dorm awake and he stays awake, lay tight in a ball, under the sheets, his grip tightening around his gut. If this doesn’t stop the noises, he’ll apologize profusely and go off to fill his empty stomach with water. This usually helps to quell the beast inside.

-He’s a tummy talker~ But only when he’s alone in his room, should anyone catch him he’ll feel humiliated.

-When rations aren’t enough to fill the void in his gut, he’ll sigh and look longingly at the packet, placing a hand atop his belly as it rumbles underneath.

-Offering this boy more food will make his day but also set his gut off so beware~ His eyes go wide and his face flushes at this.

-Touch his stomach and he’ll either get up and walk away from the embarrassment or grab your hand as quick as lightning to move it away. Oops~ Tuned reflexes and all that. ****************************************

Oh no X’D I got carried away again and made it longer than intended haha. Well I hope this answers your question and satisfies you Anon~ :P

#A/ttack on titan #asks #stomach growl #hunger #bellykink #bellycanons #implied vore cravings

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wordssometimesfail · 5 years

Text

Textual Reddie & Queer!Eddie: A Masterpost

So I’ve been planning on doing something like this for a while, but it had fallen to the wayside until @skinks and I started talking about Reddie again, and my weak little heart was rekindled.

Speaking of reKINDLEd (ehh? Ehhhhh?), my Kindle copy of IT is full of highlighted textual support of unresolved Reddie feelings, and a queer reading of Eddie specifically. And lo, a disjointed essay-type meta was birthed. This fucker’s about to get long, so if you’re interested, dive on under the cut – but be forewarned, there are massive spoilers for the book and (probably) Chapter 2 below!

(Seriously, cannot emphasize the MASSIVE SPOILERS enough. If you don’t know what happens and you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read this.)

As a very general disclaimer, I am not going to be including everything that I highlighted. There is a fuckton, including a lot of small moments of Richie and Eddie interacting that don’t showcase anything other than their closeness. I’ll be paring it down here to moments that prove a larger theme, and some standout cuteness. With that said, IT is a 1,300-page behemoth, and it’s definitely possible that I skipped over something. If you know of anything significant that I missed, feel free to reblog with additions.

Note: I will be using terrible, half-assed MLA citations for this. Pagination is from my Kindle copy of the novel. All quotes will be italicized to help differentiate them visually from my points (if something was italicized in the original text, it’ll be unitalicized here). Unless otherwise stated, all bolded emphasis is mine. “--” will be used in place of em-dashes, “/” will be used to denote paragraph breaks.

PART I – ASTHMA

“When Eddie’s nervous he reaches for his aspirator.” (King 372)

It doesn’t get much more explicit than this. We’re told in no uncertain terms that Eddie’s psychosomatic asthma is rooted in nervousness, in things that make him scared and uncomfortable. The trigger for this particular explanation is being overwhelmed by the age and significance of Boston, but in an earlier scene:

“These shoes no longer looked just right... but he supposed they would do for where he was going. And for whatever he might have to do when he got there. Maybe Richie Tozier would-- / But then the blackness threatened and he felt his throat beginning to close up.” (King 112)

This is Eddie’s first on-page asthma attack. It hits him the first time we see him as an adult, having just received his call from Mike to return to Derry. And yet it’s the thought of Richie, not It or Derry, that makes Eddie nervous enough to need his aspirator. Notably, the thought goes unfinished. We don’t know, nor do we ever find out in explicit terms, what Eddie thought Richie Tozier would.

Of course, asthma is the most prominent symptom of Eddie’s hypochondria, so the attacks crop up often in the text. The most interesting of these attacks for our purposes (other than Eddie becoming nervous at the thought of Richie) is the following:

“‘The first of the ‘new murders’ [...] began on the Main Street Bridge and ended underneath it. The victim was a gay and rather childlike man named Adrian Mellon. He had a bad case of asthma.’ / Eddie’s hand stole out and touched the side of his aspirator.” (King 646)

Mike (speaking) tells the gang about the death of Adrian Mellon, and takes care to note three things about him: he was gay, he was childlike, and he had asthma. The connection between Eddie and Adrian is drawn quickly and obviously as Eddie reaches for his aspirator, seemingly out of reflex - but what we can also infer here is that this is making Eddie nervous. He could be nervous because a man with asthma was just killed by It, and he, too, is a man with asthma. He could also be nervous because the parallel that Mike and the prose have none-too-subtly drawn between Eddie and Adrian implies that they have more in common than a respiratory problem. But what?

PART II – EDDIE/ADRIAN

“[The other Losers] are being called--I know that much. Each murder in this new cycle has been a call.” (King 1116)

Mike writes this in the fourth interlude, referring to the way that It’s murders 27 years later all seem to be calling out to the Losers’ Club. By drawing a parallel between Eddie and Adrian through their asthma, King leads us to believe that Adrian’s murder specifically called to Eddie. He also leads us to consider how else they might be linked.

Adrian is virtually Eddie’s opposite. He’s out and proud and in a loving, unstrained relationship. He flirts openly with other men, teases his aggressors, and, to contrast with the neurotic and nervous Eddie:

“‘He didn’t have much in the way of protective coloration. He was one of those fools who think things really are going to turn out all right.’” (King 27)

His openness, however, is what gets him killed. While being harassed by some homophobes, Adrian teases and antagonizes them, and the next time they see him they assault him and unwittingly gift him, half-dead, to Pennywise.

It especially kills me that Adrian’s asthma is not significantly mentioned in his chapter. He makes a comment to his boyfriend that the “air’s better” (King 36) in Derry, which could imply that he has had less problems since he moved there, but the word “asthma” is never used. It’s not relevant to his story, and it’s not brought up until King has to draw a parallel between Adrian and Eddie. Because it’s not relevant to Adrian’s story, the connection that King draws between them feels almost half-assed and weak, until one considers their contrasting personalities and contrasting happinesses in their respective relationships. Along that same line of thinking, the implications of having Eddie directly paralleled by a gay man killed for being gay cast a suspicious light on Eddie’s presumed straightness.

If we accept that Eddie and Adrian are linked, that Adrian’s murder was a specific call to Eddie, then it goes without saying that there is a strong implication here that Eddie is closeted. He is being contrasted with an out gay man who fears no consequence for being out in a small, violent, hateful town. Eddie’s neuroses and fixation on his psychosomatic asthma are contrasted with a man who hadn’t a care in the world - not even his (presumably) real physical condition. The fear and self-hate that dogged Eddie his whole life never bothered Adrian Mellon, until it killed him.

If we accept that Eddie and Adrian are linked, and what that implies, then we can infer that Adrian is what Eddie could have been, were he happy, open, and out - and what happens to Adrian is the exact kind of thing that may have kept poor, terrified Eddie in the closet.

PART III – SEX, QUEERNESS, AND SELF-LOATHING

So, I think we all remember the leper scene--creepy in the 2017 movie, even creepier in the novel. One notable book-only detail is that the leper “[offers] to give Eddie a blowjob for a quarter” (King 400) in addition to chasing him around and being generally disgusting.

“Come back here, kid, the hoarse voice whispered. I’ll blow you for free. Come back here! / No, Eddie moaned at it. Please, go away, I don’t want to think about that.” (King 394)

Eddie is immediately terrified by the mere thought of getting a blowjob, of being touched by someone diseased, of being touched by a man. He doesn’t even want to think about it... and then the question becomes, does he not want to think about sex with the leper, or sex at all? Regardless, it seems pretty normal for an eleven-year-old boy to be scared of a blowjob from a strange adult with open sores on his face. But there is, of course, more to unpack here.

Another difference between book and film comes when Eddie recounts the tale to Richie and Bill...:

“‘He didn’t have leprosy, you dummy,’ Richie said. “He had [syphilis].’ / […] / ‘It’s a disease you get from fucking,’ Richie said. ‘You know about fucking, don’t you, Eds?’ / ‘Sure,’ Eddie said. He hoped he wasn’t blushing.” (King 400)

All of a sudden Eddie isn’t just afraid of disease, but of a sexually transmitted disease. Pennywise’s angle on Eddie is a big fuck-off combo of decay and sex--specifically gay sex. Not only is the “leper” a man offering him sexual favours, but Bill is quick to point out that men can get syphilis from “another g-g-guy if they’re kwuh-kwuh-queer" (King 402). Queerness and gay sex are therefore lumped in with Eddie’s fear of the “leper” from word go.

Since he’s a pre-pubescent child (in that same scene, Eddie recalls trying to masturbate and nothing happening), Eddie’s disinterest in and general apprehension towards sex makes sense without bringing the element of internalized homophobia into the mix. But this is my post, I can do what I want, and Stephen King already brought it into the mix for me.

Eddie is frightened by the thought of queer sex at another notable point in the novel as well, when he recalls a vignette from his and the Losers’ past:

“Patrick Hockstetter was down [in the Barrens]. Before It took him Beverly saw him doing something bad. It made her laugh but she knew it was bad. Something to do with Henry Bowers, wasn’t it? Yes, I think so. And-- / [Eddie] turned away suddenly and started back toward the abandoned depot, not wanting to look down into the Barrens anymore, not liking the thoughts they conjured up. He wanted to be home with Myra.” (King 720)

Myra, for those who haven’t read the novel, is Eddie’s wife. If you’re one of those people (or even if you haven’t read it in a while), you might also be wondering what exactly Patrick Hockstetter did to Henry Bowers in the Barrens that made Eddie balk and suddenly crave his wife’s company. Well, my friends, Patrick tried to give Henry Bowers a blowjob. Eddie has to turn away from the mere thought of two men (well, boys) engaging in a sex act. He has to return to his wife, the implication here being that she is there to shield him from queerness, from queer sex.

And the scene between Patrick and Henry, which we do see later from Bev’s point of view, is extremely telling as to why Eddie has to turn away. Henry gets violent and angry when Patrick propositions him, just like Adrian Mellon’s assailants got violent and angry, just like Eddie’s own mother gets defensive and cruel at the thought of a pair of (unconfirmed) gay men in their town with a nicer house than hers:

“‘Any two men who bother keeping a house so nice must be queers,’ Eddie’s mother had once said in a disgruntled sort of way, and Eddie hadn’t dared ask for clarification.” (King 712)

Eddie here is afraid to even question the root of his mother’s assumptions, or the very fact of her prejudice. Questioning, experimentation, being openly anything other than straight in Derry only earns you bile and violence from the rest of the town, and Eddie knows this. Why would anyone come out? How could they? Isn’t it better to just turn away and leave the thought unfinished?

And it is explicit that Eddie feels somehow wrong and incomplete, in addition to his general aversion to all things queer and sexual. At one point, compounding himself and the homeless “leper”, Eddie has an internal monologue that ends as follows:

“I got me a disease that’s eating me up. My skin’s cracking open, my teeth are falling out, and you know what? I can feel myself turning bad like an apple that’s going soft. I can feel it happening, eating from the inside to the out, eating, eating, eating me.” (King 405)

By conflating himself with the “leper”, Eddie makes the disease his own. He makes his fear of the “leper” falling apart a fear he has about himself. He fears something within himself, something rotten, turning him “bad” - bad like offering a blowjob to Henry Bowers in the Barrens. It’s a literal fear of disease, to be sure, but that sense of being rotten to the core, being bad on the inside in a way you cannot change, also feels like an apt metaphor for internalized homophobia in light of the subtextual queerness of the rest of Eddie’s fear. And especially in light of another scene in which he feels inferior, rotten, wrong:

“Simply reaching for the cubes of bread [at communion] became an act which required courage, and he always feared an electrical shock... or worse, that the bread would suddenly change color in his hand, become a blood-clot, and a disembodied Voice would begin to thunder in the church: Not worthy! Not worthy! Damned to Hell! Damned to Hell!” (King 1247)

We will absolutely come back to the fact that Eddie uses Voice with a capital V, but for now let’s focus on the rest of the scene. Eddie’s fear of being damned and unworthy is rooted in a story his Sunday School teacher told him, about a boy who blasphemed. Even as a small child, he has anxiety about his existence or behaviour cursing him – making him diseased, or turning bread into blood. And, of course, for the purposes of this reading, we can’t ignore the fact that queerness and American Christianity don’t typically go hand-in-hand. This compounded with the suggestion that he is rotten from the inside out suggests that Eddie has some reason to think he has blasphemed – and his persistent association with queerness suggests that this reason may be the knowledge or suspicion that he isn’t straight.

Eddie’s worries even follow him into adulthood:

“Get off it, Eds, Richie’s voice seemed to whisper. You ain’t solid at all […].” (King 715)

I included this quote because it reinforces my point about Eddie not feeling whole or right within himself. It’s not quite time for the Reddie part of this meta, but I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that Richie is nowhere in this scene and has absolutely nothing to do with it, and still it’s his voice that voices Eddie’s subconscious fears about not being “solid”. Again, I will be going into this in more detail later. First, there’s one more element of this queer reading of Eddie that needs to be tackled.

PART IV – THIS ONE QUOTE GETS TO BE ITS OWN PART BECAUSE MY GOD

Most of you are probably familiar with Anthony Perkins, even if you don’t know you are – if you’ve ever been exposed to Psycho, either by watching it or through pop-cultural osmosis, you'll know him as Norman Bates. You also may or may not know that he was famously closeted. He reportedly only had relationships with men until he met and married Berinthia Berenson in his early 40s, and never came out during his lifetime. (Obviously one’s sexual history doesn’t necessarily determine one’s sexuality, but most sources I can find suggest that he was gay, not bisexual.)

Now, if you read Eddie Kaspbrak as gay, this may sound somewhat familiar. Married a woman, never came out, horror icon, it’s all there. But why do I bring it up? Well, because of this:

“Eddie--it was weird but true--had grown up to look quite a little bit like Anthony Perkins.” (King 628)

On its own, it’s a seemingly innocuous, if oddly specific, pop-cultural reference. Nothing to write home about. Compounded with everything else we know about Eddie, and everything else I’ve covered above? It’s telling as balls. King could have simply described Eddie, as he does immediately after this line, but he takes the time to compare a character repeatedly associated with queerness and sexual repression to a closeted gay man who eventually married a woman.

(Note: admittedly, IT would’ve been written in the early-mid 80s, at which point Perkins was not officially known to be gay, but according to my father there were plenty of rumours. He was, additionally, known as a repressed, shy “mama’s boy” who was made nervous by female attention. Sound like anyone else we know?)

PART V – REDDIE

And now for the main event.

If I unpack every individual piece of Reddie goodness to the degree that I’ve unpacked Eddie himself, we’ll be here for another 2,500 words. So, I’m only going to hit three major points:

PART VA – CLOSENESS

Richie is all over Eddie. He frequently pinches Eddie’s cheeks, calls him cute, and is all-around physically and verbally affectionate with him. Some notable examples:

“Richie […] pinched Eddie’s cheek. / ‘Don’t do that! I hate it when you do that, Richie.’ / ‘Ah, you love it, Eds,’ Richie said, and beamed at him.” (King 384-85)

This is their first on-page interaction, mind you. This moment sets the stage for the rest of their relationship.

“Richie jumped to his feet a second time and pinched Eddie’s cheek. ‘Cute, cute, cute!’ Richie exclaimed.” (King 390)

“‘[My aunts] all pinch my cheek and tell me how much I’ve grown,’ Eddie said. / ‘That’s cause they know how cute you are, Eds--just like me. I saw what a cutie you were the first time I met you.’” (King 446-47)

Listen. Do you think I’ll ever get over this? Do you think I can move on, knowing that this exists? Richie teases everyone, but he only ever uses “cute” for Eddie.

“‘Take it easy, Eds,’ Richie soothed, and leaned toward him. / ‘Don’t call me Eds and don’t you dare pinch my cheek!’ [Eddie] cried, rounding on Richie. ‘You know I hate that! I always hated it!’ / Richie recoiled, blinking.” (King 668)

This scene takes place when they’re adults, and I love it for a number of reasons – the easy return to form for both of them, Richie genuinely trying to comfort Eddie, and Richie’s surprise at being snapped at. My heart goes out to the man.

“‘I hate it when you call me Eds.’ / ‘I know,’ Richie said, hugging him tightly, ‘but somebody has to toughen you up, Eds. When you stop leading the sheltered igs-zistence of a child and grow up, you gonna, Ah say, Ah say you gonna find out life ain’t always this easy, boy!’ / Eddie began to shriek with laughter.” (King 1334)

There are quite a few scenes where they make each other laugh, but this one is my personal favourite.

And the cherry on top:

“[Richie] slapped Eddie’s can.” (King 1322)

The context of this is less than shippy (they’re squeezing through a tight passageway, Richie is behind Eddie and needs him to move forward), but there are few ships that can say that party A has canonically smacked party B’s ass, and I think we should appreciate that more as a fandom.

There’s also a strong element of protectiveness – Richie is very protective of Eddie in a way that Eddie’s mother isn’t. He genuinely pays attention to Eddie’s needs and tries to do right by him:

“It was Richie and Bev who went to Eddie. […] Richie dug his aspirator out of his pocket. ‘Bite on this, Eddie,’ he said, and Eddie took a hitching, gasping breath as Richie pulled the trigger.” (King 903)

“Richie heard Eddie cough twice […] and then fall silent again. He shouldn’t be down here, he thought […].” (King 968)

“...Eddie [agreed to follow Bill into the sewers] last. / ‘I don’t think so, Eddie,’ Richie said. ‘Your arm’s not, you know, looking too cool.’” (King 1251)

“Richie turned Bill toward him, looked at him as you would look at a man who is hopelessly raving. ‘Bill, we have to take care of Eddie. We have to get a tourniquet on him, get him out of here.’” (King 1396)

Hey fun fact? Fun fucking fact, Eddie’s already dead in this scene and Richie knows that.

On a cheerier note, and to add one last dimension to Eddie and Richie’s closeness, Richie is the only person with whom we see Eddie intentionally swapping spit/germs (outside of ritualistic bloodletting). Not only does Richie use Eddie’s aspirator at one point, but there’s also this scene:

“‘I can carry [the Parcheesi board],’ Eddie said, a little out of breath. ‘How about a lick on your Rocket?’ / ‘Your mom wouldn’t approve, Eddie,’ Richie said sadly. […] ‘[…] Ah say you kin get germs eatin after someone else!’ / ‘I’ll chance it,’ Eddie said. / Reluctantly, Richie held his Rocket up to Eddie’s mouth... and snatched it away quickly as soon as Eddie had gotten in a couple of moderately serious licks.” (King 1243)

The obvious humour of this scene aside (poor Richie, having to share), the fact that hypochondriac Mama’s boy Eddie doesn’t mind Richie’s germs in particular is both sweet and interesting. The imagery here, of Eddie licking Richie’s Rocket despite his mother’s disapproval (compounded with the pre-established association between Eddie and blowjobs) is just... interesting, to say the least. As is the fact that I totally stole this scene and reversed the roles for the sake of a fic that I would like to pimp as a reward for making it this far into this monstrosity. It has a happy ending, don’t worry.

What does all of this put together signify? Richie and Eddie are close. They clearly love each other as friends, and the almost flirtatious touching, cute-calling, teasing, protectiveness, and Rocket-licking can also all signify the beginnings of something else as well. If nothing else, it’s fun, sweet fic fodder.

PART VB – THE VOICE (WITH A CAPITAL V)

This is one of my favourite details. Eddie thinks of all the Losers from time to time, but Richie is straight-up one of the voices in his head. Richie refers to his impressions and characters as Voices with a capital V, and Very often, Eddie will think in them. He’ll hear jokes in them, Pennywise will taunt him with them, he’ll hear the very criticism and hate that he fears hurled back at him in Voices. Right from the start:

“‘Had any good chucks lately, Eds?’ [Eddie] says out loud, and laughs again.” (King 374)

As he drives to Derry, Eddie is already laughing and delighting in the thought of his friends (specifically Bill and Richie) and the way they used to be. Later in the same scene:

“‘Sure, kid, EV-ery day,’ he says in a Richie Tozier Voice, and laughs again.” (King 376)

King quickly establishes that Richie’s Voices are a source of joy for Eddie, and that Richie himself is one of the Losers that Eddie is most looking forward to seeing. Indeed, in several scenes (including one of the ones quoted above), we see Eddie laughing at or with Richie when he does his Voices, both in the present and the past. But Eddie’s love of the Voices gets twisted by his own subconscious fears – I mentioned earlier that it is a Voice with a capital V that tells Eddie that he’s damned to Hell during his imaginary blood-communion. And it’s Richie’s voice that reminds Eddie that he’s not “solid”, to cap off a scene where he literally runs away from thoughts of queerness and sex. Eddie’s fear of himself becomes conflated with the Voices in a way that suggests his fear is of Richie, of Richie’s hatred, contempt, and dismissal. He is afraid that Richie sees him as unworthy, damned, unsolid. He is afraid that Richie sees the thing that’s eating him from the inside out.

Eddie wants to be home with Myra. It’s easier to keep Richie and his Voices in his head than to risk what they would (--) do if they saw all of Eddie clearly.

PART VC – EDS & EDDIE’S DEATH

Yes, we all know and love “Eds”. We love Richie being a little shit, we love Eddie being his tsundere self, and we love that Eddie canonically has a soft spot for the nickname:

“Man, he had hated it when Richie called him Eds... but he had sort of liked it, too.” (King 374)

We also love (or hate) that “Eds” factors into Eddie and Richie’s final exchange in the novel:

“But there was something else [Eddie] had to say [before he died]. / ‘Richie,’ he whispered. / ‘What?’ Richie was down on his hands and knees, staring at him desperately. / ‘Don’t call me Eds,’ he said, and smiled. He raised his left hand slowly and touched Richie’s cheek. Richie was crying. ‘You know I... I...’ Eddie closed his eyes, thinking how to finish, and while he was still thinking it over he died.” (King 1386)

(A.k.a. the scene that nearly made me throw my Kindle across the room.)

This ties into a broader theme with Eddie that I only began noticing when I started compiling my notes for this meta – his thoughts, when connected to other men, queerness, or sex, often go unfinished. He cuts them off before they stray somewhere that makes him nervous (the thought of Richie giving him an asthma attack), before they stray anywhere at all (the memory of Patrick and Henry making him yearn for Myra, not wanting to think about blowjobs), or before they even become thoughts (not daring to question his mother’s homophobic comments). And here, when he has to say one thing before he dies, when he’s finally allowing himself to conclude a sentimental, intimate thought that he doesn’t even know how to word... he’s cut off one last time.

And we don’t know what he was going to say. We can speculate, we can infer, but we don’t know, just as we will never know what “Richie Tozier would”.

Richie Tozier seems to know, though. When he realizes they’ll have to leave Eddie’s body behind, he kisses Eddie’s cheek (just as Eddie touched his in his final moments, and in contrast to the way he used to pinch them) and...:

“Richie got up and turned toward the door. ‘Fuck you, Bitch!’ he cried suddenly, and kicked the door shut with his foot. It made a solid chukking sound as it closed and latched. / ‘Why’d you do that?’ Beverly asked. / ‘I don’t know,’ Richie said, but he knew well enough.” (King 1427)

Richie’s shutting the door on Pennywise and the sewers and the whole horrible tragedy of it all, yes. But he’s also furious with the grief of losing Eddie, and shutting the door that will now forever separate Eddie’s final resting place from the hole where he died. Bev’s question allows Richie to do just what Eddie did, too – keep it quiet, cut it off, not acknowledge what he’s avoiding or what he’s just lost. Still, he knows well enough.

PART VI – CONCLUSION

I don’t know for sure that King intended for Eddie to be closeted, but I think he did. He’s gone on the record that he believes in leaving stuff like this for the reader to figure out. There are a lot of scenes, a lot of small moments, that suggest that Eddie is gay, and while many of them make sense without that reading, the entirety of the picture they paint does not. I’m partial to Reddie, and as I’ve demonstrated above, I believe there is a lot of textual evidence to support the theory that they had feelings for each other. Eddie’s death alone, and the fact that the last thing he had to say needed to be addressed to Richie while Eddie held his face in his hands, is... a LOT. But I’ll be honest – my loyalty is to queer!Eddie on its own.

If Eddie Kaspbrak is gay, then his story is ten times more heartbreaking. It’s a story of fear, not just of the supernatural but of the very real hatred and pain he would have faced being openly gay in Derry. It’s a story of fearing that something inside of him was rotten and sick and sinful, and that one of his closest friends in the world thought so too. It’s a story of self-loathing. And it’s a story without an end, because Eddie could never let himself think of how to finish admitting what he needed to admit to himself. The truth was lost in asthma attacks, in Myra, in death. In that sense, it’s fitting that King never explicitly stated that Eddie was gay, if that was indeed his intent – it's one more thing we’ll never know for sure, because Eddie couldn’t bring himself to tell us.

THAT BEING SAID. My loyalty is to queer!Eddie. Which means that my loyalty is to making this shit better, exploring and dissecting the hell out of it, and fixing it. Give Eddie Kaspbrak the ending he deserved! Let him finish his thoughts! Take these quotes, draw inspiration from them, and let’s all cling to each other in preparation for Chapter 2.

#it stephen king #stephen king's it #reddie #eddie kaspbrak #gay eddie kaspbrak #it meta #reddie meta #Aaliya writes #I have been working on this... for a long time #please tell me what you think and what I've missed #unless what you think is that eddie isn't gay because why are you here then #why did you read this #who are you

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bucket-girl · 5 years

Text

Chapter 2-1 Personal Info logs

In chapter 2, it’s possible to buy the personal info of Nao, Reko, Gin and Q-Taro with tokens, but it’s easy to miss. Reloading saves and redoing minigames is a hassle so I wrote them down for convenience. Most of them are in the form of conversing with AIs, I’ve put Sara’s lines in italics. Text under cut.

Gin > History ...History? What should I talk about, woof? "Hm... Just an introduction would make me happy." Gin Ibushi from Heiwa Elementary Class 6-3! I'm 12 years old, meow! I take care of the animals, meow!! "Is school fun for you?" Hmm... It's not that fun 'cause of some guys I don't like, meow. But it's fun to meet friends, woof! We play games together, meooow! "Do you wear that outfit to school, too?" Nah, because people get mad. It's only when I'm at home, woof! ...It's kinda easier to talk when I wear this, meow. But I can't wear it to school, so I get uneasy, woof. So people at school tell me I'm obedient, woof! But that's wrong... meow... My aspirations are to live with animals all the time, meow! "Heehee... What kinds of animals?" I'm way into gators right now, meow! They're cute, wooooof!

> Physical Info I'm 138 centimeters and 35.5 kilograms, meow! That's 4 foot 6 inches and 78 pounds, woof! And I grew 2 centimeters at my last checkup, meow! "Your growth spurt and voice change must be coming up soon." Obviously, meow! I'm gonna be bigger than you, big sis Sara! "Ahaha, I'm sure you'll look really cool. I've got high hopes for you." Yeah! I'll sweep you off your feet, meow! Be grateful, woof! "Okay, let's make it a promise." Got it, meow! A promise for when I outgrow you, woof!

> Relatives My family's a double-income household, meow! I don't have siblings, so... It's lonely when I'm there by myself, meow... My mom's super nice even when she's exhausted, woof. No matter how late she gets home, she always makes dinner... And no matter how much I tell her not to overwork herself... "Do you like your mom?" I love her, meow! I'm worried how she's even busier lately, woof... "What about your dad?" I don't like some things... but I like him, meow. But I super hate when he's a drunkard who causes trouble, meow! It's embarrassing, woof! And he's always getting yelled at by mom and apologizing, so it's like he's got no dignity, woof. I don't wanna be that kind of pathetic grown-up, meooow! ...But I'm sure I won't, meow. 'Cause I'm not blood-related to dad, woof. "Huh...?" I heard he married mom when I was 2, meow! So that genetics stuff won't make me turn out like him, woof! "Is that so...?" Well, it's not like I hate dad, woof. It's true, meow!

> Death Game info I dunno, meow... It's scary, woof... What's dying feel like, meow...? "I... don't know either." I don't wanna never meet mom and dad again, meow... Big sis Sara... are you scared too, meow? "...Yeah, I am." "...Really scared..." .......... I'll definitely protect you, meow! Come see me anytime, woof! "Heehee... Thanks..."

> What he holds dear What I hold dear...? That's hard, meowww. Hm... It's gotta be mom and dad, meow! I'd be sad if they went away, woof! Ah! And the Mew-chan cushion I'm always with! They're super precious to me, meow! We're always together, so I forgot, meow! Sorry, Mew-chaaan! Woof... "Mew-chan is family to you too, huh?" That's right, meow! I got seriously mad when dad was gonna throw them away, meow! Unforgivable, woof! Get me a new one?! No way, meow!! You're a dummy, woof! I'm getting furious just remembering, woof! Mom should yell at him again, meowww!

Q-Taro > History I was raised up in an orphanage that's just a mite bit weird. Had people from all sortsa countries. I got a lotta dialects and stuff mixed in me... 'Course, they sent me to compulsory education up 'til high school. Can't thank the place enough. An' now, I'm a pro baseball player. ...Kiddos at the orphanage root for me, too. I wanna hurry up and show 'em... That even guys in situations like ours can get on a mound and have the stadium roarin'... Well, point is, I got no history yet. I'm about to be makin' some radiant records! Better get yer autographs early, Sara!

> Physical Info 6 foot 4 inches! 230 pounds! And lemme tell ya, it's all muscle, not fat! My position's pitcher, but I got confidence in my batting, base-running, and fielding! But my greatest weapon's my head. Gotta be smart to be a first-class athlete. "Is that how it is?" 'Course, I'm reflecting on the time I tore apart those puzzle rings by force, but...

> Relatives .......... "Is it hard to discuss?" Nah... there's just nothing to discuss. 'Cause I've never seen my birth parents' faces. Only place I knew was the orphanage. That's why... the people there were my moms and dads. Doesn't matter our blood relation. But, well... I do get thinkin' sometimes. What kinda people was I born to, and what kinda genetics do I got...? I started baseball jus' for fun, but... I've thought how if I pitch as a first-string pro... maybe my birth parents'll be watchin'. "...Do you want to meet them?" If we could talk and laugh it up, that'd be the best. All at ease, like "I'm havin' a great life"...

> Death Game info Huh, you're doin' this Death Game, right...? Knowin' me, I doubt I got even the slightest notion of dyin'. Hell, to a second-stringer, baseball's a Death Game with my life as a player on the line! But to do some self-analysis... I wonder if maybe I'll try an' win within the rules of the game... In the saga of a sports player, ya tend to forget about breakin' the rules. Maybe somebody like you, young and not knowin' fear, is more suited to findin' a path to survival. "...Is that so..." ...Sorry to make it sound like it ain't my business. I mean look, I'm an AI, y'know?

> What he holds dear Hold dear, huh... The caretakers at the orphanage, the kiddos... Of course, baseball, and... Myself... probably. I ain't gonna sugarcoat it. I don't wanna die, and I don't want the people I like to die. So I don't like to kick people... But if I gotta, I got the resolve. But I hate the kinda asshole who's got that as their first thought! ...Sorry for gettin' all fired up. Shouldn't have said that all cocky-like when you're involved in it... Don't you mind me.

Reko > History Err... I'mma super cool, 23-year-old singer-songwriter... Something like that? I've liked music since I was a kid. Classical, folk, heavy metal... I listened to all of it. Think around grade school, I found myself starting to compose and write lyrics. My instincts moved my body. That was a fun time... People praised me, and my parents were just plain happy... Once they started calling me a gifted kid... Then there started being more noise. Old bastards in the music industry wanting money... My pops craving the limelight... Before I knew it, I was making music that my heart wasn't in. In middle school, I rebelled. I was a rocker! I made tons of songs nobody even wanted! But even then, noise swarmed around me. Man, even my spirit had to give in. From high school on, all the spice was gone... Didn't even have anger... My activity dried up. I had tons of chances to be famous. But I smashed 'em all. I was totally just the industry's problem child. Everybody kept their distance from me. Once I couldn't even gather members, I borrowed Alice to make a band... Hahaha. Then two and a half years ago... He caused that incident... ... Well, at any rate, I am who I am now 'cause of that shitty past. Learn something from that, Sara?

> Physical Info 5 foot 7, 121 pounds. Pretty proud of my reflexes! And I can remember choreography in a snap, so... My memory's bangin'! Well... I'm not great at baseball and stuff... Hell, maybe I'm not great at anything that's got nothing to do with music. "By the way, what are your measurements?" N-No reason to tell you that, right?

> Relatives Family... Well, uh... ...I like my mom. Though she's a little weird. She's affectionate... and I cause her lots of trouble. Yeah, I gotta show my appreciation more. My old man... Well, he's a good guy... But let's say he gives in to temptation. He's not the most true to his convictions. I hated him for the longest time... But he's woken up now, and gone back to his plain and simple personality. After them is... Alice, huh. He's... what should I say? Why'd he do something like that...? A while after he got arrested... I left music Ahh... I just remembered. At the time, I wrote in my diary, which is rare... I wrote that music, the thing I'd poured my soul into all this time... suddenly felt like a cold series of notes... this inorganic thing. I wondered, was this how music sounded to people who didn't care about it...? ......... I always thought I didn't care about my brother, and never listened to him, but... Truth is... Maybe I was a little jealous of my normal brother. And acted that way out of spite. ... ...You shouldn't ever murder somebody...

> Death Game info Why do I gotta go through this shit...? Do we have anything in common...? I haven't got a clue...

> What she holds dear Believe it or not... I think family's important, right? I wanna show appreciation to my parents. But like, right now... The original me is being put through this Death Game, yeah? If she dies, she can't do... anything. So when you think of it like that, what's important's my own life, ain't it? "...What about your instruments?" Instruments...? "When I first met Reko... I heard she treasured her bongos." Bongos...? Well, sure. I'm playing bongos in my new band, but...

Nao Unlike the others, Nao's personal info comes as documents you can read wherever. > History Egasaki Elementary School ... Graduated Egasaki Middle School ... Graduated Third Kurotsuki Private High School ... Graduated Takesasa Private College of Art ... Currently 1st year Middle-class, born and raised by a very ordinary family. School grades below average. Focused on art starting in high school, and now seems interested in pursuing only that. Looks up to an art club advisor she met in high school, staying deeply intimate with him even post-graduation. Often seen going to the man's atelier. Doesn't appear to have many friends, but has a long association with most she does have, so it's suspected she values relationships. Also, refrains from going out at night, generally staying at home even on days off. No information known on what men she associates with.

> Physical info Nao Egokoro Age: 19 Gender: Female Height: 162cm (5'4") Weight: 55kg (121lb) Has little experience in sports and the like, limited to P.E. classes in compulsory education. Even so, her reflexes are poor. Perhaps due to her inclination toward art, she has very good eyesight. Her ability to remember a scene for a long time or recognize the individual flaps of a bird's wings is within reason, yet superb. Since much of this comes from practice, about the only thing that can be called a born talent, it is thought, is her passionate love for art. No other notable characteristics, although she has a large bust. (Sara will remark that the last line is harassment and tear it out)

> Relatives Born to a middle-class, extremely average family. Both parents are in good health. Having good relations with them, her situation is common yet happy. The father has been an office worker for 20 years. The mother has carried various jobs. No siblings. The father is under his wife's thumb. When they fight, it appears Nao Egokoro often defends her father to resolve the conflict.

> Death Game info Safely cleared the First Trial. Survived the first Main Game. Greatly affected mentally by death of her teacher. Took off with teacher's head and ran amok. This could be taken as mental weakness, but endurance of great shock could make her that much more mentally sturdy going forward.

> What she holds dear Most likely, Nao Egokoro treasures the artworks she has created, and brushes et al. received from her high school teacher. Due to minimal desire for money, she does not seem the type to want expensive things.

#your turn to die #kimi ga shine #yttd #gin ibushi #q-taro burgerberg #reko yabusame #nao egokoro #yttd spoilers #I'm not sure how to structure this any better #my posts

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diivinitiies · 4 years

Text

→ headcanon: jae-ha’s ptsd.

i remember mentioning a million years ago how i was gonna try to write out something about how jae-ha’s mind works and basically the influence that his childhood abuse ( which was physical and mental // emotional ) had on him. so here is an attempt to expand on it a little more. idk i probably will edit this more as time goes on but i wanted to post this here really for my own reference.

jae-ha has complex ptsd ( with psychosis ) given that it was chronic abuse ( happened over a period of 12 years ). he didn’t have many of the protective factors either — he was socially and physically isolated, and his abuser was really his only point of contact ( though i often mention garou as his sole abuser, the villagers were also complicit in this abuse, and really the purveyor of it ). his mental d/o is undiagnosed, even in his modern verse ( since he had no interest in going to therapy & refused to ). i’ll split this up into childhood and adulthood manifestations because while he hasn’t “gotten over it” he has shifted in the symptoms he primarily experiences. his coping mechanisms into adulthood make the existence of these issues more subtle, but sometimes he does experience the other ( childhood ) symptoms, just less frequently than when he was younger & usually brought on by a trigger. just fyi, jae-ha will probably never really speak about this in its entirety, especially the hallucinations.

CHILDHOOD // TEENAGE YEARS

paranoia // distrust // hypervigilance — constantly on edge around others, didn’t really want to stay in one place // he was constantly on the run thinking that the villagers would be after him, even long after he left // he was often distrustful of the intentions of others after garou died and he lived on the streets // he had to deal with people who wished to use him & his powers for his own benefit even outside of his childhood home and that further cemented his distrust in those around him

anxiety surrounding being touched — usually manifesting as initial flinch // recoil // disgust reflex due to an expectation of pain. might have reacted violently to it as well, depending on how someone touched him ( if it was a harsh touch, he’d respond likewise ) // he’s likely to be more hesitant around men than women

flashbacks — an almost constant thing // mostly it was garou’s voice echoing in his mind but at night this turned to nightmares of him being chained again or used for his powers

insomnia — to avoid the nightmares that plagued his sleep, he’d often just stay up to try to avoid it, resulting in many sleepless nights // he’d often have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep

hallucinations — auditory, visual, & tactile // seeing ghosts // feeling the weight of chains on his wrists and ankles though they were no longer there // hearing garou’s voice echoing in his mind or the sounds of chains at night or at other unspecified times

panic // anxiety attacks — these could come out of nowhere or actually have a trigger ( usually being touched, having arrows aimed at him, threatened to be shot down ) // when confronted with dangerous situations, he’d hyperventilate, start to think he was going to die, etc.

angry and violent outbursts — could come from being touched or from feeling powerless // if he wasn’t progressing as he thought he should, it irritated him // when he couldn��t block garou’s voice from his mind, he would lash out // sometimes his anxiety & panic attacks could turn into outbursts of violence

withdrawal // isolation — avoided getting close to people // as a child, he would keep people at a distance through more aggressive mannerisms // in modern, this was a big reason why he refused to go into the adoption system — if his own blood didn’t want him, who would ? garou always told him that no one would want him.

internalization of negative assumptions — he was always told he couldn’t fit in // he was a monster // no one would accept him and this added to his tendency to withdraw from others out of the fear that he would be rejected or other expectations of pain // he also experienced immense guilt for leaving garou behind and for stealing his life away // often times he did believe that he deserved the abuse that he got

risky behaviors — included stealing // drugs // general recklessness

dysphoria — just general feeling or state of unhappiness, often pervasive

ADULTHOOD

fetis..hization of pain instead of anxiety surrounding it — so he basically reconditioned himself to think differently about being touched to lessen his discomfort surrounding it // masochism can be used as a coping mechanism, in a way it’s taking control; jae-ha had no control over the pain that he experienced as a child, but re-framing it in a consensual context helps him come to terms with abuse

memory repression — avoids thinking about anything to do with his past abuse at all but certain things can make him remember and cause him to withdraw ( usually he makes jokes about the subject, tries to brush it off, and then withdraws completely if the subject is pushed // may get angry tbh )

claustrophobia and cleithrophobia – basically caused by his fear of being tied down without escape or enclosed in small spaces, and this can trigger panic attacks // flashbacks // this can also trigger his anxiety, and if he’s trapped long enough, starts to have these fears of death or nightmares about dying // feelings of powerlessness or hopelessness can overwhelm him // he had this when he was younger too and it carried over

withdrawal // isolation — in short, he has highly developed social skills that preclude vulnerability // instead of being reserved or aggressive as he was when he was a child, he comes off as friendly and open, but he does have many mental walls up // he shies away from emotional intimacy, but is fine with physical intimacy // in a way he can… kind of sabotage his own relationships because he has these internalized negative views, which is one of the reasons he shies away from commitment and tells himself he’s fine with being alone ( but he craves acceptance and intimacy ) // he over regulates his emotions a lot of the time, not allowing himself to feel certain things because he doesn’t want to return to the anger and recklessness of his youth

internalization of negative assumptions about himself — such as being a monster, ugly, undeserving, never going to fit in, etc. — but instead of believing them outwardly, he over compensates by putting an emphasis on beauty, his appearance, independence, and freedom, convincing himself he’s better off alone instead of people don’t want me // his over confidence masks his insecurities

self-medication — not saying he’s an alcoholic, but will turn to it in order to escape the discomfort of the present // in modern verses, he uses drugs like weed and smoking cigarettes for that, along with alcohol still // he has used harder drugs before but that was in his youth

tendency towards protection — he’s very protective of others who he may or may not consider weaker and it’s because he doesn’t want people to experience what he has, basically

insomnia — not as bad as when he was younger, but he can still find it difficult to fall or stay asleep; his sleep habits really aren’t the best even as an adult // he does still have nightmares, though less frequent than in his childhood

dysphoria — certain reminders of the tragic event can trigger a general drop in his mood that may last a while

hypervigilance — manifesting more as keen perception than paranoia, since he has a better handle on it // he is very aware of people’s nonverbal cues, facial expressions, tone, etc. and he is very aware of his surroundings

chronic pain — dull aches and pains usually around his wrist and ankles // he’ll get bad migraines // can manifest in other areas of his body, but the aforementioned areas are the most common // honestly he barely notices the pain anymore

thoughts jae-ha has had regarding his trauma:

maybe my trauma wasn’t bad enough // maybe it was my fault // he was abused too, it wasn’t his fault // i shouldn’t still be angry // i let him die, i was killing him, i deserved it, i’m guilty // garou’s right, i’m a monster // if they realize i’m a monster, will they still accept me? // if i wasn’t a monster it wouldn’t have happened // it doesn’t matter if i get hurt, as long as no one else does, and i’m used to it // no one will accept me, i’m a monster // i shouldn’t bee feeling this way // i can’t let anyone know how i feel // i’m a monster, monster, monster // garou should’ve killed me

#( ❝ a beautiful monster // headcanons. )#child abuse ment ///#drug mention //

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