#bc i do genuinely really like physical contact im an incredibly physical person its my main way of interacting w the world | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queenmylovely · 3 years

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Hello! I was just wondering if I could request something? I know it’s silly to feel bad about it but basically, I’m 20 and I’ve never had a partner, never had sex, never been kissed etc. so I was wondering if you could do something where Ben maybe finds out and takes the reader on a date to show her how she should be treated then teaches her how to kiss and maybe takes her virginity and it’s all just really sweet and loving and gentle? Sorry if it’s too much 😅 thank you!! ❤️❤️

Definitely don’t feel bad bc i’m 21 and in the same boat. I did most of this but bc it’s a blurb I couldn't fit it all. Thank you for the request, lots of love (warnings are a little bit of cussing; 1.5k words)

Masterlist

☆☆☆

“Well what do you mean you’ve never done anything?”

“I mean I’ve never done anything, can you not make me spell it out?” you sighed, feeling a flash of nervous adrenaline as Ben asked you about a topic you didn’t often talk about.

“So you’ve, like, only made out? Over the clothes stuff?” Ben asked, trying to clear it up.

The only reason you were even answering is that Ben seemed genuinely confused and curious. A lot of the time when someone learned about this, they were judgy or teased you, so this was refreshing at least. And Ben really wasn’t the type to judge or tease when it was something so personal as this. You knew that much from your half year or so of friendship.

You looked at him across your kitchen table where you had been eating lunch before the subject of that new coming of age movie came up and Ben started talking about the beginnings of his sex life and asking about yours.

“Ben,” you said quietly, making sure he was looking at you. “I have not made out with anyone, I have not touched or been touched by anyone, and I have not kissed anyone. Ever.”

“Oh,” a look of slightly stunned realization crossed Ben’s face. A few beats went by of you looking at Ben and Ben looking off into the distance.

Suddenly he looked back at you, and the abrupt eye contact made you jolt a little.

“Wanna go on a date with me?”

You blinked, “Um, that’s a hell of a non sequitur.”

Ben shrugged, “Well I was just thinking–”

“Hold on, is this some sort of virgin kink?” you asked, starting to lament the fact that you were about to lose a friend because as nice as he seemed, he was actually a total weirdo.

“No, no! Oh my gosh, not at all. I actually only really brought up that movie to bring up the idea of us dating,” Ben explained frantically.

“How would talking about teenagers having sex for the first time lead to a conversation about us dating?” you questioned disbelievingly. Not to mention your disbelief at the idea of Ben wanting to go on a date, or multiple, with you.

“Well, if you’ll remember, the main characters are friends first who then start dating,” Ben reminded and now that you thought of it, you were the one to bring up the funny and awkward after-sex scene.

Now it was your turn to say, “Oh.”

“Yeah, so… how about it?” Ben smiled at you, that bright smile that reached his eyes and made you feel excited all over.

“But, why do you want to go on a date with me?” as much as you wanted to, it was hard to just trust Ben and agree.

“Well, first of all, I know we get along great. You’re funny, we always have a good time, you’re incredibly caring and kind to me and to everyone. Not to mention you’re super smart and always teaching me about obscure things I never would’ve known about on my own. And oh yeah, you’re gorgeous,” Ben said, and the sincerity and meaning of his words hit you like a ton of bricks, but in a really, really good way.

You were too flustered to even speak for a few moments.

“So did I make a good enough case?” Ben prompted. With a little chuckle, you nodded, “Yes, those were all fine reasons.”

_____

Two days later, you were walking into an Italian restaurant after work for your first date together. You were so nervous it felt like you were sweating bullets. Not only was this your first date in a long time, it also felt like your first date ever that had real potential. Which was nerve wracking.

Ben had texted you that he was already sitting down, so you told the host that you were meeting someone and started looking around. You found him next to the stained glass window on the left side of the restaurant. As you walked towards him and he stood up to greet you, you couldn’t help but admire how good he looked. Sure, he was handsome and conventionally attractive, that was obvious to anyone who looked at him, but knowing that he looked this particularly good because of you was something else entirely.

Ben reached for you as you got closer, pulling you towards him and towards his face. You panicked for a second, but he was just going for a cheek kiss and quick hug, which you were familiar with, and returned happily. Then he offered for you to sit down and you did with a smile.

“I just got here, but I ordered us both Negronis, I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course it is, you know it’s my favorite drink,” you reassured him, reaching across the little table to touch his arm.

You were used to casual physical contact with Ben as friends, but now even touching his arm made your skin feel electric and your nerves came back, like your body knew where this kind of touch might lead at the end of the date. Still, you waited a few seconds before pulling your hand back, enjoying the moment between you and Ben.

There were a lot of moments like that throughout the meal. Cheersing with strong eye contact when your drinks came, offering bites of food of your meals to each other, dabbing at a bit of sauce that got on Ben’s chin, and Ben damn near lasciviously eating a maraschino cherry that came with the dessert, all the while looking to the side innocently.

The tension grew as the night went on, and soon the nerves from the beginning of the meal were replaced by a desire for any sort of closeness or contact with Ben that was currently being prohibited by the table you were sitting at.

When the check came, you didn’t put up a fight at Ben paying (other than to say you would pay next time) because you wanted to get out of the restaurant as quickly as possible. As you left, Ben was right behind you, his hand on the small of your back, making your skin unbelievably warm.

The fresh breeze as you walked outside helped to cool you a little, but Ben’s hand dropped down to grab yours, and your face heated again. The two of you picked the river, only a couple blocks away, to stroll along.

You walked for a ways, chatting about what you saw: the people, birds, water, and sky. As the sun began its descent, you relished the last rays of warmth since you knew the dark would start you walking back and the date would be all but over.

Hearing the call of a bird, you spun to watch it land on one of the riverside trees, smiling and pointing it out to Ben. Turning back to look at him, you bumped into his chest and tilted your head to meet his gaze.

“Oh,” you breathed, surprised at his closeness.

“Hi,” he murmured with that grin of his.

“Hi,” you returned, a grin of your own painting your lips.

You didn’t know what else to say, or whether to say anything at all, not wanting to ruin the moment, but also not sure this was the moment you thought it could be.

Thankfully, you didn’t have too much time to think about it or say anything, because Ben leaned down towards you. His smile lessened bit by bit, until he was only an inch or so from your face, pausing there to look down at your lips and move his free hand to the side of your face. You waited for him to close the gap, waited, waited, until you couldn’t take it anymore and pressed your lips to his.

His lips were warm and soft against yours, and you delighted in the feeling of kissing Ben. He pulled back a little, adjusted the angle, and this time he kissed you, using a light touch on your jaw to move you. Ben was unhurried, gentle, and sweet, letting you get acquainted to the feeling at the speed you wanted.

Parting your mouth, you ran the tip of your tongue on the center of his lower lip and he smiled before parting his own. He kept letting you lead the way, try whatever you liked, and when you accidentally knocked your teeth together, all he did was squeeze your hand reassuringly; you could’ve sworn your heart melted right there.

Of course things couldn’t go on too long, since you were in public and it was now dark save for the streetlights. Reluctantly, you broke away, a warm look passing between you. As you walked back, you let go of Ben’s hand, but only to grab it with the other and wrap his arm around your shoulders. Ben’s eyes twinkled as he looked down at you, and you returned his smile as you squeezed his hand.

★★★

tagging for the length: @riseetothesun @drowseoftaylor @caborhapch @queenlover05 @johndeaconshands @stardust-galaxies @theblossomknows @buckyluvrs @im-an-adult-ish @sleep-i-ness (unable to tag italics)

#I've been watching Anne with an e and I think it affected my writing style a bit ksdljfkads #borhap #ben hardy #ben jones #blurb #fluff #ben hardy x reader #ben jones x reader #borhap x reader #request #anon #lovely asks

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lovingloudly-archived · 4 years

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i had an amazing day with my friends :-) ! a lot of rambling about it below ! 🌈🧸

i really can't even verbalise how good today was - i was just buzzing the entire time which i guess is a good sign?? but jeeeez today was incredible!!! i was feeling super inauthentic and fake and doubting if my personality was real etc the last couple of weeks but like… being around these three goofs who i've learned to call my genuine friends (even though i've only known them since sept when we started college) has made me feel so real and heard and involved and aaaaah i would do anything for them.. they are. so wonderful ??

i never thought id find a real life group friends like this honestly. and i mean, internet friends are a whole different thing!! i just can't even explain how amazing it is to have people who know me for who i am irl first and foremost rather than what i sometimes feel like i am online which is some sort of idealized version of myself (which isn't true either way. i'm being myself regardless babie and i'm trying to remember that!!) but i just... i just feel so alive and unstoppable with them and i actually feel open expressing things to them?? for the first time i sent them a sentimental ramble kinda like what this is which is very big for me honestly.. when i met them i was fully prepared to never? be truly open with them?? and yet how supportive they've been towards me has completely blindsided me and i'll forever be grateful for all they've done for me so far :,)

i didn't know how they would respond to me being so passionately thankful to know them when they may not reciprocate it. but today really helped me like.. realise that they do care about me and that they love me back which i never expected. today really just kinda… put me back inside my body??? they make me feel like myself again and that its okay to be myself - i wanna cry about it tbh i just feel so happy and grateful to know them. and we saw sonic together btw!!! which was. so wholesome and fun and genuinely enjoyable omg. it had... like elements of all of us in our group of 4, jack said it was like the epitome of us which idk that stuck with me like wow we really have like... learned each others interests and everything after 5-ish months of being friends and it's oddly soft to have that irl :( and i had never seen a movie with more than one friend before this?? so being with my group and just passing our giant popcorn together and bonking my head against one of my friend’s (selin) shoulder bc physical affection babie and calling her pretty and going wild when we saw an ad for our college being like “omg put us in we go THEREEE !!” and. again just. not being afraid to express that i genuinely love them was the best…. i’m v overwhelmed in a positive way sjddjksks.

i just feel so real and secure in who i am because of them and i hope i get to feel like this more as i...... ?? “recover”? idk i’m still struggling with realising that what i've gone through and been hurt through is enough to validate some sort of recovery but i know i deserve it. everyone deserves that inherently :(

also, if you have seen the sonic movie already, you will know that there is a certain song near the beginning by uhh my fav band wink wink i don't wanna spoil incase any fans see this i want them to see the movie and b surprised with seeing this song playing bc i almost cried. and i ??? hand flapped openly when it played and my friends didn’t judge me or anything i love them i… ??? i’m overwhelmed ohh my gosh i love my friends …. i love them so much. they've been so supportive and there for me when they could have just been these... very uninvolved friends who didn't make any attempt to talk to me unless i initiated it but they aren't that. they're conversational and supportive and care enough to remember the things i like and actually who i am and involve me in things and treat me like i actually add something to the group and asdfghjdfklj i’m v. very thankful for my friends oh myy goodness... i love them so much.

ALSO. ??? okay silly thing. i hugged all 3 of them today which i ? also initiated which felt very risky bc i always have that lurking fear that my affection or kindness will be rejected and i guess that has made me suppress those sort of things a lot but i hugged all 3 of them!! with selin its a regular thing and her hugs are v soft, harrison’s one was quick bc he had to leave but i just love that despite the other two giving him fistbumps i felt confident enough to jsut.. give him a liddol hug bc i appreciate him and i hope he knows that :( the only other time so far weve hugged was bc he got super excited about his christmas present i got him (its a pin and he wears it everywhere now i could cry!!!!)

and i hugged jack for the first time which is !! like a v silly little thing but for a bit he was the one i talked to least? but gradually we’ve been closer with each other which is v fun bc we are solidarity in many ways fjsdnvfhkfrjgf...... the curly hair.. the hypermobility (we found this out today and we both went wild btw!! spiderman pointing at each other meme in real life im telling u), the way we say the exact same things, the gay solidarity... anyway i love hugging people oml i haven't had this many hugs in one day maybe *ever*!! so it was euphoric leave me aloneeeeee let me be dramatic i am ridiculously touchstarved goshfhj. they're also all taller than me which isnt saying much i UNDERSTAND THIS (tumblr has made me think my height was average until i went to college and EVERY person i come in contact with is taller than me by a good bit) but omg... hugging taller people as i've now found out... is truly very neat!!!!!! u people that have previously been lucky enough to hug a tall ppl were right :D it was gentle. hold each other gentle like hamburger !!

harrison had to leave a lil bit earlier so he missed out on the sick group hug but jhkdmljdskfhg ogmjhkkh i feel so overly dramatic about that but genuinely just.......... and i didn't initiate that one! selin did and it meant so much to me like. idk i've had the fear for the longest time that i was just grotesqueeeee and nobody would be willing to interact with me let alone give me physical affection so having that and kinda just being comfortably squished between them......... the bliss i experienced in that moment u guys........... i cannot......... dang that was a long ramble just about the hugging alone can u tell how happy today made me ohmygogoshd........

argh okay last paragraph u get my point....... i never thought i would have friends like this so it's just like, im not exactly FEELING hope that it will happen it's the just the. god i don't know another more emotive word for it but just?? the realisation that it has happened and i have these guys and that i'm apart of something bigger than just myself instead of strictly one-on-one friendships, im apart of a group and i feel trusted by them and i feel just. i don't wanna say i was “meant” to meet them but i truly feel that meeting them has changed everything for me and i'll always be over the moon about that :,) ! 🌙🧸🌈💞🌙🧸🌈🌙🧸💞🌈🌙🧸💞🌈🌙🧸💞🌈

#chatter #comfort tag #i just want to remember this forever

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jadecringecomp · 5 years

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jade, of course, is still trying to deflect rather than own up to anything at all. im too lazy for screenshots so youre going to have to deal with text for this one. you can see their post here though. and if receipts are needed they are most likely on the callout blog or you can come to me if you cant find them.

“uses their own dead grandma as leverage out of nowhere literally months after the original argument”

jade are you really that braindead. like youre still just proving my previous point. youre still practically shitting on me for it. i gave a reason as to why that night was so traumatic for me because you keep trying to make it seem “like it wasnt that bad” by your own words!

also like uh, jade. you yourself have used your aunt having cancer as a reason to just... excuse every single action youve done. so again, take that and choke.

“abuses their own bf/ex but its fine because he abused her first lolololol!!!”

jade i... honestly have no words. youre still defending a pedophile, and you even admit he abused me. like, yes, i cheated on him. but how does the fact he is a pedophilic abuser not process through your head. why are you so set on defending that. a genuine question.

“flips back and forth on whether they were actually abused or not whenever it benefits her“

theres... nowhere that even says that in the link you posted. are you posting that to still try and imply i lied about the abuse you inflicted upon me or...?

“refriends their own ‘abuser’”

ok well one jade, you still have no actual proof ive befriended broden at all. all you have is a like on a fucking post. really how braindead is it possible to be at this point.

and regarding bailey, i never called her my abuser. you were the one to do that. you said she abused me after i showed you screenshots of what went down between us. and whats worse after i even came to you and showed you the screenshots and you got involved with that mess?? you still wanna try and say what happened was fake. like you wanna call me two-faced, yet youre so quick to change your mind once you realize that person doesnt benefit you anymore.

also! for someone whos a survivor of abuse, you sure as hell dont realize a common thing between us survivors is literally going back to those who’ve hurt them right?? like you keep bringing this up as if im fucking lying about the whole thing when im not since again, i came to you while we were friends with the proof. i can even post them if need be. and honestly it doesnt even fucking matter anymore ive broken contact with her after shortly realizing my mistake.

“denies other ppls abuse just because they doesnt like them and a few vent discord messages means they knows literally everything abt it“

i can admit to saying i denied your abuse because there is actual proof that you werent abused two years ago, not because i dont like you. do you really just think nobody will believe proof right in front of them jade??? do you think youre some perfect princess who can do no wrong???? like jade the proof is right @deeancie, @estweri, @honeykeis-callout, and even here. you really expect me to just not believe it if i didnt hate you. you honestly need some real fucking help if thats the case jade.

and really like. if you say your bf clams up when you go to him... what else am i supposed to believe. sure i can be wrong, but reading that shit can really make you wonder what is going on between you two. and jade you wanna say that like you yourself dont do that shit. remember all the times you read vague text posts and would go on a tangent as if you knew every little thing about what was going on in my life. yeah kinda what i thought.

“says grooming minors is talking to people One time“

i love how you fail to leave out the fact that these people were minors and that youre practically defending loli. so if youre still talking to these minors and since youre still defending loli, then yes youre grooming minors into thinking loli is ok.

“straight up let a minor into their porn server on discord (they can go as rabid about this as they want but they still straight up showed an actual minor graphic porn but IM a pedophile bc i rb anime sometimes lmfao)”

again its been resolved. like ive acknowledged it was wrong of me to do and ive changed it. and how can you say you just rb anime sometimes when. you literally are reblogging this kind of fuckshit. like do you not remember reblogging that obviously naked child in a collar or what. the difference is i realized my wrong and changed it while youre still rbing actual loli.

“lied about the relationship (the one where they abused each other and she cheated on him with her other abuser???) having elements of pedophilia because they lied about her age”

this is so... ive told you i forgot. the ages. i was literally an age off for the both of us. like what else do you want me to do about this.

“has sketchy as fuck ocs, including one thats physically ten who would force their adult self insert to be naked around them and also drew them being physically beaten“

while the first was true (but i dont have that oc anymore), where in the fuck did i draw them being physically beaten lole??? are you pulling this out of your ass to deflect you yourself rbing beaten children????

and i swear to god if you bring up this comic, im going to scream.

“is a stalker and an abuser. by their own logic“

ok like. a couple of things to this. jade when are you going to get it through your thick skull i didnt give a shit if you were lurking or not, it was the fact you would comment on my every move. which is stalking by the way and incredibly creepy like get a life!

and an abuser “by my own logic”. the link you shared, again, doesnt show that anywhere. also with how badly of a hypocrite you are, thats you. you told me it was abusive to call people delusional. you started doing that once i realized my wrong and stopped. you told me it was abusive. you told me making people relapse was abusive. yet once i relapse you still didnt give a shit and somehow that makes you in the clear (though i still dont give a shit we both literally did that to ourselves the point is youre an abuser too to your own logic). you said trying to gaslight people is abusive (which it is). look at the stacks of proof i have of you gaslighting me. like i could go on but all the proof if here on this blog.

“oh and dont forget they foamed at the mouth that i didnt instantly know when they changed their pronouns but has been proven to have Actually knowingly misgendered me for weeks“

jade the fact you were lurking should make it fucking obvious you should have known my pronouns. and for weeks?? jade i misgendered you in your callout, which i immediately changed once pointed out. will you please stop lying to make yourself look victim and just tell the truth for once in your life.

“also apparently i can call them rae and its not deadnaming because its not their birthname so“

oh my god youre literally fucking braindead it hurts to watch at this point. no rae isnt my deadname. but i do prefer not going my that. the whole point of that was that you tried screaming transphobia because someone called you by a previous name you went by. you fucking dumbass.

“claims to have bpd but doesnt even know what cluster b is holy shit!!!“

what do i even say to this jade?? what does the fact i didnt know what that was at first matter to me having bpd??? also are you just gonna shrug off the fact that you first claimed you got misdiagnosed with autsim, then suddenly you do? you claimed to have bipolar disorder, then later you suddenly decide you have bpd??? kind of sketchy if you ask me!

“tries to send anons under my name but forgot that their friend levi doesnt even have me blocked so why the fuck would i go on anon if i would ‘sign’ it anyway hm“

a....... are you implying i was the one to send those....? is it because you realized once you did so it backfired?? jade for someone who wanted to claim i was the one making up conspiracies, you sure make up a lot of them.

in conclusion: jade you still are just deflecting! you still havent defended any of the shit me or my friends have called you out for! the fact you still havent admitted to them or so much as even defended the claims sure does speak a lot! stop deflecting and lying and just fucking come out about it!

#gaslighting #lying

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