#and that’s fine too I guess I just have so few friends irl (especially being in a new city not knowing anyone) i was hoping to keep some | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

taegularities · 1 year

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Ah Rid, you don't have to worry about me truly. I've just been in my feels recently and especially tonight. I hope this little ramble doesn't just pile on bad vibes onto you when you're already feeling down because that's the last thing I want 🥺🥺🥺 But I guess it's better if I don't just let these thoughts fester in my head huh?

It's really not even anything that bad or big, but lately I've just felt quite... lonely irl. Or maybe more like craving deeper human connection? Because I do have people around me that I talk to and hang out with but it doesn't exactly feel enough. And thinking about it more it doesn't even have to be romantic (although that's where my brain went to at first) but just something closer, more intimate and personal.

All of that had me thinking back to the many friendships I've been in in the past years and how the atmosphere in a lot of them was very negative, so that's why I kept changing friend groups a lot. And then I was finally in a place where I had two very close girl friends and everything was so positive and uplifting, it was really nice. We naturally drifted apart and I'm fine with that, I just miss that closeness and positive energy, that connection and feeling of knowing each other so well.

And I was so excited to start uni because I actually love the process of initially getting to know people too, but now I just want something more 😔😔😔

I feel like that's definitely something that I should actively be building up too though so it feels like if it makes me so sad, why aren't I doing something about it yk? That's something I should probably think about more, how to make it happen. I just feel like not only do I want more love to be given to me, but also even more like I have so much love to give and nobody to give it to.

That being said I'm grateful for all of the people in my life. And feeling like this recently has made me appreciate everybody I've met online so so so much more than I already was. Everyone here, including you, Rid, makes me feel so so very happy and loved. It's just not easy when one of my main love languages is physical touch and everyone's all over the world and I can't actually hug you lmao.

I reeeeally wasn't sure if I should ramble to you because as I said, I didn't want to add onto your bad feelings, but I don’t think I can really say this to anyone else without feeling silly and I believe in the benefit of letting your feelings out. So thank you as always for listening, Rid. Please don't feel obligated to reply or anything if you don't have the emotional energy, it just feels good to put these thoughts out there.

I truly believe that we'll all be okay very very soon. I'm sending you the biggest hugs and all of the love in the world 💞💞💞

awh god, bby :((

reading this made me so sad. don't feel bad about it, it just means i care btw! i just hate that so many people have been feeling that way. i honestly get that 100% bc i too have been feeling a lot like this in the past few months.

loneliness sucks. sometimes you want to talk about something, but you don't know with whom. or sometimes, you want to go for lunch or dinner or go see a movie but can't figure out who to ask. i get it... i think there's always a point in life when loneliness strikes hardest, but i think we need to keep in mind that it's not our fault, or at least not always.

like, you said you know you could change it if you just tried, or that you need to push yourself harder. which is good. it's always great to acknowledge what can be done. but, and i always tell that myself too, it's not always easy and that's okay!! don't put yourself down. like, opening up can be fkn hard, especially after this stupid pandemic, so it's genuinely okay if it takes some time, you know? i was excited for uni as well bc i thought i could finally make new friends, but then you enter the room and just... ugh it's hard. ofc we crave intimate relationships of any kind, and yes friendships drift apart, but finding new ones just requires patience i think.

those are all things i tell myself daily. bc otherwise id spiral more lol and yes i'm so so thankful for everyone here, too. i love all my virtual moots and friends and readers and everyone, but it stinks that i can't hug anyone, so yeah ofc we'd want that irl warmth.

it'll happen !! take your time, dive into relationships step by step, doesn't have to happen overnight. there's this jk biased army girl, right? try with her if you'd like, but don't push yourself too hard. be comfortable. and also, never feel bad for venting, bc while i worry, your pain won't add to mine. like, i like to help.. so it's alright, anytime. and yeah, we'll be okay, at least at some point, you're right my love 💕

#love love love u 💕#i was gonna say more but it's almost 3am again jdjshdhs but i wanted to answer !!!#notes for rid 🌹#ivi <3 #it's literally like i wrote this ask #long ask

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mental-health-advice · 9 months

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I know how to make friends, that feels easy enough. I don't overly have a hard time getting people to like me and I think that's just because I try my best to be extremely nice, so then people don't have a reason to dislike me. But becoming close to friends feel hard. All my life I've been in friend groups where everyone had a certain person or a certain few people they drift towards and I have never really been that for someone and I know it shouldn't suck but it does. I've had four friends I've kind of had that with but one lasted only for a few months and even then I feel like I didn't matter overly much to them. Another one did last for about a year which was great, but then we ended up at different schools. And the other two are online friends which counts, but it always feels different, and one of them I don't talk to anymore. And maybe that's just how friendships are meant to be, but it always feels different and feels so hard to properly connect with friends. In my current friendship group, everyone has a certain person they're especially close with, or maybe two people, and they have people they talk to all the time or hang out with often, but I can never manage to have that. I know they love me and find me fun but it just feels like that if I stopped being friends with them for whatever reason, it wouldn't actually affect their lives overly much. And I always feel like people only like me because I'm nice, like there's never anything else about me that is overly special or worth liking. And talking to them is so hard, because I don't know what to talk about with people. In groups it's fine because I can eifher listen or bounce off of multiple people but one on one is too hard and I'm always left stressing out over what to say. And I do try to message people occasionally but they either A. Don't read the message for a long time or B. They do and then our conversation is very short because I don't know what to talk to them about. The only person I can actually talk to is one of my online friends. They're easy to talk to, nobody else is. But then sometimes I feel bad because I don't want to talk to them despite them being my best friend. And even if I can talk to them, I still just wish I had someone like that irl too. This is more of a rant than anything, so I'm sorry about that. I guess I'm just tired of not being able to have a proper, strong friendship with people. Idk what you'd respond to this with since it isn't really a question so feel free to not reply if you'd like! Thank you for taking the time to read this <3

Hey there,

It can be so hard at times to have a closer friendship to someone in a wider friendship group. It can also feel horrible when others seem to have that with one person to turn to or hang out with and we don’t. I know that I have felt this in the past when I too never felt able to find that one person in the friendship group that I could really turn too so I know how it can feel.

One thing that I did find helpful though was reminding myself that despite me not being close to a certain person within the friendship group, that I did have friends as a whole and even though I felt left out in a sense at least I had friends when others may not have been so lucky. I know that this didn’t always fill that void of feeling left out, but somehow just having friends then made me feel just that little bit less alone if that makes sense? That despite not having that one person when others did, I did have a group of friends and so had a choice of many friends I could confide in when I needed to share something with someone. So I guess what I am trying to say, is if it would be helpful for you to look at the situation a little differently instead of seeing everyone having that one person when you don’t. I think that it’s also really important to know that everyone at times finds it difficult to know what to say to others, but sometimes you just have to follow you gut and say whatever comes to mind (as long as it’s not hurtful to another) and just say what’s on your mind.

You mentioned that sometimes when you message someone within your friendship group that at times problems arise with them either taking a long time to reply or the conversation not really going anywhere. In situations like this, could you remind yourself that sometimes this happens to others, not just you, and this is normal. So try not to single yourself out if you can. Try to remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you and that it’s OK if you don’t have that one person you feel closest too, this will happen from time to time but it doesn’t mean that it will always be that way with other friendships that you may have and form in the future.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #friends #friendship group

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silentmoths · 2 years

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I hope you’re doing okay, Lex.

Sometimes, parents or relatives or just any other person can be projecting how they feel about themselves onto other people. Not that I’m justifying their actions in anyway. I also recently didn’t know that a very close cousin of ours didn’t invite anybody from their entire father’s side of the family to his wedding of which he told none of us.

It feels like a stab in the gut and simultaneously like they just destroyed their last chance of showing they actually care for you. Especially since we have been supporting them for years after their father, my uncle, passed away a few years ago.

However, I can say that it will get better. Sometimes we go through such scenarios in life in order to see the true person we’ve been actually thinking or dealing with all this time.

I truly hope you forget about such people in your life and that you’d eventually fell better. Sometimes ranting to your irl friends or your S/O can help as well to get rid of your frustrations. Love you and stay safe 💛🫂

Hey anon, I'm...doing about as well as I can I guess but honestly, Im a bitch who lives a pretty secluded life and I dont really get chances to dump my feelings out often so forgive me for using this as a moment to get..well, everything off my chest.

definitely a case of 'moth is getting probably too loose w their personal life on the internet' but at this point? I really just...dont care anymore.

Some context: parents have been divorced since I was three, thats fine, no big.

But my dad, whom I havent spoken with properly since 2016, has a habit of descending from on high to drop earth shattering revelations on me and then vanish again

last week he suddenly asked if I could be the executor of his will, me, a 25 year old who has no idea what any of that shit entails, but I say yes anyway because there was only one other person he had ever had as his executor and I had assumed something may have happened between them.

I ask my sister in law, who's mother is in a relationship with this person.

Today, I get a message from my lovely father again telling me he's dissapointed that I've gone and said something to said sister in law, who knows my dad well, she used to live three houses down from him and I knew her throughout my childhood, and now I have apparently caused a 'rift' in a 40 year friendship because I was worried for his friends health and assumed that's why I'm suddenly being given this shit monument of a task.

On top of that, this is when the wedding for said family friend gets brought up, this is the first i've ever heard of it, like I knew they were engaged but like, the date is set, dad had already declined his invite because my mum will be there and neither of my shitass folks can put their differences aside for one goddamn night, oh and I'm apparently not important enough/ thought of enough to be invited.

Im...honestly reaching the point where I wish he'd just hurry up and die so I can get this over with and actually fucking live my life without him descending every other month to tell me about his bowel cancer and how he's not doing anything about it like im glad to hear that the one parent who actually gave a shit about me when i was small is just letting himself die and honestly knowing him, he's going to speed it up in some way and here I am doing nothing about it because what the fuck can I do.

So for now I just sit, and wait, and try not to think about it.

my partner has been a godsend, his parents know more about executing wills than I do, but it's still something that I have to do mostly on my own and I'm scared im going to fuck it up.

#silentmothasks #moth is not silent #if you dont want ur mood dragged down dont read this post #im just vomiting words to stave off a breakdown

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ampleax · 2 years

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07/10/22

hi! i missed a couple days but it’s fine, i don’t want to force myself to write everyday especially since nothing special happens anyway. i’m planning to cosplay as kiara on october! i love her so much and she makes me feel warm inside. hololive or just vtubers in general fills a hole inside my chest, the hole where you-know-who resided in. it’s better now since i have something to fill that gap, which is cosplay, but it’s kind of depressing to think that i’m attached to so many temporary things to the point where i wasn’t able to keep someone who would’ve been there for me for a lifetime.

the guy i mentioned in my past entries, the one who makes me feel uncomfy (i’ll call him K) asked me what his problem was earlier. i didn’t really know how to put everything into words without sounding like i’m nitpicking but i genuinely wanted him to change but it feels like he’s not really doing anything to do so. i feel like he’ll just keep running away over and over again without actually trying. he’s one of my closest friends so i actually want him to change but i don’t think i’ll ever be comfortable being with him irl and also in voice calls like back then. i tried to mention everything that makes him feel off to be with. if he does something like disappear while implying that he hurt himself or attempted suicide, i swear to god. it’s sad how i don’t even have anyone to run to regarding my problems because i’m sure that S is tired of me and my venting. i know she said that i shouldn’t worry about it but i don’t want to burden her too much. K responded to me and i don’t really know what to feel because his response felt so off lmao but i don’t want to demand anything since i guess he’s trying. i haven’t really been talking to kuya these past few days. i don’t know, i just feel like he doesn’t really want to talk to me for some reason. and it might be because i always vent to him and he’s already stressed with work overseas. i’m going to keep my distance for now since i don’t really wanna add to his problems. i miss him though, and i don’t want to take care of his pets anymore, it’s really tedious and nerve-wracking because i always think about them getting hurt and dying. but i’ll just take care of them properly. these days, i’m trying to drown myself in mangas in order to just fill the time since i don’t really have the drive to watch vtubers anymore. i might also go back to watching kdramas since i really miss fangirling over cute boys. that’s it, i guess. nothing special really happened in a span of a few days. well, if you can count me rediscovering my playlist for G and finding out that i gave him all of my favorite songs. i don’t know if he ever listened to this playlist, but i remember just pouring out everything that i wanted to tell him inside. also, come on spotify, where’s the good evening in this? are you just trying to make me cry again? i’ve been using this playlist as a way to fall asleep for the past few days. it might help you too! whoever you are. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/32RxWJAuRH3YMJwY4yhSvP?si=87880290a3b64c45

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integratelier · 2 years

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Ni no Kuni - Cross Worlds: My First Foray into MMO

I’ve been curious about MMO since I watched Log Horizon. I watched SAO before that, but SAO was more about “how to escape this weird thing”, whereas Log Hora was more about building an entire civilization! Sounds hella cool.

Some time ago I said something about being suck at games. I still am, so this post is about how to get less suck at games, specifically Cross Worlds, my first foray into MMO.

Firstly, my friend told me that to get a true MMO experience(TM) I should try RO, so this is probably not the best place to start. I don’t know… I suck, so there’ll be no difference I guess *shrug

Secondly, the game is chock full with content that the first week (or month…. it’s almost a month since I last start playing, I think…) felt like plunging into a deep river while being unable to swim (which is a perfectly accurate description of me irl). So the most logical strategy for me to try to at least stay afloat is not read the infos, not click things out to know what those buttons are for, not follow tutorials… but pester my friends about what’s what 😂

Honestly, I still don’t understand what’s what even now. I mean, aside from leveling up, what else is there? And even the leveling up feels secondary. The story is so fricking long. My favorite thing of a game is the story… but I don’t need every minor quests to have a full on dialogues that I can’t speed up (•_•)

Thirdly, I don’t like that at the end of the day, what matters is your combat power (point?). I mean, there are a ton of things you can do in this game. Quests, challenges, weapons, familiar, dungeons, a plethora of other things (I mean, literally, when you open the menu, there are a bunch of things you can click, which opens to submenus, which then open to subsubmenus… you get what I mean). But all of that result in one, all-encompassing number: Combat Power (Point?).

I mean, why have 5 elements when everything just sums up into one thing? Why not, maybe, have elemental powers, so we can choose to excel in one element, or what have you. I’d also love to have my familiars gain experience and level up from fighting monsters, not only from consuming items which obtaining almost always depend on luck and/or RpRpRp.

The funny thing I found about Cross Worlds is that you can teleport to places, but it doesn’t work how I imagined them to be. So, like, you can teleport from one big area to another, but within that area, which is still pretty huge, you actually have to walk. I thought if I chose a Fast Travel option I would get teleported to the spot I wanted, but no, within an area Fast Travel meant “get on the cat horse”. Idk, it’s not that weird, but I just find it funny. Especially when I’m auto-ing quests, I expected my character to just teleport to quest/quest giver spots, but no… he has to make good use of those legs lol.

Auto! That’s the next funny thing. You can auto things out in this game… which I heard is not the norm of the genre. For example, your character has basic moves, and then class-specific moves, and then some more special moves (that could be class-specific, but some are class-unspecific—I’m making up words, I know). You can just put your character in monster-focused mode, and choose auto, and the character will automatically rotate between moves, only spaced out by the skills’ cool down time.

So if you need to farm items from the monsters, or just need to rack up EXPs, turn the game on, go auto, and just leave it for a few hours, days, or probably weeks, and voila! Level up. You should probably check once in a while in case your character dies, because if they do, they’ll revive in a safe spot without monsters, so they’ll cease gathering up EXPs or items until you restart the auto thing again.

The same principle applies to special battles, too, such as boss fights. Go auto mode, and then move your character around just to get out of the attack range and you’ll mostly be fine 😂 (especially if your class is a long-range type). You might contribute less in the fight, though, so you’ll receive less rewards, too. But my topmost priority is to survive and still get rewards, so it’s OK.

And here’s my not so original strategy to fighting in this game,

especially when you’re fighting monsters that can kill you in just a few strikes:

Full auto mode

Auto-potion at 85% HP (the pot I currently use restores 25% HP, but because of pot cool down time (10 sec), you might get potted up at less than 70% HP so I guess it’s ok. They’re awfully cheap, too.)

Equip reduce pot cool down time skill, if you have it. It's probably effective, but I'm not too sure.

After one round of class skills, which cool down for 10-12 sec, run around the arena until you can fire those skills again. You’re on auto, so don’t worry about aiming. Usually the monsters have all gathered quite close with each other after chasing you, so your skills will have better chance at hitting all of them at once.

Try to not stand in front of the monster

Try to position the camera so that you can see about… idk, probably 30 m radius around your character. You’re on auto, so you’re free to use your left hand to move the character and right hand to move the camera.

Disclaimer: this method works well for me, who really, really suck at this game, Rogue (archer) class, use keyboard, and don’t use mouse.

All in all, it’s quite a fun game, especially when you have friends, albeit just a few, to play it with you. Even an introvert crave socializing (❁´◡`❁) (don’t ask me to go outside, though).

#ni no kuni #cross worlds #miscellaneous

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nanastea · 3 years

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for the sake of it

order: HI! I absolutely adore your blog and writing, and was hoping to get a small taro milk tea with mango jelly (add-ons egg pudding, this is my favorite irl too btw!) for my sweet boy megumi? And I'd like to request a fake dating au where it initially started out as a prank but it turned into something more? – @dumrus

pairing: fushiguro megumi x fem!reader

word count: 1,732

tags: fake dating au! idiots in love, little angst for a short while but gets a happy ending!

date: apr. 17, 2021

nana’s note: ahhh thank you so much @dumrus for being my first order!! i was so happy when i received this order and got super excited about writing it that i kind of got carried away and wrote a too long of an imagine (*꒦ິ³꒦ີ) and i'm not sure if i got the prank part correctly ヽ( T–T)ノi’m sorry about that! but i do hope you will enjoy this~ constructive feedback is appreciated!

previous order: notes for you

you’ve always been with megumi for as long as you can remember. you two met at jujutsu high when gojo had introduced the young megumi to you. the spikey dark haired boy had no interest in you nor did you in him. you both were young and had no idea what curses or cursed energy was so it was mostly training and training.

but due to the low attendance of students enrolled in the academy, there was only you and megumi so ultimately you guys had to rely on each other. but with the news of new first years coming to the academy, you and megumi hadn’t been expecting to build new relationships. nobara kugisaki and itadori yuuji were the new first years and students that you two had to work with.

they were a handful, especially yuuji who became the vessel of the king of curses, ryomen sukuna. the first few weeks of getting to know the new students, it was quite awkward and naturally you and megumi stuck together. that isn’t unnoticed by kugisaki nor yuuji.

“are you and y/n dating?” yuuji had asked one day. the four of you had been training when the two boys had gone to get drinks from the vending machines. megumi glanced at the pink haired boy as he pressed a button on the machine.

“no.” he simply replied. “are you interested in her?”

“no, no.” the former waved his hands. “i just thought so because you guys are always together.”

“we aren’t dating.” you two had said. on the other hand, kugisaki had asked you the same question.

“hah?” she drew out in disbelief. “there is no way. you guys are always together! you don’t even have a speck of feelings for him?” you pick at the edges of your sweater and shrug. did you even think of megumi that way? well, he may appear cold, but he has his ways of concern. like when he catches you before you fell down those stairs one day, or when he brings you your favorite snacks when you’re not well, or taking care of you when you’re ill…

the next thing you knew, your face had flushed and burned red.

“you do!” kugisaki pointed out and laughed out loud. you could die. you hid your head in the palms of your hands and cringed. this can’t be.

“what’s so funny, kugisaki?” yuuji’s voice says. the voice suddenly made you shoot your head up knowing if the pink haired boy was there, then an all too familiar spikey haired boy would be back too. your eyes effortlessly fall onto megumi’s who looks back in concern.

“you’re red. are you alright?” he asked. if your face could feel any hotter, it could.

“she’s fine! she just overdid training!” kugisaki lied through her teeth whilst attempting to hold back her laughter and patting your back.

“well, you can sit this one out until you feel better.” megumi offers and you nod dumbly. you just dug your own grave. with your feelings now surfaced, you can’t do anything except keep your newfound feelings locked tightly in your heart. megumi doesn’t need to know about them. however, that’s beginning to get difficult when you’ve gotten yourself in situations where megumi was always there to catch you before you fell.

“you’ve really been out of it, y/n. are you sure you’re okay?” he had asked. you had just bumped your head against the wall when you found megumi walking down the opposite side of the hall and you had abruptly turned around to avoid him, but ended up hitting your head on the wall.

“i’m fine.” you shake your head, holding the cool ice pack against your head.

“i don’t think so, you’ve been spacing out a lot lately and i’m worried about you.” the words fall so effortlessly from his lips and you clench your eyes closed, feeling how your heart begins to race erratically.

“i’m fine, megumi. really.” you assured, looking up at him and giving him your best grin. megumi does not believe you, but he lets you be and withdraws back in the chair.

“what about you? how are you holding up on training with kugisaki?” you ask this time to settle your nerves. a small groan leaves the other’s lips and you can’t help but chuckle.

“that bad huh?”

“it’s not that.” megumi starts. “she always tries to find a way to ask if you and i are dating. clearly, we’re not but she’s persistent. it’s worse because itadori is also asking.” your heart clenches a little at his words, but you swallow it down to the pit of your stomach. is it really that bad?

“i mean we can just say that we are dating, but we actually aren’t. like you know, fake dating. kind of?” the boy looks at you with a small tilt of his head.

“why?” you begin to get anxious and clear your throat, looking behind him to prepare what to say next.

“w-well it’s going to get awkward between us if they keep asking, right? i mean they’ll probably stop pestering us?” you reason hopefully. megumi is silent and you’re beginning to regret your offer.

“i-i mean it’s only a thought, it’s not that we have to follow–”

“no. i think that’ll be a good idea. they’ll definitely stop asking.” he nods. “let’s do it.”

“y-yeah.” and when you guys told kugisaki and yuuji that you two were ‘dating,’ they had sighed in relief claiming that they ‘knew it’ and you two were ‘just hiding it.’ you chuckled awkwardly and nodded along.

fortunately, the plan did work and kugisaki and yuuji had stopped bothering you guys about your relationship. on the other hand, you can’t help but notice the tense awkwardness between you and megumi whenever you two were alone together. maybe it wasn’t a good idea after all.

you’re in kugisaki’s room for another of your group to get together to down all kinds of junk food and watch corny horror movies. after getting tired of movies, you’re all on the bed and chatting away–more like kugisaki and yuuji are chatting your ears off. and you’re not sure how the conversation was directed at you and megumi’s relationship. if you even want to call it that.

“what do you mean?” you looked at the orange head skeptically.

“kiss! i meant kiss! have you guys even kissed yet?” the question hangs in the air and you can feel the spiked boy behind you tense, shuffling his legs. you avoid the prying eyes and clear your throat. what the hell were you guys going to respond to that? the silent response makes nobara and itadori’s jaws drop.

“no way!” they both exclaim, gasping and covering their mouths ever so dramatically.

“you guys dated this long and you haven’t even kissed once?” itadori inquired, brows raised in shock. you utter something that doesn’t go unnoticed.

“what was that, y/n?”

“we weren’t even dating in the first place.” silence consumes the room before it erupts into sounds of gasps and an uproar of shouts.

“what?!”

“no way! why did you lie?!” kugisaki voiced offensively.

“you guys were so insistent that we were dating, but we really weren’t. so, we just pretended to date so you guys would stop asking.” you say. kugisaki and yuuji don’t say anything and their eyes glance at megumi who seems to find a strange liking in picking at the edges of his sweatpants. the two glance at each other and settle back onto the bed.

“we didn’t mean to have forced anything on you two.” kugisaki said, gentle and a little guilty because it seemed like the two of you were on the brink of something that she did not want to happen. you weren’t able to respond when you feel megumi shuffle behind you and off the bed.

“i’m tired. i’m just. gonna go sleep.” megumi muttered, hand rubbing his neck and eyes refusing to meet anyone’s. he cleared his throat and shuffled out of the room. the room is silent again. two pairs of eyes fall on your slumped frame and when itadori opens his mouth to say something, he’s cut off with yours.

“i’m tired too. i’ll see you guys tomorrow.” and you, too, leave the room without another word. the following days have been the hardest for you. you were foolishly hooked up on your feelings for the spiky haired boy which caused you to fall countless times while training with kugisaki. she knew what got you so up in the clouds and felt guilty for what she put you two through.

“i think you should try confessing just to get it off your chest.” she told you. “trust me, it’ll be awkward at first, but you guys will forget it later. probably even look back and laugh about it.” you take her words into consideration and nod defeatedly.

“yeah, i guess.” was everything going to go back to normal once you do confess? would you guys really look back and laugh about it as part of your silly adolescent life? a heavy sigh leaves your lips.

“speak of the devil.” she grinned and nodded her head to which you followed and looked behind you. it’s megumi. he has a hand in his pocket and the other is rubbing the back of his neck and his eyes are looking to the side.

“may i speak to you, y/n?”

“o-oh. yeah, sure.” you two leave the area and head to the vending machines where you two get your respective drinks for you and your friends. that is until megumi stands to his full height and faces you, making you look at him confused.

“megumi?” you hear him clear his throat and breath out.

“i, uh, i’ve really thought about it over the time we have been apart, and,” he swallows. “i really like you, y/n. i know it’s still awkward between us because of what happened, but i needed to tell you this.” you’re stunned, shocked at what you heard. you couldn’t even process what he said when he started to doubt his words and begin to take them back.

“n-no!” you abruptly say, shaking your head. you swallow whatever was left of you and say those four words of reciprocation, albeit stumbled over them.

“i like you too, megumi.”

if you enjoyed, reblogs are welcomed! ෆ(´ . .̫ . `)ෆ what can i get for you?

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griavian · 3 years

Text

the 36 questions that lead to love

x <- read on ao3

dream finds a list of questions that can supposedly lead to two people falling in love, so him and george try it out on stream. turns out, they don't really need all 36.

“Come on, George. It’s just a couple of questions.” Dream pleaded into the call, making George roll his eyes. He’s been trying to end stream for the past 15 minutes, but Dream always convinces him to go “just a little longer!”.

“36 questions is not just a couple of questions, Dream.” George glances at his second monitor to make sure his green screen was still black and to check a few discord messages. He had no intention to fall into Dream’s trap for another hour of streaming.

“But it says it’ll lead to love!” Dream says, exasperated. He googled ‘questions to ask your friend’ earlier and found a list of them that apparently lead to falling in love. To George, it was bullshit.

“That’s such bullshit.” He expresses.

“You’re no fun.” Dream’s voice lowered, and George can feel the pout Dream has plastered on his face. He can already predict what the next 12 hours would be like with Dream: silent treatment and being a general dickhead. George was used to it when they lived an ocean apart, and even found it amusing, but it was a totally different experience living with him. Dream would mope around, go into George’s room randomly just to not talk to him, and go as far as to blast sad music from his own room across the hall while George was trying to finish up some editing. Sure, it was all light-hearted jokes, and Dream would stop his act in a heartbeat if George was truly annoyed by it, but George still dreaded it.

“Fine.”

Dream immediately cheers up and starts typing on his keyboard while George watches his chat fly by, seeing a lot of emotes and positive messages.

“Okay, um- first question. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom,” Dream mocks the formality, “would you want as a dinner guest?”

George’s nose crinkles. “How is that gonna make me fall in love with you?”

“Just answer the question.”

“I don’t know! The queen?”

“That’s a stupid answer.”

“What!” George screeches and Dream barks out a laugh. “You’re so dumb.”

“You gotta give me a better answer than that, or else we won’t fall in love with each other.”

George rolls his eyes, but decides to think about his answer. Truthfully, he wouldn’t want anyone special as a dinner guest. “Um. My mum.”

George eyes his chat as it’s filled with “aw”s. He almost scoffs.

“See? That wasn’t so hard.” George wants to punt Dream into another universe.

“Alright, who would you want as a guest?”

“Tom Brady.”

“That’s the stupidest answer ever!” George yells, his eyes wide, perhaps offended that Dream picked Tom Brady out of anyone else in the world.

“Question two!” Dream ignores, “This one is kinda dumb, but would you like to be famous and if you do, what for?”

George hums. “Probably don’t want to be famous-famous. Maybe being well-known for being the first person to invent IRL-VR. I want my body to be submerged in the Minecraft universe.”

“That’s sick. I dunno what I’d want-”

“You’re already famous.”

“Shut up. I don’t even- I don’t even want to be famous, really. I just want to make whoever knows me smile.”

“Aww, isn’t that sweet, Dream.” George teases and he knows Dream waved him off. George has his habits practically memorized.

“Whatever. How about you ask some questions?” Dream sends a link on discord and George reads through them.

“There’s no way these can make people fall in love. What even is this question? Before making a telephone call, do you rehearse what you’re going to say and why?”

“Trust the process. I mean, I do that. I don’t want my brain all jumbled up, I guess. Words are hard.” Dream answers.

“I don’t think I’ve ever done that. I wing it.”

“That’s very you. Next question.” Something about Dream saying that made George smile the tiniest bit, made the serotonin flow through his brain.

“What’s a ‘perfect day’ for you?” George reads. It’s quiet for a moment.

“Hanging out with you,” his voice is sincere, “You and Sapnap. Recording, streaming, anything like that. What about you?”

“Hm. Me too.”

George isn’t one to show his feelings often. He remembers being asked if he did, and he answered with “not ones that matter”. It still rings true to this day. His walls are still built up and that’s okay to George. Mushy feelings aren’t important, but he’d be damned if he didn’t say his heartstrings were playing a beautiful melody during this moment.

The questions and answers fall easily after that. George knows it’s around 1 am, and he should go to sleep, but answering the questions was kind of addicting.

“Do you have a hunch on how you’ll die?” Dream reads the question with a chuckle. “That’s such a weird question to ask someone you wanna fall in love with.”

George tries not to read in between the lines.

“Heart failure. For both of us.”

“You know how I’ll die?”

“We’re Minecraft streamers, Dream. We’ll probably die at 40.” They share jokes and giggles of scenarios where they die and what they’d do, and something about it feels a bit too honest.

“I’ll die the day you die, George. Emotionally and physically.” Dream says, dramatic as ever. George only huffs, and they leave it there.

“Name three things you and your partner have in common. Dream, do you have a secret girlfriend?” They start to bicker back and forth, because of course they do.

“It doesn’t mean romantic partner, you dumbass. Like- it’s like a science partner,” Dream sighs, “Well, we do have a lot in common. We have the same job, we care about the same things, and we love each other! Easy.” Dream answers.

“Who said I loved you?”

“You literally did last night.” George had closed chat a while ago, already prepared for what was to come. He can only imagine what they’re saying.

“They’ll never believe you.” George says with a sadistic grin.

“Ugh. Okay, what are you grateful for in life? You have to answer this.” George can hear Dream get a little closer to his mic, almost anticipating George’s answer. Dream knows how much he doesn’t like to express any feelings, and probably expects him to skip the question overall. George prevails.

“You. Obviously,” and before Dream can get out an aww, George says, “You made my career, dummy, and I’m grateful for that. And my friends, family, all the normal things. Chat! I’m even grateful for chat.”

“Well, I’m incredibly grateful for you especially.” Dream’s voice is soft, almost loving. George rolls his eyes. He could’ve guessed Dream’s answer, but it weirdly hurts him when it was spoken aloud. He doesn’t know whether it hurts because it might be a fun little joke or if it’s because someone might care about him that much. George decides to stop thinking.

They answer more questions, from taking four minutes to tell each other their life stories (“There was no reason to add that detail; you’re so gross, Dream.”) to what significant quality they would want to wake up and suddenly have (“You’re already good at code shit, George. That’s the saddest answer ever.”). They move onto section two of the list, which are deeper questions.

“Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing but haven’t yet, and why haven’t you?” George asks. He knows about Dream’s unfinished projects. There’s probably a million answers to the question, and George would listen to every single one.

“Uh, well. You know I was writing a book, yeah? I was halfway done with it, and I can’t make myself finish it. It’s probably writer’s block, but I don’t think I’ll be able to do it.” George frowned.

“You can’t finish it with that attitude, silly. You’re annoyingly amazing at everything.” George says with a snort, “I don’t have an answer to this. What did you say that one time? Your future is my future? Well, your dreams are my dreams, then.”

George cringes a little at what he said. He doesn’t know his viewer count, but knows that at least a million people will watch that clip out of context. Dream doesn’t say anything back and moves on to the next question.

“What is your most treasured memory?” Dream asks, and George immediately laughs.

“I definitely know your’s.”

“Do tell, George.”

“Our first Christmas together. Sapnap insisted on getting a real Christmas tree, and when we started decorating the stupid thing, Sapnap sees a spider and screeches. Then, our neighbors come knocking on the front door and you had to explain to them that nobody was being murdered, it was just your roommate being a big baby. And as if it could get any worse, I got tree-sap all on my fingers and clothes and you couldn’t help me because you were laughing too hard.”

“Pretty sure I almost choked on my own spit.” Dream adds, and George scoffs. “But no, that’s not my treasured memory.”

George sputters. “What? You’re telling me I told that to thousands of people for nothing?”

“To be fair, you were all soft on Christmas morning, so our first Christmas might be your treasured memory. Anyways, remember the first time you helped me with a code?” George stays silent, giving Dream the answer. “Well, that was the first time we had a real conversation. I made you laugh, then I started to laugh because you laughed, and we didn’t get the code done. It sounds dumb, but I always smile whenever I think about it.”

George’s face falters a bit. God, he just wants to hug Dream; he wants to make a beeline for his room and attack him with affection and make sure he knows that George loves him, platonically or romantically, George wants him to know.

He just can’t express it with words.

“That… sweet.” George’s eyes travel down the following questions and panics, seeing how personal the questions are. He fakes a yawn. “As mushy and stupid this thing is, I’m really tired.”

Dream doesn’t say anything. It almost scares George, but he deafens on Discord and bids farewell to his viewers, who were completely freaking out. George doesn’t blame them. He’s abruptly leaving after a sweet moment? That’s a recipe for disaster, and George knows better. Yet, he clicks the end stream button.

The door to his office swings open instantly and startles George. It was Sapnap, someone he didn’t particularly want to see.

“What the fuck was that?” His roommate whisper-yells.

George groans and slides deeper into his chair, covering his face. “I don’t know,” he muffles.

“Are you even trying to hide your feelings at this point?” He can hear Sapnap close the door and flop on his office’s couch. “You might as well buy a billboard that says ‘I’m in love with my best friend! His name is Clay!’ with a big ass picture of your dumb face beside it.”

“I know,” George whines. “Do you think he knows?”

“He’s not the one I’m worried about knowing. I’ve told you a million goddamn times that he’s too whipped to notice. I’m worried about the fans. They’re gonna go fucking bonkers because of this stream. Clips are gonna be shared. People are gonna speculate.”

George uncovers his face and narrows his eyes at his friend. “Thanks for the reassurance,” he deadpans.

Sapnap rolls his eyes. “I’m being serious, dude. I know you’re very deeply in love with him in the gayest of ways, but you gotta be careful in front of the fans.”

“Oh my God. I know, Sapnap! I know. I forgot we were even streaming. It felt like it was just the two of us, and I got too comfortable. And it was so nice. I can’t even do anything about it now, so it doesn’t even matter.”

Sapnap sighs and pulls himself from the couch. “You need to talk to him before this gets out of hand. You know I love ya, and that I’m here for you.” George cringes out of habit, but nods. It reads as ‘I love you too, I guess’.

Sapnap leaves without another word, and George is left alone with his thoughts. It’s not long before he sluggishly makes his way back to his bedroom. He opens the closed door, enters, and shuts it. He turns around, only to be greeted by a familiar person in his bed, and yelps.

Dream laughs. He’s wearing blue pajama pants and a white t-shirt. His hair looks messed with, and his cheeks seem to have more color to them. George can’t help but stare.

“Well? Aren’t we gonna finish it?”

George cocks an eyebrow.

“Finish what?”

“The questions, dummy. You don’t… you don’t have to. I mean, it’s kinda stupid that I want to do it in the first place, but…” Dream trails off. George hops on his bed and grins lightly.

“Go for it.”

They answer questions they skipped, like what is your most terrible memory (“My, uh, grandma. She died when I was about 14. It was… hard on me.” “Oh, George…”).

The overhead light was off at this point, the only light coming from a lamp on his desk and the stars shining through the window. The two are on their sides, Dream on the right of the bed and George on the left, facing each other, occasionally looking at their phones to ask the questions.

“What roles do love and affection play in your life?” Dream asks, his voice softer than ever. George can almost not answer. He doesn’t know.

“I’ve never been a super affectionate person, so I don’t know. I’ll give you guys quick hugs of course, but with really close relationships, I don’t know what to do.”

Dream looks as if he’s searching for something in George’s face, and George can’t tell what he’s looking for. His movements are hesitant, George sees.

“Do- um. You wanna maybe,” Dream pauses, closes his eyes,and scrunches up his face. “Try?”

“Try what?”

“Affection.” Dream lets out a breath and opens his eyes. “Affection is my strong suit, afterall.” His mouth forms into a teasing smirk despite his eyes showing nervousness.

“Um. Take the lead.”

It’s slow. So, very slow. Dream’s hand raises up and lands itself on the dip of George’s waist. He’s whispering instructions, and George listens. His hands are hung around Dream’s neck, and their legs are starting to tangle together. They laugh when they realize how far apart they are, and Dream pulls him closer. George can feel his heart beating out of his chest as he lays his head where Dream’s right shoulder meets his neck.

“Do you want me to ask the rest of the questions, sweetheart?” It sounded like a coo, and George is surprised at how effortless the pet name comes out of Dream’s mouth.

“Was that okay?” Dream whispers after a moment of George going still. He perks up.

“Yeah! Yeah.”

“Okay.” Dream pulls George closer and rests his left hand on his back. He starts rubbing up and down in slow motions.

George simply melts.

The questions and answers go by slower, and their voices become gentler. Dream announces that they’re on section three now, and to state three true “we” statements. Dream goes first.

“We… are cuddling?”

“Obviously, idiot.” George chuckles. “We are really tired?” Dream hums.

“We meant everything we’ve said tonight.”

“We are going to mean everything we say tonight.”

“You can’t just steal my answer.”

“Just do your third one.”

“We will be ‘Dream and George’ forever.”

Forever is a long, long time. And yet, Dream’s statement is still true.

“We don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“Very vague.”

“Next question, Dream.”

“Alright, alright. Complete this sentence: ‘I wish I had someone whom I could share…’”

Without a second thought, George replies, “My emotions with. Your turn.”

George swears he felt Dream squeeze him.

“My everything with. Every single little thing. Physical, metaphorical, emotional.”

“Even Patches?”

A laugh.

“Yes. Even Patches.”

“Next question.”

“Tell your partner what you like about them and be very honest.”

“Your voice. It’s like… I don’t even know how to describe it.”

“Does it get you going, George?”

“Shut up. I definitely don’t like your smart-assery.” George can feel Dream lean down into George’s shoulder and smile. “I like how you act around people. It’s always different depending on the person. Different with me.”

“I like how you act around people too. You’re almost always bubbly, even though you like to say you aren’t. And, God, your laugh. It’s so overwhelming, but in the best way possible. You have no idea how many times I’ve said the stupidest shit just to hear your little laugh.” George digs his head deeper into Dream’s shoulder. “I also… really like it when you say my name. My real name.”

George raises slightly, gaining the tiniest bit of confidence. “Clay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that.”

“Clay,” George whispers.

“George.” Dream sounds weak. So, very weak. George gets closer to his ear.

“Clay.”

George can’t tell if he’s joking.

“You’re gonna kill me, George.”

George’s lips brush against the outer of Dream’s ear, and his friend shivers. He decides this isn’t a joke anymore. He thinks the invisible line they had drawn in the sand many years ago has been kicked and stomped on to the point where neither of them remembers the line being there. George goes further.

“Clay, Clay, Clay,” George is still whispering, slowly brushing his lips across Dream’s jaw, and the hands around his waist get the littlest bit tighter.

George finally raises his head to meet Dream, who was a mess. His cheeks are glowing and his eyes are almost bloodshot. His breath is labored and his hands are shaky.

“Calm down, love.” George whispers and raises his right hand to meet Dream’s cheek, who leans into the touch.

“Kiss me.” Dream begs quietly, as if saying anything louder would shatter the moment in little pieces.

An adrenaline rush fills George’s veins. “Anything you want,” he says, and closes the gap.

The kiss is soft. Dream is maneuvering their bodies to be more comfortable, meaning George is pulled on top of Dream. Their lips didn’t part once.

They move together in harmony, both in the kiss and their bodies, putting everything they got into it. It was unsaid feelings and years and years of thoughts, and George felt every single one of them. George is straddling Dream’s middle and Dream is leaning up to meet George’s touch. His hands are rubbing up and down and squeezing George’s hips and George’s hands find their way into Dream’s hair. It’s perfect and imperfect and everything George has been waiting for, yearning for.

They part, and Dream pushes their foreheads together. George assumes they look dumb, but how could he care in this moment?

“Beautiful. You’re beautiful.” Dream says, his breath tickling George’s mouth. He lets out a breath and breaks out into a smile. His hands start brushing through Dream’s hair and George backs away to get a good look. Dream is staring back.

George lunges forward and wraps his arms around Dream’s neck, sending him flat on the bed with an “oof”.

“Jesus Christ, George. A warning would be nice.”

“I love you. I-love-you-I-love-you-I-love-you-I-love-you-I-love-you-I-love-you-” George couldn’t get enough of saying it. George’s dam cracked when Dream held him and fucking exploded when they kissed. He doesn’t have to hold back anymore, so he doesn’t.

“Slow down, baby.” Dream says through a chuckle. He makes George lean up with tans hands on pale cheeks and a lot of eye contact. “I love you, too.”

George’s breathing slows down to a normal, less-adrenaline-filled pace, and Dream kisses him again. George forces his head back up.

“What does this mean for us?”

“Isn’t it a little obvious?”

“Not really.”

“Boyfriends, George. We’re dating now.”

“How do you know I wanted to even be your boyfriend.” George narrows his eyebrows in faux-suspicion.

Dream’s stare is blank. “I mean. You’re- well- you know, um-”

George dismisses this shortly and confirms, “I want to be your boyfriend.”

Dream sighs in relief. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Yeah. Whatever.” George slides off Dream’s waist and lays facing him. Dream turns as well. “Was that question the last question?”

“No, actually. There were a few left.” Dream blinks, then muses, “Guess we didn’t need 36 questions after all.”

“That was the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said and I hate you for it.”

“You wound me, George. You wound me.”

George makes up for it by letting himself be engulfed in Dream’s embrace, and feels tiny kisses on the top of his head. George nuzzles closer.

Yeah, everything was going to be fine.

#idk how to tag this but um anyways u should read this #I SPEEDRAN THIS SHIT IN 3-4 HOURS #dnf fic #dreamnotfound #dnf #dreamnotfound fic #dnf fic rec #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound

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mgg-theprettiestboy · 4 years

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Badboy Matthew blurb pls. Go to town, make it as badboy and smutty/fluffy as your ovaries want 💕🍑

hmmm i think i'm gonna do it like badboy college! Matthew au, cause irl matthew is only a bad boy in the sheets. everywhere else he is a babbling idiot and i love him

–

you loved your roommate, you really did. you didn't mind the excessive smoking or drinking or sleeping until 2pm, cause she was a nice person. but lily’s friends? they scared the hell out of you.

she only laughed when you told her.

“they're all harmless, trust me. i know a lot of the boys look kinda scary, but don't let them intimidate you. especially not gubler. he's got the whole dark and broody thing going on. but he's a good guy.”

and thats how you ended up going to a party with lily. well. it wasn't a party, more of a hangout.

you weren't an innocent sweet college girl, but standing in the middle of this house, you looked like an angel among devils. most of lily’s friends dressed in dark colours. more alt clothing, not like dark academia. you had put on a sexy as hell dark red dress, but you felt like you looked like a child.

you stayed sat on a sofa, and lily stayed near by, but was chatting to her friends. you were happily nursing a beer when you felt the sofa dip beside you. you glanced to your right to see matthew sitting there, a red solo cup in his hand that he drank from, before his eyes scoured over his friends in front of him, before landing on you. you realised you were staring, so you looked away quickly, but you knew he saw. you were just glad he didn't say anything. you were embarrassed enough.

you had to stop yourself from staring as a girl came up, practically leaping into matthew’s lap. she had a really pretty bralette on, and some shorts, and her short blonde hair bounced as she spoke. being bi was aa struggle. everyone was so good looking. she slowly stopped chatting, as she realised matthew wasn't responding to her.

“i was kinda hanging out with y/n,” he said to the girl, who just blushed lightly, “shit, my bad. i didn't think you guys were talking.”

she excused herself with a smile, before leaving.

“you know my name?” you asked, and he looked at you funny, “you're lil’s roommate.”

“i-i know, i just didn't think you knew who i was,” you said, and he shrugged, “we all know who you are. we make a point of knowing the pretty girls names.”

you didn't respond. didn't know how to.

“why did you tell her we were hanging out? we’re just sitting here,” you changed the subject, and he shrugged again, “thats hanging out. technically.”

“I guess,” you replied, and he looked to you, “do you want me to leave you alone?”

“no,” you said, meeting his gaze, “please don't leave me. i don't know anyone else here.”

he nodded, moving his arm so it rested on the back of the couch behind you, “don’t worry pretty girl. i'll take care of you.”

a few days later

“come on, lily, lets go,” artie whined as lily finished her makeup. she flipped him off, “beauty takes time. explains how you get ready so quickly.”

“where's your pretty roommate?” matthew asked, and lily raised a brow, but bit her tongue, “she's at the library. being a good student, or something.”

“we can pick her up on the way? gubler’s driving,” artie said, practically dragging lily out of the room. lily just laughed, “you know she's kinda scared of you guys, right?”

“no, really? I couldn't tell by her big wide doe eyes every time she sees us, and the fact that she goes all quiet,” artie teased, “she looked so uncomfortable when she came over to the house, i thought she was going to bolt.”

Matthew stayed quiet as he drove to the library, and waited outside when lily went in to kidnap you. he looked up to see lily dragging you out of the library, his lips quirking up as he watched you try hold onto the door handle as lily dragged you to the car. she opened the door and practically shoved you into the car, “shut up and get in! you have the rest of your life to study!”

“my test is at 9am! so I actually only have 12 hours!” you argued, grunting as you were shoved further into the car as lily climbed into the back beside you. she closed the door and rolled her eyes, “you're a smartie pants, you’ll be fine.” “i-i’m not even gonna argue anymore, I don't care. where are we going?” you sighed, putting on your seatbelt.

“we’re all meeting up in the park to drink and smoke. do you smoke, y/n?” artie glanced back to you as Matthew began to drive, “sometimes, yeah. i won't tonight, thought. cause I have that test tomorrow.”

“makes sense,” artie nodded, “i brought some sodas to mix with vodka and stuff, but you can just have the soda.”

“thanks,” you said softly, glancing out the window as you made your way to the park. when you got there, the four of you sat down on a blanket on the ground, and you happily hung out with them as they smoke and drank, and more of their friends began to join as well. eventually, lily and artie left to go... god knows where, and left you with Matthew.

you were both sitting in a comfortable silence, before you felt a warmth come over you. you looked to him, to see him moving back to sit after he had sat his jacket over your shoulders.

“i could see the goosebumps on your arms,” he said, and you nodded slowly, your smile beginning to grow as you put your arms through the sleeves, “thanks.”

he snorted a laugh, and you tilted your head as you looked to him. he smiled slightly as he explained, “you're drowning in my jacket. seriously. how tall are you?”

you rolled your eyes, “I'm 5′7. thats not exactly small.”

he deadpanned, “I'm 6′1. you're tiny.”

you scoffed, “I am not! take that back.”

“no, cause its true. you're tiny.”

you narrowed your eyes at him, and he just stared at you in return. you sighed and rolled your eyes, “I hate you.”

“you hate me? then give me my jacket back,” he said, beginning to smile again. “you’ll have to pry it off my body,” you challenged, folding your arms. he raised a brow, “oh, you're gonna regret that.”

“what?” you said, before you squealed as he easily pushed you to the ground, casually hanging over you, using one hand to prop himself up. you just giggled, feeling a little dizzy. he smiled, and you spoke before your brain could stop you, “you have a pretty smile.”

“yeah?” he asked, leaning down closer to you. you felt your heart skip a beat, before nodding slowly, “yeah.”

“everything about you is pretty,” he said quietly, resting his hand on your chin to tilt you head up before pressing his lips to yours. you could feel the coldness from the rings on his fingers, but the softness of his lips balanced it out. you slowly returned the kiss, enjoying it way too much to pull back. unfortunately, Matthew was the one to move away. he chuckled at seeing you pout, pecking your lips once before speaking, “i don’t want you to feel like i'm using you.”

you smiled softly, and this time, he felt his heart skip a beat, “i don’t feel like that.”

“good. cause I'm gonna do that again,” he said, before leaning down and capturing your lips with his again.

okay i kinda like this

also I got carried away and wrote too much what else is new

#mgg #spencer reid #mgg angst #mgg fanfiction #mgg fluff #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #mgg fic #mgg gifs #mgg x y/n #mgg blurb #mgg x reader #mgg smut

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writingwithcolor · 4 years

Text

B’nei mitzvah in spaceship without Jewish community | Jewish character celebrating Christmas

Hi! Thank you so much for running this blog. I appreciate how much time and effort all the mods have put into it. I finished reading through the whole Jewish tag a few days ago, and I’ve learned so much! I’m writing a Voltron fic (I *know* lol) and decided to make one of the protagonists a white nonbinary Ashkenazi Reform Jewish girl. Her astronaut brother mysteriously disappears in space and is presumed dead, so she runs away from home a couple of months before her b'nei mitzvah to find him. Now, she’s in a group of rebels in space fighting against an Empire. I have two concerns:

1. Everyone on the ship misses home, so part of the way they cope is through getting in touch with their cultures. They’re gonna celebrate (a mostly non-Americanized) Christmas because it matters a lot to some of the characters for non-religious reasons. To what extent can my Jewish character participate in the celebration without it being weird? I want her to enjoy herself more because she’s with her friends than because Jesus etc. They’ll also celebrate Chanukah, if that helps. I know Chanukah isn’t a major holiday, so I also want to have her celebrate a more significant one like Rosh Hashanah and/or Purim with them. Is it okay for gentiles to participate in those holiday celebrations, or should she do that alone?

2. Throughout most of the story, she’ll struggle with choosing whether to prioritize fighting the Empire or finding her brother and bringing him home. When she eventually does find her brother (who also turns out to be a rebel), he lets her decide whether they stay or go home. I thought it would be nice if she decided to stay and keep fighting for the greater good after she finally has her b'nei mitzvah. Her friends and other experiences are also a big part of why she decides to stay, but the b'nei mitzvah would be what gives her the final push she needs to decide. I don’t know if it would be okay for me to write the ceremony itself or if she can even have one if only two of the eight people on the ship are Jewish. I read that not everyone has a b'nei mitzvah and that it’s not required, but I feel like it’d be a big deal to her character. Should I keep the b'nei mitzvah idea, or am I heading towards appropriative territory here?

I want to make her Jewishness a big part of her character’s growth, and I really want to make sure I do it respectfully and accurately. I plan on finding a sensitivity reader when I’ve made more progress with actually writing everything out. Thank you for any insight you might offer!

It feels off to me to join a community symbolically when you’re far away FROM the community. Why not just have had her already have done the ceremony before she has all these adventures? That way it could just be a straightforward story about a Jewish teen having exciting heroic adventures in space, rather than a story about what happens when you have to miss aspects of Jewish life because you’re in space. It would also make the “….well, I guess I’m around for Christmas” bit less weighted because then that would be the only one of those instead of having two of those.

–Shira

I’ll cover some other territory here. For those who don’t know, b'nei mitzvah is something you just automatically become at the correct age, the ceremony is simply to celebrate that with the community. Not all people have the ceremony, but if you are Jewish, and of age (for religious purposes), your status changes with or without it. Personally, I’m comfortable with showing a Jewish character finding a way to have a Jewish celebration when the circumstances are less than ideal, for me the other aspects of the story are more troubling.

On the subject of having a Jewish character celebrate Christmas with their friends… look I don’t like this trope. There are many Jewish people, who are completely secular, who don’t celebrate Christmas, because it is explicitly a Christian holiday, and secular Jewish people are still Jewish. Some Jewish people (secular or otherwise) do choose to celebrate other holidays, and I am very comfortable with those folks telling their own stories. What I’m not happy with is the push from outside of the community for every Jewish character to slide into assimilation.

Some Jewish people will go to Christmas parties and not eat the food, because they keep kosher, or won’t stay for a tree-lighting, because that feels like it goes too far, or will give presents but not receive them. There are a huge number of ways we might handle Christmas, and I appreciate that you plan to show holidays other than just Chanukah (and yes, it’s fine for non-Jewish characters to join her in her holidays, if she invites them), but I always question why a non-Jewish writer is so keen to show Jewish characters celebrating Christmas. The most generous version of me wants to assume that you get so much out of Christmas that you want to share it, but the part of me that knows about the pressures to assimilate, and the history of increased antisemitic violence around Christmas thinks… just leave this kid alone. She missed her celebration, she’s far from her community, and now she has to go put on a Happy Assimilated Smile for the culturally Christian folks around her. From a nonbinary Jewish perspective, it’s a little unusual for your nonbinary character to use she/her pronouns, and use b'nei mitzvah as a gender neutral alternative to the gendered bat mitzvah. In secular life, at least in the US, it’s not uncommon for people to use multiple pronouns, but I haven’t met, or even heard of, a single person using gendered pronouns secularly, and using new neutral alternatives religiously. It absolutely could happen but, because it is so unusual, to me it reads as either invalidating the character’s gender, or tokenizing her in the religious sphere.

–Dierdra

Shira, I think that’s a really good idea to make the character post-b'nei mitzvah. That way you just have a Jewish character having adventures rather than her culture being The Conflict. (And also, a pre-b'nei mitzvah seems a bit young for this storyline? Can she really consent to fighting alongside the rebels? Do they habitually take unaccompanied children on their ship? To me a teenager would make more sense, but hey it’s not my story!)

Dierdra, your answer regarding the Christmas aspect was awesome and really thorough. Thanks for your thoughts on the pronouns as well, it also jarred with me but I was waiting to hear your opinion as you have lived experience. My worry is if you use gender neutral terms for one but not the other, you risk falling into to the stereotype that only marginalised religious folks have to change our language etc to be inclusive to LGBTQ+ people, but everyone else is fine.

I wanted to come back to the point about Rosh Hashana. First of all, thank you for acknowledging that we have holidays that are more important than Chanukah! Sooo many OP’s don’t know that. In terms of how she would celebrate it, I agree it’s fine to invite non-Jewish people along. However, given how community-based Jewish life is, making her keep Yom Tov on her own feels a bit like a torture story, especially when others have people to celebrate Christmas with. I wonder if you’ve thought about giving her a Jewish friend on the ship? Especially if you want her Jewishness to be part of her growth as you mentioned, an older Jewish friend and mentor could be a huge help :)

–Shoshi

As you can see, we have a wide range of possibilities for “what happens when you ask a Jewish person about celebrating Christmas.” I didn’t mind hanging around it as an outsider myself until a certain subset of Christians started being mean-spirited about it in the news plus some personal trauma that time of year, as long as everyone involved was clear that I was just participating from the outside and this didn’t somehow change me. (If I may make an analogy: compare it to going to a baby shower when you want to support your friend or family member but also really don’t want kids of your own. You’re going to have a whole different experience if your decision is respected vs. if all the other guests treat you like you being there means you’ll change your mind about not wanting kids.)

That being said, it’s still all over the map. Some people IRL are okay even going to mass with their partner’s Catholic family (without participating in communion obvs.) Some would never, ever do that and are sitting here with shocked faces that I even typed that. But what becomes important is the way it’s written. Sitting around listening to the Christmas story is probably a bad fit for your fanfic, but helping other people bake Christmas cookies or put ornaments on a tree could work. The ornament thing could remind her of decorating a sukkah, and she could point that out to the others.

I guess I’m saying is

keep her participation secular, and

keep her participation from leaning into the idea that we’re unhappy with our customs and would prefer to do it their way.

I have literally never in my life felt jealous of the kids who “got to do Santa” (for example) and while I’m sure some kids were and they’re valid too, I think it’s important to show that it’s not a universal phenomenon.

–Shira

#jewish #non binary #B’nei mitzvah #holidays #Christmas #Jewish Holidays #submission

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shinylitwick94 · 3 years

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Shinylitwick's summer (SF/)Fantasy reads - Part I

As it turns out trying to complete the r/fantasy book bingo and not wanting to get into heavy reads this year meant that I spent most of my summer reading almost exclusively SFF, and I read a lot of it. I'm sharing my thoughts on these with anyone who might be interested in them. This covers books I read between july and the first week of september 2021. I'll be doing this in two parts because it would be too long otherwise.

As a reminder, these are personal thoughts, not professional reviews, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Without further ado:

Under Heaven, by Guy Gavriel Kay

By this point I think I can say pretty firmly I’m a fan of GGK. I just really enjoy his “alternate history with a dash of fantasy” stuff, and I like his writing and the fact that he’s so good at capturing that sort of bittersweet melancholy I’m a huge junkie for.

That being said, Under Heaven started off amazing, spent a lot of time in eh, and finished solid. I like it, but it’s my least favorite of his books so far. I think it essentially suffers from making promises it doesn’t deliver on. There’s a lot of stories which go nowhere, which I’m sometimes fine with, but I don’t think it worked here. Especially with the sister. I have very little familiarity with Chinese history, but from what I’ve read in other reviews, he stuck rather more closely to the history here than he usually does, which maybe limited his ability to maneuver his characters. Still, I would recommend it, if this is your style.

The Last Wish, by Andrzej Sapkowski

I’ve tried reading this before…in Russian. Don’t know why I thought that was a good idea (something about maybe a better translation?). Anyway, my Russian obviously wasn’t up to scratch and the books are polish anyway.

So, English translation it was. As many of you will know this is actually a short story collection, which is the first part of the Witcher book series. I’d already watched the tv show, and played a bit of the game, so some of the stories were new to me, and others weren’t.

I liked how the book highlighted the “twisted fairytale” aspect of some of these (e.g Snow White, Rumplestiltskin) – that didn’t really come across so well in the adaptations. I think altogether it was a fun and enjoyable read.

The Farthest Shore, by Ursula Le Guin (Book 3 in the Earthsea Cycle)

Ursula Le Guin made me cry again. I’ve been talking about Le Guin a lot recently, with a friend who’s read a lot of her nonfiction, but none of her fiction, while I’ve for the most part just read the fiction. She’s one of those authors who just seems to get it, and who knows how to use the genre to its full extent. Magic and dragons aren’t just a toy, but a tool to actually say something.

She does that across the board, of course, but Farthest Shore hit me harder than the other Earthsea books have, maybe because imho it’s the saddest so far. There’s a lot about death, acceptance, and time passing, and responsibility in this which I really liked. I feel like it manages to get its themes across in a way that is crystal clear, but not ham-fisted. I loved this book, I really did, but I feel like I will need to read it again in a few years, and I’m sure it will be a different read then.

One of many nice quotes:

“When I was young, I had to choose between the life of being and the life of doing. And I leapt at the latter like a trout to a fly. But each deed you do, each act, binds you to itself and to its consequences, and makes you act again and yet again. Then very seldom do you come upon a space, a time like this, between act and act, when you may stop and simply be. Or wonder who, after all, you are.”

The Black Company, by Glen Cook (Book 1 in the Chronicles of the Black Company)

This was sold to me as the granddaddy of grimdark fantasy, and I can certainly see it. It’s clearly influenced a lot of later fantasy authors (Erikson, Abercrombie, to some extent Martin). Yet somehow it manages to be less explicit, or graphic, than some modern grimdark. It can be pretty gross too, but it knows how to cut away when necessary and is usually smart about implying things. I also really liked the basic concept of following characters who work for the Dark Lord (or Dark Lady in this case). The characters themselves are interesting enough – in this first book we don’t go super in depth on a lot of them, but the ones we’re stuck with are decent, and the story holds. Still, I felt like this was more a worldbuilding book than a character book, if that makes sense. And I did like the world. It’s appropriately dark and petty and sucks, but hey that’s what we’re here for.

So overall, I enjoyed it and would recommend to anyone who is interested into the more grimdark side of fantasy. Stay away from it if that’s not your thing or you’re super squeamish.

(most of Tumblr dni I guess)

The Empress of Salt and Fortune, by Nghi Vo

This was a fun little read. I had no idea what to expect going in and I ended up enjoying it. The story follows a nonbinary monk as they go through the affairs of a deceased empress and in discussion with Rabbit, the said empress’s servant, learn her story. The story is mostly told by Rabbit and each section follows a particular object. I liked how that was set up and the way in which the whole picture was slowly revealed to the reader. It’s apparently been read as a feminist story and I can see where that reading comes from, and it was likely intentionally so. It wasn’t the most important part of this to me, but up to you to judge.

I will say though, and this is not the book’s fault, but mine, that reading a story where the POV character uses they/them pronouns was more confusing than I anticipated. I kept expecting there to be more of them at random points in the narrative, and having to backtrack to understand.

It’s a short nice read, but definitely something I feel more comfortable recommending to people here than irl.

Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett (Discworld)

Not much to say here. Discworld is Discworld and can do no wrong, apparently. This might be one of my favorites so far. Loved Granny to pieces, it was fun, it was funny, it was thoughtful without being heavy. It’s the Discworld, what can you do.

The House in the Cerulean Sea, by T.J. Klune

This was pure tooth-rotting fluff, which I think I kind of needed to balance out my reading. It’s cute, it’s cheesy, it’s wholesome it owns it and is proud of it. It’s very LGBT friendly. It’s a good guys win, bad guys lose, discrimination dies today kind of thing.

I’m surprised it’s not bigger on Tumblr tbh (it’s not non-existent either, I checked, just smaller than expected; maybe it’s too nice?).

Anyway, I did like it, and I’m exaggerating just a little bit on the cheesiness. It’s a sweet little story about a character who would normally be played by Martin Freeman (if a bit chubbier) learning that there is more to life than Rules and Regulations and finding love and a family.

If that’s your sort of thing, give it a shot.

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dulce-pjm · 3 years

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get to know me tag game !!

tagged by the lovely @hauntedlilies !! thanks sweet m! these are always fun :))

as usual i rambled and got a little personal with the answers so you know all you followers keep building up the blackmail material i guess LOL

When is your birthday?

january 15!

What is your favorite color?

ahhh it’s always changing but rn i’m vibing with purple, pink, green, and yellow :))

What’s your lucky number?

7, 10, 15 :)

Do you have any pets?

yes !!! two cats and two dogs and i adore them !!!

How tall are you?

5′8″ (watch out jimin!! based on the evidence i have seven years left to outgrow you !!!)

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i haven’t a clue

Favorite song?

my go-to answer is always seesaw but tbh it’s so hard to pick !!

Favorite movie?

agghhhhhh how do you choose???? i’ve mostly been watching animated movies recently bc it comforts me so probably your name or monster’s inc :)

What would be your ideal partner?

...park jimin?

LOL in all seriousness... i tend to like extroverts and just people who are super passionate about something !!! both romantically and in any relationship!! honestly oikawa tooru is the template i would drop everything and marry him he is a precious petty idiot and i love him the most

Do you want children?

fjdslgkhsdlkfjlsd not right now !!!! i tend to not answer this question too directly because i have plenty of time to think about it and i don’t want to tie myself to any direction !!!

Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

lol no but i think after a quick scroll through my tumblr you could have guessed that

What color socks are you wearing?

no socks !!! unless it’s winter and i’m freezing sleeping in socks is a crime >:( but earlier i was wearing pink and purple socks !

Bath or shower?

depends !! but i never feel clean after a bath and still end up showering, the bath is just for me to chill

Favorite type of music?

hmmmm kpop, musical theatre, minecraft music LOL

How many pillows do you sleep with?

four !! SLFKJLDSGH lol

Which position do you sleep in?

depends !!! i used to sleep exclusively on my stomach but i’ve changed a bit and honestly any position is possible! but no matter what i am cuddling a pillow (with the other three piled around me) and probably holding my own hand LOL

What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

being cold :( i can deal with hot but being freezing is terrible !! i like to spread out but when you’re cold you have to like curl yourself up to preserve heat

What do you have for breakfast?

cold leftovers are the ideal breakfast <3 i used to like breakfast foods but most of them just make me nauseous now so i end up just eating leftovers or coffee/tea

Have you ever tried archery?

like once? like literally did one shot. was not good

Favorite fruit?

strawberries !!!! yum yum yum (after that probably mango)

Favorite swear word?

i don’t know that i have a favorite but i say fuck the most LOL

Do you have any scars?

yes !! i’m clumsy so i have many burn scars on my hands from cooking or curling my hair (the biggest one was very creatively named Mark by my bestie and beta reader @delayedimperfection). i also have several scars from my psycho/lovely cat on my arms and hands (and then i went in the sun after getting several of them and yeah they probably will never go away it’s fine)

Are you a good liar?

nope !!! especially if you know me i think my tells are just easy to pick up on!! i rarely win as imposter in among us :( tragic

What’s your personality type?

infp-t!! i think that’s what this is asking

What’s your favorite type of girl?

all !!!!

Left or right handed?

right !! my left hand is useless <33

Favorite food?

sushi !!!! it’s filling but a lot of food makes me nauseous nowadays and i never feel that way after eating sushi

Are you clean or messy?

messy !!

Favorite foreign food?

well i guess sushi LOL but i am always down to try something new!

How long does it take for you to get ready?

depends on how greasy my hair is!! anywhere from five minutes to an hour-ish

Most used phrase?

lol probably “oh my gosh” and “oh my god.” i also say this phrase that’s like from a specific city but i honestly do not even know to spell it it’s like gibberish i don’t even know

**update (not that anyone was asking) but i did some research and the phrase is jeezle petes!! it’s not exclusive to the city i picked it up from but that one city is how i learned it :))

Are you a good singer?

lol i’d like to hope so !!! i did musical theatre for several years so if i’m terrible well whoops? lol

Do you sing to yourself?

of course !!!

Biggest fear?

ummmm idk i am such a scaredy cat so i’d say most things spook me !! i guess i’d say abandonment as a serious answer and ghosts as a silly(ish) one

Do you like long or short hair?

i generally like shorter hair (on myself and other people) but i mean different hairstyles suit different people !!

Are you into gossip?

idk i don’t like to speculate and i try to always give people the benefit of the doubt but !!! if it’s me and my mom in the car well then no fucking mercy

Extrovert or introvert?

introvert !!!! if you message me first i’ll love you forever (also hence why i love extroverts, they balance me out !!)

Favorite school subject?

i love love love chemistry and any kind of science !!!! (definitely haven’t projected that into any of my fics no no no...)

What makes you nervous?

being in unfamiliar places !! i hate feeling lost or feeling like people can tell that i’m lost

Who was your first real crush?

fjdlsghsdlk idk... i have such a hard time expressing and processing romantic feelings that i’m not really sure that i’ve had one !!! my best guess is probably my best friend a few years ago but honestly i don’t really even think i had a crush, i was just trying to reciprocate how he felt SJLDGKJLSDGKH this is soooo personal anyways~~~~~

How many piercings do you have?

i used to have three in each ear but due to some unfortunate circumstances two (in each ear) grew in :( i plan to get them re-pierced soon though !!

How fast can you run?

GJLSDGHLDKF idk ????? i’d like to think i’m relatively fast because i have longer legs but honestly that’s such a lie i have to be in fear to really be fast LOL

What makes you angry?

hmmm!! tbh it takes a lot to make me mad, i’m pretty chill and usually i get sad/upset rather than actually angry! but the quickest way to make me mad is to like expect something from me and never communicate it!! i can’t read your fucking mind i’m the biggest people pleaser i know and would probably bend over backwards for you if you just told me GJSLDKFHL yes this is about a very specific set of instances <3333

Do you like your own name?

yeah, actually !! naomi is an alias, i chose it just for fun, but i like my irl name too :)

What are your weaknesses?

my crippling self doubt :’) also i’m so ticklish it isn’t funny. hmmmm i also tend to put other people’s needs before my own and then let them take advantage of that GHLSDKFJS it’s fine. AND i need everyone to like me all the time especially when they are mean to me (which makes me easy to manipulate unfortunately flsdkghdlskfj why am i giving out this info)

What are your strengths?

i think i give okay advice and i’m good at teaching other people things !!! i’ve also been told i’m very genuine and honest :)

What is the color of your bedspread?

grey !!

Color of your room?

lol grey, white, and then honestly just an assorted bunch of colors

this was fun !!! tagging @softbobamilktae, @moon-write, and @jtrbluv !!!

#tag game #hauntedlilies

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