#and the search for an ideal more hopeful solution

[virtualcarrot]

[DE] musing abt the limits of superficial acab discourse and the way fandom deals with moral discomfort, I guess

“ACAB”, “the only happy ending should be leaving the RCM”, “you’re a terrible person if you draw/write these characters enjoying the sort of corrupt cop stuff that they canonically do in-game” discourse is killing meeee

God forbid you don’t performatively remind everyone that you do hate cops, actually; and god forbid that you don’t find that True Healing and Happiness for Disco Elysium’s characters can only be achieved by leaving the force.

Metas could be written about how Kim and Harry are actually deeply flawed people who enjoy wielding some form of authority in a way that they actually feel best working as cops

(is it healthy? no. is it Good™? no. Is it true to their character? this is where media interpretation comes in)

Metas could be written about how that doesn’t mean ACAB isn’t real, that just means they’re the kind of shitheads (that we, the players, still love) who enjoy being cops

Metas could be written questioning the amount they’d have to change to adapt to a life as civilians, how much and what kind of a push they’d need to go for it,  if it’s change they could even manage, if they could financially survive it, if they could find fulfillment in any other career, at their age

But no. Why waste time on that instead of easy slogans. I mean, we like them, these characters, and we don’t want to feel guilty for liking them, because what does it say about us, then, that we like flawed cops?

(nothing it says nothing it says we played a good nuanced extremely well-written game that skillfully made us like the sort of character whose past actions include sequestering some woman and beating a dude into disability. that’s what it says. i’d even argue that discomfort is part of the point)

#fandom #disco elysium #spoilers #meta : disco elysium #And hey! #I'm not saying that there aren't people out there writing corrupt cop content without realizing just how disturbing those behaviors are #either because of normalization #copaganda #privilege #or just deciding that they don't care enough to over analyze amateur works of fiction #(which while not ideal an argument can be made for to some extent) #what I'm saying is that the vast majority of ACAB discussion/content I've seen in this fandom is based on morality #and the search for an ideal more hopeful solution #more than character psychology #and while the hope for better is perfectly understandable and A-ok #and is where everyone should find a place to pitch their headcanons #the use of morality and politics as a blunt weapon to bludgeon people with and beat them into silence is exhausting #in general not even in this specific situation/fandom #especially since usually it amounts to: this UPSET ME (maybe even for good reason) so I'm going to make it YOUR PROBLEM #and RESPONSIBILITY

[exhaled-spirals]

« To mention the global loss of biodiversity, that is to say, the disappearance of life on our planet, as one of our problems, along with air pollution or ocean acidification, is absurd—like a doctor listing the death of his patient as one symptom among others.

The ecological catastrophe cannot be reduced to the climate crisis. We must think about the disappearance of life in a global way. About two-thirds of insects, wild mammals and trees disappeared in a few years, a few decades and a few millennia, respectively. This mass extinction is not mainly caused by rising temperatures, but by the devastation of natural habitats.

Suppose we managed to invent clean and unlimited energy. This technological feat would be feted by the vast majority of scientists, synonymous in their eyes with a drastic reduction in CO2 emissions. In my opinion, it would lead to an even worse disaster. I am deeply convinced that, given the current state of our appetites and values, this energy would be used to intensify our gigantic project of systemic destruction of planetary life. Isn't that what we've set out to do—replace forests with supermarket parking lots, turn the planet into a landfill? What if, to cap it all, energy was free?

[...C]limate change has emerged as our most important ecological battle [...] because it is one that can perpetuate the delusional idea that we are faced with an engineering problem, in need of technological solutions. At the heart of current political and economic thought lies the idea that an ideal world would be a world in which we could continue to live in the same way, with fewer negative externalities. This is insane on several levels. Firstly because it is impossible. We can't have infinite growth in a finite world. We won't. But also, and more importantly, it is not desirable. Even if it were sustainable, the reality we construct is hell. [...]

It is often said that our Western world is desacralised. In reality, our civilisation treats the technosphere with almost devout reverence. And that's worse. We perceive the totality of reality through the prism of a hegemonic science, convinced that it “says” the only truth.

The problem is that technology is based on a very strange principle, so deeply ingrained in us that it remains unexpressed: no brakes are acceptable, what can be done must be done. We don't even bother to seriously and collectively debate the advisability of such "advances". We are under a spell. And we are avoiding the essential question: is this world in the making, standardised and computed, overbuilt and predictable, stripped of stars and birds, desirable?

To confine science to the search for "solutions" so we can continue down the same path is to lack both imagination and ambition. Because the “problem” we face doesn't seem to me, at this point, to be understood. No hope is possible if we don't start by questioning our assumptions, our values, our appetites, our symbols... [...] Let's stop pretending that the numerous and diverse human societies that have populated this planet did not exist. Certainly, some of them have taken the wrong route. But ours is the first to forge ahead towards guaranteed failure. »

— Aurélien Barrau, particle physicist and philosopher, in an interview in Télérama about his book L'Hypothèse K

#quote #article #aurélien barrau #ecology #science #english #translation mine

[mayashesfly]

Rain Code Chapter 5 and Epilogue Spoilers

The ending of this game has given me such intense major brainrot it's unbelievable. And not to mention all of the FUCKING SYMBOLISM AND PARALLELS AND FOILS I CAN SQUEEZE OUT OF THIS THING

Yuma and Makoto being Number One, looking for a Perfect Solution without Emotion.

Yuma taking the first step to grow out of that ideal by entrusting his memories to Shinigami.

Essentially shedding himself from the chains of his previous identity as Number One. By giving Shinigami the Key to his memories.

Shinigami who creates Solution Keys. Solution Keys that can unlock the Chain of Mysteries blocking the path to the truth. (Chapter 4 Mystery Labyrinth)

And time and time and time and time again throughout the game, Yuma had others helping him. Being there for him. Taking care of him. Loving him.

And despite him falling in despair time and time and time and time and time again, as Shinigami reaps the soul of the culprit, someone was there to pick him up again.

It might've hurt. It might've been painful. Uncovering and facing the truth. But together, he was able to handle it. He was able to live more freely, more happily being unchained from mysteries. Having people there in his life.

Maybe he been different when he was Number One.

Maybe he had been alone.

At first.

But now, he is not.

And though he may have lost Number One, he has gained freedom and happiness through others.

It's ironic how The One chained to a Death God was the free one.

Now let's think about Makoto.

Did he had anyone there when he learned the painful truth?

Had he known during then that there was others like him?

Facing the truth of being a Homonculus all alone...

It would be painful.

It would be lonely.

And even then, when he had found out he wasn't the only one.

He alone was the only one that could've saved them from themselves.

Saved them from the sunlight.

Caging them all in the unending rain.

He faced all of the problems of Kanai Ward by himself.

Manipulating those he see fit in order to keep Kanai Ward safe.

Despite being Number One, He could not seek the Perfect Solution through the Truth.

He covered and chained himself in so many lies and mysteries that he could not help himself.

And others could not help him.

There was no Solution to be found.

Here was no keys to be found by him or someone else who could've helped him escape from the entangle of chains of mysteries he had trapped himself in.

Think about it, in the Mystery Labyrinth, his Mystery Phantom acted so much like the lost and scared Yuma we have known. So blinded by all of the mysteries and alone that he refused the truth.

There was noone in that Labyrinth helping Phantom Makoto except Actual Makoto.

There was noone in that Labyrinth helping Actual makoto except Phantom Makoto.

He, quite literally, wrapped himself up with all of his clones that wore masks.

He, quite literally, continued to change his masks as he see fit.

He, quite literally, hid himself among his clones that wore masks.

Masks upon masks upon masks.

And despite having had multiple Solution Blades at a few points, he had cut nothing. (From what I remember)

I can't help but think about how Yuma said Makoto was asking for help.

And how in Makoto's last stand, he was quite literally asking for help.

Makoto needed Yuma to use the Solution Blade, the Solution Keys, to cut his mask.

Makoto needed someone to help him.

He was looking for a Perfect Solution, no, an answer, as we stared at his real unmasked face.

He had begged for us to search for the truth and now here we are.

If Yuma making a pact with Shinigami was his cry for help to change.

This was Makoto's cry for help to change.

We just have to wait and see if Makoto can finally be free and happy.

(Though seeing the Epilogue, it seems like Makoto still needs some help to truly finally free himself fully.

His journey isn't over yet.

Let's just hope that help won't come too late yet again.)

#may asher rambles #rain code #makoto kagutsuchi #yuma kokohead #rain code spoilers #shinigami #I hope this is atleast a bit coherent #My brain is fucking screaming and squealing and going on overdrive because of these fuckers #My GOD #WHEN WILL I STOP FALLING IN LOVE WITH FUCKED UP GUYS??!!! #But yeah #It's fascinating seeing Yuma and Makoto's character development #And the Solution Keys and Mysteries and the so called Perfect Solution #Like I said THERE IS SO MUCH SYMBOLISM AND PARALLELS AND FOILS AND SHIT I CAN SQUEEZE OUT OF THIS SHIT #So I can't really say all of it and I am going absolutely fucking feral just thinking about it #Oh to be organized in brainrot to give an actual comprehensive meta analysis post #Ngl this also started because I wanted to draw Yuma and Makoto in their respective chains of mysteries #With Yuma holding one of the Solution Keys and Shinigami and the NDA's hands- #-all holding out their own respective Solution Keys to help him out #While Makoto was completely wrapped up in his chains of mysteries #Solution Keys all scattered about around him but out of his reach #Not a single Solution Key in his hand #Completely alone and helpless #If anyone wants to draw that #Feel free to for me #Knowing my track record when it comes to drawing I will never actually finish an art piece like that lol

[lifephilosophys-blog]

عندما تقف وحيدًا في وسط الزحام، تمر أمامك وجوه مختلفة، كل وجه يحمل قصة مختلفة وعوالم مختلفة خلفه. وفي تلك اللحظة، ربما يخطر ببالك فكرة تبدو تتسم بالبساطة والعمق في آن، فكرة نظرة تتبادلها مع أحدهم، لتجد نفسك تتأمل بعد ذلك في أن هؤلاء الأشخاص الذين تفاعلت معهم بشكل عابر، لا يعرفون شيئًا عنك، لا يعرفون عن أحلامك وآمالك ومخاوفك.

في هذه اللحظات، تدرك أنك في بحر من الوجوه المشهورة والمجهولة، بحر لا يعرف عنك أي شيء. قد تشعر بالوحدة والبعد عن الآخرين، ولكن في الحقيقة، نعيش في عالم يفرض علينا مواجهة تلك الواقعية.

ربما يكون القلق واحدًا من العواطف المخيفة التي تعصف بنا حينما نفكر في هذه الحقيقة. تلك القلق التي تنبغي لها أن تحررنا، كما قلت، من تشكيل صورة مُثالية لذواتنا تجاه الآخرين، وتجاه العالم. فقد تكون في نظر البعض ليست سوى وجه مروري، وتجد ذاتك تبحث عما يمكن أن تقدمه لتكون وجهًا يُذكر.

لكن بينما تعبر عن نفسك عبر وسائل التواصل الاجتماعي، ربما تكون تبني جسورًا مع الآخرين، تجعلهم يفهمونك بشكل أفضل، والعكس صحيح أيضًا. ليس جميع البشر يمكنهم أن يُدركوا من هو الآخر فعليًا، لكن يمكن للتواصل والتفاعل أن يلقي بجسور تجعلنا نرى أشياء جديدة في بعضهم.

قد يكون الحب من الغرباء ليس إزاء شخصك الفردي، بقدر ما هو حول الشخصية التي تعرضها والقيم التي تتبناها. قد تكون الصور التي تنشرها على الانترنت ليست إلا جزءًا صغيرًا من واقعك، ولكنها تعكس جزءًا منك يمكن أن يلتقي بالآخرين، ليسبب تأثيرًا يتجاوز الصورة نفسها.

إذًا، قد يكون الحل لهذا الاستفهام الدائم هو في أن نقبل أنفسنا كما نحن بالفعل، ونتقبل أن لنا قيمة وجمال بغض النظر عن ما يراه الآخرون فينا. قد تكون لا تُعنى لأحد سوى قلة معدودة، لكن لديك قصة للرواية، وعالم لتستكشفه، وأحلام لتحقيقها. قد يكون من الأفضل استثمار وقتنا وجهودنا في تحقيق تلك الأحلام والأهداف، بدلاً من القلق بشأن كيف يرانا الآخرون.

في نهاية المطاف، نعيش في عالم يمتلئ بالعمق والانفتاح، نستطيع من خلاله أن نحقق تأثيرًا إيجابيًا حقيقيًا على الناس من حولنا، سواء عبر التواصل الوجه لوجه أو الرقمي. لذا، لننظر بعينين مفتوحتين إلى العالم ونفهم أن لكل منا قيمة لا تُقاس بالمظهر الخارجي أو بالصورة الافتراضية التي نُقدمها.

When you stand alone in the middle of a crowd, different faces pass in front of you, each face carrying a different story and different worlds behind it. And at that moment, you may have an idea that seems both simple and profound, an idea of ​​a look you exchange with someone, only to then find yourself pondering that these people you only interacted with in passing know nothing about you, they don't know about your dreams, your hopes, your fears.

In these moments, you realize that you are in a sea of ​​famous and unknown faces, a sea that knows nothing about you. You may feel lonely and distant from others, but in reality, we live in a world that forces us to face that reality.

Anxiety is perhaps one of the frightening emotions that strike us when we think about this fact. That anxiety should free us, as I said, from forming an ideal image of ourselves towards others and towards the world. In the eyes of some, you may be nothing more than a passing face, and you find yourself searching for what you can offer to be a memorable face.

But as you express yourself on social media, you may be building bridges with others, making them understand you better, and vice versa as well. Not all humans can truly tell who another person is, but communication and interaction can build bridges that make us see new things in each other.

Love from strangers may not be about who you are individually, but rather about the character you display and the values ​​you espouse. The photos you post online may be only a small part of your reality, but they reflect a part of you that can connect with others, causing an impact beyond the photo itself.

So, the solution to this constant question may be to accept ourselves as we really are, and accept that we have value and beauty regardless of what others see in us. You may be of no interest to anyone but a few, but you have a story to tell, a world to explore, and dreams to fulfill. It may be better to invest our time and efforts in achieving those dreams and goals, rather than worrying about how others see us.

Ultimately, we live in a world full of depth and openness, through which we can have a real positive impact on the people around us, whether through face-to-face or digital communication. So, let's look at the world with open eyes and understand that each of us has value that is not measured by our outward appearance or the virtual image we present.

[morrak]

Untitled Wednesday Library Series, Part 134

Last week, I promised 'some real specific information science wonk', which I intend to deliver. Much of my work concerns systematic reviews, which are very popular in health sciences research. There are many reasons for that popularity: the modality is basically pretty good for informing evidence-based medical decision making; they're synthetic, so you don't even have to walk into a healthcare facility to write one; journals like publishing them; they look like low-hanging fruit if you haven't done one. Increasingly, that last point is actually true — there are heaps upon mounds of software vendors, working groups, funders, and libraries full of poorly adjusted yea-sayers (that's me!) sitting around waiting to help glue the things together.

Part of the review process is retrieving approximately every paper ever published about the intended topic. This is difficult in practice — citation databases are fussy things — so it's often prudent to re-use pieces of searches that've already been published. Predictably, there's a whole cottage industry of papers that consist only of pre-validated search strings for popular concepts. It's also difficult in theory — to quote today's feature, 'the ideal search strategy would show high recall and high precision, but there tends to be a trade off between the two, and the relationship typically takes the form of a sigmoid curve.' What's worse, making specific claims about recall outside the lab is several shades of impossible. The problem: those search-strategy-only papers have to prove their performance somehow. The solution, according to these authors? Don't, maybe. Try something easier; it'll probably work alright.

This is both open access and short, for whatever that's worth.

Sampson, M., Zhang, L., Morrison, A., Barrowman, N. J., Clifford, T. J., Platt, R. W., Klassen, T. P., & Moher, D. (2006). An alternative to the hand searching gold standard: validating methodological search filters using relative recall. BMC Medical Research Methodology, 6, 33. https://doi.org/10.1186/1471-2288-6-33

The How

Credit to a coworker much more seasoned in search validation than I for this one. Although the approach this outlines is common enough nowawadays, I don't know that I'd have gone looking for the paper without a recommendation.

The Text

The authors collect several foregoing examples of what they call relative recall, then call them that, then demonstrate the technique on search results generated by a familiar-in-these-circles (and pre-validated) Highly Sensitive Search Strategy (HSSS) and some custom variants. The gist is that relative recall performs very similarly to what they'd expect from normal recall, and that they suspect similar results should fall out of similar setups. This is a great relief to those of us who were nervous about the alternative.

One of the HSSS variants, which they call the Narrow Boolean Search Strategy (NBSS), represents a surprisingly distinct insight about potential applications. Pretty neat, huh?

The Object

Normally I'd omit this section entirely on grounds of excessive abstraction, but not this time. Two thoughts:

I don't think these tables are an ethical habitat for Gill Sans. Too much breating room, I think. The slightly inconsistent vertical allignment makes it look sick.

QUORUM flowchart, huh? I guess that was the style at the time — PRISMA didn't supercede it until 2009 — but I haven't actually had to look at it much. Absolutely Precambrian.

The Why, Though?

Mostly because I have several projects coming up that rely on both relative recall and NBSSs, but also because the book I was hoping to feature kinda stinks and I can't be bothered.

#images #untitled wednesday library series

[auroragehenna]

AI-less Whumptober

Day 22 Punishment

TW/CW: Soft torture (wax burns), re-capture, whumpee staying with Caretaker implied, creepy whumper, emotional whump, psychological whump, touch starved whumpee Word count: 2'678

This piece was originally inspired by this prompt by @montammil

Lucy has been hiding out in an old shed for a couple of days now.

She had packed a backpack with the most important things, something to stay warm, food and water, headphones, and her phone.

She was exhausted and terrified but the thought of Caretaker getting a good night‘s sleep again kept her firm in her decision.

But still, staying in this shed was no ideal solution so she filled the days pondering where she could go and hide. At least until she needed food again.

Finally, after three days, she had an idea. A crazy idea, reckless and not exactly therapeutic. But it might just work.

---

A few hours later Lucy was in front of the abandoned pool building she knows so well. She was shaking and cursing in her mind. She took a deep breath and looked for a way to sneak inside. At least it was all still the same, including the broken entrances. Once inside Lucy tried to get settled in. It wasn’t the most comfortable, with the memories attached to every inch of this place but it was warmer, dry, and more closed off. She was gambling that Adam would search her everywhere, including at Caretaker‘s place, but not where he kept her captive for all that time. No way. That was the hope she clamped to. After a bit of shuffling, she decided “screw it” and put her blankets and mattress in the same corner she’d always favoured. Top right. With a good view of everything, most distance from the entrances and close to the cool water gadgets. After she set everything up it almost felt like a comfort space. Almost. Who knows maybe they could even get the space back in their own mind. Worked before. Mostly. Hey in her defence self-de-conditioning sucked. Only after she lay down for the first time to check if it was as comfortable as possible did she notice how exhausted she was. Against her will, she could feel herself fall asleep. She barely managed to blow out the candle before the darkness claimed her as her own.

---

[A few days later]

It seemed to go well. No sign of Adam, no complications and no Caretaker. Lucy missed them but she‘d rather die than make them suffer because of her.

---

This evening Lucy again wished she could turn on the electrical pool lights. Their light was so warm and comforting, always had been, and though she was grateful for her candles, they couldn’t possibly ignite the whole room and cast haunting shadows across the walls of the hall. Also, the loneliness messed with her mind. The memories were louder this way. Even with headphones. Seriously without those, she‘d be so lost. In solitude like this she preferred having them in ambience mode, so she could, given the case, hear activities around her. This night same as every night she went to sleep trying to read. Trying to ignore the memories, the same voice repeating the same things, over and over again. Eventually, she just blew out the candle and lay down waiting.

After what only felt like seconds Lucy woke up from a sound in the building. It was still pitch-black outside. She jerked up in a sitting position and listened more carefully. Tilting her head to the side she listens again, no doubt there’s somebody coming. Somebody who doesn’t care to be silent. In a second Lucy is on her feet and staring frantically around the room. As fast as she can she makes her sleeping place orderly, like nobody had slept there in weeks, grabs her headphones, phone, and backpack, and jumps out of the pool. Carefully she squeezes behind the floating little circle platforms leaning against the wall. Blessedly none of them fell down. Lucy made herself as tiny as possible and pressed against the wall in the dark.

Fast footsteps on the tiled floor, no talking. Then-

„Oh. Did some homeless person settle in here? Huh, who knows maybe I could buy them as a fake witness. For if my little [nickname] ever actually decides to go to the police. Or just torture them a bit.“, the person ponders.

It’s their voice! It’s their voice! Their voice! Their voice! Adam’s voice! Shit, shit, shit! Lucy did her best not to flinch at the implication of ownership and the nickname. Bullshit, it’s all bullshit, remember?!!

Two feet moving and then landing hard on the metal floor of the pool. She can hear the rustle of her blankets. Then Whumper’s voice again. And their words make Lucy shiver.

„Ooh, unless of course…My little [nickname] came back on her own. But that’s nearly impossible right…“ Their voice trailed off.

„Bingo!“, they suddenly yell out. Then their voice takes a luring tone. „Luucy. That cloth is yours. Your comfort-cloth. Give up your hiding spot and come to me. I’ll be nice, I promise. After all, I’m so delighted to have you back.“

Maybe if she doesn’t move, doesn’t do anything he won’t find her and just go.

„Lucy, I can also search for you, but that would be more stressful for you, and I must warn you. Every hiding place that I wrongly check means one more punishment for you…So?“

Silence. Deadly silence. Filled with more tension than a high-voltage line.

Adam speaks again:” One…Two…three…four…five. Okay, have it your way.”

Lucy’s mind was running, trying to decide which option was better. But the time ran out before she could decide. Adam didn’t waste any time, he moved swiftly and silently. Probably so he could hear her if she decided to move. So far they haven’t found her, but with that thoroughness, it couldn’t be long. For a moment she considered if turning herself in would grant her mercy, but she decided it wouldn’t. Adam offered her mercy, and she didn’t take it, now there wouldn’t be any. And even if being found like a lamb in the darkest corner of a slaughterhouse was everything but pleasant it was still better than obeying for faint scraps of mercy. After Whumper checked the office and the two locker rooms they returned back into the pool hall.

“Well, well, well, either the little birdy has flown out or you’re somewhere in here. Let’s find out shall we.”, they announced as they started to make their way around the basin.

Lucy could only roughly tell where they were by the sounds of their steps, but she could hear the malicious grin in their voice.

As the steps came ever closer to her hiding space, she mentally resigned from her hope that she’ll make it out and instead tried to prepare for the moment her cover of darkness would be ripped away.

Then Whumper’s steps came to a halt in front of her hiding space.

Platform by platform fell down until the light seeped through and with one final movement the last barricade between her and Adam fell.

“Got you little mouse.” he grinned.

Lucy searched for a snarky remark and opened her mouth only to suddenly start crying. She had just spent too much time holding everything together. Too much time acting and faking, everything was under control, that she had it handled. In front of Adam, in front of Caretaker, in front of herself. She thought she could do it, put herself back together again. Didn’t allow herself to break, to stay strong, as long as it took. Hold on to her principles. But she just couldn’t do it anymore. And so, her body surprised her with a long-held in exhaustion.

Adam inspected his plaything. He expected maybe faint-defiance, sass with underlying fear. But not this. They never saw her like this. Sure, they’ve seen her tears, drawn forward by sheer pain, they saw her collapse from exhaustion. They saw her scared. But never like this. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks and she dropped her head on her arms. It wasn’t hysterical crying, or pathetic sobbing out of fear, humiliation, or something. She just seemed…exhausted? And resigned. Adam carefully sat next to her and gently put an arm around her. She didn’t even flinch. They started to slowly rub her back. Not saying anything yet just being there. Over time the rocking of her shoulders came in longer rhythms and eventually she just leaned against them, and they hugged her in return.

Lucy wasn’t sure for how long they sat like that. When she finally ran out of tears she carefully backed off a bit from Adam to look at them. They returned the look, and for one of the few times ever since there was no hint of maliciousness in their eyes. Sure, they also didn’t exactly look good and merciful but, nevertheless.

Slowly Adam stretched out a hand and wiped away a lingering tear on their cheek. Shortly cupping it afterwards they asked her a question, the first words being said since they found her.

“What happened?”

Lucy stayed quiet for a bit, and when she opened her mouth to answer no sound made it out. She didn’t know what to say.

Adam began to speak again: “May I tell you my guess?”

Lucy just nodded. She swayed for a moment and then slumped back against him.

Adam slowly began to stroke her hair; it was a bit shorter than when they were with them last. Probably cut the dead ends off.

“After you got out you held it in. You didn’t want to bother anybody, so you did everything to avoid attention. Maybe it even got so bad you lied to Caretaker and  your friends, mimicking the situation better than it actually was. If it went well you broke down when you were alone, with the comfort of your cloths, stuffed animals and or music. If it went bad you held it all in until now, not wanting to seem weak ever again not even, or especially, in front of yourself. Thinking that, you can fix all of this by yourself. Fix yourself, by yourself. 1Not a burden to anyone, and not weak. Is that anywhere near the truth?”

Lucy let out a long breath, Adam hadn’t even noticed she had stopped breathing.

“Yeah, I think that sums it up.” She lets out a shaky little laugh. “And now I’m being comforted by the person that is both the origin and will be the continuation of my torture.”

“Well, there’s not a lot of other people here is there.”

“Fair enough.”

“I think we could both use some sleep but first, will you be okay? Or should I stay with you for a bit longer? Not as a tormentor, just as…a friend?”

“I…I’m actually a bit hungry. I have a sandwich I could finish, candles and music?”

The sentence sounded like a question out of her mouth, Adam had to suppress a grin, failed, and saved it with a, hopefully, gentle smile.

“Sure, let’s do that.”

They both stood and walked toward the pool. Lucy had before thrown a pool ring into the basin so she could actually climb out again. They let themselves into the basin and sat on Lucy’s sleeping place.

Lucy lit up the candle and took out a little glass vial. She dropped a few drops onto the candle, closes it again and put it back into her bag. A distinct flowery smell started to fill the air. She took her phone out and soon music started playing. Adam recognized it as her comfort music. Then she took out a sandwich and started to eat. After two bites Lucy looked over at Adam.

“What were you doing during this time?”

“While you were free? Well first of all making sure you can’t bust me. Dispose of the evidence I say. After that, well trying to find you of course. I started stalking your friends, made sure you weren’t with any of them, to begin with.”

A shiver ran down Lucy’s spine at the last sentence.

“When I knew they were dead ends and where they lived I started following them in their free time until someone led me to Caretaker’s house. That was a few days ago. I was sure I’d find you there. But all I find is a house in great excitement and a panicked-looking Caretaker.”

Adam notices Lucy’s tension at those words and changes the topic.

“Anyway, then I came here. Now we’re here.”

Lucy had finished her sandwich and packed the cling film into a little trash bag. She then looked at Adam and asked in a sober tone of voice: “You’re not gonna let me go, am I right?”

He stands up, walks to the edge of the pool, and climbs out taking the inflated pool-ring-climbing-help with him. Standing on the edge he looks down at her and answer in the same sober tone: “No.”

Lucy nodded, put on her headphones, and selected a playlist. After that, she handed over the phone to Whumper who plugged it in to charge in the office. She lay down and blew out the candle. Even though the lavender smell and the flickering light calmed her down she felt she needed the comforting cover of darkness right now. To hide, from herself, from feeling watched, from this. Soon after she fell asleep.

---

The next day she was awoken by footsteps near her. She jolted up in a fright and heard Adam laugh softly.

“It’s me.”

“Can’t tell if that’s supposed to be comforting or scary.”

“A bit of both.”, he replied softly. “Now you surely remember how I yesterday gave you the chance to come out willingly…”

Lucy shivered and tried to wrap her cloths around her.

Adam knelt in front of her and with a soft grip dragged her off her mat. “If you want your cloths to stay pretty I’d suggest you leave them there!”, he warned. “Besides, wouldn’t want them to be connected to this right?”

“Please…don’t.”, Lucy tried quietly.

“No can do, bunny, but don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.” With that he grabs the candle from the side of the mattress. He lights it up and waits for the wax to melt a little.

He keeps his eyes trained on Lucy and she can’t do anything but look back, frozen in fear. She looks to the candle but Adam cups her cheek and turns her head back to him.

“Look at me.”, he reminds her and then starts to pour little puddles of wax onto her bare arms and legs.

It could hurt so much more, she knew that, but it was still so terrible. She wanted to look away but Adam didn’t let her. She wasn’t even physically restrained and that was maybe the worst of it all. The shame and humiliation in that he didn’t think it necessary to tie her up or something. Because he knew she wouldn’t try anything.

“…Aaand that one was is the lost one he said before curling a finger under Lucy’s chin and tilting it up. Then raising the candle and carefully pour hot wax onto her chin right under her eyelid. Adam saw tears well up in her eyes and grinned at the sight. It was probably a purely physical reaction but beautiful nevertheless. “That’s it, you’re all done now, Lucy.”, he cooed and pulled the girl up in his arms.

Lucy buried her face in his shirt and tried to muffle a tiny sob coming out.

Adam moved his hands to the side of her face and pulled it up until they’re eyes met. He kept his hands embracing her face as he said: “Hey now, no need to muffle your sobs. I won’t hurt you for them. You don’t have to be strong anymore.”

Lucy looked up at his with wide eyes, completely taken off guard by the loving touch. She felt herself melt into it even with her skin still burning from the wax. Right now she couldn’t imagine disobeying him again. And she hoped to the gods or to whoever that she would be able to next time.

Taglist: @yourlocalgaefae33, @princessofhe11, @greatkittencloud, @bisexuawolfsalt, @ailesswhumptober

#jayna's writing #ailesswhumptober #ailesswhumptober2023 #ailesswhumptober2023day22 #ailesswhumptober2023day22punishment #whump #whump blog #whump writing #whumpee #creative writing #coping #trauma #torture trauma #psychological whump #soft torture #wax #candles #tired whumpee #scared whumpee #touch starved whumpee #emotional manipulation #manipulative whumper #emotional whump #intimate whumper #intimate/creepy whumper #creepy whumper #threat whump #threats whump #hide and seek whump

[haggishlyhagging]

We have arrived at our final point: the importation of clinical Freudianism to stem the flow of feminism. Girls in the twenties and thirties found themselves halfway in and halfway out of the traditional roles. Thus they were neither insulated and protected from the larger world as before, nor were they equipped to deal with it. Both their personal and work lives suffered. Their frustration often took hysterical forms, complicated by the fact that they were despised the world over for even the little false liberation they had achieved. Mass confusion sent them in droves to the psychoanalysts. And where had all the psychoanalysts come from? By this time a war was going on in Europe, and much of the German and Austrian intelligentsia had settled here in search of a practice. It was ideal: a whole class of suffering people awaited them. And it was not just a few bored, rich women who were sucked into the new religion. For America was undergoing serious cramps from withholding a sexual revolution already well beyond the beginning stages. Everyone suffered, men as well as women. Books came out with such titles as How to Live with a Neurotic (because that oppressed class is right there in your kitchen, whining and complaining and nagging). Soon men, too, were turning up at the psycho-analysts. Well-educated, responsible citizens, not just psychos. And children. Whole new fields were opened to deal with the influx: child psychology, clinical psychology, group therapy, marriage counseling services, any variation you can think of, name it and there it was. And none of it was enough. The demand multiplied faster than new departments could be opened up in colleges.

That these new departments were soon filled up with women is no wonder. Masses of searching women studied psychology with a passion in the hope of finding a solution to their "hangups." But women who had grown interested in psychology because its raw material touched them where they lived soon were spouting jargon about marital adjustment and sex-role responsibility. Psychology departments became halfway houses to send women scurrying back "adjusted" to their traditional roles as wives and mothers. Those women who persisted in demanding careers became in their turn instruments of the repressive educational system, their new-found psychological “insight”—that babble of Child Psych., Social Work 301 and El. Ed.—serving to keep a fresh generation of women and children down. Psychology became reactionary to its core, its potential as a serious discipline undermined by its usefulness to those in power.

And psychology was not the only new discipline to be corrupted. Education, social work, sociology, anthropology, all the related behavioral sciences, remained for years pseudo-sciences, overburdened with a double function: the indoctrination of women, as well as the study of "human" behavior. Reactionary schools of thought developed: social science became "functional," studying the operation of institutions only within the given value system, thus promoting acceptance of the status quo.

It is not surprising that these remained "women's fields." Men soon fled to (exclusively male) "pure" science; women, still only semi-educated, awed with their new entrance into academia, were left to be snowed with the pseudo-scientific bullshit. For, in addition to role indoctrination, the behavioral sciences served as a dike to keep the hordes of questing "nouveaux intellectuelles" from entering the "real" sciences—physics, engineering, biochemistry, etc., sciences that in a technological society bore an increasingly direct relation to control of that society.

As a result, even access to higher education, one of the few victories of the early W.R.M., was subverted. More average women went to college than ever before, with less effect. Often the only difference between the modern college-educated housewife and her traditional prototype was the jargon she used in describing her marital hell.

-Shulamith Firestone, The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for Feminist Revolution

#shulamith firestone #psychology #freudianism #feminism #female oppression #hard vs soft science

[whump-lover-and-reader]

Whump Fic:

‹Jung Eui Sung gets drugged at the bar›

Leverage Team starts what they think is just nother job, but… the person they're after turns out to be far more dangerous than they expected initially, and Jung Eui Sung learns that far too late.

Tags: one shot, whump, hurt/comfort, non-consesual touching, non-consensual drug use, date rape drug/roofies, attempted kidnapping, implied/referenced rape/non-con, unconsciousness, protective caretaker

Word count: 7,180

A/N: my first attempt of writing an original fanfic that is in canon universe. I hope it makes sense👍 it took me quite a lot of courage to post pls be nice

[Ao3 link]

 “This time,” said the team leader, Lee Tae Joon, looking at each member of his team at the briefing table, “we’re going to be a little more spread out than usual.”

Their new target’s name was Kim Dae Kyung. How the team had found him was a little bit different story than most of their cons.

A few days ago Tae Joon ran into his old classmate, a woman named Hye Soo. He remembered her as a wonderful, kind girl, and as an adult she hadn't changed. But one look at her and he could tell that she was not doing great.

“Let's find somewhere to sit down, and you can tell me everything,” he said. Tae Joon decided then and there he was going to do everything he could to help this woman.

They settled in a random little cafe, and Hye Soo shared her story.

Just a week ago she had everything. She was to marry a nice guy from whom she was having a baby, and just the mention of a baby touched Tae Joon’s heart, since he used to be a parent himself. But it turned out, that guy was only after her money. He stole everything from her, even her home.

“He gave me a week to find a new place to live,” she said, “and it's already up. Now I don't have anywhere to go!”

Tae Joon put a hand on her shoulder, but before he could say anything, she continued:

“But it's only a half of the story. As I was searching for a new house, I found this guy,” and at this point Tae Joon already could piece together the rest of the story, but he still let Hye Soo continue. “He had a small company with a few employees. He said they helped families in crisis. He promised new housing cheap and quick. I should've known it was too good to be true... But I was desperate. And he even showed me the apartment, and the documents, and everything, so I thought it might be safe.”

“He conned you.”

Hye Soo nodded, defeated. “When I went to the new apartment the next day, there were people living there. And they said they hadn't heard anything about it being sold to anyone, and even promised to call the police if I didn't leave.”

She then went quiet, and Tae Joon spoke with confidence.

“It’s settled then. We’re going to help you.”

“We?”

Tae Joon smirked. “I know a few people…”

***

Tae Joon graciously offered her to stay at his place while he himself crashed at the headquarters. Not the most ideal solution, but it was only temporarily, until they dealt with the dirtbags accordingly.

After that he introduced Hye Soo to the team, and together they planned out their course of action.

First of all, Soo Kyung and Tae Joon posed as a married couple that were expecting a child in the future and were in desperate need of a new home to get the scammers' attention. They threw the bait and waited until they could meet the agents of this "company".

After that they had to figure out how to get the leader of the company, a man named Kim Dae Kyung. They decided to get more evidence of his crimes and hand him over to the police, which was the least risky and the most effective way of doing away with him. That meant going through his personal belongings and probably blackmail.

But getting the much needed information was so much harder considering their target was a literal hermit. The only times you could catch him outside his house were when he would meet his new clients or unwind in a bar.

Which had brought them to this moment.

“What do you mean spread out?” Eui Sung asked.

“Since it's so hard to catch the right moment, we have to act as quickly as possible. And that means... everyone will have to play their part at the same time, but we'll all be in different locations.”

He then explained that he and Soo Kyung would have a meeting with the agents of the company, allowing the other three to go after the head, Kim Dae Kyung.

“Na Byeol, you will search his house. Find anything and everything that could incriminate him,” he said, and Na Byeol nodded. “Our target only goes out to the bar for a short break, so you’ll have limited time. And that’s where you,” he pointed at Eui Sung, “will play your part. You will have to go in and distract him as long as you can.”

“Me? Wait, what do you want me to do?”

“You’re going to be just another customer who decided to strike up a conversation. Talk to him, stall him, prevent him from going home as long as you can to give Na Byeol time.”

For some reason Eui Sung’s palms started to sweat.

The thought of having to spend one-on-one time with their target, especially after the last time he was forced to be on his own with their targets involuntarily came to mind, of course, didn’t bring him any comfort. His strengths were technology and surveillance, backing his team up from afar, opening all doors for them, only occasionally providing help as minor characters. Not directly interacting with the target, especially when he didn’t have his teammates right behind him.

“W-wait, why me? Why not Roy?” he pointed at the other man. “Surely he fits better. He has more, uhh… natural charisma?”

Roy quirked an eyebrow at that, and Soo Kyung giggled quietly.

“Because you are generally more, you know, amiable looking. Let’s just say I think it would be better if Dae Kyung was approached by someone… less intimidating,” Tae Joon said.

Eui Sung made a confused face, and Na Byeol laughed out loud. He then realized that the insinuation here was that he was just naturally giving off an impression of someone who couldn’t stand up for himself, and he was slightly offended.

“Hey, I can be intimidating!” he pouted.

“The only thing you can intimidate is maybe your breakfast,” Na Byeol smirked and high fived Roy, which has only brought Eui Sung more annoyance at his situation.

“Besides,” Tae Joon continued, not paying their bickering any mind, “Roy will have a different mission. He’ll be the one driving you both to your respected locations and back. Since Dae Kyung’s house is in a very closed off neighborhood, others might get very suspicious of a van waiting around. So instead Roy will wait under the bar and only pick up Na Byeol when she’s ready.”

“So, he’s going to be nearby?” Eui Sung asked, perhaps with a little more enthusiasm than he wished to reveal.

“What are you so worried about, Hacker?” Roy suddenly asked.

“Well, you know… Who knows what could happen…” he thought back to last time, when after he was done with his part and still got got.

“You get to just relax at a bar, what could there possibly be to be scared about?”

Eui Sung didn’t know what to answer. What was he scared about? There was nothing concrete, he just had a bad feeling, but he already had bad feelings most of the time, so he said nothing. He hated to admit it, but he was acting unreasonably in that situation. He really had nothing to complain about.

Roy, on the other hand, was surprised at the lack of a response from Eui Sung. His question was meant as a teasing, but he realized that the other must be genuinely worried, so he decided to lay off for now. Later he would regret his words said in that particular moment. He should’ve listened to his worries, probably should’ve offered to switch places, since he understood very well that the jokes about Eui Sung’s helplessness weren’t particularly unfounded. But at the time it didn’t seem too important, and they were much more concerned with preparing Tae Joon and Soo Kyung for their performance than anything else. So this conversation was long forgotten.

-линия перерыва-

All too quickly came the evening to put their plan into action.

Tae Joon and Soo Kyung had already left, and Roy had already dropped Na Byeol off at the target’s house and was on his way to the bar to leave Eui Sung to do his thing.

He stopped the van in front of the entrance to the bar, and Eui Sung stood up to reluctantly exit.

“You’re going to be outside, right?” he asked Roy.

“Yes, I’m going to be here, at least until Na Byeol finds the safe,” he heard Roy’s firm voice in his left ear. “But the trip there and back only takes fifteen minutes, you will be fine.”

Indeed, they had calculated that the road from the bar to Dae Kyung’s house and back only took about fifteen minutes. But that did not mean absolute security.

Eui Sung really wanted to object that actually so many things could go wrong in fifteen minutes, but then he decided that he should stay silent to save last bits of his dignity in front of Roy. After all, excluding Roy, he got the easiest job of them all, only having to sit and talk for a while, not even playing any particular role.

“Now hurry,” Roy said, “before our target decides to go home.”

Eui Sung nodded resolutely. “Yes, sir.”

He was determined to do his absolute best and not let anyone down. But when he entered the building his confidence instantly faded. He spotted Dae Kyung right away, and at that moment it hit him that he was completely alone. And he would definitely be whining about it if others didn’t absolutely depend on him.

Instead he simply looked around. It was a small establishment with a few tables and a nice atmosphere. It wasn’t too crowded, and Eui Sung could definitely find himself a vacant table if he wanted to. But his destined seat was, of course, next to their target.

Dae Kyung was sitting at the bar counter sipping on a drink. Eui Sung took a deep breath and headed straight to him.

He plopped down on the stool two seats to the left of their target and ordered himself a glass of something light. He had absolutely no desire to get drunk that night. After about two minutes of sitting in silence and figuring out his next move he felt more than noticed the other’s eyes on him.

So Eui Sung got his attention without any effort straight away, great.

“Well, hello there, pretty guy.”

The voice and the words caught him completely off-guard, and made him nearly choke on his drink. He turned to Dae Kyung to make sure the man was talking to him.

“M-me?”

He heard Na Byeol snort in his ear. “Who's pretty? Is he talking to you?”

Dae Kyung laughed softly. “I'm sorry, it's probably not an inappropriate getting. I just couldn't help myself.”

“Ah… It's okay,” Eui Sung laughed it off awkwardly even though in reality he was immediately on edge without even realizing it. “Good evening to you too. My name's Park Man Young,” he introduced himself with a prepared name to move on from the awkwardness.

“Kim Dae Kyung.”

So now Eui Sung just had to bust out all the charm of his personality and get this guy into a conversation.

“So… Do you come here often?”

“Do I come here often? You could say that...” Dae Kyung said, and it was about the most cryptic answer Eui Sung ever heard. He didn’t even know what to say after that, but luckily, Dae Kyung continued: “Although tell me something. I've never seen you around.”

“Ah, right... I'm sort of new to this part of the city. I've moved in a few days ago. I just decided I should go out and meet some people.”

“I knew it.”

“Huh?”

“I knew I would remember someone as handsome as you,” Dae Kyung laughed again, and Eui Sung's cheeks flushed bright red. “You could sweep anyone off their feet, you know.”

“What the hell? Is he flirting with you or something? I can't listen to this,” he heard Na Byeol's voice.

“Hah! Who would've thought,” Roy chuckled. “You're in luck tonight, Hacker.”

Eui Sung started violently coughing to shut them up. “Stop saying nonsense!” he mumbled quietly so that only his teammates would hear him.

“Eh? Did you say something?”

“Nothing! Nothing. It's very nice to meet you, sir.”

He then thought he noticed something weird flicker in the target's eyes. But it only lasted a second, so Eui Sung wasn't sure he didn't imagine it.

“Hey,” Dae Kyung motioned to the bartender, “let my friend have some more, and put it on my tab.”

“Really? Thank you,” Eui Sung said, and Dae Kyung winked at him, which only made Eui Sung more uncomfortable. But nothing was too intolerable just yet.

In fact, Eui Sung felt pretty good about it so far: he managed to draw the attention of their target pretty effortlessly, and it looked like the man was pretty interested in this conversation, so if he kept this up he was sure he could buy Na Byeol all the time in the world to search his house upside-down. Not that he wanted to, since this guy was giving him the biggest creeps ever.

“Do you like this part of the city?” he asked to continue the conversation.

Dae Kyung hummed, thinking. “No, not particularly,” he said in the end.

“Why staying here, then?”

“I like the people here,” he replied. “They mind their own business, you know? I could be doing anything behind the doors of my home, and they wouldn't even care. They don't ask questions.”

Eui Sung suppressed the urge to ask what questions. He determined that he didn't really want to know the specifics. Surely he just meant his fake real estate company, what else could there be, right?

“What, you're not going to ask me what I mean?” Dae Kyung suddenly asked.

“What? U-um...” Eui Sung laughed nervously. “I figured since I'm gonna live here I'm not going to ask questions and mind my own business as well?” he offered. “Unless you want to tell me yourself, of course.”

Dae Kyung bared his teeth in a weird looking smile which could only be described as a wolfish grin of a predator right before it sunk its teeth into its prey.

“No,” Dae Kyung said, and after a somewhat ominous pause he added: “I have a feeling you'll find out soon enough anyway.”

Eui Sung would lie if he said he didn't feel slight chills run down his spine.

He felt his glass nearly slipping out of his hand because of sweat. He set it down on the table. It was empty already anyway.

Back in the van Roy scrunched his nose in irritation. Now this guy was just trying to intimidate Eui Sung to try and manipulate him in some way. And he could practically see Eui Sung's fluttering eyelashes and slightly open mouth as he loses his train of thought completely. If it was Roy out there, he wouldn't have even bat an eyelid at such a crude attempt to instill fear in someone. But it was Eui Sung they were talking about, and the prolonged silence on the other end of the earpiece was good enough indication.

“Hacker, remember who you're talking to. He's just a scammer, he's not going to do anything. Just ignore whatever he says and stay calm,” he spoke in hopes to calm his teammate down a little bit.

But Roy himself didn't believe his own words. He wasn't particularly worried, but if he had only been listening halfheartedly before, now he was definitely more alert. If he was being honest, this guy didn't sound like just a usual scammer, rather more sinister. And now he wished he did switch places with Eui Sung. But it was too late now, and he didn't want to throw their hacker into panic in fear of compromising their mission.

Hearing Roy's words in his ear both comforted and ticked Eui Sung off even more. He was glad to know Roy was still there and listening, so, in theory, he was safe. But he was annoyed because Roy could only hear, he didn't see Dae Kyung's creepy smile, his predatory eyes, couldn't smell his foul breath or feel the revolting warmth he was radiating that Eui Sung could sense even being one seat apart from him. So how could he tell him to stay calm?

“I see your glass is empty over there, little buddy,” he heard Dae Kyung’s voice. “Please,” the man turned to the barkeep, “a refill for my friend.”

The newly refilled glass landed in front of him, and snapped his attention back to the problem at hand. He briefly glanced at Dae Kyung and saw that the other was watching him, as if waiting for him to take a sip.

Eui Sung brought the glass to his lips, and saw Dae Kyung's smile widen ever so slightly.

“Why don't you tell me about yourself?” Dae Kyung then asked. “For example, what do you do for living?”

Eui Sung barely stopped himself from sighing in relief. Finally, a normal question.

Their further dialogue went pretty smoothly. Eui Sung fed him some wild stories about his made up life, and listened to Dae Kyung lie about his line of business as well.

“I work as a real estate agent,” he said, completely omitting the fact that he sold already occupied apartments and stole his clients' money.

“That's so cool!” Eui Sung replied. “Can you tell me more about it?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” Dae Kyung flashed him a smile, and once again Eui Sung's stomach twisted just the tiniest bit.

Back in the van Roy also found himself frowning. First time it was kind of funny, second time it was already getting old, but at that point this was starting to look more like a pattern, and Roy wasn’t liking it.

The talk went on for about ten more minutes, until something strange happened.

A loud bang and a sound of glass shattering made Eui Sung jump in his seat and turn his head sharply. At the far corner table an angry woman was storming off leaving behind a lost guy who looked just pathetic. She shouted at him so loudly that everyone in the bar could hear. Something about him cheating, and he could only miserably attempt to defend himself. Eui Sung hissed sympathetically. That guy was definitely having a terrible evening... But that wasn’t his problem. He turned back to their mark to find the other man smiling warmly.

“Has anybody ever told you you have pretty eyes?”

Eui Sung almost choked on his drink once more.

“W-what?”

“Absolutely gorgeous, I could definitely drown in them...”

“Uhhh...”

Eui Sung's skin crawled. Something about Dae Kyung's voice was different, but he couldn't figure out what, and that last comment made him want to run to the exit and ask Roy to drive away as fast as possible.

Dae Kyung moved just an inch closer to Eui Sung, who simultaneously backed away.

“Seriously, with those pretty eyes I bet you have a gorgeous smile as well. Don't you want to smile for me?”

Eui Sung swallowed thickly.

It seemed even Na Byeol understood there were no place for jokes anymore.

“Is this guy out of his mind? I feel gross even listening to him,” Na Byeol commented. “Is it safe for Eui Sung to be next to him?”

Eui Sung wanted to yell that yes, he was, in fact, feeling very unsafe right now, and let everyone know just what he thinks of this guy next to him. But on the outside he could only flash an awkward smile and do his best to hide his discomfort so as not to blow his cover. After all, everyone depended on him being able to stall as long as possible.

After a few more seconds Dae Kyung suddenly burst out laughing. “You should've seen your face! My little guy, I'm just messing with you, relax.”

“Oh,” Eui Sung breathed out. Suddenly he felt a dull headache forming behind his eyes. Was it the drinks, or the fact that he had been stressing out all evening?

“Eui Sung, just give me a sign, and we can abort this,” Roy said. “Clear your throat if you need help.”

But Eui Sung kept quiet. He wasn't about to ruin the con just because of a few weird comments or some messed up jokes. Even if he was freaking out real bad right now. He turned away from Dae Kyung for a second, and whispered: “I'm fine.”

“Okay. Na Byeol, how much longer?” Roy asked, and you could hear it in his voice he wasn't enjoying any of this either.

“I only have the living room to go through. I bet the safe is in here. I think you can start driving now.”

“Okay.”

Eui Sung both sighed with relief internally and freaked out even more. He was alone for real now, but it was just fifteen minutes. He had to endure this creep for just fifteen more minutes, and then he was done.

He asked for the third drink, just to calm his nerves, and prayed to whoever his anxiety didn't show on his face.

But just a few minutes later something else threatened to show on his face, and that was extreme discomfort he was starting to feel in the area of… pretty much his entire body. Not only his migraine had considerably worsened, but now his muscles also began somewhat aching and feeling numb. He blamed it on the exhaustion from tonight’s mission and also maybe his whimsical attempts to exercise earlier that week.

Then he tried to continue a conversation, and… to a certain amount of fear, he felt some difficulty forming his next line.

“How- how about you- you tell me...”

“Do you have any family?” Dae Kyung suddenly interrupted him.

“What?..”

“Like, is there anyone you live with? A girlfriend?”

“Well, no...”

“Really? How interesting...”

“You really should've said you have someone at home,” Roy said.

Eui Sung couldn't understand why.

“...huh?” he accidentally said out loud.

“What?” Dae Kyung asked.

“No, nothing.”

That headache of his was getting noticeably horrible. In addition, it was suddenly getting much harder to verbalize his thoughts correctly. He wanted to tell Dae Kyung that his family was none of his business, but his mouth just wouldn't cooperate.

“It's...The living... none...”

What was happening to him? Why was Dae Kyung suddenly smiling so predatory?

“What are you trying to say there, little guy?”

“How much did you drink?” Roy’s voice could be heard somewhere in the distance. It held almost a worried tone to it. “I’ve told you not to drink too much, damnit.”

Eui Sung really wanted to protest that no, he shouldn’t be drunk at all, he’s only had like three glasses… wait, then what was the case?

Suddenly Dae Kyung hopped from his own seat to the one right next to Eui Sung.

He put his own hand on Eui Sung's, and his heart made a leap. His first instinct was to immediately pull it away, but to his own horror he realized it wouldn't fully obey. He could only make a weak attempt to free his hand, but Dae Kyung grabbed it really tight.

Eui Sung's heart was pounding so hard it felt like it would break his ribs. That was enough, he was done. He had to tell Roy, he needed to... but his mouth just wouldn't listen...

He started to speak, but Dae Kyung quickly placed his hand over his mouth.

“Shh, you don't want to say anything wrong now,” he whispered.

***

Meanwhile Na Byeol was nearly jumping from joy, as she finally was able to lay her hands on their target's safe. Number combination and a padlock? Pshh, not a problem for her. She was done in under a minute.

But having opened it, she was disappointed to see there were no gold bars. And no money whatsoever in general.

“What a cheapskate,” she huffed. “Didn't even leave any money for me!”

“This is not what we're after. Look for documents,” Roy reminded her.

“Yeah, yeah...”

There was only a folder and a closed shoebox in the safe. She figured the folder must be where their target kept the documents and everything important, so the shoebox was what had really caught her attention.

“There's some weird box, I wonder what's in it,” she said and went to open it.

What she saw inside almost made her drop it.

There were pictures, a lot of pictures. As she flipped through them she wanted to puke more and more, and her eyes widened in horror.

“Roy, turn the car around,” she said, the tone of her voice having completely changed.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Forget me, you need to drive back and get Eui Sung out, now,” without a second thought he complied, turning the van around to drive back where he came from.

“Why? What did you find?” his voice was steady, but his stomach grew an uneasy feeling. Without noticing he pressed on the gas pedal to drive even faster.

“There are pictures of... of... people...”

“I got it.”

Na Byeol didn't need to continue for him to understand that those weren't pictures of cute puppies and butterflies that were kept in their target's safe. Suddenly it made sense why he spent so much time at the bar. It made him sick.

Next thing he realized he hadn't even heard any kind of complaint or protest from Eui Sung about the fact that they decided to pull the plug on his mission. It could be, of course, due to him not being able to speak next to someone, but still Roy couldn't help but feel even more anxious.

“Hacker, can you hear me?” no answer. “Clear your throat if you can hear me,” only silence in response once again. Roy cursed and punched the steering wheel.

“Is his earbud not working?” Na Byeol asked in a weak voice.

“It couldn't have broken on its own. It must've been found by Dae Kyung.”

Not to mention that Eui Sung turning it off voluntarily was out of the question. All of them know not to turn it off under any circumstances.

“Ah, what are we even going to do?” Na Byeol lamented. Panic was evident in her voice, but Roy couldn't have that.

“Na Byeol, focus on your own escape right now. Don't worry about Eui Sung, I'm going to go and get him.”

“Please hurry. He's there all alone now, no doubt scared out of his mind,” she said.

Roy bit his lip. He really couldn't bring himself to tell her that, considering who their target was, Eui Sung getting only scared would be the perfect outcome.

***

Dae Kyung cupped Eui Sung’s cheek with one hand and reached towards his ear with the other. Eui Sung wanted to scream at him not to touch him there, but his mouth might as well have been full of wool. He blinked, and the next moment he saw his earbud drown in the contents of the glass. Even through the thick fog in his brain he could understand that it was very, very bad. His one chance to call for help was gone.

He could only stare at it blankly, and Dae Kyung snickered, pinching Eui Sung's cheek.

“That's right, I knew about your little toy. I noticed it back when you turned around and exposed your left ear to me. Turns out, some other people have been listening in on our little date all this time. But no matter... Now we are finally truly alone.”

And if Eui Sung's muscles didn't feel completely numb at that moment, he would definitely shudder with his whole body. Suddenly Dae Kyung dropped what little had remained of his nice act, and his face distorted to that of a true maniac.

Next moment Eui Sung felt the last crumbs of strength leave him, a heavy hand landed on his shoulders, and his head dropped on the counter with a dull thud.

“Oh gosh, look at you. That last glass was definitely one too many, eh?” Dae Kyung purred. He then turned to the bartender with a toothy smile. “I apologize, my friend here had a bit too much. I always tell him, he should be more careful, and still...” The oblivious bartender smiled sympathetically, and Dae Kyung continued. “I parked my car at the back, let me take him away.”

Dae Kyung took Eui Sung and half led, half dragged him to the back entrance. Eui Sung wanted to resist, screamed at his body to move even a muscle, but it was all in vain. Nothing was working, and the world around was spinning so quickly that he couldn't even focus on one point. He was completely helpless. Oh Roy, where are you?

He felt the night air hit his skin. The car was close now. With each step they took Eui Sung felt more and more dread. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't even raise a finger to try and fight off. He knew he couldn't fight anyway, but this was on a whole another level. He was completely at the mercy of a sick and twisted pervert.

“There we are, little friend,” Dae Kyung said with a grin in his voice. “Almost there.”

Eui Sung wanted to cry. Please don't open that door, he begged inwardly, anything but this... Somebody help me...

Dae Kyung’s hand fell on the door handle, and Eui Sung's heart sunk… when suddenly he felt incredible lightness. Dae Kyung’s other hand that was supporting him was gone, and next second he found himself sitting on the ground with his back against the car.

Through rapidly blurring vision he only saw two dark silhouettes, and heard vague noises of someone fighting. For a minute he was only hearing rhythmic punches, and wondered what was going on.

After the hitting stopped, the silhouette moved towards him, and Eui Sung's heart picked up the pace again, when a face appeared in front of his eyes, and he could recognize...

Roy!

The relief hit Eui Sung immediately. Boy was he glad to see him! He could barely see straight, but even like that he was able to see Roy's eyes filled with worry. He felt wetness on his face, and right after that Roy's rough hand through his jacket's sleeve on his cheek. The other man had said something to him, but he couldn't hear. His consciousness was quickly slipping, and very soon the world around him submerged into darkness.

***

Two minutes earlier…

Roy practically tore the door off when he ran into the bar. He scanned the crowd, but couldn't find neither Dae Kyung nor Eui Sung. He sprinted to the counter and spoke to the man behind it.

“There were two people here. One in his thirties, and the younger one had blond hair and glasses,” he hastily explained. The bartender nodded in understanding.

“You missed them by just a minute. The blond guy got messed up, so his friend had to take him home.”

Roy's hair stood on ends.

“Where.”

“They exited through the back door. Maybe you'll catch them, if...”

But he didn't get to finish the sentence, as Roy was already gone.

Oh please, let me be on time.

In a flash he found himself outside and staring at the horrible scene: their target was dragging Eui Sung who couldn’t even stand upright towards his car ready to take off and do god knows what to him.

Roy saw red.

He ran up to Dae Kyung, and practically tore him off from Eui Sung. The latter then immediately lost his balance, slid down the car’s surface and just sat on the ground.

“Who the hell…” Dae Kyung began, but Roy didn’t let him finish. He punched him and knocked him down on the ground, and then proceeded to punch him again, and again, and again. He stopped only when he realized he was hearing some strange noise. Then he realized that it was Na Byeol’s voice calling his name.

“Roy! Roy! Can you hear me? What’s happening?!”

Dae Kyung was completely unconscious now, and even though Roy’s rage would only completely disappear if he killed the motherfucker, he reminded himself what was more important at that moment.

He rushed to Eui Sung, kneeling in front of him to check him over. Thankfully he didn’t find any injuries. Eui Sung’s glassy eyes stared somewhere through him, but he still saw some semblance of relief on his face. A tear ran down Eui Sung’s cheek, and it broke Roy’s heart. He went to wipe it with the sleeve of his jacket, so as not to get blood on Eui Sung’s face.

“I’m sorry for being so late. You’re safe now. Let’s get you home.”

After that Eui Sung’s eyes rolled back, and he lost consciousness, his head dropping to the side. Roy sighed and went to pick him up from the ground.

“Roy? How is Eui Sung?”

Roy looked at his load.

“I’m assuming he got roofied. He’s unconscious now. I’m taking him back to the van.”

Na Byeol was silent for a minute, likely processing that information.

“Okay… I’ve already texted Tae Joon and Soo Kyung, they’re coming back too.”

“Alright, meet you at the headquarters.”

***

Eui Sung woke up and immediately wished he hadn’t. He tried to sit up, but then groaned and clutched his head. Somehow that dull headache from yesterday still persisted even today, and was twice, if not three times as bad. Wait, yesterday? What even happened yesterday? A surge of panic went through him, and he attempted to get up again to assess the situation.

“I would advise you to lie back down,” he heard a voice. It was Roy. So Roy was here, huh. It instantly made things better, and he relaxed, feeling much safer.

He looked around the room as much as he could without turning his head too much and realized he was back at the headquarters. His body was covered with a warm blanket. He had no recollection of how he’d gotten here, or what had even happened after he’d gotten into the conversation with their target.

“How are you feeling?” Roy asked him.

A wave of nausea hit him, and he squeezed his eyes shut, a slight moan escaping his lips.

“Like shit,” he managed.

Roy hummed and squatted down next to him. Eui Sung flinched slightly from the sudden movement, but then he saw Roy was only handing him a glass of water.

“Better to stay hydrated,” he said plainly.

“Thanks,” he said, taking the glass. Roy helped him get up a little bit so that he could drink. Even that little movement made his stomach twist with nausea once more, and he nearly gagged. Roy laid him back down, and after waiting a few seconds until his stomach calmed down, he finally asked the question that had been bugging him since he’d woken up.

“What happened?”

“You got drugged and nearly kidnapped, then you passed out and I took you back to the base.”

“…oh.”

Memories came flooding back in. Images of events of the previous evening flashed before his eyes: Dae Kyung’s ugly smile, his hands on his face, the bar’s back door, the car…

All of it came back at once, threatening to completely overwhelm him. His heart picked up the pace, and suddenly it was harder and harder to breathe…

“Hacker?” Roy was right at his side instantly. “Hey, Jung Eui Sung. Just breathe, okay? It’s all over, you’re safe now.”

For a few seconds Eui Sung was simply breathing, in and out, until he was back in the present.  

“Sorry…” he swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut. “You must think I’m a total loser right now.”

“Not at all,” Roy replied. “You just went through something traumatic, it’s only natural to freak out.”

Eui Sung couldn’t find what to reply. He fully expected Roy to, well, maybe not mock him openly, but he still messed up where Roy would definitely never.

“I made a mistake…” he said. “I ruined the mission. I…”

Roy demonstratively sighed so loud that Eui Sung had to quiet down.

“You did not ruin anything, okay? And also, do you have any idea how that happened? At what point did he spike your drink, I mean.”

Eui Sung had to pause to think about it. He made sure to watch his glass at all times, even though he did not expect something like this, but there was one moment. If he had to guess then it would be…

“When some loud noise distracted me,” he started recalling. “A couple was having an argument, and the woman caused a scene. I turned away from Dae Kyung and from my drink for a moment because I got startled when she broke a glass.”

Roy closed his eyes and frowned. Eui Sung was already anticipating an earful, but instead all Roy said was:

“I see,” then, after a pause he continued. “So it was premeditated after all. He either was originally targeting someone else and switched to you, jumping at the opportunity, or planned for a random attack, and you were simply there at the wrong time. People like him would stop at nothing to get their way, so it would’ve happened no matter what, and it’s not your fault.”

“…Wow, okay. I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel better, or be in even more misery.”

Roy breathed out the faintest laugh.

“It’s your choice, Hacker.”

They heard the metal gate slide to the side and several footsteps go down the stairs to their headquarters.

“Jung Eui Sung!”

“Eui Sung-ah!”

It was Na Byeol together with Tae Joon and Soo Kyung. They saw that he was awake now, and rushed to his side. They wouldn’t have been able to do anything, but they simply had a strong need to make sure their teammate and friend was relatively okay. Obviously, he still felt the aftereffects of the drug, and was shaken to a great extent, but Roy was just in time to prevent something much more horrible from happening.

Their loud voices felt like someone was hitting Eui Sung’s head with a hammer. Against own desire, he flinched and quietly hissed.

Noticing that Roy has brought his finger to his lips, wordlessly telling everyone to mind their volume.

“Oh, sorry, sorry,” Soo Kyung whispered.

“How are you feeling?” Tae Joon asked, voice as soft and gentle as ever.

“Like shit,” he repeated his own words. “Okay, maybe just slightly better than when I’d woken up. My head’s killing me.”

“It’s gonna be like that for some time. I’m afraid you’ll have to get through it,” Roy said.

“How long?” Na Byeol turned to Roy with worried eyes.

“A day. Maybe two.”

Meanwhile Soo Kyung squatted next to Eui Sung and put her hand on his forehead. He leaned into her touch with gratefulness, as her cold hand felt medicinal to his devastating headache.

“What did we tell you, ah?” she murmured. “Be safe. Why didn’t you listen?”

“Sorry…” Eui Sung replied.

“Yeah, what did you do?” Na Byeol started.

“I got distracted, and he used the moment to spike my drink,” Eui Sung admitted to everyone.

“What?! How could you be so careless?”

“Na Byeol…” Tae Joon stopped her.

“It could be any of us,” Roy said. Everyone turned to him in question. “The couple were most likely his accomplices. It’s a classic scheme: some paid actors create a distraction and make the victim look away while the guy uses the moment to mix in the drug,” Eui Sung looked taken aback. He didn’t even consider the possibility that that wasn’t a coincidence. “Even if that didn’t work, no doubt they had a plan B, or even C. I’ve told you it’s not your fault.”

Soo Kyung gasped softly. “What rascals… Unbelievable.”

Eui Sung swallowed hard and then turned his eyes to Tae Joon. “What happened to Dae Kyung?”

“He’s at the police’s hands now. Drugging and kidnapping attempt is a completely different matter,” he said. “I’ve called detective Park right away, they’ve already searched their house. Turns out real estate fraud isn’t the worst of his crimes. They’ve found evidence of serial abduction and sexual assault, all documented with intent to blackmail the victims if they threaten to go to the police later.”

Eui Sung felt his throat close up just the smallest bit. That means if Roy hadn’t been there…

Soo Kyung ran her hand through his hair. “We’re just glad nothing too horrible happened,” she reassured, “and you’re safe now.”

You didn’t have to tell Eui Sung twice. The thought that something similar could happen to him made him physically shudder.

“What, do you need another blanket?” Na Byeol asked. And for the first time Eui Sung didn’t hear any sarcasm in her voice. It felt really weird.

“No…” he replied. “I’m just… a little freaked out I guess.”

“I know you don’t want to think about it right now, but you will need to give a statement to the police later when you’re better,” Tae Joon told Eui Sung Sung. “Would you be okay?”

Eui Sung pondered on it for a second. Right now all he wanted was to go back to sleep to forget about the whole thing and get rid of his horrible migraine. But they also needed to get that scumbag behind bars for as long as possible. So he gathered up his strength and nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Okay, that’s good,” Tae Joon patted him on the shoulder. “Now… I and Soo Kyung have to go for now, but we’ll leave Roy and Na Byeol with you.”

“Rest up, Eui Sung-ah,” Soo Kyung told him and slightly ruffled his hair.

After that they both left.

Eui Sung was already exhausted by this whole interaction. And it was probably very noticeable since both Na Byeol and Roy turned around to leave him alone.

“Don’t go,” he unconsciously called out to them.

“We aren’t going anywhere, we’ll be around the headquarters,” Roy told him. “I just could use a snack.”

“Yeah, Leader would have our heads if we left you.”

“Oh, okay,” at this point Eui Sung’s eyelids were lowering on their own. “Don’t do anything weird to my face while I sleep,” he murmured.

“It would be very funny,” Na Byeol said, “but now we’re just not in the mood.”

But Eui Sung couldn’t hear those words anymore, he had already dozed off. He slept mostly peacefully, knowing that his teammates and best friends would watch over him and would not let anything or anyone get to him.

#whump #whump writing #fanfic #ao3 #leverage: con artists #kdrama whump #jung eui sung #go na byul #roy ryu #whump fanfiction #whump fic #allinory's writing #idfk how to format your fics okay go read it on ao3 like a normal person #but also pls like and share this post 👉👈

[maries-gallery]

Hi auther-chan. Can I request a small tiny little cute fluff hc pretty pls ✨✨😢, about eren x reader like what makes make your believe that he won't cheat and be faithful, because I am overthinker and I am really really sensitive about being unfaithful or vice versa, so pls add some sprinkle on fluff too, this will be a therapy for my mental health ♥️♥️✨😢

Hello Sarah ! I'm so sorry this has been in my inbox since... forever probably. But I hope you'll like it nonetheless <3 And honestly I can understand your fears. But just want to remind you that if someone cheats on you this is not on you.

This means nothing about you as a person and means nothing about your value, nor does it question how amazing you are.

This is entirely on the other person. Never you.

With that said, let's dig into this, shall we ?

genre : comfort

warnings : none

First thing first, having been raised by Carla, you better believe this man received an impeccable education. And one thing she certainly taught her son was to respect women and people in general.

That said, Eren has always frowned upon unfaithful and violent men. More likely to fight a cheating boyfriend in the streets than to become one himself. Disgust crawling up his veins and up to his scrunched up nose at the mere thought of infidelity.

Then, this wouldn't match his strong ideals and personal beliefs either. Considering everyone as equals and valuing honesty above all else, Eren would never in a million years cheat on his partner. Simply because if problem in the relationship there was, he'd rather confront you about it than search for solutions or relief in someone else's bed. He cares too much about you and the bond you share.

Finally, falling in love is a big deal for Eren. A trait that, even if it displeases him greatly, he shares with Jean. For the both of them, love, more than a short time thing, is a lifelong ride. You're not only his girlfriend but also the girl he sees himself with in the future and all the years to come. So, the idea of cheating never even crosses his mind as to him, from the moment he finds you, dating someone else is not on the menu anymore.

No for real, you might not believe it but this man has been fantasising about your marriage and children barely two months in in the relationship. The simple thought of a future with you enough to bring the softest of smiles to his lips, eyes so filled with love as he daydreams about your future house.

#gentle #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #attack on titans x reader #eren x reader #eren fluff #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger fluff #snk x reader #snk fluff #aot fluff

[eldritch-spouse]

Why does Krulu need a living body in the first place? Why don’t he just use a corpse as vessel, like he can do with Admin’s husk? There’s no mind, no will, no tempter. He just basically need a doll to do work and fuck. He could made Patches make a golem as vessel and there’s would be much less trouble with searching a perfect living being. Like, the ultimate bobble

And if Krulu just wanted to torture a human, he got plenty of them inside The Clergy. Also, according to lore humans are weak, Admin can’t handle most of Krulu’s power, so why don’t make an inanimate being that can?

Krulu just like being an asshole, am I right?

[Alright- *cracks knuckles*]

Why does he need a host?

I'm pretty sure this is in the masterlist. But, in case it's not. Krulu is in hiding. He's an escapist. The best way to muffle a siadar's presence is through mixing it with a host's "dullness", the perfect camouflage. Krulu can and will eventually let go of your body, but it's far too soon for such.

Why not a corpse?

I don't know about you, but being inside a corpse has got to be fucking nasty. I don't think any self-respecting god would do that. Or, at the very least, it would require reanimation, which is a whole lot of effort when you can simply just- Pick a living human??

Why not inanimate objects?

Simple. The best connection is one kept with a human. As Krulu's host, you're an anchor, a tether. Siadar are too much to simply possess an object. There needs to be a soul. An entity- Even animals will fail to hold them. Golems are only temporary solutions to a near-permanent problem as of now.

Husks are not ideal hosts, because, again, the soul has been snuffed out.

Why not monsters?

Monsters, save for angels, aren't direct creations of the siadar like humans, lessers who are, incredibly enough, more apt to handle gods than monsters themselves in spite of their perceived physical frailness.

The reason the siadar can't use monsters as hosts is because most monsters, no matter how humanoid, still possess siadar DNA, and thus, it's like trying to possess another one of their kind. No matter how insignificant, it's enough to cause rejection and possibly harm both parties in the process.

Krulu and Admin's particular case:

The reason Krulu struggled with Admin is not because they're "too weak to handle him"- Au contraire, they're actually one of the most adaptable humans out there, that's what gets them through the initial stage of contact.

The problem here resides mainly in two aspects:

1) Krulu has not attempted to possess anyone in way too long. He was rusty at it when he claimed Admin, which hurt the human in various ways that he then corrected. On top of that, he was not in the right mindset at the time to make a clean, painless transfer from Ludwig to Admin. It was a mess, nothing was on his side, but even then, it was a miraculous success.

2) With the end of contact between siadars and humans, the natural ability lessers possess to welcome gods within them is diminished from disuse and non-selective breeding surveillance by higher authorities. Admin is a diamond in a desert, per say.

Does Krulu just enjoy being an asshole?

Also yes.

Hope this makes sense.

#Krulu oc

[freckledjoes]

I am in a group chat and its a consistent thing where if I ask a question to clarify what someone meant, such as say news about an actors upcoming film, they ignore me (we all are online friends and follow the same people so maybe they assumed I knew or because so many people text back so quick its hard for me to get a word in...I piece it together pretty quick after searching online). Anyways, today multiple of the people kept mentioning Greece and Italy and Joe and im confused like did he mention it in an interview recently? Of course no one answered my question but I thought maybe you would know? I know there were those pap photos from last year with the boat, but the people in the chat made it sound like it wasn't about that

Hey! First of all, not to sound rude but... find some nicer friends if they consistently do this, you deserve better. Of course a question can be skipped sometimes by accident, but you ask it for a reason so of course it requires an answer. It would be weird to assume you already knew if you literally ask about it, you know? So as a quick solution: Feel free to ask me stuff like you're doing now :) Also feel free to shoot me a dm instead if you're comfortable. Either way, I'll do my best! I personally haven't seen any mentions of it as I was basically away from social media for the day, but I did watch clips of the SiriusXM interview, where he describes his ideal date being in Greece, on an island, eating some fish and having a nice salad and going for a swim. So I assume that's where the comments are coming from. Greece, because he was there last summer on a boat, and probably also Italy because he was spotted there like you said, with that girl on the boat. So both occasions kind of fit his dream scenario, you know? You can watch the interview in separate clips in this thread on Twitter :) If this hasn't answered your question entirely I'm afraid I'd need more info on what it was that they said that made you think it wasn't about those pap pics. Hope this helped! x

#she answers

[thyandrawrites]

hi! i'm sorry if you've already answered a question like this (i couldn't find anything but, well, the tumblr search is broken so that doesn't mean anything). i was wondering how you view aizawa. the way he's represented in fandom makes it seem like he's someone who cares deeply for his students and feels highly responsible for their well-being and who doesn't really respect the law or the police. so, if his students get into trouble he would also rather take care of that himself than get law enforcement involved.

but i was wondering if this is supported by anything in canon? because i can't really remember any scenes where this fanon-ascribed attitude comes across. and if this is just "made up," how would you characterize aizawa instead?

anyway, i hope you have a lovely day, take care <3

Hi! I hope you're having a lovely day, too.

First off, you'd probably have more luck asking this question to an aizawa blogger. I actually never liked him much, I have a strong negative opinion of his fanon version in particular, and as such my thoughts on him are very colored by that bias. If you're okay with all of that, then go ahead and check out my response under the cut. If not, please let's just let the topic die here because I don't really enjoy discussing him any more than I have to.

So. I think the fandom got attached to some of his early characterization traits, and sort of built off them, popularized them over time, and then never really updated their reading to fit with later manga developments. I find fanonzawa a very idealized and #dad material version of what he could've been, but isn't really, not entirely at least.

Aizawa does indeed care a lot about his students. I don't want to deny that. But he's never actually challenged authority to protect them, canonically. In fact, he's very much lawful and a stickler for the rules. Often to a fault.

Even in early arcs, when he does protect his students, he always does so within the law and the rules, but never in opposition to them. This is shown in many subtle things. When summer camp is under attack, and Deku breaks the law once again by using his quirk without permission, he authorizes all students to fight back to legally shield them from repercussions.

Even when he consciously knows that the UA entrance exam is flawed and enables discrimination and elitism, he doesn't fight against it but simply limits himself to grumbling about it. He's a teacher. He has sway to bring up the issue to the school. Yet his solution is once again to act within the existing rules—bending them to achieve what he wants, yes, but still acting within them. So he trains Shinsou on the side, and gets him to transfer to the hero course by exploiting the existing regulations instead of changing them to be fairer and preventing future students from running into the same issue.

This is written as his main character flaw, how logic and rule-abiding are his go-to, and his main obstacle to character growth. After losing Shirakumo, he hides away behind pragmatism instead of believing he has the power to change things, to make a difference himself (=idealism). Shirakumo believed in saving a stray because it was the right thing to do, Aizawa left it to die because he didn't think he could take care of it.

But rather than building off from that disconnect between logic and feelings, I find that the fandom kinda... runs over any flaws Aizawa has to paint him as an idealized dad figure who always does the right thing and always saves the day by defeating the big bad and going against authority. Which... doesn't really align with his character that much imho.

Canon Aizawa was fine using one of his students as bait for All for One. And sure, he might've rationalized it as a plan designed to give Aoyama a chance to prove himself, but that's exactly the root of the issue. How Aizawa is too rational, too pragmatic, often to a fault. His trauma blind him to how he's literally putting children in the line of danger by dragging them to a war. Because he doesn't think he has what it takes to keep them safe, he defaults to pragmatism, to authority, and attempts to protect his students within the existing rules, even if this isn't actually in their best interest. Twice now he got the order from above that there would be a war and that students would be on the frontlines to thicken their ranks, and yet we don't see him struggling with this at all. You know, despite the fact that his best friend died young by fighting in a battle he wasn't prepared for. But because Aizawa isn't idealistic, and doesn't believe in himself, he doesn't challenge this at any point, and instead defaults to trying to make the most of adverse circumstances.

I would find him much more fun to read about if he was actually allowed any complexity. But as none of this seems to find much space in fanworks, and then it creeps its way into how people read canon as well, his character really isn't for me.

(sidenote, if you disagree with any of this that's fine. Please don't try to debate me tho because I really don't care about him enough to entertain any discourse. I'm aware my reading of him isn't popular and I'm fine staying in my lane and enjoying content catered to other characters indead. Thank you)

#ali replies

[spacetimewithstuartgary]

Elusive planets play “hide and seek” with CHEOPS With the help of the CHEOPS space telescope an international team of European astronomers managed to clearly identify the existence of four new exoplanets. The four mini-Neptunes are smaller and cooler, and more difficult to find than the so-called Hot Jupiter exoplanets which have been found in abundance. Two of the four resulting papers are led by researchers from the University of Bern and the University of Geneva who are also members of the National Centre of Competence in Research (NCCR) PlanetS. CHEOPS is a joint mission by the European Space Agency (ESA) and Switzerland, under the leadership of the University of Bern in collaboration with the University of Geneva. Since its launch in December 2019, the extremely precise measurements of CHEOPS have contributed to several key discoveries in the field of exoplanets. NCCR PlanetS members Dr. Solène Ulmer-Moll of the Universities of Bern and Geneva, and Dr. Hugh Osborn of the University of Bern, exploited the unique synergy of CHEOPS and the NASA satellite TESS, in order to detect a series of elusive exoplanets. The planets, called TOI 5678 b and HIP 9618 c respectively, are the size of Neptune or slightly smaller with 4.9 and 3.4 Earth radii. The respective papers have just been published in the journals Astronomy & Astrophysics and Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society. Publishing in the same journals, two other members of the international team, Amy Tuson from the University of Cambridge (UK) and Dr. Zoltán Garai from the ELTE Gothard Astrophysical Observatory (Hungary), used the same technique to identify two similar planets in other systems. The synergy of two satellites The CHEOPS satellite observes the luminosity of stars in order to capture the slight dimming that occurs when, and if, an orbiting planet happens to pass in front of its star from our point of view. By searching for these dimming events, called “transits”, scientists have been able to discover the majority of the thousands of exoplanets known to orbit stars other than our Sun. “NASA’s TESS satellite excels at detecting the transits of exoplanets, even for the most challenging small planets. However, it changes its field of view every 27 days in order to scan rapidly most of the sky, which prevents it from finding planets on longer orbital periods,” explains Hugh Osborn. Still, the TESS satellite was able to observe single transits around the stars TOI 5678 and HIP 9618. When returning to the same field of view after two years, it could again observe similar transits around the same stars. Despite these observations, it was still not possible to conclude unequivocally to the presence of planets around those stars as information was incomplete. “This is where CHEOPS comes into play: Focusing on a single-star at a time, CHEOPS is a follow-up mission which is perfect to continue observing these stars to find the missing bits of information,” complements Solène Ulmer-Moll. A lengthy game of “hide and seek” Suspecting the presence of exoplanets, the CHEOPS team designed a method to avoid spending blindly precious observing time in the hope to detect additional transits. They adopted a targeted approach based on the very few clues the transits observed by TESS provided. Based on this, Osborn developed a software which proposes and prioritizes candidate periods for each planet. “We then play a sort of ‘hide and seek’ game with the planets, using the CHEOPS satellite,” as Osborn says. “We point CHEOPS towards a target at a given time, and depending if we observe a transit or not, we can eliminate some of the possibilities and try again at another time until there is a unique solution for the orbital period.” It took five and four attempts respectively for the scientists to clearly confirm the existence of the two exoplanets and determine that TOI 5678 b has a period of 48 days, while HIP 9618 c has a period of 52.5 days. Ideal targets for the JWST The story does not end there for the scientists. With the newly found constrained periods, they could turn to ground-based observations using another technique called radial velocity, which enabled the team to determine masses of respectively 20 and 7.5 Earth masses for TOI 5678 b and HIP 9618 c. With both the size and mass of a planet, its density is known, and scientists can get an idea of what it is made off. “For mini-Neptunes however, density is not enough, and there are still a few hypotheses as for the composition of the planets: they could either be rocky planets with a lot of gas, or planets rich in water and with a very steamy atmosphere,” explains Ulmer-Moll. “Since the four newly discovered exoplanets are orbiting bright stars, it also makes them targets of prime interest for the mission of the James Webb Space Telescope JWST which might help to solve the riddle of their composition,” Ulmer-Moll continues. Most exoplanets atmospheres observed so far have been from Hot Jupiters, which are very big and hot exoplanets orbiting close to their parent star. “The four new planets which we detected have much more moderate temperatures of ‘only’ 217 to 277ºC. These temperatures enable clouds and molecules to survive, which would otherwise be destroyed by the intense heat of Hot Jupiters. And they may potentially be detected by the JWST,” as Osborn explains. Smaller in size and with a longer orbital period than Hot Jupiters, the four newly detected planets are a first step towards the observation of transiting Earth-like planets TOP IMAGE....Cheops confirmed the existence of four warm exoplanets with sizes between Earth and Neptune, orbiting their stars closer than Mercury our Sun. These so-called mini- Neptunes are unlike any planet in our Solar System and provide a 'missing link' that is not yet understood. Mini-Neptunes are among the most common types of planets known, and astronomers are starting to find more and more orbiting bright stars.© ESA LOWER IMAGE....Artist's impression of CHEOPS. © ESA / ATG medialab

#space #science #Astronomy #physics #news #esa #exoplanets

[catherine-james1]

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[calendulacraft]

Simple Slow Fashion :: taking out a too-tiny mini skirt

Picture this: you are searching through a pile of second hand clothing and find something super cute but ... way too small.

A couple of months ago I was in this exact predicament when a friend gifted me a pile of clothes that no longer fit her, or were in need of repair in some way. One item in the pile was this white mini skirt that had shrunk & shrunk over the years, making it unwearable to either of us.

Looking at this skirt I had a vision of what it could become with a little needle work. I saw myself taking out this skirt in a visible   (and hopefully) fashionable way by adding panels of floral fabric on either side. So, I selected this and a few other items from the pile and took them home to be mended, up-cyled, or totally transformed and thus, fuel for this and future mending tutorials I will be sharing with the tumblr crafting community!

We have all heard of "taking in" clothing, especially in the context of hand-me-downs from older siblings. In this tutorial however, I want to do the opposite: "take out" this skirt and gift it to my younger sister.

She in return was the model in the pictures you will see throughout this post. Thanks Jana!

Step One ::

To begin we must do the most difficult part --- cutting up a perfectly good garment in the hopes of improving it. It is really important to plan well before taking scissors to clothing. As I want to add to the structure of this garment rather than taking it down to scraps, I was careful to leave the whole front of the skirt as is.

That is to say: to embark on this mend cut just behind the seam of the front of the fabric and keep the front pockets intact.

I did this by first marking with a pin where I wanted to cut then turning the skirt inside out so that I could clearly see the in-seam. Cut carefully, please!

Step Two ::

Now, I needed to add the extra panels to each side that will widen the skirt. Ideally, you would be making this alteration for yourself, or have the model nearby from whom you could measure just how much to add. My sister was far away while I worked on this skirt so I had to guess-estimate how much to add. It turned out I was pretty close but now wish I had added just a quarter inch or so more to each panel. Oh well!

Remember, the hips are a particularly curvy area of the body so you will likely need to add a bit of a curve to these panels. More than likely the edge of the front and back of the skirt will have a bit of curve to them from which to guide the shape of the panels.

Step Three ::

Now, sew! You can either sew by hand or with a machine. I did a combination of both because some sections of the skirt had many layers and I didn't want to force my machine.

I suggest trying on the skirt throughout the process. I wasn't totally sure how much fabric to add to each side and solutioned this by making panels extra wide and adapting as I worked on this skirt. I am about the same size as my sister but it would be best to have exact measurements of the person you are tailoring this for.

Take note that denim clothing often have little metal studs to hold the pockets together, these will definitely break a needle on a sewing machine if you try to go over one.

Better be safe & slow than sorry and sew around the pockets by hand.

Step Four ::

Optional, but fun.

I wanted to add a little bit more presonalization to this project and replaced the tags with one of my own design to match the panels I had added to each side.

And, here it is! From way too small to a perfect fit:

I am very pleased with how this turned out and so was my sister who has a deep love for 1990's and early 2000's fashion. Normally I am very shy about modeling my designs so I do appreciate her love of being in front of the camera. She was also kind enough to model my mending kits!

Throughout this entire project I found my handy sewing kit to be very helpful. In fact, I use my kit in just about every mending or upcycling project ... and if you are interested in acquiring one of your own, you can find one in my shop.

#slow fashion #tutorial #mending tutorial #ecological fashion #handmade #handsewn #DIY #DIY fashion #sewing 101 #mending #sewing tutorial #upcycling #upcycled fashion #mending culture

[reginrokkr]

...This was the only method to which I could resort in order to preserve him. What if he cannot be restored? I'm scared... This is different from that time with Cater, but... No, I must be calm. Rene needs my help, now more than ever... What is the most reasonable course of action he would take at this time... I need to first keep his condition under wraps so that the Ordo will not collapse... I need to come up with some reasonable pretense, though I'm not sure how long it'll hold... We need to at least ensure the Tower of Gestalt's completion...

...The stark contrast between how he'd always say so much to me and the present is utterly heart-wrenching... There should still be hope. According to our research, if we can further break down and purify... Director Lyris's essence... Perhaps with the principles behind the ancient golems... If all goes well, we should also be able to cure Cater...

...In the end, Ann departed in great sorrow. I should not have lost my temper so, but I did not know how to answer her, and I did not wish to deceive her. Alain is through with us — I do not wish to lose her too... But as long as Rene is restored, surely, she and Alain will...

...I've been interpreting the data in search of a solution and sharing the results with Rene. There has still been no response, but I can already envision his response with perfect clarity: criticizing the Universitas Magistrorum for putting the cart before the horse, neglecting the fundamental principles underlying everything, and diving straight the details of how to put those techniques to use... How they inverted even the alchemical stages for other purposes...

...I have successfully re-extracted that part of the persona and stored it in the Orthants, at least... The connection with the primordial waters... I've penned research notes like a man possessed. Rene will be quite surprised when the time comes...

...It seems that there was an alchemist from Khaenri'ah named "R" who joined a secret order. From what fragmentary records exist, it appears that they made significant headway. But the available materials are scarce... If Rene doesn't recover, the Ordo will slowly dissolve. And if we were all mistaken, and the colossal beasts and apocalypse are false, will there be others who shall research the trail left behind, as I am now...?

...This idea needs to be tested on someone else first. But that means... ...I'm afraid there's no other way. No other way out...

...The conscious creation that arose from this... showed great promise. Perhaps I've finally found the right approach... ...Placed in the silver basin, gleaming. I taught them language and natural philosophy... ...I've decided to teach them how to paint, which could help exercise their newly grown prosthetic limbs... ...Generated a near-identical persona... Dissolved and dispersed. It saddens me somewhat, but I believe...

...The ones that ultimately survived were unstable blobs of water with rudimentary human forms. It seems that relying on the sword and Lyris's nature alone is insufficient... did think of Cater's remains. I have a few ideas...

...With these, along with some of the leftover material from Cater's current state... I'll use the pocketwatch Alain gave me as the cornerstone to construct Rene's form. I've never dared part with it, as it represents all the time Rene and I had shared. We were much luckier than those who dream still in those circular ruins... Reconstruction according to my design should be possible...

...I have named him. All that remains is to implant... He will not remember his two previous failures— these setbacks could obstruct his path to transcendence. He shall become our ideal Narzissenkreuz. He shall take long strides and walk far ahead of me once more, casting his slender shadow in the sun. He shall guide us in shaping a new future, one in which there will be a place for Alain and Ann...

...What remains of them can be used as material for other experiments. For example, we can graft them onto those who have lost their intellect...

                                                                                                           —Log.

#◟༺✦༻◞ fragments of light from the roots of truth ┊reference.┊ #◟༺✦༻◞ memories are all but forgotten in the river of time ┊queue.┊