#and the funny bit is that everyone is like ‘ugh you cannot get RID of dandelion’ like

[hanzajesthanza]

“what does geralt get from that friendship…”

another post examining the weight of geralt and dandelion’s friendship… because i don’t think people recognize how painful and debilitating loneliness can become.

the witcher as a deconstruction of the genre takes fantasy tropes to their most logical ends—it asks us to consider what The Lone Swordsman feels, looks into the humanity in a Cold-Blooded Killer. and it turns out he’s not cold-blooded at all.

that despite some superhuman abilities, he laments and worries and curses himself, just like any other worker of any other profession. just as the farmer is scorched by the sun, the washerwoman’s back aches, and the scholar goes half-blind studying, a witcher deals with all of the pains and annoyances and dangers of his job in a mundanely human way.

but the farmer, the washerwoman, and the scholar have something the witcher does not have—they’ll always be seen as human and part of their society. at the end of the day after enduring all of their labor, they have their wife to caress, festivities to attend, and taverns to frequent. but for a witcher? after the killing is over, what does he have? no one and nothing. not even a thank you. he is met with fear and hatred everywhere he goes, baseless bigotry and dislike.

I did my job. I quickly learned how. I’d ride up to village enclosures or town pickets and wait. If they spat, cursed and threw stones, I rode away. If someone came out to give me a commission, I’d carry it out.

so he faces not just loneliness, but being deliberately ostracized and cast out from society. geralt can’t even find a polite word in most settlements, much less a friend.

‘(…) Tell me, where should I go? And for what? At least here some people have gathered with whom I have something to talk about. People who don’t break off their conversations when I approach. People who, though they may not like me, say it to my face, and don’t throw stones from behind a fence. (…)’

this kind of loneliness is not a mere inconvenience. it’s completely altering to your self-perception and ability to see the positive in the world.

each day is not lived, but endured.

day in, and day out—forced to the most difficult and lowest labor in order to survive, and knowing that were you to die, no one would search for your body, few would miss you, hell, they might even spit “good riddance”.

in this situation, to find a friend, is not only friendship, but a rescue.

without dandelion, geralt may have drowned—drowned in solitude, amidst a sea of strangeness.

‘(…) And I’m alone, completely alone, endlessly alone among the strange and hostile elements. Solitude amid a sea of strangeness. Don’t you dream of that?’

No, I don’t, he thought. I have it every day.

because dandelion is not only a bright soul, characteristic rippling laughter and the strum of a lute, but someone who will intently listen to geralt, someone who mutually enjoys his company.

‘(…) you almost jumped out of your pants with joy to have a companion. Until then, you only had your horse for company.’

someone who doesn’t see him as strange and at the fringes of society at all, but as an utterly normal man.

and doesn’t impose demeaning, sappy sympathy onto him, but sobering and realistic “quit your bullshit” which ridicules the very thought that he should internalize societal hatred.

Do you know what your problem is, Geralt? You think you’re different. (…) [You don’t understand that] for people who think clear-headedly you’re the most normal man under the sun, and they all wish that everybody was so normal. What of it that you have quicker reflexes than most and vertical pupils in sunlight? That you can see in the dark like a cat? That you know a few spells? Big deal.

dandelion isn’t “willing” to accept geralt for himself—he already has accepted him. and to him, it’s no difficulty, it’s nothing worth discussing, because he sees no abnormality and no strangeness in him.

while others “prefer the company of lepers to witchers,” dandelion has already offered geralt to share his room and board. not out of sympathetic pity, not out of fetishizing curiosity. because… they’re friends.

and what else does this friendship save him from?

not only from others, but from himself.

worse than enduring others’ apathy and hatred is one’s own thoughts—the darkness and negativity which builds from witnessing and experiencing such behavior.

dandelion’s ability to counter and dispel geralt’s pessimism and self-flagellating tendencies—again, not out of pity, but out of friendship—is undeniably invaluable. someone to rescue you from your darkest thoughts, when you begin to spiral.

and in this darkness, all you can do is cry. you cry, beg for someone to help you, please—

Help! Why doesn't anyone help me? Alone, weak, helpless – I can't move, can't force a sound from my constricted throat. Why does no one come to help me? I'm terrified!

to be alone, the saga reminds us, is worse than a death sentence. to be alone is to “perish; stabbed, beaten or kicked to death, defiled, like a toy passed from hand to hand.” to be alone is to suffer, and to be with someone is to save them from that suffering.

'(…) I wouldn't like anything bad to happen to you. I like you too much, owe you too much-'

'You've said that already. What do you owe me, Yennefer?'

The sorceress turned her head away, did not say anything for a while.

'You travelled with him,' she said finally. 'Thanks to you he was not alone. You were a friend to him. You were with him.'

it is true that geralt has saved dandelion countless times, helped him, gotten him out of some scrape… but to ask what did geralt get in return? are you kidding me?

did you ever consider that it is dandelion who saved geralt?

by being with him. by being by his side. by being his friend.

indeed, dandelion has rescued geralt, countless times, from the yawning jaws of endless loneliness. he’s helped him, chased away the danger of geralt’s own rumination. and he’s gotten him out of scrapes, his own insecurities and bitter helplessness.

so what does dandelion give geralt? what does geralt get from their friendship?

an amusing question. what one gets from friendship is the friendship itself. and that is more than enough.

#the witcher books #gerlion #geralt of rivia #dandelion #jaskier #the parallels with ciri’s story makes me so emotional like… #ciri is just geralt but younger and alone. and thus she suffers so immensely #i included ciri’s nightmare because i think that’s how it feels to be alone #you just cry out ‘help! why won’t someone help me?’ and no one answers #and the funny bit is that everyone is like ‘ugh you cannot get RID of dandelion’ like #i think that’s the most comforting and relieving thing about him. he will never leave and abandon geralt. #there is nothing geralt *would* or *could* do to ever push him away #the kind of friendship where you never worry about being too ‘weird’ for them because they straight up dont care if youre weird #honestly idk how more people dont see them like this because i feel like loneliness is so pervasive right now #does everyone else just have this kind of best friend and for that reason take dandelion’s presence for granted #s: i want to be by your side #c: geralt #c: dandelion #excerpt #analysis #like. this is how it is: #the entire world: ‘you’re nothing you’re worthless and you’re inhuman’ #dandelion is NOT like ‘omgggg of course you are something 🥺🥺 pwease don’t think badly like that’ #no. he’s like ‘the hell? that’s the stupidest thing ive ever heard. why the hell are you even listening to that’ #dandelion has a kind of masculine energy that the fandom does not like lmao

[dreamwritesimagines]

“Yet, it wasn’t enough to stop you.” they’re like horny teenager sneaking around this is so cute and so funny at the same time LMAO. but awww :(( Anthony didn’t get to do Aftercare which is very very important and which is prolly why she feels a bit iffy afterwards. 

“Last night was perfect, and so had been the morning—up until that point.” sigh......i mean, what did i say last time. it’s never going to be easy, especially when you hear it constantly. and she really needs to open up to Anthony about it too!

the museum! <3 it still baffles me that Cece actually owns a museum all bc of one (1) painting she liked but Elias just said, nope you’re having ALL OF THEM ALSKASK. we love a whipped golden retriever <3 “Of course,” you lied through your teeth. ugggggh she needs to stop bottling this upppp. she’s not helping herself by shouldering this alone tbh. “Vices and Virtues theme” ....inch-resting.... and the men going as vices and the ladies as virtues...sounds about right lmao in that era, at least. “What is Anthony going to be by the way? Lust?” Cece always making all the sense LMAO BC THAT’S SO FITTING. but what would he wear tho?? a white button up with all the buttons undone? LMAO Cherie would DIE. i mean tbh, Anthony could literally wear anything and he’d STILL be the personification of Lust lmao. “But then we realized Elias is going to be there, so…” pfft, i say go for it. make Elias squirm LMAO. “He will be Pride.” lmao yeah, that’s fitting as well alksalkslaks

“Wrath.” course she is!!! AND I CANNOT WAIT FOR HER BAD BITCH ENTRANCE!! as t.swift once said, she don’t dress for women! she don’t dress for men! SHE’S DRESSING FOR REVENGE! she’s on her Vigilante Shit™ and i am HERE FOR IT.

“You will tell me what’s wrong.” THANK U CECE. i love her so much. like i loveeeee how nothing ever gets past her and ugh their friendship <3

“Because it’s starting to feel less like we’re pretending each day.” gosh SHE NEEDS TO TALK TO HIM. like i’m sure it’s nothing, and she’s just getting into her head a lil. but i guess their moments are being cut short so she also can’t find the time really. and when they’re together their mouths are busy with.....other things. BUT STILL. TALK TO HIM.

“No, that’s not normal.” aslkalksalks why’d i find this so funny. obvs since Cherie is so energetic it is kinda weird that she’s tired but like, everyone can simply be tired Anthony LMAO. even the most energetic of people. it’s why we sleep LKASLASALK but hey, maybe that’s just his Husband-tuition, he just knows something is wrong without knowing what it is yet.

“I have a gift for you.” GASP IS IT THE??? omg OMG OMG I REALLY HOPE NOT BUT MY BRAIN JUST. WHAT IF SHE’S GOING TO TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY??? THAT ANTHONY BOUGHT HER A HOUSE??? AND IT’LL MAKE HER THINK THAT HE’S TRYING TO GET RID OF HER??? i really hope not and that’s just my overthinking but AAH.

“You got me a ledger!” LMAAAAAAAAO this reminded me of that video of that kid who got a potato for christmas and he was just like “it’s a potatoooo, thaaaanksss” in the cutest and happiest way bc he didn’t mind he got just a potato alskalkslaks

Happy tears rushed into your eyes THANK FUCK. okay i can breathe now lmao. panicked for absolutely nothing alskalkslaksal. but no this is SOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEE. love a man who buys you a house in the street, hell, the country you grew up in no less. don’t settle for less alkslakslaks i’m kidding but aaah this is so sweet <33

“Tell me. What made you think that?” ugh he’s too good for this world stooop. “Darling, nothing could make me love you less.” AWWWW <33 see what happens if you just TALK about your feelings??? aksalkslas 

“Like a second honeymoon?” yep he should deffo dress up at Lust™ like he just has it in his blood if i’m honest. Anthony is like 50% man, 50% lust LMAO. “Would they hear us do you think?” on second thought let them BOTH be Lust. matching like the Obsessed Harlots™ that they are <3

gosh i love the concepts of the ball, how the design of the outside is very different from the inside. omg....half an hour fireworks????? so we’re going all in on this huh jfc. “Fire breathing?” MY THOUGHTS EXACLY LUCIE LMAO “It’s safe!” // “It’s fire!” LMAAAAO Lucie is so me right now. “If a lady or lord that I don’t like catches fire, I’m not going to help you extinguish it.” SHE IS ME I AM HER. she’s such a mood i love her.

“I got it.” i can’t insert a gif but *insert “ladies and gentlemen, we got him” meme here* lol “He signed it.” LIKE THE FOOL THE HE IS BWAHAHAHA. “Who could’ve known all that drinking with Eli would actually pay off?” yeah no shit LMAO. good thing neither of them had alcohol poisoning bc i’m pretty sure it was getting there alskalslaks

“Well, the ball is only days away.” oh.....my......genius, absolute GENIUS. I TOLD YOU SHE’S ON HER VIGILANTE SHIT™️ !!! that’s her whole vibe next chapter i swear. we LOVE a public execution but not gorey or anything like that but more a, rich, fancy and classy way. i mean, it’s a ball, nothing fancier than that.

“I think we all deserve to see him dragged out like the traitor he is.” YES YOU DO. AND WE ALL NEED TO SEE IT. AAAH I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THIS MAN GETTING DRAGGED TO THE MUD. JAIL TIME FOR U BROTHA.  Anthony chuckled. “If that’s what you want.” WE LOVE A SUPPORTIVE MAN WHO ENABLES OUR NEED FOR A DRAMATIC REVENGE lksalksalks

but gosh. that ball would be the talk of the ton for YEARS i tell you. and that’s how you show them who’s the Boss Bitch™️ and the Badass Queen™️ i loveeeee. we’re closing this series with a bang i see and i cannot wait for it!!

– TM Anon™️

TM ANON MY DARLING, I AM SO FANGIRLING OVER YOU RN OMG-

YOU’RE AMAZING, AND YOU’VE MADE ME SO HAPPY WITH THIS! ❤🥰🥰

Yessss, I think that’s exactly why she feels weird! Like, aftercare always happens with them, and that was the first time it didn’t 💔

They need to talk about it! ❤

Elias is such a golden retriever 😍 What do we think he will go as btw? Because I doubt he will go as a vice, he’s too cute for that 😁❤

a white button up with all the buttons undone? Oh Cherie would totally die if she saw him in that😈 Elias on the other hand would be grumbling for the whole night 😂

He will still be lusty in Pride costume I’d say 😏

She will have such a great entrance! And considering literally no young lady ever really wore red in that era, since it was the era of soft colors like white and pale pink and blue and stuff….It will make such a great impression on the ton 😈

Cece can see right through her 😂

“THEIR MOUTHS ARE BUSY WITH OTHER THINGS” I AM SCREAMING 😂

Husband-tuition I’m so making this a part of my vocabulary now, because it’s genius 😂

Omg I actually considered that idea! We think the same! ❤ At first I wanted to make her panic a little for thinking Anthony bought that house to send her away 😱❤

Lolll she was so happy with the ledger! 😂 I feel like all the characters think that Cherie loves grand gestures and expensive gifts and everything, but she actually just likes gifts from the people she loves 😂 Anthony could just buy her a simple ledger and it would be so precious to her 😍

They are learning slowly but surely how to communicate lolll😂 Like, if it were a couple of months ago, Cherie would refuse to talk about it but now she’s starting to see how important communication is, and they’re like…improving as a couple! ❤

yep he should deffo dress up at Lust™ like he just has it in his blood if i’m honest. Anthony is like 50% man, 50% lust LMAO. LUST FITS HIM PERFECTLY😂 And yesssss, Cherie is almost as bad as him at this point, neither of them can get enough of each other 😈

That ball will be the biggest ball of the season 😏 Cherie knows how to throw one, and the ton has been waiting for it ever since she and Anthony got married ❤

Lucie is so convinced that Cherie will either burn down the house or make someone catch on fire 😂

HE GOT THE PAPER! 😏

I’m still surprised they didn’t get alcohol poisoning in Stormview OR when Anthony asked him to be his best man 😂  

YESSSSS IT’S GONNA HAPPEN AT THE BALL! 😈 And considering the whole ton will be there… He’s going to pay for what he put Cassie through 😏

Anthony is totally going with whatever she wants 😂 He is so in loveeee🥰

We definitely are closing the series with a bang, and you’re right, that ball will be the talk of the ton for years for sure 😈😈 Cassie would be proud lol😂

Darliiiing I hope you’ll like the final chapter as well! ❤ You’ve made my day so so much better with this, I hope you know how amazing you are! ❤❤❤ ILYSM, thank you! 🥰❤❤

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2020 Anime Overview

I started out watching the a ton of anime for the Fall 2020 season, but then ended up not being caught up with most of them by the the time the end rolled around. I still pretty much intend to catch up with Yashahime Princess Half Demon someday (I do like the three leads, it just the plot’s been dull as dirt and the fights aren’t very inspired either) and though I dropped Wandering Witch after bad press started rolling in (I CANNOT deal with pointless tragedy in my current state of mind) I might check out a few more episodes someday just to from my own opinion. For now, let’s just quickly review the anime I DID manage to finish on time this season.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle is exactly what it says on the tin: Princess Syalis isn’t too bothered about being captured by demons and locked in their castle, but she does value a good night’s sleep, and she is absolutely ruthless when it comes to getting it- so ruthless, in fact, that the demons realized it might not be that she’s trapped in here with them, but that they’re trapped in here with her.

Sleepy Princess is top tier comedy comfort food. It rarely got a huge belly laugh, but it always but a smile on my face and was a great thing to watch before going to bed. Syalis’s single-minded search for some shut eye is a joke that could have gotten old very quickly, but the show consistently found creative ways to expand on the gags and build it’s world and a fun cast of characters along the way. 

Though Syalis is downright brutal to the demons when it comes to getting what she wants (and has a knack for getting herself killed at well), thanks to a demon cleric that offers easy resurrections, you never feel too bad for anyone involved. In fact, the demons and Syalis form a strangely heartwarming bond over the course of the show , and it’s clear by the end that Syalis definitely has the ability to come and go if she damn well pleases and just finds this castle a fun place where she can find respite from her princessly responsibilities. 

A nice bonus for those of us who like a little subversion is that the show has a lot of fun playing with standard adventure tropes- the demons often lament that Syalis is not at all what they expected from a captive princess, for one, but my favorite fun little twist is how Syalis feels about the hero currently on a (seemingly endless) quest to rescue her- she manages to both hold him in contempt AND consistently fail to remember his name. That level of disregard takes some impressive effort.

The show has the same director as the Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun anime and as such has a similarly nice comic and visual flourishes throughout. It definitely gets two sleepy thumbs up for me.

Jujutsu Kaisen

Jujutsu Kaisen follows a young man named Yuuji Itadori who, after tangling with a demon, ends up with one inside him. With a death sentence hanging over his head, he’s inducted into a school for “jujutsu sorcerers”, and begins training to use his newfound powers to defeat demons and curses.

Jujutsu Kaisen quickly tells you on no uncertain terms it is Action Shonen, introducing a huge cast of a characters and powers and super high stakes and hey there’s even gonna be a tournament arc soon. It is really, really pretty to look at, with a killer opening and ending, some seriously great animation and cool visuals for the fights especially. But is it particularly memorable otherwise? Noooooot really, so far. The sea of technobabble it tends to descend into when trying to explain how the various powers work often has me zoning out and wishing they’d just let me watch the pretty punches. The villains and the general plot isn’t particularly compelling. The characters are nice enough, but haven’t given me much to be attached to so far. Though I do appreciate this one dude who is the embodiment of millennial ennui:

I’ll keep watching though, because it is a visually stunning, action-y thing to my turn your brain off to and god knows I want to turn my brain off all the time lately. 

And the characters do have potential- the One Girl of the main group, Nobara, has a really fun personality in that she’s a total shitlord doofus brawler who can thus doof around with our equally dumbass protagonist, which is an pretty fun, unusual personality for the One Girl to have! Her interactions with Maki, the weapons expert senpai girl, are promising too. I’m just waiting for her to actually, you know, DO something that really shows off her skills- I’m told she DOES eventually get to (gasp) win fights on her own and do cool stuff, but so far show has kind at that of failed miserably and underused her like most action shonen underuse their girls. Plus, taking Yuuji out of the group for such a long stretch seems like a weird choice, we’ve been deprived really seeing him for relationships with his peers. The pacing seems off. But maybe the upcoming tournament arc will make up for that and actually be worthwhile!

Talentless Nana

In a world where kids with superpowers are sent to island schools to fight mysterious “enemies of humanity”, one class of such kids is thrown into chaos when they find themselves targeted by a deadly force.

It’s pretty much impossible to talk about Talentless Nana without discussing how it deviates dramatically from what its premise appears to be in episode one, so I’ll just say if you like stories with superpowers and intrigue, you should definitely sit through that first episode and see if the plot that’s eventually revealed is something that you’re here for. But if you want to avoid spoilers, DON’T GO BELOW THE CUT, because I’m about to get very spoilery.

Basically, Talentless Nana pulls a bait and switch, starting it’s first episode posing as generic superhero anime where the protagonist appears to be your standard meek-but-powerful anime boy (Nanao) who just needs some support and encouragement from a pink haired mind reading manic pixie dream girl (Nana) to unlock his self-confidence and ~true power~ (ugh)...only to take SHARP swerve when  Nana ruthlessly murders Nanao and reveals she’s been sent by the government to take out the superpowered kids one by one because THEY are the considered the true enemies of humanity. Oh, and she doesn’t have any superpowers, or “talents”- she was just able to sus out everything Nanao was thinking through basic deductive reasoning because he was so flippin’ obvious and basic.

As my love for a certain character in a certain game may have clued people into, I am ALWAYS delighted when what appears to be a generic, underwritten girlfriend character is then revealed to be an interesting, ruthless mastermind. And having an anime appear to be about a bland boy with a Dream Girlfriend but then actually turn into a show about a deeply cynical, morally dubious girl who’s clearly holding down a lot of messy feelings as she considers everyone her enemy...well, it may be a cheap trick to some, but it also feels a little bit like justice for all the underwritten female characters sacrificed to bland male leads. It’s still rare enough that I dig it when it happens. And the metatext of Nana zeroing in on this kid as the most standard of main character boys, assessing him as the biggest threat because of it and knowing the perfect way to take him out, is pretty inherently funny to me.

But if the show JUST banked on that twist and was about Nana brutally and cynically slaughtering these kids, it would get boring quickly and Nana would be a bland character herself. Fortunately, it doesn’t go that route. Nana struggles and grows a lot over the course of the show. She finds opposition in transfer student Kyoya, a stoic (and socially awkward) young man who pretty quickly becomes suspicious of her. A lot of the tension from the early episodes comes from her sweating as she tries to outmaneuver him and she makes plenty of mistakes along the way. She also slowly but surely starts to question her mission, and we get an idea of her backstory and how the government specifically has groomed her into believing people with powers to be evil. That belief is one that’s challenged by her friendship with another girl, and it’s pretty rewarding to watch Nana’s feelings and world expand little by little.

The show is definitely a little schlocky-some of the plots (as well as the general premise of the government thinking this is the optimal way to get rid of their superpowered kids problem) fall apart if you think too much about them, and some of the kids Nana goes up against are sleazy and unlikeable in over the top ways (which makes it easy for her to stick to her convictions all these kids deserve to die at first). In particular, I have to give a heads up for some sleazy guys doing and saying sleazy things, though the show never gets too overbearing or graphic with it (and the gore is generally PG-13 level as well). 

Basically. There are some truly ridiculous happenings in this show. But how ridiculous and pulpy and over the top it is can be part of the appeal, and it’s fun to just sit back and watch the spectacle of Nana and her peers head-scratching machinations. 

So, while certainly not an anime with airtight construction or flawless quality and depth, I found Nana an overall entertaining watch, especially as a fan of cat-and-mouse murder-y shenanigans, and thought it has a very compelling main character and managed to end on a heartwrenching (but earned) note. I definitely wouldn’t say no to a second season and would be interested to see where things go from here.

#anime overview #sleepy princess in the demon castle #jujutsu kaisen #talentless nana #munou na nana #maoujo de oyasumi #fall 2020 anime #anime #my reviews

[old-jeanz]

Hello all, I've decided to post my psycho-thriller/ horror story on tumblr. Please do tell me what you think and if I should continue it. It can also be read on wattpad @/ondeathrow

The "//" refers to the voice in the main character's head. I hope you enjoy.

Updates will be every Monday, Thursday and Sunday.

- Sean.

Daku. | a psycho-thriller.

"whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent"

- ludwig wittgenstein.

chapter one: stains.

//isn't blood quite similar to red wine? both create a stain, which is hard to get rid of. if they're spilled on your garments, you must leave them to soak, and even then the stain remains.

"I mean you're not wrong, but I suppose there are many things similar to red wine. scars that no one can see, voices that no one can hear", the male replied into the emptiness of room as he swirled the red liquid around the glass.

surely it was not strange to have a voice in your head, right? everyone is in need of a companion, especially when solidarity is your only roommate. this particular lost soul had few acquaintances and only but one close friend. it didn't bother him in slightest, he found the very essence is socialisation pointless.

it's true when they say that silence says a thousand words. there is nothing more mentally taunting than being alone with your own thoughts. however, a knock upon the rattling silver doors of the warehouse caught his attention.

//who could that be?

"It must be kazue..", he mumbled quietly to himself. "come in!".

with that, the warehouse door was brought up, and a feeble looking figure nimbly ushered inside, before shutting the door (if it could be called that even).

"why're there cobwebs all along the walls, ugh! I thought you would've sorted that out by now", kazue bellowed in vexation.

it was he who was the "one close friend" of our beloved protagonist. their friendship was odd to say the least. with two men from completely different worlds somehow coexisting, it almost made one wonder if their worlds were much different at all.

kazue's childlike brown eyes widened at the sight of the lighter that was suddenly in his friend's hand.

"h-hey...what're you doing? WAIT STO-"

before he could even finish his sentence, the cobwebs full of spiders was set alight and his friend was leaning leisurely against the wall, watching as a light show occurred right in his presence.

"oh....you don't like it, kazu? you were the one complaining anyways", the taller lulled out, crossing his arms over his firm chest with a roll of his eyes.

"I don't know why you decided to live here. it's old, not even a house, it's in the middle of nowhere, I got lost at least 3 times before actually reaching you, plus there are zero people around to ask for directions".

it was obvious that at this point, kazue was fed up of how strangely his friend lived.

"that's how I like it, I didn't ask you to come around, you made that decision yourself", his friend shot back, making his way to a long wooden table that ran along the wall of the warehouse to about halfway.

he sat down and allowed his chin to rest in his palm, his colourless locks gently shadowing his eyes. without looking over, he beckoned for kazue to sit beside him as he retrieved an opaque grey pouch from his satchel.

the silence wasn't tense like it was a while ago. however, with kazue's eyes practically slicing his loyal chum open, it was clear he had something to say. it was also clear that his friend would not like it.

"when are you going to stop?", his voice came out wearily. as if he was afraid of either being verbally stabbed or physically thrown across the wide space that surrounded them.

"when I see fit, stop acting like you don't do the same things I do".

though it was nothing but factual, kazue concluded that his friend and himself were not the same. to their business associates, they were s-class murderers. assassins. silent killers. but kazue still was able to live a relatively normal life within the streets of osaka. besides, he had his girlfriend, a legal job and a good social life. killing others was something that he got into for a revenge case, not for life.

unlike his comrade that sat next to him, kazue stopped when he got the closure he needed. it was crystalline who was able to let go, and who was not.

kazue brought his fist to his mouth and coughed quietly, searching his mind for something to change the subject.

"do you remember akira hinode?", he questioned, tracing his fingers along the dents in the table.

"are you referring to that really tall girl that everyone mistook for a boy in the year above? she was like the hulk dressed in a pretty outfit".

"funny you should mention that, she became a he last year".

his friend finally turned to him as he raised a brow in subtle interest. "I'm not surprised, even her parents- his parents accepted it. I remember when we were all at school. it was snowing and one of her underlings had called to me to say they had made me a present. when I dashed outside, I saw a snowman that they said was me. I was overjoyed by it".

kazue had never heard this story before and leaned forward like a Cheshire cat waiting for another treat.

"then akira had walked out with a baseball bat, and with no hesitation whacked the head off of my snow form. right in front of my whole class".

"wha-", kazue stammered. not what he was expecting... at all.

"what's his name now then?", his friend seemed unaffected by the recollection of that memory. meanwhile, kazue felt like someone had clutched his heart and dug into it with their rusted nails.

"akio higasa".

his friend rose to his feet, twitching his brows in utter confusion before a sinister smile crept onto his face.

"are you sure? my my this is quite sentimental isn't it", he spoke in a hushed undertone.

"what do you mean?", kazue's head tilted in concern at the change in his companion's demeanour.

"it seems that...", the white haired male began while reaching into his pouch. "a certain akio hagasa is going to die tonight. must've got on one of my client's nerves".

"you're not really gonna kill him are you?"

"what do you mean? a job is a job, no matter who the victim is", the white haired explained. "it will be nice to have a reunion, though he won't know who I am at first. I'll say : hi there, I'm daku. I'll be your executioner for tonight".

#psychology #psychothriller #horror #fiction #murder #mystery story #dark humour tw #angst story #story time

[vore-scientist]

The Discourteous Duke

[Safe, soft, G/t M/m vore with fear.play and tiny female observer]

A Tale of the Mystic Woods

Summary: An asshole from Princess Sophia’s past shows up at Yonah’s wizard tower and finally learns his lesson about not making unwanted romantic advances and taking no for an answer (and hopefully stops making shitty poetry). Lots of G/t interaction in this one.

Warnings: A lot of fear.play. Intended to be comedic, Yonah and Sophia make some pretty intense/morbid taunts, however nothing graphic/detailed but the implications are unsettling so beware. I personally feel it is Hilarious banter! 

[All character involved are adults.]

If you enjoy my story, please tell me so, and reblog if you can. I live for feedback! And reblogs spread my work. 

---

The sun was setting slowly behind the Kingdom of Orr, and the Mystic Woods. Not that Sophia nor Yonah could see the outside, even with the magical windows in the living room that displayed the area around the tower. The pair really needed to get their sleep schedule in order, what had been meant to be a brief snooze, just 10-20 min between potion brewing and enchanting, had turned into almost 3 hours. The half-giant had made the mistake of laying down and Sophia made the mistake of laying on Yonah’s ample middle. So soft, and as it rose up and down with his breathing she was lulled almost comatose. Especially with one of his hands pressing down on her like the warmest weighted blanket, removing all worries and anxieties.

And yet Sophia woke up as a migraine-inducing familiar sound reached her ears. 

She shouldn’t have been able to pick up such a quiet sound, especially since Yonah stayed slumbering. But to the princess this sound was so distinct, so irritating, her hearing had become especially attuned to detect it even at the lowest decibel. 

What is this amazing sound? Don’t get ahead of yourself. Sophia is still unsure if she really heard it or if it was in her dreams, causing the dream to become a nightmare so quickly as to wake her up instantly. But as she was now awake in a very quiet room, except for Yonah’s breathing.. ohhhh the slow rumbling was incredibly soothing, and his pulse, steady and strong beneath her, tempted her back to sleep.... Unfortunately that noise… as she calmed a bit she heard it again. That noise was in fact very real, and it made her blood boil. 

Without waking Yonah (a feat that deserved an entire epic written about it) Sophia slipped out from under the giant’s hand, sliding nimbly down his side. She almost fell very audibly to the floor, since Yonah’s girth did not leave any couch cushion for her to land on, but she anticipated this and swung to grab onto the lower seam, which was just a little higher than her height above the ground. So she dropped without making a sound. 

Amazingly Yonah still did not wake as she hurried out to the staircase and started up the stairs. Aggravatingly the noise only grew louder. Which made Sophia start to stomp her way to the window once she was in the workshop and even if she could not discern words, her fears had been confirmed. Maybe fears isn’t the right word. She was not scared of the noise, she was mad at it. At the person making it. 

Full of rage she clambered up to the windowsill and made her second mistake of the day, looking down. 

50ft below with hair so platinum blonde it was like a beacon in the dimming light, eyes so blue they were a cloudless sky, a nose so sharp it could prick holes in leather, and a smile of perfect teeth so broad it almost tore at his face, stood The Duke. To Sophia’s extreme dismay he was holding a lute. Of course he brought the damn lute! That’s what she had been hearing. That and. 

| There once was a young lass from Orr. And she was Never a Bore. As she danced to my music, her heart did totally lose it. Sophia and the Duke be True Loves for Sure |

Ugh. His voice was just as bad as she remembered. Sultry yet whiny. The absolute worst. She glared down as best she could, even if he wasn’t paying attention, and hopefully couldn’t see her expression from that far. And his POETRY - It was so deeply terrible Sophia wanted to cry. But she didn’t, because he might hear her-

“Ah Is that my Dear Sophia so high in yonder window?”

NO!!!!!! 

Of course he had looked up! Why the fuck had she looked down!!?!? She could not look him in the eyes. Eye contact would be a third and final mistake. 

“FUCK OFF DUKE!” She called down with her eyes tightly shut. 

“Ah!” his voice confidence did not waver, “But I am here to rescue you, and win your heart!” he strummed the lute. 

“The lovely Sophia, trapped so in despair, I bid thee to let down your hair!”  No. That wasn't the worst rhyme she’d ever heard. But it was up there. 

Instinctively she held her braid, not to undo it, but as if it would undo itself just to fulfill the fairytale. It could! It was very long, just like that girl from the original tale, though her name was lost to time. Thankfully it didn’t, but a small voice in her head did suggest pulling it all out and using it to strangle the Duke.  

“Even if it was long enough, which it is NOT,” she shouted down, “I wouldn’t do so for you! Go away!”

“Then shall climb up the old fashioned way,” said the Duke, putting his lute on his back. 

Sophia had not expected him to leave. He never listened to her. Not years ago, not now. 

When Sophia was about 16 she’d come to terms with the fact that she would never be sexually or romantically attracted to anyone. She’d tried a few times before, and even a few times after, but every attempt was painful, mostly emotionally, for everyone. After that it was common knowledge among the nobility. Spreading news about someone’s orientation was important, so that it could be respected. It was pretty embarrassing when, for example, a prince rescued a princess who wasn’t into princes. But even when Sophia’s status was made known, that didn’t stop a few folks from trying to rescue her once she was kidnapped. 

Or in this asshole’s case, from courting her very publicly and loudly. 

Over and over and over again. 

Before she was even sent away! And Ben refused to ban him from the kingdom because he didn’t want to set a precedent of using his position of power to remove those who were simply an annoyance. He did however ban Duke from the castle. Eventually. 

Sophia had tried a lot of things to get rid of him. Dumping honey and feathers on him from her bedroom window. She tried cursing him (which… failed spectacularly). She even tried shooting him, with blunted arrows but still… Thankfully she was a terrible shot. But she’d also tried, you know, TELLING HIM SHE WAS NEVER GOING TO BE INTERESTED. 

Perhaps he needed a stronger message, and one that had not been possible before. A small part of her felt a bit bad for coming up with this plan, he didn’t really deserve this treatment. No wait. He totally did. He fucking harassed her for years and had gotten it in his stupid head that because she’d been kidnapped he could now rescue her. In theory she was to marry whoever rescued her. Not that her father would force that tradition on her. With little convincing that small part of her rejoined the rest. And she smiled as she heard movement from downstairs. 

She took one more glance down the window. Duke, engrossed as he was with avoiding the illusory thorns, noticed and smiled up. 

“I am coming my sweet chocolate princess”, he smiled with perfect teeth. 

Sophia did not tell him off, though his offensive comparison of her skin color to chocolate made her wish the thorns were real and poisonous. Instead she climbed down to the floor and then back up, onto the workshop table. It was just a better set up there. Easier to get into character if Yonah was sitting down opposite her. Plus she wanted to see if Duke would fall to the floor. That was always amusing. 

When Duke reached the window he looked confused to find her on a table, especially given that, from his perspective, the room looked normal. 

“Sophia, what are you doing over there?” he asked so sickeningly sweet. 

“Why don’t you come and find out?” She still avoided his gaze. 

His eyes got wide as for the first time ever she hadn’t told him to scram. Then Sophia cackled as loud as she could when indeed, the Duke dropped to the floor, and crumbled as the distance was much greater than it appeared. 

“My love, why must you laugh at my agony?” He almost sounded like he might finally get the hint. Almost. 

Sophia resisted saying she wasn’t his love. It was pointless. Anyways, the unmistakable footsteps of a half-giant walking up stairs had been getting louder, until the trap door lifted and Yonah entered the scene. 

The half-giant wizard had taken his time arriving. Probably calming his hair down, as it tended to make funny shapes when he slept on his couch. Even from across the room he towered over Duke. Yonah looked at Sophia, then Duke, then back at Sophia, a bit bemused. 

“This. This must be your-” 

Duke paled, which Sophia had not thought possible, but he didn’t immediately run. Which meant she and Yonah were going to have some fun. He had clearly forgotten that captive princesses were guarded by their captors, who were usually monsters. Idiot. 

“Yonah, could do me a favor and eat this fucker?” She waved a hand at Duke. 

With the skill of a true professional, Yonah’s face became one of wicked glee, and whipped his head around to lock eyes with Duke. Making sure to show his teeth, he licked his lips and approached Duke. 

“It would be my pleasure,” he said, and scooped up the nobleman who had not yet processed what Sophia had said. 

He carried Duke over to the worktable, holding him tightly in one hand. As he heard the giant’s stomach rumble he connected the very blatant red dots. 

“No- please- don’t eat me!” he pleaded, then, thinking correctly that he couldn’t persuade the giant, “Sophia- You cannot be serious!”

“I sure can!” she said, ‘Gods it’s going to be great to finally be rid of you.” 

Yonah in the meantime was removing the duke’s accoutrement: a sword, the lute, anything he didn’t want the duke to have once in his stomach. All the while the duke was crying. Sophia had jumped from the table to Yonah’s lap and clambered to his shoulder, laying across it to enjoy the duke’s emotional peril. 

“Please, I’ll do anything! Anything!” he pleaded, as Yonah licked his lips again. 

“Oh but you are! I told you to leave, so you’re leaving. Just not alive,” Sophia said, both cheerfully and menacingly. “Goodbye!”

On that cue Yonah shoved the man headfirst into his mouth. 

Sophia, for all she loved being the one eaten by Yonah, she also loved watching other people get eaten by her wonderful wizard. She liked seeing his teeth barred as he worked a person to the back of his throat, as he was unable to close his mouth until the last moment. He looked a little ridiculous, but also powerful, and happy, swallowing down something that by all means should be impossible. The distortion of his throat was both freaky and very cool to see, and if the person was strong the struggles were visible. 

She liked seeing him take the last exciting gulps that got the person down his throat and the swelling of his neck recede down, the last impression of the person disappearing into him. 

As that happened with Duke she hauled herself over Yonah’s shoulder and slid down his chest, dropping into his lap a few swallows before Duke arrived in his stomach. In anticipation, she hugged Yonah’s stomach, and felt the duke get squeezed into it. She giggled. 

Visually it didn’t make much of a difference from an outside perspective. Yonah looked a little fuller, but that was it. Though, Duke’s muffled screams did penetrate the fleshy prison. His previously irritating voice was now music to Sophia’s ears. Some of his more forceful struggles produced movement visible to those looking for it, and was very obvious to Sophia who still embraced her giant. She did shift to lean her hand on a spot that she felt confident Duke’s elbow had been. 

“Thanks Yonah,” she said, looking up into the proudly evil face. She made sure she was loud enough for Duke to hear her. 

Yonah beamed with his shimmering fangs even if Duke couldn’t see him. “My pleasure, Sophia. He tasted amazing!”

Then he leaned back and pat his stomach affectionately. He was not acting, he was very much enjoying this treat, he still had a little drool at the corner of his mouth. 

“Who was he anyways? Why did I need to eat him?” 

Sophia put her elbows over his stomach and her head in her hands. 

“He was some duke who tried to court me before I was sent here. I thought he’d leave me alone, but as you saw…or tasted... I’m finally rid of him.” 

Now Yonah went back into his act. “Nobility!” He said with elation, “no wonder he tasted so good.

Then he sighed while rubbing his stomach; Sophia swayed with his gut, Duke continued to cry. 

“A pity though.”

Sophia, also in on the act though a bit disappointed, asked “what!? Why a pity?” 

“I have to spit him up. I can’t just gobble up every nobleperson that you don’t like.”

“Can’t you make an exception this once! He was really annoying!” She sounded so sincere that Yonah was a bit taken aback. However he understood. This duke had harassed her over the years, felt that he was special and above Sophia’s incapacity to feel romantic love. What a dick. 

But not enough of a dick to deserve death. A good scare was sure to be enough, and very well deserved. 

“I mean! If he wants to be around me so much, then maybe being eaten is the way to go! Once he’s a part of you he’ll also be with me.” 

Now Yonah was confident she was saying things to scare Duke, and it was working. So he went along with it.

“That’s a good point Princess!” He grinned wickedly down at Sophia, very pleased with his next choice of words, “How about we ask him, he’s still kicking, though I can’t tell for how long”

He poked his stomach, hard, “You’ve got a choice to make,” he declared. “Stay in there, die, and become part of something Sophia does love... Or get out of me, out of Orr, out of Mystic Woods, and remain alive, But Never Ever EVER Contact Her Again. ” He made sure to lower his voice and growl for that last part to really make sure the duke understood that if he showed his face again, or even sent so much as a letter, Yonah would find him, and finish the job. 

“OUT! LET ME OUT! I’LL LEAVE HER ALONE!” Duke answered with no hesitation. 

Yonah put Sophia back on the workbench and went over to the windowsill. He placed one hand on the stone and one hand on his stomach. 

“Are you letting me out!? I promise! Please!! I’ll-”

Pressing into his gut Yonah started to retch. It was not as pleasant to watch him throw up people as it was to watch him swallow them. Still mildly entertaining to see Yonah in distress. Retching turned to choking as he regurgitated the duke, but as Duke recovered and stood up, Yonah stepped to the side, cutting off his view of the workbench and Sophia. 

“Can’t- Can’t I see her just one more time?” he asked. His face was red from screaming and crying. 

Yonah smiled at him and coughed up more phlegm, “Sure you can.”

The duke brightened. 

 For a second. Before Yonah drew his tongue over his shining fangs. 

“If you want to so badly, go ahead, but then I get to finish my meal.” 

 Duke gulped, “Nevermind- I- I’ll be going”

“Awwww, are you sure, you were really delicious,” Yonah growled, and reached for Duke as if to eat him regardless. 

Duke squealed and nearly jumped out the window, but managed to snag a foot in the vines, and eventually got down and ran away. 

Yonah watched to make sure, but he also felt Sophia climbing up his robe and hair so she could peak over his shoulder to double check. 

“He’s gone?” she asked as if she couldn’t believe it, “he’s really gone!” she said with more confidence. 

“WAHOO!” she almost fell backwards off of Yonah but caught herself on his hair. He reached a hand around and grabbed her. She didn’t comply and kicked his hand away. Sophia scrambled back up to his shoulder and sat down to hug Yonah’s scruffy cheeks, adding in a few kisses for good measure . 

“Thank you!” she said, and now she was crying. It was finally over.

“I love you sooooo much!” 

“Aww it was nothing, Princess,” he said. It really was nothing, and he’d enjoyed it. But he was proud to have helped Sophia, and glad she was finally rid of this horrible nuisance. And in a way, proud that Sophia loved him, even if it wasn’t romantic. He loved her in the same way. What a world where he got to show that love by eating people, not that he was complaining. 

“Man, we really slept through the day.” He indicated the dark sky, “That potion we left to simmer before our nap is definitely ready to be completed. If you’re fine with a late dinner.”

Sophia started to climb down his person, her intent on the otherside of the room, where a half-giant size hearth and cauldron bubbled. He laughed as it ticked. Once she had made it to the prep table he walked the eight short steps it took to join her.

[FIN] if you liked PLEASE REBLOG!

REBLOGS HELP SPREAD MY WORK! I also love knowing that people read my stories! My askbox and DMs are OPEN!!! let me know!!!

[Thanks for reading! please reblog! Or message me telling me what you think! I crave feedback! For more mystic woods go to vore-scientist.tumblr.com/tagged/mystic+woods+story or search ‘mystic woods story’]

#safe vore #soft vore #extreme cuddling #g/t vore #nonfatal vore #sfw vore #vore writing #fearplay #unwilling

[punkscowardschampions]

Jude & Jac

Jude: [okay so my idea is that like Jesse is doing some kind of little christmassy gig at Pete's record store and cafe moment because why not] Jude: You ready to 👀 the 🎄🎅 classics get 💀🔪🎤? Jac: You usually have to be famous before you sell out for Christmas royalties Jude: he's not NOT famous rn Jac: 🙄 you get a badge for signing up Jude: I should get a blue peter badge for rigging up his lil stage & backdrop Jac: if he was famous, he'd have roadies for that Jac: not unpaid family members Jude: 💻⭐dom for you Jac: This country fame for you Jac: it means about 10 people outside of Dublin have heard of you but EVERYONE here knows you Jac: so fun Jude: 🤣 by that I'm a star too & without a single 📀 Jac: Reputation doesn't imply any skill or talent Jude: 😜✌ Jude: coming or what? Jac: obviously not Jude: Jess'll be 😒💔 Jude: probs inspire him to belt out silent night with a well new twist 🎻🎻😭 Jude: 👍 or 👎 tbc Jac: I doubt that Jac: but he's welcome for the make or break Jude: 🏆🥇 Jac: whatever accolades he does or doesn't get are his business Jac: I'm going out Jude: Where? Jude: can I come? Jac: out Jac: and no, you have prior obligations Jude: Who with? Jac: Jesse, clearly Jude: Nah, who are YOU going with Jac: nosy Jude: tell me then Jac: 😂 Jac: why Jude: Why not? Jac: because it'll annoy you, is the easiest answer to that Jude: either it's top secret & that's just fun or it ain't and I'll see whatever 📷 clues on my feed in a bit Jude: I can annoy you loads more with my qs before that, like Jac: if you're such a fan of discretion you wanna work a bit harder at it yourself Jude: ?? Jac: when you said you had loads of questions, I thought you meant more than marks Jude: 😝 Jac: and I'm the poor conversationalist Jude: you're the mute Jude: Jess is the shit conversationalist Jac: who could get a word in with you around Jude: Lucky we all know sign language Jac: for my uni application Jac: nothing else Jude: be a bit rude if you singled out uncle Bob as the 1 person you did talk to Jac: bit fucking weird Jude: that too Jac: not gonna come for your gig on that either Jude: you'd have a job to Jac: thanks for the unintentional compliment Jude: welcome Jac: did you take my good pair of tights? Jude: not gonna go rob the place Jac: guess I'll just freeze to death Jude: RIP Jac: thanks Jude: 1. might be more helpful if I knew where you were going 2. welcome again 3. tis the season ⚰💀💔 Jac: 1. the north pole, to see santa and his pals 2. no need to stand on formalities 3. you're thinking of easter Jude: 1. say hey from me 2. I don't do formal 3. nah, I was thinking of how busy the 📞s are & how many people top themselves Jac: Cheery, aren't we Jac: you need some carols Jude: I can read a room Jac: laughable Jude: wish you would Jude: you a need a laugh Jac: if anyone can make it happen Jac: it wouldn't be you Jude: 🤡🤡🤡 Jac: seeing if Jameson still cries might make me crack a smile Jude: there you go, that's the spirit Jac: ugh stop Jude: ?? Jac: you aren't a fucking samaritan Jude: haven't made it official Jude: probs too young Jac: I haven't looked into it Jac: do you really want to be responsible for loads of losers offing themselves though Jude: when you put it like that Jac: you haven't got the temperament Jude: I heard you ain't looked into it Jude: but alright Jac: I've known you long enough to know you'd push a sane person over the edge Jude: whoops Jude: 🤪 Jac: hmm Jude: You gonna gatecrash Izzy's bday? Jude: I'm so coming if you are Jac: Why would I do that Jac: time how long it is before she has a breakdown? Jude: you did it for Millz' bday Jude: & she didn't FULLY have a breakdown though the gays ain't over it still Jac: Isabelle's life is already ruined, no need to do anything Jude: her ma would probs chuck you out anyway Jac: the role reversal would be nice for her no doubt Jude: as priorities go, doubt it's top of hers for what'd be nice Jac: 'cos giving a shit about her daughter clearly is, alright Jude: why are you going off on her ma? Jac: just because they're poor doesn't mean you can't say anything bad about them Jac: if her mum was about then none of it would've happened Jac: she can't even be arsed to take time off work to give Is time to heal Jude: & if her da was about, her ma might be able to afford to Jude: they're skint, you just said it Jac: if she knew who he was, he might be Jac: don't give me that, as if you know her Jac: she's a shit mum, always has been, and that's what happens Jude: alright Jac: so no, I'm not going to her sad party Jude: you should at least 🗨 Jac: no Jude: Come on, she's having a shit time Jac: Good Jude: 🥶 Jac: I didn't like her before she got felt up Jac: I don't like her now Jude: Bollocks, you were mates for time Jac: yeah, ask her how good of a mate I was Jac: or Amelia Jac: it meant fuck all Jude: 🙄 lies Jac: if you wanna lie to yourself, sure Jude: if you do, crack on Jac: evidence is in my favour so I'm fine with it Jude: Nah Jude: Amelia wouldn't still be 💔🎻😭 if you were such a shit mate & she was chuffed to be rid Jac: Amelia has her own angst to worry about Jac: as you mentioned Jude: yeah & part of it is you Jude: 🗑ing her off Jac: only when her girlfriend cheated on her Jude: & before Jac: you lez off with her if you're so fucking interested Jac: precisely 0 people will be surprised Jude: girls don't do nowt for me Jude: especially ones I've grown up with Jude: 0/10 interest tah Jac: sure Jude: Yeah I am Jac: probably stop going on and on about her then Jude: Touchy Jude: barely said anything Jac: you saying a word is a word too many for me Jude: 🤐 Jude: g2g as it happens Jac: 'tis the season Jude: [phone] Jude: 📞 it if you wanna 🗨 to someone else Jac: fuck off Jude: Love you too Jude: 👋 Jac: nope Jude: my declaration of 💘 isn't a q Jude: soz but not soz Jac: the too makes it false Jude: nope Jude: you love me Jac: no, I don't Jac: go away Jude: yeah, you do Jude: see you later Jac: go jump off o'connell bridge Jude: you're the only one freezing to death tonight, mate Jac: always next year Jac: he must not have got my letter in time Jude: next year I'll probs be ☕🤗 too Jude: defs is the season for that Jac: if you're not going to talk like an adult, then doubly don't bother Jude: 🤣 Jac: I cannot be clearer than fuck off and die Jac: I'm trying to get ready Jude: I'm getting ready too Jude: it's obvs doable Jac: you'll look a state Jac: I don't plan to Jude: funny Jac: just my honest assessment Jude: your snaps tell a different story of the state of you but alright Jac: first I need a laugh, the next you blast me for having one Jac: it's almost like you say whatever bullshit is floating around your head at the time, with no thought or feeling behind it Jude: don't sound like me, that 😜 Jac: not even slightly funny Jude: idc Jac: that's evident Jude: 👍✔ Jac: have fun hanging around your own brother like you wanna fuck him Jude: even less funny Jude: we're proper scraping the barrel now Jac: you'll be hearing that your whole life Jude: 💔 Jac: exactly Jude: 😭 Jac: just do it quietly Jude: can't & won't Jac: it's pretty much white noise at this point Jude: have you got with Raf? Jac: who? Jude: [some boy's profile like it him] Jac: oh Jac: maybe Jac: can't remember Jude: 👌 Jac: why Jude: Jess asked Jude: she's 🤔💭 about it Jac: lovely Jude: can't have been if you don't remember it Jac: she doesn't need to send my regards Jude: obvs, she wanted to know if he's worth bothering with Jude: there's her answer Jac: like anyone is Jude: so dramatic Jac: *not gonna get used all my life Jude: 🙄 Jac: my thoughts exactly Jude: 👋 fr then Jude: leave you to your 💭 Jac: yeah, foreign concept to you Jac: later Jude: ✌️

[gaamagirl565]

Matters of the heart S2 ep 1

Matters of the heart Season 2 Episode 1: The start of something new

{OPENING CREDITS} Narration: Time is a funny thing. Some say it’s an unstoppable force, others say it’s a man-made concept. But whatever someone thinks of time, two things are always certain. You chose what you make of it and it has a way of changing people. {cut to Isaiah’s panicked face as he runs; Camera pans out to see Lily and Akina running by his side} Lily: I-It’s getting closer! Isaiah: so run faster! {Cut to them skidding into town running at full speed; Eugene Lance, and Varian look over blueprints for rebuilding and people around them work} Isaiah: RUUUNN! Varian: Isaiah!? Eugene: Lily? Isaiah: IT’S COMING! Varian: WHAT IS!? {Eugene and Lance pull their swords; Monster Ruddiger barrels into town thrashing about at everything; Catalina runs forward} Lance: Catalina no! Catalina: Relax dad! I got this! Akina: Sissy! Catalina: Easy boy...easy...calm down… {She walks up and pulls a bee stinger from his nose; a light shines and Ruddiger returns to normal and scampers away} Varian:...Isaiah? Did you use one of my beast bombs? {Isaiah hands it over} Varian: Isaiah these are NOT toys! Isaiah: We wanted to harvest more rations for the people and the best apples are all the way at the top of the trees and we couldn't reach them So I..well.. Lily: but that's not like he was freaking out I promised mr. Varian!  we didn't know there was a beehive in one of the trees!  one of them must have stung Ruddiger. Varian:...You had good intentions but next time tell me if you want to do something.  I'm the leader of old Corona now and I have to be sure that all my people are-URRGH! {He clutches his side and doubles over} Isaiah: DAD! Eugene and Lance: Varian! Varian:...mnnn...I’m fine… Isaiah: Maybe you should rest for a while! Varian: I'm fine buddy. it's nothing! Eugene: Varian he's right.  it's only been three weeks.  that's still pretty fresh for a stab wound. Varian:  fine I'll sit down for 5 minutes no more no less.  Isaiah why don't you go find your stepmother. I'm sure she and the queen could use your help. Isaiah: with painting? Lily: Oh c’mon! It’ll be fun! Akina: Pleeeasssee ‘saiah? Isaiah: uh… {they both make puppy eyes at him} Isaiah: Finnneee… Lily: WOOHOO! Akina: let’s go, Lily! {They go to run off but Isaiah stumbles} Varian: huh? Lance: little buddy...you alright? {Isaiah hesitates for a minute and pink crackles of magic briefly appear; he turns back to them with a wide smile} Isaiah: I’m good! I just lost my footing! C-c’mon ladies! Let us be off then! {he pushes them along; cut to Eugene’s concerned face and fade out to Zapada and Rapunzel; Zapada is organizing paint whilst Rapunzel is up on a ladder painting} Rapunzel: *deep breath* what a lovely day for winter...kinda warm actually

Zapada: better than what it has been! Rapunzel: Most definitely! Um hey can you pass me the pink? Zapada: One pink co-... Rapunzel: Zapada? You okay? Zapada: Please excuse me! {she runs behind the house and wretches} Rapunzel: Zapada! {She slides down the ladder and runs over to her and holds back her hair} Rapunzel: yick...let it out... you know I thought that chicken at lunch looked green..who made that? Zapada:...m-me… Rapunzel: And it was Delicious! ...heh… Zapada: ugh..I am becoming so sick of this. Rapunzel: how long is this been going on? Zapada:  Since a little bit after the attack… Rapunzel: it's been going on for 3 weeks!? Zapada that's really bad you should see a doctor! Zapada: N-NO! no... your majesty I cannot afford to let Varian know that I am ill. Rapunzel: why not!? he's your husband isn't he? Zapada: of course he's my husband what kind of question is that? you saw us get married! Rapunzel:  no... sweetheart that's an expressi- nevermind… Zapada: Varian is still getting over his injury... he has an entire town to worry about now on top of still grieving for his father... I needn't worry him further. Rapunzel: *sigh*.. all right then can you please just come over here and sit down while I fetch you some water? Zapada:  that I'm more than happy to do. {all three children come running into frame} Rapunzel: Hey you three! Lily: Hi mom! Akina: Aunt punzie! Isaiah: Your majesty…*bows* {Rapunzel hands Zapada the water and goes over to blow a raspberry on Isaiah’s cheek} Rapunzel: I’m Aunt punzie to you too mister! Isaiah: Augh! Okay okay! Lily: Hey Mom can we help out? can we help paint? Rapunzel:  I don't see why not! Isaiah: is Zapada okay? Zapada: oh copilul meu I’m fine! Just a tad out of sorts. Rapunzel: it was the chicken at lunch. Zapada:  it was not the chicken… Isaiah: Well it was a little green. Rapunzel: Hmm!? *points to Isaiah* Zapada:....Vă urăsc pe toți atât de mult… Isaiah: so what can we help with? Rapunzel: Well I do need help with the rims of the house. Trying to make them a nice burgundy. Akina: We can do that! I’ll get the lower parts! Isaiah: I’ll get the higher parts! {Isaiah grabs a brush and starts climbing the ladder; halfway up his eyes flicker in colour} Isaiah: no...not now... please… {he continues painting; cut back to Varian and the rest} Lance: You have to tell him at one point… Eugene: I know... but how do you.. how can I tell that to a father? Lance: like ripping off a Band-Aid I suppose… Eugene: *sighs* Varian! I need to speak with you… Varian: Alright! Doing great everyone! I’ll be back. {The walk away from everyone} Varian: what did you want to speak to me about? Eugene: it's about Isaiah’s new... ability. Varian: oh… Eugene:  I recently received a note from what I assume is the cult.  I was going to tell you about it later but... they were telling me what this new ability of his is.  it's some of the same power that is overtaking Cassandra right now. Varian: What!? Eugene: They made Rapunzel and I and offer... they said they would help get rid of Isaiah's ability in exchange for the moonstone shard... I declined... they never said how they would get rid of Isaiah's ability and that frightened me. Varian:  how did they react to that? Eugene:.... Varian: Your majesty? Eugene:  Varian, you know I love Isaiah. He's like a nephew to me. and I would never do anything to put him in danger. Varian:...but? Eugene: if this ability is truly what the cult says it is... he might be the danger. Varian: excuse me? Eugene: Varian please I- Varian:  no continue... I want to hear this! Do you think my son is a danger? Eugene:   I never said he is I said he could be. You have to understand I'm a king I have to put my kingdom first. Hate me if you want but I have to do whatever I can to protect my kingdom.  if Isaiah becomes too dangerous then- Varian: THEN WHAT EUGENE!? {Everyone stops and turns to look} Eugene: ….I want to make it clear that I'm not going to hurt him... but I need to keep my country safe all I'm asking is that you consider making a plan if things go awry. Please. Varian:... I have to get back to work. {He walks away leaving Eugene; cut back to Rapunzel and the others} Akina: hehe! I painted a bumblebee! Lily: I painted a dragon! Isaiah: I painted my boredom… Lily: Isaiah! Isaiah: *snerk* Zapada: urrghh… Isaiah: Zapada? You alright? Zapada: I’m fine really! Rapunzel: Zapada...if you want I have a Royal Physician... Varian doesn't have to find out... we can be there and back in less than 2 hours.  I'm just getting very worried about you. Zapada:  your majesty you are most kind.  but I'm sure it's just something in my digestion. Rapunzel:  do you have any other symptoms? you know besides vomiting. Zapada:  well now that you don't mention it... I've been feeling tired all the time...I keep getting these headaches as well…and there will be these moments where I feel dizzy all suddenly. I never used to have these problems. Rapunzel: R-really? Zapada.. I'm going to ask you a very serious question... because I think I know what’s wrong! Squee! Zapada: really? Then do ask away! Rapunzel: wh-.... {she looks at the Isaiah and then whispers it to her} Zapada:  now that you mention it no! I haven’t for a while… Rapunzel: AH! {Rapunzel hugs her and bounces around with her} Zapada: Y-Your majesty!? Rapunzel: Zapada don’t you see!? Zapada: Wh-what!? Rapunzel: YOU’RE PR-!? Isaiah: AHHHHH!! {Isaiah’s eyes flicker in colour as he fights for Control; pink magic crackles around him} Isaiah: NO! NO! AHHHH!!! Lily: Isaiah look out! {the screaming is heard by Varian, Lance, and Eugene, they rush over; Isaiah stands at the top of the ladder gripping his head} Rapunzel: Isaiah! Sweetheart! If you can hear me, I’m coming up to get you down, okay? Isaiah: It hurts! AUGH! Rapunzel: I know honey just stay there and- {Magic surges through him and he falls back as the neon colour leaves his eyes; Varian arrives to see his son falling} Isaiah: AHHHHH! Lily: Isaiah! Varian: My baby! {Rapunzel dives off the ladder and uses her body to catch him and cushion his fall} Rapunzel: UGH! {Everyone runs over to help} Eugene: Sunshine! Are you alright!? Rapunzel: fine! I’m okay just knocked the wind outta me. Isaiah? Isaiah: *slowly opens his eyes* hmmm? Eep! Your majesty! I- Um! I’m so sorry! Varian: Isaiah! Isaiah buddy are you hurt? Isaiah: N-no but I… {He runs off; Varian looks at Eugene} Varian:..this...this doesn’t change anything… {Cut to later at the dinner table; Isaiah sets the table depressively meanwhile Varian stirs a pot} Varian: It wasn't your fault you know… Isaiah:... how do you know? Varian:  Isaiah you would never do anything to purposely try and hurt the Royal Family. you're not a bad person. Isaiah: what's wrong with me? Varian: nothing is wrong with you! Isaiah: no dad!  This...evil that’s infected me!  what is it!? Varian:.... Sit down... you're not going to like this. Isaiah: Yipee… Varian:  the king explained to me that he received a letter from a cult member... explained what the power was.  Do you know the magic that seems to take over Cass whenever she's near you? it's that... they think it was transferred when she stabbed you with the blade that had her blood on it. Isaiah: am I dangerous? am I going to hurt people too? Varian: no! no you're fine! I'm sure you are… Isaiah:  how do you know? Varian:.. book I'm going to do whatever I can to help you with this I swear it. besides, we don't know much about this at all. and what do you do when you don't understand something?  you learn more about it and then it seems less scary. Isaiah: that's what you always told me when I was little… Varian: and it still Rings True to this day. {he sets a bowl in front of Isaiah} Isaiah: lamb stew!? Varian: yep... I figured you could use a bit of pick me up after today. {Isaiah hugs him} Isaiah: I love you, dad… Varian: love ya too, buddy… {Zapada walks in and clears her throat} Varian: Zapada!  would you like some lamb stew? Zapada:  no I'm quite alright! Varian: this is the third night in a row you've abstained from eating dinner. are you feeling all right? Zapada: but of course I am... that is just to be expected...when one is with child… {Varian drops his bowl and it shatters on the floor; he turns to Zapada with wide eyes} Isaiah: ...what does that mean? Varian: Y-you...you...you’re sure? Zapada:  ... I'm more than sure... me and the queen talked... and she took me to see her Royal Physician...i’m pregnant, Varian. {Isaiah chokes on his food; Varian laughs and tears run down his face} Zapada: oh no! Varian! {He picks her up and spins her around} Varian: YEEEEAAAAH! WOOHOO! AHAHAHA! Isaiah: I-I’m gonna be a big brother!? {Isaiah runs and hugs them both} Isaiah: Is it a boy or a girl!? Zapada: we won’t know till it has been born. Isaiah: either way, I’m finally a big brother! {Varian bends down to her stomach and kisses it} Varian: welcome to the family.. {END CREDITS}

#tangled #TTS #RTA #tangled the series #tangled oc #rapunzel’s tangled adventure #Isaiah #Zapada #Varian #Varian x oc #Eugene #Rapunzel #matters of the heart #fanfic #MotH

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/16 NXT 11/18 NXT UK 11/19 Smackdown 11/20 Survivor Series 11/22

Raw:

Appreciate Lana providing logic to the creation of this match.

“Is this a Disney movie” lmao.

Honestly Shayna works better as a henchman than as a final boss.

Love Lana’s theme btw.

rip Mandy.

Ugly kick by Asuka. Not a compliment.

hahaha Lana tagged herself into the match while Shayna had Asuka in the clutch. hahahahah.

“You suck, get out” rofl.

Asuka you’re trash for not saving Lana. Truly.

“I’m actually really proud of you, you showed a lot of courage tonight.” Nia is funny. A bitch and a bully, sure, but funny.

There’s number 9. rip.

First of all, Dana’s shaky interview was going really well, and I wish they had let her finish it cuz god knows she needs the practice.

Second, WHY IS MIA YIM ATTACKING DANA OF ALL PEOPLE?

I’m not sorry, I shamelessly love Bray and Alexa together, goodbye.

“Your word is... jackass” lmaooo why is he even doing a spelling bee to prep for this match.

rip Rambling Rabbit for the 38th time.

What makes him being killed so damn demented is not only the way he exhibits agony and suffering as he dies, but the way they STAND BY LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY. This is the definition of sociopathy.

“Bullseye!” “More like... Rabbit’s heart!” *continues laughing hysterically* jfc.

Really love how Alexa puts her hand beneath her chin and then waves. That goes along with her characteristics developed since the fairy gimmick in nxt back in 2014/2015, to the cosplaying mean girl in 2016/2017/2018, to the babyface in 2019/2020. Also adds another layer with her gloves. Love that.

Nikki’s wandering around looking for Alexa, when clearly she should be looking for the Firefly Funhouse. I suggest asking Seth or Randy.

“Friends never give up on each other,” they also don’t give each other ultimatums cuz that’s toxic af, but okay.

She keeps running her mouth about Fiend and I can already see Alexa demolishing her for it.

LOVE the cohesion in going from one segment to the other as Sarah runs around looking for an interview. Fitting since that’s obviously her job, but it went together smoothly. They really come off as tmz lol.

I appreciate how Miz doesn’t want to fuck with Bray cuz he knows Bray will just torment his family lol. I also appreciate his reasoning because he’s a true opportunist. he doesn’t want to exhaust himself with this match cuz he might cash in later.

Love Alexa’s remixed theme, it’s jarring af. Walking red flag btw.

Oh nooo Nikki what are you doinggg.

I’m not a fan of how Nikki sold this interaction. Didn’t feel natural at all.

OH SHIT the sound of that slap, oof.

Oh my god I love how Bray came out and glared at Nikki. FANTASTIC. Absolute gold. Then he just smiles at Alexa as she takes his arm to escort him to the ring.

And the way the camera focuses back on Miz and Morrison... Miz’s face... I can’t, this is tremendous tbh. What a great story to run throughout this week’s Raw.

lmfao the way Alexa stuck her head between the ropes to scare Morrison. Ugh this pairing is easily my favorite thing in wwe rn.

Interesting, so Bray protects her. A fair duo.

I will never not cringe at watching people pretend to break someone’s neck by twisting it to the side. If I was a wrestler, that’s a move I would NEVER allow to be done to me.

On the plus side, Alexa took out Morrison and he sold it really fucking well. On the negative, it seems that distracted Bray as he’s more concerned for her well being now.

Oh my god the way Alexa reappears from behind the barricade. Creepy as shit.

Love watching her “balance” on the barricade considering she was one hell of a gymnast in her day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for watching Lacey progress in the ring, cuz I think her character work is just fantastic, but holy shit what a downgrade going from Mandy and Dana to Lacey and Peyton.

Why is she excited? Why is it exciting to fight Sasha? Maybe Asuka should’ve taken that match a bit more seriously, considering the outcome. But I’m jumping ahead of myself.

“No one is ready for Asuka,” except for Charlotte, Becky, Shayna, Alexa, Sasha...

I do appreciate how Lacey isn’t scared of anyone while Peyton is wary of literally everyone. That’s good. Nia has a point though, y’all could’ve used Mandy. I guess it doesn’t matter though, considering the outcome. Jumping ahead of myself again.

“Worst idea since Quibi” lmao shots fired.

*Bonus* Peyton/Lacey online exclusive: they vibe real well off script. Peyton made points saying she can’t wait to teach Lacey how to be on a team. That’s valid cuz Lacey is NOT much of a team player. Points to Lacey though, she’s funny as hell.

Highlight: Alexa Bliss

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NXT:

Awesome hearing War Pigs during that Shotzi promo. Is that the official theme song for War Games? If so, baller to wwe for shelling that cash out.

I’m guessing Shotzi was fixing her tank? Was that the premise? Regardless, the setting was different and interesting.

I really like the fencing around nxt’s ringside. Fits with the grungy “indie” feel.

God I’m gonna have to watch Candice defeat Kayden and Kacy aren’t I?

Indi bought the Garganos a flat screen tv? :/ mk. What does she have to gain? Johnny was an AWFUL champion and Candice has never even held gold. What is she hoping to accomplish?

“Indi is gaining one of the best mentors in the nxt locker room” lmao WHAT.

omg Kacy and Kayden are so fucking entertaining, I feel like I say this every time I watch them. All tag teams need to TAKE. NOTES. Look at that cohesion and teamwork. Whew.

Hold on don’t try to retcon Tegan as leaving Candice’s side. I hate Tegan even more than I hate Candice, and she was a shite friend to Dakota by proxy of being a spineless dweeb, but do not try to paint Candice as the victim in her feud with Tegan.

I know nothing about the Dakota/Candice friendship but I’d go ahead and blame Dakota since she’s hella douchey lmao.

Imagine thinking Indi is an upgrade from Dakota. Commentary is super funny and distracting tonight lmao.

Was that not a flatliner? Sure looked like an intended flatliner.

So Kacy attempts to kill herself in the process of taking out Indi and none of the cameras caught it? :/ we still using interns looking for college credits in production? Is that what’s happening??

Vic is kind of an awful commentator in his actual calls. “Nice suplex, almost a brainbuster” better hope that was a brainbuster cuz if not, that was the saddest fucking suplex I’ve ever seen in my life.

So Kacy almost kills herself using offense against Indi and Indi was coherent first? Ugh anyway.

Why do we have to listen to Ember speak every week? What a terrible idea.

So now she’s gonna be nxt’s savior by getting rid of Dakota and Raquel? Oh for fuck’s sake.

Why does she have fucking soda tabs on her gear still.

Why is she teaming with Toni. I THOUGHT THEY WERE HEELS. Seriously, am I the dumb one? Am I the one who needs their hand held? Has Ember not been acting like a heel since she returned? Am I the only one confused about Toni’s alignment??

“We’ve fallen victim to the numbers game” WHEN have you fallen victim to the numbers game, Toni? WHO WROTE THIS.

I know nxt wants me to give a shit about Ember and Toni, but good luck making me care about anyone down there more than Dakota or Rhea.

I would really appreciate it if Dakota was moved up to the MR without actually showing any dissention from Raquel.

Dakota calls a lot of matches, I’ve noticed. Pro shit.

Toni’s German suplexes are amazing if she’s actually never hurt anyone, cuz MAN they look gnarly af.

Gorgeous tornado ddt by Ember. Nice speed, great handling by Raquel.

Don’t Dakota and Toni have quite the history? From UK?

Today in wrestling commentary: Vic cannot tell the difference between left and right.

Whoa I just noticed Dakota isn’t wearing her knee brace. That’s kind of monumental, right? Isn’t that a big deal? I feel like that’s a big deal.

Honestly I might like Toni more than Ember. She comes off as a lot more likable since her move to nxt.

Oh Christ I gotta see Candice again. 

Hi why isn’t this main eventing? Do Rhea fucking Ripley and Io fucking Shirai not deserve it?? For real???

Hate it when refs hold the title up crooked. Noob.

Holy shit Io’s speed is TOP. TIER. Whew.

And then slips on the turnbuckle, sad. Could’ve been worse, could’ve been a Shotzi wipeout (and that’s what I’m gonna call it from now on)

What Io has in speed, Rhea has in strength, these are the facts.

Why did Vic cut Beth off by saying exactly what she was in the middle of saying? Vic’s losing a lot of points tonight tbh.

oof gnarly German suplex off the second rope by Io.

Oh my, Rhea’s ear is covered in blood. Must have punctured her ear with an earring. Rough. I say this as someone who has her fair share of piercings: it BOGGLES MY MIND why any of these women wrestle with their piercings in lmao. No ma’am.

Brutal match, whew.

Rhea wiped her own blood on her face.

There are some aprons spots with Rhea obviously waiting around that needed some work.

Rhea can sell, certainly, but her screaming is way too dramatic at times. Most notably at wm in the empty arena, but this match is a close second. Almost borders on annoying.

Niiice Rhea adding a nice vortex spin on the tail end of her cloverleaf submission. Points. Keep that.

Oh that Riptide attempt countered into an armbar by Io. BEAUTIFUL.

I liked that. Io goes for the 619 in the middle rope, Rhea ducks. Io goes for the 619 on the lower rope, Rhea dodges. Io strikes her a couple times, Rhea falls to the opposite side of the ring and Io proceeds to hit the 619. Good stuff.

Lol Io’s smiling at Rhea kicking out of the missile dropkick.

Nice flip off of Rhea’s clothesline but I’m not a fan of Io landing her moonsault on her feet. That’s not really her M.O.

Fucking spiked Rhea with a ddt by countering the Riptide again. That’s a solid champion, has her opponent completely scouted.

Beautiful sunset flip powerbomb through the ropes with Rhea landing through a table. Would’ve been cool if Rhea had let go right away, though.

In kf, I give points to Rhea for dragging herself from the rubble just to eat a clean pin. Great match.

Highlight: Io vs Rhea

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NXT UK:

Wow robbing me of KLR’s entrance. Guess Piper is officially the heel.

Quit calling her a “new” Piper Niven. A slight aggression is hardly “new”

BE CAREFUL WITH KLR’S SNAZZY COAT.

Y’all got tape out? Have we learned nothing from Bayley/Sasha hiac?

CHUCKED A FUCKING RING BELL INTO PIPER’S HEAD LMAO

Ugh headbutt that takes everyone out. Tsk.

Ric who? Charlotte’s dad??

Who do I gotta pay to see KLR vs Becky Lynch in an extreme match?!

KLR rolls away after that fisherman buster on the outside. Smart points.

Alright listen I’m on KLR’s side but WHY IS JINNY OUT HERE

Lol smacked Piper with a ‘no entry’ sign. Haha.

And Piper broke a sign over KLR’s head, followed by puns from the commentators.

rip random guitar.

Match doesn’t have any creative spots really, but they sure know how to utilize random objects.

BRO YOU CAN’T TAKE A STEEL PIPE TO HER KNEE ON CONCRETE, THAT’S HELLA RUDE. KLR lit a fire under Piper’s ass and Piper’s trying to retire her as thanks. Super, super rude.

Fuck her up fam, I don’t even feel bad.

??? Did KLR even land through the table or did she just land straight onto the fucking concrete? Jesus Christ man. No, she didn’t, she slid into the second table and just ate the floor. Oh my god. IS SHE OKAY??

Highlight: That vicious ending gained KLR a lot of respect in my eyes

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Smackdown:

Imagine being surprised that Adam chose the longest reigning SD women’s champion as his team captain. Granted she’s probably despised by everyone, but she’s got the pedigree, come on now.

Look how good Bayley looks. Whew.

“You know what time it is? Bayley time.” she’s so annoying rofl.

Wow riveting stuff, I have zero comments about this 2 min match tbh.

Go stand in the ring with your damn captain, Bianca.

Lmao Bayley allergic to hugs now. Character progression.

It’s quite the team I’m ngl. I just wish we could’ve wrapped up this Sasha/Bayley shit like... months ago so we could enjoy captain Bayley for a bit longer. Gonna burn through this in one damn episode. It’s a bummer.

*Bonus* Nattie’s online exclusive: “I sailed through some rough waters [...] I’m smart, I’m sexy, I’m funny, I’m rich” She is funny, I will give her that.

We’re getting Asuka/Sasha face to face? For real? Okay.

Cute, Sasha’s smile toward Asuka actually looked genuine. I miss when Sasha seemed genuine. It’s like Bayley killed that part of her.

“Michael are you forgetting what time it is?” BAYLEY TI-- “It is boss time, baby!” welp my mistake.

I’ve played Asuka’s dialogue to Sasha 3x and I still have no idea what she was saying because of her ridiculous fucking dancing and animation. I’m tired. Bayley come take her title.

Omg now she’s doing “you can’t see me” SHE ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING I absolutely despise her being champion.

Actually she is ready for Asuka, and I’m gonna take great joy in watching her win this Sunday. Sasha is hella unlikeable until the moment that bell rings, then she’s a god. Is what it is.

Booo Sasha was actually doing good on the mic, how dare you ruin that, Carmella.

Asuka is awful. Even Becky and Ronda fought off common enemies once upon a time. Asuka helps legit N O B O D Y. Awful champion.

Highlight: Captain Bayley

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Survivor Series:

Love Sasha’s gear.

Asuka kicked out at one, quick everyone cry about her selling. Oh wait she’s not Charlotte, my bad.

Beautiful attempt at an armbar by Sasha, whew.

Sasha is so good at this whole wrestling thing lol.

Nice pop up from that backstabber.

Right and in contrast, Asuka is an amazing striker.

Oh a codebreaker to Sasha as she dangles from the second rope. Gorgeous move.

Ahhhh the blue haired god got the job done. I knew she’d win but it’s so gratifying to see.

Not much to say about the match. The spots weren’t brutal or super creative/innovative, but it had GREAT back and forth and really showcased their chemistry in technical wrestling. Also might very well have been the best match they’ve had yet, seemed pretty short though. Still, an enjoyable watch. Good for Sasha.

Lol the disdain in Nia’s face as she looks at Lana.

Look, Bayley’s arm band says ‘captain’ so she’s the captain.

Love seeing how creative people get with their gear at Survivor Series, as opposed to just throwing a damn brand shirt on. Looking at you, 2016.

One thing I’ve learned about Bayley is if she calls you sister, she genuinely likes you behind the scenes. So glad to see Lacey is in her good graces.

Omg Lacey learned how to do a kip up, everybody clap.

Love how the light shines off of Nattie’s gear. Got rainbows popping.

Squatting while stalling a suplex, and synchronized kip ups. Bianca and Nattie are fun.

“Bayley and the great Becky Lynch,” Oh shit, peep that RESPECT we’re putting on her name now? She gets ‘the great’?? wwe finally seeing her on the same level as ‘the great’ Charlotte Flair??? I am shook. Good for her, fucking deserved (also poor Bayley rofl)

Lana tags herself in again lmao. Nia 5 seconds from killing her. Look, Lana tries. Let her try.

I can’t breathe. she been put in timeout.

(referring to a move by Peyton) “I give that a perfect 10“ PPPFFFFTTTT

What a bump by Bayley; a suplex off the top rope onto the entire roster on the outside, and what a great locker room leader to be checking on everyone IMMEDIATELY as if she didn’t just fucking take a massive bump. Also poor Lana standing over there watching the fun lol.

Now I already knew Peyton pinned Bayley cuz of the outrage by Bayley fans who deemed her “buried” afterward, but I think it was a poor decision to have Peyton get that pin. Peyton sucks, not sorry. Have Lacey get that pin before Peyton. Actually, have Lana get that pin before Peyton.

Not sure what Nattie was going for with that submission to Peyton, but she improvised real quick. So points.

Doesn’t Nattie usually wear wrist guards? Awkward seeing her without them.

Goes for a sharpshooter on a woman who’s not even active rn. I’m removing her points lmao.

I legit never get to see Bianca’s 450 splash and you know what? Fuck y’all.

Well Bianca’s a great partner to do a Spanish Fly with so, good on Lacey.

That’s an interesting elimination. Ruby would’ve pinned Shayna as she had rolled back and reversed the Clutch, but the ref was distracted by Nia. By the time he started counting, Ruby had passed out. Interesting.

Crucifix Bomb by Liv eliminates Lacey, fucking dope.

Having Bianca as the last survivor on her team is great for Bianca. This is a compliment from management.

BEAUTIFUL catch by Shayna into the Clutch. Wow that was nice.

Ah we redoing the spot from their Takeover match, IE my introduction to Bianca. Solid.

Oh this is good. Bianca passed out from the Clutch while on the ropes so Shayna was disqualified. Nia drug Bianca out of the ring to put her through the announce table and they started brawling until they were both counted out. 

Again, I knew Lana was the sole survivor but seeing it happen is fucking hilarious. Nice protection for Bianca though, and seeing Nia this pissed off is so cathartic.

Highlight: Bianca was the real standout imo

---

*Survivor Series shined the brightest as we had both a great technical match, and a fun, entertaining multiwoman match filled with shenanigans. If that’s a cop out, then I’ll give it to NXT this week. 

#wwe #issa review #feel free to ignore these #cuz who tf cares lesbihonest #today's props goes to: #bianca belair

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 8- “Slytherin is dead, hoes mad, what's new”-Autumn

ALRIGHT professors I was sitting really pretty and y'all really had to go put me with these people I haven't been on a tribe with... -_- okay, I've been on a tribe with Kevin but what if he, Dan and Joanna have some kind of power alliance, I feel like a sitting duck!!  THIS... is not cute lol. But on the more positive side I feel like Dan, Kevin and Joanna are all really strong players and maybe we can skate by without going to any tribal councils. Also, I feel like poor Max is a goner because I think he's grounded again. I just really hope that Lily makes it out of this alive!  I feel the same about Landen and even Owen (as long as he doesn't come for me, LOL jk love you) but at the moment Lily is the person I want to see at the end of this game!! 

4 minutes later

I was about to go to bed before all this happened... now catch me jumping into everyones PM's...  I swear, I NEVER talk to everyone like I have been in this game, I really want to do good and make it far and I'm stressed that this swap is going to send me packing! 

23 minutes later

So I have this OCD thing where I can't log off of skype until I answer all my messages and these people reply too fast, especially Joanna.  But okay, I'm feeling REALLY good about this tribe.  Everyone is nice and talkative and obviously I'm going to be on the bottom and the easy vote but....  Kevin seems happy enough to see me so maybe if we do have to worry about tribal I won't be in danger????   I like them all a lot though and I like that Joanna is a Harry Potter superfan so I can talk about books and movies with her. 

Your girl got too hopeful that it was merge. Can there just be like one round of this and he t to merge already, plzzzzzz?  Also. 1. Very pleased to still be on hufflepuff 2. Love that I’m still with landen. I overall really trust landen at least for a while and in this current moment. Things can change especially with me still paranoid about actually knowing 5 people now 4 (we miss you Jess) people in the game when I told landen I only knew 2. Sooo. Really excited to have to opportunity to talk with autumn again. She is a tru icon and it will be nice to catch up. And I’m laughing and loving that I’m still on a tribe with Owen. After clearly voting for him in the last tribal I’m gonna have to really talk to him in PMs now. I feel like the 4 of us could be a really strong tribe and hopefully do well at whatever the next immunity is but I can’t count on that. I know landen has my back but after voting for Owen at the last tribal it would make a tribal with us 4 realllll interesting. Excited for what is to come and trying to remain positive despite having my heart ripped out without merge. Hoping this next challenge is a fun one or Casanova because I’d love to start playing again. Haha. 

me: I'll never leave Gryffindor for Hufflepuff and you can't make me 

also me: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/57/88/40/57884096081b0494e51028e2942bfefd.

gif Totally forgot the part where Hufflepuff doesn't lose? Soooo maybe this is good- I can play nice with all my frenemies, we can kick back a bit before I have to slit throats, and it'll just be all good. I mean it needs to be all good cause I have a thesis to finish sooooo this back to back tribal energy has to stop I rebuke it. I also rebuke it because then I'm GUARANTEED next boot and I'll be damned. But yeah it's nice over here, everybody's all happy and relaxed and shit. It's truly a vibe and don't tell Gryffindor I said that hahaha also lmao at Jacob giving me my first vote because we been knew! And there is literally nothing that men can surprise me with at this point so go for it. Not to mention everyone wanted Jacob out, literally the entire time which is why the vote was unanimous?? There was just an order of operations and I respected that; hence why it took it so long. Me being the first to say Jacob's name four rounds ago wasn't earth shattering then or now but sure I'll take the credit for it. I said his name before it became cool to say his name but it did actually manifest lol so I'm good over here. Slytherin is dead, hoes mad, what's new

I was so blackout I don't even remember if I wrote a confessional last night... ANYWAY, we swapped!!! I'll talk about that more in a second, but can we first just take another second to STAN JACOB C GETTING VOTED OUT!!! I knew the psychic telepathic messages I was sending to Kevin would have my cute bb getting rid of Jacob for me, what an ANGEL. I stan One Kevin and ONE KEVIN ONLY. I'm so happy Jacob is gone because I know he would've come for me at the merge, not only that but he would've been an independent variable I wasn't prepared to deal with getting thrown into the mix of the war of houses and cross-tribal alliances that's about to probably go down. Onto the swap! Putting us into 3 tribes of 4 was SO ugly, you know that.... I'm literally going to kill Dan for even putting that out into the universe, I know it was already decided but it's still his fault for cursing and jinxing it. NEGATIVE VIBES. That being said, I also got onto Hufflepuff for the 3rd time in a row, which is GREAT because Hufflepuff is basically the blessed tribe and the BEST tribe! You all know I'm the ultimate Hufflepuff and now I have the tribal record to prove it. Not only that, but I've got to spend 3 tribal stages with Lily and I've honestly just gotten really close to her, I really appreciate talking to her about life, college, friendships, travel, hobbies, etc. She has a great strategic mind and is so wonderful socially. I just can't make it clear enough how much I enjoy and respect her as a friend and ally in this game. You always need a constant in Survivor and for me, Lily is that constant. So ending up on a tiny tribe of 4 where 2 votes means literally half the vote and a whole world of difference, having Lily and I together means a lot to me. It also means, bar any crazy spells, Lily and I have a lot of power and influence on this tribe should we go to tribal (which I won't allow, I'll kill all 8 people on the other tribes if I fucking have to. I am NOT going to tribal with 4 people in a game where spells and advantages run rampant. Someone's getting swapfucked.) As for the other 2 people on this tribe, I'm really glad we got Owen, actually. I know that probably comes off as a surprise and yes I am very nervous about what he might do to try and come for me and Lily if we go to tribal (hence why we CANNOT go), but like I said in my confessional last round, doing damage control with Owen and getting a better read on his game is going to be essential for my survival during the merge, he needs to feel comfortable with me. We both fell asleep that day and didn't catch each other at the right time to talk about it, so I'm *REALLY* glad I swapped with him to just have a few extra days to sort of nail things down. Of course that also brings me to Autumn who I'm just really really glad to have here for the same reason as Owen. I discussed how Autumn was a crucial vote I'm going to need, in that I want to work with her and Juls moving forward and I need to get to know her. Autumn and I have already bonded over a lot of things and it's been great to talk to her, I can't wait to get to know her even better and hopefully work with her in the future. This tribe was set up perfectly for me to use it as a vantage point for setting up an excellent merge; but I can't deny that in terms of going to tribal, it's going to be VERY difficult to survive and also VERY difficult to vote someone out who I deem essential to my game, so yeah... I'm really hoping we don't go. With the challenge performance record of the 4 that are here I don't think it's going to be hard to avoid an immunity loss, so that's good. Looking forward to what the future holds! Marshmallow moves! 

new tribes hm.. um, only happy to see jules <3 jk i love chips and max BSSBSN but mac is grounded so i see this taking a toll on some of these challenges, and i literally Cannot see myself voting out jules of chips so uh. hehe! it’s really funny that chips and i have been together since the beginning though, the way i would literally die for that man.. unreal. he’s just the absolute sweetest :pleading: but in another note, WOO! made jury bitches! now all i need is these tribes to merge and i am SET. 

Seriously this entire tribe responds SO fast I can't keep up, LOL. I'm excited for the challenge tomorrow.  I really think that we are going to have an advantage because these people are literally always around and typing something when I send a message so maybe we'll win.   Also, I'm not sharing this with them but if Max is still grounded that might give us ANOTHER advantage of him not posting stuff.  I don't want to tell them this and for them to all get lazy though, so.. I wish these people would stop asking questions in the tribe chat so I could finish my search, grrr. I don't want to sign this off until I finish in case I find something because I want to write about it! I'm really sad that Lily and I aren't on the same tribe anymore, I copy and pasted the spreadsheet we've been using to search to a separate one since we can't compare notes this round -_- grrr nothing, okay I'm heading to bed but at least I know I have enough confessionals this round. 

This challenge makes me want to die

16 minutes later

I refuse to lose this challenge. Will I be going to "school" on 4 hours of sleep? Yes. But I haven't missed a single one since 10 am (and as i'm writing this is 1 am). I'm not losing this challenge. I'm not voting these people out.

1 hour later

another hour.... another chunk of my sanity gone

50 minutes later

I AM SUFFERING

So like we all know by now, I have a big mouth and told my tribe about Max getting grounded shortly before the swap.  No idea if he still is or not but that would be nice for this challenge. Also if I woke up at 3:45 AM and we lose I'm going to be MAD!! 

5 hours later

UGH look at me actually talking a lil in the great hall instead of sleeping, I missed Landen :( PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET.  US.  MERGE! 

the way i stayed up 24 hours...only missed TWO...and still lost because NO ONE ELSE PUT THE CONSISTENCY AND EFFORT THAT I DID....if these people vote me out it's riggamorris....yall better give me most robbed juror....or cutest harry potter fan that's fine with me too EWFJIWEJIWF

WE WON!!! THE SUFFERING WASN'T IN VAIN!!! I'M SO HAPPY

So I feel like I contributed a lot to the last challenge but shout out to Kevin and Joanna for fucking holding it down over night! I definitely still contributed the least so I’m blessed that we won! I’m really praying for merge tonight, but I really feel like there’s gonna be one last round and a merge at 10. I’m worried that another person will join the jury that I don’t have a great relationship with. But at the same time, I don’t want Jules to be voted out because I do feel like she is loyal to me. I’m hoping chips goes honestly ahhaha we NEVER have a great relationship in games. OH and I have such a soft spot for Ruthie, like I love her spirit and her energy, but she also knows I can get to the end and have a good shot at winning (RIP @ me getting robbed in TS: RvR a few months ago). She is someone I want to keep close because she’s GREAT socially, where I’m not, but I’m also keeping an eye on her bc I played her last time. 

If this isn’t the last tribal before merge I might lose it. Now will be the time to tell if my lack of experience in tribals will bite me in the butt. Excited to see what this advantage is tonight as well. Hoping that max isn’t voted out just yet as I see him as someone who would vote with me and be honest with me in merge. I also think some people might want to vote him out before myself or another one of my allies so he would be helpful to have around. I still feel the strongest trust with Ruthie and landen. I hope it’s a while before they would want to turn on each other. I need to touch base with Kevin and see where he is at. I also think chips and juls would be really great allies in this game despite voting differently at the tribal we attended together. I’m ready for the next stage of the game and if it isn’t time for that yet I might go crazy. 

I HATE IT HERE! I HATE THIS FOUR PERSON TRIBE THING AND HOW MAX WANTS JULES OUT! i don’t think anyone understands that i would literally lay down my life for jules and i refuse to let them go anywhere. literally Not on my fucking watch!!!! this vote is literally gonna kill me and max is like i trust you the most :heart: well yea.. because u know ur in danger.. funny how this is the first time we’ve talked game NNN. anyways. i live max but in order for jules to thrive he’s gotta go!

WE WON IMMUNITY !!!!! I DIDNT STAY UP FOR 24 HOURS FOR NOTHING !!!! I AM SO HAPPY !!!!! I hope the merge is after this 

It's like I just single-handedly annihilated, you know, every ORG bitch in the building Like, like, I'm Julesy Minaj, Julesy Lewinsky, Julesy the Ninja, Julesy the Boss, Julesy the Harajuku Barbie Like I mean I don't even know why you girls bother at this point! Like, give it up, it's me! I win! You lose HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh shit hahaha, yo

[hekate1308]

That Vanished Abode There Far Away, A Season 13 Drowley AU - Chapter Ten

Masterpost

She leads them to a pub that seems… just a little odd. For example, it’s rather weird that human just seem to pass the place by without even glancing at it. They’re in Scotland, after all.

“Monster bar?” Michael guesses.

“We’d be unable to see it if our fair leader hadn’t brought us here, I’d say” Roderick drawls.

“You’re absolutely correct.” She grins at him. “It’s a test, so to speak.”

A test? Michael needs a moment to think about it, but then he gets it. She has trusted them enough to bring them here. It’s time to see whether they trust her enough to enter.

He looks at Roderick, and once again, they seem to understand each other without speaking.

“Alright. I’m Michael, this is Roderick. We’re ready to have a drink with you in your creepy invisible bar.”

She smiles. “Aurelia.”

Roderick sniggers, and she shoots him a dark look. “Mum thought it’d be funny, alright?”

Michael shakes his head, thinking of a book by E. T. A. Hoffman. “It is. I mean, it’s not like you are trying to hide the fact that you are a ghoul, right?”

“Sh” she hisses, “Do you want everyone to know?”

“Of course not, Aurelia.”

She sighs and turns around. “Let’s go.”

“You ready?” he asks Roderick.

“You, me, and a bar full of monsters? Do you treat all your dates like this or am I just special.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Do you want a drink, or do you want to keep flirting? Because if you do, I can always come back when you’re done here.”

Michael blushes fiercely and moves towards the door. “We were only joking around.”

“Sure looked like it. Come on, you two love doves.”

He doesn’t look at Roderick as he follows her into the bar.

If they hoped for an inconspicuous entrance, they were sadly mistaken. As soon as they enter, a hush falls over the assembled monsters. Dean’s pretty sure he sees several vamps, and oh, how lovely, a coven of witches; and of course they’re near Ireland, so banshees are hanging around too.

“Nothing to see here” Aurelia calls out firmly, “If you need to know something, I’ll let you know.”

Almost immediately, they turn away from them.

Michael stares at her. “How did you –“

“We’re in the UK. In case you haven’t noticed we’re a bit old-fashioned. Family still means a lot over here, and my father’s rather important in the monster council.”

“You have a monster council?”

“Old-fashioned, I said. Still a relic from Mediaeval times, and doesn’t really do anything, but people respect it.”

Michael nods; makes sense to him. As much sense as a secret monster bar where all sorts of creepy crawlers just hang out, anyway. They make their way to the bar.

“Hey George” Aurelia greets the bartender. Michael can’t say what he is exactly, but he sniffs the air and his eyes narrow. “What are the two humans doing here, Auri?”

“They’re my guests, keep calm and hang on to your gold.”

Dragon, Michael decides. The most likely option, anyway.

Once they have ordered their drinks, Aurelia and them sit down at a table in a corner. “So I assume you know about the Men of letters, and that hunters hereabouts usually don’t have much iof a lifespan?”

“As a matter of fact yes, and yet here we are” Roderick drawls. “Feel free to be amazed at our courage.”

She rolls her eyes. “I will when I understand what you want.”

What they want... There are quite a few things that come to mind. Getting their memories back, for a start. But that’s not a conversation Michael’s ready to have until he knows her better. “We are thinking that things need to change around here. You can’t just kill monsters for what they are.”

“And here I thought most hunters would agree with them. I thought the methods were the issue, not the –“

“And that’s where you are wrong, at least with these hunters” Roderick interrupts her. “As long as monsters do not harm human beings intentionally, there’s no reason to eradicate them.”

“So you think you’ll – what? Gang up on them? All two of you against an organization that has been around for ages.”

“You have no idea what we are capable of if we want to be” is all Roderick says and somehow, despite not even knowing who they were before, Michael agrees with him. Whatever’s going to happen – he can’t deny they make a great team.

“If you say so” she says, shaking her head. “Truth is, I don’t know why I even brought you here, or why I am listening to you.”

“That’s easy enough” Michael answers. “We immediately knew what you are, and we didn’t attack you. It’s a first in your lifetime when it comes to hunting, I’d say.”

“You’d be right” she answers, studying them. “Fine, then. What exactly do you want?”

Michael shrugs. “Not much. Your number. Maybe call us in if you find a case? And we’d probably now and then have a few drinks here, if it’s okay with the rest of you.”

“Just like that. You simply appear here and decide to try and fix everything. Why?”

“It simply feels right” is the only answer he can give; and when he turns to Roderick for help, he cannot decipher the expression on his face.

“What a pair, the two of you” she sighs, “But I’ll have to explain bringing you here to the council eventually anyway, and having a plan against the Men of Letters might just get me out of trouble.”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say we have one yet, but... well, if it helps.”

All hunters lie; he himself must have lied in his previous life quite frequently, so why would he mind? And Roderick’s certainly not a newbie too when it comes to deceit, he’s proven that by convincing every single Scottish human they meet that he is indeed a Scotsman himself.

Auri nods.

In the end, it’s by no means a bad evening.

They call Mel to help them return home (and why Hirta has become home so quickly, he can’t say) and once they’re safely back in their cottage, Michael shakes his head. “Wasn’t expecting that.”

“A whole monster society having grown and developed despite the watchful eyes of the very posh British bastards in Scotland? Who would have guessed.”

He grins.”No need to be smug.”

“I assure you, that was never my intention.”

Michael knows better than to answer, so he starts making dinner.

“Well then” he says after they have eaten, “Looks like we meet a deal with a ghoul that we’d get rid of those British dicks.”

Roderick frowns at the word deal, but nods. “She certainly showed remarkable trust in us simply for not attacking her, as you said.”

“God knows what kind of life they must lead. They have to hide from birth, if the Men of Letters are as ruthless as everyone says they are.”

There’s something nagging at him, but he knows much better than to try and remember. He’d rather not end the evening catatonic.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Roderick suddenly asks. He’s not even looking at him, and he’s speaking quickly, almost as if he wants to get this over with.

“I think we could do some good –“

“No, I mean, with me.”

“What –“

“We have no idea what side I was on – before” Roderick says.

Michael frowns. “That’s a risk we both have to live with, surely –“

Roderick laughs, hard and sharp. “You? Look at you! You’re – you’re – nothing about you is evil!”

“Then tell me what brought this on, and why you think you’re so bad all of a sudden!”

“These monsters in the bar... they do what they have to do. My dreams suggest that I didn’t.”

“Roderick, you’re not making any sense.”

“I mean that – I mean that I never had to do the things I did in my dreams. I just enjoyed doing them.”

If he’s honest with himself, Michael’s been expecting a scene like this ever since he woke Roderick up from those dreams. They aren’t in the habit of keeping things from one another – mostly because there are very few things to keep hidden to begin with.

Roderick shakes his head. “Ugh. Having an emotional breakdown. How very human.”

“We all have to deal with those now and then” he argues. “That’s what makes us human.”

“Doesn’t feel very me to me to have one.”

“You have no idea who you are – or used to be. For all you know, this could just have been regular nightmares.”

“Even so – would you really start a revolution with me?”

“I know no one else I’d rather fight this fight with.”

Roderick stares at him.

A few seconds later, they are both laughing. There’s just something so utterly ridiculous about their whole situation, even if they might just be taken out by the British Men of Letters anytime they go out to hunt.

Once they have calmed down, Michael realizes just how close they’ve gotten during their little... episode.

And that Roderick’s eyes are quite fetching from this angle.

He licks his lips. Roderick’s gaze follows his tongue before returning to Michael’s eyes.

He’s about to lean in and do something he really knows he shouldn’t (it’s just been a rather strange day, alright?) when they are interrupted by something scratching at the door and letting out a short, angry bark. 

#my writings #drowley #dean winchester #crowley

[givenchyblog]

Jalil Cayda 

HUMSS 12-C

CREATIVE WRITING

A SHORT STORY BY: JALIL CAYDA

Once upon a time there lived a woodcutter and his wife.  Their early days were lived in bliss in a small wood cottage with their two children, Hansel and Gretel. These two children grew up to be wise beyond their years.  Hansel was smart, soft, and charming where Gretel was poetic, cautious, but quick-witted.  The two children loved to skip stones in the lake half a mile over. Hansel and Gretel spent most of their time finding the perfect, flattest skipping stones.  Their collection of stones was large, as they spent more time collecting than actually skipping the rocks.  Over time, they had acquired a strange companion – a bird, who would steal their stones and hide them in various places all over the land – though Hansel and Gretel knew not why. At the peak of their childhood, a great famine struck the country where Hansel and Gretel lived.  It left the rich secluded from the middling and poor classes; the merchant class fought to survive; and the poorest of the poor plummeted into utter starvation.  The woodcutter and his wife, along with Hansel and Gretel eventually struggled to stay fed. The reoccurring moments of starvation gradually caused the woodcutter’s wife to go choose selfishness.  One evening, after Hansel and Gretel had been tucked in bed, the woman approached her husband. “We must survive the upcoming winter… We must…” she started.  “We cannot feed everyone in this small house… We cannot…” “Well, what are we to do?” the woodcutter asked. “We must leave the children alone in the wooded forest.  That way we will only have to feed ourselves,” she replied. “If we leave them there, they will surely starve!” he cried. “And if we keep them here, we will all surely starve,” she replied. Little did the woodcutter and his wife know, Hansel and Gretel had been listening to their whole conversation. “Our Mother does not want us anymore,” Gretel wailed. “Shh, Gretel!  Father will not allow her to get rid of us,” Hansel replied, attempting to calm Gretel down. “Oh, but what will Father do once we are left alone with our Mother?” Gretel asked. “I think it through,” he replied. Now, Hansel was very smart.  His plans of action were always calculated and efficient.  The next day, before they were ordered to start on the household chores, Hansel ran half a mile down to the lake.  He gathered dozens of skipping stones. When he returned home, Hansel could see that his mother and sister were packing up for what looked like a normal journey into the woods – though Hansel knew that this time their mother had different plans for them. He held his sack of skipping stones tight as he approached his mother. “Times are tough, my dear children.  We must venture into the forest to help your father with his work,” she declared. “But –” both children started. “No 'buts'!” their mother scolded. And so, Hansel, Gretel, and their mother journeyed into the thick-wooded forest.  It was as eerie as thick fog on a stormy night: the sky was a dark grey, and the trees were black and gloomy. Luckily, Hansel had remembered to drop the shimmering stones on the ground every few feet – so that they could follow them back on their return home. “Hansel, what is it that you think you’re up to?” their mother shouted impatiently. “Mother!  Mother!  Look at those squirrels in the tree.  I swear they are dancing as if they are fit for the ball!” Gretel called, using her quick-wit in order to distract their mother. Gretel knew exactly what Hansel was up to. She pieced it together as she watched her mother's face scrunch up. “Where?  I see no squirrels!  I see no dancing!” their mother exclaimed, now confused and distracted, giving Hansel time to catch up. “Oh, hurry on up.  We only need to travel a little bit further,” their mother grumbled. “Where are we going, Mother?” Hansel asked.  With no response, the children’s worst nightmares were confirmed.  Their mother was going to leave them in the forest. Hansel dropped another rock. Gretel heard it fall. They traveled for a while, Hansel occasionally dropping stones, until they reached a small clearing.  Their mad mother ordered Hansel and Gretel to sit on a dead log. “I am going to gather wood.  Stay here, and I will come back for you shortly,” she lied. The children stayed seated, reluctantly.  They waited and waited AND waited, but their mother never returned for them. Hansel began to worry for their safety.  He cried to Gretel:  “What if we are attacked, or eaten?  What about wolves?  Bears?  Cougars?  Raccoons?  Gretel, oh Gretel – what are we to do?” “I will feel it out,” she replied, getting up from the dead log.  She took Hansel’s hand, and the two followed his trail of stones.  Their flat surfaces shimmered in the moonlit night. Hansel and Gretel finally arrived back home at the break of dawn; however, they were so tired that both immediately fell asleep right in front of their cottage door. They awoke tucked in their beds to the sounds of the woodcutter and his wife arguing. “How could you leave our beloved children in the forest all alone?” they heard their father ask sadly. “We will… We will all starve, if they stay here!  There are too many mouths and NOT enough food.  It is the only way… the only way…” she replied. Now Hansel and Gretel surely knew their luck was over. Hansel tried to think of a way to get the two of them out of this mess.  He looked all over in search of their skipping rocks.  Since they were nowhere to be found, Hansel figured the mischievous bird had stolen them all. Hopeless, Hansel and Gretel went back to their beds and waited for their mother to come and take them to the forest. Sure enough, the woodcutter’s wife made her way up to their room to retrieve them.  She ordered Hansel into his walking boots and Gretel into her washing clothes. Off they went once more. Before they left, however, the woodcutter secretly slipped Hansel a small loaf of bread.  Hansel saw the look of despair on his dear father’s face. Hansel slipped the bread in his pocket, crushing it into mostly crumbs and sadly followed behind his mother and beloved sister.  Every few feet, he dropped these breadcrumbs on the ground. Soon their mother grew suspicious of Hansel. “Hansel, what is it that you think you’re up to?” she shouted. Gretel, hearing this, quickly came up with a way to distract their mother: “Mother!  Mother!  A wild forest fairy just flew into your hair!” Panicked, Hansel and Gretel’s mother began to shake and squirm; she disheveled her hair and screeched with fear. This gave Hansel time to catch up. "You children will be the death of me.  Hurry along NOW," their mother grumbled. They travelled for a few more miles until they came to a very small clearing – even smaller than the previous. "I am going to find a good place to chop wood.  Both of you, STAY PUT!  I will come back for you shortly," she commanded and declared.  So, the children waited and waited AND waited, but their mother never returned for them. Hansel offered Gretel what little bread was left. "This is not what you have been dropping on the ground," Gretel remembered. "I dropped most of our skipping stones last time.  Mother led us down a different route today and that stupid bird must’ve stolen all of those stones.  The breadcrumbs will be here in the morning and we can follow them on our return home," Hansel replied. "In the morning? Hansel!  I will not stay here overnight," Gretel stated. Then thinking about Hansel's panic last night, Gretal began, "What about wolves?  What about –" "Okay. No wolves, bears, cougars, raccoons, muskrats, or squirrels will get us. I get. Lets just promise we will get out of here," Hansel said, interrupting his sister. They promised each other and then relaxed in the very small glade, resting their feet and playing guessing games.  Suddenly, their noses were filled with an oddly sweet aroma.  The children followed the wonderful scent – it grew stronger and more delicious. Mouths dripping with drool, Hansel and Gretel finally reached it. In front of their eyes and noses sat a house made entirely out of the most delicious looking sweets. The roof was coated with fluffy white icing; pink, sticky syrup drizzled and dripped along the sides of the dark chocolate exterior; a gum drop door frame was sopping with sparkling icing sugar; a frothy milk chocolate river flowed under a gingerbread bridge that led to a gingerbread door; and a lollipop garden sat in front of a large crystallized sugar window. Hansel and Gretel stood stunned for a moment, and then, without caution or hesitation, they ran to the house and began stuffing their faces full of candy. "What little pretties have come to my house today?" screeched an odd voice. Hansel and Gretel stopped short and stared at one another – each was messy and covered in candy. "Ugh!" they whisper-shouted in unison. "Oh, two little ones to enjoy!" the voice screeched again.  Hansel and Gretel turned and stared at a very small woman with scraggly hair wearing a long pink dress.  She was very strange looking and smelled quite funny – a little too sweet. The old woman then invited Hansel and Gretel into her house. "There's more candy in here!  Fresh candy, my sweets!" she called to them, motioning them inside her house. Hansel immediately ran into the candy house despite Gretel's cautious protests.  After a while of standing outside, the old woman popped her jagged-toothed head out from the little house and beckoned Gretel: "Come in, come in.  My, my, you are very pretty!" With this, alongside her idea of Hansel stuffing his face in the interior of the house, Gretel eventually followed inside. When Gretel entered the house, she immediately heard the gingerbread door shut heavily behind her.  She turned around and noticed that the entire inside of the candy house was made of solid steel.  Inside the house were bags and bags of brilliant gold coins. Gretel whipped her head back around to see that Hansel was locked up in a cage hanging directly overtop of a boiling pot of water!  This woman was no woman at all - she was an EVIL WITCH! "Now, go sit at the table, little pretty," the evil witch commanded Gretel. "Help me slice up those chops.  We are going to fatten him up!" she exclaimed excitedly, pointing over to Hansel. Now Gretel understood the evil witch's plan: she had used her candy house to lure them inside so that she could eat them up for dinner! Gretel thought all hope was lost as she sat at the large metal table slicing meat.  She sobbed and sliced; she sliced and sobbed.  Gretel filled three large buckets full with the fatty food for the old woman to cook in her large boiling pot.  Poor Hansel sat anxiously thinking of a way to escape.  He watched as Gretel threw the scraps and bones into a separate pile beside the buckets of sliced meat. Suddenly, Hansel was struck with a brilliant idea: he started to cough violently - in an attempt to attract Gretel's attention. "Oh, quit your hacking!  You best not be sick if I am going to snack on you!" the evil witch shrieked.  All the commotion caused Gretel to look up in Hansel's direction.  He motioned her to distract the evil witch.  Seeing her poor brother's desperation, Gretel scoured her brain for a way to distract the evil witch. After a moment of thought, Gretel cried and dropped her knife: "Oh my!" she cried. "What do you think you're doing?  Get back to work!" the evil, selfish witch shrieked once more. "I think I saw a...  I think I saw a...  A DRAGON outside!" Gretel cried, convincingly.  Hansel held back laughter since Gretel’s claims were getting a little more and more ridiculous. "A DRAGON you say?" the evil witch questioned. "Oh, goodness.  That was most definitely a dragon I saw!  It will surely burn down the forest with its fiery breath and then your candy house will be revealed to all the grown ups in the land!"  Gretel declared.  "How will you ever catch children if your candy house is not secret to the grown ups – who can no longer smell the sweetness of the candy?" Gretel questioned with her voice sweet as the syrup that dripped from the roof. With this, the evil witch unlocked the steel and/ or gingerbread door and ran outside in search of the supposed dragon. Hansel quickly motioned Gretel to hand him one of the bones lying in the scrap pile.  Gretel held up a large bone, but Hansel shook his head; she held up a thick bone, but Hansel shook his head; and then, from the bottom of the pile, Gretel found the thinnest bone of all and brought it over to Hansel's cage for she knew what he would be using it for. He told her his plan just in time for them to hear the evil witch hustling back. Just as Gretel sat down at the large metal table, the evil witch stormed in the house looking puzzled. "Well, no dragon in sight!  Not even the tip of a tail or the smell of smoke!" she exclaimed. "Perhaps he smelled you coming," Gretel replied frankly, continuing to slice the chops. "Dragons have a sharp sense of smell, you know," she said curtly. "Hmph... Chop larger!  The larger the better, little pretty!" the evil witch demanded, closing the steel door but forgetting to lock it. As the evil witch focused on Gretel's slicing, Hansel quietly maneuvered the thin bone around in the keyhole of his cage: CLINK!  CLICK!!  DING!!! Slowly and quietly, Hansel removed the bone and waited patiently for his plan to unfold. Once Gretel had finished her slicing, the evil witch walked it over to the pot located directly underneath Hansel. "Well?  What are you waiting for, little pretty?  Help me get this food in the pot!” the evil witch ordered Gretel. "Hmm.  That pot doesn’t look quite hot enough," Gretel said. "I will dip your little feet in and we can check," the evil witch sneered. "How can you trust that I will say it is hot enough?  I will surely lie and then the food will never be cooked for my brother to eat," Gretel replied. The evil witch furrowed her brow and looked from the pot to Gretel and back again. "Oh, I suppose you're right.  Stay there.  I will check to see if the water is almost at a boil," the evil witch huffed. Gretel remained behind as the evil witch approached the pot. Gretel waited for Hansel's signal. Just as the evil, selfish witch brought the tip of her long, crooked nose to the boiling water, Hansel kicked his cage door open.  This gave Gretel the signal to push the evil witch into the boiling pot of water.  The evil witch toppled over into the pot just in time for Hansel to land right on her head, avoiding the hot water beneath his feet.  The heat from the water melted the old witch into sweet, gooey syrup. The children ran out of the house once they had gathered the sacks of gold that the evil witch had stolen over the years from the other children that came by her candy house. Hansel and Gretel followed the path from which they first smelled the candy until they reached the very small glade where Hansel had last dropped bread crumbs; however, the children found that their bread crumbs had been eaten and replaced by their favourite stolen skipping stones by none other than the rascal bird that had stolen them.  The bird chirped happily as it finished its last breadcrumb. Apparently, the bird had been hungry too! Hansel and Gretel gathered their skipping stones in the bags of gold and made their way home. When they arrived, they ran into the embrace of their father, who had become a widowed man after their mother had, ironically, died from food poisoning. Their father welcomed them home and apologized for letting their mother’s selfishness overcome him. They took care of him with pity until his death from a slower, more subtle, and unfortunately more painful food poisoning shortly after. The two siblings lived in happiness together for the rest of their days sharing their newfound wealth with the land and, of course, skipping stones in the lake half a mile over while feeding their naughty bird breadcrumbs.

A SPOKEN POETRY BY: JALIL CAYDA

Eto na ang huli” 

Eto na ang huli Na gagawa ako ng tula 

Eto na ang huli 

Na ikaw ang paksa 

Eto na ang huli Na mamahalin ka 

Dahil pinipili ko ang magpaalam na 

Pagod na rin akong ipilit pa, 

Na baka pwedeng ito’y maayos pa 

Kailangan ko na rin sigurong tanggapin 

Na pinagpalit mo na’ko sa kanya 

Kaya sisiguraduhin ko Kung eto na ang huli 

Di na to mauulit muli 

Tatanggapin ko Na 

pinili mong itapon ang tatlong taon 

Para sa lalaking halos nakilala mo lang kahapon

Halos kahapon lang 

Pero nagawa mo agad akong bitawan, 

Tatanggapin ko 

Na sya na at hindi na ako 

Sya na ang magiging kahawak-kamay mo 

Dahil binitawan mo na ako 

Tataggapin ko na hanggang dito nalang to 

Dahil nagsimula na ang istorya niyo 

Pero sana sa pagtanggap ko 

H’wag ka magsisi sa bago mo 

Dahil balita ko Batikang manloloko yang pinili mo 

Kwento pa nga nila, 

Habit niyan ang magkolekta, 

Masakit man sa’kin 

Na ang itinuring kong prinsesa 

Ay pipiliin ang katulad niya 

Ilang ulit kong tinangkang bawiin ka, 

Pero tinaboy mo lang ako sa harap niya 

Siguro nga, 

may pagkukulang lang ako 

At sakanya mo yun nakita 

Pero sana Hindi ka nagkamali 

Sana naging tama ka 

Na pinili mo sya 

Kung mangyari man yun 

Mga sakit at hapdi’y titiisin ko 

Dahil alam kong napunta ang prinsesa ko sa tamang tao 

Tatanggapin ko na mahal 

Na sa susunod na gagawin kong tula 

Ay hindi na tungkol sayo 

Dahil eto na ang huli 

Na hahabulin ka, 

Pagkat alam kong sa kanya ka pa rin sasama 

Eto na ang huli 

Na aalayan ka 

Kaya mahal Paalam na 

Alam ko namang masaya ka na 

Sinimulan ko ng tanggapin 

Na wala na nga 

Eto na ang huling beses na sasabihin ko

 ‘to “I Love You”

 Pero ngayon mas mahal mo na sya 

Kaya pinipili ko nalang 

Na panuorin ang inyong istorya 

Kahit sobrang sakit sakin na makitang mas masaya ka sa kanya Tataggapin ko na hindi ko na magagawang hawakan ang palad mo 

At hindi ko na mahahagkan ang matamis na yakap mo 

Masakit man mahal, Pero “Mag-enjoy sana kayo ng bago mo

WANNA KNOW HIM MORE? CHECK HIM OUT! :) https://www.facebook.com/jalil.cayda

[oldnintendonerd]

The SNES Collection

Ah here it is! The SNES! It is probably my favorite console from Nintendo. Released in August of 1991, and triggering the notable console wars. It was superior, at least in my opinion, to everything it went up against at the time. This could be argued until everyone is dead and gone, but to me, The Old Nintendo Nerd, SNES takes it.

This console is in much better shape. Extremely clean, near mint condition as compared to my NES. Zero yellowing, dings, dents, scratches, scuffs or marks really of any kind. It is as if it was just taken out of the box. The elusive box, unfortunately, that, like the NES box, is also long gone. In trying to obtain one of these I believe there was a great deal of resistance in getting a SNES anywhere near launch date. If I had to guess I would say it was somewhere in 1994 that I actually got a SNES of my own. Likely purchased by my parents as well. I obviously took better care of the console itself, but no such luck on the box.

Man, I wish I had kept that box.

So many incredible titles were released for this system. It has an absolutely stunning library behind it. I cannot wait to possibly get my hands on a few more of them. This collection is much smaller than the NES, with my N64 collection even smaller still. This was the result of moving to a more expensive platform as the NES was phased out, but still being a young teen with not much of my own money. The collection is small, though I still have some VERY good titles in here, take a look.

All in great shape aside for the one permanent marker “P” on Uniracers, damn it. Why did kids write on these things, what purpose could it ever serve? Ugh!

Even more so than the NES collection, there are gaps, where is Gradius III or Super Metroid? Pilotwings? F-Zero? We don’t even have a copy of any of the Mega Man X series. Or Mario Kart! For shame! Hopefully we can fix that in my quest to fill out my collection a little bit.

I’m not looking to get any complete sets with this quest. Let me make that perfectly clear. No that is so frightfully above my head at this point it isn’t even funny. It takes a level of both time and financial dedication I just could not begin to muster to go for a complete set. But I do want a nice, well rounded core set of really great games. To do that I do need to obtain a few select titles, including the ones above and maybe a few more. With any luck we’ll be rocking a respectable collection in a year or so, maybe two. I am under no impression that this will be completed in a few months. This will take patience, and persistence. Yard Sales, Garage Sales, Flea Markets, and maybe even LetGo and OfferUp.

LetGo and OfferUp have the tendency to have eBay syndrome though. To me it is still an attempt to get rid of something, like a Yard Sale, where the prices are “get it out of my house” low. But people still go on eBay, check prices and wind up pricing a dirty, yellowing Super Nintendo that they found in a box in the garage, have no idea if it works, with one filthy copy of Madden 95, no cords and one controller at $60. The $60 one they saw on eBay was pristine, tested and guaranteed working as well as bundled with all cords, two controllers and a clean copy of A Link to the Past.

You get my point, I ranted about this type of thing in the last post enough, I said there would be less ranting so I’ll let it be. For now. I’m sure it will come up again and again.

My favorite SNES game is probably Super Metroid. The game is an absolute masterpiece. From the controls, to the graphics, environment, ambiance and enemies, it is hands down one of the best games I have ever played. Period. I don’t think I could ever come up with a negative, it is a 10 out of 10 game.

And it is missing from my collection.

Womp Womp.

This one will be, as a friend put it, my white whale so to speak. It isn’t rare by any means, it is readily available on eBay and even in retail stores local to me, but for an astounding $50 to $60. If that does not speak to the quality of game that it is, I don’t know what does. I will have Super Metroid though. Mark. My. Words.

Of the games I own, while Mario World is up there, I think the one I played the most of is TMNT IV: Turtles in Time.

Played the hell out of this growing up, it was like the arcade game was on my TV. I loved it. Graphics, sound, music, controls, all top notch. Pitching foot soldiers into the screen to actually beat the boss? Genius. Solid 9 out of 10 game, a must have for collections of any size.

A very close second is Battletoads in Battlemaniacs.

Fantastic game, the graphics and animations are stellar, and it is hard. Boy is it hard. But it’s a Battletoads game, it has to be. I love the music too, you find yourself bobbing your head as you are playing. They even kept the pause beatbox.

This next one would be higher on the list had I played it more, but I honestly, and I am ashamed to say this, have never beaten, or even played very far into this game.

*dodges all of the rotten tomatoes and other vegetables that are thrown at me*

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past.

I have it back out, and have started a new play through, so I will do it, I want to, the game is awesome. I just got this very late in my career of the SNES, I would say something like 1997, maybe even as late as 1998, and didn’t ever play it all the way through. I probably started a dozen games that always got overshadowed by another new shiny game on a newer console. Namely the Nintendo 64, which had been out for at least a year by the time I got my hands on a copy of this game. It will get finished. Oh yes. Soon.

A friend and I would rent a SNES on a weekend with a Monday holiday. Like Labor Day or Memorial Day. Not only would we be off from school, but we would also not have to return the console until Tuesday. Normally if you rented a console for the weekend you had to return it Monday. We would play all weekend long. Probably switching between 2 or 3 different games that we also rented. I remember one weekend in particular we rented The Lost Vikings, and Out of This World. The Lost Vikings is a fantastic puzzle platformer. With each viking possessing a different ability to help the three progress as a group through each stage. Music is fantastic, graphics are engaging and the control is right where it needs to be. We played this for hours.

The fact that we rented this game further reinforces my guess of me getting a SNES in 1994, since Lost Vikings was released in 1993. Out of this World I believe was some time in 1992. Though I am not 100% sure, I know it came out on Amiga in 1991, but as for an official SNES release date, I’m coming up empty. I’m merely guessing it may have taken a little time to port it to the console. SNES released second half of 1991. Puting the possible release of Out of this World first half of 1992. It could very well have been the same year though. I recently picked up the re-release on steam with better graphics. It was a trip to play I’ll tell you. I don’t have a copy in my collection so I have not played it for a very long time.

Ten out of ten console, I could go on for the foreseeable future on this one. But I’ll resist and snip it off here.

No pickups or video game buys thus far, total stays $83.09.

Next Post, the Nintendo 64 collection!

2017.04.21

#snes #supernintendo #retrogaming #lostvikings #alinktothepast #battletoads #tmnt #turtlesintime #outofthisworld #anotherworld

[cold-iron-burns]

We've come to a consensus.

Everyone present at the time of this writing will do their best to inform the ones who need the support of a gentle delivery of current events.

The ayes have it.

YOU WOULD HAVE A PARLIAMENT AS YOUR COMMUNICATION SPACE

what's wrong with that? if we all actually do our jobs, so many more of us will be represented

THATS A LOGICAL ARGUEMENT, BUT WHO IS REALLY GETTING REPRESENTED

-wait WhAt?! HoW mAnY oF yOu ArE tHeRe

Oh honey, more than you will ever know. It's gonna be okay. We found each other and that's what's important. We're gonna start introducing ourselves,

*or at least, becoming more clear*

I love all of you so much, thank you so much for letting me in, for being patient with me. I think I'm the host? what iss. @ -o{oo#t?

started dissociating, it felt physically painful. the documenter.

And the enchanting lady is? *turns to tip his hat and wink at the camera* A -name-? Do you honestly think I could have settled on any name? Any singular--yes, Zed is going to sleep. I'm very fond of him. Attracted to him? He is my Adonis. Every inch of his body is particularly unique to his position in spacetime. There will never again be a Zed in which he appears, feels, smells and tastes exactly the same as he does at this exact moment, continued, forever and so on, as far as you know, infinitely. The Philosopher.

Wait, no, the Philanthropist

Wait wait NO, I stand by The Philosopher (for now)

[hold up, are y'all tellin me -- you c'n cawl me your White Trash Sweetheart, get rid of that bracket there, that's for the Host now

she doesnt know if she's the host or not, wibblywoooooo~ teen punk brat? aww man, fuck you you stupid piece of shit

hiiii yeah hi, I'm post-apocalypse punk Mayor (yes, you can call me that, but its aspirational) wow very humble -- golf commentater (now based on ugh this is important remember the actress' name, you look stupid, don't just stand there staring off into space, GET BACK TO WORK

OH YEAH, hi BiTcH --oh he's gone, that's -too- bad. well, as I'm here anyway, we should get to know one another. I'm "sassy black woman" because you're ashamed people will think you're using me just for drama and that's pretty fuckin racist--

I'm Final Form Chie. I started as so many of our seeds do, a poor slave girl, who loses her virginity yeah it's okay to make shortcuts

FOCUS

she gains skills, proves useful to the master, destroys the master (sometimes with kindness sometimes literally depending on what we need at the time)

[I didn't know it was that specific]

I'm mixed, actually, but I'm inspired SO MUCH by Claws. FUCKING REPRESENTATION FINAL--

>nope nope nope, shut it down<

John Cleese?

not exactly. A bit like the entire cast of monty python rolled into one. I'm from the countryside, but I can't say for sure where

woooooo we almost lost her there. she was panicking about losing this productive high, but she pulled through and FOUND THAT RUBI. Small Town Beauty Queen. I don't find it insulting if it helps you remember me. I started as Fern of Charlotte's Web. I keep that mournful lullaby for you. It really changed your path, dear heart. I don't become Miss America or anything, I'm too old by that time. But I love my family so much. You have so much anger

Yes, that's right, Dearie. Maiden, Mother, Crone. We don't think it was intentional but we like the power we have when we cooperate. Yes, we guide ... oh honey, don't cry, it's gonna be okay. no, n-n-no, no, you don't h-h-have to oh no, I really don't want to be here, I wasn't sure what to wear before, oh, I've gotten comfortable and I'm stuttering less. No, I don't think people who stutter in real life have this drastic of

oh, oh my. oh no, I'm still Achates.

Does it really surprise you? Chie and Amaury loved me so much that they couldn't bear to part entirely. They feel loyal to answer when you call on them when recalled in memories; they consider it their duty to fight in sharing our stories! With Pictures!

I don't need pictures

Don't you? you need to sleep, you're exhausted and you have an appointment tomorrow. Please go the fuck to bed. Slightly Extra (okay kinda actually just really ~(EXTRA)~

okay how do I... Ah, I got it. I'm the lucky early gen x mom you both wish you had -- no, we are not combined, sugar tits.

I'm the hardass 70s-80s mom you would have had if you're life was a movie. Well, technically I can mask as any kind of 70s-80s media mom (one of y'all--us! oh, yes, i hear you. I want you to know I would protect you, Kevin. MOM UGH

keep going - the sprites (soot or rainbow, we shift to suit your needs. we might steal your shoes. we are only some of the fae court. crossover unknown cannot compute - PLEASE HURRY. GOOD. I AM THE ROBOT OF THE 80s and --scratch that record

I'm that part of you who knew she couldn't look like Zach Morris and wanted so badly just to be a little boy. You were SO CONNECTED with the host when I was there?

wait, I'm the host

no, you--you are now because writing takes concentrating which you are losing quickly. Hello! I'm Sassy Progressive Upper Class CONCENTRATE, DAMMIT. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I don't care if I sound like -your-mom. Someone has to be the mom around here!

Someone has to be the mom around here.

Who wrote it?

you are high af.

keep letting your eyes go out of focus, yes you're getting sleepy, think how nice the bed will feel on that aching body. She deserves some rest, the old girl.

My body is a cow? wait, there's more. she shifts to being omniscient for scenes, if a cowsona (oh, yes, Buana and Gaushala and Pirwa ... Gaushala still has an arrow in the heart.

Yes, WoW Chie (Chiela will do.). I was here while you built your confidence to try... yes, dear, you really should sleep. TO TRY GETTING CATRIN AND RIAIN A HOME AFTER being abandoned when some of you lost the "spark" or whatever with Michael. I orchestrated some of the setup. you don't need to know my name. I'm both Italian immigrant/WHOA DO NOT EVEN CONNECT THE JEWISH COMMUNITY TO--NO, We Dont...*clears throat, drinks water*. No, you're not wealthy like Ms. Maisel, -we-, sorry, sometimes I have to pretend. Speaking of pretending, no, kid, I'm not as funny or talented as all the wonderful Jewish actresses (yeah yeah, Italian-American you, whatever his+her names are, we'll get to you later)

oh nooooo they're not sure if they'll fit the stereotype if they get loud but they wanna

yeah, sure kid, we sound a lot alike. we exist in a liminal space in which America (and new york city) (and every big american metropolis)... we can all celebrate our differences

It's alright, you just need to focus. I'm 90s Successful Well Paying Professional (I can be in the late 80s WA>T)

you're just stating tropes you stupid bitch

whale!

MISS PIGGY

LOOK AT HER FAT FINGERS

remember when you -hold on- hold on for me, my love lovely?

~do you wanna be my lover, gotta get wit my friends, make it last forever cause that's the way it is"

some of us havent learned to swype yet, fuuuuuck. you're popular--but not top tier popular 4th grade 4H champion with all the ribbons. you'll grow up (yes it's hard, i want to be a teacher one day. I'm based on Angie. I'm the imaginary life you might have led if your family wasn't so difficult. We should give them credit, everyone's trying their best. Oh, I can take on mom duties when I need, we also have kids in our future. We live in Lagrange (my husband and I, at this point in the line) but we don't make as much as our parents yet, though. Yet. Yes, I know what it feels like to feel content but maybe have some (or a lot of) wanderlust in life. I'm ten or so years older than you, so while our dedication to staying in Lorain County is important to the values we wish to impart on our children (yes we are Christian. We love Sharon with all our heart and we're so glad (there's a small congregation of us, maybe enough to fill a quiet one room cottage on Sunday, God willing. I'm inspired by the Amish women I see selling their wares and replicate "Amish" methods when making food for my family (I'm good friends with The Baker. We watch Steven Universe with you! We're so excited for the movie and hope we get to talk to you about it! I showed it to Chip and Carol, well I keep talking with them about it and they agreed to get around to watching it with me. I want to be a good ally. I'm, you know, only a little bi. I know that's probably inappropriate--oh- okay, oh, my, oh WOW are my hormones nuts. I'm pretty enough but nerdy enough that I'm kinda in a weird middle tier of popularity. Haha, oh, that's funny. I'm part Sunday (we miss her! some of us are so jealous of her we want to claw her comfortable boomer life from her hands.

That's awful. Shame on you. Suffering is relative.

SHE HASN'T EVEN SUFFERED A FRACTION OF WHAT I SUFFERED

Oh yes. You are the raw emotion of what the Host(?) feels when listening to Jekyll & Hyde, but only the certain version claws at our hearts

We salute the departed Host.

I miss her. Many of us do. But she crumbled under the pressure of knowing too much. She remembered too much before she was ready.

Parliament: We [redacted for time] ...salute her memory. She fought well, carried her armor, was ready to take on anything and change the world, even if in a small way.

She's Not Dead.

sprites: {hushed whispers to avoid being heard by parliament} {WAIT, NO, WE ARE NOT THE HOUSE OF COMMONS}

there's a lot of you when you get mad.

@@@@@@ Angie no, please don't put me to bed. I'm gonna be a computer genius - I mean, maybe not genius and did you know colleges could pay you to get a Bachelor's degree, it's called "scholarships", I mean, this changes -everything-!

I love you, Cameron. I came first, but you gave me a perfect form. I help the others feel calm. Community is punk, but is corporate entanglement the final destination-- hey, wait a minute, I'm not done talking!

whoa bitch. I mean, we have to mention joe. want to be him, want to fuck him, His story, too, is tangible to me. maybe we're a package deal now, ha! I'll try to remember the good times more than the bad, for the health of all of us.

SO SAY WE ALL

wait, what the fuck are you trying to say

hey, it's cool, it's cool.

nah it aint cool

STOP IT STOP FIGHTING

let's think about date sugar

Ah. That was a good distraction. but we really must be off to bed.

is this productive?

Love, it's okay to be sad about losing the real Ben. \It's okay to have any kind of feeling at all.

Ladies and gents and nonbinaries and everyone else, please at least get up into the bed to think about flickin the bean. More like taking a bush-hog to a lil baby bean sprout, but whatever. let the rest of us lie down.

night y'all!

:)

[trust-the-recovery]

two boyfriends

I have two boyfriends. One is a caring, dedicated boy who tries as hard as he can to make me happy, to make me feel loved, even if he cannot quite contrive those feelings in me. The other is my toilet, who does not try at all to make me feel loved, yet, as the toilet water splashes up on my cheeks as my partially digested food burns my tongue on its way out of my body, I feel loved more than in any other moment, any other scenario.

I am soft spoken. My voice is quiet, weak. My mother tells me to stop talking under my breath, to stop mumbling, but I don’t think she knows that I do not have enough strength in my diaphragm to push the words out any louder. If I was stronger, maybe I could tell her. Maybe I could finally say, “This is what I’ve become, and no matter how hard I try, I just cannot seem to accept myself.” Or maybe I could push the vomit out with more gusto when I find myself on yet another late night date with boyfriend #2.

I recently went 8 days without ever coming face to face with my darling porcelain partner. I had a really great streak going, ‘cause I’m trying to recover and shit. But as we all know, if there’s a wagon, there’s a chance you’ll fall off of it, and fall off I did. My salivary glands are swollen and the blood vessels around my eyes burst and my throat is sore and I’m dehydrated, but, hey, at least I’m skinny, right? At least I got rid of most of the 3,000 calories I just inhaled within a short 30 minutes that I almost can’t remember because my mind was gone fishing somewhere.

There I go again. I just avoided another social event in a long chain of social events that I’ve come up with excuses for why I will not be present. They go along the lines of this:

“My mom is making dinner so I’m going to stay home.”

“I’m going to a movie with my family, sorry!”

“I’m grounded. Ugh.”

If I told them the truth, the real reason why I’m not there, they might be horrified. They might shun me. Or worse, they might even express concern or worry for me.

“Sorry, I have to stay home because I need to eat until I think I might die and then stick my fingers down my throat on a date with someone who will never leave me. Ever.”

I guess I’m afraid of intimacy? I don’t really know for sure, but that’s what some self help book told me. Because I thought I could selfhelp my way out of this relationship with my toilet. When I think someone is starting to get to know me, to see me, as I am, this boring, pathetic shell of a human, panic sets in. It dawns on me that this someone will soon realize that I am not funny, I am not interesting, I am weird and I am clueless. I need to distract them, I need to make them think I am cool for just a little bit longer because if they see through this facade I am putting on they will surely leave me. Keeping everyone at a shallow level, never forming any deep, satisfying, gratifying relationships is the way to do this. No one will ever leave. You’re just the surface level friend, the fun, light girlfriend who never even considers allowing any thoughts having to do with anything deeper than a puddle or more profound than a bowl of oatmeal enter the small, small universe that is her mind.

I am trying to recover, though. I really am. I practice mindfulness. I have some coping skills. I really want to get better. It’s just, how can a therapist or a psychiatrist or a nutritionist or any other -ist teach me how to love myself? Because I can’t seem to figure it out on my own, and I’ve been trying for years upon years of disordered eating. How can they have the answer? How does anyone? How does anyone just….love themselves? How does anyone just….eat normally?

I’ve been watching a lot of standup comedy recently. My therapist told me it might be a good way to distract myself from my binge/purge urges. It did distract me, at least for a little bit, but then I weighed myself again and realized I gained two pounds. I think I blacked out after that.

I told someone recently that I was in recovery for an eating disorder, and she didn’t freak out at all. Not one bit. She just said, “Oh, good for you.” That was it. Do you realize what that means? Do you realize the incredible weight of those words, the concrete-smashing, glass-shattering force behind that remark? It means that my eating disorder, my obsession with eating but also with not eating and also with getting rid of any proof in my body of having eaten since I was thirteen years old, the thing that has ruled and dictated my life but somehow convinced me that I have some semblance of control over my body and ability to manipulate my metabolism, was not nearly as important to her as it is to me! She didn’t care! At all! This fucking obsession, these fucking compulsions, they don’t fucking matter. It’s just fucking food. I think I should be able to fucking get over this. I ought to tell more people about my recovery, it seems to give me some perspective.

I’ve been trying to break up with my boyfriend. The inanimate one. But I seem to keep on coming back to him, because he offers me some level of comfort, some type of feeling like I’m doing the right thing, some kind of feeling like I can keep any bad things from happening and any bad feelings from surfacing if I can just puke out my food, if I can just get rid of it. I know that that’s not in any way true, but I believe it with almost my whole being. I am firmly convinced of its reality, of its ability to impact my life.

I have to go have a snack now, because my meal plan reads, snack #1: watermelon smoothie at 10AM, and it is now 10:39AM. I can’t mess this up because Lord knows if I do, then I not only might but am obligated to throw caution to the wind and just binge and purge already because you already fucked up once, might as well just fuck up your whole day, right? Wish me luck–the kitchen is one of my most feared rooms in the house, besides the basement when the lights are off, of course. Oh, and the bathroom. Where the toilet is.

Bulimia’s a fucking bitch.

#ed recovery #eating disorder recovery

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: OMG you and the new boy! 💘🙌 Grace: love that for you babes Janis: lol thanks Grace: 😂😂 k yeah you're busy Grace: I will need that goss tho Janis: dumb and dumber will make up their own to fill in the blanks, I know Grace: LOL Grace: obvs but like Janis: you want the actual truth to spread, yeah Janis: you're alright, soz you won't get that cred Grace: UM rude I want the truth to know Grace: You're MY sister, hello Janis: 👌👌 Janis: hey Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: ugh just say he's boring whatever Grace: I know the feeling Janis: leave the games to your mates, and the jumping to the wrong conclusions, yeah, we ain't playing that shit Janis: why would I bother if he was, like every other cunt here Grace: Duh I'm only here cos of Leon Grace: so unbothered too Janis: 'course you are Grace: I unbae-d him hun, obvs am Janis: yeah, so you're here just for the fun Janis: cool Grace: I'm here to show him what he's missing so yeah Janis: 'cos you 'unbae-d' him Janis: defs the actions of someone very unbothered and not a girl who got dumped and is seeing how fast he gets a new bitch, and who Janis: count me as not it, yeah 👍 Grace: not even! I know he's seeing Kaya and like I said, idc Janis: well then, not showing him nothing then, he don't miss you Grace: OMG this is so yesterday Grace: here for your 😍 not my 🙄 Janis: are we? Janis: I'm here to pass PE Grace: not what the new boy's here for tho Janis: yeah, not in my class Grace: I know Grace: he takes art Janis: lol why do you know that Janis: you don't Grace: why DON'T you know that? Grace: 🔎👀 Janis: not out here doing a survey Grace: I hope not Grace: keep it sexy honey Janis: sexy Janis: you sound like a nan Janis: a weird one, at that Grace: 🤞 you don't look like one Grace: what ARE you even wearing rn OMG Janis: yeah, 'cos I'm the one that thinks a cardigan is stylish Janis: my pjs? Grace: 😱😱😱😱 Grace: YOU'RE JOKING Janis: it's not particularly funny but Janis: knee slap away Grace: I literally can't help you Grace: 🙏 bitch Janis: everyone's ready for bed, what are you chatting Janis: I wasn't getting dressed again Grace: not everyone's ready to bed a hot boy tho Grace: I can't even with you Janis: if we were gonna fuck he'd see even less so Janis: don't think he's any more bothered than I am Grace: That's SO not the point Janis: are you gonna tell me Janis: cba to guess, like Grace: we do not have time for a masterclass! Grace: 🙏 you're right babes Janis: considering I'm here, I clearly am Grace: unless he's literally inside you rn in which case EW don't chat to me Grace: you don't know that for sure Janis: why would you even say that Janis: you're twisted Grace: Oh please Grace: I'm a nan, UM okay Janis: yeah, and I'm not interested in the incest you're peddling, thanks Grace: why would YOU even say that Grace: so gross Janis: you brought it up Janis: you think you'd be better at gaslighting by now Janis: tell your boyfriends to up their game Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: tell your boyfriend you don't always do 0 effort, he might be new enough to fall for it Janis: you get one that stays longer than the 3 minutes it takes him to pump and dump, I'll listen to your 'advice' Grace: you get one EVER & maybe I'll take it Janis: yeah, egg on my face for not letting every lad that wants to inside Janis: lmao 🥴🥴🥴 queen of romance as if you've ever had that either Grace: I've turned down so many lads THANK YOU Janis: 😂😂😂 Grace: 👌👌👌 👋 Janis: k yeah you're busy Janis: turning away all those elligible bacherlors will take all of two minutes of you staring at yourself delusional in the mirror, like Janis: nighttime routine! Grace: You're such a bitch Janis: Yeah, you too Grace: Literally where?? Janis: we do not have time to go through all those receipts! Janis: honey Grace: You don't Janis: 💔 Grace: sure Janis: Go talk to Holly and Jessica, they'll make you feel better Grace: I'm doing my night time routine, babes Grace: duh Janis: besties who cry together, no Janis: that's your whole schtick, they'll be inconsolable by now Grace: I'm not crying off a £35 mask Grace: you'll all have to get over it Janis: how effective it is on you, you may as well use it on them instead Janis: revenge acne, very cute Grace: I'm so sorry that my skin needs like a £100 one, okay? OMG Janis: yeah well, I appreciate you realise how tough it is on me Janis: tah babes Grace: leave me alone Janis: I have Janis: 💔 remember Grace: fine, go away Janis: find a spare room and make that feasible Grace: don't even bring him here Grace: I s2g Janis: it's alright, he don't fancy you Janis: the mask won't shatter the illusion, like Grace: Exactly, so just don't, okay? Janis: I'm not going to, Christ Grace: 👌 Janis: Really, Grace, what the fuck Grace: ???!! Janis: like I'm gonna fuck anyone when you're in the room Grace: like that's what I said or meant Janis: yeah, so as per, you can have your friends in whenever Janis: gotcha Grace: that's different Grace: my friends aren't boys Janis: wouldn't make a difference to you Grace: OMG I'm literally saying it does Janis: and it's bullshit Grace: sure Janis: you know it is Grace: no I don't Janis: you want an example of how much of a bitch you are, case in point Janis: my friends were never good enough, male or female Janis: yet we all have to put up with yours every weekend Grace: You don't have friends for me to judge Grace: if I was even bothered which I'm obvs not Janis: Convincing as it was first time 'round Grace: UGH Grace: I'm happy for you but I don't need to extend that to a welcome party in our room like Janis: Whatever Janis: later then Grace: Bye Grace: Are you back in for good? Janis: Probably Grace: I'll get the light then Janis: 👍 Janis: I would've found my way alright, like Grace: sure but I'm not breaking my neck thanks Janis: from the bottom bunk? Janis: impressive Grace: the amount I overpacked is Grace: cannot move Janis: note the 'over' there is negative, not positive Grace: oh great 💘😘 hasn't put you in a better mood Janis: you're the one here copping an attitude 'cos I won't enable your problem, but go off Grace: if you wanna invent problems for me to have, you go off hun Janis: the 'you've got enough' comes too easy Janis: make me work for it Grace: & you're never too busy, yeah? Grace: poor boy 💔 Janis: you see him here Janis: specifically not, on your orders 'cos you out here looking like shrek Grace: he just left you, give him at least one sec of thought like Grace: so rude Janis: capable of having more than one at a time, sweetheart Janis: god bless Grace: LOL Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: no use, won't be able to spot your brain like that Grace: Thanks for the advice Grace: I was gonna say it for actually doing what I asked but you're right back to being a bitch again so 🤷 Janis: 'cos the definition is famously 'do everything I say or you're a cunt' Janis: you'll never be Mia, babes Janis: not got that kinda clout over them, let alone me Grace: OMG stop Janis: 'cos you know it's true Janis: no bigger bitch than your bestie Grace: You can take the title if you want it babes Janis: your bestie? Janis: no tah Grace: the biggest bitch Janis: same difference Janis: keep up Grace: You don't even know her Janis: we ALL know her 🙄 Grace: She can be a lot, UM HELLO, so can I Janis: 😱 NO Janis: fucking hell Janis: what a revelation, call the press Grace: The rumor mill is focused elsewhere rn Grace: 💔 obvs Janis: I know Janis: get a nude 'leaked' like your fat friend Janis: worked for all of ten seconds Grace: if you want me to kms sure Janis: 🤷 Grace: won't call the press on that revelation hun Janis: I wouldn't Janis: bit embarrassing Janis: not all publicity is good publicity Grace: you'd know I guess Janis: 😂 you're actually jealous Janis: that's funny Grace: of what? Grace: you losing your virginity finally Janis: there's nothing sadder than sounding like a rode hard put away wet slag full of regret at 15, for starters Janis: we get it, you've never had an orgasm or a 'man' that weren't a piece of shit, get a vibrator and put down the cigs, Shirley Janis: and secondly, not got time for the list when you know perfectly well what Grace: & there's nothing more tragically desperate than getting with that boy cos he doesn't know anything about you Grace: he'll find out Janis: and everyone knows everything about you Janis: rather, they could, if they were interested to ever look Janis: it's gotta be hard being 10th most interesting, even Junior had some closeted appeal Janis: 💔 Grace: okay Jan, you're so mysterious Grace: good luck working that angle for another 15 years babes Janis: good luck being a bleeding heart for that long Janis: interest in the sob story ran dry long before your eyes have ever Janis: how infuriating, I don't want it, actively try to get rid of it, and I still get more than you Janis: gutted for you, truly Grace: sure Janis: I know, sympathy ain't what you want Janis: but it's all that's on offer for you so chow down, babe Grace: 😂😂 you think you know me like that Janis: everyone does, remember Janis: you think you get it both ways Janis: take that whilst you can 'cos it's coming up for 5 years and truly, the dead sister bit is dead Janis: Kiera O' Malley's dad died so it's #overparty sweetie Grace: You're twisted Janis: no shit Janis: get them to get you a therapist, all the 👂👀 you can buy Grace: Why would I go when I can send you in with all the issues you've invented for me Grace: hmu with the highlights hun Janis: Christ, don't pretend you don't know Janis: you want that angle Janis: to be this pathetic AND unaware of it Janis: self-awareness is your only shot at some dignity at this point Grace: I know all my angles thanks Janis: it's super funny when you pretend to be a full-time bimbo Janis: not tired at all Grace: IKR 🙌 Janis: kinda sad Janis: do you ACTUALLY think they'd rather be friend with the OTT 'happy' bitch, genuinely? Like you HAVE to know all your 'friends' are waiting for is the inevitable meltdown when you fall apart so they can see what earrings they can scavenge from your carcass Janis: livetweeting how #problematic you are and finally saying how little they fucked with you, anyways, but all the best in life, nothing but love, girl 😘 Grace: Oh honey, I'm 100% not that bitch EVER Grace: can't you spy the dynamic from your moral high ground? awks Janis: oh honey, just 'cos they're keeping the runt around to fatten up, does not mean you're not next on the spit Janis: sadder than I thought Janis: you'll actually be sad when it happens, fuck me Grace: flattered to be called out as that thin tbh Janis: ha, eating disorder gang got jokes Janis: burns calories Janis: not AS much as crying though so crack on Grace: Mhm so does hooking up, so you'll have a way into the squad now hooray Janis: not the way y'all do it, pillow princess Grace: you've never seen the way I do it Grace: my tapes are yet to be leaked Janis: as if they're filming Janis: darling if you were any good, you'd get callbacks, not pied off before a camping trip Janis: but god bless with that #metoo spirit Grace: everyone's ALWAYS filming, check your socials Grace: & I dumped him so 👏 for bringing that fake news back Janis: nah, you didn't Janis: you should get dumpee tatted right under your doormat forehead tat Janis: let 'em know just how much they can get away with Janis: so hot Grace: were you there lurking or are you finally over that now? Janis: lol i'm the one with the obsessive personality Janis: now you're just being silly Janis: check your socials Janis: you've not copped that totally 'anon' post with all the tea only a REAL bestie SHOULD know? 🤔 Grace: I came here so obvs I am ridiculous yeah Janis: no shit Janis: you should be home, smacking her in the face Janis: but you've chased after a lad who was 3 fingers deep in another silly bitch at brekkie Janis: that's fun for you, yeah? Grace: 🥊 is more of a look you like to wear Grace: but sure Janis: sort it out Janis: it's not bad enough you let anyone with a dick in this town make a mug of you, you have to let her as well Grace: I didn't come here for Leon Grace: he wishes Janis: This is why I can't do this with you Janis: he doesn't and you did Janis: crying otherwise helps your case none Janis: actually do something about it if you don't like the narrative Grace: That is literally what I'm doing Grace: if I stayed home it would look like I was crying over him Janis: well right now you just look like you're stalking him Janis: maybe if you tried with the activities, like Grace: ugh that's easy for you to say Grace: it'd look really good when I tried & still can't do it Grace: Get a clue OMG Janis: I ain't saying become Bear Grylls Janis: just have a laugh, with the other girls on this trip that ain't too scared to look anything less than their knock-off idea of 'perfect' Grace: as if Grace: the other girls on this trip don't wanna be my besties Grace: 🔪 are out Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah and that helps the lads fuck all of you over Janis: just build a fucking raft together, don't need to braid each other's pubes and make friendship bracelets on the last day Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: no bitch fucks with me, I ain't getting pushed into the lake Grace: I'm not you Grace: 💔 obvs Janis: yeah, use some of that scathing attitude on the people who need to hear it Janis: why can you be a total bitch to me but you'll 😢 and hold back on every other cunt who actually wants to see you fail Grace: you're my sister Janis: don't remind us, yeah Grace: never Grace: it's bad enough we're sharing a room rn what am I 9? Janis: not my fault your bestie can't fart without breaking a bone Janis: if I could share with anyone else, obvs 💔 Grace: it's not my fault either Grace: anything she does Janis: wasn't about to say you were the instigator of the starvation army Grace: Duh Grace: not looking like this I'm not Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: her dedication to ending up in the ground with all her #thinspiration goals is not aspirational Grace: & neither is this Janis: soz, you wanna truffle shuffle louder, I didn't catch the scope of your GINORMOUS wobbling jelly rolls from here Janis: shut up Grace: you've literally said worse to me Janis: and? Grace: don't tell me to shut up Grace: so rude Janis: you know I ain't here to listen to you chat utter shite Grace: I just said, it isn't & so have you before Janis: That's your problem Janis: getting your esteem from people who hate you Janis: yourself included, naturally Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: if that were true Leon wouldn't be my ex Grace: go tell him to shut up if you're so concerned Janis: if it weren't true, you wouldn't have fucked with him in the first place Janis: or include him on the list, he's a prime twat Grace: We get new boys literally never & you 💍 him when we did Janis: don't be dramatic Janis: you go for the wrong ones to begin with Janis: correction, they go for you and you don't tell 'em to fuck off Grace: Oh okay yeah I'll date the 🤓 Janis: Probably better than getting piped n pied by the fuckboys Janis: seriously, how many have you lot got in common, it's grim Grace: not if I don't understand half the words they say Grace: I've got you to make me feel stupid Grace: & the others, 10th most interesting, right? 🏆 Janis: you want to be stupid Janis: or at least be seen as, pretend you are like that makes all this shit okay somehow Janis: who am I to deny you that, bimbo? Grace: 😂😂 you don't know what I want Janis: neither do you, chuckles Janis: it's a shit show Grace: Exactly Grace: but I know what I don't want & it's 🤓 thanks Janis: like there's two choices Janis: you don't live in an american teen drama, much as you make-believe it Grace: like I'm spoilt for any Janis: stop being so judgemental Janis: not gonna do you any favours Janis: if I need to tell you that, when I go out of my way to do it, you've got a problem Grace: neither is running some kind of virgin training school Grace: but sure Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 alright Grace Janis: continue to cry about how shit your friends are, how shit the boys who fuck you are, whilst only letting the worst people into your life Grace: OMG I'm just saying everyone already thinks I'm gonna take my clothes off every time I upload Grace: I don't need predatory status against 🤓 Janis: because I'm saying fuck every nerd in school without prejudice Janis: I'm saying there's plenty of alright lads who would like you that you won't give the time of day right now Grace: bitch where?? Grace: an alright lad likes YOU not me Janis: so all boys are shit Janis: like all friends bitch behind each other's backs Janis: YOU'RE settling because you don't reckon you could do any better, that no one decent would fuck with you, admit that 'cos blaming the world ain't gonna change the world you're surrounding yourself with Grace: SO DRAMATIC Grace: I know I can't, I've been sat down here saying it literally the length of this convo Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: I've said it, you have, Leon has, the boy before him has Janis: Nah, you won't try Janis: you're scared everyone's right Janis: get some fucking ambition and get out of this town or you're gonna end up like the rest of them Janis: knocked up by some prick from 'round here and that's all you've got Grace: cos this town is the problem Grace: as if Janis: death tolls high for a reason, baby Janis: Carly, Eds, they were trying to escape too fucking late and they only way they could Janis: at least they got out, everyone sensible has Janis: Ma, Rio, they're fucking stuck for life Grace: they were trying to escape people, things, whatever Grace: she was no happier anywhere else we lived Janis: we were babies, you don't remember that Janis: that's the bullshit they've fed you 'cos it's all that keeps them from doing themselves in with the guilt Grace: okay Janis: anyway, semantics, if you want it that way, girl Janis: it's this family we all want out of Grace: but we can't Janis: yeah, we can Janis: where's Billie, where's Junior, Nancy Janis: like I said, anyone with sense jumped ship there and then Grace: that's away not out, nobody gets to be out Janis: they're not coming back Janis: they're as out as she is Grace: no they're not Janis: get a clue and check out 'til we can actually go too Grace: check their socials then check hers Grace: she's the only one who died Janis: worse than dead Janis: least you can all pretend she didn't wanna go, yeah Janis: she was coming back Janis: they're actively choosing to stay the fuck away, every day, and they're right Grace: She was, Janis Grace: cope with that Janis: she's dead anyway, cope with that Janis: all the family love in the world ain't saved none of us, her included Grace: It's not me hiding behind her Janis: it's not hiding when you don't want to be found Janis: and you can babble on about what an open book you are but you're the biggest fake of them all Janis: at least da flaked all those times he couldn't hack it, at least ma's a cheat who's fucked over everyone she 'loves', at least Rio is a whore who's fucking her own family to boot Janis: they talk a big game on the happy family, but their actions say otherwise Janis: you're just, here Janis: hoping we all get it back, like it was ever good Grace: #fakeittilyoumakeit babes Grace: I'm 15 where do you want me to go? In Billie's footsteps cos LOL that modelling career is a no Janis: you miss the part where I said check out 'til it's over Janis: let it go, Grace, let everyone go, because they're gone Grace: I'm still waiting for you to tell me how Janis: It ain't hard Janis: they might not be as forthcoming giving you reasons to hate them as I am Janis: but it's not taxing to find 'em Janis: bubbling under the surface, barely Grace: I hate you but we're still having this chat Janis: it's all perfunctory Grace: like I know what that means Janis: Truer words Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 okay Janis: Night Grace: 👋 Janis: [Assault death drop] Janis: 💀 yet? Grace: about to kms Janis: 🙌 Janis: you really took our little talk to heart Grace: literally nothing to do with you but 👌 Janis: sure it is Janis: you think you're getting solo interest rn? Janis: I'll tell 'em it's gone from a sickbed to a deathbed, see if they go for it Grace: UM I don't want it thanks Grace: I can die of shame away from the 👀🍿 Janis: Bollocks 😂 Janis: it's the most fun you've had all trip Grace: You said do activities! This is so your fault Janis: See, you took multiple chats to heart, awh Janis: you're not even hurt, just your ego Grace: OMG I am not in the mood Grace: go away Janis: damn, lanky and large not fluff your pillow just right Janis: can't get the staff, babe Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: you know what's wrong you were LITERALLY there Janis: yeah, you eat shit, the boy laughed Janis: an amusing scene but not one you need to hide in the sickbay for Grace: STOP Janis: you're so self-involved, take a look around, baby, plenty people making mugs of themselves, it's half the point Janis: Kerri-Ann gave herself the biggest wedgie on the aerial course Janis: probably picking that out still today Grace: okay that was funny Grace: but just Janis: I get it, it's not funny when it's you, yeah Janis: better to laugh it off though than be a primadonna or that'll be your camp moniker by the end of this and your ladies in waiting will have to kms too Grace: I can't now Janis: well, I'll tell you when it's safe to come out Janis: when the fat lad takes a tumble or whatever else is the laugh of the minute Grace: I picked him to be my partner so this wouldn't happen! 😠😠😠 Grace: boys are so unreliable like Janis: they're not famed for their use of words, give you that Janis: it was an accident, like Janis: no wink wink nudge nudge let's let the bitch fall was happening Janis: the teachers aren't that useless, quite Grace: thank god Grace: I'd have to kill him before myself & my wrist hurts so like no Janis: you started slicing already Janis: hit up the samaritans this ain't my scene Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: come on, that was funny too Grace: no Janis: spoilsport Grace: You still won, get over it Janis: Obviously Janis: who else would Grace: not Leon that's for sure Grace: that girl makes me look athletic Janis: 😂 Grace: she's not even the one he's telling people he dumped me for Grace: but I'm a slag, okay Janis: ladies, ladies Janis: you're BOTH slags Grace: LOL Grace: I'm gonna get dad to pick me up Grace: give it my best 💜 por favor, venha me resgatar, pai 💜 Janis: don't be dumb Janis: you'll look like more of a baby than you already do Grace: &? Janis: you're supposed dying of shame in there Janis: it's counterproductive Janis: get up and get over it, minimal damage Grace: like you care Janis: Obviously not Janis: but you apparently do, so much Janis: so think on Grace: to what? I shouldn't even be here anyway Janis: you want the lasting impression to be the girl that showed up, threw a paddy and then ran away Grace: focus on the fact you'll have your own room babes Janis: exactly Janis: why you tryna do me any favours Grace: not about you hun Grace: embrace the concept Grace: & new boy's 😍😍💘😘 Janis: yet I win again Janis: alright Grace: it's not me v you Grace: it was me v Leon & there was a glimmer of hope in one quite fit lad but 💔 obvs Grace: not gonna get with him if he can't handle a blindfold, am I Janis: that was your master plan Janis: jesus Grace: Duh Janis: Ooh Leon, lemme prove what a slag I ain't and a total catch and fling myself at a random boy Janis: showed him Janis: lucky it didn't work if that was your idea of a point to you Grace: No, let me show you how much I don't care that you think I'm a slag & neither does anyone else Grace: that boy included Janis: he definitely cares Janis: banking on it Janis: honestly, get a clue Grace: whatever it's not about to happen Janis: good Janis: 'cos that's the stupidest thing you've said all holiday and that's saying something Grace: such a bitch Janis: such a stupid slag Janis: we've all got our cross to bear Grace: Yeah Janis: 🙄 fucking hell Janis: anyway, they've stopped talking about you and da has a job so don't be a dick Grace: like that'd stop him or you're concerned about anything he does Janis: like you are Janis: least I don't pretend to care so he'll drive me places Grace: 🙄 let it go, he's not answering Janis: probably on the phone to his actual favourite Janis: 💔 bummer Grace: Mhmm Janis: wouldn't say you're 10th on that one but definitely not 🥇 Grace: you're 10th, I'm 9th Janis: Nah, idiot Janis: the white kid was 10th, it's pretty obvious Janis: Junior's 9th 'cos he literally hated him so much from birth he had to bounce Janis: Billie is 2nd 'cos came back for her, Pablo's 3rd, Iggy's 4th, rest you lot can duke it out for 5,6,7 and I'll take 8th Grace: not now she's dead, she isn't 🙏✞💕 Grace: & Junior has to be higher up now so he can repent honey Janis: kid yourself he weren't relieved Janis: ain't no one but black grandma believe in that shit Janis: and that's just as a handy-dandy rule book for him #sparetherodspoilthechild #obviously Grace: he's kidding himself, doesn't matter what I think Janis: nah Janis: he's happy being cucked, clearly Janis: plus competition got lower once Carly pegged it Grace: 🤷 Janis: n'awh Grace: worry about yourself and getting Ollie out of the way now I'm stuck here Janis: why would I Grace: cos you're 😍💍💘 Janis: so? Janis: you can do one, idc where you are Grace: UM NO Grace: you can Janis: nah Janis: you've got no use for a bed rn Janis: piss off to your friend's room Grace: being a bitch isn't gonna help you here babes Janis: then stay Janis: see how much that helps you Grace: so twisted Janis: you're the one refusing to leave, apparently Janis: been warned Janis: 🤷 Grace: EW Janis: don't worry, maybe your fwightened lil virgin theory will finally pay off for you and you can feel better about your own sexual history at my expense Janis: 🤞 for you babes Grace: OMG stop being gross Grace: I don't wanna see what's all over my feed thank you Grace: I definitely don't need IRL access Janis: 😂 Janis: OK nan 👌👌 Janis: you've always been the definition of can dish it out but not take it Janis: poor boy(s) 💔 Grace: I've never fucked a boy in front of you Janis: there's a lot you ain't done but I've heard plenty about Janis: difference between us is I ain't all talk Janis: you'll have to fuck off then, won't you Grace: cos everything you've heard is the truth Grace: oh please Janis: I mean from YOUR mouth Janis: it's empowerment and ownership when you do it, and Rio can get it all out for everyone at the right price Janis: but nah, not me Janis: you wish I was half the virgin you reckon, then you'd have ONE thing over me, yeah? get a grip Grace: I repeat, I'm not doing it in front of your face, bitch Janis: I repeat, you try to tell EVERYONE how good you are in the sack 'cos you know there are 3 hotter sisters to choose from Grace: No I don't! Janis: it's pathetic, stop it Grace: You're being extra & if you need ME to tell you, stop it Janis: What's your edge then? Janis: go on Grace: why is everything a competition with you OMG Janis: because it is, always has been Janis: come on, this is your thing, what's your target demo, babe, who are YOU catering to? Janis: you wanna be a 2nd rate Ri forever, yeah, cool Grace: SHUT UP Janis: Exactly Grace: You want me to hate you, I do Grace: Let it go Janis: not how hate works Janis: you really got to thinking Edie might care 'cos she let up, gave it some time and space Janis: no chance Janis: you ain't gonna forget Grace: I'm not doing this with you rn Janis: nah, you ain't Janis: put your face on Grace: it's always on hun Janis: You look a state Janis: and he's coming over Janis: get over it Grace: He's not coming to see me Janis: Who is Janis: Never stopped you before Grace: freak out about him all you want Grace: directing it at me tho Grace: really Janis: why would I Janis: I know who I am, who I'm catering to Janis: I'm the effortless one Grace: sure Jan Janis: maybe you'll think of a better selling point one day Grace: maybe you'll stop being so closed off one day Janis: don't count on it, babe Janis: especially not tonight, yeah Grace: 🤞 he isn't Grace: easy to fake being a person for a few days, yeah? Janis: said as if you'd know Janis: doormat's easier to maintain, right Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: Yep Janis: thought so Grace: You think about me too much babes Grace: it's getting lowkey weird Janis: these convos might set your world alight but remember that big word I taught you Janis: yeah, that Grace: 👌 Janis: 👋 Grace: 🙌 Janis: forgetting you got no place to be? Grace: you've got somewhere, go Janis: I've told you, I'm not leaving Janis: very injured, like Grace: 💔 Grace: tragic tbh Janis: his thoughts exactly Grace: awks if they are Janis: only for you Grace: you too that he's figured you out that quick sweetie Janis: and you're sat there wasting your whole life? Janis: we knew you weren't the brightest but bless Grace: you're really seizing the day babes, how could I compete Janis: you couldn't Janis: maybe you'll win the genetic lottery in your next life Janis: be the best dungbeetle ever Grace: how #motivational Grace: love that Janis: it's too late to be optimistic about this life Janis: but I got faith in you there Grace: ILYSM obvs Janis: ew don't even pretend Janis: put me off, obvs Grace: obvs not Janis: 😂 you're precious Janis: if I knew all it'd take to get you to shut up was telling you about my exploits, I'd have started ages ago Grace: If you had any ages ago, sure Janis: oh babe Janis: really still going with that bit Janis: can't let it go, can you Grace: can't tell the truth, can you Janis: what would you know about that Janis: #fakeittilyoumakeit right babes? Grace: I mean, obvs don't tell him unless he's into that #duh Grace: some boys get lowkey weirder than you're being about it so Janis: again, what would you know Janis: no one's buying that for you Janis: can't have it both ways 💔 Janis: or either, if you're you 💔💔 Grace: I was once thank you Grace: that's how it works Janis: NO! 😱😱 Janis: you mean you didn't come out the womb so sexually empowered, colour me #shook Janis: it's so natural, you wear it so well Grace: IKR Janis: Oh God 😂 Grace: Ew don't give me a preview of your sex chat Janis: yeah, you would imitate bad porn Janis: you know boys mute that shit, yeah? Janis: as per, too fucking loud, Gracie Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: no one fucks with that fake shit Grace: thanks so much for your expert advice Janis: welcome, welcome Grace: obvs not Janis: all very obvs with you, obvs Grace: LOL Grace: fun chat babes Janis: as always Grace: g2g relearn all my bedroom techniques so like Janis: bit gross to do that with your pals Janis: can't say I'm surprised Janis: another porn-like trope Grace: literally so gross Janis: I said it first, darling Grace: 👏👏 Janis: have fun, ladies Grace: duh Janis: 🤢🤢🤢 Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: soz, they ain't my type, like Janis: shouldn't come as a surprise Grace: It doesn't Janis: 👍 Grace: 👌