#and the change can be like waking up to a new wallpaper in your room. not a bad one just a new one.

[florenceisfalling]

like idk. i miss seeing content from s.igne (though i respect gab wholeheartedly). i miss fanart from my favorite artists. i miss older eras of j.se at times (and yes, there were older eras, the way people pretended he Never Changed is just weird). i miss old anti designs. i miss the old fic trends. i miss having a very active fandom (though i am so happy to see the new arrivals) and i miss seeing him interact with fans the way he did on tumblr back in the day. i miss the way i used to interact with some of the blogs here before i decided to fuckin,,, wage holy war and make enemies out of them (joking, but i have seen sides to some of these people that i wish i could tear out of my memory). i miss feeling confident that i could trust the good intentions of people here and even the big man himself (not god. that makes sean sound like god. you know what i mean). i miss when some of you weren't so fucking bitter which is funny because i'm the bitterest bitch alive. idk. i don't think it's bad to miss any of these things because i'm not going to be an ass and act like it's anybody's fault. i'm not going to be bothered by gab for being happy because i'm glad she is happy, and i'm not going to get bothered by sean taking a reasonable step back from this hellsite when people were cruel to him, and i'm not going to get mad at trends for changing because that is how time works. but i do miss things and i know its cringe and parasocial and perhaps even problematic but i hate having to pretend like i never have Any feelings about the past lest i break a hypothetical rule of what is the Normal level of attachment to an online community. okay. i think i'm done now.

#one of my favorite writers left because they couldn't deal anymore and one of my favorite writers turned out to have shit views and one of #my favorite writers left because of something that was partly my fault and one of my favorite writers stopped writing because of two of the #others and one of my favorite writers hurt someone i love over and over and over and one of my favorite writers left because they were the #someone i love. two of the big names hate queer folk that don't align with their ideals and half the artists left for twitter or for dead. #the man himself left because criticism always becomes cruelty and people lie to make themselves feel good. #the editors all turned their accounts private and my favorite told me on livestream that i was good and starting somewhere but then forgot #my name. and i thought maybe i was the bitter one but then i look at some of the other people who have been here so long and wonder why #they even bother anymore because they care more about complaining with everything j.ack does than anyone who actually enjoys his stuff. #and you know i poked fun at *** for a lot of things. some deserved some not. and one of them was the fact that she compared fandom #to warfare. and yes that's still silly i don't think it's a fair comparison but i do know that she wasn't fully wrong. #when you've been here for a long time and ive Been here for a long time you start to get really used to names and faces #and the change can be like waking up to a new wallpaper in your room. not a bad one just a new one. #i don't want to pretend that this fandom is just a silly little hobby for me when lets be honest i know some of yalls personal lives a #little too dearly for that. ive loved people here ive lost people here the first person who showed me this place fucking DIED and i still #lose it sometimes over the fact that he would have loved jameson so much and we couldve been closer friends had he stayed alive a few more #years. so yeah. sorry for being fucking cringy or whatever but there have been times where i've felt like im on a sinking ship watching #everybody else row away and i refuse to go. so like. cool. cool. im glad things are good again but i never really got to process the bad #things.

[kenananamin]

Nanami as a girl dad

Nanami is a girl dad, I will not argue or fight on this but if you think he's not... i got news for you ANYWAYS these are my Nanami headcanons as the best husband and dad and what he would do as a girl dad during pregnancy, birth, and actually raising the baby

takes a personal day off work to take you to your doctor's appointments then takes you to brunch and a movie. will hold your hand the whole time

fought HR/managers/supervisors/ANYONE for as much paternity leave as he could get

asked if he could work from home bc he doesn't want to miss a single moment of your pregnancy or newborn baby

sits on the floor to talk to his baby girl and holds your tummy saying that he's holding her hand

made 20 copies of the sonogram picture and kept them all. there's a copy in his wallet, behind his phone case, in the glove compartment, and in every suit jacket pocket close to his heart. he likes to brag about his girls (you and baby)

comes back from the store with more diapers and wipes bc "we need to be prepared"

bookmarks blog posts talking about how to bond with your baby

reads every book he can and asks the doctor more questions than any other dad who comes into the office

will ask anyone he trusts for advice, but gets defensive when someone tells him to do something differently

takes naps with his head on your lap and his lips touching your belly

has two hospital bags ready in the closet but has an emergency one in the trunk... just in case

does not sleep the whole time you're in labor even when the nurses tell him to "rest before the baby gets here"... that gets him more excited and doesn't let him sleep

tells you to dig your nails into his arm if you need to when you start pushing. kisses your entire face when the baby starts to cry and rushes to the nurse holding her to ask if they could stamp the baby's feet on his shirt/gown before cleaning her (a/n: my dad did this with me and it is the cutest thing ever. we still have the gown with the tiny feet stamped on there)

carefully takes off the shirt/gown and immediately wants to do skin-to-skin contact after you hold the baby first

follows baby to the hospital nursery and takes pictures of sleeping baby to change his wallpaper

changes wallpaper every two days bc "she did something cute" or "sticking her tongue out" or "giving me the stink eye"

loves waking up with her at night bc besides letting you rest... it's daddy-daughter time so don't interrupt

demonstrates what tummy time is while she lays on her baby bouncer (you laugh bc it's ridiculous and she's only a couple weeks old)

buys scrapbook and disposable cameras to start an album (the first of a hundred probably)

buys special clips for crib blankets to be tight and immovable around mattress bc he kept reading about possible suffocation

either way, does not like for her to sleep in her own room so he buys an extra baby moses to put in your room

has an extra diaper bag in his car bc he likes impromptu trips to let mommy rest

sulking when he has to go back to work

finds remote job within the next month

sits baby down on his lap while be works and she plays with her toy

throws an intimate 1st bday party first then a second one the next weekend to invite anyone he's ever talked to and brag about his family

literally kicks his feet and giggles with his daughter then stands up to be the most intimidating man to anyone else

tears of joy when you're pregnant again and sobs when they say it's a girl

carries his girls with him everywhere he goes

is proud that he's raising strong women who will learn how to fight for themselves. keeps reminding himself that he's raising the next generation and that fuels a fire deep inside him

let's the girls play with his hair and put all the clips they can find around the house on his head

lets his fingers and toes be horribly painted while he reads the newspaper and leaves the house with those nails

gets teary eyed on the first day of school and waits outside the school the whole day for a week (paid time off used)

can only do simple pony tails and braids but loves waking the girls up, sitting them on his lap and doing their hair while you get them dressed

making cute lunches for the girls with you is one of his favorite parts of the day

likes dressing the girls alike or the same and has a strange obsession with buying them overalls

loves playing barbie with them and lowkey has a favorite barbie

goes toy shopping behind mommy's back and tells the girls that this is the only secret that they can ever ever keep

randomly brings back flowers for every single one of his girls

takes his girls (you and daughters) on group and individual dates

makes the girls sign a contract written in crayon stating they "will love daddy forever"... frames it and puts it in his office

cries tears of joy AGAIN when you're pregnant with another girl... and looks for a bigger house

rips off door side where he was marking the girl's height and puts it in the new house. he did not believe in marking/tracing it on another thin piece of wood and said he wanted the original

takes everyone out for dessert every Friday and checks in on each kid to see how they're feeling and if they're ok

never misses a single game, recital, rehearsal, practice, ANYTHING

takes his daughters to their first self-defense class

does not believe in violence and does not condone it... but will first ask the girls if they won the fight (strongly insinuates that he will be disappointed if someone kicks their ass)

corrects the girls when needed and has a special look to tell them to stop messing around

later goes to apologize if he ever uses the look

will ask the girls for a sleepover and will throw every blanket on the floor to make one huge bed

tells the girls to follow him as he does repairs around the house or on the car bc they "need to know how it all works and how to deal with it"

is shocked when you're pregnant again (even though he likes to do a certain something that leads to babies) but is REALLY SHOCKED when it's a boy this time

reminds the girls that they have to be nice and helpful with their brother

starts all the reading and bookmarking all over again, but his time on how to raise a gentleman

raises the best little dude and let's the girls show him everything he has shown them so far

okaaaay okay i know i said he's a girl dad and a girl dad only buuuuut Nanami would raise the best little gentleman ever. AND IMAGINE A MINI NANAMI?!! ... but he's still a girl dad first and foremost

extras:

would absolutely praise his wife and randomly thank her for giving him a family

will wear a disguise and follow daughters to first date

refuses to parentify any of his kids and wants to let them be kids

constantly reminds them that they only get to be kids for a short amount of time then they have to be adults for the rest of their lives. so be silly

is always down for a quiet drive if anyone needs to clear their head

dreads the day when he will no longer he able to carry his kids on his shoulders

has already made mental plans for every possible situation the kids may create, even the absolutely crazy ones his brain has imagined

is very open w the girls and talks about safety in intimacy

leaves cute notes during bad or iffy days and writes motivational quotes on their mirrors with dry-erase markers

loves when you say he's a dilf

tries to talk to them about the stock market

passes his budgeting king crown to the kids

feels super cool when his kids brag to their friends about him, even puffs his chest a little bit

#nanami kento #jjk nanami #jjk nanami kento #nanami #nanami x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen nanami #jujutsu kaisen nanami kento #jujutsu nanami #kento nanami #jjk nanami x reader #jjk nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x fem!reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fluff #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen fluff #nanami kento fluff #nanami fluff #nanami jjk #nanamin #jjk nanami kento x fem!reader #nanami x fem!reader #nanami x you #nanami x y/n #jjk x reader #nanamin fluff #nanami kento headcanons #nanami headcanons

[ssahotchnerr]

Can I request a fic based on these thought ❤️Aaron would 100% be the kind of dad that would spend all night building a barbie house or dolls house and would also very willingly sit and play barbie’s with his daughters.

well worth it

YOU'RE SO RIGHT THAT'S TOO CUTE cw; girl dad!aaron, bau!fem!reader, fluff <3

growing impatient and nearly beginning to doze off without him, you exited your bedroom in search of aaron. you've waited all day to be cozied up with him, and you simply couldn't wait any longer.

you've been comfortably waiting for over an hour; having gone through your full night routine, getting into bed, reading a few chapters of your current read. aaron even came in to change into his pajamas at one point, but trailed out again.

"hey you," you peeked your head into the living room, finding aaron laying stomach-down on the plush carpet. "you coming to bed? it's getting late."

"in a minute." aaron mumbled gently in response, his voice vaguely muffled into whatever it was he had in front of him. "as soon as i finish up here."

you ventured further into the room in curiosity, the closer proximity allowing you to see your daughter's new dollhouse set before him.

your nose crinkled lightly in amusement, a small smile forming on your face. and as if aaron could sense it - he peered up at you, a matching smile on his own lips as he saw your tickled expression, his brown eyes aglow.

"i promised i would have it ready in the morning." aaron admitted with a soft chuckle as he sat up, you scrambling down on the carpet to join him. "it's done, there's just so many damn stickers that have to be in certain spots." he grabbed the instruction pamphlet, studying it for a moment. "wallpaper for every room, that was a pain. things like a bath rug for the bathroom. even some go on the furniture - they're tiny, tiny stickers..."

as he trailed on and on, listing all the details, you fell quiet the more you followed along to his words, your eyes analyzing his face in slight astonishment.

"what?" aaron laughed breathlessly again, his eyebrows furrowing quizzically as he tossed the pamphlet aside, the paper creating a fluttering sound as it fell. he grasped onto the sticker sheet once more, his lips drawing into a frustrated line as he struggled to peel one off - his large hands all to blame.

"it still surprises me out of nowhere sometimes, despite how much time has passed." you shook your head slightly in content, swiping the sheet from his hands. you easily removed the sticker, handing it to him. "you're listing off the necessities for a dollhouse. for our daughter. there was a time where the most i heard you talk was while giving a profile, and just, here we are now. i dunno, does that make sense?"

"completely." aaron agreed as his smile retook form on his face, placing the sticker where it belonged. "happens to me every day. how lucky i am to have you. never thought i'd be dad to another, yet alone a girl dad at that."

"it suits you." you grinned, leaning over to press a quick kiss to his cheek. "want some help? anything to get you to bed sooner."

aaron looked at the instructions again, a soft hum leaving his mouth as he thought. "again, it's pretty much finished foundation wise. but if you wanna start setting the furniture inside, be my guest darling."

side by side, the two of you worked together, rather giddily at that. quiet quips, playful comments how your own home could use these and whatnot (aaron groaned at your suggestion of wallpaper). warm but soft laughter, to prevent waking up jack and your little girl. you continued to help aaron peel the stickers as needed, and he, the notorious stickler, double checked you were putting items in the correct places 'according to the instructions'. you both knew once your daughter had her hands on her dollhouse, would nothing remain where it belonged, but that didn't stop him from teasing you; "did you put it in the-" "aaron, yes!"

finally, once in bed with aaron at your backside this time, one of his arms draped securely around your waist, you fell asleep with the heartwarming thought that your daughter's very first request in the morning - after her initial excitement - would be for aaron to play dolls with her. and of course, would he comply (just for a bit, and as long as she finished breakfast first). five minutes would surely turn into ten, fifteen, twenty depending on how early she awoke.

such brought up the potential risk of aaron being late to work, but if it allowed just a few more smiles to come from baby girl, it was well worth it.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x you #criminal minds drabble #aaron hotchner drabble #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #hotch imagine #criminal minds x fem!reader

[starks-hero]

what a lovely inconvenience

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Reader

Summary: Sherlock Holmes pushes your buttons like no one else. So when a case leaves you stranded in a hotel room with only one bed you worry that Scotland Yard might have a new murder case on their hands.

Word Count: 1.0k

authors note: Writing a different dynamic between Sherlock and the Reader for a change to acknowledge the fact that irl I wouldn't be able to spend more than ten minutes with him before attempting murder.

“Would you please just go to sleep.”

“If you quit taking up half of the bloody mattress maybe I would,” you bit back, pulling at the covers defiantly.

It wasn't often Sherlock left London for a case but when he did he rarely went alone. And given how you were currently sharing a bed with said detective in an oh-so-unflattering hotel in rural Scotland it would seem apparent that you were the unfortunate soul he'd chosen as a sidekick for this particular outing.

The hotel was dull, exceedingly so. The wallpaper seemed ancient, peeling away at the corners and the aged furniture was placed in such a way that it swallowed up the dismal amount of space the room already offered. The entire setup was worsened further by the hotel's location; unpleasantly sandwiched between a bar and a flat complex whose tenants were... vocal, to say the least.

Not to mention the fact that Sherlock wouldn't. stop. moving.

He pulled the cover back harshly, leaving you defenseless against the cold. “Bold words coming from the one that hasn't gifted me with so much as an inch of blanket. Not to mention you've hogged all the pillows.”

“Hogged all the–” you swiveled to face him. “How many pillows do you need?”

“Another one.”

You blinked twice, already calculating how long you'd spend behind bars if you resorted to murder. “Why? Can't fit your ego on the one you've already got?”

At that, Sherlock turned so you were face to face. His glower contended with your own.

“If you must know I need another to block out the sound of your insufferable talking.”

“I can't deal with this.” You tossed back the covers, begrudgingly snatching up a pillow and thin bed sheet, and strode across the room. Sherlock watched as you sprawled out on the sofa, sinking so far into the poorly made furniture it was almost comedic.

There was a beat of quiet. Then another.

“If you're waiting for me to apologize or rush to trade places you'll be waiting all night.”

"I'm sure I'll survive.” you quipped bitterly.

Sherlock, as he'd promised, didn't argue. He grabbed the spare pillow somewhat victoriously, bundled the covers around him, and turned on his side.

Meanwhile, you were already struggling not to admit defeat. Metal springs dug into your back in three separate places, the fabric caused your skin to itch and it was beyond freezing without the bed cover. You would never have described yourself as a particularly proud person, you could admit when you were wrong. But when it came to Sherlock, you'd rather stay on the couch.

Time crawled by agonizingly slow. The red italic numbers of the alarm clock across the room shone through the dark almost mockingly. You'd given up on sleep, the moment the first light of morning seeped through the poorly hung curtains you were out of there. You'd take sitting in the dingey hotel reception alone and tired over watching Sherlock waking up satisfied with his extra cushions and soft mattress as his spoils of war.

“You look ridiculously uncomfortable,” the detective's voice cut through the quiet of the room.

You pulled your excuse of a blanket over your head. “I'm fine.”

You heard Sherlock sigh, followed by the shifting of the mattress. “I can see you trembling from here.”

“I'm sure I'll soldier on through.”

“If it was a point you were trying to get across then consider it made. Now, will you please just get over here and get some sleep before the sun comes up.”

At the offer, you reemerged from your makeshift cocoon like an easily bribed butterfly. “Relax Holmes, if you wanted me in bed that bad you should have just said so.” You spoke the words into your pillow, slurred from exhaustion and dripping with sarcasm.

Regardless, Sherlock was thankful of how well the darkened room hid his blush. He cleared his throat and turned back on his side. He'd been doing an admirable job at keeping whatever it was he felt about you to himself and he wasn't about to undergo the embarrassment of having you find out simply because he spent more than twelve hours in your vicinity.

Briefly noting to never be the bigger person again, Sherlock closed his eyes and prepared to leave you to your self-inflicted misery. Then he heard feet padding across the floor.

The covers pulled back and the mattress dipped as you silently joined him. You stretched out and sighed in relief when the mattress pressed softly against your aching muscles rather than biting into your back. You pulled experimentally at the covers and Sherlock let you gain an inch. But only that.

“Was that so hard?” He asked.

“Extremely.”

Turning over as quietly as he could, Sherlock noted how your back was to him, how the plane of spare mattress between you was so wide you could easily fit another couple there. How you almost hung from the side of the bed. Sherlock wouldn't have called what he felt in that moment guilt, but it was very similar.

“You know, if it truly makes you uncomfortable I can sleep on the sofa for the night.” His offer was genuine and he hoped you picked up on it.

There was a long moment of quiet, Sherlock giving in to the fact that you'd probably fallen into sleep the moment your head hit the pillow.

“I was kidding, you know.” Your voice came as a surprise. “It's more of a hindrance than anything, sharing a bed with someone that kicks in their sleep."

Sherlock smiled in the dark. “Not as much a hindrance as sharing one with a degenerate blanket stealer.”

There was an unfamiliar tone to his voice, one that, had you not been two blinks from sleep, you would have mistaken for humourous.

“You know, you're kind of endearing when you're sleep deprived,” you thought, too tired to have realized you'd said the words aloud.

“Funny,” Sherlock watched as you turned on your side and rolled towards the middle of the bed. Your nose twitched adorably and with the security the dark offered, Sherlock let himself smile over it. “I was just about to say the same thing to you.”

He was certain you were gone now, chest falling rhythmically and lips parting to make way for quiet snores. He didn't blame you, your alarm had woken you early this morning.

You didn't know he'd noticed, of course, just as you didn't know how he noticed many little things about you. Not things of importance, nothing essential he would have to file away in his mind palace. Just simple everyday things that were unmistakably you. Things he recalled not because he needed to but because he wanted to.

There was something about you, Sherlock simply couldn't shake it. But that was a dilemma he needed at least a good night's rest to solve.

He closed his eyes, not so much as complaining when you stole the covers in your sleep.

thank you for reading!

Sherlock tag list: @miraclesoflove @ilovefanfictions @mylovelysnowflake @quentawewe @bakerstreethound @andreasworlsboring101 @doozywoozy @xxinvisiblexx @the-worst-critic @the-queer-dungeoneer @jellyfishbeansontoast @starrykitn @starryeddie @ladymercury8 @themorningsunshine @evelynrosestuff @mywellspringoflife @simp-for-scammanders @Xhz17x @allieberries @kealohilani-tepise

#*gasps* there was only one bed #clichè but ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ #also two fics in one night? who do I think I am? #sherlock x reader #sherlock holmes x reader #bbc sherlock x reader #sherlock x you #bbc sherlock imagine #sherlock imagine #sherlock holmes x you #bbc sherlock

[paperbackribs]

werewolf steve, werebat eddie (ch3)

🐺🛌🦇🥺

It’s the quiet conviction that he’s in the wrong bed that wakes Eddie the next morning. The mattress too soft, the pillow too thick, and the boy next to him is an unwavering, giant red flag too. He sighs, hand under his cheek and contemplates the sleep-creased face of Steve Harrington next to little old Eddie Munson.

And he thought turning into a bat was going to be the only weird part of this weekend.

Steve snuffles, twitching his nose before falling back into a steady breathing rhythm again. And Eddie would like to deny how cute it is, would like to refuse to see how handsome Steve is, and would very much like to pinch the thin river of greed winding through him that would like the chance to have a fun, kind guy too. Someone who stirs Eddie, makes him laugh. But that’s not his fate in this lifetime.

He turns onto his back, staring directly above at the bubble pattern of the ceiling and determinedly focusing on more important matters.

Like the fact that he’s a bat now.

Apparently.

Rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, he wonders what the hell to do with that knowledge. It’s not going to get him anywhere; there’s no big corporation that wants to hire bat services. Last he heard, the ability to squeak wasn’t going to land him a record deal. Eddie huffs out a laugh, maybe he can get into acting. Take this gig out on the road.

No, just like having to watch a girl be brutally murdered in front of him and only barely scraping past that hack job Hawkins PD called an investigation, Eddie is going to have to take his lumps and keep moving.

He peers at the awful plaid wallpaper of the bedroom. Unsurprised by the banality of it, the hint of wasted money on lack of taste, but he is surprised by the pleasant abundance of greenery across the whole space. Potted plants crowd every available surface, some with trailing vines flowing over containers hanging from the ceiling. Even with the window closed, the room smells fresh, a clean sweetness to the air that matches the shiningly healthy and obviously well-cared for leaves, flowers and, he peers closer, herbs.

He wonders whether Steve dug these out of the woods with his big furry paws or if he’d bought them at the local nursery. Looking at the array of sizes and colourful patterns on the clay pots he figures that Steve shelled out a decent amount of money for his botanical set-up.

It twinges something in Eddie. Steve, just as taken in by the Upside Down, doomed to forever be a half-man and half-beast too, but sleeping peacefully within an oasis of his creation, sheltered by the tall walls of the Harrington home, with friends who love him, who don’t care about the monster within.

It feels unfair.

Because what is Eddie now? A monster? Maybe. A creature? Definitely. This new change in his life won’t make it any better, it won’t give him any advantages. It’s just one more thing he’s going to have to hide. To squirrel away like a tender thing lest the soft belly of it be exposed to the type of people who would hurt him.

Hurt, he knows, comes in many different forms. From a father believing your best value is in using small hands to boost a car, in the indifference of a mother leaving you on your uncle’s doorstep, on your best friend pushing you to the floor when you try to kiss him.

He looks over at the effortlessly handsome features of Steve, at his expensive and beautiful room, and thinks that whatever risk Steve carries, it is nothing like the one Eddie would be exposed to if his new secret got out.

He spots a familiar animal on the cover of a book on the bedside table. Curiously, he picks it up, flicking his eyes over the types of bats in the world, their characteristics, advice on care, and other little random facts.

Steve stirs, smacking his lips his eyelashes flutter before his gaze opens to land on Eddie bent over the book. He’s under the blanket that Eddie lays over; his bat version must have crawled out of the hoodie at some point but remained on top of the bed. Last night had been a blur and he doesn’t remember much except panic followed by Steve’s warm hands.

“Hey,” Steve smiles sleepily, “You came back to us.”

Eddie grunts, “Yeah, not sure exactly how that happened, but small blessings and all that.” He scans the feeding behaviour header, noting that blood is indeed amongst fruit, insects, and nectar as their preferred diet. Pausing, he tastes his mouth like it’ll suddenly reveal an obvious craving for bloody flesh. Meeting only morning breath, he grimaces and continues reading.

Finally realising that Steve has been silent for an unusually long pause, he glances over only to be startled by the intent look in his eye as he regards Eddie. “Are you okay?” He asks quietly and Eddie bristles at the concern, resentment stirring that Steve gets to be the kind one. The guy who cares despite being similarly afflicted. Why can’t he be just as resentful and mean as Eddie?

“Well, it’s not a giant dog, but I suppose you should welcome me to the club.”

Steve purses his lips thoughtfully, “I’ll ignore the canine dig for now since I know you’re going through something. But I get it, you know? If you can talk to anyone about being suddenly faced with the oddity of waking up in a body that no longer feels like your own, it’s me.”

Eddie rolls his eyes down at the book, “Our life experiences are vastly different, Steve. I don’t think you could get where I’m coming from if you tried.”

“Maybe not all of it,” Steve admits carefully, sitting up so he and Eddie are on the same level, “But I can try. And it’s got to be better than holding it in. You’re a pretty verbal guy, Eddie. I figure’d you’d want to talk about this.”

“What’s that mean?” Eddie glares at him and Steve raises his palms, saying, “Just that you seem to like talking your thoughts out, and that I’m here, willing to listen if you want to get anything off your chest.”

“Yeah, well, you can keep that hairy chest to yourself,” Eddie mutters darkly, looking at a bat’s mouth held open, exposing sharp fangs from front to back like a deadly, serrated knife. He presses his tongue against his molars thoughtfully; he doesn’t remember there being a lot of sharp tools in his mouth.

“Right,” Steve huffs out a frustrated breath, “You’re obviously in a mood. But fair, you’re allowed to take a beat until you get your feet under you.”

“I’m allowed,” Eddie mocks under his breath.

Steve cocks his head, “Yeah, you’re allowed. Just like I was allowed to take a beat too, once I figured out that turning into a wolf wasn’t a hallucination or a mental breakdown.” Eddie ignores him and Steve says with frustration, “What’s your problem?”

As he does, Eddie’s eyes catch on a fun fact section, and he can’t help the grim laughter that escapes. Of course. Of fucking course. He hears the mounting irritation in Steve’s voice as he calls his name again and latches on to it, happy to smack back. “Did you know, Steve,” Eddie starts, meanness fuelling his smirk, only he has a feeling that the petty feeling is directed inwards. “That bats have the highest rate of homosexuality out of any mammal?”

Steve watches him warily, “Are you saying that the shift turned you gay? ‘Cause I’m not sure it works like that,” his lips tug up cautiously, “It didn’t for me, anyway.”

Eddie sees the invitation to share the joke in Steve’s expression and it fuels the bitterness, “Yeah, well, you being a straight dog isn’t going to surprise anyone.”

Invitation dropping accompanied by eyes narrowing, Steve says, “That’s fucking condescending.” Eddie sees the insult across his face and rolls his eyes, conviction spreading that Steve has never had to think about how he presents to the world for one fucking minute before being afflicted with their shared infection.

“All I’m saying is that the wolf stuff may have made you a bit weird, but you were never gay-boy-in-Hawkins weird to begin with. Let alone the shitty kid from the shitty family with parents who don’t give a fuck.”

Steve’s eyes harden and he sucks his breath between his teeth consideringly, “I’m not sure whether I should share with you how wrong you are or simply tell you to fuck off.”

Eddie stares back just as hard, “You can’t tell me that you were ever the weird guy, Mr Popular Jock. What? Did you get ostracised from the team when you wore the wrong lucky jock strap?”

Rolling his lips, Steve nods his head decisively, “Yeah, you know what? I am going to tell you to fuck off.” Any hint of warmth in his expression shutters away and Eddie blinks, not having realised how open Steve had been with him even while they bickered. Steve continues, voice flat and unfriendly, “You know what your problem is, Eddie?”

“What?” He tries to sneer but the feeling of being wrong-footed continues and it lands with less force than he wants.

“You think you’ve got everyone worked out,” Steve trails his eyes over Eddie's face leaving his skin feeling flushed and burning, “What was it you said in the Upside Down? The Munson Doctrine? I was barely enough for you to approve of even then, right?”

The ground beneath Eddie’s feet shudders slightly, shaking his gut into an uneasy feeling but Steve doesn’t notice his suddenly shaky equilibrium as he bitingly continues, “I suppose I only met the bare minimum when you said that I was a good guy: I wasn’t a massive asshole that would allow you to take the rap for Chrissy’s murder or, I don’t know,” he laughs with very little humour, “Let Max be killed by Vecna? So that must mean I was scarcely half decent, right?”

Eddie frowns: he had meant what he said in the Upside Down — he’d seen Steve care for the party, chase after Max and make sure the kids were safe. He’d been a steady port in the storm who Eddie had looked to more than once while feeling unsafe and unsure, and Steve had always been looking back, with either a reassuring nod or a helpful explanation in the sort of plain speak necessary for a newbie to their wretched adventures.

Steve rolls out of bed and Eddie can’t even be mad that he might use his height to his advantage because he heads straight to the doorway, pausing with his hand steady on the frame. He shakes his head looking down, “I thought that you saw me. It didn’t have to be every part, but I thought that you at least saw that I’m trying to be a good person.”

He looks up and Eddie is pierced clean through by the hurt in his eyes, the walls falling briefly to allow this one sad glimpse, “But ever since I showed you who I really am, what I am, I’ve realised that your approval comes with conditions.”

“That’s not true,” Eddie protests, furiously thinking, but his gut sinks below his feet when he can’t work out a counterargument to the accusation.

The walls over Steve’s eyes swiftly build up again, leaving only a cold man in its wake. “You assuming how easy I’ve always had it tells me that you never cared enough to look below the surface anyway.” He regards Eddie for one last long second as if taking him in for the final time, and Eddie is unsure how to respond when the ground is rumbling so strongly under his feet.

Steve leaves.

Quietly and without looking back at Eddie. No fanfare in the movement as if he’s decided that he’s not worth the fight. He realises now that he’d expected Steve to push back, to argue for Eddie to do better, but—having left him behind—Eddie doesn’t know what to do other than to quietly take his book and leave.

No one sees him out.

If you enjoyed any of this, I hope you'll consider leaving a message over on Ao3 because you would make my day. :)

#scattering a wee bit of conflict on the grass for the chickadees #steddie #swift wings and a brave heart #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #werewolf steve harrington #bat eddie munson

[borathae]

"This is a little story about how Yoongi and Taehyung spend their days when the rest of the family isn't home."

Pairing: platonic Vampire!Taehyung x Vampire!Yoongi

Genre: Slice of Life, Fluff

Warnings: there are no warnings because this is nothing but sweet fluff and happiness, they go on a little ride with their horses, they're so important to me, hinted polyamory

Wordcount: 2.8k

a/n: i love them i love them i love them 😭 my two babies :( the header is ruining me btw, they're so pretty fandsfna

Yoongi is listening to music. It plays on his speaker and fills the room with its melodies. He already made a lot of progress with your witch office today. 

You, Jungkook and Hoseok are currently visiting Emma and Seokjin in Gordes for around two weeks, which meant that Yoongi finally had time to prepare his surprise for you. There is no reason for it, nor a special occasion, it is as simple as that Yoongi loves to make you happy. There is no better feeling in the world than knowing that he could make you happy. And because your witch business has been going so well lately, Yoongi decided that it is only fitting to surprise you with your very own witch office. Until recently, you made your potions in the main kitchen which often ended in stuff getting into your food and turning it inedible. Yoongi hopes that by surprising you with your very own kitchen, he can make it a lot easier for you. He can’t wait to get your reaction. He already started dreaming of it and feeling really giddy once he wakes up.

The room he chose for the surprise has been unused for decades. Yoongi already forgot its original purpose, but he liked that you had a window to look out of and beams to hang your flowers from. The floors were rotted and the wallpaper peeled off from age. Yoongi spent the first two days ripping everything out and then spent another five days replacing the floors and wallpaper. He went for a dark shade of your favourite colour and added wood panelling to bring it together. He also fixed the fireplace, making it so you could actually use it, and rewired the electricity so you wouldn’t die as you turned on a lamp. 

It is day eight today and Yoongi is currently busy with getting the kitchen working again, kneeling on the new floors, when a familiar scent hints his nose. 

He pokes his head out from under the sink, meeting Taehyung’s eyes. The latter seems to be back from a ride. Horse follows him with his normal scent and he is still dressed in old-fashioned riding clothes.

“You have made impressive progress”, Taehyung says, looking around the room, “I love the colours.”

“Thanks.”

Yoongi sticks his head back under the sink. 

Taehyung rounds the kitchen counter and sits down next to Yoongi. He pokes his arm, making Yoongi move his head again.

“What?”

“You are very cool, hyung.” 

“Thanks”, he says and looks back at the sink. He is almost done. 

“Do you want to come with me for another ride later? The weather is lovely today.”

“I don’t know yet. I still gotta rewire the stove.”

“I can help you with that.”

“No offense, but if you helped you’d kill her accidentally.”

Taehyung nudges Yoongi’s arm, “you are mean.”

“Sorry Tae. You can help me with the cabinets though. I’m sure you can paint them prettier than this.”

“Yes, indeed I can”, Taehyung giggles excitedly, “oh hyung, this makes me very happy. I shall change clothing and begin painting right away”, he says and stumbles to his feet, “will we go on a ride later?”

“Fine. I’ll ride with you.” 

One can call them old-fashioned or stuck in time, but the two vampires put great care into what clothing they wear for riding. Their petticoats and shirts are tailored, their vests hug their figures and their pants are perfectly ironed. They also make sure that their boots are polished and their leather gloves fitted. And while Taehyung goes for a colour pallet of whites and blues, Yoongi is dressed entirely in black. 

“Where shall we ride?” Taehyung asks, sitting proudly on his horse. 

“Where did you go?” Yoongi asks, sitting just as proudly. 

They pass their stable workers, greeting them with a nod of their heads. 

“I went west to the forests.” 

“Mhm. Wanna go east? For a change?”

There are hills waiting east. The grasses are tall and from the highest point, one has view of the town. 

“Yes, we could do that”, Taehyung says and gives his horse a gentle kick to increase its tempo. 

Yoongi follows next to Taehyung, looking left and right in case enemies showed up. It is a lingering habit from a more dangerous life. One he can’t seem to shake even now in times of peace. 

The two vampires put some distance between the stables and them, when Taehyung breaks the silence with a deep sigh.

Yoongi looks at him and the smile he sports.

“Isn’t the weather wonderful?”

“Mhm, it’s not bad.”

“Indeed it is nice. I think we made a lot of progress with the room today.”

“Yeah, I think so too. I can start with furnishing tomorrow.”

“Oh truly? I shall hurry up with painting then.”

“Mhm  I can help.” 

“That is very lovely of you, but truly I can manage.”

“Mhm. Okay.”

Taehyung looks at Yoongi, giving him a smile. One Yoongi retorts shyly.

“I think it is so romantic of you to surprise her. She is very lucky to have you.”

“No”, Yoongi shakes his head, “I’m lucky to have her. She makes me happy, so I wanna make her happier.”

“Well that is wonderful to hear. I can see that you make her very happy, hyung.” 

Yoongi flusters, rubbing his neck nervously.

“I try”, he murmurs, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. 

It isn’t long and the two vampires reach the top of the hill. They stay seated on their horses, looking at the town not far from here. The sun is hiding behind clouds today, which makes being outside comfortable with the two light-sensitive vampires. Despite the hiding sun, the day was still bright and the view of the town clear.

“This will never lose its beauty”, Taehyung says.

“Mhm, yeah”, Yoongi agrees.

Taehyung inhales the fresh air and sighs happily.

“May I help in decorating her office? I have ideas which she could really enjoy.”

“Yeah, you’re better at it anyways.”

“Thank you. I really enjoy interior design.”

“I know. You like it”, Yoongi says, unknowingly filling Taehyung’s heart with warmth. He knows him so well. 

Taehyung turns his horse so he was looking at Yoongi. He grins. Yoongi studies it.

“What?”

“What say you to a race, hyung?” 

“A race?”

“Yes, we shall race back to the stables and the winner gets one wish granted by the other person.”

“Alright, if you want to”, Yoongi says and turns his horse. He rolls his shoulders, tightening his grip on the reins, “I’m not easily beat though.”

“Neither am I”, Taehyung says and gets into position, “we will start after the count of-”

“Hya!” Yoongi doesn’t let him finish as he commands his horse into a fast gallop.

“Yoongi! You cheat!” Taehyung screams after him and tells his horse to run, “I wasn’t finished explaining the rules!”

“There are no rules! You’re just slow!” Yoongi calls back and runs faster. 

Taehyung furrows his brows. He is overtaken with playful competitiveness, speeding up with tears gathering in his eyes from the wind. He laughs as he does, feeling incredibly light in his heart.

“You are a total cheat, hyung!”

He passes Yoongi very soon, laughing and cheering loudly because the stables were too close to allow Yoongi to catch up.

“Yah, you brat!” Yoongi laughs, trying to catch up but it is too late. Taehyung races past the stables, slowing down his horse in front of them.

“I won!” he cheers, throwing his hands in the air in celebration.

Yoongi doesn’t slow down. Yoongi gallops past him.

“The last to get to the forests loses!” he calls out. 

“You are playing unfair games!” Taehyung complains and rides off. 

Yoongi has already put significant distance between them and he needs to catch up. 

“You are so unfair, hyung!” Taehyung laughs, meeting laughter as Yoongi’s answer.

It has been decades since the two vampires raced each other. It was the beginning of the 1850s and Namjoon hadn’t shown himself in almost seven years. Life at the estate was quiet. Yoongi hid in his wing for most of the time, while Jimin and Taehyung tried to learn how to function normally. One day, Yoongi took them out for a ride and he raced them until the horses were happily tired and the two recovering vampires had forgotten all about the past decades with Namjoon. At this time, Yoongi didn’t really know about what Namjoon put them through, let alone that he still regularly finds them to inflict more pain, so asking them for a race was merely out of his own desire. 

Back then, the vampires didn’t show that they enjoyed it. No laughter was shared, the conversations were dry and their faces stoic. Their emotionless hearts didn’t really feel the need to show that they enjoyed the time with each other. But one must know that if emotionless vampires spend time together even without their emotions, it was a very obvious sign that they enjoyed each other’s company.

Today it was obvious that they liked the time spend together. Today, Taehyung feels vast of air when he sees the utter happiness on Yoongi’s features as the older vampire looks over his shoulder. His black hair is tousled from the wind, his pale cheeks are flushed pink and his dark brown eyes are crinkled in laughter. They are spilling tears as well because of the wind.

“You’re slow”, he teases and looks back to the front. 

In this moment, Taehyung doesn’t even care that he is slow and that he will most definitely lose. He saw Yoongi’s honest smile and can still hear him laugh like an excited boy at the candy shop. He sounds unlike the Yoongi he knows and yet he never sounded more like himself. 

“You are such a cheater, hyung! I would have won”, Taehyung calls out and squeaks in laughter. Riding a horse has never felt more freeing before. 

Yoongi wins as expected, celebrating his win by jumping off his horse and doing a little dance. 

Taehyung joins him soon, placing his horse next to Yoongi’s and jumping off. 

He runs to Yoongi and connects his palm with Yoongi’s arm. Yoongi stumbles back, teasing him by humming a victorious melody.

“You cheater. I won back at the stables”, Taehyung whines.

“Yeah and then I won right now”, Yoongi teases and does a little butt wiggle, “I won, I won, I won.”

Taehyung should be mad at him for cheating. He should whine about it more, but he can’t find it in himself to do so. 

Yoongi looks so happy. So carefree. And it doesn’t feel awkward between them. 

Taehyung feels overwhelmed in happiness. He closes the distance between them and takes Yoongi into a hug.

“Tae, come on”, Yoongi tenses up instantly. His butt wiggles stop, but a deep chuckle rumbling in his chest lets Taehyung know that he is still feeling good.

“My wish is to give you a hug”, Taehyung murmurs and nuzzles his face into the crook of Yoongi’s neck.

“Yeah? My wish is to not get hugged. Tae come on, you know how this makes me feel”, Yoongi complains and tries to push at Taehyung’s chest. 

“But I love you, hyung. Do you not love me?” 

“Course I do. Just”, Yoongi wiggles, “let go of me.”

Taehyung releases him from his hug. Yoongi fixes his coat and meets his eyes.

“Yah, come here you rascal”, he says and attacks Taehyung with a gentle head lock.

“Hey. Ah! Release me”, Taehyung squeaks in laughter, fighting him gently. 

Taehyung can’t remember if he ever play fought with Yoongi. He is quite sure that he didn’t. He watched Jungkook and Seokjin play fight each other on many occasions. He also knows that when Jimin feels playful he likes to pretend to practice boxing on his arm. And Jungkook regularly has his moments where he playfully slaps people’s butts. But he never had a playfight with Yoongi. This is new and it’s making him squeak in laughter while Yoongi laughs just a squeakily. 

The play fight ends with Taehyung attacking Yoongi with a hug and the Creator whining loudly. 

“I won”, Taehyung says, releasing him.

“I let you win”, Yoongi says and drops onto the ground. He stretches out his legs, resting back against a tree, “I’m stronger than you.”

“Yes you are”, Taehyung says and sits down next to Yoongi, “does this mean that I have another wish free?”

Yoongi chuckles, “I never agreed on that.”

“I think I have another wish free.”

“You’re a brat”, Yoongi says fondly.

“Mhm indeed”, Taehyung relaxes with a smile, “I shall voice my wish later.”

“Fine. If you want to.”

The two vampires can look out at the endless grounds this way. The meadows, the forests, the lakes and the various flower gardens. They see the estate in the distance and the hills even further away. 

“You seem carefree today”, Taehyung says.

“I feel carefree. I don’t gotta worry about life fucking me up again.”

“Yes, I agree it is rather healing to think that we live in peace these days.”

“I still don’t think it’s real. Sometimes I wonder if I’m still stuck in Namjoon’s curse and all the good things happening lately are just my brain making up stuff to escape the pain.”

Taehyung reaches over and pinches Yoongi’s upper inner arm.

“Ah”, he flinches away, touching the spot instantly, “what the fuck? That hurt. Why did you do that?”

“Now you know that this is real.”

“I just said that sometimes I wonder, not that I actually think it isn’t real.”

“No, I understood you, but we had to make sure.”

Yoongi snorts in amusement, clicking his tongue.

“Brat.”

Taehyung chuckles, relaxing happily. He follows a breeze of wind as it dances through the grasses and trees. 

“I think about these possibilities as well”, he confesses after some time of tranquility passed.

“You do?”

He nods his head, “I do. I sometimes wonder if my current perfect life is just another cruel mind trick of Namjoon. There were many occasions where he made me see wonderful things only to pull me back to torture again when the fantasy felt the most healing. The pain he inflicted afterwards always felt especially unbearable”, he says and touches his own hands as if to wipe the memory from his nerves, “I am scared that sometimes all of this isn’t real and that one day, I will have to return to being tortured again.”

Yoongi reaches out for his hand and closes his fingers around it. The shakes, which had started to gradually overtake Taehyung’s hands, stop. Taehyung looks at their hands then into Yoongi’s reassuring eyes 

“It’s real. You know?” Yoongi says softly.

Taehyung takes a shaky breath. He nods his head. 

“I know”, he whispers and allows a small smile to brighten his features.

Yoongi retorts it and looks back at the endless meadows. He slips his hand from Taehyung’s to play with his own thumbs instead. Taehyung traces his own knuckles. Moments before, Yoongi’s thumb grazed them mindlessly. Taehyung still feels the touch. He blinks the emotion from his eyes and looks at the swaying grasses. Their horses are close by, getting their afternoon snacking in. Taehyung’s horse was brown in colour and was dressed in dark blue gear, while Yoongi’s horse had fur blacker than the darkest night and wore black leather gear. It fit the two vampires. 

“I like that you open up to me these days”, Yoongi says into the silence.

Taehyung shifts his eyes from their horses to study Yoongi’s side profile instead. His older friend’s lips were perfectly pouted and his nose perfectly sloped, so that he had a doll-like elegancy to him. Taehyung thought him beautiful as artists thought nature beautiful and photographer light. 

“I only feel comfortable doing so because you made it safe to talk to you”, Taehyung answers him, “yes, I am aware that I wasn’t a safe space for you either, but I am grateful that you decided to become one for me and Jimin. I hope we can be safe spaces for you as well.”

“Mhm, yeah”, Yoongi doesn’t say more, but Taehyung didn’t need more. Just from those two words, he knew that Yoongi was honest. He smiles.

“Look at us, hyung”, he says, nudging Yoongi’s upper arm softly.

“Mhm, look at us.”

“I really like you, hyung. You know?” 

“I know, Tae. Me too”, Yoongi says as his eyes still follow the wind in the meadows. A sense of serenity surrounded him. The kind of serenity which hasn’t followed him for long yet, but Taehyung knew it will only grow from now on. He felt tranquil as well.

“We are truly at peace, aren’t we?” he says as he stretches out his legs. 

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t wanna jinx it.” 

“You won’t. The world is at peace and life is good”, Taehyung nudges Yoongi’s arm again, “you truly kept your promise to her. You made the world a safer place.” 

Yoongi smiles, “yeah, I guess I did.”

The two vampires will sit under the trees until the wind carried the first smell of evening with it. It will be a time well spent with conversation which naturally morphed into them working on music together.

#yoongi fluff #taehyung fluff #taegi fluff #bts fluff #bangtan fluff #yoongi fanfic #taehyung fanfic #bts fanfic #bangtan fanfic #yoongi oneshot #taehyung oneshot #bts oneshot #bangtan oneshot #yoongi scenario #taehyung scenario #bts scenario #bangtan scenario #vampire!yoongi #vampire!taehyung #vampire!bts #vampire!bangtan #fanfic: sanguis duology

[minhyeong]

NCT DREAM + SIMPLE ACTS OF LOVE ! 

[ mark ]

mindlessly drums his fingers on your thighs 

is able to make you draw eight cards during UNO but doesn’t have the heart to do it, so he pretends he doesn’t have any card to put down and draws a card instead

wakes up early to make your favorite tea or coffee just the way you like it

traps you in his embrace on lazy mornings and refuses to let you get up

lets you pick the movie for movie nights

calls you first whenever he gets good news

listens to all your favorite songs because he wants to know everything about you

lovingly stares at you whenever you’re talking and becomes a blushing mess when you turn toward him

[ renjun ] 

blow dries and brushes your hair so gently that you always feel sleepy

takes early morning walks with you to chase the sunrise 

sits in comfortable silence with you and sometimes just bumps his feet against yours to get your attention

wants to accompany you to events whenever possible even if he’s not interested in them 

makes a cake from scratch for your birthday and spends all night trying to perfect it

always reminds you to bring an umbrella and jacket when it’s going to rain

writes you love letters because text messages are not the same

personally grows flowers for you instead of getting you bouquets because bouquets don’t last long enough

[ jeno ] 

insists on carrying all the groceries even if you offer to help and gives you his hand to hold instead

folds laundry with you 

is determined to finish every last crumb of the food you make for him even if he’s already full

slows down while biking just so you can catch up

pulls you closer by the hips or the belt loops of your pants

steals one of your baby photos and keeps it in his wallet

lets you lean on him when you’re having a bad day and rubs your back until you feel at ease again 

plants a quick kiss on the top of your head when you’re busy working at the desk

[ haechan ] 

gives all the goodbye kisses and neither of you can quite let go even if someone will be late

cradles your face in his palms when you’re cold

gives you the last cookie in the package 

takes silly selfies on your phone when you’re not looking and changes your wallpaper to a photo of him 

washes the dishes so you can rest

randomly compliments you and professes his love throughout the day 

never lets you go to sleep mad after an argument and will apologize first

lays his head on your lap when you’re watching a show and asks you about the plot 

[ jaemin ] 

tenderly puts bandaids on your injuries and then kisses it to make it better

buys matching plushies and gives you the other half

holds your wrist and traces all the lines and dips of your hand during conversations

gives you space and time alone whenever you need it but always makes sure you know he’s available 

sends you good morning and night text messages

winks at you from across the room just because 

tells you he can’t wait to grow old and wrinkly together

drowsily smiles as he maps out your features when you’re asleep next to him

[ chenle ] 

lets you hog all the blankets at night and sleeps in fetal position with his head buried in the crook of your neck

slow dances with you in the kitchen that ends up in giggle fits

will spend his entire bank account on the claw machines just to win you something

tells his friends and family about you as if you hung all the stars in the sky

takes you on spontaneous trips in the middle of the night to get ice cream 

knows your cafe order by heart

offers to fight anyone who messes with you 

holds his jacket above your head when it’s raining and no one remembered to bring an umbrella

[ jisung ]

excitedly tells you about a dream he had of you last night

surprises you by tickling your waist from behind and it becomes a tickle fight

brushes his teeth with you and continuously bumps into you playfully

tightly holds your hand in crowds so he won’t lose you

asks if there’s anything you want whenever he’s going out to buy something

visits animal shelters with you and talks about adopting a pet together

finds time to spend even twenty minutes with you when he’s busy because he truly, truly misses you

randomly hooks your ankles together under the table

#nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct dream scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #nct headcanons #mark scenarios #renjun scenarios #jeno scenarios #haechan scenarios #jaemin scenarios #chenle scenarios #jisung scenarios

[bbeboppp]

𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 | 𝘗𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘯 𝘕𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘬 | 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘐

𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗢𝗡𝗘 ; New Beginnings

𝘽𝙇𝙐𝙍𝘽 ; ┊ It's 1971, New York. Sherman Square, known informally as Needle Park. The seemingly never-ending cold winter coats the streets in biting frost as Bobby is released from prison. Swearing to not return to Helen or his addiction, Bobby finds himself looking for a new distraction. He gets a shitty job as a retail worker, living in a half-way house. It's at work on day in December he meets Y/N. Her taste in music is new, her clothes catch his attention and most importantly; they're in love. The story follows Y/N & Bobby's relationship as he keeps temptation to relapse at bay and figures from Bobby's past life cross paths once more. After all, what peace can you find in Needle Park?

⚠︎︎ ⚠︎︎ ⚠︎︎ Based on the film "The Panic in Needle Park" by Jerry Schatzberg, this is my personal take on what could've become, if the very last scene hadn't occurred. The films is an 16/18s and contains use of drugs, domestic violence, talk of drugs, heroin being shot up, etc. I don't want to glorify or romanticize this; personally I've never done drugs and don't intend to, I've seen people destroyed by them. This story is written as a sort of healing process for Bobby and won't contain any domestic violence. Drugs will be mentioned, but not graphically. :)

(NO SMUT, just a warm up. idek if I'll even get attention haha so may or may not be continued if I FLOP. I'll post this on ao3 once I get an account WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT TIL OCTOBER UGH)

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

❝And here I am, the Only Living Boy in New York.❞

quote from from "The Only Living Boy in New York" by Simon & Garfunkel.

✧

BOBBY'S POV:

December 4th, 1971. 10:01 AM

The gates opened, there stood Bobby with nothing but the clothes he wore and a bag with all the few possessions he had in this world. Nobody was waiting for him, the only faces he sees are the officer's as he passes by them and a couple strangers walking the streets, hunched slightly in their thick winter coats as they briskly journeyed down dull, dim grey pavements.

To his left were rows of fairly desolate buildings in disrepair being towered over by their neighbouring modern neighbours. The world hadn't seemed to develop much since he'd initially entered prison. Taking in a deep breath of the cold morning air, Bobby exhales as he walked. Being in the prison sometimes fucked with his perception of time, even though the longest sentence he'd even done was just under one year. Time will move on, with or without him, and New York was a busy city constantly changing and evolving.

✧  FIFTY-TWO MINUTES LATER  ✧

The door opened with a creak, a short man balding with a clipboard in hand entered first, Bobby shortly after. "Your keys." The man handed Bobby a set of copper keys, two. One for the front door, the other also for the front door but in case the first one was misplaced. A tiny flat with peeling wallpapers, a steel bed-frame and narrow window in an awkward place. Bobby couldn't guess with a gun to his head how old the room was. The furniture in it had probably never left, the walls never repainted from their initial colouring. The man was rambling on about the room. How you need to wake up before 10:00 AM if you want hot water & the café across the street opens at 08:00 AM. Bobby nodded along, taking a look around the room from where he stood. He didn't care much for scenery, sure he could enjoy well orientated & decorated homes, but he never felt the need to do any home improvements himself. Not being materialistic, as long as the mattress he slept on didn't break his back and the chairs didn't collapse under him he'd be fine.

Bobby thanked the man, taking the keys as he watched the man exit the room, shutting the door behind him. Silence fell upon the room, not like much dialogue was happening before. He huffed, walking over to the bed just a few feet away and dumping his bag down onto it. The mattress squeaked, and then again as Bobby sat down. He pulled his boots off, dropping them on the ground beside the bedframe. Taking out a pack of Embassy Gold cigarettes, selecting one and lighting it up. Sitting at the very end of his bed, Bobby watched the street below as he took drags of the stick between his lips, held occasionally by his lightly tobacco-stained fingers.

Down on the street, Bobby observed people walking by. A man dressed in all-gold, likely phoney yelling onto a phone as he crossed the street. A taxi, a red car, a black car passed. Two women with arms interlinked and bright red lipstick strutted down the path, being cat-called by construction workers on break with nothing better to do than pester. Bobby's eyes wandered up and down the street, and finally that little café his landlord had mentioned previously caught his attention. Tan bricks with a tea green awning, a dark-oak door and outdoor seating covered in raindrops thanks to New York's bleak weather. Nobody was sitting outside, and Bobby could see the outlines of bodies sitting down inside the café through the front windows. As he took another drag, Bobby paused after exhaling. The door opened, out stepped a waitress with a ridiculous green half-apron on, grey uniform-top & hair wrangled back. Her mouth moved, she was likely cursing the rain. In her apron's front pocket was a cloth which she took out, using it to wipe down the tables & seats affected by the rain. Bobby chuckled, her efforts were in vain; the furniture would be soaked again in a couple minutes.

His cigarette came to it's end, he placed it on the window-sill, making a note to get an ash-tray. Lighting another one, Bobby watched the waitress huff, returning to inside the café. He continued watching the people on the streets for another four minutes, then saw the very same waitress return out the front to wipe down the furniture again, which was just as wet as it had been prior to her drying it four minutes ago. He giggled (girly-pop moment), watching her expression; just as irked as she was moments before. Bobby has a feeling this wasn't her first time, and wouldn't be her last.

He put the second cigarette out, crushing the ashing end against the wooden window sill. Probably not a good idea, but he wasn't really a good-idea-haver. With almost half the day over, Bobby figured he'd ring the number advised to him by Chico to get a real job. "Easy pay, the manager's an ass but you're not gonna get any better Bobby." Bobby remembered those exact words being spoken to him on the phone during Chico's only visit to him in prison. He was surprised Chico came at all, and wondered if Chico would expect some sort of favour for giving out this information to Bobby.

Bobby lit another cigarette, absently gazing out of the window. Once his third cigarette was finished, he inhaled sharply through his teeth, deciding to get the call over with now rather than later.

✧ ONE HOUR & ONE PHONE CALL LATER  ✧

Paul's grocery read the sign above the small shop in a tacky font. Bobby pushed open the door, looking around the premises for a guy named Raul who he'd spoken to previously on the phone.

"Raul, it's only one letter away from Paul, why don't they rename the grocery Raul's grocery if Raul is the manager?"  Bobby thought, but this little monologue was interrupted by a hard slap on the back. Bobby jumped, turning to see who was greeting him so informally. Raul, a tanned man with something similar to a military haircut on his head & striped top with a nametag on it.

"Oh shit, oh fuck," Bobby thought, looking at the shirt Raul had on, "is that the uniform? That shit is so ugly."

"Your Bobby?" Raul had a jolly voice, and a plastic smile on his face. It was a question, but spoken more like a statement.

"Uh humn." Bobby nodded, holding out a hand to shake.

"Welcome to the family, Bobby." Raul gripped Bobby's hand firmly, shaking it in an unexpectedly enthusiastic manner.

"Oh no he calls his employees his family. Chico why'd you set me up like this." Bobby thought, but only simply smiled in return.

Details such as Bobby's hours and pay were exchanged over the phone. Three days a week, 8:00 AM til 4:00 PM, with one half-hour break. He got $1.60 an hour and couldn't smoke with his uniform on.

"You can start tomorrow, you'll be on shift with Matilda over there." Raul briefed, handing Bobby a uniform shirt and leaving the storage room to point to Matilda. Matilda was an acne-riddled 20-something year old with a hunch and fried blonde hair in a bun. She didn't notice Raul calling her name, focusing on scanning her customer's items.

"If you catch her smoking in her uniform, tell me. She's a re-offender." Raul chuckled, slapping Bobby's arm as he did so. This man did a lot of friendly slapping. Bobby scoffed a laugh, sharing a smile with Raul, but mostly just to be polite.

✧ ELEVEN MINUTES LATER  ✧

Walking back to his flat, uniform in hand, the drizzling-rain had stopped. Bobby walked past a busker, an elderly man playing the trumpet. He stood and listened for a moment, the sound of constant road-traffic and mumbling strangers blending with the sophisticated jazz being played.

Bobby tossed a coin into the trumpet-case the man had played in front of him, receiving a grateful wink. He turned away, looking at the café on the other side of the road. That little green awning, that dark oak door and tan brick walls. Bobby remembered the waitress wiping down the tables, biting the inside of his cheeks as he peered in the glass windows, looking for her.

He turned away, back to the trumpet player. The sound of music accompanied his thoughts. 

"Café Verte opens at 08:00 AM, Monday to Saturday. Doesn't open on Sundays, the owner's a Catholic, they don't work on Sundays." Bobby recalled the landlord explaining to him.

"If you're gonna get something, get the black coffee. They get their coffee beans imported from Brazil, real good shit." The landlord was probably a regular customer, because who the hell else rambles on about a café.

Bobby made up his mind to visit Café Verte the next day, the fact both the café & his job started at 08:00 AM not seeming to cross his mind.

END OF CHAPTER ✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

A/N: Just a reminder this is my first published work. Sorry for the slow start haha I promise I'll speed it up. Any advice would be appreciated <3 WORD COUNT: 1.5K

#pacino #al pacino #bobby #the panic in needle park #70s #1970s #new york #panic in needle park #meow #angst

[f0ntainefuturistics]

I beta tested the outlast trials, here’s what it was like:

So I was lucky enough to to be apart of the closed beta test for the outlast trials the day testing dropped after waiting since the gamescom beta announcement, as someone who has been a fan of outlast since the launch of the first game all the way back in 2013 this was a huge honour and I’m glad to say that I participated.

Obviously with any beta test there was bugs, what I didn’t expect was there to be issues with accessing the game itself, however this was easily fixed by changing a setting in the game launch options. I expect that this will be fixed on launch.

The opening cutscene for the game is absolutely brilliant, typical gore and uneasy feelings I’ve come to expect from the series. Cant wait to see it again upon launch! I’ll link it here for those that want to see it before the game comes out.

After the opening cutscene you get to customise your character, don’t worry about the choices you make being permanent as you can always change it in your character’s room just by going to the mirror. Room customisation is also a unique aspect of the game, I enjoyed having my own personalised ‘hub’ to wake up in every time I booted up the game. You can choose the wallpaper, floor and bedsheets as well as a wide variety of items and posters for your room

The tutorial is far more akin to classic outlast than the rest of the game, it’s single player and obviously walks you through the basic mechanics of the game all while introducing the story.

The opening of the tutorial (past the generic press shift to run, space to jump, etc parts) sees your reagent/patient/character whatever you’d like to call them undergo reconditioning, going through different aspects of the stereotypical early 20th century American lifestyle (more so referring to discipline, church, etc.) these are false memories that murkoff is feeding to the player’s character as apart of the ‘therapy’. The introduction of Mother Gooseberry and Dr Futterman is also shown off here as you go to the upper floor of the house and learn that you must destroy any evidence of your previous life so that you, the player, may create your new one with murkoff, all while avoiding mother and many other NPCs.

After the tutorial, seeing other players walk around the facility took a while to get used to but it’s quite fun to watch other players jump about and arm wrestle. Arm wrestling is a really fun mechanic and I had the joy of arm wrestling with a couple red barrels staff members- really wish there was some form of leaderboard for it

The only trial available was Snitches Get Stitches, which is a Coyle/Police Station centric level. I won’t go too much into the plot of the trial since my memory’s failing me with certain aspects but it was extremely fun. Trials can be played alone or in teams of 2, 3, or 4 I’d recommend playing as a team as certain parts of the level get significantly harder when playing alone but it would be enjoyable those who want a challenge.

For those worried that trials will be a dead by daylight knockoff: don’t worry, there’s a lot more to the trials than there is in DBD. There’s several enemies and the objectives are not as simple as doing five gens and escaping (for example in SGS, your main objective is to find the snitch and kill him all while avoiding Coyle and whoever else is lurking around the station)

The ‘combat’ in trials is more of a stun system rather than actually fighting the enemies which is something I was extremely worried about going into this game.

Trials is definitely the most unique outlast title to date, it was an unexpected change but my initial harsh criticisms of the game have been proven wrong and I’m glad!

If you’ve read this far, thank you! There’s definitely things I’m missing from this post and I’m sorry for that- it’s been a while since the beta so my memory’s lacking a bit.

#outlast #outlast trials #red barrels #outlast 2 #the outlast trials #miles upshur #waylon park #murkoff corporation #mother gooseberry #officer coyle #Youtube

[melanielocke]

The Stars Collide - Chapter 8

As promised to the anon who sent me that ask today, here is the next chapter. Also, I just started reading A Strange and Stubborn Endurance by Foz Meadows and if you like this fic I think you'd also like this book. It also features a queer arranged marriage. AO3 | Chapter list

Thomas was exhausted when he woke up the next morning, but too awake to go back to bed and attempt to sleep some more. Alastair was still in bed, and Thomas decided to leave him there. He’d gone to bed even later, Thomas didn’t think he’d slept at all before they’d gotten stranded in that memory together. He had some things to think about anyway, and he wanted to speak to Matthew. Knowing Matthew, he wasn’t awake this early, so Thomas took his time making breakfast, leaving something for Alastair in the fridge. He was so skinny, Thomas hoped he had been eating properly. If not, cooking good food for him was the least Thomas could do.

He checked on Alastair once more before leaving, leaving a note on Thomas’ pillow to let him know where he’d gone. He heard noise, a voice speaking softly. Alastair had mentioned he talked in his sleep. He seemed distressed, but Thomas couldn’t make out what he was saying. It made him wonder what kind of memory he’d tried to escape last night.

‘Stop,’ he could make out. ‘Please stop.’

Thomas gently shook Alastair’s shoulders, who shot awake. ‘What’s happening? Thomas?’ His voice was weak.

‘You were having a nightmare,’ Thomas said. ‘I thought I should wake you up. Are you okay?’

Alastair shrugged. ‘I have nightmares often. I’m used to it, you shouldn’t worry.’

‘I was going to go out and see Matthew, but if you’d rather I stayed with you, I will,’ Thomas said.

‘No, that’s fine,’ Alastair said and Thomas realized he should not have mentioned any plans if he wanted Alastair to be honest with him, but then perhaps he needed some space.

‘Okay. Breakfast is in the fridge,’ Thomas said. ‘Take your time. And maybe you can think of something we can do to get to know each other better in the afternoon or evening. Or you could go see your sister.’

Thomas left for Matthew’s new rooms, which he realized was where Alastair used to live with Charles. Would Matthew have changed it much? He had a rather exquisite taste, but he’d only lived there for a couple of days now and might not have had the time to make major changes.

Matthew was up already, but barely, watching a period romance in his silk dressing gown.

‘Thomas! I wasn’t expecting you. I figured Alastair would have kept you occupied for a little longer.’

‘It’s an arranged marriage, Matthew,’ Thomas reminded his friend. ‘He doesn’t have feelings for me. How are you finding your new living space?’

‘It’s a work in progress,’ Matthew said. ‘I finally got the cigarette smell out.’

Thomas raised an eyebrow. ‘You did?’

‘Okay, fine, I hired a cleaning crew to do it and also replace all the wallpapers and curtains. The place looks and smells much better now. As far as vices go, I don’t get smoking tobacco. It doesn’t even get you high. Alcohol or even weed would be a far better choice. It doesn’t turn your wallpapers yellow and lets you have way more fun. Seriously, this place was gross.’

‘I heard Charles was a smoker,’ Thomas said. ‘Alastair is working on quitting himself. Do you think that’s too much to ask of him? I explained how I feel about smoking and how it might impact my health.’

‘He can do whatever he wants to destroy his own health, but you have a right to a smoke free house, especially with your health issues,’ Matthew said. ‘You don’t want to know what this place smelled like when I first moved in. I can’t believe mom allowed Tilly to come here.’

Tilly was Matthew’s younger sister, now seven years old. Thomas used to babysit her sometimes and both he and Matthew were quite fond of her. Alastair had to know Tilly as well and Thomas wondered if he was good with children. Thomas wanted children someday, he wondered how Alastair felt about that. Despite being heir to the throne, Charles had never seemed interested in having any.

‘I can’t imagine that would have been good for her health,’ Thomas said.

‘Exactly. So, how is your marriage? Are you planning a honeymoon? Anything to get to know each other better?’

‘I asked him to pick an activity for us this afternoon to get to know each other. But I don’t think he likes me a lot,’ Thomas said.

‘Did he say that?’ Matthew inquired.

Thomas sat down on the couch next to Matthew. ‘No, but I can tell from his behavior. He’s not comfortable around me, he doesn’t feel safe. He’s not happy. I’m not sure he ever was though. You know Charles better than me. Do you have any idea what their marriage was like?’

Matthew shrugged. ‘I always got the sense Alastair was super in love with him, which I never understood. I mean, it’s Charles, who could love him? Charles never showed any affection towards Alastair in public, but he never has. I don’t know if he ever loved anyone more than he loved power. But I have no clue what their marriage was like. Who knows, maybe Charles does have a hidden softer side he never showed me.’

‘Or perhaps he didn’t,’ Thomas said. ‘Do you think he was capable of hurting people close to him?’

Matthew grimaced. ‘Honestly? Yes. Charles always craved power, and as heir to the throne he believed he was entitled to it, that he was more important than everyone else. I’m not sure he realized other people are, well, people. Everyone seemed disposable to him.

He was never particularly careful with me when I was little, nor protective, and sometimes when he failed at something he’d place the blame on me even if it had nothing to do with me. As a child I thought that was normal, siblings fight after all. But he was a lot older than me and when Tilly was born I realized I cared for her and loved her a lot more than Charles had ever done for me.’

Thomas considered his words for a moment. ‘Alastair won’t talk to me about it. And we’ve only known each other for so short, I can understand why. But something seems off. Charles forbade him from speaking to his family, and Alastair makes excuses for him but I can tell it hurt him a lot. He asked me for permission to call his mother. And yesterday I accidently hurt Cordelia. Alastair got super mad at me, which I can’t blame him for. But Alastair knew how to cover up her bruise expertly, like it was something he’d done many times before. I know something’s wrong. But what am I supposed to do?’

Matthew looked down. ‘I don’t think I’m the person you should be asking that. I mean, I can believe Charles was an ass and I can believe he mistreated his husband. And you’ve always been the most observant out of us, so if you say something’s up you’re probably right. But I have no clue how you should talk to him about it. Maybe you shouldn’t, he might not want to talk about it.’

‘I’ve considered that, but it’s not going to be easy having that hang in between us. Nor is it fair, I mean, he deserves to know that I suspect something happened to him. But it will also make things more awkward, and I don’t think he’s ready to talk about it.’

Matthew shrugged. ‘Maybe you should let him know you suspect something, without pressuring him to talk about it. Not sure how to do that, though.’

Thomas nodded. ‘I’ll give it a try,’ he said, but he was not sure if he would.

He returned home after drinking tea with Matthew, talking about how his fashion business had been. One of the reasons Matthew disliked being made crown prince was that it took him away from his true passion, which was clothes. As the second son of the Queen, he had been free to pursue a career as a fashion designer but now he’d been called home for responsibilities that did not suit him. But if what Thomas suspected about Charles was true, he would have been an even worse ruler someday.

Thomas remained of the opinion that monarchies were a bad idea, but abolishing one was easier said than done. The problem was that the intergalactic treaties demanded clear rulers that did not change too often, and political marriages to align nearby parts of the universe. If Charlotte were to change the system she risked nullifying every treaty she’d ever signed that kept them safe. There was a reason the Emperor of Edom was often called the Thief of Planets and he was quick to take any planets that lost their protection.

He found Alastair in the living room with both Cordelia and Lucie.

‘Thomas! Are you going to the beach with us?’ Lucie asked.

‘I’m sorry, what?’

‘I’m going to the beach to collect seashells for my charms,’ Lucie said. ‘Cordelia is flying me.’

Thomas frowned. ‘Wait, why fly? There’s a beach right outside.’

‘Yes, and on a sunny day like this, it’s completely packed with people,’ Lucie said. ‘I cannot work in such conditions, not to mention people would have trampled the sea shells. Alastair also prefers the quiet, so it’s perfect. You two come along with us and enjoy the afternoon at the beach while I work.’

It wasn’t uncommon for Lucie to go out in search of spell ingredients herself. Thomas was no expert on how it worked, but she had a better sense of what ingredients were right whereas Thomas could only tell which sea shell was the prettiest and the most intact.

‘I thought it might be fun,’ Alastair said. ‘You said you wanted to go on an activity, and Cordelia offered to take us with her. I haven’t been swimming in some time.’

‘Okay. That’s a good idea,’ Thomas said.

‘I just went to buy a swimsuit since I didn’t have one,’ Alastair said. ‘I hope that’s okay.’

‘Of course. Alastair, I don’t care what you do with your own money.’

‘I also bought a computer,’ Alastair added. ‘And I’ve been thinking about going back to studying. I never finished my master’s degree and I thought it might be good for me to go back to it.’

Thomas didn’t know what to do with Alastair’s tendency to ask him permission for things that really weren’t up to him. Had Charles truly controlled Alastair’s life to such a degree that he felt he needed permission to make basic choices for himself?

‘Of course,’ Thomas said. ‘I want you to do whatever makes you happy. I got a master’s degree in linguistics myself not long ago. It’s hard, but you’re clever and a challenge might be good for you. Give me a moment to pack a bag to bring to the beach and then I’ll come along.’

Taglist: @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @life-through-the-eyes-of @styxdrawings @justanormaldemon @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @amchara @all-for-the-fanfiction@imsoftforthomastair @ddepressedbookworm @queenlilith43 @wagner-fell @cant-think-of-anything @laylax13s @tessherongraystairs

#Thomas Lightwood #Alastair Carstairs #Thomastair #Matthew Fairchild #Cordelia Carstairs #Lucie Herondale #the last hours #tlh #fanfiction #the stars collide

[99point9percentwhump]

Whumptober Day 1- Unconventional Restraint

"It was a bustling evening in Waldo's before Maguire showed up and changed everything. I was playing the piano and people were having a good time, a nice Friday evening for most people, just not for me"

"Maguire showed up at about 10:30. He was a distraught man, mid-thirties with a military regulated mustache. I could see that a mile away as he cut through the tables and cigarette smoke looking for something, apparently me. As soon as his eyes saw me he made tracks and sat down without an invitation. I had kept playing when he whispered desperately in my ear that he needed help. I nodded over at a spare booth and he sat there and waited as I finished the set and then wandered over to the eagerly waiting man."

Sitting down Johnny lit a cigarette, not needing to offer one to the man tapping the table worriedly. "How can I help you?" Johnny offered.

"My name's Maguire. I need you to help me find someone." Maguire took a desperate heavy swig of the drink Waldo had brought while he was waiting.

"Okay, I need some more details."

Maguire shook his head. "I don't know who, I just need your help finding out who they are."

Puzzled, Johnny smoothed a hand over his dark hair. "Look friend, if you want my help you're gonna have to give me more than that."

The man 'Maguire' dragged a hand down his face. "I don't know her name." The man had an air of experience and he seemed well traveled, but he also looked like a man who was just put out to dry.

Taking a long drag on his cigarette, Johnny leaned forward. "What did this woman do then?"

Shifting uncomfortably, the man leaned closer to Johnny. "She robbed me."

That wasn't an uncommon occurrence in the city, not even in the world. I'd heard many stories in Korea of GI's being robbed by a dame.

Johnny flicked the loose ashes. "When and where?" The man leaned back, eyes looking toward the door. "What did she take?" the PI tried. Maguire's attention returned to him. "My wallet, my train ticket and my watch!" he said louder than he intended, quickly casting a wary eye around to make sure no other patron had overheard.

Johnny waited, then beckoned to the bar who quickly jumped to making another drink and brought it. Maguire finished it in a gulp. "It was last night, this girl at a bar well…" he trailed off. "Yeah, I get it. Okay, when did it happen?"

"We got back to her hotel room at the fireside motel, she said she was only staying in New York. The next two nights she made drinks and then the next thing I know I'm waking up on the floor, wallet and watch missing and so is the girl!"

Pretty classic case.

"So, how am I supposed to find this girl if she wasn't supposed to stay in the city?"

Maguire said, face flustered, "You're the investigator and you come highly recommended!"

"Okay, I'll see what I can do." Johnny stubbed out his cigarette. "Leave your contact information and I'll let you know.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Johnny made his way across the busy streets on a mission.

What Maguire was looking for was one in a million. Trying to track down one girl who swindled him was nearly impossible, but I said I'd try and I have a place to start. The Fire Motel.

I had some dealings with the manager of the motel through some other cases. She wasn't my biggest fan but my work with the police is the only reason she helped. This was to avoid them looking too much at the comings and goings of the motels business.

Johnny stepped up on the curb bathed in the neon red sign reading Fire Motel, a second one that flashed vacancies and a sign on the wall giving price of stays by the week, night, and hour.

The PI stepped through the creaking door into the lobby, its old, well worn carpet half the color it once was. The wallpaper was peeling in patches and the front desk's proprietor was sitting in an ancient leather desk chair that once would have been properly seated at a fancy dining hall, now leather cracked and sunken from use. The woman sat in it smoking, her eyes already on him peeking over her crooked glasses. She huffed a cloud of smoke in irritation at the site of him.

"Donna." he said, trying to be friendly. She replied by jamming her spent cigarette in an already overfilled ashtray and twisted it violently. He smiled at her.

She was in her early 50s, involved in the various businesses that ran out of the motel for most of her life. Her blond hair was tucked back. "Whaddya want Staccato?" Her voice once might have been pretty but was now warped from years of heavy drinking and smoking. It was raspy and harsh and filled with spite for the man. "I was hoping you'd have someone here I'm looking for."

"Ohh I got lots for you." She gave a dark smirk at her own innuendo. "Not that kinda girl, Donna. One that's just passing through, robbed a guy last night."

She lit another cigarette. "Doesn't happen at my place," she said defensively.

"Not without your permission at least," Johnny countered. Donna let out a raucous laugh "You know, I could be very offended by that kind of statement Johnny."

Johnny caught movement from the shadows, someone he had missed. A hulking man in a black suit, arms crossed, a hand tucked inside the jacket. "i'm only looking for a girl, if she doesn't work for you, then you should want her gone. She's giving your place a bad reputation," he countered, a smirk playing up. Donna stood sizing up Johnny "We've only had one room let for someone just staying the night."

Donna reached down and pulled out two glasses and a bottle of dark liquor and poured a round into each glass. She slid one at Johnny. The glass slid across the polished desk, stopping right at the edge. Donna smiled wickedly. "Still got it." She raised her glass at Johnny expectedly.

"The room, Donna," he countered without touching the glass.

"Oh! That's right," she turned with a flourish, grabbing a coffee mug and then the pot sitting on a burner. She filled it while Johnny looked towards the heavy-set man who was staring at him from the shadows, just waiting for Donna to tell him what to do. A clink of the mug on the counter brought Johnny back to Donna. She took the amber filled glass she sent to him and drank it.

"Donna. I don't have all night."

She pulled a face. "And I always thought the one thing you had was manners," she pouted glancing at her bodyguard. Johnny suppressed a sigh and took the stained cup, debating whether it was safe but lacking a better alternative, he said "To your health," and he sipped the drink. It was lukewarm, watered down but very bitter still. Donna smiled pleased and finished off her second drink Johnny forced himself to take another drink of what once was coffee, then Donna stepped out from behind the front desk, smoothly grabbing a key off the wall. "I'll show you the way."

"I can find it myself." Johnny argued. Donna dramatically frowned and looked hurt. "Oh Johnny, it's not everyday I get to take such handsome men to one of my bedrooms," she leered at him. He plucked the key from her hand and put the cup down.

"Still haven't," he said equally.

She leaned back against the desk. "If you insist, it's your loss."

Johnny checked the tag on the key. Room 12. He eyed the guard as he passed and made his way down the narrow halls of the Fire Motel, doing his best to ignore the various sounds emanating from different rooms he passed. He looked for Room 12, he finally found it at the poorly lit dead end of the first floor. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he glanced back at the empty hall. He shook it off, chalking it up to the location. The PI slid his hand to his revolver nestled in his waist holster as he eased the key into the lock and opened the door.

The room was dark, so he reached for a switch. He found one and snapped it on, revealing the room. It was like any room for money, minimally furnished with anything but a bed. It had no signs of being occupied. Johnny shook his head, he didn't think his quarry would be here but he had to check. He turned for the door when a wave of dizziness hit him he pinched his eyes shut, caught off guard at the feeling. He tried to stand straight but the world tilted out of his control. He caught his hands on a support, the brass footboard of the bed as a slow ringing started in his ears, then it occurred to him he hadn't seen Donna pour the coffee. "Oh no."

He didn't mean to say it aloud.

"Something wrong?" a mocking innocent voice asked. Still gripping the footboard for support, he looked at the open doorway to find Donna leaning wantonly on the doorframe.

A cold sweat broke out all over Johnny, he tried to speak but all sound caught in his throat coming out only in a slight moan. He could feel his hand slipping on the brass as Donna took a slow purposeful step toward him. He tried to stand upright when the room began reeling. All senses dulled, he barely felt his knees drive into the worn carpeted floor. All he saw was an up-close look of the shredded fibers when, somehow, the world violently turned again and he was facing the ceiling. He blinked slowly as it shifted in and out of focus, then Donna's face came leaning over him. She was heavily leering at the prone detective. Johnny tried desperately to get his arm to move to his revolver, but his body refused to respond.

He was helpless as kneeled down. Donna flicked away his suit jacket covering his waistband holster. She placed a hand on his chest to support her as she plucked the hand gun from its place, then leaned down draping herself across his chest. She dragged the nose of the revolver under Johnny's chin.

"And you said I'd never get you into my bedroom," her smokey voice purred in his ear as she ran her free hand over his cheek. Then she dragged it down his face and lower to places she had no place in being. Johnny was almost grateful as his vision dimmed and he lost consciousness.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The first thing Johnny noted as his sense started to return was the painful ache in his shoulders and the pins and needles in his hands. Then the headache made itself known. He wanted to fall back into oblivion and escape the feelings when the memory of himself collapsing and Donna came rushing back to him. The panic forced his eyes open and his eyes struggled to focus, his stomach turned in knots. He swallowed back the nausea, then he went to lean forward to ease the nauseous feeling when he was stopped. The pain in his shoulders flared, so he sat back, then he saw what was holding him back. Each of his wrists were bound to the brass footboard with a nylon stocking. he tried to twist his hands free but the stocking held fast. A mocking laugh came from the door causing him to freeze. Donna stood again in the doorway eyeing him nastily.

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen. That's the oldest trick in the book, Detective."

He could help but glance down, happy to find his clothes mostly intact. Only his jacket was removed, and his shirt was unbuttoned half way. He sent her a fury filled look. She sauntered over as he shifted. Still helpless, she casually checked the knots "I was tempted to use my best silk ones for you Johnny." She chuckled and bent down and grasped his chin, forcing him to look up at her. He jerked his chin free of her grasp. "Let me go."

Donna let out a laugh. "Oh don't you worry your pretty little head about that. Someone will." She walked to the doorway, swaying her hips a little more than necessary as she walked.

She turned and leaned against the doorway. "I called the police, they'll be here shortly." She smiled smugly "Adieu, my dear." She left, pulling the door shut behind her, leaving Johnny alone

Johnny fought against the bonds holding him a fresh wave of dizziness washed over him. He let out a small whimper and tried to rest his head on one shoulder, but the nausea returned. Lost in his own head, leftover drugs in his system overtook him and he fell asleep.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The sound of voices and doors clattering open woke Johnny. His arms were on fire and now he had an uncomfortable crink in his neck from sleeping. Considering his plight he felt better, more aware. Even his stomach had settled and the room before him was in more focus when the door knob shifted and slowly eased open, revealing the figure of a man in a crisp suit and fedora sitting at an angle; his colt looked specially drawn. Johnny let out an uncomfortable sigh. Detective Sullivan scanned the room, never letting his police instincts down. "You alright Staccato?"

Johnny sighed. "Do I look alright, Sully?!"

Sullivan smirked a bit, letting Johnny get away with the snap. He holstered his Police special and walked over, inspecting the stockings holding Johnny prisoner. "She never runs out of surprises, does she." Sully retrieved a Swiss Army knife from his pocket and went to work freeing the private detective. "You arrest Donna?" Johnny grimaced as Sully finally cut through one. He cradled his arm in his lap

"Nope, she flew the coop" he stated as he cut through the last of the stocking. Johnny rushed to stand but swayed dangerously once he did. Sullivan grasped him by the arms to steady him. "Easy Staccato," he looked sympathetically at Johnny. We

"We have to find her." Johnny said adamantly. Sully raised his eyebrows and didn't let Johnny go, preventing him from running off. "Johnny, Donna is a pro but she'll turn up again. The only place you should be is the hospital."

Johnny weakly tried to pull free of Sully's hold. "No, no hospitals. I'm fine."

The police detective scoffed. "Then you're only going back to Waldo's. At least he'll keep an eye on you till you're thinking clearly." Johnny went to protest but Sully wasn't one to debate. "It's Waldo's or the police station." That got through to Johnny that he has no real choice in the matter. He conceded, "Fine. Waldo's."

"Alright then."

Releasing Johnny, he walked the private investigator out, grasping him by the elbow when he staggered and helping the younger man to the car. Waiting for him, Sully got the door. Johnny waved his hands "Sully I'm fine. I can walk."

Sullivan scoffed. "You're not walking ten feet, get in," he ordered. Reluctantly, Johnny obeyed and got in the back seat. He was followed by Sully, who ordered the driver to Waldo's. "Donna's a heck of a player to get you, eh Staccato." There was no response. Sully looked at Johnny who'd fallen fast asleep leaning against the car window.

"Walk indeed," the detective said under his breath as the police car took off into the night. AO3 LINK

#whumptober2022 #Day 1 #unconventional restraint #tied up #whump fic #whump writing #power play #drugged #collapse #Johnny Staccato

[sehodreams]

when i saw that there’d be an update, i was expecting more trauma.

First, i imagine the reader would WANT to leave the toxic work environment but can’t afford to change companies, and can’t take the risk of asking SM to transfer her to a new group. She isn’t choosing to stay because she “loves the boys” or “loves her work”, but rather, as a min-wage worker, she’s has no choice but to stay. (which is kind of sexy in a dubcon world because duh...no choice but to remain victimized.)

next, i also imagine she behaves slightly differently after the incident. Before, she might go to each member to ask one-by-one if they need things, she’s tend to them individually, but now she’d talk to the whole group at once: “you guys need anything?” “Does fried chicken sound good to you all?” She’d place a cooler on the table, “Everyone, take a water bottle.” This allows her to limit engaging one-on-one with wonbin.

I would also imagine she’d be at least a bit traumatized, and that it’d manifest in ways she might not be consciously aware of: loss of appetite; covered head to toe in layers of oversized clothes, nothing form fitting; putting less effort to her appearance (e.g., less makeup, not accessorizing, no longer painting her nails, etc.). She doesn't want wonbin to think she's pretty because that means he'll violate her again and she wants to avoid that at all costs.

Still, she feels the wounded threads of her heart tear even more every time she /has/ to interact with wonbin. her legs go numb when he passes by her and envelopes her in a waft of his cologne mixed with musky sweat, reminding her of the same scent violating her earlier. she swallows the bitter bile in her throat at every roll call when she reaches wonbin’s name. her hands tremble at the door knob of his bedroom as she prepares herself to wake him up. she wants to tear her ears out when she hears him laugh across the room at something sohee said.

I imagined wonbin the same way you did. He’s a gift and a terror. Sometimes, he does her a favor and treats her like she’s the most forgettable, dull, uninteresting, unremarkable grey wallpaper. He never brings up the incident. He doesn’t seek her attention. He doesn’t make special requests. He complies with her instructions. He up & out of bed immediately when she wakes him up.

Other times, he’s salt on her wounds. After events, as the manager comes to collect some of their wardrobe items, he drops his blazer by his feet, forcing the manager to kneel before him as if to taunt “you belong on your knees”. Or, she feels someone staring at the back of head, and when she turns around to face the eyes, she sees him sitting on the waiting room sofa, nonchalantly splitting an apple with his bare hands and taking a bite of a split half as if to remind her how easily he could hurt her.

as you can see, i’m far more obsessed with the reader than wonbin lol! she’s very interesting to me. i want to bubble wrap her but also kind of want to see wonbin break her will hehe! i love this world/fic that you built, it has inspired so much thought in me

Wow, so here comes an spoiler

So there's actually a whole background to reader's personality too, she's older than him and is working as a manager, but she comes from a lot of minimum wage jobs because, sadly, she had problems and couldn't go to college, and one of the reasons she loves her job is because she actually has been a manager before but THEY TREATED LIKE SHIT, sometimes not even paying her because it was one of those many companies that failed, and when she landed with this manager job she decided to give her best to make it endure and get a better position in the future (she doesn't many options neither). Also, the boys are actually pretty cool with her and she feels a connection because they told her how was their manager before and about their real lives and struggles, and she knows how it is to people to treat you like shit, so she has formed a kind of relationship with them (on her head).

But something i kinda wanted to put after time (and okay here comes the spoiler) is that at some point she realizes that they're just coworkers, not the marvelous idea of real friends she made on her head, and that's one of the reasons after so much suffering, she ends up leaving her job (and after one situation I'll put after). So yeah, we'll pop her bubble.

Ego!Wonbin actually believes he deserves everything in this world, and has found a person that struggled to get where she is, even if it's not far for many, and that feels like they doesn't have much to offer so they're an easy target for people like him. Also, he's trying to make her think that she'll never find someone that wants her like him again, to convince her she has to be grateful, adding that reader is scared of going back to her old life.

Reader's always wore clothes that covered her, she has never dressed to impressed so there's not much to change about her wardrobe.

Still, I love how much you've said, i really like the cooler scene because it shows a clear contrast on the treat reader gives to the boys before and after. AND OH GOD, THE APPLE SCENE, it shows so much how he can hurt her with little to no effort, and i imagine him making a smirk and licking the juices that covered his hand too, slowly, showing her how much he enjoys to break her a little more every time. (If I end stealing your ideas please don't hate me, they're soooo good)

And it's true, it'd be better if she tried to engage less with Wonbin, I've seen there are many ways to deal with traumatic experiences, and the things you've mentioned are really usual ways, i guess i focused too much in the ways I've seen in my life, but you've made such an excellent point, there are things one does without even realizing, the nails are one of them and i can completely see reader losing one of the little things she does to feel better with herself. She has bad problems with self-steem so she never did things that showed, afraid of getting laughed at, however the nails would be such a perfect thing because they're so small not many notice it, but a thing that could be important for her to feel better with herself.

I love your ideas, you have a great mind, i hope i continue receiving your comments because i love the way you think!

And oh god i feel a little bad because i think i ruined the idea of many about how ego!wonbin and insecure!plus size!reader story could've been hahaha

#riize x plus size reader #dark!wonbin

[fastbuildingcompany]

Tips to Remember When DIY Tiling

Here are tips to remember when DIY tiling. First off, you can install bathroom tiles if you want to decorate your bathroom floors and walls. The good news is that you can choose from many finishes, colours, materials, and sizes. The idea is to help you achieve your desired results. Whether you want to achieve a glossy modern look or classic rustic charm, you can follow the tips below. Following these steps, you can complete your tiling project without trouble.

Make an intelligent choice

Before placing your order, don't forget to estimate the number of tiles your project requires. And then purchase at least 10% more tiles. During the project installation, your handyman may end up breaking some tiles. You may also need more tiles to fill in difficult gaps.

So, you may want to measure your bathroom floor to get a better idea of how many tiles you need for this project. It is a good idea to purchase all your tiles at once. This approach will help you keep colour discrepancies to a minimum.

Have a plan

Like any home improvement project, we suggest you have a solid plan. In other words, you may want to do careful measurement and planning. So, it is a great idea to measure twice to be on the safe side.

If you follow a plan, you can choose the best tiles for your bathroom floors and walls, and they can make your bathroom look more beautiful. After all, you don't want to look at odd-patterned tiles each time you wake up in the morning.

 Install Floor Tiles

Use a chalk line to divide your bathroom into four equal quarters. You can draw a line from each wall's central point to the opposing wall's central point. The idea is to help you get the best angle to kickstart your planning.

Install two rows of your bathroom tiles along the lines in the shape of backward L or L in the room centre. And don't forget to leave some space for grout lines. You can change your guidelines slightly to avoid a gap at the edges. Alternatively, you can change the grout lines as well. However, you may want to keep the grout lines straight at the right angle.

The idea is to decide on your spacing and placement to help you work with half or full tiles. After all, you don't want to end up with awkward cuttings. Use the chart to mark new lines once you are happy with a guideline.

Install Wall Tiles

First, you may want to create a tile gauge by placing the tiles in a line on the floor just like they would fit on the wall. This approach aims to make a type of ruler to work out the place on the wall where the tiles will go. Next, liner pattern and use a pencil to mark where the tile touches the ground.

Start from the bottom, move up the wooden batten equal to the one tile space, and use a pencil to mark the wall. If you end up with a gap at the top of the wall, you can move everything up to ensure you and the whole tile.

Once you have marked your wall, attach the batten to create the baseline. You can follow the same steps for the horizontal line. Using a spirit level is a good idea to ensure everything is even.

Use a spirit level

It is a good idea to tile the right area. In other words, the area should be smooth enough for the tile installation. For example, if you want to install floor tiles but the surface area is not smooth enough, you can install a layer of plywood to create a level base.

The good news is that you can tile over old tiles as well. Just remove old wallpaper and fill in large holes and cracks. Then, you can apply a coat of plaster to create a stable surface for the tiles.

Cut carefully

You may need to cut tiles into different shapes as you will need to tile around windows, basin pedestals, and toilets. Therefore, you can mark the desired shape using a pencil. Alternatively, you can try a card stencil. It is a good idea to err on the side of caution to be on the safe side.

 Level your tiling properly

If you want to achieve the best look, level your tiling. You will have to cut many small pieces if your tiles are not level at an angle. On top of this, you may get season due to the wavy lines if the tiles are not levelled.

So, you may want to use the spirit level repeatedly to ensure you are level. Apart from this, your bathtubs should also be level. You can remove the bath panels and adjust the legs to level your bathtubs.

Long story short, you may want to follow these seven tips if you tile your bathroom.

Fast Building Company can help you with your tiling projects. So, if you need a good service provider, you can contact them.

© Fast Building Company

#building contractor #tiling services in North London #tiling services

[girl-of-many-fandoms]

Right Person, Wrong Time

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Summary: The reader is an actress being interviewed after her recent split from Chris 

Warnings: none

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

MASTERLIST 

-------

Have you ever wondered what it felt like being stuck in the same patterns everyday? Waking up at the ass crack of dawn, interview after interview, photoshoots and the countless auditions and acting projects.

It's a lot to juggle on a daily basis.

And today I'm just rolling with the punches as they come. This is my second interview for today as I'm promoting my new movie with Ryan Reynolds and all I keep thinking about is getting home and drowning my sorrows with an ice cream sundae.

Ryan's been doing most of the talking in this press junket so far and I am so greatful because I can't seem to get my mind off of my ex boyfriend.

Looking around the studio I noticed the smiles on the audience faces, I can see Jimmy's lips moving as well as Ryan's but I found it so hard to tune back in to join the conversation.

This is going to be a long day.

A light nudge on my arm brought me back to reality.

"I'm sorry, I zoned out there a bit" forcing a smile and a laugh along with the audience as I readjusted myself on the sofa, waiting for Jimmy to repeat his question.

"Y/N I'm excited to see you in this movie, especially after that stunt your character does in the trailer but I'm sorry I have to ask you this" swallowing I fiddled with the hem of my blazer fighting back the urge to break down.

"You and Chris Evans, what happened and do we hate his guts?" a humorless laugh escaped me as I tried to formulate a suitable response to that.

"Chris and I were far too busy with filming and promoting our movies. It got to a point where it felt like we were both in a relationship with work more than we were when we were together. So to put it lightly, I guess we both realized that what he had was no longer satisfying us and before it got worse between us we came to the decision to walk away." there was a hitch in my voice at the end and I took a sip of water from the mug next to me, hoping that no one picked up on it.

"So in a sense, you both fell out of love" 

"God no, well at least for me, I didn't fall out of love with Chris, don't think I ever could to be honest." the crowd gushed at the sappy yet honest response I gave.

"And to your second part of the question, no I don't hate him. Chris is the most genuine and thoughtful human being that I've ever had the chance of knowing. He takes great care of the ones he loves and to him I wish him all the luck with whatever he sets his mind to do" those words were spoken with nothing but truthfulness, I honestly do wish him all the best in whatever project he's working on and I still do love him despite us going our separate ways.

There's a saying, you can meet the right person at the wrong time and to me, Chris was my right person and time was against us. I hope that someday by some twist of faith that we would cross paths again and give us another chance.

Chris took another swig of his beer while he watched the love of his life try to hold it together during the interview. Dodger whined at her voice as it filled the living room, he surely missed her, they both did.

Unlocking his phone he weakly smiled at his wallpaper that he has yet to change, Y/N was all smiles as Dodger licked her face after not seeing her for quite some time.

He missed that smile.

He needed her back in his life.

#chris evans x y/n #chris evans fluff #chris evans x reader #chris evans smut #chris evans imagine #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers smut #ransom drysdale smut #ransom drydale x you

[pies-writes-and-more]

Haikyuu boys and wearing their clothes

Characters: Asahi Azumane, Kageyama Tobio, Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Kotaro, Ushijima Wakatoshi, all with a gender-neutral reader :) (let me know if I missed a pronoun change or made something too femme! I very much so did not proof read this lol)

Warnings: Probably some swearing

A/N: This might be an overdone topic but I love it so much soooooo no regrets :) Let me know if you’d like more!

Asahi literally carries a picture of you in his phone case because he loves you in his clothes so much. He also has a pic of you wearing his hoodie as his wallpaper, and another printed pic of you framed in his room. I don’t care what size you are, his sweaters still manage to feel gigantic on you. It is like a hug FOREVER. 

He literally could not care less that his closet is slowly growing smaller because it means that he gets to see you in his clothes. Eventually, you’ll carry them all back to him in a bag so that he can make them smell like him again. But this is his favourite part, because now his favourite items smell like you. 

Daydreaming in class? Thinking of you wearing the sweater he has on. 

Gets smacked by a volleyball during practice? It’s cause the smell of you is still on his jersey. 

This man trips over his own two feet cause he’s trying to find you in the halls and you wave at him wearing his volleyball jacket ”So that’s where that went. I thought I forgot it somewhere...”

The two of you would trade sweaters before he went on any overnight trips and you’d send him snapchats of you cuddling with the sweater over a pillow or just you snuggled in bed with it on. He’d screenshot all of them, regardless of if you thought you looked good. 

He has an album of you. He will never delete them because they’re all precious.

His teammates have accidentally caught him looking through it before a game because it really de-stressed him if you weren’t able to attend the game in person (though you made it to most of them). Tanaka would burst into tears over not being able to have a significant other with cute photos of and would make Asahi promise to always treat you right. And Asahi would just stare at your photos with his cute little smile and obviously promise because his least favourite thing in the world is seeing you sad.

(Look at how cute he is omg)

Kageyama is confused when you ask to wear his sweater. You probably did it at a time that made some sort of sense. Like it was late at night and you were studying in the gym while Hinata and him were practicing. 

The cool breeze into the gym made you shiver a little and you noticed that his sweater was just sitting there on the ground so when he came over to grab some water you just looked up at him with your signature puppy eyes. “Can I wear it?”

“Why?”

“Oi, stupid head. They’re probably cold!” 

It would probably annoy him so much that Hinata figured it out before him. He’d kneel down and help you put it on, pulling it over your head and giving you a little smile cause you looked so damn cute in his sweater. 

But now that you’ve started wearing his things, he’s still very confused as to why you ask for them. “Should we go shopping?” He’d ask you randomly on a weekend when there was no volleyball practice. And you’d just stare at him because why would Kageyama want to stand somewhere that wasn’t a gym. “Aren’t you running out of clothes to wear or something?”

It would take a while and some conversations before you realized he was asking cause you had like 3 hoodies, a t-shirt, and some track pants in your room that were very much so his. “I just like having a piece of you with me,” you’d explain. He would have to think it over but he was very happy with this idea.

There’s only one shirt you’re not allowed to take and it’s this cute little graphic tee you got him for his birthday that has a nice drawing of a milk carton on it. He loves it. He will kill anyone that laughs at it. And no, you cannot wear it because if you’re wearing, what is he supposed to wear.

Sugawara and you regularly switch clothes because this man gives no fucks for your gender roles thank you very much. He shows up to practice one day wearing a dark pinkish basic, or some floral print shirt that you had in your closet and the boys are like “um Suga what are you wearing?”

And he’s probably just like “it’s call fashion, look it up.” (Like Suga sweetie, it’s just a shirt lol)

If you own any tighter pants like yoga pants or leggings? Suga has worn them because his legs and ass look great in them and he will strut around fully confident with that knowledge.

Honestly, he probably steals your sweaters more than you realize. You guys are baking at his house one day and you’ve made a mESS of your clothes and he’s just like oh it’s okay I’ll get you some new clothes.

And you’re expecting this cute little pj set that he has that might fit you or some comfy clothes that he’s lending you. No. He legitimately has some of your clothes and gives them to you and you’re just like.... “Suga I’ve been looking for this shirt for weeks. I even asked you about it.”

And he is suddenly deaf, little shithead.

He likes you in any clothes but they have to be his comfy clothes or he will set that shit on fire. Ennoshita once offered you his gloves because it was fricken cold out and you forgot yours at home and Suga literally threw him across the road and was like “hello angel I have gloves for you”.

You’re just like “um... Ennoshita are you okay?” Boy probably has a concussion and Suga’s just like “who’s Ennoshita?”

Tsukishima will kill you if he finds you raiding his closet. Like if he walks into his room when you two are supposed to be studying and you’re just casually picking out a sweater, he will throw you on the bed and tickle you until you call for mercy.

Will he offer his clothes to you if you’re in need of something? Most of the time, yes. But you have to ask. No stealing allowed in this household.

Except one night you stayed over and totally forgot a night shirt. Tsukishima is already like half asleep because he woke up way too early for practice that morning, so you just sneak into his drawers and pull out the first shirt you can. You can’t even see what it has on it cause it’s fucking dark. Then you crawl into bed with him, figuring you’ll accept your punishment for stealing tomorrow.

And when he wakes up, you best believe he was annoyed. First off, who plans to stay over and doesn’t bring a shirt? Stupid, can’t you remember anything? But then he realizes, you grabbed this cute little dino graphic shirt and his face is RED. Pasty boi so bright, he might as well be Hinata’s hair. And he’s desperately trying to get out of the bed and run to the bathroom before you wake up because holy fuck you’re PRECIOUS?

But all of his squirming just wakes you up and you see him all flustered, and just assume he’s mad and you’re like I’m so sorry I just didn’t have anything else and was stupid and forgot. And he just hits you (lovingly) on the head, mutters some sort of insult, and moves on.

From then on, that is your designated shirt. It’s a comfort item almost. He’ll only really wear it when he has to be away from town overnight, in which case he’ll wear it as a reminder of you (he won’t admit to it but you tried to take the shirt as a keepsake for while he was gone and he only had a heart attack. Tsukishima Kei does not believe in lucky charms. But he has yet to lose a game when he wears that shirt the night before).

Bokuto has been WAITING for you to wear something of his, but you haven’t yet. And it’s been stressful. He keeps trying to find a good excuse to see you in his clothes but you’re always too well-prepared.

“It’s kinda chilly out, Y/N, want my sweater??”

“I brought one, don’t worry!”

-.- *cue owl boi pouts*

And he doesn’t want you to wear something of his just because he asked. He wants to you want to wear his things. So he just waits. And pouts. And waits some more.

The day finally came when he was least expecting it. The gym that his game was in was freezing and you couldn’t imagine why. Most of the gyms they had played before in were pretty standard temperature but you were going to die if you stayed in the clothes you came in.

You had snuck onto the court while the boys were stretching, Akaashi smacking Bokuto in the head and interrupting his hype session to help him notice you.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a sweater with you, would you? It’s freezing!”

His eyes would widen. The day has finally arrived. He would finally get to see you in his clothes!!!!

But of course he has no sweater because he had not planned on needing one. Cue more sulking. Of course Akaashi comes over and offers his sweater and Bokuto almost bites his hand off.

“Well offer her your jacket then, idiot.” Akaashi just needs this man to hold off pouting till later. 

Bokuto’s jacket just looked so perfect on you and it was a nice way to keep warm. You cheered him on during the games and after some jaw-dropping move of his, he would turn to your direction and send you a kiss. Embarrassing? A little. But he was such a cutie, how could you deny his air kiss?

Wearing his clothes became more common after that and he will literally bring you his whole closet so you can pick your favourites.

Ushijima didn’t even wait for you to ask to give you his clothes. He probably folded up his hoodie or jacket for you before a game and placed it awkwardly on your lap or in your arms and you’re just like um... do you want me to put this away for you or?

“Would you wear it for me?” How can you say no??? His cheeks are just slightly going red and he’s avoiding your eyes a bit so of course you have to wear it.

Ushijima thinks you look so nice in his clothes and he really likes how happy you look when he asks you to wear something, so he keeps doing it. That and he knows that sometimes people ask you out during his matches and he likes knowing that they’ll recognize his school colours or his jersey number and at that moment, he will send a calculated glare in their direction. And they will run for the hills, never to bother you again :)

I feel like he’s accidentally shrunk his clothes in the wash before and he just keeps them in a small pile in his room so that you can wear them when you come over. He also buys you proper house slippers that you can wear around his home because he wants you to be as comfy as possible.

Sometimes when you guys are just standing around waiting for a game to start, or if you’re all done eating lunch, he’ll unzip his track jacket and open it up so you can stand there and hug him, and he’ll hug you back with his hands in the pockets so it’s like you’re in the jacket with him (Tendo has definitely zipped it up before and trapped you guys in an awkward hug like stance and he will continue to do this because he thinks it’s hilarious. Has definitely snapped pictures of it and sent it to Ushijima. Ushijima saved it because it was kinda cute).

#azumane asahi x reader #asahi azumane x reader #asahi x reader #asahi x you #asahi x y/n #asahi azumane #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama x you #kageyama x y/n #kageyama tobio #sugawara koushi #sugawara koushi x reader #sugawara x y/n #sugawara x you #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x you #tsukishima kei #bokuto x reader #bokuto kotaro #bokuto x y/n #bokuto x you #ushijima x reader #ushijima scenarios #ushijima x y/n #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima imagine #hq fluff #hq tsukishima

[viastro]

in a span of three months | joshua hong

ミ★ synopsis: in which you teach joshua how to live.

ミ★ genre: strangers to lovers!au, terminally ill!reader, angst, fluff, some humor

ミ★ warnings: mentions of depression (not mentioned heavily), implied suicidal thoughts and intention (very brief), major character death

���★ word count: 20,351

ミ★ pairings: joshua hong x gender neutral reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys ! here’s the longest oneshot i’ve ever written so i’d like to apologize in advance BSJKGBDKB i just wanted to mention that this isn’t necessarily realistic before you go into it, and that the reader’s illness is not mentioned in this oneshot as i didn’t want to explicitly list one. i hope you guys enjoy this oneshot, it’s my best work and i put a lot of time and effort into it <3

ミ★ taglist: @coppertrashi @magicalhannie @brinnalaine @minluvly @wonunuu @suhfluffy @shuajeong @euphorencia @imjustuhhvibing​ @minghao-will-be-the-death-of-me @shuahaeee @jaeyuni @sunflowergyeomie

january 2, 2021 

The date flashes back at you from your lockscreen, and a breath escapes you as you turn off your phone. Your leg bounces against the floor in anxiousness as you wait for him to tell you the results from your recent test.

“I’m sorry, yn.” You slowly look up towards your doctor, seeing the grave expression on his face. Your grip on the chair tightens when he folds his hands together, turning towards you. 

“We estimate that you only have three more months to live. We will give you medication…” The rest of his words are tuned out as your gaze falls down to the table, the sound of your heartbeat is loud against your ears. You bite the inside of your cheek, listening to it thrum. 

I’m dying, yet I can feel my heartbeat right now. I can hear it. It’s beating.

I’m alive.

You stand up from your chair when Dr. Park does, and you give him as bright of a smile as you can muster when you bow towards him. He stares at you with pity in his eyes, and you hate it.

You hate it so much.

“Eat whatever you want, do things you’ve always wanted to do. Live your life, yn. I’ll see you at your next appointment.” Dr. Park tells you, and you nod your head. Giving him a small smile, you grab your bag and walk out of the room, tightly squeezing the strap as you exit the hospital.

Once outside, you suck in a deep breath of air, having felt as if you were suffocating in that building the longer you were in it. Rubbing the back of your neck, you look over towards the Han River, seeing the Banpo bridge shine brightly during the night. 

Letting out a sigh, you head in the direction of the bridge, deciding to walk home rather than take the bus like you usually do. Your heart remains heavy as you look around at your surroundings, wondering what you should do during your last few months of living. 

It’s strange.

Having a known deadline on your own life.

As you make it onto the bridge, you turn your head to look out along the Han River as you walk. The slight wind from the water breezes past you during the night, and you somehow find that it’s the only thing able to calm you down from the raging storm within you. Letting out a small smile, you notice how pretty Seoul is at night.

With the city lights shining brightly back at you, the busy streets roaring with life even during the relatively late hours. The bright stars glowing down from the sky, surrounding the beautiful moon that reflects its light across the Han River. 

“Ah, life is beautiful.” You mutter softly, turning your head and looking forward. You raise an eyebrow when you see a blonde head of hair standing in front of the railing along the bridge, just staring out at the water. Coming to a stop, you stare at the person a few feet from you, wondering what they’re doing. 

Your eyes trail down to see his hands gripping the railing tightly, and you tilt your head at the sight. Taking a few steps forward, the man seems to have not noticed your presence. He just looks out across the water with a blank stare, the whites of his knuckles becoming more prominent when he tightens his grip again. At this point, you decide to interrupt.

“Hi.” You greet cheerfully, and the guy blinks out of his dazed state from the sound of your voice. He slowly turns his head towards you, and you feel warmth flood your face immediately at how ethereal this man is.

His platinum hair falls softly over his forehead, wisps of it flying up slightly due to the light wind. His deerlike eyes stare into yours, and you find that they emphasize his beautiful features that much more. However, the exhaustion is evident in his gaze.

“Hey.” The stranger replies, voice soft and airy, somehow matching his appearance even though he seems tired. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, stepping forward so that you’re now right beside him. His eyes widen slightly, before they relax to their normal size. He shrugs his shoulders, glancing over at the road when a car drives by. “Just standing on the bridge.”

You give him a close-lipped smile, tilting your head as you press on, “Why?” 

“Just cause.” 

You nod your head, turning around so that you can rest your forearms onto the railing. Raising your hand up, you rest your chin on the palm of your hand, letting out a sigh of content as you lay eyes on the beautiful scenery once again. The ethereal man turns to glance at you, wondering what you could possibly want.

“Live your life.” You say in a soft tone, and he simply blinks at you.

“What?” 

You turn your head towards the pretty man, “Life is short when you think about it. It can suck a lot of the time, as well as be unfair, but sometimes…” 

Your voice trails off as you look up at the stars, realizing just how small you are in this great, big universe. “Sometimes it can be beautiful.” 

The stranger tilts his head up and stares at the sky along with you, a comfortable silence settling over the two of you as you do so.

“I wish I could see it like you do.” You look over at him, finding that he’s still staring up at the sky. His breath is visible due to the cold temperatures, and you watch as he lets out a sigh. He turns towards you, giving you a heartbreaking smile, “Life hasn’t been kind to me.” 

The two of you stare into each other's eyes for a moment, and you find that you’re more similar than you originally thought. You feel the exact same way about life, and you’ve asked life for years, why you? Why did it have to be you? 

You could never find the answer.

And so, you smile at the stranger, who tilts his head at you, wondering how one can be so bright and cheerful. You reach into your pocket and pull out your phone, handing it towards him after you unlock it. He raises an eyebrow as he reaches out and takes it, “You know I could totally just take this and run, right?” 

You nod your head, letting out a quiet giggle that rings in the blonde’s ears. He finds the sound to be rather pleasant. “I know, but I have a feeling you’re not that type of person.”

He purses his lips, nodding his head in agreement. Glancing down at the cellular device, he sees your wallpaper, a photo of you holding a cat with a big smile on your face. His eyes trail back up towards your face, as if to ask what you want him to do with your phone. 

You sigh with a teasing look on your face, and you take the phone from his grasp, opening up the contacts menu before holding it back out towards him. “Put your number in.” 

The blonde’s eyes widen slightly, before he tentatively types in his number, handing it back to you. You grasp the phone in your hand, a breath leaving your lips when you finally learn his name.

“Why do you want my number?” He asks, and you look up from your phone, giving your new friend a smile. 

“Since life hasn’t been kind to you, I wanted to be.” You answer simply, and he stares into your eyes with an indecipherable emotion to them at your answer. 

After a moment, he turns his body towards the railing of the bridge again, staring out at the city without saying anything else. You follow suit, resting your forearms onto the cool metal as you breathe in the fresh air. 

“My name is yn.” You tell him in a soft voice, not expecting a response. A few minutes pass when you finally hear his voice say,

“My name is Joshua.” 

Joshua taps the eraser of his pencil onto his notebook, blankly staring off at the projector screen while he tunes out everything the professor is saying. The only thing on his mind is you, the person he met last week on the bridge. 

You haven’t contacted him yet, and he’s beginning to wonder if you were just a figment of his imagination. That deep down, he wanted to stay, so his consciousness created a positive person to appear right before him, convincing him to live another day.

“Yn.” Joshua whispers underneath his breath, and he tilts his head to the side, having not realized how nice your name was until this very moment. He only pays attention to the lecture when his professor announces the homework, and he quickly jots down the page numbers to read. Throwing his bag over his shoulder, he steps out of the auditorium and begins to walk off campus. 

Some university students would usually go and meet up with their friends after class to go and eat, or they’d go and meet their significant other to study together. Then there’s Joshua, who does neither of those things. 

“Hey Josh.” The blonde nods his head at his boss in greeting, letting the door close behind him as he walks over into the back to change. 

Everyday Joshua just goes through the motions, doing what he has to do to survive, as dramatic as that sounds. Go to uni, work a six hour shift to pay for his tuition, head home and study, then barely sleep. He wakes up the next day and does it all over again. 

Joshua has gotten used to the feeling of being numb.

He tiredly ties the apron onto his waist before going and washing his hands. The call of his name makes him glance up from the floor as he wipes his hands on a paper towel, his boss appears at the doorway, holding the notepad and pen towards him.

Joshua sends him a tight smile, stepping forward and taking the pen and paper from his hand. He feels himself get a pat on the back as his manager walks past him, and he lets out a breath, before walking out into the restaurant. 

His eyes trail over to two women seated at a booth, waiting for their orders to be taken. Joshua doesn’t feel like going over there yet, as the words you told him that night ring in his head. 

Live your life. 

Joshua scoffs quietly, remembering the bright smile you showed him. He looks down at the notepad in his hand, wondering how you could find life to be so beautiful when he’s never seen it that way. His head snaps up when he hears his name be called, and he immediately walks over to the table, clicking open the pen.

“Hi. What can I get started for you guys today?” 

“One sikhye please!” The woman nods her head at you, and you smile as you hand her the correct amount of money. She hands you your order number, and you walk over to the other side of the food stand, waiting to be called.

Your hands make their way into your pockets, your hand wrapping around your phone. Tilting your head, you remember the pretty blonde you met on the bridge. You suck in a deep breath of the cool air, looking up towards the sky to catch the beginning of the sunset. A smile makes its way onto your face at the different pink and orange hues of the sky.

You fail to notice the blonde head of hair looking in your direction, wondering how you always manage to have a smile on your face. It’s only when you feel that tingly feeling of someone staring at you that you look back down, turning your head to find those deerlike eyes boring into yours.

Your mouth drops open in surprise, and you grin happily, raising your hand up and waving towards the ethereal man. 

“Hi Jos-” You’re cut off when your order number gets called, and you hold up a finger at the blonde to signal him to wait, before quickly grabbing your sikhye and walking over to him. 

“Hi Joshua.” You finally greet properly, taking a tiny sip of the sweet rice drink as he stares at you quietly. He clicks his tongue, tilting his head at you, “You never texted me.” 

Pursing your lips at the fact that he was waiting, you slowly hold out the drink in apology. Joshua glances down at it, before looking back at you with a raise to his eyebrow. 

“Don’t you want it?”

“Take my apology drink.”

“But you just ordered this-”

“I can buy another one.” 

The corner of Joshua’s lip quirks up slightly, before he takes the drink from your grasp and takes a sip. You let out a smile, before pointing back towards the drink stand, “I’ll go buy myself another drink and then we can hangout.” 

You’re about to turn around when you feel a hand grasp your wrist, stopping you from walking over. Your eyes slowly glance down, before they trail back up to see Joshua staring at you, straw in his mouth as he takes another sip of the sikhye. 

He lets go of your wrist and walks over to the stand himself, ordering the drink for you. You’re left flabbergasted as he hands the employee his card, and you watch as a blush rises to the woman’s face the longer she communicates with the pretty man. 

Once he’s handed his order number, he walks back towards you, seeing the shocked look on your face. He raises his hand up and waves it in front of your face, and you finally look back into his eyes. 

“Why do you look so shocked?” Joshua asks, slightly biting on the straw as he awaits your response. Your mouth opens and closes, before you just let out a huff, reaching out and hitting Joshua’s arm softly. He still feigns pain, his hand reaching up and rubbing the area.

“Ow.”

You giggle at his reaction, “Thank you for the drink, Joshua. Except now I feel like the apology drink I gave you doesn’t count since you bought me one.” 

Joshua shrugs, looking back over towards the drink stand when he hears your order number be called. He shoots you a glance over his shoulder, “Consider it a gift.”

It’s only when Joshua walks back and hands you the sikhye that you wonder how he’s been doing. You stare at him for a moment as he places the receipt into his wallet, and you find that the darkness under his eyes is still evident. You even think they might be a bit darker than when you first saw him as he looks back up at you. 

“Is something on my face?” Joshua asks when he notices the furrow to your brow. Your eyes widen slightly and you shake your head, giving him a reassuring grin. “I just thought you were handsome.” 

Joshua’s mouth drops open at your honesty, while you internally panic at the fact that that was your coverup for staring at him. You watch as a tinge of pink appears on his cheeks, and you honestly find the sight so endearing that you have to look away. 

“Let’s go to the arcade!” You exclaim, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that you called him handsome as you point towards the colorful arcade down the block. Joshua raises an eyebrow, running a hand through his hair when he nods his head. “Okay.”

The two of you go on your way to the arcade, walking in a relative silence, the sounds of you both taking sips of your sikhye filling the quiet. Joshua pushes open the door for you, and you smile, nodding your head at him. 

“What a gentleman.” The blonde lets out a scoff at the nickname, and you giggle at his reaction once he steps inside after you. You both walk over to the machine that gives you the game card, and you quickly shove your credit card into the slot before Joshua can, effectively paying for the game card the two of you will share.

Joshua rolls his eyes as he takes another sip of his drink, “You should’ve let me pay for it.” 

You don’t respond, instead heading over to the racing games without another word. Joshua pauses when you glance over your shoulder with a smile, “Consider it a gift.” 

He watches as you skip towards the game with the motorcycle, the sight of your bright smile still imprinted in his brain. He shakes his head as if it’ll clear his thoughts, before following after you. 

Joshua’s head falls back onto his pillows as he stares up at the ceiling of his dark room, the comforter resting over him. 

He’s always had trouble sleeping. It started out by him sleeping later and later as he grew older, until he could only fall asleep at around 4 or 5 in the morning. 

Joshua’s eyes trail over to the window beside him, and he lets out a quiet huff when he sees that the moon isn’t shining back at him. The stars are a bit dim, but they’re still evident in the dark sky. 

He looks back up towards the ceiling, and he closes his eyes when the thought of your smile comes into mind again. 

Joshua glances at you when you let out another giggle, and he finds himself wondering for the nth time how you can be so happy. You rest your head onto his shoulder for a second while you laugh, and he freezes slightly at the contact.

“Your face when I beat you at air hockey was so funny.” You manage to say through your laughing fit, reaching up to cover your mouth with your hand in an attempt to stop more giggles from pouring through. Joshua rolls his eyes playfully, remembering how happy you were when you won the arcade game. 

“Was it really that funny?” Joshua asks, and you nod your head with an incredulous look on your face. He lets out a sigh, placing his hands into his pockets as he looks up towards the night sky. The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, just enjoying the scenery as you calm down from the joys of the arcade. 

You turn your head to look at the blonde, “Did you have fun tonight?” 

The blonde doesn’t respond right away, instead letting his head fall so that he’s now staring at the sidewalk while the two of you walk to the bus stop. You nod, understanding that he probably didn’t enjoy the games as much as you did. 

“It’s okay if you didn’t. I know a few people who don’t actually like arcades-”

“I enjoyed it.” Joshua answers, turning to look at you with a close-lipped smile on his face. He watches as your eyes practically sparkle back at him from the sight. “Really?” 

Joshua nods his head, and you raise your hands up to your warm face, feeling accomplished. He looks away from you as the two of you continue to walk, finding you to be rather endearing. Once the two of you make it to the bus stop, you turn around to face the ethereal man, giving him a bright smile that makes his heart stutter within his chest. 

“I’m happy you had fun, Joshua. I’ll make sure to text you this time!” You say happily as the bus pulls up, and you raise your hand up to wave at him. 

Joshua keeps his hands in his pockets once you turn around and head onto the bus. He watches as you walk towards the window seat, immediately pulling open the window once you sit down. You give him another smile and a wave, and he tilts his head at you. 

It’s only when the bus pulls away from the curb that Joshua raises his hand up and waves back at you. 

Joshua’s eyes glance over to the window again, and he decides that you were brighter than all of the stars in the sky tonight. 

He manages to fall asleep earlier this time, around 2 am. 

Your smile was the last thing on his mind before he did so. 

Joshua sits at his desk, mindlessly doing his homework as the soft guitar instrumental plays in the background of his room. He taps the eraser against his bottom lip, before pressing the led onto the paper again.

The sound of his phone receiving a notification captures his attention, and he glances down at the cool metal, seeing an unfamiliar number. He slides up on his lockscreen and reads the message.

you: joshua ! it’s me yn >:D

The blonde lets out a breathless chuckle, lifting up his phone and sending a response back.

joshua: so you actually texted me this time

you: don’t make me feel bad ! D: i was busy after i met you that night 

i gave you my sikhye last week to make up for it !

The corner of Joshua’s lips quirks upwards at your use of emoticons, knowing that you most likely pouted as you typed the message.

joshua: it was very good

you: i know right

anyways, do you wanna hangout later today? i wanna go to the park to take pictures when the sun sets

joshua: so you’re using me as your professional photographer

you: of course :3

joshua: pft

you: see you at around 5 <3333

joshua: i’ll see you

The blonde sets down his phone, running a hand through his hair as he looks out his window. The blue skies stare back at him, and he watches as a few birds fly past. His eyes trail back over towards his laptop, and he sighs. 

“I’ll finish this assignment before I start to get ready.” 

It’s only a few hours later that Joshua’s walking towards the park, hands in his pockets as he listens to the sound of life around him. He looks around at his surroundings, about to enter the park entrance when he catches sight of a tteokbokki stand.

He watches as a couple hands the lady some money, before she prepares their bowls that will hold the yummy rice cake. He specifically eyes the mozzarella cheese she layers over it, and Joshua suddenly wonders when he became hungry.

“I wonder if yn would want some.” Joshua mutters to himself, tilting his head the longer he debates on whether or not to spend his money.

He fails to notice you standing not too far from him, smiling as you watch him practically waddle in place as he stares at the food stand. You walk up to the blonde, reaching out and resting your hands on both of his arms, peering over his shoulder.

“Are you hungry?” Joshua chokes on his saliva at your sudden appearance, causing you to double over in laughter and apologies as you try to help him breathe properly. He squints at you when he finally regains his composure, still clearing his throat as he pats his chest. 

“I’m literally so fucking sorry.” His eyes turn into slits at your apology, watching as your shoulders shake from the laughter you’re trying to hold back. Joshua gently pushes you with his hand, before turning around and walking into the park, tteokbokki now forgotten.

“Joshua! I’m sorry!” You laugh from behind, walking faster in order to catch up to him. Joshua doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t pick up his pace either, instead letting you hurry to his side. You smile at him, peeking your head in front of his face so that he can look at you. “Do you forgive me?”

“You thought me choking was funny.” 

“True.” You admit, and Joshua scoffs at your answer, rolling his eyes teasingly as he nudges you with his shoulder again. You grin happily, nudging him back as you pull out your phone from your pocket. 

“The sun is setting which means we probably only have 20 minutes to take the best sunset photos known to man. You’re my designated photographer today, remember?” Joshua begrudgingly takes the phone from your grasp, and you walk onto the relatively empty field of grass, raising your arms up towards the sky. The blonde just lets out a sigh loud enough for you to hear as he goes onto the camera app, 

“Ah, what a tragic life I live.” 

“You should be happy that you’re photographing such beauty!” You shout, and the corner of Joshua’s lip quirks up when he sees the furrow to your brow. He lifts up the phone so that you’re in frame, but peeks his head out from behind it.

“Do you want me to just take a billion photos?” He asks, and you give him a thumbs up. The blonde nods his head, going back into photographer mode as he starts to take photos of you. 

You’re quite surprised at how seriously Joshua’s taking this photography gig, with the way he’s angling the camera and the straight face he has on. You find yourself giggling at the sight, causing the blonde to pause when he sees your smile through the camera. 

Your eyes widen slightly when you see him stiffen, realizing your laughter might’ve accidentally thrown him off his game, “Was my giggling bad? Sorry!”

Joshua shakes his head immediately at your apology, lowering your phone from his face so that you can see him properly. It’s as if your heart stops when you do look at him.

His platinum hair is flowing a bit with the wind, similar to when you first met him that night on the bridge. His deerlike eyes are boring into yours, and you find a tinge of pink dusting across his cheeks as he runs a hand through his hair. 

Joshua hides his face behind your phone again, wanting to capture your reaction when he says, 

“Don’t apologize. Your smile is pretty.”

Your mouth drops open at the compliment, having not received one from the past couple weeks of knowing the man. Joshua captures the moment on your phone, a breath leaving his lips when he sees a smile make its way onto your face. 

“Thank you.” You mutter, radiance to your features as you start posing again underneath the sky painted with various shades of pink and purple. He nods his head as he continues to capture more photos of you, silently wondering how he finds you to be prettier than the beautiful sunset behind you.

“No problem.”

You stare into those lovely brown eyes with a determined look on your face, making the blonde raise an eyebrow at you in confusion. He reaches his hand out towards you, and you stare at it, wondering what he’s going to do. 

“Ow!”

It only results in you rubbing your forehead with a glare, while Joshua just goes back to drinking his coffee—now happy about flicking your forehead. You slam your fists gently onto the wooden table, and the ethereal man just stares at you in silence.

“You know what we should do?” You ask, and Joshua stays quiet, knowing you’re going to answer the question anyways. A grin makes its way onto your face as you give him jazz hands, “Go to the store so that I can buy groceries because my fridge is low.” 

Joshua lets out a sigh, giving you an unimpressed look as he turns to face out the window. He’s not surprised, really. The last time the two of you hung out was just Joshua accompanying you to the library so that you wouldn’t have to return your books alone.

“Come on! I’ll buy you any snacks you want while we’re there. Besides, grocery shopping is fun.” Joshua continues to sip from his drink, somehow not surprised that you find restocking your food supply to be fun either.

“Well, more fun when you’re with someone at least.” You correct, and the blonde finally peeks at you, seeing the knowing smile on your face. He glances out the window, shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to appear indifferent. “As long as you buy me the snacks I want.”

“Of course, Joshua. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t buy you your favorite snacks?”

“No, not those snacks. Those are expensive.” Joshua just stares at you in silence, bag of chips in hand as he watches you reach out towards the off-brand version. You pick up the bag, holding it out towards the pretty man and waving it for good measure. “These are cheaper and taste the same. Trust me, Joshua.”

“You told me that you’d buy the snacks I wanted if I went grocery shopping with you.” Joshua mutters with a pout to his lips, and you simply flash him an apologetic smile as you toss the bag into the cart while taking the original one from his grasp and returning it. The blonde scoffs, nudging you with his shoulder, and you giggle as you walk off towards the next aisle. “Yes, but we’re on a budget here.” 

Joshua pushes the cart after you, listening contently as you explain what you’re missing at your apartment and what food you should make for dinner. His eyes follow your movements as you gesture with your hands, now explaining a story of how you almost set your toy kitchen on fire when you were younger. 

Your eyes twinkle underneath the fluorescent light, and your lips are turned upwards in a warm smile as you look back on the memory. Your voice is soft but cheerful as you tell him about the memory while throwing in some items into the cart, and Joshua finds that there’s a lump in his throat as he watches you giggle.

You turn your head to look at the blonde, just to find his pretty eyes staring at you with an indecipherable emotion in them. Feeling warmth flood your face from his stare, you look down at the cart to place the box of tea in your hands. 

“What’s on your mind?” You ask, proceeding to walk out of the aisle to go to the bread section. Joshua stays quiet for a moment, staring at your fingers peeking out of your sweater paws as your arms swing back and forth.

When you don’t hear a response, you move to glance back at him, only to pause when he pushes the cart forward so that he’s now walking right beside you. Joshua raises his hand up and fondly pats your head, making your eyes widen at the sweet gesture. 

You slowly turn towards him, just to find the smallest hint of a smile on his face. Warmth floods your face at the lovely sight, and you can’t help but feel slightly disappointed when Joshua’s hand falls back onto the cart handle. 

The two of you gaze into each other's eyes in silence for a moment, and you begin to wonder when that hint of a sparkle began to show in Joshua’s eyes over the last month of the two of you hanging out. He turns away when he feels the tips of his ears turn red, looking over towards the bread aisle. You watch as he takes a step forward with the cart as he suddenly says,

“Let’s get this bread.” 

You let out a loud laugh at the old meme, startled at the fact that Joshua even said that as you follow after him. 

As Joshua watches you choose the bread you want while also picking out some cookies for the two of you to share on the way to your apartment, he finds himself feeling content for the first time in a long time. 

“Hope you enjoy it.” Joshua says as he places the last dish onto the table, giving the customers a tight smile before walking back over to the register. He rests his head into his hands, grimacing at the oncoming migraine he knows will come later in the hour. 

He peeks through his fingers to look at the clock, seeing that he’s still on shift for another three hours. The blonde lets out a quiet groan, wondering if his boss has any aspirin he could possibly take.

The sound of the bells chiming from the door opening is what has him look up, trying to mask the pain from his headache as he stares towards the entrance. His eyes widen slightly when he sees you standing there, a bright smile on your face as you wave at the pretty man. 

“Yn?”

You quickly walk up towards Joshua, feeling happy that you were able to come visit him during his shift. You slam your hand on the counter that keeps the two of you separated, while raising ₩20,000 towards his face with your other. Joshua simply raises an eyebrow at you, wondering why you look so determined.

“I’ll have your favorite dish from here and for you to eat it with me during your break.” 

“Are you trying to buy me, yn? My favorite dish is only 7,000 won-” 

“Now don’t make me sound like a bad person! You should be grateful I’m buying us food—your favorite nonetheless.” You whine, and Joshua just chuckles at the pout to your lips. You squint when he doesn’t take the money from you, only for your mouth to drop open in protest when you see him pull out his card.

“Joshua!”

“I’ll pay for the meal. It’ll keep me safe since you wanted to buy me-”

“I did not!” You laugh, watching as the receipt comes out from the printer after he pays for the meal. He places his card back into his wallet, before motioning towards a booth near the wall. “Go sit down, I’ll let my boss know I’m going on my 30.” 

You nod your head, walking over to the booth and sitting down on the rather worn out cushions. While you wait for Joshua, you rest your head onto your arms over the table, closing your eyes. A sad smile forms on your face when you hear your heartbeat in your ears, a reminder that your time left here is dwindling. 

It’s been a month and a few days since you found out about your ill-fate on that cold, January night. 

However, you haven’t found yourself thinking about your inevitable doom as often as you thought you would. Instead, you’ve been spending your days hanging out with Joshua, and using your nights to plan out the next place the two of you should go to.

You don’t know when you decided to spend your last three months trying to help Joshua see the beauty in life.

But as you look up from the table and see his pretty eyes starting to sparkle at you when he places the food down onto the surface, the corners of his lips quirking upwards as he explains how his boss was teasing him,

You realize that you wouldn’t want to spend them any other way.

The two of you walk down the street side by side, taking sips of the sikhye you bought for the both of you to make up for the meal. The comfortable silence is settled over you guys like a blanket, not needing any words to be able to spend time with each other contently.

You take a peek at the beautiful man, suddenly noticing that the dark eye bags that once adorned his features have diminished significantly. The roots of his platinum hair are beginning to grow, but it seems like he doesn’t really care. 

You wouldn’t care if you looked like Joshua, either.

He’s too pretty.

“Who?” 

God fucking damn it.

You immediately look away from Joshua’s curious gaze, warmth flooding your face at the fact that you just blatantly announced that he was too pretty when the two of you were walking in a relatively comfortable silence. 

“Cha Eunwoo from Astro.” You lie, and the blonde nods his head in agreement after a moment, turning back to face the front. Silence falls over the two of you again, and you’re incredibly grateful that he didn’t ask more questions.

But you also find yourself a bit disappointed at the lack of them.

When the two of you end up at the front of your apartment building, you both turn towards each other to say your goodbyes. However, as the streetlight lays over Joshua’s blonde hair, almost mimicking the appearance of a halo, you realize you don’t really want the night to end.

“Thank you for visiting me at work, yn. Make sure to text me when you get into your apartment.” Joshua tells you with his soft voice. You hum in response, shifting from one foot to another. “Thank you for the food. I’ll try to visit more.” 

Joshua nods his head, raising his hand up to send you a tentative wave. “I’ll see you later, yn.” 

You smile softly, waving back at him as he turns around and starts to walk away. An internal battle goes on inside you as you try to figure out what you want to do, watching as his figure gets smaller as the distance grows between you.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you shout out:

“Do you wanna come in and watch a movie with me?!”

Joshua pauses at the question, like, physically and mentally freezes. His eyes are wide as he stares at the pavement, and he wonders why his heart is beating so fast in his chest at the question. There’s a small breeze that passes the both of you, and you bite your bottom lip.

The silence is deafening.

Joshua slowly turns to glance at you, and you feel your heart sink slightly at the shocked expression on his face. You’ve come to realize as the two of you look at each other, that you asking him to come in was a mistake. So you open your mouth to tell him he doesn’t have to,

“Okay.” Your mouth remains open at his answer, believing that you must’ve just imagined him agreeing to your suggestion. 

And so you respond, “Heh?”

Joshua huffs, walking over so that the two of you are only a foot apart. He squints at you, and you furrow your eyebrows in response to the expression on his face.

“Yes. I’ll come in and watch a movie with you.” 

“Oh.” 

The two of you stare at each other for another moment. With you just gauging what he said while Joshua stands in silence, amusement and shyness written across his features. 

You suddenly let out a gasp, the fact that he said yes now sinking in as you step over towards the entrance and slide your card so that the doors will open. Joshua chuckles at the obvious embarrassment on your face when the doors finally open and you gesture towards the inside of the lobby.

“Let’s go up.” You say with a tight smile, and the blonde nods his head, following after you as the doors shut behind the both of you. 

The way to your apartment is rather quiet, except for the quiet chuckles Joshua lets out whenever he glances at you and you having to elbow him in the stomach. 

When you finally unlock your door and the two of you step inside, you suddenly realize all of your medication that you have to hide. You turn to face Joshua as he slips off his shoes and steps into the pair of slippers you have for guests, and his beautiful eyes land on you, signaling that you have his attention.

“You can go and sit on the couch, I just need to tidy up a bit.” The blonde nods his head, watching as you scurry off to your bedroom, shutting the door behind you. He lets out a breath, before walking over towards the couch, gaze travelling around your cozy apartment. 

His eyes latch onto a framed photo on the table next to the couch, and he carefully picks it up, feeling warmth flood his chest at the sight. 

You’re standing underneath a fully bloomed cherry blossom tree, a bright smile on your face as you look at the camera. Your arms are lifted up towards the sky in excitement, a habit of yours that Joshua has noticed in the month that he’s known you. 

He gently places the photo back down onto the table when he hears your bedroom door open, and he looks over to see you now dressed in a set of strawberry pajamas. The sight is so precious to behold that Joshua lets out a soft smile, and your eyes widen when you see it.

He smiled. This is the first time you’ve seen him smile.

“Are my pajamas funny to you?” You squeak out in an attempt to not make him uncomfortable by mentioning his smile. Holding back from slapping yourself at your strange tone, you just watch as Joshua nods his head, an emotion akin to warmth flooding his beautiful eyes as he stares at you. 

“I expected nothing less from you, yn.” Joshua responds softly, and you find no sign of teasing in his voice. You cough into your shoulder, breaking the eye contact as soon as you feel heat rush up to your face. Reaching out towards the remote, you turn on the TV and point towards the couch. 

“Go sit and choose a movie, I’ll go and get us some snacks.” You tell the blonde, and he plops down onto the worn out sofa as you walk into your kitchen. His eyes trail after you for a moment, before he turns back to the TV and starts scrolling through your Netflix.

You come back a few minutes later with snacks in hand, just to smile at the movie he chose. Joshua glances towards you, quietly thanking you for the snacks as you settle down beside him, making sure to place a bit of distance between the two of you. 

“Have you watched this?” Joshua asks as he takes a bite of popcorn, and you nod your head, turning to him with a grin. “A Silent Voice is one of my favorite movies.” 

Joshua’s mouth drops open into an ‘o’ shape, before suggesting if you want to choose another movie. You shake your head, instead grabbing the remote from the table and pressing play. 

“You chose it, so we’re going to watch it.” You mumble, leaning back into the couch and taking a sip of your water. The blonde’s eyes linger on you as the opening of the movie plays, wondering how one person could be so kind, so bright. 

You feel Joshua’s eyes on you. You know that he’s staring at you. 

But you know that your heart would just go feral and your face would turn warm if you look back. So you blindly reach out towards him with your hand, turning his head to face the TV instead. You retract your hand afterwards, a small smile on your face as you notice Joshua shaking his head in disbelief at your actions.

“Watch the movie.” You mutter, warmth flooding your cheeks as you try to appear indifferent. The blonde takes another bite of popcorn before turning back towards the TV, trying to suppress his chuckles.

The two of you watch the movie in silence, except to offer each other snacks or to shit on one of the characters you each dislike. 

It’s nice. Joshua thinks to himself at one point, turning to glance at you when you giggle at a specific scene. He looks back at the TV, biting back a small smile from forming on his face, This is nice.

When the movie hits the 45 minute mark, Joshua finds that you haven’t been taking any sips of your water or stealing some pieces of his popcorn. He’s about to comment on one of the characters when he feels a weight slump onto his shoulder. 

“Yn?” Joshua asks quietly, turning his head to look down at you. Your eyes are closed, mouth slightly open as you release puffs of air. He lets out a smile when he realizes you fell asleep, reaching out and patting your head softly. 

“Silly.” He mumbles, before taking a glance at the clock and sees that it’s already midnight. The blonde carefully grabs the remote that sits on the table and turns off the TV, before moving the snacks and drinks off the couch to the best of his ability as he tries not to wake you up.

Once he’s done with that, he carefully settles you down onto the cushions so that you’re laying comfortably. He takes the throw blanket from the back of the couch and lays it over your body. Letting out a breath once he’s finished, he grins at the angelic expression on your face as you sleep peacefully.

“I’ll see you later, yn.” Joshua says softly, before turning around to walk towards your door. 

Except for the hand that grasps onto his own, preventing him from taking another step. 

He slowly turns to glance down at you, seeing you with your eyes still closed, hand holding onto his. Joshua makes a move to carefully release the grip you have on him, but freezes when you say in a soft voice,

“Stay.” 

Joshua stares at you, unsure of what to do as you continue to hold his hand. 

“You don’t want me to stay, yn.” Joshua mutters, an indecipherable feeling flooding him when your grip on his hand tightens a bit. 

“Stay with me, Joshua.” 

And so he does. 

He scoots you over on the couch, wondering whether or not he’s gonna fall to his inevitable doom during the middle of the night as the two of you can hardly fit on the small surface. Carefully, he lays onto his back, staring up at your ceiling as silence fills the room, the fuzzy throw blanket covering you both. 

You turn over so that you’re facing him, and your hand falls onto his stomach. The blonde just listens to the sound of your steady breathing, wondering how you fell asleep so fast as he feels himself beginning to become drowsy. After a few minutes, his eyes softly fall shut, breathing now matching your own.

Joshua finds that sleep comes easier tonight.

You’re seated on the bench, waiting for Joshua to arrive as you stare at the date on your phone.

february 17, 2021

Letting out a breath at the harsh reality check, you tap your shoe against the pavement, turning off your phone to look out towards the road.

You have a month and a half left. 

“When did time move so fast? Whenever I was in the hospital it moved so slow.” You mutter, a sad smile gracing your features as you look around at all the people walking past you. Turning your head, you suddenly lock eyes with those  deerlike eyes you’ve come to know. 

Your once sad smile turns into one of pure joy as you stand up from the bench, waving your hands excitedly as Joshua walks over to you. The blonde reaches out and pats your head in greeting once he’s a foot away, and you chuckle in response, ignoring the fact that your heart rate is a bit faster now.

“How were classes?” You ask as the two of you begin walking towards the cat café. Joshua mentioned in passing a week ago that he wanted to go to a cat café, so you set up a reservation for the two of you. 

The blonde purses his lips, realizing that he’s been enjoying attending classes a bit more as of recently. You gaze at him expectantly, grinning when Joshua simply just nods his head and looks back at you. “It was alright. I was excited thinking about the cat café though, so I’ll probably have to add some stuff to my notes later.” 

“I expected you to be more of a dog person, if I’m being honest.” You state, and Joshua looks back towards the front, letting out a small grin. 

“I am.” 

“Then what are we doing going to a cat café that I made reservations for a week prior?” 

The blonde shrugs his shoulders, turning to you with mirth filling his pretty eyes. He motions towards your phone, and you raise an eyebrow, raising it up so that the two of you can see it as it unlocks. Your mouth drops open when you see your homescreen, the photo of you and your old friend’s cat that was taken a couple years back, and all the pieces suddenly come together. 

“Joshua! Did you only say you wanted to go to a cat café because you knew I liked cats? That ruins the whole purpose of this-” 

Joshua cuts you off by simply holding open the door to the cat café, and you blink in a state of stunned silence, having not realized that the two of you have already arrived. He chuckles, “I’m a dog person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like cats. I’ve always wanted to go to one, so hurry up and go in.”

Pursing your lips, you walk into the café, but not without poking the middle of Joshua’s stomach as you do so, letting out a satisfied grin at the sound of his quiet squeak. Your mouth immediately drops open when a black and white cat snuggles up to your legs, and you kneel down, petting the soft fur as you let out inaudible excited sounds. 

Joshua lets the door close behind him, the sound of the bells attached to the door letting out a little ring throughout the café. He glances down, seeing you happily petting the cats before the two of you have even ordered. 

“Yn, I’ll go order for us.” Joshua tells you, and you simply nod your head without a verbal response, still softly squealing as more cats walk up to you. The blonde lets out a breath, shaking his head with the hint of a smile on his face as he heads over to the register to place your guys’ order.

You regretfully stand up from the floor, hoping the cats will follow you as you walk over to the table you reserved. You sit down in the booth, watching as Joshua converses with the employee as he orders the food and drinks. 

Resting your chin on the palm of your hand, you smile fondly when Joshua glances around to find you. Your heart warms when his eyes finally land on you, a grin forming on his face as he walks over to you. 

“There was a cat laying on the table behind the employee at the register. He was so cute, I hope he comes over to our table.” Joshua tells you as soon as he sits down into the seat across from you, placing the receipt onto the wooden surface. You open your mouth to respond, only to let out a quiet squeal when a cat jumps onto the empty space beside you. 

“Hi pretty!” You greet, sparkles in your eyes as the cat nuzzles against your hand, asking for more pets. Joshua smiles at the sight, unlocking his phone and taking a photo of you happily petting the tabby cat. The sound of the camera shutter catches your attention, and you turn to glance at the source, seeing Joshua smiling fondly down at his phone screen. 

“Did you take a photo of me playing with the beautiful cat?” You ask with a teasing grin on your face, not expecting an answer from the pretty man. You stroke the cat’s head fondly, only for your hand to stutter when Joshua says, 

“You looked cute.” 

A brief moment of silence passes between you, with Joshua staring at his phone, and you listening to your heart beat against your ears as warmth floods your face. Your brain tries to formulate a response, but it can only form inaudible screeching noises. So instead, you turn your head to glance at the blonde, only for your eyes to widen when you see a fluffy grey cat trying to get his attention.

“Joshua!” 

“What?” He asks, looking up at you when he hears the urgency in your tone. You point towards the cat sitting patiently beside his chair, and Joshua furrows his eyebrows in confusion, turning to where you pointed, only for his eyes to widen when he locks eyes with the cat.

“You followed me from the register!” Joshua exclaims in a soft voice, reaching down to pick up the cat. You let out a bright smile as Joshua coos at the precious animal, petting the cat softly as his eyes sparkle with joy.

“Yn, this is the cat I wanted to show you.” He tells you, letting out a soft chuckle when the cat nuzzles his head into Joshua’s chest. You nod your head, about to respond when the waitress walks up to your guys’ table and begins to place your order down onto the surface. 

“Thank you so much!” You say, and the waitress gives you a smile, bowing her head in response. She makes a move to leave, only to stop when she sees you and Joshua continue to play with the cats that stayed near you both. 

“Would you like me to take a photo of the two of you?” You and Joshua pause, both turning to glance at the waitress as she stands by your table, a knowing smile on her face. 

You and Joshua don’t have a single photo together in the month and a half that you’ve known each other. You’re not sure how he feels about his photo being taken, as he’s usually the one behind the camera rather than in front of it when the two of you are together.

Taking a peek at Joshua to see his reaction, you notice the indecipherable look on his face, and that’s how you know his answer. You give the waitress a small smile, moving to open your mouth when you see Joshua’s hand outstretched towards her through your peripheral vision. 

You turn your head to look at him, only to see that he’s giving her a grin, phone in hand as he nods his head. “That’d be nice, thank you.” 

Joshua lifts up the cat in his lap and stands up from his chair, taking a step forward and sitting down in the booth beside you. You continue to stare at him in silence, the slight shock evident on your features when he finally turns to glance at you. He gives you a soft smile, before pointing towards the waitress preparing to take your guys’ photo. 

“Say cheese!” She says, but you continue to stare at Joshua, watching as he smiles at the camera, raising the cat’s paw as if he’s saying hello. Warmth floods your heart as you turn towards the camera, a bright smile on your face as you hold up your cat’s paw as well, matching Joshua’s pose.

As you lay in bed hours later, you turn your head towards your bedside table when you hear the vibration of your phone. Reaching out, you pick up the cool metal, seeing a few messages from Joshua.

joshushushu: [attachment 4 images] 

thank you for taking me to the cat café :3

i think you’re some sort of cat whisperer based on how many cats came up to our table lol

it’s late, so you’re probably asleep

i’ll text you in the morning ^^

sweet dreams, yn

You tap on the images Joshua sent, and you let out a smile when you see the first photo is of you smiling happily down at the tabby cat, softly petting her head. Downloading the image, your thumb swipes across the screen, and you feel warmth flood your face at the fact that it’s the photo of the two of you. Except you’re not staring at the camera.

You’re staring at Joshua.

There’s a fond smile on your face, eyes sparkling brightly at him as he smiles at the camera, seemingly having no idea of the fact that you’re staring at him rather than the camera. Biting the inside of your cheek, you download the image and swipe to the left, now seeing the photo of both you and Joshua smiling at the camera, a cat paw in hand as you each make them wave for the photo. 

You download the photo before swiping to the left one more time, and your breath hitches when you lay eyes on the image.

You’re laughing happily down at the tabby cat who was protesting the grabbing of the paws for the photo, not paying attention to posing anymore. While Joshua is now staring at you, the softest of smiles on his face as he watches you laugh with the cat. 

You let out a shaky breath, zooming into the photo and seeing that he really is looking at you. 

He’s looking at you as if you’re the most precious thing in the world.

You download the image, a small smile on your face as you go to your settings and replace the homescreen you’ve had for the last two years, exiting the app to now see the photo of you and Joshua as your wallpaper. The warmth from the photo covers you like a blanket, and you turn off your phone, placing it back down onto your bedside table. 

You roll over onto your side and close your eyes, ignoring the harsh reality check that’s looming in the back of your mind in order to try and retain that happy feeling.

You fall asleep with lingering thoughts of pretty cats and Joshua Hong’s smile.

“Thank you, have a good rest of your day.” Joshua says warmly as he hands the to-go bag to the customer. She gives him a smile, reaching into her pocket to take out ₩15,000 and place it onto the table. The blonde’s eyes widen slightly, and he looks back up at her in a stunned silence, as if to ask if she really means it. 

The woman nods her head, “You deserve it. Thank you for the food.” 

Joshua watches as she leaves the restaurant, still shocked as he watches her figure disappear out the door. He glances back down at the ₩15,000, reaching out and picking it up from the counter, eyeing the money for a moment. 

“I’ve been working here for six months.” Joshua mutters quietly, taking the ₩15,000 and placing it into his apron. He lets out a grateful smile, grabbing the spray bottle and towel to go and clean some tables. 

It was the first tip he’s ever received.

“See you on Friday!” Joshua calls out as he pushes back the curtain to exit the kitchen, only to stop and turn back when he hears his boss call out to him. The older man walks over to Joshua, grinning and resting a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. 

“I just wanted to tell you that you look great lately.” Joshua raises an eyebrow, wondering what could’ve changed. He does a onceover of his own appearance, and his boss lets out a laugh, shaking his head. 

“I mean you in general. You look happier, brighter even. I’m happy for you.” Joshua blinks in surprise, before letting out a small smile. He bows his head as his thanks, and his boss pats his shoulder once more and turns around to walk back towards his office. 

Joshua lets out a breath, before closing the curtain behind him and walking over towards the exit. He tilts his head, “How does a person look happy?” 

He pushes open the doors and moves to step out from under the cover, only to pause when he registers the rain falling onto the road. He sighs, glancing down at his empty hands, cursing himself for not bringing an umbrella. 

“Guess I have to sprint-”

“Joshua!” The blonde’s eyebrows furrow at the voice, and he looks up, seeing you hurrying over with a bright yellow umbrella. It’s a stark contrast to the rather gloomy atmosphere and all the black umbrellas around you. His heart rate picks up at the sight of your smile, watching as you make your way over until you’re standing a couple feet away from him.

“How’d you know I forgot my umbrella?” Joshua asks teasingly as you hand him the yellow umbrella, taking it from your grasp and holding it over the two of you as you begin to walk down the sidewalk. 

“Had an intuition.” You answer with a grin, and he rolls his eyes. The two of you update each other on how your days were, chuckles exchanged as you explain how you made the best kimchi fried rice of your life. 

“You should make it for me sometime.” Joshua says, and you peek at him, smiling and nodding your head. 

“Of course, Joshua.” 

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, walking close beside each other in order to fit under your small umbrella. It’s when you’re close to Joshua’s apartment, and the streets are relatively quiet, that Joshua glances over and notices your hand sticking out of the umbrella. He watches in silence as you let the rain hit your skin, moving your hand as if it were a wave in the ocean.

“Your hand is getting wet.” Joshua points out, and you pause, turning to him as warmth rushes to your face at the fact that he caught you. You give him a bashful smile, nodding your head as you let your arm fall back to your side. “Yeah.” 

“Why?” You notice that he looks genuine, there’s no teasing tone in his voice, no mirth in his gaze as he stares at you. He just wants to know why you were letting your own arm get wet. You break the eye contact, looking down at the ground as the two of you continue to walk. 

“I just realized I’ve never played in the rain before.” 

Joshua stares at you for a moment longer, having not seen you so shy about something you wanted to do before. He lets out a breath, turning away as he reaches up and closes the yellow umbrella, promptly removing the shield that had been protecting the two of you from the rain.

Your eyes widen as you feel the rain hit you, and you turn your head, seeing Joshua place your umbrella down on the sidewalk. He looks back towards you, raising an eyebrow when he sees the shocked expression on your face. 

Joshua simply just closes his eyes and tilts his head up towards the sky, outstretching his arms as he feels the rain soak his clothes. That’s all you need to see for a smile to finally form on your face, and you let out a laugh, raising your arms into the air and spinning around. 

Joshua opens his eyes when he hears your laugh, and he looks over at you—only to feel his breath get taken away. The rain falls softly from the sky, landing on you as you laugh happily, a bright smile on your face. Time seems to slow down as he stares at you, heart stuttering in his chest as he watches you spin around, pure joy radiating from your features. 

He’s reminded of the first time the two of you met on the Banpo bridge almost two months ago, when you told him that life was beautiful and he didn’t understand how you could see it that way.

“I wish I could see it like you do.” Joshua mutters, and you look over at him, finding that he’s still staring up at the sky. His breath is visible due to the cold temperatures, and you watch as he lets out a sigh. He turns towards you, giving you a heartbreaking smile, “Life hasn’t been kind to me.” 

As Joshua watches you dance in the rain, he realizes that he finally understands what you mean. 

Life is beautiful.

You lay in bed, still shivering even after having taken a hot shower as soon as you finished dancing in the rain with Joshua a couple hours prior. With a shaking hand, you pull up the comforter closer to your chin, wondering when you’ve become so frail, weak you should say.

“At least Joshua hasn’t noticed anything.” You mumble, knowing that your time left is short as you’ve been feeling more tired as the days go by. Rolling over, you look out the window to try and get sleepy, seeing the moon staring back at you. 

Your hand slips out of the covers, reaching out and grasping the air as you tried to reach for the moon. Letting your arm fall back onto the bed, you let out a breath.

You always wondered if you’d ever be able to reach the moon and the stars when you were younger. 

“Yn?” Turning your head, you see Joshua standing by the door to his bedroom. His blonde hair falls softly over his forehead, almost hiding his pretty eyes from sight. You watch as he walks over, reaching out and resting his hand over your head when he notices you shivering. 

“Do you want another blanket? You’re shivering.” Giving him a soft smile, you shake your head as you simply pull the comforter up more. 

“Why are you still awake?” You ask, and he stares at you for a moment. 

The corner of his lips quirk upwards, “I should be asking you the same thing.” 

“Touché.”

Joshua chuckles, patting your head fondly before pointing back towards the bedroom door. You peek through the doorway, seeing his dark living room. “I’ll go back to the couch. I just wanted to check on you.” 

It’s when he’s about to leave that you reach out and grasp his wrist softly, promptly stopping him from taking another step. He turns to look back at you, seeing the same shy look on your face that he saw earlier. 

He’s reminded of the night where the two of you slept on the couch a few weeks prior, having experienced this exact scenario before. 

“Mm?” You bite the inside of your cheek, not wanting to respond. Instead, you weakly pull him towards you, and he takes a few steps towards your bedside. 

The two of you stare at each other for a moment in silence, numerous questions flooding your guys’ brain as you do so. However, you can only bring yourself to mutter out one word.

“Stay.” 

Joshua’s stare doesn’t waver, and you feel yourself growing more embarrassed the longer you wait for his response. You fully believe that he’s going to say no with the way he doesn’t hold your hand in return, and your belief comes true when he lets your hand fall back to the bed. 

It shouldn’t hurt. You know that you shouldn’t have gotten attached to him, or let him become so close to you. 

You’re going to die anyways.

Joshua turning down your request is for the best. It means there are still barriers between the two of you, that the last time you woke up with his arms wrapped around you was just a moment of weakness. That it won’t happen again.

The regret pools in your heart as you watch him turn and walk away, and you wonder whether or not you should apologize for even asking him in the first place.

Only for your eyes to widen when you see him walk to the other side of the bed, pulling up the comforter and climbing in. He arranges his pillows, before laying down and turning over onto his side, now facing you. 

You stare at him in shock, and he squints at you in amusement. The blonde reaches out and pokes your forehead, snapping you out of your surprised state. He chuckles, “You asked me to stay, so I’m staying.” 

A smile finally makes its way onto your face, and Joshua lets out a breath at the sight. The moonlight rests over you, illuminating your features beautifully, even in his dark bedroom. He feels himself smile back at you, eyes softening with fondness as he stares at you.

You tentatively reach your hand out, trying your best to hide the shakiness to it as you let it rest on Joshua’s cheek. He doesn’t seem unphased from the touch, he just continues to stare into your eyes as the look on your face softens.

“You look best when you’re happy.” You say quietly, and the blonde doesn’t respond. You watch as tears slowly fill his eyes, and your eyebrows furrow. You’ve never seen Joshua cry, not once in the time you’ve known him. Unexpectedly, Joshua’s hand comes out from under the covers and rests over yours, encompassing your cold hand in warmth. 

“I want to be a better person for you.” Joshua mutters, blinking away the tears as he tries to look at anything else in his room. You shake your head, your own heart breaking within your chest at how vulnerable he looks. You swipe away the tears from under his eye, and his eyes flit back to you, watching as a soft smile forms on your face. 

“You… you have always been more than enough, Joshua.” 

The blonde lets out a breath at your response, before his eyes softly fall shut. Your heart is warm within your chest as you let your eyes linger on him for a moment longer, his hand still resting over your own as he tries to fall asleep. 

Your gaze trails over back towards the window, seeing how bright the moon and millions of stars are in the dark sky. 

You may not have reached the moon and the stars like you originally wanted.

You look back towards Joshua, content washing over you when you listen to his steady breathing, seeing that he’s already fast asleep. You remove yours and Joshua’s hand from his cheek, letting it rest onto the mattress. A smile escapes you when you feel his hand tighten softly around yours in his sleep. After a moment, your eyes slowly fall shut with Joshua being the one to keep you warm, hand holding your own as the two of you fall asleep facing each other.

But you’ve reached the sun, and that’s more than enough.

You stare at your medicine, wondering if you should even take it when you don’t have much time left. Shaking your head, you let out an aggravated sigh, taking out the pill and dry-swallowing it. 

You immediately regret dry-swallowing the large pill as you grab your glass of water, taking a large gulp to try and swallow it properly. Letting out a cough, you walk over to your fridge, not even feeling hungry as you stare at the food in it. 

march 18, 2021

It’s been two months. 

Your time is running out.

You’re about to grab a small container of yogurt when you hear your phone go off, and you glance over to see the screen lit up. Closing your fridge door, you walk back over to the counter and pick up your phone, a grin immediately forming on your face when you see that Joshua texted you.

joshushushu: be ready at 8 later, i’ll come pick you up !

you: so you’re the one planning now, huh? 

since when were you coming for my career

joshushushu: you’re just jealous cause i’m better at it

you: take that BACK.

joshushushu: see you at 8 <3

you: JOSHUA

You chuckle, turning off your phone and looking back towards your refrigerator. Letting out a sigh, you walk over and take out the yogurt, grabbing a spoon and dipping into the snack. You quietly eat the yogurt as you walk over to your living room window, staring out at the city. 

The skies are blue, a contrast to the cloudy days Seoul had for the last couple of weeks. Your eyes follow the birds that fly past your window, watching as they get smaller and smaller the farther they go. You let out a sigh, taking another spoonful of yogurt.

“What a beautiful day.” 

“Are you okay?” You turn your head to glance at Joshua, seeing the look of concern on his face as he looks at you. Giving him a smile, you nod your head, reaching up and rubbing the back of your neck as you look out the window of the bus.

“I’m okay, just tired.” The feeling of Joshua’s eyes on your side profile remains, and you hope that he doesn’t question it anymore. The blonde simply smiles, patting the top of your head fondly. “You can sleep, yn. I’ll wake you up when we get there.” 

You bite the inside of your cheek at his kindness, and nod in response. You rest your head against the window and close your eyes, ignoring the rumbling from the bumpy road. 

A few minutes pass of Joshua scrolling through his phone when he sees your head moving out of the corner of his eye. He looks at you, seeing your head bumping against the window whenever the bus drives over a pothole in the road, somehow still fast asleep.

Joshua reaches out and softly grasps your head, pulling you over so that you’re now resting on his shoulder. He stares at your sleeping face for a moment longer, finding that you look at peace as you sleep. 

“Pretty.” Joshua mutters, before looking out towards the window for the rest of the way.

It’s only half an hour later when you feel a hand gently shaking your shoulder, and Joshua’s soft voice telling you to wake up. Groggily, you open your eyes and sit up in the seat, scratching your head. You turn and look up to find Joshua standing up from the bus seat, throwing his bag over his shoulder. He lets out a giggle at how sleepy you look, “Come on. We’re here.” 

Turning towards the window, you see the Han River glimmering back at you. Raising an eyebrow, you stand up from the seat and look at Joshua, who’s just giving you a close-lipped smile. He extends his hand out towards you, and you stare at it.

After a moment, you reach out, feeling his warm hand encompass your cold one. He grins, giving your hand a squeeze before turning and guiding you off the bus. The two of you walk in silence as he leads you towards the top of a hill, but it soon becomes hard to breathe. 

“J-Joshua.” You wheeze out, and the blonde pauses, turning to see you doubled over. 

“Are you okay? Do you want to take a break here?” You don’t respond, instead trying to catch your breath as you hold onto Joshua’s hand like a lifeline. His eyebrows furrow, and he squats so that he can look into your eyes, watching as you begin to breathe properly again.

“Yn.” 

“Mm?” 

“We gotta work on your endurance.” Joshua jokes, and you let out a laugh, reaching out and slapping his shoulder as you stand up straight. He giggles, feeling relieved that you’ve caught your breath. He gives your hand a squeeze when he gets up from his squatting position, and you look at him. “Ready?” 

You nod your head, squeezing his hand in return, “Ready.” 

Joshua smiles, leading you towards the top of the hill once again. He makes sure to keep glancing back at you and even slows his pace as a means for you to not get exhausted again. 

When the two of you finally reach the top of the hill, he lets go of your hand, and you pout at the loss of warmth. You’re about to ask why he brought you here, only to stop when you see him unzip his bag, pulling out a picnic blanket and laying it onto the cold grass. 

“A picnic? At 9 pm?” You ask, only for Joshua not to respond as he just slips off his shoes and lays down onto the checkered blanket. You smile in amusement, tilting your head as you wonder what he’s doing. 

Joshua lets out an exasperated sigh, reaching out and patting the empty space beside him on the blanket. Pursing your lips, you slowly slip off your sneakers and climb onto the blanket, carefully laying on your back. Your head is turned to him, and you’re about to ask what now? Only for Joshua to gently grasp your chin, turning you away until you look up towards the sky and-

Wow. 

The millions of stars are shining brighter than you’ve ever seen. It was as if someone gathered a handful of sparkles and scattered them across the wide expanse of the dark sky, bringing light to unappreciative eyes. 

Joshua turns his head to see your reaction, and he smiles at the bright look to your eyes, your mouth being dropped open slightly in awe. 

He knew of your fascination with the sky ever since the two of you met on Banpo bridge. From the way your eyes sparkled at the sight of the moonlight reflecting across the river, to the content smile that would make its way onto your face whenever you’d look up towards the moon.

And so, whenever he would finish his evening classes at university, he’d take the bus to different parks and look for the spot that had the best sight of the sky at night.

Joshua wanted you to be able to reach the stars. 

“Do you like it?” You turn towards the pretty blonde, seeing the slight apprehension on his face in fear that you won’t be happy with his surprise for you. You watch as it melts away from the sight of your bright smile, and a breath of relief escapes him. 

“I love it.” 

The two of you turn back towards the sky, pointing at different constellations and talking about which star shines the brightest among the millions you can see. You let out a laugh when Joshua mistakenly points out lights from a plane as a shooting star, and he rolls his eyes, but the fond smile on his face tells you that he’s anything but annoyed. 

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence afterwards, just appreciating the beautiful sky. You feel warm, even though you’re in this cold weather, you somehow feel warm just by being with Joshua. The bright stars shine down at you, and you slowly raise your arm up to the sky.

Joshua’s eyes follow your hand, watching as it grasps at the air. His gaze trails down to your face, seeing you stare up at the stars with an indecipherable emotion in your eyes. He turns away, and your arm falls back down to your side. 

“What’s something you want to do with me?” Joshua asks, breaking the comfortable silence. You purse your lips, finding the question hard as you wonder how you could even answer this. 

You want to do everything with him.

You want to go to a karaoke place with him, go bowling, go to an amusement park and eat all the festival food. Watch a movie, play in the snow and build a snowman. Go to the beach and make sand castles, go grocery shopping, visit him at work. Go to uni with him, go on a walk, talk about your day, make him kimchi fried rice. Everything. 

You want to do everything with Joshua. 

Letting out a shaky breath, your eyes trail over to the trees down the hill, lined up on the sides of the pathway. You stare at the unbloomed buds, already seeing the beautiful flowers in the back of your mind that you know you won’t be here in time to see.

“Cherry blossoms.” You utter, and the blonde turns to you.

“Hm?”

“I want to see the cherry blossoms with you.” Joshua lets out an, ah, a smile forming on his face at the thought of seeing the beautiful pink flowers with you. He looks back up towards the stars, “Cherry blossoms were always my favorite flower.” 

You listen to Joshua’s soft voice, holding onto every word as you stare down at the unbloomed trees. The blonde lets out a breathless chuckle. “April was my favorite month because that’s when the cherry blossoms would bloom, but I stopped being excited for them a couple years back.” 

Joshua grins, heart growing warm in his chest when he thinks of you spinning around excitedly underneath the cherry blossom trees, the pink petals softly falling around you. 

“But I’m excited to see them with you, yn.” 

Your heart wavers in your chest at Joshua’s sweet words, and you clench your fist at your side. Tears fill your eyes as you look away from the unbloomed cherry blossom trees, gaze trailing back up towards the stars. A tear escapes your left eye as you choke out, 

“I’m excited to see them with you too, Joshua.” 

Laying in bed, you stare up at the ceiling tiredly, having lost almost all your energy a week ago. You roll over and look at your phone, watching as the screen lights up.

march 23, 2021

You let out a shaky breath, knowing that you should admit yourself to the hospital within a few days. However,

You open up your messaging app, tapping on your conversation with Joshua.

you: joshuaaa 

be ready at 2 ! i prepared a fun day for us :)

joshushushu: does it involve you paying for our meal? 

you: capitalism is the root of all evil.

but yes. yes it does.

joshushushu: okay epic, i’m in.

i’ll see you later ^^

you: see you <3

Turning off your phone, you take in a deep breath, before slowly climbing out of bed. The exhaustion weighs over you like a blanket, but you push yourself to make it to the bathroom to shower.

You need to get ready to spend one last day with Joshua.

Sitting on the bench at the bus stop, you stare down at your sneakers as you wait for the pretty blonde to show up. It took you a while to get to the bus stop, as you felt even more exhausted by the time you stepped out of your apartment complex. You took your medicine and attempted to eat some food, but to no avail. 

The sunlight that was once shining down onto you suddenly disappears as you were thinking to yourself, and you look up to see Joshua grinning down at you. 

“What did you plan for today? Grocery shopping?” He asks, and you roll your eyes, standing up when you notice the bus heading your way. Nudging his shoulder, you answer, “No, something better than restocking my food and cleaning supplies.” 

Joshua lets out a mock gasp, making you giggle as the two of you climb onto the bus. You sit down in the window seat, the pretty man following soon after and continuing what he was saying. 

“Better than following you around the grocery store while pushing a cart for an hour? No such thing.” You laugh, slapping his leg and shaking your head at him. He grins, reaching up and patting the top of your head fondly. 

“I’m kidding. Doing anything with you brightens my day either way.” Joshua confesses, and you freeze slightly, before regaining your composure. Giving him a tight smile, you turn and glance out the window, watching as the world passes by. Cars filled with people going to wherever it is they’re going, people waiting on the crosswalks to cross the street, children screaming and playing on the playgrounds.

The world is roaring with life. 

“I’m happy for them.” You whisper, before closing your eyes. 

“Yn, you shouldn’t have.” Joshua says when you lead him towards the entrance of a dog café. You grin, shrugging your shoulders as you muster enough strength to pull open the door. “You’re a dog person. I am simply returning the favor.” 

The blonde chuckles, stepping into the café with you following after him. You reach up and hold your bicep, lightly rubbing the area as it feels a bit strained. Your arm immediately falls back to your side when Joshua stops and turns to glance at you, wondering why you’re behind him. 

He lets out a fond smile, reaching his hand out towards you. “Come on, let’s go see the dogs.” 

Your eyes slowly trail down to his hand, warm and inviting. A stark contrast to what yours have become, cold and lonely. You look back up at Joshua’s face, seeing him tilt his head at you, waiting for you to grasp his hand. 

He watches as an indecipherable emotion passes your eyes, before you let out a smile and walk up to him, intertwining your fingers with his. He grins, and the two of you walk further into the café, only to be greeted by a golden retriever. 

Your eyes widen in surprise at the beautiful dog, and you’re about to bend down to pet it—only to stop once the sound of Joshua’s happy laugh rings in your ears. You turn to look at him, finding him patting the dog’s head with a bright smile on his face. 

“Come on puppy, yn and I have to go order our food.” Joshua says softly, before leading you towards the register. You let out a happy squeal when you see all the other dogs roaming around the tables, feeling excited to play with all of them. 

You and Joshua tell the employee what you’d both like to order as a few dogs come to stand beside the two of you. When you’re told the price, you reach into your bag with your free hand to pull out your wallet, only for your mouth to drop open when you see Joshua already handing the employee his card. 

“Joshua! I wanted to pay for us.” You whine, and he simply squeezes your hand with an accomplished grin on his face. He thanks the employee once he’s handed back his card along with the receipt, before turning to face you. 

“You’re just too slow~” Joshua teases, and you squint. You open your mouth to start complaining more, only to pause when you hear the employee’s voice ring out. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but if you’d like, we have a photobooth that you both could go take pictures in.” They tell you with a shy smile, pointing towards the back of the café where the photobooth is, and your eyes brighten at the idea. 

“Thank you so much!” You say, before pulling Joshua in the direction of the photobooth, your free hand already holding your wallet so that you can pay for it. 

“Yn-” You immediately shove your card into the reader when the two of you step into the small box, closing the black curtain. The blonde chuckles at your determination, and you smile as you pull out your card once the payment is accepted.

“How should we pose?” Joshua asks, and you shrug as you watch the timer start to count down. 

“You just gotta feel it.” 

“That’s not helpful at all.” 

“Just follow my lead.” You say with a laugh, and he grins in amusement, turning back towards the screen. The two of you lean your heads closer to each other, and you wink while Joshua simply smiles as the first photo is captured. 

This continues for the next three photos, with the two of you laughing and doing different poses for the photostrip. You both climb out of the small box, waiting for the two photostrips to be printed as you talk about how silly you each must look.

“Ah, they’re printed.” You say once the two photostrips fall out, and you grab them both. You hand one to Joshua, and you hear him let out a small giggle. 

You stare at the photostrip quietly, gauging the photos. Warmth floods your chest at the third panel in particular, and you let out a breath.

This was when the two of you missed the countdown as you were both facing each other and laughing. Joshua’s eyes are bright and filled with warmth, a smile on his face as he looks at you in the photo. Then there’s you, mid-laugh, nothing but joy over your features.

“Wow.” You breathe out, and Joshua chuckles at your reaction, nudging you with his shoulder. You blink, looking away from the photostrip and redirecting your attention towards the blonde. “Mm?”

He points towards the table in the corner, where quite a few dogs are resting around. “Let’s go sit there.” 

You bite back a laugh, knowing exactly why he wants to sit at that exact spot. Nodding your head, you grin when you see his features brighten, and the two of you walk towards the table. The dogs perk up at your guys’ arrival, almost all of them going around Joshua as the two of you sit across from each other.

“So cute!” Joshua exclaims, a big smile on his face when the golden retriever from earlier rests its paws on Joshua’s chair, licking his face excitedly. The corners of your lips quirk up, and you take out your phone, opening the camera app. 

You watch as Joshua grins, petting the golden retriever to try and calm them down as they continue to attempt to lick his face. Tilting your head, you take the photo right as Joshua breaks out into laughter. 

You lower the phone from your face when Joshua turns towards you from the sound of the camera shutter, and he lets out a grin when his gaze trails over to your left hand side.

“So busy ogling me that you didn’t even notice the cute puppy waiting for your attention.” Your eyebrows furrow at Joshua’s sentence, and you turn your head to the left, expecting nothing, only for your eyes to widen when you see the precious corgi sitting beside you in the booth, tail wagging as they stare at you. 

“Oh my God. Hi baby!” You coo, reaching out and finally giving the attention the corgi had been wanting from you. The corgi licks your wrist, and you giggle, petting their back as you turn to shoot a glare towards the blonde. He raises an eyebrow at the squint to your eyes, and he tilts his head in question.

“I was not ogling you!” You exclaim, and Joshua lets out an angelic laugh that makes your heart do a somersault within your chest. A sheepish smile forms on your face, destroying the “angry” persona you were trying to put on.

“Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the judge.”

“Joshua!” You laugh, and he laughs along with you. 

Your guys’ laughter rings throughout the café for the rest of the afternoon, pure happiness exuding from the two of you.

“Oh sikhye, how you never fail me.” You say lovingly to the drink in your hand. Joshua simply chuckles at your antics, taking a sip of his own sikhye as the two of you walk on the sidewalk towards the bridge. 

“Thank you for taking me to the dog café, I had a lot of fun.” Joshua tells you, and you nod your head, a smile forming on your face when you remember how many dogs had been around your table. 

“You’re like a dog magnet, while I’m a cat magnet.” You point out, and the blonde purses his lips in thought, before nodding his head in agreement. “That makes sense.” 

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as you make your way onto the bridge, the sounds of the cars driving past you both filling the quiet.

“I feel like you could be a catboy, though.” Joshua accidentally snorts his sikhye at your abrupt comment, and you burst out into laughter as he doubles over, coughing up the drink. Patting his back, you wait for him to calm down as he slowly stands back up to his full height, taking deep breaths. 

“A catboy?”

“I cannot believe me calling you a catboy made you snort your drink.” You say, the corners of your mouth twitching as you try to hold back from smiling. The blonde catches this though, and he reaches out and pinches your cheek. 

“Hey!” 

Joshua smiles at your reaction, feeling satisfied that he got his payback after you made him snort his rice drink. He’s about to ask why you think he’s a catboy when he notices you walking up to the railing of the bridge.

You rest your hand onto the cold railing, staring out at the sight laid before you. The skies are painted in various shades of pink, blue, and purple. The sun is setting in the distance, the dark orange reflecting off the Han River, making the water glimmer. 

“It’s…”

“Beautiful.” Joshua finishes, and you turn to him, seeing the sparkle to his eyes as he stares at the scenery. You’re reminded of the cold January night where you met him over two months ago. 

His eye bags are practically gone and the hunch to his shoulders are now replaced with confidence. His features are glowing, looking healthy in comparison to before, but it’s his eyes that have changed the most. His eyes no longer appear exhausted as he turns to look at you, now replaced with something along the lines of content.

“We met on this bridge over two months ago.” You state, and Joshua doesn’t respond. He looks back out towards the water, resting his forearms onto the railing as the thought of that night comes to mind. You follow suit, taking a sip of your sikhye as the two of you stare at the scenery in silence, the memories the two of you made over the last two months playing in your head. 

“You know when I said I couldn’t see life as something beautiful? And that it wasn’t kind to me?” Joshua asks after a moment, and you nod your head, the memory fresh in your mind.

He lets out a breath, “Two months ago, life was so hard for me that I couldn’t even think of trying anymore. So I didn’t understand what you meant when you said that life was beautiful.” 

Your hand squeezes the railing, but you don’t turn to look at Joshua. You know that he wouldn’t want you to look at him as he addresses what he didn’t want to even mention for the last two months. 

Joshua glances at you, the sunset no longer capturing his attention. A small smile escapes him as he stares at you, heart warm within his chest. 

“I understand what you mean now.” You turn to look at him, immediately locking eyes with the ethereal man. The small smile on his face turns into a full one when he stares into your bright eyes, feeling happy just by being with you. 

Joshua turns away, looking back out towards the sunset. Your heart swells with warmth and heartbreak when you hear him say,

“Life is beautiful.” 

You don’t respond right away as you struggle to hold back the tears from escaping. Your eyes remain on the scenery laid before you, doing your best to control your breathing as you watch the sun set below the city. 

Letting out a breath, you feel Joshua turn to look at you with his soft eyes. 

Joshua’s happy, so you’re happy. 

You turn your body towards Joshua and give him a tight smile as you raise your arms into the air. The blonde grins, reaching out and taking the sikhye from your hand when he notices some of its contents spill onto the pavement from your gesture. You giggle at your clumsiness, and he just shakes his head. 

“What would you do without me?” Joshua asks with a smile, and you shrug your shoulders, turning and beginning to walk in the direction of the bus stop. He tilts his head at you, and he watches as you turn and glance at him with a smile. 

“I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now!” You answer, turning away before you get the chance to see Joshua’s reaction. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you swing your arms as you walk, suddenly wishing you had your sikhye in your hand. 

The sound of running footsteps makes you glance back, only to let out a loud laugh when Joshua’s arm suddenly wraps around your shoulders, the sound of his giggles ringing in your ear. He holds out the drink in your direction, and you grin, taking it from his grasp.

As you take a sip of the sweet rice drink, you let out a sigh. You take a peek at Joshua, finding the hint of a smile on his face as he drinks his own beverage in his other hand. He notices your eyes on him, and he looks at you, a warm expression forming on his face. He leans in and gently nudges your head with his, before turning back towards the front. 

It’s as if all the sadness, anger, and pain melts away from the fond gesture. A shy smile breaks out onto your face as you turn away, letting out a sigh of content.

“Ah, what a beautiful day.”

Joshua glances down at his phone while he waits in the elevator as it goes up to the eighth floor, the floor in which your apartment resides.

april 6, 2021

You haven’t contacted Joshua since the day the two of you went to the dog café, let alone open his texts. He’s been texting you everyday and even calling you to try and get a response, but to no avail.

So he finally decided to go visit your apartment to check in on you and ask what happened. 

As the elevator doors open, Joshua steps out and walks down the hallway. Once he turns left to enter the other hall, his eyebrows furrow when he notices the man standing in front of your door. He walks up to the man, who glances up towards the blonde when he catches sight of him through the corner of his eye.

“Do you know yn?” Joshua asks once he’s a few feet away from the older man. The gentleman nods, holding up his ID card, “I’m their landlord.” 

Joshua almost lets out a breath of relief, finally having met someone who could possibly know where you’ve been. The blonde points towards your apartment door, “Yn hasn’t contacted me in like, two weeks. Do you know if they’re home or if they went somewhere-”

“You don’t know?” Your landlord asks, and Joshua pauses. A feeling of dread runs down his spine when he sees the look of pity appear in the older man’s eyes when Joshua shakes his head, no. 

The dread soon turns into regret when the landlord informs him of the information he hadn’t known for the last three months.

“Are you comfortable?” The nurse asks as she replaces your tube. You give her a weak smile, glancing out the window and staring at the birds flying past it as you answer, “As comfortable as I can be.”

Once the nurse finishes cleaning you up, she bows in your direction and steps out of the room. You let out a breath, eyes trailing down to your phone. You press your finger to the screen, and the photo of Joshua that you took at the dog café shines back at you. 

A soft smile escapes you when you see how brightly he’s laughing, the sound of his joyful laughs still ringing in your ear as if he was here with you. The brief moment of happiness you feel turns into one of guilt when you’re reminded of all the messages, missed calls, and voicemails he’s left you for the last two weeks. 

It’s for the best, you remind yourself. You want him to be happy, and knowing that you’re on your literal deathbed would take that away from him. 

You bite the inside of your cheek once you feel the tears rise to your eyes, and you let out an annoyed huff. In an attempt to make the wetness to your eyes disappear, you move to stare up at the ceiling, only to freeze when your gaze lands on the doorway. 

“Joshua?” 

The blonde is standing there, chest rising and falling as he stares at you, pain evident in his gaze. His eyes trail over your appearance, wondering how he didn’t see the signs from the beginning. From the times you told him you were having trouble sleeping, the loss of appetite, how easily exhausted you would become from simply laughing too hard in the recent weeks.

How could he not know? 

“Yn.” Joshua breathes out, walking over to your bedside and sitting down in the chair. Feeling the tears flood your eyes, you look away from him, staring down at your hands in shame. 

“How did you find out?” You ask in a quiet voice, knowing he’s going to hate you for not telling him. When you don’t hear his response, the tears escape your eyes, falling onto the hospital blanket. 

“I’m so sorry Joshua.”

“I’m so selfish.” Your eyes widen slightly, and you look up from the blanket, only for your heart to break within your chest when you see the tears falling past Joshua’s eyes. 

“I-I hated my life and I openly complained about it in front of you, but you were going through so much worse and you still saw the beauty in it.” Joshua mutters, his hands reaching up towards his face as he tries to wipe away his tears. “I’m so sorry, yn.” You feel a sob bubble up in your chest, and you shake your head at him. 

“Don’t compare your struggles and pain to mine. Your struggles and your pain are valid. You have nothing to apologize for.” You tell him, vision becoming blurry as you reach out towards him with your hand. Joshua bites his bottom lip, before grasping your cold hand with his warm one. 

“It’s not fair.” Joshua mutters, and you blink at him. His hand tightens gently around yours, and he looks up into your beautiful eyes that hold so much life in them.

The life you deserve to live.

“I-It’s not fair. You of all people deserve to live your life.” Joshua says, the anger and sadness heavy in his voice. You let out a small smile, squeezing his hand with as much energy you can muster. “Sometimes life isn’t fair.”

Joshua just scoffs at your positivity and you let out a weak giggle. His eyes soften from the sight of your smile, and he reaches out with his free hand, wiping away your tears with his thumb. You lean into the touch, and Joshua feels his heart stutter in his chest. 

“Can you stay with me?” You ask, looking up into his deerlike eyes. Warmth floods the blonde’s face at how ethereal you are, feeling content when he still sees the sparkle in your eyes. 

“Yeah, always.”

Joshua slips off of his shoes and scoots you over on the hospital bed. He climbs onto it and lays onto his back beside you. You rest your head onto his arm, turning onto your side so that you’re facing him, and close your eyes at the feeling of his fingers intertwining with yours. 

“Thank you.” You mutter sleepily, and Joshua raises an eyebrow. 

“For what?” 

The memories of the last three months rewind in your head like a cassette tape, all the joy, laughter, sadness. All of it. 

“For making my last three months worthwhile.” 

Joshua sucks in a breath at your words, and he clenches his fist at his side. He’s filled with anger, sadness, so many different emotions as he turns his body to face you. He finds that you’re already fast asleep, small puffs of air leaving your lips, a reminder that you’re here. 

You’re alive.

Holding back the tears from rising, Joshua closes his eyes and gently rests his forehead onto yours. He feels your breath hit his lips, and he finds that it’s the only thing that calms him down as he feels a wave of drowsiness hit him.

He soon falls asleep with the thought of you turning to face him on the bridge two weeks ago, with the bright smile on your face that he’s grown to love.

“Can I please take yn out of the hospital? They’re right at the entrance. It’s not like I’m taking yn to an amusement park.” 

“No, Joshua.” 

“But Dr. Park, please.” Joshua practically begs, following after your doctor as he tries to walk back to his office. The man doesn’t even spare the blonde another glance, already set on his answer. 

It’s been a week since Joshua discovered the truth of your illness, and he’s visited every single day. Even if he had classes or a shift at work, he’d immediately take the bus to the hospital right after to come and see you.

He knows your time is soon from how frail you’ve become, the exhaustion and pain evident on your face no matter how hard you try to hide it behind the smile you show him. 

That’s why he’s desperate for Dr. Park to say yes.

“I’ll even have the nurse accompany us! Please, it won’t take long.” Joshua calls out, and he watches as Dr. Park’s shoulders slump as he lets out a sigh. The older man turns to glance at him, “Joshua…”

“Please, Dr. Park. Yn—” Joshua looks down at his shoes, swallowing the lump in his throat as he tries to muster up the courage to say the next words. “Yn doesn’t have much time left.” 

Dr. Park stares at the blonde, knowing very well that your time is drawing near. He looks to his side, remembering what he told you the day you found out about your tragic fate. 

“Eat whatever you want, do things you’ve always wanted to do. Live your life, yn.” 

Dr. Park lets out a sigh, before turning back towards Joshua, who’s still staring down at the floor. He purses his lips, “Fine. You can take yn, but not for long. I’ll have their nurse accompany you.” 

Joshua immediately lifts up his head, eyes bright as he nods his head frantically. He blurts out multiple thank yous, even bowing at least ten times before he heads back to your hospital room. 

Dr. Park just lets out a sad smile as he watches the blonde disappear past the corner. Shaking his head, he glances down at his clipboard and heads towards his next patient. 

You lay in the hospital bed, struggling to keep your eyes open as you wait for Joshua. Your gaze is glued towards the doorway, wondering when you’ll see those pretty deerlike eyes of his. Your eyelids feel heavy, and you feel sleep beginning to pull you in. 

“Yn!” Your eyes slowly open at the angelic voice, and you find Joshua walking up to your hospital bed with an excited smile on his face. The corners of your lips tug upward, “Joshua, you look excited.”

“I have a surprise for you.” Your eyebrows furrow in suspicion, and he lets out a laugh. A sudden figure at your doorway catches your attention, and Joshua steps to the side so that you can see. You squint when you see your nurse standing there, a wheelchair in front of her as she gives you a smile. 

“What are you planning?” You ask, eyes going back to the blonde. He shrugs his shoulders, reaching out and grasping your cold hand, giving it a squeeze. 

“You’ll see.”

It takes about twenty minutes until you’re finally in the wheelchair, as you’re no longer able to walk on your own. It was hard, since Joshua had to help your nurse by carrying you and placing you into the seat. You kept apologizing for being a bother, but Joshua would always reply, 

“You could never be a bother, yn.”

And now you’re being pushed through the halls. With your nurse holding onto the IV pole while Joshua pushes you. You can’t help but feel a bit of excitement run through your veins as the three of you slowly make your way out of the hospital, no matter how exhausted you are.

“What’s the surprise? Did you buy me a sikhye truck?” 

“You think I’m rich?” Joshua counters, and you smile at his response. It’s when you’re closer to the automatic doors that you begin to feel your heartbeat faster, ecstatic to be able to smell the fresh air. 

“Are you ready?” Joshua asks, leaning over to peek at your face. You let out a shaky breath, before nodding your head and giving him a thumbs up. “Of course.” 

The blonde smiles, and starts pushing you towards the exit again, watching as the automatic doors open for the three of you. The sunlight shines down on you once you’re outside, and you suck in a deep breath of the fresh air, blinking your eyes to get used to the sudden light.

Once your eyes open again, you find Joshua standing before you, arms stretched up towards the sky. A pose that you always did when the two of you were together. You’re about to ask what he’s doing when a sudden flash of pink flies past your face. You turn your head, eyes following after it until it falls onto the ground next to dozens of others.

A cherry blossom petal. 

You slowly look back towards Joshua, seeing the warm smile on his face as he stares at you. Your eyes trail upwards, and you let out a breath when you see the fully bloomed cherry blossom trees above you. The brilliant shades of pink and white are hanging above you, and you feel your heart swell. 

A breeze blows past the trees, and you watch as the petals begin to fall around you and Joshua. The beautiful and delicate petals gently flow with the wind, as if they were pink snowflakes fluttering past you.

Opening up the palm of your hand, you watch as a precious petal falls directly into the middle of it. You let out a wet laugh, tears trailing down your cheeks as you look back up towards Joshua. He’s smiling back at you, eyes filled with tears of his own as the two of you stare at each other. 

“I saw the cherry blossoms with you.” You say softly, and Joshua nods his head, a heartbreaking smile on his face. Biting your bottom lip, you close your fingers around the precious petal in your hand, blinking away the tears that keep flooding your eyes.

“Thank you, Joshua.” You mutter, and the blonde simply lets out a sigh, turning so that he’s facing the cherry blossom tree. You look up towards him, seeing the small smile on his face as he glances back at you. 

“Consider it a gift, yn.”

You lay on your hospital bed, listening to Joshua tell you about the lecture he attended today. Your heart warms when you hear him let out a giggle when mentioning something his classmate said, and a small smile escapes you. 

It’s been a few hours since you were brought back inside from seeing the cherry blossom trees, and Joshua’s stayed by your side the whole time. He didn’t even leave when you took a nap, just staying in the chair beside your bed doing his homework as he waited for you to wake up. 

You know that your time is almost over as you feel your heartbeat slow while listening to Joshua, finding yourself growing more sleepy. Somehow, rather than being afraid, you feel content. 

You’re happy.

You can see that Joshua knows it too, as he keeps talking to you about anything and everything, when you’d usually be the one to fill the silence. 

“And that’s how—”

“Joshua?” The blonde looks up at the sound of your voice immediately, and his heart falls when he sees the smile on your face. 

It’s different from all the ones before. It’s not bright, teasing, exciting, no. 

It’s accepting.

“Y-Yeah?” Joshua asks, and you extend your hand towards him. He reaches out and grasps it, your hand fitting perfectly within his own. 

“What’s the most beautiful thing about life?” You ask in a soft voice, staring into those deerlike eyes that seem to hold all the stars in the world. 

You want to remember it.

You want to remember him.

Joshua bites the inside of his cheek at your question, looking down at your connected hands as he tries to think of his answer. You watch as his eyebrows furrow in thought, and you grin in amusement at how hard he’s thinking.

The thought of the arcade comes to mind, as the neon purple lights shone on your face as you turned to look at him with a bright smile.

The sunset, when you spun around with your arms in the air and danced along the grass as he took photos of you. 

Going grocery shopping, when you were telling him a story with the softest of smiles on your face. Your eyes twinkled underneath the horrible fluorescent lights, and he wondered how you could possibly look so ethereal even with the bad lighting.

Your strawberry pajamas that you love so much.

Visiting the cat café, where your smile was the brightest and you were practically glowing from all the attention from the cats.

When it rained and you were laughing and spinning around as you let the raindrops fall onto you. Not a care in the world as you smiled brightly and extended your hand out towards him.

Going stargazing, except when he turned his head and looked into your eyes — he realized that you shined brighter than the millions of stars in the sky.

Joshua looks back towards you, seeing you waiting expectantly. His eyes trail over your features, from your beautiful eyes to your pretty lips that always hold a smile. He squeezes your hand softly as he finally answers,

“You.”

You blink at his answer, before a small smile breaks out onto your face. Looking away, you notice the full moon out the window, with the millions of stars surrounding it on this clear night. You let out a breath, feeling like they’re closer tonight. 

“What about you? What’s the most beautiful thing about life?” Joshua asks, and he watches as your head slowly turns back towards him. You give him a grin and squeeze his hand with as much energy as you can muster, finding yourself getting lost in his bright eyes. 

“You. The most beautiful thing about life is you, Joshua.” 

Joshua smiles, but his heart hurts as his eyes pan to your vital signs monitor, seeing that your heart rate is slowing. He looks back at you, and he sucks in a deep breath when only one thought comes to mind. 

There’s still so many things he wants to tell you, so many things he wants to do with you. However, as he stares into your eyes, he realizes there’s only one last thing you need to know.

“Yn?” 

“Yeah, Joshua?” You respond, now struggling to keep your eyes open as you stare at him. 

“I love you.” 

You and Joshua stare at each other in silence for a moment, having finally aired out the truth that the two of you have kept hidden for the last three months. The truth that the both of you kept denying, for fear of the future. A bright smile forms on your face, and Joshua feels his heart stutter within his chest at the sight. 

“I love you too, Joshua.” 

He lets out a breath, swallowing the lump in his throat to try and appear strong for you. As Joshua stares at you, he realizes just how beautiful you are. Even though you’re frail and tired, your beauty is unmatched as he looks into your eyes. 

And so, Joshua smiles back at you, and you feel warmth flood your body at the beauty of it.

You hope to remember his smile even in your next life.

Joshua hears your monitor begin to beep, signalling that your heart rate is dropping. He doesn’t look away from you, holding the eye contact between the two of you as your eyes slowly fall shut. The grip you had on his hand loosens, and he continues to stare at you as your nurse comes in once the sound of the flatline rings throughout the room. 

Joshua stands up from the chair, heart thumping against his chest once your nurse turns off your monitor. 

“Time of death: Tuesday, April 13th. At 8:13 PM.”

Silence fills the room as he leans down and presses a soft kiss to your temple, before pulling away and falling back into the chair. The smile that he showed you is now gone as he bites his bottom lip, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to fall as he stares at you, the smallest of smiles still remaining on your face.

Joshua looks down as a few tears escape, and he slowly rests his forehead onto your guys’ connected hands, sobs finally wracking through his body as he holds onto you. 

The moon and the stars shine down onto the two of you through the hospital window. They illuminate the room as Joshua sobs against your hand, knowing that you were finally able to reach them. 

You were finally able to reach the moon and the stars.

april 13, 2022

Joshua looks away from the calendar on the wall once he’s handed the bouquet of bright sunflowers. He smiles at the employee, giving them his thanks before he turns around and walks out of the store. 

The sun shines down on him as he walks towards the columbarium, making his black hair appear a light brown underneath the light. 

The sound of the birds chirping rings through his ears, and he smiles softly as he steps in through the entrance. He walks through the hall, before he finally stops, looking up and seeing your bright smile shining back at him.

Joshua lets out a grin at the sight, placing your sunflowers into the mini slot that holds the bouquets. A breath escapes him as he stares at the photos in your display, all of the photos capturing your beautiful smile. His eyes land on the last one, and he bites the inside of his cheek.

It’s the photostrip of the two of you from the day you both went to the dog café. 

Joshua has the same photostrip on the back of his phone case, as a reminder of a beautiful day. 

“Did you miss me?” Joshua asks you, knowing that he won’t receive a response. He smiles softly, looking down at his shoes. 

“It’s been a year without you, and I still think of your bright smile everyday.” Joshua tells you, placing his hands into his pockets as he continues to stare at the floor. “I know you’re getting a kick out of hearing me say that, huh?” 

Joshua stands there before you in silence for a moment, holding back the tears that threaten to flood his eyes. He lets out a shaky breath, before looking back up towards you with a smile and begins to update you on everything that’s happened since he last visited.

From the new job he got at an early learning center as a teacher, to the cat he visits at the shelter that reminds him of you, to his new friend Jeonghan who’s more mischievous than you could imagine, to the fried rice he made in the morning.

He tells you anything and everything until he can no longer think of anything else to say. Joshua lowers his head, wishing that he could hear a response. 

“I miss you.” He mutters, the thought of your smile and contagious laugh coming to mind. There’s a dull ache in his heart that has remained since you passed, and he knows it will be there for a long time. 

But as he lifts up his head to look at you and sees the photo of the both of you laughing, he knows he’ll be okay. You want him to be happy.

Joshua sucks in a deep breath, before reaching up and resting his hand over the glass. 

“Thank you, yn. Thank you for teaching me how to live.” 

Joshua gives you a genuine smile, before taking a step back from your locker. 

“I’ll continue to live happily, so don’t worry about me. I’ll visit you again soon...” Joshua chuckles as he trails off, looking away as warmth floods his face at the thought of the next thing he wants to tell you. He lets out a breath, before smiling at you as he says,

“I love you.” 

And with that, Joshua turns around and walks away with a lighter heart. He steps out of the columbarium and walks down the street, the thought of your smile and the sound of your laugh lingering in his mind. 

He walks with his head down, hands in his pockets as he heads to the bus stop. It’s only when a pink petal floats past him that he pauses and finally looks up from the ground. 

The fully bloomed cherry blossoms are a few feet from him, planted on the grass near the sidewalk, painting the pavement pink. He watches as a breeze blows past him, making hundreds of cherry blossom petals gently fall from the trees. 

Joshua lets out a small smile at the sight, before looking up towards the blue sky. A content sigh escapes him as he watches a pretty white cloud float past him. 

“What a beautiful day.”

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