#and started to do that overview

[aparticularbandit]

adding another chapter of dr1 end rewrite fic to the backlog.

i now have seven chapters of this in backlog (including the prologue and the...interlude?, which are both significantly shorter as chapters).

i have also broken 15k on this fic.

....

and they haven't gotten past the first day. ><;;;;;;

#musings #bandit writes fic #dr1 end rewrite fic #bandit fic backlog #this last chapter was supposed to be the beginning of the next day but like #given where i left kyoko and junko i needed to move them elsewhere #and started to do that overview #and then THIS chapter happened so like #i'm enjoying this a lot actually #XD #it's comforting to write i guess #my therapist says i use writing to process stuff #i have no idea what i'm using this to process #maybe it's just an escape for right now #or maybe i'll figure it out later! #who knows! #(God. God knows.)

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

Hi! Marine biology is an interest of mine and finding your blog was like a goldmine to me. Unfortunately my city doesn't offer a program for it and learning myself always feels overwhelming past the basic fun facts stuff. Are there any websites, video series, or books you'd recommend? Something that introduces more technical terms/concepts would be great, but I'm really open to anything :)

Sorry if you've been asked this or if you don't really have an answer :,D

I have answered similar asks before, here is one and here is another! But things more on the web, hmm... I'm afraid I don't know exact places to go looking for technical terms, sorry to say. My recommendations will definitely have to do more with things on the funnier side. For one, I definitely recommend checking out @montereybayaquarium here on Tumblr, they have fun and educational content! And my buddy @bethanythebogwitch has a Wet Beast Wednesday -series where she goes more in depth about a specific aquatic animal each Wednesday, I always reblog them because they're so good but there's a whole collection if you haven't seen! Also shoutout to Hakai magazine that has many articles about conservation, environmentalism and other cool news related to the oceans, it was recommended by my other buddy @eros-vigilante!

That's about it, I sadly rarely remember to note down the things I'm watching ^^'' The only YouTuber whose name I can recall is Ze Frank, because his username is so different and his videos really stick with you. He has a "true facts" series! And I did also find the coastal seas episode of Our Planet on YouTube too, so that's a fun place to go to, too.

Hope this helps! I'm glad that marine biology is of great interest to you! :3

#whenever i want to find more technical terms related to things like anatomy i just go look up xyz anatomy etc. #but this obviously will not work if youre just starting out. youd need to know what youre looking for to even start looking! #i tend to do research topic-by-topic. overview and distribution and behaviour and anatomy and life history and so on #but again this works for certain groups of animals. not in general for marine biology #doerqpfergböots sadly im not too much of help when it comes to researching because i always just jump in TToTT #asks #anon #anonymous #anonymous asks #important

[sheltershock]

I have a fun (fanfic) idea that builds around the idea that oh, Sasha is bad a levitation, but Milla is bad a marksmanship. Not just, that they’re bad, but that they’re so bad at it that they can technically levitate/psi blast, but they just do it so wrong it has no effect.

For example, Milla can concentrate a blast of energy from her mind, and she’s pretty good at targeting, but she doesn’t do any damage. It’ll just gently push the target, but only push it enough to where you need special tools to measure the change.

Meanwhile Sasha can create the lev ball and float, and it can exist for a long time without bursting, but it doesn’t suspend or lift anything. If you stand on the lev ball it can support your weight, but it’s stationary. It cannot move. So my idea is that they got assigned to be partners because they have mastery over their own skills and hopefully will teach the other how to actually have function in their powers. The reason they don’t work right is because they’re not in the right mental space and trying to use the opposite technique to achieve similar results.

That and trauma. Milla doesn’t like concentrating/focusing on her own feelings because a lot of her negative emotions is related to the fire, which she wrongfully blames herself for. She’d much rather let her emotions flow from place to place, intensity to intensity than have to face and concentrate on her guilt. Meanwhile Sasha doesn’t want to let his mind wander, because he knows what it’s going to drift to. He’s pretty good at regulating his emotions but not so much reflecting on why he is having an emotion, so it’s just a cycle. But ultimately, they’re both stuck in their ways because they’re secretly terrified of getting hurt again.

So naturally they’d both have to develop as instructors and their own personal relationship to make any progress on anything. They start out with an insultingly basic view of each other, but eventually grow realize how deep and interesting they both are as people. They both even start to realize how actually similar they are and realize their own faults by observing the other person. And the further their relationship goes the better understanding they have of one another and the ability to be vulnerable gets easier. They both admit that they’re afraid of hurting someone and (literally and metaphorically) falling, but they assure the other person that they’ll cover them and make sure they’ll be alright. At some point they both realize that this is the closest relationship either of them really have to another person, to trust someone enough to admit your dirtiest, painful secrets and not have the other person react in a way that only makes you feel worse.

This continues until the lessons get adapted into a way that they can improve and their skills actually become effective. Not good, just functional, below average if will. Milla’s blasts can actually do damage now, but she’s still not great at it. If the average agent can do three(3) damage per blast, and Sasha can do five(5) per blast as an expert, Milla can shoot for about one(1)-two(2) damage per shot. And Sasha can float and move quicker on a lev ball, but the average agent can do basic movements like moving diagonally, Milla can do elaborate flips and poses and stunts, but Sasha can only move in a straight line, and slow descent(in a straight line).

But after they teach each other how to use their skills, they’ve really honed how to work together as a team and thankfully get assigned to work together on missions all the time. So they can truly keep that promise of looking out so they don’t hurt anyone or fall.

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #sasha nein #milla vodello #fanfic idea #slash headcancon I guess? #I’ve had this idea floating in my head for a couple of months but I have like three other projects to work on #sorry if this description/explaination/overview is too basic #but I already have like rough scenes written out #like Sasha leaving Milla to practice for ten minutes alone and she accidentally starts a forest fire panicking from auditory hallucinations #so the psychonauts do psychic training within minds now….to prevent further forest fires #and there’s like arcs planned #milla has an identity crisis after losing the one trait she built herself on: being a mother #Sasha has an arc about being more social and allowing himself to be close with someone other than his mentor #and y’know emotional repression #if they are going to fall in love I specifically want Sasha to fall in love after Milla’s identity crisis is solved and she starts thriving #I don’t really know what else to say #good night I guess? #good night!

[sleepy-stitches]

hello tumblr user sleepy stitches why am i willing to die for ur yuri ocs despite only having seen one line of dialogue from both of them?

sincerely, me

hi tumblr user verysharpfish,

thank you for writing in. at the top of this post i would like to clarify that pahrsi was made by my good friend rye beans, so i cannot at all take credit for her. ariane is my girl though. i would love to blend her. she sucks.

to answer your question, i think it is because they are both completely fucking insane. the dialogue in question is one i picked because i think it's wild out of context, but it stays equally insane in context? this exchange happens maybe two hours after they've met, after pahrsi has stitched up a particularly icky wound ariane has in the back of her leg (obtained from other yuri. thats a story for a different post though). they literally met at a casino and pahrsi talked ariane into taking her back to her place to stitch her up. as a complete stranger. because she thought it would be fun. i need to send her to the shredder.

the whole reason they find themselves drawn to each other in the first place is because they both have girlfriends that they have kind of rocky relationships with, and they remind each other of those girlfriends. it's kind of a weird rebound situation except if they never did anything explicitly romantic and instead just kind of danced around the fact that they're obviously attracted to each other for like two entire years. they make me fucking crazy.

oh and every exchange they have is equally insane. they always talk like this. im struggling to pick my favourite one to add at the end here because all of it is really really good. i think this one is a classic; this is barely a third of the conversation these two have about ariane's potential to kill pahrsi.

what the FUCK is wrong with them

#this is a really really basic overview of how they met and covers basically nothing about why they continue to make me insane #because this is like twenty years in the past and theres a lot going on in the present to make me crazy #but hey gotta start somewhere. idk its like i loooove to talk about these guys. i do. i would love to talk about them forever #but it is soooo much easier if i have like. Directed Questions its kind of hard to unravel their whole deal off the top of my head #all this to say this was fun . bats my eyes at my darling followers you should all ask more #you could even ask about my ocs that are pahrsi's sort-of-kids. theres a whole story there. though less insane than the yuri #arianwyn #pahrsi #13 orphans #placeholder ask tag #verysharpfish #other contenders for dialogue at the end here were secret blackjack and the holes innuendo #but nothing hits like tasteful artistry of a crime scene to me #sure hope the colour coding doesnt suck here but it means i dont have to restructure certain sentences to remove ambiguity so. lol #okay i think thats it thank you for showing interest in these freaks

[12freddofrogs]

Very weird to be in that stage where a show is grabbing hold of your brain, but you haven't finished the show so you cant interact with fandom because spoilers, and you're watching it with someone else so you can't even just keep watching until you finish

#i am enjoying watching it with a friend and tbh having an assigned 'we'll watch it now' time is prob my best chance of finishing #on my own steam i'll probably burn out in s4 or something as per usual #but like its - i figured it would be a fun little zombie supernatural detective type thing #i thought it would be fun but was not expecting to start brainstorming fanfic ideas #granted who knows in advance what shows are going to be blorbos #but like! the charismastic asshole villain has amnesia! everyone is aware he has amnesia and are just kinda like #'we kinda pity you but you still suck' #and when he's just like 'okay?? why??' they were more than happy to give him an overview of the past two seasons #so now he's just like 'oh. okay. i. guess i am a serial killer that i cant remember. how do i deal with that?' #and idk how its going to end but i have a half-drafted plot of him getting his memories back steadily and is just like #'you know i didnt feel bad about it while doing it #but if you want to get some persepctive on your life develop amnesia and look at it from purely objective standpoint.' #or other plots like the time the love interest got arrested abd was being very very concerned about potentially starting an apocalypse #he didnt want to! he desperately didnt want to! but it was a risk #but yeah if i open a fanfic it'll probably say 'oh so how X died in the series finale' or something #and then i'll just have to accept X is dead

[moe-broey]

I do really want to buckle down and get my old WIPs presentable though, even if I do resort to just cleaning up pencil sketches (though ideally I would like to ink and color -- or even just settle for inking).

I talk a lot about my concepts and I feel bad/frustrated that I can't present them...

I would say the Veronica focused comic is like a one-shot, initially planned to have two pages (though only one was sketched/written out).

Meanwhile I have a long ongoing plotline that started off as a non-serious, silly comic, that I ended up having Strong Feelings about actually, which eventually would kick off all of my Askr sibs/Alfàr thoughts. There's a short interlude with Sharena and Lif as well in the og silly comic as well, as I was drawing parallels/trying to grasp the vibe... this comic did actually reach coloring stage, almost all character illustrations are fully colored, bg blank (which. The art is so old. I almost just want to leave it.)

And I guess that Is the nice thing about doing all of this as a hobby, like, nothing Actually has to be done perfectly, it just needs to look presentable. I can take as many or as few shortcuts as I want, and learn in the process what works for me.

Like, actually, I feel like my Henry/Libra/Nowi comic is a fantastic example of that -- the bg is extremely basic (borderline looks childishly done), and I Know I could do way more than that, but. All I really wanted was to draw something quick and fun that was exclusively focused on the characters, the joke, and the actions taking place. The background only existed for the purpose of Making it work -- you need to see that there's a river, that Henry is currently dragging Nowi towards as if he was disposing a body. And later, you need to see the river still, when Libra picks her up and throws her into it. Core point, it doesn't have to Look nice -- it just needs to perform a function.

Something else nice that I learned in letting myself do it poorly is that watercolors are really good for broad quick coverage. Which IS something I knew and was going to utilize in some Genshin comics, which ultimately got abandoned esp bc I lost the interest -- I just haven't actually Used the method in a larger piece. Which! I think is actually what I'm getting at.... being able to draw something small, not serious, with the lowest amount of effort required to serve its purpose, actually helped a lot in conceptualizing how I can approach future projects. And likewise, how I can approach cleaning up older ones that don't quite stand the test of time.... but again, I may just opt for filling in the necessary blanks (fully coloring The Characters if it got to that stage) and cleaning up what I can with updated art (which would end up being pencil sketches).

Another thing is I really want to organize everything somehow, beyond my art tag. Especially because a lot of these thoughts are interconnected, even in the case of the Veronica one-shot. And of course, the other WIPs, while disconnected at first glance, Are the jumping off point for a storyline that has A Lot of different parts. Plus, on top of all that, I actually have a lot of comic/story ideas for my summoner OC. Either to present characterization/parallels, or to be a part of another broader storyline that's interconnected as well.

I think. Maybe the main thing to get sorted Is whatever is closest to being finished, and starting from there. Which also means I'll want to figure out a navigation system..... hgnghghnhghbngh......

#i think w moe plotlines esp backstory i could do something funky w carrd. which wouldn't contain Everything #but would contain the basic overview. friend in artchat linked me to a really cool example of someone's oc #but beyond that like. my one idea is linking each part? but some things don't directly flow into the other? #but it's still all connected? i mean MAYBE the starting point is the more serious thoughts #i had after the silly thoughts. #but now i think i'm overcomplicating it do NOT overcomplicate it overcomplicating it is the project killer‼️‼️‼️ #whatever. look into my twisted mind. it's a fucking mess in here and nothing ever gets done. 😔

[geddy-leesbian]

OH MY GOD HAVE TO FINISH (ONE OF) MY "LUIS BUT IN CODE:VERONICA" AU SOON I AM LITERALLY HIM RN

our landlord illegally shut off our water 2 months ago and we didn't fight it for reasons I won't get into, and like I showered at a gym occasionally but rlly barely bathed bc I'm a disgusting hermit

but now we're staying with my mom's friend and got beat up from moving so I am currently taking a BATH!! for the first time in 2 months and covered in bruises LITERALLY EXACTLY LUIS

putting my bruised leg under the cut I don't give a fuck anymore

#except im way less fucked up than him #u wanna hear a secret? #this is what that out of context thing i posted earlier is from #u wanna hear another secret? #it's also the second chapter of how do you talk to girls #i timeskipped over both RE2 and CV dont worry abt it #but like there's overviews of how both went #like what happen w sherry (it is good) #and then obviously CV bc it literally starts w him getting off the plane home so hes mega beat up #and tells leon abt it bc leon wasnt there #just claire and luis (and chris)

[stardustsea]

My overall opinion on the rwrb movie is that it's very good as a standalone romance movie (not perfect but I wouldn't expect it to be) but it's not a very good adaptation of the book

#i had fun but you need to divorce it from the book to do that imo bc if you start comparing them the movie is suddenly severly lacking #it also tried too hard and not hard enough to stick to some of the source material #i have a lot of thoughts about it and they're more complicated than this but as a general overview this is how i feel #rwrb movie #rwrb spoilers

[githvyrik]

the amount of people in jacob geller’s comments who don’t understand the point he’s pretty clearly making is always staggering but the comments on his new video on executions are like. pretty bad, so many people are like “well I would rather be murdered by the government via injection vs dismemberment and burning to death 🙄” like hey buddy the point of the video is that humane execution point blank does not exist there is no way to kill someone nicely and peacefully. how does the point sail over your head that bad

#reading comprehension truly is not a common skill. oh my god. #anyways pretty good vid especially for ppl new to how much the american government uses fear to control its citizens #and how ‘guilty’ people are viewed as less than human and how rather than actually giving a shit #about the person about to be murdered they care more about how it appears to onlookers #it’s very clearly meant to be a starting point because it really is just an overview on the barbarism of capital punishment #but he provides the sources he looked at so you can do some further reading

[linguenuvolose]

I think an incredibly telling fact about the workings of my inner world and how I work as a person is that when I was 14 in 2012 I watched a video on how to fold clothes (including under wear) into perfect squares and I've been doing that for 10 years now

#today I washed more of less all the socks I own #and of course non of the dryers worked because they never do #so I flattened them and hung them all up folded on the heel so they'd be easier to fold #I didn't have a dryer until moving here 2 years ago so this is how I've been drying socks ever since I started washing them myself #which is just too much work for something that only I will see or care about #but it brings me peace I think it's nice when they are ordered and I can get a good overview in my drawer #yeah... you forget that this is very much not the norm haha #not to be like I knew it before it was cool but I was konmaring way back when #snicksnack

[sysig]

Spin the wheel and get assigned a mood (Patreon)

#Doodles #Hey finally my haircut doodles lol #But a couple before that that's fine lol #I don't remember what I was sad about it was like a month and a half ago lol - probably just the usual comes-up-often kind of thing #I lost my knife again! Guess where it was? Right where I left it just under stuff lol #Well at least I actively know where it is now #Hair cut! I was unsatisfied but I already mentioned that lol #The barber did not follow my instruction :\ I explicitly was like ''I will be mad at you if you leave too much hair'' #''I would literally prefer to be bald and start over than leave it too long on the sides'' #:| Hm. Guess how that went #I swear everyone is a wimp when cutting my hair it's obnoxious |0 I really need to get more confident in doing it myself #Oh yeah and he kept nicking me and then had the Audacity to comment on my ''sensitive skin'' as if hfdlsafjdf I'm fine I'm just grumpy lol #Notifs ♪ Tho always on my days off! Monday is just a good event-start kind of day I suppose #Well it practices my patience and impulse control so it's fine lol #Not-grumpily grumpily enjoying some art lol ♪ Not of a character for a change! Just a nickname for a creator I like haha #They call themselves that I'm just enjoying it haha #Bleh dysphoria :/ It doesn't hit often but that just makes the days it does stick out #At least the rest if general pleased and happies haha ♪ Even if the last one doesn't look like it lol #I finished Animorphs 22 and ahhhhhhhhhhhh ;;;; It was really good but really sad #I knew about it from a series overview I watched before I started reading but it really did hit hard ah #Especially all of them sticking with each other and supporting each other </3 It's sad but lovely they all love each other they're good kids

[exopelagic]

supervisor was met. god help our souls

#I think everything is fine and this is mostly residual anxiety #but also. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #I now have a project area that I can start properly planning out which is good #and I have a vague schedule for the next month which helps a lot #next two weeks have just become very busy bc I have the majority of the writing for my proposal to do #I’m struggling most at this minute I think with why this actually matters #bc looking like my project will be abt spatial structure within populations which like cool interesting #but I do have to talk abt why anyone should care abt this #it is kinda frustrating to me actually bc I wanted to do smth with more immediate relevance now but the area I’ve ended up with #was 1. result of me dropping the topic I actually wanted to do 2. mentioning one of the first things I could figure out smth coherent for #3. supervisor latching onto that from my email and now we’re running with it #so okay like this immediate thing I’m doing won’t have any kind of application bc this is a study system so that’s not the issue #need to think wider abt what you learn from this and generalisability #has relevance to range shifts bc of climate change and from there is important to small scale evolutionary processes #whether you get differentiation or stratification within populations #potentially more relevant to island evolution and like. gene pool stuff? #I think I’m struggling rn bc I’ve not figured out my hypotheses yet and I can test things in a way that will be useful for other things #and there IS still utility in understanding things better come on I was willing to die on the pure science hill for so long #hdhdhsjdhnshdbsb I think I’m slightly frustrated by my supervisor just not thinking very much abt stuff #like he didn’t know the schedule for the proposal deadlines and I don’t think he knows the format tbh #I also had to tell him the focus was on the one year and not the extension bc. dude this is a masters I only have a year what #I know he’s done these before and it wasn’t exactly a surprise that this was coming so I’m kinda confused and a little annoyed #but okay it’s fine it’s fine. I can email him abt importance. and I’ll be asking abt titles around Wednesday once Ive figured out some ideas #rn i need to think about what I would be testing here with what I have available and how I would do it and I can write an overview from that #figure out what are the important questions to ask and I can find stuff that would be relevant to like conservation and shit #bc I KNOW that there’s important stuff here that I’m just not seeing. I might have to link stuff to fitness to get a more rounded analysis #which is also fine I can do that that’s probably a good way to tie the project together honestly. will make that one of the main aims #I think the studies on that are kinda lacking anyway and haven’t been done in a while so would still be filling a gap and if not #I can use THOSE studies for relevance of the project. that’s what im missing i think it’s the next step so I can understand consequences #luke.txt

[diomedrian]

On a side note, I'm about to be so annoying.

#personal #im angry and annoyed about work - VS finally gave in and told me off about work to which i was like i dont see a future here so its hard to #be motivated. besides i was working on this ESG thing w this guy and that was v nice and lot more fun and informative. but i got one thing #right and then did not bother w more of it (this was Wednesday) im sure there was a meeting w out me and there'd be again tomorrow #i want to do this! but im working from 5 to 5...which is a LOT #and balancing friends and partner! which i want to! bc they're extremely important! #but gosh sometimes it all feels too much in a come on im 26 now we can be past this already #n e way!! i FORGOT what this is about omg and went off tangent! this is about greek research!! cannot wait to start doing things!! i know #the focus is a bit more on history than literature but hol up! let me thru!! #and that was a lil overview of my life from 2024 lmao

[youngks-smile]

What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.

#long covid #covid 19 #covid isn't over #pandemic

[lovelesslittleloser]

Someone needs to hold me back or I’ll start writing so many new fanfics that will never see the light of your phone screen

#and most of them are song-based too! which isn’t a bad thing but what the heck! #I’ve got an idea for something using the (translated) lyrics of Aishite Aishite Aishite (the actual lyrics not just some yandere thing) #(though I might do that anyway tbh) #I’ve got an idea for a Friday Night Funkin fanfic that just goes along in story order with some things my brain conjured up #(I’ve got an especially nice image for Week 5 I think. I have so much lore and it’s not even written yet) #AND I’VE ACTUALLY STARTED WRITING THE GENERAL OVERVIEW OF A FANFIC BASED ON Boys Will Be Bugs?!?!?! WTF?!?!?! #if that last one ever sees the light of your phone screen though it will definitely be tagged with some things you would not assume #fanfiction #my fanfiction #fanfic #hold me back #I can’t start another one I’ll lose track of my works #it’ll be so inconvenient

[illusionofwriting]

I typed up the words I wrote during April and what do you know, it did inspire me to continue writing after like a month of not writing at all. Very proud of my estimate of the amount of words too, because I estimated it to be 6.532 and when I'd added everything it was 6.521 longer than before. (Though I did a few edits to the structure so I removed probably a hundred or so words in the process.)

And my gut feeling with this project is very positive atm, even though I know it has huge problems and needs quite extensive editing. But I'm embracing writing a shitty first draft to make it easier for myself to see what I need to do for draft two lol.

And the story as a whole is at 19.3k now, so almost 20k!! Woo! And I'm just at the midpoint turn, so that feels pretty good length wise. I know there are lots of things that need to be cut and merged, but there are also points that I absolutely skipped in the first act and the first half of the second act so it'll probably work out to about the same? Is my theory but I honestly have no clue.

It's weird seeing such a messy draft because I know what the story is supposed to be even if it's not really doing the things I want it to do yet, but this time I can sort of see a way forward where I can make it into what it's supposed to be. Which is very slay.

#yeah I haven't /actually/ started writing yet but I'm taking a break bc I typed up like 2k earlier #I was thinking that I would do edits before I continued drafting but I don't think I will #I think typing it up gave me what I would want to achieve with that which is a better understanding of the story and how to move forward #but honestly rn I feel pretty prepared #(words that will come back to haunt me when I am not in fact prepared to write the rest...) #coming back into the story by typing it up felt like exactly the right amount of interacting with it to continue #also bc I left comments in the draft which I think gave me a better overview #in general I think this made me see the forest more than the trees bc I wasn't focused on one particular scene and creating it for as long #anyway I totally recommend writing by hand it is super fun #my posts #twin stars