#and to neglect my own needs. to fear because i never knew what i did wrong... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bloodlust-1 · 4 months

Note

A bit of a weird request but my biggest insecurity is my larger vulva and I was wondering if you could write an Astarion smut where Tav is too insecure to initiate with Astarion due to that insecurity and him comforting Tav

My new obsession is adding stretch mark details bc that’s what I have, But! Ofc, all bodies have different shapes and sizes (And that isn’t stopping Astarion), soo let’s get into itttt.

Hope you like it anon!

・ “Let me see”・

Astarion x fem Tav — Explicit 18+

Summary: Being naked in front of Astarion - For him to see? It was all too vulnerable for Tav’s insecurities. But Astarion boldly displays Tav, legs spread, for his admiration.

T/W: Smut!

Notes: There’s something so therapeutic when a lover just *Loves* your body even when you’re insecure.

Astarion flung the doors of Tav's room open with a loud bang. Tav jumped in her seat just to see Astarion storming in with a determined look on his face. His brow was furrowed in frustration and his eyes held a hint of irritation.

Tav sat at an old wooden desk looking at a map of different quests marked in scribbles and dots. Needless to say, Their group was lucky enough to find an abandoned cabin with strong bones to even stand.

Astarion came to a stop in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest, "What's going on?" Astarion demanded.

He leaned in, his hands gripping the edges of her old wooden desk as he peered down at her with intensity. "Why are you avoiding me?" the rush of nerves coursed through Tav, and she felt the sting of his frustration.

There was a slight gloss cast over Astarion's eyes. Under all the frustration, he was truly worried. Remorse sank in, Tav knew that she had been keeping to herself and causing Astarion distress. After all, she was well aware of how important she was to him.

"I-I'm not avoiding you," she stammered, her eyes darting to the map on her desk. "I've just been busy trying to plan our next move. You know, with all these quests we need to complete."

The real reason why she ran away from Astarion was because of her own insecurities.

As Tav and Astarion grew closer, she worried that if things became too physical, he would see all of her flaws and imperfections. The stretch marks, scars, and the biggest insecurity between her legs would be on full display.

Tav was terrified of his reaction. The thought of him seeing her in such a vulnerable state made her want to run and hide.

Astarion, on the other hand, seemed to have no bounds. He desired a deeper level of intimacy with her, but Tav's insecurities were holding her back. She couldn't shake the feeling that he would see her differently, and her larger proportions only intensified that fear.

Tav wanted to give into his touch, but her insecurities were constantly tugging at her will.

Astarion let out a frustrated sigh, his gaze softening slightly. "We both know that's not true," he said, his voice gentle now. "Just tell me what I did wrong, love, so we can fix this already. It's driving me insane."

Tav's heart swelled at his words. She felt terrible for neglecting their relationship. She turned to face him fully, her eyes meeting his with a mix of regret and affection.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, placing a hand on top of his. "I didn't mean to push you away. I've just been so focused on the wrong things lately... I see how wrong I am now."

His angered demeanor softened, "But why? I was worried you were having second thoughts about us."

"Astarion, I never second guessed what we have."

"Then tell me why you were avoiding me."

Tav felt a cold sweat chill up her back. She wasn't expecting him to hound in so deep on this question. But she knew she couldn't keep hiding these insecurities from him, it would only push them away more.

With a determined sigh, Tav parted her lips, closing her eyes to avoid seeing his reaction, "I'm really nervous about having sex with you because I'm insecure about my body." She paused for a moment and took in a small breath. "I want to be completely open and vulnerable with you, but I'm afraid you won't find me attractive."

He scuffed, "That's Impossible." Astarion straightened his back before walking over to Tav's chair. He forcefully pushed the leg of the chair so that it was facing him.

Astarion grabbed Tav's waist and lifted her up onto the desk, causing a loud clatter as he swept everything off to the floor. The sound of clinking and clattering echoed through the room, but Astarion paid no mind to it.

"If only I knew this earlier...I would kiss every inch of your body until those insecurities were no longer."

Tav tilted her head away from his gaze as his face inched closer to hers, "I felt like you might've judged me..."

Astarion grabbed Tav's jaw tightly enough to force her face straight into his, "I have a contract carved into my back for fucks sake. Nothing is more uglier than this." Astarion let out an airy chuckle before locking eyes with her. "What is bothering you so much, my love?"

Her cheeks burned in embarrassment. Well - here goes nothing. "Down there - it doesn't look...pretty."

A sly grin spread across his face, pulling at the corners of his lips. "I couldn't disagree more."

Tav's eyes widened -

His slender fingers danced down the curves of Tav's body, and a teasing smile played across his lips. "You think it isn't pretty?" he whispered, his touch sending shivers down her spine.

Tav's body went tense from the sudden touches. But before she could protest, his fingers settled on her hips, holding Tav in place.

"And yet," Astarion continued, his voice low and playful, "it's probably the most perfect part of you." His words made Tav's heart skip a beat. "I'm sure of this," Astarion affirmed, his gaze intense as he met her eyes.

Tav's face burned hot, feeling both flattered and embarrassed at the same time. But in that moment, with his fingers on her hips and his words in her ears, Tav felt a little piece of confidence.

With a firm grip, Astarion grasped Tav's jaw, his fingers curling tightly around her cheeks. Desire burned in his eyes as he tilted her head back.

With a gentle yet forceful touch, Astarion exposed her nape, his lips trailing hot kisses along the side of Tav's neck.

Tav closed her eyes, completely under his control. His touch was intoxicating and she found herself craving it more and more. With each kiss, Tav's body melted into his, completely surrendering to his embrace.

An airy breath escaped Tav's lips while Astarion found his hands groping the pudge of her hips and ass. Tav nibbled on his lower lip as he tried to pull away from the kiss.

A mischievous chuckle escaped Astarion's lips. He was pulled back into the kiss playfully. But as their lips met again, he couldn't help but become serious, his eyes filled with a glint of excitement. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

Tav and Astarion were lost in their own world, their bodies entwined, their heat exuding off each other. And as they finally pulled away, both of them were left breathless.

"May I?" Astarion tugged at the hem of Tav's blouse.

Tav nodded softly.

Astarion pulled her blouse off, unclipped her bra, and tossed it to the side of the room. There was a small pause as his eyes traced over her bare chest, admiring it. His fingers softly graced Tav's skin gently, allowing his eyes to follow wherever his hands explored.

"You're stunning." He whispered while he fondled her breasts. Astarion was content with the simple pleasure of watching Tav squirm beneath his touch.

And as Tav's whimpers turned into moans he knew that they wanted each other, badly. Astarion leaned over and pressed hungry kisses against Tav's chest.

His breath deepened and he eagerly pulled off Tav’s pants and panties. He stripped Tav of her clothes until her shoulders tensed up, her eyes becoming watery, "I-I feel a bit shy." She thought again of her insecurity.

"Shhh…it’s okay." He gently guided Tav to lay back on the desk, his hands supporting her as she surrendered to his touch. “Just stop me if you get too uncomfortable, my love.”

He took in her naked body. He marveled at the sight before him. Every curve of her body was perfectly accentuated, like a work of art crafted by the gods themselves. He traced his fingers over every scar and mark.

As he gazed at her, he couldn't help but think that Tav resembled the women depicted in ancient statues, their bodies bare and curvy, their beauty immortalized for all to see. In that moment, Tav was just as breathtaking.

With each touch and caress, Astarion admired her. His hands dragged down her stomach while he kneeled in front of the desk. His thumb ran in between her folds, and it rested on her clit. He circled his thumb, pleased to hear the moans that flowed out Tav's mouth.

“Is this why you were so worked up?” He stared at Tav’s core, continuing to rub it. His mouth watered just staring at her.

From Tav’s pov, she saw his long pale arms caressing her lower body. It was gentle, but confident in his movements and it sent shivers up her back.

“Yes…” Tav shamefully admitted between the tingly sensation Astarion was sending up her spine. It was some what embarrassing for her, but he seemed to be completely taken aback from her body.

“Let me see -“ his hands rested on her knees, pushing them wider so that Tav was completely displayed naked in front of him.

His mouth inch closer and pushed a kiss against her clit, “You’re the prettiest when you’re like this. Legs spread apart for me to taste.”

Tav went silent, only the heavy breathing of her chest rising and falling was heard.

Again, Astarion placed a kiss over her core, pressing hot air against her each time he exhaled. He lingered longer, and his mouth started to move in wider kisses.

His tongue teased her folds until it found the perfect spot of her clit. Once found, Astarion hooked his arms around her thighs and pulled Tav deeper into his mouth.

A sharp tingle like electricity spread through out Tav’s body. Her mouth hanged opened as small moans filled the room. For the moment Tav closed her eyes and melted away into Astarion’s bliss.

His tongue was precise and flicked steadily in Tav’s most sensitive spot. Her hips bucked each time she felt the intensity of pleasure, but he pulled away each time. He wanted Tav to last long, and he wanted to taste her for as long as he could.

“You taste as good as you look, darling.” His husky voice tickled Tav’s inner thighs and it melted her heart, his compliments. He truly knew exactly what she wanted to hear.

His dragged his tongue softly against Tav’s core, “This is what held you back for so long?”

Tav proper herself up with her elbows, “It did.” Her eyes were hazy yet a tinge of sadness.

He shook his head in disagreement and click his tongue, “It’s perfect. And you’re perfect.” His red eyes intensified his gaze, “Stay right there. I’ll show you just how delicious you are.”

With a rough hold Astarion dug his fingers into Tav’s thighs. He buried his face between her legs and fuck - It sent Tav into a moaning mess.

“Mmh! Astarion-“ her voice cracked and trembled.

Tav arched her back, her hands gripping Astarion’s white curls as he flicked his tongue over her sensitive clit. Each touch sent waves of pleasure through her body, making her moan and whimper with need.

He continued to tease and please her, his fingers joining in to add to the sensation. Tav felt herself getting closer and closer to the edge, her body trembling with anticipation.

Finally, with one last flick of Astarion’s tongue, she climaced, her body trembled with the force of her release. Astarion sucked every drop of her essence, slowly bringing her down from her high.

As she caught her breath, she looked down at him with gratitude and desire. He smiled up at her, his face glistening with her juices.

So no, it may not be "pretty" in Tav's mind, but to Astarion, it was the most perfect part of her. And that, my dear, is all that truly matters.

Any thoughts? Comment 👇🏼 I love to engage!

#bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fic #bg3 tav #astarion bg3 #astarion acunin #astarion x tav #astarion fanfic #astarion smut #astarion x reader #anon ask #astarion #bg3 astarion #bg3 smut

759 notes · View notes

bubbles-for-all-of-us · 11 months

Text

Hold onto me

a/n I think someone suggested something along the lines but tumblr deleted the ask and now last night it hit me again.

summery: You're not really Joel's girl. Or are you? When Joel gets stabbed and the journey to get Ellie to the fireflies takes an unwanted turn. Will you survive to see another day after David gets a hold of you.

warnings: my lack of skills in writing, blood, shot wounds, choking, death, guns, violence, David is a warning himself, sexual assault.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Heavy. The past couple of days have left you feeling heavy. Nothing made sense. No matter what you did, you simply couldn't find any sort of comfort. The panic still lingered. The light ink of blood—Joel's blood—still coated your palms. As if it had seeped deep within you. As if it had become a part of you. And it had, in a way. Making you restless at night. Jumping up from nightmare after nightmare. A finger pressed onto Joel's pulse point, counting the beats anxiously.

What idiot pulls a knife out of a stab wound? Even amid fear, you couldn't wait for Joel to be able to stay conscious long enough so you could lecture him. Under what rock has he been raised? Neglecting the most basic rule of survival. But then again, he wouldn't care for your opinion. He never did. Maybe because his ego was really big. Or maybe because you were simply no one to him.

Ever since you joined them, Joel has mostly been cold. Sure, occasionally your heart would flutter when he would shrug off his jacket and throw it your way. Or handed you a cup of coffee. Pulled a blanket more over your shoulders when he thought that you were asleep. Or left bits of his food for you to finish when he saw you swaying slightly. Other than that, you were always welcomed with a calculated look. A look that you couldn't read, yet you knew that it didn't carry any real care in it. As if he was waiting for you to mess up so he could finally get rid of you.

You all met in Jackson. Tommy had told you many stories about his older brother. You had been tasked with gathering information about him on your own. But none of the trips had been particularly successful until Joel Miller himself came through the gates of Jackson. "You didn't do him justice, Tommy", you had laughed as the four of them sat down in the food court. "He ain't all old and cranky". The girl beside him, who you later learned was Ellie, had snorted. "He's the definition of cranky", she muttered, earning a frown from Joel.

"Do you think it's getting better?", you looked down instantly. Ellie was rubbing her eyes, still leaning against your side. You pulled the dusty blanket even tighter around her. "His fever is going down", you muttered, rubbing her shoulders in hopes of providing some more warmth. "Does it mean he's dying?", Ellie had been worried sick ever since. She had gone into shock after it all happened. Just sat in the corner. Barely blinking. Then the guilt came. Then tears. Besides fetching snow to break the fever that Joel had, you held her in your arms. Offering her the last and only thing you had — comfort.

"No, Ellie, it doesn't", placing a kiss on her forehead, you rested your cheek on her head with a deep sigh. "I'll go hunt us something to eat and…", you stated firmly, but Ellie cut in almost immediately, "I can go as well. The chances of us getting something if we both go are higher". The girl pulled away from your embrace and now looked straight into your eyes. "I ain't letting you go anywhere alone, especially with a gun", you said, shaking your head. Joel would never agree to that, and you wouldn't either. You were in a bad enough situation. It didn't need to get any worse.

"So we starve…", Ellie said dramatically, throwing her hands in the air. "Are you questioning my hunting skills?", you placed your hand on your chest playfully, pulling the most hurt expression you could manage. It did make Ellie crack a smile for a moment, but her face fell again. "I just want to help somehow", she mumbled. And you knew how she felt. She had been blaming herself for what had happened to Joel. She had been letting the weight of his limp body drag her down. You knew you couldn't do anything about it. She needed Joel's reassurance. Nothing else was going to cut it. "Fine, but you shoot anyone who comes near you", you said, pointing your finger at her. Ellie only nodded.

Joel let out a pained growl, and you instantly looked his way. Ellie had already rushed to the back room to look at the guns, leaving you two alone. "Hey, cowboy", you purred, reaching to change the warm cloth from Joel's forehead. "Don't let her", Joel snarled through gritted teeth. "Unfortunately, you are no longer in charge. Focus on recovering", you tapped his shoulder with a smirk, but he grabbed your wrist instantly, even if it caused it immense pain. "If something happens…", the look on his face said it all. You nodded. "I know you'll skin me alive, Miller. My hearing is perfectly fine".

With two rabbits by your side, you let yourself sit in the snow for a moment. Head in your hands. You hoped. Hoped you all were going to pull through. That you were strong enough to hold the front line until Joel was strong enough to fully boss you around. The truth was, you were mortified. Had been for a while, and then Joel came into your life with his broody attitude, and all of a sudden you felt the safest you've ever been. Even if you just sat in silence. Even if he was annoyed. There was always comfort in his presence. A safety blanket that you naively believed was unbreakable. Until this. And now you were back to being scared.

"Where have you been?", you said angrily, once Ellie walked into the basement. You had been pacing the place for at least an hour. She hadn't returned to your meeting spot. "I got this", Ellie said, pulling out a bundle in her hands. "What, Ellie? Where did you get those?", your body froze at the sight of medicine and a needle. No. No one had access to stuff like that, and if they did, the price for it would be astronomical. "Ellie?", you asked her again in a much sharper tone. "Some man… well, there were two of them", she muttered. "Ellie", you nearly cried out. Guts turned instantly with a sickening feeling.

"They live nearby", your head immediately jerked up to the door at the top of the stairs. "Did they follow you?", you asked as the anxiety started to creep in. "No, I don't know…", now even Ellie's voice trembled slightly as she too looked up. Your lips thinned. Sure, if they didn't follow her, then maybe it was nothing, but there was just that something, that inkling, that told you that something was not right here.

"Right, let's just be grateful then", you said, shaking your head, reaching for the bundle as you stepped closer to Joel, who stirred, opening his eyes just as you fell to your knees beside him. "Wait", Ellie caught your wrist right as you were about to stab the needle through Joel's skin. "I just… Will this hurt him?", her big, scarred eyes meet yours. "Not more than he already is. This will kill down the inflammation", you clasped her palm, squeezing it slightly. "You promise?", she asks quietly. "I can hope", you admitted. Giving Ellie fake hope wasn't something you were willing to do. It would only break her more in the end.

Ellie lay down by Joel right after you pulled his shirt down, bringing the blanket over his body once more. Joel leaned into her, yet his eyes met yours briefly. Something like a silent thank-you lingered. You gave him a little smile before brushing your hands through Ellie's hair. Hoping for a moment of calmness as well.

You suddenly jumped up to the sound of the front door slamming. Jole's arm falls from over your side as you scramble to get up, reaching for a knife. Yet the footsteps sound familiar. Way too familiar, making your muscles ease until a terrified Ellie practically falls from the staircase. "They followed me", but she doesn't look at you. Reaching for Joel's knife and pushing it into his hands. "If anyone comes here, you stab them straight in the neck. You heard me?", she asked the male before turning to you.

"We need to go; we need to distract them so they…", Ellie started to ramble once more as her breathing picked up. "Take the gun, get on the horse", you pushed her forward slightly. Reloading your guns as the banging upstairs rang out. Right as Ellie was about to jump into the saddle, you grabbed her by the shoulders, "You go straight for the woods, lose the horse, and never turn around". Her body was visibly shaking, yet she muttered, "And you?", "I'll be okay kiddo", you lean in to press a kiss to her forehead as you lift the garage door.

Everything that followed after that was a blur. You took out every single man that stood in Ellie's way. You smirked to yourself as she managed to disarm a man with a shot. Maybe it was just fool's luck, yet you couldn't help but feel proud. More than happy that you convinced Joel to give her a couple of lessons prior. You saw Ellie flying off the horse as one of the guys shot the animal a couple of times. Hitting the ground with a thud and sending all of your senses on fire. "Hey, fucker, pick someone more your size", you fired a bullet into his head carelessly. Ellie let out a scream just as the man fell to the ground. But you gave it no second thought, yanking her up by the collar to stand. "Run", you barked out, not even recognizing your voice. She staggered back like a scared animal before she took off. Right as another shot rang out, you cried out in pain as a bullet pierced your thigh. You turned around, teeth-gritting against one another. Aiming your gun at the two males there. You managed to shoot one of them, and then something hard came into contact with your head, and everything went dark.

Blissful is the state of not knowing. When you can't identify if you are dead or have already entered the afterlife, even if you weren't sure that shit was a thing in this broken world. And it's the sharp pain that ripped your eyes open as you choked out a cry. Head hitting the wall behind you as the unfamiliar faces filled your vision.

"And I thought you were a goddess while you were sleeping", the male pulled his fingers out of your wound, licking them eagerly. "But your eyes", you blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out where you were. Or what was happening? Have they got Ellie too? Or did she manage to escape? Was she with Joel now? Safe and sound. You clenched your jaw, starting ahead of yourself.

"Little lamb, do you feel blessed?", you knitted your eyebrows together, turning your head to the side so you could escape the male's fingers touching your skin. "When I see you bleeding out in front of me, I will", you crocked out. To your surprise, he only smiled and said, "Ah, I knew your soul called to mine; you have the devil inside you". You couldn't move because of the chains, which left you vulnerable to his touch all over your body. Yet your face stayed cold. Unreadable. Untouchable. "I'm David", the male put a hand on his chest, yet the smile made you want to vomit. "Where's your scary partner, huh?", he leaned closer to you. "Probably out there doing scary partner things", you sassed away. David's face bloomed with a smirk.

"You can have it all. Be a true leader. Be mine", he continued, brushing his hands through your hair, but you turned to the side, spitting right at his face, "I'd rather eat my shit". David's face darkened as he clenched his fists. Turning away from you, he let out a sigh, saying, "You are in the dark still. Don't worry, I'll get you back to the light, doll." They turned quickly and stabbed a needle into your neck, and just like before, the world around you turned into nothingness almost immediately.

Jole had been beating up the two males in front of him for what felt like hours. "I'll ask you one last time. Where are they?", Joel pulled a handful of the man's hair, pulling his face up so he would face him. "Man, please, please", the pleading continued. The pleading that was driving Joel insane led him nowhere. "Where are they?", Joel snarled, pulling harder. "The town", "What fucking town?", the booming of Joel's voice echoed through the room right as his left fist came in contact with the side of the male's face.

It was a nightmare. The worst one he had ever had. The last thing he saw was Ellie's mortified face. He saw you ushering her outside. The slight tremble in your own hands didn't go unnoticed by Joel. And now he had no idea where you were. Were you even alive? He would burn the whole town to the ground if any of you were hurt. No, Joel wouldn't allow himself to make the same mistake twice.

He felt guilty. So guilty. He needed to find you somehow. Even in his slightly delusional state, Joel felt you. Felt your gentle touch. The way you squeezed his hand. The way you ran your fingers through his hair. It was an odd feeling. Something Joel had long forgotten. He had no recollection of the last time someone cared about him. Yet alone reach for him in such tender ways. Joel often cursed himself for the frustrated remarks that he threw your way. He didn't mean them. He just didn't know how to approach this.

"Joel", the voice said, making him blink, and he only now realized that he had been beating the man without stopping all this time. And now his disheveled body lay limp in front of him. Joel turned around quickly, his body running cold at the sight in front of him. "God, Ellie", he blurted out, crossing the room in a couple of steps. Bringing the girl to his body. Feeling the fear easing. Feeling her smaller hands holding onto his coat. Feeling the way she trembled.

"Are you hurt? Did they do anything?", Joel pulled away eventually, cupping Ellie's face as he looked her over. The girl only shook her head. "They took her", only now did Joel notice Ellie's tear-stained face and the lip that still quibbled. "What", Joel breathed out, silently urging her to speak. "They she… she saved me and just.. they", Ellie looked behind her, pointing somewhere, and Joel quickly turned her face so he could face her.

"Hey, slow down, baby girl, slow down". With a couple of breaths in, Ellie finally spoke up again. "They dragged her off, Joel". Her voice was desperate. Just as desperate as when Joel got stabbed. You and Joel had become her whole world. She never had anyone to rely upon, and now you both were so important to her that every time anything happened to any of you, it threatened her whole existence. "Do you know where they took her", Joel asked calmly, never dropping eye contact with the girl. Ellie nodded her head, Joel did the same, "We'll get her back; don't worry about it, kiddo. I won't let them do anything".

You woke up loopy. Head pounding. There was no recollection of what had happened. Until minor snippets started to explode in your brain. You tilted your head up. None of the clothes were on your body; you were only in your underwear. Your body went cold. Heart beating faster. A sickening feeling rose as you turned over to vomit. Shaking violently.

The door to the room opened, making you flinch. You watched the man who came in with fear. You watch him push the tray of food through the lower part of the cell, trying to stay as far away from you as he could. As if you were diseased. As if you were the one who was insane here. "I can't reach it", you muttered. "Please", you begged. He looked back at the door. Then at you. David must have given him strict orders, and if he was hesitating so much, the consequences for breaking those orders had to be severe.

"Please", you begged again, and with a sigh, he reached for the keys that dangled from his pants, unlocking the door. Then stepped in. "Can you… Could you help me sit up?", you asked, lifting your hands slightly and reaching towards him. "You own my head", he bit back before licking his lips. You mimicked his expression quickly. "Of course", you breathed out, "I'll even choke you". You smile sweetly at him before you move the metal shackles around his throat, pushing against his skin. You wrapped your whole body around him. Like a snake holding its prey. Choking out the last drops of air. You let the tears stream down your cheeks as you leaned back, pressing even harder.

The moment the choked-out plea for help died down and he sank against your body, you quickly reached for the keys in his hands before rolling him away from you. You kept asking yourself… What would Joel do? How would he stay calm? You had seen him completely dissociated while he shot people who meant any harm to the people he cared for. The question now was - Would you be able to do the same?

Still, with only your underwear on and a throbbing leg that without a doubt would get infected eventually, you stumbled out of your little cage. Clothes should have been your priority considering the cold weather outside, but you just didn't care and couldn't care. You could smell other people on your skin. Feel the fantom sensation of their fingers. You needed to get out.

"Where do you think you're going", the sound of that voice made bile rise in your throat. You quickly turned around before you darted into the room closest to your right, shutting the door. "You bitch", David barked from the other side of the door, rattling the handle frantically. You needed to think. Needed to make a plan. Your eyes scanned the room, falling onto the door across it. Pulling them open, you stumbled into what appeared to be the kitchen.

Your hands rested on the counter for support at the sight that was in front of you. Human bodies hang from the ceiling. Some were missing parts of their bodies. Parts that, without a doubt, filled the buckets in the back of the room. "Don't worry, you won't become the next supper", you felt David's arms sneaking around your waist as he pulled you back into his body. With an inhumane-like growl, you staggered forward, reaching for the butcher knife.

"Get your hands off me", you screamed, every word met with a knife that David managed to dodge the first couple of times before the blade hit his flesh. His cries blended into static silence. You couldn't even hear yourself. The blood slowly coats your body. But you didn't stop. Couldn't stop. Until the knife slipped out of your hands and you finally saw the body in front of you. A choked-out sob slipped past your lips. Your eyes darted to your hands. Hands that didn't feel like they were yours.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even hear the door being pushed over. You did not hear your name being called out. Only when two hands reached for your shoulders did you jerk back, once again reaching for the bloody knife. "It's just me, just Joel", his hands were in the air as he slowly moved closer to you. The blade slipped to the floor, and you darted forward, arms wrapping around Joel's neck as you buried your naked and trembling body into his chest.

"I'm tired. I tried", you mumbled through the tears. Joel pressed you tighter in his arms, "Shhh, it's okay. I've got you", his voice was low. It was the kind of low that made most people think twice, but to you, it was so comforting. "I tried, Joel,", you repeated yet again, pulling away slightly, and Joel was quick to catch your face in his hands. "I know, darling". And of course, he knew. He saw the bodies that were left in the snow. He saw the purple-faced male in the cell. He saw your torn clothes. The blood was all over the cell and the corridor. The smell of blood in the air was thick. So thick that he could practically taste it, and this whole time Joel was trying to keep the flame of hope burning. To keep believing that you would give them hell. That you would not yield. That you would not let them break you.

And now here you were. Bruised. Covered in cuts. With a swollen thigh. Blood all over you. Trembling. And even if the fact that you were breathing was supposed to be enough, Joel couldn't help but feel the need to butcher every single breathing creature in this building. "I tried to be strong", you croaked out, right as your legs gave out. Joel was quick to catch you in his arms, saying, "And now you don't have to because I'm never letting go of you". Your eyes met his, and you knew that Joel meant every word that he said. You wanted to open your mouth. To tell him. Tell him how much you need him. And how scary it was to be there without him. But your body fully shuts down.

Joel quickly shrugged off his jacket before he wrapped it tightly around your body, reaching to lift you into his arms. "That's it. You'll be okay", he mumbled against your hair before carefully stepping out of the room. There and then, Joel realized one thing. One truth that he tried to ignore for so long. When you love someone, you have no control. You are powerless against all the feelings in your body. And if you truly want to love, you have to let that feeling wash over you.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

TLOU taglist: @theslytherinwriter @daddysfavoritesexkitten @randomstory56 @woofgocows @ohthemisssery

#joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller x you #the last of us imagine #the last of us x reader #tlou x reader #tlou imagine #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller

480 notes · View notes

ashdash2417 · 4 months

Text

K, y’all. Can we talk about the abandonment issues Uzi may have?

(The info I’m about to share is just my thoughts on all this. I could be right on some parts, and I could be wrong. Again, I’m just sharing what I think based on stuff we’ve seen from the series. Anyways.)

What inspired me to make this was this very moment right here.

“Are you like, gonna leave me?”

You can tell by her voice that she was scared. Scared that the only friend she’s ever had, the only friend that she’s made her whole life was going to leave her, and it certainly didn’t help that N and V got along well with the other students. Doing some activities together, having fun, playing around and stuff.

I think seeing this, this was the starting point of that fear in this episode. (I’m a little certain that in general, this may go back as early as the first episode, but I’ll talk about that in a bit.)

Here’s that fear she shows after investigating a little bit in the cabin, watching her closest friend get along and interacting with her classmates, despite having been a literal killing machine. And to add salt to the wound, he did so in such a short time. Something that she herself has never really accomplished the whole time she’s been in school.

Some jealousy may also be shown because of this, as she was talking to V, who was also doing well interacting with her classmates.

“Just.. so glad you guys fit right in. Suuuper cool.”

As we all know, Uzi certainly isn’t the most popular girl in school (which btw… relatable imo). In fact, Rebecca had said that she was “super unpopular” when she (well, the top half of her anyways, hehe) reunited with a few drones, whom I’m assuming are her friends.

Uzi doesn’t fit in. She’s like an outcast to her classmates. The “freak” of the bunch. She stands out from the rest of them.

“… You freak us out.”

“But mostly bite me!”

(I’m sorry, I wanted to include that second part here, whether it was relevant or not pfbt. Anyways.)

And it’s not just her classmates that practically outcasted her. Hell, her own father left her to be murdered by the same kind of drone that took away his wife (well, technically, the same kind of drone that struck her with nanite acid, leading to him putting her out of her misery, according to himself from the pilot, but anyways). Now, he may have been too terrified to take action and save his own daughter, possibly reliving the trauma of what happened to Nori. He probably couldn’t fathom having to do the same thing he did to his wife to Uzi. But it still does not justify leaving her, his own daughter, for dead. That is a really shitty dad move there, Khan.

(Or I could be overthinking on that part, and Khan could just be a really shitty father, but anyways)

The way Uzi may have taken it, was that he prioritized his precious doors over her. Having put up more doors to keep himself, and everyone else in the bunker, safe from drones like N. She wasn’t important enough to be saved at the moment she needed him most. Her father- the one who’s supposed to have her back, no matter what happened, the one who’s supposed to protect her whenever things go from bad to worse- had left her to be killed by a murder drone. (Possibly, I’m just spitballin here)

Once this happened, Uzi now has no one she can really trust to stick with her, no one she can rely on for support. She has no friends, barely has family; her father isn’t much like a father to her at all, let’s be honest.

(I would say Thad is the only one she kinda had, but if I remember correctly, they barely knew each other to be considered close friends in the pilot. The only reason Thad knew Uzi (or knew of Uzi) was because she’s Khan’s daughter. That was it.)

(Another thing I wanna add is how neglectful as a father Khan has been, even before the pilot. Hell, the posters that we see can speak volumes of how their relationship is. Not to mention he’s never really spent much (if any) quality time with her, too busy focusing on his obsession with doors.)

(One more thing to add: remember when Uzi told Thad one of the reasons she made her sick as hell railgun was to earn her father’s respect? …That’s just another point I wanna make about the infamous Doorman and how well he’s raised his daughter.) :)

So yeah, Uzi never really had anyone close to her in her life, meaning that she didn’t have anyone to trust, either.

Until this goober shows up.

(Or more like, he was about to kill her until she blew his head off, but that’s not the point.)

Of course, we all know they didn’t become best friends right away. Because he’s a disassembly drone, and she’s a worker drone, and… yeah.

If it wasn’t for Khan backing away from the fight and closing the door on Uzi, Uzi probably would’ve been dead right then and there. N probably would’ve killed her and everyone else without much of a second thought. However!

Considering how he told Uzi about V and J, he didn’t have the best relationship with either of them. (his crush on V seemed one-sided, at least in that flashback where V’s character was introduced? And J just straight up insulting him while stepping on him, and talking about how she’d kill him if she were allowed to.) He didn’t seem to have anyone to consider a friend either, at least mutually. For the longest time, it was just N, V, and J, doing their jobs, working together on killing the worker drones and such.

Then, what Uzi said to him about how the company treats the drones had created some doubts. N never questioned JCJenson and their motives until Uzi came along. And because of that, he almost died via a virus put in by J.

Then, after Uzi saves him from dying, and after they both stop V and J from killing the worker drones, N still stood by her side. N has never given her a reason not to trust him after that. He’s been with her the whole time after Uzi banished herself, and he’s never left her like the other drones have.

I’m thinking, after Uzi had banished herself from the colony, N could have left her on her own, he could’ve refused to let her go with him and V back to the landing pod, but he didn’t. (Not only because Uzi had encouraged him to look at the bigger picture, so to speak, but it also would’ve been out of character for N of all people (or robots in this case lol) to just deny her of joining the squad. He’s such a goddamn softy, let’s be real here.)

(Also, I wanna point out that from N’s perspective, she was the one who encouraged him to become an “angsty, rebellious disassembly drone” in the first place. If it wasn’t for her, he would never even question why they’re killing worker drones to begin with (other than to consume the oil for survival, of course). If it wasn’t for her, he’d still be out murdering. She was the one who respected him more than V or J ever did combined. (Well, in V’s case, this would be after her memories became messed up anyways. She did seem to like him when they were worker drones themselves.))

So yeah, this whole time, N has been the only one Uzi had ever really had throughout the series. N has been the only one that didn’t treat her like a freak, nor had insulted or threatened her in any way (lookin at you, V!). And most importantly, he was the only one that never left her at all. He stood by her side, he had her back, and she had his, and they stuck together, especially through the scary stuff.

So going back to episode 4, that was the first time since they’ve met that they were really separated. And the one time they weren’t with each other, Uzi had taken her solver form for the first time, and had killed her own classmates as a result.

Had N been with her while she was investigating stuff, chances of Uzi taking her solver form happening probably would’ve been really low.

Hell, this whole thing probably happened because she was alone, because nobody was with her, and she didn’t want to be left alone again, and she was scared that she was going to be left alone again after seeing N interact with the other students!

TLDR: Uzi probably has abandonment issues, and was scared the only friend she has was going to leave her like everyone else had in her life.

I wanted to make a long rant about this because it’s been on my mind off and on for a while, especially after hearing Uzi’s voice when she asks N if he’s going to leave her (god that really hurts!), and as sucky as I am with words, I wanted to try anyways. Hope y’all enjoyed. 😁😅 (and now to end this on a lil lighter note, here’s an image of a robot huggy)

54 notes · View notes

jedineedlove · 9 months

Text

Sun Wukong A Bad Mentor??

I wanted to make this post so I could place my opinions on this topic. I know many people have already posted about this a lot before but I just wanted to say this and make my points. It a bit wordy just to be warned.

Many people see Wukong as a bad mentor because of the LBD arch. Where he left MK and went on his "vacation." But we the viewer have seen that wasn't the case. He did not sit back and relax as MK protected the city. Wukong was on a major task of researching Lady Bone Demon, this is something he has done before in the Journey to the West. He finds what he can about his opponent and uses what he finds as a way to predict their movements. He was playing smarter, not stronger. When LBD showed Wukong her predictions she showed him MK being burned and the world destroyed. This made Wukong doubt himself and his power as we see in Season 4 he states the original reason he sought out immortality and more strength was to be able to protect and he lost his way.

This is similar he may have gone about communicating it to MK the wrong way but he did not do this for selfish reasons he did it for the sole purpose of protecting MK. The LBD's powers stem from fear, when that scene of MK burning was shown to WUkong it shows that his fear was losing MK. Remember Mk has not been learning long and these are complex powers that take a long amount of training. Wukong training with Mk would know where Monkie Kid's limit would be. He knew the kid would not be able to handle a Demon of this magnitude.

Yes, he let MK handle DBK alone but he was a small fry compared to LBD. DBK was a villain that was making some smaller plans unlike LBD she was a calculating mind that had A plan that was years in the making. She was one that had more brain than brawn and that's what made her different than the others. Wukong knows this having faced all these guys before. MK having Wukong power means he can out-brawn them but the kid would not know the mental mind games LBD would be playing.

With his student's life pretty much threatened by a powerful demon that was mentally crazy. Wukong distances himself from MK. MK the ball of sunshine that wants to help and wants to keep proving himself Wukong would know that if MK knew about this mission he would want to join. If Wukong refused him then MK might feel like he doesn't trust him. If Wukong just left MK after denying him MK might have tried to follow Wukong and get into trouble. Acting goofy about the whole thing was most likely meant to reassure MK that everything was okay. He did all that while on the inside he was stressing out and panicking about what could be.

Wukong is seen doing that a lot reassuring MK that MK can do anything and that everything is alright. Something a lot of adults try to do for children. Wukong has proven time and time again to be a protective and encouraging mentor. Trying to lift MKs sprites does he do a perfect job no and can you blame him the last human contact he had was hundreds of years ago. But he tries and he has been trying.

The things Wukong has done to be a better mentor like when he went on stage to please MK neglecting his own boundaries for the kid. He watches over MK during some of his fights and steps in when he needs with sage advice.

If Wukong always stepped in then MK would never be able to gain the self-confidence he needed. Mk also would never learn from his mistakes. Wukong made many mistakes in the past and the consequence only showed up years too late. When Wukong faced punishment what he did was set in stone for those around him it was already too late to take anything back. But with MK facing things he fixed his mistakes faster than Wukong got to do in his youth.

Wukongs enemies have seen a lot of Wukong in MK and who's to say Wukong doesn't see that too. With years of reflection and learning from mistakes. He wants to clearly set MK on the right path. He wants to give MK the lessons he wishes others taught him before he made his mistakes. He want to be the master that his were not for him. Understanding, supportive, and encouraging. Instead of degrading and pounding his spirit to the ground with golden fillets and harsh words, but to lead him down the right path with words of advice to listen to. He wanted to give MK the one thing he didn't have someone that understood, the struggle of being a hero, the pedestal that a hero can never seem to step down from, the self-doubt the two of them are a lot alike that gives each of them kinship.

We all seem to forget that the world is not black and white and in the LMK universe, we don't actually have the full story. This Wukong is very different from the Wukong in the books. Things that happened in the book did not happen here, things that happened here did not in the book.

So many condemn Wukong for so much. Saying things like if Wukong had just dealt with the villains in the past then Mk wouldn't be dealing with them now. To you sure but you must remember he traveled with the pacifist Tripitaka. During the journey, he condemn violence including those that would save his life or stop the destruction. TRIPITAKA, THIS IS THE MAN THAT DECIDED TO SEAL LBD INSTEAD OF GETTING RID OF HER BELIEVING THAT SHE COULD BE REDEEMED! And in the book if you do want to go off of it. many of the demons were former apprentices or pets, or animals that belong to or with gods, goddesses, sages, etc. Many of them were spared because of who they were.

We have to watch and listen again look at the expression hear the tone in the voice, read the atmosphere. Please remember to see things through others' eyes before you judge before you condemn. I'm not saying he's a saint I'm saying you can't heal a wound when it is repeatedly stabbed open again and again. By living in the past there is no bright future. For a brighter future for Wukong AND the others, we need to live in the here and now and look to the future.

Thank you for reading.

#sun wukong #jttw #lmk wukong #lego monkie kid #fan thoughts #lmk mk #monkie kid #monkey king #Sun Wukong has feelings #Sun Wukong Mentor #Sun Wukong is Trying #Mk Training

65 notes · View notes

undiscovered-horizon · 1 year

Text

"Gilded Cage" - Dark!Morpheus x Reader [TW: dark themes (referenced depression and suicide), obsessive behaviour, explicit language, glorifying captivity?, cringy lines]

[Next part: 'Silvered Perch']

SUMMARY: Your unhappiness seeps into your dreams. The pain in them piques Morpheus's interest. From the very first moment he sees you, he knows what he has to do, regardless of the price. A queen, after all, ought not to have a single hair fall from her head.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 2.3k

This story began when I fell asleep There was a mysterious ache inside me All my faults and thoughts buried deep And in this world, I was nothing and everything A lost soul with too many secrets to keep Looking at the bright streets beneath I was wandering the edge of universe yet I couldn’t leap The cold breeze wrapped around me The Moon and the stars silent as I weep I became the brass and the gold, an abyss and a god L’appel du vide

Your dreams were like an itch he couldn't scratch, a speck of dust he couldn't get out of his eye; always in the back of his head, a shadow dancing at the edge of his vision. Had they been in any way pleasant, he wouldn't mind them as much - God knew how much he needed something pleasant in his otherwise bleak life. But they weren't anywhere close to "nice". The darkness residing in your dreams bothered him to no end, never quite letting him go like a blister that is scratched open with each painful step. Strangely enough, such a course of events was completely foreign to Morpheus - people's dreams and nightmares never stuck to him for longer than the fraction of a second between an exhale and an inhale.

At first, he feared he became privy to the first tremor of a shattering earthquake, that your misery was an omen of something much darker and sinister. Fearing for the well-being of his realm, Morpheus followed your dreams to venture into the Waking World and find you. Honestly, he was expecting to uncover a true calamity but he never did see it - at least not in the form he had thought.

What he saw was, in fact, a lot worse. All calamities have a source, the eye of the storm, but this one clearly didn't. It would all be very bitterly funny if it wasn't so heartbreaking - how everything you touched ended in pain and loneliness, rarely because of you at that. Your frustrations quickly became his own. Watching you go through every day like you were screaming at the world to let you be happy, to let you have something good for a second, but the entirety of creation was separated from you by a glass wall: you could only watch and weep. Were you cursed or hexed? No, he would have noticed something of that sort. Then what was it? What unnamed sorcery made you the scapegoat of humanity?

He once spent an entire night standing under your window like Romeo admiring Juliet. For hours on end, you were sitting with your face against the cold glass, eyes forever watching the moon travel across the black sky. Your tears slowly rolled down your cheeks as your vacant stare begged the universe for an explanation of its injustice. It pained Morpheus how beautiful and tragic you looked. Perhaps you truly weren't of this world? Would you not find your place in a baroque painting? Part of him wished he could paint that heartbreaking view. Not for his selfish pleasure, no, but for the whole world to be reminded of its barbarity until Judgment Day.

And Morpheus simply stood there until sun rays chased the world's dreams and nightmares away. He wasn't quite sure why he remained a watcher for the entire night. Maybe you appeared so distraught and fragile he feared that the moment he looks away the sunless abyss of secrets unspoken will devour you; that if he left his post there would be nothing tying you to this realm.

A lot has changed because of that night but mostly Morpheus himself had undergone some kind of transformation - he became quieter if that was ever possible and more irritable. He would pace around the throne room, clearly thinking intensely about something but never revealing what it was. And with time, he began to neglect his royal duties, disappearing for hours if not days on end, only to come back and refuse to give any explanation.

Little did you know that he was always there like a guardian angel that never abandoned its duty despite being exiled from heaven; hiding around corners as though he was a mere delusion that lingered on the edges of your vision. Wherever you went, he followed, often leaving pain and terror behind. Things started becoming weirder around you in the sense that people would fall to strange ailments or spiral into madness. Some never woke up, while others went for days without sleep. A snarky acquaintance did everything they could to not fall asleep in fear of the nightmares that awaited them. A cynical relative lost their mind and claimed that horrendous creatures from their night terrors trespassed into reality. Perhaps it was crude to say so but you felt a sense of relief at those tragedies: people too busy with their microapocalypses were too busy to add nails to your coffin, too preoccupied with themselves to put you on the receiving end of their wickedness.

But to Morpheus's terror, his tricks and punishments were not enough to aid your woe. They were merely temporary solutions like putting a bandaid over a stab wound. His anger only grew as the universe laughed in his face and continued its merciless quest for maintaining your unhappiness. Morpheus was forced to watch you being stuck in a cruel cycle of perpetual misfortunes and how you'd cry yourself to sleep only to somehow get out of bed in the morning and carried on, day by day. You were akin to Atlas but Atlas only carried the globe, not the peskiness of the cosmos like you did.

The streetlights lit brightly underneath you. Cars and motorbikes sped through the labyrinth of streets as if chasing time itself. Someone was walking their dog, a man was going home after his shift, a couple chatted happily while walking to a restaurant. They were each in their own microcosms, moving to the rhythm of life. All, except you. How could everyone simply live on, find balance and happiness in their unchanged daily bread? Was there something you missed? A secret you were never told? Or, perhaps, the answer was a lot simpler: you didn't deserve contentment. The fact that you came into this world was nothing more but a slip-up, a stumbling step taken while the person blinks.

You looked at the people filling the streets beneath you. From the distance, they were all so small, unimportant, cold. They never looked up to the tops of buildings, never acknowledged the acrobatics of someone struggling to cling to life. Even if they did, they probably wouldn't care - your hypothetical death was, after all, none of their business. Standing on the rooftop, you were no longer part of the same plane as them. Perhaps, you never truly were. Is that what birds saw as they flew over your head?

The rooftop was so high and the street so low... Would it hurt to fall? And the falling, would it take long? Lying on the cold cobblestone, your hot blood warming the otherwise cold world, how would this starry sky look? Would this rooftop look as faraway then as the street looked now? Would the pavement feel rigid and uncomfortable under your broken bones?

But, maybe, you had the strength to try one last time before taking that path. You looked up at the starry firmament and let out a sigh before speaking quietly. "Hey," you called out to the night sky, "if there's anyone out there, and I highly doubt that, can you help me a little? Life's a bitch, you know? I just... I just need a win. Something good, no matter how small, so I don't feel like my entire existence is pointless if not a burden. But if there really is someone out there, you're probably busy anyway. I mean, there's more important work to do than answer my whining, right? Wars to end, cancers to heal... But if you have a spare second, maybe you could give me something good. Or kill me, I don't care anymore."

"I have listened to your prayer and I heard your suffering."

Surprised and confused, you turned around to look at the stranger. He was tall and lanky, with dishevelled hair and a cold look in his eyes. In some strange and fascinating way, he did not look real but rather like a scribble that came to life; like a raven if it was reborn as a human.

"Who are you?"

"I am Morpheus, Lord of the Dreams," he slowly spoke in a low tone. "I came to answer your call."

As strange as it was to admit it, that was the truth: for the first time in your life, somebody answered your prayer. "I'm sorry, I didn't actually think this would work. I'm not much of a believer."

"And yet I came. Why did you call?"

No words left you at first. A shattering, painful tremble clawed through your body as that gaping hole in your chest was reponed. This sadness... it felt like being stabbed; like your body was so numb in its agony that you couldn't breathe. The full moon's silver light glistened in your tears as if it wasn't you weeping but the stars.

"I am violently unhappy," you confessed.

You didn't see it but Morpheus clenched his fist for a moment, which was more than strange - after all, he knew about your misery beforehand. Perhaps it was your admittance, irrefutable proof of your awareness of the injustice bestowed upon you, that gnawed at him. "Why is that?" he asked as calmly as he could.

"God, where do I even begin... It feels like everyone around me has something I don't like a love song only I can't hear. There's something wrong with me, I wasn't meant to be born into this world. I don't belong here. Nothing I do has any value, I can't keep up with the rest. You try and you try and it's never enough. No matter what you do or how. No one cares about your pain until it somehow involves them. I'm just so... tired."

"They will never stop disappointing you," he said as he walked towards you. Whether it was his own belief or merely something you wanted to hear, didn't matter. For Morpheus, it was one and the same.

"Every day I wake up to a web of human lives I've been woven into against my will, fulfil meaningless duties no one likes and yet everyone follows. Then I come back home to rest only for this pointless cycle to begin again in the morning. And I can't help but wonder if there is no third act where I'm someone special? Where I matter? Is this bland suffering all there is?"

"No," he spoke barely above a breath. "There is much, much more to this world. I could free you from this life."

"Free me?" you asked with a dry scoff. "I am as free as one can be: I love nothing and I'm loved by no one."

Morpheus, however, was a steadfast person and that annoying affliction only grew in strength the longer he was in your vicinity as if your presence was gradually gnawing at his sanity. It was an exchange he'd welcome more than warmly: his reason for your companionship. "You could be the pinnacle of my desire, the anger that forces my hand. All that breaks your heart will have to beg for my forgiveness. There shall be no day when all of my existence does not belong to you. I will bleed out just to quench your thirst." He took another step towards you, his face leaning in so close your noses were almost brushing. "If you do not wish for this freedom, let me imprison you." Then, in a wavering voice, he added: "Please."

His offer made your heart nearly jump out of your chest but you knew better than to immediately agree - he didn't deserve such a burden. Feeling shame and disgust with yourself, you looked away from him. "You will change your mind the moment you get to know me. I'm nothing interesting or worth loving."

Morpheus lifted his hand to your face. His index finger anxiously brushed against your cheeks as if you really were a baroque painting that he defiled with his undeserving touch. Morpheus spoke ever so quietly: "Had I whispered your name to Moses, the whole world would watch God's chosen discard the first commandment."

"Sounds blasphemous," you answered equally quietly. When your breath brushed against his cold skin, a shiver run down his spine. Perhaps if he could fill his lungs with your breath he would never feel sorrow ever again.

"Not to the goddess I worship." His blue eyes, the colour of a raging sea, stared into yours. There was so much he wished to say, unspoken confessions that would embarrass poets but he had a lot of time - all of eternity, in fact.

"Where will you take me?"

Dream's hand gently fell from your face to your own palm. Temptingly, his finger wrapped around yours. "To Dreaming - your new kingdom, my queen."

And from that day on, you never looked back. Never once did the faraway streetlamps visit your thoughts. There was only him: the eldritch king that fell to his knees begging for your affection that you so happily granted. Your desires became his, your pleasure his joy and your discomfort his anger. If he could tear himself apart, he would hand-feed you the pieces that were once him.

It was strange - how comfortable imprisonment could be, to be forever tied to someone. After all, aren't trees prisoners of their roots? And yet should they struggle free, they would fall straight away and die of thirst.

Were you not a bird of paradise? Sitting on a perch in a gilded cage only because someone liked your feathers or your song. All the comforts you were given, wishes that he granted, just so you stay the canary that sings his loneliness away. And like a bird, you were released from your cage only to be imprisoned by the confines of Dream's home. The bird, however, rejoices! For it never knew such freedom.

390 notes · View notes

dana-chan-the-control-brain · 1 year

Photo

The last interaction Dib has with his father for years.

Things said... things unsaid...

Sometimes... you just need to let them know, the things you hold onto.

An echo return of past conversations

Part of the Post Florpus AU in the somewhat distant future.

Dib and Zim leave for college or something, I don’t know.

This comic is ooooooooooold. Like around two years old. I shared an preview update on my Kofi and shared with a few people in discord servers for awhile, but I never posted it publicly.

Part of the reason I held onto it for such a long time: (personal long ramblings under the cut and talk about my grief experiences.)

....was partly because I felt without context for the overall series huge chunks missing about Dib’s character development in Post Florpus and what I have planned, it would have come across as a shallow thing... Dib forgiving his Dad for being a neglectful father or something akin to that and I feared the protentional backlash something like this could have among the Invader Zim community. Since people who connect personally with that show typically all have their own issues regarding their parents. (not always but I see it very often)

And I changed the dialogue of what Dib said to his father over several times. Like “I love you” “I forgive you....” but it didn’t seem appropriate to me. Nothing felt right other than telling him that He’s proud of him in the same way that Membrane told Dib in Enter the Florpus.

And no, Dib doesn’t forgive his Dad for having a shitty neglectful childhood. Cause he was, a terrible parent, but Dib can acknowledge that his Dad is getting better... and working to improve... and knows his Dad loves him... but he also can establish boundaries and set his distance... this is the last thing Dib basically says to Membrane before he cuts him out of his life temporarily when he goes to University.

And it very personally echos the relationship that I had with my Father and Mother. There was a huge period of time where I hated my father after he passed away. For how distant he was in his parenting style and how much he left my controlling Mom to do everything. When he passed away I felt like my Mom was tighter with a leash on me, and it took a long time and therapy on both of our ends to have a healthy relationship with good boundaries.

I’m on real good terms with my Mom now and I can’t imagine a time where it was ever tense between us, and she’s really a different person then the one I grew up with. Heck, even Mom from seven years ago is a different person and was way were then. I’m glad that I can call my Mom my friend too.

I know it doesn’t always work out that way in real life for some people.... but this AU is extremely personal to me, and I like to write about my displacement in my family since my Dad died, and what happened over the years as we coped with that.

Post Florpus AU stemed from me being emotional about ETF due to my grief of losing my father and my own personal experiences with my family just struck the right chord at the right time in 2019. And that has never changed.

I drew this two years ago angry at the time... thinking that there were many things I wanted to tell my Dad. How he could have been there for Mom more when me and my sister were struggling with heavy bullying in school, how Dad could have took on more responsibilities when my Mom tried to go back to college. And how I still wanted him here.... but in retrospect, he did the best he could do at the time, knowing what he knew... as an undiagnosed autistic and everything else....

Like there’s no forgiveness of his favoritism of one child over the other and how he left Mom to do all the parenting. But I feel if he was alive in our family unit today, we’d all have a healthier family dynamic and balance. People can always change, and change every day and I personally don’t hold onto memories of people when I know every five years someone can be reborn. But the effort always needs to be there.

I don’t know. I’m rambling.

In any case, I just kept this under my belt for so long because I was worried of public perception and worrying people might judge me for “Forgiving shitty dads” or something...

Sorry to break it to you... but in this AU everyone does get better. Dib doesn’t even need to be in contact with his Dad, and he won’t for a long while until he matures more.

Forgiveness is a choice on the Membrane Sibling’s part, and sometimes, in this case... it isn’t needed. Membrane himself doesn’t even want forgiveness for his shitty parenting in the past. He just wishes for his children to grow up happy and healthy, and if they want to stay in contact with him, great, but he won’t force himself when he’s not wanted. It’s a delicate balance.... He’s not forgiven exactly, but the Siblings appreciate the effort... and they like who he is now, rather than who he was... but it will take a long time before they can have a proper adult child and parent relationship. Baby steps.

TLDR: My au. My rules. Membrane Trying juice.

#Invader Zim #Post Florpus Au #danachan's art #Professor Membrane #Dib Membrane #Gaz Membrane #GIR #MiniMoose

198 notes · View notes

gojoest · 3 months

Note

I have so many thoughts about creep! bf gojo. Mainly bc he probably didn't get a lot of normal interactions as a kid, either he was being praised for being 'the chosen one' or left completely to his own devices. and so his sense of decency and normalcy are skewed so far off. He does what he wants and can't see the reason why that would be seen negatively, he loves you and he's clingy n e way, creep! bf gojo steals your underwear 100% -🦅

oh god….you really know your way to get to me, don’t you………..bc yes. yes, you are so correct . oh my god. i’ve talked about this before here and there but yes. i think satoru was very neglected growing up despite being born as a boy with a spark incomparable to any other, a special boy. the first descendant in the gojo clan in 400 years to inherit both limitless & six eyes.

and i think, even when he was little, a lot of people feared him bc of that. and naturally, the care and affection people usually show to a child provoked by the internal need to protect such a small being, that very sense to love and shield what needs to be loved and shielded, dulled before the eyes of fear. this, and the envy of prying eyes and all who wanted him gone before he fully blossomed into something bigger, sow the seeds of loneliness in him. he was an outcast, and not because he was looked down on but because he was looked up on, too much at that.

i don’t think he was ever truly loved, even by his parents actually. maybe they loved him to some extent. but not because he was their blood and a beloved symbol of their love. what made their chest swell was rather pride than love. and they were not proud of him, they were proud of themselves for bringing such a special boy to existence.

i don’t believe he was ever genuinely looked after and cared for. what people around him looked after was the shell of a boy that carried the innate techniques derived from the gojo clan. nobody knew what his favorite color was, what his favorite food was, what he loved doing outside of training sessions. i don’t think he knew himself tbf bc it’s hard to shape your own understanding of the world and what’s precious while growing up when you’ve never witnessed it with your own eyes, when no one has ever shown it to you what it means to love and favor something. bc children take inspiration from those around them. and i don’t think he had anyone around him to look up to and be inspired from.

i remember reading a post connecting the lack of presence in the sense of support and source of inspiration in satoru’s life to how it affected the way he carries himself later in life in the sense of, let’s say, fashion. i don’t remember the url of the op i am so sorry but god damn, they were so right. bc if you look closely you will notice that most characters in jjk have their own style, a specific physical trait unique only to them, whether a hairstyle or a fashion sense or whatever. but saotur? except for the blindfold, he’s got nothing. right? and the blindfold he wears is not for the sake of being eccentric or unique, it’s not for the sake of creating a trademark on his end. it once again comes down to his technique.

so yea for someone like satoru, who’s never had a normal human connection in his life before, love is very likely to border with obsession. and like, i don’t think he is completely unaware of the feeling “love” but it’s one thing to know of it through books, movies or whatsoever and another to live and actually experience it firsthand. so when he loves, it’s raw, it’s inexperienced, it’s limitless (hehe see what i did there). there is no moral compass, there is no stop sign for him—he’s going to be weird. he’s going to cross certain boundaries. he’s going to disregard your personal space. but it’s not because he’s an actual sick freak just for the sake of it, it’s because he loves you with all the pent up loneliness in him and now that he’s tasted love and knows how good it feels, he doesn’t want to lose it.

p.s.: yes, he’s a pathological panty stealer

#[ ai—mail ]#im sorry this got so long ksajdfkskjd

17 notes · View notes

sophierequests · 2 years

Note

Hi!! I really love your writing and I wanted to request something!!

(I’m sorry if my English isn’t that good, it’s not my first language)

Kaz Brekker x reader, where the reader is best friends with Wylan and Jesper. And they love to talk about how Jesper and Wylan always go on a date or something when it’s their anniversary

And Kaz overhears these conversations and feels bad because he can’t really do anything with the reader on their anniversary, because their relationship is still a secret

The fic should be a Hurt/Comfort please! Thank you so much!!

you always turn my head around

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Requests

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x gn!Reader

A/N: AHHH THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD REQUEST THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so sorry that this is so long, I just added so much hurt that I completely neglected the comfort part. Also thank you for the compliment!! And btw, don't apologize for your English, I'm not a native speaker either, so we're all in the same boat! ^^ I hope you like this!

Summary: Being best friends with a lovey-dovey couple is hard. Especially if your relationship has to be kept a secret and your partner isn't really too fond of touch. Can love be stronger than guilt?

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 4.2K (I'M SO SORRY TO WHOEVER REQUESTED THIS)

Warnings: mention of touch aversion, vomiting, nausea, self-deprecating humour and thoughts

Kaz truly did hate himself sometimes. He hated the way he turned out to be. Cold and ruthless, a criminal and even a killer. Loved or even liked by few, hated and targeted by many. He hated the way he had to shy away from physical touch. How he felt the bile rise up in his throat when people touched him longer than a few seconds, no matter who the person touching him was.

He hated how his traits affected the people around him, the people he loved. How he couldn’t openly talk about your relationship, not even with the people he considered friends, for fear of you being killed. How he couldn’t hold your hand in public or even in private. He hated the destruction he caused.

He loved you. He truly did. It took him almost three weeks to process your words when you first told him about your feelings. Even though you were aware from the beginning, that the relationship had to be a secret, for your own sake, you still stayed. Unmoving and always respectful of his boundaries.

You didn’t leave him, no matter how hard it was to only be able to love him behind closed doors. Kaz often wondered why you haven’t already left him. He was aware that you could find anyone better than him. But you didn’t.

It wasn’t easy to be with Kaz sometimes. Loving him was easy. Hiding said love was not. You knew that he tried his best to show the missed lacking physical affection through other ways. Leaving hidden gifts in your room, late-night talks in his office and other affectionate gestures were things you were completely fine with. He even tried to work on his touch aversion for and with you, but you’d never expect anything that he wasn’t comfortable with.

Hiding your relationship from the outside sadly also included people you considered friends. None of the Crows knew about the two of you, Kaz made sure to shut down every rumour before they even formed. Conversations like these did hurt. A lot. He never meant what he said to the others. But the fact that he was capable of just denying every tender moment the two of you shared pained you immensely.

It didn’t really help that most of the other Crows could just freely display their affection. Nina and Matthias never had to hide when they kissed or whispered sweet nothing's to each other. They never had to outrightly deny their affection for the other. They didn’t need to worry about their relationship being the next target for Ketterdam’s scum.

It also wasn’t ideal, that your best friends, Jesper and Wylan, never seemed to keep their hands off each other. They were the ideal couple, showering each other with affection, always trying out new ideas for dates, and just being comfortable with their relationship.

Even though, you often felt envious of their relationship, you were always excited to listen to them gushing about their cute little dates.

Today was one of these dates. The three of you were sitting in a booth at the Crow Club, talking and laughing, just like old times. And there was a good enough reason to do so: The two recently celebrated their three-year anniversary, and of course, Jes went all out.

“First, we went to his father’s farm, you have no clue how weird it was to meet him again, after officially being in a relationship with his son.” Wylan chuckled, a slight flush appearing on his cheek, whilst retelling the story. None of you were sure whether it was because of the alcohol or the memories.

“Oh Wylan, Colm is an angel! I doubt that you, of all people, have any reason to be scared of him.” you chimed in, thinking back to the first time when you met the red-haired farmer.

“That’s what I’ve been saying the whole time! I think that he even enjoyed his presence more than mine!” Jesper called out dramatically, leaning in closer to his boyfriend.

The three of you laughed, both Wylan and you shooting a playful apologetic expression at the Zemeni boy.

Your laughter also alerted another person of your presence.

Kaz had made his way down from his office and was immediately greeted by hearing your voice. At first, he was glad to see you happy, laughing and having fun. He was constantly surprised by the positive attitude you kept up. It seemed to be only a matter of time, until the ugly dullness of the Barrel sucked all the life out of you. It never did.

But once he saw the dynamic you were in, his mood darkened. He knew exactly what was going on, already dreading the guilty feeling creeping up on him. Against his better judgement, he decided to listen in on the conversation, settling down at the bar and ordering a drink.

“After meeting up with his dad, who is an awesome baker by the way, he showed me where he grew up.” Wylan mused happily.

“In great detail.” Jesper added smugly, earning a jab in the ribs from Wylan.

“Gross.” you commented, rolling your eyes playfully.

Kaz cringed, knowing exactly what they were talking about. Their anniversary. He had generously given them extra time to celebrate it. Not on his own accord. You had to convince him. But he still did it with more or less no complaints.

He had thought about your own anniversaries. All of them spent in the solitude of his office, talking and drinking. They were enjoyable, but he always had the feeling that it just wasn’t enough. You never complained, sometimes even saying that you couldn’t accept the gifts he neatly presented you. But it just felt wrong. Just because this sort of arrangement was the most suitable for him, didn’t mean that it was what you deserved.

The conversation between the three of you kept on going, the two lovebirds talking about visiting family, having a picnic beneath the shining night sky, and so many more affectionate memories they could look back on.

The man at the bar listened to every word. He caught your longing glances, yearning for a similar life, and it made Kaz sick. As mundane as this sort of life may seemed to him, secretly, it was one of the few things he wanted to be able to offer you.

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t go back to his parents’ farm, back to Lij. He couldn’t introduce you to his parents, seeing you get all nervous in hopes of making a good impression. He couldn’t just take you to some desolate place to watch the stars, hands intertwined and only needing the other's presence. He couldn’t even take you on a date in Ketterdam, in fear of you being Pekka’s next target.

After his third shot, he stopped listening, remaining seated until he felt a familiar, comforting presence on the bar stool next to his.

“Hi, I didn’t see you coming down, you could have joined us, if you wanted.” you whispered lowly, a small smile on your lips.

He didn’t respond, only nodding in response. You were used to this type of response, but you didn’t mind it much.

What you did, however, mind, was him standing up after finishing his last shot, giving you another quick nod, and wordlessly striding back to his office.

On other occasions, you might’ve been inclined to follow him. But after hearing your friends gush about their lovingly tender relationship, you just didn’t feel like running after him.

He would come around eventually.

Is what you told yourself.

The exact opposite happened. Over the next few weeks, Kaz got more and more distanced. He wasn’t ignoring you, but there was definitely something going on. You weren’t able to get anything out of him that would have helped you to solve the enigma that was Kaz’s mind.

Even a few days before your own anniversary, his behaviour didn’t seem to budge. At this point, you weren’t even sure, if he’d like to celebrate it. You felt like a little child, desperately chasing after an unreachable crush.

Kaz on the other hand, was utterly and completely helpless. He wanted to do something for you. Something special. But sadly, this wasn’t like cracking a lock or stealing a man’s wallet. He couldn’t rely on only his own skills, but he had no other choice than to do so. He couldn’t ask the Crows for help, but neither could he ask you. He was locked in an eternal limbo of self-doubt, anxiety and utter desperation.

“Y/N, look! Wylan brought me flowers!” was the first thing he heard, when he walked down to the kitchen area, where you were currently sitting, “My favourite flowers!”

Kaz halted in the corridor, again, only eavesdropping from a fair distance.

He thought about your favourite flower. Did he actually know what your favourite flower was?

“You two are so cute, guys. Is there any reason for the flowers?” you asked, hoping to not have forgotten any important dates.

“Yes, there was.” Wylan answered, “Every day is a good enough reason to bring my boyfriend flowers.”

Jesper and you groaned playfully, causing Wylan ‘s cheeks to flush a bright red, which was only enhanced by Jesper kissing him.

“You two are teeth-rottenly sweet, do you know that. Ugh, gross.” you joked, but Kaz knew that you didn’t mean it.

In fact, this was one of the things he’d love to do for you. That he’d instantly do for you if he was a different man under different circumstances.

“You could have that, too, if you wouldn’t have a crush on the human embodiment of a bag full of kruge.” Jesper joked, giving you an eyebrow wiggle.

You didn’t speak for a second, not knowing how to respond to that.

“Do you know something I’m not quite aware of?” you finally spoke, slightly irritated by this turn of events.

“Oh come on, love.” Kaz cringed at Jesper’s nickname for you, but even more at the uncomfortable feeling of them suspecting your romantic involvement, “We both know you have a thing for him.”

“I’m not quite sure, who you are referring to.” you answered dryly.

Wylan huffed, giving you an incredulous look.

“You so do.” he said in jest, giving Jesper a mischievous look, “Which one of us could it possibly be?”

“I do not have a crush on Kaz.” you lied, swallowing the uneasy thoughts of having to deny liking him, “And even if I would have a crush on him, it would be none of your business.”

“It is our business, Y/N.” Jesper interjected, his voice turning a bit more serious than before, “We are your friends, best ones even, and it’s so brutally obvious that you like him. We just think, that maybe you should reflect on that again.”

You furrowed your brows suspiciously, now genuinely worried about what they might have to say.

“Y/N, Kaz is not the guy to bring you your favourite flowers or take you out on dates. I doubt that he’s even the guy to be affectionate with the people he likes. We just want you to be cautious. He’s our friend too, even if he’d never admit it, we know him quite well by now.” Wylan added meekly.

“Guys, I really appreciate your concern, but I can promise you there are no romantic feelings between me and Kaz. We are just friends and that’s it. And now shush, or he might hear you and come down to break your fingers.”

With that, Kaz also decided that he heard enough, and moved on to climb the stairs to his office. He didn’t like to acknowledge it, but hearing you deny your relationship with him, also made him nauseous.

After another day of Kaz ignoring you, you decided to take matters into your own hands. You took a plate of the dinner, which he decided to skip, and excused yourself to bring it up to his office.

When you entered, you saw him sitting at his desk, flipping through stacks of paper, supposedly without any sense or reason. He looked tired, hands lightly trembling when he picked up a different page.

With a clank, you put the plate in front of him, careful to not get anything on his work. You were standing next to him expectantly, waiting for him to say or do something. But when he only sighed in response, you were close to just leaving.

“Thank you, but I am not hungry. I have work to do.” he said coldly, not even looking up to you.

“And I bet you’re not tired either, Kaz.” you disagreed, shoving the plate closer to him.

“Excellent observation, Y/N.”

“Why are you like this Kaz? You didn’t eat breakfast, you’re ignoring me and I would bet every coin currently in my pockets, that you haven’t slept a lot either.” you pressed on, voice softening, but still laced with exhaustion.

“I don’t think we should continue this.” he answered, expression suddenly completely sombre.

“I agree because I am definitely not in the mood to argue with you. I just want to know what’s going on.”

“No. I meant this.” he said, pointing a finger between the two of you.

The realisation of what he meant hit you harder than you thought.

“Kaz, you can’t be serious? Why?” was the only thing you could say, as you felt your eyes becoming glassy.

“I think we need a break.” he repeated sternly, his eyes avoiding yours, “This is not good for you. I should’ve known. It was inevitable, honestly.”

You wanted to scream, cry, do legitimately anything else than just standing there, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t and wouldn’t allow yourself to lash out at the man, who just broke up with you, without any warning or explanation.

“Is this truly what you want?” you asked, as a last attempt to save your relationship - he didn’t answer, “Alright. I don’t if you care enough to know. But if that’s your solution, then fine. Good night Kaz.”

That was the last thing you said to him, before leaving and rushing to your room. Over the chair next to your bed, hung the coat you had got him for your upcoming anniversary. It was designed with your own embroideries of crows and other little designs you liked. Now it posed as a constant reminder of your own stupidity.

Kaz also didn’t take it well. He knew that he had no right to be frustrated since he was the one breaking up with you. But he couldn’t shake the thought of the tears building up in your eyes and then you storming out of his habit, knowing that you were about to break down. The plate next to him added another layer of guilt to his conscience. He, in fact, was hungry, but he couldn’t bring himself to swallow the food, the bile rising up in his stomach stopping every attempt. He truly fucked it up this time.

So, when your anniversary came up, you decided to mingle with your friends instead of locking yourself in your room, as you actually had intended. This meant, that you spent the day with Jesper, Wylan and Inej, Matthias and Nina only occasionally joining you.

When Kaz intentionally strode past you, Inej decided to speak up.

“Where are you going?” she asked him suspiciously, cocking one of her eyebrows.

“A new collection of diamond jewellery has been stored in one of the mansions in the Financial District. I’m going to take a look at it. I’ll be back this evening.” he said curtly, making Jesper stare at him in annoyance.

“The last time you went to ‘look at something alone’ you got caught and Y/N had to save your ass. You should take someone with you.”

“Maybe Y/N would like to come with you.” Wylan added smugly, blissfully unaware of your discomfort by that suggestion, “They haven’t been in the best mood lately and a good mission would probably help them get back on track.”

This comment made you want to scream out what you were actually thinking right now, but you knew that you had no good reason to decline this offer, without coming clean about your previous relationship. So you kept quiet, hoping that Kaz would be quick to decline.

“Is that so?” Kaz asked, his face devoid of any emotions, “Alright. Y/L/N, meet me in five minutes downstairs.”

With that, Kaz limped out of the room, the steady clicking of his cane being the only thing left of his presence.

You stared at the spot, where he previously stood, in disbelief. Had he already managed to push every amount of care he had to the back of his mind? Didn’t he also feel uncomfortable?

Maybe Inej had been right all along. Kaz doesn’t say goodbye. He just lets go.

Standing up wordlessly, ignoring the wink Jesper gave you, you walked upstairs, having to change into something more fit for a mission into the Financial District. This was not how you wanted your day to go.

He was already waiting for you downstairs, impatiently fiddling with his cane. When he caught sight of you, he nodded and continued walking, without saying a word.

The two of you walked silently for a few minutes until you noticed, that you were walking in the opposite direction.

“Where are we going?” you asked, slowing down slightly.

He didn’t answer.

“This is not the way towards the Financial District, Bekker. Where are we going?”

Again, nothing.

You stopped dead in your tracks, staring daggers into his back, forcing him to turn around to face you. The look on his face clearly irritated.

“Just follow me. I know what I’m doing. Tr-” he began, being immediately cut off by your frustrated voice.

“If you ask me to trust you, I’ll leave right then and there. Your trust is worth nothing to me any more.”

“I’m not telling you where we’re going. You either follow me, or you don’t. It’s your choice.”

With a defeated groan, you moved towards him, now walking next to him. Again, without saying one word.

You walked for quite a while until you slowly seemed to pick up on where you were actually going. In mere minutes, you reached the rough, rocky coast of the Fifth Harbour. The place where the two of you met for the first time after you arrived from Ravka.

He walked towards one of the steel benches that were sloppily placed on the rocky ground, sitting down slowly. You realized that the muscles in his leg were twitching again, an indication that the pain got worse. You sat down next to him, waiting for him to say something. To explain whatever he was doing, but he just left you in silence.

“Listen…” both of you started almost simultaneously, turning around to look at each other.

“You first.” he offered.

“What a gentleman…” you mocked in response, “Kaz, I have no clue what you plan on doing, but I don’t have the patience for playing one of your mind games. Especially not today. You know exactly why.”

The man sitting next to you closed his eyes, nodding.

“I know. And I understand, that you have no reason to even be here. I just realized that I owe you an apology.” he confessed softly.

You almost wanted to laugh at that. Kaz Brekker doesn’t apologize. He never did.

“I’m sorry for how I talked to you in my office last week.”

“You mean for breaking up with me? Right before our anniversary? Right after ignoring me for no reason?” you retorted angrily, “The only thing I want from you is an explanation.”

“I heard you talking to Wylan and Jesper. In the Crow Club and that time, when Wylan got Jesper flowers.”

“Where are you going with this?”

“You deserve someone who could give you that. Someone who’s not afraid of touching you. Someone who wouldn’t make you an assassination target. Someone who isn’t me.”

Now you knew what was happening.

“It doesn’t feel right depriving you of that, Y/N. You don’t deserve this. I never stopped caring for you, and I doubt that I’ll ever will. But I can’t give you the things you need. At least not yet."

“You have no clue what I want.” you muttered, eyes fixed on the shore.

“Y/n…”

“No Kaz. You didn’t even ask me what I actually want. I don’t care about what you can’t offer. I never did. If I had fallen in love with you with the intention of being in a relationship like the one of Wylan and Jesper, that would’ve been a pretty fucking poor judge of character.” you said before he could say anything more self-deprecating, “The thing that I actually needed was you. No matter how. I knew what I was getting into when we started dating. You were always enough for me. This has always been enough. ”

Kaz sighed again, staring back at you, as if he was looking for something in the depths of your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” was the only thing he said in response, “I never intended to hurt you like this.”

“Well, it’s a bit late for that.” you chuckled.

“I suppose so.” his voice almost remorseful, “Can we…”

“Fix this?” you completed his sentence, a fresh wind of hope creeping into your chest.

“Yes. Fix this. Fix us.”

“Do you want this?” you asked, scooting slightly closer to him, still giving him enough space to feel comfortable.

“More than anything else.”

"You should be glad that I love you, because you're really testing me sometimes." you laughed, looking up to see something resembling a smile on his face.

"I am glad that you love me, because I do love you too." he said reassuringly.

It almost took him over a year into your relationship to tell you that he loved you, so him saying it made your heart leap into your stomach.

Before you could become any more vulnerable, the first drops of rain caused you to look up at the by now almost black sky.

Kaz stood up with a huff, reaching out his gloved hand for you to take.

You were hesitant at first, wanting to ask him if he'd truly be alright with it, but after a loud rumble of thunder, you took it without any hesitation.

Arriving at the Slat, mildly soaked, you avoided the other Crows as good as you could, since they were still held to believe that the two of you were on a job.

The best solution for you to hide seemed to be staying hidden in your room. There, Kaz let himself fall on your bed, closing his eyes with a content hum.

You wanted to let yourself fall right next to him, but before that, your eyes landed on the leather jacket still hanging on your chair.

"Kaz, I have something for you." you smiled, picking up the heavy fabric and holding it in front of you.

He opened one eye, looking a bit puzzled, but after he realized what you were holding he sat up.

"You didn't need to do that." he whispered, taking the gift from your hands and eyeing it carefully, as if he feared that he would rip it by just looking at it.

With a hint of hesitation, he pulled off his gloves, letting his fingers trace over the sturdy surface, stopping at the embroidery.

"It's beautiful. Thank you, love." he admitted, his voice having an unfamiliar softness to it.

"I embroidered that myself. Thought it would add a bit of character to it. Your old coat looked so washer out." you informed him, a soft blush rising up in your cheeks, after seeing him handle your work with so much care.

"It's stunning, I love it." he smiled, his voice trembling a bit.

He placed the coat next to him carefully, smoothing out any bumps. One of his hands reached into his own coat pocket, where he retrieved a small black box from. It was wrapped in a delicate red ribbon, complimenting the dark, lush black design of the box.

You looked at the box in surprise, you didn’t really suspect that he would’ve got you anything. Especially after he broke up with you.

“This is for you.” he said, holding it in front of you.

“You got me something?” you asked, a huge smile forming on your lips.

“Open it. I want to see if you like it.”

After removing the red ribbon cautiously, you opened the box slowly, revealing a stunning silver necklace. The pendant was in the shape of a crow, similar to the brooch he gifted you when you officially became a Crow.

“Kaz, this is so pretty! I love it, thank you!” you beamed, pulling the necklace from its container, wanting to wear it immediately.

“Wait, let me help you.” he said, before standing up and taking the jewellery out of your hand.

He stepped around you, gently placing the gift around your neck, clasping it behind your back.

You felt his fingers barely ghost over your skin after he closed it. You wanted to pull away, fearing that he might shut down from his touch aversion, but instead, he let his fingers gently rest in that position for a few seconds longer.

At that moment, you knew, that things were going to be okay.

#six of crows #shadow and bone #grishaverse fanfic #grishaverse x reader #six of crows x reader #grishaverse #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker fluff

868 notes · View notes

rubyarrows · 6 months

Text

Distress Call

Warning: This fic talks about child abu$3. If that is a difficult subject for you please do not read.

I was sitting at my desk in the precinct one day, going over the mountain of paperwork that needed to be done and filed. I had been putting it off way too long and it was about to cave in at any moment. My radio was going off beside me about yet another domestic disturbance call in the area. I sighed, but just when I was about to get up and take it, my phone started going off in my pocket. When I pulled it out, my little sister’s name and photo were lighting up my screen. I never questioned why she was calling, but it did concern me that she was calling me halfway through her workday. But nevertheless, I picked up.

“Hey, YNN. What’s up? Aren’t you working?” YN works at a family-owned daycare not too far away from the precinct. If she was working, it was rare to get a call from or to her.

“Hey, Bub,” her voice was riddled with either fear or concern, it was hard for me to tell. “I need your help with something.”

“Of course, what is it?” I replied, worry instantly hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I could hear her take a deep breath before she started explaining, “There’s a little girl, Emma, that comes to the daycare. I’ve noticed here lately that she’s showing signs of neglect. I know her family is going through a rough spell at the moment, according to what her grandma has been telling me, but Adam, it's gotten to the point where I just can’t ignore it anymore.” As she spoke, I could tell YN cared deeply about this child. It was laced in her voice.

I knew that if it wasn’t that bad my sister wouldn’t have called, and it tugged at the heartstrings. I sighed almost identically to the one she had let out a few moments earlier. “Alright can you tell me what you’ve noticed?”

“I can barely handle it, so if you think you can then alright.” YNN went on to tell me about all the alarming things that she had noticed when it came to little Emma - the dirty clothes, matted hair, frequent absences and, most disturbingly, the bruises she had seen up and down the child’s arms. It was noticeably clear to me that YN wasn’t making this call because it was policy to report it. No, she was bound and determined to protect Emma at all costs.

I glanced around the room and motioned for Halstead after making a quick decision. “YNN, Jay and I are on our way. We’ll get this handled. You did right by calling me.”

I could hear the instant relief wash over her voice as she said, “Thank you.” I could imagine the picture of her posture returning to its resting state as she looked around whatever room she may be standing in. “Waiting it out and doing nothing has been killing me on the inside for days now.”

After hanging up with my sister, Jay and I sped over to the daycare. She was waiting just outside the door when we arrived. I walked up to her pulling her into my hold because I knew what she must be feeling and YNN wouldn’t rest easily until Emma was safe. “You know that nothing about what’s going on with Emma is your fault, right? You’re doing right by her trying to protect her from whatever might be happening.”

YN nodded as the three of us started our way into the building. She led us to the front office where the owner of the daycare, Paula, sat with the little girl. Nothing could have ever prepared Jay and I for what we saw. This little girl looked miserable and probably felt worse. My heart plummeted to my stomach as I walked up to her and knelt down.

“Hi, my name is Adam. What’s yours?” I asked.

The little girl looked over my shoulder at YNN. I could tell she was mentally asking her permission to say anything. I looked back at her as well and watched as she gave the child a small nod. “It’s okay, Em. Adam’s my big brother. You can talk to him. He’s a good guy, I promise.” YN’s voice was as soft and gentle as could be.

Emma looked back at me, and I could see the fear in those brown puppy dog eyes. “M-my name Emma.”

“It’s really nice to meet you, Emma.” I said and looked down at her arms and automatically noticed the bruising that YN had mentioned. “Would you care about telling me about telling me where you got those bruises from? They look like they hurt.”

Little Emma was hesitant at first but with another reassuring glance at my sister, she nodded. Hearing everything about what was going on in her home from Emma was heartbreaking. Nothing about what came out of the little girl’s mouth was okay and she definitely didn’t deserve it. Every word just fueled my determination to get her out of that situation.

“Thank you for telling me all of that.” I said as I took a gentle hold of her small hand. “I promise you that it will be all over soon. Okay?” The little girl nodded as I stood up. “I’m going to talk to Miss. YN and Officer Halstead for a little while and then we’ll be right back.”

As YN, Jay and I walked back outside, YNN looked at me with concerned eyes as I looked at Jay. “How are we playing this? Calling it in is a given but it may take days if not weeks to get her out of there permanently.”

“I’ll make a call to Voight, and we’ll go from there.” Jay said as he pulled out his phone. “We got a full confession from a four-year-old without having to pry it out of her. Seems like Emma knows she’s not in a good place. Can’t blame her for wanting it all to be okay.”

The next few hours came through like a whirlwind. YN had gone back inside with Emma and Paula while Jay and I dealt with the police work, social workers and other legal procedures. Voight and Erin got a warrant to take the parents into custody while we made sure that the sweet girl was well cared for. At the end of the day, Emma was safe.

After all was said and done, I took YNN home where we sat at the table, exhaustion weighing heavily on both our shoulders from the long day we had. I could see the worry lines etched deeply into my sister's face as she stared off into space, undoubtfully thinking about what had happened over the course of the day.

“You did a good thing today, YNN.” I said as I reached over the table, taking her hand in mine. “Emma is safe now because of you.”

A small smile made its way across her face, her eyes glistening from the unshed tears she was trying so hard to hold back. “Yeah, I know. Couldn’t have done it without you and Jay though. Don’t think I would have wanted too either.”

“Yeah, you would have.” I state as I rubbed small circles into the back of her hand. “You’re too much of a good person to let it go unnoticed and continue to let the little girl be hurt. You would have still done what you did today. You would have still been there for Emma because you knew she needed you to be. That’s why she looked up to you for help and not Paula. She trusted you to help her and you did. And I know you would do it all over again if you had to.”

YN thought about it for a minute. “No child deserves that.”

I shook my head and kissed her hand. “No. No they don’t. And if you’re around, they won’t have to live through it.”

#ruby arrows #ruby arrows imagines #chicago pd #chicago pd imagines #chicago pd x reader #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd fanfiction #adam ruzek #adam ruzek x reader #adam ruzek imagine #adam ruzek imagines #adam ruzek fanfiction

47 notes · View notes

esta-elavaris · 6 months

Text

Flufftober Day 25: Nook ~ Cullen Rutherford/F!Inquisitor [2,285]

My Flufftober '23 masterpost can be found here 💜✨

It began like most things in his relationship with Evelyn did – with a fantasy. A pipe dream, or so Cullen always deemed them back then. First because he believed she would never, could never return his feelings, and then even after…because making plans for the future, for after the Inquisition, felt a lot like tempting fate.

But, despite all of his fears, and despite all of the odds, the future came. And it was a good one. Evelyn recovered from the loss of her arm, from the injury that almost took her life in Orlais, and on the other side of it they found what they’d spent so long wishing for. A quiet life of their own. Together. A home that they built themselves, to their exact tastes, laughing in the face of all of the little foibles that reared their heads in the process – because they were nothing compared to what they’d already faced. It was when the building was more or less complete, however, that Cullen was reminded of a conversation they’d had back in Skyhold, when their relationship was still a somewhat new, tentative thing.

“Where is it you go, when none can find you?”

They’d managed to steal enough time for lunch together – in his office, so he could return swiftly to his mountain of work immediately thereafter. There was little chance of them making room on his desk for it, but he’d produced a small folding table that he may or may not have stashed to the side for this very purpose, and it worked a treat. At Evelyn’s insistence, he took the chair and she perched atop his desk on the small space that did allow for it…and in a manner that played into more than one of the other sort of fantasies he’d had regarding her. The less-than-gentlemanly ones.

At his question, the smile slipped from her face, replaced by a guilty frown and he regretted asking in the first place.

“I don’t do it when I know I’ll be needed urgently. Or even semi-urgently,” she explained quietly. “Just…when I really, really need it.”

“I never thought for a moment that you were neglecting your duties,” he rushed to reassure her, “I cannot even imagine what it is you face…”

“Considering your standing by my side, staring at it with me, I suspect you can,” she replied.

Cullen liked the notion of that. Not at what they faced, of course, but that she viewed him as being right beside her in it. But why had he brought it up? Even if it didn’t have the sound of an accusation, it brought the world back in here with them. But Evelyn weighed him up for a moment, eyes filled with great consideration. Then, finally, she smiled a little and plucked up a lemon cake from the offerings on the table.

“Come – I’ll show you.”

He was powerless but to follow – wherever she was concerned. Were she any other, that might worry him…but were she any other, he would not have been falling so hard and so quickly. Andraste only knew how his luck was so great that it appeared to be very reciprocal.

Trying to give the impression that he was simply the Commander following the Inquisitor on matters of official business, he followed her across the battlements until she came to the derelict tower across the way – although he did a poor job at hiding his surprise when it became clear she wasn’t just passing through it to lead him elsewhere. How could she be here, of all places, when it was so commonly passed through?

Then, however, she climbed up onto the window ledge and used it as a jumping point to vault up to the small perch above. It had once been a floor for a second story within the tower, but it had decayed and crumbled so that now a perch was all it was. A precarious one, at that.

“Are you coming up?” she called down.

If she moved back far enough, it was easy to see how she would not be sighted there. Particularly since few would be mad enough to go climbing up there to begin with.

“I’m not sure it’ll hold my weight.”

“That muscle-bound, are you? Be careful, Cullen, or you’ll send me swooning.”

He chuckled. “I’d be amazed if it could support a mouse, Evelyn.”

“You’ll be fine. I give you my word.”

Who was he to argue against the solemn vow of Inquisitor Evelyn Trevelyan? He climbed up, albeit with less grace than she’d done, and blinked in surprise when he did so. Having expected it to be entirely empty, he found instead that there were a few meagre signs of the time she spent here – namely a worn old blanket, a couple of books, and a jar of assorted dried fruits. Neither boredom, nor chill, nor hunger would have to send her from her refuge.

“Welcome to my kingdom,” she teased. “What’s wrong? You don’t look impressed by all of my riches.”

He didn’t feel impressed, but rather…sad. Desperately sad. That this was the best escape she could hope for when everything out there got to be too much. Considering all she did for everybody, all she gave, she deserved more than this.

“How do you read in this gloom?” he asked.

“Ah – you see the gap in the wall there where it’s crumbled away? In the afternoon, the light is better than any candle. It’s quite cosy, I swear. You should’ve seen the hiding places I used to wedge myself into back in the Circle.”

“And in the morning, when the sun is at the other side of the castle?”

“I’m never here in the morning. I only come when I’ve done everything else that might possibly need done, by which point my duties fall back to hearing Josephine tell me about the latest marriage proposals sent my way.”

Well. He couldn’t pretend he wasn’t glad she sought to avoid that.

Since then, although he never let on to the woman who eventually became his wife, he’d had it in the back of his mind that if they were ever as lucky to have what they did now, he would make sure it housed a nook of the kind that she deserved. And when she left to visit family not long after they were finally done building their home, it allowed him to turn it into a surprise.

When he insisted on adding more space onto their would-be study than was strictly necessary, Evelyn hadn’t questioned it much – but now that she was gone, he could see about the things that she definitely would have questioned. Such as his designs for the large, ornate circular window that would act as one “wall” of the nook. For while he was fairly good with his own two hands, glass-work was beyond his realm of experience, as were the wrought-iron designs that would line it. He wanted this to be fantastic – he needed this to be fantastic. For her.

Even if that meant driving the local craftsmen towards murderous urges with his stubbornness. But those coincidentally faded the moment they realised what they put together would be going to the Inquisitor. Cullen had long since concluded that they’d faced enough, done enough, and sacrificed enough, that they were entitled to the perks that did come along. Which was why he finagled the best, plushest cushions for the nook – with covers made from the finest, softest forest green fabric available – for half the price. They even threw in a matching set of drapes to cover the nook and conceal it from view once it was done. Josephine would have been very proud. It was so spatious and comfortable that, given her small stature, Evelyn could sleep there, if she liked – although he hoped she would not – and wake up without so much as a stiff neck.

The cushion would rest atop the shelf he’d built, nestled between two curved bookshelves (also built by him) that provided ample room to house every book she owned…and hopefully at least some of the many she would no doubt acquire going forth. There was always room to store more – in a drawer, beneath the seat. He could build that-

No. He was getting too carried away with himself. She hadn’t even seen it yet. Cullen did, however, allow himself to add in an extra little ledge to allow room for a lantern, along with snacks or a tankard. Open candleflames by books seemed like a bad idea. As did wine, for that matter.

By the time the day of her return came one glorious golden morning, Cullen’s arms and shoulders were sorer than they’d been since he was regularly running drills with the Inquisition soldiers, and he found himself eagerly awaiting the sound of her horse on the road. Almost as much as he had when she used to be gone from Skyhold for sometimes months at a time, seeing through gruelling Inquisition business.

When her Amaranthine Charger came bounding up the road towards their home, Evelyn grinning atop it, Cullen was powerless but to return the smile – catching her when she all but launched herself off of the horse at him before the stallion even came to a proper stop. She kissed him, grinning through it all the while, and he cared not about the dust from the road that caked her – not only because he never cared about such things, but because this sort of greeting was something they’d been denied so many times in the past, having to prioritise professionalism.

“Come – I’ve something to show you,” he set her down and took her hand, self-control the only thing that stopped him from dragging her to the house.

He also chose to ignore her mutter behind him of I’ve heard worse lines, I suppose.

The curtains to the nook were drawn as they walked into the study, and her ride in would not have afforded her even a glimpse of what lay on the other side – so she had no reason to think there was anything but the window that had previously been there. But even that gave her pause, and she paused, one dark eyebrow raising in bemusement.

“You bought curtains, Cullen?”

The confusion was fair – Josephine would have had to draw blood if she wanted to get him discussing the décor of his tower, back in the day. She often threatened to do just that. A day where he begged Sera for a lunch date would come sooner than one where he took it upon himself to spontaneously pick up a pair of floor length velvet curtains for their study.

“I think you’ll find what lies beyond the curtains to be of greater interest.”

“Did you clean the window?” she teased.

“See for yourself,” he nodded in the direction of the curtains.

A perplexed furrow in her brow, her hand slid from his as she moved forth. Cullen watched with bated breath as she dipped one hand between the curtains and parted them – and then her jaw slackened and she went very still, staring ahead in disbelief. After a moment, the hand raised again, pushing the right side of the curtain fully aside, and then it moved to cover her mouth, trembling as it did so.

When she turned her head to look at him, her eyes were filled with tears.

“Oh, Cullen,” she breathed in disbelief.

“That was not what I intended,” he said softly, moving to stand behind her, wrapping his arms about her middle and taking in his handiwork once again.

With no small amount of satisfaction. He was worried that, once she’d seen it, he would belatedly notice streams of deficiencies in the finished product. But there were none.

“I thought about waiting until you returned and putting it together with you – with your input…but I couldn’t help but risk it. I thought it might be a nice surprise.”

“It is,” she replied quickly. “The nicest surprise. It’s perfect – it’s…I could never even imagine such a thing, much less piece it all together. I can’t believe…you did this for me?!”

“Who else?” he chuckled, squeezing her. “I’ve wanted to for years. I almost did in Skyhold, but we were looking to the future…I didn’t want to make something like this for you and then have to leave it behind. But here…”

“For years? Why for years? I don’t…”

“Since you showed me your perch in that tower.”

Afterwards, at the time, he’d offered to let her make use of his bedroom – and then quickly flushed and clarified that up in his loft, she might be more comfortable, and none would go seeking her there, for he could run interference. But she’d refused, admitting that if she heard him having to run such interference – while working, no less – she’d only feel guilty and give herself up swiftly thereafter. Still, the mental image of her huddled up on some miserable little slab of rotting wood in a threadbare blanket and calling it an escape always bothered him.

“You…Andraste, Cullen, since then? Because of that?” it sounded like she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or sob, lifting one of the hands that were wrapped around her to her lips, and keeping it there.

Cullen smiled softly behind her. Even after all this time, she still had no idea the things he’d do just to make her happy. It wasn’t personal – that much he knew. When they first met, she loathed the idea of one so much as helping her carry something. If anything, he blamed the Circle. It only meant that he’d have to continue driving the message home.

Links: AO3 -- FF.net -- flufftober masterpost -- dividers by cafekitsune

#esta's flufftober '23 fills #flufftober2023 #flufftober 2023 #flufftober #cullen rutherford/f!inquisitor #cullen rutherford/f!trevelyan #cullen rutherford fic #cullen rutherford x f!inquisitor #cullen rutherford x f!trevelyan #dragon age fic #dragon age fanfic #DAI fanfic

20 notes · View notes

nerves-nebula · 7 months

Note

Me: oh no I’ve just trauma dumped in nerves inbox! It’s probably so tired of ppl doing that instead of commenting on its awesome art/storytelling,, especially w/ nonsense problems like mine T^T

Your response: *the most validating thing I’ve read in my god damned life*

Srsly the amount of times you’ve taken that part of ppl in denial abt their abuse & kicked that little shit in the ass without even realizing it is awe inspiring! & it’s all bc of your drive/talent for sharing your own stories! You’re amazing!!! <3

Gosh, you people are sweet.

It’s probably just because I feel invalid about a lot of my own stuff. It’s easier to validate others and enforce my belief that it doesn’t have to have been Literally The Worst to have been trauma or abuse. Easier to do that for others than it is to apply that to myself, is what I mean.

One thing I try to remember is that it’s common for people with trauma to wish something “worse” or more tangible had happened to them so that they had an excuse to feel the way they do. So that they’re trauma didn’t take an essay to explain. And that’s certainly the case with me. For all the neglect and abuse I suffered, I’m pretty sure nearly all of my siblings got it worse one way or another.

I was and still am petrified of the idea of violence. I was always in close proximity to it and that fear froze me in place every time. I only ever tried to intervene a few times, and I rarely got between anyone. The sexual abuse stuff was probably some of the less detrimental stuff happening. My parents didn’t ignore me more than any others tbh, though I did resent my spot in the hierarchy as “one of the kids who never causes trouble” (my dads words paraphrased) because I knew that meant they generally thought about and cared about me less.

I still feel bad that I want attention. That I wanna be cared about by all of my siblings and doted on when I’ve basically only ever sat off to the side and done nothing when they needed my help. Maybe I’d have the closer connections I wanted if I hadn’t been a coward :p

Aaaanyway, venting in my inbox gives me an excuse to vent back.

#nnstuff #ask #asks are sweethearts #vent #csa tw #child abuse tw #being helpful

21 notes · View notes

lokisprettygirl · 2 years

Text

The Bodyguard (Loki x Female reader) (Au) (18+)

Read chapter 37 here// Series Masterlist

Chapter 38

Summary : Your wedding day is finally here and Loki have just one chance to save you but will he be successful in saving himself?

Warning : 18+, Heavy Daddy kink, Smut, Violence, Mentions of self harm, murderous thoughts, Mention of Suicide, Rape, abuse, sexual violence, Harsh language, bodyshaming, fatshaming, mention of neglect and abuse, emotional abuse, Unhealthy Eating Patterns, blackmail, starving and under eating, implied smut, mention of drug use, some weird feeding kink I’m (loki is) developing, short chapter

On the day of your wedding, you woke up, showered and that was all the time you had to be alone, well at least on your own. You looked around the bedroom as you knew you would never come back here, no matter how awful it has been since your mother died, you had spent your childhood here and made good memories with her. Not to forget the every sweet moment you have spent with Loki here, your relationship with him bloomed right in the walls of this room. More and more everyday.

You had to drive to the venue and you didn't get to be with Loki as Katlyn accompanied you. His car and other guards were following yours and as soon as you got into the assigned room where they were supposed to doll you up for the wedding, you didn't even get a moment to breathe.

Your hair and makeup was done and then you put the dress on, all of it would have felt like a dream if you were actually getting married to the true love of your life. And that made you wonder if he ever wanted to do that with you.

Noticing the commotion outside The plaza hotel made you even more terrified. There was press, so many guests, and the event was supposed to be sold on some networking platform you didn't care enough to learn about.

When you got ready, you were taken to the room downstairs where you were supposed to wait before your entrance, Loki had already done his part of the planning so you asked your bridesmaids to give you privacy because you needed to be alone in there. The plan was simple, You had to get out of the dress, put the wig on, get into a different set of clothing, take your bag out from the closet and sneak out of the emergency window in the bathroom. Peter would be waiting to take you to a safe place somewhere while Loki would handle the situation here.

But that's what you feared the most, him being here, he was your bodyguard and they'd question him the first thing.

As soon as you got inside the room you changed out of the wedding dress, put on a tracksuit with the wig on, put the glasses on and sneaked out of the bathroom, Loki had already got his men taking care of the camera outside the bathroom exit. You needed an invitation to get in and out of the hotel since your day literally owned it for the day so you made sure you had one with a fake name, you wrote the invitation yourself.

Your heart was thumping inside your chest as you walked past people you recognised, several of your relatives and friends of your father's. You kept your gaze down throughout so nobody would get suspicious and you were only able to breathe once you stepped out of the main entrance. You looked around and then walked away a few meters to get inside the car waiting for you. Peter drove off immediately and you finally took a deep breath as you melted into the seat. That was the scariest thing you have ever done in your life.

"Damn that was stressful huh" he said to you and you looked at him as you sighed,

"What are we doing Pete?" Your eyes teared up as the seriousness of the situation finally hit you. What were you doing and how did you even get such strength to do this? The answer was very clear to you, Loki, without him you wouldn't even think of this, you had given up on yourself and this whole life before you met him.

"We are saving your life my dearest"

"I should call him.. I'm so worried" he snatched the phone from your hand and turned it off immediately.

"Noo you can't do that, do what he asked you to do alright? We can't screw this up now" he told you sternly and you nodded. There was no room for any fuck ups here.

You took out the sim card from your phone and threw it out the window, then after you two have driven for a few miles, Peter took your phone, stepped out and he destroyed it as well, Loki knew they'd try to track you as soon as they realized you're missing.

"Stop freaking out y/n, it will be okay" Peter said to you as he got in and you looked at him,

"You think? I'm shitting bricks here, what must be happening there? Do you think they are aware by now that I'm not in the room?"

"Probably..and I'm supposed to be in Namibia..let's see what's happening"

He turned the tv system on and you flipped through the news channels, nothing as of yet. That was a good sign, because you knew your dad and you knew he'd try to keep this matter away from the media just like he did with your mother's death.

You just prayed that he was okay, your eyes welled up again as you thought about your Loki.

Loki called Steve when you didn't open the door and he came running along with his family, Rocky and Suzzanah came too, they were all worried that you had died or something.

"She's her mother's daughter for god's sake..break the damn door" Rocky yelled so Erik called a guard to break open the door,

"You were right here, did you not hear anything?" Steve grabbed Loki by the collar as he questioned him.

"She went inside and needed her privacy, I didn't hear anything, I have been trying to call her but it's unreachable" Loki answered him.

"A fucking bodyguard, you're useless" he punched Loki in the face but he didn't retailate on purpose, then Steve let go of him and as soon as the door opened they all hoarded inside, you weren't there, Loki looked at Erik and he seemed nervous too so he assured him with his eyes.

"She's gone, I can not believe this, that fucking bi–" Steve ate his words as Rocky looked at him, the wedding dress was on the floor in the middle of the room and they figured that you fled from the bathroom window, Rocky immediately called for the surveillance footage but the camera outside the bathroom exit was not working.

"What are we going to do?" Steve sat down on the couch, he was carrying alot of anger and he would murder you if he knew where you were right now.

"We need to find her, what are we going to tell everyone, the press is out there, the wedding was supposed to broadcast live on CNN, this is ridiculous" Mason yelled and Rocky sighed, he should have known you wouldn't just get married to Steve so easily. He should have been careful with you.

Rocky called his publicist immediately and he told him to fake a heart attack so the wedding could get postponed. Nobody can know that you're missing.

"Bring him to me" Rocky told Erik and pointed towards Loki and that's when Loki actually felt nervous. That made so him scared, he has been through this before and his nerves were wrecked in that moment. Did he fuck up somehow? Was there something Loki has done that made Rocky doubt him?

Erik took Loki to Rocky's room and Steve was already there pacing back and forth while Katlyn was scrolling through her phone. She didn't care about the situation at all. Rocky asked Erik to leave .

"You have been following her for months now, was she seeing someone else?" Rocky was sitting on the sofa lighting up a cigarette while Loki stood a few feet away from him.

"No sir, there wasn't anyone else, not that I know of"

"Wait a second" Steve exclaimed and glared at Loki for a moment before he shifted his gaze towards Rocky.

"Peter, he left yesterday right? What if she ran away with him? Her old flame, something must have happened between them in past few days" Rocky hummed in response as he thought about it.

"Bro relax, Peter hates her and he's in Namibia, he sent me the picture as soon as he landed" Loki couldn't have been more thankful that she wasn't very smart.

"Where the fuck is she then huhhhhh?" In the fit of rage, Steve picked up a vase and threw it in the corner of the room.

"Get our men out there instead of wasting time here. Airport,station, she won't get out of the city. And she'll definitely use the card at some point" Rocky told Steve and he immediately stormed past Loki bumping him in the shoulder which made Loki wince as he was already hurt.

He also asked Katlyn to step outside of the room leaving only Loki in there.

"I should leave too" Loki mumbled and turned around but Rocky stopped him, for some reason he had a bad feeling about this.

"Not you, you can't leave"

You destroyed your credit cards as well on the way. Peter drove you to a safe house outside the city and you spotted a middle aged man who was looking at you two .

"Wait, I don't even know this man, is he nice? A rapist? A kidnapper?" You mumbled nervously as you looked at the man on the porch outside the house.

"Y/n.. Loki asked me to get you here, he won't let you get hurt" you nodded as he said that, you hugged him and his eyes teared up, he quickly pulled away and kissed your forehead.

"He really does make you happy huh" your own eyes teared up as you nodded. He really did and you hoped you made him happy too.

"Peter I..I wish things were different with us–"

"It was my fault y/n, besides i don't think I could ever love you as much as he does" you looked down as you nodded. There was a time when you envisioned your whole life with him but then you were just a kid.

"You're a very good friend Pete, thank you. Will I see you again?"' You asked him and he smiled.

"Someday yeah of course I'll find you don't worry, I'm good at stalking" you chuckled as he said that.

"Okay be careful please" you smiled and grabbed your bag to get out of the car. As he drove off you walked towards the house and the man approached you,

"Anthony Stark..you must be y/n" he introduced himself and you smiled. That was Loki's boss. He took you inside the house and then showed you around.

"The fridge is stocked up, all you have to do is warm up the food, there are snacks and drink, if you need anything, my number is here, there's a telephone in the bedroom and some money in the drawer but don't try to get out on your own" you nodded as he spoke hurriedly.

"I feel like I have seen you before" you mumbled and he looked at you confused.

"I try to stay low key..no pun there. I mean I definitely have seen you, my daughter follows you on that thing..what's it's called..latergram?" He scratched his head and you chuckled.

"Instagram?"

"Yeah right"

You smiled as you nodded and so did he.

"Can you talk to Loki and see if he's okay?" Your eyes teared up as you thought about him and his adorable face, you just wanted him close to you, safe and away from your horrible family. The thought of him being hurt by them was making you anxious and nauseous.

"He'll be fine don't worry, I have to go so keep the door locked and don't open it for anyone except Loki "

"Not even you?" You looked at him confused and his furrowed his brows.

"Except me and Loki "

"Oh okay"

You locked the door and looked around, it was a two storey house. Poor people's house but it seemed cozy, that's how you wanted your place with Loki to look like. You felt hungry but you couldn't even get a bite in, thoughts of him getting hurt was keeping your heart in your throat.

And then hours passed, hours, but he didn't come back. You were losing your mind and the thoughts of him being in trouble or worse was killing you. You can't lose him and after everything he has done for you, you wanted to worship him all his life, love him like he has never been loved before, take care of him in every way he deserved to be taken care of but what if he never comes back? What if they take him away from you?

You didn't even have your phone, there was a computer but you couldn't even log into your accounts in the fear of getting your location disclosed. You missed his pretty face and comforting arms and it's been just a few hours.

To distract your mind you turned the tv on, the news of your father getting a heart attack being the reason the wedding was postponed was all over. Of Course he came up with something, he couldn't let the news of you running away get out in the world.

You took out a fresh t-shirt and jeans from your bag, then you showered and changed.

It felt weird, everything felt weird, you weren't used to being alone like this. Lonely? yes but not alone, you had people doing things for you but all that won't happen now, you had to get self sufficient. When it hit past 10 you started to get extremely anxious, you called Stark but he didn't ease your fears. He just asked you to not freak out but how could you not worry? It's been hours since you have heard from him and as your bodyguard you knew they'd investigate him the first thing.

He should have ran with you, you knew that but then he didn't want them to think that he was involved in this.

You laid down on the couch and that's when you couldn't hold back anymore, the tears didn't stop coming as you kept picturing him being hurt. The story of him telling you about getting beat up and his wife not picking him flashed through your head, you won't be there to pick him either. Your thoughts were getting the worst of you, every second you didn't get to be with him was killing you. He had promised that he won't leave you, he won't break the promise right? He would get there but then it's been hours, where was he?

You couldn't even sleep with all those thoughts running through your head. You can't do this without him, you felt all alone but you didn't need anyone else. You only needed him.

And when the hours of crying and the splitting headache you got from it almost made you doze off, that's when you heard the knock on the door.

In the pattern of one and three.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

#loki #loki x female reader #loki x reader angst #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki alternate universe #loki au #loki fics

173 notes · View notes

kingedmundsroyalmurder · 9 months

Text

Blue Castle chapter 24 and 25

Cissy is the daughter the Stirlings wish Valancy had been. Pretty, sweet, meek, innocent in the ways of the world, eager to please and quick to forgive. Someone who would do as she was told and look pretty in church without outshining Olive. And, of course, Cecilia Stirling would have had no need to go out to work, and thus never would have met her child's father.

I'm struck in particular by the juxtaposition of these two passages:

From chapter 24: " And I—didn’t know—some things. I didn’t—understand. Then his father came and took him away. And—after a little—I found out—"

Back in chapter 11: " Poor Mrs. Frederick was almost in a state of collapse. She had believed—or pretended to believe—that Valancy still supposed that children were found in parsley beds."

Cissy was raised by a single father who knows perfectly well how sex works, to the point where it likely doesn't even occur to him that people aren't just born knowing where babies come from. Her other main influence was her church community, made up of people who, one assumes, do not talk about these things publicly, and certainly not to Cissy Gay. It's implied that Cissy's mother, had she lived, would have (or at least should have) taught her these things. Clearly she never learned on her own, until it was too late.

Valancy, meanwhile, knows perfectly well where babies come from, to the point where she's embarrassed to even think about wanting them. Wanting to be a mother is perfectly respectable, even laudable for a woman in Valancy's position. Wanting the process of becoming a mother is most certainly not. It's not said where Valancy learned about sex and how it works, although my vote is from Olive, who has had boyfriends and been engaged.

So meek, innocent Cissy Gay might well have been better tolerated by the Stirlings than odd, never quite fitting in properly Valancy. (Cissy would, most likely, have been utterly crushed by the Stirlings in a way that Valancy never quite was. But then again, Olive wasn't. Maybe a Cecilia Stirling who was pretty and clearly had some marital prospects because of her looks would have been treated better by the extended family, if not Mrs. Fredrick and Cousin Stickles.) And, in contrast, Valancy might well have thrived as Abel Gay's daughter. Without discounting the impact of Abel's neglect, Valancy is clearly more outspoken than Cissy, and stronger willed. She grew up in a stifling and domineering society and the second she got out she not only knew her own mind but had no fear speaking it. If she'd been left to raise herself, I think it wouldn't have taken the promise of imminent death to set that part of her free.

I have AUs in my head now. Moving on...

Other thoughts about these chapters --

I did a little bit of research into the Canadian turn of the century education system back when we learned about Olive's engagements. She graduated from college at 18, and from what I could tell, it seems like College was for students roughly 15-18ish. So if that's correct and college is the word LMM uses to mean high school age students, with University being for 18+, then Cissy's young college student would have been a teenager. Probably 18 or 19 at oldest, possibly (likely?) younger.

And Cissy went to work at the hotel "4 years previously". At 25 or 26 at time of death (since she's three years younger than Valancy, who just turned 29), she would have been ~21 at time of boyfriend. So probably older than the boy.

Given that, it's likely that the boy was probably just as surprised and horrified by the pregnancy as Cissy was. I can't even be mad at him -- he screwed up and tried to make it right by offering to marry her and Cissy turned him down. Just a bad situation all around.

Even just reading about Cissy's funeral makes me furious. No wonder Valancy hated it ad Barney refused to go.

"her slanted eyes smudged with purple" -> Another purple mention. Is LMM subtly foreshadowing that Valancy has no intention of going back to her mother's house?

#blue castle book club #blue castle chapter 24 #blue castle chapter 25

25 notes · View notes

bbq-hawks-wings · 2 years

Text

HAWKS HAWKS HAWKS HAWKS: Chapter 353-354

Hey, folks, we're finally at the end ready to review the latest couple of chapters after only... *counts* SIX full-sized posts in so many days.

By the way, kids, go look up what "scope creep" is some time. The knowledge might save your sanity some day, assuming you properly plan for it unlike me.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Shouto's victory over Dabi is an inspirational force among the heroes when the news rings out. All of the other heroes are facing enormous, existential fear on an individual level despite being more than willing to fight and that's understandable - they're only human. Nevertheless, a young, teenage hero who had barely received his provisional license faced his own brother - one of AFO's top fighters, nonetheless - and all but single-handedly took him down. It's a major morale boost which also understandably serves to rattle the opposition.

Btw, knowing that Spinner accepted AFO's offer to make him stronger before the strike, I really want to know how his story's going to play out. He isn't near Shigaraki, AFO, Dabi, or Toga, so this could be interesting to see him spotlighted alone once again.

I'm also excited to finally get some quality screen time with Tentacole whom I believe to be criminally neglected in the series as a whole. Rooting for you, Cephalopod Son!

The news of Dabi's fall reaches Endeavor and the other heroes facing AFO.

And now I'm so glad to have gotten these chapters all at once. Hawks knew going into it that AFO would taunt Endeavor specifically where he was sensitive exactly like he did, but I don't think he anticipated AFO being able to find any fodder that would actually get under HIS skin, and that will likely really come into play later, even if we don't see the results of the battle for a few more chapters, and that's where I predict anything new or unsure about Hawks and his feelings are going to come out.

Now, I love this interaction and series of events. We all know it was Hawks that rose me from my dormant state on this blog. Up to this point there's only so much we had to talk about, especially since what was being speculated in the discussions of leaks that I saw were really far off from what the official translation wound up to be.

The panel about him calling himself "crippled" when AFO tries to make him feel weak and Hawks just deflects it, AFO not getting anything out of him by calling him "Nagant's replacement", and the comment Hawks made about him making "a clean break" from his family history were very sensationalized and taken out of context when I saw them. So far, everything seems to be well within character for Hawks, and literally none of that stuff bothers him. He knows AFO is just the villain trying to get his way, and Hawks has already put on his armor for whatever he anticipated AFO to throw at him.

The only thing that AFO did that actually got to Hawks was wound Endeavor. Hawks' weakness far more than his need for prosthetic wings are those he cares about and his mission. And now, Endeavor has been impaled like the shish kabob.

Damn it, Endeavor. It's okay, though, this is actually the spot I wanted to catch up to, because this is where i think we get the best Hawks characterization crumbs of the chapter.

Up to this point, the main motivation for Hawks as a whole has been the same since he woke up in the hospital- "Finish the job I started as soon as possible because we're running out of time!" It's been weeks. Things have only gotten worse. The goal has never changed - only the logistics and limitations it took to reach that goal. He needs to end it yesterday. Hawks has long accepted that his death may be a necessary price in that equation, and he's at peace with that if it really will bring about the change he wants to see. Sacrificing himself so Endeavor can live and defeat AFO is more than reasonable to him.

These two, though. They weren't in the plan. They weren't in the calculations, ever, because unlike him these were never acceptable potential loses to Hawks. In the moment, he doesn't consider their abilities or the fact that they just saved his life. He can't risk losing them, so they were never a consideration in this fight before.

On the subject of mind games, I think it's safe to say that AFO is going to try to leverage Hawks' protectiveness of the kids to get him to slip up later on, but Tsukoyomi is the one who'll help him psychologically stay on task, while Earphone Jack plays more traditional power support. Tsukoyomi has experience keeping up with Hawks in real time, plus he has a good idea of how his teacher thinks. He also has known and worked closely with Earphone Jack as her classmate for more than two years now, and as she doesn't have to be the one maneuvering she can just focus on communicating with Tsukoyomi to set her up for success.

It's a clutch impromptu support team and one that only gets better if Endeavor is able to rejoin them. There's likely going to be bumps and hiccups, I predict predominantly on Hawks' end and difficulties keeping Jirou airborne, just because of the desperateness of the situation; but the actual important things here is we're going to hopefully get some real quality Bird Bros material in a moment and get to see the goths kids kill it out there. I'm here for it!!!

#bnha 353 #bnha 354 #she speaks #bnha chapter review #let's talk hawks

78 notes · View notes

sabineelectricheart · 7 months

Text

A Forseen Consequence of Laissez-Faire

Summary: Daphne has something to tell Bryce. He reacts better than she expected.

Rating: T - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.

Words: 1200

Notes: I’m testing stuff out with Trish. Let me know what you think.

Bryce lets out an incredulous scoff, breaking the silence that hung between us and having my heart sink to the depths of my stomach in despair. I knew this would not be easy, and I tried to gather as much mental fortitude for it as I possibly could, but I do not know if there would ever be a time for it.

How do you tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant?

"You're joking right?" He asks, taking a puff of the cigarette between his fingertips.

He throws his legs over the side of the bed, turning to throw me a sideways glance over his shoulder. My heart pounds painfully as I clutch the sheets to my chest, biting at my lip and sending him a small shake of my head. I would not kid with something like that, he knows it, but I think he is just in denial.

Oh, well, it is not like I can fault him for that. I am still a little unsure about the whole thing, in spite of the tests I took.

He looks down and I panic, wondering that this will be it, the end of our relationship and the end of our friendship. It is not like we both did not realize this could have happened, as he is very neglectful in the realm of protection, but, then again, so am I.

We never really worried because we never really did much thinking when it came to sex. After Trish, after my stalker, after my scholarship, after college, after his family, we tended to live in the moment, wary of the next challenge that comes out to break us apart. It served us to keep us grounded, keep us happy, to remind us for what we struggled so much to achieve.

Funny how our laissez-faire attitude to the whole thing is really what may break us apart in the end. The irony is certainly not lost on me.

We may be happy today, but we have struggled a lot to get to this point. The Montgomery family did not take too kindly to me dating their son, and nor did my father and Rosalie, for that matter. Besides, it is unavoidable to state that I met Bryce as a taken man.

First and foremost, Trish was his friend, and when I came to that realization, I understood that I could not take that away from them, even if they were hurting each other on the daily. It had been a process for them to slowly understand that they did not work as a couple, and that there were other, healthier ways for them to nurture the love they held, something that brought me closer to both.

His lips part as if he is going to say something but he just takes another drag, holding the smoke in his lungs before forcing it out. His brows furrow gently, his eyes portraying all of the emotion that he is not communicating: fear, disappointment, but also a sense of gentleness.

He is not angry, and maybe he is not even shocked. My stomach unknots slowly, as some relief runs through me. I can work with fear and disappointment.

"What are we going to do?" He asks, softly and uncharacteristically serious.

There is something about him using the pronoun 'we' instead of 'you', and the look in his eyes tells me all I need to know. We are going to be alright.

"I have a good job. I have my own apartment, in a good neighbourhood. Sure, it's a little small, but..." I trail off, as I gauge his reaction.

His gaze shifts a bit to something soft and eager rather than anything resembling disappointment, and then he laughs. "I'll be a shit dad."

My eyes roll almost instinctively to his self-depreciation. I know that he has never had a good father figure and there is no reason for me to think that he would be a good father, but maybe he will be simply out of spite for Clay. Perchance, he learnt from the mistakes of his own experience as a child, and that can lead him into being at least better at it.

Sticking around, trying our best, it is all any of us can ever expect, after all, and just that would be a great improvement over any alternative.

"Debatable." I snort, pulling the sheets off of me and crawling closer to him.

He watches me with curious eyes as I settle my head in his lap, his eyes wandering lower than they should. I reach up, placing my hand on his cheek as I guide his gaze back to mine.

"You’re already a good daddy as it is. We’re just adding a new title to it, yeah?" I smirk at him.

"Daph, shut the fuck up." He chuckles sheepishly, cheeks blushing vividly.

His hand settles on my lower stomach, his thumb rubbing small circles below my belly button as I smile softly up at him. All of my anxiety quickly dissipates at his tranquillity, and I am suddenly taken by the realization that I am not alone, that I will not be alone anymore. It is something so beautiful and so strong to me that I feel the urge to cry, but I hold the tears in.

"You're not mad?" I double check.

He is quick and emphatic into shaking his head in negative.

"No. It's not like we were exactly careful." He laughs, as he shoots me a toothy grin that spreads across his cheeks. "Plus, I think Trish will be happy, since she gets to keep you in Sugardale for good."

He never lets an opportunity to bring that up in jest, knowing how often Trish brings it up her desire for him to 'knock me up already’ so she can finally be an aunt. This time, at least, I get to laugh at him too, as we are in this together.

Together.

"Do you want to keep me?" I ask, gazing up at him through my lashes.

"Debatable." He mocks, pinching my hip.

I squeal, inching away from him, but he does not let me leave, holding me tightly to him as he glances down at the burning cigarette that is still lit between his fingers.

"Should probably put this out then, yeah?" He mutters sheepishly, leaning over me to dab the lit end against the ashtray beside his bed.

There is a sense of pride that swims in my chest, my heart aching but in a different way, happy tears flooding my eyes at his approval. He shifts suddenly, standing up beside the bed as he grabs me by the ankles, pulling me to the edge of the bed before sliding down on top of me, cupping my cheeks sweetly as my head spins.

He smirks, with that stupid frat boy charm of his. "Alright, mommy-to-be, we should probably enjoy our alone time while we've got it."

Bryce dives into my neck with energy, sucking and licking it. I moan and grab his shoulder blades.

We enjoy our afternoon together with no care in the world. It is not like I can get pregnant again, after all.

*_*_*_*_*

College Craze Masterlist

#college craze #Bryce Montgomery

2 notes · View notes